Brand New 2 Hour Dungeons & Dragons Campaign With Timm Woods and The Wonton Don

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, it's Dungeons & Dragons. We are back with our guy Tim Woods.
An awesome, awesome episode with special guest Wonton Don. We did not, Nick is going to come back and do Dungeons & Dragons with us.
He was out this week. Wonton Don was a great fill-in.
It might just be Nick and Donnie next time with us because it was that great. So much fun with him.
And guess what? We changed it up this time. We decided that we were going to get along and try to complete a mission.
So no infighting, trying to kill each other. We're trying to complete a mission and it was so much fun.
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In the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done

No place to hang out or wash in

And then I can't blame all on the sun

Oh no

We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue

And then we'll take it higher

Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric's part of my take presented by barstone sports okay it is time one of our favorite times every few months it is dungeon and dragons time and we have tim woods back with us here dungeon master extraordinaire uh very excited're going to get into today. He actually just told us he's been recognized a few times.
So that makes us happy because it means people are watching. Shout out to all the AWLs who have come up to me on the street.
Keep doing it. Keep saying hi.
I always appreciate it. It's always nice sort of hanging out with people, and then I get to brag about it.
You should keep some dye on you just to roll for a random. Absolutely, 100%.
If you come up to me on the street, I will roll a D20 because I will probably have one on my person, almost definitely. If you get a 20, you get to kiss Tim.
We'll see. We'll see.
100%. That wasn't a no.
We'll make a problem. That wasn't a no.
We have a very special episode for you. We're in the green screen room, so go watch on YouTube.
Effects and everything. It is Hank, PFT, myself, and Donnie for the first time.
The wonton Don on the show. Absolutely welcome.
Clap it up. No, no one's going to clap.
I mean, I love Donnie. Donnie knows that.
Hank and them. No clap.
All right. I'm going to gonna clap for you um okay so before we get into it

we're gonna start a whole new uh uh dungeon what do you call it again a new adventure adventure campaign a new adventure okay so we're gonna start a new campaign so if you don't know what happened the last one it's okay this one stands alone now we have had discussions before we did this episode

between Hank PFT and myself

and now Donnie as well

that we are going to do our best to truce. Listen, I promise not to kill Hank unless Hank does something that makes me have to kill him, which he might do.
Okay. I am promising that I will truce fully.
I will not attack anyone. I want to try to get as far as we've ever gotten where we don't get sidetracked.
We've done the kill and, you know, and fuck your dead body and then reanimate you and then fuck that body and then put it inside of a dragon and then fuck the dragon. We've done all that.
That does sound fun. Yeah.
Fuck. I mean, the way you just put it.
Okay. No, I'm going to try.
We're trying our best. I'm not going to attack Hank.
I'm not going to attack anybody that's in my party. But if Hank does something that's like he really has it coming, it's going to be tough for me not to.
Yes, we're going in with the best intentions. And what does it say? I am dressed nicely today.
Wait, but Hank, you haven't also promised to not attack us. I have.
I was the one that started this. I want to have fun with my friends and just go on a nice adventure together.
Yeah, usually Donnie, how it goes is Hank does something really annoying or Billy and then we just have to fucking kill him. Okay.
Well, if shit goes south, we can always turn on Hank. As long as it's not me.
No, no. Wrong.
Donnie really took that first truce to heart. Well, you can tell the winner.
You are right. You're right.
You're right. This is a good fit for the group ultimately.
Hank's also giving a big time fake truce right off the bat. If you heard the voice, the tone that he used, you can tell that he's not going into this This is crazy.
This is crazy. This is gaslighting, Tim.
This is what I deal with on a daily basis. I think this is what we can say.
I say I want to have fun, and they say that means you don't want to have fun. Hank and I are having a truce.
I'm truce. I'm truce.
What PFT does on my behalf, I can't control. I'm truce out.
Okay. All right.
So, Tim, let's take it away. Where do you want to start? Absolutely.
I will say, as per usual, this adventure I'm about to run for you all is the adventure that I have been running for all the AWLs who have been reaching out to me asking to play games. So every time a group of AWLs reaches out, I gotta give them adventure.
I haven't already run for you guys, but I tell them that this adventure we're about to do, the Necromancer of Lance Rock is the adventure that I'm gonna be running with you guys next, and every one of the AWL groups who has gone through this adventure has gotten to the end and finished it. i also told them i wasn't sure if you guys would or not so the uh record has been set the pr has been set by the fans and so if we can beat it so did anyone who played say the name again though the name of the adventure is the necromancer of lance rock the necromancer of lance rock did any of the awls who uh played it and got to the end, did they have a Hank? They did not.
Well, I shouldn't say none of them didn't have a Hank. One or two of them definitely had their Hank.
When you say the name, the necromancer, we just got done saying how we're not going to fuck anybody's corpse. And it sounds like this campaign is heavily geared towards having sex with dead bodies.
On like a sick rock. I will say that in this adventure, there are going to be our share of undead and corpses.
What you do with those corpses is largely up to you. It's the ultimate test of our time.
Absolutely. 100%.
If you can make it to the end through all these juicy corpses, we will see. But we have a new player joining us.
And Donnie, your character is going to be the one introducing us to this quest. Since are the new character is joining you're going to be our kind of hook into this adventure because all of these travelers have been on many different adventures but they haven't visited your village yet of Lance Rock since you're a new character we're going to say that your character has been living in the village of Red Larch for quite some time, and you know about the nearby landmark of Lance Rock.
You know it because it was dropped there by a dragon a long time ago. Lance Rock is a hill known for having this standing stone sort of sticking out of the top at a weird angle, and you know a long time ago a dragon essentially threw that rock at a wizard.
The wizard deflected it, and it landed on this hillsideside. And ever since then there has been a dragon tomb there for a long time.
Now you are a ranger. Somebody who travels across many lands across the wilderness.
Donnie, you get to name your ranger whatever you want. If you don't have a name right now, no worries.
But when you have a name, feel free to shout it out. We've all named our characters.
I'll be

Gorgamool. Gorgamool.

Absolutely.

Gorgamool, the ranger.

I love it. Now, rangers

come in different varieties, and I'll just ask

real quick, the two very good races

for a ranger would be deep gnomes,

who are the short... Ehrlich is actually a

rock gnome. Deep gnomes come from deep within

the earth, and also wood elves make great rangers as well do you have a preference between either of those um are there any aquatic rangers oh um tritons would be people like merfolk who come from the oceans and so you could be an aquatic type ranger if you were a triton perhaps okay now we'll be encounter we be encountering any water on this expedition no i'll tell you right now not too much water on this particular adventure turn a dragon on not unless yeah we find some yeah okay then i'll be um i'll be the the ranger that comes from underground absolutely the deep gnome ranger would be a great choice so you're a Ranger, very maneuverable, extra stealthy, that means. And Rangers, in theory, can specialize in ranged combat with the bow or getting into hand-to-hand combat with their double swords.
Do you have a preference between either of those? Double swords. Double swords, absolutely.
A Kimbo. And then last question.
As a Ranger, you can either specialize in being a hunter and taking down monsters or having a pet animal. Would you have a preference between either of those? Ooh.
I mean, that really depends what the pet animal is going to be. You get to pick whatever you want.
It can be a wolf. It can be a giant cat.
Hippo. Can it be a hippo? Hank actually has his own pet.
You have Lola the imp, but you also get a pet. It's just not an imp.
It's some sort of forest animal or aquatic animal whatever you want i like hippo can it be a hippo it can be a little hippo yeah my personal tank the owner of the hippo from uh cincinnati okay yeah she's very cute yeah absolutely you got this baby hippo and you know what's the hippo's name i can't do much with a baby hippo i need a full-grown one you know what you've got a a young hippo but it's not a teenage's the hippo's name? I can't do much with a baby hippo. I need a full-grown one.
You know what? You've got a young hippo, but it's not a baby. A teenage hippo.
Yeah, a teenage hippo, 100%. What's the hippo's name? We're going to go...
Mode. Mode.
Ooh, I love that. Absolutely.
And you're a dual-wielding... You should do maybe like an old-school an old school prank you have like a few hippos mean, median, and mode and like where the hell the other hippos go oh yeah arithmetic humor and hippo 4 we're all looking for hippo 3 the whole time what were you going to say Hank? did you have something you want to say? No, I love Mo the Hippo.
Oh, okay. Absolutely.
I was going to say, Tim, if you can get a little closer to the mic. 100%.
Absolutely. By the way, also, we should just say, Hank, if you're listening on the podcast, you should watch on the YouTube.
Hank's dressed like he's got a purple wizard's outfit. Merlin.
PFT's got a deflated dragon. I'm riding the deflated dragon.
It comes with a battery pack, but when I turn it on, it gets on the mic. Here, I'll switch it on for just a second and re-up on my dragon.
Yeah, I'm dressed as Maui from Moana and Donnie, or sorry, Garbagool. Gorbagool.
I kind of like Garbagool. Garbagool.
All right, let's do it. Absolutely.
Garbagool's dressed like a knight. Yeah, a knight.
And Max was the one who put this costume on me. So it's currently falling apart.
A little Garbagool. Yeah, Big Cat's actually just dressed as Max with tattoos.
Pretty much. Big Cat's doing orange body right now.
I might have picked a more heavily armored fighter knowing that would be your costume. But as a traveler of the world, Ranger is definitely the most fitting class for you, for sure.
Yes. And as someone who hunts dragons and the undead on a regular basis, you know that we are in danger because you have heard that near Red Larch, near the village of Red Larch, near this landmark of Lance Rock, where there are caves underneath this hillside.
There was this dragon laid to rest,

but recently people have been going missing near Lance Rock and their bodies haven't been turning up. Rumor has it because a bunch of kids essentially like rode their bikes essentially over to Lance Rock and only three of the five kids made it back.
They reported that they saw a signpost outside of a cave that said, ye who seek your deaths, enter and face the necromancer of Lance Rock. And if there's a dragon's body and a necromancer, someone who is known to raise the dead as their undead minions, then that is a bad combination.
You hunt undead and dragons. And if you have an undead dragon you need to deal with, that's a big problem've seen game of thrones 100 exactly right you know you're gonna need a team for a mission like this and luckily so he assembled a team he can fight dragons and undead but not undead dragon no he was actually be the most okay undead dragons but i'm gonna need my friends yeah undead dragon is so powerful that you would need your friends by your side.
So you've recruited this team, and you are ready to head to Lance Rock. Our adventure would begin at the mouth of this cave, but anybody on their turn could say they're doing their turn back at Red Larch if you feel like there's a reason to either gather supplies or talk to people in town or try to gather other information.
But the action really begins at the cave. So I will ask if everyone would like to go around and do their first roll of the game.
This D20 roll will determine initiative order. Who will go first? So if everyone rolls a D20.
Is that a roll? I got a four. A four for Ehrlich.
Now, Ehrlich, you have a plus two on that, so you get a total of a six. I got a seven.
A seven, and you have also a plus two on this, so you get an eight. I got a three.
Or a nine. Wayne.
I got a nine. Now, you actually roll two times Norm the Barbarian, because as a barbarian, you get a bonus to your initiative.
Okay. Called Feral Instincts.
Five. Five.
What was the first roll? Nine. Nine.
So I'll take the nine. You have a plus two on that.
That's an 11 for Norm. And how did you do? I rolled a three.
Three. Ooh, I'm sorry to say you have a plus three on that, though, so you'd be going right after Ehrlich, it looks like.
Okay. And that is Gargabool.
Gargabool, the Ranger. Excellent.
Gargabool, no worries. You'll get to see the others in action and then your turn will be the final turn but I will point out that right now you're the best at navigating us through the forest.
So either way, I imagine you'll be the one leading us to Lance Rock to get us to this landmark without any danger. But Norm, you were up first.
You could do your turn at the cave and see what's going on there or you could do your turn back in town yeah let's uh let's check out this cave absolutely you get to this cave and when you arrive i will say that you with your perception are just barely able to tell that outside the cave you can kind of see over the trees the top of the cave up ahead but you can hear there are creatures outside the cave that are talking. Now, necromancers deal with the undead, and undead typically don't do a lot of talking.
So whatever these creatures are, they're speaking a language you do not understand. One of them sounds really big.
One of them sounds very small. Okay.
I'd like to grab both of them by the neck. Now, you haven't seen them yet.
Would you like to approach them and burst out of the woods? Yeah, yeah, I'll approach them first. Absolutely.
As soon as you approach them, you burst out of the woods. It doesn't sound like you're being sneaky about this.
No, no, no. So they immediately turn to look at you, and you realize why one of them sounds big.
He's an ogre. This ogre stands almost to the height of the cave.
He turns as he looks in your direction and you realize riding on his shoulder is a teeny tiny little goblin. She has her hair pulled back in a ponytail and she has an eye patch on.
She goes and she draws her short bow and knocks an arrow and points it at you. The ogre lifts up what you thought was a dead tree.
It's club and he begins marching towards you. Go brah! Okay, am I bigger than the ogre?

No. you the ogre lifts up what you thought was a dead tree it's his club and he begins marching towards you go brah okay am i bigger than the ogre you are not bigger than the okay all right so let's sorry to say let's uh transition here uh maybe just a quick like hey what's up guys i didn't you know absolutely i wasn't trying to start a fight i just was wondering what you got a light yeah what what are you guys talking about absolutely go ahead and roll a persuasion check on this ogre and goblin 12 12 and now can I ask you have the intimidation skill by any chance on your sheet intimidation skill I do I have plus one now this is not intimidation this is persuasion because you're trying to be nice to them and based on that plus one and you're trained in that that tells me your persuasion is actually a minus one on that.
So with an 11, I'm sorry to say that the goblin stops for a second. They look at each other, and they're going right back to fighting you.
They are about to open fire unless you want to try again with your bonus action, or you could try something else with your bonus action. I think now I have to have to fight them you could try to fight them now i would say you can have shouted to them with your bonus action and now you can swing at them with your weapon if you want or you can try to talk again we just we can't turn around we have nowhere to turn around to this is the beginning oh yes we got we got pushed forward you know what i would like to fuck them up though in a way that way that we can figure out what they're talking about.

So maybe a beautiful form tackle and just hold them down.

Absolutely.

You could do a grapple check.

Absolutely.

Yeah, like hold them in a headlock.

Not like Zuckerberg when he got knocked out and unconscious.

Not choked out.

He did not get choked out.

He got a little choked out.

We don't want to choke him out at all.

He did not get choked out.

I want him to just be totally neutralized and they're like, all right, we understand. Sorry.
You know, we'll talk. And are you trying to do this to the little goblin or to the big ogre? I think the big ogre.
I think I got to go for the big guy. All right.
I'm going to roll for the big ogre then. And you're going to need to try to beat whatever the ogre gets.
Oh, the ogre ruled really bad. He only got a two.
He has a plus four on this though, so you so you still got to beat a six okay and you get to roll once because you're not raging yet 17 absolutely plus your athletics bonus you get the ogre in a headlock the ogre starts roaring i'm gonna see how upset he is about this uh he is very upset right now he doesn't understand that he should probably be surrendering right now his face is getting really red but the goblin drops her bow she pulls out a knife and she tries to hold it to your neck right now do you say anything to her or do anything yeah I'm gonna just grab the knife and flip it and be like you're a little bitch I will let you attempt to do that but now you are trying to maintain your grip on the oh she only got a she only got a total of a five on that uh but you have disadvantage on this because you're you got one arm around the ogre so roll two times and take the lower number this time nine is already enough so if you can just not do worse than a nine well 12 you're doing fine you flip the knife on her you grab her knife so you got one knife at her throat arm around the ogre's neck the two of them are like really impressed they're looking at each other like who the fuck is this guy and that is an amazing first turn right there norm i'm gonna roll to see when these two are going they are not going until after gargable's turn so we've got some time before these two get a chance to do anything. Are you like the muscle? I am the muscle.
I'm Norm the human barbarian. The barbarian is the muscle.
You're kind of the skills. He's the face of the group and you're kind of like the evil face a little bit.
The guy we don't need that. The wild card.
Yeah, that's a good way to describe an asshole. Who's the brains, though?

Do you have any brains?

We're hive-minded brains.

It's a combo of PFT and Hank have good brains.

Also, when Jake the Wizard was here, he was kind of the brains.

He was kind of the front man.

Yeah, I'm just so good looking.

I'll tell you what I'd like to do.

Absolutely.

I would like some help, just so I'd just throw this out there.

Yeah, so I'd like to do hideous laughter on them.

I want to make fun of them. I want to go up to the two of them, the ogre and the goblin, and be like, you're not him.
Absolutely. You look like you're giant.
You look like you can fight. You're not him.
You're just not him. 100%.
Would you be trying to make the ogre laugh or the goblin laugh? You get to pick one of them, unfortunately. You can't pick both.
I want to make my boys laugh but i want to also make them cry i want to insult them i guess that might be vicious mockery that's more vicious mockery you're absolutely right 100 okay vicious mockery i'd like to mock them absolutely this targets one person do you target the goblin this could be enough to kill the goblin or would you uh target the ogre how much damage could i do to the ogre uh You would deal 2d4 damage to the ogre, but this ogre is built like a brick shithouse. He looks like he has over 50 hit points.
I already have him. It's true.
It's true. He's clearly not as skillful as some of the warriors.
If we were to only keep one of them, who has more information, you think? Or who's more likely to spill. You know automatically the brawn of this operation

is the ogre, the brains is the gobbler.

You know the answer.

That was a hurtful question.

The fat guy always has the least amount of information.

Yeah, but sometimes they give it up easier.

You starve them out for like a day,

and then they'll give up anything.

But if I make fun of it...

The ogre would have a worse saving throw.

It's true.

If I make fun of the big guy,

he's probably got like a tiny little ego

that he's like...

It's true.

He's built himself up.

He lifts weights.

Easier to affect.

Yeah.

I want the information from the small one.

Yeah.

So I think I'm gonna insult the ogre absolutely you insult the ogre he has a minus two on the saving throw and he only he got a 14 which would have been enough but with a minus two a 12 just barely fails against your vicious mockery You get to roll roll two d4s we're gonna see how much damage this guy takes that's a three so far and a two so the ogre it's not a three uh you're absolutely right 100 thanks for catching that six damage on the ogre well done you can tell the ogre still has something close to 50 hit points left. But what do you say to insult him? I just tell him he's not him.
You say you're not that guy. You're not him.
Yeah, you're not that guy, pal. Absolutely.
He starts bleeding out of his nose. His eyes cross.
He goes, me that guy. Me that.
Me him. Me, me, me.
Me Mogra. And he's looking around and you see the goblin go, you Mogra.
You Mogra. But she's kind of shrugging like, he's right.
You're not him. Yeah, I insulted him from his girl.
You see the ogre's shoulders slump, and he gives up on trying to break free of Norm's grip. Well done.
Not one of them once. Absolutely.
Now, that's your action and your move to approach these two. You still have your bonus action and you could use it to inspire

anybody in your party

if you wish. You know what? I want to gas my

boy Hank up. Ehrlich.
Yeah, Ehrlich.

You're Ehrlich, right? Ehrlich. Okay, yeah.

I want to gas my boy Ehrlich up. I want

Ehrlich to just absolutely dominate.

I want him in a good mood. Absolutely.

What do you say to inspire Ehrlich who's

coming in behind you? I say, listen, hey, Ehrlich, I don't care what everybody else says about you.

I think that you're pretty cool, and you're not lame, and you're not very killable.

I definitely don't want to murder you.

What about the thing you said to me earlier?

No, but I don't care what everybody else says.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was a private conversation.

Sorry.

Sorry, sir.

Thanks, Wayne.

I'm a barbarian.

I'm not very smart.

Yeah, you got this, bro. Ehrlich, you feel very inspired by that.
Yes, I do. That's exactly what I needed to hear.
Absolutely. Really reassured me on this journey.
At any point. I don't like your tone.
If you feel like you got close but not quite on a D20 roll, you can now add a D8 to any one of your D20 rolls. It's huge.
You're welcome. It's a large inspiration.
Huge. And Ehrlich, we are up to you.
What would you like to do next? I would like to use my skill and investigate the gnome. The new gnome who has joined our party? Oh, no.
Oh, the goblin. The goblin who we are fighting against.
The ogre has given up. This goblin with the eye patch and her spiky ponytail.
You can go up and you can make an investigation check. What are you hoping to learn? Are you hoping to learn like what she's thinking or what she's hiding? I think we probably need to know about what's kind of ahead or what, you know, if we're trying to go through them, what are we going through to? Absolutely.
You could use investigation to just look ahead. But if you're trying to look at her and see what she's hiding, that would be insight.
Or should we do we need to know about this undead warrior? Do you think they know the missing kid, too? Or there's two missing kids, right? Two missing kids. Five kids left.
Three came back. Can we take her with us? She hasn't agreed to come with us, but you could go up to her and make an intimidation or persuasion check to get her to come with us maybe see if she likes any of us like more than a friend that would be insight to find out what she's thinking i could kill this ogre when it comes back to my turn and just take the little goblin or we could take them both maybe we just do a little sweet let's find out what they know first and see if it's valuable to have them with us or i don't want to bring the ogre he He's just going to slow us down.
I can fuck him up. If he slows down, we'll eat him for meat.
But go ahead. Okay, yeah.
Let's find out what they know about the kids. It's all about the kids.
Absolutely. Would you like to use persuasion to ask them or would you like to use insight to see what they're thinking? Most of your arguments online are just you're thinking about the kids, protecting the kids.
Yeah, it's all about the kids. That's why you are the way you are some things are bigger than than dragons um let me ask what skills do you have under i have arcana history intimidation investigation persuasion and stealth you could use persuasion or intimidation to get them to spill the beans on let's do intimidation let's let's let's go the old school way uh since they're already pretty scared you have on this.
Roll two times and take the higher number. That would be a six.
The dot is at the bottom. That's a six.
Great number. And a one.
Oh, okay. We'll ignore the one.
But with the six plus what's your persuasion or intimidation bonus? Plus six. Plus six.
Okay. With a 12, you're going to get them to answer one question, only one question yeah good job what do you want to know from the goblet she first of all she doesn't listen listen hold on hold on uh big mistake my name yika he mogra we treasure hunters no fight please please no fight what do you what do you say to her is the dragon do you know anything about the dragon? Is the dragon alive? Dragon? Dragon? Oh, they say dragon buried inside of this cave.
We hear roaring when we outside of here. Mogra get real, real scared.
He big baby. I tell him go inside.
We find real good treasure of dead dragon in there. Maybe not so dead anymore.
Didn't we know the dragon was dead?

We thought the dragon was dead, and we had every reason to think it's a...

We're just starting a file in case we have to kill Hank.

Now it might be undead.

Reasons why he screwed up.

Yeah, no, I know.

I'm just starting mental file.

It's not alive.

It's undead.

Yeah.

It's undead, so it's like...

Listen, we're good.

We're good.

Can we find out who's on the dragon's flight logs? Because he's got two kids buried underneath the ground. That's true.
Three. Three? Two kids.
We have two missing kids that are unaccounted for that might be somewhere in this cave. Good question, Frank.
Unfortunately, no bodies were found. This dragon is Epstein.
I'm pretty sure. He's dead, not dead.
Nobody knows. And it does seem like nobody knows whether it's alive or dead, but they did hear a dragon roaring, and this dragon hasn't been seen in dozens if not hundreds of years, so it would be very surprising if it was still alive.
But it is making noise in some capacity. And so they tell you that, and they're not looking, the goblin is not looking to fight either.
It seems like both the ogre and the goblin have kind of surrendered to us with that turn erlik as a bonus action you could place a hex on one of these enemies or you could say one more thing to them what would you like to do ask about the kids i'd say you could ask one more question with the dragon's dead or not again no because that's like's like a trick question. Are you sure the dragon's dead? Have you seen any kids? They say, yes.
We saw five kids come by the other day. One of them, zombie, come out from behind tree.
Grab kid, pull him behind tree. Then we hear running things come out of cave.
Run after other kid, drag him back much faster than zombies, whatever they are.

Whoa.

So we got zombies and some track stars.

Yeah, some fast zombies.

Now that is the information you are learning, Ehrlich.

Unless I did not ask, would you have used your bardic inspiration to try to get more information out of them? No, I'm not a good question. I think we'll save that.
You can save that Bardic Inspiration. Absolutely.
That will bring us to Gargabull's turn. Did Tim just ask Hank if you wanted to do a better turn and Hank said, no, thank you? Is that what just happened on the list? Well, I only have so many questions.
Put it on the list. You can save the Bardic Inspiration for maybe a life or death situation.

Yeah, it's like using your challenge in the first quarter.

Even if you can win it.

But if you win your challenge, you keep it.

I mean, three points is three points.

No matter what quarter.

We're not an NBA podcast.

I mean, it's NBA.

It's final season.

No, no, no.

Okay.

Gargable, what would you like to do?

You see that your friends have wrestled this goblin and ogre to the ground, gotten them to more or less surrender at this point. The cave is up ahead.
What would you like to do? I think we start making our way into the cave. Absolutely.
But I'm considering using my primeval awareness first. Ooh, absolutely.
Just to maybe gain some insight on what we're going to be dealing with in that cave. Yes, you could.
You burn up one of your spell slots as you meditate on your primeval awareness. As you start meditating, you can sense inside of the cave the presence of undead.
Now, normally that's all the spell would give you, but I will let you roll a perception check to see if you can learn more. Either perception or survival, whichever skill is better for you.
I think they're both plus six, though. Is that right? Absolutely.
Roll a d20 plus six to see what you can get on this. Okay.
Detect more than just the presence of undead. Does it matter what dice I roll? Nope.
You're rolling the d20, but whichever d20 you want. Absolutely.
That is a very lucky d20 right there. This one? That's a particularly lucky one.
This one has been hot. All right, let's go.
Not this time, though. Seven plus six is a 13.
I'm going to tell you two pieces of information with a 13. First of all, there are lots of little undead signatures, little pings coming from inside that cave.
One of them is definitely more powerful than all the others. and it is showing up as not just an undead but also a dragon and that signal is coming from in so the the cave is to the north of you it's to the north and then to the east so forward and to the right that is where the undead dragon signal is coming from there is a second powerful signal coming from forward and to the left instead, forward and west.
But then you are also noticing that there's some weak undead signatures inside and up for some reason. As you look up, you don't see any stairs up or anything.
And you're noticing those are the closest two signals, inside and up. And as you're looking in, you're like, you should be able to see those undead.
And you don't. It's almost like they're above the tunnel that is inside the cave.
Okay. Now, can we start making our way in? You absolutely could.
As the navigator, I think we should. As the navigator, you could be the one to lead your way in.
Now, as the navigator, are you entering sneakily? Are you entering carefully and looking around as a bonus action? What would you like to do? I think we should go stealth here. Stealth.
I mean, we're surrounded. They're everywhere.
Stealth with your hippo. Absolutely.
Oh, that's right. Are you traveling with your hippo? Is your hippo going ahead? Is your hippo hanging back? I think we need to bring the hippo in.
Absolutely. I'm going to say your hippo is just as stealthy as you are.
Let's go with that. Because I do not know how stealthy a hippo would be.
They might be very... Everything I've heard is actually they're quite stealthy.
So what is your stealth bonus? A plus six, I believe? Yes. Yes.
Go ahead and roll a d20 plus six. Whatever you get will be whatever your hippo gets.
Oh, hell yeah. 13 plus six is a 19.
As you stealthily enter, you start to make your way 10 feet in, 20 feet in. And you can see up ahead, it opens up into a larger 30 foot by 30 foot square room.
Like this is the tomb you're entering now. And you can just barely see up ahead a locked door on the right and another tunnel on the left empty room up ahead except you notice that above you and behind you there is a slight groan of zombies okay look up and behind you and you see a pair of zombies looking down but you've been very stealthily moving along the wall.
They haven't noticed you yet. You see the two of them holding a footlocker chest between them that you realize has been filled with rocks.
They just keep staring at the open tunnel like they're waiting and they're even just swinging their hands back and forth like they are ready to throw this box of rocks on the first person they see coming down the tunnel. But they didn't see you.
So you can do whatever you want. What would you like to do? Can I have the hippo charge? Yes, 100%.
Now, here's the problem. They're on a ledge above and behind you.
So if you want the hippo to charge, it would have to jump up to these zombies. It's a young hippo.
It's a small hippo. One of the jumping skills.
Hippos can only jump in the water. I don't know.
That sounds kind of risky. I'd send a hippo.
I would say it certainly doesn't have advantage because it's not in the water, but I'd say it has like a plus four on its jump check. It needs to get a 15 or higher.
I don't want my hippo jumping. I only want him charging him flat ground.
We could could also wait and have Norm throw your hippo up. Oh, yeah.
Like a bowling ball. It's a good call.
Norm would actually be the best. I can easily do that for you, bro.
Chuck in it. Okay.
We got the muscle of the ogre. You could.
No, he's hot, dude. He knows what's up.
He's still outside the cave. If you guys want to bring the ogre, you can.
Absolutely. i would rather throw the ogre at people than my hippo oh yeah good call because i was thinking about killing the ogre at some point in my mind the ogre and the hippo are around the same size so we can we can kind of use them both as bowling balls he said in his mind that's fine yeah yeah i will say that you are able to definitely if you don't want your hippo to go ahead, you can signal back to your teammates without the zombies noticing that there are two enemies up there so that they're all aware of the threat.
Okay, yeah. We talked about this.
We're going to support each other. So I'm going to let the homies know there's danger and I'm going to beckon for them to come join me.
Yeah, I'll throw that ogre. Okay.
Can I throw that ogre? The ogre would be tough to throw. So it's about to be the ogre and the goblins turn, and they've surrendered to us.
They're not doing anything right now. They will ready their turns for whatever we tell them to do.
Norm, you can try to pick up the ogre and throw it, but because he's a size category larger than you, you'd have disadvantage. But if you rage you get advantage on throwing people so you would you could make it just one straight roll no advantage no disadvantage okay i mean i am a gambler so i are they going first and then i get to go they just ready to do whatever you want so if you say i'm gonna throw you to this ogre he kind of like curls up to and nervously gets ready he is yeah let's do advantage and i'm gonna try to throw this ogre so we can save the hippo absolutely that's teamwork you enter your rage you go to pick up this ogre but you need at least a 15 to throw this you could also throw the goblin you it would be much easier to throw you could throw a goblin or the goblin you can fit in one hand and just throw like this with the ogre you would need to pick up over your head like a boulder and chuck two-handed.
Power rate real quick. If I throw the goblin, it's not going to really do much, right? He's small.
The goblin's very small. She's tiny.
Should I throw the hippo? You could pick up the hippo and throw the hippo. That would hurt the hippo.
I just chose not to throw my own hippo. Okay, yes.
You could look in your hippo's eyes and be like, I promised you I'd never throw you yeah and then i'll show up and be like yeah i didn't yeah i never said at the end to throw a hail mary because andrew luck doesn't have the arm strength that's what big cat's doing with your hippo i don't want to throw your hippo though if you don't want me to throw your hippo is there anyone else here that i could throw well if you if you threw the goblin he's a dwarf and he's a gnome you can throw both of them very easily through the goblin she does have a bow and he's a gnome. You can throw both of them very easily.

If you threw the goblin, she does have a bow and arrow.

That's true.

That's true.

What about if I cut off a leg of the ogre and threw that?

Oh, that's much easier to throw than the whole ogre.

That might be our solution.

Yeah.

Okay.

The ogre seems to be getting upset.

Like he's understanding a little bit of what you're talking about.

The goblin has like a knife though.

So if you threw the goblin up there, he could just start stabbing everyone.

I'm holding the knife. True.
Currently you've got her got your knife. Do we want to give back the weapon? Because I have it.
Okay, yeah, yeah, you're right. And if a goblin gets up there and then joins the bad guys, he can bury us.
I have a solution. You can throw the hippo, actually.
I'm fucking going up there myself. Oh, absolutely.
You can run up and you can just jump up there with your own athletics check. That's easy.
And I'm just going to fuck shit up. Absolutely.
So you're not throwing anybody. You run up to where the ranger has let you know that there is this ledge.
Immediately, you're kind of like doing this jump. Like you run over, turn on the spot, and jump backward relative to where you had been running.
Go ahead and since you're raging now, you have advantage on this. Roll two D20s and take the higher number.
Will you let the hippo know that I did not throw it? Yes, I will. And you know what? We can still throw it later on if it comes down to that.
Mode is a very smart hippo and understands language, so Mode nods in appreciation. Respect.
Okay, you didn't throw me. All right.
So I get two rolls? Absolutely. You get two rolls and you get to take the higher one.

This is a six. Six, okay.

Nineteen!

Nineteen plus your athletics is plenty.

In fact, it's so much, I would say

that you automatically gain advantage

on your attack

against one of these zombies.

Would you like to attack the one on the left

or the one on the right?

Let's go with the one on the hank which one are the republicans and democrats they are republicans i'll also say this fully grown villager and one of them is just a really tall kid who has a scar running down his face and as he turns you see the empty eye socket he is one of the village kids who got caught okay so let's go with the other let's let's attack the guy on the left the woke mind virus and we'll get him um so it's it's a an adult i'm attacking yes absolutely 100 you have advantage already now i will, if you're willing to go reckless, I'll give you double advantage on this. I'll let you roll three times.
Are you going reckless? You know I can't turn down reckless. All right, you're raging and you're going reckless.
I love it. Go ahead and make your first attack.
You roll three times on this attack. Five, not great.
Not great start. That's an 18.
18 is fantastic. Let's see if you can get a critical hit though.
Now it doesn't usually count when it falls on the floor. That was my fault.
Seven. So we'll take that first middle roll.
That very high roll is a solid hit against that zombie. Your damage with your great sword.
You're using a great sword and not a great axe, correct? Or using a great axe today. The great hook, absolutely.
Your great hook would deal 1d 12 damage plus 5 while you are raging. Oh, is that a 1 plus 5 is only going to be 6 damage on the first zombie, I am sorry to say.
But luckily, that's not your only attack. As you slash across the zombie's chest, he's not halfway dead yet.
He's injured, though, and you get to do another attack three times against him. Well, that's going to be the damage, but go ahead and roll the d20 again three times to make sure that you hit.
What type of zombies? I know a lot of zombies you can only kill if you take off the head this is a very good point so you know that zombies if you kill them with a critical hit it means you hit them in the head and you insta kill them otherwise these zombies can keep getting back up unfortunately and 10 was the highest of the rolls one of them landed on the So it was three. It was five, three, 10.
Absolutely. We'll take the 10.
You have a plus six on your attack with your great axe. That's another hit for another D12 plus five.
11. 11 plus five is 16.
Now that should be enough to finish off the zombie. But as I said, the zombie, you hack into its neck and shoulder.
It gets a roll to see if it can just Walking Dead style kind of start crawling towards you. But it would need to roll very well.
It did not roll very well. You took the zombie's head right off.
Immediately, the box of rocks drops to the ground. The other zombie, the kid zombie, is just holding the other end stupidly as the rocks spill out.
And he just goes, ugh, and throws it over the edge. It lands right next to the hippo and our ranger, but doesn't deal any damage.
Well done. Neutralize him.
Excellent. Well, let's take a quick break for an ad.
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So the zombie's going to be going after Garbogool's next turn. We've got plenty of time to finish off this zombie, and it's Wayne's turn now.
Wayne. Should I take out this zombie, or is there a way that we can convert it from not being a zombie anymore? Because it's the kid.
You do. I don't want to save the kids.
I'll kill a normal zombie, but if there's a chance that we can help this kid, that's what I want to do. Go ahead and roll a knowledge check on this.
I think you would have Arcana plus four. Six.
Okay, with a six plus four is a ten. All you know is that typically zombies cannot be reasoned with.
And once you're a zombie, you dead there's no way to restore you back and my hands are tied a human my hands are tied Tim regretfully can I like that uh Wesley Snipes gift from New Jack City I just want to let it be known I'm crying while I'm pointing my weapon absolutely 100% you're like biting your tongue yeah tears in your eyes what weapon would you like to use to attack the? What do you recommend, the light crossbow or the rapier? I would use the light crossbow if you want to stay at distance. If you want to get into melee, you can try to climb up and stab with your rapier, but it deals the same damage either way.
I want to snipe him. I want Steph Curry.
Absolutely, 100%. You can roll a d20 plus 5, I believe, is what you get with your light crossbow.
10. Nice.
10 plus five is a 15. That's a solid hit for 1d8 plus two damage against this zombie.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Only three damage against the zombie, unfortunately. Even though it has less hit points than the other zombie, it's not down just just yet this arrow just sort of like thuds into its arm splits out the other side and the zombie barely even seems to notice it's happening sorry it's not ready to lunge towards norm it's not everyone can't kill i think you missed on purpose because you didn't want the guilt of having to kill the kid yeah it would be way on my conscience very heavily it's tough i have no conscience i'll kill it later now would you like to give any other bardic inspiration to anybody here you can't give any more to erlich because he still has bardic inspiration kind of wasted my inspiration too last time i got it he saved it yeah but it's kind of kind of i feel bad about wasting on erlich so i'll give it to i'll give it to garbagoel absolutely yeah yes gargaboole you've got this bardic inspiration now what do you say to inspire gargaboole i'm like hey man i'm really glad that you joined our crew you're a great addition good off-season pickup i'm happy to be here i will not lead you guys astray yeah and i love your hippo too which is very much alive very much still alive hippo mode winks at you yeah nice absolutely he's only going to be tossed as a last resort it nods fervently mode absolutely and Ehrlich that would bring us to you next what would you like to do I would like to attack yes I would like to finish what Wayne started the zombie is not halfway dead but it is injured and you could potentially finish it off what attack would you like like? I would like to use a light.
No, use the short sword because you've got to cut its head off, right? Absolutely. Now, you could use your short sword if you climb up the wall or jump up to get to this zombie.
You do have many ranged spells you could do against the zombie without needing to climb that honestly deal more damage. If I do a really good crossbow, would that just take its head off? It could feasibly take its head off.
I like to do that, like a sniper. Absolutely, 100%.
You can roll a d20 plus, what does it say it is to hit for your crossbow? 1d20 plus 5. Plus 5.
Roll a d20 plus 5 and we'll see if you hit. Ooh, what'd you get? 2.
A 2? 2, did you say? 2. Here's the good news, you're not accidentally hitting norm because i would like to use my inspiration roll oh absolutely so with a two plus five so far you got a seven that's actually not that far off from hitting a zombie so roll a d8 you are using your inspiration you're gonna roll an eight-sided die this one right here you get a tony snell And you're going to add that to this seven.
Now that's a D10. Oh, sorry.

Yeah. sided die this one right here you get a tony snell stat and you're gonna add that to this seven

now that's a d10 but sorry yeah it's very there you go absolutely that's the d8 eight eight absolutely with a plus eight to the seven a 15 is a solid hit against the zombie well done go ahead and roll what does it say the damage is 1d8 plus two for your light crossbow 1d20 plus 5 to hit

damage 1d8 plus 2

1d8 plus 2 there your light crossbow? 1d20 plus 5 to hit. Damage 1d8 plus 2.
1d8 plus 2, there you go. So roll the d8 again and add 2 to it, and we'll see how much damage this zombie takes.
7. 7 plus 2 is 9 more damage.
The zombie takes 12 damage. It looks like it then drops to the ground right in front of Norm, but then it stays dead, I'm happy to report.
It thrashes around a little bit, Norm. It starts to get up, falls dead to the ground.
Both of these zombies are permanently slain now. And as it is slain, suddenly you hear a voice in your mind, Ehrlich, that nobody else hears says my wife thank you you saved me and it's the kid you think for just a moment you think you see this ethereal shape over where the zombie fell then Ehrlich you because it's you who did the kill on the zombie hear a second voice and you recognize this voice it's your patron the demon who grants you your spells and he says you're giving me that soul right yeah no he gives me my spells that's like a good like you you know you pick up a soul i feel like you can get some good spells in return for that do you want i give you your magic for a reason so that i get something in return may i have that soul i mean what do you got i gotta i gotta i gotta yeah what are we gonna do with the soul whereas like i could that could help me which ultimately helps us so we're cool with just giving a child's soul to some mystery voice in Hank's head.
The child needs to learn his lesson. He shouldn't go exploring caves all really new.
You're exactly right. All right, Hank, do what you got to do.
He's the plug. And you do have an addiction.
You got to support the plug. Okay.
As you agree to this. Put a bookmark in this moment.
I'm i whatever you guys think no no you're right

you need your spells you are right you need your spells you've not you're nothing if you don't have spells i wouldn't yeah i literally don't know what i would do without him right there is almost this vision of a hand beckoning to you in your vision and you know you shake the hand and as you do you hear the voice thanks again i'm going off to heaven oh what's what's happening What's happening?

Oh, no!

Oh!

You hear flames and then chuckling laughter echoing throughout your mind and screams. I'm sure it's nice down there.
100%. You got your spells, though.
Oh, and Hank, you also can write down you have nine extra hit points now. Whenever you kill an enemy and reap their soul, you gain an extra nine HP you want to okay boom and just hand it over a child's soul they're like very very good turn inspiration anymore get out of the what like what is there uh part of the deal is you keep getting your spells yeah i'm sure you can do some like card tricks and shit later i mean, plus 9 HP.
Yeah. One for a soul?

And you gain 9 HP, you gain all your spells,

and your patron also says,

next time fire Eldritch Blast, you get two of those, actually,

instead of your light crossbow.

Are we all aware, are our characters aware

of what Hank's doing right now behind our backs?

Technically, all you know is he just killed a zombie for you.

Okay.

You're welcome.

He's having his own little private conversation.

That is correct. That is happening in your mind, Ehrlich.
But we also know. Like right now.
You can roll, everyone can roll an insight check to see if you know and on some level, yeah. It's definitely, you're seeing some effects.
Six. Six, I would say you're not fully aware of what's going on in his mind.
For usual. So I mean like our goal of entering the cave wasn't necessarily to save the kids.
It's kind of just to find out what's happening. We kind of knew when their bodies never turned up and we had discovered this was a necromancer.
We were probably not going to be saving anybody but we were going to be laying them to rest perhaps. I don't think that our plan was to find these kids and send them to hell.
It was probably to like... Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No one said it was hell. He's just going to my dealer's house.
No, you said a demon. A demon.
Where do you think a demon might live? Dude, you never know. You never know.
Maybe he's just trying to support his family. That's the only way he knows how.
You send him to demon time. Yeah, but like there's good demons too.
You elevate the issue to the proper people.

Your hands are clean.

Yeah, you know what?

I'm not going to roll insight check because I know.

It's not for me to already know what Hank's doing.

The fact that he's a warlock is probably enough, honestly.

Yeah.

Okay.

And Gargable, that would be bringing us to your turn next.

The zombies are slain now.

So this ambush, this trap waiting for us in the doorway of this cave been neutralized up ahead you can see a locked door on the right and you can see a tunnel on the left what would you like so um as a cave dweller right yes um i want to go spelunking down the tunnel yes 100 you can absolutely i will let you are you doing this stealthily Are you doing it very aware and carefully? Like, are you making, you can make a perception check or a stealth check as a bonus action as you're kind of moving ahead. What do we think? I kind of just want to barge down that tunnel.
Me and the hippo. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. Only thing is just that we're, there is enemies everywhere.
I don't know. They're above us, and then we've got two big signals from each side.
I just don't want a situation where we cause a noise, and then everyone just kind of surrounds us. But maybe they fight each other.
We don't know if they're all on the same team. So we have enemies above us to the sides.
And the dragon somewhere. And the child's soul in hell.
I'll say this. You think you've eliminated the enemies who had registered as being above.
It was the zombies we just took down. But you know that the undead dragon signal was coming from ahead and on the right.
The other powerful undead signal was coming from ahead and on the left. You're being real judgy towards the demon.
The left is the locked door. Locked door on the right.
And that was where the dragon signal was coming from.

Oh, the locked door's on the right.

I want to go down the tunnel to the left to the other.

Yes, that's towards the other signal.

I think that could be the necromancer who's pulling the strings.

Absolutely.

What if it's one of the kids?

It could be another kid that Hank could sell for more spells.

We haven't ruled out one of the kids being the necromancer, by the way.

True. We need to keep Hank...
away from children. No, no.
We need to keep feeding him souls. I don't think we would like Hank if he needs his fix.
Yeah, he is going to get grumpy in about 20 minutes. All right, so I hop on the hippo and he tiptoes stealthily down the tunnel.
All right, you're using your bonus action to be stealthy. Go ahead and roll a d20 plus six to see how stealthy you can be.
The hippo is tiptoeing. 16.
Nice. 16, absolutely.
And that's before the plus six. Yep.
So that's a 22. You can tell that as you're tiptoeing down this tunnel, you're reaching this network of different tunnels.
It's like there was an earthquake here or something that caused a bunch of cracks in the rock and sort of a star shape. You're heading towards this nexus of different tunnels, most of which you can tell are not real tunnels.
You can see two of them already that just end in dead ends, but you can't tell which are real tunnels and which aren't but you know you're not alone in these tunnels there are creatures that seem to be fighting over bones and pieces of flesh i'd like you to make a nature check to see if you can identify what these creatures are and you get an extra actually you have advantage on this because they are obviously some kind of undead.

So you can roll a d20 plus,

I think you have a plus four for nature.

Is that right?

Yes.

Absolutely.

Roll a d20 plus four two times to see if you can identify what these creatures are

and see what you know about them.

17.

17, absolutely.

Roll one more time.

Just see if you do any better than that.

But that's already a 21 total.

16. 16.
We'll ignore that one with the 21 you know what these are and what the danger is you are seeing a pack of no fewer than four heroin addicts and you can tell that they're creatures undead creatures they're kind of like the vampires from uh i am legend or like the fast zombies from 28 days later. Have you ever seen that? Absolutely.
100%. They're all pale, maggoty flesh, mouth full of jagged teeth, black gums, and long claws growing out of their hands.
You can see one of them crack a leg bone open. Start like with a long black tongue trying to eat the marrow out of it.
And they're fighting at each other, especially the little one, the new ghoul who recently got converted. There is a tiny little child ghoul who is fighting with the other three ghouls to get little morsels of flesh.
Now, you know, the danger here is that ghouls have a paralyzing touch. If you are alone, they can very much gang up on you.
And if one of their claws manages to paralyze you, you're frozen in place. And then they just drag you off and slowly devour you.
But there's an opportunity here also. You know that ghouls are one of the few enemies that will get distracted by like a piece of a corpse thrown in their direction they may prioritize that over actually fighting enemies who are fighting them but also if they take you down they will focus on eating you rather than fighting your teammates so that's also a danger potentially now most importantly they haven't noticed you yet and you still have your action you and your hippo you could charge them and attack or you could do something else yes i think i'm going to say hippo chomp because i don't think they'll be able to break the hippo skin and paralyze it okay yeah there's a possibility they

won't be able to get through your hippo's armor class maybe yeah totally yeah so i'm going to

send him ahead i think one hippo can take three ghouls or four there are four ghouls in all i think

that's a solid matchup absolutely 100 i'd like you to charge with your hippo your hippo can take three ghouls or four. There are four ghouls in all.
I think that's a solid matchup. Absolutely, 100%.
I'd like you to charge with your hippo. Your hippo is going to have advantage on this attack roll because he's surprising these ghouls.
Roll two d20s and take the higher number to see if your hippo hits. Seven.
Seven might not do it, but roll one more time. Oh, no.
R.I.P. Oh, no.
Oh, no. Damn it.
It's this hippo's fucked. Now, no I'm gonna say that your hippo probably has a plus five to hit which means it's a 12 and that is just barely a hit against the ghoul on the dot just barely a hit animal handling I have a plus six there you go absolutely you're great at training youro.
I think it would have a plus five to hit then. Okay.
So I would like you to please roll 2d6 plus three damage. That's the cube-shaped die.
You want to roll the square, the cubic die two times, add it up, and then add plus three. Okay.
Four. Four.
Armor is making it a little tough as natural. There's encumbrance there.
Seven total plus three is going to be a ten total against, were you aiming for the child ghoul or one of the adult ghouls? One of the adult ghouls. One of the adult ghouls takes ten points of damage.
It is injured, but it is not dead just yet, I am am sorry to say it is maybe halfway dead as your hippo chomps onto its leg all right let's out a howl of pain and then you still have your action you could rush into melee with your hippo and stab one of them twice or you could stay back and shoot two arrows at one of these ghouls i'm'm going to shoot arrows because I don't want to get paralyzed.

Absolutely.

Go ahead and roll a d20.

I know it says plus nine there, but since you're a melee specialist,

it would actually only be plus seven for you with your bow,

but still very likely to hit.

Roll a d20.

That's actually a d12, so we'll ignore that one. You want to roll a d20 plus seven.

16 plus seven is going to be a solid hit for 1d8 plus three damage so go ahead and roll that damage the d8 is that yellow die just next to the green d6 yes eight plus three and were you attacking the ghoul you had already injured with the hippo Yes. finish off that ghoul ghoul number one is down immediately three ghouls left including the child ghoul you still can take another shot do you want to aim at one of the other ghouls and let loose another arrow i'm kind of on a roll right here so yeah absolutely go uh which ghoul are you shooting at a child ghoul or one of the adult ghouls i don't know do we want to give hank his fix again is it tim is it possible with a ghoul can we redeem a ghoul a ghoul is intelligent enough you can talk to it but with that role you've never heard of a ghoul being redeemed before so you think they can be reasoned with but they're so hungry all the time.
It's like a vampire.

They have an uncontrollable need to feed.

I feel like we gotta kill that ghoul too.

Can we make any of them our ghoul friend? You could try to, certainly. You know it would be very

difficult though, but not as impossible

as with the zombie. The gimp in Pulp Fiction,

we could put them in a box

and let them loose when we need them. If you feed

him little morsels of flesh, you could make a ghoul

do a lot of shit.

Sounds pretty hot.

Absolutely, yeah.

Thanks, I do it.

100%.

So with that last shot, are you taking that shot

or are you holding it off?

I'm taking the shot.

I'm just trying to, I'm shooting for the legs.

I'm trying to, I would like to talk to this guy.

Absolutely, and you're aiming for an adult ghoul.

Is that right?

Or the child ghoul? Let's take out the adult ghoul and then we can figure out how to cor to this guy. Absolutely.
And you're aiming for an adult ghoul. Is that right? Or the child ghoul?

Let's take out the adult ghoul, and then we can figure out how to corral the little one

and make him our pet.

Headshot at the adult ghoul.

Absolutely.

Let's see if you can get him in the head.

If you get a 20, then it's right in the head.

Roll a d20 plus seven.

Oh, Jesus.

Now, you were ambushing them, though, so roll one more time. You have advantage on this.
on this hey big cat could you put my armor back on uh what's what's that roll that's eight eight plus seven would be a 15 that is a hit now i should have given you an advantage on the first one so just roll one more time just to make sure you didn't get a 20 on that first one but you definitely hit with this second one i just want to make sure i didn't just deny you a critical hit since you're talking about headshots. Okay, never mind.
I was just making sure that first one but you definitely hit with this second one i just want to make sure i didn't

just deny you a critical hit since you're talking about headshots okay never mind i was just making sure that first one wasn't a critical hit you hit with the first and the second shot so the second shot is going to be 1d8 plus three damage okay all right oh yeah the yellow one again yeah that that one next to the d4. The D8.
The D8, bingo. Right here.
D8 plus three. Okay, that's going to be five damage on this ghoul.
So you've got three ghouls left. A child ghoul and two adult ghouls.
One of the adult ghoul, you got him. You were aiming for the head.
It winged his shoulder, unfortunately, and did not quite get him halfway dead yet, but he's close. And that will beabool's turn gargabool very good stuff that's your move action and bonus that is going to bring us to the goblin and the ogre next i love the squire situation we got going on here absolutely now the goblin and the ogre are kind of watching what we're doing talking amongst themselves in what appears to be the goblin tongue.
But they're not helping us out right now unless somebody wants to shout at them to help us. So unless I hear somebody shouting at them, they are just going to kind of ready their action to do something else on their turn.
And in fact, I'll just roll to make sure. They appear.

And let me see how well they're hiding this.

They're doing a very bad job hiding this.

They're getting ready to betray us.

While we're fighting the ghouls up ahead right now,

you can tell that the ogre and the goblin have picked up their weapons.

And they're taking readied actions.

Because, Norm, you ran ahead.

No one's keeping them pinned down anymore.

They reach for their weapons.

They pick up their weapons.

She doesn't have her knife, but she does have her shortbow now.

and he has picked up his club they're getting ready to ambush us but only once more of us have gone ahead to go deal with the ghouls uh and we know that because they have done a terrible job hiding it so that is going to bring us to the ghouls turn next actually i'm sorry to say the ghouls look up they start to like almost unhinge their jaws like the vampires in blade a little bit like their jaws start to split open and they start to rush toward you they are each going to make claw attacks the ghoul you injured manages to get a 15 can i ask what is your armor, sorry, that's a 17. What is your armor class? My armor class? Where would that be? Sorry, that would be at the top of your sheet.
16. 16, I'm sorry to say, that is just barely a hit for the first ghoul, and that ghoul is going to be dealing a total of six points of damage.
Can I ask how many hit points do you have normally, Gargabool?

52, I think?

52 health points.

52, and that means with six damage,

you are now down to, let's see, 46 left. And most importantly, I need you to roll a d20 plus one

to make sure you are not paralyzed by the ghoul's claw.

So please roll against paralysis.

D20 plus one.

Where was the hippo during all this?

The hippo?

Actually, let me just see if this first person is going after you.

We'll see if the next ghoul goes after a hippo.

I kind of assumed the hippo would have jumped in front of that attack.

The hippo would.

I would agree with that.

We can throw the hippo now. He didn't help.
attack. The hippo would.
I would agree with that. The hippo's trying to.

Yeah.

All right.

Is this the 20?

D20 plus one.

What did you roll?

An eight.

An eight plus one is a nine.

That is not enough right now, Gargaboo.

You are paralyzed by the ghoul's touch.

And that means that the ghouls are trying to rush around your hippo to get to you. I'll let you roll a d20 to see how good a job your hippo does blocking these ghouls.
Come on, mode. Let's go mode.
I'm going to roll to see how well they do. Ooh, you got to roll a good roll to prevent these ghouls from getting around the hippo.
Come on, mode. A nine.
Not enough. The ghouls, almost like one jumps onto the ceiling and scuttles along the ceiling.
One leaps off the wall, jumps over your hippo. They both land next to you.
And now since they're attacking you paralyzed, they have advantage, and they're not using their claws. They're opening up their jaws to take bites out of you.
The first attack is going to be a hit with an 18. The second attack is going to be a hit with another 18, I am sorry to say.
I'm going to break out my phone's dice roller because there's too many dice to roll at this point. The first ghoul is dealing 14 points of damage to you.
That is going to knock you down to 32 left. And got 32 left and then the last ghoul is and this is the child ghoul unhinges its little jaws and is going to be dealing 13 more damage to you they just start flensing and flaying the flesh off your bones with their jaws that is going to bring them you down to 19 hit points left.
I'm sorry to say. Your hippo's bellowing out to your teammates.
It's trying to get them to come save you. And you can see the goblin and the ogre look at each other with a smile.
They took your name personally. Okay, so but while I am paralyzed, I can still ride the hippo around.
You're still on the hippo's back it's true i would say you're still just frozen on the hippo's back you can't really ride it in fact roll 1d20 as long as you don't get a one you're still on the hippo's back it's a mess i gotta clean up 18 you're on the hippo's back securely she uh mode is keeping you on uh their back it's like's like an electric scooter for an old person

that you're on. A rascal.

Yeah.

Norm, that is going to bring us to

you next. What would you like to do?

Okay, so we've got some issues.

You guys have a paralyzed

navigator. We've got a paralyzed navigator.

We've got an ogre

and a goblin that's about to attack us from behind.

And the ogre and goblin is next to Ehrlich.

Where's the ogre and goblin?

Yeah, the ogre and the goblin would be right now, right behind Ehrlich, I would say, and Wayne.

They would actually be right next to the two of you.

You're up top.

You would have to jump down to go save him, but you could do that.

So what do I do?

Do I go save Donnie and you guys handle the ogre and goblin,

or do I come down and handle the ogre and goblin?

You know what?

I'll ride with Hank.

Hank, me and you.

Ehrlich.

You want to take out this ogre and this goblin?

Let Big Cat deal with Donnie?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know why Norm did just take him out earlier,

but I guess we can spin up his business.

Divide and conquer? You guys told me that we needed to fucking i tapped him out divide and conquer help donnie donnie's help garbagul how many guys you want me to kill for you well so far you've killed zero so that's not starting with one tim correct him uh you had taken down the first zombie yeah and i didn't sell his soul to for spells i just killed him because I was trying to help the squad. So correct that? Well, he's already dead, so I don't know if that counts.
I don't know if killing a zombie counts. That absolutely counts.
I have to. So what would you like me to do, Ehrlich? You want me to go back and save you yet again? No, I think me and Wayne can handle our own.
All right, so I'm going to go save my boy Donnie and his hippo. Absolutely.
You rush in, and you can sure enough see that this group of ghouls has surrounded and paralyzed your ranger. You can aim for the one who is injured, or you can aim for the child ghoul who looks a little weaker.
Who would you like to go for? So there's three ghouls? Three ghouls. One's at full strength, one's injured, and then one's a child ghoul.
Okay, I think I got to take down the one that's full strength. Absolutely.
Go for it. Do ghouls, like if you kill a couple ghouls, does the other one freak out? They might get scared.
It is a possibility that you can intimidate ghouls. Let's go.
Let's finish off the injured one. Absolutely.
Then I'll kill the child, and then that other guy will hopefully run like a pussy. 100%.
You can do your first attack, and I assume you are going reckless. Is that right? Always reckless.
100%. You have normal advantage now.
You can roll two d20s and take the higher number. 10.
10. It's already very good.
12. 12.
So with the 12 plus 6, that's an 18. Solid hit against the ghoul.
You were attacking the full strength. No, I was attacking the injured one.
Oh, you were attacking the injured one. Absolutely.
Go ahead and roll a d12 plus five to see if you can finish it off. Five.
Five plus five is 10 more damage. The ghoul's up to 15 damage.
It looks like it's about to go down. This injured ghoul you slashed across its chest.
Black blood sprays everywhere. It slumps against the wall and then slowly picks itself up off the rocks.
It's getting ready to attack you. It has a few hit points left.
One more attack would definitely finish it off. Roll another d20, and you have advantage because you have gone reckless.
So you can roll two times. 20.
20. Don't worry about rolling again.
You can't do better than that. Roll not 1d12, but 1d12 but 2d12 9 And then you can roll another one 4 So 13 plus another 5 Is going to be 18 damage And were you attacking the injured ghoul How would you like to splatter This ghoul to pieces What does it look like as you kill this ghoul with extreme prejudice?

I want to hold it by its hair and have it lock eyes with Mode and be like, this is for Mode and Donnie.

And then just slash its throat.

Absolutely.

You slash its throat.

And as you do so, the ghoul is watching as Mode, thanks to your critical hit, has the opportunity to put its head underneath and gobble up all the blood that is pouring out of the ghoul's head. The ghoul's still looking as this is happening as the light fades from its eyes.
And then the hippo tries to arm chomp, eat the head. Would ghoul blood be like an antidote to the paralysis? Good question.
The hippo then attempts to spit that blood into his mouth. I'm going to give you a free saving throw.
I like that. Roll a d20 plus one to see if you can break free of the ghoul paralysis.
Yeah, I'm putting some venom back in you that reverses the paralysis. All right.
Okay, so what is he rolling? I want you to roll a d20 plus one. If you roll very well on this, you break free of the paralysis.
If you roll very bad on this, then ghoul blood turns out it had the opposite effect. Oh, no.
13. 13 plus one is enough.
You break free of the ghoul paralysis. Well done.
That is fantastic. And that was some quick thinking right there.
You have managed to free your compatriot. You have finished off or you have, there we go.
Yeah, finished off ghoul number two. There is still one adult ghoul and one child ghoul left.
And you have your bonus action. Because you are raging and you are a berserker barbarian that means you can use your bonus action to either attack one more time a third time or you could use your bonus action to try to intimidate the last two ghouls whatever you'd like i'm gonna intimidate them try to get them the fuck out of here absolutely you have advantage because of the critical hit you just did they watched the ghoul uh get completely obliterated by you and the hippo.
Roll two times and take the higher number. 17.
17 is already very good. Roll one more time.
See if you do any better. 11.
Okay. And what's your intimidation bonus? Intimidation bonus plus one.
Plus one. Okay.
So in 18, I'm going to roll for each of these ghouls. The first ghoul is just barely still sticking around the adult ghoul but the child ghoul i will roll with oh perfect and i have disadvantage but i've already rolled a one the child ghoul starts to run away as the child ghoul starts running away you can take a free attack against it if you want.
Kill a child with his back turn to me?

We gotta take him out.

Yeah, fuck it.

Plus he's got that blood in him, we can get another vaccine.

Yeah, true, true, true, true.

You can roll two times on the d20 roll

to hit this child ghoul.

14.

Attack of opportunity.

3.

Okay, 14 plus 6 is a dirty 20.

You absolutely are hitting d12 plus five damage against the child ghoul. 11.
11 plus five is 16. As the child ghoul runs away, you just hack along its back, splitting it in half.
The two halves of the child ghoul fall Darth Maul style, just flipping through the air, splatting onto the ground. And then you hear in your mind a voice, Norm, and it's a much younger child, a much smaller child.
Thank you. You saved me.
Oh, this happened again. I'm free now.
I'm not a ghoul anymore. Thank you.
I can go on to what's waiting for me. So that's the other child.
Where's my friend? Where's my friend, Andrew? He's a zombie. Why is he not up here? I can see the light, but I don't see my friend.
Where is he? He's in hell. He's in hell? Why? Because Ehrlich fell.
No. Ehrlich.
Who's Ehrlich? Yeah. No, Ehrlich.
Who would have done something like that? Ehrlich did something that we knew was going to come back to fight us. Oh, no.
And he's really upset. Let me see how upset he is.
No, he's actually. Okay.
And he's dead. Who gives a fuck? Suddenly you see the ethereal shape of a ghost hovering over this ghoul.
And then suddenly it starts to corporealize. Other people can see it.
You break for your paralysis and you realize you and your hippo can both see this ghost it flits towards you kind of like ghost of christmas past style and as it floats up to you this little kid goes where's the guy where's the guy who who sent my friend to hell i want vengeance on him yeah do you point him in a particular direction oh yeah no i'm like, it was Ehrlich. Absolutely.
What does he look like?

Do you tell him what he looks like?

He's got purple hood.

I thought we weren't going to turn on Hank.

I'm not turning on him, but he asked me a question.

What am I supposed to say?

This is just remembering a fact.

Right.

I'm not saying anything.

I'm just letting him know.

This ghost kid is going to go right before your next turn, Norm.

No, it's fine.

I'm going to have to deal with this kid instead of helping you guys.

I just saved Donnie's life.

You said I couldn't do shit.

And that would be... I'm trying to, you know...

No, you're fine. Far be it that you have

consequences for your actions.

So far, you have killed like two goblins

and ghouls and saved my life and Hank has just

sent one kid to hell. Yeah.
Who then

is coming back to get us?

Well, that guy was the one that damaged you. I killed no i have not gotten any damage just just talking to okay sorry and that'll bring us to wayne's turn next wayne there's one ghoul left what would you like to do there's one ghoul left am i in the room with the ghoul you are not in the room with the ghouls you are also sorry there's one gh ghoul up ahead who they are still fighting who's going to probably go after Norm because he went reckless.
I can handle it. But you also know the ogre and the goblin are about to try to turn on us.
What would you like to do about that? That's a good question. I have a bunch of stuff I could use here.
I could do hideous laughter. Yes.
You could also come and finish off this ghoul.

Is that possible?

You could definitely go to finish off the one ghoul left. And then Erla can just catch up, just like I'm doing.

100%.

Or I could disguise myself to look like the child that he just sent to hell,

and I could just haunt him.

That's true.

And remind him of everything that he's done.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Then I'll kill you.

Are you going to kill me?

Whoa, we have a truce. We have a truce.
All right. All right.
all right you know what i want to kill hang he just said he was going to kill me i have to defend myself i was saying if you had no i'm disguised as a child to stand my ground you just told me that you were going to kill me look like if you look like an enemy i'm going to kill you so i want to disguise myself as an enemy and i said if you look like an enemy it Hey, whose turn is it, Ehrlich? It's your turn. Thank you.
You know what I'd like to do?

Remember this.

I'm not going to attack you.

I want to do hideous laughter at the ogre and the goblin

so that me and my good friend Ehrlich can make it into the next room

where nobody will turn on him.

Absolutely.

If you do hideous laughter and they fail their saving throw,

one of these two enemies will be taken out of combat for good

until they pass the saving throw and stop laughing.

Who would you like to target?

The ogre is easier, you can tell, to get with this.

I'm going to take the ogre out.

Absolutely.

Let's see how the ogre can do.

Do I tell them a joke?

How does this work?

What do you say to make him laugh?

I say, hey, ogre, have you heard about this one?

Have you seen the news? What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? What? I can't pay 20 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my chest. What? What? And you see the goblin just start to, like, shake her head, and she's just like, and she whispers in his ear.
Immediately, he starts bursting out laughing. And because you did Vicious Mockery to him, he has disadvantage on this because he hasn't done any rolls since Vicious Mockery.
So I'm going to roll two times, take the lower number for him. I'm going to take that one because that's a minus two.
That's an eight. That is a failure.
Oh, you mean poo-poo. I didn't like your joke.
You mean poo-poo. Ooh, he's very like of the slapping his knee he doesn't get it he doesn't get it he doesn't get it this is he's not a good audience he's woke he does not seem to really get it but he is bellowing out his laughter and it's filling up the woods right now let me just see if anybody nobody comes bothered by that noise.
But you can tell he's not able to fight anymore. The goblin is freaked out.
She's like, Mogra, Mogra, come on, Mogra. She starts to shake him.
She's not able to get him to stop laughing. And you can tell she doesn't want to attack us without the ogre's help.
She is too scared of you now. Well done.
Now now that is your action you can use your move if you want to move anywhere and you can use your bonus to inspire somebody here or give somebody a healing word if you want healing word would restore hit points whereas inspiration would give somebody a bonus on a particular role so where's where's donnie at right now i think i only have paralyzed 19 health points left right he's half paralyzed he is well he's not paralyzed anymore he broke free of that okay but i'm still very sick yes you are but i'm here to help you give him the healing word or you can give somebody inspiration i'd like to give you inspiration tim can i do that what like let's go let's go DM. You could give inspiration to the ogre or the goblin, but they're not on your side right now.
I just want to gas you up, Tim. You could inspiration the ghost kid who is floating around.
Those are the people I'm in control of right now. What about the ghost kid that's in hell? Can I bring him back? Can I inspire him to break free? Yeah, I'll let you inspire him 100%.
He's still aware a little bit. You give him inspiration.
I'm going to let you roll a d20 to see if you can free this kid from hell. Whoa, hey, that's a really good roll with a 19 plus whatever bonus you would add to this.
I'm going to say you pulled it off. I need you to take away those nine hit points, Hank.
You do not have those anymore kid has been freed so wait just i'm just catching up here so i've killed two ghouls and a zombie and hank has killed no one now i mean he has killed a zombie that was containing the soul of a kid the zombie's not back but the soul that he claimed is no longer claimed and his patrons your patient's pretty mad right now like, what happened? I just couldn't look myself in the mirror not being able to save this kid. And suddenly you get this vision of this kid flying up to Mount Celestial.
Oh, thanks. I appreciate it.
Oh, he's with his friend Andrew. His other friend.
This is Andrew who you just saved and his friend Mikey and him embrace in Mount Celestial. Hell yeah.
What a great story. Do you want to try to get this ghost kid no longer chasing Ehrlich? Or do you want to tell him that he still has to chase Ehrlich? You know what? We're on the same team, Ehrlich.
I'll tell him, hey, back off. I'm sorry my friend's got an addiction.
It's not like him doing this. It's the disease that he carries with him.
Absolutely. You see these two kids celebrating on sunny pastures and they are like thank you thank you we're together again you freed us we appreciate it he's no longer seeking vengeance against your warlock friend well done huge excellent that is a big big win and that is uh your second your third use of inspiration you have one more use of inspiration today before it runs out but very good, Wayne.
That is going to bring us to Ehrlich's turn. So let's take a quick break for an ad.
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And now more dungeons and dragons. Ehrlich's turn back from an ad with the soul coming back from my demon's house and into Mount whatever you call it Vesuvius my demon's house aka hell does that mean that I don't have my boosted powers you don't have you still have your normal powers but you don't have your boosted hit points or any other special gifts because I was going to use that to take out the ogre.
With the ogres on the ground laughing uncontrollably,

I took him out.

The ogre is not fighting right now.

It's true.

You're welcome.

Okay.

And the goblin isn't fighting anymore

now that the ogre has been neutralized.

But just a heads up, Hank would have.

Yeah.

I wanted to.

So are they completely removed from the equation?

Until the ogre passes a saving throw,

which he gets to do at the end of his turn. Okay.
So then I would like, I guess, I mean, we can use my skill, do some investigating, look up ahead. You can tell up ahead without an investigation check, they're still fighting one ghoul left.
So I should go up there and help him out? Absolutely. You can see down that tunnel, the one ghoul is about to rush up to norm, and you can fire Eldritch Blast pew pew at this guy, or you could launch a more powerful first, second, or even third level spell.
What would you like to do? I would like, well, yeah, I mean, I'll send a fireball if that's an option. You could send a fireball.
Send a level three fireball. Here's the problem.
Unlike Cake the Wizard, you cannot avoid a friendly fire when you launch fireballs if you launch a fireball into these tight quarters you'll hit the last ghoul you'll also hit both of them and the hippo mode don't do it it is more powerful than your eldritch blasts though that's fine hank well i'm gonna do the eldritch blast absolutely 100ritch Blast, ultimately the total damage would probably be more or less the same, as long as you hit with both of them. You fire off these beams, and your patient says, I mean, I'll give you the Eldritch Blast, but I expect souls in the long term.
It's a dream part of addiction. Roll a d20 plus 5 to see if you can hit the ghoul.
16. 16 plus 5 is a 21.
Let's just roll that second attack right away. See if you pull that off too.
Two. Two.
Oh, I'm sorry to say that second beam is not going to be hitting. But you can roll for that first beam a d10.
It's kind of shaped a little bit like the d8. And it's got a zero somewhere on it.
That is the 10. Eight.
Eight. Eight plus three, I believe, is what you have.
So that is the 10 8 8 8 plus 3 i believe is what you have so that is 11 points of damage on the school it's exactly halfway dead but unfortunately not completely dead just yet it is a close but not quite dead and unfortunately you missed with the second blast um did you want to put a hex on this ghoul for additional damage as a bonus action? What if I use Lola the Imp to attack? Oh, yes, you could. You can have Lola fly forward.
Since you haven't done anything with Lola yet, she could be invisible right now. You have her fly forward cackling.
She lands on this ghoul, and she can sting the ghoul if you want. Do you want to do that? I would love to do that.

She would have advantage because she's invisible.

Roll a d20 plus five two times.

That's a 10.

11.

11 plus five is a hit with a 16.

Now, here's the good news.

She's going to deal one d4 plus three damage.

The bad news is ghouls are immune to poison,

so no additional poison damage. But that'll be the d4, the pyramid-shaped die, plus three.
That'll be whatever number's on top. Four? Four! There you go! Plus three is seven! That is enough to finish the ghoul off just barely.
Way to go. It just sticks right through its neck, it slumps to the ground, starts to get up again, she keeps stabbing it through the neck again.
It slumps to the ground again, and she just keeps finishing it off finally. Last ghoul is down.
Well done. Congrats, Alec.
You killed the ghoul. Shout out Lola.
Your first ghoul. I have two.
His imp. His imp killed the ghoul.
Not him. And then Lola the imp looks over at Mode, and she just kind of puts up a little fist to give him a little pound.
This is beautiful. Would Mode give a little pound back with his? Yes.
Absolutely. The hippo and Lola kind of giving each other a fist bump.
Yeah. Absolutely.
And then she tries to go like, ah, and like tries to, as soon as she realizes he's friendly, tries to hop on his back. Do you allow her to do this? She's a little winged imp.
Well, I mean, if she has wings, I don't know really why she needs to hitch a ride. She doesn't.
Totally gratuitous. But there's room.
There is room. She's very tiny.
And I don't want to get on the imp's bad side. So I'm going to let her perch on the hippo with me.
Absolutely. She perches on the hippo's back, and she grabs Mode's ears and starts playing with them a little bit in a slightly annoying way.
But Mode just rolls their eyes a little bit. It doesn't seem to mind.
It's like how in Africa there's always a bird riding on the back. Very much so.
Absolutely. Yeah, it's perched right on the head, and you just see the scorpion tail that the simp has sort of massaging along the head.
She's like, I could sting i won't but i could tim i have a question i obviously this is about you know protecting my friends making sure they're safe but what's up with this dead uh soul this dead soul sorry the the was it the it's gone man it's gone just died andrew let's go with mikey Only the kids have souls. Mikey was the ghoul who got killed and went to Mount Celestia.
And then Andrew was the... It's gone, man.
The ghoul that just died? It's gone. Andrew, let's go.
He's up with Mikey. Only the kids have souls.
Mikey was the ghoul who got killed and went to Mount Celestia, and then Andrew was the zombie kid you killed, and then you had reaped his soul until his soul got freed, essentially by the inspiration. But this ghoul I just killed, no soul.
No soul. I mean, it did have a soul, but it's been a ghoul for so long, and it wasn't a kid, so it didn't really...
It doesn't matter. I was it didn't really i'm sorry though you did kill an enemy so you did reap a soul you get nine hit points looking for that actually looking for effects and your patron is like well that's that that person when they were alive was kind of a shitty individual uh about typical to end up here and you hear someone grumbling in the background like where the fuck is the like the fridge around here? And you hear your patron go, there's no fridge.
It's hell. Go burn in the fire.
And you hear this guy like, all right, fine. And that was, that guy was apparently not very nice when he was alive as a human.
Relax, Hank. It's a little early in the day for souls.
Absolutely. You've got a lot of souls.
I was just curious. I don't even want it.
You're sold out. And if you need it, you do have those nine hit points that your patron just gave you for reaping the soul of that individual.
But Ehrlich, great turn. That is going to bring us to Gargable's turn.
Gargable, what would you like to do? The ghouls have been defeated now. And actually, it's perfect that it's your turn because right now there are no enemies.
There is the locked door that we passed by. But then we also know there are many tunnels and we don't know which of them are real or which of them aren't you could use your bonus action to make a survival check to tell which way you could go from here or you could double back to the locked door whatever you'd like to do i'd like to keep working my way down the tunnel absolutely um and can i also tell hank that the imp is now mine uh oh yes you can say that 100 yeah your imp is now mine is that how that works yeah can i do that says yeah totally but you know your imp is lying that's not really how it works but you don't know he's stronger than your imp he could grab your imp and just like crush.
Yeah. I don't know.
That'd be just sweet to have, like, a flying animal. And is an imp an animal? It's a humanoid? An imp is not an animal.
An imp is a kind of little demon creature, a devil that sits on your shoulder. The moment you say this imp is mine and the imp goes, oh, yeah, totally, she flies up and lands on your shoulder and says, listen, I give great advice.
You should listen to what I say, and I'm going to help you out. We're buddies now.
Okay, so we're going to do that survival check to figure out which tunnel to go down. Roll a d20 plus six to see if you can figure out which tunnel is real and which are dead ends.
Twelve. Nice.
Okay, plus six is an 18. That is enough that you can tell a couple of things.
First of all, most of the tunnels here are dead ends, except for two. You were coming from the east, and now you know two tunnels go forward.
One is a tunnel to the southwest on your left-hand side. That tunnel goes on for a long time, and you can see lots of footprints come and go from that tunnel.
And then on the right-hand side, on the northwest, there's one set of footprints. They're not zombie footprints.
They're not ghoul footprints. Just shoes that go up a set of steep stairs on the right-hand side, on the northwest.
We're going to follow the one set of footprints? Okay, absolutely. You start to go up these steep stairs.
You think you're going forward 10 feet and then up like 20 feet up these steep stairs,

almost like a ladder,

and you find yourself reaching a solid doorway.

You're surprised because it has a lock on it,

but the lock is not locked,

and there's like iron bands on this door.

You would almost call this like a vault door kind of,

but it's not locked right now.

Would you like to pop this door open?

Yeah.

Absolutely.

You pop the door open, and in this small room, you see three things. One is a window against a wall that is shaped like an arrow slit, perfect for you to take a position at and shoot down into a much larger room, and you can hear just barely a voice coming through that window of someone.
Yes, skeletons. Yes, work faster.
And then you also notice in this room two identical chests that are locked. One on the left, one on the right.
What would you like to do here? Still got your action. Okay.
Do I have any way to open the chest? You could try to pick the lock. That would be a D20 plus three for you.
And you know you need to get at least a 15 or higher. So not that easy.
Or you could just run over and try to bust the chest open with an athletics check or use your sword to hack it open. You can even have your hippo rush up and knock one of the chests open if you wanted him to.
I feel like a hippo walking on a chest. That's going to snap.
100%. The hippo would be very good at this.
Do you want the hippo to charge the chest on the left or the chest on the right? The one on the left. The one on the left.
Absolutely. Your hippo charges that chest.
Roll a d20 plus five to make sure your hippo can hit that chest with full speed at its weakest spot. 13.
13 plus five is an 18. That's a solid hit.
Roll 2d6 plus 3. As long as you can get a 8 or higher, you break enough of the lid to reach into the chest.
2d6 plus 3. That's the d6.
Bingo. 5.
So far is great. Roll another one.
So far you dealt 8 damage. Boom! 9 points of damage.
That's enough that you don't completely break the lid off, but you break a hole in the lid. A hippo runs over, chomps the lock off the lid, and breaks the whole locking mechanism off.
There's now a hole in the lid. You can see gold and gemstones.
You think there's a thousand gold pieces worth of treasure inside of that chest and you now can reach in and start taking all the gold out if you want to with your action or you can do something else in this room but so far the hippo has used his turn you've got your action now okay now you also said there's that window with the arrow but if i shot an arrow through that would that alert the person in there certainly would presence but right now you do have the element of surprise you think whoever is talking down there is not looking up at the window at the moment they're like 20 feet below you right now okay guys are something out there yeah yeah so gold in one chest do we think there's something more important in the other one yeah i mean like is gold of any use to us we can bring it back and buy healing potions magic weapons with a thousand gold you could do a lot okay we're gonna share the gold can i take a swing can i send the hippo at the other chest or no i can't send the hippo but you could take a swing at the other chest. Definitely.
I feel like that chest might have something we really need.

I'll take a swing.

Absolutely.

So you're just walking up to the chest.

You're going to smash it open.

Roll a d20 plus six to see if you can smash the chest open.

You hit it as long as you get a ten.

Seven.

Oh, is that a seven?

Yes.

Plus six is a 13.

That's still a hit on the chest.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

You can roll one d6 plus three damage. Remember, I'm right behind you donnie so we can we can deal with this yes yes now the goal is probably what the ogre and the goblin were looking for maybe yes they were saying they were looking for treasure yeah four four plus three is seven you deal seven points of damage you start to hack the chest open, but you're not completely breaking through the lid just yet with seven points of damage.
You just need to hit it one more time. Roll another d20 plus five, because you do get two attacks on your action.
16. 16, you absolutely then strike the lock and locking mechanism off the chest.
It breaks open, and you can see the chest on the right is filled with rocks for some reason. God damn it, Big Cat.
Just ordinary rocks. Okay.
And that is when you notice that this chest is part of the floor. It is installed into the ground, and you're only noticing that because just below the chest you think you can hear like little wheels turning and then you realize it must be a pulley system because in the wall next to you there are more wheels and gears turning and then you realize they connect to wheels and gears in the ceiling and that is when you look up and realize what seemed like a secure stone ceiling has wires holding rocks in place.
Suddenly the wires begin to break. Booby trap.
This room is collapsing in. I need you to roll a D20 plus five because you're actually very good at this.
It's okay. You've already saved me once.
I'm sure you'll save me again. Roll a D d20 plus five you need a 13 or higher ceiling is going to collapse or else the whole ceiling is going to fall on you or at least most of it fuck i can hide underneath mode um you are you using mode for cover i mean i feel like that would 100 kill mode that would yeah yeah we'll see i need to roll higher than a what you need to get a 13 or higher i need you to tell me in advance are% kill mode.
That would. Yeah, we'll see.
I need to roll higher than a what?

You need to get a 13 or higher.

I need you to tell me in advance,

are you using mode for cover before you roll?

Because mode will give you advantage on this.

You'll get to roll two times,

take the higher number,

but that's sacrificing mode.

Otherwise, you need to roll

and mode needs to roll

if you're both trying to jump to freedom.

I think we got to sacrifice mode.. Oh, no.
I don't know. Oh, no.
You're right. Are we going to need Mode? I don't know.
Mode served a valuable purpose. Well, you got Lola on there, too.
You're just taking her out as well. That's true.
Lola is on here and is going to need to make a jump for it can they all jump underneath lola they could yeah

if you jump under a mode then lola will do the same but no could they could mode and don't know you can cover up lola but lola can't cover up you guys she's too tiny okay i'm gonna i'm gonna hide under mode you're gonna hide under mode please roll with advantage and i'm gonna start rolling damage. Oh, 11 so

far, plus another

6, 17 damage is going to finish

off. You're going to hide under mode.
Please roll with advantage, and I'm going to start rolling damage. Oh, 11 so far, plus another 6, 17 damage is going to finish off mode, but let's see if he is saving you from that damage.
It's all my fault. Fuck.
Then you get another roll. A seven? Yes, another roll thanks to mode now.
Thanks to mode. Thanks to mode.
Do it for mode. Let's hope her death was not in vain.
That will put me in a tough spot. All right, here we go.
11. 11 plus 5 is a 16.
That's enough that you are not taking any damage, but Mode is crushed underneath the rocks. As you pick yourself up from under the rocks, you can see that the ceiling is now real all these rocks have collapsed down onto you mode looks up at you and mode has never spoken the common tongue before but mode just and you know that mode is like saying like be good as mode then oh my god the never-ending story when the horse drowns in the mud I'm sorry Donnie I fucked this up Yeah this is like Kentucky Derby 13 already good Let me just see if she gets a crit 5 But with a 13 plus 5 on that Suddenly Lola pokes her head out of the rubble as well And she says ah well Ah, well, so it goes.
And you can now...

Well, sorry, that was your action

and Mode's action.

So that is your whole turn then, Gargabool.

And that is going to bring us...

The ghouls are dead.

What did you think was better than gold?

I don't know, dude.

It could have been something

that answered all of our questions.

Super gold.

Yeah, you never know.

Some sort of potion?

The ogre keeps laughing.

The ogre is not breaking free of your spell.

That's going to bring us to Norm next.

I don never know. Some sort of potion? The ogre keeps laughing.
The ogre is not breaking free of your spell. That's going to bring us to Norm next.
Norm, you heard a collapse and you're aware, Gargable, you heard from the window, what's that? What's going on up there in my vault? And it sounds like someone down in that room beyond the window is angry. Norm, I've got an idea.
Okay know erlich's over here jonesing for souls as the ultimate team guy i would like you to kill me to feed hank's soul habit okay to make hank even better i don't need more and more powerful he needs to go to peloton yeah got it yeah yeah okay um can i offer well can he kill himself can I offer up my soul can he kill himself so I don't waste my turn wait can we put his soul inside my hippo oh reanimate you could I'll let you roll for it yeah totally 100% you're killing yourself I'm your soul and to put your soul into the body of the hippo to save the hippo yes exactly to help the team roll for that this will be a religion check yeah d20 amazing I was unless you got a 20 or higher gonna gonna say absolutely nothing happened. With a critical hit, Wayne, you take your own sword, drive it into your own stomach, and we literally see your spirit leave your body, fly over to the hippo, enter the hippo's body, and suddenly, not only are you in the hippo's body, you wake up, and you can do all the things you could normally do.
You can talk, you can cast spells, you can do everything. You're Wayne, but you're in the body of the hippo.
Congratulations. So we should see who would make a good hippo here.
My voice sounds exactly like Max, even though it's me. Yeah, that guy.
Yes. Yeah, you'd make a good hippo, Max.
You're now, Max, you're over here. Yeah, you're a hippo.
As a hippo, as me being a hippo. Yeah.
Gotta give him a hat. Yeah.
Yeah, sunglasses. Wait, stand up.
Let's see if you'd make a good hippo. Turn around, turn around.
Yeah. I think he's a good hippo.
Well, let's ask Tim. Tim, do you think that, you've never met Max before, right? Do you think Max would be a good hippo? I think that this is a juvenile hippo and not a full-size hippo.
And it's a medium-sized character like all of us in this room. And so perhaps could qualify.
Yeah, absolutely. Oh, you're wearing a pink shirt, too.
It's perfect. Getting the vibes.
I love it. Okay.
All right. So we got our hippo back.
Absolutely. The hippo has returned.
And that was on was on your turn norm so now all right so we're it's a room full of full of rocks yes so you know that there were two ways to go he went up the stairs and the room was full of rocks but you could climb over the rocks to get to that window if you wanted to okay or you could take the other tunnel that he did not scout ahead you tell me because i fucked you so you so you tell me what we should do. The other tunnel had a lot of footprints.
I feel like we're going to run into a horde of ghouls. Okay.
But I feel like that dude on the other side of the window could be a vital character. Okay.
All right, so let's do the window. Absolutely.
You climb up the stairs, you go through the open doorway, climb over all these rocks, and you get to this open window. It it's narrow but you could just barely try to squeeze through it especially you'd be good at it because you're good at athletics and you can see on the other side of this window a ledge with a ladder leading down 20 feet to a room the size of almost a football field maybe like a volleyball court sized cavern here very long and you notice at the far end of this cavern is a tunnel that must connect to the other tunnel you didn't take so we didn't take the front entrance we're looking down from the side window but you can see the front entrance and you can also see another tunnel that seems to be on the other side of the room and you don't know where that tunnel leads but right next to that tunnel maybe 20 feet below you just ahead of you is a human figure with a zombie on other either side of him and you see these zombies are swollen up with green gas inside of their body they're kind of like stumbling around almost rippling like big water balloons kind of and this human is wearing robes that indicate that he went to wizard school.
He's still wearing his wizard student robes, but it's clear these robes are tattered. This guy got kicked out of wizard school probably for performing necromancy.
He's giving orders to the two zombies. Who's up there in that vault? What's going on? Wait, you! Who is that up there? Skeletons! And he snaps to his zombies first, but then he snaps to the skeletons, and you see three tables between him and the front door where skeletons are hard at work stitching zombies back together.
All the skeletons look up at you. They begin to draw bows and knock arrows to point in your direction.
And then he calls out, everyone, we have intruders. And that is when we hear the locked door we never opened come bursting open.
And we hear the roar of something that sounds like a very tired dragon. Oh, no.
Come roaring from that locked door behind us. So I walked in on a scene.
Yes, absolutely. There's a lot going on here.
And you can see this necromancer is about to run for the tunnel that you don't know where it goes while he leaves his zombies and skeletons and dragon to deal with us. What would you like to do, Norm? Okay.
Do I waste a move if I can, can I beckon the whole crew to me? You can, I would say, because they'd already, that's a free action. Totally.
Okay. So I want all my boys back to your team.
Yeah. I want all my, I want Ehrlich.
I want, I want a mode, the hippo. I want Donnie.
I want everyone with me. So we're like the Avengers.
We're ready. Yes we're ready yes absolutely we're gonna form up everyone's gathering to where you are i feel that i feel good about that okay let's talk this through i think i have to kill i have to go for the fucking uh main guy the tattered wizard guy right yeah he controls it do you have any stealth because i think he set up a defense where it's like you can't get to him if you try and just i'll tell you this but if you have some type of stealth it's too late for stealth but if you were to jump through the window you could feasibly land right next to the necromancer by jumping over his zombies if you roll well you won't take damage and you'll land right next to him and then you can still do do an attack against him.
All right, so let's do that. Good call.
100%. All right.
Good roll. D20, and you have advantage on this.
This will be the rest of your move. 19.
19. Already very good.
Roll one more time just to make sure you don't critical hit, because I'll give you advantage on your attack. 18.
Okay, with a 19 plus 6, that's a 24. You take no damage.
You land right next to the Necromancer he's going what is the my undead minion show what the hell what the fuck and as you land next to him he didn't expect you to get so close so quickly he says my undead will protect me no no and he's trying to stumble away from you but it's too late you can go reckless against him and you can roll two times on this next attack that's bad it's not ideal three three so a five but you have a plus six on this as you swing your great axe down upon him with an 11 total it's about to hit him on the shoulder, you think. He's trying to dodge out of the way.
And then as it's about to hit his shoulder, mage armor appears on him. This illusory armor floats around him.
This greenish armor appears as a shoulder plate and deflects the attack, I am sorry to say, just barely. But you get a second attack.
You can roll again with your action two times. 16.
16. So far, so good.
12. 12.
So we'll take the 16. Plus six is a 22.
You get him right across the chest this time. Roll 1d12 plus five damage.
Okay, let's go boys. Do it for Wayne mode.
10! 10 plus 5 is 15 damage against the Necromancer. You think in a single strike, he may already be halfway dead.
He roars, absolutely not! This is unacceptable! But what he doesn't know is you're a berserker barbarian you have a bonus action still you could intimidate him or you can take one more attack against what do you guys think guys fuck him up kill him so do we need to learn anything from him before he's killed not necessarily this guy is behind all the missing children all children, all the missing disappearances. We might want to interrogate him, but that's up to us.
Yeah, let's kill him. I mean, yeah.
Do you think if we kill him, all the other zombies are going to die? I think so. You think that might be the case? Being an undead hunter, you know for sure.
Five mind mentality? Okay, so what am I rolling here? Final attack. You have advantage on this roll.
Two D20s and add plus six to the higher one. Thirteen.
Thirteen. Okay.
Two. Okay, with a thirteen, plus six is a nineteen.
You know that his mage armor and dexterity are not enough to protect him. You're swinging it right at his head.
And as the axe comes down upon his head at the very last minute, he claps his hands and casts a shield

spell that protects him.

Bring his armor class up to 20

on the dot. You

miss by just one

point. He stumbles backwards

and says, protect me

my undead minions. You

dare hurt me? Your

life force shall

fuel my power

and your corpse shall serve in my army. And he is going to roll into initiative now.
He did not roll very well, but what you can tell he is doing on initiative count four is he starts to conjure up dark energy in his hands and he kind of makes the horns a little bit and then suddenly his two fingers grow into vampiric fangs that he's trying to swing at your neck as though to drain your blood. But he doesn't get to do that yet.
Wayne would be up next. Our hippo, who's now hippo mode.
Our hippo would be up. Yeah, all right, we need a big roll roll so the hippo looks up and in theory what would you like to do you could jump through the window to charge at the necromancer if you like he's about to kill me yeah yeah yeah i gotta come absolutely please roll an athletics check for the hippo that'll be a d20 plus five are you sure you don't have like a like any plans at the beach or anything um i do, but I can skip it.
Okay, all right. It's fine.
It's fine. Good, good.
11. 11 plus 5 is a 16.
That is just enough to take half damage from the fall. So it would just be half of this.
Five points of damage to the hippo is not enough to take the hippo down though you still have most of your hit points you have about 10 hit points left still so you land next to the necromancer you're in melee with him you can make one attack roll with your bite attack can i throw this out there tim so our hippo is kind of a special hippo really good at kissing so smooching absolutely and he has the zombie blood on his lip that's true so do you think you could kiss this guy to death 100 if you try to kiss him i say you can try to deal damage by kissing him and you can try to deliver the ghoul blood to see if you can paralyze this guy perhaps kiss a very effective kiss attack i'm gonna kiss this guy so hard absolutely kiss him as hard as you can. Full hippo brute force.
This can't not hurt to get kissed by a hippo. 17.
17. My boy kisses the best.
That's a great kiss. Great kiss.
Ooh, right against the necromancer's side. That is higher than a 20, even with his shield running.
A 22 is going to be a hit against him. Roll 2d6 plus 3 damage, and I'm going to roll his saving throw.
He's not paralyzed, I'm sorry to say, by your ghoul blood. He has maybe inoculated himself a little bit against it.
Well, because when the hippo kissed me, that actually made me unparalleled. That's a very good point, actually.
This Kisso, this Kisso, I just called him a Kisso. You can roll that d6 two times.
It would be a shame if whoever's editing this on the green screen just, you know, made Max's face into hippo's face. He just goes around smooching everyone.
Just got a one. A one is a bummer, but you get one more.
And a three. A three.
So four plus another three is seven more damage against the Necromancer. The Necromancer is badly injured at 22 points of damage.
Maybe one or two more attacks. We'll finish him off, but he's not down just yet, nor is he paralyzed.
And that is going to bring us to Ehrlich's turn. All right, good kissing.
What would you like to do? I think we just got to take this guy out. I know that there's potential to cause some harm to the hippo and to Eldrick, or to Norm, but I think we got to do the fireball.
Just go for it. Absolutely.
You're going for the fireball, even though it's going to hit. To be fair, it's going to hit both of the zombies, but it's also going to hit Norm, and it's going to hit the hippo.
We'll kill him, right? That's cool. Absolutely.
It's probably not. The hippo, I don't know about.
But yeah, we'll see. Now, the damage you deal with a fireball is not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, but eight D six.
Would you like to roll that on my phone or would you like to roll that on physical dice? I'll roll on physical dice. Absolutely.
So what are you trying to get here? In theory, to kill the Necromancer. First of all, I'll roll to see if the Necromancer is taking half damage or not.
The Necromancer is not taking half damage. To finish off the Necromancer, all you need is eight hit points.
You're going to do it. But we need to see if you're also going to be killing the hippo or not.
So unfortunately, that's a d20. It looks like you're going to be rolling d6s.s you're going to be rolling eight of them i would roll them probably two at a time or four at a time if you have enough i got more d6s there we go there you got four four excellent so add up all those and then do it again oh i see one six five five okay so 17 so far.
Come on, Erlich. Four, six, four, four.
Six. Nice.
Four, six, four. 18.
Four, 35. 18 more.
That's going to be 35. The necromancer and his two zombies are obliterated.
It's like a grenade went off. They go splattering across the room.
However, and to be fair, the poison gas inside those zombies on a fireball burns up immediately. So your teammates are safe from that.
However, Hippo, I'm going to need you to roll first. A dexterity saving throw.
Question for you, Tim. So if we were doing stats at the end, that kill would be mine mine right like i i was the one who loosened the jar you definitely loosened the jar for sure on that 100 percent isn't hockey well i'm just saying i was the one who did the damage to be fair a 35 would have one shot the necromancer to be fair but yeah absolutely we'll let the people decide uh hippo go ahead and roll a d20 plus three i'm gonna say plus three because everything I've heard is hippos are very agile.
So roll a d20. Super agile.
Super agile. All right, here we go.
Six. Six.
I'm sorry to say is not enough. Even with the spirit of the bard infusing you, you explode and are slain again for the second

That I would then get the hippo soul and the barred soul Yes, you do reap the soul of Ehrlich and to be fair You didn't get the original hippo soul because that's always already dead But you got Ehrlich soul because he was in the hip so he just killed max You killed Erlich. You killed Wayne.

Well you killed Moe and Wayne.

I keep saying Erlich.

You're Erlich.

You killed Erlich. soul was already dead but you got erlic soul because he was in the hip so he just killed max you killed erlic you killed wayne you killed mo i keep saying you're erlic you killed claimed wayne's soul yeah so wayne's soul has now been your patron goes gimme gimme do you offer wayne's soul to your patron i mean i would like to give him an offer to to you know negotiate for himself but he left us.
And my guy is hungry. I'm kind of feeding.
Don't worry. I'll treat him very well, says your patron.
And Wayne is slain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, that was good job, Hippo. Maybe most importantly of all.
All he did was smooch and then die. He died twice.
Fitting, spitting. Norm, can I ask how many hit points do you have right now? Where are your hit points normally? I have 64.
64. You can survive this then.
Go ahead and roll two times because thanks to Danger Sense, you have advantage against fireballs. Roll two times to see if you can take half damage.
And you have a plus two on this. What die? A d20.
15. 15 is already enough, but let's see if you can crit.
12. Okay, with a 17 total, you take half damage from that.
So the only damage that you are taking, Norm, is half of 35, which would be 17, I believe. Yeah.
So you take 17 points of damage. You are not dead, though.
And you saw the necromancer explode. The moment that happens, and his two zombies explode as well, you suddenly see all the skeletons who had knocked ours and pointed them in your direction.
One of them shakes, drops his bow. His arms fall off.
One of them falls over onto the table and collapses, and one by one, they start to fall apart like Jenga towers. We can hear more skeletons from the locked room collapsing and then we hear a creature getting closer and closer.
A zombie dragon comes bursting into the room, lets out a roar, and then collapses. Yes! Dead to the ground right in front of Norm.
Well done. We have defeated the necromancer of Lance Rock, everybody.
We did it. Holy shit.
And we saved the kids as much as they can really be saved. We saved the kids.
We just had to sacrifice a hippo and Wayne. That was awesome.
We've never gotten to the end. What do now do we get like a prize in theory we not only got to the end we got to the treasure as well because we found the 1000 gold pieces that we're able to dig out of the room full of rocks now and if we go down that other tunnel where the necromancer was going to try to escape to we find an altar dedicated to the one-eyed god of death, Vecna.
But also on that altar is his spell book. And you know, Ehrlich, that a spell book like that might be very valuable on the open market.
Cake the wizard would love to get that spell book. So he would find it the most valuable because he can copy all the spells from that spell book into his own spell book.

But you also know that somebody would pay probably at least a couple hundred gold for that spell book as well.

And you find that that was in his, that altar was in his bedroom.

So you can go through the wizard's bedroom if you want to find other embarrassing stuff.

I love this.

But you have defeated the necromancer.

Can we do one last thing?

I know we accomplished this.

Great job, everyone. This is the first time you guys have actually said everything.
This is a little close. Just outside of the game, can me and Ehrlich just go head-to-head with some rolls to see who would win a battle to the death? 100%, yes.
You just cast a fireball as the finishing blow, Ehrlich. That means that technically Gargable would be up next.
Gargable, would you be involved in this duel at all? Yeah, let's do a three-man duel. Just to see.
Yeah, well, I'm kind of interested in taking the spell but I can learning necromancy myself. Go ahead and roll a d20 to see if you can learn any necromancy yourself.
Picking up. Well, yeah, you gotta get mode back.
Yeah, absolutely. Although mode exploded.
Can you bring an exploded hippo? It's not impossible. Let's see how good at necromancy you are 11 11 is i'd say roll one more time because you got the spell book it's giving you advantage on this oh uh and you hear the altar begins to speak into your mind i can offer you secrets if you roll with advantage it's going to become it's going to be be because the lich lord to Vecna is helping you.
16. 16 is enough that by calling upon Vecna's help, you start to learn necromancy.
Your hippo, he may live again in death. Wow.
And you know you can call him back as a skeleton using just his bones. You can not call him back as a zombie or a ghoul because there's not enough flesh left or you could call him back as a specter

a ghost of some kind

so ghost hippo or

skeleton hippo sounds like a

six strand of weed

yeah

I'm gonna go ghost hippo

ghost hippo appears

you see the shadow of your hippo

suddenly peels itself off

the floor and becomes three

dimensional and it's spookily like

a dementor starts to like move around and you know this thing can suck people's life force out of their body who do you send your ghost hippo after i mean i saved you a couple times yeah you you did you also you also got me killed by telling me to open. No, you didn't get killed.
You got my hippo killed, and so the hippo's pissed. Right.
And, I mean, so this is not me, but the hippo personally wants to suck your soul. Okay.
That makes complete sense. Yeah, I have nothing to do with this.
Just that's what happened, Mike. Now, he's gone reckless on his last turn, so as your hippo comes slithering over, go ahead and roll two d20s and take the higher number to see if he can suck the life force out of Norm.
You're about to get slurped. Oh, no.
It's a six. Now, he has a plus five on that, so with an eight, the higher roll, plus five is a 13.
Norm, what's your armor class? 15, I think. 15, yeah.
Just barely a miss, I'm sorry to say. You're trying to pull his soul out of his body, and ironically, it's his thick barbarian skin that's protecting him, which I imagine just means that he's very stubborn, and his life force is hard to slurp out of his body.
You're just like, hmm, holding your breath, essentially, Norman, avoiding this fate. Too bad.
Yeah, I remember that. But no cigar.
I just want to go, yeah, I just want to go heads up with Ehrlich, like whatever, however it works. It's like the end of Rocky III.
Yeah, roll for roll. It would be your turn now, and then Ehrlich gets to respond.
So you want to charge him and swing at him? Yeah, yeah, yeah duel. You get to do three attacks against him, and I assume you're going reckless still? Oh, yeah.
Now, is there any reason you're fighting him? Is it because you don't want to share the gold? No, we just... Okay.
You know, we accomplished our goal. Yes.
Now I just want to see him die. No.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's kind of like when there's, like, a heist, and then, like, at the end, they kill everybody else involved. Yes, they turn on each other each other yeah roll two d20s for each attack okay you get three of them in 14 so far that's a hit 19 okay definitely a hit on the first one just keep rolling d20s i want to see how many hits you're going to get on early 19 that's already a hit just make sure it's not a critical hit.
18. Not a critical hit, but still a very good roll.
And now your last attack. 20.
20 hit on the last one. It was on fire.
That's how you get off. That's three hits, one of which is a critical hit.
You're going to be rolling 4d12 plus a total of 15 damage. So far, Ehrlich has 15 plus 4 D12.
I'll write down each of the D12s as you roll. Seven.
Seven on the first one. Fire.
Two. Two on the second one.
Eight. Eight on the third one.
Eight. Eight.
Okay, so 16 plus another seven is going to be 23, plus another two is 25, plus the 15 is 40. How many hit points do you have? 45.
45! You have five hit points left, Ehrlich. You got five hit points, and then it is your turn.
Or, sorry, Wayne flits around. I'm just going to roll to see if he, no, if he doesn't, no, no help comes from the afterlife.
And to be fair, you have, you hear tortured screams from Wayne. Ehrlich, what would you like to do? I would like to send back a hellish rebuke.
Oh, yes, absolutely. As a reaction before your turn even starts, you do a hellish rebuke, make a dexterity save.
You have advantage on this. Roll two D20s.
Take the higher number. You need to get a 14 or higher on this.
Four. 15.
Fuck you. Plus two is going to be enough that you are going to be dealing.
Your Hellish Rebuke did nothing to me. Let's see.
Your Hellish Rebuke is going to be D10s, and it is going to be, go ahead and take this D10 and start rolling. It's going to be three of those in all, I believe.
One. I'm going to double check that.
Seven. Four.
Four of those. So one, seven, and four.
That's 12 points of damage, I believe. Uh-uh.
And so 12 damage is not going to be enough to finish off Norm. I'm sorry to say.
Not even close. 29 points of damage.
Does he get weaker when he does a Hellish Rebuke? No, it just eats up a spell slot. That's actually, that's your last spell slot.
Oh, I wish you had more souls. You do have your turn now.
You only have Eldritch Blast as your powerful attack left. All right, let's do that.
Do I get the plus nine because of the soul that I got? Oh, you have nine extra hit points, so you're actually not at five left. You're at 14 hit points left.
So those extra hit points got eaten up, but you don't have 5 left, you have 14 left.

And you can launch 2 Eldritch

Blasts in his direction. You have advantage

on each attack roll, so roll

2d20s for each attack

and add plus 6 to whichever

the higher roll is. 13?

13 is going to be a hit so far.

5. Okay, so

that's a hit on the first Eldritch Blast, and then

roll for the second one. 5.
Okay, so that's a hit on the first Eldritch Blast, and then roll for the second one. Five.
Okay. Is it nine or six? That's a nine, yeah.
So nine plus six is 15, and your armor class is 15 on the dot, I believe. That's just barely a hit.
So I have just checked Hello's Rebuke, and there is actually a d10 i missed so please roll another d10 for hello shabuke and then we'll see how much uh uh yeah that d10 bingo four more damage on norm so norm you're up to 33 damage now and then each of your eldritch blast deals i believe one d10 plus three is that right yep excellent so a d10 plus three for the your Eldritch Blast deals, I believe, 1d10 plus 3. Is that right? Yep.
Excellent. So a d10 plus 3 for the first Eldritch Blast? 3.
3 plus 3 is 6 more damage. That's 39 on Norm.
7. 7 and then before the plus 3.
So another 10 brings Norm up to 49 damage. Norm, what hit points do you have normally? 64.
64. You are still standing with 13 hit points left.
And he's got how much left? Now, Gargable, it's technically your turn. Do you want to intervene in this fight at all? Let's just do 1v1.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm just going to grab the gold and leave.
Absolutely. Grab all the gold.
You start to get ready to leave. As you start to leave, I'm just going to see how they feel about this.
The ogre is still laughing right now. The goblin is saying, that's our gold.
What do you do or say? I say, catch me if you can. Absolutely.
Roll a d20 plus five and just try to beat a 16 and you will run away from this goblin no problem. Keep in mind, I am riding the ghost hippo like a magic carpet.
Roll with advantage on that then. Absolutely.
Is this a d20? That'd be a d20. I like that one.
19. 19? You escape.
You are escaping with all the treasure on your ghost hippo.

Well done, Gargabool.

And that is going to bring us.

Let me just see if the necromancy comes back to fuck around.

Nope.

That brings us to Norm next.

Oh, it's my turn?

And how many hits points does he have left?

Not many.

He's got 14 hit points left.

Let's finish him off, Tim.

Absolutely.

You can roll.

If you're going reckless, you have advantage on this.

Roll 2d20s on your first attack 15 15 is already a hit let's roll to see if you crit 15 15 that's a hit against you roll a d12 plus five two two two plus five is not quite enough that's bringing him down to seven hit points left, but you got to hit him with another attack, that means. Wait, am I doing D20? Another D20, yeah.
Finish him. Four, seven.
Seven plus six is a 13. What's your armor class? 15.
15 is not a hit with that second one. Let me that nope just fairly a miss so uh you got one more attack as a bonus action gotta get a 15 or higher real shame four four uh-oh nine nine plus six that's 15 is 15 on the dot yeah he's got seven hp left as long as you don't roll a one on this, you're killing him.
Oh, any last words, bitch? Any last words? One. One.
Six. Fuck.
With 11 points of damage. Yes.
That is going to finish off Ehrlich. And Ehrlich, I would tell you, you could hellish rebuke,

but you're out of spell slots at this point, unfortunately.

Oh, that's a shame.

Now, do I...

How does this work?

It has been fantastic.

If I kill the guy who killed the guy, I get all those stats, too.

I mean, you are the last survivor here, so you get all the experience points.

Okay, you split the hit points between you... The experience points you split between the two of points.
But I put up the numbers. I'm the Will Chamberlain numbers.
Absolutely. Yeah.
All right. Well, Tim, this has been awesome.
Absolutely. Thank you as always.
It's been a delight. Shout out how people can find you as always.
Oh, 100%. I'm Tim with 2MsWoods.com is where you can find all my social media.
I just became friends with a bunch of D&D TikTok TikTok content creators so please find me on TikTok and goose my numbers up so I can impress my friends and otherwise you can find me and feel free to reach out and I will have to run a new adventure besides Necromancer of Lance Rock for the AWL's but whoever signs up first will get the first to be in the new adventure that I will be hopefully running for you guys in the new studio next time. Yes, we will fly you out to Chicago probably around Christmas time.
Absolutely. I would love that.
That would be a blast. Looking forward to it.
Okay. Well, Tim, thank you as always.
Thanks for everyone for listening. Thank you, Tim.
Absolutely. Thank you, guys.
This is great. Love you guys.
Yeah. Okay.
Numbers. Memes is in studio.
69. Nope.
There we go. PFT.
Nice. I'm going with 77.
26. I'll go 21.
Sorry, Billy. So we will be back on Monday.
We'll be back on Monday with regular episode. I think we're going to run Sam Darnold on Monday.
Great interview. Tight end you.
Great, great interview. So yeah, this is

our sending you into the weekend

episode. Billy,

what's your number? Did

69 get taken? Yes.

I'm going 76

for July 4th. 20.

Okay. Who took 77?

I did.

Okay. Memes.
Have you ever gotten it?

No. I did okay memes have you ever gotten it no 46

46

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Say after me

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