The 2024 Takie Awards, 28 Winners, Guest Presenters + Blake Of The Year

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Okay, let's go. Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's pardon of my take.
It's in my bar school sports. Welcome to part of my take presented by DraftKings.
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millionaire contest to get a bonus ticket and get a shot at being crowned one of two millionaires only on draft kings today is wednesday july 31st and it is the 2024 takeys yay yeah all right so Sports.

Sports.

If anyone is listening to their first takeies this is our yearly sports award that we do in the middle of summer it basically goes from the back half of 2023 to 2024 at this moment we have 28 awards that we are giving out tonight it will all culminate in podcast listener of the year award.

The AWLs are going for a ninth.

Nine Pete.

Holy shit.

Nine Pete would be a record.

It would be a record for most takeies won by anybody.

This is like John Wooden UCLA.

This Hamilton.

The 20 Yankees.

The pyramid of success of listening to part of my take.

You're part of it.

Yeah.

So it's going to be a great award show.

We should say, too, if you're listening and you want to watch we look good boys wearing suits get all kitted up boys looking nice even the boys in the booth yeah i would say uh the boys in the booth are looking they're looking good they're looking like i would say over three and a half duis between them yeah looking uh well no one of them's not paying child support huey definitely looks like a college kid going to court for the first time yeah like you got a you got a drunken public ticket yeah i'm gonna put on a collared shirt but i'm gonna keep the undershirt on probably not fully tucked in yeah but it's a good look and the judge is gonna give him a lenient sentence because he's gonna look and be like, man, this kid doesn't have a lot going on for him. Well, he's going to look at him and be like, your father owns a business.
You seem like a good kid. Let's learn from this.
Yeah. Max.
Max might be the one missing out on child support. I can't see memes.
No. Max looks like Huey's lawyer.
Yeah. Stand up memes.
This guy looks like an accountant. Yeah.
Actually looks pretty appropriate. appropriate uh memes uh memes looks like a pedophile now that i'm thinking about it because he didn't have his glasses on he looks like he's going yeah he gets to catch predator i was gonna say he looks like an amish kid that went on rumspringa and had too much fun uh learning how to do like uh like basic excel operations yeah so he's a former Amish kid that now loves computers

and works at a tech firm.

Us in here, we look good.

Hank, you look like a playboy.

Yeah, you look awesome.

Yeah.

Whenever you break out the round sunglasses,

you know Hank is either ready to do the takeies

or took way too many drugs.

He looks like...

Fact or fiction?

Ah, fiction. You look like a Beatles drug dealer circle glasses play I know squares are too too big for my my little face yeah it's kind of like an evil scientist type look too yeah you're cooking something weird yeah like a tech like a tech I'm in tech but I'm really just like selling drugs yeah you look like a futurist yeah you look like the guy that sits Elon down.
He comes in like the banana boat. He brings in a suitcase of ketamine and then tells him what the future is going to be with robots.
Yes. I like that.
Okay. That's a good job.
That's a good life. We also should have said at the start that in the past we've done cameos.
This year we wanted to bring it back home. Not all the time either.
Yeah,'t done it all a year we did it the last couple of years but this time we figured let's have our friends of the program our good friends recurring guests uh present a couple of the awards so we have some guest presenters that will be great uh for the listeners see some familiar faces some friends and uh yeah should we should we do it 28 awards to give out. Let's kick into it.
Okay, so we're going to start with the take of the year. We're starting off with a bang.
Whoa. Yeah, we're starting off with a bang.
Set the stage. You would think the takey's take of the year would be the finale, but not here.
That's actually the preemptive take towards the end. Take of the year, we have a lot.
We have a lot to get through. I want to laugh about a lot of these.
Shout out our good friend, Old Takes Exposed. He helps us with this every single year.
Let's just dive into it. I want to hear what you guys have to think about a lot of these.
Okay. A lot of these are takes that were said maybe a couple years ago, but they came true this year.
So that's when a good take usually takes a couple years to fully grow and become a beautiful tree and then we can harvest from it yeah you got to give it some time until it becomes flaming hot yes it really reaches uh the truth yeah so some of the ones that have come true this year that i loved uh this one is from uh neil ire on sb nation This was from from February 11, 2022 the Derek White trade is a disaster sorry folks, Brad Stevens made his first major mistake as GM. Oh that's a good take.
That's a good take that's a good take. Disaster.
Disaster and was the trade a disaster because Kyrie Irving was on the team? I don't know what exactly the trade, why it was a disaster, but Derek White was the ultimate glue guy for the Celtics championship run, was it not? And the first year, too. The first year was on the team.
Yeah. First two years.
Yeah. Maybe it was just he was saying, like, Kyrie Irving will never win a championship for the Celtics with this Derek White trade, which might have been true.
I think it was after Kyrie, because 2022, Kyrie was already on the nets. Okay.
Oh, yeah okay oh yeah yeah true but a disaster on the last experiment yeah uh here's one this will be a theme Colin Coward is is featured uh many times in this one this is from 2020 this one was beautiful to to watch sprout this year name the top 100 players ever hard to find many that didn't love the game passion matters to me but hey anthony edwards has great measurables i don't think you could think of one person that like loves the game more than anthony edwards does right now but i love those takes especially during nfl draft season where they're like i he's a great player but is he really in love with football yeah would he marry a Yeah. Yeah, Anthony Edwards, I would say he loves basketball.
He had a very good year, and he clearly cares a lot. And sometimes you don't have to care about – you don't have to love the sport if you just love winning so much that you just don't want to lose in anything you do.
Yes, yes, exactly. Here's a good one from Pierce W.
Huff. This is a call that should happen.
Hey, Monty Williams, this is Brad Stevens with the Celtics. I'm about to fire Joe Missoula.
Would you be interested in coaching our team? That's a great call. That was Coward 2.
No, that was Pierce W. Huff.
It would be a very funny phone call. Yeah, it would be.
Yeah, Monty Williams, although he's pretty good at getting paid. He might be just a good coach at getting paid.
paid that's true uh yeah i think it worked out well yeah it worked out great uh i want i want to do a little game called uh who said this quote you ready for this one i'm not leaving until i get a super bowl this is about a player that was drafted to a team stefan diggs nope oh drafted drafted to a team i'm not leaving until i get a super i'll say this right now i could give you a thousand guesses i don't think you'd get it zach wilson no mac jones no again a thousand guesses i don't think you get it that way lance no that was said by john watson desmond ritter after getting drafted by the falcons desmond ritter is now on the Arizona Cardinals. Oh, that's good to know.
I didn't know that. Yes.
That's good. So he did, in fact, leave before getting a Super Bowl for the Falcons.
In Atlanta. Yeah, you should just never say that as a Falcon.
Yeah. These are all very fun.
We addressed this one, actually, in February, but it's still one that needs to be revisited because in 2019, the Athletic wrote a piece and said, in case you missed it, Patrick Mahomes has thrown 36% of Troy Aikman's career touchdowns in about 8% of the games. And Troy Aikman quote tweeted that in 2019 and said, in case you missed it, talk to me when he has 33% of my Super Bowl titles.
He now has 100% of his Super Bowl titles. That was tough.
But Troy walked that back later. He was like, okay, he did it.
Yeah, he did it. He did it.
This one is from Nick Wright this May. He said, by the time the Celtics adjust to playing real playoff basketball, the Mavs are going to be up 3-1.
Hank, you like that one's a strong one that's a strong rate it was Nick one of the ones leading the charge at the Lakers were actually the the best team in the way yeah he was one of them yes and then he pivoted to the map we get any Kevin O'Connor Celtics takes I don't think I have any he had a lot of he did say the war yeah he said every team that the Celtics were playing was going to beat them yeah basically picked every team to win the championship except the Celtics he said the Nuggets, there's no that the Celtics were playing was going to beat them. Yeah.
Basically picked every team to win the championship except the Celtics. He said the Nuggets, there's no chance the Celtics could beat the Nuggets in a seven-game series.
A twofer for Cal. Cal said in February, we're built for March.
Not April. Not April.
They're built for March. Forgot about Golke.
Yeah. And then also the AD at Kentucky, Mitch Barnhart said, as we normally do at the end of every season, coach Cal and I have had a conversation about the direction of our men's basketball program.
And I can confirm that he will return for his 16th season as our head coach. Then something weird happened.
Then the chicken, the chicken man, the chicken man gave him a call. Yeah.
These are, these are all just fantastic. Again, shout out our guy, Old Takes Exposed.
We'll rip through a few more, and then we'll give you a winner. Mason Dodd said, hate to be the only grown-up in the room.
I like this one just because he's admitting he's the only grown-up in the room. Yeah, never a good idea.
Memes would love that, based on how he looks. Yeah.
Hate to be the only grown-up in the room, but Puka Nakua has no upside. Fifth-round rookie wide receiver on bottom five teams, don't move the needle.
I love a guy having a strong take about a fifth-round receiver, too. Like, hate this pick.
Yeah. I don't think this guy's going to be a superstar.
You're going out on a limb, and then when it gets cut out from under you, you look like a dumbass. Not only that, but just to be the hate to be the grown-up in the room, that really sets you up.
Yeah.

You never want to be the grown-up in the room.

No, you never want to. Nobody likes the grown-up in the room.

This one you will like, Hank.

Dan Orlovsky said in 2021 he believes Belichick will win another Super Bowl

with Mac Jones at QB.

And he said, Mac Jones is the best rookie QB that I have ever seen

since doing this job when it comes to knowing where to go with the football Thank you. with Mac Jones, a QB.
And he said, Mac Jones is the best rookie QB

that I have ever seen since doing this job

when it comes to knowing where to go with the football,

when to go with the football,

and how to throw that football.

Ever seen.

Ever seen.

Wait, what are the criteria that he has?

Knowing where to go with the football?

Where to go with the football?

Five years.

When to go with the football?

Yeah.

Nope.

When to go with the football.

How to throw the football. How to throw.
But he's's short but he doesn't specify actually throwing the football no that's the big one yeah so dan orlovsky might not be wrong about those three things with when how now there is a possibility that that belichick will win a super bowl at some point with mac jones that's true can't close that door yep uh similar to the cal one uh terryon arnold Alabama cornerback, said, Coach Saban ain't going nowhere. He's going to die coaching.
That one was nice. R.I.P.
That one was very nice. Max, you'll like these next two.
Congratulations to the 2023 NFC East champion Philadelphia Eagles. That was from November 5th, 2023.
And also Colin Coward said, he said, let me pull this up. National League just surrendered to the Phillies.
Nothing to be ashamed of. That was in 2023 fall.
Oh, that was before Max. How did those go? Not well.
Personal favorite of mine, Chad Johnson said in September 2023, all you fucking doubters, all you fuckers doubting Zach Wilson, don't jump on our bandwagon later. I didn't, and I won't.
I won't. I'm not going to.
I never did. Not going to.
Not going to jump on any bandwagons. There might have been one from the Bears from training campus that Sundays are going to be fun.
And then my last nominee is from Cade McNamara on playing QB for Iowa. Please just keep on saying it's the shittiest offense in college football.
Please just think we are going to be so shitty next year. Please.
That's a lot of pleases. Yeah.
And they're, I mean, they had a great punting system this year. Yeah.
Great punting system. Great return game.
Yeah. That's about it.
Punning. Yeah.
Good punning. Do you guys remember any of your takes that were notably bad i don't think i had a single bad one this year yeah i don't think so either i think i was 100 accurate i might have said justin fields is the guy 100 times but i also walked that back i might have said sam howell's the guy i might have said that there's no way the celtics are going to lose to luka or beat luka yeah, I had a good year.
Yeah, actually, you did because you either won or were terrible. Yeah, so the lighthouse was real.
Yeah, we'll get to that. We have a takey for that.
All right, so drum roll. The winner for the 2024 take of the year takey is Dan Orlovsky.
Congratulations. Dan Orlovsky.
Incredible. Saying he believes Belichick will win another Super Bowl with Mac Jones at QB.
Mac Jones is the best rookie QB that I've ever seen since doing this job when it comes to knowing where to go with the football, when to go with the football, and how to throw that football. Ever seen is just something you should not.
Ever seen is crazy. He was like the sixth Q the sixth qb drafted his class yeah it was between that and the hate to be the adult in the room uh where the where i think the two finalists because it's not uh to win the take of the year you have to really like do a say something in it that is so absolute that it's like come on man ever see the adult in the room is a tough one because you're already you're crowning yourself.
Yeah. By introducing or introducing your point that way.
The Orlovsky take about Mac Jones is noteworthy just because of how badly Mac Jones flamed out this. So you're getting you get benched multiple times for Bailey Zappi.
It's tough to say, well, you know what? Maybe he was a great maybe maybe we're misremembering maybe we're allowing the recent history of mac jones to not remember uh how great he was how great he was yeah we'll always have that season i also am now thinking about it i don't think there's ever been an adult in in in a room that has argued about a fifth round draft pick no no that's the exact opposite of being an adult the adult in the room says why are you guys arguing over a fifth round draft pick yeah hey this is crazy yeah hate to be the only one with a level head on my shoulders but let's have an argument about puka nakua yeah okay pft you have our next award yeah next up we're doing this is an award that i absolutely love yep we've done it i believe every year maybe not the first one but it's the lib of the year award lib of the year and we've got a stacked roster of nominees uh first off chris long oh for a career excellence in libnus this is a lifetime lifetime achievement award it's a participation trophy how many lib of the years has he won i believe two or three yeah he's he he lives he lives hard. He's like the Bagel Bites.

Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening.

He just lives.

Live in the morning, live in the evening,

live at suppertime.

Yeah, he's got the Lib Strong wristbands

that he wears all the time.

Chris Long's nominated.

Travis Kelsey also nominated.

Yeah.

His outstanding work in commercial performances.

Yeah, the Pfizer, trying to get the shot.

Yeah.

How much do you think he got paid for that? $4 million. Probably a lot.
Probably a lot. $4 million? I'd say more.
Do you think he got free shots for life? You should. Yeah.
You should. Yeah.
Also nominated, we have Billy Football. Oh.
Nominated for Lib of the Year. What do you do? He ran for office against a bunch of Republicans.
Oh, he must be a big Lib. Must be a big Lib then.
Yeah. And then final nominee is Jersey Jerry.
Jersey Jerry is nominated for Lib of the Year. He's talked on live streams a lot about how much he loves Joey B.
Yep. Joey B is his guy.
Yeah, he's actually been saying, he's been walking around the office being like, oh, you guys got to just trust in Mamala. Yep, Mamala.
That's his goat. So we have a very special presenter for Lib of the Year, political commentator Nick Adams, USA, from Australia.
G'day, boys. Nick Adams, alpha male here.
Now, this next award goes out to the most over-soyed Marxist on barstool staff. It's called the Lib of the Year.
This is a man, and I use that term lightly, who took dozens of hours to get a single hole in one on a golf simulator and takes his marching orders from pro-communist unions. I can confidently say he hasn't stepped foot inside a hooters in at least 10 years.
Without further ado, the 2024 Lib of the Year Award goes to Jersey Jerry. You should be ashamed of yourself son oh that's beautiful thank you nick i appreciate that jerry see if jerry's i just texted him to see if he can come accept it because i i i have to imagine he's so excited about this yeah he's named after a state that i can't remember the last time they went red that's true that's true jersey jerry what a lib Big lib.
That's what when I think of libs, I think of Jerry first. 100%, yeah.
First and foremost. He drives a foreign car.
Yeah, that is, yeah. Interesting.
Yeah. Okay.
I heard he actually is a vegetarian now. Yes, no, vegan.
Vegan Jersey Jerry. Vegan Jersey Jerry is what they're calling him.
Interesting. Yeah.
Okay, great award. We'll get Jerry to stop in when he gets in here to accept that award.
I'd like to just see his face, so how he reacts to that. Next up, we have death of the year.
Big year for death. Death, it put up some numbers.
Huge year for death. We had that string the weekend where it was Monty Kiffin, Shannon Doherty, and Richard Simmons all in one weekend.
It was like, what's going on? But the nominees, we have Richard Simmons, dead. Let's remember that he's dead.
Yeah. He was one of those.
He was definitely in the camp of, you could have told me he was dead five years ago. We've been like, sure.
Yeah. He would have been a great football yeah for one year motivator for one year yeah and then once things go wrong in the locker room you're like get this guy out of here yeah we lost uh oj simpson this year rest yes uh toby keith very sad yeah toby keith legend yep uh love toby keith and then we also lost Matthew Perry, who is nominated for death of the year.
Talented Mr. Roto.

No. Yeah, Toby Keith.
Legend. Yep.
Love Toby Keith. And then we also lost Matthew Perry, who is nominated for Death of the Year.
Talented Mr. Roto.
No, Matthew Perry. Perry with a P.
Matthew Perry. Yeah.
Okay. The winner for Death of the Year for 2024 Takey is O.J.
Simpson. Congrats, O.J.
You're dead you're dead you're so dead sorry much much much better football player than human being yeah and he's dead and he's very dead he's also extremely dead he's so fucking dead so dead dead is let the record show oj is fucking dead me i wouldn't die remember when hank found out? Because he died. Then that was one of my favorite parts of the year.
We got to actually put that clip in. We got to put that clip in.
That was incredible. That was in midst of Hank either missing shows because he was sleeping too late or he was all over the place sleeping.
Yeah. You actually missed OJ's death.
Yeah. OJ died.
Did you know that? What? OJ you know that what oh yeah oh nice we get to break the new egg oj's dead oj simpson dead simpson dead how dead died by death dead that's confirmed yeah confirmed dead everyone's been talking about it very dead that's insane he is dead Wow. That is absolutely insane.
I wish we hadn't told him. Yeah.

See how long could he go without knowing Tony.

He was back of the week on Monday.

Wow.

So, Hank, you didn't know OJ died?

No.

What are your thoughts on OJ?

Bad guy.

Yeah.

Good riddance.

And woke up at 11 a.m. one day on a show day and found out that OJ died.

I hope everybody out there had the pleasure and the opportunity of getting to break the OJ death news to somebody. Yes.
That was an honor to do that to Hank.m. one day on a show day and found out that OJ died.
I hope everybody out there had the pleasure and the opportunity of getting to break the OJ death noose to somebody.

Yes.

That was an honor to do that to Hank.

Yes.

Yes.

I didn't believe it.

Yeah.

No, he's dead.

Won the trophy and everything.

Dead person of the year.

Dead person of the year.

We should get death back on the podcast.

I agree.

Recurring guest.

We got to find him.

So, yeah.

What would you say for, like, you don't want him to rest in peace?

No. Rest and piss.
Rest and piss. Yeah, rest and yeah rest and piss r.i.p bozo rest and piss you won't be missed yeah welcome to hell bitch smoking on that simpson pack mm-hmm hell is your offensive line being 120 pounds and you gotta pound the rock i don't think oj would have held up over a 17-game season.
Agreed. Especially 18, too.

Yeah, couldn't play in today's NFL.

Someone threw out the idea, which I kind of liked.

Actually, I take that back.

I don't like it, but it was interesting.

18-game season, every player can only play a maximum of 16 games.

Oh, I like that. But then I was like, I don't like it because it would really suck to be excited about a game and be like, fuck, now we're watching Desmond Ritter.
Yeah. I like it in theory because it's chaos.
Yeah. It's a wrinkle.
Strategery would be awesome. I think it's 17.
You can't do two games. Everyone has to sit out one week? Yeah.
This sounds a lot like Little League where everybody gets to play. And I was thinking about it.
The more I was thinking about it, I was like, all right, I liked it at first. And then I thought I definitely would get fucked because I'd bet a line on Monday.
And then they'd be like, this is the game we're throwing. Yeah.
And I'd get fucked. Yeah.
I'd be so furious. A lot of reasons why that probably wouldn't work out in reality.
But it's fun to think about. It's a fun idea.
It's a thought experiment. It's a very good greenie rule.
This is how dudes use our imagination. Yeah.
We just think about wrinkles to the 18-game season puzzle. Yeah.
18 games is so good. We should get, like, what was the movie where they were cracking the code for the Nazis? Or they were cracking the code of the Nazis? Imitation game? Imitation game.
We need that. We need a camp with nerds trying to figure out the perfect 18 game schedule.
It would be very funny though, to see if, if they did have that rule where each player could only play 16 games, the dumbest coaches would think that they had it figured out and they completely screw it up. Correct.
That, that would be like Mike McCarthy would absolutely fuck that idea up. Yes, absolutely.
Uh, yeah, he'd sit his entire defense. Next week sit his entire offense.
He'd sit Dak and CeeDee Lamb at the same time. Yeah.
And be like, we're using this as an opportunity to see what a roster is going to look like next season. Yeah, and then the week that they don't sit, they would sit Dak and CeeDee Lamb, and then a different week he would sit the entire offensive line.
Yeah. Dak would get killed.
Yeah. It was like, God damn it, Mike McCarthy.
Our computer guys told us this was the right move. Yeah.
Okay, next up. Next up we have the Lighthouse of the Year.
Ooh. The Lighthouse of the Year.
A lot of good lighthouses out there. This is a huge year.
Maybe the biggest year in the history of this show for lighthouses. I'd say they're having a moment.
The nominees are, to the lighthouse, the book. Oh.
Nominated. It's a great book.
Was that the book? Late read. We got them? I got them? I don't know.
Did I get you a book? You bought Hank. That's the meanest thing you could do.
Yeah. It was a children's book.
Okay. Was it about lighthouses? It was about lighthouses.
Yeah, we read it. It was in the old office.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, that book is also nominated.
Okay. Whatever that book was called.
Hank, you remember it? Mm-hmm. What was it called? I don't know.
Okay. I remember the book.
I don't remember the name. You remember seeing a book? You saw a book and you ran the other direction.
Hank's seen so many books in his life. Hank thinks see something, say something is about books.
Yeah. Hank, do you own any books? I do.
What books do you own in your home? Hank sees a backpack full of books and he calls the cops. I have a Larry Bird biography that I've read like 10 pages of at multiple points.
Hey, listen, I've started over 40 books in the last five years, not finished a single one of them. So I'm with you on on that i have a book about habit that i'm also trying to read about breaking breaking bad habits okay but you can't i have you can't focus enough no no no that's uh i mean that i've read it before though it's wait so like 10 years ago so you have read? Yes.
Why are you rereading the book about...

Because it didn't work.

Is this Sisyphus?

Pushing it up the cliff?

Yeah, Hank trying to start a book about having good habits that would help him read a book

in a timely fashion.

Is there spark notes to this book?

I don't know.

There's an audio book.

I've downloaded that too.

And you still haven't gotten to it?

No.

I love that.

I love that for you. So we've got two Lighthouse lighthouse books nominated we've got the cape hatteras lighthouse in north carolina who um the tallest lighthouse in the united states okay according to the united states coast guard respect the military and the troops uh the old lighthouse at gillette stadium is nominated it was a great lighthouse it was awesome everyone loved it they won championships they won super bowls with that lighthouse then the new gillette lighthouse is also nominated the losingest lighthouse in the history of the new england patriots by far yes mickey mouse cartoon light i mean hank fact or fiction things have gone badly since the new lighthouse came out uh no new lighthouse was last year and they had gone badly two years ago but they haven't gotten better yet i'd say they got worse they fired a whole we have a new we have fired bill belichick is no longer your coach you lost a legendary quarterback whose throws when where how where he knows where to put it things were all coming together with mac jones the best rookie quarterback season of all time and then you just got rid of all that and uh and now you're shit and now you have a quarterback that it looks like he throws a heavy ball yeah so the winner of the 2024 lighthouse of the year yes is the old lighthouse old lighthouse.
That lighthouse was awesome.

Real one.

It was a real one.

Multiple Super Bowl dynasty,

the dynasty lighthouse.

So PFT,

hold on one sec,

Jerry,

stay right there.

If the new lighthouse didn't win,

could someone say that it's not even a lighthouse?

It's not a lighthouse.

It should not have been nominated.

Yeah.

Cause it's a fake light.

Well,

you also nominated a book, which isn't a lighthouse. It's not have been nominated.
Yeah. Because it's a fake lighthouse.
Well, you also nominated a book, which isn't a lighthouse. Your new lighthouse is a giant butt plug, and it sucks, and everyone hates it.
Nope. You don't win football games.
It's a great lighthouse. I have a question.
Hey, do you ever think you're going to light the lighthouse? I have a question, yeah. Okay.
If I was hypothetically asked to be the keeper of the lighthouse for a Thursday preseason game. Yeah.
In August. Yeah.
Could i do it what what does keeping a lighthouse entail lighting the light are you just standing at the top being like no this is a real lighthouse yeah it's real to me yeah hank i give you permission to be the keeper of the lighthouse against maybe the eagles if if you read a book about a lighthouse yeah full book okay and you Okay. And you finish your habits book.
Okay. Okay.
Yes. All right, good.
All right, so congrats to that lighthouse. Congrats to the old lighthouse.
What a wonderful lighthouse you were. We have winner here, Jersey Jerry.
He's going to accept his award. He also forgot his wallet.
He's been looking forward. Jerry, we're doing the takeies right now, the 2024 takeies.
You have won an award. Thank you.
Which comes with a cash prize as well. Oh, there we go.
Right up my alley. You love cash.
Yeah, you love cash. That's off, but we'll be all right.
Would you like to know what award you won? Yeah, of course. Okay, PFT.
You won the Lib of the Year Award. For all your work in the liberal community.
Pro-union guy. Pro-union guy.
Youunion guy you're a big mama guy no i'm not you're asking for handouts yep i'm not i'm not no no i didn't i'm not a lib that's number one well you won the award one of the year so who voted on this uh many voters it was yeah it was a true democracy yeah so there will be a graphic that says lib of the year jersey Jersey Jerry. Jerry's trying to rig the vote.
Yeah. Very Lib of him.
Very Lib. Oh, whoops.
I don't want to accept the award. Okay, well, you can't not accept it.
Yeah. It's been given to you.
You hate meritocracy. You hate the fact that you won something.
Oh, I think Jerry's a participation trophy guy, a true Lib. He wants everyone to win the award.
That's true. I don't.
I don't think I've ever even asked to be put up for this award. Oh, wow.
No, no one asked to be nominated. Also, Jerry, aren't you happy? Like, the voting for the takeies is secretive, and some may say a coup, which is exactly what you people do.
I don't do any of that. Okay.
I don't do any of that stuff. Like, zero.
I don't even want to talk about what my theories and stuff are, but my theories are anti-lib. I don't know.
It seems like the case has been laid pretty clearly. Yeah.
You look like a lib. Oh, look at Jerry.
He's so happy he's won this award. He's just trying to give it to everyone else in sight.
Give it to Hank. Can you give it to Hank? No, no.
You're wearing a hat from Pittsburgh. Yeah.
You love the Steelers. Yep.
Unions. Where's Joe Budden from? Delaware.
I believe he's from Scranton, Pennsylvania. Yeah, he's from Pennsylvania.
Oh, is he? He's from Pennsylvania. You are on the record saying you're a Joey B guy.
Yes, but. Alright, there we go.
Thank you, Jerry. Live of the year.

Live of the year. Congratulations.

Jerry, in lieu of a cash

prize, I will be donating

your cash prize to the Democratic

Party. Oh yeah, they just got

$90 million. They'll be good.
Yeah, you asked for that before.

So, like you said, your words, not mine.

Mamala's going all the way.

She is. She is.

He just said she is.

Yeah, yeah.

He said she is.

Yep.

Live of the year.

Jersey Jerry.

All right.

Where were we?

Lighthouse.

I just said Lighthouse.

We awarded to the old Lighthouse.

Yeah.

Okay.

Next up.

Big one.

Viral woman of the year.

Ooh.

Carousel.

A lot of viral women.

A lot of viral women this year.

Herpes joke, Hank. Yeah.

Allegedly.

Pam Anderson confirmed.

Oh, hepatitis too. Yeah.

Okay.

C or B.

Which one would you prefer?

Yeah, you choose. B.

I think that's the wrong one. I think she might have C.

Yeah, I think she has C. So now now you have b uh viral woman of the year we have the chargers fan remember her yeah she was really into the charger that was crazy plant that was nuts and the paid actor industry plant paid actress yeah the craziest i still don't really know what happened there uh we have hock to a girl she's burning bright that is as viral as viral gets yeah um lean to the plug yep went viral probably very viral yep that was a crazy story that was a moment what was the story uh adam 22 uh let a guy fuck his wife.
Yeah, on camera, in front of him, for the podcast. And then got mad about his wife getting fucked.
Yeah. Because people made fun of him.
And it, again, don't want to say that we play the game the right way, but you don't see us, any of us getting fucked on camera for views. You will never see that.
No one wants to fuck us on camera. Maybe, Huey.

I'd watch a video.

Look at him.

Yeah.

I would.

I don't want him to, but I would.

If you put it in front of me, and you're like, check this out, Huey's laying pipe, you wouldn't look away?

I would have to look.

I'd have to look.

It'd be morbid curiosity.

We would never stoop to the level of a podcast like No Jumper and have one person on our podcast try to get set up with another guest on our podcast right exactly that's disgusting yeah and i don't think it should happen yeah uh and then finally the oilers fan yeah or her viral moments uh almost getting them to a stanley cup she was great she was great i really appreciate that appreciate that moment. She was great.
Okay, so we have a special guest, our good friend, Paul Bissonette, giving us the winner of Viral Woman of the Year. Hello, pardon my take fans.
Paul Bissonette here from the Spittin' Chickles podcast for a very special announcement. It is an honor to have been selected to hand out an award for the 2024 Takey Awards.
And I will be presenting today the 2024 Takey Award for Most Viral Woman. And some of you are going to be shocked by the winner, but I don't care.
And without further ado, drumroll please. Get that spit off my face.
And the winner of the 2024 Takey Award for Most Viral Woman goes to Oilers Girl Kate. Those luscious tits made so many people happy on the internet.
It propelled the Edmonton Oilers to a long playoff run that just fell short. But she still deserves a ring based on those beautiful boobies.
Now, some of you, I know what you're saying. Hawk Tua deserved this, but just you remember, Oilers girl walked so Hawk Tua could run.
And that's a wrap. Okay, so congratulations.
Congratulations to the Oilers fan. Very happy for the A-Cups.
She went on spitting chiclets. She's RA's girlfriend.
She's RA's girlfriend. So incredible viral run for her.
I mean. And also, I appreciated it when she came out so strongly against the haters.
Yes. That really made me think.
Yes. Okay, what do we have next? Next up, we have the Joe of the Year.
Joe of the Year. A lot of great Joes this year.
Big year for Joes. Huge year for Joes.
First nominee is Joe Mazzula. Ooh.
Coach of the Boston Celtics. Best friend.
Legend. Stepfather to Henry Lockwood.
Thanks, best friend. He poured beer on you.
Joe Biden, also nominated for Joe Biden. Poured honey on him.
Wait, what? You're pouring honey on Joe Biden?

On Joe Missoula.

You poured honey on him?

Goat.

Wait, is that the LeBron reference where it's like, pour honey on him and then pray for the bear?

LeBron posted an Instagram and said, me and the bear in the same forest, pray for the

bear or whatever.

Yeah.

And then Shannon Sharp.

That's right.

I'm pouring honey on you, goat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're pouring honey on Joe. How fast would Joe Missoula kick your ass if you poured honey on him? Very fast.
That would be an awesome. He was ready to kick my ass when I was putting on sunscreen.
He's probably training. Joe Biden also nominated for Joe.
Still alive. For being still alive.
Still alive. We think.
Jojo Siwa nominated for Joe of the Year. Don't know who that is.
If you have two Joes, do you have one? Who is JoJo Siwa? I know. She's a talker, YouTuber.
Dancer. Dancer.
Love her work. Love her work in the Joker.
And reality TV star. What'd she do this year? She did, I forget what show it was called.
It was on ABC.

It was like...

She's on Disney Channel.

Disney Channel, yeah. That's what I was about to say.

Oh, yeah. Disney Channel.

She just had a big year.

She sounded like a big JoJo Siwa film.

She was on a show that they advertised during Sunday Night Football every week.

Ah. That show.

A show that... Is it the one where they...

Sorry, we were watching football.

Well, it was commercial football. Yeah, I'm still thinking about football.
Yeah, I'm thinking about what I just watched. Yeah.
Okay, JoJo Siwa nominated for Joe of the Year. Also nominated for Joe of the Year, Joel Embiid.
Oh! He is a Joe. He had a pretty big year.
He went all the way to the conference finals. Conference semifinals.
Conference quarterfinals. Conference quarterfinals.
He just had a really good game in the Olympic exhibition. Oh, that's great.
He had a great game against Germany in the Olympic exhibition game. On a super team.
Yeah. So, huge year.
That's probably the most important game he's ever played in. That actually, we did the voting before that game.
This might change everything. This kind of sways things.
Yeah. JoJo Siwa blew up on dance moms.
She's a mom? No, she was the dancer. Oh, she had a mom.
Yeah. Yeah, she was a dancer.
She's a dancer with a mom. They don't make those anymore.
And Meme said she was a L.A. TV.
That's a great idea for a show. What is that show? Dance Moms? It's like the children.
She was like a young child. It's a creepy show.
It's a very creepy show. It's a very, very creepy show.
It's about the moms of these children. I would say Honey Boo Boo adjacent.
Yes. Got it.
Special Forces World's Toughest Test on Fox. That was the show.
Special Forces World's Toughest Test. On Sunday Night Football, they were advertising for Fox? No, it must have been.
It's wild. Yeah, so.
Whatever. You know what I mean.
It's fine. JoJo Siwa, big fan.
Huge. This podcast is.
There should be a podcast mom show. Yeah.
I was thinking we'd just do a TV dad show. It's just my kids watching TV.
A TV show about kids watching TV? It's me turning on the TV. And then Bluey's on.
Yeah. And then it's like, all right.
And that was the episode. When you were talking about Bluey, I had no idea what a drug Bluey was for kids.
But there was a friend that came into town. Their five-year-old stayed with us.
And the kid was jumping all over the basement, punching walls, throwing stuff around, just in a bad mood. I go down there.
I turn on Bluey. Yeah.
And it's like hypnotized it's also the greatest show ever created because it's seven minutes long so you can tell a kid hey you get you get to watch three more blueys that feels like a million yeah to a kid and they're like three more yeah blue is i'll never run out 20 minutes done bluey is a drug for kids for for sure. Yeah.
So here to present- Bluey's a girl. Wait, she is? Yeah.
That just fucking blew my mind. Yeah, bingo.
They're sisters. Also, very funny because they did a really good job with Bluey.
Bluey's dad works at the airport. Okay.
He's a drug sniffing dog. That's fun.
And his Bluey's mom- Wait, his dad's a narc? Yeah, I guess so. Maybe a bomb sniffing dog.
Okay fun and his blue his mom wait his dad's a narc yeah i guess so maybe bomb sniffing dog and then his mom is an archaeologist bone sniffing dog yes i like that pretty cool that's very good it's pretty cool they did a good job one of them should work in the white house uh next up we have the presenter yes for the joe of the year award our good friend joe buck'm at Dick's Sporting Goods, so it is my distinct honor to present the 2024 Takey Award to the Dick of the Year.

No!

He's right.

I'm Joe, and it's my honor to present the 2024 Takey Award to the Joe of the Year, to Joe Mazzula, the Boston Celtics head coach. Congratulations, Joe.
Incredible video. Wait, can we pause real quick? Let's take a second to admire Joe Buck's outfit.
Yeah, I thought it was jean shorts at first. I don't know if it is.
I'm going to choose to believe these are jean shorts. Yeah.
Because this is the best dad outfit I've ever seen in my entire life. Well, this is like his St.
Louis is really showing. Yeah.

He's wearing jean shorts tucked in with a belt.

Tucked in t-shirt.

Yeah.

To jean shorts.

Dad hat.

Yeah.

He looks great.

And his son hit the moonwalk.

We love Joe.

Joe is one of our favorite recurring guests.

Can't tell the history of part of my take without Joe Buck.

He can't.

And he actually didn't take any.

When I texted him asking him for this, he didn't take any offense that he wasn't nominated for Joe of the Year year that's okay he knows he had an off year yeah he's got something to aspire for yeah aspire to uh yeah he did have an off year he didn't he called zero games where someone almost died yep sad so kind of set the bar and he wasn't able to live up to it very sad congratulations hank to your best friend did you tell him i did tell him yeah what'd he say uh he hasn't responded yet oh best friends, to your best friend. Did you tell him? I did tell him.
Yeah? What did he say?

He hasn't responded yet.

Oh, best friends.

That's just best friend language.

Yeah.

You guys don't have to talk to be best friends.

He's probably upset that he won the award.

He's going to get complacent.

That's true. Did we poison the Celtics by giving him Joe of the Year?

It would be a real shame.

That would be a real shame.

Okay, next up.

Girlfriend of the Year. Girlfriend of the Year.
Big time award. We have some big time nominees.
First up, it is Taylor Swift, who was very prominently during the football season. Matt Smith.
What? For dating Matt Smith. Oh, no.
But she did do that, and was problematic wait mattie healy or matt healy yeah come on hank get up on your lure yeah come on uh she was she she started dating travis kelsey this year some may say travis kelsey is taylor swift's boyfriend depends on the season i would say right now he's boyfriend he's boyfriend football season she's girlfriend i mean travis has a good case for boyfriend of the year too yeah that's true that's true uh kyle filpowski's girlfriend she's um they've been together for a long time no one put in more work than her and everything played out perfectly yeah like she is the mastermind to use a taylor swift lyric uh she plotted this out and's in Utah. Yeah.
Minus the whole part of him slipping out of the first round because of people questioning their relationship. Yeah.
Still don't really know how Duke was able to keep that under wraps for two years. It's very strange.
Very, very strange. She also nursed him back to health though.
So let's give her some credit after he had that devastating leg injury after the court storming.'s true he came back in record time and some people thought he was dead yeah uh and then finally jake browning's girlfriend who uh took the league by storm in week 17 in joe burrow's box yeah it was uh i remember where i was when i watched that yeah very nice lady okay so uh we have a guest presenter for girlfriend of the year. Is she anyone's girlfriend? Not to my knowledge.
Okay. Has she ever been someone's girlfriend? Sure.
She has been. Okay.
Yeah, definitely. At some point.
Would she, would she also say that she was a girlfriend? In her life? Yeah, definitely. Would you say recently she's been a girlfriend? I don't know the answer to that.

Okay.

But she's currently no one's girlfriend.

I don't know the answer to that either.

When was the last time she was someone's girlfriend?

I don't know the answer to that either.

Okay.

Have you ever been someone's boyfriend, Hank?

Have I?

Yeah.

And Tiffany, the mystery presenter, has at one point been someone's girlfriend.

Yeah.

That's kind of a coincidence.

That is a coincidence.

It seems like that's almost-

Wild.

Like it's a key in a hole.

Yeah.

Okay.

Like a knee in a wall.

Let's girlfriend. Yeah.
That's kind of a coincidence. That is a coincidence.
It seems like that's almost. Wild.
Like it's a key in a hole. Yeah.
Okay. Like a knee in a wall.
Let's go to our guest presenter for Girlfriend of the Year. Hey guys.
Tiffany Gomez here to present to you your 2024 Girlfriend of the Year Takey Award. Nominees are Miss Taylor Swift.
No explanation needed. Jake Browning's girlfriend, Stephanie Niles, that went viral for her white bodysuit.
And lastly, Kyle Filipowski's girlfriend, which I think we all know. And I think we all know is not going to win.
Lastly, I think I'd be in the running if someone didn't fumble,

but not mentioning any names.

But, nonetheless,

our winner is Miss Taylor Swift.

Okay, what incredible... Great work.

Great work, Tiffany. Tiff.
We love Tiff.

Gomas. Gomas.

You should rekindle that.

We kind of

have. Yeah, just through this team messaging.
this messaging yeah how he's checked in yeah I mean I don't want to I don't want to get into specifics but you're checked in well he had to she can't check in he had to hit her up she's not allowed to FAA that's true she wanted to go to Paris for the Olympics with you too soon oh man it's like this week she, man. It's like this week.
She invited you to France, the most romantic country in the world. Would have been a great place to get down on one knee.
She also DMed him on TikTok. Oh, yeah.
Max does know all the DMs on TikTok that Hank gets. Yeah, somehow Max is logged into my TikTok, which I don't really use.
I just get emails whenever Hank gets a DM on TikTok. Oh, I love it.
And I was with Big big cat and i was like look look hank just got a dm what does the dm say i couldn't i can't see what the dm says i just get an email that says you have received a direct message from tiktok by tiffany gomas gomas i think that i think the dm said uh want to go to paris in a lope. Yeah.
No. No.
Marry me. Yeah.
Yes or no. False.
If she proposed to you, you'd have to say yes. Yeah.
I don't have that in me to say no. Yeah, right.
You'd figure it out later. Say yes in the moment.
Yeah. That'd be a hell of a wedding.
Yeah. Couldn't be be great.
It would be fun. Okay.

Also, I think Jerry O'Connell would possibly be a bridesmaid.

No, he'd have to marry us.

No, because he'd get to the part where it's like, speak now or forever, hold your peace,

and he'd be like, I object.

Yeah.

I personally object.

Me.

I'm here.

I should be Hank.

Okay, next up.

Yeah, the kiss the bride part he would love.

Oh, yeah.

He'd get involved.

It would be a triple kiss.

Yeah.

He'd need a little sheet to stand behind for the kiss the bride. Sounds like a movie.
Next up. Next up, we have Dom of the Year.
Ooh. Dom of the Year.
Great award. This is the first year that we've ever presented this.
Yeah. But we've got some good nominees here.
First up is Big Dom. Oh, yeah.
The Fluffy Eagles. Fluffy Eagles.
Remember when he got kicked out of that game that rocked? Show your football. Oh, yeah, my football is somewhere.
Where's my football? Oh, I got it. Where's my football? Big Dom said he said, My Paisans game ball presented a big cat from Big Dom.
Incredible. He's the best.
He is the best. We were going to actually get him to try to be a guest presenter, and then we decided, you know what? Let's not burn that relationship with something as frivolous as the takeies.
Not that the takeies are frivolous. To Big Dom, they wouldn't.
But we would want- He's a football guy. First time Big Dom comes on the show, needs to be in person, and we have to have at least 45 minutes with him.
And also a lot of chicken parm. Yep.
Shitloads. Big Dom nominated.

Okay.

Also nominated.

Dom of the year.

Yes.

The Dom of the year from last year from the viral Dave Portnoy.

Pizza review.

Yes.

Yes.

Which was, he just kept on yelling Dom of the year, Dom of the year.

That guy, self-anointed Dom of the year.

Self-anointed.

Next up, we have Max's nephew.

Yes. Named Dom.
Dominic Delente. Shout out, baby Dom.
Shout out, baby Dom. Baby Dom.
I love that. I think we should...
I think right now, I don't know who wins Dom of the Year, but similar to when Nick Saban gives a scholarship offer to a five-year-old, I think we should give an internship offer to Dominic delente i'm okay with that in 18 years time he he is he has an open internship offer to dominic delente you sign sign him up right now lock him up yep big moment for baby dom that's a huge moment huge moment for baby now the problem is it's going to be huey and memes hosting this show it's going to be no one listening but he he will be an intern. Yeah, we're ending Italian unemployment one baby at a time.
Yes, he's got a job. Also nominated for Dom of the Year, Taylor Swift.
Yeah, interesting. She kind of wears the pants in that relationship.
Yeah, she's just one girlfriend of the year, so could she go back to back? We'll see. We've never had a back to back.
You haven't? We've never had a back toto-back you had a back-to-back i've never had a back-to-back yeah what is that that's if that was a number would that be a 96 you'd be 96ing 11 no that's spooning no back-to-back back-to-back spooning would be more like 7 7 yeah something like that back to Back-to-back. I think back-to-back is 96.
I think it's 96. Is back-to-back one of the scariest phrases you can say to a short man? Yes.
100%. Also because I watched Wrecking for a Dream one time.
And back-to-back has a different meaning there. Yeah.
Okay. So, the Dom of the Year Award goes to...
Big Dom. Yes! Big Dom.
Big Dom! Huge work in the field of Dom-ness. You crushed it, man.
You crushed it. The Eagles couldn't win without you.
Yeah. Took the world by storm.
The season fell apart the minute Big Dom got off that sideline. And got a massive promotion.
Yep. He's now director of what? think he just is the philadelphia eagles yeah he's the whole the build the whole team out of big dom yep yeah could win a lot of games uh what is he max what's his his actual he just max just searched big dom promotion you'd think you'd have this in charge of game day coaching he's coaching game eagles add game day coaching operation title to dom disandro's growing responsibilities i think they did this as a so he can't get kicked out anymore they should also make him director of sanitation yes yes uh okay big dom upgrade eagles security chief dom disandro receives promotion to make it harder for nfl discipline inine him after.
I love that. After 2023 ban.
They basically are protecting Dom. That's really solid.
Yeah. Yeah.
You should. I mean, players should be promoted to some sort of coaching title to make it harder for discipline.
I feel like Goodell is going to do whatever the equivalent of a Rico Act will be for the Eagles. Yeah.
Don't say nothing. He's trying to take down the whole operation.
Okay, next up, Italian of the Year. Ooh.
Big year for Italians. Big, big year.
We had one of the Italians that took the world by storm. Tommy DeVito is nominated.
Tommy. He had a couple really good games.
It was so much fun. That Monday night game, the world was going crazy.
Everyone was doing the fingers. Yep.
And his family. It was the perfect time and place.
We knew that it probably wasn't going to last forever, but when it was happening, we were just embracing it. We also have Big Dom.
Big Dom. It's been nominated.
Huge, huge work. Can we do the back-to-back? First time ever.
Also nominated, Caitlin Clark. People don't realize she's Italian.
Half Italian. She's half Italian.
Italian. A great Italian-American who is growing the game of women's basketball.
And finally, we have Sean Stellato, Tommy DeVito's agent, who is a recurring guest. And he couldn't be more Italian if he tried.
Already a Hall of Famer. Yeah, Italian Hall of Fame.
You see, he met the Pope. He did meet.
That was the most Italian thing ever. Yeah.
That was probably a big, big day. But yeah, he came in when he was being inducted into the Italian Sports Hall of Fame that is located in Chicago.
So congrats to Sean. We have a special guest who is presenting this award.

We do. Is she Italian?

She is. Oh.
It's

Diana Rossini. Also a great

reporter. Great reporter.
Thorough.

Very thorough. Very accurate.

Memes was just booed.

Oh, memes.

She's our guest presenter, memes.

Guess what? She just got another source.

Wow, memes? You booed our presenter? Damn. Okay, let's play the video.
Oh, hi. I'm Italian reporter Diana Marie Rossini, here to present the Italian of the year.
Whether you're 100% Italian like me, or you just like to be like Giada and sprinkle in your Italian words, like caramá, mozzarella, gabagú. Or if you're like PFT and you're 1% Sicilian, or perhaps your offspring like Big Cat has a little meatball in them.
It doesn't matter. Everybody knows all Italians love three things.
We love to eat, we love to love, and we love to fight. Which is why this year, the Italian of the Year goes to Big Dom with the Philadelphia Eagles.
We still have no idea what your job is. I like that she added the Marie.
Diana Marie Rossini. How many vowels can you end in names? It's important to add that.
I also like how she was stirring up pasta, but it was pasta salad. Yeah.
It looked good. Yeah, it did.
Yeah. Congratulations.
Dom has won the first ever back-to-back takeies. That's very impressive for Dom.
Big Dom. He came onto the scene.
I actually think this is a bad job. Big Dom coming onto the scene of the NFL this year showed what a bad job we did as NFL fans.
Correct. And NFL podcasters.
The fact that we did not already know about Big Dom was a massive blind spot in this show.

Yes.

So we do apologize for that.

I also blame Max for not bringing Big Dom.

Yeah, you should have told us.

You should have told us.

What part of Big Dom's life made you think that we would not want to be interested in it?

The second we laid eyes on him, we're like, we love this guy to death.

I don't know.

It never came up. Yeah.
What else are you hiding from us max seriously don't worry about it okay there's definitely another italian yeah there's some phillies or something you got a guy we gotta fucking know this guy okay uh next award actually let's do a quick ad uh the takeies are presented by coors light our favorite beer in the world the. The perfect summer playlist may be elusive, but one thing is for sure, it gets better when it's enjoyed with a cold Coors Light, because music plus Coors Light equals chill amplified.
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Thank you to Coors Light. We couldn't do the takeies.
We couldn't do PMT without Coors Light. So go crack open a nice cold Coors Light.
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We've got a lot of awards still coming up. So thank you to Coors Light.
Okay, next up. Next up, we have a very important award.
It's the Why Didn't They Put a Guy on That Shooter Award. award oh and we've got some great nominees okay first up dante di vincenzo he was electric at the end of that game against the 76ers they're also very italian yes extreme i mean you got the triple threat you got you got the italian guy you got uh the villanova guy and you got the new y York Knicks guy just taking Max out.
Yes. It was a bad day for Max.
We also have Peyton Pritchard nominated for his outstanding performance in the last second of quarters. Just put a guy on him.
Why didn't you put a guy on that shooter? Next up, we have Trump's assassin. Should have put a guy on him.
Yep. Definitely should have put a guy on him.
Should have put a guy on him. I think they saw him on the roof.
A guy should have been there. Sloped roof.
Where were the guys? Should have put a guy on him yep definitely should have put a guy should have put a guy on him i think they they saw him on the roof a guy should have been there sloped roof where were the guys should have put a guy on is he an assassin or attempted would be assassin would be assassin i think you can't give him that title yeah shooter yeah you know he doesn't get yeah he doesn't get assassin yeah just he just ass yeah and also nominated is zach gulke jack jack sorry Jack Golki. That's okay.
Jack Golke. Jack Golke nominated.
You got it. I got it.
Put a guy on that guy, Cal. Big time put a guy on that guy.
Cal should have put a guy on Jack. He didn't know that Jack Golke is wetter than wet.
And the winner of the Why Didn't They Put a Man on That Shooter Award is Jack Golke. Yes! Jack Golke.
Congrats, Jack. Great work.
They should have put a guy on you, though. Golke was, I mean, he was made in a lab for March Madness.
Get a hand in his face. Just the perfect.
I really do think that the NCAA, like, for all the hand-wringing of, like, the game is changing so much, make a Jack Golke rule that basically we just get to vote on five guys every March Madness that no matter their eligibility, they get to stay another year. It'd be nice.
Because Jack Golke this year would be such a fun story to watch. Just turn on a random Oakland game and be like, oh, Jack Golke's going off again.
The thing is, Jack Golke could beat anybody on the right night. Yes.

He can.

He showed that.

Yep.

He showed that.

Okay, next award up.

This is a doozy, boys.

Because we might have a back-to-back winner.

Another one?

No, not back-to-back, but back-to-back years.

It is the still alive person of the year Tommy Lasorda Memorial? Tommy Lasorda John Madden Memorial. I think Queen Elizabeth, too.
No, fuck her. Yeah.
Bill Russell. Lizzie's in a box.
In a box, in a box. Lizzie's in a box, in a box, in a box um we have given this award uh every single year I think most years uh the takeies and a lot of times the person dies that year yeah who was the first one uh I don't remember who did we actually go see death about I would sort of sort of sort of yes it might have been sort it might be the tommy lasorda award either way the still alive person of the year this is a person you can't believe is still alive the nominees are joe biden possibly still alive still alive by the time this airs he's like a we are taping this a week before we air it.
He's like step alive. Okay.
Or like

a... He's like a divorced dad.

He's alive every other weekend. And we don't want to

jinx this, by the way. We don't want any of these people

to die. We don't want this to become a jinx thing.

Joe Biden's still alive.

Donald Trump's still

alive. Mm-hmm.
Yep.

By inches. By inches.

Nancy Pelosi's still alive.

Physically. Physically still alive.
Physically.

Physically still alive.

Cannons.

What?

I don't get it.

I mean, hey, you, you cannons.

Yeah, I wasn't familiar with their game.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Cannons.

Cannons.

Cannons.

Mitch McConnell still alive as long as they keep plugging him back in. Turkey.
Turkey. Turkey.
Gobbler. Yeah, Gobbler.
Turtle. Turtle, yeah.
And Jimmy Carter, who won it last year. Now, this would be an amazing run and still alive for Jimmy Carter because I believe he's been in hospice for like two years.
We talked about it when it happened. But his grandson said that there are some days he just doesn't wake up, which is a telltale sign of being dead.
That's true. Not waking up is dead or you'd be hibernating.
Yeah. So some days he just doesn't wake up.
But without further ado, the still alive person of the year for 2024 is Jimmy Carter. Again, back to back me championship for Jimmy Carter.
He's outlasted the still-alive person of the year. He won it last year.
He stayed alive for the entire year. Again, we are taping this seven days before we air it.
Who knows? But he's still alive. Memes just sent the picture of Nancy Pelosi in the group chat.
Cannons, right? Respect. Yeah, respect.
Respect. It's respectful cannons.
It's respectful cannons. Yeah.
Hey, come on. Yeah, no.
Guy like you? Guy like you with those glasses on? Looking right. Looking right.
She looking right. Okay, so Jimmy Carter wins still alive person of the year.
Unbelievable. I think he can do a three-peat.
If anybody can do it, it's Jimmy. It would be unprecedented.
I don't think anyone would be able to top it. I don't even know if anyone would be able to top a two-peat.
Has anybody ever been not dead for three years? I don't think so. I don't think so.
And again, he is half dead.

Listen, Jimmy's set up right now.

He really is.

Okay, next up.

Next up we have Scout of the Year.

Ooh.

The Scout of the Year Award.

Okay.

The nominees are Tony Scheffler's Cat.

Yes, Scouty.

Scouty, great barn cat.

Yep. Very productive.

Kills all those birds.

All the anonymous Scout quotes.

Yes.

That come out before the draft every year.

They're always fun to read. Yeah, they were heavy on my guy, Caleb Williams, this year.
Yeah. Does he love football? Who's to say? We don't know.
And then Connor Stallions. Connor Stallions.
One of the craziest stories. We don't give it enough credit how crazy that story.
I know there's a Netflix documentary coming out. I can't wait for that.
I cannot wait for that. And I actually think the person we are presenting is part of it.
Oh, he's going to be in it? He's going to be in it. Okay.
Can I just watch a single documentary about sports on TV without Dave Portnoy showing up? He is in it, and he is presenting this award. Now, I texted him to ask him for this.
I have not watched it, so we're watching it all together. And I'm guessing he might be ad-libbing a little bit about Michigan.
Let's see. Okay, here he is, our presenter for Scout of the Year.
Hey, this is Captain Dave, proudly here to present the 2024 takey for Scout of the Year, a scout, an important, honest, upstanding member of any organization whose job in the military, in the Navy, on the football field, scout the opponent, give any clues, anything you can give to help your team succeed. Nobody exemplified the American spirit, the Marine spirit, the football spirit, the Michigan man spirit, more than Connor Stallions.
Proud to award him the 2024 Scout of the Year. National champs.
Go Blue. Yeah.
All right. Congrats.
Dave looks like an old

sailor now. Yeah.
I don't know what's going on with his hair. He's got the beard.
His beard. The

sunburn. The hat.
What's that? There's a logo. What is the logo? Gordon Fisherman.
Is that it?

He looks a little bit like the Gordon Fisherman. Yeah, he does.
All due respect. But Connor Stallion.
Connor Stallion, great human being. Incredible, incredible story.
He is scout of the year. Incredible story.
Like you said that like it was an inspiring. It is.
It's a very inspiring story. When he was growing up, all he wanted to do was help Michigan football win a national championship and he set a plan into place where he joined the United States Marines learned recon tactics and then took that wrote a fucking manifesto joined his way onto the Michigan football program first as like an unpaid assistant just like a volunteer worked his way up into the point where he was providing actual information about their opponents based on him sneaking into games and shit with tactics he learned in the marines yeah oh yeah and they went and they won a national championship also it's just it's a great story it's as simple as this hank he wrote a manifesto and didn't kill anyone that's hard to do people write manifestos they they kill.
Manifesto's a bad thing. Conor Stallion's wrote a manifesto and all his dreams came true.
Yeah, we should be thanking our lucky stars that he is obsessed with college football and not some weird corner of the internet that we don't even know about yet. Didn't we get a story? Oh, yes, now this is flashing back at beer games.
A couple guys who were on the Michigan team said after they won the national title,

which was, where was it played?

Was it LA?

No, Houston.

They went out after.

They were out at a bar, maybe a strip club.

I'm going to say bar.

And in the corner of that bar, maybe strip club,

Connor Stallions was just sitting there, and he kind of did like a good job

and gave him a hat tip and was like,

Thank you. In the corner of that bar, maybe strip club, Connor Stallions was just sitting there, and he kind of did a good job and gave him a hat tip and was like, job well done.

I love that.

And they're like, how the fuck was he here?

So he's everywhere.

He's everywhere, yeah.

Yeah, Huey, as a Michigan man,

what are your thoughts on Connor Stallion?

He's a great man.

I mean, just a hero to the community.

I mean, I'd let him watch my kids if I had one. Okay.
Okay, that's a great thing. That's huge.
Would you watch your kids if you had one? I'd probably give it to him. Okay, yeah.
All right, so there it is. So not only did he just win a takey, he won Huey's Future Child.
Yeah, any good Michigan man should just volunteer their firstborn to Connor Stallions. Yes.
It really is maybe my favorite college football story ever it was incredible it was incredible um okay great award uh next up we have gambler of the year wow big one a lot of big gamblers this year so the nominees are jante porter for getting suspended from the nba lifetime suspension yeah for betting his own props and taking himself out of games. Yeah.
He hit all his bets, right? Yeah, I think so. So he was a pretty good gambler.
Yeah, he was a good gambler. Yeah, he had a system.
He almost went tout. Pro athletes just shouldn't be on Discord.
Leave the Discord for the nerds. Yeah.
Also, what was he doing on Discord? He was in a gambling group, and I think that's how it happened. They kind of like.
They had the receipts? Yeah. And they were probably the ones telling them, like, yo.
Yo, come out of the game. We got a way to make some money.
Also. Just don't get more than four rebounds.
Right. Crazy for him to, like.
I feel like if you're a starter in the NBA and you did this, it'd be very hard to prove when you're jonte porter it's very easy to prove because he played such little minutes and no one bets his props and that was really where it was right right and then it's a hundred thousand dollars on his prop in a random february game and he's coming out with a fake uh shoulder injury yeah every other player that is getting the minutes that he was getting would not take themselves out of the game for anything. Correct.
It's like, I need every minute. Give me every minute that I'm promised.
And he was just like, no, my eye hurts. Ow, my eye.
Great excuse, by the way. Yeah, great excuse.
Shohei Otani, Gambler of the Year, alleged. Great work.
Yes. Shohei's interpreter also up for Gambler of the Year, not alleged.
Yeah, the forensic accountants came back and they said that the Ipe, right? Ipe. Ipe.
It was all Ipe. Shohei had no idea whatsoever.
But I hope that, at least on the winnings, on the bets that he did win, maybe Ipe broke him off a little something. Yeah, just cut him off a little something.
Dave Portn is actually uh nominated for gambler of the year because he had his stretch where he won pretty much every single bet michigan yukon uh who else over a million dollars four times yeah all huge underdogs insane yeah yeah i didn't have that conversation with him that it was like this is the year of the chalk and i mean the hottest gambler but that's you know results are results Results are wrong. You didn't have that conversation with him that it was like, this is the year of the chalk and you became the hottest gambler.
Results are results. Results are results.
You never give back a winner. You never do.
It doesn't matter. Yeah, because when you lose, people let you know about it.
Correct. So you have to let them know when you get one right.
And you still got to put the money up. And he had the Oilers into the – that wasn't a chalk.
He had them into game seven. Yeah.
We have all of the the lions if you remember uh it was basically the entire lion's secondary jameson williams uh they had to cut a couple guys now i still think they got screwed because all they did was they didn't bet on the nfl they just logged on to their gambling account while at the lions facility you got to have an IT guy who's better than

that.

Yeah.

So the IT, it's supposed to be like geofence, right?

Yeah.

Like if you're an IT guy, you block those websites, those apps.

Or you just pretend it never happened.

On company property.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know.

I think it was-

The NFL has it?

It was the NFL.

Yeah.

Had it.

So all the Lions.

Okay.

So who do we have to present this award?

So to present this award, we have our legend, our living legend, Stu Feiner. Yes.
The winner of the 2024 TC Award for Best Gambler is Shohei Ohtani and his interpreter, Opepe. The shit! Fucking ass lick, Clint! I fucking love you From Snoopina Ready to run Ready to run Ready to run Okay First of all Congratulations Shohei and his interpreter Double award What happened in that video Why is he next to The loudest highway ever And it looks like He's in the snow How did he know To record It's rocks.
I thought it was snow too at first though but I think it just rocks. So I think what it is is I think his son...
That records a video every day. I know and that was like muffled.
I think his son is opening a restaurant so he's like, oh I might as well get promotion of this highway video. Yeah.
In a restaurant that's not open? I don't know. I don't know.
I love stew. I love stew, too.
I don't think that's the name of the restaurant. Oh, no, it's actually open.
It is open. I don't think that's the name of the restaurant.
It isn't? It's like cork in something. No, I think his son is working in marketing for this restaurant.
Got it. That's what I think it was.
But he was like, got to go next to a highway. And so this is for marketing.
I was hoping for the pool, if we're being honest. I know.
I really was, too. God damn it.
It's okay. The pool would have been great.
Or fireworks. Fireworks would have been great as well.
Or the mulch, if you did it on mulch day. Yeah.
The fireworks video was all time. Can you just pull it up? We just play it for the people who are watching this.
It's also like the biggest firework ever.

I don't really understand.

Stu Feiner doesn't feel like someone who should be.

Yeah, there it is.

In 28 days, when I blow my load tonight, this is what it's going to look like.

In 28 days.

Look at that back pedal.

Yeah, the back pedal.

Great balance.

28 days. Exploded.
That's just a bomb. I don't think he has fireworks.
I think Stu just built a bomb. Yeah, Stu also just being back in our lives come football season is just such a...
It's great. I just need him back in my life.
Okay, next up, PFT. Actually, why don't you do an ad and then we'll do the next award.
Next up, we have an award coming right after this ad, as Big Cat said. And this show is brought to you by Shady Rays.
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Startup of the Year. A lot of good startups this year.
Vanny Woodhead 2.0. Yes.
I actually had that thought last night. Yeah, because when we got Vanny and we were like, what are we going to do with it? And you're like, don't worry.
I'm going to get on it. It's been a while.
Are you on it? No, but I'm ready to get on it. Oh, okay.
You ready to hop on? Get on it. After Grit Week but i'm ready to get on it oh okay you're ready you're ready to hop on it you do some after grit week you're ready to get on it okay so what was the thought that you had last night that he's ready to get any woodheads in the fucking garage shit oh that was your thought i need to get on it and you were the one who you made the biggest mistake because when vanny showed up you took ownership did i yeah you did you said're going to do so many ad deals.
We're going to do this. We're going to do that.
And I said, great. Whatever you want to do, I'm in.
Sounds like you got a plan. And you're like, yeah, I got a plan.
Okay. I will have a plan.
And I'm going to 2025. That thing will be on the road driving souped up at some point in 2025 next by next spring summer spring summer are you talking jalloon when we do the 2025 takeies will we be able to do some of it from vanny woodhead yes i mean we could do some right now i should have phrased it differently some of it from vanny woodhead on the.
I mean, we could do some right now. No, I should have phrased it differently.
Some of it from Vanny Woodhead on the highway. Yes.
Okay. This is just Hank's preemptive take of the year.
Yeah. Vanny Woodhead is going to be ready to go.
You don't believe in me, Max? No. I believe more in this than you're dunking for sure.
I'll give him that. I think that's a very fair thing to say.
Yeah. Because you can switch out parts parts on the car It's way more likely that this gets done Than the dunk But the fact that you're saying 2025 Doesn't give me a lot of confidence We have to get it fixed No it's like I have to find someone Stop saying we Who owns.
You got to do the administrative shit. No, no, no.
What? No. Wait, what did administrative? I don't know.
Absolutely not. You were the one that got it back here.
No, I didn't. No, I didn't.
I had nothing to do with it getting back here. Zero.
The last I had to do with Benny Woodhead was I was paying like hundreds of dollars in insurance. And I gave it to Billy.
I said, get it off my insurance and get it off the road and have it go to a chop shop. And he said, done.
And then it came back to life because he just never did that. Shocker.
And then everything from that moment, I have not had anything to do with. Where have I had anything to do with it? Why did it just spawn here? I have no idea.
I'm not. I just...
You took responsibility, Danny. Fact or fiction? Fact-ish.
I had said my goodbyes. Fact-ish.
Okay, well... But I'm ready to now fully take full responsibility going forward.
This is like... And by 2025, it will be on the road driving.
Memes, you got to get... get but you guys are gonna have to do stuff in it you got to get the adam silver meme going it's uh it's to to hubie get get ready to learn how titles work buddy because you're 100 just throwing this at him i'm gonna get it fixed first but okay you're gonna get fixed before you you get it actually registered? I don't know.
That's the administrative. I'm not the most administrative guy.
I can figure out getting it fixed, getting it sold, and getting it like... I'm pretty confident that Hubie's going to be pretty good at the administrative stuff.
Yeah, me too. He's going to be really good.
He's going to be running all over the city. Yeah.
Here's my concern. Maybe we turn into the Pugmobile.
It doesn't sound like Hank's excited about Fanny Woodhead anymore. Like, I am.
No, I am. I just kind of forgot about it.
Till last night. Yeah, I had, like, the...
There's a car in there. Yeah.
But the potential is still there. Yeah.
Okay. That's all that matters.
So start up the year Fanny Woodhead. I guess that's for next year, then.
Yeah. the startup for 2025 yeah it's not an overnight thing roman wasn't built in a day or months yeah we got five months how long did it take to build room uh i don't know no one really says i don't know i don't really think about the.
Yeah. But yeah, Hank, listen, you've had months already, but what concerns me is you immediately punted to 2025.
Yeah. Spring, summer-ish.
I don't know how many construction products you guys have been a part of, but it's not like something that you can just- You gave- You have seen that van? You gave yourself a year deadline. Six months.
No, you said spring, summer-ish. Okay.
That could be August. June 9th was the arrival of Vanny Woodhead.
Okay. All right, so by June 9th, 2025.
Okay, so it's the anniversary. That's fair.
Got it. Startup of the Year nominee, Booper, a social media app for dogs.
Oh. Where dogs can connect and become friends with each other on there.
Great idea. I like that.
Not to be confused with Blooper, that fat fuck. And then the final Startup of the Year nominee is Darren Revell's new business, Clit.
Oh. Clit.
It's the collectibles licensing, that brand. And it's Clit.
It's called Clit. On the stock market, it's Clit.
Yeah, the logo, when you look at it, it's Clit. Clit.
It's Clit. So Darren Revelle's Clit is nominated for Startup of the Year as well.

Okay.

And the winner is... Yeah.

Darren Revelle's Clit.

Yeah!

Congratulations, Darren Revelle.

Darren Revelle doesn't...

He finally won a takey.

I do love that he doesn't think about sex so much that he didn't even think for a second

it looked like Clit, because it does.

Yeah, it looks exactly like Clit.

The name is Clit.

The logo is Clit.

Yeah.

And it never even dawned on him.

Well, Revelle's never seen one.

Thank you. didn't even think for a second it looked like Clit, because it does.
Yeah, it looks exactly like Clit. The name is Clit.
The logo is Clit. Yeah, and it never even dawned on it.
Well, Ravel's never seen one before. No.
Okay. Congrats to Darren.
I think that might be his first day. He's probably won't have taken before.
Oh, yeah. Next up is a big one.
Plane passenger of the year. We had a big year in plane travel.
Plane riding? Plane riding. So the nominees are our own Max Salente for his two sodas.
Burrito. Burrito.
Techno music. Farts.
Honestly, the techno music is maybe one of the more wild wrinkles of that whole story. Just guys just hung over as hell.
Just blasting techno. I was just...
You can't move. You can't like...
He's having like... I was just vibing.
I mean... It's just a mental party on a plane while you're hung over as shit.
I kind of want... I kind of want now...
She's got to mind her own business a little bit on that plane. Just worry about yourself.
kind of want now to like have we should have max create a like a techno album and have it yeah have it call call it like burrito techno two sodas and farts finance six eyes two eyes you could do it max all right So Max is nominated. DJs, hits hit me up our good friend not girlfriend of Hank Tiffany Gomez yeah congratulations Tiffany she was an incredible plane passenger this year and she's been a great plane passenger since then yes I mean everyone talks about the time she got kicked off no one talks about all the successful flights flights.
Yeah. What the fuck? Since that happened.
Yeah. All the times that it hasn't gone that poorly.
And then finally, the guy pissing with the weirdest grip ever. He was told that he couldn't use the bathroom upon takeoff, and he just started pissing in the middle of the aisle.
That guy rocks. Can I say something controversial? Yeah.
I understand where he's coming. Oh, that's not controversial at all.
Okay, okay, good. I don't.
I understand. There have been times in the past year where we're in the plane.
The plane has yet to reach its cruising altitude. Seatbelt light's on.
And I got to go really bad. Like, really, really bad.
Emergency level. And I've been told, no, go back to your seat.
I did not pull my penis out and pee onto the aisle of the plane, but I'd be lying. If the thought didn't occur to me to do that, you get up and then get told to sat down.
Cause I feel like I have really had to go, especially if he was in the first row, you can basically just look the other way from the flight attendant and just get in the bathroom. So when you come out out, you're in trouble, but you're...
Yeah, at least you've done it. If worst case scenario, that's only in an emergency situation, but you kind of have to...
If you really, worst case emergency, you could make it happen. There was a flight...
Without having to whip it out. I know that Hank was on this flight with me.
I don't know if Big Cat or Max were, but I remember making eye contact with Hank on this flight and we got delayed on the tarmac for like 30 minutes. I got up after like 20 because I'm like, I got to take a piss.
So I get up and I get told no. They're like, go sit back down.
We turn the seatbelt light on. We're about to take off.
And so I'm like, okay, I guess I'll just listen to you. I turn around, go back to the seat, wait there, another like 20 minutes passes.
Yep. And I get up again and the flight attendant's like, please stop.

And I was like, it's an emergency.

I got to go.

And so I just walked past her, went to the bathroom, peed, came out.

Then 10 minutes later we took off.

But she was trying to, she was holding my piss hostage at that point.

That should be included on the passenger's bill of rights.

Like if you got to go, you got to go.

Agreed.

Yeah.

The only mistake this gentleman made was. I would just piss my pants and knock out in the felony.
bill of rights if you got to go you got to go agreed yeah i the only the only thing that the

only mistake this gentleman made was i would just piss my pants and knock out in the felony yeah the pissing your pants registering as a sex offender probably yeah not good not worth it not good um so to present plain passenger of the year uh we have our good friend jerry o'connell Hello, I'm Jerry O'Connell, actor, TV presenter, and AWL.

I am here today to name the winner of... we have our good friend Jerry O'Connell.
Hello, I'm Jerry O'Connell, actor, TV presenter, and AWL.

I am here today to name the winner of the 2024 Takey for Passenger of the Year.

Without further ado, the winner is...

Wow.

Tiffany Gomez.

To accept the award for Tiffany is me, Jerry O'Connell, actor, TV presenter, and AWL.

All right. Tiffany Gomez.
To accept the award for Tiffany is me, Jerry O'Connell, actor, TV presenter, and AWL. Tiffany gave me a message to convey to the world, but I would personally like to take a moment and convey a message of my own to you, Tiffany Gomez.
Tiffany, to fully comprehend the impact you've made, We need to start around 3500 B.C. with the invention of the wheel.
Around 2000 B.C., humans began using horses for travel. 1783 A.D., the hot air balloon.
Around 1800, the first steam locomotives, automobiles later in the 1800s. And in 1903, the Wright brothers made their first controlled flight.
There was some space travel after that that we'll skip past because we need to get to that fateful day of July 2nd, 2023, the day passenger transport changed forever. On July 2nd, Tiffany boarded flight 1009 from Dallas-Fort Worth to Orlando when a family member stole Tiffany's AirPods and Tiffany told us that motherfucker was not real.
There was a reason Tiffany was getting the fuck off and they can believe it or they cannot believe it. Tiffany doesn't give two fucks, but Tiffany was telling us right then that that motherfucker, that motherfucker back there was not real.
We thank you, Tiffany. We thank you for warning everyone.
I mean, yeah, everyone did have to deplane and go through security again. The flight was delayed like three hours.
We could have had two sodas in that time. But we want you to have this takey for passenger of the year.
Finally, I'd like to speakank hanky you blew it you could have been with tiffany the 2024 takey winner but you blew it bing bong huey's wmba takes are better than your will takes bing bong you eat scrambled eggs like a child you call them scrambies bing bong your boat driving sucks another class, Hanky. You can't do multiplication tables.
Pay your taxes, Hanky. Bing bong.
Stop talking about the duck boat. No one cares.
Summer of Hank is almost over. Give Tiffany your AirPods back.
Bing bong. Your short game sucks.
That's it, guys. It's a swore.
Sorry, guys. It's Swerve podcast.
It's a joke. It makes no sense.
J.O.C. the legend.
He's awesome. Congrats to Tiffany Gomas.
Well-deserved. Well-earned.
He was so, so excited to present that award to her. Yes.
No one better than him and Tiffany Gomas. Hank.
Yes. I actually have no more questions about Tiffany Gomas.
Would you like to accept it on her behalf? Yes. But knowing that if you accept it on her behalf, you have to at some point give it to her.
Yes, I'll accept on her behalf. I love that.
I love that. I love that.
I'm honored as her representative. Nice.
And you can't wait to give it to her. And I can't wait to present this award to her.
Yes. Again? I can't wait to present this award to her.
Okay. Next up, we have the Partnership of the Year.
Oh. Big year for partnerships this year.
The nominees are... Go on.
The Live PGA Partnership. Yes.
We're taking steps. We're mending fences.
We're coming up with coming up with agreements there was a demand letter i think there was an outline that was put into place and agreed upon but they are partnered they are partnered and they're getting closer to a true partnership okay uh also nominated for partnership of the of the year hank and tiffany gomas oh nominated uh also nominated for partnership of the year hank and Mount Rushmore. Oh, a contentious Mount Rushmore season that did not go well.
It's a good partnership. It was also great.
The highlight was when Max went on vacation and blew it for our whole team. No, when Hank blamed Max for sucking and then Hank went on vacation and Max brought him all the way back.
Well, he went on vacation and then I won like three in a row. And then I went on vacation and we lost lost everyone.
But in Hank's defense, he was hung over that one time we had to do a Mount Rushmore at 8 p.m. on a Sunday.
That was your fault. That was your fault.
Which is a weekend. It's a weekend.
I think that's where the debate started. It did, yeah.
Also nominated- And we did like three Mount Rushmore, whatever. Oh, no.
God. Let's relitigate.
You had to clock in and put a hard day's work in at the podcasting factory. That was also Hank last summer.
He was summer Hank last summer. It was great.
Last summer was amazing. Yeah.
Because you had that month where I hadn't moved yet. No one was here, and we just did the podcast, and that was it.
Yeah. Just ripped it up.
Also nominated for Partnership of the year, we have Hank and Joe Missoula. Oh.
Good partner. Rubbing honey on each other.
Not on speaking terms right now. No, it's okay.
Does it say red? No. I just delivered.
Okay. Also nominated for partnership of the year, we have Hank and golf.
Ah. Good partnership.
One of the best partnerships.

One loves the other a little bit more, though.

Yeah.

I feel like it's one-sided.

There's a promising future.

I think there's buy-in now.

As long as you don't golf on camera.

Even that, though, I'm due. It's really the on-camera that you're bad at.

I'm due.

Yeah.

I'm happy to have bad film out there, because then when I get good, it's going to be that

much sweeter.

Okay.

Also nominated for partnership of the year, Hank and gravity. Keeping him down.
down. That one's kind of dragging you.
That one you can sell. Yeah.
Yeah. Sell that one.
Okay. And the winner of Partnership of the Year goes to the Live PGA Tour.
Oh, congratulations to the Live PGA Tour. Yeah.
And PFT, explain to me what their partnership

is now? Their partnership is that they have

an outline that they've agreed to,

and an arrangement, and a skeleton

clause that they've put in, and it seems

like things are progressing.

They're basically the same organization right now.

Yeah. What do you think would be

more nerve-wracking to sit next to on a

plane? The founders of

the Live Tour or Tiffany? Mmm. All-time bad passengers live live probably yeah not all time one time well it was a pretty big day in american history hank come on ank i'm talking about oh you're talking about okay all right uh okay All right.
Okay. Congrats to Liv and PJ.

Next up, we have a very special award. It is Ratio of the Year, one of our favorite awards to give out every single year.
I will read the tweets and also tell you what the quote tweets are for Ratio of the Year. The nominees are Jonathan Ross, who said, prediction ai will displace social drinking within five years.
Just as alcohol is a social disinhibitor, like the Steve Martin movie Roxanne, people will use AI-powered earbuds to help them socialize. At first, we'll view it as creepy, but it will quickly become superior to alcohol.
So five years, no more beer. We're just going to be robots.
We're just going to wear ear pods. Yeah, that sounds awful.
2.6 thousand quote tweets. This guy sounds like he just smashes the AI button for every product.
Yeah. Every problem that he has.
Yeah. 7.7 million views on that one.
That one was quite something. This one is just funny because it was a woman said, the flex I like to see, and it was a kid holding a sign that said, I read a thousand books, thousand books club before kindergarten.
So it's a five-year-old. Yeah.
Is that, I don't know. I'm not an expert on kids.
Do they typically read before kindergarten? No, they don't know how to read before kindergarten. But the ratio is, so this person tweeted it.
They had 67 million views, 5,000 quote tweets on it. And the best quote tweet was someone said, no footage, just a piece of paper.
He a fraud like Wilt. Talking about Wilt Chamberlain.
I love that that great a great great reply uh next up we have uh the quote tweet of our co-workers winning a championship the boston celtics fans in the office uh who had for the 18th time the boston celtics are nba champions as everyone just shakes hands like they're coming had for the 18th time the Boston Celtics are NBA champions

as everyone just shakes hands like they're coming off of the 18th hole.

I could have been there before.

22 million views, 3.2 thousand quote tweets.

And one of the best one is perfect example of why spoiled franchises across all sports

don't deserve to win.

I've celebrated first downs harder than this.

Yeah, there were a lot of people saying like I've celebrated a touchdown for my backup running back in a fantasy league harder than this yeah uh it it does infuriate me looking at how much success boston sports has had where this is how they celebrate a championship yeah so that was quite something this one is uh anonymous uh it has 9.6 000 quote tweets 38 million views it says if taylor swift is going to be taking over our sundays i'm going to need to see a sex tape these are my demands at part of my take okay i don't recognize who is this guy video yeah i don't recognize it he looks like who's that guy credit to me for not deleting it yeah you gotta leave it up gotta leave it up because if you take it down, then the terrorist will have won. Yeah, exactly.
38 million views. Last one.
This one is from The Storyteller. She said, Keanu Reeves would totally shit himself if anyone actually tried to kill him, let alone thousands of evil hitmen.
He's just a makeup-wearing salesman, and what he's selling are lies. Violence isn't sexy.
Death isn't easy. And karma won't get you.
Keanu, try selling truth. Try selling truth, Keanu.
Stop acting. Yeah.
16,000 quote tweets. That's pretty good.
Hank, that kind of blew your mind. 1,600, sorry.
Did you not realize that Keanu Reeves was an actor? No, I mean, I can't believe that someone would come to that conclusion, or that's how they would feel after watching john wick yeah yeah sometimes this isn't real yeah it's a good reminder just some people need to turn their brains off sometimes yes that would be true it's a movie it is a movie fact um actually movies the ratio of the year uh you know we were going to give it to the celtics fans but i'm looking at these numbers. Do I have to take it? I had 10,000 quote tweets.
That's a lot of quote tweets. Okay.
For the record, Big Cat, do you want to see a sex tape? No. Would you watch a sex tape? Yes.
I think if a sex tape was put in front of you Yeah Honestly If you took any male and any female And had a sex tape and you said Here are these people having sex and just showed it to me I would look regardless of who it was Yeah If it was in front of me Yes So do I have to give it to myself? Yeah I didn't want to just because I didn't want to start it all over again yeah um okay so i won ratio of the year i think i got ratioed to hell congratulations holy fuck when memes sent me that he's like i'm sorry about what i'm about to send and i hadn't thought about it for probably four months yeah and i looked at it i was like oh my god the numbers are staggering now did you uh do you think you gained followers or lost followers? Lost, probably. Yeah.
Probably lost. Yeah.
Hey, listen. We all say things.
We do. I stand by it.
I stand by it. You know what, Big Cat? It's because you were acting in that clip.
Try selling truth instead. That's true.
If a gunman came to me and said, hey, you got to be on a sex tape tape i probably would be like uh i come too fast self-truth yeah uh okay what do we have next next up we have the wnba rookie of the year oh my god there's a lot of good options here we've never given this award no it's the first time ever thank you to caitlin clark for growing the game or thank you to angel reese or thank you to whoever or thank you to cameron brink oh those are the nominees oh cait nominees Caitlin Clark, Angel Reese people watch the WNBA for her too and Cameron Brink are the nominees and the winner of the WNBA Rookie of the Year award is Cameron Brink I think she has grown the game and Huey you're a WNBA expert how has Cameron Brink been playing? She's hurt. Oh.
Yeah, but. But like only day to day? But think about this.
Rest of the season. Oh, rest of the season? But think about this.
But the first few games she had. Incredible.
Ratings are so high right now. And that's with Cameron Brink injured.
Imagine what they're going to be when she comes back. That's true.
And the fits she's been getting off. I did also like the memes that went out about Cameron Brink.
Those were funny. People were finding all kinds of pictures of small men and large women.
You guys know what I'm talking about. What was the impressive part of her season? She was on fire to start? Yeah, she was just a very good rookie.
Very similar to Angel Reese and how she played and her numbers. A little bit better shooter.
She was great at Stanford. I also think, didn't she make...
I think she made the Olympic team before Caitlin Clark did. Yeah.
It was the three-on-three team. Yeah.
Yeah, that's a fact. She should be representing this country right now.
Alright, Cameron Brink is our WNBA Rookie of the Year. Congratulations to her.
How tall is she? She's like 6'2". 6'4".
Yeah, she's a forward. And how tall is her guy? I don't know, actually.
Good question. How tall are you, Huey? 6'0".
Good for you. When you say 6'0", you six on the dot.
Without shoes, 6.01. I don't, okay.
All right, all right, all right. I'm up for debate.
All right. Okay, okay.
Back to back. Back to back.
All right, next up, we have the Ruth Conda Forever Award, Takey of the Year. This is, now this is our co-worker Kevin.
Kevin Clancy started this when we had the famous Ruth Conda tweet that went viral. I think it was four or five years ago.
It read, just told my 10-year-old daughter about RBG with Ruth Bader Ginsburg when she passed away. What's this? First I'm hearing of this.
Yeah, she... What was the song playing? Fuck.
It was like hilarious. When he's on the tarmac? Yeah.
It's a great clip. It was like Rocketman or something? Yeah, it was Rocketman.
Yeah, I think it was Rocketman. All right, so just told my 10-year-old daughter about RBG.
She had tears in her eyes, and then she did the Wakanda pose and and said ruth konda forever which is the sort of pop

culture crossover that i can celebrate i love that so this award is for people who basically just go online and lie about what their kids say uh in terms of politics because they're too scared to say it themselves the lowest of the low the lowest imagine having a fictional child say something online the lowest of the low so the nominees this year we have some good we have three great nominees one happened just recently

this is from Jojo from

Jers she said Most of the low. So the nominees this year, we have three great nominees.
One happened just recently. This is from JoJo from Jurors.
She said, I told my 11-year-old daughter that Joe had dropped out, and she started to cry, and through her tears she asked, so who will run now? And I said, Kamala. And then she shouted, fuck yes.
That's so true. So true.
And it's so sweet. So true.
She's one of those Twitter accounts that she has to be online all the time. She has to have notifications set up for every tweet, no matter what part of the news ecosystem it comes from.
Yeah. If it's politics, sports, weather, she's always like the first reply to it.
Yes. Wild move.
Yes. The next is from ellie uh nyc she said or he i don't know uh ellie uh she one l ellie e-l-i-e ellie schmidt yeah uh my kid just said it's sad to watch a pack of lies beat a good person just because the good person can't speak talking about joe biden versus donald

trump in their debate that's a fair point like you can't lie if you can't talk yeah and uh ellie replied uh i literally just gave him a hug and said that debates don't matter turns out debates do matter they do a lot they matter a lot it's kind of where they're kind of it's kind of where you talk about all fell apart yeah yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
And then the last one is from Rebecca Hazleton. She said, everyone dies one day.
Everyone. Even wolves.
But not books. Not words.
Words don't die. My son, three.
Who is a lot smarter than I am. Words don't die's no i have a three-year-old i don't think three-year-olds know what death is a three-year-old's never constructed this type of sentence yeah like let alone the death part the sentence yeah no three-year-old my son started talking to me about death around four and a half my three-year-old has no idea but again let me read it this is from a three-year-old everyone dies one.
But again, let me read it. This is from a three-year-old.
Everyone dies one day. Everyone.
Everyone. Everyone.
Yeah, let me do a kid's voice. Everyone dies one day.
Everyone. Even wolves.
But not books. Not woods.
Woods don't die. What the fuck? Why did...
This is bad parenting. Why did you teach your three-year-old that wolves die seriously and that everyone dies yeah i don't want to know that when i'm three no hell no uh okay so who's kind of forever which is a i'm happy we added this category shout out kevin and the winner is for the ruth conda forever takey award it's rebecca hazel everyone dies one day everyone even wolves but not books not words words don't die my son three who is a lot smarter than i am wolves die wolves die but not words we so we we taped uh the takeys over two days so a little out of order at points um and i tried to uh coach my three-year-old to say this whole thing and i sent you guys a video and she got uh the last sentence and it wasn't even correct yeah it was like i think she said words yeah words so it does it proves yet again that this is the most bullshit thing ever i was saying the words to her feeding her lines and she couldn't get it if you do have a child though that is that eloquent what a content goldmine that would be seriously you can just retire right now yeah quick break from the takeies talk about our friends at factor meals i have been a factor meal guy for a very long time actually before factor meals came on as a uh advertiser i got them because they are the best.
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The 20th award that we're giving out this year is for the 17th best quarterback of the year. Whoa.
First annual, I think we're going to repeat this next year. Yes.
It seems like a good category. Yes.
The 2024 taking nominees for 17th best quarterback of the year are Kirk Cousins. Oh, could Kirk win this 17th best quarterback? That's just past half.
Yeah. Yeah.
Deshaun Watson. Oh.
He might have been worse than that, actually. Yeah.
I think we had him in the 20s. Okay.
Gardner Minshew. That feels about right for Gardner.
Yep, I feel like he could win this. Geno Smith and Dak Prescott.
Oh. And the winner of the first annual 17th Best Quarterback of the Year award is Dak Prescott.
Wow! Congrats, Dak. Congrats.
Now, we didn't do this award just so that we could put it on a logo and post it, did we? No, we grinded through hours and hours of tape. We watched every throw that he made going back to Mississippi State.
We watched everything about Dak Prescott. Yes.
And we put in together a spreadsheet and a proprietary algorithm and it spat this out. So Dak is officially the 17th best quarterback in the NFL.
Wow. Incredible.
Now it's cemented because once you win the takey, it's cemented forever. That is what you are.
Okay. We got a few left.
We're rounding it out. We still got Blake of the year left.
We still got podcast listeners of the year left.

But next up, we have the best four-win team of the year.

Now, you might be saying, what the hell, four-win teams?

But guess what?

Four-win teams are usually the teams that are next up.

There were some great four-win teams this year.

They're building something.

First up, the New England Patriots, who went four and 13.

Huge season for your boys. Enormous.
Start of the championship DVD, right, Hank? Yep. Was Drake May, draft night.
Also up, the Washington Commanders, 4-13. Yeah, now I got to give credit to Hank.
His 4-1 team was better. We drafted before them, so we got Jaden Daniels.
That's true. Yeah.
see the giants clip no from hard knocks no uh the gm asked his son he said you gotta get jayden daniels if you want to win you gotta take a shot wow and then he said ruth conda forever books don't matter no books matter uh the colorado buffaloes four and eight yeah what a great what a great start incredible season dion was college football yeah and then finally the arizona cardinals are up for the four win team of the year with their four and 13 uh record so they were better than the patriots because you drafted before the cardinals right yeah so they might according to my metrics here they're the best 4-win team in the nfl yeah that's facts uh okay drum roll and the winner for best four-win team of the year goes to the colorado buffalo congrats colorado incredible i know the espies probably ignored the colorado buffaloes but not here not on part of my take we're giving it to them the bestwin team of the year. ESPN doesn't pay any attention to Colorado football.
Finally, they're getting shine. Disgusting.
Yep, finally they're getting some shine. We also fucked up when we did the Mount Rushmore of animals that you'd like to be.
Yep. Because if we're taking animal mascots, I feel like Ralphie should be right at the top.
Yeah, Ralphie. Ralphie's got a great gig.
Ralphie lives on a farm outside Boulder. They bring her onto the field.
She runs, and they don't really tell her where to go. They're just like, we're bringing this buffalo onto the field.
Yeah. And let's just let the chips fall where they may.
Yeah. Ralphie's the best.
Okay. What do we got next? Okay.
Up next, we have the buyout of the year. Ooh, good one.
A lot of good buyouts in 2023, 2024. First nominee is Russell Westbrook.
Yeah, the buyout king. Russell Westbrook.
Two in a row in Utah. He's put together a mini dynasty of buyouts.
Hasn't played a single second of basketball. Practiced with the team even.
But he's getting paid. Yeah.
Next up,ty williams monty williams former son double buyout former piston yeah back to back and the final nominee for buyout of the year is jimbo fisher yeah jimbo fisher got the big check from texas a&m we saw the big check get delivered onto the field the week before the buyout one of the best college football wrinklesxas a&m especially because of all the oil money uh but yeah the the the donor donating like a hundred million dollars at halftime of a texas a&m game and then seven days later jimbo fisher getting bought out was so perfect and all three of these guys really hats off to them they're all winners because you've accomplished the american dream correct you're getting paid to stop working. Correct.
That's awesome. The winner of the 2024 buyout of the year takey is Jimbo Fisher.
Wow. Texas A&M.
The price of oil and gas went up. They were able to afford it.
Got him out of town. Now he's just going to go fishing for a while.
What was his buyout again? Shit. What was it? Jimbo Fisher's buyout.
It was so awesome. I want to say he got like $70 million.
It's also so funny because when you get a buyout, $75 million. When you get a buyout like that, you get a bunch of people.
Oh, $77 million. You get a bunch of people who don't follow college football that fly in from the crowd and being like, they can't fire him.
The buyout's too big. It's like, no, no, no, no.
Listen. There's no buyout too big.
When you're the only game in town, if you're especially at a big state school that's in a small town, that's where all the money goes. Yes.
So they will figure out a way to at least be. Now, this is actually a sweet spot for schools.
Like we always say Penn State, but I also feel like A&M could sneak into a college football playoff too. this is a good spot for them yeah that is move it is uh okay next up max get off of my my taylor swift tweet you're gonna accidentally retweet it i know that's what you're gonna do it's up to 40 million views get off of it you just retweeted it come on dude You fucking asshole It is funny though

It was accident

It was accident. It was accident.
I also don't want to look at my fat face. Max, you do have just like an ace in the hole at all times.
You just retweet it every day. I won't delete it.
I'll never delete it. Okay, let's get to our next award.
Can't win the big one of the year.

A lot of athletes can't win the big one.

A lot of big ones out there that can't be won.

Yeah, so we had Connor McDavid.

Can't win the big one.

Can't do it.

Can't win the big one.

Almost did.

People say he's the best, but he can't win the big one. He won three out of seven of the big ones.

Yeah.

Caitlin Clark.

Can't win the big one. Can't win the big one.
Cannot win the big ones. Yeah.
Caitlin Clark. Can't win the big one.

Can't win the big one.

Cannot win the big one.

College.

College.

Joke.

WNBA, probably.

Can't win the big one.

Olympics, no gold medal for her.

Nope.

Roy McIlroy.

Can't win the big one.

Can't win the big one.

I don't think he's ever going to win a major.

I don't think so either.

He's going to be one of those guys that you look back on and you're like,

Colin Montgomery. What could have been? Can't win a major.
Yeah. Sergio Garcia can't win a major.
Can't do it. Lamar Jackson can't win the big one.
He's got a lot of number two. They were favored at home.
Perfect setup. Number one seed.
Incredible season. Can't win the big one.
Run the football. Run the football.
Max and the lottery ball. Max is never going to get this

lottery ball. He's never going to get the lottery ball.

It's so funny watching Max just not get the lottery

ball ever. He can't win the big one.

The good thing is that I can win the big one with

my sports teams.

Actually, Joel Embiid's the next

nominee. Can't win the big one.

And he can't even win the small

one. He can't win the big

one before the big one. He can't win one.

He actually can't win the big one before

the big one before the big one. He can't win one.
He actually can't win the big one before the big one before the big one. He's never won one that was like above average size.
Yeah. Can't win it.
Max can say, oh, gold medal. That would actually be really funny if USA finished second.
Now I'm rooting for it. Shit.
It would be. But now I'm rooting for it.
Damn it. But, like, that would be everyone.
I guess. But it would be really about you.
There's no way that the Bulls or the Wizards would have anyone on Team USA. It would be about you, buddy.
That's actually a fair statement. Yeah.
That's a fair point. Yeah.
But it would be about you. But it's also a big loser move to be like, well, if I don't win an NBA championship, at least I've a gold medal yeah Carmelo Anthony yeah friend of the program Carmelo Anthony program we like Carmelo Aura uh okay uh and we have a very special guest presenting this award oh hey guys Whit here Ryan Whitney I think the number one reoccurring guest on the number one sports podcast in the world.
Pardon my take. And I'm here to present to you for the 2024 Takeys Award.
The award of can't win the big one. Nominees, Caitlin Clark, Rory McIlroy, Connor McDavid.
Don't like him being a part of it. Go Oilers.
Joel Embiid. Who who else we got Lamar of the Baltimore Ravens and Max with a lottery ball and the award goes to Caitlin Clark Crimea River Portnoy Caitlin Clark can't win the big one of the year wow Caitlin Clark thank you Ryan incredible thank you Ryan that yeah.
I mean, I thought that this was going to be Conor McDavid. I thought that it was going to be Conor McDavid right up until Ryan Whitney said he would not announce the award saying it was Conor McDavid.
Yeah, but I think that, you know, Caitlin Clark is a great choice if you had to replace Conor McDavid with somebody. Yes, exactly.
Hypothetically somebody yes exactly exactly if maybe you know what it is

i this might be kind of mean whitney he never won the big one oh you think he's got team did you think he's got can't win the big one sensitivity yeah he might so that probably is where that's from yeah oops our bad sorry sorry ryan that just that just occurred to me right now yeah uh okay Next up, we have a new award, Sexiest NFL Fan of the Year.

Ooh.

Yeah.

All right.

It's obsessed. occurred to me right now yeah uh okay next up we have a new award sexiest nfl fan of the year oh yeah all right we had some sexy fans speaking of taylor swift is nominated for sexiest nfl fan of the year for her brain for her brain uh we also have our good friend stavi who had an incredible run with the ravens that fell short but r.
He was part of the team and everything that went into it,

so it was pretty cool.

We have Sprinkles, Detroit Don and Superfans.

Seatmate that came back for a playoff game.

What does she get dressed up as?

Is she a clown?

I would imagine there's got to be some kind of...

I thought she was a cupcake. She might be a cupcake.
Oh, a cup oh a cupcake okay yeah that's sexy sprinkles okay um sprinkles nominated and jake brown's girlfriend nominated again she was great um box yeah okay so we have a very special guest presenter uh for this award and let's kick it to him what's up everybody it's your Stavi. I hopped out straight out of the pool because I'm getting my Michael Phelps on this summer.
And I'm here to announce the 2024 takey for the hottest, sexiest NFL fan. And that is the winner is none other than me.
You fucking idiot. That's right.
Take that, T-Swifty. Jake Browning's girlfriend's girlfriend bam I will never lose to anyone connected to the Cincinnati Bengals Jake Browning you can lick my Stavros Brown eye the only competitor I have respect for is Sprinkles you were a worthy adversary and you deserve this just as much as I do thank you I'm honored to win a takey as a special give back to the AWLs who are NFL fans, I am offering to fuck your wife all season as long as the Ravens play your team.
As a gift to you, I will fuck your wife after the Ravens beat your dumbass team. I want our way to the fucking Super Bowl, baby! Let's go! That was perfect.
Nice job, Stavi. Mustache is looking good, too.
Look at that. Looks so good.
He looks kind of like the Natty Bo logo. Oh, man.
So Sprinkles got a little shout out there. For the adversary.
Yeah, so Stavi, he won the award that he was nominated for and presented. That's pretty good.
Yeah. Pretty good year for Stavi.
Great year for Stavi. All right.
Rounding it out, we got

a few more. We do.
We have a

special category here. New category,

the Florio of the Year. Oh.

The Florio of the Year Award.

Oh, this is a big...

Who's going to win this? The nominees are

Mike Florio. Oh.

Just a lie?

The biggest lie? Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa. I thought you guys made your piece.
Dang. I'm just trying to get caught.
Memes, can you explain Florio of the Year award? Someone who just kind of over-exaggerates stories and- Lies. Yeah, kind of lies.
Okay. Okay.
What was the thing that he got so upset about, Florio, when sites made up things for- Oh, he got upset about the Archie Manning story. Yeah.
Where it was like some websites out there are just generating these inflammatory headlines for clicks. Yeah.
That was a great one. Yeah.
But yeah, Hank, it's disappointing because you and Mike made your piece publicly. No, we have.
We're good. I was just curious what that meant.
You just called him a liar, though. I asked, does it mean lies? But it doesn't.
Okay. The Florio of the Year nominees are Mike Florio, Diana Rossini, Matt Miller, Dan Graziano.
Wow. A lot of Italians on this list.
Memes. Seems like you got to type.
And the winner of the Florio of the Year Award for 2024 is Mike Florio. Wow.

Mike Florio defending the crown.

It's all about the family.

Memes, would you want to accept this award on behalf of Mike Florio?

Yeah, I would love to.

Okay.

Dan Graziano came in as a late Florio, but I managed to beat him out with just all-time

lies on the Part of My Take podcast. Went on an all-time rant.
But I'll be back next year to win it. How many of these nominees had a story about the New York Jets? All four of them.
Who came up with the nominee list? I came up with three out of four. Which one did you not? Florio was just automatically in.
So you came up with all four. Yeah.
I like this category, though. It's like who can unseat Florio.
Yeah. It's like king of the hill.
Yeah. Who's the Florio of the year? We'll be watching for next year.
All right. Next up, we have Coach of the Year.
Big, big year in sports. We had some incredible championship runs.
Someone's got to win Coach of the Year. The nominees are Joe Mazzula from the Boston Celtics.
Great coach. Yeah.
Oh, Hank, he's so tired of winning. He just doesn't even.
I've shown more excitement when I got passed in the fantasy. I mean, it's a nomination.
We'll talk when he wins. Okay.
J.J. Redick.
Great coach. Los Angeles Lakers coach.
Great coach. We have Jim Harbaugh.
Won national title. Got hired for the Chargers.
Our guy, football guy through and through. And then Andy Reid with his third Super Bowl.
Getting close to that. Is he the GOAT? Yeah goat yeah i mean it's going to be tough to beat andy yeah he is in the goat conversation it's halfway there yeah well current coaches yeah he's he's really really good and he's got a great quarterback yeah he's coaching his balls off is all right we have a special guest presenter for this award i've not seen seen this video, so let's all watch it together.
Boys, it is my honor and privilege to announce the 2024 Takeys Coach of the Year. One of my dearest friends, and this is an insanely proud moment for me because this man is like a brother to me.
J.J. Reddick.
Fuck you, Max. I know you're secure in that name.
Fuck you. Congratulations, J.J.
You have earned this award. You deserve this award, just like everything else in your life.
Take the Lakers all the way. Listen to me.
Look at me. Take the Lakers all the way, because you've got a lot of haters out there, a lot of naysayers.
Max being one of them. And hey, Max, what are you going to do when the Lakers run wild on your candy asses out there in Philly?

Congratulations, bro.

Again, you deserve this.

Cherish this moment.

And I'll see you at Christmas, man.

Fuck you, Max.

All right.

Congrats to JJ.

Max does hate JJ.

Incredible.

Incredible.

He fucking despises JJ Redick.

Oh, that's funny. okay uh we got three left we do should we should we add one we didn't do our play of the year oh the aspies had their they gave it to lamar okay do you guys have a play of the year i have a play of the year uh travis kelsey throwing the lateral to cadarius Toney.
That was called back on the flag.

Yep.

And Travis and Andy were saying it's sad because that won't be included in Canton one day.

Yep.

Well, we're memorializing it right now.

Okay.

My play of the year is Summer League when Bronny took it coast to coast and he bricked a 10-footer.

That's a good one.

Yeah.

Hank?

Probably. Oh, I have one.
You have another one? Well, if Hank can think of one, I had one for him. Probably had to be in the Copa.
Oh, yeah. That game winner.
Which team? Argentina. Nice.
Nice. Which game? Who are they playing? The semis.
I'm blanking on who they were playing, but the semifinal win was incredible. Portugal.
Who scored? Portugal. When they beat Portugal.
Do you remember who scored? Yeah. Hamas? Hamas.
Okay. I was going to say that Mac Jones interception in England.
You remember that one? Yeah, that was a great one. The one that was underthrown by like 15 yards? That was a great one.
Can we nominate that one? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, absolutely.
So we should let the listeners vote on it. Yeah, yeah, the listeners.
We'll put up a poll. I have one too.
Oh, okay. The Jalen Carter almost interception off of the spike.
Nah, that wasn't that cool. Yeah.
That wasn't. You lost the game.
But it was cool. Yeah.

No, it wasn't cool.

All right.

So we'll let the listeners vote.

They have four to vote on.

So we'll be given out after the listeners vote.

All right.

So the last three awards, PFT, you got one of them?

Yeah.

This is the preemptive take of the year award.

So this is where we try to get out ahead of the story and call something way in the future.

Yes.

And I'm excited to see what you guys have because we don't know what each other's preemptive

takes are.

Yeah.

So how do we want to start this?

Who wants to start?

Why don't we start with memes and we'll go around and we'll end with Hank.

Memes, your preemptive take of the year.

All right.

The 76ers will implode with Paul George.

Okay.

And Joel Embiid will force himself to the Knicks.

Wow. Okay.
Wow. I mean, that would be crazy if true.
Okay. The 76ers will succeed with Paul George.
Okay. And Joel Embiid will win an Eastern Conference Finals MVP.
Whoa. In a losing effort? In a winning effort.
Oh, okay. We're not ready to say MVP.
Wait, wait, wait. That's your dream? What was your wildest dream? That's not our dream.
In your wildest imagination. This isn't dream of the year.
This is take of the year. What's dream of the year? In your wildest take, the Sixers still lose in the finals.
Correct. That's not what I said.
You come in second place. That's not what I said.
He could win both. But I said that he will win the Eastern Conference Finals MVP.
I personally, if I thought they were going to win the whole thing, I would have started there. Yeah.
That could be your take. Who cares about the Eastern Conference Finals MVP? Yeah.
Who does? That's my take. Okay.
Huey. The WNBA.
Okay. The finals of the WNBA specifically will have more ratings.
We'll have the third most ratings in the fall. Wait.
Third? More ratings or third most? Third most in the season of fall. So behind college football and the NFL, there needs to be a third place.
Got it. And WNBA finals will surpass the NBA opening, will surpass the NHL, and it will be the third most watched sport.
World Series? It will battle the World Series, and it will be three. Okay.
I like that. Who do you have in the finals? Spice to take.
The Vegas Aces, obviously. Mrs.
Plum and Mrs. Wilson.
And the other side's up in the air yet. Okay.
Up in the air yet Okay I've noticed Huey adds words that don't need to be there That's okay

And I love it

We need to up the word count of each podcast

We get paid by the word

Up in the air yet

Yet doesn't need to be in there

He just

It's like almost like he's

He doesn't

He knows he's done talking

But he's like let me just get one more in there

I fucking love it

Alright Shane you got one?

You got one?

We'll take

Thank you. He knows he's done talking, but he's like, let me just get one more in there.
I fucking love it. All right, Shane, you got one? You got one, Jimmy? Take? Take, preemptive take.
Am I rolling? Yeah. Gus Edwards will lead the NFL in rushing touchdowns.
Okay. Okay.
What teams does he play for? He's on the Charger. Oh, interesting.
What's on your shirt right now? Matt McConkie, also rookie of the year. What's on your shirt right now? Offense.
What's your shirt say?

What is your shirt?

Your shirt.

I can't.

Oh, it's a Chargers shirt.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's a junior sale.

Okay.

All right.

Got it.

Got it.

His nicest outfit.

Okay.

All right, boys.

My preemptive take of the year is that Taylor Swift and Travis are going to get engaged.

Oh.

And then she's going to put out a terrible album. Oh.
Because she's happy and she doesn't have any boyfriends to complain about and then all her fans are going to start to hate her because her music sucks because she's happy with her personal life wow how about it i like it okay uh my preemptive take of the. I believe Henry Lockwood is going to dunk.

Let's go.

Not.

You got nodded.

I can't believe you fell for that.

I believe.

Okay, that's my preemptive take.

Henry Lockwood's going to dunk.

Not.

That's improper English. Is it? There's a comma in there to dunk not.
That's improper English.

Is it?

There's a comment there.

Dunk not.

Dunk not.

No, I think you're going to be able to dunk.

I really do.

I actually do.

I do too.

Psych.

Hank?

Are you high right now, Hank?

No.

I should rephrase that.

How high?

Zero percent high. I believe you're going to be able to dunk, Hank.
I just don't want to say thank you because I said? No. I should rephrase that.
How high? 0% high.

I believe you're going to be able to dunk, Hank.

I just don't want to say thank you because I said thank you.

I got nodded.

What type of knot was that, PFT?

It doesn't matter.

I believe you're going to be able to dunk.

Thank you.

Psych!

Yeah.

That's fine.

No, I actually do.

I actually 100% believe you're going to dunk because you've been working out a lot. You've been training a lot.
Thanks. Gotcha.
All right, what's your preemptive take, Ake? It wouldn't be the most shocking thing if you did. No.
I think I'm going to. It's opposite day.
Yeah. Okay, Ake, what's your preemptive take? My preemptive take of the year is that Drake May and New England Patriots are going to have more combined wins than the Washington football team and Chicago Bears.
Combined? Combined. That is the craziest thing.
That's wild, Hank. That's wild.
How many wins? Seven. So we're going to have six combined? More or equal.
So maybe one has four, one has three. That's wild.
That's a wild take, Hank. Would you like to wager on that? No, I'm already in pretty deep with PFT, so I'm just going to.
Yeah, oh, that's right. Sometimes I forget.
I feel like I'm a bad gambler, and then I remember that Hank is going to owe me, what, $20,000? I think it was $50,000. No.
You were going to owe me $50,000. I'm already going to be up $20,000.
I think it was $50,000 to $30,000, so I think you might owe me $30,000. No.
Well, it wasn't that. If the Patriots don't make the Super Bowl in how many years now? I think it was $50,000 to $10,000.
I think it was five years, but a year has passed. There's no way I'd give you $50,000 to $30,000.
So it's four more years. Yeah.
Four more years. Yeah.
Yeah, it's like there's always money in the bananas. I got it.
I'm rich. Yeah.
I'm going to be so rich in four years. I got to make a Super Bowl in the next four years.
Easy. Easy.
You love Drake, man. I actually do.
Yeah. I know.
I've seen the t-shirt. We should release that.
Okay, quick break from the takeies for the rowback question.

Rowback question for memes and pug, because you guys are sitting here with me,

and we forgot to do the rowback question, but now we're here.

Rowback question for memes and pugs.

How is the editing of the takeies going?

It's a great time.

It's a great time?

Yeah, it's just so many fun awards. I don't know which one's my favorite pug okay nice job pug memes yeah it's a great time lots of fun we're watching jerry uh guess some states uh okay all right so roback.com we love the people at roback they're one of our favorite sponsors q's is polos hoodies joggers shorts i'll tell you right now the best.
I wear them every single day. Polos, if you're a golfer, do it.
The light sweatshirts, just in time for fall. Roback has it all.
Roback.com, promo code TAKE. 20% off your first question, or first purchase.
That was the Roback question. 20% off your first purchase.
Roback.com, R-H-O-B-A-C-K.k.com and now back to the takeys okay it's time for one of the most important awards we give away every single year at the takeys it is blake of the year time so here's what we're doing we've done a many different ways uh for people who are listening their first takeys blake of the year is uh blake Griffin, Blake Bortles, and we've added Brooks Koepka probably five years ago. He is a Blake.
I don't know what the exact stats are. I believe Blake Griffin is a three-time winner.
I think it's Blake Bortles has two. Yeah, two.
And Brooks, sadly, can't win the big one. He has zero.
So we've done it every single way. We've done it first to answer the phone call.
We've done trivia. We did the famous lottery ball year, which was painful, and I'm shocked that these guys even still return our text messages.
This year we're going old school with a new school twist. It's going to be similar to the phone call, the first to answer the phone one uh previous Blake of the years this year we're going to do a zoom link so I've told all three Blake's a window and it's we're in the window right now they're in all different parts of the world Blake Brooks is in the UK Blake Griffin is in LA uh Blake Bortles is inida when i texted them asking them what their availability was uh brooks said he's playing in a golf tournament in england blake griffin said that he's got uh some meetings and shit that he's got to attend to and blake bortles said he has absolutely nothing so blake bortles seems like he would be the betting favorite right now but brooks kept good not on, though.
Not on the course, but Blake Bortles also probably not the most technologically savvy. So Blake Griffin feels like he could be the leader in that respect.
So Blake definitely has practiced. He's opened up his own.
He's made sure that the app is up to date, that it's the most current version. Bortles might be kind of lounging around, but he might have more technical difficulties just accessing the app.
Correct. He might not even have the app downloaded.
Okay. And now, how are we judging? Is it first to show? We're screen recording, so we'll have it exactly right.
If they both show up at the same time, we'll figure it out. But it's first to join, and we have to hear them and see them, correct? They have to connect to video and audio.
So once they if their if their video is on the screen and we can't hear them doesn't count now are we allowed to tell them we can't hear you yeah okay shane are you if shane is listening can you can you say something real quick just so the people know check check check check there we go okay so that that way that the people know it's not on our end. Right.
Shane is able to connect to video and audio right now. Memes.
Question. Blake Bortles is a three-time winner.
Three-time winner. So it's 3-3-0.
3-3-0. This is huge.
Wow. Wow.
Okay. Either one will win the best of seven or one will break the dreaded streak, get the monkey off the bat.
Yes. So I'm texting all three right this second.
I'm saying first person to connect to video and audio on the Zoom wins Blake of the Year. Wins Blake of the Year 2024.
I told them all to even if they don't win or they feel like they didn't win, they should still try to connect because we'd like to see them all. Big Cat, real quick sidebar.
I know we just laid out the entire rules and we planned this whole thing out.

Is it more of a Blake move to not be able to connect to this room?

No, no, no, no.

Maybe next year we'll do that wrinkle, but I've already set this up.

It was a hell of a time setting up three different time zones.

When I thought about it, Blake's probably not ready to go.

We still also, next year we're golfing or doing something.

Next year we're getting them all three together.

We'll figure it out.

I want to get them all three together.

Okay, here we go. We still also next year we're golfing or doing something.
Next year we're getting them all three together. We'll figure it out.
I want to get them all three together. Okay, here we go.
First person to connect to video and audio on the Zoom wins Blake of the Year 2024 with the Zoom link sent. Oh my God.
Okay. What if all of them just don't join and we just sit here for them? If the Blake's union we have somebody No, no way That was so fast No way, it says BG, no way Oh my god Oh my god, can we hear him? Hello? Oh, I can hear him Let's go That was domination You were literally waiting in bed Oh, we got another one one Oh no Here comes Blake Portals This is going to be heartbreaking for him Oh Can't wait to talk shit about my wifi Oh and I think I'm wearing the Blake of the Year shirt too I think Brooks might have tried to join just now too Oh my god Oh What's up Brooks What's up Blake Oh no is too fucking good.
Oh, no. I'm not going to lie, boys.
I had my Wi-Fi guy come out this morning. We kicked the restrictor plate off this bad boy.
Not exactly street legal, but was it worth it? That was crazy fast. That was insanely fast.
Wait, is Brooks joined or no? No, Brooks is just the bad luck guy for every single year. We got some beef to settle, man.
You're out on the street saying I'm cheating out here. Dude, it's these restrictor placing your Wi-Fi.
These catalytic converters you're swiping. Listen, man.
Not street legal, but it's worth it. That was crazy.
You joined so fast because we've been taping this whole thing. You'll be able to watch it back.
I went to the chat to check to make sure I was going to be in this thread and it came through. Are you out on your porch right now? Yeah, I've been sitting here for, what time was it, an hour?

Probably pretty far away from your router.

Oh, no.

And do you know, this is Blake Bortles.

I feel bad saying this to you.

You guys are probably aware of this, but did you know it was 3-3 until today?

No.

Yeah.

Is that what the record was?

Yes.

You are a three-time Blake of the Year winner. Blake Griffin you are a three-time blake of the year winner blake griffin is now a four-time blake of the year winner and brooks he might not even join this call yeah this is tough look for brooks i'll tell you what having your notifications on extra loud for an hour is very annoying.
Yeah. That was actually shocking how fast you joined because we had a moment when we set the whole thing up.
We're like, what if none of these guys joined for like a half hour? And we're just sitting here like fucking assholes just being like, will anyone join? Holy shit. I got a tough question for the two of you since Brooks isn't on the chat yet.

Has the word relegation been thrown around in regards to Brooks Koepka?

It's an interesting question. If I knew

what that meant, I would 100% have an

opinion. Okay.

Are we going to relegate

him down to the

Brooks League? Yeah. Drop him down

to Brooks. I don't know.
I mean, I feel like

that's up to you guys. I don't know if that's a Blake's call.
I'll say this. In Brooks' defense, he is probably at the biggest disadvantage because he's in England, and he said that he's at a remote place that has, like, very bad Wi-Fi.
I think he just needs to quit the Live Tour and focus on Blake of the Year. Yeah, if he was serious about it, I guess, yeah.
Yeah. Blake Griffin, do you want to say anything? Do you want an acceptance speech? I mean, this is one of the year yeah if he was serious about it I guess you know yeah um Blake Griffin do you want to say anything you want to accept in speech I mean this is one of the biggest takey awards that we give out every year um yeah I mean honestly dude I Blake you can probably attest to this but everywhere I go somebody yells Blake of the year somebody yells Blake of the Year.
I mean, this is a huge award,

and it means a lot to all of us.

Some of us, it means a little bit more.

I guess Brooks doesn't really care,

but you know what?

I'm just happy to take it home this year.

Great competition all around.

Yeah, and I feel like this is a dynasty for you, too.

Yeah.

Yeah, now I get to do the Clay Thompson thing

all the time and hold

up four yeah yeah this is are you bad for blakes are you so good at blake of the year it might be it might be bad for blakes wait who won last year borlston oh yeah so okay so this is there's parody in this league still is it over was it best of seven please god we're just gonna keep going so uh blake portals what do you i mean i i said the i said beforehand uh before we sent out the zoom link that the text messages when i sent you guys setting this all up was very funny because brooks was like i'm playing in a golf tournament and blake griff like, I have some things going on. And you're like, I literally have nothing.
So what is you going to do to change in this offseason? Because, I mean, you just have to give up the award. And now you have a whole year to think about it.
Yeah. And it's especially a tough look when I had nothing going on.
And I couldn't have joined. I couldn't have joined any sooner.
And I joined. And you guys and Blake are just in a full conversation already.
It's not even like he's still trying to figure it out and connect. He was already in.
So I think I'm going to have to start packing the schedule a little bit and change things up. Yeah.
That's a good idea. And also, in Brooks' defense, he's the only one that still has a current job that they work at.
So a little bit busy. True.
Both you guys nod. Yeah.
I got nothing going on. I can't wait to make the part of my take movie, and we get the actor from Clipped to play Blake Bortles.
Yes. Blake Griffin.
Blake Griffin, yeah. We'll get Sam Hauser's brother to play Bortles.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know we say this every year, but next year we have to get everyone together. We're going to do it.
I feel like we're going to do it. We're going to get you back out of Tahoe, Blake Portals.
Yeah, I got dropped from that roster pretty quickly. Did you play out there, Blake? I did.
Day one was brutal. How awesome was that? It was so fun.
Brutal day one. Dude, I was like shaking over my practice putts and then day two day two and three oh terrifying the people lined up on on the t-box it's like what are we doing guys um and then day two and three i played a little bit better but i i you know i had no aspirations of winning it was yeah strictly go out there and don't be last luckily A-Rod, Miles Teller were out there.
I heard you saw a bear too. Dude, I was 10 feet from a bear.
Yeah. I look over and I hear something in the tree and I look over and this bear is just like bear hugging this tree and he's just looking around it at me.
Yeah. And Max, I was like, Max, go get the bear.
And then that woman was like, hey, you probably shouldn't do that. Yeah, I went to go over towards the bear, and there was people working there, and they were like, don't go near that bear.
Don't go near that bear. Very aggressive.
Yeah, apparently it was like a mama bear with like three cubs, and you don't want to get in the mama bear's way. No.
That's how we feel about the Blakes. Yeah.
Don't fuck with them. Yeah.
I don't think he's going to join. No, I don't think he's going to join.
I think he's asleep. It is like 10 p.m.
It is late there. Yeah, it's 10 p.m.
And he's got a golf round the next day. What was your best round, Blake? I think I'm not good.
I think I shot an 84 day two maybe. That's pretty good.
Respectable. there it's a lot having to make every putt there's how how tough are like the two footers that everybody's normally like yeah you're good and you still got to putt those it was they're terrible one of the first times i played it and my dad caddy for me the first day and after like the fourth time i missed an 18-inch putt, he just stopped.

Somebody out of the crowd come carry this bag.

Blake, I caddied for Blake Griffin for like probably four or five holes.

And I got a new golf term for you that I'd never seen on the golf course.

Blake Griffin shot a shot that went like, I don't know, 100 feet into the woods.

And the guy we were playing with was like like that was the great shape of that shot I don't even know what the fuck that means but it was it sounded nice it was a terrible shot it wasn't like a hundred yards and feet in the woods it was like 70 70 80 tops but it was great shape it was pretty can you imagine the shape on that, I just turned to him. I was like, what the fuck does that mean? That was a bad shot.
But yeah, Blake Griffin can fucking bomb the ball. I watched it.
Let's get you back out to Tahoe next year, and we'll do like a little, we should do a little Blake thing out there. Yeah.
Maybe we do Blake of year right before the tournament? Yeah. Brooks probably.
Make them pair us together at least one day. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. That would be incredible.
Brooks has to play lefty? I think Brooks might still win. Yeah.
Brooks probably is like, oh, I got a whole job. Yeah, probably.
I'm making like. No, how about me and Bortles scramble? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Versus me and PFT. And we play from like the forward team.
Yeah. Yeah.
I like that. You guys could – that would definitely level it out.
And then between the two of you, it's whoever you take more shots from. Oh.
So then there's also competition between the two of you. Yeah.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
I like that. That's good.
That was great. Was that Max.
Yeah, that was Max. Dude, just dialing assassin over there.
Can't see him, but yeah, he's in the booth. Great idea.
Yeah. There he is.
There's our mutants. Just producing back here is all.
Yeah. We got a new, we got a new intern Huey there too.
He's a, he's a Pistons fan actually, Blake. Oh, Hey, sorry, Huey.
Sorry, buddy. Oh, shit! Okay.
You know what? Yeah. Huey, Huey, Chicago.
Yeah, by the way, since I left, they've been doing great. Congratulations, man.
Thank you, thank you. Huey, do you want to tell Blake about your idea for a sitcom? I have a TV pilot coming out one day.
Oh, yeah, Blake yeah blake you should buy this you'll love this it's about two brothers uh one named carmelo the other anthony uh born in denver colorado a couple days before you know who gets traded to the knicks and their dad grows up their whole life resenting them you know because there's named carmelo and anthony and i can tell you're not. Yeah.
Dude, if you could just throw that in an email, I'll put my email in the chat. You just shoot that over to me, and I'll get that in front of my people ASAP.
Thanks, man. I'm riveting.
Thank you. Way to abort there.
That was a good – that was way to read the room, Huey. You didn't get to the part about a new kid named Nicola.
Yeah. Oh, man.

All right.

Well, thank you both, Blakes.

You guys are the best.

We love you.

Blake Griffin, congratulations.

You have a full year as Blake of the Year.

The trophy's back in your house.

I feel like we got to make new shirts.

Yeah.

Doing the Clay Thompson, four rings on there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We'll do it.

Well, thank you, boys. Appreciate it play thanks guys he's pissed i'm stoked for you man i'm so fucking excited thanks man really really felt genuine yeah i'm happy for you enjoy these 12 months all right see you boys all right boys.
All right. See you.
See you. Later.

Oh, and that's Blake of the year.

Our favorite award that we give out.

I love it.

It broke my heart to see the look on Blake Bortles.

I know.

He wanted it.

That was a thrilling way to do it.

You're never going to say that Blake Bortles didn't want to win this one. Yeah.

Holy shit.

He was so fast.

Blake Griffin, what was the time on that? I would estimate it to be under 10 seconds yeah it was that fast and I I did now I did give him a three-hour window I was like here's the three-hour window because they're busy guys yeah but still I mean I do feel bad because Blake Bortles like he said he'd been just sitting there for an hour waiting and still wasn't able to do it I mean congrats it's it's tough to beat greatness yeah what we're witnessing right now is greatness four-time blake of the year winner all right we have one last award pft and we should just give it out ourselves okay um it's a podcast listeners of the year award pretty important award there's a lot of good podcasts out there and a lot of great podcast listeners yeah so you want to do the nominees uh yeah the nominees are uh the hardcore historians okay listen to dan carlin yep i've got them on the list uh the politicking fans i don't know what do we call those guys marshawn lynch gavin newsom marshawn lyn Lynch's agent who's known Gavin Newsom for years.

Yep.

I started working on this podcast six months ago.

The Politiken fans.

Yep.

And then the AWLs of Part of My Take.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

So who won?

I don't think Politiken is out yet.

Okay.

So I had to cross that one off the list.

Should we do a drum roll?

We can do a drum roll.

Okay.

Huey, you want to announce the winner? He's going to fuck this up. No, he says no.
Smart? He says no. Memes, do you want to announce the winner? Who won Podcast of the Year? Listeners.
The award-winning listeners of Part of My Take a nine nine nine nine nine nine nine update those bios incredible run you're running out of fingers jason pierre paul can't count the amount of times that you've won awl i thought this year was gonna be politicking for real politicking next year i'm i'm looking in my rearview mirror if i'm the awls right now yes So thank you to won AWL. I thought this year was going to be politicking for real.
Politicking next year. I'm looking in my rearview mirror if I'm the AWLs right now.
Yes. So thank you to the AWLs.
We've said it a million times, but I feel like I could say it every show. We live a dream life.
We have the best job ever. And it's because you guys listen to this show.
We wouldn't be able to do this if you weren't as dedicated to us through through ups and downs sometimes you hate us sometimes you love us most of the time you hate hank hank's not even here that's fine so that's to listen to you get the award yeah at the end of every episode i say love you guys i truly mean that i love you guys thank you so much uh it means the world to big cat me hank everybody in the booth we really really sincerely appreciate it because there's a bunch of podcasts out there. You don't have to listen to us.
You've got other options and you choose to, and it means so much to us. So sincerely, thank you from the bottom of our hearts, and we love you guys.
And it's also one of those things that nine times, it's crazy looking back because I don't know if you feel the same way. It feels like we've been doing this podcast for like five minutes because i i don't know it's like just time goes so fast when you're having you know the time of your life um but if you had told me pft hank when we're sitting in your austin apartment or house excuse me i don't want to see his house it was a row house it was a row house if you told us when we were doing the test episode back in 2016 uh that we would have this type of success and we'd be doing it for nine years or eight years but nine times for the takeies uh i'd be like there's no fucking way there's just i mean i i think we're we can do it but i don't think that we're gonna reach these heights we had that i've told this story we had that moment when we were driving from the arizona bowl back to uh scottsdale and we like we it was just two of us in the car and we're like what would have happened if we didn't do this podcast and it was a scary scary thought it's crazy i think it's you know probably the best the best decision uh at least in terms of our work of our lives yeah and um and it really is like it's freaky sometimes to think that there's so many people that listen to every episode yeah i try not to think about that as we're recording but when i do have a moment where i get to sit back and think about it i it makes me just very very thankful for all you guys yeah yeah it's it's like i said you've got a choice and uh the fact that you choose us means a lot yeah thank you it's immense gratitude uh that i don't think we can act we can't accurately convey it uh other than what we're saying right now but like what we're saying right now is a very small part of the gratitude we feel so um what are you guys in the booth anything to for the AWLs? Great year? Yeah, great year.

I've only obviously been here for two.

This is my second takey since I've been on,

but every year I meet more and more of you guys,

and it's a great time every time I meet you,

and I'm really grateful that you guys have given me this life,

and I truly, truly do love you guys, like PFT always says.

Yeah.

Memes? I took some time to reflect last week when you let me ask some questions to Aaron Rodgers. I'm very appreciative of everybody on the show and all the people that listen.
I was working at Accounts Receivable three years ago. That's crazy.
My entire life changed, so thank you to everybody who listens. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I'm obviously the newest one here.
Been a week. The people have been awesome.
They've been really supportive and nice. And they seem to be very, you know, very excited for the future and willing to hear out everything I got to say.
And yeah, they seem like great people. And really, I'm excited to work for them and work my ass off for them.
Yeah. Yeah.
We have the best fans in the world. It's not even close.
I'll put our fans up against anyone else any day of the week. I know there's some other podcasts that have added some strong fan bases.
Still would take the AWLs over that. Oh, and Internet War? Oh.
100%. Yeah.
Especially since her next album is going to stink. Yes, exactly.
next album is gonna stink yes exactly not naming names she's too happy the thing about me and big cat is we're always upset yes so uh there's always something to gripe about for people identify with except actually now we might be entering phase two of part of my take where me and big cat have elite quarterbacks yeah true come real assholes actually yeah we might be going down the the we're too happy this might be when it when it when the whole podcast just submarines because everyone's like we don't want to listen to winners all the time yep yep so at least with chiefs fans when they listen to us and if they think that we're doubting patrick mahomes or their team they can at least take solace in the fact that they win something but if our teams win yeah then everyone else is going to be like fuck you guys uh but we sincerely thank you very very much thank you for listening to takey awards and we really love you guys yeah so uh let's finish up with uh numbers okay great takeies boys congrats again to the awls nine in a row hank what do you think proud proud they did it proud are you wearing those glasses upside down now he's high no i'm not high why do you think i'm high uh incredible takeies i love doing this uh the takeies awards every single year so much fun and and we do give the you know the award-winning listeners a lot of credit and every year i think we say on the show but we really do love you thank you very much for listening We appreciate you guys are the best people in the world. We need to do a better job for next year's takeies of figuring out the takeies as they happen in real time.
Who's going to be in charge of that? Because every year we do the same thing. I'm going to be all over it.
Oh, hell yes. All over it.
No, but you're going to inject it with pro Philly vibes. No, I'm not.
All right. No, that's good.
You and memes. Combo.
Yeah. Because we do do this every single year where we get to the takeies and then like a day before we're like, wait, what happened this last year? Yeah.
But we pulled it together. I think we had some great winners.
Congrats to all the winners. And let's go to numbers.
56. 20.
42. Love that.
Nine. This would be great if, you know, can't win the big one,

just immediately got erased.

Yeah, but you admit you can't win the big one.

Eight, no.

Let's pick one for the AWLs just for fun.

They can have mine.

No.

Three.

What should we pick for the AWLs?

Nine.

Nine, nine.

I picked nine.

Oh.

But they can have it.

I'll give them 11.

No, no, no.

They got nine.

Hank, new number. picked nine.
Oh. But they can have nine.
I'll give them 11. No, no, no.
They got nine. It's going to be.

Hank, new number.

Hank, new number.

17.

Three.

Pug, Shane.

Pug.

99, Pug.

21.

Say them again in order.

Memes, go around the room.

Three.

20.

42.

99, Pug.

21. Eight.
56. 17.
99. 21.
8.

56.

17. AWL's have 9.

15.

Damn.

15.

Mahomes. Love you guys.
I'm talking away. I don't know what to say.
I'll say it anyway. Today is another day to find you.
Shine away. I'll be coming for your lover, okay? Shine away.
I'll be coming for your lover. Okay.
Needless to say. I've got a sentence.
But I'll be stumbling away. Slowly learning that life is okay.
Say up to me. It's so better to be safe than sorry.
Say up to me. It's so better to be safe than sorry Say up to me It's so better to be safe than sorry Things that you say Is it a lot of fun? Just to play my memories away You're all the things I've got to remember Are you shying away? Or are we coming for you anyway? Are you shying away, I'll be coming for you anyway Be you shying away, I'll be coming for you anyway Take me, take me out I'll give you love Give It is true Take on me Take me out Take me up Take me up

Take me up

Take me up

Take me up

Take me up Take on me I'll be you