Ep 38: Kemah Bob

James, huge news from the world of off-menu and indeed the world of the world.

Yes.

Ever heard of the Royal Albert Hall?

I have.

We've done live shows there.

And guess what?

We're doing more live shows there next year.

Sure, a lot of them are sold out already.

But we thought, hey, throw these guys a bone.

Let's put on one final Royal Albert Hall show in that run.

The show will be on Monday, the 16th of March.

It's going to be a tasting menu, a returning guest coming back, receiving the menu of another previous guest.

Those shows have been a lot of fun.

We cannot wait to do them live.

Who will we pull out of our little magic bag?

You'll have to come along on the 16th of March to find out.

If I'm correct in thinking, presale tickets go on pre-sale on the 10th of September.

Pre-sale tickets are 10th of September at 10 a.m.

And then the general sale is 12th of September at 10 a.m.

So if you miss out on the pre-sale, don't forget general sale is only two days later.

The day in between is for reflecting.

Get your tickets from royalalberthall.com Hall.com or offmenupodcast.co.uk.

Hey, I'm Paige DeSorbo, and I'm always thinking about underwear.

I'm Hannah Berner, and I'm also thinking about underwear, but I prefer full coverage.

I like to call them my granny panties.

Actually, I never think about underwear.

That's the magic of Tommy John.

Same, they're so light and so comfy, and if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.

And the bras, soft, supportive, and actually breathable.

Yes, Lord knows the girls need to breathe.

Also, I need my PJs to breathe and be buttery soft and stretchy enough for my dramatic tossing and turning at night.

That's why I live in my Tommy John pajamas.

Plus, they're so cute because they fit perfectly.

Put yourself on to Tommy John.

Upgrade your drawer with Tommy John.

Save 25% for a limited time at tommyjohn.com/slash comfort.

See site for details.

It's that time of year again, back to school season.

And Instacart knows that the only thing harder than getting back into the swing of things is getting all the back-to-school supplies, snacks, and essentials you need.

So here's your reminder to make your life a little easier this season.

Shop favorites from Staples, Best Buy, and Costco all delivered through Instacart so that you can get some time back and do whatever it is that you need to get your life back on track.

Instacart, we're here.

When you're driving, nothing's better than a suspenseful podcast.

But when you want to save on gas, drama's the last thing you want.

That's why Marathon makes it easy to save with Marathon Rewards, earning you at least five cents a gallon in rewards with every fuel and saving you up to a buck a gallon.

Plus, signing up is easy.

Do it at the pump or marathonrewards.com.

So start saving with rewards from Marathon.

Don't miss the Thomas Redd Veteran Boot Store this summer, fueled by Marathon.

Now participate in locations.

Terms of conditions apply.

What's that sizzle?

Is it a pan of bacon?

No, it's the sizzling chat of the off-menu podcast.

Hello, James Acaster.

Hello, Gamble.

How are you?

I'm pretty good, mate.

How are you doing?

I'm alright.

This is one of the episodes where I'm hungover for it.

Yes.

Just to let you know, if you've heard any previous episodes where James is hungover, it was probably recorded on the same day as this.

I don't want you to think James has got a problem.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was all the same day as this, but I feel pretty bad.

You're just unraveling.

I'm watching you unravel in front of my eyes.

So bad.

What time did you go to bed?

I have no concept of that.

I just had a lot of that drink, and it did taste exactly like chocolate.

She was right.

Very delicious.

Very, very easy to drink.

That's your nightmare because you love puddings and sweets so much.

So anything that tastes like a pudding and a sweet that's also secretly boozy.

Yeah.

Oh my.

Oh, down the hatch.

So much of it down the hatch.

I feel really bad for you, in a way.

Also, just drinking it and thinking, Karenis Matthews recommended this to me today, and Ian Brown recommended it to her.

So, in a way, you're hanging out with Ian Brown and Keris Matthews while you drink it.

And you're awards.

And by the end of the night, I was arguing with both of them.

This podcast is off-menu, where we invite a guest into our dream restaurant, James.

And what do we ask them?

We ask them, hey, what is your favourite ever?

Startup, main course, dessert, drink, and side dish.

We do.

Please?

Please, yes, we always say please.

And today our special guest is Kima Bob.

Keema Bob.

Yeah, got in there before me.

Keema Bob is a fantastic comedian.

So funny.

I've been on a podcast with her before.

Have you?

The What Women Want podcast.

Congrats.

Thank you very much.

Brilliant comedian.

She runs the Femmes of Colour comedy club, Fock It Up, as it's otherwise known.

Awesome.

So check out at Fock It Up Comedy on Twitter to find out more about that.

You can check out at Kima Bob to see what she's up to.

But she is a wonderful, wonderful guest.

Can't wait to hear what her menu is, but

if she says a certain ingredient, she will be out on her ear, James.

And what is the secret ingredient this week that could force us to eject Keema Bob from the dream restaurants?

Well, Ed, I am horrendously hungover, so I can't even think about this ingredient.

If she brings it up, I will puke everywhere.

I'll be very angry.

Yes.

Hops.

Hops?

No, I've never really ever had hops as part of anything other than baking.

Sometimes people put it on actual food.

What?

Actual main dishes and i can't even stand the northampton is near kettering yes where i grew up and there's a part of northampton that smells like hops because the carlsberg factory is there yes and that smell always makes me feel sick yeah and especially now when i'm as hungover as i am i cannot even imagine hearing keema bob say hop describe hops in a meal and not throwing up everywhere.

Well, hopefully the meal will be fresh, it'll be delicious, and it won't make you think of sick.

Yes, hopefully.

Fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed.

I hate the smell of hops as well, actually.

Edinburgh stinks of hops.

Yeah, absolutely reeks.

Although, old Reiki.

Oh!

So for now, let's enjoy the off-menu menu of Keema Bob.

Keema Bob.

Welcome, Keema Bob, to the Dream Restaurant.

Well, it's really nice to be here.

Oh, my God.

The Maitre D, is that what you call them?

The Maitre D, there's a Matri D in the corner there.

Yeah, amazing.

But there should be a.

Oh, here's the best.

Welcome, Kima Bob, to the Dream Restaurant.

Oh, God.

It's good to see you.

We've been expecting you for some time.

Explain your presence.

My name is James Edcaster.

I will be your waiter and genie for the evening.

Phenomenal.

Get you any food you like from any period of time, anywhere in the world.

Wow.

Just to let you know, it's quite early in the morning when when we're recording this one, and I think we've given Kima far too much information in one sentence there.

Yeah, I don't know what's happening ever.

It's pre-noon.

Yeah.

Pre-noon right now.

I'm not doing great.

Oh, James.

So James is hungover.

Is the genie hungover as well?

Yep.

What was the genie up to?

The genie did another podcast.

This morning.

Someone else, not yesterday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And

on that podcast,

have to get drunk for it.

So I did it straight up.

We had another guest on yesterday, we recorded an episode with Karis Matthews, and she, for her drink, she chose something called a Death by Chocolate, which was Guinness with tier Maria and vodka in it.

And I thought it sounded so delicious that I suggested it for this podcast that I was going on the evening where you have to get drunk.

And I drank a lot of Death by Chocolate.

And now I feel like I'm Dead Buy Chocolate.

It's not good.

I feel awful.

How many did you have?

Maybe of that.

I had about four big glasses of it.

Wow.

And then it's quite a creamy drink.

And then I had some other drinks after that as well.

It's amazing.

Because I asked you what the GD had been doing, and I thought you'd go on one of your whimsical flights of fancy and tell me what you did.

But so you can't now divide yourself.

Yeah.

Do you have any lactose issues?

Now I do, probably.

Yeah, yeah.

I didn't before, but I feel like it's.

I feel like now I probably do.

Do you you have lactose issues?

Oh, I would have got caught up on the cream.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd be like, whoa.

Just like, oh my god.

And then things would smell different for everyone for a while.

Yeah.

It wouldn't be the same.

For everyone in the whole world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I just learned about Tia Maria

as a thing.

I haven't tasted it, but I saw a meme and it was like a mom who named her kid Tia Maria and the other kids like first like as one name and the other kids whole first name was Jack Daniel

and I was just like whoa

choices that mother is having those kids take care of them yeah yeah yeah she's not gonna hold on to them no

well welcome would you would you consider yourself a foodie do you do you enjoy food I do but I'm I mostly find myself

being a person that needs to eat to live okay you're eating

yeah I put the stuff so there are things, there are meals that I really like enjoy.

I'm like, oh, this is going to be great.

This is awesome.

But I would say 75% of the time, I'm like, how do I not die?

And what's your go-to not die?

So if you're on the run and you just,

you need to eat.

I'm a smoothie girl.

Wow.

So you're really compacting all of those nutrients down and just getting them down.

Yeah.

Okay.

What's in the smoothie?

This is a different podcast, really.

What's in the three main smoothie?

Yeah, what's in the smoothie?

What's in the smoothie?

We can just do a quick pilot episode of the film.

Yeah, what's in the smoothie?

We've got a blender here.

Wow, look at this blender.

Oh my god, it's a standard.

It's a ninja.

Wow, what'd you guys get a ninja?

It's out of control.

So a lot of people put ice in a smoothie.

I'm like, why are you wasting that precious nutrient space?

You know what I mean?

Freeze that fruit.

Yeah, yeah.

You feel me?

I do the same.

Frozen berries in the mix.

Got to put a little banana in the mix, but not too much.

It becomes overpowering.

You're going to follow that up with a bit of fake milk.

Fake milk.

Yeah.

Just any milk that doesn't come from animals.

I'd never heard it called fake milk before.

Well, I mean, I don't want to disrespect it.

Yeah.

Filk.

Yeah.

Filk, yeah.

Filk all your hair.

It's filk.

It's a filky fracking lie.

Yeah.

That's what it is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you have a preferred fake milk?

I'm a classic, just really basic soy boy.

Soy boy.

Yeah.

But also I can be quite the oat

goat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oat you goaty?

Yeah, yeah.

Almond's a bit thick.

It's good for coffee.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm a I'm an almond diamond almond diamond.

An almond moment.

An almond moment.

Yes.

We just had an almond moment.

Oh, you did.

The two of you.

I saw it from over here.

I wouldn't like to be part of one one.

No.

So

you have lactose issues, so that's why you go for the fake milk.

Are you vegan as well?

No, I found myself in a very fishy place, though, recently.

Sure, the sea.

Yeah, living.

Yeah, I've moved to the ocean.

I am the new little mermaid.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

I'll have some issues with that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As a person with, do you consider yourself...

What is that hair colour?

I don't want to offend.

I always thought I was blonde, and then when I started doing comedy, everyone told me I was ginger, so I don't really know.

And you've got to own it, I guess.

Because blondes have more fun, but gingers get more gigs.

Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

When I'm trying to get gigs, I'll say I'm a ginger.

Yeah, yeah.

Then after the gig, I'm like, blonde on the brow.

Marilyn Manhoe.

Yeah, yeah, that's who I am.

Marilyn Monhoe.

Yeah, classic.

First, we'll start off.

Would you like still or sparkling water, Kima Bob?

I always find, this is great.

I'll have still, because I'm not a dick bag,

desparkling water, does it make you burp?

It would make you burp.

Why do people want it?

Well, we've had guests on before who say it feels special, feels fancy.

Some people just like

the bubbles.

It's a little, you know, some people don't.

Some people say they don't drink soft drinks, so they have a little

sparkling water for a little treat.

And they're like, ooh, I'm spicy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a lot of that.

Some people say it hydrates you more.

Did someone say that?

Well, that's an outright lie.

Yeah, don't lie to yourself.

Some of that volume, the water volume, is taken up by bubbles now.

I did say

this is obviously a big thing for you because you don't want ice in the smoothie because you don't want it taking up too much.

I'm just like, don't lie to me about what's in this cup right now.

Yeah, yeah.

So you feel being lied to when they say sparks and water because there's not much water in it.

I'm just like, give me more water.

I expect an extra glass.

Yeah.

So that should be the mall.

Yeah, if you have something you give it.

A bit more, yeah.

Yeah.

Because those bubbles.

Have you heard the Kanye West song?

I love it.

I think I have.

What album is it?

Missing out.

Yeah, I know.

It's missing out.

I think it's just an individual thing, but there's a part in the song when he goes, when's the first time they asked if you want sparkling or still?

Why are you acting like you had sparkling water before we met?

Yeah, like it's just some huge revelation.

Out of control.

He's like, you had never had sparkling water before.

What?

Well, before they met Kanye?

Yeah,

before he started going out with Kanye, it was just still water.

And then they went out with Kanye and suddenly they were going to be able to get into the water.

Kanye

introduced everyone to sparkling water.

Yeah.

Yeah,

I feel that.

That's one of his lowest grade mad lyrics, though.

I'd say.

There's one about a bleached asshole.

It's a bit of a bad lyric.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, probably one of the.

It's funny.

I mean, who's that?

Yeah.

If I fuck this model.

Model and she just bleached her asshole.

Asshole.

Something about his asshole.

And I'll get bleached on my T-shirt.

On their t-shirt.

I'll look like an asshole.

I'll feel like an asshole, yeah.

Yeah.

That's deep, though.

It's not really, is it?

No, it's so deep.

Because, like, shirts are expensive.

You only get bleach out.

I see, I was looking at it on one level, and I knew that.

Yeah, fucking shift your perspective.

Shirts are expensive.

Yeah.

And bleach is not, and that's the problem.

So I think that's my favourite reason we've had so far for Stillwater is because, and I quote, I'm not a dick bag.

Yeah.

But if you were with Kanye, would you get the sparkling water?

Of course, I'd feel pressured.

I'd want to rise to the occasion.

Yeah, because you'd probably be like, the weight would come on, they're still sparkling, and then Kanye would just look at you.

Yeah.

He'd probably just swat the still water from their hair.

Yeah, yeah.

Not an option anymore.

He'd probably take the still water to try and clean the bleach with his t-shirt.

Yeah, that would be the biggest, biggest

bleach with that expensive t-shirt.

Oh,

I love him.

Poplums or bread!

Poplums or bread, Kima.

Ah, bread, bread.

Well,

yeah, that's what I want.

Was it a butter, please?

Do you have a special butter?

Have you had

a cinnamon honey butter?

Oh, I think I've had a honey butter before, but please tell us more.

Tell us about cinnamon honey butter, please.

There's a place in Texas,

appropriately named the Texas Road House, where you can get giant steaks and whatnot.

But what's most important is you can get get these like delicious biscuits and they're just so like soft and you're ripping apart

and they always come with this like cinnamon honey butter and it's just so real and sometimes i'm tempted to just like eat it with a spoon um but i don't because i have restraint yeah is a textus volcano is that a chain because i think i might have been oh it's chaney it's channely like dick baby

A pilot?

Yes.

Wow.

Yes, a pilot.

What a fun life.

In a plane or just as themselves on the street.

He just fancied somebody honey butter and he just called up a plane and

take me accidentally.

It's like a plane Uber.

Booked a plane.

I didn't realise it, but I accidentally booked a plane that was just me and the pilot.

Wow.

In a tiny little plane.

That was so awkward.

Yeah, and he flew me over to Bloomington, Indiana.

Yeah.

And we got out and went, do you want to get a steak?

Yeah.

I was like, yeah, obviously.

You got to pilot the stars because why would I not get a steak with you?

Yeah.

After you just worked so hard to get us here.

Yeah.

And then we went and got a steak.

And I didn't know about the cinnamon honey butter.

Yeah.

You didn't have that.

Otherwise, I would have done it.

I didn't know.

I had no idea about it.

Foolish.

I just...

That's alright.

I've got a photo on my phone of the of the frickles.

Oh, I love a frickle.

What's a frickle?

Fried pickle.

Fried pickle.

Wow, of course.

It was a dip it in like ranch or some kind of shit.

Like blue.

Blue cheese.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm not a blue cheese person, but we've already discussed my tummy.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

That would be a nightmare.

If you've got lactose issues, I feel like blue cheese is just a the old.

I don't get it.

Why does my body hate it?

Why do does anyone's body not hate it?

It's deep.

I feel bad for people with lactose issues because isn't cheese is the most delicious thing in the world.

Yeah, I mean, ice cream, I'm not eating it.

I'm just feeling.

So would you, you just, you just, you take the hit for ice cream?

Just cope.

I'm just like, this is a Dutch oven type of evening.

It's going to be great.

I'm going to like stick my ass out of the duvet

and face my head the opposite direction.

It's a Dutch oven, but you you leave the door open.

Yeah, type back because you decide.

It's like, am I going to commit to this or am I going to let it go?

Yeah.

All I know about when you say that, why does your body hate it?

It's just, I know all my knowledge, if you can call it that, is based on films I've seen and stuff or songs.

So much.

So that scene in Snatch when they're talking about we shouldn't drink milk, do you remember that scene?

Please get the driving along.

Yeah.

Snatch.

Oh, sorry, I just got snatched mixed up.

I was like, Snatch is the one where that guy falls into a toilet, but that's definitely train spouting.

Snatch is one where Jason Statham is like, I'm a gangster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good one.

I don't expect you to do that.

That doesn't necessarily narrow down the film by saying it's a one-way Jason Statham.

I'm a gangster.

Yeah.

Is his hair short then as well?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, not at the top.

I mean, around the side.

He's always had short hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Ever since he was a little baby.

Yeah, yeah.

He's a bold little statham.

Yeah.

Boldy stathem.

But Yook, do you want the Texas Roadhouse cinnamon honey butter?

Yes, please.

And is the bread a specific bread?

Or if you want the biscuit, you can have the biscuit.

You could have the biscuit.

Whoa, like a legit biscuit.

Yeah.

Do you understand what I'm talking about?

I understand, but the legitimate business is...

I don't want any of this cookie bullshit

walking around here calling stuff biscuits and not biscuits.

I'm talking about a savory scone.

I'm not playing these games.

I've seen a scone.

I was like, what is this imposter?

Yeah.

So why are you putting cluttered cream on it?

Which, to be fair, you could do with a biscuit.

Yeah,

yeah.

Same.

Yeah, so I think that's a good way of describing it.

A savory scone.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Savory scone, savory scone.

A biscuit.

A biscuit.

Yeah.

It's a biscuit by any other name.

Honey butter.

Yeah.

That sounds like a good one.

I think I've had, like, I can't remember where I had it.

I had some, like, honey butter, not cinnamon honey butter, just honey butter on cornbread before.

Wow, that's a whole vibe.

That's a whole different thing.

Cornbread.

It is the shit.

Oh, no one's picked cornbread, have they?

It's so real.

Cornbread, it's so real.

It's so real.

I went home over Christmas.

You're from Texas, right?

Whereabouts in Texas are you from?

From Houston.

Nice.

Spend one day there?

Wow, with a pilot or someone else?

No, I don't go everywhere with a pilot.

Look, I don't know what it's like.

Sure.

You know,

I'm just entering

the scene, but I assume there's a level of stand-up comedy where you just get private playing

the whole time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tap a once that was by acting.

Like a bag person as well.

Yes, I've got a bag person.

Yes, my bag man.

Absolutely not a bag man, yeah.

The great benito is my bag man normally.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just want to assume.

Yeah, yeah.

Your shoulders look uh not like

something's missing.

Is it the bag?

It looks uncomfortable.

My shoulder's too light.

My shoulder's too light.

Yeah, he's carrying himself.

He's just jerking him around.

Should be a little bag on there.

To be fair, carrying yourself, I find to be enough weight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So deep.

Sometimes carrying yourself isn't enough weight.

Damn.

That's better than any Kanye lyric ever.

Yeah.

Sparkling or still.

Why are you acting like you had sparkling water before I came around?

Guess what I did on the one day I was in Houston?

What did you do?

I went to.

Oh, wait, was it meant to be like, yes, actually?

If you weren't.

You went to the aquarium.

No.

Is that an aquarium?

Yeah.

Oh, that's cool.

That would be an awful guess.

From someone from Houston, if they guessed that you went to an aquarium.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

NASA!

Well, you did space stuff.

Yeah, wait,

the whole day at NASA.

I loved it.

Did you go for a state with an astronaut afterwards?

Yes.

Afterwards, the astronaut took me to the moon and we had space stuff.

Oh, my God.

That sounds really romantic.

Yeah, it was very romantic.

Did you guys make out on the the moon?

Yep.

Oh, yes, you did.

That's a new genre of soft, soft, softcore.

Interplanetary soft, soft, softcore.

People make it out on the moon.

Yeah, just like delicate kisses in space.

There's certain elements of zero gravity that would really lend themselves to some

pornography, I think.

Soft, soft, softcore.

So, soft, soft, softcore.

Yeah.

There's a bit in James Bond where they have zero gravity sex at the end.

Wow, that's very hip.

Is it like in one of those tunnels, though?

Or is it like a a I mean they're on a ship and there's like a there's like a live they're like they're watching it back at base and they like cut to it too quickly.

They're like oh James.

Oh no.

Yeah yeah

typical bounce.

I think I don't really like Bond films mainly for lines like this.

So like they're like banging in zero G and then you hear James Bond go attempting re-entry.

Yeah yeah it's always stuff like that.

Kevin not a fan of that.

Oh my god.

Yeah really really bad.

Oh my god.

That's amazing.

That's fucking great.

Yeah.

You made your little mermaid announcement earlier.

You have an announcement about Bond as well, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, I do.

So I'm going to be the new 007.

It's a pretty huge deal.

I'm pretty psyched about it.

I'm not taking the bond name because I don't want it.

It's solid.

Sure, sure.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

Because of all the attempting re-entry stuff.

Yeah.

It's a lot of stuff going out there.

And I want to start on like a fresh sexual page.

That's 007.

Because if the person,

it's called The The Ledger.

Fresh Sexual Page.

It's very serious.

I can't wait to hear Adele sing that.

Yeah, yeah.

Fresh Sexual Page.

So we come to your starter.

Whoa!

Oh, hi.

Oh, hi.

Uh, how I like to start the meal?

I would like

I would like to have um

I would like to have chips and salsa and guacamole.

That's what I want.

I want it to be real fresh.

I want it to be made by somebody.

It's a boiler.

A boiler.

Aboila.

Abuela.

Grandma.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, Spanish for grandma.

Okay, I'm really good.

I'm really upset by the nature of Mexican food in the UK.

Yeah.

Well, there's no Mexican people here.

It's very sad.

There are a few.

Yeah, but there's no like tradition of

people like a large community.

I just want to say that I have met three Mexican people and upon each encounter I've been very happy.

Great.

Do you want to talk to you?

Just a lot of people.

Do you as as an American, did you feel the need to s to say that every time you mention meeting a Mexican person?

You're like, and I felt joy and I liked them a lot.

And I opened my arm and I opened my borders.

My personal borders to my heart.

I think it's just really weird because I th I feel like like

Mexican people have not been done justice by American media.

Like, I feel like

people within America have no idea how much cool shit goes down in Mexico, how beautiful it is, how much culture is going on.

Like, I think we've been sold this weird narrative for so long, and it's like this huge place where all sorts of great things are happening.

You know what I mean?

And so, yeah, that's weird.

And I think the narrative seems to be either, certainly from our perspective, is either the immigration thing with the border and all of that, or it's where Americans go to get fucked up before they're 21, right?

Dead.

Yeah.

Dead.

You can get prescription drugs very over-the-counter there.

So that's a fun fact.

Yeah, I went down.

I got some.

I went down when I was in college on a cruise with my mom.

Got some like Riddling.

She nerves this.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I was trying to study in college.

Yeah, Ritalin's for like concentration.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

You want it to concentrate.

Straight up.

So literally, this is such a great reflection of where I was in my life at this time.

I got some Ritalin

and some metronidazole.

Do you know what that is?

No.

Medicine for thrush.

I wanted so much of it.

I didn't want to have to go to the doctor at all.

I was like, I just want to have this on deck in my house for all of my friends.

Some liquid thrush medicine.

That's just, yeah, where is that in the pharmacy with like all these options?

Well, we're not at your drink yet.

We don't want to give that away.

Yeah, yeah, that is the drink.

It's metroninazole.

I mean,

you can have these as part of your starter if you like.

If you want the retalin and the fresh cream

on the side, grind them up into a fine powder and sprinkle it over everything.

Over all the chips.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

Is there anywhere in particular you do you want these to come from Mexico, the chips?

That would be preferable.

They definitely can't come from the UK.

Yeah.

So they could come from, I'd say, Mexico, preferably first,

or Texas or California.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I've recommended it on the podcast before, but there's a place in Brixton Village called Casa Merita.

Okay.

It's good Mexican food.

Okay, I'm going to make a note because I'm very serious about this and I miss it.

And every time I go to like Cholongo, I feel like I'm lying to myself.

But yeah, I would recommend

that

the super tortoise

is.

Yep, if you've got a tortoise on deck, you might know what's going on.

Yeah.

I sound like really so serious about Mexican food.

What about those cortinas?

I mean, because obviously,

yeah, if there's no good stuff on here, you're going to be serious about it.

You're missing it.

Yeah.

It's so upsetting, because I didn't realize how much I ate it until I didn't have access access to good it.

Yeah.

Like what is American food?

You know what I mean?

Well it's the same with people.

What what is British food?

Brown and covered in gravy.

But I would miss that.

If I were to live in Texas I'd miss my brown.

I'd miss my brown covered in gravy.

It was like a mound of potatoes, a mound of meat with like maybe other bread around it covered in gravy.

Yes, now you're talking about angry.

Yet getting all happy.

Yeah, you're going to have your mound of of food.

Mom, nom, nom.

Mound of slop to get through the winter.

Is that the noise that people have to make when eating it?

That's how you get through it.

That's how you get it.

You're tucking yourself through it.

It's like all one bite.

Oh, nom nom!

No, you can do it.

It gives the motivation.

Propelling yourself forward.

And

how is the Mexican food in Texas?

It's all right, but

we've done stuff to it.

There's Tex-Mex, which is a whole thing.

And a lot of the

Mexican food that we find outside of Mexico is actually, some of it is actually Tex-Mex.

When you say Tex-Mex, what are like classic Tex-Mex dishes?

Great question.

I feel like many of the things that you might find, and this is so gross, because Taco Bell is not a good example of decent anything, but many of the items you'll find on that menu, like

don't happen in Mexico.

There's some like stuff like

sour cream and like cheese

that you see way less in Mexico.

You see a lot more corn tortillas.

I love a corn tortilla.

I would just like to say that that chips, those chips and dip, those are corn tortillas.

Okay.

Okay.

Absolutely.

Very serious.

Absolutely corn totillas.

But yeah, they're just extra elements that I think people add to make it more like tasty for them.

Like here, I saw a taco being prepared with a barbecue sauce at a pub, and I was like, that's stupid, and it's not even a taco.

Did you set fire to the tables?

I did.

And I'm an exonist now as a result of standing up for Mexican food.

I think in this country, I feel like soft shell tacos are like the last five years maximum.

I don't remember seeing a soft shell taco until five years ago.

It's always been

the hard shell dinner kit tacos.

And I don't like a hard shell taco.

But I like it.

I do if the filling, if it matches the filling.

Have you gotten a soft cell?

A soft shell that, like, actually, you could pick it up and put it up to your mouth, like, several times.

Yeah.

I've had a lot where it's like one

tortilla and I'm just like, well, it's not real enough to hold everything inside.

Like, I'm going to need two.

You got to put two, and I want to hold it.

I want it to be a success.

It's breaking in half, it's falling out of my hands.

This is here's a question.

You're probably the, you know, more about Mexican food than we do.

You know, when you have, like, proper tacos, they put the little soft shell tacos.

Why do they put two down?

For it for that protection.

Yeah, it's because some the stuff, the moisture and the weight of it will break through one like nice thin

you've gone somewhere else then.

Yeah.

Just soft flaky.

And you can catch it with the other one.

You're supposed to have them both.

You hold them both and so it never breaks.

Pick one up and then use it on like a a glove.

You put two trash bags, not condoms.

You can't do that.

That's not something you should actually do of double bagging.

But trash bags, double bagging does apply.

Yeah, okay.

With tackas it doesn't affect the environment.

That's good.

Good to know.

Yeah.

But don't condoms.

No, because, um

yeah, friction or something.

Oh no.

There was a song a long time ago, I Love College, by this guy, Asher Roth.

Right.

Have you ever heard that?

No.

He's like, I love college.

I love drinking.

I love women.

I love college.

Fucking love dip.

This is one part where he's like, um,

great advice.

And don't pass out with your shoes on.

When it comes to condoms, put two on.

And I was just like wrapping that everywhere.

And then I remember like hearing from someone.

I think I was like, and when it comes to condoms, put two on.

And I think it was like my mom or something was like, don't do that.

That shit will bust them.

And I was like, thank you.

But I suppose what, is it Asher Ross?

Yeah.

I suppose what Asher was saying was, is he's just overcompensating.

So like if

no one, if they're not putting a condom on, the people who are listening to it, if he tells them to put two on, they'll put a shoot on.

They'll put a one, yeah.

Don't fall asleep with your shoes on.

Yeah.

Whoa.

That's like parenting techniques or something.

That's some deep shit.

Why would you not fall asleep with your shoes on?

He's like, don't pass out with your shoes on at the party.

But I think if you're going to pass out at a party, definitely keep your shoes on.

You might wake up with no shoes.

Yeah.

Yeah, your shoes will be gone.

Keep your shoes.

That's something I think is a prank.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd be afraid.

Like, I'd wake up, I'd leave my shoes and leave someone peed in my shoes.

It's always funny.

I was passed out.

Yeah, they put like shaving foam in there or something.

Yeah.

And then you put your feet in and all that.

Poop.

Or poop.

That's the worst.

I don't know these people that would do it, but I just imagine.

You gotta be careful at parties, man.

If people leave their shoes shoes lying around you, don't go to parties.

If I did that song, I'd say don't go to parties.

Don't go to any parties.

Don't go to parties.

I'd be like, I love Netflix.

Ever wonder why you have insurance for your car or home, but not your digital life?

Meet Webroot Total Protection, your digital bodyguard that is built for real life.

Webroot takes the guessing game out of cybersecurity so you can confidently browse, bank, and be yourself online without the worry of hackers lurking around the corner.

With Webroot Total Protection, you get antivirus that scans six times faster and takes up 33 times less space than the other guys.

Identity protection with up to $1 million in fraud expense reimbursement and 24-7 U.S.-based customer support.

VPN protection that hides your IP address, personal data, and location from hackers.

And cloud backup with unlimited storage that works automatically in the background.

With plans for individuals and families, Webroot makes it easy to live a better digital life.

Go to webroot.com forward slash promo and get 50% off today.

That's webroot.com slash promo to get 50% off today.

Live a better digital life with Webroot because peace of mind shouldn't be optional.

Hey, I'm Paige DeSorbo and I'm always thinking about underwear.

I'm Hannah Berner and I'm also thinking about underwear, but I prefer full coverage.

I like to call them my granny panties.

Actually, I never think about underwear.

That's the magic of Tommy John.

Same, they're so light and so comfy, and if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.

And the bras, soft, supportive, and actually breathable.

Yes, Lord knows the girls need to breathe.

Also, I need my PJs to breathe and be buttery soft and stretchy enough for my dramatic tossing and turning at night.

That's why I live in my Tommy John pajamas.

Plus, they're so cute because they fit perfectly.

Put yourself on to Tommy John.

Upgrade your drawer with Tommy John.

Save 25% for a limited time at tommyjohn.com/slash comfort.

See site for details.

But your main course.

Yeah.

Your main.

So we w we've we've started off in Mexico.

We're gonna remain pretty Mexican.

Yeah, yeah,

main course.

I'm doubling down because I want some enchiladas.

Yeah.

That's what I want.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, and the um the chicken enchiladas with tomatillo sauce.

Okay.

Tomatillo.

Little green tomatoes.

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is it actually...

I've not heard tomatillo sauce before, so I don't know if you're...

I don't know if you're a laugh you're pronouncing tomato differently

because it's the first time I've met Kima.

Yeah.

And so far you've done some funny voices.

Yeah.

And you've done a few things, so I don't know if that is a thing.

I'm here to back Kima up that tomatillos are actually a thing.

Tomatillo.

They're actually a thing, but she's pronounced.

I mean, the whole tomatillo thing.

She's added that.

Yeah,

that's got a little Italy.

Tomatillo.

It's a little green tomato.

Okay.

Yeah, and they feel like a different taste.

Yeah.

It's like less sweet or something.

I don't fucking know.

I'm not a food scientist.

No.

No.

But...

So it's a less sweet tomato sauce.

Yeah, it's like it's cool, but it's not spicy.

Right, okay.

Yeah.

Are you not into the spice?

I'm not a super spicy person.

Okay.

I have

I was about to say I have what I would call pussy tongue.

It's afraid.

It's doesn't like stuff.

Um my family is from uh uh Louisiana and my dad is always like, You got a California tongue'cause that's where my like mom grew up.

He's like, California like California tongue.

Okay.

That's what he tells you.

You got a California tongue.

Yep.

He's like, well, do you want some avocados?

Yes, yes.

That would take down the heat.

I would.

Who doesn't want some avocados?

I don't know.

So delicious.

How often does your dad say this to you?

So he makes like really good Cajun food and stuff.

We'll just probably be like so offended that I'm not like choosing to eat like gumbo or something.

Yeah.

Like, oh, yeah, I want my grandma's gumbo.

Just like she used to make with the crab legs.

He's always making stuff.

And do you know ranch dressing?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So this is not a typical move in the Cajun kitchen, but it is when you got a California pussycon.

And whenever he'd make like red beans and rice,

just like really awesome, spicy.

Really spicy.

I would just like douse it in ranch.

And they would just look at me like, what the fuck is this woman?

Like, what is this girl doing?

Your dad sets fire to the tables?

Yeah, and then he sets fire, and then we've lost several homes that way.

Yeah, yeah,

but we know where you get it from now.

What are enchiladas again?

I always get mixed up between all the different

ways.

Yeah.

It's so interesting.

Like, you look at like Mexican food or like Italian food and it's like tomatoes, pasta, and meat.

And then you just go,

yeah, it's just as many different ways of putting those things together.

Yeah.

This, an enchilada,

which sometimes, you know, sometimes it will happen in a flour tortilla capacity but it's really good with the corn i'm just an advocate for the corn tortilla i'm very hard about it uh enchiladas uh take the corn tortilla you put the chicken in there and some of the tomatillo sauce um maybe a bit of cheese in there a lot of people do a steak and like beef and cheese enchiladas um and like bean and cheese ones cheese bean and jeans enchilada uh and i'm a chicken and green sauce type of girl.

Roll that up, put it next to a bunch of its brothers, right?

So you've got like eight enchiladas in a row, or like more if you're not trying to feed only yourself.

Am I right, ladies?

And then you cover those in the sauce, a bit more cheese, bake it, it comes out, you jizz.

Good recipe?

Yeah.

You know it's dumb.

No, twist it, yeah.

I want you to write a cookbook where every recipe ends with that.

You know it's dumb.

The fuck comes out clean.

You jizz bone appetite.

Oh, that sounds incredible.

Yeah, they're fucking good, man.

So, I mean, I'm a bit worried about cooking it for you now, though.

Yeah.

I have to prepare it as food.

Will the genie jizz?

I don't want to.

You have to.

It's not done if you don't jizz.

Do genie's jizz?

Oh, no.

Do genie's jizz?

Well, I can do whatever I like if it's as a genie.

So, you know, I can if if if people if that's their wish, but it's never been anyway's wish before.

If you had three wishes,

who would go straight in with first things first?

Yeah.

You jizz.

If I had three wishes, one of them would be for me to jizz.

Another genie to jizz.

I don't know you, I don't care about your sexual gratification.

Yeah, it'd be very odd and like that yeah, very very odd.

You jizz.

Ah, no.

No, that's someone who doesn't love themselves.

You'd have

jizz money or something.

Yeah.

Then that would be

lots of jizz money to blow.

Yeah.

That is the point, actually.

I I should have pointed out as a as a genie.

I don't yeah, I I jizz um candy floss.

That's a set.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's kind of fine.

Well, that's gross.

That's fucking gross.

Yeah.

Disgusting.

That's where it gets gross, is it?

Yeah.

Okay.

Fair enough.

That's where I'm going to push you over the edge there, Keep.

I feel like we're probably gonna stay in Mexico for the side dish as well.

Do you reckon we are?

What if we left?

What if we left for fun?

No, we're not!

I'm homesick, and this is how I feel.

Actually, let's switch it up.

Let's go very scandalous because I would like to.

I think it would be this, it just never happens in your dream meal.

Like, in life, no one's like, here's dope Mexican food, but also here's dope Cajun food.

Yeah, yes, you know what I mean?

Like, that doesn't happen.

But you can do that, it fucking could.

It's the dream rush.

And that's mind-blowing.

Yeah.

Wow.

This is changing my life.

Changing my outlook on culinary possibilities.

I want...

This is starters have been reframed because this is my menu.

I do what I want.

I want some crawfish.

Yeah.

I want boiled crawfish.

Okay.

With potatoes and corn and the boil, and we'll call those my vegetables.

And this is a side now.

Yep.

Yeah, you can flip it like that.

That's fine.

Have you had that?

I've never had that.

I'm obsessed with having it.

I really want to have it.

It's where you see videos of them

emptying it on a table, just

on some newspaper, and everyone just going to town.

It's fucking madness.

It's delicious.

It's so great.

Are the crawfish in shells?

They're in shells.

They're in their whole little red bodies.

I think you boil them like alive or something.

I don't know.

My dad, when he preps them, he puts like a lot of salt on them and then they like eat the salt and then they like vomit and shit everything inside of them and now they're like clean enough to eat.

Yeah.

What?

That's dead.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's deep.

It sounds like the most unappetizing meal ever.

You don't eat it.

You don't make an animal vomit and shit ever.

You don't eat those liquids.

No, but still, I mean.

You're getting rid of the liquids.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like purging them.

We call it purging.

And now they're like clean or whatever.

So if you boil them, then you don't end up with shit in that water.

Yep.

Because you've already de-shitted them.

Yeah, you've already de-shitted them beforehand.

Yeah.

So like when you get a prawn and there's the poop line.

Yeah.

If they gave them some salt, then there wouldn't be a prawn.

They would have shot already.

Yeah.

I hate the poop line.

I hate when you're eating something and then you get really into it or like comfortable eating it and then you remembered like, oh man, I wonder if they took the poop out and they didn't.

And you've already eaten so much shrimp shit.

Yeah.

It was so sad.

How much shrimp shit do you think you've eaten if you were to like estimate?

Like one, two ounces.

Yeah,

but in your whole life.

Yeah, I'd say.

Like a little, like a shot glass full.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I've been pretty good about cleaning it myself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you were given the option, like at the start of your life, uh, to like either you're just gonna eat it every now and again,

or you can get it all out the way in one go

at the start in the shot glass if you want to.

What you're gonna choose.

I think I'm just gonna

take it as it comes, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, bit by bit.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

Unless someone's offering me some kind of monetary reward for drinking a shot glass full of shrimp shit.

I'm just gonna let it happen as it happens.

I think that's the only answer to that question, really.

This guy's out of control.

The way you said that to me then was probably like, you were telling me off.

Shotgun's full of shrimp shit.

Shrimp shit.

It's shrimp shit.

When your dad does it, does he like spice the water?

Because is there like a seasoning that you put in there?

Yeah.

So are you familiar with like Old Bay?

I've heard of Old Bay seasoning.

Yeah.

Old Bay is like a seasoning company and they sell like crab boil.

Okay.

And like within that is like all this like spice and it's like garlicky stuff and like cayenne pepper and like other kind of chilies and shit and like other flavors.

I don't know the name of them like herbs and stuff.

It's like oh my god this is very salty as well.

And you put that in there and it's boiled all like so the flavor gets like boil into them but it's tough'cause you gotta put a lot of that stuff because they're only boiling for so long.

So there's only so much flavor that can like get in there, right?

And then there's potatoes in there, you said?

Uh-huh.

And corn.

And corn.

Sometimes sausage, but I'm not having it.

Why not?

Because that's not how I roll them.

Fair enough.

Sausage freaks me out.

Why does it freak you out?

I don't know what's in there.

Ah, okay.

So, yeah.

It's all the mushed up.

Yeah, just so confused.

Yeah, yeah.

And what?

What the fuck are byproducts?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

What?

Filler, what?

Yeah, yeah.

You don't eat byproducts.

I'm so confused.

The byproducts are what we just got rid of from the crawfish, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's such a horrible issue.

Do you think all the crawfish are getting rid of their business?

There must be at least one who's like constipated or one who's like, oh, hold it.

Hold it.

And then he waits until he gets into the pot with...

Keeping it in.

I'm going to do it in here.

I'm so sorry.

I think that's great.

I think it would definitely let you have that as a side.

Thank you.

Also, in my hungover state, hearing about

vomiting.

A shot glass full of shrimp shit.

Yeah, well, hearing about that wasn't great.

But like, you know, hearing about something just vomited and shit at the same time is...

You're jealous of those guys.

Oh, those lucky-looking crawlfish.

I wish your dad had feed me some salt.

I think I've done that.

Huh?

Nothing.

Vomited and shat at the same time.

Yeah.

That's confusing.

Okay.

Well, you say you think you've done it.

I mean, I thought I've done it.

I just, you said vomit and shat at the same time, and then

I imagined it, but it wasn't hard because I think it happened.

I feel like it was in my tub and in my toilet situation, so kind of like on the toilet and like hunched over it.

That's the way to do it.

As you would.

If you're going to do it, that's the way to do it.

Well, you can't.

You don't keep turning around because then you're going to smell your own shit.

And that's going to make you throw up more than anything.

And that's how I feel like it happened because I remember that, that I wouldn't do that.

You open the fridge.

there's nothing there.

So, what's it gonna be?

Greasy pizza?

Sad drive-through burgers?

Dish by Blue Apron is for nights like that.

These are the pre-made meals of your dreams.

At least 20 grams of protein, no artificial flavors or colors, no chopping, no cleanup, no guilt.

Keep the flavor.

Ditch the subscription.

Get 20% off your first two orders with code APRAN20.

Terms and conditions apply.

Visit blueapron.com/slash terms for more.

more.7 Ever wonder why you have insurance

U.S.-based customer support, VPN protection that hides your IP address, personal data, and location from hackers, and cloud backup with unlimited storage that works automatically in the background.

With plans for individuals and families, Webroot makes it easy to live a better digital life.

Go to webroot.com forward slash promo and get 50% off today.

That's webroot.com/slash promo to get 50% off today.

Live a better digital life with Webroot because peace of mind shouldn't be optional.

So that brings us to your drinks.

Yeah, I like some vomit shit.

Thank you.

I'd like to have horchata.

Oh,

that's right.

Back to make them.

Take us through.

Take us through what horchata is.

Have you had it?

Nope.

Oh my god.

If you haven't had horchata, it's a very fun time.

So, I'm gonna have to pull in the fake milk again, though.

It's typical.

It's made with like rice milk.

And so you have some rice milk, and you have like cinnamon and sugar in it, and probably other stuff.

And you're like, ooh, stir it up.

It's so good.

You put it with some, you put some ice, it's so good.

But if you put rum in it, have you heard of rum chata?

No.

It's some bullshit where people thought that they could sell like low-grade horchata with rum in it.

Like, you know what I mean?

So lame.

But yeah, horchata is great.

So you do not want rum chata.

No, it's fairly clear.

But I will take some horchata with rum in it.

Oh, hold on.

But that means that.

So you don't want the pre-mixed rum charter.

Yeah.

You want a nice horchata and then you can add your own rum.

Yeah.

I don't want lives from the streets.

Yeah.

Okay.

No lives from the streets.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Is there any particular rum that you that you like?

Oh, I try to get Appleton just because it hurts so like good.

Yeah.

You know?

What's it like?

What do you guys have rum recommendations?

I don't know anything about rum.

The Appleton estate in Jamaica is supposed to make like dope rum or something.

I don't know.

How did you hear about this?

Probably watching a movie called Rum Rum Rum.

I don't know if it was about Jamaica.

I don't think it was about

like alcohol.

I don't think it was about spirits.

I think it might have been

what?

Huh?

What if it was just that, like, a friend went there and went to there and then brought me some rum back?

What?

Because.

What you saying?

Like, I don't know.

I'm trying to figure out where I got this information from.

Oh, yes.

Okay.

So, when you said about the movie called Rum, Rum, Rum, did you?

Oh, that was a beautiful thing.

You made that up, right?

Okay.

It was not.

Because I was waiting to hear about the movie Rum Rum Rum.

Because you started to describe the movie.

I thought, oh, there is a movie called Rum Rum Rum, but there wasn't.

No, not yet.

You can make it.

Yes.

Do you ever not know, like, do you ever get that where you you don't know where you got information?

And you know something, but you're like, did I read this?

Did I learn it in class?

Did I see it in a film?

Did someone say it to me?

I'm pretty sure someone brought my mom some Appleton rum and they like went to Jamaica and they were like, I did a tour of this rummery.

Yep.

And there's a fine rummery and there's a rich history of rumming.

and

and they're good at it so i mean for something that you're guessing happening so that's quite detailed and specific you know what i mean now did this happen or are you saying that might have happened i wouldn't give it 80

because someone brought appleton run to my mom

but i'm wondering if this person bringing this rum and saying that it's good is what i've based my belief i think that's enough

i think that's enough you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah that's scary though like people just tell you stuff and then you believe it, and then you tell other people.

And then, next thing you know, you're making up a movie called Rum Rum Rum.

Yeah.

Rum Rum Rumming.

Rum, Rum, Rumming.

That's the sequel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cool Rummins.

Cool Rumming.

Cool Rumming.

The Rumming Man.

Oh, man.

No, don't look at me.

Don't look at you.

You're out.

You're done.

I'm going to participate in this.

Participate in Cool Rummings?

The Punch?

Like Punch.

This is what I always get most excited about, Kima.

So, this is the dessert.

Whoa!

You chicky choose it.

Yep.

It very much follows the same format we are doing all along.

I thought that this would be different.

I don't know.

You were looking at the dinner.

I was like, he's going to announce it.

Yeah, I'll take you to find out what the dessert is.

Tell me what I'm thinking.

Yeah, it's candy flash.

Don't ask me where I got it from.

Oh, I'm a genie.

So it was weird because like

I feel like

dessert can be hard.

And where I'm leaning right now is a kind of angel food cake with fresh berry situation.

And I don't know.

Just it's hard sometimes because like

shit gets too heavy, you know?

Like chocolatey things sometimes it's like whoa

um and there's cream everywhere there's dairy everywhere it's fucking dangerous a minefield um

and angel uh food cake right is that translatable do you guys call it that i i think i vaguely know it's a very light sort of sponge cake yeah super fucking light yeah

airy i think you can tell from just angels you know what i mean yeah i don't know

what would angels eat well they're light they need to fly in the sky

so they're not gonna have anything too heavy Yeah, and they hate carbs.

Yeah.

Somehow they're willing to eat this candy can.

Is it like vanilla flavor?

Is it a vanilla flavouring?

It's chill.

It's very chill.

It's almost just like vaguely sweet.

Yeah, okay.

Just it's more texture.

It's more the texture of it.

It's like vanilla-y.

Vanilla.

Vanilla-ish.

It's not vanilla.

It's vanilla-y.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Vanilla-adjacent.

And you're having

and you're having some berries with that.

Yeah.

What sort of berries?

straw.

I'm gonna kick it off with straw.

Yeah, follow it with rasp.

Yeah.

Anymore?

I don't like bloob.

Bloob.

Blue.

Bloobs are an acquired taste, I think.

Yeah.

I enjoy a bloob.

I like a bloob.

Yeah.

You guys are mature, though.

I do.

What are you at?

45?

Yeah.

We're both 45.

We just eat blueberries all day long.

Yeah.

Coffee bloobs.

Do you feel like bloobs is something that you grow into?

I think it's a quiet taste, like red wine.

Oh, yeah, I like red wine as well.

Yeah, wow.

Sometimes I'll taste red wine and I think there's a hint of blue in there.

Yeah.

A little bit more bloob in this.

Yeah, I'm still on, you know, rose.

Yeah, you'll get there.

Yeah, I'm working on it.

You're on straw and rose.

Yeah.

If I hear about rose, rose was the first thing I had to drink yesterday.

We drank it in, we recorded an episode yesterday, and that was the last one we did.

And there was some rose in a can.

So I was like, I'll have one of them.

So I had that on the way to the park.

So now thinking about that makes me feel sick.

I'm like a little crawfish.

Yeah, little crawfish go back to be sick.

That's so interesting.

That's how, like, if someone were to ask me, like, how would you describe James?

And I'd be like, look a little crawfish.

Like a little crawfish.

Yeah, yeah.

You are like a little crawfish.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

In what way?

All of them.

All the ways.

Every single way.

Red and gangly.

Yeah.

Curly tail.

Yeah.

That little curly tail.

I can imagine you swimming around like sat in the boil like it's a jacuzzi.

Yeah, yeah.

Sat in the boil.

Yeah.

With like whiskers or some shit.

I feel like they have that.

I feel like they have little face bits.

Someone will do that for us.

I know someone listening now will do a mock-up of James as a little crawfish sat in the boil like a jacuzzi.

Yeah, make sure you tag Timo in it so you can see.

Thank you so much.

I just want to know what, yeah, because I'm picturing it pretty clearly so i'm just wondering how other people can mention it

the the berries

um they're like there's like a little sugar sprinkled on what sort of sugar powdered sugar um i'd say a bit of it's we're doing like a brown sugar situation so it's before it gets involved and we're gonna like make

a strawberry like sauce but that's not gross have you had the ones where it's like what the fuck and why are these berries so fake and red like the strawberry sauce where it looks like blood, basically.

Yeah, and I'm like, this is a lie.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

You hate being lied to.

You hate being lied to, but with what we've learned.

I love honesty in the kitchen, everywhere else.

Hate being lied to.

Full disclosure.

Tell me what's in the meal.

Is there Chorizo?

That's fine.

Just tell me.

You always tell the truth with your California tongue.

No.

I think you believe that you're telling the truth, but you might be making it up as you go along.

So with the light, with the Appleton.

Well, that bitch.

Yeah, that memory that you've been.

You were lying about rum, rum, rum.

You're lying about rum, rum, rum, that's true.

Yep, that's 100% a lie.

But at the same time, it wasn't a lie, because it was more so a joke that only I thought was funny.

So it's different.

But I guess that's what a lie is.

Yeah.

That's a definition of a lie.

It's a joke that only you think is funny.

Wow.

I did a whole Edinburgh show of those once.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Full of lies.

My little liar.

Just lying it up.

My career is built on lies.

So I'll read your menu back to you.

Thank you so much.

Tell me how you feel about this.

Yeah.

Still water.

You would like some biscuits with cinnamon honey butter from Texas Roadhouse.

Yeah.

You would like corn tortilla chips with salsa.

Your main, you would like chicken enchiladas with tomatillo sauce.

Yeah.

Tomatillo sauce.

Do you say it properly, James?

No.

No.

Side dish.

You would like boiled crawfish with potatoes and corn.

I'm going to throw up.

Drink, you want a charter with rum?

With Appleton rum?

Yeah.

Dessert, you would like angel cake?

Because it's the best rum in the world.

Do you have the best rum in the world?

As we all know from the film.

Yeah.

Dessert.

Rum rum rummings.

Angel cake with fresh berries, brackets, straw and rasp.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Lovely menu.

Feel good about it.

Um,

no.

No.

I feel

like I've made some really strong choices individually, um but this is definitely probably gonna result in vomit, I'd say, or like a deep nausea.

Definitely for the crawfish.

Yeah, that that came in and I was like, whoa,

bold choice.

Yeah, when you heard that, you were like, oh no, I've made a mistake.

But this is the dream restaurant.

No one feels ill in the dream restaurant.

Oh, lovely.

Then I'll have a three of everything.

Phenomenal.

Thank you so much for coming, Kima.

Thank you, Kima.

Thanks for having me.

Thanks for chatting with me.

This has been very fun, and now I'm hungry as fuck.

There we are, Keema Bob.

How are you feeling, James?

There was a lot of puke talk.

There was.

It's almost as if she knew coming in

that you were hungover and that there was a lot of puke and shit talk.

Oh, God.

I know.

I encouraged some of it.

Yeah, you did.

You pushed it, and then Jeers came up.

And then

her drink was something creamy with booze added to it.

Oh, no.

You did very well not to be sick, man.

Thank you very much, Ed.

Oh, thank you to Kima.

That was a delicious menu.

It's not your fault that one of our recording team has a problem.

Thank you very much for coming in, Kima.

If you like the sound of Kima,

her Twitter at Kima Bob, check it out, see what she's up to.

She runs a comedy club called Fock It Up, Femmes of Colour Comedy Club, so check that out on Twitter as well.

James, what you up to, me old cham?

I'm nursing a hangover.

Yeah, anything else career-wise?

I'm doing some gigs, and

I'm on the Drunk Women's Solving Crime podcast.

Yeah, you are.

Unless they edit you out.

It sounds like you were a right little terror.

I'd like to get a edit out of it.

All I did was just scream, Deathbar Chocolate, all the time.

I have a special available on Amazon Prime now, so check that out.

It's some of my humor.

I'm also doing a final last date of my tour in London at the Shepherd's Bush Empire on December 20th, which is going to be a big one.

Get tickets for that.

Thank you very much.

Check me out on At Agamel Comedy on the Social Meads.

That sounds cool, Ed.

Thank you very much for coming to the off-menu restaurant again.

We will see you again soon.

Bye-bye.

Hey, I'm Paige DeSorbo, and I'm always thinking about underwear.

I'm Hannah Berner, and I'm also thinking about underwear, but I prefer full coverage.

I like to call them my granny panties.

Actually, I never think about underwear.

That's the magic of Tommy John.

Same, they're so light and so comfy, and if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.

And the bras, soft, supportive, and actually breathable.

Yes, Lord knows the girls need to breathe.

Also, I need my PJs to breathe and be buttery soft and stretchy enough for my dramatic tossing and turning at night.

That's why I live in my Tommy John pajamas.

Plus, they're so cute because they fit perfectly.

Put yourself on to Tommy John.

Upgrade your drawer with Tommy John.

Save 25% for a limited time at tommyjohn.com/slash comfort.

See site for details.

When disaster takes control of your life, ServePro helps you take it back.

ServePro shows up faster to any size disaster to make things right, starting with a single call, that's all.

Because the number one name in cleanup and restoration has the scale and the expertise to get you back up to speed quicker than you ever thought possible.

So whenever never thought this would happen actually happens, ServePro's got you.

Call 1-800-SERVPRO or visit ServePro.com today to help make it like it never even happened.

Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah, and we are the Weirdos Book Club Podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September, the time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true, Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.