Lucia Keskin (Chi With A C)

Speaker 1 Oh no, it's James A Caster from the Off Menu Podcast, the podcast that you are listening to, and I have some news. I am going on tour round America, North America,

Speaker 1 from the 20th of January, starting in Toronto, and then finishing once again in Canada, in Vancouver, on the 15th of February. And in between, I'm going all over the place.

Speaker 1 I'm going to Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, D.C., Nashville, Austin, Texas, New Orleans, Atlanta, New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles,

Speaker 1 San Francisco.

Speaker 1 You don't even need to edit that, like, to be smooth, Benito.

Speaker 1 They know I'm scrolling through my phone. That's what the cool kids do these days.
JamesAcasser.com for tickets. I'm pretty happy with that.

Speaker 1 Okay,

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Speaker 1 Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast, taking the all-brown of conversation, putting it in the bowl of the internet and pouring over the ice cold milk of humor. James, you look really sad about that one.

Speaker 1 It's the off-menu podcast, by the way. Are you all right, mate? It's a bowl of cereal.
It's a bowl of cereal. I panicked to the colour.
Yeah. But at least it makes sense.

Speaker 1 Sometimes I panic and it doesn't make any sense or it gets too complicated. Yeah.
And you've definitely not done it before. No, they're not done all brand.
Are you in an all-brand phase at the minute?

Speaker 1 Is that what you're eating? I'm not. No, I'm never really in an all-brand phase.
But I do like the idea of iced cold milk being poured onto all-brand. I want to watch that.
I don't want to eat it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All-brand's disgusting yes that is a gamble my name is james a castle together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest and we ask them their favourite ever starter main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is lucia keskin

Speaker 1 lucia is absolutely brilliant uh you might know her from her instagram presence uh chi with a c and she's very very funny on that i would highly recommend uh looking up a video which is not like her normal videos but she went to one of those indoor skydiving experiences and it went wrong and it's it's the probably the thing that's made me laugh the most in the last 10 years um she's also a brilliant uh actor and writer uh and comic and she has an amazing show which is available on uh bbc i player called things you should have done uh which is absolutely brilliant yeah i mean very excited never met lucia before big fan of her

Speaker 1 i'm i can't wait for you to meet her yeah yeah yeah yeah you sure you've never met her before because we've had this before haven't we james where you've said you've never met someone before and you say on the podcast you never met them before and then they say yes We have met before

Speaker 1 and it turns out that you have met and there was an incident when you met and you've just wiped it from your brain I can't be keeping up with all the incidents.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's too many incidents you're an incident magnet. Yeah, and I can't help that but often it's you know no, I think

Speaker 1 you can't help that the original incident, but I think the way you react to every incident creates more of an incident. You are you're quite Larry David.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't mask my feelings very well. Because sometimes I like when I'm watching Curb, I'm like, I can't believe all this stuff's happening to Larry.

Speaker 1 And I'm annoyed with the other people by what they do. Yes.
But then he never reacts to it right. And I think that's you.
Yeah. If someone starts a fire, I tend to ban the flames.
Ban the flames.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Don't really put it out or... Yeah.
Yeah. I would never use the phrase water off a duck's back to describe anything that you've ever done.
No.

Speaker 1 It's more. I don't know what water on a man's back.

Speaker 1 The man complains about having a wet back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's really angry about having a wet back.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But we're looking forward to talking to Lucia.

Speaker 1 Of course, there is a secret ingredient that if she says it, we will kick her out the restaurant.

Speaker 1 And I thought this week, James, it would be, you know, when you get a bit of fake grass in sushi, in a sushi box, they use it to separate out the sushi bits. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sure, I've had that in my mouth before by accident. Fake sushi grass.
Fake sushi grass, yeah. Yeah.
I mean, is it a technical ingredient? I've accidentally eaten it once, so yes.

Speaker 1 And it's uh, it's food adjacent. It's food adjacent.
Literally. Yeah, it's literally food adjacent.
It's in the box. Yeah.
You're never happy to see it.

Speaker 1 No, it's not the same colour as the seaweed that's wrapping the sushi. Yeah.
You know, it's blending in a little bit, isn't it? So it's like they're tricking you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just don't really get... Well, I think you're fish, I don't think you're grass.

Speaker 1 That's a really good point. Yeah.
Maybe fake water. Fish shouldn't be anywhere near grass, should it? Fake water for Ducksbuck.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Looking forward to speaking to Lucia. I hope she doesn't say the secret ingredient because I want to have the whole conversation with her, James.
Yes, that would be nice.

Speaker 1 But let's see what happens as we dive into

Speaker 1 the off-menu menu. Lucia Keskin.
Lucia Kaskin. That was good, James.
Wow. Well done, you, man.

Speaker 1 Welcome, Lucia, to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Welcome, Lucia Kaskin, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

Speaker 1 How long?

Speaker 1 23 years?

Speaker 1 Wow. That's good.
Did I get that right? Yeah. That's the SUS.
That's my age, yeah. Imagine if we've been waiting here since you were born.
Well, it would be so boring, wouldn't it?

Speaker 1 It'd be weird as well if we were like, we want to do a podcast with that baby that's just been born, but we should wait for 23 years. That's how we do it.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Go around the hospitals and maternity awards and we go that one. Yeah.
And when I know we're expecting them. Yeah, that's good.
Yeah. So you're one of the chosen babies.
Welcome. Thank you.

Speaker 1 We were actually waiting for about an hour, but

Speaker 1 you were here bang on time, but we had a bit of time and we let you know that we'd played Jenga. Yeah, Jenga.
Yeah. We're waiting for you.
And you revealed that you weren't familiar with Big Djenga.

Speaker 1 No, well, I mean,

Speaker 1 it didn't take long to, you know, get it around my head.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I'd just not played either. But it sounds fun.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I have fond memories of Big Djenga. It's less tense than normal size Jenga, I would say.
Do you have to wear wear knee pads? Interesting. For the big one.

Speaker 1 I think if you're playing it often, you should do. Well, if you're making a hard time.

Speaker 1 I'd say it comes up maybe chest height

Speaker 1 if you're stood up. Is it soft play or? It's more soft play because when you said knee pads, I was worrying that you were imagining big, hard wooden.
Yeah, like big blanks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, if you think, you know, it needs to be realistic. Yeah.
Yeah, it should be wooden, really. But I guess you're asking for trouble if that falls on you.
I love tiny things. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't you? I'd like to see a miniature Jenga.

Speaker 1 I love tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny things. Can you talk us through some of the tiny things you like?

Speaker 1 Just tiny versions of things like

Speaker 1 things you can do with your fingers.

Speaker 1 So the other day I bought this

Speaker 1 set of... it was like a tiramisu but it was just tiny

Speaker 1 do you get what I mean? No.

Speaker 1 So like it was like a little model of a tiramisu. Yeah you

Speaker 1 you put the

Speaker 1 base, you fill it up with the cream, and then there's a tiny spoon. It's a tiny tiramisu.
It's not edible, but it's just lovely. But you are filling it up with the cream.
Yeah, but it's like,

Speaker 1 what's that stuff? Resin. Right, okay.
Yeah. So you're making a little...
Horrible.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Why were you doing it? What's the... I just love tiny things.
Yeah, so I think she's been very clear about that.

Speaker 1 That's clear.

Speaker 1 what what's the purpose of it when people are so what you could just buy a tiny tiramisu well it was sort of a tiny make your own food and then um but i mean like you i agree once you've made it i didn't really have anything couldn't eat it i threw it away not you threw it away eventually yeah it wasn't a display it wasn't something

Speaker 1 it didn't even look like a tiramisu in the end it was it was white and had raspberries on top of it yeah that's not a tiramisu no that's it was it was it like a did it was it like a workshop of make your own tiny food found it in the kids section in soonsbury

Speaker 1 And just the Terrimus say it wasn't like. Well, I've got another one, but it's one of them, you have to open it.
You don't know what you're going to get to make. A blind box.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I don't know what the other one is. I've not done that one yet.
Yeah. So what do you like about tiny things?

Speaker 1 What is it that makes you feel?

Speaker 1 Well, when they're detailed, they have to be detailed. If it's, you know, not got the...
I just love it. It makes me feel massive.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just love it. So like when you were a kid, were you into like Sylvanian families or like little like doll furniture and all of that stuff?

Speaker 1 Weirdly, not doll houses, but I loved small, I loved to collect figurines. Yeah.
So like

Speaker 1 poppy in my pocket, pony in my pocket. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Kitten in my pocket. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think any power did you have. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not enough. But I used to.

Speaker 1 used to you know trade them around the playground getting a lot of arguments really

Speaker 1 ah so in terms of people being like, I'm not swapping you that for that.

Speaker 1 Well, no, it was more sort of, you know,

Speaker 1 I'll trade you this kangaroo for a panda, and then getting the regret later on and you know, saying, Well, I want to

Speaker 1 tried to swap back, and it's just not going well. That's the big one.
And then getting just it ultimately ending in just the banning of them and score. Yeah.
Oh, really? Because it got so toxic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was so toxic. It's always heading towards that.
It was pogs in my day. Pogs.
Yeah. Yeah.
Do you know what pogs are? No. I

Speaker 1 like a pig.

Speaker 1 Like a pig. I hugely respect that there was a moment there where you thought, I might try and guess what a pog is.
Yeah. It sounds like a baby pig.

Speaker 1 A pig in your pocket. Yeah, a pig in your pocket.
Yeah. Pog.
Yeah, you wish. No, it wasn't a tiny animal in any way.
No.

Speaker 1 They were discs, plastic discs. And you got them.
Actually, were they paper? They might have been cardboard, but

Speaker 1 the one you used was plastic, right? You put them in a pile and and you have to throw a plastic disc on top and try and flip them over. And if you flip them over, you win them.
They didn't have faces?

Speaker 1 They didn't have. Some of them have faces.
They didn't have designs on them. They're lovely.

Speaker 1 Did you ever used to have them tiny skateboards? Yes. Oh, they were great.

Speaker 1 I'm familiar with those though. I mean, that's absolutely.
Little finger skateboards. That's playing into your absolute hobbies, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Tiny stuff. Did you put...
like the tiny kangaroo on the tiny skateboard and stuff like that. I don't think I ever

Speaker 1 merged the two because I think I could only have have one at the time. Like if I had skateboards, I'd have traded away all my pony animal in my pockets.

Speaker 1 Whereas if I had that, I wouldn't have had time for the skateboards as well. So you never had both? Not at the same time.
No.

Speaker 1 It would be like maybe a slight crossover of I'm moving into tiny skateboards.

Speaker 1 But it was never, I'm going to have a day of, you know, finger skating today or

Speaker 1 junk in my pocket tomorrow.

Speaker 1 And you would have the regret. You would swap with someone, have the regret and try and get your stuff back.
Wow, yeah. Can we hear what that would sound like?

Speaker 1 If I say, Ed, Ed's traded with you earlier in the day. Yeah.
And now it's like lunch break. Yeah.
So you've given away your kangaroo and I've given you a tiny cow or something. Yeah.
Yeah. I'd say,

Speaker 1 do you think I could maybe have the kangaroo back? No, we swapped it earlier. I gave you my tiny cow.
Well,

Speaker 1 it's just it was mine first.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but we had an agreement. It was the traditional barter, you know, that we swapped and now the the kangaroo is mine and the cow's yours.
I just feel very sad now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it doesn't feel as toxic as you made it out.

Speaker 1 I think it was, you know, it was, oh, you know, I'm going to have to take this further. So, you know, and then you'd physically attack them.

Speaker 1 Would you then go to the teacher and tell them the person would be like, I think it would be, I'd go home and I'd say, mum, or I'd go home and I wouldn't talk. I'd be crying, you know, for days.

Speaker 1 My mum would say, what is it? You're being bullied. And I'd have to say, you know, it's just this kangaroo.

Speaker 1 It's not my, it's not here. I used to get very attached to objects when they weren't, you know, if they went missing or if they weren't, you know, within my family.
So I had no siblings

Speaker 1 or dad.

Speaker 1 So you'd attack almost the kangaroo would be. It's things like that, yeah.
It would be even like, you know, bouncy balls, if I'd, you know, lose it, I'd get very upset. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I thought everything had feelings. Yeah.
Also, you thought the bouncy ball might have feelings.

Speaker 1 You'd just, you know, you'd just

Speaker 1 too, you'd open your heart to too many things. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I get that.
I mean, my wife now, she'll buy like a biscuit with like a lovely design on it of like a cat's face or something.

Speaker 1 Oh, gosh. And I go, don't do that because you're never going to eat it.
It's going to sit in the cupboard until eventually I think you've forgotten about it and then I'll throw it away.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've got one of them. Yeah.
It was.

Speaker 1 Someone from Geordie Shaw's face on it.

Speaker 1 I don't know who, but I I can't eat it. It feels cruel.
But you don't even know which cast member of Geordie Shaw it is.

Speaker 1 Nathan. No.

Speaker 1 But it just feels cruel, doesn't it?

Speaker 1 Can you buy these in shops? What do you think? I think I got it somewhere. My friend went to an event and I went for the goodie bag

Speaker 1 and I got this cookie, but... You couldn't bring yourself to eat it.
Couldn't bring myself to eat it. No.
And you've still got it. Yeah.
Found it the other day.

Speaker 1 What if, and this will probably happen at some point, someone makes you a biscuit or a cake that's got your face on it. Oh, that's fine.
I can have that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not affecting anyone else, is it? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like give, you know, permission for other people. Oh, so you're waiting for Nathan from Georgia Shaw to grant you his permission? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If he's listening. But I didn't want to say anything.
Yeah. Well,

Speaker 1 it's a good platform for you. Yeah.
Do you want to say a message to him now?

Speaker 1 Could you?

Speaker 1 Well, it's better coming from you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you look on the biscuit and you'd like to eat it yeah just if i mean i i can i the trouble is i'm not i can find other biscuits so that's the issue like i'm not you're not desperate to eat the biscuit desperate like i could just so i'm happy with how it is yeah you quite like i don't mind you know not making a statement yeah you know

Speaker 1 we all start with still the sparkling water

Speaker 1 oh still yeah i have learnt to like sparkling

Speaker 1 you've taught yourself you've actively actively had to teach yourself because everyone sort of in entertainment drinks sparkling water. They only have sparkling water.

Speaker 1 A lot of middle-aged men, in their cupboards or mini fridges, it's just sparkling water, so you have to drink it. Or there's nothing else.
I don't feel like.

Speaker 1 Have you not had that? Well, I think that I work in entertainment, but I've never seen these mini fridges of sparkling water that you're talking about.

Speaker 1 We very rarely get access to a middle-aged man's mini fridge. But I guess like

Speaker 1 times have changed, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 you're a YouTube sensation and have a hit sitcom so maybe that's different now you're you're getting access to different rooms I mean it's probably one middle-aged man that I just repetitively see yeah

Speaker 1 so you've been forced to drink sparkling water out of necessity and just people that I've met in T V do seem to have a you know accustom to sparkling water it's always a ball of move when you're at lunch with someone and they go straight in with sparkling yeah like I won't shut someone someone down and say, if I'm with someone and they say still sparkling, I'll let them say and I'll go with either.

Speaker 1 Not too, you know, precious about it. But I do prefer still if I am, you know, gasping.

Speaker 1 You were saying before we started recording as well that you think this is the first time you've ever agreed to a hot drink. Yeah.
In your life. Well, not to, not, you know, not with a relative.

Speaker 1 I've agreed to plenty of them. Yeah.
But, you know, in the entertainment world. So Benito offered it to you, who's not a relative for the record? Yeah, and I just thought,

Speaker 1 it's not, you know, you're not going to think anything bad of me, are you?

Speaker 1 But you know, no one would. No, it's just, you just don't want to, you know, take the piss.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So normally when people go, you know, like when you're doing something,

Speaker 1 can I get you anything? Honestly, you sit back, I'm fine. Yeah.
Usually, yeah. But in your head, you're thinking, I want a tea-to-belly.
I'm not starving.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 how is this too? too? It's lovely, it's really nice actually. It's like it's lovely to experience doing this with you guys.
Oh, yeah? Yeah. With tea.
Yeah, lovely. Put loves of bread.

Speaker 1 Put loves of bread, though, Cheykeskin. Put loves of bread.
Oh, both. I've never ordered just one.
Have you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Because I like both. But I mean, I feel like bread fills you up more.
Yeah. Poppa dums, I could just keep going.
So I usually get a bit of bread and then the, you know, sheets of poppa dums.

Speaker 1 When you say sheets. Well, they're always in sheets, aren't they?

Speaker 1 You don't get mini poppa dums nowadays unless you're in a supermarket. But I would never say sheets.
No? No.

Speaker 1 I think that's what's throwing me as sheets because they are round. Yeah.
Still sheets, though, aren't they? You get sheets of round of breasts. Are they though?

Speaker 1 Did you get sheets of round? I've got sheets of round, yeah. You've got sheets.
You've got round. So, for instance, on your bed at home, you've got round.
That's a round blanket

Speaker 1 that's a blank blanket yeah it's still a sheet isn't it anything that's

Speaker 1 anything that's large and thin is a sheet well that can't true at all do you not think no no you know i don't think you believe that i do you get sheets of everything you get lots of you know types of sheets talk us through them

Speaker 1 sheets of people

Speaker 1 a large and thin person tall and thin yeah yeah Stephen Merchant, would you say he's a sheet of a man?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And if you've got, you know, Stephen Merchant with another tall person,

Speaker 1 that's a sheet of people, isn't it? Oh, that's so they individually are not sheets.

Speaker 1 It's a collective.

Speaker 1 I suppose they're not. They're not a sheet.
So it's a shit of a person.

Speaker 1 Well, I think you can have it collectively and you can also get just not even just people, just thin, you know, slices. Slices.

Speaker 1 It's a sheet, isn't it? Well, I can see if it was, I mean

Speaker 1 like with smoked salmon. It's a slice of salmon.

Speaker 1 A sheet of salmon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. I can say that.
Yeah, I can cheat of salmon. I can, I'm fine with that.
You wouldn't say sheet of ham, would you?

Speaker 1 You would. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's the circular thing that's throwing us off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't like circular things. As a sheet.

Speaker 1 No, we like circular things. We just like squares.
No, no, no. We like for circular things.
But yeah, for sheets, yeah, I wouldn't have a... On my bed, I wouldn't have a round sheet.

Speaker 1 But then we're back to the whole thing of you saying that a blanket's a sheet. Yeah, which I do disagree with.

Speaker 1 I suppose so. So if someone was making you a ham sandwich,

Speaker 1 would you say two sheets, please? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But how would they know if you're referring to the ham or the bread? Because you're saying bread's sheets as well. I'd say two sheets of ham.
Two sheets of bread.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 bread is too thick.

Speaker 1 But I think the sheets of ham is thick. Yeah, I mean, bread is pushing it a bit.
I think you're right. But it's still thin in comparison to, let's say, a fridge.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bread is thin in comparison to a fridge.

Speaker 1 You'd never say a

Speaker 1 sheet of fridge.

Speaker 1 You would never sheet of fridge. No, you never have a sheet of fridge.
But

Speaker 1 I think sheet of ham is right. I mean, that even might be technically right.
Oh, definitely. Yeah.
Slice is what most sheets of slice. It's like a different word for it, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But a sheet of poppadom. See, I saw a doubt flicker in your eyes there where you heard sheet of poppadom and you went, actually.

Speaker 1 That's not right. No, it sounds, I think it sounds right.
It's just, I was just thinking about how they come.

Speaker 1 I mean, we could, for your dream meal, if you want it to truly be a sheet, we could bring you one the size of like a bed sheet. Like a bed sheet popped on.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
We could do that.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm not massive on poppadoms. No, I don't really like them.

Speaker 1 I just, you know, if I'm having Indian,

Speaker 1 I will get them as well as bread. A couple of sheets.
And you'll have naan.

Speaker 1 Yep. Is this what you want for this meal? Naan?

Speaker 1 Not particularly, but I, you know, I would get both if I had to choose. But for the dream meal, we will bring you a couple of sheets of poppadoms.
Lovely.

Speaker 1 But what bread what bread do you want with your dream meal? What's your dream bread? I love garlic bread, but sometimes it's just a bit too much. Garlic, you know, just like a tiger bread could do.

Speaker 1 Any bread. I don't think you can go wrong with bread.
I really enjoy all sorts. I've never sort of said no to bread.
Interesting. So it's the opposite of the hot drink.

Speaker 1 Well, no one's ever really offered me bread on set.

Speaker 1 No, no, okay, can you get it? Yeah. Can I get you some bread?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think if, well, I don't think I would be able to say. I mean, I probably would say, no,

Speaker 1 you get that, you enjoy it yourself.

Speaker 1 But no, no one's ever offered me bread on set. I love the idea of a runner working on your show.

Speaker 1 Oh, do you want some bread? Some loaves. You go, no, no, no, you enjoy it yourself.
And they're like having to eat bread for the 50th time that day, crying in the corner. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cheesey for me, but you always loaf.

Speaker 1 Horrible.

Speaker 1 Swapping a small kangaroo with it.

Speaker 1 I'm not keen on rye. Is that the one that is

Speaker 1 like a darker sort of bread? Yeah, wholemeal. I'm not keen on whole meal.
But I mean, again,

Speaker 1 if there was nothing else, I would eat it. But this, I mean, this is a podcast format where we're going to have to force you to advocate for yourself and say exactly what you want.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, I think probably of all the breads, garlic bread's probably the one I'd pick. Yeah.
Yeah. Now, let's get into the nitty-gritty garlic bread-wise.
Okay.

Speaker 1 A long baguette like you might get from the supermarket? Absolutely not. Like

Speaker 1 No, it

Speaker 1 has to be,

Speaker 1 well, I mean, again, I would have it, but it's not what I'd choose at all, a long baguette. Because you can get them, I mean, some of them you find them for 20 pence.

Speaker 1 I don't want garlic bread that costs 20 pence. No.

Speaker 1 Don't trust it. No.
It's more so... the fact that I wouldn't trust the one that's then £1.60 that's the same.
Oh, interesting. So it's the other way around.
You think you're actually being ripped off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what are you doing that's different? Yeah.

Speaker 1 what on earth are you doing that's different to both of these baguettes but that stops you getting the 20 pence one no but we all the same i don't like i don't like the baguettes i think we can say pence i mean the sheets thing was worth discussing i think pence i know that pence is is the but like i haven't heard anyone say it in full for years it's doing 20p or 50p

Speaker 1 you're both saying 20 pence 20 pence well i was just going with what she was saying yes but i also i understood that pence is fine yeah yeah yeah it's fine but it's crazy that you're both saying it like pea 20p 20p bag to me 20p garlic bread 20p not that garlic bread is 20 pence

Speaker 1 it's too youthful so what's the dream garlic bread then is it i think ciabata yes always goes down well because it's just it's just a nice sort of texture

Speaker 1 surround how much you spend on that it's usually quite expensive but you know i don't mind because you don't they don't give you hundreds they don't give you loads whereas the baguette is just slice after slice after slice.

Speaker 1 It is. And quite often in the supermarket, they sell two in one packet.
Yeah, and I can't, one's going off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sat there next to the Nathan biscuit. Exactly.
And then it just, everything just smells of garlic.

Speaker 1 Is that why you haven't eaten the Nathan biscuit? Well, I've not put in with the garlic bread.

Speaker 1 But I just

Speaker 1 can't get on board with the baguettes of garlic bread. Is this from a...
Don't mind when they're sort of, you know, like that, cut that way. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You and they cut cut sort of like that you know actually i don't so for the for the listener oh yeah so you put your fingers together in a circle and you held them i guess parallel to the floor and you went i don't like them like this and then you went vertical with it and went i like them like that's the same it's the same shape but you've got like

Speaker 1 i suppose they cut um i don't know how they cut them differently i suppose a baguette they cut from the height they cut it in the height levels a good a good garlic bread baguette i'd say is diagonally.

Speaker 1 Yes, sorry, diagonally. And not all the way down.
That's what I meant diagonally.

Speaker 1 Diagonal, that's what I thought to say. Well, have you ever seen a garlic bread cut diagonally? Not like fully like

Speaker 1 corner till I know. I think the corners are sort of like a slick taper edge.
Yeah, so the individual slices, when you get individual slices like a Pizza Hut, they're sort of cut diagonally out.

Speaker 1 Which thing about Pizza Hut? Pizza garlic bread. I like Pizza Hut garlic bread.
They're from the buffet. Yeah, from the buffet.
That's really good, actually.

Speaker 1 Your dream starter? I don't like starters. Cool.
Because I just would get full up. Yeah.
Well, we don't need to bother with them. No.

Speaker 1 I don't think we do need to bother with them. Do you like starters? Yeah, they're my favourite.

Speaker 1 What do you get?

Speaker 1 Well, it depends what's on offer. Oh, nice.

Speaker 1 Give a better answer than that. Yeah, oh, you know, there's many things you can get for starters.
It's true, it's true. You've seen them.
It's not like you don't know what they are.

Speaker 1 I've had them before in the past. Yeah, but they just never...
Only if I'm starving. Yeah.
And then I just won't eat my mane. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'll eat a bit and then I go I'm filled up because I've had a starter.
Wow.

Speaker 1 How big's this starter? Just little.

Speaker 1 You filled up on that. Well, I mean.

Speaker 1 You like small things. You should love them.
Yeah, no, I love small things. Yeah, actually.

Speaker 1 They're not often small, are they? They're not, you know,

Speaker 1 they're not small versions of food. They're just less portion they're just less things of it.
But this is the dream restaurant. Yeah.
So in in the dream restaurant, I get, you know, a tiny, a tiny

Speaker 1 two no like two two pound size

Speaker 1 of two quid yeah, but put together I'm trying to think of a there's no coin that's that size you get what I mean like if you if you blended two pound coins oh you want two pound coins not a two pound coin you know two pound coins

Speaker 1 so are you talking about two

Speaker 1 one pound coins no no no you know two pound coins

Speaker 1 yeah so the bigger ones two of them two two pound coins Yeah.

Speaker 1 But if they were together, like say what size, if that's like something that size. Yeah.
So I guess a four pound coin.

Speaker 1 If you can picture it, if they existed, they'd probably be around that size. One day.

Speaker 1 So that size is small enough for a big size starter of, say,

Speaker 1 maybe

Speaker 1 pasta.

Speaker 1 Four pounds worth of pasta.

Speaker 1 Hang on. Four pound coin, not weight.

Speaker 1 In like a bowl.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Or a plate. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But as long as it's like

Speaker 1 the size of a fork. Yeah, if it's, you know, if it's in the dream world.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you want it to look like a little bowl of pasta with like a tiny fork in it and stuff? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Tiny. What sort of pasta? What sort of pasta do you know? People need to know that.

Speaker 1 I want to know. Yeah.
It would have to be a different pasta. To what? To what I'd have in my main.
So you have your pasta if you're right. Spoiler all that.
Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 1 You could have had anything, a small version of anything to your starter.

Speaker 1 Only thing you can think of is pasta. So it's going to be a different type of pasta to your main.
Now,

Speaker 1 we can come back to it then.

Speaker 1 You can choose what your starter pasta is and we'll see. Tomato-based starter pasta.
Yeah. And like what kind of pasta? Spaghetti.
Spaghetti. Tomato, tomato-based spaghetti.
Little tiny meatballs?

Speaker 1 No meat. No meat.
Just like

Speaker 1 the tomatoes. And um yes, I love basil.
I was thinking more of the impact of it being tiny because I think little meatballs on top

Speaker 1 really make it come alive when it's tiny, right? Yeah. Yeah.
I don't mind it. I just, I think it's just when it's that small.
Yeah. Why kill an animal?

Speaker 1 Well, I wasn't imagining

Speaker 1 that they killed it and then just took two meatballs worth and then just like threw it in the bin. Maybe I'll be there in a suit.
What if they've killed killed it like an animal in your pocket?

Speaker 1 That's all right. For the meatballs.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Can't trade that back. No.

Speaker 1 It'd be awful if you traded.

Speaker 1 I'd feel awful. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They'd have a right to complain then. Yeah.
If you gave someone a... They say, sorry, I can't swap it back because it's little plate of meatballs now.

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Speaker 1 Do you drink main course?

Speaker 1 Pasta.

Speaker 1 I love pasta. That's sort of my main sort of meal.
How often are you eating pasta? Four times, five times a week. Wow.
I just can't think of anything else.

Speaker 1 Ever. I don't know how anyone does.
In terms of food? Yeah. Yeah.
Meals. Yeah.
It's so debilitating thinking of a new meal every day. Yeah.
So it's just pasta. And you can get it and it's dry.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Doesn't go off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You just have to, you know, put it on the boil. So you're having this four or five times a week? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you thought about trying to maybe introduce one new meal into the rotation and then at least I did different types of pasta? Yeah, that's not what I meant, I don't think.

Speaker 1 You mean just like not pasta? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well the issue is I don't I don't I'm not massive. I don't love meat

Speaker 1 but I do eat chicken but I feel bad so the only thing I can think of that's not meat is pasta.

Speaker 1 Because otherwise it's just what else is there that's not meat? Meat or pasta?

Speaker 1 All the other carbs I guess. I've had, you know, chicken stuff.
It's always pastoral chicken stuff, like in a wrap or in a ciabatta. Yeah.
You like those?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So when it came to choosing your dream menu, did you just do all the foods that you could actually think of?

Speaker 1 I think I just would go with pasta just because I do like it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like it's not even that I can think of it. It's just what I like.
And it's just a coincidence that I can't think of anything else.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, what meals are you doing every day? Now, listen, it's been well documented on this podcast that I went through a pasta four nights a week phase. Oh, really? You know, so I can't.

Speaker 1 When you get stuck in a loop, I can't make fun of you for this. So, what have you had this week for dinner? Yeah, I'm away on tour, so I'm eating a lot of Nando's, to be honest.

Speaker 1 So, I'm stuck in a Nando's loop. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 A poke bowl yesterday? Yeah, I can't do that. I've tried that.
Yeah. Don't understand.

Speaker 1 But don't you understand? I just don't get it. There's too many things happening.
Those, what is it? Like a long flat peas?

Speaker 1 They throw them in, don't they? Long flat peas? Sheet of peas. You know, they're like this.

Speaker 1 They're like, um,

Speaker 1 you know, they're like a pee that's

Speaker 1 plus size. Edemame.
And flat. Ed, yeah.

Speaker 1 Is that it? Yeah. Is that it? Yeah, that's what Ed calls his mum.
Edemame.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't I'm not into them, but they when you have a pokeball, that's all it is.

Speaker 1 Eden Mamme. And it's not, I mean, there is a lot going on in them, but you can, like, build your own.
You can put in what you like. It's just rice, though, isn't it? Rice.
Some of it's rice.

Speaker 1 Then peas. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fish. And then, oh, see, fish.
I hate fish. Right.
Can't bear fish. Tofu.
Tofu. What's that? What? Tofu.
Are you asking? Because you haven't heard of it. I've never had it.
You've never heard of it?

Speaker 1 I've heard of it, but I don't know what it is see what's i definitely didn't think it belonged in a poke a poke bowl

Speaker 1 yeah what was interesting about your reaction to hearing about tofu was you said tofu what's that as if you'd never heard of it it was like yeah you'd never i still don't i've heard of it but i'm still yet to know what it is other than white chunks yeah yeah well it definitely is white chunks what's it exactly soy soy soy what's soy like a bean yeah

Speaker 1 it's just like a bean i like It's another bean, really. It's just a bean.
I don't want it. Want that? Well, it's about...
Do you not like things mixed up? Yeah. Yeah, you know.
It depends what it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Look, give me an example.
Of other things in the poco bowl. Oh.
Things that are mixed up.

Speaker 1 Oh. What, like, say, rice and then beans.
A burrito? I don't like burritos.

Speaker 1 I've tried them, but I just don't trust them as much as fajitas.

Speaker 1 Because why is there baked beans in them? Oh, there's not. No, I wouldn't say that.
Without the sauce. I wouldn't say beans.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you know what?

Speaker 1 I genuinely think

Speaker 1 I'm having a very good time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That this podcast. Just to anyone who's listening to it in the future,

Speaker 1 I honestly think this is a grower, this episode.

Speaker 1 And that if you re-listen to it, you'll enjoy it more every time you listen to this episode.

Speaker 1 So even if you're sitting there

Speaker 1 and you're getting frustrated with the three of us,

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 I think give it another listen. Yeah.
It's like

Speaker 1 any number of albums. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Troutmaster Replica. Yeah.
Jesus. Oh, yeah.
So there's not baked beans, I would say.

Speaker 1 Beans, yeah. I don't like.

Speaker 1 And there's not sort of a room for the wrap. It's all just, it's tiny, little, tiny little layer of wrap and then just all filling.
A lot of filling. So much in it.

Speaker 1 They're very heavy when you get them as well. You You have to fit it in.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. You have to take too big of a bite.
Yeah, and you get, you know, cold sores and everything. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm eating burritos. You know, cracking the sides of your mouth.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 So you, when you get a burrito, are you trying to fit the whole thing in your mouth? How else are you supposed to? Take a bite out the side or the corner or. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you're not going.

Speaker 1 You're not trying to get the whole thing. Okay,

Speaker 1 just because you said that you're cracking the sides of your mouth trying to eat burrito. They're all like tall.
Yeah. Yeah, they're tall.

Speaker 1 they are tall they're wrapped in sheets though that's got well i like the tinfoil i love food wrapped in tin foil do you yeah it just always tastes nice what else like when you go to like five guys

Speaker 1 yeah and you get a burger and it's wrapped in tin foil you just think oh it's going to be nicer because it's in tin foil so you never think of that when you're having your food you ever well i have that because it's just down the road five guys burger it is exciting getting something in tinfoil yeah because it's warm as well not enough you don't get enough stuff from tin foil no i don't want want cling film though.

Speaker 1 Don't like it. It's just not as

Speaker 1 appetising.

Speaker 1 If you get a burger wrapped in cling film. Oh, forget it.
This looks like a sandwich, doesn't it?

Speaker 1 When have you ever had a burger wrapped in cling film? I haven't. No.

Speaker 1 Please.

Speaker 1 But if I

Speaker 1 prefer tinfoil, for example.

Speaker 1 But cling film's great for, you know, things that you've opened.

Speaker 1 You want to keep them, you know, sealed shut. Yeah, it is good for that.

Speaker 1 I wrap people's presents in tin foil sometimes. Do you? Yeah, just because if I'm in a panic and are in a rush.
Do you? Yeah. I don't know that.

Speaker 1 You don't need any sellotape, do you? No, exactly. Or scissors.
I actually don't. I actually had a business idea which we might need to edit out, but because it's really good.
Yeah, I guarantee.

Speaker 1 I haven't heard this yet, but we don't need to edit this out.

Speaker 1 Like wrapping paper on the outside, but it's got, it's like tin foil on the inside.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you can use it for like both the kitchen and you can wrap it, wrap any present in it and just fold it over, tuck tuck it in and then you don't need to do sellotape or and it also it adheres to the present more so you don't oh so it's not for like um

Speaker 1 both kitchen and

Speaker 1 no because it would have paper on the outside so i wouldn't heat it up it's mainly for wrapping uh what's the why would it need to be tin foil because that's what it's so good at you can like fold it over

Speaker 1 and you can just wrap a present in on the adverts I'm going to say like five seconds. Yeah.
For even big presents. I suppose, yeah.
You You can cut all that out. You could even get

Speaker 1 just, you know, the tin foil. Yeah.
But not make it silver. Make it red.
Yeah, that's quite good, but I just think you want the different designs on it. You want to make it look like paper.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because what my, in my experience, when you give someone a present wrapped in tin foil, they're not that happy with it. But have you ever given someone a present wrapped in red tin foil?

Speaker 1 No, they know where to find it. Exactly.

Speaker 1 It'd be cheaper though, wouldn't it, than doing paper and tin foil? Yeah, but it's my business. I don't want it to be cheaper.

Speaker 1 Or if the tin foil itself just had a design on it can you not do that no because then that's still tin foil it needs to look like paper but what if it was like because it was like shiny wrapping paper it's got like red stars on it and like if it's gold with red stars on it

Speaker 1 and that's what the tin foil is no i just know and then you wrap it up in that there's paper on the outside and tin foil on the inside is that even possible scientifically yeah but bubble wrap bubble wrap yeah do you like that yeah i love bubble wrap you don't use it enough for food though do we no we should do though.

Speaker 1 What? Why should we? It's fun. Yeah.
Is this gonna b be part of your business venture as well? You add this to it. Yeah, bubble wrap.
Wrap wrapping food and bubble wrap. Bubble wrap, sandwich wrap.

Speaker 1 What would need it? An egg, I guess?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or when you order, say, a frappé,

Speaker 1 you know, and it comes sort of everywhere. What? You know, when you order, like, a frappé? Yeah.
Or something that's got whipped cream on it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it arrives and it's all over the place. I don't like the tin foil all round it.
Have you ever ordered a drink on like a delivery service? Oh yeah, no

Speaker 1 cling film sometimes. They cling film to the point where there's no entrance.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Bubble wrap would be a better option surely because you can just give it a little tape and then it's easy.
Yeah, one sheet. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Whereas

Speaker 1 definitely for the deliveries they should yeah. Bubble wrap revolution.

Speaker 1 There's no hurt. It won't get hurt.
Yeah. Ben.
Oh yeah. Now listen, Ben is annoyed that we've only got pasta for your main mix sound.

Speaker 1 we'd like some spices.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man.
We went off and weighted him on a tangent if you've actually got more. It would be boiled rigatone.

Speaker 1 Boiled, specifically. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Classic kind of new pasta. Yeah, I love the fat tubes pasta.
So there's the rigatone one or the one that's even like larger. You know, the one that's even wider.
I don't know what you mean.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it's called. Like canalone.

Speaker 1 The big Django of the Rigatone. Sometimes it is

Speaker 1 canarone.

Speaker 1 But I don't know if I want it that big, because that's huge. That's huge.
That's like addition. So you'd only have like four of those or three of those.
What cuz would that be?

Speaker 1 That's an eight-pound coin. Yeah.
At least. Yeah, definitely.
And then

Speaker 1 red onion

Speaker 1 with garlic, tomato paste, double cream,

Speaker 1 vodka. Just cook it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Vodka with

Speaker 1 a potato. Oh, and cheese, obviously.
Yeah. Parmesan.
How much parmesan?

Speaker 1 Oh, it needs to have a lot of chili flakes in it as well. And just all the spices.
All the spices? Like,

Speaker 1 you know, chili flakes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hang on. Because you said chili flakes.
We were like, yeah, tick. And then you said all the spices.
Yeah, I just meant like more of those chili flakes. Of the chili beer.
Each individual chili flake.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's something that you do at home. You do this.
You do the vodka with the katone at home. Yeah.
I've only just started putting the vodka in it. Yeah.
And the chili flakes.

Speaker 1 I used to just do the tomato paste, the cream and the cheese.

Speaker 1 But now it's like tastes of stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That is good when you find that out. Yeah.
Yeah. I used to be a bit scared of spice, but now it's quite, you know, it gives you something to do.
Gives you something to, it's nice to feel something.

Speaker 1 Especially if you've got, you know, blocked up nose or something.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you want, in your dream meal, do you want to have a blocked up nose when you arrive? And then the palm. Not like a full one, like sort of, you you know and it's like

Speaker 1 you know that it's fixable yeah

Speaker 1 but that relief yeah would be great suddenly having a clear nose is this like a meal like my last meal no no oh it's just a dream meal yeah

Speaker 1 yeah might as well have a blocked up nose

Speaker 1 if it's your last meal you don't want a blocked up nose

Speaker 1 i wouldn't really want to go that way no no no well although it would sort of you know take your mind off it would make you think well i might as well go really

Speaker 1 because i've got a blocked up nose

Speaker 1 Just another thing, another reason to, you know, end. Yeah.
So it's not that the blocked-up nose is the reason why you're like,

Speaker 1 no, you just think, well, I am, I'm on my way out. This is my last meal.
So, and I've got a blocked-up nose. So

Speaker 1 if

Speaker 1 you are on death row in a blocked-up nose, it's your day to be executed. Yeah.
And John Coffey from the Green Mile is in the cell next to you. Who? John Coffey.
Have you seen the Green Mile?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What? Not the Green Giant.

Speaker 1 What would John Coffey's name mean?

Speaker 1 You said Green Mile. Green Mile.
I'll say. Sweet corn.
Sweet corn. Because you were thinking of the Green Giant, yeah.

Speaker 1 He sounds lovely. So you thought maybe

Speaker 1 the Jolly Green Giant's name is John Coffey. Is he

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 the Jolly Green Giant has a name?

Speaker 1 And it's John Coffee. And it's John Coffey.
Is it coffee and coffee?

Speaker 1 No, it's actually it's like the drink, but not spelled the same. It's C-O-F-F-E-Y.
Nice. John Coffey.
So he's a character in a book that got made into a film.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's not a friend of yours. No, I have a friend with John Coffee.
No, John Coffee's not my friend. But if you see the film, you do feel like he's your friend.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Good part of his character.
Gentle, gentle giant. And what's the title of

Speaker 1 what did he do? He can heal people with his hands and he offers to take it away. He says, I can take it away, boss, to people.

Speaker 1 And then he touches them and then he absorbs whatever it is and then it is expelled out of his mouth in the form of like flies like that that all like disappear into the air yeah it's very painful for him it takes a lot out of him but he can do that yeah would you let him take away your blocked up nose I mean if I've got flies coming out of my mouth

Speaker 1 they'll come out of John Coffee's mouth come out of John Coffee's mouth

Speaker 1 he'll touch your nose with his hand

Speaker 1 and then you'll get an unblocked nose and then he'll put his head up to the sky and all the flies will come out of his mouth but um I suppose if he's up for it,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't want to say if he if he's had a you know a rough day. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it depends how many he's done, I suppose. That day.
That day. He's already

Speaker 1 cured a man of his bladder infection and

Speaker 1 I suppose it's just a blocked up nose. He would have had worse.

Speaker 1 Yeah, is it based on the severity of the thing that he's taken and how bad how many flies there are? Oh, then I'm sure he's, you know, to blocked up nose to him is just a walk in the park.

Speaker 1 It would be very easy for them. Just maybe one fly coming out.
yeah just to yeah one fly yeah but i'm as far

Speaker 1 i would also say you know i've got i've got some spicy pasta coming

Speaker 1 dream side dish

Speaker 1 maybe some chips

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 maybe some chips i like potatoes yeah

Speaker 1 like and chips or potato salad i made a potato salad the other day. Did you? There you go, that's not pasta.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I mean it's sort of, it felt lovely and it felt nice, but if I have it again, I'll eat that and then it will be pasta and potatoes. Huh? You know? No.

Speaker 1 Well, it will be, yeah, I can have pasta and potato salad. So I thought, well, it's just, you know, yeah, I've got another thing, but it's just potato salad.
Yeah. But then you can add another thing.

Speaker 1 Well, I had chicken with it, but again, I said that as chicken or to pasta. Yeah.
Potato salad sort of is just a side dish isn't it? Like you can't just say I'm gonna have potato salad for dinner.

Speaker 1 Yeah that's true. I would but

Speaker 1 you can't you can't you know. Anthony from Blue told me his favourite food was potato salad.

Speaker 1 It's so I hate it when you can't when you buy it in the shop though it's absolutely the worst thing in the world. They just don't cook the potatoes.
Yeah. Horrible.
But when you make it it's amazing.

Speaker 1 Can you talk us through your potato salad recipe? Well I bought some tiny potatoes, put them in the boil, smashed them, and then put them in the oven.

Speaker 1 And then just I did put too much onion in it, though. Okay.
Two whole onions.

Speaker 1 Like white onions? No, red and white. Red and white.

Speaker 1 One red, one white. One red, one white, one spring, one chive.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 So it was a bit too much of onion. I agreed, that is too many.

Speaker 1 And then mayonnaise.

Speaker 1 But it was nice to have something different than pasta. See, what I like to hear about this is you've boiled them, but then you've roasted them off as well, so they're crispy.
Crispy potato salad.

Speaker 1 That's really good. I saw it on Instagram.
Yeah. So I did it.
Yeah. When you said that, I thought that.
It was honestly so nice. It was just too much onion.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Really too much onion.

Speaker 1 Poor types of onions. Yeah.
Was that in the Instagram recipe as well? I think I saw one recipe where a man used red onion.

Speaker 1 I saw a recipe where a man used white onion and then one where he used spring and chives. Then you combine them all.
Just combine them all. Because

Speaker 1 you can't get everything right first time. But you're going to do it again.
I'll do it again. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I just use less onion.

Speaker 1 But it was really nice, honestly.

Speaker 1 I have to say.

Speaker 1 Maybe actually, I think I would have that as my side dish. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would go for the spring and the chive myself. Though I am trying to learn

Speaker 1 to eat more of the other food groups. Yeah.
Because they all seem to just be carbohydrates.

Speaker 1 yeah so far we've got bread which we ask you about but then pasta yeah and potatoes I keep trying to sort of um venture out but

Speaker 1 not going well you have to keep doing it you've got to just do it once yeah so it's just you feel like you're just never gonna never gonna get out of that you know headspace of carbs you're always just gonna feel like old

Speaker 1 Is that how carbs make you feel? I feel just, you know, I barely move. Yeah.
I just sleep. on your mound blanket yeah and that's it

Speaker 1 but there's um

Speaker 1 there's you know the other groups name them vegetables yeah they're always good

Speaker 1 keep the porters in Benito for this section

Speaker 1 well it's that is it's that isn't it

Speaker 1 it's vegetables or things like potatoes and pasta carbs and vegetables Carbs and vegetables. But I guess it's like...
Oh, well, meat. Yeah.
Meat. Protein.
Protein. Protein, vegetables.

Speaker 1 Vegetables, is that the name of their category? I think it is. Vegetables.

Speaker 1 I don't know the official names of the categories, but I think vegetables is like an umbrella term. Wheat, it's probably in carbs.

Speaker 1 Carbs, yeah.

Speaker 1 Got enough wheats in.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't get any of... I need to eat more vegetables.

Speaker 1 Dairy, yeah. Well, this is the issue.
I love dairy as well. That's why I think I could be vegetarian, but I couldn't be vegan.
Because of the dairy? Because of the dairy.

Speaker 1 Because the dairy is just brilliant. And I think, you know, it's just from, you know, udders.
Yeah. But, I mean, I think they're not dead, are they?

Speaker 1 No. They're just...
If anything... I do encourage, you know...
They have to be alive to get the milk out of the udder. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can't get them out a dead udder. I think, yeah, the dream would be to have my own farm

Speaker 1 and look after my own cows to make sure that they're not being you know treated poorly. I can still get dairy from them and then you know give them

Speaker 1 something to eat after or something.

Speaker 1 Because you like tiny things and you've had like you know cows in your pocket and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Were you like not really like the big cows?

Speaker 1 Wouldn't

Speaker 1 you won't really like them? You'll be like, oh, I don't want to look after these because actually I wish they would. Well no,

Speaker 1 if it meant I could if I could have dairy and it'd be you know a positive experience for the cows,

Speaker 1 yeah. I would feel better about it because it would mean I'm, you know, I'm not going to Asda and buying, you know, evil dairy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, have you ever milked a cow? No, never met a cow. You've met a cow? No.
What?

Speaker 1 You've seen cows. I've seen them and you know, there's like the street when you walk

Speaker 1 when you drive past a cow farm. I've never got like gone up, like, and introduced myself or anything.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, not up close. Yeah.
I've seen a horse. Not me up top, so.

Speaker 1 I was meeting the horse.

Speaker 1 It's all right.

Speaker 1 Very tall. So if you saw a horse and Stephen merchant next to each other, would you? It'd be a sheet of

Speaker 1 things.

Speaker 1 Fruit? is another i like fruit but my issue with i think fresh food vegetables and fruit is just how they just don't age well

Speaker 1 you buy fruit you have to really really want it instantly

Speaker 1 or it's gone that's it's just it's so I find it so stressful you can't plan a week's meal of fruit and veg that will stop because it'll be it'll be off by the get to day three I guess you could plan if you planned it yeah How?

Speaker 1 Please, tell. Well, sometimes I'll be like, right, I'm gonna

Speaker 1 I get in the shop and I go, I've got this many days free that I need to do meals on,

Speaker 1 and I should be eating more vegetables. Yes, I'll get this aubergine for that meal, I can grill that, I can grill these leeks, I can get these avocados for breakfast that day.

Speaker 1 And you're just like, you know, you've how many meals you've got, but don't they go off?

Speaker 1 No, because if I've if I'm only getting it for the week, because I've got a bag of lettuce in my fridge, yeah, yeah, and um, I opened it to put in

Speaker 1 something

Speaker 1 and then I looked looked this morning and it's brown. Yeah.
I opened it yesterday. Well, that doesn't feel right.
No.

Speaker 1 What happens always happens to me. So it feels like, what's the point? If I'm not going to eat a whole bag of lettuce,

Speaker 1 what it's just going to go brown the next day. I have to be buying bags of lettuce every day.
I don't want to buy one of them whole. You know, you can get them as a whole lettuce.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't want to do that. Why? Because they're all brown on the they're all like covered in mud, aren't they?

Speaker 1 You have to take like four sheets of lettuce off before you get to it. Are they covered in mud? Like little bits of bud, little bits of bugs.

Speaker 1 What about washing it? Yeah, but

Speaker 1 the outside layer is sort of unwashable, isn't it? It's got

Speaker 1 it's been abused, it's been touched, it's been, you know. What if you peeled the outside layer off and then washed it? But it's sort of they don't come in the layers overlap, don't they?

Speaker 1 It's like one layer goes into the other layer. So you pull off one layer and you go, oh, perfect.
You pull off the other layer and it sort of takes off the next layer.

Speaker 1 So then you pull off the other layer. And then you've got like an egg.

Speaker 1 It's just not worth it. So I just buy it in a bag.

Speaker 1 And it goes brown the next day. It goes brown the next day, yeah.
So that's why I don't eat a lot of vegetables. But I am trying.

Speaker 1 Just don't know how to, you know, what to do with them or where to put them. You could even, you know, just put them in, you know, with the pasta, right? You can.

Speaker 1 Well, I thought there's onion in pasta, so. Yeah, I don't know how much you're getting from onion, though, in terms of.

Speaker 1 if you're saying I'm going to eat more vegetables because it's like more nutrients. You just want to feel like more alive and stuff.
Yeah, but I don't think onion's going to do anything. No.

Speaker 1 I feel like Ed and I are a couple of like pushover youth workers

Speaker 1 who are trying to get through to

Speaker 1 one of the promising

Speaker 1 but the more stubborn kids in the youth centre.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't really feel like you're getting that much from onion though on its own. So like, have you considered other things?

Speaker 1 I love cabbage, that's nice, but like only in like a roast dinner. I wouldn't just eat a cabbage like in a pasta.
Yeah, cabbage pasta, I would say, probably not.

Speaker 1 You know, when you see like Jamie Oliver on stuff and he's giving tips to parents on how to get more vegetables into their kids' diet by sort of almost tricking them by like blending it up in pasta sauces.

Speaker 1 Have you ever thought of doing that and trying to trick yourself? I have blended, I have tried to make soup before from vegetables, but it just was all just like lumps of vegetables.

Speaker 1 I blended it and it just tasted like I blended vegetables. It wasn't like it was, you know, was it country house?

Speaker 1 What's that soup called? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that.

Speaker 1 I know what you mean. Farmer, yeah.
With the cartons. With the cartons.
It wasn't like that.

Speaker 1 It was just like the recipe said, yeah, roast your vegetables, put them in a blender, you'll get this lovely soup. Just tasted like...

Speaker 1 There feels like there needs to be another liquid element there.

Speaker 1 Like a vegetable stock or something. Oh, yeah.
I just put hot water in it. Because I thought, well,

Speaker 1 you got all the flavour for all the vegetables.

Speaker 1 But apparently, not. Did they say put hot water in with the vegetables and blend?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they put poured something hot in.

Speaker 1 I think that might have been vegetable stock. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you doing most of your cooking from Instagram?

Speaker 1 And I've got a cookbook. Okay.
What cookbook have you got? Just some girl called Beth.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And she cooks, but it's always always um it's always chicken.
I must explain that. Yeah.
It's always chicken, yeah.

Speaker 1 So I only look in it when I when I'm not having pasta

Speaker 1 your dream drink.

Speaker 1 I love milkshakes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 that was sort of more more in my um in my youth that I used to order a milkshake alongside, you know, a main course in a restaurant or like a pasta because it's just you're asking to not eat, you're asking to be filled up.

Speaker 1 It's like having a comp plan.

Speaker 1 What? A complan.

Speaker 1 Have you not had that? No. Really? No.
What's that? It's like when you don't eat, your mum gives you a complan. What?

Speaker 1 Have you heard this word before? You know, when you've not eaten, because like you're ill or you know, you need to get nutrients or you've not got an appetite. Just have a complan.

Speaker 1 Just get it in the

Speaker 1 health eye. It's got all your nutrients in it.
Have you heard of it? No, it's been shaking itself. Is it like a powder? It's a powder, you just fill it up with milk and drink it, it fills you up.

Speaker 1 I don't think I ever not had that. I don't think I ever my mum was ever in a situation where I hadn't eaten.
Yeah, I used to.

Speaker 1 Well, I suppose, like, if I felt ill or if I was, you know, ill,

Speaker 1 I could

Speaker 1 yeah, and I was like, oh, I really just don't want to eat. And she'd go, Well, you need to, you know, you need to have something in you.
So have a company

Speaker 1 to you, when you have a milkshake with a mane, it's like you're having a complaint. You might as well just have a comp plan.

Speaker 1 Because it's a meal in itself and a milkshake.

Speaker 1 But I do like a milkshake.

Speaker 1 If it was just dream drink in general without a meal, I would pick, you know, milkshake. But it's just so filling and so sweet.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That

Speaker 1 the older I get, the more I'm inclined to just have a glass of water.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can we stick on the milkshake just for a bit? Yes. I want to know what you've...

Speaker 1 Because obviously you're not going to have it with the meal because it's with the meal yeah but if you were just having the milkshake what flavor would you go for i i i try and get a different one each time because i just always think what if i'll find the next best milkshake but i'd go from anything from you know just vanilla to one with like loads of bits in

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 crunchy or

Speaker 1 bubblegum

Speaker 1 you know bits of bubblegum innovation bubblegum bits of like sweets and i always dream about milkshakes Yeah.

Speaker 1 But just, you know, I'll take anything. I like to try to get a little bit of a drink or something.
What dreams are you having? Just I dream about milkshakes sometimes. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Like I'll always be sort of in a parlour. I'll always be looking for a milkshake and I'll get this, you know, extravagant milkshake.
I'll sit and I'll wake up. That's the dream.
Before you turn it up.

Speaker 1 That's the dream. Yeah, it's just a pattern.
It's that and

Speaker 1 other stuff.

Speaker 1 You seem like you're about to share one of your dreams and then you you decided against it. I just didn't know if it was, you know, in gone for context.
Yeah, you need to give context to it?

Speaker 1 No, you've given that context. Well, it's, um,

Speaker 1 stood next to Big Ben. Yep.

Speaker 1 And it's, um, there's a helicopter in the sky,

Speaker 1 and I can see that it's not, something's not off. Yeah.
And it crashes into Big Ben. People fall out of Big Ben and the helicopter.
Fall out of Big Ben.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I turn to my left, and Tams and Athwaite stood there.

Speaker 1 And she says, oh,

Speaker 1 this is awful, isn't it? And I go, yeah. Because, oh, I can't believe it.

Speaker 1 And that happens a lot. There's that and the milkshake dream.
Or theme parks. Just nothing in general, just theme parks.
Well, you're not alone there. Bonito dreams about theme parks.
Do you?

Speaker 1 I tried to. I've been willing, meaning to Google it for ages, what it means if you constantly dream about theme parks.
I think it's every night at some point.

Speaker 1 Have you googled what the Big Ben one means? I I mean

Speaker 1 you don't know where to stop because once you start, you know, Google gives you all the suggestions until you get to Tams and Halthwaite

Speaker 1 and then Big Ben and Helicopter.

Speaker 1 But it was the first time I had that dream, it felt so real.

Speaker 1 So real. The second time you were taken to Tamson, you were like,

Speaker 1 you're like, don't worry, Tampa. We both know what's going to happen.

Speaker 1 We've been here before.

Speaker 1 But don't know what, God knows what that means. How do you feel about, or have you ever had a freak shake?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's sort of what I think I dream about. Those ones and like I was saying the bubble gum with the bits and they just it just feels a bit like they just throw too much on.

Speaker 1 Like there's a there's a cake on it and a candy floss. It's not a drink anymore.
No. But I would if I was if I wanted a milkshake, I'd eaten dinner.
It's been a few hours.

Speaker 1 I'd go for it. Just don't know if I'd, you know, have the cake and the lollipop and everything after.

Speaker 1 It seemed designed for instagram isn't it amazing it is yeah you know take a photo of it i just want a plain plastic cup i don't like milkshakes in paper i get you there yeah i really don't you want a plastic cup though i don't i like to see through but what about a glass then yeah but you know when you buy one out and they give it to you in like five guys now they give you a milkshake and you can't see what the milkshake is and that's why i don't get milkshakes from five guys anymore because you can't see it no you don't trust it well i just don't don't enjoy it as much.

Speaker 1 Whereas when you get a milkshake in a plastic cup, you enjoy it because you know what it is and you can see it as you drink. I mean, you're drinking that tea now and you can't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but tea's never come in a clear, you know, cup, has it? Unless you've got a clear glass. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I don't like the whole, you know, we're going from plastic to paper. I just can't.

Speaker 1 It's about time someone took a stand against that. I mean, I get it.
Like. This is the younger generation as well.
Yeah. It's going to affect a bit of a lot of people.
Environment.

Speaker 1 Come on. I just.
just yeah i miss it so if someone i miss having i miss having lids on mcflurry's yeah yeah cut this out benito

Speaker 1 clear paper

Speaker 1 clear paper another job idea another business venture see-through paper yeah if you could figure that out yeah it's a good business idea that you can get that's just uh like um yeah fair enough that's pretty good isn't that um

Speaker 1 transfer paper Not bad actually. So you go back to five guys if they start putting note straights in transfer paper.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I just I just miss it.
That's all. Like,

Speaker 1 I'm not going to bash them. I just miss the...

Speaker 1 Why do I want to get it sorted out?

Speaker 1 What about if they change their cups to being paper, so better for the environment? Yeah. But they have a small plastic window in it so you can at least see.

Speaker 1 It'll be a start. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I just would then think, why don't you just make the whole thing plastic? Environment. But what's it doing to the environment? What plastic? Yeah.
Loads. Can't they just...
Yeah, I mean...

Speaker 1 But then just make plastic that doesn't do anything bad to the environment?

Speaker 1 I've seen it happen, yeah, yeah. What do you mean? Well, I've got given a straw the other day, it was plastic.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think that's one of the things they battle against the most. No, but it must have been good for the environment.
Why, because you've got gift in it, yeah,

Speaker 1 they don't do them anymore, do they? Yeah, they do, some places do, yeah, yeah, places that don't give a shit. Well, it was sort of um

Speaker 1 it looked eco-friendly,

Speaker 1 it felt it, it felt sort of grainy. I think that's paper, then No, but it was plastic.

Speaker 1 So it's doable. Well, I don't.
Do you not get what I mean about plastic? Missing it. Missing it.

Speaker 1 No. I suppose you can't really say that, you know, anyway.
You can. But

Speaker 1 I don't miss it.

Speaker 1 I actually prefer. Do you really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, those cardboard. Do you like paper straws?

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't love them, but I'll use them. Just can't.
Paper straws. I like a metal straw.

Speaker 1 I just prefer...

Speaker 1 I don't mind glass straws'cause you can see through them.

Speaker 1 But metal or plastic straws, the reusable ones, you just can never see if it's clean. There could be all sorts in there.
Oh, in the s in the straw? If you're reusing a straw, yeah. Or if you wash it.

Speaker 1 Is it'cause that's not like washing the lettuce? Not at all. You have to get like a little brush a straw brush.
Like a chimney sweep. Yeah, it is.
Like if you had a tiny you like tiny things.

Speaker 1 I love tiny things. You were given a tiny little chimney sweep brush to wash your reusable straw with.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You went over now yeah i've got glass straws because i i don't you know i don't buy plastic straws yeah because apparently they're bad but i do miss them i don't mind it if you're eating in if you're sitting in and they give you a milkshake in a glass yes oh look i'm glad we're under glasses now milkshake in a cold glass and then ed's diner they used to do in they'd have a glass of milkshake and then they do the ex the extra milkshake more milkshake in a tin cup that they blended the milkshake oh yeah i remember that my gosh That was amazing.

Speaker 1 I've told you this before, surely. You're going to love this.
I used to go to Ed's Diner every week with my dad, go swimming, and then go to Ed's Diner. Already love it.
Wow. And then

Speaker 1 I was drinking a milkshake and I went, Dad, and I just distinctly remember saying that. I went, if you look out the window, that's England.
But in here, we're in America.

Speaker 1 So true.

Speaker 1 Still have his brain works now. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, 100%. I'd say that out loud now.
I absolutely still thinks that.

Speaker 1 That's really sweet.

Speaker 1 What did your dad say to that?

Speaker 1 Probably on his phone. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was my dad when I was a kid. He'd say, no, we're not.
This is still English. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He probably went, yes, very good. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Never met my dad.

Speaker 1 Benito now wants to know exactly what milkshake it is. Okay, I'll clarify, yeah.
So Benito is like very stressed. So if it was if it was a dream drink,

Speaker 1 just on its own, I'd pick a milkshake. But if it's with the meal, it would have to be maybe either still water or an appletizer.

Speaker 1 So this is with the meal. So I think...

Speaker 1 Well, you could have it after.

Speaker 1 Because I suppose you get water for the table, don't you? Yeah. And then an appletizer.
But so you're not having a milkshake now? Not with the meal, no. I could have that for dessert.

Speaker 1 We don't want to change your dessert. So I...
Do you have a dessert? I mean, you can have the milkshake with the dessert.

Speaker 1 I like lots of desserts. So I don't think you should make it a milkshake because then you're gonna have it.

Speaker 1 I think you could have the milkshake with the dessert or you could have it after the meal if you wanted if you're still hungry. Yeah, I could do.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do that then.

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Speaker 1 Desserts. Yes.

Speaker 1 I like ice cream. Yep.
Probably already in the milkshake. Yeah, that's, I think, it's close, isn't it? Because it blended together.
Maybe creme brulee.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's nice.
Yeah. But it depends if I've had like a really like milky day.

Speaker 1 Do you get what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah. If I've had a lot of milk, I don't really want to end it on creme brulee.

Speaker 1 Especially if you've got a milkshake knocking around as well. Yeah, I wouldn't want a milkshake and a creme brulee

Speaker 1 maybe I'd have like a pie

Speaker 1 like a cherry pie that's good hey I find it really hard to choose a milkshake a dessert because there's so many like I'll find myself you know having all sorts yeah on the spot well I guess we didn't mean to put you on the spot what was it Benito should have sent you these ahead of time so apologies that I didn't think he I think he did oh yeah yeah yeah he did yeah I just I just

Speaker 1 I just don't know how anyone's supposed to choose a dessert dessert. What was the last great dessert you had?

Speaker 1 I think it was just a cup of ice cream. Like a

Speaker 1 Mr Whippy. A cup of Mr Whippy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We've uh been to an ice cream parlour in um like London.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And they've got all the like the ice cream without any air bubbles in.
Like the nitro ice cream. No, it's like um soft set of stuff, but it's like Italian ice cream.
Gelato. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's nice. Yeah.
That's not like Mr. Whippy, though.
No. But you can get Mr.
Whippy. You can.
Yeah. But not from an Italian ice cream parlour.

Speaker 1 But I'd probably get an Italian ice cream. Yeah, a gelato.
Yeah. But I did have Mr.
Whippy the other day. Yeah.
You did? But in a cup, not in a cone. In a cup.
Because I don't like the cone.

Speaker 1 From the van. From the van.
It was. No, it was, you know, Leicester Square.
Yeah. Yeah.
Just a guy there. What? Next to the casino.

Speaker 1 No, he was just sort of built in the wall.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You know, next to the IMAX. Like a hatch.
He's in a hatch, wasn't it? Just a guy there. He wasn't built into the wall.
No. The shop was.
Yeah. And he said, waffles, ice cream, cakes, bubble tea.

Speaker 1 And I said, Do you just do plain ice cream in a cup? He went, yeah. So he just poured out some Mr.
Whippy into a cup. It was horrible.

Speaker 1 It all melted. So that was your answer to what was the last great dessert you did? Oh great.
It was just the last dessert I had.

Speaker 1 It was just all melted. Have you ever used an ice cream machine before? No, I've always wanted to get one, but I don't like the fact that you can't use it instantly.
You have to let it cool down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't like that. You have to, you know, wait overnight.
What's the point? Yeah. They're hard to use as well, though.
I use the Mr. Whippy machine for something.

Speaker 1 And you have to do it quite slowly.

Speaker 1 I love that though when you go somewhere like you know when you go to pizza hut yeah the ice cream factory that's brilliant I think that's actually my dream dessert actually

Speaker 1 yeah it's the best um can you talk us through the toppings that you put on no sauce just um the sparkling strawberry pink balls yeah just them

Speaker 1 It's lovely. Doesn't feel like you're making full use of the factory.
Well, I don't like to. When you overdo it, it just tastes like saucy cream.

Speaker 1 it's horrible i just want the ice cream to really really enjoy the flavor of the dairy yeah it's lovely just add some pink glit um pink glittery balls to it with like it just like adds a strawberry crunch yeah to be honest i i admire this because whenever i use any of these things i just go no no restrain people do i used to do i used to do that when i was you know younger

Speaker 1 and it it looks great yeah but as soon as you start going it's just i'm eating chocolate soup with, you know, gummy bears and smarties, and it tastes like shit. Yeah, it's mad.

Speaker 1 And I do then look at the, you know, people like me, people like you, you had the restraint and the foresight

Speaker 1 to go, what would actually taste nice? I'm going to do this. Yeah.
And I do think, wow, like,

Speaker 1 I wonder if I'll ever be like that. It's lovely.
And you can just go back and get more.

Speaker 1 I think if you're not like that now, James, you're never going to be like that. No, I'm never going to be like it.
Well, I used to be like it. Yeah, but you're 23.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 if you've managed to change, I mean, you've yeah, it's true, actually. I changed a lot between you know, up until the age of 23, but now too late now.
Did you change between 23 and now 39? 39?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've changed, but not as cream-wise. Yeah, and I don't think that's going to change for you.
No, and that's in my DNA. Look at my dad.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 don't bring up dads again. Sorry, that's fine.
I'm sure he's happy.

Speaker 1 You know, I've got a dog.

Speaker 1 You love.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm sure he's happy I've got a dog. Are you saying he's happy that you've got a dog? No, I said I'm sure he's happy and I've got a dog.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So. I met your dog.
You did. Very nice.
He's lovely. Yeah, she's a nice dog.
Lovely little dog. I love dogs.
I'd love to be surrounded by dogs as well.

Speaker 1 That's nice. Your own dog, definitely.
Yeah, and some more. Will your dog have a special sort of position within the group of dogs, or will they just be in the mix?

Speaker 1 She'll have her own little chair, yeah, with a little um plate of cheese. Yeah, she loves cheese, does she? Yeah,

Speaker 1 um, and then the other dogs can just have sort of some snacks, yeah,

Speaker 1 as well, just because I don't want to be pestered.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to give be able to give them some, but not enough. Um, I can't give them my food because it's got onion in it, so can dogs not have onion? No, I learned that the hard way.

Speaker 1 Will you talk us through what happened?

Speaker 1 I just found out that if they have onion, they'll die.

Speaker 1 Was that the hard way? Yeah. No.

Speaker 1 The hard way.

Speaker 1 The hard way is we've got diamonds. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 I thought it was... That was...

Speaker 1 You've got to be careful how you use that phrase. Don't go around and say to people, I learned that the hard way when there's much harder ways

Speaker 1 than what you're doing. My dog's still got a brain disease.
It just wasn't from onions.

Speaker 1 I guess I couldn't.

Speaker 1 Technically I did learn it the hard way. No, because you didn't learn anything about the onions from your dog having a brain disease.

Speaker 1 No, but I did learn the hard way. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 About, you know, having a dog. When you get a dog, you know, learnt that the hard way.

Speaker 1 She's now

Speaker 1 got meningitis.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you didn't learn that dogs can't have onions the hard way. You just learnt that.
You learnt another thing the hard way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That doesn't mean you should use that phrase for every situation you're in. But they can't have onions.

Speaker 1 You did learn that. Yeah.
You learned that, but not the hard way. Yeah, you learnt that.
A couple of things. I'd say you learned that the easy way.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you learnt the fact before you could make it. If she eat an onion,

Speaker 1 then I've just, you know, killed her. Yeah, but you already knew that.
So you've not learned that the hard way. You just messed up.
I wouldn't know that she's eating the onion. Sorry? Would I?

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 You don't always know if a dog's eating. This is the issue.
Your dog can just, you won't know. You don't always know if your dog's going to eat an onion.
So you do sometimes learn the hard way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would learn the hard way.

Speaker 1 But again, for that, you would have to not know that dogs can't eat an onion. And then your dog, without your knowledge, eats an onion and dies.

Speaker 1 And then you take it to the vet and they go.

Speaker 1 I'm a little bit confused.

Speaker 1 At least there's no onions in your kitchen ever. No, but I really want to make sure that she understands this because you are saying you're confused.

Speaker 1 But like, I'm saying,

Speaker 1 you read a fact about onions. Said, if dogs eat onions, they die.
So you read that. And because of that, your dog hasn't eaten onions and nothing's happening.
So I've learned that the hard way.

Speaker 1 Well, no.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 your dog didn't eat it. So the hard way

Speaker 1 is that you feed your dog an onion and it dies. Yeah, and then you find out how you learned it.
That's the hard way. That's the hard way.
It's just an expression, though, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it means something. So

Speaker 1 like if we all learn the hard way. You found out the hard way that dogs can get meningitis.

Speaker 1 When your dog got meningitis. Yeah, yeah.
You learned the hard way. With the onion thing, you just read that.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I think my dog, I don't know if I learnt the hard way, my dog did just get meningitis.

Speaker 1 Did you know before that that dogs could get meningitis?

Speaker 1 I suppose. Oh, well,

Speaker 1 you learn the hard way then. And you already knew and then you'd dug later on.
That would have been a perfect example. Yeah.
That wouldn't have been a good example, but. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because we learnt that the hard way.

Speaker 1 I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Yeah.
You want still water? Yes. You want

Speaker 1 chibata. Chibata.

Speaker 1 I don't even know how to pronounce it. Give it a go.
Chibata. Yeah, that sounds great.
Garlic bread and sheets of poppadoms. Yep.

Speaker 1 Starter, you want a £4 coin worth of spaghetti with tomato-based sauce. Main course, vodka rigatone.

Speaker 1 Side, maybe some chips. That wasn't it.
Potato salad, wasn't it? Yeah, we were in the potato salad. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. We got to a potato salad at the end.
Your potato salad that you cooked.

Speaker 1 You made with the spiced potatoes. But not as many onions.
Not as many onions. Not as many onions.

Speaker 1 Because of the dog. Yeah.
Drink. Appletizer.
I forgot that that's where we arrived. Yeah.
Didn't even get into talking about apple tizer. Dessert, Pizza Hut Ice Cream Factory.

Speaker 1 with a milkshake. No, not with a milkshake, just with some strawberry crunch sprinkles at Sparkly.
And are you having milkshake after the meal?

Speaker 1 Oh, no. If I did, it would be.
So that

Speaker 1 milkshake does not in any way feature it in this milk. It's not going to be in the milk.
No, but it would if it was just drinks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you want to be surrounded by dogs for the whole thing. Yes.
How do you feel about that?

Speaker 1 Who? Me?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Really? I mean, I'm pleased. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Happy with that. Yeah.
It sounds lovely. I'm excited about the very small bowl of pasta and like to see that be brought to the table.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Would you be excited if someone brought you a tiny little bowl of edible pasta? I'd be so excited. Yeah.
Especially if it all, you know, it was made from all the same ingredients as the large version.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'd be thrilled.
It's what I've, you know, the dream, really.

Speaker 1 Thanks so much for coming to the dream restaurant, G. Thanks for having me.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Well, there we are, James.

Speaker 1 What a menu. What an episode.
Yeah. Delicious.
Absolutely loved that episode. Yeah.
Had a lot of fun. I feel like I've meditated.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? I feel very at peace. Yeah, but like, I feel like I've meditated and dropped something

Speaker 1 at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel relaxed, but also a bit weird. On edge, yeah.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 she's fantastic. Yes.
Do watch things you should have done on iPlayer. It is a brilliant show.
And I think actually this episode has given you a taste of the sort of

Speaker 1 the general sort of vibe of the show. Yeah.
And like, I mean, and then there's so much content that Lucia has put out online as well. Oh, yeah.
You can watch all of that too.

Speaker 1 So you can just like, there's a whole world to dive into. Absolutely.
And of course, you didn't say fake sushi grass, James. Thank you.
Thank you very much for that, G.

Speaker 1 Right. We'll go then, will we? I think we'll go.
We'll wander off into the afternoon. Yes.
Into the evening. Into the morning.
Go our separate ways.

Speaker 1 Live our own lives. You know, three happy men

Speaker 1 with lucky lives. Three Happy Men With Lucky Lives.
It's the new name of the podcast. Off menu is no more.
It's now called Three Happy Men With Lucky Lives. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're going to do that.

Speaker 1 Bye. Bye.

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Speaker 1 And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact.

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