CFB Mega Preview With Tom Fornelli & Brandon Walker, Joey Chestnut + Mt Rushmore Of Things In A College Guys Apartment

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have an awesome college football preview with our good friend Tom Fornelli, and we also invited Brandon Walker. You'll hear at the beginning, we told Brandon Walker he's going to be the college football expert this year uh he did not know that Tom Fernelli was in the studio it was great Brandon Walker was great too so awesome deep dive with the two of them our two favorite college football experts uh not named Danny Staples yeah they were very good Brandon's got a shady track record whenever someone labels him as an expert yeah but he did a good job time.
That's true. So we also have an interview with our good friend Joey Chestnut, who has a big competition coming up on Monday.
Perfect, perfect come down from the football we're going to watch all weekend long. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of things in every college guy's apartment.
It is still anyone's Mount Rushmore between Hank and PFT. And then we'll have Fyre Fest.
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Today is Friday, August 30th, and football is back.

PFT, we're recording this early because Pup Punk this weekend.

Go buy tickets Philly and Washington, D.C.

But you finally got your Lindenwood game.

We're Lindenwood tonight, man.

I'm heavy on Lindenwood.

I have no choice but to bet on that.

Even though I do like Kansas, but I'm going to have to bet on L lindenwood that felt like the longest week ever it was a such a long week and then with reports that like putin was acting up in ukraine i thought maybe world war three would start again and we wouldn't get to the lindenwood kansas game uh fortunately cooler heads prevailed and we made it yeah that is actually a secret phobia of mine every single off season and i refer to our off season as football off season there are other sports but i love football and every year i'm terrified that the asteroid is going to happen right right before kickoff so we've got we still have another week until nfl until it's fully football season knock on wood knock on wood so uh asteroid just mind your own business putin kindly just fuck off for another week how many world war threes have almost happened a lot feels like in the last two years it's been it's been hundreds do you think right after world war one ended they were like why do we keep calling this world war one yeah why are we does that mean we're gonna do it again weird shit is there a sequel, fuck. We didn't realize that we have to do a sequel.
Was this a prequel? Yeah, that's true. Hank, big news for you.
You have a starting quarterback. Yeah.
Jacoby Brissett. Yep.
I actually like Jacoby Brissett a lot. I think he's a good quarterback.
He'll get you probably eight wins if he starts the entire season. So you're not going to- Eight? Eight.
Jacoby Brissett is- Eight Brissett is an eight, a sneaky eight win quarterback is a lot for their roster, their offensive line. I'm just saying Jacoby Brissett is a, so you're going to bet the over for the Patriots win total, which is what? Five and a half.
Three and a half. It might be four and a half.
Yeah. I'm going to take the, you know what? I will take the over on that.
I actually don't think that they'll win eight games. I'm just saying Jacoby Brissett feels like an eight-win quarterback guy under the radar.
I wouldn't be surprised if they won six, seven. Seven? Yeah.
I'm going to take it. I'd be stunned.
Okay. Jacoby Brissett, I mean, he seems like a great dude.
We've got to have him on the show at some point. I like Jacoby Brissett.
Hank, are you a little sad, though, that you don't get to be in – Jacoby Brissett, just not to correct you, has never won eight games. Because he's never started a full season.
Right. He's gone – well, he has started a full season.
He went four and 11. Okay.
And then he started another season. He won seven games.
That's 15 games. Seven and eight.
Yeah, so, couldn't get to eight with four wins. And he went four and seven, and then not a full season, four and seven, and then seven and eight.
So he was close. He could have gotten to eight there.
Yeah. He's also, I think he's the best quarterback sneaker of all time, if you look at his yards per sneak, Hank.
So you got that going for you. Yeah.
I'll never forget there was like my first year working on the show there was a thursday night football game that jacoby brissette started i think it was i think it was for the browns browns where we started the show saying and jacoby brissette might be the guy yeah yeah i was like he flashes yeah yeah i think he's i wouldn't say he's an eight-win quarterback. I think he gets you a couple wins in – like your starter goes down, Jacoby Brissett comes in, he can tread water.
He's a tread water guy. Yeah.
He's a three and four guy. Three and four is not bad.
Three and four is not bad. He's tread water.
Yep. Like, hey, the season didn't fully fall apart, but we also didn't really win i may have gotten over my skis by saying eight wins at the i knew what you were

saying i want to take it i want to take accountability for that like because when you're wrong on this

show it's important to admit that you're wrong yeah i may have been wrong like 30 seconds ago

but i'm right when i say that he will get you a few more wins if he starts a full slate than you

would think that he would i think the only thing you did wrong was you should have said he's an

eight win vibe guy eight win vibe guy yeah might not get you eight wins but you'll feel like eight wins is possible he'll get you eight covers yeah that's true yeah that's true uh so congrats hank uh good job on that you have a starting quarterback yeah congratulations are you feeling like you're going to be missing out on on rookie quarterback excitement that's going to be permeating this podcast? No, because if things go south for you guys, it's over. Whereas...
No, that's not true. Patriots also aren't in a win now.
The Commanders aren't either, but you, for some reason, think they are. No, I don't...
You're wrong with what you just said. What? You're wrong.
The Bears are definitely... You don't know what it's like to have a rookie quarterback.
You are definitely... Things are definitely not over if things go wrong in the first year.
That's when you go, hey, year two is going to be different, sophomore bump. After year two goes bad, you're going to be like, okay, this might be a problem.
But year three, new year, fresh start. And then year three goes bad, and you're like, maybe, though, we should extend them.
So, really there's a lot of time before things go over. And you forgot after year two.
You can convince yourself they aren't over. When year two goes bad, then you get a new offensive coordinator.
Right. And then you read all the reports of how they're clicking.
It's more quarterback friendly. Maybe an older wide receiver.
Yeah, you get a veteran presence in there, and then you can convince yourself, yeah, he could turn around year three. He just needed some targets.
Yeah, he has a really good performance in the second half of a couple games where they're losing by 30 points, and you're like, you know what? He made a couple really nice throws there. Yeah, so no.
No. You're wrong.
Things are not over. But I'm not going to get FOMO about Drake may not starting our offensive line.
It's bad. Our roster's not great.
It's okay. It's a rebuilding year.

Just embrace it for what it is.

Put a pin in that, Hank.

I think mid-October you're going to be like, let's see what the young guys got.

Because that's also part of it.

You definitely get to a point where you're like, hey, can we just see the young guy to get excited?

Yeah, you're going to be like, let's just see what the young guys got.

No, then you start looking at the draft board.

Start paying attention to college football. Yeah.
Start paying attention, which is're gonna have fomo though i think you're gonna see me and big cat so emotionally invested in our quarterbacks and you're gonna want to taste of that because you're gonna it's gonna be sad watching jacoby brissette go out there and and have those covers that you know he'll play better than you think he is but you're gonna get sick of losing and then you're gonna say i just want the excitement of seeing what my guy can do i mean this is loser mentality i feel like we've talked about it a bunch think he is, but you're going to get sick of losing. And then you're going to say, I just want the excitement of seeing what my guy can do.

I mean, this is loser mentality.

I feel like we've talked about it a bunch on the show, but your guy's ultimate goal is achieving one.

You know, if you could have one fifth of the success that the Patriots had in that 20 year run, you'd be thrilled. Yeah.

Yeah.

Whereas I've felt it.

So I'm not.

You can't.

It's impossible to expect those results forever.

I'm very happy with the 20-year run we had.

If we don't have a good year, I'm not going to be that upset about it.

And that might upset people.

I don't care.

I would love to be in a position where Patrick Mahomes could just absolutely crush my dreams at the Super Bowl.

That's what I want.

Like, choke me, daddy.

I want to be the sub for Patrick Mahomes.

It sucks.

No, but it's fun.

You get so many fun memories.

No.

No.

I have no fun memories from that.

No, there were some fun memories.

Yeah.

Pants.

Jalen Hurts will suck his dick right now.

Yeah.

When you beat the 49ers when they didn't have a quarterback, that was fun.

And tried to say that that was a real game.

That should count.

What do you mean it should count?

It should count. What do you mean it should count? It shouldn't have counted.
They should have just replayed the game? Yes. Yeah, until Brock Purdy's elbow was okay.
Do you guys want to do another anonymous poll? Yeah, I'd love to. We should conduct our own anonymous poll at some point.
Okay. It's the rage right now.
So anonymous poll time. These are my favorite.
I have some good quotes from this. This is NFL agents dish on best and worst franchise.
Yeah. From the athletic.
So they had, which is the best run franchise? Max Eagles were number one with tied with the 49ers. Congratulations.
Let's go. Let's go.
Eagles and 49ers. Howie, there was a lot of praise for Howie in everything he does, which is the most unstable franchise.
I think this one won't surprise anyone. Most unstable franchise.
Most unstable franchise, the Carolina Panthers. That is correct.
A resounding number one with the Carolina Panthers because David Tepper, if he's got one fan it's peter schrager yeah that's about it there's no he can't buy any of the other owners houses and bulldoze them to the ground yeah the quote actually was uh i think the headline for this section should be that for the first time in my career most nfl organizations are relatively competent wow how about that that is a direct dance we would have voted dan snyder if he was yeah it's actually nice not being on that list really anymore yeah and uh i actually could see if the if the packers were to beat the panthers multiple times in the playoffs i could see david tepper buying all the green bay packers owners homes and leveling them and building his own home there yeah he's that kind of guy but yeah it's nice to have a new boogey. I want to do something else here.
Blind poll, blind quote. I'm going to take out anything that describes what team this is talking about.
You guys tell me the team. You ready for this? There is complete disarray over there.
Look at how they've handled blank. Has one player had more power than him? They have been unable to convert him into a team player.
The vibe inside the building is terrible. Jets.
That's correct. Well, the Jets, they're not in disarray.
They're out of formation, if you know anything about Jets. But this is actually accurate describing Aaron Rodgers having the most power.
He's got the most power in the NFL. So, Memes, how do we find this? We gotta find out who this blind poller was.
Rossini? No, I think it was maybe it was. Let's see who was actually.
Who voted? Who voted? Let's get this name. Let's see.
The Athletics with 31 representatives of our 6th annual NFL survey. So agents.
We need to find some agents. It was an anonymous agent.
It was an anonymous agent that said the Jets are in complete disarray over there. Look at how they've handled Aaron Rodgers.
Has one player had more power than him? He skipped minicamp. They've been unable to convert him into a team player.
The vibe inside the building is terrible. I'm going to gonna go out on a limb and i think that this anonymous agent might represent hassan reddick well it's 31 of them okay well if you but that guy that quote yeah if you can't trust an anonymous agent who can you trust that's true so memes we gotta find who this rossini is bunch of salty bitches this sorry, this Florio is.
All 31 of them. Be better at your job.
Be better at your job. This was a fun one.
What average annual value would three-time Super Bowl MVP Patrick Holmes receive if he were a free agent on the open market? 80 mil. So the most common answer was 70 mil, but there were six people who voted for over $100 million.
Holy shit. Crazy.
Can you even build a team? I don't know. I don't know if that's possible.
I saw that Deshaun Watson just restructured his contract. And I think next season and the year after, he's going to get the cap hit is going to be $74 million.
Oh, my God. On him, which I saw what the Browns did.
I do not understand the salary cap. No.
It's not real. It makes no sense.
It can't be real. So they had him signed to a guaranteed contract, and they said, we're going to restructure, convert it to a signing bonus.
We just freed up like $70 million. They have the most cap room in the NFL right now.
It doesn't make any sense at all. If you sign a guy to a very unfriendly cap deal, and then a year and a half later, you can be like, actually, it's a really good deal for the cap this season.
Yeah. It doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, and we can cut him whenever, and his money's not real. I do like playing that game, though.
If there was no salary cap whatsoever, what would he make? $250 million a year? No salary cap? No salary. For Patrick Mahomes? Thes would still run an organization where they want to make money, but it's the old when LeBron was in his heyday.
What is he actually worth? I don't know, $300 million? Yeah, if the NFL was truly free market capitalism, he might go to the Panthers. David Tepper, they might turn this ship around.
Yeah, you're right. Okay, we also had, I think there was the team their most, or team who had best offseason, that was the Commanders.
Let's go, offseason champs. Commanders won that.
They said basically just everything, the vibes have changed. They don't have Aaron Rodgers.
Yep, yep. All that stuff.
No Aaron Rodgers is a big one. Yeah.
Just signed Nick Bellory. Nick Bellory.
We signed the wide receiver from Houston. We, unfortunately, cut Martavis Bryant.
Yeah, which you found out in the middle of the Jerry O'Connell interview. I still think we could bring him back.
You're getting Ayuk? Yeah, we're going to get Ayuk. When's that going to happen? So Ayuk, he was supposed to practice yesterday.
There was a report out of San Franciscoisco he was going to practice and then all the reporters just went out onto the practice field and just watch for brandon iuk to come out and he never did so things aren't going great with whatever they're negotiating out there i don't i just brandon iuk has just he's reached the point where i just want it to be over yeah i want to know what's going to happen with them this year yeah and the back and forth is it's gone way too long yeah um the last thing that i found funny about this uh poll because this is again agents uh they asked what they should change this is nfl agents uh they should say college players should be allowed to enter the draft as a one and done that's interesting yeah i want to get more players to be able to represent. They also said add rounds to the draft.
That's not necessary. Okay.
Well, because think about it. If you're an agent, don't you want there to be like seven rounds is okay.
You might even want six rounds because if you're a seventh round pick, you'd almost rather just be able to choose where you want to go. Yeah.
And negotiate your own signing bonus at that point. These are just funny, like how could you make a perfect world? And here's another one.
Any three years or less contracts should be fully guaranteed. I'm fine with that.
Yeah, that's good. Shrink the length of rookie contracts so players can get to a second contract quicker.
Again, this has nothing to do with the agents making money. For running backs.
Well, they said the change to the running back to fix the running back thing is to have the one and done or college players don't have to say three years which i agree with yeah like if you if you're a really good running back usually you find out if you're a really good running back within the first two years why add that extra wear and tear i agree also i like the idea of being a one and done in college just to piss off davos winning more yeah yes he would hate he might actually he might commit Sapuku at the 50-yard line with his own cleat. Yes.
If that happens. He's like, I'm sacrificing myself at the altar of college football.
This one, actually, I agree with. Separate salary bucket for quarterbacks.
That makes sense. Yeah.
Basically, let the quarterbacks get paid something completely separate so it doesn't, again, the cap doesn't make sense. But they're so out of control compared to everything else.
You do a separate bucket where it's like every team has $100 million or whatever. And then the rest of the roster is under a salary cap.
I don't mind that. I like the idea of having that separate bucket for quarterbacks and also for running backs.
Yeah. I think that the Zoom call that they did last year really changed my mind about a lot of things.
It did big time. And then, yeah, there was just another one that was raised rosters to 60 players on game day.
Okay. Which, again, that would be, they'd just be able to represent more NFL players.
Yeah. So I stand with the anonymous agents.
Yes. Doing a poll of anonymous agents is such a funny thing to do.
It's very funny. It's like, let's figure out how these guys want to make more money out of it.
Raise the agent fees to 25%. I stand with the agents on that one.
All right, yeah, those anonymous polls. I love anonymous polls.
We should conduct one. Yeah, let's do it.
We should conduct one. We should come up with one maybe mid-season, and we can do about how the season's going and have all the AWOs vote on it and then just just release the findings like they're facts or we just ask our friends that are in the nfl to vote in the pools we just ask people in the office yeah we can do that too we should do anonymous polls around the office yeah uh there's also a report about tom brady hank's best friend tom brady oh so he is trying to purchase a stake in the raiders which i i think that's progressing.
I feel like we have a vote about that every couple of weeks. He was wearing a Raiders hat at the Morgan Wallet concert.
Oh, was he? Mm-hmm. Interesting.
So is he already officially, officially? I don't know anything other than that. I just assumed that meant that it was happening.
So there's a rule that they're putting in place because he's going to be doing games. He's going to be calling games now.
Right. Where as an owner, he's not going to be allowed to do any pre-production or behind-the-scenes visits with any of the teams that he's going to be covering.
Right. Because he's going to get some secret sauce from them or something, and that's going to be against the rules.
He's going to use that. That's pretty much what Troy Aikman has been doing for the last 20 years to make sure the Cowboys stay on top.
Yeah, and it an incredible job and so they don't want to repeat that with the raiders and uh florio is all over this by the way hank uh he said this is the opening paragraph from his article about it such a florio story tom brady's first significant encounter with the raiders happened in the tuck rule game the latest development wow he's really setting the stage there oh just wait oh just wait Because like okay he's setting you up right now yeah tom brady's first significant encounter with the raiders happened in the tuck rule game the latest developments involving brady and the raiders could have him saying a different word that ends with uck whoa suck buck is he making a duck is he making a jujitsu joke?

Is this the C?

Is he going to PF James with Mark Davis and getting the duck?

Cuck.

I think he's talking about cuck.

Yeah.

Got it.

Facebook?

Florio doesn't know that word.

Zuck.

Florio does not know the word cuck.

I don't think he does either.

He's an Italian man.

He doesn't get cucked. But it seems like Brady, I don't know.

Florio is saying that the league is trying to convince Brady not to have a stake in the Raiders. Got it.
I don't think Roger Goodell would overstep his bounds when it comes to punishing Tom Brady. No.
That doesn't seem like him. But he'll let the finance bros come running in.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Yeah. The Bengals were the only team that voted against that.
They just love being the one team that doesn't Mike Brown. I actually feel bad for Bengals fans right now because obviously Jamar Chase is, I think he was supposed to be at practice.
He was like, oh yeah, he's going to practice for the rest of the week or up until week one, and then he showed up in street clothes. I feel bad for Bengals fans because Mike Brown is so, so cheap, and he was like, I have to pay joe burrow and then once he paid joe burrow he's like no i'm never doing that again it sucks yeah he's you have like uh jamar chase and joe burrow should play together forever yeah he's right now house poor right like i spent all my money on joe burrow so i'm not spending a dime on anything else it's crazy i.
I don't understand. I get, like, you want to own the team and you have the power and you feel like a big, strong guy.
But, like, dude, if you can't fucking pay in, if you're going to be cheap, just fucking sell the team and go be rich and fuck off. Yeah.
Just do it. Like, I mean, the McCaskies are kind of similar.
Although although I'm back on the McCaskies side

because they kept swearing out of hard knocks, which was very important.

That's good.

Yeah.

They made sure there was no swearing on hard knocks because you can't have that.

Not in football.

Not in football.

No, not in the NFL.

No.

All right.

Before we do Mount Rushmore, I also saw Ravens GM sees increased urgency in Lamar.

So that's good.

Good, yeah.

He wasn't urgent enough.

That was the problem?

There's urgency.

You're talking about urgent care?

That's good. Good, yeah.
He wasn't urgent enough? That was the problem? There's urgency now. You're talking about urgent care? That's one of my favorite, if you're a fan of a team that has been close but hasn't gotten over the hump, where sometime in late August, where you get reports being like, they really feel the pressure to win.
They really want to this year yeah there was a interview with caleb williams it might have been your guys waddle and sylvie that did it but they were talking about pressure like do you feel any pressure and he was like no i don't i don't i never feel pressure yeah i just think about the expectations that i have for myself that i have to go out there and be the best and win he described pressure yeah but he just doesn't call it he doesn't call it pressure it's a good it's a good move it's a judo move it's very smart yeah yeah it's like uh i'm not anxious i'm just got a lot to do tomorrow yeah i just got a lot on my mind and i want to make sure that everything happens and then i keep going through the worst case scenarios of what could happen and then i overthink that and then i try to go to sleep but i can't because i'm thinking about it too much yeah but anxiety is not a word in my day it's a chick thing yeah yeah we don't have we don't get anxious here yeah we just we just constantly think about the future and if everything's going to work out yeah uh there was a great college football story too uh did you see this about chuck martin from I think it was University of Miami at Ohio? Okay.

Love and honor.

Yep.

They were talking about iPads and how iPads are going to be on the sidelines in college

football this year.

And he is the only guy that voted against using iPads on the sideline.

He said, I don't want iPads.

In the old days, he actually had to coach.

He had to watch the action, figure out what was going on, and then go make adjustments.

I can get a nine-year-old kid to watch the play on an iPad and say, that guy was running wide open up the scene. We should cover him.
I agree with him. And then he said at the end that you used to have to make in-game adjustments, but now the iPad will make them for you.
Pretty soon there will be robots on the sidelines, and you won't even have to hire anyone. Soon we'll have fake officials, fake players, fake coaches.
Yep. So he described NCAA.
Yeah. He described the college football game.
Yes, yes. I agree with him.
Yeah. There's nothing worse than having someone watch you.
I'm speaking from a lot of experience. Having someone watch you be like, X was open.
Yeah, that's true. Also, kids these days, as they get into college, they're used to having screen time to just make them shut up at dinner.
It's like, oh, are you going to annoy us for this entire dinner? Just watch this game. Just play this game on your iPad the whole time.
So that's going to make its way into college football where coaches are just going to get sick of their players complaining about stuff. Be like, here, just watch this iPad of a game and you'll be fine.
And it'll just kind of bring the temperature down on the sidelines. Yeah.
If they can just have screen time. Credit to me, I don't have my kids watch at dinner.
It's just basically a constant terrorist negotiation with being like, hey, you take one bite of this, and you're getting an Oreo. That's pretty good.
That's it. That's the whole thing.
That's pretty good. It's just a constant negotiation back and forth.
Yeah. But I do, I like what Chuck, what's his name, Chuck Martin? I like what Chuck Martin's saying's saying pretty soon we're just not going to have coaches and players anymore he's right he's right he's absolutely right it's a slippery slope once you allow them to look at an ipad on the sideline guys guys be marrying pigs next thing you know people there's not even going to be football anymore we're gonna be living in a simulation where's the line yeah where's the line uh all right so speaking of college football you guys got any picks for people let's just do a pick for week one um we're gonna talk our full preview with brandon walker and tom franelli in a second and we go through everything but what's your favorite game week one hank i looked at the board uh i saw the one that jumped out eastern michigan plus 2.5 why did that jump out because umass football should never be favorites against anyone.
Okay. No offense.
Don't they have a really hard schedule this year? UMass? Yeah. Any game that they have is a hard.
That's true. Every year is a hard schedule.
I think they're real sickos this year. I want to say that they've got like, are they playing several games against the SEC? I mean, they probably do a lot of bye games.
They usually always play one against the SEC. Yeah.
By the way, go to DraftKings for any of your week one lines. All right, so Eastern Michigan, huh? Eastern Michigan plus two and a half.
Okay, PFT? They're playing Georgia November 23rd. Oh, no.
Yikes. Oh, no.
And Mississippi State. They're playing Mississippi State.
I guess they're technically Missouri. Yeah, they're sickos.
They're sickos. You like PFT.
I like the University of Richmond, the Spiders. I like the Spiders going into Charlottesville, playing UVA, 18 and a half.
That's too many points. Too many points.
These guys get paid to play football, too, at Richmond. Although that UVA quarterback, I kind of like him.
He's got aura. He's a guy who his helmet popped off last year, and he took a picture flexing for a first down.
Does he have aura or does he have moxie? Both, I would say. And this is also because of our friend and colleague, Jake Malisek, always tweeting this picture.
So it could be that he sucks, and I have been brain-wormed by those close around you talking about someone. Calandria.
Oh, Calandria. Okay.
I still like Richmond. Don't count out the Spiders early on in the season.
Okay. Because they're going to get on the bus, they're going to drive from Richmond to Charlottesville, and they're going to have their coach say to them as they get off the bus, just remember, these guys at UVA, nobody there recruited you.
Yeah. And then Richmond's going to step off and smash them.

Yeah.

I like that.

Yeah, Anthony Calandria, he finished the season with –

he only won one game last year, but he's got an aura.

Okay.

Yeah, you have been tricked into supporting UVA.

I'm looking at his numbers right now.

He had 13 touchdowns, nine interceptions.

He finished the season – I guess they beat Duke. That was probably why I've been tricked.
So they won his second-to-last game last year. I have been tricked.
I have been brain-wormed. It's going to cost me money.
Hoodwink, bamboozled. Yes, led astray.
I'm going to take USC. I've given it on all the college football shows I've done.
This is going to probably be a disaster because it's a Sunday night standalone game. Yeah.
So, yeah. I'm going to be like, hey, remember when I just was like, yeah, USC.
USC. Just wait for Sunday night.
USC. Hey, memes.
How are you feeling about your Georgia Bulldogs this year? I'm feeling fantastic. They're going to beat the absolute fuck out of Clemson.
Okay. I like that.
I want to see some memes Georgia stuff this year because it is, you are kind of, what's the guy, the Two-Face guy in Batman? Two-Face. Two-Face? Is that his name? Harvey Dent.
Harvey Dent. You're Harvey Dent.
Yeah. You got the Jets in Georgia.
Yeah. People see you and you're like, oh, that's a normal looking guy.
And then you turn and your face is completely off because Florio and Rossini have burnt it so many times. Yeah, my weekends go Saturday.
Good because Georgia wins. Come in, watch the Jets.
They lose and then I'm miserable the rest of the week. And then it goes Saturday win on repeat.
Yeah, so you only get like 12 hours. Yeah.
You have Saturday scaries. Yes.
Like Saturday night, you're feeling good. You're having a great time.
And you're like, oh, fuck. I got Jets tomorrow.
I got to do this. I got to go to Jets tomorrow.
I just watched a competent team. Now I got to go back to the Jets.
Yeah. You're basically like a child of divorce.
And you go for like one day to dad's house and play all these games. Then you go to mom's house and there's a lot of rules you just want to go back you're like yeah but georgia but georgia scores points yeah points yeah but yeah georgia lets me cheetos in bed why can't i do that here mom jets it's the best so memes you're not you usually haven't been as over the top as a georgia fan is that because they're an adopted team or is that because you just you always have that impending doom of being a Jets fan um I adopted them in junior high when I got a Matthew Stafford jersey sent to me my uncle lives down there so they are adopted but I still root for them equally as all the other teams okay also being from the northeast it's like no one really has college teams.
Most people from the Northeast have adopted college teams. Meems is a real Georgia fan.
I'm going to back him up. He watches every game.
He knows every player. And then he roots them on the Eagles.
We have a big Georgia representative at Barstool. It's me, Ryan Whitney, and Triggs.
All Northeast guys. Yeah, northeast guys right yeah real southerners real sec guys hey isn't it crazy the the georgia team memes from two three years ago that won the national three years ago like all those players on the defense like there's a lot of guys that kind of suck in the pros like who uh i saw lewis scene right he got cut.
Yeah. Which there's no worse.
Having anything say former first rounder. Yeah.
That's a bad thing to have. When it's phrased that way, former first rounder.
Gets cut. That means that something bad has happened.
You wonder what went wrong. I mean, N'Kobe Dean, has he played a lot? He's just been hurting.
He's been hurt a lot. He was a third rounder.
No, yeah, I'm not saying where they were, but if you look at the Georgia defense, it was so dominant three years ago. Jalen Carter.
Jalen Carter has been good. Memes, am I off on this? Georgia roster.
Well, Louis Cien just signed with the Jets, so they're going to revive him. I thought he switched to the Bills.
No, the Jets. The Jets are going to revive him.
Mike White's on the Bills. Okay.
Maybe I'm... Who was the other? There was a couple guys.
This might be very wrong. We'd have to maybe do a deep dive for memes.
They were supposed to be the best team in the history of college football. Wait.
Louis seemed to sign with the Bills. No, the Jets.

Okay.

I'm reading right now in Rapport,

the Bills are actually signing former Vikings first-round safety Louis seen to their practice squad.

This says Jets signing.

Many thought seen would land with the Jets.

Oh, no.

Wait, what?

Oh, no.

Wait, did the Jets turn him around by letting the Bills sign him?

Wait, did this just happen? I mean, I'm seeing from three hours ago. Two hours ago to join the Bills practice squad.
Plot twist, former Vikings first rounder, Lewis Dean is expected to sign with the Bills practice squad. Oh, no.
He had initially leaned towards Jets, but opts to go elsewhere to the AFC East. Is the vibe terrible? Georgia fan revoke.
Oh, no. I think this is an example of disarray.

This is a team that would be...

A team that is in disarray would do something like that.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, no, memes.

I'm sorry that you had to find this out right here and right now.

That was a perfect rabbit hole we just went down to get to this point.

Oh, my God.

Sorry for your loss, memes.

Memes? Did you already order the jersey oh man yes you're pretending like this was a make or break player i mean we had 10 former first rounders on the defense that's cool oh that would have been sick wait would he have made 11 no he was 10 oh that would have been awesome like the the Falcons from back in the day? Yeah, the offense.

Yeah, that would have been sick.

Now I am kind of bummed for you.

Sorry, memes.

Sorry, memes.

There's a great story that's coming out of Gainesville. Have you seen what's going on with the game between the Gators and the Hurricanes?

No.

All right, so the University of Florida announced that they were going to do a whiteout for this game,

which I guess they rarely do, but it's like opening week. Let's get all the students wearing white let's get all the fans wearing white make it a tough environment miami then responded by choosing to wear their all white uniform oh so they completely took the white from florida and now they own that whiteout game oh now this is a university of miami whiteout game oh no yeah it's shocking that is shocking so wait so it's going to be so who gets the whites so florida is going their fans are going to be wearing all white okay but but the hurricanes are going to be dressed in all white on the field got it so it's going to look oh that's going to be very confusing very I think they completely lost home field advantage on this.
Oh, no. Yeah, they did lose home field advantage.
That's significant. Yeah.
That feels significant. What are you looking up? Oh, you're looking it up, Max? We're just looking at all the players.
And how many are crushing it. Because that was an insane defense.
It's not taking anything away from their college defense. It looks like Trayvon Walker and Jalen Carter.

Or were the two that you could be like, yeah.

Because that was an insane, insane defense.

And I only thought of it because I saw Lewis scene was going to the Jets.

He went to the Jets, right?

He went to the Jets initially, but then he changed his mind and went to the Bills. He went to the Jets, right? He went to the Jets initially,

but then he changed his mind and went to the Bills.

Yeah, verbal meme Aaron Rodgers walking out with the flag

was Louis Sienis.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

It's a tough scene.

Oh, no.

Okay, let's do our Mount Rush work.

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Okay, boys.

It all comes down to this.

PFT and Hank are separated by three points, which means if Hank can win this Mount Rushmore and PFT somehow comes in last,

we will have a tie and figure out what exactly we're going to do to break that tie. We have the Mount Rushmore of things in a college guy's apartment.
Correct? What are the standings right now? The standings? I know I'm up three on Hank. Yeah.
You have no chance at coming in second right now. No, I've been kind of mailing them in because of the standings.
Well, I thought as of Wednesday's poll, you could have come in third. Oh, I could come in third.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know.
As soon as I clinched, I went with Max Autopilot. You clinched, not last place.
Yeah. I mean, yeah, second and third mean nothing.
No, I've also... Wait, I don't know when these standings were.
Second place means nothing, Max? In this competition, no. In other competition? Second place means nothing.
You keep bringing up second place. It seems like you're gunning for big...
You brought that up like three times to me. Yeah, why does that matter? Yeah, why does it matter? Hank, are you trying to stir the pot a little bit? Have you not brought it...
Max, he brought it up to you? He's brought it up to me. No.
He has not brought it up to me, but it does seem like you care a lot about second place, which means nothing. Well, I guess I don't in this because...
You asked for the standing. The only thing that matters is coming in last.
It literally means nothing. It's not like second to last and last place did the punishment like in the baseball one, right? Correct.
And even if that was the case, you still wouldn't want second even more. You just wouldn't want to be second to last.
That's all I'm saying. Yeah.
What? What? Second and third place mean absolutely. The minute I clinched, I was like, great.
Pack it up. I'm out.
Awesome Mount Rushmore season. Did my job.
Yeah. I was talking about the baseball one, where if you're second to last, it's not good.

No.

We do NFL picks where you come in second and last, you lose.

Someone messaged me this week an idea that I like of next year doing a lottery system.

What do you mean?

Like the NBA lottery. For what? For doing the punishment.
So if you come in last, you get a ton of lottery balls to get picked to do the punishment. Oh, I do like that.
Yes, I love that. That is a great idea.
I think if you come in first, you're out. No, I think first you'd have like one lottery ball.
Okay, yeah. Yeah, it should be 100 lottery balls.
We could just do it with our lottery ball machine. I wish I could.
Yeah, it's like if you come in last, you have 40 lottery balls. If you come in third, you have 30 lottery balls, then 20, then 10, or whatever it is.
Yeah, I love that. That's a good idea.
I love that. I love that.
Great idea from that person. Because you and I have just been checked out.
Yeah, you're right. We should incentivize.
There shouldn't be just playing out the string. Yeah, you guys are doing load management now.
Yeah. Basically.
You're resting up for the playoffs. Pretty much.
Okay. I'm going to try, though, in this one, Max.

We've got to try in this one.

Yeah, yeah, we have to.

We have to give it.

We don't want it to have any issues.

All right, so who's going first?

Oh, I think it's me.

Okay, so things that are in a single guy's apartment.

College guy's apartment.

College guy's apartment, excuse me.

I am going to go with liquor bottle decor it's a good one yeah good pick yeah any sort of alcohol i just said empty liquor bottles yep yeah just like this you put it around yep like look how many empty bottles that we have in this house yeah you ever put like christmas lights into the liquor bottles and then use those way too bougie for us decorations but they're like shitty liquor bottles yep like aristocrat vodka this is my centerpiece yep all right my first pick i'm gonna go with a almost empty keg just having a keg in a corner somewhere okay and there's not enough beer in it to drink it's probably been warm for about two weeks but you still have the keg there because you can take it back get the deposit get it refilled at some point but it's not totally empty yet yep okay um i'll go with easy um xbox and ps5 and specifically both because that's like a very college guy thing to be like we got both gaming systems and it's just like you don't need to but we have both we have one xbox guy one ps5 guy in here do like ps2 when you're in college uh that's really funny i actually had xbox 360 why don't you go fuck yourself i i dealt with the red ring of death so did i oh so we're not that much different i was curious you said ps5 obviously you never ps5 in didn't have a PS5 in college. Well, I mean, what am I? All right, fine.
I should say PlayStation 2. Was it? No, it was Xbox 360.
But you just said specifically both. No, I think you said Xbox and PlayStation.
Xbox and PlayStation. We could just say Xbox and PlayStation.
Oh, got it, got it. I'm saying both.
I'm saying like every college department, like when you get older, you don't have two consoles in your house. Got it.
When you're in college, you have two consoles because why the fuck not yeah yeah usually one guy brings yeah another guy said that now it's a very college thing to have two of the consoles i did have a ps3 in my apartment in college at one point but it's because we were broke as shit and so we all pulled our money together i waited in line for like three days to get a playstation 3 and i was like i'm gonna buy it then i'm gonna flip it right before christmas these things are going for like 10 15 000 i get it and then i put it online turns out that they're going for 10 15 000 because they haven't come out yet and then once i put mine online and everybody else did i think i ended up losing 50 bucks yeah after three days of us taking turns waiting in this line. But yeah, PS2, PS3.

Xbox 360 was for, I don't know, five, six years of my life was definitely the most expensive thing I owned.

And it was, I remember, I look,

I watched the video to try to fix the red ring of death

with the hairdryer, the whole thing.

Can't do it.

Can't do it.

Can't do it.

Okay.

I'm going to go with full-size trash cans. i love it i miss it so much you should only have to take out the trash like once every month two of them i had two of them or you can burn it sometimes we would not even we'd run out of trash bags that got gross we used to call it i was i we just called a trash corner yeah where we would we would have our trash, and then it would overflow, so it would just fall out the side.

So it was just a corner of trash.

Piles of trash, yeah.

And I'll go with a massive bong.

Ah, added on the list.

Yeah.

Good pick.

The community bong.

I was going to go bong as well.

That's a very good pick, Hank.

I'm going to go with a shittily made beer pong table somewhere in the middle of the apartment very sticky gross also probably the kitchen table yeah could be the kitchen table but you know i'm thinking yeah doubles i'm thinking of the skinny one you know that everyone like the the rage of the skinny one was like oh it doesn't take up that much space and like, oh, yeah, look, we have a football field table in the middle of the apartment.

It could be made from plywood, like one big plywood that you had at Home Depot.

And then you put it on some chairs.

Could be just a door.

We took a door off the hinges one time.

But it stays up.

And then it stays up.

Yeah.

We used to use the mirrors in Freshenier.

We take the mirror, the big sliding.

What word am I looking for? Closet mirrors. We used to take those doors off, and that was what we'd do.
That's very nice. Yeah.
All right. I'm going to go with a beer bong.
A beer bong that you've just got hanging out all the time. Never put it away.
Usually stays maybe on the TV stand,

just to the side of the TV.

But you're ready for a beer bong at any moment

because you never know.

Right.

You got to be prepared.

You'd rather have a beer bong and not need it

than need a beer bong and not have it.

Right.

Agreed.

Also, some kind of mildew, some kind of mold,

and you're like, ah, I'll be fine. Just pour just pour Everclear down it.
Run hot water through it. Yeah.
I'm going to stick with decor. My mind went to decor when we were doing this Mount Rushmore.
You are interior design is your passion. Yes, yes.
So I'm just going to go with flags. Yeah.
Like no matter American flag, Saturday for the boys flag, frat flag.

Yep.

I don't even know if frat flag was a thing.

I wasn't in a frat.

But I feel like that was good because you could just fill up so much space and be like,

oh, yeah, we did decoration.

There's a flag.

The best was the flag on the ceiling in your bedroom to set the mood.

Yep.

That was good.

Yeah.

Set the mood.

And then the girls had the little the tapestry, the to set the mood. Yep, that was good.
It set the mood. And then the girls had the tapestry,

the weird tapestry things.

Yeah.

The beds with the posts, you're saying?

Yep.

It's ridiculous how much more nicely decorated

girls' apartments are in college than guys.

Oh, yeah, it's not even close.

They're real people.

They get the lights.

Yep.

They get everything.

Yeah, they go to Ikea and spend-

They get the cork boards with shit on it. Yeah, it always smells nice yep they have towels that aren't beach towels in their bathrooms yep and continuing continuing with decor beer case wallpaper yeah love that that was awesome yep everyone would spend like the entire semester being like yo can i get your case can i get your case i'm trying to make something i'm trying to make something i the one year once one year i went to college i i did have the sickest wall yeah my dad gave me uh it was like from an old taco bell drive-through neon sign so that was in the middle of the wall and then it was just beer beer case wallpaper around it there's another remind me you could like see the sign was it was literally like the sign they would have like on the freeway.
So it was massive. So you could like see it from the cafeteria like 500 yards away.
That's awesome. People probably thought that there was a Taco Bell in that room.
Yeah. Yeah.
Good pick. I have something else if I, I would like to table that discussion.
I have something else if it doesn't get picked. Circle back.
Circle back. it me yeah all right i'm going to go with bob marley poster okay bob marley poster it doesn't matter if you like bob marley or not i knew a lot of guys that had bob marley posters that maybe listened to jamming once or twice weren't really fans but it was just the vibe if you had one it's like you're not a cop you're cool the only reason i kept that one off my list was that was a dorm more than apartment i feel like when you graduated to apartment it felt a little different i think more you more flags i think you bring it with you though more flags uh okay i this one who knows how this will play but i mean it's just everyone has the shittiest couch possible.
Like you, I don't remember. My couches were so bad.
I had broken furniture, which is kind of the same thing. And also like two extra couches.
One of the biggest days of my life was when we lived next to a halfway house and we got like the best couch ever that they had discarded of because a drunk guy had pissed all over it. And we're like, fucking fuck yeah, we'll just flip over the cushions.
We'll just clean it. Yeah, this is incredible.
Yeah, I mean, you guys went to college for four years. I went to college for one year and then had three to four years of visiting my friends at college, so I slept on all those couches and they were all horrible also they were all uh like way too big but like in a good way like i felt like every couch we'd get was just so shitty but it would have like three pieces to it and could sit like 10 people deep and big but terrible i miss those shitty couches because you just could you could spill literally you could just spill directly on it And just be like who cares You ever go to like a doctor's office And they've got dorm room furniture in their waiting room That's a sign you should leave that doctor's office Agreed Alright my last two I'm gonna go with Expired food Fuck I thought for sure I was gonna get that with my last peg That.
That's a good one. That's a good one.
All right. Good job.

That's a good job, Hank.

And then similar to Max's decor, sports jerseys hung on the wall.

Yeah.

Okay.

Because sometimes it'll be your favorite team,

but sometimes it'll just be your high school jersey.

Yeah.

And you just put a pin?

Yeah.

You just put two thumbtacks, and then it's like,

I'd be at people's colleges where it's just just, you know, the random kids like hockey high school jerseys.

Yeah.

But a whole wall of them.

Okay.

This last one, I'm going to go with something.

I just doing this Mount Rushmore, doing this exercise, I realized that like it's something that I only had in my life for this short period of time.

Way too many mismatched shot glasses. Just everywhere.
Shot glasses. I don't have shot glasses in my life anymore.
I still have a drawer. You do? And I never use the drawer.
But just like, you know, there's one from spring break. There's one from this bar.
In college, I think if you ask me, like, hey, can we do 50 shots? I'd be like, no problem. I got 50 shot glasses.
None of them match. Guys don't keep diaries.
We just accumulate shot glasses from different places that we've been. Oh, yeah.
I remember when I was down in Acapulco. Yeah, you graduate from shot glasses to golf balls.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's literally the image of a guy learning to walk. Yeah.
I bought some shot glasses the other day, though, in the Boston airport in the Celtics championship. Really? Because the championship, you remember, it's like you only get the one year with all the championship merch.
You get to load up. Yeah.
But it's just like I probably have a couple shot glasses in my house, but I'm talking like, oh, you open it up, and it's just mismatched mugs and a ton of shot glasses. Yeah, some of them have the ones that have the girl in the swimsuit and then her swimsuit fades away when you put liquor in there.

That's a really nice one you can bring out.

Yeah, a couple big ones, big skinny ones that are different colors.

Yeah, you're right.

It's shot glasses to golf balls for guys.

And then women don't really, they just write in a diary.

And then as they get older, sometimes they start to collect spoons. Yeah like when you go to a different city bring back knives a fancy spoon yeah did you guys used to drink boilermakers yep oh shot of vodka dropped into a beer disgusting pretty good oh so bad pretty good okay okay my last pick mount rushmore of things found in college guys apartments my fourth pick will be a random dude a random dude that's staying over maybe a friend of one of the roommates maybe a friend that you met at a party seems like he's got cool vibes he's in town for the weekend doesn't have a place to crash you're like that's fine dude you can crash on our couch no problem okay then you wake up yeah then you wake up in the morning and if it wasn't your guy that you invited over there's just a random guy there yeah random dude i woke up with some random places we went to asu way back in the day oh yeah i remember we were just you know we went out we watched the game you went home i stayed out with these random kids woke up in their dorm to like a pool party i would like this is still one of the weirdest college i would like the graphic to say random dude on the couch you said random no i'd say no but i know no but i would like and that then i described it as a random dude because that's a terrible i described it as a random dude you described it a random it's a random dude you picked around you picked a random dude on the couch i want to know both of your four picks because I have a pick that I think will win it for me, but I want to know your four picks.
What are my four picks? No, I don't care about yours. I want to know your four picks.
Oh. Because there's a...
We could have a chance... Because Hank has done a very good job of this draft.
Yes. And you may have just lost it with random dude.
Random dude on the couch is what I said. I described it as random dude on the couch.
Random dude. And then we said...
Wait, wait, wait. The way that mount rushmore's season is always gone is you have an opportunity to clarify before the next person makes their pick what goes on the graphic am i wrong memes you've regardless i don't think it's a good pick it was it was a way worse all right a random way worse it just says random dude yeah the way you said a random dude was very definitive, but I'm fine with a random dude on the couch.
Yeah, whatever PFT wants, we call it with four minutes. Commish? Commish.
I will abide by memes. What did he say at first? He said a random dude.
All right, that's it. Okay, that's going to be tough.
Hank, what are your four? Did I just... Oh, my God.
Wait, wait, wait. So when you said it, I was...
Is there a chance if it can come in second? When you said it, I was like, what the fuck? And then when you described it, it made sense. But when you said it, I was like, what? Okay, so I will abide by Meme's decision.
I'm a fair sport. What happens if we do tie, Hank? We have to figure that out.
There's a duel. There's a duel on Monday's show.
There's a duel on Monday's show. There's no way.
You got it. What did you take, Hank? I had full-size trash cans, a massive bong, expired food, sports jerseys hung on wall.
I had an almost... Wait, you didn't say sports jerseys hung on wall.
You did. You got that.
Oh. Was that going to be your big pick? No.
Okay. I had an almost empty keg.
I had a beer bong. I had the Bob Marley poster, and then I had a random dude.
Also, not to hate, I just said I spent three years of my life visiting all my friends at different colleges. I don't think I ever saw a keg in there.
You ever saw a keg? Kegs were not like a major, major thing. but that's not a bad i'll defend pft on i had a we had a kegerator so it wasn't usually empty we had a we made an old fridge and that also became the fridge where we just kept like the expired food so it was like the fridge in the old fridge and freezer we converted to a kegerator and then just threw all of our expired food in there if we get in a pinch.
The kegerator was a good idea. I had that too.
I think we inherited it when we moved into our party. Winning in fourth place is impossible.
That also is a niche pick which wouldn't look good on the graphic. Here, I'll just do your last pick and then then we'll do it.
I'm going to say a multiple TV living room. Like that? Yeah.
But they're like... That wasn't my A pick.
Oh, what? What was your A pick? No, that's his pick. That's my pick.
That's my pick. My first honorable mention would be red cups.
Ah. I don't think that was as A as you thought.
You go into any college apartment, there are red cups everywhere. It could be blue.
Well, what if you're... Solo cups? Yeah, what if you're in the Crips? Okay.
What? The reds were better. I feel like the blue ones were always smaller.
Yeah, the red ones were better. You know, the reds were better, obviously.
The one that just popped in my head, which would be hard to describe, because I was thinking about the kegerator because we inherited it, it's something large that you inherited from the guys before. They didn't want to move out.
That was always the bomb. Yeah.
It was always the biggest bong. I can't bring this home to my parents.
I was thinking, did I make a kegerator? I was like, no, it was just the dudes before us couldn't move it out. We also got their TV that was like an old, one of those TVs that weighs like 1,000 pounds.
Yeah, the real deep ones. Yeah.
We had one relatively flat screen and then one super deep. There were different colors, too.
One was gray and one was black, and you just set them up on the table so you can watch two football games at the same time. All right, what else did we miss? I had...
I just had spitters. Spitters.
Oh. I had random workout equipment that's never used, like maybe bum bells.
Do you have dumbbells? Oh, we have dumbbells. Yeah, like dumbbells or like a bench.
But we would use... Before we went out, every time, we would just start doing curls.
And be like, this is what's going to get us chicks tonight. I didn't really know how to word it, but like either hockey sticks, baseball bats, footballs, like just sporting equipment.
I had the random hockey bag that smells like shit. Yep.
Because I had that in our apartment and it was gross. Empty pizza boxes.
Yep. Just on the floor, on the counter on the counter neon neon beer sign that doesn't work yep we had that we're on signs yeah that was that was like a basement thing of like a house though yeah i had a a smoke smoke detector with no batteries in it because it started to give you the low battery beep so you just said okay i don't have a smoke detector anymore and speaker uh george Foreman Grill.
Yep. That was a big mess.
George Foreman Grill for sure. George Foreman Grill.
And the big one where they just, remember when they just kept on making them bigger and bigger? Yeah. And it was like, wait, you're just now selling me an oven, like a burner.
Yeah. So I should just buy a new oven with a stovetop.
I think along those same lines would be one piece of cooking equipment that's way nicer than everything else that you have so you try to cook everything in that thing so if that's an air fryer like one of their parents bought them an air fryer now that we're going to cook everything in the air fryer yeah uh this is very niche but like similar to that a uh uh either plastic a big plastic spoon or spatula that's burnt a little bit so fuck that up it. It was just like melted.
A dented frying pan? Yeah. Everybody had the dented frying pan.
Let's see. A stack of mail.
A stack of mail. That's good.
I had two posters. Oh, shitload of hot sauce.
So many different kinds of hot sauce. Just collect hot sauce.
Oh, what I wanted to say, Max, what were you going to say?

Now continue.

Before we finish, I want to.

Well, I think there's a chance that we get.

I think there's a chance.

I don't know.

I like my picks, but a random dude is going to be tough.

It's a good dude.

That was a mistake.

Yeah. What I was going to say was the- Because Max, you did the beer poster wall.
That is another one where that to me is more like freshman year. And then you graduate to the bottle cap coffee table.
That's the classy version of it. I had that.
Yeah. Yeah.
You go out and you use the coffee table that came with the apartment if it's furnished, but you go out to Home Depot, you get the plexiglass rectangle cutout. And if you have a roommate whose dad was a really handy guy, maybe worked construction, you had the bottle cap beer pong table, which was, whew.
That's crazy. Yeah, that wasn't made by...
That was a summer project with some guy's dad. I had friends that would do it with dip cans, but never actually built it.
They had the idea of like, yo, I'm going to get a ton of dip cans, and then I'm going to make a coffee table out of it, but then never actually going through with any of it. Dude, being a fucking dumbass 20-year-old rocked.
Yeah, it was the best. All this stuff we're describing, I'm phased out of, but I'm just like, that rocked yeah it was the best like all this stuff we're describing i'm so i'm like phased out of but i'm just like i that rocked like we were i was so stupid and and thought i was the man and i wasn't but that rocked did you guys ever have the big plastic jug that you would either keep the bottle caps in or the uh the pop tops from the cans yeah just the tops and then you're like look how many beers i've drank yeah a piss jug or like something this jug yeah something on the wall that you try to snap them into snap the bottle caps into yeah oh like everyone just misses as a target yeah oh speaking of which i feel like a lot of apartments had a dartboard that just didn't work either was like didn't you lost the darts we had a nice dartboard really darts a lot shit like that where it's like we would just have shit and it would be cool in theory and it would just be broken within a day and then it would just sit there big miss on our part a hole in the wall yeah yeah that's a big big miss big miss that could so many random holes in the wall and you're like i'm gonna fix this before i move out and then you have like three hours on move out day that's you're like oh shit does anybody know how to do drywall yeah i think if you guys tie it's it's a duel i think it's a duel and i think it's i think it's a i think max and i come with a mountain rush more than you and yes on them i oh yes how long do we have to get ready no no right away it's instant like we do it but that's an investment.
I think. One minute? This is the.
During the show. No, no, I got it.
I got it. I got it.
I got it. I got it.
I think it should be me, Max, and memes all come up with the Mount Rushmore, and it's a three-game series duel. So they, like, so it's head-to-head, and we'll do a poll at 11.
Best of three? Yeah, best of three. You got to win two out of three.
Oh. Because then we have a little flexibility where someone can't be like, oh, this one was slanted towards me.
It'll be three randoms. None of this is going to matter.
I think there's a good chance it happens. Oh, man.
Hey, what are your picks again? Hey, what are your picks again? I still think you could come in second place, PSG. Yeah, you could.
I think I just threw a pick. It was like the end of that Colts texans game that decided the the rest of the history of the nfl i just threw a big pick at the end of it um with random dude dual hey what was your again yeah i want to know one more time you tell me you tell me what you thought sports jerseys sports jerseys expired food yeah that's rock expired food rocks food rocks.
A massive bong. A massive bong rocks.
And full-size trash cans. Wow.
Full-size trash cans I don't love, but the other three I'm very high on. But for the fourth pick, none of this matters.
Yeah, my pick was so bad. You're right.
You guys patronize me. You're right.
I think Hank's going to win. I think I might come in last place.
This would be awesome. This would be one of my favorite things that's happened on this show.
Big-time fumble at the goal line. You're good.
You're Gucci. Duel.
Duel. Duel.
Duel. Duel.
Duel. You guys having to do Mount Rushmore's off the dome.
That would be so good. We should just do a real duel with paintball guns.
We could do that, too. Gotcha.
All right.

Gotcha.

I watch that clip every couple months, and I just laugh so hard.

It's really good. Shout out, Jake.

He did a great job on the Creators Cup.

He did, yeah.

Jake, I saw Jerry's tweet.

He was dominating the desk.

Yeah, he was.

He was man-spreading with his shoulders.

He was alphan.

Great job, Jake.

All right, let's get to our interview.

We got a college football preview with Brandon Walker and Tom Fernelli, and then we have Joey Chestnut. Fuck.
Random dude. It's a tough one.
Before we get into Tom Fernelli and Brandon Walker, they're brought to you by our great friends over at Coors Light. I love Coors Light.
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And now, here's Tom Fernelli, our college football expert,

and also Brandon Walker.

Okay, we now welcome on our college football expert, Tom Fernelli, and Brandon Walker as well. Go on, sit down.
What are you doing? Sit down. You're not going to shake his hand? This is a real dick bag.
Sit down and talk in the mic. We're recording.
Brandon, get on the mic. It's a podcast.
It's a podcast. We're recording.
We have our college football expert, Tom Frinelli, Brandon Walker here. Talking to Mike, Brandon.
We want to do a big-time college football preview. Brandon, welcome to Pardon My Take.
You've never recorded in this studio before. Five years I've been waiting to do this.
Well, you think we were – Tom's been on the show ten times. I know.
I figured you could use my experience. I can help you out, show you the ropes about how you talk college football on this show.
I do well talking college football. First of all, it's good to meet you.
It's good to meet you. You and I have gone back and forth many times on Twitter.
What do you guys go back and forth about? Oh, nothing. We just get in the mix a little bit together, right? We just talk ball.
Is Brandon a Tom Reply guy? No, no. Tom's more of a Brandon Reply guy than I am a Tom Reply guy.
guy yeah but we had the bowl game against each other and that kind of really fueled the oh yeah the Illinois Illinois so Brandon did you think there was going to be a twist I that's that shows how stupid I am not once did I consider you kind of maybe I'm gonna I'm an egomaniac because I was like oh yeah it's about goddamn time it's about time and not And not once did I think they're luring me into something. Yeah.
Tom is our number one college football person. He is.
He is. You've never really given anybody else a chance.
I know Andy Sable's got chances. Yeah, if you need to know what chalupa to get in Oklahoma City, that's your guy.
But we're talking ball. I don't think they're saying chalupa.
Tom talks ball. Stillwater then, whatever.
i just want to make sure you know this was my idea they had nothing to do it yeah that's true they asked me to come on again like they always do i know both these sons of bitches this was not your idea no my idea i can show you the text yeah this is tom listen this was all you you got you got outflanked i said i want brandon on with me well well done tom that's what listen we done, Tom. Listen, we got the two best college football minds sitting on the couch.

Exactly.

This is going to be great.

I want to get into it.

Let's start with takes.

I can't fucking believe.

I walked in here and not what's in my mind.

I go, I wonder who's sitting on that couch.

No.

Don't fuck. All right.
Go. Go.
Sorry. I heard in my takes number one college football.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
I guess let's start with the playoff and we'll work our way backwards. Do you guys want to do a playoff draft in front of us? Are you a playoff guy? I am.
I think this is a day that's a long time coming for college football. Anybody that says college football is worse off for the playoff is lying or just grifting or something because more seats at the table is good for everybody, and it doesn't diminish the regular season.
Excuse me. It doesn't diminish the regular season.
Tom's never done that. It's a mistake.
It doesn't diminish it at all. It makes us have way more games that matter in November.
I love the playoff but can't you argue that like florida state losing to georgia tech on saturday is already kind of diminished because a couple years ago that loss completely fucks their season it makes it even more fun whereas now no immediate reaction is herbie getting on twitter it's not because oh but you could still get in their every game means more in the their season is absolutely fucked now that They could still win the game. No, we're not talking technicalities.
That team that played on Saturday is not a playoff team in a four-team format, a 12-team format, a 30-team format. That's not a playoff team.
That's an average football team we saw. I don't know if I'd call it average.
I don't think it looked good, that's for sure. Like, I don't think – If that wasn't average, what is? We agree that Florida State should not have been the 10th best team in the country as far as the NBA.
Anybody who looked at that team and voted them to be in the playoff or be number 10 should not have a vote. But the preseason votes are always bullshit.
But when I look at the rest of the ACC, I don't think Florida State's a team that can't win the ACC already. If they get bullied, and I mean absolutely bullied at the point of attack by some tech.
How many teams have Georgia Tech's offensive line? Clemson's going to be able to bully him clemson you're arguing clemson has a great offensive i know i'm saying clemson as a whole team is a bully team i think clemson's defensive line will be able to bully florida state's offensive line which also didn't get any push after that first drive dabbo's not a bully he's not even taking calls on his radio show he got bullied by tyler from spartanburg no no no he responded well to that why by? By shutting him out? By censoring free speech? He stood up. Davos got that drip.
Which team am I describing right now? Bad quarterback who's been around for a while. We know exactly who he is.
Questionable offensive line. Questionable receivers.
Questionable defensively in the second. I think you're attempting to describe Clemson, right? And who? Florida State.
Florida State, yeah. You really don't know college football no I just I just told him exactly who he was thinking about but Clemson here's my thing about Clemson I know Cade wasn't great last year I really know he wasn't great DJ we've seen him not be great at multiple spots and game against Notre Dame and people still thought people still thought DJ could do it Cade I think second year in a system with Garrett Riley guys can get better from year to year if they stay in the same system.
If you transfer every year, you're not getting better. But I think Cade is in a spot where he could improve.
Do you guys... Drew Adler's the same way, by the way, in the Big Ten.
Yeah, which I disagree on that. Do you think Dabo will ever go to the transfer portal? Yes.
You think he'll have to eventually... I think he's going to have to, yeah.
It's crazy that he's not. He just...
Do they have a single transfer? No, it's them in the three services. They lost a couple.
Yeah, they lost a couple. They didn't gain a couple.
Can't tell me Caleb Downs can't help them? But don't you think he's got an opportunity? Probably could. Yeah, probably could.
I don't think he has the opportunity to be the counterculture to the transfer portal. Because if he's getting guys out of high school and actually developing them in the face of everybody else going the easy way.
But he's got to win first. But hold on.
Opportunity exists. Do I think he could pull it off? No.
But hold on. There's two ways to use the transfer portal.
You could do the Lane Kiffin where you just get a new team every year, the Deion Sanders, or like an Ohio State who's like, hey, we've got a couple holes. Let's fill the three or four holes that we have.
How could you not want to do that? So that can work. It absolutely can work.
It also not work. Like Florida State did that this year.
But depth is never a problem, especially with how many games they've got to play now. I just think in the era of college football, everybody's going to the portal.
Everybody's going to the cupboard. And I think Dabo has been a full of shit guy his whole career.
He is not full of shit about this. He's living exactly what he's saying.
And I think it could work. He's got a sophomore class that last year took some lumps on that defensive line, especially.
I think they're going to be loaded this year. We'll just start with the ACC because we're already talking about it.
If it's not Florida State or Clemson, is it Miami? Yeah, Miami. It fucking better be.
Miami's roster is loaded. Is the seat warm for Cristobal? I feel like he's still got anything less than 9-3.
I think the seat's warm. Yeah, I would agree with that.
I mean, I'm with himmson winning the acc i was just trying to make a point i have clemson winning the acc too oh wow i do think receiver wise they're going to be better than they were last year so this guy's just baiting me no that was a podcast it was a thought exercise yeah you can't just all agree on everything no no obviously obviously like if dabo is if he's able to do this without using transfer portal that would be incredible in this day and age. He's had resounding success before, but this is a new style of college football.
This is a new way to build a team. And it seems to me like if he's not willing to go to the portal, then he's just going to lose players over the years.
I think Dabo can win the ACC without using the portal because I don't think the ACC is that good. I think is a three-team league and then there are you know good teams there's the nc states there's your virginia tax but those aren't like teams and i'm looking at as title contenders i think he can win the acc but without using the portal when he gets to the playoff i think they're probably going to get their ass yeah yeah they don't have the depth to compete with those other teams so i think that when you look at what clemson has been the last few years there have been obvious holes on that roster you knew going in they could use help like everybody needs help on the offensive line they don't exist in the portal for the most part but you knew they needed help at wide receiver they never went after him it could have made a huge difference on Coleman offense yeah you could have gone after Keon Coleman I don't know if you already could dunk in shorts or in jeans but like I think that that is the one aspect that really is going to cut him short.
And I think that if they keep failing, he will change his approach. He will realize, I need to do something if I want to get to the title game.
Yeah. What's up, Hank? Are you just putting Tom's mic closer? Oh, my bad.
I like that. No, you're good.
Good producing, Hank. I'll just swallow it like Brandon is like this.
No, that's how you do it. He didn't have a second lunch.
I'm just saying, like, the mics in my studio don't have to be this close. Megan brought me banana pudding.
Okay, so you did have your second lunch. What about Dark Horse? In the ACC or completely? Well, I was going to throw you out one and then get your reaction.
Go ahead. Virginia Tech Hokies.
I don't know if they're Dark Horse. I think they're getting a lot of love.
They bring 18 of 22 starters back. They got Kyron Drones, a good quarterback.
I actually don't like them as much as most people that's why I like Vanderbilt my plus 13 and a half this weekend um they bring back 18 starters off a team that went six and six like this isn't they didn't go nine and three uh I think they're pretty good I like NC State a little bit more than uh than Virginia Tech you did just mention Cade Klubnick in the second year under an offensive coordinator can improve did you not I? I did. I think Kyron Jones in his second year as a starter can improve.
And I think Kyron Jones, between his size, his arm, and his mobility. I watched a lot of their tape last year, and he took over for Grant Wells, who got hurt.
He becomes a starter. He transfers for Baylor.
He was kind of eh at the start of the season, as you'd expect a kid without much experience. But as the year went on and they got more familiar with what his strengths were and what he could do, that started getting pretty damn good towards the end of the season they've got a couple good running backs they've got good receivers the offensive line i thought was okay that is the one of the bigger hindrances i think for that team whether that can take a step forward defensively they got a couple guys i don't think they're spectacular but i do think in the acc whereas we're talking about clemson florida state miami after that there's a whole hell of a lot of room.
I do think Tech could take advantage of that because when you look at what they have with the experience with the quarterback and with a schedule that I think is kind of friendly, all things considered, they could be in the hunt for like an ACC championship game appearance. And there's always Beamer ball just kind of like, you know, if they block a punt, it's Beamer ball.
So anything that happened basically between like 95 and 02, if it happens again, it just goes back to them. Beamer ball.
Yeah, if they do anything that's outside of regular offense and defense, it's Beamer ball. If they block a punt, it's game over.
It just goes back to anything you saw five or ten years ago. DJ's good game against Notre Dame.
He's always that guy. He was incredible.
Virginia Tech will always have a speedy guy that will recruit from the track team to just stand on the edge for field goals and just run as fast as you can at the holder. Beamer ball.
Yeah. I had a thought, and I want you guys to – we'll jump to the Big 12, which is, I think, going to be the funnest conference to watch because it just feels like there's, I don't know, six, eight teams that could win it.
The Big Ten.

Oh, no.

The Big 12. Utah 55-1.
Is that crazy?

To win the national title?

I know they're probably not going to win the national title.

No, that's crazy. Okay, but hear me out.

Hear me out. I know they're not going to win the national title.

If they win the Big 12, they could potentially get

the three or four seed.

And they could be by already.

You got your first game. Say they get the four seed and they play the five seed maybe it's notre dame yeah that's a that's a coin flip game and yeah you're basically betting on cam rising being not injured for the entire year which is not a great bet but i don't know i it's more of a i don't think they're a national title i think i'd get in a spot where i could maybe hedge yeah if you you want to get in a hedge spot I mean they are they have the lowest odds to make the playoff of any Big 12 team so I mean they could get to the playoff and they could put you in a hedge spot.
I personally don't like them that much. I don't like them as much as most people like them this year.
Who do you like in the Big 12? Kansas State. That's what everyone loves.
Who do you like? Kansas State. Let me throw this idea at you.
I've thrown it out there on Twitter and everything. But Utah's main advantage in the Pac-12 was when they would play USC and UCLA and Arizona State and all those.
They had a distinct physicality advantage, and they could bully those teams. Now, most of the Big 12, you probably can do that too, but you ain't doing that to Kansas State.
They don't play them in the regular season. And you're not doing that to Oklahoma State, who they have to Stillwater I know that's their toughest game they're not bullying those teams and that was their big advantage it wasn't a talent advantage it was a toughness advantage and that's gone now that's why I like Kansas State to win it more than I like Utah and the other side of that like offensively they were still very physical last couple years defensively you could yeah Utah around all right so I won't do it it's also the Cam Rising thing makes me nervous.
I love Cam Rising, but he's been hurt a lot. He's been hurt.
A lot. All right, so other teams, because there are a ton of teams in the Big 12.
I had eight that could win it as well. So list them.
So Kansas State, Oklahoma State, Utah are the three at the top. I think Iowa State's right behind those.
UCF? I don't have UCF in the group. I got Kansas in the group, but that's entirely based on defense coming a long way and Jalen Daniels staying healthy.
I think West Virginia sneaks in that group. You don't think West Virginia sneaks in that group? You think the defensive losses are too much? I just think that last year they took advantage of some quarterback injuries in some close games, and I think that this year there could be a comeuppance for it.
You got to dismiss Kansas real quick there. No, I just...
Brushed them off. I didn't brush them off.
I put them in the group, but again, Jalen Daniels has never played a full season healthy. And if he doesn't, they don't have a chance.
Yeah. They don't have a Jason being this year behind him.
And also I think another thing that's under discussed too, is Andy Kotelnicki, their offensive coordinator has left to take over at Penn state. How does that offense look without him with a new play caller there? If Jalen Daniels goes down, cause that was one of the things that really impressed me about Kotel Nikki was the last couple years with Daniels not being available the way he was able to keep things going at the pace that they were with Bean and it was just really impressive so I don't know I think the thing about the Big 12 is my hot take about the Big 12 is that nobody is coming out of that league with fewer than three losses yeah I think it's going to be so they're going to be four nine and one big league one big league yeah for sure interesting i think i in my playoff i had two teams i had oklahoma state and

kansas state making it like i hard to get two in there you don't even have utah making i don't

have utah making it because their schedule is not tough schedule is not that tough i just think

their their advantages they had over the pack 12 are gone and i think i like kansas state better i

like i like oklahoma state better they do have like a gen x quarterback and alan bowman which

kind of worries me he's been around yeah he's seven years brandon whedon yeah so i

I don't know. I like Kansas State better.
I like Oklahoma State better. They do have a Gen X quarterback in Alan Bowman, which kind of worries me.
He's been around a very long time. Yeah, he's seven years.
He's Brandon Whedon, yeah. I think my concern about Oklahoma State is it's a Mike Gundy team, so you expect a certain level of competence.
I just worry that they're too dependent on Ollie Gordon. And Ollie Gordon got so many touches last year.
And you come back, and if you're trying to rely on him to that same level, we've seen running backs break down. What happens if Ollie Gordon suffers an injury? That's a team whose season can go down.
And his punishment for the DUI is 100 carries, right? Yeah. Mike Gundy said that.
He's beneficial to the team. Yeah, he's going to give him more work.
That'll teach him. I want us to defend Mike Gundy here.
I was drunk driving here today. I don't think it's that big of a deal.
I saw your park drive. Does Gundy have the disease or the syndrome that when when he's hyped up and good they never live up to it and when he's not hyped up and good that's when they sneak out 10 wins i think there's definitely a correlation they never deliver when they're the the favorite that's mike tomlin yeah yeah college mike tomlin yeah there's so many similarities between those.
All right, so let's talk Big Ten. Obviously, Ohio State is the favorite.
They have what? That's the best Ohio State team on paper in a long time. Yeah.
I think Oregon's going to be very, very good. Yeah.
Well, I mean, you're talking about number two and number three. I understand, but who else? I know Brandon's high on Penn State.
Yeah. He's a Drew Aller apologist.
Guy had 29 touchdowns and two interceptions. He just couldn't beat Michigan and Ohio State last year.
I don't think that's that big of a sin. With no receivers on his team, by the way.
I am not a Drew Aller hater by any stretch of the means. But I think part of the reason he didn't throw any interceptions is because he never took any chance.
Yeah. And that's kind of like the Shadur situation withado where it's like everybody talks about how he didn't turn the ball over it's like we would wait till the guy was wide open before throwing it i think he needs to get a bit more aggressive but i do think to your point part of that was penn state's receivers last year were so bad that like they really weren't getting any separation and i don't know if they have fixed that as far as personnel wise but going back to andy koticki, like when he was at Kansas, it's not like he was working with four- and five-star players everywhere up and down that roster.
He was able to scheme guys open and get the plays there. So if he's able to bring what he had at Kansas to Penn State, I do think Penn State is a team that could take kind of that last step that they've been missing.
And now that we – they don't have to take that step. The step came to them.
Yeah, yeah. They couldn't get in a four-team playoff, but over the last...
They'll be in it every year. They would have made six out of the last nine years they would have made 12-team playoff.
But can they win? That's the thing, though, because they've been losing to Michigan. They've been losing to Ohio State.
So the argument would be, had the playoff existed for the last 10 years, Penn State would have been there six times. How many games would they have won while they were there? I think that Kotelnicki could get them to a spot where they could beat Michigan, beat Ohio State, and win a playoff.
Fair enough. They finished what? If you look at their aggregate ranking and then divide it by the number of years, I think they average out about they would be the eight and a half seed.
If they make the playoffs as a 10 seed, that actually feels like a win for James Franklin, right? It feels better if you're in the playoff as opposed to what it's been in the past, which is being number eight in the country, coming on strong at the end of the year. You lose a couple of very blatant nationally televised games that rub salt in the wound.
At the end of the season, you're like, damn, we were almost really good. Now you can be almost really good, and it's actually better than it was before.
Yeah, finishing eighth in a four-team table doesn't work. Finishing 10th at a 12-team table you've got a seat you that's a win yeah but what we'll see is we'll see a change in expectation like the talk now with james franklin whether you're talking to penn state fans who don't like him or just you know national media consensus can't win the big game we're going to see coaches who are now getting to the playoff and we're saying well it would help james franklin's reputation huge if they'd gotten to the playoff all these years.
But once you get there and you don't win anything, it's going to quickly turn into, well, we've got to get ourselves a coach who can win a playoff game. So it's a double-edged sword.
I also think the firing line is changing too because now that 12-team playoff, if you finish 14th, that hot seat's a lot quicker. It is crazy too the expectations when you consider the fact that coaching in this college football season, there's only three coaches that have won a national title.
Yeah. Which is nuts.
Yeah. Well, they even hogged them all.
Yeah. But it's Kirby, it's Dabo, and it's Mack Brown.
That's it. Yeah.
So that's the expectation. I wonder how many casual fans would be able to name the third.
Yeah. I think everybody would get Kirby and they would get Dabo, but I think a lot of fans would be like, shit, I don't know who the third person is.
Right, and so that's the expectation. That's one of the best gigs in college football, I think.
Yeah. The expectations are very low compared to what they were at Texas.
But you're expecting out of everyone something that three guys have. Yeah.
Which is nuts. Hard to do.
Yeah, hard to do. I got a question about Ohio State.
So I've come around a little bit. I'm not the biggest Will Howard guy.
I do think he's like a tough gamer. He's a Kansas State quarterback.
He's not going to light it up throwing it, but he'll make the big plays, get the big first downs. Is there any concern that Ohio State is built to pound teams running the – they're almost built like Michigan last year.
They're built exactly like Michigan last year. But Chip Kelly's the OC.
So is there any concern that that doesn't fully match up? No, I think it matches up perfectly. They have the best running back room in the country.
Chip Kelly coached Oregon eight years. They led the Pac-12 in rushing eight times.
He coached at UCLA seven years. They finished first or second seven times.
They're times they're going to run run run and what did Michigan ask J.J. McCarthy to do last year I'm not saying how good he is what they ask him to do not much throw for 150 yards and a key throw here and there hand the ball off and that's what Ohio State's going to ask Will Howard to do I think I and yeah because that's the only concern with them is if he if he gets in a game where he has to throw it deep a bunch, that's not Will Howard.

My concern, I think there are Will Howard questions because we haven't seen him in an offense like Ohio State's,

but I do think that Ohio State's offense will look a lot different,

like we're saying.

It's going to look more along the lines of Will Howard,

which is why they went and got him because Kyle McCord,

I think if you look at McCord versus Will Howard talent-wise,

there's really not a huge disparity.

It's just Will Howard can run.

Right.

And for a Chip Kelly offense, I think that's important.'s important my biggest concern with Ohio State will be the offensive line I don't know if they have the line to run the ball as effectively as they want and if Will Howard is not giving you that kind of vertical passing threat then defenses don't have to respect it then it could become more difficult for them to run it's just I think talent wise you look at the rest of the big 10 i don't know how often it's gonna yeah the the every time we talk about ohio state there has to be a disclaimer that the nitpicking we're doing is just based on winning a national it's the most talented it's not country yeah what could go wrong there's no there's yeah it's it's can they win a national title that's the only question question. The offensive line certainly is, if you had to list a concern,

it might be on there, but that defense is going to be lights out.

That's going to be the best defense.

The fact they added Caleb Downs.

Yeah, it's going to be insane.

It will be just as good as Michigan's defense was last year.

Yeah.

You want 15 seconds to talk about Illinois, Tom?

Illinois is going to go bowling.

They are going to get to at least six wins, probably seven.

I think they might have one of the best offensive

lines in the Big Ten. I think they got

J.C. Davis, who is a left tackle from New Mexico.

You can't find offensive linemen in the

portal. Illinois found one.
He'll be an NFL draft

pick. I think offensively,

they will look a lot like the Brett teams you

used to from Wisconsin.

No, no, no.

I'm going to

seed my Wisconsin time. We'll give three seconds to Mississippi State so that way we can name all the national titles they've won.
Well, how many has Illinois won? Five. No.
How many real ones? Five. Okay.
Don't pee on my leg. How many conference titles has Mississippi State won? Oh, we had one, buddy.
We had one. You ever heard of World War II? We won one in the height of it.
Whenever it was off the line. All the manliestliest men were playing college.
Correct. Yeah.
1941. Look it up.
Long story short Illinois offense good. Illinois defense offense good.
Neutral site game. Lost Jim Leonard.
Your quarterback couldn't go to the playoffs at Starville High School. Our quarterback.
We had a backup last year throwing for 500 yards a game man. What are you talking about? Neutral site game Illinois Mississippi State.
What's What's the spread? Oh, Illinois by 30. Mississippi State is going to be really bad this year.
We've only played once, right? I think that was the only time we played. Yeah, only time.
And Mississippi State won that one. So we own you forever for the rest of time.
Until we meet in the playoffs. What a sad couple of teams to argue with each other.
Me and Brandon just sitting there like, oh, yeah, well. Yeah, fuck you.
Seven wins, maybe. Two midgets and a dunk contest over here.

We've been to four bowl games the last 10 years.

How about you?

How many games is Mississippi State going to win?

Five, six.

Wait, so back to the Big Ten real quick.

If it's not Oregon and Ohio State.

It would have to be Penn State, I think.

Could it still be Michigan?

Yes.

No.

Why not?

100% no.

Why?

How?

I'll let you go first.

You are a Michigan hater.

You just talked about how Michigan last year didn't ask its quarterback to do anything, and they still won a national title. And now the one thing I hear hammered over the head about why Michigan's going to be bad is, well, who's the quarterback? If Alex Orgy, who is a giant man who's very fast, is able to throw the football at any rate, if he can just be Will Howard, I don't see any reason why Michigan can't be as good as Ohio State because defensively, Michigan's still just as good as Ohio State.
They have three first-round picks on that defense. They might have two top-five picks.
And the offensive line, I think, is a huge question. No, no, it's bigger than a huge question.
But the offensive line last year suffered a whole bunch of injuries, and that really did not stop them from mauling people and winning a national title.

Sharon Moore, he has somewhat of a history of being an offensive line coach.

I am not worried about them developing a line.

It could be a slow start, but Michigan, to me, is one of those teams that in September,

they might look kind of meh.

But by the time you get to November, when that stuff starts gelling,

they might be a really good team who's going to be like the momentum dark horse in the playoff. Maybe, but Texas early, Oregon in the middle, Ohio State late.
That's three losses, I feel like. Are you that confident in Texas on the road in Ann Arbor? Not as much, but I do favor Texas to beat Michigan there.
Listen, I think you really are sanding over the offensive line. This was the best offensive line in the country last year.
Address the allegations of sanding over. It was way allegations of sanding over.
Did you sand over it? You sandpapered over that. I have not sanded over the offense.
First of all, Michigan's offensive line is made of sandpaper, so how the fuck can you sand over it? You can sandpaper over sandpaper. That's like iron sharpens iron.
I think you start a fire if you do that. Yeah.
We actually gassed them up.

So Michigan's offensive line is on fire.

They're going to die in a fire.

Yes.

And I don't think they're going to be as good.

But Alex George is so good he doesn't need an offensive line. You're half as good at running back as you were last year.

And listen, I know.

No, no, no, no.

Half as good at running back.

Blake Corham was getting three yards a carry.

I shit on J.J. McCarthy a lot.

But you had a guy.

They had a lot going on off the field.

A lot going on.

A lot of distractions.

They're going to have the same damn distractions this year.

I won't J.J. McCarthy a lot, but you had a guy, they had a lot going on off the field.
A lot going on, a lot of distractions. They're going to have the same damn distractions this year.
Yeah, they will. No, they definitely won't.
You cannot say those are going to be the same. They just received the notice of allegations, but they've got some more.
Nothing's going to come from them. Having Connor Stallions happen in the middle of the season, it will not even, it won't pale in a comparison.
You don't have a veteran quarterback to get you through it. You don't have the great offensive line to get you through it.
You don't have the veteran coach to get you through it, even though he was not on the sidelines. He was getting them through it.
Now you've got a rookie head coach doing it. I just think this is- Who beat Ohio State.
Not a rookie. He did coach last year.
There's so much. There's so much.
He has more wins over Ohio State and Penn State than 80% of the coaches in the Big Ten. I'm not saying they're falling off to 6-6 level, but I think they're going 9-3.
Michigan goes 9-3 against that schedule. They'll get in the playoffs.
I don't know. We don't know what's going to be around them.
They'll get in. We don't know what's around them.
We don't know what's around them. They'll get in.
They go 9-2 into Columbus. They get beat by 40 points.
You think they're getting in? No, but they're not going to get beat by 40 points. Address the allegation that they got half as good at running back.
Are you talking about just based on touchdowns? They had the best running back room in the country last year. They bring one back.
One's in the NFL. Yeah, but the one they bring back is not as injured as he was.
He's damn good. He's really good.
He's damn good. But do you think they can win the Big Ten? Yes.
Do you honestly think they can win the Big Ten? I think Brandon is a known Michigan hater. In fact, when Brandon talks about Michigan, there should be a blinking sign on the screen saying Michigan haters thoughts.
And then they should all be. This team is not as talented on paper as Ohio State and Oregon.
Dave's been pretty mean to him, though, so I get it. No, Dave's very mean to him.
Yeah, I get it. This team is not as talented as Ohio State and Oregon on paper.
No, on paper. They don't play the games on paper.
Ohio State was more talented than them last year. Yeah.
They don't play the games on paper. Got this shit.
I mean, Michigan was pretty damn talented. Brandon, they don't play the games on paper.
Now say sandpaper. You just talked about sandpaper.
Let's sandpaper over that. Oregon.
We didn't talk about Oregon. They're really good.
Dylan Gabriel's the man. Oh, wait! Wait! Time out! Brandon and I were in the car together when he was convinced that Dylan Gabriel was going to Mississippi State.
You guys drive to work together? All the time. I don't know where we were going, but he was like, it's going to be announced any second.
And as he was saying that, Dylan Gabriel to Oregon. So he's got a little bit of Dylan Gabriel bias.
I think he's a good quarterback. I think him as the Heisman favorite is a little bit too much.
Agreed. That's fine.
I will say we interviewed while we were in Indianapolis, the Cover 3 podcast and we interviewed gabriel we're a large podcast he was the smallest one of the five of us on the show that's a tiny man yeah he's not a big guy it's kind of startling when you see him in person how small he is so if he goes down they have dante moore who transferred in from ucla he's a high highly touted kid out of high school all he did was throw picks yeah and he he like wanted to go to oregon so he could sit because that was like his goal he wants to develop and become a better qb if they're forced to go to him if gabriel goes down that could be tough for them and i also they've suffered a couple like low-key injuries on the offensive line and camp that are somewhat concerning but again it's kind of like with ohio state earlier it's your nitpicking this is a very talented team that will probably win a lot of games. Okay, what about Washington? Belichick's coached in Washington.
Yeah, not very good. They lost everything.
You know, I bought Hank a Washington t-shirt, and he didn't even fucking thank me for it. No.
That's classic Hank. I know.
They lost everything, and Jed Fish didn't get anything with him. Listen, nobody is a more experienced watcher of Will Rogers football than I am.
I know. I was going to say you've lived through this.
I i have lived through this and it's just not it ain't happened it's he can't throw the ball more than 10 yards down the field i don't expect he'll start much if he even starts the year maybe he'll start three or four games but washington just too much talent has gone and too much uh the conference is too hard they're going into like six and six seven and five that's what i'm thinking yeah yeah i i don't think washington's gonna be very good this year i think. I think Hank's getting in on the ground floor, so that way you can't call him a bandwagon fan.
I'm high on USC. I know that's stupid.
No, it's not. No, it's not.
Miller Moss is fantastic, and that receiver room is as good as anybody in the country. It's the defense.
But it's going to be a lot better. Because Alex Grinch doesn't exist there anymore.
He's the safeties coach at Wisconsin now. I mean, that's the thing.
Can't fuck that up too bad. Their defense doesn't have to be good.
Like Lincoln Riley. It's not missed tackles.
Yeah, Lincoln Riley's Oklahoma defenses weren't what you would consider good. Yeah.
But they were just good enough. Like, I think that if the defense improves and can tackle and just be kind of below average.
Well, hold on, hold on. They brought in Lynn for the bowl game.
They were better in the bowl game immediately. Lincoln Riley's Oklahoma defenses were also playing in the Big 12.
USC's going to be playing in the Big 10. Oh, that's right.
The home of all those great offenses. I think there's some fine offenses in the Big 10.
It's Illinois name one. Yeah, I thought Brandon was doing a bit there.
Ohio State, Oregon, those are not good offenses? We're just pretending those are not good offenses? They are. They are.
But it's not. They can get to eight, nine wins.
Ohio State is probably going to run the ball down the throat. Yes.
I mean, the Big 12, the comparable spot in the Big 12 is, you know, Texas Tech is the same level as, like, I don't know. No, not even Iowa.
Illinois, Indiana. The Big 12 has better offenses.
Y'all don't think coming into the Big 10 is going to be a shock for that defense? I think it's going to be. No, I think that they might actually be better equipped for it because they're going to see more run than they were in the Pac-12.
In the Pac-12, they were getting. But they couldn't stop the run, Tom.
They couldn't stop the run or the pass. Yeah, but UCLA could stop the run.
When you only have to worry about one, it becomes easier to do the other. But they got UCLA's defense coordinator.
UCLA was ucla's defense was very good last but they well to back up his point d'anton lynn who was at ucla last year his defensive line was much better yeah that's true he's inheriting at usc but i do think like just coaching wise because i don't think the problem specifically with usc last year was talent like i don't think they had top tier talent on defensive side of the ball. I thought that was a poorly coached team who clearly did not work on tackling in practice during the season, and it showed on Saturdays.
I think there is going to be very much a philosophical change in how they approach that side of the ball, and that alone I think will lead to some... Again, the bowl game was, you could see it right away.inch didn't get that job as long as he did was foul practice on Lincoln's part.

And they got bigger guys. Andy Staples taught us that.

It matters.

I'm not familiar with Mr. Staples.

You want big guys playing defensive line.

Fair enough.

SEC. I know you

disagree with this, Brandon, but I

and this is not a hot take because

it's still Alabama, but I think Alabama's, I think Jalen Millen was going to be awesome in Kaelin DeBoer's offense. Yeah, I don't.
I just think. Why? It took, and I know.
What does Kaelin DeBoer do? I'm not comparing Kaelin DeBoer and Tommy Reese. I'm not.
What I'm saying is it took Tommy Reese and that offensive staff about a month to figure out how to best utilize Jalen Millen. You had to work around his deficiencies.
You had to work around the fact that he can't really throw the ball. They had to work around it, and they did.
They figured it out. But once they got to the playoff and played in Michigan, he was terrible again.
He just didn't do anything. I mean, they were a snap away from – That's fine.
It certainly wasn't thanks to Jalen Milrow the way he played. I think Jalen Milrow is a challenge for offensive coordinators, and I think if they had a better quarterback, I would be a lot higher on Alabama.
Okay. I just think Kalen DeBoer is a great coach.
He is. And what does he do? He schemes it up, especially deep balls with Jalen Milrow.
That is what he's a lead at. What? Jalen Milrow good at deep balls? Deep balls.
He can throw deep balls. He can't throw anything in the middle of the field.
He can physically throw it that far, but he knows where it's going. I've seen him throw good deep balls.
You don't think he's good? No, he's not good at deep balls. I watched a lot of Alabama games last year.
I saw everything that you guys have seen. He chucks the ball deep.
He had receivers capable of running under it. They were not exactly accurate.
But he can't throw in the middle can't throw. If you were to highlight one thing that he's better at than other things.

Deep running.

Running.

I'm talking about throwing the ball.

It would probably be a deep ball.

For sure.

Yeah, because if you throw a deep ball and somebody goes and gets it,

it looks like a good throw.

He can't throw it.

Don't put a spy on him.

If you try to use Jalen Melrose to run the Michael Penix offense,

it's going to fall apart.

Well, yeah.

Not Michael Penix.

It's going to fall apart. But he can run a lot better than Michael Penix.
Kalen DeBoer is a great coach, and I think that over the long haul, Alabama's going to be pretty damn good under DeBoer as long as they give him a chance and they don't overreact. That's the problem.
Yeah. But you aren't going to see the Washington offense you saw last year at Alabama with Jalen Milrow because he had Michael Penix and three NFL receivers yeah Alabama doesn't have that they've got Jalen Milrow who is a chance to be a good college quarterback but I do not think like I think the completion percentage on those deep balls last year is really carrying a lot of weight more than the actual throws 12 touchdowns one interception on deep balls deep balls it's hard to throw an interception on the's who he is.
He can't throw in the middle of the field. Jalen Miller firmly falls in that category, and there are a bunch of teams across the country that have this, where you talk about their quarterback, and you just say, Jalen Millrow is Jalen Millrow.
That's fine. That's what you're looking at this season.
I'm cover three. We call them Jag pluses.
Jag pluses, okay. I like that.
Yeah, that's good. Just a guy.
Just a little bit more than just a guy. Do you have someone like that? You don't even know what it is.
You just said you like it. No, just a guy.
Jag plus. I use Jag a lot, but I can't use Jag plus.
That's copyrighted. Copyrighted.
Bud will sue you. He is a lawyer.
No, I know. So you don't think Alabama's going to be good? No, no, no.
I didn't say that. It sounds like you said that.
I think Alabama will be solid, but I think the second they lose to Tennessee and Knoxville, the second they lose a game that that fan base isn't expecting to lose,

they can lose to Georgia, fine.

But if they lose to Tennessee and Knoxville,

that fan base is going to melt down, freak out,

and I'm not sure Kalen DeBoer will be able to right that ship this year.

I think in the SEC, there's not enough air to go around to support everybody that thinks they're a contender this year.

And somebody's going by the wayside.

But everyone is still in it.

In what sense?

The 12-team playoff. The 12-team playoff.
But there's eight fan bases in the SEC that think they're going to the playoff this year. Eight of them.
Half the SEC. Who's the most delusional? Ole Miss? Mississippi State.
No, first of all, we know exactly what we're getting into this year. No, you said five wins, then you said six, then you said five.
You don't know exactly. Five, six, and five, the average is five and a half.
What? I'm right around it. Okay? Ole Miss I don't think is delusional because I think that roster is very good.
But as far as delusional. But Ole Miss is very similar where they kind of like the Penn State.
They can't beat the good teams. Yeah.
Lane Kovac has not won those games yet. They can't.
But God damn, they went out and got a lot of help. Yeah, I know they did.
But they also, it wasn't like they were blowing out everyone else either last year. No, they didn't.
They were in some scary ones. They didn't really.
They had the one good win over LSU who finished 9-3. That was the end of the game.
That was 51-45. Could have gone either way.
But, again, Lane saw every deficiency they had and addressed it with a big-time transfer portal. It wasn't like he just went out and got guys for the sake of getting them.
He got Walter Nolan to plug the defensive line. He got Prince Lee.
So you think this might be the year for Ole Miss? And Mintz already said they're in the college football playoff. I don't care.
He's cross-eyed. Here's the thing about Ole Miss, and this is true about Mississippi State too, and I said it earlier about another team, but every time there's high expectations on a team in Mississippi, it never works.
It has never worked. We only do well coming from the back.
I hope. I think they're a great team.
I think they're a top 10 team. I hope they're not.
I hope they fall, but I think they are. I think that playoff is a realistic expectation for Ole Miss.
I do think it's going to be difficult. I do think one of the more interesting aspects of following the SEC now that Texas and Oklahoma are in the league is that somebody's going to have to be losing these games.
Correct. Georgia has a gauntlet of a skill.
There's not enough oxygen to support everybody. Have you used that line before? It's my line for this year.
That's a congestive heart failure thing. It's very common.
When you're already a league that has like five teams that consider themselves legit national title contenders and then you add two more. Somebody's going to be like the 7-5 team that's looking around like what the fuck.
And there's teams like Ole Miss and Missouri who are not used to being on this level who believe they're on this level this year. Although Missouri's not.
Yeah, I don't think Missouri's going to – I think it's going to be a rough season. I think they're an 8-4 team.
I'll give you some names and you tell me if they're delusional by thinking that they should be in the playoffs. They're all delusional.
They're SEC fans. Texas A&M.
Oh, that's delusional. Yes.
Delusional. That's delusional.
But I don't know that they truly believe that. I think they want that, and they might believe it in year two, but not in year one.
If they win week one, they're definitely in. Oh, for sure.
They're all in. Then they're all in.
That changes everything, though. Okay.
Missouri sounds like delusional. Delusional.
I understand why they think it. They like the coach.
Luther Burden's the best receiver in the country. I understand why they think it, but the loss of the defensive coordinator and so many defensive players, it's not happening.
Also, we're just papering over that they beat Middle Tennessee by like three, and they needed a last second field goal to beat Kansas State. Florida, they needed a fourth and 18.
Sandpapered over. Tennessee.
I think they're a legit playoff contender. I've got them as my number 60.
I think Niko's the best QB in the country. Really? Yeah.
I'm not going that far yet, but I think if he is as good as I think he is, we've seen what their team can do or what Heupel can do when they've got a great quarterback. Tom, why do you say he's the best quarterback in the country when we've seen him play one game? Because I think that you don't need to see the one game.
Like three years ago I was telling you Caleb Williams was the best quarterback in the country and he wasn't even the starter on Oklahoma. I'm telling you Nico's the best quarterback in the country.
I love it. Size-wise, talent-wise, ability-wise, fit in the offense that he's in, which is an offense that somehow made Joe Milton into an NFL quarterback.
Did you watch the Monday Night Football game, though? No, I can't say that. So Chris Collinsworth was just gushing all over.
It was a glaze fest for Joe Milton, which I love, because anytime somebody gets their eyes on Joe Milton for the first time, they just fall in love with the guy. So Collinsworth spent about five minutes talking about how Joe Milton told him before the game that if he wanted to feed on the goal line, he could throw the ball 95 yards in the air.
He probably can, yeah. Which is so awesome.
It is awesome. And pointless.
Useless. It's not pointless because it's so much fun to watch.
Great deep ball. You just hate deep ball.
I found that right. No, there's no reason to throw it 95 yards.
All right, but no more Joe Milton. Nico is vastly different than Joe Milton.
Couldn't be any different from Joe Milton. Nico could throw to all parts of the field.
Nico is mobile. I think that him in that offense with what they have, that is going to be a really tough team to beat.
And they're really good around him. The front seven is fantastic.
Secondary needs a little. It's going to be some smoke and mirrors with the secondary.
Tennessee is a team that you can argue, like I'm saying, they have the best QB in the country. You can also say they have the best defensive player in the country in James Pierce Jr.
So you put those two things together, those teams tend to be pretty good. Schedule's tough.
It's all about that at Oklahoma. It's all about that.
They have to go to at Oklahoma. They have to go to at Georgia.
And Alabama at home. And Alabama at home.
I don't think they'll win in Georgia, but I think they'll beat Alabama. I think they'll beat Alabama as well.
And they also have Mississippi State at home, which will be tough. I feel like having a great pass rusher is going to be pretty important for an offense like that.
Yeah. Make him look even better as a defensive end.
What about LSU? I don't love them. It's delusional? It's kind of a USC situation.
It's hard to say LSU's delusional because you know the talent's just brimming out of that state and on that roster, but last year the roster was talented and they had the worst defense in the country. And I know they went out and got the LSU fan argue down, you know, we have the best defensive staff in the nation now.
They got Bo Davis for line. They've got Blake Baker for defensive coordinator.
That's great. You're not going from 130th against the pass to, like, 30th.
You might go to 70th, but I don't think it's good enough. And the defense gets marginally better.
The offense is definitely getting marginally worse without a Heisman-winning quarterback and two first-round receivers. Their offensive line, though, is big.
It's really good. They've got two great tackles.
I think that there's a lot of people high on Garrett Nussmeyer who we have not seen a lot of although you got a front row they're all LSU fans though yep but no I know what non-LSU fans were big on us but to your point it's again it's like a USC situation they lose a Heisman Trophy winning quarterback they lose two first round wide receivers and that defense sucked ass last year and how much better can that defense get doesn't have to be great if Nussmeyer is as good as Jaden Daniels, but we don't know that he's as good as Jaden Daniels. There was a report that Harold Perkins was overweight.
Good. It's about time.
I know. But that was the whole thing where it was just like – because everyone was wondering what the hell happened to Harold Perkins.
Harold Perkins is in the running for weirdest career ever. Ever.
A four-sack game. He's only going to his third year.
Like, the freshman Harold Perkins, you think, this is the best college football player I've ever seen in my life, and then he just doesn't show up for a sophomore season. They don't put him in the right spot.
Now, who knows where he is this year? He's also got a 70-year-old man's name. Harold Perkins, not a great name.
No, he can't. That is not a college student.
There's never been a college student named Harold Perkins before. Does Harold Perkins have aura? The name doesn't, but the guy does.
It might have been Jason Tatum. He's got clogged here.
What are those teams? Let's see. Vandy.
Probably going to be pretty bad. Yeah, I don't think Vandy's making the playoff.
Okay, so Florida, are they delusional to think that they can win five games this year? No, I don't think so. I'm torn with Florida because I have just shit on Napier forever because they fired Dan Mullen to hire a guy who's got 50% of his ceiling.
But Napier is a bad coach, but I think he's built a pretty good roster. I think the roster is better than the coach.
I think they can win. First of all, I think they can win this week against a Miami team I love.
And then I think they can win seven games. Have you seen their last four games? Oh, yeah.
It's LSU, Ole Miss at home, Georgia. Top ten teams.
Yeah. But one of them is Florida State.
That's already taken a hit. But I think talent-wise, yeah, they're good.
I think Billy Napier is a very good developer of quarterbacks, and I think we saw some of that last year with Graham Mertz, who looked pretty damn competent with the Gators, more competent than he did with the Bad Badgers but I also think the X factor there is the guy behind Mertz if things start going sideways if they bring in DJ Lagway that could be kind of like a spark plug to really make turn that season around a little bit and make them far more competitive late in the year but I think they can get to a bowl game it's just with that schedule it's impossible to think they're going to get to the playoff I don't think the schedule schedule is going to end up being as hard as we think okay right now their last seven games i'm going to go seven games at tennessee loss kentucky at home win uh at well uh florida georgia and jacksonville at texas loss home against lsu winnable winnable home against ome miss winn. Yeah.
Okay, and then at Florida State. Winnable.
We don't know what LSU and Ole Miss – I think both are volatile. I like Ole Miss better than I like LSU, but by November, both of those teams could either be in the tank or be in the top five.
What about Oklahoma and Texas, the new guns? All right, Tom, I've got to talk to you about Texas. Okay, go.
I've been going through some emotions about Texas.

I've got Texas in the playoff.

Okay.

I think the quarterback is great.

I think the offensive talent is great.

Offensive line, especially the tackle, is great.

How easy is it?

They are glossing over.

They're just kind of really sandpapering over the fact that they lost Byron Murphy and Devondre Sweat in the middle.

And you're going to the toughest running conference in the country, and you lost your running defense. I like them, but I can see them falling apart too.
Yeah, no, I'm with you. I think Texas people are expecting a little too much from coming into the SEC, and I think the other side people are sleeping a little too easily on Oklahoma.
But I agree with you. I feel like defensively that is a team that could run into some serious problems because between Murphy and Sweat, it's not a Georgia situation where when they lost their guys, they had more monsters behind them ready to replace them.
They got big people in Texas. They do.
They don't have them on the Longhorns' depth chart right now. Yeah.
So you got to get some of them. Get some churros.
Yeah, send Charles to San Antonio. So we need fat San Antonio women on the defensive line.
Yes. I mean, if that's what Sark should be doing right now.
Yeah. So you got to get some of them.
Get some churros. Yeah.
Send Charles to San Antonio.

So we need fat San Antonio women on the defensive line.

Yes.

I mean, if that's what Sark should be doing right now, he should just be walking the river

walk, looking for defensive tackles.

He's done worse.

Yeah.

Okay.

Instead of focusing on stripper monkeys.

They're still around.

No, no.

They got married, Brandon.

Congratulations.

Well, love is love, guys.

Yeah.

Pull assassin.

Pull assassin stripper monkey.

What's your hottest take? For all of college football? All of college football. The one that you feel like you're out on a limb.
Mine's Alabama. Mine's Alabama, and I don't think Alabama is going to have a bad year because of the roster talent or because of Ken DeBoer being a bad coach.
I truly think they're going to plumb new depths of fan base irritation and fan base just throwing themselves off the mountain. As soon as they lose a game they're not expecting.
They're going to lose to Georgia. But as soon as they lose another game they're not expecting.
That fan base – I mean, we saw Auburn fans made up a fake affair rumor about their coach to try to get him fired a couple years ago. Alabama's going to go further than that.
God knows what these hillbillies are going to do. I don't know what they're going to do when they get mad at Kalen DeBoer.
Everything's nice right now. They don't want a guy named Kalen DeBoer who's never been in the South as their coach when it goes bad.
It's an oxygen problem. It's an oxygen problem.
There's not enough air in the room to support everybody. Yeah.
All right, what about you, Tom? I feel like Nico being the best quarterback in the country is probably the hottest take. yeah it's warm i will go oklahoma finishes with a better sec record than texas wow all right i gotta i gotta let me ask about that let me probe there um probe can i probe probe and my first car was a 93 ford probe remember those uh so i don't think venables is a very good coach i think they were a soft a soft a soft 10 and 2 last year i i could i can see your argument that they were soft 10 and 2 but the problem is like we talked about dylan gabriel going to oregon i think they actually upgraded a quarterback i think jackson arnold will be a step forward for them i think he is a great player i think he's gonna have an excellent season the question for me is i think defensively they got better last season the question will be how do they handle the grind of facing LSU offensive lines all season because they did they were able to kind of maneuver in the big 12 way that I'm not 100% sold that they will be able to do here but that schedule is nasty too yeah the schedule is nasty but I just think if that if Jackson Arnold's as good as I think he is that's going to be a really good Sooners team not going to win the SEC but I like your concerns about Texas are shared with me so I could see that longhorn's losing four games in the sec but they don't have oklahoma doesn't have the receiver talent for jackson arnold that that baker mayfield had even that no you know jalen hurts had they don't have the receiver talent they had five years ago no but i think that you can overcome that with a great quarterback yeah but it would certainly help it would certainly help especially when you're going when you got tennessee coming in one week you got alabama you got all this like it's the other wild Ole Miss coming in the other wild card is their offensive line i know oklahoma sooners fans have serious concerns about it and i get it but i think that bill biedenbaugh over the years has done a tremendous job developing offense what a name so i give him like credit like you could have just made that up no he's a real person i thought i thought it was bed and ball bill b bill Biedenbaugh.
Is it Bed and Baugh? I thought it was Bed and Baugh. I've always said Bed and Baugh.
I've called him Biedenbaugh to his face. Shit.
Did he react? No. Have you ever called him Bed and Baugh to his face? Never touched his face.
Speaking of Oklahoma, while we're on the subject, how are you on Levy? I'm excited. He came in and he's not scared to recruit.
He's not scared to at least try to recruit. He's not scared to go after guys.
I would hope he'd be not scared to recruit. Our last guy was up.
Our last guy was terrified. Okay, you missed it and he's not scared to recruit he's not scared to at least try to recruit he's not scared to go after i would hope he'd be not scared uh our last guy was our last guy was terrified okay you missed it he's not scared no no to try to recruit no no you understand what i'm saying what a hire our last guy was terrified of battles our last guy was not going after it and mike leach frankly he would care he would recruit you if you said no one time he's like all right i'll just go so we haven't had that we haven't had to compete in recruiting battles in while or we haven't had to compete in recruiting battles in a while or we haven't gotten to compete in recruiting battles offense will be a lot better defense is probably going to be really bad and hopefully he fixes that in the offseason what coach is on the hottest seat? Billy Napier for certain what about Ryan Day not beating Michigan? I think and this is an oxygen problem I think you're going to see quicker hot seats than you've ever seen before like in the SEC too much oxygen that's more oxygen because it ignites quicker fine in the SEC if Brian Kelly like goes 7-5 this year I think that seat heats up real quick real quick I think Brent Venable's seat could heat up real quick if they come in and go 6-6 in the SEC I i think oklahoma fans are a little too much like too pot committed with brent right now we're so fucking like they went six better than wick yeah i know six and six two years ago last year they kind of had a fluky 10 and 2 if they were to go six and six again in a new conference that's he's hot he'll get the new conference excuse though what about what about ryan day if he doesn't beat michigan he's in trouble i mean if he doesn't beat michigan he's in real trouble i real trouble i i i think he's gonna beat michigan but i think he's in real trouble if he doesn't beat Michigan.
I think if he doesn't beat Michigan. He's in trouble.
I mean, if he doesn't beat Michigan, he's in real trouble. Real trouble.
I think he's going to beat Michigan, but I think he's in real trouble if he doesn't beat Michigan. I think if he doesn't beat Michigan, he better win the national title.
Who's sneaky on the hot seat? Sneaky on the hot seat. I kind of like Brian Kelly.
Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, because I think he looks safe.
He looks really safe. He won the division his first year, went 9-3 last year.
But again, like – What's that buyout like for him? The reason their defense was so bad is he hired a bad defensive coordinator last year, and he tried to fix it. He went out and spent a lot of money.
If it doesn't fix... Is Dabo sneaky on the hot seat? No.
Because they just would never fire him? I don't think they would. I think...
Like, if Dabo had a bad year, would there be... He would go in the next season on the hot seat.
I don't think they would pull the trigger. I i i think to the clemson's fans he would be on the hot seat i don't think that administration would ever right right because there's a difference like there's guys that they just nothing's gonna happen especially because they don't know how much they're gonna spend to get out of the acc so the buyout situation could be a hindrance i mean franklin right franklin's not about the same thing yeah like we just we talked but he's never on the hot seat because whenever he's on the hot seat, he just says he's going to go to USC.
Yeah. But we talked earlier.
Like, you know, Penn State's a team that should benefit the most from the expanded playoff because now they're going to get in. What if they don't? Yeah.
He is an all-time, like, I'm not going to let you fire me. I'll quit.
Because every single time he gets on the hot seat, it's like, oh, James Franklin going here, going there. Let me ask you about more guy what about lincoln riley he he doesn't seem that far i think lincoln is more likely to jump ship than usc is to fire lincoln well that's the exact same principle he just yeah yeah yeah you can't fire me i quit yeah i'm gonna be an office coordinator in the nfl yeah but if he doesn't have a good year he could have trouble finding that kind of gig yeah what about what does sam pitman have to do to save his job become a different coach uh it's over for him it's over there's not even a seat there he's his seat is so hot his seat is so hot how hot is it they went out he went out they just do well together they went out and hired bobby patrino the guy who disgraced the school who just well no that worked out great for texas a and he disgraced the school like 10 years ago and they went out and hired him just because sam pitman's fan ass can't coach he's not hot that's just syphilis burns a little bit all right heisman's nico nico brandon i like carson beck yeah i think i think carson beck's the best quarterback in the country is it georgia could win the national title and they could lose two games in the race.
Their schedule is crazy. For sure.
They have four, I think, four top ten games and three of them are on the road. One's a neutral site.
That being Atlanta. But, I mean, Clemson's not a top ten team.
But they got at Alabama, at Ole Miss, at Texas. It's crazy.
It's crazy, but for the Heisman thing, Carson Beck is going to be in marquee spots all season long. Every level of the season, the beginning, the middle, the end, he's going to be there and then the Florida game, the Tennessee game, there's others.
I think Carson Beck's going to be in marquee spots and he's going to win the Heisman. I already have the future on Nico's Heisman, but I'm telling you, the turning point will be he'll throw for like 350 and four touchdowns in the win over Alabamaabama and then nicomania will be getting ashley nicomania narrative will start there'll be nicotines everywhere the the issue i would it's good bet i don't mind the bet but it almost is like the hooker thing where he beat alabama it goes crazy and there's a trip to athens in three weeks and they just shut you down anytime somebody says the hooker thing yeah i was like what where are we going now handendon hooker well it was raining in that game yeah sure didn't matter didn't didn't even get close you got a group of five so i had boise state until they named uh amy schumer their starting quarterback until they named have you seen the kid no no uh look up boise state by the way i should i should use it looks he looks like everyone that uh hier is the Wake Forest starting quarterback I've every year he just bounces around and I end up getting losing money and then halfway through the game I'm like fuck I bet on Hank Bachmeier again Maddox Madsen he looks like a Targaryen yeah he looks like Amy Schumer he really does that's not even a joke like he looks exactly like her and they got 18 starters back they got one of the best running backs in the country the schedule is very manageable i just i can't bet on that quarterback he kind of looks like a fatter cody lanza i was like a little bit he looks a little bit like brandon walker no he does not look like brandon walker yeah yeah he does okay would you bet on brandon walker to win the national title looks like he looks like brandon jogger like if you got a little more exercise a few bounds.
App State? I got Memphis. Yeah, I think Seth Hennigan's a very good player.
He's probably one of the better quarterbacks. I mean, people were going after him in the portal.
Memphis was able to hold on to him. Thank you, FedEx.
But I do think the Tigers are a team that's kind of flying under the radar out of the American. Boise, I'm with you.
Until the Malachi problems, I'm I'm kind of selling out when Jeff Tedford retired again for the thousandth time I kind of sold stock on Fresno I don't know I think Liberty's gonna get the playoff spot but I don't play anyone I don't think Liberty yeah don't they play App State they do they do but I don't think they're the best G5 team I just think they play a dog shit schedule filled in a conference where they have more money than the rest of the league can buy. Yeah, we're going to need App State to handle business on that.
Yeah. Unless you got Liberty in the playoff.
Because that, it is. And that bowl game last year where they played whoever they played.
Oregon. Oregon, yeah.
They did not belong there and it was a sham that they got there. So hopefully they don't crash the playoff party.
That's why I got Memphis. Yeah.
Okay, I got one last. You guys have been great together.
You guys both know ball. You guys want to kiss? I like it, too, because there was a little moment there where you guys were doing a one-upmanship of what offensive line coach or backup tight end can we name.
Yeah. And it was like we kind of hit a crescendo that was just beautiful.
If you look at the wide shot of them on the couch right here, it's like alternate universe Beavis and Butthead. Yeah.
You guys are perfect. High cholesterol Beavis and Butthead.
I actually would say right now, you guys gotta just do this every time together. That's fine.
Perfect. I'm down to do it again.
Are you? Alright. Oh, look at that.
Alright, so my last question. I just thought of this and I want to do this right after.
So I'm springing on both of you. I don't like this look.
Roback question. No, no.
Listen, it's fair. Roback question.
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We got to figure out who's the college

football expert for part of my take.

So, I think what we should do

is we should do a draft of the playoff.

You guys go back and forth

and we'll give, let's say

one point for making the playoff and then one point for every playoff win.

Is that fair?

So it's a season long.

Do we get a trophy?

Yeah, we'll make a trophy for you.

I thought we were going to do this just in the event that Brandon Walker won.

Yeah, well, we'll just pretend it never happened if it looks like he's going to win.

So we're both drafting 12 teams?

You're both drafting 12 teams. But no repeats.
Okay. All right.
What do we think about that? I made some notes. I was going to say, are you hiding? He made some notes.
Yeah, I wrote down. You need to keep notes to know who's going to make the playoffs.
Wow, I think we know who's in the lead. I wrote down a bunch of this.
Should we do one point for making the playoff? Two points per win.

Two points per win.

And if you get a bye, that's our automatic two points.

That should count as a win.

Or how about this?

One point to make it.

One point for a first round win.

Two for second, three. Yes, because you don't want to wait them the same.

Yeah.

Because Ohio State, if they get a bye, won't have a chance.

One point for winning or for making it.

One point for a first round win.

Two points for winning. Memes, write this down.
Second round win, three points. No.
Four points for the national champion. Yeah, so go one, two, three, four.
Yeah, I just said that. You said one, two, four.
What are the odds any of us remember all this? Yeah. Memes, go write it down.
All right. Okay, who would like to go first? Actually, you know what? We'll do the lottery ball to this side.
Three. Odds are even.

Odds are even.

Odds are even.

That would be funny if we made you guys do that.

Okay.

Let him call it.

I'll take odds. Okay.

And if you get the number dead on, you get the first two picks.

Three.

Oh, fuck.

71.

Eight.

Wait, I just...

Wait, you just fucked yourself. This counts.
This counts. He doesn't get a number.
Shut the fuck up, Max. He doesn't get a number.
I guess 71, which fucks him. Yeah.
Well, no, it would override. It would override.
I hope it's eight. I hope it's three.
94. 94.
That's first pick for me. All right, first pick.
Snake draft, though. So you want the first pick.
Yeah. Well.
No, actually, it's not a snake draft. It's just one, one, one, one, back and forth.
It can snake. No, it doesn't snake.
No, it shouldn't. All right, hold on.
Let's do a lottery ball and see if we snake. Eyes are snake.
Evens are. No snake.
No snake. No snake.
Do you want first pick? Or would you like to give it to Tom? I would, of course, like first pick. Oh, well, that's a very unclassy move by you.
Well, what did we have? The fucking lottery ball machine. I drove all the way down here.
I drove further than he did. No, but that's, I mean, come on.
He's our guest here. You do it every day.
What was the point? I'm the lover. If I was Tom, I would want the second pick.
Yeah, but he's our guest. Come on.
I'm good. Would you like the first pick? No, I'm good.
Tom, take the first pick. Wow, he just fucking outwitted you.
Listen, as the number one college football expert on this podcast, Brandon is my guest. The guest goes per shot.
That's true. Good point.
I'll kick you in the chin. Good point.
All right, I'm going first. Ohio State.
Fuck. Fuck, I Brandon.
Yeah. At it again.
So I get the next two? No. Yeah.
I thought we didn't. Snake.

Gee. You get the two after that, Brandon.
I'll go with Georgia.

Okay. I feel like they got a chance

to be pretty good. I mean, somebody

told me they got the Heisman at quarterback.

Oh, wow. Good point, Tom.

And then I'll take Oregon. Okay.

No shit. No shit.
No shit.

No shit.

God, fucking me. Because you get two picks.
Yeah, I got it. I got it.
Everybody chill out. Did you say Tom's fucking me? No, nobody's fucking me.
Put that on a quote card, please. You got to think about who's going to get wins.
I understand, but I don't. Oh, okay.
I'm going to do it because I believe in them. I'm taking Cleon wow give me texas texas clemson okay give me tennessee okay give me penn state fuck you okay i was trying to see i'm doing the game theory i'm trying to figure out what he wants next it's all right i saw his notes yeah yeah all right brandon it's getting harder already isn't it yeah well the problem is uh my beliefs and my thoughts about what i said i think it's going to happen but also i want to pick a team but oh yeah you're Not enough oxygen.
You can't pick them. No, it's a different kind.
I want to pick Utah, but I already said I don't think they're making the playoffs. See, but that way you cover all your bases.
Correct. Why don't you pick the team that you think is going to make the playoffs there? Yeah, you're right.
Do you need us to remind you? So I'm picking two. Who's going to make the playoffs? All right, so we've already got, hold on.
We already got Oregon. We got Penn State.
And the SEC, we've picked Texas, Georgia, Tennessee. James, are you writing this down? Because I've already forgotten.
Brandon, you're thinking of Kansas State. If that's where you're going to go with your Big 12 champion.
I'm going to take Ole Miss. Wow.
Make sure that graphic just says that. Yeah.
Wow. Get a graphic of Brandon in red and blue.
And Miami. And Miami.
Yeah. All right.
All right, Tom. You kind of stuck me with Florida State, you son of a bitch.
No. I can't believe Brandon took Ole Miss.
Yeah. I want to be the number one.
I want to be the football expert here. Turning your badge on your elbow.
There's not been a single Big 12 team. Yeah, I'm going to take Kansas State.
Okay? And there's also a really good team that's won a lot of national titles. I don't know why you have to talk like that.
I don't know why you have to remind people that there's teams out there. You mean like Alabama? Yes.
Like he understands.

I know Alabama's out there.

He knows Alabama's out there.

You don't have to get sassy about it.

I know Alabama's out there.

Give me Alabama.

All right, good pick, Tom.

Give me Notre Dame.

Okay.

Yeah, shit.

That's a good pick.

That's a good fucking pick.

That's great value.

And Utah.

Okay.

That might be the difference right there.

Should we give Tom Notre Dame?

No, you shouldn't because this is a draft.

Yeah, I think so.

What do you mean?

USC and I get to swap one team at the end.

Tom gets Ole Miss.

Okay.

Give me Michigan.

Okay.

And I'll take Florida State.

I'm not really super thrilled about it.

No, you don't sound so. It's value at this point.
How many rounds do you think we could just have them going back and forth before we told them they were done? Just name every team. How many teams have we named? You both have, Tom has eight teams.
And I have seven? You have seven. I'm running out of teams.
Just chill out. Everybody relax.
More relaxed than you are, dude. No, you're not.
You've never been more relaxed than me in my life. I checked my fucking aura ring.
It'll tell you right now I'm relaxed. The fact that you're wearing an aura ring says you're not relaxed.
No, it says he has aura. Yeah.
It says I got aura. You have diabetes.
Type two. The best kind.
Best kind. You got two.
You're going to pick one of the two. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He can't even get get the number one diabetes let alone be the number one college football expert if you got two you don't have one fuck it's hard right I know we've reached the point where we both have to pick teams we don't actually believe in give me it's like... Yeah, give me LSU.
Okay.

And Oklahoma State.

Okay.

I agree.

I feel like there's a lot of meat on that bone in the Big 12.

There is.

I'm just trying to... That's the thing.

The Big 12 is just such a random number generator.

Tough.

Give me Liberty. They're going to be in it in it okay i'll give you death and utah kansas state are the only big 12 teams you've taken wait i just took oklahoma state wait you took oklahoma state wait hold on what you have liberty yeah no one's taking oklahoma yeah i'm comfortable are you sure yes i'm just throwing it out there i there.
I don't want them yet. Okay.
He's not going to take them, so I'll take them later. I'm tricking him into taking them.
Who knows? Are we taking USC yet? No. Give me USC.
Good pick. Is that your both? Is that? I feel like I've got the, yeah, I took Liberty and USC.
I feel like I've got the entire Big Ten except for Ohio State. Well, I'm about to I'm turning fully to the dark side.
I've already got Ole Miss. Give me Iowa.
That's a disgusting fucking pick. You're a disgusting fucking pick.
Yeah, but I was picked first. They might go 10-2 and be terrible.
Schedule's easy. Yeah, they might.
Yeah, Illinois might go 10-2 too. No, they might not.
No, but that's just as good a choice as Iowa does. You're a big Cade McNamara guy.
That's cool. No, I'm not a Cade McNamara guy.
What kind of guy are you? It's fun. I'm a Luther Burden guy.
Give me Missouri. Okay, Missouri.
I don't believe in that one. You just took Missouri and Iowa.
Yeah, that was bad we're we're at the bottom of the barrel here no we are I can't fault you for we're 23rd and 24th teams in the country give me Kansas okay wait Kansas is worse than both those teams I just picked yeah because that's how it goes when you when you draft. The better teams go first.
Why are you hollering? Why am I hollering? Where are we fucking back in Mississippi? God, only now. I wish we were.
All right, for the last pick, the 12th pick, you can pick any team the other guy has except for the top three of their picks. So I'll list them for you, and then, Brandon, you can do the same.
But how is that going to be the 12th pick if we're just – Yeah, you just – That's still the same amount of teams. Yeah, still the same amount of teams.
So you can pick – No, no, Brandon's right. So there's still only 11 teams.
Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't like it. Yeah, I just want to make it as confusing as possible.
You get to pick – Congrats. You get to pick one team for the other guy.
You got two idiots. You can't think of any more teams, and you're trying to confuse – App State.
No, no. you get to pick you get to pick one team for the other guy you can't think of any more teams you get to put a team on the other guy but they can't be a shitty team and me and Big Cat will decide if they're shitty put something moderately shitty on your opponents it has to be adequately shitty.
Goddamn. Give me Virginia Tech.
Oh, nice pick. Do I have one more? Yes.
NC State. Okay.
We got the ACC covered. All right.
So, Tom, you have Georgia, Oregon, Tennessee, Penn State, Kansas State, Alabama, Michigan, Florida State, Liberty, USC, Kansas, Virginia Tech. Brandon, you have.
I don't like Alabama or Michigan being in the middle of yours. Ohio State, Clemson, Texas, Ole Miss, Miami, Notre Dame, Utah, LSU, Oklahoma State, Iowa, Missouri, NC State.
Notre Dame might have been a steal of draft. Might have been.
It was a very good pick. It was an excellent value play.
Because they should be in the playoff. And that will get you one point no matter what.
Although they already have lost their starting

left tackle after they had to replace. And they gotta go to

Texas A&M. Oh, Texas A&M.
Why wasn't that picked?

Because they're not very good. Okay.

That's a good reasoning. Marcus Freeman also.

Alright, now.

Don't you host a show with a Texas A&M fan?

Buddy.

Now PFT and I are going to draft the rest

of the teams that weren't mentioned.

And if any of those teams make the playoffs, we become the college football players.

Y'all are going to become – you're going to be Dwight's roots on assistant manager?

West Virginia.

Not scared.

If any of them even make it, we then become the experts.

All right, boys, this has been awesome.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

I don't know if I'd call it awesome.

I mean, it was tolerable.

Yeah, it was tolerable. New was tolerable new annual what was the draft for i thought we were competing oh no no you both would be no because listen of the draft still has a chance michigan won the national title last year the other team still get to play that's true and you were very wrong about michigan last year no not really yeah you were not really yeah you were you know who wasn't the number My Table.
Oh, Tom Fernelli. He called it.
It's true. He called it.
Are you still saying that you weren't wrong about Michigan, Brandon? Does that feel good that you were able to call Michigan for a national champion? Well, you literally said- All they had to do was do- Win a national championship. Win a national championship.
You can't talk about it. Mississippi State's never- You have a blood oath.
Yeah, I can. We won a national title.
Baseball 2021. Oh.
That didn't really count because Ole Miss won the year after that doesn't matter wiped it away we both won yeah we're both winners mississippi's winners everybody's a winner up to 35th in education that's pretty good yeah huge we found that fact out today yeah that's huge enormous so suck it arkansas they uh they introduced books god who are the 15 states that are worse? West Virginia was there.

Almost everybody around us in the South.

You guys just all moved out of Mississippi.

It's just a general area.

Rising tide lifts all boats.

Mississippi is leading the world.

Yes.

All right.

Thank you, boys.

Tom Fernelli.

Go listen to his podcast.

Cover three.

Cover three.

I know cover three.

I was thinking about whether I want to plug Brandon's. No.
Listen to cover three. Brandon has a podcast? Ish.
Several. A show.
Family. Multiple shows.
What about wrestling? Plug wrestling. We're working on it.
Wrestling. What about unnecessary roughness? Yeah.
You chose not to plug. What about the Yak? You plug in the show that you're on?

Yeah, why not?

All right, I'm on the Yak.

Okay, there we go.

The Yak with Big Cat and Brandon Walker.

Mostly sports is good.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Family.

It's not as good as wrestling.

Who would you say is the Batman and who's the Robin?

Mostly sports.

Oh, Titus is Batman.

Yeah.

And Robin.

That's not, I don't know that that's true.

I mean, whose name is first in the graphic?

Yeah.

Titus is Batman and Robin.

Brandon's Catgirl.

It's Catwoman. Got the game.
No, no i said cat girl you're not even cat woman cat woman is connor griffin all right thank you boys thank you tom fornelli and brandon walker we're brought to you by our good friends over at chevy we love chevy there's a reason why we've never done a mount rushmore pickup trucks that's because for part of my take, there's only one pickup truck, the Chevy Silverado. Why is that? Well, Silverado is a partner.
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Discover a world of strength and capability all behind the wheel of our favorite truck, the Chevy Silverado. And now here is Joey Chestnut, American hero.
And now for something completely different. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.

He is an American Hero,

one of our favorite Americans of all time.

It is Joey Chestnut,

and we've got some beef that we're settling.

Labor Day weekend,

Joey Chestnut going up against Kobayashi,

unfinished beef.

So, Joey, first of all, let's thank you for joining us. We missed you.
We missed you dearly on 4th of July. It didn't feel like 4th of July.
Where are we at with that part of everything that's happened in the last six months? Yeah, I miss being there, man. They haven't reached out at all.
Oh. Yeah, so I don't know if they're waiting to see how this thing goes with, this contest goes.
Maybe they're hoping I lose, and maybe, I don't know. That's not going to happen.
All they've done is make me more hungry. Make a new record.
I'm going to smash that. I'm going to eat more hot dogs than ever before.
Oh, yeah. The tiger right there.
I like it. I missed that contest.

Who knows?

Hopefully we can figure out something. But right now I'm just thinking about Labor Day and Kobayashi.
Yeah. They poked a bear, and they might be very upset that they did that.
One last question about what happened on 4th of July weekend, because we had your back. I love watching Joey Chestnut compete.
It's one of my favorite parts of 4th of July weekend. And the report came out that there was a dispute behind some sort of vegan or vegetarian hot dog product

And then I saw the spin machine kick in high gear

And then all these people were saying that you wanted to eat vegetarian hot dogs during the hot dog eating contest

And I said, that doesn't sound like something that Joey Chestnut would do

This sounds like they're trying to get in front of the narrative Can you clear us up as to what happened and why they kicked you out? Oh, they did some weird things. So, yeah, I started working with Impossible Foods.
And by all my previous agreements, I've been allowed to work with them. We have all our agreements.
We had companies that I couldn't work with. And they were like real hot dog companies.
And so this year I said, hey, they knew I was going to be working with Impossible Foods, so they put them on the list of companies I can't work with after they knew that I was working with them. And it was lame.
It was, yeah, and I couldn't go back on my deal with Impossible, so I was in a tight spot.

Then they started leaking all this information to the news, trying to tell people that I wanted to eat vegan hot dogs in contests, which wasn't the case. I eat clean after contests because I do eat like a madman.
So I take days off of eating meat. so it's they they they try to well i'm there's probably things i could have done but they pissed me off a little bit yeah and uh but and and it sucks because everybody wants to see a new record on the fourth of july and i i want to do it yeah so i i'm not giving up i i love that contest i love fourth of july I love in New York City, and I'm hoping I can do it again.
Yeah, because that was the saddest part, the most disconcerting part for us is people saying, oh, Joey likes vegan hot dogs more than regular hot dogs. We're like, no, he doesn't.
This guy's American through and through. He puts his life on the line for our enjoyment every 4th of July.
So just so we can set it straight, I understand you eat it after, but, like, you're always going to eat regular hot dogs when we're doing competitions. This contest for Netflix, it's all beef hot dogs.
And I eat meat, crazy amounts of meat, but I do take a break from eating meat, which is – I think it helps me so i can get back into it when i so i can push harder yeah so it's uh it's weird that they got they were so sensitive and uh dude i got and and the way they were trying to control the narrative change the narrative to make it look like i was an american which is it irked me a little bit but But, you know, I love the guy who won, Pat Brutelletti. He did awesome.
But I think me and Kobayashi are going to probably eat more than he did in six minutes. Yeah.
And we're going to push each other to ridiculous limits. Yeah.
The fake news was out to get you.. It's been a long time since you've competed against

Kobayashi, right? Do you remember the last time you guys

went head-to-head? Oh, yeah. Last time

we were in Singapore. It was one of the only times

that the audience was in his

corner.

He started out, he was ahead of me, and they were cheering.

Then I tied it up, and it got

all quiet. It was a good feeling.

Dude, yeah.

He's an eater.

I know he hasn't...

The last couple of years, he's taken some time off, but

Thank you. all quiet it felt it was a good feeling yeah but uh dude yeah so it it's he's an eater and i know he hasn't last couple years he's taken some time off but uh there's nobody who pushes me like him and every time we eat against each other we uh we break records it's gonna it's i i oh my god yeah i between eating against him and uh the hunger i'm just missing the hot dog contest on the fourth July.
And, uh, my God, yeah. Between eating against him and the hunger, just missing the hot dog contest on the 4th of July, I've been training and I'm ready to eat like an animal.
It's bird versus magic in hot dog eating competitions. You bring the best out of each other.
So what exactly is going to be the setup for this hot dog eating competition? Oh, yeah. So want to announce some of the rules i i don't know if i've i might have let some stuff slip but they're they some of the rules we're uh eating a little bit different it'll be a little bit cleaner but i've been practicing and uh i'm i'm gonna i'm a machine right now so it it it shouldn't matter too much uh that we're them a little bit different.
But a 10-minute contest, all beef hot dogs, just two of us. We're kind of slanted so we can see each other while we're eating.
And it's going to be intense. And there will be a couple of undercard events, some international eaters.
Love that. Yeah.
And, dude, it's going to be – another thing, only two years. So the hot dogs they're making, they're going to be super fresh.
Yes. And it'll be helpful.
Good food is always easier to eat. And I'm going to just turn it on.
Fast buns. Yeah.
Are we going to have the similar buns to what we have in Nathan's? Oh, yeah, fast. Oh, yeah.
Well, there'll be a little bit different buns, but they'll be fast. Because they're not sitting outside in the heat.
They won't turn stale. Yeah.
So these ones I'll be able to chew quick, swallow, and move on. I'll go beast mode.
So when you say cleaner, are we not dunking them? That sounds like we're not dunking them. You didn't hear that from me.
Okay, wow. That would definitely be cleaner.
Wow. Which is awesome.
I mean, it's more enjoyable to eat them without dunking. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, the slush, the dunking is the grossest thing ever. With practice and competition, I know that I can make a new record even with the different roles so where's the is there beef like is ko is kobayashi beefing with you more than you're beefing with him because he's oh he's very angry he's an angry angry man he knows how to hold a grudge okay um he's blocked me and he we were doing like a pillow press tour and he won't do do anything in same room as me which is all right i mean we're not we're not here it's not competitive nicene we have to we have to we're gonna be pushing each other to our uncomfortable limits and he uh he knows i'm gonna he knows what's coming and i know what's coming he's gonna push me and i uh or it's when everything in my body is telling me to slow down or stop,

I'm going to keep pushing it.

You guys love that.

Are you doing a weigh-in beforehand?

That would rock.

I don't know what they're doing exactly.

I know they're doing a weigh-in for the hot dogs, I think, the day before.

Oh, they're weighing the hot dogs?

Just like so that people are like, oh, these are the hot dogs they're eating so they can bet on them, I think.

Yeah.

I think right now the over-under is like 66, and I'm going to blow that out.

Okay, I love that.

I love the confidence from you. I'm curious, when you're competing, you mentioned that you're going to be

slanted a little bit so you'll be able to see your opponent.

That's probably very different from how it is in most of the eating competitions

that I've seen where it's just you.

You get to stare straight ahead. You look at your food.
You look straight ahead, and you focus. In this, you're going to be able to see your opponent as your opponent's eating.
Are you planning on monitoring him and using him as like a pace car? Or are you just going to try to zone out and do your normal thing? I'm going to go out hard, and hopefully I'm finding a rhythm where I'm just almost like a zombie, where I just do the same thing over and over again and can make sure I'm breathing. And I'll hear, I'll see numbers and I'm hoping that I, yeah, usually if everything's working right, I'm just like in a zone.
If I'm having a hard time, then I start looking around a little bit too much but uh if everything's going good i can just just uh just almost like almost teleport towards the end of the contest i'm like oh yeah i i know what i ate even if i don't even if i lose track of numbers yeah do you um do you have any self-talk while you're eating any things that you you you think to yourself? I know a lot of elite athletes, they, they stress the importance of the mental game and putting themselves in the right headspace. Are you, are you saying things to yourself internally or are you telling yourself, okay, one dog at a time? Oh yeah.
So it's, it's, uh, my biggest thing is stay calm, breathe. I know I, I I'm so, I'm so amped up and intense.
the most if I get a little bit too amped up

I I know I I'm so I'm so amped up and intense uh the the most I yeah if I get a little bit too

amped up I um I try to swallow too much at one time if I stay calm breathe if I hold I end up holding my breath then I end up getting winded and it screws up my rhythm so I just stay calm I love this. This is my happy place.

And it's

this is

I

yeah, I

I Stay calm. I love this.
This is my happy place. Yeah.
And it's, uh, yeah, this is, I, yeah, last couple of years on the 4th of July, I didn't break a record. I wasn't even close.
So this is, uh, I, I, I love competition and it brings out us and everybody. And I, uh, we're, we're going to, we're, it's going to make me, it's going to make me work.
Yeah. All right, so I got one last question, Joey.

It's a rollback question, R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com.

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So September 2nd, everyone tune in.

Netflix, 3 p.m. Eastern time, Unfinished Beef.

I hate asking this question, Joey, but I have to ask it.

If you're thinking about your career, where are you in terms of how many years do we have left?

Because I don't want to – I already did this year without – I didn't even watch because I love you so much.

I didn't even watch the Nathans on 4th of July.

I was boycotting out of respect for you.

So I'm hoping that you'll be back next year.

But what is your body telling you in terms of are you in your prime still? Are you on the back nine? Where are you at? It's weird. The way my practices have gone this year, I'm breaking records.
I'm doing the best I ever have. But I am older.
It'd be silly for me to say this is my prime, but I know my body so well. It takes a little bit longer to recover.
So it's, uh, it's, I definitely have more years and my doctor's really happy with everything. Did the scope on both ends and, uh, everything's working well.
And so I got years and I'm not even looking at that. I'm, I'm not looking at I'm looking at hot dogs right now and hot dogs in the future and some awesome records and some Oktoberfest events.
And yeah, it's going to be it's going to be a fun ride. I'm staying on this stand on this wave.
We're going to put that on a quote card. Hot dogs right now.
Hot dogs in the future. Yeah, I like it.
I don't want to I don't want to about what the fourth of july is going to be like in perpetuity without joey chestnut have you thought actually when you're watching the olympics this year did you see some of those events and be like why isn't eating in the olympics man dude yeah there there was a couple that uh yeah i i did eating is eating but i i i yeah there's there should like that breakdancing there's some serious there but then that woman was a joke uh raygon yeah yeah i like her actually but uh but uh you know eating uh it wouldn't be that weird to every uh host host country to have an eating contest yeah i think it should be an olympic sport because it's one thing that everybody that's ever born has done so you can actually say joey chestnut is the best eater of all time to eat and you can't say that about most sports because some people they grow up in in places that maybe don't play basketball or don't play uh don't do the luge you know for winter olymp Olympics. But with Joey Chestnut, it's like you can say definitively,

this man is the best eater to ever walk the face of the earth.

Yeah, it's like there's old women who know what it's like to be full.

There's not too many people, not that many people have ever hit a home run.

Not that many people have slammed down to basketball.

So everybody can kind of relate and kind of measure up. Yeah, i would like to see that in the Olympics i would too all right well Joey we're going to be rooting for you uh we're excited for it and uh great to see you and uh let's let's just never retire let's just keep keep eating forever oh until the wheels fall off love it love it love it all right it.
All right. Thanks so much, Joey.
Appreciate it, man. Take care, guys.
All right. Thanks, Joey.
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It was a lot of fun having him around. So, yeah, it ended.
He's going back to Michigan, so thank you to Huey. He's got everyone still follow him on Twitter.
NBA Hole. Is that? Yeah, NBA Hole.
NBA Hole. Yeah.
He went out with a bang with Jerry O'Connell. Yeah, it was Jerry and Huey were a great tandem.
So, yeah, everyone follow him. We'll see what he does next, but we appreciate him being our summer intern.
And next summer, we will probably have another intern, but we have to figure that out. We'll do it earlier, too.
Fuck that part out. Well, we were gone for the whole month of July.
Yeah. Maybe next summer let's not be gone the whole month of July.

I don't know about that.

Just the whole month.

Chill week?

Yeah.

Fourth of July?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Gone the whole month of July.

I'd rather be here, but my Fire Fest of the week goes back to Camp Arsenal.

Last week we played 16-inch softball for the first time. Big big has been preaching about it for a while uh had a lot of fun probably my favorite part of camp and then this past thursday we had our 12 inch softball game hardball on the pitcher and then i got absolutely smoked kid hit a hit a screamer up the middle as hard as you could smash into my shin i heard a crack and i like limped off but after it initially happened based off the sound i thought like i broke my leg and the dunking wasn't going to happen turned out just be a little oh that would have been the reason that would have been a great excuse yeah but i didn't want to i don't want to give up i'm not giving up i'm not giving up i still think i'm going to do it it's a big month so i'm just gonna well i mean yeah why would you give up.
I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up.
I still think I'm going to do it. It's a big month.

Well, I mean, yeah.

Why would you give up?

We work in a basketball office.

But really, the 16-inch was so fun,

and then getting hurt playing 12-inch.

And I never really loved 12-inch, but...

I've converted you.

You've converted me, and then...

I was already converting me, Max.

We're already saying this is going to be...

Because we have a playoff game tonight. We haven't won a single game in the regular season.
We're probably going to get smoked again. But I was already at the game being like, I wish we were playing 16-inch.
Next season, we're playing 16-inch. Like, this is going to be our last game.
And then I almost like had a life-threatening injury. Ironically, it's more about playing small ball when you're playing with a 16-inch softball.
Oh, yeah. Because you try to direct the hits, hit it where they ain't.
There are some dudes that play at the park next to my house, and they take it so seriously. Oh, yeah.
They show up wearing the skin tight. They're almost like motorbike racing shirts that they wear.
They're really tight, flashy colors. They're all 6'2", 230, and they just mash the ball.
And it's so much fun to play.

Yeah.

Old dudes can play 16-inch, which tells you that that's the style of the game.

It's a thinking man's softball.

So it's fully converted.

We're going to get a 16-inch league. I told you guys when you guys started the 12-inch league,

I was like, the minute you get a 16-inch league, I'm in.

But I'm not playing 12-inch.

What time is your game tonight?

Eight.

I want to bail so bad.

I can't make it.

Shit.

I really wanted to be there for you boys.

I'm not going to be able to make it.

We're doing like the office, everyone pointing a gun at each other meme in our group chat

waiting for someone to bail.

Here's an idea.

Because I think everyone else is ready.

Why don't you guys bring a 16-inch ball and be like, want to do this instead?

I'll just bring the balls. Yeah, no, but go buy a 16-inch ball and be like, want to do this instead? The alms bring the balls.

Yeah, no, but go buy a 16-inch ball and be like, hey, let's play 16-inch.

We should bail.

Worth a shot.

You guys should bail.

Because if we win tonight, the next game is next Thursday.

Oh, yeah, you can't do that.

You got to bail.

Throw it.

You got to bail.

Bail now so that you can at least let the other guys not have to show up.

Don't bail and not tell anyone.

Just bail.

And they're already playing after.

If we won tonight, it would be a doubleheader.

So the team that we're playing is only going to be.

They're still playing tonight.

Max, tell them I demanded to bail.

What's your team record?

We have 0 for the season. You haven't won a game.
Well, they did Thursday nights in the summer, which is an impossible thing to make. I've been to one game.
You haven't won a game? We had a full team one time. Yeah, you guys should never have done Thursday nights in the summer.
We're thinking Thursday nights, we'll play some games, drink some beers. No, it's a Tuesday or Monday thing because it's summer, so then you drink the beers on Tuesday or Monday or Wednesday.

But wait, if you win this game, you make the playoffs?

We're in the playoffs.

Everyone makes the playoffs.

Everyone makes the playoffs.

This is the playoffs.

Oh, yeah, just bail.

What if you won it all?

What if you guys just fucking won it all?

You got to throw this game.

It's not even fun.

12-inch softball is just like a glorified T-ball.

Wait, how does – I agree.

That's why 16 inches is far superior. How does the team have a double header if it's the playoffs i think we're the play-in schedule oh wait but how did what do you mean so you could have a double header yes ah that's what i'm saying so if we for the team's gonna play the team could just go on just play the next game right right you either gotta bail so we're not like or got to win it all.
No, yeah, just bail. This is a no-brainer bail.
They're going to still get to play softball tonight. And they don't have to get there at 7 o'clock.
Hank, how about you get Jost on the line over there? Add me to the group text. A live Jost call would be funny.
No, add me to the group text. Add me to the group text.
Add me to the group text right now. All right, PFT.
My Firefest of the week is I'm on a diet, and I have to go on a diet during football season, and it's not fun. It's not fun at all.
I diet off season. There's no good time.
There's no really good time to diet, but this is maybe the worst time of year to diet. And I'm trying to, so I went to the doctor.
The doctor told me cholesterol is a little bit high. I would not be dieting during football season if it wasn't like, okay, you got to bring this number down.
But I have to. And so I've been eating super healthy and it sucks.
It sucks eating healthy. I had buffalo cauliflower the other night.
Everybody was like, you're not going to miss chicken wings. Guess what? I fucking miss chicken wings of like buffalo cauliflower it's not the same it's not the same it's not the same if you look you just look at it as something different it's it's kind of good and everyone always tells you oh there's ways that you can eat healthy and still enjoy your food that's not true it's not true you can't all the good stuff in the world is bad for you all the all the bad tasting stuff is good for you.
All the good tasting stuff is bad for you. No, just eat.
Eat no carbs. That's the way I do it.
But I love carbs. I'm a fucking model of health.
I love carbs. I know, but that's the only way to lose weight is just go no carbs.
I'm not trying to lose weight. Yeah.
I'm trying to bring down the cholesterol. So just eat bacon.
Does that do it? No, I don't think so. All I know about cholesterol is, listen, I don't see a doctor.
I take care of my cholesterol. I have a fucking bowl of Cheerios every morning.
Yes. I start to eat oatmeal, steel-cut oats, all that shit.
It's not fun. There's no fun in it whatsoever.
And because i'm gonna on sundays we eat junk food all day long we eat and i'm gonna have to be the guy in the office that brings in like a tupperware thing of of tuna and avocado literally it will never happen never happen and if you do honestly i'll fight you yeah you should no if you bring in a you might bring it in hold on hold on like i hold on if i bring in a health time out and i get slapped I'm going to be like, yeah, I in a... No, you might bring it in.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on.
Time out, time out, time out. If I bring in a health food on Sunday and I get slapped, I'm going to be like, yeah,

I deserve that.

No, no.

If you bring in a Tupperware of tuna fish on a football Sunday, you're done.

Well, I'm not eating it in the room.

No, but I'm saying just bring that Monday through Friday.

Yeah.

It's over.

I know.

You can't do that.

And then, so what happens is, because I complain about... I don't think you understand that you can't i get it i get it no but you keep pretending like pft that would be no different than me being like hey pft i've just committed five murders i'm gonna sneak out help me i'm gonna have to sneak out to the car and eat my healthy food i can't help you it's bad it's bad and and people complain because i i have the take that there's no good food no food that's good for you that actually does taste good and then everyone's like actually you can eat steak all you want and be super healthy yeah there's no carb is that true that you can just eat steak all the time and if the only thing you eat is steak you'll be yes your fat levels will go down yes 100 true people don't do not mess with sundays there's no dieting on football sundays that's not a thing i might just fast we don't do that's fine you don't eat that's fine i might just know you don't get to eat healthy shit around us when we're stuffing our face with everything else i might i might just not eat that's fine not eating is a choice that you can make but if you bring a of tuna and avocado- Yeah, it's bad.
It's on site. It's bad.
Because then you're going to make everyone else feel bad, and that's not okay. That's what I'm saying.
I'd have to go out to the car and eat it in shame. Sunday's a safe space.
What if I just do two slices of pizza? That's fine. That's pretty much a diet.
It's you bringing other things, like healthy food. If you bring a tupperware on a sunday you're you're an asshole if we get pizza you could even order a salad from the pizza place i wouldn't i wouldn't say shit to that can there be tupperware that's the problem i want pizza could there be can we have one thing that is uh the color green on the pizza yeah okay that's healthy yeah all right we're we're update on the group text uh but i am gonna have a six-pack by the super bowl and we'll be the shape of our lives oh i am too adding in my friend dan from work i said hey guys dan from work here i think we got a bail tonight i'll be the first to say it i'm out and then tom lay said it's the playoffs dan yeah i know but we can't make it.
Sorry, guys. Great season.
My hero. Okay.
My Fire Fest is simple. Thank you to everyone who watched Doug's streams.
We won a natty on Wednesday night. It took me seven years to win a natty.
But my Fire Fest is there was a point we played in an incredible semifinal game. And in the overtime, I scored first, kicked the extra point.
UNC scored second, kicked the extra point. UNC went third, scored, didn't get the two-point conversion.
I then scored, was getting ready to do the two-point conversion, and the game gave me the option to kick the extra point, and I did. And it's the only thing I regret because now a lot of people say asterisks no matter what.
They say sliders. Even though I show the sliders, I wish I had just gone for two.
So you kicked the extra point. They didn't get their two-point conversion.
They didn't get their two-point conversion. The rule in college football is then I still have to go for a two-point conversion yeah when i pulled up the screen it gave me the option to kick the extra point i kicked it in one some may say you should probably take it up with the a developers not me by the rules of of the video game correct but by the rules of college football you did a play that doesn't count i did what i did was I gave the haters a spot to do an asterisk.

Which they were going to do anyway,

but I was going to be able,

I mentally,

and even Max said

that he was going to get in the chat

and say asterisk.

I wish in the moment,

memes,

that you had stopped me

and said,

hey,

go for two anyway.

We got to get the win.

We had to get the win.

You should hang the banner,

the championship banner

that you make for yourself

should just be a giant asterisk.

Take it back. I'm fine with that.
I'm fine with that. Max memes.
You guys got a fire fest. If you don't have one, it's okay.
I do. Oh, let's go.
I have a doozy. I have one that may not.
I know that how you guys are going to spin it. Uh oh.
And it's going to look bad on myself. Uh oh.
We would never do that. Did you clog another toilet? No.
I'm going to start this by saying I love dogs. Oh, no.
What'd you do, Max? I'm going to start this by saying I love dogs. Okay, good that you've got that out there.
I'm going to... You love fucking dogs? First and foremost, I love dogs.
Okay. I've moved into a new apartment this week.
Yeah. I've been talking about my struggles with that.
That in itself is the biggest fire fest That'll be going on for at least another month Moving is the worst thing in the world You got a long weekend And it's also I have a wedding Four out of the next five weekends It's crazy how many weddings This guy's got to go to A million weddings um i go to sleep my first night there or i go to sleep my first night there i wake up 6 15 in the dog's bedroom howling a a howling dog that gets anxiety when his owner when his owner leaves right next door next door. 6.15 on the dot every single day.
Have you met the dog yet? Oh, no. I have met the guy.
Very good guy. I've met the dog.
Good dog. What type of dog? I think it's got to be...
I don't know. Size.
What size? Give us a description of the dog. It's like medium-sized dog.
Sounds like you didn't get the dog eye contact. It dog it's a medium sized dog sounds like you didn't pet the dog it sounds like you can't describe the dog it's a medium sized dog okay so what does that mean anything i don't know it's like not like a like a toy dog but it's not like a lab stella yes kind of cell size okay.
Okay. It's just an issue.

What color is the dog?

It has woken me up at 6 o'clock every single day,

and I'm just anxious that for the rest of my time in this apartment,

I'm going to wake up at 6 o'clock.

Because it's not something you can complain about.

You can't go to...

Well, you could.

But what's the solution?

There's no solution.

The guy leaves for work, and the dog gets anxiety about the guy leaving for work. What if the guy...
Howl cries. Howl cries.
I got a solution for you. What if you just make such good friends with the dog that you offer the guy, hey, I'll take your dog for a walk in the morning if you'd like.
We talked about that, but then we still have to get up at 6 a.m. Wait, no.
What if he just opened your door and just left let the dog run it i just leave my door wide open well you give him a key and then he drops his dog off with you when he leaves then the dog would just come in what is it i thought about is the dog in a crate is the guy i have no idea so the the easy option is whatever wall you share with him which is what the bedroom wall yes he should put it he you should get the dog a crate and put it in in the far wall i think it's a studio oh so it's one room because i i looked at the uh you know when you get out of an elevator there's like a fire escape thing that shows all the all the layouts i'm pretty sure it's a studio so this has has been every single morning? Every morning since I moved in.

Well, I haven't had a weekend.

Here's an idea.

Here's an idea.

Do we think the guy's a listener?

No. Okay, great.

Perfect. We gotta figure out where he works.

We gotta get him fired.

That's easy.

We gotta get him fired.

Because then he won't have a job, and then he'll be at home all the time with his dog.

Or is he a single guy?

When I met him, he was by himself with the dog.

So it's just him in that apartment?

If I had to guess, yes.

So you need to get him a girlfriend.

Yeah, we got to hire a prostitute, pretty woman.

We've seen the plot of that movie.

That's not a bad idea.

She probably works nights. That's not a bad idea.
She'll be around in the morning. Prostitute girlfriend or get him fired.
I would actually work in conjunction. I kind of like the idea of Max just giving the guy a key and saying, I'll look after a dog in the mornings, let him into my apartment.
But that doesn't help my problem. Like the dog.
No, it's not going to help. It's got separation anxiety.
But it's still going to gonna wake me up no luckily it's only for like five minutes and then the dog and then the dog's quiet and i can go back to bed but it's still like waking up at 6 15 earplugs yeah that's sound machine sound machine is it was our first okay sound machine earplugs also maybe like make a hole in between your apartments and have a dog door yeah i don't know how that would work there's a real there's an easy solution that i don't want to do because i'm stubborn about it dog max what the fuck i moved into a two-bedroom i could just like it's the master that has two closets and a bathroom in it i could just go into the second you don't want to get bullied exactly that's that's exactly that's exactly yeah you can't do that then then i'm just like'm just succumbing to the situation. Then the dog wins.
I don't know if that was the right word, but I used it. Then the dog wins.
So, Max, you're a big Eagles fan. Have you thought about just wearing Mike Vick jerseys all the time around him and then seeing what the guy, maybe he moves out? This explains why you've been yawning.
It's stuck. I just said stucks.
It sucks. It stinks and it sucks.
Yeah. Stucks.
Imagine Max, though, like wearing sunglasses, a big bright green Philadelphia Eagles Mike Vick jersey knocking on his door and be like, hey, your dog's giving me some problems in the next morning. I thought about how frustrated I'm going to be after the first NFL Sunday when I get home at 3.30 and the dog, and I just wake up two and a half hours later to this dog.

When I say howling, I feel bad for the dog.

Scream crying.

Yeah.

You know the sound of, and it's loud, and it doesn't stop.

It's just like, oh!

Oh, no!

For five straight minutes. Max, can I put you on some game real quick? What's that? All right.
One thing I've been doing recently and I love. I got this.
Oh, yeah. You have told me about that.
At nighttime, I got a blindfold that I put on to go to sleep that has these earphones in them. They're like Bluetooth earphones.
So you can play like a podcast. You can play a video on YouTube.
you put your phone, plug it in on the nightstandphones so you can play like a podcast you can play a video on youtube you put your phone plug it in on the nightstand and you can listen to it as you fall asleep and it doesn't fall out it doesn't hurt your ears it's like very comfortable if you have something going in your ears like that you might not hear the dog in the morning and when your alarm goes off it'll play the alarm sound in your ears so you don't have to worry about missing your alarm yeah it's nice or you could kill the dog i'm not going to kill the dog you you want to kill the dog i'm not going to kill did the thought cross your mind no you no you have definitely yeah you thought about it i thought about you deep dark dark down thoughts you've thought about no no hey who's the guy who uh that clip where he's like more more 400 more 500 more isn't that the cat Michael Cohen someone asked me how many plays I'm going to add I thought that was the beers thing automatic someone asked me how many plays I'm going to add on Saturday college chicks automatic, automatic. Alright, Meemes, you got anything? My apartment door keeps getting stuck because apparently when it's so humid out, wood expands.
That's a fact. So I had to lube up my door with Vaseline for like 30 minutes and it still gets stuck.
Use Vaseline? Yeah, that's what my building manager told me. Not WD-40? No.

He said use that.

Still get stuck.

Oh.

So you can't get out?

Yeah.

You can't get in.

Which harder?

Can't get in, so it looks like I'm breaking into my apartment every single time.

I love that.

Damn.

That's worse than a dog.

Yeah.

Max hates dogs.

Love dogs.

Shane, what's up?

Shane, did you see softball got canceled?? Shane, did you see softball got canceled?

He said, did you see softball got canceled?

They said, update, they said, some number I don't have said,

just send us Pug and keep the other four.

And I said, okay, deal.

And I said, oh, shit, wait.

Pug is out of town.

Back to canceled.

So we're canceled. It's Tom Lay and his friends, right? That's the problem.
Yeah. And we've forfeited so many times.
The biggest problem is I think it's an awkward conversation for the guy who, because the guy asked us last week, will you be able to field a team this week? We said yes. Who? Like the league manager.
But you're never playing in this league again. I know.
That's what I'm thinking. League manager, if you're a listener, hit me up.
He'll be happy to get this. Yoast.
Yoast. Hit me up.
$100 free gift card to StellaBlue.com. StellaBlueCoffee.com.
All right. We'll figure this out.
All right. Numbers.
20. One.
Eight. 56.

21.

90?

Is that 90?

Looks like 90.

90. 90.