Jayson Werth, Xander Schauffele, Mt Rushmore Of Round Things And Fyre Fest

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On today's part of my take, we've got a twofer for the people. We've got an awesome interview with Jason Wirth in person.
MLB legend, won a championship with the Philadelphia Phillies, kind of won a championship with the Nats. No, he basically did.
Yeah, he kind of did. Which team retired had a ceremony for him to put him in the ring of honor? What did you say? Which team put him in the ring of honor? Well, your franchise is like five years old.
I think that's interesting. Also, it's the Montreal Expos, which goes back a very long time, but that's fine.
So we have a great interview with Jason Wirth. We have a great interview with Xander Shoffley, Open champion, now good friend of the show.
We might be on his coaching staff. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of round things, and then we're going to finish off with Fyre Fest of the Week.
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Okay, let's go.

Boy!

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The crown is yours. Today is Friday, July 26.

Is there anything you'd like to say to me, Big Cat?

And to Max?

And to Hank, who's not here?

What?

Happy Uncle's Day?

Happy Uncle's Day.

Thank you.

Yes.

Happy Uncle's Day.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I also am an uncle.

Happy Uncle's Day, Big Cat.

Thank you.

So I should say it to myself.

Happy Uncle's Day, yep.

Hugh, are you an uncle?

Nope.

Okay, so you're out.

Memes, are you an uncle?

I don't know. Oh, happy Uncle's Day, Big Pat.
Thank you. So I should say to myself.
Happy Uncle's Day, yep. Hugh, are you an uncle?

Nope.

Okay, so you're out.

Memes, are you an uncle?

I am.

Yeah, happy Uncle's Day, Memes. Happy Uncle's Day.

Hank is not here.

We are actually on vacation next week, but we still have all the shows.

So next week's schedule, Sunday, PFT and I will be in studio.

Max and Hank will be on a much-deserved vacation. Wednesday will be the takeies, which are phenomenal.
I'm fired up. 28 takeies, I think, we're giving out.
And then Friday, we will have a very, very special guest, and we'll be doing a Zoom show, and then we're off to Grit Week. I'm very excited about what this next week and a half has in store.
Yes. Now, it is.
We are on vacation next week, but to Hank's defense, it's Wednesday of the week before vacation. Yeah, so he left Wednesday.
But that's fine. He did do the Mount Rushmore with us, so we taped three Mount Rushmores, so we'll all be participating.
But yeah, Hank, when we were like, hey, we're going to take a vacation last week in July, he's like great i'll go the second to last week and last week yeah yeah exactly he deserves it he's had a tough summer which speaking of um it's such a shame hank's not here because boys i think uh i don't listen we've been doing this a long time a lot of the things that we talk about here are from other shows or we're not claiming, you know, Mount Rushmore. We love doing Mount Rushmore season.
Obviously, it was a joke when we're like, yeah, we invented Mount Rushmore season. We did not invent Mount Rushmore season.
There's a lot of things out there that we are part of, but we don't take credit for inventing stuff because everyone's got ideas. Everyone's doing different things.
I do think we a part in jason tatum or a conversation becoming mainstream yes the jason tatum conversation has reached its apex uh steven a smith put out a podcast yesterday and he titled it you know you're doing the the rundown of what the podcast is going to be featuring yep here's how he described his podcast another horrifying horrifying police shooting. Does Tatum lack aura?

Ooh.

So we're going to get to the bottom of maybe both those things at the same time.

Yeah.

And so Carmelo Anthony also came out and said that Jason Tatum will never be the face of the league because he lacks aura.

Anthony Edwards has aura.

I'm actually good on it.

I don't think we I'm good on the discussion.

I'm like we we settled it a long time ago.

It just was interesting that it's now become like an actual thing that people, the fodder in the middle of July. That's what you got.
It is Mount Rushmore season, which we invented as Big Cat said earlier. But this is an interesting conversation because it's like, it's undefinable.
Yeah. You can just say like whether or not you like the guy or not.
Correct. And we also began this whole conversation 100% just to piss Hank off.
Yeah. I mean, I don't even know what aura means.
Everything we've said about Jason Tatum and Jalen Brown, to a certain extent, has been just to piss Hank off. Yeah.
If Hank wasn't here, we'd be like, those guys are fucking awesome. They're probably going to win multiple championships.
And who the hell cares who gets the MVP and who has the aura the aura all matters is winning but but hank is usually sitting here so we have to say they probably hate each other and jason tatum has no aura but also to your point they uh in those two questions jalen brown has both those things yeah he does have a lot of aura and the he's got aura he actually has overflow of aura plus a thousand aura yeah what would you say if you were to do like statistics on Jason Tatum's aura? I'd say he's like negative 650. Yeah, that sounds about right.
I was going to go like minus nine war. Yeah.
Wara. Yeah.
Wara. Chase Jalen Brown's like a plus 28 Wara.
Yeah. That's the guy.
It's hard to replicate to replicate yeah um all right so the other things we have going on it is training camp so we are starting to get some of the training camp news we had jim harbaugh uh welcome everyone to training camp in their new facility the bolt which looks incredible inspired by lightning yep it looks awesome uh he said training camp feels being born. It feels like coming out of a womb.
It's comfortable. And then poof, you're born.
The lights are on. People are looking at you.
Yeah. I mean, being born is a lot like training camp for sure.
You put your head down. You hit the hole.
You just need 10 centimeters of daylight. And then you explode.
And Harbaugh, I feel like he hears the word labor. And he thinks hard work.
Yeah. So he's like, yeah yeah that's what that's what training camp is it's work it's giving birth i wouldn't be shocked if harbaugh maybe also gives his players some you know breast milk oh yeah just being like hey we got to get we got to build stronger stronger bones what's like the uh the pre-cum of breast milk the uh liquid gold stuff i don't know the stuff that bodybuilders take oh i don't know it's like a special type of highly concentrated breast milk i'm sure that harbaugh's got the boys shooting that up yeah three yards in the cloud of placenta that's his offense yeah i always get placenta and paella uh confused and they're very different extremely especially the taste placenta is delicious yeah yeah um we had also in cardinals camp did you see this jonathanannon.
No, we joke about Jonathan Gannon, but this one had me thinking, like, he might be in trouble. And he was kind of being funny, but he said that he and several staff members did a deep dive on the concept of momentum, apparently going back to wars in the 1800s.
Okay. And after all the research, when he was asked about it, if momentum exists, he said, perhaps I have no idea.
That's great. That's great.
So he did an exhaustive research study on it. Wars.
And it's undefined. Anytime a football coach comes back from summer for training camp, I've been looking at some wars.
Except for the Browns offensive line coach being like, the troops didn't stretch before they invaded the beach at Normandy. Yeah, Bob Wiley.
It's interesting, though, that he is trying to figure out whether or not momentum is real by doing a scientific study on momentum. Just ask the sports fan.
It might as well just be vibes. Yeah.
Vibes are real. Ask a gambler.
They're sitting there and watching a game, and they feel it going bad. That's momentum.
I can tell you when a team that's winning is going to lose the game. Yeah.
It's usually when they have a black bird that's on the side of their head, and they play in Georgia. Yeah.
It's like 10 years ago, 15 years ago, when there was that whole discussion like clutch actually doesn't exist. I'm like, nah, we've been watching sports a long time.
Clutch 100% exists. It exists it definitely exists like there's no way to explain how some people are just better and like rise to the occasion and other people don't isn't momentum also clearly defined by Isaac Newton yeah pretty sure it's one of the laws the one who said momentum is your uh next day starting pitcher yeah he said first he said what the fuck is this apple doing falling on my head and ow yeah and then he said yeah i don't know if uh if i can pinch hit for jeter yeah yeah so momentum's real it's definitely real and and also in sports like vibes are 100 a thing in war i think they call it what do they call it just when your team's down the uh it's a french, the spirit, the esprit de corps or something like that.
Okay. If your army's pissed off and they're lazy and they don't want to go fight, they're going to get their ass kicked.
Yeah. So if you're getting your ass kicked, then that means you're more likely to get your ass kicked.
Yeah, exactly. Other training camp notes I wrote down for you.
Dan Campbell has the biggest podium ever. Yeah.
I love that they built that for him. They basically built a podium so big that he can't break it with his hands.
Because I think they were probably nervous that if he gets upset and he pounds his fist, he'll break the podium. It's a solid podium.
It's an indestructible podium. It's the unsinkable podium.
It's a titanic. I like it with Dan Campbell.
I would love it if it was like Mike McDaniel behind that giant podium.

Yeah.

It would just be so funny because of how big it would be, how small he would be.

He'd get lost.

I think that might be podium of the year for next year.

Yeah, it is.

We should have put that into the takeies, but it came too late.

Lincoln Riley said he's coming quickly.

They're coming quickly.

Think about baseball.

It was weird seeing like all USC and UCLA and Oregon and Washington in the Big Ten media day.

We got a lot of media days going on.

What was the context behind we're coming quickly? I think it was talking about are they going to orgasm. Okay, yeah.
That's unusual for someone who represents the Trojans to say that. Yeah.
Usually that delays you. It takes a while, yeah.
Yeah, but maybe ribbed for his pleasure. His pleasure on the inside.
Yeah. And then I think that was all the training camp.
Oh, we had our first training camp fight, Chiefs. No, no.
Oh, is it Titans? Incorrect. First training camp fight was the Houston Texans.
Oh. Which I think we said on the show, the AFC South was going to be the first division of the fight.
And the Chiefs had one, too? The Chiefs had one, as well. Interesting.
I saw the Jerry Jones talk today what he said he addressed the media ai jerry jones real real jerry jones not dead jerry jones he said he was talking about the the dac extension and the cd lamb extensions that he's working on and then he compared himself to patrick mahomes he said if you have an option quarterback like patrick mahomes famous option quarterback that we all know yep uh You want to wait to make your decision until the defense gets up on you and then you can make your choice. Huh.
And he also said he's more all in than he's ever been. Oh.
So he's like way in. He's been very all in.
He is balls deep in. He's been all in every single year for the last 20 years to nothing to show for it.
Well, he's been also he's been recently shall we say with his paternity lawsuit oh yeah what ended up happening is he the father i don't think he's well either he's the dad and doesn't have to pay for it or he's not the dad got it so uh he's saying because he doesn't have those distractions he's going to be able to commit 100 of his time to the team to being all in which is apparently a good thing in his mind okay yeah Yeah, you't want him all in no you want just the tip yep uh how mad would you be if the cowboys got actually good max would that like because it's it's kind of a fascinating thing to think about because the cowboys have not been a threat an actual threat in a long time i know that they have had good seasons they've won a couple playoff games but they have not been to an nfc championship game since the 90s correct 1996 right so i don't know about yeah that sounds right yeah that's when they won the last super bowl yeah so would it would it destroy you i don't know i got one more year no nfc's team ever goes back to back so i'm i'm good for this year you need this you need this year you're right bft yeah no we just trade off yeah everyone been what trades since 2006 crazy so haven't had a back to back champ so the cowboys can't win it win the nfc's this year they can't take them off your list not gonna happen not gonna happen yeah and the commanders are gonna rise up and and we're gonna dominate them it's gonna be great and nothing's ever going to hurt again yeah um baseball news so what was the clip that you just showed the uh the colorado rocky since 2004 it's the last time the nfc east had back-to-back champions um this was a very funny clip because it was it was a red sox rockies and uh the relief pitcher yelled at the the batter yeah you jerked off in a parking lot who was the batter uh i don't know but i looked up and he did in fact jerk off in a parking lot was it kellen winslow it's it was it's one of those ones that you just hope never becomes a viral clip because i didn't know who that guy was and then i looked it up and i was like oh he did jerk off in a parking lot that's that's gotta suck going to the ballpark every day being like someone might say i jerked off in a parking lot and they wouldn't be wrong and it probably didn't happen that much until this pitcher said it and it was clearly caught on camera by the way shout out mcguire shout out to whoever did the lip reading for it yes because uh you did america a wonderful service now every fan is going to know that's the guy that jerked off in a parking lot. I did not know until that moment.
Is it Reese McGuire? Yes. Yeah, Reese McGuire.
He jerked off in a parking lot. Confirmed by this pitcher.
I think it was, who was the pitcher who yelled it? It was Quintrell? Yeah, Cal Quantrill. There we go, Huey.
I love how you said that. Yeah, I do too.

I also, yeah, Reese McGuire, he jerked off in a parking lot.

That's interesting.

The other baseball thing I want to talk about real quick,

and this is we don't have memes as a Mets fan, but the Yankees.

I saw our good friend Tommy Smokes this morning,

and I've known Tommy now for seven years, and I think for every single moment of those seven years I've seen him tweet this is the game that Brian Cashman and Aaron Boone are getting fired yet the Yankees will never fire either of those guys and Aaron Boone even said after getting killed by the Mets I think they got swept by the Mets this season, he said, one of the things I really liked tonight was how hooked up we were in the dugout in the eighth and ninth inning. I'm not worried about the compete level with these guys.
This is talking about a game where they lost like 12-3, I believe. So I don't know what it is with the Yankees, but these guys stink.
I'm talking about Aaron Boone and Brian Cashman, and they're never getting rid of them. As a two-week Yankee fan, I think – What was the two-week Yankee fan thing, by the way? Explain that.
I was sold on the high class and the high – the history. The pinstripes? The pinstripes, the Derek Jeters of the world.
When was the two weeks? The first two weeks of the season. Okay.
They were hot coming out the gate. They looked good.
And then I stopped, Karen. And then they started to kind of took a couple slumps and bumps.
But at the end of the day, I think Cashman and Boone, they're going to always be on the hot seat. And at the end of the day, the team's not even that horrible.
We have a two-week game. I generally think they're going to be all right.
You said once you stop caring about them, then they went to a slump. You have to start caring about them again.
This is what I have to do for that team to be great. I'll walk for them to run.
I like how Brian Cashman, how they got off to a hot start, you're right, but his strategy is basically sign the best players and pay them the most money. Yeah.
Which isn't really the mark of a good general manager, just a general manager that's got a rich dad. Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. So, Hugh, you are a football and a basketball guy.
You're not really a baseball guy. Just this season, you were like, I'm going to give this Yankee thing a shot? Yeah, I was watching the playoffs last year, and I got kind of sold on baseball.
Oh, you were not sold on baseball until last year? Yeah, it took last season to kind of be like, oh, this thing could move faster. Okay, what about the Yankees in the postseason sold you on the Yankees? Not last, but it was the potential.
I was like, well, look at what this team is in the regular season. Imagine if they're good, and it matters when they're playing.
How much baseball had you watched the previous 25 years of your life? Four months, maybe. Four months? Like a game here, a game there.
It's very specific. Four months, cumulative four months? That's a lot of games.
But that's not like 24-7. That's just like a day here, day there.
A game here, a game there. Okay.
And then two-week Yankee fan. And then two weeks, I was watching every game for two weeks.
And you just stopped? No, I watched every single game. And then you just stopped? And then I was like, what am I doing? Okay.
Two-week Yankee fan. Yeah, the Yankees.
I know that their fans are really, really pissed off, but I think that there's a solution to this. I think that you have to give Aaron Boone an extension and show that you believe in him yeah and then the rest of the the clubhouse is going to truly believe in him too then you'll be fine you might you might have a lame duck otherwise yeah exactly he kind of is a lame duck right i think he's got like a uh he's got a club option for next year so you got to do it so you got to do it extend aaron boone i got a question for you the olympics started how are we doing in rugby so So right now we're waiting for the quarterfinals.
We made it to the knockout stage in the U.S.'s play in Australia. We won.
Is Australia good? Yeah, they're very good. Shit.
They're probably going to win. We won a game, lost a game, tied a game.
Oh, that's perfect for us. Yeah, and we finished, I believe, second in our group, which means that we kind of won.
So we moved on to the knockout stage. I think, I don't know.
I think, I don't want to make any predictions because we're watching the games right now. But I like both Fiji and Ireland.
Whoever wins this game, I think is going to win it. Oh.
Yeah. Okay.
But it's been awesome to watch. Like the whole office has been watching sevens.
And I wish that it had more of a primetime spot. I wish that it wasn't.
I wish it was happening during the Olympics. I wish it wasn't the appetizer for the Olympics.

Right.

Like, this deserves.

Get this in like a Friday night, Saturday night. Right.

I don't understand.

Oh, by the way, you got, the Nationals got no hit today.

Yeah, we did.

And you know what?

Think about me.

Guy like me, when we get no hit, I say that we got no hit.

Yeah.

We got no hit by cease.

Whoa.

One guy threw it.

Yeah, but they, well, no, but they got no hits. We got no hit Remember when you remember.
Think about me. What happened in yours? Did you get any hits? Okay.
Exactly. A down boy.
That's basically, we just took out the newspaper and we just kind of held it over the dog's snout and he's just like, all right, I'm going to lay down. That's what we call accountability, Max.
That's as close as you'll get to max admitting it by the way it's just he's just slinking back yeah he shrunk we've had this argument for two years now and he just didn't see the well how did you guys get a hit yeah question coming never saw that part coming it was uh dylan cease yeah Dylan Cease. Fantastic.
Yeah, I baseball, I tried

to give. I was basically like, all-star breaks a nice reset.
The Cubs have been bad. And I was like, I'm going to give my all for this next week to see if the Cubs can maybe win a few games and get back in this.
I went on Monday night. They're so bad, their foul balls are bad.
They don't even hit foul balls well. Like not good contact? Is that what you mean? Correct.
They suck at hitting the baseball. Very important part of baseball.
That's probably the most important part. Yeah.
Well, no, they're really good at pitching the baseball. They're just really bad at hitting the baseball.
Hitting the baseball is important, especially when you pitch the baseball well. All you need to do is hit the baseball a little bit, and they can't even do that.
Ideally, you'd like to combine the two. Yeah.
It's also so boring. Watching the Cubs play is so boring.
They don't have anything. I've said it a million times.
When we talked about with Aaron Rodgers. What? The Cubs or the Bearsubs are the Bears no no no they've grown up into the Bears no they won they won in 2016 no I'm saying like their style of play oh right now yeah their style of play but they have not historically I mean yeah they're not good historically but they did win in the last decade when we were talking to Aaron Rodgers about how often guys think about the Roman Empire and how that whole meme started and everyone's like, ask your boyfriend how often he thinks about the Roman Empire.
For me, it's how often I think about Kyle Schwarber still being on the Cubs. Yeah.
That's almost daily occurrence for me. In my brain.
He's such a joy to root for. If you're going to have a team that, even if it's not that good, having Schwarber on the team is just so much fun.
Just having a big boy that steps up to the plate and mashes. One bat that would make the other pitcher not be like, oh, I'm fine.
This is an easy out. That'd be so sick to root for him.
Shut up. He also wouldn't tolerate other guys not hitting the ball well.
Right. He'd just be like what i do just mash just spank a ball he'd be yeah he'd be pissed off the cubs um in the last let's see in the last six games two runs zero runs two runs three runs zero runs two runs that's bad it's really bad boring baseball and they don't give up runs so it's like every loss is a three two loss or a two one loss it's brutal it it's kind of the same in every sport where you'd if your team's going to be bad or or mediocre you'd rather it be the opposite where they're great on offense correct instincts have play softball games yeah just because you can have fun watching the correct there's a lot going on.
Correct. I saw a stat the other day.
This is back to football real quick. I think the Dan Lebitard show pointed this out, but I wanted to make memes aware of it.
Memes, do you know that the Indianapolis Colts have more AFC titles than the New York Jets do? Wow. Yeah, that was going around this season.
Yeah, AFC. Memes, I stand with you.
Don't let them do shame statistics. Shame statistics are the lamest thing you can do.
I thought you guys saw it earlier in the year. No.
I would never bring that up, memes. I fucking live.
All I have to deal with every single day is insult stats. Yeah, we got to stick together.
Yeah. Insult stats are not cool.
We just got to turn the insult stats on the Patriots. See something, say something.
If you see someone using an insult stat, insult them back. I kind of like using them on the Patriots, though.
You can use them on the Chiefs, Patriots, any team that's won more than two Super Bowls in the last 20 years. Yeah, because then they have something to defend.
Yeah. Like, I don't have when people, the insults, we're about to get to the time of year where the bears not having a 3 000 yard passer or what 4 000 i can't remember 4 000 4 000 30 it's 30 touchdowns 4 000 that's gonna start going everywhere yeah and so insult stats suck yeah they're back they're not they're not nice um all right before we do mount rushmore and hank involved in this, I wanted to do one thing.
PFT, I told you this. I was going to save this for you.
I got to talking to Huey the other day, and our boy Huey is working on a script. Okay? And I want you to hear the script because I think we need to make the pilot for this.
Okay. Okay, so Huey, the floor is yours.

How long have you been working on this script?

Technically speaking, about six months.

Okay, and how many pages do we have?

One.

Okay.

When you say technically, what does that mean?

I started it six months ago.

Okay.

And I did one page.

Okay. That day.

Oh, so it was all one day.

Yeah, I've gone back and edited.

They can kind of, you know, edit some lines,

edit some subscriptions and stuff. But that page, six months.
descriptions yeah sorry yeah you're a perfectionist it sounds like yeah i want it to be realistic wanted to be you know make you be able to you know believe that you're in the story okay so what was the inspiration for the script um basketball yeah okay yeah so go ahead tell them tell them tell them what the you know pitches all right so uh shows called high up in the mountains uh it's about two brothers uh one looks very similar to me the other uh inspiration the inspiration behind the other one um is by a rapper by the name of shake well uh who looks very similar to max delante oh um but uh so shake well Well, like a milkshake? Like something that you'd see on... Yeah.
Like a Slim Fast?

Yeah. Like a Slim Fast? Yeah, yeah.
He's a big goofy guy. Got it.
So it's about two brothers. One named Carmelo.
The other, Anthony. And they were born two days before he got traded to the Knicks.
Okay. And so, you know, that's why their dad, not the best of guys, grew up to resent them, you know, because...
They live in Denver. Yeah, they live in Denver.
Now he's got to be reminded of, you know, his two shit-stained kids, you know, Carmelo and Anthony. Yeah.
And then, long story short, life goes on. Dad starts to meet another woman.
They have a kid. That kid.
Guess what he names that kid? Tebow. Nicola.
Oh. So now there's not enough room for Carmelo and Anthony.
So they're getting kicked out. So now the story is these two shit brains kind of having to figure out life on their own high up in the mountains named Carmelo and Anthony.
I'm in. Yeah.
I'm 100% in. We got to make it.
I did point out when I heard this that the years between Carmelo and Anthony getting traded from the Nuggets to the Knicks and Jokic getting drafted by the Nuggets is significant. So the timeline doesn't add up.
So, no, well, it's just that's more room for the script. Well, Jokic was drafted in 14.
And then you got to think, you know, you add another six, seven years before he starts to like really start to be in the final conversation and MVP and takes a couple six years. So by then, you know, they're pushing 18.
Okay. So, you know, it's right on right on that part there.
So and then the Carmelo and Anthony resent their baby brother. because yeah cool so do they do they move to New York well I

haven't gotten that for you I'm

open it's actually a lot of script for

just one page wait what do you mean you

haven't gotten that far yet because

they already in where you've gotten to

Carmelo's already retired yeah no I

mean like no in theory yeah I haven't

written all this right you've only

written the theory the direction is

this right this is where we're going

the end of the episode is gonna by

I'll see you next time. in theory yeah I haven't written all of this right you've only written one page the direction is this this is where we're going by the end of the episode we're going to have all this laid out and we're going to have kind of the path of is this all happening in the first episode not all of it again the pilot's going to really have to lay down a lot of what these guys are, their story and then them getting getting kicked out, and then that's kind of where that ends.
And then we'll pick up episode two kind of. So it's a TV show, so you have like a season.
Yeah, yeah, as many episodes as it needs. I don't question.
Yeah. Is there a time jump in the first episode? Yeah.
There has to. Well, no.
Yeah, the first like, 30 seconds is like, you know, them as babies.

You know, and then it's Carmelo and Anthony.

And then bang, you know, two days later, Carmelo gets traded.

And then it's like, all right. And then it's a quick time jump.

It cuts to these kids, you know, smoking weed in a car.

Oh, so there is a time jump.

Yeah, but for, like, again, 20 seconds.

It's the first, like, 20, like, you just get introduced to babies.

We're in present day. And then boom, yeah.
Now we're in present day. Yeah, these kids are present day.
Yes, yes, all right. I got a question.
I don't want to completely poo-poo your script here because I think that maybe we should make it. When Carmelo was traded to the New York Knicks, did the father think about just changing their name? No, no, no, no, no.
He signed the birth certificate a couple days earlier. so officially you know and again the dad what we're going to find out from father is he's not the brightest okay okay and that he's at the end of the day it's more about the reminder of what he did wrong and he kind of blames himself okay so when he named the new baby nicola did he do that right when yokich got drafted yeah he did that kind kind of late 2019.
As he started to emerge. He wasn't going to make the same mistake again.
He wanted to commit. Make sure he was committed full time.
This was going to be the guy. So we're going to have to find a four year old actor for Nicola.
Correct. Got it.
Just wanted to make sure that's the path that we were going. Yeah.
A four-year-old for Nicola. Hot mom.
Shithead dad. And then two guys that look like you and me.
It's going to be a hard one. We got to figure out how we're going to find two guys that look just like me and Yui.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah. So I think we need to make this pilot.
Every sitcom needs just a wacky neighbor, too. Okay.
Put the wacky neighbor in there. Yeah.
there's a lot of wacky people in this office yeah like Bosco please wacky yeah what wacky neighbor is named jr jr's not a smith yeah um i'm trying to think birdman birdman birdman wouldman would be good. JaVale? I was just thinking, what would an enemy be to a nugget? Kobe? Sauce? Kobe.
Yeah. Kobe could live next door.
Yeah. Well, he shouldn't be in Colorado.
Okay, we'll figure it out. All right.
Yeah, so I wanted you to hear that. We will make a pilot.
We will make a sizzle reel. I don't know if we have enough for more than like 45 seconds.
It might just be 45 seconds of time jumps. Maybe a short film.
Yeah, make the entire show out of the montage. Let's just time jump the entire show.
Like how so? Like every minute it's like we don't know where we are in time. Okay.
And also it should have a lot of NBA highlights in it. Yes.
Like of Carmelo Anthony and then of Nicole Jokic. It should actually be mostly highlights.
Should it be like each year of their life? Yeah. Each time jump so then it's just like another year of like Carmelo, you know, doing something great in New York and their dad turning to them these fucking kids, you know.
And then next year it's like, oh, Carmelo Anthony, 2013 Knicks. We got something.
And he's just reminded of his kids. Maybe it's something like that.
And they could have a little robot sidekick named AI. It's got braids like Allen Iverson.
Yeah, I like this. Because who doesn't want to watch a sitcom about the mid-2010s Nuggets? Denver, Colorado.
Yeah. Great time and place.
Can you tell me how you came up with this idea? Because you're not a Nuggets fan. No.
So my theory is... Your theory of how you came up with this idea.
Yeah. It all comes together.
I think that the best shows ever are like Simpsons, Family Guy, Office, Friends, Normal People. Normal people, normal environments, normal places.
So two kind of shit-stained kids. Simpsons and Family Guy are cartoons.
Yeah, but they're family relatives. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.

There's a talking dog in Family Guy.

We're not looking at the specifics. And a talking baby.

Family Guy is a bad example.

The specifics aren't what matters.

It's about the fact it's family.

Regular people that we can all relate to.

Yeah, we can relate to these.

So maybe you're not a stoner, but you've seen these two,

and you've seen those types of kids around.

And now instead of it being like a sad existence. I'm so confused.
You know, right? What types of kids? You know, stoners. Oh, oh, Carmelo and Anthony.
I was still looking at the family guy. No, sorry, I'm moving on, yeah.
But, you know, the backstory of that is usually kind of sadder, and, you know, it's like a little bit more like, yeah. But this is kind of funny.
It's just Carmelo and it's Anthony. The resentment doesn't come from a fucking divorce or something.
It comes from- You're naming your kids Carmelo and Anthony. Yeah, and then you're dumb enough to not try to change it.
Yeah. It's just- Yeah.
Look- I don't think this answered the question. It's really a story about life.
Yeah, I don't know how. I was trying to figure out how you decided that the Denver Nuggets would be like the perfect.

I just needed a name that had two first names.

Oh, okay.

That's the answer.

I knew that was going to be it.

That's it.

And I could know everything else around it.

That would all make sense.

Yeah, and we'd leave it in Colorado.

Oh.

Two for two, and I went with it.

Got it.

So you kind of started with just anyone who's got two first names, and we'll just figure out the rest. We'll figure out the story.
Got it. Okay.
I like it. I'm in.
Thank you. Yeah.
I knew you would be. I think this sounds lucrative.
Yeah. By the way, do you understand the new NBA deal? It's on every channel now? So they extended with ESPN Disney, right? Yeah, and then Peacock and NBC.
This is what the leagues are doing. Amazon, I heard that Amazon's getting, this might be rumor, Amazon's going to get one of the conference finals every two years on Amazon Prime.
This is what the leagues are doing. They're chopping it up, and they're cutting it, and they're selling a bunch of NBA to us that we have to buy individually.
Yeah i want to know if you were to if you were to be able to watch every nba game and every nfl game how much per year does that cost you to be a sports fan right i feel like that's the real inflation in the united states right now it's becoming expensive to be a sports it's they're pricing a lot of people out of watching sports yeah and that shouldn't be right yeah and we should do something about it and we won't we won't but i'm pay for all the stuff they make us pay for but i am i'd like the record to show that i'm upset about it yeah yeah i'd like the record to show that uh i'm mad same mad we're mad i'm mad as hell and i'm going to keep taking it yep i do a thing. Yep.
I can do a goddamn thing. Okay, let's get to our Mount Rushmore.
Let's do our Mount Rushmore. Then we have Jason Wirth and Xander Shoffley.
When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age. Visit AHS.com slash listen for 20% off any plan.
See As.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions. Okay, time for Mount Rushmore.
It is time for the Mount Rushmore of round things. Mount Rushmore of round things.
Hank, you kind of groaned when we came up with this idea. Are you not into round things? What are you talking about? I mean, that just didn't happen.
That was cap. That was cap.
Do you like this, Matt Rushmore? I'd like to hear you say you like it. You like it? I like the open ended one.
Okay. I love it.
All right. Round things are actually enclosed, but they're very much enclosed, so this might be a struggle for you.
All right, so I have first pick. I have first pick.
There's so many good picks. There's a lot of good round things.
There's so many good round things. I'm going to try to keep it just basic, simple, run the ball, Mount Rushmore round things, a pizza.
That's a good pick. Pizza.
That was my 1-1. It's a beautiful round thing.
You see your big full pizza. There's just nothing better.
Yeah, good choice yeah good choice that was my one one as well i thought i'd get it for sure uh because i assumed you were gonna take donuts yeah that was also on there but i was like pizza is just listen i love donuts i love donuts but if you had to if it's pizza or donuts for the rest of your life you'd have to take pizza yeah i would agree with that like i'm just being honest like i love donuts but you can't eat donuts every single day you could eat pizza almost every day burrito actually could eat more i don't know if you'd be able to eat a pizza every day that would get old real fast yeah also well what if you took one bite no old people get sick of that you would never eat pizzas are around i'm not i'm not objecting. It sounds like you're objecting.

But you don't eat... Like a donut, you eat as a circle.

You don't eat a pizza as a circle.

What about a...

You eat from the inside of the circle out.

You eat slices.

What about the long ones, the long skinny ones?

What about...

What about in Ninja Turtles, the video game,

when you just run over pie and just jump into your mouth?

Those aren't...

I feel like those have a different type of...

No, like the long john... What are they called? I think the Long Johns.
No. Pizza is round.
Final. Pizza is round.
I know. What about a bear claw? What about a fritter? Those are different names.
Yeah, that's true. You got me there.
They're at a donut store. They are at a donut store.
Something to think about. Okay.
Donuts are more pure round. Wow.
So we're going to do pure roundness? I mean, okay. Yeah, we're doing skull measurements now.
Okay. Let's hope you don't pick anything that's not fully round.
Let's hope. Let's hope.
Let's hope. Okay.
Max. I'll be taking boobs.
Oh, you dick. Good one.
I thought that was an easy one. One.
Hank, would you like to say anything about boobs not being fully round? They're not. And Hank has spoken.
Right? Yeah. No, I think they are.
They are curved. They're round.
It's a round piece of meat. Is it curved? Yeah.
All right. Yeah.
Good pick. Yeah, good pick.
Great pick. Okay.
All right. I'm going to go with pie.
Pie is round. Do you want to object to that, Hank? No, I like that pick.
Okay. All right.
Love pie. I'm more of a pie guy than I'm a cake guy.
Yeah.

I think pie clears cake all day.

Whoa.

Birthday cake, pretty decent.

Pie, vastly superior.

Yeah.

You don't think pie clears cake?

I think I've had more cake than pie in my life.

That's not the question, sir.

So, yeah, I would say that in my personal-

No, that's because one is served more.

Doesn't mean it's better.

You get force-fed cake at birthdays. I would prefer birthday pies.
Ice cream is better than cake. Why don't they just do ice cream at every birthday? They do.
They do both. No, they do cake way more than ice cream at a birthday.
But you've had more ice cream than cake because it's better. I've definitely had way more ice cream than cake.
Yeah, easily. I probably have had a lot of pie.
But that's because I select the ice cream myself. I go out of my way to purchase ice cream.
I don't get ice cream foisted upon me like people do with cake sometimes. Correct.
I don't want to talk shit about cake because I do enjoy cake, but pie is way better. Okay, pie, number one.
And then back to me, The Wheel. Good pick.
The Wheel. Add it on there.
Maybe the best invention of all time. Add it on there.
That and Red Zone. Add it on there.
Damn. You complain about that, Hank? Nope.
Nice. Good.
Nice. I'm going to take a basketball.
Yep. Okay.
Good pick. Shit.
Man. I'm getting foisted.
I'm going to take Earth. Yeah.
Good choice. Good pick.
Is this terrible Mount Rushmore? Might be. Might be.
Might be. The Earth's not round, Hank.
Yeah, might be. Ask your boy Kyrie.
It's way more round than boobs.

Oh!

You just went out of order.

You're right.

Wait.

What were you going to say?

He didn't go out of order.

No, he's fine.

You're good.

You're good.

Go.

What's your pick?

Your other one.

You have two.

No.

I shouldn't have stopped you.

Fuck.

What's the punishment if you go out?

There should be a...

No, you can just take... The other person can take it.
Yeah stopped you. Fuck.
What's the punishment if you go out? There should be a... No, you can just take...

The other person can take it.

Yeah, true.

Hmm.

Hmm.

There's a lot of good ones, but I don't really know.

Am I just going to go all food?

I mean, some of the best round things are food.

It is a lot of...

There's a lot of food out there.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm going to go with...

Thank you. I mean, some of the best round things are food.
It is a lot of there's a lot of food out there. Okay.
Okay. I'm going to go with.
Yeah, I'm going to go with a cookie cookie. Beautiful round thing.
Love a chocolate chip cookie. And then I will go.
People are going to be confused because they're going to think that our Mount Rushmore's are not the blind Mount Rushmore's. I'm going to go with the golf ball.
Great ball. Okay.
Decent ball. That's great ball.
They're going to think I was you and you were me. Especially when I take my next pick.
Oh, no. The sphere.
Oh, shit. This is going to be very confusing.
I'm going to lose because people vote against Hank. Damn, Big Cat.
You're really stinking this. I'm sucking right now.
And Hank's reaping all the benefits. That's wild.
Shit! I mean, we never know until the votes get kicked. Kind of a fraudulent pick by you because you've never been.
Also, wait. Is this sphere? Yeah, because we gave the earth.
Yeah. But it's also not fully round.
You just picked golf ball, though. The floor.
That boobs, the chest, like there's. Well, you opened this Pandora's box when you went at pizza.
We allowed. No, I didn't.
I didn't. I said I'm not objecting.
Boobs are round. You did.
You opened it. But there's a floor to them.
Boobs are round. They're round in shape.
Hank, you can't see the flat part, though. The flat part is connected.
That's the same with the sphere. So the part that you see, yeah.
No, I think both play. Yeah, I'm fucked.
I'm fucked with this one because people are just going to look at it blind and just be like, donut sphere. No, it may actually be good because some people have been wanting to give Hank pity votes.

Maybe I'll get that.

Maybe I'll get that.

I'm going to go with a baseball.

Oh, shit.

You took mine.

Baseball is a good pick.

Okay.

Now you got two.

So now I got two.

I'm going to go with the sun because there would be no earth without the sun.

Yeah.

And all of us would be dead, but that's fine.

It's just what?

It's just gas.

Yeah, but gas isn't like the cool way to sound. Round gas.

Like that's just gas as fuck.

Round gas.

Yeah.

Big round gas.

And then.

I mean, the sun is.

What?

It's gas.

It's burning gas.

It's a burning.

There's no burning ball. I'm going to be honest with you guys right right now The moon is round Scientifically speaking I'm gonna Take myself out of this Because I don't know What it is The sun is round I just assumed The sun was fire You wait Are you like Extra woke And you think That the sun is flat Is the sun lava It's gas It's plasma It's actually plasma If you look it up.
I'm in over my head. I never thought I'd be stepping away from a Hank debate, but I am.
Hank's looking it up. Hank knows more about the sun than me.
What is the sun? Is the sun round? Yes. The sun is not a perfect spear.
A perfect what? That should be illegal now that you got that pick.

Okay.

So for my last one, I'm going to go with...

Sun doesn't have a solid surface.

Shut the fuck up.

Neither does the earth.

Ever heard of water?

We're on a solid surface.

Yeah, partially.

Shut the fuck up, Hank.

All right. My last one, I'm going to take bagels.
Bagels. Love bagels.
Bagels sandwiches. Bagels for breakfast.
I was just going too many foods. Yeah, bagel, baby.
Okay. Bagel boss.
Me? Yeah. I'm going to...
I've taken it in my fourth pick like 10 times. I'm going to go meatball.
Oh, yes. Meatball.
Meatball. Meatball again.
Max just hits the meatball button.

Hank?

Oh, he's really thinking.

This is about to be a reach.

Bullseye.

Okay.

Bullseye.

Be careful.

Don't let's not contribute to the toxic climate in politics.

What the fuck does that mean?

Bullseye.

Were you trying to say dartboard?

You're just saying bullseye.

The target logo.

Got it.

You're sticking with bullseye.

Yeah, bullseye.

I'm going to go ahead. of climate and politics.
What the fuck does that mean? Bullseye. Were you trying to say dartboard? You're just saying

bullseye. The target logo?

You're sticking with bullseye.

So you're talking about the center of a dartboard.

Yeah, the best. That's a

great round thing. You get a bullseye.

Yeah, it's a bad pick. Whatever.

Man,

I don't know what to do

here. I got so many food options.

And then I got one. Hubie, should I go crazy or a little bit outside or stick with the food? You need to risk it for the biscuit now.
Okay. You want to go biscuit? Is that what you're saying? Biscuit's a great pick.
All right. Super Bowl ring.
How is that not round?

Kind of.

It's a ring.

The ring part is round.

Right.

I mean, everything else we've said has had parts that the sphere.

Yeah, but the part that makes it a Super Bowl ring is not round.

But it's a ring.

It's round.

It's what's built into the ring. A ring is round.

All right, fine.

I'm going to allow it.

No, no, I'm going to allow it. That has to be allowed.
I'm going to allow it. No, no, I'm going to allow it.

That has to be allowed.

I'm going to allow it,

but we're going to debate it.

Okay.

It has to be allowed, Max?

Well, with everything that we've said,

we haven't said anything's not allowed.

Like a ring is round.

A ring is round.

It's a Super Bowl ring.

It's a Super Bowl ring,

but it is round.

Yeah, there's stuff on top,

but it's round.

You put your finger in the round part. It's a Super Bowl ring.
It's a Super Bowl ring, but it is round. Yeah, there's stuff on top, but it's round.
You put your finger in the round part.

It's a Super Bowl ring.

Memes.

Also, there's a lot of Super Bowl rings that were fully round until recently.

Max Bullwiner.

That's true.

Like, the old school Super Bowl rings were literally just rings.

Yeah.

Like a little diamond on top.

Super Bowl ring rocks.

What do we miss?

A lot. We did miss a lot.
All right, so here were the food options I was thinking about Butthole No Butt cheeks Butt cheeks Butts Butts around Is a vagina round? Like I'm talking about the actual I don't think so You know The hole? No the like Yeah the The pee hole? The part The part that you go in Yeah not talking about the labia majora um i don't know i've never seen one uh waffles tortillas reese's peanut butter cups pancakes pancakes m&ms yep onion rings i had uh round here kind of crow song.

That song rocks.

Okay.

I was just thinking of round and I was, yeah, it got in my head and I was like, I put it on my list.

Lifesavers.

Yep.

The thing and the candy.

Pie charts.

Pie chart.

I hate pie chart.

I like pie chart.

No, give me a graph, like the bar graph.

No, see, because then you got to read the X and the Y.

I like the pie chart.

I just look at it and just like, okay, got it. What about a tin of dip? Yeah.
Or Lucy? Lucy. Manhole cover? Manhole cover.
Classic round thing. Yep.
Those are cool to look at. Gongs.
Gongs. Yeah, symbols in general.
Records. Drums.
CDs. The wheel of fortune wheel.
Fuck. Pretty cool.
Yeah. That one's pretty cool.
Sushi? Sushi's round. Yep.
Toilet paper roll? Yeah, but not a fan. You kind of need it.
I got really into the bidet situation. Burger, yeah.
Burgers! Burgers! There you go. Hubie? Oreos? Oh, this one's going to be triggering for max, so maybe take off your headphones.
Ping pong balls? Ping pong balls around. Ping pong balls around.
Yeah. And they're great.
Tennis balls, I think, are more versatile than a baseball or a golf ball. Yeah.
If I could have taken anything back, I'd probably go the bouncy ball. The classic bouncy ball.
Yeah. That's my favorite ball.
If you're left alone with it. If you're left, if you had the option to be left alone with a tennis ball, a golf ball, or a baseball...
Yeah, it's tennis ball all day. All day.
Yeah, throw it against the wall. Bounce it off the ground.
Throw it up to yourself. Baseball would be cool because you could work on your grips.
Yeah. A bowl? A bowl? Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, a bowl. Yeah, I thought it was a bowl for a second.
A bowl is round. Yeah.
And also, like, I was thinking about it. Do you ever...

There's nothing really that you have a bad bowl of.

You know what I mean?

When you're getting a bowl out, you're getting just good...

It's like soup, ice cream.

Cereal.

Yeah.

Cereal.

It's just great things.

Yeah, I agree.

Popcorn.

Like, a bowl delivers great things.

It does.

For a plate, you could have a bad meal, but a bowl is fucking great.

Basketball hoop?

Basketball ring? Sorry. Yeah.
yeah um i did have dartboard on i think took bullseye uh what about an aura can i get dartboard i feel like auras around no uh the o the o button the spin button yeah spin button's good um the number 100 is a round number, right? Yeah. It's a great number.
Just the letter O. Yeah, the letter O.
Letter O's good. Letter O.
Nobody took circle. Can I get dartboard bullseye? No.
You said bullseye. Ferris wheel? Ferris wheel? Yeah, that's very cool.
They scare me. I like those.
Oh, Hank, you said bullseye. I even said dartboard, and you said bullseye i even said dartboard you said bullseye yeah dartboard bullseye no bullseye that's but i whatever that's all right you i'm giving you your pick yeah you said bullseye and you said no just bullseye yeah bullseye like you said dartboard i said bullseye you clarified and said just bullseye means you got kentucky derby winning racehorse yeah that's an animal you could it could have just been racehorse but i specified is obviously but i specified as i made the pick kentucky derby winning racehorse you on the other hand said bullseye then we asked you numerous follow-up questions about the bullseye i don't think i said and then you said just the bullseye i don't think i said just the bullseye i just said bullseye I just the bullseye.
I just said bullseye. I think he did.

Oh, means.

Because they did give you the option.

Yeah.

I said dartboard almost immediately.

We gave you a lifeboat.

Okay.

Right away.

My bad.

No, it's good, dude. You're doing fine, sweetie.

Thanks.

What about just an eye, a human eye?

Oh, that's interesting.

Eyes are great.

Yeah.

Eyes are great.

A tire. I know we have wheel, but tires are cool.
Blueberries. Mm-hmm.
Nectarines. Yep.
Peaches. Yeah.
A lot of good fruits. Grapes.
What kind of grapes do you guys like? Purple. Yeah.
Same. I like wine.
I like the green ones. I like the only ...
I like purple, and then if I had to pick second, it's the cotton candy ones.

Cotton candy's good.

Those ones are so good.

Those ones freak me out.

They're too sweet almost.

They taste...

Why do they taste like cotton candy?

Yeah, they're weird.

Cherries.

Testicles.

Testicles.

I thought about testicles.

Yeah, but balls.

It's not tough to put up there.

Yeah.

It's not. A racetrack? Yeah, a racetrack yeah racetrack that's round yeah it goes round right medicine ferris wheel i said ferris wheel just now it's okay i'm dumb no no that's fine we're moving fast we also had hank kind of derailed us with the bullseye thing my bad ufos flying saucers a lighthouse if you're from bird's eye view yeah looking down it actually kind of looks like a bullseye yeah how did this happen Hank uh the partial sports logo also round yeah all right okay that was a good Mount Rushmore I feel good about it everyone feel good feel good? I feel good.
I think Hank felt good until Bullseye. Yeah, that's fair.
But they're going to vote. Like, they're going to think that you're me and me, I'm you.
What are you going to pick? Sphere, Donut, Bullseye. What was the other one? And I have golf ball, pizza.
Earth. Earth pick because you got pretty much everything everyone critiques every Mount Rushmore sometimes you gotta take shots you say things yeah who cares the whole point is to just have fun with the boys after Max's's first pick, if I had picked nipples, would that have counted? No.
Pepperoni is part of it. Oh, pepperoni is a great pick.
Fuck. I didn't want to go so hard for food.
Yeah, I think nipples would have not counted just because they are a part of the boob. They're the most important part of the boob.
They're the part of the boob. But it's the best part of the boob.
Right. If you don't have a nipple, you have no boob.
Memes wanted me to just take synonyms of boobs, so I was going to go melons, pepperonis. Oh, you should have.
Memes. You horny, horny.
Front porches. Okay.
Good Mount Rushmore, boys. Good job.
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Find all One Bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jason worth also horse owner uh jason thank you for coming in studio my pleasure to see you you got the american century championship hat on yeah golfer still uh still flying the hat there yeah so um let's start with uh actually i don't know where you want to start we want to start horse owning we're starting uh all your businesses that you got going on if we wherever you want to start i'm just happy to be here i finally made it, I'll start here.
Jason Wirth, the connection that we have is we just had David Wells on a couple weeks ago, and Jason Wirth's first MLB hit was against David Wells. How pumped were you for your first MLB hit? Also, how long did it take? Because I always wonder, guys who take a while, does it really fuck you up? Yeah, so's a good story so I uh I was a catcher all like growing up and up until triple a and then I was with Toronto they finally were like the tired of watching it so they moved me to the outfield and I played left in triple a the whole year played like 10 games in center and I get to the September 1st to get called up we're playing the playing the Yankees um in the Sky dome or rogers center whatever they call it now and i go in the the clubhouse i look at the lineup and i'm like oh shit you know nine batting ninth worth nine and i'm like the fuck's nine i'm like oh shit i'm playing right field yeah i've never even seen a nine by my name before so i was like okay so you know you don't ever play in stadiums with five decks you don't ever play in domes you know when your kid growing up you know minor leagues whatever so my first game is playing right field at rogerson they like we're out there playing catch running sprints before the game and they open the dome and so i'm like this is fucked you know and of course first pitch before the game, and they open the dome.
And so I'm like, this is fucked.

And, of course, first pitch of the game,

Alfonso Soriano hits the highest fly ball that I ever caught in my career.

First pitch in the big league.

But you caught it.

But I caught it, barely.

And then my first at bat off Boomer, I hit a bullet down the third baseline,

and Ron Coomer was playing third that day, and he picked it up like picked it up and i think he threw it between his legs to second for a double play and like i didn't really get doubled up much in my career especially when i was younger because i could move a little bit and uh first at bat in the big leagues is like like a piss missile double play i'm still in the stand in the box i'm like fuck they're doing like harlem globetrotter shit yeah exactly like i'll never get a hit so i ended up getting a getting a hit in the game we won um i think i had two hits maybe that was a long time ago but um that's really not the the boomer well story that yeah that um i was mentioning so uh a couple years later i'm with the dodgers and i hit a homer off him and And after the game, he texts Jeff Weaver, who's a teammate with L.A., and he says, you know, what's up with that Worth kid? He's like, oh, dude, you love him. And so he comes over, and he's like, all right.
He's like, tells Weave, he's like, tell Worth to meet me at this address. And so Dream, he comes over, and he's like, hey, Boomer wants you to meet him at this address.
i'm like you know i'm like i'm a kid i'm like well it's just like a hell's angels yeah you're gonna get you're gonna get killed yeah yeah i'm like what's going on he's like no he's cool so i go i meet him like best time ever just the coolest dude like yeah you know a couple friends there and like we just hung out and and boozed it up one night in la and like you know i was still a rookie at the time so it was like my first experience with uh with david wells and i've been friends with him ever since and like saw him american century i don't know if you saw the picture or whatever yeah uh just the greatest guy i mean i've ran into him and we've hung out like you know 50 times probably i go to his i go to his uh charity golf event he's like one of my better friends in baseball that i didn't actually play with yeah you know so he's he's the man that's a that's a scary proposition to hit a home run off him and have him be like meet me here yeah well i was like what the fuck you're getting set up it's like that scene in goodfellas yeah i was getting made i was legit scared yeah i wonder how many other guys that he's like giving up the first hit to and then texts them afterwards. He's like, I have to be best friends with you.
Yeah. He seems like a baseball historian, so I imagine it's probably a handful of guys.
He is. Yeah, I don't know.
He's a cool-ass dude, though. Yeah.
So wait, wait. I have a question about the catcher to outfield thing.
I mean, you thought you were going to be a catcher your whole life. At what point were you like, this is probably not going to work out and I have to go play in the outfield? And how long did it take to actually learn outfield? So AA was 01 with first year with the Blue Jays, and they started playing me at some different positions.
DH, and we had Josh Phelps was there. Kevin Cash, Guillermo Quiroz.
There was like a backlog of catchers with the blue jays um and i had a big year uh in double a that year it's like my kind of my breakout minor league season hit like 20 homers and the next year in spring training was been oh two um and the dick scott was the farm director and he came in and wanted to have a conversation with me he sits me down he's like how would you feel about moving to and before he could even tell me where i was like yes oh yes like wherever you're talking about you were done catching i mean i was not a very good first baseman but i would i would have done that all day long instead of catching but it feels like fucking suck yeah but the only thing with catching is it probably sucks beyond belief but you don't like if you hit 20 home runs as a catcher you're one the best catchers. Whereas if you hit 20 home runs as an outfielder, it's like, ah, he's okay.
So I'm 6'5". I actually didn't even – It's crazy you caught.
Didn't even like catching. You know, it's like you're always getting second-guessed by the pitching coach, and if somebody hits a home run, it's your fault.
Yeah. You know, I just – I don't know.
The standout in the outfield and picking daisies, that sort of thing, is more my style. Yeah, save your knees.
Save your knees. That's probably the, I mean, as a person who's 6'5", yeah, and you're back, trying to catch for that long.
I played with Matt Wieters in Washington. He was like 6'4", and, I mean, it was like he'd been catching for a long time, and you could tell.
He couldn't run, his knees, his back, everything was slow, and I could run. So, you know he couldn't run his knees his back everything was slow and i could run so you know by the time may came around you know catching you you couldn't run i caught over 100 games four years in a row in the minor leagues yeah that sounds awful yeah it's terrible yeah uh so growing up you were you were a baseball family right yeah everybody in your family played professional baseball correct was there any any option for you to not be a professional baseball player? Was it always like Jason one day he will play in the big leagues? Yeah.
I mean, from the time I was like hitting T-ball or even before that, I did, I did sign with the university of Georgia and I was an all state basketball player in the state of Illinois. Oh, wow.
You know, a hot take. Um, if I went to Georgia, I was going to try and walk on and play hoops.
Wow. I don't know if it would have worked but i don't think i had much of a career path in basketball yeah yeah i mean that's the classic debate how many major league baseball players could play in the nba and how many nba players could play major league baseball i think i could have maybe set the bench if i really put a lot of time into it yeah yeah would have been like a nobody yeah Yeah.
So obviously I'm a Nationals fan.

Max, behind the glass, is a Phillies fan.

We had this debate earlier.

Do you consider yourself to be a National or a Philly?

Who am I talking to?

You're talking to me.

Well, I'm a Nat.

Nat for life.

You're also talking to me.

I'm a Philly.

Nat for life.

I got a question.

Which team did you retire for?

Washington.

Yeah, Nat.

Wasn't that interesting, Max?

Which team did you win a World Series for?

Philly.

But it's interesting that he came back to Washington he paid you more washington washington yeah which team did you change the culture at washington which team did you hit more uh your best season for the phillies and that team i was on in philly we i mean we took that we were losing uh in 07 we we ran down the Mets 08. We ran down the Mets, won a World Series.
And, you know, that changed Philadelphia at the time. So, I mean, that run from Philly to Washington was pretty good for me.
Even, you know, being in the NL East, I mean, there is the whole deal. We're good now, but there was that seven years of getting booed off the field every time I stepped on the field in Philadelphia.
Yeah, yeah. I there's no animosity anymore.
So we're good. Yeah.
You're a champion. Yeah, we won.
What was the, was there any chance you were going to stay in Philly when you, or is it that's offered me so much money, I'm not trying to stay? Well, I wanted to stay in Philly. I mean, we had a great team.
We were all about the same age. I mean, you know, Chase and Jimmy and Shane, and then they kind of pat left, whatever.
But, I mean, we had an awesome team. Cole, I wanted to stay, but there was Ryan, obviously, Ryan Howard.
There just wasn't – the GM told me that this couldn't pay everybody. Right.
So he offered me some bullshit hometown discount, even though I'm from Illinoisinois and uh and it just you know it wasn't in the cards i hired scott boris and and uh pretty much made it known i was going to hit the free free agency market you yeah i think you should get credit for for the world series in dc too because that when you got to dc we sucked it was it was a bad ball club 200 lost seasons yeah 200 lost seasons back to back right yeah and then jason worth shows up uh they kind of asked you to mentor bryce harper which is kind of a weird thing to ask a grown man to do when they're they're paying another guy a lot of money but was that what was that like when he was coming up and it was like okay bryce is the future of the team jason is the guy that's going to change the culture and move things around. But we need Jason to make sure that our young guy doesn't screw up too bad.
Yeah, I wasn't very good at that. Bryce was an interesting kid.
I love Bryce. We were talking about it earlier, how hard it had to have been to be Bryce Harper or like Alex Rodriguez or somebody that had a lot of fame at a young age.
You're the chosen one before your brain is even half developed. And before you've even done anything in the sport or at the level.
I think Bryce had a tough time in Washington at times. At other times, he was great.
He was MVP one year. We were good.
We had good teams in Washington while I was there but you know Bryce has moved on to Philly which is kind of like you know funny that that happened with him and you know he's you know now he's like the face of MLB which was kind of what was you know how it was supposed to go yeah it was destined for and he's an awesome he's an awesome dude he's a great dad teammate, husband. I mean, Bryce has turned into an unbelievable big leaguer.
So I don't know if I help or hurt that cause along the way. We had some good times.
We had some tough times. But, you know, it's all part of growing up in the big leagues.
You know, the veterans kind of have a hold of the team, and the young guys got gotta fall in line and um you know ryan zimmerman was there ian desmond he mean he had a lot of a lot of good good guys we had good teams in washington i i mean that was one thing that's cool about my career is i've always played on good teams yeah what about so a moment you were a little later in your career the the famous Papelbon versus Bryce scuffle.

The D.C. Strangler came out.
Yeah.

Where were you when that was going down,

and what was the vibe like in the locker room after,

and how does that get resolved?

I mean, Pap was just on a podcast talking about this.

I don't know if you –

He talks a lot.

He has a lot to say.

Pap, I'll show you a video.

You just sent me a video from one of the basketball games.

It was interesting.

Pap's unbelievable. So I was at the other side of the dugout, and it had been building between the two of them.
We weren't in the playoffs, so August is always the month of hate in the MLB. So no matter if your team's good or bad, everybody wants to fucking kill each other, and literally it's the month of hate.
Just from being around each other for so much and then either you either you fight and you suck and there you fight and you go on to win yeah and there's no there's it's it's coming it's inevitable august is is uh everyone hates each other it's hot you're miserable um and this was september and we suck so it was even worse and uh you know i think harp just didn't put in the effort that uh that pap was looking for that day and um uh he was in the he was in the dugout i have to go back and look why why he was even in the dugout in the bottom of the ninth he either either you know must have gave up a home run or came in a tie game or when we were down or whatever because usually if you know if the closer is in the dugout the bottom of the ninth either yeah it's not great to say didn't do that very often and uh yeah and then i think i think the i think the key words in that exchange were either do you want to fucking go or let's fucking go you gotta read bryce's mouth and you you see fucking head twitch from Pap. And it was like, it just happened so fast.
And then I coined the phrase, the DC Stranglers shortly after that. So what happens in the locker room after something like that? Because I mean, shit happens, like you said, the month of hate, it's 162 games.
You guys are with each other all the time. There's fights.
I mean, people get upset. upset i mean it happens all the time you got 25 grown-ass men that are you know work out every day they play their balls off every day i mean there's there's fights there's you know people hate each other there's shit that goes on behind the scenes that no one ever sees that spilled over onto the cameras which was a little tough we had a uh i guess according to the Pabaps um you know podcast he did the other day he called the meeting which i you know i just i just walked in there after getting our ass kicked again and next thing you know we have a meeting and they kind of talked about it and and um how's that yeah when he when he talked about was he like did you guys just see me kick bryce's ass is that what the meeting was no i mean he apologized and I mean he called the meeting I guess and he was just like hey you know I'm sorry I wouldn't shouldn't have you know shouldn't have done this blah blah blah hey the the interesting part from a fan's perspective is because we always you know fans sit there and when we played uh the sport we're watching it was when you were in little league and like you're you're all your friends and in your head, you're like, oh, these guys must all be friends.
But that's never how it works. In a clubhouse.
I mean, you are and you're not. Yeah, but how many guys, was there some guys in clubhouses, not even naming names, but you're like, yeah, they genuinely hate each other, but we can figure out a way to get along? Yeah.
You know mean for the most part everybody gets along i mean the mets do things sometimes that i think would probably fall under that you know but they're the fucking mets so that's just what happens um i just don't i don't get their i don't get their franchise at all i played in the nla's for too long and and played against them. What's so different about the Mets? I don't know.
They just suck. So in a day-to-day, were you considered a glue guy or were you like, I'm going to mind my own business type of guy? I mean, I would think you'd probably call me a glue guy.
Yeah. So would you take responsibility of like, hey, look, I know this isn't going well right right now, just vibes.
I've got to figure out a way to... I think you just make it work.
I played on mostly championship teams that won the division almost every year. You've got to make it work.
You fight, you get up, you hug it out, and you move on. The fight's not with each other, it's with the other team.
You literally walk on the field, at least you used to you used to the games changed a little bit but you used to walk on the field every day like with the mentality and the thought is i might have to fight the whole other team right right you know so like that and i and i know that my guys got my back you know so that's kind of the the mentality at the end of the day when the game starts you know you're all in it together you're all brothers we're all gonna we're out there to you know fucking kill people but um because i remember you had it's the good team yeah you had a quote about like the analytics in baseball and just how the people upstairs they they read books and do math and bullshit like that was what you said yeah and downplaying the twirlybirds yeah you might call them super nerds at that point too yeah i fucked that out they that up. They're twirly birds.
But downplaying the importance of chemistry,

because I do think that gets lost,

especially with how the media talks about it,

how the analytics talk about it.

It's like guys wanting to fight for each other doesn't show up in a box score,

but it's really fucking important.

Yeah, I mean, I think the Yankees have proved

you can have all the best players,

but if you don't have the chemistry, it doesn't matter.

You got to give me a group of guys that might not be the best players,

but they get along and they're all moving in the right direction,

and we'll go win.

Yeah, because you're more of the little things right, I would imagine,

if it's something that you actually care about.

You care about the guy next to you,

you make sure that you're backing him up on a throw to third base,

all sorts of stuff, right?

Yeah, and that's the stuff off the field too, I think, and in the clubhouse and, like, how that all works. The 19 Nats were a perfect example of that.
I mean, we had all those things all those years. We just couldn't get over the hump.
You know, we get to the playoffs, we lose in the first round. Like, what was it? And the 19 team, they were able to put it all together.
You know, they brought in Parra and my nemesis, Annabelle Sanchez. He's your nemesis? Dude, look it up.
It's bad. Oh, wait.
No, tell me a story because Annabelle Sanchez is a personal hero of mine just because I had him on my fantasy team the year that he threw a no-hitter. That's literally the whole story.
That's my only thing. That was my every game against him.
It's something like three for 35 with like 28 punch outs. Damn.
Jesus Christ. And then like I faced him when I was hot, when I was cold.
I did hit a homer off him in Philly, but it like it hit the back of the fence, like went in the flower bed, you know, barely count. Yeah, right.
Didn't feel good. I remember we went into Detroit.
I was with the Nats. I was hot.
I was like player of the month. And I was going in there.
I was like, I was going in there I was like I'm gonna get him this is it you know and it was like two punch outs and a broken bat back to the pitcher and it was just like and I got three hits the next day oh man it's crazy it didn't matter yeah how psycho is Max Scherzer as a teammate? on the day he pitches yeah from like 2.30 on Max is great he's one of my buddies. You love, you know, it's like, you're a horse for one day and you're a horse's ass for the next four.
That was Max. He's just, he's an idiot.
But on the day he pitches, you want him with the ball. But at like 2.30 on, he puts the headphones on and starts listening to like, I don't know what he's to but you know and the funny thing is he'll tell he'll look over to like his locker mate and be like you know with the squirrely ass eyes he's got he's like see you on the other side and then he puts his headphones on and he goes full psycho until he comes out of the game it's all it's awesome the day that you know you come in you look at the lineup you're like you know you don't really for the most part you don't know who's pitching every day just you know you're gonna play every day whoever pitches is inconsequential but you walk in and you see Scherzer you know pitching and you're like immediately you're like fuck yeah let's go yeah because you know he's gonna be just he's gonna be fired up uh for the game so yeah yeah ultimate I I got to ask you about maybe one of the best at-bats in Major League Baseball history.
It was the NLDS, right? Yep. And you had 13 pitches, and then you hit a dinger, walk it off, bottom of the ninth.
When we're watching that at-bat, at home, it's like every single pitch you get more and more nervous as a fan. When you're in the box going through that at-bat bat, are you like, fuck another foul ball.
I hope I don't fuck this next one up. Do you get more nervous or do you get more locked in? No, I only get nervous for horse racing.
That at bat was cool. So that bullpen, that Cardinal bullpen that year was the hardest throwing bullpen of all time.
And it wasn't even close. And that was like the new age bullpen.
Now every bullpen is constructed like that. Everyone's throwing 100 out of the pen.
Their bullpen was nasty. That Lance Lennon there, he had like an 18-game winner.
And I start off the inning, he paints two heaters down the way at 97. I'm down 0-2.
I always had this thing, the personal thing of mine, where if I got down 0-2, I'll be like, all right, let's get it to 3-2. You know, if I get to 3-2, now I can win the at-bat.
So, and it's, you know, it never works out. I mean, sometimes it does, but that's the kind of the mentality.
We're going to fight. We're going to battle and get to 3-2.
You know, we're going to be tough out. And I just kept grinding.
I kept grinding and fouling balls off. But as I kept fouling those balls off, I kept timing them up.
And there was like a 2-2 pitch, I think. He threw a hook.
And, you know, Yachty, probably the best catcher of all time, he went to frame it and just kind of hit off the bottom of his mitt, just didn't quite catch it. You know, if he catches it, I'm done.
So then I went to 3-2. I was like, I fucking got him.
And I fouled a ball off., and the next pitch I shot him, and it was like a pretty cool moment for D.C. and for me, obviously, signing that big deal and kind of sucking the first year, getting the organization turned around in the right direction.
And then I broke my wrist that year in 2012. I had all these wrist problems when I was younger, and so then I break my wrist.
Second year in Washington it's just like oh my god I'm gonna things could not go worse right and then the team plays great we're like best team in baseball I come back off the DL and end up in like 310 or 12 or something that year and then got that hit but the next day I lead off with a double and we go up like six seven seven runs, and then we end up fucking losing that game. We were just so snakebit in the playoffs.
We had that 18-in game against the Giants that we couldn't win. It's just like when we go to San Fran, we needed to win a game, and all hell breaks loose.
It was weird. It was like we just weren't meant to win.
Everything went against us. The series against the Cubs that year, I mean, we had them beat, and we beat them up.
When they went and played the Dodgers the next round, they had nothing. Same thing the next year, the Dodgers, we had them beat.
They had bring Clayton Kershaw off no day's rest out of the bullpen, and we had them beat, and they ended up beating us. And then they played the Cubs, and they had nothing left.
We were set up. I felt like we were just hitting our strides.
So it was like if we could ever gotten through the first round, I mean, I thought every time we were in the playoffs, we were going to win it all. Yeah, yeah.
But we got our championship in 2019. I wasn't there, but I feel like, like you said, I had a lot to do with that team and those guys.
Well, it's a big change in terms of what the team was like before you got there to the way that you left the team afterwards. And you were talking about changing culture.
How much can one guy do as a baseball player to change a culture in a city? I mean, I tried a lot. We had a lot.
Zim was a big, big help. I mean, if I ever wanted to get anything done, I went to Ryan.
The ownership and the GMs, they would listen to Ryan. I became white noise, I think, towards the end.
I was asking for so much. You know, we changed the medical, we changed the food and the clubhouse and did a lot of good stuff and created this a really good environment for guys to go and win and be successful and be comfortable.
How important is the food? I think it's everything. Would you stop at McDonald's and feed your racehorse on a Big Mac on the way to the track and expect him to win? Right.
Or would you want to feed him the best food in the world and make sure he has everything he needs from a training, mind, body, spirit type of approach? Yeah. I got a question about your time in Washington as well.
And it doesn't totally apply, but it's more like where baseball's headed. So obviously it was very famous when Strasburg came up and he gets hurt and then they put the limits on him.
You see it now with young pitchers like Paul Skeens had a no-hitter going through seven and they took him out of the game game what are the rest of the guys in the clubhouse think when the management puts a limit on the pitchers and you know that it's not the pitcher's fault but you're like come on like this guy's a stud let's keep him out there yeah this is a tough one for me because you know i still i've still want to work in baseball ongoing so i can't bury my former employer this one. Yeah.
I will say that we had a conversation at the beginning of the year. Davey Johnson was the manager, and I said, why are we going to start Strauss opening day if we have these innings limits? Why wouldn't we start them in May so we can get them through October? And, I mean, we're coming off 200 lost seasons, a 500 season, and then that season.
And he looked at me and says, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Yeah.
So I'm like, fuck. Yeah.
All right. And that was about all I had to say about it.
But, I mean, I feel like looking back, I wish I would have said more. I don't think it would have mattered.
They don't give a fuck what I say. But are the guys in the clubhouse, like, do they get frustrated? I mean, I'm sure Strauss was frustrated too.
I think we were all frustrated, especially since we lost. But, I mean, Strauss was healthy.
I don't know. Could he have pitched out of the pen? Could he have came in and closed games? Did he want to? Was he like, I want to be in there? I don't know.
I mean, being injured and not getting to the point where you've made money is really tough in that game. Right.
So you've got to look out for yourself, unfortunately. But at the same time, you've got to be there for your guys.
Strauss was young. The team was in its infancy.
I mean, it turned out he got paid, and they won a World Series so I think it all it all worked out would I like to see him you know continue to pitch or even start the season later yeah so we would have had him of course but um I don't know we still had a chance we were up six runs I mean in that game five we had I mean we we should have closed that out I mean it's just another one of those weird things when I was there we just just you felt snake bit bit really yeah yeah i mean it does it's a good point that you made which is like if we have him on this innings limit or this pitches limit whatever the case was uh why don't we just start the clock later and the fact that he's like we'll cross that bridge when we get there that's pretty much saying yeah we're just we're not going to do that yeah just go but go uh go back go out into right field yeah third or yeah second or whatever it's the same of innings. It would make sense to just push it back a little bit.
Switching over to the outfield, do you remember the first time that you lost a ball in the lights or just lost in the clouds? Because that feels like it must be the most helpless feeling. It's the worst.
Yeah, and for whatever reason, I wasn't good at it. Sun balls, too.
First one, I don't know. There's a good one at a – you can still find it, I think.
It was a twilight ball. So for like three minutes every night, sometimes the sky goes purple, and if the ball goes up, you got no shot.
And it was kind of later in my career, and we all we all talked about it the worst is when you see an outfielder go back and he's throwing his hands up and like i can't see it i can't see it and everyone's just running because they know he can't see yeah you know so i'm like what well just act like you have it yeah you know you know the center field you know i don't see it like get get over here yeah right so um andre ether was was hitting for the Dodgers, and my buddy Chase Utley was on second, and we were kind of like later in our career. And Andre Ether hits a ball up, and I go back and camp underneath it like I definitely got it.
And I don't see it until I see it go over my head. But I was already at the spot.
And then I act like I catch it, and I look at Chase at second base, and he looks at me. He's like, I can see him be like, what the fuck? And he's laughing around third.
I'm laughing. It was hilarious.
I text him out of the game. I was like, I fucking got you.
But that was, there was there was the gif actually or the yeah you can see the ball goes right over my you know and they did the thing where it was like the circle for like MLB the show it was like when your controller stops working yeah I don't know it was pretty funny but it is it sucks my buddy Sean Kelly he tells everybody that I'm the worst outfielder of all time because it was like there was two times and uh in milwaukee now milwaukee has the weird the weird glare sometime on day games like the afternoon game it gets kind of weird in the fall and uh there was two balls that went out there i never saw like one almost hit me i was like i was trying to like just catch the sun and like went right here. I mean, you're fucked.

It's not a good feeling.

It's not where you want to be.

But I just always felt like the guys that are running around acting like idiots,

and they don't see the wall.

Yeah, giving it away.

Yeah, I'm like, just stand there and act like you got it.

Yeah.

Neither way works.

I got a horse racing question for you.

Who's your goat horse race?

And this is a very important question, because we have one as a podcast. What do you mean's your goat your goat horse the best horse oh that's easy dornick oh okay all right you can name your own we we think secretariat was uh roided up and flight line is my personal goat so i was at that so i just got into horse racing yeah so i haven't really i'm like this is year three of horse racing for me i was at that flight land race and at the time the breeders yeah yeah i was there too i i felt like i was watching muhammad ali in the prime yeah it was i was the coolest i've seen some cool shit and i i put that up there it's number two now after after dornick's winning the the uh the belmont that's like i put the world series the parade and then the belmont win is my top three yeah that's gotta be awesome did you find that that horse racing people have uh welcomed you with open arms or is it still is it like a club that you're trying to get into uh i don't know we'll see i mean i think winning the belmont was was uh was kind of like my entry in you can't say anything to you now yeah yeah so uh i know one thing uh saratoga i haven't doing that at saratoga was really awesome and then so like the next day we went back on sunday to like get some souvenirs and shit and just run by the tracks they had a couple people and i felt like the mayor of saratoga or something yeah saratoga i've said it before people are so great for people who don't know saratoga and keeneland are the fenway and wrigley of horse race correct like that they are the, they are the special, special places when you walk in.
You feel like you're back in time. Right, exactly.
It's, like, very old-timey, and it feels that way. That's a good analogy.
Yeah, so, I mean, that's crazy that you won the Belmont three years in. My first cold I bought.
It's nuts. Like, that doesn't happen in horse racing.
No, it doesn't happen, period. Yeah, right.
So, are you, like, are you all in? Are you, is because it because it's very cool if you if you have the money and and you know you can get some success it's got to be one of the coolest things to be able to buy horses and win big time races yeah it's addicting um but look i tell people that you know running a tuesday 16 claimer at tampa bay downs is exciting yeah i mean it's not as exciting but but it's like winning a big game. Yeah.
Winning the Belmont was like winning the World Series. Yeah.
That's kind of the emotions that you feel. I think horse racing is cool for athletes in general, regardless of what level you played.
Because if you own the horse, I think when you bet on the horse compared to when you own the horse are two different things yeah you know you're like dealing with a family member that's that's playing um but i i say that when they come out of the gate it i get the emotions of what i had when i was playing yeah and you can't replicate those you know you can't you know you can't play you know anything really golf or whatever you know pick up basketball whatever it is i mean you can't do anything anymore after you're done playing you know a sport that gives you those emotions and then all of a sudden i start getting in the horse race and i'm like damn like i'm back on the field right you know then you win you're like fuck yeah woo it's uh it's it's for i I think for athletes, it's an amazing sport.

How did you get into it in the first place?

Was there somebody that you had that was a friend that owned a horse

and was like, hey, I think you'd enjoy this?

Yeah, I was playing golf with some guys.

I just kind of started playing golf, too.

That's not fair that you're that good.

I played a lot as a kid, sorry.

I started again.

Wait, how good are you?

I mean, he was like plus eight or plus ten on...

What did you shoot?

I got ten points at American Century, but I played bad.

Pretty damn good.

Yeah, it's really good.

I'm a 5.6 handicap.

Did you see what A-Rod shot?

He was awful.

I saw him on the range.

I didn't need to see what he shot.

So they cap your strokes per hole, right?

Yeah.

You can only get a double.

I think he maxed like every hole.

His first round he did. His swing would lead you to believe that's true.
Yeah. But yeah, that's not fair.
For such a great athlete, he's such a bad golfer. But it's so funny because when you see athletes, like professional athletes golfing, you're like, this is not fair.
And then you remind yourself like, oh yeah, they just move different than everyone else. So of course there can be good at golf yeah you guys just move differently i think there's exceptions but yeah but i mean it's for the most part like you see them you're like yeah of course they are and i can understand if alex just started playing golf because when i started first started again i was really bad because the baseball swing the golf swing are two totally different things yeah is there a sport that you really stink at I don't really play many sports.
So the answer is you probably are awesome at all. Every sport that you've played.
All-state basketball. Won the Belmont.
Yeah. So far, so good.
Yeah. The all-star.
Seems like you're pretty damn good at all of them. I wasn't really good at long-distance running.
That's not a sport. I really suck at long distance running.

That's a great thing to suck at.

That actually means that you're smart.

It means that your body knows to conserve energy.

Why would you do that anyways?

Yeah, it's a shitty sport.

Exactly.

So the other thing you're into is you're a farmer.

And you farm regular crops, right?

And also marijuana.

How did you get into that? We haven't actually started farming marijuana we're in the process we have we have a license too and we're building the uh the concept uh but yeah i got into ag uh kind of an 09 it was more of a place just to get away from everybody after the season and and do some deer hunting and then it turned into this um it was about the same time I started kind of taking real good care of myself, like eating organically, just doing everything I could to be the best athlete. And I didn't want them spraying all that shit on my land because I wanted to eat the, process the deer that we killed., I just want to be eating good stuff too.
So it turned into this organic farming project, which is, uh, which is cool. I, it turns out I like agriculture and we applied for, um, a craft grow marijuana license, uh, a few years back and we got it and we're kind of building that all out.
So. Yeah.
That's awesome. It's really cool.
Yeah. So do you actually get out in the fields and do you, do you like get on the and you get hands-on with it yeah i'm more i'm more into like the planning side of it uh i've got a farmer that actually farms but uh i've done some uh i've done some harvesting and kind of get out there and move some big machinery around i like you know i like driving stuff like that so i've done it a little bit but i mean that's i don't know that's a that's a whole different animal yeah i've been saying for the last four years that that weed has gotten too potent in america it's gotten too strong and we need to bring back like just good quality normal weed regular weed like mids well we did like ditch weed no not not like bad not like weed that'll give you a hangover this is this is the battle that i fight against people sometimes i'm like, let's just smoke normal weed.
And they're like, wait, you want to smoke shake? No, I want to smoke something that I can enjoy and then go out and function and go about my day. But a lot of the weed nowadays, it's like you hit it, then at least for me, I have to just sit down on a couch and watch a show that I'm going to forget.
You have a low tolerance. I might have a low tolerance, but I think America needs to bring back mids.
Think about it. Just making average.
Regular wheat. Just one strain of average wheat.
It's an interesting concept. Our business plan is actually built on the opposite.
We're going for the super high end. Super high potency.
Just have one plant that just says normal pot. Yeah, literally just put one plant outside.
I think you could probably do this yourself. Now that you're talking about it, I probably could.
You could do it on your rooftop. They allow you three plants in Illinois, right? Yeah.
Do they really? I think so. Fuck it.
I'm going to grow my own weed. Yeah.
I'm going to show you. I'm going to show everybody.
Yeah. And I'm going to sell it for, since it's only one plant, I can charge just an enormous rate for it.
Well, be illegal. Yeah.
You're right. I'm not going to.
Definitely not going to be doing that. We're going to smoke it.
And we're going to smoke it. Yeah.
We're going to have a hell of a time. Try it.
Let me know. If it gets popularity, maybe we'll change our business plan up.
Yeah. I'll sell you my seeds.
Yeah. Max, I'm sure you have a couple questions.
Max is a diehard Phillies fan.ies fan baseball player I don't know if you saw some of his

swings last night he was the Matt Stairs of the

CAA in college

I was following around last night you guys are

idiots yeah I mean

way too old to be going out there trying to hit 700

home runs well those Max is a little bit

younger I'm an idiot

when I looked at the we're talking

obviously about the Jerry After Dark

we did the Barry Bonds record I looked

at the halfway through I looked at the leaderboard

and it was the bottom four guys were all 37 plus, and I was like, this might be the moment that we got to just stop. But Max was a beast, and Max is still in his prime.
So Max, baseball guy to baseball guy. You got questions about the Phils, the World Series champion Phils? I have one question, and it's not about the world series team it's about the 07 team and the mets collapse let's talk about it what exactly was going on like in the clubhouse during september like you were you guys were so far back and the mets had such a big lead and like each day like the mets kept losing the phillies kept winning like what was going on in the clubhouse well did you actually think that you had a shot to catch them? I think we thought that there was no way in hell we weren't catching them.
The mentality of that team, and that's what set that run off because we knew we were so far back. We were seven down and 17 to play.
Crazy. That's nuts.
Crazy. Yeah.
So we sweeped mets um and i had a i had a big game i think that might have been oh eight we did the same thing in oh eight we were down seven seven with 20 to play you can't even remember your favorite mets collapse there are like five so many of them they come together but there was like there was i stole second Tie game. I like walked off Billy Wagner.
And then I stole second. We were down a run.
I stole second and third. And then Taguchi.
I played for the White Sox. So Taguchi? No.
So it was on 08. This was 07 then.
Okay. So this was 07.
This was the one. So it's still second, third.
He hits a double and ties the game, and Chase comes up

and gets a base hit to win it to walk him off on a four-game series.

And that was the moment where it was like, we can't be stopped.

And we come down.

So this is cool.

The last day of the season, second to last day of the season.

I guess it was the second day. damn they all run together now i we come out of the we come out of the tunnel walking down the tunnel to go to do uh to run your pregame sprints whatever and it's like it's fucking loud out there and by the time we got in the dugout it's like it like cranks it up like you know it's like full throttle and we look and it's seven nothing marlins against the mets and they like started like you know 105 we're like the 135 game so it was like seven nothing to start the game and like we like that the place philly is so fucking cool in this regard it was going ape shit i mean everyone was going everyone was going nuts.
And the game was, you know, we're still 20 minutes until the game. Yeah.
And it was like, we ain't losing. And so we went in that game.
I think it ended in kind of a crazy double play still, but that would have made us tied for the set. If we would have lost, we would have been tied going into the last game of season, but then we up so um and then the next day i charlie told me i wasn't playing so i was like sitting in there i had my shoes off had my spikes off um and then uh jimmy comes in and says hey

you're you're up it's like the ninth inning or something like that i'm like i'm up like

all right so i throw my shoes on i got 19 stolen bases on the year and like 24 home runs

Thank you. up like all right so i throw my shoes on i got 19 stolen bases on the year and like 24 home runs so i'm like fuck i got a chance to go 2020 and uh i get a i get a base hit or i walk or somehow i ended up on first base and i steal second base you know dead cold like probably could have like tore hamstring or something but i went 2020 that year and like i wanted to rip the base out of the ground but i didn't i didn't because it was only 20 bases but um yeah that was uh that was a you know that was kind of the start of the the mets kind of in my mind being the mets yeah yeah yeah then we did it again the next year.
Then won the World Series. Yeah, it was awesome.

I was 12 years old during the 07 run.

I think that was the first time that we made the playoffs

that I could really remember.

And then that just set up the Phillies to be such a good franchise

for a little while.

Yeah, we sell out every night.

Oh, yeah.

It's like what it is now.

You watch the Philly games now.

I mean, the place is going bananas. They're loving it.
Yeah. What's the hardest place to play? Is it in Philly? For me, it was the old Marlin Stadium.
It was anything in Miami was hard, I guess. I don't know.
I didn't play very good down there. The giant fish statue? Yeah.
And what was the other? Volstad? Volstad? He was there, too. I wasn't very good off him, either.
I think he would pitch the next day after I was all fucked up, and then he was like 6'10". I didn't get any hits off him either.
What's the hardest visuals, whether it be batting or in the outfield in MLB? I'll tell you, the good ones are the ones where they have the flat background that's close to the fence, like Milwaukee, Arizona, Philly. Philly's really good.
The tough ones are the ones like Boston where it kind of goes back or they put fans out there. The old Miami Stadium where it would go back for like a long ways.
I think that's why I didn't play good. I didn't see very good.
But, you know, San Fran's kind of, you know, batter's eye sits way far back. Yeah.

LA is a good place to hit.

Yeah.

It's funny because you don't even think about it.

That matters a lot, I would assume.

Yeah.

A lot.

Being able to see is crucial.

Yeah.

Did they change that rule because of the Cubs?

Not having fans that are just in center field.

Yeah, sometimes. They used to wear white shirts when the opposing team was at the bat and then changed into black shirts brutal some guys it doesn't bother bother me a lot yeah what about um what about just velocity in general for pitchers because we're seeing i think in the all-star game we had this one guy get in from the a's last night he threw a bunch of pitches that were above like 102 miles an hour yeah he's sopped out at 103.6 i believe um definitely it harder.
We've seen a lot of, like the velocity has been increasing a lot in the last couple years. Did you notice in your time span when you started playing to the end that pitchers are getting faster? Oh, big time.
I mean, when I came up, the guys were still throwing like 89 sinker sliders. You know, like there was none of that left by the time I got out of there like my last year when i came off the dl i like put one of those those flaps on my my helmet just as like a mockery to how hard everybody was throwing um but i made the joke the other day it was like you know i played in like the golden era of baseball it's like when it was still pure and like you know what it was for the last 100 years.

And then now it's like everyone's throwing 100 and wearing oven mitts.

It's turned into this totally different phenomenon of the sport.

No one hits for average.

Yeah, you're either striking out or hitting a home run.

Yeah, I don't know.

The game cycles through these things, and the game is still the game.

I did a broadcast the other night for the Nats, um i still love the sport i think it's i think it's great um it's just changed yeah rules have changed does it does it benefit guys like i know kyle hendrix is on the tail end of his career but he was always a guy who was like he wasn't throwing more than you know 91 92 and he was kind of a lot harder though yeah like is so does it benefit guys like that who have something a little different than just throwing a 101 down the middle yeah i mean it can um i don't know so you know that's why you always kind of switch up your your your pitching rotation so it's not the same guy every night right but i don't know velocity was especially these kids now, though, they're used to it. That's all they see.

Yeah.

We didn't ever see that.

And then all of a sudden, one guy would come out of the pen and throw in 100.

You're like, oh, shit, this guy's, you know.

So it's just different.

But it is weird that batting averages have plummeted.

Yeah, it's interesting.

With the velocity.

It's like the thing that makes the game fun to watch is actually statistically not proven over the long run to make for the best batters. So like home runs and strikeouts, not that fun to watch.
People getting on base, the excitement, the drama, that is fun to watch. But the nerds upstairs, they're like, well, if we model this out over the course of a full season, it's not always the best for us.
Yeah. Yeah, the twirly birds.
Twirirly birds yeah baseball's caught in this weird place where it's like do we do we want an entertaining product or do we want to win baseball games i we don't know if this actually proves out to win baseball games over the long run so it's it's kind of frustrating as a fan someone who used to watch a ton of baseball right i agree i feel like we're losing fans yeah yeah by the way i looked it up you You were actually worse against Chris Volstead. I thought so.
Yeah, 3 for 33, and you were 6 for 33 against Hannibal Sanchez. Yeah, equally as awful.
Yeah, and I'm looking at it right now. You were awesome against R.A.
Dickey. You just could hit a knuckleball? Yeah, I hit a homer off Wakefield in Boston when I was with LA in 04 my rookie year.
Yeah. And we played a lot of backyard knuckleball, wiffleball when we were kids.

Yeah.

So I just equate it to kind of going back to that.

But yeah, I killed a R.A. Dickey.

Yeah, you hit 400 against him.

So you just could see it.

And how many home runs?

You had two home runs against R.A. Dickey.

Oh, is that all?

I thought there was more.

But still, I mean, 406.

He would throw me fastballs. Really? Yeah, he got tired of me hitting his mouth.
How intimidating of a pitcher was Dan Heron? And he's a close friend of ours. So feel free to say how great he was.
Dan was nasty. I played with Dan Washington, too, so I got to know him.
He's the best guy. He's like the driest, most sarcastic.
He's the's the best funniest dude yeah you used to have diarrhea every day he'd pitch yeah chug pepto-bismol he said that he would when he was when his last year was with the cubs he was like i contemplated retiring every time the wind was blowing out he kind of he's that's the type of guy he was yeah uh he's uh i remember facing him when he was in arizona you know he was just he looked like he was really mean, and you were kind of like, he's a bulldog out there, and his stuff was really nasty. But then I played with him and realized he's a really nice guy.
Nicest dude ever, yeah. Nicest dude, yeah.
Who were you the best against? I'm looking it up right now. Do you know? The best that was good? Yeah.
I had some good games against Clayton Kershaw. Yeah, you also – I hit lefties great.
You tuned up Tim Hudson. Yeah, to all the Braves guys.
Yeah. D'Lo, hit good off them.
Like, I played good against the Braves and the Mets. Yeah.
I played them a lot. Yeah, you hit .386 against Tim Hudson with four home runs.

Yeah, I remember one time on the bus, Rick Ankele was on my team,

and he was like, hey, Tim Hudson just texted me and told me to tell you to fuck off.

There you go.

It feels good going both ways, Sanchez and then that.

Yeah.

This is a dumb question. Just how sick is it to hit a home run? Oh, it's sick.
It's like, yeah, it's sick. So it's the best.
I mean, you guys hit a ton of them last night. So probably like you were so tired, you probably hated it.
But no, it's especially a big one with the on the road, you know, in a big game when the place is packed. And then like you hit it then you hit it and you can hear a fucking pin drop out of you.
I'm sure when they do the slow clap, then you hit a home run, that's got to be the best feeling in the world. Yeah, and just goes dead silent.
Yeah. And then everybody's like, fuck, and they're all leaving.
Yeah. And that's a pretty good feeling.
Yeah. It also must rock to just know that you don't have to run the bases.
You can just take your time. I like to run the bases, though.
that's part of the the game that we're missing out on right now no one knows how to run the bases yeah you know this whole stealing stolen base rules kind of you know messing up the you know the numbers on the stolen bases and then the guys are making a ton of outs on the bases yeah and it's like a when i would coach my kid that summer i coached my kid I was like, who's teaching you guys? What are you guys? I mean, it's like a when I would coach my kid that summer I coach my kid I was like what who's teaching you guys what are you guys mean it's it's like a lost art yeah really is I agree with today the giant sliding mitt yeah and they got all these skits you know you got kids 12 year old kids wearing wearing the oven mitt like why yeah just wear a bigger mitt get like four extra inches yeah just flop it out there and be like touch second base. I mean, I played a long time.
I never had any problems sliding into bases with my hands. Yeah.
Did you ever have a rivalry against a pitcher that – did you ever charge the mound? No. No, I wouldn't put myself in that situation.
One on six with a guy behind you is not a really – I guess one on five with a guy behind It's not a great place to be. Not good odds.
Because I did see a video, I think it was you and Jose Fernandez, where you stared him down. Yeah, he would hit me a lot.
Yeah, you guys locked eyes, and neither one of you would look away. But then by the time you got to third base, I think things were all good.
He punched me out that game, and then he was like, he was running his mouth at me when I had my head down. And he punched me out, and he stared me down, and I didn't see it.
So the next about, he punched me out that game and then he was like he's running his mouth at me when i had my head down and he punched me out he stared me down and i didn't see it so the next about he hits me and i'm like what the fuck you got you got something to say like i was ready to fight then um but he was just a kid you know i was like 12 years older or something like that yeah so i was just like what why you know i got i got to second base and d gordon was at second base i was like what the fuck's what what's his problem yeah i don't even know him like you know and i knew d when he was a kid i played with his dad flash in philly and he's like i don't know man what'd you what'd you do to him i was like i don't fucking do anything to him and uh i got the third and he was like looking over me he's all smiley you know and i'm like what are you looking at me like that for he's like you were looking at me i was like whatever so i don't know that was uh didn't really have too many issues on the field we got into a lot of fights in the minor leagues yeah um but nothing nothing too bad in the big leagues i was there for the bryce harper uh fight in san fran when he throws his helmet sideways yeah that's always. That's a funny one.
It was interesting because he threw his helmet. It was like 50 cents first pitch.
That's how bad the helmet tossed. Yeah, it's hilarious.
But then his flow was so good after he took his helmet off. I thought he just took his helmet off to show off his hair.
So you had Bryce throwing his helmet sideways with his hair. You had Samarja and Mike Morse coming right in between the two of them, and they literally made out.
Mikey never played again. He had concussion.
Samarja never played again. He ended both of their careers.
And I was coming in there, and I had my hair. It was like the Hair Olympics.
Yeah, that was a good one. It didn't end up being too bad.
We had a little mix-up with the Pirates one time that got a little testy, but for the most part, there's only been a few really bad fights. Yeah, most of them are just...
They just get everyone chest bumps. Yeah.
Oh, you try, you start with... All right, so I have one last question.
This has been awesome. We appreciate you coming on.
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You did something that I wish more professional athletes do and did. It's the coolest thing you can do.
I don't know why more guys don't do it. You retired and then you played like rec league baseball.
One time. And just fucking.
But OK, so even that one time, the bomb you hit get away from the show. God damn awesome.
All right. What? First of all, how sick was that? Because like that's honestly, I don't know why.
Like if you are a professional athlete, can't win us. But especially like with the amount of shit talking that happens on social media these days.
If I were a sick professional athlete, the the minute i retired i would go play intramurals and just kick the shit out of everyone and be like there's levels bro all right so so full disclosure uh a good buddy of mine became a good buddy of mine matt mica was involved in the congressional baseball team shooting in dc when steve scalise got shot uh he was there he got shot twice i went to go see him in the congressional baseball team shooting in D.C. When Steve Scalise got shot, he was there.
He got shot twice. I went to go see him in the hospital after that whole thing, and that's where I met Matt.
He was about dead when I met him, and I was like, hey, man, take care of yourself. He played baseball in college.
I was like, we brought him out to Nats Park, and then the next year he took a little batting practice. But he still – I mean, he got shot in, like, the hands.
So it was weird. So years later, I'm playing with Seattle in the minor leagues my last year.
Pulled my hamstring. And I quit.
I'm just like, I'm done. I retire.
And I come home. And Matt calls me.
He's like, hey, man, I'm getting back on the field next week for the first time. Will you come play with me? And I'm like, fuck all.
Yeah, I mean, I have to. So I'm like, sure.
So I go, and it's just like, you know, it's probably the worst field that I've ever played on. You know, it's just a wrecked field or whatever.
I ground out. First of all, I'm tuned up for like 95 plus.'m just retired right these guys are throwing like 78 yeah so i like ground out the shore uh bugs bunny like one two three strikes you're out you know like swing three times at a ball strike out my second about and then these fucking guys are like mouthing me you're like i don't know who this guy is you know i'm in dc yeah you know like're just like talking shit.
And the guy goes 3-0 on me. And then like the catcher's like whatever.
And it was like one of those times where like the hair stands up on the back of your neck. And I got like fucking mad.
Yeah. And then I hit a ball over the moon.
And I came in, you know, and that was my last trip around the bases ever. Really? Ever.
I'll never play that game ever again. And I totally came in.
I came in i said that's it boys i'm going home and i walked to my car with my full uni on spikes on got in and left so you proved your point though like that was a moment where everyone's like clowning you and you're like no dude i can you don't understand the difference between me and you yeah so that was you know and it goes around social media like quarterly you People will send it to me like are you playing rec league yeah i was like 20 uh that was 2018 so it's been a while why you wouldn't you wouldn't you wouldn't do it for softball i don't think uh just fucking i would not play softball absolutely not i i was if you would have called me and said hey i uh we need you to come in and uh get us home last. Yeah.
I mean, I maybe would have slammed a six-pack on the way over there and came in hot. But it would have to be for a good cause.
I don't think I'd lace them up and go run around the outfield or do anything like that. Yeah.
For a good cause could just be to feel good one day. Yeah.
Just show up to the field. Just to dominate someone.
I'm not there mentally right now. Okay.
Yeah. Well, maybe.
We might need you on a Barstool softball team. Because that's also my dream is just doing a Barstool softball team and then just like one week just showing up with like five ex-MLB guys.
You ever see that episode of The Simpsons? Homer at the Bat? Yeah. They get the entire team of just MLB players.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we're going to do when we face off against Bleacher Report.
We could just buy some horses, too, and go get fired up about it. No, I want to see you hit tanks.
Yeah, I get it. I'll consider it.
Do you have any more horses? Yeah, I got a few. Any good ones that are at the same level as DoorKnot? Yeah, yeah.
So I own this horse named Drip, and Drip was supposed to be the favorite in the Tampa Bay Derby. Tampa Bay Derby is winning.
You're in the Derby. Yeah.
And he scratched that week. But he ran the fifth fastest time of the year on his first race.
And we think he's really talented. He's with Whit Beckman, the trainer.
And his workmate was Honor Marie. And he was outworking Honor Marie by like a length every time.
He was kicking his ass. Wow.
And we joked that Drip made Honor Marie because Honor Marie ran the Derby, ran like eighth, and then ran fourth in the Belmont. Nice horse.
But he's not real big, and Drip towers over. He's a good magic sire, same as Doran.
And I think he'll run. We're kind of pointing him to the big races next year.
next year like I don't know I've got this crazy dream maybe maybe he runs in like the Dubai Cup or the the Saudi Saudi Derby or something or the breeders yeah and then the breeders at the end of the year so um he's really he would be the only other horse that I have that's really good that's right nice trip it's a great name do you have any input into the names of the horses I didn't on that one actually, actually, but I do on some of them. Dornoch is a cool story.

I was actually in Scotland playing Royal Dornoch, the golf course, with Utley.

And I came home the next week.

I came home.

I called the trainer.

I was like, hey, how's that horse doing?

And he's like, oh, really good.

I was like, have you named him yet?

He's like, yeah, Larry named him Dornoch orick or something i'm like like the fucking golf course that's nuts and he's like i think so i was like when i was just there he's like yeah last week so literally while i was playing royal dornick with with chase the guys named the horse dornick unbeknownst to me being there anything like that wow it's meant to was meant to be. Then he runs 10th in the Derby and wins the Belmont.
That's incredible. That's incredible.
Well, Jason, thank you so much. We appreciate it.
It was great having you on. Yeah.
Nat for life. I finally made it.
Yeah. Finally made it.
Yeah. Life complete.
You made it before or after you hit that home run off that random dude in the instrumental Did you pimp it? Did you pimp it? Did not really i the uh my my best my best pimp job ever was off carlos more mall and at nat's park late when he was later in his year because he would always pimp everybody with the cubs we're really good and i got him a three-on-one pimp the fuck out it was my favorite it was my favorite pimp of my career i wasn't i didn't pimp much because it wasn't really that wasn't the thing back then Yeah. No, I mean, the home run against Senators.
I do watch it like once or twice a year just because it's so fucking awesome because you hit it so far. Oh, the rec league one? Yeah.
Yeah, that was a good one. Yeah.
That was a good one. All right, thanks so much, Jason.
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And now here's Xander Shoffley. And now for something completely different.
Okay, we now welcome on recurring guest, friend of the program, now two-time major winner. It is the Open champion Xander Shoffley.
Xander, first of all, congrats. I mean, it's nuts that we're at two now, just like that.
Got some questions about winning it, but I wanted to start real quick. We watched, obviously, the entire Open Championship.

We're bad golfers.

We're regular golf fans.

Just how hard was that course, especially with the wind, like in regular golfer terms?

Like how bad would we be on that course?

Really bad.

That's what I thought.

Yeah, because it seemed miserable at times.

Saturday was really bad, you know, with a little bit of wind and rain, it would have been a good day to watch golf on TV, no doubt. Yeah.
Yeah. It's much more fun, I would imagine, seeing it on TV than being even a spectator at that golf tournament because you're dealing with the rain, the wind, the elements.
The patrons of Royal Troon have a hard time, just like the golfers. Congratulations, like Big Cat said.
Very happy for you. Got to know, your dad said he was going to drink wine out of the Claret Jug.
Did you get to drink something out of the Jug before he did, or did he just take it from you? He was like, let's fill this up with a Malbec. Red wine was the first thing poured into it.
Yeah, and he immediately – I had to go do media after the the ceremony on the green and as soon as we got in the car he basically took the trophy off me uh and then they're like you know you should probably give it back to your kid for the rest of media yeah yeah I mean but I mean it was his first major because he obviously wasn't there for when you won your first. That's right.
So, like, what was it like having him there? First of all, when we saw him, you didn't do him justice. He's a hoss, and I mean that in the best way possible.
Like, an intimidating guy, had the hat on, was drinking out of a flask. But what was it like after the round and just, like, getting to actually celebrate it with him for the first time? It was awesome.
You know, when I called him after Valhalla, how he looked on TV was exactly how he sounded on the phone after Valhalla. So if you want to just put those two together, he is an ugly crier, no doubt.
And it was awesome, though. You know, I had my whole family there.
You know, my uncle's my agent, my wife was there, just the people that I've been with me for, for such a long time. And, you know, my dad is European and this is, he is an American citizen now, but you know, this is like the one he really wanted.
And, you know, I'm, I'm not picky, but for me to deliver this one to him in person is probably the coolest thing and I don't know if I can top that you know the gold medal was up there but this is you know right there with it yeah I mean it was it was it was an awesome uh Sunday to watch you were so locked in did you at what hole uh maybe it was in the back nine maybe it was in the front nine but I feel like it was the back nine but. But what hole were you like, I'm here.
I'm locked in. I'm winning this thing.
After I birdied 14, I was able to – there was a huge board on 15. And 15 is such a hard hole.
But it was, you know, like crazy left to right. And I was like, you can – I've hit that fairway every day.
And I was like, you just got to hit this fairway one more time, kid. I was like, just hit the fairway and you're going to have like a wedge or 9-iron or 8-iron in.
And then after I hit that fairway, you. And I was like, you just got to hit this very one more time, kid.
I was like, just hit the fairway and you're going to have like a wedge or nine iron or eight iron in. And after I hit that fairway, get, you know, like a little fist pump inside because I was like, okay, we're, we're dancing.
Like this is, you know, this is my tournament to lose. Like I only, I can mess this one up.
So a little bit of added pressure in that moment, but I felt like I really took control after I birdied a 14 yeah yeah was did the did the thought of like a vandevelde even enter your mind at any point because i feel like if i was if i was winning at the open championship i wouldn't be able to stop myself from thinking about it i'd just be like keep your shoes on that's incredible uh luckily there were no burns ripping through the rest of the property. So I took a really deep breath after I hit the 17th green.
It's a very difficult hole. After I hit that green, I took a huge, huge breath because I knew I had at least a two-shot lead.
I was expecting guys to birdie 16 behind me, but I knew that I was in a really good spot. and 18 is iron, iron you know I hit three iron eight iron you know so it wasn't it's not to have a two or three shot lead going into 18 is a very nice thing to have because yeah it is you know not the most intimidating tee shot with an iron yeah somewhat idiot proof at that point I feel like in the open the uh the caddies do a lot of great work for the golfers maybe more so than some other tournaments, because you have to know as you're approaching each green, like you have to hit, you have to land some of your shots 10 yards, 15 yards short of the green.
Are they giving you specific spots? And like how much time did your caddy spend studying all the hills and all the slopes that are right at the front of that green? Yeah. So, you know, Austin's my boy.
He's been me since you know my dad caddied me caddied for me for a few events and he got can uh but kai's kai's has been with me for ever since i've been playing and corn fairy uh up up through the tour and he he's incredible uh he he does a really good job and i definitely feel like he gives me that sort of edge or advantage that you were talking about on properties that you know aren't super known on tour um you know whenever we play u.s opens or opens or pga so there's these big championship style golf courses where more information the better especially if you haven't played it much and you know kai's kai's he's good for walking you know i mean he has that little uh apple watch or whatever and you know i i think last year at the Open, he logged like 30,000 steps one day. So the dude is just out there walking, trying to, like you said, figure out every little mogul, every little bounce, where it can go, can't go, all those types of things.
And he's funny. On 14, it was a really big moment because I was kind of like, I might hit five iron.
And he was's a six iron and i was like okay it's a six iron i was like this is aggressive he's like just hit it between the bunkers i don't know if you guys remember that part yeah yeah two coffins like the flagstick and then two coffins in the green and he's like just hit it between the bunkers and of course i was so locked in i hit it in between the bunkers like a really good iron shot in there like whatever 12 feet and i remember after i hit the shot i looked at him I was I hit it in between the bunkers, like a really good iron shot in there, whatever, 12 feet. And I remember after I hit the shot, I looked at it and I was like, just hit it in between the bunkers.
Like, is that – Yeah. Good advice.
Yeah. Good advice.
Just hit it – just hole out. Just hit it at the bunkers.
Yeah. Just hit a good shot.
That's all you got to do. All right.
So I'm fascinated. Obviously, golf is so much mental.
And this year has been incredible for you with two majors.

And you were going into this year, one of the guys that was like,

hey, can he win the big one? Because he's been so good, but he hasn't won a major.

So after you win the first one, you're winning the second one.

Was it easier mentally? Did you feel like, hey, I've been here. I know it.
The pressure isn't the same as it was during the first one.

And does it feel kind of like the top is off now, like the sky's the limit? Yeah. I mean, the expectations are going to have to get reeled in here.
I don't think I would have won this one if my head was through the roof for too long. But that's going to be something I need to work on just to set the bar right and then keep moving along like we've always been moving along.
But, yeah, I mean, totally different feelings for both. I was significantly more nervous at the PGA, just the back and forth holes playing a little bit easier.
The style of golf was so different. And then, you know, everyone was so bunched up.
Not that people weren't bunched up at this one, but the back nine at this Troon golf course is so freaking hard. And if you hit good shots and you make birdies on these holes where no one else is making birdies, you will gain an advantage.
And so to me, you know, I wouldn't have been as calm at Troon if it wasn't for Valhalla, but I was way more nervous at Valhalla than I was at Troon. So it's kind of funny how the two kind of paired up and how different they were.
Yeah. All right.

So I got a tip for you because if we're trying to stay humble,

not go through the roof, have you thought about maybe changing the golf shoes?

No offense to your golf shoes, but the all-black shoes are tough

because you kind of look like a server.

Like you look like you're going to pass me some like bacon-wrapped scallops.

So maybe that's – maybe we've got to work on that part of our game that's the next step that's humbling yeah you know when they look like shit dude they look like shit come on i got i got nothing for you you know this is my shoe sponsor they wanted me to wear contrasting contrasting you know colors yeah go white and then black stripes that's easy okay you know i can do that for you you know what i mean yeah i just i figured you know i was sitting there and uh you know i was spending such a long time getting ready before i went to the course yeah yeah you look slow yeah yeah right you might ask my golfers to look like adidas makes great shoes i don't give a shit what i look like well all right see that. See, that's a problem.
You're through the roof. We've got to humble you.
I don't have to look at me when I'm playing. Okay.
Well, I'm just – I'm telling you. I do have to look at my shoes.
Yes. But if you – I do feel good.
So as long as I feel good and then, you know, the shoes are the shoes. I wore those black shoes at the freaking PGA and won with them.
Yeah, had the same complaint. I'm just saying, if we're trying to work on our game, if we're trying to find different ways to get better, PFT said it, like, white shoes look faster.
I think maybe go, you know, white with maybe blue stripes because Adidas makes great shoes, great sponsor. But we're just trying to get you better.
You know what? Let me show you something. Better faster are two things i'll definitely take so yeah maybe i mean let me show you something see these these are black adidas shoes i like them i can't see them i don't hang on hang on hold on he's gonna get him he's flexible wait yep uh i okay i am not an athlete i look slow as fuck and shorts and they make you look they make you look short i'm

actually six feet tall but when i wear these everyone's like oh pft's five eight yeah don't be uh don't be afraid to you know let your body hit the sun every once in a while either you know okay yeah i'll check that out listen i'm not good see we can take it back you know better podcasting i'm really tan and i've been podcasting my balls off there you go so um So who is the fastest golfer on tour? You guys ever race? Not me. The fastest would probably be, oh gosh, who hits really fast? There's a few guys.
I mean, I can't think of anyone right now, to be honest. But there's a few guys who just, I mean, Dustin was, he would hit so fast.
Matt Jones, both two guys that went to live are like the fastest guys I've ever played with. There's a few, i'm trying to think of the guys that are unbelievably fast on our tour now i'm not talking about about club head speed or ball speed i mean like fast like because you look slow yeah fastest runner we play golf for a living dude we're like camels yeah we're just supposed to just flop around until we get to the finish line yeah we're not running out there yeah ricky's fast he It looks like his legs can move pretty quickly.
Yeah. I think so.
You know, my caddy's a little top-heavy, but he's pretty quick. He's got some quick legs.
That's a good way to say it, top-heavy. Top-heavy.
I start calling myself top-heavy. Did you have a talk with Scotty after? I know you're friends with him being like – because, listen, we didn't put an asterisk on your PGA championship, but some people did because scotty got arrested so were you like hey asterisk off i did it and you didn't even get arrested this time yeah actually thanks for reminding me i was i was meant to send a bottle of wine to that police officer i feel good it's it for and now the asterisk is off of pga championship because if you had only won that one, we would have been like, yeah.
Despite my slowness.

Yes.

Yeah. And now the asterisk is off of PGA Championship because if you had only won that one, we would have been like, yeah.
Despite my slowness. Yes.
Yep. And bad style.
Lack of speed. Yep.
Lack of speed. I'm legit now.
Yes. Yes.
You got the stamp of approval. You actually can golf.
You're a good golfer. Yeah, I feel good.
This has been really helpful for me, guys. Thank you.
One can be a fluke. Anyone can win a major.
I could win a major if I just played the best golf of my life. Yeah, especially when Scotty gets arrested.
I could have won that. This was actually harder for you to beat Scotty because he was naturally driving on the wrong side of the road over there.
So he probably felt very comfortable in Scotty. Yeah.
So I want to ask you about your good friend Patrick Cantlay. do you guys just know going into every tournament, at some point you'll be right next to each other on the leaderboard? It's always going to say at some point, Shoffley, Cantlay, and then everyone's going to be like, okay.
I used to think you were the same guy. Well, he's white.
I'm tan. I mean, he could be whiter than you, to be honest.
There's a chance. Unlikely.
But, yeah, you guys just always kind kind of find your way together yeah well this is actually the first time we were paired together with tiger thursday friday in quite some time and then we were paired together saturday and like two or three days in a row we wore matching sweaters which was not intentional we got to the practice practice green we're like god damn i was like god I mean, why not? We'll just shine together. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, we'll work on the fashion part.
All right. So I had one.
I'll get you guys next time I'm going out to make sure I'm dialed. Yeah, we'll get you right.
I had one last question. Rowback question.
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Great polos for the golf. So you're now about to play in the Olympics, right? Yep.
So what is Olympic golf compared to playing in the majors? What's the pressure like? Is it wildly different? How do you approach Olympic golf? It's pretty different. I mean, you're essentially on a team, kind of, but it's the same.

I mean, I approach it the same way, to be honest.

It's a 72-hole stroke play.

Yeah.

And there's 60 guys, and everyone's playing under the country,

and everyone wants to win.

I think the emphasis on second and third is a lot more than a normal tournament.

You podium versus if you don't do well and you come in second or third or if you're doing well and then you fail at the end you feel like a you know one of those and i think you know in the olympics everyone's fighting to finish in the top three more so than any tournament i'd say yeah have you thought about getting the olympic rings tattoo on you? That's what all Olympians do. Yeah, maybe I'll just do them in all black.
Just look extra slow. Listen, I feel like you might not like that we came at your shoes, but again, I think that you're going to have a lot of people walking around being like, Xander, you're the best.
Xander, oh my my God, two majors, golfer of the year. Just remember, whenever you want to get humbled, you come back here, and we'll find something to nitpick you.
I don't think you guys have ever had a conversation with my dad, so he can humble you pretty quickly. Yeah, let's do it.
Let's have a humble off. I'd love to have him on.
It's really important to have haters. I'm going to think now that you guys are – I'm going to draw you two up as haters right now.
Yeah. You know what? Bolton Board.
We like you so much that I'll gladly have you hate us. Yeah.
Just because I want to see you succeed. I don't really hate anyone, to be honest.
I'm not really – I'm from San Diego. We're all just go with the chill vibes.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Lock yeah right or whatever color shoe you want to wear it's not a big deal yeah all right we got to get you to hate us we got to we got to just bolt and board i can do this i i i'm very confident in my ability to piss you off from the hit yeah i'll let you start hating you guys or not i had one last question for you what is the shawfly way? Is that something my dad said? It probably is.

It's your training, especially your Olympic training. What did he say? I don't even know.

So I've got, I've got a note here. I'll read you what the note says, because this is what,

this is what the tour is sending out about you. It says that you have learned discipline from

your father and his Olympic training. They call it the Shoffley way.
That's what he calls it. you know,

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That's what he calls it.

You know, it's probably, you know, it's kind of got like some kind of weird ring to it,

I guess, but, or maybe the tour coined it that.

I'm not really sure, but the Shoffley way is just, my dad's half French, half German. So growing up, it was, you know, my mom is Taiwanese, grew up in Japan.

So, you know, we have the axis, you know what I mean?

I'm the allies. My parents are the axis, but, you know, my mom is Taiwanese, grew up in Japan.
So, you know, we have the axis, you know what I mean? I'm the allies. My parents are the axis.
You know, we're on that side of the world. And discipline is something that I grew up with.
So hard work and, you know, I always watch my parents. They're super disciplined.
They're super hardworking. And maybe that's the shot of the way.
I'm not really sure. But it has to be something along those lines of, you know, how they were sort of raised and their, you know, countries.
Yeah. It's like it's all tattooed in there.
I like the Shoffley way. I feel like your dad's sitting there watching you win majors, and he's like, that's the Shoffley way.
And in your head, you're like, I don't even know what the fuck he's talking about. This is the Shoffley way.
I love that. Yeah, look slower than you are.
That way you'll surprise people. Yeah.
Shoffley way. Shoffley way.
Sneaky fast. Yeah, deceptively quick.
Yeah, you are deceptively quick. You are slower than people think.
Hmm. I like that.
To be fair, though, maybe I'll just keep wearing the black and white shoes because I am a slow learner. Yeah.
to win two majors you know i'm saying so but the lid's off now now they're off actually i did have one last thing so when you win this time it's a little bit different because you had to wait it wasn't like you know you you make your putt tournament over your major champion did you feel like you had to kind of tamper down your celebration because you had to wait for other people behind you to finish? Yeah. I mean, you just never know when it's over.
And, you know, the last board I saw was on 15. So, but the way everyone was kind of behaving and I was like, you know, I, when I got up, I saw that I had a three shot lead, uh, when I was on the last hole and it was like, you know, it was weird.
I was walking with Austin. I was just, I was trying to take it all in.
Cause that, that walk up 18 with the yellow leaderboards, you know, that is like, if you're a golfer, that's, that's the sickest thing ever. You know, you get, I got chills when I was walking up to the green cause I was like this, the standing of everyone stands up and you take your hat off, you wait, you, you know, you're appreciative of everything.
And I'm sitting there walking with one of my best buds. And it was like, this is pretty freaking cool.
Like, this is sick. And then I was like, Oh, shit, I still have to putt like I can't yam this 18 foot or, you know, four feet by mess this up.
So I quickly kind of locked back in. And like you said, I didn't want to let my mind wander too much.
I was just, you know, it's done when it's done. And you know, I'm a big believer in that.
So yeah, maybe I, you know, I didn't really, really feel the need to celebrate or anything. Cause I wasn't sure if I was going to win, you know, someone could make a hole in one on 17 and hole or hole out on 18 or something like that.
So I just, I mean, how much of an ass would I look like if I was sitting there just like, you know, over the top celebrating and then just get absolutely shafted in the end. But yeah, it is what it is.
So the big moment of celebration comes when they take that last stroke

where it's like, okay, they mathematically can't win now.

Exactly.

And then you let yourself go.

Yeah.

Once, you know, I think they had to hole out from the fairway on 18.

And, you know, after they didn't hole out,

it's statistically or mathematically impossible to tie.

And then it was over.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, Xander, thank you so much. Have you uh maybe you're just never gonna lose a major again what happened to this whole humble thing that we're just saying i just got started thinking like because that's how i think about everything like whenever i whenever i play anything i'm like what if i just like if i'm playing beer pong i'm like what if i just never miss like have you thought about that maybe maybe you just will never lose it you've already lost your last major that's crazy yeah that's crazy u.s open was the last major you'll ever lose whoa what if you just retired right now that that would be the hottest take on pmt ever right there yeah yeah xander shoffley has lost his last major ever OhT ever.
Yeah. Yeah.
Xander Shoffley has lost his last major ever. Oh my gosh.
Yeah. Not my words here.
We're going to bet you accordingly. Yeah.
So we will let you know if you do not live up to. I'm going to see if I can parlay all four.
This is what's great about the media. It's like we spend years saying like, I don't know if Xander's ever going to win a big one.
Then you win too. Who's your guy now? We, we, we talked about, we don't need to find that.
We don't have to talk about our guy or who might be our guy, Max. But after he's a good friend, after we spend all these years saying like, you can't win a big one.
Now, every time you don't win a major, we're going to be like, what a disappointment from this guy. Yeah.
Like he's off. He's overrated.
You swing to overrated so quickly these days.

Absolutely disgusting.

He needs to change his shoes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, we did.

I feel like we did a good job.

We broke you down.

We built you back up the Shoffley way.

That's good.

All in 20 minutes.

I'm still refreshed.

I'm ready to go.

Yes.

All right.

Thanks so much, Xander.

We appreciate it.

We'll talk to you after you win the Masters.

Oh, yeah.

And the gold medal.

And the gold medal.

Yeah.

Okay. Got it.
Everything. Okay.
All right. See you, man.
See you, man. See you, man.
See you, man. See you, man.
See you, man.. We appreciate it.
We'll talk to you after you win the Masters. And the gold medal.
And the gold medal, yeah. Okay, got it.
Everything. Alright, see you, man.
Congrats. Welcome back to another Fyre Fest of the Week, brought to you by our friends at Morgan & Morgan.
You know what really sucks? Not being around for Fyre Fest of the Week. Maybe our favorite segment of the week.
Yep. And not being here is a real bummer for everybody involved.
But you know what doesn't suck calling morgan and morgan they can help you get what you deserve well they can't help your presence at work your attitude at work your haircut what they can do is they can fight to get you full and fair compensation when you get injured their fee is free unless they win for more information go to for the people.com slash pmt or dial pound law, pound 529 from your cell phone. Okay, Fire Fest of the week.
Hank is not here. That's my Fire Fest.
No, I have a real Fire Fest, but I miss Hank. I kind of miss Hank.
Yeah, just whatever his face would be right now. I miss the idea of Hank.
Yeah. I miss just having somebody that I can get angry at.
Hugh, you want to start? Sure. Because Hank's not here? Alright give us your fire fest So my fire fest is coaching Softball Particularly me Yeah I heard you were a really bad coach Yeah I was a bad coach The report I got was you guys They asked Huey to coach because Pug has off the team.

Yeah, he needed some time off. Because he resigned.

He might be back in a remote role.

You signed up for softball on nights that you have to work.

I know.

I don't.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So anyway, what I heard, and I would like to hear Huey's side,

was Huey was made the coach,

and all he did was chirp

and be an asshole to his own team. Okay.
Hand up. That was wrong.
Wrong of me. Wrong of me to do everything I've done.
I can make excuses, but none of them would surmount to anything excusable. But here I go.
I wasn't aware of what they were expecting of me. I didn't know, you know, I had to keep track of the outs and the score.
Those are two big ones that I was not aware of. I probably should have asked more questions before I accepted the job.
I think that's fair to say. And I just, you know, I then we went off against another team.
They had uniforms and they had drills in between each inning. And they had pregame drills.
They at least had pregame drills. You're not a baseball guy.
Like throwing it around the the diamond is not a drill like was the third baseman was the first baseman throwing grounders to the short stop in third base and then they were throwing it back to him yeah that sounds like it was it's not really a true max what was this warming up in between what did pug do when he was he was the coach did he have you guys doing drills no pug didn't have us doing drills. He made the lineup every day with a nice little graphic.
He would do a little pregame speech. He would keep track of the stats, and then he would do a postgame speech after the game.
That was basically all he did. He was a great vibes guy.
Everyone turned to Pug when we needed something. And then, to Hull's huey sorry um three hours before the game somebody sent the text being like pug send the lineup and then i i texted knowing pug wasn't going and said the bugs may be dead and then he we got elevated to manager three hours before the game.
Sounds interim manager maybe yeah yeah yeah so and he was a dick big dick slight slight dick slight dick well i'm gonna take your side a little bit because it seems like this might be a millennials problem and a gen z problem that they can't take hard coaching i i just i didn't i wasn't told everything if i knew how to keep track of stuff i would have been on my game more. I also had three beers, the perfect amount, but not for me.
And it was the night that the episode dropped, the first episode. I was a little anxious.
That's fair. I was like, all right, and then going to have some fun with the boys, and all of a sudden we're playing a team that had matching uniforms and drills, and it was alarming.
And I got caught off guard, and I didn't keep track of what I should have been keeping track of, and then I got frustrated, and I let it out on everyone. And it's not fair to them.
If you drink three beers, don't keep track of anything during the game, and then just yell at your teammates, I mean, Tony La Russa has made a great career out of that. But did you notice what he said there when he said three beers? He said three beers, perfect amount, not for me.
Yeah. Yeah.
So you overdid it? I should have known my own limits. Were you over served by yourself? It's the perfect amount for someone else, but not for the person actually drinking them.
Yeah. Yeah.
Live and learn. And I'll learn from that.
Okay. I don't think I'll ever have a coaching opportunity again in my life.
You're not in an injured tonight? No. They shouldn't let me even allow it near the stadium.
Okay, so, yeah, they do play in a stadium. He's not coaching tonight, Max? I don't make those decisions.
That's Pug. Pug has been reinstated as remote coach.
Oh, okay. So that's how bad he was.
You'd rather have a coach who doesn't show up than huey we're also our team name is the pugs like we need i think that's more of the case is like you can't you can't fill pug shoes when you have a dog and your dog passes away you don't get another dog immediately and then expect it to be just like the other dog you gotta wait a little bit of time i was a shelter dog yeah last my last owner beat me yeah who i don't want to talk about okay let's go the analogy all right well you'll get better maybe you get another shot yeah there's a friday basketball game maybe i get i get a coaching job there you know there's no coaching in that okay well you'll play in it yeah so maybe it'll it'll help the camaraderie you know somebody might let me we could use a coach. Yeah, I guess we could.
I just heard from Hank that he was like, yeah, Huey showed up to the game, we made him coach, and he just talked shit the entire time. Nobody knew who he was in the air.
Who was this intern who was just talking shit when I pop up right now? You should have gotten kicked out. You should have just gave the umpire peace of mind.
He was much bigger than me. And there was no way in how I was going to challenge that man to anything.
Hug energy. All right, PFT, your fire fest.
My fire fest of the week is that I'm going on the road for a little bit. So we are going to grit week starting not next week, but the week after.
Yeah, 10 days. So 10 days.
but i'm doing i i think i'm doing seven cities in 14 days holy shit because i got a wedding then i'm going to austin for a little bit then i'm going to columbus for pup punk then i'm going to nashville for pup punk then i'm going straight from nashville to grit week and our cities that we're going to go to grit week so the challenge i've put myself in is uh i delayed packing and i'm leaving tomorrow and i've got about a two week long trip that i have yet to pack for and i've only got my tiny little red suitcase do laundry i can do laundry on the road but it's also in like seven different cities yeah packing for all that and a concert that i have to bring my guitar with me for you're gonna lose at least three things i'm i know myself and there will be one item i will just completely forget to pack entirely meaning like i might not pack socks yeah i might forget entirely to pack underwear yeah there will be i might not pack shirts i've gone on a trip recently where i just didn't pack any shirts maybe you should just not pack and just buy stuff in every city and live off the land live off the land i could do that what would i what would i get done it for grit week i might do that for grit week this year yeah all new fits yeah that actually would be fire yeah i'll do it with you land at grit week and we go we've done it before yeah goodwill i i kind of like this i do all new fits exact you and I have the exact same firefest even though I don't have a firefest today it's the I haven't packed a single thing and I'm going you're going to Europe I'm going to Europe tomorrow and I'm going straight from Europe to grit week I'm not yeah all new fits so let's get new fits the second we we arrive because I'll get there I'll get your first fit so when you show up like I'll go to like a pack sun or something yeah and we'll get us fits do whatever you want yeah actually we'll switch off days i'll go day one you go day two i like back and forth makeover maybe maybe actually yeah everyone gets a day okay so i'll start i'll start on the sunday i'll get the whole boys a fit and and then we'll go, yeah, we'll just do fits

every single day.

I like that part of my makeover.

Yeah.

Sounds like a video.

PFT, you can do Monday, and then, yeah, Max can be up.

Hank can be up.

Huey, maybe we'll do...

I don't know if that was...

I'm so glad that Huey's around because there's probably only one guy in this room that has

a worse sense of style than I do. Yeah.
Although the coat was coat was great that was on my dad yeah um yeah okay that's great okay so that's how you turn a fire fest into a fire fire yeah i love that now i'm excited about yes i love that all right my fire fest um it's a simple one um i gotta pull up the text uh My wife said to me, texted me, she was like, our daughter said, poo is a bad word. And I was like, and my wife said back to her, like, it's not a bad word.
It's a potty word. Yeah.
And she told me that like she had said that. And I was like, oh, that's probably because I do swear around the kids.
Like I'm bad that. I talk how I talk.
And I was like, she probably just thinks it's a bad word. She's not actually talking about actual poop.
And then when my wife tried to correct her, my daughter said, no, I'm talking about poops, the things daddy does for a really long time. That's good.
So she was definitely talking about poops. And it's just like, yeah, she's like the thing daddy goes and does for a really long time.'s good so she was definitely talking about poops and it's just like yeah she's like the thing daddy goes and does for a really long time i've always i've wondered that about uh people that have like three kids how do you shit it i don't because you go shit then there's only one parent and then there's three kids yeah and they don't respect any type of like i'll do the shower i'll turn on the shower and hope that like they know showers on they'll still walk in yeah yeah parents just don't have time to shit no it's bad but she's just it's i actually kind of feel like this is like my first like i'm feel like a masculine dad because i feel like that's a very big dad move for all the kids in the house to be like yeah dad goes and takes long shits yeah you should do that in front of your son so then your son's like my dad has bigger poops than your dad yeah you can get one up on that guy.
Yeah. Oh, that would be big.
But that is like a real sense of like being a man. Yeah.
Being like, I'm going to the shitter. I'll be back in three hours.
I mean, taking a shit is one of life's little pleasures where you get some time to think, scroll whatever website you're scrolling, maybe play a game while you're on there. Hang out.
No. Yeah.
It's like that's what guys do for meditation. Yeah.
We just go take a shit. Yeah.
I actually kind of want to put a couch in my bathroom. That'd be nice.
Yeah. Just lay down for a little bit.
TV. Appreciate.
Appreciate. A bed.
It wouldn't be bad. Get a bed in there.
A kitchen. A kitchen would be nice.
An air fryer in the bathroom. Yeah yeah have it all there in the bathroom that would be nice yeah my bathroom's a mess too it's just like i don't know how do you guys have the just there's like splotches on the on the mirror all the time i think it's just because i wash my face when you wipe it off yeah when you wipe the mirror off yeah it's a problem yeah and mirrors never get clean no no it's a big time problem uh okay let's uh finish off the show numbers 28 56 max and i are dancing yeah one one time it's gonna happen three 77 shane's in here shane we talked about uh Harbaugh's Here, put on the headphones To Shane Give the headphones to Shane Shane, we talked about We talked about Jim Harbaugh's quote Yep And I saw the new facility It looks awesome The bolt Yeah It looks awesome It looks incredible Yep Yeah your number? Uh, 21 Pug?

99 Pug

What was

What were your numbers

Huey and PFT?

8

77

I know your number memes

You've never gotten it

90

90

It sucks

Love you guys

Thank you. 90 90

Love you guys