Browns HC Kevin Stefanski, Billy’s Jets Project Is Finally Here, Lamar Franchise Tagged + Guys On Chicks

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I mean, where else can you pair wall-to-wall hoops with hard-to-find whiskey? Only at Twin Peaks, the number one sports bar. On today's part of my take, we have Cleveland Browns head coach Kevin Stefanski.
Our last interview from the Indy Combine. Great interview with Coach Stefanski.
We gave him some good ideas that I think Browns fans will be seeing in a playbook soon. We are going to talk about Lamar getting non-exclusive franchise tagged.
Aaron Rodgers flying out, or sorry, Woody Johnson's flying out to California to meet with Aaron Rodgers. We have Billy's Jets.
What are we calling it? Dissertation? Yeah. It's your dissertation.
Exactly. Okay, so it's your senior project.
We will go through that. He's got a slideshow.
He's given us a laminated paper here. This is great.
Four months in the work. Yeah.
Four months in the work. We have hot seat, cool throne.
We have guys on chicks. Great Wednesday show for you.
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Okay, let's go. Welcome to Pardon My Take.
Today is Wednesday, March 8th, and Lamar Jackson is officially out to be had. Non-exclusive franchise tag.
That's interesting, Big Cat. That's very interesting.
You doing your wind horse? Brian Windhorst meme. Now, why would they do that? Because the Ravens actually just released a statement, essentially being like, hey, sorry to Ravens fans, we fucked this up, where they're saying, now, don't let the franchise tag fool you.
We're still hopeful that we can negotiate a long-term extension for Lamar, which they're probably going to still try to do. They're protecting themselves.
So the non-exclusive franchise tag, for anyone who doesn't know know it means that anyone else can make an offer sheet to lamar jackson the ravens have the right to match if the ravens do not want to match that team gets to sign lamar jackson but then they forfeit their next two first round picks to the ravens correct now the ravens also could have put the exclusive franchise tag correct on lamar jackson which would have been i want to say $6 million more. Yeah.
But they're not doing that. Correct.
So if you're the Ravens GM and you truly believe that you're going to re-sign Lamar Jackson to a long-term deal as the negotiation moves forward, wouldn't you make it an exclusive franchise tag? You'd think so. I certainly would.
I can report exclusively via Leroy that the Kansas City Chiefs

and the Buffalo Bills will not be pursuing Lamar Jackson.

As well as the Bengals.

Add that to the list.

The Bengals are on the list as well.

The C-Words will also not be pursuing Lamar Jackson.

Interesting.

So we've got those locked up.

Oh, the Cleveland Browns also will not be pursuing Lamar Jackson. So that basically just leaves the commanders and that's it.
Yeah. So future commander Lamar Jackson.
I refuse to let Schefter beat me on. Wouldn't that be just so poetic if Schefter was pulling a double prank on us and was actually leaking us true information then saying it was a fake? I am delusional and I'm a sad, broken man.
I'm realizing this as I'm saying it out loud. I'm hoping it happens to you.
I am so pathetic. I'm hoping for Hank's future.
I am a pathetic – well, my future too. I told Hank to put that future in.
Hank graciously accepted splitting it up with me. Oh, nice.
So when I put it in the sportsbook sometimes sometimes I put in 500, and it said put in like 350 and send 150 for approval. So I'm going to sell PFT to 351.
Oh, nice. Keep the 150 for myself.
Nice. By the way, the difference PFT in the exclusive and non-exclusive is bigger than that.
It's $12 million. Oh, wow.
Okay. If Lamar Jackson signs the non-exclusive franchise tag, he makes $32.4 million this year.
If they had done the exclusive tag on him, it would have been $45 million. So that's a pretty big difference.
If you're confident that you can reach a place where you'll have an extension, then I would imagine the extension would be in the neighborhood of $45, $50 million a year. So you would probably put that tag on him instead of the lesser amount and then leave the option for him to get signed by somebody else.
Yes. Now, there are questions about Lamar, whether or not he'll ever get back to that MVP level.
He's had some injuries, and his butt hurts all the time. Well, the Ravens do have an F- in strength coaching.
What about this? What about trading the commander's A-plus strength and conditioning coach to the Ravens for Lamar Jackson? Again, I'm just a sad, sorry individual. Under that deal, you'd have to take the F-minus.
Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, you'd have to take the Ravens' strength and conditioning coach.
That's fine. Okay.
Mix them up with that field that we have in Landover that's like Oh, breaking moves. It's like you're stirring up Tannerite.
Uh-oh. There's a lot of things that could be this breaking moose.

Quarterback just signed a four-year deal worth $160 million.

Sources say with $35 million more in upside, they are finalizing.

Is that Daniel Jones?

It is Daniel Jones.

It is.

And it was first reported by Hoomst.

I'm seeing Mike Garofalo.

Wrong.

Leroy. Leroy broke that shit 45 minutes ago.
Suck my dick, Schefter. Damn.
Leroy, my dead dog beat Leroy. That's one.
If we're updating the counter, Leroy one. Adam Schefter zero.
Zero, yeah. Yeah, all right.
Good for Daniel Jones. I feel like that was, what was it again? Good for Leroy.
Can you give us the... According to Leroy, they're nearing an agreement on a four-year contract extension upwards of $150 million.
Bark, bark, bark. I am a dog.
This is my favorite time of year. We had to just do a quick refresher.
The initial tweet that anyone tweets about a contract is always just fake money. So what was it, Hank? What was the listed one? I love when agents text Schefter or Rappaport and they're like, the here's the deal and then they look into it after the initial tweet and it's like oh they actually just signed him to like a 50 million dollar contract and they can cut him after half a season rap report says four-year deal worth 160 million with 35 million more in upside okay so that could be anything that could be a two-year deal for 50 million dollars there was also some some ambiguity about the derrick carr deal derrick carr had a similar situation where he signed a new contract i think what last year yeah and then how much was actually guaranteed how much was just on paper yeah don't trust the first reports because that's there are agents that have contacts with shefter with rapid port and they're just trying to get the out there of, like, look how much money I got for my client.
Right, and Gino signed as well. The Derek Carr deal, because that did happen on Monday, and we didn't talk about it on Sunday night.
That, listen, if you're a Saints fan, I guess you're like, hey, it's better than what we've been going through, but doesn't it feel like the ceiling for Derek Carr and the Saints is maybe a second-round loss? Well, we've definitely got the new era of the Carson Wentz versus Dak Prescott debate already set up and ready to go for us, and that's Daniel Jones and Derek Carr. Now we'll be tied in because they got essentially the same contract.
And so which one would you rather have at this point? i guess maybe daniel jones because he's younger yeah that would probably be the argument i would say derrick carr would be better on the giants daniel jones would be better on the saints actually no the saints with sean payton yeah yeah then then that would be a deal then he's like he's like turbo tasem hill yeah um but yeah so we're we're starting. We're inching towards a free agent period.
We have Aaron Rodgers getting courted by the Jets. I also did reach out to Aaron Rodgers, and I said, I just want to let you know you're going to love New York City.
If you need any recommendations, I'd be happy to help. That's just friends looking out for friends.
That's nice. I feel like that was gracious of me.
That's very nice. He's not responding.
I don't think he will ever respond, but I made the offer. It is funny to think that Woody Johnson, so he's going out there with Salah, with Nathaniel Hackett, who is the Aaron Rodgers whisperer, 0-for-1 on whispering to Aaron Rodgers, and the team president.
And we've speculated would Aaron Rodgers want to play for Woody Johnson of Johnson & Johnson Pharmaceuticals of that family. But that's going to be a little icebreaker they have to get through right off the bat.
Yes. Tell me what's really in the jab.
Yes, yes. That's definitely the question is going to be had.
All right, so other things. I did see there was more news about John Morant and things, so he might be under investigation now because of having a firearm on the plane.
Also potentially Denver's investigating whether he was legally allowed to have it there. We also had a story come out that Steven Adams had a players only meeting where he took John Morant.
He basically told the whole team we have to stop partying on the road. The Grizzlies are a bad road team this year.
And essentially was singling out John Morant without singling him out. That actually speaks poorly to John Morant's ability to change because I feel like if Steven Adams tells you not to do something, you should listen.
Absolutely. I'm terrified.
That's one of the scariest guys in the world. And if he's like, you know, maybe you can give us an Australian accent, but being like, John, stop stop fucking around.
And from New Zealand. Yeah.
New Zealand. Yeah.
Same thing. But yeah, that John Morant.
I wish I hadn't known that part when I was saying I was behind John Morant because the Stephen Adams being like, stop fucking around. John speech should be the moment where he changes.
That's probably why he got a gun was to protect himself from Stephen Stephen Adams. Yeah.
Although that thing isn't going to stop Stephen. No, definitely not.
John Might. What are you, 12, 13 years old? Yeah.
Let's act like a proper NBA player, huh? Leave the peace at home if you're going to go out with the Mights, see a couple birds, some shaglers at the TD bar. Leave your gun at home, Mike.
I think you nailed it. Yeah.
That was an exclusive interview with Steven Adams I I feel bad because we absolutely dropped the ball in our John Morant analysis when we talked about on the last show we did not anticipate the very obvious take that Skip Bayless was going to have in reaction to this Skip Bayless he discussed this at length Skip Bayless's problem with the John Morant video was he was going out celebrating after a loss.

Oh, good point. If you're going to be flashing a strip club gun, you should do it maybe after you beat the Clippers.

Yeah.

Not after you give up 135 points to the Clippers.

That's a fair point.

In a road loss.

That's a very fair point.

Fair point, Skip.

Again, sometimes it's refreshing to me knowing that

as much as we like to think that we can get inside skip bayless's head he's always three

steps ahead oh easily easily yeah so that that that and i actually i kind of agree with him yeah

that and the gun was way too small if it's comically small it should be a celebration gun

not a despair gun right although despair gun maybe actually be funny if the despair gun was like a civil war musket yeah you know what i mean like like look at this thing i'm bringing a musket like a musket in a strip club doesn't fit no it's like i'm so sad i need my musket yeah that that would be that'd be way funnier yeah i always love it when police agencies and departments they release pictures of guns that they've confiscated, and they always look like they're from the year 1912. Yes.
And then people pile on, and it's like, get this. Hey, I'll be having that gun out of my face.
Yeah. I mean, it's the John Moran.
I don't know the next. I feel like he's going to get suspended, right? I guess he has.
Well, no, he's he's two days himself he's taking some time away to deal with his gun addiction and then uh they'll probably figure out well now the real issue is uh local authorities in colorado are actually investigating it so if he gets convicted or are indicted for a gun crime there'll probably be something that comes down from silver yes silver hates by the way. Silver wants to be the cool guy.
He wants to be the cool substitute teacher. He wants to be the cool stepdad.
Like, hey, I'm your friend. You can tell me anything.
So whenever he has to actually be the heavy, he absolutely, he cannot stand that. Well, Mello, a clip resurfaced from Million Dollars Worth of Game interviewing Mello, and he said that when he was coming into the league, David Stern had a meeting with him was like we know who you're hanging out with we know what they're doing like we're watching you and if you don't change like this is going to be a problem just like but he was like i had no idea and he basically like told me the people i was with and what they're doing and like i had to interesting i had to like because and he was like it made sense.
Because if you're investing millions and millions of dollars into someone,

you want to know what they're doing.

But that's where there's probably a difference between Stern and Silver.

Oh, yeah, Adam Silver wants to be everyone's friend.

Yeah, yeah.

No, that's absolutely true.

And he's, like, partners with everyone, which is fine.

Like, I understand we're in a lot better of a player empowerment age.

But David Stern, like, I don't know, that probably makes sense to be like, hey, like hey like young guys with a lot to lose here's what you have to lose this is what you should probably do so you don't lose it you have to have the the overbearing like angry militant dad and then the crunchy granola mom yeah it takes but good got good cop bad cop uh they should make it like like the uh you know the old trope when when a parent catches a kid smoking a cigarette they make him smoke an entire pack they should make john morant drive around in only a tank see how that is yeah how you like traffic in a tank bro well tell you what we're gonna give you a b2 stealth bomber and you have to fly it from from location to location oh you like oh you like weaponry job fully okay bro let's see if yeah yo let's see let's see if you could deal with fucking la traffic when you're playing the clippers in a sherman yeah load up a mark 82 on that wing and how bad do you think adam silver was dreading making the call to yannis to tell him hey that triple double is not going to count oh yeah the stat padding is hot in. He definitely had somebody make that call for him.
Yes, stat padding is hot in the streets, people arguing it. I did watch an old clip.
Russillo actually sent it to me of Russell Westbrook stat padding, and it is so fucking funny. He was just passing up, like, five-foot bunnies to try to get another assist.
Like, literally going to the rim rim hard and then at the last second just throwing it, kicking it out to a guy who wasn't even ready to take a three, just hoping that he could get that last assist. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, that one season where he was just averaging a triple-double was unreal.
But in retrospect, looking back on it, like I was fascinated by triple-doubles then. There was no such thing as a bad triple-d double and they're really that's kind of like give or take a little bit right now but they're definitely they're not all built the same and i also kind of respect in retrospect uh russell westbrook being like yeah my team's not very good i'm gonna get me yeah i'm just gonna go out there and do it for myself couldn't you also say that playing with poor shooters makes it easier for you to get rebounds? Yeah.
So the worst your teammates are. If you give them bad passes.
True. Then you can get rebounds.
Get that out of the way. Okay.
Speaking of strip club guys, we should because we make fun of them all the time. James Harden.
James Harden had 20 assists last night. Yeah, he did.
Is James Harden fully back? The Pacers, that game was. Great teammate, James Harden.
In like the 140s. James Harden had 20 assists last night yeah he did is James Harden fully back the Pacers that game was great teammate James Harden in like the 140s James Harden future Houston Rocket which is it feels like the quiet secret that everyone in the NBA circles are talking about that he just wants to go back to Houston which is very funny because it's like yeah he's Philly strip clubs Max and Philly are just not cutting it they're just not it okay you hear me max yeah there's a lot of season left we'll see what happens no no no strip clubs you get up your strip club game a little bit if you want to track top line that would be so funny if if a team i mean james harden's on the tail end of his career but like maybe five years ago like a mayor like we're opening a new strip club well for you, James.
Even better than that, teams should open up their own strip club. Yes.
Like the next Mark Cuban, the next young owner that comes into the league, they should set up their own strip club that's next to the team facility. And then you just stock them with the best dancers, free alcohol for all your players.
What about to court John Moran? It's just a strip club laser tag there you go that would be perfect who wouldn't want to go to a strip club laser tag i would that actually is a how do we not have that combo they did kfc and taco bell together yeah how do we not have a strip club laser tag dave and busters mixed with a whorehouse dude playing laser tag with naked women now we're just describing Dan Bilzerian's house. Yeah, that is true.
We've gone to the deep, deep parts of our brains. Yep.
All right. I would sign with that team.
Yeah. In a heartbeat.
Yeah. I'm not even that horny.
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See AHS.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions. Speaking of deep parts of our brain, Billy, are you ready? So, for anyone who doesn't know what's about to happen, Billy has a theory that New York quarterbacks.
This was, I think, somewhere in the late part of the season when he was just trying to grasp at anything for Zach Wilson to not be one of the biggest busts of all time. He was like, well, it's actually the media's fault.
So he said, why don't you dig in on that? Why don't you why don't you try to find some facts how the new york media is actually at fault for the jets poor quarterback play and you have landed on a report that is titled jets landing new veteran qb how can the new york media learn from the past and not hamper qb play so you're actually taking the entire media to task yeah okay specifically the written copy has a different uh title yeah i was that was gonna be my first question the written copy is how the new york media ruins jets quarterbacks several case studies several yeah several the full case studies are in those pamphlets and i i do love how you're just you're titling it by billy by billy yes by billy okay all right so let's hop into it because i have some questions um and and away. Also, if you're watching on YouTube, we will have the slides so you can follow along.
Go subscribe to YouTube and like the video. Max, can we get that full screen, please? Okay.
Wow, that would have been bad if we didn't have it full screen the text gets a little smaller okay points okay

and let's you i mean i'm not saying go fast but let's go yeah we'll keep it quicker so next slide basically why do some quarterbacks to uh and we're taking a look at quarterbacks back in the past 15 years so since brett farve okay it's all our case okay basically there is a common pattern of Jets quarterbacks playing badly, and then once they leave, having some sort of success, or also a lack of negative portrayal in the media. Okay, so who has had success? We can get into that.
Because I'm going through my brain. I hope Gino isn't the case case because it took him like 10 years.
Brett Favre had a comparatively better season. He did.
He went to the NFC Championship game. Do you think that was the evil New York media that went after Brett Favre? Or he went after them in a weird way.
Or do you think it was his injury in week 11 that year? Yes. Okay.
Sanchez is an outlier. We'll talk about why.
In that he sucked elsewhere? Yes. But also he did decently well in New York.
I think we have multiple outliers. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Good point. Then we have Sam Darnold.
Who has not done well. No.
No. No.
No. No.
No. He was not awful in a couple games last year.

But also, we're not hearing how terrible he is anymore.

Maybe that's because he's not in the New York media.

And he also didn't play half the season.

Right, but when he did play.

Okay.

Okay, I'm just...

Sam Darnold is not better.

Okay.

He is arguably a little better.

Comparatively.

His last game, week 18 for the Panthers, he was 5 for 15 with two interceptions and 43 yards. He had some other good games, though.
He had one game where he had 340 yards and three touchdowns. There we go.
We don't know the end of the Sam Darnold story. That's true.
we don't know the end of it yep okay his completion percentage was 58 he has not contracted mononucleosis since leaving the new york jazz so and again we probably didn't hear from him because he only played the last like six weeks of the season so this is what i think okay this is my thesis next slide max thank you the new york sensationalizes quarterbacks' performances to gain clicks and remain competitive in the big media market. The amplification of negative news and critiques elicits greater responses from the consumers, leading to a lack of confidence in the fan base, ultimately resulting in a destructive impact on the team and the quarterback's confidence in the given situation.
It's a real chicken or the egg situation. Do they suck because of the media or does the media report on them sucking? Or because Brett Favre got hurt that year when the Jets were 8-3.
When also was spamming dick pics. Yes.
We don't mention that. Next slide.
Why is New York different than other markets? It is the media capital of the world. Okay.
It has 11 major sports teams, most in North America. It has two national newspapers based out of here, New York Times, Washington Post.
Are we counting the Islanders in that? Wall Street Journal. And fuck the New York Times for that article that we'll maybe do a Monday reading on, like, why people don't want to date podcast bros.
It's a major location of cable news networks. This one's the most interesting.
The city layout is built in a pre-automobile era. That's what I'm interested in.
I want to know how that impacts the Jets quarterbacks. I love it.
I love it, Billy. Who all live in New Jersey.
Right, but they do frequent New York. Okay.
Which is a very walkable city. Got it.
And they go there for entertainment. Okay.
So the part with here, we can deconstruct it because it's a little too organized. Yeah.
Basically, we're deconstructing. As long as my critique of Billy is too organized.
It's too detail-oriented sometimes. Basically, there's several reasons.
The media is always, because there's more members of the media, there's less of an interpersonal relationship between athletes and reporters. Okay there's more reporters which are all competing for different stories causing more leaves to be this actually sounds correct more leaves to be uh flipped over okay and smaller stories to become bigger headlines yeah so you can repeatedly see uh we can fast forward a little bit uh to the let's say, Brett Favre slide.

Wait, before we get to Brett Favre, can I stop you for one second?

Yeah. What's the limitation in this study?

Oh yeah, we should probably bring that up.

There's some ethical concerns

with the study. Okay.

Do you use monkeys like Elon Musk?

No, just Jets

quarterbacks. So, going back,

basically, it's a lot of

how do we say it? Non-numeric data are you anecdotal you also said uh uh there are more snakes in new york was that some kairi shit you're on no no that's a quote from another all right that's a quote from a no no no no will. I just wanted to check on that one.
That article that is cited in the thing is that it's not that New York has more snakes in the grass. Talking about reporters, it's just...
No, it doesn't have worse snakes in the grass, just more snakes in the grass. What about this entire three-page section on the Rothschild family? No, that's not there.
That's not there. I'm publishing...
Check the blog online. So the George Soros chapter we're taking out? Okay.
All right. Got it.
Got it. Got it.
Got it. That wasn't in there at all.
There's just more snakes in Williamsburg is what Billy's trying to say. No.
Next. Next.
Okay. Wait.
We might have gotten him off his game. Yeah.
This is classic New York media. I have no idea where you want me to be right now.
I don't know either. You told me to go to Brett Favre.
I know. And then nothing happened from Brett Favre.
No. Also, Brett Favre did get hurt in week 11.
I think that part is just like... No, there was actually a really interesting article about how New York was...
It was a UCL injury, wasn't it? It was his elbow. They were 8-11 and then they missed the playoffs.
They lost to Chad Pennington and the Dolphins in the last game of the season. I was there.
You were? Yeah. Wow.
The old Meadowlands. Are you one of those snakes? It was my Hanukkah present.
Oh. Billy, get him up.
Lock him up. No, no, no.
No, there's a really good New Yorker article that Will Leitch wrote, actually a year ago, about how New York used to be the place to be for athletes to want to sign. The money was there.
The market was there. But basically, the media has become so large and it's become such a business that it's more advantageous for them to, you know, really go into our way.
So he wrote an entire article that could have just been like, yeah, now athletes can slide into Instagram DMS from Oklahoma city. Yes.
Okay. Got it.
Yes. Um, no, but it's actually really interesting.
The fan to player interface in New York compared to other places, because they're not going helicopter to the SUV, to the parking lot, parking lot to the hotel, there's more of a possibility for players to be in a walkable city and interface with fans more. But they live in New Jersey.
Right, but they come to new york i would say that there's more interface in every other city versus new york um also the like do you think there's more interface in green bay wisconsin with the the packers no way less i would disagree and they're like at the grocery store in a in a town of 100 000 people okay you know what there there are a couple of things that are problematic. Yeah, Patrick Mahomes definitely gets seen in Kansas City more than people see the Jets quarterback.
It's just various theories. That's a small one.
Real quick, the flowchart of how you get from practice to New York City. You get in a helicopter to go to your car.
I think you think all these guys live in Manhattan.

No, a lot of them do live in New York.

I think you take the car to the helicopter.

I don't think a lot of them do.

I mean, like Eli lived in Hoboken his entire career.

Okay, basically, let's go back to Brett Favre.

Okay.

Okay.

This is the anchor.

Whenever we have trouble, hit the Brett Favre button. So Brett Ftt farb uh halfway through the season before he was injured before anything he was basically they accused him of giving up secrets to detroit lions coaches he had a conversation with a detroit's lions coach this became a huge story and everyone's basically that was early in the? Early in the season.
Was he talking about building a volleyball facility

for his daughter at some point?

No, no.

But at that point, he was not really doing anything wrong,

but this random buzz probably was a distraction.

And if it wasn't, it became into the minds of fans.

Okay.

So the media dictates what fans kind of think,

no matter what, even if quarterbacks try to stray away from it.

But he played well after that. Right.
But not to say it wasn't a distraction. What week was it? It was week four.
When he had six touchdowns? Yeah. He had six touchdowns that week.
What about the next week? He almost broke the record. Yeah, the week that he had the media criticism? Right.
But that was probably the week after he dealt with media criticism. But basically, Brett Favre was painted in a narrative that we were worse off for Brett Favre.
What kind of plays was he giving up to the Detroit Lions where he was then throwing six touchdowns against them? Like, was he going to throw ten touchdowns against them if he didn't have that conversation? No, it was the Cardinals. This was a totally unrelated thing.
They were saying that they weren't even playing Detroit. Detroit wasn't playing

the Jets, but they were just claiming that he was

giving secrets. And the story came out

before the Cardinals game? Yes.

And then he threw six touchdowns. But then he struggled

the game after. Got it.

It's just a myriad of things.

Anyway, Geno Smith was accused

that Jay-Z recruited him to New York.

Basically, there's just a lot of stuff that

comes out. He was drafted.
They told him

that you're playing for us. Right.
It was a

Jets rookie QB Smith

Thank you. that Jay-Z recruited him to New York.
Basically, there's just a lot of stuff that comes out. He was drafted.
They told him that you're playing for us. It was a Jets rookie QB Smith.
Jay-Z did not recruit me. There's also a list of New York Post articles, which I used as sort of what to draw from to test the temperature of what's going on.
Got it. Got it.
Okay. So then they just look really shit talking.

Gino Smith.

They like crucify him for getting his jaw broken.

That was before. Okay.

This is before.

Okay.

Okay.

The jaw breaking thing was, you know, he was already, he was already pre crucified.

Okay.

And then Sam Darnold, mono seeing ghosts ran out of town and he's been incredible since.

Right.

And one thing, Zach Wilson is not the only player in the NFL who had a hot mom, but they made his hot mom a bigger story than it should have been. Who are some other examples of players with hot moms? Or hot sisters.
For my research. So what, I guess my question would be, how did Eli do so well? Okay, so the Giants, is there a different situation because they had the same amount of shortcomings, but Eli Manning was there for a longer period of time and solidified himself.
But he was still driven out of town by the end of it. Not really.
He just was old and couldn't play anymore. It's a different situation because he was from a pre-social media era.

So this is interesting because

I would like to know the difference between

the Giants media

and the Jets media.

I feel like Eli is

one of the most beloved

New York athletes.

Billy, how about this? What's the difference

between the Yankees media

and the Jets media?

The Yankees haven't won in a long time.

Yeah, no, but they do have 27.

Yeah.

Those rings are real.

Rings fly forever.

But this is more.

I mean, all these are in, like, the last 12 years.

Okay.

15 years.

Derek Jeter had a lot of media scrutiny.

Is it the New York media?

Is that why the Yankees suck now is because the New York media?

Could be. It might be.
Also the Kn knicks although they might be good this year uh but i also cite there's a uh there's actually like a business are we done with the powerpoint yeah that's my question we could just cut this whole thing if we want to totally fine with that i'll just post it as a blog i mean you i think you the one point that i agree with is that you found it that i i think is a good like premise to jump off of is the idea that there are so many writers competing for clicks and the writers don't have relationships with the players that i think is you nailed because that actually makes perfect sense where it's like, yeah, I think I, when I was perusing your, your, your dissertation, you pointed out like a headline that said, you know, jets win, Gino Smith struggles like that, that, that writers have to find a way to get people to, to read their, their articles. So they can't just be like jets win.
You know what I mean? That was a good point. So I'm giving you a point.
I appreciate that. Yeah.
Basically, what I wanted to get to the ending thing and what we should be paying attention to now, when looking for a new quarterback to bring into New York, who could actually deal with all that? For example, a guy like... Aaron Rodgers? Well, actually, yeah, because he's already in the flame.
Yeah, that's true. Jimmy Garoppolo would be more likely to be a lightning rod to attention if he's bringing a porn star out, being a distraction, just because he's on record doing things that would be tabloid-worthy.
Lamar Jackson also would be a perfect pick because he's been totally non-controversial, except for probably one tweet and being in a Kodak Black video. Yeah.
What tweet was it from Lamar? It was. Why the buddy pregnant? Misinterpretation of jargon.
Oh, that one where he told the guy like eat a dick, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Also the trust Trump. Remember that one? I actually, that's a great.
Why the buddy pregnant? I laugh like once a month. Yeah.
Why the buddy pregnant? But yeah. So.
All right. so this makes sense billy you found a way to make sense i think your case studies make no sense no offense uh but i think your the the conclusion makes a lot of sense that there are certain guys that are made for new york media and lamar jackson Aaron Rodgers being two of those guys.
Like Derek Carr would not work. I would agree.
Too sensitive. He cries.
He blocks everybody on Twitter. Yeah, 100%.
Like he wouldn't be able to, like his excuses wouldn't suffice for the New York. And the thing is Aaron Rodgers just doesn't care.
Right, right. And he's willing to fuck with them.
Yeah. No you either need someone who's totally you know non in the news and doesn't want to like really say anything or someone who's literally just like has fun doing it right and then just says ah it's all fake it's the mainstream media right okay one works so the jets should actually listen to billy they should in this case because like i think you, in a galaxy brain way, you wrote a 15-page paper that makes no sense, but your conclusion makes perfect sense, which is actually really all that matters.
You stuck the landing. Yeah.
You stuck the landing. We got there.
I tend to agree with Big Cat on this, Billy. Yeah.
I think that there's probably some scientific merit to the fact uh you do get more clicks on a website if you're writing a negative story correct or a salacious story and in a cutthroat media market like new york the reporters are less concerned with having those relationships with players more concerned about their competition against other writers yeah and so it's good i'll put it this way if you if you have a person in new york who's buddy buddy with zach wilson and writes like glowing pieces about him how do you think those are going to do yeah is that is that going to get more clicks or less clicks than a story about how he might have fucked his friend's hot mom exactly okay also and also look around the league I bet you tons of quarterbacks in the league in the NFL have fucked their friend's hot mom. Yeah.
A hundred percent. Damn, Billy, you did a good job.
I'm actually very proud of you. No, but they're actually...
Again, the actual bones of it make no sense, but... Wait, Billy, aren't you a member of the New York media? Yes.
That's why I was trying to do the opposite last season, but then I couldn't. Right.
Do you think maybe high expectations for players, could that also be a contributing factor? 100%. So when you would say their ceiling is Patrick Mahomes, do you think that could set them up? That would also be funny if Zach Wilson came out and was like, the only media I consume is part of my take, and I thought I was it yeah like if i listen to them every single monday wednesday friday and they were they were saying that i was i didn't even need to do practice that could have happened maybe you ruined the jets billy i tried not to yeah that's the other part of this is like maybe the jets just suck at drafting yep because like you could make the same argument for the bears or the commanders and be like it's the media fault no it's actually just the organization is a failure it's easier to drive around chicago though right yes wait i still don't wait walk me back to the new york city being developed but again those guys the bears players live in lake forest they don't even live downtown like same as the jets players don't live in that's why i'm saying like aaron rogers definitely gets seen by more people in green bay wisconsin also what's in there is that there's more of a paparazzi atmosphere in new york for celebrities so you end up having players who on a night out might get right end up in a pop so that's why that's why the los angeles rams will never win a super never Never.
I'll never, never. The Rams and the Chargers, never.
Yeah, exactly. All right.

They haven't been there long enough yet for this to impact them. By this same thread that we're pulling on, couldn't you say the Green Bay Packers, the media in Green Bay is the reason why they've been so good, not their quarterbacks.
Right. They just have great writers up there that are friendly media makes teams good or bad yeah our job is more important than the players 100 thank you for yeah i agree with that all right good job billy i'm gonna give you a 3.7 balls i think that's over a c yeah 3.7 out of 5 balls.
I'm going to give you an F++++++.

That means a B-.

Sweet.

Hank, would you like to give him a grade?

No.

Okay.

Can I get a pass?

Incomplete.

That's incomplete.

Actually, you know what?

The name of this whole presentation could be called Pass-Fail.

Yeah.

Why New York Jets quarterbacks suck.

Mm-hmm.

Well.

I'm just going to give the franchise and the whole town in general of New York an F.

The whole town.

I mean, you mentioned they have 11 teams, and I didn't hear any mention of championships.

What about the barbecue?

Best barbecue in the world.

True. And whiskey.
And resources. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Should we do Hot Seat Cool Throne, and then we'll get to Kevin Stefanski? Hank? Yeah. Would you like to start with Hot Seat Cool Throne? Good job, Billy.
Three seven out of five balls. No, that's huge.
You did a lot of work. It's a lot of work that you did that I'm applauding.
I tried to do something that was kind of impossible.

Yeah, you did.

Yeah, that's right. Hey, they thought that the guy that flew an airplane for the first time was crazy.

Yeah, it's actually in the lesson that you learned you should actually throw out,

like because this show is built on saying things, having nothing to back them up,

is what you essentially did.

And then you tried to back it up and it wasn't there.

So we just got to remember to never back up anything. Yeah.
If you just say it with enough conviction, that's worth a million reports, a million studies. Yeah.
Also, I screwed up. It was Jeff Neal, not Jeff Lewis.
On Monday. Yeah.
Jeff Lewis was the flipping out guy. Remember that show? For the UFC.
That show ruled. He was just a gay guy who would just get in fights with his housekeeper every morning

and then go make million dollar houses.

I did not watch that show, but it sounds electric.

It was fucking awesome.

I think the big takeaway from Billy's report is it's better to sound correct than it is

to be correct.

Correct.

Wait, did that sound correct when I said that?

Yeah, you sounded very correct.

The way you slowed down there was correct. Okay.
I just think if Aaron Rodgers did come to New York, the circus around it would be awesome to watch. Yeah.
But wait. It would be great if he actually did bring a circus to town.
Yeah. Here's my elephant.
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My hot seat, it's kind of like Bizarro World. We got Billy over here doing works cited pages, writing up a detailed report.
And then on the flip side, we have our darling Jake sparking up the internet and firing up. I had myself on the hot seat for this.
What'd you do, Jake? Can I finish? Yeah, go ahead. What'd he do? He's just sending out like crazy slanted political takes on Twitter.

What?

Oh, really?

Okay.

So I wrote a blog on this too.

It's insane.

Yeah.

It's like going viral.

What happened?

The title of the blog is, I didn't stick to sports for this tweet.

Read the tweet.

Yeah, read the tweet.

I was introducing it to it.

Not a political.

It's not the blog.

It's the tweet.

Not a political tweet. This was an elite segment with an elite name.
Barakatology. Oh.
With a picture of Obama filling out his bracket. Oh, you got real political.
Yeah. You got real political.
And there's a lot of people being sarcastic in the replies, Hank being one of them. But some people, they're just fighting with each other, like actual politics.
Oh. Yeah.
In the replies. Wow.
So Iy katz right in the oval office and he did like a 30 minute my problem with his bracket if i remember it correctly this motherfucker took all the chalk you know what i call him he dicky beat it a chalk obama oh yeah yeah he had like yeah i think his only upset was he had Nova advancing to the sweet 16.

Right.

Over someone.

I forget it every year.

But yes, it was mostly top seeds advancing.

And people were like how he should be spending his time killing bin Laden again instead of

making.

We really missed out like Trump never filling out a bracket.

He should have.

He should have released the perfect bracket.

And I said in the blog, if Trump or Biden did this, I would think it's equally as entertaining.

Trump is a political intent. It sounds political to me.
But some people are mad. Yeah, this guy said, I'm just trying to enjoy a sunny Tuesday morning, and now I have to think about innocent people killed by drones around the world.
Yeah. You did that.
You did that to him. Thank you, Jake.
Wow. Very cool.
Way to go, Jake. Not great.
Way to go. Sorry.
Everyone says I'm the favorite for Lib of the Year in 2023. I would say you're definitely at the forefront.
How often do you watch that Barakatology? Leftist listen to podcasts too, Jake. That's a callback to a few weeks ago for those who missed that.

But I just watched it on YouTube today.

You did?

Why?

It's a cool segment.

Another guy filling out his bracket?

What?

It's a five-minute segment.

At the end of the day.

What made you think?

Oh, you know what?

Let's pull up Obama's bracket. I didn't watch the day, it's...
What made you think, like, oh, you know what? Like, we talk about this...

Let's pull up Obama's bracket.

I didn't watch the whole thing.

I just, like, scrolled through it.

Like, just to embed it in the blog.

What was your favorite part?

I don't know.

Yeah.

Just, like, talking ball.

I can't think of anything more boring.

Let's be clear.

UNC's got a great frontcourt.

Yeah.

Like, it was a cool segment.

Like, there's nothing else to it. I didn't expect it to take off like that yeah i never i don't think i ever watched one because i'm i'm thinking about it and i i mean i saw the pictures but yeah i don't give a fuck what he picks i'm pretty sure that that george bush did it too yeah at least one year when he was in office but did you write a blog about that yeah funny jake's not talking about that huh huh just think.
All right, your cool throne, Hank? My cool throne that would be on the hot seat if we were doing this six years ago, but I don't want to get in trouble. But Sister Jean.
Yeah, I had her also. Why, is she dead? No, but, I mean.
She's dying? Well, that's what old people do. They die.
The Gryffindor witch herself is back. They lost, though.
They're eliminated. They're already eliminated.
She was present at the A-10 first round tournament. So she fell off.
Physically. Physically present.
She lost her touch. Yeah, I mean, it is.
Like, how old is she now? I think she's 99. 103.
She looks like Striganona. And she just wrote a book, too.
Over 100 is running up the score. Someone wrote a book.
You shouldn't write a book if you're 100 years old. Anything over 90 is running up the score.
It's like, all right, enough already. This is from the AP.
At age 103, Sister Jean awakes daily at 5 a.m. She sits up quickly to avoid going to sleep again.
I've got too much to do. That's great.
The funny thing is, Sister Jean is probably, by most metrics healthier than i am yes she's just she's got a much a much a better grasp on reality and how to go about your day than i do like sitting waking up oh i still would waking up and then going back to sleep immediately thereafter is the best way to start your day i still would you can put that on the box that's Fine. I'm going to tweet that.
Still would. You can put that on the box.
That's fine.

I'm going to tweet that.

Still would.

She's a witch.

All right.

PFT.

Yeah, I was going to talk about Sister Jean as well.

But I guess for my hot seat, I'll just do the entire NBA. Yeah.
i had this as part of mine because brawny's better yeah brawny's better and that shit low that shit lightweight hilarious yeah and so i'm just gonna start using lightweight in terms of low key what did he say he said that look that uh lebron james is watching the nba because he's hurt because he's hurt and he's not playing right now. And he said, man, Bronny definitely better than some of these cats I've been watching on League Pass today.
Shit, lightweight, hilarious. Four crying emojis.
I mean, LeBron James does no basketball. I just love.
He doesn't have a dog in this fight. No, he does not.
He's being unbiased. I tend to agree with LeBron James that shit is lightweight hilarious.

Like, imagine Bronny in the NBA, right?

I do want to see, and LeBron is definitely acting as his son's marketing team,

which I understand.

Your dad should be your biggest promoter.

And he's trying to get LeBron James Jr. or Bronny drafted as opposed to,

well, in a way, couldn't you look at this and be like,

he doesn't want someone to get an education?

How is LeBron different than LeVar Ball?

That's a fair question.

One is good at basketball.

That's the biggest thing that jumped out to me.

They both played pro.

Yeah, one is really.

No, LeVar Ball did not play pro.

No, I'm saying LeVar Ball is the one that's really good at basketball.

He said that he could be anybody, including Michael Jordan, one-on-one. He played for the Jets practice squad.
Exactly. Okay.
Never lost. Yeah, never lost.
He averaged like two points at Washington State. He probably didn't make it because of the New York media, though.
Yeah, that's true. For the Jets.
And then my hot seat is also going to be the NBA because Scott Foster's on his bullshit again. All-time performance by Scott last night.
He teed up with it. Scotty Barnes with like 20 seconds left in the game.
Yeah. Teed him up, then kind of chased him down and talk shit to him on the way out.
Don't know what Scotty said. He was surprised.
All of his teammates were surprised. The rest, the rest of the referees were surprised that Scott Foster teed him up, threw him out of the game.
I, I know that a lot of people are like, hey, listen, nobody goes to games to watch Scott Foster. I do watch games to watch Scott Foster.
It's funny when he's deep in his bag and pulling out his A game. This was awesome.
I love Scott Foster. It's good.
I'll put it this way. It's good to have one Scott Foster in the league.
You don't want to have a bunch of refs that are copycat scott fosters but having this one wild card as a fan of chaos i love rooting for scott foster he is arguably the greatest to ever do it in terms of having a thin skin that's and being a really shitty referee yes but he is very much himself he's one of one and you have to appreciate greatness in that moment it's Joe West. Yeah.
Joe West. When it's Joe West and Angel Cabrera at the same time, that's too much.
Yeah. But I like having one guy that really sucks.
Like this is, you guys are all here for me that we can watch him and be like, go Scott, go. Yes.
And so Scott was, he was in rare form last night. I agree with that.
Shout out, shout out Scott Foster. I hope you continue this through the postseason.
Yes, I'd agree with that.

All right, my hot seat is a friend of the program,

a recurring guest.

Hopefully we'll have him back on for NBA playoffs, J.J. Redick.

He and Kendrick Perkins got actually upset at each other on first take.

We got to have J.J. back on to just remind him that first take, you don't have to take it seriously.
Cause he, he got upset and they're, they're arguing about MVPs. I think Kendrick Perkins alluded to maybe the MVP voters being, uh, biased towards white guys.
And then, uh, it devolved into like an argument that even Stephen A. Smith looked uncomfortable, which is hard to do.
Yeah. So I also have a take.
The MVP is just way overrated. Besides the team, if your player wins the MVP, that's awesome.
But in terms of a league-wide discussion, I just don't care who wins the MVP. I don't care who wins the title.
You know how you can tell who's going to be second place in the MVP voting? The guy whose fans are chanting MVP when they're at the foul line. Right.
That should actually be the qualification. Like, if you're that guy, then you're probably not the MVP because your fans are trying really hard to push you on the edge, and they're mad about it.
Also, JJ does need to remind himself sometimes that first take is the opposite of news. Yeah.
And it's the opposite of being informed about things. We got to just get them back on track.
JJ, it's better to sound correct than it is to be correct. Correct.
You did it again. Thank you.
Fucking did it again. Yeah.
Think about it. Can youp if you're if a player you root for wins an mvp that's awesome but everyone would rather win a title than an mvp and we spend so much time talking about mvps what hank i mean it's it's a big award it is a big award but at the end of the day like do you is it the most memorable thing that like we spend so much time talking about mvps and and then like do you who was the MVP in the NFL four years ago uh 2000 I'm gonna guess Patrick Mahomes probably who was the MVP in the NBA four years ago Dele I rest my case that was maybe Giannis I think that was Giannis so I guess I do remember yeah Giannis went back so I I disagree I guess I do remember.
I disagree that it's overrated. I think the MVP is like a very prestigious award.
But we often do. It's followed up with the comment that it's a regular season award.
What awards aren't overrated? Winning the title. Award.
Champion. Winning the award of champion.
Purple Heart. Purple Heart is not overrated.
Keys to the city. Not overrated.
Pizza parties. I mean, it's literally not even the keys to the city.
I literally have a key to Toledo. But you couldn't get in if you used it.
I could open every door. I walk up and I say, this is the key to the city.
Open your fucking door. And they open the door.
All right, so maybe. If that's the player of the year.
All right, okay. So, all right.
Correcting my own correcting my own take maybe mvps aren't overrated but the discussion about them is overrated because i feel like we spend a shit a lot of time talking about an mvp that most people like at the end of the day then the playoffs start it's like yeah this is what we're playing for yeah that's true so for the record it's when we're discussing LeBron versus Jordan, let's throw out Jordan's MVPs.

Okay.

Okay.

And he's still 6-0 in the finals.

I just wondered about how many. What's LeBron in the finals? I think like 3-13 or something.
Exactly. Rest our case.
No, no, no. 3-1-1.
3-1-1-1. Three and a half and 14 is really what it is.

All right, Billy.

My first hot seat.

Also, if he's playing 23 of the most important games of his career, you count all those losses as finals losses. Yes, absolutely.
First hot seat is my tongue for Billy-style cheesesteaks. This Thursday, there's multiple cheesesteak carts around New York City, and Jake and I will be at a random one at 11 a.m.
Eastern time on Thursday. Find Billy and Jake.
Yeah. I love it.
It's like, where's Waldo? Serving up cheesesteaks. You're going to lick people? Yeah, why is your tongue on the hot seat? You got HPV? I need a hot seat.
You're going to make out with him? I need a hot seat. Are you going to eat one Billy style? Yeah, I'm going to eat one Billy style.
Yeah, exactly. Okay.
Let's see. What's the hot sauce? Are you sure you're signing up for that? 11 a.m.
At 11 a.m. on Thursday.
Sign it up. There's a bunch around the city.
If you see them, take a picture, tweet them at us, and we'll be retweeting them. My cool throne is Toradol.
That shit really works. You tried some? I've taken two Toradol shots in the past week Is that how you got the Report done? No I had hives Okay But it fucking works Can we see your back? We gotta blur it Max can you blur out Max, fill his back Oh what the fuck dude Let's see your back Show Hank and Max, show the cameras I? Max, blur this, please.
All right, let's see. Oh, what the fuck, dude? Let's see your back.
Show Hank and Max. Show the camera.
I've been taking tons of Ben and Bill. You got to show the camera so we know what to blur.
Show the camera. Max, zoom in so we know what to blur.
My laundromat did a low water setting and the detergent was too high. Whatever you're thinking out there.
Max, you got that shot? Everybody at home, for the record, Billy does not have monkey pox. Stop putting it in the news that he has monkey pox.
It wasn't a monkey. Right.
There never was a monkey. Not one iota.
Not one monkey involved. Yes.
But Tortell actually is insane how much it works. Wait, so that's unrelated to the fleas? I thought it was the fleas, but turns out during the Hoboken water main break.
Wait, so Whitey doesn't work at a flea factory no and he didn't have fleas what's he been doing all day i took him to the groomer he's been leaving the he's been leaving your apartment every morning with his suitcase he's actually been just hanging out in a park he's actually been working hard lately and you got he actually works for us what he's coming up soon he works for us yeah no uh great i was gonna say for fire fest uh but yeah so anyway there's a water main break day my laundromat did a fair point. He works for us.
Yeah. No, I was going to say it for Fyre Fest.
But, yeah, so anyway, there's a water main break. My laundromat did a low water cycle, so they, like, used the same amount of detergent with less water.
And I guess I'm allergic to high concentrations of whatever they used. Damn, dude.
So then I've been, like, sleeping in my bed thinking I had fleas, but I was just, like, getting burnt by my bed detergent. You've always been a lowration guy.
Do they give you, like, a free load for that? I don't even want to deal with it. I feel bad for them because they had no water.
They struggle with load management. Yeah, they had no water that day.
So, like, I don't know. It's not their fault.
It's PSEG's fault. We all know that what that is.
They broke the water, man. Yes.
Okay. Tore all actually fucking insane.
Yeah. I was like itching my face off, and then I tore it all.
It all went away. I mean, yeah, you didn't have to take Toradol to know that.
I mean, every NFL player is like, it's the best feeling thing in the world before you go out there. Yeah.
How many of us have done Toradol before? I actually don't think that it's monkeypox. That's sick, bro.
I think it's cordyceps okay okay all right jake your hot seat cool thrown um my hot seat's retirement there was a report that tom brady would be oh yeah again and possibly coming to the dolphins however three hours ago tom brady tweeted anyone who thinks i have time to come back to the nfl has never adopted a two-month-old kitten for their daughter oh slashed on a stand- stand-up career. Did you also – this was Rich Eisenhead, like his five rumors he heard in Indy.
And one of them was that Phil Rivers was also reaching out to teams last year. So we could be back on.
It bummed me out when I saw that, that no team wanted him. I'm sure they just couldn't afford him.
Yeah, probably not. Probably not.
A lot of daycare. A lot of kids.
Yeah. So wait, Tom Brady.
Not unretired. What does that mean when he says no one has ever come back to work after getting their daughter a two-month-old kitten? What does that have to do with it? I guess it means his schedule is more filled now.
Yeah. But it's a cat.
It shits in your house. You don't have to let out.
You still have time to do practice broadcasts, right, Tom? It's paternity leave. Yeah.
He can't come back. Yeah.
My cool throne is. Dude, swim in a new pussy.
Yeah. My cool throne is Bob Costas.
He received a lot of heat for his broadcast work over the MLB playoffs, and he admitted in an interview that he was off his game. Oh, shit.
Pink eye? No. He says it's the same philosophy, same approach, but I wasn't nailing it.
It didn't have the same flow and rhythm to it. There were a few awkward moments.
That's accountability right there. Oh, wow.
More accountability than you'd ever hold on him. Yeah.
That's a fact. Yeah.
Like you still won't say Bob Cost Costas sucked after he just said. Bob Costas says he sucked.
Right. Exactly.
So I proved my point. Jake, what about this? You know who else was in the news recently? Who? Another broadcaster trying to make his way back to the big time.
Tom Brenneman. Tom Brenneman.
Oh, yeah. He's trying to come back.
Where do you stand on Tom Brenneman coming back? Oh, Jake, answer carefully. You have to have a take on this, Jake.
We have a lot of listeners in San Francisco. There's a saying.
Oh, no. Is it about a city? What? Okay, no, go ahead.
There's a saying that everyone deserves a second chance. Okay.
You almost said sex and chance. Second chance.
Wow. Should we get Joey in here for this? Yeah.
Get Pat and Joey. I guess it depends on the gig.
Okay, this is. I don't know.
So for the Cardinals. Yeah.
They already hired someone. Oh, okay.
I was going to say, yeah, didn't Chip Carey? Yeah. Yeah.
I was going to say, fuck it. I don't care.
Bring him back. He's done his time.
Yeah, it's also like, don't even make an announcement about it. Just have him just be announcing the Panthers versus Cardinals next year.
Or, I mean, it's. At 3 o'clock.
And we'll be like, all right, cool. He's back.
It's the Reds. If Cincinnati all got together and they're like, hey, let's just agree to not publicize the fact that Tommy Herman's back in the year.

Just slip them back in.

They could keep that a pretty good secret, I think.

Right, right.

How many people are tuning in out of market to watch Reds games?

He's got to come to the Phillies.

Why?

Castling on us.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Oh.

That would be great.

He should just follow wherever he goes.

Yeah.

There's a deep drive up a guy's butthole.

All right, so yeah, I stand on just just slipping back in. Jake, non-answer.
Everyone deserves a second chance. Hitler? But we've got to see that he's made those strides in the people that he's hurt.
What do you need to see? Yeah. Does he have to fuck a guy? Would that make you happy, Jake? I think he has to take it i'm gonna no comment here we've successfully put jake in a very bad corner you guys are very good at this all right okay let's get to our uh interview with kevin stefanski head coach of the cleveland browns hey it's ria from tricks in the office it's officially mini skort season and abercrombie has the ones to go out in.
Their scarlet mini is a classic. It's one of those skirts that fits the outfit vibe for any plans.
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Okay, here he is. Kevin Stefanski.
Okay, we now welcome on very special guest. It is head coach of the Cleveland Browns, Kevin Stefanski.
Thank you for coming on, coach. Do you want to do the hard question first or the easy question? Hard one.
All right, let's rip it off. All right, so we sometimes like to just be honest with our guests, things that we've said.
So I'm going to read a tweet to you from December 26, 2022. It says, Browns versus Saints was a battle of who can be the dumber piece of shit head coach.
Somehow Dennis Allen came to his senses before Stefanski. Thoughts? Fair.
Fair. I mean, when you lose, everything's fair game.
So fair. I'd agree.
Well, there were two losers in that game. Do you remember how that played out?

Yes.

That was the game where I think everybody that was watching was just screaming at the TV,

no matter who you rooted for, run the damn ball.

Yeah.

Why don't you run the damn ball?

It was hard in that game to run the damn ball.

They knew that it was very hard to pass, so they were bringing safeties very close to that line of scrimmage so you're thinking all right the winds died down we got the wind with us let's try this um obviously it didn't work so then you work backwards you're like okay what could we have done differently and yes running the damn ball in some situations would have helped in that game yeah so it must be difficult like you I mean it's great that you have these two unbelievable running backs but do do you ever find it? We're football dummies. We are fans at our core, and the one complaint every fan can always have is like, why don't you run the ball more? So is it difficult sometimes? Are you ever like on the sideline like, fuck, they probably just want me to run the ball.
I'll just run the ball. Like they can't get mad at me if I run the ball.
No, I think we're unique in having Nick Chubb and having that offensive line. I think the fun part for us is running the ball in the fourth quarter when you have that lead and you can go lean on people, which not many teams have that luxury.
But there's certainly high leverage moments down near the Reds, down near the goal line, third down, like you're always thinking about Nick Chubb. Yeah.
Yeah. Are you open to putting on your play sheet next year? Just as a reminder, Matt Nagy has BU.
You should just have run the damn ball. I hear, yeah, that's definitely something that I'll hear.
It's a refrain of our fans oftentimes. I'm like score points.
I want to write that on the call sheet. That works too.
Any which way you can. What about this for analytics? Teams that run the ball more win at a higher rate in the NFL than teams that run the ball less.
Yeah, is that the whole causation versus? Yeah, it is, but it's also true. You know, I remember somebody said they're like, when Nick Chubb rushes the ball this many times you win, I'm like, we should start the game with 24 straight Nick rushes.
Yes. Let's see what happens.
Yes. We may be down by a couple scores, but, you know.
Yeah. Yeah.
He seems like a good guy. When I watch the mic'd ups with Chubb, he doesn't really say anything.
He's just, like, breathing hard, and then occasionally be like, yeah, after, like, a good play. Is he more talkative than that around you, around people that he knows? He's definitely more talkative when he's comfortable.
Nick is a unique person. I mean, he's a man of few words.
And I always tell people, like, he's not low maintenance, he's no maintenance. He shows up, he doesn't wear gloves, you know, he kind of is always what he's supposed to wear out at practice.
He's in stretch lines, like, whatever you ask him to do, he's just going to do it uh but he's got a personality off the field i just don't think he lets that lets people in uh very easily so you need have you ever given a speech like if we had 53 nick chubbs yes yeah yes i get around town i always get nick chubbs my favorite player i'm like mine too yeah exactly agreed all right so since we're doing a little uh analytics you did go to pen no big deal deal. Ivy League.
Like what? Like the seventh Ivy League? That's not. It's Ivy League adjacent.
Like what? It's Harvard, Yale. It's the southernmost Ivy.
Okay. But it's, you're probably ahead of Cornell.
That's it, right? Yeah. Cornell doesn't count.
Yeah. Dartmouth.
Dartmouth. Definitely ahead of Dartmouth.
Yeah. Maybe ahead of Dartmouth.
Everybody always talks about HYP, Harvard, Yale, Princeton. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
We're somewhere shortly thereafter. Okay.
All right. That's fair.
Yeah, Columbia, I'd say, is ahead of you. But either way, Ivy League nonetheless, barely Ivy League, safety school of Ivy League.
Let me throw an analytics question to you. Okay.
Game situation. Okay.
It is, you're down eight points. Okay.
You have all three of your timeouts? All three of your timeouts? I think so. Two minimum.
Yeah, so let's say three timeouts. Okay.
There's about a minute and 48 seconds left. You are on fourth and goal on the eight-yard line.
You're down eight. Yeah.
What do you do? Yeah, you can kick the field goal and then hope that you get the onside kick. Well,side field goal.
Well, you have all three timeouts, so you could, yeah.

Or you kick the ball deep and use all three and hope you get the ball back.

No, you're going in.

You're close to –

Did this ever happen in any games?

No, no, no.

No games.

Not in any high-profile playoff games or anything like that.

No, no championship games.

No NFC championship games.

I think when you get low – I do know this.

As you get lower down in the red zone, you've got to take your shot a lot of times.

No, that's not every time.

Not if your quarterback doesn't believe in that sort of thing.

Yeah, and I'm not speaking to any example.

But I think that's not every time. Not if your quarterback doesn't believe in that sort of thing.
I'm not speaking to any example, but I will say this. That inside, when you get low, that eight-yard line, it is difficult.
There's not a lot of plays that you love to be able to hold on the ball. But to your point, if you don't get it, now you can use your three timeouts and maybe get the ball back.
So when we are sitting on the couch and, like, say it's third and goal from the five and you get a five-yard penalty, I always am like, good, more room. Is that right? No.
It's not because it takes you longer. You're eligible players.
It takes them longer to get into the end zone. But I'll tell you what, those decisions, sometimes you're like, damn it if you do, damn it if you don't.
Ultimately, I try, we try to bet on the players as much as you can and trust the guys. So do you have, how does that work for you specifically on the sideline? Do you have your offensive coordinator in your ear? Do you have an analytics guy in your ear? We have a game management coach up in the booth who's – the way we work our fourth down decisions at least,

we use the red, yellow, green scale, which – can we understand that one?

That's pretty sweet.

Stop light.

Yep, got it.

So we'll oftentimes like say, hey, you're green at three,

meaning fourth and three, two or one, you're green.

All these decisions you make during the week because you look at the game,

you look at the matchup, you look at the weather, and you basically come out and say, okay say okay how many points do we need to score how's our matchup on defense those type of things because it's it's hard and now there's times when it's yellow and that's the true gut but when when it's pretty clear that you should go for it based on the information you have available to you it speeds up your process yeah what about the timeout aspect of the game do you ever I've always said that like coaches should play Madden in the offseason just to put yourself in those game situations. Honestly, so I grew up playing Madden.
I really believe our generation is maybe a little bit better at game management because we've done that. Because we know when you're down 10, you've got, hey, I'm going to kick the field goal now, and then I'm going to get the onside.
I've got to get the 7 later. I do think all those games – I know it's silly, but I do think that all helps when it comes to game management what about if you're down by 14 points uh what two minutes left in the fourth quarter you're going in you score a touchdown do you go for two or do you kick an extra point uh i think you go for two in that situation yeah the nice part is you have somebody up in the booth that's helping you with all these decisions so you don't have to make them all in the moment yeah um because as you guys know like you make a decision when it works you're really smart when it doesn't work you're getting text messages or you're getting tweets from big cat yes yes so wait i i you said something there about madden that reminded me you're cosplaying as an older guy with your beard because we i remember we had that revelation we're like wait we're the same age as Kevin Stefanski this isn't fair why do you you you are a young looking guy except your beard is gray thank you I think no that's a compliment yeah yeah so but I think you're doing it on purpose so people are like oh he's been around forever that's an yeah maybe I should so should I die at what is it first of all i tell my kids it's blonde it's not gray okay yeah that's smart should i go grayer or should i i i think it's a good amount of gray you don't want to end up like hank but i think that with with your face we i think our theory was that you were dying your beard gray yeah yeah and it is a compliment because we're saying basically you're way younger than maybe your beard looks like I'll get the reverse where I'll say I'm 38 and people are like, I thought you were 50.
That sucks. Yeah.
For me, when it comes to the beard, it's like I don't like to shave. So when you just let it grow out and then you get to trim it every week or so.
So it just kind of takes away a day of maintenance, if that makes sense. Do you have a schedule a schedule in place? Like, you know that you should trim it two days before game day because there's no, but I have an unbelievable barber that I go to.
Uh, I'll get, can I give him a plug? Yeah. Shout him out.
Uh, Sean Gormley. He's the Irish barber, uh, Irish barber in Rocky river, uh, Ohio.
He has a pub right next door to the barbershop that he also owns. So you can have a pint while you're getting your haircut.
Make sure we bleep all that. Um, yeah, no, that's, I mean, that sounds like the perfect barbershop that he also owns so you can have a pint while you're getting your haircut that's great make sure we bleep all that um yeah no that's i mean that sounds like the perfect barbershop yeah you gotta go you're just sitting there and drinking a beer and having i like i mean sometimes i like to almost close my eyes and just take a little fall asleep yeah take a little snooze all right so your career is fascinating to me because you were with the vikings for a very long time and you survived three different head coaches.
How? Like, that is – you never really see that happen where guys are able to stay in the building, so you must have something to you that has people being like, I believe in him, I want him to stick around, I don't want to throw him out. Dirt on the owner type stuff.
Yeah, I don't know. You tell me if you want to say that, sure.
You know, the first change, I went from Brad Childress to Leslie Frazier. Leslie was the defensive coordinator, so he retained a bunch of guys.
And then Coach Zim came in. He had a lot of defensive coaches, maybe didn't have as many offensive coaches.
So I was very fortunate to interview with him and stick on as his tight end coach, I guess, back then. There's no secret.
I'm so lucky in that. And I got to stay in one place for whatever it was, 15 years, worked with different offensive coordinators.
Most people, when you do that, you have to move like six times to get the type of experience I had. So I was, I was the lucky one.
There's somebody that's the opposite that moved six times. I got to stay there.
Yeah. So when you started, you, I read a story that you met Brad Childress and you made such an impression on him that he was like, I'm going to hire this guy.
Do you remember that meeting? Well, I was in, so I interned with the Eagles. So I get out of college.
I have no idea what I want to do. So I get into commercial real estate, which is where really fascinating industry.
And I very quickly realized like, I don't want to do this. I know I didn't want to do that.
So just, I love football, had played in college. So opportunity came to intern with the Eagles, and I went up there in the summer of 2005.
This was the crazy TO summer. Remember the sit-ups? Yeah.
So I was up there for that. And, yeah, I don't remember.
It wasn't like one meeting with Coach Childress, but at some point we must have crossed paths, and when he got the job, he gave me a call to come join him. That's incredible.
And then you were in Minnesota when Brett Favre came to town.

I was.

Were you involved in the recruiting process for Brett?

Not the recruiting process, but I was in the quarterback room.

That was my first year on the offensive staff was 2009.

Here I am a fly on the wall.

It was Brett Favre, Tavares Jackson, Sage Rosenfels.

Kevin Rogers was the quarterback coach.

I got to sit back there, not say a word.

I just watched it all.

Brett was incredible. What struck me a bunch about him, but he had seen so much football.
And it was just, like, he'd rattle off a look. He's like, yeah, they did that in, you know, whatever year, 96.
We killed the Bears, sorry, when they brought that defense versus us. Like, he just had this Rolodex memory of things that he had seen through his career.
But he was great to me for a young coach to watch how it was done at a high level was unbelievable. So along those same lines, you were on the sideline for Bounty Gate.
Yes, I was. Yeah.
Were you at any point like, what's going on here? This is, they're trying to kill him? Well, I think back then and even now, like they're trying to hit, every defense is trying to hit the quarterback. I mean, Brett came out of that game.
His ankle was black and blue this big. I think he would have played in the Super Bowl.
But you weren't surprised that they were trying to hit the quarterback. I mean, that game, what I remember about that is – so I'm the assistant quarterback coach or whatever my title was.
And we went – because it was so loud, we went to a wristband for the first time all season. So I'm in charge of putting wristband together so i'm on the bus to the stadium reading the call sheet reading the wristband to just make sure it all matches up because my biggest fear in my life obviously is they call a wristband number two and it's a different play so i was like that entire game i'm scared to death how many times do you think we use that wristband in the game zero zero so all that stress that brought the gray out of my beard well yeah i mean that that was a stressful game i also have a theory on that game adrian peterson took a picture i think it was either earlier in that day or the day before eating french fries on uh bourbon street and then he fumbled twice any you're saying greasy yeah i do i really do think that that matters yeah you can tell me i'm dumb but those things matter yeah we turned the ball over too many times i think we fumbled going in once i think we maybe turned it over four times we were uh we're handing the ball to percy harvin a bunch um that was the crazy game and then they changed the overtime rules if you remember because we didn't touch the ball yeah they got the ball they had a big third and one conversion that that they got and then they kicked that walk off field goal yeah so all right so other famous vikings

uh moment uh were you the one who puked when teddy bridgewater hurt his knee in practice no but i was coaching the tight ends at the time and on that play the tight end was coming across the formation and my biggest fear was that the tight end clipped legs clipped heels with teddy and luckily watching and tape it was non-contact. That was horrible.
And what that resonated with me is like, Teddy is one of the most amazing people. Like, his teammates don't like him.
They love him. They adore him.
So to see him in pain and to see how, like, just nasty that injury was, like, that took a lot out of the team. Like, Coach Zim brought the team right inside.
He's like, we can't practice after witnessing that. It'd be impossible.
Yeah, the real tragedy was we were actually on a plane to come and interview Teddy and Zim. I don't know if you remember us in the building there.
Yeah, we were in the airport. They stashed us away.
For the next three days, we were in the bowels of your practice facility. They were like, how about Blair Walsh? That was literally what happened.
No one would look at us. It felt like a funeral around there it was bad expectations were high and again just the person that Teddy is you know that's what made it so hard you could tell that everyone just loves Teddy and we also the most shocking thing on that trip is we walked in and Mike Zimmer's car was parked in front and he had like I I think it was probably nine or ten bags of Red Band.

Conservatively, yeah. The entire center

console was just overflowing with empty bags

of Red Band. Camo on the side of the truck.

I'd like to go back a little

bit further if we could, back to your high school days

because you were a very good football

player. Was it St.
Joseph's?

St. Joe's Prep.
St. Joe's Prep.

Colleague of your guys. Roan?

Roan. And Bob Lang.

Bullet Bob Lang.

Yeah.

Yes.

And for a while, Joe Judge.

Yes.

So Joe Judge was on your team, right?

Joe was – we were together freshman year, and then he transferred.

Because you beat him out for the starting position.

Oh, hell yes.

No.

That was a crazy time.

It's amazing that, you know, we played against each other.

When he was with the Giants, I was, you know, with Cleveland Cleveland it was amazing that here are two guys that were in the same class together um but Joe transferred he had some stuff going on with his family um and he had to transfer now Joe's older brother Jim and I played together uh he was I think two years older than us but I know that's the story out there but I will debunk it okay I'll officially debunk I'd like to continue with my theory that i know you will beat him out and i'm just gonna pretend that you didn't say any yeah so so along those lines uh i had this conversation when i ran into you on vacation we didn't vacation together but i did run into you on vacation the um you're from philly your your family's eagles fans yeah the nfc championship game when the eagles killed the Vikings. Bringing out all the best ones.
Yeah, could you tell some of your family members? Could you tell the ride or die people? Oh, yeah, you find out. My cousin, he's definitely rooting for the Eagles today.
Yeah, you find out, especially my friends, especially. You find out who's with you and who's against you.
If you remember that game, I had a good buddy that was at that game that was a Vikingsings fan and he's wearing all vikings gear which i told him not to i know that city very well um so sure enough we go down the field and it's seven nothing after the first drive and then all hell breaks loose so i forget what the final score was but he was in the bathroom in the third quarter okay and he's got his vikings gear on he says he can feel all the eyeballs on him and he turns around he says is it still seven nothing and that broke it up and they didn't kick his ass that's pretty good that's a tough city that's a tough city man i actually if i were in your position i would expect my family to root for the eagles i really would yeah i think do you ever hear blood is thicker than water does that mean yeah yeah but at, it's the birds. It's the birds.
I will say this. You know, that was a very hard loss, as they all are.
I am happy for the – you know, my uncles, people growing up, that season ticket owners, like, if it's not going to be you, I was happy for them that year. That's fair.
So are you superstitious at all? Not really, no. I don't think so.
Okay, because that would explain for why you didn't sit out the second playoff game after you had covid uh against the steelers because i would have sat that out if i were you yeah um we gave you credit for that by the way yeah are you did have you won a playoff game technically yes oh maybe no does that count if i wasn't there we gave you credit and then a bunch Steelers fans were like, he wasn't even on the sideline. I don't care.
I know this. That it was the most surreal.
Now, it happened the next year, but it wasn't a playoff game. I missed the game we were playing the Raiders at our place.
But I can't describe to you how weird it was. Like, out-of-body type stuff where you're watching your football team play in a

playoff game.

You're in your basement.

You're sick.

Your family's upstairs.

It was just the strangest time.

You actually had a quote after that that I love that you said that it was

harder to watch the games than be in the games.

A hundred percent.

Yeah.

And that's,

I get it.

We know.

No,

I get it.

I was pacing up and down.

I have the call sheet in front of me,

which I don't know why.

And I'm trying to figure out what they're calling next.

And when you,

that's why if you guys were on the sideline and you're calling plays, you have the power. You can make decisions, so the nervous energy is not there when you're in the moment calling plays.
I was so nervous going up and down. It was incredible.
How did you prepare for that game as a head coach? You're sick. How much can you actually put into place, and how much do you trust your guys to do? mean I was available to game plan all week I ran the meetings you know from my basement because I wasn't sick I'm out well I had COVID but I wasn't like ill but I was running the zoom meetings and then I did tell the coaches you know Mike Prefer was our acting head coach in that game I told Alex Van Pelt who called the plays I'm like do not think about me looking over your shoulder you guys just be fearless do what I know you're capable of doing and they did and so I mean it was an incredible season for the Browns.
I'm like, do not think about me looking over your shoulder. You guys just be fearless.
Do what I know you're capable of doing. And they did.
And so, I mean, it was an incredible season for the Browns. I know that you have aspirations to take the Browns deeper in the playoffs, but that specific season, getting to the playoffs, like, were you getting stopped at the grocery store and just everywhere? Like, thank you so much, coach.
Well, I got, it was all before the season too. I can't tell you how many times I was reminded that the team hadn't been to the playoffs since.
And I was like, I don't care. I wasn't here for any of that.
I had to suffer. I didn't live that.
So that didn't matter to me. And then going to the playoffs, you want to set your bar a little bit higher than just going to the playoffs.
But I did. I remember I was going through the airport in Cleveland, and one of the TSA agent comes up and says, thank you for beating Pittsburgh.
That was our Super Bowl. And I'm like, no, I want the Super Bowl to be your Super Bowl.
But there is something about beating those Steelers. Yes, absolutely.
It's nice. Were you the coach of the team when Swagger tragically passed away? I don't know.
Is that on my record too? I think it is. I think it is, unfortunately.
The mascot Swagger passed away, and then they had an open casket funeral for the dog. Is that true? And then they brought in – yeah, it is actually true.
They live-streamed it on the internet for some reason. Yes.
These are the things that we care about as fans. Yeah, it's sometimes stunning to, like, sit next to somebody that's in charge of the actual team, and we talk about all this dumb shit, and they're like – I have no idea.
No recollection. That didn't cross my desk, and I'm like, why? Yeah, because you're not busy.
Yeah. So, all right.
So, after – I have two games for you that I want to know what your instant reaction was after we'll do good and bad okay good uh the case Keenum throw against the Saints the Minneapolis miracle yeah what how long until you're like wait that actually just happened so I'm up in the coach's booth Pat Shermer is the offensive coordinator I'm the quarterback coach I'm up there and my immediate reaction like, did he step out of bounds? Because you're not watching the TV copy. You're watching the field.
And I got people jumping on me, headlocking me, jumping around. And the whole time, did he step out? Did he step out? And then obviously you see that everybody's celebrating.
That was totally surreal. And you don't expect when you're all the way back there where we were, you're kind of like, all right, let's just get in range to throw a Hail Mary.
Like, okay, if we complete this one to Diggsie, we'll get out of bounds. We'll launch one into the end zone.
And then sure enough, he just – unfortunately, the kid made a tough play in the boundary, and Diggsie went right down the sideline. Yeah, that was insane.
And then the bad, the Jets game this year. Ooh.
After that game – What was the percentage? Yeah, are you like – What was our win percentage? I think it was 99.9. I think it was actually they went final um on the scoreboard so so we like are you just if i if i were in your shoes i'd just be sitting in the locker room like knowing i have to speak to the team and just being like wait what just happened like that was a stomach punch and yeah same thing i you know i remember getting back to my office and before i talked talked to the team, what hurts the most about those moments is it's hard to win in the NFL.
It's hard. And when you have it and you can feel like you can just touch it, and then you're like, I know that's going to come back at the end of the season.
That was week two, I think. Yeah.
And you're like, man, I know at the end of the year we're going to want that one back. But you've got to go talk to the team.
And I think for me, I'm so aware of the team is looking at me, how I respond. Now, what I'm proud of the team is we came back on Thursday night and won against Pittsburgh.
So they did rebound, but those things, they stay with – like that will never leave me. Yeah.
Like there were about ten things that happened after Nick Chubb scored and a few things before Nick Chubb scored. That will never leave me.
I mean, it shows how mature and obviously being like a head coach is about being in those moments everyone looking at you because I think if I were in your shoes I would have just walked out found the guy who didn't recover the onside like grab him and be like why and then just start crying and go into a puddle yeah there is a a part of me that wanted to do that um but I just I know even how you walk in the building on Monday after a loss or a win. Yeah.
Like everybody, as a football coach, you get so many opportunities to stand in front of your team. And so much of it is messaging and how you want the guys to feel about a game.
And even after a win, like you got to sometimes remind them, you know, that you haven't figured it all out. So I'm very aware of my impact that I have.
So after a bad loss of that, are you, when you address the team, are you doing it to let them see your emotion? Are you doing it to try to give them something positive to build on? Because you have to have some sort of plan. You can't just go up in front of them and be like, that sucked.
I'm sorry. Although I might try that.
Yeah. That's what I would do.
I mean, honestly, everything I do, at just i'm trying to be authentic about it and that i've been around different coaches or whatever that maybe act you know it's not real or and this is you know over the course of time where you just want to be yourself because i think players see right through that so when when stuff hurts like you gotta let them see that it hurts and when you're excited you let them see that now you know in the moment in games I try to be very even keel just because I feel like you're making decisions every 30 seconds and when I if I start to lose my mind I don't feel like I can make those decisions for the team so I try to keep my emotions under wraps yeah is there an art to press like pressuring the officials to get in their ear early about certain things do you know which guys you can push which ones you can pull on they have a tough job those officials um good answer thank you i try to yeah you said that i try to i try to be respectful um because i know they have a job to do and then i they are human so if there's a play that doesn't go your way you do want to let them know about that because there's a chance you get i know officials would tell you there's no such thing as a makeup call but they're human yeah so if you let them know how upset you are there's a chance if there's a 50 50 ruling maybe it goes your way yeah no that's fair um what's the dumbest play you've ever created that either did or didn't work i mean it happens every week where you get on the board and you start putting stuff up and you're like, that margin of smart to dumb is so fine. And, like, for instance, Andy Reid, first bout Hall of Fame coach, Super Bowl winner, unbelievable.
Like, the stuff he does in the red zone, like, I can't do that. You know, you have to have a ring before you bring around the rosy.
Candy-ass a little bit. As fun as that is for the players.
For us, when it comes to trick plays, that's always like that fine line. Like, if this doesn't work, I'm going to boo myself.
Yeah. And there was a game this year playing the Bengals on Sunday night or Monday night.
Maybe it was Sunday night. I think the one you won.
It was Halloween. Yeah, Monday night.
It was Monday night, Halloween. And we had a pass that Amari Cooper threw.
And we hand the ball to Nick Chubb. He pitched it to Amari.
Amari's rolling out. We had a receiver running down the boundary.
Amari, their linebacker sniffed it out. He's getting ready to hit Amari.
Amari's trying to throw it away, and it goes directly to Von Bell, like between the two and the four, like perfect interception right to him. And I'm like, the boost, I wanted to boo myself.
But I probably should have known. We try to give those trick plays names, and we called that Michael Myers.
Oh, Halloween. I like that.
Maybe don't name plays after like serial killers. Yeah, that got you.
That was a lesson learned. You do own Joe Burrell, though.
We didn't beat them second time this year. Not the second time, but historically you've owned those Bengals.
Is that just like a matchup thing where you guys feel like you match up well against the Bengals I would tell you this our division is very very tough I mean you got I think it's great players I think it's really good coaches whether it's Cincinnati you know going to the AFC championship game back-to-back years what Mike T does in Pittsburgh coach Harbs in Baltimore I like that that's a coach that's a tough division so there's no tough there's no easy game in our division i think whoever comes out of the division whether it's one or two sometimes three you know you're going to get a good team because you're battle testing yeah speaking of the trick plays i'm gonna let you in on a little secret i haven't shared this with any other nfl head coaches but i'm pretty sure you're gonna tell them this yeah no we've talked about it all right no i've never heard it either. So I think I know what the future of offensive football is going to be, the future wrinkle.
It's going to be designed downfield laterals. You see the Chiefs do it occasionally.
Yeah. But when it's executed right, when it's taught correctly, it can turn a seven-yard gain into a 40-yard gain very, very easily.
Obviously, there's fumble issues.

Yeah, it's a risk.

Hey, there's risk and reward.

There's a risk.

But if you watch how, like, for instance, the Fijian national rugby team plays,

they're so good at getting tackled, positioning their arms around the tackler, knowing where their guy is, offloading to that guy, and it's an explosive play.

And I feel like the next head coach that understands how to incorporate that into football is going to just revolutionize the NFL. Okay.
Challenge accepted. Yeah.
Okay. So the hook and lateral has been in the game for a long time.
What you're saying is like Kelsey in the playoffs, the deeper ability to get the defense to converge and pitch it. Yeah, you draw on the defenders.
So you bring in three guys that are trying to tackle you. There's a guy on his hip.
They're not keying on that guy at all. If you're able to pitch it to him real quick, if you coach it and practice it.
When you pitch it to the next ball carrier, is he allowed to pitch it? Yeah. All right.
That's what the Patriots did against the Raiders. Yeah.
It worked out really well. So don't do that.
That's not what I'm talking about. Actually, the first offload on that play was good.
Yeah, it was. Then don't throw it all the way across the field afterwards.
Yeah, I'll tell you, option football, I mean, we've seen in the Super Bowl,

I mean, Kansas City has run the option over time with what Philly did

with Jalen Hurts with the quarterback run game.

I do think there's probably a place in the game for the next evolution.

Maybe this is it.

Yeah, just think about it.

I've thought about it.

It's in.

Okay, nice.

I got another one for you.

Ready for this?

I'm ready.

Fourth down, fake punt. I'm sure you have a fake punt in your plan.
You get the first down, you fake punt again. They don't expect you to get back in the little punt for me.
Do they put their defense on the field? They don't know what to do. Interesting.
They think you're insane. Yeah, they're like, wait, what's going on? This just happened.
Are they punting again? You probably get them to burn a timeout. Yeah.
At least. At bare minimum.
You keep everyone, same package on the field. Fake punt.
Boom. Line it back up.
Fake punt again. Or you do the punt on third down, which Buddy Ryan's famous for.
Yeah. Smart.
Yep. These are all really good ideas.
I'm taking mental notes. All right.
It's fourth and one. Here's another good one.
We're close to getting a ring if the Browns win. You guys are.
When we win the Super Bowl, you guys are getting rings. Oh, yeah.
You said that. Thank you.
Sean McVay made this promise to us, and he welched on it. Your beard's way better than I promise you.
All right, okay, all right, good. All right, fourth down, fourth and one.
Your quarterback's under center. It looks like he's just going to run the clock.
He's trying to get them to jump, right? So he does all the hard count, all that stuff. Then he comes up from under center, and he's like, ah, it's not going to work.
Then he goes right back under center, and you snap it to him. Interesting.
The fake, fake snap. I like that.
And you've also seen in the shotgun, you'll see some teams, but the quarterback Mahomes will kind of look to the sideline, go palms up, and they'll sneak somebody in. Is it a cousin of that play? Yeah, similar to that, like feigning confusion, acting like you don't know what you're doing.
Shanahan actually did something similar with Man similar with Manziel when he was on the Browns where he was like screaming at Manziel walks over the sideline they pretend to get into an argument then he runs downfield and it actually got flagged but it works perfectly. These trick plays I'm telling you we call it shit house or castle there's no in between.
I mean this is what the one thing I loved about Bill Cowher is every time he got across the 50 he would just do a trick play on your ass. They just be like, boom, here it is.
It's the in between. Yeah.
I mean, this is what, like, the one thing I loved about Bill Cowher is every time he got across the 50, he would just do a trick play on your ass. He'd just be like, Bill, here it is.
It's the logo. So when you get around the logo, then the defense is aware of that too.
So they're trying to protect those shots. Yeah.
I like it. Serious question about growing up.
Your dad was the senior vice president for the Nets for a while. So were you, like, around that team with Jason Kidd, all those guys? I was in late high school or college when he was doing that.
But I drove up the turnpike. I went to a bunch of those games, Jay Kidd, Kerry Kiddles, Kenya Martin.
Keith Van Horn? Keith Van Horn was on that team. They went to the finals two years in a row.
They went, I think it was L.A. and the Spurs, you know, tough teams that you run into.
But I went to – Sounds like you're making an excuse for your dad. I am.
Okay. But Jason Kidd remains one of my favorite players.
I mean, to watch – talk about like changing a franchise. When he showed up at the Nets back then, that just changed everything about their franchise.
So how does that – I mean, like it's very interesting to see your dad is a high-level NBA guy you're an NFL guy, head coach. Like, is he a big football fan and you're a big basketball fan or was it? Yeah, I mean, he grew up, he was a basketball player.
He played in college, so he was good at that. I was not very good at basketball.
I mean, I played it growing up, but he kind of did his thing. I'm doing my thing.
I think it's helpful for me to have somebody that has been in the sports business that understands like wins and losses and gets that part. But it's not like I got into football because he was in basketball.
Right. It's just fascinating.
You don't see, I mean, two very successful and different professions. He also thinks he could be a NFL scout.
Like he tells me all the time about players and watch out for this guy. I'm like, what do you know about football?

Does that get annoying to you having, not necessarily your dad,

but just people coming up to you and telling you,

hey, here's how you should manage your team.

You know what it's called? Free advice.

I had a lot of free advice, which some of it's good.

I think I gave you some free advice last year at the Combine.

I think I told you to trade for Kirk Cousins.

Yeah.

That was on me, my mistake.

We've had a long history with Kirk Cousins.

He's a very nice guy. I love Kirk.
Got to kirk uh for a few years won some football games with him um he's a good player yeah what about his grilling technique yeah i can't speak to that i can speak to his quarterback technique but i'll let him speak for himself on the grilling technique yeah we're probably too hard on kirk because he is he's a he's better than uh I mean everyone always like

the Bears he would be the best quarterback in Bears history that's a fact do you want him back honestly yes like that's why I hate him so much because if you look at the stats and what he's done and what he did in DC compared to everything else that we've had since then yeah Kirk Cousins that's my Super Bowl was having Kirk Cousins yeah go 500 over the course of like a three-year span for me. Yeah, so I was coordinator for Kirk for really a year and change, and I became a head coach out of it.
There's so many guys. Sean McVay was with Kirk.
So Kirk's been with some really good coaches, so I have to tell you I'm indebted to him. Yeah.
All right, so I want to get a headline that all the Cleveland radio stations can run. With Deshaun this year and your running attack, are you going to let it fly or are you going to run the ball? Can we do both? No, you've got to pick one or the other.
Yeah, I think offensive football, we want to do both. We want to cop out.
You've got to either let it fly or run the ball. Minus grid.
I'll let it fly and then run the ball. Does that work? Oh.
In one game and then flip it the next game. That's a little interesting.
You're not going to establish the run first. That's a fallacy.
You don't have to establish to run the throat. Okay.
Well, what about this? How about if you let that thing fly and then you run the damn ball? How about if I put that on the call sheet? Okay. I like that.
I like both those things. What's your prediction? Everyone's giving us a prediction this year.
Your prediction for the Browns. Everyone.
Literally everyone. Can we go undefeated? Is that a prediction? Yes.
That's what you should aim to. I mean, you try to win every game.
Yeah. Why is it a fallacy to run to not establish a run? I think play action's been proven that you don't need to have a good run attack or be running the ball to get the linebackers to suck.
I disagree. You can't break these from our fandom and our brains.
You have to establish the run you've been reading the nerd website yeah yeah there's there's a lot of good data behind it i mean for us honestly going back to just our players like we're fortunate to have nick we got david njoku i think is as good a tight end as there as there is in league so to be able to be balanced i think is ultimately the best thing you can be in when it comes offensive football. Okay, so what's more important? If you could pick one, you have to pick one.
Protect the quarterback or heat up the quarterback? Oh, probably heat up the quarterback. Yeah, that's the right answer.
That's the way that you win Super Bowls. We have Miles Garrett.
That's always going to be a big part of what we do. Yeah, go ahead.
I was going to kind of dovetail off that. How important would you say it is to set the tone? That's some coach speak right there.
Setting the tone is always good. You get to set the tone on kickoff.
If your first play of the game is either kickoff or kickoff return, you get to set the tone. Have you ever heard the tip of the spear? Yes.
First team's tip of the spear. I like that.
If you had to pick between setting the edge and flying around out there on defense. I think you need to set the edge so that you can fly around out there.
Okay. Freeze up space.
Yeah. So when you got the job in Cleveland, did you have a conversation with Miles? You're like, Hey, don't take off your helmet and bash anyone.
You know, fortunately, a lot of that was being figured out when I got there. Right.
I will say this about Miles. He's a very, very smart person.
He's very conscientious.

I know he learned from that.

Have you guys had Miles on the show?

No, we haven't.

He's one of the more interesting people I've ever been around.

Yeah, truly.

And he's really good at football.

And he's really good at football.

And he hasn't hit anybody in the head with a helmet in three years.

And he won't.

Well, did you tell him that, though?

Because that seems like a situation where he could be like, you didn't tell me. I don't think I needed to tell him.
I told him to retire as a basketball player. Yeah.
Which he took that, you know, and did that. He's a really good basketball player.
He can play in some of those all-star games. Yeah.
That's kind of a compliment to him, though. Like, you watch him play basketball, and you're like, this guy is just so freakishly athletic, I'm worried he's going to hurt himself doing something.
Well, there was some video of him playing basketball in a pickup game.

He was playing against guys that look like us, no offense.

I wasn't very concerned that he was going to get hurt in that game.

But Miles, it's very strange to think about he's from the same species.

Yeah, he's the same.

Physically, how he plays, what he looks like, the speed at which he goes,

the way he bends, he might be an alien. You ever ask him to just put a shirt on? Okay, man, you're making everybody look bad here.
Hey, just be you. David Njokor, our tight end, also likes to go out to pregame with that.
Whatever gets you ready to play that game. So we've been giving you a lot of free advice.
We've got some more. The elf in the midfield.
Brownie. Cursed.
No good? Nope. We snuffed that out right away.
Game one. We were like, that's a bad sign.
You lost with Brownie game one. I don't think you bring him back.
Okay. Yeah.
I got it. What else should I bring back to corporate? That drunk guy that's in the stands that's almost passing out.
Yes. That guy should have a job.
Yes. Yes.
He should be director of morale. Our fans are unbelievable.
Have you guys been in the dog pound before? I've been in the Muni lot. This was like 2014, I want to say.
It was Johnny Manziel's first year, whenever that was. I went to a pre-game, or excuse me, a pre-season game.
I went to the Muni lot to tailgate, and it was beyond anything that I've ever seen at an NFL regular season game there. So I've heard i haven't been there i don't know that i can ever go to the muni lot like even after a win i'd be afraid to yeah if you get well you do you make it out yeah i mean they're the they are one there's like certain fan bases in the nfl where you're like those fans like i root for them more than even like you know what i mean like i want them happy.
Totally. No, we have a passionate group.
Northeast Ohio, Cleveland, it's a small town. And, you know, some of these towns that deserve a winner, like you want that so badly for them.
And, you know, going back to the Eagles, my dad was – he was down in Florida, was wearing a Browns hat, and a bunch of people were coming up, and he's like, these Browns fans are the Eagles fans before we won the Super Bowl. super bowl yeah like that that is us yeah so that's that's your mission they will build a statue of you if you have a super bowl yeah i i would i'll take the ring you're getting a ring well we'll take a ring actually no can we get a statue yeah sure all right well i had one last question this has been awesome noble is known for their best in class award-winning footwear

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My last question. So when I did run into you on vacation, I don't know if you remember this moment i want to apologize but

also say i'm not sorry um i met your daughter uh you her name's stella my dog's name and i was like she's and you said oh yeah we're thinking about getting a dog and i said to your daughter actually your dad told me that he's getting you a dog for christmas um so my daughter juliet is... Oh, that's not your...

Yeah, not Stella. Wait, how did

Stella come up?

What were you drinking i don't know all right so i'm i'm an idiot maybe we just start talking about dogs yes we did okay yes so i got that wrong but i did promise her a dog from you so when the dog doesn't come christmas morning call you no that's your fault it was one of those moments that like i'm always in content content mode and I like forgot I was on vacation like just chill out for a second so when she said she wanted a dog I was like you're getting one thank you I think you just be like don't don't listen to that crazy drunk man yeah there's a lot of therapy that we're gonna have to undo after that experience well I want to double down so if she's watching this right now you're getting two dogs you're getting two dogs Any breed? What do you want? I think if you're getting two, you've got to go big and small, right? Okay, yeah. So we'll get like a- You've got to get a bull mastiff and a pug.
Yeah. There we go.
Bull mastiff and a pug. That's a very funny combination.
But the real question here is why aren't you getting your kids a dog? So my oldest, this is like weird to say this because I don't want to- he's allergic. Oh, no.
him feel bad? Well, there's, you can get like a, you can do a golden doodle or a poodle, some hypoallergenic. But apparently those still have dander that's still, so.
How long until he goes to college? Anyway, not only do you not know my daughter's name. Yeah.
No, I fucked up the whole thing. You want my son to be sick.
Yeah, yeah. No, I fucked this whole thing up.
You're going to kill his son, big cat. I just remember promising a dog and being like walking away from the dinner.
This is going to be a hard conversation with the kids. Yeah.
I was like, why did I do that? That was really stupid of me. Why did I promise? Get him a reptile of some sort.
Maybe a snake. Okay.
That would really mess him up, actually. Probably don't be a snake guy.
We'll do turtles like Rocky Balboa. We'll do turtles.
I like that. So no dog.
Do you want my son to be sick? I mean have pills for that? Yeah, they have allergy pills. Oh, my God.
But your daughter, she wants a dog. She does.
When she asks, she usually gets what she wants. Okay, so let's get her.
So we're getting you a dog. Maybe a dog.
Yes, this is awesome. Sorry, son.
Yes, it's a dog. Sorry, son.
Well, maybe can we wait for her? Yeah, when he goes to college. Easy way to sort this out.

Which one's your favorite?

My daughter.

Okay.

The dog.

Anybody who has boys and girls, that's the easiest one.

Yeah, me as well.

But yes, yes.

Dog.

It's happening.

All right.

Done.

We've got it.

And I actually think this dog will bring you success coaching the Browns.

These dogs.

These dogs.

Yes, exactly.

Like, you can't be the Browns head coach and not have a dog.

I'm not going to disagree with that.

Right.

17-0 next year.

You said it, not us.

I think every – let me ask you this.

You said you were going to win every game.

Yeah, sure.

I mean, yeah.

What do guarantees mean in our profession?

That's true.

It gives us a lot to talk about.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you guaranteed 17-0.

Sure.

Well, no, in preseason, you said win every game. Yeah, that'd be great, too.
Oh, we're playing in the Hall of Fame game, so we score preseason games. Interesting.
Oh, yeah, Joe Thomas. Yes.
Yes. Magic legend.
Would you rather go undefeated in the regular season or go 10-7 and lose the Super Bowl? In the undefeated, do we win the Super Bowl in that one? No. In that scenario? No.
So neither scenario wins the Super Bowl? Yes, you just did two losing the Super Bowls. Yeah, well, the first one would be you lose in the first round of the playoffs, but you're undefeated in regular season.
These are tough ones. Man.
It's hard to think about two scenarios not winning the Super Bowl because then it doesn't matter. You're talking to two wrong guys because we've had a hypothetical going that we would rather have in the next 50 years lose 15 Super Bowls than win one and miss the playoffs all 49 other years.
Yeah, we would love to lose the Super Bowl. The Bears and Commanders are not good.
We'd love to lose the Super Bowl. That'd be sick.
That one team. That's what I was saying to somebody earlier.
what one of the things that motivates me is just jealousy yeah i'm just jealous i'm jealous of the guys that have won i'm jealous of them you know they've had the parade they got the ring like i'm very jealous i want that so badly yeah no i mean 15 nfc championship games that's pretty cool yeah like things that i sure, I'd love a Super Bowl. I'd love to have seven unicorns

and have rainbows shoot out of my ass.

But let's be realistic here. I'm not

ever going to win a Super Bowl. So let's be realistic

in your 15

championship game.

Those are some fun times.

I think you might be too

competitive to be a head coach.

I haven't heard that one yet.

You've got to want it a little less like us. Yeah, I mean, there's the Pete Carroll School of Thought, compete in everything you do.
Yeah. I think that's part of what we do as coaches and players.
Yeah, so we're in the School of Thought to compete at nothing. That way you can't fail.
Yeah. It's very smart.
Or only compete in stuff that you know ahead of time you're going to win. Right.
Is the NFL rigged? I've heard that. I haven't read the script for this season.
I'm excited to read it, though.

All right.

Well, Kevin, thank you so much.

Sorry about getting a dog, two dogs for your family.

Yeah.

But you're going to have to do it.

And thinking that your daughter's name was Stella.

Yeah, I don't know.

We were drinking at dinner, so that was my mistake.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But that's my fault.

So, yeah.

Two dogs, 17-0.

Thank you so much.

Speak it into existence. Yes.
Yes. Good luck this season.
Yes. Next next time we sit down it'll be only to sean questions i'm ready thanks guys brown's head coach kevin stefanski was brought to you by our great friends over over at top golf i love top golf if you're listening to this you've probably played a top golf've seen one.
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Okay, let's wrap up. We got guys on chicks.
Henry, get us going. Next Wednesday, we'll do March Madness etiquette FAQs.
Gambling FAQs. That'll be fun.
Get us ready for the... Also, schedule your vasectomies for the first weekend of March Madness.
Buddy, if you haven't. I get one every year.
It's late. It's way late.
This year I'm getting un-vasectomied, but every year all guys know time to get that shit snipped. They announced the broadcast teams, by the way, PFT, your guy, one and done on the desk, Rex Chapman.
Oh, damn. What a shame.
My guy. You're trying to put lib of the year on me now, Jay.
What a shame. I guess he's my guy.
Yeah, it was very funny seeing him on the desk last year because he was not fitting in. No.
At all. No.
Okay, Hank. Hi, boys.
I recently hooked up with a guy who's smoking hot. This is a dude.
It was casual, and we haven't really spoken since, which I'm cool with. But I'm invited to a friend's birthday party where my ex will be and I want him to make him jealous.
Should I text this new hot guy and invite him to come or will he think I'm obsessed with him and clingy what do you guys think? Fake. Hi.
Hey boys. When my boyfriend showers he doesn't wash his entire body just his hair, junk and chest.
When I him about it, he said that the runoff took care of everything else. Yes.
Is that common practice for guys or is he a weirdo? If he doesn't do his armpits, then that's a concern. That's true.
I would add- Armpits don't work. What do you mean? What? Let's unpack that.
You don't wash your armpits, Hank? That's the only one that was missing. If you have BO and you use soap from the shower yeah it does not work

what are you talking about you wash your armpits and then you put deodorant on afterwards right

if you don't put on deodorants after you still smell like shit correct but you start sweat you

get all you get all the stinky sweat off your armpits when you wash them and please tell me

you armpits don't work of course i wash my armpits whether it's not real armpits don't work

Thank you. the stinky sweat off your armpits when you wash them.
Please tell me you wash your armpits in the shower. Of course I wash my armpits in the shower.
Whether it's not real, armpits don't work. The Henry Lockwood method.
What do you use under your armpits? Deodorant. But I'm saying...
No, no, but soup. You do soup? Hotel soup? Yeah.
That doesn't get it done in your armpits? Not if you don't use deodorant. You'll smell good for an hour or two if you don't use deodorant you'll smell good for an hour or two like all right yeah you do need let me talk this out let me let me expand let me expand let me expand let me expand let me expand it's actually you know what yeah go off go off and we actually do have to do pft's gift to you as well so that might just be guys on chicks hear me out you have hair right yes we all have hair we're following for the time being if your hair smells let's call it normal okay baseline no smell no smelliness it's not clean it's not dirty you put in shampoo afterwards it smells nice your hair smells nice like that shampoo when you wash your hair it smells nice okay when you wash your armpit hair right the smell does not stick.
It doesn't do anything. Because you'll sweat.
Are you using wood, barstool branded? Wait, no, but it's because you sweat. No, I'm saying take a shower.
After you smell your armpits, it doesn't stick? No, take a shower, dry off, smell your armpits five minutes later. If I may.
It's not smelling the way your hair smells with shampoo. If I may.
When you wash your armpits, you're not shampooing your armpit hair. The stink comes from your sweat glands that are in your armpit.
That's why you are shampooing your armpit hair. But you don't have sweat glands in your head.
Yeah, you sweat from your armpit. But when you say you're not shampooing your armpit's hair, yes, you are.
He might be right. You shampoo your armpit hair? But that's not where the stink is coming from.
Hank be right The stink is coming from the sweat But when you stink from the conversation This is not about stink This is about if you, again Use shampoo in your hair and you will be able to smell The shampoo in your hair later in the day Is that because maybe there's more of it? Use shampoo in your armpits You will not be able to smell that one, there's more hair on your head. And two, because your sweat glands in your armpits make it stink.
You are. The stink is breaking your brain.
Remove stink from the conversation. You're talking about smell.
There was no stink, PFT. Forget about the stink.
I'm saying you need deodorant to make your armpits smell good. You don't need deodorant to make your hair smell good.

You just need the soap.

Why can't you use that same soap and it makes your armpit hair smell good?

Because you sweat through your armpits.

Remove the sweat from the conversation.

You can't have this conversation.

You're asking me why it's different on your head than your armpit. You shower.

You shampoo your armpits.

You get out.

You dry off.

No sweat involved.

You don't break a sweat. You go back in the bathroom 10 minutes later, smell your armpits.
It smells like nothing. You know what's happening right now, Big Cat? I'm J.J.
Redick, and he's Kendrick Perkins. Well, I was going to say that the big— I'm trying to explain it to you, but I'm realizing that you are sounding more right than I am.
I was going to say the biggest winner of this entire debate is Billy, because now the dumbest thing that we talked about on the show is not his presentation. Congrats, Billy.
I'm actually now getting it to a 4.0 balls. Hell yeah.
Hank, I'm an 80. There's less armpit hair, and so when you shampoo your armpit hair, there's not as much hair for it to retain the good smell of the shampoo.
Hank, when... Then why

can it retain deodorant?

Because the deodorant sticks

to your pores and clogs up your pores.

I personally don't have the answers for you, Hank, so I'm going to say you're right. This will prove it.

Hank, girls who shave

their armpits still can get BO.

Remove

the stink from the conversation.

There was no stink.

I don't know how to remove the stink from a conversation

about... Not with shampoo!

Not with shampoo! Remove the stink from the conversation There was no stink I don't know how to remove the stink From a conversation about Wait wait wait I don't know how to remove the stink from a conversation About why things smell bad I never said smell bad It just doesn't smell good Forget there was stink So scent You're talking about scent That's to stink. You're talking about the positive version of stink.
Hank. I'm talking about it.
The fragrance. The fragrance.
The fragrance. The hair on your head.
Yeah. Shampoo it.
Smells good. Hair in your armpits.
Shampoo it. Doesn't smell like anything.
Do you think that's because there's maybe like, I don't know, 1% of the hair in your armpits as there is on the top of your head? See, I'm with Hank. I mean, not for you.
I'm with Hank. He can't...
Oh, that was mean. No, I mean, I already brought it up, so Hank, just...
Hank, I'm with you. Be creative, Hank.
I don't have an answer to that. It's okay to not have an answer.
I appreciate your open mind. The armpits...
But you did call it stupid, so... Well, you know, this is...
It's very dumb. It is very dumb.
This might be the dumbest thing that you've ever said. No, I was saying the debate is dumb, not what you said, because I don't have an answer to what you said.
Are straws a hole? That was a pretty dumb one. Okay.
Two holes. Hey, do you want to do another guys and chicks, or should we just do the present? Let's do the present.
Yeah, all right. Yeah, yeah.
Last chance. Hey, Billy, Billy, what you saw right there, main difference between Hank and you, Hank put down the shovel.
Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm right, but it's like- I'm not saying you're right.
I'm not saying you're wrong. I don't- You have me confused.
I understand that. It's the chapstick thing, which people, like, it's like the same thing.
Like, they design these products so that you have to buy other products. Yeah, that's a fact.
There should theoretically be a soap that you can use that is also deodorant. You don't use five in one? Like, I've been in places where I forget my deodorant, and I'm like, I'll use shampoo soup, and it'll make my armpit smell good, and it doesn't work.
Yeah, because you sweat. But remove the stink.
I got it. Mm-hmm.
Okay. PFT, what did you get Hank?

No, but like...

Sorry, whatever, whatever.

I got Hank a bunch of right guard.

You need something to open.

Did you open it already?

$200 without seeing it.

Will you take the deal?

So this billy wants to buy this.

Wait, wait, wait.

Let's set the table here.

I lost a bowling match against Hank by a considerable amount.

Considerable.

And then I tried to double down on it because the bet was that I would buy Hank $100 worth

I'm going to go ahead. I lost a bowling match against Hank by a considerable amount.
Considerable. And then I tried to double down on it because the bet was that I would buy Hank $100 worth of Southwestern merchandise in Arizona.
I lost the second game, doubled down, so now that we're up to $200 worth. Oh, shit.
Spilled water all over everything. My report.
Do we have something? Oh, there's dip in it. Give us a towel.
It's not dip. There is in it.
BFT's not messy, just so we know. I'm not.
This happens all the time on his side. It's a giant box.
This is the first time I've spilled anything in here. So it's actually $400 worth of Southwest merchandise.
I'd like you to open it. You also get $200 that you can take from Billy right now.
Only if I get it. Yeah.
You can either get what's in the box or $200. Okay.
He's coming over to open it. Careful.
I think you need a screwdriver here Yeah it came in a shady wooden box So we're going to have to break the box What's in the box? It's fragile You see the screws? He's untaping it Be sure to watch this on YouTube Actually Billy can you run into the control room and get their hammer? Yeah. They have a hammer in there.
Oh, where's the axe? Oh, yeah, where is the axe? Axe it opened, Billy. I took it away from Billy.
This is your big moment at Billy. I didn't think he was prepared to handle an axe.
That's not going to work. It was a nice try.
Hey, Hank. What do you think it is Hank? Throw it

There we go

That was easy

I'm a man

Fucking just broke that box

Hope everyone's watching on YouTube

What?

Don't get splinters

Oh shut up Jake

Now we're done man

I'm going to go ahead and get it. Shut up, Jake.
Now we're done, man.

Well, I just opened it.

We already got it, Billy.

Give me the pussy.

The axe is no longer necessary.

I did it with my hands, Billy.

I wish you had seen how strong I looked.

Watch on the YouTube.

All right?

He's unwrapping it.

I think this is the gift.

It's a giant dildo. Oh, wow.
What is it? It's always bad when- Oh! I love these bubbles. Oh! Look at this, Hank! Oh, it needs to be assembled.
No, it doesn't. It's already assembled.
Oh my god, Hank. This is beautiful.
It's a, what, some kind of skull?

Oh, wow.

It's a cow skull.

And then, wait, Hank, it does, you need to put the horns on.

That's fucking sick, Hank.

How metal is that?

What do you think, Hank?

Good job not taking Billy's $200.

Billy, did you know what it was?

Yeah.

Oh, that's bullshit. Billy really wanted it.
Hank. This is sick.
You actually like it? Yeah. All right, I'm glad.
Some nice home decor. Would you have taken $200 for it? No, definitely not.
What if that is the thing that makes him good at the lottery ball? It's actually haunted. Okay, good.
Because I was going to say we're going to. What is it? Hank, if you get the lottery ball this time, I'm smashing that.
Deal? No. Yes.
You have to buy it for me. For $200? $400.
$200. No, no deal.
Okay. You're not going to get it anyway.
Okay. You want to say anything about it? It is a skull.
It's got some cool design, some blue stones, very Arizona vibe. Turtoys.
You did a great job with the bet, and now I will Venmo you. $1,300? $1,300.
$1,300. Okay.
Well, the commander's bet. The commander's bet, yeah.
Yeah. That's going to happen.

That's going to hit.

That's just future money. That's money in the bank.

I might take a loan out on that.

That's a great investment.

Okay.

Great show, everyone.

We did everything in this show.

I feel like it took many twists and turns.

Very fun show.

Hank, have you ever gotten the lottery ball?

No.

Okay.

Numbers?

16.

17.

Oh, you're back on 17.

18.

Are you deaf?

What did you guess last week on Monday?

I forget.

What did you guess?

I don't know.

I don't record guesses.

Anyone remember?

Damn.

I'm going to go.

Come on.

Tell me what you guessed.

I'm going to listen back.

15.

I think it was 15.

Was it 15?

Was that last show for Anthony Richardson?

Oh.

Was it?

Yeah.

He's plus 350, by the way.

All right.

I'll go 15.

I'm going to go.

20.

77.

I'll never forgive you, PFT, if he gets it On this one 85 Damn Not even The more things change the more they stay the same I'm trying to name Never going to get it. Breaking Moose.

Name it Never Going to Get It.

Love you guys.

Platypuses have a poisonous spike in their back leg.

Hell yeah. I'm talking away.

I don't know what to say.

I'd say it anyway.

Today is my day to find you shining. I'm coming for your lover.
Thank you. Life is okay Say unto me At least we're better to be safe than sorry Say unto me At least we're better to be safe than sorry Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Good answer! I'm the dreamer.
Just to blame my worries away You are the things I've got to remember When you shine away I'll be coming for you anyway When you shine away I'll be coming for you anyway Take on Take on Take on Take on Hold me! Take me on me. Take me on.

Take me on. I'll make you.

Take me on.

Take me on.

Take me on.

Take me on. Take me on