David Wells, Chill Week From Tahoe + Mt Rushmore Of Worse Situations To Dump

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We have an awesome interview with David Wells coming. We interviewed him this morning.
It was great. We're going to talk about chill week.
We've got hot seat, cool throne. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of worst places to have to shit or situations to shit or situations you find yourself in that you have to take a poop like gwyneth paltrow's house if yeah diarrhea diarrhea yes that is true uh and then we're gonna do partner take great show it is chill week we're also gonna explain chill weeks i did a bad job of that didn't never we never really told anyone what we were actually doing i was actually remarkably chill of you that was chilling and it was unchill of of a listener who complained well it wasn't a complaint it was shout out fsu brando he was like hey what actually is chill week and i was like good point never fucking said it it's a fair point but also if if you're chill then you know yeah that's true uh when your home system or appliance breaks down American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age.

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Okay, let's go.

Boy!

Boy!

Now in the street there is violence. We'll be right back.
on the sun oh no we're gonna rock down to electric iron new and then we'll take it higher oh we're gonna rock down to electric it's part of my take presented by martial sports welcome to part of my take there's making a sandwich and then there's crafting a sandwich and when i want something perfectly crafted crafted, I go straight to Boar's Head. For over a century, Boar's Head has been dedicated to crafting premium deli favorites.
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Discover the craftsmanship behind every bite at boarshead.com. And welcome to chill week.
I notice, what's up with your guys' hats? hats is that not chill might want to turn it around if you want to be chill colin coward would hate this week i don't know i don't come on we can't have three back come on go do it yeah what if i just that's chill yeah look at hank cracking open of course like all right so we're in tahoe we did a terrible job of explaining Chill Week. There's probably some AWLs who are like, does this mean Grit Week's gone? No.
Grit Week is still coming first week of August. This is Chill Week, an idea that we've been tossing around for a few years in that we see this golf tournament that happens in Tahoe every single year.
It's, uh, seems awesome.

American century championship.

And we're like,

we should go out there and chill and interview some people.

And finally this year we got our ducks in a row and we're like,

Hey, let's go do it.

So we're out here.

Shout out to people from American century,

uh,

championship.

They were accommodating.

They have been accommodating. They're letting us do interviews at the clubhouse this week.
And we're in Tahoe. And videos.
And videos. We're in Tahoe.
We're chilling. We went wakeboarding.
Video will come out. We went frisbee golfing.
Video will come out. Really good at both.
Yeah. And we're just having a chill week.
It is very chill. I like it out here.
It's a very chill town. Lake Tahoe is great.
Amazing. Hank is in love with it.
It's one of the premier destination spots for vacations, as told by Hank Lockwood. It's a good place to get a bunch of interviews, too, because there's a bunch of really big-name players out here.
And the good thing is I think people are more ready to talk to you when they get off the golf course. They're, like to go oh i mean david wells was incredible today he had stories for days but yeah it's uh i mean yeah we're working a lot during chill week but we love our job like i had i had a moment coming back from frisbee golf today was like today rocked we just hung out with the boys all day this is our went on a boat did an interview played some frisbee golf vibes were high this were high.
This is our phase me. Yeah.
That's right. We're getting ready for camp.
We're just chilling out. Yeah.
Hank did say that like two hours into today. He was like, yeah, I think I like Lake Tahoe.
It's like, oh, no shit, dude. Yeah.
It's where everyone goes in vacations. It's a beautiful, beautiful place.
It's really good. Is there like a bigger discrepancy in terms of swank level for an airport that you have to fly into? Like a city that you have to fly into to get to the destination that you end up at? Because you have to fly into Reno to get here.
And I wouldn't say that Reno... Reno is a fun town, but it's also like if you're laying low, if you're ducking some charges, Reno is a pretty good spot to go.
Reno 911. Yes, but you have to fly in there to get to Lake Tahoe, so you get a taste of grit when you land, and then the destination's really chill.
Yeah. Probably the biggest discrepancy in terms of cities with that.
And we're just chilling. I mean, we have a couple more days here, but if it's anything like today, sign me up for more.
I think that actually the boys behind the camera have a much chiller week than we do, because they're in Margaritaville. Oh, yeah, that's true.
That's the chillest place. I'm a little upset I'm not in Margaritaville this week.
They are. They are also.
They just shoot video while we were way forwarding and playing. Yeah, and they also were going to finish this podcast, and they're going to work all night, and then we have an interview at 8 a.m.
But, yeah, they're chilling.

But Margaritaville.

If I could trade places with them, I would.

You know what?

If I knew how to edit, I would edit for you guys today.

That's how chill I am.

That is.

Hey, so we should talk about whatever's going on in the sports world.

You know what's not chill?

Mike Gundy.

Mike Gundy had –

Mike Gundy, he double-dipped into it today.

Yeah, so the story is Ollie Gordon Gordon the incredible running back for Oklahoma State got a DUI what is it like a month ago or so Mike Gundy was big sorry I was about to say oh it was big 12 still I got confused big 12 media day Mike Gundy said I looked it up on my phone talking about Ollie Gordon's DUI I looked it up on my phone what would be the legal limit two or three beers or four i'm not justifying what ollie did i'm telling you uh what decision i made well i thought i've probably done that a thousand times in my life yeah he said that he has been over the legal limit of uh driving over a thousand times in his life you know how old he is? This made me feel old because when I think of Mike Gundy, I still remember the I'm a man. I'm 40.
Mike Gundy's 56 now. Yeah.
So I did the math. So that's 35 years, right? That means that.
Oh, wait. 35 years.
Since you're 21. Okay.
Well. 38 years.
He's claimed to have over a thousand DUIs. Right.
So he probably wasn't following the laws the this would be like 32 times a year is what we're looking at Mike Gundy driving drunk 32 times a year wouldn't I mean it wouldn't shock me I was trying to figure out what exactly his point was and it like he could have just said hey and and you know DUIs are not a laughing matter it's like hey he made made a mistake. He knows he fucked up.
We're going to figure out a way to learn from this. Instead, he was just like, yeah, dude, he had four beers.
I do that all the time. Yeah, Mike Gundy was like, I think that the police need to quit being pussies.
Like, come on. It was a .10.
So, yeah, he said he broke it down by weight to see how many beers that he had. And then my favorite of this was he said if there's any punishment I'm probably going to just give him the ball 50 times in the first game yeah right that'll show him I'm going to give him extra carries yeah I don't I mean Mike Gundy I guess I guess he's keeping the big 12 like I didn't wouldn't have known big 12 media day was happening today if it weren't for Mike Gundy so credit to you for the big 12 being in relevant today I don't think for the right reasons the commissioner also said he's not going to rest until the big 12 is the best conference in the country oh good luck he's just never gonna sleep he's never gonna sleep well they've had some good they've had some good runs but they losing Oklahoma and Texas does not help yeah best in the country yeah I think the new big 12 is going to be very very going to be fun for sure.
Yeah. And I'm also very excited because no one ever talks about, you know, all the college realignment is always football-centric, which I get because that's the main motivator.
But, like, Arizona and Kansas playing Big 12 basketball is going to rule. That is going to be good to watch.
Those kind of things that you think about and, like, BYU and UCF getting'm getting a nice rivalry going I need some I need some reminders of who's joining the ACC this year uh Stanford and Cal that's right yeah SMU and I think I got all of them I think I got all of them yeah that's gonna rock it is crazy looking at all like when they updated all the rank or not rankings but like if you go on espn.com and you look for your conference like i did that for the big 10 and just seeing 18 teams is like holy fucking shit yeah it's gonna be wild stanford and duke that's gonna be good rivalry yeah all right so this is so let's see the acc how many teams will 17 total teams teams. So I must have missed some.

I got to find a list of all these.

We should just do this as a quick recap.

17 teams.

That's insane.

Yeah, I think – yeah, Stanford, Cal, SMU.

And then Big 12 is – if we went down the list real quick,

I know UCF, BYU, Arizona – Arizona State state i forget who else joined the big 12 utah yeah i think so there's a lot of teams uh so yeah mike gundy way to go dude yeah do you i no big deal no thousand times thousand times in his life uh all right what else we got uh the i have an update for us okay so uh remember kevin durant there was some speculation yeah on what was going on with him. He's unhappy.
Don't act like you're not interested in Charlotte the Stingray. That bitch is alive.
Kevin Durant is unhappy and requests a trade. But he did? Well, I think he will.
Oh, he will. I think Kevin Durant is unhappy.
We've been talking to some league sources. Yeah, the league sources are saying Kevin Durant have confirmed he is unhappy in his current situation and would like to play somewhere else.
Please credit, pardon my take. Pardon my take, according to the sources we talked to.
I also love the picture day. One, Mark Few is a coach on Team USA.
Didn't realize that. So he's going to get a gold medal before he gets to a Final Four.
And two, Kevinant standing in the back row the height truthers are back i don't even think it's a height truthing anymore it's just kevin durant has always been seven feet he just doesn't want to say it yeah yeah and then um there was a picture of the french team too and rudy was in the background with uh with wimby and he got on his tiptoes so he didn't look that much shorter than Wimby. Smart move by him.
Yeah, that is very smart move. Oh, Cooper flag.
I think Cooper flag. Oh, yeah.
In soccer. You have a Cooper flag.
He might be a problem. We were the first to say it.
Three years ago. It's going to piss me off so much watching him dominate at Duke.
Yeah, but they're not going to still will like flame out. He was like tanking this year is gonna be off the charts off the charts yeah as it should be yeah it's gonna rule and then and the pistons are gonna get the fifth pick yep that's just gonna happen but yeah cooper flag he was uh he was showing out against team usa that's got to be like the coolest moment ever to be playing against all those guys and actually you know be like i belong on this.
You're hitting step backs over some of the best defensive players in the league.

Yeah.

I think he's good.

Yeah.

I'm going to say it right now.

He's good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Spain, France played soccer.

You see that goal?

Golazo.

16-year-old.

Yamal.

Yeah.

Yamal.

And I was talking soccer.

That's it.

Oh, Messi scored.

Yeah, Canada lost.

Yeah. Spain beat Canada.
Spain beat Canada canada yeah that's exactly what happened in soccer yep i i wish we had i actually would have liked to watch the euros um but we were busy but yeah it looked looked cool yeah it was uh it was actually spain france france got a goal which was nice so they they advanced all the way i think this is the quarterfinals semifinals semifinals today so they advanced all the way to the semis they scored one goal uh and i believe it was in the run of play today all their other goals were either own goals or uh pks yeah they had zero open goal uh they had zero open goal goals for the entire tournament until today we got to get their coach yeah they just grit and grind yeah just grit just grit out they're like iowa football of uh football yeah just never

even try to score just get to get to pks or get tripped in the box yep and i was talking soccer

anything else going on in the sports world that we need to be aware of before we get to everything

else we got i think that's pretty much it let's just look i think that's sports for the day oh

i have a headline i could read for us you guys want me to read a headline real quick yeah i have one for my hot seat cool throwing but i don't know if i want to burn it yeah that's what i'm thinking too ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariot ariot work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver check out ariot in your local workwear retailer or visit ariot.com work to get 10 off your first order when you sign up for email and whether whatever in ariot work gear oh sports okay uh here's let's read a headline man uses funnel to pour margarita down woman's butt. Restaurant outraged.
Why are they outraged? I think some people were outraged. The restaurant, Rodeo Mexican restaurant, had to issue a letter.
That's bad news when you have to issue a letter as a restaurant. I don't even know they...
When have you ever seen a restaurant be like, here's a letter that we're informing everyone of? Were people complaining to the restaurant because somebody butt-funneled a margarita? Yes. That's not on the restaurant.
Well, there was video of it. I guess, I don't know, maybe the vibes, but as chill week, you could butt-funnel anywhere.
You could charge double. Yeah.
The the the rodeo mexican restaurant said dear valued customers we recently became aware of an inappropriate incident that took place in our restaurant we want to make it clear that such behavior is completely unacceptable and does not reflect our values or mission to provide a family friendly you're a restaurant family friendly dining experience we are taking this matter very seriously and are conducting a thorough investigation in collaboration with the authorities. Any employees found to be involved will face appropriate action.
We are committed to maintain the highest standards and ensuring a safe and enjoyable environment for all our guests. Thank you for understanding and continue to support.
Sincerely, Rodeo Mexican Restaurant. That's what you're a restaurant.
Yeah. And also that's putting an unreasonable expectation on your server.
Once the drink is served, do you then have to sit at the table to make sure they don't butt funnel it? Yeah, I don't know. I did say Rodeo.
It's Rodeo. Probably.
I was just thinking of Rodeo Drive. Rodeo would be classier.
Rodeo. They should rebrand as Rodeo.
Yeah. If it's Rodeo, then you go in there expecting to see some buttholes as i was reading it i was like this is definitely rodeo what am i why am i saying it like this um yeah there's people were complaining uh this woman said i've enjoyed dining in your restaurant for many years celebrated many birthdays there enjoyed your margaritas uh-oh the one that went up the butt.
I am far from a prude.

That's a classic prude thing to say.

Yeah, no one has ever said that that wasn't a prude.

But I've never been more disgusted in my life by the video of those people acting like animals in your restaurant.

I strongly disagree with that.

I feel like she wants to try some butt funnel.

Also, let me see.

Like, could a dog butt funnel?

No.

I've watched a lot of Nat Geo.

I've never seen an animal butt funnel a margarita. Could a gorilla butt funnel? Could a fucking tiger lot of Nat Geo.
I've never seen an animal butt funnel margarita.

Could a gorilla butt funnel?

Could a fucking tiger butt funnel?

They don't have the thumbs.

No.

Or the, I mean, they don't have funnels.

Yes, I've seen the video, and I know the name of the server in said video.

I've also watched the quality of food and service decline over the years.

That feels fake.

That feels like you're piling on.

Sounds like she was waiting for an excuse. Yeah.
With this the final straw i'll be taking my business elsewhere damn the final straw actually went into that lady's butthole yeah that was it that was literally that's the final straw yeah uh and then one person or kate our our co-worker good friend kate left a review saying this place rules and I hope they don't let any drama bring them down, and I vow to get there someday to enjoy many margs with my mouth. I also liked that the restaurant was like, we will be conducting a very thorough investigation, just like watching the security camera on replay.
Our standards. Yeah.
We expect higher standards than butt funnels. There's going to be like, you know how on a menu it has that asterisk and it says uh warning consuming undercooked poultry or raw seafood yeah to salmonella yeah just on the drink menu have an asterisk be like not to be inserted rectally and then you're covered what else can you do just an x over any any funnels going into butts or you could just become the butt funnel friendly restaurant would probably do well.
We turned a blind eye to the brown eye. Our guy Dana Beers has admitted to boofing.
Oh, really? Yeah, oh yeah. Right up the pooper? Yeah, he boofed.
He did it. I think that's a bridge too far.
All right, I'm looking right now. Yeah, there's not many other headlines or anything going on.
Tyler Glasnow got hurt. That's not even news.
He gets hurt every year. I think Brandon Aiyuk wants to leave the 49ers.
Oh, what would give you that idea? The fact that he keeps talking about wanting to leave the 49ers. That probably would be spot on.
Yeah, he posted a screenshot of him watching Commander's film, which concerns me a little bit because it's like, how does how do you get that film? Probably from Jane Daniels or just he had a drone that flew over practice. But it seems like he wants to leave.
I would accept Brandon Ayuk on the Commanders. Yeah.
I think he's a good player. Did you see RG3? He was like, hey, this is a safe space.
All Commanders fans, do you want to bring back the old logo? Really? Well, they brought back the yellow pants. Yeah, yellow pants is a big deal.
Got it. Big deal for people in D.C.'t have a lot to really celebrate yellow pants in the last 14 years that's huge that's that's banner worthy no i saw the yellow pants and i was like okay that's there we had two seasons where we were pretty good yeah that's huge you gotta have the you can pee in yellow pants no one will ever know that's a fact um okay let's do should we do hot seat? Yeah.
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If you accept the 20 stroke, like, I don't care who it is. If anybody offered me 20 strokes and then I lost, like, even if I beat him by the technicality of only losing by 18 strokes, I'm still the loser.
No, you got to beat him straight up with the 20 strokes and be like, throw those 20 strokes in the trash. Yeah, so by even offering this to Biden, Trump already won.
The way that Biden could win back is if he says, I'll do it, but it's got to be Frisbee golf. That'd be pretty chill.
Two guys just banging chains together. I think they would die if they had to play Frisbee golf.
Definitely. You know what we should do? We should actually demand that they both do it, that they both have to carry their bags, but it's four rounds.
It's like a full four and then hope that they just both die on the course that would be over under one and a half broken hips yeah i'd hammer the over no medics yeah just the two of them out of the course yep and then they they both die and then we're good no don't give them the rules yeah then we then we don't have fucking let them let them bang some chains. Back to the drawing board.
Then we're good. Yeah, that's tough.
The 20 strokes. Because you can't...
Yeah, if you play that and you lose by 10, then Trump's just going to be like, I won. Yeah, that was the best part of the debate, though, where they were just talking about their golf game.
This is the most relatable. Either of them have been.
They asked him a question about, like, child care. What are you going to do about child care costs? And then it just devolved into, well, I'm a six handicap.
I'm an eight handicap. I beat your ass on the golf course.
I beat your ass. All right, Jack.
Play tomorrow. All right, good hot seat.
Speaking of golf, my cool throne is Keegan Bradley. Yes.
Ryder Cup snub. The Netflix, I only watched it recently, but the Netflix full swing documentary showing the details of how hard he got snubbed and the boys club, Zach Johnson, Spieth, and Justin Thomas was crazy.
I felt super bad for Keegan. And then today he got named captain.
He said he had no idea that that was even a possibility until he got the call being like, hey, you're going to be captain in the World Cup, which is crazy. But awesome for Keegan.
Yeah, it does feel like a make good, but it's, I mean, he's a great dude and he's he's gonna be a good captain i just want him to be as petty as possible and like maybe even call zach johnson and be like hey you've made the rider cup uh team we need you on the team and then him be like really that's awesome like psych he said zach johnson was the one that told him oh that kind of yeah yeah he needs to like invite zach johnson and then take away his invite he should say zach i'd like you to be on the rider cup team as a caddy yeah what actually you'd probably suck at that too yeah uh he also said you want to valet our cars i think he can say that he was going to take any golfer like it doesn't matter if you're on the pga tour live tour doors open for everyone hank yeah hank could even hank is eligible for the rider cup

yeah okay phil mickelson bryson mickelson yeah let off with phil with that list huh that phil on the rider cup would be the funniest like yes he's obviously super greg norman but yeah get all the all the guys all the great americans back yeah ian poulter yeah uh okay good cool. PFT.
Good job. My hot seat is us.
It's chill week, dude. Yeah, we're chill.
We're fucking chill. You know what? That was a chill cool throne.
Yeah. My hot seat is us.
Give me a little. Uh-oh.
We got competition, boys. Oh, yeah.
We did a bad job. We didn't talk about this when we got back from our little vacay, um there's a new podcast in town yeah and it sounds fucking amazing joc was the one who who alerted us oh yeah that's right yeah yeah he says a text like watch out guys i you know what i'll say the podcast first but joc's banned from it yeah joc and also shout out jerry o'connell because he literally i think he just polices the internet for us because he he texted me and pft being like watch out watch out watch your six where you're in trouble so uh adam schefter tweeted this out on july 3rd california governor gavin newsom super bowl champion marshawn lynch and agent doug hendrickson are joining forces for a new weekly podcast called politicking that will be available on iheart podcast newsom and hendrickson have been friends since the 90s hendrickson has represented lynch since 2007 they have been working on this podcast for the past six months we're fucked well so all right so i don't think we're fucked for the reason you're saying i think this is uh like the big short no big deal i read the book before the movie came out.
Book was better. When they go down to Florida and they see like a stripper who has seven houses, Marshawn Lynch, Gavin Newsom and Doug, whatever.
Doug Hendrickson. Having a podcast together is the very sign that the podcast bubble is about to burst.
But you forget that Newsom and Hendrickson have been friends since the 90s. Oh, shit.

They're going to represent Lynch in 2007.

You also forget that they've been working on this podcast for the past six months.

You know, a podcast to see that group text.

It's going to be a fucking banger of a podcast when you spend six months working on it.

I challenge them.

We're about to do the Mount Rushmore of worse situations to shit.

I challenge them to do a better Mount Rushmore of worse situations to shit yeah you can't do it uh the french laundry that'd be a bad place that'd be a bad place take a shit that would be a bad place yeah this is uh okay we're i think it's hot seat podcasting in general so whenever you hear somebody planning out a podcast a good rule of thumb would be that it it's like a sandwich so if you've been working on a sandwich for six months it's probably gonna suck ass because it's been sitting out for a while they've just been like going back and here's what we did all their best stuff already yeah here's what working on a podcast for six months sounds like six months ago you say hey we should start a podcast yeah and then like a week later we should really do that podcast and then the next week i've been later, we should really do that podcast. And then the next week,

I've been thinking about,

we should definitely do that podcast.

Yeah.

And then you finally sit down.

I'm sure it'll last past election season too.

This isn't just like a short term thing.

Oh, no.

Politicking is not just for election season, Hank.

Politicking is life.

Yeah.

Every day you politicking.

Every day I'm politicking.

Just a Marshawn Lynch podcast

would be infinitely better than this.

Yes.

Yeah, I think this podcast we worked on for all of one dinner yeah there was a dinner we went to one dinner before the first uh test episode no we yeah we did a test episode remotely i think one time no we did one in your house in austin yeah that was the first episode that was the first episode yeah and all we did was a dinner before no but i think there was a test episode that was like i don't think so yeah that was like two weeks before that i remember i was in a hotel room in houston it was like maybe a 15 minute test oh okay so there it is yeah we did an hour and 15 minutes but we did actually me and big cat did text back and forth for like a couple years being like at some point we should work together yeah so really part of my take started in like 2014 we were working on it for two years yeah but we're fucked yeah jerry o'connell you're banned from going on politicking yeah he would never he would never uh my cool throne is dac's ankle oh you see dac prescott was wearing a walking boot on a boat when he was on vacation uh-oh and they asked dac about it and he said it's absolutely nothing. So he said he hurt his ankle.
He was closed. He hurt his ankle like, what, two years ago, three years ago? And he's saying that he's just wearing the walking boot as a precaution on a boat.
I don't know much about walking boots besides Big Ben, but I don't think that you just wear one because you're going on a boat. That seems like maybe the worst place to wear one, actually.
Okay. Since we are a big Dak Prescott podcast, we had him ranked in our top 18 of quarterbacks a month ago.
Spin zone. Maybe Dak Prescott is wearing the walking boot because in the past he has gone on vacations and got his ass beat.
So if he puts on the walking boot, it's kind of like, hey, I'm not here to fight guy. Yeah, you're not going to hit a guy who's handicapped.
Right, in a walking boot. So yeah, it's precautionary.
Don't want to get my ass beat like I did on spring break at South Padre Island. That's not a bad spin zone for it.
Yeah. I just feel like if you're wearing it, you're not even allowed to wear shoes on a boat.
But I guess if it's medical shoes, you can do that. You can wear shoes on a boat.
Yeah. Who says you're not allowed to wear shoes? I mean, the boat owner might.
I'm thinking back. Yeah.
I've only like rented or been on friends boats. Yeah.
You can wear shoes on a boat. If it's your boat, you can wear shoes on it.
A walking boot. I think your boat.
Walking boot seems like it'd really get in the way of things. I actually take shoes off.
You do take shoes off? Yeah.'t think people mostly don't But you can It depends on the boat If you own the boat outright I'd fucking stop my shoes everywhere Pontoon boat shoes Living room on water But if it's like a smaller boat I don't know I'm not a boat person We gotta get a it we gotta get a boat guy hank you gotta get out on the boat yeah um okay my it's fine absolutely nothing you said my hot seat is actually hank uh because uh we went this morning to get breakfast and i did my customary we went and got bagels great bagels i'll go back tomorrow and get it for everyone i got my customary uh backup bagel so i ordered my regular bagel and a backup bagel regular bagel was a bacon egg and cheese let's just put that on the record right and what yeah great great order and my backup bagel was an everything bagel with cream cheese and hank scoffed at me so i then tweeted it and everyone backed me up i was like universal praise because here's a hard and fast rule followers one and a half bagels is usually the perfect amount i usually eat all two but one and a half is the perfect amount you can't one bagel is never fully satisfying a backup bagel is the most important bacon egg and cheese great you need to finish it off with something i finish it off with the backup bagels. You invented dessert.
Why didn't you get a backup bagel is the most important bacon egg and cheese great you need to finish it off with something i finish it off with the backup bagel you invented why did you have a backup breakfast dessert so do you is the backup bagel always like a sweeter one it doesn't always have to be if it's if it's like if i think it's going to be an awesome bacon egg like there's a place i get uh a bacon egg and cheese from in chicago that it does it one does not fill me up one and a half usually does but would you ever get like the cream cheese one as your first one you actually have three bagels and then have the bacon egg and cheese after that yeah uh you always I usually like to leave with the bacon egg and cheese yeah but I'll do like I'll sometimes do if I'm not in the mood for bacon egg and cheese I'll just do. I'll do a bagel with cream cheese and a backup bagel with cream cheese.

That's smart.

Yeah.

It's Max had my back.

Max actually was like,

can I get a,

can I get a whack of one of these?

I was like, buddy,

I got a backup bagel just for this spot.

Do you get backup bagels, Max?

Does anyone here get backup bagels?

Max does.

He said he does.

I've never done it,

but I think a good rule of thumb

is just like when you're on vacation

or when you're on a trip somewhere,

you never know when you're going to eat next. Yeah.
being a hater hank you put me on the hot seat is that on i it depends where the bay like new york city bagels now like new york city bagels are about new york city bagels with bacon egg and cheese and but like if you're in other parts of the country whether the bagels are a lot smaller than yes i agree i I get get backup bagels everywhere. New York, I do not.
New York bagels are very big and fit. I actually went one further.
I went trustee with Max because I was like, I had just given this guy half of my backup bagel. And I was like, sometimes I'll do backup sandwiches.
And he was like, that's a little crazy. But yeah, we agreed.
You do like it. If you want to get two.
Yeah, you go. You go.
Like, if you don't want to get. if you want to get two yeah you go you go like if you don't want to get if you want to try two different things i'll get like a buffalo chicken sandwich and a cheesesteak and then but you get the small jimmy john's i always get a backup sandwich but you got to get the small ones because you can put that in the fridge i just i don't understand what the issue is of getting too much breakfast yeah it's about i don't have an issue at all what happens if your fucking starter gets hurt you got a backup you just don't understand what the issue is of getting too much breakfast.
Yeah, it's a bad. I don't have an issue at all.
What happens if your fucking starter gets hurt? You got a backup. You just don't plan.
It's different positions. The thing.
No, they're both breakfast. It's so infuriating about Hank is like different quarterback types.
No ones. One's maybe a more classic, like six, five rocket arm bacon, egg and cheese.
The other might might be a little elusive, probably can't throw it downfield, bagel with cream cheese. I think a better analogy would be like a running back duo because you can't have two quarterbacks as a pitcher, but you've got Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah, I've got a little Darren Sprouls to finish off my… You've got the Michael Turner. Brandon Jacobs.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're never going to catch me complaining about getting breakfast with Big Cat. There's nothing I love more.
It's what's so infuriating about breakfast with Hank is if there's too much breakfast, he'll complain. Yeah.
If there's not enough breakfast, he'll complain. What are you talking? Back up bagel is something everyone should embrace in life.
That is objectively insane. You never complain about having not enough breakfast.
Only when we just drive for 12 hours straight and don't get breakfast. There's just no way when you eat one bagel, you're like, I'm full and satisfied.
I couldn't use another half a bagel right now. Also, Hank, fact check real quick.
I give you all the Pinocchios. We just left a fucking hotel room in the morning.
We didn't drive for 12 hours straight. We slept in a hotel.
We got out of the hotel. We breakfast and then hank was like why didn't we get enough no this is on oh yeah yeah yeah we had slept overnight in the hotel then we get up in the morning we go to the bus and then you complain about not enough breakfast yeah we actually had a very funny moment when we checked in last night at like midnight uh i i love we should do an interview series with guys who work overnight ships at at hotels because they're always a little different in like a good way but this guy was a little different in a good way and uh we were like debating we're like hey do you guys have breakfast here they're like no and at first we're like everyone's responsible for their own breakfast and we're like we agree and then we told the guy behind the the the desk we're like hey you're a witness you hear this he's saying that he's responsible for his own breakfast the guy was like i don't know what the fuck's going on and then we're like do you have breakfast here he's like no it's like all right change that you're not a witness for that anymore we're gonna get breakfast together yeah that guy that guy had a look when we he we came in and we started talking and he was like i usually don't deal with people who are talking.
I will get breakfast for us tomorrow. Okay? Because we have an 8 a.m.
interview. And you're going to be a baby about it.
That's a fact. He's going to be a baby about it.
And I'll get you a backup bagel, too. Thank you.
Yeah. No problem.
All right. My cool throne is the Twitter account, the Hater Central, NBA Hater.
Iba hater i know this one made me laugh so if you guys aren't familiar with nba hater uh it he's very clear on what he is he's an nba hater some of his tweets this is just from like the last two days uh he said rob palenka this offseason zero new signings 143 mewing sessions i think that's when you get jerked off on a table. With a cat? Yeah, I don't know.
Mewing is when you put your tongue on top of your mouth. What's mewing? Gleeking? That's mewing? I think mewing is...
What's when you get milked in a table? I need to mew more. Oh, okay.
I think mewing is complaining. 74 rejections held hostage by Rich Paul and LeBron.
Zero working phones. Reportedly interested in signing point guard, shooting guard, Savannah James.
So these are the type of – When Dalton Connect and Bronny James debut, 10 points, four for 19 field goals, one for six three-pointers. The ass connection is what he's calling them.
Like he's – and Franz Wagner, who we love, signed a $234 million contract extension. Wow.
Yeah, which is nuts. And he said, never forget his Illuminati Astor class.
So this is the type of tweets you're getting from him. So you see this guy, he goes after everyone everyone and he does this all the time.
And you're like, this guy, I don't know what his deal is. He had a tweet yesterday.
He said, started this account in the 10th grade. Oh, not thinking much of it.
Now I'm going to college in a month with 105K followers. The support has been unreal.
Thanks to every single person who's ever interacted with any of the tweets. hope i can give you a laugh whenever you need one so the nba hater central was was like 15 years old when he started this account what were the replies to that like from the long-term followers they're like people like yeah bro great job bro you're killing it love supporting you it's been it's been amazing to join you on this ride the He called the Warriors have added depth this offseason.

Buddy Heald and Kyle Anderson, 32 huge teeth, one receding hairline,

building the no-aura Avengers.

I got to see what this guy looks like.

He's probably idiots. I got to see a face reveal from this account.

He's probably idiots.

Oh, man.

But shout on him.

I mean, that's dedication.

Starting the Hater Central early.

Yeah, I started following that other account that we talked about,

Hater Report.

Now I've got to start following Hater Central.

He's got a soccer one too.

Does he really?

He's got a whole network.

Yeah, he's building out an empire.

A nation of haters.

It's kind of respectable.

He's only 18 years old.

He's starting college.

Hopefully, we'll see.

Once he gets to college, he might be partying, meeting the hate might yeah it might get soft it might get soft he said uh mbappe washed at 26 love that yeah love that i also want to know if this guy's taking like intern applications to open up other branches of hating yeah getting the hate going um okay uh that was good hot seat cool throne let's Mount Rushmore. Then we'll get to David Wells.
You ready, boys? Let's do it. Mount Rushmore of worst situations to have to shit.
Yep. Who is up first? So that would be Henry.
Henry. Then Max.
Then me. Then Big Cat.
Yes. So it's Mount Rushmore of situations that are worse when you have to shit right mount rushmore of situations that are bad to shit in yeah one one okay one one during foreplay oh foreplay whoa big foreplay guys getting started things are things yeah which during sex wouldn't be worse no no, because you're not even going to get to sex.

Like, you start making out with a girl.

But if you're like mid-thrust and you're like, I got a shit,

that seems like really bad.

But maybe you entered the goal zone,

but like this, you don't even get there.

You're going to have to go take a shit,

and that's just going to ruin the vibe.

Foreplay is like making out. Everything, yeah.
Stop leading getting it oh getting a butt funnel in a mexican restaurant yep okay that would actually be a very bad place to have to shit yeah absolutely all right i didn't have on my list foreplay foreplay what kind of foreplay you into i'm just regular regular stuff i mean about the pod? I have a story, but I don't know if I want to say it. Maybe we'll cut it.
But this happened. Not foreplay.
Oh. But I was like first or second date with a girl.
We were walking back to her place and my stomach dropped. And I was praying that she had like a lobby with a bathroom in it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did not.

Had to walk up like four flights of stairs.

And shit.

And shit.

And then you got to do the fast one.

I couldn't do that.

It was like a disaster.

Barbara was small.

She could probably hear it.

I had to be in there for like 10 minutes.

Did you put a sink on?

Dude.

No.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was.

It was. Did you put the sink on? No, it was...
It was acting like you're really washing your hands. And then you'll just spray anything you can find.
Lysol, fucking bleach. I'll spray cologne, hairspray, anything.
Just get the air going. Hank doesn't have a match, so he just takes out a joint and lights it in there? Disaster, but yeah.
Did you still close? Yeah, we just thought about that. Oh, damn.
Done in by a shit. So this seemed very personal.
Okay. Max, you're up.
I'm going to say on a plane. Yeah.
Great pick. Great pick.
On a plane sucks. I don't even think I would physically be able to do that.
I don't think I would fit in a bathroom. Maybe made them small.
They made them do the single bagels and that would change. I didn't even...
That was so unchill of you. That was so unchill of you, bro.
That was so unchill. You know what? Not getting you breakfast tomorrow.
Officially. Okay, fine.
All right. Everyone else, bagels.
Max, you said that you don't think that you could fit in an airplane bathroom.

You don't pee on an airplane?

No, but sitting is a different situation. It is.

Max is right.

I'm going to back him up here.

It's a tight squeeze.

And also, I was out.

Bathroom on the plane.

I was also looking at this.

If you have to shit, you can go to a bathroom.

You don't want to shit on a plane.

But you don't want to be the guy who shits on a plane.

You're going to see these people again in your life?

Well, sometimes they might be a reporter. Yeah, sometimes it might be a reporter.
Yeah, that's true. There's reporters everywhere.
Alright, PFT. Okay, um...
I'm going to go with my first one during sex. Oh! During sex.
As you're having sex. In the middle of sex you're you know doing the act and you have to shit what do you do yeah you see you have to stop then you go to the bathroom maybe she's

into it and then you have to shit and then you're like well now i now we have to start foreplay again

yep and then if you had to shit during foreplay that would make it definitely worse but i think

having to shit during sex is bad yeah during sex would suck okay good pick thank you

Thank you. All right.
I'll go with. Hank's mad.
He's mad about the backup bagel. Yeah.
That's like about the wakeboard has been just insane. He can't even exist.
Put me on the hot seat. Okay.
I'll go. I'm going to fire back.
Don't put me on the hot seat uh okay i'll go i'm gonna fire back don't put me on the hot seat my one one um significant others parents house yeah is the worst because even if you even if it's a house where you can maybe find the bathroom that no one goes to there's still always in the back of your mind like i max you max and i maybe i think you guys would relate but max and i especially a road toilet you just don't know like it's it's like playing on a it's like playing on a 12 foot hoop you don't know the the dimensions of it you don't know what the flushing is going to be like you don't know if it's a bad flush easy flush anything a road toilet is the scariest thing in the world the toilet paper may be extra thick all that stuff you don't know if the bathroom is going to have the fan as one of the switches

so many variables you're just hitting every switch hoping one of them turn and then when you walk

back in then your significant other is like where were you right and then everyone else hears or

asked like uh i had to uh take a phone call in the bathroom or you run the risk of like uh uh

like mother-in-law or sister you know sister cousin someone standing outside and being like

All right. I had to take a phone call in the bathroom.
Or you run the risk of like mother-in-law or sister, cousin, someone standing outside and being like, oh. When you open the door after a big shit at someone else's house and there's someone weeding.
Right there, yeah. And you're like, god damn it.
Is there anything worse than being in that situation? You're taking a shit and then someone tries to open the door and you hear the click and you have to say, someone's in yeah someone's in here hey you know that voice yeah you try to do a different voice so they might think it's a different family member yep the worst uh and then uh my other big one is uh right after you get out of the shower that's the worst because you don't go back in the shower usually and you can you could do a good job wipe but that just it's just a different vibe for your whole day. Yep.
There's a vibe of shitting right before the shower. And there's a vibe of shitting right after the shower.
Your day is basically ruined by that moment. Yep.
And it doesn't happen often. But when it does, that was just the biggest mistake.
Okay, Max. No.
I think it's me. PFT.
Sorry. Wrapping back around.
After sex around uh after sex i'm gonna go no after sex is great shit during anal check your phone you can take it hank if i were you i'd take it when you're getting anal just seeing what pft is gonna you know uh i'm gonna go with uh just at a bar At a bar when you're out for the night You're out with the lads It depends on the bathroom Bar situation Like if I have Taken many a shit at a bar If they have the private stalls Dive bars are the worst when you walk in You're like all right there's the the worst is like a bar that has the uh like the the barriers are so so small that like if you stand up you can see everyone and everyone can look over and that's the worst if there's like one urinal and one stall and there's so much turnover of people using that urinal but you're just using that stall to shit is is terrible i've told this story before but one of the funniest things ever was the bar duffy's in uh chicago and they had for a while there i don't know if they fixed it but it was like it was like seven urinals and then a toilet but no barrier yeah there was one time i was there watching college football and a dude it was full and a dude just sat down and started taking a shit and everyone cheered it was like fuck yes dude i thought you said that was like a fantasy football pun or no that would be a great that would be a great punch like you have to go to a bar yeah and shit shit yeah yeah there was there was a bar in austin called nasties i used to go to where it was the entire bathroom was just one toilet in the middle of the room. Like a sit-down toilet.
And nobody ever took a shit there ever. One time I walked in, there was just a guy standing.
He was like ready to go, like pants down. Gotta go.
Gotta turn around. Yeah.
Yeah, shitting in a bar because then you also get that embarrassment factor of walking back and people are like, dude, were you just shitting? You just gotta rub your nose. Yeah, and in in that moment you have to act like you never shit no dude yeah i would never shit uh all right max i i guess i have a theme going here but i'm just gonna go with on a boat that's a good pick i had that's a great one i did plane first and boat next but it's like there's both mates way better than a plane because there's no bathroom on there or aqua but yeah that's the that That was the reason I didn't do it because there are probably people who like to aqua dump.
Yes. I don't mind it.
There are bathrooms on planes. That's what I'm saying.
And on boats too. Not always.
No, but those boat bathrooms are bad. I'm agreeing with Max.
Even if there's a bathroom. I don't like shitting in small spaces.
Even if there's a bathroom on a boat, it's one of the ones that you have to press the pedal on. Yes.
Yes. And it's like that stink just is going to stay for a while.
Okay. I'm going to go at a sporting event.
At a sold-out sporting event. I had it.
I had it. Definitely.
A bar. And again, much smaller, much less people.
Probably a line, but still not bad. But a sporting event when you like, I'm thinking of all my situations when it's like you, it's like diarrhea.
Like you can't wait. Like your stomach drops and you have to go.
And no matter what, you have to wait for probably 20 or 30 people. And then you have to just unload with everyone inside.
And when you get into that bathroom to take the shit, the toilet is always a war zone. Yep.
Yeah. You go through all of them, and you're just like, fuck, this is going to be...
You just know any high traffic situation, you're like, this sucks. And bonus for that pick, the toilet paper is always the worst.
It's the worst. It's single ply.
If it's there at all. Yeah, and it's just terrible.
Yeah. And then I will go in another situation that there is no bathroom if you're on the subway.
I shit my pants on the subway. Usually, yeah.
Because even if you're on the subway, again, your stomach drops. You're like, fuck, I got to go to the bathroom.
There's not a quick bathroom off a subway. You have to get up and then hope you can find somewhere.
But most places with subways are places like no public bathrooms. You can't just run in.
So, yeah, nothing worse and then if you have to you know fart it out you're just crammed around people it's the worst yep agreed okay good i'm gonna go with a music festival porta potty oh good one it's been used all day it's so fucking hot yeah i shitting in any porta potty is the worst you walk out of there like you literally just came out of a sauna and it's so fucking hot yep shitting in any port-a-potty is the worst you walk out of there like you literally just came out of a sauna and it's just disgusting and you're sitting on piss it's a fucking when the port-a-potty when you look in and it's been rising there's a lot in there you always have to peek too right in a port-a-potty you have to just take a look. What's the situation like down there? Yeah, did a bomb go off in here? Good pick.
Good pick, Max. Alright, for my next one, I'm just going to go one more.
Max just keeps picking small toilets. Yeah.
Port-a-potties are also hot though. I might make you eat a back-up bagel tomorrow.
I might sit here and be like, we're not starting the day until you eat two bagels. Which one of his picks do you dispute? Not disputing, just critiquing.
I think they're all valid picks. If you're on a plane...
You're just mad because PFT got sex and you got foreplay. No, foreplay's way worse.
Foreplay's way worse. When I'm going down on a chick.
Okay. Or reverse.
All right. That's a pumpkin.
You're you're gross i'm just gonna go with on a road trip yeah in a car on a road trip because then you got to make everybody pull over for you yep you got to find a bathroom sometimes you have to go into the gas station ask them for the key that's attached to like a hockey stick then go around the corner open up the bathroom door you go in there's needles everywhere in the bathroom also looks like a bomb went off it smells like shit it's just a bad bad scene if you have to shit on the road yep yep um okay i got two to finish off my picks um this one's happened to me a few times uh i'm gonna go with right before you have to puke because that's the worst when you're taking a shit and you're like you're fucked up and you're taking a shit and you're like this will solve it you're like nope i gotta puke and then you gotta puke where you're just shitting i when i was a kid and i had a stomach bug i did both yeah it's the world i was puking and as i was puking shit came out of my. Having to do...
Like on the wall of the bathroom. I probably shouldn't have shared that, but it has happened.
But has it happened to you guys before where you're like so fucked up and you're like, a shit will solve this? And you're like, nope, it's a puke. It's like, but I already shit, so now I have to turn around.
It's the grossest. You got two moves at that point.
You can either shit, to try to spew it between your legs or if you're lucky there's a bathtub next to you you just lean over there oh the worst and then my last one is uh i i can't say to it actually hank can say to it prison prison has to suck to shit that's a good fourth pick you i mean like you you there's a shitter in your room with a roommate hank you've shit in prison before i did shit in front of people no i was in my own in my own stall we're in the waiting cell this was three o'clock in the afternoon they said we're not getting out till seven and i was like i'm not holding this for whatever 20 hours and i just started shitting and i was like are you pooping right now i was like what i hadn't i had no choice yeah no option but every story you hear in every picture you see it's usually like two people or three people or four people living in a room and there's just a toilet in the middle yeah i do you have to have like a schedule and it's just gotta suck someone's gonna use it yeah and it's just gotta suck no matter what yeah that'd be bad it's gotta suck for everyone i would just stop shitting yeah yeah uh okay pft your last pick all right my last pick i was thinking about going super specific with this one but i'm just gonna say in a foreign country if you're out in a foreign country you know about bidets so here's the thing though never used one i Never used one. Here's the thing.
Bidets, you have to walk around with a wet ass afterwards. Agreed.
I'm not a bidet guy. I think it's a little sus that you just get water sprayed up your butt.
I'm a real man. I like to stick my own fingers up my ass.
So I don't wipe. Bidets combined with toilet paper, not a bad scene.
Just bidet. I would never trust that.

First of all, yeah, you can't trust it.

Second of all, you just have wet ass.

It just runs down your leg.

Dumb question.

Where does that water come from?

Is that recycled?

Is that poop water?

Yeah.

No, I think there's poop water back up. Depends on what kind of bidet we're talking about.

There's some bidets where you have two stations.

So you go from the poop station to the bidet station. Some of them have just like a faucet in the wall that you spray.
But the sneaky, one of the weirdest things about shitting in a foreign country, especially if you're on an island somewhere or in like Central or South America, the plumbing system isn't equipped to handle toilet paper. So a lot of places, they have toilet paper, but you have to wipe.
And then there's a trash can right next to the toilet that you have to throw your used toilet paper so a lot of places they have toilet paper but you have to wipe and then there's a trash can right next to the toilet that you have to throw your used toilet paper onto on top of other people's shitty toilet paper and then also if you're out and you you don't know the language then you have to ask people where the bathroom is and then they're like oh this this guy wants to shit this american big shitter oh yeah damn okay max mine are all transportation i've realized i thought others port-a-potty is not uh this next one is in traffic and standstill traffic yeah that's like a panic move when you really have to shit and you're like okay i'm almost home and then you're and then you're in traffic and you can't get out of it you start sweating sweating. So it's traffic.
Yeah. I could PFT you, but I'm not going to because I have integrity of the game.
What does that mean? Make a really excellent pick? Yeah, what is that? I was going to say while you're puking. Because that's basically the foreplay sex of...
Okay, do whatever you want, dude. You've been so unchill.
I don't care well how is that a pft well you just took my picking slightly slightly all through it no i had i had during sex is my one one i had while you're puking on my list that's why like do whatever you want bro i'll go with during your own wedding vows that was a great pick that's a good that's a good pick that's's a good pick. That's a funnier pick.
Two-year wedding vows. That's a funnier pick.
That's a great pick, Hank. I know from experience, but that would be a nightmare.
That would suck big time. Alright, what do we leave off? I had kids' school, elementary school.
I have not had to do this but like going to my son's school and like you see the toilets they're two feet off the ground yeah like a foot off the ground would never want to do that what about like during an assembly that you're in at school yeah or like during a meeting like yeah i around like you can't leave for 20 minutes everyone knows business people who have like six hour like full day meetings and you just have to excuse yourself and be like i'm sorry i have to go to the bathroom yep and then you're not back like too quickly everyone's like oh my god he just shit himself yeah that was when you're wearing a suit yeah oh having to like maybe a tuxedo at a wedding you got the suspenders and everything and you just basically you're like i'm gonna shit somewhere on this suit you gotta like basically take off all your clothes yeah that'd be bad also if you're if you're at a job um with a boss that um is like a serious job not like a fuck around job but a job that you care about that's your career and then you go in at the same time as your boss yes he goes to the urinal yes you go to the stall then he then he knows and then he sticks around a little bit too long and you have to start shitting i think it might be worse if you both go to the stall because then you have to sit there and be like you know i know like because because he's not only having to smell your shit but he also is like this guy knows how i sound yeah i did that one time with with my boss back in austin we'd go in the bathroom at the same time sit down he goes to the stall i go to the stall and uh then he just screams fire in the hole broke the ice and just let it rip yeah just absolutely let it rip and then i was like okay this guy's cool he shits loud um all right i had i had two others that i was surprised that weren't picked uh one is is when you're in a pool because not only

the fact that you have to shit while you're in a pool,

but there's nothing worse when you're

in a pool or at the beach and you have

to go to the bathroom and you're

going to be wet.

You're slipping on the floor. Your ass cheeks

are wet. It's just a mess.

The beach is a good one. Yeah, the beach is a big one.

Aqua dump.

And then what did you say?

Go ahead.

I was going to say in high school school, after you've already wasted a bathroom break to just walk around. Oh, yeah.
And then you come back and you're like, I have to go to the bathroom break. No, I used to just be like, every period I would go, maybe once or twice.
Just so I could sit on the toilet. You have to go in every single class because, you know, you...
There were times I went twice. And then the teacher would but I was like, fuck it.
What do you say at that point? You're just like, no, the first one I was faking it. Right.
You're like, no, like I had to shit. Yeah.
What about during the second quarter of a college football game? And you're the coach. Oh, yeah.
Sidelines and you're old. And then you have to stop the game to sprint across the field into the locker room yeah you're flushed out yeah yeah um and then the other one i had that i was surprised it's kind of similar to the significant other's parents house but significant other in a hotel room because that you could be with your significant other forever when you get into some hotel rooms and you're like this hotel room is 300 square feet like you're you we're men the way we shit changes the whole vibe of an entire hotel room or a weekend so like you have to go to the lobby or something but if you have to go in the hotel room max you're looking at me like you don't yeah no i let it rip you do yeah dude when it's such a small confined space i'm Like, shit's gonna linger for days that's all i felt yeah the sound yeah exactly back to your story um all right any any others oh gas station with only one bathroom you know which ones i'm talking about where it's one single bathroom and it's like this is this bathroom has been through hell like absolute hell that's like if you're on a road trip that that goes hand in hand with what you just said like you really have to go and it's the only gas station around and you're like do you have a bathroom they're like yeah but it's in the back for employees yeah and it's like okay i can use it and it's there's oh yeah i don't get there you have to walk through like their inventory of food that they have that's exactly what i was picture.
The other the other one is the key bathrooms at a gas station that you have to go outside for those are always the worst truckers are probably getting their dick sucked in there during the NBA finals against the Lakers that would be bad that would be very bad during a marathon I actually think that's kind of an okay time Yeah that plays It might be the only time you can shit your pants and no one's gonna really judge you Who's the guy that No Davis Clark The influencer Yeah That was a great video I also feel like runners they welcome you into an elite fraternity if you do that. Yeah.
They're like respect. Yeah, you left it all out there.
Okay, let's get to our interview. We got an awesome interview with David Wells, and we'll finish up with Pardon Your Take.
PFT, you got an ad before we start the interview? I do. Rated T for Teen.
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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest.

It is our first interview of Chill Week, sponsored by Coors Light and Chevy Silverado.

It is the legend, 21 years pitching in MLB, David Boomer Wells. Should we go by Bo Boomer or how do you want to start that? I'm cool with any one of them.
All right, I love that. Let's start, though.
We're here at the tournament that's going to be taking place this weekend in Tahoe. First of all, how's the golf game? Do you think we have a chance of winning? I have zero chance of winning in this.
You can't say zero. I'm going to tell you zero.
What if half of the field gets hit by a bus? There's another half. And there's another half are some good players, but no.
I've come this year with zero expectations. You know, I had a shoulder replacement in December, so I'm just getting that back.
I've probably had about nine rounds 10 rounds okay since then so it's like it's it's not pretty but i i mean i am i mean because i'm coordinated and i do play a lot of golf it's just just trying to find your rhythm in that and it's just it's not there but yeah i just try to stay away from the double bogeys what's what's your handicap well, normally when I'm playing a lot, it's probably anywhere from a 6 to a 9. Okay, nice.
You like that number, 6 to 9? That's like Joe Biden, right? That's what he said. It makes you a pink belt in tung-fu, so you're good.
I love it, though, that you're from a 6 to a 9. That's a really good golfer.
And you're being very humble, being like, I'm not going to compete in this thing. And it's a good song.
You probably don't know who sang. If six was a nine.
If six was a nine. Rush? No.
Damn. You got to go way back, brother.
Three Dog Night. The Mamas and the Papas? No.
What is it? Robert Johnson. Nope.
Jimi Hendrix. Oh, okay.
I should have knownrix oh okay i should have known that one you're a big music guy huge music guy so i i heard a story that uh your favorite obviously your favorite day was when you would start but mostly because you got to control the clubhouse music yes so would you what was the usual pick and was there anyone in particular who was like what the hell boomer we don't listen to this? Well, a lot of guys didn't want to listen to it, especially Joe Torre, but I didn't give two shits about that. Can we cuss? Yeah, fuck, say fuck, motherfucker.
Fucking A. Yeah.
You can't say fart. I know you got in trouble with that one time.
How about that? You did. Yeah, that was all right.
But anyways, I mean, I got fired up, so my go-to was Metallica. Nice.
100%. And then I'd throw a little Disturbed in there.
Okay. A little Slipknot in there and just get it going.
And then, you know, I'd wind down a little bit, play a little bit of Van Halen. Love Van Halen.
Yeah. You know, do that.
Some cheap tricks, some of the old school stuff, and then finish it up with Wolf and Man. Yeah.
And then that was one of my come out songs, but played a lot of P.O.D. as well.
So wait. Because it was my boy, San Diego boys down there.
What would Torrey say? He would try to turn it down. I'd go back and turn it back up.
Yeah, what did he want to listen to? And I just told him, if you want to win, leave the fucking music alone. Yeah.
Because this is how I get ready, you know, for my starts. Yeah.
Go out in the dugout, do something, know for the next 45 50 minutes yeah I respect that though like on days that you're working you know what gets you dialed in right and it's some fucking Metallica but he made it all about himself so yeah it was like you know what do you do but you know that to me that that just worked with for me and and how I got prepared and ready because I just you know music know, music, if music wasn't around, I don't think I'd have been a worth shit. Yeah.
You know, I just, I always gravitate and go to music. And any time, and if high or low, just go to music and you just find the songs that work for you to get you out of your funk.
So what are your top three Metallic albums? You know, probably Ride i like uh you know obviously the black album yeah which was great and probably masters okay yeah those three are pretty badass yeah yeah those those really do like the old school metallica you can't you don't have a pulse if you listen to that and you can't get up for it no and i used to run with lars back in the day so it was quite quite interesting quite a lot of fun you know james hatfield didn't really gravitate towards me a little as much but you know he was he was nice he wasn't a dick you know a lot of people can be but he was he was really cool and i got to go behind the scenes and you know hang out in sessions with him and do all that so it was pretty cool and but yeah lars that was my man i named my son after him so yeah that's awesome yeah that's really cool so uh and he's a drummer so it's so hopefully he'll follow in his footsteps yeah so um when you sat down you took your knee brace off is your knee okay by the way yeah i just i had to put that on i'm getting this done in december december 2nd i get a knee replacement so i was just i gotta wear a kotex from time to time you know I was admiring the tattoo that the knee brace was covering. You got a skull, but the skull also is a baseball.
And who's on that? It's Babe Ruth. David Cohn, Don Larson, and me.
Yep. Wait, you have your own signature tattoo? I got Whitey Ford and Babe Ruth.
And then the nose is the tunnel going from the clubhouse to the... That's awesome.
That's an awesome tattoo. And then, you know, all the teeth and all that stuff.
But, yeah, it's just – you know, I like skulls. Yeah, so you mentioned, you know, some of the guys there, David Cohn, and got to talk about the perfect game.
How hungover were you for the perfect game? I was – well, after – well, as the game went on, I got better. But the start, I got to the park that morning, and Coney's locker was next to mine.
And, you know, they were getting ready to go out on the field, and he just looked at me and goes, wow. I go, what? I'm looking around, what? And he goes, you stink, dude.
He goes, hide. He goes, if Joe Torre smells it, you're done.
Yeah, I was a brewery. done yeah I was a brewery a lot of vodka came out of that body that day sometimes when you're hung over you just you don't you don't like it drowns out some of the anxiety some of the some of the negative self-talk you just go out there and you fucking do it yeah and a lot of guys have done it but to me I just wasn't expected I it was stupid to do it but you know i i did it you know jimmy fallon and seth my all the guys the whole cast we were just raging till about 5 30 in the morning and then i got home probably about 5 45 6 just facial on the bed and my son wakes me up two hours later dad i'm hungry i'm like go get grandpa to make you something give me a couple more hours of sleep and he's like persistent no so i got up started drinking coffee and then that shit happened yeah it was it was incredible well after after that goes down did you ever think as if it were me and i just pitched a perfect game after i was you know maybe half drunk maybe still hung over i would get in my own and say, I have to do this every single game from now on.
You think I didn't? Not to that extent, but, you know, I usually went out the night before I pitched, you know, low key, just, you know, have a couple pops and I'd get too annihilated and just, but, you know, because for me the next day, just, I was relaxed. Yeah.
Cause you know, a lot of guys get butterflies and and i still got butterflies before every game but you know once you a couple pitches into it you're you're good to go and you know and then you just you just go get into your rhythm yeah but you know not all not all the time it works and and all that so it's like uh you know what do you do you're gonna have good games you're gonna have bad games yeah i don't care Yeah. I don't care the guys who don't drink.
You know, they have bad days too. Yeah, I was looking for my water, but I'll take a Coors Light.
There we go. Ice cold Coors Light.
We'll all crack open a Coors Light. It ain't that ice cold.
Yeah. All right.
So the perfect game, two other things I had about that was. Cheers, gentlemen.
Cheers. Cheers.
Cheers. This is going exactly how I expected when David Wells, the legend, was on.
I heard you say that the bullpen, which you took very seriously throughout your career, and your warm-ups before the game were horrendous for that. So what are you thinking in your head when you're throwing warm-ups before your perfect game? Are you like, this is going to be such a shitty day? Well, ifpens were good I was scared if they were shitty I was okay with it because you can't go any you can't get any worse right so you don't know what to expect but because for me then I would just try to psych myself out I would throw like some pitches like really bad towards the end of my warm up and start dropping the F-bombs and getting pissed off.
And Mel Stoudemire is looking at me and going, what's wrong with you? You all right? No, man, you see those pitches right there? But I'm not going to tell him. It's just my own thing.
I get in my own head. And that's what I did because my pull pins were just so good and perfect.

To me, it was like – it's scary because you could go in there

and just get caught up in it and not really –

you see the guy in front of you, you've got a face,

and you groove him one, it goes a long ways.

Yeah.

So you just got to – that just worked for me.

That was my mindset.

Yeah, so – and then during the perfect game,

at what point were you like, this is happening? Like this is – About the you were like oh shit like this could happen well i walked into the clubhouse i always walked up and got water um i just i was very superstitious so i i you know i with one out i'd run up get a water and then come back down i went into the lounge and i heard michael k and john sterling you know david wells got a perfect game i'm like la la la la la fucking ran out and i'm like got to the bench and then i spit on the first step second step third step got to spit on those and every time there's times like i had cotton mouth i couldn't get shit out of it and fucking feathers were coming out you know it was like like i ate a chicken a chicken. But, yeah, to me it was just a very superstitious thing for me to do, and I just, you know, I did that.
So I just tried to stay. Because I remember going and sitting next to Tino, and he got up and walked away.
Yeah, I was going to say, did everyone leave you alone? Yeah, it was very eerie, very, very eerie. But I knew what they were doing because they don't want to be the ones to, you know, to jinx you and all that kind of stuff.
But, yeah, so I remember it was the eighth inning, going out for the eighth inning. And David Cohn comes up to me and he goes, hey, he goes, break out that break out that knuckleball.
I go, what? He goes, throw the knuckleball. I go, I don't throw a knuckleball.
He goes, yeah, you do. I play catch with you every day.
Throw that knuckleball. I go he goes throw the knuckleball i don't throw a knuckleball he goes

yeah you do i play catch with you every day throw that knuckleball i go i go are you out of your

fucking mind dude i'm not throwing no knuckleball i knew what he was doing i not right away but then

when i was walking out to the mound i'm like hmm he's just trying to get my mind off of what's

going on yeah ah very genius move on his part yeah so yeah that that is genius and he obviously

then threw a perfect game he come next year yeah the next year and did you have anything like that

Thank you. going on yeah ah very genius move on his part yeah so yeah that that is genius and he obviously then threw a perfect game he come next year yeah the next year and did you have anything like that for him no i wasn't i got traded oh yeah that's right you got traded the first day of spring training you bounced around to so many teams was there ever a moment in your career where like man i kind of wish i could just stay at one of these places uh i think i was meant to be on a bunch of teams.
I, you know, I just had a lot of, I had a hard time with authority. Yeah.
You know, I spoke my mind, I think too much, but you know, that's just the way I was. It worked for me, but you know, I want to win.
I want, I want to make the guys around me better. You know, I want my teammates to do what they're supposed to do.
You know, I didn't set a very good example very good example by going out right but i got my if i didn't come and do my job to the park every day or every five days and do my job well then yeah then i would expect them to come and get in my face and you know have an intervention with me or something but uh but it was just it was like you know i i just wanted to win and and i just did not like authority because i'm a grown-ass man so i got don't tell me i got two questions about the authority thing uh one how much of that is uh because of your upbringing with your mom who was by everything i've read an absolute badass she was in the hell's angel she was she was a uh she was you know a woman i guess she was her boyfriend so yeah she was an old lady as they would say yeah but how was that like your mom like that's kind of the coolest thing ever to be like yeah my mom was a hell's angel you know to me as a kid you don't really really because you're around these guys every day you know especially on the weekends you know when the party's at your house right and in our apartment but the apartment complex that we lived in there was two on the on on the weekends, you know, when the party's at your house. Right.
And our apartment. But the apartment complex that we lived in, there was two on the same block, but we were the bigger one.
The other one was a little smaller, and they had a big courtyard in the middle, and it was just, it was on. And it was cool because you'd have, you know, 150, 200 motorcycles around your whole block.
People were scared of you. Yeah, I was going to say, no one messed with you, I'm sure was a shit talking punk little kid you mess with me my mom's boyfriend's gonna beat your ass you know and do all that stuff so i i got away with a lot of shit yeah but uh but no my mom was she that was just her lifestyle and you know worked for her and but she always told me she goes don't take any shit from anybody speak your mind and persevere yeah and that's and i remember that as a little kid and then i took that in to my life and and it worked yeah so the second question about authority is uh i heard a story that you tried to or maybe didn't try but you told george steinbrenner that you're going to beat his ass oh yeah so can you tell us that story because that's i i would imagine a lot of guys on the yankees didn't do that uh because he was the boss yeah well it was interleague game we were playing the the expos and pedro and i were going toe-to-toe and i think it was the third or fourth inning darren fletcher hit a home run but the year before um 96 when i was with baltimore and uh jeffrey merrick kid yeah leaned over and he's a shit he did that because tony tarasco was under camping underneath and he just reached out and richie garcia called it a home run which was bullshit yep and so i brought that up because same thing happened to me kid or not a kid some guy leaned over and tony was right and uh and paul o'neill was right underneath it and paul was pissed he's screaming and they call it a home run so i i think i went eight innings and uh and then when i went in george steinbrenner was sitting right next to my locker but there was a picnic table in front of my locker and with Nick Peoria, who was our clubhouse manager, and they were talking.
I come in. I said, hey, George, I said, you got to do something with that fence.
I said, it worked for you last year. It didn't work today.
We were losing, I think, at the time, I think, 3-1. And he's like, he just looks at me and goes, you ain't the pitcher I signed.
I go, excuse me? He goes, you ain't the pitcher i signed i go excuse me he goes you ain't the pitcher i signed i go what if you don't fucking like me why don't you trade me he goes i tried nobody wants you that pissed me off yeah so i was just like i was like oh boy here we go so he just kind of looked at me i said if you don't like me get fucking rid of me i said if you don't want me i care. I said, this is my dream to play for you.
But now if you're going to be a dickhead, then fuck off. I don't want to be no part of it.
Yeah. You know, and I said, as a matter of fact, I'm going to go get ice on my shoulder and my back and my knee.
And I said, when I come back, I said, if you're here, I said, I'm going to beat the shit out of you. And he gets up.
He gets right in my face. And he's like, I'm not afraid of you.
I go, we'll find out in a few minutes. I went in there and I put ice, elbow, shoulder, back, knee.
And I come out and he's sitting right there. And I go, son of a bitch.
I go, you still here, you motherfucker? I started ripping shit off of me. He got up, out the door he went.

I chased him.

And Strawberry was hiding behind a pillar.

Wow, this guy's fucking out of his mind.

He's like crazy.

Oh, man. He went out, and then I felt really bad about it.

But it is what it is.

I was hot, and you say stuff when you're pissed off.

And so like two days later, during the game, I'm walking up into into the clubhouse and the phone rings right outside of Torrey's office and I pick it up and I go Yankee Stadium second base can I help you he goes who is this and I knew right who it was I go you called me who's this he goes this is George Steinbrenner god damn it I said hey George itomer. I go, hey, I just want to apologize for the other day.
I should have not done that. That was not cool.
So I really, really feel bad. And I go, I apologize.
He goes, you wait right there. And he came down from his office.
He came down, and we went in Joe's office, and we hashed it out. He gives me a big old hug, kiss on the cheek.
He goes, you're my guy. Oh, I like that.
But I think you had to do that. Yeah, right.
You had to challenge him. Yeah.
Because if he had you, you're done. Well, everybody that he deals with in his day-to-day life just rolls over for him.
Yeah. So if you are a guy that stands up, he'll probably respect that.
So I told everybody, fucking talk shit to him. Get in his face.
Do that. Challenge him.
Do all that. But not everybody's me.
Did anyone else do that? I don't know. I don't think so.
I don yeah yeah you know at least you give them a little bit of advice yeah yeah you don't want to get rolled over it's like you know the same crap happened to me in toronto you know the front office always always messed with me and i think that's why i became a really you know bad boy of baseball because of the fact that they treated me like shit. And it was like, they were always worried about my, if I was, you know, I was 195 and they wanted me to be 185.
I'm like, I'm already skinny. I'm 6'4".
I'm skinny as hell. Yeah.
I go, no. And then I'm 205.
They want me to be 200. So they'd find me $100 a day.
And I didn't have $100 to pay. I was low man on the totem pole on that payroll.
So it just really sucked. So Pat Gillick and Gord Ash were always messing with me.
And finally one day I just said, fuck you guys. I said, I want to be a starter or a reliever.
I'm not doing both. Right.
I said, I'll be happy to do one or the other. Because when Dave Steeb went down, I spot started 15 games right and then he comes back i go right to the bullpen right so i was just like whatever so yeah so i just i went out and then they released me and that probably like that toronto the start of your career probably set the tone a little bit for why you got traded for the rest of my career yeah for the rest of your career but it also is why you were able to survive being like, hey, I know I can do this.

Yeah.

Like, fuck off.

Yeah, that's why everybody wanted me in the playoffs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was a big game pitcher, so you give me the ball.

I'm not afraid.

What is it about a big game pitcher?

Because there's something special about it, like,

in all sports.

Yeah, no, but, like, watching, like, you know,

there's been a ton of guys throughout history,

but, like, even I'm thinking, like, more recently,

like a John Lesser or a Madison Bumgarner where it's like Kurt Schilling it doesn't matter what what their season look like if they have to win a game they're going to win a game Andy Pettit's probably the best big game pitcher I've ever seen you know in my career he just that guy just he knew how to win Kurt Schilling's another guy he he stepped up to the plate in big games and that's where

you want to be. You want to be on the biggest stage

and take authority

and walk off that in the ninth

inning with a badass

with your chest out and just

here you go everybody.

That's what I just did to your team. That's what

you want. That's the mentality that you want.

A lot of guys are going

third or fourth inning looking in the dugout going come get me right you know that's just not how it is there's guys that that just step up and there's guys that don't so you're talking about the butterflies earlier like would you you would still get those butterflies before a big game you just lean into them yeah how would you make how do you make those butterflies your friend you just you just go out there and make your pitches i knew i could i could throw i could hit a nat's ass at 60 feet six inches nine out of ten times i had good control you know i had control with every pitch so i threw strikes so you just try to make your pitches know what guys can beat you you know and and pitch to your strength i know i didn't look at the at the at the uh scouting reports you know i would do it from time to time just to appease somebody but i already knew what i was doing i pitched to my strengths not what some scouting report tells me to do you know if it's somebody i don't know that just got called up then i'll go look at it just to see what their yeah what their scouting report is but to me it was still i just my strengths. What about your catchers? When your catchers are calling a game, are you a guy that would shake off a lot of signs or they knew what you wanted to throw? Nope.
I made sure they knew what I threw in every count in the pitch. You know, every pitch in the count, excuse me.
And so to me, they had to think with me because I hated to shake off. Now, if I had a scuffed ball, then they put number two down.
I'm like, no, no, no, no. We're going number one because I can make that ball move that much inside and out.
So I'd rather do that and not speed up their bat when they're looking for something off speed. Yeah.
But, yeah, because if you get a scuffed ball, I remember early in my career, I'd get i'd throw them back yeah what a dumb ass i was i don't know i was just green behind the ears yeah then i got a little older and and you know talked to the veteran guys and they tell you and then you start working with and it's like oh my god now they throw every ball out yeah yeah it's it's it's crazy if it hits the dirt yeah it's out so you're pitching in you know the 90s early 2000s height of the steroid era did you know at the time you're like these guys are juicing and like they're what guys were doing them right and what guys weren't right and you know it's just i i look back now i go fuck i wish i would have done them yeah to be honest with you that's an honest answer i i wish i would have because i i don't think i would have i think i would have done them. Yeah.
To be honest with you. That's an honest answer.
I wish I would have because I don't think I would have – I think I would have gained velocity, you know. I think in that aspect, so with my ability to throw strikes, I think it would have made me a lot better.
You know, I think injuries, you know, these little aches and pains you get, you know, the dead arm period and stuff like that that you get. So it's like, you know, that might have been a big difference for me but yeah but no i never did them so you know but to me it sucks that the guys that did them that didn't need to do them yeah and you know i guess so i guess i would say allegedly they did but you know we all know what guys did them and so to me but you know that that's just a thing.
So, you know, I look at it in my situation. I pitched in a steroid era, and I could have probably had, you know, 15, 20 more wins because of it.
So that puts me at, you know, at two. Close to 300, right? Yeah.
Well, no, I had 239, so 260, 270. Yeah.
But if the Blue Jays would have left me a starter my whole career, that's why I wish I would always play for the Braves because they always brought their guys up and they just let them go. And that's how they learned.
And that's why they were very good staff all those years. So if you take 10 wins, if you just take 10 wins a year for those six years they stuck me in the bullpen, you know, that's 60 wins.
Yeah. That's 300.
Now you're getting 300, yeah. I'm in the Hall of Fame.
Yeah, that's true. So was there ever a moment or maybe a home run or a moment in a game where you're like, fuck, this is crazy what these guys are doing? I mean, when a guy that normally doesn't hit a home run off you and he's going 20 rows deep oppo, that pisses you off.
Yeah. Because you know they're doing it.
And, you know, it's just you see their bodies change, and it's just like, okay, here we go. He's got to make your pitches.
But even that pitch that you normally get them out on, they're, you know, they're so strong now. I know.
It's just like, great. But, you know, it is what it is.
Yeah. And, you know, do I think those guys should be in the Hall of Fame? No.
You don't. Because I didn't do them.
They don't belong in it. And there's guys that think that they should.
And I call bullshit on that because it shouldn't be that situation. And here's a case with Andy Pettit.
And when him and Roger, I guess Roger gave it to him or whatever it was, whoever their trainer was at the time, and Andy was hurt. So I think he did.
I don't know what it was that he did. I think it was the cream maybe.
But whatever he did, he was doing it to come back faster, you know, whatever it was. And I think if it was under a doctor's supervision from guys that got injured and if it's a healing process and it gets them over them and they get them back on the field that i would be fine with that i think that would be that would be okay but it would have to be obviously it would have to go as a league rule and then doc the doctors the team doctors and it's documented then sure why wouldn't you do that and then him in the hall.
Because Andy Pettit, he's a Hall of Famer in my eyes, but that one little mishap might screw him for the rest of his life. So you're a baseball historian.
You collect a bunch of stuff. The game that you wore, Babe Ruth's hat was pretty awesome.
Don't you think it's crazy though that Barry Bonds like you

is not in the Hall of Fame he's one of if not the best baseball player of all time and you can go through the history of baseball like there's all these guys that pre you know uh 1950s didn't play against black players they didn't play like the best competition so you don't think that's crazy that they shouldn't they should be in the Hall of Fame well you gotta tell the history of the game good or bad. Well, sure.
But the thing is, if they did steroids and they're linked to them,

so it's like, you know, I don't know. And they're both great guys.
They're both great guys, but, you know, to me, when you're linked to it and everybody knows, then it's like, you know, I don't know about the committee, what the committee's thinking committee's thinking but it's the writers and eventually they're probably going to get in because the writers will get younger and they'll realize well yeah but there there are a lot of stupid ass writers oh yeah that don't need to be writing and they should not have a vote yeah the voting process for baseball it's stupid it's crazy didn't arch eater not get 100 well and that's the thing because there's one guy yeah i forgot his name and this is the bs part of it all is that everything's secretive to them and they keep going to derrick and derrick has to answer all these questions and derrick's like why don't you go to the guy who didn't vote for me right but they're saying well we don't know who it is well they hide behind their pencil they behind it and that's bs they're a bunch of i mean we call them pussies yeah yeah all day long and maybe a few others because they're such afraid of their own shadow but they could sit there and write bs about you your whole career and they not like you so they're not going to vote for you but that one guy from what i hear doesn't like to vote for guys their first year yeah it's ridiculous exactly it's like

keeping some idea of baseball perfection that doesn't exist yeah rivera was another one where it's like he got it he's the great he didn't get 100 he didn't get 100 right i don't think he did he get 100 i think he did who got 100 i think he was the only one that got it right for him but yeah he might have been the only one but like that's the one where gator same way he's a stud But, you a lot of these guys i mean that that has been had to wait and wait or wait a year and then they get in the next year put them in i think the same thing happened to roberto alomar rivera got 100 all right yeah so like he was the only one he i think he had to wait a year and then he got in he was a stud right one of the best players i've ever seen best best infielder i've ever seen ken griffey jr probably the best outfielder i've ever seen yeah but there's a couple guys behind him that were just as good yeah but uh but yeah you see guys like that but you know they didn't get caught doing anything you know to me it's like how do you not put bernie williams in the hall of fame yeah how do you not put kenny lofton in the hall of fame you know they had great numbers they had they have hall of fame numbers that's why you got a douchebag uh uh what's the commissioner yeah commissioner yeah yeah rob manfred i just i think he hates baseball so he's just screwing it up while his tenure is still going yeah he's gonna see how much he could fuck it up so wait what guy had a guy they had a they should have booted him years ago what don't you like about today's game everything okay i like that i knew that whenever i asked i don't watch it i don't watch baseball anymore seriously i haven't watched it in five years have you seen the bigger bases though the only time i've watched baseball is my buddy chuck down in san diego because he's a big padre fan and i and I've gone to maybe two games in five years. So I can't.
I lied. I've watched two games in five years.
Do you have the card that gets you into every game? Yes. That is one of the coolest things.
So can you explain it? When you retire? Ten years. If you play ten years in the big leagues, you get a gold card that you can walk up to any stadium at any time, and you get walked right in.

You get two of the best tickets available.

That's awesome.

That's very cool.

Yeah, but I don't use yours.

Can I have it?

Can we have it?

Give it to us.

You got to find my kids.

My kids want it.

Do they use it?

They've used it before, yeah.

You get, like, snacks and drinks with that or just tickets?

No, no, just tickets.

That's so cool, though, just be able to walk up, like, want to go to a game?

Okay.

Well, you know how much tickets are nowadays, so they're ahead of the game. So what would you do to fix baseball? I would get rid of the clock.
Okay. I'd get every analytic guy out of there.
Fire all the nerds. Yeah.
All the nerds. Drop them off in the middle of the lake and let them swim in.
Okay. Kill all the nerds.
All right. You know, because here's the thing.
They're the guys that are making all the calls and everything and giving it to the GMs or whatever, and then they're going off of that. It's like all that shit has been there since day one of baseball.
It just took a couple cronies to go back there, crunch numbers, Billy being one of them, you know, with the money ball. it's just a lot there's some validity to a lot of it but a computer doesn't tell you it doesn't have a heartbeat so it doesn't do that you throw you if you throw over first base the third time he gets to go to second okay what part of that don't i get guy on second in extra innings because they want to speed the game up you don't want to go to the for nine innings? Get the hell out.
Who cares? That's up to you. Don't try to speed the game up.
The integrity of the game is what it was. Would you ever try to throw, like, pickoff pitches to first base just to piss off the fans when they started to boo you? You know what? Sparky Anderson was the man doing that.
He would have you throw over six times in a row. fans are booing like crazy especially and then they're and you know in the visiting one and they would just he would do it but there's a reason for that because they want to see they want to try to you know they want to try to see if the play with their hand if he's going to turn around and bunt try to get the guy over right so there's reasons for all that stuff right you know but now these kids nowadays they don't have to think for themselves because they got these analytic guys that are doing all the thinking for them and it's like learn how to play ball and grow a sack let's go i like that i like that bring back small ball steal some bases yeah i mean you don't see it anymore you can see it in today's game like the i know they've made a lot of rule changes some good some bad but like they're the averages batting averages are down so insanely where like no one's hitting you know over 300 right and it's like the you know the game the action of the game that's what people want to see and i know that i i actually agree with like banning the shift because i did think the shift like that just became ridiculous when a guy would hit you know what that guy needs to make an adjustment okay all right make the adjustment i'm not i had no problem with that it used to piss me off because then they'd hit it the other way hit it down the line i mean did i like it no but i don't think they should have took it out i mean the hitters are good enough you got to give them credit because they know how to hit bad pitches you know you don't need uh an analytics guy to tell you you know this is that they just learned it did robin young

guys like that paul molitor you know george brett all these guys that you know were pure hitters hall of fame hitters they figured it out dave winfield all these guys you go down the line from the 60s 70s or the 70s 80s and 90s 2000 then before the analytics these guys learn how to hit They pay attention.

All you got to do is pay attention.

I watched the hitters.

They watched the hitters. They watch us.
Tony Gwynn. Tony Gwynn.
You know, they pity. Wade Boggs.
Don Mattingly. Did you ever go out with Wade Boggs? Oh, yeah.
Who would end the night? He would, I would end the night. You would out drink Wade? Not in beers.
Yeah? the story goes when he drinks 70 beers on a cross-country trip one time. I've seen it.
Do you believe that? I've seen it. Yeah? Yeah, I've seen it.
And not get up to pee once. That's even more impressive.
Jesus. It was like six beers.
That's more impressive. Six beers in the clubhouse after the game, right? And then he'd have another six-pack on the bus.
A lot of guys would do that, but he was the king. But it worked for him.
He's there the next day, early, first guy there, hitting, getting his work in, eating his chicken, whatever it may be. And Wade was awesome.
Yeah, it seems like a very cool hang. You mentioned Roger Clemens earlier, and then that reminded me.
You obviously have had run-ins with every manager that you've been involved with. Roger Clemens managed you for a day.
He did. We were in Maine about a month ago, three weeks ago, at a tournament.
We were golfing. It was Ben Higgins, Roger, and I.
And we were playing, and Roger brought that up. I go, son, because when I looked up, I'm like, what the hell are you doing out here? But Torrey gave him manager of the day because he was, you know, I don't know if it was towards the end of – it was, I guess, a veteran status.
It was, you know, it was a great gesture on Joe's part to do that. But it was – I didn't expect it.
And he comes out there, and I'm like, because normally I don't want to come out of a game. Right.
But it was pretty cool. Roger did.
Let me tell you, Roger's one of the funniest dudes you'll ever meet. His isms, excuse me, his isms, and he's got a lot of one-liners.
He keep you on your toes. Yeah.
We had battles and all that over the years. We talked a lot of crap to one another, you know, over the years.
But I'll tell you I'll tell you, he's down there. He's a good guy.
I would think that if he was trying to take you out of a game, though, you'd be like, get the fuck back in the dugout, Roger. Trust me, I think I said that.
But he's a bigger boy than me, so I'm not going to give him too much shit. Talking about old school baseball, if a teammate of yours got hit, were you kind of excited, like, I'm going to give him justice back? anybody you don't want to hit you just protect your teammates right you protect them and you just so my rule of thumb was hit the first guy yeah big small it doesn't matter you hit the first guy and just try to you know squash it and i remember in toronto doug linton hit like three or four guys and i'm like well my rule of thumb and first guy up albert bell oh no i go oh son of a big dad so i said you know what piss on it and first pitch smoked him he just dropped the bat and stared at me i'm like oh boy that's scary i go it's on yeah it's coming he just he walked all the way to first base and stared at me the whole time and so obviously thank god i was a lefty yeah because i got him right here on my side and i'm like doing i think like two pitches later double play yeah so it was he he wasn't a very fast runner but then he's walked he's got to come by the mound i'm just kind of i stepped away from the mound just to see what he was going to do and i watched him walk all the way into the dugout and he went over to doug linton and grabbed him by his throat and just started shaking i was like that's a man that knows baseball that's because he knows that guy got hurt yeah i remember that clip i didn't i didn't remember the reason why he grabbed his teammate by the throat because right they were talking about that smart player he just had bad you know temper well no he just antics from like he'll run like 20 yards past you know ground ball he'll run 20 yards past first base and then off with the helmet leave it there and make the first base I know yeah that kind of there was there's a egg like a Halloween yeah well he got he got mad no he got mad this is in Baltimore there's a lot of punks out there he got mad because um no it wasn't it wasn't but he got mad because some kids egged his house yeah and then i think he chased him like on a bike which is scary kicked our ass yeah oh i've done that have you i've done that kids egging and toilet paper in your house oh hell yeah what do you say to him when we had a catch because my wife bought me a pitcher and a catcher big bronze in the front yard she bought that for me years ago and a halloween kids took it and they took it like three blocks away and put them in somebody else's yard i found out who the kids was he scared the daylights out of them you chase them down i chased them down but i didn't get them they pilled off and i chased the wrong kids because i didn't know because they had golf carts and they had our thing yeah but i did get some of the kids that were there and they were scared shitless, but they're little kids.
But you grab them and you're just like, you know, I'm going to kill you, I'm going to beat your ass and all that. But then we found out who it was.
You went over there and you just have a talking and say, you know what, I see you on my property again, I'm going to shoot you. Getting chased down by David Wells is not something I want to have fun.
I wouldn't shoot a little kid okay but like but if he's an adult yeah he's 18 or over you know you're gonna get your ass i love that there was nowadays you shoot him because our whole world's going to shit but but back in the end he just beat the shit out of him there was i got my ass kicked plenty times so back at you uh one time albert bell got hit by a pitch and then he told the ump it didn't hit him because he wanted to stay in the box and try to hit home run. Yeah.
One of the all-time moments. Smart guy.
Yeah. A lot of guys did that.
I didn't hit me. Was there any hitter that you – I don't want to say you were afraid of because you obviously – I don't think you're the kind of guy that was – They're afraid of anybody.
Afraid of anyone. But was there a hitter that you respected or had your number? Mo Vaughn.
Yeah. Mo Vaughn.
Great swing. Son of a bitch.
I couldn't get him out. So I finally told him, I said, Mo, I love you, buddy, but, you know, if there's anybody on, I'm just going to hit you.
He goes, why? He's like, because I can't get you out. I said, and you're a liability on first base.
You can't run for shit. So, you know, advantage me.
Yeah. But, yeah, I think he hit, like, eight or nine home runs off me career.
I'm like, I just tipped my cap. And when he would turn on a pitch.
I tried to take him out and get him drunk. He could drink.
He didn't care. He was in that lineup the next day.
Who was the most underrated player you played with or against that you're like, he deserves more credit? Oh, my God. Jeez.
I mean, Paul O'Neal, you know, he – He had a temper, too. I think he was – I used to love sitting at the end of the bench and he just beat the shit out of that water bottle.
Water jug. I just sit there and get a laugh out of it.
But he, I mean, he made a good name for himself, but I think he's got good numbers and all that stuff. But, yeah, he's a stud.
But, I mean, there's so many guys. You played with so many guys, yeah.
I did. 21 years and nine teams, there's a lot of guys.
Yeah. You know, that played a lot.
You know, a lot of guys. There was just a lot of guys yeah you know that that played a lot you know a lot of guys there was just a lot of gamers i mean to me it's just hard to pick them all out yeah what was your favorite uh city you played for not counting the yankees because i know obviously you know you loved babe ruth and well san diego because i'm from san diego i got to play there but uh you know believe it or not you know because of the greatest manager of all time sparky anderson i love detroit yeah but to me it was just playing for that guy and just getting the knowledge that he gives you you know he helped me tremendously yeah yeah what was different about him than every other manager that you had he cared for he cared about you he wanted you to succeed but he's just so wise and his wisdom and you know he would just tell you We'd sit.
Come here. Sit next for you.
He cared about you. He wanted you to succeed.
But he's just so wise in his wisdom, and he would just tell you, we'd sit, come here, sit next to me. And he'd just say, watch these hitters and all that.
And he'd just explain stuff to you. But he would do it with everybody on the team.
You know, Joe Torre was that circle of trust, and we were way the hell up here. We weren't even close.
He didn't treat everybody the same. cito gaston you know i hated him as a manager i love him as a person but we never saw eye to eye we got it we went got into it um but you know i didn't i don't i didn't think he treated everybody fair um you know there's a few managers that didn't jim fergozi was a great manager he was was a player's manager.
But, you know, Bruce Boach, he was great. You know, a lot of good managers, but there's just some that just didn't really.
I wouldn't. I don't think I could have played for Tony La Russa because he was kind of the same way.
Could have partied with him. What's that? Could have partied with him.
I probably wouldn't have, though. But, you know, I respected him as a man.

A lot of guys liked him, but I wasn't a big fan just watching him

and hearing all the horror stories about it.

But, you know, he's a legend.

He did a lot of good things for the game of baseball.

What about umpires?

Did you get along with some of them?

Some.

Very few.

Yeah.

But some, but I hated the rest of them.

Who was your most hated?

Al Clark. Okay.
A Douchebag of all time. He was terrible.
Kenny Kaiser, he was a tough son of a bitch. I got in a few altercations with him.
Did you ever try to make nice with him? Just like smooth things over, see if that worked for him? You tried to. You tried to.
Tim McClellan, the guy who called my perfect game. He was terrible.
Terrible on part. Terrible.
But that day he was good? Yeah, he had no choice. I was good too.
What about Joe West? Did you ever get in with him? Cowboy Joe, he was, I just, he's one that kind of intimidated me because. Really? Yeah, because you just do that and he just was like you know i i run into joe from time to time and you know i just just keep your mouth shut because you're not going to last long with joe you know and he's a big boy that's the one man that you're afraid of is joe west flip the script on you a little bit a little bit but you know i i respected him but he? For me, I threw strikes.
So with these umpires, they changed their strike zone late in the game, and that was a strike early in the game, and then it's not. That's where I had the problem.
Right. What do you think about robot umps? No, I think because, you know, if you look back and you look at replay, they get it right, like, a high percentage of the time.

They do get it right.

But they do get it wrong.

And that's what I think replay should, you know, comes in.

You know, they do that.

But to me it's, you know, as much as I hate umpires, I would say, yeah,

but I think it just takes the integrity away from the game.

The human element, yeah.

Yes.

What's the meanest thing you said to an ump that got you kicked out or a story about getting kicked out of a game call him a piece of shit or something like that that's it yeah not me i really didn't i got kicked out of not a whole lot of games but a few just you know just for just calling them calling them out showing them up and that's one thing that they didn't like yeah yeah yeah what about when you were batting when you went up i hated the bat did you you were what 123 career something around maybe lower who knows yeah would you like make an effort going to the box or just be like i'm gonna stand here like if they called me on some crappy pitches then i'd say well i hope i get those yeah well that's the wrong thing to say because then I got, happened to me in Miami. Sheffield hit a grand slam off me.

And, but before that happened it was a situation no it was my first at bat and I had pitches I threw for strikes and that was right and then Sheffield hits a grand slam and then I come up and I'm like and then he calls a pitch like that far out and I go, wow. I go, I guess I threw that same pitch to Sheffield and then it should have been strike three.
Instead, I got a grand slam and I got thrown out of the game. Got thrown out.
But we got rained out, so that game didn't count. Oh, there you go.
So Sheffield's granny didn't, and I tell him that all the time. That's perfect.
That's one grand slam you'll never get back, my boy. That's perfect.
All uh all right so we this has been awesome we got a couple last questions uh by the way we are at the american century championship like i said uh awesome this is the 35th annual championship uh of celebrity golf and they've raised uh eight million for charity uh it's awesome event ton of people here who do you think knowing all the golf games who who is the best golfer you've played with here that has a chance to actually win? I mean, you look at Marty Fish. He's on fire right now.
He won in Maine. I love Mark Mulder.
He's a stud. He's won it here a few times.
He's fun to watch. Is Smoltee playing? Smoltee is.
I talked to Smoltee yesterday, and I go, how are you playing? He goes, I'm playing really well. But, you know, I just put, you know, because they're low odds.
Try to find someone who's got better odds and you throw a couple hundred bucks. Yeah.
You know, you got some good beer money. But, yeah, those guys right there are, you know, you want to see win.
But I like watching the underdogs guys that just come from behind and, you know, get lucky. A lot of pitchers on that list.
Marty is just so good. He's just so – and he hits it so far, and he's spot on.
He's just very seldom does he make a mistake out there. Yeah, yeah.
That's the thing. Yeah.
The other question I had was the trainers you mentioned, your weight. Would you ever pay off the trainers to make them change your weight? Damn straight I did.
What would you give them? I'd take care of them. Yeah? I'd take care of them.
And just be like, hey, make sure you change that number a little bit? Yeah, or I would doctor. So the old school scales that you do the bottom and then you do the top.
Well, back here they had a, underneath thing so i would so before i'd weigh-ins i would go in there when they weren't looking i would hit that son of a bitch and i would put it to like two pounds to the t to where i get on there and they see it and they go okay you're under and then i was doing that i would just had hit it back i love that oh yeah. Did you ever take, like, the diet aspect seriously? Because I know there was an article that you weren't thrilled about in Sports Illustrated at one point.
Well, I never did the story. So that Jeff guy, whoever they wanted, did the rocker.
Yeah. He followed me around for two weeks.
Told him to get the hell away from me. He was a douchebag.
So I just, so, no. But that was a story that was blemished or whatever.
But, you know, I was a big dude. The reason why I didn't care about my weight or anything is when we had the strike in 94, it really pissed me off because we had a few of them.
That's another 10, 15 wins maybe. Yeah, and so, and I went through what, what, three, four strikes? And to me it was just the owners didn't care, so I didn't care.

So piss on them.

And I actually, it benefited me because I got better.

Yeah.

I got better.

And they're like, you don't look good on the face. I don't give a shit what I look like.

What is the result is what you want to look at, not what I look like.

I don't have to look good in the lobby.

You just got to win games.

Fat guys win too, you know.

That's a good point.

I always tell them, I'm fat, you're ugly, and I can diet. So have a nice day.
You know, you don't run the ball to the plate. But for a big guy, I still feel my position.
Yeah. Yeah, so to me, that was something that I didn't care.
But then, you know, but as you get older, and I see the reasoning, as you get older, your body breaks down. And, you know, like I said, I need a knee surgery.
Just had my shoulder down. But I would see my knees and my back for my weight, but not my shoulder.
Yeah. I mean, you still played 21 years.
Yeah, I threw a lot of pitches. Yeah.
I mean, the longevity, I think, speaks for itself. You just had the shoulder done.
Do you think you could still dial it up now, though? Like, how fast did you pitch? I mean, I couldn't break a window from two feet the last 12 years i couldn't throw a ball from here to the back of the room and now i can throw a ball to the back of the room but i'm just not 100 still i'm like 60 65 you know i can get out there and golf and swing it and it's fine but you know throwing to me to throw there so like on 17 this week i can go out there and now i can throw a ball back for the last you know five throwing, to me to throw there. So, like, on 17 this week, I could go out there and now I could throw a ball back.
For the last, you know, five, six years, I just walked down there and I'm getting booed because I can't throw the ball back to him. So now I can throw a football back to him.
I can throw a baseball, whatever. You know, and to me, I'm back.
Yeah, that's big time. And be able to throw it 30, 40 feet, I'm back.
You're talking yourself down. Let's pencil David Wilson as a dark horse this week.
No. Yes.
Don't do it. Please don't do that.
Save your money. No.
No. Save your money.
Come on. Why not you? Dude, there's a bunch of hookers walking down the street.
They're pretty hot. Save your money.
Go get a hooker. If you win, I will get a hooker.
How about that? Well, I hope I don't win so you don't get one. I'm not going to say what I'm going to do with a hooker.
You can't get it on your own, boy. There's something wrong with you.
No, I'll just talk to her. She'll be my therapist for an hour.
Yeah, I bet. I bet you you don't last an hour.
You'll be a three-pump chump. You'll be a three-pump chump.
They got skills. Dude, I can last so long in bed you don't understand.
Why do you think they're there for me? Because they got mad skills. They're professionals.
Professionals. As we progress through the season, every fan knows that big wins are hard to come by and tough losses are even harder to accept.
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Based on the February 2024 Nielsen Report, learn more at discover.com slash credit card. All right, so my last question.
That was good. Thank you.
Appreciate that. You're a collector of some really cool memorabilia in baseball history.

What's your most prized possession or what's the one thing that you're like,

this is the thing I just love looking at?

Well, I have a ball here, and it's Babe Ruth.

I got Hank Aaron.

I got Barry Bonds to sign it.

I'm going to get Albert Pujols when he's there.

Wow.

700 home run club. I wish A-Rod would have got it because then that would have been five guys.
Yeah. But four, I thought he was going to get it.
It's a bummer he didn't. But to have four 700 home run guys on a ball, it's the only one.
That's incredible. It's the only one in existence that I know of.
Yeah. I mean, they're not going to make one of those.
Nope. And I have another baseball that's got Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth on it.
Wow. And those signatures are awesome on it.
Yeah. Because when Hank Aaron says, are you sure you want me? He's like, damn straight, I want you.
That's incredible. Because it's just cool.
I have a bunch of Babe Ruth baseballs, just solo ones. And then Hank Aaron balls, I have solo.
How pissed was Joe Torre when he wore the Babe Ruth hat? Which is cool. You wore the same hat that Babe Ruth wore in Yankee Stadium to pitch the first inning.
So mad. He fined me $2,500.
Why? Told him a tool and all that. Because he's a tool.
No, no. I'm saying, why was he mad? It makes no sense.
That's what I said. I said, don't be so shallow, Joe.
I said, if anybody would have respected it, it should have been you. Right.
Because you're such a big baseball and a New York fan, a Yankee fan. And he did that.
He just hated me. Yeah.
So that's the reason why. Yeah, that seems like something he should have loved.
That's the most respectful thing you could do with that hat. As long as you win.
If David Cohen wore it, he would have been fine. How'd you do in that inning? I got out of it.
And when I took it off, I didn't get out of the third inning. Yeah.
Yeah, so you should have kept it on. It jinxed me.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. Well, Boomer, this has been awesome, man.
We loved having you on. You are a legend.
And I appreciate it. And go win this tournament this weekend.
I'm just going to go have fun. No expectations.
What's your goal for shooting this weekend? For three – 15 points. Okay.
Yeah, 15 points. Okay.
I'll be happy with 15 points. What does that mean? In the good.
Okay. Not behind.
Not where Charles Barkley and Cable Guy and those guys are at. Yeah.
I want to be in the positive, not the negative. Okay.
We can make that happen. You can win it.
I can. I played really well last year.
You need to believe in yourself. Trust me.
I believe in myself, but I don't have as many rounds as these other guys do. Maybe we get some.
So now I got full rotation, and I don't know what to do with it. My body's all jacked up.
We don't have to include this in the podcast, but what if we got you some steroids? You said you always wish that you'd done them. I can take whatever the hell I want now.
What if we got some old Hells Angels guys to just roll up when your competition is teeing off? So I just go and just scare the shit out of everybody? Yeah, just a little rev the engine right before. Well, I don't think they would scare anybody now.
They're all old guys. That's true.
These guys are in their like 70s, 80s now.

They're on mopeds.

I'd have to get

the younger generation.

Yeah.

They got the rascal scooters

that they're driving around.

Yeah.

Really in the chopper bunch.

Yeah.

If you could read this,

the bitch fell off on the back.

No.

You know,

there's guys out here

that are just so good.

Yeah.

I saw Adam.

I keep saying Thiessen. Adam Thielen so adam thielen great and he's he's a sleeper to win he wants to win too yeah and i on uh on the 10th hole today he hit he hit a little iron and he hit about 300 down the middle i'm like oh boy and that and that well exceeds my driver.
My driver's like 250, 260.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

You can do it.

Well, boomer.

I appreciate the confidence.

Yeah.

Thank you so much, man.

Yep.

We appreciate it.

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Okay, let's finish off with Pardon Your Take.

Who's reading them?

I am.

Alright, you're gonna nail this.

Hey, Dad Cat, Balding PFT,

Summertime Hank, Loser Max,

and Jetman Memes.

I'm not balding, I'm bald. Would you rather...
Don't say... You can't...
That's my culture. Yeah, there's a lot of bald people that would be very upset about that.
I'm not bald yet. Would you rather have to get a tattoo of your rival team every time they win a championship, but know your team would win one championship at some point in your lifetime, or have hope every year until getting bounced in the first round of the playoffs and have a too early championship tattoo not pan out.
I would say getting the tattoo for your rival because who's the commander's biggest rival? The Cowboys? Yeah. So I'm fine with that.
Well, could you do it, if you could do it anywhere, like you just, if I had a Packers tattoo on the bottom of my foot, I think you'd probably,

and you get one guaranteed Super Bowl?

I mean, any of these are like,

hey, one guaranteed Super Bowl.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

What would you say, Hank?

Nah, not at this point.

You have too many.

Yeah.

You got backup championships.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, you won backup championships. I mean, if it would be New York, it's like they haven't they can't even make the playoffs they have 12 teams a fucking state uh fuck three down football but the nfl should introduce cfl pre-snap motion rules to allow receivers to take running starts not only when it opened up the game but it would inevitably take us one step closer having a football savant come in with rugby like plays that would change the game forever okay i like that imagine a qb and shotgun with two backs plus tight ends and rbs on either side of him able to run either direction go lateral madness wait i don't i can't imagine what he just said i don't even understand also i i think in the cfl you only can have one guy right you can have one guy and i think he gets like five yards You can't imagine it? You just can't imagine it? No.

Have you ever watched a CFL game? I'm trying. I'm trying.
Hank, you're thinking of everybody. It's just watching a snap, and then everyone's moving.
Yeah, I guess. I think that's what they kind of do.
That's what they do. That's what Tyreek Hill does every fucking play.
There's a guy in motion. But no the in cfl you can literally run and like run towards the line of scrimmage so you you're like full that's what tyree kill does every time he runs sideways sideways and then you bend it at the last second right got it do you know i'll have to watch i'm a visual learner i'm a visual i i like it in theory but it's like so hard defenses already.
It's just adding another thing that would suck for them. Yeah, you'd have to give them something.
Yeah. Like if one defender got a knife.
Yeah. Yeah.
Then one defender got to be offsides once every four downs. Yeah.
Yeah. That would be awesome.
Remember when you do that like in Madden, you just stand next to the kicker to the holder. Yeah.
And even though you'd get called offsides, you just fucking block the shit out of it. It actually might be a good idea if you're allowed to have every receiver in motion, then you have a snap count and you have to snap it on zero.
Yeah. So the linemen know exactly when the ball is going to be snapped.
Yeah. Okay.
Everyone envisions themselves as a pro athlete at some point or time. So if you could choose any moment in sports history to actually live out, what would it be and why? Also go Giants.
Our time is coming. I think I would want to be Jesse Owens and just win gold medals right in Hitler's face.
I don't know. And then you come back to the U S no, you don't let me finish really a hero.
You didn't let me finish. Of all the people.
Of all the people. I would kill Hitler while I was there.
Kill Hitler. I would like to be part of the 1980 Olympic team.
Because then you're a legend forever. Yeah.
Those guys are all pretty damn good. Good point.
That's pretty damn good. No, but they didn't also have to face insane amounts of racism and probably live tough.
He's a hero, but that's a tough life. I think we're just talking about the sporting event, right? Yeah.
I don't know. Any moment in sports history to actually live out, what would it be and why? Yeah.
Super Bowl maybe. I'm trying to think.
What would be... I'd Joe Carter walk off home run.
That's pretty good. Win the World Series.
But would would you do the same i would be pretty sick would you do the same like skip dance that he did afterwards no definitely not that was kind of weird yeah i would yeah maybe walk off home run to win the world that'd be sick that would be fucking awesome actually i don't want to i don't want to make this guy well the the uh joe carter home run was against phillies so i don't want to make this guy. Well, the Joe Carter home run was against the Phillies,

so I don't want to make Max happy,

but Chris Jenkins hitting a three to win March Madness is pretty fucking sick.

That's pretty sick.

Like any buzzer beater, any final second to win a championship is insane.

Yep.

Lins Sanity. All right, we'll end with this.
Was that a dig? No, that'd be cool. At New York Sports Culture? That was a great moment.
It was basically a banner. Yeah.
Like, yeah, he captured the hearts of the world. that'd be fun yeah um last one is the celebratory teammate ass slap disappearing from sports no we might have to ask some of the guys this week i don't think so they we need we need to know from you know the players that are on the field we'll ask blake and josh what sports you think has the highest amount of ass slaps? I think it's baseball.

Baseball for sure.

Baseball for sure.

Football probably second.

But yeah, football is definitely up there.

Yeah, football. But baseball, that's how they shake hands.

Yeah.

WNBA.

Do they ass slap?

I don't know. Why not? What if they tit slapped? Chest bump.
Yeah. Chest bump.
Has there ever been a WNBA player who got hurt from that? They probably don't do it. Yeah, they do the side hip thing.
Side one, yeah. It'd be like if we did dick bumps.
Actually, chest bumps might be gone. no one doesn't straight up chest to chest chest

bump that's not cool anymore i think baseball's got the most celebrations for everything like those guys chest bump ass slap handshake that's that's just their day-to-day lives yeah that's true uh okay great show boys uh let's kick it back to ourselves in studio for numbers okay let's wrap up the show numbers eight 20

19 56 19 to make you mad that i take 20 max you went 19 nick i'm i'm at a position where i'm fucked either way because if 56 or 20 show up yeah you really shouldn't it doesn't matter have you ever gotten it max three no shane i've also accepted i'm just never so that's whatever. Oh, shit.
Now that makes me think he's going to get it. Shane, what are you wearing? Chargers crew neck.
Oh. Have you made a decision? I have made a decision.
And? I just want to clarify. Is it just the Chargers team store, or it can be just like? We can find other stuff.
I'm in. Okay.
Let's go. So we'll sit down,'ll sit down you and i we could maybe do a pm tv okay and we'll just go on a fucking shopping spree yeah and then everything you buy you have to wear at least one of those pieces of clothings on any first date and do i have to like post these pictures anywhere or i would like them for my personal files just text it to you yeah you can then we'll post it word of advice you got to with Taz on it.
Yeah. Taz as a charger would be awesome.
Taz or Tweety Bird. Okay.
Yeah. I mean, you're helping me out, so.
Okay. Am I? Yeah.
You just said we're going to sit down and do it. You're going to help me pick stuff out.
Yeah, I know, but you still have to go on every first date wearing a charger or something. Wait, do you think that- It's not like I haven't done that before.
Do you think that Big Cat's going to be like your stylist here? The way he said that, he's like, you're going to help me out. We're going to sit down and we're going to.
We're literally just going to be like, I want this shirt. Okay, cool.
Yeah. Big Cat wears some nice stuff sometimes.
I'm always up for some advice. What about.
What about. I'm wearing a black shirt.
What about. All right.
Hank. Oh, Hank.
He wears a flannel. Hank, literally, you just have been wearing Barstool store stuff every day.
Druth. The Druth.
Chargers. Hank just wears championship merch today.
Barstool store stuff is great, though. Yeah, Barstool store stuff is the best.
Barstool store stuff is the best. Barstool store winning a championship.
New Coors Light Mountains are blue merch. Love is fantastic.
Shane, I have just found an incredible Chargers fedora that you could wear to one of these dates. No.
What do you mean no? I mean, you said I get to choose. I'm not going fedora on it.
Why wouldn't you go fedora? I can't go fedora on it. Class it up.
What if you go to like a jazz club? It wouldn't happen. What about Chargers pants? Yeah.
What about a bolt man costume the full bolt man i mean we're just moving the goalposts here this is well you had to expect that to happen you said you you you agreed to the deal now you're in my hands buddy you said wear one chargers thing now it's a full bolt man yeah yeah yeah no we're going to get crazy. What would be the biggest red flag for, for Shane to show up like a Jersey that a guy

shows up for a first date for on the Chargers?

I would think maybe Sean Merriman.

I don't know if that's a, I mean, maybe, maybe you're wearing a lights out Jersey to a first

date.

What about junior sale?

And you only talk about junior sales suicide the whole time.

My, that shirt I wore out the other night was a Junior Seau shirt.

It had its number on the back.

Oh, wow.

Oh, that's not as cool of a shirt I thought then.

I mean, that's disrespectful.

It was a cool shirt.

Was it?

Yeah, it was a cool shirt.

A jersey?

And also Hank said the other day that I was a double XL.

I just want to clarify.

Triple.

In case the Chargers do send something, I'm just an XL.

Triple.

It was mean.

Double XL.

Okay, number same again real quick. Triple.
It was mean. Double XL.
Okay.

Number same again real quick.

20.

19.

3.

8.

56.

21.

72.

Love you guys. Talking away I don't know what

I'm to say

I'm to say

Anyway

Today is another day

To find you

Shine away

I'll be coming for your love

Okay

Shine away

I'll be coming for your love

Okay

Take on me

Take on me

Take me on

I'll be gone

In a day of tears I'm too Thank you. It's no better to be safe and sorry Take on me

Take me on

I'll be gone

In a day of time guitar solo Thank you.