Shane Gillis In Studio, NFL Rule Changes, Shohei Speak + Mad Online

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I mean, where else can you pair wall-to-wall hoops with hard-to-find whiskey? Only at Twin Peaks, the number one sports bar. On today's part of my take, the long-awaited Shane Gillis episode.
Shane joined us in studio when he was in Chicago. Can't thank him enough.
He is the busiest man in America right now. I think he's America's podcast guest, and he was nice enough to do it.
Everyone's asked him to go on the podcast, and he was like, you know gotta do your guys so shout out shane awesome interview with shane uh we're gonna talk nfl league meetings we got new rules that are gonna be weird we'll talk a little college basketball iowa going to the sweet 16 maybe a little preview for thursday night what we got on tap we got hot seat cool throne we have mad online which also might have been pardon your take we got a little preview for Thursday night, what we got on tap. We got Hot C Cool Throne.

We have Mad Online, which also might have been Pardon Your Take.

We got a little confused with that.

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Okay, let's go.

Boy!

Boy! And then a lot of stuff worth it done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports Welcome to a part of my take presented by DraftKings Sportsbook New users can get 5 bucks, turn 5 bucks into $150 instantly In bonus bets only at DraftKings Sportsbook with code TAKE Today is Wednesday, Marchth. And PFT, we've got some new rules to be mad at.
RIP the swivel hip drop tackle. Ah, you want to start there? Let's start there.
Let's start there because as we told you on the show, the hip drop tackle, banning that would be a massive, massive mistake. I think you agree, right? Oh, it's a mistake for many reasons yeah the first reason in my mind is we have just added a rule that is going to be debated similar to can't land on the quarterback there will be a big big game decided by this the the hip drop because what is it what's the penalty now is it 15 yards i actually don't know if it's i don't either 10 they kick him out it feels like did it in the name of player safety.
They said they banned it, but we don't know what the... I don't think it's an ejection.
Yeah, it can't be an ejection, but either way, there will be a moment where this happens and it will end a drive and people are like, this is fucking bullshit, that was football. And it's just another thing in the line of NFL tinkering with the game and making it worse.
Well, they're making making it it's such a subjective call because you have to have like certain elements that are involved in the the speed that the game's played at you're gonna have referees that are like i think that was a hip drop tackle i'm not really sure and to me i think one of the biggest things they're not looking at with this is that it's it's a penalty that can be affected by the offense so like the quarterback getting landed on by a defensive player that's all on the defensive player at least right yep but if somebody's getting tackled and you're trying to fight through the tackle and you shift your weight and you hit the guy back you can throw the guy's body around and put him in a position where now he's making a hip drop tackle yes and that's the way that he brings him down to the ground at that point yes by by letter of the rule it is a hip drop tackle the other thing is you're going to have the most annoying people in the world screaming hip drop yep at the tv screenshots screenshots of hip drop tackles you're going to have people i don't want to name any names but uh we sit next to a guy on sundays named jerry when the steelers have the ball every time somebody makes a catch he's going to say hip drop yeah hip drop and not only that but to player safety so there were a couple injuries this year with hip drop tap 15 15 yards okay the hip drop tackle was used to 230 times last season okay 15 players got injured also it will be a 15 yard 15 yard penalty okay potential fines as well okay so that that's good to know because that will it will it will decide a game at some point this year uh but similar to when they changed you know helmet to helmet head hunting all that stuff which was good the like waterfall effect rundown effect is that the right word right word? Waterfall effect? Unintended consequences.

Unintended consequences.

Thank you.

The unintended consequences is guys now have to go after people low

and at their knees, and so you can't hit them above the shoulders.

You can't hit them, like, super low, but, like, there's nowhere to hit guys,

and now you're taking away another use for the defense,

making it even more difficult.

I think it's going to probably add they're taking away injuries, and there will be injuries because of this. Yeah, because think about this.
You're a defensive player. You tackle somebody around the waist.
Sometimes you end up landing on their legs, even when you're not trying to do that. So guys are, I don't know, are they going to stop trying to wrap up around the waist and instead just go for a shoestring? I don't know.
I don't know what's going to happen, but i think it's a big mistake to put a rule in place because the hip drop tackle it wasn't a thing until like a year ago year and a half ago people get injured yeah when you land on somebody's legs they probably are going to get injured but guess what you get injured playing football yes it is a violent game i also think this now makes the tight end position even more valuable because a lot of the hip drop tackles are defensive back smaller guys getting beat a little bit and trying to slow down a bigger guy with a hip drop tackle where you try to you know don't ride on top of him and let him get a couple extra yards try to stop his momentum and bring him backwards i now that you can't do that like tight ends are going to eat in the flats that's actually a good point yeah because like you how are you going to tackle a tight end right so it's like now every team should have the biggest strongest tight end that can then you can't tackle him once he gets by you or even once you get parallel you can't tackle yeah you can't how do you how do you hit a guy from behind now i don't know the nfl doesn't want guys riding dudes from behind i actually you know what it, well, actually, no, it's tripping, but it would be funny if they just started, if we just accidentally made soccer. Slide tackles.
People did slide tackles on tight ends. The refs should get cards.
They should get a yellow flag is 15 yards, a red flag is you're ejected. Yeah.
So the other rule, which is going to be weird to look at, but I'm actually in favor of this one, is they changedoff rule shout out our guy sam schwarzstein this is actually his baby he created this in the xfl they tinkered it with it a little bit uh in the nfl which is a perfect nfl thing that sam we know sam well and we've had him on the show he uh he spent like years working on this testing it doing all of the the data and everything and the nfl just like watched one powerpoint we're like all right we're gonna do that but we're gonna change it not realizing that everything that sam did was for a reason so they they tinkered it and they took away like where the ball ends up sam had made it to a point where it's like this is how you can get it so that people will always return it and you get the return back in the game. They changed a little bit of it, so that might not happen.
Well, what the NFL did was they made kickoffs so shitty for the last couple seasons that now we're welcoming anything that involves a return. Yeah, so the history, so people who are mad, let's start with this.
It's going to look fucking weird. If you watch the XFL, it looks weird.
People will be mad week one it looks weird like because you you have guys you have both the offense and defense or the you know the the return team and the kicking team standing 10 yards away from each other down the field and no one can move until the ball is touched yeah or hits the ground so it's gonna look weird yeah and you have you have the return team they like backpedal five yards seven yards to wherever their spot is that they're set up to block and it doesn't look like a kickoff because there's no big collisions yeah and that's what we've seen over the years i just think people are good i think people are gonna actually like it i do too the one thing that the xfl did that everybody was like yeah great job um was hire kickers that are podcasters the second thing they did was they had a return game that looked unusual and it offered like chances for reverses and so there are going to be some teams that go like full heads full steam ahead into figuring out how to optimize this kick return that will end up winning games because of the work that they did in the offseason to take advantage of the rules on the kickoffs right there'll be other teams are just like well this is weird let's just try to run a normal kick return play right and it's so for people who are gonna be like oh this is weird i don't like it uh i would just say that what the nfl has done in the last 10 years i think 2010 was when they banned the wedge so starting in 2010 they have essentially like killed the kickoff because they banned the wedge,

they banned running starts, they moved the kick up,

and then this last year they moved the touch back to 25,

and then finally this last year they added the fair catch,

which essentially just killed the kickoff.

There's no reason for you to return a kickoff. That's what I'm saying.

The NFL, it was a good job on their part in the long term to make kickoffs unwatchable and so shitty that now they add any sort of element that has a return game in it and people are like yeah this rocks now yeah i do think people like it the numbers are so less than 20 years ago uh in like the 2005 season 95 of uh nfl league kickoffs were returned it has dropped basically every single year you can see when the rules come in how it drops when they move the ball up and they ban the wedge it's dropped all the way to 37.6 was last year kickoffs returned and i think it even dropped more this year to like 20 or something around there i want to see kickoff returns yeah we're going to get kick returns. We're not going to get surprise onside kicks anymore, which sucks.
I like it. Even though it only happens like a few times a year, I like the idea of a surprise onside kick.
I'm okay with the surprise onside kick as well, like being banned, because they brought back the unbalanced line. Oh, yeah, you know.
So the fact that we can now have more onside kicks actually be recovered. Yeah.
And there was only two last year there was two on uh surprise on kicks in the entire season i get it the most memorable one of all time is the saints in the super bowl and everyone's like we lost this moment i understand that but the fact that they made it so that you could never return an onside kick it was something crazy like less than five percent i want there to be a chance that you can actually return an onside kick again so if we have to give up surprise onside kicks that only happened two times a year i think i'm okay with that trade no so the uh the imbalanced line did they put that out like a few weeks ago right yeah well today's when they're voting on everything so yeah the the imbalanced line i like that make onside kicks a thing again because at the end of a game if you try to recover when the game's over you have like no hope i i feel like it always happens where they try to do the onside kick and either it doesn't go 10 yards or it just goes out of bounds or it goes directly into someone's hands they should make it also illegal for the receiving team to swat the ball out of bounds on an onside kick yeah and then recover it i mean i do think the perfect answer for onside kicks is you should just have it be a fourth and 20 play for offense offense. Everyone would love that.
They might do that at some point. I think the Ravens were trying to do that.
Yeah, they were. They put that out there.
But yeah, I'm okay with the tradeoff. I'm going to miss surprise onside kicks because they are very electric, but if you tell me that there's a 15% chance now you can return an onside kick, I think that's something I would take just for the fact that you still have hope at the end of a game so I don't know if that's the trade-off they made I think the trade-off actually is since they changed the normal kickoff rules they had to then change the surprise onside kick because the way the players are set up now you can't do a surprise onside kick right because you have to declare okay we're setting up in this normal what what is now the new normal position to kick it deep.

But I think they started talking, like you said,

they started talking about the onside kick thing a couple weeks ago,

and it was like we're taking away a surprise onside kick,

but you now have to declare and you get an unbalanced line.

Yeah, yeah.

So there's actually no way that you could do a surprise onside kick

if this is the new normal kickoff rule.

The one thing that is going to be interesting,

and I love the strategy behind all of this

because I was talking to Sam earlier and congratulating him,

And he's like, the one thing that is going to be interesting and i love the strategy behind all of this because i was talking to sam earlier and like congratulating him and he's like the only thing that i didn't plan for is these kickoff rules with uh tyreek hill speed yeah so if you if teams start putting just their fastest guy back there it's gonna probably be most likely like they get to the 30 or above every single time and then will it and then we'll kick it out of bounds. So it just goes back to touchbacks.
Is this giving us maybe an edge? Maybe just take all the overs? Well, the ball placement will be farther out there. Yeah, more points.
Yeah, I'm in for it. Yeah, I mean, honestly, if you're the Dolphins, you absolutely do need Tyreek Hill returning kicks now.
Because think about where he's starting, and it incentivizes kicking it inbounds and down the – and also there's two returners now. So you can have two returners back there.
Well, I guess you always could, but you can – that's different than the XFL. XFL only had one, which definitely is advantageous for the returning team as well.
The one rule i don't like that needs to be changed is that you can't advance a recovered punt yeah why not why can't you yeah like how many times does that happen where a punt like hits off a dude's head somebody picks it up and then they run with it to the end zone and then for a split second you think you have a touchdown then you remember oh shit we got to bring that back um yeah, I always get confused with college. Yeah, is that college that I'm thinking of? Do I know ball? I'm pretty sure that's college.
I think it's both. Is it both? Yeah, if someone fumbles a punt and you recover.
I think if they fumble, if they have possession, then you fumble, you can pick it up and return it. But if it's a muff, I don't know you can college college and nfl have to get on the same page because we're going to watch old school kickoffs in college and although i do like how college has one foot in bounds yeah i agree because then when a receiver gets two feet in bounds you're like that dude can play at the next level can someone look it up for us i know you can't return it in college yeah i'm looking for something definite but i don't want to speak without no speak without it we just literally just spoke without knowing it i typed in advanced punt football and the first thing is a reddit thread why can't a team of advance a muff putt and read it all right so you can't you can't so i don't know type in um best muff close-ups.
See what that comes up back with.

I think that'll tell you, Jake.

No, I think they can't.

Are you serious, Jake?

Yeah.

Just have Bernie's computer.

Got him.

Company computer.

I think you're right.

I don't think you can.

There's also a rule change in baseball that they have been discussing,

I guess, in the weeks leading up to the start of baseball season,

I'm sorry. uh there's also i think you're right i don't think you can there's also a rule change in baseball that they have been discussing i guess in the weeks leading up to the the start of uh baseball season guys can't gamble on their own team they're heavily considering reinstating pete rose before they announced the shohei otani situation um no the uh the thing they're looking at probably for next year because we're talking about robot umps i just heard this right now on the radio one of the systems i'm thinking about and i love this they're thinking about giving teams three challenges for balls and strikes per game now that's not that cool what makes it cool is that the batter has to decide whether or not to use a challenge they do this in uh in in single a and double a and maybe even triple i i've seen this before it's awesome because it's instant yeah i love the i love I love the player having to decide.
You don't have a manager that somebody is on the phone with him for a replay that saw it upstairs. It's like you're in the batter's box.
Did that look outside? And it's great because I've watched it happen. I don't remember what league it was, but it's not slowing down the game because the batter just taps their head, ump turns around.
It's like a green or red light, and then they just keep going. Do they have a flag? I don't know if they have a flag.
I would rock if there was a flag. But yeah, it's very, whatever league is doing it, because I've seen this video, it's very efficient.
And it adds great, I'm all for these type of rules that add strategy. Yeah.
It's like, when are we going to burn these? Oh,fl rule that's being changed is uh the replay assistant can correct certain types of incorrect calls for roughing the passer and intentional grounding so if there's a hit on the passer i'm okay and it's not helmet to helmet the replay official can instantly be like not a penalty pick that flag up i like that i like that a lot that's a good one as long as it doesn't slow down the game i think that's because that's one of the calls that just is very subjective and pisses everyone off yeah a single year so yeah look this is the the video right now they're showing it yeah he just taps on his head yeah the catcher can do it too okay so the catcher just wave up and then he calls it it's maybe three seconds yeah i like that awesome what are the teams playing in this that's the tampa tarpons which i believe is the yankees single a okay It's a single seconds. Yeah, I like that.
It's awesome. What are the teams playing in this? That's the Tampa Tarpons, which I believe is the Yankees' single A.
Okay. So single A has been – look at that.
Shout out single A. Just pushing it, pushing us to a better sports world.
I'm okay with this. We also had in the league meetings, Jerry Jones is just losing it.
His scribble. What did he do? Did you see the picture of him? No, I haven't seen that.
Oh my God. Let me look it up.
He was answering questions and I think diagramming the Cowboys being all in. And then someone zoomed in on his piece of paper and he was just scribbling nothing.
That's relatable though. It is, but it also is very funny because that's his plan for the Cowboys being all in.
It looks like he tried to draw a clock seven times.

It is very relatable in that who hasn't had a piece of paper and a pen in front of them and just start making scribbles everywhere.

I mean, this is great for anyone who's really talented at Photoshop.

Put this one in the memes department for next season.

Yeah, he's just scribbling.

Would it have killed him to do little 3D box or the Superman S? Come on, man. Oh, the Super S.
Yeah, the Power S. Yeah, the Superman S is the best.
What if he just accidentally did a swastika? What if he's like, what? It's a cool design. Wait, I'm zooming in.
Oh, there is some writing on there. Yeah.
I'm getting there when you think of me. You just sit back like a boss.
But yeah yeah, we have the league meetings, which I love. Just a bunch of football guys walking around in a hotel in Orlando.
Somewhere in Florida, yeah. Somewhere in Florida.
Just deciding the fate of the league. I also, the vote for the new kickoff, I think there were three teams that didn't vote for it.
So Packers, whatever. I mean, they probably did a fan vote on Twitter.
Losers. And then the Raiders voted against it.
So immediately I was like, this is a good rule. Yeah.
Mark Davis is like, I don't like this. Well, I think Mark Davis just votes against anything.
Yeah. Because that's what his dad used to do.
Who were the abstain? Or the... I know it was Raiders-Packers.
I don't know who the third team was. But you can kind of tell.
Once I saw Raiders, like, yeah. Niners.
Niners. That's interesting.
They are smart. Niners are smart.
That kind of throws off my theory. They also moved back to trade deadline.
I'm not sure why they did that. To when? I think it's week nine.
Okay. Yeah, sure.
Probably still won't be a lot of trades. It's so arbitrary, yeah.
And they're also just the NFL just doesn't have a lot of trades. No.
But it's actually nice that we can talk about, like you can convince yourself that your team will do a trade. Yeah, well, it's bad for shitty teams because shitty teams, then you have another week of being like, can we do this? Yeah.
Another week of false hope. Winning right before the trade deadline.
Yeah. Death.
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Hank,

one,

two or three topics. Two, two.
Caitlin Clark wins her last game. Her.
At Iowa, down to the, they're going to the Sweet 16 in Albany. I actually watched that entire game.
It was electric. I loved West Virginia just being like, we're going to be the bad boy Pistons and just muscle you.
But yeah, congrats to her. That would have been a a hilarious hilarious ending if they had lost that game it was actually a really really good game yeah and it also gave some ammo to people that think that this is scripted to get the rematch of iowa versus lsu would that be in the elite eight elite eight when they play each other um there were a lot of fouls called at the end of the game a lot of a lot of fouls a lot of them intentional a lot of some of them intentional i saw some people posting like uh in the last three minutes west virginia foul got called for seven fouls iowa got called for zero they were intentionally fouling the last minute they were fouling yeah uh i don't think i will get called for a single foul though right in the last maybe two minutes of the game yeah um there were a couple that could have been a foul uh but caitlin Caitlin Clark, not only did she win, she also got the all-time points record with those final two free throws on a hilarious foul by West Virginia.
That meant nothing. Yes.
But it meant everything to some of us. And hit the over for her points.
Yeah. Shout out Caitlin Clark, her.
But yeah, imagine if they had gotten bounced. Did you see where she told her home stadium to shut the fuck up? I love how much Caitlin Clark is like, let's just admit it.
She's an incredible player. When things aren't going well, she has a little bit of baby in her, and I like it.
Yeah, there was a great take. I forget, I don't have it in front of me, but the person wrote an article about this, and they said, why do we vilify Caitlin Clark for making big gestures like this, and we talk about her and we have all these judgments about her, but we wouldn't do the same in a million years for players like Dennis Rodman or Pat Beverly.
Yeah. You missed on that one.
We definitely do the same. I mean, if you were alive in the 1990s, half of the sports ecosystem was talking about dennis robb every single night the uh yeah i i hope iowa fans because iowa fans are very protective of kate and clark i completely understand she gets attacked a lot so they have to always be you know guards up i i even started a little should we have the debate pagey buckets versus caitlin clark were not happy with that, me just throwing out the debate.
Oh, no, but you're not alone. Gio Ariema said if we're going to live in an age of advanced analysis and statistics, well, then we have the best player because all the numbers say she's the best.
And Paige Buecher did have some very bad injury luck in her career but so iowa fans are very protective completely understand i just hope that they can have a little sense of stepping out and being like yeah maybe she does have a little bit of baby in her which i like again i i she's a competitor she wants to win so badly but uh yeah she it was a great game so she threw the basketball into the stands after the game was over and it was nancy liebrum uh former was she a coach or a player but she said player if a guy does that no hooper if a guy does that nobody says anything if pat beverly does it or russell westbrook or dennis rodman does it nobody gives a shit no no i would i would give a shit we analyze literally everything that lebron has ever done his entire life if lebron did that it would lead first take undisputed for three months yeah shout out the kittles were there too also if lebron yeah he really got into a tight jersey it was it was his wife's but yeah if lebron did that and i was in the stands and got hit i would check myself into a hospital i'd be in a neck brace tomorrow. Hank, did you watch the game? No.

Oh, you don't like women.

That's not true.

Well, why didn't you watch the game then?

Name one woman.

Caitlin Clark.

Oh, nice.

Name one woman not named Caitlin Clark.

My mom.

That's a good answer.

Good answer.

Good answer.

Good answer.

All right, so other stories.

Should we talk a little about Thursday night? Because we're going to obviously record after Thursday night, after we watch the games. That's a good answer.
Good answer. Good answer.
Good answer. All right.
So other stories.

Should we talk a little about Thursday night?

Because we're going to obviously record after Thursday night,

after we watch the games.

Very, very excited for this Sweet 16.

The dust has settled a little bit, and I just couldn't be more excited for the eight games we have on Thursday

and Friday.

I'm most excited for UNC Alabama.

UNC Alabama is going to be incredible.

UConn San Diego State being the rematch from last year's championship game and danny hurley finding a way he is a master motivator being like we got screwed with the time of this game yeah he says that the the committee has done everything that they could possibly do to not let them repeat yes and i but their game is their game is at 6 39 central time still 39 that's a bad they were doing. Also, just going to say it, they're on TBS True TV.
Arizona Clemson's on CBS. Isn't that weird? That is weird.
That's a little weird. They're going to try to get away with something.
They're just anti-Italian discrimination again. True TV.
Nobody knows what channel True TV is. No one knows.
I am rooting for Illinois. No offense to Iowa State, but an Illinois UConn Elite Eight would be an incredible game.
That'd be a good matchup. Because I think Illinois has that one, like the fact that they have three studs that could go off at any time.
I still think UConn's the best team and any problem you throw at them, they have a solution for. But that would be a game that I'd be like, this is going to be a war.
And who knows if Terrence Shannon or Damask or Coleman go off.

I'm excited for that game.

But yeah, Alabama-North Carolina is going to be great.

Yeah, so who do you think is most likely to win amongst the underdogs on Thursday?

Clemson or San Diego State?

Because I'm not going to say Illinois and I'm not going to say Alabama.

But the real surprising ones would be Clemson or San Diego State. San Diego State.
You think would be most likely? That's my prediction. Oh.
Revenge. I think Clemson is most likely because Clemson has been ignored by this podcast.
And if we know anything about this podcast, we are the dumbest people in the world. So when we say we put out that graphic listing every team but Clemson clemson as teams that could win the national title they have that bookmark that will be the perfect ending to march madness if clemson wins it all and we just have that sitting there that would what do you think the numbers would get on that graphic there'd be tens of thousands of retweets and quote tweets yeah be pretty big it'd be pretty big but i might be rooting for but we could also give ourselves credit for for like spurning them on to a national championship Yeah, we do be pretty big.
It'd be pretty big. I might be rooting for him now.
But we could also give ourselves credit for, like, spurning them on to a national championship. Yeah.
We do the Long Beach State. Yeah, it was us.
Yeah, it was us. We were the ones who got them.
Yeah, listen, I didn't – I'm not going to sit here and say that I did that on purpose, but it worked out the way I wanted. Yeah.
I will say the number one overall seed has lost in the Sweet 16 in the last two years. Bless you Hank's sneezing bless you Gonzaga lost to Mus in Arkansas two years ago in the sweet 16 last year Alabama lost to uh San Diego State San Diego State San Diego State it would be something if UConn just rolled through this tournament covered every spread well do you see Dan Hurley just like they did last year bless you we're gonna keep blowing these teams out of the love it good yeah hank are you okay yeah maybe allergies i don't know that's not allergies you're sick i hope not i hate allergies for that reason what are you allergic to i don't know i just sneezed three times that's not common cocaine no people should have to wear pins on their on their shirt, Hank, how do you know that you're allergic to cocaine?

Maybe I'm not.

I don't know.

It is the changing of the seasons is when allergies start.

I understand, but do you not agree that people love to do the,

like, are you sick?

No, I have allergies.

They should have to wear pins that say, like, I'm an allergy person.

So you know, like, all right, if they sneeze, it's probably allergies.

Or I can just tell you guys in the beginning, you know I'm an allergy person. Can you tell the difference in a sneeze between allergy and sick? Yes, because you sound differently.
Oh, what did that sound like? Hank sounds fine. No, like talking.
Oh. You sound sick.
Do you have allergies? He lied. He lied.
Well, like allergies to the seasons, like, you know, pollen and shell. No, you aren't allergic.
Allergy season. Everyone's allergic.
If you have allergy season, it's not a thing. You're just saying you're allergic to being alive.
Hank doesn't have allergies. He just said allergies.
Well, yeah, you know, pollen and. Yeah.
No, I don't. But you're not allergic to those things.
Hank, you're not an allergy guy. Yeah, you're not.
You're a strong man. I can smell allergy guy.
Jake, Jake's an allergy guy. Max, sneaky allergy guy.
Big time. We were talking about cologne the other day.
All right, I'm sick. And Jake was like, I think I'm allergic to cologne.
I don't care. No, I don't feel sick.
Yeah, that checks out with me. Yeah.
No, I don't care if you're sick or not. I just, it's been a take for a long time that I just, I think people use allergies as a crutch, which you just literally proved it.
No, and it takes away from people who actually have allergies. Yeah, right.
You just took their culture and tried to pawn it off. I apologize.
It's like real allergy people are like TJ Watt. Are you guys so far into allergies that you – what, Max? You're an allergy.
This is a great podcast. No, it is.
If you're here for Shane Gillis, we'll be done with allergies in a second. Are you guys, do you guys check the pollen report? Like, oh, surfer would check like big waves? No, I just know I have bad allergies.
So you're not like, oh shit, pollen's high today, got to stay inside? No. I like those allergy people are freaks.
Are you a believer in like the people that say that everyone's allergic to everything, but just some people are more mentally tough? Yes, because I'm anything people who say it's mental yeah i have an issue no i think it's mental no it's not i just i'm built different my brain's different i went to um i went to a museum the other day uh it's a color factory in downtown chicago with the kids and my mom was with us and she's allergic to shellfish.

And they said in the front, because there's like snacks,

and the person was like, is anyone allergic to anything?

And she's like, shellfish.

And the person responded, you should be okay.

That shouldn't be the answer.

That's good.

You should be okay shouldn't be an answer to that question.

Yeah, shellfish is one.

It was the color factory.

Yeah.

It's fucking cool.

You should know if you have crabs.

If there's like, oh yeah, we'll skip the sea life exhibit.

You should be okay is not an okay answer though.

I don't remember which bear it was who didn't want to do the conditioning test. and he just ate a bunch of shellfish before the conditioning test because he was allergic that's awesome yeah but uh yeah the and then there was a little girl who was like who said penicillin i was like what the fuck how are you alive also like yeah what is isn't penicillin like a something they like treated polio with but i would i would feel like the genetics that would get passed down to the generation with penicillin if you if you were allergic to penicillin in like the 1600s yeah 18 probably 1800s when they discovered it you probably would have died yeah that's just not an answer though too like a five-year-old should say yeah penicillin yeah like you're probably scared of everything now yeah they're like the one thing that's supposed to save you you you can't have.
You're scared of medicine. Yeah.
Okay, so that was allergy talk. That was number three on my topics.
Shohei. I believe him.
Okay. I don't know why.
The way that he's presented it. I actually think it's genius.
Yep. Because there's not going to be any chance that they can prove that he's lying if he if if i think they can if him and jack did he say so he's like he stole from me he said that this guy stole all the money from me without my knowledge if he says that and the interpreter also says that and it turns out that like maybe maybe they are lying about it maybe shohei knew about it but as long as they stick to those stories, you can't prove it otherwise.
I think you can, though. How? Forensic accounting.
You can say that Ipe logged in. No, I'm saying Shohei is now going down this path where he's like, this guy stole from me.
Yeah. They're going to get a forensic accounting and they're going to show this is how this guy stole from me.
Yeah. And if they do that and it's like, dude, no one stole from you, I think he'll be in deep shit.
But I think they're going to take that path. Also, I just love the idea of forensic accounting.
Don't understand it at all, but it sounds cool. That was my question.
You kept saying that word. I saw the word.
I saw the word. I saw someone tweeted the word, and I was like, ah, of course.
Forensic accounting. They'll do forensic accounting.
I'm pretty sure law and order does forensic accounting sometimes. But I mean, it will solve every problem here, forensic accounting.
But even if it shows his computer was used to send the transfers, he can always just say, like, Ipe logged in on my computer. But I think if that is the case, there will be a lot of questions.
Like, I think the forensic accounting will come back and be like, look, he stole from me. He did it from his own device.
Yeah device yeah yeah he siphoned it off think about it when you when you do a money transfer if it's a big money transfer you your bank sends you a text message and says verify this big money transfer using this code that we just gave you yeah so i don't know if he also had access to show hay's phone so that was was the other part of it. Reading up more about this guy,

there was a quote from a couple years ago where someone interviewed him,

and he said,

translating is only 10% of my job with Shohei.

He was like his best friend.

He was doing everything with him.

Remember, was Shohei in the Home Run Derby?

I think he was.

He caught for Shohei in the Home Run Derby.

He would do long toss with Shohei.

He would go out to dinner with Shohei.

I think he's. He caught for Shohei in the Home Run Derby.
Like he was his, he would do long toss with Shohei. He would go out to dinner with Shohei.
I think he was so deeply embedded that it was like almost a brother relationship. And then it would make sense that he was able to do it.
And Shohei, it also, people were able to figure out that Shohei for the longest time had his mom do his accounting. So it's not like Shohei has been maybe the most, he's maybe been a little too trusting of people in his life and not had someone else do all this stuff.
So it leads me to believe this potentially could happen. So Ipe also has another discrepancy on his resume.
So in the Angels media guide, Ipe said that he graduated from UC Riverside in 2007. The school has no record that that happened.
So this guy just might be a liar. Right.
But baseball has its hands full. Yeah, I think, and I know this might be a cop-out, but I just think I'm going to believe him until they do the forensic account.
I'm waiting for the forensic accounting to come out. I'm a big believer in it.
Shohei also is going to have some trust issues with his next interpreter i would say because this interpreter played the interpreter game very very well if you're trying to be sneaky just like he exploited a weakness in the interpreter system yes which is you have one client you can lie to that one client about what everybody else in the world is saying yeah and you keep that person he like at some point maybe the at some point, maybe the power went to his head, and Ipe thought, I'm Shohei. Yeah, well...
He also said he was Hideki Okijima's translator for the Red Sox in 07, and that just wasn't true. Oh.
No one from the Red Sox remembers him. He's not in any of the media guides.
These are just verifiable facts. Like, he had a different translator that was in the media guides.
And the more I was reading about too it again i i know i might be naive believing shohei but the situation that shohei is in being in a country where he does not speak the language and he has one guy in the clubhouse who he can converse with you would end up becoming very close with that's the only that's the only person you can talk to right yeah that's a crazy thought experiment to be like i only have one guy in this entire world you know obviously his family and stuff but one guy day to day when i go to work that i can speak with that person would just become your best friend yeah and i think that i think shohay needs two translators now at all times i was just hoping they can like standing next to each other then you tell me what this guy just said to me, and you both have to say it at the same time. I was hoping so bad that Shohei sat down and just spoke perfect English.
Would have been fucking awesome. Kaiser Soze.
That would have been good. It would have been great.
But, yeah, I think his new translator is, it was Kente Maeda's translator who then worked for the Dodgers front office, so possibly more trustworthy. Just the idea of $4.5 million, like multiple wire transfers going through and him not knowing about it like him never getting a verification thing sent to his phone to his email getting a phone call from somebody at the bank yeah it's weird it's very weird it is weird and if if you're the if you're the translator you probably found yourself in a situation where you were saying that Shohei is backing you up right on all this to your bookie right and then your bookie again giving you that four and a half million dollars of credit yep or using your position as a translator to get inside information on the games right and i mean just think about it like if they're that close and he probably did have at least a credit card or some type of way to get money it's i mean it's no different than memes.
I'll lend him my credit card and I won't see it for two weeks. He's my e-pay.
Yeah. You know? So it's like that will happen.
Right, memes? Yep. See? It could happen to anyone.
It could happen to anyone. I had a very dumb thought.
I want to just be open with everyone. Very dumb thought.
Probably sleep deprivation yesterday when he was doing his press conference. I was like, man, it would fucking rock if I was a translator.
Like if I went overseas and translated for like a baseball, American baseball star. And then I sat with that thought for a couple of minutes.
I was like, I don't speak any other English, any other languages. Yeah.
But you speak English. It's just like, basically, my thought was just that I would go overseas and just be friends with someone and never actually do the job.
It would be very funny, though, if you just made up what they were saying. Has there been a case of a translator that doesn't speak the language that goes over there and is just like, hey, this guy says, this reporter wants to know what your favorite cereal is.
Yeah. And then you just lie.
Yeah. There's sign language people that have made up their job.
Yeah. Gone up and done the fake signs.
I love those people. Huge flaw in my whole plan to become a translator for a star athlete overseas.
You know what else I was thinking about? Interesting timing with the wife reveal of Shohei. He was such a private guy.
We knew nothing about his personal life. We didn't even know his dog's name yeah until like three months ago and then all of a sudden it's like oh wife reveal four days later five days later biggest scandal in baseball breaks about Ipe you think maybe it was he got married and his wife started being like hey where's all this money going his wife might have found it out because they were under investigation at the time yeah it's like you like, dude, you need to clean up your finances.
Yeah, this guy's just taking money. He keeps losing parlays.
Yeah, like, hey, Shohei, where did this $4.5 million go? We're going to buy seven houses. Yeah.
He's like, that's a good question. It's like $2 million gone right after the Super Bowl? Yeah.
It's weird. My thought was that Shohei found out about the investigation, hired a crisis team, and then part of their crisis team was like, we need to get ahead of the negative publicity.
Let's show everybody your superstar wife. Yeah.
I wonder. I wish we could get Ipe's picks because he sucks.
If he's down. It'd be great to fade Ipe.
Fade Ipe. Yeah.
Imagine if we just get me. I wouldn't be shocked if Ipe just ends up being a Twitter tout.
Yeah. He's actually one of those people that we think are bots in all of the replies.
Yeah. 100% fixed on Telegram.
Yeah. That's Ipe.
Oh, my God. I just block all those all day.
Yeah. It just never goes away.
Ipe's a pussy in bio. It never.
Yeah. Pussy link in bio.
I don't block those. No.
Those ones you got to keep because they might have the pussy in bio Bio. Yeah, maybe a close-up muff.
You never know. Okay, let's get to Hot Seat Cool Throne.
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Henry, hot seat cool throne. My hot seat is Jonte Porter.
Oh, why? What happened? Raptors Center is under an NBA investigation into irrigate. Yeah, big word.
It's a tough one. Irreg.
Slow down. Irregular.
There it is. Irrigation.
He's too wet. On his prop betting involving him, there was a couple times where he basically started a game, took himself out because of an eye injury.

And on those games, there was a bunch of action on his prop bets. Unders.
Unders. Bad.
Bad. Very bad.
So I saw the report. It said that it was the number one paid out prop of the night.
Yeah. Both times that he did it, right? And both times he started the game and then came out with an injury.
And he's not a guy that guy that like we're not talking about a yokich or an imbead or tatum where people are betting these star players he probably doesn't get a lot of prop bet action night to night and then the two nights that he comes out of a game it ends up being a lot of action on was he a steven che data play i don't know we got look into that. I'm actually looking forward to all the revisionist history that's going to go on where people do deep dives into every single play that he's ever had in the NBA and been like, look how bad this shot is.
Had the under. Yeah.
Well, I think he was just not even shooting. There was one that I saw.
There was one game where he didn't shoot any threes. Yeah.
Banked in a three and then his face after, you could tell he was like, fuck. And then the time he came out with a face injury, people were already breaking that down.
He didn't really get hit in the face. He got kind of hit in the neck.
Yeah. This is bad.
It's bad. And yeah, the NBA is in a very tough spot right now.
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know how. I mean, they'll have to find the evidence and see if he actually betted himself uh because i would assume it was him betting it himself or someone of one of his friends betting itself not him like telling everyone because then that would have you can't that's something that would never be a secret for more than two seconds right today's media right or he was kind of like we're speculating with ipe, like in debt to a bookie, gave the

bookie info, I'm going to sit this one out.

But this one was all public, though.

Ipe was a private bookie.

This one is, they have the irrigation irregularities on a legal sports book.

Yeah.

So, yeah, it's bad.

He's also active about crypto trading, like he talks about it. Uh-oh.
Which is just a... That's a red flag in itself.
Yeah. How many Apes did he have on the game? He's active in social media about his options, crypto trading, and like he's talked about, you know, I took 5K and turned it into 100K.
Is crypto back? Bitcoin is. I've been seeing a lot of...
You remember the shit coin craze of like 2021 when everyone was into what were those weird coins like shit coin come rocket moon coin all that stuff uh i've been seeing more new shit coins recently well i think it just goes hand in hand anytime bitcoin like pops everyone who has not invested in bitcoin years and years ago is like, fuck I want my Bitcoin. Let me just invest in Fart Rocket or Fart Bucks.
Just let me know until we're on the moon. Yeah.
Okay. I need to know when we're at the moon.
He's also Michael Porter Jr.'s brother. That's true.
Are we betting him too? Yeah, what? That's just a fun fact. That is a fun fact.
I don't know if that means anything. I guess it't know if that means anything but maybe he's involved too I don't want to go and just implicate his brother just yet why not? you wouldn't tell your brother if you were no I probably wouldn't because I would be trying to do it without telling anyone yeah I definitely wouldn't there'd be a 9 page article about it also your brother would probably be like hey dude don't do this yeah but also his brother's making like stupid nba money jonte porter's just making that's true yeah that's fair point yeah also his brother is really good right and he's been playing really well yeah yeah okay uh and then my cool throne is jj mccarthy yeah oh why's that congrats pft okay um speaking of odds jj mccarthy had a best harbaugh called the best pro day he's ever seen yep ever and he's the best quarterback that's ever played at michigan and his odds that's not true that's what harbaugh said okay um and his odds from being the second overall pick went from 2500 to plus.
So, yeah, he's getting a lot of talk. Smokescreen? He is our late riser.
Yep. Harbaugh was so funny.
I just love watching him talk football. He did a whole two minutes on how the offensive line is the greatest football unit because it's the only football unit that doesn't rely on any other units.
And he's like every single positional unit, offense and defense, relies on the offensive line. Rugged individualism.
Yeah. Collective individualism.
He's like everyone else needs the offensive line. The offensive line just needs each other.
Yeah. And it was great.
But, Hank, J.J. McCarthy, I want to just throw just a random trade out there.
You tell me if you'd be down for it. Patriots receive QB Justin Herbert, fifth overall

pick 2024-2025

first round pick. Chargers

receive the third pick to

draft J.J. McCarthy and

also Juju Smith-Schuster.

So you get Justin Herbert

the fifth pick and next year's

first. Oh, okay.
You can't get rid of Juju.

Because our colleague Nick

Fasoli said, I think he said I think I'm in. Yeah, I'd be into that.
I'd be into that trade if I was the Patriots. The best part was when I was just like, Fasoli, what are you talking about, dude? He's like, I got got.
I was like, no, that wasn't a got. You just said that was a good trade.
I concur. I think that's a fleece.
Yeah, actually, his exact phrase was, I actually don't hate this. Yeah, I don't hate it either.
Who would hate that? So to your point, though, Hank, on J.J. McCarthy being drafted second overall, I think one of a couple things are happening here.
One, it's smokescreen season. So there might be a team out there that would be hoping that the Vikings might package a lot of picks to move up and take J.J.
McCarthy earlier in the draft. Vikings are up to something, remember.
Yes, yes. Win horse, they're up to something.
That's what I'm saying. There might be a team, maybe even a team inside the division, like the Chicago Bears, that might be hoping that the Vikings trade up way too many picks to take J.J.
The other thing that might be happening, we have a new GM in D.C., Adam Peters, right? One thing new GMs love to do is smoke out a rat. Yeah.
So they like to give little kernels of information that might not be true to one person, hoping that one person leaks it to the media. This is all facts.
And how does that affect JJ McCarthy? Oh, I think he's actually going to get drafted very high he will but i don't think he's going second he's our late riser there's always one of these guys i mean remember when baker like when he drafted one one going you know a month before no one thought that was going to happen yeah there are people that that climb up anthony richardson was that way too yeah i think you can also just jj mccarthy is a perfect quarterback where you can look at it and if you want to look at it glass half full he could be the greatest quarterback of all time because you can essentially say he played winning football he made the throws he needed to make and they also asked him not to do anything so there's so much more there's upside you can tell yourself that jj mccarthy is the guy but let's rewind about 12 months ago exactly to this date everybody was talking talking about Will Levis going off the board in the top 10 too.

So there's a lot of misinformation that gets put out there this time of year.

Stay woke, Hank.

Yeah.

Okay.

Stay woke.

Okay.

PFT.

My hot seat is whoever produced the Patriots documentary.

Yeah.

Because Robert Kraft is not happy with that individual.

They asked him about it at the league meeting yesterday, and he said,

I felt bad there was so much emphasis on the more controversial

and let's say challenging situations over the last 20 years.

I wish they had focused more on our Super Bowl wins, our 21-game win streak. I felt bad there were players who gave hours and hours of interviews, and they only felt the negativity.
So a little disappointed that there wasn't more of a real positive approach, especially for Patriots fans who have lived the experience with us we're all we're all trying to find the guy who did whoever made that documentary robert craft is not happy with you not happy at all and the most controversial comments used in the documentary correct from robert craft yes they threw robert craft under the bus and i don't think robert craft was actually editing the documentary, but I would bet that he got to watch the final cut before it was made. And he was like, we nailed it.
Belichick's a scumbag. I would bet that whoever produced it watched each episode one by one and said, okay, yeah, this one looks good for episode one.
This looks good for episode two. And then they kept all that information frombert craft until and craft lc and craft lc until it came out yeah yeah i'm sure if you wanted to highlight you know the 21 game we could have probably made that probably could have made yeah whoever made the documentary could have yes yeah a lot of the players coming out being like we i i think rodney harrison was like i talked for five hours and all they used was like one clip yeah and tough one one of the McCourty's, I forget which one.
Yeah. They share a Twitter account, so they're one person.
Yeah. We're all trying to find the guy who did this.
We'll never know. Yeah, it's a shame.
They should take those interviews and make another documentary. I wish he had just doubled down.
You know what? He should have just gotten in front of the media and been like, nah, that actually rocked. Bill Belmuck you know what they should have done they should release two documentaries one for patriots haters and one for patriots fans yeah something for everybody you need a you need an extra cut well that's coming that's that's that is the the takeaway though because there is a lot of players and belichick it's like nfl films is going to come out with a documentary and that's going to be the one.
Your cool throne? My cool throne is birds in New York City. Uh-oh.
So they just released the autopsy from Flacco the owl. Remember Flacco, our beloved Central Park owl, the Spanish owl that escaped from the zoo? Who could forget? Flew into the side of a building.
Yeah. Felt like I flew into that building that day.
Yeah. Bills would like to sign you.
So they did the autopsy on him and they said that he had rat poison and pigeon herpes in his system oh he fucked and the pigeon herpes infected his brain and made him a little bit crazy which made him hit the side of the building damn so flacco the owl was fucking pigeons he was promiscuous he was promiscuous i don't know like don't know. Is that bestiality? No, because he's a beast.
He's a bird. Yeah.
And he fucked another bird. Yeah.
That's fine. He was just getting dick wet.
Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, no.
He just was very promiscuous. Kind of a slut.
Well, we don't slut shame. But he was.
If you were to slut shame, you'd be like, Flacco the Owl, confirmed slut. He was a whore.
Yeah. He was a man whore.
You got to ask, kind of good looking too though was a girl or boy i think flacco was a boy okay yeah i mean he was hot he was fucking say that smoke show yeah like everyone the reason why he became such a viral sensation was he was good looking and then it went to his head there was a bunch of just really horny pigeons a bunch of really lucky lucky pigeons in New York that got to be fucked by Flacco.

Yeah.

But apparently if you fuck too much and you're an owl, it gets into your brain, disorients you, and then you just crash yourself into a window and die.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So Flacco, a slut.

RIP.

Okay.

My hot seat is me.

I've slept.

I slept for the first time more than like five hours on Monday night, and I've come to the realization I'd like to apologize. I was a bitch all weekend.
So I want to say I was a bitch. No real excuse.
I actually texted all the people. I said, don't text me.
I said, you did nothing wrong. You can text me anytime you want when my team suck.
I was thinking about it. I think it's because I've been so out of practice with my teams playing in meaningful games.
It's been a very long time since they played in meaningful games.

And in the past, I've done all the things that I've done to other people,

like the World Series when Dave dressed up in Indians attire,

the 2015 Wisconsin National Championship when we did an emergency rundown directly after.

When Florida hit the buzzer beater, we did an emergency pod right after. I just had been out of practice of I got to be able to eat the shit if I give the shit.
So I was a bitch and I want to apologize. Is that directed to Hank? No, it's directed to everyone, to the listeners.
I mean, there's some people who probably hate me for life, but that's fine. I was a bitch.
What did Khan say when you texted him and apologized? He was like, yeah, no big deal. You don't have to apologize.
Oh, that's nice. Yeah.
So anyone can text. And I also get a little confused because I eat so much shit on Twitter all the time that I'm like, and obviously other people don't see that.
So I'm like, I take a lot of shit, but people can talk shit all they want. Yeah.
My team suck. And I got to do a better job of not being a bitch about it.
I really just wanted, I just haven't had any happiness in sports in a long time. And I just wanted so bad to have a little bit of happiness that it clouded my judgment.
I took things personally. You're allowed to be a bitch when your team's loose.
Yeah, but like we said, 24 hours. I think that's an appropriate amount of time.
But you can't take it personally. I took it personally.
Like when in a purple jumpsuit I took it personally it wasn't personal like I shouldn't have taken that personally Hank was trying to be a good employee and he was using the Dave and Buster's hashtag yeah so I took it personally I was a bitch no excuses bitch made baby back bitch so going forward I don't want to be I don't ever be accused of being a hypocrite so i apologize and i will uh eat any shit that i can eat whenever my teams are on the in the spotlight and i won't complain about it and we will do that going forward so when's the next opportunity that you have to get your hopes up never or maybe in the draft caleb williams um yeah i mean we're gonna draft caleb williams but yeah whenever whenever i whenever people control me go ahead and i mean i get trolled all day but again troll away like i i deserve it i deserve to eat shit okay uh my cool throne is i got two uh speaking of kail Williams he's got a cool pink phone oh that's nice probably the coolest thing ever you guys probably were dying to have a quarterback with a pink phone i honestly guess what he's's mine. I haven't seen that.
Is that part of the Caleb Williams news cycle? He was at the USC game last night. He has a pink phone.
Got people really upset. I say maybe think differently.
He's so advanced. He knows that pink phones are cool.
Is he supporting breast cancer awareness? Guess what? You probably won't lose a pink phone. Yeah.
It sticks out. I had a red phone.
It was sick. Yeah.
I only had a red phone because I wasn't secure enough in my sexuality to have a pink phone. This is going to really suck if the Bears don't take Caleb Williams because I've just gone all in on defending him.
And as everyone knows on this podcast, I've always said pink phones are the most masculine thing you can do. Yeah.
No, I think it's a pretty much set thing that you guys are going to take Caleb Williams. Max, what do you you think about the pink phone i saw your face there you loved it no i just wanted you to talk about it yeah i loved it i loved it i thought it was so cool i never even thought you could have a pink it had like the pink wallet attached to it he might have even had pink fingernails which also so cool i also think that may not have been his phone it could have also not been his phone if it was, whoever's phone that was.
I'm looking at it right now. He might.
I think he's got a pink sparkly wallet, too. Yeah.
It's a sparkly wallet. That's cool as fuck.
Jared McCain paints his nails. That's fucking cool.
Might be the best player in the league. Yeah.
In the tournament. Also, great dance moves in this video.
Yep. Oh, there was a guy on Duke that had painted nails, too.
Jared McCain. Yeah, he's good.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, McCain, yeah.
Yeah, he's good. He dropped like 40.
He couldn't miss. Yeah.
He's a TikTok star. He is a TikTok star.
Yeah. My other cool throne is Andrew Huberman, who had a hit piece out against him from The New Yorker, which- Who is he? All right, so he's a podcaster, scientist, like bro scientist.
He's the world's preeminent bro scientist geared towards Will Compton and Billy Football. Yeah.
He's, you know, like. Ben Shapiro for science.
I don't know. I don't know about that.
I don't think he's too political. Andrew Tate for science.
No, I'm saying, but like bro. Yeah.
Well, he's Joe. I think he's, he's Joe.
Yes. Joe Rogan is the, is the Venn diagram, like a big circle.
He's, you know, cold tubs, like healthy living, no alcohol that kind of stuff uh so the new yorker wrote a hit piece about him which is very funny because i would say the amount of people that listen andrew huberman and subscribe to the new yorker is zero uh but either way uh the big like gotcha moment was that he has like six or seven girlfriends uh which i don't know i feel like that's a ringing endorsement for his lifestyle because he's like 48 years old and to have the energy to have six or seven girlfriends means that he's doing something right with his like healthy living yeah this guy gets laid too much yeah real problems it's come back behavior to cheat on uh you know a student for another but again like, like he, 48 years old, and be like, yeah, I have the time for seven girlfriends. Wait, do the girlfriends know about each other? The article kind of revealed it and like, you know, how it all unfolded.
Also very funny because people are going back and he had a life hack was, one of his life hacks was to have a second phone just for working out that only has music on it. I feel like that second phone might have been for other.

That's yeah, that's that was that was his pink phone.

If you know what I'm saying.

Yeah, married.

Did he like preach?

No, he probably he probably is a little bit of a hypocrite in that respect.

But again, he's 40 years old and has energy for seven girlfriends.

I don't know.

Maybe cold tubs work.

Okay, so this is pretty funny.

He was dating a woman named Sarah that not a real name, but that was that was the name they used what they're classifying as girlfriend and they they asked her a question she said she would return and the answer would be on an old phone she stood up left for only a moment and returned with a box labeled old phones yeah so it sounds like his girlfriends had multiple phones too yeah the hit the hit piece was essentially like he's not a great guy which I don't know if anyone I wouldn't have like if you told me

Andrew multiple phones too yeah the hit the hit piece was essentially like he's not a great guy which i i don't know if anyone i i wouldn't have like if you told me andrew hubin's not a great guy be like okay sure like don't make a hero out of a podcaster so it's like he the the one part that was i thought was like oh this guy's a scumbag was i think sarah his girlfriend was going through ivf to try to have a child while he was cheating on her that sucks like that's a shitty move yeah that's but again it wasn't i didn't i only skimmed it so i might have missed something either way uh i just saw the fact that he had seven girlfriends and it's 48 and it's like how could you have the time to do that yes insane so i've been watching some of his videos and listen to his podcast just in the past like a couple weeks because he came across my desk via Billy football. He's a big cold tub guy.
Yeah.

Big cold. To the point where now I want to get a cold tub.
I'm going to go back and forth, back and forth between sauna, cold tub, sauna, cold tub, and then all my problems will go away. Yeah.
And then it just gives you a natural high. Yeah.
But I'm in. I'm in.
I don't want to have seven girlfriends, but I in on everything else seven girlfriends would be exhausting that's what i'm saying it would be he's proving that his method works because i don't know anyone who's above the age of i actually i don't know anyone who could handle seven girlfriends it would honestly now i'm kind of backtracking on huberman because it led you to a point where you think that having seven girlfriends is a good idea. Yeah.
Yeah. It sounds like he's got a messy personal life and okay.
Yeah. He's got a sex addiction.
Addicted to sex. Come on the pod.
Addicted to sex. We would have him on the pod, right? Yeah.
Oh, by the way, can everyone please follow, if you're listening to this right now, can you follow us on Spotify? I guess they make those numbers public, so let's get those numbers up. Follow us on Spotify if you listen on Spotify.
Do it. Do it.
Do it. Okay, Jake, your hot seat cool throne.
My hot seat is the Arizona Diamondbacks. They play at Chase Field.
They had their penultimate spring training game last night, and it was called Due to Rain. The crazy part about that is they have a retractable roof, and they just never closed it.
Oh, they forgot. That one guy rules that he just woke up.
It's basically Max pressing the button. He just woke up.
He's like, wait, did I fucking forget to close the roof? God damn it. Apparently they can't close it mid-game, but they probably should have seen the forecast and closed it before.
That poor guy. Biggest roof close failures, Arizona Diamondbacks number one, JFK number two.
Yep yeah that's biggest poor guy biggest roof close failures arizona diamond backs number one jfk number two yep that's it right there yeah so that was interesting uh my cool throne is christmas day yeah football is taking over once again we have another christmas day game it's even on a wednesday this year so they're willing to go the distance yeah they rule we rule they're gonna take over the nba we do i feel like it is a win for us it's a big win for us we did it i i'm not a ratings guy uh but i do in these moments i'm just like suck it nba yeah we're watching football so the the nfl said i think in the last year that they would not do a game on christmas day this year because it was going to be on a wednesday yeah and then they're like yeah you know what, though? The ratings were pretty good. They said everything because the rule is that they never do Friday nights because of high school football, and then they broke.
It was obviously Friday during the day, the Black Friday game last year. Yeah.
They're just – I like it. They're just cocky.
They're like, we'll play football any time, and everyone will watch. At this point, the NFL could invent a day of the week in between Saturday and Sunday and just be like, like yeah we're doing saturday now yeah and that's when we play football we're going to do three games on saturday and we'd be like yeah i guess there's eight days in the week and i'm going to watch football on the eighth one i kind of so it so the the teams that play on wednesday are going to play on saturday the week before so they'll have so it'll be almost it'll be exactly like a sunday thursday it's kind of i, you get a pretty big break after that, an extra bye.

Yeah.

Because you go Wednesday then all the way to the following Sunday.

So I feel like if your team is good and you want to have that extra bye

right at the end of the season.

Yeah, I'm in.

Yeah.

I'd be in on that.

How do you think the NBA is going to counteract this?

Because Adam Silver's cooking something up in his lab right now.

I don't know. A one-day tournament? Either do the breakaway baskets.
Yeah, breakaway baskets. Or a one-day tournament, the NBA Christmas Cup, where every team plays multiple games that day, and there's only one winner at the end.
It's like an AAU game? Yeah, like an AAU day. 8 a.m.
starts? 8 a.m. starts, and then there's one winner.
The cup game tips off at like 11 p.m. You know what they could do is they could just – the NBA could just make it Jontae Porter Day and everyone wins their bets.
That would be nice. People would tune in.
Yeah. Jontae Porter plays in every game.
They make the rims a little bit bigger so every over hits. That would be smart.
So we would have Wednesday, Thursday saturday sunday monday nfl and then the next two days are college football playoff quarterfinals beautiful it's great love it it's great wait god bless america can't wait uh okay uh let's get to our interview we have shane gillis on the show long time coming shane's the man he uh has probably the busiest schedule out of anyone uh and he made time for us came by when he was in chic Chicago. Before we do that, PFT, you got a quick word from one of our sponsors.
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Based on the February 2024 Nielsen Report, learn more at discover.com slash credit card. Now here's Shane Gillis.
Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. Long, long overdue.
It's, I was going to say the number one comedian, but I know that would bother you. Don't say that.
I'm not going to say that. It's Shane Gillis, the dog.
You've kind of transcended comedy. It's an all-around entertainment superstar.
You've changed the art. Shane, are you A-list? Do you want to leave? Do you want to not do it again? That'd be great if you're just like i'm out i'm out no shane's here uh awesome to have you thank you very much for coming by you i mean you did fuck with me last night because you had a show you're in chicago for chicago theater shows shane made me do the voice of god and i just fucking you blew it i blew it i thought you were gonna be all energy i blew it how do you do the voice of god like like being like ladies and gentlemen like please no flash photography and i just blew it Yeah, so there were going to be all energy.
I blew it. How do you do the voice of God? Like being like, ladies and gentlemen, please no flash photography.

And I just blew it.

Yeah, so there's a microphone next to the curtain where you make the announcement.

And I was like, here's all you got to say.

If you're going to take a picture, don't use a flash.

Don't film anything.

And then introduce Nate Marshall.

And I was like, and then say whatever, add whatever you want.

Be like, Chicago, what's up?

He literally was like, hey, everybody.

If you're going to take a picture, don't use a flash it don't film anything give it up for Nate Marshall right away I was like motherfucker that was that was one of the worst ones ever that was a bad one I said to Nate after I was like I'm so sorry because I feel like I fucked you he's like no dude actually like it was good because you're so bad it made me laugh and like put me at out there. Yeah, it was funny.
Do most places have their own voice of God or do you just deputize somebody? No, you have to do it, yeah. Usually if somebody's with me, I'm like, you want to do it? But no, or I have to do it, which is terrible.
I'm so bad at it. Maybe I'll show up tonight and give it a second chance.
Yeah, get pumped. Next time you're in New York, it should be Frank the Tank.
Oh, that'd be incredible. But incredible but he would just be like the new jersey transit is is delayed it'd be incredible to get him going while he's doing it yeah be like yeah the phillies rule the match over the voice of god 10 minutes of it he does it he comes to rough and rowdy uh for every rough and rowdy just to get in the ring right before and just say is everyone ready to get rough and Rowdy.
Well, that's not it. That's not it at all.
It's are you ready to get – who's ready to get rough? Who's ready to get rowdy? Are you ready to get rough and rowdy? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's pretty good.
It's pretty good. Better than what I do.
Yeah, he's Bruce Buffer. Yeah.
He's your Buffer. Yeah.
All right, so you're here. Thank you for coming on.
Dude, you're – I don't want to – because I know you – we're friends and i know like the thing about shane is he is just a regular dude and it's like this last whatever stretch for you has been probably mind-blowing i don't want to suck your dick because it makes you uncomfortable but shit man you're killing it thanks man you guys are too this place is beautiful yeah let's just suck each other's dick yeah you guys are awesome. I hear that's what you do to get famous in comedy, right? You have to suck two dicks at once.
Yeah. Basically, yeah.
All right, we'll start with something easy. All-time favorite Notre Dame player.
Ooh. Shane is a diehard Notre Dame fan.
Diehard. I'm going to forget.
That's a tough one. It doesn't have to be the best.
Samarja was up there. That team was a big team for me.
Zibikowski, Quinn, Samarja. Brady Quinn, we've had him on the show.
Darius Walker. The best spiral of all time.
Yeah, he was awesome. That spiral was so sick.
Yeah, that team was good. The safety was Zibikowski, right? Zibikowski.
Every time he'd be on TV, they'd be like, he's a goldenves boxer. Yeah, he's a boxer, man.
He's so tough. And then Smarja was a really good receiver, and then he goes pro as a baseball player.
That rocks. That was awesome.
And he played forever. Yeah, he was on the Cubs.
Throw the ball. Okay, so how are you a Notre Dame fan? How'd that start? My grandpa played for him, and my cousin played for him.
Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you go way back. So my whole family's obsessed.
Do you like the tradition? The whole mode of gameness of it? I do. You get really into that? But there's also a part.
I didn't go to the fucking school. So the academic standards, I don't care.
It's like, who cares? Just fucking win. What's up, Santino? Sit up, man.
He's going to be on in a minute, too. Sorry, I just wanted to pop in.
No, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, sit down.
Sit down. No.
Sit down. No, dude.
All right, he's going to go shoot hoops. Yeah, so you've been a Notre Dame fan your whole life.
It's – Notre Dame – you know people hate Notre Dame. Like, hate, hate, hate Notre Dame.
Not as much as they should. They used to – Like, growing up, they hated them.
Yeah, because they haven't been as good.

They were so good.

Now people are starting to be like,

I was cheering for Notre Dame.

It's like, damn, we suck.

You have the people, and I count myself as one of them,

being like, I don't like Notre Dame,

but they're good for college football.

Which probably, it's kind of like a pat on their head.

Yeah.

It's like, I kind of wish they were in the mix.

Yeah.

But.

They've been in the mix a little.

Yeah. They're all right.
Are they going to join the Big Ten? I don't know. I think they might have to eventually.
I think they should. I would like it.
Yeah. That'd be fun.
It would be sick. USC being in there helps now.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And then bring back the Michigan rivalry.
I would love to bring back the Michigan rivalry. I know.
I fucking hate Michigan. I know.
That would be a great one. The, I think actually Wisconsin plays Notre Dame in a couple years at Lam Lambeau.
I want to say they were supposed to do that. Yeah.
And then COVID. Yeah.
Yeah. And I went to the game at Soldier Field and Notre Dame.
That was not shit out of. Yeah.
It was that was late. High game.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, well, Drew Pine came out of nowhere.
Started dealing. Drew Pine all like five, 10 of them.
Yeah. He's hitting the McGregor strut and shit after throwing.
Yeah after throwing So wait would you rather have a Notre Dame National title than an Eagles Super Bowl Yes Without a doubt No doubt Everyone has that They rank where it is It's Notre Dame The Phillies I'm not going to say it If they mind. What? No, say it.
I was going to say, like, if they died, I'd be for a national title. The Phillies died? The Phillies program.
The entire team died. Yeah.
The whole team died. You traded Bryce Harper for like a knockoff ring.
No offense to the Phillies. No offense to the Phillies.
I love the Phillies, but. So it goes Notre Dame, Eagles, Sixers? Are you a Sixers guy? I would probably say Phillies over the Sixers.
Yeah. Yeah.
But yeah, theers, whenever they're good, that's fun They've been bad forever, so I stopped liking hockey Yeah, speaking of the NBA So you met Steph Curry the other day And he was like, I know who you are Yeah, that was crazy That has to be one of those moments Because like I said, at the start, you are a regular dude. You have not changed much even though everything's happened to you.
Like, does that happen? You're just like, how does Steph Curry know who I am? Yeah, that was wild. And it was like you've sat in those seats, those, like, courts.
I couldn't move. Right.
I was, like, uncomfortable the entire game. I didn't move because I'm too big.
I'm sitting, like, on people's laps just uncomfortable the entire game. And at the of the game i walk over and i'm like hi i'm shane gillis you guys nailed it whoever did the lip reading got it perfectly i was like hi i'm shane he was like i know who you are dude i was like sick what's up and then he was like i'm he said he was a fan i was like damn that's crazy that's that is nuts yeah the courtside seats are weird because you to me the biggest problem is you don't have any place to put your beer yeah and you put it down by your feet and you know you're gonna kick i'm gonna spill it onto the fucking warriors bench and the game's gonna stop and they're gonna bring a guy with a towel and the camera's gonna zoom in and he'll be like look at this alcoholic spilling his drink everywhere yeah that's that's a nightmare that's the worst case absolute nightmare uh so when you were in new york i the only question i have about sn is, was there any part of you that was like, I'm not going to host it when they offered it to you? Yeah.
So you were contemplating it because you're like, no, fuck you guys. I'm bigger than you guys.
You're coming back to me now. It was more of it's the funniest thing possible to say no.
But then I realized I would have to publicly say they offered me and I said no. Because no one would know.
It's not like they publicly offered it. Right.
You know? Yeah. And that makes it corny to be like, they actually asked me and I said no.
Yeah. You need that to be leaked somehow.
Yeah. We would have leaked it for you.
Yeah. If that happens again.
But I don't know. I was like joking about it.
We'd be hanging out. I'd be like, it'd be so cool if I didn't do it.
I might not do it. And then back in my head, I was like, I'm definitely doing it.
Yeah. I'm absolutely going to do that.
Did they call, did Lauren call you directly? No. So what, they just reached out to your agent? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And were you like, this is a prank at first? No, because I'd heard rumblings of it for a while. Like a year.
Yeah. Of like, they might ask you to host.
you walked in the room was it awkward at all or were you just like hey guys like remember yeah day one was awkward day one was very uncomfortable because it was offices that i hadn't been in since since then yeah wait i didn't realize you would like actually did you do a full day of work there i did no i didn't I didn't do any work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was just damage control. Right, right, right.
Different offices. Right.
But yeah, I was in there a lot. You were in there, yeah.
And so I was just sitting in offices where the worst thing. The worst thing possible.
Yeah. Back like, hey, this is it.
Yeah. Did you think about doing the Norm MacDonald joke in your monologue? Yes.
A lot. But then, I don't know.
I think the best way to handle it is to just do comedy yeah for me like norm got fired for making fun of oj right his was a lot different we can say norm was right norm was right yeah yeah dead right we can publicly say norm was right yes yes um and he was on the show and the fans there liked him you know if i got out there and i was like yeah fuck this show yeah it would look crazy and then i'd still have to do the show right yeah right yeah you'd have to you'd be like fuck this show like in the monologue if i was like yeah whatever this show sucks i'm crazy and then have to do sketches where i'm like yeah did they like that sucks like how how involved in the writing process did they let you because i know that you're you like write sketch comedy that's i brought mckeever yeah he's the one who does a majority of the writing yeah did you guys actually bring your own shit to them or were we like hey we're gonna do we brought a couple sketches but day one was when we had to pitch them and it was a very uncomfortable day and then we got in a room with a bunch of the writers and we're like here's some ideas we we have. And we would tell the jokes and they would be like, huh.
We were immediately like, all right, we're not pitching anything else ever again. We suck.
You guys are right. Also, just use the good shit for yourself.
Yeah. There's also that.
Yeah. There was a tweet.
One Barstool employee after your monologue tweeted this. Shane Gillis on SNL saying gay, retarded, and cracker is exactly what we needed.

Do you think, is that tweet?

We saved America.

That felt good, honestly.

Would you say that tweet's more gay or retarded?

I would say that's...

You know who tweeted that?

Who?

Will.

Yeah, Will Compton.

We're like, dude, it was...

It was Will who was retarded.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Will was just like,

Shane Gillis just saved America.

Yeah, there was a lot of pressure

Thank you. you're like we're like dude it was will is retarded yeah will was just like jingles just saved america yeah there was a lot of pressure on that fucking monologue did you so the big question though is and hold on there's one here this one's my favorite it's like shane gill is bringing back calling things gay and retarded on snl like we used to in middle school and it's uh oh shit i'm airplane mode it's the it's this Michigan fan that's like, this shit means something to me, man.
Like a guy crying like, it means something to me. The big question is though, was there ever even like a small part of you that was like, maybe I should do the Bud Dwyer? Because you said you were going to do the Bud Dwyer.
Yeah, I said I was going to kill him. If I ever got back, I would say, live from my mouth, this fucking gun.
Kill myself. Like, obviously, I don't want you to die.
I would have been the, yeah, that would have been the coolest. But was there a small part of you that was like, what if I did? It's almost like getting on the top of a tall building.
You're like, what if I jumped? Yeah, yeah. Obviously, I understand I would be the coolest guy of all time.
If I got back on SNL and blew my head off on live television. That might be the biggest entertainment story of all time.
It would be up there. Bud Dwyer was huge.
Yeah. And that was just some fucking guy.
Yeah. Whatever he was.
That would have, I mean, there was a small part of me watching it being like, what if he did? I actually think they would have had to cancel. They would have canceled SNL.
Yeah. Yeah, no shit.
They would have canceled NBC. Especially because you said you were going to do it, too.
You telegraphed it. They're like, why would they let him on? There's no live television ever again for anyone.
The gambling sketch you did felt very pointed. That had nothing to do with me.
didn't write that because i was i was watching it live with my wife yeah she literally was just staring at me the entire time that sketch was going yeah she's like huh and i was like what what what yeah that was a good one yeah i liked that yeah so i mean yeah you your your stuff is uh the stuff you guys you you do with McKeever is incredible. And you have a new show coming on Netflix.
On Netflix, yeah. Tires that you paid for yourself.
Yes. Which is awesome.
Yeah. So you were just like, fuck it, I'm going to do this show.
And I want my friends to be in it. Like, was there ever a doubt, like, you would get to this point where it's like, I can now bring all my friends along and pay for this shit? Well, the reason I'm friends with them is they're good.
All right. I have a bunch of friends that I didn't bring along.
Oh, shit. Sass is listening to this right now.
Francis. Oh, Nate.
Fuck you, Nate. Nate in the corner.
No, Francis is in it. Oh, Francis is in it? Francis is actually in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Yeah, no, it wasn't like that. I mean, these guys, it's not like I'm bringing that.
They're great. Like McKeever and the guy that's in it who's like actually the main character is Steve Gerben and people are going to love him.
He's as funny as it gets. Yeah.
Yeah. It's easy to, yeah.
It's easy to work with those guys. Was it, were you feeling like there's a big risk to fund it myself or you're like, I know it's going to be funny? No, because we did it with Gillian Keeves.
I funded that. funded that yeah and it was like we can just put it behind a paywall and i'll make i'll at least make it back right or close to make it back right and then with me it's easy because if we put all these sketches out even if i didn't make the money back it'll result in ticket sales right and i'll make the money back yeah that way it's also nice to just run it yourself so nobody has any chance of telling you like hey take this out don't do this yeah or like get embarrassed if somebody doesn't like one of the sketches that you do yeah i guess that's a nice bit of freedom that that's hard that was hard about snl is having zero creative control really right because i never work with other people right it's always me and my friends or stand up yeah the it's i i don't i I really am not trying to be this guy being like, you beat the system.

But have you had that thought, like, I kind of beat the system?

Because now it's like Netflix is like, oh, yeah, we want to put your show on.

SNL is inviting you back.

All this stuff. I think that's a lot of your story arc where people are drawn to you because it's like, you beat the system.

You did it your way.

Yeah.

And people ride for an underdog like that. For sure think though now that is the system yeah now it's right that that just is the system now if you want to do comedy it's like you kind of got to make it yourself yeah yeah it's like we're talking to stavi about that yeah stavi's another guy doing your own thing and having all that control it's really the way to go um stabby also i don't know if you heard the episode he did with us but he's obviously a big baltimore ravens he's in he's in tires yeah yeah yeah a lot yeah yeah he uh he he had his brain set on the ravens winning the super bowl on his birthday this year and then it took him like a week to process the loss he was just locked up in his apartment or his house in baltimore just eating ice cream all day like just in the dark thinking he didn't need that fucking raven's loss to eat all that ice cream i'm so depressed i think we were the first people to talk to him we had him on on like the thursday after they lost yeah he was having fun this season yeah yeah he was like the face of the raven i know it kind of became that it built up to this point where he was dead certain that his birthday, they were going to win the Super Bowl.
Then he was going to party with the team and become best friends with everyone. Then when they lost, it just crushed him.
If you're anything like Max, who's also an Eagles fan. How's that Nova? They're actually coming back.
We're cooking. We're cooking right now.
Dude, I told you. Yeah, we're good.
A lot of game. We're good.
A lot of game. Max was not that same way when the Eagles lost.
He saw that coming like a mile away. As an Eagles fan, were you like, did you have any hope this season? This year, no.
Yeah. I mean, when they were 10-1, I was like, fuck.
We're doing it again. 10-1.
Yeah. It was way different than last year, though.
Last year, they were fucking, or the year before, they were fucking people up. It was like magical.
Yeah. Yeah.
This year was very, like, struggling a lot. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. That was obvious.
Yeah. But then, you know, they get in the playoffs.
You're like, hey, maybe they're. Magic.
Yeah. Maybe they got a chance.
I think I bet on them against the Bucs. I was like, they've been there.
It's like so fucking stupid. It's like.
Yeah. You see.
The writing was on the wall with that. They were falling apart the entire.
The second half of the season was crazy. As soon as they lost Big Dom.
True. It was over.
Yeah. Big Dom was what kept it all together.
He's the man. Yeah.
So, all right. So, Eagles – the one thing that I feel like you have a cheat code to, most comedians – maybe I'm wrong, but a lot of comedians aren't, like, huge sports fans.
Is that – I feel like that's fair. Yeah, for sure.
Burr's obviously – Bill Burr's a huge sports fan. we have him on he just like rants about sports we're like great didn't you have something to plug but you get like i feel like all the all the athletes are like drawn to you because you're like i'm a huge sports fan i talk about sports in my set yeah like all these guys can relate to me yeah it's nice's nice.
No other comics really talk about playing football.

Right.

Everybody played high school football.

And you get to just eat it all up.

Yeah, it's nice.

It's fucking sick.

It's easy.

Every city you go to, it's like,

oh, there's the entire offensive line of that.

Yeah, it's always the O-line.

That feels good, dude.

The O-line is always out for it.

Love seeing the big dudes.

Yeah.

You played it.

Was it Elon?

Yeah.

You played it at Elon?

I played one year.

I sucked.

What was that like playing there? It was awesome awesome other than getting my fucking ass kicked every day yeah it's a cool school it's so i've heard good thing i had a bunch of friends that went there because i grew up in virginia so like the the good athletes if they don't get into like virginia tech doesn't hit them yeah like elon's a good place to go but like did you start there no i went well pretty much much, yeah. I went to Army for three weeks.
Okay. Which is hilarious because your story about quitting Army is the most relatable story ever because if you put me in West Point for a week, I'd be like, I want to go home right now.
Dude, I quit. Did I ever tell you that with the parade? No.
All right, so day one when you get to West Point, your parents drop you off at like 5 in the morning. You go through, it's called Our Day, I think.
So that's where they shave your head, give you fucking uniform, teach you how to march. And then at the end of the day, all the parents line the road and all the cadets march past them.
So they see their kids becoming soldiers. And my mom was waving a little American flag.
And I was like marching past them i was like i'm leaving i'm quitting right when i got past them i was like i'm fucking quitting i'm out of here i hate it my mom was like i just watched her lower her flag yeah was it like day one you got there and you're like uh i knew i was i don't think i knew i was fucked like three months before i got there i was like damn i'm fucked I'm fucked on this. They give you like, you know, any football program gives you like a workout program for the summer.
Didn't touch it. Gained fucking 40 pounds.
Did you get your head shaved? Yeah. I still had to get my head shaved.
You had to get your head shaved. I got sworn into the military.
You got to swear in. So you were sitting, you were like, flash forward like three weeks, and you're sitting in your parents' basement with your head shaved being like, that happened.
No, it was, I had to go straight to Elon. Oh, okay.
Because I quit. It was early enough at West Point.
Boot camp starts early before preseason football. So I got to leave boot camp to go to fucking preseason.
Oh, okay. So that's at least a matter.
No, that blew. That was way way harder than fucking west point do you uh when you watch like the army navy game do you find yourself rooting for army uh no i don't give a fuck yeah a little bit a little bit yeah at first i was there was still a part of me that i was like yeah that's part of the boys did you make a friend uh no like a one connection like the, dude.
Did you have, like, one connection? Like, everyone in college, like, your first week, you meet that one guy. You're like, we're going to be best friends forever.
Well, yeah, there were a couple guys. Like, we took, like, official visits together and recruited together.
But I was like, yeah, that's going to be my guy. Yeah.
And then I remember when I was quitting, I saw him. He was standing at attention watching me, like, walk by.
And he was like. You had to walk by wait you had to walk by like a whole group of yeah when you quit you have to be in like a platoon of fucking quitters no and they still keep you there for like an extra week how many quitters were there there's a couple quitters there's probably not that many out of a thousand there was like 20 of us dude i wouldn't i wouldn't i would quit't.
I mean, yeah. Like, I wouldn't have even signed up.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I, for real, don't know what I was thinking.

But that's, like, a very relatable thing.

Like, everyone has that where they're like, I'm going to be great.

Yeah, I was like, I could be the fucking president.

Dude, it was, but they get your parents.

They do a really good job of getting your parents.

So my parents were, like, locked in.

They were like, this is awesome. Our son's going to be a fucking hero job of getting your parents.
So my parents were like locked in. They're like,

this is awesome.

Our son's going to be

a fucking hero.

I remember telling my dad once,

I was like,

fucking,

I got to go to war?

What if I fucking die?

He's like,

is that so bad?

Dying for your country?

I was like,

you didn't fucking,

you didn't do anything.

Why are you fucking

saying that to me?

Dude,

Big Phil rocks.

He does rock.

Shade's dad

is in a lot of his comedy.

I was laughing so hard

when you,

because I know you were

like hard on yourself

Thank you. that to me dude big phil rocks he does rock he's shades that is in a lot of his comedy i i was laughing so hard when you because i know you were like hard on yourself for your monologue for parts but when you just like like yeah i brought him just to roast him up yeah yeah no that was the other thing about the monologue like that's you've seen me do stand-up that's how i do stand right like the whole time i'm in the room i'm like ah you didn't laugh at that whatever fuck you that it's so natural if you you do that in a – an SNL monologue usually isn't somebody in the room fucking around.
Like, oh, the lights are bright. This is crazy.
I can see all you not laughing. Yeah.
They were laughing. You can hear – it's very loud.
Yeah. Laughter.
Yeah. But that's natural.
And one of the jokes was about people not laughing was me being like, my niece has Down syndrome. I thought that would get a bigger laugh.
Like, oh, he's bombing.

It's like, no, that's the joke.

That's the insane thing to expect to laugh for.

Yeah.

That was a great little stretch we had

with you doing the monologue and then Sidney Sweeney.

Yeah.

Did you meet her?

America's so back.

No, I did not meet Sidney Sweeney.

Fuck.

But cool story.

I was doing Radio City the next week

while Sidney was doing Sidney, you know. Sid.
You know how me and Sid talk. That's crazy.
She was, there was people, me and, it wasn't you, was it? Oh, it was James. We're standing on the corner by Radio City, and these two people behind us are talking about it because my name was on there.
And they're like, oh, that's the guy that got canceled. He was on SNL.
And then I turned around. I was like, I hear that guy's a fucking asshole.
And then they were like, oh, our daughter's hosting this weekend. And I was like, oh, you're Sydney Sweeney's mom? Holy shit.
This is crazy. And then they were like, yeah, we're here all week for it.
And I was like, do you guys want to come to a show? And they were like, yeah. Oh.
I think Sidney Sweeney's mom came to my show. Do you think Sidney came? No.
She was working. But otherwise, she definitely would have.
She would have 100%. God, I can't believe me and her are an item now.
What? Dude, I actually do think that that's like your last step in superstardom. Sidney Sweeney? No.
Yeah, yeah. Not Sidney Sweeney.
But like, I'm going to predict it. I do think you're going to date a Hollywood A-lister and everyone's going to be like, that's our hero, Shane.
No chance any of these girls would put up with what I do. That's not true.
You're funny. Funny means everything.
No, if a girl's with me, she watches me play Xbox for seven hours. They don't stick around, dude.
What's your game? I can't change. Right? It fluctuates, but usually FIFA.
How pumped are you for college football? I'm dead when that comes out. I'm shutting it down.
My whole life is going to be over. Yeah.
I mean, I did that for all of COVID. Oh, we were talking about that.
Yeah, me too. I had an online dynasty over COVID.
It was the best. Dude, when I started doing it, because there was no sports, I was doing it on Twitch.
Oh, I remember you guys were filming that. I had like 100,000 people watch me lose the national title to Virginia Tech.
There was no sports on. We were so starved for sports.
We were like, I would watch Big Cat play a video game sports because I get to see the green grass, and I get to see a ball, and it looks like the score's on the TV, and I feel like I'm actually watching sports. It was great.
And it was was like fucked up in my house too because my wife would just be like, why are you down? I'm like, we had a fucking tough game against Baylor this week. Yeah, Baylor, you were tough.
Me and my friends had, well, they're not even like, they are my friends now, but so when I left Elon, I got an underage drinking and just left Elon. I never went back to handle that issue.
It's a theme now, yeah. Yeah.
So then like a year later, I got a warrant for my arrest in North Carolina. Yes.
And so my dad had to drive me back. This is ultimate rock bottom.
I'm going to like Harrisburg Community College a year after I was supposed to be at West Point and my dad had to drive me from Pennsylvania

North Carolina to go to court and so I had to get community service so I just coached uh like peewee football team there's all my friends little brothers yeah it was the best I actually loved it yeah but then me and those kids had an online dynasty together I was like 23 they were all like fifth graders

I was fucking

running the score

up on them

so that those had an online dynasty together. I was like 23.
They were all like fifth graders. I was fucking running the score up on them.
So then those same kids when COVID happened are like adults now. And we got the dynasty back together.
It was wonderful. Yeah, it was great.
And you're the coach. That's hilarious.
Yeah, it was great. Were you Notre Dame? Do you play as Notre Dame? I usually don't.
Yeah, you can't do that. You got to build it up too.
Yeah, we got to get a conference It's an online dynasty. You've got to pick a conference.
Yeah. Yeah.
Arch Manning's not going to be in the new video game, though. I saw that.
He said he's bowing out. Or he wants to focus on football.
So I don't know how that would distract him from playing football. Yeah, I don't understand why they did that.
I think it's because if you're a Texas fan, every Texas fan that plays as the Longhorns, if you have the opportunity to start Eli Manning or or Quinn Ewers who's a started quarterback, you're going to start Arch Manning. You're going to put Arch Manning as quarterback and then everyone's going to be like, yo, fuck Quinn Ewers, why is he playing in real life? Because everyone's playing as Arch in the video game.
And I think Arch was trying to be a good teammate to be like, I don't want all this pressure on my teammate Quinn. Oh, that's nice.
Because everyone's going to play as me. That's my theory.
Quinn's the fucking man. Yeah.
I honestly think that if he was, like if I was in a video game, I'd just play as myself the whole time. So when he says I want to focus on football, I actually think he's being honest.
Oh, yeah. Like I would just spend so much time playing as myself.
Yeah. Because that's what I would do.
Of course. Yeah.
If you're in the game. I play as the left guard the entire game.

Hey, it's Rhea from Chicks in the Office.

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and Abercrombie has the ones to go out in.

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It's one of those skirts that fits the outfit vibe for any plans.

And I'm excited to style their new Sienna skort.

It's a little more flirty, and it's perfect for a date night. Make plans to go out in abercrombie shop their newest arrivals in store and online what was uh lame question what was the moment that you're like i can do this for a living i have no idea probably probably when i won philly's funniest there's a tournament and or a competition in philly every year.
That was a big deal. Philly's, like, crushing right now.
Philly's doing well right now, yeah. Yeah.
I feel like all these funny, like, shitload of things are coming out of there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
RU Garbage Guys came out of there. Yeah.
McCusker, McKeever, Tommy Pope, O'Connor. Yeah.
Yeah, it's a good group. Nate Marshall, LaMare Lee, Sean Gardini.
Get them all in there. Yeah.
Philly's so funny because it's like a- Rhone. Everyone I feel like people from Philly Have like a little bit Of sleaziness to them But they love that part They like Are very open about How sleazy they are Whereas some other cities Aren't that Yeah that's why Boston Was so good Yeah Boston was Boston's like the best Comedy city ever Is there a bad comedy town? Like maybe not From people from that town but like to play to do stand-up like yeah there's like new orleans and miami or yeah i've heard that i've heard that about stand-up and also music yeah like it's tough to play shows in new orleans because you're competing against everything yeah everything yeah it's a parade of drunk people yeah yeah when we had jay okerson on he was like we're like what's the best he's like just anywhere pick anywhere in the middle of Ohio.
Ohio's good. Yeah, he was like, we're like, what's the best? He's like, just anywhere,

pick anywhere in the middle of Ohio.

Ohio's good.

Yeah,

he's like,

it rocks.

It's just the,

like the most average people.

I think Boston and Philly are the,

those are my favorite.

Yeah.

Boston's always good.

Yeah.

That was like the first place I sold out a club.

Yeah.

Was Boston.

That's,

and now you're gonna,

you're doing arena,

you're doing one in L.A.?

Doing some arenas.

Yeah,

we'll see how that goes. I don't know how comedy fits in an arena, but whatever.
Yeah. We'll see.
Swash forward Madison Square Garden? Yeah. Probably.
That's got to be wild going out, not being able to see the back of the club. Not being able to see all the people that are there.
Theaters, like last night, you can only see the front three rows. I'll go out at the end of the show and be like, oh, this is what it looked like.
Yeah. This place is nice.
Yeah. So, what's next besides, like, arena tours? What's the next thing that you want to accomplish? College football.
I mean, arena tour is crazy. I don't know how long I'll do that.
I'm going to see what it's like. I would say making, like, some movies with, like, McKeever and my friends.
Yeah. Yeah.
probably do that this year, hopefully. Be like the new Adam Sandler.
Yeah, yeah. All your friends.
That would be perfect. That's got to be the most rewarding part.
It's just like all your boys are coming along. Yeah, and they're coming down to Austin too.
And it's like, yeah, that's like what Ruff House did with McBride. Yeah.
He has all his crew down in South Carolina. Yeah.
That's awesome. That's so sad.
My favorite thing Sandler did was he just started filming movies in Hawaii. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Every movie, yeah. We're going to have my boys.
By the way, that's our movie idea. It's in like Florida.
I love that. Yeah, yeah.
Going vacation. Just spend three months in Key West.
Fuck it. Yeah.
Yeah, Austin's a cool town. I've heard good and bad things about it as a comedy town.
So I lived there for about 10 years, but it was before like uh the rogan that whole yeah like the comedy mothership or whatever went there how have you has it like changed since you've been down there i've only been down there since like november but i was going there the last like two years yeah there's there's a ton of comics there now and it's it is like a comedy town yeah people go there now to just go to the comedy clubs yeah that's cool it's just so fucking hot down it is fucking hot as hell you haven't even done a song i feel like you don't

do well in the heat fuck no dude it's gonna be inside for 110 degrees between like june and

august every thank god for the college football game coming back yeah that's a godsend in the

summer it is yeah i austin's uh i don't know i still obviously new york is still the best

at comedy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The comedy seller,

I think,

is,

yeah.

Yeah,

because don't you have to get past that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah at comedy. Yeah.
The comedy seller, I think, is, yeah. Yeah, because don't you have to get past there, too, and everything? That's how Rogan's Club is, though.
Oh, really? Rogan's Club, yeah. They adopted a lot of the stuff they were doing at the comedy store, which is like, there's like door guys, that's a cool thing.
That is cool. So at the comedy store, you can get hired as a door guy, and then work your way up to actually being a comedian there.
Who passed you there when you first started in New York? Wait, which club, you mean? Yeah, or like which – The Stand Comedy Club booked me pretty early. Yeah.
And then the cellar I auditioned, I took an Adderall that day i didn't know it was an audition so like three years ago i auditioned for like a comedy central show it was comedy central live at the cellar and um i was hung over i took an adderall during the day which i can't perform if you take an adderall i can't do stand-up. I cannot.
I don't know what it is. Yeah.

I just get too focused.

Nothing's funny.

I'll say something,

I'll be like,

why would I say that?

It doesn't even make sense.

But I just bombed my audition

and then two years later,

they were just like,

do you want to work here?

I was like, yes.

Yeah.

Please.

That rocks.

That's a great story.

Whatever.

At the Super Bowl?

No, that was...

No, I suck.

Whatever.

Did you take an Adderall? I wish. I'd be flying.
You remember at the Super Bowl? Was it last year when you were staying with Burt? Yeah. And we showed up, and then Max was texting.
Who were you texting with? Dallas Goddard. Yeah, Dallas Goddard.
It was like a different Dallas Goddard or something. It was a different Dallas.
Dallas Goddard's friend that was also named Dallas. Yeah.
Who also knew my mutual. I mean, I got fucked there.
That was bullshit. Anyone would have thought that was Dallas Goddard.
Yeah, but except for the fact that he was asking what you were doing the night before the Super Bowl. Yeah.
Dallas Goddard wants to come hang out. That was a pretty good.
Yeah, but Shane took your phone and texted him. What's up, player? Sup, big time player.
It was like, sup. It was sup.
It was sup. It was sup player and then sup player player.
And then he said, what's up with you? And you said, you wrote back, coolin'. It was sup, no answer, and then sup big player.
Sup big player. Is it exhausting hanging out with Burt? Because I feel like that dude Because I feel like that dude doesn't stop.
I think we went into your room. Oh, that Super Bowl, I was like.
Yeah, because it films everything. It's kind of like Barstool.
Yeah, obviously, I don't like being on camera. Yeah, it's a lot.
But he's cool with it. Bert will be like, hey, everybody, we're doing this activity.
I'm just not. Don't leave me alone That morning you were hungover you're sleeping in And then Bert just opened up your bedroom door Just completely naked and shook his face Warning That week was hell That was a long week On Monday you texted me And you're like I'm going to take it easy this week And then flash forward forward to like 1 a.m.
and Shane and I were not taking it easy. And it was, yeah, it was like, this is Monday night.
And you're. I did not take it easy.
Did not take it easy. The opposite of taking it easy.
When as hard as you can, when you're supposed to be taking it easy, that was a mistake. Yeah, it was a mistake.
I set the tone for the week. The rest of the week, I was trying to catch up from Monday.
Once you do what we're doing Monday, yeah, it doesn't really get easier after that. And then spending that whole week in the house with, like, Bert and, like, five other comics, just constantly, like, come on, we're doing a podcast.
We're filming something. Like, I'm not doing a fucking podcast.
Yeah. There's a podcast he did.
It's crazy how shitty I look. It was Bustin' with the Boys on Bert's cooking show show, and I was just walking around, and they were like, Shane, get on.
I was like, dude, no. I didn't talk.
I didn't say a word the entire podcast. I did one with Barstool, too, where I didn't talk.
Oh, yeah, with Kevin and Pites. I literally, you can do a word count on that.
I did not speak for like two straight hours. I do feel bad because I was begging.
It was in the fucking sun.

I was sitting there getting sunburned.

You do do a lot of podcasts.

Yeah, and I don't think it's good for me.

Why?

I don't want to get overexposed.

You're the Taylor Swift for white men.

No, dude, shut up.

Yeah.

There's only like so many jokes that you can say or like so many hours where you can be on well you have your own podcast yeah and i have my own podcast and yeah i like this though this is nice yeah i was trying to make it i wanted to do this and i know how much you were trying to make it really and i went i was like dude i'll do it i promise i'll do it yeah we sent the big guns we had hank get drunk with you hank got real drunk yeah hank's mission last night how How's Hank doing? I don't know. He's still young enough.
Yeah, he seemed to be handling it well, because when we were leaving, he was banged up. I was like, this guy's going to be- He's not going to make it tomorrow.
Dude, he's on a hot streak. He lost his phone last weekend, hanging out booking guests on the podcast this weekend.
He got fucked up last night. Did he really? Yeah, he got fucked up, but so did we.
Nate, you were terrible. You embarrassed me.
Nate's actually, that's my friend Nate. He's a black pedophile.
What's the origin of that? Because I think you said that last time. Oh, I said it in front of Jerry Rice.
Jerry Rice laughed at it. You were doing a show like the Super Bowl.
All Super Bowl, yeah. In front of NFL legend.
Literally comedy nightmare show. At a dinner table, right? Yeah, it was this guy who's a very rich guy, and he was like, do you want to come to this dinner? And then it was, here's the list of the people that are going to be at the dinner, and it was for real.
It was like Dan Marino, Steve Young, Jerry Rice, Michael Vick, Ed Reed, Shannon Sharp, Tony Gonzalez, Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas. Like it was like Dan Marino Steve Young Jerry Rice Michael Vick Ed Reed Shannon Sharp Tony Gonzalez Jim Kelly Thurman Thomas like it was the coolest fucking right McNabb and then uh he was like you can do stand-up it's like do you want to stand-up and I was like dude I can't there's no stage or mic it's literally in his steakhouse right he's like yeah just stand up and do make us laugh oh and i did say no and he was cool with it at first and then i realized how much he wanted me to do it so i was like all right i'll do it i just had to stand up and i was sitting next to jerry rice so i stood up at the table started doing stand-up and i saw jerry rice like at the beginning laughing and then just look at his literally this is a five minute set and he's already like this standing next to me.
And then I ended it. I was like, whatever.
That's fucking Shannon Sharp. Don't tell Cat Williams I suck.
This is my friend Nate. He's a black pedophile.
And I watch Jerry. I just go, ha ha.
Nice. That's a good close.
Made him laugh. Made him laugh.
That's like he basically did the like, oh, you do standup, tell me a joke. Yes.
But he was a big standup fan and he's, yeah, he wasn't that type of guy. That's brutal.
I'm sure you get that a lot. And he let me go though.
Like he gave a speech at first and then he was like, and now, and then I was sitting next to him. I was like, no, I'm not going on.
Right. And he was like, all right, that's fine.
Yeah. He was being nice.

Did Lil Shane want to grow up to be a comedian or a football player?

Definitely football.

And then- Or a United States soldier.

I wanted to be a fucking U.S. Army soldier and protect this country.

Yeah.

I wanted to protect quarterbacks in the country.

Not a big deal.

But then, yeah, I would say like junior or senior year of high school, I was like- It was when Old School came out. The movie Old School.
And I remember watching my dad like love it. Yeah.
I'd be like, damn, I wish I was Will Ferrell. Yeah.
And that's when that kind of started. Yeah.
That's, I mean, Will Ferrell. Yeah.
I mean, we're about the same age. Yeah.
That string of movies was like even like Old School, Wedding Crashers, all those. Yeah.
Fuck, this is awesome.

These guys rock.

Yeah, that was the best.

Yeah.

I did always fuck around, yeah.

I was always trying to be funny.

That was like the golden age, for us at least, growing up at comedy.

It was like mid-2000s.

And I was talking to my buddy Big T like two days ago, and he was like, they haven't made a good comedy movie since like 2015.

Or do you think that there's like not as good comedy movies coming out?

No, they haven't really. Like Hangover was probably one of the last yeah yeah great ones yeah they don't really talk about yeah like i guess train wreck got a lot of i mean that was pretty funny but still uh the train wreck the lady the the girl one yeah oh yeah comedy the girl comedy ghostbusters yeah is funny.
Lady comedy. The girl comedy.
Ghostbusters. Yeah.
Like, oh, yeah. Girls can be funny.
Girls are good. They're very funny.
Yeah. Very funny.
That one. I mean, I love Melissa McCarthy.
Yeah. Yeah.
It is crazy, though, because it feels like every comedy now has to be like a sad story, too. Where it's like, even I love that movie that Pete Davidson did.
The one- Staten Island? Yeah. Yeah.

That was great, and it was funny.

Yeah.

Or even like Silver Linings Playbook, which has funny moments. God, I love Silver Linings Playbook, dude.

But it's also very serious.

So you got to save comedy.

Yeah.

I'm not trying to put pressure on you, but-

No, but you're going to make comedy movies set in Florida, and it's going to bring this

country back.

Yeah.

True.

And as long as you say a couple slurs- I can say Cracker. Yeah, Will Compton would be like, this fucking rocks.
Will Compton. Comedy's back, dude.
He said Cracker on NBC. This guy said gay.
Yeah. Thank you for your surface.
That was big, dude. Yeah, it was.
It was a crazy run. Did they say it? I got bitch, whack off.
Yeah. Gay, retard.
I got some wild shit on there. Did they try to stop you with any of that? No.
Lauren was awesome with that. There was one moment where in between rehearsal where I ran the monologue and I forgot all those.
I'd left all those out. And then in between rehearsal and the actual show, you have like a half hour.
And I was sitting with him and I was like, I didn't do everything I was going to do. And here's some of the words I'm going to say.
And a lady was in the office with us and she got up to like, be like, I'll go check and see if we can say those. and he was like i didn't do everything i was gonna do and here's some of the words i'm gonna say and a lady was in the office with us and she got up to like be like i'll go check and see if we can say those and he was like don't check wow like just go do it that's cool yeah lauren's awesome did he have a moment where he's like i fucked up he had been like that he yeah he yeah he had your day one he was like i wanted you on the show yeah yeah that's yeah i mean it was were talking in the car, like, not that it's the same, because yours is very different that it happened like that, but we had the similar thing with Barstool Van Talk, where it's like, get the show, lose the show.
Yeah. And everyone's like, congrats, and everyone's like, you guys suck.
Congrats. Yeah, that was tough.
The amount of, like, when they announced me on SNL was just a million. Congrats, dude.
You did did it and then i didn't have time to respond to any of them so then five hours later whenever i started getting canceled people were like it's okay dude you're gonna be okay and then three days later four days later when i got fired it was like fuck them anyway dude fuck that job it's a lot i didn't reply to any of them so you get to see someone be like congrats snl's amazing you're gonna be all right don't worry about it fuck snl dude who gives a shit then i'd be like yeah dude yeah just reply to just the congrats ones be like thanks yeah after you get fired dude uh but in a way and for us at least it felt this way it might feel this way for you too uh getting fired after one show is way better than getting fired if it was like a month or two months later yeah i think so too because then you put all that work in yeah and then some people could be like oh you couldn't cut it if you were funnier you would have you would have made it yes but the fact that it happened so quickly it's like okay it's not us it's them yes that are firing us right yeah and everyone spins it a different way where they're like okay they like it wasn't it was powers above them that made this decision not because they sucked which we probably would have sucked eventually. We did one episode, and we were like, we never would have been able to sustain that.
So we got lucky. The first episode almost killed us.
Yeah. Yeah.
That was, you guys, I mean, McAfee's doing well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's got that, that's what's so good about it, is it's just a fucking podcast. Well, it's just.
It's just fucking around. Yeah.
You know. The pendulum swung all the way back.
The pendulum has swung. It has.
Like, it was. There was a time and place where everyone was like, this is the new order.
And, like, this is what, you know, people can't, like, take risks anymore. And then it's come all the way back.
It's like, what the fuck? We'll see, though. Yeah.
Oh, you think it's come back on us? I think this election is going to swing it back. Oh'll go back it'll go back to being yeah yeah it's gonna get hot on the streets you're probably right how many times do people ask you to do the trump like just on the on like a lot yeah i mean it's better than people ask me to take a picture and they'll be like can you do trump real quick and it's like no just let's take a picture man this is nice why do we have to but it's better the worst is like let's take a picture and then can you do retard face dude don't say it like that do you do trump do you trump face like could you do a trump face in a picture no what he does uh yeah that was pretty good i saw it there for a second yeah you do the suck in that's so perfect yeah that yeah the guy they have on snl is incredible yeah yeah it's fucking wild yeah he's really good at like talking he can speak exactly how trump talks like we filmed the sketch and he just would rant and be like i'm trying to think we did a sketch about like getting sneakers and he's like and they're not even giving sneakers to young men anymore what's happening when i was here that wasn't the like he just goes it was really good i'm not doing it proper but whatever no that was good do you uh do you know alex jones no have you ever met him i have not i do know of him yeah obviously shit rocks but i used to listen to him every day in my car at lunch in austin when he was, this is what I don't like about what Alex has kind of become now is like,

he used to be so much crazier back in the day.

Like he used to be into, he used to like get on the air and be like Hillary Clinton is,

she's actually a Brazilian and she smells like sulfur because she's the devil.

And so I'd listen to that on my lunch break in Austin, in my pickup truck.

Like every day I get there, I get my sandwich and turn on Alex Jones.

And now it's like,

I almost want to say

he's becoming too mainstream

where he's nerfing

some of his takes.

True.

And I miss the old school

uncut Alex.

That happens to all of us.

I know.

In the end,

that happens to all of us.

I know.

Alex Jones went woke.

He did go woke.

It's sad.

He got sued for $1 billion.

Yeah.

So he's just fucked forever.

It's also very funny

to think that Alex Jones

has a billion dollars.

Yeah.

He might get it. Dude, I would love to be sued.
Somebody sues me and they're like, yeah, I think you have a billion dollars to give me. I'd be like, thank you.
Just sued for one billion. When he was on trial, the chili thing was like, remember that? That was it.
He answered a question. They asked him the names or to remember something in his past.
He's like, I don't know. I had a big bowl of chili that day, and so my mind wasn't really working.
But it's like that's the truth. If you eat a big bowl of chili, it will fuck you up.
He only can tell the truth. You eat a big bowl of chili, you're like, I need to lay down somewhere.
I can't answer questions. That's awesome.
I can't be a little responsible. That's a fucking answer., dude.
Anyone who's not in tip-top shape, you eat anything. You eat a bowl of chili.
You eat a bowl of chili. Shot, dude.
Pizza. I crush those parm subs.
Yeah. I'm struggling.
And it just sits in your belly, and you're just like, I don't want to do anything right now. He had ...
What was the answer he had? Someone was like, so you think the government covered up a pedophile ring or something? He's like, like Jeffrey epstein fair point yeah that one you got us on uh all right we've got got a couple last questions it's been awesome shane uh we'll have you back on anytime you're in town what uh how tired are you your fucking your schedule is insane no it's it's not that's the thing that's one thing that's yeah uh it's just as hard as it was it was harder when i was i would have to do like six shows every fucking weekend at clubs right in the middle of fucking ohio right you know like you'd have to go to the albany funny bone and it's a blizzard and you have to perform six shows yeah and it was usually it was Thursdayursday to sunday every fucking week that's a lot now it's like it's it's easier yeah i just i mean like you guys like going every single weekend as hard as you guys do it's crazy yeah that's why most comedians are sober yeah yeah i'm not there yet yeah you're are you gonna get no you can't dude what if you got cleaned up and you got jacked? It became like a- That would suck. I would turn on you.
I would turn on you. People are funny when I'm trying to hide this fucking watch, dude.
I don't want to change. You haven't.
That's the thing, though. And I say that with respect.
Thank you. It's crazy.
Because it is- You see people who have success, and it's like, oh, they're a different person now. It's i don't yeah i'm old i'm older though right like i got it when i was this age right 35 36 is when it started that does change that's if i got famous when i was like 19 like some of these people yeah that's crazy yeah that would make me an insane person little sass is gonna change sass is gonna be a fucking dumb dude he's gonna od or something he's uh yeah no it's it's true though like it's and i think that actually helps like i know for myself personally like when people are like what is your dream like retirement's like have enough money to lose at gambling like that's all i want to do is just watch sports and hang out and it's like if you change then everything else like your show changes and your comedy changes and everything like that for sure it's also like when people talk about retirement what is what does retirement look like for me like i'm gonna stop watching sports with my friends and then talking about sports right after the game's over that's my job yeah yeah i don't know why would i want to retire same yeah me too it's like what do you what do you want to do and it's like i i like stand up yeah keep doing that.
I'll sit and talk with my friends and it'll be a podcast. Once I get back down to small clubs and the clubs are empty, that'll still be fun.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Depressing.
No. That's when it might be live from my mouth this fucking time.
Honestly. But, yeah.
Yeah. You got to, yeah, just do one night show only like Madison Square Garden.
Like, it's going to be the Bud Dwyer show.

Do you think that show would sell out?

If you advertise like, I will kill myself on stage tonight at the end of the show.

Yes.

People would buy tickets for that. And I think people would be pissed if I didn't do it.

So mad.

They boo you and walk off stage.

You promised us.

They call you out for an encore.

Encore, do it.

Come on.

And if that was, yeah, might string up a noose for that. That'd be fucking sick.
Hang yourself in Madison Square Garden for the Rafters. Like Sting coming down? Just keep your body up there next to the Billy Joel banner.
Shane Gill's killed him. Get me.
All right. Rated T for Teen.
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available now. Alright, give me the Notre Dame, what do you think, this year record.
How many games are you going to go? So there's a knock on Notre Dame every year that they have a week schedule. They never do.
No, they never do. Always top fucking 15 at least.
They do every five years. You get a down USC, a down you know Stanford this year the schedule is weak oh on ahead of it on paper look at this okay so so it's A&M week one I'll be there where's that that's in it's in College Station oh that'll be fun uh Northern Illinois win win at Purdue uh always – they're good for one of those weird games over here.

Purdue's sneaky.

I don't know if writing off A&M at the beginning is a win.

That's a tough –

Yeah.

That's a very talented –

New coach, yeah.

The classic Notre Dame loss is usually at home to, like, a team that they should –

like, they lose to, like, Georgia Tech or Navy.

Or remember when they lost, like, UConn?

Yeah.

Those weird ones that sneak up on you. For sure.
A Florida State in that's gonna be a good game that'll be fun yeah I think I mean they'll be good this year and the playoff team's good the schedule is easy wait who's your quarterback uh they got that kid from Duke Riley oh he's good yeah he's good he's very good he can run they got better wideouts this year the O-line took a – they lost a lot. Yeah.
But that's – Notre Dame feels like at least the last 10 years they've been like an O-line factory. Yeah.
So, wait, how many games you can go to? I'm going to definitely go to A&M. I'm going to try to go to Florida State.
I'll probably get to two or three. I love it.
I love that Riley Leonard – he's going from Duke to Notre Dame. He's just trying to make everybody hate him.
I respect that. I respect that.
Yeah, that is a very hateful. But you see the schedule.
They're probably 11-1. Yeah.
And then get fucking smoked in the playoffs against somebody. Yeah, how bad.
I have a buddy who's like a diehard Notre Dame fan and he was I remember getting live updates from the national title game against Bama and it was just like went dark after like the second quarter it was just like who I mean that was over that was over quick yeah oh so 2026 we're playing uh at Lambeau gotta go hell yeah the first week of the season oh yeah that's gonna be actually me and Soda this is something we could do. Me and Soda were talking about when NCAA comes out, getting a house, getting a bunch of dudes and getting a dynasty going.
Just doing like a full weekend dynasty? Yeah. I'm in.
You're in? Yeah. Fuck yes.
That'd be fun. Dude.
Although, let me ask you this because when I did my whole Twitch thing during COVID, I was always like a good nine, ten wins. And then I realized just running the ball wins championships.
Yeah. But that's annoying to play against.
No, dude. That's how we're playing.
You don't care? All right. So you don't like kneeling and all that? I'm kneeling the ball.
Okay. All right.
Good. I'm fucking winning.
Because that's like a touchy subject with online playing. Do you want to play for fun or do you want to play?

No, we're playing to win.

Yeah, because then it's like I run the ball 35 times.

Yeah, we're going to manage the clock.

And I run this, I slam the same.

Oh, I punt.

It's like basically the same run up the middle and then like a slant that's unguardable.

Yeah.

And then you just do that over and over.

Yeah, you can find glitch plays like that.

Notre Dame's playing Army next year too.

House divided game. Oh, too.
House Divided.

The Yankee Stadium?

Oh, shit. House Divided.

Yeah.

Are you going to change jerseys at halftime?

That would rock if Big Phil wore a Gillis Army jersey.

My dad still wears Army gear.

Yeah.

He's still prep.

He loves West Point.

I mean, he did it.

He just loves West Point.

He's ashamed of me.

He's like, you could never be a cadet. All right.
Well, Shane, thank you. Everyone, I mean, you have a tour.
Where's your – you're sold out. Yeah.
But everyone watch Tires when it comes out on Netflix. Tires is coming out in May.
Yeah, and he's going to be everywhere. I'm proud of that.
I will say I went and saw him last night. If Shane's in your city, you have to go see him.
Thanks. Like, it is – it's so fun.
He was at the late at the late show for the record there's a bunch of people that were at the early show going that sucked no but dude and that we were saying i was saying in the car like the fact that like you went from an incredible special beautiful dogs on netflix to almost instantly you have a whole new hour it's like how the fuck i'm trying yeah do people travel around and like see you at different shows? Yeah, for sure. And are they expecting new jokes at every stop? I don't know, but they seem happy to do it.
Yeah, to me, it would never occur to me to follow a comedian around. I think this second show would be like, oh, fuck, he's doing the same act.
Yeah. I'm not going to go see this.
Right. I guess I know where this joke is going.
Yeah. They probably just make friends with people.
They know their type. Yeah, yeah, their type it's like i like shane gillis fans so i'm just going to travel around and hang out who the fuck likes that it's a rowdy group it is fun yeah it is a fun group yeah we had that in in uh arizona when we were we were playing shane and i were playing shuffleboard on the same side of the table and a guy like comes up and i was like uh i'm gonna have to take a picture and shane's like no no that's one of my mutants and like two minutes later the guy comes up he's like hey shane they're not all mutants now yeah that was back then they were mutant that was original those are the that's the original podcast mutants you can see them coming you're like oh yeah you can see those guys uh they just look like me it's like i can see me walking over like oh yeah that's me you like walk into a room before they even see you you're like that guy's gonna say a hundred percent a little bit yeah yeah if they look like me that guy's excited about it all right well thank you shane no thank you guys appreciate it man you're you're the best and uh yeah whenever you're back in chicago or maybe we'll come down to austin oh yeah yeah we, we'll do it again.
Maybe we get on Matt and Shane. Maybe the Dynasty House.
Yeah, come down and do Matt and Shane's. Yeah.
Whenever you want. Sass and Roan have done it.
Oh, have you had Frank the Tank on yet? No. Bring Frank.
We got it. Come down to Austin and bring Frank.
Frank on Matt and Shane's secret podcast would be incredible. Please do.
I would love to see Matt and him. They get along That would be perfect Matt's so fucking funny

Go see Matt by the way

Matt's stand up is

He's actually going to be in Schaumburg

Frank and you guys

I don't even want to be on it

I just want to watch it

Like a live watch of you

And then just let you guys keep going

We're not even recording anymore

It's just it

I remember the first time you met Frank

Thank you. Please bring us Frank.
And then just let you guys keep going. Yes.
Like we're not even recording anymore. Please.
It's just it. Yeah.
I remember the first time you met Frank and you were like awesome. Because I'd seen him on obviously online and I didn't think I didn't know it was as real.
Yeah it was I think it was I just walked by him and I was like yeah the Mets suck. Instantly it was like I felt terrible.
I was like, my bad, dude. No, that's the thing with Frank is sometimes it's a little bit quiet in the New York office and you want to mix things up a little bit.
So you just be like, hey, what happened to the Devils game last night? You got to rattle his game. And then you keep walking and then you let everybody else around him deal with the fallout.
But he appreciates it. Sass' setup was my favorite.
Lil Sass was between him and another unit.

There's a big guy.

Was it Doug's? Doug's, yeah.

Sass and Lil Sass' desk was between them.

Yeah.

He said they were ordering more Grubhub while eating Grubhub.

Sass just sat between two giant dudes that just munched all day.

Oh, Frank is the best. Yeah.
He's the best. All right.
Well, thank you, Shane. Thank you, guys.
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No Bowl is offering off your order visit www.nobullproject.com slash barstool for 30 off your entire order that's www.nobullproject.com backslash Barstool for 30% off. Okay, let's wrap up with Matt online.
Hank. College football playoffs should be played on Saturday and the Monday after Super Bowl and should be a national holiday.
Wait, Monday after Super Bowl? Saturday before Super Bowl and Monday after Super Bowl. That'd be the longest season ever.
Very long break. I would kind of rule, though.
You get players in the transfer portal playing on the team then? Yeah. Yeah, you get some new blood.
You get to add some roster guys? If you do that, you should do the semifinals should be like one per week. Yeah.
I don't agree with this. I do not agree with this.
That is, does the person realize we already moved the Super Bowl back? Let's just focus on trying to get the Super Bowl to President's Day weekend so we get a Monday after that, and also we can get the Super Bowl to the end of February, and when you finish the Super Bowl, you're like, oh, it's spring. Yeah, that'd be nice.
That's all we got to focus on. That's too much of a break because you already have a massive break in December for college

football.

Yeah.

And then doing it, obviously bowl season, but for the teams that are in the playoff.

Yeah.

Big 10 Ocho says the NIL should be capped.

They can have different rates for five stars, four stars, et cetera.

And then bonuses for Heisman, all conference, et cetera.

Then players can sign unlimited endorsement deals.

So the best players, Menzel, Caitlin Clark,

can still make more money off their popularity.

Wait, is this Matt online or pardon your take?

I feel like these are pardon your takes.

Yeah, pardon your take.

Wait, how are they saying the most popular players can get more money?

They can sign unlimited endorsement deals, which I don't understand.

So that sounds like NIL is unlimited.

Not capped, yeah.

Not capped. I do think that college sports should get to a point where it's an actual salary cap that would be cool i think well i i tend to agree with jay billis's take that it should just be multi-year contracts for players because the big thing is if you get one year of a player then they leave that stinks i think it's bad for the sport overall and it's bad for ratings yeah the transfer i i don portal.
I know they're like chicken and egg, but the transfer portal bothers me. The NIL never has bothered me.
Yeah, players should get paid. But it's obviously because the NIL causes the transfer portal.
Yeah, they should get paid whatever the market tells them they should get paid. They're adults.
They're working. They should get money for it.
But also, in the interest of the good of the the sport doing multi-year contracts would keep players around you and then the obviously the fan base would grow custom these players it'd be good for ratings good for ticket revenue good for future players going to the schools too dolf says a mad online take for someone getting older why do these sports leagues cater so much to the west coast with game times after 9 p.m 75 of the population has to either be either east coast or midwest why does it matter if a game starts at 4 p.m west coast not on my wait what games start at 9 p.m nba games but those are i think they're talking about like the the college games on thursday and friday this week oh but that's super late but that's starting late because it's back-to-back games at the same location. No, it's starting later on just to screw Danny Hurley for some reason.
Got it. Yeah, that is true.
I'm, yeah, I mean, I do agree in principle that, like, Monday Night Football, when we lived in New York, like, starting at 8.15 sucks. And I do also agree in principle that, like, if you live in California it up because you live in california because you get to tell everyone you don't have winter and you live by the beach so you don't also get sports times but other than like moving monday night football and sunday football up a half hour i don't really know there's not a lot that you can do there's not there's not anything that's glaringly like man this is starting way too late no and also you can be you know can be, you know, if it's starting late, you can just say, well, I'm a real sports fan.
I'm going to stay up and watch it. The thing that they should focus on instead of the start time is just getting the start time correct.
I agree. That's the thing we need to put all our effort in.
When you say a game's going to start at 8 o'clock, start it at 8 o'clock. Don't start it at 8.20.
It's always, what do they use, like7 yeah when they get down to the minute the one it's the one thing that i will say positive about the sport of soccer is they do a very good job of starting exactly when they're going to start and you know that you only have two hours you have to watch it well unless there's added time added time and it's usually never and then pks yeah i mean well i'm about regular season. Like, no English Premier League game is going to go more than, like,

two and a half hours at most.

Yeah, they got that right.

And honestly, I like waking up and watching EPL on TV.

I feel like I'm in California.

And you know the time is going to start.

You know exactly when it's going to start.

It would be funny if EPL started to adjust their start times

for American audiences, though.

Yeah.

They should do that, actually.

Well, they kind of do.

They've added the afternoon games that are kind of like that. There should be a midnight game just for us Americans.
We won the Revolutionary War. We should get your soccer.
All right, last one. Kay Nasty is mad in line about Masters TV coverage.
This is a good one. Best golf tournament of the year, and we cannot watch all of it live in 2024.
It's a joke. Put it all on TV or online.
I don't care, but I want to watch it Thursday morning. Also, Keegan Bradley plus 10,000.
Okay, so. Wait, he said that or you did? He said that.
Yeah, just a public service reminder. Redownload the Masters app.
The Masters app is beautiful. But it doesn't have every.
Yeah, it's got like featured holes and featured groups. I completely agree with this take.
It's absolutely insane, but it also is... It's gotten better, though.
It has gotten better, but Augusta just loves being able to flex and be like, we get to do whatever the fuck we want. It actually pisses me off.
Thursday and Friday, it is what it is because it's like during work and I want to check in here and there. It pisses me off on Saturday and Sunday when you can't watch any live coverage on TV until like two o'clock why is there no way for every major pga tournament to watch every player at every hole it's crazy like on an app a lot of coverage there no there we we've got the technology for it hank cameras we're gonna do that for mini golf yeah you won't miss a player right hank yeah well that's 36 people not 150 one good way to shut up anyone that would be upset about the Liv PGA merger would be to just have Saudi Arabia buy infinity cameras.
This is what Liv's bringing to the table. We're buying, let's say, 20,000 cameras, so we'll have every hole covered, and then we'll build an app where you can just click on each individual golfer and get to see every shot they take.

Here's an idea, because the PGA needs money.

Why doesn't every player have their own personal app?

And you have to download that player's app, and you can watch everything they do forever.

And then it also would add the added bonus of being like, oh, this guy has literally no one watching him.

Yeah, you get to...

Or what if every hole has its own app? That would too every hole in america yeah every hole i like that which hole would you download first um probably the amon's corner whatever the fuck it's called yeah yeah or 16 16 at augustus would be a good one with verne lungquist just there forever i download 17 at sawgrass first first. We got some ideas? Got a two.
I shot a two. That's right, Max.
Thanks. Yeah, the Masters coverage of socks.
It does piss me off very much every year. I just want to be able to wake up on Saturday and Sunday and put it on my TV.
Right. That's all I want.
And I think maybe – does Golf Channel maybe have some stuff? But it's just – ESPN Plus. You just fight it, and then you see it, and you're like, you got your TV on CBS, and now you're just watching Jim Nance interview Arnie Palmer for the 7,000th time.
Just give it to us. Yeah, shout out PGA Tour Live.
When we go live, the main feed starts at 6 a.m., and they bounce around for all those tournaments. I think maybe big trackers behind this, all all the online golf trackers they don't want you to see every hole because then you have to follow the the max homer tracker the brooks kepka tracker who's the other guy she who came to him tracker yeah tracker yeah that was uh wait no who was oh tony fina was our friend colby he would do that he would become tonyinau tracker on the weekends.
The tracker world, I would love – we should actually have some of these trackers show up and just interview them. I would like to do that with trackers, and I would like to do that with all the aggregator accounts in the NFL.
Just get them in a room together. It's probably just Dove.
At one point, the Siwoo Kim tracker just started bashing me from the tracker account. Yeah.
I was like, what the hell is going on here? I've been supporting you for years. He's like, I just hate Philly sports.
Remember, I love that. I got into it with the Brooks tracker.
We had a jinx off about Brooks. Who do you think is...
It was like right before the Masters on Saturday and we just were fucking in the gutter war about jinxing. I would love to...
Who do you think is the golfer that has the least amount of followers on their tracker? I don't know. There's a couple tough ones.
Yeah. Thigala? No, that guy's been there.
He's definitely got a tracker. He's got a tracker for sure.
That's just Blutman. Blutman's Thigala? He's just all up in Thigala's shit.
Yeah, we should get some trackers up. Rookie, Jake Knapp.
he just won a tournament. He has seven followers.
Okay. The tracker.
Okay, let's get in early. A Knapp tracker.
He's great. He used to be a nightclub bouncer, and he won a few weeks ago.
He was in our feature group for our Barstool Corn Fairy event, but Jake Knapp tracker has seven followers. Get in on it.
Yeah. Yeah, and then the tracker is like when a tracker takes a day off of a tournament, that's illegal.
You should be banned from tracking. There was one tracker who was like, I'm going to play 18 this morning so I won't be able to track.
Shut the fuck up. That's your only job.
You track. Wait, this dude, Jake...
That's what you do. You track.
This dude, Jake Knapp, was a nightclub bouncer? Yeah. He looks kind of skinny to be a nightclub bouncer, huh? Well, he's jacked.
Body him. He's got a great swing.
Yeah, he's awesome. You think he had a golf club when he was bouncing? Yeah.
Yeah. He looks kind of skinny to be a nightclub bouncer, huh? Well, he's jacked.
Body him. He's got a great swing.
Yeah, he's awesome. You think he had a golf club when he was bouncing? Yeah.
He just fucking smashed people. All right.
Good show. Thanks again to Shane Gillis.
Numbers. 40.
8. 20.
77. 3.
18. Where's Pug Ben?

At the vet again?

At the vet

He really is at the vet again?

Yeah

This fucking guy

65

65?

It's 55

65

65

65

Love you guys

All for the gram

Bitches love the gram.

Bitches, love the gram.

Oh, wait.

Shit.