Ep 24: Sian Clifford

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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James, Ed, dinner's ready.

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast.

Hello, mum.

Oh, that's awkward because I'm playing mum, but I'm also Ed.

Yeah.

Oh, that's fine.

That's Eddie Murphy.

Yes.

Eddie Murphy would do that.

That's true.

That is your surname.

Yes, Murphy.

Yes.

I've had to change it, unfortunately, because there's already already another Eddie Murphy.

Yeah.

I've gone with Ed Gamble.

But your original name was Eddie Murphy.

Yes.

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast.

I'm Eddie Murphy.

Ed Gamble, so I'm always doing that.

And over there is James A.

Caster.

Hello.

Hello.

Good to see you, Ed.

Lovely to see you, James.

Would you like to take us through what the podcast is about?

Oh, with pleasure.

We have a guest on every single week.

We ask them what their best ever starter, main course, dessert, side, and drink are, not in that order, and it makes their dream meal.

You wouldn't believe believe that this was episode 24, and James still hasn't quite worked out how to say what the podcast is about.

Very difficult to tell people.

Yo, I don't talk about myself.

It's not about you.

So, episode four of series two.

Just like to take this opportunity to say thank you so much for all the great feedback.

We're recording this in advance of the second series being released, so we're just assuming there's been some great feedback.

Yep, probably will be some great feedback, right?

And if there's not, you just say it anyway, and people believe it.

Trump.

Thank you very much for all your wonderful feedback.

And no, you can't have your food back because we've eaten it all.

Yes, the feedback to the podcast should be called food back.

Yes, there we go.

Happy with that?

I'm very happy with that.

Who's our guest this week, James?

Sean Cle Lifford.

Sean Cle Lifford, apparently.

Well, I was trying to say, I was talking to me, Benita, about this before the podcast is when I was younger, there was Muppets Tonight was on TV.

It was a show called Muppets Tonight.

Yep.

How old do you think I am?

Yep.

And

the host was called Clifford, and they would say, please welcome your host, Curlford, like that.

And I went to do it and like that.

And then I thought, no, not everyone to know what I'm on about.

And then I doubted it, and then I really messed it up.

Sean Clifford is our guest today.

Yep.

Sean is an actor.

She's been in loads of wonderful things, including a little show that I've discovered, James,

called Flea Bag.

Oh, Flea Bag.

Yeah, I believe it's on the BBC now.

I told the BBC about it, and they've picked it up and put it on the iPlayer.

It's called Flea Bag.

Flea Bag.

She's in that.

Fantastic.

Yes, she's very good.

And we're very lucky to have her at the Dream Restaurant today.

Very excited to have her at the Dream Restaurant.

Although, we're not so excited that we have not instituted a secret ingredient that if she says it, we'll kick her out of the goddamn restaurant.

You better believe it, Ed.

Does the word dill mean anything to you?

It does.

And you know what?

I don't mind dill in small little portions or a little flavor, but don't dump a bush on top of my food mate don't dump a bush on top of my food mate also it's not all the other herbs are the texture of leaves right yes dill is like hair ah it's like a wig it's like someone's put a green wig the big old toupe yeah so no dill

if dill is a major ingredient in any of these dishes that's it so if sean says dill she will be out of the restaurant absolutely hope she doesn't because i'm looking forward to hearing the dream meal of sean clifford Here, the podcast.

They're lost.

Let's talk about food, shall we?

Yes, please.

Welcome to the dream restaurant, Sean.

Oh, my God, it's not what I expected.

Uh-oh.

Welcome, Sean.

Welcome to the restaurant.

Good to see you.

We've been expecting you for some time.

For many decades we knew you would come that's part of the dream restaurant is that we've got life yeah we've got a bookings uh a bookings app that tells us for decades in advance who's coming everyone was meant to be here who comes here is their destiny yeah and you decorate it exactly how they want it yeah is this what you imagined yes perfect take us through what take us through what's in the restaurant today um loads of natural light yeah a lot of natural light i harvested that myself um

the sun is shining there's a cool breeze blowing.

Yep, Bob Marley.

Yep.

Yeah.

Is that Bob Marley?

The sun is shining.

Did I unintentionally quote him?

I think you did.

Bob Marley.

And there's Bob Marley in the corner, of course,

playing live in the dream restaurant today.

In terms of restaurants you've been in in real life.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, this is real life, but this is also a dream.

But

until now.

Just in case you'd forgotten, this is also real life, Sean.

Okay.

Yeah, it's real life, but

what is real good point good point Sean's been smoking some doobies before coming in

perfect that's a perfect way to start a lovely meal i think if you're gonna meet a genie you want to get baked beforehand smoke a fat one before the before the bread yeah

so but has there ever been a restaurant you've walked into and just the way it looks the decor everything is like you're like oh this is this is the best one the best one so far i love it maybe it's the wallpaper maybe it's the music maybe it's the natural light i'm gonna say the first thing that popped in my head,

which was a place called Shutters in LA.

Have you been there?

No, no, it's called Shutters on the Beach.

It's a hotel which I've never had the

opportunity to stay in.

It's a very expensive hotel, but it's

that restaurant is that's very beautiful.

Can't remember the food though.

Paint a picture of what it looks like.

It's like a beach house.

So it's on Santa Monica Beach, and

yeah it's like one of those new england um

yeah little houses so it feels quite cozy but it's yeah the windows wide open and it's natural light natural light guys natural light sean loves natural light have you ever tried a picnic sean

natural light 360 yeah yeah you won't believe it

So much fun.

Picnics, I do, I find picnics a bit annoying.

Yes, yes.

Now,

correct.

correct, Sean.

We've not talked about picnics on the podcast yet, but I've got a few bones to pick with picnics.

Okay, I've got a few bones to picnic.

There's nothing substantial to eat, so you that's down to you.

I'm going to say that now.

Okay, the picnic is very easy.

You bring it, you bring it.

And can I just say, this ties in perfectly with something I saw this week.

I was out for a walk in Richmond, and some people were having a picnic.

This is how posh Richmond is.

It was a catered picnic.

No.

In a public area, they had like a chef and a like a trestle table laid out with like stuff the chef had brought.

You know what catered means.

It was.

And the chef had brought the stuff.

It was a catered picnic.

That's awful.

Okay, that's the way to do it.

Yeah, that's the way to do it.

In that case, the food thing would not be an issue.

I have a problem with sitting on the floor.

Okay.

My body's not made for that.

Yeah.

I'm standing on a chair.

Stiff hips.

Yes.

Yeah.

Stiff hips, exactly.

I don't like having, yeah, laying down and having your elbows propping you up.

Yeah, you can never find the right position.

That position is horrible, isn't it?

Yeah.

Elbows, elbows behind you.

Or the other way, where your back is like...

So what you're laying on your front?

Laying on the front.

Doing like the downward dog.

Is that?

No, no, it's not downward dog.

No, that's like Cobra.

What yoga position is best for a picnic?

I only know the Sanskrit words.

No, but

you know the Sanskrit?

Bonita's doing it.

It's soup tip by the Kanasna.

Oh, but Bonita's just suggested that people tweet us in.

What yoga position is best for a picnic?

Yeah.

Hashtag yoga picnic.

Yeah.

Also, do hashtag got a got a boner picnic.

Got a boner picnic.

Because I can't believe we let Ed get away with that.

Yeah, but that was a good pun.

Got a boner picnic.

When you said it, Sharma's being very polite as a guest there, but she.

I don't really like puns, but I thought that was quite a good one.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Daddy Gamble.

Old Man Gamble over there.

Old Man Gamble, that's me.

But when you said it, it sounded like got a boner picnic.

Got a boner picnic.

Yeah, because I'm the bad boy of the podcast.

Everyone knows that.

that would make the picnic even more uncomfortable to be honest it would actually yeah uh it makes any situation uncomfortable but basically what about cross-legged sitting cross-legged

they'd still be able to see it oh were you talking about picnics or bonus in that situation i thought we were talking about huh

no uh

you definitely couldn't do cobra no i could not do the cobra tell you that much

uh you'd be like one of those robots where robot wars is flipped over then they might self-write self-right themselves.

Or it'll prop you up.

Yeah, yeah.

Like a kickstand.

Can I just say I think we've we've really focused in on exactly what my humour is there?

Yeah, yeah.

Robot Wars has a bad thing.

The Robot Wars bona flipping over on his back is exactly my humour.

Well done.

Well done, everyone.

I agree about the no-good food at the picnic, though, because I've never...

People like us who don't want to go on picnics are never the people who pack them.

That's the thing.

That's the catch, isn't it?

Because, like, I thought it was a bit unfair when you said it was Sean's fault.

Because if you don't like a picnic, you're not packing the picnic.

Yeah, so you're made to go on the picnic, and the people who do pack it don't care because they think it's nice enough that you're just going for a picnic.

Sure, but if you don't like picnics and you get invited to a picnic, why not try and make the picnic better by taking along something that you might enjoy?

What would be your dream picnic food?

So, I'm um vegetarian and aspiring vegan, is what I'll say.

Um, but the so I'll always take I always take strawberries,

which I think is a

good, that's safe.

You're cutting them with anything?

Are you putting some cream or some sugar on them?

No cream because I don't do dairy.

But also stuff like that is gonna

curdle in the sun.

Like stuff spoils so quickly.

And everyone's got those little packets from MS and it's just like warm artichokes.

It's just, yeah, there's something about it that's, I don't know, unless you have it catered or, you know, you bring your cool box.

Yeah.

Yeah, the cool box.

And you're one of those people.

Yeah, exactly.

Own a cool box.

No, not doing that.

Imagine going and buying a cool box.

That seems like the sort of thing I'd do if I was invited to a picnic.

I'd buy a cool box and then, and then I'd be at home with the cool box and go, I just think I'm going to throw that cool box away.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm part of the problem.

If I bought a cool box and I had it at home, I would want to put

my head in it and sort of of just see how cool it is.

That's how you're going to die, isn't it?

But you need to put

ice in it to cool it.

It then keeps the cool in, right?

Oh, it's not just cool.

It's not just

like a fridge.

It's not a self-sustaining, wireless fridge.

I can put any...

But then it's the ice keeping it.

Of course, what's the point of the cool box?

You just have any box and put some ice in it.

Yeah, but then that's going to, the ice is going to melt and it's not going to be cool anymore.

Whereas a cool box is like anything.

It insulates it.

Like a thermos.

Yeah, Like a

big thermos, giant thermos.

Okay, well,

don't believe the height then because I wouldn't want to put my hand in a thermos.

Finally, someone's destroyed cool boxes.

Yeah,

can we start you with some still or sparkling water, Sean?

Um, still, please, loads of lemon, no ice.

I like that, yeah.

I do actually.

Now, why no ice?

Okay, this ice thing has to stop.

This is that is 100% adopted from American culture.

We never used to have ice or like you'd ask for it.

It would be an extra.

Now it's like every water cooler you go to, it is like drinking Antarctica.

I hate it.

Interesting.

Just when the cool box thought it wasn't going to get any more, it wasn't going to

it and kicking its lifeless corpse around the room.

I'd say the ice problem is much more prevalent in America still, though.

The crushed ice, the loads of ice, when they bring you water.

I like in America they just pour water as you don't have to ask for it, but there's always so much ice.

Bottomless, bottomless glasses.

Bottomless water.

Go for it.

But the crushed ice is, you have to drink around it.

I hate it.

Yeah,

it's overwhelming, the drink.

I wouldn't say overwhelming.

Does it panic you when you see too much ice?

No, and actually, I like to crush ice, but that's like a separate thing.

So

what do you mean?

I like to crunch ice.

Do you like to crunch it on its own?

You have to eat it on its own.

You want it in a drink.

You want it on its own?

You want a separate

bowl of ice.

Can I have some ice on the side, please, and I'd like to crunch it.

A little clue to your starter movie.

Yeah.

A little bowl of ice.

Delicious.

A little bowl of ice cubes.

Delicious little bowl of ice.

No, I'm like trying to cut it down because it does as well.

Like, we live in a cold country, and I'm like one of those people.

I know.

There was a period in my life where I was very, very unwell, and it affected what I could eat for like honestly years so um

and so I've read so much about nutrition and I know too much about food okay in a really irritating way okay like I know and it I've I've sort of gone beyond it now

it's just more that you get obsessive about like good and bad rather than being like now I'm into intuitive eating where it's like just eat what your body wants just eat it eat what you're craving it's you know I had a I had a similar well probably not a similar thing but um because i'm type one diabetic yeah for a for a long yeah and how did i get it

ed fell in the ten

when i was really trying to get on top of that stuff it's that you really need to know about carbohydrate content so you can inject the right amount of insulin for food so i used to get obsessed with the grams of carbohydrates and things yeah yeah yeah reading packets learning about it trying to work out if you went out for a meal what grams of carbohydrates were in it for like a year and a half and it just gets too much and now i think i think that's like a superpower Now I can just look at something and tell you

grams.

Yeah.

And also, it's just about then just relaxing.

That's like meeting Pokemon.

James has just started playing Pokemon Go.

2019?

He is two years behind the craze.

I thought about starting it recently.

I'm not going to lie.

You're starting it because it's not going to be a good thing.

It's just James on there now.

Yeah.

That's the best thing about it.

He's winning everything.

You're tired of the table.

The crowds are clear.

There's so many Pokemon out there.

You clean up after everything.

You're not going to walk off a cliff.

Exactly.

I won't walk off a cliff.

I won't get hit by any cars.

I'm just going around getting all the Pokemon that everyone's forgotten about.

Oh, my God.

Fantastic.

It's a bountiful world out there now.

This is a top tip.

It is a top tip.

Well, actually, I don't want to tell everyone about it because then everyone will do it, and then I won't be on my own anymore.

So now, how we got to ended up getting to this?

Because

I know about Pokemon.

I'm going to talk about diabetes, and then in your head, you went, I'm bored of this.

I want to talk about Pokemon.

Well, you guys were saying about you know all about carbohydrate stats and all that kind of stuff.

I know all about Pokemon stats.

Give us one.

Give us a good step.

If you want to upgrade uh the uh the graveler you need a hundred uh a hundred candies

good to know back to food brought it back to food lemon how much lemon you putting in the water loads of lemon loads of lemon one whole and i want it like squeezed so it's like in the water yeah it's a real i don't know tangy little when people just put i know a lemon wedge or a lime wedge in something and don't squeeze it yeah you're not getting no

gin and tonic If someone, I have a gin and tonic in a pub and there's a lime wedge in it, lovely, like a bit of lime, but I will have to pick the lime wedge out.

Yep, sorry.

Give it a squeeze.

You've got to get it.

Did you ask them to squeeze the lemon?

No, I'll just, no.

No.

No, actually, I'll just do that.

None of us do.

I'll leave it a chance.

Yeah, that seems a step too far in terms of ordering something, I think.

No ice and squeeze the lemon.

Yeah, I mean, that lemon that's in, you can probably hear that listener.

That hasn't been squeezed.

But like, it's not been squeezed, has it?

Sean's literally got a jug of water there with some lemon, two wedges of lemon in it.

But you know what it's got now?

It's got bits of lemon floating in it, and at first you're not sure what they are.

What did you think they were?

As in, no, like, you know, like little

bits of the lemon have come off, so you go, oh, what's that?

And then you go,

oh, it's just bits of lemon.

How do you worry that it might be?

Snot.

Snot.

Yes.

That's your first thought.

That's what it looks like.

Little off-menu prank that we like to do like, yep.

Welcome to the show.

or bits i was thinking bits of people's lips like someone with flaky oh

flaky lip person surely had drink out

of it i don't want to drink that now oh like martin clunes

i bet he has flaky lips i reckon he looks i reckon

i reckon he salves them

he knows he's got he's got he's got lovely bigger lips right he must pop a bit of lip salve on i've worked with him oh yeah he played my father-in-law what were his lips like flaky they

i think they were sumptuous and

they were fine.

They were delicious.

From what I remember.

I don't know.

Myself and clunes have both got

big old whackers on us.

What?

I've got big lips.

Have you?

I never really noticed cloons level, sure.

No.

No.

But pretty big lips.

I've got a small nose as well.

So I'm thinking

in comparison.

Small nose, big lips.

That was my nickname.

The dream.

Yeah.

Ever had any nicknamed Sean?

I've got some, yeah, like from school,

Shannon, for the people who couldn't say Sean.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

They're sort of halfway there when they say Shannon, though, aren't they?

I know.

It's only a small one.

I don't know.

That's the one that stuck.

Shannon, Sharnage.

That's another.

Poplum's off red.

Poplars of red, Sean.

Poplars or bread.

You're a genie.

Yeah, yeah.

And you like loot poles?

Yes.

This is exciting.

Have you heard of...

This is exciting.

I think something else falls into that category.

James' typing up a cheat code here, and I'm getting quite excited about it.

Doses and Hoppers.

What do you know about those things?

Yeah, OS.

I like both of those things.

Do you think they fall into that category?

I've never really had them much.

You took me to a restaurant once, James.

You took me to Hoppers.

Have you been to Hoppers?

Yeah, Hoppers.

Which is amazing, isn't it?

It was on my birthday once.

Yeah, I did.

You went to Hoppers for his birthday.

Yes.

That's a nice treat.

It It was really a nice treat.

And then we had ice cream afterwards.

Yeah.

Joe, yeah, I probably, well, what do you think?

What's the actual dish here?

Because if it was like from Hopper's, it's got something that's then that's like a big that that feels like a main.

But if you're just having like something on its own, then it might, I think it'll probably qualify.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it, Sean.

Because originally I was going to say both.

There's a key word in it.

I'm actually trying to find a way to get

every dish ever into the meal.

Well, you can get a hopper with an egg in it.

Yes, the best.

It's the one thing keeping me from being a vegan is the egg.

The hopper with the egg.

Or the egg in general.

The egg in general.

Just the egg in general.

Yeah, the egg in it.

The runner yolk of an egg is my biggest nemesis right now.

Guess what old man?

recently got into boiled eggs.

As a 33-year-old man, I'd never really eaten boiled boiled eggs before, but now I have one to two boiled eggs every morning.

My God, I love it.

Soft-boiled eggs.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

And I scoop out a bit of them and then pour hot sauce into

the egg, into the shell.

Not done that.

Make it all around.

Oh.

Dirty old man.

I get it.

I'm not a dirty old man.

Sorry.

Dirty.

I didn't like what I heard.

Why am I a dirty old man for having a soft-boiled egg?

I didn't like what I just heard,

making a little hole and pouring the hot sauce into the egg.

I didn't like that.

Sean didn't like it either.

I put paprika in there, a little pinch of paprika

and some salt.

That sounds nicer.

What's wrong with a bit of hot sauce?

It's a bit scummy, innit?

Putting your hot sauce in the boiled egg.

Keep it down.

But paprika and salt is dignified.

Right.

Peel salt in a bit.

Do you peel all the shell off the egg first and then salt it?

How are you doing it?

I'm tapping.

Uh-huh.

Peel off the top bit.

Yeah.

Then a little sprinkle of my seasoning,

and that goes on the little white on the little cap that you've taken off, too.

The head of the little head, yeah.

And then

the soldiers go in.

Oh, now here's where we differ.

I'm not having any soldiers.

What?

Eggs, very anti-war.

Little, right, little hippie.

Yeah.

Okay, we're talking about different meals.

I am a conscientious objector.

Yes.

So you just eat it like a

soup.

Like a little savoury yogurt.

like a little petty falo.

Like a putty falou, yeah, putty falou.

That's the word I was looking for.

I eat it like a little putty falou.

Is that controversial?

That is very controversial to me.

She's taken this lightly.

She's absolutely horrified by what you're doing.

She's disgusted, honestly.

Yeah, I'm just eating it just straight protein on with my day.

Convert him.

Convert him, Charlotte.

I've got to get the soldiers in there.

They're so warming.

And I tell you what, Egg and Soldiers was a contender for my starter.

Wow.

Oh, wow.

a that would have been a big swing for a starter yeah essentially breakfast essentially breakfast

i mean it's still on there honourable muncher now key question james are we letting sean have hoppers no i'm sorry sean i'll produce the great bonito doesn't know what a hopper is and he would like you to explain it

so i'm gonna say it's like almost like a basket right

it's like it's like a it's a pancake and bread sort of in one and it's like a little bowl and it's really really thin and really really crispy and in the middle of it is an egg a fried egg

that was a very good description yeah

you started off by saying it's a bit like a basket and i thought we're in trouble here

so i thought i don't know if people at home are really going to get a good impression of what a food item is when you just describe it like a non-food item but then The more that went on, the more I was like, yep, absolutely.

That sums me up.

And the egg is optional, but

I I have a lot of respect for the eggs in there it's one of my favourites that I love it I don't want to die I don't want to deny well it's a poppums or bread yeah but it should be it's a starter isn't it it's not a poppadums or bread

unless we let people have poppadoms and we let people put things on the poppadoms don't we yeah yes

yes we do

is it just like a different

option for the poppadums and then like the egg is like what a chutney would be on a poppadom yeah it's up to you genie oh it's difficult isn't it i think that you've made such a good argument for it, and I also love hoppers so much.

I

love the egg when I will let you, I will let you have it because, like,

I know you're passionate about it.

And we let Desiree have nachos, didn't we?

We did, although

that's more of a traditional pre-meal.

Yeah.

They actually do get bought out pre-meal.

I'm happy with the hop.

I'm happy with the hoops.

And they are covered in other food.

Yeah, they are.

Smothered in it.

They're just a vehicle for other food, really.

Ask Joel Dommit.

He'll tell you.

Surprised naturalists, never know how big they're going to be.

Absolutely more.

So, I think hoppers with an egg.

Yeah, and you know what?

We're making that call.

All three of us might be lambs of the slaughter on Twitter.

We might have a lot of

listeners taking us on on that.

We might have to mute our Twitters for a bit.

We come to your starter now.

Okay.

So, we know that it's not boiled eggs.

It's not going to be boiled eggs and soldiers.

So I'm going to get,

I have like a list because there were so many.

And also, I have, I feel like a lot of starters and sides can be interchangeable.

Okay.

Yep.

Do you know what I mean?

Do you know what you mean?

They often come up.

So there are like,

in terms of like vegan restaurants that are popping up, there are loads of like, I love junk food.

And there are loads of like, you can get now jackfruit wings or you can get these.

I'm convinced, by the way, i'm going to say the secret ingredient today oh yeah you reckon you are i'm really i'm really worried yeah because i usually agree with all of yours all of your things and you've but the ones that things that i do like you've already said if i say anything that i that you've already said in the past secret ingredients

yeah that's fine don't worry about that

so one of the like best meals I've ever ever had was when my sister and I took my

our mum away to this hotel spa place.

I have no idea where it was or what it was called, and it was a long time ago, so their chef has probably changed.

I don't know.

But we had

not say died there.

Yeah, I thought that's where you're going.

I thought their chef has probably died.

I had the most delicious, it's so basic, but it was a leek and potato soup, but it was the most buttery,

creamy, delicious thing I've ever eaten.

And I don't know, I don't know how they made it.

And I've tried to recreate it and I can't.

And so that is like a really

strong food memory for me.

Yes.

That's something that I love as a starter.

And I cook it all the time because I love it, love it, love it.

Oh, so you still like leek and potato soup in general?

Yeah.

So you love the dish itself.

It wasn't just that that one caught you off guard and was the best one.

I mean, it is the best one, but leek and potato soup is the kind of thing where I'd think like

I wouldn't be bothered with it.

Maybe I'll leave it straight away.

My observation was as soon as you said lean potato soup, I was watching James's face, and I think you've got some convincing to do here.

Okay, yeah, he's a bit livid.

Well, this is a maybe this particular one.

When you said buttery, I was like, I'll see what's happening here because you know, there's so many things.

I'll see what's happening here.

Yeah, I see what's happening here because, like, we've all ordered something before, that sounds a bit boring, but I'll have it anyway.

And then, actually,

the chef surprises you by making it well.

They do something for the vegetable that where the flavor is so enhanced, it's like a new sensation.

Yes, look, I like a licking potato soup, but I think a licking

thing is butter and salt.

Okay, yeah, all right,

is what I think.

But I think if you had an amazing licking potato soup, it would have to be that one.

Yes, so like that, but that sounds like a bad thing.

And Sean, can I just say as well, we're not giving you an easy ride because we know you've heard the podcast before.

So, this is probably the most we deconstructed of guest menus

straight off the bat.

Well, another thing that was that was like a very close contender, which I think you will go for, is do you know Padella?

Aware of it, not been to it.

That's Skinner's partner.

I beg your pardon, Padella and Skinner at the Lightning Seeds.

Are you all right today, James?

I thought we're doing puns there.

I'm trying to get on the pun,

the pun train.

Sean doesn't like puns.

Oh, yeah, sorry, Sean.

I don't know Padella, though.

Padella is

this,

it just sells pasta.

It's like

a basket.

It's like a big basket.

It's like a big basket.

Big old basket.

People sit in it and eat food.

No, it's, you must have heard, you've heard about it, right?

And the big queues, right?

Huge queues, no reservations, just like Hopper's, this other restaurant.

Like, you know a restaurant in London is generally good if they don't take reservations and they make you queue for two hours.

Yeah.

And this one is always, even if you go on a Monday at lunchtime, you will still have to queue for two hours to get in.

Wow.

And it's, um, they have a really, really small menu.

There's hardly any, they have like, I don't know, eight dishes on the menu.

It's all just

beautiful, freshly made pasta.

And there's this gnocchi that they do with nutmeg butter that is

unbelievably good.

And I know you would both lose your minds if you ate it.

Yeah, I think I would lose my mind.

It is.

Sounds great.

That sounds amazing.

Also, no one's chosen gnocchi yet, and I love it.

You love gnocchi, don't you?

I love it.

And when it's like freshly made, it literally just melts.

It's so delicious.

Nyoci, are we saying gnocchi?

Ganoki.

Are you saying that?

It's not like that.

Every time I eat it, it reminds me of Dennis Menace's dog.

Nyasha.

Yeah, Nyasha.

Yeah.

Ganasha?

Ganasha.

I used to say Ganasha.

You used to say it.

Chocolate Ganasha.

Chocolate ganache.

Chocolate ganache.

Oh.

Well, that's how we say it.

We are the fun bunch.

Is it just ganutmeg butter on this?

Or do you have other things?

No, that is it.

It's so plain.

You can get it with Parmesan, but I do not have Parmesan on it because it's not vegetarian.

Just in general, I'm glad that you don't.

Disgusting.

You don't like it?

No.

What?

You know that about me.

You don't like Parmesan?

Not the powdered or grated stuff.

No, but

I mean, this is fresh like from a yeah from a big wheel but it's not vegetarian

no uh most parmesan is made with animal uh suet is it called if it's not vegetarian i have no idea so you don't have the parmesan you just go straight you just go straight in and it is it's it is just it's so pure and beautiful and delicious and i've not had gnockey in ages yeah

i now i think just by the reaction that's got oh yeah that's i think you've got to take the gnocchi with nutmeg butter over leek and potato salt.

Yes.

Yep.

Yeah, that's fine.

I'm fine with that.

Okay, that sounds delicious.

Back on solid ground, I think.

Okay, good.

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Now we come to your main course, and so help me God if it's a main serving of leek and potato soup.

I found the loophole.

No, my main, again, a bit of a tussle.

Love junk food, love like burgers and things.

And there are so many amazing, like, vegan versions of that now.

And in fact, there's a new place that's just opened in South East London that I ate at last night.

That

I mean, it was unbelievably good.

Because I think what I don't think I miss full Nelson it's called you know what I don't miss the flavor of meat at all but I miss the texture

and they've I don't know how they've done it wow and I have to say like I your taste buds change when you become vegetarian because I was such a carnivore and I've only been vegetarian for three years now

but I've actually sent something back I've sent a breakfast back because I was convinced that the sausage was meat right and then someone who wasn't vegetarian ate it was like, that is definitely not meat.

Right.

But you, I've,

I don't know.

I've forgotten what it tastes like.

So I love like junk foodie stuff like that.

Yes.

I thought about like a roast dinner, stuff like that.

But actually, the best meal I've ever, ever had was in Thailand.

And

I...

was traveling there when I was 19

and

I just got there with two of my friends and we met up with two other friends of ours who'd already been in the country for a little while so they knew the road.

They'd organize for us to go on this trek.

Now I am not a fan of peril.

Right.

I hate anything.

Yes.

It's going to put my life in danger.

And this trek was one of those.

You're the person.

Well, you know, when they put on a film thing saying contains mild peril, you're the person they're warning.

Oh my gosh.

Just you.

Oh, I can watch it.

Other people can do it.

You're never, ever, ever.

It doesn't matter how much you paid me, you're going to get me to jump out of a plane.

No matter how much I paid you.

No matter how much I could raise for charity.

Nope.

Million pounds to stop people dying.

No.

Put an end to death.

Two million pounds.

Put an end to death.

Yep.

You think it would take one million pounds to put an end to death?

Just to hypothetical.

Oh, here we go.

Plugging your show again.

10pm on Dave.

Wednesday nights.

Josh wouldn't have like questioned the logic of my hypothetical question.

One million pounds and put an end to death.

Yep.

That's that.

Is that what he sounds like?

Yeah, yeah, he sounds like it's more like

near-death

experience.

Yeah, that's what you don't like.

And I did nearly die on this trek.

Right.

Where I like fell down the side of this.

What

it wasn't a mountain, but it was like a really sheer drop.

And my friend caught me by my rucksack.

Fuck off.

Oh, my God.

I'm not kidding.

Oh, my God.

We were just looking down at it.

No, it wasn't like that.

It was just like my footing went.

Yeah.

Because we were on like a really narrow bit of track.

And he just, he caught me.

How did he catch you and not fall with you?

Because someone caught his rucksack.

Was it a long chain?

It's like the human centipede, in a way.

No, we don't bring that up.

Not on a food podcast.

Yeah, good point.

That is the worst film to bring up on a food podcast.

Awful.

Apologies, Sean.

That hasn't happened during your episode.

Ed has brought up the film.

That is perilous.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'd expected that on Nisha's episode or something like that.

I mean, not Sean's.

Yeah.

Sorry, everyone.

How rude.

I thought you were going to say you fell down and landed in a restaurant and

corrected me.

Straight in a seat,

dished you up this amazing meal.

No, my friend caught me, and it was all very like,

I don't know, fraught and panicky.

And I already didn't trust my feet before that happened.

And then that happened.

It was disaster.

Now,

I mean, we could gloss over that detail, but tell us about your relationship with your feet that you don't trust them.

Like, in terms of like.

Have they got no rhythm, so you thought they were guilty?

Yeah.

You didn't.

Come on.

It's not pun.

I'm allowed that.

All right.

No, just in turn, like, to be honest, it's like mountains and trekking.

That's what I absolutely hate.

It's like, it's fear of falling.

And so I don't trust that, you know, when you say something out loud and suddenly, you're like, oh my God, that's the root of the problem.

I don't trust my feet.

And maybe I just need to trust my feet and I'd be fine.

Is it that you think your feet will just walk off the cliff?

Always think.

They'll just walk off the cliff.

They're just going to go on their own, go their own way.

Yeah.

They'll just do it.

This reminds me of, did you ever see the MC Hammer cartoon where his shoes were their own entity

i okay someone needs to bat me up on this otherwise i'm gonna sound mad well no it was an mcmm

and he had he had shoes that were like the talking shoes and they used to like walk for him whatever were they attached to his legs when he put them on oh yeah Benita, will you Google MC Hammer cartoon?

Yeah, they have eyes at the top and they're...

They've got a mouth.

Yep.

At the end of the shoe, it comes up from the sole so it it can speak.

Now, unfortunately, because you didn't know about that, and we've had to do all of that, all I've got based off this is I was going to say, did your feet feel like the shoes in Hammerman?

But you've not seen it, so not seen it.

No, but now you've seen them.

Is that what your feet were like?

No, because that's a bit creepy, isn't it?

It's a bit creepy.

Apologies again.

It's crazy that you're thinking about the backpack.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He did.

And he's like the oldest friend I have in the whole world as well.

Really?

Wow.

So, it was like a at that point, he was as well.

No, I've known him since like he's a month older than me, and we've known each other our whole lives.

Wow, wow, yeah.

So, after that story, I'm presuming your main course is going to be the taste of life.

The sweet taste of life that day.

Sweet, sweet,

taste of fresh air.

The sweet taste of being alive.

But basically, at the end of that trek, or the end of that day, we got to this

little place where we were setting up to camp.

And it was amazing.

We were like by this lake, and it was the full moon.

And

they basically, they cooked us this meal, which was the first time I'd ever had.

like a proper Thai curry.

So I'd gone for Thai with my family before that, but I'd always, I don't know, refused to eat full stop.

I think that's the end of it.

I think I just, I didn't, I, it felt too scary for me to try it.

I'm so sorry to interrupt.

I'm just going to say, this sounds a hell of a lot like a picnic.

Oh,

and shit, and a catered one at that.

It's a catered picnic in Thailand while you were traveling.

Yeah.

It sounds like your main cause is a catered picnic, but you know what?

It was made by, so we, you, when, when we were walking, we met, we went to visit this village,

and then, as a

like a courtesy or a welcoming thing, they made us this meal.

Okay, so it's actually

not a catered picnic, it's not but it was outdoors, it was outdoors, it was outdoors.

Okay, look, I just want to know where I'm going with it.

Never seen it.

I did sit, we did sit at a table though, okay, undercover

of a building.

It was indoors,

it wasn't a building in the sense that we know it, it was like an awning.

Upturned basket.

Under a big hopper.

Under a giant hopper sky.

I like the idea that Sean just compares everything to a bus.

And I'm sorry for being pinnickety at this point because I do want to hear what the curry was.

I want to hear what's in the curry.

I did say pinnickety.

He did say

picnickety.

Picnickety.

I'm pointing at Ed because i think you were about to you thought i'd done another pun didn't you i did yeah even though we all knew what was coming him in picnicity that is very funny it's a very funny thing to me

picnickety about a picnicity that is funny

um but no they made us this uh unbelievably delicious and rich green curry

and it was really really hot and i don't generally like um super hot stuff but it was perfect because you could still taste everything, and it was just it was amazing because I was alive, yeah.

And so that might have um enhanced why it was like one of the greatest meals I've ever had in my life.

So, would you like that as part of the main in the dream restaurant?

Would you like us to dangle you off the side of something and then give you the meal?

Absolutely not.

Okay, fair enough.

And was there any

veggie curry?

It was veggie curry

because it was baking hot.

So for them to have, well, it would have had to have been a fresh kill for it to have not gone.

Just someone else who'd

have to go to

the not been so lucky.

Would anyone like a backpack, by the way?

So it was absolutely, that was just, yeah, delicious with rice.

If you're in a Thai restaurant and you've got the choice green curry, red curry, you always go in green curry.

Always going green curry.

Me too.

Yeah.

Interesting, because I would not, I'm not a you know i'm not a big thie i'm not a big thai boy

um famously uh not a big thai boy no but i would always go red curry because i think that sounds like the spiciest i think it goes back to some sort of like annoying like spicy masculine thing

but green curry probably spicier right i'm not sure i just think it's tastier i think the flavor's better yeah i do too nathaniel matcalf um excellent comedian uh and friend of ours uh he used to work at a comic book shop on Berwick Street in London.

Gosh, Gosh Comics.

Gosh Comics.

Every Friday, there'd be like food stalls outside in the street.

There'd always be a guy who did curry, Thai curry.

He'd have a big

wok or whatever of green curry, a big old wok of red curry.

People just queue up.

Oh, the guy would have that.

Yep.

Nathaniel wouldn't eat a whole wok.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

The guy would have those.

That's all he'd have.

He'd have those two things, and once they were run out, he'd go home for the day.

And Nathaniel said, green curry went so much faster than the red curry every single time yeah every time benito seems to think that's not a good story why why are you looking like that bonito gonna cut that out that's a boring story really boring

the side dish

the side dish again so got another loophole coming around the corner no no loopholes just like literally i had about 20 things on this list so I was like how do I pin it down is this something you had after you were nearly by a bus look at that no but here's the thing you can see that list on your phone my god it's a novel

well there are

there are things that I love like um

there are there are things so I do love a slow roasted fennel but I'm not going to choose it

that would have been the ultimate trolling if you picked a slow slow-roasted fennel.

Maybe I'll do it.

Just look at him.

But I love, I love roasted, like roasted broccoli.

Oh my days, loads of salt, like a little bit crispy, delicious.

So I love stuff like that.

I love like,

I don't know, like the greens that they do, the mixed greens they do in Basaba are like really, really delicious.

I don't know what, I mean, it's probably just sugar that they put in that sauce, but it's so delicious.

But I think the side I'm going to go for, again, sort of bready-based,

later on in my trip in Thailand,

I had food poisoning.

Oh, God, what a trip.

Did you get food poisoning from the curry?

Exactly.

No, it was actually like.

And I think back to it now, it's actually quite terrifying because I was so young and I was just like,

I was really, really, really ill.

And like I was with you know me and my two mates we had no idea what we were doing but I just they went like um

white water rafting for the day and I just was like I can't like I could literally see my stomach spasming on my skin it was horrendous and it lasted for days I was so ill and

when you're that ill that it does cross your mind that you're going to die yeah of course i'd say with with me it's immediate as soon as a meal i'm like well that's me then that's it i'm dead bye-bye so So far.

Well, maybe if you're on a few skydives, then you wouldn't have to die.

Yeah.

So.

Maybe you'd be dead from the skydive.

Or have broken legs.

Sure.

I could, I catastrophize immediately, yeah.

I'll be like, I'm going to die.

Sometimes if I wake up in the morning and I'm the only one in the flat and then I look out the window and I can't see anyone immediately, I assume there's been a zombie apocalypse.

Just for a second, I'll be like, everyone else is dead.

This is it.

No one else is dead.

Just me.

Are you happy when you think that's the case?

I'm not.

Do you think that's not freedom?

Yeah,

I think, what am I going to do first?

It's an adventure.

But by the time I've thought through the adventure, I'm like, I'll see someone walking their dog or something.

Yeah.

You're like, oh.

And then you go, there's two of us, and me and that man are going to have to mate.

Yeah.

Or I think I'm going to kill that man.

Yeah.

Use immediately kill him before checking to see if there wasn't a zombie apocalypse or not.

Kill his dog.

Kill his dog.

Kill his dog.

Use it as a hack.

Kill his dog to it.

Kill his dog.

No, kill his dogs.

That's not acceptable.

It's not acceptable, really.

But if there's been a zombie apocalypse, and that's what Ed's under the impression of, and then he needs to make himself a warm jacket,

he's got to kill the dog.

But if I'm in my flat, I've got a jacket.

I don't think I could

legitimise killing the dog to wear a warm jacket when I've got maybe four jackets.

But it's the apocalypse now, and you've got to look the part.

You can't be going around in your normal jacket.

You've got to be wearing a dog.

That's true.

The apocalypse.

Yeah.

Disaster.

So it was a bit like that in Thailand.

A bit like that.

But I was so ill that I didn't call my mum.

Wow.

Do you know what I mean?

Where you're like, I didn't want to worry her.

That's and that's a really good way of leveling that illness out.

Yeah.

It had gone past calling your mum.

It was really bad.

And I was just like sipping water.

I didn't know what else to do.

And

coconut water, which is actually like the best thing you can have because it's like replaces all your electrolytes and whatever.

Actually, topped it for hangovers, P.S.

But the

only thing that I could eat after that that I could keep down were these

pancakes.

I think they have a special name for them.

And they and they fold them into a little square and they have like

condensed milk, but I think it's made from coconut milk.

And it's like,

oh my God, it's really sweet and delicious and warming.

And it was the only thing I keep down.

And it has such a comforting, safe memory for me that that,

I think that's going to be my side.

So they're getting a pancake and you're folding it into a square.

They fill it with the condensed milk coconut.

Condensed milk.

The sweet, sweet, sweet milk.

Yeah.

And then they fold it into a square and they serve it on a paper plate.

And

it's a savoury dish, technically.

Yeah.

Do you like pancakes?

I do.

Because that's the second pancake.

Second pancake, I think.

And

they might fight their way into the fight.

Unprecedented.

A double pancake.

If we end up with double pancake, this is going to be a legendary episode.

Yeah.

Well, it's still, I think it's already legendary.

If I've been two pancakes, actually.

Oh, yeah, double pancakes.

No one's already.

But they are one of my favourite things on the planet.

Have you ever missed Pancake Day?

I'm not segwaying into material.

James has got a lot of material about Pancake Day.

I had pancakes two days ago.

Wow.

At home.

For the listener, we love it.

You just made pancakes.

Recording this in July.

So did we know?

Oh, I think they are a year-round.

So I miss pancake day all the time.

Okay.

But I forgive myself when I just...

Yeah, every day is pancake day.

What did you have on your pancake two days ago?

What I will always have on my pancakes, which is lemon and sugar.

Lemon.

You just...

Tradition.

Tradish.

Oh, my God.

It's the greatest recipe.

And we're talking like thin pancakes.

Traditional pancakes, not thick American ones.

No.

Are you not into them?

No.

No way.

What?

No.

I'd prefer those over the thin pancake anyway.

I wouldn't prefer the cake.

Over the crepe.

Over a crepe.

I don't like a crepe.

Don't really like a sort of thin pancake.

If I was in a pancake place and it was a ranger of pancakes, I go to the thick American.

Of course.

The best pancake I've had is a little thin crepe at Camden Lock.

Camden Locks.

I went down there.

It's the sweetest.

You didn't even need anything on it, really.

Well, that's where my suggestion for best crep would be.

Down Camden Lock is a little stool.

Yeah.

There.

And I'll take that over a thick old American pancake.

Okay, here's why I don't like eating a crep.

When they give you a crep on a paper plate, it sometimes feels like you're just eating the paper plate.

A crep's just an animal.

You probably are.

You're fast eating little baskets.

You're into a crepe is just another basket.

That's true.

Crep's just another basket.

It's another

transporter of food.

Exactly.

Vehicle for food.

Okay, so those

Thai pancakes with condensed coconut milk.

I think I'm going to chuck that on the side if that's okay.

That does sound delicious.

They sound very nice.

Yeah.

And it's it's quite a like a cooling thing when you've got a hot curry.

Quite nice.

Okay, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Your drink now, which I'm guessing, pancake mix.

Yeah.

no, it's um actually the only cold drink that I like.

Oh, oh, oh, this is interesting.

You don't like any other because some people I've met who don't like hot drinks, that's quite common.

You don't like cold drinks, you only like one cold drink, only like one cold drink.

It's got to be milky because I don't drink alcohol either.

Okay,

so um,

other than water, I don't really like

I have hot chocolate I drink all the time.

Yeah, like that's my drink of choice servings.

You have a diet of a girl guide.

That's your drink of choice.

I love hot chocolate.

Would you have one

every day?

Would you have a hot chocolate?

If I could.

Would you go?

I fully respect this.

I don't know why I'm making fun of it.

Oh, this is totally, this is updated.

I love this drink.

But basically,

my drink that I choose, again, it's kind of.

So, do you know horchata?

No.

So, this is a Mexican drink,

but I first had it in Spain and it's made with tiger nuts.

So, it's a plant-based milk.

And tiger nut milk is now very popular and expensive and very easy to make yourself at home.

But, like, this was the first time I had it, and it is very creamy.

I mean, it's like a milkshake.

Yeah, it's really sweet.

I mean, it's like melted ice cream in a glass.

It is delicious.

Or, I would, or a milkshake, basically but what what what flavour you've had to choose between the two though you're going to choose a milk but i thought about like having like a cereal milk flavoured uh-huh malted milkshake

cereal i had a cereal milk milkshake from milk bar in new york and it's one of the best things i've ever tasted delicious absolutely incredible so it's either that or the hor chata yeah what do you think well you just the thing is the hor chata i don't know what flavour this horchata horchata is.

It's very sweet.

It's got, it's, it's sort of between, it's got a kind of nutty flavour.

It's between hazelnuts and almonds, I would say, the flavour.

Yeah.

It wouldn't be as thick as a milkshake.

Right.

The thing that's not making it easy for us to help you decide is that when you describe both of them, you describe it like the best things you've ever

tasted.

So it's hard for us to diff because like when you describe one and go, oh yeah, that one.

Chance you choose that that one and then you describe the other one and go oh then that one now sounds better and then you went back to the hor chatter and i was like no no now that one sounds good i look speaking my perspective is the hor chatter sounds more like a drink you could have with a meal whereas i think sometimes a milkshake overtakes a meal yeah it can be a pudding it can be a pudding It's like you're having your pudding at the same time as you're having your main sometimes with a milkshake.

Delicious.

Yeah, the dream.

The perfect meal.

Okay, we'll go with that then.

Is the cereal milk

milkshake?

Is this the thing you've actually had somewhere?

No, it's my dream.

I've made it up.

You've made it up.

This is your own dish.

I know it does exist somewhere in America.

Yeah.

Is it malted?

I don't know if it's malted.

I don't.

What is malted?

So where they put

barley malt in it and it has that flavor like of ovaltine or haulich.

Oh, I don't think I like that.

Don't like that flavour?

No.

I like it.

It feels like it could work with a cereal milk milkshake.

Oh, yeah.

We still need to make the decision here.

Okay.

I'm going going to go horchata because

it reminds me of an amazing time in my life when I was traveling in Spain.

Yeah.

So I'm going to go for it.

I think that's a good decision.

I think it's a good decision.

Made the right decision there.

The other one was an imaginary drink anyway.

Yeah.

But you're a genie.

Sure, but you know, you're running the risk there.

When I was a kid.

I've been doing something I've never had before, but it sounds nice, and then you might sip it and go, oh, no.

Disaster.

Yeah.

I shouldn't have had this for my dream wheel.

Yeah, yeah.

When I was a kid, I went to this this like circus, not a circus, I don't know, like a performance thing for kids.

And there was a guy on stage, and one of his tricks was to invite four kids up on stage and to give them whatever drink they wanted.

But out, but wait for it, out of the same teapot.

And I was.

Out Fox with cereal milk milk.

I was too scared to go up.

But I've never forgotten.

And the genie reminds me a little bit of that guy.

And I'm telling you, one of the kids picked carrot juice.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

What's wrong with that kid?

Trying to throw the magician off, I guess.

And

he had it.

And he did it.

I don't know how they did it, but they did it.

He actually made carrot juice come out of the teapot.

But do you know what?

He probably just had, you know, those things in pubs?

With the buttons, with the different things.

But then he can't have an infinite thing.

You can't have.

So whatever the kid's name is in there.

Oh, God.

If I was a little kid and they got me up to do that trick and

you get to me, I'll go, piss.

Yeah.

If only you, the listener, could see quite how proud James's little face is right now.

Like he's the little figures just send it to the petition.

All if they're really happy.

I mean, he's boxed him.

So they're really happy.

And then when he made the carriages come out, I'll be like, what's wrong with this guy's piss?

This guy's ill.

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That neatly brings us on to your dessert.

My dessert.

Well, again, I was just going to ask if I could have a trio of desserts.

What?

I'm greedy.

I respect that.

Talk us through it.

Talk us through, we'll make our minds up.

Pancake, pancake, pancake.

Three pancakes?

No.

Churros.

But like breakfast churros.

Have you had those in Spain?

No.

So that's like traditionally how they were eaten in Spain is you would have,

yeah, with chocolate sauce.

Hot chocolate.

Essentially.

Do you see how I've managed to like wangle everything in?

So those, but I would want them.

So my sister studied Spanish and so she like lived.

uh in Granada for a year of her study

and um when I went to stay with her for a few days, and she took me to this little cafe in the square, and I had and I tried that for the first time.

And that was, I mean, I love anything fried to be honest, but like that was

really fluffy, crisp on the outside.

I mean, they're basically donuts, aren't they?

But so, those, and they sprinkled them with cinnamon and sugar, and then you dip them in more sugar,

chocolatey sauce.

So, so those delish,

Also,

apple and rhubarb crumble.

Now, however, sometimes trio of desserts

fit together quite nicely.

You put them in like little shot glasses or something, or they thematically fit together.

Three little cheesecakes or something.

Cheesecakes and a brownie or something.

You've gone churros to crumble.

We've gone churros to crumble with really cold custard.

I think we're going to have to make you pick one, but take us through all the options.

Let's see it.

I mean, cold custard?

Yeah.

Do you know what?

I have a lot of time for that.

Yeah, so do I.

Cool.

You need the cooling element with the really hot pudding.

Yeah.

I go ice cream on a crumbling.

Delicious.

Yeah.

Which is the coldest of custards.

Coldest.

I've always said that.

But you always feel like custard is just melted ice cream.

Yeah.

Which I prefer.

Well, there are some ice cream places that are called.

So I went to a custard ice cream place.

Frozen custard.

Yeah, in America.

I went in Dallas.

Has had some like custard E ice cream.

Very good.

So would you like custody ice cream on there?

Or you want cold custard?

I don't want cold custard.

Cold custard.

Cold custard.

Cold custard.

That's my favourite option so far out of the two.

I'm not a I'm not a jury.

And what's the crumble?

Apple and rhubarb.

Apple and rhubarb.

Is it from anywhere in particular?

My mum's.

Crumble's one of those things.

It's got to be your mum's, really.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like roast potatoes.

Who's going on?

My favourite roast potatoes are someone else other than my mum's.

Sure.

I went for a pub lunch the other day.

I rarely have a Sunday lunch at a pub.

pub horrible disappointing yeah yeah you can always judge it by the potato yeah yeah that isn't crunchy and crispy and people have been like oh it's a really great roast you'll go for a really great roast there and it arrives and they are soggy

but it wasn't soggy it was like it was but it was hard oh but then not fluffy in the middle you could honestly if there'd been a riot i could have thrown that through a window yeah if the zombie apocalypse had happened you could have thrown a dog

with that potato yeah yeah

yeah so i think yeah, I think it's got to be, yeah,

mum's crumble, always.

My mum's crumble.

And then my other one.

Ed's surname's Crumble.

A comedian in New Zealand once told me that they used to think my name was Ed Crumble.

How do you feel about that?

I felt pretty good.

I texted James straight away because I knew he'd love it.

I loved it, I mean,

I think about it all the time.

That's my agent's dog's name.

Crumble.

That's nice.

R.I.P.

Come the apocalypse.

That's one.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Poor little Crumble.

Absolutely not.

I'll be wearing Crumble like a dragon.

You will be called Ed Crumble there.

Yeah.

Are you fair to take the names of your victims

after the apocalypse?

The third one.

I'll pick.

I'll pick.

Okay.

I'm happy little.

Is a lemon tart that my friend, a girl from my year at drama school, Sia Barkley,

who must go on must chef.

She is the most incredible cook.

She made this lemon tart, which was so

zingy and, I don't know, sour and sweet and lemony and delicious.

And the pastry was so short.

And it was just, it was just like a dinner that she made for friends.

It was unbelievably good.

So that.

What did you say to her when you had the tart?

I made a lot of noises.

Did everyone do that?

Was everyone?

Everyone lost their mind.

It was

absolutely delicious.

I do a lot of food noises.

We've talked about this before.

I'd go mad for food noises.

Do one now.

Oh, oh.

Like that?

I do that.

I've heard in the opening.

Your mouth is open there.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'm eating with my mouth.

Yeah, he's not closing his mouth.

I don't give a shit.

It's a horror show, Sean.

He's not polite.

It's an absolute horror show.

Not polite, but I am being polite because I'm saying I enjoy the food.

Yeah.

There you go.

Pick a team.

Do you do it like to the waiter to let them know?

Oh, yeah.

I make the waiter stay while I eat.

Yeah.

And if they try and leave, I hold their hand.

Yeah.

And then I eat and then I go,

it's pretty horrible.

Do you do that once you know how much you love the dish or?

Oh, no, I just always make the waiter stay regardless.

Okay.

Just hold their hand.

Even the McDonald's.

Yeah.

It's very lonely.

If he can't see anyone, he seems the world's ended.

So he needs the waiter to be there for the whole thing.

So, you're going to pick one.

What's it going to be?

Was that tart just as it was?

It wasn't.

It didn't have anything on it.

You didn't have any creme fresh?

I don't remember.

I don't think so.

No, I think it was just

like that.

A little lemony tart.

It might have had like a mint leaf.

Wadida.

Yeah.

Mint leaf one on that.

The decoration, but also for a little bit of flavour.

To cover its modesty.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's also, I think, when I see one single leaf, I just think of Adam and Eve.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Very wholesome boy.

Yeah.

On the back of the meal I've had,

I'm going to go lemon tart.

Whoa!

I was sure the crumble

was a head.

I was sure it was gonna be the crumble, but the lemon tart edged it.

To be fair, that lemon tart sounds more like, you know,

like you're not necessarily going to happen upon that all the time, are you?

This is your specific person made this.

And I think you're right.

If you're looking at it in terms of the meal that you've had, you don't want to whack a crumble on the end.

You do more.

You need something zinging.

You need something to liven up the mouth.

Fresh.

Light.

Yeah.

Yep.

Let me read your order back to you, Sean.

See if you're happy with these.

You'd like still water with loads of lemon squeezed and no ice.

Most specific water order we've ever had.

Yep, absolutely.

Never really thought about this, guys.

Problems of bread, you chose hoppers with an egg.

Your starter is

gnocchi with nutmeg butter.

Main, you would like Thailand Czech green curry after a near-death experience.

Side dish, you would like the coconut milk pancake, also from Thailand, after having severe food poisoning.

Your drink is ho chata.

And dessert, you would like lemon tart made by Sia Barkley.

Sia Barkley.

That sounds like a very strong meal.

I like that, and I like how sweet it is.

I think that's probably been our sweetest one, actually.

Quite sweet.

That might be the sweetest one.

You have to go through a lot in the main course to earn all of the dishes.

Yeah.

The near-death experience and food poisoning.

Yeah.

But it's worth it.

What was the secret ingredient?

Can you tell me now?

Dill.

Oh, wow.

I do love dill.

Do you like it?

Didn't mention it.

So thrilled.

Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant.

Oh my God.

Thank you for having me.

What a delicious meal.

Yes.

Every time.

What?

Huh?

There's a delicious meal every time if it has a nice sign-up.

I think it's a nice sign up, do you?

Delicious meal.

Another happy customer.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah?

I should have said that.

Yeah, too late now.

Bye-bye.

John Clifford's meal.

Yama, yama.

Yeah, real good meal, I think.

Very popular.

Nice and sweet.

Very popular here, I think it was popular with you because it was nice and sweet.

The Great Benito enjoyed it very well.

The Great Benito?

He doesn't say that lightly.

No, I liked it too.

I wouldn't say it's one of my favourites.

I'm less into the sort of sweet, savoury crossover business.

We know, we know.

But she described it very well and it was a pleasure to have her here in the restaurant thank you sean now the big question is dill or no dill oh i love it yes yes yes brilliant and it was no dill it was no deal no deal what a lovely pun that sean would have hated were she here sean has heard this podcast enough times that she was nervous

our first person was nervous about hitting upon the secret ingredients she was very worried that she might hit upon that secret ingredient she was very happy that she didn't we want our guests to fear us but she did not say deal well done sean uh sean's on uh on social media

you can check her social media out uh she's at sean's universe on twitter and uh sean still space on instagram fantastic also if you haven't watched fleebag what are you doing what are you doing with your lives guys watch it watch fleebag please there's a little dweeb in the second series who plays bassoon and that upset me because i used to be a little dweeb that played the bassoon that should have been your role he's a little creep would have been good role for you no no i can't act.

So, thank you very much for coming in, Sean.

James, what are you up to?

I've got a book coming out in August.

It's called Perfect Sound Whatever.

You can pre-order it online.

I can't wait to read it.

I'm in it, aren't I?

You are in it, and I refer to you by your full name every single time.

Thank you very much.

So, I want to let you know about some stuff that I'm up to.

I'm featured in a book called Perfect Sound Whatever by James A.

Caster, and that's out soon.

So, check that out.

I'm also on tour.

Go on to my website, edgamble.co.uk.

Just check out what I'm up to, guys.

James, what else are you up to?

Touring?

Oh, yeah, I'm doing touring and stuff, sure, but you know,

doing this podcast.

Doing this podcast, of course.

Check out this podcast.

We've got social media on that as well.

Oh, yeah.

At Off Menu Official on Twitter.

We've got a website, www.offmenuboys.com.

I wish it was that.

It's offmenupodcast.co.uk.

Oh, okay.

And we're on Instagram?

Yeah.

Off menu official again?

Yeah.

You did really well.

MySpace?

Yeah, we're on MySpace.

Off menu

yummy.

So thank you very much.

We'll be back next week with another guest.

Check out Off Menu Yummy or MySpace.

For now, we'll see you again.

Bye-bye.

Popsicles, sprinklers, a cool breeze.

Talk about refreshing.

You know what else is refreshing this summer?

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Hey, I'm Paige DeSorbo, and I'm always thinking about underwear.

I'm Hannah Berner, and I'm also thinking about underwear, but I prefer full coverage.

I like to call them my granny panties.

Actually, I never think about underwear.

That's the magic of Tommy John.

Same, they're so light and so comfy, and if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.

And the bras, soft, supportive, and actually breathable.

Yes, Lord knows the girls need to breathe.

Also, I need my PJs to breathe and be buttery soft and stretchy enough for my dramatic tossing and turning at night.

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Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah, and we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

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Saturday, the 13th of September.

At King's Place.

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