NFL Week 3, Fastest 2 Minutes, Dolphins Drop 70, The Bears Are The Worst Team In The NFL & A Special Monday Reading

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, NFL Week 3, we're going to talk about every single game from Sunday. We had some shocking upsets.
The Dolphins put a 70-burger up there. The Bears still suck.
We are going to do fastest two minutes. We have who's back of the week.
And I also have a Monday reading. I forgot to tell you guys.
We have a Monday reading. So packed Monday show for us.
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Okay, let's go. Boys! Boys! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all of the sun Oh It's part of my take presented by Marshall Sports.
Welcome to part of my take Presenting by Barstool Sports Welcome to part of my take

Today is Monday, September 25th

Week 3

What? What?

What? What? What?

Eric, I'm straight

Get him

Eric, sleeping with the B enemy

We'll be right back. Eric's arms.
Now, go. Now, get him.
It is Eric football time. Eric's sleeping with the B enemy.
We start in the Great White North where Keenan Tim Allen showed that the Vikings needed a little home improvement as he was wearing a wire mic'd up, showing his teammates the white lines but never touching them himself. You smell a rat, Teej? The rat is the rat and departed.
The game ended on the goal line as Kirk let 15 seconds tick off, starting mass confusion as his coach screamed from the sidelines, hey Kirk, hey Kirk, you spiked that, you spiked that. If you look up into the sky tonight, you can see Brandon Staley's comment, a flash of brilliance that will burn out and never be seen again.
The Chargers, the San Diego Super Chargers, have finally won a football game, 28-24. San Diego Super Chargers.
I love their powder blues, you know that. In a rainy Cleveland, Deshaun Watson finally had his head in the game playing without a chub.
Speaking of Deshaun, he's a regular guy who spent all his time thinking about the Jerome and Empire as he fouled Ford for two touchdowns. Dr.
Tana Jill Biden needs a shot in the arm as the Titans' offense was sleepy as Joe at 1 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon. Did someone say ice cream? Prouds, 27.
The Titans, 3. Up the road to Detroit and whatever affliction Marcus Mariota had last year, Dez caught it.
As in, Ritter looked sick. Not in a good way, but a bad way.
Like he was ill. Again, not in a good way, but a bad way.
Jared looked a goffle lot like Michael Vick after he beat the shit out of the underdogs and flashed his legs running for a score. The Lions are back in the win column as Sam Laporta potty wasn't taking any shit, catching a steady stream as the ref said, you're in the end zone.
Lions 20, Falcons 6. Up to Rouse on Maryland where AJ Epineza Scrooge played like a boss and kept all the points for himself.
Bills fans once again found themselves high on LSD. Loving Stephon Diggs, that is.
As he ripped off 111 yards against the commander's defense, Joey, why don't you slide, had the crowd going goo-goo as he cut the lead to 34 and avoided the shutout late in the fourth quarter.

And in a touching tribute to D.C. politicians,

these Washington commanders vehemently disagreed with the bill and shut down.

Hey, Teej.

Yeah, Boom?

No one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.

Bill's 37.

Commander's 3.

We have some guests in the room.

Let's kick it over to memes.

We head to New Jersey in a rainy MetLife Stadium

where fans were losing their teeth and Zach Wilson was yelling,

I'm soaking over here.

Zach Will-ass was dying hard and Mac D.U.I. Jones

was struggling to put a drive together.

Zach Wilson-Smith got bitch slapped by Matthew.

You don't know who you're messing with for a safety.

Big Mac Jones hit sauce right in the McNuggets,

and Randall, corn on the cob, had too much butter on his hands,

and the wind slipped away.

Patriots 15, Jets 10.

Oh, let's get the other side of that.

All right, boom.

We head to the Jettolands, where it was a foggy, rainy day day and there wasn't a light in sight to help any of the lost travelers home. A damn shame, Boom.
On to the game. Crack Jones smoked the Jets' defense for well over 200 yards, passing in one touchdown.
Michael Sean Carter got yelled at by the Jets' coaches on the sideline after telling them that as far as our QB is concerned, it's time to go on to the next one, on to the next one. Zach Wilson was going three and out, three and out, three and out.
Got sacked in the end zone because his receivers can't run a route. And for the 13th consecutive time, the Pats go marching 15-10.
Thanks. Thanks, Booms.
Thanks, Booms. Thanks, Booms.
Sticking with the AFC East where Devon Achenham Lincoln addressed the Broncos with four scores. It felt like this game took seven years.
This just in, Boom. The Dolphins just scored again.
Sean Satan spent the afternoon in hell wishing he could go back to Colin Coward's casting couch. Boom.
Another Dolphins touchdown has hit the second tower. Mike McDaniel put two of his fingers up in the air, the middle ones, as the Broncos famously never interviewed him for a job, and he put up a 70-burger.
Boom, you're not going to believe this. Another Dolphins touchdown has just been scored.
The Dolphins, 70. Huh? Huh? The Dolphins? Huh? Broncos, 20.
The Dolpho's 70 points! In Baltimore, where Savage Gardner Minshew will be your dream, will be your wish, will be your fantasy, starting quarterback as he hit up his countrymate Zach Kate Moss who got skinny running up in the middle for a score. Justin Waistband Tucker made Ravens fans put away their boners as he didn't have enough length to score.
In overtime, the Colts channeled their inner Miley Cyrus, saying, I can tackle Zee Flowers. I can grab his face mask with my hand.
But Matt Gay pressed pause on the Ravens' undefeated season. Colts, 42.

The Ravens.

19.

Over to Kansas City.

Where all of the dramatic things.

Taylor Swift is in the box.

She's in Donna Kelsey's box.

The Bears suck and the Chiefs clown them.

But the real story was Taylor Swift showing up to the game.

Great news for us. We have Patrick Mahomes on the field to tell us about this dramatic moment.
Yeah, thanks, Boob. You know, the Chiefs are in the last great American dynasty.
Travis used to be just a little kid with glasses in his twin-size bed, and look at him now. You know, I'm a big Calvin Harris fan, but I don't want to DJ more than Travis.
As for draft night, when the Bears didn't take me, I remember it all too well. I was never good at telling jokes, but as the punchline goes, I get older, but my wide receivers stay the same age.
I love our coaching staff over here on the Chicago sidelines. I just like to hear old Virginia McCaskey say, it's me.
I'm the problem. It's me.
I heard Justin Fields press conference about his coaches.

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

I mean, what you made me drew tranquil to the Bears.

It was enchanting to beat you.

It was hot out there, but shade never made anyone less Willie Gay.

By the way, I'd like to remind Taylor Swift to watch her language in Miss Kelsey's box.

Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh!

You need to calm down.

You're being too loud, Taylor.

Chiefs 41, Bears 10. Standing on the corner, Jameis Winston down in Nola, such a fine sight to see.
It's Derek, my lord, and his shoulders looking sore, and the Saints finally have a real QB. Come on, Jameis.
Your training's heinous. But you're a Hall of Fame QB.
It can't contain this. Packers 18.
Saints, don't go marching. 17.
And that is week three, fastest two minutes. Rated T for team.
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Okay, week three in the books. Weird Sunday.
Yeah, weird's one way to put it. Weird.
It was fun. There were some fun parts of this NFL Sunday.
They were fun parts, but there were also some games that were complete laughers and didn't really have any, like, there was games that were over so quickly. But let's start.
Let's go through every game. I just want to say for the record we're starting off by saying like a weird sunday i still love you nfl oh yeah no no no that wasn't it was a bad day watching nfl is better than the best day ever watching pickleball no offense jake again i blame the i blame the schedule makers because they the nine games early in the three games late when the three games are late yes the the cowboys cardinals game which we'll get to was like, that was a huge upset.
But then when one of the three games early and the three games late when the three games are late. Yes.
The Cowboys Cardinals game,

which we'll get to was like,

that was a huge upset.

But then when one of the three games is a complete laugher,

it,

it,

it definitely like gives you a little,

you're like,

wait,

I feel like I got robbed a little bit.

It was second,

second part of the day.

It was like a lot of the national games,

the national televised games were bad today.

Right.

But yes,

still,

still some incredible moments that we have to talk to some record moments.

Let's start with probably the most fun early game that was close.

Chargers 28, Vikings 24.

The Chargers have a win.

The Chargers have won a game.

They tried to lose it, but they won a game.

And the Vikings are now, we talked about it all last year, 11-1 in one-score games. They're now 0-3 in one-score games to start the season.
Brandon Staley, I actually liked his call. So for people who missed it, the Chargers had the ball on their own 20 with like fourth and inches to basically, if they get a first down, the game's over.
They went for it. I like going for it.
I hated the play call, but almost gave the Vikings a chance to win. The Vikings just forgot that they could spike the ball, and in first and goal at the sixth with 25 seconds left, we're just all over the place.
Kirk Cousins throws an interception, which wasn't a terrible, terrible pass. It's just they had time, and they acted like they didn't have time.
They they acted like they had too much time yeah and uh has done that before by the way right towards the end of game his his like brain will melt down real quick or at the end of a half he's done a few times too where he doesn't want to spike the ball right it's it's like a wasted spike it's like he looks at that as like okay it's an incomplete pass not a thing that you want to do at the end of the game at the end of a half's like, I think this is the third or fourth time I've seen him just forget that he's allowed to spike the ball. Yeah, you had 25 seconds left.
You're probably not going to get all four plays off anyway. So spike the ball.
Get yourself together. Instead, they're rushing around.
They weren't really rushing around. They were kind of like, it's fine.
We're going to just play this out. And you get the interception.
The the chargers win a game their defense actually was very good at the end of the game because they stopped the vikings on the previous drive at goal line to get them to that spot so yeah good for brandon saley felt like if he had lost this game his seat would have been so fucking scorching hot he might not have been on the airplane on the way home i i actually think it was the wrong call even though like i think it was the wrong call if they had made it i think it was the wrong call uh obviously after they missed it but because they won the game um that people aren't paying like that close attention to that play call and and how i think it was like that would obviously have gotten fired i think that would have been like the final nail in his coffin they'd start out on three did that i think i i think they should think about firing him anyway even though they won this game i'm serious like that it was they tried to give away the game the end of this game was like the chargers and the vikings both competing against each other to see who could be the falcons i who could like have the win probability dip the most it was like turnover turnover turnover the reason why they won the game was because the vikings uh defensive back tipped an interception into the Chargers receivers' hands to get in for a touchdown. Like the one bad pass Justin Herbert threw all game because he was phenomenal.
He was really good. Yeah.
So the reason why I think it was the correct call, bad play call, first of all, the easy thing to do is just do what Tom Brady, what Jalen Hurts, all these guys. If you have an inch fucking push it forward you have Justin Herbert he's a big fucking dude if he can just fall forward you can get an inch I don't know why every team has not adopted that it makes no sense or just re-sign Darren Sproles and have Justin Herbert throw him over the line of scrimmage they they also had uh their running back in the fullback position which basically was a tell to the Vikings like we know exactly what're going to do.
And then even if you don't want to do the push it forward, the chargers could get any yards they wanted the entire day. I would have been fine with them rolling out and being like, Hey, Keenan Allen, you have 18 catches.
Here's a 19th. They can't guard you.
Yeah. Like that was, it was so easy for them to move the ball that I, that like the, the, they decided to then run the one play that was never going to work with the play call and the, and the decision to go for it.
Those kinds of, I like going for, they go hand in hand, I think. And I don't like it.
I don't like it at all. I, I, I think if, if they had gone for it, I still would have been like brand silly and they had made it.
I've been like, you're, you're a psycho. This is psycho shit that you're doing the game right there.
But again, I with Brandon Staley being a psycho, doing psycho shit, if he does it all the time. All the time.
But he's like flipping the switch. I think they also were thinking that the Vikings have been able to move the ball just as easily, that no matter what, if we give them the ball back, they're probably going to score.
They obviously didn't there. But this game was up and down.
Like, Kirk Cousins didn't play that bad. Their defense is just that bad.
Keenan Allen, like I said, had 18 catches, 215 yards, and a 49-yard touchdown pass. He is the first player ever in NFL history to have three games over 15 catches.
He also broke the record for most catches and a touchdown pass. So he had 18 catches and a touchdown pass.
the previous record was jerry rice and tariq cohen remember him both had 12 catches in a touchdown pass in a game so he shattered it by six catches he was unstoppable he was like could not be guarded it was awesome to watch it was just all offense and it the over ended up not hitting because of stupid turnovers in the red zone but the chargers won a game the chargers Chargers aren't dead. They're not dead at all.
Yeah. And yeah, Herbert played awesome.
He was incredible. If you're the Jets, you got to at least make a call about Kirk Cousins right now.
I know they probably won't do it, but you have to ask the question. I think that they would get, I think the Vikings would get a fifth round pick, a fourth round pick maybe for Kirk Cousins in a midseason trade in the final year of his contract what when his vikings fans have to admit like they're right now you're rebuilding i think they're they're ready for it they're ready for something new what um what what what week is the trade deadline is it eight week eight i'm not sure so i mean if the vikings like you got to play it out a little bit more because oh and three yeah oh and three is bad but you also have lost all three games by one score.
It's essentially what we said all last year. The luck has bounced back against the Vikings where they can't close out these games.
So keep going and hope that you rattle off a few wins. I'm going to take a second.
Halloween at 4 p.m. Halloween? Halloween, okay.
Between 8 and 9. Spooky.
All right, so Memes, as a Jets fan, would you like Kirk Cousins on your team for the rest of this year? Yes. Okay.
Sources close to the New York Jets have told part of my take that they're interested in exploring a trade for Kirk Cousins. Jake, put that report out tomorrow.
Look, the Vikings play the Panthers next week. They have the Chiefs at home, which will be a tough game.
Then they play the Bears. So they easily should be two and four, if not three and three.
Easily. You don't think they'll beat the Panthers? No, it was Zach Wilson.
And no game is easy with Zach Wilson. Oh, sorry.
Is Hank? My bad, my bad. Vikings, Vikings, Vikings.
We were talking about the Jets. We were talking about the Jets.
You know what's happening right now? Hank's drunk off a win. He's back into old Hank.
Holy shit. That came out of nowhere.
The Zach Wilson talk. That threw me off.
It popped up for it easily. Yeah, no, I would agree that the Jets would not easily beat the Panthers with Zach Wilson.
My bad. My bad.
A little bit of trouble navigating this conversation. It seems like the funny.
You could use a beacon to bring you home here just wait yeah oh okay you just wait you just wait buddy what are you talking about hang we'll get there oh okay sounds like you want to talk about something no all right you always do uh either way i think the vikings they have to wait and see how bad it gets before they potentially trade kirk cousins but i do agree with you like you got to think about it. The other part is the Jets, which we'll get to, they might be so bad that it's not even worth trading for Kirk Cousins.
Yeah. They're losing some bad teams.
Yeah. But yeah, congrats to the Chargers.
The Chargers have won a game. I mean, I have to stress it again.
Justin Herbert was insane. 40 to 47, 405 yards.
I also have a fun stat from Stat Hole Sports. 479 and 479 is the Chargers record as a team franchise.
All right. And Justin Herbert, including the playoffs, is 27 and 27.
That's perfect. Perfectly Chargers all the way around.
He also wrote an article last week that said that the chargers were actually named after credit cards. Ooh.
Like they weren't named after a bolt of lightning. They weren't named after.
Bolt man's a fraud. Electricity.
He said that the owners came up with the name to like to coincide with the new trend of people using credit cards. Huh.
Trying to make it seem like we're the team from the future. I might have gotten got by that, but that's what he the article it feels like it sounds like it yeah but that's okay because i thought it was just like lightning is there a lot of lightning in san diego i don't know the f-22s yeah would you know that if you saw it actually i just fucked that up because it's the f-35 oh no i corrected myself oh All right.
Next game. Almost a record-breaking game.
The Dolphins 70, the Broncos 20. The Dolphins had 726 yards, which is more yards than the Titans have through three games.
That's almost a half mile. Almost a half mile.
It would take max six minutes to run as far as the dolphins did on offense today they they they had 10 uh yards per play the dolphins ran 71 plays and scored 70 points it was insane to watch they also i saw the stat that after this game they have the six fastest uh ball carriers in a game so far this season it's basically just uh devon or sorry yeah devon a chain and tyree kale back and forth so what's crazy is they did all this today without jalen waddle yes it's insane and a chain is just not fair like the dolphins you thought they had everything he got hurtseason. He didn't play week one.
I think he played a little last week.

He is so fucking fast.

And the Dolphins just every, they were doing everything. They had, Tua did, Tua I think went the first 20 passes without an incompletion.

He threw a shovel pass, right-handed pass for a touchdown.

It was as much of a clowning as you could imagine.

Like it was just, it was, we were laughing about it every time they scored a touchdown. Yeah, we put the game back on so we could see if they could get to 70.
Mike White had a higher QBR than Tua. We need to figure out what the different levels are because it's a 50-burger.
I think we call it a 60-lobster. Lobster, yeah.
A 70, I don't know. It's just a clowning.
A seven enchilada. I mean, it's crazy.
70 points. So they were, credit to Mike McDaniel.
No, I know what you're going to say. I disagree with you.
Mike McDaniel should have kicked the field goal at the end of the game. That's chicken shit by McDaniel.
I get you want karma on your side. You believe in karma.
You want to be a classy guy, a class act. He should have kicked a field goal to score 73 points.
Bullshit that is. It's more disrespectful to the Broncos that they just took a knee and said, okay, you guys take the ball.
No, I was saying more just credit. People were actually saying credit to him for being the classy guy.
They scored 70 points. Yeah.
Well, they were running the ball. They were all 70-yard touchdowns.
It's not their fault. You can't do anything about that.
It was crazy. It was a wild display of offense.
If you're a Colorado fan in general, if you're a football fan from Colorado, you might as well have not even had a weekend. What was the cumulative score? Your weekend was way worse than whatever work week you had.
Cumulative score, that's a good question. I'm not sure.
Cumulative score. But man, that's bad.
Colorado State won, though. Okay, there you go.
So you got that going for you. 112-26.
112-26. To Colorado football in general.
So the Dolphins had the second most yards ever, third most points ever, so if they'd kicked a field goal, I think they would have tied the record. It was also, we should have known this going in, but it was like a revenge game like six different ways because you had Vic Fangio, revenge against the Broncos.
Former ball boy, Mike McDaniel. Mike McDaniel, who was not interviewed for the job when they had a head coaching opening.
When he was the ball boy, he had that sweet earring that he was rocking? Yeah. And I went into a little bit of a rabbit hole.
I would like to hear from Broncos fans if they do, in fact, hate this guy, Joe Ellis, who was the president and CEO of the Broncos for many, many years. He apparently had a falling out with Mike Shanahan.
Mike Shanahan was going to maybe even come back after the failed. Who is their coach who sucked so bad? McDaniel? No, for two years.
Van Choseph. Van Choseph, who's now back.
Yeah, having time in his life. Van Choseph, who's back now as their defensive coordinator.
So he had a falling out with the Shanahans. So he didn't bring Mike shanahan back he didn't interview kyle shanahan and there's a theory might not be true they didn't give mike mcdaniel an interview because he was associated with the shanahans as well so essentially this guy joe ellis's grudge for many many years has stopped the broncos from being a functional organization uh whatever the since they last won a super bowl with Peyton.
It's so funny that billion-dollar organizations in one of the most expensive leagues, one of the most expensive enterprises in the world can still hold these types of grudges and not interview a guy because he's friends with my former friend that I don't like anymore. Right.
It's like at the end of the day, these decisions have like hundreds of millions of dollars at stake it's like no you know what that guy he's a fake friend i don't want the

drama with him we're not gonna hire him i i read an article i think it was by uh woody page who in

2018 so when they were about to it was i think after the first year of vance joseph joseph

they were thinking about firing him john elway and mike shanahan had a dinner and they basically

figured out a contract and it was ready to go and And then this guy stepped in and was like, absolutely not. We're not bringing the Shanahan's back.
I can't work with that guy. Yeah.
Yeah. So and again, it might not be they might not have thought Mike McDaniel is ready for a head coaching job.
Clearly he is. But and they also had the element of they were trying to get Nathaniel Hackett to then get Aaron Rodgers, which didn't work out.
But this revenge, like it was like a 17-way revenge game that just blew up in the Broncos' face. I got a question for you guys.
Do you think that the Broncos owe Nathaniel Hackett an apology? Yes. I think they might.
Two and one. I think they might.
Two and one. He was two and one.
He was 2-1. And this Broncos team looks so bad.

So bad.

Like, this was an ass-kicking of historic proportions.

It really was.

The only team that's had more yards than the Dolphins had today was in 1951, the Rams against the Yanks.

Who could forget?

Who could forget?

Yeah, Jerome Adams for Kier.

Yeah, no, Sean Payton is in hell. He's getting testy with reporters.
He had a moment where he just kept on saying, what's the question? What's the question? Because the reporter was just listing off how historic this loss was. It was the worst loss in his coaching career.
And he kept Russell in until the end of the game, which I think he wants to bench. I think he might because he doesn't like Russ's shit he's been very open about that him keeping Russell Wilson in at the end of the game was sending a message to him like I really don't care if you get injured yeah and he like Sean Payton realistically will be the Broncos head coach for a very long time that's what he's planning Russell Wilson will not will not be the quarterback for a very long time.
So he doesn't have any affiliation, any ties, any loyalty to Russell Wilson. But obviously this game was way more about the Broncos defense, which is horrendous.
Horrendous, horrendous, horrendous. And the Dolphins offense.
And the Dolphins love Tua. Like every guy on that team.
I love him. Absolutely loved Tua's a leader.
They're, like, hanging around with him on the sidelines the entire time, like, talking to each other, laughing, making jokes, even when they're in the huddle, when they're celebrating touchdowns in a conga line together. They fucking love Tua.
So I think I'm in on Tua. I don't know.
Still, MVP, it's going to be tough. We don't know how historically bad this Broncos defense is because giving up 70 to the Dolphins is bad.
Giving up 35 to the Commanders is also awful. And maybe giving up 17 to the Raiders.
Yes. That could have been a bad.
Historically bad defense for the Denver Broncos with those three teams. But Tua is right now the favorite to win the MVP.
I know it's only through three weeks. But this Dolphins offense, and we were joking about it, like what can stop them? The only two things that come to my mind are injuries, which you never want to see happen, and cold weather.
You just have to, if you're a team in the AFC, you got to be like, hopefully it gets so cold that they can't do this because what they're doing right now does not look like anything like their speed is so shocking and again no jalen waddle like it is so shocking to watch them run up and down the field for mike mcdaniel to just scheme everything up it's crazy that was it was crazy to watch yeah it was it was a very very fun game to check out their juggernaut my question i want to get ahead of the takes on this one you might see this on undisputed this week are the dolphins

having too much fun they look like they're having too much fun playing football football is supposed

to be a tough sport supposed to be violent you're supposed to be angry and pissed off they look

happy on the sidelines they look like they're having a good time they're going to buffalo next

week we'll see so we'll find out let's play whose line is revenge of the snowballs yeah snowballs which obviously has bothered you yet.

Jake,

you also got,

you know,

you know,

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you know,

you know,

you know,

you know,

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you know,

you know,

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you know,

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you know,

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you know,

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you know,

you know, you know, you know, you also got a score, Gami, in this game. 70 to 20.
Are you all in on this Dolphins team? All in. Never been more excited about a team.
There's so much fun to watch. It's crazy.
Like, I'm not used to this. It's like watching like a September Power 5 team versus a pay game.
You know, when they bring someone in and it's just scoring, scoring. It's like watching a September Power 5 team versus a pay game.
When they bring someone in and it's just scoring, scoring. It's like watching back when Oklahoma was humming and Oklahoma would play like Tulsa in September every year and they would put up 70 and it would just be touchdown, touchdown, touchdown.
That's happening in the NFL. It makes no sense.
So it's in Buffalo. It's the early game, right? Yeah.
What's the weather? I mean, October 1st, it can't be anything crazy. I'm going to check the weather.
The lake. Watch it be crazy.
Watch it be crazy. No, couldn't be less crazy.
We're looking at high of 75 and sunny. No, you're right.
That's actually the perfect. Yeah, Dolphins schedule, by the way.
They're not going to have many cold weather games. At Baltimore on New Year's Eve, at Washington December 3rd will be cold, and at the Jets on Black Friday.
Okay. Bills minus one.
Yeah, I think Hank's right. Jimmy G is hurt.
I think Hank's on the move on that one. Or is it Stidham? We just heard Jerry.
Oh, Hoyer, let's go. Okay.
That's why he keeps the helmet on. Brian Hoyer, always ready.
Keeping that helmet going. We will update this game, by the way, at the end.
Jake, I agree with Hank. Minus one.
Do you have the line? I'm going to say, no, I'm going to say Bills minus two and a half. The line is Bills minus two and a half.

Okay.

They still.

That's basically pick them but home.

Yeah.

The Bills are still.

That feels like.

Because if it got to Dolphins plus three, people would bet the Dolphins.

So I feel like it's just going to stay in this zone.

What's the over under?

53 and a half.

Over.

I think that's kind of low, right?

Over. 50 what? 53 and a half.
Chargers 53.5. Over.
I think that's kind of low, right? Over.

50 what?

53.5.

Chargers Vikings was 54.5.

Don't overreact.

I'm not going to, but I'm going to bet the alternate over at 80.

Easily.

That's easily going to happen.

Yeah.

Every prop.

I've had a doubt in my mind.

Every prop over.

That'll be 56, 55 by the time this comes out, I think. Wow, so we move lines.
Yeah. Yeah.
There you go. Watching this game, if you're like Roger Goodell watching this game, you're like, yes, this is the future of my league.
I want every team to catch up to Dolphins and play no defense whatsoever. Yes.
And then just get 70s on 70s. Wait, who's Sunday Night Football next week? Chiefs Jets come on move that game this is the week five preseason that's like game that's like one of the best games on the schedule but material change never played each other material change he's a coward crazy material change god damn it that would have ruled at least we should protest at.
We can. We can.
That'll be. That's going to be fun to watch memes.
Yeah. I have to get another haircut.
Okay. Next up.
Packers 18, Saints 17. I might have got ahead of myself when I said Jordan loves stinks.
I still think he's not good, but he did have an incredible fourth quarter and come back dropping dimes using his legs. It was the biggest Packers comeback win since the NFC championship against the seal.
No, they lost that game. Seahawks.
Oh, yeah. Idiot week one 2018 when Khalil Mack and the Bears.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, when Rodgers got hurt, and then he got the painkillers and had a spontaneous Southern accent after the game.
Yeah, I'm at the point in my life where I just, every corner I turn is just an insult stat. Like, I wasn't even looking for this, but I was just reading about it, and I was like, oh, fuck, there it is.
Yeah, that was quite a night. Jameis got in, which is good.
Jameis did get in. We got to see James.

He looked comfortable out there.

Jameis.

Did he have an interception?

Jameis, as far as I'm concerned, led them to a game-winning drive.

It's the fucking kicker, Blake Group.

Blake Groupie?

Groupie.

Groupie was from Notre Dame.

I put a little asterisk next to his name in the preseason

because I was like, we might have another Blake on our hands.

We got somebody to keep an eye on.

This dude.

No.

No, you got to.

Come on.

You ruined Jameis' big moment.

You really- next to his name in the preseason because i was like that we might have another blake on our hands we got we got somebody to keep an eye on this dude no no you gotta come on you ruined jamis's big moment you ruined jamis for us and so you're on our shit list yes but the packers jordan love deserves a ton of credit that was a very nice fourth quarter comeback blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah but yeah i i timed that perfectly where i was like jordan love's not that good again i don't think he he slips a a lot. Well, so he's got like, I don't know if this is cleats.
This is my coping. You know what? He can't really walk.
Did you see that throw when he tried to go downfield and he ended up doing the splits? Yes. He slips a lot.
He's got bad balance. He's like a little baby deer learning to walk for the first time on ice.
Not really worried about him. Can't walk.
Yeah. Maybe if he learns to walk, then he can run.
But yeah. Also, Matt LaFleur, credit to him.
Math guy. Went for two, down 14 late in the game.
Worked out. Ended up winning him the game because he got it on the first try.
Kicked an extra point second time one by one. I think it's a good sign, though, that the first sign that Derek Carr had an injury.
They didn't put Taysom Hill in the game. They went straight to Jameis.
Yes. They know who the number two QB is.
Taysom Hill isn't the backup quarterback. He's like the backup Swiss Army knife that will do anything and not anything like really spectacularly.
But he's the guy that you put in if you're just mad at an opposing linebacker and you want to run into his face. Yes.
Jameis is a quarterback. Jameis is a pocket passer.
You're going to put him in. Jameis is going to be great.
The Saints are going to be fine. And if Jameis who's their next game against? Who do the Saints have? I don't know.
But yeah, is Derek Carr really hurt? Yeah, he's sprained his AC joints. That's a box.
Ribs. Probably ribs.
Yeah, so it's against the Bucs. Jameis is getting in.
Oh, revenge game. Jameis gets in for this revenge game and dominates the Bucs like we all know that he can.
You can't go back to Derek Carr. You can't..
You gotta ride the hot hand right now. He's got the locker room.
Maybe trade Derek Carr to the Jets. Also, Rashid Shahid, still the most electric guy, both name and playing ability, 76-yard punt return.
I just like saying Rashid Shahid. Yeah.
He's so fast. Chris Alavi's very good, too.
Yes, Chris Alavi's very good, but again, and the Packers were, I'm being very nice to Packers They were playing with a lot of injuries Christian Watson still hasn't played David Bakhtiari has been out I think their whole left side was out So that was an impressive win I still think both teams aren't that great But whatever That's fine It was an impressive win It was Yeah, I think the Packers are like an above average team right now Yeah, that was an impressive win for them to come back and win that game. The Packers are a nice team.
I don't know if that's your standard in Green Bay. As an owner of the Green Bay Packers, I would say that it's not.
I would say we demand excellence. Their defense is good, too.
Rashawn Gary is very good. They're good guys on defense.
They're like a good team. They're a fine young team.
A well-run organization. Yeah.
Not to kick a dog when he's down, but you talked about the ricochet shots coming from everywhere.

Did you see the quote about what Aaron Rodgers texted Jordan Love last week?

I did.

He said, thanks for keeping the ownership.

What was it?

Thanks for keeping the ownership in-house? Well, I texted Aaron Rodgers after week one, and I said, this is bullshit.

This was supposed to be over when you left, he never responded so double insult he's probably busy whatever it's a funny joke Aaron I got nothing listen I got nothing the best part is like people have to understand something and we're going to get to the Bears game. Like I will give you my true emotion.
Like I was week one.

I was very,

very depressed and angry.

We're week two.

I was very angry.

Now it's just,

it's over.

Like they're,

there's the worst team in the league.

Like they are,

they are the worst team in the league.

So I'm,

I'm just looking at the draft.

Do you think we're in the draft mode?

Do you think Aaron Rogers actually gives himself credit for training?

Jordan loves so well that now he owns the bears.

Yeah,

probably.

I think Aaron looks as like an extension of himself. Like he passed the family business on to the next guy.
Yeah. He probably, I chose the right guy.
Yeah. Like I own this condo complex.
You're like, you're now the property manager. It's like my shithead son is going to manage the property.
Right. And he's going to raise rent on you guys every single year.
And you're going to sit there and take it. Right.
And he's still the true owner. Yeah.
No, I get it. It all makes sense.
Like, it's, again, I put out that tweet about Jordan Love at the worst possible time. And he just came back and played great in the fourth quarter.
And I look like a fucking moron. But guess what? I look like a moron a lot of times.
So right now, if you're a Lions fan, you're probably feeling pretty good about yourself. Yeah.
Like, I feel like the Lions are actually the best team in that division. Yeah, well, we'll find out Thursday night.
That could be for the division. Whose lines is there? Well, yeah, it could.
Yeah. It could be.
It is week four. But, yeah, it could be.
Eventually, when we look back on them. Every game.
Whose lines is there? Where's the game? Lambeau. In Lambeau.
I'm going to say pick them. I'm going to say Packers.
Ooh.

Packers minus one.

Yeah, I'm going to say, you know, I'll say Lions minus one.

Lions minus one and a half.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, because I was thinking about it because the Packers, I think,

ended up being underdogs today.

So in Lambeau, like it switched with all their injuries.

So, yeah.

Okay. That would be a great game.

Let's take a quick break. Anything else on Packers Saints? it's just good to have james back it was tough for him i'll say this thrown in there if blake if blake groupie can can help james win a couple games we'll consider adding him to the blake of the year competition i'd agree we'll consider it and by today i mean we'll like we'll let him watch like he's a little cuck he can watch us as we interview the blakes he can watch in watch in the corner.
Yeah. While we have an orgy with the Blakes.
Yep. Okay.
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Okay, next up. Bills 37, Commanders 3.
Sad field goal. That was nice.
We didn't get shut out. Didn't get shut out.
Shout out Analytical Ron, who showed his head today. This was, it was a minor setback in the Sam Hall experience.
Listen, I said on Friday's show, if we win this game, I'm thinking Soupy. We did not win this game.
No. I am no longer thinking Soupy.
I had pre-nut delusion at the time. Now I have post-nut clarity.
But it's soup season. It's not soup season yet, Hank.
Not yet. No, sir, not yet.
Give it another week or two. Then it'll be soup season.
it was pre-nut delusion i have post-nut clarity the commanders are probably about a 500 team um we ran the ball five times in the first half sam howell was addicted to throwing interceptions today through some doozies including a pretty bad pick six you learn more from a mistake than you do from your successes though big cat sam howell is a genius next week. He's going to be so smart.
They keep saying that he doesn't make the same mistake twice, which was true. He made the same mistake like four times today.
It was a bad day, very bad day as a Commanders fan. But just burn the tape.
Burn the tape on this one. It got out of hand.
Our defense didn't play poorly. Our offense actually in the first half didn't't play that bad we just kept turning the ball over at bad times then as the game went further we did in fact play very poorly on offense for most of the game um but yeah sam howl he was consistent today he had an incomplete or he had an interception every single quarter so uh that's pretty cool you know the last quarterback that had an interception in every single quarter was?

Who?

Jameis Winston.

Who?

Jameis Winston.

So Sam's got a little Jameis in him.

Nice.

Yeah.

The Commanders are not an elite team yet.

It was a benchmark game.

I realize that now.

We weren't ready for this.

Yeah.

It was a benchmark game, and you found out that, yeah, you came in short.

Listen, I...

That wasn't short.

I know.

I thought it was for a second. No, no, it wasn't.
But I realized, no, I'm just being sensitive. That's just little man syndrome kicking in.
I called myself short by thinking that was a short joke. Yeah, you probably did.
You did a hezi there. I'm a fucking asshole, man.
No, they just... It was a benchmark game because we said it before.
Like, if they can be in this game, if they can win this game, the commanders are officially for real. It wasn't even close to that.
What did I say two weeks ago? If we can win one of the next two games, I'll be happy. So now it's all about the Eagles game if they can win this game the commanders are officially for real it wasn't even but close to that what i say two weeks ago if we can win one of the next two games i'll be happy so now it's all about the eagles if we can beat the eagles we're three and one i'm happy yeah and so yeah we're not we're not a top tier team i think we're a decent team that can beat you know 70 of nfl teams right now the bills right now we're just the bills are fine if there's any any sort of hesitancy for bills fans after week one you guys are fine you're doing great your offense looked awesome josh allen was electric today he was throwing the ball all over the place the defense looked great josh was running at will and then there was a giant gap in the middle of the field because you have to drop deep to cover all the different guys they have going downfield and josh was seeing that and just taking off and it it looked very easy for the Bills.
I would be surprised if Josh Allen was even tired after this game. Remember when people said Josh Allen stunk after week one? Yeah.
Well, he did stink in week one. He did stink in week one.
But people were like, when are we going to have this Josh Allen conversation? What was the stat I gave on? I think it was he's now won 58 games and 44 of them have been by seven or more. Yeah.
Like, he looked pretty fucking good today. He had one good arm punt.
Yeah, he had a great – Josh Allen so far has the two best interceptions of the season. Yeah.
The week one against the Jets that pinned him deep and this one that pinned him, I think, at like the 12-yard line where he just aired it out for like 45 yards in the air. Pretty good interceptions.
If you're going to throw picks like that – I would much prefer Sam Howell watches Josh Allen's tape. And if he could just turn all of his interceptions into like 45-yard arm punts, I'd be very happy with that.
I feel like Sam Howell, like the bad game was coming just because he's still essentially a rookie. And what, he was, wasn't he undefeated? Because he beat the Cowboys last year.
Right. And then he was 2-0 to start the season.
So the bad game was coming. There was going to be one.
No quarterback in the history of the National Football League has just been perfect forever. Like to start and throughout, except maybe Patrick Mahomes.
But like it was coming. You just got to make sure that one bad game doesn't become two bad games.
Yeah.'s got a big test with the eagles um i'm not i'm not super confident about that yet as far as our defense goes i didn't think that our defense was actually that bad today they were putting on digs kind of lit it digs had like 100 yards but but still if you're playing the bills you're going to give up some big plays it's just going to happen i feel like the defense i give them like a b minus c plus today they had to deal with short fields some of the points came off you know interceptions things like that um the defensive line looked okay at times maybe not as good as the eagles will look tomorrow night but um i expected this a certain part of me expected it and i'm not going to apologize for for getting caught up and falling in love and saying i truly believe that this could be a soupy team if we win this. Because I still stand by that.
If we had won, I would be sitting here right now being an infernal asshole on the show, being cocky as hell. People would hate listening to it.
So maybe it's good for the show that my team isn't great. You would be what Hank's about to be after one single win.
And he's back into his old habits again. interrupting vikings talk with jets didn't you say bills or eagles if you're one of them yeah you're all the way in yeah yeah so you still have a chance i still have a chance thanks jake yes i have a chance you have a chance you know what if we beat the eagles next week i'm thinking soupy yeah yeah i am back i am because you know why we said split you said one and one we don't have to get through we don't have to get through the bills to get to the soup got to get through the Birds to get to the soupy.
Yeah. So this was pretty much like, why are we going to give the Bills our game plan? Why are we going to give them anything but a vanilla offense? BNME was playing the long game.
He dominates to the Bills. Let's make him think Sam Howell stinks.
He doesn't. Exactly.
But let's make him think that. If you go back and you look at BNME's track record in big games against the Bills, just fucking domination.
You think he's going to go out there and have a three-point game intentionally against the Bills? No, he's playing seven-dimensional chess. Eric BNME is going to mow his way through the NFC.
We're going back to the soupy, and if we play the Bills, we're going to probably lose to them again. But it'll be much closer than this.
That was a very sad field goal. 47 seconds left.
Don't get shut out. Sad field goal.
That might be my favorite type of field goal. We're just doing this to avoid a goose egg on the scoreboard field goal.
Yes. Yeah.
Look, Sam Howell, I still believe in Sam Howell. It's a bad game.
Okay. It's a very bad game.
If you were to inject me with truth serum right now, I would say that Sam Howell still has the potential of being a good NFL quarterback. I don't think he's going to be like superstar top three guy.
You know what? But he still could be good, big guy. Hit him with Peyton Manning.
Peyton Manning had a bad rookie season. He threw 33 interceptions his rookie year.
Yeah, that's what I'm telling you. Sam Howell's a rookie? Yeah, basically.
Basically, pretty much. He played one game last year, Hank.
He's a rookie. Not only did he play one game last year, Hank,ank but if you knew ball you'd know that he was a third string quarterback last year so he wasn't getting any reps in practice so he's probably even more than a rookie yeah he's less than a rookie yeah yeah yeah this is an extra rookie yeah he's basically a red shirt at unc right a red shirt super senior actually his rookie year hasn't even started yeah this is still preseason he should be eligible for rookie of the year this year.
Absolutely. So should Ben Simmons.
Yep. Okay.
Colts Ravens. Colts 22, Ravens 19.
One of the shockers of the day. Is Matt Gay better than Justin Tucker? I think Justin Tucker's washed up.
He missed a 61-yard field goal. Everybody thought it was in.
We all thought it was in. Because when Justin Tucker kicks a ball and it's heading towards the middle of the uprights, you're never like, oh, that's short.
Yeah, you're like, it's flush. He nailed it.
But yeah, it was like a yard short. He's washed up.
Matt Gay, first kicker in NFL history to make four field goals over 50 yards in a game. He went five for five, including the 53-yard winner.
Pretty good. And I am a big Shane Steichen fan.
I'm a big gay guy. You are a big gay guy.
Yeah. Shane Steichen, good coach.
I'm going to say it right now. Three games in, good coach.
Yeah. He went into Baltimore.
I know the Ravens have a bunch of injuries, but they're seven-and-a-half point dogs. He doesn't have a starting quarterback.
Gardner Minshew, they built a plan around Gardner Minshew run the ball run the ball run the ball let Gardner make the short throws you need to make he made a couple big throws later on in the game the Michael Pittman one where he got his head taken off but that was a that was like a competent well coached team being like we aren't as good as the Ravens we have to play a certain style of game to come out of here with a win. I think it's a mark of a good coach if you get your backup quarterback in and he plays a pretty good game overall.
Yeah. Like if you're competitive with a backup quarterback, that has a lot to do with coaching, especially if you're an offensive guy.
And yeah, Minshew looked good, except for the time where he ran out the back of the end zone. Yeah, it was not a run out of the back.
Yeah out but still orlovsky started to trend i think dan orlovsky is actually behind it when his name starts to trend like that because he wants people to be like oh it's not just me that did that but still he did it way worse he did it way worse if he ran dan orlovsky's trending online it's either because one somebody ran out of the back of the end zone or people are like looking up how to not cheat on their wives. Or there's like a really bad food opinion.
Watch game tape. Where he's like, yeah, you know, what's really good is green bean flavored ice cream.
Yeah. Secretly.
He's like, anyone put their cornflakes in the toilet first? I put ketchup on my boogers and they taste tremendous. Anyone out there just never wash their underwear? Yeah.
That was fucked up, by the way. When Orlovsky said, like, when you're at a house with a pool, a saltwater pool, how many days in a row is it appropriate to go without showering? I say two.
I got to say, though, for Orlovsky. It's fucked up that he deleted that tweet because I made fun of him.
And I was like, hey, guys, you guys don't use toilet paper when you're staying at a house that has a saltwater pool, right? You don't need to clean your ass off. And then he deleted his tweet.
And so everyone's like, yo, PFT, what's this? What's going on? What's this take that you have? I there are certain people that I would be pissed off with Orlovsky, like his opinions and how he deals with Twitter. But I think he actually genuinely is just a weird guy.
And I mean that in a loving way. Like, we have a lot of weird people at Barstool Sports.

That's what makes the world go round.

So, when he drops one of his opinions, I don't think it's like he's doing an act.

He's just kind of a weird cat.

Yeah.

In a good way.

He's the kind of guy that would be like, you know what really sucks?

Ice cream sandwiches.

Right.

Overrated.

Yeah.

Like, he's just got universally strange takes about everything.

Yeah.

You ever put an ice cream sandwich in your pocket and save it for later? That's how I like to eat mine. I used to play with one actually between my butt cheeks to keep me cool in hot weather games.
You know what the best chili is? It's a chili that you make on your driveway and you scoop it up. You lick it up off your driveway.
Yeah. Anyone else do that? That's just a Connecticut thing.
Minshew looked good besides that one play. And he was so – I love more than anything watching Minshew after games where he comes in, no one really expects that much out of him.
And then he's in the tunnel after the game. And he sees his boys in the tunnel and he just daps them up.
He's like headbanging with his hair waving everywhere. He's such a football guy.
Rock and roll, man. Yeah.
He's the best backup quarterback ever, maybe. I got a question for you guys.
You remember Jonathan Taylor? Yeah. He's coming back.
Is he coming back? I think. Week five.
Is he going to come back? Was that for injury? His pup. He's on the pup, I think.
Yeah, he's on pup. So who knows why he's on the pup, but it probably has something to do with the fact that he wants to be traded.
And Jim Irsay is like, I'd rather pay $50 million to fly a dead whale across the country. He did.
Than to give you a two-year extension. By the way, he did get the whale's ashes to its rightful sea.
I saw that. I saw that.
And I read some interesting things about that. You know how much the ashes of the whale weighed? Well, let me guess.
500 pounds. 300 pounds.
Wow. 300 pounds of ashes.
Hank doesn't think you can even get the ashes in a plane. Yeah.
That you can do. Oh, okay.
Thank you. They also like flew the.
But you can't get a. I mean.
I've yet to see a picture of a fucking whale on a plane. They flew the whale's body up to the University of Georgia.
A dead whale maybe makes more sense because it's dead. Yeah.
And they flew it to the University of Georgia and then they did an autopsy on the whale at the University of Georgia to see how it died. I mean, it was stress.
Yeah. Yeah.
Stress from knowing that was about to fly. Yeah.
I get stressed when I have to take a flight anywhere. Yeah.
He's probably. Yeah.
I was flying on spirit and the whale was like, oh, God, this is going to suck. Yeah.
By the way, the Colts are back home this week. If you guys want to brainstorm a contest idea.
Oh, yeah. Let's buy tickets.
Yeah. All right.
So the Colts giveaway this weekend, what should we do? I think we should do anyone who has a tattoo with a year that the Colts to win the Super Bowl that they didn't win the Super Bowl. Yeah, that's fair.
Yeah. Tweet or email? Email.
Email. PMT intern at BarstoolSports.com.
So if you have a Colts tattoo that says Colts Super Bowl champs for a year, they did not win the Super Bowl. You got four tickets.
Four tickets. I'll buy some good ones.
Two sets of two. And if it's a kid, if it's like an eight-year-old with a tattoo, then they get priority.
That child will win. All right.
Don't go tattoo your child.'d be kind of funny though yeah it would actually maybe tattoo your child uh okay oh um we should also mention that gus edwards is now injured for the raven so the hits keep coming for them you remember that survey that came out at the end of last yeah where they're talking about like you got to rate all your team's facilities you got to your strength and conditioning. And your own players gave your strength and condition guy an F.
And then you brought him back. And now the entire team is injured.
All your running backs are hurt. If you're running back on the Ravens, it's like being the drummer in Spinal Tap.
Like you're going down. And it's not going to be pretty.
Yeah. The Ravens just have injuries for days.
I still think they're a very good team. But this was mean the Colts are spunky they are sir they're they're above frisky they're spunky they're I'd say feisty yeah no they they're borderline a good team yeah I'd say that they are a good team oh right now they're first in the AFC South if we had if the playoffs started today the Colts would be in the playoffs yeah how about that oh how about that um I saw actually I'll say that for later I'll say that for the Titans okay a very very funny post okay uh all right next up a game that I'm sure we have a lot to talk about Patriots 15 the Jets 10 uh this is the 15th straight win for the Patriots versus the Jets oh Hank's grabbing's grabbing his computer.
He's got some stuff to talk about.

Zach Wilson is so bad.

What are you looking at, Hank?

Not much.

Hank just gave me this look.

He stuck his tongue out.

He covered up the bottom lip that he had, and he was like, hmm.

Zach Wilson is so bad.

I have three Zach Wilson stats for you.

Well, actually, it's two stats and one just fact.

Zach Wilson is so bad. Zach Wilson has lost his last five starts.
And if the team had scored 21 points in those five starts, they'd be four and one. I love those stats.
Zach Wilson is so bad on fourth and 10 with a minute 26 left. The Jets ran a play from the Jets own own 45.
And the box score reads, Zach Wilson, this is fourth and 10, Zach Wilson completes to Tyler Conklin to New York Jets 47 for two yards. Yeah, he checked down.
He checked down. Zach Wilson is so bad, a man's teeth fell out while screaming at him from the stands today.
If you missed it, it was an all-time Jets clip. The dude is just furious, screaming at the Jets, and his dentures just fell out of his mouth, and he had to catch him and put him back in.
That's what the Jets are doing to their fans. It was bad.
It was a bad, bad, bad angle for him. I felt bad for him, too, because, like, yeah, you have to share that.
You have to share that online when you see it. Yeah.
But that guy didn't go to a Jets game thinking to himself, my face is going to be across the internet with my teeth falling out. Falling out.
And that's such a common nightmare to have your teeth fall out. He actually might have thought that.
He'd be like, if this game goes, it's like, I think it's going to go. My teeth are going to fall out.
Yeah. He knew that the Jets versus the Patriots are a teeth falling out game.
If I were a Jets fan with dentures, I would bring my vampire ones. I would bring novelty teeth to a game in case I get on TV or just have it be a giant defense sign, like the D in the fence in your mouth and have those fall out.
That would be nice because then you get to at least support the only unit on your team that's worth a shit. It was a bad day to be a Jet.
The Zach Wilson play that I thought was even funnier than the check down was, uh, when Zach double spinned his way into a sack. You see that he did two spin moves consecutively.
There was nobody around him. And then he just fell down because he was dizzy.
He also had Garrett Wilson yelling at him. The, I think Michael Carter was yelling at the running backs coach, the jetsets entire franchise is so quickly.
It was basically a dawning of a new era when Aaron Rodgers ran out with the flag. And it's just so quickly just devolved right back into the Jets.
Again, 15 straight losses. Also, they've scored more than 17 points in just one of those games against the Patriots.
So that's bad of those 15. And good news.
We're going to hear from memes and Hank, but good news. Robert Salah, after the game said, Zach Wilson is who gives us a best chance.
Our best chance to win. Well, he said right now.
So right now on the current roster, that's still not true. Tim Boyle.
I would say so. I think so.
I think it would be hard to say that anybody gives them less of a chance to win than Zach Wilson. Zach Wilson gives you a 0% chance.
Process of elimination. Yeah.
Memes? Memes. I fucking hate Zach Wilson.
He had one good drop. Memes tweeted a picture of Zach Wilson.
The caption was ass. He is ass.
They had... let me pull up.
I have some stats too. Zach Wilson had 13 total drives.
He had one good drive. He went 7 for 10 for 79 yards.
The other 12 drives, he went 78 yards for 11 for 26. Pretty bad.
Pretty bad. Pretty bad for Zach.
I think that this shows us the Patriots are their best when they're away from the bright lights. Because when they start to coast, things can get very, very rocky.
And I thought they were running out of steam and taking in water. And then it might be SOS time.
That's true. But no.
It's almost like a bulb went off. Yeah.
They righted the ship. Yeah.
I agree. Because it would have been a big...

If they'd lost this, it would have been a giant, giant flashing warning sign.

Trouble.

For Kraft.

It would have been a Kraft advisory.

Yep.

If they had lost this game.

That rocky terrain ahead.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I mean, I hate to go back to the lighthouse conversation.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why are we going to play the house?

You're fucking obsessed with this thing.

But I would like to go back to the lighthouse.

When they find themselves in deep water around dolphins, like last year or last week, we

Thank you. You're fucking obsessed with this thing.
But I would like to go back. When they find themselves in deep water around dolphins, like last week we saw, they can start to be gasping for air.
Could you? They need some help. PFT, do me the honor of reviewing what you told me, the classifications of what a legal lighthouse are last week.
Wait, why are we bringing up the lighthouse again? Because we said do doing research? I did some research this weekend, and I would like to present my case. I'm not.
Let's do this on Wednesday. Hank, do you know how sick people here? People don't want to hear.
People are sick of hearing you constantly just droning on about this fucking lighthouse. Let's do this Wednesday by the shirt on the bar.
This is what let's talk about the game. Lighthouse.
Plug God. Hey, let's do this Wednesday.
Come on. This is about this game.
This is about football today. Let's talk about the game, Hank.
Plug God Jake. Let's do this Wednesday.
Come on.

This is about football today.

Let's talk about the lighthouse on Wednesday, okay?

What did you think about the football game?

Gross.

But Patriots are back?

No.

Oh, damn.

Patriots, I mean, it's... You guys got thrown a little life preserver in this game.

Shut the fuck up.

Playing the Jets. Do lighthouse talk Wednesday, Hank.
That's the best way to write the ship. Let's make this a no Lighthouse podcast for the rest of the podcast.
That way, Wednesday, we can. We're talking football today.
Okay, fine, Hank. I'll talk about the Lighthouse.
All right. Yeah, please.
Please. Please.
Okay. So you wanted to know what the evidence that you presented on Friday's show Wednesday.
Let's talk football today. No, he knows.
I got him. He's not going to know.
No, it's a great about what? I don't even remember what I said. Well, if you can pull up the document, then we can go over it.
I agree. I think we should do this Wednesday.
All right, let's do it. Yeah.
All right. Great.
Hey, scared. You guys are all scared.
Let's let's talk football. No more Lighthouse talk for the rest of this podcast.

I mean, thankfully the Bills lost to the Jets, but just the fact, like Zach Wilson's so bad,

that the fact that he had a chance to even win the game at the end of the game

is a sign of the Patriots not being good.

Like, it's embarrassing.

Yeah, that Hail Mary almost happened.

That's a game you have to, you know.

I was hoping so hard it would happen.

Zach Wilson went, what do you go, check down on fourth down, safety, and then Hail Mary almost happened. That's a game you have to, you know.
I was hoping so hard. Zach Wilson went, what do you go?

Check down on fourth down, safety, and then Hail Mary.

Yeah.

What a fucking ending for him.

It went right through the receiver's hand.

Right between, what did you say, memes?

Randall Corn on the Cobb's buttery hands.

Yeah, it should have been a touchdown.

I can't believe Robert Salah is like, we're sticking with this guy.

Did you guys have volume on this game?

No.

Even Jim Nance was just like, when are you making a chance?

We'll see you next time. I can't believe Robert Salah is like, we're sticking with this guy.
Did you guys have volume on this game? No. Even Jim Nance was just like, when are you making a chance? That was a Jim Nance game? Well, yeah, Pat's chance.
Yeah, I don't know how that was the 18th. Because it was supposed to be Aaron Rodgers.
Yeah. Yeah, I think they pre-select like the first few weeks.
Yeah, it was one thing that I'll say that I liked about this game, and we've seen this a lot this season. Bill Belichick, when he's what? It's just a joy, a joy to watch on television.
I hope every game for the Patriots is played in the rain. Also, Hank, this is like actually a great sign because Bill Belichick's getting up there in age, and there's been some questions.
You know, the teams haven't been good. You haven't been in the playoffs in a few years.
I feel like as long as bill belichick keeps being the jets he still has it it's like that will be the first time like it's like having a grandparent like you know hit a car uh and you're like we got to take away their driver's licenses if if bill belichick loses to the jets like all right maybe we gotta take away his driver's license here but he's still got it yeah 13 straight but you watch 13 straight. 15 straight.
15 straight? 15 straight. Sheesh.
Did you mess that up on purpose? No, I messed up in the boomer, too. 15 straight.
I still keep thinking back about when Billy would make fun of me for the Bears and the Packers. It's like the Patriots, Jets.
It's the same thing. I just feel bad for you guys as fans of the Commanders and the Bears, man.
Being a jet is what it's all about. Once you're a jet, you're a jet for life.
Memes. How often do you think about when he said that? It's brutal.
It pops in my head every now and then I laugh. Say what you want about the commanders and the bears.
But to my knowledge, we've never had one of our, our pre-minute fans have their teeth fall out on a national broadcast. Jim Nance had to watch that man's teeth fall.
That's what's so funny to me. It's like, I don't know what Jim Nance would say.
I wish we had the volume on that broadcast to hear his reaction to a grown man's teeth falling out because the Jets were so bad. Yes.
So Jim Nance was like, I watched six quarters of the Jets and Zach Wilson ain't it. Yeah.
Tony Romo was just like, well, he's a second round pick. So, you know, he'll be fine.
It would have been great if Jim Nance was just like, hello, friends. Zach Wilson is ass.
He is ass. So what, Hank, you feel good or bad? You feel good.
You got to play the Cowboys next week who are pissed off. Yeah, I just feel blah.
It's like you watch teams like the Dolphins, and that is what the football I used to love watching, just domination, unlimited scoring, unlimited potential, Super Bowl aspirations,

and then watching an ugly win versus the Jets just doesn't do it for me.

But Hank, think about it this way.

You beat the Jets.

But we'll have a chance to spoil their season later on.

You beat the Jets who beat the Bills, right? It's week 18's week 18 you barely perfect you barely lost the dolphins i know you should be three no we could be three you should feel good about that that you you was a seven point loss of the dolphins yeah and that first time should have counted yeah by the way we put in a reminder jake i don't know why we didn't do just the patriots playing the jets every single time should just be Patriots money line under parlay every time I you should go back and look and see how much money that's the last week of the season great wait I thought you said they play the Dolphins last week sorry I got confused uh the pitch played Dolphins October 29th got it Jets last season yeah whose line is itots, Cowboys. I feel like that's got to be Cowboys.

At Gillette?

No, it's at Dallas.

Okay.

So they're away from the.

Big Cow's on fire.

Seven?

Yeah.

I am on fire.

I'm sharp right now.

Yeah.

I need to bet all these games while I still have some clarity.

Yeah.

Seven, eh?

That's a perfect line for it.

You know people will bet the Patriots. What's the over under in that one 41 and a half I like the under yeah I'm done with unders I already had my under thing last week and it blew up my face okay any last things about I mean he is oh I completely forgot Mac Jones he's a penis grabber he's a dirty guy.
He grabbed Sauce Gardner's penis. You remember he's kicked some people in the nuts before.
Yeah. So it's Tom Brady.
Sauce said afterward, he's trying to prevent me from having kids in the future. Damn.
Yeah. No sauce.
I mean, CJ Mosley's body slammed. Okay.
Suplexed him. Okay.
That's football. And this is also, he said, she said, where's the video? Where's the video? You just had it on your computer.
This video. This is a video of Mac Jones getting suplexed.
No. Wait till the end.
Wait till the end. He grabbed him in the nuts.
Look at this. He turns around.
He grabbed him in the nuts right there. You just watched the video.
I see no hands on any nuts.

Right?

It's coming up.

It's coming up.

This is great podcasting right there.

What?

He grabbed him in the nuts.

Indisputable evidence.

This is the year of the NFL last week saying this is overturned first down.

Do you think Mac Jones got a little bit of dirty in him?

No.

None.

Oh, yeah.

He grabbed him right on his penis. He grabbed him in the penis.
He grabbed his penis. He's a penis grabber.
He tried to jack him off. Yeah, he did.
That's a fact. That's assault.
Assault, brother. I see assault on Soscar and they're pushing a quarterback.
He tried to give him a vasectomy. Live in the game.
He's trying to make sure he doesn't turn into Cromartie. Yeah, that's fucked up, Hank.
Also, for this past Cowboys

game, I have a reminder from August 15th to

bet Zeke to score two touchdowns versus

Cowboys. Yeah, I'm going to revisit that and say

don't. Yeah.
I will.

He actually got almost as many

carries as Remandre today. I think it was

like 1916. Oh, yeah, he had 80 yards.

Yeah. Okay.
So like two touchdowns.

All right, back on. Reminder back on.
When

Memes was writing his boomer today, he texted me and said, hey,

is Ezekiel a Mormon?

What made you think Ezekiel Elliott was a Mormon? Because of his name? His name, huh? Little Bert, he said it. Little Bert? Shane? Shane, you said that Ezekiel Elliott was a Mormon? He's probably the last thing from a Mormon.
Ezekiel was a Mormon name. Oh, it is a biblical name, but I don't.

Mormonism isn't the Bible.

They made their own religion.

Yeah.

Latter-day Saints.

Yeah.

Steve Young's great-great-grandfather started Mormonism.

It's just a question.

Just a question.

There's no bad questions.

Ezekiel as a Mormon would be very funny.

It would be very, very good.

Yeah.

He would soak better than anyone. He would soak like better than anyone.

He would soak so hard he'd fuck him.

That's a fact.

Okay, next up.

What are you looking for, Hank?

You're looking for the penis grab?

Yeah, I'm not seeing anything.

You're doing some research?

Ezekiel would just soak, but he'd have Tony Pollard jumping on the bed next to him, making

a move.

Okay.

Texans 37, Jaguars 17, Pete Prisco. Uh-oh.
Disaster for the Jaguars. This was a scheduled win.
Hard to find a roadmap to 13 wins for the Jaguars after this one. Yikes.
Yikes. Trevor Lawrence took to Twitter, which I didn't even know he had Twitter.
Yeah, that's a shocker. I follow him.
I didn't even know I followed him. I follow his brother.
He did. He did the notes, like scribbling notes, taking notes.
He's taking notes of everyone who's trashing the Jaguars right now. Oh, no.
Yeah. I mean, you lost to the Texans who are CJ Stroud's awesome, by the way.
Awesome. I think he broke the record.
Still hasn't thrown an interceptionception he was great and the jaguars or sorry the texans also had a fullback return a kick for a touchdown andrew beck andrew beck heaviest player to return a kick for a touchdown in the last 50 years which is awesome the 255 pounds the patriots almost had that offensive lineman do it in that one play yeah where john coon snuck up behind behind him and tackled him at like the three-yard line yes which is bullshit that would have been the best play in NFL history but yeah that was a sick return by back he was shocked himself he was like how the fuck did this happen when a big guy gets to that second level and then he got to he got to midfield and there were two guys in front of him and he still somehow found his way in the end zone it was awesome one of the best plays of the year a C.J. Stroud update for the Stroud boys.
Yes. He's got 906 passing yards in his first three games.
The third most in history for a quarterback through three games, through their first three games. It's more than Patrick Mahomes and Andrew Luck.
Wow. He's good.
By a good amount. By a good amount, too.
C.J. Stroud is good you know what this is so if you remember cj stroud's first start i was it against minnesota in college um yeah i believe so i remember watching him in his first game and he kind of stunk and i thought to myself well this guy isn't good he's never going to be good and at that moment i realized wait a second pft you're a fucking moron just just cool it just cool it cool it on this.
I didn't mean like you're more. No, I am.
I also think the same. I'm more.
I've got terrible takes. I am a very bad talent evaluator.
I make snap judgments on people. And maybe the first half of CJ Stroud's first college start was not the appropriate time to judge him as a quarterback.
So I've evolved as a person. now i fucking love the guy yeah he's very very good uh and the texans are frisky i would also say that this this reflects well on domico ryan's as a head coach yes big road win yes huge road win yeah the texans own the jaguars uh they own trevor lawrence four and one now i think against him Also Tank Dell Big touchdown He's awesome Also has like maybe the greatest Oh we got to cheer because the Steelers just scored Given name to nickname That he goes by His real name is Nathaniel And he's Tank That's the biggest disparity between real name And nickname How did come up.
How did he get the nickname Tank? I don't know, but a fucking awesome name. He went to Houston, and he plays for the Texans.
Is that wow or what? That is a whoa. That's a whoa.
So they interviewed Beck after the game. He said, I had a little bit of a car accident and just grabbed the ball and looked up and saw some space.

I started hauling ass and it worked out all right.

Sometimes that's just how it goes.

You got to make a play.

It's such a fullback.

Oh, this is great for Tank.

Why is Nathaniel Dell nicknamed Tank?

Tank's nickname is not meant to mock his small stature.

It actually originated when he was a baby and his mother noted that he had a large head. it's to mock his large fucking head His big head, yeah That's great I mean Like if you see your baby And you start calling him Tank He's got to end up in the NFL Or like a boxer or something Because if he's just a regular guy Working an accounting job named Tank That doesn't It doesn't play as well've got to go back to Nathaniel if you enter the professional world.
Imagine a lawyer named Tank Dell. You probably also get overdrafted if your name's Tank, right? Yeah.
That's worth at least like 12 positions in the NFL draft. Are the Jaguars broken? No, I'd say they're probably going to be just fine.
It's so Jaguars to have all this hype in the week one win and just, you know, big game against the Chiefs and just Trevor Lawrence, big step up year. All these things, you know, close loss against the Chiefs in the in the playoffs.
And now you're one and two and the Texans have your number who are a full rebuild mode. Yeah.
So I saw a very sad post. Somebody sent this uh post i think it was on the titans reddit but it was a jags fan coming in peace okay okay so i love this bear with me already titans lose today jags lose today a jaguars fan in his severe depression after losing to the texans logs on to the tennessee titans reddit and he says jags fan coming in peace What are we both doing? We're both better than this.
And the Texans and Colts are supposed to be on the bottom of the division right now. It should absolutely be both of us playing for the division.
If we're not competing with each other for the division at the end of the season, we could, we both failed. Could one of you please make a similar post on the Jags Reddit.
We got to be in agreement that we're both supposed to be better.

This is strong cuck behavior.

This is the highest level of cope that I've ever seen in my life.

When you cope yourself into logging on to an uninvolved team's Reddit page

and then begging them to come to your team's Reddit page

to tell you that as a Titans fan,

you're expecting the Jaguars to be at the top of the division with them and you can't be losing to the Texans. Damn.
That's sad. That is sad.
It's a sad state of affairs. That's a very sad state of affairs.
Also, the Jaguars might be moving to London. Back-to-back games.
What? This week. Yes, next week.
I'm actually excited for next week because they're doing the Toy Story animation.

I'm going to have my kids.

My friend Drew is calling the game.

I'm going to indoctrinate my kids into football on Sunday morning.

I couldn't be more excited.

It's going to be so fun if they get into a fight

and you have to watch the Toy Story figures on the field fighting each other.

That would be awesome.

But have you seen about the Jaguars stadium deal

that they're trying to push through?

They want like a billion dollars in tax revenue.

We personally think that billionaires should build their own fucking stadiums please bleep that out i'm sorry to cuss um unless tony khan ends up owning the whole team then he should ask for the money in which case tony yeah just give it to tony yeah give it to he'll build another awesome wrestling league with it uh but yeah so they're asking for a billion dollars from jacksonville and i've always been the first person to say like Jacksonville, the Jaguars are not going to leave Jacksonville for London. That's a lot of smoke and mirrors.
Their team president was saying stuff like, if you guys lose us, Jacksonville is never going to get another NFL team. You guys know that, right? I don't want the Jags are Jacksonville.
Yeah, you can't. That would suck.
It makes no sense for the Jaguars to play in London. I know there's all the vibes about the franchise.
Yeah, it's Florida, baby. It is.
They're not going to build a pool in London. They're perfect.
Like the colors, everything. Don't don't do that.
Don't do that. OK, before we get to the next game, let's do a couple ads.
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Rocketmoney.com slash take. Okay, next up, Lions-Falcons.

Big win for the Lions.

Back on track.

Jared Goff looks awesome.

He does. I know that the Lions could have scored more points,

but they were some big plays, some big throws, using his feet.

The Lions are back to being good.

We swung back.

I know that maybe Dan Campbell was right. The loss was what they needed to get back to reality.
Yeah, I've got a name that we should all start to monitor. Okay.
Brian Branch. The safety on the Lions from Alabama, I think.
He's the guy that you'll notice has the green mouthpiece that sticks out of his helmet like an antenna all the time. Oh, I like it.
Which is indicative of a bigger problem that we have. An old man take.
None of these guys wear mouthpieces anymore. They don't keep their mouthpieces in their mouth.
That's right. Brian Branch just has his sticking directly out of his helmet.
Oh, yeah. I'm looking at it.
The green one. That's like it honestly looks like he's got an antenna, like the green dot that's on the back of a linebacker's helmet saying that you're the one with the headset.
It looks like he has an antenna that he's rocking. And he just beats the shit out of people.
Yeah. I love Brian Branch.
I love watching him play. He knocked Bijan Robinson and drilled him in the face, knocked his helmet off.
And then after the game, they asked him about that hit. He was like, he said, fuck it.
I'll take the flag. I like that guy.
I like that guy. That guy's a dog.
Oh, yeah. I'm looking right now.
He is just sticking. That won't help you with concussions.
Maybe it does. Maybe it absorbs some of the shot going to your head.
Yeah, maybe it does. So, Brian Branch, remember the Lions got clowned, and obviously it's early, but they got clowned a little bit for their draft because they drafted a running back and a linebacker.
Those guys all showed up today. Jack Campbell had a sack, a bunch of tackles.
Sam Laporta also drafted at tight end. Big touchdown catch.
And now that David Montgomery's out, Jameer Gibbs is getting the majority of the carries. He had 17 for 80.
Like, the Lions draft showed up for this game, and it's always great to see your rookies like contributing right away yeah if anybody on your defense besides hutchinson is is contributing the lions defense is going to be good yeah and they're pretty good even when hutchinson is just the only guy that's out there making plays uh but i feel like i feel like this is the the lines are officially on the right track right now yeah Yeah. And you know what? I'll say it.

The Falcons are too because the Falcons are now set up

where if you can just get a quarterback.

I don't believe in Desmond Ritter.

I've never really believed in him.

I know, but they have everything else.

They play tough.

They can run the ball.

Their defense is pretty good.

Quarterback, they need a quarterback.

Heineke? Are we thinking Heineke in Atlanta? You tell me if you're a Falcons fan, because I predicted that I think mid-October would be about the time they'd make the switch. You still got to give Ritter some time to develop and see, okay, maybe he's just going to figure it all out.
But it doesn't look like it's trending towards Desmond's the guy. I feel like Desmond's a perfect backup quarterback.
That's not a bad thing.

Yeah.

You could have a very long career, but it just doesn't.

Nothing wows me with him.

No, but the good news, if you're a Falcons fan, the Saints lost.

Yeah.

And Derek Carr's out.

Yeah.

And the Panthers lost.

Panthers are 0-3.

And then the Bucs have to play the Eagles.

Yeah.

So this is pretty much just like we don't even have to play this weekend.

We're going to stay in the same spot in the division. Yeah.
Yeah. You just got to root for the Eagles tomorrow night.
And you could be sitting in first place. They also have a very easy schedule.
Well, yeah. They play in a bad division.
And they work great. But even out of the division.
Yeah. They play against the Jaguars.
Although the Texans are not. The Texans are now.
They're not going to roll over. No, they're a real team.
So, yeah, Jaguars and Texans coming up. Yeah, the NFC South is going to be one of those divisions, like it was last year, where every team will be mathematically available for the playoffs until, like, Christmas.
Yes, yes. But, yeah, Lions look good.
Big benchmark game for them on Thursday night in Lambeau. Yeah.
That will be, if the Lions win that game, it's starting, it feels like all the hype and everything. I know we bought into it off season.
We bought into it after the Chiefs came crashing down a little bit against the Seahawks, but I feel like if they can win this game on Thursday night, short rest, watch out. And Jared's playing well.
It's awesome to watch him. Dan Campbell, Mr.
Thursday night. I love how the Lions, too, it feels like, and this is probably their offense quarter, Ben Johnson, right? I believe.
Yeah. I think so.
He's scheming guys open. Like, guys are running open constantly for the Lions.
They're crossing patterns. They'll get at least a couple big shots a game.
It's fun to watch the Lions. They have a fun offense.
I like what I'm seeing from the Lions. So wait, this is going to be three Thursday night football games or Thursday football games for the Lions this season.
That's got to be a record, right? Yeah, probably. Because they had the opening.
Sure, they played Monday night too at some point. But they had the opening game on Thursday night.
They got Thursday night this week. Then they're going to play on Thanksgiving.
Whoa. I don't think any teams ever played.
Both against the Packers. Yeah.
Two Thursday games against the Packers. Both against the Packers.
Thanksgiving's Packers. That's crazy.
That has to be the first time ever. Yeah.
Teams played twice against the same team. And they have two Monday night games as well.
Look at the Lions. Let's go Lions.
Let's go Detroit. They're getting a bunch of them.
I only see one Monday. I see one against ABC versus Raiders.
Saturday, December 30th. That's weird.
It's Saturday. But is that Monday Night Football? Oh, yeah.
It might be. Yeah.
That counts. Yeah, that counts.
I love that so much when it's Monday Night Football on Saturday. I mean, it'll be a standalone game.
So, yeah. Good for the Lions.
Next up, Browns 27 Titans 3 I obviously, we have to say Deshaun Watson threw a ball backwards today But he also had his best game that he's ever had in a Browns uniform And he had his best game that he's had since like 2020 But the backwards pass was very funny He threw it directly backwards and incomplete, which is a fumble But yeah it was a dime it was a missile from him it was it was so funny as he's falling to the ground he didn't realize what direction he was yeah he's like fuck it i'm gonna throw it he was upside down he then to his credit that guy was wide open yeah he was he was wide open but yeah john watson played well he did he answered what a lot of people were saying myself myself included. He had been bad through two weeks.

He was bad last year, but today he was good.

Florio had a classic Florio moment earlier this week talking about Deshaun Watson's contract

and how you can't get out of it unless he found a loophole.

Yes, I saw this.

His loophole is very funny.

If Deshaun Watson commits egregious acts on the field,

given his fines and his penalties that he's drawing, because he had two personal fouls. Yeah, I think it was two personal fouls on Monday night against the Steelers for face masks and shit.
If he just continues to act a fool on the field, they can then cut him for egregious on-field behavior and not have to pay anything, which is, it would be so funny if that actually happened. And I have no idea if Florio is correct about it or not.
But usually when it comes to the legal minutia and the fantasy factory stuff that he builds up in his head, it could be. It could be accurate.
I would just like to see a team try to do it. It's perfectly Florio.
Yeah. Just be like, yeah, if he trips more people, if he pokes someone in the eye.
You think the Patriots can move on from Mac Jones for grabbing someone's penis? He did grab a penis today, Hank. Nope.
He did grab a penis today. Actually, the Browns should trade for Mac Jones to have him just be the backup quarterback for Deshaun, be on staff as the penis grabber.
Penis grabber, yeah. Yeah.
That's smart. Kill two birds with one stone.
But yeah, the Browns, Deshaun played well. That was hilarious.
The ref missing Amari Cooper calling him out of bounds. It was right in front of all time.
Bad call also for the Browns. Something to be excited about because I know that last Monday was pretty much a disaster, disaster scenario for you with Nick Chubb and the way he lost the Steelers.
The Browns have the best defense since 1999. They have given up 491 yards on defense through three games.

The last time a team gave up under 500 yards through three games was the 1999 Bucs.

The Browns defense is fucking awesome.

Yeah, they're really good.

And Miles Garrett is terrifying.

He's scarier before the snap than he is after the snap.

Yeah.

So you remember that clip that went viral of him doing the crossover? Yep. He was just like crossing up the opposing center and then just dancing around him.
Before one play against the Titans today, the Titans had two of their tight ends that were assigned to just both of them double-team Miles Garrett. Wherever he is, you go to that side, you double-team him.
Miles Garrett knew that and started pacing back and forth, going from one side to the other. And every time he did that, the Titans tight ends had to loop around, go to that side of the play.
He did it so many times back and forth that they took a delay game for it. Yeah.
They couldn't get the snap off because they kept having to move their guys to block Miles Garrett. He's yeah, he's absolute freak.
And Ryan Tannehill stinks again. Yeah, he stinks.
Well, let's give him, let, Big Cat. 13 for 25 for 104 yards.
He needed a pick. He didn't throw any interceptions.
He's still a young man. Josh Rosen stat line.
He's a young man learning the game of football. You got to give him time in the system to figure it all out.
Remember, he played wide receiver in college, Big Cat. Yeah.
So you got to give him time to evolve as a quarterback. And if you just give him enough years, I think he'll be good.
Give him a three-year extension. Yeah.
And bet on the future on this young man. I have an update on Nick Chubb.
Okay. Nick Chubb did not tear his ACL.
Oh. Nick Chubb did not tear his PCL.
Nick Chubb only suffered a torn MCL. Oh, that's good.
How crazy is that? How is it possible that a man's knee can bend like that? Wait. So what is his MCL? How long How long is that? Like six months? I saw six to eight months.
Oh, that's not bad. And I mean, with modern medicine, who knows? Deer antler spray, deer antler spray injected.
Go over to Italy and get the Ray Lewis's house. Get the shit injected.
Yeah, the PRP hang out. Lance Armstrong for a while.
I have a sad thought that I wanted to throw out there. Is Derrick Henry getting close to the cliff? Well, I know what you're saying because I saw the stat lines from this game.
Across the board for the Titans, it looked like on the stat sheet, it looked like they played one half of football. Yeah.
So I ask this because he's going to be 30 in January. He has had an incredible career.
I also now this might be confirmation bias, but I searched I Google search how many carries until a running back falls off the cliff. And someone wrote this detailed article with all these advanced stats.
And it basically is 1800 carries is the cliff. And once you hit 1800 carries, all of your numbers take a sharp decline, like 25% the next year, Derek Henry, I think today was his 1800th carry.
So I, it bums me out to even say this, but part of me thinks that it might be happening, and it sucks that it might be happening because I love watching Derrick Henry play football.

But again, he's 30 years old.

It shouldn't be shocking that this discussion might start happening.

I'm hoping that we have one more tractor-seed season in us, but it feels like we might be getting to the cliff for Derrick Henry.

He doesn't have the same pop.

I just want to watch him stiff arm people for the next 10 years.

I know.

Is that too much to ask?

Even if he's bad at running back, just give him the ball and let, send him directly at

the smallest defensive player on the field.

Let him, let him stiff arm one guy into the ground and then I'll be happy.

It's probably going to happen.

And if you're, if you're Derek Henry, it's probably get, you're probably getting tired of having to carry the ball so much and run into people and have your team not really do anything. Yeah.
Yeah, you're probably just tired. Yeah.
Derek Henry is probably one of the most tired people in America. I would say so.
Yeah. He and Sleepy Joe.
It's always tired. Yeah.
But yeah, I hate that I have to even bring it up, but I feel like the cliff might be here. I'm going to withhold judgment until we get into November.
November 10th, I will revisit that take, and I will agree or I will concur or dismiss it because that's when track recito season starts late October, and I'm hopeful that he can still run people over. Let me see.
So he had 11 carries for 20 yards. I also think it might the titans might be thinking we have to start preparing for a derrick henry list titans oh well the question should be asked is it was taylor luon the secret to derrick henry's success all along i think he probably was so right now he went 25 for 80 15 for 63 and 11 for 20 not great no he's just getting revved up It takes a while for a tractor to start.
He and 11 for 20. Not great.
No.

He's just getting revved up.

Takes a while for a tractor to start.

He's just getting himself ready.

Okay.

Afternoon games.

Only had three.

Seahawks, 37.

Panthers, 27.

Seahawks win this game.

I, though, walked away being like,

Andy Dalton can still play.

I think he had over 300 yards. Yeah, he looked good.
He even had a red rifle on the broadcast. His hair has gotten redder.
Yeah, yeah. So, and Kenneth Walker looks like he's ready to go.
Like, he was running all over the place. So, I'm happy for Kenneth Walker.
I'm happy for Andy Dalton. At one point during this game, Geno Smith made a throw across his body.
They kind of fluttered in the air, and think dk caught it the announcer said and geno smith has just ridiculous arm talent do you think geno smith does is he a guy that you would say has ridiculous arm talent arm talents is not the right word he does throw a great like catchable he throws a good spiral and he has good like he puts it in great places i think he's got tremendous wrist talent yeah i think the wrist is really what makes the ball so catchable. He also threw a two-point conversion that was the longest two-point conversion ever.
And it was classic Lockett, right? Yeah. It was like he just drifts back, throws it up in the air, Lockett's down there somewhere, and he catches it.
Also, shout out Seattle fans. They're back.
Eight false starts. Yeah.
Do you see the Seahawk? Yeah. The Seahawk is one of my favorite super fans.
He's the dude in Seattle that dresses up like the Incredible Hulk. And he paints a six-pack on himself.
But you can tell he's legit got a six-pack underneath the painted-on six-pack. He rocks a hard hat and just screams at the top of his lungs.
Yeah, the 12s are out. 12s are out.
12s are out big time. 12s are out.
Seahawks feel like they're rolling a little bit. I know that week one was tough for them, but two good wins.
The Panthers were live in this game, and I think it was because of Andy Dalton. Again, I'm taking the long-term approach for Bryce Young, but Andy Dalton is better than Bryce Young right now.
That's just a fact. They were moving the ball better than they had the first two weeks of the season.
and swaggy Pete Carroll was back too he was loving it today he was loving the 12s he was just waving his hands all over but I've never seen a more mismatched energy between two coaches than Pete Carroll who was strutting down the sidelines like the old robber baron Pete Carroll gift that goes around he was feeling himself and then you look at Frank Reich on the other side of the field and Frank Reich is never a guy guy that you're going to be like oh well that guy's got a lot of emotion but today he looked he looked dead he looked like he was a dead man on the side he looked like a librarian uh that was going to have to shut down his library in two weeks and didn't want to tell anybody about it he was just staring straight ahead looking somber the entire time even when they were in the game i i guess players like playing for him if you're a Frank Wright guy. Yeah.
I guess he's a very smart football coach. He's like a very even keel guy.
But he just looks like a dead person on the sidelines. Yeah, he did.
He did. And the Seahawks look the exact opposite.
Okay, before we do the last two games, let's do one of our last ads. Yeah, part of my take is sponsored by by better help do you ever find that just as you're trying to fall asleep your brain suddenly won't stop talking do your thoughts start racing right before bed or at other inopportune moments well it turns out one great way to make those racing thoughts go away is to talk them through therapy gives you a place to do that so you can get all of your negative thought cycles and find some mental and emotional peace.
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Okay, second to last game. Cardinals 28, Cowboys 16.
This was a shocker. We've been waiting all season to get our first Dak interception.
Boy, did we get one. We got one.
We got a great Dak interception today. A great one.
And guess what? There's probably three guys that would have picked that off if the linebacker didn't get it. Can the Cowboys not play from behind? I don't know.
That was the first time they had to, and they failed that test. Yeah so cowboys too because like i mean we first two weeks they look like the most dominant team and then to 12 and a half point favorites to the cardinals who are somewhere in between tanking and who knows what's going on josh dobbs who signed with them in august like they just ran the ball down their throats oh let's write them off i've been waiting to write them off Hank I really have Cowboys fan pretty tough loss no panic button Hank no why not okay well they gotta get right game coming up I mean they did it was Cardinals defense by the way would I tell you yeah Cardinals D they're for real dude the Cardinals offensive line is what I was shocked by.
They ran the ball down the Giants' throat for three quarters. They ran the ball down the Cowboys' throat.
The Cowboys have a great defense, and they just absolutely obliterated them in terms of running the ball. So they also gave their coach a Gatorade bath after the game.
I have to say Jonathan Gannon. Jonathan Gannon deserves a semi-apologetic.
I think he's still a weird dude, but that was an impressive win. He did have a pew-pew shots, explosives play to Moore.
Yeah. He told you he was going to do that.
We all saw it. Yeah.
He's finally taking the shots. I still think – I still have no faith in him as a head coach.
He's just a weird guy. He's a weird guy, but the defense is good.
A lot of people are weird guys, though. He's not the worst coach in the NFL.
Matt Eberflus is definitely the worst coach in the worst. I was going to say it's too soon to say that about Sean Payton.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sean Payton is in the running.

Yeah.

We'll find out next week.

There should be an opposite of coach of the year.

Yeah.

Worst coach of the worst coach of the year.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Give him like a $5 million bonus because they probably got fired.

Yeah.

But yeah, the Cardinals, the Cardinals, Cardinals have been in every game they've played.

They are very frisky on defense.

I'm telling you, they love to hit. Like, you think there's a Cardinals fan sitting around being like, we should be 3-0? Probably.
Because they could have been. Probably, yeah.
Yeah. I was impressed by the Cardinals.
So who'd they lose to last week? They lost to the Giants. Yeah, yeah.
They could have won that game for sure. Josh Dobbs does look good, too.
Like, at times when he runs with the ball, it's like, all right, this guy's got a little spunk to him. Josh Dobbs looks good.
Rondell Moore looked good. James Conner looks good.
Like the Cardinals have something going. Do you think that we've seen our last game of Kyler Murray in an Arizona Cardinals uniform? I think it depends on how many games they win this year.
Yeah. Honestly.
Like if they win a few games, which I think they absolutely could, and they aren't a top three pick, yeah, I think Kyler Murray would still be their quarterback I think so too what what uniform do you think he'd look the smallest in the the Vikings purple Vikings purple would be yeah he looks tiny that one he would look like a little like a Russian nesting doll if he was a patriot wearing the pat the patriot helmet with the red jersey he'd look pretty he would. He would look pretty.
Yeah. Just so cute.
What else would he look small? The Giants. That'd be very funny if he was if he was a giant.
Oh, yeah, that would be pretty small in the in the Browns uniform as well. Yeah.
Oh, the red helmet. Yeah.
The orange helmet. Yeah.
Hmm. Chargers.
He looked in a powder blue. He'd look fast in the chart.
He looked fast, but he looked small. He looked like a little pixie guy.
This is a fun discussion. Yeah.
Yeah, but the Cardinals, they won. Oh, Niners.
He looked tiny in a Niners uniform. He would.
He probably would look small in pretty much any uniform. No, I think in Texans.
I think he'd look bigger in Texans because it's like matching blue, blue. Yeah.
I'm trying to think what he would look big in. I think he might look big in a Jaguars uniform.
Yeah. Bucks.
Panthers. Panther.
Buck small. Anything red.
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know. Lions, he might look average size.
Yeah. Average size.
Packer. Small.
Small. That's small.
For sure. Bear.
I just think he looked decently sized in a Bears uniform. Yeah, he would.

Saints, he would look.

I think he'd look okay in a Saints uniform.

Yeah.

The white ones.

The all white ones.

Yeah.

He'd look good in that.

Yeah.

Memes, make a tier list for us.

And have it be just tiny Kylers in the different jerseys. He can't block us again.
No. We're already blocked.
What's he going to do, block us again? Don't think so. Cardinals uniform, he'd look tiny in that.
I do think the Cowboys have to figure out what they are, though, on though on offense because the first two games they obviously were so far ahead that they did the complimentary football ground and pound you know don't make mistakes this game like they didn't they didn't throw deep it felt like at all and they were still trying to play complimentary football from behind so mike mccarthy i think mike mccarthy is a guy who every couple weeks like if they win a couple games he's like i figured this thing out like i have i have cracked the code we'll never lose again and then he gets in a game like this where he's down it's like dude you have cd lamb like throw it fucking deep run run some routes for cd lamb you don't have to run the ball 30 times. Dak is a good quarterback.
I don't think he is, but he is objectively a good quarterback. Other people say that he's a good quarterback.
Right, exactly. I'm willing to admit that.
He's supposed to be a good quarterback. Right.
That's what I love when you just say, like, we're supposed to be good. I thought he was supposed to be an awesome quarterback.
It's like, yeah, well, there are a lot of people that like Dak, but a lot of people that love to feast on the Cowboys' demise whenever they do something bad to think that he sucks, like us. Right now, we are right about Dak Prescott.
It is funny when Cowboys fans get mad being like, why don't you like the Cowboys? Do you know, maybe if we were 10 years younger, we wouldn't have a feeling about the Cowboys, but if you're a child of the 90s, you don't like the Cowboys. Yeah.
It's just a fact. Well, you either hate them or you love them.
Yeah, right. Right.
Because your parents were like, okay, we're not going to teach them how to be a football fan. We're just glad that they have an interest.
So, yeah, whatever team you want to root for. Right.
Exactly. Go for it.
My question is, how do you think Trey Lance, deep down in his heart, felt about this game? I think he felt pretty good about this. Yeah, he probably did.
I think he's secretly wishing for more games like this. Let's see some Trey Lance.
Let's see what he's got. Okay.
Last game. I got the Roback question.
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I wear them nonstop. I guess I know the answer to the question, but I'd like to hear from you guys.
Are the 2023 Chicago Bears the worst team in the NFL? I think so, yes. I don't know.
I don't know just yet. Yes.
We'll find out next week. Yeah, we're going to find out.
Okay. It's hard to say.
I'd say that they're in the conversation. Chiefs 41, Bears 10.
Also, the Jets didn't pull out that miracle week one. Yeah, true.
But they did. They did.
Chiefs 41, Bears 10. This game was never a game.
Again, I said it earlier, but like you saw week one,

I was very depressed.

Week two, I was angry.

Now it's I'm apathy zone

because they are bad.

They are a bad watch.

They are a soft team.

Matt Eberflus is the worst coach in the NFL.

I actually want Matt Eberflus

to keep his job

because it's so sad

that in September,

I'm already thinking draft. I actually think today was a win because the Bears lost, the Panthers lost, and the Cardinals won.
Like, why not just go 0-17 and reset everything with Caleb Williams? Yeah. They're bad.
They're so bad. They're very bad.
I think that he should be forced to coach the rest of the season as punishment just because you can't fuck this up and then turn over to somebody else. Right.
You got to sleep in the bed that you made. He's supposed to be a defensive head coach, and the defense is soft as shit.
They are soft as baby shit. Well, the nice thing is you guys weren't the worst team today.
You didn't have the worst loss today. It was trending that way.
If the Chiefs had kept in their starters.

You had the worst half today of any team.

Yeah.

But you did not have the worst loss overall.

And I feel like that's kind of a win,

given what the rest of your week was like.

Your week was worse than your weekend.

As bad as your Sunday was, your Monday through Friday was worse.

Won the fourth quarter.

Won the fourth quarter.

Also, 10-0?

10-0.

Big time.

Offense started to play.

I'm sorry. Sunday was.
Yeah. Your Monday through Friday was worse.
Won the fourth quarter. Won the fourth quarter.
Also 10-0? 10-0. Big time.
Offense started to click. That extrapolates to a 40-0 win.
Defense was buzzing. We turned over the Kansas City Chiefs quarterback twice in the second half.
And you might have injured him too. Well, I was talking about the other one.
Oh, the other the two picks uh yeah i said this online but the bears are so bad they are invite your new girlfriend to the game because you know you're going to look awesome bad taylor swift at the game was the story travis kelsey was like hey i want like you know what the fastest way to me for me to get a blow job tonight is score a touchdown and put up fucking 40 on the on the bears yeah that's bad to be at that point as a franchise where it's like, okay, this is the one game that you want your girlfriend to watch you play in. She was in Donna Kelsey's box, cussing up a storm next to her.
I don't know how that is. Like if that's the first time meeting her, you meet your boyfriend's mom and the next thing, you know, you're just like dropping F-bombs left and right in her ear.
Not good look not a good look for miss taylor it's also crazy this is obviously uh we're a football podcast not a taylor swift podcast but i saw and i take a lot of what i know about taylor swift through our great colleague kelly keegs swifties i think are acting like taylor swift is above travis kelsey i don't think they like this relationship kel is the second best tight end of all time. What are we talking about? This is this dude is incredible at football.
Taylor doesn't do second best big cat. So then Gronk.
Fuck Gronk. Yeah.
I guarantee you if Gronk, if Gronk meets Taylor Swift. Sorry, Travis.
It's on. It's on.
They're just going to fuck and procate and have like the best volleyball player of all time as an offspring. But Taylor Swifties are offended.
I'm offended. As a football fan, we're having an offending off.
Can I tell you why I think they're offended? Because they're perpetually offended. Because nobody is good enough for Taylor.
That's true. And also, I think secretly, Taylor Swift's own fan base is sabotaging her happiness.
I think they don't want to see her happy. They don't let her live.
They don't let her live. They don't want to see.
And here's why they don't want to see in her good relationship because then what is she going to sing about? True. They already pay her a billion dollars a year.
They've got a box. And then what are they? They're going to give her a billion dollars.
And then she's going to get on stage and sing to them about how great her life is and how how great her relationships are and meanwhile every poor swifty that's been broken up with in the last year is in the crowd watching her like i can't relate to her at all and you're right i want her they want her to fail they want swifties want taylor to be happy on their own terms yeah they don't want taylor swift to find genuine happiness they want her to be happy because she's found empowerment after a disastrous breakup. That's bullshit.
I think Travis Kelsey's a catch. The dude is good looking, scores a ton of touchdowns.
Super Bowl champions. Any Swifties that are tuning in right now? Two time.
Touchdowns are important in this game. They are.
So maybe that's what we gotta do. We gotta teach Swifties about football and then they'll be like, oh, Travis Kelsey.
We should make all Swifties join a fantasy league. And they'll see the Travis Kelsey gets drafted like in the first couple of rounds.

And they'll realize, oh, this guy's fucking good.

If Swifties become diehard NFL fans, though, they will be able to find dirt on Roger Goodell that we previously have not heard about.

They will find like if Travis Kelsey gets suspended, they'll link up with Dan Snyder.

If Travis Kelsey gets like flagged for a bullshit call this year, Swifties will go deep into the Roger Goodell backstory. They'll discover the chair that he sat in on draft night.
They'll go through all of it. Yeah.
And they will come up with some shit that will get him fired as being commissioner. Yeah.
I guarantee you. That's, yeah.
So, Hank, yeah, you should form an alliance with Swifties. We want this.
Yeah. Start the narrative that the NFL doesn't want to see Travis succeed.
Either way. Also, Travis is a podcaster, and they have a history of digging up bad stuff that Taylor Swift's boyfriends have said on podcasts.
That's true. Just pointing that out.
That's true. Shout out.
I have one last question about this game. As a fan, how early am I allowed to root for draft picks? Is it too early? It doesn't feel too early.
You got to be clear about it because you can't root for the Bears to lose. You have to make it very clear that it's a draft pick that you're rooting for.
Yeah, because I... You have to at least pretend...
You have to be happy if the Bears win. That's the thing.
You can be content if they lose and rationalize it by being like, well, that's good for the draft status. But if you win a game that you're not supposed to win, you have to be happy about that.
Because I've obviously been in this spot before because the Bears have been bad many times before. But this is very early to have the thoughts creep in my head where I'm like, would it be bad if we just lost every game? I don't know.
I think that I'll just revert to how I was dealing it last year, where it's like all week I'm rooting for a draft pick. The minute the game starts like, yeah, I want the bears to win.
Yeah. Like I don't, I, I don't want the bears to lose to the Broncos.
I, cause that would be embarrassing. Like it's already been embarrassing enough.
This would be even more embarrassment. The team that just lost 70 to 20, but if they do lose the Broncos, I'd be like, eh, not the worst.
Yeah. You have to root for your team on Sunday.
It's it's, but the fact that I'm even having these thoughts in September, September 25th, never has a season spiraled this far out of control this quickly. And Matt Eberflus is a bad coach.
13 straight losses on defense. If the offense was bad, that would be depressing enough.
But the fact that he's a defensive guy and you guys don't look like you want to tackle it all, that's tough. Because this was a do you have any pride game.
It also sucks to have to do – I feel like we just got rid of Matt Nagy. And now we've got to go right back to it.
And then Nagy had to beat the shit out of you today. Beat the shit out of us.
He loved it. They beat the shit out – it was – They were pulling out the double pass back throw down field to the tight end end play in the first quarter.
That was Matt Nagy being like, that's my fingerprint on this game. I think if you had told the Chiefs before the game, there's a bomb underneath the stadium.
And if you don't win 100 to nothing, then we're going to detonate the bomb. They would have won 100 to nothing.
I really do think that if they had kept on trying the entire game they could have won 100 nothing that's how bad the bears are this was naggy's super bowl that he prepared for man really bad team really really bad team uh okay let's do steelers raiders okay steelers win uh a tight one in the end and the biggest story coming out of this is Josh McDaniels is a fucking moron. As always.
I was going to say the biggest news coming out of this was a tidbit I didn't know going into it. Kenny Pickett had never thrown for two touchdown passes in his career until now.
And he did. He had a great get.
Matt Canada. All he needed was a promotion.
That's right. So the report came out fromordan schultz that the uh the steelers were actually promoting matt canada uh to a more prominent role and he will work more directly with kenny pickett and will remain the play caller on offense so the problem was there wasn't enough matt canada yeah now they're doubling down on it more matt canada so the reason why i say uh j Josh is an idiot in full disclosure we give we give uh uh Matt LaFleur a bunch of shit for it all the time he did the Matt LaFleur down eight fourth and four at the eight yard line and he kicked a field goal you need a touchdown dude what are you doing and then they never get they got the ball back with 10 seconds left ends up in an interception.
Are the Steelers back? So the Steelers are, in fact, in first place in the AFC North. How about that? Their point differential is not that great.
What is it? I think technically I'll have to do the math because they haven't updated the point differential on Google. I guess we could do it right now, but that's too much math to do.
Let's just say that I think out of the...

It's plus five for whatever it is now.

It's plus five from whatever it is now.

Okay, so that would...

Let's see.

AFC North standings.

It was...

It'll be minus 14.

33 to 52 beforehand.

And then the Browns have a significantly better...

They actually have scored way more points than their opponents and so have the Ravens. But I think technically the Steelers are in first place, so good job, Steelers.
Good job, Steelers. Yeah, I mean, that was a good win.
Their defense is for real, and Kenny Pickett being able to – I mean, they had, what, four active wide receivers tonight, so they didn't have a ton of guys. And they go to vegas win a big game kenny pickett throws his two touchdowns calvin austin who jersey jerry has been telling us he's the fastest guy it was actually a very jersey jerry moment he's like calvin austin is the fastest guy in the nfl some are saying he's faster than tyree kill we're like oh is that you he's like yeah they didn't time him right at the combine and he's like look up the video pft pulls up the video it's just jersey jerry ranting at the tv about how they didn't time but it's from like a ghost account jersey jerry's put out misinformation out there um because at the nfl combine on the tv version of it it doesn't stop right when he crosses the finish line the clock goes on for another 0.3 seconds.
But then they obviously don't use the version that they use on TV.

The scouts have the electronic timing.

They adjust the timing at the end.

So Jersey Jerry is saying that Calvin Austin is not only the fastest human in the NFL,

the fastest human ever to exist is Calvin Austin.

He's ran a 4.03 40-yard dash.

Yeah, he is very fast.

He is very fast. He is very fast.
Takes the top off the defense. I love the Steelers fans that go out to Vegas.
They're having the best time ever. They all packed their best Steelers uniform.
They packed their Steelers dresses. I saw one guy wearing like a Steelers full-piece suit with like five pieces on it.
They showed up. They showed up in Vegas.
It was cool. Yeah.
And Mark Davis looks swaggy as hell. Oh, yeah.
Always. I think Kenny Pickett might have a mullet now.
We need to check out the full lettuce on that. I think he might be mulleted out.
Yeah, he might be. Him and Brooks.
Yeah. Oh, Brooks mullet.
We need to talk about his fucking. Oh, oh, memes is sad.
Memes got a haircut today. He tried to get a mullet.
He couldn't. It didn't take.
What happened, memes?

Told her I wanted a mullet.

She didn't really speak English.

So she just said, okay. And then

five minutes into it, she took a buzzer to the back of my head.

What language did she speak?

She spoke Spanish.

Also showed her a picture.

And she was like, oh, okay.

And then that was it. Did you show her a picture of Brooks? I showed her one of that and then the other guy.
Who's it? Sam Burns? Cam Smith? No, Sam Burns. Cam Smith, no.
Cam Young? Cam Smith has a mullet? Cam Smith does? Yeah. Does he? Would you say that's a mullet? I think so.
Yeah, it might be a mullet. Hard to say.
I'm sorry. That's brutal to go in expecting a mullet and not getting one.
You should go into sport clips. They would never make that mistake.
Never. They would never make that mistake.
Never make that mistake. The Raiders are not good, so that means the Broncos are really, really bad.
Very bad, yeah. I'd say the Raiders are ass.
Yeah, so now the Bears-Broncos game is really who is the worst in the NFL. It is who is the worst bowl.
Because the Panthers and the Vikings are the other 0-3 teams. I think the Vikings aren't that bad.
No. I think they're just regressing.
I guess the Bengals, too, have to win a game. They technically undefeated yeah the bengals aren't bad either so it really is broncos bears panthers yep raiders you're still in the conversation no i think we are the worst team but that's fine uh yeah good win for the steelers there is a hilarious play actually two very funny plays that happened in this game one is patrick peterson trying to play defense on a ball that had already gone over his head like a full second before as davante adams is rolling into the end zone patrick peterson jumps up in the air to try to intercept the ball i don't know what he was watching that was very funny the second was george pickens attempted block that he had yes downfield it just back like i actually do think that george pickens is a little bit insane and he threw his body into a block.
He thought he was an anime character that could just jump through someone. Just freaked out.
He looked like a dog on a leash trying to jump up and bite it. And just got absolutely ran over on it.
It was a very funny attempted block on his part. Also, they just showed a highlight of Jimmy Garoppolo doing a point and then an interception.
They should make it a rule that if you point and you score a touchdown, it should be extra point. And if you throw an interception, it should be minus a point.
Yeah. You can't point and throw a pick.
Yeah. Heineke would be a great quarterback if that were the case.
Yeah. Yeah.
The point. The point has to work.
The point throw is awesome because you get all excited about it. Like, oh, shit.
Calling his shot. Wide open.
But, yeah, Josh, you know, real dumb guy. Real dumb guy.
I still don't really understand. He had all three timeouts.
So what's the if you if you don't get the fourth down, then you just you're in the same spot where you need to stop. Right.
Yep. So makes no sense whatsoever.
I've got a I've got a conspiracy. Hank, you might say that this is like a Florio take, but let me know what you think about it because it involves your Patriots.
Mark Davis, we all know that he's probably not going to be able to afford the inheritance tax on the Raiders when it comes time to pay that bill. Do you think that he hired Josh McDaniels as the head coach to get Tom Brady involved in the ownership group so that Tom Brady could then contribute to the tax bill when the time comes.
So he gets to retain the Las Vegas Raiders in his own name. I don't think McDaniels had to be part of that equation.
I think Brady wanted in on ownership regardless of who the coach was. Maybe Brady demanded it.
And he said, you hire this guy and then I will maybe maybe mcdaniels has all the dirt on tom brady so tom brady told mark davis hire mcdaniels keep him happy pay him as a favor to me and then i'll help you out with the tax bill oh what about this maybe brady belichick feud was so real that brady bought the bought in on the raiders to eventually buy the Raiders and then hire steve belichick to try to win seven super bowls and be like brady belichick raiders was actually the dynasty that'd be sick not sick but like kind of sick sick in a good way or bad way both yeah would you root for the raiders brady was you'd have to a little it was little bit. It was Brady and Belichick.
Yeah. I can't say no.

They pretty much become the Patriots.

Yeah.

And then Tom Brady's son plays quarterback for the Raiders.

Yeah.

It's a Brady sandwich with the Belichick filling.

Yeah.

Think about that, Hank.

I might be stupid enough to be onto something with this.

Yeah.

I think you're right.

Stop.

It's also late. So, yeah.
To be on to something. You're just upset that you didn't get your stupid lighthouse facts out Wednesday.
Yeah, but they are facts. You know what? It's going to be lighthouse Wednesday.
I'm part of my day. Yes.
It is Wednesday. All right.
Why are you sighing like that? You brought it up. Yeah.
It's your thing. You wanted to do it right now.
You'd love to be talking about that fucking lighthouse. It's all you want to talk about.
You remember when Hank for the rest of the the show hank you remember when i asked you if you would fuck the lighthouse and you said i don't know i'm not sure if it would fit thinking back on it i was asking you if you wanted to like sit on it like no fuck the lighthouse like you grind up against it you thought i didn't know my dick could fit inside it would i let the lighthouse go up my ass no you thought you was sitting on your part that's a bonk on your part I didn't know if I could fit inside it. Would I let the lighthouse go up my ass? No.
You thought he was sitting on the lighthouse. That's a bonk on your part.
That's a bonk on your part. No, it's a bonk on your part.
I didn't know if I could fit inside of it. No, you said you didn't think that the lighthouse would fit inside you.
I didn't know if it would fit. That's a different question.
Would you let the lighthouse fuck you? What did I say? You said, I don't know if it would fit. Correct.
It referring to me. No, you're a liar.
Okay. I mean, that's just you.
Just choose your own adventure, but that's fine. Got a couple tweets.
I see how it is. Should we do? I didn't tweet it.
I'm saying this to you with my words. No, you didn't think it in real time.
You saw other people say it to you, and then you're just recurdishing those takes. No, because I didn't think of it at the time.
Exactly. But I wanted to address it.
Be quick one time, PFT. I wanted to address it.
One time in your life. Okay.
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
All right. Well, let's go to, let's do our overly direct takes.
All right. Let's move into our overly direct take presented by DirecTV.
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Offer not endorsed or associated details at DirecTV.com. Alright, overly direct takes.
What do you got? My overly direct take is that the Bears are going to go 0-17. Ooh.
I think the Bears might have the first and second pick in the draft. That would be nice.
That's my overly direct take. I think that the New York Jets should answer the phone when Carson Wentz calls them because apparently Carson Wentz has proactively reached out to the Jets this season.

I think you should heed that call memes.

I think that I've reached the point where Zach Wilson is such ass ass that

Carson Wentz,

although ass himself is a significantly smaller ass than Zach Wilson.

I also have a direct take overly direct take.

I think Russell Wilson will get benched this year.

Oh,

I like that.

I do.

I do. Sean Payton has no allegiance to him.
No. I don't know when they can get out of his contract.
I'll look it up. Jake and Max, give us an overly direct take.
My overly direct take is that if Tua Tungvaloa stays healthy, the Dolphins are guaranteed a spot in the AFC Championship. Oh! What's his middle name? Tua? Oh, Donnie.nie Yeah Donnie Guaranteed, Jake Yeah You dropped a hard G If he stays healthy Fully healthy If he doesn't miss any games Last year, they were probably in the same spot before he got hurt Guaranteed Guaranteed, Jake What are you going to do if that's not true? You can't just issue a guarantee without backing it up Shit Ray Allen tweet No No.
Ray Allen tweet. No.
Ray Allen tweet. Russell Wilson can't get out of the kid.
First potential out is 2026. Now, obviously, that can.
I mean, contracts are a joke in the NFL. So maybe that changes.
But first potential out 2026. So Ray Allen tweet? Would the Jets want him, memes? Never.
Russell Wilson? You want Russell Wilson? Sean Payne would probably givene probably. The Bears will probably get Russell Wilson and be like, this is the guy.
Probably give him up for like a fifth round pick at this point. And when I say this is the guy, I mean, I'll say this.
Also, last week, my overly direct take was the Cardinals would win five games. Doesn't look so crazy now.
Oh, Jake. Nice.
Max, what's your overly direct take? Not NFL, but Penn State will be going to the college football. Oh, nice.
Yeah, you beat up on Iowa. I know we're going to talk college football on Wednesday, but, I mean, I was right.
The haters were out for Deion. I told you guys the haters were ready for him.
Ready for him. I think most people weren't hating on it, though.
I think people were. If you're a college football fan, you kind of expected this to happen.
Yeah, but the casual 23. But the hate was there was a lot of hate.
People don't like Dion. I understand it.
I think most people do, though. I don't know, man.
I think some people don't like the fact that people thought noobs to the sport thought that Dion was going to go like undefeated this season. Yeah, which is crazy.
That is crazy. I bet Oregon.
Yeah. And we did say on the show that he is going to go undefeated, but that was strictly because we just didn't want Dion to clown on this after everyone.
Yeah. All right.
Let's do who's back the week and the show. Who's back the week? Hank.
My who's back of the week is cinema. Oh, go on.
Okay. Oh, killers of a flower moon.
No, that movie. I'll watch it because it's Scorsese and Leo, but it's not like popping off with the trailer.
It's like three and a half hours. Yeah, I don't watch that trailer.
I'm like, I need to see this. Yeah, you know, but I will.
But the WGA and AMPTP have reached an agreement. The strike is over.
Oh, it's over. We're back.
All right. Are you breaking news? To me, you are.
That broke. It broke right before we started recording.
Wow. Huge.
All right. I didn't think it was like breaking moves worthy because, you know, football.
But. Right.
Yeah. But now we.
So how bad are the shows going to be for a while? I think it's like a year and a half lag time. Like, you're going to get really bad.
We're going to get all the reality TV you can handle in like a year and a half. That's not the worst.
I like reality TV. The NFL scripts about to be popping though.
Yeah. I mean, they got, they got Taylor Taylor.
That's it. Is that a coincidence? Taylor goes to a game the day that the writers are back.
The, the footage of Taylor and Travis walking out after the game was very funny because they were doing the awkward middle school walk next to each other where it's like we should be holding each other's hands. But their hands were like green lined away from each other.
Yeah. Like they were afraid to be seen in public.
Holy hands. Yeah.
What if it's just a fake relationship? Oh, man. What if this is like a Tom? Duped.
What if she's a beard? Believe in love. Okay.
Believe in love. Okay.
PFT, your who's back? My who's back of the week is Lou Holtz.

Oh, yeah.

Lou Holtz is back big time.

Ryan Day after the game against Notre Dame just cut a WWE promo being like,

I want to know where Lou Holtz is right now.

And it was like 1 a.m.

Lou Holtz is asleep. He's been asleep since 6 after he had dinner at Golden Corral.

And he's just waking up in the morning probably at like 4 a.m. for his tea time reading the newspaper like what's what's this guy saying about me and it was uh that was Mahomes yeah they're all variations you want me to make it greeny and Lou Holtz my wife woke me up this morning and it was it was very funny to see Ryan Day get so pissed off at an 86 year old man it made me uncomfortable because Ryan ryan day's not that guy like he i did not think he had that in him i hope he ramps it up i hope he i hope he dedicates every game this season to beating the shit out of teams just to rub it in lou holtz's old wrinkly face also very funny uh ryan day being like we've had one bad half in two years yeah i guess if that's how you want to talk about about the two times you lost to Michigan, Jim Harbaugh stuck his dick down your throat.
One bad half. That's fine.
Well, he was in the snow that one time. Big bad weather in two years.
Yeah, that was a great game. We're going to have Andy Staples in studio on Tuesday.
So we'll talk all college football. But yeah, I just love the fact that Ryan Day was walking around all day thinking about Lou Holtz talking shit about his old man.

This son of a bitch. It's the best.
College football is the best. It's the weirdest sport.
Like he was he actually was doing he was thinking about Lou Holtz on the sideline during that game. Yeah.
Like this motherfucker trying to fall asleep at night. Lou Holtz's face just dancing around in his head.
Yeah. Called us off.
My who's back is the Oakland A's

Being a dumpster fire of an organization

Fuck He's just dancing around in his head. Yeah, called us soft.
My who's back is the Oakland A's being a dumpster fire of an organization. Fuck John Fisher.
Sell the team to someone who keeps the team in Oakland. You piece of shit.
The Oakland A's gave Miguel Cabrera a going away present because he's retiring. They gave him a $90 bottle of wine,

which is a cheap, terrible gift.

Miguel Cabrera also is a recovering alcoholic.

Yeah.

So the Oakland A's are the biggest clown show.

There was no way for them to know that.

We didn't know that about Miggy.

Unreal that they did that.

Un-fucking-real. It's funny in like a sick way.

Yeah.

I don't think it was intentional.

It'd be funny if it was intentional.

If they're that classless and they knew it about him and they gave him a bottle of wine,

that would be funny in terms of just like how bizarre it is.

Yes.

But it's probably just the fact that they didn't have a gift for him.

Like, oh, yeah, he's retiring.

Let's just send our intern out to the store.

Here's the credit card.

Make it nice

but not too nice yeah please don't don't spend too much money on this 90 bottle of wine uh jake your who's back my who's back is second place oh unfortunately it was a big second place weekend the theme continues for this podcast archers over water dogs pll championship and orlando squeeze over DC Pickleball team.

Wait, the Orlando what?

The Orlando squeeze.

Orlando squeeze?

We lost to the squeeze. pll championship and orlando squeeze over dc pickleball team and the wait wait the orlando what the orlando orlando squeeze yeah in a dream breaker what's that what it's their name for tiebreaker this is mad libs oh my god that sounds like a movie the water dogs yeah we watched the game that's oh miss the two at the bottom okay all right i want to be very clear we did not lose that.
The refs took it from us. Correct.
And the shot clock operator took it from us. Correct.
I want that guy investigated. The archers right there.
We're playing the archers. The archers got the ball with like a minute left.
There's a shot clock in lacrosse. They didn't start the shot clock until like four seconds after they had the ball.
I don't know who that guy is. We should be looking at him as the name of the head official.
Oh, wow. Jay calling him out by name.
I want. He's a great guy.
Oh, is he a great guy? Hey, he doesn't know how to do math and it comes up with good clicks. He like curses back at the players.
Huh? Sounds like he's worried about himself and not maybe, you know, that was bullshit though. We should have won that game.
We almost won that game. Yeah.
How does it feel to lose two championships in one day? All right, you tell me. You lost two, Max.
Yeah, you're part of this podcast. I don't own that team.
I don't either. I'm part of them.
You're part of it. Wow, Max, what a fucking dick.
You guys are dicks. If the Water Dogs won, you would have celebrated with us, Max.
You're a dick, dude. Both those teams you have invested interest in.
This is the first full season that Max has been a Waterdogs fan. Yeah.
And we finished in second place. And DC Pickleball.
And DC Pickleball. I just think that's interesting, Max.
The fucking squeeze. The Orlando Squeeze.
I cannot believe we lost. We're up 2-0.
I hate the squeeze. You can't lose to the squeeze, man.
And then they forced the Dream Breaker. always beat us.
Yeah. Dream breaker is electric, by the way.
Pickleball listeners will appreciate that. Oh, man.
Max, what a scumbag move by Max. I don't know.
Penn State, though, right? Yeah, Penn State. Penn State.
Penn State. I'm sure James Franklin will win a big game.
Actually, you know what? Now I'm officially rooting for Penn State to make it to the Final Four. Lose to the championship.
And then lose to Georgia by 70 in the national championship. That's memes.
Memes versus Max. Yeah.
There you go, memes. You guys want to do a Monday reading? Sure.
What do you got? I got – I found this. I was reading to my son the other night, and I didn't realize I had this book, so I thought this would be a good Monday reading.
Oh, God.

It's called Hello, Lighthouse.

Hello, Lighthouse is the book.

I know we said we weren't going to do any more Lighthouse talk.

Yeah.

No, this is Monday reading.

Yeah, this is Monday reading.

Wednesday, we're going to do the, I say we call it the finale for now.

Finale for now.

Yeah, it'll settle it once and for all.

Once and for all, we're going to, that's a great teaser, finale for now. Finale for now.
It'll settle it once and for all. Once and for all.

That's a great teaser.

Finale for now.

But hello, lighthouse.

The highest rock of a tiny island at the edge of the world stands a lighthouse.

Wait, this isn't at a football stadium.

Let me see.

Go look at it.

Look at the first page.

It's in the water.

Hello, lighthouse.

Hank, this is kind of your speech. A lot of pictures.
From dusk to dawn, the lighthouse beams. Hello, hello, hello.
Hello, lighthouse. Just for it.
The new keeper arrives to replace the old to carry on tending the light. He polishes the lens and refills the oil.
Do you guys have oil in yours? And trims the burned end of the wick. Through the night, he winds the clockwork that keeps the lamp in motion.
During the day, he gives the round rooms a fresh coat of sea green paint. He writes in the logbook and threads his needle and listens to the gathering wind.
Jake, read a page.

Jake, take the announcer voice. Yeah.

And then, Max, you just... A little tip

for anyone, children's books.

You just skip, like, the middle because then they don't

realize. And then...
It's quicker.

You go right to the end. So we'll have Jake read

this, then Max read the end.

Okay. This is bullshit, though.

This lighthouse is nowhere near a stadium.

But it's near Body of Water, right? That's what we'd talk about. This lighthouse is nowhere near a stadium.
But it's near a body of water, right?

That's what we talked about. Whoa, is that a teaser?

Yeah, it's a teaser.

And I can't wait to have this discussion.

Wednesday's going to be on.

Embrace debate.

On.

Again, just so everyone's clear, it's the finale of the lighthouse for now.

Yeah.

We do not want to box ourselves in saying we're not going to talk about this lighthouse. Somebody did send me a picture of the lighthouse at the Billy Joel concert.
Yeah, me too. It was pathetic.
Pathetic. It was dark, rainy, and cloudy.
You literally walk into the stadium like, where's the stadium? Where's the stadium? Well, if it's dark, rainy, and cloudy, it'd be nice if there was a light that was turned on that people could see. There was.
It was pathetic. You can't see it at all if you're in that end zone.
Stevie Nicks literally said, this is the coolest lighthouse I've ever seen. I had to say that.
Yes, she did. She stopped in the middle of one of her songs.
I was like, oh, my God. I had a moment where I was like, we've gone too far.
My son didn't have school on Friday, so my wife took him to the Shedd Aquarium, and she sent me a picture of a lighthouse in the Shedd Aquarium and I was like we can't be bringing lighthouses home like this is too much this is following me so I looked at I got so far in the bit that I I almost bought a lighthouse well what does that mean I found a lighthouse that was for sale for eighty eight thousand dollars online. Let's buy it.
And I almost bought the light. And then I clicked on it and looked at the pictures of the inside.
And I was like, that's going to require a lot of elbow grease. That's a fixture upper.
Now I want to buy one. Also, that was not in my son's room.
I bought that. Oh, it won a Caldecott medal.
Oh, what's that? I don't know. All right.
Finish this off. Shiny thing.
Give us a page. Then Max will finish the book.
The wind takes a deep breath and blows and blows. Hello.
Hello. Hello.
Hank, you can keep this book. All right, last page.

Max?

On the highest rock of a tiny island,

at the edge of the world stands a lighthouse.

It is built to last forever,

sending its light out to sea.

The fog rolls in and the fog rolls out.

The waves rise and crash.

The wind blows and blows.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? That actually wasn't the last page. It was.
The wind blows and blows. Hello.
Hello. Hello.

That actually wasn't the last page.

It was.

How'd you fuck that up, Max?

To the lighthouse.

Great.

To the lighthouse.

To all lighthouses.

Great, great show, boys. Are you doing all lighthouses matter?

They do.

I can't wait for Wednesday.

Can we go PowerPoints for the YouTube viewers?

If we can get like, I would like to subscribe.

Maybe get like a courtroom scene.

We can get General McFuckface up here.

Dude, his name is Commander Kroll, and he's a fucking commander in the United States military.

All right. I think we need PowerPoints.
commander in the United States military. All right.

I think we need PowerPoints.

I need PowerPoints on Wednesday.

All right.

We'll have a debate.

Yeah.

We'll hear this out.

I'm not presenting anything.

I'm worried.

All right.

Fine.

We'll debate.

Yeah.

We'll debate.

You're going to get smoked in this debate.

Well, you guys are going to gaslight me and convince me I lose no matter how much evidence

I prove.

All the time.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay. All right.
Numbers. Three.
69. 18.
One. Memes, you ever gotten this? Nope.
No? Nope. Okay.
25. 20.
Shane? 10. 10.
87. Gronk.
87. Gronk.
Future Mr. Swift.
Wait. Isn't Kelsey also 87? Oh, yeah.
Kelsey. Whoops.
Kelsey's 87 as well. Oh, yeah.
Okay. That's fair.
I'll put it this way. If Travis Kelsey married Taylor Swift, Travis Kelsey takes her last name.
If Gronk marries Taylor Swift, she's Taylor Gronkowski.

Yeah.

She takes his name. That's a fact.

That's a fact.

All right.

We'll see everyone on Wednesday.

Love you guys.

Bye. Thank you.
Love us. Say on me Thank you.
I'll hear you go, hear you go, hear you go, hear you go, hear you go, hear you go, hear you go. Things that we say Every little I hope Just to play my word Breathe away You're all the things I've got to do Shine away I'm coming to you The main light Shine away I'm coming to you The main light Wake on me Take on me Yeah.
I'll be right back. Take on me.
Take on me.

I'll be gone.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me Take on me