NFL Week 1, Fastest 2 Minutes, The Bears Will Always Lose To The Packers, Max Finally Beats Hank And The Cowboys Rolls

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, it is week one of the NFL season. It's great to be back.
We're going to talk about every single game. You're going to get Sad Boy Big Cat.
You're going to get Sad Boy Hank. Victory Monday for PFT, for Jake, for Max.
We're going to break it all down. We're going to do who's back of the week.
And, of course, we're going to start it with fastest two minutes because we are back in football season. Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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Okay, let's go. Lots of work to be done.
No place to hang out or wash in. And then I can't blame all on the sun.
Oh, no. We're gonna rock down to electric avenue.
And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue.
It's part of my take presented by Marshall Sports. Welcome to part of my take presented by martial sports.

Welcome to part of my take.

Today is Monday, September 11th, and it is week one. What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

Some?

Right. They're not gonna get him.
D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- Bosa, fresh off his MAGA contract, could be seen on the sidelines yelling, let's go, Brandon, as IU scored twice in the first half. Barack Obama Purdy was gay, as in happy, after beating the Steelers 30-7.
Down to Atlanta, where Anne Frank Reich, back at it again, being beat by men in black and red uniforms. Pardon me, but do you have any great poupon? As B.
John Mustard Robinson put some sauce on it and hot-dogged his way into the end zone as the defense couldn't catch up and he'll relish his first professional score as the D looked like buns. Falcons, 24.
The Panthers, 10. That was bunny boom.
To the great white north where Kirk Cousins seemed like Philip Rivers when he was looking to add his son. As he hooked up with Jordan for a deep score in the first half, Trey Ballmer had the Vikings defense looking Microsoft as the Bucs are clearly developers, developers, developers of talent.
Justin Jefferson could be seen pouting on the sideline after the loss as he stared at a tablet, listing all the guaranteed money Kirk Cousins has made in his career. Some spread.
Bucks 20, Vikings 17. We head over to Rauld John, Maryland, where Jack Del Rio was seen defending the nation's capital after a peaceful transfer of power from Dan Snyder to Josh Kamala Harris, turning to former Redskins coach saying, We did it, Joe.
Gibbs. The Cardinals defense shit themselves and had a howl movement when Sam scored the game-winning touchdown.
Josh Dobbs committed a costly fumble as Bald Don't Lie, committing a Cardinals sin and lost in the football game. Commanders 20, the Cardinals 16.
In Indianapolis, where Trevor Lawrence said nothing comes between me and my Calvin as the Whitey played against Tidy, as they briefly looked like they were going to drop one against the Colts when Buckner scooped up the ball like it was a pint of Jennings ice cream, and the entire stadium screamed, run, DeForest, run. Unfortunately, Jenny had AIDS, and the Colts lost.
Jaguars 31, Colts 21. They sending me to Vietnam.
Jenny. This is how long the country.
She had AIDS. Those must be comfortable shoes.
We have a special guest, boomers, from both sides of the Patriots-Eagles game. First up, Hank.
What? What? We go over to New England, where before the game, Patriots Nation were treated to a tribute to Tom Terrific Brady, seven-time Super Bowl winner and fellow attendee of The Catch. The game started less than terrific for New England as Darius Slaybitch caught a wet-tipped ball and took it 70 yards to the house for a touchdown.
Hunter Henry Lockwood looked like a sex icon and certified stud, putting the patch on the board with a second-quarter touchdown. Kendrick, holy shit, that's Jason Bourne, caught two touchdowns.
And in the fourth quarter, Jalen Squirts let the ball leak out of his hands for a fumble. Then Nick, eye of Sauronani, could see the right decision and decided to go for it on a fourth down, giving the Patriots a chance to catch a win for TB12.
But they couldn't do it and it came up short. Eagles win 25-20.
That was great. Only a couple misreads, Boom.
Great job, Boom. We head back to Foxborough where Buccaneers legend Tom Brady got to watch Wack Jones take on the Eagles.
Ezekiel Smelly started off his Patriots career num-num-numbing his way to an early fumble that put the birds up big. After a heroic comeback, newly single Bill Belichick was looking for some booty but got left hanging with one foot in the air.
Eagles 25, Patriots 20. Good job, Boom.
Good job, Boom. Good job, Boom's all around.
We head out to L.A. where Vic-only Fangio's didn't get any picks.
You have to pay extra for those. But just like the rest of the internet, he'll show you all the free D you can handle.
Tyreek Hill is the most dangerous guy with a geographical name since Cliff Huxtable. It was the battle in Los Angeles as Kellen in the name of Moore said, Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me.
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. Fuck fuck you I won't do what you tell me fuck you I won't do what you tell me fuck you I won't do what you tell me fuck you I won't do what you tell me fuck you I won't do what you tell me fuck you I won't do what you tell me fuck you I won't do what you tell me but the Chargers lost 36-34 in the windy city where Just steps away from Lincoln Park,

I put my just in you.

Fields pushed as far as he could go. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
And like Lincoln Park, fans have become so numb and wish they could just DJ more. Packers 38, Bears 20.
Standing on the corner, Jameis Winston down in NOLA, such a fine sight to see. It's Tennessee, my lord, putting points on the board, kicking meaningless late FGs.
Come on, Ryan, you got us crying. Anyone who ever said you were elite was full face lying.
It's week one for all of us. Saints go marching 1615.
Weird score boom. And that was week one in the books.
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Barstool Golf Time app now. Okay, week one in the books minus a great Monday night game, which we will get to later.
We have a lot to talk about. We do.
People are expecting a very sad me. I love football.
I will be sad by saying I do love football, and it's so good to have you back, football. I love football as well.
I will get to being sad, and so will Hank. But we have to talk about every game because that's what we do on Sunday nights for the Monday show.
And I was thinking about ordering the games, PFT. And the biggest win in the early games, because we always go chronological order, Washington Commanders 20, Arizona Cardinals 16.
I love that. I love that.
Thank you, Big Cat. Everyone was talking about the Commanders and the Cardinals game today.
It was circled. It should have been the national game.
People were very upset that it wasn't. But, yeah, we're 1-0.
I get a lot of people being like, hey, PFT, you guys beat the Cardinals. Why are you celebrating? You beat the Cardinals.
They're trying to tank. Congratulations on being a tanking team.
We won. We're 1-0.
You're 1-0. And your owner showed that he can give a handshake.
He was handshaking everyone's hands. All the hands.
He was stunting on all the haters. He was walking up and down the aisles, shaking every hand that he saw.
He looked like someone in his PR team was like, Hey, you know what happened with Joe Buck? Week one, home game, let's get you pounding some flesh. He looked like he was at the Iowa caucus, just shaking everyone in the stadium's hands, being like, look it, left hand, right hand.
He was doing it all. Left hand is strictly for being up.
Right hand is the handshake hand for him. I was on BoxWatch.
I'm on BoxWatch all year with Josh Harris because he's got a lot of dudes in his box yes he had joelle and bead in his box which is interesting was jimmy butler in his box jimmy butler was not in his box got it but kd was in his box michael rubin in his box maybe kd telling jimmy butler hey here's how you force your way out of town if you're interested in leaving i thought that was an interesting conversation that probably happened um alex ovechkin was in his box nice sunny jurgensen was in his box nice magic johnson was in his box he should probably get tested careful the d is legit the d is legit in dc so so legit it's we have an awesome defense i'm not going to apologize again for beating the cardinals our defensive line is fucking awesome we're probably amongst the best in the league i would put us right up there with the New York Jets as having the best defensive line. Without Chase Young.

Without Chase Young.

Well, Chase Young is at his most impactful when he's on the sidelines,

and he's wearing those shorts that are all hiked up.

He's got a towel around his neck.

He's got like a 50-year-old gym teacher hike going on with his shorts,

and he just looks jacked up and intimidating on the sidelines.

He's a great teammate from the sidelines,

but I do think that the defense is better without Chase Young

to a certain extent. Oh, wow.
When you're taking into account salary who would you pay montez sweat who's fucking awesome and always plays or chase young who never plays it's a good question you're probably going to pay montez sweat so uh yeah i think the defense is legit sam howl did enough sam howl he played just good enough to not lose and i think if he can be average if sam can stay average we should win like 9 10 maybe 11 games this year so the game got hairy when sam how did a carson wentz spin right in the in the shadow of the end zone uh which was not the the most opportune time to be like i'm gonna get out of this uh pass rush watch me do this six spin move uh but yeah he he had had moments. He flashed.
But, yeah, the defense is what you guys are going to rest your head on all year. The second half, the commanders held the Cardinals to three points and 93 yards.
Yeah, it was sick. Pretty dominating performance.
And to ice the game, or one of the last plays of the game, Jonathan Allen sacked Josh Dobbs with his ass. Just, like, backed his ass right into him.
Love it. Knocked him down.
There's a big ass that's hitting you if you're Josh Dobbs. The defense for the Arizona Cardinals looked like they were pissed off that they're in tanking mode.
Jonathan Gannon, should we apologize? Because I think Jonathan Gannon, because of the pew, pew, pew electric shots, we think, like, he's an offensive coach. He's a defensive coach, obviously.
That defense was way better than i thought it was gonna be yeah the defense was good but they were also playing really pissed off they were they were doing like late hits and and going after sam how's head a little bit um my favorite move by the way when a when a defensive player like hits a sliding quarterback in the head sometimes they'll pretend to be injured too for a second so that they're like hey you don't penalize me god's God's already penalizing me for, I'm dealing with karma right now for that hit. And I'm hurt too, so please don't throw the flag.
It's a two-car car crash. Yeah, the play of the game was by the official in the first half when Sam Howell was scrambling to the sidelines.
He gets lit up going out of bounds, knocks the ref over. The ref had to go out of the game, but the ref hits his arm.
He's got blood all over his hand. He's laying flat on his ass, and then he just sits up and immediately throws a flag.
He was the undertaker. He was the undertaker gift.
In real life, he did it and then did his job and then called for the cart to come over and take him off the field. So that dude's awesome.
He rocks. But it was like a – I was watching Sam Howell play today, and he was playing at the same time as Brock Purdy, and I think it was Desmond Ritter too.
The three lowest-paid starting quarterbacks in the NFL all won today. The highest-paid quarterbacks, six out of the eight of the highest-paid quarterbacks in the NFL lost today.
Should we defund the quarterbacks? That's a good question. Defund the QBs, many people are asking.
Now, two out of three of those guys played against bottom-bottom teams, but that's, yeah. That's true? Yeah, because the Panthers and the Cardinals.
Big Cat, I'm cherry-picking a stat to try to form a narrative i like it yeah yeah yeah this is like the it's better to not have a really good high paid wide receiver yes exactly no team has ever won a super bowl with a high paid wide receiver you should just draft a quarterback in with the last pick of the draft every year and then he's going to be the lowest paid guy on your team and then you can win a super bowl i mean there, there is something to be said. We're kind of going, you know, every year, it's like how do you build a team through the trenches? We found with the running back, obviously, that was a whole story.
Now, you know, Brock Purdy and Sam Howell. I wouldn't put Brock Purdy and Sam Howell in the same spot.
You did have a moment where you're like, Brock Purdy's the guy I want everyone to know. I said put the word out there.
Yeah, and then he had Sam Howell's legit or Sam Howell's the guy and then he had a couple plays that were like oh geez but uh yeah maybe maybe we're just slowly the cliche of build through the trenches we're gonna defund every position but uh edge rushers and left tackle I was gonna say defund the QBs pay your uh yeah pay your defensive ends play pay a left tackle and then pay a tight end yeah and if you have if you have a game changer at those positions then you're gonna be good yeah you're then you're good but the um yeah the the i knew the cardinals were in trouble uh when we when the game flipped on and matt prater and his all reds with his little belly untucked jersey was kicking off that's a tough look the red is tough if you if you're a fat guy yeah they had an offensive lineman that had a little belly overhang there looked like the kool-aid man yeah those are some nasty uniforms the cardinals worked that yeah you can't do i i feel like the color rush on a non-thursday night it just doesn't really play i have a question for a big cat do you think that dan snyder watched this game uh no he's on a yacht in malaysia so i don't know what the time difference is going to be there but i hope that he watched if he watched he was rooting for the card oh for sure 100 he was rooting for the cardinals and he was watching it you know what he probably did this move if he watched it he would see like all the superstars that were there how excited the stadium was and he'd probably be like just wait josh they'll turn on you too just like they turned on me for no reason whatsoever yeah you, you think the half-price hot dogs will get you? I actually think Dan Snyder might be watching the NFL not even rooting against the commanders. He's just rooting for more DeMar Hamlin situations or concussions to just end football.
He hates everyone in football. He wants football to end.
He's rooting for the complete and utter demise of the league. He's probably going to go around to youth football camps passing out flyers about how football is dangerous for your son's health yeah like you shouldn't let him do this you should like the very dangerous sport yeah did you see that will smith movie yeah people are talking about it tell the truth tell the truth uh okay so good win for the commanders congratulations to you um actually my player of the game on offense goes to Tress Way.

Yeah.

The punter and the holder.

He had two great holds today.

And when you see that happen in a game,

you realize that being a holder is probably a very, very difficult job.

It's all pressure.

It comes back so fast, and it bounces off the ground sometimes.

You have to reach up, and then you have to spin it

and put it down in the exact spot.

I feel like that's one of the small things in football

that we take for granted when we watch it on TV. It's split second, yeah.
Tony Romo sucked as a holder. Yeah, that iconic moment.
The ball was shiny. Yeah, it wasn't the right ball, right? It was slippery.
Okay, so next game, Browns 24, Bengals 3. I'll lead off with Jamar Chase's quote.
After the game, he said, I'm just frustrated because I called them fucking elves and we just lost to some elves so he had a lot of choice words for the city of Cleveland and the franchise of Cleveland before this game and then the Bengals got absolutely worst game of Joe Burrow's career which sucks because it happened right after he got 217 million guaranteed or maybe it's maybe it's good because it's like what if he just had to get the money and then he's like haha jokes on you guys listen if you gave me that much money you'd be lucky if i showed up that's true you'd be lucky if i was alive in three days yes so it was um it was a really really bad game for the bangles yep and i i do there's times when i feel smart. Most of the time I don't because I am a terrible gambler.
But I said on the show on Friday, if you watch the Bengals last year, week one when Joe Burrow missed the majority of preseason, he had four interceptions against a bad Steelers team. I think they're going to struggle again today.
And they struggled very, very – like that was a hard game to watch. He was ugly.
very ugly what do you think jamar chase meant when he said cleveland is a city of elves i don't know i think it's the logo i think it's brownie the elf at midfield but what does he mean a city of elves i don't know he also said uh jamar chase uh miles garrett after the game talking to florio uh said that uh jamar chase was talking shit and said that Cleveland is Cleveland, which it is. Fact.
That is a fact. And that it was a mistake because it upset Miles Garrett.
And Garrett said, they'll say Cleveland is Cleveland, but we're going to make that a great thing instead of what they're trying to make it out to be. So it sounds like Miles Garrett is hearing Cleveland is Cleveland and thinking negative things about it.
Right. It's actually Miles Garrett's mind in the gutter.

Yeah.

Right.

Like Jamar Chase might have been complimenting.

He might have also just been like,

if you're looking for Cleveland on the map,

look for the thing that says Cleveland.

Well, there is some truth to that.

In the past, I haven't really believed when people are like,

you know, some cities are just loser cities.

And you can say like the Browns are the Browns.

To a certain extent, that's sometimes true. Yes.
There's a reason why certain cities are very good sports. We'll get to the Bears-Packers later.
We'll get to a couple later. But there was the one lineman from the Browns after the game was over tried to get into the fan suite to drink beers with him.
They wouldn't let him in. Oh, I love it.
He was pounding on the glass being like, let me in, let me in. And they're like, no, sorry, you can't come in here.
He said they had a no-white-tease rule, no white tease rule so we'll let him in oh okay i'm very much looking forward to the browns next week though in in pittsburgh i think they're going to wear their all white uniforms the i mean this game was the range they are oh you you have confirmed dude wipes oh dude wipes yes that's right yeah yeah this game the the uh rain obviously factored into it because it looked miserable there but jashaun watson wasn't. I think the ball was tipped on his one interception.
But Deshaun Watson and Joe Burrow played in the same conditions. He gets a lot of tipped balls, though.
Yeah, he does. Joe Burrow was the worst game of his career.
He had 82 yards passing. The Browns defense was really good, though.
Jim Schwartz. Yeah, Jim Schwartz and the Browns defense is the story of this game.
Because he had 82 passing yards, but they also only had 75 rushing yards. Right.
They just shut him down. They looked, and it was even like Jamar Chase and T.
Higgins, who always win those one-on-one battles, were not able to win those one-on-one battles. And Jim Schwartz, he was probably all nipped out because a little chilly but the Browns outside of losing Jack Conklin which is pretty significant yeah looked like they might have kind of figured something out on defense and Deshaun Watson not Texans Deshaun Watson but better than last year's Browns Deshaun Watson yeah he looked pretty good today yeah He looked pretty good at times today.
Real X factor, though, was Dr. Heat was in the crowd.
Dr. Heat was slamming some brewskies pregame.
What was he doing? In the Muni lot. Probably just yelling blitz, blitz.
Zero blitz. Zero blitz.
Zero blitz. So Joe Burrow, I hate to go, because I'm going to say something positive about the Bengals, but he had 31 pass attempts, 82 yards.
That's the third fewest yards with 30-plus passing attempts since at least 1950. So, again, it was a very bad day.
They had 10 punts. It felt like they were just constantly punting, never even close to the end zone.
But here's the positive. Like I said on Friday, the Bengals started slow last year.
They started 0- oh and two because remember they went to the cowboys week two and lost that game as well they then won including the playoffs up until the afc championship game they went 14 and two so i fully expect the bengals to be there at the end of the year it's just it's like i also expected this to be a slow start for them and they played about as bad as you can play and if And if you're the Bengals and you were to be told before the season started, you're going to split the season series with the Browns, you'd probably take that. Because they can't.
You have your chance at home. They can't kill by the Browns.
They can't beat the Browns except for that one game last year. Which was in Cincinnati, right? Yes, I think so.
Because I don't think Joe Burrow's ever won in Cleveland. No.
So, yeah, the Browns kind of have their number.

Yeah, and Nick Chubb was awesome today.

He had 18 carries, 106 yards.

That was a game built for Nick Chubb.

Still doesn't wear gloves in the rain.

Crazy.

Which is nuts.

It feels better.

He likes that skin-on-skin contact.

Yeah.

That's how football is meant to be played.

Yes.

But, yeah, Nick Chubb, another great game for him.

He's just so much fun to watch.

Yeah.

He's not trying to fuck in a raincoat.

He's not.

No.

Take a shower in a raincoat. Shower in a raincoat.
Or fuck incoat or fucking a raincoat that would be weird actually that might be kind of hot well if i could wear it over my torso yeah i'd probably look better yeah just just wrap like a muumuu yeah wrap it around like a giant sash yeah you don't see my gut uh okay so i'm high on the if we're going arrows pointing i'm high on the after one week, which I know it's overreaction, and I'm not changing my opinion on the Bengals. I think they're one of the best teams.
You got the sideways arrow. It's completely sideways.
Hillary Clinton, I'm with her arrow. Expected a stinker.
They delivered a stinker. Let's see what happens next week.
Yeah, the Browns look good. Kevin Stefanski, run the damn ball, man.
Run the damn ball and have Jim Schwartz play some defense for you. Run the damn ball and let those diamond cutters come out from Jim.

Yeah, yeah, let them nip it out.

Smuggling some raisins.

Next game, 49ers-Steelers.

This was an absolute pasting.

It was an ass-kicking.

It was an ass-kicking through and through.

From the get-go, the Steelers didn't have their first first down until 116 in the second quarter. And the 49ers, Brock Purdy looks healthy, and it's so fucking ridiculous how good their roster is.
Because when people talk about the 49ers, they talk about Christian McCaffrey, they talk about Debo Samuel, they talk about uh our friend greg kittle brandon iuk who's a first round draft pick was unguardable today two touchdowns completely unguardable it's just and then on the defensive side you watch the 49ers play defense and when they're humming they are so violent and so fast everything like every hole is just is completely stuffed in a second they're It just was a nice reminder, like, oh, yeah, the 49ers, when they have a quarterback who can actually, who has an arm, and I'm talking about literally an arm because Brock Purdy didn't have won the FC Championship game, they're the best roster in pro football. Yeah.
And I'm upgrading my Brock Purdy take from not just being good on the 49ers to just being a good quarterback. Yeah, I think he'd be I think he'd be OK on any team.
He wouldn't be as good, obviously, as he is on the Niners because he fits that system perfectly. And it's very quarterback friendly system.
But I think he's just a good quarterback. He was making some like move improvisational.
Yeah, improvisational moves that he was making. He does a good job squaring his shoulders while moving.
He keeps his shoulders parallel to the line of scrimmage at all times. And he also had an incredible, incredible fumble recovery behind the back after TJ Watt who was a monster this game.
He was like the lone bright spot for the Steelers. Absolutely manhandled him.
So credit to him for that. I don't know how he kept his hands on that.
That was nuts he wrapped his arms behind his back tj watt was trying to grab it from him and couldn't get it out of out of the small of his back pretty much uh i was talking to jersey jerry after the game because he was he was dismayed by what happened he's pretty much given up on the entire season um but we were talking about some consolation stats like when your team loses, you want to find one guy when you can look at his stat line

and see a bright spot and just like look at the numbers that he put up.

And with this one, it's TJ Watt.

If you're a Steelers fan, you can just open up the stat sheet tomorrow morning

instead of like reading the full recaps and just be like,

yeah, there's a nice three right there next to TJ Watt's name.

That makes me feel better as a fan.

He's on pace.

Hank, what's three times 17 you got this hank you got this hank 51 51 sacks is that true yes 34 plus 17 is yes 51 yeah he's right he's on him you doubted i did i did i did hand out i did left hand up You doubted Hank. I doubted myself.
TJ Watt. Look.
That was the most impressive thing I've ever seen Hank do. Yeah.
On the fly. I'm 17 math, football math.
Two things I got. That was the worst home loss in the Mike Tomlin era, which is crazy.
Just shows how consistently good they are. But I don't.
Similar to. It's a little different than the Bengals being like the Bengals are are going to be fine and they're going to be there I don't really like downgrade the Steelers for this I think the Steelers are kind of just a middle of the pack team and they played one of the best teams in the NFL yeah the Steelers a lot of people in Pittsburgh had some hope but I don't really understand what they did with their offense in the offseason it's like they're doing the same stuff they did all last year they've tried nothing and they're all out of ideas and they've got Najee running the same like one yard pass reception routes where he's running out into the backfield catching a ball getting tackled because he doesn't look that fast anymore they're throwing the ball to the outside like five times a game to George Pickens where he'll make a spectacular catch that's a yard and a half out of bounds right and.
And then that's kind of their offense right now, and it's very tough to watch. I went back and I looked at the stats, though.
I know, Jake, you had – what was your nerd stat? Your nerd nugget? It was the first time in how many years that they've opened the season? Since 2014, first time at home for the Steelers. So I looked at their home openers just in general, and they've lost five out of six of their last home openers.
And the one home opener that they won was in 2020 when there were no fans there. So it's kind of weird.
The Steelers usually get off to a rough start at home, but I don't see anything about this team that makes me think, you know what, they'll figure it out. They'll piece together the offense by week three.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But again, that's just a really tough team to play week one.
Yeah, well, according to Skip Bayless, who said, if the Super Bowl were today, the 49ers would win it easily. Ooh.
I don't know. The Dallas Cowboys might have something to say about that.
Yeah, we'll get to that game later. But yeah, that's true.
Dallas Cowboys look pretty damn good. I still think the Steelers will be a decent team.
They just played a really fucking good team. I think they'll be like 7-10.
Yeah, but it's Mike Tomlin. So correct that to 9-8.
9-8 maybe. Because they'll find a way.
I did notice that Kenny Pickett and Nick Bosa, they've both got weird big helmets now. Yeah, his helmet's too big.
Kenny, your helmet's too big. We love you.
There'll be better days than today, but your helmet is too big. Do you think that if you don't play an important position like quarterback or defensive end and you're like a third stringer, like third string middle linebacker that doesn't get in the game and you ask for one of the good helmets that protects your brain, do you think they give it to you? They probably only have a couple.
It feels like that's a science helmet. You've got to ration yeah right like that we want you to be safe but also you don't really you don't really get any uh stats last year so how safe do we really need you like i wouldn't be surprised if they figured out a way to make an anti-concussion helmet but it's like a b2 bomber where it costs like six billion dollars so they can only give it to one guy yeah stealth yeah right Or what they should do they should make the helmets they probably do actually do this they make uh like fake helmets that look like the good ones that offer no protection whatsoever and then they'll give it to like a bad player be like here you go we're keeping you safe and sound top of the line yeah don't worry just run your head into this you'll be great in this one you'll be totally fine uh okay.
Thank God I did a – Hank tried to torture me by watching the end of this Giants-Cowboys game. I did a line in the sand under on it because of Tom Fornelli.
Sunday night unders. That's his play, and I almost lost it by the dumbest game ever.
We'll get to the Cowboys-Giants later, but it feels good to win one. It feels good to win one, boys.
Congrats. It feels good to win one it feels good to win one congrats it feels good to win one uh okay next game Bucks Vikings Kirk Cousins yeah what about Kirk we're already we're already here all right let's say this he had a bad interception today a very bad very bad interception doesn't really have a run game to work with uh and he also was under pressure all day this is the new part of my take where we try to say nice things about kirk cousins also uh adam shefter did tweet about how i think this is the eighth consecutive year that he took all his money guaranteed good for him made like 230 million dollars so good for kirk uh that's a lot of sweaters from target but uh yeah the the Vikings, this was actually, if you're a Vikings fan, this was probably the worst way to start out the season because everyone has been saying you went through last year, which was, you know, a great ride at moments during the regular season that obviously fell apart in the playoffs.
And everyone's like, hey, you can't win. This is unsustainable.
You can't win all these close games. And then all offseason, everyone's like, they're going to regress to the mean because you can't win all these close games.
And what'd they do? They lost a close game to start the season. Yeah, yeah.
People are going to point at that for sure. I think that this was...
I'm looking more at Baker in this game than I'm at Kirk. Three and one is on new teams.
Yeah, because Baker, I feel like his... His first start.
I feel like his teammates love him. Yeah.
The way that that he was playing today he was like lowering his shoulder trying to run people over which is going to be great until he injures that shoulder again and then he'll be out for a while but and he had a slow start and then he kind of picked it up in the meantime i feel like baker would be a guy that you would like playing with yes you feel like this guy is willing to put his body on the line and he's obviously like he cares yeah baker mayfield obviously cares about being a good quarterback so yeah so it's browns rams bucks all his his debut with all three of those teams he won and then matt rule was the only one who couldn't couldn't get that big couldn't squeeze it he looked weird in the panthers uniform he did yeah he did everybody looks kind of weird yeah yeah yeah but yeah i the bucks defense looked very good i mean they were all up in Kirk Cousins face all game. And yeah, I yeah, the Bucs' defense looked very good.
I mean, they were all up in Kirk Cousins' face all game.

And, yeah, I feel like the Bucs might have been one of those teams that they felt a little disrespected because everyone's like,

oh, they're going to suck.

And they came out and proved that, hey, we can win the NFC South.

Why not?

Yeah, I feel like Baker was the best quarterback

that nobody wanted this offseason.

I'd agree.

I think people threw him under the bus way too soon.

They put him on the junk heap too soon.

Yes.

I love agree. I think people threw him under the bus way too soon.
They put him on the junk heap too soon. Yes.
I don't think he's going to be a top five, top ten quarterback, but I think he could be a good quarterback. With that defense, and then Mike Evans and Chris Godwin, they absolutely can win the NFC South, and they proved it today.
They went into Minnesota, which isn't an easy place to play. It is.
They had kickers hitting 57-yarders. Bombs.
Which our resident Bucs superfan, Stephen Che, before the kick was like, he does not have this. He does not have it.
Crushed it. So, yeah, the Bucs, like Todd Bowles, you know, good job, Todd Bowles.
We still don't know if you're alive, but you won. They could end up being okay.
I could see it.

I mean, the division that they play in seems like it could be wide open.

So I thought it was kind of weird how everybody was talking about

Mike Evans deserves better than this team

before they even played it down to football.

Yeah.

That was really strange.

It was like they better trade him

because this team is going to be the bottom of the barrel.

Also, Mike Evans is, what is he, like 31 or something?

He's a Hall of Fame career, and he's won a Super Bowl.

I mean, it's not one of those situations where he's played on just bad teams for a decade yeah and like you got to go find a ring i think mike evans he wants more money he deserves more money so he just he said he's gonna play out his contracts he's i love whenever they say like starting this date we're done negotiating do you think mike evan yeah well i was gonna say because i know myself like i would definitely be one of those guys like all right starting september 7th i'm done negotiating with my team and then like september 9th when i'm at the hotel before week one i'm texting the gm being like but just maybe like a couple million more like could we do it and i just keep negotiating or if you're a gm you just go up to mike evans be like hey i know that we're done negotiating but we raised our price five million right but we can't give it to you sorry sorry i would and then you yeah then the uh the glazers would match but unfortunately we can't do that at all yeah jason light if you're listening to this let mike evans know that whatever you were offering him pft and i I would match that. But unfortunately he cut off negotiations.
I was going to offer Mike Evans $200 million to do a podcast. I was going to say $400 million.
Yeah. Well, then I, yeah, well, you're going to match my 200.
Yeah. But unfortunately he won't accept it at this point.
Yeah. I was going to give Mike Evans, Dave, actually I was with him in Tuscaloosa this weekend and we were talking about it, and Dave was like, should we just give Barstool to Mike Evans?

And I was like, we should, but we can't negotiate with him. He won't accept it right now.

He won't do it right now.

We'll have to wait.

Yeah, I was going to give him Stephen Che as his personal slave.

Yeah.

But unfortunately, I can't take it.

Jake, can you please report that, that Barstool Sports was willing

to be given to Mike Evans, but he's done negotiating?

You can report it tomorrow. So it's unfortunate for us.
It is. It's too bad I really wanted to give the company to him.
Mike Evans probably does want to get paid more just so that he can afford more money to give for Jimbo Fisher's buyout. Yes.
Just to see that fund. Any Texas A&M player that's in the NFL right now, you should hold out immediately, and everybody get an extra million dollars, put it in a big community pot, and then try to buy out Jimbo Fisher.
Yes, yes. Get it done right now.
All right. So, yeah, the Bucs, I was impressed by the Bucs.
I was impressed by the Bucs. I do have one question.
Did you see Justin Jefferson after the game? Yeah, he was looking like he lost a football game. I'd agree.
It will be made into something more than it is because I'm not going to do the like Justin Jefferson's upset he's mad he also he didn't like he went off at the first half and I think he only had two catches in the second half but yeah it looked like he lost week one and he was pissed that he lost because he's the best or one of the best receivers in the NFL and he probably like every great wide receiver thought he should have had the ball more yeah but I that that's a normal thing like I'm not going to make more out of that than what it is so big cat are we are we losing the diva wide receiver I think I think that's what we're doing trying to grab this on Justin Jefferson that's that's exactly right like we were we were so lucky for such a long time with a great list of just insane wide receivers that we could always be like, look at this diva. Yes, T.O., Randy Moss.
Antonio Brown. Antonio Brown, Odell.
Maybe if he gets good again. I don't think he's good enough to be a diva, though.
I know. If he started acting like a diva, they'd be like, you're an asshole.
Right. We don't need you.
I know. But yeah, we do.
I feel like there's no true diva number one wide receiver in the NFL. Yeah, even like Jamar Chase flirting with the whole, like, I called them fucking elves.
That didn't really even make that many headlines. It just made him sound like he was in Lord of the Rings.
Yeah, yeah. It made it sound like he lost to a bunch of elves.
Yeah. Who would be...
Jay, can you try to figure that out for us? Who is the biggest Diva wide receiver right now? Oh, man. Because the NFL take ecosystem desperately needs...
But they have to be elite. Yeah, a guy that'll slap his coach in the face.
Oh, George Pickens, if he gets good, could be it. He absolutely is.
He's on Diva watch. He's got that Diva in him.
He's my number one pick for next up. In the Diva Draft? In the Diva Draft.
But he's not even Diva. He's just wired different.
Yeah, I feel like... There's a difference between Diva and wired different.
Yeah. Because Antonio Brown, Vontaze Burfik wired him different.
Yeah. You know what I'm saying? He was not as Diva, and then he became that way.
I think he was always a little bit weird, though. You never know.
He was definitely a little bit weird. But he wasn't, like, pulling his dick out in a public swimming pool weird.
Correct. Correct.
That definitely makes it. Remember when he lived with Tom Brady? Yeah.
I wonder if the shit Tom Brady saw. That was crazy.
Yeah. Who do you got, Jake? I mean, I'm just looking at top receivers in the league.
Tyreek, Stefan Diggs. Tyreek has a couple tendencies.
He did slap, like, a 70-year-old guy in his face this offseason so there's that but that's not Devo Devo definitely not you think Cooper Cup is a Devo I love that we do need DK DK a little bit of a Devo DK could definitely be a Devo Devo K Metcalf is what people are calling him out there. All right, do us a favor, DK.
Just get a little more diva to you. Yeah.
We'd like it. Do the piss celebration.
Yeah, hold out. Just randomly.
There's no one that really stands out. It was so fun, though, when every offseason, that would take up the DAC contract extension portion of the offseason where you spend two weeks talking about math.
Instead, you'd have Terrell Owens doing sit-ups in his driveway and like calling andy reed a pig yeah randy moss randy mossy you know saying straight cash homie in the in the parking lot yeah i have one who came back today michael thomas definitely could be in that for sure he he needs to play again but like all the injury stuff and and and you know some of his twitter like he definitely could be in there. He's more of like a, but all the injury stuff and some of his Twitter,

he definitely could be in there.

He's more of like an ER wide receiver, though.

Yeah.

How many weeks do you think he's going to play this year?

I don't know.

That's a good question.

It's fun seeing him on the field.

Probably five.

Oh, I remember Michael Thomas.

Yeah.

Yeah, he had a big catch to start the game.

Yeah.

Five?

Yeah, five weeks.

That sounds good.

All right. Before we get to the next game, let's take a quick break for an ad, a couple ads.
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My first thought from this game is I forgot how fast and awesome Calvin Ridley is. Yeah, he's really good.
He's really fucking good. He's going to make that offense hum.
I would like to walk back a take. Permission to walk back a take? Yes, please.
I think Trevor Lawrence might be better than Justin Fields. Yeah.
I'd just like to start with – listen, I had a lot of kidney stones for the last couple years, and I finally pissed the last one out last night, so it was probably the stones talking last year. Now that I'm kidney stone free and I'm thinking clearly, I will now admit I think Trevor Lawrence is pretty damn good.
He's pretty damn good. The Zay Jones pass, he had another one to Ingram.
And he and he also was like the colts defense was actually kind of in his face all day because the jags offensive line without cam robinson who's who's uh serving a four game suspension looks a little little light uh but yeah trevor lawrence here you go pft you ready for this stat this is a crazy stat trevor Trevor Lawrence has won four straight AFC South games. That's the longest streak in Jags quarterback history.
Yep. Four.
Four. Four.
Chaps did send that to me as the sad Jags stat of the day. Yeah.
It's shocking to think that that's never happened before. But when you think about it, I don't think that the Jags were in the AFC South for their entire existence.
Yeah. I feel like they were in the Midwest, the Central.
Were they in the Central when they first started? I don't know. I don't know, but yeah.
Congratulations to the Jaguars. You're good.
Before the 2002 season, the Texans didn't exist. The Colts belonged to the AFC East.
Titans and Jags were in the AFC Central. The Bucs were in the NFC Central.
Really? Yeah. Yeah, the Jags, their offense looks really good.
Their defense still is suspect, but this is like Pete Prisco. The schedule is very easy.
Yeah. So they took care of business against the Colts team.
I'll say this. For Colts fans, this is the 10th straight year that you've lost week one but I would guess this is probably the best one this is the best loss you've had week one because Anthony Richardson while not obviously a finished product had a couple big mistakes had that interception when he got the ball back down three with five minutes left there were flashes there where instead of trotting out Jacoby Brissett or Phil Rivers or Matt Ryan or Carson Wentz, you at least have something to be optimistic about.
So even though you lost, you have a young quarterback who's 21 years old who you can be excited about, and maybe he grows into being the guy. And also, spin zone for for the Colts you look good against future Super

Bowl participants yes Jacksonville Jaguars yes Prisco yes um other notes from this game Tank Bigsby with an all-time dumb dumb play uh he just Trevor Lawrence fumbled and he picked up the ball was standing there with it and then got stripped of it and it turned into a Colts defensive touchdown that was that's just a rookie 0.0 situational awareness yeah that was uh that was DeForest Buckner's touchdown right yes no matter what football football field DeForest Buckner is on he's always the biggest guy out there yeah you can always spot him across the across the entire stadium it's like okay that giant out there is DeForest Buckner playing in a stadium filled with giants yes but I but I thought the Colts, they lost by 10, but it was also one of those games.

They were in it in the fourth quarter, and it was back and forth, and they showed some fight.

And I was like, yeah, the Colts might be...

I'm going to put the Colts into my frisky category.

I would agree with that.

And Anthony Richardson looked like he was...

He's definitely one of the best athletes out on the field at any given time.

Hank will agree with that.

He looked good running the ball.

He looked decent throwing the ball at times.

Yeah, at times.

Thank you. Like, he's definitely one of the best athletes out on the field at any given time.
Hank will agree with that.

He looked good running the ball.

He looked decent throwing the ball at times.

Yeah, at times.

It was an ultimate rookie start where it's like there's moments that you can look at if you're a Colts fan and say, holy shit, this is what we drafted him for.

This is what the future looks like.

And there's moments where you're saying, oh, yeah, that's right. He's a rookie and very raw.
Well, also, he's on pace to match Peyton Manning's career record for the Indianapolis Colts, right? Yes. Because Manning, his first year, lost like every game that he played.
But not the interception record. Not the interception record.
So he's actually ahead of what Peyton Manning was. He's better than Peyton Manning.
As a rookie, yes. I think he's the youngest guy to ever throw and run for a touchdown, too.
That's pretty cool. 21 years old.
All right. Yeah.
I think the stat was the youngest guy to ever throw in and run for a touchdown too that's pretty cool 21 years old all right yeah i i think the stat was the youngest guy since like 1940 which doesn't count that doesn't count well it's it's either like a way long ago stat before they even started passing the ball or the answer is norm van brocklin right and also 1940 like a 21 year old quarterback is like about to die yeah so middle age is like you die at like 45. Or like all the other 21-year-olds were overseas fighting.
Right, right. Exactly.
So, yeah, best week one Colts loss in the last decade. I would agree with that.
And there's been a lot of them. Two decades.
Banner? You hang the banner. You might have to hang a banner.
That was the best loss. Also, shout out to the baby Ursaes that attended this game.

There were some very funny submissions out there.

Yes.

I have one note, though, for Shane Steichen.

I like what he did.

His team was flying around.

It feels like Anthony Richardson is the guy in terms of the locker room,

which you obviously want to see right away with your rookie quarterback.

Like, guys feel drawn to him.

I appreciated it because I had the Colts. I bet the Colts in the game.
Maybe when you're down 10, don't have Anthony Richardson running the ball with, like, 50 seconds left. That felt – You live and you learn.
He got hurt, and Shane Steichen afterwards said that he's not – he's fine. But if you're going to have a running quarterback, maybe time and place situation.
Yeah, that was tough when they put Gardner Minshew in the game his hair's longer your hair's longer and you got to go out there and oh yeah we actually kind of need this to win the entire game but you only get one play and I really needed it well he ended up getting go do it four one pat I think he had one attempt right yeah but he there was a penalty so he got a couple plays oh that's right yeah it was It was maddening to watch. I forgot how much, like when we started watching the games at noon, I think I said out loud in the first quarter, I was like, I love watching football, but none of my bets matter because I know it's all going to come down in the last two minutes, and then it all came down in the last two minutes.
I got my heart ripped out like over and over. I'm going to be fair because last year I think we gave their home opener.
They got a win out of that. The Colts did, I think.
In a loss. But wait.
They lost 10 straight week ones. No, their home opener though.
Oh, yeah. Their home opener.
It was against the Chiefs. Oh, yeah.
They did win that game. We gave credit to Jim Irsay because he opened up the roof of the stadium.
Right. And the glare from the sun caused a fumble by Sky Moore, which meant that they won won the game right jim ursay inexplicably kept the roof closed for the home opener you can't do that mr there were storms you're smarter than that tweeted about there were storms yeah there were storms were they like a figment of his imagination was it actually raining he said third quarter there's gonna be some storms we've got to keep the roof closed that's tough i know god is the 12th man he needs to watch 12th man.
He needs to watch his Colts play. Yeah, but hang a banner, Colts fans.
That is the best week one loss you've had in the last 10 years, which have all been week one losses. Congratulations.
And the Jags? Pete Prisco might just be right. They might just schedule their way to the Super Bowl.
Look at the schedule. Their defense is not that good, and their offense line has to get better.
I think Josh Allen had three sacks there. Yeah.
So they can get after you if they get a lead. Yeah.
Only 12 more wins until the season is not a disaster. Why? Oh, yeah, that's right.
Maybe 13. Oh, yeah.
Anything less than 13. Anything less than 13.
It's a tragedy. Yes, a tragedy.
Okay. Next up, Saints 16, Titans 15.
Ryan Tannehill sucks. Sorry, that's my Ryan.
You want to hear my Ryan Tannehill impression? Yeah. There was a couple throws that we saw where it's like, if he just makes that throw, the Titans win this game.
Shout out, Mike Vrabel, for kicking that field goal. We kicked five of them.
For the spread. Yeah.
People were scratching their head. It almost worked.
Derek Carr made the big throw on third down to seal the game. And Derek Carr, I felt like he struggled at points, but also made some big throws.
And that's kind of all you need for the Saints. Like, the Saints just needed a steady hand last year.
Yeah. And he can be the steady hand.
He was smart. I think the defensive back had like a pulled hamstring or a strained hamstring.
And so Derek Carr threw that one long downfield pass that ended up getting them into field goal range. He just went right after that guy.
He's like, oh, they got a hurt dude out there. Yeah.
That's veteran leadership by Derek Carr. Let me go after this guy.
Fun stat about the Titans.

They've held their last eight opponents to under 100 yards rushing.

Yeah.

Think out how many of those games you think that they've won.

They've lost all of them.

Yeah, they've lost all of them. Yes.

So it's one of those stats where you're like, oh, they've got a good rush defense.

But also, oh, yeah, this is the NFL.

And sometimes when a team has fewer than 100 yards rushing, it's because they're just airmailing the shit out of you. Yes.
And you can't respond to it. Fun stat about the Titans, I thought their uniforms looked cool in the Dome today.
Yeah, they did. It was a nice contrast.
They did, yeah. That's kind of the nicest thing I can say about the Titans today.
Every time we flipped that game, we watched the fourth quarter of that game, I was like, it just looks nice like the the the saints uh black and gold is it gold or pewter no it's gold it's gold yeah the bucks yeah black and gold versus the the saints all whites with the with the light blue it looks cool yeah so that's pretty much the only good thing you can say about the titans i would say that your rookie quarterback, Will Levis, had maybe the best day of any rookie quarterback today. Yeah.
Zero for zero, zero INTs, and the guy that's starting in front of him through three. Yeah.
So he's going to be the most popular guy in town now. Ryan Tannehill.
That was the worst Ryan Tannehill Titans game, I think, statistically. What about the playoff game? Yeah, that was bad, but he also was moving the ball in that game.
Yeah. He threw those three interceptions against the Beng Bengals but he was kind of moving the ball this one it just they couldn't do anything you know what big cat I am going to wait for all the facts to come out on Ryan Tannehill I don't know we can't make a judgment if he's good or not yet let's give him another three years I feel like Ryan Tannehill had about 50 times that he he got them into third and long and then took a sack yeah again that Again, that's probably not exactly correct, but it felt that way.
Going on vibes. I bet Mike Vrabel looks at this game like it's a shutout.
Like they got shutout because they kicked five field goals. Yeah.
Vrabel doesn't acknowledge kickers as being part of the team. But again, a huge field goal.
Big field goal at the end. Huge field goal at the end.
I was shocked that he sent the field goal unit out there. It almost worked.
They had all their timeouts. It almost worked.
The Dome was rocking a herd, by the way. Oh.
From Menci. Oh, okay.
He said he reported in like Superdome's rocking down NOLA. He was, I mean, I'm surprised Dennis Allen didn't pick him up because I don't know if you saw him running that 5K.
He's pretty quick. He was the end of it.
He was blazing past a bunch of middle-aged people and maybe some small children and pets we we got to get mincee to work out with jamis winston oh that is my dream i think he might actually like he might be the the perfect thing to take jamis to the next level again they should incorporate mincee into one of his weird workout routines that he does he just makes the noises at him yeah he's gonna be making Jameis is going to have a blindfold on, and he has to avoid Mincy trying to sack him just by hearing his noises and figuring out where he is. Yeah, yeah, I like it.
Yeah, I mean, the Saints, I guess you have to play Derek Carr because you're trying to win a division, but it would be so much fun if Jameis was the starter. It would be.
Just let Jameis start. Okay, next game, Falcons-Panthers.
I'll say this. Our good friend Arthur Smith, friend of the program, looking jacked, by the way.
Great mustache. I like when coaches use cliches, and they're actually factual.
So it's not just a cliche thing to say he's actually giving you the correct answer, even it is a cliche what about this one you play who you play yeah that yeah fact play play who you play uh but that also when coaches say that i'm like yeah but they're also know that like their team might not be as good because they just beat a bad team or something like that but arthur smith after the game said we don't care about stats we care about winning He believes that because that was like Desmond Ritter. I think he had like that.
But Arthur Smith, after the game, said, we don't care about stats, we care about winning. He believes that because that was like Desmond Ritter.
I think he had like 115 yards. Well, this is a wild Desmond Ritter stat.
At one point, he was four for four passing with zero yards and one touchdown. I love it.
That's awesome. Yeah, Tyler Algier and Bijan had 80% of the Falcons offense.

They do not care about stats. They care about winning.
That's how they won this game. That Bijan touchdown was so fucking awesome.
That was like, I know that he has to perform all year for Falcons fans to be happy about the pick. But I might just be happy with that clip just over and over.
Because I saw a stat. I don't even know how they figured this out.
But they said he had a 10% chance of scoring a touchdown when he caught that ball,

given where everyone was on the field.

I still don't know how he was able to break.

I know he broke the first tackle, but then he kind of shapeshifted through two guys

to score the touchdown.

Did you ever play that game Doom back when you were a kid?

And you could walk through walls?

Yes.

He clipped.

Yes.

He clipped through the defense, ended up on the other side.

It was a. For the rest of the game, I was like, why aren't they giving the ball to Bijan every single play? Yeah, yeah.
He's got those rookie, those fast legs that rookies have. Well, they were just trying to win the game.
That's it. They didn't care about stats.
There was 261 total passing yards in the game. In the game.
Pretty bad. In a do very tough to do but it doesn't because I mean bright Bryce Young I I'm taking the long term on Bryce Young I said this on Friday uh he had a couple good moments a couple really bad moments Jesse Bates had two interceptions uh which could pick up by the by the uh Falcons getting him from the Bengals in free agency.

But, yeah, I'm taking the long term on Bryce Young,

and I'm also rooting, obviously, against the Panthers because the Bears have their draft pick.

Yeah, today was the first day for the Atlanta Falcons

with a winning record since 2017.

Wow.

Congrats to the Falcons.

And they went to the playoffs that year.

That's a long-ass time.

Yeah.

I respect you for hanging in there. Freddie the Falcon, by the way, way speaking of hanging in there looked like he was about to kill himself today you see that it was a tough game he was up in the rafters he was in the rafters and he was just looking over the edge like should I do it and then he jumped and there was a bungee but I thought for a second I thought he was about to gen a himself himself.
Yeah, 261 total passing yards.

It was a tough watch.

It was bad.

It was a tough watch.

The NFC South is just impossible to know what's going to happen.

It's going to be like a mosh pit at an eighth-grade talent show, and the biggest kid's going to win at the end.

Yeah, I kind of like it.

I kind of like the Falcons this year because they're like,

we know what we are.

We're just going to try to run the ball and play some defense

and try to burn the clock and play two-and-a-half-hour games and win that way. Why not? Respect.
It's a zag on everyone else in the NFL. You have an identity.
Yeah. It probably doesn't work if you get a 10-0 deficit.
But other than that, if you can stay away from ever being down 10 points, you can win every game. You'd be sick if next year in the draft, Shador Sanders and deon sanders pulled like a john elway and said we're not going to go to the nfl unless the falcons take both of us yeah but we don't want not not it would be deon would be there would be uh head coach and then there would be head coach prime no different position deon should be the gm gm there you go yeah yeah he gets all the good players bring his baggage with him yeah and tra him.
Yeah. And Travis Hunter has to come, too.
Yeah. I think he's from Georgia.
And then Shador Sanders wearing the all-black Falcons uniform. That would rule.
Deion should be allowed to wear his uniform, too, on the sidelines. That would rule.
I like that Desmond Ritter is just the same player he was in college, too. What do you mean? Just like nothing wows you.
Yeah. But wins games.
Yeah, wins games. Cincinnati.
There's nothing that he does that I'm like, oh, my God'm like oh my god desert I would say that the Falcons are like a group of five NFL team yeah they're not a power conference yeah let they're trying to go to a New Year's Day ball yeah and they can yeah they absolutely with the right coach with a great coach like Arthur Smith or Luke Fickle well maybe jury's still out on him but with our great coach with a great coach that was very You were a Nebraska fan for one day, Hank, and you lost $3,000, you fuck.

I didn't mean to stab you in the back on that. But after I said Luke Fickle, it's like, well, it's just going to be hanging out there.
I like how the boys fought. We're going to talk about college football on Wednesday like we always do.
And I have some thoughts. But yeah, the Falcons are competitive.
On an up year, the Falcons can definitely make some noise and be around in the playoffs but most years it's like okay they're you know they might have a good record at the end but they won't do it in the nfc south who knows and the nfc in general who knows like well big cat interestingly enough by conference today the afc was five and nine oh wow the nfc was 10 and that? So all the haters, the haters talking, talking about the NFC not being a good conference. Numbers never lie.
We did it. We did it.
If the Super Bowl was today, the NFC would dominate. I'm just going to be an SEC NFC fan.
Yep. NFC.
Okay. Let's take another break and we'll do the afternoon games, which I think a lot of people are probably waiting for us to talk about before we get to the afternoon games that are brought to you by lifelock like many of us you might think identity theft will never happen to you but consider this there's a new identity theft victim every three seconds in the united states that's over 15 million people by the end of this year one two, two, three, somebody else just got their identity stolen.
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That was Tua. What I love about McDaniel is that he is smart enough to realize that he doesn't have to think his way out of every problem, and he will run the throw Tyreek Hill the ball play.
Yeah. And that play works all the time.
I mean, the game was up and down so much fun. I feel like we finally got justice for that Sunday night game that was Dolphins Chargers last year that we thought was going to be a shootout and it wasn't and we we now got our like we got what we deserved this was the shootout we deserved it was back and forth Austin Eckler was going off I don't really understand what Kellen Moore was doing where Austin Eckler had an incredible day feels like he couldn't get stopped and then he had three touches in the entire fourth quarter but that's you know Kellen Moore will just continue to be the next guy everywhere he goes sometimes when an opposing team scores on you really quickly you feel like you then have to also score quickly yes but sometimes if it's a close game guess what doesn't matter if you score in like two plays or if you score in 15.
In fact, it's better if you score in 15 plays. Yes.
You just go on a throat-stepping drive. But coaches sometimes fall into that trap where they're like, oh, fuck, we have to respond and send a message.
You don't always have to do that. No.
And this game could have had even more scoring because Tua had a fumble at the goal line to start the game. Yeah.
The drive to start the game. We also had the dumbest penalty ever by J.C.
Jackson at the end of the first half, where Tua just threw the ball up with no time left. It was, I don't know, 20 yards, 25 yards short of the end zone, and he just shoved the receiver untimed down, pass interference, spot foul, free three points, which was the score.
Oh, yeah, they won by two points. Huh that that was pretty pretty bad that's a big time c words play yeah that is that is what you get when you're a fan of the c words and the dolphins almost c words the game on their own at the end of it yes on that that last series there it was uh was it a missed extra point missed extra missed extra point almost cost them that game um, it was fun.
When I see those two colors on the field at the same time, it's like this color combination. You get the blues.
You get the aquas or the teals. Yeah, the Chargers.
That equals points. I hate the Chargers uniforms today.
I hate the yellow pants. You don't like them? I think they suck.
Well, because you want them to be the powder blue. I want them to be the powder blue.
I don't think they're that bad. If the Chargers didn't have the powder blue uniforms, you wouldn't think these ones are bad.
You'd just be like, these are pretty cool. But you know that there's something out there a little bit better.
Also, a great day for Justin Herbert haters because it's obviously the two Justin Herbert, same draft. He gets the ball back with like a little under two minutes left and wasn't able to do anything.
Vic Fangio just started dialing it up on him. Great blitzes.
Yeah, greates but that's one of those it doesn't actually mean anything but if you have entrenched yourself on one side you can walk away being like told you he sucks yep for sure there was also to his performance today was like one of the best week one performances since Norm Van Brocklin wow and that is one record I would I want i'm going to put a bounty on the most passing yards in a game record because it makes no sense that that's the one record that stood up for what 70 years yeah a passing record a single game passing record hasn't been broken when was that game most passing yards in a game nfl 554 yards norm van brocklin threw for 554 yards in 1951 that record we need we need to break that record it's insane that it hasn't been broken yet yes yes i'd agree we need we need someone to break that record let let someone just i mean pizza party i'll throw a pizza party yeah for whatever quarterback breaks that record this year. Tyreek Hill was, I mean, he's just so fucking good.
Yeah. He's so much faster than everyone.
215 yards. Just every, it's so awesome watching the Dolphins when they're cooking.
And it actually is very similar to a college football game where the Dolphins are so fast that guys are way more open than they should be in an NFL game. Like going from – I was noting this when we started watching the games today.
Going from a full slate Saturday to a full slate Sunday, you just have to re-transition your eyes where you just know like, hey, there's not going to be guys just running wide open everywhere around the field like it is on a college football Saturday except for the Dolphins and Justin Jefferson where it's like you'll you'll look up and there'll be just no one near Tyree kill or he'll catch a ball and just run past everyone it's so much fun it is yeah DK had one of those plays today yeah he was wide open wide open the end zone he faked like he was going to run like a hard turn to the inside why would you ever think DK is going to do that no you can't bite on that no no um I have a Rowback question,back question r-h-o-b-a-c-k.com use code take on rowback.com for 20 off your first purchase rowback r-h-o-b-a-c-k.com use code take fresh off uh new releases spend your summer in rowback best hoodies polos shorts q-zips joggers and for everyone out there the shorts are great as well. I'm wearing the joggers and the hoodie right now.

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Also wearing Roback. We completely forgot an early slate game.

The Scorigami.

Yeah, 25-9.

So, let's talk about it.

My bad.

Ravens, Texans.

My bad.

How many tweets are you getting right now that you skipped it?

Thank you. a early slate game yeah the score gami yeah 25.9 let's talk about it my bad texan my bad how many tweets are you getting right now that you skipped it probably not that many because we're about to get to it and also that game stunk yeah you thought you got me no i just know the people they tweet right away ravens fans all right what we're talking about right now your score gami happened yeah it happened one.
I think it took until week six-ish last year. So really great to see.
I was sitting with Max, and we thought 25-9. It's kind of crazy.
It seems like a common score, but it happened. It happened.
Yeah, so Ravens-Sexons. Let's talk about it now.
My bad. I just skipped right over it.
Jake also asked me to take the Gami picture right in the middle of the Colts, like fourth down play to cover.

It has to happen.

It was like the scariest thing.

I was like, if Big Cat sees this picture being taken while his entire game's on the line, it's going to be bad.

He had a couple of those today, Jake.

He's his first week.

What was the other one where you're like, congrats on 1-0 party?

Yeah, right.

It's like the Bears were getting fucking smoked

and the Eagles and Patriots was coming down to it.

He just stepped in.

He's like,

Thank you. what was the other one where you're like congrats on one like one and oh party yeah right is like the bears were getting fucking smoked and the eagles and patriots was coming down to it he just like stepped in he's like pft we're both one and oh after the dolphins won and and i think max like shut up not now i yelled about yeah fine i deserved it uh but yeah ravens 25 texans nine uh score gami i think the ravens finally have their receivers a flowers was awesome and lamar jackson actually trusts him say flowers is so good so he was so shifty when he gets the ball in his hands that dude is gonna be a problem to bring down but unfortunately for the ravens they might be reclaiming their old title as the most injured team in the nfl yeah four injuries four injuries and and big injuries too yeah so ronnie stanley got hurt uh who else got hurt? I know J.K.
Dobbins, obviously. Linderbaum.
Yeah. He got hurt.
And there was somebody else, too. There was someone on defense.
Mark Andrews was out. Yeah, somebody tore their peck on defense.
Yeah, he might not have torn a peck. Oh, that's good.
Yeah. J.K.
Dobbins, I feel very, very bad for. He had the worst weekend ever because not only did he get hurt but because there was that uh weird clip from the Kentucky game where the announcer was like 10 years ago no he was a foster child and no one wanted him and now he's here at Kentucky that forced uh the famous Gus Johnson clip about J.K.
Dobbins to go re-viral which i don't know if you guys remember that one when

uh here i can play it for you gus johnson reminded everyone that jk dobbins mom uh thought about

getting an abortion uh that actually happened gus johnson said that live on a telecast they did

they did that with tebow too yeah so here it is

This is the wildest clip ever.

Both of them are crazy.

Gus Johnson saying that is insane.

During a live, yeah.

It was a Michigan-Ohio State game too.

Yeah, it's tough.

I feel really bad for J.K. Dobbins.

Every year he gets hurt.

Last year when he was healthy, he still looked like he was in pain when he was running down the field.

It was tough.

He was fast, but he was also Olympic.

I've never seen anything like it.

He scored a touchdown today and then Achilles. it just he has the worst luck it fucking sucks yeah um on the other side cj stroud not bad not bad really basically the worst place to start your career against the ravens who just they're similar to the niners where it feels like every time there's a pass into like flat, there's six Ravens that are ready to just take your head off.
They've got probably the best linebacking duo in the NFL. Yeah, and they were just all over the field.
So you can't fully judge him based on today. No.
But people will. But he wasn't bad.
Look at us. We're actually doing a really good job of growing as people.
Like, we complimented Anthony Richardson, said Bryce Young did a couple good things. C.J.
Stroud shouldn't get, you know, dinged up just because he played against the Ravens. We haven't said anything bad about Daniel Jones yet because we haven't talked about the game.
Yeah, we will. Also, Marcus Williams is who you were looking for.
Marcus Williams. Marcus Williams, yeah.
But yeah, the Ravens looked like the Ravens. A little rusty, but took care of business against a bad Texans team.
Who's back of the week? Ray Rice was on the sideline. Was he really? Yeah.
Doing what? I don't know. They kept him by the steps, which is probably a better place to put him than another thing that could get you up and down.
Jeez. ray rice who's back of the week yeah uh all right back to the afternoon slate ram seahawks rams 30 seahawks 13 uh the seahawks played the worst second half of football i think i've ever seen it was so bad they didn't touch the ball they had 14 plays 14 plays in the second half they didn't four punts yeah four minutes and 55 seconds of having the ball that's insane they were so bad they they looked like they were handling the game and the second half started it was and it was just over the second quarter sucked too for him yeah the highlight of the second half was geno smith when aaron donald was running directly at him going oh my god which was awesome so that's honestly what i would say yeah it would not me it would be oh my god and then you'd hear me shitting my pants not me memes knows i called him a pussy to his face was he running at you no we were we did that interview aaron donald you posted every day memes why are you pretending like you don't know what i'm talking about now do you know what i'm talking.
I mean, I wouldn't be scared of Aaron Donald. What's he going to do? Sack me? I'll post it right now.
I'll post it right now. Yeah, post it right now.
I would shit myself. Be like Geno Smith would never.
Yeah. Yeah, that was a bad, bad game for the Seahawks, though.
They looked, again, one of the worst second halves I've ever seen a team play. Offensive line doesn't look great? Nope.
Geno, not maybe turning back into Geno. Maybe.
Did we write back? I don't know. Also, the Rams, Sean McVay is still a very good coach.
So I was very low on the Rams this year. And then Puka Nakua from BYU, who just didn't play last year.
Every game I was like, oh, is he going to play? Is he going to play? He's awesome. He had 119 yards.
And Tutu Atwell had 119 yards. And they don't have Cooper Cup for a few weeks.
And the Rams just dominated the Seahawks, which it shocked me. Did every former Redskins coach win today? I don't know.
There's so many. Shanahan, McDaniel, McVay, LaFleur.
Yes. Yeah.
They all did. Yeah.
The Rams, I was impressed. I thought the Rams were going to be bad this year.
O'Connell. O'Connell didn't win.
And they went in and they handled business against the Seahawks. So good for the Rams.
And Matt Stafford looks good. Yeah.
He looked really good. He was throwing the ball and he was like moving around okay.
And they were just running like classic Ram routes where, uh and Matt Stafford looks good yeah he looked really good throwing the ball and he was like moving around okay and they were just running like classic ram routes where uh Matt Stafford kind of rolls out a little and one of their tight ends or receivers running a curl route that's unguardable and it just would be like oh 15 yards no problem yep so I don't know what to make of the Seahawks was it was last year a flash in the pan I, we probably shouldn't overreact too much to week one. But again, that was one of the worst halves of football I've ever seen played.
That's what week two is for. Week two is the big overreaction week.
Because week one, yeah, you can overreact to the opening game. So that Thursday night game, you should overreact to that.
You should overreact to the Monday night game and the Sunday night game, but the rest of it, you should not.

And then week two, once you get the 2-0 or the 0-2 next to a team's name,

then you can be like, Dunchain.

Then you can be like, I'll cut my pinky off if they win the Super Bowl.

I'm bringing back the Dunchain this year, too.

Hank, whose line is it anyway?

Can you give us it?

We'll guess.

I think the Seahawks play the Lions next week.

That might be a time to take the Seahawks. But whose lines anyway? Where's the game? Find the line for us.
Tell us where the game is. I assume it's in Detroit.
It's in Detroit. Okay.
It's going to be Lions. 12 o'clock.
Lions. Six and a half.
I'm going to say Lions four and a half. Right in the middle.
Five and a half? Oh, they don't know what to do with it. It's in a Vegas zone.
Yeah, it's going to shift back and forth. Okay.
That was fun. That was fun.
Whose line is it anyway? We'll do one more. Well, actually, no, we'll wait for it.
Okay. Next game.
Raiders-Broncos. Raiders 17, Broncos 16.

I got a fun stat for you, PFT, which we talked about last year.

But if the Broncos had just scored 20 points in all of their losses last year,

they would have been 10-7.

They won four games, I believe.

Last year, they averaged 16.9 points per game.

Today, they scored 16 points.

And they lost 17 to 16.

Well, the first half looked pretty good.

Yeah, Russell's cooking. So Russ in the first half, he had 125 passing yards.

He was, yeah, 125 passing yards, 17 for 19,

two touchdowns, no interceptions.

In the second half, he was 10 for 15 for 52 yards.

Yeah, bad. Bad, bad second half.
I do like how sean payton came out the gate hot yeah he did an onside kick in his opening kickoff he's been thinking about doing that for the last how many years like two years yeah you know that he's just been in the back of his head he's like when i get back first fucking thing i'm doing we're doing onside did they recover they did but then they said that they touched the ball within 10 yards, but it was close. But you know that Sean Payton, he had a little piece of paper saying onside kick no matter what.
Yeah, absolutely. He'd just look at it every morning, rub it a little bit.
And Jimmy G was not terrible. I have a question for you about Jimmy G.
Yeah. Is Jimmy G a dog? Actually, he might be.
I think he might be a dog. Max Crosby said that he was a dog after the game.
Because he gets hurt a lot. Yeah.
But he still plays. He wants to play when he's hurt.
And he gets hit really hard. And he bangs porn stars.
And he bangs porn stars. That's a dog move right there.
And he's good looking. He's very good looking.
Did you see him in his... The chain? No, when he was in the fighter jet.
Yeah, it looked like Tom Cruise. He was...
It breath away f-18 he's the hottest guy ever uh but yeah jimmy g not so bad and i this is another one where i kind of thought the broncos were going to be they were going to come out and play well and the raiders were going to have a bad year and it's like oh shit and again week one because we might look back and be like remember that time what was the uh year it It was the Jaguars when they won week one against the Colts, and they're like, we're not done yet, and they never won a game again. Yep.
So you never know what week one will do. So guess how many days it's been since the Broncos have beat the Raiders.
Oh. It's got to be a couple years, huh? 532.
Okay. I'm going to guess...
Over, under. Over.
How many would you guess? I'd guess 728. I don't know where that lands us on the calendar.
1,352 days. Wow.
It's a long-ass time. The Broncos just don't win in the AFC West anymore.
They don't. They haven't...
I think Patrick Mahomes has beaten them for like seven straight years. There was that one time that John Gruden went to Kansas City and beat the Chiefs, and then they did laps around Arrowhead Stadium like flipping everybody off.
Yes. That rocked.
That's right. I miss John Gruden.
Yeah, that was the Raiders. I'm saying the Broncos, though.
Oh, the Broncos. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Broncos don't beat the Chiefs. I think Patrick Mahomes maybe never lost to the Broncos.
Yeah. Which sounds right.
It's crazy. Well, the Broncos haven't been very good very good I know which is also crazy because they were one of those teams that for the longest time were like the model franchise always consistent she kind of leader Condoleezza Rice's box tonight no is Jimmy Butler in it there are a lot of dudes in Connie Connie Rice's box nice it was wild nice I don't know how she fit that many guys in her box that's crazy well she was gonna be the Brown to be the Browns head coach.
She's a big bush girl. Yeah.
All right. Let's do one last ad, and then we'll talk about the last couple games, which everyone wants to hear about very badly.
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That's promo code PMT50 at factormeals.com slash PMTT50 and you're going to get 50% off okay uh Packers 38 Bears 20 I I don't really know what to say this is probably the lowest I've felt in a very very long time um yeah that was terrible terrible terrible terrible I it's the same as it ever was. I'm living in the worst version of Groundhog's Day possible.
I had all the hope, all the expectations. I knew the defense was going to suck, so I'm not that surprised that Jordan Love looked good.
he did miss some throws in the first half no big deal but yeah that was really really bad

and everything

I was hoping for I know it's a long season but it feels like it's the Bears are just gonna suck for the rest of my life and the Packers are gonna be good for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do about it and it's so fucking gutting and disappointing and terrible and I know all you sickos and perverts are listening to this right now and you're enjoying it you packers fans you fucking sickos i don't know what else to say it sucks aaron jones said nothing's changed we're still the packers yeah no and they they just they nothing has changed the bears looked horrendous luke getsy I don't know what the fuck he was doing. We reverted back to the Bears offense at the beginning of last season where Justin Fields, there was no design runs.
We're just going to throw the ball. It's basically a bubble screen or a run for two yards.
The stat is there was 3.1 air yards per attempt,

and that was designed.

Like, that was not – that wasn't like Justin Fields.

Like, I don't know what the entire offseason, like, hey,

we're going to beef up the offensive line, which sucked.

They got bullied.

Justin Fields didn't have any chance to throw,

and I'm not going to make – like, he wasn't good either.

It just – everything fucking sucks. sucks everything sucks everything's the same I even said it on Friday is like if I get back to this point I at least I know how to deal with it guess what it's worse than I even could imagine this was as demoralizing as a loss as you could ever have in a week one game so there's a cycle to a running quarterback and it goes usually something like this they start out and the offensive coordinator says okay we got a rookie quarterback he's dynamic with his legs but we need to protect him because there's bigger players in the nfl they're not going to be able to run people over not going to be able to scramble as effectively as they did in college so uh we're going to try to teach them to be a quarterback.
And then they try to make them be a pocket passer. That usually goes off the rails a little bit because they're not used to that.
Then they open up the playbook like they did with the Bears last year. And now you're like, oh, shit, this guy's incredible with his legs.
Look at him go. You start having some success.
You do more of that. Then you say he's better than Trevor Lawrence.
Some people say like when they're pissing out kidney stones and they don't know what they're talking about, this guy might be better than Trevor Lawrence. Then in the offseason, that player or the coach is like, we love how good this guy was last year, but we have to protect him.
He's not going to be able to do that forever. So we're going to make him be more of a pocket pat.
And they cycle back to what they did when they first got into the league. And then's not gonna that's not gonna work you need to let justin fields be like okay well he's great with his legs let him run around a little bit he might take some shots but let's trust him to be smart and use his legs as an offensive weapon because he's not designed to just drop back three steps and throw a slant but it was it was just the whole thing was stupid it's not even like i i just don't the whole thing was fucking stupid and demoralizing and terrible and awful and worse than i could ever even imagine the game flipped like i don't even know what they did at halftime i don't even think the bears even talked at halftime i think they're like i think they actually read my tweet because i said at halftime i was like you know not the best first half but i know that jordan love missed a few throws that Aaron Rodgers would have hit, so it probably would have been 28-6 at half if it was Aaron Rodgers.
They probably read that, and they're like, yeah, we're good, because nothing changed. The Packers looked completely different in the second half.
The Bears looked like they hadn't changed anything, and it just all is back to the same spot where the Bears are going to suck all year. Like, I looked at the schedule.
Now they'll probably lose to the Bucs. Then they have the Chiefs week three.
Like, the Bears are going to suck this year. And I don't ever know if Justin Fields is going to be good because I don't think they're ever going to give him a chance.
And the offensive coordinator is a fucking numbskull. And everything sucks.
And the Packers probably have the best quarterback in the league somehow. So, I brought this up to you in the first half of the game.
I am still concerned about it. You were not concerned about it at the time, but I want to circle back on this item.
This isn't fair. Justin Fields.
This is not fair what you're doing. I think we should talk about it.
Okay. Justin Fields bought Jordan Love's family tickets.
Oh, yeah. I had no problem with that.
To go to the game. Yeah, I had no problem with that.
I don't like it. I had no problem with it.
I said to you in the moment, it's exactly like when Bill Russell, and it obviously didn't work out this way, Bill Russell used to put up Wilt Chamberlain at his house. He used to let him sleep at his house before he beat him in the finals.
Obviously, it didn't work out that way. I don't know why Jordan Love can't fucking buy his own family tickets.
He seems like the cheapest guy in the world, and that's pretty much...

I'm going to have to do this.

I'm going to have to start slandering Jordan Love.

That's the only playbook I have.

Everything I said about Aaron Rodgers,

guess what, Jordan Love?

You get that now.

I'm just going to say mean things about you

and lash out,

because that's the only thing I can do.

Because the Bears are never going to be good,

and nothing is ever going to work for this franchise.

I just think it's weird that Jordan Love is like, hey, can you buy my parents tickets?

It's a strange move.

And then your quarterback against your biggest rival is like, no, buy tickets.

I was going to say something.

I'm not going to say it because I'm not going to say it.

Okay, that's smart.

I know what you're going to say.

It's good that you don't say it.

I was going to say Jordan.

But I'm not going to say it.

Yeah.

I think that's to say it. Okay, that's smart.
I know what you're going to say. It's good that you don't say it.
I was going to say Jordan. But I'm not going to say it.
Yeah, I didn't say it. You want to do whose line is it anyway for Bears, Bucs? You said you want to do it again.
Asshole. You said.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Where's the game? Where's the game? It's in Tampa.
Okay. I'm going to say Bucs minus two and a half.
Bucs probably minus a billion.

Hammer the Bucs.

It's Bucs minus three.

Okay.

I have a question for Max who wanted me to ask you too.

Fuck you, Max.

I was just curious.

You guys are all sick.

You want me to ask it?

Go ahead.

I don't like anyone in this room right now. I'm just curious.
You're saying that. Sam Howell sucks, PFT.
He's not bad. He does suck.
He sucks. You're lashing out.
No, but he sucks. No, you're lashing out.
He sucks. I know better than to take anything you're saying right now.
He sucks. And you hyped up Justin Fields even more than I did, which is crazy.
I thought he was good. And now you're going to pretend like he didn't.
Go ahead, Max. I thought he was good.
In a hypothetical world. You're saying that the Bears are going to stink again this year.
They're going to stink forever. It doesn't matter.
They're going to stink forever. Do you do the same thing or do you take Caleb Williams? If you get if you get the one.
Well, we're going to have one to probably because the Panthers probably going to be bad too. So I don't know.
Probably take Caleb Williams and Drake May and both of them will get hit by a bus. I don't fucking know.

They're going to suck forever.

There's nothing they can do.

And I know I'm overreacting to week one,

but it was against the backers.

It was the first week with Justin Fields and Jordan Love and everything was going to be different,

and nothing was different.

It was somehow worse than it's ever been.

It felt worse because even when Aaron Rodgers,

Aaron Rodgers is a Hall of Famer. He's an an incredible quarterback I can understand why he's beating our brains in I don't I still don't think Jordan Love's that good I don't I think the Bears are just that bad I think Jordan Love's average at best so would you rather get beat by Jordan Love the way that you got beat today or have Aaron Rodgers still be on the Packers and he beats you 40 to nothing I the Aaron Rodgers, because again, I know Aaron Rodgers.
That's the thing. Aaron Rodgers is a Hall of Fame quarterback.
I always, for all the shit I've said about Aaron Rodgers, I've never diminished the fact that he's an incredible quarterback. So losing to him, it made sense to my brain.
Losing to Jordan Love makes no fucking sense. Okay, so Justin Fields.
Except for the fact that it's Packers and bears we always lose to the packers what we saw last year from justin fields like that happened all that stuff happened all the good memories happened big cat he's got that they just need to let him run the fucking ball i know they need to call design runs they need to fucking throw the ball more than two yards past the line of scrimmage and he's good if you can let him run the ball i know i would rather him want to keep him healthy interceptions a game and take chances yeah you want to keep him healthy you want to install an offense that maybe isn't in your you know you didn't sit down and plan this out to have a quarterback running the ball on design runs like 12 times a game but guess what he's really fucking good at running the ball with his legs let him do that the other stuff opens up also he's gonna get way more hurt in the pocket because the offensive line can't do shit. They got bullied.
Absolutely bullied. I'm going to give you one chance to take back the mean things you said about Sam Howell.
No, he sucks. He doesn't suck.
Yeah, he sucks. 1-0.
I'm only doing that because of what you're pretending you didn't say that Justin Fields is better than Trevor Lawrence. No, I acknowledge I said it, and I'm saying I was wrong.
You can't jump ship that quick. I mean, Trevor Lawrence is really good.
Okay. Well, you said that for many weeks.
Okay. Every time you said it, I was like – If Justin Fields, if they let him run, if they let him play with his legs and do all the crazy shit he was doing last year, then, yeah, he's a great quarterback, and I would love to have him on my team.
But they're not going to do that, it looks like. Fine, Sam Howell doesn't suck.
Thank you. 1-0.
Fucking bullshit. I hate everything.
Football is so stupid. It's like every time I'm like, oh, it's going to be different.
No, everything's going to change. It's going to be great.
We've got a quarterback now. I still think Justin Fields is very good, but I think the Bears will fail him.
I think the franchise will fail him. And I still love Ryan Poles.

I think he's doing the right things.

The whole draft is set.

The cap is set.

Everything's set.

But we can't beat the Packers.

I can't wait until after next week.

You guys are going to beat the Bucs by like 20 points.

No, I'll be all the way back.

Justin Fields, the future, Hall of Fame.

Well, no, I still think he's the future.

I just don't know if it will ever happen on the Bears because it's the Bears.

And that's really what it comes down to. It's not a Justin Fields indictment.
It's the Bears are the Bears and the Packers are the Packers. And for the rest of history, it will be the Packers beating the Bears.
And there's nothing I can do about it. And there's no reason for me to even watch sports anymore.
All right. What do you think about his post-game outfit that he wore? I don't even know.
I don't know what he wore. It was like lace.
It looked like a grandmother's lingerie. Franchise quarterback.
I still think Justin Fields is so fucking good. I just.
The Bears are going to fucking fuck this up like they fuck everything up. Again, I love Ryan Pulse.
God damn it. See the confliction in my head? It's all because the Packers.
The Packers do this to me. They fuck me up so bad that I can't do anything about it.
And they just put me in a spiral that I won't get out of. You would be such a happier person if you did Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, if they could just do that for you and the Packers.
Yeah. If you just forget that the Packers exist.
Exist, yes, yes. Like 365 days a year, you would be in a better mood.
Yeah. I've said it before.
If the Bears were like, we're're gonna move to san diego and it's like i just don't have a team anymore and i could just root against the packers that would be kind of cool yeah i think it'd be kind of nice life uh all right that was it for your sickos and perverts i hope you enjoyed it uh i do think the bears are still gonna be good this year and justin fields he's they're gonna open it up they're gonna beat the bucks i'm now i'm back they're gonna beat the bucks and guess what they're gonna beat the chiefs they are chris jones won't be playing still yeah i mean my homes talk about running quarterbacks that can't win in this league the bears are going to be uh 11 and 5 this year there we go yeah yeah what about what about the other game against the packers well there's oh we're gonna lose that There's 17 games. I'm Eternal Sunshine.
Okay, yeah, yeah. Last game of the season doesn't count.
Okay, last game before we talk about Sunday Night Football. Eagles 25, Patriots 20.
Hank, would you like to start? No. Oh.
Because I just talked a lot about how miserable I am. You remember earlier today when you were saying that when you lose, you actually do say a lot of things on the podcast and you're eager to talk about it.
And then we just asked if you wanted to start and you said no. Well, no, I'll talk about it.
I'm happy to talk about it. I thought you'd like the victor would probably want to start first, but that's fine.
I'm happy to talk about it. What do you think this show is? People tune in for misery.
It was Tom Brady Day. They unveiled the new lighthouse.
Sick. Huge jumbotron.
Sick. Are they going to do that lighthouse? That's so far away.
What do you mean? Are they going to do it like the drum and the horn? It's going to be like light to light. Yeah.
That's so far away. It's right behind the stadium.
Right, but then he has to, like, whoever does it has to, like, go down and around. I'm sure they have an elevator.
I'm sure they have an elevator. Gimmicks like that, you guys are just turning into the rest of the league.
Max, what do you guys do before the game? I mean, well, no, that was a Sixers thing. Yeah, Sixers are a loser franchise.
They do. Correct.
They ring the bell, right? Yeah, Sixers ring the bell. I like ringing the bell.
I like the lighthouse thing. I think it's very cool.
I think the Jumbotron is really cool. I think the lighthouse is very cool.
Wait, they unveiled a new Jumbotron? Yeah, so they got a huge Jumbotron. They used to have a lighthouse on the side of the stadium, but they got a huge Jumbotron that was going to block the old lighthouse.
So they unveiled the new Jumbotron and then built a lighthouse that goes over it. It's really where Dead's set on this lighthouse, huh? This is what happens when you guys...
Well, no, it's like we're going to put this huge Jumbotron here for the fans. Robert Kraft cares about the fans, wants to have a huge Jumbotron, but by doing that, they're going to block the old lighthouse.
So they compromised and just made a sick, cool lighthouse. So you have both.
Can I ask a question, Aiden? Sure. Big hat.
Do you think maybe you're starting to realize what happens when you're not spending your time planning parades and banner raisings? You're like, let's build a lighthouse? You know a lot of details about this lighthouse. Well, no.
It does feel like if you guys had continued to raise banners, the lighthouse wouldn't be top of the list. They had a lighthouse before when they were winning championships.
So why'd they get rid of that lighthouse? Because he built a huge jumbotron. You can't get rid of the winning lighthouse.
So get rid of the jumbotron and bring back the old lighthouse. But the jumbotron is for the fans.
Robert Kraft cares about the fans. I think the fans would like to win the super bowls that's gonna happen too we're gonna have we're gonna have a jumbotron a new lighthouse and we're gonna win with mac jones so yeah if we want to get into the game it was pouring rain super wet super sloppy to start the game so the pick six that happened i don't really like that that's just a uh chalk it up to the weather got it even Even though weather's not real in this situation, the rain was wet.
It was a sloppy pass. It was extra wet rain.
Yeah, no, but it was like, no, there's like drizzle. And then there's like Bill Belichick didn't look like the wettest dog in the world.
Yeah, no, it was pouring. It was absolutely pouring.
So there was a pick six. So that was chalk.
That went up to the rain. But when the Eagles had the ball, it was not raining about what about zika elliot ezekiel it was what he fumbled uh he played a pretty good game other than that the patch once it stopped raining in the second quarter had a good comeback hunter henry great great game uh mac jones mac jones played really well he did he played really well comeback.
Fourth quarter, though, the one drive that, you know, drove me nuts in real time and then it came back to bite them in the ass. It was fourth quarter.
I think it was like 13 minutes left. They were inside the Eagles 20.
Fourth and three, they went for it instead of kicking a field goal. It was 22-14.
They could have made it 22-17. Dec decided to go for it not sure why there's plenty of time left in the game i don't know what really what the decision was decided to go for it didn't get it turn the ball over and then they were chasing chasing chasing they scored a touchdown needed to convert the two-point conversion didn't and then they were down five instead of down three so at the end of the game they had to score a touchdown instead of a field goal so that decision is kind of the one that like and the rain well the rain was the beginning of the game after the rain stopped they were down whatever 16 nothing or whatever but they they came back from that they came back from the rain they basically were playing they started the game minus 16 right and they almost And they should have won mac jones didn't play like the best football he even said so after the game he said he you know he let the defense down he is the reason that they didn't win it was tough on tom brady night uh because that's a game obviously you're used to watching tom brady your whole life greatest quarterback of all time He wins those games no problem.
The Eagles gave him two chances to score and win. Jalen Hurts, fumble.
Nick Sirianni went forward on fourth down for no reason. They could have punted the ball.
The pass would have had less than a minute inside their own 20 probably. He decided to go forward on fourth down.
Gave him back the ball you know at the 50 or whatever still couldn't score so it was frustrating it was kind of the ultimate like the tom brady era is over this is the kind of mediocre mac pats you know era that we're in now so it was frustrating uh you're calling a mediocre mac he was Mediocre Mac in the fourth quarter day.

Mediocre Mac, that hurts.

So you're just realizing that now Tom Brady is not your quarterback.

Yeah, but Tom Brady put the jersey on, he did the tunnel.

Yeah, Max was like, what a loser for him wearing his own jersey.

Yeah.

And he's like, who wears his own jersey?

And Nick, who helps out with boomers, Nick is the best, everyone knows Nick,

was like, yeah, every football player ever who plays in the game. Who plays in the game.
Okay. So you're mad that he put on the jersey? No, he was just a loser move.
And he knew it was a loser move. The team made him do it for that TV hit, and then he took it off immediately.
He couldn't have gotten that jersey off fast enough because he knows it was a loser move. The funniest part was he was doing the TV hit, wearing the Tom Brady jersey, and then Hank looked down.
He was like, oh, my God, we're wearing the same shirt. That's awesome.
We were. You were like a kid being like, oh, my hero, just like me.
So, Max, from the winner's perspective. We almost beat the Super Bowl runners up.
That's so Philly. You're more Philly than Max.
Yeah. No, I'm just saying, saying like as bad as it was i still think the this this team is gonna you know win some games that people expect them to lose i actually weirdly thought the patriots like came out of that like their defense is good and i would the eagles looked rustier yeah for sure coaching but that's also like oh he just gave you a great um yeah no the even more so like the coaching in the first half when they went up 16-0 they were just so so defensive and like playing not to lose and everything was a dump down two-yard pass that was like more frustrating than even like i mean the fourth down was super frustrating in real time.
But, I mean, we talk about it all the time. None of the starters played in preseason.
We say it like week one, you can't overreact in week one, and you won the game. So, like, you can't really be that upset, and you just kind of have to look at it as a win and be like, all right, we're on to the next game.
This is getting your rush off.

You're 1-0.

You're 1-0. Yeah, you're 1-0.

What about the top of the NFC East, Max?

What about when Hank assaulted you?

I forgot all about that.

Hank slapped Max.

I mean, my wrist is killing me right now from that.

And Hank is your boss.

He is.

I could easily sue.

HR.

We don't have HR anymore.

But there's court. There's law.
Why do he slap you again? There is court and law. What did you do? What did you do? I was dapping him up.
The Patriots scored a touchdown, so Hank thought that I should be slapped. Yeah, we had an all-time Hank just rollercoaster where he just – you didn't even know he was in the room for the first quarter.
Had his sweatshirt on, could barely see his eyes. And then when the Patriots started coming back, he ripped it off, started yelling at everyone, slapping people.
Hank kind of hit the nail on the head. Like, it's kind of fucked up that this game ended the way that it did with two chances for the Patriots to go down the field and win the game in a last minute drive.
And then you have the one guy that you would trust to do that above anybody else sitting there watching. And all the Patriots fans could think about was, fuck, I really wish Tom Brady was out on the field right now.
Oh, if you had the option of like Tom Brady comes, puts the pad on right now, no warmup. I would have taken that.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, imagine. Yeah.
You were screaming even like, not on Tom night. Yeah.
Say, do it for Tom. Do it for Tom.
Yeah. Imagine being Mac Jones right now and just during the fourth quarter.
And you know that everybody in the stands is looking up into Mr. Kraft's box.
And like, hey. Was Jimmy Butler in there? Yeah, Jimmy Butler was actually there.
Okay. Honestly, in Mac's defense, he threw the right ball.
Like, that was the right throw Yeah, he just got his toes down. I mean, the receiver's got to get his feet in bounds there.
I'd like to put Jake on the pip alongside memes because, Jake, Devontae Smith had a baby yesterday. He had a baby yesterday.
He scored? He scored a touchdown. And he did the baby celebration.
And then after the game, A.J. Brown was like, you know, football is great, but nothing compares to having a baby i was said it when he was doing that i was like did he just yeah he had one yesterday and we didn't know damn it my fault damn it trey turner did it yeah i got you guys every game he hits one yeah uh so how you feel hank knowing that max bested you today you lost to max I lost to Max you usually beat him but you lost to him Mac cost me Max um it is what it is I it sucked it would have been great I would have been you know gleeful joyful would have been thinking about you would have talked playoffs AFC championship Super Bowl potentially now you're not thinking soupy it's just it just sucks we've talked about it a million times but no when you have a caliber player like Tom Brady and you're in these situations you never feel like you're out of a game and when you have a chance in the fourth quarter one possession game you know you're going to win and the Eagles were giving that game away and it was like this is a game that we should win the the fumble the fourth down like they gift wrapped us the game and we couldn't convert and that's something i'm not used to it's something i'm still getting used to but it it sucks it sucks sucks.
You know the Patriots next game? Who are they playing?

Sunday Night Football.

Oh.

Spoiler.

Whose line is it anyway?

Where's the game?

The game is in New England.

I'm going to say Dolphins minus two and a half.

I'm going to say Patriots minus one.

Dolphins minus two.

Ooh.

Okay. Spoiler season.
Spoiler season minus two. Ooh.
Okay.

Spoiler season.

Spoiler season keeps going.

So how do you feel going into that game?

Yeah.

I feel like everyone thinks the Dolphins are going to win

when the Patriots have to spoil them.

Yeah.

Let's hope for no rain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The rain would fuck you up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We got to schedule that next week, too.

Also, Mac Jones, another bad tackling performance.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's...

I wouldn't...

Yeah.

It's kind of his game.

Yeah, I mean...

He didn't get stiff on this side.

He probably shouldn't be tackling because he shouldn't throw the picks.

If you're Mac Jones, you probably should learn how to tackle.

Yeah.

Maybe give him an angle, force him out of bounds.

Yeah.

But also, don't throw the pick.

Well, sometimes...

Hit the receiver in the hands. If you can touch it, you can catch it.
Sometimes your teammate throws the pick when he, sometimes... Hit the receiver in the hands.

If you can touch it, you can catch it.

Sometimes your teammate throws the pick

when he's trying to pass the ball back to you.

That's true.

That is true.

Not the best tackler.

But Mac Jones played well.

But he admitted it himself.

He let the team, the region, Tom Brady down in the fourth quarter.

And you lost to Max.

And I lost to Max.

All right, last game. And then we'll do who's back and get out of here cowboys absolutely shellacked the giants 40 to nothing yeah but what it was wet tonight it was wet daniel jones got absolutely manhandled uh i yeah i mean this game sucked some fun stats here They had uh seven sacks two forced fumbles two interceptions one blocked field goal for a touchdown one pick six and a complete shut out it was crazy i mean dak prescott the the cowboys won 40 to nothing and dak prescott had 143 yards passing no touchdowns that's a that's a pretty good defensive performance for the cowboys probably as bad as as you want to start your season if you're the giants do you think the giants are as as down as you are right now yeah because they just paid daniel jones a shitload of money and it's very similar to kind of the vikings where it's like you won a bunch of games last year by the skin of your teeth will this year be different they also sneaky just don't beat the cowboys i think it's something like 13 and 1 in the last we talked about it in nerd yeah we talked about nerd nuggets so yeah the giants looked as bad as bad could be um i that was a hilarious who who does the nbc sideline now i'm just chad collinsworth i believe melissa stark savage moved by her in the interview with dac prescott before the game She was like so last year you led the league In interceptions how's it gonna be different this year He was just like what he said He was just like we're just focused on winning See I do love a good Dak interception though Yeah it's so sad I know we got robbed of it tonight It sucks I also feel You know I'm not like A huge Jerry Jones fan but Good for him because I think Jerry Jones is about to die.
Why's that? Did you see the hologram that he made? Oh, yeah. The hologram is awesome.
You don't make. So there's an AT&T Stadium.
Jerry Jones unveiled a hologram. Jerry Jones.
That's interactive where fans can ask him questions and he will answer different answers

like based on just whatever.

It's AI, hologram.

You don't make that unless you're about to die.

I disagree.

I think you make that after you die.

Jerry Jones might already be dead.

He might be dead.

Because think about the holograms that you know.

Yeah.

Tupac.

Yeah.

That's pretty much it.

I wonder though how much of those,

there's got to be a list of questions

that are allowed to be asked. No.
And some that can't. No.
We need to go interview A.I. Jerry Jones.
Yeah. Where's the best place to come? In a man's shoe.
In a man's shoe. Hey, Jerry, how was high school in Arkansas? It was great for me.
Yeah. Spent a lot of time outside, directly outside? That's definitely like an about-to-die guy move.
I think he might be dead already. I think that the Jerry Jones that we see now is a hologram Jerry Jones.
Yeah. A live person does not make a hologram of themselves.
The video of them unveiling it was so weird and so creepy. I need to talk to it.
I want to spend time. Yeah, a bunch of people sitting there, like, smiling.
Go, we get to talk to Jerry Jones. There should also be an AI hologram drunk Jerry Jones.
That would be great. Like, six shots of Johnny Walker Blue.
That's the Jerry Jones I want to talk to. Yes.
Not some sober robot. I would definitely imagine that when he does die, he will have it in place that, like, there'll be a hologram of him in his box.
So they'll show him on TV forever. I actually think that when the plan for Jerry Jones is when he dies, the Cowboys will continue to be run by the AI version of Jerry Jones.
Yes. He's not going to pass that down to his son.
No. Or the guy that cleans his glasses.
Yeah. Jerry's going to be running that team for forever from the on the grave.
It's going to be an algorithm. Yes.
That's just like, okay, draft the fastest player from Arkansas. Yeah.
Do we have four wide receivers? Get another. Yeah, I need another.
Yeah. Need some guy to run that field? Snatch that pigskin.
Yeah. But yeah, the Cowboys absolutely.
Give Dak 40 more million dollars. They demolished the Giants.
Yeah. That was a demolition.
It was a butt whooping. It was an ass, ass kicking.
All right. But spin zone, is it such a badass kicking that the Giants can just be like burn the tape? Burn the tape.
Yeah, it was wet. I don't know.
That was pretty tough. If it wasn't as wet tonight, you never know what would have happened.
That's a game if you're the Giants, you need to lose by like seven to feel good. You can lose it and still feel good.
Not 40 to nothing. Okay.
Let's finish up. We got Who's Back of the Week.
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Okay. Who's back of the week?

Hank. My who's back of the week is the

Joker. Wait, you can't do that.

My who's back of the week is Coco Gaugh. That was mine.
American. She related to Jared? She's not related to Jared.
Different spelling. G-A-U-F-F.
Yeah. G-A-U-F-F.
Champion of the Women's U.S. Open.
Sabalenka. I loved her move after she lost.
What was it? She just very casually walked into the tunnel, set her second-place trophy down, took her racket out of her bag, and just demolished it. That's awesome.
No one was around, too. Because I love when they give the second-place trophy in tennis, and it's usually just a tray.
It's a plate, yeah's a plate that's designed to have cocaine done off it. And they just have to sit there and just stand, and then they make them give a speech and do stand-up.
Do 10 minutes of stand-up that are supposed to be gracious, eloquent, and funny, and have some jokes off the top of their head after they just lost. That's one of my favorite traditions in sports, but I respect the fact that that she was like fuck this trophy yeah they also give a gift to the chair umpire and recognize that you love that no that's weird dude it's a weird love that that's over the top you love that i had this thought when i was watching this weekend and it's like the ultimate you know i guess you don't know what you got till it's gone or like you just i didn't give a i never even thought never really crossed my mind about

going to the u.s open and i was watching this weekend i was like that looks kind of fun like

it'd be cool to go to the u.s open dude tennis is so boring i would like but the u.s open looks

fun kind of like like the masters or like a you know one of these once once a once a year

tournaments i would love to be just they had like they were showing leo and like all these people

it'd be cool to be teleported into the u.s open but to have to actually get out there would suck

Thank you. once a year tournaments.
I would love to be just... They were showing Leo and all these people.
It'd be cool to be teleported into the US Open, but to have to actually get out there would suck. And also to watch tennis sucks.
I'll just do my who's back real quick because we're talking tennis. The Joker, 24.
And counting, 24. Did you see the This League and Friday Sunday Finals? Yeah, he fucking hung the phone on Ben Shelton.
Yeah. Joker's the best.
He's the GOAT. I root for winners.
I am a winner. I root for winners.
Joker, the man. Your little fucking boy toy, Roger Federer.
You love him. You got a picture with him.
You asked for a picture with him. Yeah, and I said, hey, hold this umbrella because you're a bitch.
Joker's got you, bitch. You would never say that to Roger's face.
I whispered it right to his face. It was actually not.
It wasn't Roger Federer. It was the wonton done.
Oh, yeah. Are you serious? It wasn't actually Roger Federer.
Yeah. Uh.
Uh. Yeah, but your little boy toy, Roger Federer, is sitting there watching Joker just ring it up 24 and counting.
How many more is that than everyone else? I don't know, but he's got more. You do know.
I got to look it up. 22, I think.
One or two more, yeah. He's the man.
The best. Did he go straight sweep? Straight sets.
Was it against an American? No. So we didn't even make it to the finals? Medvedev, whose country is not recognized.
Oh, okay.

What is it?

Russia.

Country not recognized?

Yeah, no, they black it out.

They should have the flag, but they pixelate it like it's Asian porn.

Yeah.

No, they kind of do that.

They black it out.

That's awesome.

Look at Gray Square.

Aaron Nagler just texted me.

What a game, huh?

Fuck you, dude.

I'm sorry.

Fuck you, dude. PFT.
My Who's Back of the Week is Taylor Luan. He's back.
He had like a 15-second retirement this morning. We put out a clip on Barstool Sports of Taylor retiring from the NFL.
Yes. That did not include the part where he said that he's joking and not retired.
Yes. So Taylor Luan officially back.
If you're a GM that listens to this show, that maybe got a notification from an Adam Schefter retweet, and you think Taylor Luan is not available to be signed, au contraire, he is ready to be signed to be the best 250-pound left tackle in NFL history this year. Yes.
So bring him back. Just setting the record straight on that one.
Yes. Also, who's back of the week is Urinals.

Oh, yeah.

You see the Coctagon?

I saw the Coctagon.

So Penn State, they have porta-potties set up outside Happy Valley, right?

Or at Happy Valley?

I would have liked to be someone other than Penn State. Yeah, when you take into account all the bad things that have happened in restrooms,

like fitting more guys into the same restroom in Penn State, probably not the best idea.

Unique joke.

Thank you. Oh, don't get sensitive now, Max.
Anywho, they designed a urinal that lets eight dudes take a piss at the same time, and it looks awesome. Yeah, no, it's efficient.
I got to take it for a spin. Yeah, yeah.
It's a top 10 port-a-potty. It looks sick.
Jake. Who's back? The Water Dogs.
Yes.

Yeah. You guys team absolutely demolished the cannons and they are going to their second straight

PLL championship game two weeks from today.

We had the game on TV.

Yep.

And it was a fucking.

Never sweat.

We kicked their ass.

It was never it out.

No.

We kicked their fucking ass.

So if we win back to back PLL championships, it'd be the first time in, to my knowledge.

To your knowledge.

Sure.

In PLL history. But the Whipsnakes may have done.
Oh, who knows what gives a fuck about the Whipsnakes? When the league started. Oh, this is true.
That was the pre-expansion. Yeah, when there were five teams in the league.
Yeah. It's true.
This is like the Red Wings claiming a title for like, When they didn't let bros from Long Island play. Yeah.
It wasn't the best pool of talent back then, Jake. Yeah.
Who should the MVP should have been for this game? The goalie. Yeah, sure.
Dylan Ward. Yeah, Dylan Ward was awesome.
Dylan Ward. He's our MVP.
But you have to ask, like, if we do repeat, Big Cat and I might be the best owners in the history of professional lacrosse. Yeah.
Ever. Yeah.
What, Hank? We're the Robert Kraft of lacrosse. Do you have a ring? Hank? Oh, and Hank, yeah.
Do you have a ring? Hank, should we build a lighthouse for all the Waterdogs fans for next season? Hank, are you trying to get your first ring? I remember my first ring. It was awesome.
We should build a Jumbotron at the Waterdogs home stadium and that'll cover up the old lighthouse and we'll build a bigger lighthouse. Yeah, we've got to build a lighthouse, then the Jumbotron, then another lighthouse.
But that's not until we're done winning race yep true yeah so they're 48 minutes away 48 is that how many minutes are in a lacrosse game 12 minute quarters it's being played in chicago oh uh philly sunday's number 24th 48 minutes away that is that's lacrosse game time 12 minute quarters got it wait so it's it's the 10th today and the championship is on the 22 oh like the super bowl yeah you have to have media a quarter. Got it.
Wait, so it's the 10th today, and the championship is on the 20th.

They get two weeks off.

It's like the Super Bowl.

Yeah, like Super Bowl.

You have to have media week.

Super Bowl week.

Yeah, got it.

Is it being played on?

Yeah, Sunday, September 24th.

What time?

2 p.m. Central.

During the watching hour.

We'll have it on.

I'll have it on my computer.

Yeah.

You just let us know.

Yeah.

Actually, you know what?

Don't tell us, and then if a ring just shows up, we'll be like, that was awesome. Good job by us.
Are we going to send Billy to it? I think him and Dugues are going again. That's the ultimate.
Dinosaur's no job now. Jake has one more who's back, and that's football guys.
Billy tweeted also during the game, Billy tweeted, The early slate has been kind of mid not gonna lie

And then his next tweet was just him and Dugues hanging out outdoors in a beer garden

Getting drunk I'm sure Billy watched all the

That was the entire slate

Yeah Billy was pre saying like oh who would watch this football

Yeah

It's gonna suck

Yeah

Trying to wish you a new existence

No we're not doing it

I thought we weren't doing it

Yeah we aren't

Hank

Oh yeah

Plug God

Football guy shirts in the Barstool store

Oh

New football guy

Yes

Thank you. No, we're not doing it.
I thought we weren't doing it. Yeah, we aren't.
Hank. Oh, yeah.
Plug God. Football guy shirts in the Barstool store.
Oh. New football guy shirts.
Hank is rocking the Navy claw. We can call it skeleton claw.
The claw. Yeah.
The claw. The claw.
I don't know. It looks like a claw.
It's a hand. It's a skeleton hand.
They're sick. Yeah.
They're sick. We have hats? There's hats.
Hats aren't on yet. They're coming.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, so go buy them right now. They're awesome, awesome football guy shirts.
Also, obviously Texas is back, but we talk college football on Wednesday. So we're going to do a whole college football on Wednesday.
We'll talk about the whole weekend. I was in Tuscaloosa.
I have some thoughts on that. But yeah, week one, boys, we did it.

We'll get better with time. We always go

late for week one. Yeah.

It was fun a little earlier. It was fun.
It was fun

just having just nothing

but football on in front of our brains.

Oh, I'm so excited for Monday Night Football.

Monday Night Previews.

Jake, go.

Nugget. Oh, yes.
Josh Allen absolutely dominates on Monday night football

in his six Monday night football games he's thrown 18 touchdowns and two interceptions

wow okay memes give us your Monday night preview you're a big Jets fan memes

pretty nervous but I think we're gonna win oh okay wow huge I'm just going

Thank you. night preview you're big jets fan memes pretty nervous but uh i think we're gonna win oh okay wow huge i'm just going for it do you have a nerd nugget for us yeah no uh i was thinking about when big cat was talking uh earlier in the week he was excited i'm nervous for the fact of what he's going through right now yeah and we're just gonna go back to the same old going to go back to the same old Jets.
But Hank then mentioned Tom Brady, Hall of Fame quarterback.

He would take him on the field in that.

Winner, though.

Winner.

Aaron Rodgers, also a winner.

Nah, man. He won.

He won.

Actually, like, historically disappointing loser, given his talent.

Jay Cutler had to lose his leg in the NFC Championship game for that to happen.

Aaron Rodgers, still a Hall of Famer.

Did you hear Jake's nugget, though?

Yeah, who cares?

The Jets are going to meet.

I have this camera get on me. Jets are going to meet.

Just fine.

I think next Sunday

we should try to get the

Boomers done early, and maybe we'll

tape the whole show during

the Patriots game. That would be fun.
That would be fun, right, Hank? Sure. Yeah.
And who are they playing again? The Dolphins. Yeah, we should do that.
Oh, so that's Jake's team. Yeah.
So we have Jake and Hank going up against each other. Let's do it.
That would be great. You want to do that? Yeah.
For the program. People would like it.
Oh, don't do that.

Yeah.

I mean, what's the worst that's going to happen?

The Patriots look bad and you just don't talk?

Probably.

All right.

Week one in the books.

Good job, boys.

Good job.

Numbers.

Three.

Memes, you ever gotten this?

18.

14. 42.
Shane. 20.
Shane has 10. 93.
Damn. 93.
Love you guys. There's another movie.
I'm talking away. I don't know what I'm to say.
I'll say it anyway. Today is another day to find you shying away.
I'll be coming for your lover. Take me on me.
Take me on me. Take me out.
Take me to the old people You take me to the old people

Take me to the old people

I need less to say

I want to set it

But I need some little way

It's harder than my life is okay

Thank you. I need less to say.
I want to send it. It's about to be in some little way.
It's better than my life is okay. Say after me.
It's better to be safe than sorry. Drink on me.
Drink on me. Drink on me.
Drink on me. All I need is to go.
I love you on me. I love you.

Drink on me.

Take me up.

Take me up.

Take me up.

Drink on me. I love you.

Take me me. Take on me.
Take on me.

I feel the same.

I feel the same.

I remember you.

You often talk to my world.

I'm shy.

I'm coming to you.

Take on me. Take on me.
Take me. Take me.

Take me.