Sam Darnold, Mt Rushmore Of Pisses, Joey Chestnut Is The GOAT American, Britney Spears vs Vic + Monday Reading

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have Sam Darnold on the show. We interviewed him at TEU.
It was awesome in person.

Speaker 1 Great talking to Sam Darnold. We also have the Mount Rushmore of Pisses.
Peas, great Mount Rushmore. We're back after the week off, July 4th, so we got got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 1 We got Who's Back of the Week. We got a Monday reading.

Speaker 3 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch Sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 4 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love the solid work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out on washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to

Speaker 4 presented by Barston.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take. Today is Monday, July 10th, and the boys are back.
Hello, boys. Hello, boys.
Hello, boys. Good to see all of you.
It's a great, great to be back.

Speaker 1 We had the week of 4th of July off, so we haven't talked to the people in a while. I hope everyone enjoyed Dungeons and Dragons on Friday.
I certainly did. Tim Woods is a legend.

Speaker 1 But, boys, where should we start? I mean, I actually think, I was thinking about it, I was trying to recap everything that happened this past week, and there's only one way to start.

Speaker 1 And I know everyone's gonna be like, oh, Victor Wembaniana and Britney Spears.

Speaker 1 No, it's our guy, Joey Chestnut, being the greatest American of all time and saving, literally saving the 4th of July for America.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's when he goes between being the greatest athlete to ever compete in a sport to being an absolute legend.

Speaker 4 a living legend, the Paul Bunyan of Chugging Glizzlies, because this dude was fucking,

Speaker 4 he walked out of the locker room when they canceled the event. And the look on his face was just one of utter sheer determination.
I said that they should put that face on money.

Speaker 4 That should be a portrait that exists on what, like a $4 bill, however much a hot dog costs.

Speaker 4 That should be on that denomination of currency because he was determined he was going to make that thing happen, come hell or high water. And then he stepped out there.

Speaker 4 And yeah, it wasn't his best performance, but given the circumstances, he absolutely, he still dominated everybody and put his best foot forward, continued the streak. Dude is a legend.

Speaker 1 I mean, they tried to freeze him out. We know what happens to the buns.
He told us what happens to the buns when they sit out. They get stale.
They're harder to eat. He still dominated.

Speaker 1 16th championship.

Speaker 1 I know that people think maybe we get a little hyperbolic when we talk about Joey Chestnut in terms of the greatest of all time. I don't think

Speaker 1 we're doing it enough because this past 4th of July, not only did he cement himself even further better than everyone else, never going to be touched, but he's also maybe on a short list of greatest Americans of all time.

Speaker 4 He saved the sport.

Speaker 1 He saved eating.

Speaker 4 Like the list of people that you can count that have done something of that magnitude, it's Joey Chestnut and it's Teddy Roosevelt when he saved football. Yeah.

Speaker 4 When he turned it into the woke Football League, we were not allowed to have people die on the field anymore. But it was like...
It was such a great moment because we were all bummed out

Speaker 4 when the hot dog eating contest was canceled. Everybody was just pissed off.
Like, what are we going to do before the barbecue starts? This is what we do every 4th of July.

Speaker 4 It's appointment television. We get amped up about it.
And he just, he, as an individual, made sure that it happened. He's like, we're going to do this fucking thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 And then he did the fucking thing.

Speaker 1 And then he did the fucking thing. He is, yeah, he's up there.
If we did a new Mount Rushmore of Greatest Americans of all time, it's Joey Chestnut. Who else?

Speaker 4 Get TJ off. Get Thomas Jefferson.
Get Thomas Jefferson. He's a fraud.
Overrated.

Speaker 1 Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think who else.

Speaker 4 If we're talking just like sucking down hot dogs, I feel like Nancy Reagan might have a say. Throat coat?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's been a while since she's gone viral for being the throat coat. Memes.

Speaker 4 Imagine if she competed in the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. That would be a matchup.

Speaker 1 Yes. A hologram, Nancy Reagan? Yes.

Speaker 1 That would be great if we just did. It's like

Speaker 1 when they do like what this horse would look like against Secretariat, and they just did that as an animation.

Speaker 1 Maybe you get the Monday Night Football graphics going again, and once Nancy Reign would be able to like Mike and Ike's.

Speaker 1 She swallowed them like pills.

Speaker 4 Yeah, tic-tacs.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
She's like a, yeah, she's like, when you give your, your dog pills, you just put them into like a little peanut butter capsule, gulp.

Speaker 1 Boom.

Speaker 4 No, it was over. It was great, though.
I was, I was so happy that we at least got to have the contest. It was.
It was a great moment for America. It really was.

Speaker 1 It really was.

Speaker 1 The other things that happened. So, Victor Wembanyama, welcome to America, buddy.

Speaker 1 No way to be introduced to our culture and our world than have Britney Spears try to grab your ass and then have it become like an international incident on your second week in this country.

Speaker 1 I still don't really know what the big issue was watching the video.

Speaker 1 What was that? She tried to grab him, a security guard kind of swiped, and then she almost hit herself in the face.

Speaker 5 It was the way the news came out because the report came out the day before, and everyone used their own imagination thinking that his security guard like punched her in the face. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then once the video came out, I was like, oh, this is nothing burger.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I'll be honest with you. This was a story that I saw the headline and I was like, okay, I don't really need to read past this headline.
I'm not sure if this even happened.

Speaker 4 It was like TMZ needed something to write about. So, and they are the king.
It's them and our good friend Robert Little at Black Sports Online. TMZ and BSO, they know how to write a fucking headline.

Speaker 4 They do. And so they got everybody's attention on an otherwise slow news day.

Speaker 1 It would be great if

Speaker 1 the most shocking part is Britney Spears knows who Victor Wembanyama is, maybe a big hoop head. Maybe she's a baller.

Speaker 1 But that would be great if ESPN hired her for maybe some of the vacancies on NBA countdown. Like, how great would that be?

Speaker 1 Britney knows ball.

Speaker 4 How high did she have to reach up in the air to grab his ass?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I imagine that his ass is probably like above the top of her head.

Speaker 1 I got to say, because he's playing right now in a summer league game, and I think he's playing better than his first one.

Speaker 1 I know that we're a Victor Wembanyama podcast. We've staked our reputation on it.
Everyone will remember this. It would be so fucking funny if he was a bust.

Speaker 4 No, no, Big Kat, I think you're kind of misconstruing what our point was. Like, we're already right about Victor Wembanamo.
We've said that he's the best prospect in the history of the NBA draft.

Speaker 4 What he does with that from this point on, that's on him. But he went first overall.
We nailed that one.

Speaker 1 So if he's a bus, like that would be funny, right? Like that would be pretty funny. No, Hank, why not?

Speaker 5 I don't think he's going to be a bus.

Speaker 1 No, I don't think so either. I don't think so either, but it would be kind of funny.

Speaker 4 It would be very funny, yes.

Speaker 5 Oh, buses. He's sad.
Busts are sad.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think

Speaker 5 like Greg Odin, like, that's sad.

Speaker 4 That was different, though. That was, like, more about injuries.

Speaker 4 If he just, like, wasn't good at playing playing basketball, you know, okay, you're right, Hank.

Speaker 5 It's impossible with his size. Yeah.
The only way he's a bus is if injuries.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I agree, Hank. Bussar said, what if he just sucked really bad this year and then became like an all-time great? That would be funny.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 how many first-round picks do the Thunder have right now? They've got like, I know they have 35 draft picks. I think like 15 of them are first-round picks.

Speaker 1 I think they have one of the Rams picks.

Speaker 4 Is it possible for the Thunder to, like, what would be the amount of first-round picks that the Spurs would accept for Victor Wimbinyama?

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't know, but the Thunder don't need it. They have Chet.
I can't wait to watch Chet and Victor go at it.

Speaker 4 We've got Victor Wimbenyama at home. Victor Wimbenyama at home.
Get angry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going to be, like, I actually think both of them will be relieved when they play each other because they know that they're not going to get bodied.

Speaker 1 They're just going to

Speaker 1 pirouette around each other for, you know, 48 minutes and just do a little dance.

Speaker 4 I actually think that when they play against each other, they're going to see that as an opportunity for them to be able to back down somebody finally.

Speaker 4 And so they're going to start like throwing their tiny little bodies around into each other.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Be like, look at this.
I'm a real man. Yeah, it will be a manoeuvano.
But yeah,

Speaker 1 that was quite the story. That was also one of those like, hey, we're in the middle of July, not a lot to talk about.
Let's just run the Victor Wembanyama.

Speaker 1 Britney Spears storyline for four days straight.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it was pretty good.

Speaker 4 It was a great headline. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I have a,

Speaker 4 goddamn, I feel really, really old, and I wish that I didn't read this today.

Speaker 5 Oh, no.

Speaker 4 So the Nationals drafted Dylan Cruz from LSU. That dude's a beast, by the way.
LSU players went one and two in the MLB draft.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Skeens went to the Pirates.

Speaker 4 Yeah, and they asked Dylan Cruz

Speaker 4 who his idols were growing up playing baseball. And he said that as a kid, he modeled his swing after Bryce Harper.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that.

Speaker 4 I wish that he had never said that.

Speaker 4 I already love him because he's going to be an awesome player in Major League Baseball. He's a great college player, but I just really wish he had said any name except for Bryce Harper.

Speaker 1 Dude, that's kind of like we joked about it when Brandon Miller said that Paul George was his GOAT. But I saw another clip of another prospect being like, Paul George is my favorite player.

Speaker 1 And I was like, this is... This maybe is like what this is what the future is.
Like we need to stop saying like MJ LeBron. Just ask, like, who is your favorite player?

Speaker 1 Because for a lot of these kids, like, if you're 18 years old, what is that? Do the math. 2015 is when you were, you were 10 years old.

Speaker 1 So you, you were too young, probably, to like even understand the heat, LeBron. That's crazy.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that is nuts.

Speaker 4 Delhi was my favorite player growing up.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's, that's a bummer. I can't believe you just told me that.
That's

Speaker 1 all right. Other news, Damian Lillard.

Speaker 1 I'm so sick of him. I already was sick of him, but I'm more sick of him.
The report, I don't know if it came from him, but maybe his agent basically being like, I want to go to the heat nowhere else.

Speaker 1 He's done a really good job of taking the best goodwill that any player's ever had and just finding how quickly can I erode all of this.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I don't know how serious he is about that. I mean, he does want to go to the heat, obviously, but when he says, I don't want to play, I won't play for any other team.

Speaker 4 If they do trade him to a different team, is he really just going to sit out the entire time? That'd be good. Does he have that in him?

Speaker 4 I think that's the only leverage that he has is to say that he would do that. I don't know if he'd actually follow through, but I'm still, you know what they should do? Threads?

Speaker 4 The new Twitter? That should just be a Dame Lillard free app. No Dame Lillard discussion on threads.

Speaker 1 I'm down for it. By the way, should we talk about threads? I'm already, it was fun for like

Speaker 1 two and a half days. Yeah, yeah, me too.
Two and a half days.

Speaker 1 I've just,

Speaker 1 yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do with it now because I just don't, there's nothing, it's too nice.

Speaker 1 It's a bunch of people like trying to go viral by being like asking questions, like, what is everyone having for dinner? And shit like that.

Speaker 1 I tried to play that game for like a day and a half, got bored. Like, I think I'm done.
I think I'm done with it. Yeah.
You know what's the worst part? Yeah, Bill. Yeah.

Speaker 4 You can't delete it or you're going to delete your Instagram as well.

Speaker 1 If you try to delete it, it'll delete your Instagram account.

Speaker 1 Oh, gosh.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 Zuck,

Speaker 4 you crafty minks.

Speaker 5 That's why I never got it.

Speaker 1 It is funny. It is funny, like, on a bigger scale, of like the all the like anti-Elon guys being like, well, Zuck will, Zuck will save us.
The guy who like

Speaker 1 four years ago, like, the whole country was having a crisis about Zuckerberg, like, you know, like swaying elections and all this shit and like how he was like this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he had to go to Congress. They're like, no, no, he's not Elon.
It's cool. We'll just give him all of our information.

Speaker 4 We have the collective memory of a goldfish in this country. It's really, it's really wild that Zuck is now the good guy in a battle between like Zuck and Elon Musk.
I think they both suck, but

Speaker 4 it was fun for the first two days because everybody pretty much treated thread like it was a burner account. Yeah.
Like what they said there didn't matter at all.

Speaker 4 And there's definitely going to be some people that do get canceled for their jobs in like seven years when they look back at what you put on thread for like the first two days when everybody was just like firing off takes left and right, it's like, oh, it's a new social media app.

Speaker 4 It was like Twitter in 2009, 2010. Yeah.
Where people were just like saying whatever.

Speaker 4 Like 10 years from now, somebody's going to, there's going to be a congressperson that has to get in front of a microphone and be like, I was, it was the lyrics to a rap song that I was putting up there.

Speaker 4 Okay. Listen, it was thread.
It was the Wild West at this point. It wasn't real.
But yeah, I got, I'm with you, Big Cat.

Speaker 4 I have not been on thread in the last two days after just like doing nothing but random top 10 lists of things.

Speaker 1 And then it's like, oh yeah, that app oh yeah i remember that one yeah the first day and a half was exciting it was like because there's nothing going on oh new app and then as soon as i realized that i was following a bunch of people that i'm following for their pictures not their thoughts uh and now they're giving me their thoughts

Speaker 1 i don't need their thoughts that's guys and girls that's guys and girls yeah i really follow sillo for his pictures yeah i followers

Speaker 1 oh the the the the j-lo one i gotta find it j-lo had one where I was like,

Speaker 1 I think it was the moment I was like, I think I'm done with this app forever.

Speaker 1 She, hold on, I got to find it because it was,

Speaker 1 everyone's just too nice, too. They're all like, everyone's like, oh, this is nice.
I'm getting here. Did you see Dane Cook? He was like, this place is so nice.
Like,

Speaker 1 all this community that we built. It's like, dude, we've been on this for a fucking 24 hours.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 4 Really, really strange stuff.

Speaker 1 Very strange.

Speaker 4 It also sucks having to, first first thing in the morning now there's another app that you have to log on to and see what's going on now you've got to go twitter instagram thread right in the morning or else you're going to feel like oh i'm missing out on something and you know what's going to happen

Speaker 1 thread i feel like if anything happens on thread it's just going to be on twitter and probably vice versa like yeah yeah i don't think you need both um jlo said next thread hummingbirds appear to me in some of the most important moments of my life what's your spirit animal i was like i'm i i can't do this i can't This is why we have bullying on Twitter.

Speaker 1 Sloths.

Speaker 1 We cleaned out Twitter to be brutally honest about everything.

Speaker 4 Sloths because they're lazy and they sleep all day and you only see them when you're on vacation, Hank.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Did you see your theories prove corrected? The Island Boys were making out on things.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Well, I know that that's true.
Yeah, twins. All twins.
All twins have kissed. The island boys make threads?

Speaker 4 I actually never saw it.

Speaker 1 It was for OnlyFans. They have an OnlyFans.
They were kissing and then they're like, come check out our OnlyFans.

Speaker 4 I saw it on Twitter. They said it was on threads.

Speaker 4 That should be the sign that the internet was a bad idea.

Speaker 1 The whole thing is a bad idea.

Speaker 4 Officially a bad idea. If, like, people are if twin boys are making out with each other to drive subscriptions to their OnlyFans as a promotional stunt, everyone needs to log off.

Speaker 4 There should be, you should not be allowed to use the internet in the summer.

Speaker 1 I like, I like, yeah, I like that it's like twin brothers kissing.

Speaker 1 We were fine with the guy who's just publicly been letting his wife get railed for the last week out of 22.

Speaker 1 That's fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's been, it really is. In terms of like the internet delivering on down sports times, it was fun for that.

Speaker 1 Like, I appreciated Zuck doing it when he did it because there really was nothing going on.

Speaker 1 And like, hey, let's all fuck around on an app for a couple of days and then we'll forget it until some type of controversy happens and we'll go back on it and then we'll forget it again.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it did fill a nice purpose there. It gave us something to do for those two down days.

Speaker 4 I've got, I had another drunk idea. We could get into that real quick because I'm sure that a lot of people out there have thought about this at some point, but we need to make it happen as a reality.

Speaker 4 I've been playing a lot of golf recently. I've gone out with Hank a couple of times here in Chicago and

Speaker 4 They need to make a fucking golf ball with a chip in it that you can locate on your phone when you lose it in the woods or in a bush or in tall grass.

Speaker 4 We've spent what, like $50 billion on an F-22 to shoot down a hot air balloon.

Speaker 4 I think that the technology exists out there to put a chip in a golf ball. They have 20,000 of them at every top golf that you go to.

Speaker 4 Now, I understand the naysayers will be like, well, then you won't have to buy new golf balls because you'll just always be able to find them. No, that's how you use American ingenuity.

Speaker 4 You make the chips slowly wear down so they are only good for like a couple months and then you have to re-up on new balls. But this needs to happen.

Speaker 4 I know that we probably have somebody out there from Taylor Made that's listening right now. Let's make a golf ball with a chip in it.
We're way overdue for that.

Speaker 1 Apple tag, yeah, Apple tag.

Speaker 1 Yeah, tag it. They got it.
They have it. They created that? Who's they?

Speaker 4 Taylor-made TP5

Speaker 1 golf. Oh, wait.
Oh, he's reading the onion right now.

Speaker 5 I mean, no, TP5s are the best golf balls.

Speaker 4 TP5s are the best golf ball.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 But I use T, T, I have an entire rack of TP5s, and I burn them like nobody's business because there's shut up, Hank.

Speaker 4 There's not a chip in them, so I lose them all the time. Also, give me a ball with a chip in it.

Speaker 4 You don't have to worry about it because, like, if you go in the water, you're not going to go get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 If you hit it in deep grass, you're not going to go get it.

Speaker 1 You're still going to have to find a golf.

Speaker 5 And the ship explodes in the water.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 There are GPS golf balls.

Speaker 1 They're about $30.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 4 they need to be increasing $30 a ball into everyday life.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but so PFT, the only downside if we're just in the truss tree and we're just, you know, like pretend we're in shark tank, what then, like, it kind of is a bad thing because, like, I'll hit in the woods and then I'll just, like, wait till no one's looking and then drop it right by the woods.

Speaker 4 That's fine. Yeah.
I mean, if you're going to cheat, you're going to cheat anyways.

Speaker 1 Right. But, like, people, like, you know, you, you want to.
I don't want to know where my ball is. People are like, why do you have so many balls? You only need one ball.

Speaker 1 And it's like, well, I don't want to hit it out of like one, because when I hit it out of bounds, I hit it out of bounds. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Oh, me too. And I'll just, like, if it's more than 100 yards off the fairway, I'll probably just let it go.

Speaker 1 Oh, if I can't see the ball within like the first pass-through, it's like that one's gone forever.

Speaker 4 It would make golf so much more fun. The rounds would go faster.
It would be better.

Speaker 4 Let's make it happen. I'll put my name behind this one.
I'll help Taylor May develop a cheap, economically feasible golf ball with a chip in it.

Speaker 1 What's that smile, dude? What was that smile? No, no. What was that smile?

Speaker 1 What was that smile? I was just

Speaker 5 a couple things were just making me laugh.

Speaker 1 Go on.

Speaker 5 Well, I was thinking, I remember the track thing, and then also me and Pietr were playing yesterday, and he a couple times was playing like legitimately two fairways over.

Speaker 5 It was funny when I heard when he was like, if it's 100 yards away, he was like,

Speaker 1 no, no, not the much fairway.

Speaker 5 Caught a good line. But the fairway after.

Speaker 4 Yeah, if I'm in the other fairway, I'm definitely going to play it. I'm in a fairway.
It's a great shot.

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, no, I know.

Speaker 4 It just made me smile. Yeah, good.
I'm glad that we could make you laugh. Some of us, Hank, some of us can't get out there and golf seven to nine times a week.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean, this is a, yeah, whatever, whatever.

Speaker 1 For everyone, by the way, who's giving Hank shit this summer, just know

Speaker 1 here. Just know that before the summer started, he did sit me and PFT down.
He's like, I'm not working this summer. So he said that to us.
Yeah, it's the summer of Hank.

Speaker 1 That's not exactly how I said it. Yeah, you're like, guys, just so you know, I'm not going to work this summer.
But he's

Speaker 1 has no choice.

Speaker 4 Once football season starts, he's into work mode. He's going to work like you've never seen him.

Speaker 1 No one's ever going to work with you. I don't have an office I can go to.
The golf course is literally

Speaker 1 my only sanctuary.

Speaker 4 Making deals out on the golf course. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he did.

Speaker 5 If the office was open, I'd be there.

Speaker 1 But you leave me no choice. He did alert us that he will not be working this summer.
So lay off with him. Okay.
Lay off.

Speaker 4 We're not blindsided by this. I was shocked.

Speaker 1 He just made me fucking shit. I was shocked when he texted us.
PFT was like, hey, I have a vacation plan. It's like, dude, you told us you weren't working this summer.

Speaker 1 What do you mean you have a vacation planned? Yeah, do you mean August? Yeah.

Speaker 1 The only vacation you would plan is to work. Like, I have a vacation planned.
I'm going to work for a week.

Speaker 5 Actually, not even again, this kind of fits this false narrative that you guys are trying to spin, but I am going to.

Speaker 1 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you or did you not say I'm not working this summer?

Speaker 5 No, I said, you know, I'm going to enjoy myself this summer because we don't have an office to work out of.

Speaker 5 And once the fall comes, I'm going to be living in the office. But you guys spend that in me not working.
I am taking a vacation in August to Block Island, which doesn't have a golf course.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 5 that actually is an anti-vacation.

Speaker 5 That's work. I'm going to work.

Speaker 4 You're in prison, basically, if you go out there.

Speaker 1 How do they not have a fucking golf course?

Speaker 5 They just don't have one there. I think it's like a...
They want it that way.

Speaker 1 You just got to hit it in the ocean. Yeah.

Speaker 5 But that did come over me. I was like, damn, I'm I was taking all this time off.

Speaker 5 And I can't even play.

Speaker 1 Wait, there is one.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 5 Okay, Billy. I promise you.

Speaker 1 Hank is. Hank is

Speaker 1 on Google Earth zooming in.

Speaker 1 That looks like a hole.

Speaker 1 The hardest he's worked this last month was trying to find a single golf course on Block Island.

Speaker 4 There's two golf courses.

Speaker 1 Man, that would be embarrassing.

Speaker 1 Only other thing I had for us, Cooper Flag

Speaker 1 is like making waves. And I just want to remind everyone, he was our guy first.

Speaker 4 The real deal.

Speaker 1 We had him when he was 16 years old. We've been grooming two guys, Cooper Flag and Charlie Woods.
Everyone else, back off.

Speaker 4 He's awesome. He's just swatting balls into the backboard.
He had, what, six blocks in the championship game? And throwing alley oops to himself.

Speaker 1 And everyone who's like, well, he's going to be a Duke blue devil. I will just choose to just not acknowledge that entire year of his existence.

Speaker 4 Well, he definitely wouldn't have gone to Duke if Coach K was still there. That's true.
He would not have fit into Coach K's system.

Speaker 1 By the way, quick bear season two recap. Awesome, awesome season.
Way too much Coach K talk.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that was a sneaky little subplot, wasn't it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was. It was.
But everyone should go watch that show. It's fucking awesome.

Speaker 4 Is he related to Coach K?

Speaker 1 No. He looks like it.
No, no. It was.

Speaker 4 Just watch the show. Okay.

Speaker 4 It's a very stressful show, though. If you've ever worked in a restaurant before, you get PTSD from the dinner rushes, all that stuff.
You feel like you're back in it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, I had a drunk idea too.

Speaker 1 Speaking of restaurant business, I went out to dinner a couple weeks ago and when I was finishing, I had some leftovers and a dude came up and he was wearing a shirt that was different than all the other waiters and was like, can I take this for you?

Speaker 1 I think we could just eat for free. If we just show up to really nice restaurants and we just go to like people who are just finishing being like, can I take this for you? And then just walk out.

Speaker 4 Yeah, stand there with your hands behind your back like you're looking very official.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a piece. You could probably only do it once at each restaurant, but it would work.
I handed him my food like it was nobody's business being like, this guy will come back with a bag.

Speaker 1 And yeah, I think I found a way that if we ever fall in hard times, we can just live off of that.

Speaker 4 Yeah, next time you see a homeless person on the street,

Speaker 4 don't give them any money. Don't give them food.
It's like teaching a man to fish as opposed to handing him a fish. Yeah.

Speaker 4 You go up with a nice Van Hewson shirt from Kohl's off the rack you tell him tuck it in these khakis put a belt on and then you can eat for free at any restaurant in the city yes yeah just be like just walk up and just kindly say anyone who's just about done hey can i take that for you can i bag that up for you um all right so should we do who's back then we'll get to sam darn and the mount rush more pisses uh let's do it hey it's pft here reminding you that boars head makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless whether you order catering platters ahead from your local boars head retailer or you create your own spread at home with boars Boarshead premium deli meats and cheeses, you are sure to impress your guests.

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Speaker 1 Hank, who's back of the week?

Speaker 5 Yeah, who's who's back of the week is Billy lying. He just instilled some hope into me, but there's definitely not.

Speaker 4 That's the worst lie I've ever told him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, what, what, like, yeah, but you can't, you have, you can't just, whatever.

Speaker 1 Block Island Club.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Wentworth Golf Course.

Speaker 5 It's not on Block Island.

Speaker 4 Discover all two golf courses in Block Island and book your golf holiday today.

Speaker 5 All right. Yeah.
Give me the location of those, Billy, and then let me know.

Speaker 5 My other who's back, I I have a couple, the four aces.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Huge

Speaker 5 comeback win today. Honestly, I'm not even trolling.
I was watching it. It was interesting.
Like, Cam Smith was winning. He had a chance to Birdie 18,

Speaker 5 and his team would have won, and he would have won. He had a two-shot league, but he bogeyed it.
So his team lost, but he still won the

Speaker 5 single tournament. And afterwards, he was like mad.
He was like, how do you feel? He was like, you know,

Speaker 5 it's kind of mixed emotions because I wish we had won.

Speaker 5 But the four aces are just a wagon.

Speaker 4 What are the four aces again, Hank?

Speaker 5 Dustin Johnson, Patrick Reed, Peter Uline, Pat Perez. Bam!

Speaker 1 There you go. Nice.

Speaker 1 Finally got it. Finally got it.

Speaker 4 There are absolutely zero golf courses on Block House.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That's right.

Speaker 5 I got so positive.

Speaker 1 He just tried to mansplain you. Yeah.

Speaker 4 But these websites are lying.

Speaker 5 Well, no, you have to click more than one click into like a Google search search result and then you can figure that out.

Speaker 4 On leadingcourses.com, it says there's two and they're not in Lock Island.

Speaker 4 You're like Jamie from

Speaker 4 the Joe Rogan show, if he only got to go off the very top third of the screen on every time he tried to pull up like a Google fact check.

Speaker 5 And then my other who's back,

Speaker 5 it's really who's, you know, who's now.

Speaker 5 is this Vegas Globe.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 They rolled it out this weekend and it's maybe the coolest thing I've ever seen. Like, I feel like it's going to be everywhere all the time now.
Like, it's the future. It's like a giant.

Speaker 5 I don't even know how you would describe it. It's unbelievable.

Speaker 4 Really, really good. I would fuck the globe.

Speaker 5 It's a 360-degree LED screen that can be changed and manipulated to look like different things. Like, they had sick fireworks on 4th of July.
They make it look like...

Speaker 5 They had an NBA basketball for the summer league.

Speaker 5 I don't know how much it costs, but like,

Speaker 1 you know know what the craziest part about the globe is? What? Who created it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 John Taffer. James Dolan.

Speaker 1 James Dolan. There was an article a few years ago that was basically like, here's the headline.
Forget Kevin Durant.

Speaker 1 New York Knicks owner James Dolan's actual passing project is building futuristic dome-shaped arenas. So if you're a Knicks fan, you got to hate this globe.
You got to protest this globe.

Speaker 4 I mean, he's really good at designing globes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but he literally has been spending the last like 10 years of his life building a globe instead of a basketball team.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but look where Kevin Durant's at now and look at this fucking globe.

Speaker 1 That's true. That's true.
Did the globe really go down for a minute? Did you see that picture? Was that photoshopped? Because I don't know. It was, it was, someone tweeted it.

Speaker 1 It was like Las Vegas local or something. And it was like when your...
Computer screen goes to like a blue screen. It was like, please restart.
It ruled. I hope that that was real.

Speaker 4 That sounds like it might have been Photoshop. It probably was.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's got the Xbox Red Ring of Death on it. Yeah.

Speaker 4 That would be awesome to play like video games on the globe.

Speaker 1 Dude, the globe is the future.

Speaker 4 If ever, you're obsessed with buildings in Las Vegas, it seems like.

Speaker 4 No, that's what I'm saying. Like, I would fuck.
That's quite an afternoon. Like, fucking Allegiant Stadium and then going over and just using the globe like an anal bead.
Also,

Speaker 1 a special fuck you to like anyone out there who's like, what a waste of resources. Like, the world is like, you know, on fire.
We're all gonna die.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude, if we're gonna die, I want to watch something cool. I want my TV.
I want to be able to see something cool as I die. Yeah,

Speaker 4 this is this is actually like a great other thing that we can add to billionaires.

Speaker 4 If you're if you're a billionaire, you either have to own a sports team of some sort or design something cool for all of us to look at and just have our minds blown by.

Speaker 4 And if you're a great owner, then do both.

Speaker 1 I can't wait for the like the article that's going to come out in a month about globe accidents, like people getting in traffic accidents, just looking at the globe.

Speaker 1 Because I would just stare at that thing. I mean, does this mean Doller is going to turn the Mecca?

Speaker 5 They should turn the Mecca into a globe.

Speaker 1 I think he wants to. I think he wants to build another globe in London.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 I don't see how anyone can see that, a potential investor, and be like, I'm in.

Speaker 5 Like, if you have any amount of money to invest and you're getting offered the chance to invest in that globe, like you have to say yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What does it do? It just puts cool shit out there.
Yeah. Everyone takes pictures of it.

Speaker 5 It's like like they're going to, however much it costs to advertise on it is like, it's better than a billboard.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Globe.
All right. Is that all your who's back? Uh-huh.
That was good. Good job, Hank.
PMT.

Speaker 4 My who's back of the week is Bob Huggins.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 4 Bob Huggins is kind of back. It seems like he might be back.
I don't know, but he's employing a brilliant legal defense right now.

Speaker 4 He's claiming that he never actually resigned from WVU after he got a DUI. It was less than David Fries' DUI in terms of BAC, but he did get a DUI, pretty bad one.

Speaker 4 And they claim that he resigned at the time. West Virginia University said that he's stepping down from his position as head basketball coach.

Speaker 4 He is now saying that he never resigned, that his wife sent an email saying that he was maybe going to step down and that they ran with that.

Speaker 4 And so now he's claiming that he's going to come back and coach West Virginia basketball unless they fire him. And they're kind of the ball is in their court at this point.

Speaker 4 But as far as a legal strategy goes, I think it sounds pretty ironclad. It's like my wife sent you an email.
I didn't.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
And if you want to fire me, fire me. And then I get paid, I'd assume.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Or fire my wife. My wife, I got, I got hacked by my wife, is what he's saying.

Speaker 1 I, Huggy, because he already took a pay cut after the radio thing.

Speaker 1 It feels like he might just coach West Virginia for $1 next year. That's fine.

Speaker 4 If this was in Louisiana, they would be like, okay, yeah, that's a good legal defension back in.

Speaker 4 West Virginia is kind of, they're kind of Louisiana adjacent in terms of how they apply their laws, but that's going to be retire.

Speaker 4 Well, because then he walks away from all that money.

Speaker 1 They owe him money. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I hope Hoggy goes like the Jim Calhoun route and goes and finds like a Division III school and just gets them all in the treadmill and wins all the games. Yeah.

Speaker 4 He's a school that exists in a place that doesn't have roads, so he can't drive.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, where would that be?

Speaker 4 Does Block Island have a college and roads, Billy?

Speaker 1 Golf carts, yeah, no idea, yeah. All right, good.
Who's back? Was you got any others?

Speaker 4 No, that's just it. Okay, I was gonna say Billy being a liar, too, but Hank took mine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, uh,

Speaker 1 what did I uh liar to you? I got a few who's back. First is Wimbledon talking tennis.
Uh, I didn't know, I didn't know Federer was fully retired,

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah. He was in a suit watching.
Yeah, I know. Kind of a cuck move.
Well, well, Jokovich is going to keep just tallying up wins in his face.

Speaker 5 I'm not a fashion guy, but

Speaker 5 Speeth Rookie and Justin Thomas were there, and I saw the picture. I was like, oh, Speeth looks good.
I kind of like his outfit the most.

Speaker 5 And then he was just getting cooked for his suit not being ironed.

Speaker 1 Can I say something? And I don't think this is true because Jordan Speeth has a lot, a lot of money.

Speaker 1 But I think I have that same suit and I understand what happened because it's like a $500 suit that you buy on Instagram one of those swipe up ads and I'm pretty sure it's the exact same suit and yeah it does it does wrinkle very quickly because it's a $500 suit on Instagram you know when you get those ads they're like you'll never own another suit again I bought one of those and it does wrinkle and it's exactly that same color and it looks exactly like it.

Speaker 1 I think he's wearing a $500 Instagram suit.

Speaker 4 And if you fly somewhere

Speaker 4 and you pack a suit, it's going to be a little bit wrinkly. Like all that travel is going to make it wrinkly.

Speaker 4 Then you have to remember: oh, I got to get my suit pressed after you get to a new city, new country, new hotel. Probably doesn't have time to get the small, it's a small amount of wrinkles.

Speaker 4 It's not a good visual, but it's not like the most wrinkly suit that I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 Jake, find me a picture of

Speaker 1 the suit I was wearing for the Barstool Invitational and send it to the group. Oh, I got it.
I think I'm wearing the same suit as him. So not the same color, but

Speaker 1 I I think, and it's wrinkled, and mine wrinkles as well. I think he bought a $500 Instagram suit.

Speaker 1 It makes sense.

Speaker 4 There's also a good chance that Big Cat's like, oh, he has a wrinkly suit.

Speaker 1 I have a wrinkly suit. Dude, the same color.
Suit. Look at it.
Look at it. I just send you the picture.
Okay. Same color, same thing.

Speaker 1 It looks exactly the same. Same material.

Speaker 1 I think he went the $500 Instagram suit route.

Speaker 1 I think that's a different color.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I got to see the buttons.

Speaker 5 We got to see the are those cufflinks you're wearing?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 no, I don't think so.

Speaker 5 So, like, the buttons on the bottom sleeve. It could be.
It looks the same.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Again, you look good, too.

Speaker 5 I thought he looked fine. And then I saw him getting cooked.
I was like, well, that's why I don't know fashion.

Speaker 1 I just, I was like, Homer Simpson meme when I was like, I was going to roast him. And then I was like, wait, I think I know exactly what happened here.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 listen, it's a comfortable suit. Like, it did work.
It is, it is cheap.

Speaker 5 So, you're saying he will, he will, but the ad, he will get another suit again, it seems like he might.

Speaker 1 He might. It's so the thing is, it's uh, now I'm really gonna just tell on myself.
It's one of those, it's I get targeted for a lot of the ads. Max knows, Max can back me up.

Speaker 1 The, the, like, hey, you ever want a shirt that hides your belly and your tits? Like, get this shirt. You'll never own another shirt.
And it's just a t-shirt and you're still fatting it.

Speaker 1 This is the suit version of that. It's a stretchy material that doesn't iron well and so it's like it's like uh it's like almost like a it's like an under armor shirt in a suit form

Speaker 1 is this a fat is this a fat suit or is this well that's one people that don't like ironing i bought it because it was like this will fit the contours of your body perfectly the linebacker build right everyone says that it's built for a linebacker let me just say this it's a compelling ad it's a compelling ad when you see it on your instagram and i have so many of the t-shirts i have so many of those

Speaker 1 I will try to confirm through maybe JT if he can figure out what exactly suit he's wearing.

Speaker 1 But yeah, that was talking tennis.

Speaker 4 I like the idea that you and Max get served ads, and it's like, is your body like TJ Watts?

Speaker 1 Dude. And you're like, yeah, it is.
Yeah. I'm not kidding.
It's, it's, it's basically the Alex Jones picture in every ad. They're like, do you look fat and frumpy with mantits in your shirts?

Speaker 1 And it's like some guy like slouched over with like stains on his shirt. He's like, try this shirt.

Speaker 1 And it's like perfectly contoured for wide shoulder guys. Pop your biceps, hide your fat, and then you put it on and it's just a t-shirt.

Speaker 4 Tight around the biceps, loose around the waist.

Speaker 1 That's always the same. That's all it gets.
It's always long. Dude, it always gets long.

Speaker 4 I'm like, fuck, so I'll look jacked and skinny.

Speaker 1 There is a large portion of AWLs listening right now being like, yep, I know exactly what you're talking about. And I get those shirts as well.

Speaker 1 So we stand with you. Max and I stand with you.
We've been targeted and harassed by Mark Zuckerberg for our body shape. Yeah, am I looking into this? I think it's great.
Dude, the suits are great.

Speaker 1 I'll generally do that. The suits are in great shape.
I'll send you the suit. The best part about the suit is you just, you go, you go and you don't get measured for it.
You just like medium-large.

Speaker 1 No, it's like, it's basically like, what body type are you? Fat, husky, sturdy?

Speaker 1 It's like only three options.

Speaker 4 He's good when it comes to those algorithms. Yeah.
Because because he's got all your pictures, so he knows what your body type is. I get the uh, I get the like lift kit ads for your shoes.

Speaker 4 Like, do you want to add an extra one and a half to two inches to your height? Well, then just slip these on in your shoes.

Speaker 5 I get the cat legends every day, yeah,

Speaker 1 all over the place. Um, all right, my other one, uh, other who's back is eating, which is actually kind of perfect for this.
Uh, eating is back.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you guys saw this, but um, there's a new TikTok trend called girl dinner. So girl dinner, it's,

Speaker 1 I'll read a little bit of the article. This isn't the Monday reading.
It could have been, though.

Speaker 1 According to TikTok, where the trend has more than 30 million views, girl dinner is akin to an aesthetically pleasing lunchable, an artfully arranged pile of snacks that, when consumed in high enough volume, constitutes a meal.

Speaker 1 Or so the thinking goes. So it was basically came

Speaker 1 like they set the scene. It's 90 degrees outside.
You come home from a long day of work. You grab a

Speaker 1 bag of popcorn, a glass of wine, some bread, some cheese, a hunk of chocolate, settle into the couch for a night of snacking and watching TV. Is there anything more glorious? Welcome to girl dinner.

Speaker 1 So it's just.

Speaker 4 I've been eating girl dinner for the last 20 years of my life.

Speaker 4 There's nothing I like better than doing an all-aps dinner, which is all appetizers, all finger food, maybe even all dips, like five different types of dips.

Speaker 1 Dude, it sounds like a snack.

Speaker 5 A snack is girl's dinner.

Speaker 4 No, no, it's different. No, no, Hank.

Speaker 1 It's a lot of snacks. Girl dinner is both.
Popcorn and chocolate. Hank, Hank.
And wine. Hank.

Speaker 1 Typical girl dinners may include some kind of fruit, a block of cheddar, sliced salami, a sleeve of fancy crackers, and a dish of olives. Girl dinner is both chaotic and filling.
Wait, charcuterie?

Speaker 1 No, it's just

Speaker 1 dude.

Speaker 1 I've been eating girl dinner forever. I just, I accidentally eat a full sleeve of crackers and a block of cheese while I'm standing in front of my fridge.
That's girl dinner. Girl dinner is the best.

Speaker 1 And then this woman

Speaker 1 who works in LA said, I think the concept of girl dinner came to me while I was on a hot girl walk with another female friend of mine. The concept of eating?

Speaker 1 I think it's hot girl walk. Yeah, but no, it's hot girl walk.
What did I say?

Speaker 1 Hot girl walk. Yeah.
Are they hot? Are they hot girls or is it hot girl girl? Hot girls.

Speaker 4 They're hot girls.

Speaker 4 No, no, it's the walk. The walk is a hot girl walk.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 She said. Yeah,

Speaker 4 it describes the walk.

Speaker 1 walk it doesn't describe the girl a guy can do a hot girl walk all right so here's the last thing i'll read from it she said she and her friend have been discussing the unmatched perfection of bread and cheese as a meal unto itself as simple as it is satisfying we love eating that way and it feels like such a girl dinner because when we do we when we do it when our boyfriends aren't around and we don't have to have what's a typical dinner

Speaker 4 it's a how is this it's just eating it sounds kind of like the plot of yellow jackets honestly that's the real girl dinner.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? It's girl dinner, baby.

Speaker 1 This is my dinner. It's chaotic and filling.
So, yeah, girl dinner. Eating is back all the way back.

Speaker 1 I like hot girl dinners. Also, all the Northwestern alums are back for speaking out against hazing.
Oh, wait, no, that's right.

Speaker 1 They all went silent, which I don't actually care, but it is funny because they are the loudest people in the world.

Speaker 1 I don't think Greenie, Greene was in Japan, so I think he gets to be like, I was on a flight for two weeks.

Speaker 4 Time zones, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I just.

Speaker 5 Oh, and they can't find a

Speaker 5 skullhoes for Skip?

Speaker 4 Yeah, they can't find a skill host. Nobody wants to work with Skip?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The Northwestern thing, though, it's weird.
I don't really understand.

Speaker 1 Like, well, I guess there'll be more facts that come out, but it just, the part I was just interested in is like, let me hear all the Northwestern alums that are down our ass when they win four football games.

Speaker 1 Billy? Billy's got a take. He's been brewing on it.

Speaker 4 No, No, dudes who don't play in transfer are the biggest snitches ever.

Speaker 1 Oh, Billy.

Speaker 4 I mean, like, because they're the only ones who's like, there's something wrong with this program.

Speaker 1 It's not wrong with me. It's the program that's wrong.

Speaker 4 And they're like,

Speaker 4 and like,

Speaker 4 they don't buy in. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4 No, but like, in this.

Speaker 1 They don't buy into getting humped.

Speaker 4 I mean, if you think of a dog, if you think of a football pile, there's probably more football piles.

Speaker 1 They're more intimate than

Speaker 4 who hasn't pumped their boys we actually do it we do it every wednesday yeah i'm part of my take like a football team's a brotherhood it is always like what happens in a football locker room would shock everyone in the world probably all the time yeah the funniest part of this like it's there's some parts that aren't funny there's some parts that are funny by far the funniest is the fact that they're gonna have to have a locker room monitor that is not affiliated with a football team at all whose job it is to just stand in the locker room and observe what's going on and then report back to the university.

Speaker 1 Make sure there's no humping.

Speaker 4 They're going to end up humping that guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah, like there, there's got to be a million,

Speaker 5 like Northwestern.

Speaker 5 I guess I'm not going to say it.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say it. It's a tricky one.
It's a tricky one. But there's got to be way worse.

Speaker 5 Like, there's no doubt in my mind that there's other programs that, like, if whatever.

Speaker 1 I just know

Speaker 1 this is just from a personal perspective.

Speaker 1 Every time that Northwestern beats Wisconsin, I hear about it constantly, and then I hear crickets now. So, where are those guys?

Speaker 5 I think they're going to have to fire Fitzgerald, unfortunately.

Speaker 4 Yeah, the soap slips, the soap slip and slide in the showers is just a classic across the country.

Speaker 1 If that is wrong, then I don't like the naked bear crawl

Speaker 4 fucking your jacket. Just guys being dude, that's that's a hot hot boy walk.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 boy walk. Then we get guy dinner.

Speaker 1 We go with the O-lineman and we get 5,000 calories. We call it guy dinner.
Let the meat talk.

Speaker 4 Yeah. They're going to introduce this locker room monitor.
They're going to bring in, no offense, Jake, but like somebody, like Jake, they're going to bring Jake in.

Speaker 1 It's going to be Ravel.

Speaker 1 Ravel's going to be like, I'll fix this.

Speaker 1 I will be the locker room monitor.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jake is going to be the locker room monitor. No offense.

Speaker 1 She's going to bring in a dude to watch naked dudes. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. That's their job and make sure that

Speaker 4 there's there's no naked hijinks going on in the locker room yeah uh all right billy you're who's back i can't believe this dropped so far but uh ufc awesome oh yes awesome card last night uh probably one of the highlights was israel adesania going to confront dricus duplessis i hope i pronounced that right uh in the cage after he won that was awkward it was what he said well yeah what did he say billy he i i can't say it um why not because i actually didn't see this so oh it sounds like billy might not have gotten the the fight

Speaker 1 He didn't get it. He didn't watch.
I didn't get the fight. I didn't get the fight.

Speaker 5 He was reading headlines again.

Speaker 1 So prove to us that you watched. Tell us what he said.
I honestly don't know. He said,

Speaker 4 What's up, my brother?

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 He said that, and then he said, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep.

Speaker 4 And then Driekus said,

Speaker 4 I'm not your brother. Your brothers are in New Zealand.
And it was just a whole thing. Okay.
But basically, Dupless is.

Speaker 1 Why is that so bad?

Speaker 4 Duplessis has been saying he's the only

Speaker 4 African champion in the UFC.

Speaker 1 He's from South Africa.

Speaker 4 Yeah, and he's like playing off some like old

Speaker 4 1990s South Africa stuff. But what's funny is

Speaker 1 the 1990s in South Africa, though. He had a little dook-do-doo in South Africa.

Speaker 1 Kelly just fucking yada, yada, yada, apart.

Speaker 4 But what's crazy is that there's actually a bigger rivalry between South Africa and Nigeria when it comes to like sports World Cup and everything so there's a lot of even black South Africans rooting for Tricus against Adesanya because he's originally Nigerian Tricus is just an awesome name for a fighter he's awesome and and Bo Nickel was incredible he's

Speaker 1 so awesome

Speaker 4 he showed people he could box yeah

Speaker 4 it was a great card it was a great fucking card and uh oh also there's another thing Adesanya another part of it is like there's video of Adesanya when he was kickboxing in China saying that he was really Chinese and that he's not actually African, he's Chinese.

Speaker 4 So, like, that might be another element to the whole thing. Okay, so it's going to be a great fight.

Speaker 1 He's going to 26 and meet it. Yeah, yeah, that was another part.

Speaker 4 Yeah. This is a battle of who's more African, is what I'm hearing.
And Billy is the judge. Yes.

Speaker 1 Billy will be

Speaker 1 judging it. I'm just bringing it up.
Billy will be ringside

Speaker 1 scoring the fight. Okay, is that you have any other who's backs?

Speaker 4 Tom Brady.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 Allegedly involved with the Kardashian after your boy's white party.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 What about the report that came out today, Billy?

Speaker 5 If you're going to bring up news, you got to stay up to date.

Speaker 4 This was at the end of my list after Britney Spears and stuff.

Speaker 1 So who had the report today?

Speaker 5 There was a report today that he was seen at a party talking to multiple women.

Speaker 1 Who had the report?

Speaker 5 I don't know. Page, probably New York Times.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was hoping it was Florio, and then you had to use that.

Speaker 5 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 That white party, yeah,

Speaker 1 we will still

Speaker 1 sneak in at some point.

Speaker 4 And we were there. I was there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They never caught me. USA just scored.
We're going to beat that. Yeah, let's go.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Suck at Canada.
Fuck you. That's for those wildfires, bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Let's go. I feel like we definitely could do an amphibious assault on the wife part on the white party if we just came from the sea.

Speaker 4 Like, why don't we just go from the sea?

Speaker 1 There's probably no security on the sea.

Speaker 4 So, Hank, why would you not be excited about Tom Brady dating Kim Kardashian?

Speaker 1 Is that a real question? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, why wouldn't you? She's hot.

Speaker 5 She drove Kanye crazy.

Speaker 1 She can't, you know, can't.

Speaker 4 Oh, she made Kanye crazy.

Speaker 5 Fact or fiction, he went crazy after he married her.

Speaker 1 She's Avo Braun, you're saying? I just

Speaker 1 was

Speaker 4 always a little bit crazy.

Speaker 5 That's easy to say in hindsight. I feel like you would have been, I love Kanye before Kim K.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you a question, Hank.

Speaker 5 If Tom Brady's relationship, Chris Humphreys, disaster, like every relationship she's been in, not great.

Speaker 5 She's for clout.

Speaker 1 She's all about clout.

Speaker 5 Tom Brady's a real man. He cares about

Speaker 5 family, brotherhood, love.

Speaker 1 Yep. Why do you care? He's not playing anymore.
Yeah, but also, Hank, what if Tom Brady said, Kim Kardashian is the love of my life, and I just want to be happy? Will you not let him be happy?

Speaker 5 If he said that,

Speaker 5 he can do whatever he wants, but I'm not going to let the internet and Billy football just

Speaker 5 report on fake rumors.

Speaker 1 It kind of sounds like you're being a cock block right now.

Speaker 1 Are you being a cock block?

Speaker 5 No, I just let all the facts come out.

Speaker 1 That party looked insane, though.

Speaker 4 He wants to get down with the thickness.

Speaker 1 Yeah, come on, Hank.

Speaker 4 Dude,

Speaker 4 Giselle was like

Speaker 1 no cake. That was worse.

Speaker 1 That was worse.

Speaker 5 And by the way, Giselle was all natural.

Speaker 1 Giselle is like

Speaker 1 a bowl. She was all natural.

Speaker 4 Giselle is like

Speaker 4 a two by four compared to Team Crowds.

Speaker 1 I see a timeout. Billy's saying he just wants to get down with the thickness is way worse than you calling every golf course a track.
Just want to update the log there.

Speaker 5 Okay, yeah, I mean, I think they're actually both good phrases. I like that with a thickness.

Speaker 4 That with the thickness is fun, but it sounds like you're not, it sounds like you're body-shaming Kim Kardashian a little bit.

Speaker 5 Me, she's got a fake body,

Speaker 1 and Tom Brady would never do something like that.

Speaker 5 So, like, I don't, I just like

Speaker 4 do something like what? Have sex with a full-figured female?

Speaker 5 No, like, he's Tom Brady's all natural himself, she's all about, you know, oh, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 4 she may be too inflated for him.

Speaker 1 Sometimes, oh,

Speaker 1 you got this. Hey, Hank.

Speaker 1 Hank, what's this?

Speaker 4 What's a better comeback? 28-3 or the Ray J tape?

Speaker 5 Yeah, exactly. See, that's what it's like.

Speaker 1 Hank,

Speaker 1 what's Kim's PSIs on her ass?

Speaker 5 I don't know, but it's too much.

Speaker 4 The ideal gas log or cost of

Speaker 1 that. You're saying you would never go for something that inflated, yeah?

Speaker 5 No, I just think that report came out like a week and a half ago. The one that came out today was he was at a party talking to multiple women.

Speaker 1 Okay, but

Speaker 1 on the basis of

Speaker 1 Tom Brady talks to people at party.

Speaker 4 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 And also, Hank, just on like a page.

Speaker 5 Sources hold page six, Brady was also spotted engaging in conversations with various women at the party.

Speaker 4 I think he was talking to men too, because that's a bigger story.

Speaker 1 I don't see any of those reports. But Hank, on a basic level, like you and Tom Brady are bros, right? Like you guys are boys.
And he comes back after a night and he's like, yo, I just met this chick.

Speaker 1 I think I'm going to smash. She's so hot.
and you're like, No, bro, that don't do that. Don't know, I would be like, Tom, get a pizza, get some fucking pizza with the boys, and let's fire up the Xbox.

Speaker 1 That's what you're doing. You're cocky.
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 I'm in math class, and I got Jimmy John sitting next to me being like, Did you hear Tom Brady's banging Tim? And I'm like, Dude, you're making that up, bro. Don't slander my bro like that.

Speaker 1 We might have an issue. I'm just defending.

Speaker 1 Why is that slander? Canada is worth penalty. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 We have

Speaker 1 USA.

Speaker 4 Penalty coming for Canada. This is bullshit, damn.

Speaker 5 What do you like about Kim Kardashian, PFT?

Speaker 1 She's extremely attractive.

Speaker 4 No, but do you think those are super-like, what would you do?

Speaker 1 She's like, what's your favorite part?

Speaker 1 No, she's a millionaire.

Speaker 1 She is a billionaire.

Speaker 4 She's a lawyer, Hank. She went to law school.
She has a very successful line of cosmetics, and she's got an ass that won't quit.

Speaker 1 Her dad was a lawyer?

Speaker 4 I got a, you know what's crazy? Like, do you think Kim Kardashian and Tom Brady were both like the two head honchos walking to that party?

Speaker 1 Like, Tom Brady's the alpha amongst the men, and Kim Kardashian's the alpha amongst the men. I don't know.
Who else is higher ranking? Drake.

Speaker 4 Drake? Drake. I do not think Drake is higher ranking.

Speaker 1 I think Drake was there.

Speaker 1 Are you sure? Drizzy wasn't there? He was there, right, memes? Yeah, Drake was there.

Speaker 4 But I don't think Drake.

Speaker 4 Tom Brady or Drake to women.

Speaker 1 Hank, tell us, Tom Brady or Drake?

Speaker 5 I mean, you could ask me anything, and it's Tom Brady. All right.

Speaker 1 But at a party.

Speaker 5 Literally anyone.

Speaker 1 Do you not think Drake would be like at a party?

Speaker 5 Fuck. Tom Brady would be cooler, funnier, probably sing better.

Speaker 1 Okay. Who's higher than Kim K though?

Speaker 1 Alex Earl? Rihanna?

Speaker 1 Livvy Dunn?

Speaker 4 Beyonce?

Speaker 4 That orb in Las Vegas?

Speaker 1 All of them.

Speaker 1 Everyone you just said.

Speaker 4 Is Kim K like like the...

Speaker 4 It's weird that you have like a big thing against one of your best bros banging Kim Carter.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 He's a cockpit. that's weird i think you're jealous there this is fan fiction

Speaker 1 i am so used would you have people just creating national

Speaker 1 obviously oh so there it is okay so that's i'm not john brady i don't hold myself to the standards that he holds to yeah you're like yo dude you you would never you like you shouldn't go for her and then you're you're like yeah yeah i'll meet you in a second we'll play some warzone you're in the bathroom texting kim k being like yo like i'm the one

Speaker 1 if if if tom brady comes out publicly i will i will take everything everything I just said back and I'll be the biggest Kim K fan in the world. I love it.

Speaker 4 Tom Brady's going to end up like Lamar Odom, but like in Amsterdam, just like a nicer venue.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, she is the

Speaker 1 scared of.

Speaker 1 Wait, wasn't she, wasn't that Chloe?

Speaker 4 Yeah, but like Sam curse.

Speaker 1 Kardashians, yeah. So now, like, Kardashian curse is real.

Speaker 4 He's dating, what,

Speaker 4 O.J. Simpson's daughter-in-law?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Half-daughter?

Speaker 1 No, no, Kloe. No, that's just Chloe.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but so that would make Kim OJ's half-daughter.

Speaker 1 No. No.
No. No.

Speaker 5 That's not how

Speaker 4 step-half-daughter. That's not how she works.

Speaker 4 The stepsister to the real killer.

Speaker 1 OJ's honor. Yeah.
There you go.

Speaker 1 Got it.

Speaker 1 All right. I don't know how we got.

Speaker 1 Jake, you're up. Yeah, I don't know.
I'm going to follow that conversation. We hadn't talked for a while.
The guy said,

Speaker 1 I'm going to go to the lives.

Speaker 5 I didn't miss that, Billy. I don't know what, like, come on.
Who's back?

Speaker 1 That was a meandering 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 I think it started with Northwestern and ended with Hank fucking Kim Kardashian.

Speaker 4 It is really weird, though, that Hank is totally against Tom Brady.

Speaker 1 Dude, being with Kim.

Speaker 1 He's being a real fucking, like,

Speaker 1 dog. He's being a vibe killer.
Dog.

Speaker 1 It's rumors. I'm defending him against rumors.

Speaker 5 If you guys had, you guys had rumors where, like, I would defend you, too.

Speaker 4 No, dude. Tom Brady's a stay-at-home dad.
He needs to find another sugar mama to pay his bills because he always likes women who make more than him. That's just the facts.

Speaker 4 He needs a woman with money. That's the facts.

Speaker 5 You can't deny that. There could be something there.

Speaker 1 There could be something there.

Speaker 5 Again, like, Tom can do whatever he wants.

Speaker 5 But until I hear it from him, I'm not going to be.

Speaker 7 He's a trophy husband. He's a child.

Speaker 5 Let people decide

Speaker 4 what's best for him. He got dumped by his ex-wife who needed a better trophy husband.
Now he's looking for someone to take care of him.

Speaker 1 All right, Jake, your who's back.

Speaker 4 My who's back is the NBA Cup.

Speaker 1 It was revealed. Yes.
This weekend. Everyone, I think a lot of people don't like it.

Speaker 4 I think it's awesome. I think it's a professional version of the Maui Invitational Battleflow Atlantis.
I don't think anything's wrong with it.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 I actually agree with you, Jake. Yeah.
I know you think that I only shit on things just to be cool. That's not the fact here.
And here's why. There's one reason why I like it.

Speaker 1 I looked at the schedule. The final four is December 9th.
What is December 9th? That's Army Navy Day. That is the day that you're like, oh, fuck, college football is over.

Speaker 1 So scheduling-wise, I'm in. I will watch this.
Also, I'll like it.

Speaker 4 Like, December 9th, I don't think people are circling NBA on their calendar, but now this gives you a reason to do so.

Speaker 1 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 4 No, there is that feeling that you get after Army Navy's over where there should be more sports on that day.

Speaker 1 Right. Exactly.
The Heisman is on. Right.

Speaker 4 Yeah, there's never any good sports on after that i think it's it's going to be great i hope that some real shitty team wins it so that they can just hang up a banner that says like nba finals yeah if the bulls win this i will make the best shirt ever so basically for people who don't who haven't been connected or read up on it's basically a world cup version of nba yeah it's like four uh six groups five teams each and there's knockout stages and then the final eight teams play in vegas it's it's a whole thing they were they did a good job of weaving it into the regular season so you won't even notice it until that december 9th day and then you'll be be like, oh, this is kind of fun.

Speaker 1 And also, I think the players each get like $500,000,

Speaker 4 $500,000.

Speaker 1 Each. That's a big deal.
Even the millionaires, that's a big deal. Well, and the games are in Vegas.
So it's like

Speaker 1 we're going to get great content out of the winning team just blowing all that money that night. Yeah.
So I'm excited. Yeah.
Okay. Good.
Who's back? Also, Ellie De La Cruz. Yes.
Stealing home. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Awesome. He stole all three bases in the same inning.

Speaker 1 In two pitches.

Speaker 4 It's wild. It's crazy.
It's so much fun to watch.

Speaker 1 Max is underneath the desk right now trying to plug in the computer.

Speaker 1 We might lose you guys. But let's get to our interview.
We have an awesome interview with Sam Darnold. We're plugged in.
We're plugged in.

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Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is 49ers quarterback Sam Darnold, former Jets, former Panther quarterback, former USC quarterback.

Speaker 1 Let's start here, though, because you are a 49er now. How does that feel? Are you like you went to OTAs?

Speaker 6 Yes, I did.

Speaker 1 You're with Kyle Shanahan. How's it gone so far?

Speaker 6 It's great, man. First of all, thanks for having me.

Speaker 6 This is awesome. You know, I've been a fan of the show for a while, and this is a very formal setting.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 it's good.

Speaker 1 This is how ESPN does it. Exactly.

Speaker 6 No, but it's great, man. Like, it's nice to be on the West Coast again.
I can't lie. Like, by my family, it's like a 45-minute flight down to Orange County.

Speaker 6 So, that's really nice for my parents to be able to come on up for games super easily.

Speaker 6 And then, obviously, the organization, man. Like, that's, you know, this past year was my first time hitting free agency.
So, kind of the first time I had a choice, really,

Speaker 6 and to be able to... just see what you know their organization's like, that offense is like,

Speaker 6 and just the culture that's set in that locker room by just great dudes and guys that, you know, obviously

Speaker 6 it's a profession, it's a business, and they take it very, very serious. But at the same time, like,

Speaker 6 I feel like

Speaker 6 they do a great job of kind of having fun, but also mixing that with being able to lock in on the field and do your work when you need to do it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, we were just out at your teammate George Kittle's barn. We were working out with him, did an interview with him, and he told us that that you guys have become, you know, pretty close.

Speaker 4 You lived at his pool house, right, during OTAs, but then you moved out, and he was wondering why you moved out.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Well, I got my spot.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. Okay.
Yeah. Is there anything else? No.
Any other reason why you moved out? No.

Speaker 4 That he would have told us, maybe?

Speaker 6 No.

Speaker 4 To ask you about?

Speaker 1 Uh-uh.

Speaker 4 You didn't think it was haunted?

Speaker 1 Oh, the pool house? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah, there was something going on with that.

Speaker 1 That's not why I moved out.

Speaker 6 I moved out because I had already spent a week there, but that didn't help.

Speaker 6 You know what?

Speaker 4 We have to follow that up.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Kill us all ghosts.

Speaker 4 I think you actually do see ghosts.

Speaker 1 Like, I think it's like a real ghost. Like, legitly.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Legitimately. No.

Speaker 6 It was crazy, though, man. Like, I never had anything like that happen to me before.

Speaker 6 I'm talking about...

Speaker 6 I mean, I guess both, you know, the New England game and

Speaker 6 at George's house. No, but

Speaker 6 it was just, it was crazy, man. Like, I woke up and, you know, how sometimes you have a dream and then you wake up and you feel like you can't move for like maybe four or five seconds, whatever it is.

Speaker 6 And, you know, I felt that and I woke up. It was like 3 a.m.
Went to go take a pee and, you know, came back, fell right asleep. And then that next night.

Speaker 6 you know, the night after that, the same thing happened.

Speaker 6 And I like,

Speaker 6 I just like couldn't, like, I had to like keep focusing on this thing in the corner. Like, there was something else.

Speaker 1 The Hatman.

Speaker 4 Like, in the room. Was it a dude wearing a hat?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 4 Oh, Billy was telling us about that Hatman.

Speaker 6 No.

Speaker 6 Was it George? George didn't tell you guys about this? No. No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 It might have been him. Yeah.
He's just watching. Exactly.

Speaker 6 Yeah, he was just watching me.

Speaker 1 No, that's not true.

Speaker 6 No, dude, it was very creepy. And I had never dealt with anything like that before.

Speaker 6 I like know a couple people who have had situations where like, you know, there, there have been um whether it was like old like civil war you know place where now there's like a hotel or um a dorm and people have like certain experiences with that um

Speaker 6 but it was just like super super weird like and it just felt like when i woke up there was something like holding on to me yeah um and then

Speaker 6 That next night, I like felt that something was in the room with me. And it was the, it was the freakiest thing.

Speaker 6 I'm like getting chills talking about it right now, but that's never happened to me before.

Speaker 1 And I'm sure it sucks for you because you can't be like, tell the media I saw a ghost. Yeah.

Speaker 6 No, I didn't see him. I just felt it.
I felt it.

Speaker 1 Felt it. Listen to your body.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I felt it. So,

Speaker 6 no, but that was, I mean, yeah. I'm glad George told you about that.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I believe in ghosts.

Speaker 1 So I'm with you. I'm on your side.
You went ghost hunting in Milwaukee a few years ago. If you don't believe in ghosts, I don't believe in you as a person.
Really? Yeah. Ghosts are real.

Speaker 1 How could you say ghosts aren't real?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I mean, if you believe in angels, right? You believe in all that stuff.

Speaker 1 Little children, if they die, they become a ghost. Someone who's been wronged, they're a ghost.
Yeah. That's just a fact.

Speaker 6 Yeah. It's just sometimes they feel like making their presence felt, and sometimes they don't.
Right.

Speaker 4 The more I think about it, though, the more I think it probably was just George. Just like put on one of his Luchador masks,

Speaker 4 goes upstairs next to you, watches. But it's got to be cool playing in that new offense.
And as a free agent, you chose to go to San Francisco, right?

Speaker 4 Like this seemed like a place that might be a good fit, a good place for you to start, you know, getting back out there and see what you can do.

Speaker 4 We always say like imagine any quarterback in college shanhan system because it seems like it's a very quarterback-friendly scheme. And I guess you're a gunslinger, right?

Speaker 4 Would you consider yourself a gunslinger? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I play quarterback. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You're a gunslinger, for sure.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'll let you guys call me whatever, yeah.

Speaker 4 So what is it? Because we know ball. We watch the all-22, we study, we break down all the film.
But from your perspective as a quarterback.

Speaker 6 You guys break down on the table.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I'm a film rat. Yeah, big time.
So

Speaker 4 when you're looking at different offenses

Speaker 4 and you see the kind of offense they run in San Francisco, what is it about that that made you say, I want to be a part of this?

Speaker 6 Guys are open. I mean, there's a lot of guys open on

Speaker 6 dang near every play. It just seems like there's a ton of answers.

Speaker 6 Great run game.

Speaker 6 I mean, whenever you can have a great run game as a quarterback, that's always a comforting feeling.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 yeah, I think, you know, just with the certain weapons that they have, you know,

Speaker 6 Debo, Ayuk, George, obviously Christian Juice,

Speaker 6 Juwan Jennings, like there's so many guys you can go on and on, but they've been there for so long. And Kyle's been able to understand kind of what everyone does well, what they don't do well.

Speaker 6 And I feel like every game plan he,

Speaker 6 you know, uses and gets the most out of

Speaker 4 his guys.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 that's a very good feeling as a quarterback, knowing that

Speaker 6 the coordinator is going to put everyone in the best position possible.

Speaker 1 Do you think Kyle has hyperdrive in him?

Speaker 6 What is that?

Speaker 1 Adam Case, when he was like, we're going to go into hyperdrive. Remember that? No.
Yeah, he was like, our offense is about to go in hyperdrive. Did he say? Yeah, he said that.

Speaker 6 Okay. Yeah.
That was probably one of the two years I was with him that I wasn't really paying attention to the media very often. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Smart. I was with him for two years.
Yeah, yeah. Well, hyperdrive can last for a very long time.
You actually should see a doctor if it goes for more than

Speaker 1 a few weeks. Yeah.
Okay. Hyperdrive was.
It's kind of like Viagra. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Sometimes hyperdrive is like over in like six seconds, too. It's great.
Well, it lasts, but then everyone else is unsatisfied.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, okay.
Yeah. So we mentioned Billy.
That makes a lot of sense, actually. You mentioned the media.
Billy is a Jets fan.

Speaker 1 He wrote a report that basically Jets fans or Jets quarterbacks struggle because of the New York media. So

Speaker 1 do you feel like his report is founded in fact at all?

Speaker 6 You're saying the Jets struggle because of the New York

Speaker 4 specifically. Quarterbacks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the media basically takes him down.

Speaker 6 No. Okay.
No.

Speaker 1 So Billy just wasted all that time for nothing.

Speaker 6 No, I mean, I think you could, you know, have a case for it, for sure.

Speaker 6 Personally, you know, living through it, I don't think so. Yeah.

Speaker 6 You know, I think there's a lot of, you know.

Speaker 6 There's a lot of different situations where maybe they make something bigger than it is.

Speaker 6 And now whether

Speaker 6 you have a great, an organization that allows that to kind of creep into the locker room or not, that's a different story.

Speaker 6 But I think it's about

Speaker 6 having that culture where that won't happen

Speaker 6 and having a quarterback with a good head on his shoulders that is just going to continue to...

Speaker 6 play it play after play and game after game because at the end of the day, like it's hard to win in the NFL.

Speaker 6 And if you make the biggest thing out of every single loss,

Speaker 6 it's going to be hard to have success that way.

Speaker 1 Did you ever get an apology for the seeing ghost clips? Because

Speaker 1 you got fucked. You got fucked.
Yeah, ESPN. Yeah, they did.

Speaker 1 You got done dirty big time.

Speaker 6 No, you know how many clicks they got for that?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but that's the thing. It's like they could take something from every single game if they're doing a microscope.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, right.

Speaker 4 And they could choose to paint somebody in whatever light they want to after game. Well, all the stuff that goes on, you know, in between plays, they can find a clip, put it out there.

Speaker 4 But for whatever reason, they just chose you. And they're like, okay, we'll put this out for him.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I mean, you know, it is what it is, man.

Speaker 1 Like, it's just they screwed you, they also screwed you with the monographic. Yeah, that was funny.
That was kind of funny. That was fun, it was very funny,

Speaker 1 but it was like they basically were like, Here's a meme for the internet. I was like

Speaker 6 the sickest I've ever been, like, on my deathbed, it felt like obviously, I wasn't, but I was laying in bed watching the game, and that comes up,

Speaker 1 like my phone just blew up, all my friends just like all caps, ha ha ha, crying, laughing face like

Speaker 6 and then of course like i'm sick so i'm kind of laughing but i'm also like this is just stupid this is and then another thing to maybe his point uh just another thing that i had to deal with in the media yeah you know um but no i thought it was more especially after a couple days went by i thought it was more funny okay

Speaker 1 that's a good attitude mononucleosis yeah i mean that was

Speaker 1 you probably were like man like in training camp when they made me point to the camera i never thought it would be for mononucleosis

Speaker 1 Six touchdowns. Yeah.

Speaker 6 I remember actually doing that. It was like that.

Speaker 1 We drew it to the camera. Yeah.
There we go.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 then that's going to be a meme now, which is great.

Speaker 6 No, but I just, I remember when I did that stupid thing, whatever it was, OTAs or training camp, I was like.

Speaker 6 I was like, this is going to be used, whatever reason this is going to be used for,

Speaker 6 it's not going to be like, no good is going to come out of this for me. And then it was the worst case scenario.
And so from that moment on,

Speaker 6 I think I've done a lot better job of in those media days, just being like, hey, like, I'm going to pass on that.

Speaker 6 You know, like, hey, give me, give me your touchdown celebration. I'm like, I'm good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, why?

Speaker 6 I'll just sit here. You guys can take a headshot of me and then I'll bounce.

Speaker 1 Thanks. Yeah, you need to be like, touchdown celebration.
Just hand me a clipboard. I'm back to the next play.
Literally, just. Yeah.

Speaker 4 That could happen to anybody, too. Like, anytime you use a water fountain, you could get mono.

Speaker 1 Have you done like a mono awareness campaign?

Speaker 6 Well, the toughest thing, I know, you know,

Speaker 6 she, my mom was the one who was kind of who brought it up and like, you know, you could have got it anyway, right?

Speaker 6 You need, you could have got it from sharing a bottle with one of your teammates on accident.

Speaker 1 That's such a mom thing to say. You're such a nice guy, yeah.

Speaker 4 I was like, mom, did you, you don't even have to bring this up.

Speaker 6 But I think for her, it was more just like, you know, a couple minutes went by and not talking in the car, and my mom can talk. So it was like, she had to say something, and that was going to be it.

Speaker 6 And uh, so she brought it up, and I was like, Yeah, you know, it could have been anything, but who knows?

Speaker 1 It also sucks because mono is like a real thing that, like you said, you were really, really sick.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, but everyone just thinks of it as like the high school kissing disease, so it's like a joke, but it's not.

Speaker 6 Well, I had to, yeah, 100%. Like, I shouldn't have got it at 22 for sure.
Um,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 6 yeah, like I had to keep on weight however I could, like, I was dropping LBs like crazy.

Speaker 1 You want to kiss after this? Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah. I mean, I don't think that's how it works, but sure.

Speaker 6 No, but it was, it sucked. I mean, I was, I was dropping a ton of weight and they're like, you literally just, the doctors were like, you got to keep on weight however you can.

Speaker 6 So I was eating burgers, fry, like, I was eating five guys a ton because nothing really sounded good. Right.

Speaker 6 I was drinking a ton of milkshakes, not milkshakes, protein shakes, and maybe milkshakes. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 from five guys. But

Speaker 6 yeah, no, it was just brutal. Cause it was like, I was, you know, I ended up keeping my weight on.
I was like 220, 225, but it was just not good.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 6 Right. And then I came back that season and, you know, I just didn't feel great the rest of the year.
And it was just kind of brutal, honestly.

Speaker 4 How did you find out that you had it?

Speaker 4 Like for a while where you just like, I'm tired.

Speaker 4 I'm out of shape. Did you think that it was just like your body being out of shape?

Speaker 6 No, so it's actually crazy. So week one, we played Buffalo

Speaker 6 in New York, and I wake up that Sunday, and that's when I first felt sick and played the game,

Speaker 6 played decent, didn't play great, but we had a chance to win. Josh ended up driving it down and beating us.

Speaker 6 You know, I just remember after the game sitting in my apartment like, dang, I don't feel right. And

Speaker 6 went in that next day on Monday and felt sick as a dog and thought maybe, you know, got some medicine, did whatever I needed to do with doctors and went home that next day, woke up Tuesday, and I was just like, something's wrong with me.

Speaker 6 So they were like, all right, let's go get your blood work done and just rule out mono. That's how they said it.

Speaker 6 Let's rule out mono. And sure enough, got it back and

Speaker 6 got the phone call from Gase. Yeah.
He's like, yeah, you're going to be out for a few weeks.

Speaker 1 Then when you come back, hyperdrive. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 6 No, it was brutal.

Speaker 1 This is such a funny, it's so funny whenever we talk to athletes and like the things we remember versus like your job being like, what about hyperdrive? And you're like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hyperdrive never.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You just said it to the media.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 I think this might be the first time I'm hearing about it. Maybe the second.
Obviously.

Speaker 1 So that was so hot. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you weren't in hyperdrive. Yeah.
I wasn't. He didn't prepare his team for hyperdrive.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 I mean, I remember, you know, having a conversation about, you know, going more to our basic stuff and going a little bit more high tempo. Maybe that's what he meant by that.

Speaker 1 he needs to clearly say hyperdrive. I don't know.
Activated.

Speaker 4 There's a button that every coach has. Yeah.
And he pushed it. You didn't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you think you got your swagger back a little bit? Because I do.

Speaker 1 I think it was somewhere around week 14, 15 last year where I was like, I'm believing in Sam Darnold.

Speaker 1 I said that on the show. I was like, I think I'm ready.
Let's go.

Speaker 6 Yeah. I mean, you know, I think.

Speaker 6 I think for sure, you know, being in Carolina, I think just getting away from New York and

Speaker 6 going into Carolina, you you know, having, honestly, you know, 2021, two years ago, I had a good start to the season

Speaker 6 and then middle

Speaker 6 hit a lull.

Speaker 6 But I felt, you know, just that first little start to Carolina, that 2021 season, I felt really good and then got hurt and some things happened and the whole season kind of fell apart. But

Speaker 6 and then, you know, I was ready to go. I really liked, we hired McAdoo at the end of 2021.
Yeah. And I was really pumped up about being in his system because it was West Coast-ish

Speaker 6 and I hadn't really been in a West Coast system since my rookie year.

Speaker 6 And so I was just really excited to learn his system. And once I got it in OTAs and we kind of ran it,

Speaker 6 I was really pumped. You know, we were doing a lot of on-the-ball stuff, kind of

Speaker 6 what Eli was doing when McAdoo was the OC, I think, in New York, when they had a couple good years

Speaker 6 with OBJ making the one-handed catch and stuff.

Speaker 6 That was McAdoo calm plays, and they were going no huddle. So I was excited about that.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 6 yeah, so I was excited. And then Baker gets traded there.
And

Speaker 6 I end up

Speaker 6 hurting my ankle, grade three ankle sprain.

Speaker 6 the last preseason game against Buffalo.

Speaker 6 Josh is really bad luck, actually. I just know that.

Speaker 6 No, but so hurt my ankle, and then I was, I like, couldn't do anything for like eight weeks.

Speaker 6 And then came back later in the season and felt good, man. You know,

Speaker 6 I felt really good running that system. And, you know, kind of like I said in the beginning, we had a really good run game.
And I felt like that really helped.

Speaker 1 You guys were winning games, too.

Speaker 6 We were winning games. And, you know,

Speaker 6 Tampa wasn't doing very well, so we had a chance at the end.

Speaker 6 You know, I think we were up 24 to 10 going in the fourth quarter against Tampa. And if we beat them and then beat New Orleans week 18, we would have gone to the playoffs.
Right.

Speaker 6 It was Mike out. It would have been crazy.
And I probably would still be in Carolina if that happened.

Speaker 6 And then, sure enough, Mike and Tom go off in the fourth quarter. And, you know, that was kind of it for our season.

Speaker 4 Yeah. About Mackenude, does he maintain the same look all year round? Or does he come in with his hair slicked back occasionally?

Speaker 6 So

Speaker 6 he never fully slicked it back. He never had the palm made in.

Speaker 6 But

Speaker 6 he would work out every morning. Dude was jacked.
Like, and he's got, you know, really short arms and short legs.

Speaker 6 So he would deadlift a ton and bench press a ton at like 5.30 in the morning every morning. And he would come in some days and his back would hurt.

Speaker 6 I'm like, oh, coach, I wonder what, you know, why your back's hurting.

Speaker 6 No idea, man. Because he's probably been deadlifting four times a week.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's getting this growth hormone activity in his body.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it's like 400 pounds.

Speaker 6 Jesus. But no, he's a beast.

Speaker 6 So, but he would come in and he would, he would have just showered, so it would be slick back sometimes, but he didn't put anything in it, so it would just fall apart by the, you know, halfway through the meeting.

Speaker 6 But,

Speaker 6 no, McAdoo's a stub man. He's a good dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he wears his dad's suits, which is cool. Yeah, does he?

Speaker 1 Well, his press conference when he was the Giants head coach, he was wearing a suit that was like five times too big, and it was just a very funny visual.

Speaker 6 Yeah, no, getting to know the guy over this past year,

Speaker 1 he's not a suit guy. Yeah, not a suit guy, right? There's some football guys, it's like, whatever you want to do, like, if you put them in a suit, they're going to look weird.

Speaker 6 Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 1 He's definitely that.

Speaker 1 What about other football coach, Greg Williams? Is he zero blitzing you in practice all the time?

Speaker 6 Yeah, you know, he would go off script a couple times, you know, because him and Gase, you know, would go at it, you know, in training camp, just trying to, you know, mix it up on each other.

Speaker 6 Because obviously, Gace, being the head coach, he would kind of, you know, script some things during practice to get the right look and get, you know, get it dialed in. And so

Speaker 6 whenever Gace would highlight whatever, you know, run cover three or cover two here. And sometimes Greg would just, you know, kind of fuck with him every now and then and,

Speaker 6 you know, go cover zero on the play where we wanted to get a good play action, fake, go over the top, and get a nice little high-low read on a backer. And he would bring zero.

Speaker 1 He was just like, dude,

Speaker 6 in the game, it's like, you know, second and six, and we're going to run a play action, try to go over the top. Like, you're not going to run cover zero, Greg.
That's definitely not.

Speaker 1 No, he would. He probably would.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he did it.

Speaker 6 Last play of the season, or last play of the game against the Raiders,

Speaker 6 which wasn't great.

Speaker 1 No, that was not great.

Speaker 4 That's Dr. Heat.
That's what he does. That's what he does.
Yeah, you just take the good with the bad with him. He's always going to be Heat.

Speaker 6 100%. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 That's a good way to look at it. I like to play a fun game called Games That I Gambled On and Lost, but it was actually worse for you.

Speaker 1 The USC Ohio State Bowl game.

Speaker 6 Oh, taking it way back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You got sacked eight times in that game. I did bet on USC.
How much did that suck for you? It sucked for me, but how much did it suck for you?

Speaker 6 Yeah, how much did you put on it?

Speaker 1 It was a good amount. It was a good amount.
A couple grand, and USC was not. A couple grand.
Yeah, and it wasn't fun. I really believed in you, guys.

Speaker 6 Couple grand? I mean, shoot, that was probably worse for you, it sounds like. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you got sacked eight times.

Speaker 6 Getting sacked by Nick and some of those beasts that were up front at Ohio State. I don't know, but...

Speaker 6 Couple grand, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it hurt. It hurt all along.
And I was actually at my buddy's house, and he had he had just switched to streaming. So it was like, it was early streaming.

Speaker 1 So it wasn't like, it was always just a little bit behind. And so it would be like the TV would freeze and then you'd just be sacked again.
I was just like, what the fuck is happening?

Speaker 6 I'm just on the ground.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like, how did that happen? That's great. Yeah, that was one of those games that, like, you could just tell right away, like, they can't block.
And

Speaker 1 when you're in that game and you know that, you're just like, this is going to suck.

Speaker 6 Get the ball out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's when the gunsling is.

Speaker 6 That's when you just got to take your one-on-one matchup and

Speaker 6 give them a chance.

Speaker 1 But you did have a great career at USC. Was it, I mean, dumb question.
How sick was it to be the star quarterback for USC?

Speaker 6 It was fun, man. It was fun.
Yeah, just being able to, you know, I think the best thing, and a lot of people maybe don't realize this, like USC is not in a great area. It's in south central L.A.

Speaker 6 So we have like our one bar that we would go to, but everything else is we would go to frat houses. We would go to, you know, people's,

Speaker 6 you know, whatever it was, just a house. We would throw like house parties, but we weren't like out in LA.
We weren't in downtown or, you know, hitting up any of the clubs in Hollywood, you know.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 6 So that was really fun because it was a real college experience. And to,

Speaker 6 you know, be good at the same time and be winning ball games, it's pretty fun.

Speaker 1 It's like the top, like when you think of like, what would you want to be if you could pick like any position, any school, it's like star quarterbacks.

Speaker 6 I feel like this is something you guys have probably talked about.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you're up there. Like that's got to be.

Speaker 4 Kentucky Derby winning horse would be pretty good there.

Speaker 4 Your future prospects are pretty easy at that point.

Speaker 1 Like a sick point guard at UNC, maybe.

Speaker 1 That was good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, USC US startup.

Speaker 4 Is there like a group chat that you're on?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like Carson Palmer.

Speaker 6 No, but I am like pretty close with most of the guys, most of the recent quarterbacks. Yeah.

Speaker 6 And Caleb Williams is pretty damn good. Who's that? Caleb? Yeah.
He's a beast, man. He's really good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Are you worried?

Speaker 1 Are you worried, though, USC having to play in the Big Ten? You guys kind of play a pussy brand of football. That would be...
Sure.

Speaker 4 You ever been to Piscataway on a Friday night?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you want to go to play West Lafayette?

Speaker 6 I was actually thinking about, like, yeah, it's got to suck for a football team, but...

Speaker 6 I was thinking about basketball and women's volleyball, like having to travel all those games, you know, that far for that many games, I feel like that would be tough.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I'm happy USC and USLA are in the Big Ten, but it does kind of, like, I liked watching Pac-12. Like, it was fun when, you know, USC plays Arizona.

Speaker 6 Was it fun? Did you even watch the Pac-12?

Speaker 1 Yeah, all the time.

Speaker 1 Well, actually, I mean, you guys found a way to make it so that no one could watch the Pac-12, whatever his name is, Larry, whatever.

Speaker 1 Pac-12 commissioner. Yeah.
Just bad move after bad move, but I love Pac-12. Yeah.

Speaker 6 I mean, yeah, that was how I grew up watching USC, man. Yeah.
You know, but

Speaker 1 were you originally recruited to be a linebacker at USC?

Speaker 6 So I played linebacker and receiver my sophomore year of high school.

Speaker 6 But that was, you know, we had a senior quarterback who had kind of been waiting his turn to play.

Speaker 6 And I wanted to play varsity football. So the only way to get on the field was to play receiver and linebacker.

Speaker 6 True football guy. Yeah, just a, you know, ball, you know, love ball.

Speaker 6 No, but it was, it was great, man, just to have that experience. And then then

Speaker 6 there were actually some seniors that were getting recruited, some offensive linemen that were getting recruited, and Coach O, Coach O'Geron comes out there.

Speaker 6 He's got his old little, you know,

Speaker 6 camera out and

Speaker 6 like his flip camera or whatever it was. And he's like recording the guys going through bags and stuff.
And I'm like, this is literally... just like blindside.

Speaker 6 This is like them, you know, him getting recruited. And then all of a sudden, like, we start doing linebacker drills.

Speaker 6 And we didn't have a linebacker that would get recruited to usc at the time and he starts filming i'm like what the fuck is he doing and then he just starts filming me as i'm going through the bags and i'm like what the heck is going on dude um so that was that was a pretty crazy experience for for him to and then he came up to my coach afterwards i didn't say or talk to him at all um but he went up to my coach and was like hey like we think this kid has a chance like you know because i was a sophomore at the time and he saw something um but yeah that's crazy yeah that senior quarterback ended up getting hurt,

Speaker 6 broke his collarbone in like the, you know, third to last game. And so I ended up going in the last couple games, like two and a half games, and started my junior year and started my senior year.

Speaker 1 That actually shows, like, if you hadn't, if you hadn't been playing linebacker, you probably wouldn't have gotten that spot right at the end of the season to get in at quarterback.

Speaker 6 Yeah. No, 100%.

Speaker 1 You want to play varsity ball. That's awesome.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I probably would have been playing JV or something, you know, would have just been the backup.

Speaker 6 And who knows if I would have been in good enough shape to run around and do some of the things that I did at quarterback.

Speaker 4 How far do you think you could throw a football?

Speaker 1 Good question. That's a good question.
Thank you.

Speaker 6 I would say probably like 65, 70.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's pretty decent.
That's pretty far.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 What about a vortex? On a good day.

Speaker 1 How far could you throw it?

Speaker 4 You know those vortex footballs?

Speaker 1 Like the nerf. You got a big tail on them.
Like the nerf ones? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 How far do you think you could throw one of those bad boys? Probably like 120 yards. I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 120? Yeah, I bet you could. Yeah.
They got the tail.

Speaker 4 They spiral in the wind. It's the best toy ever.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 You just throw it up and it just keeps going.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's awesome.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 6 I don't know. Yeah, probably 121 yards or something like that.
All right.

Speaker 1 What about, well, Josh, you're good friends with Josh, our best friend,

Speaker 1 when he lets it rip.

Speaker 6 I was actually texting him before this.

Speaker 1 Did you give you any guys?

Speaker 6 Yeah, he didn't tell me to say hi to you guys or anything.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's funny. He probably, because we probably, we call him every morning.
So he probably was like, we already said hi. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Well, you you got a new phone. Did you?

Speaker 1 He got a new phone. He had a new phone a while ago.
Yeah. I have that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's Josh Allen new in our phone.

Speaker 1 You don't know.

Speaker 4 Sometimes I call the old one too, just for fun, for nostalgia.

Speaker 1 You don't think we have Josh Allen's phone number?

Speaker 6 Oh, are we doing it? No,

Speaker 1 no, I have new. Oh, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You made me like doing double take. I'm like, wait, the fuck.

Speaker 1 Josh said hi.

Speaker 4 I have a serious question, if that's okay.

Speaker 6 It's okay. Your grandfather.
That's fine.

Speaker 4 Yep. Your grandfather has the best name of all time, or had the best name of all time, respectfully.
Yeah. Dick Hammer.
Yep. When did you first realize what an awesome name that was?

Speaker 1 Probably

Speaker 6 high school. Yeah.
Sophomore junior year of high school. Yep.
I don't even know, you know, I didn't even really put it together until then, to be honest. He was just Grampsy to me.

Speaker 1 But yeah.

Speaker 6 Pretty epic name, you know, his story too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was a legend, right? Yeah.

Speaker 6 One of the four original Marlboro men uh

Speaker 6 he was um captain of a you know firefighting squad in la

Speaker 6 um he went to the 1964 olympics played volleyball

Speaker 6 um

Speaker 6 uh played volleyball and basketball at usc as well um

Speaker 1 he's like a true american hero he's a man's man yeah he i didn't even know him too he he died in 99 so i don't even know if he's if it's real you know to be honest but no it's it's very i never heard the stories from him yeah it's very real and his name is Dick Hammer on top of all that.

Speaker 1 What a bad unbelievable. Yeah, unbelievable.
That's got to give you tons of street cred. Dick Hammer.

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Speaker 1 All right, so Sam, this has been awesome. You're here at Tight End U.

Speaker 1 Are you the only quarterback here? No. Okay.
There's other others. There's a few others.

Speaker 1 But you got to be like, everyone's got to kind of love you around here because it's a bunch of tight ends and you get to get them the ball. Yeah, exactly.
Right. So what?

Speaker 6 Feed all of them for the next couple of days.

Speaker 1 Are you learning stuff here too? Or like, how does it, are you just like throw the ball, throw the ball? Of course.

Speaker 6 Yeah, no, just to be able to hear these guys because like we spend so much time in the quarterback room, obviously.

Speaker 6 And with the offense, we're not usually, you know, with the tight ends talking about technique or how they're going to separate one-on-one.

Speaker 6 Or, you know, if it's zone and you got a, you know, a little, you know, in-cut, like if you, if they want to throttle down or anything like that.

Speaker 6 So, like, to be able to hear them kind of talk about football that way is going to be really cool for me, you know, to be able to be able to hear that and hear what they're thinking a little bit.

Speaker 4 What about getting you out running a few routes? I saw that Thursday night game. I remember how fast routes?

Speaker 1 Routes. Routes.

Speaker 1 I saw Sam's face. He's like, Yeah, I was

Speaker 1 I remember how fast you are.

Speaker 6 I mean, you can say it however you want.

Speaker 1 You're a great root runner. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I love watching your roots.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I remember

Speaker 4 you're sneaky fast.

Speaker 6 Yeah. I'm probably won't be running any routes or roots.

Speaker 6 Yeah, definitely won't be running any roots.

Speaker 6 But no. Probably not going to run any routes.
Just slay it. You're back.
I might. Who knows? Yeah.
You're back.

Speaker 1 Are you back? I'm back in on Sam Jarnold. I think you're back.
100%.

Speaker 6 Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you guys want to say that, sure.

Speaker 1 No, I'm saying that.

Speaker 6 I'm not going to be a little headline.

Speaker 1 Okay, Sam Darnold's back. Put it, I said it.
Big cat. Big Cat said it.

Speaker 4 How about this?

Speaker 4 Are you feeling the healthiest that you have in years?

Speaker 6 I feel really good. There we go.

Speaker 6 I feel really good, healthy, ready to roll.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.

Speaker 4 That's a good headline right there. I always love that.
Healthiest I felt in years.

Speaker 1 Do you feel a little bit bad you didn't get the ball faster against Ohio State? Just a little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 6 That one sucks. Not as bad as he.

Speaker 1 All right, Sam. Thanks so much.
Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys.

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Speaker 1 Okay, Mount Rushmore time. I am very excited for this Mount Rushmore.

Speaker 4 It's a good Mount Rushmore. There's a lot of meat on this bone.

Speaker 1 It is a good Mount Rushmore. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of best pisses.

Speaker 4 How many times do you think you've pissed in your life?

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 4 Like five a day? I'm like eight a day.

Speaker 1 Ten a day. Body armor water.
Ten a day?

Speaker 5 That's a callback to the beers when everyone thought I meant that meant I drank 10 beers a day.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I think just off the top of my head, I'd say 10 million peas. Yeah.
I've probably pissed 10 million times.

Speaker 1 That's been a lot. That was actually.
That would have been a good stat. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That was actually funny before we started this one.

Speaker 1 Longest piss in your life. Oh.
Ooh. We said we're going to do the Mount Rushmore peas in Hank.
I think for a second was like, you mean mean like green peas? No, like the letter like black-eyed peas.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I thought it was like things with the letter P.

Speaker 4 I have a crazy piss stat.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 Every single water molecule on Earth has passed through a dinosaur's piss.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's so true.

Speaker 4 That's right. It's like that stat where it's like,

Speaker 4 every time you take a piss, you're pissing out Hitler's blood.

Speaker 1 Yeah. How is that possible, Billy?

Speaker 4 I just saw it. Okay, so it's not.
So you've been Googling?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 You Googled best pisses. No, no, no.
I want to know what videos those turned up.

Speaker 1 No, I haven't been Googling.

Speaker 4 I just remembered. I just remember that stat.

Speaker 1 How is that possible, though? There was water on the water.

Speaker 4 Because it's been millions of billions of years where dinosaurs were alive and they drank so much water during that time that it passed through.

Speaker 1 They drank all the water?

Speaker 4 They at least at least passed through one dinosaur system.

Speaker 1 All the water on Earth was drank by at least one dinosaur? Yes.

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 1 That

Speaker 1 it's insane. I saw it.
Yeah. Yeah, it is insane.
Let me

Speaker 1 figure that out.

Speaker 4 That seems like one of those Neil deGrasse Tyson stats that he's just

Speaker 4 marched out of his brain.

Speaker 4 Yeah, they're not drinking salt water, right?

Speaker 1 I guess, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hank and Max.
Yeah, he confirmed. He Googled the exact thing and it came up.

Speaker 1 Hank and Max. No, we're first.

Speaker 1 Billy and

Speaker 1 Jake. That's correct, right? Billy and Jake, yes.
Whatever you say, Jake. Billy and Jake, Hank and Max, me and PFT.
Okay. Here we go.

Speaker 4 1-1. Billy and I agreed on this.

Speaker 1 It's rare.

Speaker 4 The drunk at the bar, piss.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
All right. Good, good.

Speaker 1 Waiting in line, long line, crowded bar.

Speaker 4 You've had a couple beers. That graphic says drunk at the bar, piss.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Not waiting in line, piss.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh.
Yeah, that's drunk at the bar piss. That's drunk at the bar, piss.

Speaker 4 Being drunk at a bar and taking a piss.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think. I still feel confident in it.
I'll say this, not to denigrate. We're not denigrating.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. We're not denigrating picks.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 we didn't have that on our list. No way.

Speaker 1 No way. You're lying.

Speaker 1 You're lying. No, we did not.
We didn't have it on our list. We have 14 deep lists.
We did not have that on our list. They're not the ones voting.

Speaker 4 It's a good pick.

Speaker 1 It's a pick. It's great.

Speaker 4 I'm actually surprised. We've had some bad picks.

Speaker 1 I didn't think this is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you guys.

Speaker 1 Great pickup.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 5 We are going to go with piss after a long Uber ride.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's a good one.

Speaker 5 So you're stuck in an Uber for a long time. You're trying not to pull over.
You're trying not to throw up. You're trying not to piss.
You think you're like, oh, I can hold it. And then

Speaker 5 you're just basically

Speaker 5 sitting with your legs crossed for 20 minutes.

Speaker 4 It is good. And you're wondering the whole time, am I going to make it?

Speaker 5 Because if you're in your friend's car, you're just like pissing in a cup or pissing whatever you're pulling over. But if you're in an Uber, you just have to wait.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's a good pick, Big Kat. I think we go with number two on this list.

Speaker 1 I think we go one, two.

Speaker 1 We got two picks. All right, you go one, I'll go two.
All right, our first pick is going to be after a movie piss. The best piss.
You know, you get that big, the big soda. You don't want to get up.

Speaker 1 You don't go take a piss after getting out of a movie theater?

Speaker 5 I peek during movies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I pee during movies. I never peek during movies.

Speaker 4 You know how big those sodas are in a movie?

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 oh, that's crazy.

Speaker 5 No, because if you're the best pisses, and I'm not going to denigrate, but the best pisses are when you can't control the situation.

Speaker 1 Right, like leaving a movie to miss the plot.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you can leave a movie. No, you can't.
No problem. That's crazy.

Speaker 5 That's crazy.

Speaker 4 How many times do you watch movies and you're looking at your phone and then you look back and you're like, oh, shit, that's the same thing.

Speaker 1 That's the same thing.

Speaker 1 You stop paying attention to the movie. You go into the movie theater and you don't.
Same thing. No, I'm going to quit phone to win a movie theater.

Speaker 1 And then when you drink your entire soda, have your popcorn, you walk out. It feels great.

Speaker 1 It is a piss.

Speaker 1 You guys pissed through movies? That's crazy. That's not on our list.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 This one is

Speaker 4 insane that you guys didn't take this already. Peeing in the snow.
Pissing in the snow, writing your name in the snow,

Speaker 4 watching it melt. You find a little piece of ice.
You melt it.

Speaker 1 Only dogs do that.

Speaker 4 Only dogs do that?

Speaker 1 I've never done that. Okay.

Speaker 1 I grew up in Florida. I grew up in Florida.
I didn't know that was a thing for you. It was such a great feeling.

Speaker 5 Peeing in the snow was on our list. It's even better when it's really cold and your piss looks like it's like heating up.

Speaker 4 I actually used to commit graffiti around campus by peeing my name into snow banks, and it got to the point where i got in trouble for it and i have multiple pictures of my name in actually i shouldn't say this how'd they know it was you they wrote my name oh

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 4 that sounds badass wasn't it just wasn't it you just writing the college's name well it was so goddamn cold that it just stayed frozen got it all right our second pick is going to be

Speaker 5 In Your Pants in a Bathroom with Mark Schlareth.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. All right.

Speaker 4 Oh. Little pander pick.

Speaker 1 Great piss.

Speaker 5 Piss dogs. Yep.
Okay. Very fun.
Very funny. No, it's funny.
All-time piss.

Speaker 1 Pandering pick. So this is our 253.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 253. You went hard on the pander on round?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Great.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 To wrap up the second round, we're going to do the piss that passes the drug test.

Speaker 1 That is a good pick. Okay, that's a good pick.
Good pick.

Speaker 4 That's a good pick.

Speaker 1 That was all Millie. That was all.

Speaker 1 Good pick. Billy, why would you pick that? That's a good pick.

Speaker 1 That's a good second.

Speaker 1 Okay, good pick. Good pick.

Speaker 4 And we're going to go with our, yeah, number three.

Speaker 1 Right there. Just read it.
I know. He doesn't want to read it.
I do want to read it.

Speaker 4 He looked away from it when you pointed at it.

Speaker 4 Pissed during a long road trip.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay. But is that

Speaker 1 in the car or

Speaker 1 out?

Speaker 1 There's two different things.

Speaker 4 Like at a rest stop.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
Okay. Or like what do you guys want us to write on the graph? No, no, no.
No, no, that's fine. It's a rest stop.

Speaker 4 We're talking about our five.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Rest stop picks.
It's rest stop piss.

Speaker 4 That's fine. Okay, so the piss at a rest stop.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 4 Road trip. We'd like it road trip.
Road trip rest stop piss.

Speaker 1 Yeah. This is

Speaker 4 just the worst version of ours, but okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Not really.
Yeah, no, you guys are long. You're not doing Uber.
You're just a long car ride.

Speaker 4 No, but you stop. You take a break.

Speaker 1 Have you ever driven for like a year?

Speaker 4 No, you guys love taking different variations of our picks.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 An Uber only cops like 40 minutes. Max Stefan didn't agree.
A road trip piss is like three hours. You just did a pick of a moment that you were hitting like 183 at Hofstra when it happened.
Well,

Speaker 1 I didn't make that pick. Okay.

Speaker 1 I hit 213.

Speaker 1 Sorry, that was mean. Because that is sick that you actually played college baseball.
Three home rounds. Like, yo, I'm being honest.
That's sick.

Speaker 1 Now you're pandering. No, I'm not.
No, I'm not.

Speaker 1 What do you call yourself?

Speaker 4 The Matt Stairs of the CAA.

Speaker 1 rules.

Speaker 5 Yeah, hate pandering.

Speaker 5 Pander picks a whack. Our next pick is going to be in the serious studio, standing next to Ed Sheeran.

Speaker 4 Okay, very good.

Speaker 1 So basically,

Speaker 4 you guys just want to be us.

Speaker 1 You're stealing our lives. This is like when Jay Peterman took a picture of the family.
I mean, that's the most talked about piss in the history of this podcast.

Speaker 1 You know, you guys are trying to get everyone to vote for us.

Speaker 4 Those are iconic pisses.

Speaker 1 Those are some of the best pisses I could ever think of.

Speaker 4 They were good pisses. They were were both good pisses, but not your stories.
Yeah. Not your circuit, not your monkey.

Speaker 5 You guys, one of them is a video. Everyone's seen it.
Everyone loves pissed dogs. And one of them you've talked about every other podcast for seven years.
So

Speaker 1 whatever this is. Iconic pisses.
Okay, fine. All right.
PFTC. We have our whole board stuff.

Speaker 4 Stop sweating us so hard.

Speaker 4 You guys sweat us. You know that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you do.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll go one and then you just pick whatever you want because I love our whole list. Okay.

Speaker 1 This one shouldn't have lasted this long either. The shower piss.
Yep. The shower piss is elite.
Hank and I had a debate about this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not a shower piss guy. I was like, what? What?

Speaker 1 How do you clean your feet? What do you fucking mean?

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 4 I'm down to go against my partner here. We were outside, and I was like,

Speaker 1 wait a minute, I don't know what to do. He said, how do you clean your feet?

Speaker 1 That's hilarious. That's how you supposed to get all the fungus in it.

Speaker 4 And I was like, oh, shower piss, shower piss. He's like, what?

Speaker 1 I'm like, what do you mean? Hey, Eddie,

Speaker 1 what are you talking about? Shower pisses are so gross. How can you not pee in the shower? It's like automatic that I pee in the shower.
I'll hold a piss to go in the shower.

Speaker 4 For sure. The water hits you.

Speaker 4 Even if you just pissed, you have to pee again in the shower.

Speaker 1 It's also kind of badass when you're like a little dehydrated and your piss is like yellow in the shower. It's like cool different colors.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Moise salou used to piss on his own hands.

Speaker 1 That's tough.

Speaker 4 I shit before shower.

Speaker 1 Piss during. Yeah.
Shit before shower, piss during shower.

Speaker 4 If you like doing that, take B vitamins, then your piss turns a last one on our list.

Speaker 1 That one might be just an honorable mention, but okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can't believe you don't pee in the shower. So, PFT, if you want to do the last one, I like it, but

Speaker 1 I also think 6-7 is

Speaker 4 6-7 is good. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Sorry, not the last one, second to last one.

Speaker 1 Let me see, let me see, let me see.

Speaker 4 Okay, yeah, I think that's a good one.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 Our last pick, we're going to take peeing onto a smoldering fire.

Speaker 4 A fire that's going out, putting out the fire. So putting out your fire piss.

Speaker 5 That's a great pick.

Speaker 1 I know you know that rules, Billy. You can't fight against it because you love it.
One of the first.

Speaker 4 You've got your own fire hose.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just been like, oh, I'll put it out.
Oh, it's so cool. It is good.

Speaker 4 One of the first memes I ever saw was like... A kid pissing with like your favorite team and then pissing on his rivals logos.

Speaker 1 Have you guys seen that one? Calvin. I'm talking about Calvin.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Calvin and Hawes. I have a question.

Speaker 4 I've never done that. I think it sounds sick.

Speaker 1 What does that, what does like a hot piss like that smell like? It doesn't. You're outside, so it doesn't really matter.
It smells like burnt. Yeah, it smells great.
Yeah, no, exactly what it does.

Speaker 1 It's the end of the fire. Calvin and Hawk.
But it is

Speaker 1 an awesome awesome.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, I can see that being sick.

Speaker 1 It smells like masculinity. Calvin and Hawaii.
It's sizzled.

Speaker 4 Especially if it's at night. Yeah, it sounds like you would say it sounds like Fajita's.

Speaker 5 Yeah, and it's like fire smoke.

Speaker 1 It smells great.

Speaker 1 That sounds good.

Speaker 5 That was a good pick. We are going to go with our last pick in the ocean.

Speaker 1 Okay, good pick.

Speaker 1 We were debating that.

Speaker 4 We thought about that.

Speaker 4 We did shower piss. We think that's a better piss, so we don't want to do two water.

Speaker 5 No, again, again, we're talking about all of your guys' pisses are very controllable. Like, you piss in the shower, you could piss in the toilet.

Speaker 1 You wait. What is that? But you're making it easier.

Speaker 5 Peeing in the ocean, you're at the beach. You don't have an option.
You can walk a million miles in the sand to go to a porta potty, or you can just go in the ocean.

Speaker 1 No one says you're a bad piss. Yeah, but you're confusing something right now.
You're basically saying it can only be a piss that you really have to do.

Speaker 5 Those are the best ones.

Speaker 1 Okay, so explain to me peeing with Mark Schlerth.

Speaker 5 You had to go.

Speaker 1 Everyone had to go.

Speaker 1 I was standing literally next to a toilet. I could have peed in the toilet.
But the video was. We were in the bathroom.

Speaker 5 It wouldn't have made the list if you would just go.

Speaker 1 That's a lot closer than getting up and getting up to the toilet.

Speaker 5 It would be a lot less iconic if you just pissed for the toilet.

Speaker 1 There's some holes in your arguments.

Speaker 1 Not to denigrate. Nope.

Speaker 1 It's just.

Speaker 4 I feel bad for women that they don't get to do most of these.

Speaker 1 All of these are just dudes rock.

Speaker 4 I mean, ocean, shower, probably.

Speaker 1 They do those.

Speaker 4 But it'd be very dangerous for a woman to put out a fire with her piss.

Speaker 1 Wait, how could they do it in the shower? It just goes down their leg. Yeah.
I just feel kind of straddled.

Speaker 1 Just open up a little bit. They just squat over the top of the bottom.
No, I think they just

Speaker 1 stand. Yeah.

Speaker 4 It just falls out. Whenever a woman stands up, all her piss falls out of her vagina.

Speaker 1 Maybe this is why women go to the bathroom together, because they don't get any other good pisses. Yeah.
So they just hang out. Girls would be girls.

Speaker 4 Or they have to, like, hold them above the toilet.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Last pick. Some great.

Speaker 4 We have our top four.

Speaker 1 We agreed on it. Wait, wait, but you that means nothing.
Yeah. You and us.

Speaker 4 Because this one I thought was going to go. This one I thought was going to go so much earlier.
That's why I didn't bring it, didn't put it higher.

Speaker 1 This one is so really

Speaker 1 no, no, no.

Speaker 4 You guys get two. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Remember?

Speaker 1 Anyway, give us a shot.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 Pissing to get out of class.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Puerto Ro bano. Everyone's done that.
You get the bathroom pass, wait for 10 to 15 minutes. That's like you just

Speaker 1 break. Sometimes it is.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 but everyone's done it. It's relatable.
Okay.

Speaker 4 Which is why

Speaker 4 the middle of the night piss.

Speaker 1 Okay, we're going with Jake's pick.

Speaker 4 What? The cousin of the middle of the night drink.

Speaker 1 The middle of the night piss is more annoying. It's not really enjoyable.
When you wake up, you're like, oh, I have to get out of the house. Yeah, you're like, I have to piss.

Speaker 4 This sucks. You try to click on it.

Speaker 1 Getting out of class, it's like you can go up 15 minutes for peeing for 30 seconds. You feel like a bitch when you have to piss in the middle of the night.

Speaker 4 No, but then you wake up and you're like, oh, it's 3 a.m. I can sleep for another like three to

Speaker 1 six hours. Yes.
And you're like, but I'm usually mad at myself when I have to piss in the middle of the night.

Speaker 4 You're mad that you have to get up and then you try to will yourself to go back to sleep and then you realize this is going to get worse before it gets better. Right.

Speaker 4 No, but then you like check the perimeter.

Speaker 1 I like the class one.

Speaker 1 I mean, everyone did.

Speaker 4 Like, oh, can I use the bathroom? Yeah. And you're not going to the bathroom, but sometimes you are.
Oh, we left a good one on the board.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 honorable mentions

Speaker 4 wiping off the stains on a toilet bowl with your piss.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 Like cleaning up the toilet with your pee. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This one is just a personal one, but the sink piss is elite.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to say that. Yeah.
Well, I mean, I understand that I'm in a minority here. Like, you know, I'm a persecuted class when it comes to the sink piss, but it is awesome.

Speaker 5 Pissing in your side yard when you...

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like pissing, like if you have a side yard, like coming home and not even pissing outside before you get in. Like during a pool party, you don't want to go inside.
You're all muddy and dirty.

Speaker 1 One of our picks, and I don't want to hear anyone who disagrees with this, but I piss in every pool I've ever been in. Yep, 100%.
Yep, really. Yes, all the time.
Jake, friends, no,

Speaker 1 yes. Every pool I've ever been in in my entire life.
Every pool. I've pissed.

Speaker 4 It's one thing if it's like a public pool, like a water park.

Speaker 1 No, they don't say on their own friends.

Speaker 4 It's already filled with dinosaur piss. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a hot tub. What's your thing? No, I piss in hot tubs.
No. Yeah, fuck that.
No, you don't piss in hot tubs.

Speaker 1 I do, Billy. No, that's

Speaker 4 the dilution is not there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do, Billy.

Speaker 4 I feel a little bit worse about doing it, but

Speaker 1 it's also so hot it makes you piss.

Speaker 4 Sometimes I will get up, but I'm not going to

Speaker 4 say that I've never done it.

Speaker 4 I pee in hot tubs, I'd say 60% of the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hot tubs are not.

Speaker 4 Now, I will make an effort to get if there's an acceptable place to pee that's nearby where I don't have to go inside. Correct.

Speaker 1 I will use that. Correct.

Speaker 4 This is respectful. And you know what?

Speaker 4 Here's my difference, actually.

Speaker 4 I don't think I ever pee in an indoor hot tub.

Speaker 1 Okay, I can see how that makes sense. It feels a little grosser.
Yeah, it's the ground. Yeah, I'm about that 50-60% hot tubs, 101% in pools.
Like,

Speaker 1 I will stand not even getting in the pool and pissing the pool. Dude, hot tubs.
That's how much I like pissing in pools.

Speaker 4 The thing is, hot tubs will turn a different color if like if you have a ton of stuff.

Speaker 1 That's why

Speaker 1 that's not true.

Speaker 4 That die does not exist.

Speaker 1 I pissed in a hot tub like last week.

Speaker 4 When you listen to this, you guys have all seen the dirty hot tubs. Tweet them at Big Cat PFT.
Okay, cool.

Speaker 1 Well, I go and clean hot tubs and then I make them dirty.

Speaker 4 Here's the thing is, we are just saying what people are too afraid to admit. Correct.
And in fact, I think Billy peeves in hot tubs. Yeah, he definitely does.

Speaker 1 I think Billy's pillows.

Speaker 4 Well, that's why I look at them and they're like, oh, it's dirty. Yeah, so you do pee in hot tubs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you do. But I try not to.

Speaker 1 This is my point.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I don't go out of my way to pee in a hot tub, but you still soil hot tubs. Presents itself to me.
When the situation is in the hot tub, this is my point with pools.

Speaker 1 There's two types of people in in the world: people who piss in pools and liars. That's it.

Speaker 1 Jake, I don't want to

Speaker 1 mutant. I'm not.
Okay, but you agree. I'm not in those categories.
Yeah, you're mutant.

Speaker 4 You've never done it, Jake?

Speaker 1 No, you did lie about your hole in one.

Speaker 1 Besides that. Yes.

Speaker 4 Jake, you've never done it.

Speaker 4 Have I peed in a pool before? Ever. I don't think so, no.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 Definitely in the ocean. You know, every swimmer does it.
I love

Speaker 4 it.

Speaker 1 Yes. Like the Olympic size.

Speaker 4 Yes. Oh, definitely.
Every swimmer.

Speaker 1 It's the best.

Speaker 1 Also, after an airplane ride, I know you can piss on an airplane, but I mean, there's a reason why the urinals are packed right outside of a gate.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I had that on the if you're after an airplane ride when you're on the window.
Yeah. Because you don't want to get up.

Speaker 4 You also said that pissing on an airplane is probably Mount Rushmore of worse.

Speaker 1 It's bad piss. Yeah, that pussy is.

Speaker 4 It's just being in that bathroom.

Speaker 1 Same with classes.

Speaker 1 Buses is worse. Buses actually.
Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Pissing in a bottle on a road trip and not having to stop.

Speaker 1 We had pissing in a bottle. Elite.

Speaker 4 Peeing off of any elevated surface. Yep.
And then watching it fall down.

Speaker 1 Watching it fall down.

Speaker 4 That's fun. I had a dog pissing on a fire hydrant.
Just a classic of hilarious.

Speaker 1 Hilarious.

Speaker 4 Any long line, like at a sporting event? It's like 15, 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that kind of sucks. That's what I guys wanted to say for you guys.

Speaker 4 The moment you got to the front.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, that's good.

Speaker 1 Pissing in between cars at a football tailgate, also awesome.

Speaker 4 Open up the doors. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you're just like, because you've been drinking and you're just like, I need to piss. Just stand there.

Speaker 4 Pissing between subway cars.

Speaker 1 They haven't done that. Exhilarating.
Alley pisses. That sounds awful.
Alley pisses are great. That's a great piss.

Speaker 4 Port-a-pot is one of the worst.

Speaker 1 You find a nice dumpster to go behind in an alley so you're shielded. Oh, that's the best.

Speaker 4 The first piss after an STI clears up.

Speaker 1 Yep. Great piss.
Also, golf course. No pain.
Golf course pisses. Great piss.
Outdoors. Do you guys think

Speaker 4 peeing at a nice course is rude?

Speaker 4 I actually think the nicer the course, the more open it is to that.

Speaker 1 There is no like peeing outside just is yeah, it just is what it is. But I feel like if we're lucky enough to play Augusta one day, like we wouldn't do that, dude.

Speaker 1 It's great because my son is so young and he is potty trained. When he has to pee when we're outside, I'll just let him pee anywhere.
Like on the street. I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 4 Has anyone ever got a public urination?

Speaker 1 I have the

Speaker 1 bath as well.

Speaker 1 College on the side. College has it.
Just college.

Speaker 4 Do you get fine? You're supposed to have a lot of people.

Speaker 1 Cop was such a tour. He came over.
He was a little bit of a bad one.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he comes over. He shakes your hand.

Speaker 1 Still, only $200.

Speaker 4 $75.

Speaker 1 Mine was expensive. Mine was $200.

Speaker 4 I think mine was $200, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 1 Did no one pick the morning piss? Morning piss is good. That's crazy.
That's a great piss.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah. Color check.
That's when it's exciting.

Speaker 5 I'm hydrated.

Speaker 1 And you just feel great. Or

Speaker 1 hydrated. Yeah.
Bad teammates.

Speaker 4 This sneaky piss when you get away with pissing when you're really not supposed to. When are you not supposed to piss? In various of these situations.

Speaker 4 Like outside,

Speaker 4 like when no one notices that you're even pissing because you're like doing it casual.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 Like there's something in front of you

Speaker 1 later, pissing.

Speaker 4 Not pissing.

Speaker 4 Have you guys ever done a Zoom piss where they don't know that you're peeing on a Zoom call?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've done that.

Speaker 4 It's crazy. What a rush.
What, your camera's still on?

Speaker 1 Yeah, camera's still on. Oh, wow.

Speaker 4 It's like you're basically like that guy. What's his name? Toobin? Jeffrey Tubin.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Jeffrey Tubin.
Have you guys ever pissed while riding a bicycle? Because I've been able to pull that off. That was sick.

Speaker 4 Accidentally.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Like, I've had it.

Speaker 1 You lock your legs.

Speaker 4 It's gotten squoze out of me. Yeah.
They probably do that during the Iron Man, right?

Speaker 1 Are you still pedaling the bicycle? No, you lock your legs. You just piss off to the side.
Can't do it in a wind. Obviously.

Speaker 4 And you need to get a little bit of speed by

Speaker 1 in your pants or no, you get your dick out and just fucking go off to the side.

Speaker 4 Is it a thing in other sports or just like rugby where

Speaker 4 you take a knee on the field and you you just pull your dick to the side and pee on the field. No, you do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was just for sport. I did that at Lollapalooza one year.

Speaker 4 The bike is just for sport, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, it's just there's no con,

Speaker 1 I just like pissing like

Speaker 1 in random places I'm not supposed to.

Speaker 1 Pools.

Speaker 1 You are supposed to piss in a pool.

Speaker 4 I was trying to think of a situation where it would be convenient to pee on a field.

Speaker 1 I've never been in a bike race and never been in a bike race. Yeah, no, that's

Speaker 1 fun. All right.
I think we. Oh, this is one that we totally missed.
Ice and the urinal.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that was kind of jigsaw. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Brutal miss. Brutal miss.
That is when you get an ice and urinal. Also, I like.
This might be weird, but I liked the Wrigley troughs because you just don't.

Speaker 1 There's no, like, you don't have to aim or anything. You just stand there and piss.
It is a little weird because you are standing like dick to dick with a bunch of dudes, but there's also just no.

Speaker 1 It's just free reign. Yeah.

Speaker 4 If you can squeeze in, you can make it.

Speaker 1 It's like a wide open receiver.

Speaker 4 There's a concert venue in Northern Virginia that had one of those troughs, except it was a circle bowl. So you had to stand up.
Oh, yes. It was probably like 20 feet wide.
It was massive.

Speaker 4 And you had to walk up to it. And there were guys just on the other side of the bowl with their dick out peeing at you.
I've sucked. And you had to pee at them into this big ass.

Speaker 4 It was like a bird bath that you were pissing into. It sucked.
That might be the worst thing.

Speaker 1 No, that rocks. Like, in theory, it rocks.

Speaker 4 But until you've been at one of those things at a poison concert when you're 17 years old and you've got probably 30 55 year old guys with their dicks out peeing right at you yeah reality hits you hard and it's not that cool yeah yeah that i've i've seen those those are brutal because you're just yeah staring at someone the pissing contest

Speaker 4 at a time it was fun what was the pissing contest who can see who can piss the farthest oh sword fights yeah no no no like like you're like out in a lake and you're trying to see who can piss the farthest oh yeah yeah sword fights are all sword fights with the boys yeah yeah so i do it with my son it's awesome sword fight all the time i fucking dominate dominate him.

Speaker 1 I like the urinals that touch the floor.

Speaker 4 Like they're so tall. You literally just piss on the floor.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Although those get a little splash back. They can, yeah.
Yeah, those get a little splash back.

Speaker 5 That just doesn't mark the spot.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I should have done. I love pissing in pools.
I want to piss in a pool right now. Oh my god.
It's so bad.

Speaker 4 We should do a podcast from a pool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just want to just go into a pool just to piss and then get right out.

Speaker 1 Jake, have you never pissed in a pool?

Speaker 4 No, I was just thinking, I tapped PFT on the shoulder. Like at a water park when I was younger.

Speaker 1 It's It's like, I think there's a pool where we're staying. Yes.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Jake, you should do it. You want to piss in it? See, like, that's a nice hotel.

Speaker 1 Like, I was

Speaker 1 doing that. So, you'd feel better about doing it around poor people? Yeah.

Speaker 4 That's messed up. I would do it in my own pool, like, if I were to do it for the first time.
Because then, like, I'll upset my mom, but she'll get over it.

Speaker 1 Now I want to get invited to your house just to piss in your pool.

Speaker 4 How would she know? That's the thing. They never know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you don't know. You don't have to tell your mom.
Mom, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, I would feel less guilty doing it to her than to a random strange chase pool.

Speaker 4 I guarantee you, your mom pees in her pool.

Speaker 1 And shout out, by the way, whoever started the blue dye

Speaker 1 rumor back in the day that just got kids to not piss in pools. Like, oh, they put blue dye, so if you piss, it will.

Speaker 1 Has it ever happened? No, never.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 1 It's not a real thing. But they did a great job of scaring all the little kids.

Speaker 4 It's child abuse. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I powered through that. Mentally tough.
Just peed anyway.

Speaker 1 Okay. Good Mount Rushmore, everyone.

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Speaker 5 It comes from. It has to be about memes, right?

Speaker 1 Well, kind of. It comes from Slate, and it's titled The Reply Guys Who Won.

Speaker 1 Repeatedly commenting on your crush's Twitter posts is a terrible dating strategy until it isn't.

Speaker 1 And it's an entire article about dudes that are reply guys who ended up dating the chicks they were replying to.

Speaker 1 I'm going to read a couple snippets, but this is literally the story. I'm actually upset they didn't use memes in this article because he was our reply guy that we ended up fucking.

Speaker 1 Not actually.

Speaker 1 Not actually.

Speaker 4 Just dry humping.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Right, right.

Speaker 1 Okay, so.

Speaker 1 All right, here it is.

Speaker 1 All right. Arielle, a 32-year-old flight attendant in Los Angeles, actually married one of her reply guys.
They recently celebrated her second wedding anniversary.

Speaker 1 She remembers his replies to her tweets back when they were first talking as being a cut above.

Speaker 1 It wouldn't just be like, you're hot. The way he did it was so much more delicate and sweet and poetic and not like disgusting.
Ariel's not her real name.

Speaker 1 And then it talks to the reply guy who says, Ivan, a 37-year-old lawyer and Ariel's husband, started following his now wife in 2017 when a picture of her happened to cross his feed one fateful day, I thought to myself, this is the most beautiful face I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 This is a guy online who sees a face online and says, wow, I need this.

Speaker 1 He said, with around 5,000 followers, she wasn't hugely famous or anything, but to Ivan, who had 19 followers, that's a perfect reply guy number, by the way. Yep.
Like 19 followers.

Speaker 4 Probably followed 3,000 people.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's perfect. But with 19 followers, she was way out of his league.
He hit follow, but he didn't interact with her for more than a year.

Speaker 1 I didn't even have the courage or self-confidence to even be a reply guy at that point. So he was a reply guy in waiting.

Speaker 1 He was a lurker.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Playing it cool, getting the entire landscape.

Speaker 1 Here's the best part.

Speaker 1 But after a while, he started to notice a way he could differentiate himself. Every reply guy has had this epiphany, by the way, being like, no, she's going to fuck me.

Speaker 1 I would see under every post that she had all these dudes that were just like, wow, beautiful, gorgeous. Ivan continued.
I was just like, I don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 She gets that so many times from all these people all over the country. If he could show he wasn't like the rest of them, he might have a shot.
This is a real article, by the way.

Speaker 1 An opportunity to break the silence finally arose in 2019. I posted something like,

Speaker 1 this is from Ariel. I posted something like, I had a bad day at work.
Who wants to buy me a steak? Arielle said. And so our first real interaction was on Venmo because he sent me $20 for a steak.

Speaker 4 This is a very dangerous article.

Speaker 1 This is the worst.

Speaker 4 It's giving so much hope to so many guys out there that they're just like, you know what? I just got to post harder. I just haven't posted enough yet.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. Reply guys are finally winning.
It's a whole article about reply guys just finding a way to reply their way into relationships with hot chicks online.

Speaker 4 Memes, do you have a moment where you're like, hey,

Speaker 4 I think I might be in with these guys?

Speaker 1 So my first tweet when I created the part of my meme count, Big Cat retweeted it, and I got 1,000 followers instantly. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you got your reply, you were just like, boom, it's on site. Love the first site.
I was like, I think I got something here.

Speaker 4 Do you remember what it was? I think it was Coach Dougs on... It was that photo that's in the studio.

Speaker 4 of the guy on the water ski with coach duggs photoshopped onto it oh man i uh here's one other guy.

Speaker 1 Sounds like a banger. Devin is a 32-year-old journalist who has a following in the world of Philadelphia sports Twitter.
And last summer,

Speaker 1 a guy named Eric, himself, a known quantity in that scene to a lesser degree, very publicly declared himself her reply guy. He started tweeting about her and sending silly replies to posts of hers.

Speaker 1 I posted a photo of me and my friend at a Phillies game and was like, I want you to hit me with a baseball bat.

Speaker 1 Another dating.

Speaker 1 That guy rocks. Fucking the best.

Speaker 1 The best.

Speaker 1 It was a bit, but it also wasn't. And it became a community

Speaker 1 preoccupation occupation.

Speaker 1 So many other people within Philly Sports Twitter would kind of weigh in, and even other guys and girls would be like, It was so nice when Eric saved my cat from a burning building.

Speaker 1 He got everyone helping him. And he helped me and my grandma across the street.
Corny stories that obviously aren't true. Devin said, but it was just cute.

Speaker 1 It was like everyone kind of had his back and

Speaker 1 shipped us in a way.

Speaker 1 Hank would never do that.

Speaker 4 Hank would never do that for his boy, Tom Brady.

Speaker 1 This is a whole article about reply guys finding a way in. So yeah, very dangerous, PFT.
I completely agree.

Speaker 4 I do want to hear, I want to fast forward like 50 years from now, 60 years from now, when they have grandkids. And like, how'd you meet? How'd you guys end up meeting? It's like, well,

Speaker 4 I told your grandma that she was so hot that I wanted her to hit me in the face with a baseball bat yeah so uh i was actually her number one reply guy so uh it was it was it was pretty beautiful it was a beautiful relationship from the start so yeah reply guys finally have a win there well i mean let's go around the room real quick because i'm pretty sure that most people in this room have some sort of a reply guy situation that they found themselves in like Big Kat, I know that you would reply to Rosillo a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I reply guy to him trying to get him to lift with me.

Speaker 4 I was a big reply guy for Florio, honestly.

Speaker 1 Yep. And we have reply guys.
Shout out to FSU Brando.

Speaker 4 Love that guy. Love that guy, Clue Haywood.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Big reply guy. I have another reply guy who I retweet sometimes.
I need to give a shout out to.

Speaker 4 Bully football.

Speaker 1 Bully football.

Speaker 4 He just bullies me after I retweet.

Speaker 1 That's literally all he does?

Speaker 4 Yeah, he just like shits on me. It's really funny.

Speaker 1 That sounds really fun.

Speaker 1 Do you guys have any reply guys that you just like know and you're like, yeah, that's my guy? Oh, yeah, this guy.

Speaker 5 I outlasted the kid that used to tweet at us about getting. Actually, never mind.
I'm not even going to say it.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 5 There was a reply guy, but

Speaker 5 I outlasted him.

Speaker 5 He was fighting for a response for like two years.

Speaker 5 I'm sure you guys saw some of them.

Speaker 1 Will Hank ever get the lottery ball? No, no. No, it was before that.

Speaker 5 It was before that.

Speaker 5 But he's dead.

Speaker 5 He gave up.

Speaker 1 He actually died? I hope so.

Speaker 1 The moral of the story is that if you're a reply guy out there and you just comment on hot chicks pictures all the time don't give up it's the meme where the guy's digging for diamonds and there's one guy that gives up and he's like an inch away from finding the diamond mine the next post might be the one that does it yeah i mean we we when we uh run the greg olson interview next week i have a funny story about my guy vp of big cat corp who was an original reply guy who who is like part of my life now so i guess he is he should have been in this article as well he found his way into my life

Speaker 1 it's the reply guys they win.

Speaker 4 PFT, is Miley responding?

Speaker 4 No, but it is funny. Like, when I tweet at Miley and everybody backs me up, like, they back up this one guy.
Yeah. Yo, yo, thank you for donating your Lambo to my grandmother.

Speaker 4 She's really sick and had a hard time getting to the hospital last week.

Speaker 1 Dude, maybe you need to get a Photoshop picture of you in a Phillies jersey and be like, I just want you to hit me with a bat. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 4 I might be over Miley, low-key.

Speaker 1 Oh, no way. I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 He's too skinny. I like Kim Kardashian type figures.

Speaker 1 No, Hank's not going to like that, so we'll talk you out of that. No, PFT, you could go for Kim K.

Speaker 5 That'd be nice. It'd be an upgrade for you.

Speaker 4 I would not.

Speaker 4 Me and Kim K, I would never work.

Speaker 4 She would break me in half.

Speaker 5 It's just like when you're at the level that you're at with Tom, it's like it's

Speaker 5 impossible. It's almost impossible for him to upgrade.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, no, you're right, Hank.

Speaker 5 Like, what's if any of us were if any of us were dating Kim K, like, that's great for us.

Speaker 1 The true definition of a best friend is talking your friends out of having sex with insanely attractive women.

Speaker 4 How would you go crazy if you started dating Kim Kay?

Speaker 1 Like, what do you think would happen?

Speaker 1 Hank? I don't know. Yeah, that would be a power couple.

Speaker 4 He would fall back into his old friend Elidon ways.

Speaker 1 That would be so awesome if Kim if Kim K dumped Hank because he golfed too much. Like, I just want a man around more.

Speaker 4 Hank, can you tell us who would be an acceptable person for Tom Brady to date?

Speaker 1 Good question.

Speaker 1 Good question. I know what Hanks.
He wants a little class. What about Sidney Sweeney? Too young?

Speaker 5 Too young.

Speaker 1 Okay, what about

Speaker 5 Shakira?

Speaker 1 Okay, Shakira.

Speaker 1 She's still in marriage. Kate Winslet.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, that's what you want.
You want the, yeah, like a classic. Ann Hathaway.
Meryl Streep. Pippa Middleton.

Speaker 1 Alyssa McCarthy. No, he could date Kate.

Speaker 5 Lupita Nuongo.

Speaker 4 Kate Middleton. Kate Middleton's.

Speaker 1 Dualipa?

Speaker 1 Dualipa. Yeah.
Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift.
Think about that.

Speaker 1 Think about that. She would just nap.
Bangers. Yeah.
Bangers.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. That's our show.
By the way, Takeys are coming on Friday. So everyone be on your best behavior.
Like and subscribe. Tell everyone to subscribe.

Speaker 1 Go subscribe on some extra phones because Takeys are coming Friday and we want the AWS to go for eight in a row, but it might not happen. So it's going to be a good thing.

Speaker 5 I will say I appreciated a lot of AWLs who are earning their takeies by reaching out and telling me how I kind of got screwed in Dungeons and Dragons,

Speaker 5 everything that happened at the end. I should have got benefited a lot more kills.
So there was a lot. It was an overwhelming amount of DMs and responses of people being like, hey.

Speaker 5 Just so you know, BitCat tried to screw you, but we got your best friend.

Speaker 4 If I give you the award-winning listeners, it sounds like they're being Hank Simps.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're Hank Simps. They're corporate suits.
They're bootlickers. Can you stop clicking that thing? Max is asking you to stop clicking that thing.

Speaker 5 I'm not me?

Speaker 4 There's something in your hand that you keep playing with, and it's making a sound.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 What is it? Is there fact or fiction? Is there something in your hand?

Speaker 1 In your right hand,

Speaker 1 guess what it is? Well, it's some gold-bladed yellow. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. PFT.

Speaker 1 How was the fourth, though? Looks good. Numbers? Six, nine.

Speaker 1 I won. I won.
That was nice.

Speaker 1 That was nice. Dude, he was on me.

Speaker 4 He's too close to me right now. I was also distracted.
I'm watching the end of this USA Canada game. Yeah, that's right.
More concerned with soccer.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'll go 17.

Speaker 5 26.

Speaker 4 I'm going to go 48 for the size of Kim Karashin's ass.

Speaker 1 Last thing. Forgot.
Forgot.

Speaker 1 If this is going to be a weird thing to say, but just

Speaker 1 trust me that we have good intentions. if you live anywhere between buffalo and detroit and have a big piece of land that you wouldn't mind the boys coming over to and building a really big hole

Speaker 1 hit us up pmt intern at barcelsports.com we want to dig dig a hole we have excavating experience no we don't yeah uh but yes so we want someone who's willing to let us build let's just say three hours of hole digging uh and and we'll leave it at that but yeah only real inquiries please this is not gonna go well there's no way this is gonna go well

Speaker 1 we're gonna show up to like some dudes like a fucking apartment complex

Speaker 1 yeah we need to see we need to see the deed to your house yeah deed to your house pictures you you in front of the picture with a with your phone out and the time stamp and a dig safe report and a dig safe report oh yeah that's good point billy yeah excavating but also would be kind of funny if there wasn't a dig safe report or you actually change if you own a beach,

Speaker 1 yeah. Bonus points if you think maybe there's some oil on your property.

Speaker 4 I still think we should do East Palestine and help get rid of some of that toxic dirt there.

Speaker 1 It's on the list.

Speaker 1 It's on the list. All right.

Speaker 1 One. Memes, have you ever gotten this? No.

Speaker 1 One. Okay.
What were your numbers for you have 20, Hank?

Speaker 4 48.

Speaker 1 Hank?

Speaker 5 26. Okay.

Speaker 5 Martin St. Louis.

Speaker 1 64. Oh, Jesus Christ.
64 and 64.

Speaker 4 Odd for the leaves. Hummingbird

Speaker 4 have eggs the size of peas at times.

Speaker 4 I'll be coming for your love up,

Speaker 4 Shine

Speaker 4 I've been coming for your love again.

Speaker 4 You've been so good to me.

Speaker 4 Give me your hand, baby.

Speaker 4 You've been so good to me.

Speaker 4 You look sadly.

Speaker 4 Take on me.

Speaker 4 Say after me, though.

Speaker 4 It's the better to be safe and sorry. Say after me.

Speaker 1 It's the better to be safe and sorry. Things that you say

Speaker 1 my worries away.

Speaker 1 You all think I've got to remember. You shine away.

Speaker 1 Love and coming to fear the money light.

Speaker 1 You shine away.

Speaker 1 Love and coming to fear the money like. You can't be so

Speaker 1 dying.

Speaker 1 Say on the air.

Speaker 1 all

Speaker 1 day on

Speaker 1 the side

Speaker 1 on the head

Speaker 1 on me all the way.