Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)

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How many of you have ever tried to manifest something?

Not just think about it, not just dream it, not just wish it, but actually manifest something.

Now here's the truth.

Manifestation isn't just about what you want.

It's about what you believe you deserve.

Studies show that 80% of our thoughts are negative and those thoughts are silently shaping our reality.

So if you have low self-worth, could it be blocking what you're trying to attract?

Whether it's healing, chasing a dream, or rebuilding from rock bottom, manifestation begins the moment we realize we've been creating our own reality all along, just not always consciously.

In this special compilation episode, we're exploring how your inner dialogue may be the missing link between what you desire and what you manifest.

No fluff, no woo-woo, just direct insights on how to manifest the life you want.

The number one health and wellness podcast.

Jay Shetty.

Jay Shetty.

The one, the only Jay Shetty.

First, we're going to hear from a dear friend of mine, Roxy Nafusi, mindset and manifestation coach, where where she talks about how manifestation is tied to self-worth.

What happens when you're manifesting from a place of lack?

Roxy shares her personal journey of attracting rejection and loneliness.

If you're someone struggling with your self-worth and wondering why you're only attracting negative or toxic situations or people, listen to Roxy's discovery on the connection between self-worth and manifestation.

What does it mean to actually move forward even when it feels like you're taking a step back?

Now, you may be journaling, you may be vision boarding, you may have everything mapped out, but if you still feel unworthy of your goals and dreams, it's really hard to take a step forward.

How did you learn to manifest for yourself from a place of a lack of confidence and a lack of self-worth?

Well, firstly, now in reflection, I was manifesting, but the wrong direction.

So I was actually attracting, I think, a lot of negativity to me.

And I was constantly thinking, you know, I wasn't making.

any money like I had no career I was trying but at the last moment they'd pull out or they wouldn't want to work with me and I was for sure manifesting that because I was kept saying to myself I know it's not going to work I know this person's going to cancel I spent so much time on my own I was so lonely like I truly know the meaning of loneliness at its like deepest level.

Um, but when I decided, you know, and I discovered manifesting, and like you say, I realized that it was so closely linked to self-worth.

Um, how I started was to start my healing journey.

And I, the first kind of technique I used was to fall asleep to affirmation playlists because I realized that your subconscious was susceptible as you're falling asleep.

Um, but there was, but then that was an ongoing journey.

And by the way, I'm still on it.

Yeah, of course.

Like, I'm still on that self-worth journey.

You know, we spoke before, you know, there are still things that are definitely kind of my blocks.

But I don't know if you had this.

And I said before, I wish I was in the middle of the day.

You're not allowed.

You're not allowed, Roxy.

You're not allowed to interview me today.

We will save that for another time.

Today's about you and your book.

When I first heard about kind of self-development and I would listen to speakers and people would say, oh, it's a lifelong journey of healing.

I was like, what do you mean it's a lifelong journey?

That sounds hideous.

What's the point?

I was in this like

self-development honeymoon.

So at the beginning, you know, when you find healing and I've been in this real dark place and then I start to see changes, I start to see the light.

I thought, well, this is it.

I'm healed.

I'm never going to feel bad again.

Like, this is great.

And it's exactly like being in a relationship when you start and you're like, I'm never going to argue with this person.

We're going to be together forever.

And then, you know, time goes on and you realize that's not the case.

And now, what I realize is that, yes, it is a lifelong journey, but with every single kind of layer you peel off, you open up this huge potential for growth and abundance and opportunity, and you're constantly up-leveling.

So, even when you take a step back, you're still never going back as far as you went.

And that for me is really reassuring.

And I hope for anyone listening who's also thinking, What do you mean this is an ongoing journey?

It's ongoing, but in the best possible way.

Yeah, I think it's interesting when you say that, because I think I believe that everything's a lifelong journey.

There's literally nothing that you could actually say has a beginning and an end, because even when you look at something that you don't think grows anymore, it is growing.

It's just growing slowly or it's growing differently or it's growing uniquely, but everything's either growing or dying at any given time.

And I think people forget that.

And I like the point you made that you can manifest negatively and you can actually manifest the other way.

Can you give us an example of how we do that?

Like, how do we almost manifest things not working out?

So I think like really simple examples are if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you wake up in a really bad mood and then you miss your train and you know your meeting gets cancelled and you stub your toe or whatever it is.

We've all had those experiences in those days where we're kind of just operating at this low vibe, we're in a bad mood, and then that's what's happening.

But there's also, I think, a deeper level where we, you know, so much is self-fulfilling prophecies.

So if we are constantly operating from this belief system that we aren't worthy, that we aren't enough, that we can't, you know, receive abundance, then we're going to

change the way that we interpret and the meaning we attach to everything we experience.

So we might have a conversation with someone, which is a

in perspective, someone else's perspective is just a really normal conversation.

But to that person who's got that low self-worth and believes everybody's against them, they might take that conversation totally the wrong way and then sabotage the relationship and then go, see, I told you, I told you nobody's here for me, or I told you I couldn't, you know, whatever it is.

And so, I think in that sense, we are absolutely manifesting negativity into our lives because of how we're perceiving the world through that lens of low self-worth or low self-esteem.

Yeah, no, that's such a great answer.

And I'm so glad you raised that point because I think people think, they're like, okay, well, should I start manifesting?

Should I not?

Does it work?

Does it not?

And the point is, you're already doing it

in one way or another.

And I think a lot of people struggle with the idea of manifesting.

for people who are kind of more skeptical or cynical and things like that.

And, you know, you, you said you came from a non-kind of spiritual background too, to some degree, it sounds

not open to these ideas.

And that's the same with me.

If someone told me about manifesting years ago, I would have just been like, that's weird.

Like, that doesn't work.

It's just hard work.

It's just you've got to put in the time.

And now I realize.

I was subconsciously manifesting so many incredible things in my life, not knowing the term, not knowing the process.

And then I was like, well, actually, if you know the process, you can use it better.

Yes.

Right?

Like, I think that's something that we don't understand.

It's almost like if everyone is listening or watching, if you think about something you do, actually ask your friends this.

Ask your friends, what do I do well?

And whatever answer they give you, there might be some things in that that surprise you.

Like your friends might say, oh, you're actually a really good communicator.

And you're like thinking, well, I never even knew that.

Or your friends like, oh, you're really great at mediating between us when we're arguing and you didn't know that.

Often when you don't know you have a skill, you actually don't know how to use it well.

And that's what I find with manifesting, whether you're using manifestation to create negativity in your life or positivity, knowing how it works makes sense.

So, how did you start to piece together your

principles of manifestation?

How did you start to gather and say, this is an important part of the process?

I think, by the way, I'll start by saying that I think this conversation is so important.

These conversations and this one, especially, you know, I'm so fortunate to have this platform to talk about this.

And the reason it's so important to me is that because manifesting has become such a trend, I think it devalues it so much.

And I'm so passionate about manifesting that I get almost a bit upset.

I'm like, no, it's so incredible.

It's such a full and fulfilling and meaningful practice.

And within it, there is science and philosophy and wisdom.

And I think it can get a bad rep, you know, from these like 30-second TikTok videos, which maybe just

are giving so many misconceptions around it.

But this really is, like, it isn't woo, it isn't mystical.

And actually, my book in particular is for the skeptics.

So, like, anyone who's a skeptic, I challenge them to pick up the book and not feel better about their lives afterwards.

But how I came up with the seven steps is honestly a terrible story.

I love it.

That's great.

That's awesome.

I, um, so when I had Wolf, I kind of really was like, I'm gonna, who's my son?

I thought, I'm gonna make this career for myself in being of service to others, others.

I realized that that was my purpose.

it's what i'm here to do um and so the first i did a workshop i used to watch like brene brown and i just love her and i and i saw her um called courage on netflix i was like i want to do that i want to be on stage i want to inspire people So I thought I'm just going to host my first workshop.

And it was a self-love workshop.

And 100 people came.

I couldn't believe it.

Wow, that's amazing.

Where did they come from?

I had a really small community on Instagram.

It was like, I think like 20,000 followers.

So it was good, but it was small.

And I was really connected to them because I'm very open and vulnerable.

And they've kind of been on the journey with me.

And so I said, look, I'm going to do this.

And anyway, you know, I can't imagine, you know, what your first one was like, but I remember just my legs like jelly before I stepped on stage.

But the moment I got on that stage, I was like, this is what I'm here to do.

So I did that workshop.

It went well.

And so I was like, okay, I'm going to do another one.

And so I said to my audience, I said, guys, I've been following manifestation.

I've been learning about it.

Do you think I should do this?

And this was Jan 2020.

And they were like, yeah.

So I was like, no, I have to do a workshop on manifestation.

How am I going to explain this practice?

There is so much to it.

So I just thought, right, I'm going to put it in a step-by-step process.

So I went on a walk and I got out the notes on my phone.

And within five minutes, I had my seven steps to manifesting.

And I think it came so instinctively to me, but I made this claim that I said, everything you need to know about manifestation is in these seven steps.

And then I panicked because I was like, this is a big claim.

And what if people realize that things are not in these seven steps?

And when I would listen to people talk, I was like on the edge of my seat thinking, I hope there's not something that's not in my seven steps.

But I actually found that everything slotted in to one of these steps.

And 100 people came to that workshop in Jan 2020.

And then in the pandemic hit, I took them online.

700 people were then on a webinar in Jan 2021.

And by Jan 2022, it was a Sunday Times bestseller.

So it was a really exciting journey.

And I still stand by these seven steps.

I live and breathe them.

They are so practical, accessible, and easy for anyone to follow.

Next up is Dr.

Tara Swat, neuroscientist and expert in mindset and manifestation.

Now, some people think manifesting is just sitting at home fantasizing about the life you want, but Dr.

Tara Swa explains how you need to take actionable steps every day to move yourself forward.

In order to truly manifest the life you want, you need to create alignment.

Now, if you're someone who's skeptical about manifestation, the next clip is for you.

Dr.

Tara Swa brings scientific research and studies to validate manifestation.

This idea then that we have the power to change our destiny, this idea that

we have the power to

propel our lives, whether it's careers, whether it's relationships, we have the ability to shift and pivot.

A lot of people will hear that and they think to themselves, well, that doesn't happen to me.

It happens for those people.

They hear that and think, yeah, you can't really think your way into anything.

Or people hear it and say, no, I tried that once and it didn't work for me.

How do you approach that conversation of helping people realize the power that they hold and the power of what's possible for any one of us?

I love the way you've kind of segued that from nature into manifestation because a few things here.

One thing is if you just observe nature, you see manifestation all the time.

You know, you see a flower growing from a bud into a fully formed flower and then its petals starting to fall.

You see trees growing, you know, all sorts of things.

And the other connection there is that creating the environment within yourself and around yourself to allow things like manifestation to happen.

And that basically means at the simplest level that you set a goal, you say, this is what I want my life to be like, or this is a specific thing I want in my life.

And then there's a process that leads that to potentially manifesting in the real world.

But I do agree with one of those skepticism points, which is that you can't sit at home and think about it.

So I've been really, really clear about saying that it's manifestation it's not creating a fantasy and then waiting for it to come true with no action from yourself.

So, I actually renamed vision boards action boards as if to say that, yes, create imagery that represents what you want, but then you have to be doing something every day to move yourself closer to that.

Whether it's being healthier just so that your brain's in a better environment, or it's networking, or dating, or you know, saving money, whatever it is that's going to get you, let's say, the house that you want.

You know, a great example is people might say,

Of course, I'd love a house in the Hamptons.

But if that's not realistic for you in the short term, then you'll only reinforce the fact that you're failing at manifesting.

So it's better to say, I'd like to be on the property ladder and start there and then obviously build bigger.

Did you find a difference?

And I want to get into the science and research part to show the validity of what you're saying.

Did you find a difference in the science of measuring extrinsic and intrinsic motivators?

Because I feel like manifestation is still always about what do you want?

Where do you want to be?

And

as you know, honestly, I can only speak, I can only really speak for myself.

But when I think about it, for me, I've, if someone asked me what that was, I've always wanted to just wake up and do what I love every day.

Like that's, that's really all I care about.

And so it's all I care right is I want to wake up and do what I love every day.

And hopefully it improves the lives of other people.

And if those two things can go together.

And I find that a lot of manifestation stems around like, what kind of house do you want?

And what kind of car do you want?

And what kind of life do you want?

And it gets very extrinsic.

And so I wonder whether I'm intrigued.

I'm really curious to know what the science suggests about when you're having an action board towards an intrinsic motivator or an extrinsic motivator.

There's a lot to unpack here.

Please.

I'm all ears.

I'm here as a student to just listen because I'm so fascinated.

So in terms of the motivation, to make it really easy for people to understand, I called it magnetic desire, which is something that is so emotionally driven for you personally and aligned with what's logically doable in your life and what your intuition tells you and what your creative brain can help you to achieve, that if you have magnetic desire for something, then

I always say if you follow your passion, you will be successful.

But I'm mindful that that statement and even your one of I just want to wake up and do what I love, are extremely privileged statements.

So with manifestation, one of the criticisms is that, you know, that's a luxury for people who already have, you know, more than what they need.

And then they can say, oh, well, I would love, you know, to do this or have this.

And so I think what I've learnt

in where I have ever felt slightly defensive around that statement is

that whoever you are, wherever you are, there is one tiny thing that you could do to make your life better.

And it's the micro changes that build you up to getting to a point where maybe you can actually do something that you love rather than do what you have to do to put food on the table for your children.

But having said that, if your ideas for what you want to manifest are things like, well, all my friends are getting married and having a family, so I want to get married and have a family, rather than I've really thought about what I want to do and my passion and purpose might mean that I have to delay having a family and that's okay.

It's more likely to work out with the second one than the one that's kind of too guided by parental expectation, societal expectation, career, you know, aspirations.

So I do think people have to dig deeper for manifestation to, you know, really work well.

Yeah.

Walk me through some of the science that and the research that validates some of these claims, because I think that's your...

That's your unique perspective.

And that's been the unique angle that you brought to it.

And I feel like it's great to understand that this stuff is actually being researched, tested, discovered.

It's not just being said because it not just sounds good, but that maybe there's a couple of case studies, but there's more than that.

So, there's two main sort of areas around that.

One is the sort of six themes that I narrowed down from the 12 laws of attraction that I could explain with cognitive science, which is neuroscience and psychology.

So, when I first started that research, I saw that there wasn't even agreement over what the laws of attraction were or how many there were.

So I thought, okay, let me distill this down to like something that makes sense to me and then like see what we can do with it.

So the first one is abundance because one of the strongest gearings in the brain is loss avoidance.

So to survive when we lived in the cave, we had to stay safe rather than take risk.

Now, for most of us who are lucky enough, you know, to live in the modern world and have basic safety around us, it's healthier for us to be willing to take risk.

So you actually have to override that ancient wiring of the brain, which says, no, no, don't go and like, you know, fly to London and try to have meetings with lots of different people who may not want to meet you.

Stay in LA, because that's safer and you've got your community around you and you know you've got a big network.

So for you to say, well, I'm going to go to a new, I know it's not, it was your home, but in terms of like recent work, you know, kind of take a bit of a risk, take a week out there, you know, see who I can interview.

That is you overriding that part of your brain that might say, it would just be easier for me to stay in LA.

So it's as simple as that.

It can obviously be a lot harder than that as well, but it's understanding that your brain will do quite a lot to stop you from taking risk.

It's two and a half times as strongly wired to avoid risk as it is to gain reward.

Say that part again.

It's two and a half times more strongly wired to avoid risk than it is to get a reward.

Wow.

It's about believing that there are enough resources out there for everyone and that by perhaps entering a new career pool or a new community of people, that it doesn't mean that you're likely to fail.

If you've managed to be in an abundant state, because what that does in the brain is it moves the brain away from the fear and shame kind of states, which correlate with the stress hormone cortisol, to the love and trust and joy and excitement states, which correlate with the bonding hormone oxytocin.

Now, when your brain is in that state, it's much more likely to take a healthy risk.

It's much more likely to ask someone for a a favor.

We were talking about, you know, asking each other for favours before.

You wouldn't do that if you thought, well, don't ask Jay because he'll just shut you down.

Then you would never ask anyone.

But if you start a conversation and someone looks like they want to be generous and help you, then you know, you go into that oxytocin mode.

But you need to be pushing yourself into that mode as much of the time as you can.

So the second one is manifestation, which is believing that with your abundant resources, you can do things in the real world that mean that whether it's it's that feeling of I do what I love or it's an actual house, that you have it in your capability to make that happen.

Because of course, if you believe it will never happen for me, one of these common statements, that's likely to become true.

That's manifestation too.

It's just negative manifestation.

And it's important to say that both manifestation and the process of neuroplasticity, which I will describe in detail, which is how your brain changes to allow you to grow and grasp new opportunities, they both have a good side and a a bad side.

And the classic example of a bad side of neuroplasticity is obsessing over an ex after a breakup.

Because what you're saying to your brain is, this is what people do.

You know, you trust them and then they leave you.

And you just remind yourself of all the times that you should have like seen the signs and then, you know, all the times that it went wrong.

That's also inducing neuroplasticity and potentially manifestation in your brain.

Because if you don't make a change after that, your relationship pattern pattern will stay the same and you'll reinforce it further with more breakups and more you know sort of choices of partners aren't ideal for you the third one is the magnetic desire that i already discussed which means that it has to be really authentic to you but also aligned in simple terms in your head your heart and your gut but in the source i talk about six ways of thinking which are logical emotional physical, intuitive, motivational and creative.

So if you think of something that that you want and you ask yourself in six different questions, you know, why do I want this logically?

Why do I want it intuitively?

And you can get a really good answer to those, then it's likely that, you know, you will be able to manifest that.

Then there's patience, which is to do with neuroplasticity.

So until we had sophisticated scanning technologies, A lot of this work, cognitive science work, was all thought to be psychological rather than neurological.

So it would kind of be like, oh, you know, Jay, you're not mentally strong enough.

You gave up too quickly.

And it would kind of infer an intangible psychological weakness that is kind of your fault.

And I think that's another criticism of manifestation as well, that if it doesn't work, then there's something wrong with you.

If you understand that it's actually physical work, when you're changing something, when you're striving for something, you're actually connecting up neurons or nerve cells in your brain that weren't connected previously.

You may even be growing new nerve cells from little embryonic, you know, baby nerve cells cells that then connect up with ones that already exist.

And you may also be adding an insulating coat around existing neural pathways to make them faster, to make them more efficient.

So the patient's piece is because a lot of hard work goes on.

You know that feeling of I'm trying to manifest, but nothing's happening?

That's in the patient's piece.

Because when you get to a critical mass of neurons that have created a new pathway that is stronger than the pathway you had before, so let's say it's just the things like that never happened for me pathway, changes to a, well, actually, I've seen Jay do it, so maybe it could happen for me pathway.

That takes a lot of effort.

But once you get to the critical mass of enough neurons, suddenly it feels like everything's easy and everything's manifesting.

And I do feel like people have to get a taste of that before, you know, at least once with a quick win.

to have the courage to take it to the next level.

Our next clip is from my good friend, Big Sean, rapper, entrepreneur, and mental health advocate.

Now, he explains how to shift your mindset, that feeling a sense of acceptance of where you are isn't giving up.

It's preparing you for what's next.

He breaks down the importance in understanding the difference between chasing and attracting energy to unlock your true power.

If you're someone who's struggling to overcome your difficult past and don't know how to move forward, this clip is for you.

This idea that your journey only begins when you accept that where you are is your starting point, that your experience have made you exactly who you're meant to be with the skills, the talents, the gifts.

So if someone's sitting and listening and going, Sean, that's so hard for me to accept that I am where I need to be because my life's just been full of, you know, the worst, horrible, difficult things.

How do I accept and start from there?

What would you say to them I would say that I

understand

some people's lives are not ideal I'm someone who

has seen that experienced that can relate to that firsthand and what I can say is that when you accept it that doesn't mean

that

you are giving up

Those are two different things.

Accepting it just means, okay,

I'm ready to go somewhere else.

And I'm thankful for all that all this has taught me, all that this has brought me.

I accept where I'm at, but I know I'm made for something else.

I know I'm made to go

higher, right?

But no, but really, I'm made to

be somewhere else in the world.

And I think that until you accept that, you can't move forward because you're just in the middle of it.

And I think when you accept something, that's how you get ahead of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I agree.

I feel like it's the resistance to acceptance that blocks us.

Exactly.

It's like when we're fighting.

Well said.

Yeah.

When we're fighting, we're going in the opposite direction.

It's like it's telling you it's going in this direction and you're trying to force it to go in the other direction.

And that's what's causing tension.

And accepting it means, like you said, not that you're giving up and you're like, all right, well, I'll just do what you want.

It's going, no, this is how it's flowing.

Now, what am I going to do?

There's always a like thread of where you are to where you desire to be at, no matter in what situation, There's never not a way, or else you wouldn't feel it, or else you wouldn't be have a desire for it.

It wouldn't even be in your consciousness.

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't have a desire to go to Saturn because that's just not in my thing, right?

But I have a desire to, the things that I've had a desire to, I always knew that there was a way.

So always know that no matter what opportunity you're in, against the impossible odds

or against odds, you know, whatever it is, you always have your way to get to where you are.

There's always a thread leading you and there are maybe multiple threads.

So never be down and out and think that it's impossible.

It's really not.

I mean,

Mission Impossible is a movie where he defines impossible missions, you know?

But my point is, it's like, there is nothing that's impossible for you.

It's all meant for you.

And it's up to you.

You know, one of my favorite quotes is, Every day I wake up, I'm one day closer to death.

So what you going to do with the time you got left?

It's like, understand that this is

our time right now.

The moment is now.

These moments, we only have the moment.

So a lot of us live in the future and a lot of us live in the past.

And that's something that we have to get out of the habit of.

And I think when you accept where you are, you're kind of letting go of that and making an action plan to putting your attention on your intention.

And you, of course, you have an idea of where you would like to be, but God doesn't always give us what we want.

God gives us what we need.

And sometimes those those are the same thing, and sometimes they're not.

Yeah.

And

it all works out, you know.

It's always bittersweet when summer winds down.

You've had this beautiful, free-flowing time, and now there's this subtle pullback into routine.

But I actually love this part.

It's a chance to reset.

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This back to school season, spend less on your kids with Amazon.

I was talking to one of my closest friends the other day.

He has two kids and every year, it's the same routine.

One kid wants a very specific backpack.

I'm talking not just blue, but navy blue with a neon green zipper and a galaxy print.

The other lost their lunchbox before the first week of school even ended last year.

He's like, Jay, I swear they get more expensive every time they grow an inch.

And I get it.

Kids grow, seasons change, and somehow they always need five new things they didn't need last year.

But what doesn't have to change?

How much you spend on them.

So remember, with Amazon's low back-to-school prices, just spend less on your kids because every dollar you don't spend on them is a dollar you haven't spent on them.

Shop back to school at Amazon and spend less on your kids.

Yeah, for sure.

What's the,

you know, when you're manifesting, as we're talking about this, like finding your path, what's the difference between attracting energy and chasing energy?

Oh boy,

attracting energy and chasing energy.

Well, like I said,

when you're chasing something, you're already implementing the energy of it running away from you.

You know what I mean?

And not to say you can't get it, but it's a lot of effort to chase something.

It's like even police on a high-speed chase, it's like they might have to crash into other cars and they're chasing you.

And when you attract something,

you are using the powers that have been granted to you from God, universe, whatever you call it or believe in, of

it magnetizing to you.

And you have that power.

It's been the power that's been, you know, we use it on a level, on small levels every day.

Even if you just set an intent, hey, I'm today I need to take a shower.

That's literally, you set a goal, you did it, it's done.

You can do that on a scale of anything that happens.

And some things may take a lot more time than others.

You know, we all, we have these ideas and expectations we set for ourselves, but that's on us.

You know, that's our ego sometimes.

That's our

wants and desires and our minds sometimes getting the best of us.

And I think that things do take time, but there is always a way.

And

you can never count yourself out.

What's been the most difficult thing you've ever had to accept?

The most difficult thing that I've ever had to accept is that the things that I can't control.

I used to let the things that I can't control control me.

Give me an example, like

how someone perceives your art.

As an artist, like Erica Badou says, we're emotional about our shit.

You know, I think she said something like that.

Yeah.

That never changes, but you can't control how someone perceives you.

You know, all you can do is put

First of all, to make something, to write something, to

have an idea and

actualize it is like that is really the win for real i'm not just saying that like that is like come on you know what i mean you literally manifested something how people consume it if you impact anyone you that's literally a a bonus to it you know that's why we do it but that's that's you're literally changing the world so that one thing i've had to accept is like Yeah, how people,

like, I can't control what people think of me, their perceptions of me.

And when I try and control that, it takes me off of my path that I'm on of where I need to go.

Yeah.

You know, so that's been, that's, that's, that is something hard.

And you have to separate, like that said, that power of separation of

doing what you love to do and not tying it into how people perceive it.

Yeah.

Those are two separate things.

Which is so hard.

It is.

It's so hard, isn't it?

And I loved what you said that when you get fixated on what other people think of you, you're just getting distracted from your path.

Of course, now you're placing energy on, and then you might even shift what you're doing to try and appease them, and then they still won't like it.

And that's the craziest part, right?

You do what you want and they don't like it, and then you do what they want and they still don't like it.

And then you don't know who you are anymore, and no one likes it, and you don't like it either.

Yeah.

And you end up not liking yourself, trying to get everyone else to like you.

And that's where you don't want to be at.

And that's where you don't want to be at.

And then you're kind of like back to a square one, you know, position of like, okay, having to reestablish yourself.

And, you know, you got to be right with yourself first.

So you, you, you nailed it right on the head, man.

It's like,

you know, you can't, you can't really do, live your life for other people.

I always say that's a business you'll never be successful at is the business of trying to please everyone.

And then when you do please everyone, it's like, are you pleasing yourself?

It's a hard, it's a hard lesson as well for people.

Next up is one of my best friends, Will Smith, award-winning actor, producer, rapper, and entrepreneur.

And he talks about the double-edged sword of discipline and manifestation.

This is for those of you who are starting to see some success.

You're starting to make the right moves and you want to stay on track.

Will explores the connection between intense focus and creating your reality.

If you're someone who's using discipline to seek validation or prove something, that can be dangerous and ultimately serve no real purpose.

Even with fame and success, a lack of inner grounding can leave you unfulfilled.

If you're really wanting to use your discipline for real manifestation, this next clip explains the importance of building a strong spiritual foundation and why true manifestation comes from trust and faith, not force or pressure.

Sometimes we feel momentum, but we're acting out of fear more than love and growth.

When you look at

the athletes, right, there's a certain extreme mindset that

you,

I was going to say, you have to take on.

I don't know that you have to take it on, but I do know is that in this society,

we worship that mindset that,

you know, it's the,

can you become Michael Jordan without that mindset?

Yeah.

You know, and that is a, that is a really

powerful, difficult question.

It's like most people can't sustain the mindset

that, you know, fortunately, because it's, it can be so destructive, but most people can't sustain that level of discipline to manifest the things that they want in

their life.

And there's just a

poisonous edge to

that kind of discipline.

And I've been to the edge of

that kind of material world discipline in my mind.

And I can tell you, you can have a whole lot of stuff and be miserable out there on that edge.

And I found a much more comfortable

and productive space in my life.

And you still need that discipline.

Yes.

But it's like when you use that kind of power to achieve things, it's like

there's a

brutal reckoning.

There's a brutal reckoning at the end of that.

But the amazing thing about you is you've been on that path in that direction.

I think people sometimes see these flips where they're like, oh yeah, now that you are rich and successful and famous, now you're going this way.

But actually from our conversations and how you've shared with the family or even when we've worked with some of the friends in your life, it's like, this has actually been a long process.

This isn't just 10, 12 months.

This isn't just a couple of years.

This has planted a seed from your grandmother

through your whole life to always be reminded of it, to study spiritual paths, world religions, to study philosophies.

Like this is just a long process.

Tell me about that belief your grandmother had in you and tell me a bit about how she planted that deep seed because I think what you said at the beginning that we need that example, I think everyone, if they really reflected, there'd be someone in their life, either indirectly or directly.

But sometimes we forget them.

But when we've been talking everything, your grandmother's been such a pivotal figure.

Yeah.

I'd love for you to share what you think she did that was so powerful because maybe there are some parents listening today and brothers and sisters and grandmothers and grandparents listening today and they'll be able to do that for their children and grandchildren.

My father, my mother, and my grandmother, whenever I think about the three of them,

I picture a triangle in my mind.

And I see like my father was

the base.

as discipline.

And my mother didn't care about anything but education.

Like Like that you had to learn, grow, study, travel.

Like my, you know, my mother was really serious about educating the mind.

And

my grandmother

was

love

and God.

My grandmother was that grandmother at Resurrection Baptist Church.

And she had, you know, we were doing our Easter recitations and we was at the nativity, you know.

So she was that, she was that grandmother at the church and her life was deeply devoted to God

and Jesus in the form of loving service, right?

So the form that it took was she was

working hard to love everybody.

You know,

I remember my grandmother bringing homeless people into our house when we were little and washing them in our bathtub.

I thought that was the nastiest thing.

But she would be in the bathroom with her hands washing homeless people, you know.

And as a child, it was like, no.

But as I grew older,

I just saw how dedicated and devoted she was

to living her life in service.

It took me 50 years to figure, you know,

to figure out what the secret of that was, you know, but it's, it was, um,

there was, there wasn't, there was a day of her life that wasn't devoted to

loving and serving, you know, and I just watched her.

She worked the graveyard shift at the hospital.

And she watched us, my brothers and sisters, during the day while my parents were at work, you know, and then when my parents got off work, then she went, she would take a little nap and then she would go to work at the hospital, you know, and she was the

just the

happiest person

that I had ever met.

Nothing faced her.

She was okay.

And I remember I was about 12 and I had started

rapping.

And, you know, so I had my rap books.

I had all of my little curse words and everything in my rap book.

And she found my rap book and she never said anything.

And she just opened the cover and she wrote a letter to me.

Dear Willard, truly intelligent people do not have to use words like this to express themselves.

God has given you the gift of words.

Be sure to use those words to uplift people.

And, you know, I was,

I was sitting, I was reading that and just love Gigi.

And, you know, that was part of the reason why I never used profanity in any of my music.

And it was like

she missionized me.

in that way to make sure that what I was doing was uplifting others, you know, and when you're telling stories, you can always find the part of the story that is a gift for the potential upliftment of somebody that would see it.

Now, I want to share a few takeaways with you.

Manifestation isn't just about wishful thinking.

It's about healing from what's holding you back.

Whether you're just starting your self-worth journey or deep into it, Every step counts and it continues to be a process for the rest of your life.

Remember, you're not behind.

You're exactly where you need to be to create what's next.

If this episode moved you, share it with someone who needs to hear.

They are worthy of the life they want.

If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation.

Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or their brother, call them right now.

Don't think you're going to have a chance to call them tomorrow or next week.

That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my life.

This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve.

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I've been seeing a lot more EVs lately, parked in driveways, passing on the road, friends making the switch, and they all say the same thing.

These cars are simpler, fewer parts, fewer repairs, fewer headaches.

That's what makes EVs worth considering.

Less to break, less to fix.

Even if you haven't made the move yet, it's hard to ignore the shift.

They're more affordable, more available, and honestly, just make sense for everyday life.

The way forward is electric.

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This is an iHeart podcast.