Mt Rushmore Season Begins, Actor Arian Moayed (Stewy From Succession), Nuggets Parade + Fyre Fest

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On today's Pardon My Take, Mount Rushmore season is back. We are ready to kick off Mount Rushmore season.
It's going to be the best Mount Rushmore season we've ever had. We have some stakes involved.
We have some great pairings. We're going to start with the Mount Rushmore of lifetime stats you wish you had.
We also have a great, great interview with actor Arian Moed, and it was awesome. He's Stewie from Succession.
It's one of those interviews we did. He came in the studio, and we walked out being like, that guy rocks.
He is the man. So some really cool, interesting stories from him about Robin Williams, about a succession, everything.
We have movie review, Man on Fire, one of Denzel Washington's best movies. In honor of Mount Rushmore season, who's on your Mount Rushmore presidents? Ooh, Ben Franklin.
I like Hamilton. Alexander Hamilton.
Hank, who do you got? Dave Portnoy. Yeah, good call.
And Hank? For a dollar, name a president, Hank. Taft.
Taft. Taft, yeah.
Robert Taft. Robert Taft.
Oh, Bobby T. Oh, Bobby T, yeah.
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Okay, let's go. Now in the street there is violence And then there's lots of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue presented by Welcome to Pardon My Take.
Today is Friday, June 16th. And it's baseball season.
Yeah, and Ricky Fowler's back. Ricky Fowler's all the way back.
He shot at 62. 62.
U.S. Open record, I believe.
Holy shit. Well, Shoffley.
Shoffley could shoot a better one. So we're taping this in the afternoon because PFT, Hank, and Max are going to Austin tonight.
But yes, it is U.S. Open.
It is baseball season. It is that first moment after all the other sports.
And you're like, okay, summertime. It season it is if you like playing hooky and i think that you do uh perfect time of year to just skip out on work uh it's important to have that work-life balance you know yeah skip out on work go to the baseball game and have a couple cold ones yeah you don't want to be a work work guy no you don't it's also parade season yeah parade season the nuggets had their championship parade today for all those that thought that that uh jokic was going to go home to serbia and just be you know in a stable staring at his horses for hours on end not yet not yet there's plenty of time for that later he said that thursday was the best day of my fucking life and you know i told you i don't want to stay in parade but i fucking want to stay in parade.
Yeah, love it. Because people were starting, not me, but I did see some of the discourse being like, oh, Jokic, he's trying too hard to not care because I guess he lost his, he didn't know where his NBA Finals MVP was.
I don't think Jokic is doing, he's just being himself. It's like Brooks.
Yeah. It's not like he's going online being like, ooh, am I getting points for not caring?

Like, he's himself.

I was going to say, like, he is kind of a Blake.

Yeah.

Jokic is, he's got big Blake energy.

Blakeovich.

Yeah.

Blakeovich.

I like it.

I like it.

So, he's still our king.

I'm not going to turn on him because he lost the finals MVP.

No.

He's been drunk.

He's been having fun.

What the fuck?

Let him enjoy himself.

I love you. He's still our king.
I'm not going to turn on him because he lost the finals MVP. No.
He's been drunk. He's been having fun.
What the fuck? Let him enjoy himself. You know how you've seen it, I'm sure, as well, where people are like, he's trying too hard to not care.
It's like, no, he's just being an honest guy. Yeah, he's just sick of running.
Yeah, and what's the payoff? He's not online. He doesn't have a huge social media following.
I don't even know if he has social media.

Like he's not,

he's not doing this for some payoff where it's like, he's going to gain some points.

He's just being honest.

The guy wants to see his horses.

I think it's funny.

Cause if you asked me a couple of years ago,

I probably would have sided more with people that are like,

he's trying hard to not care.

But only for the reason that as a sports fan watching that,

if you see somebody reach the peak of their entire profession, it's a profession that you care about watching on TV so much, and they win a championship, and then they're like, oh, whatever. Then you feel about yourself like, well, why do I care so much if this guy is so good and he doesn't care? But at the end of the day with Jokic, I think it's 100% legit.
He spends all year in a country where he doesn't speak the native language. That's not his first language.
He's, like, picked it up along the way. So he wants to go home and, again, see his horses.
He wants to go home and talk Serbian to his horses. Yes.
So let Jokic just be himself. Let him do his thing.
Also, shout out Mike Malone. Michael Malone.
Oh, no, today he was Mike. He was Mike.
He was date Mike. Yeah, he was Prison Mike today.
Nice to meet me. Maybe on the way to prison Mike.
He was the drunkest guy at the parade. I know when you see these parades, usually the coach is not the drunkest guy.
I fucking love Mike Malone. We're running the shit back.
We got to get him back on the show. Yeah.
He's watching him, backwards hat, running the shit back. Brucie B, he was calling him.
he was like he was catching off look like fireball shots from the crowd he was in he was in a cherry picker i think he was a maybe it was a fire engine he was on he looked like he was having the best time ever he said we some greedy bastards baby yeah uh so mike malone the man he had a huge chain what boss. He was like the embodiment of the how do you do kids meme when he was rocking the backwards hat, oversized T-shirt that said, like, put these nugs in your pipe and smoke it or whatever.
Yes. And then just hammered with a giant T-shirt on.
He looked awesome. He looked like he was having the time of his life.
And I would give him the parade MVP, the PMVP, and then I would also give this other guy who caught a beer that was thrown at the parade. Have you seen the interview on the news with this guy? No.
This is the most Denver bro of all time. I see it.
Listen to this dude react to catching a beer and then chugging it on the air. You had the greatest moment of your life.
Tell me. There was eye contact involved.
Oh, yeah. No, dude.
As soon as he tossed me that brewski, I already knew what I had to do, man. I opened up that straight bear claw on him, and I was just like, jaw, baby, you know what I mean? He drank it.
And as soon as I seen it, I was like, I know what I got to do. Looked at my voice, said, this is for us.
Bang, bang. You know what I'm saying? So you made eye contact with him, and they threw you a beer? Yeah, no, literally, yeah.
Because I was hyping up the crowd, and he it, and then he just, like, looked right at me, and I was like, dude, I'm the one,

bro, come on, send it my way, and as soon as he did, he launched it, I fucking caught

it, and it's just a history story after that, you know what I mean?

It's just a history story after that.

It's just a history story after that.

That dude's awesome.

Oh, hell yes.

He reminds me of the, did you see the video of the Philly guy?

Oh, the I-95 guy? Yeah, I-95, he's like, I was sleeping, and I woke up, and the bridge was gone. He's like, we lost to the World Series, we lost to the Super Bowl, we lost to I-95.
Did he say that? Yeah. What? Oh, no.
I didn't hear that part. Step your highway game up, Max.
I have it. Oh, yeah, let's play it.
Let's hear that. The one that went, it was separate from the video that went viral on Twitter.
Oh, okay. We should just have a, just when there's not a lot of sports to talk about, dudes rock.
Yeah, just go interview a bro. Dudes rock of the week.
Yeah, dudes rock of the week. All right.
Other things. Yeah, U.S.
Open going on right now. Max looking good.
Strong for his first day. What did he finish at? Does he finish? I think he finished at minus two.
Okay. I think two on day.
We'll take that. Good showing from Max.
That's a good showing. You can't.
It's what we're talking about. Put the towel over the leaderboard.
You can't worry about Ricky Fowler being minus eight because it's Ricky Fowler minus eight, Shoffley minus seven, and then the next person, Scotty Sheffield minus three. Obviously, Brooks hasn't gone yet.
A bunch of big names in the afternoon haven't gone yet. But more importantly, Max's course record still stands.
Yes. Yes.
Unless Shoffley nails this birdie putt. Oh, no.
Isn't he minus seven? No, he's tied right now. Did I just jinx Max's course record on his home track? PFT.
Yeah. But, yeah, I think it's a good spot for Max.
Outside of those two crazy numbers, he's right there. You can't lose your record to a guy named Xander.
The course is coming. Yeah.
I don't know. I feel like this course is kind of washed right now.
Spieth is the only person to ever finish 10-under for a major for the U.S. Open.
Really? And there's no way. I mean, I feel like the course is coming.
The course is going to bite back.

They're not shooting minus eight again tomorrow.

How's that going to happen?

You think pin placements are going to be more dangerous?

Wind.

They'll call up the wind.

Yeah, hit up DARPA.

Yeah.

Just be like, hey, guys, we're going to need a gust.

Max also could have been three under.

There was one putt that he had that just did a 360.

Stayed on the lip.

He also has some great par saves. Yeah.
I'm not going to congratulate par saves. I'm just not.
I expect more. All right.
I'm holding the high standard. Positive vibes on course.
Yeah. And I feel good about him, but I'm also, you know, we got to be positive, but we also got to be, we can't just be giving out gumdrops and candy canes for going minus two.
We got to build off. It's a good start.
Build off. Yeah.
You know who else gave out gold stars to everybody? Yes. That's true.
Oh, here's Sam Bennett. What else we got? Anything before we get to Mount Rushmore season? Which I'm so excited for.
God damn it, do I love Mount Rushmore. I just want to say that if I lived in Las Vegas, this isn't about the Golden Knights.
This is about the Oakland Athletics. If I lived in Las Vegas, I would not go to an Oakland Athletic game once they moved to town.
I think Las Vegas needs to stand, or at least threaten to stand with Oakland fans. Because think about it this way.
If you're getting a team that's illegally robbed from a city and deposited into your city as your new home team to new home team to root for. That's like if you, if you hook up with a chick who's married and then you expect that that person's going to be loyal to you.
This is a, this is a piece of shit owner. Las Vegas should do in solidarity with Oakland.
Tell him we're not going to go to these games. So you can't just take a team away from it.
If you want to relocate a team, that owner, first of all, he's a billionaire. He's just have to pay for his own stadium.
Bax. Bleep that out, please.
Bleep that out, too. Fuck him in the ass.
Fuck him up the A's. Fuck him in the eye hole.
Yeah, so if you do move a team, you should have to go to prison for five years. Okay.
How's that? Just go to jail. You should go to jail in the town that you abandoned and then yeah you can get out of prison if you make it and then you can collect your billions of dollars on the other end counterpoint there's probably some like kids in las vegas right now growing up and they're like yeah i mean we just win stanley cups and we steal oakland teams i guess so the raiders they've got practice they do have practice a of practice stealing teams.
The Raiders bounced around a little bit, though. But they still were stolen from the same stadium that the A's play in.
It just feels dirty. I would not be comfortable supporting that.
Yeah, no, it's bullshit. I love the A's doing the reverse boycott.
It looked awesome, and they won seven games in a row. Are they still the worst team? I think they're tied for the worst record.
I've lost a lot of money in the last seven days on my Oakland Athletics bet, which is just the system. I'm betting against their ownership.
But still, I think it's close to being – it's about breaking into a year. The A's are a game better than the Royals.
Oh, wow. They've lost nine in a row.
They're 18-50. Wow.
Huge. That's crazy when you win seven games in a row to go 18-50.
Yeah. Another 19-51 now.
Yeah. But you won seven games in a row.
So you were 12-50. What's his name? John Fisher? 11-50.
Yeah, John Fisher. Fuck John Fisher.
John Fisher doesn't love you, bro. Las Vegas.
He doesn't love you. We stand with Oakland.
Now we lost 95. So it looks like we're just taking L's.
Tilly doesn't have the best luck right now. We lost the World Series, we lost the Super Bowl, and now we lost 95, so it looks like we're just taking L's.
It does look like we're just taking L's. Hey, what did that clip say? I didn't hear it.
Tilly's not having the best luck right now. We lost the Super Bowl, we lost the World Series.
Now we lost 95. Yeah.
So it looks like we're just taking L's. As a Boston fan, Max, what do you think about that? Nah, that guy's a legend.
Fuck Boston. All right.
Should we get to Mount Rushmore season? Then great interview. And we'll see everyone.
We're going to do both those things. Fire Fest.
Max's course record still stands. Yes.
Max's course record still stands. Clap it up.
Clap it up. And he did it as a young college kid.
Cantlay is about to come out hot. Oh, okay.
So classic Hank rooting against our friends. No, I Brooks, Max, Cantlay.
You know Patrick? No, but I bet on him. So if it was Brooks versus Cantley at the end Brooks yes yeah if it's Brooks and Max at the end Hank Max and Max I would win more money I would say Max I would say Max because this is his first yeah although it's Brooks 6 that would fucking rock I'm gonna wait till what Charlie tells me to say you know what if it's Brooks and Max at the end I'll just close my eyes Hank I won't watch it If it's Brooks 6.
That would fucking rock. I'm going to wait until what Charlie tells me to say.
You know what? If it's Brooks and Max at the end, I'll just close my eyes. Hank, if it's Cantlay and either Max or Brooks.
Max or Brooks. Will you cash out your Cantlay? I won't be able to because we'll be in Texas, but in theory, I would.
You would have. I mentally will.
If you could have, you would have. I would have matched it.
I mentally will cash out. Fair point.
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Okay, Mount Rushmore season. It is time, if you are new to the show, every summer we do Mount Rushmore season.
There's been different iterations of it. We've obviously added people to the show.
Because we want everyone to get involved, we thought maybe like a six-man Mount Rushmore would be pretty tedious and long, so we're doing teams again, and the teams are Max and Hank, two guys that love each other. Billy and Jake.
You guys should just be the Celtics. Team Celts.
Yeah, Team Celts. And then PFT and myself, I think we stretched all the age ranges with these Mount Rushmores.
So, AWL threw out the idea that we should probably have a punishment this year to make it a little more interesting. Hank has already said no to this.
I've talked to everyone else. Hank just got here.
Well, he doesn't know what the punishment is, but he gave a preemptive no to it. Well, if before we even get into it, again, we've talked about it it we talked about uh on faqs a few weeks ago you guys it's and it's fine it's fun exercise it's good to you know get the banter going but you guys ruined mount rush more two years ago when you threw the pizza toppings draft i will never be able to take it seriously again that kind of was the end of you know the competitive side of it so i you know i've actually gone back and i've thought about it.
I can't take it seriously as a competition. I can talk about my picks.
I've thought about it. Double Olives was actually a great pick.
The older I get, the more I realize I wasn't throwing that at all. I was subconsciously trying to win that.
We did it so you could get a win. You're trying to cancel Mount Rushmore? That's lame.
That's poor. Hank Lockwoke.
That's in the past. Let's move forward.
Let's make it competitive again. I think what we should do is...
And you guys throw the votes. You guys have the two biggest vote-getters.
Listen, I've thought about it. I've thought about it.
Listen, the graphic will be posted with no names attached. So it'll be team one, team two, team three.
I promise you that I think what we should do is we should do like a two-hour voting window and no retweets during those windows. So we can't talk about it.
People vote. They just see the graphic.
They vote. We can talk about it after the votes are done, but that's it.
So that way we get both both like people, you know, arguing online Mount Rushmore season later on in the afternoon of show days. But we also get a clean vote that has no no one like pushing it one way or the other.
What's the punishment? Okay, the punishment. And again, let me just say five out of six of us in this room are in on this.

Hank, you were the last person to turn your key. I haven't heard.
Okay. So I was thinking through punishments, and I was thinking, well, the bowling punishment was great because people could watch along.
People like to see us get punished. the punishment that I am

offering up for Mount Rushmore

season is

the losing team has to do a 24-hour stream in a white padded room solitary confinement obviously you're not solitary because you're with someone else 24 hours nothing else in the room but the two of you. With a pee hole.
With a pee hole.

See that.

He's obsessed with the pee hole.

That.

He wants a glory hole so bad in there.

Let's just get a bunch of empty bottles.

I just don't.

It's hard.

I mean, again, if it's five out of six, like, I guess I'll, you know, that doesn't matter

anyway.

My vote doesn't matter.

But you're going to rig it so that you guys don't have to watch one of us lose. No, we're not going to rig it.
We're not at all going to do that. It's going to be a blind poll, and it's going to be posted anonymously, and we're not going to retweet it for two hours.
And our finger's not on the scale. Listen, I'm down for it.
I'm down for the added content. 24 hours.
And if you guys told us me and Max had to do it anyway, I would do it. But this is just, you know, you guys are.
You guys are. It's fine.
Memes was saying maybe you get one ball. Well, no, we were saying we're adding something every two hours.
So it's like after two hours, maybe we add a pen and a paper. After another two hours.
You could sleep in there. You could do whatever.
Yeah. For 24 hours.
So many push-ups. People just watching you sleep.

Billy's going to treat this like his actual jail.

What if you got a boner while you're sleeping?

I was going to say I would just go on a bender before and then sleep.

Then that would be miserable.

I think it should be also there should only be one pillow allowed in the whole room.

You know what's going to happen?

If it's Hank, he's going to start yawning and Max is going to actually kill him.

It will be like a prison cell. It's going to be a psychological test for the losing team.

What happens if someone snaps, though? You start hallucinating. That's great for rating.
Can we have someone on call? And we could do, Hank, what we could also do is we could do a picture in a picture where the losing team is in the 24 hours by themselves. and we could have the other four winning teams could offer some commentary

at certain points to keep the stream interesting. Yeah, listen, I'm never going to be I'm never going to turn down extra content.
That'd be a good stream. I just and a great stream, you know, no phone.
Let's just hope you guys are honest. Just guys.
And honestly, I guess if I'm really thinking out loud, it's like if AWL is really want to watch one of these teams do it, they want to watch you guys have to go in there. Sure.
Oh, yeah, I guess so. Yeah.
No, they would never want to torture you, Hank. Well, now you're doing what you accused us of doing.
No, I'm just thinking out loud. I'm thinking out loud.
It is a good point. It's a valid point by Hank.
You're rigging the vote. I'm thinking.
See, that's the thing. It's already contentious.
You're rigging the vote. All right, so you're in for this.
Yeah, five out of six. It doesn't matter.
Yeah. Are we going to be allowed to sleep overnight? Yeah, you can sleep.
It's 24 hours. We're going to be left alone.
Can Billy's dog come? No, no dogs. No, but we'll add.
Actually, Jake and Billy's dog in a room together would be very funny. But we were thinking about, you know, we'll add.
I actually think me and Max would be the worst combination i think you guys would be pretty good you will add different things throughout like you know we were saying that uh hour four we add like a game boy with very little battery left shit like that just to you know we'll keep spicing it up but you are in in a in a cell for 24 hours or a padded room i don't want to say a cell we don't want to get mr beast canceled here you're in a padded room for 24 hours or a padded room. We don't want to say a cell.

We don't want to get Mr. Beast canceled here.

You're in a padded room for 24 hours with your partner.

When?

After Mount Rushmore season.

Which is...

We'll do it in September.

I was actually...

It's got to be like a Tuesday or Wednesday.

I actually was thinking

what would be funny is if we did it...

You guys want to do this

in the football season?

I was going to say it. I'm going to say it.
No, what would be funny... I we did it.
You guys want to do this in the football season? I was going to say it.

Go on.

I'm going to say it.

No, what would be funny?

I can't do it every day.

No, no.

I already can't.

What would be funny?

I'm on vacation.

I'm a bachelor party.

I don't know if the office would be fully ready to be able to pull this off,

but what would be funny is to start the Wednesday night before the kickoff for NFL season.

So you get out and there's NFL.

That would be good.

I mean, I'm just future you in the off chance that you do lose.

Like you would.

Football season is crazy.

We're going to try to win.

We're going to try to win.

Hank's birthday presents here.

What about the birthday?

Oh, this is running on Friday, but we'll.

Do you want to.

Well, you have to take this call.

Yeah.

Hello. He's taking the call for Hank's birthday present.
Yes? It's a stripper. Yeah, it is.
Okay, I'll be right there. You're going to get sucked off on camera right now, big boy.
Yeah, you can be right there. We're going to watch.
Ooh, maybe we had a stripper. All right, bye.
Just sit. We're hour seven, there's a stripper added? Bill, you want to go escort her? I was actually thinking...
Peehole, peehole. If we did it in some sort of a room we had a stripper.
Bye. We're hour seven.
There's a stripper at it. Bill, you want to go escort her? I was actually thinking if we did it in some sort of a room that had a glass wall.
What about bathroom? We could have the stripper just dance for us on the other side of the wall. We could watch.
We'll take a shit. We'll allow every two hours you get or every three hours you get like a five minute bathroom break.
What if your body doesn't align with that? You're going to have to train it. You just have to hold it in.
Every three hours, you can't. You're not potty trained? To poop? Yeah.
Three hours, you can't. You never know.
You shit before you go in, and I think you'll be okay. What's the food situation? The food situation is whatever we order to you.
Whoever the losers or winners are gets to decide the food situation. We'll put it through a hole in the wall.
Yeah. It's going to be great.
There's a high chance we're all doing it. There's a very easy way to not do it, and that's just to win.
Alright, hey. Happy 30th birthday.
We got $200 worth of Taco Bell, because that's the most that they would allow me to order. We're going to have to make our own quesaditos.
That's a delight. I'm starving, so I want to eat this right now.
We got some Baja Blast for the boys coming in soon, too.

Oh, hell yes.

So what are we going to do?

Two points for first place, one point for second?

Yeah, how do we decide?

Or no, it should go three, two, one.

Three points for first, two points for second, one point for last.

What if we make last negative points?

That would be pretty lit.

Last place, negative one point.

Or I guess two, one, zero is fine.

Yeah, two, one, zero is fine.

Yeah, but when you add in negative.

Negative.

Yeah.

Or one, zero, negative.

It's just easier if it's two, one, zero.

Two, one, zero.

Okay.

So we're going to kick off Mount Rushmore. And the voting is only on Twitter.
We're not giving the other platforms a voice. Would you like to? How can we do that? I care about the other platforms.
Yeah, how could you do that? I don't know. Okay.
We can set up a poll on Instagram, right? IG stories? Well, then you have to consolidate the poll results. I think it has to be one poll.
We just have to decide. It's one poll.
Why can't you just get I mean I just you guys are whatever. No, okay, fine.
We could do Instagram. That's fine.
What about Google Drive for a poll? Okay, that's no. Hey, and you need ID as our numbers guy.
We can do a poll on Instagram and a poll on Twitter and wasn't doing it. I said we keep it simple just like we've done every single year, which is we put the poll out at the same time of day on Twitter, and we vote on Twitter.
It will be a thing. People can listen to the show and then rig it.
I'm based on who they want. That is out of our control.
You want to do the poll before anyone listens? Mail-in voting. That makes no sense.
Let's do mail- is gonna be a disaster but i you know let's let's let the chaos ensue yeah oh let's go out these baja blasts for the boys this is a delight we could also if you guys want if you think it would be smarter to do the polls like the day after the show comes out so it's not people don't have it in their mind of who picked what we can do that. I was just say this now, whatever we pick, we have to stick with.
It can't be like someone starts to lose and then we change the rules. Agreed.
What if we tweet the poll? I'm down with just Twitter. Two hour window.
Two hour window. We'll say a learn off.
Noon o'clock every day. Turn off tweets and replies.
Yeah. Noon to two.
Turn off tweets and replies. That's smart, Jake.
Yeah, that is smart.

Good call.

Noon to two every day.

The poll will go up, and it will be blind.

Team one, team two, team three.

And we'll switch up the teams.

Where they appear.

Yeah, where they are.

Yeah, exactly.

All right.

Okay.

I like my team.

I actually think.

I like my team.

And AWLs have to vote who they actually think wins.

So no rigging on your side. You can't.
I mean, you can vote for wherever you want. Well, no, you already did this.
You already tried to rig it. It's free country, Big Cat.
All right. It's free country.
Okay. It's like voting for the green candidate.
Hank and Max in that cell would be so good. And you would get the benefit of me and PFT being able to commentate for the people.
Exactly. Oh, my God.
Less producers. You have no idea where that would go.
No, we're all higher producers. That's fine.
I was thinking that if me and you have to do the punishment, we probably just won't talk at all because we don't want to do the show. Yeah, we want to save for the show.
So we're probably just going to probably nap. I mean, you're tired.
You're a dad. You've got to catch up on sleep.
I'll just sleep. You're just going to nap the entire time.
Hank would literally sleep the entire time. No.
That's all he does at any point.

All right.

So before you go.

Yeah, but Max, you would also pace.

You would do a lot of pacing around the room and not let Hank sleep.

All right.

So before you go, one last rule.

Before the two members go in, they have to take 120 milligrams of Adderall.

I could power through that.

No, no.

I might have a psychotic three.

That sounds illegal.

Give me that and some MJ, and I'd still power through and sleep. Okay.
All right. So first up.
It's like you're having a knife fight in your stomach. I'm like the Wolf of Wall Street.
First up, we're going to do Mount Rushmore lifetime stats we wish we had. So these are stats you wish you could just pull up and be like, oh, I've done times in terms of order snake draft obviously I'm going to put a number behind my back 1, 2 or 3 I'll show PFT you want me to show the camera too how do you want to do it we did lottery ball closest too but that's easier how about this how is this? Big Cat.
How is this difficult?

That's what we did last year.

How is this so difficult?

It's just everything is a lot more.

There's so much more at stake here.

The eight of you all who said they wanted there to be more at stake, you got it.

Because now it's already like...

Again, I used to love...

You guys used to get so mad about the Mount Rushmore polls,

and then you just ruined it.

Okay, Big Cat, just tell me what the number is.

I'm going to write it down.

It's so hard for me to take you guys at your word.

I'm going to put a number behind my back.

Okay.

And then I typed one button.

All right, so Piazza's hands are up.

So you guess, then you guys guess.

If neither of you get it, then we get to pick it.

One, two, what?

One, two, or three.

And if you get it right, then you go on what days should they go? We should do it every so that everyone has the same yeah no we'll just start rotating off yeah oh then who cares three okay you got it okay all right great do i get to pick we did all we get to pick yeah you guys get to pick the first order what and then we're gonna just rotate from that yeah so you guys say do you guys you guys pick the order.

Oh, man.

Fuck.

We'll go first.

Okay.

Who's going to go second?

You.

Okay.

All right.

So you guys will go clockwise.

I actually don't like these picks.

Are you sure Max wouldn't be more comfortable going second?

Well, no.

Jake's the new second guy.

That's true.

Second place. All right.

So Mount Rushmore of lifetime stats you wish you had. I love it.
Beers drink. Good first pick.
That would have probably been our first pick. Good first pick.
Yeah, great first pick. Great first pick.
Okay. Anything else you want to say about that? What's your guys' guess? My guess is if you're averaging, and you obviously have to average out over the years, 10-ish beers a night drank over 15 years.
No, average. Sometimes it's 20.
Sometimes it's five. Do you think you drank 10 beers a day for 10 years? No, 10 beers a night drank.
If I'm drinking, I'm... I think I drank 5,000 beers in college, if I had to guess.
25 beers a week for... I can't do math.
I'm going 35, 52 weeks in a year. 35 a week for 52 weeks, but you've only...
Yeah, but... You definitely haven't drank as much beer as us.
Right. I think no matter what you would guess...
Me and Billy probably drank more beer than me. Yeah, it would be an awesome stat though.
Okay, PFT. I've drank a zillion.
I did the math one time. I think we should go with five if we want to do that.
If we want to just keep... And we can get the other ones.
What do you think? I like one. one yeah i like one a lot okay that might get taken because i don't think they're gonna take five you're not gonna take five all right all right our uh first pick will be uh biggest shits taken i want to know wait like length or weight weight length everything all the stats about all my shit yeah you get like Amazon Prime stats.
We've all had some snakes. I had that down.
I took it off because who really cares? I would absolutely want to know. You're going to go around and flex your boys about like...
I disagree, Max, but I completely agree with you. Max is right.
Do you guys have a shit group chat? Have you ever heard of a little app called Snapchat that was entirely invented just so people could send pictures of their shits to each other? It'd also be sick to have all the stats where it's like how much bigger they got as you got older. I think I've taken a five pound shit before.
I do too. No.
Five pounds? Yes. Who cares? Yes.
Yeah. Who cares? Who cares? Who cares? Or even like Pantone.
Yeah. Yeah.
All the stats. Yes.
You get like a Kirk Goldsberry heat map. You have like one green one, and you're like, what the hell was that? Sometimes orange.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's crazy. Dude.
You could also do a spray chart of your toilet. Yeah.
Percentage of diarrhea. Oh, my God.
It would be incredible to see all of that.

I want to see Lamar Jackson.

Sounds like you guys like this pick.

That's a great pick.

No.

Thanks, Jake.

Max is right.

Thanks, Jake.

All right.

Who cares?

Jake, will you do the honors?

Yeah.

Number of times you've ejaculated.

Oh.

Okay.

Bonk.

That's gross.

Hell, yeah.

You got to put it on the graphic like that.

That's just a preposterous way to say that.

Every time, and we want some of the stats, volume, mobility. So you thought shits was weird and you want this? Wait, but you thought you were like, what are you going to tell your friends about the shits? Are you going to tell your friends about the shits? No, no, but then you're just for you.
Guys, look at the numbers on this load that I shot last night. No, but, but it's for you.

Percentage that ended up in your belly button.

Yeah.

Just like how much you can nut.

Billy wants to do a combine for his sperm.

That's what I'm getting out of all this.

Okay.

It'd be fun.

All right.

Good.

First pick.

Oh, we gotta go.

Snake draft.

Yep.

Number of serial killers walked by. That's a pretty good pick

Because then it's like holy shit

Six

What defines serial killer

I think it's over three people

Three and over

I think double homicide is not serial

Good pick

Like separate occasions

Yeah separate occasions

Meditated shit

Manslaughter I think also counts

That's a good pick

I don't know. Separate occasions.
Yeah, separate occasions, right? Who meditated shit.

Manslaughter, I think, also counts.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's a good pick.

Actually, no. No manslaughter.

But, Billy, you spent a lot of time at the VA with your fellow veterans,

so your numbers would be pretty crazy.

That doesn't count.

Okay.

All right, so wars don't count?

I mean, we're moving to O-Block.

Wars don't count?

No. Okay, so Billy doesn't count.
War crimes do count. War crimes count.
According to who? Yeah, defined crime. The Hague.
Convicted? The Hague. Okay, all right.
Has to be convicted. Yeah, I mean, we hung out with Aaron Rodgers.
Fair trial. Okay, our next pick.
Now I think we should go five. Yeah, we'll take five.
All right. The number And amount of drugs That you've taken And type And type of drugs That you've taken Everything Just all the drugs You've taken You get to have So we want on the graphic Drugs taken Drugs taken Yeah Okay You've got like All the You've got little icons That I'm envisioning Pulling up like you're In Minority Report And're tapping, okay, here's where I took ecstasy in Hong Kong.

Yeah, like just how much cocaine did I do in my 20s?

Yeah.

Would like to know that.

And then the weird ones, you get the weird ones that are like one-time only kind of stuff.

Yeah, and then you also get the version of that

that you can pull up and show to your doctor,

the lying version of it.

Yeah.

Oh, and I mean-

Your finsta for drugs.

Pounds of weed.

That would be fascinating to scroll through. Yeah, it'd be a lot.
It would be a lot. It'd be concerning.
But it would be fun to look at. I was, you know, as I just turned 30, I was like thinking, because obviously it's like, you know, when you're teens, you just start kind of going down that path.
But it was like, I did some reflection listening to the Life episode. I was like, my 20s was just all under the influences of things over the years like that's that's a lot it'd be cool to see also i should probably take a break like the uh total hours that you've spent inebriating yeah it would it would be fun too to look at it uh while high yeah your screen really get like real and i would like the i would like the one-offs like the oh yeah like i took that one I did.
Like, yeah, this guy gave me this, and I went to a concert. Or you really get real meta on it.
And I would like the one-offs. Like, oh, yeah, I took that one time.

Like, yeah, this guy gave me this, and I went to a concert.

Or you don't even know.

Like, oh, shit, I smoked that joint.

It did seem kind of funny.

That was Angel Dime.

I did get QB sneaked.

I wasn't just too drunk.

Billy got roofied.

Yeah.

Okay.

I feel like Billy likes to think he got roofied a lot.

Yeah, Billy's going to be like, where's the roofie tab?

One time. It was one time.
Billy gets home, he's like, still got it. Okay.
Is this happening in heaven? Is this at the gate to heaven we're getting this stat? No, it's just someone hands you a notebook and like, hey, here are all your stats. Yeah, but it's not the complete.
I'm imagining you're at the gate to heaven and you're seeing all these stats. No, it's like stat muse.
It's stat booze where you can look. Okay, here's when I drank this beer.
You can pull up. You can sort the data.
You can sort the different numbers and different columns. You can get whatever you want.
But there's so much time left. The data would be exciting.
We're going to go with sports minutes watched. Ooh, good one.
Because, again, if you're breaking into the data, it'd be interesting to see the different sports, which sports you watch the most, who knows knows ball the most if you can compare contrast with your friends to be like it's like kind of like spotify end of the year like yeah i'm in top one percent where are you i think i'm top one percent of maction i think i would be in the world yeah i don't know what else i could say i'm top one percent in but but watching Maction is there. Okay.
And then again, if we're talking about data and actually being able to see, to me, what would be interesting is the data would be text messages sent. And then also seeing text to girls, text to friends, text to work.
Text messages sent. Where are you sending your texts? I mean, everyone texts all day, right? Your ratio of text received to text sent? Yeah.
Yeah, that's not a great pick, but it's your pick. Yeah.
That's fine. Good pick, Max.
Yeah. You're either going to find out you only talk to dudes or you only talk to chicks.
What's that, Max? It wasn't your pick? I didn't say anything. That was my pick.
That was my pick. I mean, Max's picks.
Well, I mean. Oh, your live stream's going to be so awesome.
We'll give another one for Max. You guys are already falling apart.
No, I have. Yeah.
I have one in there that I think is great. Okay.
All right. We're up next.
It's not at the top of the list. I think we go with three.
Yeah? Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. I'm going to say three.
All right. Let me phrase this correctly so that, well, we can, we can workshop it, but it's basically

it's biggest comeback based on win probability and getting out of trouble with your wife,

girlfriend or parents or boss.

So it's basically what, like your stats of you're in trouble and you got out of trouble

and seeing the win probability.

Like you had a 2% chance of getting out of this pickle and you found a way to get out of it. out of that's not gonna look good on the graphic but i love that yeah what do you want on the graph uh win probability of getting out of trouble biggest comeback in terms of win probability and getting out of trouble yeah biggest yeah you don't like that hey yours would be on fire you know i just don't know how it's going to fit You spent your entire teens in trouble Yeah, Hank, you were in trouble You got fired and then you just kept showing up You were like the reverse Atlanta Falcons Yeah, how close were you to being in big time trouble And then you got yourself out of it Biggest comeback in getting out of trouble? Yeah By win probability By win probability Yeah that's a great pick it's a good pick it's a great pick that's a pick all right text messages like you're about to get arrested you tell the cop it's the data the interesting data the cop this would be very interesting data to be able to basically list all the times you were in trouble the cop pulls you over all ones you get pulled over by a cop maybe you have something shouldn't have.
You tell the cop a great lie about where you're going. Cop's like, okay, I'm going to let you off with a warning.
Yeah. You want to know that.
Yeah. 99.8%.
I was getting locked up. How close.
All right. Your guys' last two picks.
So you guys can veto this. It's a little similar to Hank's other one, but we had a number of football games you've watched at least one second of i think it's very similar yeah okay because you figure it's 250 272 a year times whatever veto yeah okay uh number of days you've spent on the toilet okay but the the shit stat that we brought up that wasn't good enough for you guys no it was fine you spent a lot of a lot of time playing games and texting on the toilet.
Okay. Translate that to days.
You spent a decent amount of your lives on the toilet. That's a pick.
All right, big cat for ours. Oh, they have one more.
Getting lost in the snake. Last one.
What do you think of Jake? Who was my team last year? I think you kicked everyone off. I was going to say, my team last year sucked.
I came in halfway through, and then you kicked me off. Oh, no, I had Liam.
Yeah. And then you got salty for some reason, as is tradition in Mount Rushmore season.
Hank takes his ball and goes home. Oh, no.
If you guys can remember, it was all behind the scenes. You guys used to cry about the polls.
We didn't cry about the polls. We suggested you come in crying, tears rolling down his face.
Big strong man, tears in his eyes. I suggested doing this the way that we're doing it this year one time.
Okay, what do you guys got? You're on the clock. Come up with a pick.
Should we do? Three, two, one. How many partners you've had? Okay.
You can just know that. Philly, you're fucking Casanova.
I don't know. I don't know.
Can we change the pick? No, that's the pick. That's the pick.
Pounds lifted. No, that's the pick.
Billy and Jake fuck so much. Jake wrote.
You guys, Will Chamberlain over here? He wrote it on the thing. I mean, we're not changing the pick because of the reaction.
No, the pick is the pick. The the pick.
The pick is in. Yeah.
Wow, what fascinating data. So I like our number six that we have, Big Cat.
I also like our number four. I think we should go four.
Okay, I was going to say four, six, or seven. All right.
Okay, we'll go four. We'll go four.
Seven might. Seven totally takes a big dump on what they just did.
Yeah, all right, let's do seven then. Okay.
Yeah. Seven is chicks that you totally could have banged.
Yeah. That you never knew.
You never knew, but they were down. They were down.
That would be great. That would be great.
That's good. You were completely oblivious or something.
You're too drunk. I'd kill myself again probably.
Yeah. Just to see that and be like, oh, fuck.

And there would be some real shockers on that list.

Yeah, big time.

Yeah, that's a great pick.

But then there would also probably be somewhere you're like, oh, where's she?

And you keep like looking for her.

You're like, oh my God.

Oh shit, she never wanted to.

There'd be ones that'd be like, oh my God, that's terrifying.

Yeah, and then you could tell your friend like, I totally could have banged this person. Yeah, Sidney Sweeney somehow is on my list.
Yeah. Crazy.
Yeah. Alright, I'm gonna let Max Eddie add one he loves.
He knows Sidney Sweeney. No, I do love this.
I love this. She's the it girl right now.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Sidney Sweeney. Yeah.
Do you think, Hank, do you think do you think when I told J-Lo that her hair smelled nice, do you think she would show up on my stats? Maybe. Yeah, maybe.
What a- I mean, her and A-Rod broke up. It's like, how do you get back at this guy? You might have both of them on the list.
Who knows? Oh, okay. Get with his co-host.
You're going to get randoms. Oh, yeah.
It would be great. Woman that works at DMV.
Yeah. Yeah.
And it's going to be like, what? Yeah. And that's just like- I fell in love with the airport today.
You did? Yeah. Oh, damn.
Me and the girl were both getting up through clear together. Shit.
Could have been on your list. We exchanged.
We had some pleasantries. Okay.
Went our separate ways. I love exchanging pleasantries.
And I would love to know if- She was down. Yeah.
She was down to clown. I never will.
She totally was. Yeah.
She totally was. She laughed.
She laughed my joke. Wait, wait.
I want to hear what your joke was So we both went through clear And then she was in front of me But then she was like oh you can go first And I was like thanks And then we went into separate security lines And then she ended up getting her stuff in first So she was in front of me To go through the metal detector and I was like oh you won the race and she

started dying fuck yes

you crushed that yeah she definitely wanted

yeah she wanted a piece

uh okay last pick

uh this is me

um

you said

I mean you said whatever this is me

this is me

max is throwing you big time I also

did I also did text Hank right before this

I'm like I'm gonna let you run point like this

This is the. This is me.
This is us. Wow.
Max is throwing you big time. I also did text Hank right before this.

I'm like, I'm going to let you run point.

You're the captain here.

Experience matters.

And then there was one pick.

There was one pick.

Whatever.

Tell us.

No, no.

You saw it.

The text message.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

So now I'm like, I will.

You also didn't have beers on there.

We're not.

Beers is great.

Beers is great.

We're fine.

So if you want me to run point, you have to live with fucking. Yeah.
All right. Yeah.
Yeah. Run point.
Run point. Yeah.
Yeah. No, no.
Yeah. You go.
Run point. I'm passing you the ball.
Okay. All right.
I'm point guard. Here's the ball.
Can we get a pick? Dribble, dribble, dribble. Pass.
Laughs received. Okay.
So you could like brag to your boys, be like, I'm funnier than you. You could bring it up to girls.
Very useful there, too. Yeah, chicks love that when you're like, hey, look how funny I am by the stats.
No, but it's just no. I think it's pretty lame.
No, I had something similar. Jokes landed.
Yeah, jokes landed. Basically the same thing.
Well, no, not the same thing. You have laughs received.
Well, like, yeah. Because those could be laughs at you.
Yeah, you could, like, fall and hit your head. Yeah.
People laugh at you. No, but we've talked about it.
It's a Rolodex of stats. So you get all of the stats within laughs.
Okay. Okay.
All right. I better pick than Hank's text message.
Yeah. So good job, Max.
All right. So that's the first Mount Rushmore.
Do we have honorable mentions? We had a couple. I would love to know this.
Shooting percentage on trash cans. Just like your heat map, the longest shot you've ever made.
I would say I'm probably 50%. I miss a lot, but it would be nice to see the whole thing.
Pairs of socks. Ooh, yeah.
That's a good one. You probably should have taken that.
What about dogs petted? Oh, yeah. In all the breeds and stuff? I would love to know that.
Max would have a single digit. Max would be Brody that one time before the game started.
Max would be the Jason Terry meme. If only there was halftime footage of that.
Me and Brody were being absolute boys during halftime. Max had calories consumed, which I thought was, like, who wants to see that? That would be depressing.
see that that would be depressing pounds lifted in like your your if you like really tried how high your maxes could have been okay yeah i had a similar one where it's like what is that if you had truly applied yourself how fast you could be yeah like how good you could be at a sport if you had dedicated yourself you're like what's your's your athletic potential? Two, it's absolute max.

Limit doesn't exist for any of us. Limit doesn't exist.

I also had parallel parking percentage.

That would be good just to see how many times you've nailed it,

how many times you've totally talked it up.

Laws broken.

Laws broken would be great.

That's a good one.

That was a miss.

Your honorable mentions are better than your pick.

I mean, yeah.

A boring one that I would like to see is hours slept would be fun would be fun. Hours Slept would be interesting to look at.
That'd be good. That one's pretty.
You could probably calculate. That'd be boring.
You could get it, though. What about Steps Taken? That's a good one.
Yeah. Chicken wings eaten? Ooh.
Yeah. I bet you I'd be top in this room.
Yeah. I'd say way more chicken wings than be way more chicken wings than anybody else.
But animals eaten, like, full animals. Like, you've eaten, like, 20, like, bulls in your lifetime.
Yeah. Or 100 chickens.
Yeah. One that just popped in my head that would have been great is, like, closest you've been to death.
Yeah, we had that. Yeah, like- It shows partners instead.
The moments, yeah. Closest you've been to death without knowing it would Yeah, without knowing.
Like final destination. Yeah.
Like how how close were you actually to dying in that moment? Yeah. Selfishly, a number of water bottles drank.
Okay. Yeah.
I wouldn't have done that. How much of the environment you've destroyed on your own.
It's not great. Time's ejaculated listening to Al Michaels.
This one's dark, but how many people you've killed inadvertently? And how many was that for you, Billy? No, no, like a butterfly effect. Like you threw something in the trash, trash can lit on fire.
Well, that's everybody. So every single thing that you do is killing everybody.
Yeah, but like inadvertently, but sort sort of related i think you think that you've

killed somebody i want to put it past you no i i once swerved away from a car that was going in action yeah uh whoa okay no i swerved out of the way of a car that was going into the highway you know police chase yeah and then i swerved to avoid it and then it hit the person behind me and that We can cut this part.

So you killed someone.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

What about- A better pick would have been- I called 911. I pulled over and called 911.
A better pick would have been live saved. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, here's one that I definitely don't want to know, but I had it on my list.
Gambling record. Yeah.
That one I do not want to know. I'd never ever want to know it, but man,

would it be interesting for a second.

And then I would be like PFT during

Mount Rushmore season, just crying everywhere.

Just weeping.

Weeping on my gambling record.

I had such a hard time with Mount Rushmore season.

I lost sleep. I cried.

That's why I lost my hair.

Okay.

That was good. That was a good Mount Rushmore.
Good start to the season. Yeah.
Everyone feel good? Jake, Billy, great job. Big Cat, great job.
Yes, great job. Good job, everyone.
Yeah. Okay.
We're off. So go vote.
Noon to two. No one's going to fuck with the polls.
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And now here's Arian Moyad.

We now welcome on a very special guest.

It is actor Arian Moyad.

He is, you probably know him from Succession.

He's done a lot of stuff though.

Yeah.

Stewie from Succession.

Let's start there because- It's a show that was on HBO. Yeah.
It's now called Max. Is it a little, I mean, it was an incredible show.
Your character was incredible. We loved watching it.
Do you feel like, though, a little, everyone's like, hey, that's Stewie. Oh, yeah.
Like, I've done a ton of other things. Like, I'm an accomplished actor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, i was just literally on broadway and they'd see me on broadway and then they'd be like stewie i love you but yeah i mean he's just i mean he's love i mean it's so fun to be in a show that's so amazing and everyone fucking loves the show but yeah it's also love yeah just like the characters just love yeah which is crazy because everyone in that show is a terrible person yeah and it's like to have people be like oh stewie i loved your character that's pretty cool all the time yeah all the time yeah so is that weird that people love stewie but stewie is an utter scumbag you know it's you know i mean who isn't a scumbag on that show but he's a scumbag that's fun yeah and he would have a good time at a party i remember we were that for the for the kendall birthday party there was conversation that stewie was going to be at that party and i remember i remember a bunch of writers were at the at the monitor and this must have been a couple episodes prior to that and they're like there's going to be whatcham call aamacallit, a party, and it's going to be Kendall's 40th birthday party.
And do you think Stewie should be there? I'm like, is the party going to be cool? Yeah. And they're like, no.
I said, no, he's not going to be there. Oh, I love it.
I love it. Because that's who he is.
I mean, he knows he's a dickhead, but he's a complete... I mean, he knows what...
He's not going to lie to you about it. Yeah, I was about to say, he's an honest dickhead.
There are a lot of dickheads that are like, they go behind people's backs. They don't say what they actually think.
They're playing an angle. He'll say it to you.
Yeah, in that last episode, he goes votes one way, and like five minutes later when his vote loses, congratulates the new guy. Yeah, right.
He's always winning. Talk to you soon.
Yeah, he plays both sides. You're always winning.
So when you take that role, did you have any idea that this show was going to be as successful as it is? Because it had to have been a weird experience to, you know, tape the pile or, you know, be in the first season and then slowly like, oh shit, this is really resonating and people are starting to recognize me. Yeah, I mean, to be real, when we were shooting season one and we were reading the scripts we knew it was special but to you know honestly that doesn't mean that it's going to be popular right you know what i mean that's just the truth that it kind of goes the same with sports you can have you can be a special player doesn't mean you're going to championship right um and so so in this scenario we were reading these scripts and it was, special, special.
And I remember we were shooting the wedding in England, and it was me, Ash Zuckerman. Ash plays Nate and Sarah Snook Shiv.
We were just chatting in the car, and the conversation was, is anyone going to get this? Like, is anyone going to get what we're doing? Because at those scenes in the in the wedding all of a sudden we're now seeing everyone right in their element not just in a table read and it's like oh everyone's a dickhead yeah like everyone's a dickhead and so then it would start to dawn on us like well people get what we're doing here and to be real with you if you look the reviews came out and they didn't. Yeah, I would agree.
And so it's a very fascinating thing because it took a few episodes for them to get into it. And, you know, by episode five or six, it starts really super clicking.
And so maybe the reviews only saw the first two or three. You know what I mean? So it was interesting.
And then, but we believed in it. And then I think when that boardroom episode hit, yeah.
And episode one where, where he loses that boardroom vote, it just, and it's also the middle of the season. I think, I think everyone that was watching it got caught on.
And then we were shooting season two and we're shooting Lake Placid in lake placid to shoot the um our uh episode like four or five of season two uh our jesties i think is the name of it and we were shooting that episode and as we were on our first day of shooting we were leaving and we leave the bar and this guy comes out of the bar and says you guys are gonna be fucking famous i said he just said it. And we all kind of looked at each other like crazy.
And then it happened. Yeah, it was just a surreal moment because, again, the show hadn't picked up that much steam.
It really wasn't until the pandemic when people started really clocking into it. And when you have that revelation, like, oh, I'm part of now an iconic TV show that people will talk about and re-watch for years.
I would think it may be a little uncomfortable, too, where you're like, now people are going to see me as Stewie for a very long time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, the good news about Stewie is that he is such a big presence and he's such a big part of the DNA of that show.

But he's not in all the episodes.

So you only get like a teaspoon of him.

So in a weird way, I've been able to maneuver a lot of other things.

I can be an Inventing Anna.

Do you know what I mean?

And all of a sudden I have Inventing Anna.

So it's cool.

Stewie can kind of, because you don't see him that much.

I hope that there's going to be some opportunities to get some other things out of him. What about Stewie's spinoff? Yeah, we tried.
To me, when Stewie's not on screen, I'm always wondering, I wonder what Stewie's doing. He's probably having an awesome time somewhere in Europe.
Just doing coke all the time. Just doing coke all the time at some party, but he has to leave soon because he has to go to another party.
Yeah, right. I think that would be the show.
I think that he'd go from party to party, make a deal, tell them they're idiots, and then go to the next place and make another deal. Backstab the first guys.
Yeah, and then keep on going. I would absolutely love that show.
I would definitely watch it. I always wonder when I'm watching Succession, like is Brian Cox the actor? He's obviously an incredible actor.
Yeah. Legendary.
Yeah. Is he intimidating intimidating is he like when you first get on set with him the character he plays obviously maybe the most intimidating person in the world but just like his voice and how he carries himself he seems like he'd be kind of scary to work with at first yeah i mean yeah he's a legend so you also are you know acting with a legend and so yeah it's it's it's intimidating and then you get to know him and he's kind of like a teddy bear you know it's it's the the one unique thing about succession that might not be picked up by people is that we all are from the theater yeah we're all from the theater so we've all done shitty off off off off whatever the hell backstage grinding you know what i mean and so there's a level of like comfort of people of of that and brian is like a man of the theater yeah obviously and so so that's one cool thing but you know i was super intimidated about the day that i had to go tell him to go fuck himself everyone fucking hates you that that in season one and and not only him david rashy was in that sceneieran was in that scene jay smith was in that scene i mean it was a powerhouse of a team and and what's amazing about that show is the writing is so special that like you focus deep down on the writing writing writing right you just like focus all your energy on the writing and the room because and like trying to memorize and get it all right and then and that room becomes a little bit calmer but yeah hell yeah it's intimidating also i remember there was one day we were shooting in england brian cox is there and harriet walters who plays uh caroline his wife you know the mom yeah they're all there person terrible i mean kind of maybe the worst person yeah actually maybe the scene when kendall having a breakdown, and she's like, let's talk about this over breakfast.
Let's table this. You were an awful child, he says.
I mean, all that stuff. But the two of them are there, and I'm sitting there, and I'm looking at them, and I'm like, I wonder how long these guys know each other.
And I said, so how long have you two known each other? And immediately they popped into this moment where he must have been like 24, 25 as a teacher. And she must have been like 16, 17, something like that.
And he was directing her in a scene, swear to God. And they are bringing, hashing up all of this energy from I don't even know how long ago.
He was like, you were cross with me. I was not cross with you.
I was telling you that I was like, oh, boy. Yeah.
That's like, and that was like one moment where you're like, oh, shit. And that's stuff we never see, but they have built up.
That's incredible. From 24, he was directing her in a scene.
He didn't compliment her. She could have done better.
He was was just like let it go baby yeah i definitely i definitely got that everybody are in a lot of scenes a lot of people that were acting they had those theater backgrounds and the whole thing it made it feel more shakespearean almost and it's a very shakespearean show to begin with but i'm always curious when you talk to actors that have been on broadway that have a big theater background, and then they make a transition to television. What do you have to change about your craft where you're not acting to an audience that's, you know, 180 degrees in front of you and you're acting to one camera specifically? That's an amazing question.
Great question. Thank you.
He said amazing. Amazing question.
Thank you. It was unbelievable.
Unbelievable question. The truth is it shouldn't matter because you're both trying to go after the truth you know what i mean yeah in a in in the theater deep you know what i mean in the theater though thank you you said deep yeah very deep you said deep in the theater um it's you you might have to project because there might be more people so you might have to be louder um and you can't do that while you're in an intimate scene or whatever.
But that's basically, I mean, I try not to think of them too differently. And to be real with you, if you were to ask all those actors, I think they'd all say the same thing.
Yeah. I think we're just trying to go after something that's very specific and true.
And the size of the room is the only difference. You know what I mean? Again, think of it as sports.
You know, I was just re-watching The Last Dance for the 15th time. Great.
Yeah. And I always think about the game, the Olympics game that they all played.
You know, and that Olympics game, the arena, whatever, it was a practice. I mean, it was just, it was a practice hall.
It couldn't have been more than, it wasn't a huge place, I don't think. Yeah.
Or maybe it was, No, it looked like a tiny gym. Yeah, it looked like a tiny gym for me.
You were talking about the practice where they were switching up the teams. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so you're still playing the game. Right.
You're still playing the game. When there's more people, you have other variables that you have to deal with, but you're still just – at the end of the day, you're just going for a win.
And it's up to the director of photography to figure out where to put the cameras to

get the proper shots of you and

get what you're putting out there, but you're still

putting the same thing out there. 100%.
Again,

just like in sports. The coach comes in,

you're going over here, you need to go over there.

It's very, I

think of those analogies as very similar.

The only difference is we're not out to

beat anyone. You know what I mean? We're not

trying to win a game. We're just trying to be the

best person. We're just all trying

to be Jordan. Sometimes there are actors like that

Thank you. The only difference is we're not out to beat anyone.
You know what I mean? We're not trying to like win a game. We're just trying to be the best person.
We're just all trying to be Jordan. Sometimes there are actors like that though, right? That try to win every scene.
Sure. Is that difficult to deal with? Or do you have like ways of disarming them? Yeah.
When you're dealing with an actor that's trying to win every scene and trying to like outdo you or whatever, for me, it's actually, I kind of like let them ride that and i try to go underneath them yeah you know what i mean just because that trying to overpower that all of a sudden turns into something it doesn't turn into the scene yeah if there's an energy that's very like a caustic and it's like i'm gonna try to fucking win this scene which is also insane. Yeah.
It's just, it shouldn't feel like that. You know, acting should feel like a, it should feel like Jordan Pippen.
Yeah. It should feel like, well, prior to.
Yeah, well, not now. Not today.
Not now. Not now.
Well, so you mentioned something about the writing and the writing on Succession was great. I'm curious when you are, whether it be theater, whether it be TV, be tv movies when you look at the writing do you know right away like oh this writing is going to bring the best out of me or i'm going to have to do something here special because the writing might not be up to snuff uh amazing question thank you amazing unbelievable thank you thank you it's one one should be the entire interview, just us asking questions and complimenting us.

Never answer anything. And by the way, your last answer was incredible.
Thanks. Yeah.
Thank you very much. I thought it was unbelievable.
Thank you. I heard incredible.
I heard unbelievable too. What was the question? It was about the writing.
Like, can you tell right away, okay, this writing is going to bring the best out of me or I'm going to have to work something here where I'm going to have to figure out a way to bring the best out of me or i'm gonna have to work something here where i'm gonna have to figure out a way to bring the best out of the writing it it's the to me i i i think of myself as an actor who is really more interested in story so the writing is everything to me and i actually say no to a lot of things because of the writing. Not only do I not bring anything to it, I feel like with, I think that if the writing is real, you know, not, if the writing's bad, I will be bad along with it and maybe be even worse because I'm not trying, I can't maneuver it.
Right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
And so writing for me is like the key most important thing you know period yeah and so when I get a piece of great writing like succession what happens when you have something like that is that you try to maneuver all your skills all your tool set to be like how do I get at the you know there's a line in season three in which i had to say something like um um you're gonna cut my dick off and shove it up my cunt like poo poo up your nose holes like all these like weird ass things like almost swear on this show oh fuck it's succession is an all-time swearing show yeah all times so i and i and i remember going to jesse and be like jesse i don't know if i can do i don't know if i can pull this off he's like you can do it you can do it and so you're tackling this amazing writing which is kind of like you have to think of it like they've known each other since high school so they talk like kids sometimes and they talk like bluntly and stupidly. And so you're taking all that and you're trying to find that energy from like high school in a weird way.
And so you have to like tackle it in a different way. And that to me is not only a challenge, but that's what makes it exciting.
It makes it fresh and it feels like he's like improvising these things. But I'm saying it verbatim.
Yeah. And I think a lot of times when we're watching shows, we forget like, cause it does, a lot of your scenes feels like improvising.
Yeah. It's like, but the writing is so phenomenal.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And there's also improvising because, and I don't know if you guys knew this or not, but also rarity on succession is that whole thing is shot on film.
We shoot everything on old-fashioned film so you can't cut in the middle of a thing oh you know what i mean yeah just keep going you just gotta keep going so all of a sudden there's a scene with like eight of us three cameras are going there's 50 extras or whatever you have a two-person scene you have a two-person scene we have a two-person scene all of a sudden and your scene fucks up you got to keep moving man you just got to keep moving and so you just have to make do with what you got until that scene's done so we can go to this other scene so improvising is gonna always be a part of it because we're shooting on film we don't we don't say like oh let's just take that back you could never in the middle of a scene be like can i I say that again? Yeah. Do you prefer that? Oh, I would love it.
Do you like that experience? I love that. But it's never going to happen again.
Why? Because it's wildly expensive. Okay.
So that's why Oppenheimer was like the most expensive movie ever, right? Because they shot just tons and tons of film. They're just rolling on film.
And when we were shooting the funeral scenes and the wake scenes, those are 24, 25 page scenes. Yeah.
And those scenes, scenes you know the camera can only hold 16 minutes so and let's say a minute a page so they'd they'd they choreograph it that two cameras would start first and then the third one start in the in that section and then in the middle of the the whole scene they'd move the reels and put new reels in while the you know it's like it was like choreography yeah so this is a dumb question because i don't know anything what what's the benefit of it the benefit of it is you're getting a lived in honest what it might actually look like experience okay so the actual like in the visuals of it are but what the energy of what you guys are feeling in succession that improvised that, that spontaneous, that kind of fucking- It's on edge. It's on the edge.
Every time it feels dangerous almost, it's because we're shooting on film. We should film this podcast on film.
Yeah. That wouldn't be a problem for our editors.
How quickly can we get film up on YouTube? Can we do that in six hours? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six.
I think they got some guys that could do it for six hours.

Okay, quick break in the interview for a sponsor alert from ourselves.

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Okay, back to the interview. I knew the show was going to be a smash the first time I saw it within the first five seconds and I heard the theme song

Credit to you

That to me is, what's that?

Credit to you

Yeah, credit to me, like the theme song hit and I was like, okay, this is a smash

When you watch it back, do you listen to the entire theme song?

Because it is a banger

I am addicted, I'm going to tell you guys an exclusive here

Okay

And I'm sure he's going to hate me for saying that

Oh, we actually, we know him

I know the guy

So you can say it

I had dinner with him

We had dinner with him

Yeah

I asked him, I remember I was like, so you don't watch sports i was like so what do you do on sundays and he was like i don't know like go to the park and stuff i was like what do you mean that was a real conversation how did you guys meet him uh we have a mutual friend oh amazing yeah he's incredible i've been asking him for years hey i want to watch you you know do some composing on succession and i got to sit in over his shoulder watching him compose the last like putting the final touches of the last episode of seas of this season wow that's great it's unbelievable and it must be like fascinating to watch a guy like that work and not only that it's so nimble and so fast and so on the fly and you know again it's it's like it's it's split session splits this you know split what do i know second split second decision making like quick fast boom because it's the last day he had to turn it was just phenomenal i'm addicted to the score yeah i listen to the score all the time it's it's, it is special. Oh, it's amazing.
And have you seen the videos, any videos of like now like hip hop concerts? They're just like dropping it. Yeah.
They're just like. Yeah.
Because it's got a very strong, you know, hip hop influence to it. It all does.
Yeah. Yeah.
I love the score. I love the music.
I think it's genius. I think Nicholas Patel is a genius.
He he is but he doesn't watch football so he does not watch football I'd be that smart if I didn't watch football if I didn't spend all my Sundays just glued to a couch yeah or go yeah he's going to the park man yeah he's going to the park he's enjoying it the other thing about Succession one last thing about Succession is that I am I don't know don't know how this happens, but this happens in shows like this. If you read like, you know, any of these like history about like Sopranos or like old movies or whatever, somehow or another, the world brings together all of the, you know, the people that fit right into this like pocket.
And Succession is that from every member of the crew to all the writers to all the cast to Nicholas Bratel. Like every element of it was just it attracted such excellence.
Yeah. It's one of those shows where if, you know, they'll sometimes have articles like, oh, did you know Nick Cage was supposed to be Batman or something like that? If I watched if I saw that of like, you know, Succession, this character was supposed to be this actor.
I'd be like, no, that doesn't make sense. Yeah.
Like it's just, everything was so great. It was just so great.
Yeah. You guys must've been relieved too, after the final episode aired, because there's nothing that we like to do more as a society than just absolutely trash a series finale.
Oh yeah. yeah.
It doesn't matter how good it is. It always sucks.

You can never tie anything up completely.

I think, by and large, the response to the series finale of Succession

was like, that was very, very good and very well done.

I agree.

Yeah, I agree.

I agree.

I think we knew it along the way.

I mean, you know, we had a meeting with,

we had like a Zoom meeting in like July or August of last year.

So that would be 2022. And he was going – and he was going to – it was like 20 or 30 actors from the show.
And he was basically like saying, here's what's going to happen in the season. And basically saying, this is what's going to drop.
This is what's going to happen here. And, you know, just telling us.
And then all of a sudden like it dawned on us like, oh, we have to keep this a secret until it happens. Yeah.
And then... Did you not tell anyone? I did not tell a single human.
I would tell everyone. Yeah.
You'd tell anyone? My wife didn't want to know. A dog? Okay, that's fair.
My wife didn't want to know. And honestly, there was such a...
Because HBO also did Game of Thrones, and we've heard rumors about people kind of, you know, like spoiling it and also it came in coming back to that actor. And we're kind of like, you know what? I don't want to, all of us were kind of like, we don't want to be that.
Maybe they told you a fake ending just to see if you were the one. It's like Vince McMahon used to do that.
Yeah. Well, along the way, he tells us this thing and then he says to us, he goes, and I'm not sure if this is the last season, but it might be.
And I remember him saying that he was going to find out by October. October came and went.
We're now in November. We're in December.
And in our minds, we're like, come on, baby. One more season.
But the scripts were just, everyone was more and more gold yeah it just was like rocket like just it's beautiful and then we're like oh he's ending this thing and we were really devastated by the whole thing because we all wanted to just play some more honestly the people just want to hang out some more yeah but the reality is we knew that he had an ending that was going to be satisfying. Yeah.
And not bullshit. And not like gimmicky.
And not like something that just feels like, oh, they jumped a shark in a way. It was the cycle will continue.
These people will always lose. You know what I mean? They should lose.
Yeah. They should fucking lose.
They're dead inside. They're dead inside.
Yeah. And that's what you're going to have to live with.
And that's, you know, I remember a friend of mine during the middle of the season is like, I feel like I'm caring too much about all these characters now. I'm like, just hold.
Just wait for all these guys. They're still going to be at the end of the end.
Yeah. It really was like leaving you wanting more, which is a great feeling to have.
Yeah. Because you could have done, I'm sure, you know, Hollywood execs probably wanted them to do another eight seasons because of the money it makes.
But to be able to pull it at its height was genius. You know what's crazy? And I didn't even think about this.
It's 100% true. At the time and going back and thinking about the final board vote, Ewan, how he acts in the final, he's always been like the the guy the bastion of integrity on the show like i'm not going to sully my name with roy family he kind of felt like he showed himself to just be like a pragmatist like everybody else yeah and where he's like yeah i i do like the money yeah that was that was a crazy last scene yeah because it's also crazy because for you and especially because he has so many ups and downs i mean that funeral scene where he's like basically you know it's it's it's a ewan is a very funny character in a way because he represents so much of what we want to say to them do you know what i mean right he just like and he does it in the most awkward place like the funeral yeah he's just like no my brother was not a good man i mean he's got an ego too just like his brother yeah yeah exactly exactly exactly so what what's uh what's your dream role or dream job coming up like you've i feel like

this probably unlocks a lot of things for you yeah you were probably getting more offers or maybe

maybe the same amount but you you have a bunch of options is there one thing that you're like i

really always wanted to do this or that because you you've done theater, TV, movies, everything. Yeah.
I mean, there's people I want to work with. You know, that's kind of like the vibe.
Who? Jordan Peele. Okay.
I would love to work with Jordan Peele. Okay.
Throw it out in the universe. Yeah, I'm just putting it out there.
Yeah. You know, I just did a Broadway play with Jessica Chastain.
One of my favorite actresses. she and I Are really interested in doing a romantic comedy Which would be kind of fun There needs to be more rom-coms I agree with you I sit on the couch with my wife and we're just scrolling Give me something that I'm currently in a movie called You Hurt My Feelings It's not a rom-com but it's a And you'll dig it because it's about, I'll tell you the story.
It stars Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies. I'm in it.
And Michaela Watkins, directed by the great Nicole Hoff Center. The story is very simple.
The husband is talking to me and says, I don't love my wife's new book. And she overhears it.
And she has been hearing how much he loves the new book. Oh, I love it.
And it seems, and that's the premise of the movie. And it's so smart because it deals with a lot of other things with relationships.
Yeah, that's the tip of the iceberg. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
What else has he been lying about? Or are you lying to your kids? Yeah.

When they say, when they're shitty at soccer and they're like, you did a great job.

Yeah.

Like, what's that about?

Yeah, like my son is, you know, he's now pooping in the toilet a lot.

And I'm like, I'm so proud of you.

It's like, dude, I'm really like, you should have been doing this a while ago, dude.

Yeah.

What the fuck?

Yeah, what the fuck?

I think, should you say that? Yeah. What the fuck, dude? I've tried yeah what the fuck dude i've tried that method it didn't work no you got upset so so yes i think you know to answer your question i would love to it's just working with the right people and i would love to do a comedy i really would think you know when i started off in my 20s i really thought i was going to do a lot of comedies.
And I'm Iranian and Middle Eastern, and I went into, like, every Middle Eastern, like, play that was, like, a tragedy beyond tragedy. And so, like, now I'm ready for a fun comedy.
I like it. Rom-coms need to make a strong comeback.
I feel like we had a ton in, like, 15 years ago. The 90s.
Early 2000s. Well, Matthew McConaughey's gotten too old, so we can't really have him be the male leader anymore.
So that's the taking of an entire industry right there. Yeah, that's right.
Are you going for the career EGOT? Are you going for the Emmy, the Grammy, the Oscar, and Tony? Well, right now I'm- You're nominated for a Tony, right? I'm nominated for a Tony. That's the hardest one.
Bless you. I've lost twice now, which is tough.
Someone calling you a loser. Not me.
I might be an- I would go for an EGOT loser Yeah Oh Because I'm nominated for an Emmy Lost that too The Philly got Yeah Philadelphia got The Philly got Yeah It's perfect So you're nominated for Tony What else have you been nominated for? I did a play on Broadway 11 years ago, Get Ready for This, starring me and Robin Williams. Oh, that's got to be, I mean, that must have been a thrill.
I've got like a million questions and they're all just, how cool is Robin Williams? It's amazing. He was my mentor.
He ended up being my mentor. Wow.
Yeah, we were really close by the end. How do you ask a guy of Robin Williams stature to be like, can you be my mentor? I mean, this is, I was 30.
I was starring on Broadway in a play called The Bengal Tiger, The Baghdad Zoo with Robin Williams. And I had like a three-month-old and I had a two-year-old.
And I was broke as a motherfucking joke and living on unemployment. It was bad.
But I also, I'm not going to get too deep into this, but I started this nonprofit in New York called Waterwell. And it was actually, it was like year eight or nine and it was picking up steam.
And I remember, and Robin was such a man of service. USO, anything really.
And I asked him, I was like, you know, my company is non-profits picking up steam. But a lot of my actor and industry friend types are saying like, yo, you should drop all that shit and just go and try to be a, you know, whatever, a movie star or whatever.
Or whatever that even means. And Robin was the only person that said stick with the nonprofit.
That's fantastic.

It's because he knew that that was going to bring me more joy. And actually, he also knew that that was going to get me more, I don't know, more success in a weird way.

You're going to be more fulfilled as a human being.

Yeah.

So, yeah, let's gas up.

What does Waterwell do?

Waterwell is a 20-year-old company that is a community organizing art and education company here in the city what we do is we make art that kind of like tackles the major questions that we're trying to ask without being polemic not right not left not blue not red it's like tackling it in a real way and that's what we do on the artistic side. But we then bring it to the communities in which they, we work with the veteran community, work with the immigrant community, and we talk to them and hear what they want to say about stuff.
And then they like tell us, oh, this is what we're actually dealing with. And we try to make a piece of art that kind of like works alongside that.
Meanwhile, we run an entire education program. And we're a huge vendor york new york city department of education in which we teach grades 6 through 12 something that we call the artist a citizen in which we'll teach you how to be a world-class artist we'll also teach you it won't matter unless you try to better the communities that you give a shit about sports gaming uh what honestly it doesn't actually fucking matter that's great and we've been doing that.
So we've been running the school for 12 years and Waterwell has been around for it. We're walking into our 20th year and I'm the co-founder of the company.
That's incredible. So no water involved though? No water at all.
Okay, because I was a little confused. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're going to jump. Basically, the only water that is sent out is like the water that you get backstage like you give me.
Yeah, that's fantastic it basically sounds like you're just making people better people we're trying to yeah in like civics and art yeah from a uh from a young age oh yeah that's great yeah and and and need more of that and robin was you know you can imagine you can imagine all my friends they're like dude you're starring on broadway with robin williams Do the fucking thing. Do that.
Do all the stuff. And Robin was the one that's like, no, stick to it.
It's working. It's going to keep on working.
I think that's good advice. It's also funny that so many people are like, stop doing all that shit.
Go out and make a fuckload of money in Beverly Hills. It's like, actually, the reason why you're doing this is because there's too much of that.
Yeah. Of people caring only about themselves.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's fantastic. And that's who Robin was.
Robin gave a shit about everybody. I remember we were doing the show and was at the Richard Rogers also kind of crazy because that's where Hamilton is right now.
So no one ever is going to be in that theater again because Hamilton is going to be in that theater forever. So I also got to be in the Hamilton Theater prior to Hamilton.
And so there was magic in that show. And after every show, you could put your friends' names on a list and they'd come out backstage and they'd land on the stage.
And then they'd all just like chit-chat. And then all the actors can come out.
And one day there was this guy that was on the stage and he was a uh he was a black dude with a mohawk and like it seemed like 75 000 earrings in his ears he was like a real goth looking guy and i was like i wonder whose friend this is like i wonder whose guy this is so i went up to him i was like who's your friend he's like i'm waiting for robin that's fantastic and the next day i was like robin who's that dude like how do you know that guy that guy i guess was um like on the streets of san francisco and he got him to get become sober and was his men like his what do you call his sponsor and i was like what the fuck are you talking about yeah like what who are you yeah that's who he was yeah you call it? His sponsor. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah.
Like, who are you? Who are you? That's who he was. Yeah.
That's incredible. He was a cool.
And also funny as hell. I mean, just funny.
Yeah. And just, you know, he just knew how to take anything and make 45,000 jokes out of it.
Yeah. And they would always work.
Yeah. So when you made Robin laugh, which was a few times, it would just be like the best thing.
Oh, I'm sure it felt incredible. All right, well, this has been fantastic.
I have one last question. I know you've got another interview you've got to do.
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All right, We've got to wrap up in a second here, but do you have any sports takes you want to give us? We could grade your take if you have a take that you've been thinking about. I think the Nuggets are going Dynasty.
Okay. Correct.
I think I thought the first – who'd they play first? They played the Timberwolves. Timberwolves.
The first – I was like, these guys are going to win the entire thing and not only that they're no one's going to even come close to them and and it's true he the joker is unbelievable he's the best alive he's there's nothing like it i think i everything he does even the way that he he went after he like hugged every single guy and gave him props. This guy is perfect.
Denver, we're all going to Denver. So Dynasty, I like that.
I think that's fair. I don't think anyone's going to come close.
Anything less than three and it's a disappointment. It's an utter failure.
Move the team. Move the city.
Move the city. Move the city.
Move the city. Here we go.
Give Oklahoma City another team. Oklahoma City needs two teams.
That's a nice second take. Thank you.
Appreciate it so much. Thank you.
Ari Moyed was brought to you by Max. We talked a lot of succession in that interview great great interview uh you can watch all of succession on max.com max.com it is the most exciting streaming destination with the best in entertainment of course we're talking about max they have shows and movies from the food network tlc the dc universe adult swim andim, and more.
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We also, thanks to our wonderful sponsor, max.com, we're doing movie reviews. Next week, we're going to do the documentary about Jared Fogle from Subway.
This week, we're talking about one of my favorite movies, one of my favorite Denzel movies, Man on Fire. I love this movie, PFT.
I know Denzel's been in some awesome movies. It might be my favorite sit-down-and-rewatch Denzel movie.
Yeah, I think there's two Denzel movies that if you were to explain to a Martian what Denzel Washington was, you would press play on these films i would say one would probably be inside man yep and then the second would be man on fire yes man on fire is so fucking good it's it's it's perfect denzel it's like oh this guy has a mysterious background you don't want to fuck with him he can kill anybody he's basically a superhero he's a hardened he's a hardened uh protector uh military background hardened protector of a little girl the little girl obviously so it's set in mexico and uh he's he's hired to basically make sure this little girl doesn't get kidnapped by a wealthy family uh and he of course smirks he doesn't smile he smirks uh with the little girl starts to get her you know like hey i love this little girl she's finally gone through the hardened shell of this military and all the shit i've seen and then guess what she gets kidnapped and then guess what denzel washington goes fucking off my favorite part of the movie is uh when the mom is like what are you gonna do and he best, I'm going to kill him. Anyone that was involved, anyone who profited from it, anybody who opens their eyes at me, I'm going to kill them all.
And he knows exactly who to kill within like half a second of meeting them. Yes.
He's very instinctual. The bomb scene is one of the coolest deaths of all time.
Yes. If you're to like power rank death scenes in movies, that's got to to be it's got to be top five at least yeah i was thinking this is like uh it's basically a uh the original better version of taken yeah because he's like i'm like it basically movie movie movie something the girl gets kidnapped denzel gets hurt in a gun shootout and then he's like guess what i'm gonna do i'm gonna kill every one of these fuckers.
And the next hour of the movie is going to be me doing badass shit, killing everyone. It's also very helpful that they use the Mexico filter on the camera.
You can tune into it and be like, that movie was set in Mexico because I recognize the sepia tones that they're using on this. I forgot when I was watching this again, how he sticks the bomb actually up the dude's ass.
Yes. That's awesome.
There is a twist in this movie that we'll let, for people who have not seen it, I don't want to ruin the great twist. So we'll leave that one.
There's a twist. It's a great twist.
Yeah, I think these are spoiler. Like, if you're going to watch this movie, you should be listening to this part.
The dad was involved. The dad was involved.
The daughter's father was involved. That's crazy.
And Denzel gets through all of it. A couple other of my favorite lines, because they're just...
This is one of those movies that you watch and you fist bump. You're like, fuck yes.
Let's go. I'm going to kill them all.
Christopher Walken had two of them. He said, a bullet always tells the truth.
And then he also... That's the most foreshadowing line of all time Yes and then he also said Talking about Denzel's character He says a man can be an artist In anything food Whatever it depends on how good he is At it Creasy's art is death He's about to paint his masterpiece And then he does How about this one when the old guy says in the church yes say to forgive and then denzel says forgiveness is between them and god it's my job to arrange the meeting fist pump that's what i'm saying yeah this movie is a yet you jack the fuck up you know what this is it's also a perfect plane movie yeah if you're looking to kill like a three-hour plane ride, Man on Fire every time.
And you can watch it

every time you're on a plane.

Yes, yes.

So go watch Man on Fire.

It is...

I really like...

I know that I've...

I mean, I love Bloodsport.

It's one of my favorite movies.

I was going to say,

I feel like you got to rank it

versus Bloodsport.

It's different.

It's like two completely different movies.

Yeah, because Denzel's...

What would you say?

A good actor.

Where Jean-Claude Van Damme is just a hot piece of ass uh it's different they're both I'm gonna give them both five out of five balls I would say comparing them to drugs I would say blood sport is probably more of like a uh it's more of a cocaine and this is more meth like pure meth it's just. He just goes on a rampage, and it's so much fun to watch.
So awesome, awesome action movie. We could do a Mount Rushmore of Denzel movies.
Yeah, we could. John Q.
We should. All right.
Write down, Jake. Denzel movies.
We'll do a Mount Rushmore. This movie was so good that they said, we want to do another version of this.
Can we just give it a different name? And they made the equalizer and it was still a banger. Yes.
It was like a copy. If you took a copy to a copy store and they made a copy of the copy, that's the equalizer.
And it's still an awesome movie. Yes.
Okay. So go to max.com.
You can watch man on fire. You can watch everything on max.com succession.
Like we said, we're going to do. What's the exact title of the documentary we're watching? The Jared one.
Yeah. Jared subway documentary.
It's new. It's brand new.
This is one that this is one of those ones where I, cause I think what we're doing scared, we're trying to do for, for this max.com sponsorship is from subway catching a monster. Okay.
We're, we're trying to watch movies that we would have watched anyway. And this one, I saw it on max.com and I texted you right away, Hank.
I was like, can we do this? Cause I want to, I'm going to watch it regardless. So Jared from subway catching a monster.
You can find it on max.com max.com has everything, movies, TV shows, reality TV shows, scripted TV shows and documentaries documentaries. And we will be reviewing Jared from Subway, Catching a Monster next week for our movie reviews.
Okay. Let's finish up with Fyre Fest.
By the way, big interview Monday. Huge.
I'll say it. Big interview Monday.
Big, big one. I hope it goes well.
Get excited. And and possibly brooks or max yeah actually hank and i might be in las vegas with brooks kapka so he might be in person yeah okay firefest yeah uh firefest has been a very very busy week um work work work work yeah i spent my 30th birthday here i was doing some reflecting no it was fun but you know it's like 30th birthday i gotta do something i was like you know i was i was busy working but we were doing the baseball draft have you guys what have you guys reflected on that since yeah so baseball draft this is what i would For people who don't know, we did our baseball draft.

It's coming the week of July 4th.

July 4th week, we are doing...

Monday, July 3rd.

Monday, July 3rd,

we're going to do the baseball draft,

which I think was hilarious.

Let's not give all of it away

because it is the best fantasy league

I've ever been in.

I'll say that right now.

And then that Friday, July 4th week,

we will have Dungeons & Dragons

with special guest Wonton Doc.

Yes, that was great.

The baseball draft, I would say,

and I've had a little more experience

And And that Friday, July 4th week, we will have Dungeons & Dragons with special guest Wonton Doc. Yes, that was great.
The baseball draft, I would say, and I've had a little more experience because I've been traveling. I listen to the show a little bit more as a listener now.
And if you got stuff going on, you can save the baseball draft for a rainy day. Yeah.
That is truly made for the AWLs who have to work July 3rd yes and not for people that are you know gonna go back and listen it's truly shocking looking back i thought it was good i thought it was good it's shocking looking back on the baseball draft on most of our high picks and seeing how many of them are injured yeah yeah we all have at least one injured yeah or vertigo you can guess who that might be but yeah the baseball the july 3rd 3rd, we're doing Mount Rushmore baseball names. We have the baseball draft.
We also will have NBA free agent talk. So we will have some actual new content on that day.
But the baseball draft, I loved it. I thought it was great.
I'm loving this league. We're just going to have to cut.
There was just a lot of... I think you've got to leave that in.
I've got to slow that down. I think I'm going to go with that.
That's so you can distract guys in the cubes. Yeah, there was a moment where we went on an entire side tangent to let Billy have enough time to decide and then we finished the side tangent.
He's like, all right, so it's my pick. Oh, if you're a fan of Billy going well, he's thinking you're gonna love this shuffling papers fake papers and we also were drinking coors lights we were drinking 40s of course like for frank's birthday yeah it's a 40 for 30 i also this this was like i'm obviously staying in a hotel in manhattan now and i was like man that's kind of sick yeah you like it as a as a visitor as a visitor.
I was like, the city's awesome. Hank's like going to Broadway shows.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, PFT.
So much like Hank, I'm staying in a hotel right now. And so I've been doing a lot of traveling.
So I was in Virginia. Now I'm in New York.
Then I'm going to Austin. Then we're going to Nashville the following week.
I don't have a suitcase that's big enough to accommodate that much travel. You get your little baby suitcase.
You get your lunchbox. I didn't bring the man suitcase.
It's Andre the Giant's lunchbox. That suitcase is the perfect size for a weekend wedding.
That's what that suitcase is meant for. But I brought a bigger one than that.
Last time I came up here. Show it.
You have it right there. Well, this is a different one.
That's the jumbo size? Well, no, there's another big size. You have multiple suitcases here? So last time I came up here.
Dual wielding? Last time I came up here, I brought a bigger suitcase because I was also doing a lot of traveling to Virginia than up here. So I brought a bigger suitcase.
I'm not used to traveling with a big suitcase. So when I left the office to get on the plane to go back to Chicago last time, I just took my backpack and forgot my entire suitcase here in the office.
So then I had to pack a different big suitcase this time, which I have right here, which is just a normal size suitcase, really. Let's see.
It's pretty small. This is standard carry-on right here.
Standard carry-on size. That's good for a weekend wedding.
Yeah, Yeah, it's not the red one. The red one is actually a lunchbox.
You just have a nesting dolls of suitcases. It's a perfectly normal suitcase.
You need to get those cups. You need to get a giant suitcase so you can put your smaller suitcase in that.
Yeah. And then the smallest suitcase.
So the tiny little suitcase, it was actually a part of a set like that, and I lost the other two. Okay, nice.
So that's the last man standing. I've got a problem with losing suitcases, apparently.
This is like an easy bake oven. It's like PFT's first suitcase.
Yeah, it actually makes me look completely normal size when I'm carrying around that tiny little ant of a suitcase. But I left my other suitcase here last time, so I had to pack a different suitcase full of clothes.
So now I do actually have enough clothes, but now I have to dual-wield suitcases or just figure out which clothes I actually want to take from here and only carry one with me. You also don't have a golf travel bag, and we haven't figured out how we're getting your clubs.
No, I think I figured it out. Max is going to eat them.
He's got it. He's going to crap them out.
I think I figured it out. You're going to put them all inside of his body.

Go with a trench coat.

But the bad news is I'm out of clean clothes now.

And so now I have to do hotel laundry when I'm in Austin.

And that's always a mystery.

Yeah.

I might just do the thing where you put your underwear in the sink.

Send it out.

Send it out?

You can do same day delivery. Yeah, you can ask the front desk.

I bet you they do it.

Okay.

Probably like 25 bucks.

I'll do that.

And then also-

It's like a dollar a pound. Yeah.
We're going to be in Austin, and it's going to be about 108 degrees outside. We have to golf.
Just don't wear clothes. We have to golf.
Yeah, don't wear clothes. You have to.
Yeah, we have to. Hank's orders.
My boss told me that I had to golf. Bombies.
My final orders. Personally dreading golf.
If anyone wants to know my- It's a future fire fest of that. Max is going to be out on the course.
Please tell me that you only have a black shirt to wear. I have one golf shirt that I own.
I want you to know, Max, if I were on this trip, I wouldn't make you golf. We wouldn't be golfing.
It's for the people. Yeah, I appreciate it.
Big boys, we can't be in 106 degree heat outside on a golf course. It's for the viewers.
Matty Walsh. It's so hot.
It's a good incentive. Matty Walsh playing? Yeah.
Oh, nice. I do this with my golf videos.
The less shots you hit, the less there is to film. So play better.
Okay. Oh, okay.
Good. Try playing better.
Just for the record, if you see any videos of us coming out where I hope we get a hole in one, Hank. I really do.
That'd be awesome. Only one shot to film in a hole.
If we happen to be filming during the hole in one hole, man, that would be incredible. And we're not going to lie about it either.
It's going to be 100% real if we get a hole in one. Yeah.
Good luck. Just for the record.
I don't mess around. I'm a man of honor, integrity when I'm on the golf course.
Count every stroke as it is. Play it as it lies.
I just hope it'd be just such serendipitous timing if we happen to film the one hole that we got a hole in one yes yes um okay so my fire fest is so yeah we've we've had this week uh where everyone's back in new york for one last week so we've been trying to do for the awls we're like hey mount rushmore season's better when we're all together so we've been taping mount rushmore as we do in the julyth content, the draft, the Dungeons and Dragons. So we have not been sleeping.
We have been. It's been like four or five hours a night for me.
And when I don't get my sleep, sleepwalking Dan comes back. So on Tuesday night, I went to bed wearing a shirt, boxers, normal.
Oh, did you wake up in Max's roommate's bed? But I did wake up wearing completely different shirt and boxers. So I had gotten up in the middle of the night, no recollection, completely changed, no idea why.
Did you commit a crime? I don't know. So, yeah, that's always like hey what's going on dude you don't like it's a very odd feeling to wake up in different clothes and completely sober wake up in different clothes and be like how did this happen that's why i sleep naked yeah that's that's that's scary yeah so hopefully sleepwalking dan can get back uh some hours this weekend but uh yeah, I'm just because my real fear now, and it's not really like a crazy fear.
Like, I don't think I'm going to walk outside or anything, but is to if I wake up my kids, then I'll be then sleepwalking. That's the worst thing you could possibly be.
Yeah. Or like go out to your balcony.
Yeah. Yeah.
That sleepwalking Which one?

Yeah, no, I'm a sleepwalker It's bad

Billy

First fire fest, ran too close to some Canadian geese

With some gooselings

And the parents tried to attack me and my dog

It's gooselings, but that's fine

I would fuck up a Canadian geese

I would have too, but they

Sounds like you ran away

No, Migratory Bird Act, it's like a federal crime

Wait, so you had your dog

And you still ran away?

No, but they- Sounds like you ran away. No, Migratory Bird Act, it's like a federal crime.
Wait, so you had your dog and you, and you still ran away? No, because I was trying to make sure my dog didn't step to this goose. You know what? Billy's dog definitely thinks that Billy's a bitch.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
No, no. The thing is- Billy's dog is like, dude, we could have handled that.
They do this thing when they are about to attack. They do this bumping with their neck.
Yeah. They're up and down.
Yeah, we know. They're mean.
I've seen it. That's how I've killed all my geese.
Go at you. I would tie this neck into a knot.
There was way too many witnesses on the Hoboken River. Sounds like a lot of excuses.
Sounds like you're getting dominated by Canada. I would have.
Between the fire and you having to wear a mask from Canada, and now their geese are coming after you? You totally would have fucked them up. I would have if I could have gotten away with it, but it would have been a lot of paperwork.
I would have been late to work. A lot of paperwork.
A lot of paperwork. Yeah.
All these things. Damn.
But totally would have. Also, didn't want to orphan those gooselings.
Second one. I would have killed them too.
You have to. What? I agree with you.
Wow. Huge putt.
Billy, I'm with you. You can't leave orphans, so you just kill them all.
And then you kill anyone who saw you. And also, those goslings will grow up to be adult geese, and they'll track down the person that killed their parents.
Exactly. Like Batman.
They can fly. Yeah, people forget that about geese.
People do forget that. They are birds.
So, second, Fyre Fest. I have to, so I'm going to be moving out of my apartment at the end of my lease.
And it's like two months in the future. This tweet was so funny.
No, but this is annoying. Can you read? It's just what you're talking about.
Can I read it? That's part of it. Read it, read it.
I want to see it. I missed it.
What that? Like this was all like Billy in a nutshell. Keep going.
I understand that like you're allowed, like I don't own the the apartment I'm in, but they're requesting all these times to come into my house. Oh, all right, ready? They're coming in to show off your apartment and somebody's walking in and being like, why is there a hedgehog? This is a tweet.
Realtor wants to show my apartment, but I don't know what the repercussions of them seeing a hedgehog, squat rack in the kitchen fastened pull-up bar and a dog that's definitely above the weight limit will be and i also also i have a heavy bag i have a heavy bag that's fastened to the door like to the ceiling and it's like there's a bunch of drywall on the floor and like the walls are fucked up and i was gonna fix it all before i moved out but like i haven't had time to do that. Why are the walls fucked up? Because sometimes- Because Billy used to have the punching bag leaning against the wall.
Okay. And then it's not really big enough for a squat rack, so sometimes the side of the bar hits the wall and cracks it.
So I have some plastering to do and stuff. So they're going to walk in there, and it's going to be's gonna be a shit show yeah yeah just hang up a bunch of art let's put posters everywhere but like should i just make them come when i'm not there my dog's not there yeah make them come they just deal they're just like holy fuck yeah start stroking them what happens if they can't sell the apartment because i'm like jail you go to jail so you should have killed the geese because you would have been there anyway.
Yeah. Well, you'll figure it out.
I bet there's an AWL that wants to take over Billy. What about as is? Leave the hedgehog.
Leave the squat rack in the kitchen. Here's the pull-up bar.
I bet you could find somebody directly to rent it out to. Here's the thing, Billy.
You got to remember. A piece of history.
Okay. This landlord rented an apartment, their apartment, to 22-year-old Billy.
And Mintz as his neighbor. They knew what the deal was.
I don't think they're expecting. They didn't rent it to a 65-year-old widower.
They rented it to a 22-year-old Billy, that apartment in Hoboken. Like, that, they expect it.
Okay. They'll probably ding you a little bit, but it's not anything more than that.
I was going to spackle the walls. I was going to do that.
Take a day. You totally were.
Yeah, you were going to. You had to weed the backyard first.
Yeah, but I haven't had time yet. Have you still been doing that? Where are you moving to? Are you moving in Hoboken? No, I'm not doing that anymore.
Are you moving just to another place in Hoboken? I'm looking at different places. Okay.
Are you spackling? What was the answer you gave the other day?

Metropolitan?

Metropolitan area?

Okay.

Tri-state area.

Is there still graffiti on your fence in the backyard?

That was chalk, and we got it off.

Okay.

We got a fun party trick.

Get chalk spray paint if you have a brick wall,

and then just go nuts with it. Just don't spray paint any dogs.

Yeah.

That happens from time to time. Yeah.
Okay. fest billy jake finish us off yeah last week i experienced something i've never experienced before uh i had heartburn slash acid reflux for the first time i thought i was welcome welcome i thought i was dying i thought that was it you gotta start pre-tumsing now you gotta take pre-tums it's just like you feel like you're getting stabbed in the chest Yeah, you got to do pre-tumsing now.
You got to take pre-tums. It's just like you feel like you're getting stabbed in the chest.
Yeah. You got to do pre-tums before you have any alcohol, like tomato sauces.
Whiskey. There's actually a lot of stuff.
That falls under alcohol. Yeah.
Any type of alcohol. Specifically whiskey.
It was scary. Chicken wings.
I could look at whiskey and get heartburned. You're going to have to pre-tums.
And then- Is that a thing? Just getting older? Yes. And then you wait 10 more years.
And then the pre-tums isn't strong enough. So you have to start taking a pill every single day.
Yeah, it was not fun. It's our form of birth control.
Yeah, I was panicking. Hank got it for the first time.
What was it? Like three or four years ago and we were in Vegas and we're just like, man, I was proud. How often do you guys get it? Every day.
What? Yeah. It's all dependent.
I haven't got it in a while. It's all dependent on what you eat and how late you eat.
Yeah.

Like if you eat late, that's a problem.

If you happen to put in a Zen nine, you get heartburn.

No, I won't.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So there's tobacco guy.

There's certain things you'll just learn tricks that you got to avoid.

All right.

Yeah.

Basically your life is over.

You peaked.

That's that's officially how you know.

I got a hole in one when you go out.

Yep.

Yeah.

Did you guys ever put baking soda in water and chug it? an emergency? That works. It neutralizes the acid.
I mean, normally I would just like shrug off any medical advice Billy gave me, but I'm willing to try anything when it comes to heartburn. Like a spoonful of baking soda and then just chug water.
Wait, can you mix the baking soda into the water? Yeah. Or is it better if you just raw dog baking soda? But sometimes the baking soda just ends up at the bottom of the cup,

and then you don't get it, and you're, like, panicking

because your heart's burning.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Yeah.

Speaking of heartburn, what's the food upstairs?

I'm really fucking hungry.

Empanadas.

Number six and nine.

18.

That was a good one.

That fooled me.

That was incredible.

That was a fucking me and Hank look.

That was an alley-oop.

Look across the hall. That was the podcast version of the look.
That was an alley-oop. Look across the hall.

That was the podcast version of the LeBron and Wade alley-oop in Milwaukee.

Because you know Billy was prepared for it.

He was getting ready like, he's going to do something.

You took Billy's love of the sex number,

but distracted him with his only bigger love, which is free food.

Billy, give me credit.

That was fun.

You didn't even know what happened.

I've been reading meditation.

I'm chill. You've been reading meditation? Meditations.
Okay. Got it.
All right. Who else has it? So Hank's got 69.
I'll do 96. I'll go 26.
Only one that hasn't been picked. 20.
Billy, what was your number? I'm going to go... Something chill.

What's the most zen number?

I'm going to go with...

Infinity.

I'm going to go with one.

Okay.

I actually hope that you get it, because that's Memes' number.

Yeah, Memes has never gotten it.

Oh my god, one was just there.

Oh no.

78.

78.

See you guys Monday, US Open.

More Mount Rushmore.

More Mount Rushmore of guys you don't fuck with and a big, big guest.

Love you guys.

Also, animal fact for the day is Billy's shirt that he claimed was an Allosaurus.

Turns out it actually is a T-Rex.

And I know more about dinosaurs than he does.

Okay, no, that is not.

And planes.

I'm in denial.

I asked the designer to put an Allosaurus.

They put a T-Rex.

I just have been willing it to be an Allosaurus.

It's a T-Rex.

I didn't get it wrong.

You did get it wrong, though, when you said that it was actually an allosaurus,

because look at the crest.

I was just in denial.

Okay.

I was in denial.

You weren't lying.

You were in denial.

You believed a lie.

Yeah.

If I believe it, they can believe it.

Yep.

Also, update on those orca attacks.

Turns out the orcas may be using the boats that they're attacking

to train the younger orcas how to hunt.

It may not be some sort of retribution situation.

I haven't attacked anyone.

Just boats that you know. I'll be coming for your lover.
Hey. Hey.
Hey. Hey.
Hey. I'll be gone When I turn your team Needless to say I'm all dissent But I'm feasting A little way Darling, learning the life Except can't say out to me It's no better to be safe than safe Take me on I'll be gone In a day of peace The thing that you say Is it life or Just to play my worries away're all the things I've got to remember You're shying away I'll be coming for you anyway Take on me Take me on I'll be gone.
Energy. So good.
So good, so good.

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