Shane Gillis In Studio, NFL Rule Changes, Shohei Speak + Mad Online

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Speaker 1 See Mintmobile.com. On today's part of my take, the long-awaited Shane Gillis episode.
Shane joined us in studio when he was in Chicago. Can't thank him enough.

Speaker 1 He is the busiest man in America right now. I think he's America's podcast guest, and he was nice enough to do it.
Everyone's asked him to go on the podcast, and he was like, you know what?

Speaker 1 I got to do your guys. So, shout out, Shane.
Awesome interview with Shane. We're going to talk NFL league meetings.
We got new rules that are going to be weird.

Speaker 1 We'll talk a little college basketball, Iowa, going to the Sweet 16. Maybe a little preview for Thursday night.
What we got on tap. We got Hot C, Cool Throne.

Speaker 1 We have Mad Online, which also might have been pardon your take. We got a little confused with that.

Speaker 4 When Cool Creamy Ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 4 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 4 And then I can play all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 4 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 4 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elan Trake Avenue.

Speaker 1 It's part of my take.

Speaker 5 There's another part to sports.

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Speaker 1 Today is Wednesday, March 27th. And PFT, we've got some new rules to be mad at.

Speaker 5 R.I.P., the swivel hip-drop tackle.

Speaker 1 Ah, you want to start there? Let's start there.

Speaker 5 Let's start there because, as we told you on the show, the hip-drop tackle, banning that would be a massive, massive mistake.

Speaker 1 I think you agree, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, it's a mistake for many reasons.

Speaker 1 The first reason, in my mind, is we have just added a rule that is going to be debated similar to can't land on the quarterback. There will be a big, big game decided by the hip drop.

Speaker 1 What's the penalty now?

Speaker 5 Is it 15 yards? I actually don't know if it's 15.

Speaker 1 I don't either.

Speaker 5 Does it come out? It feels like 10.15. They did it in the name of player safety.

Speaker 1 They said they banned it, but we don't know what the.

Speaker 5 I don't think it's an ejection.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it can't be an ejection. But either way, there will be a moment where this happens and it will end a drive and people are like, this is fucking bullshit.
That was football.

Speaker 1 And it's just another thing in the line of NFL tinkering with the game and making it worse.

Speaker 5 Well, they're making it, it's such a subjective call because you have to have like certain elements that are involved in the speed that the game's played at.

Speaker 5 You're going to have referees that are like, I think that was a hip-drop tackle. I'm not really sure.

Speaker 5 And to me, I think one of the biggest things they're not looking at with this is that it's a penalty that can be affected by the offense.

Speaker 5 So like a quarterback getting landed on by a defensive player, that's all on the defensive player at least, right? Yep.

Speaker 5 But if somebody's getting tackled and you're trying to fight through the tackle and you shift your weight and you hit the guy back, you can throw the guy's body around and put him in a position where now he's making a hip-drop tackle.

Speaker 5 Yes. And that's the way that he brings him down to the ground.
At that point, yes, by letter of the rule, it is a hip-drop tackle.

Speaker 5 The other thing is you're going to have the most annoying people in the world screaming hip-drop at the TV.

Speaker 1 Screenshots.

Speaker 5 Screenshots of hip-drop tackles. tackles.
You're going to have people, I don't want to name any names, but we sit next to a guy on Sundays named Jerry.

Speaker 5 When the Steelers have the ball, every time somebody makes a catch, he's going to say hip drop.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hip drop.

Speaker 1 And not only that, but to player safety. So there were a couple injuries this year with hip drop tackle.
15. 15.
15 yards.

Speaker 6 The hip drop tackle was used 230 times last season. Okay.
15 players got injured. Also, it will be a 15-yard penalty.

Speaker 1 15-yard penalty. Okay.

Speaker 6 Potential fines as well.

Speaker 1 okay so that that's good to know because that will it will it will decide a game at some point this year uh but similar to when they changed you know

Speaker 1 helmet to helmet head hunting all that stuff which was good the like waterfall effect the rundown effect is that the right word waterfall effect unintended consequences unintended consequences thank you the unintended consequences is guys now have to go after people low and at their knees and so you can't hit them above the shoulders You can't hit them like super low, but like there's nowhere to hit guys.

Speaker 1 And now you're taking away another use for the defense, making them even more difficult. I think it's going to probably add, they're taking away injuries, and there'll be injuries because of this.

Speaker 5 Yeah, because think about this. You're a defensive player.
You tackle somebody around the waist. Sometimes you end up landing on their legs.

Speaker 5 Even when you're not trying to do that. So guys are, I don't know, are they going to stop trying to wrap up around the waist and instead just go for shoestring? I don't know.

Speaker 5 I don't know what's going to happen. But I think it's a big mistake to put a rule in place because the hip-drop tackle, it wasn't a thing until like a year ago, a year and a half ago.

Speaker 5 A couple of people get injured. Yeah, when you land on somebody's legs, they probably are going to get injured.
But guess what? You get injured playing football.

Speaker 1 Yes, it is a violent game.

Speaker 1 I also think this now makes the tight end position even more valuable because a lot of the hip-drop tackles are defensive back smaller guys getting beat a little bit and trying to slow down a bigger guy with a hip-drop tackle where you try to, you know, don't ride on top of him and let him get a couple extra yards, try to stop his momentum and bring him backwards.

Speaker 1 Now that you can't do that, I think tight ends are going to eat in the flats.

Speaker 5 That's actually a good point. Yeah.
Because how are you going to tackle a tight end?

Speaker 1 Right. So it's like now every team should have the biggest, strongest tight end that can then, you can't tackle him once he gets by you.
Or even once you get parallel, you can't tackle him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't.

Speaker 5 How do you hit a guy from behind now? I don't know. The NFL doesn't want guys riding dudes from behind.

Speaker 1 I actually, you know what that might start happening? Well, actually, no, it's tripping, but it would be funny if they just started, if we just accidentally made soccer. Slide tackles.

Speaker 1 People did slide tackles on tight ends.

Speaker 5 The refs should get cards. They should get a yellow flag is 15 yards, a red flag is you're ejected.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So the other rule, which is going to be weird to look at, but I'm actually in favor of this one, is they changed the kickoff rule. Shout out to our guy, Sam Schwartzein.
This is actually his baby.

Speaker 1 He created this in the XFL. They tinkered it with it a little bit in the NFL, which is a perfect NFL thing that Sam, we know Sam well, and we've had him on the show.

Speaker 1 He spent like years working on this, testing it, doing all of the data and everything. And the NFL just like watched one PowerPoint.

Speaker 1 We're like, all right, we're going to do that, but we're going to change it, not realizing that everything that Sam did was for a reason.

Speaker 1 So they tinkered it and they took away like where the ball ends up.

Speaker 1 Sam had made it to a point where it's like, this is how you can get it so that people will always return it and you get the return back in the game.

Speaker 1 They changed a little bit of it so that might not happen.

Speaker 5 Well, what the NFL did was they made kickoffs so shitty for the last couple seasons that now we're welcoming anything that involves a return.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so the history, so people who are mad,

Speaker 1 let's start with this. It's going to look fucking weird.
If you watch the XFL, it looks weird. People will be mad week one.
It looks weird.

Speaker 1 Like, because you have guys, you have both the offense and defense or

Speaker 1 the return team and the kicking team standing 10 yards away from each other down the field, and no one can move until the ball is touched or hits the ground. So it's going to look weird.

Speaker 5 Yeah, and you have the return team, they like backpedal five yards, seven yards to wherever their spot is that they're set up to block, and it doesn't look like a kickoff because there's no big collisions.

Speaker 5 Yeah, and that's what we've seen over the years. I just think people are going to, I think people are going to actually like it.
I do too.

Speaker 5 The one thing that the XFL did that everybody was like, yeah, great job, was hire kickers that are podcasters.

Speaker 5 The second thing they did was they had a return game that looked unusual and it offered like chances for reverses.

Speaker 5 And so there are going to be some teams that go like full heads, full steam ahead into figuring out how to optimize this kick return that will end up winning games because of the work that they did in the offseason to take advantage of the rules on the kickoffs.

Speaker 5 Right. There'll be other teams that are just like, well, this is weird.
Let's just try to run a normal kick return play.

Speaker 1 Right. And it's, so for people who are going to be like, oh, this is weird.
I don't like it.

Speaker 1 I would just say that what the NFL has done done in the last 10 years,

Speaker 1 I think 2010 was when they banned the wedge. So starting in 2010, they have essentially killed the kickoff because they banned the wedge, they banned running starts, they moved the kick up,

Speaker 1 and then this last year, then

Speaker 1 they moved the touch back to 25, and then finally this last year, they added the fair catch, which essentially just killed the kickoff. There's no reason for you to return a kickoff.

Speaker 5 That's what I'm saying. The NFL, it was a good job on their part in the long term to make kickoffs unwatchable and so shitty that now they add any sort of element that has a return game in it.

Speaker 5 And people are like, yeah, this rocks now.

Speaker 5 I do think people will like it.

Speaker 1 The numbers are, so less than 20 years ago, in like the 2005 season, 95% of NFL league kickoffs were returned. It has dropped basically every single year.

Speaker 1 You can see when the rules come in, how it drops, when they move the ball up and they ban the wedge. It's dropped all the way to 37.6 was last year.

Speaker 1 Kickoffs returned, and I think it even dropped more this year to like 20% or something around there. I want to see kickoff returns.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we're going to get kickoff returns. We're not going to get surprise-on-side kicks anymore, which sucks.

Speaker 5 Even though it only happens like a few times a year, I like the idea of a surprise-onside kick.

Speaker 1 I'm okay with the surprise-on-side kick as well, like being banned because they brought back the unbalanced line. Oh, yeah, you know.
So the fact that

Speaker 1 if you now have more on-side kicks actually be recovered,

Speaker 1 there was only two last year. There was two surprise on-side kicks in the entire season.
I get it.

Speaker 1 The most memorable one of all time is the Saints in the Super Bowl, and everyone's like, we lost this moment. I understand that.

Speaker 1 But the fact that they made it so that you could never return an on-side kick, it was something crazy, like less than 5%.

Speaker 1 I want there to be a chance that you can actually return an on-side kick again. So if we have to give up surprise on-side kicks that only happened two times a year, I think I'm okay with that trade.

Speaker 5 No, so the imbalanced line, they put that out like a few weeks ago, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, today's when they're voting on everything.

Speaker 5 So yeah, the imbalance line, I like that. Make on-side kicks a thing again because at the end of a game, if you try to recover when the game's over, you have like no hope.

Speaker 5 I feel like it always happens where they try to do the on-side kick, and either it doesn't go 10 yards or it just goes out of bounds.

Speaker 1 Or it goes directly into someone's hands.

Speaker 5 They should make it also illegal for the receiving team to swat the ball out of bounds on an on-side kick and then recover it.

Speaker 1 I mean, I do think the perfect answer for on-side kicks is you should just have it be a fourth and 20 play for offense. Because everyone would love that.

Speaker 5 They might do that at some point. I think the Ravens were trying to do that.
Yeah, they were. Put that out there.

Speaker 1 But, yeah, I'm okay with the trade-off. I'm going to miss surprise-on-side kicks because they are very electric.

Speaker 1 But if you tell me that there's a 15% chance now you can return an on-site kick, I think that's something I would take just for the fact that you still have hope at the end of a game.

Speaker 5 So I don't know if that's the trade-off they made. I think the trade-off actually is since they changed the normal kickoff rules, they had to then change the surprise-on-side kick.

Speaker 5 Because the way the players are set up now, you can't do a surprise onside kick. Right.
Because you have to declare, okay, we're setting up in this normal, what is now the new normal position.

Speaker 5 But I think to kick it deep.

Speaker 1 Started talking, like you said, they started talking about the on-side kick thing a couple weeks ago, and it was like, we're taking away surprise on-side kick, but you now have to declare, you now have to declare, declare that, and you get an unbalanced line.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah. So there's actually no way that you could do a surprise on-side kick if this is the new normal kickoff rule.

Speaker 1 The one thing that is going to be interesting, and I love the strategy strategy behind all of this because I was talking to Sam earlier and like congratulating him, and he's like, the only thing that I didn't plan for is these kickoff rules with Tyreek Hill speed.

Speaker 1 So if you if teams start putting just their fastest guy back there,

Speaker 1 it's going to probably be most likely like they get to the 30 or above every single time. And then will it just be, well, we'll kick it out of bounds.
So is this so it just goes back to touchbacks?

Speaker 5 Is this giving us maybe an edge? Maybe just take all the overs?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 the ball placement will be farther out there.

Speaker 5 Yeah, more points. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm in for it.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I mean, honestly, if you're the Dolphins, you absolutely do need Tyreek Hill returning kicks now.

Speaker 1 Because think about where he's starting, and it incentivizes kicking it inbounds and, you know, down the... And also, there's two returners now.
So you can have two returners back there.

Speaker 1 Well, I guess you always could, but you can...

Speaker 1 That's different than the XFL. XFL only had one, which definitely is advantageous for the returning team as well.

Speaker 5 The one rule I don't like that needs to be changed is that you can't advance a recovered punt. Yeah.
Why not? Why can't you? Yeah.

Speaker 5 Like, how many times has that happened where a punt hits off a dude's head, somebody picks it up, and then they run with it to the end zone, and then for a split second, you think you have a touchdown, then you remember, oh shit, we got to bring that back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I always get confused with college and college.

Speaker 5 I was thinking of college. Do I know ball?

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure that's college. I think it's both.
Is it both?

Speaker 1 Yeah, if someone fumbles a punt and you recover.

Speaker 5 I think if they fumble, if they have possession, then you fumble, you can pick it up and return it. But if it's a muff, I don't know if you can.

Speaker 1 College and NFL have to get on the same page because we're going to watch old school kickoffs in college.

Speaker 5 Although I do like how college has one foot in bounds

Speaker 5 because then when a receiver gets two feet in bounds, you're like, that dude can play at the next level.

Speaker 1 Can someone look it up for us?

Speaker 1 I know you can't return it in college.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'm looking for something definite, but I don't want to speak without it.

Speaker 1 No, speak without it.

Speaker 1 We literally just spoke without knowing it.

Speaker 6 I typed in advanced punt football, and the first thing is a Reddit thread. Why can't a team advance a muff putt in Reddit?

Speaker 1 All right, so you can't in CFP. You can't.
So I don't know.

Speaker 5 Type in

Speaker 5 best muff close-ups.

Speaker 5 See what that comes up back with. I think that'll tell you, Jake.

Speaker 1 No, I think they can't.

Speaker 1 Are you serious, Shee? Yeah. He's going to burn his computer.
Got him.

Speaker 6 Company computer.

Speaker 1 I think you're right. I don't think you can.

Speaker 5 There's also a rule change in baseball that they have been discussing, I guess, in the weeks leading up to the start of baseball season.

Speaker 1 The guys can't gamble on their own team?

Speaker 5 They're heavily considering reinstating Pete Rose before they announce the Shohei Otani situation.

Speaker 5 No, the thing they're looking at probably for next year, because we're talking about robot umps, I just heard this right now on the radio. One of the systems they're thinking about, and I i love this

Speaker 5 they're thinking about giving teams three challenges for balls and strikes per game now that's not that cool what makes it cool is that the batter has to decide whether or not to use a challenge they do this in uh sing in in single a and double a and maybe even triple a i i've seen this before it's awesome because it's instant yeah i love the i love the player having to decide yeah like you don't you don't have to save them you don't have a manager that somebody is on the phone with them for a replay that saw it upstairs.

Speaker 5 It's like you're in the batter's box. Did that look outside?

Speaker 1 And it's great because I've watched it happen. I don't remember what league it was, but it is, it's not slowing down the game because it just, the batter just like taps their head, um, turns around.

Speaker 1 It's like a green or red light, and then they just keep going.

Speaker 5 Did they have a flag?

Speaker 1 I don't know if they have a flag.

Speaker 5 I would rock if there was a flag.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it's, it's very, whatever, whatever league is doing it, because I've seen this video, it's very efficient. And it adds great.
I'm all for these type of rules that add strategy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, when are we going to burn these?

Speaker 5 Oh, another NFL rule rule that's being changed is uh the replay assistant can correct certain types of incorrect calls for roughing the passer and intentional grounding so if there's a hit on the passer i'm okay and it's not helmet to helmet the replay official can instantly be like not a penalty pick that flag up i like that i like that a lot that's a good one as long as it doesn't slow down the game i think that's because that's one of the calls that just is very subjective and pisses everyone off yeah single year so you look this is the the video right now they're showing it yeah he just taps on his head.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the catcher can do it too.

Speaker 5 Okay, so the catcher just wave up

Speaker 1 and then he calls it. It's maybe three seconds.
Yeah, I like that. It's awesome.
What are the teams playing in this?

Speaker 6 That's the Tampa Tarpons, which I believe is the Yankees single A.

Speaker 1 Okay, so single A has been. Look at that.
Shout out to single A. Just pushing it.
Pushing us to a better sports world. I'm okay with this.

Speaker 1 We also had in the league meetings, Jerry Jones is just losing it.

Speaker 1 His scribble.

Speaker 5 What'd he do? Did you see the picture of him?

Speaker 1 No, I haven't.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 5 Let me look it up.

Speaker 1 He was answering questions and I think diagramming the Cowboys being all in, and then someone zoomed in on his piece of paper and he was just scribbling nothing. That's relatable, though.

Speaker 1 It is, but it also is very funny because that's his plan for the Cowboys being all in.

Speaker 5 It looks like he tried to draw a clock seven times.

Speaker 1 It is very relatable in that we, who hasn't had a piece of paper and a pen in front of them and just start making scribbles everywhere.

Speaker 5 I mean, this is great for anyone who's really talented at Photoshop. Put this one in the memes department for next season.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 he's just scribbling.

Speaker 1 Would it have killed him to do little 3D box or the Superman S?

Speaker 1 Come on, man. Oh, the Super S.

Speaker 5 Yeah, the Power S.

Speaker 1 The Superman S is the best. What if he just accidentally did a swastika? What if he's

Speaker 1 like, what? It's a cool design.

Speaker 5 Wait, I'm zooming in.

Speaker 5 Oh, there is some writing on there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm getting there when you think of me. He's just

Speaker 1 like a a boss. But yeah, we have the league meetings, which I love.
Just a bunch of football guys walking around in a hotel in Orlando.

Speaker 5 Somewhere in Florida, yeah.

Speaker 1 Somewhere in Florida, just deciding the fate of the league. I also,

Speaker 1 the vote for the new kickoff, I think there were three teams that didn't vote for it. So Packers,

Speaker 1 whatever. I mean, they probably did a fan vote on Twitter.
Losers.

Speaker 1 And then the Raiders voted against it. So immediately I was like, this is a good rule.
Yeah. Mark Davis is like, I don't like this.

Speaker 5 Well, I think Mark Davis just votes against anything because that's what his dad used to do.

Speaker 1 Who are the abstain?

Speaker 1 Or the.

Speaker 1 I know it was Raiders-Packers. I don't know who the third team was.
But you can kind of tell once I saw Raiders, like, yeah. Niners.
Niners.

Speaker 5 That's interesting. They also.
They are smart.

Speaker 1 Niners are smart. That kind of throws off my theory.

Speaker 5 They also moved back the trade deadline. I'm not sure why they did that.

Speaker 1 To when?

Speaker 5 I think it's week nine.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 5 Yeah, sure. Probably.

Speaker 1 There won't be a lot of trades. It's so arbitrary.
And they're also just, the NFL just doesn't have a lot of trades. No.

Speaker 1 But it's actually nice that we can talk about, like, you can convince yourself that your team will do a trade.

Speaker 5 Yeah, well, it's bad for shitty teams because shitty teams then you have another week of being like, can we do this? Yeah. Another week of false hope.

Speaker 1 Winning right before the trade deadline. Yeah.
Death.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's talk some other sports.

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Speaker 1 Hank, one, two, or three topics. Two.
Two, Caitlin Clark wins her last game. Her.
At Iowa, down to the, they're going to the Sweet 16 in Albany. I actually watched that entire game.
It was electric.

Speaker 1 I loved West Virginia just being like, we're going to be the bad boy Pistons and just muscle you.

Speaker 1 But yeah, congrats to her. That would have been...
A hilarious, hilarious ending if they had lost that game.

Speaker 5 It was actually a really, really good game.

Speaker 5 And it also gave some ammo to people that think that this is scripted to get the rematch of Iowa versus LSU. Would that be in the Elite Eight? Elite Eight.

Speaker 5 When they play each other, there were a lot of fouls called at the end of the game. A lot of fouls.

Speaker 1 A lot of fouls. A lot of them intentional.

Speaker 5 Some of them intentional.

Speaker 1 I saw some people posting like in the last three minutes, West Virginia

Speaker 1 got called for seven fouls. Iowa got called for zero.

Speaker 1 They were intentionally fouling the last minute.

Speaker 5 They were fouling.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 I don't think Iowa got called for a single foul, though, right? In the last maybe two minutes of the game. Yeah.

Speaker 5 There were a couple that could have been a foul, but Caitlin Clark, not only did she win, she also got the all-time points record with those final two free throws on a hilarious foul by West Virginia that meant nothing,

Speaker 5 but meant everything to some of us.

Speaker 1 And hit the over her for her points. Yeah.
Shout out Caitlin Clark, her. But yeah, imagine if they had gotten bounced.

Speaker 5 Did you see where

Speaker 5 she told her home stadium to shut the fuck up?

Speaker 1 I love how much Caitlin Clark is like.

Speaker 1 Let's just admit it. She's an incredible player.
When things aren't going well, she has a little bit of baby in her, and I like it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, there was a

Speaker 5 great take. I forget, I don't have it in front of me, but the person wrote an article about this, and they said, why do we vilify Caitlin Clark for making big gestures like this?

Speaker 5 And we talk about her, and we have all these judgments about her, but we wouldn't do the same in a million years for players like Dennis Rodman or Pat Beverly.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
You missed on that one.

Speaker 5 We definitely do the same.

Speaker 5 I mean, if you were alive in the 1990s,

Speaker 5 half of the sports ecosystem was talking about Dennis Rodman.

Speaker 1 Every single night.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I hope Iowa fans, because Iowa fans are very protective of Caitlin Clark. I completely understand.

Speaker 1 She gets attacked a lot, so they have to always be guards up. I even started a little, should we have the debate, Paige Buckets versus Caitlin Clark?

Speaker 1 People were not happy with that, me just throwing out the debate.

Speaker 5 Oh, no, but you're not alone.

Speaker 5 Gio Rama said if we're going to live in an age of advanced analysis and statistics, well, then we have the best player because all the numbers say she's the best.

Speaker 1 And Paige Bucher did have like a, she had some very bad injury luck in her career. But so Iowa fans are very protective, completely understand.

Speaker 1 I just hope that they can have a little sense of stepping out and being like, yeah, maybe she does have a little bit of baby in her, which I like. Again,

Speaker 1 she's a competitor. She wants to win so badly.
But yeah,

Speaker 1 it was a great game.

Speaker 5 So she threw the basketball into the stands after the game was over. And it was Nancy Liebron, former, was she a coach or a a player? But she said

Speaker 5 if a guy does that, nobody says.

Speaker 5 If a guy does that, nobody says anything. If Pat Beverly does it, or Russell Westbrook, or Dennis Rodman does it, nobody gives a shit.
No. No, I would give a shit.

Speaker 1 We analyzed literally everything that LeBron has ever done in his entire life.

Speaker 5 If LeBron did that, it would lead first take undisputed for three months. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Shout out to Kittles were there, too. Also, if LeBron,

Speaker 1 he really got into a tight jersey.

Speaker 5 It was his wife's former jersey. But yeah, if LeBron did that and I was in the stands and got hit, I would check myself into a hospital.

Speaker 1 I'd be in a neck brace tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Hank, did you watch the game? No. Oh, you don't like women?

Speaker 1 That's not true. Well, why didn't you watch the game then?

Speaker 5 Name one woman.

Speaker 1 Caitlin Clark. Oh, name one woman, not name Caitlin Clark.

Speaker 5 My mom.

Speaker 5 That's a good answer.

Speaker 1 Good answer. Good answer.
Good answer.

Speaker 1 All right, so other stories. Should we talk a little about Thursday night? Because we're going to obviously record after Thursday night, night, after we watch the games.

Speaker 1 Very, very excited for this Sweet 16. The dust has settled a little bit, and I just couldn't be more excited for the eight games we have on Thursday and Friday.

Speaker 5 I'm most excited for UNC Alabama.

Speaker 1 UNC Alabama is going to be incredible. UConn San Diego State being the rematch from last year's championship game and Danny Hurley finding a way.
He is a master motivator.

Speaker 1 being like, we got screwed with the time of this game.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he says that the committee has done everything that they could possibly do to not let them repeat. Yes.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 5 their game is at 6.39 Central Time, so 7.39.

Speaker 5 That's a bad time. They knew what they were doing.

Speaker 1 Also, just going to say it, they're on TBS True TV. Arizona Clemson's on CBS.
Isn't that weird? That is weird. That's a little weird.

Speaker 5 They're going to try to get away with something.

Speaker 1 They're just anti-Italian discrimination again. True TV.

Speaker 5 Nobody knows what channel True TV is.

Speaker 1 No one knows.

Speaker 1 I am rooting for Illinois. No offense to Iowa State, but an Illinois UConn Elite Eight would be an incredible game.
That'd be a good matchup.

Speaker 1 Because I think Illinois has that one, like the fact that they have three studs that could go off at any time,

Speaker 1 I still think UConn's the best team, and

Speaker 1 any problem you throw at them, they have a solution for. But that would be a game that I'd be like, this is going to be a war.
And who knows if Terrence Shannon or Damask or Coleman go off.

Speaker 1 I'm excited for that game. But yeah, Alabama, North Carolina is going to be great.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so who do you think is most likely to win amongst the underdogs on Thursday, Clemson or San Diego State?

Speaker 1 Because I'm not in Illinois.

Speaker 5 I'm not going to say Illinois, and I'm not going to say Alabama, but the real surprising ones would be Clemson or San Diego State. San Diego State.

Speaker 1 You'd think would be most likely?

Speaker 1 That's my prediction. Oh.
Revenge. I think Clemson is most likely because Clemson has been ignored by this podcast.
And if we know anything about this podcast, we are the dumbest people in the world.

Speaker 1 So when we say we put out that graphic listing every team but Clemson as teams that could win the national title, they have that bookmark.

Speaker 1 That will be the perfect ending to March Madness if Clemson wins it all and we just have that sitting there.

Speaker 1 What do you think the numbers would get on that graphic?

Speaker 1 There'd be tens of thousands of retweets and quote tweets.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it'd be pretty big. It'd be pretty big.

Speaker 1 They might be rooting for it.

Speaker 5 But we could also give ourselves credit for

Speaker 5 spurning them on to the national championship. Yeah,

Speaker 1 we do the Long Beach State.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it was us. Yeah, it was us.

Speaker 1 We were the ones who got them.

Speaker 5 Yeah, listen, I didn't, I didn't, I'm not going to sit here and say that I did that on purpose, but it worked out the way I wanted. Yeah.

Speaker 6 I will say the number one overall seed has lost in the Sweet 16 the last two years.

Speaker 1 Bless you. Thank you all.
Hank's sneezing.

Speaker 6 Bless you. And Zaga lost to Muss in Arkansas two years ago in the Sweet 16.
Last year, Alabama lost to

Speaker 1 San Diego State. San Diego State.
San Diego State.

Speaker 5 It would be something if UConn just rolled through this tournament, covered every spread.

Speaker 1 Well, do you see Dan Hurley? Just like they did last week. Bless you.

Speaker 6 We're going to keep blowing these teams out of the tournament.

Speaker 1 I love that. Good.
Hank, are you okay? Yeah. Maybe allergies.
I don't know. That's not allergies.
You're sick. I hope not.
I hate allergies for that reason. What are you allergic to? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I just sneezed three times. That's not common.
Cocaine? No.

Speaker 1 People should have to wear pins on their shirts.

Speaker 5 Wait, Hank, how do you know that you're allergic to cocaine?

Speaker 1 Maybe I'm not. I don't know.

Speaker 1 It is

Speaker 1 like the changing of the seasons is when allergies. I understand, but do you not agree that people love to do the I'm like, are you sick? No, I have allergies.

Speaker 1 They should have to wear pins that say, like, I'm an allergy person. So you know, like, all right, if they sneeze, it's probably allergies.

Speaker 6 I'm going to tell you guys in the beginning, you know, I'm an allergy person.

Speaker 1 Can you tell the difference in a sneeze between allergy and sick?

Speaker 6 Yes, because you sound differently.

Speaker 1 Oh, what did that sound like?

Speaker 6 Hank sounds fine. No, like, talking.
Oh, you sound sick.

Speaker 1 Do you have allergies?

Speaker 1 You lied. You lied.
Well, like allergies to the seasons, like, you know, pollen and shell. You aren't allergic.

Speaker 1 Everyone's allergic. If you have allergies, season's not a thing.

Speaker 5 You're just saying you're allergic to being alive.

Speaker 1 Hank doesn't have allergies. He just said allergies.
Well, yeah, you know, the pollen and

Speaker 1 no, I don't. No, but you're not allergic to those things.

Speaker 5 Hank, you're not an allergy guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're not. You're a strong man.

Speaker 5 I can smell allergy guy. Jake, Jake's an allergy guy.
Max sneaky allergy guy. Big time.

Speaker 1 We were talking about cologne the other day.

Speaker 5 Part of him sick. And Jake was like, I think I'm allergic to cologne.

Speaker 1 No, I don't feel sick.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that checks out with me.

Speaker 1 No, I don't care if you're sick or not.

Speaker 1 It's been a take for a long time that I just, I think people use allergies as a crutch, which you just literally proved it.

Speaker 5 No, and it takes away from the people who actually have allergies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. You just took their culture and tried to pawn it off.
I apologize.

Speaker 5 It's like real allergy people are like TJ Watt.

Speaker 1 Are you guys so far into allergies that you, what, Max? You're in allergies.

Speaker 5 It was a great podcast. Yeah, no, it is.

Speaker 1 If you're here for Shane Gillis, we'll be done with allergies in a second.

Speaker 1 Are you guys, do you guys check the pollen report? Like, oh, surfer would check like big waves?

Speaker 6 No, I just know I have bad allergies.

Speaker 1 So you're not like, oh, shit, pollen's high today. Got to stay inside? No.

Speaker 1 I like those. Those allergy people are freaks.

Speaker 5 Are you a believer in the people that say that everyone's allergic to everything, but just some people are more mentally tough?

Speaker 1 Yes, because I'm not allergic to all of that. People who say it's mental,

Speaker 5 I have an issue with it. No, I think it's mental.
No, it's not. I just, I'm built different.
My brain's built different.

Speaker 1 I went to a museum the other day. It's a color factory in downtown Chicago with the kids.
And my mom was with us, and she's allergic to shellfish.

Speaker 1 And they said in the front, because there's like snacks, and the person was like, is anyone allergic to anything? And she's like, shellfish. And the person responded, you should be okay.

Speaker 1 That shouldn't be the answer. That's good.
You should be okay shouldn't be an answer to that question.

Speaker 5 Yeah, shellfish is one. It was the color factory.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You should know.

Speaker 5 It's fucking cool. You should know if you have crabs.
And who's like, oh, yeah, we'll skip the sea life exhibit.

Speaker 1 You should be okay is not an okay answer, though.

Speaker 5 I was roommates with a guy in college that had a severe, severe shrimp crab allergy, but he loved shrimp and crabs so much.

Speaker 5 So once a year, he would just eat shrimp and then just shoot himself up with little shots. He's just like, fuck it, tonight's the night.

Speaker 1 I think there was a bear. I can't remember which bear it was who didn't want to do the conditioning test and he just ate a bunch of shellfish before the conditioning test because he was allergic.

Speaker 5 That's awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, and then there was a little girl who was like, who said penicillin? I was like, what the fuck? How are you alive? Also, like, yeah,

Speaker 1 isn't penicillin like a something they like treated polio with?

Speaker 5 But I would, I would feel like the genetics that would get passed down through the generation with penicillin.

Speaker 5 If you, if you were allergic to penicillin in like the 1600s, yeah, 18, probably 1800s when they discovered it, you probably would have died.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's just not an answer, though, to like a five-year-old should say penicillin. Yeah, like you're probably scared of everything now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're like the one thing that's supposed to save you

Speaker 5 if you're scared of medicine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay, so that was allergy talk. Um, That was number three on my topics.
Shohei.

Speaker 1 I believe him. Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know why.

Speaker 5 The way that he's presented it, I actually think it's genius. Yep.
Because there's not going to be any chance that they can prove that he's lying.

Speaker 1 I think they can. If him and exactly did he say? So he's like he stole from me.

Speaker 5 He said that this guy stole all the money from me without my knowledge. If he says that, and the interpreter also says that,

Speaker 5 and it turns out that, like, maybe, maybe they are lying about it, maybe Shohei knew about it, but as long as they stick to those stories, you can't prove it otherwise.

Speaker 1 I think you can, though. How? Forensic accounting.

Speaker 5 You can say that Ipe logged in.

Speaker 1 No, no, I'm saying the fore, like, Shohei is now going down this path where he's like, this guy stole from me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're going to get a forensic accounting and they're going to show this is how this guy stole from me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And if they do that and it's like, dude, no one stole from you, I think he'll be in deep shit. But

Speaker 1 I think they're going to take that path. Also, I just love the idea of forensic accounting.
Don't understand it at all, but it sounds cool. That was my question.

Speaker 1 You kept saying that word. I saw the word.
I saw the word.

Speaker 1 I saw

Speaker 1 someone tweeted the word and I was like, ah, of course. Forensic accounting.
I do forensic accounting.

Speaker 5 I'm pretty sure Law and Order does forensic accounting sometimes.

Speaker 1 But I mean, it will solve every problem here, forensic accounting.

Speaker 5 But even if it shows his computer was used to send the transfers, he can always just say like, Ipe logged in on my computer.

Speaker 1 But I think if that is the case, there will be a lot of questions. Like, I think the forensic accounting will come back and be like, look, he stole from me.

Speaker 5 He did it from his own device.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he siphons it off.

Speaker 5 Think about it. When you do a money transfer, if it's a big money transfer, your bank sends you a text message and says, verify this big money transfer using this code that we just gave you.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 So I don't know if he also had access to Shohei's phone.

Speaker 1 So that was the other part of it. Reading up more about this guy, there was a quote from a couple of years ago where someone interviewed him and he said, translating is only 10% of my job with Shohei.

Speaker 1 He was like his best friend. He was doing everything with him.
He was, he, remember, he, he, uh, was Shohei in the home run derby? I think he was. He caught for Shohei in the home run derby.

Speaker 1 Like, he was his, he would do long toss with Shohei. He would go out to dinner with Shohei.
He, I think he was so deeply embedded that it was like almost a brother relationship.

Speaker 1 And then it would make sense that he was able to do it. And Shohei, it also, people were able to figure out Shohei for the longest time had his mom do his accounting.

Speaker 1 So it's not like Shohei has been maybe the most,

Speaker 1 he's maybe been a little too trusting of people in his life and not had someone else do all this stuff. So it leads me to believe this potentially could happen.

Speaker 5 So Ipe also has another discrepancy on his resume. So in the Angels Media Guide, Ipe said that he graduated from UC Riverside in 2007.
The school has no record that that happened.

Speaker 5 So this guy just might be a liar.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 7 But baseball has its hands full.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think, and I know this might be a cop-out, but I just think, like, I'm going to believe him until they do the forensic accounting. I'm waiting for the forensic accounting to come out.

Speaker 1 So Shohei. I'm a big believer in it.

Speaker 5 Shohei also is going to have some trust issues with his next interpreter. I would say so.
Because this interpreter played the interpreter game very, very well if you're trying to be sneaky.

Speaker 5 Just like he exploited a weakness in the interpreter system,

Speaker 5 which is you have one client, you can lie to that one client about what everybody else in the world is saying. Yeah.
And you keep that person.

Speaker 5 He like, at some point, maybe the power went to his head and Ipe thought, I'm Shohei.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, he also said he was Hideki Okojima's translator for the Red Sox in 07, and that just wasn't true.

Speaker 1 No one from the Red Sox remembers him. He's not in any of the

Speaker 1 media guides. Like he had a different translator that was in the media guides.
And the more I was reading about it, too,

Speaker 1 again, I know I might be naive believing Shohei, but the situation that Shohei is in, being in a country where he does not speak the language and he has one guy in the clubhouse who he can converse with, you would end up becoming very close with that person.

Speaker 5 That's the only person you can talk to. Right.

Speaker 1 That's a crazy thought experiment to be like, I only have one guy in this entire world, you know, obviously his family and stuff, but one guy day to day when I go to work that I can speak with, that person would just become your best friend.

Speaker 5 Yeah, and I think Shohei needs two translators now at all times. I was just hoping.

Speaker 5 So they can, like, sitting next to each other, then you tell me what this guy just said to me, and you both have to say it at the same time.

Speaker 1 I was hoping so bad that Shohei sat down and just spoke perfect English. Would have been fucking awesome.
Kaiser Soze.

Speaker 5 That would have been good. It would have been great.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I think his new translator is, it was Kente Maeda's translator who then worked for the Dodgers front office, so possibly more trustworthy.

Speaker 5 Just the idea of $4.5 million, like multiple wire transfers going through, and him not knowing about it, like him never getting a verification thing sent to his phone, to his email, getting a phone call from somebody at the bank.

Speaker 5 Yeah. It's weird.
It's very weird.

Speaker 1 It is weird. And

Speaker 5 if you're the translator, you probably found yourself in a situation where you were saying that Shohei is backing you up on all this to your bookie. Right.

Speaker 5 And then your bookie, again, giving you that $4.5 million of credit

Speaker 5 or using your position as a translator to get inside information on the games.

Speaker 1 Right. And I mean, just think about it.
Like, if they're that close and he probably did have at least a credit card or some type of way to get money, it's like, I mean, it's no different than memes.

Speaker 1 I'll lend him my credit card and I won't see it for two weeks.

Speaker 1 He's my epee. Yeah.
You know? So it's like that will happen, right, memes?

Speaker 1 Yep. See, it could happen to anyone.

Speaker 1 It could happen anyway. I had a very dumb thought.

Speaker 1 I want to just be open with everyone. Very dumb thought.
Probably sleep deprivation yesterday when he was doing his his press conference. I was like, man, it would fucking rock if I was a translator.

Speaker 1 Like, if I went overseas and translated for like a base American baseball star. And then I sat with that thought for a couple of minutes.
I was like, I don't speak

Speaker 1 any other languages. Yeah, but you speak English.

Speaker 1 It's just like, I basically, my thought was just that I would go overseas and just be friends with someone and never actually do the job.

Speaker 5 It would be very funny, though, if you just made up what they were saying.

Speaker 5 Like, has there been a case of a translator that doesn't speak the language that goes over there and and it's just like, hey, this guy says this reporter wants to know like what your favorite serial is.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And then you just lie.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's sign language people that have made up their job. Yeah.
Gone up and done the fake signs.

Speaker 5 I love those people.

Speaker 1 Huge flaw in my whole plan to become a translator for a star athlete overseas.

Speaker 5 You know what else I was thinking about? Interesting timing. with the wife reveal of Shohei.

Speaker 5 He was such a private guy. We knew nothing about his personal life.
We didn't even know his dog's name until like three months ago. And then all of a a sudden, it's like, oh, wife reveal.

Speaker 5 Four days later, five days later, biggest scandal in baseball breaks about epe.

Speaker 1 You think maybe it was he got married and his wife started being like, hey, where's all this money going?

Speaker 5 His wife might have found it out because they were under investigation at the time. Yeah.
It's like, you, dude, you need to clean up your finances.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this guy's just taking money. Keeps losing parlays.

Speaker 5 Yeah, like, hey, Shohei, where'd this four and a half million dollars go? We're going to buy seven houses. Yeah.
And he's like, that's a good question.

Speaker 1 It's like $2 million gone right after the Super Bowl?

Speaker 5 Yeah. It's just, It's weird.

Speaker 5 My thought was that Shohei found out about the investigation, hired a crisis team, and then part of their crisis team was like, we need to get ahead of the negative publicity.

Speaker 5 Let's show everybody your superstar wife. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I wonder, I wish we could get Ipe's picks because he sucks. If he's down.
He'd be great to fade Epee.

Speaker 5 Fade Epe? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Imagine if we just get me.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be shocked if Ipe just ends up being a Twitter tout. Yeah.

Speaker 5 He's actually

Speaker 5 one of those people that we think are bots in all of the replies.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 100% fixed on Telegram.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's epe. Oh my God.
I just block all those all day. Yeah.
It just never goes away. Epei's a pussy in bio.
It never, yeah, pussylin link in bio.

Speaker 5 I don't block those.

Speaker 1 No, those ones you got to keep because they might have the pussy in bio. Yeah, maybe a close-up muff.
You never know.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's get you hot seat, cool throne.

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Speaker 1 Henry, hot seat cool thrown. My hot seat is Jante Porter.
Oh, why? What happened? Raptors Center is under an NBA investigation into irrigation.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Big words.
It's a tough one. Irreg.
Slow down. Reg, you lair.
There it is. Uh-huh.
Got it. Irrigation.

Speaker 5 He's too wet.

Speaker 1 On his prop betting involving him,

Speaker 1 there was a couple times where he basically started a game, took himself out because of an eye injury. And on those games, there was a bunch of action on his prop bets.
Unders. Unders.
Bad. Bad.

Speaker 1 Very bad.

Speaker 5 So I saw the report. It said that it was the number one paid out prop of the night.
Yeah. Both times that he did it, right?

Speaker 1 And both times he started the game and then came out with an injury. And he's not a guy that, like, we're not talking about a Jokic or an Embiid or a Tatum where people are betting these star players.

Speaker 1 He probably doesn't get a lot of prop bet action night to night. And then the two nights that he comes out of a game, it ends up being

Speaker 1 a lot of action on it.

Speaker 5 Was he a Stephen Shea data play? I don't know. We got to look into that.

Speaker 5 I'm actually looking forward to all the revisionist history that's going to go on where people do deep dives into every single play that he's ever had in the NBA and been like, look how bad this shot is.

Speaker 5 Had the under. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I think he was just not even shooting. There was one that I saw one game where he banked in a three.
Yeah, where he banked in a three, and then his face after, you could tell he was like, fuck.

Speaker 1 And then the time he came out with a face injury, people were already breaking that down. He didn't really get hit in the face.
He got kind of hit in the neck. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is bad.

Speaker 5 It's bad. And yeah, the NBA is in a very tough spot right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know how, I mean, they'll have to find like the evidence and see if he actually betted himself

Speaker 1 because I would assume it was him betting it himself or someone of it one of his friends betting itself not

Speaker 1 him like telling everyone because then that would have you can't that's something that would never be a secret for more than two seconds right today's media right or he was kind of like we're speculating with Ipe

Speaker 5 like in debt to a bookie yeah gave the bookie info I'm gonna sit this one out but this one was all public though it's Ipe

Speaker 1 was a private bookie this one is they have the irrigo

Speaker 1 irrigation irrigation irregularities uh on a legal sports book yeah so yeah it's bad he's also active uh about crypto trading like he talks about it uh oh which is just a that's a that's a red flag in itself yeah yeah

Speaker 5 how many

Speaker 5 how many apes did he have on the he's active in social media about his options crypto trading and like he's talked about you know i took 5k and turned it into 100k is uh is crypto back bitcoin is i've been seeing a lot lot of, you remember the shit coin craze of like 2021 when everyone was into what were those weird coins like shitcoin, cum rocket, moon coin,

Speaker 5 all that stuff.

Speaker 5 I've been seeing more new shit coins recently.

Speaker 1 Well, I think it just goes hand in hand. Anytime Bitcoin like pops, everyone who has not invested in Bitcoin years and years ago is like, fuck, I want my Bitcoin.
Let me just invest in fart rocket.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Or, you know, fart bucks.

Speaker 5 Just let me know until we're on the moon.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 5 I need to know when we're at the moon.

Speaker 1 He's also Michael Porter Jr.'s brother. That's true.

Speaker 1 So are we beating him too? Yeah, what? That's just a fun fact. That is a fun fact.
I don't know if that's a good idea. That actually could be a fun fact, but maybe he's involved too.

Speaker 1 I don't want to go and just implicate his brother just yet. Why not?

Speaker 5 Well, his brother...

Speaker 1 You wouldn't tell your brother if you were... No, I probably wouldn't

Speaker 1 because I would be trying to do it without telling anyone.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I definitely wouldn't. There'd be a nine-page article about it.

Speaker 1 Also, you'll probably probably be like, hey, dude, don't do this. Yeah.
Also, his brother's making like stupid NBA money. Jante Porter's just making that.
That's true. Yeah.
That's a fair point. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Also, his brother is really good. Right.

Speaker 1 And he's been playing really well. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And then my cool throne is JJ McCarthy.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Who was that?

Speaker 1 Congrats, PFT. Okay.

Speaker 1 Speaking of odds, J.J. McCarthy had a best, Harbaugh called it the best pro day he's ever seen.

Speaker 5 Yep. Ever.
And he's the best quarterback that's ever played at Michigan.

Speaker 1 And his odds, that's not true. That's what Harbaugh said.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And his odds from being the second overall pick went from 2,500 to plus 400. So, yeah, he's getting a lot of talk.
He is

Speaker 1 our late riser. Yep.
Harbaugh was so funny. I just love watching him talk football.

Speaker 1 He did a whole like two minutes on how the offensive line is the greatest football unit because it's the only football unit that doesn't rely on any other units.

Speaker 1 And like every, he's like, every single positional unit, offense and defense, relies on the offensive line.

Speaker 5 Rugged individualism. Yeah.
Collective individualism.

Speaker 1 He's like, everyone else needs the offensive line. The offensive line just needs each other.
Yeah. And it was great.

Speaker 1 But, Hank, J.J. McCarthy, I want to just throw just a random trade out there.
You tell me if you'd be down for it. Patriots receive QB Justin Herbert, fifth overall pick, 2024, 2025, first-round pick.

Speaker 1 Chargers receive the third pick to draft J.J. McCarthy and also Juju Smith Schuster.

Speaker 1 So you get Justin Herbert. I was with the fifth pick and next year's first.

Speaker 5 You can't get rid of Juju.

Speaker 1 Because our colleague, Nick Fasoli, said, I think he's, he said, I think I'm in.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'd be into that. I'd be into that trade if I was the Patriots.

Speaker 1 The best part was when I was just like, Fasoli, what are you talking about, dude? He's like, I got got. It's like, no, no,

Speaker 1 that wasn't a got. You just said that was a good trade.
I concur.

Speaker 1 I think that's a fleece. Yeah, he actually, his exact phrase was, I actually don't hate this.
Yeah, I don't hate it either. Who would hate that? So to your point, though, Hank, on J.J.

Speaker 5 McCarthy being drafted second overall, I think one of a couple of things are happening here. One, it's smokescreen season.

Speaker 5 So there might be a team out there that would be hoping that the Vikings might package a lot of picks to move up and take J.J. McCarthy earlier in the draft.

Speaker 1 Vikings are up to something, Remember. Yes.
Win horse. That's what they're up to something.

Speaker 5 That's what I'm saying. Like, there might be a team, maybe even a team inside the division, like the Chicago Bears that might be hoping that the Vikings trade up way too many picks to take JJ.

Speaker 5 The other thing that might be happening, we have a new GM in D.C., Adam Peters, right?

Speaker 5 One thing new GMs love to do is smoke out a rat. So they like to give little kernels of information that might not be true to one person, hoping that one person leaks it to the media.

Speaker 1 This is all facts.

Speaker 1 And how does that affect J.J. McCarthy?

Speaker 1 Oh, I I think he's actually going to get drafted very high.

Speaker 5 He will, but I don't think he's going second.

Speaker 1 He's our late riser. There's always one of these guys.
I mean, remember when Baker, like, when he drafted 1-1,

Speaker 1 going, you know, a month before, no one thought that was going to happen.

Speaker 5 Yeah, there are people that climb up. Anthony Richardson was that way, too.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you can also just, J.J.

Speaker 1 McCarthy's a perfect quarterback where you can look at it, and if you want to look at it glass half-full, he could be the greatest quarterback of all time because you can essentially say he played winning football, he made the throws he needed to make, and they also asked him not to do anything.

Speaker 1 So there's so much more. There's upside down.
You can tell yourself that J.J. McCarthy is the guy.

Speaker 5 But let's rewind about 12 months ago, exactly to this date, everybody was talking about Will Levis going off the board in the top 10, too.

Speaker 5 So there's a lot of misinformation that gets put out there this time of year. Stay woke, Hank.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Stay woke. Okay, PFT.

Speaker 5 My hot seat is whoever produced the Patriots documentary. Yeah.
Because Robert Kraft is not happy with that individual.

Speaker 5 They asked him about it at the league meeting yesterday, and he said, I felt bad there was so much emphasis on the more controversial and, let's say, challenging situations over the last 20 years.

Speaker 5 I wish they had focused more on our Super Bowl wins, our 21-game win streak. I felt bad there were players who gave hours and hours of interviews, and they only felt the negativity.

Speaker 5 So a little disappointed that there wasn't more of a real positive approach, especially for Patriots fans who have lived the experience with us.

Speaker 1 We're all trying to find the guy who did that.

Speaker 5 Whoever made that documentary, Robert Kraft is not happy with you. Not happy at all.

Speaker 1 And the most controversial comments used in the documentary were from Robert Kraft's music. Yeah.

Speaker 5 They threw Robert Kraft under the bus.

Speaker 1 And I don't think Robert Kraft was actually physically editing the documentary, but I would bet that he got to watch the final cut before it was made, and he was like, we nailed it.

Speaker 1 Belichick's a scumbag.

Speaker 5 I would bet that whoever produced it watched each episode one by one and said, okay, yeah, this one looks good for episode one. This looks good for episode two.

Speaker 5 And then they kept all that information from Robert Kraft until

Speaker 5 End Craft LLC until it came out.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure if you wanted to highlight, you know, the 21-game wins.
He could have probably made that out. He probably could have made that.

Speaker 5 Whoever made the documentary could have, yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a lot of the players coming out being like, we, I think Rodney Harrison was like, I talked for five hours and all they used was like one clip. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And tough. One of the McCordies, I forget which one.
Yeah. They share a Twitter account, so they're one person.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're all trying to find the guy who did this.

Speaker 5 We'll never know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a shame. They should take those interviews and

Speaker 5 make another documentary.

Speaker 1 I wish he had just doubled down. You know what? Like, he should have just gotten in front of the media and been like, nah, that actually rocked.
Bill Belchick, schmuck.

Speaker 5 You know what they should have done? They should have released two documentaries, one for Patriots haters and one for Patriots fans. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Something for everybody.

Speaker 1 You need an extra cut. Well, that's coming.

Speaker 1 That is the takeaway, though, because there is a lot of players. And Belichick, it's like NFL Films is going to come out with a documentary and it's going to be the one.
Yeah. Okay.
Your cool throne?

Speaker 5 My cool throne is birds in New York City. Uh-oh.
So they just released the autopsy from Flacco the Owl. Remember Flacco, our beloved Central Park Owl, the Spanish owl that escaped from the zoo?

Speaker 5 Who could forget? Flew into the side of a building.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it felt like I flew into that building that day.

Speaker 5 Yeah, the Bills would like to sign you.

Speaker 5 So they did the autopsy on him, and they said that he had rat poison and pigeon herpes in his system. Oh, you fucked.

Speaker 5 And the pigeon herpes infected his brain and made him a little bit crazy, which made him hit the side of the building.

Speaker 1 Oh, damn.

Speaker 5 So Flacco the Owl was fucking pigeons. He was promiscuous.
He was promiscuous. I don't know.
Like, is that

Speaker 5 bestiality?

Speaker 1 If you. No, because he's a beast.

Speaker 5 He's a bird. Yeah.
And he fucked another bird. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's fine.

Speaker 5 He was just getting

Speaker 1 thick wet. Yeah, no, he just was very promiscuous, kind of a slut.

Speaker 5 Well, we don't slut shame.

Speaker 1 But he was, if you were to slut shame, you'd be like Flacco the Owl, confirmed slut.

Speaker 5 He was a whore. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was a man whore. You You gotta ask, so he was kind of good-looking, too.
Was it a girl or boy?

Speaker 5 I think Flacco was a boy.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah, I mean, he was hot. He was fucking

Speaker 5 a smoke show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like everyone, the reason why he became such a viral sensation was he was good-looking, and then it went to his head.

Speaker 5 There was a bunch of just really horny pigeons, a bunch of really lucky pigeons in New York that got to be fucked by Flacco.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 But apparently, if you fuck too much and you're an owl, it gets into your brain, disorients you, and then you just crash yourself into a window and die.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Okay, so so Flacco, a slut.

Speaker 1 RP. Okay, my hot seat is me.
I've slept. I slept for the first time more than like five hours on Monday night, and I've come to the realization I'd like to apologize.
I was a bitch all weekend.

Speaker 1 So I want to say I was a bitch.

Speaker 1 No real excuse. I actually texted all the people.
I said, don't text me. I said, you did nothing wrong.
You can text me anytime you want when my teams suck. I think, I was thinking about it.

Speaker 1 I think it's because I've been so out of practice with my teams playing in meaningful games. It's been a very long time since they played in meaningful games.

Speaker 1 And in the past, like I've done all the things that I've done to other people, like the World Series when Dave dressed up in Indians attire, the 2015 Wisconsin National Championship when we did an emergency rundown directly after.

Speaker 1 When Florida hit the buzzer beater, we did an emergency pod right after.

Speaker 1 I just had been out of practice of I got to be able to eat the shit if I give the shit. So I was a bitch, and I want to apologize.

Speaker 5 Is that directed to Hank?

Speaker 1 No, it's directed to everyone, to the listeners. I mean, there's some people who probably hate me for life, but that's fine.

Speaker 1 I was a bitch.

Speaker 5 What did Khan say when you texted him and apologized?

Speaker 1 He was like, yeah, no big deal. You don't have to apologize.
Oh, that's nice. Yeah.
So

Speaker 1 anyone can text. And I also got a little, I get a little confused because I eat so much shit on Twitter all the time that I'm like, and obviously other people don't see that.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, I take a lot of shit.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 people

Speaker 1 can talk shit all they want. Yeah.
My teams suck. And I got to do a better job of not being a bitch about it.
I really just wanted, I just haven't had any happiness in sports in a long time.

Speaker 1 And I just wanted so bad to have a little bit of happiness that it clouded my judgment. I took things personally.

Speaker 5 No, you're allowed to be a bitch when your teams lose. Yeah, but like we said,

Speaker 5 24 hours, I think that's an appropriate amount of time.

Speaker 1 But you can't take it personally. I took it personally.
Like when Hank showed up in a purple jumpsuit, I took it personally. It wasn't personal.
Like, I shouldn't have taken that personally.

Speaker 5 Hank was trying to be a good employee.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was using the David Buster. David Bustags.
else. Yeah, so I took it personally.
I was a bitch. No excuses.
Bitch made. Babyback bitch.
So going forward,

Speaker 1 I don't want to ever be accused of being a hypocrite, so I apologize and I will eat any shit that I can eat whenever my teams are in the spotlight and I won't complain about it.

Speaker 1 And we will do that going forward.

Speaker 5 When's the next opportunity that you have to give your hopes up? Never. Or maybe in the draft, Caleb Williams?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, we're going to draft Caleb Williams. But yeah,

Speaker 1 whenever people control me, go ahead and, I mean, I get trolled all day, but again, troll away. Like, I deserve it.
I deserve to eat shit. Okay.

Speaker 1 My cool throne is, I got two.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Caleb Williams, he's got a cool pink phone. Oh, that's nice.
Probably the coolest thing ever. You guys probably were dying to have a quarterback with a pink phone.
I honestly guess what?

Speaker 1 He's mine.

Speaker 5 I haven't seen that.

Speaker 5 Is that part of the Caleb Williams news cycle?

Speaker 1 He was at the USC game last night. He has a pink phone.
Got people really upset. I say

Speaker 1 maybe think differently. He's so advanced, he knows that pink phones are cool.

Speaker 5 Is he supporting breast cancer awareness?

Speaker 1 Guess what? You probably won't lose a pink phone. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It sticks out.

Speaker 5 I had a red phone. It was sick.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 I only had a red phone because I wasn't secure enough in my sexuality to have a pink phone.

Speaker 1 This is going to really suck if the Bears don't take Caleb Williams because I've just gone all in on defending him.

Speaker 1 And as everyone knows on this podcast, I've always said pink phones are the most masculine thing you can do.

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, I think it's a pretty much set thing that you guys are going to take Caleb Williams.

Speaker 1 Max, what do you think about the pink phone? I saw your face there. You loved it.
No, I just wanted you to talk about it. Yeah, I loved it.
I loved it. I thought it was so cool.

Speaker 1 I never even thought you could have a pink phone.

Speaker 7 It had like the pink wallet attached to it.

Speaker 1 It might have even had pink fingernails, which also so cool. Who doesn't match their fingernails to their phone? I also think that may not have been his phone.

Speaker 1 It could have also not been his phone, but if it was, whoever's phone that was. I'm looking at it right now.

Speaker 5 He might, I think he's got a pink sparkly wallet, too. Yeah.
It's a sparkly wallet.

Speaker 1 That's cool as fuck. Jerry McCain McCain paints his nails.
That's fucking cool. Might be the best player in the league.
Yeah. In the tournament.
Also, great dance moves in this video. Yep.

Speaker 5 Oh, there's a there was a guy on Duke that had painted nails, too.

Speaker 1 Jerry, he's good. Yeah, yeah, Jerry McCain, yeah.
Yeah, he dropped like 40 of them. He couldn't miss.

Speaker 7 Yeah, he's a TikTok star.

Speaker 6 He is a TikTok star.

Speaker 1 Yeah. My other cool throne is Andrew Huberman, who had a hit piece out against him from the New Yorker.

Speaker 1 Who is he? All right, so he's a podcaster, scientist, like bro scientist.

Speaker 5 He's the world's preeminent bro-scientist geared towards Will Compton and Billy Football.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's, you know, like Ben Shapiro for science. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know about that.
I don't think he's too political. Just Tate for science.
No, I'm saying, but like bro.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, he's Joe.

Speaker 1 Yes, Joe Rogan is the Venn diagram, like a big circle. He's, you know, cold tubs, like healthy living, no alcohol, that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 So the New Yorker wrote a hit piece about him, which is very funny because I would say the amount of people that listen to Andrew Huberman and subscribe to the New Yorker is zero.

Speaker 1 But either way,

Speaker 1 the big

Speaker 1 gotcha moment was that he has like six or seven girlfriends,

Speaker 1 which

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's a ringing endorsement for his lifestyle because he's like 48 years old and to have the energy to have six or seven girlfriends means that he's doing something right with his like healthy living.

Speaker 5 Yeah, this guy gets laid too much.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Real problem.
I mean, it's scumbag behavior to cheat on, you know, a significant other, but again, like he 48 years old and be like, yeah, I have the time for seven girlfriends.

Speaker 5 Wait, do the girlfriends know about each other?

Speaker 1 The article kind of revealed it and like, you know, how it all unfolded.

Speaker 1 Also, very funny because people are going back, and he had a life hack was one of his life hacks was to have a second phone just for working out that only has music on it.

Speaker 1 I feel like that second phone might have been for other people. Yeah,

Speaker 5 that was his pink phone, if you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Is he married? Did he, like, preach? No.

Speaker 1 He probably is a little bit of a hypocrite in that respect. But again, he's 48 years old and has energy for seven girlfriends.
I don't know. Maybe Cold Tubbs work.

Speaker 5 Okay, so this is pretty funny. He was dating a woman named Sarah.

Speaker 5 Not a real name, but that was the name of

Speaker 1 what they're classifying as girlfriend.

Speaker 5 And they asked her a question. She said she would return, and the answer would be on an old phone.
She sit up, left for only a moment, and returned with a box labeled old phones.

Speaker 5 So it sounds like his girlfriends had multiple phones, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The hip piece was essentially like he's not a great guy, which I don't know if anyone,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't have, like, if you told me Andrew Hubern is not a great guy, I'd be like, okay, sure. Like, don't make a hero out of a podcaster.

Speaker 1 So it's like, he, the one part that was, I thought was like, oh, this guy's a scumbag was, I think Sarah, his girlfriend, was going through IVF to try to have a child while he was cheating on her.

Speaker 1 That sucks. Like, that's a shitty move.
Yep. That's,

Speaker 1 again, it wasn't.

Speaker 1 I only skimmed it, so I might have missed something. Either way, I just saw the fact that he had seven girlfriends in 48 and it's like, how could you have the time to do that? Yes.

Speaker 5 Insane. So I've been watching some of his videos and listening to his podcast just in the past like couple weeks because he came across my desk via Billy Football.

Speaker 5 He's a big cold tub guy. Yeah.
Big cold tub to the point where now I want to get a cold tub.

Speaker 5 I've been, I'm going to go back and forth, back and forth between Sana, cold tub, sauna cold tub, and then all my problems will go away.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then it just gives you a natural high. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I'm in. I'm in.
I don't want to have seven girlfriends, but I'm in on everything else.

Speaker 5 Seven girlfriends would be exhausting.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. It would be exhausting.
He's proving that his method works because I don't know anyone who's above the age of. Actually, I don't know anyone who could handle seven girlfriends.

Speaker 5 It would, honestly, now I'm kind of backtracking on Huberman because it led you to a point where you think that having seven girlfriends is a good idea. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It sounds like he's got a messy personal life and okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's got sex addiction. Come on to sex.

Speaker 5 Come on the pod.

Speaker 1 Addicted to sex.

Speaker 5 We would have him him on the pod, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, can everyone please follow, if you're listening to this right now, can you follow us on Spotify? I guess they make those numbers public. So let's get those numbers up.

Speaker 1 Follow us on Spotify if you listen on Spotify. Do it.
Do it. Do it.

Speaker 1 Okay, Jake, your hot seat cool thrown.

Speaker 6 My hot seat is the Arizona Diamondbacks. They play at Chase Field.
They had their penultimate spring training game last night, and it was called Due to Rain.

Speaker 6 The crazy part about that is they have a retractable roof, and they just never closed it.

Speaker 1 Oh, they forgot. That one guy rules that he just like woke up.
It's basically Max pressing the button. Yeah.
Like he just woke up. He's like, wait, did I fucking forget to close the roof? Yeah.

Speaker 6 Apparently, they didn't close it in mid-game, but they probably should have seen the forecast. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That's

Speaker 1 poor guy.

Speaker 5 Biggest roof close failures. Arizona Diamondbacks number one.
JFK number two. Yep.

Speaker 1 That's it right there.

Speaker 6 Yeah, so that was interesting. My cool throne is Christmas Day.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Football is taking over once again. We have another Christmas Day game.
It's even on a Wednesday this year, so they're willing to go the distance. Yeah, they rule.

Speaker 1 We rule.

Speaker 6 They're going to take over the NBA.

Speaker 5 We do rule.

Speaker 1 I feel like it is a win for us.

Speaker 5 It's a big win for us. We did it.

Speaker 1 I'm not a ratings guy, but I do, in these moments, I'm just like, suck at NBA. Yeah.
You're watching football.

Speaker 5 So the NFL said, I think in the last year, that they would not do a game on Christmas Day this year because it was going to be on a Wednesday. Yeah.
And then they're like, yeah, you know what, though?

Speaker 5 The ratings were pretty good.

Speaker 1 They said everything because they, you know, the rule is that they never do Friday nights because of high school football.

Speaker 1 And then they broke, it was obviously Friday during the day, the Black Friday game last year. Yeah.
They're just, I like it. They're just cocky.

Speaker 1 They're like, we'll play football anytime and everyone will watch.

Speaker 5 At this point, the NFL could invent a day of the week in between Saturday and Sunday and just be like, yeah, we're doing Satunda now. And that's when we play football.

Speaker 5 We're going to do three games on Satunde. And we'd be like, yeah, I guess there's eight days in the week, and I'm going to watch football on on the eighth one.

Speaker 1 I kind of,

Speaker 1 so the teams that play on Wednesday are going to play on Saturday, the week before. So they'll have, so it'll be exactly like a Sunday, Thursday.

Speaker 1 It's kind of, I mean, you get a pretty big break after that, an extra buy. Yeah.
Because you go Wednesday, then all the way to the following Sunday. So

Speaker 1 I feel like I would, if your team is good and you want to have that extra buy right at the end of the season.

Speaker 5 Yeah, man. Yeah.
I'd be in on that. How do you think the NBA is going to counteract this? Because Adam Silver's cooking something up in his lab right now.

Speaker 5 A one-day tournament?

Speaker 1 They do the breakaway baskets.

Speaker 5 Yeah, a breakaway basket.

Speaker 5 Or a one-day tournament, the NBA Christmas Cup, where every team plays multiple games that day and there's only one winner that day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like an AAU day.

Speaker 6 8 a.m. starts.
8 a.m.

Speaker 5 starts and then there's one winner. The cup game tips off at like 11 p.m.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what they could do is they could just the NBA could just be make it Jante Porter day and everyone wins their bets.

Speaker 5 That'd be nice.

Speaker 1 People would tune in. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jante Porter plays

Speaker 1 in every game.

Speaker 5 They make the rims a little bit bigger.

Speaker 1 So every overhits. That would be smart.

Speaker 6 So we would have Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, NFL, and then the next two days are college football playoff quarterfinals. Beautiful.

Speaker 5 It's great. Love it.
It's great. Can't wait.
God bless America.

Speaker 1 Can't wait. Okay, let's get to our interview.
We have Shane Gillis on the show. Long time coming.
Shane's the man.

Speaker 1 He has probably the busiest schedule out of anyone, and he made time for us, came by when he was in Chicago. Before we do that, PFT, you got a quick word from one of our sponsors.

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Speaker 5 Code audio at checkout. Now here's Shane Gillis.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. Long, long overdue.
It's, I was going to say the number one comedian, but I know that would bother you. Don't say that.
I'm not going to say that.

Speaker 1 It's Shane Gillis. It's the dog.

Speaker 5 You've kind of transcended comedy. It's an all-around entertainment superstar.

Speaker 1 Changed the art.

Speaker 1 Shane, are you A-list? Do you want to leave? Do you want to not do it again?

Speaker 1 That'd be great if you're just like, I'm out. I'm out.
No, Shane's here.

Speaker 1 Awesome to have you. Thank you very much for coming by.
I mean, you did fuck with me last night because you had a show. You're in Chicago for Chicago theater shows.

Speaker 1 Shane made me do The Voice of God, and I just fucking.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to be all energy. I blew it.

Speaker 5 How do you do the voice of God?

Speaker 1 Like, like being like, ladies and gentlemen, like, please no flash photography. And I just blew it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so there's, yeah, there's a microphone next to the curtain where you make the announcement, and I was like, here's all you got to say.

Speaker 1 Like, if you're going to take a picture, don't use a flash, don't film anything, and then introduce Nate Marshall.

Speaker 1 And I was like, and then say whatever, like, add whatever you want, like, be like, Chicago, what's up?

Speaker 1 He literally was like, hey, everybody, if you're going to take a picture, don't use the flash and don't film anything, give it up for Nate Marshall.

Speaker 1 Right away, I was like, motherfucker.

Speaker 1 That was one of the worst ones ever. That was a bad one.
I said to Nate after, I was like, I'm so sorry because I feel like I fucked you.

Speaker 1 He's like, no, dude, actually, it was good because you were so bad. It made me laugh and put me at ease going out there.
Yeah, it was funny.

Speaker 5 Do most places have their own voice of God or do you just deputize it?

Speaker 1 No, you have to do it. Yeah.
Usually, if somebody's with me, I'm like, you want to do it?

Speaker 1 But no,

Speaker 1 or I have to do it, which which is terrible.

Speaker 1 I'm so bad at it. Maybe y'all show up tonight and give it a second chance.
Yeah, get pumped.

Speaker 5 Next time you're in New York, it should be Frank the Tank.

Speaker 1 Oh, that'd be incredible. But he would just be like, the New Jersey Transit is delayed.
It'd be incredible to get him going while he's doing it. Be like, yo, the Phillies rule the Mets up.

Speaker 1 Well, the Met Fucker.

Speaker 1 Over the voice of God. 10 minutes of it.
He does it. He comes to Rough and Rowdy for every Rough and Rowdy just to get in the ring right before him.
Just say, is everyone ready to get Rough and Rowdy?

Speaker 1 Well, that's not not it.

Speaker 5 That's not it at all. It's, are you ready to get, who's ready to get rough? Who's ready to get rowdy? Are you ready to get rough and rowdy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good. Yeah, better than what I did.
Yeah, he's Bruce Buffer. Yeah.
He's your buffer. Yeah.
All right, so you're here. Thank you for coming on.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're, you're, I don't want to, because I know you, we're friends, and I know, like, the thing about Shane is he is just a regular dude.

Speaker 1 And it's like, this last whatever stretch for you has been probably mind-blowing. I don't want to suck your dick because it makes you uncomfortable, but shit, man, you're killing it.
Thanks, man.

Speaker 1 You guys are, too. This place is beautiful.
Yeah, let's just suck each other's dick the whole time. You guys are awesome.

Speaker 5 That's what you do to get famous in comedy, right? You have to suck two dicks at once. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Basically, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, we'll start with something easy. All-time favorite Notre Dame player.
Ooh. Shane is a die-hard Notre Dame fan.
Die Hard. I'm going to forget.
That's a tough one.

Speaker 1 It doesn't have to be the best. Samarja was.

Speaker 1 Samarja was. Samarja was up there.
That team was. That was a big team for me.
Samarja was. Brittany Quinn.
Yeah. Samarja.
Yeah. Britney Quinn.
I mean, we've had him on the show. Darius Walker.

Speaker 1 The best spiral of all time. Yeah, he was.
That spiral was so, so sick. Yeah, that team was.

Speaker 5 The safety was Zibokowski, right? Zibokowski. Every time he'd be on TV, they'd be like, he's a golden game.

Speaker 1 He loves boxer. He's a boxer, man.
He's so tough.

Speaker 5 And then Samarja was a really good receiver, and then he goes pro as a baseball player.

Speaker 1 That rocks. It made a lot of money.
NEBA played forever. Yeah, he's on the cops.
Throw the ball.

Speaker 5 Okay, so you're not. How are you, Notre Dame fan? How'd that start?

Speaker 1 My grandpa played for him, and my cousin played for him. Okay, that makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you go way back.
So my whole family's obsessed.

Speaker 5 Do you like the tradition, the

Speaker 1 whole Notre Dameness of it? I do.

Speaker 5 You get really into that?

Speaker 1 But there's also a part I didn't go to the fucking school. So like the academic standards, I don't care.
That's always like, it's like, who cares? Just fucking win. What's up, Santa? Santa is here.

Speaker 1 He's going to be on in a minute, too. Sorry, I just wanted to pop in.
No, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, sit down. No.
Sit down. No.

Speaker 1 All right, he's going to go shoot hoops.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you've been a Notre Dame fan your whole life. It's

Speaker 1 Notre Dame. You know, people hate Notre Dame.
Like, hate, hate, hate Notre Dame. Not as much as they should.

Speaker 1 They used to, like, growing up, they hated them. Yeah, because they haven't been as good as they were so good.
Yeah, now people are starting to be like, ah, I was cheering for Notre Dame.

Speaker 1 It's like, damn.

Speaker 1 We suck. You have the people, and I count myself as one of them, being like, I don't like Notre Dame, but they're good for college football.
Which probably is kind of like a pat on their head. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, I kind of wish they were in the mix. Yeah.
But they've been in the mix a little. Yeah.

Speaker 5 They're all right. Are they going to join the Big Ten?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think they might have to eventually.
I think they should. I would like it.
Yeah. That'd be fun.
It would be sick. USC being in there helps now.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then bring back the Michigan Rappers. I would love to bring back the Michigan Rappers.
I know. I fucking hate Michigan.
I know. That would be a great one.

Speaker 1 I think actually Wisconsin plays Notre Dame in a couple years at Lambeau. I want to see.
They were supposed to do that. Yeah, and then COVID.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I went to the game at Soldier Field and Notre Dame. That was nice.
Shit out of yeah. It was

Speaker 1 a high game. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, well. And Drew Pine came out of nowhere.

Speaker 1 Started dealing.

Speaker 1 Drew Pine, all like five, ten of them. Yeah.
He's hitting the McGregor strut and shit after throwing. Yeah.
So wait, would you rather have a Notre Dame national title than an Eagles Super Bowl? Yes.

Speaker 1 Without a doubt. No doubt.
No doubt. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. I mean, you have to, everyone has that, like, you know, they rank

Speaker 1 where it is. It's Notre Dame.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Phillies. Yeah, I'm not going to say it.
Never mind. What? No, say it.
No, I was going to say, like, if they died, I'd be for a national title. The Phillies died.
The Phillies program.

Speaker 1 The entire team died. The whole team died.

Speaker 5 Trade Bryce Harper

Speaker 1 for like a knockoff rifle. No offense to the Phillies.
No offense to the Phillies. I love the Phillies.

Speaker 5 So it goes Notre Dame Eagles Sixers? Are you a Sixers guy?

Speaker 1 I would probably say Phillies over the Sixers. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the Sixers. Flyers, whenever they're good, that's fun.
Yeah. They've been bad forever, so I stopped liking hockey.
Yeah. Speaking of

Speaker 1 the NBA,

Speaker 1 so you met Steph Curry the other day, and he was like, I know who you are. Yeah, that was crazy.

Speaker 1 That was so, yeah, that was crazy. That has to be one of those moments.
Because, like I said, at the start, you are a regular dude. You have not changed much, even though everything's happened to you.

Speaker 1 Does that happen? You're just like,

Speaker 1 how does Steph Curry know who I am? Yeah, that was wild. And it was like, you've sat in those seats, those like court size.
I couldn't move. Right.
I was like uncomfortable the entire game.

Speaker 1 I didn't move because I'm too big. I'm sitting like on people's laps, just uncomfortable the entire game.
And at the end of the game, I walk over and I'm like, hi, I'm Shane Gillis.

Speaker 1 You guys nailed it. Whoever did the lip reading got it perfectly.
I was like, hi, I'm Shane. He was like, I know who you are, dude.
I was like, sick.

Speaker 1 And then he was like, he said he was a fan. I was like, damn, that's crazy.

Speaker 5 That is nuts. The court side seats are weird because to me, the biggest problem is you don't have any place to put your beer.

Speaker 5 yeah and you put it down by your feet and you know you're going to kick i'm going to spill it onto the fucking warriors bench and the game's going to stop and they're going to bring a guy with a towel and the camera's going to zoom in and be like look at this alcoholic spilling his drink everywhere yeah that's that's a nightmare

Speaker 1 absolute nightmare uh so when you were in new york i the only question i have about s n l is was there any part of you that was like i'm not gonna host it when they offered it to you because it would have yeah so you you were like contemplating it because you'd be like no fuck you guys i'm bigger than you guys you're coming back to me now It was more of it's the funniest thing possible.

Speaker 1 Right. To say no.
But then I realized I would have to publicly say they offered me and I said no. And then no one would know.
It's not like they publicly offered it. Right.
You know?

Speaker 1 And that makes it corny to be like, they actually asked me and I said no. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You need that to be leaked somehow. Yeah.
We would have leaked it for you. Yeah.
If that happens again, but

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I was like joking about it. We'd be hanging out.
I'd be like, it'd be so cool if I didn't do it. I might not do it.
And then back in my my head, I was like, I'm definitely doing it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm absolutely going to do that. Did they call, did Lauren call you directly? No.
So, what, they just reached out to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and you, were you like, this is a prank at first?

Speaker 1 No, because I had heard rumblings of it for a while, like a year. Yeah.
Of like, they might ask you to host. It must have, like, when you walked in the room, was it awkward at all?

Speaker 1 Or were you just like, hey, guys, like, remember? Yeah, day one was awkward.

Speaker 1 Day one was very uncomfortable because it was offices that I hadn't been in since

Speaker 1 then. Yeah.
Wait,

Speaker 1 I didn't realize you would like actually. Did you do a full day of work there? I did.
No, I didn't do any work.

Speaker 1 It was just damage control

Speaker 1 in different offices. Right.
But yeah, I was in there a lot. You were in there.
Yeah. And so I was just sitting in offices where the worst thing

Speaker 1 happened. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is it.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Did you think about doing the Norm McDonald joke in your monologue?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 A lot. But then,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think the best way to handle it is to just do comedy.
Yeah. For me.
Like, Norm got fired for making fun of OJ. Right.
His was a lot different.

Speaker 5 We can say Norm was right.

Speaker 1 Norm was right. Yeah.
Yeah. Dead right.
We can publicly say Norm was right. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 And he was on the show, and the fans there liked him. You know, if I got out there and I was like, yeah, fuck this show.
Yeah. It would look crazy.
And then I'd still have to do the show. Right.

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You'd be like, fuck this show. Like in the monologue, if I was like, yeah, whatever.
This show sucks. I'm crazy.
And then have to do s sketches where I'm like.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did they

Speaker 1 sucks?

Speaker 5 Like, how involved in the writing process did they let you be? Because I know that you like write sketch comedy.

Speaker 1 I brought McKeever. Yeah.
He's the one who does a majority of the writing. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Did you guys actually bring your own shit to them or were you like, hey, we're going to do this?

Speaker 1 We brought a couple sketches, but day one was when we had to pitch them and it was a very uncomfortable day.

Speaker 1 And then we got in a room with a bunch of the writers and we're like, here's some ideas we have. And we would tell the jokes and they would be like, huh.
Oh.

Speaker 1 And we were immediately like, all right, we're not pitching anything else ever again. We suck.
You guys are right.

Speaker 5 Also, just use the good shit for yourself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's also that.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 There was a tweet. One Barstall employee after your monologue tweeted this.

Speaker 5 Shane Gillis on SNL saying gay, retarded, and cracker is exactly what we needed.

Speaker 5 Do you think, is that tweet?

Speaker 1 You saved America.

Speaker 1 That felt good, honestly.

Speaker 5 Would you say that tweet's more gay or retarded?

Speaker 1 I would say that's fucking nuts. You know who?

Speaker 1 Will. Yeah, Will Company.

Speaker 1 We're like, dude, it was. It was Will that was retarded.

Speaker 1 Will was just like, Shane Gillis just saved America.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there was a lot of pressure on that fucking monologue. Did you, so the big question, though, is...

Speaker 1 Hold on, there's one here. This one's my favorite.
It's like...

Speaker 1 Shane Gillis bringing back calling things gay and retarded on SNL like we used to in middle school. And it's, oh shit, I'm airplane mode.

Speaker 1 It's this Michigan fan that's like, this should mean something to me, man.

Speaker 1 Like a guy crying, like, it means something to me.

Speaker 1 The big question is, though, was there ever even like a small part of you that was like, maybe I should do the Bud Dwyer?

Speaker 1 Because you said you were going to do the Bud Dwyer. Yeah, I said I was going to kill myself.
If I ever got back, I would say, live from my mouth, this fucking gun. Kill myself, buddy.

Speaker 1 Like, obviously, I don't want you to die. I would have been the, yeah, that would have been the coolest.
But was there a small part of you that's like, what if I did?

Speaker 1 It's like almost like getting on the top of a tall building. You're like, what if I jumped? Yeah, yeah.
There's obviously, I understand the, I would be the coolest guy of all time.

Speaker 1 But if I got back on SNL and blew my head off on live television, that would be, that might be the biggest entertainment story of all time. It would be, it'd be up there, right?

Speaker 1 I mean, Bud Dwyer was huge. Yeah.
And that was just some fucking guy. Yeah.
Whatever he was. That would have, I mean,

Speaker 1 there was a small part of me watching it being like.

Speaker 1 He would.

Speaker 1 I actually think, I think they would have had to cancel.

Speaker 5 Like, they would have canceled SNL.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, no shit.
I've canceled the NBC. I think the entire guy.

Speaker 1 You said you were going to do it, too. You telegraphed it.
They're like, why would they let him on?

Speaker 5 No live television ever again for anyone.

Speaker 1 The gambling sketch you did felt very pointed.

Speaker 1 That had nothing to do with me. I didn't write that.
Because I was watching it live with my wife, and she literally was just staring at me the entire time that sketch was going.

Speaker 1 She's like, huh. And I was just like, what, what? what?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was a good one. Yeah.
I liked that. Yeah.
So, I mean, yeah,

Speaker 1 your stuff is

Speaker 1 the stuff you guys, you do with McKeever is incredible. And you have a new show coming on Netflix

Speaker 1 that you paid for yourself. Yes.
Which is awesome. Yeah.
So you were just like, fuck it, I'm going to do this show. I don't want my friends to be in it.

Speaker 1 Was there ever a doubt you would get to this point where it's like,

Speaker 1 I can now bring all my friends along and pay for this shit? Well, the reason I'm friends with them is like, they're good. Right.
You know, I have a bunch of friends that I didn't bring along.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Sass is, like, listening to this right now. Francis.
Oh, Nathan.

Speaker 1 Nathan, Florida. No, Francis is in it.
Oh, Francis. Francis is actually in it.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Yeah, no, it wasn't like that. I mean,

Speaker 1 like, these guys, it's not like I'm bringing that. They're great.
Like, McKeever and the guy that's in it, who's like, actually, the main character is Steve Gerbin. And people are going to love him.

Speaker 1 He's as funny as it gets. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's easy to, yeah. It's easy to work with those guys.

Speaker 1 Were you feeling like this is a big risk to fund it myself? Or you're like, I know it's going to be funny. No, because we did it with Gillian Keeves.
I funded that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it was like, we can just put it behind a paywall and I'll make, I'll at least make it back. Right.
Or close to make it back. Right.

Speaker 1 And then with me, it's easy because if we put all these sketches out, even if I didn't make the money back, it'll result in ticket sales. Right.
And I'll make the money back that way.

Speaker 5 It's also nice to just run it yourself so nobody has any chance of telling you like, hey, take this out, don't do this.

Speaker 1 yeah or like get embarrassed if somebody doesn't like one of the sketches that you do yeah that's a that's a nice bit of freedom that that's hard that was hard about snl is having zero creative control really right because i never work with other people right it's always me and my friends or stand-up yeah the it's i i don't i i really am not trying to be this guy being like you beat the system but have you had that thought like i kind of beat the system because like now it's like netflix is like oh yeah we want to put your show on snl's inviting you back Like, all this stuff.

Speaker 1 I think that's a lot of your story arc where people are drawn to you because it's like, you beat the system. You did it your way.
Yeah. And people ride for an underdog like that.
For sure.

Speaker 1 I think, though, now that is the system. Yeah.
Now it's really, that just is the system now. If you want to do comedy, it's like you kind of got to make it yourself.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 5 It's like we're talking to Stavi about that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Stavi's another guy.

Speaker 5 Doing your own thing and having all that control. It's really the way to go.

Speaker 5 Stavi also, I don't know if if you heard the episode he did with us, but he's obviously a big Baltimore Ravens.

Speaker 1 He's in tires. Stavio.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 A lot. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 He had his brain set on the Ravens winning the Super Bowl on his birthday this year, and then it took him like a week to process the loss.

Speaker 5 He was just locked up in his apartment or his house in Baltimore, just eating ice cream all day, like just in the dark thinking.

Speaker 1 He didn't need that fucking Ravens loss to eat all that ice cream.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I'm so depressed. I think we were the first people to talk to him.
We had him on on like the Thursday after they lost. Yeah, he was having fun this season.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He was like the face of the Ravens. I know.

Speaker 1 It's how it became that.

Speaker 5 It had built up to this point where he was dead certain that his birthday, they were going to win the Super Bowl. Then he was going to party with the team and become best friends with everyone.

Speaker 5 Then when they lost, it just crushed him.

Speaker 5 If you're anything like Max, who's also an Eagles fan.

Speaker 1 How's that Nova? They're actually coming back. We're cooking right now.
I told you. Yeah, we're good.
Out of game. We're good.
Out of game.

Speaker 5 Max was not that same way when the Eagles lost. He saw that coming like a mile away.
As an Eagles fan, were you like, did you have any hope this season?

Speaker 1 This year? No. Yeah.
I mean, when they were 10-1, I was like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 10-1. Yeah.
It was way different than last year, though. Last year, they were fucking, or the year before, they were fucking fucking.
It was like magical. Yeah.
Yeah. This year was very

Speaker 1 struggling a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was obvious. Yeah.
But then, you know, they get in the playoffs. You're like, hey, maybe they're.

Speaker 1 Magic. Yeah, they got a chance.
I think I bet on them against the Bucks. I was like, have they been there? It's like so fucking stupid.
It's like,

Speaker 1 you see. The writing was on the wall with that.
They were falling apart the entire. The second half of the season was crazy.
As soon as they lost Big Dom, it was over. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Big Dom was what kept it all together. He's a man.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, all right, so Eagles, the one thing that I feel like you have a cheat code to, most comedians, maybe I'm wrong, but a lot of comedians aren't like huge sports fans.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's fair. Like, Burr's, obviously, Bill Burr is a huge sports fan.
We have him, whenever we have him on, he just like rants about sports. We're like, great.

Speaker 1 Didn't you have something to plug?

Speaker 1 But you get, like, I feel like all the athletes are like drawn to you because you're like, I'm a huge sports fan. I talk about sports in my set.
Like, all these guys can relate to me. Yeah, it's nice.

Speaker 1 No other comics really talk about playing football. Right.
Right. Everybody played high school football.
And you get to just eat it all up. Yeah.
It's nice. It's fucking sick.
It's easy.

Speaker 1 Every city you go to, it's like, oh, there's the entire offensive line of money. Yeah, it's always the O-line.
That feels good, dude. The O-line is always out for me.
Love seeing the big dudes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You played it. Was it Elon? Yeah.
You played at Elon one. Played one year.
I sucked.

Speaker 5 What was that like playing there?

Speaker 1 It was awesome. Other than getting my fucking ass kicked every day.
Yeah. It was a cool school.

Speaker 5 So I've heard a good thing. I had a bunch of friends that went there because I grew up in Virginia.

Speaker 5 So, like, the good athletes, if they don't get into, like, if Virginia Tech doesn't hit them, like, Elon's a good place to go. But, like, did you start there?

Speaker 1 No, I went, well, pretty much, yeah. I went to Army for three weeks.
Okay. Which is hilarious.
What, three weeks?

Speaker 1 Your story about quitting Army is like the most relatable story ever because I just like, if I had, if you put me in West Point for a week, I'd be like, I want to go home right now. Dude, I quit.

Speaker 1 Did I ever tell you that with the parade? No. All right.
So day one, when you get to West Point, they drop you. Like, your parents drop you off at, like, five in the morning.

Speaker 1 You go through, it's called Our Day, I think. And so that's where they, like, shave your head, give you a fucking uniform, teach you how to march.

Speaker 1 And then at the end of the day, all the parents line the road and all the new, the cadets march past them. So they see their kids becoming soldiers.
And my mom was waving like a little American flag.

Speaker 1 And I was like marching past them. And I was like, I'm leaving.
I'm quitting.

Speaker 1 Right when I got past them, I was like, I'm fucking quitting. I'm out of here.
I hate it. My mom was like,

Speaker 1 I just watched her lower her flag. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Was it like day one you got there and you're like, I knew I was

Speaker 1 fucked like three months before I got there. I was like, damn, I'm fucked on this.
They give you, like, you know, any football program gives you like a workout program for the summer.

Speaker 1 Didn't touch it. Gained fucking 40 pounds.

Speaker 1 Did you get your head shaved? Yeah. Oh.
I still have to get my head shaved. You got to get your head shaved.
Oh, no. They got sworn into the military.
You got to swear in.

Speaker 1 So you were sitting, you were like flash forward like three weeks and you're sitting in your parents' basement with your head shaved being like, that happened.

Speaker 1 No, it was, I had to go straight to Elon. Oh, okay.
Because I quit.

Speaker 1 It was early enough at West Point. Boot camp starts early before preseason football.
So I got to leave boot camp to go to fucking preseason. Oh, okay.
So that's at least summer. No, that blew.

Speaker 1 That was way harder than fucking West Point.

Speaker 5 Do you, when you watch the Army-Navy game, do you find yourself rooting for Army?

Speaker 1 No, I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 A little bit. A little bit.
Yeah. At first, I was.
There was still a part of me that I was like, yeah. That's part of the bird boys.
Did you make a friend?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 one connection. Like the the first, you know, like everyone in like college, like your first week, you like meet that one guy.
You're like, we're going to be best friends forever.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, there were a couple guys, like we took like official visits together and recruited together that I was like, yeah, that's going to be my guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I remember when I was quitting, I saw him. He was standing at attention watching me like walk by and he was like.

Speaker 1 Wait, you had to walk by like a whole group of people. Yeah, when you quit, you have to be in like a platoon of fucking quitters.
No. And they still keep you there for like an extra week.

Speaker 1 How many quitters were there? There's a couple quitters, dude. There's probably not that many.
Out of a thousand, there was like 20 of us. Dude, I wouldn't, I mean, I would have quit before I even

Speaker 1 signed up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have even signed up.
I don't know what I was thinking. I, for real, don't know what I was thinking.
But that's like a very relatable thing.

Speaker 1 Like everyone has that where they're like, I'm going to be great. Yeah, I was thinking about that.
And then you could be the fucking president.

Speaker 1 I was, dude, it was, but they get your parents. They do a really good job of getting your parents.
So my parents were like locked in. They're like, this is awesome.

Speaker 1 Our son's going to be a fucking hero. I remember telling my dad once, I was like, fucking, I got to go to war.
What if I fucking die? He's like, is that so bad? I'm for your country?

Speaker 1 I was like, you didn't fucking, you didn't do anything by fucking saying that to me. Dude, Big Phil rocks.
He does rock.

Speaker 1 Shade's dad is in a lot of his comedy.

Speaker 1 I was laughing so hard when you, because I know you were like hard on yourself for your monologue for parts, but when you just like were like, yeah, I brought him just to roast him. Yeah.
Rules.

Speaker 1 No, that was the other thing about the monologue. Like, that's, you've you've seen me do stand-up.
That's how I do stand-up. Right.

Speaker 1 Like, the whole time I'm in the room, I'm like, ah, you didn't laugh at that. Whatever.
Fuck you. It's so natural.

Speaker 1 If you do that in a monologue, an SNL monologue usually isn't somebody in the room fucking around like, oh, the lights are bright. This is crazy.
I can see all you not laughing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They were laughing. You can hear that.
It's very loud laughter. Yeah.
And it's, but that's natural. And one of the jokes was about people not laughing was me being like, my niece has Down syndrome.

Speaker 1 I thought that would get a bigger laugh.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's bombing. It's It's like, no, that's the joke.
That's an insane thing to expect a laugh for. Yeah.

Speaker 5 That was a great little stretch we had with you doing the monologue and then Sidney Sweeney.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did you meet him?

Speaker 5 America's so bad.

Speaker 1 No, I did not meet Sidney Sweeney.

Speaker 1 But cool story. I was doing Radio City the next week while Sidney was doing Sidney, you know, first name.
Sidney. How many Sid Talk?

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 She was,

Speaker 1 there were people, me and it wasn't you, was it?

Speaker 1 Oh, it was James.

Speaker 1 We're standing on the corner by Radio City, and these two people behind us are talking about it because my name was on there. And they're like, oh, that's the guy that got canceled.
He was on SNL.

Speaker 1 And then I turned around. I was like, I hear that guy's a fucking asshole.
And then they were like, oh, our daughter's hosting this weekend. And I was like, whoa, you're Sidney Sweeney's mom?

Speaker 1 Holy shit. This is crazy.
And then they were like, yeah, we're here all week for it. And I was like, do you guys want to come to a show? And they're like, yeah.
Oh.

Speaker 1 I think Sidney Sweeney's mom came to my show. Do you think Sidney came? No.

Speaker 1 She was working, but otherwise, she definitely would have. She would have 100%.
God, I can't believe me and her are an item now.

Speaker 1 Dude, I actually do think that that's like your last step in Superstard. Ciddy Sweeney? No, not

Speaker 1 Sweeney.

Speaker 1 But like,

Speaker 1 I'm going to predict it. Like, I do think you're going to date

Speaker 1 a Hollywood A-lister, and everyone's going to be like, that's our hero, Shane.

Speaker 1 No chance.

Speaker 1 Any of these girls would put up with what she was doing. not true.

Speaker 1 You're funny, funny. I literally

Speaker 1 know if a girl's with me, she watches me play Xbox for seven hours. They don't stick around, dude.
What's your game? I can't change.

Speaker 1 Right? It fluctuates, but usually FIFA. How pumped are you for college football? I'm dead when that comes out.

Speaker 1 I'm shutting it down. My whole life is going to be over.

Speaker 1 I mean, I did that for all of COVID. Oh, we were talking about this.
Yeah, me too. Yeah.
I had an online dynasty over COVID. It was the best.
Dude, I had,

Speaker 1 when I started doing it, like, because there was no sports, I was doing it. Oh, I remember you guys were filming that.
I had like a hundred thousand people watching

Speaker 1 the national title to the Virginia Tech. There was no sports on, we were so starved for sports.

Speaker 5 We were like, I would watch Big Cat play a video game because I get to see the green grass and I get to see a ball, and it looks like the scores on the TV. And I feel like I'm actually watching it.

Speaker 5 It was great.

Speaker 1 And it was like fucked up in my house, too, because my wife would just be like, Why are you down? I'm like, We had a fucking tough game against Taylor this week.

Speaker 1 He was tough.

Speaker 1 Me and my friends had, well, they're not even like, they are my friends now, but so I, when I was, when I left Elon, I got an underage drinking and just left Elon.

Speaker 1 I never went back to handle that issue.

Speaker 1 So then, like a year later, I got a warrant for my arrest in North Carolina. Yes.
And so my dad had to drive me back. This is, this is ultimate rock bottom.

Speaker 1 I'm going to like Harrisburg Community College a year after I was supposed to be at West Point. And my dad had to drive me from Pennsylvania, North Carolina, to go to court.

Speaker 1 And so I had to get community service. So I just coached

Speaker 1 like a Pee Wee football team.

Speaker 1 It was all my friends, little brothers. It was the best.
I actually loved it. But then me and those kids had an online dynasty together.
I was like 23.

Speaker 1 They were all like fifth graders. I was fucking running the score up on.

Speaker 1 So then those same kids, when COVID happened, are like adults now. And we got the dynasty back to the city.
Oh,

Speaker 1 it was wonderful. Yeah, it was great.
And you're the coach. That's

Speaker 5 great. Were you Notre Dame? Do you play as Notre Dame?

Speaker 1 I usually don't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't do that. You got to build a bunch of people.
Yeah, we got to get a conference too.

Speaker 1 If it's an online dynasty, you got to pick a conference. Yeah,

Speaker 5 Arch Manning's not going to be in the new video game, though.

Speaker 1 I saw that.

Speaker 5 He said he's bowing out, or he wants to focus on football. So I don't know how that would distract him from playing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't understand why they did that.

Speaker 5 I think it's because

Speaker 5 if you're a Texas fan, every Texas fan that plays as the Longhorns would, if you have the opportunity to start Eli Manning or Quinn Ewers, who's the started quarterback, you're going to start or Arch Manning.

Speaker 5 You're going to put Arch Manning as quarterback, and then everyone's going to be like, yo, fuck Quinn Ewers, why is he playing in real life? Because everyone's playing as Arch in the video game.

Speaker 5 And I think Arch was trying to be a good teammate to be like, I don't want all this pressure on my teammate Quinn. Oh, that's nice.
Because everyone's going to play as me.

Speaker 1 I think that's my theory.

Speaker 1 Quinn's the fucking man. Yeah, I honestly think that if he was, like, if I was in a video game, I'd just play as myself the whole time.

Speaker 1 So when he says, I want to focus on football, I actually think he's being honest.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, like I would just spend so much time playing as myself, yeah, that it just because that's what I would do, of course, yeah.

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Speaker 1 What was a lame question? What was the moment that you're like, I can do this for a living?

Speaker 1 I have no idea.

Speaker 1 Probably when I won Philly's funniest, there's a tournament or a competition in Philly every year. That was a big deal.
Philly's like crushing. Philly's doing well right now, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like all these funny, like, shit little people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you garbage guys came out of there? Yeah. McCusker, McKeever, Tommy Pope, O'Connor.
Yeah. Yeah, it's a good group.

Speaker 1 Kate Marshall, LeMer Lady, Sean Gardini. Get them all in there.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Philly's so funny because it's like Roan.

Speaker 1 Roan.

Speaker 5 I feel like people from Philly have a little bit of sleaziness to them, but they love that part. They are very open about how sleazy they are, whereas some other cities aren't that comfortable.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's why Boston was so good. Yeah.
Boston was Boston's the best comedy city ever.

Speaker 5 Is there a bad comedy town?

Speaker 5 Like, maybe not from people from that town, but like to play.

Speaker 1 To do stand-up? Like, yeah, there's like New Orleans and Miami. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I've heard that. I've heard that about stand-up and also music.
Yeah. Like, it's tough to play shows in New Orleans because you're competing against everything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, everything. Yeah.
It's a parade of drunk people. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When we had Jay Oakerson on, he was like, we're like, what's the best? He's like, just anywhere, pick anywhere in the middle of Ohio. Ohio's good.
Yeah, he's like, it rose.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's just like the most active. Boston, I think Boston and Philly are the, those are my favorite.
Yeah. Boston's always good.
Yeah. That was like the first place I sold out a club.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Was Boston. That's and now you're going to maybe do you're doing an arena.
You're doing one in doing some arenas. Yeah, we'll see how that goes.
I don't know how comedy fits in an arena, but whatever.

Speaker 1 Yeah. we'll see.

Speaker 1 That's got to go forward, Madison Square Garden. Yeah.
Probably.

Speaker 5 That's got to be wild going out and not being able to see the back of the club. Like, not being able to see all the people that are there.

Speaker 1 Theaters, like, last night, you can only see the front three rows. Yeah.
And it's like, I'll go out at the end of the show and be like, oh, this is what it looked like. Damn, this place is nice.

Speaker 5 Yeah. So, what's next, besides, like, arena tours? What's the next thing that you want to accomplish?

Speaker 1 College football documents. I mean, arena tours is crazy.
I don't know how long I'll do that. I'm going to see what it's like.

Speaker 1 I would say making some movies with McKeever and my friends. Yeah.
Yeah. Probably do that this year, hopefully.
Be like the new Adam Sandler where you're all your friends. That'd be perfect.

Speaker 1 That's got to be the most rewarding part. It's just like

Speaker 1 all your boys are coming for you. And they're coming down to Austin, too.
And it's like, yeah, that's like what Roughhouse did with McBride. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He has all his crew down in South Carolina. Yeah.
That's awesome.

Speaker 5 That's so sweet. My favorite thing Sandler did was he just started filming movies in Hawaii.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every movie.
You'd have my boy. By the way, that's our movie I do.
It's in, like, Florida. I love that.
Yeah, yeah. Go on a vacation.
Spend three months in Key West. Fuck it.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Austin's a cool town.

Speaker 5 I've heard good and bad things about it as a comedy town. So I lived there for about 10 years, but it was before like the Rogan, that whole

Speaker 5 comedy mothership or whatever went there.

Speaker 5 Has it like changed since you've been down there?

Speaker 1 I've only been down there since like November, but I was going there the last like two years. Yeah, there's a ton of comics there now, and it is like a comedy town.

Speaker 1 People go there now to just go to the comedy clubs. Yeah.

Speaker 5 That's cool. It's just so fucking hot down there.

Speaker 1 It is fucking hot as hell. You haven't even done a song.
I feel like you don't dwell in the heat. Fuck no.
Dude, it's going to be

Speaker 5 inside for 110 degrees between June and August every year.

Speaker 1 Thank God for the college football game coming back. Yeah.
That's a godsend in the city. It is.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Austin's.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I still, obviously, New York is still the best at comedy.
Yeah. Like the comedy seller, I think, is.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because don't you you have to get past there, too, and everything? That's how Rogan's Club is, though. Oh, really? Rogan's Club, yeah.

Speaker 1 They adopted a lot of the stuff they were doing at the comedy store, which is like, there's like door guys. That's a cool thing.
So, like,

Speaker 1 at the comedy store, you can get hired as a door guy and then work your way up to like actually being a comedian there. Did you, who, who passed you

Speaker 1 there when you first started in New York?

Speaker 1 Wait, which club, you mean? Yeah, or like which the stand, the stand comedy club booked me pretty early. Yeah.
And then the seller, the seller I auditioned,

Speaker 1 I took an Adderall that day. I didn't know it was an audition.
So like three years ago, I auditioned for like a Comedy Central show.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was Comedy Central Live at the cellar. And

Speaker 1 I was hungover. I took an Adderall during the day, which I can't perform.
If you take an Adderall, I can't do stand-up. I cannot.
I don't know what it is.

Speaker 1 I just get too focused. Like, nothing's funny.
Like, I'll say someone and be like, why would I say that? It doesn't even make sense. But I just bombed my audition.

Speaker 1 And then, like, two years later, they were just like, Do you want to work here? It's like, yes. Yeah.
Please. That rocks.
Remember that story? Whatever. At the Super Bowl.
Oh, that was.

Speaker 1 No, I suck, whatever. You should have taken Adam Roll?

Speaker 1 I wish. I'd be flying.
You remember at the Super Bowl?

Speaker 5 Was it last year when you were staying with Bert? Yeah. And we showed up, and then Max was texting.
Who were you texting with?

Speaker 1 Dallas Goddard. Yeah, Dallas Goddard.

Speaker 5 It was like a different Dallas Goddard or something.

Speaker 1 It was a different Dallas. Dallas Goddard's friend that was also named Dallas.
Yeah. Who also knew my mutual.

Speaker 1 I mean, I got fucked there. That was bullshit.
Anyone would have thought that was Dallas Goddard. Yeah, but except for the fact that he was asking what you were doing the night before the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dallas Goddard wants to come hang out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but Shane took your phone and texted him. What's up, player? What's up, big time player? It was like sup.
It was something. It was sup.

Speaker 5 It It was sup, player, and then sup, player, player.

Speaker 1 And then he's two players. And he said, what's up with you? And you said, you wrote back cooling.

Speaker 1 It was sup, no answer, and then sup, big player.

Speaker 5 Is it exhausting hanging out with Bert? Because

Speaker 1 I feel like that dude doesn't. I think we went into your room.
Oh, I was that Super Bowl, I was like. Yeah, because he films everything.
Yeah, it was funny. Kind of like Barstool, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't like, yeah, obviously I don't like being on camera.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a lot. But he's cool with it.
Yeah. Like, Bert will be like, hey, everybody, we're doing this activity.
I'm just not. I'm not doing that.
Yeah. He'll leave me alone.

Speaker 5 That morning you were hungover, you're sleeping in, and then Bert just opened up your bedroom door just completely naked and shook your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Morning. That week was hell.
That was a long week. That was a long week.
I mean, we've day one. On Monday, you texted me and you're like, I'm going to take it easy this week.

Speaker 1 And then flash forward to like 1 a.m. and Shane and I were not taking it easy.
Yeah. And it was, yeah.
It was like, this is Monday night. And you're,

Speaker 1 I did not take it easy. Did not take it easy.
It was the opposite of taking it easy. Went as hard as you can when you're supposed to be taking it easy.
That was a mistake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a mistake. I set the tone for the week.
The rest of the week, I was trying to catch up from what I was doing. You do what we were doing Monday.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it doesn't really get easier after that.

Speaker 1 And then spending that whole week in the house with like Bert and like five other comics, just constantly like,

Speaker 1 come on, we're doing a podcast. We're filming something.
Like, I'm not doing a fucking podcast. Yeah.
There's a podcast he did.

Speaker 1 It's crazy how shitty I look. It was

Speaker 1 busting with the boys on Bert's cooking show, and I was just walking around, and they were like, Jane, get on. I was like, dude, no.

Speaker 1 I didn't talk.

Speaker 1 I didn't say a word the entire podcast. I sat, I did one with Barcelona too, where I didn't talk.
Oh, yeah, with Kevin and

Speaker 1 you can do a word count on that. Yeah.
Did not speak for like two straight hours. I do feel bad because I was banging.
I was in the fucking sun. Yeah.
Yeah. Sitting there getting sunburned.

Speaker 1 You do do a lot of podcasts. Yeah, and I don't think it's good for me.
Why? I don't want to get overexposed.

Speaker 1 You're the Taylor Swift for white men. No, dude.
Shut up.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 There's only like so many jokes that you can say or like so many hours where you can be on. Well, you have your own podcast.

Speaker 1 And I have my own podcast. And yeah.
I like this, though. This is nice.
Yeah. I was trying to make it easy.
I wanted to do this. And I know how much you were trying to make it really.

Speaker 1 I was like, dude, I'll do it. I promise I'll do it.

Speaker 5 We sent him the big guns. We had Hank get drunk with you.

Speaker 1 Hank got real drunk. Yeah, Hank's mission last night.
How was Hank doing? I don't know. He's still young enough.
Yeah, he seemed to be handling it well because when we were leaving, he was banged up.

Speaker 1 I was like, this guy's going to be. He's not going to make it tomorrow.

Speaker 5 He's on a hot streak. He lost his phone last weekend hanging out, booking guests on the podcast this week.

Speaker 1 He got last night. Did he really? Yeah, he got fucked up, but so did we.
Nate, you were terrible.

Speaker 1 You embarrassed me.

Speaker 1 I don't know what.

Speaker 1 Nate's actually, that's my friend Nate. He's a black pedophile.

Speaker 5 What's the origin of that? Because I think you said that last year.

Speaker 1 Oh, I said it in front of Jerry Rice.

Speaker 1 Jerry Rice laughed at us. You were doing it.
Yeah, you were doing a show. All Super Bowl

Speaker 1 in front of like

Speaker 1 a legend. Literally comedy nightmare show.

Speaker 1 Like at a dinner table, right? Yeah, it was this guy who he's like a, he's a very rich guy, and he was like, do you want to come to this dinner?

Speaker 1 And then it was, here's the list of the people that are going to be at the dinner, and And it was for real.

Speaker 1 It was like Dan Marino, Steve Young, Jerry Rice, Michael Vick, Ed Reed, Shannon Sharp, Tony Gonzalez, Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas. Like, it was the coolest fucking

Speaker 1 McNab.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 he was like, can you do stand-up? He's like, do you want to do stand-up? And I was like, dude, I can't.

Speaker 1 There's no stage or mic. It's literally in a steakhouse.
Right. He's like, yeah, just stand up and do.

Speaker 5 Make us laugh.

Speaker 1 And I did say no, and he was cool with it at first. And then I realized how much he wanted me to do it.
So I was like, all right, I'll do it. So I just had to stand up.

Speaker 1 And I was sitting next to Jerry Rice. So I stood up at the table, started doing stand-up, and I saw Jerry Rice like at the beginning laughing and then just look at this.

Speaker 1 Literally, this is a five-minute set, and he's already like this, standing next to me.

Speaker 1 And then I ended it. I was like, all right, whatever.
That's fucking Shannon Sharp. Don't tell Cat Williams I suck.

Speaker 1 This is my friend Nate. He's a black pedophile.
And I watched Jerry Rice go, ha ha.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 That's a good close set. It made him laugh.
Yeah. Made him laugh.
That's, that's, uh, like, he basically did the, like, oh, you do stand-up, tell me a joke. Yes.
But he was a big stand-up fan.

Speaker 1 And he's,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 He wasn't that type of guy. That's brutal.
I'm sure you get that a lot. And he let me go, though.
Like, he gave a speech at first, and then he was like, and now, and then I was sitting next to him.

Speaker 1 I was like, no, I'm not going on. Right.
And he was like, all right, that's fine. Yeah.
He was being nice.

Speaker 5 Did Lil Shane want to grow up to be a comedian or a football player?

Speaker 1 Definitely football. And then...
Or United States soldier. I wanted to be a fucking U.S.
Army soldier and protect this country.

Speaker 1 I wanted to protect quarterbacks in the country, not a big deal.

Speaker 1 But then,

Speaker 1 yeah, I would say like junior, senior year of high school, I was like,

Speaker 1 it was when old school came out. The movie Old School.
And I remember watching my dad like love it. Yeah.
I'll be like, damn, I wish I was Will Farrell. Yeah.
And that's when that kind of started.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's, I mean, Will Farrell, yeah.
I mean, we're, we're about the same age. That was, that string of movies was like even like old school wedding crashers, all those.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck, this is awesome.

Speaker 5 These guys rock.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was the best. Yeah.
I did always fuck around, yeah.

Speaker 5 I was always trying to be funny. That was like the golden age for us, at least, growing up at comedy.
It was like mid-2000s.

Speaker 5 I was talking to my buddy Big T like two days ago, and he was like, they haven't made a good comedy movie since like 2015. Or do you think that there's like not as good comedy movies coming out?

Speaker 1 No, they haven't really. Like

Speaker 1 Hangover was probably one of the last

Speaker 1 great ones. Yeah, they don't really make it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, I guess Trainwreck got a lot of.
I mean, that was pretty funny, but still.

Speaker 1 Trainwreck. The lady.

Speaker 1 The girl one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Bridge Days is funny.

Speaker 1 The lady comedy. The girl comedy.
Ghost special. Yeah.
Like, oh, yeah. Girls can be funny.
Girls are, yeah. They're very funny.
Yeah, very funny. That one, I mean, I love Melissa McCarthy.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It is crazy, Bill, because it feels like every comedy now has to be like a sad story, too. Where it's like, like, even I love that movie that Pete Davidson did, the one Staten Island

Speaker 1 stuff. Yeah, that was great, and it was funny.
Yeah, but or like, even like Silver Lining's playbook, which has funny moments.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 but it's like also very serious.

Speaker 1 So you gotta just save comedy. Yeah, bring it up.
No big deal. I'm not trying to put pressure on you, but.

Speaker 5 No, but you're gonna make movies, comedy movies set in Florida, and it's gonna bring this country back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 True. And as long as you say like a couple slurs, like you say, cracker.
Yeah, Will Compton will be like, this fucking rock. Will

Speaker 1 comedy's back dude he said cracker on him this guy said gay yeah thank you for your surface that was big dude

Speaker 1 it was a crazy run did did they say it got bitch whack off yeah gay retard

Speaker 1 some wild shit on there did they try to stop you with any of that no lauren was awesome with that that's there was one moment where in between rehearsal where i ran the monologue and i forgot all those i'd left all those out and then

Speaker 1 in between rehearsal and the actual show you have like a half hour and I was sitting with him and I was like, I didn't do everything I was going to do. And here's some of the words I'm going to say.

Speaker 1 And a lady was in the office with us and she got up to like, be like, I'll go check and see if we can say those. And he was like, don't check.
Wow.

Speaker 5 He's like, just go do it. That's cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Lauren's awesome. Did he have a moment where he's like, I fucked up?

Speaker 1 He had been like that. Yeah, he had your momentum.
From day one, he was like, I wanted you on the show. Yeah.
Yeah. That's.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, it was, we were talking in the car, like, not that it's the same because yours is very different that it happened like that but we had the similar thing with barcelon vantok where it's like get the show lose the show yeah and everyone's like congrats and everyone's like you guys suck congrats yeah that was tough the amount of like when they announced me on snl was just a million congrats dude you did it and then i didn't have time to respond to any of them so then Five hours later, whenever I started getting canceled, people were like, it's okay, dude.

Speaker 1 You're going to be okay.

Speaker 1 And then three days later, four days later, when I got fired, it was like, fuck them anyway, dude.

Speaker 1 dude fuck that job it's a lot i didn't reply to any of them so you get to see someone be like congrats s and l's amazing you're gonna be all right don't worry about it fuck s and l dude who gives a shit then i'd be like yeah dude yeah just reply to just the congrats ones be like thanks yeah after you get fired

Speaker 5 dude uh but in a way and for us at least it felt this way it might feel this way for you too uh getting fired after one show is way better than getting fired if it was like a month or two months later yeah i think so too because then you put all that work in yeah and then some people could be like oh you couldn't cut it if you were funnier, you would have made it.

Speaker 5 But the fact that it happened so quickly, it's like, okay, it's not us. It's them that are firing us.
Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and everyone spins it a different way where they're like, okay,

Speaker 1 it was powers above them that made this decision, not because they sucked. Which we probably would have sucked eventually.

Speaker 1 We did one episode and we were like, we never would have been able to sustain that. So we got lucky.

Speaker 1 The first episode almost killed us. Yeah.
Yeah. That was, you guys, I mean, McAfee's doing well.

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah he's got that that that's what's so good about it is it's just a fucking podcast well it's just fucking around yeah you know the pendulum swung all the way back

Speaker 1 it has it like it was there was a time and place where everyone was like this is the new order and like this is what you know people can't like take risks anymore and then it's come all the way back it's like what the fuck we'll see though yeah oh you think it's come back on i think i think this election is going to swing it back oh yeah it'll go back it'll go back to being

Speaker 1 yeah yeah It's going to get hot on the streets. You're probably right.
How many times have people ask you to do the Trump, like, just on the, on, like, the show? A lot. Yes.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's better than people ask me to take a picture and they'll be like, can you do Trump real quick? And it's like, no, just

Speaker 1 take a picture, man. It's nice.
Why do we have to... Why do we have to? But it's better.
The worst is like, let's take a picture. Can you do retard face?

Speaker 1 Dude, don't say it like that.

Speaker 5 Do you do Trump face? Like, could you do a Trump face in a picture?

Speaker 1 No, what he does.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that was pretty good. I saw it there for a second.

Speaker 1 You do the suck-in that's so perfect. Yeah, that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The guy they have on SNL is incredible. Yeah, it's fucking wild.
Yeah. He's really good at like

Speaker 1 talking. He can speak exactly how Trump talks.
Like, we filmed the sketch, and he just would rant and be like,

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think. We did a sketch about getting sneakers, and he's like, and they're not even giving sneakers to young men anymore.
What's happened in this country?

Speaker 1 When I was here, that wasn't the case. Like, he just goes.
It was really good. I'm not doing it properly, but whatever.

Speaker 5 No, that was good. Do you do you know Alex Jones?

Speaker 1 No. Have you ever met him? I have not.
I do know of him. Yeah.
Obviously, shit rocks, but

Speaker 5 I used to listen to him every day in my car at lunch in Austin.

Speaker 5 This is what I don't like about what Alex has kind of become now. Is like he used to be so much crazier back in the day.

Speaker 5 Like he used to be in, he used to get on the air and be like, Hillary Clinton is, she's actually a chillian. Yeah.
And she smells like sulfur because she's the devil.

Speaker 5 And so I'd listen to that on my lunch lunch break in Austin in my pickup truck. Like, every day I get up there, I get my sandwich, I turn on Alex Jones.
And now it's like,

Speaker 5 I almost want to say he's becoming like too mainstream where he's nerfing some of his takes. True, and I miss the old school, like, uncut outfits.

Speaker 1 Hey, that happens to all of us, too. I know.
In the end, that happens to all.

Speaker 5 I know, Alex Jones went woke. He did go woke.

Speaker 1 It's sad. Well, he got sued for $1 billion.
Yeah. So he's just fucked.

Speaker 5 It's also very funny to think that Alex Jones has a billion dollars.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He might net. He might get it.

Speaker 5 I would love to be sued. Somebody sues me and they're like, yeah, I think you have a billion dollars to give me.
I'll be like, thank you.

Speaker 1 And that. For $1 billion.
When he was on trial, the chili thing was like...

Speaker 1 Remember that? Where it was like he answered a question.

Speaker 5 They asked him the names or to remember something in his past. He's like, I don't know.
I had a big bowl of chili that day, and so my mind wasn't really working.

Speaker 1 But it's like, that's the truth. Yeah.
Like, if you eat a big bowl of chili, it will fuck you up.

Speaker 1 You only can tell the truth. Like,

Speaker 1 you eat a big bowl of chili. You're like, I need to lay down somewhere like i can't answer questions that's awesome

Speaker 1 anyone who's not like in tip-top shape like you eat any like eat a bowl of chili dude bowl of chili shot dude pizza i crush those palms up yeah i'm struggling and it just like sits in your belly and you're just like i don't want to do anything right now he had what was the answer he had someone was like so you think the government like covered up a pedophile ring or something he's like like Jeffrey Epstein

Speaker 5 Fair point.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that one you got us on. All right, we've got a couple last questions.
It's been awesome, Shane. We'll have you back on anytime you're in town.

Speaker 1 How tired are you?

Speaker 1 Your schedule is insane. No, it's not.
That's the thing. That's one thing that's, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just as hard as it was. It was harder when

Speaker 1 I would have to do like six shows every fucking weekend at clubs in the middle of fucking Ohio. Right.

Speaker 1 You know, or like you'd have to go to the Albany bone and it's a blizzard and you have to perform six shows. Yeah.
And it was usually it was Thursday to Sunday every fucking week. That's a lot.

Speaker 1 Now it's like it's it's easier. Yeah.
I just I mean like you guys like going every single weekend as hard as you guys do it's crazy. Yeah, that's why most comedians are sober.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not there yet. Yeah.
You're are you gonna get no

Speaker 5 dude? What if you got cleaned up and you got like jacked and became like a that would suck.

Speaker 1 I would turn on you. I would turn on you.
Just so you know. People are funny when you're.
I'm trying to hide this fucking watch, too.

Speaker 1 I don't want to change.

Speaker 1 You haven't. That's the thing, though.
And I say that, like, with respect. Like, it's crazy.
Because it is. You see people who have success and it's like, oh, they're a different person now.

Speaker 1 It's like.

Speaker 1 I don't. Yeah, I'm older, though.
Right. Like, I got it when I was this age.
Right. 35, 36 is when it started.
That does change it. If I got famous when I was like 19, like some of these people.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. Yeah.
That would make me an insane person. Little Sass is going to change.
Sass is going to be a fucking

Speaker 1 dumbass dude. He's going to OD or something.

Speaker 1 He's.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, it's true, though.
Like it's, and I think that actually helps. Like, I know for myself personally, like when people are like, what is your dream?

Speaker 1 Like retirement's like have enough money to lose it gambling. Like that's all I want to do is just watch sports and hang out.

Speaker 1 And it's like if you change, then everything else, like your show changes and your comedy changes and everything like that. For sure.

Speaker 5 It's also like when people talk about retirement, what does retirement look like for me?

Speaker 5 Like, I'm going to stop watching sports to my friends and then talking about sports right after the game's over. That's my job.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 5 Why would I want to retire for that?

Speaker 1 Same, yeah. Me too.
It's like, what do you want to do? And it's like, I like stand-up. Yeah.
I keep doing that. I'll sit and talk with my friends and it'll be a podcast.

Speaker 1 Once I get back down to small clubs and the clubs are empty,

Speaker 1 that'll still be fun. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It'll be depressing. No.
That's when it might be live from my mouth this fucking yard, honestly.

Speaker 1 But, yeah. Yeah, you got to, yeah, just do one night show only, like Madison Square Garden.
Like, it's going to be the Bud Dwyer show. Do you think that show would sell out?

Speaker 5 If you advertise, like, I will kill myself on stage tonight at the end of the show. Yes.
Yeah. I would buy tickets for that.

Speaker 1 I think people would be pissed if I didn't. It's so bad.
They boo you when you walk off stage. I promised us.
They call you out for an encore.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 If that was a, yeah, might string up a noose for that. That'd be fucking sick.
Hang yourself in Madison Square Garden for the rest of the sting coming down.

Speaker 5 Just keep your body up there next to the Billy Joel banner.

Speaker 1 Shane Goeskill, don't forget me.

Speaker 1 All right.

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Speaker 1 All right, give me the Notre Dame what do you think this year record?

Speaker 1 How many games are you going to go? So there's a knock on Notre Dame every year that they have a week schedule. Yeah.
They never do. No, they never do.
Always top fucking 15 at least.

Speaker 1 They do, like every five years.

Speaker 1 They get like a down USC, a down like, you know,

Speaker 1 Stanford. This year the schedule is weak.
Oh, you get ahead of it. it on paper look at this okay so so it's a m week one

Speaker 1 i'll be there where's that that's in it's in college station oh fine that'll be fun

Speaker 5 uh northern illinois win

Speaker 1 at purdue uh purdue always they're good for one of those weird games yeah purdue's sneaky

Speaker 1 i don't know i don't know if writing off a m at the beginning is a win that's a tough yeah that's a tough new coach yeah the notre dame the the classic notre dame loss is usually at home to like a team that they should like they lose to like georgia tech or yeah navy or remember when they lost like UConn?

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, those weird ones that sneak up on you. For sure.

Speaker 5 A Florida State and South Bend, that's going to be a good game. That'll be fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think, I mean, they'll be good this year in the playoffs. Team's good.
The schedule is easy. Wait, who's your quarterback? They got that kid from Duke, Riley Lambert.
Oh, he's good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's good. He's very good.
He can run. They got better wideouts this year.
The O-line took a, they lost a lot. Yeah.
But that's, Notre Dame feels like at least

Speaker 1 the past 10 years, they've been like an O-line factory. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So wait, how many games are you going to go to?

Speaker 1 I'm going to definitely go to A ⁇ M. I'm going to try to go to Florida State.
I'll probably get to two or three. I love it.
I love that Riley Leonard.

Speaker 5 He's going from Duke to Notre Dame. He's just trying to make everybody hate him.
I respect that. I respect that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That is a very. But you see the schedule.
They're probably

Speaker 1 11-1. Yeah.
And then get fucking smoked in the playoffs against somebody. Yeah, that, how bad.

Speaker 1 I have a buddy who's like a die-hard Notre Dame fan, and he was, I remember getting live updates from the national title game against Bama, and it just like went dark after like the second quarter.

Speaker 1 It was just like, whoo. I mean, that was over.
That was over quick. Yeah.
Oh, so 2026, we're playing Atlambo. I'm going to go.
Hell yeah. The first week of the season.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's going to be awesome. Actually, me and Soda, this is something we could do.

Speaker 1 Me and Soda were talking about when NCAA comes out, getting a house, getting a bunch of dudes, and getting a dynasty going. Just doing like a full weekend dynasty.
Yeah, I'm in. You're in?

Speaker 1 Yeah, fuck you. That'd be fun.

Speaker 1 Dude, although, how, let me ask you this, because I, the, when I did my like whole Twitch thing during COVID, I saw, I was always like a good like nine, ten wins, and then I realized just running the ball like wins championships.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's annoying to play against. No, dude, that's how we're okay.
All right, so you don't like like in like kneeling, I'm kneeling. Okay, all right, good.

Speaker 1 Because that always, that's like a touchy subject with like, you know, online playing. Like, do you want to play for fun or do you want to play? Yeah, we're playing to win.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because then it's like I run the ball like 35 times. Yeah, we're going to manage the clock.
And I run this, I spam the same

Speaker 1 punt.

Speaker 1 It's like basically the same run up the middle and then like a slant that's unguardable. Yeah.
And they just do that over and over. Yeah, you can find glitch plays like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Notre Dame's playing Army next year, too. House dividing game.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 5 Are you going to like change jerseys at halftime?

Speaker 1 That would rock if Big Phil wore like a Gillis Army jersey.

Speaker 1 My dad still wears army gear. Yeah.
He's still prep.

Speaker 1 He loves West Point.

Speaker 1 He just loves West Point. He hates, he's ashamed of me.

Speaker 1 He's like, you could never be a cadet.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, Shane, thank you.

Speaker 1 Everyone, I mean, you have a tour. Where's your...
You're sold out. Yeah.
But everyone watched Tires when it comes out on Netflix. Tires is coming out in May.
Yeah, and he's going to be every year.

Speaker 1 I'm proud of that. I will say I went and saw him last night.

Speaker 5 If Shane's in your city, you have to go see him.

Speaker 1 Like, it is, it's so fun. He was at the late show for the record.
There's a bunch of people that were at the early show going, yeah, that sucked.

Speaker 1 No, but dude, and we were saying, I was saying in the car, like, the fact that you went from an incredible, special, beautiful dog that's on Netflix to almost instantly, you have a whole new hour.

Speaker 1 It's like, how the fuck? I'm trying.

Speaker 5 Yeah, do people travel around and like see you at different shows like your dead?

Speaker 1 For sure.

Speaker 5 And are they, like, expecting new jokes at every stop?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but that'd be be so funny. No, they seem happy to do it.
Yeah,

Speaker 5 to me, it would never occur to me to follow a comedian around.

Speaker 1 I think this second show would be like, oh, fuck, he's doing the same act. Yeah.
I'm not going to go see this. Right.
I guess I know where this joke is going.

Speaker 5 They probably just make friends with people they know their type. And it's like, I like Shane Gillis fans, so I'm just going to travel around and hang out with the broken figures.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck likes them, dude? It's a rowdy group. It is fun.
It is a fun group. Yeah, we got that in Arizona when we were playing.

Speaker 1 Shane and I were playing shuffleboard on the same side of the table, and a guy comes up, and I was like, I'm going to have to take a picture. And Shane's like, no, no, that's one of my mutants.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 I'm going to go back to the moment. And like two minutes later, the guy comes up.
He's like, hey, Shane.

Speaker 1 They're not all mutants now. That was back then.
They were mutants. That was original.

Speaker 1 Those are the original podcast mutants. You can see them coming.
You're like, oh, yeah, you can see those guys.

Speaker 1 They just look like me.

Speaker 1 I can see me walking over, like, oh.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, that's me.

Speaker 5 You walk into a room before they even see you, you're like, that guy's going to say hi. 100%.

Speaker 1 A little bit, yeah. Yeah.
If they look like me,

Speaker 1 that guy's excited about it.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, thank you, Shane.
No, thank you, guys. Appreciate it, man.
You're the best. And, yeah, whenever you're back in Chicago, or maybe we'll come down to Austin.
Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll do it again. Maybe we get on Matt and Shane.
Maybe the Dynasty House. Yeah, come down and do Matt and Shane's.
Yeah. Where's the Dynasty? Whenever you want.
Assassin Roan have done it.

Speaker 1 Oh, have you had Frank the Tank on yet? No.

Speaker 1 Bring Frank.

Speaker 1 We got it. Come down to Austin and bring Frank.
Frank on Matt and Shane's secret podcast would be

Speaker 1 incredible. I would love to see Matt and him.

Speaker 1 They would get along. That would be perfect.

Speaker 1 Matt's so fucking funny. Matt's incredible.
Yeah, go see Matt, by the way. That's another thing.
Matt's stand-up is. He's actually going to be in Schaumburg for a couple weeks.
Yeah. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, Frank and you guys. All right.

Speaker 1 I don't even want to be on it. I just want to watch it.
Please. Like a live watch of Frank.
Please bring us, Frank. And then just let you guys keep going.
Like, we're not even recording anymore.

Speaker 1 Please. It's just it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I remember the first time you met Frank and I I was, you were like, you were like, awesome. Because I'd seen him on, obviously online, and I didn't think, I didn't know it was as real.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think it was, I just walked by him, and I was like, yeah, the Mets suck.

Speaker 1 Instantly, he was like,

Speaker 1 I felt terrible. I was like, my bad, dude.
No,

Speaker 5 that's the thing with Frank is like, sometimes it's a little bit quiet in the New York office, and you want to mix things up a little bit.

Speaker 5 So you just be like, hey, what happened to the Devils game last night? You got to rattle his game. And then you keep walking, and then you let everybody else around him deal with the fallout.

Speaker 1 But he appreciates it. Sass's setup was my favorite.
Lil Sass was between him and another unit, dude. There's a big guy.
Was it Doug? Doug's, yeah. Sass, and Lil Sass's desk was between them.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He said

Speaker 1 they were ordering more Grubhub while eating grubhub.

Speaker 1 Sass just sat between two giant dudes that just munched all day. Oh, Frank is the best.
Yeah, he's the best. All right.
Well, thank you, Shane. Thank you, guys.

Speaker 1 We drove 1,700 miles of old Highway 61, the whole country top to bottom, just to prove one thing. Comfort food can make anywhere home.

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Bison meatloaf, chicken enchiladas, turkey lasagna.

Speaker 1 The kind of meals that taste like Saturday night, even on a Tuesday. Crave New World.
Find it in Kroger Isles this October. The road trip might be over, but dinner's just getting good.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's wrap up with Matt Online. Hank.

Speaker 1 College football playoffs should be played on Saturday and the Monday after Super Bowl and should be a national holiday. Wait, Monday after Super Bowl?

Speaker 1 Saturday before Super Bowl and Monday after Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 That'd be the longest season ever. Very long break.

Speaker 1 Wood kind of rule, though. You get...
players in the transfer port portal playing on the team then yeah yeah you get some new

Speaker 1 roster guys.

Speaker 5 If you do that, you should do the semifinals, it should be like one per week. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't agree with this. I do not agree with this.
That is, does the person realize we already moved the Super Bowl back?

Speaker 1 Let's just focus on trying to get the Super Bowl to President's Day weekend so we get a Monday after that. And also, we can get the Super Bowl to the end of February.

Speaker 1 And when you finish the Super Bowl, you're like, oh, it's spring.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that'd be nice.

Speaker 5 That's all we got to focus on. That's too much of a break because you already have a massive break in December for college football.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then doing it, obviously, bowl season, but for the teams that are in the playoff.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Big Ten Ocho says the NIL should be capped. They can have different rates for five stars, four stars, et cetera.
And then bonuses for Heisman, all conference, et cetera.

Speaker 1 Then players can sign unlimited endorsement deals so the best players, Menzel, Caitlin Clark, can still make more money off their popularity. Wait, is this Matt Online or pardon your take?

Speaker 1 I feel like these sounds like parts.

Speaker 5 Yeah, pardon your take. Matt Online.

Speaker 1 Wait,

Speaker 5 how are they saying the most popular players can get more money?

Speaker 1 They can sign unlimited endorsement deals, which I don't understand.

Speaker 5 So that sounds like NIL is unlimited.

Speaker 1 Not capped. Yeah, that's not capped.
I do think that college sports should get to a point where it's an actual salary cap. That would be cool.

Speaker 5 I think, well, I tend to agree with Jay Billis' take that it should just be multi-year contracts for players. Because the big thing is if you get one year of a player, then they leave, that stinks.

Speaker 5 I think it's bad for the sport overall and it's bad for ratings. Yeah, the transfer portal.

Speaker 1 I don't like, I know they're like chicken and egg, but the transfer portal bothers me. The NIL never has bothered me.
Yeah, players should get paid.

Speaker 1 But it's obviously because the NIL causes the transfer portal.

Speaker 5 Yeah, they should get paid whatever the market tells them they should get paid. They're adults.
They're working. They should get money for it.

Speaker 5 But also, in the interest of the good of the sport, doing multi-year contracts would keep players around.

Speaker 5 And then obviously the fan base would grow accustomed to these players. It'd be good for ratings, good for ticket revenue, good for future players going to the schools too.

Speaker 1 Dolph says a mad online take for someone getting older. Why do these sports leagues cater so much to the West Coast with game times after 9 p.m.?

Speaker 1 75% of the population has to either be either East Coast or Midwest. Why does it matter if a game starts at 4 p.m.
West Coast? Mad Online. Wait, what games start at 9 p.m.?

Speaker 1 NBA games. But those are MLB games.

Speaker 5 I think they're talking about like the college games on Thursday and Friday this week.

Speaker 1 Oh, but that's super late. But that's starting late because it's back-to-back games at the same location.

Speaker 5 No, it's starting later on just to screw Danny Hurley for some reason.

Speaker 1 Got it. Yeah, that is true.

Speaker 1 I'm,

Speaker 1 yeah, I mean, I do agree in principle that, like, Monday night football, when we lived in New York, like, starting at 8:15 sucks.

Speaker 1 And I do also agree in principle that, like, if you live in California, suck it up because you live in California because you get to tell everyone you don't have winter and you live by the beach.

Speaker 1 So you don't also get sports times. But other than, like, moving Monday night football and Sunday night football up a half hour, I don't really know.
There's not a lot that you can do.

Speaker 1 There's not anything that's glaringly like, man, this is starting way too late.

Speaker 5 No, and also you can be, you know, if it's starting late, you can just say, well, I'm a real sports fan. I'm going to stay up and watch it.

Speaker 1 The thing that they should focus on instead of the start time is just getting the start time correct. I agree.

Speaker 1 That's the thing we need to put all our effort in. When you say a game's going to start at 8 o'clock, start it at 8 o'clock.
Don't start it at 8.20.

Speaker 5 It's always, what do they use, like 8.07? Yeah.

Speaker 1 When they get down to the minute, the one, it's the one thing that I will say positive about the sport of soccer is they do a very good job of starting exactly when they're going to start, and you know that you only have two hours you have to watch it.

Speaker 5 Well, unless there's added time, added time, and it's usually never and then PKs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, well, I'm talking about regular season. Like, no English Premier League game is going to go more than like two and a half hours at most.

Speaker 5 Yeah, they got that right. And honestly, I like waking up and watching EPL on TV.
Yeah. I feel like I'm in California.

Speaker 1 And you know the time is going to start. You know exactly when it's going to start.

Speaker 5 It would be funny if EPL started to adjust their start times for American audiences, though. Yeah.
They should do that, actually. Well, they kind of do.

Speaker 1 They've added the afternoon games or kind of like that.

Speaker 5 There should be a midnight game just for us Americans. We won the Revolutionary War.
We should get your soccer.

Speaker 1 All right, last one. K Nasty is mad online about Masters TV coverage.

Speaker 1 This is a good one. Best golf tournament of the year, and we cannot watch all of it live in 2024.
It's a joke. Put it all on TV or online.
I don't care, but I want to watch it Thursday morning.

Speaker 1 Also, Keegan Bradley plus 10,000. Okay, so he said that or you did? He said that.

Speaker 5 Yeah, just a public service reminder. Re-download the Masters app.

Speaker 1 The Masters app is beautiful, but it doesn't have every... Yeah, it's got like featured holes and featured groups.
I completely agree with this take. It's absolutely insane, but it also is.

Speaker 1 It's gotten better, though. It has gotten better, but Augusta just loves being able to flex and be like, we get to do whatever the fuck we want.
It actually pisses me off.

Speaker 1 Thursday and Friday, it is what it is because, like, during work, and I want to check in here and there.

Speaker 1 It pisses me off on Saturday and Sunday when you can't watch any live coverage on TV until like 2 o'clock.

Speaker 5 Why is there no way for every major PGA tournament to watch every player at every hole?

Speaker 1 It's crazy. Like, on an app.
A lot of coverage.

Speaker 5 No, we've got the technology for it, Hank. Cameras.

Speaker 1 We're going to do that for mini golf. Yeah.
You won't miss a player. Right, Hank? Yeah, well, that's 36 people, not 150.

Speaker 5 One good way to shut up anyone that would be upset about the Live-PGA merger would be to just have Saudi Arabia buy infinity cameras. This is what Liv's bringing to the table.

Speaker 5 We're buying, let's say, 20,000 cameras, so we'll have every hole covered, and then we'll build an app where you can just click on each individual golfer and get to see every shot they take.

Speaker 1 Here's an idea, because the PGA needs money. Why doesn't every player have their own personal app? And you have to download that player's app, and you you can watch everything they do forever.

Speaker 1 And then it also would add the added bonus of being like, oh, this guy has literally no one watching him. Yeah, you get to, or what if every hole has its own app?

Speaker 5 That would work too.

Speaker 1 Every hole in America. Yeah, every hole.

Speaker 5 I like that. Which hole would you download first?

Speaker 1 Probably the Amon's Corner, whatever the fuck it's called. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah, or 16. 16.

Speaker 5 16 at Augusta Week.

Speaker 6 With Vern Lundquist, just there forever.

Speaker 5 I downloaded 17 at Sawgrass first. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 I got it too. I shouted two.
That's right, Max. Thanks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Masters coverage though sucks. It does piss me off very much every year.
I just want to be able to wake up on Saturday and Sunday and put it on my TV. That's all I want.

Speaker 1 And I think maybe does Golf Channel maybe have some stuff? But it's just... ESPN Plus.
You just fight it, and then you, and then you...

Speaker 1 And then you see it, and you're like, you got your TV on CBS, and now you're just watching Jim Nance interview Arnie Palmer for the 7,000th time.

Speaker 6 Just give it to us. Yeah, shout out PGA Tour Live.
When we go live, the main feed starts at 6 a.m. and they bounce around for all those tournaments.

Speaker 5 I think maybe big trackers behind this.

Speaker 5 All the online golf trackers, they don't want you to see every hole because then you have to follow the Max Homa tracker, the Brooks Kepka tracker.

Speaker 5 Who's the other guy? Siwu Kim.

Speaker 1 Siwu Kim tracker. Yeah.
Siwu tracker, yeah. That was, wait, no, who was, oh, Tony Finau was our friend Kobe.
He would do that. He would become Tony Finau tracker on the weekends.

Speaker 1 The tracker world. I would love, we should actually have some of these trackers show up and just interview them.

Speaker 5 I would like to do that with trackers, and I would like to do that with all the aggregator accounts in the NFL. Just get them in a room together.
It's probably just Dove.

Speaker 1 At one point, the See Woo Kim tracker just started bashing me from the tracker account. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was like, what the hell is going on here?

Speaker 1 I've been supporting you for years.

Speaker 5 He's like, I just hate Philly Sports.

Speaker 1 Remember, I love that. I got into it with the Brooks tracker.
We had a jinx-off about Brooks. Who do you think is...

Speaker 1 It was like right before the Masters on Saturday, and we just were fucking in the gutter war about jinxing. I would love to.

Speaker 5 Who do you think is the golfer that has the least amount of followers on their tracker?

Speaker 1 I don't know. There's probably a rookie who's a couple of followers.

Speaker 6 There's a lot of one just started.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Thagala?

Speaker 5 No, that guy's definitely got a tracker. He's got a tracker for sure.

Speaker 1 That's just Buttman. Pluttman's Thagala.
He's just all up in Thagala's shit. Yeah, we should get some trackers.

Speaker 6 Rookie, Jake Knapp, he just won a tournament. He has seven followers.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He's a tracker. Okay, let's get in early.
A Knapp Tracker. He's great.

Speaker 6 He used to be a nightclub bouncer, and he won a few weeks ago. He was in our feature group for our Barcelona Corn Fairy event, but Jake Knapp Tracker has seven followers.

Speaker 1 Get in on it. Yeah.
Yeah, and then the trackers, like when a tracker takes a day off of a tournament, that's illegal. You should be

Speaker 1 banned from tracking. There was one tracker who was like, I'm going to play 18 this morning, so I won't be able to track.
Shut the fuck up. That's your only job.
You track. Wait, this dude.

Speaker 1 That's what you do. You track.

Speaker 5 This dude, Jake Knapp, was a nightclub bouncer. Yeah.
He looks kind of skinny to be a nightclub bouncer, huh?

Speaker 1 Well, he's Jake. Audio.

Speaker 5 He's got a great swing.

Speaker 6 Yeah, he's awesome. He can.

Speaker 1 You think he had a golf club when he was bouncing? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just fucking smash people. All right.

Speaker 1 Good show. Thanks again to Shane Gillis.
Numbers: 40, 8, 20, 77, 3. 18, 18.

Speaker 1 Where's Pug Ben?

Speaker 1 At the vet again?

Speaker 1 He really is at the vet again? Yeah. This fucking guy.

Speaker 5 65.

Speaker 1 65?

Speaker 5 55 or 65. 65.

Speaker 1 65.

Speaker 5 Love you guys. All for the ground.

Speaker 5 Bitches love the ground.

Speaker 5 I'm talking away.

Speaker 5 I don't know what

Speaker 5 to say. I'd say it anyway.

Speaker 5 Today's a moment

Speaker 5 to find you. Shy it away.

Speaker 5 I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 5 Take

Speaker 5 you.

Speaker 5 Take

Speaker 5 me

Speaker 5 on me all

Speaker 5 here,

Speaker 5 take on me

Speaker 5 Suddenly

Speaker 5 let's just say

Speaker 5 I hope it is

Speaker 5 about me Stumbling away

Speaker 5 Slowly learning that life is okay

Speaker 5 Say after me

Speaker 1 It's no better to be safe than sorry

Speaker 1 All the things that you say,

Speaker 1 though, were just to pay my worries away.

Speaker 1 You're all things I've got to remember. You're shy and I wait.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 Take on me. Take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 up.

Speaker 1 Take on me.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 Take on me. take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 up,

Speaker 1 take on me.

Speaker 1 Take on me, take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 up,

Speaker 1 take on me

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 take on me, take

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 take on me.