Dan Patrick, Lions Beat The Chiefs, Week 1 Picks & Preview, Fantasy F-Bois And Fyre Fest Of The Week

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On today's part of my take, football is all the way back. We're going to talk Lions Chiefs.
What a win for the Lions. We are going to preview every single game for week one.
Fantasy boys are back our picks an incredible interview with dan patrick good friend of the show caught up with him he's got a new book out right now go buy it support our friends we also have a very special presentation from jake marsh on uh obama possibly being gay so uh it So we're going to cover everything.

And then we finish up with Fyre Fest of the Week.

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Okay, let's go. It's part of my take.
It's part of my take. It's about Barstool Sports.
Welcome to part of my take. It's in my varsity sports.

Welcome to part of my take.

Today is Friday, September 8th. And the Detroit Lions just went into Kansas City and won a football game.

How about them Lions?

How about them Lions?

How about Jerry Goff, friend of the program?

Jared looked awesome tonight.

We were rooting hard for him.

All of us were, right?

All of us.

Except for Hank.

Hank, you weren't?

I was rooting for Jared.

Oh, did you bet over a half an interception?

I was rooting for Jared.

I was rooting for Jared.

You're rooting for Jared.

Let's give a hand to Kadarius Toney.

He needs one.

He needs two.

What do you think the conversation is right now between Patrick Mahomes and Kadarius Tony do you think he says like he just throws a box at him hey hey cadarius i want to go let's keep your head up because you know it's a long season we're gonna need you we're gonna have there you'll catch a game win touchdown next weekend buddy i actually think the chiefs would have won that game without cadarius tony yeah he gave them a pick six he then dropped that ball at the end of the game uh where it was just easily catchable he dropped that what was a third down conversion when the guy ran across his face he was god awful and listen cheese fans you've had a lot of uh great years your team's gonna be fine your second and third best player didn't play in this game and chris jones and travis kelsey turns out travis kelsey very important uh and chris jones for that matter this night though was about the lions and the lions like dan campbell coming into the game nuts on the table going for it on fourth down on the 16 their own 16 yard line fake punt i fucking love the guy yeah he doesn. And you should know this about Dan Campbell, too.
It's not like he hasn't done this before. If you're the Chiefs, you should have probably been prepared for that fake punt because Dan Campbell absolutely loves to do insane shit early in the games, and it worked out for him this time.
The Lions offense looked pretty good in the first quarter until they snapped the ball into their own wide receiver's dick. Yeah, that kind of hurt them.
And then at that point, they didn't really do much for the next, I don't know, like two quarters on offense. Jameer Gibbs did look good on the outside.
Montgomery looks good on the inside. Jameer Gibbs.
I think it's a rookie thing. So outside on the bench, you mean? Jameer Gibbs.
Yeah, no, he wasn't in the game that much, but when he got that, what I'm saying is when he got the ball on the outside, he's got those fresh rookie legs. He's got to work a little bit on the vision.
He treaded close to Trent Richardson territory where there were a few gaps that he had that he just ran the opposite way. So give the ball to Montgomery on the inside.
Give the ball to Gibbs on the outside for right now. But yeah, Dan Campbell, well-coached team.
Very well- it was very well it was cool to see because obviously the Lions have been probably the most hyped team

in the offseason the way they finished last year the fact that Dan Campbell is the man uh and then

to come in to Kansas City on banner night and back that up it was fucking awesome I'm happy for

this got to be one of the best Lions victories in the last like 30 years yes huge this is massive

for them and and now it felt like they were gonna they were gonna get into the territory where

I don't know. to be one of the best Lions victories in the last like 30 years yes huge this is massive for them and and now it felt like they were gonna they were gonna get into the territory where they get the moral victory and then they can build off that we almost beat the world champions but no you went into their you went into their house you ate their lunch and now you're going home and you're feeling good about yourself so I got one thing one thing that if you're a Chiefs fan listening to this right now again I think you're gonna're going to be fine because you have Patrick Mahomes.
He is Superman, and you are going to get Travis Kelsey back. Travis Kelsey apparently was like pleading to play, and they're like, no, we're trying to win a Super Bowl.
What? Well, they should have let him play. They should have let him play.
I thought they were okay at the tight end position tonight. Yeah, no, they were, but Travis Kelsey still is that guy who like will, you know, like these big third down conversions.
He's just always there. Actually, I actually think that they obviously need more help on the outside.
But he can play everywhere. If they had like one solid wide receiver and then the current tight ends that they had tonight, I think they might have won that game.
Or just erase Canarias Tone. Yeah, just take his body out.
Take him away, yeah. Just have someone run routes, run his routes, but never get the ball.
Yeah. You win that game.
Just use him as a decoy. But I have one thing that the Chiefs fans need to be worried about.
I got one, too. It's one name.
His name is Matt Nagy. Okay.
Well, yeah, because that's kind of the same thing I was going after. Eric B.
Enemy is no longer with the Chiefs. And Chiefs fans, you saw Matt Nagy in all his glory on that third and two when they got so cute and they did a direct snap, I believe to the tight end maybe and kind of end around play where they took the ball out of Patrick Mahomes, the best football player in the world.
They took the ball out of that guy's hands and got cute. And that was a Nagy special.
I don't know if it was Nagy, though, because Andy Reid has been running those plays for years. Matt Nagy is an Andy Reid guy.
The one knock that we have on Andy Reid, he gets too cute with it. They got cute in the red zone earlier.
No, that was a Matt Nagy play. He loves that play.
But you're right, Big Cat. They don't have Eric Bien-Ami.
Is Patrick Mahomes a system quarterback? Was Eric Bien-Amiemi the system do i now have the system have i collect might have the system is the system belong to me now all your system belongs to us no i think it is but that that was a matt nagy play call and the idiocy of taking the ball out of patrick mahomes hands on a third and two is mind-blowing yeah it is mind-blowingly dumb but i know that like we play you know uh backseat driver you know monday morning quarterback but that's just a simple fact of like i don't care what like if that play even works it's still a bad play call to be like hey we need a third down conversion and patrick mahomes our quarterback and we're gonna not have him touch the ball patrick mahomes had a great night running the ball too tonight and so i think my my new thing is just so sneaky. I'm going to be like Patrick Mahomes great scrambler

excellent runner of the ball, but he needs to learn

how to stay in the pocket and be a true passer

Pete Prisco. Yeah, listen

I don't like this new age junk

Patrick Mahomes obviously great athlete, but is

he a good quarterback? I don't know. Yeah

it's good. I'd like to see him develop.
I don't think

he's going to last long in the league if he doesn't learn

how to pass the ball big cat. He's so sneaky

running because he just always feels like he's

about to slide, but he's never going to see him develop. I don't think he's going to last long in the league if he doesn't learn how to pass the ball, Big Cat.
He's so sneaky running because he just always feels like he's about to slide,

but he's never going to slide.

And so everyone, it does feel like all the defenders,

no one wants to take a full hit on him.

I also think that Mahomes has the fastest slide in the league.

He gets from running or doing his duck waddle that he does

to being full ass cheeks on the ground in like a quarter second.

And he's also so smart with like,

when he,

when he takes off,

you know that he's seeing the field so well that there's a huge amount of

space for him.

He doesn't take,

it's very rare to see him take off and be like,

Oh,

he got one yard.

Like he's already,

he's always looking downfield and he's like,

Oh,

now I have all this time.

But again,

the lions,

it was a lion's night credit to Aiden Hutchinson too.

Yeah.

That dude is a fucking monster and his family.

I think it's a lions night credit to aiden hutchinson too yeah that dude is a fucking monster and his family i really hope that the nbc producers the guys in the truck were smart enough to to cut the mic'd up feed on mrs hutchinson when she went to the bathroom because you know that pervert mike tarico he'd be listening to that that's true i hope they did that but uh hutchinson six pressures, six pressures on Mahomes, and Mahomes was two for six when he was being pressured by Hutchinson. But also, Hutchinson made the right tackle and the left tackle cheat tonight.
He was so good that the Chiefs' offensive linemen were cheating on every single play. But is this the Lane Johnson we discussed last year? It was even worse.
You could move back. I know it was worse.
It looked bad. I don't blame the Chiefs players.
I blame the referee. So if you're on the Chiefs O-line and you're able to get two steps before the defensive player gets off the ball at all, then yeah, keep doing it.
That was smart by them. Jeff Schwartz, do a video for us tomorrow explaining this.
Because I remember watching a video last year where everyone's like, Lane Johnson is cheating. It's like like no technically he's not I can't remember the details of but it did look when you're watching it you're like what the hell is going on the ref that they had Terry McAuliffe yeah his name he he even said yeah this is this cheating they're cheating yeah I mean it's not cheating if you don't call it I guess right right it was actually a well-played game flags.
Yeah. Like, it was nice to see that.
It was nice not to see just flag after flag after flag. And because September's football can be kind of sloppy.
We didn't really have that. We had, you know, what Mahomes had.
Well, Canarius Tony had an interception. And then the fumble for the Lions.
So, great game. Great game by Jack Fox, too.
I know you're listening right now, Jack. Yeah.
Great punting. We sat back back and we're just like there's just no better feeling than watching the first game and being like we have all the football in front of us it was good all of it was big cat scared me because at halftime yeah big cat was like i've got a i've got a scary scary stat that i want to say to you and i was like don't say it don't say it because i thought big cat was going to do the thing that i'm going to do now but i'm going to use use it as an example of what not to do.
Yeah, I don't do this until at least like October. When you're like, we actually are so much closer to the season being over.
Yeah, no, I don't do that shit. It's a fucked up thing to say.
I don't do it until like week nine. I thought Big Cat was going to come at me with that, but instead he dropped the most depressing stat of all time on me.
Do you want to say it? Yeah. I don't know why this popped in my head.
It just did. I was just thinking about the Super Bowl.
You know, when you're watching the first game, you're like, road to Super Bowl starts here. Get a little romantic about the whole thing.
Football is like a guy's romance language. And I realized that this 2023-24 season is the last full season that PFT and I will watch in our 30s.
So next, that sucks. 2025 Super Bowl.
We will both be 40. Now, the Barstool Sports main account posted this, and it hurt me more than it hurt you because there was a lot of people who were like, big ass on 50.
So that hurt.

I think I need to do a little touch up on the old hair.

I do have like half the population thinking that I'm 28 because I say it all the time. It's a joke.

Well, you kind of think that too.

I know sometimes.

Not anymore.

Yeah.

I'm like, I'm 31 now.

You know what though?

We're going to fight.

We have, we have whatever it is, 16 months to figure out a way out of this. And by that, I mean kill ourselves.
Yeah, I was going to say, we could never get to 40. When Big Cat said that to me, my resolution was, I'm going to do all the drugs at the Super Bowl this year in Vegas.
It's the last year where you can think, okay, well, we're young. We're making 30-year-old mistakes.
Listen, we're young. We're just kids.
We're just kids that make mistakes. Sometimes we don't know any better.

Yeah.

We're going to be cool though.

We're going to, we're going to be cool.

We're going to be like, yeah, like we're old heads now.

Yeah.

We're going to do like the LeBron thing.

All these young bucks trying to podcast.

Yeah.

We're here.

We're here.

Year 25.

Are you going for one night?

Just as hard, if not harder than all the young kids.

And then you don't get up until like 5 PM the next day.

And then you're in bed for a week.

Oh, if, but in that one night, you're like, yeah, it would be a month. Yeah, it would be a month.
I mean, Hank is right now battling his first true hangover in his 30s. And it's a hard one.
He's been hungover for three straight days. Can I give you a little word of advice, Hank? Yes.
So if you've got the tail end of a bachelor party hangover you probably you feel not as bad on Monday sometimes you feel worse on Tuesday you're going to want to drink four beers on Tuesday night well it's Thursday night I know but I'm saying in that situation if you have like a three-day weekend you come down off it Tuesday you don't feel that or I guess it was a three-day weekend so Tuesday you might not have felt that bad no I did well then drink four beers the other two beers and you feel like you're golden again I've only seen this happen once I had a buddy do this one time and it was the most genius thing I've ever seen we went to a bachelor party it was one of those like Thursday night to Sunday morning ones we I think it was in Charleston he booked a hotel in Charleston on Sunday night and he like, as all of us went to the airport, just in shambles, he just went to a hotel and just slept in like a cold hotel room for like 15 hours. Then went home.
It's great. On Monday.
It's a good call. But also the four beers.
Yeah. And the four beers.
You're going to make it. We're through.
We're through. Are you? Yeah.
It's the weekend. Not really.
Yeah, it's Friday. No, it's the weekend.
It's the weekend. No, it's the weekend.
Friday is the weekend. Are you working? I've learned one thing this past few weeks.
It's that cows and bulls are the same species and Fridays are the weekend. Yeah.
Stay tuned. All right.
Well, yeah. And speaking of, we should say we'll be at the Max is running the 5k on Saturday morning.
I'll be there. Montrose Harbor.
Plug God. Go buy the new Apple Crisp and Pumpkin Spice.
Pumpkin Spice. I like that.
Pumpkin Spice. Apple Crisp is the best.
It is a tailgate cold Big Ten morning dream. I will say this the only other thing i'll say about the the bachelor party come down hangover is that you're still hungover the amount of and i'm sure this happens this this happened to me in my 20s too but after a long weekend the amount of time you spend thinking about how you're not going to drink again yeah for those first four days it's like i'm doing this to myself again.
And then you eventually get to an age where you just don't drink again. Yeah.
Yeah. I might be there.
I was having those thoughts. I was having that.
I was like. But aren't you? Aren't you going watch big Nebraska? Yeah.
That's for work, though. That's where I was like having those thoughts.
I was like, I can't do this Saturday. I can't do this Saturday.
But content work. It's a hard job.
You don't have to drink, though. Oh, no.
Come on. He's got to drink.
You don't have to. Some people are capable of doing that, like being in a drinking atmosphere, not drinking.
I am not one of those people. I cannot drink, but I have to remove myself from the equation.
If I'm in a bar, I won't drink liquor. I think that's the plan.
Just no liquor. Yeah.
You got to just be like, no shots. Yeah.
That's the rule. Coors Light.
No shots. No vodka drinks.
No whiskey drinks. You're going to drink so much liquor drinks.
Coors Light. Coors Light.
You get knocked down. But you get back up again.
Yeah. That's the Hank Lockwood story.
Yeah. I do have a prediction for Kadarius Tony.
Okay. How this season is going to play out.
Because it. Gulag.
Yeah, grocery bagger. What's going to happen is he's going to have another bad performance in one of the next two weeks.
If he doesn't have an injury by then, he's going to get mad at Mahomes for not throwing the ball anymore. And then by week nine, he's going to get disciplined by the team for yelling at my homes during practice to throw him the ball more he's going to come back get more angry at my homes for not throwing the ball probably take off his shoe do something insane try to stab him with the toe cleat and then he's going to get traded cut removed from the team that's that's raider raider that's how the season plays out for Kadarius Toney.
I know how his brain works.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was not a good night for Kadarius Toney, but a great night for the Lions.

Let's kick it to ourselves. We're going to do a preview of every single game on Sunday and Fantasy Fuck Boys and Dan Patrick.

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And weather whatever in Ariat gear week one boys we made it we made it so what we're going to do this year we already teased this last year it got a little confusing when we go game by game and be like who's got to pick on this game we're going to talk about every game and at the end we're all going to give our two best bets a total and and a side, and that will be the competition. So it'll be the best running competition throughout the year.
Two best bets a week. No overlap picks.
We'll draft the picks. But this way we're going to talk about every game and then you get a little bit of gambling at the end.
I think what we should do, I was thinking about how to strategically start it. I think what I've done is I've separated the early slate

and how we preview this for our TV games and our non-TV games.

So we have six TVs in the office.

So I think we'll have five TVs on games and red zone,

and there'll be a few off.

So we're going to start with our TV games, okay?

And the first TV game I had was Bengals-Browns.

Yep, that's going to be a sneaky good matchup. It's one of these games where you look at the logos and if you've been watching football as long as we have, there's still something shocking about seeing these two logos next to each other and thinking this is our one one TV game of the week.
Yes. But the Bengals are good.
The Browns are really good. The Browns should be good.
We don't know what's going to happen with Deshaun Watson this season. I'm pumped.
I'm pumped for this game. The battle for Ohio.
I'm very pumped for this game. The one thing that I have sticking in my head, I am trying my best going into week one to think about the long term and the short term here where it's like long term, I think the Bengals are a definite Super Bowl contender.
I would almost like pencil them into at least the second round AFC championship game.

I think they are that good.

Short term, Joe Burrow misses half of training camp again.

What happened last year?

He missed it for his appendectomy.

He threw four picks against the Steelers.

Lost in overtime to a Steelers team that was not that good last year.

They were kind of middle of the road, especially at the beginning of the season. I feel like he's going to be rusty again.
I think the Bengals will be there long term, but I think this is a tough spot for the Bengals. Week one with Joe Burrow coming back from not practicing at all.
Well, the exception for that, the stat of the Browns being dominant over the Bengals, was that one game last year. Yeah.
But recently, the Browns have been better head-to-head. I think they're 5-1 against Burrow.
5-1 against Burrow. And, yeah, the Browns are...
Run the damn ball. Let's start the season off on a good foot, Stefanski.
Run the damn ball. Don't get cute with it.
I know you don't have Chunt anymore. You just got Chubb, so they're missing Hunt.
But just give the fucking ball to Nick Chubb and let him just run. I also, now this is, follow me along because this might get a little weird, but Deshaun Watson, everything off the field, I think he's the perfect quarterback for the Browns and here's why.
The Browns are very good. The Browns have a very good roster.
Deshaun Watson, when he was playing for the Texans, was a phenomenal top five quarterback in the league, right? But a lot of people don't want to talk about the Browns because Deshaun Watson so it tempers the Browns hype and the Browns are one of those teams I put in the category of like never over hype the Browns or the Lions some of these teams he might be the perfect quarterback where it's like they are really really good if Deshaun Watson plays well they're going to be phenomenal but we're not going to hype them too much because then we have to talk about Deshaun Watson well you know who is talking about Deshaun Watson who is an advocate for Deshaun Watson maybe his biggest fan this year actually who Hank Lockwood Hank Lockwood to our left Hank Hank drafted Deshaun Watson which I thought was a disgusting act I disavow personally I do too I disavow Deshaun but Hank strongly avows him I mean the NFL if the NFL wants to suspend him, they should. Oh, so now you're standing behind what Roderick Hayes says.
No, that's what I'm saying. If he's on the field, I'm rooting for him.
Is there a Deshaun four like there was a Brady four? That would be a wild group. Danny Masterson? That would be a wild group.
Yeah. I think he's going to have a great year.
I think people know hating on him because he was suspended for a lot of the year last year came back was rusty but he's one of the best qbs in the league when he's good he's had a full off season to train full training camp i think it'd be funnier if he just was bad for the rest of his career but i do think he probably will i mean he can't be as bad as he was last year no but i mean taking like a year and a half off football you're not going to be the same when you just get tossed back in. Yeah.
So he's had an offseason to prepare. He probably should be better this year.
How good does he have to be, though? How good does Sean have to be to make the contract that he's getting worth it? I feel like he has to win two Super Bowls for that contract to be justified. Yeah, I think he has to be like a top four quarterback in the AFC, which is you'd be like, oh, that's really hard to do yeah when you list the names he has the best the best contract in the history of the nfl for a quarterback yeah so this game is gonna be great though i'm very very excited all right game number two on the television 49ers stealers 49ers stealers gonna be on the tv bosa's back bosa is I still, though, this is such a classic Steelers spot.
I think it's like 15-3 and 1 or something. Mike Tomlin as a home underdog.
And I know they look great in preseason. They're getting a little buzz.
But yeah, I just like Mike Tomlin knows how to get the guys going. Yeah.
The 49ers are legit, though. Yo, they're the most legit.
They're like the most most super bowl i have more confidence in picking the 49ers to make a championship game than i do of any other team in either conference the afc because they'll beat each other up the nfc you've got the eagles but i was seeing an interesting set the eagles and we are the the super bowl losers in weeks one and two of the following season they stink across the board they might get off to a slow start, but I feel like the 49ers, you can just pencil them in. I'm pumped for this game, too.
It's going to be great defensive football. Now, I would like to see the Steelers figure out something to do on offense besides hit Friar Muth in the flat, hit Najee in the flat.
They've done on Washington now. Yeah, throw one ball to Pickens each game.
That makes you be like, holy shit, this guy's an alien. Maybe have Deontay Johnson score a touchdown.
One touchdown. I would like to see something new out of the Steelers offense.
I just don't know if we're going to get it. I'm ready to say it.
I think this is a legacy year for Kyle Shanahan. Okay.
I think he has to win the Super Bowl. Or else.
Or else. The legacy.
Tarnished. His pristine championship pedigree has been tarnished? Yeah.
No, I do think, though, if he wins the Super Bowl, he will be the hottest. He'll be the number one coach in the NFL.
You know how quickly that happens? Sean McVay wins the Super Bowl, number one coach. He has his legacy.
This is a legacy-defining season for him. He needs a healthy QB, though.
He needs a healthy QB. You can't blame last year on Kyle Shanahan.
No, I don't. But, I mean, he is considered one of the best coaches.
I think he's a phenomenal coach. Everything is on this team.
They've paid everyone. Like, they can't pay everyone what they're paying them forever.
Everyone's gotten a new contract, hasn't they? Like, Debo Kittle, Bosa just got a contract about Warner is he getting paid yet I think he got a contract so like they they basically have to do it with Brock Purdy because they're paying everyone else which is a good strategy if Brock Purdy could be good if Purdy looks bad I'm gonna start the bring in Philip Rivers movement yeah what's what's changed in the last six months what did Philip Rivers have six months ago that he doesn't have now that you would consider bringing him in on this team? Another kid. Yeah, another child.
Yeah, Purdy struggles. And I am officially a believer in Purdy.
He convinced me after like three starts last year. He had that one throw across the middle.
I was like, okay, this guy can play. But if he's not healthy, I think Shanahan owes it to us as football fans to bring in Phillipilip rivers i also should say i'm officially a believer in purdy on the 49ers oh yeah yeah that's what i mean if you put purdy on the cardinals it'd be a disaster but yeah on the 49ers did you also see minka fitzpatrick tone setter he put uh ropes around the steelers locker room and in around the logo in the locker room don't touch it no no more stepping on it's the little things he said something as small as keeping our logo clean it's simple but it means a lot yeah don't touch it that's a hockey thing right yeah it is a hockey thing but I like it tone setter can I throw in one thing at the end of each game I have one nugget prepared for yeah go ahead yeah give us your nuggets so I have a new segment called nerd nuggets okay okay just reading it off on social media but I it on the show too.
If people, and if you guys don't like it, no offense. Like I won't be offended.
For this game. You'll be a little bit offended.
You're already apologizing for the Nerd Nuggets segment. Okay.
A weird scheduling quirk. The Steelers are opening the season at home for the first time since 2014.
Over the last eight years, Pittsburgh went 5-2-1 on the road in week one. Oh, that is weird.
So this is their home week one game in nine years? Yeah. That's a nerd nugget.
Is there a reason for that? I think it's just luck. I don't know.
I know that they like to have rib fest sometime in early September. Maybe it was like the Spurs go on the road every year for the rodeo trip.
Maybe it was like the rib trip. We couldn't have them in week one.
I don't know. But it's a rare match.
Steelers at home week one. Yeah.
Okay. Game number three on the TVs.
This is we have to do this by Commander's Cardinals. Yep.
Commander's Cardinals will be on the TV. Okay.
What, you're saying they won't? No. They have to be on there.
It's the start of an era. PFT, sell us on this game being on TV.
Okay. I've got a great nerd nugget of my own.
It's fucking half-price hot dog day in Routon, Maryland. It's a new era, new ownership.
Full-price ad. They took out a full-page ad in the Washington Post to announce that we're doing half-price hot dogs at the game.
Dan Snyder could never do that. He would charge double, and they'd be expired, and they'd probably already been stuck up his butt.
So it's a new system in D.C. across the board.
I'm excited to watch Sam Howell. The Washington Post also did a very interesting article about Sam Howell and how Mac Brown knew that he was going to be a guy in college because he never went on dates.
It was even on Valentine's Day. He would be like Mac would go up to him and say, hey, who's your date? Be like, my only date tonight is with Madden.
like my only date tonight is with madden wow he's learned the playbook so he's married to the game that wait to the game of football that also very much could be mac brown being so old and out of touch that he didn't realize that sam howell has like a hot sorority girlfriend named madden that's also true like that is a hot sorority girlfriend it is yeah like a bad girl yeah a bad bad maddie Yeah i i feel like um that would be so great if mac brown just didn't understand that situation whatsoever yeah uh but i i choose to believe that he some of us miss football he misses football because he's he's married to the game and i think that sam howell is giving us every reason to think that he could be a good quarterback this year now he might suck ass all ass, all right? And I've prepared myself for that mentally, but I don't think he's going to suck enough ass to not beat the Cardinals by seven points because I have zero confidence in the Arizona Cardinals. No, they're going to suck it.
I'm full-on clip every weird thing Jonathan Gannon does mode where I'm just going to be watching him like a hawk. You're going to drive? Who drove here? Who rode the bus? Well, you got a light.
You got a light of fire on yourself. You want.
I want killers. Come on, men.
We're going to kill. We're going to kill.
We're going to take a bus here. And I'm going to mix up his name with Steichen all the time.
Can you put that clip in? Because it is that confusing. Yeah.
It was almost verbatim what he did. I have no idea what he's trying to do there.
I don't know if he's been installed to tank. And in fact, we're so dumb and we've been so wrong about the NFL so frequently on the show that now I'm starting to double doubt myself and say, wait, we might be wrong about him.
He might be a good coach. Yeah, they might be putting this out.
This might be seven dimensional chess that they're playing. I feel pretty confident saying no.
I tend to agree with that. And he's not releasing who the starter is going to be because you have to prepare for both.
Competitive edge. Josh Dobbs and then somebody else.
Not Colt McCoy. You have to prepare for either Josh Dobbs or not Josh Dobbs if you're the commanders.
And if you're the Cardinals, you have to prepare for either Terry McLaurin or not Terry McLaurin. I think he's going to play.
And I think Chase Young's going to play too. So I love the commanders.
Josh Dobbs or not Josh Dobbs is actually like a straight up 50-50 split. I don't know which one I want.
I think I would rather prepare for Josh Dobbs. But not Josh Dobbs could literally be anyone.
If it's not Josh Dobbs, then you're probably not going to get seven interceptions. Well, what if it's Nathan Peterman? Then you could, yeah.
Yeah. But we don under not just josh josh dobs you either want josh dobs or there's infinity other people that it could be that aren't josh yes uh all right what's your nerd nugget the commanders have won eight straight at home against the cardinals dating back to 1999 it's washington's longest active home winning streak against any opponent all right wow there we go i'm sold all right so So it is, let's see, roster overview, Arizona Cardinals, Josh Dobbs, or wait, where is it?

Depth chart.

Do we know?

Do you know?

Does anyone know?

It's definitely not Colt.

They cut Colt, which to me tells me that they are tanking because if you want to win one

game, you have Colt McCoy on the roster.

Clayton Toon.

Oh, okay.

Who I actually liked in college a lot.

Clayton Toon played for our guy Dana at Houston. Not a bad.
I think I want Josh Dobbs now. As far as people who aren't Josh Dobbs goes, I think I would rather take Clayton Toon than 50% of people that aren't Josh Dobbs out there.
Yes. All right.
Next TV game, Bucs-Vikings. Ew.
Baker Mayfield. Yeah, after the first two, it gets a little.
Don't get me wrong. I wasn't ewling football.
I was just ewling the Bucs. Well, yeah.
The Bucs, we will have Stephen Che on the stream. But, yeah, the Bs Vikings.
We'll see what the Vikings new defense looks like. Baker just trying to make something happen.
Is Mike Evans hurt or just wants to be traded? I think Mike Evans, his career is hurt. Okay, because that's the craziest part is like Baker Mayfield probably has his best weapons ever.
Right? Yeah, pretty good. I mean, Mike Evans is a Hall of famer Chris Godwin he had Odell Beckham for a little bit but he didn't really want to play there yeah I guess he did have Jarvis Landry and Odell Beckham but Mike Evans I would Mike Evans is awesome he's very good I feel like he just wants to be traded though he's like hey I'm at this point in my career we're not going to be a contender this year.
Just please move me to a different team. Yes, yes.
Okay. I would say he's earned that right for Mike Evans.
Nugget. Vikings finished 11-0 one-score games last year, just 5-8 in 2021.
Yeah, it feels like regression of the mean. Also, they might not be a contender, but they're in the NFC South.
True. That's a good point.
That division, definitely you could win it with, eight or nine games. So the good news for Kirk Cousins is I don't think it's going to be a one-score game.
I feel like this is prime Kirk Cousins opening day against an inferior team. It's buried in the one o'clock, noon o'clock slate, so he's not going to be standing out.
This is a good Kirk Cousins game. Yeah.
All right. And then the last TV game, number five, I'll let you guys pick one or two.
Two. Okay.
Let's do one. I said two.
Which one would you like? Let's do two. Jake, break the tie.
Why don't we do one? One or two. Two, two.
Number two. You want two? All right.
You just got Ryan Tannehill versus Derek Carr, Titans Saints. The other one was Jags Colts.
Yeah. No.
It's kind of a toss-up. You think Jags Colts? Hank was right.
Hank was right. All right, so we'll go one.
Trevor Lawrence, Anthony Richardson. That's a QB matchup you want to watch.
Okay, so Jags Colts. And we have our winners, right? Did we announce our winners for the Colts tickets? Ty and Colin, congratulations.
Congratulations. Ty and Colin, the baby Ursae pictures were everything that we had hoped for and more.
So you will be going to the game this weekend. We'll have to figure out something different to do next week because I feel like baby Ursa is a one-time thing.
Yeah. We'll just keep doing babies.
Well, that gets a little creepy. They're not home again until week four, so we have some time.
You're just asking Indianapolis people to send us their children? Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, this game, Jags, Colts, I agree. Now, I'll say this right now.
Dennis Allen, who is an AWL, longtime listener, if you decide to start Jameis Winston, you will get on the TV. Absolutely.
That's a fact. Yeah, we'll smash the Jameis.
We'll break that glass in case of emergency. What's the stat in this one, Jake? Do you have the nerd nugget that says that the Colts haven't won in week one? In 2013, which I've been reminding you guys all summer, which you are ignoring, right? Well, you told us to ignore everything.
Well, you told me to. Yeah, but then you told it back to us.
Yeah. That and they're having a different week one starting quarterback for the eighth straight year, the Colts.
That's pretty impressive. Andrew Luck, Scott Tolzien, Andrew Luck again, Jacoby Brissett, Phillip Rivers, Carson Wentz, Matt Ryan, Anthony Richardson.
Wow. That's a very depressing list.
One 13 and one against the spread since 2008. Week ones.
Anthony Richardson, though. Anthony Richardson, your Heisman Trophy winner.
Good point, Hank. But counterpoint, Jaguars minimum 13 wins.
Disaster if they don't get there. Oh, man, if they don't win this one.
It's going to be tough to find your way to 13 wins if you lose week one to the Colts. Yeah, Trevor Lawrence is 4-14 straight up in 7-11 against the spread on the road.
Hmm. Hmm.
Okay, I know this sounds stupid about Trevor Lawrence, but I believe in these things. I think the demise of Dabo definitely affects Trevor Lawrence.
It's like college rankings, like your diploma goes down. If Dabo starts to go into the dumpster, Trevor Lawrence now, it's like, well, what did he ever do? But counterpoint, doesn't it make Trevor Lawrence look better? He overcame him? He was able to drag Dabo Swinney to a nanny.
I can be convinced that way, yeah. I can gonna play the results we'll have to wait yeah so post we're right we'll figure out which one of us was right because somebody on this show is well no we're both right because we're both believing in both at the same time and whenever the results come out we'll sign yeah it's called playing every side that way i always come out on the top yeah it's it it's predetermining storylines.
And then we fit in the pieces at the end. I keep expecting Trevor Lawrence to just wow me and come out week one with slightly shorter hair.
And then I could fully believe in him. Then I could be like, this dude can win a Super Bowl.
Yeah, but no, he won't. All right.
Other games, Panthers, Falcons. This game is going to probably stink, although I'm high on the Falcons.
We didn't even mention that Arthur Smith created the Joker position for Cordero Patterson. Yeah, that ruled.
Arthur Smith felt a little testy there at the press conference. I like that.
I want a little fire from him. Did you see what the new wrinkle that the Falcons are going to be unveiling in Mercedes-Benz Superdome is? No.
They've got a security guard, but it's a dog. It's a robotic security guard dog named Benzie.
Like the Boston Dynamics one? It's like the Boston Dynamics dog. It's going to be patrolling the sidelines.
I think they need to re-sign Michael Vick to take care of this thing because this thing is freaking me out. Nobody wants the weird robot security dogs.
Bezos and Boston Dynamics have been pushing those weird fucking dogs on us for years. Yes, we don't want it.
We don't want those dogs. No, thank you.
But anyways, that's my fun. That's my man.
My man meat as opposed to Jake's nerd nugget. Like, yeah, I think the Falcons are going to win this game.
Oh, I the last thing I had was, did you guys see? It was a very niche fantasy argument that just gave me a little chuckle. An athletic writer did a big breakdown of the Falcons roster, and he said that Kyle Pitts is going to be fourth in targets this year.
And everyone's like, what the fuck? Fourth? How are you fourth in targets? And then he was like, well, I meant targets plus carries, which is a completely different thing. So does he also include, like, I guess, Bijanon robinson yeah no he had tyler algier is like third and kyle pitts is fourth and everyone's like how the hell is this guy going to get more targets than kyle pitts he's like well i was talking about carries too he meant touches yes yes on the ball opportunities i'm i'm very interested to see what uh arthur smith does with bijon robinson if you get a new toy.
Yeah. You drafted him very high.
Are you just going to give him the ball 30 times in the first game? Why not? I would. Why not? Let's ride.
All right. Titans.
I do have a fun stat for this game. Yeah.
Number one overall quarterbacks and their debuts are 0, 13, and 1 straight up. 1 and 13 against the spread.

Now, don't look any further into that than thinking like,

okay, maybe the team that drafts in the first overall position

isn't very good.

This is a complete judgment on Bryce Young as an individual here.

So according to history, 0, 13, and 1 straight up.

Just keep that in mind.

That's tough.

That's tough.

All the Bryce's members out there.

I'm holding my Bryce's stock.

It's a long play.

You're going to see who comes out on top.

It's not going to be great this year.

I'll say that right now, but it's a long play.

Okay.

Frank Reich's tenure as Panthers head coach begins in a familiar place.

He started as the opening day quarterback in the Panthers inaugural season in 95 against the Falcons. Oh, wow.
Interesting. Okay.
That's very interesting. Yeah.
All right. Titan saints.
This is, this has the chances of being the most boring game with two teams that could go to the playoffs. Cause I feel like this is going to be defense new, you know, Derek car, new offense, maybe slow start.
And I feel like the Titans are going to win like 20 to 17. I'm kind of believing in the Saints.
I'm kind of believing in the Titans. Because here's the thing.
Derek Carr, not a bad quarterback. Jameis is better.
Not a great quarterback. Jameis is definitely better.
But Derek Carr, not a bad quarterback. Their defense was really good last year.
I guess I should say that if Derek Carr beat out Jameis in the depth chart, then Derek Carr is a Hall of Famer. Yeah, he should be.
First ballot. Because Jameis is a Hall of Famer.
They are going to be missing Alvin Kamara, who is suspended for, what, three weeks, four weeks? Is that the punching incident? That was the punching incident from like five years ago where he beat up a guy in Las Vegas, which you should be allowed to do. There's no rules in Las Vegas.
So he's out. So I don't know how the running game is going to look, but I still feel like Derek Carr, probably an upgrade at the quarterback position.
Yeah. Yeah.
Who is it last year? Andy Dalton. Andy Dalton.
Yeah. Andrew Dalton.
Yes. And Ian Book in that one game.
That was the worst game ever played. And Blake Bortles was on the roster.
Blake Bortles was on the roster. Okay.
And then last game in the noon slate, Texas Texans Ravens. So Ravens are going to demolish the Texas.
I probably agree with that. And I am a Stroud boy.
Oh, is it going to be in the home? No, they're not. They're not.
They're not. But this is the this is probably the biggest survivor pick that if they lose, it'll it'll be the classic.
Like, yeah, 90% of people's survivor pools are busted. Agreed.
Agreed. And that always happens.
Last I checked, it was 30% of America is taking the Ravens and survivor pools. 20% is taking the commanders, which is wild to think.
Yeah. But what was that noise? That might be it then.
That might be it then. What, you piece of shit? One of those two is winning.
You're going to take the Cardinals. The Cardinals or the Texans will win.
I know it. I just know you are.
Yeah, probably will. Yeah, just do it.
But this is a new look Ravens. They got wide receivers for the first time.
That's going to look very unusual to see the Ravens throwing the ball downfield. Yes.
Yes. I think Lamar's going to have an awesome year.
Yeah. Hi, I'm Lamar this year.
All right. Afternoon games.
Packers, Bears. I've said this on many platforms, but I do.
It's a slightly hyperbolic, but I do think that this might be the biggest game in Bears franchise history. And I know it's good you didn't set yourself up then.
Yeah, right. It's good that I'm not putting too much weight into this game.
But yeah, it feels so significant because it is the Packers, because it's Jordan Love's first, you know, real season. Justin Fields, big season, hopefully coming up.
It just, there's been a lot of shit talk. A lot of people talking about Justin Fields sucking.
I'm so excited to see this Bears offense. Who are these people that thinks that Justin Fields sucks? A lot of people do.
I mean, a lot of people do. He's very good.
I know, but a lot of people think he sucks. He's very good.
There's a lot of people who think he's trash. Well, I would disagree with that.
I would disagree a lot. I think the Bears are going to win this game, Big Cat.
But I did go back and I watched some of the All-22 on Jordan Love.

And I saw that one pass that he threw that went like 70 yards.

Yeah.

And he was rolling out to his left.

There was one pass in the preseason that made me nervous.

It was a really good pass.

It's just going to be a really sad day.

But you know what?

This is why the A-W-Ls are A-W-Ls.

I know what they're rooting for.

They're rooting for, like, I will be as sad as sad could be for a week one loss. Because, like, week one, you shouldn't get that down.
I will be as down as I could be. Is Christian Wood playing? I don't know.
He's got a hammy. But I think he was just limited in practice.
Either way, the Bears are ready to go. Christian Watson.
You're not going to like this one. Go ahead, James.
Oh, God. Christian Watson did not practice again today.
Okay, good. He's a problem.
So Jordan Love, obviously the only third quarterback to start a season opener for Green Bay since 93. You're going to have to clean this up, Jake.
Jordan Love will become only the third quarterback to start a season opener for Green Bay since 1993. Both Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre were winners in their first week one starts.
Wow. You know what? Fuck teams like the Patriots, no disrespect Hank, and the Packers.
Yes. That have gotten to enjoy, and for a while the Colts, who get to enjoy just decades of consistency at quarterback.
This has been my argument about anyone out there who, a Bears fan who's wavering it all on Justin Fields, Jordan Love, this whole dynamic. Just go all in.
Blind faith. Go all in with Justin Fields and go all in saying that Jordan Love's going to suck.
What's the worst thing that could happen? You could be wrong. We just go right back to where we've been for the last 25 years.
Yeah. Where the Packers have a Hall of Fame quarterback and the Bears are searching for them.
If it's not as catastrophic of a situation if you've lived through it. Like, I know where, like, if I have to go back to this place, it'll be like going back to an old apartment being like, oh yeah, I know where the, you know, like, I know that this floorboard's a little weird.
I know, like, you know, the toilet is a little, you gotta hit it twice. Like, I know the place that I could end up in.
So why not just believe that it's going to be different this time? Yeah, you should. Right.
Blind faith. You absolutely should.
It's okay to love. Okay.
It's okay to go. Well, no.
Oh, yeah. It's okay to field.
It's okay to field. It's okay to field emotions.
Field your field. Yes.
Your fieldings. Yes.
And just lean into it. This is a rare chance that you have for your Bears fan.
There's no chance that he sucks. He's not a sucky quarterback.
Jordan Love? No, no. Fields.
Oh, okay, all right. He's not bad.
He's really good. He did things that I've never seen a quarterback do last year.
I think he's going to be better. He's going to have a better career than Trevor Lawrence.
I'm going to stand by that commitment. Let's go.
I said it for my balls one time last year, not for my brain. Feel it.
But sometimes I'm fielding my fieldings right now, and it's coming for my balls. So someone said, by the end of the season, Justin Fields would be the second best quarterback at the NFC.
That's a good take to have because there's not a ton of quarterbacks at the NFC, but it feels good to say. Yeah.
Okay, Raiders-Broncos. I actually think the Broncos, here's my theory.
I don't think the Broncos would be very good overall. I think this game they're going to be very good because Sean Payton is going to call the best game of his life.
And then when Russell Wilson eventually regresses, he can be like, look, you saw what I was able to do for a couple of weeks here. So it's not my fault.
I actually think that the Raiders are going to be a historically historically bad team yeah here i think every all the signs are pointing to the raiders just completely imploding on themselves and i'm uh i'm gonna really enjoy watching that the curse of cutting will compton that's what i say yeah i like that i like that a lot uh max crosby is a broncos killer 11 and a half sacks over his last seven games against Denver. Wow.
Jake, you know who else was a Broncos killer? OJ. I think the weather's going to be in like the mid 80s, which doesn't really meet my usual formula, but it's like statistically a very profitable thing to back the Broncos in September at home.
Yeah. Because

it's hot and the altitude,

it's very hard for teams to adjust to that.

So just throw that out

there. Yep.
I also

like interdivisional

matchups in week one. Oh, I love it.
I really love it.

You get off to a hot start. I love it.

Also, we should mention Carl Nassib retired.

Yes. Shout out.
Thanks

for coming out, Carl Nassib. Yes.
Thank you. I have a fun fact about Carl Nassib.
Yeah, give it to us. Penn State.
Penn State. Also, we should mention Carl Nassib retired.
Yes. Shout out.
Thanks for coming out, Carl Nassib. Yes.
I have a fun fact about Carl Nassib. Yeah.
Give it to us. Penn State.
Penn State. Also, his dad was my dad's roommate in college.
Wow. Whoa.
Yeah. I knew.
And his brother, Ryan Nassib, his brother, played with my brother. In Syracuse.
Does the sneaking out in the middle of the night and waking up in your roommate's bed thing. Does that run the family?

I don't know how that relates.

Does Carl Nassib being gay run in the family?

In his family?

Yeah.

I don't think so.

Okay.

It's fine if it does.

Yeah.

We're a sex positive podcast.

We always have been.

Love is love. We have a presentation coming later.

Fields is fields.

Yeah.

Fields is fields.

Yeah. All right.
Dolphins Chargers. Fun matchup.
Yeah, very fun. Fun uniform matchup.
This matchup to me screams points. It's points, and it's also, if you remember last year, the moment that the Dolphins season started to really crater was that Dolphins Chargers game when it felt like the Chargers had figured out how to stop Mike McDaniel's offense.
And they like, you know, we're jamming with the line and not letting them have explosive plays. It also had member.
Was that the game that Tyreek Hill picked up the ball and ran for a touchdown? That was awesome. Yeah, because I think I had the over in that game and I was like, oh, we're back.
And it ended like 1710. Tyreek is going to look so fast against the C-Words.
The C-Words are actually healthy right now, as we say every year in week one. They're finally healthy.
They're a healthy team. I don't want to curse them.
But I kind of believe in them in the first four games of the season. Because that's usually you can set your watch to it.
That's when they usually have their first debilitating injury of the year to an impact player. They're healthy right now.

I think I'm going to...

I lasted exactly zero games of the C-words and not betting on them.

I'm going to bet on the C-words this week.

I think this is a...

Do you have any pride game for Mike McDaniel?

What's that?

That's Siri.

She's an eavesdropping bitch.

He's got eight months to figure out this Chargers defense

that kind of put him in a body bag last year. Yeah.
So I think the Dolphins are going to come out explosives. Pew, pew, pew, pew.
Shots. Hot seat, Brandon Staley.
Yeah. Officially on the hot seat before the season even starts.
Because he's doing those weird yoga things. Yeah.
Nice guy. We really actually enjoyed Brandon Staley on the show.
We should have him back on. Actually, we should have him back on.
He should come back on so that if the hot seat gets hot,

you know that we'll be too big of pussies

to actually put him on the hot seat.

Correct.

So do the right move, Brandon Staley.

Come back on the show.

That just goes for any coach.

If you think you're about to lose your job,

just come on the show

and we will be cowards about it

for at least a month.

Like, Nathaniel Hackett got way too much.

We were too nice. I mean, who's the one coach that we put on the hot seat more than any other coach in the nfl right now on this show we bill belichick oh talk about belichick calipari calipari yeah but also bill belichick yeah and he's never been on the show yeah so you gotta come on the show uh ram seahawks i actually think the rams are going to be really really bad okay yeah Okay.
Yeah. I think they're in like a weird, almost tanking, but not tanking situation.
Cooper cup, obviously out. Matthew Stafford.
I feel like, I don't know. I don't know what to expect.
We don't know what we're going to get. It's been weird.
Stetson Bennett time. Maybe.
Yeah. They're resetting the whole deck.
Like the salary cap. They didn't go out and make like the crazy.
I actually think, and quote me if I'm wrong, I believe that next year, come late April, the Los Angeles Rams will be selecting in the first round. That's incredible.
Insane. Fuck them picks.
Insane. So the first time they've had a first round pick, maybe a little, you know, tankaroo, top five pick.
So if they're trying to take quarterback, I would imagine that they would not have Matt Stafford play this season. Yeah.
Well, he's going to start. He's going to start.
But who knows? Will he finish? If things look bad, they might take him out. Also, do you know that guy Dove Kleinman? Yeah, the robot? The robot.
Did you know that he reported inaccurately that that Kelly Stafford's wife had cancer again? That's pretty fucked up. And then he deleted it and acted like it didn't happen.
That's really fucked up. Yeah.
Mike Fleur, you're off the hook for killing Terry Bradshaw. I completely forgot about that.
Yikes. You can't delete that.
You have to edit that. Yes.
You can't just be like, whoops. Yeah.
Nothing to see here. You just edit it.
dot dot dot JK. But it does not.
Psych. You just replied to your tweet with psych.
All right. Last afternoon game.
It's a big one. Eagles Patriots.
I can't believe we get Max versus Hank week one. What a treat.
Popcorn. Kettle corn.
Get your kettle corn ready, as everyone says. First, let's address the Bill Belichick rumors.
Rumors. Would you like to? So the Daily Mail reported that Bill Belichick and his longtime girlfriend have broken up.
I don't even use his mail. Obama does.
It has. Pat's executives are on edge.
The report says there's a concern about what Linda might post about online after the breakup. The report also says it's been a drawn out back and forth breakup.
Kind of feels dirty to be doing this reporting. Here's a question.
Who's ever been in a breakup and hasn't been a little worried about what gets posted? That's true. Good point.
Good point, Hank. I probably a lot of people and Bill Belichick doesn't use social media, so he can't fire back.
And he's about to start the season. So she's probably mad.
She's probably a Jets operative. Yeah.
She's got all the ammo because she's the one that's on social media. She's got a good following.
And he's just focused on the season. What would be the funniest? That's what their concern is.
Okay. What would be the funniest thing to come out of her posting a screenshot or some sort of fetish that Bill Belichick has?

Like Bill Belichick and Gronk.

I guess he's got a girlfriend, too.

Some type of boys trip Bill Belichick went on.

Yeah?

And did what?

And did what?

Partied.

I think a foot fetish would be very funny.

If you had to think of feet.

Foot fetish?

If you love feet. Like Micah Parsons.
Yeah, that's why he loves Doug Flutie dropkick. Yeah.
Yeah, piss situation. Oh, yeah.
Why are we just not understanding the obvious here? What if she just knows the playbook? Yeah. We're thinking about breakup stuff.
What if she just knows, like, Bill Belichick. What do you think Bill Belichick and his girlfriend talk about at dinner? Football.
And the dog knows everything that Bill Belichick knows about football. The dog that Bill Belichick had drafting for the team that COVID year is her dog.
Yeah. So it could be just.
So the Patriots might lose their GM. Yeah.
Fuck. That's tough.
It would actually, it would make a lot of sense if her and Tom Brady had a thing. Tom moves out of town, goes down to Florida.

It was a lot easier for him to be with her when he was up in New England,

just stay late at the facility.

Now he's hopping on planes, taking secret plane rides to go visit Linda.

He gets caught.

Giselle breaks up with him.

Maybe that's what was going on.

You should send this to Florida.

I will.

The good news is that Tom Brady will be in the building, and they can probably talk about how to deal with a public breakup. They're honoring him.
Oh, they're honoring him. Yeah.
They're going to come out in a special formation like Harbaugh. That'd be great.
Also, Hank, my antenna went up yesterday because Belichick gave one of his patented 10-minute long answers. That was amazing.
So great. It was amazing.
This is why I want him on the show so bad. He does it like once a season and they asked him about long snappers.
Do you really need a long snapper on the roster? Can't you just train somebody else that's an impact player to long snap and save that roster spot? Well, he goes on a 10 minute explanation about the history of special teams, punt block formation, and then how punters have now become holders. And it just goes into all these crazy football tangents.
It gives a little smile at the end of special teams punt block formation and then how punters have now become holders and it just goes into all these crazy football tangents it gives a little smile at the end of it like that's your one answer that you get per year I was happy to give it I was thinking myself maybe it sounds like he's buttering up the media a little bit to get them on his side being friendly with them knowing that a bombshell is about to drop I don't think there's a bombshell about to drop and you said it it once a year. And it's always a question.
That's a random question, usually about special teams or something like that, that he just he loves to go in depth on show his knowledge. Okay.
Okay. So, Max, this is a big game for you.
Why? Because let's be honest. The Eagles have Super Bowl aspirations.
The Patriots also not a lot of people are pitching them to go to the Super Bowl. What would be one thing that would bother you for the whole year is Hank having a trump card where he can just lay it on the table and be like, are the Eagles that good? The Patriots beat him.
Yeah, that would really suck, but it comes down to this. Okay, hold on.
Hold on. Let me stand up and sit down for this.
Okay. All right.
It comes down to this. Eagles are good.
Patriots bad. Eagles D-line.
Best pass rush in the league. Except in the Super Bowl.
Pat's O-line. Turf.
Bad. According to Pete Prisco.
According to Pete Prisco, Pat's O-line, very bad. I don't know how they're stopping the eagles d-line and it's not like mac jones is going to be evading a lot of pressure back there that's really the only thing like i i don't see a scenario where the eagles d line doesn't sack mac jones six times did you hear the part uh about brady being in the building So don't care Like Like, really, really, really don't care.
Max, it's not like you've ever. Both teams are only one of their last one.
It's not like you've never beaten Tom Brady in a game. He doesn't even like him anymore.
Also, luckily for Max, the Eagles have the most week one victories since 2011 in the league. They've won 10 of their last 12 weekend games.
They're hot.

Are you nervous, Hank? I'm excited.

It is a... There's more

involved here. The whole week afterwards,

one of you is going to get to shit talk

the other. No, no.
This is a win-win

for Hank. Why?

I mean, if they lose, he doesn't give a shit.

I do give a shit. What do you mean? The Pats don't suck.

Like, he did this last year. When the Pats started to suck, he just didn't care.
He became a Cowboys fan. That was gambling-related, which has gotten twisted in an unbelievable way.
I am more excited for this season than I have been in a while. Obviously, there's so many years where it's like, we're going to...
You had Tom Brady. He told me the story on the golf course.
What about all the seasons you won Super Bowls? The regular season, it was nerve-wracking and it was literally just basically the preseason for the playoffs. It didn't matter what happened in the regular season.
You knew you were going to the playoffs and you knew you had to go at least to the AFC Championship if the season was a disappointment. Even if they would win games, if they didn't win in a blowout, people would still be shit-talking.
Then we spent so much time on the show where the Patriots would squeak out a win. You guys would be like, well, they're not that good.
They barely won this year. No expectations.
Everyone thinks they're going to suck. Everyone thinks the fucking Jets and the Dolphins are like two of the greatest NFL franchises of all time.
And the Patriots get to play spoiler all year long. It's exciting.
Spoiler means you're bad. We get to play spoiler.
That means you're bad. But they're going to play spoiler all season.
Playing spoiler week one is bad. He's saying that they're going to spoil themselves into the playoffs.
Exactly. I think in the national media, I have high expectations for this team.
But the national media, like jabronis like yourself, think they have no shot. You're on the exact same podcast we're on.
The Jets and Dolph think the patriots aren't gonna be bad i just think their division is so fucking stacked that there's very margin there's very thin margin for error for any team in the afc but the patriots operate as a team that's much better with less margin for error the jets and the dolphins are just notoriously joke franchises people are expecting them to like overcome all this stuff and ride into the play. You really are a Cowboys fan.
We're America's team. This is what a Notre Dame Cowboys fan would say.
And Duke. He said, we're America's team.
Our franchise is a real franchise. The other franchises are jokes.
Hank is looking at the colors. You're looking at the colors and saying, could you ever see a franchise like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers winning a Super Bowl? No.
They had Tom Brady. That's basically the only reason they won.
Fact or fiction. They had to become the Patriots to win.
Yes. Tom Brady and Gronk.
Yeah. Yeah.
True. True.
All right. So Hank, give me your official Patriots record prediction this year.
How many wins are you going to spoil? 11. 11.
So how many losses? Seven. Okay.
18 games. Good math, Hank.
Six. I thought they switched to 18.
18 weeks. 18 weeks.
Yeah. One by.
Yeah. Okay.
Got it. All right.
We're excited for this game. We'll be streaming this game.
This will be going on during Bears Packers. So PFT will be sitting nice.
Want to know at this time? Yep. I'm jealous of you.
Number one in the NFC East. Yeah.
Brady Jersey nuclear missile on the Pats. Oh, new football guy shirt.
Nice. We support the team.
Okay. Cowboys Giants last, Sunday.
I don't know. I just don't.
I know that everyone's like, the Cowboys are so good. I know we talked about this Pete Prisco, but Mike McCarthy's fat.
Prescott throws interceptions. You clearly didn't read the news this morning, Big Cat.
Oh, no. Because the Dallas Cowboys have been training with Navy SEALs.
Oh, shit. This offseason.
But not Mike McCarthy. Not Mike McCarthy.
No. So the Cowboys were training with Seals.
They had them lead like an off-site group meeting together. This is how Tiger Woods got hurt.
It's a Tiger Woods example. Yeah.
100%. So they just wrote down on a big whiteboard, February 11th, 2024.
Whoa. That's the day of the Super Bowl.
Oh. Yeah.
Probably couldn't figure that one out. Okay.
But that's what they're thinking. Soupy.
Soupy. I'm excited to see what Dable does in the second year.
I think he was the best coach in the NFL last year. The one thing I have to be fair, if we're going to say that the Vikings could potentially regress the mean on their one score wins, the Giants also did have a lot of those wins.
They had a lot of weird wins where things kind of like the ball bounced their way in the fourth quarter so sustainability i don't know i i do think both teams are gonna be very good though i think i think giants giants yeah i think the wheels are coming off the cowboys dak prescott has dominated the giants he's won 10 in a row his last loss against that came in 2016 to put that in perspective daniel jones was a freshman at Duke. Okay.
lost whoa that's wild no I know the Cowboys killed the Giants I think it's like 16 and one or something ridiculous in the last like 10 years or whatever however many years that is um okay we'll do Bill's Jets on Sunday we'll we'll preview it when we when we recap all the games okay that is the full slate let's do our picks how are we starting who starts random what you do last random number generator yeah so who's picking who are we keeping track of right now you big cop Hank Jake Max memes it's the six of us and reminder it's it's two picks a week, no overlapping picks, and the loser has to do a one-hour live show in Las Vegas where they can only play one song on the guitar if they know it. It has to be like three or four minutes.
Can't do like a... Freebird.
Yeah. I get to do Freebird.
And they can't do like questions from the crowd. It has to be your talent on display.
And we will put it on video. We'll do a pay-per-view.
We'll also second place is opening act for 15 minutes. Yep.
Okay. So let's see.
Who wants to be number one? Me. Okay.
So Hank, you're number one, two, three, four, five. I'm number six.
I'm doing the random number generator. generate one let's go damn it so hank goes first yeah you go second pft or i go we go clockwise but you get a snake a snake so you get two picks in a row whatever you get two picks in a row whatever all right hank your best bet oh is he gonna do it is he gonna do it do it do it do it do do it? Do it, bitch.
Do it. Do it to my face.
Do it to my face. Do it, bitch.
I want you to look me in the eye while you do it. Do it, you fucking bitch.
I would, but it's a terrible pick, so I'm going to take the Patriots plus four. Okay, good pick.
Okay, Patriots plus four is your pick. Against the Eagles.
Against the Eagles. Okay, I am going to...
I have a problem this week. And my problem is I love every single underdog.
Literally every single underdog. Story of my life.
It is a problem. And I know that that's a problem.
I will go, though, with. I'll go with the Browns plus two and a half.
Browns plus two and a half. That will That'll be my pick memes.
They're gonna be so drunk in Cleveland. It's gonna be awesome.
Going with the Seahawks minus four and a half. Okay.
Okay. I see five and a half.
I see four and a half. I was going to go.
That was going to be my pick. Big cat.
I told memes that ahead of time. Browns.
Yeah. I stole your pick.
Yeah. That was going to be my pay.
Hell yes. But now I'm going to tell me it was your pick ahead of time.
Browns? Yep. I stole your pick? Yep, that was going to be my pick.
Hell yes. Why did you tell memes your pick ahead of time? They tell each other everything.
There are no secrets between these two girls. I am going to go Steelers plus two.
Oh, okay. That was my secondary pick, Max.
I actually need two and a half for that. I don't know if these are moving quickly.
I get two and a half, too.. Give me the half.
Give him the half. I keep everyone honest.
You weren't doing a good job when you said five and a half. Yeah.
And then I refresh. Yeah.
Okay. I'm going to go with Sean Payton calling the game of his life.
Game of a lifetime. Minus three and a half Broncos against the Raiders.
Okay. I like that too.
Okay. PFT, you got two picks.
All right. I'm taking commies.
Let's go. Commanders minus seven.
Fired a missile out of two weeks ago. I feel more confident today.
They're going to win by 14. Okay.
We're going to win the Super Bowl this year. It's going to be awesome.
And then I'm going to go with for my other one. Totals.
Yep. Which you can pick in the front.
Like we all ended up picking spread, but you can, if you like it total the most, you can pick are my two favorite picks so i'm happy i'm happy with where i'm at right now packers bears over 42 like 41 and a half 41 and a half let's go okay dropped in the last like hour better i love that the bears they felt like they were over machines last year yep and i feel like they'll be over machines again yep right. I'm going with a non-TV game under.

Panthers-Falcons under 39 and a half.

Oh, that's smart.

Non-TV game.

Let's see.

That's like a movie strategy, right?

Yeah.

Max.

I'm going with the one I hate the most,

and that is Commies Cardinals over 38, I think it is.

38 and a half.

We'll have that by halftime.

38 and a half.

We're going to drop 40 on them by the second quarter.

Memes.

Memes-y.

Memes-y boy.

I'm going to go with the 49ers-Steelers over.

41 and a half.

Okay.

Okay.

I am going to go with a non-TV game as well.

Falcons-Panthers under 39 and a half.

I feel like both teams are going to run.

Oh, you took that?

Fuck.

I thought you took the shit.

My bad.

I like that pick a lot.

I thought you took the Texas Ravens.

My bad.

It's okay.

Okay, I'm going to go it over.

Fuck that.

I'm going to go Dolphins-Chargers. That's a fun over.
That's the fover. Yeah.
51 and a half. Fine.
I bet it 50 and a half, but fine. Because we did advisors yesterday, but that's fine.
I'll take that extra one. It's definitely going to land on 51 now.
100%. I'm going to go with a shootout game.
A couple of juggernaut QBs over Packers, Bears. 41.5.
B.A.T. took that.
We're bad at listening. Okay.
I can't accuse you of being bad at listening without accusing myself. I can.
Bad listener, Hank. I'm also a bad listener.
It's the same group. I'll rebump it with you guys, but it's a shareable doc that I'm writing on.
I will never open that. I know you won't, but just transparent.
Over Jags, Colts, 46.5. Oh, memes took that.
took that bad listener did memes I'm just kidding we could have I wish we had kept on going because we could have done that with every he wasn't listening to any of the picks who's in the hungry dog yeah Patriots do it Cardinals you piece of shit Browns okay well I have I have a can't lose parlay that's going to have the commanders and the Ravens and I haven't Do it. Cardinals.
You piece of shit. Browns.
Okay, well, I have a can't-lose parlay that's going to have the commanders and the Ravens, and I haven't decided who the third team is going to be. I love that.
It doesn't matter. But it's going to be great.
I've got a PFTs. We're teasing.
We're teasing the Vikings down to minus one against the Bucs, and the Packers Bears over 36.5. It's plus 100.
So even money. I like that.
Okay. Let's get to Fantasy Fuck Boys.
You ready? Hit the music. Let's go.
My stardom. Oh, my bad.
Yeah. My name is Mikey Rigatoni.
Mikey Rigatoni. Mikey Rigatoni.
Riva, Riva, Riva, Riva, Rivaiva Riga Tony. My stardom is diarrhea.
Yeah. A lot of talk about diarrhea, but on the front lines, there's rumors it was a woman.
After all that, I had diarrhea myself last night. Got like three hours of sleep because I kept waking up and pooping.
That's fucking weird. I had diarrhea last night, too.
Let's go. Let's go.
Your cycle's linked up. Diarrhea, bro.
It's like yawning. You talk about yawning, and then you're yawning.
You talk about diarrhea, then you're shitting your pants. My blood hole sounds like this.
Oh, my bad. That's Hank's yawn.
ABP, always be pooping. My sit-um is Timothy Chamolay.
Chamolay, you fucking weirdo. He's dating Kylie Jenner, and his super fans are angry about it Oh, Shyamalan that pipe And my sleeper Is Bill Belichick's hammer I think it's gonna be getting a lot of use These next couple weeks now that he's a single man Yeah, maybe Bobby Kraft Can take him down to Jupiter, Florida You know what I'm saying? Boy's trip Let's go Hey, what's up, you dickheads? This is Silvio Berlusconi.
Oh, RIP. RIP.
We're talking about Obama being gay. Everyone's gay.
I'm gay. Just my gay side is a lesbian.
Yeah. Love it that much.
I'm starting Nick Bosa. Nicky Bosa started.
He's got all the squirrel. He missed work for four weeks.
Didn't show up at all. That's how we built the Esplanade.
He's a stand-up guy. That's how we did our business in Newark.
He's connected. He's connected.
A no-show job. I'm sitting LeBron James.
Sitting LeBron James. He took a little business trip to Saudi Arabia.
Don't know if you guys saw that. He met with Abdulaziz Bin Saud Al Saud.
And his friends with Rico. A massive sport.
He's the interior decorator for Saudi Arabia, but his place looked like shit, you know? My sleeper, I'm not sleeping anymore because it's football season. Yeah.
No sleep, no sleep. No sleep.
No sleep till Brooklyn. All right, what's up, you fuckers? It's Bernino Tostino.
What's BT yeah BT in the house my stardom

I actually confused the Bosa brothers

so I wrote down Joey Bosa

but he's not the one that got paid

Nicky, Joey, Johnny

we went to peak

Nicky went to peak for Joey

so I fucked that up

but it's still preseason for me

my sit-em

love doesn't always win

we were talking about Jordan Love

he's not a winner

and how about Sophie Turner

and Joe Jonas

how about them

I'll never believe in love again

I know exactly what happened

in that story

It was... about Jordan Love, he's not a winner.
And how about Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas? How about them? I'll never believe in love again. I know exactly what happened in that story.
Little finger. I'm going to add a comment to that because I know exactly what you're talking about.
Yeah, they broke up. Ring camera got her.
She's broke. No ring camera got her.
You always got to be worried about who's wiretapping who. That's unbelievable.
There's a bug in here. His gumar came over.
No, her gumar. Her gumar.
Her ring camera. Her gumar.
Her ring camera. In his house.
Yeah, she was getting wined and dived in 69 while he was taking care of the kids back home. Oof.
She's broke his arm. Marone.
My sleeper is no sleep just like PFT, but you do it with Stella Blue Coffee. New flavors.

Pumpkin spice.

Apple crisp.

Apple crisp got PFT and Leroy on it as well.

Go buy it right now.

We got new flavors.

Two phones.

One for the bitches and one for the blow.

Make a little cappuccino.

Do go buy Stella Blue Coffee.

StellaBlueCoffee.com.

We got two new flavors. They're delicious.
The apple crisp is awesome. I have this morning.
Big cat special. Very good.
Big cat special. Two new flavors.
Yeah. The big cat combo.
It's coffee with a little bit of cream. Yeah, baby.
All right. Let's get to our interview.
We have an awesome, awesome interview with Dan Patrick. Really, really good time catching up with him and his new book out.
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And now, here's Dan Patrick. Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest, one of our favorite guests.
It's been a while, but it is Dan Patrick, and he has a new book out now. You can go buy it right now.
It's called The Occasionally Accurate Anals of Football. Now, let's start with that.
When you talked to Penguin about this book, did they say, hey, let's not put the word anals in the book title because it might not sell as well.

Well, it could be marketed to a different audience, but I thought that maybe anals was a little tricky there, including for myself. But they went with it.

I was overridden on this.

Yeah.

You have to take into account the kind of idiots that are going to be interviewing you about this book.

And we might not be the best at pronouncing words. Yes.
I saw it and I was like, anals. Wow.
This is crazy. All right.
So we got a digital copy of the book. So we feel special because we saw it before everyone else got to read it.
I'm going to say right off the bat, great job writing the book because there's pictures and there's pages that have a paragraph. And I love books that you can just rip through pages.
You're like, I'm really crushing this book right now. There's a picture.
There's a picture. So great job with that.
It's basically not a children's book, but it's for dumb idiots like us who don't really read that often. Well, sometimes we don't get credit for reading books, and this helps you get credit that you've read a book.
Right. It's not that difficult, challenging to read this book.
Pictures and sometimes some big words, some big lettering. Yeah.
So what made you want to do this book? Because it is football. It's a love story to football.
I mean, that right there is a seller. Like, I'm going to buy the book, even though I have the digital copy, because I love you so much.
But what made you, what were you like, hey, let's do this book? It was during the pandemic, and I was talking to Joel Cohen, who writes for The Simpsons. And he was talking about writing an episode and including me in The Simpsons.
And then we just started talking when we were done. And then he started throwing out these topics.
And he goes, what do you think? Does this bother you? And then I revisited that with him. And I said, what do you think about just putting all this stuff down on paper and see if there's something there? Because we have all this free time.
And then he went back. I went back.
We just threw some things together. And he said, you know, I reached out to a couple other people that I work with.
Andy Richter, who worked with Conan. He just had a bunch of people.
He said, you know, how about we just collaborate with a bunch of these topics and make it seem like this is the the true hit? Like, you know, who wrote the Bill Simmons wrote the history of the NBA. I mean, this is nothing like that, but we can present it like we're giving you the history of the NFL.
All these topics and just have wild takes on them, have fun with them, and hopefully we don't get sued. I said, okay, I'm in.
I read the blurbs page on it, and I'm a little bit offended he asked florio to give you a blurb he blurbed he blurbed the shit out of you too but it is a half fiction book so he's good at that yeah he does love that um why why did we not get the invite to blurb you well i was worried about you that's fair yeah i mean i was yeah big cat big cat not worried okay yeah i go off the rails and and and if i'm asking you to then i can't edit what you give me and then i was worried about your collaboration to be honest that was it because you know we had problems with the whole van show yeah remember yeah we tried to death we try to light you on fire yes exactly and i thought you know what time has? Time has passed, but let's not chance it right now. Yeah, that's honestly a fair answer.
When we write the occasionally accurate anals of Barstool Van Talk, we won't ask you to write anything. So a little tit for tat.
No, he can if he wants to, because if you're writing the history of that, you're going to need my story and you're going to you're going to need my help on that it's a 10 page book it actually will be the anals and you're only allowed you're only allowed to talk about people's butts in it what was the impression you had of our bungholes on the van uh i'm looking at the cover of your book right now and it's a it's a pig skin it's a football that's sliced into different parts almost like a like a pig at a butcher shop and um the top the top middle says tom brady worst of all time what does that mean that sounds spicy that's gonna sell some books well it's in the book i mean you gotta you can't just read the blurbs you gotta you gotta you gotta read the book yeah it gets a tease like and you don't go gosh, I watched the trailer of the movie. Tell me how it ends.

Okay. So do you think

that Tom Brady, I'll put it to you this way. Do you think

Tom Brady is the best quarterback to ever

play football?

Oh, good question. He's the most

decorated. I said best.

Best. Who's the best quarterback? Well, what is

best? I think winning

Super Bowl rings. Good point.

Well, the best actor doesn't always win the most academy awards but who has the most academy awards uh look that i'm gonna look it up right now yeah we've gotten ourselves in a hole here okay so if you're saying i understand what you're saying you're saying tom brady by his uh if look at the tangibles, arm strength, speed, elusiveness, accuracy might not be the best quarterback of all time. In fact, you could probably make the argument Patrick Mahomes might be the best quarterback of all time.
If I'm looking at talent, it feels like Aaron Rodgers is always credited with being the most talented person to play the position. Does that make him the best? Or is it Brady because he won the most Super Bowls? I still look at John Elway as that first quarterback who could beat you with his legs and his arm, single-handedly dragging that offense to Super Bowls that they never should have gone to.
And then he got the blame for that. Then they win two, and then he doesn't get credit for it.
It's Terrell Davis in the offensive line. But Elway, to me, when you combine arm size, athleticism, he was the first guy that I looked at modern era.
And I went that that guy changed football. But I have no problem with people saying Brady's greatest quarterback.
I think it gets tricky sometimes with that. You know, is Montana not, or he won four, didn't lose any Super Bowls.
Well, according to NBC during the broadcast that you were on in Notre Dame, he won five Super Bowls, so that's pretty impressive. Well, he did tell me that he gave his four kids each one of his Super Bowls.
So he only has four kids. So that's where I knew that he didn't win five Super Bowls because he doesn't have five kids.
Wait, are we passing over Dan Marino? I mean, Dan Marino. You can make the cases like watching old Dan Marino clips and what he did.
his arm talent, is just out of this world.

Marino changed the game.

Like when you say guys change, you know, Steph Curry changed the NBA.

Dan Marino changed the game because back then,

who was doing five wide, no running backs,

and all they're doing is throwing passes, quick releases,

all of those things.

And Marino in today's game, could be he you know approached 6 000 yards probably yeah he'd throw for 50 touchdown because that wasn't the difficulty for him he he was doing that before and he's convincing don shula a defensive-minded head coach let me throw the ball as much as i want i like this is talking talking ball what's the spiciest take you give us a tease of the spiciest take or another take that you have in this book that people can can buy it and be like i'm gonna buy it because i want to i want to get to this point be like oh i heard that on part of my take so we uh cover the best game ever worst game ever most penalized game the sneakers game fog bowl the catch the drive uh the whizinator uh nice there's there's no topic that we shy away from let's put it that way uh we fix uh penalties uh let's see wayne gretzky is involved in this uh what you bring to a tailgate we revisit the immaculate reception the butt fumble uh we talk about how bad Pat the Patriot was, the media's impact. I have people who assess my talent as a broadcaster, pro and con.
So we pretty much cover everything there. I like it.
I like that. And to your point about Dan Marino, as great of a player as he is, even better interview.
rock solid guy to talk to I don't know if you're familiar with this Dan but we had we had we had Dan Marino on the show at the Super Bowl right after you had him on I think he left your set came to the back of our van where we were doing the interview and he looked at us like who are these assholes that I'm about to talk to and I blame you I blame blame you for not softening them up enough for us because he was he was not happy to be stuck between me and big cat in the back of a van but if you would have said hey could you kind of you know ease this you know dan into us you know say some nice things about it i would have done that yeah but it was like he he went he went to your show and he had like a great new york strip and then he came to our show and we gave him like a dollar cheeseburger and maybe like a crack pipe. And he was like, how did I end up here? What life decision did I make that got me to this point? Yeah, it didn't go great, but that's okay.
Interviews, what's your worst interview of all time besides Qualcomm? Oh, yeah. Let me see.
Qualcomm was legendary, yeah. Matt Harvey.
Yeah. He had no idea how to do an interview.
And he's in New York, and he's got a product to promote, Qualcomm. And he comes on, and he, I guess, had just had surgery or needed surgery or something.
And I said, hey, can we talk about that? And he goes, no, no, I'm just here to talk about Qualcomm. And I said, you gotta be fucking kidding me.
Don't you understand? This is quid pro quo. Like, give me something.
And then I'll let you talk about Qualcomm. And so that, that ended quickly.
And then I guess, uh, you know, they kind of got together and said, you need to go back on there.

So the next day he came on and I think he sort of figured out what he was supposed to do.

Tanya Harding didn't go well.

Whitey Herzog did not go well.

But sometimes that's good when they don't go well.

It's still entertaining, which it sometimes it hurts.

But but, you know, it's content. And but, yeah yeah tanya harding and whitey herzog were were bad there was a great interview i saw it wasn't on your show but somebody else that was interviewing aaron donald and all he wanted to talk about was bath salts he wanted to talk about epsom salts the entire time and he just kept tying everything back he's like i'm not here to talk about the nfl or my career i want to talk to you guys about bats and he got so bad that it actually was a great interview he is if i was sponsoring an athlete i would want to sponsor aaron donald and he would only talk about me but sometimes these guys don't understand we'll get to your plug right but they magic johnson was with us i don't know six weeks ago and was talking about, you know, Steph Curry is a point guard.
And, you know, I thought we were chopping it up. And then he's he came back around to why he was on there.
And therefore, I couldn't get him to just have a conversation. Let you get your plug in conversation.
Let you get your plug in. Say goodbye to Magic Johnson.
And, you know, I, it got tripped up. And so we could never really land on the same page here.
He wanted to promote and I wanted to interview. So other side of that coin, who's the best interview that you've ever done? Oh, I don't know if I have somebody that would stand out.
There have been a lot of them to choose from, but I've been doing it a long time. So I think anybody who's honest, because your audience wants to know why are you having this person on? And when you get that person on and you say, Hey, you're going to love this guy.
Then that's what that makes it rewarding. But there are times when you oversell or you undersell, but anybody who's going to tell you the truth or give you some really good stories.
That really what i i'm trying to subscribe to every time i have somebody on that's a smart answer too because we sat down a couple weeks ago and we did a mount rushmore of our favorite recurring guests that we've had on our show that was a bad idea to name names because then you you leave out like 200 people that get pissed off at you that never want to come back on your show So again,'re a pro you didn't fall for that trap yeah like smart man you also we should have said uh to start congratulations on the weirdest contract extension of all time yes um yeah you completely for people who don't know dan came on the show one day was like i'm working four more years and everyone was like everyone you know all his guys in the room are like shit four more years all right like he's retiring soon and then the next day he's like i forgot to say i just signed an extension for four years so you i mean was everyone freaking out like you you know you got a whole crew no they were okay it was everybody else's reaction that I was announcing my retirement for, but I was announcing that in four years. And so people are texting or calling my wife saying, is Dan retiring? And she said, no, in four years.
But I screwed up the order instead of saying, hey, signed a contract extension. And then I'm going to retire when that contract is over.
But it turned out, I mean, I got four years of a send off. So I should get some really, really fucking nice gifts, I'm guessing.
Yeah. Coach K is like, I didn't know you could do four years.
What the fuck? You can't. It's not going to sneak up on you when I retire.
So you can't say, wow, I didn't see that one coming. You're on the Olympic cycle.
This is crazy. Wait, so are you actually going to retire though? Because I'm very curious about this.
We, you know, we're, we're young or, but I do think like, Hey, is there a time when you can retire from this? If you're truly addicted to what we do. And I am addicted to what we do.
I enjoy it so much. Do you actually think you'll be able to turn it off, like not go to the Super Bowl, not go to the Final Four, do these big events that you've done for so many years? I mean, there's going to be a point where you're like, man, why did I still got some gas left in the tank here? Well, there'll be other things that I do.

I have a broadcasting school.

Sandler will keep putting me in movies.

Yeah, true.

And there'll be other things along the way.

But, I mean, it's a grind every day.

Three hours a day, it's live.

And there are times, you know, like July.

God, July is tough.

Yeah.

Like, what are you talking about in July?

There are other, you know, moments, months that you go, this is easy.

Thank you. you know like july god july is tough yeah like what are you talking about in july there are other you know moments months that you go this is easy but it's a young man's game um and and i want to make sure i go out on what i would consider going out as myself going out in style not like just hanging on like oh my god look at that guy listen to i mean i feel bad for him yeah and so i just i didn't want that to happen but but counterpoint late francesa was hilarious no but i don't want you to laugh at me i want you to laugh with me okay okay there's a difference there's a difference in that i i just don't want to be like come here and listen to that that is sad right there yeah falling asleep I don't.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, that would be entertaining in a different way. But, yeah, I respect it.
One of the best all-time clips in sports radio is Francesca reading Jacob deGrom's run support that he got for an entire year and just saying two, one, two. It's like bingo.
Three. And he just goes on for like a minute and a half saying numbers.
That's great. I mean, people listen to it.
Oh, but my favorite is still Al Albuquerque. Yeah.
Yes. Fake name.
Yes. When somebody called up and then Mike said, there's nobody named Al Albuquerque.
And then I think later he goes, oh, you mean Albert Albuquerque. I don't want that to happen.
So I'm always interested to know from guys that do solo radio. I mean, obviously, you have the Danettes, so they provide a lot of content for you as well.
But at the crux of it, your show is one man talking to a microphone for three hours. And you came from doing SportsCenter where things, for the most part, they're scripted.
There was some ad-libbing, and obviously, you like to have a lot of fun with that but then you transition just sitting behind a mic and it's it's constant dan patrick opinions for three hours non-stop was that did you sit down the first day and after you know 30 minutes you're like what the fuck have i gotten myself into well i think people who do radio or want to do radio go oh that not difficult. All you do is talk.
And then those people usually get 20 minutes in and they go, now what do I talk about? What else can we talk about? I think you have to be strategic in who you have on, what are your topics? And then it gets into a rhythm, gets into a flow. But when we were on SportsCenter, probably 11 o'clock SportsCenter, I'm going to guess 60% was ad lib because you're ad libbing all the highlights, you know, stuff that's on camera on prompter, you know, obviously that's scripted.
But I always loved radio. I thought that was the purest form where you can communicate.
You could say something to somebody. They have to visualize something when they're listening to your voice.
If I mentioned somebody's name, then you think of them. You let me into your car.
It's personal. It's intimate.
Your voice, what it means to people. And I wasn't big into TV because it was a lot for very little.
You'd spend eight hours writing a show where you'd go on and you'd be on for an hour and you could have a great show.

And then somebody say, you know, how could you wear that tie or your hair looked like you just stuff where you go?

Really? That's what it comes down to. But radio is different.

It's just your voice and how it resonates with people.

It's true. It's a good point.
I mean, that's why even the one show we did on ESPN,

I think we both realized quickly,

like this is different and not as fun as doing a podcast

because a podcast is similar to radio

where we don't have a time limit.

We can just talk for, you know,

if we find something funny

and we just go down a rabbit hole,

those are the best moments.

And being able to have that free form

where you can really like, you know,

dive into something, I think the audience loves.

Well, that's what changed when I left ESPN, because I thought it was kind of formulaic that I was trying to be an ESPN radio host instead of just being myself. And when I left and we were doing the first three years, we did the show in my attic.
And I just said, we're going to talk about whatever we want to talk about. And not, well, you got to check the box, check the box, check the box, and then have this analyst on for the mothership.
It was, I don't care what it is, because if we're into it, your audience will be into it. If you have fun with it, and that's what, like your audience, loyal and they listen to you.
So they'll invest in what you're talking about because you're interested. And I said to the Danettes, I said, I just want to have fun.
You know, I don't care if it's about movies or music or something embarrassing, or you have Joe Montana on. We're going to have fun every single day.
And that to me is contagious. Nobody wants to listen to somebody bummed out in the morning or yelling and screaming in the morning.
It's like have fun. And that's the approach that we've had for going on now 17 years.
It's a very good point. So you mentioned the Danettes.
Do you miss McLovin or never even think about him? I don't think about him unless he's brought up. That's going to kill him.
I love Pearl. I've become very good friends with him, but that's going to hurt him.
Well, I would tell him to his face that I don't miss him, but I don't want to miss him because I had to do a show. And Marvin took over for McLovin and gave us a whole different kind of feel to the show.
But McLovin bought into being sort of a class clown for us. And here's an Ivy League educated guy.
And I said, look, you got to laugh at yourself. You got to have fun.
And that's hard to do because, you know, everybody has pride and an ego. And I'm asking you, if I'm going to make fun of myself and look silly or sound silly, you need to.
If I'm going to make you wear an Alabama game jersey and nothing on underneath walking around the streets of New York, then you have to be willing to do that or pie to the face or whatever it might or flinch ball, like stupid things. But let's have fun with it.
And he did that for the longest time. And then I think he wanted to be a radio or, you know, he wanted to be a real journalist again.
And I wasn't going to allow him to continue to do that. He is the best, though.
Since we're talking about your career, what year was your best hair year? Hmm. I'm going to say early to mid-90s.
I thought I was crushing it. Yeah, that was.
Because you do have phenomenal hair, and I just always wonder if someone, like, who has such great hair, do they look back and they're like, man, at this point, I was throwing 99 on the black. Like that was it.
That was my hair. It's like Pam Anderson running on the beach in Baywatch.
Like she can look back and go, God, I had it on. I had it all.
It's sort of me running on the beach in Baywatch with my hair. Yeah.
Although PFT has made fun of me. Like, I think you showed me a picture ago are you proud of that and then my hair looked really bad i forget where we were you go are you proud of that yeah um no you've had great hair but you've also had bad hair days and you could tell which one it was like i i always had the hypothesis when i was watching because i used to i used to tune into your show all the time as a kid it was like religious for me every morning i would watch sports center then i would go to school i'd be five minutes late for class because i had to finish watching sports center then leave to go to elementary school and i knew if dan's having a good hair day he's gonna be bringing the fire with the voiceovers if it's a bad hair day it's like free willy or like a an orca with the dorsal fin that's like drooped over.
He's not going to have the confidence day. It's like look good, feel good, feel good, play good.
Yeah, you could be right. There could be a correlation between that.
Look good, feel good, play good. Sometimes I gave you angry highlights, too, because I knew my hair wasn't great.
And therefore, it made me be a little more critical of a player or a team so it could have consciously or subconsciously affected my delivery on sports center would players ever would they get upset with you for delivering a bad highlight yes was there you said something if you said something and sometimes it was they didn't hear it but somebody else did and then by the time it, they're like Rob Deere, who played for the Detroit Tigers. All he did was hit home runs and strike out.
And I remember having a highlight where I said, here's Rob Deere. All he does is hit home runs and strike out.
And that's the whiff. 0 for 3 on the night.
So I'm out at a ballpark, which I always believe. Go out, and just in case somebody wants to say something to you, they can.
And he came up to me. He goes, why do you say all I do is strike out or hit home runs? I go, Rob, that's all you do.
He goes, that's true, but you don't have to say that. And I go, you hit home runs and you strike out.
You strike out a whole lot more than you hit home runs but i you have run-ins with people you know uh the whole uh alex rodriguez criticizing derrick jeter's contract when he was on my show and then he claimed that it uh um that we weren't really uh on the air that uh he thought he was off the air with me but but he was criticizing Derek Jeter. Now, I don't even know that he's mad at me.
We do the interview. And then this is a couple of years later.
And we're in Dallas. And I said to my guys, I said, you know, we should reach out, see if A-Rod wants to join us on the show.
Called the PR guy. Said, oh, Alex loves you.
I know that. yeah, sure.
And he calls back. He says, um, Alex has a problem with you.
And I go, okay, I'll just come over to, uh, the locker room. I get word that he's really got a problem with me because of this Derek Jeter thing.
I didn't even know it. I go over, I go in the locker room and you got, you know, steroid row there with Conseco and some of the other players, Rafael Palmeir.
They're on the back of a couch and they're looking as I walk in, A-Rod is at his locker with a guy, I think his name was Mike Lamb. And he's just talking to him and makes me wait probably 15 minutes.
I'm just standing there. And then I thought he was going to punch me because he started yelling at me and i i said alex it was on the record you know it was on the record and i had rob dibble with me at the time i said look i i said to dibbs if he hits me you he goes i got your back i'll take him out so i got all of the guys from the r, and they're waiting for it.
They think something's going to happen here. But that got close to go time, I think, for Alex.
Damn. Was there any other time that an athlete got mad at you? Because it is true.
It's weird. We want the guests to be happy and to feel good about the interview, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.
And way and it's like well you knew what you were getting into when you came on the show but i don't do gotcha yeah i i i try to be as professional and and if i'm i do a gotcha it's accidental i i'm not out there to get alex rodriguez but as soon as he calls in i said hey we're recording and he goes can you believe what they're going to pay you know derrick and i go why and he goes he doesn't do anything better than like he just started going on and on and on and we told him that we were recording yeah and it uh lawrence taylor threatened me one time oh when he that Yeah. Yeah, bad.
He had been suspended for cocaine use. And he read a statement inside the Giants headquarters there, training camp headquarters.
So all the print guys got, you know, what LT was saying. And I was outside and I had my cameraman.
So he comes out and he has these dark sunglasses on. He walks out and I said, Lawrence, Dan Patrick from CNN, can you read that statement on camera for me? And he says no.
So I keep moving down the road with him, walking towards his dark blue Porsche. And then I go, LT, can you just read that on camera? I won't ask any questions.
Read the statement on camera. Why don't you learn the whole story? I said, I know the story.
I called your agent. I spoke to your agent.
No, you didn't. I said, yes, I did.
Now I remember his name ricky shine i said ricky if he hits me keep rolling and then i he said he goes a little bit further walking to his car and i said lt he said don't you ask me one more time and i could see the whites of his eyes through these sunglasses that were as dark as pfts i go holy shit i'm in trouble so he he turns and then gives me this look side eye and i go oh my god now i know what it's like to be joe theisman and uh he gets into his porsche peels off. Peter King is working for New York Newsday.
He runs out. He goes, what happened? What happened? And I told him the story and he goes, okay, that's awesome.
And then I think Peter wrote about it, didn't get the interview, but I truly thought LT was going to, he was going to take me out that day. Yeah, there was a time we interviewed LT and and Hank had to tell him, like, hey, you have to hold the microphone closer to your mouth when you talk.
And LT gave that same look to Hank, like, I will kill you, Hank. Yeah.
And Hank was like, shut the fuck up. Fair enough.
Yeah, I love, yeah. He was the original shut the fuck up, Hank guy.
Yeah. I am curious to know, though, when you're doing an interview and you feel like your guest is getting into gotcha territory on their own, not that you're setting them up, but you can feel they're saying something inflammatory, something that they'll probably regret saying after the interview is over.
Do you try to rescue them? Do you try to allow them like follow up and try to add a little bit of nuance to what they say? Are you as far as you're concerned? It's like you said it. Let's just let's keep this keep this going well i still have to do my job and and it's a it's a fair question to ask but my job is still content and the people are listening or tuning in but there are times when you we had tracy morgan on uh promoting a new special when we were in ireland and will farrell was there and their friends and tracy was just talking about you know his house and uh you know his daughter wants to be a marine biologist and i got a pool and uh it's got sharks in and then he was like do you want to know what i feed my sharks do you want to know what i feed my sharks i'm'm going to Puerto Ricans.
And I go, no, you can't say that. He goes, yeah, they gave me.
Yeah, they gave me the joke. And I'm going.
So he just said it in a way. And then I went, oh, my God, am I going to get crushed for letting him say that? But I tried to get him to back it, but he's a comedian.

So it was out there.

It was done.

And sometimes there's a point of no return where you go, all right, next topic.

Yeah.

And then move on.

Comedians do get a different set of rules.

Yeah, we try not to do gotcha as well on this show just because we want people to have fun.

We also play this fun game called We Read a Headline if you want to play that with us uh all right so i'm just gonna read a headline the new comment uh by the way by the way i don't know if you saw this i don't know if the clip went viral as the kids like to say but will ferrell had his prosthetic testicles from stepbrothers that he he hits on john c riley's drum kit yeah he brought those to dublin and and he

had them in a box ten thousand dollars it took to make these prosthetic testicles and lifelike so i

pull it out of the box and i show it on the air and the fact that will travel to dublin with these

in his bag his bag in his bag and i thought that is now I didn't know if I could show those on the air. But I thought, you know, I'm going to take a chance just in case.
And I'd rather beg for forgiveness there than ask for permission. But I did not realize like those were lifelike testicles that he had, that he has a box in it that just says testicles from stepbrother.

Wait, did you get yelled at?

No one said anything yet.

Okay.

No one.

But I don't know what you can show.

I mean, the body is a beautiful thing.

So I just thought.

Yeah, balls are not beautiful.

The male body is hideous.

It really is.

Like God bless.

Balls are gross when you think about it.

I can't believe women allow us to like climb on top of them.

It is bad.

Like when you think about it.

Yeah.

It's gross.

But don't women always say, don't send me, you know, a dick pic.

I mean, they don't say it to me, but I'm just like, I don't want to see that.

Yeah.

Well, there's a great group of guys on the internet uh who i'd love to interview who just send unsolicited dick pics to like porn stars being like this is gonna work she'll see my cock and be like yeah it's on let's go i want to date you i know what to do with that i know where that goes but but you could get a true assessment though of yourself if you're gonna ask a porn star yeah i would rather not know yeah i don't want to get rated there that's definitely just she just thumbs down it and just be like next um all right so we read it we read a headline uh and you comment on it uh the headline is dan patrick unloads on joe biden for not caring about u.s citizens and what do i do well i mean what why'd you say that oh is that the uh lieutenant governor in texas dan patrick unloads on joe biden for not caring about usa the the game is very simple we read a headline i know but i get blamed for a lot of the things that this guy in texas says yeah somebody said uh what do you have against the elderly a friend of mine i went to dinner and he stopped by and he goes what do you have against the elderly and i go what are you talking about he goes no this was during the pandemic that i think this Dan Patrick in Texas said, you know what?

Old people die.

And basically, if they die, so what?

And then I got blamed for that for some of the things that he said.

We don't we don't align politically.

And so he had some he said some things to say that I've had to apologize for.

You should start just publicly walking back things that he says, just reverse headlining them.

It's like Dan Patrick takes back everything he says.

I shouldn't have said that put him in a box i like it yeah what do you what do you have against the elderly nothing you said they die i i did not that is a fact that's a fact dan do elderly people die They do, i do care when they die that's the difference it didn't sound he was basically saying hey out with the old in with the new yeah yeah that's it's probably a little bit easier now that you don't show up as like the first verified check mark on twitter when you search for a dan patrick on twitter good because of because of you know blue check marks going everywhere now but i would imagine that you know four or five years ago every time he would say something people would just flock to your page and be like what's going on here uh cat how's being a father it's the best i'm in i'm in the shit though i got a four-year-old two-year-old and three-month-old so it's chaos at all times yeah and we had four under seven that's crazy that's insane i don't i don't i was working second shift at espn for at the time that's four under seven four is insane four i mean three feels insane four i feel like you become you know like when someone gets like a couple cats and they're just a cat person when When you get to four or five kids, you're just a kid person. Like that's all you do.
Well, how many cats do you become a cat person? Three. I think it's three.
It's three. You have two cats because you get the first cat.
Kind of weird. Then you get the second cat because your cat needs a friend.
And then you get a third cat and all bets are off. There are also an asterisk.
You can be a cat person if you have two cats, and the majority of your furniture is you bought for your cats. You know those people where you walk in, and there's like the pole and everything.
Like a walkway that goes across the living room. Yeah, Keith Hernandez is a cat person.
Yeah. I know somebody in the family tree.
They at last count had 22 cats. Oh, my God.
That's disturbing. That's crazy.
All right. So wait, you asked me about my kids.
I want to ask you a real question about balancing, you know, being a dad and doing your job. Were there moments that you look back and you're like, man, maybe I shouldn't have worked so hard because I struggle with that.
Oh, absolutely. I was selfish.
Absolutely. Yeah.
I thought I had to to be because espn back then was really really competitive you i mean you had berman bob lee you had chris myers chris valor mike tariko oberman myself craig kilborn that you know we're all in there and at the time everybody was doing sports then it was was really, really competitive. And I thought, God, I can never turn.
I'd, you know, at some point we were doing six days a week of sports center. And you're in there at three in the afternoon and then you're out at midnight.
So I would, the kids would be up and out of the house. I'd wake up, I'd go to work, I'd come home, they'd be in bed.
So in bed so for like five days i didn't see them right so i didn't raise them my wife did but there were times when you're like you know you're trying to cram everything together in one afternoon where you're like i'm gonna make up for being the shittiest dad and i'm gonna do it in like three hours what do you want to do kids and they're like nothing yeah you know it's we don't need to it's tough i i've i've found a good balance in that the fact that like when i'm home i'm home you know what i mean like and it's like stuff like sundays we work from noon till till 2 a.m but sunday mornings like you know until i have to leave for work it's like let's do stuff let's be together and do that stuff but yeah it's I I definitely like think about it a lot being like man am I making a mistake but how many daughters do you have one daughter okay she's my favorite yes yes there's nothing wrong with having a favorite yeah no I I don't buy it when people say they don't have a favorite it's like that's not. And now the rankings, it's like the AP poll.
It goes up and down week to week. Like, you know, we get the voting going in.
It depends on how everyone's been doing. So it definitely changes.
But, yes, there's always a favorite at a certain point. But your daughter, these are tricky relationships.
Make sure you do things that are just for her sometimes.

You'll do stuff with the boys.

But I found that being a really good listener opens that pathway.

I have three daughters and, you know, we're in constant contact, texting, whatever it is.

And then my oldest is a boy.

But your daughter is tricky because I promise you this in 10 years from now, I'll run into you and you go, I'll be damned, man. My daughter remembers this and this and this, and not that your boys won't, but your daughter is going to see you with your wife and remember how you are with her.
If you're in the kitchen, you're holding her hand, you're dancing with you, you're laughing with you, you're whatever it is, girls, they pick up and they do not forget. So always remember they're watching and they're listening for good or bad.
All right. So she's going to be a degenerate horse better.
Um, we got that. check that one off.
No, it's good advice. It's good advice.
Yeah. It's basically boys are dumb, which they are.
We're boys. We're dumb.
Have you watched boys on a playground? Yeah. They just do stupid shit.
They just bang each other and run around and being goofy. Meanwhile, girls are calculated.
Yeah. They already got clicks, and they're backstabbing, and there's stuff going on.
Guys, it's very simple. You just play until you get hurt, and then you're like, I can't play anymore.
I was at the park the other day, and there was a kid just with a huge wiffle ball bat just walking around just smashing kids in the face in the back, and I was like, who is this kid? I was like, but guess what? They're all laughing're all laughing who cares it's just boys boys being boys to the utmost is that are you done with three yes yes three is three is it three is it three's too many so it's not my youngest i'd have another one now my youngest is gonna hear me say that so many times like what you what the hell do you mean when you said three's too many like just say daddy was having fun that's called content it was just a bit it was just a bit it was all just a bit if you have four i have to assume that you're just you're okay with imperfection at all times yeah nothing is going to be going fully according to plan it's just like as long as the important stuff gets checked off then we're good. Take a head count at the end of the day.
If it comes up four, then you've done your job. But you know, you can't, you can't, that's the fascinating part of it though, because you do not like you go into every day unscripted.
Oh yeah. And they write the script.
Yeah. And then it's up to you to, if you change the script, edit the script or just let it play out.
And sometimes it's fiction. Sometimes it's nonfiction.
But it's awesome. Yeah.
Every day is definitely an adventure. So who's your favorite Danette? Oh, it's got to be Pauly.
I'm going to say Marvin. Oh.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Well, he's right here.
Oh, he's literally right there. If he wasn't here, I'd say Seton.
Oh. Yeah.
Seton's kind of the wild card, the guy that might not give you, because Paul, he's like a Labrador he'll give you the love um yeah see don't give me shit seat don't keep me honest uh seat will keep me company at the bar um yeah i i probably i probably say him also paulie will just try to get you to go to vermont like every weekend yeah we're rhode island yeah we're grilling again this weekend I don't know how many times

Paul texted me being like plot of land in Vermont it's like dude I'm not moving to Vermont

it does look awesome in the summertime oh he has the best setup he has the best I will say

Fritzy is one of the most fascinating people who do this there's nobody like Todd Fritz in in doing

this he books our guest but he's he's a fascinating person. It's some good and some bad, but there's nobody like him.
There's a Kramer from Seinfeld feel to him. He just truly is a unique character.
You can't make it up. He wants to be a stand-up comedian, but he doesn't want you to help him be a stand-up.
I said, I'll get Sandler and Spade to write some stuff for you. And he'd rather bomb with his own stuff.
I respect that. Then take from Sandler and Dave Spade and be successful.
Hopefully he's not too much like Kramer with his stand-up material. Yeah, that's true.
That would be a bad look for your show. No, not.
he's he doesn't go blue when he's up there he i love when you and fritzy get butt heads that's some of my favorite moments from your show because it is he's he's very defiant and it's very fun to watch it can be my wife says you don't hear yourself and i said oh i do i i do but but i can look back and kind of cringe because i i get angry sometimes with him i told him i said look i love you but i don't always like you that's a good that's a good saying yeah and he knows that but but he is truly a unique unique character every single day it's something different uh fascinating so i want to plug your book again you should check it out the occasionally accurate anals of football anals you can find it everywhere literally everywhere this book is going to be everywhere you look uh you had adam sandler write the forward for it yeah did he actually write it did you did you like send him an email did he write back to you or did he have his friend write it for you no he said i asked him in person and i said uh will you write the forward he said well what what do i what do i write i said whatever you feel and he said you know i'm a jets fan i said write about the jets and did. It's all about the Jets and how he grew up hating Tom Brady.
And so he just gave you what his thought. I said, it doesn't have to be about anything.
Just write it. I don't care.
And he said, okay. He goes, I don't know what a forward is, but I'll write it.
And so he's happy to do it. He seems like just a great dude.
I read a story about him. This was when Uncut Jims was coming out.
He hasn't been on your show? Yes. Yes.
And he was awesome when he was on the show. I felt like I was his best friend after 45 minutes with him.
But when that movie came out, there was an article somebody wrote about him that was just interviewing all of his friends, like everybody that's known the guy. And they all stand on the table and say, the best person in the world maybe so would you can is he a close personal friend of yours yeah he's become that way but you know he's put me in 20 movies i'm always so that's 20 years that you're you see him doing a movie even though i'm on the set for maybe you know four or five days.
Um, but he invited me to his daughter's bat mitzvah. And, you know, we've he's been to things, family functions of mine and dinner.
And once you're in with him, you're in forever. Once once you're in the family, because I remember doing a movie and then Rob Schneider goes, once you're in, you're in will use you whenever you want to and he has uh you know like i said 20 20 movies and he writes a cameo for me and a lot of times he would write a cameo just so i would go to the movie set so we could play basketball he wanted somebody to be able to play basketball with and uh i i didn't care it was like i don't i don't have to stay there for a long period of time.
You just have to go there and remember your lines, have some fun, play some hoops, and that's it. What was your best acting performance that you've given? I think it was the movie Just Go With It with Jennifer Aniston and Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews where I play a nightclub owner.
And they do this competitive dance. And I just get to ad lib and say whatever.
At one point, I called this large woman big country. And I didn't know if Sandman would let me keep it in.
But he was like, Danny, just ad lib, just have fun. And Dave Matthews was uh in the scene as well but Aniston and Kidman it was funny when they when each realized that I had no idea what I was doing because Kidman is she's real she's that's a she's actress she's all actress Aniston you know kind of fun and goofy but really comedic timing was wonderful.
But there was a time when I, the script says, uh, yeah, you come on and then you ad lib and, uh, get the contest going. So I came on and then I introduced people and then I stopped and Sandler's out in the, uh, you know, with the camera people and he yells out in front of everybody, Danny, got a fucking ad lib.
And you could see Aniston and Kidman are staring at me like, holy shit. So Sandman comes up on stage.
I said, look, man, don't let them figure out that I don't know what I'm doing until later. Okay.
And then he goes. And so to his credit, he says out loud, Danny, that's my fault.
That's my fault. I should have written that down.
And I go, yeah, yeah. And then he went back out and I'm going, holy shit.
So Aniston kept saying, you're the sports guy, right? And I go, yeah. And she goes, so you're not an actor? I said, well, I'm a performer.
And then Nicole Kidman wanted nothing to do with me. And not that there was anything to do with me, but we went to this room where you kind of sit in between scenes.
And I thought, if I ever get stuck with, you know, Nicole Kidman, I got to have something to talk to her about. And my daughter goes, I'm born on the same day as her daughter is okay i got it i'm in this room with sandler's bulldog it's just me we're watching tv hidman walks in and it's one of those where you walk in the room and then you can't turn around right away because then it looks like you didn't want to go in and talk to this person so she door opens and i look back and then she looks over and she's like oh so she goes and sits on the couch once again we're in the same scene there's no dialogue i'm playing with sandler's bulldog and then all of a sudden i go um my daughter's born on the same day as your daughter.

She said, oh, great.

She got up and left.

Well, her husband shows up, Keith Urban, and is talking my ear off.

So she's looking at her like Keith was talking about the Titans. What do i think of the tennessee tight couldn't have been more involved in sports but she's now looking at like i don't know who you are but my husband knows me but nicole and i it wasn't magic yeah yeah i get uncomfortable when she comes on screen introducing me to an amc theater yeah she's like the magic of cinema where feeling bad can feel so good.
I'm like, please don't talk to me. I'm intimidated by you.
It bothers me when I see her on screen. It brings back bad memories because I'm thinking, God damn.
She's serious. She's a very serious actor.
And those people usually aren't welcomed on Sandler movie sets. People are very serious yes um brooklyn decker was in uh in that movie as well i love her yes big fan of hers huge a lot of fun a lot of fun um all right so i have one last question this has been great everyone do go by the occasionally accurate annals of football uh it's a great book great book title as we progress through the season, every fan knows that big wins are hard to come by and tough losses are even harder to accept.
But you know what isn't hard to accept? Discover. Believe it or not, Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide.
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We are on the precipice of the 2023 NFL season. Give us nice to get some gear though.
Oh, we can get you gear. No problem.
No problem. I mean, if problem i mean if if you want no we got you we got you actually i is large can marvin write this down real quick if you want to give marvin all right so tell marvin uh if you go to roback.com and use promo code taking get all the gear you want oh okay that's nice yeah yeah exactly that's just for you that's a personal discount so 20 off for just me that is awesome we'll delete this part from the show we don't want our audience hearing that yes put real back out of business yeah um are we having wings again are you still go to uh ogies yeah i love that place we just moved to chicago though so we're out of yeah.
Oh, you did. Yeah, we're out of the city.
We got a place here, though, for you. We also got to take you.
Maybe we do a trip to Wingnuts. We found the best wings in the world in Buffalo.
Literally the best wings in the world. And they're in Buffalo? Yes.
They are the best. It's actually worth it to take it.
Like, if you ever have something that, like, oh, maybe I should go to Buffalo for something. Be like, yeah, I'm going to go because I want to try these wings.
So wing nuts. Wing nuts.
They're that good. Also, you moved out of the city.
Yeah, no longer in New York. We're in Chicago, though.
A different city. We got a great wing place here, too, when you get here.
And we're going to have a full basketball court in our new office. So you're going to have to come hoop with us.
Well, we invited you guys here for an ass kicking and uh nobody showed up i don't

think i think you fired mclovin like right after that so i i feel like that's what i would i'll bring mclovin back okay i played with him i used to play with him every saturday morning oh i heard i know his game marvin can play marvin marvin knows what he's doing okay mclovin is is an all time and I do love him

I say this in an endearing way

all time

uh Marvin knows what he's doing. Okay.
McLovin is an all-time, and I do love him.

I say this in an endearing way.

All-time shoots a shot and says,

oh, for short, and then it's a swish.

It drives you insane.

Where he's like, oh, that's short,

and then it's just a perfect swish.

He played a little bit at Dartmouth.

Yeah.

The junior varsity team.

Yeah.

Ever heard of him?

He's got some game.

All right.

So, rollback question.

Give me your spiciest, your spiciest

NFL take going into

the season.

My spiciest one is

oh, I just did this the other

day. Hold on.
Hold on.

Hold on.

We're getting a...

Hold on.

Let's put it in the microwave.

Leftovers? Yeah, reheated

spiciest take.

Okay Um

Thank you. Hold on.
Is this a rehash? He's putting it in the microwave. We're going to reheat it.
Leftovers? Yeah, reheat it. It's spicy.
Okay. Okay.
Mike White will win more games for the Dolphins than Tua Tonga-Vilo. That's me.
That's me. I hope Tua listens to this, and I hope he calls you out.
You're on a list now. I'm a member of Tuanon.
You are now on a list. I didn't say that he looks thick or that he looks like a stripper at Onyx.
You're in trouble for this take. No, I'm rooting for him.
Doesn't sound like it. You know what? I'll take that back.
Okay, there we go. Tom Brady comes out of – Okay, I like it.
I like it. And he comes out of retirement to play for the Jets.
Yeah. Ooh.
Okay, that's a great one. That's a place to take.
Give me your hot take here. You can do it real quick.
Dak Prescott retires from throwing too many interceptions. That's a good one.
He retires this year. Yeah, this year.
He throws so many interceptions in the first month of the season. He's like, I can't.
I'm so bad at football. I'm retiring.
You're going to be on his list, and I'm going to let him know. I'm already on Dak's list.
I'm already on Dak's list. Dak doesn't have a list.
Don't worry. Don't you worry.
Dak's got a long list. We've been on that list.
I think Phillip Rivers is going to come back. He almost came back last year.
Did you hear that with Kyle Shanahan? Yeah. Kyle shouldn't have said that.
No, he shouldn't. Now all I'm thinking about how awesome that would have been if Phillip Rivers played in the Super Bowl.
That would have been a great story. I'm surprised.
My arm is stronger than Phillip Rivers. Yeah.
Yeah, that's true. It is.
I actually think this is the year for Kirk Cousins. I think he wins one, maybe two playoff games.
I'm backing on him. I'm like a pendulum with Kirk, where now I feel like I've undervalued him and underappreciated him for so long, and I saw him on that show quarterback, and he's just the nicest person in the world, where now I feel bad rooting against him.
So now I back on the side are you okay with the mustache that's a preseason thing i think it's just a preseason we think it's like him having fun with the boys in the locker room they're like look look what i did to my mustache isn't that crazy and he's gonna be clean cut by week one yeah it was just a prank he does strike me as somebody like hey isn't this a wild shirt i And, you know, it'll be like a plaid shirt that leave it to beaver wore. You're like, boy, that is wild, Kirk.
But I do think I think that show did soften people's like criticism of him because they were like, man, he's just like us. He's an everyday normal guy.
But it feels like no matter what he does, they won 13 games last year. Yeah, but we talked about the point difference.
It's never good enough with Kirk D. Cousins.
Yeah, I developed kind of a hatred for him because he was always good enough on the Redskins at the time to be better than average, give you hope, and then not good enough to fulfill that hope that you got but then I realized that was more about me less about him and he was also just really good at getting paid he's probably him and Chase Daniel the best two quarterbacks at getting paid he's timed everything out perfectly when it comes to like the franchise tag he got that twice got guaranteed money got more money. Now he's going to get more guaranteed money after this season.
So, I mean, more power to him. I can't be mad at him.
If you're mad at Kirk Cousins, you're really mad at yourself. You're mad at the system.
Why didn't they go for Trey Lance? He probably stinks. Well, because Dak's going to retire.
Yeah. So they need some help up for him.
Yeah, but Trey Lance isn't better than Cooper Rush. I don't know.
You think? Well, I guess it's a project I guess they're trying to do. I don't know.
And can you be a bust at 23? Yes, 100%. Billy football.
Jamarcus was a bust at 23, right? We knew by then we might've known sooner than that. Yeah, but Zell kind of was right.
Like 23 was, yeah, you can, I guess, I guess Trey Lance is not the age. It's, can you be a bust without playing? Cause he hasn't played.
So that, that would be the better question. I think probably not.
He He probably can't. He gets another shot to be officially a bust.
But if you're 23, if he was taken third overall, but you didn't trade all those first-round picks for him. Different.
Definitely different. Is he? Yeah.
Because some guys, like I remember Achilles Smith played for the Bengals. He went number two overall.
Nobody ever brings him up as a bust, but they'll bring up Ryan Leap just because Peyton Manning is one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. Sometimes like Greg Oden and Kevin Durant, Mr.
Bitsky and Patrick Mahomes. Like that's where you get, who you get drafted around definitely affects how people think of you for better or worse.
Well, thanks for thinking of me segue to let you guys say goodbye. oh no we're not done we're just this intermission this half oh intermission oh yeah yeah we got another hour well dan are you guys allowed to drink on the air uh yeah technically but we we learned pretty early on that that being drunk while podcasting not that funny it's it's it's one of those things that if you do the drunk thing like three or four times a year or sometimes we'll do episodes pardon my bake where we'll get really really high that's funny but if you do it all the time people are like well i don't really want to listen to the drunk guy so we it's it's sparingly hey hungover episodes are sometimes our best episode that's true but you can't do those every time either because nobody what no one wants to listen to a drunk person at 7 a.m where they're on a train on their way into work you know right well we were thinking about drinking when we were in ireland and i it was two in the afternoon till five in the afternoon was our our time slot and i thought i don't know if're going to be any good.
It'd be funny with, you know, Fritzie doesn't drink and Marvin doesn't drink, but Seton and I are experienced and Pauly's kind of sneaky, but sometimes it makes you wonder how funny you think you are when you are drunk to then go, would I subject my audience to something like that where we're, you know, doing shots and having Guinness? Yeah. Not as funny as you think, I think, is the answer.
Well, didn't Eckersley stop drinking because he saw a video of himself when he was drunk, and then that sobered him up that he never had a drink after that. That's good self-awareness.
Yes. It probably would have been funny to do it one time in ireland you know yeah yeah well maybe next year when we go back we'll do that okay um well thank you dan always great having you on really love uh having you be a guest of this show and uh good luck with the next four years four years for everyone to get their gifts ready it is you um the most you've you've sucked your own dick so hard that you're going to do a four-year retirement tour.

Yeah.

Something like that.

So it's still.

It's 20% off.

Yeah.

Roback.com.

Yep. Okay.

Okay.

Just for you.

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Marvin's not allowed to use it.

Just for you.

Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Just for you. Just you.
Yeah, just you. No, no, I know.
No, don't tie. Next thing you know, we're going to get a text from Roback, and they're going to be like, why are all these people in Connecticut buying it? And then we got a problem, so.
All right. Well, good luck with my anals, and thank you again, guys.
And great to talk to you again. All right.
Thanks, Dan. Rated T for Teen.
My name is Paul Heyman. Special counsel to Roman Reigns and the Bloodlines wise man.
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The return of promos plus intergender matches my gm goes multiplayer and more wwe 2k25 available now we're gonna before we do fire fest we did have an assignment for our darling jake and that was to watch the interview of larry sinclair's name the man who claims that he had sex with Barack Obama who went on Tucker Carlson. This started, if you missed the episode, Jason Whitlock had a Twitter space titled Does It Matter If Obama Is Gay? We made Jake join the Twitter space and send us the notes.
These are the pressing issues. So this is a follow-up.
Jake, you have your PowerPoint ready. Yes, I do.
Okay, everyone subscribe to YouTube. Yes.
You can follow along. How close are we to half a milli? 50,000.
Okay, let's get some subscriptions going. Oh, we're closer.
Oh, memes is looking mean at Hank right now. 17,000.
17,000. You were way off, Hank.
Apologize to memes. Okay, Jake.

Let's do it.

Give it to us. Yes.

Welcome to Sex,

Drugs,

Obama, the Larry Sinclair story.

Now, Jake, did you watch the whole video?

Yes. Okay.
How long was it? It was 41

minutes. What did you think?

Not the facts, your personal opinion of the broadcast.

It was ridiculous. I'll say that.
Well, no. you yeah you shouldn't be opinionating on this right well yes what i thought okay all right but yeah test what you're about to see until the last slide is all straight facts okay well facts according to this according to larry sinclair okay all right the uh tucker's set is awesome it is it looks very like do you think it's a or real? No, I think it's real.
I think it's in Maine. He looks like Ron Swanson hosting a show.
Yeah. I think he built that table himself.
I was staring at the creek a lot in the background. Okay.
All right, before we get started, let's set the stage. What is going on? Isn't this a sports podcast if you're joining us for the first time? It is, but you guys asked me to do this.
Yes. Why? This feels like you're just trying to...
No idea. I was actually very confused on what was going on, so that's helpful.
This feels like set the stage. Jake is basically just being like, for any future employer, look at the first slide.
I was coerced into doing this. Yeah, okay.
No, because I do what you guys say, unless it's the Ray Allen. That would be great if Jake went on Tucker and was like, the tell all of pardon my take.
They made me do tip. Yeah.
Okay. No, I, because I do what you guys say, unless it's the round.
That would be great if Jake went on Tucker and was like the tell all of part of my take. They made me do dip.
They made me eat hot dogs in an hour. I had to dress up like a woman and they made me search the depths of hell to see if Obama's gay.
Yeah. So who is Larry Sinclair? He encountered Barack Obama.
Oh, wait, wait. Allegedly.
Allegedly. Come on, Jake.
He allegedly encountered Barack Obama. Allegedly used cocaine with him.
Yeah, and he currently lives in Mexico. Huh.
Okay. Okay.
Alright, we're setting the stage for how they met. So he was in Chicago.
This is all alleged. Allegedly.
Which is Obama's home state of Illinois in 1999 for his godson's graduation.

Larry.

That already feels bullshit.

That he was here?

No, for a godson's graduation?

Yeah.

Also, he said pretty much my godson.

Oh, it's falling apart.

It's falling apart.

I don't believe this guy.

That literally should have been the end of the interview.

Like, what do you mean pretty much a godson?

He said pretty much or basically. I don't know that much about godson.
But I'm sure that there's a hard and fast line as to whether or not somebody is your actual godson. Frank the Tank has a godbrother.
Isn't it like if it's your... He does.
He has a godbrother. If you have a godson, that means that if something happens to the parents, then you have to take over that child.
Correct. Correct.
So there's no pretty much. There's no pretty much.
If you were, in fact, their godparent, then the real parents would be very upset to hear you say that. This feels already bullshit.
Okay. So Larry hired a limo service, asked the driver.
For his god? Pretty much godson's graduation? Just for himself to go out and explore Chicago. So he has DUIs.
Multiple? I mean, why else would you hire a limo service? Why would you just get in a cab? Yeah, so he hired a limo service. The driver pulled up at a bar and then got out of the limo.
There was this guy introduced to him by the limo driver as Barack Obama. So that's interesting because Obama at the time was a state senator, which, by the way, he only got that position because Ditka decided not to run against him, which Dicker regrets to this day.
He's like Mark Wahlberg. So this guy in the limo was like, oh, you want to meet people in Chicago? Let me take you to a bar and introduce you to a state senator.
That's where we're at? Okay. So this is their first interaction.
Got it. There was a hunt for coke.
Oh, wow. Jake, did you make this slide? Did you look up cocaine use? Yeah yeah i think that's actually jake in the thumbnail doing cocaine so they were having drinks in the bar and sinclair jake did ask if cocaine makes you pee a lot uh i didn't but i didn't know yeah you did oh you did asset yeah i did you did asset yeah oh yeah i'm going with bits now what turned the corner the corner.
You asked that question. I did.

When we went to the bathroom in.

Oh, yes.

Yes, I actually did.

Detroit.

Yeah.

I might have said, wow, this bathroom looks like a perfect place to go in.

Yes.

And then Jake said, what does cocaine make you pee a lot?

I was like, oh, God.

Yeah.

So Larry asked Obama, allegedly, he could use something to wake up.

And Obama immediately knew what to do.

They then left the bar.

This is the biggest lie story of all time.

They then left the bar to get cocaine.

Obama secured it.

Sinclair put a line on a CD tray to snort in the limo.

And Obama pulled out a pipe to smoke out of.

Larry said, some people smoke. Some people snort.
So Obama then started to crack in front of him. And this is, all right, again, this is a state senator and he meets a random stranger who says, man, I'm tired.
And then he's just like, I got you. Let's be fair.
Sinclair pulled up in a limousine, okay? So it's not like this was some nobody that was flying in. Obama was probably like, oh, this guy's legit.
Yeah. So they secured the drugs.
Now we move on to the sex part. Oh, step two.
Will sex happen? Question mark. Sinclair started rubbing his hand on Obama's thigh to see where it was going.
And it went the direction that Larry intended to go. Sinclair says he performed oral sex on Obama in the limbo.
And he said it definitely wasn't Barack's first time. That much.
How would you know? He just felt certain. He was really good at getting head.
Very comfortable with it. So it will embrace debate.
Would you say that Obama's gay if he just got a blowjob? Well, yeah, if you just state it like that. If you close your eyes and you're like, maybe the 60-year-old guy is actually a hot chick.
Yeah. Okay.
All right. So this is what happened on their first night.
The next day. Wait, that looks photoshopped.
It is. Okay.
I just Googled Sinclair Obama. It's so blatantly photoshopped.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
Apparently, Obama showed up at Sinclair's hotel room the next day with no warning because he wanted to run it back. He wanted to get more head.
So back to back. What a quote.
You're not going to believe this. I blew this guy twice.
Yeah. Sinclair said that to his friends when he saw Obama in 2004 when he was watching the Democratic Convention.
When we're watching football, we're like, hey, blah, blah, blah. PFT, you're not going to believe this.

Yeah.

I believe that guy.

Why would he ask for some reciprocation?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Good point.

Yeah.

So that's what happened the next day.

Tucker Carlson, you can be critical if you want, but he actually was a very good journalist

here.

He asked, what was Obama like on crack?

Okay.

And Sinclair said, calm, almost euphoric, pretty controlled and talkative, talkative but not really saying anything i mean that contradicts each other that's a pretty good description of obama in general yeah but that doesn't they then said tucker was like kind of like his presidency oh yeah that kind of okay all right yeah and then uh that's not what a person on crack looks like but yeah okay yeah uh it's like larry sinclair's like yeah the boobs so like sinclair apparently put this whole what he said on tucker was apparently on youtube in 2008 youtube took it down and he claims that youtube gave away his account and his microsoft email to where he said microsoft gave away access to his email and vacation replies were busy telling people that he was quote busy giving blowjobs and i'll get back to you when he's done that was the auto reply so it's kind of like a ps5 message okay microsoft gave access to his email and vacation replies were busy saying i'm busy giving blowjobs that definitely sounds like something a microsoft would do yeah just a random guy so let's take his email and joke on him jake i did do some research some research into this on my own when I found out that this guy was going to be on Tucker. He said this actually for the first time in 2004.
2004. 2004 is when he said it.
He gave like a big speech at the Washington Press Club. And he failed to polygraph.
He failed to polygraph. Also, he's been convicted a couple times before.
We'll get to that. Okay.
All right. But he did make these statements like in 2004 okay well he claims that microsoft gave away his account and people were i think it'd be funny if there was a guy that looked exactly like obama who was gay and probably had sex with i don't know like 500 guys coast to coast so there's a bunch of guys across america that think that they had sex with obama yeah that would be a great the story.
All right. Now, the drum roll.
The verdict. It's your verdict.
I don't believe him. Okay.
All right. Why? Well, as PFT mentioned, he's been in prison in three different states.
He has a specialty in crimes involving deceit. He's okay.
He's a serial liar. The record also indicates one of his prison sentences, jail sentences, were 16 years.
And there's many more details to his criminal background, but I'm not going to waste your time. Okay.
16 years for forgery seems like you were forging something pretty important. Catch me if you can.
And then our boss, Dave Portnoy, also chimes in on this topic earlier today on Twitter. And he's on my side.
Yeah. He doesn't agree with anything he's saying.
Yeah, he said, I met Larry Sinclair when I was doing

my Tucker thing a couple weeks ago. I would trust

Anna Delvey before I trusted anything. Larry Sinclair

said, top to bottom, maybe the least

trustworthy human I've ever laid eyes on. I'd

say his story has 0.0%

chance of being true.

I'm looking at the font there.

He definitely used the letter O

and then the number zero, which is

insane. Maybe that's

a good way of like, if Larry

Sinclair ever tries to sue Dave, he's like, well

I love sure. Believe the guy.
All right. And the end.
Well, until. I'm never doing this again unless Big Cat or PFT asked me.
Yeah, no, I was going to say this story is not over. I'm sure Jason Whitlock might have even a Twitter space tonight.
If anybody out there has had sex with Barack Obama, please email PMTintern at barstoolasports.com. Jake will investigate your claims thoroughly.
Yes. So there you have it.
Actually, Jake, if somebody actually claims that they had sex with Obama You have to interview them Yeah Yeah We should You should do a special report With Larry Sinclair Okay Okay Yeah So there you have it That's I hope that helps No not really Alright No no Not your fault Yeah It's just A liar went on TV And said a story I spent some time Putting it all together it helped in the fact that it confirmed that i did well i guess actually it did help because i don't have to watch the video now yeah i watched it on 2xb too just so we're being oh that is something you got to disclose before the report well i'm saying it now a little late a little late all right btm on your side i think it happened. I think Obama was hanging out at a bar.
A limo pulled up and he was like, well, let's be clear. I want you to give me some head.
I need something to wake up. That's it? Yeah.
And he took him right out of the bar. Damn.
What if he was like, I need something to wake up and Obama just pulled his cock out? Here you go. Here you go.
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Make plans to go out in Aberercrombie shop their newest arrivals in store and online uh all right let's finish up the show we got football this weekend firefest the week hank uh yeah i talked about the bachelor party last weekend in nashville took a lot out of me i was you know fighting fighting through this week very busy week a couple long days uh yesterday was in the office late going through advisors finished and wanton don was streaming trying to get to 500k subscribers on youtube i hopped on we were just shooting the shit one of those situations i kind of uh not forgot we were on a live stream but just wasn't you know my brain certainly wasn't on i was i was wiped i was about to go home but i just hopped in for a minute we started talking uh and he told me that cows and bulls are actually the same same species and that blew my mind and then everyone was roasting me on the internet for being really stupid shit yeah it's like the the bull is the male version of a cow yeah that i didn't know. Thank you.
I stand with Hank. Thank you, man.
You guys are idiots. How many times have you seen bulls and cows hanging out? A lot.
Where? I lived in Texas for like 10 years. All right.
I guess, again, it was dumb. It was a mistake.
Not a mistake. I'm just dumb.
Not a mistake. But it was live, and that was the mistake.
And I set myself up again. And I'll say you have diarrhea.
Wait till Hank finds out about roosters and chickens. Yeah.
Well, that was the example you used. That one I knew.
Oh, okay. Hen.
You knew that. So you're good.
It's in my name. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Henese. Okay.
You're not a world-educated smart person. No.
World-renowned. World-renowned smart person.
So that's fine. Learn something something new every day i'm sure there's people listening that are like wait bulls are the males and maybe maybe something like 14 year olds i don't think so yeah i thought there was male and female cows that saw me max you knew that no i did not know that i i think this is a a group thing thing that it's easy to you know talk shit after the fact but i think that that's a fun fact that i didn't i did not know that okay bulls are like aggressive cows are yeah because they didn't know either then with their guys i didn't know either all right yes all right you didn't either non-fire some people need to stand up i take it back i take it take it back.
Okay. Not a fire fest at all.

Okay.

Stricken from the record.

What's your fire fest?

All right, PFT.

My fire fest is I also had a good time last weekend.

I hopped out to Lake Tahoe for a weekend.

It was beautiful out there.

Awesome place.

Want to go back next year, maybe for the golf tournament.

But on my way out there, I was on vacation. It was a Friday afternoon.
So it was the weekend. And I started having a couple cocktails.
And one cocktail turned into two, turned into three, turned into four, turned into five on the plane. And how long is the flight? It wasn't that long.
It was maybe like three and a half hours, something. But I was mowing through them.
I can drink on a plane. That's where I'm in my God moment on a plane.
I could just suck them down. I'm like Larry Sinclair.
And so I had a bunch of cocktails and then I proceeded to brag on Twitter. I was like, not to brag, but I think I just set the world record for the amount of cocktails drank on a plane.
And then I get off the plane, get onto my connecting flight to go out to Tahoe. And I realized that I left my wallet on the plane as I'm in the air on my way to Lake Tahoe.
So I had to go to a place with casinos with no ID in my pocket. Still don't have my wallet with me.
Don't have my debit card. Don't have any of my IDs.
Don't have anything like that. I'm waiting to get it shipped back from the airline still hasn't arrived and then I'm getting on another plane tomorrow to fly and so uh yeah I've just been without I've been sans wallet for the last week you have a passport though I do have a passport so I'll be able to I mean thank you for reminding me I need to pack that tonight yes because I don't think that they'll let me fly to South Carolina for the pop punk concert at USC plug God plug.
Plug God. But yeah, I've just been without a wallet all week.

We've made it like a bad thing for us to plug shit.

God forbid I promote the company.

No.

We've just bullied ourselves into being like, let's never promote anything we're doing.

Yeah.

But I am going to be at Bojangles playing with pop punk on Friday night at 9 p.m.

There's a bus.

There's a shuttle that's taking people out there. Come see us.
I won't have my wallet, though. Will they be serving food during the set? You know, that's a good question.
I would imagine that they're going to have food. It's Bojangles, after all.
And just for... Will there be people walking in, just going to get a number three? I don't know.
A Pup Punk player? I hope it's like that viral video of the punk band playing in Denny's. What does he say? That video rocks.
Let's fucking go, Denny's. Yeah.
Yeah, that's what we're going to be doing. And just for anyone who's going out there, have a great time.
If you're feeling tired at all, PFT will let you suck his dick. I will.
Yeah, that's a fact. That's a fact.
You guys on the Yak have the Kiss coin. I've got the suck dollar.
So if you just give me my- All you're going to do is yawn. If you give me my suck dollar, then it's all- You're allowed to suck his dick.
Well allowed to well you have to show up in a limo yeah if you show up in a limo and you have to have a pretty much godson yep yeah uh all right i my fire is a pre-fire fest i football's all the way back and i am just realizing like how much my uh mood and happiness goes along with my teams because i do think the badgers are, might be in trouble going to Washington state on Saturday night. And then the bears Packers, we already talked about how significant this feels.
And I lose both. I've had that thought in my head, like, Oh yeah, you're a loser.
You like, you have a great life. You have a great family, all these things, but yet you still let the outcome of a football game affect how you are going to feel for an entire week.
And I had that epiphany this morning, and there's nothing I can do about it. Never give it up, though.
Yeah. If I go on two, it's going to be sad boy season.
Never give it up. Coming Sunday and Monday.
Never give it up. Yeah.
It's a pre-Firefest. Just more of like a maybe I should try to figure out a way to emotionally be able to handle things better, but I don't think that would ever happen.
Imagine how bad the show would be if we emotionally handled things well. No, it would be terrible.
Can you imagine Hank just being able to be like, well, Patriots aren't very good this season, whatever. I'll just bet on the Cowboys.
It would make the show awful if he did that, hypothetically. It would be like when the Heat and the Panthers lost in the finals for Jake.
Yeah. And he was like, Oh, it was a good run.

It was a good run.

Yeah.

See,

see,

we don't want that.

We don't want to be emotionally.

If the Bears lose to the Packers,

I'm like,

well,

I liked a lot of the things that we saw.

Yeah.

Well,

here's the thing.

Like,

I know I'm a loser for not being a diehard fan,

but I can walk in on Sunday with you guys.

No,

no matter what,

it's going to be a great day.

See,

yeah,

that's that.

I truly feel that way.

No,

but you know what?

Like Max loses the Superbowl. He comes on the show and he just, he's got the thousand yard stare.
It looks like. See, yeah.
I truly feel that way. No, but you know what? Max loses the Super Bowl.
He comes on the show, and he's got the thousand-yard stare. He just gets battered.
A lobotomy. Yeah.
How did we get here? It was great. We're using you as a great example, Max.
You're the perfect example for sad sports fandom. Okay, Jake, finish this off.
Yeah, the other day, I was on my way to the office. I was taking the bus here the cta i was running to catch the bus and i strained my quad oh no damn then i played wait and it hurt and you don't can you get the ada apartment back honestly i mean you might need it i'm fine walking it's just running sometimes it hurts what noise did you make running sometimes how often are you running to catch the bus and playing tennis and pickleball okay so then stop playing tennis and pickleball well we'll see also like if i get an injury that's like i can't run oh no yeah nothing in my life will change like unfortunately i can't run the 5k but i'm still going to show up and support the cause how do you know you might be feeling you might be feeling good by saturday yeah it might be by the way that's going to be a great pm tv so max is going to show up and support the cause.
How do you know? You might be feeling good by Saturday. Yeah, I might be.

By the way, that's going to be a great PMTV.

So Max is going to run the 5K on Saturday.

Maybe I could still run it.

Under 33 minutes and he gets five grand for me and five grand for PFT donated to Paws.

Are you running it?

I got to help film.

Yeah.

I got to help film.

I got to go to Tuscaloosa.

You definitely didn't spray in your leg.

You just don't want to run the 5K. Yeah.
No. one asked you to help film.
Why don't you get it out? I'll help with whatever. No, we don't need to help running.
I actually do. I actually think you can beat Max with a sprained quad.
Every person who runs saves a dog's life. I'm running.
Oh, there we go. I'm going.
Just be his pacer. Okay, I'll run with Max.
Yeah, run with Max. Just do the pacing.
That would actually be very funny for the video. Done.
If you have the pace and you keep them, you're like, all right, Max, you've got to pace it up. Just be his hype guy.
Yeah. Dude, 33 minutes, you can walk some of that.
I'm going to walk a lot of it. All right, Max, let's do it.
You can't walk a lot of it. I'm going.
Positive vibes only. You can walk probably three minutes.
Yeah. If you walk fast, you could do this.
A light, light jog should be able to do it. I can't jog that long.
Okay. Have you trained? I also have strep.
I might have strep throat. What? Dude, Max, you can't get us sick at the start of football season.
Everyone subscribe to the part that might take YouTube. We won't release the Max running video until we get to 500,000.
And also the golf videos are dropping. When are they coming out, Max? Yeah, golf is next week.
Okay, so yeah, we won't release the 5K run. What about the Ryder Cup? When is that coming out, Max? The week after.
Until 500500,000. Let's get half a milli.
Everyone subscribe. Smash that subscribe.
Everyone subscribe. Just subscribe.
So many people listen. Subscribe.
Yeah, I know. There's someone listening right now who watches it and isn't subscribed.
Yeah, that's crazy. You know what? Lead from the front.
You're not subscribed. No, but I'm going to do it right now.
This is crazy. Lead from the front.
This is insane. Lead from the front.
Here's what we're going to do. I'm definitely subscribed.
I don't subscribe to anything on YouTube. Yeah, I've been subscribed.
I'm going to do it right now. Lead from the front.
This is insane. Lead from the front.

Here's what we're going to do.

I'm definitely subscribed.

I don't subscribe to anything.

I've been subscribed for a long time.

I let the algorithm tell me what.

No, I'm subscribed.

Okay, let's see.

Pardon my take.

I've been subscribed.

Yeah, let's go, people.

Pardon my take.

Subscribed.

We're 20K away?

We have four.

Subscribed.

All right, let's go. Also also I lost my blue check mark temporarily

oh what'd you do

I gave my profile a makeover and they put you through like

a review period

that was a low point for me reading that makeover

a makeover? why? what'd you put?

it was just like new twitter bio

like new profile

yeah I'm gonna look at it

initial reaction

but you went from a picture in a suit

Thank you. It was just like new Twitter bio, like new profile.
Yeah. I'm going to look at it.
All right. Yeah.
Initial reaction. Did you like it? But you went from a picture in a suit to a picture in a suit.
It's more updated. You're the teacher coming in every day with the same outfit.
It's a year later. It's a barstool picture.
Jake Marsh, part of my Take podcast, play-by-play broadcaster, Q's alum, golf, pickleball, tennis. No football? Can we get Mr.
Positions in there? No. Why? You aren't Mr.
Positions. Someone recommended Plug God.
Oh. Mr.
Positions is better, though. No one will know what that means.
It's true. Yeah.
Could mean anything. We'll see.
Okay. Great show, boys.
Can't wait for football. Football's back.
Everyone tune in. Stream.
Sunday, we'll be streaming for the entirety of the first slate and second slate. And then we'll be doing boomers on Monday.
Next time you hear us. What? What? What? There.
Oh, numbers. Numbers.
Numbers. Three.
You ever gotten this, memes? 30.

No, you have never gotten this?

20 memes has won.

Oh, 69.

97.

Love you guys. I don't know what I'm saying, I'd say it anyway Today's another day to find you Shine away, I'll be coming for your lover Shine away, I'll be coming for your lover I need less to see Watch your hands I keep stumbling away It's love in the new bodies, okay Say after me Like so bad you can see the time Say after me Thank you.
I'll be good.

Now you are my silhouette.

I'll be good. I'll be good.

I'll be good.