The 2023 Takie Awards

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I mean, where else can you pair wall-to-wall hoops with hard-to-find whiskey? Only at Twin Peaks, the number one sports bar. On today's part of my take, the 2023 takeies are here.
We have over 20 categories. We have Blake of the Year.
We have guest presenters. We have podcast listeners of the year.
The AWL is going for eight in a row. Hopefully they get it.
get it a huge huge show one of our favorite shows to do every single year the takeies are here ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariot ariot work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and

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Okay, let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no, we're We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to Pardon My Take.
Today is Friday, July 14th.

And welcome to the 2022-2023 Takeys.

Yeah.

The most magical night of the sports year.

We're so glad that you guys could join us again.

The seven-time award-winning listeners.

Going for eight.

The eight-peat.

Never been done before in sports. Lewis Hamilton.
Lewis Hamilton. UNC women's soccer.
Yeah. Dynasty.
Are the AWLs bad for podcast listeners? It might be. So there are 28, I believe, awards we're giving out tonight.
Just as an aside, we were so stupid to do an award show in the middle of the summer

because then we always get just confused about when the year starts and ends.

Yeah.

I was like, I hate that we did that.

That was really dumb of us.

I was thinking that the other day, like shout out to baseball.

They have their entire season in one year.

It's beautiful.

It's the best thing about the game.

You don't have to think about anything else.

Yeah.

It's like, oh yeah, it happened in this year.

What do you mean?

What went to the Super Bowl?

No, these are the takeies from around last year this time to around this year this time. We've got some great, great categories, some classics, some repeats.
We've got some originals. It's a good show.
I'm excited. By the way, cheers to everyone.
Cheers. Cheers to the takeies.
We're all dressed up if you're watching on the YouTube. it's a Friday drink along Billy doesn't even really drink anymore what color you think of when you see that can depends on the blue let's go alright here we go so 28 awards we're giving out give or take we are going to get through all of them we're going to have Blake of the year towards the end we're giving out, give or take.
We are going to get through all of them.

We're going to have Blake of the Year towards the end.

We're going to have the Podcast Listeners of the Year towards the end.

We're very excited for this program.

We're ready to go.

Should we kick it off?

Should we get it going?

We also have a few celebrity presenters of awards.

Any last words before we get going with the takey?

I'm excited to see who wins. How many years? Is there eighth takeies eighth takeies yeah we started in 2016 so this is 2023 yeah i'm gonna say it right now 10th takeies we gotta fucking we gotta do it no i was gonna say we gotta do a live show i'll be nude for the live show we gotta do a live show 10th takeies vegas this is a big time That's two years from now That'd be so cool though Live show Hawaii What about Hear me out responsibly What if we did a live show In Vegas What if we did a live show in Vegas,

sold it out, took that money,

put it on red?

That would be fun.

Responsibly. It would be

our hard work, so that's responsible.

Yeah, it's our hard work. We'll think about it.
I think we should do

the 10th year live show

with special guests.

I think we should do it somewhere random.

How about Las Vegas?

Or what if we did like a pop-up?

We're just like, hey, we're here.

We're just in a random spot.

What about Black Rock, Colorado?

Okay.

Red Rocks.

Black Hawk.

Okay.

Temecula.

Meet us in Temecula.

Afghanistan.

Just throwing out some things.

North Korea.

A lot of riders.

Kim Jong-un.

Huge AWL. Big time.
Okay. Prague.
Him and Jake both getting holes in one all the time. Yes.
Not fake. Totally real.
Real, real, real. Your holes in one are just as real, Jake.
Okay. Should we get going? Let's do it.
So first up, the Takey Award for Two Online Person of the Year. It's been a lot of people who've been two online this year.
Deep field. We have nominees.
Elon Musk. Elon Musk bought Twitter, got very much online, bought it as a joke to basically troll everyone.
And then he also got revealed to have a burner account that is his son, I think. He he's cosplaying as his son yeah some of his burner account tweets were this is my first tweet uh crypto is confusing it's a three-year-old so now to understand yeah it's confusing for me too only one person is following me sigh uh it's relatable for the love of god can someone follow me, please follow me.
And then finally his last tweet from his burner account is, uh, on April 24th, I will finally turn three on May 4th in the words of Elon Musk. Interesting.
Interesting. So he was very much online concerning so online that you can't get it.
It's very online. He was very online all year.
Well, he spent $44 billion because he's so online. To get online.
Yeah. Billy.
Billy Football is nominated for this take. All right.
Very much online this year. Oh, Billy broke out in a cold sweat the other day when Reddit was down.
Oh, yeah. Where am I going to learn about what I should think at any given moment? Yes.
Billy was very much online all year. A lot of I saw a study a study.
I saw a reply to we're still waiting for the picture of Jimmy Butler's mom with Michael Jordan. He hasn't been able to find that.
He keeps claiming what was on TikTok. I don't know how to find it.
So Billy was very online. What do you say, Billy? You were pretty online this year.
Yeah, it's because I'm always grinding, looking for stories, doing my job job uh that's that's where i gotta sift through a lot of trash to find some gold and put it out there so yeah well i mean i'm glad to be here you did break the the we got weights and fish story because of how online you are yeah yes well congrats yeah i've i've realized one new thing that billy says when you can tell that he's about to lie about something or quote misinformation he'll say it has been been said that. And then he'll go on and say the thing.
Yes, that's the new that's a new trigger phrase that he's got. Yes.
Yes. Next up, we have Michael Palace from gang at gang green palace.
This was during, I believe, the Thursday night football game. Dolphins versus Bengals.
When two of got severely concussed off of a concussion he had the week before, got stretchered off in a cart. He tweeted, I don't give a shit if you cancel me over this, but Tua concussion equals January 6, 2021.
So very much online. Very, very online.
Basically taking the most online things and melding them together. His brains have an insurrection against itself.
It was quite a take. Next up in the two online category, we have Chris Sims, also related to us.
So we talked about a couple months ago the passing of the founder of Two Anon. Chris Sims got triggered about a man passing away who who had four kids was a veteran and he was like

well he was mean to me online so i don't mourn him yeah he was basically like uh well yeah i guess

it's sad that that he passed away but also he was the guy that used to he used to say mean stuff to

me and you know i don't have any time for like he was a symbol of larger hate on the internet no

he just liked football a whole lot and he was funny and creative and he basically makes our

jobs because the fans that are that

Thank you. Like he was a symbol of larger hate on the internet.
No, he just liked football a whole lot. And he was funny and creative.
And he basically makes our jobs because the fans that are that passionate are the people who listen to the shows. But yeah, Chris Sims, a little too online to not be able to take a step back and be like, oh, a man tragically lost his life leaving four kids.
He was like, no, but remember that time he quote tweeted one of my Tua takes? That was very me. Once in a while i get the feeling that is the top button that he's got button there just it cuts off the circulation of the brain a little bit it's like a little missoula a little bit and then finally uh we have rg3's thread which people are still talking about to this day if the denver nuggets players each had a dipping sauce what sauce best describes them and they were all the exact same description yeah sometimes tangy sometimes sweet yes so RG3 very much online when his uh contribution to the NBA finals was what are these guys as sauces yeah he had actually a really great tweet a couple days ago it was the thread that was going around put a picture of you at, yeah.
Doing something awesome. And the picture was just him and his family.
Oh, nice. Because that's his most important job is being a dad.
He should have done it as him as Subway RG3. Remember that? Remember when they made RG3 out of Subway sandwiches? Out of meat.
Yeah. That was a great one.
Sick. Okay.
The winner. Drum roll.
The winner of the two online person of the year goes to Elon Musk. Congrats, Elon.
Congrats to Elon. He was so online, he bought a website to be more online and control all the online.
There also was a report that not only do you have a burner account, but he was able to seize an account that he wanted for a very long time because he bought it so there could be a chance he bought twitter for 44 billion dollars just to get a single account back all of he probably bought it so that he could log in to his ex-girlfriend's account and then refollow himself yes yes so uh congratulations to elon wins the first takey of the year uh we will we will have all the takeys listed on twitter tomorrow we will congratulate But congratulate Elon. Hopefully he- Come on the show, yeah.
Yeah, come on the show. You're the true online person of the year.
You'll see it because you're online. Okay, next up, PFT.
Okay, next up, we have the Just Chill Out Man of the Year. A lot of great nominees for the Just Chill Out Man of the Year.
First off, we have Shannon Sharp. Shannon sharp is nominated for saying that he wanted to pour honey all over lebron james when lebron james said that if you see him in a fight him and a grizzly bear uh better start rooting for the bear and shannon sharp said well i'm gonna pour honey on you king oh the king part is the part the king part is tough that's the weird he wants.
As somebody pointed out, he wants to glaze LeBron James, quite literally. What was the exact quote? Is I'm pouring honey on you, king, or something like that? I'm pouring honey on you, goat? Yeah, pouring.
Let's see. I'm pulling it up right now.
Yeah. I'm pouring honey on you, goat.
It's illegal to kill a bear unless under attack. Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face.
He wants to pour honey all over LeBron. Next nominee is Shannon Sharp.
Oh. For trying to fight John Morant at the game.
So just chill out. Just chill out, Shannon.
Yeah. Maybe he was on something.
Yeah, he may have had a point. Next nominee is Shannon.
Well, no. I mean, he definitely needs to chill out if he's trying to fight John Morant.
Yes. He's going to get shot.
Yes. By the way, we should have done...
Number one person you don't want to fuck with. Just an honorary takey.
Just throw it out there. We'll just give the takey.
We should do Gun Wielder of the Year, John Morant. You won it.
Yeah. We forgot to do John Morant.
Alex Baldwin? Yeah. Yeah.
Good one, Billy. That was two years ago.
That was two years ago. Come on, Billy.
So he can't win. Yeah, so make that graphic too.
John Morant, gun wielder of the year. Shannon Sharp is also nominated for protesting Skip Bayless.
Yes. When Skip was talking about what the NFL schedule was going to be like within minutes of DeMar collapsing on the field, and then Shannon Sharp just didn't go on the show the next day.
Yeah. Chill out.
Also, I'm going to toss an extra nominee, Shannon Sharp, for when he cried on the air saying goodbye to Skip Bayless and thanking him. Who's going to win this? said that he wasn't going to toss an extra nominee Shannon Sharp For when he cried on the air Saying goodbye to Skip Bayless

And thanking him

Who's going to win this?

He said that he wasn't going to cry

And then he proceeded to cry everywhere

And then the final nominee is Shannon Sharp

For grabbing my elbow

And approaching me from behind

And getting all horned up

Because he saw my ass

Okay

This is going to be

The winner

Of the Just Chill Out Man of the year

Is brought to

I'm saying it

I'm saying it

Relax

Calm down

Thank you. This is going to be the winner of the Just Chill Out Man of the Year.
I'm saying it. I'm saying it.
Relax. Calm down.
Calm down. The winner is brought to you via celebrity guest.
Oh, this one you've got. Or did Hank get it? I got it.
Did you get this? Hank got it. Nice.
Give you a clue. We haven't seen any of these.
He's been an award presenter, I think, every year. Nice.
Shoot ice. Everyone's shoe nice again.
Basically, as a guest on this episode of Pardon My Take, I'm going to put on my ding face and announce that the takey for Just Chill Out Man Award

goes to Shannon Sharp

for his weirdly erratic Instagram post

defending LeBron's honor.

Just chill out, Shan.

Either way,

we'll see you next episode of Pardon My Take. Yankee.
Thanks, Shoe Nice. I bet Shoe Nice could eat Shannon Sharp if he was covered in honey.
I was going to say, was there an extra option to pay for him to just eat a whole thing of honey? Because he probably would have done it. Of all the things Shoe He's eating.
I watched him once eat 50 tampons. Most edible.
He ate a full cactus. Guy can eat anything.
He eats cans. Me and Max were talking about this the other day because I used to watch his videos when I was younger.
And then I remember when I got into Barstool, I was like, oh, I got to look up Shunice. I bet you he's super famous.
Yeah. Somehow.
I don't know how he didn't catch. He needs to become like a professional.
He's like Steve will do his dad. He needs to compete in the Plimpton seat on the 4th of July hot dog eating contest.
Chugging Everclear isn't really sustainable. Yeah, but he does more than that.
Did you hear about the 50 tampons? He's done everything. So I actually didn't know who Shunice was until I started working here.
Yeah. Really? Legend of the internet.
Well, Bill, your brain has been formed by here so like you you've always been in this world by the video watching shoe nice before like probably on barstool sports is what yeah i was like i was nine years old watching shoe nice the elmer's glue videos was the one that really yeah put the hook into me it listen he just drank a full bottle of elmer's glue i'll just say shoe nice being alive that's incredible he's a special human we should nominate him for still live person yes he'll get thrown in there uh okay good job congratulations shannon sharp rubbing honey on lebron he has quite a little do you think it's lebron obsession i think it started as a backlash against against skips right and then but then he he totally bought into the point where he's fantasizing about rubbing honey all over yes yes yes um okay next up lateral of the year lateral of the year new category so the nominees are cliff kingsbury from going from head coach of the arizona cardinals to uh assistant coach at usc so that's nice lateral move. Pretty much the exact same.
Just as prestigious. Yeah, just as prestigious.
I thought he was taking a year off. No, that didn't happen.
He just went to Thailand for a month and just banged it all out of his system. Yeah.
We have Derek Carr from going from the Las Vegas Raiders, where he didn't make the playoffs, to the New Orleans Saints, where he probably won't make the playoffs. Yeah, and also, I mean, in Las Vegas, what do you do? You gamble and you drink.
What do you do in New Orleans? You gamble and you drink. Unless you're Derek Carr.
You do none of those things in that city. Next up, we have Jacoby Myers for the lateral, the Patriots lateral to lose a game to the Raiders.
One of the funniest moments in... Can we actually put in that clip of Hank? No.
Reacting. Copyright.
Yeah. Max, we put in that clip.
Keep in mind, that was the only time the whole season we recorded early. Yes.
And that just happened to be. Not cool.
Mac Jones getting stiff-armed by Chandler Jones. Yes.
Oh, man. So let's actually revisit that moment.

It's a tie game.

We got a tie Patriots game.

That's true.

All right.

That sets the stage.

Oh, my God.

He just threw a pounder.

Do they know it's a tie game?

This is dangerous.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Raiders.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

That was the craziest.

Oh, my God.

Yes, can still. And then the last nominee is Kevin Durant from going from the Brooklyn Nets, who with Kevin Durant probably would have been a second round exit, maybe a first round exit.
You know, they did go first round exit to the Phoenix Suns, who were a second round exit. Good job, Kevin.
Good lateral move. Okay.
Do we have a cameo, Hank? Sure do. Yes! Okay, let's go, Hank.
So this award is brought to you by... Oh.
Nice. That's smart.
Hello, AWLs. It's me, Tim Woods, and I'm here to present the takey for lateral of the year.
And it is absolutely none other than Jacoby Myers and his lateral against the Raiders. Jacoby, come on up here and get your award.
Come on. Oh, okay.
All right, I'm seeing that he has handed the award over to Chandler Jones. It do be like that sometimes, though.
Oh, you would say it do be like that. Oh, man.
Oh, you just 20-sided died inside, Hank. That is so fucking good.
Tim Wood should just present all of our awards next year. Actually, he should be at the live show.
Yes. Oh, he should be the live show.
Yeah. We could just be in attendance.
Okay. So, lateral of the year.
Hank, any thoughts on that? I mean, that was the lateral. Yeah.
I mean, I think it was kind of unfair nominations. There was no actual other laterals besides the Jacoby Myers one.
So it was a little bit slanted, but that's fine. What about Derek Carr? Not a lateral.
No, there were other lateral moves. That's different than a lateral.
That's the same thing. Okay.
PFT, what do you got next? Okay. Next next okay next up this is a great award we love this award it's pervert of the year last year things got a little out of hand with perfect award we gave it to an italian guy who's only turns out 10 italian and then it proceeded to uh absolutely destroy his personal life on the golf course so um we're not calling max that anymore we're not the P word.
Nope. But the nominees this year for pervert of the year are Zach Wilson for banging his friend's mom.
I'm sorry. His mom's friend.
His mom's friend. His mom's friend.
Zach Wilson nominated. And then I guess his life kind of fell apart.
Next up, Dan Orlovsky. Dan Orlovsky, pervert of the year nominee for posting screenshots of him on Twitter.
And he's very clearly using incognito mode for who knows what reason. I guess he just doesn't want people to find his personal information.
Yeah. And also Dan Orlovsky for writing an entire blog post about how he doesn't masturbate.
He doesn't masturbate on the road by not ever looking at a woman. Yeah.
Dan Orlovsky is basically in the Taliban.

Yes.

Never being in a room with a woman and just crushing game film.

Yeah.

In his brain constantly, it's just my wife.

My wife.

He's like Borat.

Yes.

Next nominee is Italian people, just in general.

Italian people nominated for pervert of the year.

Max, that includes you.

Does not include Max Home.

Okay.

I was going to say, because Max Home is Italian.

He's 10% Italian. 10% Italian.
So he's like the letter P. Okay.
Not pervert. Just the letter P.
My children have all been nominated. Next up, we have Livvy Dunn.
Livvy Dunn is nominated for Rizzing Up Baby Gronk. Oh.
Baby Gronk gave her a side hug, though. Kind of curved her a little bit.
Yeah. So a lot of great nominees.
And our winner of Pervert of the Year. Hello.
This is Kelly Mortensen of Milk Manor here to present the Taki Award of Pervert of the Year. And the winner is, drumroll please, Zach Wilson of the New York Jets.
Congratulations, Zach. We're so proud of you.
Anyway, nice work. And if you keep your balls out of the dirt, maybe you could pull a couple come from behind wins.
And we all know that you're more than a man than what most girls can handle. So we hope you enjoy this award.
And we're super thrilled. But you're the one.
All right. Thank you, beautiful huge fan of her work yeah really huge fan of her shout out milf manor yes milf manor big shout out uh okay next up we have fall of the year fall of the year takey fall of the year i don't know if we had this last year, but the nominees are Jason Derulo falling at the Met Gala.

That was so funny.

Yes.

Incredible.

Incredible.

We have Joe Biden, not once, but twice.

He fell off his bicycle and then he fell giving commencement to Air Force.

Air Force.

Yep.

People say there was a sandbag.

I think he might just be old. There was a wire that was next to him.
Okay. And it looked like it was going to jump up and get him.
Yeah. So he had to act fast, and he wasn't fast enough.
We have Will Levis falling in the draft. Friend of the show, but he did fall.
He fell. He fell.
That's undisputable. He fell, but he fell to a good place.
It's out of respect. Yeah.
Out of respect. And then our last nominee is the tree at the 17th tee at the Masters.
Big time fall. It fell, but did it really fall? Because it got taken away in like five minutes.
Yes. And still incredible that no one was hurt.
I don't know what the Masters do, but they- The patrons were safe. Maybe.
Do you think someone might have died and we just would never know? Yeah, they'd just bury them.

Yeah.

Getting buried at Augusta is pretty sick.

Yeah, under the new tree.

Big dimple head move right there.

They'd have to name a bridge after you or something.

Yeah, that's true.

Okay, the winner.

Drum roll.

It's President Joe Biden.

Congrats.

Congrats, President.

Guy just can't stop falling.

And it is funny every time.

He's addicted to it. First real win.
It's also a great litmus test. First real win.
Nice, Billy. It's also a great litmus test of who just takes things way too seriously online.
Yeah, we should all be able to gather around and join hands when the president eats shit. It's like puke videos, nut shots, falls.
I can laugh at all of them. Yeah, they're great.
They're great. I hope he falls seven more times.
Yeah. I actually, when he fell and I tweeted it, I was like, look at him just pointing at a random object, being like, kill that object.
Someone was like, would you make fun of your grandmother if she fell? I was like, well, my grandmother's dead and she's not the president. So.
You kind of sign up to get made fun of by becoming president. When you fall, because guess what? Walking is one of the first things we learned to do.
Yeah. Now I'm trying to think how many times I fell this year.
It was probably three or four times. A couple trips.
A couple trips. But you know what you have? If you're young, you can play it off.
Take that next step and then just pretend like you were, you know, you meant to do it. Yeah, exactly.
She'd be like, oh, no. Who put that there?

Yeah, exactly.

He did do that. He was like, who the fuck put that thing there? It was excellent alertness on his part.
Yeah. Who put that platform there that I've been standing on for 20 minutes? Who put the earth beneath my feet? This is bullshit.
All right. So congratulations to President Joe Biden.
Next up, we have the Creeper of the Year Award. The Creeper of the Year.
First nominee, Vince McMahon, getting fired from his own job that he created and invented for, I don't know, probably like a baker's dozen sexual assault cases. Felt like a lot.
It was a lot. But then getting brought back into the fold and then selling for billions of dollars.
Yeah. An all-time Creeper comeback story.
Yeah. It's touching, really, to see.
Some may even say it pays to be a creeper. R.
Kelly's got next. If you just look at Vince McMahon.
Next up, we have Ime Udoka. Oh.
Former coach of the Boston Celtics. Nominated for Redacted.
We don't know. What did he do? It was Redacted.
Hank, did you ever dig into that? No. Nothing to find.
There was nothing there? Ring camera. That makes no sense.
Why would they fire? That would be a bad organization that would do that. Yeah.
Well, actually, you know what? Let's ask our Celtics fan. Sure.
I don't know. Okay.
That was great. What, Billy? What, Billy? Never mind.
No, say it. It's the take.
You just said, wait, you can't wait. Then never mind.
They asked him to stop coming back to the house and he just went in the back door. Oh, nice.
Little anal sex joke. No, no, it wasn't.
Like, literally, they caught him on ring camera. You know, do you know the whole story? I don story? I still don't.
This is not true.

Okay, tell us.

Billy, tell us the whole story.

The story you're about to hear is based off infactual events.

And he just went in the back door, and they caught him on the back door ring camera.

And then fucked her in the ass?

Sure.

Okay.

Where is this coming from?

I thought we all knew this.

I did not know any of this.

No.

Because it's not true.

Is this another Reddit thing, Billy?

Allegedly.

This is the Reddit thing. I'm starting to think Billy should have won two online.
For sure. No, no.
Okay. And the final nominee.
I just thought Joe Azul was a better fit. Yeah.
Final nominee. Who? The wife? Final nominee for Creeper of the Year is Darren Revell, friend of the podcast chief darren revell correspondent

darren revell himself nominated for uh the jj watt interception when jj watt was playing his last game and uh went to go talk to special needs children and darren revell uh stepped in front of the kids to congratulate and give a big hug to jj watt and congratulate him first it was uh quite a video that he willingly put out and uh what what did he say he didn't he say something like i waited all worked to get into position for 18 minutes crying emoji crying emoji 18 minutes 18 minutes of of boxing out kids with down syndrome great job darren And the presenter for Creeper of the Year is brought to you by...

Hey, we are the Island Boys here to present a tacky for Creeper of the Year.

Shout out to Darren Revelle.

You are Creeper.

You win Creeper of the Year.

Nice job, Nat Lenny.

J.J. Watt celebrates retirement with special needs children.

Hank's a bitch. The Island Boys are back.
They are back. Did they ever leave? I'm an Island Boy.
I mean, they were on the Island. From the Caribbean.
Oh, no. That was another Billy special.
No, no, no. Yeah, Billy, when we were putting together this list, Billy was like, I don't know if we can use the Island Boys.
I think that they were like with Jeffrey Epstein. And then he showed me a picture and within five seconds i debunked it as being an ai produced image that is definitely not real oh no but they're from florida yeah i know it was all starting to add up billy we should just give elon musk and billy win the two online of the guy yeah co-winners yes yeah yeah retroactively uh dude i have to be online every day it's hard you go deep though Billy, so the year.
Yeah, the co-winners. Yes, yeah.
Yeah, retroactively. Dude, I have to be online every day.
It's hard. You go deep, though.
Billy, so do we. Yeah.
I know, but you guys grew up before the internet. Yeah.
So you know what reality is. Yeah.
Okay, let's take a quick break for an ad, and then we have some more takeies on the other side. When home system or appliance breaks down american home shield will help fix or replace the covered item no matter its age visit ahs.com slash listen for 20 off any plan cahs.com slash contracts for coverage details limitations and exclusions okay next takey this is uh jake marsh's favorite award It is the wild of the year wild of the year uh jake uh i'll let you just say after each nominee uh how wild so uh what were you gonna say billy's billy looked like he's had a revelation billy you got a revelation no showy otani just hit a home run.
Okay, well, we can talk about that now.

Congratulations, Billy.

Who hit memes?

First pick.

Memes first pick. Okay.
Wild of the year. First up, we have Nikola Jokic wearing a Denver Nuggets sweatshirt as a five-year-old Serbian boy.
And then 20 years later, 23 years later, winning an NBA title, the first in franchise history with the Denver Nuggets. That's wild.
That is wild. Jake, wild? Yeah, very wild.
I mean, you would think a guy from international waters would wear a big market team. Not the Denver Nuggets.
No, wild. I think that's the first time Serbia has been referred to as international waters.
Yeah. I mean, anything outside of the U.S.
Yeah. Okay.
Next up, we have Travis Kelsey and Jason Kelsey playing against each other in the Super Bowl. And their mom was there.
Oh, that's wild. It's pretty wild, right, Jake? They're brothers? Brothers.
It's crazy. I mean, there's 32 teams.
Wait, is that crazy or wild? Uh-oh. This is wild.
Okay. The end.
It's the highest amount. There's wild and then this is wild.
Oh. Yeah.
So this is wild. This is wild.
Okay, this is wild. Next up, we have in the NCAA tournament, Florida Atlantic played the Tennessee Volunteers in, what was it, the Sweet 16? And the athletic director for both programs, they were brothers.
Oh, man, that's wild. Pretty freaking wild, if you ask me.
So it was Danny and Brian White going up against each other. I mean, think about this.
There's like 363 teams. Yeah.
Let alone those two teams making the tournament.

Let alone those two teams being in the same region.

Let alone them playing each other in Madison Square Garden.

Okay, but how many brothers are there?

That are both athletic directors?

No, just brothers in general.

Millions.

Okay.

And these are the two.

There might be more than millions.

I'm doing the math though.

There might be billions or trillions.

There probably is billions of brothers.

There's billions of brothers. billions to happen wild wild okay but i'm doing the math now you said 360 i think there's 363 now 363 teams the brothers face off how many nfl teams are there 32 and bro so that okay i don't want don't want to jump ahead.
That sounds more wild to me.

Yeah.

Well,

let's see.

Let's see.

And then finally we have the Pittsburgh Steelers drafting Joey

Porter Jr.

Named after his father,

Joey Porter,

who played for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Wow.

That Jake crazy.

I saw a picture to Joey Porter Jr. at the Super Bowl that the Steelers won.
How did he get tickets? Oh, because his dad was on the team. Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's wild. That is wild.
Okay, winner. Jake, do you want to say it? Presented by Jake Marsh.
The Kelsey's. Oh, the Kelsey Bowl.
Truly wild. And not the first Super Bowls featuring brothers in the last 10 to 12 years.
Wait, so that makes it less wild. Yeah.
Competitors. Fuck.
Well, it's of the year of the year. That's true.
Yeah. You always get us out.
That shows how unbiased this, the judging is. What? We're just giving it up to competitors.
It doesn't matter. Oh, podcasts.
Well, they are. We'll see see what happens when we get to them.
Well, it's their mom, too. Oh, you're giving it to their mom.
Their mom. We're giving it to their mom.
I think her name's Donna. Yeah, Donna Kelsey wins it.
She's got wild ovaries. She had two children who then ended up in the Super Bowl.
Truly wild. Dad really didn't get any shine.
No, that's a mom's time to get shine. Yeah, but the dad could have gotten in the mix a little bit.

He probably didn't want the shine.

That's fine.

That's fine.

But I just would have liked it.

I don't even know who the dad is.

He's probably just a soccer fan.

Yeah.

Okay.

What do we got up next?

PFT.

We have next up of the year.

Who's next?

Who's next in the world of sports?

First nominee, Baby Gronk.

Baby Gronk nominated for getting rizzed up by Livvy Dunn.n who could forget did he get rizzed up or did he rizz I think he got rizzed up because Livy went in for the hug he gave her a side hug okay yeah what are you gonna say Billy I mean big L to drip king yeah baby baby Gronk might be the new drip king trustee what's rizzing uping up? I mean, I know, so I don't have to tell you.

Yeah, rizzing.

You don't know rizzing up, Jake?

No, I don't.

Yeah, it's when you put the rizz on someone.

Yeah, when you meet Livvy Dunn and get a hug.

What does that mean?

No, it's when you rizz him.

Your dad may have rizzed up your mom.

Okay.

I'm getting it now.

Okay, you get it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. Sounds like you've never rizzed.
Yeah, you're rizz it. I've done a lot of rizzing.
You're rizzless. Next nominee is Baby Diggs.
Baby Diggs also might be next up. Sure.
Pulling in the one-handed catches. Everything.
Everything about that. Calling out baby Gronk.
Baby Diggs is, I mean, he is electric. You guys know what rizz is short for? Charisma.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, Baby Diggs. I love Baby Diggs.
I love Baby Diggs. Do you love looking at Baby Diggs? I love looking at Baby Diggs.
His highlight reel is better than Baby Gronk. One of my favorite things to do is go online and look for Baby Diggs.
Yeah, just pictures of Baby Diggs. It's wonderful.
He is electric. It's a great way to spend a boring afternoon.
Yes. Next up, we have Charlie Woods.
Ooh, Siwoo. Nominated Siwoo.
Siwoo. That's right.
I mean, I almost feel bad putting him in this category because he's almost there. He is.
He's getting there. Yeah.
Next up is Conor Bedard. Let's get Bedard in here.
Yes. Future star for the Chicago Blackhawks.
Already better than Conor McDavid. Yes.
Future. Why did I impulsively buy season tickets the night that we got the number one pick? But that feels good.
Also nominated, we have Victor Wimbledon from France. France.
From France. The Frenchman.
Not playing in Summer League. Bust.
Oh. Okay.
I like that take. And here to present the award for next up of the year is the greatest soccer player of all time, World Cup champion, Lionel Messi.
Messi, take it away. Hi.
I am Messi. It is my honor to present the 2023 Taki for next half of the years.
And the winner is Charlie Woods. Charlie, I know you are a soccer fan.
So good to go. I wanted to say you have gone next.
You are so cool and strong and good at golf. golf bro you are at this bro congrats charlie well charlie so so genial y sos un gran jugador de golf así que te mando my felicitaciones yeah charlie i mean i mean charlie bias not by not by so charlie i mean he.
I mean, he's virtually there already. Yes.
He's going to win the PGA Tour, the entire thing. FedEx Cup, Ryder Cup.
Live. Live.
He's going to have it all. He's going to have all the titles.
He's going to be incredible. I cannot wait.
We were the first to get on him. We saw Charlie Woods, and we jumped right on him.
Yeah. We were also the first to get on Baby we were we got we saw charlie woods and we jumped right on him yeah we were also the first to get on baby digs but yeah well it's different look baby digs is a gateway drug for then jumping on 13 year olds yes uh okay uh congratulations charlie woods who's listening right now shout out charlie what's up charlie yo char you'll see money hit us up you want to come on the show you want to you want to maybe play some video games? What's up, player? Whatever you want to do.

Want to watch Baby Diggs highlights?

Okay.

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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on Amazon.com. This is one of our most prestigious awards.
We've done this every year. It is the John Madden Still Alive Person of the Year in memory of Tommy Lasorda, sponsored by Queen Elizabeth.
Takey. Should we do a moment of silence? Moment of silence for Queen Elizabeth.
So for everyone who knows, we have done this. I think we have successfully.
Hold on, Max. Hold on.
Don't pull it up. We have successfully.
I think we had Tommy Lasorda one year. We had John Madden.
And then we had Queen Elizabeth last year. I think we're like three for four or three for three in the last three years of the person dying who we have nominated for still alive person of the year.
So the nominees this year are Lou Karnaseka, the famous St. John's head coach, 98 years old.
Was that the press conference or was that a press conference looking dapper, spry. Patino's intro.

He looked great.

He looked great.

Jake, can you do the math real quick and figure out how many Patinos that John Karnasek has lived for?

98 years.

Yeah.

98 years divided.

But how many Patinos has that been?

13 seconds.

13.

Okay.

I'll get back.

Okay.

Okay.

Next up, we have Sister Jean. Still alive.
Very much still alive. Still alive.
Still kicking it. Witches don't die.
Okay. I'll get back.
Okay. Okay.
Next up, we have Sister Jean.

Still alive.

Very much still alive.

Still alive.

Still kicking it.

Witches don't die.

Yeah.

We have Damar Hamlin, who's still alive.

So congrats to Damar.

Still alive to Damar.

Prayers for Damar.

Prayers for Damar.

Great story.

We have-

Is he still alive or is he alive again?

Alive again.

For the second time.

Alive again.

We have Bill Russell.

Still alive. Still alive.
Congratulations. Good job, Bill.
Come on. What? Did he die? Yeah.
When? He died? Are you sure? This is a fucked up joke. We actually were just putting this in to see if Hank was paying attention.
Okay. You are paying attention.
Congratulations, Hank. John Rahm lost very much still alive turns out still alive yep still alive 100 and then finally we have president jimmy carter still alive shrinking by the second but still alive he's been in hospice i think for eight months now yeah which is i think that's a new record record for that i think he's just chilling.
Yeah. I think he's just hanging out.
He doesn't have to work anymore. Doesn't have to get on roofs and nail down tiles.
Probably loving. This is his retirement.
Yeah. By the way, Luke Harns second, 98 years.
3 billion, 90 million, 528 thousand patinos. That's a lot of loads.
That's a lot of patinos. Okay.
We have a special guest to give out this award. Oh my God.
Hello, boys. It's your old friend, Queen Elizabeth.
I recorded this message for second. I was nominated for still a live person of the year last year.
Because let's be honest, your track record with killing people is quite impressive. If this message is playing in the 2023 takey's end means I passed away.
My dying wish is to make my son Prince Harry and his beautiful wife Mayan Markle the new king and queen of England. Please, if I ask you anything, make sure this is done for me.
As for this year, the takey for still a live person of the year is President Jimmy Carter. I look forward to seeing Jimmy at the pearly gates shortly.
Love you boys. Also my number for this episode is 69.
Oh, Queen! Monarch is bitch! Shout out to Queen! That was scary. That was crazy.
She taped it when we were nominated. She was the AWL.
We have to have her as a recurring guest on the show. She's very entertaining.
So congratulations to Jimmy Carter. Also, shout out Quigs.
She made a bang, Jimmy Carter. Oh, man.
Probably, yeah. Still the life person of the year.
And she also did ask us, we need to make sure that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle become King and queen. I'm right on it.
Yeah. Those were her dying wishes.

So congratulations, Jimmy Carter.

Still alive.

Very much.

Most fucked up taking.

We do the next.

The next next category is for criminal of the year.

We had a lot of lawbreakers this year.

A lot of lawbreakers.

First nominee is Donald Trump.

Trump arrested twice. Yeah.
whatever next nominee is Hunter Biden yes that dude does a lot of crack yeah he does he does so I don't know how much like a normal crack user uses crack but he out cracks them all and bribery and bribery and and probably Only one guy gets charged for bullshit. Yeah.

Also nominated, we have Stetson Bennett. He got arrested.
Also the sod father for stealing the Super Bowl from Max's beloved Philadelphia Eagles. Oh, so this is a bias.
Max, you put this in? Still complaining about the sod? You were complaining about the sod. You were complaining about the sod.
Sounds like you're still mad about the sod. You were complaining about the sod.
Okay. And the final nominee is Chiefsaholic.
Chiefsaholic getting arrested for robbing banks, making money on the Chiefs winning the Super Bowl, and Patrick Mahomes, I believe, Super Bowl MVP, and then absconding, running out on bail, and he's still on the road somewhere. Yeah.
Yeah. So Chiefsaholic hasn't been caught.
Has caught hasn't been caught yet and so the award for criminal of the year is brought to you by special guest a special guest who could it be wow that's an awesome t-shirt i didn't know hi there billy here to announce the 2023 takey for criminal of the year after a lot of competition amongst all the nominees I'd like to announce that Chiefsaholic has won criminal of the year currently as I'm taping this video he has not been caught and he made off with bank winnings that he stashed away as well as Chiefs futures and Patrick Mahomes MVP futures Chiefsaholic is really the last outlaw of the West, roaming from Kansas City to Oklahoma, even to Arizona for the Super Bowl on leave. He did not report to court, and he's probably down in Mexico like many outlaws before him.
Embodying the spirit of those like Josie Wales, Wild Bill Hickok, and the wolf that he donned, the man ran across the plains in a way we haven't seen since the days of the West. Congratulations, Chiefsaholics.
Hope Mexico is treating you well. And keep donning the mask, because one day, we'll need you back.
There we go. Good job.
That was a great job, Billy. The audio is much better on my phone.
What are you charging for?

Like 10 grand.

Okay, nice.

The thought just occurred to me.

What if Billy was Chiefsaholic this entire time?

The perfect crime. And then he went to go investigate himself.

Oh, I can't find him anywhere.

Isn't that wild?

Yeah.

I've never seen you two in the same room together.

Or have I?

Huh?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Just asking questions.

Okay.

Moving along. We have Choke of the year.
Choke of the year. Great nominees this year.
A lot of chokes. We're going to start with Purdue.
The Purdue Boilermakers. The number one seed.
Big choke. Choking as much as you could choke.
Fairly Dickinson taking them down.due just keeps getting worse and worse in march i think they just getting more and more purdue yeah they are they're reaching their final uh purdue uh to make sure that we uh are very honest here brooks kepka in the masters did choke big time choke choke he had assistance from hank yep he had assistance from hank uh speaking of Hankank we have uh the boston bruins choking number one seed out uh we also have the milwaukee bucks choking another one seed out so fairness all around more of a failure on their part than a choke yeah and then we have uh grant williams who uh had his famous i'm gonna make both free throws and then missed them both against Cleveland Cavaliers. And finally, the last nominee for Choke of the Year is Mark Zuckerberg in his jiu-jitsu class getting choked out, but maybe not.
The winner of Choke of the Year, Mark Zuckerberg. Congratulations to Mark Zuckerberg.
Good job, Mark. He got choked out in a jiu-jitsu class and then went on full court press with his PR team, issuing a statement saying at no point during the competition was Mark knocked unconscious.
That never happened. And he also had his coach come to his back saying that Zuckerberg's snores were really just effortful grunting.
So he wasn't choked out, but he was. He got the choke of the year.
He was just trying very hard, trying too hard. This goes along the lines of laughing at a president when they fall down.
If you have made it your life's mission to have robots take over our entire lives, I'm going to laugh at you when you get choked out in your make believe jujitsujitsu tournament yes and especially when you then uh release a statement saying at no point at no point during

the competition was mark zuckerberg choked out i definitely would not have heard about this story

had his pr person not issued a public statement saying hey all those hilarious videos of my

client getting ruthlessly choked out those that's not real don't look them up stop looking them up

please i'm only raising awareness so that people do not retweet this yes as it pertains to choking out it never happened never happened it never happened but it is the choke of the year whether it happened or not well he did get choked we don't know if he got choked out but he did get choked it was the most talked about choke of the year so congratulations to mark zuckerberg for getting uh choked out or effortly grunting yeah uh next up we have the wife guy of the year a lot of wife guys out there these days yes wife guy of the year nominees include rg3 just huge huge wife guy most of his posts are about his wife he had the the glamorous pregnancy shoot maternity shoot that he put out Also left the game Those are always really weird where somebody puts out A combination of a maternity shoot But also a boudoir shoot Look how hot and fuckable My wife looks when she's been fucked She's pregnant Ken Bone is crazy for those He loves should do a takey presenter yeah yes we should do a remember that guy of the year yeah just like guys that you fall by the wayside yeah ken bone uh next nominee is jj watt for retiring from football to spend more time with his wife yes pretty gay if you ask me spending uh buying a soccer team with his wife yeah oh sauce next nominee is Dan Orlovsky for only thinking about his wife all the time and never jacking off. Never.
Ever. And the winner of Wife Guy of the Year is, drum roll please, J.J.
Watt. Oh! Wife Guy of the Year.
Our good friend J.J. Watt.
Congratulations. You do, in fact, have a wife.
Yeah, way to love your wife, weirdo. Yeah.
Shout out to Burnley. You kiss your wife with those lips? Disgusting.
Imagine being in an equal partnership with a woman and having feelings for her. When does the Burnley season start? I think it...
September? No, August? Yeah. August.
It's around football season, so I don't really pay attention. I'll jump on Burnley.
I'm excited. It is so fucking hot in here.
But the Coors Lights, the cold Coors Lights. Billy, can you go check the AC one more time? Okay, please, please, please.
I would kill for some AC. Make sure to take your beer with you.
My glasses are getting fogged up constantly. It's a five-second walk, and Billy reached over to grab his beer before he left.
He's going to pour it out in the trash. He's going to be like, look how many I drank, bros.
Hombres. We know that move.
I'm just going to the bathroom with my beer. No big deal.
Did you guys finish yet? I'm finished. What do you got, Billy? Nothing? Dude, it worked before.
Can we leave the door open? Yeah. Is it bad for sound? Nah.
Feels great for me. Dude, I keep...
Put on your mic. I'm...
My glasses just keep getting fogged up. It's insane.
It's the hottest it's ever been in. Welcome to my world, Big Cat.
Yeah. We're just fighting.
We're just basically getting the reps in for Vegas for the 10th year anniversary.

Why Vegas?

So that we can gamble.

I guess we go to Atlantic City.

Go to Detroit.

Let's do it on a Joliet.

A riverboat.

Done.

Oh.

Louisiana.

Do we have one?

We do in East Chicago, Indiana. So, yeah, we could do that.
We're going to do it. We're going to do it.
East Chicago or Indiana? I always forget. Yeah, you got screwed up by that.
East Chicago is in Indiana? Indiana, yeah. Fuck that.
Is it college? I'm not moving anymore. East Chicago.
But it's Indiana. In Indiana.
Okay, next up. Oh, let's take a break for a quick ad noble is known for their best in class award-winning footwear with options across training and lifestyle noble has options for everyone exclusively for barstool listeners noble is offering 30 off your order visit www.nobullproject.com slash barstool for 30% off your entire order.
That's www.nobullproject.com backslash barstool for 30% off. Okay, next up we have coach in waiting of the year.
A lot of coaches that are waiting for their big shot. The first nominee, we have Eric Bien-Ami, who is now offensive coordinator for the Washington Commanders.
He is. He's the system.
Mahomes is system quarterback. I got the system now.
Yeah. So he is a coach in waiting.
He's been in waiting for a while. We have John Shire, who is still not coaching Duke.
We know Coach K is pulling the strings behind him. He's lurking.
Yes. He's hovering.
Yes. We have Jay Williams, who is hoping to get the coaching job at Georgetown.
He would entertain it if he was asked. He would entertain it.
And then we have Jay Wright, our good friend Jay Wright, who is coaching waiting for the Sixers and Knicks simultaneously drum roll okay the winner of coach in waiting of the year goes to Jay Williams congrats Jay Williams for tweeting January 11th 2023 no one had asked him no one had had talked about it. He said, so people keep asking me, so I will answer.
Georgetown basketball has always been a dream job. It has.
It has. And so I said it January 11, 2023.
When do you think Patrick Ewing was fired? January. No, March 2nd.

March 9th, 2023.

So Patrick Ewing was still the coach at Georgetown

when Jay Williams said,

so people keep asking me so I will answer.

Georgetown basketball has always been a dream job.

The weird thing is Jay Williams might not have been

a worse coach than Patrick Ewing.

Yeah.

Well, I think what Jay Williams was thinking was like,

hey, this is my shot.

Be the first African-American coach at Georgetown. Yep.
So it would have been huge. Would have been massive.
Would have been massive. Okay.
So congrats to Jay Williams. Keep trying.
One of the weirdest tweets. I hope he gets hired.
One of the weirdest. He doesn't coach.
No one had talked about him. The guy still had a job and he was like, hey, people keep asking me.
I think it was his hacker. It was the same hacker that broke into account from earlier yes yeah yes that happens with him yes uh next category is the worst person to fly with award worst person to fly with got a lot of strong nominees first up is odell beckham for not getting up out of a seat making the entire plane d plane yep while he was uh, not private, but he was flying on a commercial flight, East Coast to West Coast.
And yeah, everybody, I don't know why everyone had to get off the plane for him, but he certainly made them do it. I don't understand that.
Odell Beckham nominated. Next nominee is Anthony Bass's wife for spilling popcorn all over the plane and then making a flight attendant clean it up and then tweeting about how inconvenient or by texting Anthony Bass, who then tweeted out how inconvenienced his wife was because she was four months pregnant.
She was four months pregnant. She had a five year old and a five year old and her five year old just spilled popcorn.
Couldn't clean it up. Couldn't clean up.
Next nominee is that guy that opened the emergency exit on the South Korean flight to the United States. Yep.
Open it up before it landed. And then just everybody had to sit on the plane in a vacuum tunnel, essentially.
Wild moves. Okay.
I just want to say. We've all thought about it.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
When you see it, it's like seeing a cop's gun. Yeah.
You're like, same thing. What if? What if I put the handles right there for a fire alarm? If it was really that important, they wouldn't make it so easy for me to pull it.
Yeah. I'll just say it, though.
If I was on that plane, that kind of would have rocked. They got really hurt, didn't they? I don't think anybody got hurt.
No, no. Just the guy right next to the window gets fucked up.
Yeah. So did he get hurt? I think.
Well, he had his seatbelt on, so he was fine. He was buckled in, so he was okay.
I would not have had my seatbelt on. That would have been so cool.
You would have been fine. Yeah, I would have been fine.
I probably wouldn't have fit out the door, right, Hank? You would have been stuck in your seat. And then the next nominee for worst person to fly with is Jeffrey Epstein.
Yeah. Jeffrey Epstein.
Don't want to be caught flying with that guy. I feel like we're finding out new people who flew with him every day.
We certainly are. The Island Boys, everyone.
Everyone's flown with that guy. Yes.
We took off the last nominee, I noticed, in this category. Muhammad Atta.
Oh, yes. He was also nominated for Worst Person to Fly With.
And the winner of Worst Person to Fly With Award goes to, drumroll, Anthony Bass's yeah congrats mrs bass what an all time what an all-time backfire of a tweet that was that was bad and then i think they got the flight attendant fired yeah for making her clean it up just a ridiculous ridiculous thing like hey here internet uh my wife who's again not that pregnant and a five-year-old couldn't clean up popcorn and uh this is an injustice it was all also probably the ratio of the year on that tweet yeah that was a huge ratio yeah yeah i thought i was gonna get nominated uh the other day i fell asleep on the plane and i was i think i was leaning over and i think a couple times i woke up because I was kind of leaning on the guy next to me. And when we landed, I was like, hey, man, sorry.
If I was leaning, he just didn't acknowledge me. Yeah, you got a boner.
Yeah. You were probably yawning in his face like a psycho.
I know, but yeah, it was tough. I tried to make good when we landed, and he just truly didn't acknowledge me.
I was like, yeah, okay. Hank, you remember when you threw up Go-Gurt all over yourself on a plane? Yeah.
Yeah. That was bad.
That was really bad. Wait, how old were you when you did that? Like last year? No fucking way.
Yeah. When I was a kid, I had some incidents on planes.
Yeah. Me and my dad were driving to vacations for a couple of years.
Oh, my God. We were taking off.
And then Hank starts. I can't tell ever with him if it's a yawn or if he's actually choking on something or dying or coughing.
And it looked like he was yawn coughing. And then Go-Gurt spews out of his mouth like a reverse Tiana Trump.
And then he sticks his hand out to try to catch it. And it just flies all over the place i'm looking at like what the fuck is wrong with you he's a nervous flyer jesus there's people i was thinking about this after because because i do feel bad i do i understand that i'm probably a bad person to fly with and i just i kind of black out when i fall asleep but there's definitely yeah there's most people do there's like a support group out there that probably exists that they don't know about that there's probably at least a handful of people that have gone off a flight with me and been like I was on the fucking I was sitting next to the worst person in the world I fall asleep and I'm a twitcher sleep talk drool lean boners Boners.
Boners. All of it.
All of it.

I twitch.

No work.

This is safe.

All right.

Congratulations to.

It just leaks.

As his wife.

Okay.

Next up, we have game of the year.

Game of the year.

We had a lot of great games this year.

A lot of great nominees.

So I'll rip through them.

We had two Vikings games. Vikings Bills bills which was an incredible incredible game uh remember that fourth down catch or uh pass to justin jefferson and then obviously the fumble at the goal line and i think the bills at one point had 12 guys on the field yeah yeah yeah we get caught we had vikings colts the incredible incredible comeback uh they ended up winning that game 39 36 were they down 33 or something Yeah, was.
We get caught. We had Vikings Colts, the incredible, incredible comeback.
They ended up winning that game 39-36. Were they down 33 or something? Yeah.
Was that on Christmas? It was three to nothing. No, it was a random Saturday game.
It was like the week before Christmas because I remember being like, holy shit. I was doing some shopping.
Mariners Astros 18 inning game. What a game that was.
That was an awesome game. We had Nuggets Lakers game one of the Western Conference finals.
We had Commanders 12 Bears 7. Who could forget? Who could forget? Tattoo bet.
Thursday night game. Yeah.
We had Broncos 12 Colts 9. The famous overtime game that was one of the worst games of the year, became one of the best games of the year one of the most memorable and then finally we had Georgia 42 Ohio State 41 a truly incredible game that we got to witness on New Year's Eve drumroll drumroll drumroll game of the year it goes to nuggets lakers western conference final game one and we have a quote we have a quote from someone uh a reporter on the scene uh who said people will dismiss it because it's not an nba finals game so the stakes weren't as high but what you just watched was one of the greatest games ever played i'll never forget it because that that series went on to being just an amazing series right it was like seven games probably back and forth back and forth road teams getting wins left and right yes it was excellent let me read it again just so everyone can let it sit in this is from uh a reporter let's call him d revel.
People will dismiss it because it's not an NBA finals game, so the stakes weren't as high, but what you just watched was one of the greatest games ever played. Ever played.
Ever played. And I can't stop thinking about Western Conference final game one, Lakers, Nuggets, than in a Nuggets sweep.
Of any sport. Any sport.
All time. Ever played.
Miracle on ice. Joe Carter walk-off.
Don't remember it. Yeah, you know, the Rumble in the Jungle.
No, no, no. Lakers Nuggets Game 1 Western Conference Finals was one of the greatest games ever played.
If you're a real hoop boy, you know that. 132-126, high scoring.
Oh, man, was it incredible. So there's, yeah, a buzzer beater and everything.
What a great game. Who could forget? Next category is we have Trade of the Year.
Trade of the Year. The Trade of the Year.
A lot of big trades in sports, a lot of big trades everywhere. A lot of people got fleeced this year.
It was the year of the fleece. The first nominee is Russell Westbrook for getting traded from the Lakers.
He got traded to Utah, and the Lakers then got D'Angelo Russell. It was a three-team, eight-player deal, and the Lakers just turned their season around because they just got rid of Russell Westbrook.
So shout out to the Lakers and Rob Lowe for executing that trade. Yes.
Trading wildfires to Canada for continued Stanley Cup success on our part. So I think that's a fair trade.
They're never going to win a Stanley Cup unless we get Alberta as our 51st state, which they're talking about. We want it.
Next nominee for trade of the year was Aaron Rodgers. Aaron Rodgers finally got off his ass, got traded to the Jets, and brought along basically every teammate that he had that he liked, which actually, now that I think about it, is probably only like two or three, that got traded to the Jets or signed by the Jets with him.
And the final nominee is Brittany Griner getting traded for the Merchant of Death. Oh, that sounds like a badass dude.
Famous prisoner swap. Yeah, famous prisoner swap.
Wait, are you talking about The Merchant of Death? Yeah. Yeah.
So let's get to the presenter for this award. We have a very special presenter.
Hi, I am Marsly Posky, a voice actor in Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. I'm here to announce the take you for the trade of the year.

Congrats to our winner, Merchant of Death and Brittany Grinner.

The United States, absolutely pleased putting in this deal.

Great job, USA.

Merchant of Death is washed up.

There we go.

Does it have the clutch gene?

What has Russia ever won?

It was.

We got fucking hosed.

Yeah.

We got hosed.

I'm going to wait until their career is done.

We can see who's got more ranks.

Yes, that's true.

That's true.

That was the trade of the year.

It was incredible.

We talked about trade of the year.

We can say, Billy.

No, here comes a take.

Come on, Billy.

Let it fly. It's the takeies.
Come merchant of death got bakhmut what is that you'll figure it out okay i probably won't are you speaking in code right now nope okay uh okay next up we have uh the darkness retreat of the year darkness retreat of the year there were some great darkness retreats this year. First nominee is Chrissy Teigen quitting Twitter yet again.
I think that's the 15th time she's quitted. There's multiple award nominee for this category.
Yeah. Every time she...
Baby Diggs? Did he quit? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I see where you're going with that.
Yeah. I know what you're saying.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Baby Diggs is hot in the streets. Okay.
Next up, Damar Hamlin had a quick darkness retreat, came back. Incredible story.
Story of the year. Yeah.
That was the ultimate. Him and Jesus.
Yes. Best darkness retreats maybe ever.
Yes. Then we have Aaron Rodgers, who had the most famous darkness retreat for, what, a day and a half? Mm-hmm.
Found himself. Decided he wanted to be a New York Jet.
Also, in his darkness retreat, there would be people that would show up, open the door, hand him meals, talk to him. Tell him riddles.
The real darkness retreat, you know. Yeah.
Yeah. And then finally, Chrissy Teigen quitting Twitter yet again.
Again, again. Yeah.
Again, again. This is final.
The last time, guys. She doesn't need this anymore.
She swears. She's done.
She's got nine burners. Yes.
Okay. The winner, we got a special guest presenter.
Hello, darkness, my old friend. Yes, that's right.
Hi, I'm Frank the Tank. I'm here to announce the Tiki for Darkness Retreat of the Year.
And the winner is Aaron Rodgers. Way to go, go aaron congratulations looking forward to having you back on the packers this year let's go okay congratulations aaron rogers he's making zach wilson's life heaven right now yeah that sounds like he's killing him yes yes uh so yeah aarongers, darkness retreat of the year.
Good job.

I don't know if that will be a category next year.

Probably not.

Maybe he will and then decide he wants to go to the Vikings.

Well, yeah, he's definitely.

And then he's going to go on another one.

And then he's going to move to Mississippi and still welfare money.

Yes.

Yeah.

Our next category is Taylor of the year.

Ooh.

A lot of big Taylors out there.

First nominee is Taylor Luan. Taylor had a great year in being taylor this year uh he got injured as he did as he does he um was portrayed by amazon on a thursday night game as being uh in a wheelchair they did the boy dirty i'll say it was a tough look tough look for the boys out there for the tier ones next nominee is taylor swift tay Taylor Swift is nominated for making like a billion dollars on her tour.
And then getting forced into breaking up with her boyfriend by the Swiftie Union. Yes.
So Taylor, shout out to Taylor. I respect you as an artist, Taylor.
But you've done a great job in tricking people into thinking you're the most persecuted person on earth who is also making a billion dollars. Next is taylor heineke taylor heineke nominee for taylor of the year just the jordans everything just outstanding work in the field of taylor heineke-ness uh the next nominee is the sean taylor statue at fedex field which underwent i think three or four iterations he was wearing different style pants and gloves and socks and helmets.
There was actually no statue there. It was the first statue to never have a face, a body, legs, arms, fingers, hands, anything.
It was just a uniform. It was like a merch, a stand-up merch shop for Sean Taylor.
Yes. And the winner of Taylor of the Year goes to, drum roll.
All right. The Sean Taylor statue.
All right, great job. Great job to the Washington Commanders for screwing up Sean Taylor Day for the second consecutive year.
Unbelievable. That video is still shocking.
Even if you know what's coming, and you watch it again, you're like, what the fuck were they thinking? It's shocking even for the commanders.

Yes.

Yes.

Which is saying something.

Okay.

We got a few more rounding up.

We're going to get to Blake of the Year in a little bit here.

We have no hitter of the year.

No hitter of the year.

A lot of no hitters this year.

We have some great nominees.

First up, Kanye West.

No hits this year.

None.

Zero hits. No bangers.
Zero hits. His appearance of the alex jones show was pretty fire though that's true that was also the chris paul tweet yeah that's yeah that was that was okay fuck that he might well we'll see if he wins but yeah that was a hit uh we have reed detmers anaheim angels on june 10th 2022 no.
Yep. That was a great no hitter.

Who could forget? One of the best games I've ever seen.

And then finally, we have the Houston Astros no

hitting the Philadelphia Phillies

in the World Series.

Pretty crazy game for the World Series.

Was that a no hitter? It was a no hitter.

Wow. Yeah.
So, yeah.

Crazy. Reed Detmer

just pitched in this game that's on in the studio right now for the Angels. That's wild.
Throw it in for next year's Wild of the Year. Okay.
Drumroll. And the winner is? Max, would you like to announce it? Kanye.
No, it was not Kanye. It was the Houston Astros, no hitter of the Philadelphia Phillies in Game 4 of the World Series.
In the World Series. In the World Series.
That's incredible. That happens so rarely.
Yes. In the biggest stage in all of sports.
Max, would you like to accept this award? No, I would not because it's not a true award. It's a fake award.
Why? It's a fake no-hitter. It's not a real no-hitter.
Do you respect the tickets? I do not respect the tickets. Wait, Max.
What? I didn't. What did you say? It was a combined what? It was a combined zero hitter.
No, that's not what you just said. You slipped up.
I'll edit this. Yeah, unfortunately, he does have the control to edit everything.
But yeah, one of the most memorable no hitters in this show's history. Wrong.
No one cares about that no hitter. This room is the only room raise your hand your hand if you care about that no-hitter.
Raise your hand if you care about that no-hitter. Factor fiction.
People mentioned it to you at bars. All right.
Five. Yeah.
Because of this show. Five people in this room.
Five to one. It's a combined yes, it's a no-hitter against you.
No-hitter. Congratulations to Max and the Philadelphia Phillies for getting no-hit in the World Series.
I. I think he's no hitter.
You'll always have that after game one. That's true.
Yeah. It's better than a World Series.
Yeah. I mean, we wound up 2-1.
I mean, whatever. Are we talking about the Sixers now? Okay.
Next category is tie of the year the tie of the year first up we have jim nance's tie gave it away for the last time and all the people that say that he stopped giving away the tie that's not true he just stopped making a big deal out of giving away the tie correct you can't just quit giving away a tie two years before you walk away from it all. Next nominee is Commander's Giants tie in the NFL this year.

And we also have the Colts and Texans nominated for tie of the year.

That tie actually went on to be very impactful.

Huge.

Huge tie.

Massive tie.

And then we have USA England tying in the World Cup, which we won.

Yes. And the winner of tie of the year goes to the United States of America.
Yes. Let's go.
USA. USA.
USA. USA.
We tied the fuck out of England. Hank, you don't like USA? Soccer.
You don't appreciate the beautiful game like we do, Hank. No.
You were there. I was there.
I went halfway across the world to bring home a tie, and I fucking did it. Yeah.
That's how you spin zone. That's how you spin zone.
We're literally just asking about Burnley like 20 minutes ago. That's true.
Yeah, that's true.

Well, that's out of commitment to my new friend, JJ.

Yeah, best friend, JJ.

But I'll tell you one thing.

Burnley's going to test that friendship.

Oh, yeah.

You going to bet on him?

I'm going to bet on him.

But again, this happened during COVID.

No sports on.

They were soccer.

Bet on it.

Still thought it was boring.

So I've committed to being a Burnley fan.

Granted that he sent some merch.

That's the one condition, but I'm going to try.

I'm going to give my best bet.

Okay.

We got a few more and then we're going to get to,

we got like five more and then we're going to get to the Blake of the year

and then see who gets podcast listener of the year. Hey, it's Rhea from Chicks in the Office.
It's officially mini skort season and Abercrombie has the ones to go out in. Their Scarlet Mini is a classic.
It's one of those skirts that fits the outfit vibe for any plans. And I'm excited to style their new Sienna skort.
It's a little more flirty and it's perfect for date night. Make plans go out in abercrombie shop their newest arrivals in store and online next up a very big award it's loser of the year okay so this is a new award and i thought with a new award let's uh keep it in house so we have the nominees jake marsh for losing the Panthers and the heat in the finals.
Also losing the illusion that he actually hit a hole in one when everyone. No, I got a hole in one that washes away.
I'm a loser and losing his pants during every PLL broadcast. Yes.
Yes. I am nominated because I lost my eagles future i was 0 for 2 in game of the years and also two of my favorite teams were the worst teams and got the number one pick that's a pretty big year and losing big time losing out of you yeah uh if you're gonna lose this one big cat the winner better be a massive loser.
Yes. We have next up, PFT, the doink bet.
That was a big, big loser. The doink bet.
Big loser. Especially that Hank celebrated his win right in my face.
Yeah. Because he took the other side because he hates me.
Yeah. And he just likes going against me.
No, I tried to talk. We talked about it.
Whatever. I gave you that bet.
I gave I told you I was. You didn't know that the no doings bet was even a possibility until I told you I was taking doinks.
And then you're like, oh, PFT, I'm going to fade you right in your face. I was just like, whatever.
The sod father. I'm happy.
Yes. The hold was fucked up because of the sod father.
It was a great motherfucker. Speaking of Hank, he is up for loser of the year.
The Celtics lost to the Heat at eight seed. The Bruins lost as the one seed.
The Patriots had a very bad year. And if you sum it all up, he hasn't won a title since 2019.
Damn, Hank. Big time loser energy.
That's a long, long time ago. Big time loser.
Won the lottery ball, though.

Okay.

We'll cut that.

Next up, we got Billy.

Billy lost to hot sauce.

Yeah.

He lost to his anger.

He lost.

Well, he actually won softest hands in the studio.

Joe Biden's still president.

Joe Biden's still president.

And Billy also had his famous quote when the Jets were five and two saying I feel bad for you guys. And then where did the Jets end up? Not in the playoffs with the rest of us.
Was Jack Niklaus in the last year? I don't know. That's a loser moment of him.
And then last then last, but certainly not least, we have Max.

Self-explanatory.

Just zoom in on Max's face.

Go ahead.

Turn your camera on.

Titor.

Turn your camera on.

The camera is on.

Okay. Zoom in.

I can't zoom in.

Move your face closer to the camera slowly.

I'm not moving my face closer to the camera.

Okay.

And so we have a special presenter for this.

And I want to say this.

When I reached out to this person to present the award award i did not know what teams this person rooted for and then when i saw the video i gasped go ahead max oh man this is great hi i'm jim vittista winner of the 2020 biggest loser as a guy who lost a lot, I know a loser when I see one. So without further ado, I'm happy to announce the winner of the 2023 takey for Biggest Loser of the Year.
And the winner is, envelope. Look at this.
Wow. Congratulations.
Max Delente. Congrats, Max.
Great job. You're such an incredible loser.
You've now won and losing. Which makes you an even bigger loser.
Congrats, Max. That's great.
I picked, I just searched biggest loser. So that guy I think think, lost like 200 pounds a few years ago.
And then when he sent his video back and he's a Phillies fan. That's incredible.
Just serendipitous. So, Max, to sum up.
You also lost, let's not forget the bowling. Yeah, you lost the bowling.
You lost on a Hail Mary, which got Big Cat and everyone pick, which then you had the. which then you yeah so oh actually second place you lost in in fortnight too you got second place in fortnight the first time that you played i mean that who cares about that so you lost uh the philadelphia phillies in the world series after said and getting no hit calling them city of champions city of champions title town Titletown was the exact quote.
People were saying that about the heat and Miami, too. I don't think one person said that.
Well, not in this room, but out there. Basically, Titletown.
You lost to Philadelphia Union. You're a huge MLS guy.
You've had season tickets since the inception of the team, right? With a lead in the 96th minute. Wait, that's true? How many minutes are there in a soccer game? At least 95.
I think they're 90 minutes. Yeah.
That's impossible. You lost the Eagles Super Bowl with a 10-point lead at half? It was a big lead.
And you lost $6,000. Oh, yeah.
You did lose $6,000. Oh, yeah.
And then I actually was- He also lost. He lost his iPhone.
Some of that. I did.
I did put he paid me back with $6,000 and I said I'd put it on a future for him. He did that with the UCLA Bruins.
And they also did that with Max Homa. Yeah, he did with Max Homa.
He did with the Masters. He did with UCLA Bruins.
He also bet against UConn in every tournament game. What, PFT, how did they do it in the tournament? I think they smoked everyone.
Oh, yeah, that's right. They covered every spread and won it all.
And then you lost to the Celtics, which probably hurt the most out of all of these losses, and you had to shave your face. What, the no-h hurt? Yeah, I was going to say, I'm not curious which loss hurt the most.
It's the Super Bowl will always hurt the most. Okay, then what's two? Can we just put in the video of you at the Super Bowl being like, Jalen Hurd, I'll suck his dick right now.
Just put in the whole clip. It's maybe the funniest clip.
I have a fucking headache I was just so hungover. I was, and the sun was ridiculous.
The sun was insane. I have a fucking headache.
That's my guy! That's my fucking guy! I'll suck his dick right now! Oh, and Hank's stupid fucking face walking back into that room. Walking back into that room.
I'll never forget that feeling. And just looking at Hank.
You also got kissed. Yeah, you got kissed.
You got kissed on a video you didn't have to put out. Good video.
And got exposed. Factor fiction, good video.
You lost that game too because you were rooting so hard for the heat. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, I mean, that ended up fine.
You had some positives, though. You like fucking dogs.
You did say that. You don't hate fucking dogs.
I said, no, I don't hate, comma, fucking dogs. Does that work? Does that work? Okay.
So rank the losses. Eagles, like, for sure, by far and away, number one.
The soul patch. Honestly, the soul patch hurt more than the Sixers losing because those pictures will last forever.
They get put on graphics months later. What pictures? Dave Portnoy put out a picture you had in nowhere.
I mean, that was the biggest ricochet out of nowhere shot of all time. What pictures are you talking about? Oh, the pictures, the professional photography that you decided to do the day after.
By happenstance, we had a professional merch shoot the day after I had to look like the ugliest man in America. Okay, keep going.
That one hurt. The hot dogs, I didn't think it was gonna hurt as bad as it did but doing the hot dog bet was really tough i really didn't enjoy that and that one was almost worse because i didn't actually lose i came in second which what would you call that i guess that goes along with the rest of the theme here.
You're such a loser. You're such a loser.

You are a loser. Yeah.
Come join us. I'm happy I came onto this show at the time of the year of my biggest downfall of all time.
We timed it perfectly. It really is remarkable when you think about it.
Everything got so close for you. If you just won one of those, you wouldn't be a loser.
But I will win one. Will you? I will win one sport.
Yeah. Union? The Union? No.
Who knows? That would be awesome. And it'll be so much sweeter than if I were to just come on and just start winning right away because I'm going to be building myself up to that.
It's going to be a real redemption hero story for the ages. I'm sure.
People are going to be writing novels about me. I want to read those books.
Yeah. I cannot wait to read those.
How I Stopped Losing starts. The Max Deletrius story.
Max puking in the Uber. That was tough.
One thing about me, I could beat the fuck out of Hank. Well, one thing about you, Max, you are a loser.
So you're loser of the year. Yeah.
Which one, which, just as a side, and this is like post-production stuff, but which graphics

should we use of Max in the loser of the year?

Should we do the Eagles?

Put an Eagles in the chair.

Or a soul patch?

Yeah, in the chair.

The chair is iconic.

Maybe have the soul patch.

Maybe have a soul patch.

I think we can stamp on loser of the year.

Maybe the soul patch would be the O on loser of the year.

Yeah, I like that.

There shouldn't be that many pictures of me already. I haven't been on the show for a year.
Not even a full year. People work their careers for those pictures.
Yeah, you compiled them fast. Roan fingers your butthole.
Oh, yeah. He did finger your butthole.
That was a good moment. And in the circle of the R, it should be him getting kissed.
That picture, too. Yeah.
Man, what a great year for us. Yeah.
Getting to laugh at Max. Yeah, it's been so much fun.
All right. Next category.
This is a vaunted category here in the Takey Awards. We've done it every single year.
It's the Lib of the Year. The Lib of the Year nominees are.
Oh, my God. Billy's getting smashed.
Billy, look at the ground. I know.
It's not your cooler didn't work. I thought the cooler didn't work.
Yeah. Why don't you take that out? Billy, before you take it out, let me just sauce me one of those cold cruisers.
I think we're out. Billy's got the last one.
I'll take that one. Oh, here.
We got more in here, Billy thanks been here beta all right the nominees for lib of the year are billy actually billy congratulations billy for being nominated again for lib of the year for wearing a mask last week yeah and also not eating red meat anymore so thank you billy for all that you've done for the environment and stopping the spread. Big Lib of conservatives.
Billy. Next nominee is Aaron Rogers.
Aaron Rogers nominated for Lib of the year for moving to Brooklyn. Yes.
Self-explanatory. Yes.
Next nominee is Jake. Jake Marsh is nominated for Lib of the year for tweeting out Barack-atology with Obama and getting political.
You got political with it jake it's a great segment it's disgusting it's disgusting what you've done to this show he did even it out though by uh making a shirt gops yeah that's true yeah he's playing both sides republicans root for the panthers too next nominee is dan snyder for letting his wife run the team for a while. Big, big beta girl boss move energy from him.
Next nominee is J.J. Watt for Lib of the Year for literally having a bleeding heart.
Yes, that's true. He did.
Yeah, he did. And then the final nominee is Donald Trump for calling to defund the police after he got arrested.
Oh, so really some great nominees for lib of the year this year. And the winner of lib of the year goes to none other drumroll, please.
Then the PC principal himself, Billy football. Yep.
Life imitates art. Is this three years running? I think Chris Long is one of a bunch.
Chris Long was the dynasty. You and Chris Long had a joint.
Yeah, Clay got one. Well, the forest fires did require a little bit of a mask, and I do still eat red meat.
It just makes you break out in hives, but it's worth it. I haven't seen you eat red meat that much recently.
I had a burger, Smashburger, for lunch with a Haagen-Dazs shake. It was awesome.
The impossible one? No. No.
I don't think they had an impossible one. You can't have that.
Billy loves ice cream. Yeah, I do.
Yeah. I'll give you tits.
That lib ice cream like Jenny's? No. What's the most amount of ice cream you've had in one sitting? Jenny's is a lib? Yeah, Jenny's is also Ben and Jerry's.
Yeah. I had it for the first time when I was in Chicago.
What? Jenny's. Yeah.
It's delicious, right? Yeah. It was good.
It is good. Yeah.
Ice cream's great. I'm the biggest ice cream guy there is.
I should become like a- Hot take. Ice cream's good.
I should become like a MyPillow ice cream guy. This is a hell of a tangent we're going on here.
Yeah, but think about it. There's always a playoff music music.
Can we get to play it off? What if it was like Republican ice cream? That'd be hilarious. Yeah.
I think Nancy Pelosi has like an entire refrigerator that's just filled with Jenny's ice cream. Just like you, Billy.
Just like you. Yeah.
And the winner was Billy football again. So, Billy, you are again, live of the year.
Yeah. Live of the year.
Sweet. Good job, Billy.
Okay, rounding his shape here.

We got a couple left.

We're going to go with worst take of the year.

Worst take of the year.

Great year for bad, bad takes.

So let's pull up all the bad takes.

Do you guys have any that you have yourself?

I had heat culture dying.

So that one was bad.

I have one for myself. For the second straight year, I picked the NCAA champion getting eliminated in day one.
Oh, Arizona. Arizona this year and last year.
Who did I have last year? Who did you have last year? You did lose it, though. Yeah, it was a two seed.
You're really bad at that. Yeah.
You're a college basketball guy. It's very bad very bad anyone else have bad takes i didn't have any bad takes this year you had only clean takes only perfect takes i said peter uline uh didn't matter he was the worst ace he was kentucky against st peter's but he was in fact the best ace yes uh okay i have it all right so the nominees we have some really good ones uh this one first one first up is Chris Broussard saying it's on the table that the Chiefs missed the playoffs next year.

Hmm. Yep.
Did they miss the playoffs? I don't think they did. I think they beat Max in the Super Bowl.
Oh, yeah. They won the Super Bowl.
They won the Super Bowl. We also have Justin Barney, who October 30th, 2022,

said with the first pick in the 2023 NFL draft,

the Jacksonville Jaguars select dot, dot, dot. The Jags went to the playoffs.
Yeah. Yeah.
They basically won every game since that tweet. Bad take.
Bad take. Yes.
We've all been there. Yes.
I mean, just off the top of my head, I should say I did pick the Chargers to win the Super Bowl. Yes, that's true.
That's a bad take. By the way, all these.
C words. I'm sorry.
All these worst takes. Our good friend Fred Siegel helped us out with these.
You should go buy his book, Freezing Cold Takes, NFL Football Media's Most Inaccurate Predictions and the Fascinating Stories Behind Them. He's fantastic.
If you don't follow him on Twitter, you should. Holds us accountable.
Holds us accountable.

I think we're probably his most difficult accounts to deal with because of the amount of jinxing, trolling.

Didn't really mean that.

Yep.

So he gets tagged a lot, but he does great work.

So check out Fred Siegel.

Check out his book.

You can buy it on Amazon.

All right.

Next up, we have Greg Gabriel, who covers the Bears. He's a former scout for the Bears, tweeted, The experts said the Bears would only win three games all year.
They've won two of their first three. Do these same experts feel the Bears will go 1-14 the rest of the way? These so-called experts.
The Bears went 1-14 the rest of the way. Actually, remarkable.
When you look at the Bears' season, starting out that hot, but getting two wins early, and then having an offense that scored as many points as it did and still managing to lose almost every game. It's pretty incredible.
It is pretty incredible. That is an all-time, all-time bad take move.
Do they think that they're going to go 1-14? Yes. That is exactly what they did down the stretch.
Next up, we have Colin Coward who said, the Denver Broncos have won the NFL offseason. They should be a Super Bowl favorite for the next several years.
Can you imagine thinking that the Broncos were going to be good in training camp this year? Couldn't be me. Not me.
Colin's a fucking idiot and a fake soup guy. Yeah.
We have Stephen A. Smith, who said, I've got the Brooklyn Nets going to the finals.
Kyrie is going to be a leading candidate for MVP. Ben Simmons will return to all-star status.
That's a hat trick right there. That is quite something.
Next up, we have Dan Shaughnessy who said, expecting the Cowboys and their fans to be humiliated by Brady tonight. This was before the wild card game.
They will play scared, lose their minds, and Brady will carve them up. Saw this movie a million times here in New England.
Anybody else in this room think that the Buccaneers were going to do well in the playoffs? I did. What about Henry? I did in that game, that specific game.
No, I didn't. No? No, he didn't, actually.
I didn't. Remember, he took the Cowboys.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, and then he took the Cowboys with some friends.
No, I didn't. He went against Tom Brady.
I didn't go against Tom Brady. Brady.
He did. I bet a future on the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl.
And who were they playing in that first round? Okay, but that's not how futures work. Okay.
E-Man. Okay.
We're getting spicy here. We're getting spicy.
All right, next up, we have Jim Irsay after Jeff Saturday was hired and won his first game. first game he said all you critics you criticize all of us in the nfl for losing when we make moves to win you act you act so righteous who you crapping just win baby who you crapping that's a famous mike dick uh quote it's such a good good quote to use on people yes who you crapping they lost all their games after that.
And then finally we have this is from... To be fair, Jeff

Saturday had a player on his defense who was betting on football games that's true including colts game that's true finally we have uh this is from caplan nfl he said it's not even close wince is so much more talented than hurts i mean the guy can play commanders fans are going to see this season. They're going to be some games where you're going to go, why did Philly trade him? That's quite a take.
That's so wrong. That's the wrongest take.
Wrongest. All right.
Drum roll. Worst takes.
Winner goes to Stephen A. Smith for his Brooklyn Nets take.

What a take that was.

It really hit everything.

Just to reiterate, I've got the Brooklyn Nets going to the finals.

Kyrie is going to be a leading candidate for MVP.

And Ben Simmons will return to all-star status.

Yeah, the beauty of that take is it's 0 for 3 in a single take.

Yes.

It's incredible. And the Nets could not have imploded worse yeah it was bad yeah uh okay what do we got next next up we have football guy of the year yes the football guy of the year nominations uh we have first off peyton hillis for saving his niece and his son in a riptide pulled them them out of the water, almost died, went in the hospital, had kidney failure, had, I think, fluid in his lungs as well, and pulled through, saw it to the other side, saved two lives.
So Dad of the Year nominee and Uncle of the Year nominee, as well as Football Guy of the Year. Next nominee is Damar Hamlin, prayers for Damar.
Yes, prayers for Damar. Prayers for Damar, Football Guy of the Year.
And then we have Mike Leach, tragically passed away, head coach at Mississippi State. You know him from the Washington State Cougars, from Texas Tech, from just basically being football.
His DNA was football for his entire life, and a very interesting guy as well, passed away. And the winner is for football guy of the year it's going to mike leach yeah mike leach gets football guy of the year much deserving much deserving he was a guest on this program before and uh he's a fascinating guy to talk to i understand why the media loves him so much because he will just he'll talk to you about anything sometimes he cares so much about football that he doesn't want to talk about football in the like small breaks in his life that he has from football so we talk about literally anything else yes but just a fascinating dude great great head coach change the game of football as we know it actually with the air raid offense yes yes facts also in december we officially named this award after him Oh, there you go.
So Mike Leach wins the guy of the year. We forgot we did that.

Mike Leach wins the guy of the year. We forgot we did that.
Mike Leach wins the football guy of the year. I told you guys we did that.
Yeah. Okay.
Well, we're getting older. We did it.
Yeah, we did it. We did it, Joe.
Okay. Last up before we get to Blake of the year, or we have two more.
We have takeies that we won't do, but we thought about doing. So this is a brand new award.
There'll be no nominees. You can guess who might be nominated, but we will not be doing these awards.
We were just going to say the things we would have done, but we're not going to do it. And the nominees for takeies that we won't be doing, but we thought about doing are anti-Semite of the Year Year.
A couple good nominees right off the top of my head. But we're not going to say it.
We're not going to say it. Yeah.
Next up, we have Slur of the Year. Some crossover there.
Yes. Slur of the Year.
Whether they be rap lyrics, whether they be on a hot mic. Slur of the Year.
Just getting drunk, getting drunk saying stuff we're not gonna do it uh next up spicy one most dominant trans athlete in women college sports we're not gonna do that award no we're not gonna do that award and last uh best questions asked about the covid covid vaccine as it pertains to damar hamlin not gonna do that one yeah but just but just but just asking questions you were not yet they're just asking questions all right the winner of takey that we won't do but we thought about doing is anti-semite of the year yeah congratulations yes yes but we're not doing we're not doing it not doing we're not doing it okay all right let's uh let's finish up with our future take of the year before we get to Blake of the year. Hank, would you like to start? Sure.
Your future take of the year. So we do this every year.
Throw out a take. You think will happen.
We'll see how right or wrong it is. Tiger Woods, father of Charlie, is going to start his own golf league.
Oh, okay. Is it going to be indoors? Has he already done that? And is Rory going to be partnering up with him? No, a professional golf league.
Oh, a professional indoor golf league. No.
Professional, professional golf league. Okay.
That's why he has McCompton. Oh, I like that.
I like that. Okay.
Max? Because if he started a golf league, the Saudis would just buy him out. True.
Yeah. True.
True. Max? Villanova's going to lose a national championship this year.
Oh. Another loss for Max.
You're not even going to make the tournament. A national championship? Your future take of the year is to catch another loss? Well, no, that would be good.
I was going to say Final Four, and then I took the joke before you guys. In your wildest dreams, dreams villanova finishes you're you're a bellhop at the hell i was going i was going to say final four and then i knew what your joke was going to be so i said it first but you said you still played yourself big time well i wasn't ready to say national championship well you should have said national championship i i said what i said okay right, actually.
Yeah. I mean, given your track record, Max, I feel like you're right on track for this.
Yes. It would be a good take.
All right. Jake? You listening right now, the AWLs, will tune into the PLL tonight.
Yes. That's my prediction.
Or your scumbags. Yes.
Calling the Water Dogs game tonight. Love it.
ESPN Plus. Love it.
If I take you to the beer garden. Oh, will you be there? Yeah, I'll be there.
Oh, hell yes. Doing what? I think it's ring night.
I think Billy's accepting the rings on your behalf. I do not want to tell them those rings.
No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
He's got such soft hands. Yeah, that's true.
He'll get damaged at all. Yes, yes.
Okay, Billy, your future take of the year. What are you going to wear? Who, me? Yeah.
Oh, because Jake's not going to wear pants. Duke's going to be there.
You guys should just bring one suit. Jake wears the top.
You can wear the pants only. Yeah.
It's been great. Yeah, I like when you say Duke's is going to be there.
It will make us more confident in things going well. It will.
I got Duke's. Safety in numbers.
Hank also asked you what you're going to wear, and you just said Dukes is going to be there.

He'll be wearing Dukes.

So my future take of the year.

He still won't tell us what he's going to wear.

I haven't planned it out yet.

I don't think about clothes.

I like the cargo pants blue polo you had the other day.

That was a good look.

I love it when Billy puts on a polo shirt outside somewhere

and none of the buttons are buttoned up,

so he's got the collars just flopping in the wind everywhere. Never seen an iron.
Well, I'm just saying, the cargo pants are important because I have to carry a lot of stuff. Right, exactly.
I have to carry the beer tabs to give out to people. I have to carry a phone charge.
There's a lot of stuff. Extra zen for it to hand out.
It's very complicated. Yeah, to hand out, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

So, no, seriously, this is my future take of the year.

Okay.

I really think that you guys are going to take part of my take and Barstool Sports as a whole to the next level in Chicago.

I think you guys are really going to do some amazing stuff out there

and create some awesome content.

And, you know, not only do I know you're going to do some awesome stuff,

but I'm wishing you guys the best. Okay.
Thank you, Billy. That was really nice.
I think Billy might win. Yeah, shit.
We are great. Yeah, we are.
Thanks, Billy. All right.
I had two. One is that the Ravens are going to win the Super Bowl.
I just feel it. I don't know why.
I think Lamar Jackson is going to have a great year. And my other one is Dan Snyder is going to rebuy the Washington Commanders.
You motherfucker. Just take.
Just take. There's no chance that happens.
Wouldn't that be the funniest thing? There's no chance that happens. The deal is Ironclad.
It's interesting because my take of the year was going to be the Dan Snyder is definitely going to sell the Washington Commanders this year. He hasn't yet officially, but it's going to happen.
It's going to happen soon. Wait, that actually hasn't happened? No, it hasn't been signed off on.
Wait, what? Come on. The owners have to get together.
You got to get finances in place. And then once all the finances are in place, then the owners vote.
I was joking. I thought it had already happened.
No, the interest rates have to go down. It's happened like seven times.
How is it not happening? It's happening either July 20th or August 8th. My prediction.
Okay. One of those two dates.
Throw a dart at a dartboard. So since Big Cat took kind of- I'm sorry.
I really thought he had sold the team. I'm just going to say that Muhammad bin Salman is going to buy the LPGA and the women aren't going to be allowed to use drivers anymore.
Oh, there we go. I see that happening.
Okay. Let's do a quick ad and then let's do some blake of the year thank you to our friends from the pr sevens premiere rugby sevens for being a wonderful sponsor the takeies premiere rugby sevens is the top professional rugby sevens league in the u.s sevens is an electric fast style of play compared to rugby 15s allowing more scoring opportunities in a much shorter period of time.
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The league consists of eight franchises, four in the Eastern Conference, four in the Western Conference. Every franchise has a men's and women's team, meaning the league has 16 total teams, and it's awesome.
Max, you were there. Live bands, DJ, costume contests.
How awesome does it go to a premier Rugby Sevens event besides the fact you got stiff-armed into the Earth's crust by Hank Lockwood? We don't need to talk about that. That had nothing to do with the actual event.
That was pre-event, but itvent but it was awesome like when we were in austin rugby sevens is a really cool sport to begin with they do a really good job there's a lot of fun like activities around the uh the gameplay and uh it's a great time yeah so go check it out premier rugby sevens conference championship weekends at paypal park in san jose california this saturday july 15th and at highmark Stadium in Pittsburgh, PA on July 23rd. Visit PR7s.com to purchase tickets for both events.
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most electric sport on grass.

Okay, it is that time of the year.

Probably the most important takey we give out, it is Blake of the Year.

We have our three Blakes, Brooks, who was suspended momentarily

for 24 hours last year,

Blake Bortles, and Blake Griffin. We were just talking before we started.
Blake Griffin, I think you are Blake of the Year, right? Like this, you still own the crown? Yeah, last year I believe I won. Yeah, so I've got the titles right here.
In 2018, it was Bortles.

2019, Griffin.

2020, Griffin.

21, Bortles. 2019, Griffin.
2020, Griffin. 21, Bortles.
22, Griffin. So, Kapka, you've never won Blake of the Year.
Looking to get the monkey off your back at this point. Now, 18 through 20, those were the years where we did the phone call.
Yes. And Blake Griffin would train.
Yes. He would have a guy that had his phone on him at all times, even when he was practicing.
So then we switched up to lottery machine ball and then back to trivia with a coin toss last year. Right.
And I think if you're watching on the YouTube, Blake Griffin is playing golf right now. Blake Kepka is in Portugal and Blake Bortles is in Florida.
So we're doing the first ever Blake of the year from four different – we're in Chicago, so it's four different time zones. International Blake of the year.
Yeah, California, Florida, Chicago, Portugal. Blake Griffin is also frozen in a shot.
We have a great angle of him. All right, so until we get him back, we'll start with you, Blake Bortles.
How are you feeling this year? I feel good. I mean, I really retired from the NFL in order to train for this, so I don't have much else going on.
So I'm looking forward to it. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm excited. I'm very excited.
Blake Koepka, what would winning your first ever Blake of the Year mean to you? Honestly, I've partied hard tonight already, but this would just be a whole new atmosphere. Yeah.
We're going to party hard. We're going to celebrate this.
Better than the fifth major, let's put it that way. No blanking.
No blanking. Yes, no blanking.
And Blake Griffin, as customary, whenever we do Blake of the Year, you have to show whoever you're in a golf cart with. I just finished up, guys.
Oh, you played by yourself? I just finished up, yeah. So, it was a good time, though.
Yeah. By the way, how bad is your partner? He's actually pretty good.
I caught him on a bad hole. I probably shouldn't have sent that picture.
Who is your partner? None other than the Boston Celtics superstar, Jason Tatum. Oh, wow.
Fortunately, he's gone, and you couldn't say anything to him. I would have said nice things to him.
We're actually coming down the stretch and I got this left to either tie this hole or win this hole and win the match. Okay.
Alright, so here we go. Here comes the shot.
Brooks, you got any tips right here? I can't look at you. It's like a 20-yard shot.
Can't see anything. I'm just looking at you Give it a flop Put some backspin on it Put it No pussies in the hall of fame Just remember that Blake you should dunk it People forget you can still dunk You made it You put it in no i definitely didn't make it all right so should have putted blake of the year this year is going to be three rounds so the first round is going to be every blake giving their speech as to why uh they deserve blake of the year the second round will be blake trivia and the third round i'm not going to reveal the third round right now because I don't want anyone to cheat.
The third round is going to test your intelligence as Blake's. So let's start with round one.
Let's start with the guy who's never won before in Blake Koepka. Tell us, the panel, why you think you deserve Blake of the Year.
You can talk about your past year. You can talk about whatever you want.
But why do you think that we should give you Blake of the Year? Why do I think I deserve Blake of the Year? I'll be honest. This year was a great year for me.
I just wanted to say, you know, to fit in with the Blakes, because the last, I don't know, few years haven't been going my way. I decided to blow the lead at the Masters because Blakes don't win anything, right? So I figured that that was my way in.
Unfortunately, a couple of weeks later I won. But, yeah, I figured that was, yeah.

I mean, blow a lead.

You know, Blake's haven't won anything.

We've tried our best.

But, you know, I'm here.

I'm here to win this one.

You also have a son on the way that's potentially going to be named Blake.

Yes, I could name that kid Blake.

Full effort. Jenna is not a huge fan.
To be quite frank, she hates it. But, yeah, I'm pushing for it.
I'm not going to lie, fellas. Okay.
I'm pushing for it. Yeah, and Blake Bortles.
Maybe you can use this opportunity if you were to write an open letter to your younger self about what it means to be a Blake and what it means to be a Blake of the year what would you tell young Blake in a letter from grown Blake be it uh well that the career is going to end rather abruptly um like Brooks, there's not a whole lot of winning going on.

And then you fight like hell with your wife to name a kid after you.

Have you had that conversation about a Blake Jr.?

No, I gave up.

I think I brought it up one time and it didn't go very well.

So that was done.

Yeah, it's hard to envision a baby named Blake coming out. They got to have like frosted tips.
Yeah. A necklace.
Cool. Very cool.
So Blake Bortles, if you were to win, how would you carry yourself with such an honor of Blake of the Year? Oh, it would be massive. I mean, I think since last time we've spoke, I'm doing the exact same thing,

which is a whole lot of nothing.

But in doing that nothing, it would be just another level of confidence

and a great reward.

Okay.

You've excelled in Blakeness this year for sure.

Yeah.

By far.

By far.

I'm living in it.

Yeah.

All right.

And then Blake Griffin, who's, I think, putting right now. Why do you think – Putting for a win.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
All right. And then Blake Griffin, who's, I think, putting right now.

Why do you think? Putting for a one-handed.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Go ahead.

You can putt.

Why don't you give the phone to the other person we are with so they can videotape you?

He just made a putt.

Oh, no.

No, it's fine.

I'm just going to putt one-handed.

Okay.

Why do you think you deserve Blake of the Year?

I don't know.

I've never seen Brooks putt one-handed.

Blake, hold on.

Hold on real quick.

Pleasure.

Hey, Jason.

I'm not letting you talk to him.

Jason, how big of a dick is Coach K? How big of a dick is Coach K? That's why you're not. That's not why you're not allowed to talk.
I know you guys. I don't know.
I've never seen. I don't know.
I just drilled a putt one-handed. Never seen Brooks do that.
Okay. Yeah.
All right. That's a good case.
No. A lot no a lot of sorry brooks i'm a big fan uh it's what actually yeah thank you it's like a lot of haters are saying blake griffin um that you're a system blake that you you've won the majority of your blake of the years based on the phone i let my blake speak for my speak for itself uh three-time champion um all worthy adversaries uh really proud of Brooks this year.
Blake seems like he's really hitting his stride. He froze.
He froze. God damn it.
He froze. He's back.
Okay. That was good answers by everyone.
Maybe not the best answer by Blake Blake Griffin who do you think uh you know we'll reveal at the end who won that round okay I've got my pick yeah I do too we'll confer the answer that was like box what yes it's like boxing so we're the judges we'll unveil our cards yes yes so there's three rounds so we'll unveil our cards at the end all right right, so next round we're going to go to Blake Trivia.

We have a question for each Blake.

Do you want to start for Blake Koepka,

and then I will do the Bortles question?

Yeah, sure.

Blake Koepka, the first question of Blake Trivia goes to you.

The question is,

what is the world record for going the longest without blinking? Is it over 30 minutes, over an hour, or two minutes and 13 seconds at a hockey game definitely two minutes and 13 seconds at a hockey game wow trust me so like i would know that that's it's not technically the right answer but i do like it i i'm going to count that as a correct answer okay the correct answer is there was a guy in the philippines that kept his eyes open for one hour and 17 minutes oh wow without blinking so i don't know what term can i be clear about this i didn't blink the entire game oh okay so yeah so it's you so it's you then that's you long enough fellas yeah yeah all right good good All right. For Blake Bortles, here's your question.
This sports commenter got so triggered online, he complained about a father of four who tragically died because while still alive, that father of four liked a certain quarterback who played for the Dolphins and might have sent him a couple memes. Chris Sims.
Yes. Yeah.
Good answer. Yes, that is right.
Chris Sims did actually attack a father of four who tragically died and was still upset at that man after he passed away. He was mad that he got me.
Yeah. Was it actually Chris Sims? Yes, it was.
It was. He got to the two and on guy, unfortunately passed away he was mad that he got me was it yeah was it actually chris sims yes it was it was he got to the tune on guy unfortunately passed away really really sad story and chris memes went on pro football talk the next day and was like well he was really mean to me online so should we really feel bad that this guy died that sounds on par all right uh blake griffin we're in the middle of bl trivia.
It's your turn for your question. PFT has your question.
Are you ready? Yes. All right, Blake Griffin, your trivia question.
Blake trivia, I think you're frozen. Yeah, he's frozen.
Your trivia question will be, recite your favorite scene from The Quiet Place. Okay, that's pretty good.
Oh, nice he nailed it good job yes good actor uh okay all right that was round two we're now into round three this is gonna be tricky this is this is you have another trick this is a speed round for the blakes we'll start with kapka we'll go to bortlesles and we'll go to Griffin. And we're going to go until two out of three can't go any further.
So this is called Rhymes with Blake. We're just looking for words that rhymes with Blake.
And as soon as one of you can't come up with it, you're out. And then we'll have one winner for this round.
So, Brooks, you're up first.

Rhymes with Blake.

Any word?

It's awful, but Drake.

Okay.

Yep, that counts.

All right.

Blake Bortles.

Drake.

Okay, nice.

Blake Griffin, frozen.

What did Brooks say?

I couldn't hear him.

He said Drake.

And what did Blake say?

Drake.

Steak.

Okay.

Okay.

Wow.

This is getting intense.

Fake.

Thank you. hear him he said drake and who did what did blake say rake steak okay okay wow this is getting intense fake fake portals lake lake okay cake cake make good answer nice flake flake Shake Shake alright Blake Blake does wrong with Blake Blake Lake has been said Lake You said Lake Didn't you say lake? I thought he said lake.
No, he said lake. That is what it is.
All right, Brooks is out. Portals.
Double lake. Fuck! Jesus Christ! All right, Portals.
Snake. Snake.
Yep. Griffin.
Shake, but spelled like the Muslim way, like shake, like C-H-E-I-K, I believe.

We'll accept it.

S-H-E-M.

Brooks, does that count?

Yeah.

It wouldn't accept the song.

All right.

Portals.

This is getting intense.

Capulate.

Oh, shit. That's one of those $ $10 words I don't think that rhymes either capulate is a T yeah with a T at the end but it sounded good how did you get from the fucking 18th grain to the car so quickly I like threw my stuff in my bag I was like they didn't like my guys they didn't like my first stuff.
I got to get in the car. Also, I don't think capulate is a word.
I think you meant to say copulate. Yeah.
All right. So this means that Blake Griffin is, if he can give us one word here, he could win this round.
Quake. As in earthquake.
We know this. Oh, yeah.
That rhymes. Yeah, quake rhymes.
All right, so Blake Griffin wins round three. I'm going to say Blake Bortles won round one.
Yeah, you're right. His round one answer for what he's done this year to be a Blake was fantastic.
And then round two, I'm going to give it to Brooks. I think it's going to be Brooks.
Brooks set the all-time record. He is the correct answer to that trivia question.
So let me get my calculator out. So that's one round for Blake Bortles, one round for Blake Griffin, one round for Brooks Koepka.
Boys, there's a tie. We have to go to our tiebreaker.
Can you please show what our tiebreaker is? It's a lottery ball machine. No.
Sorry. But there's a twist.
There's a twist. There's a twist to it.
We're going to give you guys all three 32 numbers, correct? Yes. So you get – so Brooks Koepka, you get one through 33.
Blake Bortles, you get 34 through 366. Blake Griffin, you get 67 through 99.
And first to three wins Blake of the year. And the reason why Koepka gets more numbers is because there's no ball number three.
No ball number three. So everyone has 32 numbers exactly.
So are you guys ready? Oh, and then there's a hundred ball that's in the lottery machine. And the hundred ball belongs to everybody else in the world named Blake.
So if the 100 ball hits three times, everyone else except for you guys wins. I got to pause for a second and just be like, this now, Blake of the Year.
Got to name my kid Blake. Yes, yes.
If the 100 ball hits three times, we have now made Blake of the Year. We've pushed these guys to the point where I don't think they'll ever want to do this again.

And I like Iron Man.

Yeah,

it is.

It is the,

it is a feats of strength.

All right. So without further ado,

we're going to hit it.

So first,

the three wins Blake of the year.

Not plugged in.

Oh,

it is.

Here it goes.

First number.

I'm so excited.

This is huge.

Can we turn on the sound in the sound in the studio? Locked in. Yeah, I'll take it.
One more drink, please. Okay, first ball is.
They're going to show it. Oh, here it comes.
Get closer. Get closer.
96. 96.
So that is Blake Griffin has won. That's huge.
This guy always wins. Rigged.
Rigged. Bullshit.
Ball number two. Oh, that looks like a single digit.
That looks like a single digit.

Max?

54.

54.

That's for Blake Bortles.

Blake Bortles has won.

Dude, this is so much karma.

Next number.

This is huge.

This is intense. If anyone can get a two-ball lead, it's going to be...

No one's ever come back.

No one's ever come back.

What do we got?

That's two for Blake Bortles.

Holy shit.

He's one away.

He's one away of Blake of the year.

Give me the whole bottle, please.

Bottle.

And the number

oh that looks like a big one

35

35 so that's Bortles

that's Bortles Blake Bortles

Blake of the Year

wow

overcame a 1-0 deficit

he said he'd been training all year for this

Blake Bortles if you'd like to give

your victory speech

Thank you. Came a one-nothing deficit.
Holy shit. He said he'd been training all year for this.
Blake Bortles, if you'd like to give your victory speech. Yeah, absolutely.
I'd like to thank everybody this past year that's helped me train. Shout out to Brooks and Blake, or Blake and Blake, for the valiant effort.
And I'm going to have to call somebody to break this fucking machine so we don't have to do this again. All right, I'm going to say this right now.

This has been fantastic.

Blake Portals is our Blake of the Year.

We're not releasing this until Friday,

so please don't celebrate until then.

But I'm going to say it right now.

Next year, we're getting everyone together.

We are doing it.

We're going to figure it out.

We're going to do a scramble.

We'll do a golf video.

We're going to get everyone together.

No more Zoom. And we'll figure out a way to do an in-person Blake of the Year.
I mean, if Brooks doesn't win the golf scramble Blake of the Year, I don't know what it's going to take. I think what we're going to do is we're going to do a five-man scramble versus Brooks.
So it'll be me and me. I mean, that's where we all have to get strokes, too.
No, no. We're way up.
You think we can beat him in a scramble? Oh, here we go. Here we go.
You know what it should be? It should be Brooks. Brooks has to be just as drunk, though, as he is right now.
It should be Brooks and Max going alternate shot on one team. You're sitting in front of a blackjack.
You're sitting in front of a car feeling in. Let's play some blackjack.
You know what we should do? You know what we'll do? Actually, we'll do a football toss. We'll do a dunk contest and then we'll do golf.
And then if it's tied after that, we'll go lottery ball. No.
No more lottery balls. All right.
Well, thank you. Thank you to all of our Blakes.
We love you guys. Love you guys.
You guys are a very important part of the show. So thank you for everything.
And congrats again to Blake Bortles. This sucks.
Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys.
Super happy for you, Blake. Congrats, man.
Yeah, Bortles, we need to get you doing the intro for part of my take again yeah you'll be called on Blake I'm super happy for you but this fucking sucks this hurts I'm not gonna lie this hurts you guys just wanna reuse the one from last time? No. Blake Portals last time he won delivered the most monotone welcome to part of my take ever.
All right. Well, thank you, boys.
We'll talk to you. Appreciate you.
Love you all. See you guys.
Okay. That's our show.
We didn't forget any awards, right? There might be one, Big Cat. Was there any? Jay, can you look over the list? Was there one award we had left? Oh, yeah, there is one.
What is it? Award-winning listeners of the year. Well, no, they're not the award-winning listeners.
Oh, listeners of the year. Podcast listeners of the year.
Yeah, podcasts. They become award-winning once they.
So they're on seven straight years. Yeah.
The part of my take listeners certainly are. And I do love them more than anything in the world.
Besides my kids. I love the AWLs because they ride or die with us.
I do love you guys. I appreciate crazy eight.
And I want to give it to them. And eight Pete is just that's is just...
It's never been done in terms of podcast awards.

But what about the Kelsey podcast?

Yeah, they're pretty good.

The Daddy Gang.

Yeah, Daddy Gang. That's strong here.

Yeah.

What about the Rosillo Heads?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, the Ryan Boys.

Yeah.

The Ryan Boys or the Proud Boys?

Yeah, they're both.

That's a lot of good ones. There's the Bill Crew, Billy Crew for Simmons.
Yeah. There's- The Billy Goats is what they call them.
Billy Goats. Billionaires.
They hate for their own fucking podcasts. I'm too Lexi for my shirt, the Friedman listeners.
Yes. Huberman's been coming on strong yes a lot of a lot of really stiff

competition right now okay and like this the the Swifties kind of Adam Friedland show listeners yeah Swifties yeah that's true the little bugs yeah yeah they're pretty good uh okay well I have a coin here should we flip it and decide because we could give it to all the ones we just listed or we could give it to our listeners who are ride or die,

and we love them very much, but we don't want to be biased. Let's let the coin decide.
Okay. What are we giving the listeners, heads or tails? I would like to give every listener heads.
Okay. Every one of you guys.
But some of them deserve some tail. Good point.
Yeah. Hank, why don't you call it? Whoa.
You guys are fucked. Or should we let Max do it? Yeah, we got to let Max do it.
Max, you call it. Oh, no.
This is just... We haven't flipped it.

This is...

No, Max, you got to do it.

Gearing up to be something terrible.

Make him flip it.

I will say...

I'll say Tails.

Tails.

Tails.

It never fails.

I'm going to let it land.

They actually might lose this year.

I can't believe we...

They might lose.

No, why do we do this?

Billy, let the coin...

Just let him win. Don't actually make it.
Stop. Let the coin talk.
Oh! That hit the cup. It hit the cup.
No, dude. We can't.
Just let them win like every year. No.
It's Sanjay! Oh! Eight years in a row. That'll be the first one.
Clearly hit the cup. It did.
It bounced off. Very clearly it's a row.

I mean, the first one clearly hit the cup.

It did.

It bounced off.

It very clearly hit the cup.

It always never counts when it hits the cup.

You can't hit the cup.

You cannot hit the cup.

You can't hit the cup.

It hit on its side, right?

It hit the cup.

You can't hit the cup.

Can't do it.

Yeah, it can't do the cup.

It's a win for the listeners, Max.

I'm being selfish.

Holy shit.

Eight years in a row.

We do sincerely love you guys so, so much thank you for everything honestly yeah you guys you guys are a big deal to us yeah we appreciate you tuning in you listening all the mean tweets all the nice tweets everything uh we do we do very much love you guys yeah we have we are all blessed we have the greatest job in the entire world there's still days i wake wake up and I'm like, I can't believe people like listening to us. We're a bunch of fucking idiots and losers, Max.
But yeah, it's incredible how many people listen and ride with us and support us. So you deserve it eight years in a row.
And it did hit the cup. We all saw the cup.
That does not count. It bounced right off the cup.
It bounced it bounced right off the cup it bounced right off the cup it went sideways it went 90 degrees off the cup yeah you can't do the cup we all know right because it's the cup right exactly so AWL's 8 years in a row I'll hit the fucking table if I want 8 years in a row it's a celebration yes congratulations let's clap it Let's clap it up. Good job, guys.
Great takeies.

All AWLs.

How much more do you think we can sell those tickets to

in 10th year? I'm actually

doing the math in my head. Depending on the size of

the theater that we got, we...

Wait, why didn't we... We should do it in

Saudi Arabia. We could

put a hundred grand on red.

Yeah. What a thrill

that would be. Yeah.
What a thrill that would be. Have everyone just walked down to the casino with us after? Yeah.
Oh, man. I'm getting excited thinking about it.
All right. Last up.
The queen has already taken 69. No, but that's a false start.
That's not a false start. That's a false start.
She is a wonderful presenter. Guests get special privilege, right? Guests get special privilege.
And also, Billy, what, she's supposed to supposed to still be alive and wait for numbers yeah come on she's dead the queen gets 69 uh numbers 17 18 i'll go 26 i'm gonna go 99 i was married to 69 i'm kind of like feeling some freedom picking another number now. Oh, yeah.
Switch up positions a little bit.

The queen, dude. The queen.
Dude, now I'm like, yo, I want to see how 46 rides around. Okay.
I'm going to go for Biden. Live of the year.
Yeah. There it is.
True to form. It's going to be electric if someone got this.
I I get 46, then I... Looks like a...

87.

Bob Dunkhouse.

87.

Baby Dronk.

Yeah.

Baby Dronk!

He rizzed up that lottery machine.

Damn, man.

I'm a Baby Diggs guy.

Always will be.

Love you guys. I mean it.
I love a baby digs guy. Love you guys.

I mean it. I love you guys.

Kill a monster. I'll be coming for your lover.
Wait on me. Take me on.
I'll be gone. And after all, too.
Needless to say. I'm all the sadness.
But I'll be still in a way. No, it's okay.
Say after me. It no better to be safe than sorry.

Take on me.

Take me home.

I'll be gone.

We'll see you next time. I'll be gone.
I'll be gone.

Things that you say, yeah, a little level.

Just to play my worries away.

You're all the things I've got to remember.

Are you shying away?

Well, I'll be coming for you anyway. Take on me.

Take me on.

I'll be gone.

After I take. I'll be gone with a tea.