Stavros Halkias, 1 Question With Jayden Daniels, Tommy Devito Is Sweeping The Nation + Guys On Chicks

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have an awesome show for everyone.

We have our good friend Stavvy, babe Stavros Halkius in studio,

talking about his new special, talking about the NFL, talking about everything.

Flacco.

Flacco, great, great interview with Stav talking about everything. Flacco.
Flacco.

Great, great interview with Stav.

We also have one question with a quarterback,

the quarterback that just won the Heisman Trophy, Jaden Daniels.

So shout out our guy Jaden Daniels.

We're going to talk Monday night football, Giants, Titans,

Shohei, Hot Seat, Cool Throne, guys on chicks.

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Okay, let's go. Now in the street there is violence And then there's lots of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's part of my take.
It's in about Barstool Sports. Welcome to part of my take.
Today is Wednesday, December 13th. And Tommy DeVito has taken the world by storm.
Hey. Hey, Paisan.
Hey, him and his agent who was straight out of central casting with the hat, his dad kissing everyone, the Giants beat the Packers. What a night.
He's the second quarterback, I think, who went undrafted to win three games in his rookie season. And three in a row.
And three in a row. And's wild he's he's playing really good he's playing he's fun he's that's the thing is like he's actually a very entertaining quarterback to watch he's a very fun quarterback to watch um our our friend kevin clark's put it perfectly i saw last night when when tommy devito mania was happening and we will talk about the other game he said every other sport is absolutely desperate to generate stars and the nfl is like the giants have an italian guy and it's a national story he's well that's it perfect place for him yeah they're like how can we get mike trout more visible to the nation's like or the nfl is just like hey this guy likes cutlets and his dad kisses people he's taking the world by storm it's like the what if michael vick was white what What if Mike Trout was Italian? Yeah.
He would be a megastar. Can you imagine? With the Tommy DeVito thing, if you took this script to Hollywood, Big Cat, what would they say? They would throw you out.
They'd say Bing Kingsley passed, but we saw Lindsay Lohan. What a piece of ass.
Yeah. It also is perfect because stereotypes usually are frowned upon in 2023.
three are the one people that you can stereotype, and it's somehow fun and funny. That's true.
Max, I'm an Italian father. I'm a proud Italian father.
My children are all Italian. What are you saying? I can't say it? No, you can say whatever you want.
You're an Italian father. Yeah.
I'm not in the family, but I'm like a consigliere for them. I'm Tom Hagen here.
You can do Polish too. Polish, yeah, but Polish still play.
Polish get a little upset. Well, they're maybe not smart enough to get upset.
Yeah, they don't get the jokes. Yeah, right.
But Italians, for some reason, it's just like you can always just have fun with Italians because it's this weird blend of kind of making jokes, but it's also just the pride. Italians are like, yeah, we're prideful people.
We eat cutlets. We throw touchdowns.

Sunday dinner.

Sunday dinner.

We kiss our dudes.

I also think it's that, like, Italians are also probably the most like that towards every other culture.

Correct.

So it's like, okay, they'll take it back.

It's also true.

Right?

It's also true.

Italians, they make jokes.

They bust balls.

We're just busting balls.

Yeah, we're having fun with the guys.

As a 1% Sicilian, I give people permission to make fun of Tommy DeVito. A little Sunday gravy and bust some balls.
It feels good. But it's in a good way.
It's in a loving way. Like Tommy DeVito has given us a gift this year.
Yes. He has made the New York Giants entertaining in a year where they have no business being entertaining and you're rooting for him.
Dayball told him before that final drive, just go out there and rip that son of a bitch. I love it.
I love it. It's a great story.
It's perfect that it's happening in New York. And it's also Brian Dayball deserves a lot of credit because he, I don't think he was ever going to get fired, but there was a world where the Giants season was trending in such a disastrous way that the question was being asked like, this is a joke.
They went to the playoffs last year. Are they going to end up with two wins? Are they going to look this non-competitive in games? What he's done with Tommy DeVito, I mean, Daniel Jones.
It would be a real shame if Daniel Jones slipped and fell, ended up in the marshes. That's all I'm saying.
That's all I'm saying. Tommy DeVito around the holidays, you know how they always get the local quarterback to hand out turkeys and shit out of the back of a semi truck? What if he was just handing out VCRs, televisions out of the back of a truck and come by, swing by the parking lot outside the mall? Yeah.
Well, the family handed out cutlets at their family's house gate. Yeah.
It was a whole thing. And their family is so funny.
I'm going to say it's not zero percent chance that someone puts a horse head in Daniel Jones' bed. Could happen.
It's not zero. It's not.
It definitely is not zero. I think it's like maybe 1%, but it's not zero.
Yeah. I think he'd rather be.
Or send him like a fish in the mail. Like he'd rather the team lose every game.
Yeah. I mean, Tommy DeVito is like.
Worst case scenario. Yeah.
And he's captured the hearts and minds of the entire tri-state area. And he's also.
Any Italian. He's their hero.
Daniel Jones just had a more ethnic-sounding name. Yeah.
I don't think that there would be this much uproar over Tommy DeVito because it's like we got our guy coming back. But now you got a guy named Daniel Jones that looks like – Went to Duke.
Yeah, it's like Ellis Island versus the Mayflower. Yeah, he looks like a white-collar criminal.
Yeah. Right? As opposed to the guys that take from those guys.
Yeah, right. Tommy DeVito is Robin Hood in this situation.
Yeah, Daniel Jones should just be like, can I be your lawyer, Tommy DeVito? Yeah. Like, that's my future.
But, yeah, it was a very fun game. The Giants, it was also just this whole weekend in football was such a good reminder that even at the end of the season, teams are still trying.
Tanking doesn't really exist unless you're the Carolina Panthers because the Packers

went from Sunday night, Chiefs, huge win.

Oh my God, look how good they are.

I was saying it to a complete like fall on their face.

Jordan Love did not look good.

Their defense did not get a sack on Tommy DeVito, I believe, which the Giants offensive

line is like, I mean, Justin Pugh was on the couch a month ago and they didn't get a sack. And now the Packers are looking like, oh, shit, maybe we read the press clippings a little bit.
Maybe we got a little ahead of ourselves. Yeah.
Yeah. Last night was also like a stroke of genius from Roger Goodell that he's going to think that he did a great job because we had two Mondayay night football games which absolutely snuck up on america yep we're like wait why are we doing these two games at the exact same time this week that doesn't make any sense and they were awesome games the endings to these games were incredible both could have been fine on their own they would have been fine on their own so people are going to be talking all week about what a great monday night we had and goodell is going to be like yep i did it again now we're going to do two monday night football games every week i'm fine with that's the future the future i'm calling it in the future it might not be next year might not be the year after goodell is going to want to try to get two monday night football games and it's i don't know if it's a good idea in fact i think it might not be a great idea but the fact that these two games were so good yeah it's going to make him think like this was the best idea of all time i would i would be in favor of it if they did a little bit of a staggered staggered even an hour yes even an hour because then just gives us an extra hour of football to end the weekend and let's be honest even if it was just back-to-back games i would watch that oh yeah give me five more hours yeah if one ends at one in the morning fine easy i'll stay up i moved an hour west just for this exact scenario.
Yes. That was a Sergio Dipp game.
Yes. A late Monday night game.
That was 9-11. Yeah.
Sean McDermott tried to warn us about Sergio Dipp. He did.
The Packers are still in the playoffs as of right now, but that was definitely like they could have seized everything with the fact that the Lions lost and the Seahawks keep losing. They could have put themselves in a really nice spot, and now they're like, now they've got to win.
It's hard to win out, and they don't have to win out, but they can't drop two more now. It's a big week for the Bears, too.
I mean, the Bears might. Bears in the hunt.
I've thought about it. It's one game at a time.
They have to beat thes if they don't beat the browns and it's just like this is all this is all but if they beat the browns then i'm going to start thinking about playoffs that's smart i it has to you have to get through that hurdle and the browns are really good to get to a point where i can start realistically like i'm having fun with the in the hunt i'm not actually thinking playoffs right now they have to beat the browns to think play in the hunt though you are in the perfect scenario where you can root for being in the hunt. Like we were talking about the other week with in the hunt being such a powerful narcotic if you're a fan of one of those teams because it gives you the illusion that you're good when you're actually just wasting your time and you get a worse pick.
But with the Panthers being such dog shit, you can enjoy all the fruits of being in the hunt. You get them both.
And you get both. It's the best of both worlds.
Credit to Matt LaF lafleur by the way um he did kick a field goal down eight it was fourth and 10 though yeah that was smart but he also uh it was it felt like they were gonna not kick a field goal when they were down five which i was nervous that he might try to kick another field goal yeah he was gonna three him to death and then tommy devito just going down the field like that the packers defense completely like jordan love didn't play good but the Packers defense not getting a sack and also letting Tommy DeVito go down the field like that. I'm so glad that it happened too because if it weren't for the Giants – I wish I was Italian so I'd get mad at you for how you're talking down about Tommy DeVito.
I'm not. I'm talking down about Tommy DeVito.
I said Tommy DeVito – it was a legacy drive. Tommy DeVito is one of the most fun stories in the NFL.
We should let Tommy DeVito drive it down like that. Yeah, the Packers defense should be better than that.
No, I know. I'm not Italian, so I'm not upset.
Yeah. I'm sorry we're over here making inarticulate Italian noises, but we're just rooting for the guy because he's a fun story, Hank.
He's very fun. Are you saying that I should be upset? No.
Hey, Max always makes inarticulate Italian noises. You got two dates with Tommy DeVito.
Yeah. You a little bit worried about that? I would like them to lose next week.
And the Eagles, you would admit. You want the Eagles to lose next week? No, I would like the Giants to lose next week before replay.
You admit the Eagles are frauds? No. The computer said no.
Are the Eagles frauds? Are the Eagles frauds? No. Why are you asking me this? No, the Eagles are not frauds.

Are the Eagles frauds?

Why are you asking me the same question?

Wait.

I can't.

You cut out for a second.

Are the Eagles frauds?

Yes!

You guys set this whole thing up.

You solely told me he was doing this.

Wait.

Wait.

No, there's a correct in there, I think, too. Wait, Max, I thought

that you said that the Eagles were good.

They are good.

Wait, Max, I thought you said

that the Eagles were good.

This is the worst soundboard. Correct.

Yeah, he is.

No, man, he was just supposed to

play the wrong

one. Yeah.
Wait, Max, I thought you said that the Eagles were good. Wrong.
Wrong. This is fake.
This is AI. Yeah.
Memes might be the worst soundboard operator of all time. He's looking at it like he's an 80-year-old guy trying to type an email.
I really do think that's one thing the studio needs.

I know SVP has it.

It's the board that's right here that me and Big Cat can just press to get whatever sound effect we want.

Yeah, buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.

Yeah, buh-buh-buh-buh.

Great one.

You guys just did this whole elaborate plan to try and sneak this behind me, and I knew it was going on the entire time.

No, no, there really wasn't an elaborate plan.

We don't execute plans well.

It was like, hey, let's make a soundboard. Solely try to make a soundboard.
Memes can't operate a computer. Give us one.
Just give us a random one. Your favorite one.
This could be such a bad night for me, and you guys just want it to be so much worse. All right, so we got the max soundboard now.
I also want to put Hank's yawn on the soundboard. Yes.

Just play it as loud as possible.

The other game.

You hate our listeners.

The other game. No, I love our listeners.

Playing my yawns for the listeners is, you hate them.

I've gone so far into my hatred of your yawns that I love them now.

We did it one time.

Remember on the podcast?

I yawned.

I was like, you're a liar.

Let it out.

And everyone was disgusted.

Yeah.

It is angry.

It is disgusting. Oh, last thing.
Tommy DeVito's agent. We're going to have to get him on the show.
Stiletto. Yeah.
And I think Eli might have called him slimy, and then he went on New York radio today and was very upset about it. I like that he's playing into it, though.
He's a smart guy. If you have lightning in a bottle like this, you have to lean into everything.
Lean into the discussion that's already happening and gas your guy up he got dressed up last night specifically because he knew it was going to create a stir on that field with the phone that's a good agent everything that's a great agent right there he looks great it was yeah it was very very fun game tommy devito hero italian american hero he has surpassed when we said when he first came in and you know what it was a month ago and he didn't look good and we're like someday he's going to be able to you know coach gym class and have that jersey behind him. Now I think he's like we're talking dealer like car dealership.
We're talking paid appearances. Use car.
Use car dealership paid appearances. We're talking cameo millionaire like he's top of all that, he might just be in the

NFL for a long time. He's going to be in some movies too.
Yeah. Tommy DeVito.
What a story.

So yeah, the other game, the Dolphins, what a collapse. So first of all, credit to Will Levis.

He looked awesome. He drove.
So the game with Will Levis, they were down two touchdowns with

434 left. I think we all thought that that was it.
The Titans kind of fell apart there with

I'll see you next time. He drove – so the game with Will Levis, they were down two touchdowns.
It was 434 left. I think we all thought that that was it.
The Titans kind of fell apart there with all the fumbles and muffed punts and everything. And then he drives them down in two consecutive drives for touchdowns.
Mike Vrabel, analytics guy, going for two. But the Dolphins, I know they have injuries.
A lot of offensive line injuries. Tyree Kill getting injured.
That was really bad for the Dolphins it was a bad bad ending it was in in their offense I I was getting into a little bit with Dolphins fans last night because they are very sensitive about two which I understand I do consider myself part of two and on saying Tyree kills the MVP does not diminish two I think two is very good quarterback when Tyree kill is on the field he doesn't have to catch the ball, what he's able to do to bend the defense. Like, when he came back that first time, I don't know if he caught a ball in that first drive, but everyone was open because everyone's got to worry about where he is on the field.
The fastest kid alive. And everything else just becomes easier.
So he looked to me like he's the most important player on the Dolphins and he probably should be considered MVP. Well, sports writers are dumb.
They're very dumb people. Like, they see a big round number, like 2,000, and they will vote for him for the MVP if he gets 2,000 yards.
But they're dumb, right? Like, if he gets 1,965 yards, probably not going to be MVP. But when they see that number two, they're going to be like, wow, never been done before.
Tyreek Hill MVP. Yes.
But yeah, when you saw him go out last night, it definitely affects the entire offense. It affects their big play capability.
Like even Waddle couldn't get big plays with Tyreek Hill out of the game because he creates so much space for Waddle to run through. Alec Ingold had a great hurdle though.
He did. But we've talked to that he's a listener of the show he's on the low man committee alec you god gave you the ability to get low on people for a reason you don't need to be jumping over yes yes look at me move from the fullback the um i do like to i think he's a very good quarterback i also think that he might lead the league in hospital passes yep he had a few last night i mean the jalen waddle one like the first pass of the game first pass the game he had another one i think to a chain where the ball just stayed in the air for so long that the the uh linebacker almost got there before the ball got there it's because of how their offense is set up where they've got so many crossers crossers yeah and two it throws the ball before they even make the breaks i know if you have one defender that makes an early cut on something even if it's like a blown coverage that accidentally works out well for the defense you're going to get some dude just going head to head against your receiver across the middle yeah and that was a real that was a really bad loss for the for the titans they uh or sorry for the line dolphins they uh now i don't the bills are are suddenly alive in the afc East because there's now the Dolphins are two games ahead and they have to play the Jets, the Cowboys the Ravens and the Bills now you'd think they beat the Jets but who knows because the Jets have been you know they had a good game and their defense they their defense, they have Zach Wilson's spark.

But let's just say if they beat the Jets and then lost to the Cowboys and Ravens and the Bills ran the table, week 18 would be for the AFC East.

It would be amazing.

And the Bills have the Cowboys this week, which is going to be very tough,

but then they get the Chargers without Justin Herbert and the Patriots at home.

So, yeah, it happened just like that.

Spoiler.

It happened just like that where it's like, wait on a second are the bills alive yeah i hope you win that game spoiler uh you got a couple spoilers coming up i hope chiefs i hope hank just spoils everybody i want the patriots to win a bunch of games down the stretch spoil the shit out of everyone yeah just win everything down the stretch hank it was a it was a crazy weekend though because it was basically so nice of you PFT you're usually never that no I'm optimistic about the page I am I think that it's a great franchise I hope that you know Bill Belichick one of the best coaches I think Bill still has a realistic opportunity to stick around in New England after the season that's if he can put a few wins together at the end here I'm rooting for greatness Hank that's a great organization I want you guys to win every last game that you have this one of your Super Bowl contending commanders uh end up getting like the number two draft pick you think Bill would want to come then I didn't even think about that but I guess that so if you're Bill Belichick and you've already made up your mind to go to the commanders the best thing you can possibly do is to win a bunch of games as New England Patriots coach this year give the commanders a better draft pick that's a good point Hank it's a really good thank you for bringing that up no ball um yeah the Patriots do have the uh they're in prime spoiler watch they have Chiefs Broncos Bills all teams looking for seating and Broncos and Bills looking to get in the playoffs yeah did you see uh Tyreek Hill on that when he got injured on the the horse collar tackle yeah and he it was a horse collar drop uh hip drop yeah it was a combo he hit all the all the bases on that one weren't sharp like instantly tweeted about it gotta get this out of the league all of it okay so the hip drop tackle let's talk about the hip drop tackle because i don't know how you're supposed to tackle somebody from behind yeah it without it being a hip drop tackle it's a dangerous tackle but i also it's legal yeah it's also how you tackle somebody like right tackling is dangerous right and when you get tackled from behind unless you do like a shoestring grab them around the legs but then you know five years down the line good they'll be like well you can't tackle somebody low from behind because we've seen a bunch of leg injuries off that it's our ankle injuries football's a dangerous sport but the hip drop tackle okay i understand horse collar that is it's almost like every time somebody gets horse colored you're like that guy could be injured yeah um there's really no safe way to tackle somebody from behind right it just doesn't exist and you you run into the thing where defenders are now like even think about a defensive lineman you can't hit a quarterback in the head or anywhere above the shoulders and you can't hit them anywhere below the knees so yeah strike zone yeah it's becoming harder and harder if we if we ban this tackle which i don't think they will i i don't think they will but there's enough people out there talking yeah the hip drop has become the the buzz tackle of like it may have it it makes you sound like you know what you're talking about right oh that's a hip drop technique you're talking technique now like you tackle somebody from behind and then naturally your your body weight brings you down and then that brings them down the most efficient way to tackle someone from behind that's how physics work yes yeah you just you make yourself a backpack yeah so um but with tyreek hill's injury he looked like he was really hurt and then he got up and he did the thing that that kiddo does sometimes where he just tells himself i'm not injured actually yep and he just sprinted off the field that's how not injured i am so he texted his wife at halftime. His wife gets football guy of the week this week

because Tyreek Hill's wife was like,

you better get your ass back in that game, dog.

And he was like, all right, and went back in.

It's on.

It's on.

So shout out to Tyreek Hill's wife.

Yes, huge football guy of the week for sure.

Tyreek Hill also, he's definitely in the Big Ben realm of like,

I don't even think he does it on purpose, but it does feel like, I don't know, six times a year. You're like, oh, he's out for the season.
His body's just, it's just one big muscle, so he gets a lot of those like, his body revolts against him sometimes. It's like, dude, you're going too fast.
And then he sits out for a few plays and he's like, come on, body, we're doing this. And his body's like, fine.
Yeah. Also, shout out Mike Vrabel.
That was that was a classic vrabel game yeah he still is one of the best coaches i know the titans have not had a good year but you just always have to be worried about a vrabel game where you just can't count the titans out ever no matter who's on the team and jandre hopkins hopkins is great yeah hopkins is still really good yeah just when they can get them the ball that's that's the issue i couldn Like, imagine the Dolphins going into this game being like, you're going to get a pick six. You're going to get two fumbles in the red zone.
A muff punt. Yeah, counting that as well.
Yeah, so two fumbles basically in the red zone, and you're not going to win the game. Up 15 with two minutes left, and you're going to get the ball back.
Yeah. It's the first time in in what, like seven years that a team has come back from being down 14 with under three minutes left.
Yeah. Will Levis, dog.
Dog. Dog.
And did you see the chest bump that he gave on the sidelines after the game? He tried to run someone over last night too. He truck sticked them.
Yeah. Yeah.
That was awesome. Okay.
My fault for raising my hand. Yes, that is your fault.
Good point, Jake. Taking responsibility.
Your Dolphins, are they frauds? No, but if they don't beat the Jets, the panic button's out. Maybe you got to worry about the Jets instead of trying to worry about how the Broncos record means that you beat a team over 500.
Thought. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah, that might help.
Backfired. Yeah, that did backfire.
We move on. Beat the Jets.

Beat the Jets.

Must compete.

Must win.

Must win.

Ooh, okay, we got a couple must-wins.

Actually, the Bears have a must-win.

We have a lot of must-wins on this show this weekend.

Patriots have a must-win for me.

Yeah.

They do.

Let's go Pats. I mean, we need a Patriots fan.

Wait, so you guys mathematically eliminated for the playoffs?

No.

No, no.

Only you.

Patriots and Panthers.

Oh, that's right, the Patriots are.

But I, listen, we have most.

That's sad, though.

We have most.

Like, I can root for tanking because.

Shut the f tanking because. Shut the fuck up for a second.
I've already eliminated. We have most of our bases covered.
You can still make the playoffs and win the Super Bowl. You said that was a possibility.
You did say soupy season. I said soupy season if we beat the Bills and the Eagles back to back.
Got it. Yeah.
No, you said one of the two. One of the two.
One of the two. And we didn't.
Newsflash, we lost both. But we've got most of our bases covered in terms of big media,

successful franchises on this podcast.

We've got Chicago.

We've got Philly.

We've got New York.

We've got some Miami.

We don't have a Patriots fan on this podcast.

We've got Dallas on this podcast.

Dallas, huge.

So I think I have to just take up the mantle and say, you know what?

Do your pod. I like that, PFT.
That's big of you. Let's go, Pats.
I'm a big lighthouse believer. That thing is legit.
Cowboys. You're Cowboys.
You're boys. Cowboys, yeah.
You need to buy some more gear. I need to see you in Cowboys gear for the entirety of January.
It's so funny, too, because AWLs, we have the best fans in the world, but them buying in, just being like, thank you, Hank, for repping our boys. I think they're serious.
I get some earnest. It's a combo.
It means a lot. I'm like, are you fucking serious? Are you going to put a future on them? You should.
Yeah. You have to.
I might as well right now. Yeah, do it right now.
You might as well. The boys.
How about them boys? Okay. Other things, clean up.
Patrick Mahomes, as predicted, talked to the media today, or I think he was on a radio show, and he was like, yeah, I overreacted. He apologized to the youngsters.
You usually don't hear an athlete say that. That's usually the realm of the guy doing the interview.
What about the youngsters at home? Yeah. Mahomes is like, there's kids watching at home, and I apologize for how I acted acted in the post game especially with josh because he did the second it happened you knew that he was going to look back on that and be like that's not a good look for me to be complaining to josh about a call yeah and also with the benefit of hindsight seeing that cadarius tony was the most off sides person in the history of football ever probably made him be like okay yeah maybe cadarius should have checked with the refs at some point and he did and were Chiefs fans trying to say he did check with the refs.
If you watch the clip, he literally pointed to a ref, and before the ref could even give him any signal back, he just lined up offsides. Oh, you spilled water on your laptop.
It's fine. This is a laptop from 2016.
Oh, okay. No problem.
Just dump it off. I'm just going to let it air dry.
Yeah, air dry it. And it's body armor water armor water oh wait you have a spill underneath hold on we have uh give us something to wipe it up yeah i got a shirt yeah give us a shirt uh yeah he i people who say they lost respect for mahomes or don't like him now are the lamest people in the world agreed because you're basically telling on yourself that you didn't like Mahomes

and you were just waiting for something to be like,

yeah, that's why I don't like him.

Right.

It was a bad moment for him.

He looked childish,

but it's also a passionate game.

It's guys after a game are always going to say shit

that is different than two days later.

And I know there were some Kansas City fans that were saying that P pft we're not allowed in kansas city anymore we're banned um because we're an anti-chiefs podcast which i don't i think there's just a lot of people who and i understand it fandom is crazy we're fanatics for a reason we're literally psychos uh they they cherry pick whenever we say bad things and don't listen when we say good things so i think we should say a couple good things about kansas city i also think we've been pretty consistent over the last five years saying a lot of really good things mahomes is the best uh quarterback in the nfl fact i think he's the best quarterback to ever play the game wow the chiefs are always my beloved tom brady the fucking goat it's disgusting anybody ever mentions him in the same breath as tom brady the chiefs are always live to win the Super Bowl. Even now, with all their issues, I still wouldn't bet against them in January.
And we were the first podcast to ask, to debate whether the debate would happen about Andy Reed being the GOAT coach. It's true.
We were the first to do it. But yeah, I like Kansas City.
We went there. George Brett showed us his barbecue place.
It was awesome. They don't get enough credit for having awesome uniforms either.
Yeah. Chiefs have just classic unis.
And Kansas Jayhawk fans are the most passionate. I want to go to Fog Island at some point.
Is that in, are we allowed outside of Kansas City, you think? Lawrence. Are we allowed in Lawrence? We need a clarification from Kansas City Chiefs fans if we're allowed to be in the state of Kansas or Missouri.
Or Missouri. Yeah.
Well, preferably Missouri. Yeah.
But, yeah, the Chiefs are really good. Chiefs are fine.
They're a really good franchise. Travis Kelsey is the second best tight end of all time.
Behind my beloved Gronk. Gronk, yeah.
The Chiefs could easily still get the bye, by the way. Yeah.
Oh, easily, yeah. Things are falling apart at the top.
The Dolphins losing. The Ravens and Dolphins having to play each other.
The Ravens having to play the 49ers. I wouldn't say easily because I think they have to have a couple teams have a couple losses and then they need to kind of run the table.
But the Ravens and Dolphins play each other. Yeah, and it's an easier schedule for the Chiefs.
But it's a realistic possibility. I wouldn't be shocked if come playoff time, we're like, wait wait the chiefs still out of all that you know the it reminds me actually of like your beloved patriots when they were uh running hot there was always a point in the season where everyone be like they're done yeah and then you look up like wait hold on i love that when yeah when mark brunel would get on tv and cry about footballs when they count us out be like oh is this the end of the end of the dynasty? Because we lost one game and then we're on to Cincinnati.
It's time to get back to greatness. Yeah.
So, you know what we'll do? Memes. Tomorrow, like around 11 o'clock, I want you to tweet a poll from the part of my take Twitter.
And this is a poll for Kansas City Chiefs fans and people in Kansas and Missouri only asking if we're allowed to go to Kansas City ever again. Yeah.
The guy was, it was kind of funny. He's like, you come here and like, it sounded like I had to check in with him.
It's on site. Yeah.
Like, hey, is it okay? Can't, you got to tap in when you go to Kansas City. I would, I think I would do the thing where I, if I pressed a button and one of you guys in this room would, I don't want to say die.
Yeah. Die.
I button if one of you in this room would die but it meant that this room or that control the control room and meaning that i would have patrick mahomes as my quarterback for the next 10 years i've said i would give random person i would give multiple toes i give children i'd give multiple i would sacrifice for epft yeah thanks jake very cool i'll give my firstborn child chris i would Chris. I would give Chris up.
Give Chris away to the orphanage for Patrick Mahomes. What are you going to say? You guys want to get some fun future takes wrong and just predict the playoffs? Yeah.
Yeah, I like this. Who's in? Okay.
Are the Patriots out? This is good. This is good.
Patriots are out. Fuck.
Okay. Our playoffs right now.
I feel like there's as many scenarios. There's like 20 different scenarios.
Okay, AFC, I'm going to say Ravens bye. Dolphins two seed.
I think they'll be able to win a couple games here. Their schedule is tough coming up.
Real tough. Should I do Bills? I think the Bills could win the division still.
I think the Bills are going to win the division.

Dolphins fans are going to crush you if you

jump off of them again.

I think the Bills are going to win the division.

What if the Bills got the two

seed? They could. They beat the

Kansas City Chiefs if the Jaguars catch another loss

and the Chiefs catch another loss. Alright.

I'll go Ravens, Bills,

Chiefs.

I'll go Ravens, Chiefs, Bills, Jaguars, Browns, Dolphins, and Broncos.

Okay.

I'm going to go.

That's my seven in order.

I'm going to do it.

No Texans?

No Bengals?

No, the Texans.

I mean, CJ Stroud.

I'm going to do it.

Oh, Bengals?

Yeah, Jake Browning.

I forgot Jake.

Bengals. I'm going to Bengals yeah Jake Browning I forgot Jake Jake Bengals I'm going to Broncos I'm going to do it Chiefs one seed yeah Ravens two seed Chiefs Raven okay Dolphins three seed okay Jacksonville four okay Cleveland five yep this is Chalk City no I had chiefs with one seed uh right now you made me lose my train of thought six and seven six and seven uh six i'm gonna go with the denver broncos okay and seven i'm gonna go with the colts so bills out and bangles out Wow.
Okay. All right, and then the NFC, it's going to be Niners, Cowboys.

What, Max? Wow. Okay.
All right. And then the NFC, it's going to be Niners, Cowboys.

What, Max?

You guys all stuck.

There we go, memes.

He's getting the dang of it.

Niners, Cowboys, Lions, Bucs, Vikings, Packers, Eagles.

Wrong.

Wrong.

I don't even think that's possible.

Eagles would have to lose out.

That would be Cowboys, Eagles round one.

Oh.

Two seven.

Hank versus Max.

I love it.

I love it.

If they have a Saturday playoff game, can I go?

Yes.

Absolutely.

In Dallas? Do you have someone you're going to go with?

I'm just thinking ahead.

Yeah. I'm going to go Niners, one seed.
Birds, two seed. Then I'll go, yeah, Lions, three seed.
Four seed. I'm going to say the Falcons are going to do it.
Okay. Falcons, four seed.
Cowboys, five. And then it's Vikings, Packers, or Rams.
Vikings, Packers. I'm going to go Rams six.
And then Packers or Vikings? I'm going to go Packers seven. I might actually put Bears seven.
And I'd like to- The Eagles be eliminated? I'd like to officially revise my AFC take. I'm going to put Bills in.
Love it. I'm going to put Bills in over the Colts.
Okay. And, oh, by by the way you know how we're colt season ticket holders yeah i did the like auto renew thing at the time and i could figure out how to get the auto renew off i just bought a second season that's why i did the game by game because i couldn't figure out how to do it either yeah so um i guess i'm just going to be giving away more colts tickets next year love it love.
Love it. Anthony Richardson.
Hey, what do you guys want to do this week?

It's a Saturday game.

Oh.

I want to get two people that look the most like Santa Claus.

Okay.

No costume. Yeah, just give us bearded, white bearded guys.

Okay.

Yeah.

PMT intern at BarstoolSports.com.

Yeah.

You can even just send us a picture of Santa Claus. Are you with Santa Claus? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
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And then you can redeem those rewards for free Barstool Golf Merch in our store. barstool golf time app now start earning those rewards and booking those tee times barstool golf time app now before we get to hot seat cool throne shohei otani the deferred man so it came out his seven year or sorry 10 year 700 million dollar contract is being deferred at the price of 68 million dollars a year is being deferred so he's getting paid 2 million dollars for the next 10 years every year and then once the contract is up he's getting paid 68 million dollars every year for the next 10 years that is awesome it's it's an awesome deal for the dodgers uh 68 million a year get it you're it's i saw a lot of people that are upset about the dodgers doing this type of contract because it like violates the spirit of baseball it's smart if you can find a player that's willing to do this and also i'm pretty sure otani like he is going to do some sort of tax situation with this yes when he's no longer playing for the dodgers and he doesn't probably won't live in california probably won't live in california anymore at that point so he's deferring most of until after almost all of it until after he's done also the marketing that he's going to get in los angeles is going to make up for a lot of that money so he's good otani's gonna be just fine um the dodgers are secretly rooting for inflation now yeah so that would be really good for them here's the real story here with this deal uh it's a genius job by shohei and his uh agents to have everyone say seven years or 10 years 700 million dollars oh my god he just broke the bank the next biggest one was aaron judge nine years 360 or you know mike trout i think he did like 12 years like 350 or 400 or something like that uh this is a 450 60 million dollar contract because of inflation and interest yeah so he basically the I I bet you that he when he went around shopping because of the injury he every single team that he talked to was probably in the 400 500 million dollar range and he was like well what if we just do deferment and we make it sound like it's a 700 million so the way the way that that baseball and the cba calculates this they actually have a formula yeah to figure out what deferred payments would look like in terms of today's money i think his contract is for about 46 million dollars a year.
On the luxury tax. Using that proprietary formula.
Yeah. So when you take into account all the money he's going to earn, it's like if you gave him $46 million a year today.
Yeah, so it's 400. And that's the genius part.
Because when we see the contract come out and everyone flips out and they're like, but Aaron Judd just signed for nine years for nine years 360 million well if you actually think about it this is a natural progression of contracts Shohei Otani signed for 10 years 460 million that's a natural progression from Aaron Judd's nine for 360 yeah and I think that he honestly was like everyone who was negotiating with Shohei Otani was probably in the 400 ish range with no deferments and maybe 500 with a few deferments and then they're like hey what if we do 700 million with all deferments it was his idea to do this deferment but it's genius because it sounds like he is like he just broke the the mold of baseball and all contracts and you could say 700 million that's insane but that's not the value of the contract the value of the contract is somewhere in the 400s yeah he uh it's i think it's a win-win for no i do too but i just the dodgers are pretty happy about this it was just it was just very funny because and i did it too i was like what the fuck he just doubled aaron judge's contract no he didn't yeah it's it's good for the dodgers because the world might not even exist in 15 years in which case they don't have to pay him that. Yes.
The sun could engulf the entire planet. It also weirdly helped out all the other team's fan bases when the $700 million gets reported.
Because I know I personally was like, well, the Cubs would never have spent that. So I felt good for a little bit.
And then when you actually see the actual value, you're like, oh, the Cubs maybe could have offered that. Yeah, we just gotent we can't we can't compete with the big market right it was a it's a 460 million dollar deal what would it have been in Canadian dollars if I don't know Blue Jays I don't know the only thing I know about Canadian dollars is when I look at the back of a book and it shows the two prices on there and it's always Canada's a little bit more he probably would have gotten a billion Canadian dollars he just did Shohei just did what the NFL does for all their contracts yeah when the agents get to announce that a quarterback signs for you know five years 200 million and then you look at it and you're like hmm there's only 60 million guaranteed and they can cut him after two years he just did that for MLB where they can't cut him there's no salary cap but they can they can essentially say yeah this the value of this contract is not even close to 700 million I could see DeVito's agent being like, yeah, we did the first billion dollar deal in the history of football.
Right. It's like the first two years you get $4 million and then after that you can get cut.
Yeah. And then, okay, yeah, but we did a billion dollar deal.
Yeah, you do like a 100-year land lease. We got a- A million dollars a year.
7,000 boxes of Ziti, five sauces. It would be $10 million a year.
But yeah, yeah. And I don't understand numbers or interest or inflation or anything.
I don't know. That's way above my pay grade.
I do understand. Well, I tried to understand the Dodgers tweet about it last night when they made it official.
Yeah. You see the Dodgers tweet? No.
It was four images that were each like 500 words. Nobody read the entire thing.
Was it like a mega notes app? Yeah, it was like a novel. They put out a novel just basically saying, we signed Shohei Otani.
I would like to know if anybody out there actually read the entire thing. No chance.
It was the actual real life. I didn't read all that, but I'm sorry.
Our congrats, bro. Congrats, as it happened to you, yeah.
Breaking news. Well, it's not news officially.
It's just breaking moves, I guess. Tuesday night, 9 o'clock, Big Cat has requested I come back on the air by myself to talk about the rumors that Bill Belichick is going to leave the Patriots at the end of the season.
Max is laughing at me right now. I'm sitting here alone.
A report came out. It's not official.
It was not a team document or announcement. So as of right now, it's just a report.
Tom Kern, who is not a fan fictionist, he's real news, good reporter, said that at the end of the year, the Patriots and Belichick are probably going to part ways. It happened after the Germany game.
And then Big Cat was like, you need to get on the air and do two minutes. Like, I'm staying up, which I guess is good practice because I have to do 60 minutes coming up.
But I'm just going to go with the fact that it's a report and it's not true. It might be fake news.
I'm hoping it's fake. I'm in the denial stage right now.
I don't want it to be true. That would, you know, force a lot of emotions to come over me that I'm not ready to accept at this very moment.
And I'm talking into a microphone by myself right now. I don't even know what I'm saying.
So that's that's my take. I don't it's tough because I want it.
I saw saw the tweets and stuff people were sending me to tweet big cat pft jake being like oh look at this look at this green light podcast who took down a tweet and then put it back up saying it was a report which was interesting because if it was official you'd think they would just leave up the original tweet um justin trudell from the kirk minnehan show tweeted that he had inside sources saying it was fake. So I'm just going with that.
That was a tweet I like to see and was like, yes, this is now we got Kirk Minahan show versus a green light podcast going for going for the news break. But then I read the actual report and, and there was rumors before the Germany game that if they lost, he was going to be on his way out.
So the fact that the report said it kind of happened after the Germany game made it seem like it made sense, which is, again, I don't want to accept that reality, so I'm not going to. This is my two minutes saying that we're just going to wait to see what happens.
Sad day, bad day. I've never podcasted alone, and I hope I never have to again.
Okay, let's do some Hot Seat Cool Throne, and then we got Stav and Jaden Daniels coming up. Hot Seat Cool Throne is brought to you by our friends at Chevy.
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Check out Chevy Silverado and the family of Chevy ZR2s, the official trucks of Pardon pardon my take thank you to chevy we're a wonderful sponsor we are chevy guys hank your hot seat cool throw um my hot seat's the detroit pistons oh yeah they've lost 20 straight games yeah what's the record they're 2 and 21 the wizards are better than them in the standings yeah uh which is saying the wizards got beat by by 45 last night by the 76ers. Yeah, the Wizards are 3-19.
But the Pistons, I feel like it's kind of going a little bit under the radar. Like 20 losses in a row is all.
20 losses in a row is insane. Well, it's actually crazy because the Pistons have 20 losses in a row, and I'm pretty sure the Spurs have 17 losses in a row.
Like both of these. And then the Wizards also have a ton of losses in a row and I'm pretty sure the Spurs have 17 losses in a row like both of these and then the Wizards also have a ton of losses in a row like there's some some oh yeah actually here it is the the uh the the Spurs have 17 losses in a row the Pistons have 20 losses in a row and I'm pretty sure that the Wizards have won one game in the last uh let's see, eight.
It's been a while.

It's their 1-14 in their last 15.

Their one win, the Detroit Pistons.

I love that.

So it's like the worst three teams.

It's insane.

So those teams combined are like 1-55 or something crazy.

Do you know what the record losing streak is in the NBA?

What is it? Well, you can look at it one of two ways. 28.
Well, yeah, one is 24, and that's for the Cleveland Cavaliers. But then eventually, over the parts of two different seasons, it was the 76ers.
Oh. Because remember, also, I'm surprised.
They got a great draft pick out of that. Remember the Bobcats one year won seven games?

Yeah.

That was crazy.

But yeah, the Pistons.

How do you?

That's crazy.

20 in a row.

20 in a row.

So I'm in the all-star break.

20 in a row is definitely like if you get over 15 in a row, it's fire everyone.

You can't do 20 in a row.

No.

You have to fire everyone.

I don't know.

I don't know if you can legally fire everyone, but like I'm saying, cut everyone, fire everyone, do everything. 20 in a row.
That's bad. Real bad.
And then my cool throw in, it was going to be the Dodgers. PFT kind of touched on it.
That's the greatest deal of all time. Money's never going to matter.
The world's going to end. They're going to have paid them like $20 million.
The big one. California might be in the middle of the ocean.
Yeah. You can pass.
I guess my other cool throw in Paul Pierce, keeping up the hate, I respect it. He was on him and KG's show, and he said LeBron's not top five in the NBA.
Love that. And KG flipped out.
But Paul Pierce is a good point. Like, LeBron is LeBron, but...
He's old. He's going to be old he's old but I just respect you know I respect haters it encourages me to keep my hate up because Paul Pierce is still keeping his yeah yeah thank you Paul he's he it's it's nice representation matters yes that's what you're saying it's like when they do you know different movies with you know different minorities you needed this to have someone out there still hating, and you're like, see, I can see myself in that.
Yeah. Yeah, like The Little Mermaid is black.
Hank's like, yeah, seeing that on TV makes me think one day I can grow up to be a hater forever. Paul Pierce is my hero, and he's hating on LeBron, so it's okay for me to still hate on LeBron.
Yeah, that's great. All right, PFT, Yeah, that's great.
All right PFT your hot seat. Cool throne.
My hot seat is Kenya. Oh, because our boy Billy and Donnie are back over in Africa right now looking for revenge.
They're training on the hot seat. Billy's on.
Oh, I put Billy. Billy will be fired if he comes back and they scored no touchdowns.
No. Hey, he's never been fired.
news it's an inside joke Billy was never fired um but yeah I've told Billy if he comes back and he cannot call himself Billy football and go scoreless against Kenya again he's put himself in the ultimate future Billy where he came back he was kind of upset he lost and he got so like excited about going back And he was pitching, and he's like, please help me get back there. I need to coach these guys.
I don't even care if we get filmed. And I was like, Billy, that makes no sense.
It's for content. He's like, I don't care.
I want to get this team to victory. And so he's going back, and he's got all the pressure in the world.
He's got all the pressure, but I'll defend Billy a little bit. When he came back and he was crying about it and he was really upset and he was crying,

it's because he cares for the boys so much.

He went out there, practiced with them.

He got passionate.

I like passionate Billy.

Me too.

Yeah.

Say what you want about Billy when he's not passionate, but when he actually cares about

something, he's usually pretty good at it.

And he deeply, deeply cares about this one.

So the part of my cheesesteak bowl round two is going to happen this is an away game this is in kenya at elevation we've provided them we actually put some money together sit a bunch of equipment over for the uganda football team so they got new footballs they got all this equipment pads whistles you name it billy is like a like a pack mule that we've sent over to africa we're game. And, yeah, Billy will be fired if they don't score a touchdown.
It's not even that they don't score. Like, if they come back and they lose 40-3, Billy's fired.
They have to get a touchdown. Did you guys give him bribe money? Yeah.
So that's the other funny thing is Billy put together a little budget for him. Yeah.
And I actually, PFT was like, hey, we're going to do this budget. I was like, I'm going to send it to Donnie, noty this is can i read the budget because i was i was like he was when he was asking me i was like all right what's it gonna cost can you send me a budget said flights 1400 hotels 400 food 50 bucks cheap parentheses uh he goes extra baggage fee maybe and then at the very bottom it goes hopefully i don't have to pay any bribes this time but bribe and budget and cash 500 nice yeah so billy's just going overseas like a suitcase filled with ones good luck to billy bribes uh he's gonna score a touchdown though i i have full confidence in uganda it was a wet game it was rainy billy was injured last time he just better get a touchdown yeah okay your cool throne uh my cool throne is traffic so chicago just decided that we don't need traffic anymore well yeah the construction yeah so there's been construction ever since we've moved to chicago on the main highways and it's been a pain in the ass to drive around as it is in most cities trying to get around especially at rush hour uh like two days ago chicago just said you know what let's just not do the construction and we won't have traffic anymore and when i drove to work yesterday it was awesome yeah it was so fast it was i felt like i was living large like luxury they just said phase one complete yeah so like oh okay now there's just when's phase two though we shouldn't do phase two the phase two's coming you know it is because phase one it's done and now there's no traffic anymore we just decided i don't know what they were building yeah well they're just there i think they were fixing the highway and then the uh yeah like brandon who drives from wisconsin he got here at like 7 15 the other day i was like why are you here so early and he's like i my commute was like half as long yeah there's no traffic anymore there's something there's something.
Yeah. There's some sort of scam going on to that.
My other cool throne is drip for the boys. So you know how I bought a bunch of Darius Rucker NFL collab stuff.
I did it again where I saw a guy Fieri NFL flavor town collab. And so I got the boys.
Hell yes. Food related.
I dropped like 500 on, on fanatics the other day. And I was like, okay, you know who would like this awesome shirt of a giant ass bear eating a deep dish pizza? My friend Big Cat.
You know who would like this lobster shirt? Hell yes. My friend Hank.
And so now we got some Guy Fieri NFL collab. So if the guy that does the collab wants to send me $20,000 worth of medium-sized commander's gear with Guy Fieri influence on it, I'm open to hearing about that.
But, yeah, boys are going to be decked out this weekend. Yeah, I'm pumped.
I'm ready for it. You told me that, and I was like, fuck yes.
All right, my hot seat is Al Michaels. He has been blindsided.
He's not calling the NBC playoff game this year. Really? Yeah.
Was that his choice next up yeah so they they i think the the people at nbc were like we hear al might be not not maybe not vintage al and so yeah i think he got kind of blindsided i don't like this yeah no i don't like it either i don't like this let al go out on his own terms but i'll keep going but yeah that was uh some news andrew martian had that yeah it's like he got blindsided yeah um and then my cool throne is georgia fans so georgia fans they are uh not in the playoff but they're in a fight right now for uh five-star quarterback dylan rayola and uh there's a there's word on the street that he might be going to take a visit in Nebraska. And we had this from a comment section on a Georgia Bulldogs site.
It says, does anyone here work at Hartsfield Jackson Airport? It's being reported that Rayola will visit Nebraska on Friday. I assume that it'll take the 221 Delta flight, which is also the last flight of the day to the state.
Therefore, if this flight gets canceled, he likely won't be able to make the trip and will stay committed to UGA. Obviously, messing with commercial flights is a slippery slope.
So I'm not suggesting that anybody does anything illegal, but does anyone here work for Delta? If some loyal UGA pilots or flight attendants call in sick at the last minute, the flight

could be canceled and we could keep Raiola.

Maybe someone working could hold the flight

up for maintenance issues. At the

very least, he could lose his check

bags so he'd have to experience the

Nebraska winter without a jacket.

I'm just spitballing ideas, but if anyone has

anything else, those would also be appreciated.

The phrase,

obviously messing with commercial air travel is a slippery slope, that that's an all-time all-time yada yada yada yeah obviously we just got to get this out of the way i don't think there's a gray area for that yeah probably not slippery slope probably not yeah slippery slopes doing a lot of work yes in that phrase i'll put it that way yes yes um Yes. Okay.
Your hot seat, cool throne, Jake.

My hot seat is the Detroit Lions because next on their schedules,

the Denver Broncos and Russell Wilson has the baby bump.

Yep.

Yep.

He had a baby.

Yes.

So that's Saturday night.

Great Saturday triple header, by the way.

Yes.

All teams above 500.

My cool throne is hanging the banner because that's exactly what the Lakers

will be doing for the in-season tournament championship.

They're hanging a banner.

Oh, no.

So I love it.

They want a championship.

Is it going to be like a special colored banner?

It has to be small.

Neon.

It has to be smaller.

It's different than their other championships,

but that has sparked some discourse.

I mean, if it stays around, I guess you have to hang a banner.

It would have been cooler if the Pacers won and hung a banner because that would have been like, that's nice. Yeah.
Lakers, like, you've won championships. A lot of them.
It would also be funny if the in-season tournament never happened again, and they just had the only banner in the in-season tournament. Yeah, that would also be great.
Okay, good job, boys. Let's get to our interview with Stav.
It's time for our interview with Stavros, and shout out to Body. Body Armor helps us stay hydrated throughout our interviews with the biggest guests in the world, packed with electrolytes and no artificial sweeteners, flavors, or dyes.
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you to body armor we're always drinking body armor so head over there and here is our good friend stav okay we now welcome on our very good friend recurring guest in studio it is stavi babe what's the greek freak the greek freak right he has a new Netflix special out right now. You got to go watch it.
It's called Fat Rascal. Mm-hmm.
Let's start there. I mean- Yeah, dude.
Why did you call yourself fat? Well, I think- You look good. Thanks, man.
Yeah. I do appreciate that, but that's the thing.
Fat is not a bad word. You know what I mean? I'm trying to take it back.
You could be fat. You could be a beautiful motherfucker.
You get your titties sucked. You could be fat.
People like fat. You're in Chicago now.
If there's a city that respects a fat person. Yeah, yeah.
Big people. I love walking around.
Just big people. I'm respected in this town.
Yeah. Fat is power here.
Fat is power. Yeah.
Big people. That was a sign of like, you were eating well.
You had money. City of broad shoulders.
This is a city where you could call someone a pipsqueak. You know what I mean? I really mean it.
A pencil neck. A pencil neck.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, imagine if you brought home a skinny man.
If you were a woman who had to meet your fat father and you bring home like some Brooklyn fucking pussy. It's like, you know, 90 pounds.
It's like, they would be pissed off. Yeah.
Skinny man here is like. How's he going to provide for you? He can't even provide for himself.
can't even provide for himself right look how skinny he is i to be honest i wanted to call the special fat little slut but they said no like hey man if you google that your special's not coming up i like a james brown tweet when he tweeted out damp lips.com yeah i like uh i like the word rascal too that's a a very underused word. I think I think you would call yourself a rascal.
I would absolutely call myself. It's hard to be a rascal like in your 30s, though.
I know. But I think that we all actually apply to that.
We still have the rascal. You were playing dodgeball out here.
Yeah. It's a good thing to have.
It's like never lose your inner rascal. Totally.
This is is truly like the little rascals i know you have to legally probably employ what four women but this is the like e-man woman haters club you know what i mean we have a clubhouse yeah yeah it's great yeah uh i i was listening to another show you're on and you you said something that really hit me hard when you said that you you have gotten maybe not the best shape right now but you're at a point where you can't uh have any black and white pictures of yourself absolutely people will just if they see a black and white picture of stob they'll just be like oh he's dead he's dead yeah i can't get into photography right now because if people see if they see an old time if they see one black and white me like gazing off like softly you know what i mean they're gonna start texting my mom being like oh no how can we help you know like yeah it's it's tough when you've gotten so fat that you cannot there's a couple i've hit a couple different points you know but your brother's fucking jacked i ran into him right before i left uh uh new york at the museum i was with my kids and he just came up to me he's like hey i'm stav's brother i was like dude you're fucking jacked yeah yeah yeah so he's got to get you back in shape I know it's funny because he started like uh he just started running a business and I was I would just go and hang out I was like oh sick I'm gonna help my brother with a gym he's gonna be my slave he has to work me out whenever and he's like no I have to run my gym yeah I have clients good luck out there I was like fuck dude I help you buy these fucking this equipment and i'm all you throw me to the fucking wolves to get fatter for a year and that's what he did but we're gonna get back i'm going back to baltimore for a couple months nice what kind of training you're gonna do you're gonna do like olympic lifting i wish i would i have gotten so fat where i have to do like the train like when an old woman breaks her hip those are the workouts I have there oh like you're in the pool I have to be in the pool I have to like really thick rubber bands I have to stretch those out a little bit you gotta do like the supported treadmill where you're like strapped into it to take some weight off we don't want to we don't want to add any weight here we're just gonna do resistance bands it's so sad because I tried to like I tried I was like, I'm going to get a jump on it.

On the road, I'm going to work out. Oh, that's never.
That is the worst thing that's ever been said. I've just been injured.
Like one lift, my whole body's back. I've been going through that the last, I don't know, two years where your body just accumulates injuries and they never go away.
It's like you step out of bed one day and you sprain your foot. You're like, well, my foot's going to hurt for the rest of my life.
I'm just done. That's what's wrong with my foot.
Yeah. Also, the workout on the road.
The most I work out on the road is I pack gym shoes. Yeah.
That's it. You pack it and you're like, yeah, I'll work out.
And you just never take them out of your bag. No.
And now I'm getting too fat to walk too. I'm like, fuck.
I need the elliptical. Like I'm hurting my feet walking.
And I'm like, Jesus Christ. I literally need an elliptical where my feet are locked in place but I'm gonna look for look for a water treadmill That's not a bad idea.
Yeah, I like that I'm gonna be fucking walking on it. You need the Babe Ruth workout where like those old videos of Babe Ruth where he just sit there and they would like jiggle him Yes, yes, yes, yes Like there you go.
You worked out, babe It's like a board that women used to stand on that would just shake them back and forth and that would make them lose weight Or. Or you could reach the point where you're just like, I'm going to be a sauna guy.
Yeah. And if you sweat, that's a workout.
The executive workout. Yeah.
The steam sauna shower. Yeah.
The sauna era is coming. Yeah.
The sauna era is absolutely- It might be here. It's here, dude.
Yeah. Like, how different is this from just a towel around my neck? Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, I need to just be one towel over my dick, one like this hanging out for hours I did I read your profile on GQ and the opening line of it by the way congrats on having a profile written oh thanks man yeah that's crazy that's crazy gentlemen's quarterly and it's your stuff when you're a gentleman with his with his tracksuit wide open uh with gold, listen, when you got famous on a cum podcast

and then you went on to get more famous asking people

the last time they got pussy on the internet,

you got to be in Gentleman's Quarterly.

You know what I mean?

There's some old GQ executive.

You're like, what the fuck?

Yeah, what's happened to this fucking magazine?

We used to get Christian Bale every year.

Yeah.

Why is the fattest man I've ever seen in the magazine? Is Pierce Brosnan dead? What the fuck? We wanted to get him in a trench coat. Yeah, hell yeah, dude.
I love it. Shout out to my boy Lawrence.
The opening sentence is great. Two days before Thanksgiving, Stavros Halkius sits at the dining table of three-bedroom Astoria apartment comfortably dressed in a lavender velour Sergio Takini sweatsuituit that's right actually it's this exact suit in lavender nice how many do you own that's another way that you can tell you're getting old you just buy the same thing bro different colors the only thing i have splurged on in my life is track the track suit if i saw a number of what i've spent on track suits it would be so embarrassing but But it is, if you're heavier, the tracksuit,

you put on a tracksuit and it's like Superman's cape.

You become the most powerful man in the world.

It's just a totally different vibe.

Absolutely.

If you put on that tracksuit, everyone walks around being like,

damn, I respect him. If I was sitting here in a tucked in white shirt

into some pleated khakis, you would be like,

get this child molester out of here.

You know what I mean? You'd be like, fuck this. But the tracksuit's like, no, this guy's wheeling and dealing.
He's making business. Absolutely, yeah.
I look like I own the land that this building was built on. You know what I mean? Yeah.
I'm above the landlord. I just come in here.
I'm like, very good. How is everything, boys? You like the electricity I have here for you very much? many lamps turn off red too much electricity you spend

when can i meet when can i meet sports guys where is michael zordan i hear you guys do sports

interviews just like the guy that's who i look like yeah yeah the tracksuit is like that guy's

got something going on and i don't know what it is and i don't know if i want to know what it is

dude if you walk into i've done this a couple times where you walk into a place where everyone's

in a suit and you're in a track suit everyone's like this guy fucking rock yeah everyone's like

Who the f suit is like a press credential or security everywhere you go no one's like hey what why should why is this guy here it's like no no someone knows why yeah yeah we don't ask questions if you had a golf cart and a track suit you're getting in you could get into the white house easily yeah i'm president's bookie you're just hunter biden's best friend that really is the truth hunter biden doesn't have a friend that looks like me that's fucked up if you showed up to the white house they would all just be like yeah i think he knows hunter yeah he's gotta know hunter yeah that's hunter's pussy connect that's the guy that's the guy him horses. That's the guy who dropped off the laptop.

Yeah.

He made the mistake.

Yeah.

Well, I was like, yeah, let me see.

My nephew could take a look at your laptop.

How many more pictures are we going to get out of that laptop?

It seems like he had- It's awesome.

Like thousands of pictures, and they're all-

He took a lot of pictures of him smoking crack.

That's awesome, dude.

I love it.

I'm so pro-Hunter.

Because it's like so many politicians' kids steal our money and then then what make foundations. Yeah, that's bullshit like that.
Yeah. Like, no, dude, let's fucking smoke crack.
Get our dick sucked. That if look, if I can't have universal health care, at least the people robbing me are having a good time.
And just think about it this way. Yeah.
Like Chelsea Clinton, she's got probably some crazy foundations probably helping all these people. It doesn't really do anything for us hunter biden is just giving us laughs and content yeah constantly yeah absolutely yeah no that's the way to do it if you're going to be corrupt like look saddam hussein's sons except for like all the murder and stuff having like a fucking tiger that you make gold armor for and shit like that that's awesome that's so much cooler than the found a foundation for somebody with lupus or whatever the fuck that probably most of it's not even going it's mostly going to spend on like in the office yeah or like yeah you're just buying you know art and laundering money yeah exactly i want to see it just all out in the like hunter biden makes mistakes that like we would make totally and he's the president's son and he's not he's not on a secret pedophile island it's all out there yeah you know what i mean paying for transparency yeah yeah yeah the numbers it was like a million dollars in hookers in the last like five years he was just putting up like wilt chamberlain fuck yes dude that's so sick he'd be so fun to hang out with for one night like like that he should actually have there should be a cameo for hunter biden or people like hunter biden just like one night come party with me just chill with hunter yeah chill with hunter for a night i'll show you i can show you my world yeah when when joe's over dude when when joe's dead he might become that guy he might rent himself out as a party companion yeah we're going to get back to stavi in a second he's brought to you by pardon my cheesesteak that's right pardon my cheesesteak sponsoring the africa bowl billy's over in kenya uganda right now training with boys thanks to pardon my cheesesteak hold on to your taste receptors because we're introducing the stars of the show the chicken bacon ranch cheesesteak the irresistible chicken tenders and the monumental big cat combo i'm also going to say you can order yours uh billy's way which is when you get the sandwich and then you turn it over.
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Also available on Uber Eats. And now here's more Staviavi i want to talk about your special real quick so last time you're on you had a special on youtube that's right now we're on netflix what was that transition i mean is that like a no-brainer or were you actually thinking like well youtube was kind of sick because people could just watch it and you know it got to a lot of people yeah i mean it was i definitely thought about it because youtube i mean the internet like i said has been the best thing in the world i mean you guys know it like our whole careers our lives are hysterical because of the internet like i said from come town to like just literally crowd work like just posting clips and like and then my youtube channel too like tons of people find me from youtube and so i thought thought about it for sure, but it just came down to like, Netflix is the biggest streaming platform.
Like we forget about that because we made our shit on the internet and we're like, it's just, but it's like, there's so many other people to reach where it's like just some random regular motherfuckers that are watching suits. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, they're not on YouTube.
They're not like clicking off of like you know they're not going from like um see was jesus black you know what i mean like was they're not going to like you know they're not going to like conspiracy youtube over to like stand up you know they're just like watching you know they're sad the office is gone from netflix and they need something new to watch yeah it's like let's fucking let's expose myself to You know what I mean? How many of those people do you think turned it on? And they're like, what the fuck? Yeah. Hopefully a lot.
Yeah. I was watching the crown and then I got this recommended to me.
What just happened? Yeah. I love that idea of just people being like, what the, and they probably laughed.
I would love, yeah. Half were disgusted, half laughed.
And we take that half that laughed and then we fucking, you know, double it up, do the next one. But yeah, it's just sick.
I mean, it's also the thing of like, you know, I know you guys, I mean, not to bring up like fucking, I guess it's like, imagine if Barstool Van Talk hadn't failed. That's kind of a Netflix special, you know what I mean? Like imagine if like, and you guys were fucked for being too, like, I think it was too early, because I think if I tried to make a mainstream thing back then, like, that was cancel season, dude.
Right. I feel like now people are kind of over it.
Yes. You know what I mean? Like, if you guys wanted, in a heartbeat, you could have a fucking legacy TV show, but you realize, like, fuck it, we'll make it ourselves.
Who gives a fuck? We're in in a hilarious studio i don't have the fucking barstool resources you know right so it's cool to be with netflix where they have you know they've put out some of the best specials in the last 10 years or you know and like the the modern iteration of stand-up that's pretty much the major one yeah like so it was just a cool thing to do they were great to work with i was shocked like i was worried they'd be like censoring shit they didn't give up they were cool dude except for the fat little slut except for not being able to call it fat slut that little slut which you know i've tried to call two specials in a row and i don't think it'll ever happen have you heard from like people you went to high school with that didn't know that you were doing stand-up and they're like oh shit stavi's on my tv right now yeah yeah now it's not only them but like also like people and like relatives in Greece and shit I can't pretend I'm not successful anymore that's the hard part it's like now it's like fuck if there's some some expense in the village I gotta spring for it you know what I mean like I gotta fucking I gotta uh but yeah that's another thing it's like people just do like are just like, holy shit. To them it felt like, it feels real where it's like, you know, I've been out here for whatever, however long, since I was 19, whatever.
It's just been going good the last couple years. But yeah, there is something perception-wise where it's just like, you get on Netflix, you get on this like mainstream thing and people are just like, oh yeah, I guess you're a real comedian.
yeah have you thought about maybe janice sitting down on his couch and he opens up netflix and then boom there's stavi he's probably seen you dude he's in the special thanks janice adepticumbo is the last name of the special thanks for inspiring me to be a champion wait have have people tried to cancel you at any point? I don't think so

Yeah

I think so

It is kind of over

And also comedians

I also don't give a fuck

Right, comedians live in a world that it's nice that you guys be like

We're making people laugh

Yeah

That's the job

Totally

So we do say stuff that is like crazy

It's to laugh

Totally

You can opt in or opt out

Let's have a good time

Right

If you don't like it, great

I don't give a fuck

Fine, go away

I don't give a fuck

Just come to the show or don't

It does feel like the world has moved to that spot

And it's a lot nicer, where people are like, guess what? It's not for you. Don't listen to it.
Totally. Exactly.
So I don't know. I mean, they might still, whatever, who gives a fuck.
At the end of the day, it's like, that's why starting your own thing. I mean, that's why even when I first left Comptown, I was like, damn, I don't want to do a to do a podcast but then it did like a few months later kind of dawned on me like yeah it's good to just have your own thing no matter what like just again looking at you guys looking at everybody's done like their own internet thing even other comics it's like a podcast is just like this you get to connect with your fans like once a week whatever and it's like look at the day they cancel me be on Netflix or HBO.
You still have your podcast. I have my podcast.
I put my own shit out. And then I'll make my own.
Like Shane just fucking, Shane Gillis just made his own sitcom. Yeah.
Like filmed his own thing. And it's like, that's the thing.
At the end of the day, that's what's cool about comedy and having your own audience. That's why I'm so grateful for people that just directly go to my shit, go to my shows, to my shit it's like i'll just be able to make whatever the fuck i want it and shane is a perfect example where it's like he the snl thing happened that was kind of the height of the cancellation era and then he just made like a 10 million times funnier snl yeah it's like you guys exactly you know shane is almost like cancellation jesus, he died for all our sins, and now no one can get canceled anymore.
Yeah, that's true. Because it's like, go ahead, cancel me.
I guess I'll get more famous. You know what I mean? I have more fans, and people will like me even more.
He fucking defeated the nerd, the fucking tattletale nerds. Yeah, that one guy who tried to cancel him, I'm sure he just sits at home every day, and he's just like, I thought it would work i thought i've only made it more powerful i thought my life would be fulfilled tearing down someone else yeah yeah now that's a pipsqueak that's a pencil neck yes that's absolutely you do have like a very hardcore audience like your fans fucking love you yeah and with the clips that you put out i know you do a lot of crowd work um do people like do they start going to shows wearing stuff hoping like i hope stuff roasts me oh that's so funny somebody comes looking stupid as shit yeah um like people some people will yell out or like you can tell when somebody really wants to be a part of like they but it's like that's just not how it works right like you're not it's not going to be funny if you have some shitty joke that you've thought of, you know what I mean? So it's like, I try to avoid that.
And I just go, the magic is in someone who doesn't want to be talked to. The magic is in like someone who, who like even just doesn't really know why they're a friend of a friend.
Like you can kind of sniff it out and it's like, let's just have a real conversation. Let's like, let's get to know you or somebody who yells out their thing and they have something in their head, you know, they're like, uh, uh, Ron Jeremy, you know, like they've just been thinking about a thing I've heard 500 times and I, and then you let them bomb and then you're like, what's going on with you, man? Do you like your father? You know what I mean? Like, and then you're just like, why do you feel the need to yell out like that? You know? And it's like, you psychoanalyze them and shit.
And it's, it's it's the best i mean it's fun to just fuck around with people and uh and that's that's like only a little part of the show i only do like honestly if you come see me for an hour i'll do 10 maybe 15 minutes of crowd work just to kind of just to feel like you're not a robot like i always did that even before i put crowd work clips out i was like let's make this feel like a live show yeah it's different than every show you do exactly that's what's cool about stand-up is like every show is a little different yeah but yeah we we try and avoid that shit but there was one guy who came to a special taping dressed uh like in full tiger print and i thought he was fucking with me and i think he was just like a tech bro who just was trying like those fucking nerds get money and don't understand how to be cool yeah and so they just overdo it and i swear to god i didn't fuck with him for 20 minutes of the special taping because i thought he had a developmental disability like i was like there's no way oh grown man you know what i mean who's like here on his own would dress like this and then you know i figured out he wasn't yeah we've got uh we've got a guy sitting in this room on the in the booth right now that's going to do an hour of stand-up in vegas probably so hank is going to have to be a stand-up comedian full hour set in vegas do you have any tips for him first timer get up on station he's very nervous yeah he should be it's good it's going to be horrible it's like an hour is a long time bro that sucks dick Our idea was for him to just get up there and just be the world's first cover comedian And just tell everybody else's jokes Yeah, I thought he should do Carlos Mencia's set Right, right, right Ooh, double cover Yeah, double cover That's like Korean fried chicken where they fry it twice Yeah Hank steals twice Yeah, he's screwed No, Hank is so fucked an hour is so long where i think he needs to break it up with like uh you know we were talking a little bit outside stories are nice it eats up some time yeah you know uh a little he could do magic i've i if i had lost i would have i would have actually managed to do an entire magic set oh so so what's what that's just a lie stand up one man that's show. That's not a lie.
That's such a fun thing to say. It's a one man show.
Well, yeah, unfortunately I did beat you. I can't hear the boys.
It's a one man show and he can't do like questions from the audience. He can't do like a Q&A.
Like anything like that. Oh, one man show.
Yeah. Oh, you should make up like getting molested or something or something Hank You should make like a fucking bummer Bummer like a theater piece Surviving Barstool my edition Yeah Yeah yeah Yeah make up how these guys have abused you He should do his version of Nanette Yeah Hankette When was the first time How long were you doing stand up before you did 60 minutes Um A long time Like literally five years Probably before I did an hour Easily and even that was like tough I was like fuck this is gonna suck You gotta get up beforehand Hank You gotta do a couple sets somewhere else Yeah you gotta And it's gonna be so When you realize how fast it goes because you're gonna have this is what happens when everybody starts comedy it's like you think you have an hour easy and then you get on stage and it's like i don't have a minute two and a half minutes it's over yeah and it's over yeah wait hank you want to you want to try your material i don't have any no you know i i told you you did like 30 seconds of your bit i spent a little bit of time on fr Friday night just like looking at a piece of paper, starting to write ideas.
And like, there's not much about your Dave, your Dave Portnoy. I like that you're you like sit alone with yourself.
Yeah, there's nothing here. I got nothing.
I got I'm bombing for me. OK, Hank, I like callbacks.
That's the only, you know, stand up. I appreciate the stand ups that like, you know, Set something up And then come back to it 45 minutes later Okay That's a goal That's on the vision board Sounds like you have That means you have 10 seconds You have one joke And then you mention it 40 minutes later Alright No, he's got 10 seconds He says the first joke And then 10 seconds later He does a callback Yeah, yeah, yeah By the way.
First joke. By the way, I love that because it's like no – this is clear – Hank really is going through like the motions of being a new comic because that's like callbacks are like, you know, complete bullshit.
Yeah, you get the round of applause. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
To just get an applause break. A comic with too many callbacks really is – but one is good, but, you know, you don't want to overdo it.
I think, okay, let's go through the Star Wars Halky School of Stand-Up Comedy.

Sexual embarrassments, Hank.

You know what I mean?

That's good.

I do.

That's the other thing I realize.

I've kept the private life private, the dating life private the last three years.

That I can open up.

I think I can.

There's some stuff that I've wanted to say that's funny that I just haven't, but I think

that this is a good opportunity for that.

I think so.

That'll give me like a minute.

That's what? Alright, we're 59 down, alright I can do a song, so this is my other plan I get one song, so I want to get like 30 minutes, song, to break it up And then finish And maybe the last 30 minutes is just roasting my coworkers. You think you could do that for 30 minutes? No.
The Comedy Central roasts that were produced and had 10 of the funniest people in the world, those were one hour. And those were a lot of editing and a lot of writing went into it.
You think you could do half of that by yourself? He might just get mean. He might say the meanest stuff about all of that.
That would be awesome. I think if it's a one-man show, I think you're going about this the wrong way.
Be fake dramatic. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Do a magic trick. Do like, you know, what? You can learn a magic trick.
Yeah, but you'd be like, I was going to learn a fucking magic show. It was going to be terrible.
It was going to be the worst magic ever but i was gonna try to do it a dance number why not a dance number oh you should get some tap shoes yeah tap shoes that could be like like fucking uh the rockette shirley what the name shirley temple yeah you get a little oh do an orphan annie thing costume changes you know Oh, costume changes would be big. You know? Yeah.
Get a pole out there. Do some aerial work.
Oh, do an Orphan Annie thing. Costume changes.
Oh, costume changes would be big.

You know, yeah.

Get a pole out there, do some aerial work.

Ooh, that's good.

Yeah, dude, you're going about this the wrong way.

An hour of stand-ups, you're not going to be able to do that.

It's going to be crazy.

But you could do 15, maybe, of stand-up.

You should smash some fruit in Gallagher.

Oh, Gallagher style.

How many if you smash some shit? Oh, this is great.

This is great.

You've got to break it up into segments. You could probably do 15 minutes of just stand up, right? Not going to be great, but you could, if you, what you thought was going to go into that hour, you could do in 15.
Then we have the song. Let's say it's six minutes.
You know what I mean? Then we have a dance number. Then you have a dance number.
Then a magic trick. Magic.
And I know you said no questions from the audience, but what if he did like a- what if he did like- you know those fake people that pretended they were psychics? Yeah. What if Hank pretended to do like- what if he did like a 10-minute segment where he's like, it's with a D.
Somebody's mother with a D recently died. You know what I mean? That works.
Pretending to be a psychic. Yes.
There's a lot of like- you know why Cedric the Entertainer got his name Cedric the entertainer because he would book himself on shows where he did not have an hour and he was called the entertainer because he would like play the saxophone yeah he would sing he would dance we got hank the entertainer here dude we got hank the entertainer here what if you got what was that stupid instrument we all learned uh recorder the recorder you got a recorder did some hot cross buns oh i it. I was going to learn a song on the guitar.
If I can do multiple songs, that changes everything. Well, I think there should be one sing song where you sing.
Oh, you can get the whole crowd singing. And then one instrumental.
That could be fair. Yeah.
We could allow the crowd to sing a song together. Yeah.
Mr. Brightside or something.
I was thinking the A Star is Born song Yeah Tell me something Girl What about What about Hank What about like You should also think like NBA halftime stuff Like maybe we can get a dog Like those type of things Unicycle Yeah Bounce some fucking plates On a unicycle Yeah We do have the unicycle here Yeah But I can't fucking ride it Oh you can learn I tried yeah learn. I tried, yeah.
Get ready to learn unicycle, buddy. Yeah, dude.
You're going about this the wrong way. Yeah.
Donkey show. You get fucked in the ass by a horse.
That's the big closer. Tijuana donkey show.
Or if you want to do more tame, ping pong balls coming out of your ass. Yeah.
You could be wearing a kilt, and then you just go, and they come out of your ass. You don't have to show your ass, but they could pop out.

Drop this.

Yeah, dude.

That's a pardon my balls.

That's a good commercial for pardon my balls.

They come out of Hank's ass.

Oh, the lottery.

You do a lottery drawing out of Hank's ass?

Get up there, and you're like, I have one number in my ass.

And whoever guesses it in the audience gets their own lottery ball machine.

Gets the ball.

Yeah.

There's a lot here.

Dude, yeah.

All right, so 15 minutes to stand up and then build out the rest.

Yes.

I think that's fair.

Even if it's bad, it's going to be so bad.

It's going to be bad.

It's not even.

You don't have to say even.

Yes.

I agree.

I agree.

You're holding out hope.

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That's thefarmersdog.com slash PMT. And now here's more Stavi.
Should we talk about the Ravens? Let's do it. How are we feeling? We're feeling good.
I mean, look, I have to take, you know, you're of two minds,, right? You're the objective, like, I do think they're the best team in the AFC.

I think, like, I still believe

in Lamar. I still think the defense,

even though fucking Stafford

shredded us, it was fucking annoying.

Now, he did get a couple insane throws where

it's like, I was like, where did this come

from? Why is he good again?

Like, a couple of the touchdowns, that motherfucker

was off his back foot with

somebody who was coming at him clean and he got

a couple of those throws off. So you can't even

Thank you. from why is he good again like the two like a couple of touchdowns that motherfucker was off his back foot with the somebody was coming at him clean and he got a couple of those throws off so you can't even really be mad at the defense but objectively i still feel good but there is that fan like doomsday shit where it's like why are we the classic team that like you know the narrative of playing down to your opponent we're the classic can't step on throats like you've had a couple times where you've done it with the seahawks and lions yeah didn't though because when you blow a team out you there's never even that moment it's not stepping on their throat that's not taking the game over in the third quarter and being like fuck this you're you've been hanging around all game now we go up by three scores yeah that's we've been up by fucking there's it was never in doubt the browns game is the one that concerns me the most that was the old school ravens where it's like the ravens were up whatever two touchdowns and it's like this is this is the moment in third quarter if you score here the game's over and you let them back in then you lose but it's not just that game i mean the fucking steelers game the fucking the colts we lost.
Like, and I'm a little worried. I don't know, man.
It's, I don't want to, I don't want to say anything sacrilegious, but it's like to come out of a bye and to have some weird coaching moves. It's just like, I'm a little worried about my boy Johnny.
I don't know, dude. It's like, it's like we didn't, you should look fucking awesome after a bye when you've got such a sick team.
And I thought the way we handled the first half yesterday was weird. We didn't use our timeouts.
That challenge flag where it's like, dude, it's a fucking touchdown. What are we doing here? I mean, you have a sick arm.
Congratulations. There's a frustration.
That was fucking awesome. We always talk about how much we love it when a coach will – But that's the whole job.
It's not to be- We're the fucking- Yeah, a dumbass on the couch is like, fucking challenge it. Yeah.
And the coach must be like, no, it's a touchdown. Yeah.
They revert to their inner six-year-old where they try to unplug the PS2. Yes, yes, yes.
And they're just like, fuck this. It's not count.
They just say, nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.
That was not a touchdown. Bullshit.
Bullshit. That's a bullshit call.
We used to pause Madden when your friend was on a great drive. You're like, oh, my finger slipped.
Yeah, as he released it. Yeah, it's like, no, I need to collect my thoughts.
Sorry, dude. They are the best team in the AFC.
I mean, the Dolphins, we don't know about the Dolphins yet. You'll find out.
You get to play the Niners and Dolphins. I know.
Get to is an interesting way to phrase that, but yeah. You're right.
We'd rather find out now. The Ravens are in a weird position where they are actually on the field.
They're going to get to decide in the last month of the season both one seeds in the NFC and AFC. Holy shit.
If they beat the Niners and Dolphins, someone else is getting the one seed in the NFC and then the Ravens are going to get in the AFC. If they lose to both, it's going to be Dolphins and Niners.
Yeah. No, that's true.
Yeah, it runs through Baltimore, baby. That's right.
The whole fucking NFL runs through Baltimore, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think, I still believe in Lamar.
I think he's the fucking man. And I think we could have a really, because, here's what I'm telling myself, because it's always like, don't step on next.
They don't get up for the games that aren't, you know, like that Lions game was such a huge statement. Like everybody was talking about going into that week, everyone was like, now we find out about these teams.
And I think that's when they played awesome. So the same thing can be said with this Dolphins and the Niners games where it's like, all right, if you motherfuckers show up here, then I'm not scared.
Because that means, come playoff time, where the stakes are so high, you'll be ready to go. Now, does it scare me that we might have like a, if we don't get out of the, like the first round is when I would feel the worst about the Ravens in a weird way.
Yeah. Because it's like, what if they, Doomsday Scenario played Joe Flacco.
Well, I'm looking at it right now. Doomsday scenario play Flacco.
If the season ended today, you'd have the bye. We don't know what the Dolphins are going to do on Monday Night Football.
But right now, you'd have the bye. And then you would potentially play Flacco in the second round.
Hilarious. At home.
The prodigal son. That would be the hardest.
Joe Flacco revenge game. That would be brutal, dude.
That would be like, you know how the Klitschko's said they couldn't fight because their mom would be too sad? I would be the Klitschko's mom watching that where it's like Flacco versus the Ravens. I would be like, oh, don't hurt him.
Joe, please just throw a couple of picks for old time's sake for us. So I don't know.
And don't get me wrong. Again, the team is awesome.
I love the team. It's so cool to see.
Like the see like the defense just I thought they were gonna be solid but they've been playing out of their fucking minds and I think that I mean the pass rush is crazy the the secondary the secondary can scare me at times like that last drive you know we were we just kind of I would like to have one one more great fucking DB but whatever whatever, we can figure that out next year. But I do think this team has played fucking awesome.
I believe in Lamar. Things are lining up nice, especially if we get Andrews back.
That would be fucking crazy. But if we get him back for the playoffs, even though I like Likely, I think he's fucking good too.
But, yeah, dude, I'm all over the place because this team, the highs have been so high and the lows have been so low it's a classic it's a classic team that just doesn't let you enjoy anything yeah really and Lamar he's going through his like seasonal affective diarrhea that he has which I respect again I respect it's like right after Thanksgiving and the holidays eating a lot of greasy food he just absolutely he just takes like Tuesdays Wednesdays off every week yeah yeah just to shit himself yeah again Just to shit himself. Which, again, I like to see myself in my quarterback.

You know what I mean?

Shitting too much has affected my career a lot.

It happens every year.

It's like a week where it's like, hey, what's going on with Lamar?

Pepto is the MVP of my December, without question.

Oh, I said it after Thanksgiving. If I had died and they did a coronary autopsy, they'd be like, this man is 98% Pepto.
Yeah, dude. How is this possible? He doesn't have blood anymore.
And the Pepto shits are weird. Oh, yeah.
So they're green. Yeah.
I think you're dying. Or jet black sometimes.
Yeah. Jet black is tough.
Yeah. No, I take Pepto like multivitamins this time of year.
Every day I wake up and take a couple just to be safe. Just trying to trying to stay on path yeah that's that's like our only thing that we do as guys to monitor our health is we turn around we look in the toilet after we shit yeah that's that's how we know i'm currently the last month i'm dying yeah based on my ribbons out there it's like can i get a nice log can i know that i'm healthy like a horse i've got like three three packets of Zen in my shit.
I got to cut down the mix of corn kernels. Yeah, dude.
I'm not digesting these. It is sick.
I have to say it's incredible to watch Flacco, dude. Yeah.
It just feels right. He just, no matter what, his spiral is just so fucking good.
Well, that's what it is. It's like a girl you dated in college and you've drifted apart, you know? And it's like now we're in our 50s and I see her at a wedding.
And it's like, you know, she's a little worse for wear, the wrinkles or whatever. But that rack is still singing.
That's Flacco's spiral. It's like a great pair of titties that never sags no matter how fucking old flacco gets you could put him theoretically i think into his 50s if you if he's behind the best offensive line in the league i think he could play forever just fucking toss in those beautiful spirals and whether it's it's so it's so exciting too because it's like touchdown pi or the worst interception you've ever seen in your life, all three are in play every single time he drops back, and it just kills me it's for the fucking Browns.
Yeah. It fucking kills me to see on the fucking Browns.
And they don't even give him the – who wears five in the Browns? Who's got five? Why the fuck the disrespect giving Flacco 15? Yeah, he needs five. It's crazy.
It's true. Definitely not a retired number, right? Yeah, but it is true.
Flacco has that. When Flacco unleashes one, you're like, this is going to rock.
It's either going to be an awesome completion, an interception, or a hilarious ball that's like 15 yards past the receiver. Yeah, so it's somebody in the fucking stands.
Sometimes he throws it almost straight up in the air. Remember playing that game 500 with your friends? Yeah, yes, yes.
That's what Flacco does with his deep balls. Yes.
Throws it up to the sky. It's beautiful.
Okay, we talked about the numbers a little bit. Here's my, like, I'm starting to get a little bit of an old man take.
Yeah. My most Republican take where it's like the numbers have gotten out of control.
Yeah. We have to rein it back a little bit.
Like, there's too many cool numbers out there. You have to be, like, I think, first of all, the zeros, to be number zero, you have to be the best guy on your fucking team.
There's got to be a rule where it's like, to have a weird number, you have to be awesome. Pro Bowl.
I'm seeing too many fucking bench, Pro Bowl, absolutely. All pro, zero is all pro.
Yeah. And then I think you have to decide only one guy in each position groups gets a cool number.
Yeah. Because that way it pops.
If you see a zero, which the Ravens are a great example. Roquan has zero.
That's fucking awesome. Right? He deserves it.
But it's like, I want to see a couple 50s around him. Yeah.
I don't want to see fucking cool numbers. It's like, and we can't get to the point where kickers are in the 40s.
They're in the 60s. Yeah.
It's not fucking college. Let's show some fucking respect to the National Football League.
Yeah. When a wide receiver group doesn't have anyone in the 80s, you're like, this is wrong.
No. So wrong.
There should be a rule where it's like the NFL has to decide there has to be one. Two awesome receivers have to take 81 and 84 each year.
Two pro bowlers. One has to have 81.
One has to have 84. It's fucked up for not to be a cool 81 or 84.

Yeah. There's a whole

group of kids in America that are going to be like

10 and 11 are the coolest numbers for

wide receivers. What? Sucks, dude.

Your fattest receiver should wear 88.

Like a big guy.

Yeah.

I still liked when a

linebacker wearing 40

so he could technically be a fullback.

That was cool. That's the coolest that you get.

Or 30. That was always sick when the linebacker

at the end. liked when a linebacker wearing 40 so he could technically be a fullback.
That was cool. That's the coolest that you get.
Or 30.

That was always sick when a linebacker had 30.

But even like, it's getting out of control.

And like Clowney, I love

that he's fucking rejuvenated on the Ravens. He's

played fucking awesome. It's fucking

weird he's wearing 24. It is really strange.

It's fucking weird. You're right.
It does look like

college football. And I hate that.
And look,

I know you guys love college.

I'm a fucking pro football guy. That's

the football I like. You're right.
It does look like college football. And I hate that.
And look, I know you guys love college. I'm a fucking pro football guy.
That's the football I like. Fucking edge rushers need to be wearing 90s.
Or if you're really fucking cool, maybe a 50, right? Maybe you go LT with it or whatever the fuck. And if you're running back, single number, then you have to also return punts.
Yeah. That should be the one.
You have to be fast. You can't be a fat running back with a single number.
I was saying you should get into college football. It's the best.
It's just too much. I know, but it's – and listen, I'll pop into the big – I treat it like, you know, I watch all the big games.
I watch the – you know, I'm happy when there's high-level football on a Saturday. That's fucking sick.
Like, I liked rooting just on principle against Alabama. You know, the SEC championship was cool, but I can't commit to another.
It is a lot of time. I'm barely keeping it together between hoops.
I will say the NFL has burrowed back into my life. When we first met, I actually was not.
I was barely watching the NFL because of Lamar. How much I love Lamar has really gotten me fully back into the NFL like when I was a teenager yeah so it's I can see a world where I get into college all over the place but it's too much it's a lot of time it's a lot of time and I like I like cherry picking I like just watching the good ones yeah I mean yeah it's a bad one so yeah we're just like this isn't even football yeah the the fuck who is it Iowa that just has just a good punter.
Yeah, they had a thousand more punt yards than offensive yards. I mean, you have an illness.
That you're saying that with glee is crazy. It's so much fun to watch.
Watching a team like Iowa play football, it's so much fun because you're like, if they just keep it a one score game, they will get like a block or a punt return yeah and then they'll win the game and people will be so mad like how'd this happen again that's a team where everyone should have to wear a number in the 60s even the quarterback should have been wearing like 63 like duplicate numbers it's a great game to have on like a secondary tv it's a great side dish if that's your main course if you're an Iowa fan, you fucking hate it. Yeah.
And you hate that other people, you get embarrassed. Of course.
That other people are watching your team. You're like, please don't watch my team.
It affects me personally. Of course.
Let me put you on a new like old man yells at cloud thing. Please.
That we've noticed this year. Please.
Have you noticed the mouthpieces? Yes, I have. The dangly mouthpieces? It's so fucked up how old I'm getting where I'm like,'s not safe yeah like i'll just be watching a guy running i'm like oh watch out buddy i i think not only is it not safe i i think that if you look at digs or some of the guys that have like the the big mouthpieces that flop around that flops in their field of vision sometimes right when they're trying to catch a ball like you can't tell me that that doesn't affect you totally little totally totally and some guys this is where it's getting so so bad again yeah the two mouth one for show and one for go yeah that's fucked up there's a dude on georgia that had three mouthpieces he was wearing one he had one hanging from his face mask and then he had another one in his ear hole all right that is fucking awesome i do think the big ones are so but like dk wears one that's like almost like is this a fetish sex thing it's a pacifier it's like it's like what's going on here does he want a giant woman to just fucking cradle him and suck his dick while she's doing it like what's going on that's i'm like he's into something interesting i mean you mentioned basketball yes so uh oh by the way anthony walker uh linebackers five on on the browns that's bullshit get the fuck out of that's come on that's bullshit um how happy are you that yannis re-signed because i know that there was probably in the back of your head your guy sam morrell who's on the show was was doing some heavy recruiting i was with sam here.
Here's the thing. I like Milwaukee.
I love SMC City. It's fun.
But I would have loved if Giannis left. I would have loved if he was in.
I guess that's true. You're just rooting for Giannis.
I'm just rooting for Giannis. I have nothing to do with Milwaukee.
I was with Sam Drigg. You should have seen our text.
There's a couple days where it's like, I think it's happening, dude. You know what I mean? Where it's like, I think, you know, he's like i dm'd thanasis he said he gave me a winky face you know what i mean like you like the fucking dots he was connecting were so fucking funny and and the thing is thanasi i think he almost did sign with the knicks and that would have really gotten me going yeah i mean um but i dude i mean i'm happy that he's with dame i know they have some shit to figure out.
More than anything, what scares me about the Bucks is the coach. I just think, like, rookie coach, and then, you know, he chased off, fuck, the old, the Blazers coach, Terry Stotts.
He was supposed to be, like, his main assistant, which I always love when a new coach has, like, a guy who's done it before. And just to kind of, he, they left in a shouting match it's scary it's a little scary especially because fucking I don't know I hate to say that Boston's good but it's funny when they're it seems like their whole team is kind of without Porzingis they kind of fall apart which is hilarious to think about um but I'm happy for him I think it's cool just to have two awesome guys on the same team no matter what.
Even if you would say it would be more sound to have kept Drew just because of the defense, Dame and Giannis are fucking awesome. Yeah.
Sports at the end of the day is like rooting for sick shit. Yes.
It's rooting for cool shit that you've never seen happen. Cool shit, dude.
The cool shit fucking ceiling is sky high with Dame and Giannis on the same fucking team in the playoffs. Are you kidding me? Like two clutch motherfuckers with completely different skill sets.
It's going to be awesome. That's why, I mean, back to the last time I was on here when we were like, I was worried Lamar was going to leave.
I was like, just fucking pay him because I want to root for Lamar. I don't fucking, even if we don't win, all the Sundays of fun that I get with the fucking crazy spin moves that that's what it's all about.
And that's why it's like, yeah, fuck it. I don't care if the Bucs, like, I don't care, like, if analytically it was not the right thing or some people claim it's not.
I'm still not convinced. It's fucking awesome.
Those guys fucking rule. I was also just so happy because it's always great when, like, a city like Milwaukee sticks it to Miami.
Totally. And, like, a New York.
A win for fat people again. Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys don't get everything.

Yes, yes, yes.

And it's also not, we're not living in like 30 years ago where, yes, if he was in New

York, he would probably be a bigger star.

But I'm convinced that like with the way pro sports have gone, like Instagram has changed

the game.

You can hook up with anyone anywhere.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like a lot of it was like, oh, I want to be in a big city market because I want to be

a star and have all these women. Of course.
You're fine now you're fine dude you fly them out no problem you're near a hub you're near a delta hub probably um the other thing that's the other thing though it's probably been good for janice because i've said this again two of the most powerful cheating energies is greek and african and he's been a family man he's a family he's a family man you put him in new York that that you know all that time in Athens might take over the Greek what I mean he might have to fucking cheat on his wife what is it about the Greeks that make him a cheating it's a cheating culture is it just the guys or the guys and the girls um that's a great point I think it's I'm more familiar with the guy you know know, the classic just like, it's just like, you know, men thinking they're like, the patriarchy is very strong. You know what I mean? And it's like, it's just like, oh yeah, you can get a little pussy on the side and still be a good dad and husband.
He's blowing off some steam. Come on.
Guys need a break too. Guys need a break.
Put on your, you know, go get a silk shirt, button it all the way, you know, button it down four buttons, get the gold out. You the gold out you know what i mean get a little on your own vacation well you're not gonna get head on the sneak on vacation i guess i'm not gonna go to the beach either on vacation get the fuck out of here i paid for this i deserve to blow off some steam i work i work hard i work fucking hard barely managing a diner i deserve some pussy i'm a really shitty contractor i deserve to cheat yeah i could be on the phone three times a week with cisco they brought over the frozen calamari i get i get some strange absolutely i know you talk about your dad and your stand-up has he ever said anything like hey what the fuck no not really really i think you know he said a couple you know he's been like come on you know he's like you know everybody thinks he's made like veiled illusions where he won't just be like he's like yeah and you you get to say whatever you want about me you know what i mean like he'll he'll say some shit like that but it's like all right man well you know this in a weird way that did make our family like my dad my the problems i've had with my father in a weird way have turned around to like they sort of provide for our family because they turned into bits right that like got me noticed and that like made me have a ton of money that now it's like all right somebody has a problem in the family because you cheated yeah we can cover medical bills you're enabling him yeah He's like, all right, somebody has a problem in the family because you cheated.
Yeah. We can cover medical bills.
You're enabling him. Yeah.
Yeah. He's like, oh, I'm a great dad after all.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. It's come back around and he's an awesome dad again.
Yeah. You're lucky that I cheated.
Yeah. No, we're getting it going, man.
I'm going to hang out with my dad again. He seems, you know, we're getting, you don't want to take too much fucking, I don't know.
You don't want to hold too many grudges too long. Well, I would imagine too, like talking about it, it's like you're, you're almost like having the conversation you don't want to have with him.
Right. It's out there.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
So it's like, we didn't have the uncomfortable, like, Hey dad. Right.
You never have to have it in person. Do it on stage.
He watches it. And then we can go, we can literally go have calamari at his friends yeah at his friend's diner you never have to like address it head on like men should never do exactly got a problem with someone you just i love that actually hank if you have any issues with your father now's the that hour get him out there dude you know what i mean like there's you know oh yeah i mean your stand-up is so fucking funny thank you brother appreciate it have you been just traveling everywhere that's the one thing I don't does it ever get old where like when we had Sam on who you're very close friends with he was like I'm addicted to stand up so it's like Sam has a real problem I mean we all do it's different but it's like there's a lot of comedians who don't want to be with their thoughts for even one second right and so you're constantly thinking up bitch you're constantly doing this shit and uh it does get too much and i was i think i probably i think i probably kicked the uh i kicked the addiction to pure stand-up and i was just like let me just get i just wanted to have a netflix i want to have like one a big special on like a on a like mainstream platform and I'm ready to chill, dude.
Right. I'm ready to just, cause it does get, you know, you get fucking bored of just like hotels and shit all the time and never being home.
And like, I've probably been home in the last two years, I've been away from my house much more than I've been in my house cumulatively. It's not even close.
I've probably been home like 10 days straight like five times.

Right.

Like it's fucking crazy.

That's crazy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's always been like a little like going around, but, you know, whatever.

I can't.

At the end of the day, it's like I don't want a real fucking job.

And I can't complain because this happened because I got lucky and got successful the

last couple of years.

And so it's like, you know, that feeling of like, what if this goes away? Like that's really why I've been on the road non-stop where I'm like this could go away tomorrow yeah and so I gotta fuck it and people are buying tickets I think there's like some post-covid shit happening where everyone likes to be and I think comedy's in an interesting place where the experience is pretty good compared to a lot of other live shit look football's great going to football games sucks yes it's so much better in your house same thing with concerts i'm old now dude i'm not going to stand around for four fucking hours i need to sit down if i'm going anywhere out and so it's like i don't think people are going to see live music as much they're not or they they are but it's like comedy is just like look sit down have a nice time laugh it is it's a good it. It's a really good, and technology is making football and concerts and shit less appealing,

whereas technology makes it so that you get to find out about stand-ups,

and then it'll never take over the live experience.

Right.

Because a stand-up show is, again, every show is different, everything's special,

especially if you fuck with the crowd even a little bit, you at least feel like you've affected. And even if a comedian doesn't do any crowd work, the energy of that crowd affects every show.
Right. So it's like this cool thing where I think we got really lucky as an art form.
It's like people find us and then they come see us and it's better live. The other thing that I think comedy has going for it, and I'm obviously very much guilty of this, but going to a comedy show, unlike a concert or a sports game, you can't take out your phone right so you really just sit there and you like are in the moment for one hour and like we are all just slaves to our phone and so having that like restriction where they walk up and down they're like no phone it's like this is actually kind of nice yeah yeah yeah for one for what yeah just put put away your instagram and just listen to a man talk about his little penis for one hour.
It is what you brought up, though, about it all going away. That is why I love your comedy and love you as a friend, too, because it's like it is.
There are certain people who you can tell they probably take it for granted, but you don't. No, dude.
And, like, I mean, we have the same moments where, like, probably three times a week I'm like, this is my fucking life. Dude, this is incredible.
Like when I when I like my kids are like, are you going to work? And they're like, what are you going to do at work? I'm like, I'm going to watch football. I can't help you with your fucking homework.
I have a fucking three leg parlay that's about to hit. My job is to watch TV.
I'm going to go to work. What the fuck? I'm going to watch football for six hours.
Then I'm going to play a little bit of basketball.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I got a golf simulator.

Yeah, yeah.

I can't come to the recital.

Me and Uncle Jerry might lose $50,000 today.

And it'll be funny for people to watch us lose it.

Oh, I had that moment on Saturday with Army-Navy.

I explained my son is starting to get interested in sports.

And he was like, Army-Navy was on. He's like, which team are we rooting for? And And I had the over and I was like, no, no, no.
We're rooting for whoever has the ball. How old is he? Six, four and a half.
Four and a half. He'll just ask the colors.
He understands the concept of the over and four and a half. He always says like, are we rooting for the blue team or the white team? I was like, whoever has the ball, we're rooting for now.
That's our favorite team team you have warped that child's understanding of

competition so much well listen i i've said many times on record like three kids i got one in three shot here i want one of the kids to just get smart enough at math that they can make me a gambling a system that's it that would be my goal like they one day they come and they're like hey dad check this out and i go to their computer it's an xl4 right and they're like look at this and they're like, I back tested it, it's 54%.

Thank you.

The proudest moment of my life. Taking over the family business.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Improving it a lot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the best.
Barely losing. Yeah.
It's like, wow. Find a way for me to barely lose.
That's beautiful. Yeah, he's going to be playing kickball.
Yeah. He's going to be like taking the under in fucking recess.
He's like, no, no, no, no, no. Catch that, catch that, catch that.
That would be fucking awesome. You're going to think he's maybe like a participation trophy kid because he's rooting for the other team.
Yeah. He just thinks that sports is about everybody scoring all the time.
He's like, no, I got five Laffy Taffys on the over. Make me proud.
Make me proud. When is the first time? What was the wager you ever placed it was the first the first bet I ever won was when I was 12 years old on a family vacation in Key West Florida I won $100 on a turtle race and that was it that was it I was like I got $100 for this and from that moment on I was like.
Wow. Imagine the fucking, the alternate universe where you lost.

Yeah.

And you're just some fucking guy.

I probably would have just been staying at the bar and chasing it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, but that was the moment where it all clicked.

I was like, that was fucking fun.

I fucking won because a turtle went a little bit faster than the other slow ass turtles.

That's awesome.

Have you ever seen the turtle races?

They're amazing.

No.

They dump a bunch of turtles out in a circle.

And then the first one to make it to the outside

of the circle.

It's the best.

So you just sit there screaming at turtles.

That sounds fun.

Yeah, and I got a crisp $100 bill, and I was like, this is incredible.

A hundo back then is serious.

Oh, dude.

That's awesome.

The absolute best.

That's a new copy of Madden.

Yeah.

A couple fucking cheesesteaks.

You know what I mean?

Whatever you want.

Whatever you want. 100 goes a long way.
Got to the movies a little bit. Yeah.
Beautiful, dude. All right.
So what's next? I'll do the last question. Roback question.
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Roback has it-b-a-c-k.com use promo code take uh 20 off your first purchase so what's what's that what's the next year is it just travel travel travel or is there like something big on the horizon no bro i'm fucking taking some time like i've i feel like the last every time i've been here i've talked about how i'm gonna take some time off yeah you're you're just like us there's no but it's happening it's the worst feeling in life is to be the guy and this happens to me all the time where i'm like just gotta get through this week yes dude it's been bad for two years yeah yeah every week i'm like what the fuck i swear i swear to you i will be like i'm not touring for a lot of next year like i'm pushing it way to the end of next year i am actually taking some time off i did a movie uh called let's start a cult that hopefully we're trying to get into some festivals i wrote it with some buddies i was in it so i'm trying to you know trying to be hollywood halkis a little bit trying to act a little bit um but honestly i'm just trying to chill and like be a human being like living i haven't lived i love new york great city i know you guys just abandoned us but it was fun and it's like I want to actually live there. Yeah.
So I'm just going to try and chill, you know, Stavvy's world still. I'm really proud of the special, and that kind of, the way those work, they kind of bounce around for like, you know, six months, people discover it.
And so I'm just going to like put my feet up, hang out, chill out, try and get slightly less fat where I don't have to worry about dying every time I take a bunch of drugs. It's tough when you have an awesome night and you're like, I got fucked up.
I ate fucking ribs. Maybe I took a dick pill or two.
And then you're after a beautiful night. You're just laying in your bed.
You're like, damn, I hope I wake up tomorrow. My chest hurts.
I'm fucking breathing. My heart rate is up and i'm just relaxing in theory so trying to get slightly less fat and yeah dude i'm just gonna chill go to some fucking nicks games go to some ravens games i'm trying to get to i'm trying to i'm thinking about going to the dolphins game just even though it's better to be at your house it's like i feel like i need to just one of these games and i've been on the road every other game so i might get there so yeah dude just just chilling the fuck out i'm sure that will like re-energize your material too just being like a normal well that's the other thing it's like yeah you can't really i even felt like at the end of this year i was just doing a little too much about traveling and about and it's like that's not what being a human being it right and there's so many i am so stunted in so many other ways that it'd be nice to fill it in a little bit you know what i mean like not just be a guy who goes around does stand up and shit you know what i mean like be have some fucking life experiences and just yeah hopefully come back the next year with a an even better special because i actually like took some time and like yeah you know one find material? Where do you discover? I would say just take a year off, Hank.
No problem. No problem.
I was going to say no golf. What if we could make a Faustian bargain where it's like no golf, but you'll have the best hour of comedy ever? Would you do it? No.
Damn, it's an ever, bro. It's only an hour.
I can bomb for an hour. What about some golf trick shots in your hour? Yeah, that I can do.
It would be funny if you had the bombs at the trick shots. That'd be funny.
Yeah, but not even having the Start blasting balls in the audience. Yeah.
Not having the stand-up mic, but having the headset mic like you're a preacher. Yeah.
That's good. Yeah, yeah.
Walking around. Preacher Janet Jackson even.
Yeah. You should fabricate a story about your lurid affair with the lady from the airport video.
Oh, fabricate. Oh, fabricate.
Okay. okay all right you should talk in detail about about what happened he's having true events that would be hank's kiss and tell where you just get real graphics kiss and tell with every sexual experience you've ever had yeah but like insanely yeah real great talk about like you know pubes and ingrown hairs and shit like that.

Just gross everyone out.

I believe in you, Hank.

I think Hank, whatever he does, it's going to be funny for us.

You might be just sweating your ass up on stage, but I will have a great time.

I just have to hit Variety, Hank, because it will not be.

Even for you guys, it would run out in like 10 minutes if he's just bombing for an hour yeah are you gonna be are you gonna be at the super bowl if the ravens are there i'll i will but if not all right so if you're at the super bowl maybe we'll get stopped i'd love the minutes opening i'd love if i'm there i would love to be what about what are these fuckers well no they'll do it too but like salve will open maybe mc the night or i love to. Because then people would be like, oh, we're actually going to see.
And it would be very funny to see you do like a tight 20. Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah. Hours.
What are we watching? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you ever like equate your stand-up to like how many laughs you're trying to get in an hour? I was like, if I can get like one or two laughs, like that'll be good.
You'll get one or two in an hour? I'm sorry. Yeah.
We talk about laughs per minute. Well, I'm saying for you, obviously, a pro, you're looking for a pro.
Do you have a number in mind? Or is that like... Just a...
I mean, I guess if I really had to ballpark it, I think of the average of two a minute. Oh.
Oh, that's a lot of laughs. That's a lot of laughs.
All right, so we'll go like five laughs. Have you ever like watched Friends and there's a laugh every like five seconds? Yeah.
That's insane. No, I mean, it is if you really start thinking about like how to tighten your shit up.
Like I was worried about that on this special. I was like, I want this shit because I tell a story in it too.
And I'm like, even the story, I need to have like parts where there's laughter. You know, like I don't like I get real nervous when there's no laughter.
But yeah, dude, you'll be all right, Hank. Just honestly, if it's 60 minutes and you have like i don't like i get real nervous when there's no laughter um but yeah dude you'll be all right hank just honestly if it's if it's 60 minutes and you have like if you have like fucking eight segments you'll be fine you know what i mean you got this all right that's good that's a good good planning yeah all right well stavi it's always great having you on boys you gotta come we're gonna have to convince you to do like a full week here i will i definitely when you're when you're taking time off how about this when it's actually when it's like because the summer here is out of control yeah so nice i'll be back in the summer for at least a week yeah to hang out do your own pod you can hang out with us do some pods we'll get in shape yep work out a squat rack over over there yes the uh basketball court i'm in i will definitely be back in the summer for sure okay hell yeah i love it it.
Appreciate you, fellas. Thank you, guys.
You're the best. Go ever go watch Fat Rascal on Netflix.
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Use code PMT for your first month free when you go to bluechew.com. And now here's Jadenden daniels and now for something completely different okay we now welcome on a very special guest for one question with the quarterback it is heisman trophy winner jayden daniels uh first of all congratulations incredible incredible season uh i'm sure that it's it's been a whirlwind uh so we're gonna do one question I'll start um my question for you Jaden is you win the Heisman and then you know how the internet works people pulling receipts from uh you know maybe when you transfer from Arizona State how satisfying was it to be like people had it wrong when they thought the you know like I was making a mistake or that I that I wasn't good.
Cause that had to have been an all time, all time. Like, what are you going to say now? I just won the Heisman.
Um, I'll say, you know, I ain't gonna lie. It was pretty satisfying.
Um, you know, everybody that doubted me, um, from Arizona state, you know, it was just, you know, I'm happy that, uh, you know, I proved them wrong at the end of the day. Yeah.
Yeah. It's got to be great.
My question is about the Heisman Trophy itself. First of all, it's really heavy.
So I'm just curious to know how you've been taking it around. Like, did you take it out to dinner with you that night? Did you take it on a plane? What was the process like bringing the actual trophy around around so i didn't take it out to dinner with me at night but i lay i slept it i slept with it in the bed it slept right next to me um when we came back i had it on the plane in his own seat so it's heavy so you know you can't walk too far with your arms will start getting tired yeah did you buckle it in on the seat next to you no it was it was sitting right there i love it i love it all right jake why don't you ask your question hey jade and jake marsh part of my take podcast congratulations on winning the heisman my question has to do with your pre-game meal at one point you went with subway sandwiches but now it's been reported that you go with an omelet and two waffles.
How did that come to be, and can we expect that tradition to continue or maybe change once you go to the next level? Good question, Jake. Thank you.
I don't know. That's a good question.
I don't know. I just ain't feel – I don't like eating too heavy.
So, like, an omelet is cool, and then we got some fire waffles here at LSU. So, usually I just grab two waffles.
I don't want to be grabbing, like, four or five. I feel too heavy.
Two waffles is actually the perfect amount. If I were, like, a scout or an NFL GM, and I asked a prospective quarterback, like, how many waffles do you eat before a game? If you say you eat two waffles, you're sky skyrocketing up my big board right now if you say one waffle that's candy ass i don't want that i want two waffles it's facts that's facts all right max what do you got uh hey jaden this is max part of my take podcast um this question is something we do for all college athletes that come on the show.
I'll name a list of random cities throughout the United States,

just completely random cities,

and you're going to tell me which one is your favorite.

I'm going to start with Washington, D.C., New York City, Boston,

Atlanta, and Las Vegas.

Las Vegas.

The random cities. Las Vegas.
Oh, okay. Interesting.
Very interesting. Mark Davis doesn't really waffles.
He's more P.F. Chang's guy.
But, again, this was random. This was totally random, the cities we just listed.
All right, memes, you got a question? How far can you throw a football? Oh, good question. Good question.
That was a great question. I think probably over 70.
Whoa. Whoa.
Hey, now. On a good day.
Hey, now. This isn't a question.
It's more just a question. What was the farthest you've thrown in the game? I don't even know.

That's a good question.

Good question, though.

But it wasn't a question.

If I could throw a football 70 yards, I would just, like,

go outside and just throw things all the time just to see how far they go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hank, do you have a question?

Yeah, Jaden.

Henry Lockett, part of my take.

How you doing?

Congrats on the high.

That's your question.

How you doing?

What's on the pregame playlist for a Heisman winner? What are you listening to before a big game? Good question. Honestly, I listen to some young boy, little baby, Drake, and Rod Wave.
You know, two to get me hyped up and two to kind of just, like, calm me back down as I get closer. Yeah.
Yeah. All right.
Do you have a question for us? Who do y'all, on y'all bets, who do y'all put to win the Belinda call? Ooh. Marvin Harrison Jr.
Marvin Harrison Jr. Definitely Marvin Harrison Jr.
I have nothing but respect for Marvin Harrison Jr. And his father.
Oh, no. I actually did Malik Neighbors.
I don't know if you know him. I don't.
I try to play. I go watch him turn on his tape.
Yeah, yeah. Wait, this isn't a question either, but when you were putting up eight touchdowns against Georgia State, that was like a video game.
Yeah, it was. That seemed like the funnest time ever.
You were just in the zone. Yeah, football was fun at the end of the day.
Yeah. Also, this isn't a question, but if any of us in this room, maybe me, went to the University of Wisconsin and wanted to see their team win on New Year's Day, would they have to beat Jaden Daniels, PFT? Hypothetically? Yeah.
I think if I were jayden daniels i would probably get ready to go to the next level yeah i probably want to prepare i probably want to spend some time you know working on the details maybe go out uh to a training camp where i specifically work on the 40 time yeah all that stuff to prepare you for the nfl combine jayden hypothetically if you were jayden daniels um what would what would happen in the bowl game hypothetically, if you were Jaden Daniels, what would happen in the bowl game, hypothetically?

I would just say, you know, he's still going to have to beat an LSU team with Jaden Daniels. Oh, no.
We're going to see. Oh, no.
I got another question, but it's not for you, Jaden. It's for Big Cat.
Big Cat jayden daniels and uh brian kelly invited you on a recruiting visit and he made you stand in that circular thing yeah where he did a little dance how hard would you have to try not to laugh while that picture was being taken i would i it would be it would be hard for me not to laugh what about what about you jayden if you were jayden daniels um yeah i'll be laughing i wouldn't lie i would be laughing most definitely hands down yeah but the other thing is you know with the whole wisconsin thing you know it's just tbd you know okay tbd hypothetically yeah tbd hypothetically to be determined if jayden daniels uh if i was him to step foot out there probably against Wisconsin or not, so it's TBD. It's TBD, hypothetically speaking, of course, because you're not Jaden Daniels, but you're speaking hypothetically if you were Jaden Daniels.
I am. Yeah.
Well, Jaden, congrats again, man. Unbelievable.
I mean, we love LSU and the whole fan base. It's so much fun to watch.
I mean, you're a legend now forever there. Like, that's got to feel knowing that, you know, you're going to have a career in the NFL.
It's going to go great. But, like, you have, like, a home in LSU, and all these fans will always, like, welcome you as a Heisman winner.
It's got to be a pretty cool feeling. You know, most definitely it is.
Just being up there, you know, how many greats came through LSU. So, you know, i'm happy to be a part of one yeah did joe reach out to you joe burrow did he yeah he did he did i thought i talked to joe a couple times yeah he's pretty damn good yeah pretty damn good pretty damn good um all right well thank you so much jayden uh congrats on the heisman and if you happen to see jayden Daniels around uh the campus just let him know that you know you don't have to play in the bowl game people will remember the Heisman the bowl game doesn't even matter like no one no one cares you get the nice gift bag yeah I'll let him I'll let him know once I once I see him if I run into him okay all right perfect yeah just let him know like no one was gonna judge you if you sit out of the ball.
In fact, if you see Jaden Daniels, you should tell Jaden Daniels that the, one of the biggest sports podcasts will actually commend Jaden Daniels move to not play

against Wisconsin in the bowl game. I'll let him know.
Okay. All right.
Perfect. Perfect.
All right.

Thanks so much, Jaden. Appreciate it, man.
Thank you guys.

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Great show, by the way, boys. Heisman Trophy winner, Fat Rascal.
A little bit of everything. Soundboard.
Soundboard. Shohei.
DeVito. Football.
Hey. Fucking talking to me? I'm Tommy DeVito.
I'm the Packerslayer. Bears should actually sign Tommy DeVito.
Every team should be so lucky to sign Tommy DeVito. Are those new glasses, by the way? They're old glasses.
I didn't just notice that found them in my car you're kind of in your uh like late 60s las vegas vibe i think it might be the facial hair too i've got um i've received several very alarming responses from people regarding my facial hair fuck them um well their response is like are you okay no fuck them or like trying to figure out if there's something wrong with it. We support our boys here.

My facial hair is so bad right now that I'm turning people into Hugh Laurie from House.

Trying to like figure out what mystery diagnosis I've got going on. Listen, if you're face bald like me, once every year and a half, you got to try a heat check.

See if maybe the facial hair grew in while you were shaving.

Yeah.

I don't think I'm at that point just yet.

Don't let them get to you. Oh, it's not getting to me.
time i'm 60 i'm gonna have a sick beard yeah all right hank guys on chicks guys on chicks question thought this would be a good one with christmas coming i'm an engineer and i live in utah you'll see why this fact is important okay and all of my co-workers are men i have no idea what to get them for christmas like i don't want it to be weird but also need something sort of general because they vary in age i moved from the midwest and my go-to was always coffee which definitely would have been stella blue this year or funny socks the problem here is a ton of them are mormon and can't drink coffee and also don't think slightly inappropriate jokes are funny at all help okay so engineer mormon engine gifts for engineer mormon men engineer mormon guys uh fleshlight i was gonna say um actually i was gonna say funny socks milk funny i feel like funny socks is right up the alley of a mormon this is tough name one wacky thing about you well i really like i like fun socks yeah this is tough um let's see cash cash roback a roback gift card actually would be great because that's my the biggest thing is when you're buying a gift for someone that you don't really know so well you got to give them an option for an. So if you get them a gift card, they get to decide what they want.
Whereas if you get them something like socks or something, like, I don't even wear socks. So you got to give them the out.
Aren't gift cards like massive scams? No, I don't think so. Like 70% of card money doesn't get spent? Yeah, people forget.
I've done my fair share of not spending gift cards. For sure.
I think Jeff Bezos owes me $500 with all the Amazon. Yeah.
I haven't spent. Let's see.
Ice cream. Get him.
Ice cream. Ice cream.
Ice cream. Ice cream always plays.
Yeah. Get him some ice cream.
Maybe like an ice cream. An ice cream.
I would just say going back to Roback, it sounds like you're in quarter zip central. Oh.

Just Q-Zips.

Good point.

Guy can never have enough Q-Zips.

Yeah.

All those joggers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But keep it simple.

Don't go crazy.

Give them the option to buy something.

That's what you got to do.

Hey, fellas.

This may be a silly question, but a boy I really liked messaged me at two in the morning saying

he heard a song when he was out at the bars, and it made him think of me.

He didn't ask me to come over or anything else you'd expect at 2 a.m., and he's

All right. I really liked messaged me at two in the morning saying he heard a song when he's out at the bars and it made him think of me he didn't ask me to come over or anything else you'd expect at 2am and he's also never really been forward with expressing any feelings towards me but the message kind of made me wonder god I sound like a teenager I think it we need to know what's the song yeah here's here's here's the good news for this uh woman um if you didn't text back right away or maybe you text back right away um just know that he did jerk off thinking about you like 10 minutes later yeah that's literally what that text was he was trying he was like 2 a.m i'm gonna take my shot i'm kind of not i'm not feeling myself enough to really take my shot but yeah he was you don't get a 2 a.m text it's not a that's a horny text i think it does matter what song it was though if it was back that ass up like yeah uh from the window to the wall yeah that would be an issue um if it was oh i'm still dancing on my own that would have been sad he's a freshman herb pipe yeah maybe he wants you to have a word um it it definitely depends on what it was.
It's basically the equivalent of like,

what if we kiss tonight?

But if he's out at the bars texting at 2 a.m.

I don't think he was at the bars.

I think he was home with his pants around his ankles.

All right.

Yeah.

And he definitely regretted sending that to you like 30 minutes after he sent it.

30 minutes.

Well, it could be an hour.

Yeah.

Two hours.

We last long.

I said to my boyfriend,

I can't believe winter begins next week, and we

got into our annual seasons debate.

Every year, he claims the calendar is

obsolete. Yep.
His seasonal calendar

is fall runs from college football starting

until the first Big Ten snow game.

Winter starts then, and spring

begins when the NCAA tournament starts,

and summer starts the day after the Stanley

Cup final ends. This guy's kind of right.

Do all men disregard the calendar and judge

seasons based on sports? Yeah, the fact that wintertime starts on December 22nd, December 21st, is bullshit. Winter starts the day after Thanksgiving.
I was going to say winter, I actually disagree. I think winter starts the day after January 1st.
You don't think December's winter? No, because it's festive. No, December's winter.
But it's something to look forward to. Winter is like when it sucks.
That's all of January. Like, December's a fun time because, you know, you got holiday parties.
You can get drunk at any time. Like, when I think winter, I think January 2nd to March Madness.
That's like when it sucks. Right after the final four.
No, not Christmas. The beginning of March Mad madness is spring i think that christmas is a winter holiday it is winter wonderland yeah it is it is but it doesn't winter doesn't suck when they're holidays in front of you no but it's still winter right but it feels different like january winter and december winter are two totally different pieces i agree with that yeah one's fun maybe it's winter yeah fun winter.
Yeah, bad winter. All right.
January and February, it's basically like, let's get through this. That's hibernation time.
Right, exactly. Whereas Thanksgiving to Christmas and New Year's is a fun stretch where it's like, we can get drunk at any time and be like, we're just festive right now.
I think it's... So fall does start the minute college football kicks off.
People like to say like, oh yeah, it's actually whatever, like the of september no that's not true it's labor day labor day is fall and then i think fun winter is thanksgiving to chris or january 1st bad winter is january 2nd to the conference championship week yeah and then it's spring from conference championship week to the NBA semifinals.

I would say that summer starts when the Pittsburgh Pirates are eliminated from playoff contention.

I'd say Memorial Day.

So Memorial Day weekend, yeah.

Yeah.

But fun winter is like I don't – December never bothers me.

It could be cold in December.

I'm like, who cares?

Like we're festive.

It's fun.

Football's on all the time.

It's when football starts to – when you get to the conference championship week and there's only two games and you're like, wait, I have to deal with this weather all week and then there's only two games at the end of it? You know what the worst is? The worst is the Christmas commercials that start before Thanksgiving. Yeah.
Let Thanksgiving exist on its own. Thanksgiving happens.
It deserves all the accolades. It deserves its moment in the sun.
It deserves the score bug on the bottom of the screen with the cornucopia, the leaves falling, the fruits, the meats, all that stuff. And then after you can start with Macy's commercials.
A buddy of mine has a genius idea that we should absolutely adopt. He calls it the two Christmas system where you have religious Christmas on December 25th and then Santa Christmas on January 25th.
Okay. So you get two Christmases.
And it's basically a second Thanksgiving in the end of January. Listen, I'm all for more holidays.
Like you go to church on December 25th or the night before, and then on the January one, it's like no religion involved. You're just doing gifts and just pretending that Christmas is still around.
Yeah. I also like Donnie's concept of Jaloon being the best month of the year.
That's June 15th to July 15th. I like that.
It's solid. I like that a lot.
That's a solid stretch. That's a really solid stretch.
We'll end it with this one. A little tie back to everything.
Oh. Hi, Cowboy Fan Hank.
Loser Max in the Hunt Big Cat PFT and pft and mr positions my boyfriend hasn't stopped walking around the house for the last two weeks screaming tommy devito and holding his fingers up to the air and we've had chicken cutlets seven times in the last yes at what point should i be worried this okay this is guys being dudes yeah and and and what i'd say is this is no different than linsanity for Asian people. This is Tommy DeVito is Linsanity for Italians.
It is, Max. You know it is.
Like, they have their moment in the sun. Italians get this moment.
It will peter out. We'll probably have a point where we'll reach maximum Tommy DeVito.
He's got to lose two games in a row. Yeah.
And also, like. It'll be a 30 for 30 about Tommy DeVito in five years.
It's going to be awesome. Yeah.
and like when when Tommy DeVito. He's going to lose two games in a row.
Yeah. And also like.
It'll be a 30 for 30 about Tommy DeVito in five years. It's going to be awesome.
Yeah. And like when Tommy DeVito's dad is like doing cameo and like pitching a bunch of stuff, everyone will be like, okay.
Can I just make a request to everybody out there? I know that some people in the media listen to this podcast. Let's not dig too deep into Tommy DeVito's family no just let something fun happen yeah and let's just all agree this is a fun thing let's not ruin it for anybody not all italians are in the mob if that's what you're that's not no what you're trying actually max that's not at all what i was trying to say i think that's what you were trying to say no i was trying to say let's not try to find anything like publicly embarrassing or maybe Maybe they said some stuff a at a party 15 years ago let's just not find out what tommy devito's dad thinks yeah let's just in general let's let the entire vito family exist only as something that we see on our television yes and appreciate their nuances and all that cutlets in football let's keep it straight and you know let's keep it right there.
That's the wheelhouse that everyone, it's a fun story. Let's not ruin it.
That's actually a little bit of self-hatred on your part, Max, thinking I was talking about the mob because I wasn't. Well, you were thinking of something negative.
I was just saying, all Italians are. We do this with everybody.
We do this. We find somebody and we love it.
We love the story. And then there's a reporter out there that's like, I want to know more about everything that's happened there.
Although I will say it will be fucking awesome and very funny to watch when Tommy DeVito introduces Trump at a rally. Yes.
That's going to rule. That is going to rule.
That will be awesome. I'm all for that.
I think we should Uber eat some chicken cutlets for football Sunday. Yes.
That sounds good. Yeah, we haven't had chicken cutlets in a while.
ESPN needs to figure out what the fuck a chicken cutlet. Oh my God, that was horrendous.
It looked like a deep fried rack of ribs. Yeah.
It was bad. Yeah, it looked like deep fried chicken.
That's not chicken cutlets. Yeah, chicken cutlets pounded flat.
Yeah. Figure it out, ESPN.
Abomination.

All right.

Good show, boys.

Numbers...

18.

40.

71.

20.

3.

Pug?

56.

Pug.

Love that from you, Pug.

What was yours, PFT?

I'm taking 8.

What was yours, Hank?

40.

15. DeVito.
DeVito. Our paisan.
Fuck yes. He's running the numbers game.
Oh, that's awesome. I mean, it's destiny.
I hope he plays in the NFL for 15 years. What a fucking guy.
Me too. Tommy DeVito.
He's family. Love you guys.
He's our guy. Max, you definitely have text messages with your family being like, you see this Italian? This little Italian boy.
This nice Italian boy. It's tough that he's on the Giants.
Yeah, but this nice Italian boy. I will say last night I was watching the game, and they kept showing all the tailgate stuff.
I put a little bit of sauce on the stove and then heated up some ciabatta. Oh, okay.
Yeah, just a little dunk. Just a little dunk.
I wanted to feel like I was at home with Sunday dinner. I think it's like Max is to Tommy DeVito as Stavi is to Flacco.
Yeah. Like, you love Jalen Hurts, but Tommy would be nice.

I like Tommy, but he's on the Giants and we got to kill him

and we got to kill him two out of the next four weeks.

Yeah, but he might kill you.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Be real shame.

Real shame.

Love you guys. Thank you.
To find you Shine away I'll be coming for your love of cake Shine away I'll be coming for your love of cake We let's sing All the sentence About being stumbling away Southern the bones of cake Take on me you Thank you. You're not too long You're not too long Things that say it isn't love Just play my worrying way You're all the things I've got to remember You're shying away I'll be coming for you anyway He's shying away I'll be coming for you anyway Take on me Take on me Take me Take take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, Take me off Take me off Take me off Take me off Take me off Take me off Take me off Take me off Take on me.
Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.