Joe Buck, Brian Harman Pissed Off All Of England, Mt Rushmore of Blue Things + Monday Reading

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I mean, where else can you pair wall-to-wall hoops with hard-to-find whiskey? Only at Twin Peaks, the number one sports bar. On today's Pardon My Take, we have our good friend Joe Buck back on the show.
Awesome interview with Joe. It had been too long, and we picked up like we had not missed a beat.
I told him this in the interview. He is part of the fabric of Pardon My Take.
You can't tell the story of Pardon My Take without Joe Buck.

He's that important to us.

So it was a great interview with him.

He's also become a little bit too likable recently, so we put him in his place.

Yeah, exactly.

So we sucked his dick, and then we took it away.

But we also have the Open Championship.

Brian Harmon wins.

We're going to talk about that.

What else happened over the weekend in the

sports world. We have a Monday reading

a who's back.

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exclusions. Okay Okay let's go.
It's part of my take. It's part of my take.
It's about martial sports. Welcome to part of my take It's in about martial sports Welcome to part of my take Today is Monday, July 24th And the boys are back together Let's go boys I have made the move Officially, we are all in Chicago Well, actually not all of us But the big four BFD, Hank, and Jake Max is pretty big Max is huge, very large not all of us, but the big four.
BFD, Hank, and Jake. Max is pretty big.
Max is huge. Very large.
Huge part of the show. But it's good.
We made it through the summer of Zooms. So thank you to all the award-winning listeners.
We knew that there was times where it sucked because it's never as good when we're apart. Yeah.
We can't riff and we can't be together and chop it up. We like to see the pain in Hank's eyes when we bust his balls.
Yeah. It's good.
Actually, I'll say this. Hank's sarcastic body language and the disrespectful faces that he makes when we're making fun of him, they don't hit the same over zone.
They don't because he can zone out and you know he mutes his mic and he just is watching golf swing tips while we try to do the show. We're just thinking about golf.
Now we have- The monologue is just- It's like a monkey dressed up in a scally cap. Golf.
Swinging a golf golf. It's just a mini Hank just being like, golf.
You should be golfing right now, Hank. Golf.
Golf. But yeah, we're back together.
It feels good. And speaking of golf- Oh, wait.
What was that face? What the fuck? Oh, you got me thinking about golf now. I should go.
Oh, you weren't already? It's our fault. You weren't already? We're making Hank take more time off work.
Yes, life-life balance. But, yes, the Open Championship was the sporting event of the weekend.
Brian Harmon, shout out to all the short kings. Yeah, 5'7", bitch.
Him getting out of that SUV. I can't speak.
I also should just say I moved today. I'm on hour like 18.
My brain is mush. But yes, getting out of that SUV, he looked like a mini Brian Harmon.
It's almost like he needed the steps that you have for a dog to get up into a high car for him to step out of that. He's 5'7".
He's 155 pounds. He's right-handed, but he plays left-handed.
Love it. He's the Ben Simmons of golf.
He also, that SUV clip when he popped out, I think that's going to be the new, when you go interview at an accounting firm or Wall Street, and they're like, how many Brian Harmons could fit in an Escalade? Yeah like that's that's what they're gonna ask because well he's not a lot you're not allowed to ride up front so that takes away at least three of them yeah he needs a booster seat but yes uh i had no thoughts about brian harman going into this tournament rigs did say top lefty uh which some would say is a coward's pick because he won the whole thing. But either way, he did put us on to Brian Harmon in that respect.
I had no thoughts about him. I ended up the tournament being like, I hate watching this guy because of the waggle.
But the fact that he pissed off England so much made me a Brian Harmon fan. Yeah.
I mean, he's 5'7". Again, he's a small guy.
As Kyle Long says, friend of the show, he plays beneath the wind, which is important, the opposite of your Bubba Watsons. Yep.
He was kind of, to be honest, kind of a boring champion, right? Like, we don't know that much about that. And he beat everyone by so much.
He beat everyone by so much. No drama.
Yeah. The entire tournament was over, it felt like, Saturday morning at like 6 a.m.
When he started to tune in, it's like, okay, well, nobody's going to catch this guy. You thought maybe Fleetwood would have a little run, and Rahm went on a little run on Saturday.
Shuffler played great today, but it was so far out of reach that all we can do is say congrats to Max Homa for finishing in the top 10 of a major in the first time in his entire career. That is the fifth major for Max.
He crushed it. He crushed it.
Yeah, but it was. Brian Harmon was just better than everyone, more consistent than everyone.
I think he broke the record in the British Open Open Championship for least amount of putts. Yeah.
He had 106. He made 58 out of 59 putts from within 10 feet.
Yeah, he made every single one within five, and he went 13 for 14 within 10. So when we play, we play Brian Harmon rules.

It's like if it's within 10 feet, I'm as good as Brian Harmon.

Pick it up.

Every 14th you can say I have to two-putt it.

Yeah, well, then you'll miss by like 10 feet long

and then you have to come back and two-putt all the way back.

He also had, I think, six bogeys for the entire weekend

and four out of the six times he birdied the next hole.

So Mr. Consistency doesn't hit it a million miles because he's pretty short and just doesn't have that power.
Well, some people – Rory's short. Rory is short, but he's got that power.
Blocky had that power. Listen, Rory Loki – If Blocky had that power, it would have been his tournament.
Rory Loki has a dump on him. Okay, can we talk about Rory real quick? Yeah.
I'm off Rory. Okay.
Officially. All right.
I'm officially off Rory. Now it's going to be 10 years going into next season, right? It's been 10 years.
He'll never win a major championship. His answer pissed me off.
So someone asked him after, said, you're going into your 10th year now without a major. Is that just what negative people like me think, or do you not think that way? And he said, I don't think that way way i think about trying to go and win a fourth fedex uh here in a couple weeks go try and win a fifth race to dubai go and win a fifth rider cup i just keep looking forward that my friends is loser talk fedex cup means nothing nothing it's your just you are money it means your legacy is defined by majors And that's20 million.
Your legacy is defined by majors, and that's all that matters. His legacy is defined by us, which is defined by majors.
That's Carmelo talking about his gold medals as if it's a big accomplishment. I like Rory.
He's a nice guy, but I saw that quote, and I was like, he's just giving up. That's pathetic.
Majors, ask any golfer, majors are all that matters.

Like, that's a fact.

I would like it if Rory just said, I'm just thinking about the Ryder Cup.

Because then I start to get amped up about the Ryder Cup.

The FedEx thing, who gives a shit?

What's the other one?

The Race to Dubai?

Race to Dubai.

That's all.

Listen, I wake up in the morning every day thinking about the Race to Dubai.

I'm like, who's going to win the Race to Dubai?

Is it going to be Rory or is it going to be somebody else who's also competing in the race to Dubai? Is it a literal race? Like, are they racing cars to Dubai? It's a golf cart. Okay.
Everyone gets a golf cart. You get a golf cart, you start in Liverpool, and then you have to figure out how to get that golf cart to Dubai.
He should have just gone full LeBron. Remember when LeBron cracked and was like, I'm richer than all of you.
Yeah. And I don't care what you think.
That's also acceptable. Yes.
I would have accepted that as an answer. Not the race to Dubai is what I'm worried about.
I think Rory can care about the like 10 year gap that I haven't been able to win a major. I think Rory can kiss his legacy Dubai.
Yeah. That's what I think.
Bang. Suck it, Rory.
You know what I love about the Open is how all the fans there, if you attend an Open Championship, first of all, you've got to be prepared to stand out in the worst weather known to man. And second of all, you get hit by so many golf balls.
Yeah. The patrons get hit by way more golf balls at an Open Championship than any other tournament because the fairways are so fucked up and narrow.
Yeah. I think sometimes they don't even know they're standing in the middle of a fairway, but they don't really realize it yet and then just golf balls start drilling them i feel like every golf shot that does not land in a clean nice patch of grass ends up bouncing off somebody yeah and it's i i like uh the open just because the course like every course should have the bunkers that that england has because when you hit it in a bunker punitive.
You should be fucked. You should be totally fucked.
Yeah. And that's what happens in these.
I want pop bunkers in every golf course. Like, that's – everything is harder, and I like that.
But, yeah, Brian Harmon, he channeled Kirby Smart. He had a quote.
What was it? It was something that he was, like, he was in the shit last Kirby Smart inside a locker room before the game screaming at people. Don't get hunting.
I was I was I was a wreck last night. This Brian Harmon.
I was a wreck last night. This is talking about Saturday night, by the way, when he's got like what do you have of six stroke lead five or six five or six.
I was a wreck last night. i've been a wreck the whole week but i kept thinking about something kirby smart said i'm not going to be hunted i'm gonna hunt which is the most cliche college football how do i get these 18 year olds like pumped up to go beat the shit out of vanderbilt in week four speech ever but brian harman channeled it and won the open championship I wonder if he was just smashing shit in his hotel room like Kirby does in a pregame speech he's getting amped up he seems kind of low-key he also uh the the English so the fans were giving him the business they didn't like because they had Fleetwood and and Rory McIlroy like kind of hovering so obviously they're rooting for the hometown guys.
No problem for that. Rory's from Northern Ireland.
Don't correct me. I know that.
But the fans were giving him the business. They also, the British press was giving him this.
This is when I turned into a Brian Harmon fan because it felt personal. It felt like a U.S.
versus England situation. They wrote this about Brian Harmon, who is a hunter, actually a hunter.
Uh, he said they wrote in one of the more bizarre major press conference departures of recent times. The 36 year old explained his penchant for killing animals.
He missed the cut at the masters and immediately slaughtered a pig and a turkey that rocks. I've been a hunter my entire life.
He boasted. I enjoy the strategy of it.
We eat a lot of of wild meat at my house So I enjoy butchering and I do a lot of hunting Champions traditionally Drink from the claret jug One is left to ponder What on earth Harmon may do With the famous trophy He's going to go pheasant hunting What does that mean He's going to go elk hunting on the king's land And kill one of the royal stags And they're going to kill him? No. Listen, he's going to fill it up.
He's from Georgia, right? Yeah, he's going to fill it with beer. Moonshine.
Yeah. He's going to drink some moonshine out of the clear jug and good for him.
If he gets crazy, he might have put a peach cobbler in it. British people, they try to act like they're above hunting over there.
Do you know how they hunt in England? It's way worse than the United States. In England, when you go on a hunt, you have to buy a license, and you use foxes to go out there and then chase – or sorry, you get hounds to go chase the foxes, and you get these hounds to, like, rip the foxes limb from limb.
Right. And then you come in, and then you shoot them with, like, a gun or a bow and arrow at the last minute.
It's way worse, way worse. If Brian Harmon is actually a bow hunter, which – Badass.
That rocks. Yeah.
Like, that actually – it seems a little bit more, you know, even playing field when you're bow hunting versus shooting a deer with like a military grade scope and sniper rifle. I just, when I saw that, I was like, fuck this.
Fuck England. I want him to win.
I want him to be boring, short, all these things, right in your fucking face. And he did it.
So I don't think I'm a Brian Harmon fan. I think I'm just a fan of the fact that he won that in their face, in Fleetwood McElroy's face, and also won it and made it so boring how he won it.
He was kicking ass. Yeah, I mean, it's good to see an American win the Open.
Yeah. I just like it.
It makes people squirm. I also...
Did you see what he does to practice his putting? How he got so good at putting recently? Oh, his moonship or spaceship putter that's enormous. Well, he's got the moonship putter, but he also bought one of those goofy golf gadgets for like 50 bucks.
The ones that you see in infomercials where it's like a mirror that you practice your putting on.

And so anybody can buy it.

And he says that he's had it for years.

And I'm a big fan of the junk science golf gadgets.

And you can find one for anything.

They've got like golf balls

that dangle off your nose

that teach you to keep your head straight.

They've got all these sticks

that people bring out onto the range

and God knows where they put them

when they're trying to work

on certain elements of the swing.

He just bought like this putter thing

that's got a mirror

where you can watch the blade of your putter

go over it to make sure that it's straight.

He's like, yeah, I paid 50 bucks

Thank you. is where they put them when they're trying to work on certain elements of the swing.
He just bought this putter thing that's got a mirror where you can watch the blade of your putter go over it

to make sure that it's straight.

He's like, yeah, I paid 50 bucks for this thing,

and now I'm the best putter in the world.

It's the best.

I think we have to.

They don't sell those in England.

They don't sell these crazy infomercials.

I doubt England even has infomercials.

Yeah.

We have somehow talked ourselves into being Brian Harmon fans.

The last thing I had about him was his title sponsor, Megacorp. Yeah, who knows what that is? It's a freighting company.
I looked it up. It was like, this sounds badass, but I'll just say this, Megacorp.
You do more than freighting. There's no way.
That's the coolest name for a company ever, Megacorp. I saw Megacorp, and I was like, this is a company that Superman is trying to stop from taking over the world.
Yeah, I think Megacorp probably is a little upset they got this much publicity because people are going to be on to them now. Yeah.
Like, you don't name a company Megacorp and just drive some trucks around. If you're Megacorp, there's a reason why you don't sponsor a Brooks Koepka or a Rory McIlroy or a Tiger Woods, you're trying to fly into

the radar a little bit.

Megacorp.

They're freighting, huh?

Yeah.

I wonder what they ship.

They had to wash some of their money with Brian Harmon sponsorship.

This sounds like, yeah, El Chapo was also into shipping and freighting.

Yeah.

I would like to work for Megacorp.

I'll say it right now.

Megacorp sounds like the cool...

Imagine handing your business card to someone and it says your name, Megacorp. Does it have the world on it? VP of Megacorp.
Does it have, like, a picture of the earth? Like, Megacorp Global? I just. If you name your company Megacorp, at some point in the history of your company, you will try to destroy the earth.
Yeah, and I'm saying all this. I'm somewhat bashing Megacorp, and it's 100% from a place of jealousy because whatever guy decided to call it Megacorp, that guy rocks.
That's a total dude's rock moment. They were probably drunk as fuck.
Yeah, it sounds like cocaine. Probably cocaine.
What if we call our company Megacorp? What are we going to do? We're going to be fucking mega? Yeah. We're going to take over the world? Yeah.
We're a fucking mega world corporation? Oh, wait it that's sick a light bulb goes off so whoever created megacorp you i tip my cap to you because you guys are doing something right you got to megacorp before anyone else could i feel like the uh the finance department like the cfo of megacorp is really really scared right now because he's he's got some tax evasion schemes that have not even sniffed the light of day yet. And now people are going to be looking into him.
He's got a whole room of shady guys. They're just cooking the books.
I assume that Megacorp, all their meetings, they just sit there and they're like, what if we just do it mega? Which actually sounds like Barstool Sports, but whatever. Yeah.
Mega. Let's go mega.
Megacorp. Megacorp.
Logistics. Yes.
Well, all right. So we're doing this in sales.
What if we just made it mega? Yeah. Megacorp.
So when you search for Megacorp on Google, the first thing that comes up is Megacorp Logistics, their website, and then it has about us, and then the second thing is professional golfer Brian Harmon. Yes.
They essentially just serve to fund Brian Harmon's career. Yeah.
Megacorp. I'd be so mad if the Megacorp CEO isn't killing all types of fucking crazy big game hunting in Africa.
Megacorp's got to be doing everything as large as possible. Megacorp go to the moon i trust megacorp to go to the moon or to mars before spacex we strive to offer the best to our clients transportation partners and employees it's the mega way yeah that's awesome megacorp i i think we should just get mega we should get mega with it we i i think we should honestly be like we will stop doing this podcast if they gave us jobs at megacorp i'm mega i are you mega to just be like yeah i work at megacorp what do you do yeah oh yeah if you work for the cia well i work for megacorp if you're applying for a home loan you just have to write down megacorp under employer and then the rest takes care of itself don't ask all right all right sir enough said here's your house and no no like actual thought into the logo or anything it literally was just a hat that said megacorp i thought at first it was a joke they spent all their money on the name yeah if it felt like a joke like put your ad here like brian harman can't get any advertising so he's like look this could be you megacorporp.
And then I Googled it. I was like, shit.

Genuine mega.

Yeah.

These guys are fucking killing it.

That's the catchphrase.

They're absolutely killing it.

Dude, let's get mega with it.

I want, I want, Megacorp, come do some ad deals with us.

We got some mega segments.

We got a mega interview with Joe Buck.

We have a mega, mega, mega.

Grit Week is going to be so.

Grit Week.

Megacorp should let us fucking do Grit Week out of the back of one of their 18 wheelers we should just call it grit week mega yeah or mega grit yeah mega grit oh i think that's it i think it's mega mega grit this is the mega yeah mega grit okay yeah uh yeah so brian harman megacorp way to go dude he uh we're gonna say the word mega like a million times over the next year i I had one last thing. Hypothetical.
Throwing it out there. Obviously, winning a major is major.
It's mega. But Brian Harmon, before this, basically had a dream life.
I didn't realize this because I'm not the most tuned in golf guy. He had made $30 million in his career.
He made the FedEx whatever it is is the thing that rory only cares about race to dubai yeah the race by the way the race to dubai is uh the road to european towards top spot and right now that makes that makes no sense just from like a a directional standpoint right now how do you get to be the king of europe by going to the middle east he has has 4,900 points. John Robbins is second with 2,600.
So he's like doubled them up. This would be like if Shohei was like, yeah, I got more important things getting in the playoffs.
I want to maybe do a rehab stint in AAA and hit for the cycle. Yeah.
Okay, dude. Awesome.
Rory's like, I'm concerned about the race to Dubai. He's saying that basically from Baghdad.
He's like okay go yeah bet y'all beat you yeah uh but wait what were we talking about oh brian harman brian harman had the perfect life because he made 30 million dollars playing golf he even said like this is you know finding something that you can lose time doing it is the key to being happy which you know that's why hank calls all. He just forgets that he has meetings and stuff.
He loses time. Either way, I'm an office.
You think there's a small part of him? That's like, ah, I kind of like being under the radar. Now people are going to start calling me short.
Expectations. And Megacorp.
Yeah. Expectation.
$30 million is a lot of money to make as a professional athlete and be completely anonymous. So what do you make today? Like $4 million? Yeah.
And he is obviously... What's the tax rate? Any state income tax in England? No.
That's why we went to war. That's why we left.
Yeah, good point. I don't think you have to claim any of that.
He did have the perfect life. And he probably won't become some big star.
But still, he had a completely anonymous life playing professional golf making a lot of money well in a situation like this you have you have a decision to make a legend forever yeah no he is it's like on that saturday you get a big lead you're either going to be known as an open champion which would be good but it does come with all those expectations or you will be known as a guy that absolutely choked away the open championship and that's and that's worse that's the only thing like it's a little bit worse finishing in in second place would have been great for him i'm sure he he would say like yeah i'm glad that i won but second place that that way you really do get to get away with never having to accomplish anything like special right it's just like i've got a great life i play golf i go to every university of georgia game that i can right and i'm a millionaire and nobody knows about yeah and i can just go hunt and just live my life but yeah that moment that saturday night when he's like well this could go one of two ways now and then he has to close his eyes and think of uh even shorter bull haircut man getting in his face grabbing his face mask and saying he's going to take away his scholarship and that's how he went and won the open championship yeah you think if you lived in brian harman's hometown before this tournament you was this small i don't know somewhere in georgia somebody walks you past his house it's like because i know about those small towns in georgia yeah you heard about those like macon try that in liverpool so somebody walks you past his house and says, that's Brian Harmon's house.

Your reaction is, oh, okay.

Yeah.

I guess he's probably a pretty good golfer.

Now it's like that's Brian Harmon's house.

Now people are like, how do I rob it?

Yeah.

How do I rob that place?

Well, then the guy in the back is like, no, dude, he works for Mega Corp.

You don't rob that house. There's actually mega security.

Yeah.

That Jason Aldean controversy was peak. Everyone's way too much online.
Yeah. Like what are people even debating? It was.
I love when I have been able to selectively, and it's more because I have other shit going on in my life, but selectively like stay a little bit above the controversies I have no interest in where I just read a little bit about it, but don't actually understand what people are arguing about. So you can kind of sit back and just laugh about the whole thing.
Jason Aldean was basically like, I want to kill everybody that I disagree with. Yeah.
And then a lot of people were like, hey, I disagree with him. You got a lot of people to kill now, Jason.
Yeah. You made a lot of work for yourself, buddy.
We got some guys in New Mexico who could make that for you. That was the other controversy I loved this week of people being like, there were no women in Oppenheimer.
Oh, there were women. People of color.
And then there was one person who had an entire thread about, which sucked, this whole story about how they took over the New Mexico land and pushed a bunch of farmers off the land and how history doesn't tell that. And it was horrific and it is horrific, but the bomb was killed a lot of people.
Like that was wait till you get to the end of the movie. And that, that, that part is pretty bad too.
Yeah, it was a, Op and Arm was very good. Not great.
It's funny. So me and Jake went golfing today.
Hank didn't come along cause he wasn't here, but you were talking about how much he golfed uh we played at this one course and i swear to god like seven people that we saw there came up to us and said oh yeah hank plays here and so hank's played up at this Chicago for a month and he's played at this course so much that every person that works there knows hank half the golfers that are up there are like yeah i've played with hank before shout out to harborside by the way i mean you can shout him out at least are we gonna are we gonna have a problem getting you back to Megacorp this fall no I've told you a minute okay I feel like I'm living in fucking yeah but I mean Brownhawk day but it's gonna be tough to get you back to Megacorp I'm ready we don't have an office you made so many friends at all these courses so again like where are we sitting right now is it my fault that I'm a friendly guy am i being am i being besmirched for being a friendly easygoing guy that you're dead they're like where i haven't seen hank in two weeks yeah call the cops get the marshal over here can i go off wednesday yeah you can go for any day you want you told me you're taking the whole summer off i'm just asking i'm we're getting we're inching closer to August. Like, at some point.
Once we have an office, I'll be there. This is like, you know what it is? PFT and I are in a relationship with Hank.
You just got here. And we sent him to real world.
And he calls us first night. He's like, I don't even like any of these chicks here.
It's fine. I won't cheat on you guys.
And then after a couple weeks, wait, he's not calling us anymore. And now I think we're in trouble.
Hank's made so new friends. I don't come back to reality.
I don't understand. The world is not real world.
I told you guys exactly what I was doing. You guys were like, yes, that makes so much sense.
You work so hard. You deserve to take a little bit of time off.
But you love being retired. You don't have an office, so you can't even go there, so it makes complete sense.
I'm just worried that... And then Hank's making so many friends.
I'm getting worried. I am.
You're making so many friends, though, Hank. You know so many more people than us now.
You just... You're out there.
I'm out. I'm out in the street.
Does anybody make you laugh like we do? Yeah, when you guys aren't being mean to me. They're chastising my entire livelihood.
All right, what else happened this weekend? We have an update on the running back situation. Oh, yes.
They had a Zoom call. So the running backs, they continue to radicalize themselves.
They got together via Zoom, which we all know that works really well when you're trying to do anything business-related. Cleveland Browns running back Nick Chubb confirmed Sunday he participated in the call, said Saquon Barkley, Derek Henry, and Christian McCaffrey were also in the meeting.
So, sorry, it wasn't called as a meeting. Josh Jacobs also took a part, a source told ESPN's Jeremy Fowler.
PFT, first report of the news, that's pro football talk, said the meeting was organized by Austin Eckler, who has been outspoken about running backs not being paid their true worth. And Nick Chubb said, right now there's really nothing we can do we kind of handcuffed with a situation we're the only position where our production hurts the most so if we go out and we run for 2 000 yards with so many carries the next year they're going to say you're probably worn down it's tough it hurts us at the end of the day so basically they got on a zoom call and they're like this sucks and then everyone was like this sucks and then they raise their hand somebody says there's really not a lot we can do about it and then everybody was like yeah this sucks yeah i i would be pissed if they basically we spent an entire week being like you know how bad it sucks to be a running back and then on top of that all the running backs said hey let's do a meeting yeah on zoom on a sunday shoot me in the head meeting listen that meeting could have been an email yeah it could have just been people saying this sucks yeah just a text message and then everybody emphasizes that oh damn that's all that's all you have to say it's all damn another one of our guys didn't get paid so we talked about it last week about how there should not be a franchise tag for the running back position but then i thought more about it and i actually talked to arian about it because arian has real life lived experience with a franchise tag and all that stuff there really shouldn't be a franchise tag in general yeah no that's the that's the only way they would never be able to do it just for running backs because all the other positions would be pissed but that's a nfl pa problem yes they have they have fucked it up because we've gone through this

when they threaten to strike.

People need football.

Yeah.

The show goes on.

It sucks.

There's violence when there's no football.

Ray Lewis told us that.

Ray Lewis did say that.

But yeah, no, the franchise tag should be gone.

And I started to think about the franchise tag

because it's something that's become so

just natural to talk about

and part of the game

and for all the capologists out there that start to work out, okay, here's who we need to cut here's who we need to pay we can tag this guy it becomes like part of the lore of talking about football but from a logical standpoint there's really no reason why the franchise tag should even be a thing at all you know it's either there should be no franchise tag or they should make the franchise tag not punitive to the cap, but you have to pay the person $50 million.

For any position.

Yeah, for any position.

$50 million flat, not punitive to the – so it's essentially like we can't figure out a deal.

We want you so bad.

Here's so much money that you won't be upset about it.

Tax-free.

Right.

Yeah, tax-free.

And then you have to also go mine some asteroids in outer space and save the world. Yeah, sure.
Tax-free. Whatever, it's tax-free.
But $50 million cash solves a lot of problems. Yeah.
But it's weird that there's a franchise tag. I don't really understand.
I think what the players should do, they should say, we'll let you test us for weed again if you can take the franchise tag away. No touchdown celebrations.
No touchdown celebrations. Yeah.
You remember that? Because the owners in the NFL, they pretend to care about all these different weird parts of the game, but they just do it so they can use it as a leverage chip in the negotiations. Do you think that Jerry Jones gave a fuck if any of his players smoked weed? I mean, he was the owner when Michael Irvin was on Dallas Cowboys.
They don't give a shit if the players smoked weed, but they pretended to care about it for like 20 years because they knew, okay, the players will give us something valuable if we take away the weed test. Right.
But still, players should just be like, okay, what about this? Give them the 18th game. Yeah.
18th game, no franchise tag. And a 19th game.
And a 19th game. Yeah yeah and there should be football every day no it really it does come down to the the nflpa just they they it's probably the weakest of like the entire professional sports we think about what the nba is able to do with their players union the only it's just it we need football the nflpa their only leverage is to threaten a strike but there's so many players on an nfl roster where yeah okay it's easy for a quarterback or like a highly paid pass rusher to strike but there's so many guys that are making like what five hundred thousand four hundred thousand non-guaranteed season to season and they're like well i really need to maximize the next four years of my life right so i'd like to spend one of those years playing football.
I empathize with the players because it sucks, but I also don't. I'm part of the problem because I need football.
You know what we should do? So badly. Go fund me for running backs.
Okay. But only NFL quarterbacks are allowed to contribute.
Didn't we do it for someone else? Maybe Brick Watch will do a small business to NFL running backs. That'd be nice.
Yeah.

We need to do something about this.

We should.

We need a GoFundMe for someone for scoring a touchdown, hypothetically.

Maybe it was a guess.

It was over the football season.

I'll have to look back.

I don't know, but we should just shame quarterbacks into doing a GoFundMe for the running backs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Shame is the most powerful motivator.

They should just stop blocking for the quarterbacks. DK Metcalf celebration fine.
Oh, that's what shame is the most powerful motivator. They should just stop blocking for the quarterbacks.

DK Metcalf celebration fine.

Oh, that's right.

So, yeah, he was.

We scored that week.

We dared him to do the Ole Miss lift your leg and piss dog celebration.

Yes.

From the Egg Bowl.

And if he had done that, then we were going to pay his fine.

But he didn't get a touchdown that week.

Also, just a side note. Fuck DK Metcalf.

And that interview he did where he's like, yeah, I eat one meal a week and then i have or one meal a day and then i have five bags of candy fuck you dude you shouldn't be able to look like that eating five bags of candy a day that's not fair that's not right yeah he's trolling dk's a troll but i bet you there's some guys who just have that type of metabolism genetics. What kind of bag of candy are we talking about? You gotta eat so much to be that big, I feel like.
I wouldn't know. Dude, Chad Otracinco just eats McDonald's every meal.
Chad Otracinco isn't fucking... He's still young, dude.
He's jacked up, yeah. Some guys just have God's gift.
It's not right. I can't wait for DK to get so fat when he's like 30 years old.
He's just gonna be a whale. He He's not, but yeah.
No, he will. He will.
He's going to stop running. He's like a greyhound.
Once they stop racing, they just want to lay on the couch, eat candy all day. By the way, if you guys want to get excited, it's the last week without football.
What? Hall of Fame game is next Thursday. Yeah, no, Jake, I love that sentence.
Yes. Ten days.

I don't want to know. That's Browns.
Ten days? Yeah. I don't want to bring up bad stuff.
Wait, Jake, that's more than. What? This is the last week without football.
This is the last. We're entering the last week without football.
But you just said this is. Oh, I thought you said this is last weekend without football.
No, no, no. This is last week.
Okay, football's back. I just imagine Hank reading because anyone on Twitter right now is doing the countdown, and I love them all.
My friend Stucky said seven weeks from now, right at this time, you'll be placing a wager on Sunday Night Football after barely escaping the first week of NFL and the full slate. I read that and I get so excited.
Hank reads that and he's like, it's over. Retirement is over.
Countdown to work. You just must hate that.
I get so excited when seven weeks is so doable. That's nothing.
I saw that today too. I was on the plane.
I was like, that's nothing yeah what the fuck you're you are like some golfing yeah there needs to be back to football shopping for guys back to school shopping for kids it really is the reverse of the the dread you would get as a as a kid in august when you'd be watching something on tv and all of a sudden like back to school shopping get your you know

pencils and your folders you're like fuck there's definitely like a college student sunday ticket deal like a few weeks leading up to the season oh yeah yeah yeah it's coming it's coming for sure there's uh if you listen to this episode of part of my take by the time it's over you will be two hours closer to football that's facts that's how time works that's facts okay What else?

Anything else for who's back?

Let's get into who's back.

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Hank, who's back of the week?

Who's back of the week is Messi.

Yeah.

Back big time.

Our guy.

It's my hometown team.

Jake's hometown team, Inter-Miami.

I fucking hate MLS team names.

Yeah.

Inter-Miami.

Although the pink gold nets are cool.

They are, no, listen, I love the entire aesthetic of Inter-Miami. I love entering Miami every time I go there.
But it's just the team names are stupid when it's like Inter-Miami, Real, Salt Lake. Yeah.
FC, Sporting, KC. Yeah.
Give me a fucking break. Yeah.
Messi is the GOAT. Yeah.
Hit a walk- off PK. That was sick.
That's basically a PK. It wasn't a PK.
It was neither a walk off nor a PK. It was a walk off goal with basically as time expired.
An added time. Yeah.
Yeah. Did they even line back up after maybe like just to start it? Yeah.
You have to kick off. Yeah.
And that poor guy who's laying underneath the wall was so funny. Oh, yeah.
They made a wall because everyone jumps. So there was a guy laying on the ground.
So he's just laying on the ground. His messy just puts a perfect ball into the top left corner.
And storybook. That guy's job is so funny, too, because his entire reason for being there is just to lie down and then maybe get hit by the ball if they kick it low.
Yeah, the best case scenario is he gets hit in the nuts and stops a goal. Hockey guy would never do that.
Yeah, Messi, though, he's the fucking best. He's the GOAT.
He is, and Beckham was there when he checked in. Yeah.
Just all the stars were out. Braun.
Brawny. Serena Williams.
Hugging him. I think Kim Kardashian was next to Serena.
Oh, Tom Brady was probably there too, huh? Yeah. Maybe.
I didn't see him there. I actually checked his stories.
He was probably with Kim K. I know I've shouted this guy out before.
We should go follow him, Trung Fan. He's on Twitter.
He does great threads about just random things, business, everything, sports. But I remember one that I read a few years ago about Messi that he wrote, how Messi is elite at walking.
He's the greatest walker of all time because he actually would get criticized for it, and they did a whole study about it. And he spends the first five minutes.
He's never, ever scored a goal in the first two minutes of a game.

He spends the first five minutes just walking around, just basically figuring out the weaknesses, weak points in the defense.

And a lot of times he'll be walking while everyone else is running, and his gravity, the way that the defense has to move around to him just walking, changes the whole scope of the game.

Thank you. while everyone else is running, and his gravity, the way that the defense has to move around to him just walking, changes the whole scope of the game.
He's an elite walker. Yeah, he walks with purpose.
And he's very efficient. He doesn't waste energy.
Yeah. So, Messi is the GOAT.
That was a sick moment. Even for soccer haters like you, Hank.
Can I nitpick Messi real quick? Yeah. Can we tuck in our shirt? No.

What are we doing here, Messi?

He just looks cool.

Try to show us.

It is the MLS.

Yeah, exactly.

He should have his shirt tucked in.

You don't have to tuck in for the MLS.

That's a fact.

Yeah, it's like a shitty golf course.

Yeah.

To put in Hank's terms.

I'm pretty sure they have to give those shirts back after the night so they can wash them.

They only get one.

Yeah.

It's like your mom being like, where's your jersey?

Right before the game.

Yeah.

I told you to put it in the laundry. Yeah.
They are sick uniforms, so I like the inner Miami look. Okay, good who's back.
My who's back of the week is the Houston Oilers. Yeah.
The Houston Oilers are back. The Tennessee Titans unveiled their throwback uniforms, and you might be saying, wait, Tennessee, they've only had a team for, what last uh 12 years 13 years and you'd be right so the throwbacks are actually the houston oilers uniforms which is very disrespectful to the city of houston yeah if i was a houstonite houstonian yeah i would be i would be so pissed off you should not be allowed to wear another if you go if you move your team to a different city take those colors.
I get that. But you can never actually put on the Houston Oilers uniform.
And they're iconic. You're neither Houston nor Oilers.
And they're iconic. They're great.
Will Levis does look nice in the jersey, though. Ryan Tannehill does not look tough.
Does not look tough in the jersey. They've worn those before, though.
Yeah, but it sucks. It sucks.
There's nothing about Tennessee that's oily except for the business. Yeah.
It's like the jazz, Utah jazz. Will Compton shits.
Yeah, very oily. Very oily.
Taylor Luan's hair. Yeah.
Very oily. These uniforms are incredible.
They're great uniforms. I mean, I love them.
Yeah. I love that we finally are getting back to some of these throwbacks.
I think the Eagles are finally doing Kelly Green. I think the Patriots are doing the blue ones, too.
They're wearing the blue and silver. They're wearing the Pat the Patriots.
Oh, you mean the middle ones? I think so. Not the Pat the Patriots.
No, they are wearing the Pat the Patriots. But he's talking about the 90s.
Oh, yeah, yeah. That was interesting.
The Scott Zolak era. Old jerseys, I don't know what it was, but something happened in the last 10 years where they've just dulled every jersey because they all kind of look the same.
And if you go back, the Bucs, all these jerseys just popped so much more. They were so unique and cool.
They are going to wear the Cream Skulls this year, which is going to be awesome. I want all of it.
I want all these. That should be – the Bucs should always wear their Cream Skulls.
Eagles should always wear Kelly Green. The Texans should get the Oilers.
The Seahawks throwbacks are awesome. Yeah, the Seawards should wear the powder blues every single day.
The Colts tried. They tried.
Oh, the Falcons should be always wearing the Deion Sanders. You guys are Colts fans, though.
We are Colts fans. Yeah, no, they tried.
I said they tried. That's the nicest way to put whatever the fuck those jerseys are.
Hang the banner up. We tried to redesign our logo.
And we failed. But we tried.
But yeah, I love throwbacks of any sort. I really do.
I feel for Houston on this one because it's just like kicking dirt in their face. The only way that the Titans should be allowed to wear these.
It's like, wear it to my face. Yeah.
They should have to wear those in Houston playing against the Texas. So the Texans get the chance to whoop their ass wearing those jerseys and then reclaim them.
Yeah. It should be a retirement match.
Yeah. Yeah.
All, all the way. I do love throwbacks forbacks for anything, though.
It's also crazy that we're getting into the throwbacks that I remember vividly people hating when they were real. Like the Pistons have worn their late 90s.
The one with the horse on it, the Grant Hill. Yeah.
The Grizzlies. People thought the Grizzlies jerseys were weird when they first came out, the Vancouver Grizzlies.

Now you look back and you're like, oh, those actually are sick.

Yeah, think about the ugliest styles that are out right now. In 20 years, your kids are going to be wearing those and they're going to think they look awesome.
Yeah, but at least they took chances in these throwbacks. I would love to see the evolution of the jerseys and the logos

because it does feel like every jersey became kind of the same variation of like matte colored and just almost uniform across the board where they all kind of look the same. These ones are just, these throwbacks all are so unique and awesome.
You know what it was? In the late 90s, the world thought that it was in the future already.

Right.

We thought, oh, it's the year 2000.

We're basically aliens that have mastered all forms of technology.

Yes.

We're going to make these crazy-ass designs like the Pistons logo,

like the Wizards when they unveiled that weird angular wizard

that looked like, I don't know, like a hologram of a pedophile from Harry Potter.

Those things were at the time like, whoa, this is space age as fuck look how cool our technology is and then by the time the mid-2000s rolled around we're like uh our technology is actually way better than it was back then and those look like dog shit so we're just going to dial it back so the jerseys we have now were a byproduct of like the late 2000s which were a reaction to the jerseys of the late 90s. Right.
Maybe it'll swing the other way soon. But right now we're still kind of stuck in that.
Let's be really conservative with our redesign. Yeah, I want some crazy shit.
I want some cool colors. Okay, my who's back.
I have two. One is Aaron Rodgers, who looks great.
I don't know if you guys saw, but the... Their jerseys stink, too.
Yeah, they do. Is his helmet...
Has his head gotten bigger, or did his helmet get smaller? Well, here's the thing. He did...
Because his chin is, like, poking out the bottom of it. It looks like it's a target.
Now, I'm an Aaron Rodgers defender now. I flipped, but we also have to remember, the man lived in the state of Wisconsin for 20 years, and then he moved.
He's going to lose a little weight. That's just a fact.
He's going to lose a little bit of weight. So he lost a little bit of weight.
But I think he looks great. People are saying he looks too skinny.
I think he looks just perfect, just the way he is. Because it felt like for a while in Green Bay his helmet was getting bigger every season.
He was probably doing it as like a joke or a troll that only he understood. Hilarious, by the way, now that I'm looking back.
He'd increase it by a quarter inch every single year until it got the size of basically a NASA helmet. And now it looks like it's a kid's helmet.
Yeah. It looks like one of those helmets that you get to eat ice cream out of at Baskin-Robbins.
He looks fresh and ready to go. You should be worried about him, Hank.
Yeah. He's a bad man.
Speaking of who's back and our bet, Aaron Rodgers, Deshaun Watson, you should be worried about him. Oh, that five-yard throw.
Did you see it? Big Cat, did you really watch it, though? Yeah. So Deshaun Watson at Brown's training camp walked to the sidelines casually as can be, fired an absolute missile into the practice throwing net hit the center target like butter one of the best five yard throws you'll ever see in your life might have been five feet it was it was it was up to five yards long yeah the caption making it look easy yeah he said he did were trolling because that's funny if they were i don't think they were he did make it look easy yeah he did it look very easy uh my other who's back is bunk beds so i i moved into my new house today my son has a bunk bed and i did not realize uh bunk bed technology has gotten insane he has bunk beds with like a legit staircase uh on the side of it hank it's fucking crazy i saw this thing and i i got jealous of something that my four-year-old has that i bought with my own money and i was like fuck you dude i want this bunk bed look at this shit this is this exactly this is i found it online look at that he just walks up the stairs of course he wasunting in my face, just walking back.
He was like, look at me. I can go up and down the stairs.
Right in my face. Stella was going up and down the stairs.
I was like, fuck this. There used to be a ladder, right? It used to be like you basically, if one of your friends had bunk beds, you were going to get hurt.
And at no point was it going to be a safe thing because you'd wrestle and then you'd push each other off each other off the bunk bed and all that. I dare you to jump off.
Yeah, right. And it was a little attached and hit someone in the head.
The thin little ladder. You miss a rung when you're walking down, when you're when you're getting like when you're a little hazy in the morning.
Bunk beds used to be dangerous. Now they just fucking rock.
And it's a queen bed underneath. Yeah.
How's that? That's that's. And then someone showed me someone because I tweeted this and people were replying and they were talking about like what they bought for their kids there's bunk beds with slides legitimate slides that's that to me is too far i want that's that's that i want one it's softening our kids the future generation when we were kids your parents would buy you a bunk bed or a trampoline because they wanted you to get hurt yeah i just i we actually we actually were driving and saw he saw his first trampoline he's like i want that i was like fucking never we should actually get it we should get a trampoline for the office yeah we should he can get hurt on that and yeah we can slam balls back yeah yeah we can sue sue barstool uh but yeah bunk beds i'm not one of those oh man back in our day it day, it was so much harder.
This is pussy shit. I want this bunk bed.
I want this bunk bed. I think I might buy it for myself and just not even put it in my bedroom.
Maybe just put it in the office. Is your bed upstairs in your house? Yeah.
So you kind of have a bunk bed with a giant set of stairs that goes up there. Not as cool as his, dude.
He's got everything I want and more. I kind of want a race car bed.
Those things still take out. I'm sure they're...
PMP, I'm sure... Like an Indy car bed.
Yeah. I bet you somebody...
I bet you they're awesome now. Somebody has an F1 bed.
Oh, dude, if I could sleep all night in an F18A Hornet, oh my God. I bet you they've made them...
That would be so cool. If bunk beds now have stairs they've definitely made them incredible yeah so yeah bunk beds are back i had no idea i guess this is someone replied and said that this has been the way for 15 years now so because obviously we've we're getting up there in age so we skipped this whole thing so it might have been something we just never knew about until this very moment.
But bunk beds rock. It does look fun.
It looks so fun. It's just too easy for him to get down, though.
I do kind of want. Yeah, we'll see.
All right. Maybe I'll just put like Kevin Callister, like put some nails on it or something.
Vaseline. The nice thing about the bunk bed was your kids were almost like trapped in bed.
So they weren't going to get up in the middle of the night to come wake you up. Now, not anymore.
No. Yeah.
When he was going to bed tonight, I was laying in the queen bed underneath him. And he did walk down the stairs like five times and thank me for the bunk bed.
So at least he's appreciative. But I was also like, go to bed, dude.
You like this is way too easy for you to be like he just kept on coming down he's like i love my new bed i love it fucking go to bed so yeah bunk beds back in a big way jake uh my who's back is vanderbilt vanderbilt football was picked to win the sec by five different media members no what did they all go to sec i don't, but they're tied for fourth in terms of first place votes. When we were there for tight end U, one of their coaches was like, things are turning around.
Yeah. And I bought it.
I did buy it. They said, yeah, we're pumping money in the program.
Their coach, I think, just signed a long-term deal. What? Yeah, it sounds like Vanderbilt's committing to it.
Word on the street is Vanderbilt might be embracing the downfield lateral. Yeah.
That's word on the street. These guys probably heard about that.
Can I short this stock? What can we do here? I don't know. Just five people believe they're going to win the SEC.
The SEC or the SEC East? Eight had them winning the SEC East. Eight? Because the SEC East has Georgia, but it doesn't have Alabama and LSU.
So you could be like, oh, if Georgia has a catastrophic thing happen where they just can't play football, maybe you could beat Florida. There's also like 500 votes.
Yeah. Okay, there we go.
I'm looking at the odds right now. Vanderbilt is plus 50,000 to win the SEC.
Georgia's minus 110. That's insane that Georgia is minus 110 to win the SEC championship.
That's nuts. Fucking Vandy.
Yeah, so Vanderbilt, look out for them because five people think they're going to win it. Also, other who's back.
Yes, I'm going to plug it. The Corn Fairy Tour.
Yeah. Huge week on Barstool.tv.
We're going to be live Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday from 3.30 to 6.30 Eastern, 2.30 local time. It's here in Chicago.
It's going to be so much fun. The Tea Time should be released either today or tomorrow.
I'm not sure, but it's going to be awesome. Do you have any calls prepared? Not yet, no.
You mean a whisper? Yeah. No? The way you were too excited with the whisper, I need like a very hushed.
You did nail as bad as your call was for Hank winning the lottery ball, which made me want to be deaf and have one of your ADA apartments. Your call for the PLL was awesome.
Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, you did a great job.
Thank you. I think it's I don't like the calls when it's just anything that celebrates Hank.
That's fair. Is what makes me upset.
That's fair. But I have to be neutral.
It was an exciting moment. This is a vulnerable moment for me, Hank.
I'm admitting that I have this issue. Am I allowed to go to the work event? Yeah.
You guys are all competing this week. I thought you were trying to get your tour card.
Are you going to play the course just to get a feel for it? I'm right. Hank is going to be the dudes on the beach doing some practice.
Yeah. No, you're going don't want to ruffle any feathers here.
Hank, I fully expect you to find a way to go to the work thing. I fully expect you to find a way to be in this tournament.
I don't know how you're not. There's still time.
There's still absolutely time. There.
Okay. There's a qualifier tomorrow.
Seriously? Why aren't you playing? Come on. Rapport is up.
Really? So he could actually play in this tournament? What do you – like how good are the guys playing in the qualifier? Probably a lot better than Rapport. Why aren't you playing in the qualifier? Let's just say the winner of this tournament last year over four days was 22 under par.
Okay. Hank, you can do this.
Was it broadcast? I don't know. I know they go live for the 72nd hole.
I was watching that today. Okay.
So they showed the upcoming schedule at the end of the British Open, and it had FedEx on Discovery. Is Blocky going to be in this one? No.
I don't think so, no. If I was on the Corn Fairy Tour, I would cheat so hard.

I don't think I can do that.

Why not?

It's legit.

I know, but if there's no cameras on you for each shot.

Right.

We're talking a couple hundred thousand dollars here.

It's the guy next to you.

Because, you know, you keep the scorecard of the person you're playing with.

Yeah, I would still cheat.

I would find ways to cheat.

Yeah, but there's a lot on the line here.

The top 30 guys end of the season get their PGA Tour cards.

So, it's coming down the stretch.

I'm going to cheat. There's a lot on the line here.
The top 30 guys end of the season get their PGA Tour cards, so it's coming down the stretch. I want you to get your PGA Tour card.
500 points for the winner. Shoot up the standards.
You would forget our name so fast. I worked with these guys for a while.
No, I'd just be wearing all Megacorp stuff. If you got sponsored by Megacorp, all would be forgiven.
uh okay let's get to our great interview joe buck pft who we got before joe buck ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariot ariot work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver. Check out Ariat in your local workwear retailer or visit Ariat.com slash work to get 10% off your first order when you sign up for email.
And weather whatever in Ariat work gear. And now here's Joe Buck.
Okay we now welcome on one of our favorite recurring guests. It has been far too it is the man the myth the legend joe buck uh joe great to see you thank you for wearing the still blue coffee hat uh we haven't talked to you in forever i i was thinking about it was like man we need to have joe buck back on because for people who don't know well no one would this.
We actually were going to have you on in the football season. And it was going to be the Monday before the Bengals and Bills played.
And we know how that went. So it was good that we didn't have you on.
You remember that? Yeah. Yeah.
No, I just actually got back from Tahoe and that celebrity golf tournament thing and the American Century, which is a blast. I need to say, first and foremost.
But I had many people in the gallery, at least 4% of the 11 people that followed me. Like, you've got it.
When are you going back on? When are you going back on? So here we are. And, yeah, I do remember that game all too well and very thankful for the way that things have turned out for Mr.
DeMar Hamlin. I've gotten to know him a little bit since then, and he is a wonderful young guy and can't believe he's going at it again.
But who am I to tell anybody what they can or can't do? So good for him. Yeah.
In that moment, it was me and Big Cat talked about it the day after the incident. And it felt like America was looking at somebody to be mad about because we were so shocked at what we saw take place on the field.
So we went, everyone went on Twitter and tried to find who the villain was going to be. You know, Skip Bayless had some interesting things to say at the time.
So we kind of went after him him i thought you did a good job in that situation it was a very very tough situation you're walking a tightrope where you're just reacting honestly to what you saw but not making any missteps like you handled that as perfectly as you could in such a bad situation so as as much as we like to bust your balls joe i do think you did a good job. That's a clip that please.
And let me let me get a copy of that. I do.
You're right. The way you said it is you have to not make any missteps.
And I think the one thing that that I'm really proud of everybody that was involved that night was the restraint, the restraint of not speculating, of not guessing, of not, there was no information. And when there's no information and the red light is on and you know that you're supposed to be saying something, it's a bit unnerving to not have anything to go on other than what everybody else saw.
I had no information that people watching on television didn't have. You see them working on him.
You see the ambulance. You see the ambulance leave.
We eventually knew where he headed and where he ended up. But other than that, I mean, you just keep repeating yourself and you realize at that moment how small sports are.
And not to be corny about it, but the job that those medical people did down on that field was like landing a plane on the Hudson. They were absolutely perfect in front of a full stadium of people and national audience saving somebody's life.
And I can't imagine the pressure, but I think the pressure may go out the window when you're just doing your job and you're reacting in the moment. It's no different than I would imagine calling a Super Bowl or playing in a Super Bowl or whatever it might be.
Once it's time to go, you go and you don't think about what else is around you.

You did do the thing that we love, which is when announcers go,

I don't want to speculate, but – and then they proceed to speculate.

Exactly.

It's a nice – yeah.

Easy way to do it. I was aware of what had transpired on the field because they made that kind of player shield around DeMar.
And I think wisely our cameras all pulled back. So the only thing we could see is what we could see from the booth with our eyes, not because of any cameras.
And you could see over the players and them feverishly trying to revive him. And then as my phone is just blowing up with my daughters texting me, my wife, friends, friends I haven't heard from in forever, people that are like, you start realizing, oh, my God, there are people hanging on every moment of this situation.
And, again, to know where we are, I mean, even to know where we were four days after that but now where we are where he's about to head to camp uh is is pretty remarkable it really is it really is and I don't want to spend this entire interview sucking your dick but I do have another moment that uh I would like to to to point out I only on this show I said yeah only on this we're gonna suck your dick for a little bit, Joe. Take down your pants.
The first week, Monday Night Football, I said this while we were taping afterwards, the Broncos playing the Seahawks, and I said your call of that game, the beginning of the game, where you had the sense to let the crowd just speak. I don't think you said a word from the time Russell Wilson walked on the field till after uh the first play transpired and letting the moment speak for itself I'm curious do you think that's something that you know 20 years ago you would have had the wherewithal to be like hey this is not my moment this is what the fans want to hear this because I thought it exceptional with – and that's not just saying because you weren't speaking and that's always nice when you're not speaking.
True. But do you think that that's something you've learned over time? Because I thought it was an unbelievable call by you.
Yeah, I think it is. I think that comes with experience not to act like the old sage on this stuff because everybody's got their own take on the way they do things.
So I don't know that I always make that right decision. I do remember in 99 at the All-Star game at Fenway when Ted Williams came out from behind the gate and was being driven around the warning track and took his cap.
I guess he was famous for not really tipping his cap. And's the end of his life.
And it's the big moment for Ted Williams and multiple generations, some who'd never even maybe heard of Ted Williams and others who may, may have seen him play are there at Fenway and he sticks his straight arm out with his cap. Like I am, I am, I am emphatically tipping my cap to you, the fans you the fans I remember our producer Mike Weissman telling me in my ear when we had come back from commercial we're back and I couldn't talk I couldn't get anything out I think that point I'm thinking of my own life and growing up in the game and my dad was getting on in years and the beauty of this moment.
And it was, I couldn't choke. I was crying in, in, in, I literally, I had, I had tears in my eyes and I was like, I have not, what am I going to say? That's better than what we're seeing.
There's no, and all I'm going to do is cut out the crowd. So why would you do that? And, and I think, so there have been times in my career, and that's 20 plus years ago.
There are times in my career where you realize unless you're just ego filled and a moron or insecure because you feel like if you don't talk, everybody's at home going, I just got to know what to say. He's he stinks.
And so I think there have been times where you realize silence is the most powerful tool you have to let the natural sounds come over a television, which I think I've been pretty respectful of over the years with baseball and football. But that was one of those It's just like all this hype of Aikman and Buck are going to ESPN.
And, oh, who cares?

And, oh, buck are going to espn and oh who cares and oh it's gonna change monday night football no it's not it's the same and then the first thing you do is you don't talk yeah that that's that was kind of the weird uh thing bouncing through my big brain but it was incredible big head small brain it is really uh like the next level the transcendent uh you know announcers knowing when to push knowing when to pull back because hearing the crowd is so is so great when you're trying to consume a game on tv and feeling like you're there and i did in that moment hearing the seattle fans give it to rus to Russell Wilson was exactly what I wanted to hear.

Yeah, and I think sometimes it's not just the loud noises that a crowd makes.

I think sometimes crowds can say all they want to say with silence.

I can't tell you how many times a World Series would end and you're going,

man, if this were just happening at home.

But you get a road team winning a World Series in a four-game sweep,

and then it's just dead silence.

But the beauty of it is if this was just happening at home, you know, but you get a road team winning a World Series in a four-game sweep, and then it's just dead silence.

But the beauty of that is if you don't talk after you say the, you know,

fill in the blank, the Chicago White Sox are world champions.

Now you can hear the natural sound on those cameras with the microphones

that are on the cameras that are going right into the celebration on the field.

And you can hear those guys acting like little kids, like they just won a Little League World Series. That, to me, is just as powerful as a crowd either booing or going crazy because of some awesome moment.
Yeah. And knowing when to shut up is something that AI will never take over from a play-by-play announcer the robot

would never shut up so that's true i'm anti-ai when it comes to that sort of thing good way to take a stand me too yeah you mentioned like door you mentioned monday night football year two have you how long have you and scott van pelt hated each other that was the dumbest thing it's so funny It's just Van Pelt's like the only guy I knew at ESPN before I came there.

We'd been at parties together. We'd had fun.
We would text over the years. He would text me stuff during golf.
I'd text him stuff that I saw on his show. And so now I always look forward to the after the game little catch up with Scott because he's funny and smart.
And so whatever he – I don't even know where we were. I think we were in Indianapolis maybe, and he asked me a question, then Troy a question, Troy another question, and I said something like being a smartass, like, what, am I only getting one question or whatever? And he gave it back to me.
And the fact that that became a thing is so funny to both of us

that we came really close the next week to just blowing it up

and making it absurd, like some awful feud.

I love Scott.

So that whole thing was absolute.

I see it on Instagram.

Yeah.

When it would come through my feed like, oh, this is a war I want to watch. Scott Van Pelt against Joe Biden.
Nobody wants to see that. Nobody cares.
It's junk. Yeah.
I mean, it's also just what we do on the internet. It's just make any little moment the biggest moment.
I was actually sitting there conflicting because I was like, I love both these guys. What the hell? I took Scott's side.
Yeah. You're on Scott's side? Thanks.
Yeah.

You're doing with Troy Aikman, Joe.

Nobody wants to hear your thoughts about football. Yeah, push come to shove.

It's Scott's side, just so you know.

I get it.

That was me.

That was really my insecurity.

You're right.

It's Aikman, and he's going to break it down.

Most of the time, I honestly feel like I shouldn't even be there.

I'm willing to wait. It's not like I need to get out of the booth five minutes earlier i'm willing to wait let troy further analyze the game well you don't need to hear from me uh but you know whatever they it's uh that stuff's fun to me and i like it just proves as if brock meyer didn't uh how great of an actor I am.
Yeah, you are a great actor. So Monday Night Football, is it way better in terms of lifestyle? I would imagine you get to watch all the games on Sunday now.
You know, you're not sitting there while the whole slate is going on, prepping for a game. Is it that much better, I would imagine? It is.
I mean, I like being the standalone game, whether it was Thursday night, which we were doing at Fox or Monday night. And I miss so much on Sunday when I was getting ready for a late afternoon game or an early afternoon game because you can't watch all that stuff.
And so now we would get to the city, watch in a viewing room the different games that were going on, watch Red Zone, whatever the version of that's going to be this year coming up. I don't know.
But, yeah, getting a feel for what's happening in the league on Sunday and then being either the last word of that previous week on Monday night or the first word on what's to come the rest of that week is fun. It should lead, and I think we'll be better this year, it should lead to more kind of 30,000-foot NFL views about what's happening in the league more than just, hey, second down and four, here's another two-yard run.
there's time in there to uh to actually do some stuff that is a little bit bigger picture yeah yeah i don't know if you know this joe but earlier when you said the chicago white socks are world series champions when you say something like that for like a split second in my dumb brain i believe that the the Chicago White Sox are now World Series champions.

Because it's coming from your voice, and it sounds official.

Can you just say

the Washington Commanders have won

the Super Bowl, just so I can hear that?

The Washington Commanders have

won the Super Bowl!

That's pretty good. Yeah, that's as close

as I'll get. Yeah.
How about

Justin Fields really is an

MVP caliber quarterback? And with that

performance, Justin Fields

has solidified himself

I don't. um i want to go back to something you were talking about uh the mlb all-star game we have this is what the first summer that we don't get to hear any joe buck in or maybe last summer as well i well it's my second year out of baseball It is stunning me how, when you get out of something that's been, it's been in my life as literally as long as I can remember.
I grew up in the back of the Cardinals broadcast booth with my dad doing the games. And I did it professionally for 35 years.
And I did it nationally for 20 plus years to have it be out of my life and watch as a fan but not get into the weeds on baseball to see the players come up in the all-star game this past you know whatever it was two weeks ago a week ago I was like oh my god I don't recognize half of these players I don know who any of them are. And I haven't been out that long.
It's amazing how when you get off the train, it leaves you, and you're standing at the station, and it's gone, and nobody cares, and the game moves on. And, you know, it's a weird lesson to learn that way, but it's the truth.
It's passed me by.

I'm off the carousel here.

But people want you back on baseball.

So are you saying that you're not going to do baseball anymore?

Well, I've done interviews where – and I don't know who those people are.

They want me back on baseball.

And I sure as hell don't know where they were when I was doing baseball. now they're that it's the proves the old adage either have to die or retire for people to go oh you know that guy was okay that guy was uh but i the national baseball stuff i don't see how that ever comes around again like i said it just you're gone you're done you you're done.
It's beyond. I think doing, and I got, you know, this got headlines, clickbait crap in the New York Post.
And when I said, you know, maybe someday if I did a handful of games for the Cardinals or if we're living in Denver and the Rockies, somebody was on a vacation and they said, hey, will you come do, it might be fun fun but i watch games now and i see umpires just as i'm watching on television making signals and pointing at their watch and all the stuff with the timing violation i have i don't even know i this was my life and i don't even know what the hell they're signaling with with whatever they're doing so i would have to do a lot of work to get back in the booth

and call a baseball game.

If somebody said, hey, do two innings, I could do two innings,

but I don't see it anytime soon.

Yes, PFT, go.

It's interesting they said two innings because for a fantasy baseball league

or punishment is that we're going to have to get two innings worth of outs

against maybe Northwestern's baseball team.

One of us pitching. Yeah.
And the rest of us in in i would do that yeah so you might have to we'll send you the footage and you might have to announce it no i'll do that i feel i i will ask i'll beg for permission when i was at fox it was like anybody came along they wanted me to do something now i've been at espn for so short a time that I wouldn't want some sort of contractual violation to end my time. Well, Scott would do it for us.
No questions asked. Yeah, we'll just get Scott.
That's fine. Yeah, we'll do Scott.
Yeah, you're fine. Okay, I think you'd be better for that.
Wait, you actually should do a baseball game and just pretend that you didn't realize all the rules changed. And be like, what the fuck is this clock going on? Why are they going so fast? Boy, this game's got such a better pay.
It's really working in a hurry. Yeah.
Boy, that base seems bigger than it used to from up here. What is it? An inch bigger? Huh? People would like that.
Things would have been an inch bigger. You like the big bases, too.
I love the big bases. base it's unbelievable like i i thought when they said they're gonna make the bases bigger like they were gonna be circus bases like clown shoes or something like these massive things that you could slide into i i guess that's a that's a big change i don't i have yeah we all wanted a bigger base and then need the big base you can always make the bases bigger too you can't make them smaller that's true the fans have spoken and they have been given bigger bases although tiny bases would be funny yes super tiny bases like like tea cups i like that idea first baseman stomping around trying to find it the runners trying can't yeah i yeah there's some value to that yeah did you watch the home run derby uh i watched some not all we've been trying to fix the home run derby because it feels like maybe it's nostalgia because anything that you grow up watching you kind of want to recapture that moment in your youth when you're watching the same product later and you know they tweak the rules a little bit it's different from when we used to watch it.
We think that it used to be better when you could just observe a home run and watch it land and then on to the next one. But I agree.
I feel like the rapid fire, and maybe it's because I'm now old, but it's hard to piece together, to piece together a, how many home runs the guys actually got because they're flying over and one hits the wall and you don't know which ball that hit the wall is connected to which swing that I just saw. Like it's bang, bang, bang, bang.
So I, yeah, I slowing it down or doing some sort of change where you get X number of pitches so you can actually follow the ball and know how many home runs the guy hit, that seems like a better use. And it wouldn't wear these guys out as much as just how many can you hit in three minutes? These guys are just dragging by the end of that thing.
Yeah. Yeah.
Have you figured out which team you're going to hate this year in the NFL? Is it like every year? Yeah. Does it change? Are you like, I'm feeling like this year.
Usually I work my way through the divisions and I start east because we all travel west. So I've already gotten all those.
Okay. I add the south in there.
So I'll go west. Hmm.
Yeah. I yeah I think well we don't have an Atlanta game okay so let's throw them on there that seems like piling on though haven't they dealt with enough haven't they suffered enough have you thought about like zagging on everyone and being like Patrick Holmes isn't that good no no some people call him check down patty check down patty his his uh the distance of air yards traveled for every touchdown they threw last year career low i think you could think so let's get rid of him because he's checking it down he just wins and they win the super bowl and yeah quarterbacks are the new running backs they could have won the last four somehow but yeah okay find a new one he's the one guy you could do it for because everyone be like he's obviously doing a bit because he's that good so you should be like yeah that wasn't that impressive no that's true and and i feel like patrick who might be the nicest superstar athlete of anybody i've ever met uh might handle it okay i think some guys might get a little ticked off or perturbed, but not him.

Has that happened to you before? Has any player ever been like, hey, you're too hard on me? Let's say there's a certain family in the NFL. We've had multiple generations and multiple family, multiple players in the same position in the same generation that, that might've thought I was too harsh on, on a member of the family.
The Greasey's really, the Greasey's really complained. It was all about Brian.
It's the Boses or maybe the Longs probably Chris Long's a dick. He probably hates you.
Oh, God. What a bad guy.
Now, see, that'll be like, I don't know. That's the scary thing about doing podcast is when you get the, now it's like, ding, okay, Joe Buck doesn't like Chris Long.
Joe Buck loves Chris Long. So you feel like it it's the van pelt thing you mess around and you have fun with somebody but yeah the the manning family uh does not always thought that i i and we were too harsh on you well the the this podcast gets a different treatment where even if someone says something serious they're like oh they're fucking around they wouldn't actually be serious ever so you can say i saw a headline that greg olsen is worried about drawing quote unquote penises yeah yeah penises but you don't have to say penis you can say penis you don't have to worry about drawing penises they don't give you the ability to do that yeah right don't be a verbal be a verbal dong wait so eli wait eli manning they they actually were like hey you're too hard on the Man on the Manning.
Yeah, I mentioned this when I was a guest on the Manning cast, and I said it's going to be my objective, Eli, to make you like me before I hang up the Zoom call on the Manning cast. We're all good now, and I'm good with Peyton.
But back in the day, I remember watching, I got home from a Sunday game and I turned it on and Costas was interviewing Peyton Manning. And I think the question was, you know, what's it like with a younger brother in the NFL? And Peyton said, you know, well, it's not fun hearing Joe Buck say something harsh about your brother Eli.
I was like, man, that doesn't feel like that was too coincidental. But, you know, time goes on.
And I think, you know, for those guys, and Peyton's become a really good friend. And Eli, I think, can tolerate me to a certain degree, maybe not all the way.
But I actually made it a point, not to go too deep into this because it's not really that interesting, but back when the Super Bowl was, I think, last in New Orleans, it was the Ravens 49ers Super Bowl. The Pat Summerall Award was going to the Mannings, and I think it was going to Archie Manning, but maybe all the Mannings.
And I was there in the city because I was stalking my now wife at the time, trying to make her love me. I went and made it a point at the hotel when they were honoring Archie and Peyton and Eli, I went to the event and I went to Olivia Manning and I said, uh, Archie's wife, uh, I said, look, I, I, I have the sense or I've heard that you think I'm unfair.
And I just want you to know it's never per it's never personal and I'm a parent myself. and I would be the same damn way if I thought anybody was picking on my kid.
And I just want you to know that's not how I feel. I'm sorry that you feel that way.
And then it was like the pressure and the tension was over, and it was hugs, and everything was good. Do you remember what it was you said that first drew their attention? Honest to God, that's the thing.
I mean, there there have been times where i've thought that might have been a little bit too far not not with eli but with uh with other with other athletes that i've covered over the years sometimes it was more kind of local baseball stuff i remember being with my dad one time and milt thompson was a cardinal outfielder and he made a throw from left field. And my, my dad said, and I was sitting next to him when he said it on the air, he said, well, if you're not going to throw a runner out from left field, from that close in, you're never going to throw out a runner.
And the next day, Milt kind of let my dad have it. Uh, and, and that, you know, you realize that these are people and they have feelings and it's a good reminder every once in a while to just kind of check yourself because I would probably react the exact same way.
Yeah, yeah. I am looking forward to Monday Night Football.
I don't know if you get excited like we do, but just looking through the schedule and thinking about where I'm going to be on that date on that Monday, I'm going to be on my couch watching you on TV. I get excited.
I get excited about that. Do you have any games that are circled on the calendar this year where you're already like, man, I can't wait to be there? I mean, the way we start is pretty crazy to think that we've got Aaron Rodgers debut in New York, 9-11, Jets hosting the Bills and potentially DeMar Hamlin's return and Josh Allen.
And there are so many storylines in that game. At some point, you know, you got to cover the game, but you could go in.
I mean, you could fill three hours with the different storylines that are happening. And then we've got the Super Bowl rematch of Kansas City-Philly Week 11 in November.
So I think those are the two that stand out. But there are a lot of really good games.
I'm interested to see how good Green Bay is. I think that's the one.
Like the Jordan Love story is something that I can't wait to watch unfold because I was there for his start at Kansas City, and that didn't go well. And then I was watching on, I guess it was a Sunday night, when he came in and played really well in mop-up duty.
And I think it's such an unknown, but they seem to be so in his corner and such believers that I want to see it play out. I want to see the passing of the torch to the next guy in Green Bay.
And, you know, I'm hopeful that he's the guy. Yeah, he's going to stink.
So I got to warn you, Joe, I have I'm moving in a new house soon and I have a bigger TV. So I am going to make the greatest big head Joe Buck pictures I've ever made.
When I got your coffee, I tried, I realized it's a pixel thing as much as it's anything. Cause I tried to take, I've tried to put my phone camera above the label on the coffee of your head and it just doesn't work.

So wait, let me see.

I got you.

I'm going to get you.

I'm going to get you great this year.

Nope.

You're, you, you don't, you're already, you already made a mistake.

I can already see what you've made a mistake on.

How you got to go.

Are you going sideways?

No.

And the zoom out the sideways and zoom out is the way you get it.

Yeah. There you go.
It's good. Hold on.
I'll get closer. Ready? Yeah.
Would you please? Thank you. This is really compelling podcast.
I'll do play by play. Big cats getting into the camera right now.
Joe Buck's got his iPhone out horizontally. The zoom out feature is locked on.
Joe's weird, skinny, wrinkly fingers just took a picture of Big Cat. And it's going to turn out real well, I think.
One word for you there, Big Cat, Botox. Oh, I know.
You may want to tighten that up up front. You got a nice tan going.
Have you spent some time out of doors lately, or is that spray? It's a little tan. No, it's mostly with three kids now.
I take two of them out all day to try to just get the clock going. What do you do with the other one? The other one stays home with mom, and then I just go to the playground and everything, just try to run the clock.
It's just trying to get to bedtime every day. Do they they know you're you on the playground do you have the other dads coming up to you the way i have dads coming up to me when they go oh are you here with your grandsons i'm like no these are my children yeah do they want to get your your hot take on on some piece of sports information no it's my my son thinks that i have like a million friends which is pretty cool but he every every person who comes up to me he's like oh is that your friend from work is that your friend from work i'm like yeah kind of kind of and then he'll eventually grow up and be like wait that's what you do so at least you have a better chance with your kids who am i blake uh one of my twins always goes daddy why didn't you want Year.
He might be a Blake of the Year. We have a Blake of the Year every year, so we might have to get him into the competition.
Please do. He's willing to accept awards.
He just says, Daddy, why did that man want to take a picture with you? And so I've just spread it around. Your dad's a heavyweight champ of the world.
Yeah, that's exactly right. Your dad is one of greatest boxers of all time.
Yeah. And just different things.
I just won the Super Bowl. You got a little time.
I got a little time before he knows I'm full of shit. Yeah, but I do probably need Botox.
I'm just so scared of any surgery because of your cautionary tale. That's fair.
The only time I have had Botox, by the way, was in the back of my head to relieve migraines.

Any surgery on my head.

Oh, sure, buddy.

Sure.

That's like the nose job.

Are you kidding me?

The nose job because you can't breathe right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Of all the things that I've admitted to having, 10 hair transplant surgery, you think I'm

scared of admitting if I had Botox?

Well, you have.

I have not.

In the back of your head.

You just said you had.

In the back of my head for migraines, but nobody's taking it.

I don't have any kids but do you want to ask me any questions about raising children?

Yeah, just general sweeps of what your philosophy is going to be.

I was just doing my Joe Buck impression on Monday Night Football. Yeah, I know, but I want to actually ask you a question.

What's my general philosophy?

Is that live and let live?

I guess the kids kind of raise themselves these days. How hard could it be? It's like planes.
I raise a dog. Yeah.
What's my general philosophy? Well, is it live and let live? I guess the kids kind of raise themselves these days. How hard could it be? It's like I raise a dog.
Yeah. And I'm about to get another dog.
So essentially, I've had two children plus a fake kid that I used for clout. So, yeah, it's not how hard could it be? You guys bitch and moan a lot about raising kids.
And honestly, what? You keep them fed. They'll figure out where the bathroom is eventually on their their own right that's actually kind of exactly how we did potty training in my house but yeah are you out of uh the nighttime uh pull-ups yet no we come on i got i'm in the shit i'm in the shit i got four four two year a four-year-old two-year-old and a newborn i'm in the shit but you personally are out of the nighttime pull-ups no i'm not either good i wear diapers at all times have you ever thought about getting diped up while you call a game oh i should have i mean i've told many stories about peeing in trash cans while i call touchdowns and sprinting to the bathroom i should just let it i just should let it go yeah yeah because troy troy's a famous you've told us this before, Troy farts a lot in the booth, right? Have I told you that before? I think you said that.
Am I supposed to nod? Uh-huh. Yes.
Yes. Good point.
Yes. I remember that time.
I told you that. But that's happened.
Well, I mean, yeah. I would assume it's happened.
And here's the thing. I mean, we've got at least one, one two we've got six people up in front of that booth yeah so there's strength in numbers i mean it's not like anybody's claiming anything yeah you can just point to my stat guy ed sfida he's like that was me yeah you know how it works you point to the fattest guy in the room you're like you must have farted i get it all the time you've been working with troy so long you could probably tell a troy yeah like that's that's troy's brand yeah that's fair do you guys uh do you have you golfed are you golfing uh are you a golfer you just went out to tahoe right yes i fancy myself uh a golfer so how are you playing these days i didn't play that great i.
I didn't play awful. I finished like right in the middle of the pack.
I mean, I was a plus, plus 19, which it's a point thing. So there are players and coaches and actors and people that were well behind me.
So I felt good about that, but I can't putt. I'm not a good putter.
We're coming out next year. We've already decided we're going to do that trip because it looks like the funnest event.

It is great.

I mean, it's great for you guys.

You'll be the bells of the ball.

You will show up on that driving range, and you will have your pick of the litter of, you know,

hey, Miles Teller, come on over.

Hey, you know, Aaron Rodgers, you'll get him over there somehow. Yeah.
Yeah. And we'll just forget that we know you.
Yeah, I know. I know how that works.
Watching Steph Curry, we kind of agree with the take that he might be a better golfer than a basketball player. It's so maddening that somebody's that good at all that different stuff.
And I tip my cap, I mean, not to be serious on a show that begs me not to be, but to have that many people follow you around playing while you play golf, which is not your main gig and to play that well and make pots and make an Eagle on 18 to win the thing. I, you know, that's, that's impressive to me.
I could never do it. I would have choked.
Yeah. Do you want to get back in the golf calling game? No, because I don't want to give you guys more to rip me about.
No, you did a good job. Except for the Brooks thing.
Yeah. Yeah, that was bad.
That was bad. That was bad.
No, you actually did. I mean, it was my fault because it came out of my mouth.
you did a bad job now that i'm thinking about it yeah i did and it was i i almost had a nervous breakdown that day in the car and the way we just done like i don't know how long our golf coverage was it felt like 25 hours a day straight and we've just done four days of that and it was going pretty well and then hey there's whatever name i said, the card I got, all information about Brooks' I guess at that time ex-girlfriend. And then Brad Faxon corrects me, and we walk off.
And my daughter was with me, Trudy. And I think she was legitimately concerned for my well-being.
I was in the back of the car. I'm getting into texting fights with people that are making fun in a nice way.
Like, hey, by the way, just so you know, my wife and I are still together. And I lost a few friends on that car ride from Aaron Hills to the airport.
And my daughter thought I was having a nervous a nervous breakdown you know you need to do and and we will provide you this coverage uh in service going forward if you have any of these situations you need to text us and then we will just release a statement and be like Joe is joking and then just we'll take we'll take the narrative for you and be like you guys are so stupid you didn't was joking. Please do.
Because I pay a lot of money to people to theoretically do that. But it's having the insurance that you never cash in yet.
I mean, ever since I've had them, I haven't had one of those moments yet. But I'm sure I will.
And I'll call you instead of them. Yeah, we're like the mafia when it comes to the internet.
We'll protect you. You'll scrub it.
You're the Leo Schreiber. Yeah, we'll make sure everything's good and we also will probably start a couple rumors that we'll then put out so we can show our services.
So we got this. I like it.
I can't wait until... When does the New York Post headline hit that Eli Manning didn't like Joe Buck? 10.30 a.m.
10.30 a.m. tomorrow? Yeah.
Well, the day this show comes out. Which is when? Just give me a ballpark so I can know when they're going to clip that and not do the other part where time has healed all wounds and everybody likes each other and gets along now.
I think it's going to be Monday, and it's going to be something like on podcasts where hosts sucked Joe Buck's dick, he still bashed Eli Manning. I didn't bash him.
I said he didn't like me. I don't know how I bashed him.
No, he's thinking about Eli Manning while we're blowing you. Yeah's what's going on right now you got him look at i've never seen a laugh like that out of a big cat joe can i can i just give you something to be on the lookout for next football season so we've we've been on this beat the last like two two and a half years if a player has a a baby during the week, if they become a dad during the week, if they're an offensive skill position player, they always get a touchdown.
If it's a backup tight end, if it's a number three wide receiver, just know that going into Monday Night Football, if they become a father that week, they're getting a fucking touchdown. Okay.
Can I go with that in the open? Obviously, you seem very adamant about this, so I feel like you've been either rewarded or burned by this theory before. No, we've been studying it.
We think that it has something to do with the fact that if you have a kid, your coworkers are usually pretty happy for you, and there will be a subconscious or a small way that it sneaks into the game plan that they want to get you the ball. That's so beautiful.
Yeah. It happens.
That's beautiful. I will pay attention to that.
That means that I'm going to have to do a better job, unlike the days when I was following the dating life of Brooks Koepka to know what everybody else has going on every week. Yeah.
Joe, I got one last question for you. All protein bars generally taste the same, but not one bars.
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And only one Hershey's cookies and cream protein bars is made with Hershey's cookie bits while delivering 18 grams of protein and three grams of sugar. One bars are the perfect protein bar to get you through your busy day, whether you need a quick pick me up between meetings or you need some fuel to power you through your next workout.
One also has other delicious flavors like birthday cake, maple glazed donut and and blueberry cobbler find all one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com i saw your this is the last question your your podcast is now going to be a tv show is it not animated short maybe well we hope we've sold it to uh to fox uh for an animated tv show in the uh in along the lines of a family guy type show. Yes.
Oliver Hudson and I have, have we've struck gold if they pick up the pilot. We'll see.
I love a scab. No, we did this prior to there's, there's nothing to be done now.
We're just sitting here and it's animation. That is the dream is to, to sell a show to a network and then there's a strike and so you never have to make it you're just like fair but i there's not been one dime paid that's the part i don't understand i defer to oliver uh for the the workings and how this whole thing i don't really get it because they're like hey we sold it i'm like well what do we get well nothing unless they pick it up i'm like well then we didn't sell anything so i that's how that works as you guys know well congrats on getting it sold um my last last question is how much we so we haven't talked to you in a long time it was great to have you back on you are one of our favorite guests yeah uh we do love that you're you're part of part of my take history in our first interview with you and and you being so welcoming to coming on um but would you say now do you regret having this relationship with us how this interview's gone no okay good no i i think this is good for the average person who listens to this podcast.

This is a podcast, right?

This is a podcast.

We actually haven't been recording any of this.

Okay, good.

To see the side of me that I get to display.

I get to open my kimono, as they say.

I get to throw it all out there for the world to see,

to go, oh, the guy who said that's disgusting about the Randy Moss touchdown celebration? Well, here's the other side. So, yeah.
Yeah. Well, if you're the New York Post listening to this, the big headline, the big takeaway is...
Actually, forgive the pun, headline, but Joe Buck got Botox in the back of his skull. Yeah.
For migraines. For migraines.
that's the most interesting thing that we've learned today it was just the most interesting thing then i want this last 43 30 back in my life that's it i'll just text you random shit like that and you can just say it and we don't have to spend this time together yeah that's true but we're now we're now joe buck protect protectors so you just let us know when you need our services we're gonna go hunting on the internet we got you i love those signs behind you i i love the fact that you can make fun of the signs i've i've had those signs in my house every beach house has one my i think my favorite one is uh i just baked you some shut the fuck cakes. And it's a cat holding a tray of cupcakes that are shut the fuck up.

I like the one that says one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, four.

Yeah.

I may or may not have just spent about $350 at HomeGoods.

And I've got a big shipment coming in.

My other car is a Porsche. I like that one.
Yeah's a nice flex. Get it? Alexa, do the dishes.
What a backer. What an effort.
The laundry is looking at me dirty again, Joe. That's so true.
All right. Well, Joe, thank you as always.
You are are the best we are so excited for football season da da da da da da da da it's the best Monday Night Football is our favorite wait till you hear who's doing our new theme song you're gonna like it okay imagine dragons imagine dragons going to just crank it out. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
All right. Well, Joe, thanks as always, man.
We really appreciate it. All right, guys.
Good to be with you. Hey, it's Rhea from Tricks in the Office.
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Shop their newest arrivals in store and online. And now here's the Mount Rushmore of blue things.
Okay, Mount Rushmore time. We're doing the Mount Rushmore of blue things.
Well, red things was such a hit. Red things was a hit.
Hank, did you get any feedback on whether or not hot sauce was red? Yeah, overwhelming amount of responses saying hot sauce is orange. That's cap, cap, cap.
There it is. Sideway cap.
Cap. Live look at Hank's orange statement.

Yeah, it's red.

You know it's red.

Overwhelming majority.

You're such a fucking liar.

That's an overwhelming majority of ones that I read.

Oh, okay.

All right.

That's fair.

That's not cap.

Okay.

Mount Rushmore of blue things.

He capped it for real.

Here we go, boys.

What is that bracelet?

Is that a hair tie? Yeah, it's a fucking hair tie.'s like any more questions all right billy and jake are up first this is podcasting then you guys smells like motherfucking cat then us third wrap around my cap detectors off the charts okay Well, big first pick. You guys ready? Huge.

I wonder what they're going to... wrap around my cap detector is off the charts okay well uh big first pick you guys ready

huge i wonder what they're gonna take oh no okay here we go

of course like blue mountain all right okay

this is the second time you guys drafted the cords like blue mountains not true do you guys

admit that that was the worst pick ever no because the logo okay well yes like when you

Thank you. It was the second time you guys drafted the Coors Light Blue Mountains.
Not true. Do you guys admit that that was the worst pick ever? No, because the logo.
Okay. Well, yes.
When it becomes a talking point, yes. Oh, you think we sullied your pick? When people think of Coors, they think of the Silver Bullet and Blue Mountains.
I didn't know that was the nickname either. That was the killer when Hank was like, if Coors Light was a football uniform, it would be silver or blue.
Yeah. I mean, it's factually correct.

That's all that matters.

The font.

Jake did, Loki, just say that the only reason the pick was bad was because we trashed it. Yeah.

No, no, no.

We sold it.

Because it became a talking point.

It became a talking point.

Talking point.

If it becomes a talking point.

Yeah.

If you get into the conversation, yes, the first thing you think of Coors Light is blue.

Yes.

But if you look at the Coors Light logo, it is red. Well, you've redeemed yourselves.
This is a great 1-1. Good job.
We're off and running. Hank and Max.
I forgot we were going to. I am going to go.
I mean, this is easy number two. We.
Sorry. Max and I.
Max. This is bad.
Max and I are going to go.

Skip.

Captain takes the ball.

Yeah.

You haven't really.

Have you had any picks recently?

Yeah.

Captain Cap.

Yeah.

I mean, we discussed before.

We don't have to go.

Max, should we go with one?

Should we go with three?

Should we go?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's go with the third one for sure.

It's called teamwork.

Why don't you go with the fifth one?

We're going to go.

Oh, you guys don't have the balls.

Blues Brothers. Oh, okay.
That's a good pick. That wasn't our first pick but you want five you'll get good pick i like it good pick all right uh our one one is still there well whatever what that's fine that's a good pick yeah thank you blues brothers classic it's timely yeah relatable um all right our one one is gonna be is going to be Carolina blue.
Easy. That was our next thing.
That actually wasn't going to be. It is the best blue.
Best Pantone of all time. They literally pay to only be the only school that has that.
Yeah. It is sweet.
It is the best. The best.
The absolute best. P.T., I think we should go two or three.
Yeah, let's go with number two. Yeah, okay.
Let's go number two. Go for it.
Easy one. The ocean.
Fuck. That was so blue.
Is the ocean? No, Billy, don't do that. You know it's fucking blue.
It's blue. You ever been to the Caribbean, Billy? Wait, so if you scoop up ocean water and put in a clear cup.
Is it the sky? Did you just say that was going to be your pick? I'm just asking questions. When you look at the ocean, what color is it?

Well, that's the reflection of the sky.

Yes.

No, wait, are you saying the ocean's blue because it's reflecting the sky?

That is actually why the ocean is blue.

No, it's light.

Yeah, because it's reflecting off the sky.

No, the Caribbean is blue.

Because of the sky. It's still blue even when there's clouds fact no yeah yeah no the ocean is blue yeah no billy real quick if you're drawing an ocean what color crayon you taking out yeah but like in and it's like it's the question answer the question i'll answer your question before but you have to answer mine first uh sometimes if it depends on if it's like brackish if what type of inlet your teachers much the ocean is blue but why did they pick green for land grass yeah yeah i mean when you look at the earth yeah we look at the earth from outer space all right dumb question what is.
What is it? The pale blue dot? Yeah, if you're looking down from the moon, what color is the ocean? That's not a reflection of the sky. No, it is a reflection of the sky.
No. We're seeing the sky.
Yeah. And the ocean.
The light refracts off the water. No.
Either way, the ocean is blue. The ocean is blue.
I'm not debating this debating this. It's a fine pick.
It's like, is water wet? I don't know if you're right or wrong. I just know the ocean's blue.
Yes. Yeah, I mean, we lost the draft because we picked the five first.
That's fine. We'll go with Eiffel 65 on blue.
Okay, good pick. We had that on our list, too.
That's a great one. What is Eiffel 65? I'll be honest, I have no idea what that is.
It's a song. I'm Blue, da-boo-dee-da-ba-die.
That's the name of the song. I eat off a guy.
Eiffel 65, I'm Blue. I eat off a guy.
If I was green, I would die. Yeah.
Da-boo-dee-da-boo-die. I have no idea what that song is.
I have a blue house and a blue window. Get some fucking culture, Billy.
Let's go. Blue is the color.
Yeah, football. But I'll be the hero.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
Rip it. Two picks.
Any rogues? Nope. I feel confident about these.
These are both very good picks. I'm excited.
Boise State's football field. Okay.
Good pick. I didn't think of that, but that's a good pick.
Yeah, good pick. That's actually blue.
Yeah, that is blue. No, that's the sky.
Billy, did you know that sometimes geese try to land on the field? Did you know that? And sometimes they die when they try to land on the field? Because they think it's water. Yeah.
And what color would that water be, Billy? Got your ass. Blue.
Got your ass. Because he thought it was reflecting the sun.
Okay. Yeah.
So I'm glad I made a good pick. We made a good pick.
Yeah. Jake made a good time.
Holy shit, Jake. Good picture.
Get out of your own head, dude. You're good.
That was a great one. Yeah, we did.
We did. The next one.
Best flavor. Body armor? Are you doing body armor, Jake? Vito.
Vito. Vito, Vito, Vito.
Oh, my God. Jake, I'm so confident, too.
We actually had that on there. So did we, and then we were like, we can't pick this.
Let's just wait until someone else picks it. I can't believe plug God Jake just did that.
By the way, is anyone seeing this insane lightning storm? It is insane. Yeah, the thing is...
It's like the lightning... No one, no.

The answer to your question...

The listeners of the podcast right now are not...

You should just lose your pick for this.

Yeah, you should lose your pick.

Yeah, the Chargers said redacted.

Yes, it should say redacted.

And I was like, can't do it.

I put...

Well, no, you...

The...

The...

Not the...

Air all this.

Yes, we should just go...

We should bleep what he said.

And then go... And then air all this.
Vito, Vito go bleep, bleep, bleep, and then go veto, veto, veto. Jake, what a mistake.
No, no, no, no. We're all backlash.
No, no, because people are going to guess. What do you guess? Ah, yes.
And Billy just, in the middle of all that, Billy was like, anyone seen this lightning as people are listening to this podcast? Well, anyone in the office. And all the cameras are pointing towards us.
anyone in the office like no yeah no you're fired yeah you're probably fired it's fine pack your bags whoa Jake with an F-bomb you said we're still rolling what the heck now you're actually fired yeah double fired that means you're hired though congrats what's your pick I can't believe Jake just dropped an f-bomb that was really mad at himself no that was their second pick yeah no they get another one they know their second pick was uh boise and redacted redacted no i think we might need a redacted go ahead and get another pick go ahead redacted on the graphic would be electric yeah it would it, it would. It would be so good.
Redacted would be so good. People can just guess what it is.
It would be so fun. Which one? Redacted? Redacted.
This one? No, that's... It's kind of stupid.
It's kind of stupid. I can't believe that Jake did that.
They should at least have to pick. Their next pick should be last.

Oh, they should lose your spot.

Yeah, you lose your spot.

Last two.

You get the last two.

Yeah, you get the last two.

That's fair.

All right.

Max and Hank.

It's not even.

Yeah.

No, it's hilarious.

We don't have a lot left blue raspberry flavored anything okay okay is there such a thing as a blue raspberry no yes not actually in science in stores yes yes but it doesn't actually exist in stores though yeah yeah yeah no i agree with you but like blue raspberries aren't an actual fruit. You ever know? Maybe in the Amazon or something? No, I'm pretty sure they know.
It's like white cherry. No, it's definitely not, but it is, like, the best flavor of every cake.
It is. Everyone wants the blue raspberry, like Jolly Rancher.
Yep. We had blue raspberry Jolly Rancher on our list.
Good pick. Okay.
Our penultimate pick. You like that, Jake? Yes.
Chargers powder blue uniforms. Good pick.
Shane, you know. Nice pick.
You know. Great fucking uniform.
They're so good that even though the team sucks ass. Yeah.
And probably always will. The jerseys make you think that they're good every year.
When they break it out, they're just so fast. Oh, what do you got? You doing something? I'll let Max and that's a great pick.
We ran out of our list. We didn't have much and just texted at the wire.
Yeah, we were scrambling. Well, it's our pick, right? Oh, whoa.
Okay. We should have let them go.
Thank God. They were going to go.
Yeah, we were. Oh, damn it.
You guys can go ahead. That's all right.
Go ahead. Okay.
All right. So we're going to take the blues.
The blues.

The genre of music.

The blues.

The best.

Without blues, there'd be no rock and roll.

That's a fact.

That's a stone cold fact. Isn't this kind of a repeat of the Blues Brothers?

No, that's a movie.

And also people are going to think you're talking about the team, so that doesn't matter.

That's fine.

No.

It's the blues music genre.

Big Ed does love the blues.

Big blues fans. Yeah.
St. Louis blues.
No, fuck you. Big fan.
You said the blues. The blues.
Music genre. Idiot.
B.B. King.
Robert Johnson. Like hockey? Oh, my God.
The blues. Okay, go ahead with your genius last pick.
Music genre. Howlin' Wolf.
Bo Diddley. Last pick.
Should we go on and on and on? Kenny Wayne Shepard. Elvis.
Stevie Ray Vaughan. Nobody listening knows any of these people.
They should. That's disrespectful to our audience, Max.
Yeah, that is. Okay.
Very disrespectful. And Stevie Ray Vaughan died in a fucking helicopter crash.
Yeah, piece of shit. Got any Kobe jokes, Max? Yeah.
Nope. Yeah.
Oh, what about the one you were telling us before we started recording? I'm not clever enough for Kobe jokes. Well, the one you told us is pretty damn good and really hurtful.
We could go all night with you, Max. Can I go? Yeah, go ahead.
Can I make the pick? Yeah. Shout out Dallas Goddard.
Bluetooth. Okay, Bluetooth.
Nice. Good pick.
Everyone in this room uses Bluetooth every single day. Probably one of the greatest inventions in modern era.
Nah. It's all right.
Nah. It's a great pick.
Great pick. It's not that good of a pick.
In 10 years, nobody's going to use Bluetooth. That's a fact.
We're going to be next on. It's going to be.
What is it? When was the last time you listened to a blues song, PST? Earlier this morning, actually. Yeah.
Actually, when we were driving, we had the blues on the car. You were listening to it.
No, you liked it. You were fucking singing along, tapping your fucking feet.
Yeah. I listen to the blues all the time.
Little wing. I wake up to little wing almost every morning.
I wake up to little wing. If you don't respect the blues, you don't like music.
It's literally the foundation piece of all music. Yep.
That's a fact. Okay.
You guys have your last two picks. What? Go ahead.
Little Wing isn't a blues song? Little Wing is definitely a blues song. Jimi Hendrix? Yeah.
So you don't know what the blues are. Jimi Hendrix played a fuckload of blues.
Every one of your favorite rock bands has a basis in blues. Yeah.
No, I'm down with blues. Okay.
All right. We're going to go with blue jeans.
Okay. That's a good pick.
Probably the most American thing ever. That's actually a great fourth round pick.
Yeah. Third round.
Third round. Oh, yeah, because there's third round.
Specifically Muggsy jeans. Muggsy jeans.
Nice. He's back.
We love Muggsy. He's back.
Okay. Yeah.
All actually such a advanced they're just they embody the American spirit all the buttons on them and stuff are like built different yep yeah it's like it's pretty awesome it is okay totally revolutionary okay go ahead I think this is a good one last pick no I think that one's kind of kind of what there's better picks out there what were you gonna say though Billy it's kind of... Kind of what?

There's better picks out there.

What were you going to say, though, Billy? It's kind of what?

What are yours?

Go Rogue.

Jake doesn't believe in you, Billy.

Jake doesn't believe in you.

He thinks you're an imbecile.

But you can show him that you're a smart boy.

Stand up for yourself, Billy.

Go Rogue.

Come on.

You know what?

Thank you. He thinks you're an imbecile, but you can show him that you're a smart boy.
Stand up for yourself, Billy.

Go rogue.

Come on.

You know what?

Give the audience what they want, Billy.

Do you like either of these?

Come on, Billy.

Go rogue.

Fuck this.

Jake's trying to put you in a box.

No one puts you in a box.

Do you like either of these?

You know that you can connect with the AWS, Billy.

Billy, they're young, just like you.

Come on, Billy.

There's a lot of dead air.

He doesn't have...

No, no, no, no, no.

Talk to me.

Talk to me.

Talk to me.

No.

No, no.

Talk to me.

Oh, okay.

Nice.

Nice.

Nice.

Do it.

No, we got to do it.

He wants to pick...

You have two picks.

We'll decide which one's better.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah.

Go ahead.

Blue Crystal Meth from Breaking Bad. Okay.
Not bad. Jake, what was yours? I was going to say Sonic the Hedgehog.
Oh. Hmm.
I think Sonic might win that one. Who doesn't love Sonic? He's so fast.
Yeah, he is so fast. He rolls down those hills.
All right. I think Sonic should be your last one.
Sonic the Hedgehog. Yes.
What about Blue's Clues? That could have counted, too. let's do honorable mentions i have a lot i didn't want to i didn't want to uh self pander but stella blue stella blue coffee would have been good coffee but i didn't want to do that you know that i have integrity for the game uh we had we should have done that we had jake uh, should have done that.
Yeah. If he cared.

He would never think.

He almost picked Starbucks, bro.

He probably did.

He probably wanted to.

He's like, well, if you're a little colorblind, the green kind of looks like blue, uh, blue,

blue freeze pop, blue airheads.

Yeah.

I need blue candy.

Yeah.

My favorite color.

Blueberries.

Yeah.

Cause they're all blue raspberry flavored.

You guys ever do the thing with airheads where you shake them and they shrink? Yeah. Hank, I'm surprised you didn't pick this one.
Blue whale. Your whale guy.
Yeah. The sky.
The sky. Is the sky actually blue? I was going to take the sky, but that was kind of the ocean thing.
Yeah, no, it's actually a reflection of the sea. I want to pick waterfalls, but I feel like that also is...
Another one that you guys would have said is too dated, but sinatra's eyes old blue eyes yeah if we had just picked blue eyes that would have been that would have played but a little bit yeah it would have yeah so i texted that to hank and then he was like problematic you would have walked into me and pft's trap area yeah but frank sinatra's eyes that was PFT in alley-oop. I wasn't trying to give him.
There was a moment where PFT and I were just sitting on the couch looking up dude's eyes. We're like Bradley Cooper.
Yeah. Cal Ripken Jr.
Frank Sinatra. I want to take Cal Ripken Jr.'s eyes and begets.
Like that might be a little niche. Yeah.
But he does have incredible eyes. Great blue eyes.
Incredible eyes. Anything else? Blue man group? Blue Man Group.
Frauds. Frauds.
What? Why? There's 100,000 of them. Yeah, of course.
It's a franchise? Yeah. Wait, I didn't know that.
Yeah. You thought it was like three guys? Yeah.
It's the Blue Man Group, not the Blue Man Groups. But it's in more than one city.
It's in more than one city. Yeah.
Like Lin-Manuel Miranda is more. Bands travel.
Not just him as Alexander Hamilton. No, that's right.
Bands travel. I thought that it that it was one blue man group me too I thought it was the same three guys for the last 20 years I mean they're still funny and cool frauds no frauds yeah frauds absolute fraud alert I'm gonna be honest they scare the shit out of me okay that's a different conversation I don't know why than what we're having right now but yeah okay that's probably good input they remind you of cops yeah no because if you have a band you like and then you show up and it's four different guys playing the same music.
It's a cover band, not the band. Interesting that Billy didn't pick the thin blue line.
Cubby blue. Obviously, I can't.
That one wouldn't have played for White On. Yeah, Cookie Monster.
Cookie Monster's a good one. Yeah, we had Argentina soccer jerseys.
Those are nice. You just picked jerseys.
Yeah, we probably did. We like jerseys.
Is that okay with you? It's a sports podcast. You're wearing a jersey.
It's the most popular sport in the world. It's a great jersey.
You're wearing a blue jersey right now. You're wearing a blue jersey saying you just picked jerseys.
I mean, yeah, fair. Weezer, the blue album.
Yep. Great album.
Yep. Did Third Eye Blind have an album called Blue?

Wasn't good.

Blue Ivy.

Oh, was that the one that had...

I never let you down.

That's basically just stealing our pick from the red draft.

Yeah, but we didn't pick it, though.

Yeah.

No, we didn't.

It's honorable mentions, Max.

I'm just saying.

So it's not stealing your pick.

No, it would have been, though.

And you talk shit on that pick.

Yeah, Blue was the name of that album.

Okay, what else?

Blue Cheese.

Yeah, Blue Cheese.

That was a miss.

I don't like Blue Cheese.

I love Blue Cheese.

You'll grow to love it, Jake.

Yeah.

Yelling at a baseball game, Blue.

Yeah, that is a good one.

Come on, Blue.

You're blowing the game.

You're my boy, Blue.

Oh, yeah.

Blue whatever is last. That one always plays.
Penicillin. Penicillin? Is Penicillin Blue? Yeah.
Viagra. Oh, yeah.
Damn it. Adam.
Damn it. You just jaked yourself.
What? Hymns. Roman.
Well, yeah. They have generic equivalent of Viagra.
Yeah, you can get four hints. Sildenafil.

Oh, wow. It's cheaper four hints.

Billy had that one off the title. That's going down the list

of pills that are blue. No, no,

but that's the generic name. Oh.

For Viagra. I think so.
Or Cialis.

Hmm. One of them is really good for

Gaines. Toothpaste.
For Gaines, though.

Only for Gaines.

Okay. I think that was a good

Mount Rushmore. Yeah.
That's what Jake did. Redacted.
As we progress through the season, every fan knows that big wins are hard to come by and tough losses are even harder to accept. But you know what isn't hard to accept? Discover.
Believe it or not, Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide you heard that right 99 so make a good call for your wallet and get discover based on the february 2024 nielsen report learn more at discover.com credit card okay let's wrap up the show with a little monday reading by the way wed Wednesday, we are going to do Coach Tears, which is a reminder to ourselves. The January 27th episode.
I have to listen back to the context, but I have the reminder for this Tuesday. I like this.
It feels good. Right time.
We were going to do a Coach Draft, I think. Oh, NFL Head Coach Draft.
And then we'll put out a tear in this afterwards. Yeah.
So we'll do a draft of coaches. January 27th opening segment.
I have to listen back. So what are we going to do? We each get six guys? Yeah.
No, seven guys. And then four go undrafted.
It's the four of us. Yeah.
Well, I might not be here depending on the time, but we'll see. And Hank also might not be here depending on the time.
All right. So we'll go ten guys each.
Okay. If I'm here, we'll do seven.
And the two that aren't drafted, that's going to suck. Can you franchise tag a coach? They should allow it.
You should allow it. If you allow it for players, allow it for the coaches.
Okay, I look forward to the coach draft. That's going to be interesting.
I remember this conversation we had on January 27th. Was it like championship week or something? Yeah, we were just talking about the best coaches that you would want

right now on your team,

who the best coaches are.

Yeah.

And then we're like,

we should do a draft this summer.

That's the one thing

that we've never drafted.

Yeah.

Who's not going to get drafted?

Probably two new guys.

Oh, the weirdo guy from Cardinals.

Pew, pew, pew.

Yeah.

The new Eagles cast-offs.

Yeah.

Because I will draft Eberflus.

I won't let him.

Shots.

I won't let my guy go.

Shots. Explosives.
Explosives. We're going to get youflus.
I won't let him. Shots.
I won't let my guy go. Shots.

Explosives.

Explosives.

We're going to get you vertical.

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

Yeah, those guys will probably.

Yeah.

We'll just say it right now.

They're not going to get drafted.

No.

Okay, perfect.

So there are 30 guys to pick from, and we'll get 30 teams of 10.

Okay.

Monday reading.

Yeah, so you remember last week we talked about girl dinner. Yes.
Which is an entirely new way to eat dinner that only girls do, which is they sit down, they have small snacks. Which no one else has done.
That's a brand new hot trend. And, well, there was a response in GQ Magazine about the male version of girl dinner, which is called husband meal.
Okay. So husband meal.
The writer says she first entertained the concept of husband meal when after a few trips in a row, I noticed that my husband would always mention ordering from the same mediocre restaurant down the block that I'm never really in the mood for. Adulthood requires you to make smart and sane choices every day and also not to gross out your wife, he explained Which is why I wait until you're out of town To order and eat an entire enchilada platter Sometimes with a side of wings It's reverting to total bachelorhood for about half an hour Yeah What she doesn't understand is that even when she's home He's secretly wishing that he ordered this stuff every meal So when she leaves, he's like, okay Finally I can get this and not have you look at me sideways like why are we ordering from that junk place i so i know what my husband meal is and it's just a disgusting amount of ice cream yeah and i i can actually show you this is i'm gonna hank you can read off my order this is for me me and me alone.
I think I ordered a few. Let's see.
Oh, yeah. Here we go.
Go ahead. Read that off.
This is my husband. One Chocolicious with caramel cups and peanut butter cups.
Another Chocolicious large with Reese's Pieces and Butterfinger. That sounds elite.
And one Tahitian vanilla bean frozen yogurt with Butterfinger and Reese's Pieces. So two smalls and a large with a lot of Reese's Pieces and peanut butter cups.
I don't know. I got to smash reorder.
I think it's like 45 bucks of ice cream. And ice cream doesn't really travel that well.
Do you eat the smaller than the large than the small? I mix the vanilla and the chocolate on the first go around. Usually do a layer of Butterfinger on the bottom of the bowl.
And then I'll do Reese's Pieces mixed in. And then I'll come back to the last chocolate.
Like after I watch, you know, like, I mean, who doesn't burn some calories watching like some baseball?

Didn't you live stream like eating a pint when you got a million followers

during COVID?

Yeah, that was light work.

This is like three pints.

But yeah, that's, you basically, I think what they're saying is that

it's when you can basically have no judgment in your home.

You just go crazy.

And yes, I do that.

So she goes on.

So he orders the enchilada platter sometimes with a side of wings. She replies, I didn't even know this place served wings.
How deep did this conspiracy go? Every restaurant serves wings. And he's always thinking about ordering wings.
And he's just always like, she'll never let me order the wings here. It's starting to sound to me like the author of this, Gabriela Paella.
That's a delicious yeah uh she does not she judges her husband quite a bit yes she won't let her husband live his true life and also just to note it is a side of wings which is the perfect part here because it's every every guy's like whoa what if i just warmed up with some wings it's like you don't run a marathon before you do a little stretching. Like, got to eat the wings before I eat the meal.
Also, I don't think that it's that out of bounds to say enchiladas and wings don't go together. Like, sides go with anything.
I don't believe in the idea that one type of meal, like if you order a steak, then mashed potatoes are the side to that. But if you order pasta, guess what? Mashed potatoes is a great side for pasta, too.
You could name any meal. Any side works with any meal.
But you could also name any meal, and I could spin zone it how it works with wings. Yeah.
Like mashed potatoes and steak with wings? Yes. Yeah, that's a cool down.
No, that's a cool down. You're cooling your body down.
The fact Jake disagrees is incredibly low. Tacos yeah, yeah.
That's perfect. Tacos, wings, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Jake, have you ever dipped a wing in mashed potatoes?

No, that sounds awesome.

It's really good.

Yeah.

It's really good.

All sides, if you like a side, it works with any main course that you also like.

Yeah.

No, you're spot on, though, that Jake not realizing that wings go with everything is

really proof that wings go with everything.

I'll try it. Go wings with everything.
I posed the question to yet another set of couple friends. The husband answered with Taco Bell, though he showed a screen grab of a group chat in which he sent a photo of a can of salmon on a hamburger bun, prompting another participant to say that it was divorce guy energy.
And yet, absolutely husband meal. Okay.
Your husbands just want to order good food.

And it sounds like you're not letting them order delicious things.

This sounds like a real problem in your marriage.

Also, ladies, not to break your heart here, but if that group text is real, what he's

not showing you is the dump he also sent to his friends because that 100% happened.

He's like, look at this.

My wife's out of town.

The salmon burger. The salmon burger ran right through me, boys.
Yeah, salmon burger. I don't like salmon burger, guy.
Well, yeah, I'd rather have a hamburger. Yeah, well, I'd rather have any burger.
Okay, so she asked other people and the other husbands, these beat down poor souls that are afraid to enjoy their true loves of food. He says a grocery store rotisserie chicken over the sink, a gigantic wok full of spam fried rice that i will eat for dinner put the rest in the fridge and then over the course of the next day just grab out of the fridge and eat big spoonfuls of cold i have another one i'm ready to admit so it's it just dawned on me because i just moved back to chicago there's a place, a Chinese place where I love one of their, I love two of their dishes.
And there's a noodles place that I love the crabber and goons in another dish. I would order from both places for dinner.
Yeah. And just do a.
That's not weird. Noodles in Chinese? It would be like three entrees and an appetizer from two different places for myself.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Because I was like, I love this from here. I love that from there.
Why can't I get it all? So in New York, there were two deliveries. You feel like disgusting about yourself.
Even when the household would split. Like when I was growing up, if I got one thing and my siblings got another, it's like, what if they show up at the same time? Yeah.
No, they would oftentimes show up at the same time. They have to fight.
Yeah, this fat ass again. Only one person gets to make this delivery.
Yeah, but I am a fat ass and you are a fat ass if you order delivery dinner from two different places at the same time. In New York, I used to look at two different Cajun restaurants and I really liked the gumbo at one of them, but their jambalaya wasn't as good.
And the other Cajun place made great jambalaya, but not good gumbo. So I'd order the jambalaya from one, the gumbo from the other.
The Cajun delivery guys would show up. It's a wonder nobody got killed.
Yes. But you like what you like.
Sometimes I used to go get a hamburger at McDonald's or cheeseburger. And then I would, no, sorry, other way around.
I would get the hamburger at Whataburger. Then I would drive across the street to McDonald's to get their fries to make the perfect fast food lunch.
I would do two large Jimmy John's subs. I'd go one and a half for lunch and then a half at like three o'clock.
Yeah. Or you get pot belly, but then you order the pickle from Jimmy John's.
Yes. Their pickle's way better.
Yes. Yes.
This guy says, mostly I just eat my kid's food. Best case scenario is Bell and Evans frozen tenders or Annie's mac and cheese.
Sometimes something weirder like Dr. Prager's broccoli littles or fish sticks.
This guy sucks. Yeah.
This guy shouldn't be allowed to comment on husband meal. Fish sticks? Yeah.
You're going fish sticks? Yeah. Jesus Christ.
To be clear, husband meal is not the result of a helpless 1950s era man left to his own devices. It's 2023.
Men know how to cook and they regularly do some at home. They care about restaurants.
They still watch Top Chef and have opinions on single origin spices. I don't think we do.
No. Does anybody here have an opinion on single origin spices? Yeah, I don't.
Don't care. No, my lack of opinion is an opinion i i will never care about single origin spices by the time just sounds like uh an entire article about frank's cooks you know what this sounds like to me like did you see his chili dogs there is uh yeah did you see his chicken that he pounded out in the kitchen and just salmon salmon l went flying all lacrosse.
I'll it. I'm going to take it to it.
They say by the time they've reached their thirties and forties, they've had to develop taste in all aspects of their lives. Partly I assume because of the beautiful and perfect women with whom they live.
This just seems like she wanted to write an article just insulting her husband. Yeah.
Like look how gross he is when I'm not around him. Yeah.
He needs me every day to take care. He needs me to wipe his mouth off after he's done.
If it wasn't for me, he'd be dead of malnutrition somewhere just because the poor guy wanted to order a side of wings with his enchiladas. Wait till she finds out what we do at the hotel lobby little mini mart.
Yeah. I fucking go crazy in there.
Yeah. I go fucking nuts.
Yeah. Basically, when you take your husband to a movie, the candy that he orders, that is ideally what he would like to eat every night that you're out.
Yes. Yes.
There's a big bag of Junior Mints, gigantic popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, and maybe some chocolate covered peanuts. Yeah.
This is crazy. Come on.
These guys should get to do do what they all right here here's another alternative uh instead of him ordering like 70 worth of taco bell he could cheat on you yeah so which one's better yeah right the husband meal might be another pussy yeah husband meals pretty good when you put it into context yeah this is pretty good if this is if this is the biggest complaint that you have about your guy, you're doing all right. Right, right.
Husband meal. I love it.
It's almost like she uses the term husband as a slur, too. Yes.
The H word. This gross guy I live with, he orders a shitload of food when I'm out of town.
My husband eats Mexican food and fried chicken at the same time. I haven't.
It's a piece of shit. I will say I't thought about the the double order dinner in a long time and that that does kind of gross me out thinking no it doesn't it doesn't it's such a good again it's a strong move yeah it's just some some places have great dishes and in this one place had great crab rangoon so it's like i have to get those and i have to also get these why Why not both? That's pretty much what a husband meal is.

It's the meme.

Why not both?

I think I want to eat.

I think I want to eat a dinner with this chick's husband.

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah.

Just sit on the couch.

Use your sock as your napkin.

Yeah.

Sounds like a great night.

That's what every guy wants to do.

Yeah.

Not wear a shirt probably.

Yeah.

Just tops off in case you spill on yourself.

I can't eat without a shirt on.

I can't do a lot of things without a shirt on.

Why not?

I mean, have you seen me?

It's getting bad.

Yeah, but... shirt probably yeah just tops off in case you spill on yourself i can't eat without a shirt on i can't do a lot of things without a shirt on why not i mean have you seen me it's getting bad yeah but if you're gonna be sick if you eat without a shirt on that you don't have to do laundry afterwards why'd you give me that face you don't think i should do a zempick are you gonna be one of those haters who calls me fat and being like you're gonna die of diabetes and then when i lose 30 pounds in ozempick they're gonna be like you cheater i've seen you lose weight before dude it's harder now you know what this seems like to me it seems like hank wants to keep you fat so no one else will love you no i've seen my my 800 pound life or whatever those people's partners are fucked up the problem is the problem is when you have kids i i pretend that my kids are fully grown adults so So when I order, like I took my four and two-year-old out to dinner tonight.
There was actually some stoolies in the restaurant who can be like, yep, this did happen. I ordered two huge entrees, and they maybe ate like a little piece of both.
And I was like, oh, yeah, he'll have this. Like the other night I ordered Chinese.
I was like, oh, yeah, my four-year-old, yeah, he'll do the Kung Pao chicken.

He didn't fucking touch it.

And I had, like, so that's my problem is I'm pretending every time I order,

I'm ordering for five, including my fucking two-month-old,

and it's really just for me.

So that's the problem.

I can't lose weight anymore. And you get to eat off the kids' menu a lot.

Yo, dude, I have a grilled cheese with every single time I go out.

The kids' menu food are raw. I have a side of grilled cheese.
Mac and cheese. It's amazing.
It's going to have to be Ozempic or Monjaro, whatever it's called. Charles Barkley.
If Chuck does it, I feel like, I know his whole thing is I'm not a role model, but he is in this respect. So you're going to support me? Has he lost weight? Yeah, he's lost a lot of weight.
Chuck?

Yeah.

He's just done the Monjaro.

I think that's what it's called.

Monjaro.

Listen.

Monjaro?

San Antonio only?

I'm being.

I feel like I'm the opposite of like all these Hollywood celebs who do it and don't say they do it.

And they're like, oh, I've just been working out.

If I start this Ozempic, I'm going to tell everyone.

What even is Ozempic? It just makes you not hungry. It's just a pill? It like, oh, I've just been working out.
If I start this Ozempic, I'm going to tell everyone. What even is Ozempic?

It just makes you not hungry.

It's just a pill?

It's a shot, I think.

Yeah, I know that part.

There's probably no side effects whatsoever to it.

None.

Exactly.

It's not going to affect your mood at all. We all know these drugs.

They've been coming out for the last 50 years.

They're appetite suppression drugs that will not fuck you up in any way possible.

Fine. I'll try the old-fashioned way again.
And it's going to fail again. Keto.
All right. Sure.
Are we going to do numbers still? Yeah, we got to. Let's just do random numbers.
This is just going to be the... It's going to be like the dead ball error.
Like, when we look back on it, it's like, no one counts these numbers these numbers. Give me 85.
Give me 17. Okay.
I'll take 69. Are you watching? Are you watching? Harry, you want one? What number? Have you ever gotten this? 27.
I can't wait until we get the new lottery ball machine for our new office, and you will never have gotten it.

It's going to be great.

You're not going to get it.

I'm going to get it first.

No, you aren't.

And then you're not going to want to do it anymore.

Do you want to bet it?

A thousand bucks right now, you don't get it first.

Before you.

No, no.

You don't get it first.

That's bad odds.

Well, yeah.

No, duh.

One v.

One.

Okay.

Deal.

Deal.

All right.

33.

Larry Bird.

All right.

I thought... 1v1 okay deal deal all right 33

Larry Bird

all right

so we're not adding this to the record

or any of that

oh return the charger

okay thank you

perfect timing

all right we'll see everyone Wednesday

love you guys I'll be gone.

I'll drink my tea.

I'll be left to sit.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

Stay up to me.

It's no better to be safe than sorry.

It's no better to be safe than sorry. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah You're not your chance.
Stay safe. He's in love.
Just stay my way. Oh Thank you.
Take on me.

Take on me.