The 2023 Takie Awards

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, the 2023 Takeys are here. We have over 20 categories.
We have Blake of the Year. We have guest presenters.
We have podcast listeners of the year.

Speaker 1 The AWL is going for eight in a row. Hopefully they get it.
A huge, huge show. One of our favorite shows to do every single year.
The Takeies are here.

Speaker 3 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo. The whole is greater than the sum of its sauce.
Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch Sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 1 At participating, McDonald's. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And I'm not loud to of stuff work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out or washing,

Speaker 1 and then I can't blame all of the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue,

Speaker 1 and then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Electric. Pardon my take

Speaker 1 presented by Barstamps.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Pardon My Take. Today is Friday, July 14th, and welcome to the 2022-2023 Takeies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the most magical night of the sports year. We're so glad that you guys could join us again.
The seven-time award-winning listeners

Speaker 1 going for eight.

Speaker 1 The eight Pete. Never been done before in sports.
Lewis Hamilton. Lewis Hamilton.
UNC Women's Soccer. Yeah.
Dynasty. Are the AWLs bad for podcast listeners? It might be.

Speaker 1 So there are 28, I believe, awards we're giving out tonight.

Speaker 1 Just as an aside, we were so stupid to do an award show in the middle of the summer because then we always get just confused about when the year starts and ends. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I hate that we did that. That was really dumb of us.
I was thinking that the other day, like, shout out to baseball. They have their entire season in one year.
It's beautiful.

Speaker 1 It's the best thing about the game. You don't have to think about anything else.
Yeah. It's like, oh, yeah, it happened in this year.
What do you mean? When's the Super Bowl?

Speaker 1 No, these are the takeies from around last year, this time, to around this year, this time. We've got some great, great categories, some classics, some repeats.
We've got some originals.

Speaker 1 It's a good show. I'm excited.
By the way, cheers to everyone. Cheers.
Cheers to the takies. We're all dressed up if you're watching on the YouTube.

Speaker 1 Cheers.

Speaker 1 It's a Friday. Drink along the shotgun, Billy.
Yeah, drink along. Billy doesn't even really drink anymore.
What color do you think of when you see that can?

Speaker 1 Depends on the blue. Let's go.
All right, here we go. So, 28 awards are giving out, give or take.

Speaker 1 We are going to get through all of them. We're going to have Blake of the Year towards the end.
We're going to have the podcast listeners of the year towards the end.

Speaker 1 We're very excited for this program. We're ready to go.
Should we kick it off? Should we get it going? We also have a few celebrity presenters of awards.

Speaker 1 Any last words before we get going with the takies? I'm excited to see who wins. What year? How many years? This is our eighth takeies? Eighth takesies.
Yeah, we started in 2016. So this is 2023.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm going to say it right now.
10th takeies.

Speaker 1 We got a fucking, we got to,

Speaker 1 no, I was going to say, we got to do a live show.

Speaker 1 I'll be nude for the live show. We got to do a live show, 10th Takeies.

Speaker 1 Vegas? This is a big time future us, bro. Yeah, no, but that's okay.
That's two years from now. That'd be so cool, though.
Yeah. Do it in Youngstown.
Live show, decade. Hawaii.
oh

Speaker 1 what about okay so

Speaker 1 hear me out responsibly okay what if we did a live show in vegas

Speaker 1 what if we did a live show in vegas sold it out took that money put it on red

Speaker 1 that would be fun responsibly it would be very funny it would be our hard work so that's responsible yeah it's our hard work well we'll think about i think we should do the 10th year live show with special guests i think we should do it somewhere random.

Speaker 1 Okay. How about Las Vegas? Or what if we did like a pop-up? We're just like, hey, we're here.
We're just in a random spot. What about Black Rock, Colorado? Okay.
That's a good thing.

Speaker 1 Black Hawk.

Speaker 1 Okay. Temecula.
Meet us in Temecula. Afghanistan.

Speaker 1 Just throwing out some things. North Korea.
A lot of riders. Kim Jong-un, huge AWL.
Mm-hmm. Big time.

Speaker 1 Okay. Prague.
Him and Jake both get into holes in one all the time. Yes.
Not fake. Totally real.
Real, real, real. Your holes in one are just as real, Jake.
Uh, okay, should we get going? Let's do it.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 first up,

Speaker 1 the Takey Award for two online person of the year.

Speaker 1 There's been a lot of people who've been two online this year. Deep field.
We have nominees, Elon Musk. Elon Musk bought Twitter, got very much online, bought it as a joke

Speaker 1 to basically troll everyone. And then he also got revealed to have a burner account that is his son, I think.
He's cosplaying as his son.

Speaker 1 Some of his burner account tweets were, this is my first tweet.

Speaker 1 Crypto is confusing. It's a three-year-old, so that would understand.
Yeah, it's confusing for me, too. Only one person is following me, Sy.

Speaker 1 That's relatable. For the love of God, can someone follow me? Hello, please follow me.
And then finally, his last tweet from his burner account is on April 24th, I will finally turn three on May 4th.

Speaker 1 In the words of Elon Musk, interesting. Interesting.
So he was very much online. Concerning.
So online that you can't get,

Speaker 1 it's very online. He was very online all year.
Well, he spent $44 billion because he's so online. To get online.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Billy, Billy Football is nominated for this take.

Speaker 1 Very much online this year. Oh, Billy broke out in a cold sweat the other day when Reddit was down.
Oh, he's like, Where am I going to learn about

Speaker 1 what I should think at any given moment? Yes, Billy was very much online all year. A lot of,

Speaker 1 I saw a study, I saw a reply to, we're still waiting for the picture of Jimmy Butler's mom with Michael Jordan. He hasn't been able to find that.
He keeps claiming, well, it was on TikTok.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to find it.

Speaker 1 So Billy was very online. What did you say, Billy? You were pretty online this year.
Yeah, it's because I'm always grinding, looking for stories, doing my job.

Speaker 1 That's where I got to sift through a lot of trash to find some gold and put it out there. So

Speaker 1 I'm glad to be here. You did break the we got weights and fish story because of how online you are.
Yeah. Yes.
So congrats.

Speaker 1 I've realized one new thing that Billy says when you can tell that he's about to lie about something or quote misinformation, he'll say, it has been said that. And then he'll go on and say the thing.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 That's the new trigger phrase that he's got. Yes.
Yes. Next up, we have

Speaker 1 Michael Palace

Speaker 1 at Gangrene Palace.

Speaker 1 This was during, I believe, the Thursday night football game, Dolphins versus Bengals, when Tua got severely concussed off of a concussion he had the week before, uh, got stretchered off in a cart.

Speaker 1 He tweeted, I don't give a shit if you cancel me over this, but Tua concussion equals January 6, 2021.

Speaker 1 So, very much online, very, very online. It's basically taking the most online things and melding them together.
It's probably having an insurrection against itself. It was quite a take.

Speaker 1 Next up in the two online category, we have Chris Sims,

Speaker 1 also also related to Tua. So we talked about a couple months ago the passing of the founder of Tuanon, Chris Sims,

Speaker 1 got triggered about a man passing away who had four kids, was a veteran, and he was like, well, he was mean to me online, so I don't mourn him. Yeah, he was basically like,

Speaker 1 well, yeah, I guess it's sad that he passed away, but also he was the guy that used to, he used to say mean stuff to me.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I don't have any time for, like, he was a symbol of larger hate on the internet.

Speaker 1 No, he just liked football yeah a whole lot and he was funny and creative and he basically makes our jobs because the fans that are that uh passionate are the people who listen to the shows but yeah Chris Sims a little too online to not be able to take a step back and be like oh a man tragically lost his life leaving four kids he was like no but remember that time he uh he quote tweeted one of my my Tua takes that was very mean once in a while I get the feeling that is the top button that he's got button there just it cuts off the circulation of the brain a little bit a little Missoula-ish a little bit and then finally uh we have RG3's thread which people are still talking about to this day if the Denver Nuggets players each had a dipping sauce what sauce best describes them and they were all the exact same description yeah sometimes tangy sometimes sweet yes so RG3 very much online when his contribution to the NBA Finals was what are these guys as sauces.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he had actually a really great tweet a couple days ago. It was the thread that was going around.
put a picture of you at your job. Oh, yeah.
Doing something awesome.

Speaker 1 And the picture was just him and his family. Oh, nice.
Because that's his most important job, is being a dad. He should have done it as him as Subway RG3.
Remember that?

Speaker 1 Remember how they made RG3 out of Subway sandwiches? Out of meat. Yeah, that was a great one.
That was sick. Okay, the winner.
Drumroll.

Speaker 1 The winner of the two online person of the year goes to Elon Musk. Congrats, Elon.
Congrats to Elon.

Speaker 1 He was so online. He bought a website to be more online and control all the online.

Speaker 1 There also was a report that not only did he have a burner account, but he was able to seize an account that he wanted for a very long time because he bought it.

Speaker 1 So there could be a chance he bought Twitter for $44 billion just to get a single account back.

Speaker 1 He probably bought it so that he could log in to his ex-girlfriend's account and then refollow himself on Twitter. Yes.
So congratulations to Elon. Wins the first takeie of the year.

Speaker 1 We will have all the takeies listed on Twitter tomorrow. We will congratulate Elon.
Hopefully he will be on the show. Come on the show, yeah.
Yeah, come on the show.

Speaker 1 You chew online person of the year. You'll see it because you're online.

Speaker 1 Okay, next up, PFT. Okay, next up, we have the Jess Chill Out Man of the Year.

Speaker 1 A lot of great nominees for the Jess Chill Out Man of the Year.

Speaker 1 First off, we have Shannon Sharp.

Speaker 1 Shannon Sharp is nominated for saying that he wanted to pour honey all over LeBron James when LeBron James said that if you see him in a fight, him and a grizzly bear,

Speaker 1 better start rooting for the bear. And Shannon Sharp said, Well, I'm going to pour honey on you, King.
Oh, the king part is the part. The king part is tough.
That's the weird part.

Speaker 1 As somebody pointed out, he wants to glaze LeBron James, quite literally.

Speaker 1 What was the exact quote? Is I'm pouring honey on you, King, or something like that? I'm pouring honey on you, goat. Yeah, pouring, let's see, I'm pulling it up right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm pouring honey on you, goat.

Speaker 1 It's illegal to kill a bear unless under attack.

Speaker 1 Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face.

Speaker 1 He wants to pour honey all over LeBron.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is Shannon Sharp

Speaker 1 for trying to fight John Morant at the game. So just chill out.
Just chill out, Shannon. Yeah.
Maybe he was on some. Yeah, he may have had a point.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is Shannon. Well, no, I mean, he definitely needs to chill out if he's trying to fight John Morant.
Yes. He's going to get shot.

Speaker 1 By the way, we should have done

Speaker 1 you don't want to fuck with. Just an honorary takeie.
Just throw it out there. We'll just give the takeie.

Speaker 1 We should should do Gun Wielder of the Year, John Morant. You want it.
Yeah. We forgot to do John Morant.
Alex Baldwin? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Good one, Billy.

Speaker 1 That was two years ago. That was two years ago.
Come on, Billy. So you can't win.
Yeah, so make that graphic too. John Morant, Gun Wielder of the Year.

Speaker 1 Shannon Sharp is also nominated for protesting Skip Bayless. Yes.

Speaker 1 When Skip was talking about what the NFL schedule was going to be like within minutes of DeMar collapsing on the field, and then Shannon Sharp just didn't go on the show the next day. Yeah.
Chill out.

Speaker 1 Also, I'm going to toss an extra nominee, Shannon Sharp. Oh.
For when he cried on the air saying goodbye to Skip Bayless and thanking him. Who's going to win this?

Speaker 1 He said that he wasn't going to cry and then he proceeded to cry everywhere.

Speaker 1 And then the final nominee is Shannon Sharp for grabbing my elbow and approaching me from behind and getting all horned up because he saw my ass. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 This is going to be.

Speaker 1 The winner

Speaker 1 of the just chill out man of the year is brought to you.

Speaker 1 I'm saying it. I'm saying it.
Relax. Calm down.
Calm down. The winner is brought to you via celebrity guest.
Oh, this is one you've got, or did Hank get it? I got it.

Speaker 1 Hank got it. Nice.
Give you a clue. We haven't seen any of these.
He's been an award presenter, I think, every year. Nice.

Speaker 1 Shoe nice.

Speaker 1 Everyone, shoe nice. I got it.

Speaker 1 Well, basically, as a guest on this

Speaker 1 episode of Pardon My Take,

Speaker 1 I'm going to put on my game page

Speaker 1 and announce that the takey

Speaker 1 for just chill out man award goes to shannon sharp for his weirdly erratic instagram post defending lebron's honor just chill out shannon either way we'll see you next episode of pardon my take

Speaker 1 yankee

Speaker 1 thanks shoe nice

Speaker 1 i bet shoe nice could eat Shannon Sharp if he was covered in honey. Well, I was going to say, was there an extra option to pay for him to just eat a whole thing of honey?

Speaker 1 Because he probably would have done it. Uh-huh.
That was like of all the things Shoe Nice is eating, he's eaten. I watched him once eat 50 tampons.
Most edible.

Speaker 1 Like, he ate a full cactus.

Speaker 1 Guy can eat anything. He eats cans.

Speaker 1 Me and Max were talking about this the other day because I used to watch his videos when I was younger. And then I remember when I got into Barstow, I was like, oh, I got to look up Shunice.

Speaker 1 I bet you he's super famous. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Somehow he didn't. I don't know how he didn't didn't catch he needs to he needs to become like a professional

Speaker 1 he needs to compete in in the plimpton seat on uh the fourth of july hot dog eating contest chugging avoclear isn't really sustainable yeah but he does more than that did you hear about the 50 tampons

Speaker 1 he's done everything so i actually didn't know who shoe nice was until i started working here yeah really legend of the internet i it's well billy your brain has been formed by here so like you you've no always been in this world

Speaker 1 watching shoe nice before like probably on barstool sports is what he's pointing out.

Speaker 1 I was nine years old watching Shoe Nice.

Speaker 1 The Elmer's Glue video was the one that really put the hook into me.

Speaker 1 Listen. He just drank a full bottle of Elmer's Glue.
I'll just say Shoe Nice being alive, that's incredible. He's a special human.
We should nominate him for Still Alive Person at the end.

Speaker 1 Yes, he'll get thrown in there.

Speaker 1 Okay. Good job.
Congratulations, Shannon Sharp. Rubbing honey on LeBron.
He has quite a little. Do you think it's LeBron obsession? I think it started as a backlash against Skips.
Right.

Speaker 1 But then he totally bought into the point where he's fantasizing about rubbing honey all over him. Yes, yes, yes.
Okay, next up, lateral of the year. Lateral of the year.
New category.

Speaker 1 So the nominees are Cliff Kingsbury from going from head coach of the Arizona Cardinals to assistant coach at USC. So that's a nice lateral move.
Pretty much the exact same. Just as prestigious.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just as prestigious.

Speaker 1 I thought he was taking a year off. No, that was, that was, that didn't happen.
He just went to Thailand for a month and just banged it all out of his system. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We have

Speaker 1 Derek Carr from going from the Las Vegas Raiders, where he didn't make the playoffs, to the New Orleans Saints, where he probably won't make the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and also, I mean, in Las Vegas, what do you do? You gamble and you drink. Yeah.
That's what you do in New Orleans. You gamble and you drink.
Unless you're Derek Carr.

Speaker 1 You do none of those things in that city.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Jacoby Myers for the lateral, the Patriots lateral to lose a game to the Raiders.

Speaker 1 One of the funniest moments in can we actually put in that clip of Hank? No. React copy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Max will put in that clip.
Keep in mind that was the only time the whole season we recorded early. Yes.
And that's just happened to be. Not cool.
Mac Jones getting stiff armed by Chandler Jones.

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, man.
So let's actually revisit that moment.

Speaker 1 It's a tie game. We got a tie Patriots game.
That's true. All right.

Speaker 1 That sets the stage. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 A little lateral. Just threw it back.

Speaker 1 They know it's a tie tie game? Rugby. This is dangerous.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Raiders.
Oh, my God. Oh my God.
That was the crazy one. Oh, my God.
Rets can still.

Speaker 1 And then the last nominee is Kevin Durant from going from the Brooklyn Nets, who with Kevin Durant, probably would have been a second-round exit, maybe a first-round exit.

Speaker 1 You know, they did go first-round exit, to the Phoenix Suns, who were a second-round exit. Good job, Kevin.
Good, good lateral move. Okay, do we have a cameo, Hank? Sure do.
Yes. Okay, let's go, Hank.

Speaker 1 So this award is brought to you by

Speaker 1 oh,

Speaker 1 nice. That's that's smart.

Speaker 4 Hello, AWLs. It's me, Tim Woods, and I'm here to present the takeie for lateral of the year.

Speaker 4 And it is absolutely none other than Jacoby Myers and his lateral against the Raiders. Jacoby, come on up here and get your award.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 4 All right.

Speaker 4 I'm seeing that he has handed the award over to Chandler Jones. It do be like that sometimes, though.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 it do be like that.

Speaker 1 Oh, you just 20 cented died inside, Hank. That is so fucking good.
Tim Woods should just present all of our awards next year. Actually, he should be at the live show.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, he should be the live show. Yeah.
We could just be in attendance.

Speaker 1 Okay. So lateral of the year.
Hank, any thoughts on that? I mean, that was the lateral. Yeah, I mean, I think it was kind of unfair nominations.

Speaker 1 There was no actual other laterals besides the Jacoby Myers one, so it was a little bit slanted, but that's fine. What about Derek Carr? Not a lateral.
No, there were other lateral moves.

Speaker 1 That's different than a lateral. That's the same thing.
Okay.

Speaker 1 PFT, what do you got next? Okay, next up, this is a great award. We love this award.
It's Pervert of the Year. Last year, things got a little out of hand with Pervert Award.

Speaker 1 We gave it to an Italian guy who's only turns out 10% Italian, and then it proceeded to absolutely destroy his personal life on the golf course. So we're not calling Max that anymore.

Speaker 1 We're not using the P-word. Nope.
But the nominees this year for Pervert of the Year are Zach Wilson for banging his friend's mom. Or sorry, his mom's friends.
His mom's friends. His mom's friends.

Speaker 1 His mom's friends. Zach Wilson nominated, and then I guess his life kind of fell apart.

Speaker 1 Next up, Dan Orlovsky. Dan Orlovsky, Pervert of the Year nominee

Speaker 1 for posting screenshots of him on Twitter, and he's very clearly using incognito mode for who knows what reason. I guess he just doesn't want people to find his personal information.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and also Dan Orlovsky for writing an entire blog post about how he doesn't masturbate. He doesn't masturbate

Speaker 1 by not ever looking at a woman. Yeah.
Dan Orlovsky is basically in the Taliban. Yes.
Never being in a room with a woman and just crushing game film.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in his brain, constantly, it's just my wife, my wife. He's like Borat.
Yes. Next nominee is Italian people, just in general.
Italian people nominated for Pervert of the Year.

Speaker 1 Max, that includes you. Does not include Max Homa.
Okay, I was going to say, because Max Homa is Italian. He's 10% Italian.
10% Italian. So he's like the letter P.
Okay. Not pervert.

Speaker 1 Just the letter P. My children have all been nominated.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Livvie Dunn. Livvy Dunn is nominated for Rising Up Baby Gronk.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Baby Gronk gave her a side hug, though. Kind of curved her a little bit.
Yeah. So a lot of great nominees and our winner of Pervert of the Year.

Speaker 5 Hello, this is Kelly Mortensen of Milth Manor here to present the Taki Award of Pervert of the Year. And the winner is drum roll, please.

Speaker 5 Zach Wilson of the New York Jets. Congratulations, Zach.

Speaker 5 We're so proud of you.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 5 Nice work. And if you keep your balls out of the dirt, maybe you could pull a couple come from behind wins.
And we all know that you're more than a man than what most girls can handle.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 5 we hope you enjoy this award. And we're super thrilled that you're the one.

Speaker 1 All right. Thank you, Kelly.
Kelly. Kelly is beautiful.
Huge fan of her work. Yeah, really.
Huge fan of her work. Shout out Milf Manor.
Yes. Milf Manor.
Big shout out.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Next up. We have Fall of the Year.
Fall of the Year. Takey Fall of the Year.
I don't know if we had this last year,

Speaker 1 but the nominees are Jason Derulo falling at the Met Gallum. That was so funny.
Yes, incredible. Incredible.
We have Joe Biden, not once, but twice.

Speaker 1 He fell off his bicycle, and then he fell

Speaker 1 giving commencement to

Speaker 1 Air Force. Yep.

Speaker 1 People say there was a sandbag. I think he might just be old.
There was a wire that was next to him. Okay.
And it looked like it was going to jump up and get him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he had to act fast, and he wasn't fast enough. enough.

Speaker 1 We have Will Levis falling in the draft. Friend of the show, but he did fall.
He fell. He fell.
That's undisputable. He fell, but he fell to a good place.
It's out of respect. Yeah.
Out of respect.

Speaker 1 And then our last nominee is the tree at the 17th T at the Masters.

Speaker 1 Big time fall. It fell, but did it really fall? Because it got taken away in like five minutes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Still incredible that no one was hurt. I don't know what the Masters do, but they...
The patrons were safe.

Speaker 1 Do you think someone might have died and we just would never know? Yeah, they just bury him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Buried at Augusta. It's pretty sick.
Yeah, under the new tree. Yeah.
Big dimple head move right there. They'd have to name a bridge after you or something.
Yeah, that's true. Okay, the winner.

Speaker 1 Drum roll.

Speaker 1 It's President Joe Biden. Congrats.
Congrats, President. Guy just can't stop falling.
And it is funny every time. He's addicted to it.
And

Speaker 1 it's also a great litmus test. What his first real win.
Nice, Billy.

Speaker 1 It's also a great litmus test of who just takes things way too seriously online.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we should all be able to gather around and join hands when a president eats shit. It's like puke videos, nutshots, falls.
I can laugh at all of them. Yeah, they're great.
They're great.

Speaker 1 I hope he falls seven more times. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I actually,

Speaker 1 when he fell and I tweeted it, I was like, look at him just pointing at a random object being like, kill that object.

Speaker 1 Someone's like, would you make fun of your grandmother if she fell? I was like, well, my grandmother's dead and she's not the president.

Speaker 1 You kind of sign up to get made fun of by becoming president. When you fall, because guess what? Walking is one of the first things we learn to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I now I'm trying to think how many times I fell this year. It was probably three or four times.
A couple trips. A couple trips.
But you know what?

Speaker 1 If you're young, you can play it off, take that next step, and then just pretend like you were, you know, you meant to do it. Yeah, exactly.
She'd be like, oh, no. Well, yeah, who put that there?

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. He did do that.
He was like, who the fuck put that thing there? It was excellent alertness on his part. Yeah, who put that platform there that I've been standing on for 20 minutes?

Speaker 1 Who put the earth beneath my feet? This is bullshit. All right, so congratulations to President Joe Biden.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have the Creeper of the Year award. The Creeper of the Year.

Speaker 1 First nominee, Vince McMahon,

Speaker 1 getting fired from his own job that he created and invented for, I don't know, probably like a baker's dozen sexual assault cases. Felt like a lot.
It was a lot.

Speaker 1 But then getting brought back into the fold and then selling for billions of dollars. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All-time creeper comeback story. Yeah, it's touching really to see.

Speaker 1 Some may even say it pays to be a creeper.

Speaker 1 What's got next? If you just look at Vince McMahon.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Ime Udoka. Oh.
Former coach of the Boston Celtics, nominated for redacted. We don't know.
What did he do? It was redacted. Hank, did you ever dig into that?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Nothing to find.

Speaker 1 There was nothing there?

Speaker 1 Ring camera. Well, then that makes no sense.
Why would they fire him? That would be a bad organization that would do that. Yeah.
Well, actually, you know what? Let's ask our Celtex fan.

Speaker 1 Sure. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 that was great. Great.
What, what, Billy?

Speaker 1 Never mind. No, say it.
It's the tape. You just said, wait.
You can't wait us. Then never mind.

Speaker 1 They asked him to stop going back to the house, and he just went in the back door. Ooh, nice.
Little anal sex joke. No, no, it wasn't.
Like, literally, they caught him on ring camera.

Speaker 1 Do you know the whole story i don't i still don't this is not true okay don't know like billy tell us the whole story you're about to hear is based off in factual

Speaker 1 in the back door and they got him on the back door ring camera where did they fucked her in the ass sure okay where is this coming from i thought we all knew this i did not know any of this no this is not true Is this another Reddit thing?

Speaker 1 This is the Reddit thing. I'm starting to think Billy should have won two online for sure.
No, no.

Speaker 1 Okay, and the final nominee. I just thought Joe Missoula was a better fit.
Yeah, final nominee. Who, the wife?

Speaker 1 Final nominee for Creeper of the Year is Darren Revelle, friend of the podcast, Chief Darren Revelle correspondent, Darren Revelle himself. Nominated for the J.J.
Watt interception when J.J.

Speaker 1 Watt was playing his last game and went to go talk to special needs children. And Darren Revelle stepped in front of the kids to congratulate and give a big hug to J.J.

Speaker 1 Watt and congratulate him first. It was

Speaker 1 quite a video that he willingly put out. And

Speaker 1 what did he say?

Speaker 1 Didn't he say something like, I waited all worked to get into position for 18 minutes, crying emoji, crying emoji.

Speaker 1 18 minutes. 18 minutes of boxing out kids with Down syndrome.
Great job, Darren. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the presenter for Creeper of the Year is brought to you by.

Speaker 1 Hey, we are the Island Boys here to present the tacky for Creeper of the Year. Shout out to Darren Rovell, you're creeper.
You win Creeper of the Year.

Speaker 1 Nice job not letting JJ Watt celebrate his retirement with special needs children. Hanks, a little bitch.

Speaker 1 The island boys are back. They are back.
Did they ever leave? I'm an island boy.

Speaker 1 I mean, they were on

Speaker 1 from the Caribbean. Oh, no, that was another Billy.
No, no, no. Yeah, Billy, when we were putting together this list, Billy was like, I don't know if we can use the Island Boys.

Speaker 1 I think that they were like with Jeffrey Epstein. And then he showed me a picture, and within five seconds, I debunked it as being an AI-produced image that is definitely not real.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 But they're from Florida. Yeah, I know.
It was all starting to add up. Billy, we should just give Elon Musk and Billy Wynn, the two online guys of the guy.
Yeah, co-winners. Yes,

Speaker 1 retroactively. Dude, I have to be online every day.
It's hard. You go deep, though.
Billy, so do we. Yeah.
I know, but we don't believe that. You guys grew up before the internet.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, like, you know what reality is. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's take a quick break for an ad, and then we have some more takies on the other side. Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boars Head makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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Okay, next takeie.

Speaker 1 This is

Speaker 1 Jake Marsh's favorite award. It is the wild of the year.

Speaker 1 Wild of the year.

Speaker 1 Jake, I'll let let you just say after each nominee how wild. So

Speaker 1 what are you going to say?

Speaker 1 Billy's Billy looked like he's had a revelation. Billy, you got a revelation? No, Shoe Aotan.
He just hit a home run. Okay, well, we can talk about that now.
Congratulations.

Speaker 1 Who hit me's first pick?

Speaker 1 Memes, first pick. Okay.

Speaker 1 Wild of the year.

Speaker 1 First up, we have Nikola Jokic wearing a Denver Nuggets sweatshirt as a five-year-old Serbian boy, and then 20 years later, 23 years later, winning an NBA title, the first in franchise history with the Denver Nuggets.

Speaker 1 That's wild. That is wild.

Speaker 1 Jake, wild? Yeah, very wild. I mean, you would think a guy from international waters would wear a big market team, not the Denver Nuggets.

Speaker 1 No, I think it's the first time Serbia has been referred to as international waters.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, anything outside of the U.S.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, next up, we have

Speaker 1 Travis Kelsey and Jason Kelsey playing against each other in the Super Bowl, and their mom was there. Oh, that's wild.

Speaker 1 It's pretty wild, right, Jake? They're brothers? Brothers. It's crazy, I mean, there's 32 teams.
Is that crazy or wild?

Speaker 1 Uh-oh. This is wild.
Okay.

Speaker 1 The end.

Speaker 1 That's the highest amount. There's wild, and then this is wild.
Okay. Oh, yeah.
So this is wild. This is wild.
Okay, this is wild.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have in the NCAA tournament, Florida Atlantic Atlantic played the Tennessee Volunteers in, what was it, the Sweet 16.

Speaker 1 And the athletic director for both programs, they were brothers. Oh, man, that's wild.
Pretty freaking wild, if you ask me. So it was Danny and Brian White going up against each other.

Speaker 1 I mean, think about this. There's like 363 teams.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let alone those two teams making the tournament. Let alone those two teams being in the same region.
Let alone them playing each other in Madison Square Garden. Okay, but how many brothers are there?

Speaker 1 That are both athletic directors? No, just brothers in general. Millions.
Okay. And these are the two.
There might be more than

Speaker 1 I'm doing the math. There might be billions or trillions.
There probably is billions of people. There might be trillions.
There's billions of brothers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Billions.

Speaker 1 Wild. Wild.
Okay. But I'm doing the math now.
You said 360. I think there's 363 now.
363 teams.

Speaker 1 The brothers face off. How many NFL teams are there? 32.

Speaker 1 So that, okay, I don't want to jump ahead. That sounds more wild to me.
Yeah, well, let's see. Let's see.

Speaker 1 And then finally, we have the Pittsburgh Steelers drafting Joey Porter Jr., named after his father, Joey Porter, who played for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Wow, that, Jake,

Speaker 1 crazy. I saw a picture, too.

Speaker 1 Joey Porter Jr. at the Super Bowl that the Steelers won.
How did he get tickets? Oh, because his dad was on the team. Oh, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's wild. That is wild.
Okay, winner.

Speaker 1 Jake, do you want to say it? Presented by Jake Marsh.

Speaker 1 The Kelseys. Oh, the Kelsey Bowl.
Truly wild.

Speaker 1 And not the first Super Bowls featuring brothers in the last 10 to 12 years. Wait, so that makes it less wild.

Speaker 1 Competitors. Fuck.
Well, it's of the year. Of the year.
That's true. Good point.
Go for it. Good point.
You always get us out of here. That shows how unbiased the judging is.
What?

Speaker 1 We're just giving it up to competitors. It doesn't matter.
Oh, podcasters? Well, they are. We'll see what happens when we get to that.
Well, it's their mom, too. Yeah, it's really

Speaker 1 their mom. We're giving it to their mom.
I think her name's Donna. Yeah, Donna Kelsey wins it.
She's got wild ovaries. She had two children, two children who then ended up in the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Truly wild.

Speaker 1 Dad really didn't get any shine. No, that's a mom's time to get shine.
Yeah, but the dad could have gotten in the mix a little bit. He probably didn't want the shine.
Football guy. That's fine.

Speaker 1 That's fine, but I just would have liked to. I don't even know who the dad is.
He's probably just a soccer fan. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 What do we got up next, PFT? We have Next Up of the Year.

Speaker 1 Who's next?

Speaker 1 Who's next in the world of sports? First nominee, Baby Gronk. Baby Gronk nominated for getting rizzed up by Livy Dunn.
Who could forget? Did he get rizzed up or did he riz?

Speaker 1 I think he got rizzed up because Livy went in for the hug. He gave her a side hug.
Okay. Yeah.
What were you going to say, Billy? I mean, big L to Drip King. Yeah, big L to L to Drip King.

Speaker 1 Baby Gronk might be the new Drip king trust free what's rizzing up

Speaker 1 i mean i know so i don't have to tell you yeah rizzing you don't know rizzing up jay no i don't yeah uh it's when you uh when you put the riz on someone yeah when you meet livvi dunn and get a hug yeah

Speaker 1 no it's when you rizz them your dad may have risz up your mom okay

Speaker 1 i'm getting it now okay you get it yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 Okay, sounds like you've never risked. Yeah, you've done a lot of risk.
You're Rizless. Next nominee

Speaker 1 is baby diggs baby diggs also might be next up

Speaker 1 pulling in the one-handed catches everything everything

Speaker 1 baby diggs is i mean he is electric you guys know what riz is short for charisma yeah yeah uh yeah baby baby diggs i love baby diggs i love baby diggs do you love looking at baby diggs i love looking at baby diggs this highlight reel is better than baby girl one of my favorite things to do is go online and look for baby diggs yeah just pictures of baby diggs yes

Speaker 1 It's wonderful. He is electric.
It's a great way to spend a boring afternoon. Yes.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Charlie Woods. Ooh, Si Woo.
Nominated Siwoo. Si Woo.
That's right. I mean, I almost feel bad putting him in this category because

Speaker 1 he's almost there. He is.
He's getting there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Next up is Connor Bedard.

Speaker 1 Let's get Bedard in here. Yes.
Future star for the Chicago Blackhawks. Already better than Connor McDavid.
Yes. Future,

Speaker 1 why did I impulsively buy season tickets the night that we got the number one pick? But that feels good. Also nominated, we have Victor Wimbign

Speaker 1 from France. France.
From France. The Frenchman.
Not played in Summer League. Bust.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Okay. I like that take.

Speaker 1 And here to present the award for next up of the year is the greatest soccer player of all time,

Speaker 1 World Cup champion, Lionel Messi. Messi, take it away.

Speaker 6 Hi, I am Messi.

Speaker 6 It is my honor to present the 2023 Tacky for next up of the years.

Speaker 6 And the winner is Charlie Woods. Charlie, I know you are a soccer fan.
So good to go.

Speaker 6 I wanted to say you have one next.

Speaker 6 You are so cool, a lot,

Speaker 6 and strong, and good at golf.

Speaker 6 Bro, you are a this, bro. Congrats, Charlie.

Speaker 6 Charlie, so so Jenar y so ungran cuor de gol haci que demando men filicitacione. Agadia al mesi de saluda.
Entamo biendo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, Charlie. I mean, I mean, not biased, not biased.
Not biased at all, Charlie. I mean, he's he's going, he's virtually there already.
He's he's going to win the PGA tour, the entire thing.

Speaker 1 FedEx Cup, the Ryder Cup, live, live. He's going to have it all.
He's going to have all the titles. He's going to be incredible.
I cannot wait. We are going to be, and we were the first to get on him.

Speaker 1 We were.

Speaker 1 We saw Charlie Woods and we jumped right on him. Yeah, we were also the first to get on Baby Diggs, but yeah, that's a different story.

Speaker 1 Look, Baby Diggs is a gateway drug for then jumping on 13-year-olds. Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Congratulations to Charlie Woods, who's listening right now. Shout out, Charlie.
What's up, Charlie? Yo, Char, yo, see money. Hit us up.
You want to come on the show?

Speaker 1 You want to maybe play some video games? What's up, playa? Whatever you want to do. Want to watch baby digs highlights?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students.
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Speaker 2 Eligibility and member terms apply.

Speaker 1 This is one of our most prestigious awards. We've done this every year.
It is the John Madden Still Alive Person of the Year in memory of Tommy Lasorda, sponsored by Queen Elizabeth.

Speaker 1 Takey. Should we do a moment of silence? Moment of silence for Queen Elizabeth.
So, for everyone who knows, we have done this.

Speaker 1 I think we have successfully, hold on, Max. Hold on.
Don't pull it up.

Speaker 1 We have successfully, I think we had Tommy Lasorda one year. We had John Madden, and then we had Queen Elizabeth last year.

Speaker 1 I think we're like three for four or three for three in the last three years of the person dying who we have nominated for still alive person of the year.

Speaker 1 So the nominees this year

Speaker 1 are Lou Carniseca, the St. John's,

Speaker 1 famous St. John's head coach, 98 years old.
Was that the press conference or was that a press conference? Looking dapper, spry. Patinos intro.

Speaker 1 He looked great. He looked great.
Jay, can you do the math real quick and figure out how many patinos that John Carniseca has lived for? 98 years. Yeah.
98 years. John Carnise.
Divided.

Speaker 1 But how many patinos has that been? 13 seconds.

Speaker 1 13. Okay.
I'll get back. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Sister Jean. Still alive.
Very much still alive. Still alive.
Still kicking it. Witches don't die.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We have Damar Hamlin, who's still alive. So congratulations.
Still alive, Jamar. Prayers for Damar.
Prayers for Damar. Great story.
We have...

Speaker 1 Is he still alive or is he alive again? Alive again. A second time.
Alive again. We have Bill Russell, still alive.
Still alive. Congratulations.
Good job, Bill. Come on.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Did he die? Yeah.

Speaker 1 When?

Speaker 1 He died? Are you sure? This is a fucked-up joke. We actually were just putting this in to see if Hank was paying attention.

Speaker 1 Okay, you are paying attention. Congratulations, Hank.
John Rahm's dad, still alive. Very much still alive.
Still alive.

Speaker 1 Still alive. Yep, still alive.
Still alive. 100%.
And then finally, we have President Jimmy Carter.

Speaker 1 Still Still alive.

Speaker 1 Shrinking by the second, but still alive. He's been in hospice, I think, for eight months now.
Yeah. Which is, I think that's a new record, world record for that.
I think he's just chilling. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think he's just hanging out. He doesn't have to work anymore.
He doesn't have to get on roofs and nail down tiles. Probably loving.
This is his retirement. Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, Lou Carn's second, 98 years, 3,090,528,000 patinos. That's a lot of loads.
That's a lot of patinos. Okay.

Speaker 1 We have a special guest to give out this award.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 8 Hello, boys. It's your old friend, Queen Elizabeth.
I recorded this message the second I was nominated for still a live person of the year last year.

Speaker 8 Because let's be honest, your track record with killing people is quite impressive. If this message is playing the 2023 take his end, means I passed away.

Speaker 8 My dying wish is to make my son, Prince Harry, and his beautiful wife, Mayan Marko, the new king and queen of England. Please, if I ask you anything, make sure this is done for me.

Speaker 8 As for this year, the take here for still-alive person of the year is President Jimmy Carter. I look forward to seeing Jimmy at the Pearlie Gates shortly.
Love you, boys.

Speaker 8 Also, my number for this episode is 69.

Speaker 1 Oh, Queen. Monarch is big.
Shout out to Kirk. That was scary.

Speaker 1 That was crazy. Well, I mean, she taped it when we were nominated.
She was the AWL. We have to have her as recurring guests on the show.
She's very entertaining.

Speaker 1 So, congratulations to Jimmy Carter. Also, shout out Quiggs.

Speaker 1 She banged Jimmy Carter. Oh, man.
Probably, yeah. Still a life person of the year.
And she also did ask us, we need to make sure that Prince Harry and Megan Markle become king and queen.

Speaker 1 I'm right on it. Yeah.
Those were her dying wishes. So congratulations to Jimmy Carter.
Still alive. Very much.

Speaker 1 Most fucked up take it we do.

Speaker 1 The next

Speaker 1 category is for criminal of the year. Ooh.
Criminal of the year. We had a lot of lawbreakers this year.
A lot of lawbreakers.

Speaker 1 First nominee is Donald Trump. Trump arrested twice.
Yeah, Billy?

Speaker 1 Whatever. Whatever.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is Hunter Biden. Yes.
That dude does a lot of crack. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He does so much. I don't know how much a normal crack user uses crack, but he outcracks them all.
And bribery. And bribery.
And

Speaker 1 prostitutes. Only one guy gets gets charged for bullshit.

Speaker 1 Also, nominee, we have Stetson Bennett.

Speaker 1 He got arrested.

Speaker 1 Also, the Sod father for stealing the Super Bowl from Max's beloved Philadelphia Eagles. Oh, so this is a biased...
Max, you put this in? Still complaining about the Sod?

Speaker 1 You were complaining about the Sod. You were complaining about the Sodom.
You were complaining about the Sod. Sounds like you're still mad about the Sod.
You were complaining about the Sod. Okay.

Speaker 1 And the final nominee is Chief Saholic.

Speaker 1 Chief Zaholik getting arrested for robbing banks, making money on the the Chiefs winning the Super Bowl, and Patrick Mahomes, I believe, Super Bowl MVP, and then absconding, running out on bail, and he's still on the road somewhere.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
So Chief Zaholic

Speaker 1 hasn't been caught yet. And so the award for Criminal of the Year is brought to you by a special guest.
A special guest.

Speaker 1 Who could it be?

Speaker 1 Wow. No.

Speaker 1 That's an awesome t-shirt. I didn't know.

Speaker 1 Hi there. Billy here to announce the 2023 takeie for Criminal of the the Year.
After a lot of competition amongst all the nominees, I'd like to announce that Chiefsaholic has won Criminal of the Year.

Speaker 1 Currently, as I'm taping this video, he has not been caught and he made off with bank winnings that he stashed away, as well as Chiefs Futures and Patrick Mahomes MVP futures.

Speaker 1 Chief Zaholic is really the last outlaw of the West, roaming from Kansas City to Oklahoma, even to Arizona for the Super Bowl on leave.

Speaker 1 He did not report to court, and he's probably down in Mexico like many outlaws before him.

Speaker 1 You know, embodying the spirit of those like Josie Wales, Wild Bill Hickok, you know, and the wolf that he donned. The man ran across the plains in a way we haven't seen since the days of the West.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, Chiefs of Holics. Hope the Mexico is treating you well and keep donning the mask because one day

Speaker 1 we'll need you back.

Speaker 1 There we go. Good job.
That was a great job, Billy. The audio is much better on my phone.

Speaker 1 What are you you charging for camping?

Speaker 1 Like 10 grand. Okay, nice.

Speaker 1 The thought just occurred to me. What if Billy was Chiefsaholic this entire time?

Speaker 1 The perfect crime. And then he went to go investigate himself.
Oh, I can't find him anywhere. Isn't that wild? Yeah.
I've never seen you two in the same room together.

Speaker 1 Or have I? Huh. Hmm.
Hmm. Just asking questions.
Okay, moving along, we have

Speaker 1 choke of the year. Choke of the year.

Speaker 1 Great nominees this year. A lot of chokes.
We're going to start with Purdue, the Purdue Boilermakers, the number one seed. Big choke.
Choking as much as you could choke.

Speaker 1 Fairly Dickinson taking them down. Purdue just keeps getting worse and worse in March.
I think they're just getting more and more Purdue. Yeah, they are.
They're reaching their final Purdue.

Speaker 1 To make sure that we are very honest here, Brooks Kepka in the Masters did choke. Big time choke.
Was it choke? He had assistance from Hank. Yep.
He had assistance from Hank.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Hank, we have the Boston Bruins choking. Number one seed out.

Speaker 1 We also have the Milwaukee Bucks choking. Another one seed out.
So fairness all around. More of a failure on their part than a choke.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then we have Grant Williams, who had his famous, I'm going to make both. free throws and then missed them both against the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Speaker 1 And finally, the last nominee for choke of the year is Mark Zuckerberg in his jiu-jitsu class

Speaker 1 getting choked out, but maybe not.

Speaker 1 The winner of choke of the year, Mark Zuckerberg. Congratulations to Mark Zuckerberg.
Good job, Mark.

Speaker 1 He got choked out in a jiu-jitsu class and then went on full court press with his PR team, issuing a statement saying at no point during the competition was Mark knocked unconscious.

Speaker 1 That never happened.

Speaker 1 And he also had his coach come to his back saying that Zuckerberg's snores were really just effortful grunting.

Speaker 1 So he wasn't choked out, but he was. He got the choke of the year.
He was just trying very hard, trying too hard. This goes along the lines of laughing at a president when they fall down.

Speaker 1 If you have made it your life's mission to have robots take over our entire lives, I'm going to laugh at you when you get choked out in your make-believe jiu-jitsu tournament. Yes.

Speaker 1 And especially when you then release a statement saying at no point, at no point during the competition was Mark Zuckerberg choked out.

Speaker 1 I definitely would not have heard about this story story had his PR person not issued a public statement saying, hey, all those hilarious videos of Mike Lynn getting ruthlessly choked out,

Speaker 1 that's not real. Don't look them up.
Stop looking them up, please. I'm only raising awareness so that people do not retweet this.
Yes, as it pertains to the choking out, it never happened.

Speaker 1 It never happened. It never happened, but it is the choke of the year, whether it happened or not.
Well, he did get choked.

Speaker 1 We don't know if he got choked out, but he did get choked, and it was the most talked-about choke of the year. So congratulations to Mark Zuckerberg for getting choked out or effortly grunting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have the wife guy of the year.

Speaker 1 A lot of wife guys out there these days. Yes.
Wife Guy of the Year nominees include RG3. Just huge, huge wife guy.
Most of his posts are about his wife.

Speaker 1 He had the glamorous pregnancy shoot, maternity shoot that he put out. Also left the game.

Speaker 1 Those are always really weird where somebody puts out like a combination of a maternity shoot, but also a boudoir shoot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look how hot and fuckable my wife looks when she's been fucked. Yes.
She's pregnant. Ken Bone.
Yeah. He's crazy for those.
He loves that shit. Remember Ken Bone? Yeah.
Yeah. We should be

Speaker 1 takey presenter. Yeah.
Yes. We should do a remember that guy of the year.
Yeah. Just like guys that you fall by the wayside.
Yeah. Ken Bone.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is JJ Watt for retiring from football to spend more time with his wife. Yes.
Pretty gay, if you ask me. Yes.
Spending buying a soccer team with his wife. Yeah.
Oh.

Speaker 1 sus

Speaker 1 next nominee is Dan Orlofsky for only thinking about his wife all the time and never jacking off. Never, ever.

Speaker 1 And the winner of wife guy of the year is drum roll, please.

Speaker 1 JJ Watt. Oh, wife guy of the year.
Our good friend JJ Watt, congratulations, you do in fact have a wife. Yeah, way to love your wife, weirdo.
Yeah, she's Burnley. You kiss your wife with those lips?

Speaker 1 Disgusting.

Speaker 1 Imagine being in an equal partnership with a woman and having feelings for her. When does the Burnley season start? I think it.
September? Or no, August? Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's around football season, so I don't really pay attention. I'll jump on Burnley.
I'm excited.

Speaker 1 It is so fucking hot in here. But the Coors lights, the cold Coors lights.
Billy, can you go check the AC one more time? I can't, can't. Please, please, please.
I would kill for some AC, right?

Speaker 1 Make sure to take your beer with you. My glasses are getting fogged up.
Constant.

Speaker 1 It's a five-second walk, and Billy reached over to grab his beer before he left. He's going to pour it out in the trash.
He's going to be like, Look how many I drank, bros.

Speaker 1 We know that move. Oh, I'm just going to the bathroom with my beer.
No big deal. Did you guys finish yet? I finished.
What do you got, Billy? Nothing, dude. It worked before.

Speaker 1 Can we leave the door open? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is it bad for sound?

Speaker 1 It feels great for me.

Speaker 1 I was. I'm.
Dude, I keep. I am like.

Speaker 1 put on your put on your mic. I'm uh I my glasses just keep getting fogged up.
It's it's insane. This is it's the hottest it's ever been in.
Welcome to my world, big cat. Yeah, we're just fighting.

Speaker 1 We're just uh basically getting the reps in for Vegas for the 10th year anniversary.

Speaker 1 Why Vegas? So that we can gamble. Maybe we go to Atlantic City, go to Detroit, let's do it on a Joliet, a riverboat,

Speaker 1 done. Oh, Louisiana.
Do we have one?

Speaker 1 We do in

Speaker 1 East Chicago, Indiana. So yeah, we could do that.

Speaker 1 We're going to do it. We're going to do it.
Is it East Chicago or Indiana? I always forget. Yeah, you got screwed up by that.
East Chicago is in Indiana. Eastiana, yeah.
Yeah. Fuck that.

Speaker 1 College Chicago. I'm not moving anymore.
East Chicago. But it's in Indiana.

Speaker 1 Okay. Next up.
Oh, let's take a break for a quick ad.

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Speaker 1 Okay, next up, we have Coach in Waiting of the Year. A lot of coaches that are waiting for their big shot.

Speaker 1 The first nominee, we have Eric Bienemi. who is now offensive coordinator for the Washington Commanders.
He's the system. He's a system quarterback.
I got the system now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so he is a coach in waiting. He's been in waiting for a while.
We have John Shire, who is still not coaching Duke. We know Coach K is pulling the strings behind him.
He's lurking. Yes.

Speaker 1 He's hovering. Yes.
We have Jay Williams, who is hoping to get the coaching job at Georgetown. He would entertain it if he was asked.
He would entertain it.

Speaker 1 And then we have Jay Wright, our good friend Jay Wright, who is coach in waiting for the Sixers and Knicks simultaneously. Trumro.

Speaker 1 Okay, the winner of Coach in Waiting of the Year

Speaker 1 goes to Jay Williams. Congratulations.
Jay Williams. Jay Williams for tweeting.
January 11th, 2023.

Speaker 1 No one had asked him. No one had talked about it.
He said, so people keep asking me, so I will answer. Georgetown basketball has always been a dream job.

Speaker 1 It has. It has.
And

Speaker 1 so I said it January 11th, 2023. When When do you think Patrick Ewing was fired?

Speaker 1 January,

Speaker 1 no, March 2nd. March 9th, 2023.
So Patrick Ewing was still the coach at Georgetown when Jay Williams said, so people keep asking me, so I will answer.

Speaker 1 Georgetown basketball has always been a dream job. The weird thing is, Jay Williams might not have been a worse coach than Patrick Ewing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I think what Jay Williams was thinking was like, hey, this is my shot, be the first African-American coach at Georgetown. Yep.
So it would have been huge. It would have been massive.

Speaker 1 Would have been massive.

Speaker 1 Okay, so congrats to Jay Williams. Keep trying.
One of the weirdest tweets. I hope he gets hired.
One of the weirdest. He doesn't coach.
No one had talked about him.

Speaker 1 The guy still had a job, and he was like, hey, people keep asking me. I think it was his hacker.
It was the same hacker that broke you to account from earlier. Yes, yeah.
Yes. That happens with him.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Next category is the worst person to fly with award.

Speaker 1 Worst person to fly with. Got a lot of strong nominees.

Speaker 1 First up is Odell Beckham for not getting up out of his seat, making the entire plane de-plane while he was flying, not private, but he was flying on a commercial flight East Coast to West Coast.

Speaker 1 And yeah, everybody, I don't know why everyone had to get off the plane for him, but he certainly made them do it. I don't understand that.
Odell Beckham nominated.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is Anthony Bass's wife for spilling popcorn all over the plane and then making a flight attendant clean it up and then tweeting about how inconvenient or by texting Anthony Bass, who then tweeted out how inconvenienced his wife was because she was four months pregnant she was four months pregnant she had a five-year-old and a five-year-old

Speaker 1 and her five-year-old just spilled popcorn everywhere couldn't clean it up couldn't clean it up next nominee is that guy that opened the emergency exit on the south korean flight to the united states yep opened it up before it landed and then just everybody had to sit on the plane in a vacuum tunnel essentially uh wild move

Speaker 1 okay i just want to say all thought about it yeah oh yeah when you see it it's like seeing a cop's gun yeah you're like same thing What if? What if I pull it?

Speaker 1 That handle is right there for a fire alarm. If it was really that important, they wouldn't make it so easy for me to pull it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll just say it, though. If I was on that plane, that kind of would have rocked.
They got really hurt, didn't they? I don't think anybody got hurt.

Speaker 1 Just the guy right next to the window gets fucked up. Yeah.
So did he get hurt? I think, well, he had his seatbelt on, so he was fine. He was buckle then, so he was okay.

Speaker 1 I would not have had my seatbelt on.

Speaker 1 That would have been so cool. You would have been fine.
Yeah, I would have been fine. You would have been sucking.
You probably wouldn't have fit out the door, right, Hank?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would have been fit. fit.
You would have been stuck in your seat.

Speaker 1 And then the next nominee for Worst Person to Fly With is Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah.
Jeffrey Epstein,

Speaker 1 don't want to be caught flying with that guy.

Speaker 1 I feel like we're finding out new people who flew with him every day. We certainly are.
The Island Boys, everyone. Everyone's flown with that guy.
Yes.

Speaker 1 We took off the last nominee I noticed in this category.

Speaker 1 Mohamed Atta. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And the winner of Worst Worst Person to Fly With award goes to drumroll

Speaker 1 Anthony Bass's wife. Yeah.
Congrats, Mrs. Bass.

Speaker 1 What an all-time,

Speaker 1 what an all-time backfire of a tweet. That was bad.
And then I think they got the flight attendant fired

Speaker 1 for making her clean it up. Just a ridiculous, ridiculous thing like, hey, here, internet.

Speaker 1 My wife, who's, again, not that pregnant and a five-year-old couldn't clean up popcorn. And this is an injustice.
It was

Speaker 1 also probably the ratio of the year on that tweet. Yeah, that was a huge ratio.
Yeah, yeah. I thought I was going to get nominated

Speaker 1 the other day. I fell asleep on the plane, and I was, I think I was leaning over, and I think a couple of times I woke up because I was like kind of leaning on the guy next to me.

Speaker 1 And when we landed, I was like, hey, man, sorry. If I was leaning, he just didn't acknowledge me.
Yeah, you got a boner. Yeah.
You were probably yawning in his face like a psycho.

Speaker 1 I know, but yeah, it was tough. I tried I tried to make good when we landed.
He just

Speaker 1 truly didn't know. It was like, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Hank, you remember when you threw up go-gurt all over yourself on a plane? Yeah. Yeah.
That was bad. That was really bad.
Wait, how old were you?

Speaker 1 Like last year? No, fucking way. Yeah.
When I was a kid, I had some

Speaker 1 incidents on planes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Me and Dad were driving to vacations for a couple years.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 We were taking off. And then Hank starts.
I can't tell ever with him if it's a yawn or if he's actually choking on something or dying or coughing. And it looked like he was yawn coughing.

Speaker 1 And then Gogert spews out of his mouth like a reverse Tiana Trump.

Speaker 1 And then he sticks his hand out to try to catch it. And it just flies all over the place.
And I'm looking at him like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Oh, Jesus Christ. He's a nervous flyer.
Jesus.

Speaker 1 There's people, I was thinking about this after because I do feel bad.

Speaker 1 I understand that I'm probably a bad person to fly with. And I just, I kind of black out when I fall asleep.
But there's definitely

Speaker 1 most people do, hey, there's like a support group out there that probably exists that they don't know about.

Speaker 1 That there's probably at least a handful of people that have gotten off a flight with me and been like, I was on the fucking, I was sitting next to the worst person in the world.

Speaker 1 I fall asleep and I'm a Twitcher.

Speaker 1 Sleep talk, drool, lean, boners, jackets, boners, all of it. All of it.
I twitch. No words is safe.
All right. Congratulations to.
it. Just leaks.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Game of the Year. Game of the Year.
We had a lot of great games this year, a lot of great nominees. So

Speaker 1 I'll rip through them. We had two Vikings games, Vikings Bills, which was an incredible, incredible game.
Remember that fourth down catch or pass to Justin Jefferson?

Speaker 1 And then obviously the fumble at the goal line. And I think the Bills at one point had 12 guys on the field.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. We get caught.
We had Vikings Colts, the incredible, incredible comeback.

Speaker 1 They ended up winning that game 39, 36. Were they down 33 or something? Yeah, was that on Christmas? It was three to nothing.
No, it was a random Saturday game.

Speaker 1 It was like the week before Christmas because I remember being like, holy shit, it was doing

Speaker 1 something.

Speaker 1 Mariners, Astros, 18-inning game. What a game that was.
That was an awesome game.

Speaker 1 We had Nuggets Lakers game one of the Western Conference Finals.

Speaker 1 We had Commanders 12, Bears 7.

Speaker 1 Who could forget? Who could forget Tattoo Bet this year? Thursday Night Game. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We had Broncos 12, Colts 9, the famous overtime game that was one of the worst games of the year, but became one of the best games of the year, one of the most memorables.

Speaker 1 And then finally, we had Georgia 42, Ohio State 41, a truly incredible game that we got to witness on New Year's Eve.

Speaker 1 Drumroll,

Speaker 1 drum roll, drum roll, game of the year. It goes to

Speaker 1 Nuggets Lakers Western Conference Final, game one.

Speaker 1 And we have a quote. We have a quote from someone, a reporter on the scene

Speaker 1 who said, people will dismiss it because it's not an NBA Finals game, so the stakes weren't as high. But what you just watched was one of the greatest games ever played.

Speaker 1 I'll never forget it because that series went on to being just an amazing series, right? It was like seven games, probably

Speaker 1 back and forth, road teams getting wins left and right. Yes, it was excellent.
Let me read it again just so everyone can let it sit in. This is from a reporter.
Let's call him Dee Revelle.

Speaker 1 People will dismiss it because it's not an NBA Finals game, so the stakes weren't as high, but what you just watched was one of the greatest games ever played.

Speaker 1 Ever played. Ever played.
And I can't stop thinking about Western Conference Final, Game One, Lakers, Nuggets, than in a Nuggets sweep. Of any sport.
Any sport

Speaker 1 ever played. F.
Miracle on Ice.

Speaker 1 Joe Carter Walkoff. Don't remember it.
Yeah. You know, The Rumble in the Jungle.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Lakers Nuggets, Game One, Western Conference Finals was one of the greatest games ever played. If you're a real hoop boy, you know that.
132, 126, high scoring. Oh, man, was it incredible?

Speaker 1 So there's, yeah, a buzzer beater and everything.

Speaker 1 What a great game. Who could forget?

Speaker 1 Next category is

Speaker 1 we have

Speaker 1 trade of the year. Trade of the year.
The trade of the year. A lot of big trades in sports, a lot of big trades everywhere.
A lot of people got fleeced this year. It was the year of the fleece.

Speaker 1 The first nominee is

Speaker 1 Russell Westbrook for getting traded from the Lakers. He got traded to Utah, and the Lakers then got D'Angelo Russell.

Speaker 1 It was a three-team, eight-player deal and the Lakers just turned the season around because they just got rid of Russell Westbrook. So shout out to the Lakers and Rob Lowe for executing that trade.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Trading wildfires to Canada for continued Stanley Cup success on our part. So I think that's a fair trade.

Speaker 1 They're never going to win a Stanley Cup unless we get Alberta as our 51st state, which they're talking about. We won it.

Speaker 1 Next nominee for trade of the year was Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 1 Aaron Rodgers finally got off his ass, got traded to the Jets, and and brought along basically every teammate that he had that he liked, which actually, now that I think of it, it's probably only like two or three

Speaker 1 that got traded to the Jets or signed by the Jets with him. And then the final nominee is Brittany Griner getting traded for The Merchant of Death.
Ooh, that sounds like a badass dude.

Speaker 1 Famous Prisoner Swap. Yeah, Famous Prisoner Swap.
Wait, are you talking about The Merchant of Death? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So...

Speaker 1 Let's get to the presenter for this award.

Speaker 1 We have a very special presenter. Hi.
I am Marshley Poski, a voice actor in Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2.

Speaker 1 I'm here to announce the taking for the trade of the year.

Speaker 1 Congrats to our winner, the Merchant of Death and Brittany Grinner. The United States absolutely fleeced putting in this deal.

Speaker 1 Great job, USA. Merchant of Death is washed up.

Speaker 1 There we go. Doesn't have the clutch gene.
What has Russia ever won?

Speaker 1 We got fucking hosed. Yeah.
We got hosed.

Speaker 1 I'm going to wait until their career is done. We can see who's got more ranks.
Yes, that's true. That's true.
That was the trade of the year. It was incredible.

Speaker 1 We should have talked about trade of the year. We didn't say, Billy.
No, come on. Here comes a take.
Come on, Billy. Let it fly.
It's the Takies. Come on.

Speaker 1 Merchant of Death got Bakhmut.

Speaker 1 What is that? Exactly.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I probably won't. Are you speaking code right now? Nope.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, next up, we have the Darkness Retreat of the Year. Darkness Retreat of the Year.
There were some great darkness retreats this year. First nominee is Chrissy Teigen quitting Twitter yet again.

Speaker 1 I think that's the 15th time she's quitted. There's a multiple award nominee for this category.
Yeah. Every time she's baby diggs?

Speaker 1 Did he quit? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I see where you're going. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Baby Diggs is hot in the streets.

Speaker 1 Okay. Next up,

Speaker 1 Jamar Hamlin had a quick darkness retreat, came back, incredible story, story of the year. Yeah, that was the ultimate.
Him and Jesus. Yes.
Best darkness retreats maybe ever. Yes.

Speaker 1 Then we have Aaron Rodgers, who had the most famous darkness retreat for, what, a day and a half?

Speaker 1 Found himself, decided he wanted to be a New York jet. Also, in his darkness retreat, there would be people that would show up, open the door, hand him meals, talk to him, tell him riddles.

Speaker 1 The real darkness retreat, you know. Yeah.
Yeah. And then finally, Chrissy Teigen quitting Twitter yet again.
Again, again. Yeah, again, again.
This is final the last time, guys.

Speaker 1 She doesn't need this anymore. She swears she's done.
She's got nine burners. Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 1 The winner, we got a special guest presenter.

Speaker 9 Hello, darkness, my old friend.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's right. Hi, I'm Frank the Tank.

Speaker 9 I'm here to announce the Take E for Darkness Retreat of the Year.

Speaker 9 And the winner is Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 1 Way to go, Aaron.

Speaker 9 Congratulations. Looking forward to having you back on the Packers this year.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Okay, congratulations, Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 1 He's making Zach Wilson's life heaven right now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That sounds like he's killing him. Yes, yes.
So, yeah, Aaron Rodgers, Darkness Retreat of the Year. Good job.
I don't know if that will be a category next year. Probably not.

Speaker 1 Maybe he will and then decide he wants to go to the Vikings. Well, yeah, he's definitely.
And then he's going to go on another one, and then he's going to move to Mississippi and still welfare money.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Our next category is Taylor of the Year.

Speaker 1 A lot of big Taylors out there. First nominee is Taylor Taylor Luan.
Taylor had a great year in being Taylor this year. He got injured.

Speaker 1 As he does. He was portrayed by Amazon on a Thursday night game as being in a wheelchair.
They did the boy dirty. I'll say it.
It was a tough luck.

Speaker 1 Tough luck for the boys out there, for the tier ones. Next nominee is Taylor Swift.

Speaker 1 Taylor Swift is nominated for making like a billion dollars on her tour and then getting forced into breaking up with her boyfriend by the Swift Union.

Speaker 1 So Taylor, shout out to Taylor.

Speaker 1 I respect you as an artist, Taylor, but you've done a great job in tricking people into thinking you're the most persecuted person on earth who is also making a billion dollars.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is Taylor Heineke. Taylor Heineke nominated for Taylor of the Year.
Just the Jordans, everything, just outstanding work in the field of Taylor Heinekeness.

Speaker 1 The next nominee is the Sean Taylor statue at FedEx Field, which underwent, I think, three or four iterations. He was wearing different style pants and gloves and socks and helmets.

Speaker 1 There was actually no statue there. It was the first statue to never have a face, a body, legs, arms, fingers, hands, anything.
It was just a uniform.

Speaker 1 It was like a merch, a stand-up merch shop for Taylor, for Sean Taylor. Yes.
And the winner of Taylor of the Year goes to drumroll. All right.

Speaker 1 The Sean Taylor statue. All right.
Great job. Great job to the Washington Commanders for screwing up Sean Taylor Day for the second consecutive year.
Unbelievable. That video is still shocking.

Speaker 1 Even if you know what's coming, you watch it again. You're like, what the fuck were they thinking? It's shocking even for the commanders.
Yes. Yes.
Which is saying something.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 We got a few more rounding up. We're going to get to Blake of the Year in a little bit here.

Speaker 1 We have no hitter of the year. No hitter of the year.

Speaker 1 A lot of no-hitters this this year. We have some great nominees.
First up, Kanye West. No hits this year.
None. Zero hits.
No bangers. Zero hits.

Speaker 1 His appearance of the Alex Jones show was pretty fire, though. That's true.
That was true. Also, the Chris Paul tweet.
Yeah, that's also true. That was bad.
Okay, fuck that. He might.

Speaker 1 Well, we'll see if he wins. But yeah, that was a hit.
We have Reed Detmer's, Anaheim Angels on June 10th, 2022. No hitter.

Speaker 1 Yep, that was a great no-hitter. Who could forget? One of the best games I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 And then finally, we have the Houston Astros no-hitting the Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series.

Speaker 1 Pretty crazy. Game four of the World Series.
Was that a no-hitter? It was a no-hitter. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah. Crazy.
Reed Dettmer's just pitching this game. That's on in the studio right now for the Angels.
That's wild. Throw it in for next year's Wild of the Year.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Drum roll.

Speaker 1 And the winner is Max, would you like to announce it?

Speaker 1 Kanye. No, it was not Kanye.
It was the Houston Astros no-hitter of the Philadelphia Phillies in game four of the World Series. In the World Series.
I mean, that's incredible. That happens so rarely.

Speaker 1 Yes. In the biggest stage in all of sports.
Max, would you like to accept this award?

Speaker 1 No, I would not because it's not a true award. It's a fake award.
What? And it's a fake no-hitter because it's not a real no-hitter because it was combined no-hitters. I do not respect it.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, Max, it was a combined what?

Speaker 1 Would you just say it was a combined what? It was a combined zero-hitter. No, that's not what you just said.
Oh, you slipped up. I'll edit this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, unfortunately, he does have the control to edit everything. But yeah, one of the most memorable no-hitters in this show's history.
Wrong.

Speaker 1 No one cares about that no-hitter.

Speaker 1 This room

Speaker 1 is the only room. Raise your hand if you care about that no-hitter.
In America.

Speaker 1 Raise your hand if you care about that no hitter. Factor fiction.
Philly will mention it to you at the bars. All right.
Five.

Speaker 1 Five people in this room. Five to one.
It's a combined. It's a combined.
Yes, it's a no-hitter against you. No hitter.

Speaker 1 Congratulations to Max and the Philadelphia Phillies for getting no hit in the World Series. I think it's no hitter.
You always have that after game one.

Speaker 1 That's true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was better than a World Series. Yeah.
I mean, we want a 2-1. I mean, whatever.
Are we talking about the Sixers now?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Next category is tie of the year.

Speaker 1 The tie of the year. First up, we have Jim Nance's tie.

Speaker 1 Gave it away for the last time. And all the people that say that he stopped giving away the tie, that's not true.
He just stopped making a big deal out of giving away the tie. Correct.

Speaker 1 You can't just quit giving away a tie two years before you walk away from it all.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is Commanders Giants tie in the NFL this year. And we also have the Colts and Texans nominated for.
tie of the year. That tie actually went on to be very impactful.
Huge.

Speaker 1 Huge tie, massive tie. Huge.
And then we have USA England tying in the World Cup. Huge.
Which we won. Yes.
And the winner of tie of the year goes to

Speaker 1 the United States of America. Yes.
Congrats on USA. USA.

Speaker 1 USA. USA.
We tied the fuck out of England. Hank, you don't like USA?

Speaker 1 Soccer. Who cares?

Speaker 1 You don't appreciate the beautiful game like we do, Hank. No.

Speaker 1 You were there. I was there.

Speaker 1 I went halfway across the world to bring home a tie, and I fucking did it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's how you spin zone.

Speaker 1 That's how you spin zone.

Speaker 1 We're literally just asking about Burnley like 20 minutes ago. That's true.
Yeah. Well, that's out of commitment to my new friend JJ.
Yeah, best friend JJ.

Speaker 1 But I'll tell you one thing. Burnley's going to test that friendship.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're going to bet on him? I'm going to bet on him. But again, it's happened during COVID.
No sports on. There was soccer.
Bet on it. Still thought it was boring.

Speaker 1 So, and I've committed. I've committed to being a Burnley fan, granted that he sent some merch.

Speaker 1 That's the one condition, but

Speaker 1 I'm going to try. I'm going to give him my best bet.
Okay, we got a few more, and then we're going to get to

Speaker 1 five more, and then we're going to get to the Blake of the Year, and then see who gets podcast listener of the year.

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Speaker 1 Next up, a very big award. It's Loser of the year.

Speaker 1 Okay, so this is a new award, and I thought with a new award, let's keep it in-house. So we have the nominees,

Speaker 1 Jake Marsh, for losing the Panthers and the Heat in the finals.

Speaker 1 Also, losing the illusion that he actually hit a hole in one when everyone knows.

Speaker 1 He got a hole in one that washes away all the time.

Speaker 1 And losing his pants during every PLL broadcast. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 I am nominated because I lost my Eagles' future. I was 0 for 2 in Game of the Years.

Speaker 1 And also, two of my favorite teams were the worst teams and got the number one pick. That's a pretty big year in losing.
Big time losing. A pretty big year in losing out of you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you're going to lose this one, Big Cat, the winner better be a massive loser. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 We have next up, PFT,

Speaker 1 the doink bet. That was a big, big loser.
The doink bet. Big loser.
Especially that that Hank celebrated his win right in my face. Yeah.
Because he took the other side because he hates me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he just likes just going. He just likes going against me.

Speaker 1 I tried to talk. We talked about it.
Whatever. I gave you that bet.

Speaker 1 I told you I was. You didn't know that the no-doinks bet was even a possibility until I told you I was taking doinks.
And then you're like, oh, PFT, I'm going to fade you right in your face.

Speaker 1 I was just like, whatever. The Sod Father.
I'm happy I lost. I'm happy.
The holds. Yes.
The hold was fucked up because of the SOD Father. It was.
That motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Hank, he is up for loser of the year.

Speaker 1 The Celtics lost

Speaker 1 to the Heat an eight seed. The Bruins lost the one seed.
The Patriots had a very bad year. And if you sum it all up, he hasn't won a title since 2019.
Damn, Hank. Big time loser energy.

Speaker 1 That's not a Hank. That's a long, long time ago.
Big time loser energy. One watering ball, though.
Okay.

Speaker 1 We'll cut that.

Speaker 1 Next up, we got Billy. Billy lost to hot sauce.
Yeah. He lost to his anger.
He lost,

Speaker 1 well, he actually won Softest Hands in the Studio.

Speaker 1 Joe Biden's still president. Joe Biden's still president.
And Billy also had his famous quote when the Jets were 5-2 saying, I feel bad for you guys.

Speaker 1 And then where did the Jets end up? Not in the playoffs with the rest of us.

Speaker 1 Was Jack Nicklaus in the last year? Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 That's a loser moment of him. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, last, but certainly not least, we have Max. Self-explanatory, just zoom in on Max's face.
Go ahead, turn your camera on, titer, turn your camera on.

Speaker 1 The camera is on. Okay, zoom in.

Speaker 1 I can't zoom in. Move your face closer to the camera slowly.
I'm not moving my face closer. Okay, and so we have a special presenter for this.

Speaker 1 And I want to say this: when I reached out to this person to present the award, I did not know what teams this person rooted for. And then when I saw the video, I gasped.
Go ahead, Max.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, this is great.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Jim DiBatista, winner of the 2020 biggest loser. As a guy who's lost a lot,

Speaker 1 I know a loser when I see one.

Speaker 1 So, without further ado, I'm happy to announce the winner of the 2023 takeie for biggest loser of the year.

Speaker 1 And the winner is Envelope. Look at this.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. Congratulations.
Max Delente.

Speaker 1 Congrats, Max. Great job.
You're such an incredible loser. You've now won and losed it,

Speaker 1 which makes you an even bigger loser. Congrats, Max.

Speaker 1 I picked, I just searched biggest loser. So that guy, I think, lost like...

Speaker 1 200 pounds a few years ago and then when i when he said his his video back and he's a phillies fan that's incredible just serendipitous so max to sum up you also lost let's not forget the bowling yeah you lost you lost on a hail mary yeah which got big cath and everyone pick which then davis mills yeah so

Speaker 1 actually second place you lost in in fortnite too you got second place in fortnite the first time that you played i mean who cares about that so you lost uh the philadelphia phillies in the world series after said

Speaker 1 and getting no hit calling them city of champions city of champions title town, he said. We're basically title town.
People were saying that about the heat and

Speaker 1 Miami. I don't think one person said that.
Well, not in this room, but out there.

Speaker 1 Basically, title town. You lost the Philadelphia Union.
You're a huge MLS guy. You've had season tickets since the inception of the team, right? With the lead in the 96th minute.
Wait, that's true.

Speaker 1 They had a lead. How many minutes are there in a soccer game? At least 95.

Speaker 1 I think they're 90 minutes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's impossible. You lost the Eagles Super Bowl with a 10-point lead and a half? It was a big lead.
And you lost $6,000. Oh, yeah.
You did lose $6,000. Oh, yeah.
And then

Speaker 1 he also lost his iPhone before the game. He lost his iPhone.
Some of that.

Speaker 1 I did put...

Speaker 1 He paid me back the $6,000 and I said I'd put it on a future for him.

Speaker 1 He did that with the UCLA Bruins.

Speaker 1 I also did that with Max Homa. Yeah, he did it with Max Homa.
He did it with the Masters. He did it with the UCLA Bruins.
He also bet against UConn in every tournament game.

Speaker 1 What PFT, who, how did they do it in the tournament? I think they smoked everyone. Oh, yeah, that's right.
They covered every spread and won it all.

Speaker 1 And then you lost to the Celtics, which probably hurt the most out of all of these losses. And you had to shave your face.
What, the no-hitter hurt? Yeah, I was going to say, let's actually look.

Speaker 1 I'm curious which loss hurt the most. It's the Super Bowl will always hurt the most.
Okay, then what? two? Can we just put in the video of

Speaker 1 you at the Super Bowl being like, Jalen hurt, I'll suck his dick right now. Put in the whole clip because it's maybe the funniest clip when he's like, I have a fucking headache.

Speaker 1 I was so hungover.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the sun was ridiculous. The sun was insane.

Speaker 1 I have a fucking headache. That's my guy.
That's my fucking guy. I'll suck his dick right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, and Hank's stupid fucking face walking back into that room. Walking back into that room.
I'll never forget that feeling and just looking, just looking at Hank. You also got kissed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you got kissed. Yep.
You got kissed on a video you didn't have to put out.

Speaker 1 Good, good video. And got factor fiction, good video.
You lost that game. Full rage video.
You lost that game too because you're rooting so hard for the heat. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, that ended up fine. You had some positives, though.
You like fucking dogs.

Speaker 1 You did say that. You don't hate.
You said fucking dogs. I said, no, I don't hate comma fucking dogs.

Speaker 1 Common is not in the race.

Speaker 1 Okay, so rank the losses.

Speaker 1 Eagles, like, for sure, by far and away, number one.

Speaker 1 The soul patch.

Speaker 1 Honestly, the soul patch hurt more than the Sixers losing because

Speaker 1 those pictures will last forever.

Speaker 1 They get put on graphics months. What pictures? Months later.
Dave Pornoy put out a picture you had. I mean, that was the biggest ricochet out-of-nowhere shot of all time.

Speaker 1 What pictures are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Oh, the pictures, the professional photography that you decided to do the day after by happenstance, we had a professional merch shoot the day after I had to look like the ugliest man in America.

Speaker 1 Okay, keep going. No, that one hurt.
The hot dogs really, I didn't think it was going to hurt as bad as it did, but doing the hot dog bet was really tough.

Speaker 1 I really didn't enjoy that. And that one was almost worse because I didn't actually lose.
I came in second.

Speaker 1 What would you call that?

Speaker 1 I guess that goes along with the rest of the theme here.

Speaker 1 You're such a loser. You're such a loser.
You are a loser.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no. Come join us.

Speaker 1 I'm happy I came onto this show at the time of the year of my biggest downfall of all time. We timed it perfectly.
It really is remarkable when you think about it.

Speaker 1 Like everything

Speaker 1 got so close for you. If you just won one of those, you wouldn't be a loser.
But I will win one and it'll be that much sweeter.

Speaker 1 Will you?

Speaker 1 I will win one sport.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Union? The union?

Speaker 1 No, who knows? That'd be awesome.

Speaker 1 And it'll be so much sweeter than if I were to just come on and just start winning right away because I'm going to be building myself up to that.

Speaker 1 It's going to be a real redemption hero story for the ages.

Speaker 1 I'm sure. People are going to be writing novels about me.

Speaker 1 I want to read those books. Yeah, I cannot wait to read those.
How I stopped losing. Starts.
The Max delivery. Intro Max puking in the Uber.

Speaker 1 That was one thing about me,

Speaker 1 I could beat the fuck out of Hank.

Speaker 1 Well, one thing about you, Max, you are a loser. So you're loser of the year.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which one, which, just as a side,

Speaker 1 and this is like post-production stuff but which graphic should we use of max the loser of the year should we do the eagles one post super bowl or soul patch yeah in the chair where chair is iconic maybe have the soul patch maybe have a soul patch uh i think a stamp on loser of the year maybe the soul patch would be the o on loser of the year

Speaker 1 i there shouldn't be that many pictures of me already i've been i haven't been on the show you last year not even a full year i like people work their careers for those pictures Yeah, you got you compiled them fast.

Speaker 1 Ron fingered your butthole. Oh, yeah.
He did finger your butthole. That was a good moment.
And in the circle of the R, it should be him getting kissed. That picture, too.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Man, what a great year for us. Yeah.
God. Getting to laugh at Max.
Yeah, it's been so much fun.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Next category. This is a vaunted category here in the Takey Awards.
We've done it every single year.

Speaker 1 It's the lib of the year. The lib of the year nominees are.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Billy's getting smacked.
Billy, look at the ground. I know.
It's not. Your cooler didn't work.
The cooler didn't work. Yeah, why don't you take that out?

Speaker 1 Billy, before you take it out, let me just sauce me one of those cold cruisers. I think we're out.
Billy's got the last one. I'll take that one.

Speaker 1 Here, we got more in here, Billy. Take them in here.

Speaker 1 Beta.

Speaker 1 All right, the nominees for lib of the year are Billy, actually. Billy, congratulations, Billy, for being nominated again for Lib of the Year for wearing a mask last week.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And also not eating red meat anymore. So thank you, Billy, for all that you've done for the environment and stopping the spread

Speaker 1 of conservatives. Billy.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is Aaron Rodgers. Aaron Rodgers nominated for Lib of the Year for moving to Brooklyn.
Yes. Self-explanatory.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is Jake. Jake Marsh is nominated for Lib of the Year for tweeting out Barack Autology with Obama and getting political.

Speaker 1 You got so political with it, Jake. It's a great segment.
It's disgusting. It's disgusting what you've done to this show.
He did even it out, though, by making a shirt GOPs.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 1 that's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's playing both sides. Republicans root for the Panthers, too.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is Dan Snyder for letting his wife run the team for a while. Big, big beta girl boss move.
Energy from him.

Speaker 1 Next nominee is JJ Watt for Lib of the Year for literally having a bleeding heart. Yes, that's true.
He did. Yep, he did.

Speaker 1 And then the final nominee is Donald Trump for calling to defund the police after he got arrested.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 really some great nominees for Lib of the Year this year. And the winner of Lib of the Year goes to none other

Speaker 1 drumroll, please,

Speaker 1 than the PC principal himself, Billy Football. Yeah!

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 Life imitates art. Is this three years running? I I think Chris Long is one of a bunch.
Chris Long Dynasty. You and Chris Long.
Klay Travis.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Klay Travis.

Speaker 1 Well, the Forest Fires did require a little bit of a mask, and I do still eat red meat. It just makes you break out in hives, but it's worth it.

Speaker 1 I haven't seen you eating red meat that much recently. I had a burger, Smash Burger, for lunch with a Hogan-Dosh shake.
It was awesome. The Impossible one? Yeah.
No, he can't.

Speaker 1 I don't think they have an Impossible.

Speaker 1 Billy loves ice cream. Yeah, I do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'll give you tips.
That lib ice cream, like Jenny's. No, dude, I just came in.

Speaker 1 What's the most amount of ice cream you've had in one city? Jenny's is a lib.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jenny's also been in Jerry's. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I had it for the first time when I was in Chicago. What? Jenny's.
Yeah. Chicago.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
It was good. It is good.
Yeah. Ice cream's great.
I'm the biggest ice cream guy there is. I should become like a

Speaker 1 hot take, ice cream's good. I should become like a my pillow ice cream guy.
This is a hell of a tangent we're going on. Yeah, yeah, but think about it.
Like,

Speaker 1 there's no

Speaker 1 play it off music. Can we get the play it off music?

Speaker 1 Republican ice cream. That would be hilarious.
Yeah. I think Nancy Pelosi has like an entire refrigerator that's just filled with Ginny's ice cream, just like you, Billy.

Speaker 1 Just like you. Yeah.
And the winner was Billy Football. Again, so Billy, you are

Speaker 1 again lib of the year. Yeah, lib of the year.
Sweet. Good job, Billy.
Okay, rounding his shape here. We got a couple left.

Speaker 1 We're going to go with worst take of the year. Worst take of the year.

Speaker 1 Great year for bad, bad takes.

Speaker 1 So let's pull up all the bad takes. You guys have any that you have yourself? I had heat culture dying.
So that one was bad. I have one for myself.

Speaker 1 For the second straight year, I picked the NCA champion getting eliminated in day one. Oh, Arizona.
Arizona this year, and last year.

Speaker 1 Who did I have last year? Who did you have last year? You did lose it, though. Yeah, it was a two-season.
You were really bad at that yeah your college basketball very bad

Speaker 1 anyone else have bad takes i didn't have any bad takes this year you had only clean takes only perfect takes i said peter uline uh didn't matter he was the worst ace he was kentucky against st.

Speaker 1 Peter's but he was in fact the best ace yes uh okay I have it all right so the nominees we have some really good ones uh this one first up is Chris Brassard

Speaker 1 saying it's on the table that the Chiefs missed the playoffs next year.

Speaker 1 Yep. Did they miss the playoffs? I don't think they did.
I think they beat Max in the Super Bowl. Oh, yeah, they won the Super Bowl.
They won the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 We also have Justin Barney, who October 30th, 2022, said with the first pick in the 2023 NFL draft, the Jacksonville Jaguars select. Dot, dot, dot.

Speaker 1 The Jacks went to the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They basically won every game since that tweet.
Bad take. Bad take.

Speaker 1 We've all been there. Yes.
I mean, just off the top of my head, I should say I did pick the Chargers to win the Super Bowl. Yes, that's true.
That's true. That's a true take.
By the way, all these

Speaker 1 worst takes. Our good friend Fred Siegel helped us out with these.

Speaker 1 You should go buy his book, Freezing Cold Takes, NFL Football Media's Most Inaccurate Predictions and the Fascinating Stories Behind Them. He's fantastic.

Speaker 1 If you don't follow him on Twitter, you should.

Speaker 1 Holds us accountable.

Speaker 1 Holds us accountable. Although I think we're probably his most difficult accounts to deal with because of the amount of jinxing, trolling.

Speaker 1 Didn't really mean that.

Speaker 1 So he gets tagged a lot, but he does great work. So check out Fred Siegel, check out his book.
You can buy it on Amazon. All right.
Next up, we have

Speaker 1 Greg Gabriel, who covers the Bears. He's a former scout for the Bears,

Speaker 1 tweeted,

Speaker 1 the experts said the Bears would only win three games all year. They've won two of their first three.

Speaker 1 Do these same experts feel the Bears will go one in 14 the rest of the way?

Speaker 1 These so-called experts. The Bears went 1-14 the rest of the way.
Actually, remarkable.

Speaker 1 When you look at the Bears' season, starting out

Speaker 1 that hot, but like getting two wins early, and then having an offense that scored as many points as it did and still managing to lose almost every game. It's pretty incredible.

Speaker 1 It is pretty incredible. That is an all-time, all-time bad take.
Do they think that they're going to go one in 14? Yes, that is exactly what they did down the stretch.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Colin Coward, who said the Denver Broncos have won the NFL offseason. They should be a Super Bowl favorite for the next several years.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine thinking that the Broncos were going to be good in training camp this year?

Speaker 1 Couldn't be me. Not me.
Colin's a fucking idiot and a fake soup guy. Yeah, we have Stephen A.
Smith, who said, I've got the Brooklyn Nets going to the finals.

Speaker 1 Kyrie's going to be a leading candidate for MVP, and Ben Simmons will return to all-star status.

Speaker 1 That's a hat trick right there. That is quite something.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Dan Shaughnessy, who said, expecting the Cowboys and their fans to be humiliated by Brady tonight, this was before the wild card game,

Speaker 1 they will play scared, lose their minds, and Brady will carve them up. Saw this movie a million times here in New England.

Speaker 1 Anybody else in this room think that the Buccaneers were going to do well in the playoffs? I did. Oh, what about...
What about Henry? I did in that game, that specific game.

Speaker 1 No, I didn't. No? No, he didn't, actually.
I didn't.

Speaker 1 Remember, he took the Cowboys. Oh, that's right.
Yeah, he took the Cowboys

Speaker 1 friends. No, I didn't.
He went against Tom Brady. I didn't go against Tom Brady.
Yeah, he did. I bet a future on the Cowboys won the Super Bowl.
And who were they playing in that first round?

Speaker 1 Okay, but like, that doesn't, that's not how futures work. Okay.
E-Man. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're getting spicy here.

Speaker 1 It's getting spicy. All right, next up, we have Jim Ursay after Jeff Saturday was hired and won his first game.
He said, all you critics, you criticize all of us in the NFL for losing.

Speaker 1 When we make moves to win,

Speaker 1 you act so righteous. Who are you crapping? Just win, baby.
Who are you crapping? That's a famous Mike Dick quote. It's such a good

Speaker 1 quote to use on people. Yes, who are you crapping? They lost all their games after that.

Speaker 1 And then finally, we have

Speaker 1 this is from. To be fair, Jeff Saturday had a player on his defense who was betting on football games.
That's true. Including Colts games.
That's true. Finally, we have this is from Kaplan NFL.

Speaker 1 He said, it's not even close. Wentz is so much more talented than Hurts.
I mean, the guy can play. Commanders fans are going to see this season.

Speaker 1 They're going to be some games where you're going to go, why did Philly trade him?

Speaker 1 That's quite a tough.

Speaker 1 That's so wrong. Yes.
That's the wrongest take. Wrongest.
All right.

Speaker 1 Drum roll. Worst takes.

Speaker 1 Winner goes to Stephen A. Smith for his Brooklyn Nets take.
What a take that was. It really hit everything.
Just to reiterate, I've got the Brooklyn Nets going to the finals.

Speaker 1 Kyrie is going to be a leading candidate for MVP, and Ben Simmons will return to all-star status. Yeah, the beauty of that take is it's over three in a single take.
Yes. It's incredible.

Speaker 1 And the Nets could not have imploded worse. Yeah, it was bad.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. What do we got next? Next up, we have Football Guy of the Year.
Yes. The Football Guy of the Year nominations.

Speaker 1 We have first off Peyton Hillis for saving his niece and his son in a riptide. Pulled them out of the water.
Almost died. Went in the hospital.
Had kidney failure.

Speaker 1 Had I think fluid in his lungs as well. and pulled through, saw it to the other side, saved two lives.
So dad of the year nominee and uncle of the year. Uncle of the year.
Nominee.

Speaker 1 As well as Football Guy of the Year. Next nominee is DeMar Hamlin.
Prayers for Damar. Yes, Prayers for DeMarlar.
Prayers for DeMar, Football Guy of the Year.

Speaker 1 And then we have Mike Leach, tragically passed away, head coach of Mississippi State. You know him from the Washington State Cougars, from Texas Tech, from just basically being football.

Speaker 1 His DNA was football for his entire life, and a very interesting guy as well. Passed away.
And the winner is...

Speaker 1 For Football Guy of the Year,

Speaker 1 it's going to Mike Leach. Yeah.
Mike Leach gets Football Guy of the Year. Much deserving.

Speaker 1 Much deserving. He was a guest on this program before, and he's a fascinating guy to talk to.
I understand why the media loves him so much, because he will just, he'll talk to you about anything.

Speaker 1 Sometimes he cares so much about football that he doesn't want to talk about football in the small breaks in his life that he has from football. So we talk about literally anything else.
Yes.

Speaker 1 But just a fascinating dude. Great, great head coach.
Changed the game of football as we know it, actually, with the Air Raid offense. Yes.
Yes. Facts.

Speaker 1 Also, in December, we officially named this award after him. Ooh,

Speaker 1 there you go. So Mike Leach wins the Football Guy of the Year.
We forgot we did that. Mike Leach wins the Football Guy of the Year award.
I told you guys we did that. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Well, we're getting older. We did it.
Yeah, we did it. We did it, Joe.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Last up before we get to Blake of the Year, or we have two more. We have takeies that we won't do, but we thought about doing.
So this is a brand new award. There'll be no nominees.

Speaker 1 You can guess who might be nominated, but we will not be doing these awards. We were just going to say the things we would have done, but we're not going to do it.

Speaker 1 And the nominees for takeies that we won't be doing, but we thought about doing

Speaker 1 are

Speaker 1 anti-Semite of the Year.

Speaker 1 A couple good nominees right off the top of my head. But we're not going to say it.
Not going to say it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Slur of the Year. Some crossover there.
Yes. Slur of the year.

Speaker 1 Whether they be rap lyrics, whether they be on a hot mic,

Speaker 1 slur of the year. Just getting drunk, saying stuff.
We're not going to do it.

Speaker 1 Next up, spicy one, most dominant trans athlete in women college sports. We're not going to do that award.
Nope, we're not going to do that award. And last,

Speaker 1 best questions asked about the COVID vaccine as it pertains to DeMar Hamlin. Not going to do that one.

Speaker 1 Not going to do it.

Speaker 1 Just asking questions. You were not yet.
They were just asking questions. All right.
The winner of Takey that we won't do, but we thought about doing is anti-Semite of the Year. Yeah, congratulations.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 But we're not doing it. We're not doing it.

Speaker 1 We're not doing it. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 Let's finish up with our future take of the year before we get to Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 Hank, would you like to start? Your future take of the year. So we do this every year.
Throw out a take that you think will happen.

Speaker 1 We'll see how right or wrong it is.

Speaker 1 Tiger Woods, father of Charlie, is going to start his own golf league. Oh, okay.
Is it going to be indoors? Has he already done that? And is Rory going to be partnering up with him?

Speaker 1 I see what you're doing. No, a professional golf league.
Oh, professional indoor golf league. No.

Speaker 1 Professional, professional golf league. Okay.
Outside. That's why he hasn't been commenting.
Oh, interesting. I like that.
I like that. Okay.

Speaker 1 Max. Because if he started a golf league, the Saudis would just buy him out.
True. Yeah.
True.

Speaker 1 True. Max.

Speaker 1 Villanova is going to lose in the national championship this year. Oh,

Speaker 1 another loss this year.

Speaker 1 And I'm still going to

Speaker 1 do that. Your future take of the year is to catch another loss? Well, no, that would be good.
I was going to say final four, and then

Speaker 1 I took the joke before you guys. In your wildest dreams, Villanova finished.
No, no, no, that was. You're a bellhop at the hell.

Speaker 1 I was going to say final four, and then I knew what your joke was going to be, so I said it first.

Speaker 1 But you said you still played yourself big time. Well, I wasn't ready to say national championship.
Well, you should have said national championship.

Speaker 1 I said what I said. Okay.
Okay. You might be right, actually.
Yeah. I mean, given your track record backs, I feel like you're right on track for this.
Yes.

Speaker 1 It would be a good take. All right, Jake.

Speaker 1 You listening right now, the AWLs, will tune into the PLL tonight. Yes.
That's

Speaker 1 scumbags. Yes.
Calling the Water Dogs game tonight. Love it.
ESPN Plus. Love it.
And buy tickets to the beer garden. Oh, will you be there? Yeah, I'll be there.
Oh, hell yeah. Doing what?

Speaker 1 I think it's ring night. I think Billy's accepting the rings on your behalf.
I do not want his hands. I'm

Speaker 1 no no no no no

Speaker 1 he's got such soft hands

Speaker 1 yes yes okay billy your future take of the year who are gonna wear who me yeah oh because jake's not gonna wear pants duke's gonna be there you guys should just bring one suit jake wears the top you wear the pants only yeah it's been great uh no my future yeah i like when you say like dukes would be there like it'll make us more confident and things going well

Speaker 1 it will

Speaker 1 get dukes you know safety and numbers hank also asked you what you're going to wear, and you just said Dukes is going to be there.

Speaker 1 You'll be wearing Dukes.

Speaker 1 So, my future takes the year. He still won't tell us what he's going to wear.

Speaker 1 I haven't planned it out yet.

Speaker 1 I don't think about clothes.

Speaker 1 I like the cargo pants blue polo you had the other day. That's dude, that was a good look.

Speaker 1 I love it when Billy puts on a polo shirt outside somewhere and none of the buttons are buttoned up, so he's got the collars just flopping in the wind everywhere. I've never seen an iron.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm just saying, the cargo pants are important because I have to carry a lot of stuff. Right, exactly.

Speaker 1 i have to carry the beer tabs to give out to people i have to carry a phone charge there's a lot of stuff extra zen for to hand out it's it's very complicated yeah to hand out yeah yeah yeah uh so no uh seriously this is my future take of the year okay i really uh think that you guys are going to take part of my take and barstool sports as a whole to the next level in chicago i think you guys are really going to do some amazing stuff out there and create some awesome content and you know not only do i know you're going to do some awesome stuff, but I'm wishing you guys the best.

Speaker 1 Okay. Thank you, Billy.
That was sweet. That was really nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think Billy might win.
Yeah, shit. We are great.
Yeah, we are. Thanks, Billy.
All right. I had two.

Speaker 1 One is that the Ravens are going to win the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 I just feel it. I don't know why.
I think Lamar Jackson is having a great year. And my other one is Dan Snyder is going to rebuy the Washington Commanders.
You motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Just take. Just take.

Speaker 1 There's no chance that happens. Wouldn't that be the funniest thing ever? There's There's no chance that happens.
The deal's ironclad.

Speaker 1 It's interesting because my take of the year was going to be that Dan Snyder is definitely going to sell the Washington Commanders this year. He hasn't yet officially, but it's going to happen.

Speaker 1 It's going to happen soon.

Speaker 1 Wait, that actually hasn't happened? No, it hasn't been signed off on January. Just what? Come on.
The owners have to get together.

Speaker 1 You got to get finances in place. And then once all the finances are in place, then the owners vote.
I was joking. I thought it had already happened.
No, the interest rates have to go down.

Speaker 1 It's happened like seven times. How is it that? It's happening either July 20th or August 8th.
My prediction. Okay.

Speaker 1 One of those two dates. Throw a dart at a dartboard.

Speaker 1 So since Big Cat took kind of.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I really thought he had sold the team.
I'm just going to say that Mohammed bin Salman is going to buy the LPGA, and the women aren't going to be allowed to use drivers anymore. Oh,

Speaker 1 there we go. I see that happening.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's do a quick ad, and then let's do some Blake of the Year. Man, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1 When you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts. That's where Snickers comes in, man.

Speaker 1 That thing is packed. Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk, chocolate.
It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 1 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this: Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 1 Snickers satisfies, man. That's a winning play.

Speaker 1 Okay, it is that time of the year. Probably the most important takeie we give out.
It is Blake of the Year. We have our three Blakes, Brooks, who was suspended momentarily for 24 hours last year,

Speaker 1 Blake Bortles, and Blake Griffin. We were just talking before we started.
Blake Griffin, I think you are Blake of the Year, right? Like this, you still own the crown?

Speaker 1 Yeah, last year, I believe I won. Yeah, so I've got the titles right here.
In 2018, it was Bortles. 2019, Griffin, 2020, Griffin, 21, Bortles, 22, Griffin.

Speaker 1 So, Kepka, you've never won Blake of the Year. Looking to get the monkey off your back at this point.
Now, 18 through 20, those were the years where we did the phone call. Yes.

Speaker 1 And there was, and Blake Griffin would train. Yes.
He would have like a guy that had his phone on him at all times, even when he was practicing.

Speaker 1 So then we switched up to lottery machine ball and then back to trivia with a coin toss last year. Right, and I think if you're watching on the YouTube, Blake Griffin is playing golf right now.

Speaker 1 Blake Kepka's in Portugal, and Blake Bortles is in Florida. So, we're doing the first ever Blake of the Year from four different zones, we're in Chicago, so it's four different time zones.

Speaker 1 International Blake of the Year, yeah, California, Florida, Chicago, Portugal. Blake Griffin is also frozen in a shot.
We have a great angle of him.

Speaker 1 All right, so let's, until we get him back, we'll start with you, Blake Bortles. How are you feeling this year?

Speaker 1 I feel good.

Speaker 1 I mean, I really retired from the NFL in order to train for this, so I don't have much else going on.

Speaker 1 So I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm excited. I'm very excited.

Speaker 1 Blake Kepka, what would winning your first ever Blake of the Year mean to you?

Speaker 1 Honestly, I've party hard tonight already,

Speaker 1 but this would just be a whole new

Speaker 1 atmosphere. Yeah.
We're going to party hard.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We're going to celebrate this

Speaker 1 better than the fifth major, let's put it that way. And Blake Griffin.
No blinking. No blanking.
Yes, no blanking. And Blake Griffin,

Speaker 1 as customary, whenever we do Blake of the Year, you have to show whoever you're in a golf cart with.

Speaker 1 I just finished up, guys. Oh, you played by yourself?

Speaker 1 I just finished up, yeah.

Speaker 1 So it's a good

Speaker 1 time, though. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How bad is your partner?

Speaker 1 He's actually pretty good. I caught him on a bad hole.
I probably shouldn't have sent that picture.

Speaker 1 Who is your partner?

Speaker 1 None other than the Boston Celtics superstar, Jason Tatum. Unfortunately, he's gone, and you couldn't say anything to him.
I would have said nice things to him.

Speaker 1 We're actually coming down the stretch, and

Speaker 1 I got this left to

Speaker 1 to either tie this hole or win this hole and win the match okay all right so here we go here comes the shot brooks you got any tips right here

Speaker 1 i can't look at you it's like a 20 yard shot

Speaker 1 can't see anything i'm just looking at you hold on

Speaker 1 give it a flop put some backspin on

Speaker 1 putt it have your yeah putt it

Speaker 1 we have no pussies in the hall of fame just remember that this is a good point yeah blake you should dunk it People forget you can still dunk. God, I made it.
You made it? You put it in?

Speaker 1 Wow, I definitely didn't make it.

Speaker 1 All right. So

Speaker 1 Blake of the Year this year is going to be three rounds. So the first round is going to be every Blake giving their speech as to why they deserve Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 The second round will be Blake trivia. And the third round, I'm not going to reveal the third round right now because I don't want anyone to cheat.

Speaker 1 The third round is going to test your intelligence as Blake's. Uh, so let's start with round one.

Speaker 1 Let's start with

Speaker 1 the guy who's never won before in

Speaker 1 Blake Kepka. Tell us, the panel, why you think you deserve Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 You can talk about your past year, you can talk about whatever you want, but why do you think that we should give you Blake of the Year?

Speaker 1 Why do I think I deserve Blake of the Year? Um,

Speaker 1 I'll be honest, this year was

Speaker 1 it's a great year for me um i just want to say you know to fit in with the blakes because the last i don't know a few years haven't been going my way i decided to blow the lead at the masters because blakes don't win anything right

Speaker 1 so i figured that that was my way in unfortunately a couple weeks i won but yeah i figured that was uh

Speaker 1 yeah i mean blow a lead, you know, Blakes haven't won anything. We've

Speaker 1 tried our best, but,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm here. I'm here to win this one.
You also have a son on the way that's potentially going to be named Blake. Yes, I could name that kid Blake.

Speaker 1 Full effort.

Speaker 1 Jenna is not a huge fan.

Speaker 1 To be quite frank, she hates it.

Speaker 1 But, yeah, I'm pushing for it. I'm not going to lie, fellas.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And Blake Bordeless, maybe you can use this opportunity.

Speaker 1 If you were to write an open letter to your younger self about what it means to be a Blake and what it means to be a Blake of the Year, what would you tell young Blake in a letter from grown Blake?

Speaker 1 Be it,

Speaker 1 well,

Speaker 1 that the career is going to end rather abruptly.

Speaker 1 Like Brooks mentioned, there's not a whole lot of winning going on.

Speaker 1 And then you fight like hell with your wife to name a kid after you yeah

Speaker 1 have you had that conversation about a blake jr

Speaker 1 no i gave up i think i brought it up one time and uh it didn't go very well so it was uh that was done yeah it's hard to envision a baby named blake coming out they got to have like frosted tips yeah a necklace cool very cool so blake portals if you were to win how would you uh carry yourself with such an honor of blake of the year

Speaker 1 oh it would be massive. I mean, I think since last time we've spoke, I've been doing the exact same thing, which is a whole lot of nothing.

Speaker 1 But in doing that, nothing, it would be just another level of

Speaker 1 confidence and

Speaker 1 a great reward.

Speaker 1 Okay. You've excelled in Blakeness this year for sure.
By far. By far.
I'm living in it. Yeah.
All right. And then Blake Griffin, who's, I think, putting right now.

Speaker 1 Why do you think?

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Yeah.
All right. Go ahead.
You can putt. Why don't you give the phone to the other person we are with so they could videotape it?

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 No, that's fine. I'm just going to putt one-handed.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Why do you think you deserve Blake of the Year?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I've never seen Brooks putt one-handed.

Speaker 1 Blake, hold on. Hold on, real quick.
All right.

Speaker 1 Pleasure.

Speaker 1 Hey, Jason.

Speaker 1 He's not, I'm not letting you talk to him.

Speaker 1 Worst podcast.

Speaker 1 Jason, how big of a dick is Coach K?

Speaker 1 How big of a dick is Coach K?

Speaker 1 That's why you're not. That's not why you're not allowed to talk to me.

Speaker 1 I know you guys. I don't know.
I've never seen. I don't know.
I just drilled a pot one-handed. Never seen Brooks do that.
Okay, yeah. All right, that's a good case.

Speaker 1 No, a lot of haters. Sorry, Brooks.
Sorry, Brooks. I'm a big fan.

Speaker 1 It's Blake, actually.

Speaker 1 Thank you. It's Blake.
A lot of haters are saying, Blake Griffin, that you're a system, Blake, that you've won the majority of your Blake of the Years based on the phone.

Speaker 1 I let my Blake

Speaker 1 speak for itself.

Speaker 1 Three-time champion.

Speaker 1 All worthy adversaries. Really proud of Brooks this year.
Blake seems like he's really hitting his stride.

Speaker 1 He froze. He froze.
God damn it. He froze.

Speaker 1 He's He's back.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 That was good answers by everyone. Maybe not the best answer by Blake Griffin.
Who do you think?

Speaker 1 You know what? We'll reveal at the end who won that round. Okay, I've got my pick.
Yeah, I do too. We'll confer the end.
That was like boxing. What?

Speaker 1 Yes, it's like boxing, so we're the judges. We'll unveil our cards.
Yes, yes. So there's three rounds, so we'll unveil our cards at the end.

Speaker 1 All right, so next round, we're going to go to Blake Trivia. We have a question for each Blake.

Speaker 1 Do you want to start for Blake Kepka, and then I will do the Bortles question? Yeah, sure. Blake Kepka, the first question of Blake Trivi goes to you.
The question is,

Speaker 1 what is the world record for going the longest without blinking? Is it over 30 minutes, over an hour, or two minutes and 13 seconds at a hockey game?

Speaker 1 Definitely two minutes and 13 seconds at a hockey game. Wow.
Trust me.

Speaker 1 I feel like I would know.

Speaker 1 It's not technically the right answer, but I do like it. I'm going to count that as a correct answer.
Okay.

Speaker 1 The correct answer is there was a guy in the Philippines that kept his eyes open for one hour and 17 minutes

Speaker 1 without blinking. So I don't know what tournament he was.

Speaker 1 Can I be clear about this? I didn't blink the entire game. Oh, okay.
So, yeah, so it's you. So it's you then.
That's you.

Speaker 1 Long enough, fellas. Yeah.
Yeah. All right.
Good answer. All right.
For Blake Portals, here's your question.

Speaker 1 This sports commenter got so triggered online, he complained about a father of four who tragically died because while still alive, that father of four liked a certain quarterback who played for the Dolphins and might have sent him a couple memes.

Speaker 1 Chris Sims. Yes, yes, Greg Sims.
Good answer. Yes, that is right.
Chris Sims did

Speaker 1 actually

Speaker 1 attack a father of four who tragically died and was still upset at that man after he passed away. He was mad that he got mean.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Was it actually Chris Emma? Yes, it was.
It was. He got.
So the two-and-on guy unfortunately passed away. Really, really sad story.

Speaker 1 And Chris Memes went on Pro Football Talk the next day and was like, well, he was really mean to me online. So should we really feel bad that this guy died?

Speaker 1 That sounds on par.

Speaker 1 All right. Blake Griffin, we're in the middle of Blake Trivia.
It's your turn for your question. PFT has your question.
Are you ready?

Speaker 1 Yes. All right, Blake Griffin, your trivia question.
Blake Trivia, I think you're frozen. Yeah, he's frozen.

Speaker 1 Your trivia question will be, recite your favorite scene from The Quiet Place.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's pretty good. Nice.

Speaker 1 He nailed it. Good job, Blake.
Yes. He's a good actor.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
That was round two. We're now into round three.
This is going to be tricky.

Speaker 1 This is going to have another trick. This is a speed round for the Blakes.
We'll start with Kepka. We'll go to Bortles.
Then we'll go to Griffin.

Speaker 1 And we're going to go until two out of three can't go any further. So this is called rhymes with Blake.
We're just looking for words that rhymes with Blake.

Speaker 1 And as soon as one of you can't come up with it, you're out. And then we'll have one winner for this round.
So Brooks, you're up first. Rhymes with Blake.
Any word?

Speaker 1 It's awful, but Drake. Okay.
Yep, that counts. All right.
Blake Portals.

Speaker 1 Rake. Okay.
Nice. Blake Griffin.
Frozen.

Speaker 1 What did Brooks say? I couldn't hear him. He said Drake.

Speaker 1 And who did, what did Blake say? Rake.

Speaker 1 Steak. Okay.
Okay. Wow.
This is getting intense. Fake.
Fake.

Speaker 1 Portals.

Speaker 1 Lake. Lake.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Cake. Cake.

Speaker 1 Make.

Speaker 1 Good answer.

Speaker 1 Flake. Flake.
Lake. Yep.

Speaker 1 Shake. Shake.
All right.

Speaker 1 Blake. Blake.
Blake does wrong with Blake. Lake? No, we already had Lake.
Who's the answer? Lake? Lake has been said.

Speaker 1 Lake? In fact,

Speaker 1 you said Lake. Yeah, didn't you say Lake? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I thought he said Lake.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 he said Lake.

Speaker 1 That is what it is. All right, Brooks is out.
Portals, double lake.

Speaker 1 Jesus crying.

Speaker 1 All right, portals.

Speaker 1 Snake. Snake.
Yep. Griffin.

Speaker 1 Shake, but spelled like the Muslim way, like shake, like C-H-E-I-K, I believe. We'll accept this HM.

Speaker 1 Brooks, does that count?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, portals. This is getting intense.

Speaker 1 Capulate. Oh,

Speaker 1 shit. That's one of those $10 words.
I don't think that rhymes either. Capulate is a T.
Capulate. Yeah.
Yeah, with the T at the end. But it sounded good.

Speaker 1 Stop this. How did you get from the fucking 18th grain to the car so quickly?

Speaker 1 I like threw my stuff in my bag. I was like, they didn't like my, I got the guys.
They didn't like my first answer. Take my stuff.
I got to get in the car. Also, I don't think capulate is a word.

Speaker 1 I think you meant to say copulate. Yeah, all right.
So

Speaker 1 this means that Blake Griffin is, if he can give us one word here, he could win this round.

Speaker 1 Quake is an earthquake.

Speaker 1 We know that. Oh, yeah, that does.

Speaker 1 Quake rhymes. All right, so Blake Griffin wins round three.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say Blake Bortles won round one. Yeah, you're right.
His round one answer for what he's done this year to be a Blake was fantastic.

Speaker 1 And then round two,

Speaker 1 I'm going to give it to Brooks. I think it's going going to be a good question.
I think it's Brooks. Brooks set the all-time record.
He is the correct answer to that trivia question.

Speaker 1 So let me get my calculator out. So that's one round for Blake Bortles, one round for Blake Griffin, one round for Brooks Kepka.
Boys, there's a tie. We have to go to our tiebreaker.

Speaker 1 Can you please show what our tiebreaker is?

Speaker 1 It's a lottery ball machine.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 But there's a twist. There's a twist.

Speaker 1 There's a twist. There's a a twist to it.
We're going to give you guys all three

Speaker 1 32 numbers, correct? Yes. So you get, so Brooks Kepka, you get one through 33.

Speaker 1 Blake Bortles, you get 34 through 66. Blake Griffin, you get 67 through 99.

Speaker 1 And first to three wins Blake of the Year. And the reason why Kepka gets more numbers is because there's no ball number three.
No ball number three. So everyone has 32 numbers exactly.

Speaker 1 So are you guys ready? Oh, and then there's a 100 ball that's in the lottery machine, and the 100 ball belongs to everybody else in the world named Blake.

Speaker 1 So if the 100 ball hits three times, everyone else except for you guys wins.

Speaker 1 I got to pause for a second and just be like, this now, Blake of the Year is.

Speaker 1 Got to name my kid Blake. Yes, yes.
If the 100 ball hits three times, we have now made Blake of the Year. We've pushed these guys to the point where I don't think they'll ever want to do this again.

Speaker 1 And I like it.

Speaker 1 Iron Man. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it is a feat of strength. All right, so without further ado, we're going to hit it.
So, first of three wins, Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 Not plugged in. Oh, it is.
Here it goes.

Speaker 1 First number. I'm so excited.
This is huge. Can we turn on the sound in the studio?

Speaker 1 Locked in.

Speaker 1 Okay, we can. I'll take it.

Speaker 1 One more drink. Please.
Okay, first ball is. They're going to show it.
Oh, here it comes. Get closer.
Say it to me. Get closer.

Speaker 1 96. 96.
So that is

Speaker 1 Blake Griffin. Has one.

Speaker 1 That's huge.

Speaker 1 This guy always wins, dude. Brigged.
Brigged.

Speaker 1 Bullshit.

Speaker 1 Ball number two. Oh, that looks like a single digit.
That looks like a single digit.

Speaker 1 Max.

Speaker 1 54. 54.
That's for Blake Bortles. Blake Bortles has one.

Speaker 1 Dude, this is so much karma.

Speaker 1 Next number.

Speaker 1 This is huge. This is intense.
If anyone can get a two, two-ball lead, it's going to be no one's ever come back. No one's ever come back.

Speaker 6 What do we got?

Speaker 1 That's two for Blake Bortles. Wow.
Holy shit. He's one away.
He's one away of Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 Give me the whole bottle, please. Bottle.

Speaker 1 And the number?

Speaker 1 Oh, that looks like a big one.

Speaker 1 35. 35.
So that's Bortles. That's Bortles.
Blake Bortles is Blake of the Year. Blake of the Year.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Overcame a 1-0 deficit. Holy shit.
He said he'd been training. all year for this.
Blake Bortles, if you'd like to give your

Speaker 1 victory speech.

Speaker 1 Yeah, absolutely. I'd like to thank everybody

Speaker 1 this past year that's helped me train. Shout out to Brooks and Blake or Blake and Blake for the valiant effort.
And

Speaker 1 I'm going to have to call somebody to break this fucking machine so we don't have to do this again.

Speaker 1 All right, I'm going to say this right now. This has been fantastic.
Blake Portals is our Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 We're not releasing this until Friday, so please don't celebrate until then, but I'm going to say it right now. Next year, we're getting everyone together.
We are doing it.

Speaker 1 We're going to figure it out. We're going to do a scramble.
We'll do a golf video. We're going to get everyone together.
No more Zoom. And we'll figure out a way to do an in-person Blake of the Year.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 if Brooks doesn't win the golf

Speaker 1 scramble, Blake of the Year, I don't know

Speaker 1 what it's going to take. I think what we're going to do is

Speaker 1 we're going to do a five-man scramble versus Brooks. So it'll be me.
I mean,

Speaker 1 that's where we all have to get strokes, too. No, no,

Speaker 1 no, no, no, way up. You think we can beat him in a scramble?

Speaker 1 Oh, here we go.

Speaker 1 You know what it should be? It should be Brooks. He has to be just as drunk, though, as he is right now.
It should be Brooks and Max going alternate shot on one team.

Speaker 1 You're sitting in front of a blackjack. You're sitting in front of a corne head.
Let's play some blackjack. You know what we should do? You know what we'll do? Actually, we'll do a football toss.

Speaker 1 We'll do a dunk contest. And then we'll do golf.
And then if it's tied after that, we'll go lottery ball.

Speaker 1 Yes, no.

Speaker 1 No more lottery ball.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, thank you.
Thank you to all of our Blakes. We love you guys.
Love you guys. You guys are a very important part of the show.
So thank you for everything.

Speaker 1 And congrats again to Blake Bortles.

Speaker 1 This sucks.

Speaker 1 Congrats, Blake. Super happy for you, Blake.
Congrats, man. I know.

Speaker 1 Bortles, we need to get you doing the intro for part of my take again. Yeah, yeah, you'll be called on.

Speaker 1 Blake, I'm super happy for you, but this fucking sucks. This hurts.
I'm not going to lie. This hurts.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 You guys just want to reuse the one from last time? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Blake Portals, last time he won, delivered the most monotone welcome to part of my take ever.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, thank you, boys.
We'll talk to you. Appreciate you.
Love you all.

Speaker 1 See you guys.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's our show.

Speaker 1 We didn't forget any awards, right?

Speaker 1 There might be one, big cat. Was there any? Jay, can you look over the list? Was there one award we had left?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, there is one. What is it?

Speaker 1 Award-winning listeners of the year. Well, no, they're not the award-winning listeners of the listeners of the year.
Podcast listeners. Yeah, podcast listeners.

Speaker 1 They become award-winning once they win. So they're on seven straight years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the part of my take listeners certainly certainly are. And I do love them more than anything in the world.
Besides my kids, I love the AWLs because they ride or die with us. I do love you guys.

Speaker 1 I appreciate it. It's a crazy eight.
And I want to give it to them. Eight Pete is just, that's, I don't, it's never been done in terms of podcast awards.
But what about

Speaker 1 what about the Kelsey podcast? Yeah, they're pretty good. The Daddy Gang.
Yeah, Daddy Gang. Strong here.
Yeah. What about the Rosillo heads? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the Ryan Boys. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Ryan boys or the Proud Boys? Ryan, yeah, those are both.

Speaker 1 Let's see. There's a lot of good ones.
There's the

Speaker 1 Bill Crew, Billy Crew for Simmons. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's the Billy Goats is what they call them. Billy Goats.

Speaker 1 Billionaires.

Speaker 1 They pay for their own fucking podcasts. I'm too lexy for my shirt, the Friedman listeners.
Yes. Huberman's been coming on strong.
Yes.

Speaker 1 A lot of really stiff competition right now. Well, and like

Speaker 1 the Swifties kind of the Adam Friedland show listeners, yeah, Swifties, yeah, that's true. The little bugs, yeah, yeah, they're pretty good.
Uh, okay, well, I have a coin here.

Speaker 1 Should we flip it and decide?

Speaker 1 Because we could give it to all the ones we just listed, or we could give it to our listeners who are ride or die, and we love them very much, but we don't want to be biased.

Speaker 1 Let's let the coin decide. Okay, what

Speaker 1 are we giving the listeners? Heads or tails? I would like to give every listener heads.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Every one of you guys. But some of them deserve some tail.

Speaker 1 Good point. Yeah.
Hank, why don't you call it? Whoa.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 You guys are fucked. Or should we let Max do it? Yeah, we got to let Max do it.

Speaker 1 Max call it.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. This is just.

Speaker 1 Have it flip it. This is.
No, Max, you got to do it. You're going up to be something terrible.
They can flip it.

Speaker 1 I will say, I'll say, I'll say Tails. Tails.
Tails.

Speaker 1 Never fails.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna let it land. They actually might lose this year.
I can't believe we. They might lose.
No, why do we do this? Really?

Speaker 1 Let the coin talk. Just let them win.
Don't actually make it. Stop.
Let the coin talk.

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 That hit the

Speaker 1 cup. It hit the cost.

Speaker 1 No, dude, we can't. Just let them win like every year.
No. It's Sanjo!

Speaker 1 Eight years in a row. That'll be the first one.
Clearly hit the cop. It did.

Speaker 1 It very clearly hit the cop.

Speaker 1 It always never counts when it hits the cup. You can't hit the cop.
You cannot hit the cup.

Speaker 1 You can't hit the cup.

Speaker 1 The win for mine, right? It hit the cup.

Speaker 1 It can't do the cop. One for the listeners, Max.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. Eight years in a row.
We do sincerely love you guys so, so much.

Speaker 1 Thank you for everything. Honestly.
Yeah, you guys, you guys are a big deal to us. Yeah.
We appreciate you tuning in, you listening. All the mean tweets, all the nice tweets, everything.

Speaker 1 We do very much love you guys. Yeah, we are all blessed.
We have the greatest job in the entire world. There's still days I wake up and I'm like, I can't believe people like listening to us.

Speaker 1 We're a bunch of fucking idiots and losers, Max.

Speaker 1 But yeah,

Speaker 1 it's incredible how many people listen and ride with us and support us. So you deserve it.
Eight years in a row. And it did hit the cup.
We all saw the cup. That does not count.

Speaker 1 It bounced right off the cup. Bounce economy.
You can't have a cup of colour. It went sideways.
It went 90 degrees off the cup. Yeah.
You can't do the cup. We all know, right? Because it's the cup.

Speaker 1 Right, exactly. So, AWLs, eight years in a row.

Speaker 1 I'll hit the fucking table if I want. Eight years in a row.
Celebration. Yes.
Congratulations. Let's get clap it up.
Good job. Confirm takeies.

Speaker 1 All AWLs. How much more do you think we can sell those tickets to? Tenth year?

Speaker 1 I'm actually doing the math in my head. Depending on the size of the theater that we got, we.

Speaker 1 Wait, why didn't we?

Speaker 1 We should do it in Saudi Arabia.

Speaker 1 We could

Speaker 1 put $100,000 on red. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What a thrill that would be. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What a thrill that would be. Have everyone just walked down to the casino with us after?

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I'm getting excited.
Thinking about it. All right.

Speaker 1 Last up,

Speaker 1 the queen has already taken 69. No, but that's a false start.
That's not a a false start.

Speaker 1 She is a wonderful presenter. Guess get special privilege.
Guess get special privilege. So, Billy, what's she supposed to do? Still be alive and wait for numbers? Yeah.
Come on. She's dead.

Speaker 1 The queen gets 69

Speaker 1 numbers.

Speaker 1 17. 18.
I'll go 26. I'm going to go 99.

Speaker 1 I was married to 69. I'm kind of like feeling some freedom picking another number now.
Oh, yeah. Switch off his shops a little bit.
The queen, dude. The queen.

Speaker 1 No, dude, now I'm like, yo, like, I want to see how

Speaker 1 46 rides around. Okay.
I'm going to go for Biden. Clip of the year.
Yeah. There it is.
True to form.

Speaker 1 It's going to be electric if someone got this. If I get 46 though,

Speaker 1 looks like a

Speaker 1 87.

Speaker 1 Baby dronk. Yeah.
Baby dronk.

Speaker 1 He rizzed up that lottery lottery machine. Damn me.

Speaker 1 I'm a baby diggs guy. Always will be.

Speaker 1 Love you guys. I mean it.
I love you guys.

Speaker 1 Kill a monster revenge.

Speaker 1 Today's a master day to find

Speaker 1 shine away.

Speaker 1 So I'll be coming for your love of day. For your love of day.

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 young

Speaker 1 after

Speaker 1 all

Speaker 1 the state.

Speaker 1 I'm all designed, but be stone away.

Speaker 1 Then it's hard for something

Speaker 1 to Say after me

Speaker 1 It's forget it to be safe and sorry to be safe than sorry

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 after

Speaker 1 Let me stay

Speaker 1 away, little eyeballs. Just to play my worries away.

Speaker 1 You're all the things I've got to remember. When you're shying away,

Speaker 1 well, I'll be careful for you anyway.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on me,

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on.

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 after