Brooks Koepka, NFL Week 3 Picks And Previews + The Niners Are A Wagon

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, NFL Week 3 picks and preview. Fantasy Lad Boys and our good friend Brooks Koepka in person.
We went out and golf with him today. We talked Ryder Cup.
We talked how many majors he's going to win.

We also got a guest question from Jersey Jerry.

Very, very funny questions.

He had two very funny questions.

Great interview with Brooks, and we wrap it all up with Firefest.

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Okay, let's go. It's part of my take.
It's part of my take. It's part of my take.
Welcome to part of my take. Today is Friday, September 22nd.
And the 49ers are really fucking good. Yeah, Brock Purdy's really fucking good.
Throwing some dimes. Yeah, okay.
I still like Brock. I think he's better than just a system guy.
I like Brock too, but there's a lot of times he throws passes and then his receivers are so fucking good that it doesn't matter. Or they're so wide open it doesn't matter.
Or that one where he threw that was a terrible pass and then got tipped up and then caught for like a 20-yard. I like Brock Purdy.
Where did it hit his receiver? What? Where did it hit his receiver? It was wildly overthrown. In the hands.

Yeah, but I like Brock Purdy, but this was maybe the first time.

Maybe it's because it was a primetime game where I was like,

Brock Purdy's good.

The guys around him are really fucking good.

Yeah, one thing Kyle Shanahan's actually kind of figured out

is that the one place on the football field

where there are very few defenders is behind the line of scrimmage.

So maybe just throw a lot of passes there.

Yeah. Because they're very hard to pick off.
They're just, I mean, the defense is fucking phenomenal. They just bottled up the Giants.
And I don't even like, the 49ers are now at a point where, I know it's early in the season, but we obviously know last year they were a very, very good team. When teams lose to them, I don't even ding the team.
And I'm not even saying saying the Giants are trash. The Giants just had to play the Cowboys and the 49ers, which might be the two best teams in the NFC.
Might be the two best teams in the NFC. What do we think? I think that division is the best teams in the NFC.
Okay. But either way, the Giants, that was a tough road trip for them.
They're 1-2 going back home. The 49ers are just that much better than pretty much every team in the nfc and maybe every team in in the nfl i want to i want to tip my cap to the uh to the officials for what they did right before halftime tonight yes a little dust up on the field yes between trent williams i forget who on the giants it was against uh they didn't throw anybody out even though both players kind of threw punches at each other i like that let the boys play boys play.
Let the boys play out there. It's football.
Let them scuffle. Let them get in each other's faces.
A lot of Twitter narcs out there are posting the video of Trent Williams throwing a punch, neglecting to throw the previous punch that was thrown in that highlight clip conveniently. But I like it.
I like them. Assess offsetting penalties.
Let the boys play. Yeah.
Danny Dimes, not so good in prime time. I think it's, I don't even know what his record is at this point, but it's very, very bad.
He had a tough night. Again, very tough team to play against.
Not a ton of weapons. Saquon's out, but he was 137 yards, which is hard to do in an NFL game, especially when you throw the ball 32 times.
I like danny danny dimes can throw some danny

dimes as long as they don't get a big hole you know yeah like as long as it's a close game he can break off a couple passes but when you're expecting a pass from the giants they're not really able to air it out on you this also was like one of those games where uh the giants used so much effort coming back against the cardinals and daniel jones was so phenomenal in that second half he like half. He didn't run the ball tonight.
You didn't see the full Danny Dimes when he's actually playing very well. But yeah, the 49ers are fucking awesome, and I don't really know.
I'm going to do a quick look at their schedule to see when they're going to get tested first. Let me ask you this, Big Cat, while you're looking that up.
If the Super Bowl were today, do you think that the 49ers would win it? Yes. I think so, too.
I think they were the best team in the NFL today. Well, they were the only team ready to play today because I'm not counting the Giants as being ready to play.
Oh, great. The 49ers play the Cardinals next week.
That's awesome. Then they do get to play the Cowboys on Sunday Night Football in Week 5.
Very excited about that. Very, very good.
That rules. But yeah, the 49ers, I don't know.
At the Eagles later in the season is maybe their toughest remaining game. They're just going to waste teams.
They're going to absolutely waste teams, and we're going to find out if Brock Purdy's the guy yet again when we get to the playoffs. That's really what it's going to be.
Very excited about the matchup against the Cowboys. Yes um okay so yeah Giants uh go home play the Seahawks I think they're playing next so got a long week yeah mini bye yeah mini bye Brian Dable was throwing throwing flags around was getting angry I like to see that fight he was ready to play he was ready to play uh but yeah not a great game for the Giants tonight no party no birthday party for his if you're gonna have a party brian this is the saturday to do it oh they got it uh seahawks at dolphins at bills and then commanders that is not easy nope the giants could very well be like a two-win team going into november yikes but that's also kind of what we expected when it comes to the regression monster that is biting the Vikings and the Giants right now from last year's incredible runs.
I'll go ahead and make a prediction. If they only have two wins going into November, I think the Giants will be the best two-win team in the entire NFL going into November.
Oh, I like that. The friskiest two-win team.
They're not that bad. I also think that we do need to.
I know you're maybe more in on Brock.

I like Brock Purdy.

I think he's a good quarterback.

But I think that for the sake of being able to talk about the 49ers,

because it's boring to talk about a team that's dominating everyone,

we need to keep alive.

Is Brock Purdy good?

Yeah.

For our own fodder.

Do we trust him in the playoffs?

Right. We don't know.
We won't know until he gets to the playoffs. Is he injury prone? Right.
We don't know. Right.
Because that's all Brock Purdy is at this point because I think he's asserted himself as a bona fide NFL starter. He's a good quarterback.
But then we get to just have the discussion, game on the line, Brock Purdy's got to go 80 yards do we trust him and it is it's shocking if you watched a lot of college uh a lot of college games where he was playing at iowa state where it's brocktober it's brocktober but outside of brocktober yeah you watch a lot of big noon kickoff he goes out there doesn't play that well it takes a while to unsee all the stuff that you've seen already yeah so i feel like we've seen enough from brock i like. Yeah, but it goes back to what we talked about on Sunday, Hank.
Like the Niners, at this point, if you're a Niners fan, you just want to play the playoffs right now. Because they're ready.
They are ready. They're the first.
I'm going to say right now, the Niners have clinched a playoff berth. Congratulations.
Congratulations to the San Francisco 49ers. That's huge.
Also, the Kansas City Chiefs have officially won the AFC West. Congratulations to the Chiefs.
We were the first to have it, so when it happens, please credit part of my take. Congratulations to the New England Patriots on drafting Caleb Williams with the first overall pick.
Oh, wow. Hank, you're not going to...
Oh, you're booing? Why are you booing? Because you want him? I don't want Caleb Williams on the Patriots. I want Caleb Williams on the – well, no, I'm backing Justin Fields.
Memes, would you rather lose this game or beat the Patriots this game and now they get Caleb Williams? Oh, man. Mm, mm, mm, mm.
Answer correctly. He's really taking his time.
Lose his game. Oh.
Okay, so Memes is laying down, raising the white flag. Yeah, go pet his belly, Hank.
It's over. Okay, let's get to the rest of the slate.
We got a ton of preview to do. Let's kick it to ourselves.
All right, it's time for our NFL weekend picks and preview segment brought to you by Uber Eats. We love Uber Eats, pardon my take, and when you're preparing for NFL Sunday, knowing you'll be watching all the action for eight straight hours, not leaving your couch, you'll want to get delivery on Uber Eats, the place to get almost, almost anything.
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Order now. Alcohol in select markets in 21 plus to order product availability may vary by region see app for details uber eats get almost almost anything order now we will talk about what we're going to eat from uber eats uh this weekend maybe for the for the night game i got some ideas so we'll do that in our preview boys week three maybe not the best slate but no they're all No, they're all good dogs.
They're all good, but I have a bone to pick, and I think we need to start being more vocal about this. This is something we've talked about in the past.
This is something we have stood on firmly. The nine early games and three late games is an abomination.
It's tough. It should be seven and five.
It's an abomination to the Lord. And looking at the late slate, it's not good.
It's an abomination to the Lord. Yes.
This schedule, whoever made this schedule, Roger Goodell, this is sacrilegious. Well, they thought a couple teams, the Bears, would be good.
But either way, we need to... Also, no, this is the worst part is that there's only one 3-0-5 game.
Right. So we're going to be watching the Panthers and the Seahawks for 30 minutes.
3.05 shouldn't exist. It should be seven games early, five games late, and all of them starting at the exact same time.
You have the 12 o'clock central time or 1 o'clock, and then the 3. 325 or 425 for the late games.

Don't do the thing where we have to be like, oh, shit, this game's about to start.

We got to get our bets in.

And don't do the thing where we have three games.

It's basically like they give us an overdose of football to start the day.

And then they're like, oh, you like that?

You like that high you just had?

Well, guess what? We're taking away your supply. It's tapering off.
And we're cutting into a third. It's tapering off.
Giving you Andy Dalton. Yeah.
But then on Monday, we've got the doubleheader, which is nice. I do wish that the games were a little bit more staggered on Mondays.
I don't like that there's so much on the last. It's a doubleheader, but it's not a doubleheader.
It's a doubleheader that starts in the third inning. Yeah, which I like.
I remember that one year we had Mike Golick, Mike Greenberg, and Mike Ditka on the broadcast. Mike and Mike and Mike.
And we had the Chris Berman, the pun is blocked. Yeah.
The classic call. But yes, it is fix it, NFL.
You do almost everything right. We don't complain about a lot because we love football.
That's not true. We complain about some stuff.
But we're not like Florio. Right.
We don't complain like Florio. I'm willing to admit that my life is better because football is in it.
Yes. But because we love it so very dearly, we want to have the most amount of football possible.
This is just such a simple fix that they could easily do that I'm just begging you, asking you, because I think next week's the same thing. There's no rhyme or reason for it.
I'll go halfway. I'll go eight and four.
8-4 I can deal with. The 9-3 is a bullshit thing.
The problem is when you're watching like a loaded early slate of games, there's too many games on to pay attention to at once. And then in the afternoon, you've got all the games that you don't want to pay attention to on at the exact same time.
Right. It's like wasted calories.
Empty calories in the 3 o'clock window today. All right, so let's get into the games.
As we've been doing this year, we're going to talk about the early slate, what games are going to be on TV. We actually fixed it, though.
We actually were able to watch every single game last Sunday because we got the YouTube multi-view, which is nice. But the main TVs, let's start with Bill's Commanders.
Let's start with them. I think that is probably the best.
It's either that or the Falcons-Lions. I mean, also the Jets and Patriots for sicko reasons.
For sicko reasons. For perverted reasons, yeah.
That will be on there, but it's 0-2 versus 0-2. But Bill's Commanders.
Yeah. No, 1-1.
What? Oh, yeah, the Jets are 1-1. That's right.
Yeah, that's right. My bad.
My bad. My bad.
The Bills commanders, going to be a great game. PFT.
Yep. I have a staff for you that should make you maybe a little scared.
Well, I'm already scared, but go ahead. Josh Allen has 57 wins in his career.
How many of those 57 wins are by seven or more points? A lot of them. I'm going to say 24.
30. 43 of the 57 are by 7 or more points.
So the point spread is right around there. It's 6.5, but I think the Commanders are ready for this game.
I'm teetering on the edge of delusion when it comes to the... I'm always teetering on the edge of delusion, just in life, but when it comes to the Commanders, I'm feeling like if we win this this game i'm thinking nfc championship game i said i'm thinking that like the commanders are for real for real if they win this game if they lose i can just be like okay we just need to steal one from philly and i'm happy at three i'd be very happy at three and one i told you if the commanders are three and one they're for real for real i think they're for real for real if they win this game if they, Big Cat.
That's how delusional I'm getting. Why not? Let's get it.
Why not us? Sam Howell looked awesome. He was a great guest on Part of My Take.
And I feel like – actually, I saw a very funny thing. The Bills, the last three times the Bills have played whatever you're going to call the Washington team, they've had three different names.
And then they're not going to play again probably for a couple years.

It'll be four different names in four years.

The Bills are very, very good.

I'm willing to acknowledge the fact that

this is going to be a tough matchup for a

defense. If anything,

maybe the D-line can get after

that Bills offensive line, but

Josh Allen is Josh Allen, and he's good. He's still

good. He's still good.
I have a good stat for

you, though. Hit me.
Last five years, teams after playing in Denver are 24-10 against the spread. Because our bodies are just soaked in oxygen.
You feel awesome. Saturated with oxygen.
Coming out of the mile high. And by the way, we don't have Jake here because he's in Atlanta for the MLP, Major League Pickleball.
We have his nerd nuggets, though. Yeah.
He sent them to us. is gonna read them for okay we'll kick we do a jake voice at least yeah i would like to hear that but first max before you say that i want to correct the uh the error that we had last week and we've seen all over the media i can't believe i actually blame myself for not speaking up at the time i forgot about this you know the stat about pittsburgh not losing a home monday night game yeah in what since 1991 how quickly we forget the year 2020 when covid switched everything around the washington football team that was a wednesday night game right it was a monday night game i think it was played on monday night but it was originally supposed to be like a thursday night game i thought it was played on like a tuesday well it was you also were wrong about double renegade people were correcting i saw that a lot of people were tweeting a lot of people are passionate about double renegade i saw that i do appreciate the awls because like i heard double renegade waking up on wednesday morning and having all these people be like you gotta get your boy pft and check there was no double iade.
I heard two renegades. All right.
But the 2020 game between the commanders or the football team and the Steelers, either it was played on Monday night, but it was supposed to be like Thursday night football, or it was a Monday night football game that got moved to Wednesday. I know it was not played on a Monday night.
I feel confident in saying that. December 7th, 2020.
Let's look at a calendar real quick. December 7th.
Oh, maybe it was played on a Monday night. Pearl Harbor Day? So it wasn't a Monday night game, but it was moved to a Monday night game? Yeah.
Got it. So we did.
It was like a Thursday night football game that was rescheduled to a Monday night. So we did beat them.
That doesn't really.

Yeah.

The COVID year doesn't count for anything.

I think this one should count.

That was the Steelers.

Yeah.

11-0.

Yeah.

The worst 11-0 team of all time.

Yeah.

That was tough.

It's always tough.

It was kind of like the Vikings last year when a team has a record and everyone's like,

well, the record is really good.

And it's like, but we know.

We know. I'm going to have all my boys being like, yo, you got to correct your boy, Big Cat.
That was actually played on Monday night. That was played on Monday night.
Yeah, Double Renegade hurt you. I heard two Renegades.
How? I heard two Renegades. There was one coming out of one commercial break, one coming out of another commercial break.
Was it piped in? It might have been piped in on the broadcast. Yeah.
They take Double Renegade very seriously in Pittsburgh. I can tell.
As they should. I can tell.
as they should. Well, the fact stands that it was immediately after the renegade was played that.
How can we know if there was even one? Shut the fuck up. Sir, sir.
A second renegade. All right, Max, nerd nugget.
All right. I don't really know how to do a Jake voice.
You got it. I will try and go.
Come on. You got this.
Okay, got it. Bill's star wide receiver, Stefan Diggs, is from just outside the D.C.
area and has played on the road against the Commanders twice during his NFL career. In two games at Washington, Diggs has totaled 17 catches for 242 yards and one touchdown.
Wow. You got it towards the end.
That's a great nerd nugget, Max. You sound like a radio DJ.
Went to school in Maryland, yeah. I actually think not only the Maryland connection, but the fact that Jack Del Rio likes to play man coverage, I think Stephon Diggs is going to eat on Sunday.
We'll see. Forbes is going to have his hand full.
Yeah, he's going to eat. I'm going to bet some props.
All right, next game, Falcons at Lions. This is going to be fun to see what the Falcons are and what the Lions are, actually.
Jan Campbell did say they needed that loss for reality to come back down to reality. They do have a ton of injuries.
CJ Gardner-Johnson, he played the entire second half with a torn pec. Is that right, i mean yeah that's what i saw on twitter okay so that's right that's as much sourcing as we're gonna do uh so the lions trying to find out like are they like this is a game they should win if they have hopes of being one of those top teams in the nfc i kind of like the lions in this game but but I also saw that clip of B.
John Robinson that looked like an actual video game. Yeah.
And he might be my favorite player right now in the NFL. He's got the most balance.
That run doesn't happen if the defense isn't focused on Kyle Pitts being the most effective decoy of all time. Yes.
Arthur Smith versus Dane Campbell. I think the biggest matchup of coaches, like physically, if we're taking their weights, dividing them by two.
Arthur looks good. Andy Reid.
Huh? Andy Reid. Iberflus.
Well, no. But if Andy Reid.
Oh, you mean just this weekend. I'm talking about this weekend.
Just this weekend. Got it.
Yeah. Two big boys going at each other.
Mustache football. Belichick and Salah? No, Belichick's skinny.
He's on that Olympic. He's got that shot going.
But I really like what Arthur Smith is doing with the Falcons. I like it a lot.
He's playing just like pound you in the mouth football, smash mouth football, RIP to our good friend. But I like the Falcons in this game.
I think that they're a very sneaky team because they don't have like a splash they don't have Desmond Ritter he's not he's not being looked at as being like a top 10 quarterback top 15 quarterback yet he's probably not but they just get the job done I don't know how they do it the Falcons just get the job I feel like this is the perfect game for the Lions though with the injuries they have especially in the secondary their defense does not look like it's that much improved they've only got what they've got one playing defense. Yeah.
Hutchinson and then nobody else. Yeah.
Well, what's his name? Malcolm. Rodrigo.
Rodrigo. But Desmond Ritter doesn't scare me in the slightest.
No, that's what I'm saying. But the fact that he doesn't scare teams, I feel like, I don't know, they just look like a good football team.
Yeah. They look like a good all-around team.
I feel like the Falcons are going to be a solid team all year but there will be moments where Desmond Ritter has to do something it's like Kenny yeah and also the Lions have I think Taylor Decker might be hurt I think no they got a shitload of Robin Ross St. Brown by practice this week yeah so I don't know I just he'll play I feel like yeah they'll all.
They'll all play. But I just feel like people are sleeping on the Falcons.

I like the Falcons.

All right, Max, Nerd Nugget.

The Falcons have been flawless in the fourth quarter this season,

outscoring opponents 27-0 in the final 15 minutes in their first two games.

Wow.

Good one.

This is the best fourth quarter scoring margin in the NFL.

Nice.

Pretty good.

There's a lot of detail in these.

It's through two games.

What is it? Yes, through two games. That is the best fourth quarter scoring margin.
What is the margin again? Twenty seven to nothing. OK.
It was the Packers game. Yeah.
They they they were down 12. Yeah.
The deep. I think the defense is mid in Atlanta.
I don't think that they're a great defense, but I think they get something about the Falcons. They just get the job done.
They're not sexy. We didn't talk on Sunday because it's all a blur.
But the fact that Jared Goff was so good at a fake, he handed the ball off and he pretended that he still had the ball and got hit like five seconds after the play. Elite.
Yeah, I like that. Elite.
I like that. I don't like him getting hit for no reason.
But something about the guy, like when you do a handoff, I like it when they stick the ball behind their legs so they hide it, and then that sets up the fake stick the ball behind your leg again, and then you get smashed. That's a Rodgers trick.
Yeah, I like that. All right, next up on the TVs, Broncos Dolphins.
Will the Broncos maybe win a game?

No.

Probably not.

No.

I don't think so.

Tua, this podcast is Tua non-sponsored.

Tua is now the betting favorite to win MVP.

I think that's throwing your money away.

He's pretty good.

He's been pretty, pretty good this year.

I am.

It's two games. I'm hoping.
Well, I'm just stating facts. He's now the betting favorite to win MVP.
Yep. And I would like to see maybe Vic Fangio revenge game.
Yeah. Vic Fangio revenge game.
Russell Wilson. I got to figure out a way to bet this because the Broncos threw two games and maybe this isn't how it's going to go, but their scripted plays Russell Wilson in the first quarter has looked great and then it just all falls apart.
He just goes back down to check down. It's the first and the second quarter is pretty good last week too but the second half they just don't make any adjustments.
I don't know what's going on. You know what? I might flip on this if Russ wears a wristband this weekend.
If it's a wristband game, then it's going to be all scripted as far as I'm concerned. Also, we get the Miami Heat.
Always a story early in the season. Yeah, I want to see the giant thermometers out there.
I want to see Russ Pugh. I want to see Russ Pugh.
How long do you think it lasts for like, because the Dolphins run the old school Denver-based rushing attack. Because they got Mike McDaniel, took it from Kyle.
Kyle took it from his dad. His dad coached in Denver.
Something about just Denver running backs, though, I still always think are going to be nasty because of the lingering effects. Are there any lingering effects of the old school Denver running attack that still live in Denver, Colorado? Mike Brown, Orlando's Gary.
Yep, all those guys. Mike Anderson.
Mike Anderson., beast. What was I thinking of? I don't know who I was thinking of.
Orlandis Gary, though, I remember as well. Yeah.
Yeah, there was a stretch where it was like, oh, it doesn't matter who's back there. Well, actually, it did kind of matter because they won two Super Bowls with Terrell Davis.
That's true. So we kind of tricked ourselves to be like, it doesn't matter who's back there.
Yeah, it really does. But then with sean payton and mike mcdaniel i feel like i i want to hear sean payton's like truth serum thoughts on every single coach in the nfl because you know he's got takes we've heard some of his takes i want to hear what sean payton says behind closed doors about mike mcdaniel because i'm pretty sure he hates him yeah probably rinky dink football yeah candy ass candy ass yeah the way, the Broncos' defense has been bad.
And I don't know what they were basically the last few years. That was the thing that was keeping them in games, keeping them somewhat competitive.
It's been bad. I feel like the Dolphins might eat.
Yeah, and they're also hurt on defense, too. Yeah.
Okay. Nerd Nugget.
The Dolphins are 8-1 at home all time versus Denver.

Come on, Max.

The Broncos' lone win in Miami was... Jake Voice.

You had it.

Here.

Let me do it for you.

Okay.

Okay?

Let me pull it up.

I got to find it.

We are on Broncos, Dolphins.

You also got to make sure that, to be true Jake, you got to got to like fuck up one thing and then just get really upset at yourself. Okay.
Broncos Dolphins. The Dolphins are eight and one all time home.
I can't do it. No you do it.
It's hard. You do it.
There it is right there. The Dolphins.
You got this. Broncos at Dolphins.
The Dolphins are 81 all time versus Denver. The Broncos' lone win in Miami was October 23rd, 2011, which was an epic comeback win led by Tim Tebow.
Oh, that's right. From? Oh, yeah.
Florida. Interesting.
Interesting. That was good.
That was good. That was good.
It is the. I'm going to send it to Hank.

I'm going to forward it to Hank right now.

He's going to have to be the guy going forward.

It's definitely the matchup of the biggest difference in elevation in the NFL.

Right?

Denver to Miami.

Miami is probably like.

No, probably New Orleans, right?

Yeah.

Below sea level.

Anyways, the point stands that Russ Wilson is probably going to puke.

Yes.

I would like to see him puke because then we can make some fat jokes. It'll a good time i just forwarded to you hank all right next up jets patriots this will be on tv memes versus hank uh hank first question is for you yep are you nervous about the first game away from the lighthouse no i think it's good it's good to get away the lighthouse.
It makes it that much better when you see it on the way back. You know, as any sailor knows, you can't appreciate a lighthouse if you don't go out to sea.
Yeah, there's no such thing as light without the dark, right? Right. Exactly.
So by out to sea, it's interesting that you brought up the lighthouse, Hank. He always does.
You always do. You love talking about that fucking thing, the big glorified glow-in-the-dark butt plug that you've got I did actually hear back from the Coast Guard oh no regarding your last question Hank did you do any research I did okay okay if you remember on Wednesday's part of my take Hank was incessantly speaking of this lighthouse and said that oh well they probably don't have the current stats and the current roster when it comes to lighthouse facts that i gave which was that cape hatteras lighthouse was in fact the tallest in the united states i heard back from coast guard because i asked you asked me to ask hank and uh commander kroll says thank you for reaching back out for clarification and for sharing the lighthouse information with your listeners the coast guard has a long and proud history of managing our nation's water, so I hope your listeners enjoyed learning about this mission.
To answer your question, yes, the fact sheet I sent is current. By definition, federal aids to navigation are any marine aids installed and maintained by the U.S.
Coast Guard. Aids to navigation include lighted and unlighted buoys, lighted and unlighted fixed structures such as day beacons, ranges, and lighthouses.
For a lighthouse to be considered a federal aid to navigation, it must be clearly visible from a federal waterway as a reference point or to mark a hazard to navigation. Pause.
Hank is thinking. When you said close to a waterway.
A federal waterway. Hank's brain started to go into map mode.

And I don't think Hank's map in his brain is very good.

It's not up to date.

I'm thinking Rhode Island.

Hank has like four things in his map brain.

You know Rhode Island's not an actual island.

Rhode Island.

It's not that far off away from the water.

Hank, could you draw us a map of America from memory? I could draw the outline. Okay.
So, Hank, so in other words, it's not a lighthouse if it's not visible from a federal body of water. And that's to be determined whether it is or not yet.
No, I'm pretty sure the Coast Guard looked into that.

And what was your research, Hank?

I was watching some videos trying to find some proof to prove PFT wrong.

Okay.

And I stumbled upon one of the greatest YouTube videos of all time.

Probably one of the most viewed videos ever.

Yeah.

Lighthouses rule. You don't like the most viewed videos ever.
Yeah. Lighthouses rule.

You don't like the lighthouse?

You suck.

Drinking out of cups?

It's a great video.

Hank.

That was your research?

I would actually submit that I love lighthouses so much that I want to protect them against

imposters.

Correct.

You, on the other hand, must hate lighthouses.

You think everything's a lighthouse.

PFT is like the people go around looking for stolen valor, but for lighthouses. Exactly.
Just like the patriots aren't. You're not really being a true patriot if you can't acknowledge that the United States military.
I am being a true patriot. I got to get on a boat.
I got to get on a boat and go up and down the sea line because I think there's some views. I think you can get it.
There's a clear line of sight. No, there's not, Hank.
You're wrong. It's a fucked up, stupid lighthouse.
They call it a non-traditional lighthouse. Non-traditional lighthouse.
A.K.A. not a lighthouse.
Not a lighthouse. It identifies as a lighthouse, but we don't accept that identification.
No, I don't. I don't at all.
Hank? The jury's out on whether or not you can see it from the water. I still think there's a chance.
You think that this lighthouse should be able to compete against traditional lighthouses? This is a to be continued. Hank's going to do some more research.
He's out of facts. There's no more.
We'll update everyone on Monday. I fucking hate that thing.
Hank, we'll have to do some more facts searching. PFT, we were driving by an airfield.
He just goes, F-35, F-16. That's a 22 bomber.
I didn't say. I said F-16, F-5, F-14B.
Wrong. And I was right about all three of them.
You can't identify planes. You can't identify lighthouses.
You might be just structure blind. I'll get into a plane off with you any day of the week, hey? I fucking love it.
All right, to be continued. Okay, but as far as the football field goes.
The Jets have not beaten the Patriots since 2015. 14 consecutive losses.
That's a long time. That's a long-ass time.
Do you think the Patriots can play spoiler? Yeah. You do.
They're ahead of you guys. Yeah, they are.
And everyone going into this game, I don't know what the preseason line was for this

game, but the Pats couldn't have been favored.

I really do think that whoever.

Oh, yeah.

With Rodgers?

No, you're right.

Whoever loses this game, it's like it's a franchise destroyer.

Yeah, this is a franchise destroying game.

Yeah.

I mean, was it last year?

The punt return?

One of the greatest games of all time.

Absolute barn burner.

I'm expecting another one of those this year.

Was that last year?

Yeah. This is going to be the same exact game yeah yeah three to three you gotta be pretty nervous for this game huh memes uh i'm pretty pumped i think it's a win oh you're pumped i think it's a win win either way how one positive side you win they're both positive oh win and the patriots are dead it's first time the patriots will start off oh and three since 2000 bill Belichick's first season as Patriots head coach.
Okay're both positive. Win, and the Patriots are dead.
It's the first time the Patriots will start off 0-3 since 2000. Bill Belichick's first season as the Patriots head coach.
Okay. And then...
That's coming, actually winning. When was the last time they started 0-2? 2001.
What happened that year? They won the Super Bowl. But this would be 0-3.
It's good context if he's got to go into historical... But did you guys win the Super Bowl in 2000? No, we didn't.
So if you lose this game, you'll be 0-3. Yeah.
All right. So this is the season.
Yeah. Okay.
That's very fair to say. I think it's the franchise.
Okay. And then other win.
Other win. Zach Wilson has a humiliating game, and then you get a new quarterback next week.
Okay. Yeah.
Speaking of Zach Wilson, do you know I have a good stat for you uh i have a good staff for you watching some of the niners giants game uh i have a good stat for you memes do you know zach wilson out of the 34 quarterbacks that have had 300 plus plays since the start of last season he's actually not the worst i did not know that He's the second to worst. Who do you think the worst is? 300 plus plays.

Since the start to worst. Who do you think the worst is?

300 plus plays.

Since the start of last season.

Who's the worst quarterback statistically?

The way you're asking makes me think it's going to be shocking.

Mack Jones.

No.

Deshaun Watson.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

That is shocking. So, Zach Wilson, better than Deshaun Watson.
Let's go. I'm just trying to bump you up, bro.
Let's go. Okay.
Hank, are you going to be betting on the Patriots? Yeah. Yeah.
You have to. Okay, give us our nerd nugget.
You said it already. Oh, which one? 2015? The Patriots have beaten the Jets 14 straight times, and a win this week will match the team mark for most consecutive wins over an opponent.
Parentheses, New England beat Buffalo 15 straight times from 2003 to 2010. That's so awesome.
Suck it, Bills Mafia and memes. You geek.
That the Patriots have two of the longest winning streaks of all time against both divisional opponents? Yeah, I mean, they've owned the division. You're somehow making me miss Jake.
You don't like the voice? No, I miss Jake. I miss the real deal.
I miss it. I think the first one was good, and then you start feeling yourself a little bit too much, Hank.
No, that was the man. You think the geek was ad-libbed? That was the double parentheses.
Okay, next game. Chargers-Vikings.
Loser leaves town. Yeah, for sure.
So, a couple things going on with the Chargers right now. Brandon Staley firmly on the hot seat.
Also, I'm getting flashbacks to the Matt Nagy 2018 double doink and then the next season carryover because people are asking Brandon Staley about the Jacksonville loss in the playoffs. And so he's having to address that as he should.
He keeps saying that the Jacksonville loss hasn't carried on to this season whatsoever. If you've seen our training camp, if you've seen the way we played the first two games hadn't hasn't had any impact on our team whatsoever.
I actually would disagree because we have seen the first two games. I'm going to say it's a carryover.
He's in his own head, whatever it is. I don't know if it's actually the last playoff game because he started doing that a little bit last year.
You remember he started to get away from the super aggressive Brandon Saley, let's go for it on every fourth down, which would just drive people insane. He started kind of fading away with that when his defense was really good or he thought his defense was really good.
Now his defense is not good at all. I think they're probably, what, the worst defense in the NFL? And he's a defensive head coach.
And he's a defensive head coach. So he's all fucked up in his own head right now.
I don't think he knows what's a carryover and what is just like a carryover from last week or a carryover from yesterday or a carryover from five seconds ago when he's confused about what to do on the field. I think he's just fucked up in his own head brandon saley maybe you're just a defensive coordinator and that's not the worst that's fine that's fine there's a lot of guys out there vic fangio yeah jack del rio yeah there's a ton of guys vance joseph yeah there's a ton of guys brian flores brian flores the vikings the vikings defense is also not very also very bad so this this screams also just the color scheme of these two teams playing each other.

It screams over.

This is a good over matchup.

Well, it screams I'm going to take the over,

and then there will be no less than three or four red zone turnovers.

Yeah.

Where you're like, how is this game not over?

But I have this game on the TVs.

It's going to be a fun game.

Also, the Vikings signed Cam Akers, which little throwback Cam Akers, the Twitter exchange that always makes me laugh when Cam Akers in 2021 said, I want a girlfriend, man. And then Captain Cush replied, I'm pushing 30.
Never had one. Chase that money and dream, man.
A girl will come along eventually. And he replied, with all due respect, I'm not trying to be like you, bro.
Yeah. Just totally dunked on a guy who was actually like being nice and genuine to him.
Yeah. Well, no, I think the guy was, what was the Twitter avatar of the guy that replied? It was Captain Cush.
Was it an ape? That sounds like an ape. No, he was just a guy with a sailor hat on.
Not a board ape? Yeah, Captain Kush. 0003.
But yeah, Cam Akers, probably not going to change anything. I did see the funny joke that it was like Cam Akers got signed to the Vikings so that Alexander Madison's not the worst running back on the team anymore.
Yeah, it feels like maybe the Vikings should have kept Dalvin Cook around. Maybe.
I don't know. Instead of going with the guy that they think is Dalvin Cook in some of their press photos, they could have just stuck with the real guy.
That's got to be such a bummer if you're a backup running back who gets all this publicly and like give him more carries, give him more carries. Because you get such a little amount of carries, everyone is like, look at his flash, look at his legs, and then you get the starting job.
It's like, oh fuck, this is why I was a backup. Yeah,.
It happens that he was getting in on downs when Dalvin was very, very tired and the defense was tired. Because Dalvin ran.
Because Dalvin ran through him. And so now that he gets in with a fresh defense, it's like, wait, can we take back? Can we do a takey-backy? Yeah.
I think Kevin O'Connell and Brandon Staley look a lot alike, too. I feel like they're cut from the same cloth.
Yeah. Might be related.
A little bit. I'm going to look into that.
Yeah. Also, reminder, because we have to remind everyone, the new nightmare, Kirk Cousins, 48-38-2 against the spread at the noon slot, and then 21-34 against the spread 3 p.m.
or later. Yeah, I like Kirk in this one.
New nightmare. I like Kirk.
I also don't think that's – I know it's easy to just point out the quarterback. Justin Herbert's been pretty good this year, though.
He's been okay. Yeah.
He's not the problem. The problem is the defense.
He's been good. He's not great in the second half, though.
Yeah. His team's like the – it feels like Justin Herbert is a great quarterback who when you need to ice a game away or get first downs or get some of the like even last week against the Titans they get the ball in overtime three and out like and I know they're trying to push the ball downfield more which they should because he has an insane arm but yeah you gotta I feel like Justin Herbert has to I it's a lot to put on him but I think that the way they paid him and the way he's talked about he does have to have a couple hero ball games where it's like we won solely because of Justin Herbert yeah uh the good news for the charges though Austin Eckler's probably a lot of those quarterbacks out there there's not a lot but he's getting paid like one that's my point it's like it's not it's unfair to put that on him like Daniel Jones is not no he's not no he's that guy.
But there are certain guys where it's like you get talked about in a certain, you know, rarefied air that, yes, you were expected a couple games a year to have a game where it's like you were so fucking good that there was nothing the other team could do. So that's kind of what I'm looking for from Justin Herbert.
This could be it. Austin Eckler being back is a big difference, too.

Yes.

Huge difference.

I feel like he's the one running back that isn't talked about the way that he should

be, given how good he is.

Yes.

Like, he's really good, but I think people see a Chargers running back, and they're like,

well, they've always had a good running back, so should we really be giving this guy all

the credit?

No.

I think Austin Eckler is good enough to give him all the credit.

Very good.

Nerd Nugget.

Kirk Cousins has thrown 25 passes to wide receivers. Justin Jefferson.
Whoa. This is a different voice.
The fourth most touchdown passes by a QB wide receiver duo in franchise history. The tandem is just one score shy of tying quarterback Warren Moon and Chris Carter for third place all time.
Ooh. okay.
That really isn't that interesting of a nerd.

The fourth most.

They're close to being.

We're on fourth most.

Yeah, fourth most.

That's not good.

Okay.

And we're talking franchise history.

Yeah.

Fourth most watch.

Who could forget?

Fourth most.

Do you think they'll stop the game?

What is the other one?

It's obviously Randy Moss and Culpepper.

Yeah.

And then probably maybe Culpepper and Chris Carter. Or Gus Farratt, Chris Carter.
Probably Randy Moss and whoever came in. Yeah, we kind of need more context here.
Not to nitpick the Nerd Nuggets. Okay.
Next game on TV. Saints-Packers.
Yes. Good game.
Find out who's for real. I don't think the Saints are.
I actually don't think either team either team is that good no I don't think the Packers are very good either yeah I think they played a weak opponent week one I don't know who that was um but I don't think I don't think either team is good I agree with you on this because like we saw we saw Monday night Derek Carr looked very humid the team looked uh they looked kind of slow compared to Saints offenses that I've seen in the past as you Taysom Hill, probably the best quarterback in that game. We're probably going to get a heavy diet of Taysom Hill again.
I think I like the Saints, but I don't love either team. Yeah, I think the Saints, if they – the one speed – I mean, Olave is pretty fast.
Did you see Mad Dog pronounce his name as Olive? He's like, Olive had a touchdown. But Rashid Shahid needs more play.
That guy's electric. And it's a great name to say.
He's good. Again, play Jameis.
All the complaints go away once you play Jameis Winston. We become a Saints podcast the minute you put Jameis Winston.
Jameis101 had a great graphic that he's been tweeting out recently. Have you seen it? It's the side-by-side comparison of Jameis Winston to Derek Carr, and then it lists probably 15 different stats on there, and all but two favor Jameis Winston.
Some of them, there's like four that have asterisks on them, so you have to zoom in and read what the fine print is. The fine print is actually, if you counted games where Jameis Winston came in in mop-up duty in the fourth quarter and just took knees every time or didn't throw the ball, he would be this much better than these current stats are.
So the asterisks were actually, the stats should be better than they are, but I kept them as the bad stats, and he's still better than Derek Carr. It's unfortunate, too, because a couple years ago, all the stats were Jameis Winston versus Dan Marino because it was all like before the age of 26.
Yeah. Jameis Winston, unfortunately, time is undefeated.
He's getting older. Now we're going Derek Carr versus Jameis Winston.
Feels like it's slipping. Well, the good thing, the good news is that if Jameis never starts another game, we still have the ability to look back and say, if he had started this many games, here's what his stats project to.
Greatest quarterback of all time. The greatest quarterback to ever live.
Yes, yes. Nerd Nuggets, Saints-Packers.
The Packers have won. I can't do this.
Yeah, just do regular voice. Packers have won 10 consecutive home openers, longest current streak in the NFL since 2019.
The Packers also have the best record in the NFL at home

27-6.

That is Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, it's an Aaron Rodgers stat.

It's an Aaron Rodgers stat.

Okay, before we do the next

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Why?

He made contact with an official.

Well, what was the official wearing?

Did the official present themselves as somebody that wanted to be touched?

Yeah.

The failure to eject Deshaun Watson ultimately traces to money, said Mike Florio. Okay.
I disagree. People want to keep watching.
Follow the money. Follow the money.
Okay. All right.
The squadoosh. Let's follow the money.
Like guacamole. I don't know.
Florio is looking at his contract and saying, follow the money. But I don't know if he's thinking about what fans would want to see necessarily.
I feel bad because I i do love i love love love mike florio he is a dear friend uh but this is just a sign that we need an nfl controversy because if this is what we're writing about that uh deshaun watson bumping an official he should have been ejected the nfl wants very badly for deshaun watson to be on screen at all time representing the nfl correct Correct. Yes, that's what Florio said.
Got it. Yeah.
So we got to get something going on. We got to get something going on for Florio.
This is a sad state if he's writing like two days after the fact that Deshaun Watson should have been ejected. You know, Florio's at his best when there's like a looming labor strike or like a lockout.
Yeah. And he gets to dive and read contracts and shit.
When it comes to the actual contact on a football field, that's when the takes really start to fly. Yeah, I know.
So we got to get something good for him. Mike Vrabel is an underdog.
That's all I'm thinking about in this game. Yeah, I like him.
And no Nick Chubb. It's brutal.
It feels like this might be, if the Titans go into Cleveland and win this game, it might be it for the Titans. Well, Kareem Hunt's back.
Is he officially? I think so. Did he sign? Huh.
Yeah, they're getting back into the Hunt business. Brown's really putting all moral standing aside.
Getting them all back there, yeah. Yeah, for Kareem Hunt.
So I feel like, I agree with you. I like the Titans in this position a lot.
I feel like the Titans and the Falcons feel very similar to me. They'll make your life very, very tough when you play against them.
They're probably not going to do anything that flashy, but they'll beat the shit out of you for a while. Yeah.
So I don't know if Cleveland has that toughness right now. They get you in a street fight.
Nerd Nugget. You got this.
Derek Harry needs one more rushing touchdown to reach Aver's career to become the seventh NFL player within the Super Bowl era to reach 8,000 rushing yards and 80 touchdowns within his first eight seasons. Eric Dickson, Barry Sanders, Emma Smith, Sean Alexander, Nilligate, and Thomas Adrian Peterson.
If you're listening to this on like 1.5 speed, I feel very bad for you. Who was that? Who was the first? Derek Henry.
Got it. Derek Henry.
Needs one more rushing touchdown to reach 80 for his career when does tractor seto season start I feel like so it gets a little cold yeah late October yeah yeah yeah okay if you slow that down though that was perfect that was except you you mumbled Derrick Henry yeah I didn't know I didn't know who you said hearing that part Texas Jaguars hearing that part. Texas Jaguars.
Not a TV game. Not a TV game at all.
Although we are on a record watch. We're on a record watch.
Officially, Stroud boys stand up. CJ Stroud is 12 pass attempts away from breaking a record for most pass attempts by a rookie quarterback without throwing an interception.
There we go. That's a good stat.
like that it's past attempts not not uh completions 91 pass attempts uh most by a QB in his first two starts without an interception so he already has that record the record through three games is Warren Moon with 103 that's pretty good let's go CJ yeah I feel like I feel like we could maybe break that record if we were put out there long enough. Yeah.
We would just get hit and sacked and throw the ball out of bounds directly. Get a lot of intentional grounding.
Yes. Also, Trevor Lawrence is 1-3 against the Texans.
Yeah, the Texans kind of, I think they have the Jaguars number, right? A little bit. That's a division that's filled with weird stats and teams that you wouldn't expect to always beat up on each other.
But I feel like no matter how bad the Texans are, the Jaguars always play down to their level.

Yes.

So not the most exciting game.

I would like to see the Jaguars maybe look like a competent offense

for four quarters.

Yeah, put it together.

Because Trevor Lawrence is phenomenal, but it doesn't feel consistent.

No.

And we saw that against the Kansas City Chiefs.

What's the Nerd Nugget?

Yeah, Nerd Nugget.

Speed? No. You're not built for speed.
No. Although I'm fast.
Why don't we just focus on being able to read? Well, the speed helps that. The Zadderall.
Yeah, well, also, if he reads fast, he can make mistakes, and we can't figure out what the mistakes are. True.
The Texans have beaten the Jaguars. No, just talk.
Max, you just do them again. Just do your regular voice.
Texans have beaten the Jaguars. No, just do it, Max.
Five straight times. The last time the Jags beat the Texans at home was 2017 when quarterback Blake Arthur Bortles had a flawless game.
His middle name is Arthur? You might have made that up. Three touchdowns.
What a great middle name for Blake. Blake Arthur Portals.
Oh, Bab. I love Babs.
Oh, no, that's right. His middle name is Blake.
It's Robbie. Robbie Portals.
Yeah, Robbie. Robbie.
Okay. Colts Ravens to finish out the first slate.
I feel like the Colts might be a little live in this game. Oh, Minshew.
We're going to get a Minshew game. And so Minshew, he's good for one of those surprise-y games, especially considering how injured the Ravens are.
So I feel like the Colts are live wire. They're live wire.
Yeah, I have this circled as my live wire game as well. Yeah, live wire game of the week.
I do like the Ravens. I think they are for what we thought was going to be an incredible AFC.
Obviously, Aaron Rodgers getting hurt, Joe Burrow being injured and not playing well. The Ravens are the one team that's looked good through two weeks.
The Chiefs lost week one. The Ravens and Dolphins are the two AFC teams.
They can be like, ooh, they've looked pretty good out of the game. There are a couple games over the course of any given week where I feel so confident in one team that I spook myself out of it.
Oh, yeah. So for this one, it was the Ravens for me.
And when I'm ever too confident about something, I'm like, well, I'm dumb, so I must be wrong. So that's why I'm thinking that the Colts are a good team this week.
Yeah. See, I'm the opposite where I think the Colts are such a live wire and they're going to cover this game with ease.
I will most likely have to bet the Ravens so we're fading ourselves into against each other we are just a verbal meme it's just pft and big cat in a living room both dogs chasing their tails well what's great about this situation that we have is me and big cat will both be right about this game yeah it's just about which way we're right about it yeah there's it's actually like when two dogs are sitting on a couch together and like one dog tries to bite, like clean their leg and is actually biting the other dog's leg and the other dog's like, what the fuck? That's not your leg. Yeah, right.
That's what we're doing right now. More like a human centipede maybe because we could both find a way to fuck this up.
But I don't know. I fade myself so hard on this.
I'm thinking the Colts. And also like Minshew, you might get a spark from Minshew.
Yeah, you might get a spark. All right, late slate.
Wait, did you give us your Nerd Nugget? No, Max, go back to it. I want to hear Max.
I want to hear Max's beautiful voice. Max had the radio voice going for a second.
Yeah, he was good. Hank, you go.
Why? Hank, go. Hank! Texas have beaten the...
No, we just did that one. Oh, my God.
After last week's performance, Ravens' QB LeVar Jackson owns 22 performances with at least 200 passing and 50 rushing yards, tailing only Cam Newton and Russell Wilson for the most 250 games in NFL history. I miss Jake.
These nerd nuggets don't hit the same. Because you don't have the passion.
Right. He's very passionate about it.
He's got the passion, and then when we, like, say, well, that stat was stupid, he's like, oh, shit. Sorry.
He takes it very, like, personally. it's got the passion and then when we like say well that stat was stupid he's like oh shit sorry he takes it very like personally it's just the the magic is gone right now yeah we can tell you that you're an idiot and your stats suck and you're just like all you guys do is just complain about shit that i said anyways when have i ever said that all right panthers seahawks late slate andy dalton yep let's go andy dalton let's fucking go andy dalton is coming to town to fuck up everybody's survivor pool this weekend yes last time andy dalton played in seattle he threw for 418 yards and a touched in two touchdowns damn in a loss.
Oh, but he did it. He did that.
Oh. Oh, that's Christian McCaffrey, not George Kittle.
Oh, I thought it was Kittle. I thought it was Kittle, too.
Okay, so Andy Dalton is back. I did a little, oh, you know, this is going to be fun.
Andy Dalton. I always like watching Andy Dalton games.
Made me think, oh, Andy Dalton's been in the league for a really long time. So then I went, followed the rabbit hole real quick.
2011 draft, great draft. A lot of really good players in that draft.
Cam Newton, J.J. Watt, a lot of really good players in that draft.
Also saw a name that I hadn't thought about in a while. Did Julio Jones ever really retire? That's a good question.
Yeah, right? I was like, wait, Julio Jones. I think he just silently washed up.
He was on the Bucs last year. Yeah.
And then he just nowhere. He just found a nice warm rock.
Like that. Climbed on top of it and sunned himself and fell asleep.
That always blows my mind because like you can't tell me that Julio Jones isn't better than some of the receivers that are out there. But he probably doesn't want to just not get paid anything at all to go out there and play yeah he's probably made enough money over the course of his career but like go play for the chiefs so then we can all tweet be like oh chiefs too many receivers they got another one shit yeah yeah he could probably pick it or like the bills i'm shocked i didn't take julio jones on my fantasy team yeah that's it no that's a good point i don't think he ever officially retired right so i remember when he signed with the rabbit hole i went down when he signed with the bucks it felt like the last dance for him right but he never said anything right so julio jones he julio jones and larry fitzgerald just hanging out together not retired but kind of retired yeah the 2011 draft yeah it was uh cam newton von miller marcel darius aj, Patrick Peterson, then Julio Jones.
Pretty good draft. Pretty good draft.
And Andy Dalton in the second round. And J.J.
Watt with the 11th pick. Okay, so this game, I don't fucking know.
Yeah, this is just going to be – the problem with this game is we're going to pay very, very close attention to the first half of it because it's a 3-0-5, 4-0-5 kickoff. Right.
And we're going to have to watch it. I like the Panthers to cover the spread.
But they're not going to win, I don't think. No, I don't think they're going to win either.
Because the defense isn't very good. Shaq Thompson's out, right? Out for the season.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I want to take the Panthers, but I think I'm going to be smart. No, I'm going to be dumb.
I'm going to take the Panthers. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Nerd nugget. Max, he's ready to go.
Now I'm ready. Despite playing on the East Coast, the Panthers are actually 7-4 over the last 10 years in regular season games on the West Coast.
That's fun. Wow.
That's kind of fun.

That is fun.

Over the past how many years?

10.

10 years.

Okay, so some Cam Newton in his prime years there.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Next game.

I guess we've got to talk about it.

Bears and Chiefs.

So, the Bears had a day on Wednesday.

Just to rehash, I was actually happy we weren't recording a show that day because it did get a little crazy there in the afternoon. The Bears started the day.
Their starting left tackle, Braxton Jones, was put on IR. We don't know when he got injured.
It was a neck injury. Probably seems very severe.
Maybe out for the rest of the season. Who knows? Bad news for the offensive line.
Oh, that's okay.

Nothing could get worse than that.

Then Justin Fields did an interview where I actually liked what he said,

and he basically said, I feel like I'm playing robotic

and talking about the coaching, maybe getting too much in his head.

He's got to say, fuck it.

I'm just going to go out there and ball, play with more feel.

That I didn't think was that crazy, but it became became a big thing and we'll get more to that uh and then after that the bears defensive coordinator that if you haven't been following stepped away from the team for no reason that anyone could understand wasn't there for the bucks game he filed his resignation by printing out uh on his home computer and then taking a picture of it. Yes, the notes app.
It's the notes app for a 50 year old for boomers. Taking a step back to take care of my health and family.
Then it started a flurry of rumors that got a little out of hand. We still don't really know what's going on.
We do know the fact that he hired a lawyer who then released the statement kind of feels like whenever you hire a lawyer in these situations maybe it's not just health and family but again we don't know speculation was pretty insane on Wednesday afternoon then after that uh Justin Fields did another press conference or or media scrum where he clarified what he was saying saying I didn't mean to blame the coaching it's all on me then they cut nathan peterman who then they re-signed on thursday uh and this all happened on ryan pole's birthday that's a tough that's a tough day for ryan you think he got a cake was he i was he like blown out the candles welcome to 38 club ryan poles yeah sorry man that was That was probably a very big bummer of a day. Oh, you left one thing out, Big Cat.
There was also a video that came out of DJ Moore talking to a player on the opposing team. I forget who he was talking to last week.
And they're like, hey, man, they're not using you right. And he was like, yeah, tell me about it.
Yeah. Oh, and also, Brisker liked a tweet of someone being like, the Bears are a dumpster fire.
so well so i said afterwards that he did that to keep receipts i'm like dude those receipts are never like we're you can't get a refund on that that's why you use bookmarks yeah that's that yeah exactly so um i want to stand up for justin fields for a little bit here yes because what he said wasn't that bad no it was but he was And we want honesty from players, right? We want them to be genuine when they're talking to the media. And then the media are real dickheads about it, and they get one little snippet, and then they just start talking about, I can't believe he said the word coaching.
Well, yeah, no shit. Definitely some of it's coaching.
For whatever reason, the coaching is making him robotic. It's not working.
What they're trying to do isn't working. He said that honestly.
And then they're like, oh, man, he said coaching. That means he hates his coach.
And then they go on and on. Justin Fields is not going to give another interview where he says anything remotely close to the truth.
Or interesting. Or interesting.
But also, he's right with everything he said. And then you're going to complain about him not being friendly with the media.
Right. And be like, why won't this guy give us any good information? Why is he being so short with us? Well, because you fucked him.
Yeah well because you fucked him yeah because you fucked him over damned if you do damned if you don't it was one of those situations where what justin fields said i thought was good he basically was like i have to stop overthinking the coaches are doing their job during the week once we get to the game i have to play my game which hopefully means he's gonna run some more and be the justin fields we saw at the end of last season and then everyone took it to be like he blamed his coaches it sucks I just even for the Bears this is record speed for them to become a complete and utter circus it was a bad day this season and guess what they get to go play the Kansas City Chiefs this weekend And guess what? Also, this probably won't come up, right? PFT, this graphic. Patrick Mahomes is the...
What pick was he in the draft? Yeah, he was pick 11, I believe. And what pick was Mitch? Mitch was two.
Do you think they're going to bring that up? They might bring that up, but no, we got a new one that even hurts even more. Patrick Mahomesomes has the highest winning percentage for QB in NFL history at 79.3% unfortunately Justin Fields has the lowest winning percentage of any NFL and NFL history QB in NFL history with 18.5% I have a feeling that's going to show up so yeah the Bears had that whole thing happen Wednesday.
And then they have to go play the Kansas City Chiefs. And, again, this season, it's even for the Bears.
I am shocked with how quickly. Like, the Bears have had circus seasons.
They've had dumpster fire seasons. They've had seasons where they're a complete laughingstock.
This happened way faster than I thought. And a lot of it happened in the span of, like, 12 hours.
Yeah. It was just the worst day ever to go through.
And then Max said something really dumb today, which was, I'm thinking about betting on the Bears. Well, he said Bears money line.
I said, I actually think the Bears are going to be in this game. I don't think they're going to win the game.
I think they're going to be live in this game because I do think what Justin Fields basically said is, I'm going to fucking, fuck it, I'm running. I'm going to run past everyone.
Do you think the day was so bad that it's like us against the world now? Because I think it quite literally is the bears against the entire world. Yeah.
Although they don't have a defensive coordinator. Did they have one before? Still don't know what happened, which is weird.
Yeah, I do think they're going to give their best effort. But unfortunately for their best effort is probably not gonna be enough how soon until we get a players only meeting i mean they should go players only yeah the whole thing is just a complete dumpster oh and just cherry on top they have not won a game in almost a calendar year yeah we're getting close to a calendar year so yeah i i am on sunday night I was emotional.
I am back to believing in Justin Fields because I have no other option. And I do desperately want him to be good because I like him a lot.
But, yeah, this is a complete clown clown. Gong show.
Yeah, it's a complete joke. And I'm excited.
Yeah, this is going to be a fun game.

Yeah. Well, everybody in the world is going to be betting on the Chiefs.
The more we talk about it, the more I am convinced that it is the Bears against the world. Like, nobody, nobody, even you don't really believe them that much.
No, I believe that they're going to cover the spread. Yeah, I think Max, you want to get sick with it? It's hard.

I mean, now I have to, but it's hard to say that they are going to win a game when they haven't won a game in almost a calendar year. But this is the one.
The Chiefs don't look that great. The offense looks slow.
Yeah, no. It's a revenge game against Matt Nagy.
You haven't even brought that up. The Chiefs, well, it's a reverse.
Matt Nagy revenge game against the Bears. Who do you think hates the other person more? The Bears hating Matt Nagy or Matt Nagy hating the Bears? Well, these guys on this Bears team don't really – a lot of them weren't there for Matt Nagy, so I think it might be Matt Nagy hating the Bears.
Either way, the Chiefs defense is the quiet story of the first two games. They have been very good.
And so that makes me very nervous chiefs offense has not shown their best that's i also think we might get a best from the chiefs offense because the bears defense sucks now i'm talking myself back out of it either way this game's gonna be fun i'm excited for football on sunday but think about this with matt nagy you watched him week one when he had entire off season to drop weird like third and weird like third and one plays that went nowhere. He is going to be looking at this as a big revenge game.
That means he's going to really let the freaky shit fly. And the freakier shit that Matt Nagy comes up with is really, really bad.
Counterpoint. Counterpoint.
The Bears don't have a defensive coordinator. Obviously, Iberflues is a defensive coach.
He's going to be calling the plays. And they don't have very good players on defense.
Just a counterpoint. I think Matt Nagy might just psych himself out of this one.
I would love it. I would love it.
All right. We've got a nerd nugget.
This one's going to hurt. I can already tell.
Nerd nugget. Chiefs tight end Travis Kelsey is currently banging Taylor Swift every single night for the last consecutive 112 nights.
Only Titans wide receiver DeAndre Hopkins has had a longer active streak with 147. That was a great nerd nugget.
All right, Max, go ahead. Give us the real one.
It was close to that. Chiefs tight end Travis Kelsey currently holds the second longest active streak of consecutive games played with a pass reception at 144.
Only Titans wide receiver DeAndre Hopkins has a longer active streak. Nice, Hank.
That was good improv. I thought you fully improvised it, but a little.
Filled in the blanks. Yeah.
Okay. I think that Travis Kelsey is not actually dating Taylor Swift.
I think that this is... Listen, we've been in the podcast game for a long time.
We know it does numbers. Jason Kelsey is a very smart guy.
Yeah. I think him going on the air and saying the rumors are 100% true.
You don't say 100% if your brother is dating Taylor Swift. You just say, yeah, they've been seeing each other.

They're getting along really well.

You don't go with the 100% route.

We've talked about this phenomenon before, but this is one of those stories that I missed the start,

and I've just missed the whole thing.

Okay, so Travis tried to send Taylor Swift a bracelet

after he saw her concert.

Got it.

Didn't get to her, and now they reconnected.

Now they're hanging out quietly, right? Quiet. they're seeing each other quietly okay quietly uh all right cowboys cardinals uh last game before sunday football trayvon diggs acl that sucked yeah in practice i gotta say and this is gonna sound fucked up but if you lose a great player for season, it really sucks when it's practiced because at least I want to see it.
I was talking. I knew you were going to say that.
But it's the truth. You at least want to see it happen so you can go through the emotions of like, oh no, he's down.
Oh no, this is bad. Oh no.
Yeah, there's an injury. But listen, don't you think that you, like I want to see it happen.
I don't want to just get a fucking Adam Schefter treat being like Trayvon Diggs, torn ACL in practice. Is a tree falls in the forest.
I want to know if his own teammate did it to me. It was a false step.
Usually they'll say a non-contact practice injury. Right.
This sounds like it was a contact practice injury. I want to know.
That means they might be protecting somebody that tore his ACL. Yes.
I want to know. I want to know exactly how it went down.
Did Michael Parsons do his little tiger crawl into Diggs' knee? Right. That's what I'm going to assume happened.
And there's definitely a difference. I know there's not, but just hear me out here.
If a guy tears his ACL and it was a non-contact. I feel like ACLs aren't exciting injuries to watch.
They can be. And the only reason, I feel like half drunk because we've been doing shit all day and it's been a long day.
I like ACLs just because when they grab the top of their shin, I'm like, ooh, ACL. I feel like a doctor.
I feel like a doctor. It's the only injury that I can actually tell when it happens because they grab that part of the top of their shin.'m like oh acl you get it i feel like a doctor i feel like a doctor it's the only injury that i can actually tell when it happens because they grab that that part of the top of their shin and i'm like yep acl what i was gonna say though is if an acl happens or an injury happens it's a non-contact injury i can at least come to grips with it being like that was gonna happen no matter what that was a ticking time bomb whereas like a nick chubb thing i you grieve in a different way because you're like fuck this is such fucked up shit that this happened that is such a fluke thing that that just happened and you can be angry for a different direction either way the whole the whole point of this is i want to see it i want to see it to be able to grieve properly yeah i think cowboys fans will back me up i think they want to know what happened right you want to know what happened for You want to know who to blame.
You want to know what to blame. Do we blame the practice field? Yeah.
Did it happen during a play? Is it the sod? Do we need to tell Jerry to get new sod? Did he slip on one of those grates when you're walking out of the tunnel onto the field? Did someone roll up on him? Did someone get rolled up on? Was he doing a drill that was too physical that he should have been doing at practice? Right. Can mad at the coaches about it give it to me did Dan Quinn go did Dan Quinn throw up when he saw it yeah like how bad was it I want to see all these I would oh man I mean seeing Russ throw up would be great seeing Jerry Jones puke would be awesome oh yeah it would yeah it would be a weird color yeah it would be a lot of blood it would be blood and glitter the stripper.
Blood, for sure. All right, Max, give us a stat.
Oh, by the way, the Cowboys are going to win this game. Cowboys.
Yes, Cowboys. That Cardinals defense is real, though.
The Cowboys are going to win. So real.
So real. They gave up 28 half.
In the second half. It started to rain.
It did start to rain. They're so real.
Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott will play his 100th career game in week three against the Cardinals. He does suck, but he is the only player in NFL history with at least 150 touchdown passes and 25 rushing touchdowns in his first 100 games.
A lot of picks in there, too. You've got to throw that.
I'm still mad that he hasn't thrown an interception this year. Well, the offense has been very, like, vanilla because they haven't had to play.
They haven't had any game pressure. Yeah, let Dak cook.
Right. Really unleash Dak this game.
Okay, last game. Is Buda Baker playing, Max? No, he's on the IR, but that's probably, like, a ploy for him to get traded to the Eagles.
They're doing an IR ploy. Yeah, this is a Jonathan Taylor thing.
That's definitely a ploy. Okay.
Steelers at Raiders Sunday Night Football. Oh, yeah.
Hey, you remember Jonathan Taylor? Yeah. What's going on with him? The Browns should call him.
The Browns should absolutely 100% call him. Yes.
Yes. Or the Vikings.
Okay. So Steelers at Raiders.
I don't know if this game is going to stink because the Steelers play very boring football.

They can't play any worse.

They can't play any worse on offense.

And the Raiders' defense is not good,

so maybe if Matt Canada can't get an offense going against the Raiders,

then just don't let them back on the plane.

We gave all the stats about the Steelers.

The craziest one was that they didn't run a single play inside the 30-yard line, and they won.

Yeah.

I don't know when the last time that's ever happened.

It's quite shocking.

They need to score at least one offensive touchdown on a drive that lasts more than like five plays.

Yes.

Yes.

I'd like to see two first downs and then a touchdown on a drive by the Steelers.

Yeah.

That'd be nice.

That would be nice.

Yeah.

Maybe like a couple runs mixed in, maybe a play-action pass, and then like a 20-yard touchdown. Yep.
Yeah. Okay.
Should we do our picks? So standings for the, what are we calling it, for the major league bracket? And then we'll have a triple A. I don't know what we call it.
So if you remember, if you missed last week's show, the punishment is still staying the same. Vegas show, one hour for the loser, 15 minutes for the runner-up, 15-minute opener, and we've split it up.
So it's Max, Memes, and Jake in one bracket. They will be, one of those three guys will do the opening act for 15 minutes.
Me, PFT and Hank One of us will do the hour-long show in Vegas Right now, I'm at 3-0-1 Hank's at 1-2-1 PFT's 1-3 And then in the little kids table Jake's 3-1 Max's 1-3 Memes is 1-3 Still early Still very, very early One good weekend makes up anything. But there is a problem right now.
I did point out to PFT. He is in last in all of our bets right now.
Yeah, but my team's 2-0. Which is pretty sweet.
It's true. That's true.
What did it cost you? Everything? Yeah. So Dinger's only.
PFT's going to lose. Pancake.
Hank is just running away with it. He's got 18.
And PFT's in last with two. I would like to see Lane Johnson put a couple pancakes on film.

Need some pancakes.

Okay, picks.

Who's going first?

This time?

Yeah.

Yeah, I believe it's me.

Hank picked first week one.

Big hat.

Okay.

I'm taking Saints plus one and a half.

Ooh.

Okay.

Saints plus one and a half. I will be taking the Chicago Bears plus 12 and a half.
Ooh. Okay.
Saints plus one and a half.

I will be taking the Chicago Bears plus 12 and a half.

Ooh.

That's a lot of points.

A lot of points.

They pay these guys to play football too, Max.

Okay.

Jake is going to take the Lions minus three so that he sent me his picks in the preferences.

Okay.

I'm going to take the over in Bill's Commanders. Ooh.
I like it. I like that.
Let's get some points going. I like it a lot.
What's the number? 43 and a half. Hank? I am going to take the under in Chargers Vikings.
Okay. What's the number? 54 and a half.
Yeah, that's gross. Okay, that's gross.
That's a lot of points. How dare you? That's a lot of points.
Yeah, but that's a fun game. We want that to be fun, Hank.
How dare you? Why can't you root for fun once in your life? If it was 52, I could root for fun. 54 and a half is too many.
Okay, I have two picks. I'm going to take the Bengals minus three.
I actually think this is the Bengals week to right the ship. I've been the Bengals whisperer.

I've nailed them both weeks, and now's

the time. Now's the time to get ready.

Little extra rest for Joey B.

Monday Night Football.

Bengals minus three.

And then I will take

I'll take under

Steelers Raiders

42 and a half. I just don't.

Steelers just don't. Their offense.
Doesn't that scream of like a 17-13 game? It does. Yeah.
Okay. Great uniform matchup though.
Great uniform matchup. Like old school uniform matchup.
Dolphins minus six and a half. Oh, you bitch.
He bitched you. You're a bitch.
Got him. I'm going to take the Patriots minus two and a half.
Fuck yeah. Ooh, nice.

Let's go, Hank.

Two and a half.

All right, Jake.

Playing away from that.

Getting away from that lighthouse is going to be good for him.

Jake will take the Eagles bucks over 46 and a half.

And there is the game for the Niners, which we already talked about.

Touchdown Debo.

Who was just out with a season-ending injury two seconds ago.

He healed himself.

Yeah.

He's Wolverine.

No, and Kittle has caught a million passes tonight. Max.
I am taking Bills Commanders under 43 and a half. All right.
I think that's good for you. You think so? Yeah.
I mean, our defense is awesome. Yeah.
I think the only way the Commanders win that game is under. Yeah.
Okay. it to us give it to us i don't like it but ravens colts 44 and a half over oh okay nice by the way i think we should get wings this week i'm in i mean i would love some wings you get almost almost anything at uber eats order now uber eats do it right now almost almost.
I think we go wings Sunday night. Feeling that? Yeah.
Feeling what I'm saying? All right. Let's, before we get to Brooks Koepka, let's do a little Fantasy Lad Boys.
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Oi mate

How we doing gentlemen

Hey gentlemen

Hey gentlemen I don't know. Oi.
Oi, mate. Oi, mate.
What's a good one, then? Oi, mate. How are we doing, gentlemen? Hey, gentlemen.
Hey, gentlemen. We're going to get along very, very well.
My name is Ricky Elliott. It must start on this week.
Ricky Elliott. It's Stephen A.
Smith. Stephen A.
Smith. What do you do, then? Guy's got a fucking cannon off the pitch.
Get him on the cricket pitch. Get him throwing some between the wickets.
Oh pitch he threw out he'd be a great cricketer how'd it go bounce bounce yeah but if you're looking at it from a cricket perspective it's a one I guess that's why I guess that's why Shannon calls him skip what's it him is Travis Kelsey Oh right Cloud chasing

Wannabe celebrity

He's not

Dayton Taylor Swift

He's just trying to get

Some podcast bump

Hands off the lady

Right

And what's sleeper

Sleeper

Is Mad Dog Russo

Oh

Russo

Russo

He was on

Flour Steak

Talking about

Taking edibles

Making a couple cocktails

And watching Colorado

And I said hey

Leo meme

Me too

Me too Thank you. steak talking about taking edibles and watching colorado and i said hey leo meme me too smoking that wacky tobacco yeah all right hey what's up i'm i'm i'm blake blow right like blake might be australian not sure yet not sure where my mom's from uh i'm starting drake lond London.
Great name. Drake? London.
Drake? London's calling. London's calling you, Drake, right now.
We like Drake London this weekend. And then I'm sitting brushing your teeth.
Brushing your teeth. Just drink some cider, innit? Drink cider.
Good as good as nothing. Eat a piece of gum piece of gum we're just normal men we're just innocent men my sleeper is soup it's not soup season yet many folks been saying it's time for soup season you can eat soup all you like all year round but it's not soup season quite yet not yet you hold on the soup season clap that you're chasing online embrace debate is guinness the soup guinness soup Guinness is it's barley soup it's coffee it's coffee is soup coffee is bean soup coffee is a bean soup everything is a soup it's a bean soup my body is just blood soup in it blood soup and water water soup water soup the human body is just it's blood water snot, and cum soup.
Cum soup. Cum soup.
My, hey, oi. Oi.
Oi. Oi.
Cheerio. What's a good one? It's Eugene Bottom Snatcher.
Bottom Snatcher. Eugene, I'll snatch those bottoms from you.
Hold on to your arms. Watch out, ladies.
I'll snatch them bodies with my little pinch of grip. My stardom is the Echoes.

We're waking them up this weekend.

Notre Dame.

That's fucking Irish.

Versus Ohio State.

Great game Saturday night.

I don't even know what accent I'm doing.

Great game Saturday night.

I'm excited.

Let's be honest.

Fuck those Catholics.

I'm excited.

The Peaky Blondes.

My name is Arthur fucking Shelby. They'll get me back.
My sit-em is the cubs. The cubs stink.
They stink. They stink.
They stink. And then my sleeper is Rupert Murdoch.
He retired. That little Australian cunt.
That guy's going to die soon. I meant cunt in a good way.
He's going to die soon. Right.
He's like Joppa. You take him out of his job, he's going to die.
He doesn't have anything to do. No more news to produce Rupert.
Which one of his kids is going to take over? Lachlan. I answered it for you.
That's his name. That's his name.
I fucking answered it for you. I was going to say Kendall.
No, it's Lachlan. Lachlan's going to take over, you fucking idiot.
You ignorant slut, you. But yeah, Rupert Murdoch, he's going to fall down some stairs and die.
I'm going to call my shot right now. He's dead.
How old is he? He's a dead fucker. He's dead.
Yeah. All right.
I'm so excited for Saturday, by the way. Saturday's the best slate of college football I've ever seen in my life.

Six ranked versus ranked matchups.

And on top of that, Florida State and Clemson play to start the day.

So, whoo.

Hank, what's your team?

Yeah, what are you doing?

Ohio State, I think.

Yeah. Yeah.

Where are you going?

I don't know.

That's the thing.

I kind of want to not drink this weekend, but I'm going to make the game.

I know.

I know.

I know. I know.
I know. I know.
I know. I know I gotta hit up Titus we'll just drink on Friday then but then I don't want to drink the whole weekend that's the weekday that's what I said he doesn't want to drink on the weekend so drink on Friday you gotta that's actually it's gonna be an awesome game I'm so excited for that game and it's gonna be I think very like close so you really need a game that can't be a blowout for a second yeah so you can just be there that's what i would yeah i'd like to actually get into one of these games yeah yeah there's got to be a lot of ohio state bars oh yeah yeah for sure yeah oh yeah have you guys seen the uh have you guys seen the flight aware maps of the guys that draw the college football logos like with the airplanes before each weekend yes they're awesome yeah i don't know who's doing that they didn't they did an elephant for alabama and had like the eyes and the tusks in the route that a plane flew i think it flew over alabama those guys are awesome hank i have a solution for you you don't have to drink uh or you could just drink a couple coors lights while you watch it i think big Evan Titus are streaming that game so you just come and stream get Ohio State jersey just go fucking nuts with them bet a big bet on Ohio State go nuts be like a kind of a scumbag yeah wear your jean shorts your Cowboys jean shorts maybe some Timberlands you got some Tim timberlands no i got some uggs oh okay that's not ohio state that's me yeezys guys do you still have your earrings no i want to see hank show up to work it's also just like knowing that we're going to be getting frank the tank and shane gillis notre dame clips yeah that's hard to go against yeah but someone's got to stop them if those two guys win this game they're gonna take over the world I know I want that it's the greatest combo of all time that's the world I want to live in literally the greatest combo of all time that's the world I want to live in it's like if you if aliens came down to like give us your two best men it'd be like Shane and Frank can you imagine if Notre Dame won the the college football title and then Shane and Frank were just like parting their asses off like as winners together? Shane drinking 1,000 beers, Frank drinking 1,000 Cokes? Yeah, or just like birch beer cream sodas.
But, yeah, I mean, if you think that people hate Notre Dame fans now, just wait until they win this game. If they win this game, the Sam Hartman hype is going to be insane.
Good looking dude, by the way. Okay, let's get to our interview with Brooks Koepka.
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I'm actually drinking a Body Armor water right now, keeping me hydrated while I'm watching football. Don't sleep on the cherry lime either.

Cherry lime's good.

Yeah, every flavor's good.

I haven't had a bad body armor yet, but we're staying hydrated with body armor.

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And now here's Brooks Koepka.

Brooks.

Oh.

Okay, we now welcome on our very good friend, Brooks Koepka. Brooks.
Okay, we now welcome on our very good friend, Brooks Koepka.

We just golfed with him.

He's about to be in the Ryder Cup.

Let's start.

No spoilers, because we got the video coming out soon.

Max is right on it.

He's going to have it out very, very quickly.

Great our golf game.

No spoilers.

Tell us what we are. What would you say, say like where we're at the three of us pft shocked me pft was yeah i shocked myself yeah so you know what i actually feel sorry for you brooks i do because you're good at golf so when you go out there you're not really like that happy if you hit a good shot you're like yeah that's what i'm supposed to do i suck at golf so if i hit one good shot i feel like magic is coursing through my blood i feel like i'm the best golfer in the world for just that one instance you don't get that anymore because you're so good so i don't know maybe like maybe if you suck at golf it's actually better than being good at golf yeah yeah just suck more yeah yeah what'd you think about my use of driver? On everything.
It was a lot. A lot of drivers.
I love that though. Maybe too much driving.
Yeah. You actually got addicted to it that you even tried it yourself, which I did.
Is that like, are there certain things that would, if you did them in, let's say a major, you don't do like driver off the deck because people will be like, what an idiot, even though be the right shot i mean we could try it right or do you in the back of your head you're like i'd rather not be criticized for this shot even though driver off the deck is the play well i think going forward i'll think about that play okay yeah going forward augusta next year missed the first green it's like oh it's gonna be a driver yeah because i. Yeah.
Because I feel like it's just so frowned upon for professional golfers to go driver off

the deck.

Like, be free.

It's like, hey, sometimes driver off the deck is the play.

Got to hit the big stick sometimes.

Yeah.

Right.

Exactly.

Yeah.

What about wearing shorts during a major?

Shock the world.

Yeah.

Well, what's the ruling on that?

I think you're allowed to wear a kilt, but you can't wear shorts.

Is that true?

That seems racist against Americans.

Yeah.

I'll ask Ricky.

I don ask Ricky. I feel like he would know more, right? Yeah.
Right. So let's talk about that.
Your caddy is from Northern Ireland. Yeah.
You're about to play in the Ryder Cup. Are you worried at all about this fact? Because he was saying that Rory's his favorite golfer of all time.
Yeah, right. And you're about to go up against him.
I know. So is there a part of you that's like, if it comes down to it, you're like, can I trust this guy? Never thought about it like that.
Yeah. But I think he's got his American passport, right? I mean, we got to count him.
Okay. Yeah.
I don't know. A lot of people have blue passports.
I don't know. How long has he been your caddy? Ooh, 10 years? 10 years.
So all five majors. Yep.
Has he been your caddy during a Ryder Cup before? Yes. All the other know.
How long has he been your caddy? 10 years? 10 years. All five majors.

Yep.

Has he been your caddy during a Ryder Cup before?

Yes.

All the other ones.

How was he?

Well, we lost, I think, two of them.

Interesting.

Interesting. I'm just saying.

Just throwing out stats.

Yeah.

If we're looking at stats, I think that you might have them all.

No, no.

We won what?

We won in 16.

We won in 20.

18, we lost.

Yeah. So, okay.
We're 2-1. We're on the winning side of that.
We won in 20. 18, we lost.
Yeah, so okay.

We're 2-1.

We're on the winning side of that.

But this will be the deciding factor.

Yes.

Yes.

So we are like about a week away from the Ryder Cup.

How pumped up does the Ryder Cup make you?

Because it feels like everyone we talk to, it's obviously, you're not even playing for money.

But it feels like everyone is just more excited to play in the Ryder Cup than pretty much any other event.

It's pretty cool. It's definitely the most nervous i've been my entire life um like dude if you're in a football stadium people screaming on the first tee and then it just goes deftly silent yeah it's the weirdest feeling in the world like imagine playing football and it's just dead silent yeah it's pretty crazy yeah so you're you said it's the most nervous you've been playing golf is that a good thing or a bad thing i don't know depends what you're hitting if you're hitting driver first hole it's a whole lot easier but if you got like an iron three wood you know bigger face you can hit it wait do you get nervous for majors no not like that no i view it as like excitement right like you get a little jittery or whatever it means but like it's i'm excited

you know what i've heard that it's a privilege to be nervous because it means that you put yourself in a situation where there's expectation on you pressure is a privilege yeah yeah yeah wait so when you go into a major though are you you're not nervous at all you're just excited to play what about if you have a lead let's say hypothetically like a big lead in augusta there's rain

nerves

no not even people like

just slow have a lead let's say hypothetically like a big lead at augusta there's rain nerves no not even if people are like slow play they're already designing slow play people are designing t-shirts already with your name on it like congrats brooks that's five we're not if people are doing that you don't feel extra pressure at all no because we got five we got five now we got five did you did you feel very smart when you said you figured something out at Augusta and everyone's like, what is Brooks talking about? And it was like, he's literally just saying he's going to walk slower. Yeah.
Yeah. That's exactly what it is.
Just slow play everybody else. That way I play my own speed, right? Right.
Easy. Yeah.
So at the Ryder Cup, Big Cat mentioned it. You guys don't get paid anything.
I feel like the players should get paid. That's basically the NCAA tournament all all over again except for golfers you guys get to win ruining it yeah yeah it's about it's about pride it's about your country which is great i feel like i feel like they could break you off a little a couple mil they do they do really well they do really well for themselves yeah tv rights everybody watches it they need to pay the golfers pay the players we're on the side of the players for the players yeah i love this you could start this pft yeah justice for the players professional golfers don't get paid enough money they're basically living they're basically living in their parents house just like college struggling yeah struggling to get by yes and at the rider cup if you win they should break you off a couple mil that's all i'm saying we could all use a little bit of help yeah what when you get to the rider cup is it weird like having to i assume you guys are kind of all close when you get there because you're all playing on the same team obviously you play with live on a team but is it a different dynamic that you're like all rooting for each other so hard that it like changes how you like view golf yeah it is weird right because you are rooting for yeah 11 other guys the entire time guys you're like competing against in majors you're now yeah i never looked at it like that but it's it's definitely a weird weird situation right because i don't say i'm not gonna say you're rooting against but like you know i would be up there and somebody else is up there i'm i hope they're in the water right i'm gonna be flat out honest right so um yeah i guess it is a little different so like do you guys do like team building exercises would you guys hang out at the rider cup yeah we probably probably get two two hours to ourselves every night and we just kind of all hang out in the team room it's quite fun yeah mess around tell some jokes justin thomas who we're a big fan of he's got a like that's when he's got to shine because everyone was claiming that he just made the team for

the boys club. Yeah.
He's got to

bring some funny jokes. Yeah, he needs

to. He needs to bring it.
He's got to bring

beer. He should show up the first day, a couple cases of

beer. I think he was handing them out last time

on the first tee. That's what I'm talking about.

See? Get everybody excited, right?

We were having the discussion, though.

I know that there was controversy whether

he should be on the team or not, but his

international play speaks for itself.

If you're a guy who...

I don't know. We were having the discussion, though.
I know that there was controversy whether he should be on the team or not, but his international play speaks for itself. Where if you're a guy who – it would almost be like if they had a Ryder Cup for majors, why wouldn't you put Brooks in? He always steps up in the majors.
Justin Thomas always steps up in the international play. You've got to put him in there.
He's a killer. Got to.
Yeah. And you know you can trust him.
Yeah. I mean, I feel good about it.
I'm happy he's on my team. Yeah about max max is nervous max will be fine okay he'll have a good teammate it'll be fine he's gonna be a great teammate yes max is the nicest guy in the world uh from a serious golf standpoint if you're in the rider cup do you play differently because it's a team format are you playing the exact same style that depends on the format but like if we're playing alternate shot i'm gonna hit driver because no matter where it goes i don't have to hit the next one so i feel pretty good about it you know what i mean like it doesn't matter if it's behind a tree you know like i don't have to play it right this is on you now yeah somebody else that's a you problem that's smart exactly very smart uh hank you got any golf questions i was gonna ask the match play putt question pfc just took it right out of my, Hank.
Good question. Great question, Hank.
In a scramble format, if you putt the ball and it stops, like, let's say, hypothetically, three inches from the hole, and then you just walk up and you tap it in casually before your teammate has a shot at the hole, is that a four or is that a five? That is a five. Yes, correct.
I disagree. That is a five.
I agree. Wait, you're on our team.
You're on our Ryder Cup team. I agree.
Yeah. No, I agree.
I misspoke. You said you're taking that shot by hitting the next shot.
Yeah. I misspoke.
I agree. Once you put it in the hole, that's your score.
Yep. That's how it works.
Rules are rules. Good point.
Good point. And we're playing for money.
It matters. Let's talk some football.
Florida State's back. Yeah.
They're better. They're back.
I mean, they kicked LSU's ass. Are you still rooting hard for Florida State? Yeah.
Still rooting for Florida State. I think they – do I think they're a three-team? Maybe not.
But, hey, I don't think Georgia's number one. Let's put it that way.
Do you wish you had gotten Deion? That would have been nice. You ran Deion out of town.
I know. I heard him say the other day he wasn't from Florida State.
Well, yeah. Because you guys ran him out.
So I don't know if we can ever get him back now. He wanted to coach for Florida State, and you guys turned your nose up at him.
Yeah. And look what he's doing now.
It's been a rough few years. Do they hit you up for money? Yeah.
I've been hit up. Do they call you like the Monday after you win a major? After I sign with Liv, I got hit up.
I'll never forget that. They had their Hall of Fame, whatever, induction, whatever.
So I went up November. Yeah.
So that was right after I signed with Liv. Yeah.
So perfect timing. Just saying.
We know you got it. Yeah.
We know you're good for it. Exactly.
Did you give him anything? Are you a booster? No, I'm not a booster. But I help the golf team out a little bit.
Okay. Okay.
That's big. I bet if you called him up and you're like, hey, I'm unhappy with the direction of the program, Deion Sanders would make a big difference here in two years.
Yeah. I bet they'd listen.
Start throwing your weight around. Yeah.
Yeah. Those NILs get a few kids wearing the Smash stuff.
Yeah. Yeah.
My son, Chris, used to be a Four Aces fan,

but I'm coming home with all the Smash merch.

I think we got to convert them.

Yeah, we can turn them.

Wait, so good segue.

Are you a better golfer now that you're a dad?

Blake Jr.? I haven't played like it.

Yeah?

I was a little hungover from the PGA.

That is a bit of a hangover.

Yeah, you made the party a little too hard.

Yeah, it was a little, yeah.

Don't blink, right?

Yeah.

I'm just taking this theme to heart.

Don't blink.

I see the posters everywhere.

I'm just taking this theme to heart. Don't blink.
I see the posters everywhere. I'm like, yeah, that's a nod to Brooks.
Yeah. How long are you officially not hungover? Yeah, we're good now.
We sobered up. Okay.
When did you finish in the U.S. Open? 19th, I think, something like that.
It's pretty good. We're going to get back to Brooks in a second.
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You had a post on Instagram of your son, and it said blake of the year he's wearing a blake of the year onesie a lot of people were saying that you actually did name your son blake uh can you confirm that yeah we're uh we did not decide to go with that oh but uh so it's stolen valor yeah i mean you can still name change also like what if he's known to the general public as blake oh yeah that's fine all right that's perfect that's all that matters. You can call him whatever you want at home.
Yeah, that's fine. We call him Blake.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I'm pretty sure he's got a few Blake outfits. Yeah.
Yeah, smart. We were actually talking before we started playing.
It's our job as the fun uncles to just buy him only Blake stuff. Yeah.
I want him to be confused when he's like five or six years old. What's my name? What is my name? So it's going to go Brooks and then you're going to pass the torch to Charlie Woods and then Charlie Woods passing it to Blake Jr.
Yeah. I think golf is in good hands right now.
Yeah, it is. It's solid.
It's never been in better hands. Will you allow your son to play golf? Yeah.
Okay. There's a lot of money to be made out of here.
We'll keep that generational. Are you going to let him play football? If he wants to, yeah.
Okay. I don't think size or height is on his side.
Yeah. So, yeah.
But Pee Wee, absolutely, yeah. You're a big, strong guy.
Yeah, for a golfer. They said, what height did they give you on the pa today did they say that you were six feet tall uh no they said six two that's you're not six two are you six two and spikes i mean hank's not 5'10 either 5'10 big out of six more and they conveniently left pft's height off yeah which is perfect that's bullshit i wonder who wrote those do you ever do you ever wear spikes like metal spikes i used to way back when i started but i just warned just to hear the click clack yes yeah i thought it was cool and then yeah some people keep doing the click clack and then they walk in people's background shots and you can hear them coming yeah exasperated with yeah yeah why do you really bugs people you know what i mean is Is there a difference between wearing plastic spikes and metal spikes?

You hear the click-clack when you're on the concrete.

Other than that, I don't really think there's a difference.

Could you golf in just normal shoes?

Just Air Force Ones?

Probably, yeah.

I'd probably slip once or twice, but yeah.

Yeah. It doesn't seem like it makes that much of it.

I mean, the spikes on golf shoes are so small.

I never understood why golfers wear cleats.

Yeah, it's not like we're moving that much. I mean, you look at like JT.
He's like off the ground when he hits. Yeah.
Or like Scottie. But he wears metal spikes too.
Yeah. I'm like, you're off the ground.
Why do you need to wear them? If Scottie wore them, he just like tears Achilles on every shot. Have you ever tried to do that? I think he might actually wear metals.
Yeah. Or he did at some time, I think.
I mean, have you ever tried to like move your feet like he does when he's swinging it seems like it's there's a lot going on no but dave portnoy does pretty good job of that he kind of does that yeah um let's look into the future how many majors what would be what you like what's the number i know you have a number in your head it's not not saying I'm going to win this, but like what you would be like,

this is what I feel like I can do. And what I'd be like,

that's an unbelievable career.

I feel like I can get to 12,

12.

Yes.

You're fucking crazy.

I think you think about it,

right?

Like think how many I've already blown.

Like I blew one to Phil.

So that'd be six tiger.

That's seven.

John Rahm.

Well,

Hank blew that.

John Rahm. Yes.
Thanks, Hank. Yeah.
Um, so that's eight. Jon Rahm.
Will Hank blew that for you? Jon Rahm, yes.

Thanks, Hank.

Sorry.

So that's eight.

Could you feel it?

Gary Woodland lost to Gary.

So that's not like I should have.

I feel like I should have nine right now.

Could you feel the shift when Hank texted us and was like,

should we get Brooks on after he wins the Masters?

That was the exact answer.

It was on Saturday.

Yeah.

Could you feel it?

I felt that.

It was in the rain delay.

Yeah.

You did say that. Yeah.
Could you feel it? I felt that. It was in the rain delay.
Yeah. You did say that.

Yeah.

So 12 majors.

12 majors.

I mean, you'd be right up there.

Is there any chance at all?

If we stretch it out, let's say you never choke another one away again.

Hank never screws you over.

Any chance at all you beat Tiger?

I hope so.

That'd be great, right?

Yeah.

That was the benchmark.

Yeah.

Yeah.

14 until I gave him 15. Yeah.
Here's a little tip. Call it an objective, not a goal.
Manuel Acho taught us that. That's positive thinking.
Yeah. If you set a goal and you don't get it, then you failed.
If you set an objective and you don't get it, then you didn't fail. Shoot for the moon.
What is that? I don't know. He wrote a whole book about it.
The old saying is shoot for the moon.

If you miss, if you fall short, you'll be a star.

Yeah.

Which doesn't really make sense.

No, it never made sense.

Stars are closer than the moon.

Yeah.

Yeah, that never made sense.

Be a moon.

Jerry, you had a question for Brooks.

Jersey, Jerry's here.

Come on, talk in the mic.

Yeah, Jerry's got a text.

Jersey, Jerry.

Go sit in the middle. Yeah, yeah.

From the clouds.

No, no, no.

Sit right here in the middle. Sit right here in the middle.
All right. Come on, Jerry.
You're in the middle. From the clouds.
No, no. Sit right here in the middle.

Sit right here in the middle.

Come on, Jerry.

You're used to this.

Seems like the appropriate setting.

Yeah.

Jerry was worthless today, by the way.

Worthless as a caddy.

I'm not a good putter.

I'm a good chipper.

Question.

You were good with the range finder, didn't you?

From the clouds, but I will ask this.

So it's a fuck, marry, kill.

We're going to go Kris Jennerenner ivanka trump and michelle obama good question jerry good question jerry that is a great question thank you how would you answer it jerry um so i would marry chris jenner okay i would i would kill michelle obama okay So I would marry Chris Jenner. Okay.

I would kill Michelle Obama.

Okay.

And I would fuck Ivanka.

No surprises here, Jerry.

Yeah.

It's a tough one.

Yeah.

I think I would marry Chris Jenner as well.

Just for the fact.

I think I'm the same as you.

Just for the fact of like, in case anything happens, I feel like I'd walk away. Exactly.
Yeah. Pretty good with that.
Yeah. What else you got for Brooks? Anything else? That was it.
Oh, okay. I didn't know where this was going.
Thanks, Jerry. Good question, Jerry.
I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
Think of another one, Jerry. Think of another one.
We'll end with you in a minute. Brooks, do you have any questions for us? Oof.
Mm. Mm.
Mm. Do you think this...
I'll ask a question. Do you think this podcast has positively helped you or negatively helped you? We struggle with this sometimes.
Max is a toss-up because people call him pervert all the time. How much does Rick hate us? Yeah, I think Rick, first off, he still had no idea until today

that who, Barstool, pardon my take, he had no idea what it was.

And I think the Blake thing drives him up a wall.

And then for a while, because I think they were shouting

with the Portnoy match that didn't happen.

I think they were shouting Dave, Dave this, Dave that, whatever.

And he's like, who are these people?

So I've had to explain it to him and pretty much everybody i play with i have to explain the blake thing um because i don't think many golfers watch this podcast yeah um which is sad but yeah i i think rick struggles with it yeah i love it i think it's great. When did we first interview? Was it before your second or third?

It was in?

Beth P.

It was right before the third, yeah.

Right before the third.

So we've actually, we've helped you in three majors.

Yeah.

That's pretty huge.

Solo, I can only do it two.

Right. Yeah.

Exactly.

I would say that we also helped with the PIP stuff, right?

Yeah.

Is that what it was?

Yeah.

When I was on the PIP, yeah.

Yeah.

On the tour.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It definitely helped.

Oh, yeah.

How much did you get off that?

Less than my live contract.

Yeah, I know.

How much were we owed here?

Yeah.

You can just give it to us.

Here's a good question.

How awesome is it to be rich?

It's a big cat.

Fuck.

It's better than being poor.

It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's good.
Your's your pool is awesome yeah your pool is sick yeah where you can like see can you see into the bottom of your pool yeah you can see on the side i thought like when that was being designed or when jenna came up with that i thought it was going to go way different way cooler for me and then now it's when you see you on workout video yeah it's like yeah i thought i saw that going differently in my head have you have you reconciled with your dogs or dog my dog yeah yeah because yeah we it's a bad visual it was bad visual max had an incident like that or max yeah where he just had a dog and he just went pet it yeah so that was did you have a like you had to have a conversation with your dog being like sorry. I know that we had that on screen where I just wasn't petting you.
Yeah. It was a bad look.
But yeah, we've worked it out. We've worked it out since.
That's good. That dog needed a boop.
Another serious golf question. What's the hardest shot to hit in golf? Ooh, good question.
Probably driver off the deck backwards. Ooh.
I think that would be tough. What do you call the back part of the driver?

The butt?

The butt of the driver?

Yeah.

Something like that.

Do you have a favorite shot you've ever hit in your life?

Oh.

Favorite shot.

The one that keeps you coming back.

Yeah, that you can like, you sometimes will daydream about. Probably, what was it at belreve par three hit a four and they're like eight feet oh that's pretty rick wanted me to hit five or five i forget what it was i hit five or four rick wanted me to hit the other one and i was like not happening yeah which probably could have helped did you get a par part out no yeah i made birdie there and i can't remember what i did in the last two.
What about – do you know when you're in the zone putting? Can you feel it? Like right when you get on the putting green in the morning? Yeah, I feel like – putting, you definitely know. You got it or you don't got it.
Yeah. And then if you don't – because when we're watching you and you're locked in, it's like every putt's going in.
Yeah. And it's awesome to watch.
It would be awesome if I could do that all the time. the time yeah oh here's a hypothetical you've seen us play do you think that we could compete on the pga tour if we magically every single shot that was on the green any part of the green the next putt automatically went in yeah you could be out there you think so i don't think so yeah i still have to get on the green but the second it gets on the green it's an automatic putt.
You think so? You have to watch how today was played. Yeah.
You can see. Maybe it's a scramble.
Okay. Another hypothetical.
18th green at Augusta. We're on the green.
We have one shot lead Sunday at the Masters. We're on the green, but it's the farthest possible point on the green from the

hole. That's where we start.

That's our first shot. Could

we par out to win the Masters?

No. Justin putting?

No. Justin putting, no.
No?

We couldn't get a four?

No. What do you think?

What would the lead have to be for us on the

tee box of the 18th of the Masters to

win the Masters? Oof. Well, I think

Scotty four putted last

year, right? I forget how many

Thank you. would the lead have to be for us on the tee box of the 18th of the masters to win the masters well i think scotty four putted yeah last year right from like i forget how many feet but i think it'd have to be five five stroke lead yeah i think those greens are so fast i'd blow that i would definitely blow that what if you took the best part of all three of our games and combine them into one golfer? Would we be able to compete on the Live Tour?

Yeah, because you just add.

It depends which team you want to play for, I guess.

Yeah.

So which is the worst team that we could make it on?

I don't know.

Who's in last place in standing?

I don't even know.

Do you guys have rivalries?

We got to get rivalries. It's tough.

We haven't even won.

We're just looking to finish in the podium in the top three right now.

You got to get rivalries going.

You got to start talking shit.

You think it's going to be Cam Smith or Taylor?

Gooch.

Yeah.

And Hank, what's your favorite team?

Four Aces.

And who's on it?

DJ.

Is it a Four Aces podcast or what?

I actually quizzed him on this this morning.

Peter Ulyne, Patrick Reed, Paparez.

Oh, you got it.

All right.

Yeah.

See, true fan right there.

Die hard.

All right.

I'm wearing the polo right now. Roback.com.
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Roback.com, promo code TAKE. My last question is, Jerry.

Jerry, get back up here.

Another question.

This should be a good one.

This should be good.

The first one was great.

Serious, serious one. All right, okay, all right.

Because I'm starting to get into golf,

and one of my favorite golfers is John Daly.

If he wasn't an alcoholic or drunk,

could he have been the best golfer ever?

He's definitely one of the most talented guys I've ever seen.

Ooh.

I pledge you to be nine holes with this guy. I would love to.
He's phenomenal. He's the best.
What do you mean? He just said me. No, but it would be me.
The drinking stuff. You could caddy.
You could caddy.

No, we're not talking drinking.

We're playing golf.

Yeah, but I want to play.

Oh, okay.

I'll sit down.

I'll sit down.

That'd be great.

For you.

I think of him as Mike Tyson.

Yes.

Pretty much.

He's a legend.

He was amazing.

People would love to see John Daly. People would love to see John Daly.

People still love to see John Daly.

He's the man.

I mean, people still love to see Mike Tyson.

That's true.

Does the ball make a different sound off the club with John Daly?

Yeah, it does.

It used to, too.

I mean, he still does, but it's impressive to watch him play.

His son's pretty good, too.

Yeah, his son's actually really legit.

Do you have a favorite golfer?

Mine was Adam Scott growing up up just swings it really good yeah nobody knows who that is no he's the australian guy right yeah yeah yeah i'm a dimple head yeah i know about the golf i love it yeah hell yeah uh he was good he was a good player i don't want to have i don't want to be the best golfer in the world i just just want to have the nicest swing. That way people can just look at the swing and be like, look at that easy swing.
Exactly. Yeah.
Okay. Good job, Jerry.
Yeah, Jerry, you just got one more question. Two questions.
Two. Okay.
All right. Don't take this the wrong way, Brooks, please.
What size shoe is your wife? I think she's an eight. I think she's an eight.
And last question. In the summer, what color nail polish does she use? I don't know.
Summertime? I think she goes for bright colors in the summer. Yeah, she up she just got her nails done the other day Jerry you can stand up now yeah tuck yourself in before Jerry even started at Barstool he used to run a 32 right around March Madness called what was it Feet the Street 64 it was just local women foot contest so they would submit and he'd buy like the winner a $500 gift card for manicure.
He was judging. Wait, what is the winner? Whichever one Jerry likes.
Yeah, Jerry. Yeah, Jerry.
Love a good foot. Were there like upsets? Oh, good time.
Big time upsets. You're going to bring that back? Now, yes, I can bring it back.
He's bringing it back. Are you talking to Mike? What are you saying? Explain it.
Come here. Come here.
Explain it to us. So pretty much how it started was this.
So it was during COVID and I was like Instagram live. I was having fun.
I was like, you know what? I can make a big foot competition so what i did was i had my graphics guy make like a uh a bracket and it was called feet the streets kind of like beat the streets same shit so what i did was i just put like instagram posts every day like hey if you want to compete in this competition and names anonymous it's just feet we're gonna do march madness style i'll make the bracket hey if you're a one seed you're gonna go against this seed you know what i mean so actually a girl from jersey city won it oh and she a lot went into it though you have the ankle you have to show the ankle so i could see the ankle okay the arch is big the color is big and now a girl who had ugly toes she had a toe ring so that gave her that boosted her up oh yeah that boosted her i could see i could yeah it was like there's a lot that went into it for instance believe it or not like the girls still messaged me to this day like hey you got to bring this back we want to compete again so some feet pics okay yeah yeah well if you bring it back we'll get Jenna in seriously yeah you got to give her once yeah yeah okay we'll see how far she makes it you can blame anything on COVID Jerry was like so it was COVID. So I did the foot bracket.
People doing crazy things. All right.
Well, Brooks, best of luck at the Ryder Cup. Yeah, go USA.
Best of luck this weekend. What? Best of luck this weekend? Yeah, best of luck this weekend.
Best of luck at the Ryder Cup. And we did say, since you guys are criminally underpaid or not even paid at all during the Ryder Cup, if Team USA wins, we're getting you a pizza party.
Pizza party. Yes.
From Pardon My Take. I love that.
Pizza party. It's better than money.
Yeah, that actually is. Pardon My Cheesesteaks as well.
We'll throw in the Pardon My Cheesesteaks. Okay, I love that, yeah.
And I'll match. Yeah, so that's a double Pardon My Cheesesteaks and a pizza party.
Yeah, that's where we're getting our win from. I love it.
Let the boys know that. I will.
I'll make sure. tell them when you get there.
Right when you land, just be like, hey, listen, I know we're not playing for money, but. I'll text Max.
We're playing for cheese. I'll text Max.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. All right.
Well, thank you, Brooks. Appreciate it.
Yep. Enjoy the boys.
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Okay, we'll wrap up with Fyre Fest of the Week.

Hank.

Dan.

Hank. Dan.
Henry. Hank.
Dan. Hank.

Dan.

Henry.

Dan.

Henry.

Hank.

I was making some Trader Joe's orange chicken tonight, and I'm-

Look at you cooking for yourself.

Yeah.

You're a big boy.

Well, not quite.

Look at this big boy.

That's a frozen meal.

Oh, that is?

Oh, shit.

I put it in the oven.

Not a big boy.

So you put it in the oven? I took it out, put it on a sheet, a baking sheet tray. Did you spray any oil on the sheet? Yeah.
Okay, so that's cooking. Yeah.
And then I was impressed doing that a little bit. I don't know.
It's like you're kind of grown up. I get depressed at how ungrown up I am when I really think about it.
Yeah. I mean, that's a big college meal.
That's like Trader Joe's orange chicken. I've been out of this game for a long time.
No, it's tough. I am becoming more and more aware of how much more adult I should be than I am.
But it is what it is. And then I burnt myself with the sauce, making the sauce.
Oh, no. Just burnt my fingers up.
A little boo-boo? Yeah. You want a Band-Aid? I put it in the microwave for like a minute.
You boiled the sauce? You heat up the sauce. I don't think you have to heat the sauce up to the boiling point.
You need a Band-Aid? I mean, let's put a Band-Aid on that. It was hot.
I put a Band-aid on, like, my kids would just, like, bump their, like, foot.

Like, band-aid.

Yeah.

Get a band-aid.

Hey, I mean, think about it this way.

If you heat the sauce up that much, you're not going to be able to eat it, right?

You have to wait.

It just needs to be warm.

Warm sauce.

Yeah, it was just a little too warm.

Burt my finger.

Also, I bought the spider spray.

Still haven't done it yet, though, so I'm preparing myself for war this weekend.

Oh, hell yeah.

Are you going to get spiders? You could just also wait them out like winter will know them then they'll come inside i don't think so that's what i've been where do you have a door keep your door closed get it air tight make that shit air tight plug all the holes i don't want them to devise a plan and like infiltrate. You have the smartest spiders ever living outside your apartment.

Are you sure these are spiders?

Are they not, like, possums?

Because the way that you're talking about them makes them sound like mammals

that have brains that can, like, open doors.

Do you put on music in your house?

Yeah.

I just want to feel what a night in the Henry Lockwood house is like.

Music.

Not, like, not really, like, ambient music. Yeah.
That's more of of like a certain times I'll put on music oh okay do tell those times no just like on a Friday night or like you know sometimes in the morning or whatever just like wake up yeah but I'm not just like you know have music going constantly a lot of golf a lot of golf YouTube videos yeah smart you Smart. You get the fog machine going.

Yeah.

Not a lot of fog machine.

No.

Laying off the fog machine.

Do you walk around in your boxers?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Shirt off?

Yeah.

Oh.

I'm trying to do more shirt off because I'm trying to, again, like.

Shame yourself?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's actually a good idea.

I should do that more.

It's bad.

It's real bad.

Your six pack is coming, right?

I'm just trying to get, you know, exercise every day. Not even saying work out every day.
Just walk. Just sweat.
Just walk a little. Yeah, burn 100 calories.
He's got an outstanding picture frame in his apartment. Really? Really nice.
It's actually a TV, but it looks like a work of art. It's got a little frame on the other side.
I guess this is another. He puts art screensavers on, so it looks like he's got a painting with a little cord coming out of it.
Yeah, we went to Dana Holgers and stuff. You guys were there for the inception.
Yes. And he had a he had a giant like 65 inch picture frame and it was just him and one of his players on the sidelines like a very random picture.
We were drinking and after a few drinks, I got the confidence to be like Dana like did this guy die like why is why do you have this giant life-size picture of him on your wall and he was like you fucking idiot and then like took the remote it was like it's a slideshow i don't fucking know what these pictures are i was like that's sick need one um so shout out to dana for that another realize how not although i don't think you guys can could you guys hang something into a stud on a wall. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm pretty good at that. It is hard.

You got to get a drill i have a drill i just i've been i've been i've watched a couple videos i've made a couple attempts not successful so far built the whole built the whole shelf and i'm trying to hang it but yeah it's it's uh a little life growing up hank i like it. Okay, PFT, what's your fire fest? I found the studs and everything.
My fire fest is... I've had a pretty clean week overall, I'd say.
The airport thing earlier. What airport thing earlier? When you just drove by and...
And I named every plane 100% correctly? There's also another incident this morning. I don't know if you're going to go into that.
How would you know if I was wrong about planes, wrong about planes Hank You don't know shit about planes I can just tell You don't go on your balcony to look at them Because you're scared of the spiders that are out there No I sit out there That's the problem I just still sit out there Well yeah okay So I'll talk about this morning I got dropped off at Hank's place I got dropped off about I'd say 15 minutes away from Hank's apartment this morning By an Uber driver who was taking me to this place. Hank very graciously agreed to drive me out to the golf thing today.
And I don't have a car yet because I just got my wallet back. You can't buy a car without a license, it turns out.
Shocker. Probably a good rule for that.
But I get dropped off about 15 minutes away from Hank's apartment and I get out and I'm like, this doesn't look like Hank's apartment. I've been to Hank's apartment several times.
This is not the right building. But then I think maybe I'm on the backside of his apartment where sometimes people can drive in where the garage is and there's Hank's car that's parked on the curb with its lights flashing.
And Hank said, I'll be out front waiting for you. So I step out.
I'm like, oh, okay. Well, I must be at Hank's place then.
Uber driver shuts the door, drives away. I look at my phone about 15 minutes away from Hank's apartment.
He took me to the complete wrong address. And I think the reason why I did was he was driving through downtown, kept running into barricaded streets that were blocked off.
And then he looked at, because I noticed on his little display phone he had set up with a navigation on it, that the next person he was picking up for his ride was right around the corner from where he dropped me off he just dropped me to his next pickup to his next fair and dropped me off and then i was like oh shit well i guess i'm screwed so then hank had to come pick me up um also move yeah it's a solid move solid move by hank also i um i i like to just impulse buy things especially if it's early in the morning and i see an advertisement for it. Yes.
And I'll be like, oh, this seems kind of cool. And I buy a lot of limited edition stuff that the NFL puts out that nobody else in the world ever buys.
I think they just target me for some of this stuff. I saw an advertisement for a Darius Rucker limited edition line of clothing conjoined with the NFL.

It was like a partnership.

Gotta have it.

So I opened it up and I was like,

this is kind of sweet.

They got like flannels and Western style shirts

with little NFL team logos on it.

I was like, why don't I just buy clothes,

Darius Rucker NFL clothes for the whole boys?

Yeah.

For all the boys.

Did you?

So I spent $500 on Darius Rucker themed NFL merchandise as a crossover that have all your teams on it i'm pumped um i'm pumped too i looked at i looked at my email today i forgot how much i spent on it until i opened up the email listen that pays for itself it does i it's sweet it's like it's like snap ups it's got the western style it says the team name right across it whenever i buy something dumb i just say pays for it pays for itself. It will.
It never does. It will.
But it pays for itself. Yeah, it's content, right? It's content.
Yeah. Plus, I think you guys will like it.
Yeah, no, I guarantee you I'll like it. It was Sam Donald.
Okay. My FireFest is...
His head looks huge. I alluded to it earlier, but the Cubs suck.
And yeah, that was like the one thing I was like, oh, yeah, the Bears season's already a disaster, but at least the Cubs are going to be in the playoffs. I don't think so anymore.
And I don't think we're going to get the Max versus Big Cat, Cubs-Phillies situation, which would have been great if the season ended today. Would you guys be in? I think we just, because of tonight's loss, we might be out.
I think you're tied to the last spot. But I think the Diamondbacks, because they beat the fuck out of us the last couple weeks, would have the tiebreaker.
So I think we might be out. I think you're tied.
But I think the Diamondbacks, because they beat the fuck out of us the last couple weeks,

would have the tiebreaker.

So I think we might be out. I think

we might have. Yep, we're officially out.
It's actually the

Marlins. We're tied with the Marlins.

So maybe we have the tiebreaker over

the Marlins. Who knows? Either way,

not fun times. They should have.

They're playing really bad teams and they're losing to really

bad teams. And Jake

had a fire fest. He got hit with a ball while golfing.
Was anyone with him? I was. Oh, you were golfing.
Oh, okay. Two times this week.
Both times for work. Both times for work.
Who set up both of these shoots? Both for work. Both for work.
Meme set up both?

Meme set up the one I had to go to on Monday.

Is there football on right now?

There is.

Yeah, there's football on right now.

Both for work.

Weekend.

I said the whole time weekend.

I won't golf on weekends.

Wait.

That's the complete opposite.

I'm going to be so focused on work that I'm going to stop golfing on weekends.

I legitimately, legitimately, like I have not not been golfing. Which you did.
Except for two times this week. Which you did.
The video we made today will be a banger. When's that coming out, Max? Tomorrow? Monday after Ryder Cup.
So, Monday. Sure.
I don't understand the Monday thing. Yeah, Monday doesn't make sense.
People are going to want it on Monday. Everyone subscribe.
The week after

the ride. If we get to $500,000.

I think it should be Thursday. We always put our...
Let's get to

$500,000, okay?

Let's get to $500,000 and then we have the $5,000

and the golf. Let's start holding

shit back. Let's make the

golf a $500,000. Everyone step up.

That's what people actually want to watch.

They're going to get to $500,000. It's not going to be ready.

I want to get to half a million. We've got to be in the half a million.
Do we get a plaque? I want a plaque. No.
One million? You want one million subscribers? Okay, we want one million subscribers. Someone find a bot farm and just do it.
It means make us a plaque when we get to 500,000. Make yourself a plaque.
If you're watching this right now and you're not subscribed, you're a scumbag. Please do it.
Big Cat's been on his absolute deviousness with me playing golf. Just being like, I just didn't think.
Oh, did you play golf today? And then I had a call at like 930 this morning and Big Cat, me and Big Cat were the first two on it. And he was like, wait, you golfed yesterday, right? Yeah.
I was like, yeah, for the Morgan Morgan thing. And then I came in the office.
He's like, did you golf yesterday? I didn was like yeah for the morgan morgan thing and then i came in the office he's like did you golf yesterday i didn't think golf was happening in september that's what i understood that was like a real fight there was yeah he was very bad at me i actually did forget i he didn't actually because listen i am a troll i understand where you're coming from you've years and years a decade plus of me trolling you that one was literally me being a fucking bimbo okay i actually forgot but yes i have been on my tv shit i thought we said goodbye to golf i have wait answer honestly have you played more golf since you quit golf than you did when you were playing golf i haven't't. I played 18 holes total.
Both for work. Wait, 18 holes total like the entire month of September? Yeah.
That's it. You haven't played any more golf? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Why am I forgetting? I don't know. You haven't played.
Probably the time you played golf. No, no.
You haven't played any golf whatsoever. I've literally, we did the scramble speed golf that day.
That was before. Check your app.
Check your app. Check your app.
18 birdies. I mean, I haven't.
I know I haven't. I'm a man of my word.
Man of his word. Okay.
I believe you. I'm checking out right now.
Got anything planned coming up? No. Do you want to golf with me next week? Oh, I might be golfing.
Yeah, I do. I would love to.
I might just start golfing with Hank and just no showing. Oh, that's right.
8-27-23. Hank went private on 18 birdies.
He locked his account. This is like the president

having their schedule redacted.

I shot a 105 on 827-23.

That's not bad.

That's pretty bad.

Because you were playing

a lot of golf then.

Yeah.

Well, he is still now.

All right.

Numbers.

Brooks said my swing was good.

Yeah, he was paying.

He said that's all of us.

Three.

Ooh. I don't know who had that first.

99.

I'll go 69.

One.

99.

Hank had three first.

I'm checking.

Oh, yeah.

Let's go.

All right.

I'll go one.

I'll go one.

Memes, did you ever get it?

You ever gotten it?

20.

No.

32.

All right.

I got one.

73. 73.
All right. Have a great weekend, everyone.
Great football weekend. Great football weekend.
See everyone on Monday. Love you guys.
Bye. I'm talking away.
I don't know what I'm about to say. I'll say it anyway.
Today's my day to find you.

Shining away.

I'm coming for your love of peace.

Shining away.

I'm coming for your love of peace. Stay gone.

Stay gone.

Stay gone.

Stay gone.

Stay gone. Take on me again This is something that I'm afraid Take on me again Take on me again This is something that I'm afraid Some needless to say I always say it's what I need Some will let it wait Smell it in the bank is out Thank you.
Take on me Take on me Take on me