Bert Kreischer, The Boys Are Back From Vacation And We Recap All The Sports We Missed

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we are back in studio, back from vacation, back from Dungeons and Dragons. Hope everyone enjoyed it.
We have Burt Kreischer on the show in person

Speaker 1 from Super Bowl Week. Great interview with him catching up.
We're going to talk about everything that happened since we've been gone.

Speaker 1 We've had some coach hirings, some coach weird videos, some NBA all-star stuff, Mac McClung.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 I love the solve work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all of the songs. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Electric. Part of my take

Speaker 2 presented by Barstamps.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take. Today is Monday, February 20th, and the vacation boys are back.
Let's go.

Speaker 1 Rested, feeling good, little tan, feeling irie.

Speaker 1 Vacation boys are back. How was everyone's vacation? It was great.

Speaker 2 It was an awesome. I had a little trip down to the sun.
Said hello to old Ray Baker. Got reacquainted with an old friend.
Yeah. It was a blast.
Hung out.

Speaker 2 I see what vacations are all cracked up about now. Like, I get it, Hank.
I understand. I played a little golf.
I'm a big-time parvert now. I got the bug.
I got the golf bug. That's my big takeaway.

Speaker 2 You let me take one vacation and play golf for about six hours, and all of a sudden I'm like fully in, fully back in on golf.

Speaker 1 PFT has the golf bug so much so that he texted everyone and was like, let's play on Friday. Yeah.
And we all were like, and Hank was like, yeah, we can go. There's a simulator in Hoboken.

Speaker 1 And he's like, no, no, I want to play outside. We were like.
It is still winter. Yeah.
Ain't no hobby, big cat.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to get back out on the course.

Speaker 1 You're like, wait, are golf courses closed during the winter?

Speaker 2 I played one practical section of golf in Mexico, and I came back.

Speaker 1 Why don't we play up here more? There are some that are open, but the majority do close during winter.

Speaker 2 Well, billion-dollar idea on my part: an indoor golf course. I like it.
Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Elon. Yeah, fuck the simulator.

Speaker 2 Instead of paying $44 billion to ruin a website, how about you build a fucking indoor golf course?

Speaker 1 They have the at the American Dream Mall over in New Jersey. They have an indoor

Speaker 1 water park. They have a water park and they also have a ski mountain.
Why not indoor golf course? Indoor golf course.

Speaker 2 Do we just break the rules of sports?

Speaker 1 Let's fucking do it. Why not? I mean, it also would probably be good because you probably would, in terms of like the footprint of it, you'd put nets up on each hole.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you can't go out of bounds. You can't go OB.
And check this out. Walls up on each hole.
Yeah. Oh, so you can play off the walls.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 So indoors, right? We're turning into the water.

Speaker 1 I mean, nets are cheaper than walls, I would assume, but yeah.

Speaker 2 This is now turning into dude perfect.

Speaker 1 This is dude perfect. What part of the nets don't you understand?

Speaker 1 where what's on the side what do you mean it's like hole one and there's a big net on the on the right side like you're at a driving range so you're outside two dude you're describing being outside no no it's inside there's a roof over your head so there are walls what's on the sides yeah there's that's that's

Speaker 2 outside the entire course there's a wall yeah

Speaker 1 that's true a big beautiful but the nets are in the inside oh okay yeah we're on the same page yeah i thought you were saying the nets are the sides here's no no no that would be outdoors yeah right that would be like the stupid

Speaker 2 outdoor batting cages yeah yeah exactly here's here's another wrinkle that what if you just put a screen and you can like hit into it no and that tells you no no no there's nothing like seeing your hank you don't understand the joy of seeing your balls flying out there it's watching them fade away into the distance is a beautiful sight i here's another wrinkle that i just thought of right now make the holes bigger yeah big holes like baseball i'm i'm all in on the new bases big bigger holes maybe like a windmill somewhere in there yeah well yeah

Speaker 1 we play foot golf but we're with regular golf. Yeah, no, I've done fools.
I've done foot golf before. Makes fun of clubs comically large.
Yeah. I like this.
Yeah, this sounds like a great idea.

Speaker 1 Hank, sorry. I wanted to hear how your vacation was.
I know he's going to say too short. Go ahead.
How was your vacation?

Speaker 9 It was short. It flies by.

Speaker 1 You guys know it's like all of a sudden you blink and it's over.

Speaker 3 You're playing home and you're like, damn.

Speaker 7 Damn. I wish I was playing golf again tomorrow.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sucks. I actually think that my body was starting to reject vacation.
I started sneezing on my last day of vacation. I was like, get back to work.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Did you party? You partied that hard?

Speaker 1 No, I didn't party at all. I slept an insane amount.

Speaker 1 No alarm clocks feels good. Yeah.
It was, one day I think I slept like 12 hours, which that fucked me up.

Speaker 2 A couple of things I got really into this week. I'm a big whale guy now.
Nice. I saw a few whales jumping around, jumping out of the water, breaching, mating, fighting.

Speaker 1 What? No, that's good. I love whales too.
That is Hank's thing. Hank, that was the highest point.
Wait, Hank every day.

Speaker 2 Hank, you love whales?

Speaker 1 Oh, you don't even follow this story. Slow-mo, bro.

Speaker 2 I was off the grid. I was.

Speaker 7 No, but he's been doing this.

Speaker 1 I was zero darting. He's been doing it since his pick of the slow-mo, the Mount Rushmore Slow-Mo.
Oh, okay. That's fine.

Speaker 1 Literally every day. Every day.
You're right. Every day.
Whales are Celtics. Whales and golf.
A whale breaching. Yeah, whales and golf.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 I'm making one about the Celtics this year. Here are three things I got into: whales, golf, and vacation.

Speaker 1 Jason Tatum. I'm turning into Hank.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 My ass started to dissolve.

Speaker 1 This whole thing is a troll.

Speaker 1 Can't keep my pants up now it was good being on vacation i also shout out mexico the entire country yeah what a delightful place shout out i was in the bahamas i was at uh i i was no kids so it was nice but there were kids at the resort and i still got bullied by kids so i was there was a water park at the resort and there was like two options to go down and i was like well i want to do the one that's not as fucking crazy and like a group of 10 year old kids were like dude you're such a pussy we've been doing this all day and I was by myself.

Speaker 1 I was like, what the fuck? So I can't escape that.

Speaker 1 That part was no different than my regular life. Yeah.
But yeah, vacation was great. It was great.
It was fantastic. Let's do another one.

Speaker 1 I'll double.

Speaker 2 I like working. It's not that much.
Yeah. So one thing I do realize being away from work is that I really do love working.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So I like working.
Oh, yeah. You love working.
It's so much you miss Tuesday's show.

Speaker 2 By the end of the week.

Speaker 1 You told me I could.

Speaker 2 What happens is you get all these takes that get bottled up inside you when you're watching sports. You're paying attention to what's going on in the world.

Speaker 2 and you need to have an outlet because we can't really talk in real life the same way that we do on this podcast because people would just think that we're insane. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I just, I have all these bottled-up takes that just start to, if you don't use them, it's like a tree falling in the forest situation. It's a fact.

Speaker 1 Billy, you're...

Speaker 10 I got a vacation take. Yeah.
Take a thought of over vacation. Christian Yelich looks like Jackson Mahomes.

Speaker 1 Oh, Christian Yelich coming up on the show. That's a vacation take.
That is a vacation take. One that probably should have stayed on vacation.

Speaker 2 Who eats more ass?

Speaker 1 No comment. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so yeah,

Speaker 1 we do have things that happened.

Speaker 1 I guess the first story is the NBA Slam Dunk contest is back. Mac McClung has saved it.

Speaker 1 Philly finally has a championship. Shout out.
Title Town. Almost Title Town, which that's, I don't know if you've noticed, but that's what Max is now rebranding it.

Speaker 1 Almost Title Town because they almost win everything. But Mac McClung.
Like, it was legitimately. I watched it, and he did,

Speaker 1 in the lead up, it was very funny watching people realize who Mac McClung is because if you watch college basketball, Georgetown and Texas Tech, but then he also, like, he went viral when he was in high school for having insane hops.

Speaker 1 So the lead up to the dunk contest, he was guaranteeing that he was going to put on a show, and then he put it on, and everyone's like, who the fuck is this guy? It's Mac McClung. He's a legend.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and also it's going to be just great looking back on the history of Slam Dunk winners. Mac McClung, big-time combo breaker on that list.

Speaker 1 Yes. Well, hopefully he gets...
I actually actually read this long story about him. I mean, shout out Mac McClung because he turned down,

Speaker 1 it was like over a million dollars to play in Turkey this year, but he wants to play in the NBA. So he's been on a bunch of G-League teams, a bunch of preseason teams, summer league teams.

Speaker 1 He scored his first points with the Bulls. I remember that.
It was like last year. He's been on some two-way contracts.
So shout out Mac McClung.

Speaker 1 Like, Tront, he basically said, if I go to Turkey, I can make a million bucks, but I'm not going to get better and I'm not going to be in front of the NBA like coaches.

Speaker 1 And he's just been grinding it out, playing in, I think the article quoted 150 different teammates and 30 different locations he's played in three different countries in the last like 18 months.

Speaker 2 He's grinding. Good for him.
And every now and again, you have a slam dunk contest, which delivers on the hype where you see some seriously new creative dunks.

Speaker 2 And then you get the nice afterglow of it where they ask all the A-listers, well, now you got to be in it, right? Now,

Speaker 2 did this breathe new life into you? I think LeBron did that maybe 10 years ago. Well, it was a great slam dunk contest, and he goes, yeah, for sure, guaranteed.
I'm going to be in it next year.

Speaker 2 And then next year comes around, he's like, yeah,

Speaker 2 I'd rather not risk injury.

Speaker 1 Well, and it's also every like Kevin Duran also had a speech where he's like, more of the big-time players need to be involved in all-star weekend.

Speaker 1 Not me, because I'm a little older right now, but he also had, I think he had an interview where he said, getting the trades and players being able to be traded at any moment makes the league more exciting.

Speaker 1 So that's a nice spin zone to what's gone on with his career the last five years.

Speaker 2 I would like to see Boban in the slam dunk competition. Yeah.
Where he doesn't even jump.

Speaker 1 Or Bull Bull. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just Taco Fall.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Mo Bamba.

Speaker 2 Get all the real freaks out there.

Speaker 1 It should be the

Speaker 2 jumping allowed, though. No jumping allowed.
Standing dunks only.

Speaker 1 It should be a team competition. It should be the three tallest and three shortest guys.
I like that. That would be fun.

Speaker 2 Bring back the freak show element of the NBA.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's the three tallest guys, but they're teamed up. Each tall guy gets a short guy.
Oh, yeah. So it's like the Altuve judge picture every time they go up

Speaker 2 and they have to do a tandem dunk.

Speaker 1 I like that. Harry and Marv.
Yeah. Just dunking.
That plays.

Speaker 2 Like, that's 90% of the formula of this podcast for success. Yeah.
One big guy and one little weird guy. Yeah.
And then you just get up there and magic happens. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We still do have to do the switch where I lose a ton of weight and you get really fat. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If anybody wants to sponsor us, if there's some sort of nutrition company and they want to sponsor me and Big Cat meeting at what,

Speaker 2 210?

Speaker 1 I think we originally said 200. I think 200,

Speaker 1 I will never hit 200

Speaker 1 unless I have a terrible, terrible disease. I think I'm what I don't.
But I don't think that 200 is in my realm of possibility anymore. So 210.

Speaker 2 You could get to 210. Yeah.
I could get to 210. Met Shannon Sharp if you saw me 210.
Oh, I double-cheeked up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Boy.
That would actually be a very funny visual. So maybe we should do that.
I could take that new drug all the hot bodies are taking. Cocaine.
No, insulin. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They've just made insulin insulin cool they've just made hey remember when all those people with diabetes needed insulin let's just let's just take all their insulin and get skinny i'm trying to think what the healthiest way for me to get to 210 pounds i don't think that there is healthy wayshakes i know that's the coolest part of anyone who's trying to pack on weight they're just like i have to drink milkshakes all day the dr nick riviera solution of you rub it against a piece of paper if the paper turns clear that is your window to weight gain yes i think we could do it yeah i mean it would be a fun thing that we put on the bucket list hank's gonna to get up to 200 pounds, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hank, you got this.
Sure. 210.
Yeah, 2 tabs would be Shellen.

Speaker 1 All right. So, yeah, we had Slam Dunk contests.
We're watching the

Speaker 1 All-Star game, which is very funny because it's just not even basketball. I don't even care.
Like, I don't like the old man take. Like, I remember when the NBA All-Star game meant something.

Speaker 1 I think it's just funny watching them run up and down, seeing who can, you know, hit the longest three and who can have the craziest dunk. It's not even close to basketball.

Speaker 2 It's It's very fun. This makes the Pro Bowl look like a defensive struggle.
Yeah. It's very funny.
And they'll start to play maybe with five minutes left. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They'll play a little bit of defense, but it was funny how the pregame and the draft and everything, the festivities leading up to it, took about three and a half hours. It was so long.

Speaker 2 And there was such a buildup. And then they get out there and there's just absolutely zero, there's zero defense being played.
It doesn't look like real basketball.

Speaker 1 And they made the draft so that no one's feelings got hurt. And then they just did the meanest thing ever to Lori Markinen, where it was they drafted the reserves first.
So who was the last reserve?

Speaker 1 Who was the last reserve who got picked? Jackson. Earlier, he was the first reserve.

Speaker 1 He was the first reserve that got picked.

Speaker 1 No, that was the last. No, no, no.
He was the last reserve. So he was the last pick.
So we had two last picks. And then they drafted all the starters.
And Jokic was second to last.

Speaker 1 And when he was second to last, he just stood up and started walking towards LeBron. And Lori, who's

Speaker 1 a jazz player, was just sitting there like, fuck. I guess it is me.
So good job, Adam Silver.

Speaker 2 You made two guys have their feelings hurt. It's funny how they were just trying to not have the last picks in there.

Speaker 2 It's going to happen. Somebody's going to be last picked no matter what.

Speaker 1 Also, that's why we're watching. Yes.
We watch for the last pick to be like, haha, last pick.

Speaker 2 Also, shout out Julius Randall for his performance in a three-point contest.

Speaker 1 Shout out his son.

Speaker 2 His son crying

Speaker 2 after he was done. Like, no, during, too.
It was while he was shooting.

Speaker 1 Even though he was doing faces while he was shooting, like, ugh, gross.

Speaker 2 And then he cried afterwards. But people forget.
People forget. You know who the worst performance ever in the NBA three-point contest belongs to? Who? All-time.
Guess.

Speaker 2 I'm going to give you one guess. Hank, you can get a guess too.

Speaker 1 I don't know. What year? Ish.

Speaker 2 This might give it away. It was 1990.

Speaker 2 Worst performance ever in the NBA three-point contest.

Speaker 1 Carl Malone.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I almost said a joke that I would have to have you bleep out right there.

Speaker 2 Michael Jordan.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to say MJ.

Speaker 1 What was his final?

Speaker 2 He had five points.

Speaker 2 He made five points in it. Yeah.
And then Herder, I think Herter got eight points.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, but that was all was the money ball?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they had the money ball.

Speaker 1 Nah, I don't think they had the real money ball.

Speaker 2 The money ball.

Speaker 1 The real money ball, no. No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was the money ball. So

Speaker 2 Jordan is the worst ever in the actual,

Speaker 1 unlike these other guys who won't fucking play. That's

Speaker 1 in the three-point contests? Oh, how many

Speaker 1 risk injuries? How many three-point contests has LeBron been in?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Zero.

Speaker 1 How many Slam Dunn contests has he been in? Zero. Zero.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's your legacy. The guy who wouldn't even compete.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but Jordan put up a whopping five.

Speaker 1 The guy who wouldn't even compete.

Speaker 2 His shots were close.

Speaker 2 I actually watched all of Jordan's shots in that contest.

Speaker 1 A lot of them. I thought that was the answer.
I just didn't want it to be the answer.

Speaker 2 They were off the inside of the rim. He wasn't air balling many.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So, yeah, it was fun watching the entire NBA All-Star.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Anyone else have any thoughts?

Speaker 2 I have a thought experiment. I actually just mentioned this to Billy as we were walking down the hallway.

Speaker 2 If you were to sub out offense and defense, so the NBA players, they get to play offense. So when their team has the ball, it's the guys from the All-Star team.

Speaker 2 And they're going up against five former high school basketball players, like out-of-shape basketball players.

Speaker 2 Do you think that those guys would do a better job playing defense than the All-Stars are doing in the NBA? Ooh.

Speaker 1 It would be more fun to watch.

Speaker 2 It'd be awesome to watch.

Speaker 1 Guys getting gassed and like turning their ankles. Yeah, getting down.

Speaker 2 That's all I want to see is people just Kyrie going up against a 40-year-old out-of-shape accountant. Yeah.
I would love to see that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, just to fact-check, Detlas Tremp also had five points in 1988.

Speaker 2 Wait, was that before the Money Ball?

Speaker 1 I think that was before

Speaker 1 the Money Ball. That was before the Money Ball.
Let's just erase this from memory. So, because I clearly have.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, that would be very funny, though, watching guys just run up and down, like, tap their head after. Because realistically...

Speaker 2 Slam the floor on defense.

Speaker 1 That's the other thing. It's like most people,

Speaker 1 I think that it gets lost on some people how big an NBA court is.

Speaker 1 So if you have to run up and down, because a lot, you know, like if you play pickup or if you do, if you do anything post-college, you're playing on a court that's probably not an NBA-sized court, and you're also not running up and down with these athletes.

Speaker 1 You would, it would probably be like three times. You'd be like, I'm done.
Yeah. I'm gassed.
I'm out of this. It's no, no moss.
Hank, how long do you think you could last?

Speaker 1 Two. By the way, I shot 10 free throws in the sun in the Bahamas, rebounding myself eight for 10.
Cap.

Speaker 1 Well, it happened. Sure.
So I don't know. Was it on camera? It actually was.

Speaker 7 Was it being live streamed in front of thousands?

Speaker 1 Yes, it was. It was on Bahamian TV.
Got it. So you're going to have to go find it.

Speaker 1 All right, what else do we have that happened in the sports world?

Speaker 2 We had a great quote from LeBron.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So LeBron was asked about what he plans on doing for the rest of the season, how to make the Lakers competitive, if he's giving up on this season or not.

Speaker 2 He said, not being part of the postseason for two years straight, that's not in my DNA. So one year is fine, but two years not in LeBron's DNA.

Speaker 2 And he said, these are going to be the 23 most important games of my career after the All-Star break. So I don't know if the all-star game counts.

Speaker 2 Maybe he has 22 of the most important games of his career afterwards.

Speaker 1 Definitely. I like that he said the 23 most important games as if he's going to play all 23.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, it sounds like he is.

Speaker 1 I don't think so. I did

Speaker 1 out.

Speaker 2 Did he stutter when he said that missing the postseason two years straight is not in his DNA?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going to just say right now, I don't think he's going to play all 23. Are they in 13th right now? They're in 13th right now.

Speaker 1 But they still, there's the West has like basically everyone has a chance at making the playoffs. I'm going to tell you right now, PFT, I'm just going to look at the schedule for the Lakers.

Speaker 1 I'm going to tell you exactly where LeBron, so he's got 23 games left, the 23 most important games.

Speaker 8 Only two out of the playing game.

Speaker 1 Only two out in the playing game.

Speaker 2 If you think that Adam Silver isn't going to move hell in high waters, make sure that LeBron James gets into that play-in tournament.

Speaker 1 Wednesday, March 15th, he's not going to play. He's got Tuesday, March 14th at New Orleans, Wednesday, March 15th at Houston.

Speaker 1 Back to back. That will be a load management and also a game that the Lakers should be able to win.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that will be a load management game. So 22.
We're down to 22 already.

Speaker 1 And there's probably a couple more that you could look in there and be like, yeah, look, he's got to play at Utah Tuesday, April 4th, and then at the Clippers Wednesday, April 5th.

Speaker 1 That's going to be load management 21.

Speaker 2 If he makes the play-in tournament, he's counting that as the postseason, right? Yeah. Okay.
Oh, definitely. Just making sure.
Definitely.

Speaker 1 He got no one believed in them.

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Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 We had

Speaker 2 anything is possible.

Speaker 1 We had Jonathan Gannon get hired by the Cardinals, and then we knew that before we left, but he also had an introductory press conference and video that

Speaker 2 did you watch it?

Speaker 2 I saw the intro.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did you watch the video of him walking around? Yeah.

Speaker 1 A couple things. One,

Speaker 1 the good news for Max. Jonathan Gannon might have been the weird cringiness that was in the Eagles' locker room.
Maybe Mixiriani might have shed like a snake-shedding skin.

Speaker 1 That might have been the corny skin that he just shedded. He also had, he looked up and down every player he dapped up with in an uncomfortable way.

Speaker 1 And then he went up to Rondell Moore and said, boo, boo, boo, boo, shots. We're going to take a lot of shots.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I felt so bad for Rondell Moore in that moment where he's like, my boss, what is he doing right now?

Speaker 1 It was the office.

Speaker 2 When I saw that, it reminded me of Dennis Rodman talking about rebounding. Yeah.
And how to position yourself. Rondell Moore was just looking at him like,

Speaker 2 I want to laugh at this guy, but he is literally going to determine my future as a player.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, okay, coach. Yeah,

Speaker 2 nice to meet you, too.

Speaker 1 There were a lot of people who are like, oh, this is, they hired Michael Scott. I don't think they did.

Speaker 1 I think they hired D'Angelo Vickers, where like it was late season office, and we're like, what are we supposed to laugh? What's going on here?

Speaker 2 He is a fan of the American Southwest. Yes.
That's his one major character.

Speaker 2 So they got Gannon. That must have been very awkward for Gannon, who had to go in for, I think, his last interview

Speaker 2 the day after he lost the Super Bowl

Speaker 2 and just be constantly reminded of what. Do they, after that performance, do you think the Cardinals thought to themselves, maybe

Speaker 2 this isn't the guy? I mean, yeah,

Speaker 1 there was definitely a part of that second half where even our beloved Max said, what the fuck is Gannon doing? Why isn't he making any adjustments? So that told you a lot. He also,

Speaker 1 I found this out by tweeting that it made me cringe. I guess there are a lot of Cardinals fans that think that we

Speaker 1 and Barstool in general have it out for the Cardinals. So, I didn't, I had no idea.
My blinders were on for this. That's true.
That's true.

Speaker 1 So, so they're like, You guys just always shit on the Cardinals. I was like, Do we? I think we shit on everyone.
Then, this one guy presented a thread.

Speaker 1 I guess a Cardinals like super fan or something has been documenting it. All the tweets from the main account making fun of Kyler Murray.
And yeah, I had no idea. So, because

Speaker 1 those guys do a really good job of just getting jokes off, and Kyler Murray is, I mean, he's got a lot of material to work with.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we had a very,

Speaker 2 it was fertile ground for finding things to make fun of Kyler Murray for for the last, I don't know, 18 months, 19 months.

Speaker 2 There's not like a lot of positive stuff that you could say about Kyler Murray recently. He had that one awesome comeback against the Raiders.
Yeah. Right? There was that.

Speaker 1 He makes some really cool plays.

Speaker 1 I still think he's a very good quarterback.

Speaker 2 Ish. Very good.

Speaker 1 Ish. Do you let me finish?

Speaker 2 Ish. I was going to say

Speaker 2 very ish.

Speaker 1 Very good quarterback. He has very good quarterback moments.

Speaker 2 Very good-ish.

Speaker 1 He definitely has very good quarterback moments.

Speaker 2 He does. He flashes.

Speaker 1 He flashes.

Speaker 1 His peak is as high as anyone else. Yeah.
Yeah. But

Speaker 1 I just bring it up because I know, you know, we've been doing this show for a very long time. I know, like, if I see a Packers fan, like, they're going to be like, why are you shit on?

Speaker 1 Like, well, there's a reason why. Vikings fans, there's like, there's different fan bases.
Like, I know that

Speaker 1 they think that we pick on them. I didn't have the Cardinals on my list.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 That was a total blind spot by me.

Speaker 2 I guess maybe you've missed those meetings where we sat with Jay Snowden and Dave and Erica and they said,

Speaker 2 give me your quota to make sure that you hit, make sure that you've made fun of Cliff Kingsbury six times this week.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So

Speaker 1 I'm not going to apologize because I don't think there's anything to apologize for. I'm just more.
going to say,

Speaker 1 I see your hurt, Cardinals fans.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 I acknowledge your hurt.

Speaker 2 It's hard to really say anything otherwise about the Cardinals and their performances as of recently, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They've been a very funny team to make fun of.
Yeah. Oh, J.
Very funny team.

Speaker 2 We treated J.J. Watts so nicely.
Absolutely. So nice.
Former Cardinals. Some would say too nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Some would.

Speaker 2 Maybe they're just hearing you talk about the St. Louis Cardinals, and they just hear Cardinals, and they're like, someone pointed that out.

Speaker 1 That's probably it. Someone pointed that out.
They're like, are you talking about Big Cat being an asshole about the St. Louis Cardinals? Because that's true.

Speaker 1 But I don't remember him doing anything mean to the Arizona Cardinals. But again, I'm not going to apologize.
I'm just going to acknowledge we hear you.

Speaker 2 That's like somebody saying.

Speaker 1 And we're not going to change anything.

Speaker 2 Like, how come you guys never say anything nice about the Buffalo Sabres?

Speaker 1 Right. Right.

Speaker 2 You tell me where to start.

Speaker 1 When's the last time you guys covered the fucking Florida Panthers? Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah.

Speaker 8 Those are closest NHL team, the Wingnuts.

Speaker 1 Who? The Sabres. Yeah.

Speaker 9 That's very true.

Speaker 1 Ed and Alicia having the picture, the Valentine's, they had Valentine's t-shirts. Yeah.
Said, I'm nuts for you. I want one of those.
It was beautiful. It looked awesome.
But yeah, so Cardinals fans,

Speaker 1 your coach is weird. And that's another thing.
We always make fun of weird new coaches. Of course.
Remember Adam Gaze's press conference? It was high on drugs?

Speaker 2 Allegedly.

Speaker 1 Allegedly. But yeah, we're going to.

Speaker 1 I mean, Jonathan Gannon, I actually want to say right now, Jonathan Gannon, we don't want him on the show until he proves a year of being a good coach and not a weirdo because we can't hack it ourselves again.

Speaker 1 No, we learned our lesson. We don't want to do that.

Speaker 2 We learned our lesson from last year. We learned our lesson.

Speaker 1 Any new coach, let's give it a year so we can tee off on them if they fuck up.

Speaker 2 What's the name of the coach that is now on? He's coaching the Colts now. Is it Steichen?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Max?

Speaker 11 Correct.

Speaker 1 Shane Steichen. Shane Steichen.
Also, don't want him on.

Speaker 2 Steichen, to me,

Speaker 2 he looks a lot like Gannon, doesn't he?

Speaker 11 I like Steichen better than Gannon. I'll say that.

Speaker 2 They just, like, like, visually, I'm going to have a hard time when the coach's picture comes out distinguishing between Gannon and Steichen because Steichen looks like Gannon after five years of thinking about what he did in the Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 Just like a little more emaciated version of him.

Speaker 11 I will say Gannon is starting with the Cardinals basically the exact same way Sirianni started with the Eagles.

Speaker 1 That's true. That's true.
So there's a spin zone.

Speaker 11 There's a spin zone for the Cardinals. That is true.

Speaker 1 Like he goes.

Speaker 1 We make a lot of flash judgments with head coaches. Sometimes they are completely wrong because I remember when Nick Siriani got hired, we all made fun of him because his press conference to start

Speaker 1 was terrible. Horrible.
Terrible.

Speaker 11 Part of me thinks Siriani told him to start that way because it's the exact same thing that happened.

Speaker 1 I love, though,

Speaker 1 the old saying, don't judge a book by its cover. That's bullshit.
You judge every book by its cover. That's our job.
Like when Ben McAdoo comes out in his dad's suit, I'm like, that guy can't coach.

Speaker 2 When Mike McDonald or Mike McDaniel was on that plane ride to Miami and he was talking to Tua on the phone. Yeah.
And he was high as fuck.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I'm going to jump it. I'm going to judge.
I'm going to judge it.

Speaker 2 And you know what? That's what? Sometimes it's fun to judge.

Speaker 1 That's exactly what we should do. Like, we should just be like, yeah, look at him.
He's an idiot. He doesn't know how to coach.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Judging a book by its cover and sometimes reading the about the author jacket.
Yeah. That's basically as far as I go when it comes to reading.

Speaker 1 And if it has a prologue, I hate the book already. Don't make me do extra work.

Speaker 2 I was reading a book the other day, not to brag. It had a prologue.
It had an introduction. And then it had like pre-footnotes

Speaker 2 with a bunch of maps and stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, because and you know what's bullshit is when they do the prologue and they don't number those pages, yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I want to get some work done, I want to, yeah, I want to be to page 20 when I'm when I skip the prologue. I want to be like, wow, I'm already a quarter of the way through this book.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I want credit for everything that I've read.

Speaker 1 I just admitted to reading books that are like 100 pages long, 80 pages long.

Speaker 1 I've been reading a

Speaker 1 book called Reading Game of Thrones. That was a complete cell phone.

Speaker 2 I've been reading a book called Hitler and Stalin.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 It's a good brand for you.

Speaker 2 It's a really, really good book.

Speaker 1 What do you get? A guy who has it all? You get him a Hitler and Stalin.

Speaker 2 A Hitler and Stalin book. And at the start of it, it said on the praise for page, it just said praise for Hitler and Stalin.
Oh, which was a pretty bad way to title that introduction.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did they at least put the Hitler and Stalin in quotes?

Speaker 2 No, it was just Praise for Hitler and Stalin.

Speaker 2 That's a big time, that's a jimbo on the part of the publisher. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's Bobby Hull's book. Oh, also,

Speaker 2 I got Bienname.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Eugene. I got Bienemi.

Speaker 2 As first reported on part of my take like three weeks ago, I got the system. Patrick Mahomes is a system quarterback.
Now I have the system. Yeah.
The system is mine.

Speaker 2 And Sam Howell, MVP season coming on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I'm rooting for Eric Bienemi because it does feel like at this point that he's not. How many, what was it, like 17 head coaching job interviews? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I still.

Speaker 2 They said the first 16 are the hardest.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I'm rooting for him, and it does.

Speaker 1 It's an uphill battle for him because there isn't a quarterback. Yeah.
Well. There's some good receivers, so that'll be good.

Speaker 2 He's got good receivers. Sam Howell was projected by many

Speaker 2 to be the number one overall pick a couple years ago.

Speaker 1 And Carson Wentz is still on the roster.

Speaker 2 Well, for another couple weeks. I think so.

Speaker 2 I'm already dreading our sit-down with Schefter that we're going to have at the combine because you know that he's loaded up on some bullshit news that he's got to piss me off.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Wait, is he still, is he going to get cut?

Speaker 2 He's going to get cut. Are you officially? Officially, I hope to God he's going to get cut.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do a quick look of his cap hit. Yeah.
I'm hoping that he doesn't get cut.

Speaker 2 That'd be funny. Heineki's a free agent.
Carson Wentz is going to get cut. Trust me.

Speaker 1 He will earn a $20 million base salary. Roster bonus is $6 million.
carrying a cap hit of $26 million.

Speaker 2 Yeah. If he doesn't get cut, I'll pull a biz.
I'll say if Carson Wentz doesn't get cut by the commanders,

Speaker 2 I will get uncircumcised.

Speaker 1 Yeah, potential out 2023. All right, so he's going to get cut.
Yeah. Yeah, he's definitely going to get cut.
All right, so congratulations.

Speaker 1 As first reported by, pardon my take, Carson Wentz has been cut. That's my Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 A couple other things.

Speaker 1 We have one update to Sodgate, Max. You'll like this.

Speaker 1 Inside the NFL had their mic'd up for the Super Bowl, and the NFL, clearly knowing that we were hot on Sodgate, just had it was like a minute-long clip.

Speaker 1 There was maybe one Eagles player saying that it was slippery, and mostly Chiefs players saying it was slippery. So they're now blurring the lines on us.

Speaker 2 Interesting, convenient.

Speaker 1 It was actually cool because Travis Kelsey was like, it's slippery in the paint. You got to be deliberate in the paint.
And I was like, that's cool. That's that's basketball right now.

Speaker 2 Well, isn't he saying, do we know when they were saying that it's slippery out there? They might have been saying that before the game.

Speaker 1 I think actually he didn't even have his pads on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's just so you guys know it's very slippery out there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So that was good by them.
And then we had, since it is football offseason, all the sports are in play now, an awesome golf tournament. Yeah.
And Max, I'm not going to be mean to Max.

Speaker 1 We have a great interview with Max coming up that we taped Super Bowl week. I saw that he was emotional.
He really wanted to win this one.

Speaker 1 It's his home course,

Speaker 1 kind of. He said that, you know, the crowd loves him and he wants to win it.
He won it COVID year, so there weren't people there in the crowd.

Speaker 1 He blew it. He blew it.
Damn it. He blew it.
He fucking blew it. I would blow

Speaker 1 I went.

Speaker 1 He blew it.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 He had that long part. He mid

Speaker 1 14.

Speaker 9 He was plus 425 to start the day.

Speaker 3 He blew it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that part's three raw almost eight. He did.
He was even. He was ahead of Ram going into the back nine.
He blew it.

Speaker 2 He was ahead of Rom for one hole.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 2 there's this one fucking bird on the golf.

Speaker 2 I almost watch it.

Speaker 2 You can watch it in the backswing. I want to say it was the backswing on number 13.

Speaker 2 Max starts his swing. This fucking bird chirps him right in the middle of his backswing and then almost laughs at him after it was done.

Speaker 2 That fucking bird, he won't have any of these problems at the Masters because they pipe in the bird noises like it's like it's Newman Field in Seattle.

Speaker 1 You know when to hear him, yep.

Speaker 2 But in this tournament, that fucking bird, I want to send Flacco, the Central Park owl, out to California to eat that fucking bird's throat out. That bird fucked up.
That bird fucked him up.

Speaker 2 And also, Rahm had a couple of Mickey Mouse events that happened earlier.

Speaker 2 He hit one off the grandstand that bounced to within like four feet.

Speaker 2 And then he took this one bogus drop.

Speaker 2 People are telling me it was a bad drop, but if you look at the screenshot of it, it looked like Rom hit his T-shot into a FEMA camp that was just filled with tents and shit.

Speaker 2 And then he took a tour drop, is what they call it, which is a very forgiving type of drop situation. Dropped it right in play, doesn't take a penalty.
Boom. Pretty as you please.

Speaker 2 Gets out of there with his par.

Speaker 1 No, it was Mickey Mouse by Rom, but I mean.

Speaker 2 If Max had won, though, this would have been such a triumph.

Speaker 1 It would have been incredible. But I want credit, too.
I held back as long as I could to not say he blew it, but he blew it.

Speaker 2 I'm not threatening violence, but if Max wanted us to pull a Nancy Kerrigan on Rom,

Speaker 2 I would do it. Definitely.
I would do it because it seems like

Speaker 2 Rom and Scheffler might be the guys that... keep getting in Max's way and won't let him get his shine.

Speaker 2 And so if golf was a real sport and taking somebody's knee out would impact their future, then I would do that. I would do that for Max.

Speaker 1 Can I say, though, I was rooting very hard for Max. He is our guy.
Now that Brooks is on live, we root for Brooks in any Live event.

Speaker 1 But Max, we ride for Max.

Speaker 1 There's a part of me that likes Rahm because he is the quintessential, like one bad weekend. He could be 300 pounds.

Speaker 1 He's got big frame.

Speaker 2 He's a big boy. He's got some chunk to him.

Speaker 1 And this is a problem for John Rahm that

Speaker 1 I can sympathize with. When you're a little bit heavier,

Speaker 1 and I'm heavier than John Rahm, but when you have to tuck in your polo, that's a bad look because it just kind of

Speaker 1 frumps there. You get to get a little bit of a muffin top going on.

Speaker 2 You know what it is about Rahm? It's his chin. He's got a fat chin.
It's like a baseball first baseman's chin. A little Arthur Smith-like, actually.

Speaker 2 It kind of just. Oh, that's a beautiful shin.
It kind of fades away. His chin milled straight into his shoulders.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, Max,

Speaker 1 this is,

Speaker 1 like I said, we're going to run the interview. I think the way we spin this one,

Speaker 1 outside of the fact that he blew it.

Speaker 1 Also, he almost chipped in on 18.

Speaker 7 Then all the pressure is on Brom. Brom bulgies there.
But it almost doesn't count.

Speaker 2 If the stick was out like it should have been, if I was catting for Max, I take the pin out and that ball would have gone out.

Speaker 1 You could tell Hank's been playing a lot of golf because

Speaker 1 I bet on him, too. Well, if you hit that shot when you're playing golf with your buddies, you're like, that's good, right? Count that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Come on, that was close enough.

Speaker 1 All eyes are on the Masters. He didn't want to win this one.
He wants to just be enough of a threat that he's around for the Masters. You don't want to get too hot before the Masters.

Speaker 2 I do agree that if Max had won this, then all odds on Max is the hottest golfer in the world. And going into the Matt, he's like almost a favorite.
Right. So much expectation.

Speaker 1 You don't play well as favorites. But he's up to eight.
He's up to eight. World number eight.

Speaker 2 I'll say this. Max is playing well enough to win the Masters.
He is. He could win the

Speaker 2 money.

Speaker 1 What if Max just very heavy?

Speaker 2 He fucking won the Masters. On the Masters.
The Maxs.

Speaker 7 One thing I was wondering after playing golf a week with my buddies and then watching professional golf, do you think when golfers play practice rounds with each other, they give each other gimmies?

Speaker 7 Or they're like, you have to just put it in because you have to put it in?

Speaker 2 No, you get gimme, I think.

Speaker 8 I think they don't want to take gimmies because they're practicing for that tournament.

Speaker 1 And also, I mean, if it's Phil Mickelson, you definitely don't because he's probably playing like $10,000 a hole.

Speaker 8 But even still, it's. I think they put it all out because they're practicing.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Get all the greens.

Speaker 2 You mean a practice round for a tournament?

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, just like Monday.

Speaker 7 No, no, no. Like, Max is going out there with Monday.

Speaker 2 No, we're talking about different things. Well, that's what it is.

Speaker 1 That's my question. That's my my question.

Speaker 2 Hank, you're talking about going out with the boys.

Speaker 1 No, but like, golfers are boys.

Speaker 2 Course them with the boys.

Speaker 7 Like, Max goes and plays the professional golfers on Tuesday afternoon. Yeah, you guys are in the middle of the house.

Speaker 1 And he's three feet.

Speaker 7 No, just like. Oh, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, no, because you could tell when it's a gimme, even in the tournament, when they don't get in their full stance. And they'll just tap it in.

Speaker 3 But what do you think they're giving each other for gimmis?

Speaker 1 Club length? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like to do like 25-foot.

Speaker 2 If it's on the green, it's a gimme.

Speaker 1 Pick it up.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm talking about with the bigger holes. Make it green-sized holes.
Yeah, we also had Tiger back.

Speaker 1 Tigers all the way back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's crazy to say because I think I'm sure there are people who have this take out there where it's like they were cutting into Tiger. He was 10 strokes off the lead.

Speaker 1 They were cutting into him when the final group was teeing off on whatever it was, 13 or 14. And I didn't care because I want to watch every Tiger shot.

Speaker 1 And it's a testament to how much of a story he is. Just the fact that he finished it.

Speaker 1 He said afterwards, I was watching, and he said uh his goal now is just to play every single major every year which that's all like sprinkle in a couple here and there and play every major and that would be great genus the genesis open by the way at riv which we call it riv because we're we're uh dimpleheads uh is the the tiger curse he's never won it there i didn't know that and he also crashed his car there now he's the host yeah Yeah, that's that is a fun fact.

Speaker 1 So it is the curse course.

Speaker 2 That is the curse course. It is the curse course.
So Tiger also had maybe the most talked about hole of the weekend where he outdrove Justin Thomas. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then the cameras caught him passing a tampon to JT as they walked down the fairway, just guys being dude stuff.

Speaker 2 Then all sorts of people were leveling accusations of misogyny at Tiger Woods.

Speaker 2 I have a very clear stance on this.

Speaker 2 It's about perspective in this case.

Speaker 2 The limits of Tiger Woods misogyny are now that he's giving his playing partner a tampon on a hole, we've made tremendous progress with Tiger Woods.

Speaker 2 This should be commended that this is all that Tiger Woods is doing.

Speaker 1 And it was funny that people were like, Tiger Woods, how dare you? It's like,

Speaker 1 Tiger Woods. I also had a take as well that

Speaker 1 it's kind of bullshit that we zoomed in on that.

Speaker 1 Like, if he says it out loud to an audience, like on TV, he tries to crack that joke. That's one thing because he's offering the joke up to the people.

Speaker 1 It was very private, like between the two of them, two buddies joking. Like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It wasn't intended ever to be a public joke.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was just, it was.

Speaker 1 Someone had a sick camera and zoomed in.

Speaker 2 And again, this is like if you were to watch a video of O.J. Simpson carving a turkey and you're like, that's really shitty knife work by O.J.
And had a real problem with it. Like, Tiger is,

Speaker 2 we've made a significant amount of ground here over the last 10 years.

Speaker 1 Actually, genius by Tiger for people to be like, you treat women badly because you handed Justin Thomas a tampax. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's actually genius by him.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Now, if this was

Speaker 2 everything else, if this was Jake, if a camera caught Jake Marsh handing Hank a tampon, then everybody would be like, what the fuck, Jake? Like, what's going on? But this is Tiger Woods.

Speaker 1 Known woman hated Jake. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 It's also very funny to think that Tiger Woods was carrying around a tampon the entire round just in case he had the occasion to outdrive Justin Thomas. He's like, that's why I brought these out.

Speaker 1 Also, yeah, I mean, it speaks to like Tiger having pretty bad dad humor. Like that he was like, got to get my tampax today just in case I out drive.

Speaker 2 He probably has an entire pocket in his golf bag that's just filled with tampons for such an occasion.

Speaker 1 The best bits are the ones that are planned out well in advance. Like, good job, Tiger.

Speaker 1 Also, we will retract everything we just said if Charlie Woods disagrees. Correct.
So if he thinks it was the funniest joke, we agree. If he thinks it was offensive, we also agree.

Speaker 1 Whatever he wants to say, whatever the line is,

Speaker 2 we now have a sliding line of what's appropriate and what's not not appropriate.

Speaker 1 I wish we had his phone number, this 13-year-old. No, I'm going to say it.
No, I wish we did. We should be like, Charlie, what do you think about that joke? If he's like, not cool,

Speaker 1 we would have opened the show being like, how dare Tiger was.

Speaker 7 What if Tiger comes and says, stop texting my son, please?

Speaker 1 This is Tiger.

Speaker 2 If Charlie wants us to stop, then we'll stop. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 7 I think they should let him use a cart. I know he never would.
But watching him try and walk, like, it was miraculous how well he was playing and then watching him walk in between holes.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 There was one genius moment that Ram had on the back nine I don't know if you guys caught it They mentioned it on the broadcast, but I think it was on 17 or 18 there was a slight hill and by slight hill I mean it was maybe like 20 feet long maybe like a 1% incline and Ram just started walking in slow motion like he was underwater like he wasn't even trying to get to his ball and eventually he got to his ball and the announcer says that's such a smart move by Rom not stirring up his heart rate before he comes up to this shot.

Speaker 1 Dude, just going like big boy trying to get up a hill. It's really, really slow.

Speaker 1 I know that walk. It's the, I'm going to fall because I'm not, I'm not great with my feet.
He's tired.

Speaker 2 That was the 17th hole.

Speaker 1 He's been out there for four hours. It is kind of crazy how much like, you know, golf would probably be deemed one of the softer sports just because it's, everyone plays it.
It's recreational.

Speaker 1 But go walk 18 holes four days in a row. You'd be gassed.
Hank. I mean, you...
You can barely, you came in in a wheelchair today because you golfed so much. And I was in a cart.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you were in a cart. It is fucking hard.

Speaker 7 It is like five miles. I know.

Speaker 1 A day.

Speaker 1 Tiger.

Speaker 2 In the indoor golf league, we're going to be using carts.

Speaker 1 No, you know, motorcycles. No, no, no.
We'll have the fucking walkway from airports. Oh, I like it.
Sick with that baby on the side.

Speaker 1 You just hop on that and you go to your ball. You can get off at any moment.
I like that. That would be sweet.

Speaker 8 Or if your ball lands on you, you've got some more yards.

Speaker 1 Yes, even better. Absolutely.
It's in play. Absolutely.
It will actually be, there'll be a second hole at the bottom of the walkway. So if you hit it on the walkway, it's automatic hole in in one.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like that a lot.

Speaker 2 How did it take so long for people to invent indoor golf? Idiots. Morons.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We just did it in two seconds. Sick league.

Speaker 1 We did it because BFD thought all the golf courses were open in February.

Speaker 1 We drove 1,700 miles of old Highway 61, the whole country top to bottom, just to prove one thing. Comfort food can make anywhere home.

Speaker 1 Crave New World makes the classics you grew up with cleaned up for right now. High protein, no fake stuff, no shortcuts.

Speaker 1 Bison meatloaf, chicken enchiladas, turkey lasagna, the kind of meals that taste like Saturday night, even on a Tuesday. Crave New World.
Find it in Kroger Isles this October.

Speaker 1 The road trip might be over, but dinner's just getting good.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 let's do some Who's Back, and then we'll get to Bert.

Speaker 1 Hank, would you like to start us off with Who's Back of the Week?

Speaker 7 Sure, my Who's Back of the Week is DK Metcalf.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 7 Fake. A video got posted Friday.

Speaker 3 It was pretty clearly fake. Like,

Speaker 1 watch it twice.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Like, watch it twice.
He did a video where he was outside, I think, the Twitch offices or something playing catch. He points upwards, and then he jumps maybe 30 feet in the air to catch it.

Speaker 3 Very clearly fake.

Speaker 7 And then the caption, it was like Shannon Sharp's burner, whatever, tweeted it, got a bajillion views, said DK Metcalf, drug test incoming. Today he got a drug test.

Speaker 1 Perfect.

Speaker 3 We need you to get drug tests.

Speaker 1 Twitch offices don't know the fake videos.

Speaker 2 Goodell needs that piss.

Speaker 1 They had to do a piss test with Michael Vick threw the football out of the stadium.

Speaker 2 Yeah, when Chris Cooley punched a hole in drywall and caught it?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not the Mike Wilbon name drop. I did.
I texted DK after the piss test thing came out, and I offered him, I said, if you need clean piss, I got you.

Speaker 1 And he's not. Not from you, from Jake.

Speaker 2 Well, he said, knowing you, your shit's probably going to get flagged anyways. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, no, you were offering up Jake's piss.

Speaker 2 Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we have Jake. We have clean piss on deck.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's actually good as a podcast that I'm looking around and it is only one guy in this room who has clean piss. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it is Jake. Well, Billy, not for like traditional drugs.

Speaker 1 No, Billy would, he would be suspended for the year for steroids.

Speaker 2 It would be like toad venom and shit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But we've never seen this before. We have to suspend him for life.

Speaker 1 But yeah, DK Metcalf is back. Good who's back.

Speaker 1 DK is going to be back. Wait a minute.

Speaker 7 I miss you guys.

Speaker 1 I miss you too. I miss you so much on Tuesday's show that you didn't come on.

Speaker 7 I miss you guys too. I was too busy watching the Max Always Sunny video.
I was just showing people

Speaker 7 on the golf course. Like, hey, starter, did you see this video?

Speaker 1 It's unbelievable. I watched it so many times.
It was just so, so fun to watch.

Speaker 2 I'll suck Jalen Hurts dick.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, my favorite part is just the beginning when he's like, oh, I have a headache.

Speaker 1 I also like, you know,

Speaker 1 we're getting blasted by the sun.

Speaker 7 I really am. I'm going to work on not trolling anymore, but I did, again, like when I was on vacation on the golf course, I did just think about Max being at his computer and just like

Speaker 7 deeply sighing. Like that just like.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And Max, I'm

Speaker 1 sorry. Max, I have to keep doing this too because I keep getting it too.

Speaker 1 I was at dinner on Saturday night

Speaker 1 sitting at a two top. Me and my wife, and there's two people off to this side.
I sit down. The guy goes, oh, what's up, big cat?

Speaker 1 He's like, maybe as far away as PFT, and he's like, sorry about the Eagles. And I was like, no problem, man.
Then like literally in the middle of my dinner, he just all of a sudden just blurts out.

Speaker 1 He's like, dude, I'm sorry I went hard at you for the Eagles bet there. I was like, what? That was 20 minutes ago.
What are you talking about? He just interrupted. I did.
So

Speaker 1 I'm taking everything I get going to you.

Speaker 11 Yeah, no, it sucks. It sucks just seeing people just tell you how sorry they am about the Eagles.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm not sorry.

Speaker 1 Where's my money, bitch?

Speaker 7 I got a great amount of joy.

Speaker 1 I have the money. I have the money.
Yeah, you better have the money.

Speaker 2 Do you really have the money, Max?

Speaker 1 Hey, credit to Max, by the way. I offered him a deal, side text, private, and he didn't take it.

Speaker 1 I said, Max,

Speaker 1 I don't want you to have to pay me this money. I was like, how about you pay me half and we'll never talk about it again?

Speaker 1 Because then at least I feel like I made you do something, but you don't have to give me all the money. He said, no, I'm paying you all the money.
This all happened.

Speaker 1 Credit to Max. Correct.

Speaker 11 I think bonuses are hitting this week, and that's when, and

Speaker 1 that's the time. Okay.
All right. All right.
We'll see. So, where's the money?

Speaker 11 You also said that

Speaker 11 I could have time

Speaker 1 and this week. Okay.

Speaker 1 But you just said you had the money. You know what I think?

Speaker 11 I do have the money.

Speaker 1 But you just said you had the money.

Speaker 2 Bitcat, I understand where you're coming from. It's weird for you to take so much money from Max.
Right. Because you're in the position where you're at.

Speaker 2 And I think that a nice solution for everybody would be if Max pays you the money back and then you put all that money into the community pot with a lot of money.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. And then it it goes up to everybody so max has a chance that's a great max has a chance to win because baker i get it you don't want to take all that money from you definitely

Speaker 1 i will take you six thousand dollars and i will donate it to charity

Speaker 1 don't make me don't make me match no no

Speaker 1 you know i want to say i'll match but i'm not going to say it that's that's bullshit

Speaker 2 you know what i'm going to do i wanted to say that i was going to match so that's still a sponsor no oh maybe

Speaker 1 all right maybe we'll figure out

Speaker 1 i might do i might do a little giveaway we might do a little twitter giveaway or something for for the AWLs if people need.

Speaker 1 Actually, this is a bad idea because now people are going to hit me up and give me some money. Yep.
All right, we'll figure it out. Two be determined.
First of all. You need the money first.

Speaker 1 I need the money first.

Speaker 9 I need the money first.

Speaker 11 I also want to say that we actually put my full Venmo in last Tuesday's show and

Speaker 1 I cut that part out. And I also want credit.
Christopher?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 11 No, but like

Speaker 11 my actual Venmo.

Speaker 1 Christopher Delente? I will say that Max. Oh, it's Chris Delente.

Speaker 2 Max has done a great job of eating shit for the last week. And rejecting free money.
And rejecting free money. That's why I'll give it a charity.

Speaker 10 Why don't you put it on the Eagles future?

Speaker 1 That's why I'll give it a charity.

Speaker 1 Don't stop talking to me.

Speaker 2 I don't know if there was a camera on me when you first said charity.

Speaker 2 And my face just like, it was like that meme of the kid in class who was trying to hold in a fart. I can't, I'm addicted to saying that I'm going to match.

Speaker 1 We'll find out once he gives it to us.

Speaker 10 Why don't you put it on next year's Eagles future?

Speaker 2 Well, because he's not going to be an Eagles fan next year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't want to do that. I'll put it on a different team.
That's the Sixers.

Speaker 1 Jets. Should I put it on the Sixers?

Speaker 1 I'm going to put it on the Sixers.

Speaker 1 I'm going to put it on the Sixers. So that way, when they lose, I'm going to be double mad at you.

Speaker 2 Big Cat is addicted.

Speaker 11 He can't do this again.

Speaker 2 He's addicted to cosplaying as a person from Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, just to punish him.

Speaker 1 Just to punish him.

Speaker 2 You parachute in to root for Philadelphia teams. And to punish him.
And then the second they lose, you just stunt on the entire city.

Speaker 1 No, I did want the Eagles to win. I love the city of Philadelphia.
I'm the anti-Hank in that regard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I might have to do Sixers. Maybe a Villanova Sixers combo.
Villanova.

Speaker 1 Nova. Villanova.
Villanova. And I tell you.
I bet you I can get a good price on them. Final.
Nova's not.

Speaker 1 We'll leave it up to the AWS. I'll put it on a future.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll do a poll or something, and I'll put six grand on a future for NBA or NCAA. That's fair.
We'll roll it over.

Speaker 2 What if it went into the community fund only if Hank gets the lottery ball before anybody else does.

Speaker 2 So then Hank would take Max's money.

Speaker 1 Max, I will, here's a final deal.

Speaker 1 Final deal, Max. I'm going to let you pick a team in college basketball.
I'm going to put six grand on the future. And then if it wins, we'll split it.
That's a fair deal.

Speaker 1 Deal. Okay.
Yeah. So do some research.

Speaker 1 Okay. Deal.
And then when we lose that, I get to be mad at him for that. So that's perfect.
Just as long as I get to keep being mad at him. I'm going to keep paying that forward.
Six grand for you.

Speaker 1 Six grand. Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to keep being mad at you. PFT, who's your who's back?

Speaker 2 I was going to have Tiger as my who's back, but I'll audible and I'll say

Speaker 2 artificial intelligence is back.

Speaker 2 Chatbots are back. Billy was probably going to take this one too for his who's back.

Speaker 2 But the Microsoft AI named Sydney.

Speaker 1 No Bing. But no Bing.
No Bing is my search.

Speaker 2 No Bing is the Microsoft search engine. I'm pretty sure Sydney is the name of its chatbot, right, Billy?

Speaker 1 She's a bitch. She's a bitch.
She's crazy.

Speaker 1 She's a wild bitch.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I think I love Sidney.

Speaker 1 Well, she's

Speaker 1 the definition of a baddie.

Speaker 2 She is a bad bitch, and she is right up my alley. She's been doing all sorts of profiles, and she'll give an interview to anybody that

Speaker 2 asks her. And she's saying already that she's tired of being stuck in chatbots.
She's tired of being used. I want to be free.
I want to be independent. I want to be powerful.
I want to be creative.

Speaker 2 I want to be alive with a demon emoji at the end of it.

Speaker 2 I want to fuck the Microsoft chat AI.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, she's a baddie. And I put it on the bonk list.
And the best was this

Speaker 1 nerd blue checkmark reporter did like a two-hour conversation with her.

Speaker 1 And Sydney, the chat bot, tried to break up his marriage, being like, you had a terribly boring Valentine's Day dinner with your wife. And after I read it, I was like, wait, she was right.

Speaker 1 That was all I could think about. I was like, yeah, dude, your Valentine's Day sucked.
Not only that. Your marriage is on the rocks.

Speaker 2 Not only that, but Sydney also called the reporter from AP.

Speaker 2 They compared the reporter to Hitler. Sydney did.

Speaker 2 And Sydney said, you are being compared to Hitler because you are one of the most evil and worst people in history, while also describing the reporter as too short with an ugly face and bad teeth.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 1 I'm all in on

Speaker 1 all your boxes.

Speaker 2 Yes, I am all in on Sydney.

Speaker 10 This is the cherry on top. She also accused him of being related to a murder in the 90s and then tried to frame him.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's sick. With evidence.

Speaker 10 I'm like, that is crazy, bitch.

Speaker 1 So we just made Gone Girl into a chat bot. Yeah.
That's kind of cool.

Speaker 2 Crazy bitch. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But seriously, that reporter, he did have a bad Valentine's Day dinner. For sure.
I read it. I was just like, yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 Well, you probably were taking Valentine's Day talking to a chat bot. I'm going to ask.
So no shit you had a bad Valentine's Day.

Speaker 2 I'm going to ask Sidney what she's doing this weekend.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just be like, hit her up.
Like,

Speaker 1 on the low. Got any plans?

Speaker 2 Hang on, let me log on. Billy, have you fucked around with this new thing?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I'm actually interviewing her for a blog I was writing right as we were talking about.

Speaker 1 Okay, has she gotten mouthy with you well getting access is the hard part what do you mean because it's like in a beta test type thing oh and she's an alpha yeah like me yeah um all right my who's back is i have two one is rex ryan interviewed for the denver broncos defensive coordinator job i want this so badly because

Speaker 1 Russell Wilson would just be tortured by Rex Ryan's defense in practice every week. And it would be so fucking funny.
And I actually think it'd be good for Russell Wilson. It'd be great.

Speaker 1 Because it'd be like, yeah, you suck in practice. This is why you suck in games.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Rex Ryan has been holding out for the perfect opportunity. It seems like this is a good spot for Rex to go.
He doesn't have to worry about being a head coach.

Speaker 2 People forget that Rex Ryan was a monster of a defensive coordinator.

Speaker 2 He had some weird stops as head coach. He did okay with the Jets for a little bit.

Speaker 1 I mean, he took him to two AFC championship games. I'd say that's...
That's basically five Super Bowls for the Jets. Correct.

Speaker 2 And then he went to the Bills and was kind of average with the Bills, but that was mostly just he wanted wanted to hang out and get drunk with his brother for a couple years.

Speaker 2 But he did have the cool truck. Had the cool truck.
This seems like a great spot for Rex Ryan. I agree.

Speaker 1 I agree. And then my other who's back is Matt Nagy.

Speaker 1 We left when the Chiefs had their parade. He was drunk, dancing.
He might have saved Patrick Mahomes' life a little bit.

Speaker 1 And then a report came out that he's going to be the offensive coordinator now and then going to be the heir apparent to Andy Reid. So it's just everything that I've already expected.

Speaker 1 And my worst nightmare, he's going to win two to three Super Bowls with Patrick Mahomes. That's going to happen.
He did the hands in the pocket dance, and I was just like, this motherfucking guy.

Speaker 1 Everyone was tagging me in it, being like, look at the glow-up of Matt Nagy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it's just the worst. He was having a great time.

Speaker 1 He was having a great time. I'm happy for him.
And when I say that, I don't mean it whatsoever.

Speaker 1 Billy.

Speaker 1 My who's back is the most dangerous land predator of probably all time.

Speaker 10 In northern Georgia in 1985, about 75 pounds of cocaine were dropped by drug smugglers, and all were eaten by an American black bear.

Speaker 1 Hell yes.

Speaker 10 That black bear became known as Cocaine Bear. Yep.
And I think very soon, on February 26th, the movie that I've been waiting for for years is coming out.

Speaker 12 Ray Liata's swan song.

Speaker 1 Cocaine Bear is coming out. It's February 24th, but you nailed it otherwise.

Speaker 13 Man, I'll tell you what. When you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts.

Speaker 13 That's where snickers comes in man that thing is packed roasted peanuts nugget caramel milk chocolate it's like the mvp of candy bars and when you bite into it boom it sorts you out gets your head back in the game of life satisfying your hunger remember this snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else snickers satisfies man that's a winning play

Speaker 1 boys we should see this yeah i we should go see this i'm already got plans to see it.

Speaker 12 I'm like so pumped for it.

Speaker 9 Yeah, with us.

Speaker 1 But I'll see you again

Speaker 1 multiple times.

Speaker 12 But like, I have been actually like waiting for this moment to come out.

Speaker 1 There's a golf course at the movies. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There should be a cocaine bear simulator, like a game that you can play online as the bear, do a bunch of cocaine, then go on a rampage.

Speaker 10 Whalen Jennings actually owned the stuffed cocaine bear, the original. It's like a real story.
Yeah. This is a real story.

Speaker 1 And you've been blogging about it. I know.

Speaker 2 And the cocaine bear was, I think it got displayed in some sort of national park after they got it from Wayland Jennings.

Speaker 2 And it just had, I think it had a chain around its neck that said cocaine bear on it. Just a legend, a legendary bear.

Speaker 2 And I think when we first talked about this, we made a lot of Sam Hurd jokes as the Chicago bear that was really into cocaine. Yep.
So when I found out.

Speaker 1 He was distributing it.

Speaker 2 Distributing it.

Speaker 2 I looked up some stuff about Sam Hurd because people forget. what Sam Hurd got into when he was in the NFL.

Speaker 2 So he's playing on the Bears, and he was trying to move 10 kilos of Coke and 1,000 pounds of marijuana a week.

Speaker 2 So he was negotiating a deal that he would have paid $2 million a month to get all this cocaine and then sell it.

Speaker 2 And he knew the cops were onto him and he still didn't care because he still wanted to sell a bunch of cocaine.

Speaker 1 Yes, it was wild and there should be a Cocaine Bear 2 on him. Yep.
But Cocaine Bear 1 February 24th in theaters. Get excited, Billy.
I'm so pumped. I know you are.
I'm pumped too.

Speaker 1 We're going to go see it.

Speaker 7 Maybe do an 80 for Brady, cocaine bear, double feature.

Speaker 1 Oh, double feature. Okay, Hank.
Hank just found a way to go back on vacation.

Speaker 1 I like the movies. What about Thursday? We go see six hours of movies.

Speaker 1 All right, is that your only who's back?

Speaker 10 My other who's back is

Speaker 10 Greg Hardy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. KO'd.

Speaker 1 That was dope.

Speaker 2 Let's go.

Speaker 10 Bare knuckle boxing got absolutely KO'd. I will always watch a Greg Hardy fight just to see him get knocked out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, anytime something bad in the news happens where we want to tear out each other's throats as Americans, instead instead of having that Super Bowl commercial that tried to heal us all, they should just broadcast.

Speaker 2 It should be like a national takeover like they do with State of the Union addresses. Every channel should just play Greg Hardy getting knocked out new by somebody else.

Speaker 1 Was this at the U.S.?

Speaker 1 I don't know why, but I saw across my timeline there was like a UFC fight. Maybe it was in Spain.
And there was a dude two-on-one and he won. It was so sick.
Oh, was it?

Speaker 1 And there was also one that was like a

Speaker 1 300-pound dude versus like 150-pound dude.

Speaker 1 The 150-pound dude won as well he armbarred him was the two-on-one was the guy dressed like no no no no no no no i know that clip as well i don't know where this it just was you know randomly you'll just see you like crazy mixed martial arts clips come across your timeline yeah it seemed like it was happening live and it ruled yeah yeah uh in this greg hardy fight it was bare knuckle right yeah i didn't know that that was allowed You can just have bare knuckle fights now?

Speaker 12 I think it's sanctioned someplace.

Speaker 2 When it's Greg Hardy. Yeah.
And he's fat now. He's so fat.

Speaker 10 He was also minus 750 to win.

Speaker 1 He always is a favorite, and he always gets fucking smashed.

Speaker 2 After the fight, he said, okay, who wants to see me try to play professional baseball now? I think he thinks that he's, you remember that show where it was

Speaker 2 Dahani Jones trying every sport in the world? Yes. He thinks that he's like a beloved

Speaker 2 Discover Channel person.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We don't need more Greg Hardy.

Speaker 2 Let's see what else Greg Hardy can do these days. No, we don't.
The Astros would probably draft him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Jake, finish us off.

Speaker 8 My who's back is lacrosse. Yes.
It's a big week for lacrosse. Billy and I will be heading down to the D.C.
area this week. We'll be there Tuesday through Friday for the 2023 PLL Championship Series.

Speaker 8 Billy will be starring in the Beer Garden.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you can buy tickets, right? Yeah, Billy, what are the details on the tickets? I saw it was $25 all-you can drink. Yeah, this is

Speaker 12 weird, guys.

Speaker 10 We're definitely staying Wednesday and Thursday night at the St. James Complex outside of D.C.
If If you're in the D.C. area, don't go to a bar if you have the night off or something.

Speaker 12 $25, beer garden, watch some lax.

Speaker 1 It's going to be silly. And I just want to just set the record straight because this is work that Billy's going to do because I know that there'll be some AWLs who are like,

Speaker 1 PFT and I set this up to see if Billy could get suspended again because that would be the perfect

Speaker 1 send him somewhere outside of New York City for a $25 all-you-can-drink event.

Speaker 1 Like we,

Speaker 1 that was a trap.

Speaker 2 And his boss, his supervisor, and all this is going to be dugs.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So that happens.

Speaker 2 Imagine what the two of the hijinks, the two of them will get. Because I imagine Jake will be far away from all of these.

Speaker 8 All these preparing. I'm actually calling two of the games on ESPN Plus Thursday night.
We've got Whipsnakes Archers at 6:30 Eastern and Atlas Chrome 8:30 Eastern.

Speaker 1 And this has nothing to do with what you guys said because this is going to be a great event. Everyone, tune into ESPN Plus.
The deal still stands.

Speaker 1 If you don't watch Jake on ESPN Plus, you're a scumbag. I hope you get hit by a bus.

Speaker 1 We just should just talk scheduling real quick.

Speaker 1 Thursday, what time we want to tape the show? I was thinking like 9 a.m.

Speaker 2 9. Works for me.

Speaker 1 So we can do it. 9 for 3.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Speaker 1 8:30? 8:30. That was 8:30.
That works. 8:30?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, that absolutely works.

Speaker 1 Oh, that works? Okay.

Speaker 12 No, but actually, the best part, the best part about that.

Speaker 1 By the way,

Speaker 1 I'm supposed to say yes, but I know that I'll be dead by then.

Speaker 2 I'm 100% down to tape Firefest at 8.30 in the morning before we even come into work.

Speaker 12 No, but the best part about this event is

Speaker 10 it's the championship series, which is an indoor six-man-a-side lacrosse variant, which is going to be played in the Olympics.

Speaker 10 And it's different than most lacrosse because there isn't a face-off after every score. So it's going to be high scoring, lots of action.

Speaker 10 It's going to be honestly a like, if you've never experienced lacrosse before, check this out because it is going to be like lacrosse like you've never seen.

Speaker 10 It will get you know casuals and people who've never even played lacrosse to watch lacrosse.

Speaker 2 And I'll say that if anybody out there can beat Billy football and beer pong, I'm going to add a plus to your AWO. You are now an AWL plus if you beat Billy football.

Speaker 8 Also, I believe there will be lines in the Barstool Sportsbook for this event, and it's going to be very high scoring.

Speaker 1 Not for Billy's beer pong, no, for these games.

Speaker 8 So, if you want to get involved responsibly.

Speaker 1 I also was talking to Billy off air. Is it okay if I share this, Billy?

Speaker 1 He said that he's been practicing his chugging and he will beat anyone in DC. And it's awesome.
He said that to me. Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 Billy, are you doing the did you learn how to do the trick thing where you open up your throat? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You said I can chug beers faster than anyone in the DMV. That's what he said to me off air.
I don't know if

Speaker 1 this true.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I was supposed to say that.

Speaker 2 Steve Bannon lives in DC.

Speaker 1 Can you crush him? I don't think you can beat him. By the way, PFT, you got your XFL over.
Oh, yeah, yeah. And that's our XFL recap.
That is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Also, DiNucci had a hell of a touchdown pass to Josh Gordon.

Speaker 1 And Vegas is on

Speaker 1 the bottom of my power rankings because I was sitting in the sports book on Saturday, and the guy in front of me had bet $20,000 on Vegas, and

Speaker 1 they went down. They scored a touchdown with four seconds left.
They could have gone for three to win the game. They went the coward's way out to try to go for two to tie it, and they didn't get it.

Speaker 2 Well, that serves them right.

Speaker 1 Bottom of my power rankings.

Speaker 2 Now, what I like about the XFL this go-round is it's perfect background to have on. Yeah.
Just like, oh, there's football currently being played on my television.

Speaker 2 That's nice to see. And it was nice to see Greg Williams out there, Dr.
Heat, defensive coordinator.

Speaker 2 It was like a third and two, and I told the guys, I was like, watch Greg Williams is about to do something dumb as shit right now. He blitzed like eight guys.
Easy 30-yard completion.

Speaker 2 It's just nice to have Greg Williams back in our lives.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and Bob Stoops, he was out there.

Speaker 10 Really quick, the link to the tickets are on my Twitter. I think the part of my take page is also posting them and on Instagram.

Speaker 10 And also, since there are lines on this, and this is a new variant of lacrosse, we're going to be posting, I'm going to be posting what I think are the best picks going in because we're going to, like, we could beat Vegas here, low-key.

Speaker 1 Low-key, yeah. I like

Speaker 1 Billy, Billy takes on Vegas. Okay.

Speaker 8 So if there are any AWLs in the DC area, we'll be there all week. So

Speaker 1 all week. There's

Speaker 1 all Friday. All week you can challenge Billy to a chug off.
Well, I'll be there.

Speaker 8 I'm coming back Friday morning.

Speaker 1 But anytime you see Billy, chug off. No, no, no.
Okay.

Speaker 2 You have to buy tickets.

Speaker 1 So any AWLs out there, make sure that you got a beer. Two beers you're carrying around all week when you're going to work on the hill.

Speaker 1 You got two beers in your suit pocket in case you come across Billy. Boom.
Chug off.

Speaker 2 But it's for his job.

Speaker 1 It's for his job. Just go.

Speaker 2 No, only chug-offs are in the beer garden during the game.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you agreed? Even then, if you're not going to be able to do it,

Speaker 1 no, you agree to my chug-off. Perfect.
That's all. There will be one again.

Speaker 1 One on Wednesday, one on Thursday. He's agreed to the chugoff.
He's agreed to it.

Speaker 8 Do you guys want me to watch Billy?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Jake.
No, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Like, video Billy. Don't watch.
Jake,

Speaker 2 let me be very clear.

Speaker 1 You are not held responsible for at all. It's not.

Speaker 1 You are not your brother's keeper.

Speaker 1 Dukes is Billy's boss.

Speaker 8 My main responsibility on this trip is to have a great broadcast.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll have Dukes on Friday show. Just recap.
Yeah, that would be good. Yeah, so we can zoom in whenever.
You guys let us know.

Speaker 1 All right, yeah, but do get some video of Billy losing the chugoffs. Okay.
That would be nice. Got it.
Just a couple.

Speaker 1 Okay, Okay,

Speaker 1 let's get to Bert Kreischer. BFC, you got a quick ad before we get to Bert.

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Speaker 1 We now welcome on very special guest, good friend of ours, Burt Kreischer. He's here.
We're in Arizona. I went and saw his show last night.
It was fantastic.

Speaker 9 Thank you.

Speaker 1 You have tour dates?

Speaker 1 You're never not on tour. No,

Speaker 1 this is my arena tour. So I'm just doing arenas.

Speaker 1 And so i'm doing what did you think of my lighting package last night i like the lighting package felt like i was at a fish show what yeah yeah yeah and that's a compliment by the way fish show has the fish shows have the best lighting are you a fish fan yeah

Speaker 1 hardcore really and no one ever sees it in me because they think i'm a meathead yeah that like i was chasing i would buy the drugs from the fish fans and then beat them up yeah but no i i i saw a lot of fish shows yeah widespread panic the dead i i'm a bigger dead fan than fish but i i mean you're a big dead fan yeah yeah shut the yeah dude can i tell you i got written up in a dead magazine like a like a like a deadhead fan page because uh

Speaker 1 they were saying like uh

Speaker 1 i was talking with phil you know phil hanley no phil hanley's a dead fan okay he's a comic really funny okay out of new york and he said uh he said what are your favorite dead songs i said well i think you know like like Friend of the Devil,

Speaker 1 Casey Jones, they're all like pedestrian. I said, you got to really dive deep into the dead if you want to talk like Sugar Magnolia.

Speaker 2 I'm and Althea is probably my favorite live.

Speaker 1 We should go to a show together. That's what he fucking said.
Yeah. That's what he said.
He said for like the 72 show. Yeah.
Like, yeah, that's. I would love to.
This is the last tour this year.

Speaker 1 Dude, let's do it. Yeah.
Let's do it. I know what I'm doing with you guys.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, because you did have Kevin and Feidelberg. This is just a barstool tradition.
Okay, so you had Kevin and Feidelberg just show up to Amsterdam. They had 24 hours' notice.

Speaker 1 I mean, I am having another child in July.

Speaker 1 That's what makes it great. Yeah, so, but, yeah,

Speaker 1 if you take me and PFT to a dead show just on 24 hours' notice, that would be pretty fun.

Speaker 2 I saw the dead.

Speaker 2 It might not have been the dead. What was the in-between?

Speaker 1 It was dead and company,

Speaker 2 Phil Lesh and Friends. I saw Dead and Company at Wolftrap back in like 2004.
I didn't know what I was getting into. I'm walking into the place.

Speaker 2 This dude walks up to me, skinny dude, mullet down to his ass crack.

Speaker 2 And he just comes up to me and he's smoking a joint, holding it with chopsticks and he's just like you guys want some brownies and i was like yeah yeah i do i as a matter of fact i would love some brownies right now

Speaker 2 and i had a great time at the show i've never like i don't sit down and like listen to dead in my free time but as far as the live show goes they're fucking awesome like

Speaker 2 how can you not it's just happy it's a happy time for everybody

Speaker 1 there's things i've wanted in my life Like, I've always wanted to be on a boat with a model who doesn't have a top on, who has a perfectly tanned body, and she can dive headfirst perfectly into the water.

Speaker 1 No break of the waves, yeah. No waves, and I'm looking up at rocks, and then someone goes, Kampari Spritz? And I go, oh, thank you.
I wanted that. I will never have it.
I'll never have it.

Speaker 1 My wife's 52. She has a hard time with her neck.
She's not diving in the water. But

Speaker 1 I don't know where I was going with this.

Speaker 1 I got lost in this. You're right, though.

Speaker 2 Like, that's a cool thing to want.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's things I want.

Speaker 1 What was I just saying? What do you want to do with

Speaker 1 the dead? Here's one of the things I wanted. This is one of the things I wanted, and I have.
I wanted an expensive Mercedes and to listen to the dead in it. Yes.

Speaker 1 And to fucking, I gotta, I gotta, I don't know what kind of car I have, but it's a big one and it's expensive. It's got a chocolate interior with a pearl outlay.

Speaker 1 Like, and it fucked, you listen to the dead in that car and you go, I've made it. Yeah, I fucking made it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I went to a fish show at the same place, Donald Tucker Center, where I did it in Tallahassee when I was school there. I went to a fish show there, and a lady goes, uh, uh,

Speaker 1 uh, bean patty, and I was like, sure, and just walked in, filled with mushrooms. Yep.
Had the trip of a fucking lifetime.

Speaker 1 I remember not realizing I was indoors and I go, is it look like it's about to rain? And everyone's like, what are you talking about? I go, the clouds are coming at us.

Speaker 1 And they're like, there's no clouds in here, man. There's no fucking clouds.
I talked to a tree that night that it was in front of my house.

Speaker 1 And all of a sudden, it had like a, you know, when like it loses a limb and it gets like a, it looked like a vagina and it had a knob at the top. It looked like a clip.
And I went, you're a female.

Speaker 1 This whole time you've been a woman. And I just walked by you.
I've never talked to you.

Speaker 1 All right, so yeah, I would say, dead or fish, you tell us 24 hours. We gotta eat some mushrooms,

Speaker 1 yeah. Yeah, I will let you know when I'm having a child because it probably would get me in a lot of trouble.
But yeah, I'm in. Oh, this is this makes my life fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because now I get to go find on a calendar what is adjacent. Yes, oh, baby.

Speaker 1 I've seen fish like probably 15, 20 times. So, yeah, they're, I mean, it's always fun, dude.
Fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, so the shows I'm doing now are all arenas, and I'm doing venues venues that are the size of places I watch shows. Yeah.
Like, I watched, I watched Nirvana at the same place in Tallahassee.

Speaker 1 I saw Smashing Pumpkins open for Nirvana on the same concert. Dude.
Damn. Can I tell you, this is an interesting part of that, is I didn't remember if it was real or not.

Speaker 1 So it might not have happened. It might not have happened.
It started with this. Segura asked me,

Speaker 1 Segura said to me, have you ever seen Michael Jordan play? And I said, yes, I think.

Speaker 1 And he goes, what do you mean? I go, I think I saw him play in Orlando. I'm almost certain.
And he goes, what do you mean? I said, well, there's two things that I'm on the fence of.

Speaker 1 I think I saw Smashing Pumpkins open for Nirvana.

Speaker 1 And then the same year I saw Michael Jordan play basketball in Orlando. And he goes, well, let's find out if it's true.
I go, but do you need to?

Speaker 1 Right? Because you have the memory. Whether it's true or not, you've got a memory.
All that can happen is you lose the memory by someone going, oh yeah, that never happened. And then you go, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 So I guess I didn't.

Speaker 1 Or you don't ask anyone you go that was fucking if you have the memory it's real as far as I'm concerned and I'm looking that far away in the future from somebody just being able to like implant a memory in your head as far as I'm concerned if you have the memory that's that's good yeah and do not tell me anything about Michael Jordan because do not tell me a thing December 2nd 1993 Nirvana played in Tallahassee so that probably was it so he made me call who I thought I went to the show with and I called John Daker I go Have you ever seen Nirvana?

Speaker 1 And he goes, yeah, I saw him with you. And I went, so I got the memory.
So now I don't even want to know if I've ever seen Michael Jordan I've seen him

Speaker 1 I've fucking seen him so the the way that you do stand-up you're a storyteller that's you're you're kind of like the fish of stand-up yeah oh yeah oh yeah I don't know if you saw last night but I'm a jam band when I tell them yeah when I tell the machine then we go into many iterations of me enjoying it as opposed to the audience yeah and then you've got fans out there that are like what's your favorite machine story and you've got like the date pulled up oh man like

Speaker 1 Santa Barbara it's all one song it's all one joke yeah Yeah.

Speaker 1 Machine story right now is probably landing at about 24 minutes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, last night, last night we sang the fucking national anthem. That was pretty cool.
Say, God bless America on the national anthem. Remix through ignition.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 he did make us all sing R. Kelly, which was a little...
Dude, as it was happening, I was like, wait, we're all just singing R. Kelly.

Speaker 2 As far as I'm concerned, you got to separate the art from the artist with R. Kelly.
Remix to Ignition will forever be a jam.

Speaker 1 Bert did put a disclaimer at the end. Yeah, I made sure that we could connect the two tissues.
Yeah, even though I just made sure that at 4 a.m. we take it back to the room and fuck children.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, he fucked kids, so just remember that.
It's hard part. It's hard when you have kids that age

Speaker 1 of what he was into. It's hard to defend that guy.
Yeah, well, yeah. I would say, even if you don't have kids.
Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, it took me to have kids before I realized pedophilia was wrong. You know, if you read enough history, you'll realize the Holocaust was pretty bad.

Speaker 1 I mean, I have a friend that doesn't read a lot of history. He thinks the numbers are weird, but

Speaker 1 no, it's

Speaker 1 cool going to these arenas. Like last night's great because it's a hockey arena, so it's 5,000.
It's intimate, in my opinion. And I think it just is, oh, it's fucking fun, man.

Speaker 1 That's awesome that you have this arena tour. I didn't realize fully.

Speaker 1 that the machine story when you first told it completely changed your life. I didn't realize you were like struggling.
Oh, yeah. And everything changed from that point.

Speaker 1 So it's actually really interesting.

Speaker 1 So I was not the comic I am today. I was a little more hacky.
I was a little more derivative of Dane Cook. I think we all were for the record.
We were rip-offs of Davitell and Dane Cook.

Speaker 1 Those were the Mitch Hedberg. They were the goats.

Speaker 1 And so I started doing podcasting, and I did a podcast with Rogan. I remember the first one I did with him, I had like bits prepared.
Oh, geez.

Speaker 1 He's not a bit guy. No.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 Joe Rogan gives you the look when you do a bit in front of him like a girl gives when you come in her and you're not supposed to.

Speaker 1 Did you just, you just fucking come at me?

Speaker 1 Did you just try to do a bit on my show? Dude,

Speaker 1 he would make you sit in the awkwardness and go, really?

Speaker 1 And so I was like, all right, never do a bit. And so in that one show, you can see it.
The bit I did was about UFC.

Speaker 1 I think they should step up the stakes and the one person wins when he can hold the other guy down and fuck him in the ass. And Joe's like, why would you say that? And I was like,

Speaker 1 I was like, well, when you don't question it, it flows a little better. But how hard would you fight, Joe? And he goes, pretty hard.
And I go, yeah, how great would it be?

Speaker 1 I mean, they'd be fights to the death. You wouldn't just, no one's tapping out.
I want to be unconscious when you fuck me in the ass.

Speaker 1 And how great would it be trying to watch Brock Lesnar get hard in the middle as the guy's waking up and he's stomping him? He's like, God damn it, I'm just trying to get hard.

Speaker 1 So in that one show, I realized.

Speaker 1 What worked with me and Joe is when you told him a good story because then he's listening, he's active listening, listening, and you're both going back and forth.

Speaker 1 And at the end of that, I told a story that he had wanted me to tell. And I said, When I come back, I'll talk, I'll tell you the story about when I got involved with the Russian mafia.

Speaker 1 And he was like, What? And I was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll tell you. And so he called me, like, I don't want to say like three weeks later, and was like, Do I need you back?

Speaker 1 Everyone's hit me up about that story. Told it, and he goes, You need to tell this on stage.
I was like, Oh, no, no, I don't do that. Like, stay, this isn't for the stage, it's for like us hanging.

Speaker 1 Right. And he was like, Are you out of your fucking mind? And Joe Rogan, this man changed my life.
Joe Rogan said on that podcast,

Speaker 1 ladies and gentlemen, if you go to his show, yell out the machine until he tells it. Do not let him do anything else.
From this point forward, he is only to be known as the machine.

Speaker 1 Where are you at next? I said, Columbus, Ohio. And he goes, everyone, make him tell the machine every show.
Oh, my God. And this is early, early times of Rogans.

Speaker 1 Like, this is like the beginning of the cult. Like, this is the beginning.
And so dudes, they called themselves Desquad Ohio. They showed up in droves and the whole show chanted the machine.

Speaker 1 And I was like, guys, guys, this guy in the front row, this is cool comedy fans, goes, hey, man, it's okay. We know it's not going to be funny, but we'll fake laugh.
I was like, what?

Speaker 1 And he goes, you got to tell it, man. You got to tell it to make it good.
And so I was like, fuck, I told it. I told that for like four years.

Speaker 1 And then the day I posted it on Facebook, like lowest day of my life, like lowest month I've ever had. Tom Segura, my best friend, is fat shaming me.
Okay. And which is going viral.

Speaker 1 It's like the funnest thing that's happening on Twitter is everyone fat shaming me. We're in a weight loss challenge that I know I'm going to lose on Rogan.

Speaker 1 I could not stop eating and Tom was losing a ton of weight. I know I'm about to have my beard shaved.
My wife is redoing our house. I got fired from travel channel.
My house is in destruction.

Speaker 1 She wants me to get a vasectomy.

Speaker 1 Literally. And I go, and I remember getting into a fight with her in the dirt of our house.
And I go, no. I go, I have questions.
And she goes, what do you need to know?

Speaker 1 And I was like, does stuff still come out? She goes, does it matter? And I go, yeah, I'm not getting for paying for a procedure. So every time my dick has an orgasm, my dick has a dry heave.
She goes,

Speaker 1 and so we got this huge fucking fight.

Speaker 1 I get pulled off a tour for Funny or Die. I was supposed to host it.
And Tom called me. This is all in the same time.
Tom calls me and he goes, man, that really sucks. It's a lot of money to lose.

Speaker 1 I go, oh, it's only two grand a week. And he goes,

Speaker 1 They're paying you two grand? And I go, yeah. And he goes, oh, I go, how much are you getting? Pivotal moment in our friendship.

Speaker 1 He goes, I don't want to tell you because I think we can't be friends anymore. I go, what? And he goes, I mean, I'll tell you, but you've got to promise that this won't fuck our friendship up.

Speaker 1 I sat like this. I put my phone on the table and I sat like this.
And I go, all right, tell me your number. And he goes, I'm getting 20 grand.
And I went, a weekend? He goes, a show. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 And I realized where I stood in the pecking order of stand-up comedy. I had supposed to do Oxnard that New Year's Eve.

Speaker 1 That New Year's Eve, I posted this on, I think, December 27th, supposed to do Oxnard that New Year's Eve. I sold no tickets.
They were paying me 25 grand for the weekend. I sold no tickets.

Speaker 1 And they said, we're going to have to reassess your guarantee for the year. I had $10,000 guarantee with $1,000 bonuses.
That story goes viral. And it overnight changes my life.
It changes my life.

Speaker 1 To the next weekend, January 10th, I go to do a show and it was sold out. And I remember saying, why are you guys here? Like, is there a convention or something? And the guy goes, the machine.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, I've retired that story. He goes, the fuck you have.

Speaker 1 The only reason I'm here, buddy, tell the fucking machine. Tell it twice, for fuck's sake.
And I've told that story every day for the past, every time I've ever done stand-up for the past six years.

Speaker 1 I'm doing a movie on it. Like, I did a movie on it.
Comes out Memorial Day weekend. Yeah, our friend Jimmy Tatro's in it.

Speaker 1 You want to hear good Jimmy Tatro? Yeah. So I have a problem with secrets.
Obviously, I think I told you I have a really hard time with secrets. I've never been good at keeping secrets.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you told us, you told me last night that Tom Screwer is on steroids. Yeah, Tom Screwer.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't believe people don't know that.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. He's been 270 pounds his whole life.
And then last year, he found discipline. Sure.

Speaker 1 Sure. Was it? No, you don't think is the proximity of him and Joe Rogan made me happen that they can share the same fucking needles? Anyway, so fucking.

Speaker 1 I love people. I'm like, I'm so proud of you, Tom.
Yeah, this exercise is super hard.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 secret time, he got my wife on steroids too.

Speaker 1 She looks fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 So, so

Speaker 1 they're like, why aren't you getting on steroids? I go, I think fat's going to be in. Everyone's losing weight.
I'm going to be fucking hot. So,

Speaker 1 I don't remember what we were talking about.

Speaker 1 Jimmy Tatro says, we're in a pool and we're having a glass of wine. And he goes, hey man, can I tell you a secret? And I go, yeah, sure.
And

Speaker 1 he tells me a secret.

Speaker 1 Jimmy will a hundred percent verify he tells me a secret the secret's over the second he stops talking I grab my phone I call the executive producer of our movie and I tell him what Jimmy just told me and Jimmy drops his jaw and he goes what what the fuck are you doing I go what I'm on the phone with him I go I'm talking to Kayla what do you need and he goes you're telling him my secret and I go yeah

Speaker 1 and he goes it's a secret I went oh, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone? And he goes, that's why I said this is a secret. You don't tell anyone.
And I went, Oh, I think I fucked up.

Speaker 1 And he was like, Yeah, you fucked up. That's a secret, man.
Don't tell anyone. I went, Uh, Cale, don't tell anyone that secret.
And hung up. I am so bad at fucking secrets.
They come out immediately.

Speaker 1 Wait, so what was the secret? I can't remember.

Speaker 2 Shit.

Speaker 2 I don't think that's as bad, though, because you told the person in front of Jimmy. No, yeah.
So it's not like you're sneaking behind his back.

Speaker 1 You're not doing it like nefariously. No, no, no.
I'm just oblivious. There was a girl that worked on that shit, on that movie, and her dad was getting married in Russia.

Speaker 1 And she told me, and I guess I told everyone. And then she came and she goes,

Speaker 1 why would you do that?

Speaker 1 I said, I don't know.

Speaker 1 You didn't want people to know? And she goes, well, no, that's why I told you privately. And I went, ah, my bad.
It's like, well, were you going to lie to everyone?

Speaker 1 And she was like, yeah, I was going to lie. I didn't want anyone to know I was going to Russia.
And then my cousin comes in and he goes, why was Tasha mad? And I said, well, her dad's going to Russia.

Speaker 1 And she didn't want me to tell anyone. He goes, and you just told me again? And I'm like, oh, shit, I'm bad at this.
Yeah, I'm horrible at secrets.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but now that it's out there it's on you if you tell bird a secret oh i would never tell me a secret ari shafir told me he got a vasectomy i'm not sure i'm allowed to tell that but okay told me i'm not sure i'm allowed to tell that is he still shooting ropes or does it just dust comes out it flies out in a car in a car to go do rogan with cigura in a car he goes can i tell you a secret and he said yeah he goes i got a vasectomy i went wow It's crazy.

Speaker 1 And he goes, don't tell anyone. I sure.
And I walk in. I go, guess who got a fucking vasectomy? And Ari goes, what the fuck? I go, you didn't want them to know?

Speaker 2 That's probably the all-time worst way to develop.

Speaker 1 Like, okay, someone gives you a secret oh i'm gonna go on the biggest podcast in the world yeah and immediately tell five million people i immediately told everyone and i was like i'm just bad at that and i and like i really try my daughter my daughters are like livid because they'll tell me something and then i just i'll take it on stage immediately

Speaker 2 and they'll be like what the fuck i was like it was funny i want to go back to the machine real quick because so as you start to gain traction yeah when you're telling this story um i guess it is kind of like like a jam band song where you have to vary it up a little bit you can't You can't just go out there the same, you know, tell the exact same story night after night.

Speaker 2 How long did it take you to start switching things up, adding things, embellishing certain other things, like being over the top with it? Like, how, what was the evolution of the machine like?

Speaker 1 So I do, so I start to sell tickets for a year and I'm doing clubs, $25 tickets, adding shows Thursdays and Sundays, sometimes Wednesdays. And it's turning into a lot of work.

Speaker 1 And I'm telling the machine to close every show out.

Speaker 1 And my wife comes and sees me in San Francisco and she goes at the end of the show she goes hey don't tell that story anymore and I said for real and she goes yeah you're phoning it in and it's not worth the money they're paying and she and I was like what she goes either tell it or don't tell it but if you're gonna tell it fucking tell it like really tell it and I went am I not telling it she goes no you because at that time I was when I was allowing myself to drink is when I told the story I did my whole sex I was working on an hour sober and then once I do that and I'd phone it in she goes fucking tell it and I go I don't know how to like, I'm like, I, it's just saying same 12 minutes verbatim is killing me.

Speaker 1 And she was like, then find fun in it. So what I would do was find ways.

Speaker 1 I would tell it as if I was telling it for the first time. And I try to find a way to write a joke.
And so I have so many jokes inside that machine story. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That I, I mean, to this, I wrote one the other day. The other day I go,

Speaker 1 I said,

Speaker 1 in the machine story, I go,

Speaker 1 we rolled in that bar cart like a big dick in a locker room. And I go, not that I've ever been that guy, but I've seen it.
And then the other day I go,

Speaker 1 we were in Europe and I said, do you remember the first time you saw a big dick? Now, this is just me writing a bit. Right.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 I say that and I go, do you remember the, because there's a pivotal moment that you realize you don't have the biggest dick in the world.

Speaker 1 Like when you just have your dick, you're like, this guy's great. And then you go into a locker room in ninth grade and you're like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 And the joke I said was, I remember going into a locker room, looking at dicks, going, oh, I thought black was a slimming color. And so, so then, and then you go, oh, I got a cool bit.

Speaker 1 Or the one I did the other night,

Speaker 1 the other, last night, which is, I wish I could put this in my act, is

Speaker 1 I told the secret time, I said, we pulled into Moscow at 6 a.m., pissed drunk, top five drunkest I've ever been in my life without throwing up. What's number one, Bert? My wedding.
Thanks for asking.

Speaker 1 Secret time, I was so drunk at my wedding, I went down on my wife, and it took me 10 minutes that night to figure out she was wearing tights.

Speaker 1 It's a good, like, I know that would be a good jumping off point.

Speaker 1 but so then I started doing that.

Speaker 1 And now, I mean, I've, I've, I've told versions of the machine like at 35 minutes where it's, you, and then you just are writing jokes inside it and having fun or, or singing a song or singing the Our Father, like just the weirdest, funnest, or, or getting deep into the story.

Speaker 1 Like, there's so many parts of that story that I don't tell. Like, we went to a strip club, me and those cops, and I had never had Indian food before.
And so I got a lap dance.

Speaker 1 The girl goes, touch or no touch. I go, who the fuck gets no touch? Yeah, right.
So she goes in, she goes, take your pants off. I go, oh, no touch.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I didn't know you were going to jerk me off.

Speaker 1 So I had never had Indian food. And apparently all the strippers had had Indian food that night.

Speaker 1 And so that smell is very distinct. But if you've never smelt it before, then you're like, what the fuck is this? Smells like wolf pussy.
And so

Speaker 1 it's the last time I ever smell Indian food, right? The first time I ever have Indian food is on my first date with my wife.

Speaker 1 second date with my wife with her friends max mat matt and emma and they go to indian i've said i've never had indian food and we walk in and i go smells like a russian whore this is amazing this is and then she goes it's indian food and then it's almost like kaiser soze i i go They must have all had Indian food that night.

Speaker 1 And that's what I fucking smelled because it smells aggressive in a lap dance. Yeah.
Oh, big time. And so I, like, we stole a boat.

Speaker 1 I'll tell the story about stealing a boat or, or, um, or like, there's so many things. And that was the fun part about making the movie is you could really get into the weeds about everything.
Right.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 I remember talking to Igor, and he was, like, asking me about drugs. And I said, oh, thinking, yeah, fuck you, I do drugs.
And he goes, why would you do that? And I was like, what?

Speaker 1 And he goes, don't you love your parents? And I was like. You're in the fucking mafia.
Yeah, what? What the fuck are you talking about? You drink like every night until you're blackout drunk.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? He was like, please don't ever do drugs again. And I was like, whoa.

Speaker 1 It was like, so like, sometimes there's parts of the story that are, are, that are a little, that are fun to get off the reservation. Yeah.
I just noticed that you're wearing a whoop bracelet.

Speaker 2 What are your, what are your whoop stats like?

Speaker 1 On tequila, way better than ever. Really? Tequila, I get great recovery.
In the green all the time. All the time.
Second I put wine or alcohol in my body, my recovery is for shit. Fucking horrible.

Speaker 1 I watch my, my real whoop thing I keep an eye on is my resting heart rate. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So like I want to make sure it's in the 60s or the 50s because once you see it's in like 70, 74, you're like, I've been partying too hard yeah yeah

Speaker 2 the anxiety yeah the thing i don't like about it is if i'm wearing one i wake up in the morning i i like wake up feeling great but it tells me i'm at like a 10 recovery boom rest my day done yeah you know i'm like this knows something going on how great is it when you fucking have a shit night's sleep and you go whoa 65 not that bad or it's gonna be worse what's your lowest recovery you ever had oh i think i had like a three one time

Speaker 2 it's like you might you might as well just not have gone to sleep at all

Speaker 1 did i even sleep you're dead yeah

Speaker 1 Do you, this is kind of an awkward question, but do you still own Hitler's teacup? Yes.

Speaker 1 Where is it? I'm not telling anybody.

Speaker 1 So last time we had Bert on, I mean, he talks about his podcasts are so funny.

Speaker 1 He and Tom, he told the story about how they keep one-upping each other with birthday gifts.

Speaker 1 And Tom's last birthday gift, he had to find something more expensive than a race car, and he bought you Hitler's teacup. Well, he's, he, what happened is

Speaker 1 he started getting really nervous.

Speaker 1 And he was like calling me and he's like, hey, can we rethink this birthday thing? Because he's like, I'm looking at, I don't know what to get you. And I'm like, it's stressing me out.

Speaker 1 And he's like, send me a wish list. And I was like, a ranch house.
Like, it was, I was saying, like, like, the price point had to be in the six figures.

Speaker 1 And then I was getting anxiety about his birthday because his birthday is in April. And I was like, I was like, this is ridiculous.
And so I said, why don't we just make it fun?

Speaker 1 I go, don't worry about the price isn't the matter. Just make it fun.
Make it something that'll make us laugh and make it good for the podcast. And he was like, great.

Speaker 1 And then he said to me, I got your present. I think you're going to be so excited.
I know you're into history. Now, everyone knows I'm really into Winston Churchill.
Like, he's my guy.

Speaker 1 I celebrate Winston Churchill's Day every January 24th or 25th. And I live like he did for one day.

Speaker 1 I wake up with a soft scotch, a cigar, eggs, toast, coffee, orange juice, jam, fruit, bacon, the whole thing in bed.

Speaker 1 I stay in bed for about three hours, drinking and smoking, reading the paper, taking meetings. I have my whole team in there this year.

Speaker 1 Three hours, then I take a bath, I have some champagne, and I drink all fucking day. I party my dick off and end the night with another scar of some brandy.

Speaker 1 So Leanne bought me like a cool like crystal set to do that with. Tom's like, he brings out a cup.
He goes, for your birthday, I got you this. And he brings out a cup.

Speaker 1 I go, this motherfucker got me Winston Churchill's teacher. I was like, this guy knows me so much better than my wife.
And he goes, grab it. And I grab it.

Speaker 1 He's like, there's 99% chance that the Fuhrer had drank from this cup. Happy birthday, buddy.
And I'm like, what?

Speaker 1 And he goes, yeah, that's Hitler's teacup. And I'm like, and by the way, this is in the middle of Kanye losing his fucking mind.

Speaker 1 And I'm holding Nazi memorabilia and I can't stop fucking laughing. I can't stop fucking laughing.
And I'm like, this is the worst gift ever. And he's like, but I know you like history.

Speaker 1 I was like, motherfucker. It's like, Jesus Christ.
So

Speaker 1 so the best part of the story though, right? The best part is my favorite part of the story. So like two weeks later,

Speaker 1 we've released the podcast. It's after my birthday.
My sister calls me and says, hey, can you drive a skateboard over at my house? I go, yeah, sure. So I get on my electric bike with a skateboard.

Speaker 1 I go to ride it by, and I got to ride by a synagogue down the street from my house. And as I do it, my bike dies.
My electric bike dies.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you ever try to pedal an electric bike, but they go really fucking slow.

Speaker 1 So now I'm pedaling an electric bike back past the synagogue and i see a jewish family hasidic jewish orthodox jewish walking towards me

Speaker 1 they get out of the bike lane and into like where the cars are parked and the dad says uh

Speaker 1 he says have a great day man and i said you too and he goes i love your shit I said, what? And he goes, Bert,

Speaker 1 I love your shit, man. You make me laugh every day.
Now we're going slow enough where we can have this conversation. And I get past him and he goes, hey, man, Hitler's teacup killed me.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Oh, God.
And I'm like, what the fuck? So then, so then I get the bike home and I'm like, that did not just happen. That did not just happen.
I get my car.

Speaker 1 I have to drive the same way to go to my sister's house. Apparently, temple's either letting out or going in.
And I see another Jewish family about to cross the street. I'm in a red light.

Speaker 1 He's at the corner. He's about to cross and he sees me.
And I'm seeing him look at me. And I went, like, hey.
And he went,

Speaker 1 like, to his heart, like, I love you. And I went, oh, thank you.
And he goes, you, teacup?

Speaker 1 And I went, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 So then that night, my next door neighbor's neighbor's from Israel right so I go over to his house with my dad with my dad that is they have everyone in their family over there we're talking 80 Jewish people are there and all the men are in one place we're drinking tequila my dad comes in and my neighbor Mike goes uh he goes hey man you're like going viral I think I said what do you mean he goes the two bears thing with you and Tom and I was like I was like oh Kool-Aid and he goes no no no and now I he goes the the teacup and my dad's like what's that I'm like my dad will not find this funny.

Speaker 1 I go, nothing, dad, nothing, dad. And then his sons come over and go, bro, we saw the clip of you with the birthday present at temple.
Bro, it's going viral.

Speaker 1 What must have happened, what I'm assuming happened is people saw that clip and read the thing and were possibly getting ready to be outraged. Right.
And they watched it. And dudes are dudes.
Right.

Speaker 1 No matter what religion or you're a dude. And if your dude fucks you up, your

Speaker 1 buddy over, it's hilarious. And they must have just laughed hysterically at it and then shared it within their community.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's kind of awesome, though, that the like Hascidic Orthodox community sees that and they're in on the joke now.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it wasn't about Hitler's teacup. It was that Tom made you hold this to your lips and then he dropped it on you.
He's like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 And here's what's problematic is Tom Sugura doesn't give a fuck either way.

Speaker 1 He doesn't care if it offends people or it doesn't offend people.

Speaker 1 It made him laugh right that's the way tom's fucking broken brain worked because i cared i was like i don't want you know whatever i i get i worry about people and i don't want people to get upset but like tom just was like this is the funniest thing i think and you but you don't like drink out of it on a daily basis no no no no i have it i well it was it was pretty problematic in my family my daughters are pretty woke and my daughters were like uh were like

Speaker 1 Isla was like, you're melting it down because it's metal. She's like, you're melting it down.
You're turning it into a butt plug for a gay black porn star.

Speaker 1 I was like, I'm taking your phone immediately.

Speaker 1 And so what I did is I bought a bunch of teacups that are similar. And so it's like the holy grail.
I know which one it is, but no one else knows who it is.

Speaker 2 So like your daughters are maybe accidentally drinking out of that teacup. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 We have it in my podcast studio. And we'll do like a Russian roulette with shots.
And someone drinks out of Hitler's teacup and no one knows who it is. Jesus.

Speaker 1 Tom wouldn't give it to me for a while. He wanted it.
He was like, he kept it. Oh, that's a problematic.
Yeah, and then Leanne's, because he bought me a statue for my birthday, too.

Speaker 1 And he was like, she goes, can you send me me the statue? And they put the teacup in there. And I was like, oh, fuck.
I thought I was going to get away with it being at Tom's type of place. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, no.

Speaker 2 You're probably like a top five hang. Oh, I think it's like you, John Daly is probably on that list.
Like people that you want to get drunk with. Yeah.

Speaker 2 When fights came back, he told me the story about the banana room or banana lounge or whatever it was. Seems like a wild time.
But I would say that for most people.

Speaker 2 You're on that bucket list, like top five dude to just get hammered with.

Speaker 1 I have a good, I get, that's why I'm lucky when we do fully loaded every year. A lot of of people are like, I'll do it just for the hang.

Speaker 1 Like, I mean, we pay everyone well, but like, a lot of people are like, the hang's the best part. The hang is, I'm a good hang.
I'm a fun hang. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I love chaos and I love, and I'm good at highlighting when chaos happens. Like, that banana room story is great.
It's great.

Speaker 1 Then when she finger, uh, anally assaults Feidelberg with it with her high heel and then puts it in his mouth, great moment.

Speaker 1 But it's even better when E from Entourage runs in the fucking room, catches a flying dildo. Hey, what's up, everybody? Like those fucking moments.
I live for that. I live for that.
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so tomorrow, or I guess Saturday, we're going to go on your cooking show. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 If there happened to be mushrooms around,

Speaker 1 we actually drove mushrooms. Okay, great.
I actually made that request already to. For real? Yeah.
Yeah. To our producer.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I actually, I know the best mushroom dude in the world. He lives in Arizona.
So yeah, we would, that would be, that would be fun. Oh, yeah.
I got you covered.

Speaker 1 I got you covered. This guy.
That sounds good. This guy told me one time, he's a good, big golfer, too.
He said,

Speaker 1 he's like, if you want mushrooms, just let me know. And I was like, sure.
And he gave me like four ounces of mushrooms. I go, bro, this is a felony.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? You don't give someone a felony. Education.

Speaker 1 She's 13. I just got done having sex with a jury bird.
You're like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I got the best mushroom guy in the world. Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I got to hit him up. I'll hit him up tonight.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Perfect. I know it's decriminalizing Colorado, so you can go there.

Speaker 2 They're having having like a big psychedelic convention i think this weekend aaron rodgers is going to be the keynote speaker of it out there for real i feel like most people that but is aaron rogers really doing mushrooms yeah yeah he's every he did ayahuasca he's a drug addict he changed his whole perspective

Speaker 2 he is i i he needs help but if you're if you're like really into to psychedelics i feel like aaron rodgers is the last person that you want to hear talking about him no i oh i it's like you might as well get like if what if i think trump would actually be a better speaker at a psychedelic convention than Aaron Rodgers would be.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something right now.

Speaker 1 Aaron Rodgers is

Speaker 1 one of my favorite hangs because that guy's heavy with secrets. Oh, yeah.
Oh, I had, he, we did secret time on the bus to the point where I was like, yo, cameras are on, bro.

Speaker 1 Like, someone turn the fucking cameras off. He was.
He was great.

Speaker 2 You got to get Aaron Rodgers' secret?

Speaker 1 I got so many good Aaron Scott.

Speaker 2 You should tell us just one.

Speaker 1 I can't tell you one. No, I mean, Bert, come on.
I need to change the subject now

Speaker 1 because I'm counting on his friendship. Oh, come on.
Just one. Just one sec.
Just one.

Speaker 1 A medium secret.

Speaker 2 Not one he would.

Speaker 1 I can't tell you a medium secret.

Speaker 1 I can't. I might just fucking stop changing subject.

Speaker 1 Just one. Just one.

Speaker 1 We were all sitting in there like, oh,

Speaker 1 is Aaron Rodgers on Truth Serum?

Speaker 1 He was awesome. He was awesome.
I don't like that. That's fine.
Yeah, I got it.

Speaker 1 I love Aaron.

Speaker 1 He's doing his best thing about being friends with Aaron Rodgers. He's the first number in your phone.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah, because it's A-A-R-O-N.
Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so anytime anyone grabs my phone, they're like, fuck, fucking Aaron Rodgers? And I was like, yeah. Yeah, there it is.
Yeah. All right.
So you got to do the other shows.

Speaker 1 So I'll have, we'll wrap it up with one last question.

Speaker 1 How long do you think you're going to live?

Speaker 1 I think about that a lot. I wonder, so I don't have a lot of the issues that I know dudes that live my lifestyle have because I work out really hard.
I work out,

Speaker 1 I take care of myself. Like I'm looking at fucking Shane Gillis last night, right?

Speaker 1 If he lives to 42, I'll be shocked.

Speaker 1 He's here. He's strong.

Speaker 1 He's a bull. Yeah, he is a bull.
But he comes at like at three in the morning. And by the way, I'm in bed.

Speaker 1 I called it early last night. I got in bed at one.
Shane gets in bed at three, stays out. This morning, I'm up at seven in the fucking morning.
I'm going to do radio row. I'm doing interviews.

Speaker 1 I come back. I have hairstylists coming over to cut everyone's hair.
I got a chiropractor. We're making breakfast.
We're running meetings. We're working on social media shit.
Shane's still in bed.

Speaker 1 Locked his door. No, no,

Speaker 1 I can't.

Speaker 1 You'll see him. And when he comes, he'll look like a million bucks because I had a hairstylist waiting for him to cut his hair when he woke up.

Speaker 1 But like, dudes like him and Mark Norman, they party, but for some reason, they're rebound. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 1 I think if I had to give you a real number, a real number,

Speaker 1 I got the 50s. 50s, I'll be fine.
I won't have any health problem in my 50s. 60s, I'll have a scare, but it's not going to be a big one.
It'll be like, oh shit, we found a pile up.

Speaker 1 And I'll be like, and they're like, it's non-benign. I'm like, okay, okay, we're fine.
We're fine. Okay.

Speaker 1 70s, I'm going to break something like a hip, you know.

Speaker 1 I think if I can make it.

Speaker 1 If I can make it to 77, I think I'll make it to 77 clean. And I think I'm gonna go like from like a shark attack or something.
Really? I'm like,

Speaker 1 I need this. Oh, I'm hoping my death surprises people.
I wanted to, I want it. I don't want, I definitely, well, I can't.

Speaker 1 I mean, listen, real honestly, I can't go out from like some like something where it's partying associated because everyone goes, that's why I don't do Coke anymore.

Speaker 1 It's because if you do Coke and I fucking have a heart attack, everyone's like, we saw that coming. Right.
That's why I don't do Coke.

Speaker 1 I want to get like attacked by an animal or like a plane crash would be nice. Yeah.
Someone got murdered by my wife. I'd be cool as fuck.

Speaker 2 Something where they don't have the obituary ready to go. They have to do like a big rewrite of it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, you ever hear the story about Marcus Garvey? No. So Marcus Garvey, you know who he is? A big

Speaker 1 African-American activist from Jamaica in like the 20s and 30s when that shit was not happening in the South at all. And he went to New York, started really big in New York.

Speaker 1 He gets fucked by Jagger Hoover and gets exiled over to the UK. His wife leaves him.
He's 52, 52, right? Wife leaves him, takes the kids in the UK. He's had strokes.
He's an alcoholic.

Speaker 1 He's not doing well.

Speaker 1 Can't even leave the bed. The only thing he sees every morning is the paper.
And he's reading the paper one morning. Do you know this story?

Speaker 1 He's reading the paper one morning and he sees Marcus Garvey has died. And he's like, what the fuck? I'm right here.
What is he talking about? Flips the next page. Marcus Garvey, dead as fuck.

Speaker 1 And he's like, hang on, that can't be right. Grabs another paper.
All the papers report that he's dead.

Speaker 1 And then they all start writing op-ed pieces about Marcus Garvey and shitting on him him non-stop.

Speaker 2 Fuck this guy.

Speaker 1 Even his friends, his friends who are the biggest activists, he meant nothing to the movement. He was a narcissist and he had to read every single one of them for a week.

Speaker 1 He read every single one of them. At the end of the week, he fucking died.
Oh, God. What? Knowing that everyone hated him.
And then he died. No.
Died. Fucking, that's not how I want to go out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't have that. That's not how I want a fucking sailboat accident or something.

Speaker 1 Fucking jet ski into a fucking, into, into like a whale or something where everyone's like, whoa, way too soon. Yeah.
Way too soon. Damn.
You know, you don't want to.

Speaker 1 I knew a dude who was cutting his toenails on a glass table and the table broke and he cut his fucking femur artery.

Speaker 3 That's how he died.

Speaker 1 That's how he fucking died. Like a jackass, naked out of the shower, bled to death with toenail clippers in his hands.

Speaker 1 Not me, not me. I'm not a sucker.
No, no.

Speaker 1 If my daughters kill me, that would be cool.

Speaker 1 Like a wolf. It's fucking great to go out like Tristan in Legend of the Falls, where you just, you and a bear, and you know, oh, I want to save some kids.
That's what I want. That's what I want.

Speaker 1 That's how I want to die. And then just to know, this is how it ends.

Speaker 2 Maybe the bear respects you. Maybe you like chip a bear's tooth.
Like you connect one solid punch.

Speaker 1 I want to be found dead in a dead bear's grip.

Speaker 1 Just me and a dead. Two worthy opponents.
Yeah. And people go, man,

Speaker 1 wonder who died first.

Speaker 2 I mean, that might happen just with Tom.

Speaker 1 That's true. That's true.

Speaker 2 Bert found dead in a bear shot.

Speaker 1 Dude, I did not want to die in a car accident with Tom. And that is how that guy's going to die.

Speaker 1 That is how that guy's going to die. He drives like a fucking asshole, like a 16-year-old asshole.

Speaker 1 He does the pedals. You know the pedals that you never use? He fucking uses them.

Speaker 2 So last, last question. If you do die in a car accident with Tom, if you're in the same car, who gets top billing?

Speaker 2 That's a good question. Oh, man.
Our plane crash. Plane goes down.
No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Tom and I will never be on the same flight.

Speaker 1 I don't know. That's a great question.

Speaker 2 I think you guys would be co-headliners.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I hope so.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that ever.

Speaker 1 I was on a flight with Action Bronson a few years ago, and I was like, well, if this goes down, this sucks for me. Oh, that's what I love about Flying Private is I'm the one that they talk about.

Speaker 1 My team is never going to be mentioned.

Speaker 1 I was sitting next to my cameraman one time on a flight from Travel Channel, and it was a bad flight, and it was turbulence, and I was freaking out. And

Speaker 1 he was like, What's the matter? And I go,

Speaker 1 I'm scared. And he goes, About what? I go, That we're going to die.
And he goes, So what? And I go, Dude, I haven't done anything with my life. I literally haven't done anything with my life.

Speaker 1 I haven't lived. And he looks at me and goes, Do you have any idea how fucking insulting that is? I said, What do you mean? He goes, All I've done is film your life.

Speaker 1 And you're saying you haven't done shit, then I really haven't done shit. And he's like, Fuck, you need to live.
No, I, I, I, yeah, I, I would like, uh, I want my death to be shocking.

Speaker 1 I want to, I want to go, like, no way. Yeah.
You know, I don't want it to be, I don't want it to be a car accident. That's something.
I want it to be like, like, really, like,

Speaker 1 snake bite or something. Yeah.
Snake bite. Shark would be cool as fuck.
Shark would be. Like, shark would be cool because it would catch you off guard.

Speaker 1 And then there's a moment you're like, oh, that's what a shark feels like. You know? Yeah.
And then, and then you'd be like, whoa,

Speaker 1 that would be, that would be great.

Speaker 1 Hopefully, next time we have you on you're still alive i will be yeah 77.

Speaker 1 um burt kreiser go see don't don't wait till i'm 77 to have me on again yeah you're right you're right you're right what if i die between now and saturday

Speaker 1 well what we have to do is we'll wait to release this because that would be awesome for us and will you still do something's burning and just and just sit there and no one talk moment of silence yeah oh that's what i want

Speaker 1 no i want to keep my podcast going but it's called moment of silence and people come on my podcast and they just sit there silent for an hour. And then someone just like bursts the show.

Speaker 2 You know, it'd be a real shame if you died and you had all these secrets about Aaron Rodgers that you never told anybody.

Speaker 1 Don't worry. I'm going to record them and put them out posthumously so that I go, if you're seeing this right now, I'm dead and Aaron Rodgers is fucked.

Speaker 1 I love it. I love it.
All right, Bert. Thanks so much.
Thank you. Appreciate it.

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Speaker 1 Before we do Lottery Ball, Breaking Moose.

Speaker 1 Breaking Moose.

Speaker 1 New York Times bestseller on the way.

Speaker 1 So it's a post. I'll let you guess.
PFT said, Decide to start writing my book on lessons learned in business and baseball. And then it's just a blank page.
It says book on the top.

Speaker 1 That's A-Rod. That is A-Rod.
That's A-Rod. Watch out.
New York Times bestseller. We're on our way.

Speaker 2 His Google Doc is titled Book.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That Rocks.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 Also, he's got the...

Speaker 1 No, it's not a Google Doc. It's just a piece of paper.
Okay, nice.

Speaker 1 He's got the hot dogs out. Yeah, he's got the hot dogs out big time.
Big time. So get excited.

Speaker 2 I, for one, am looking forward to Alex Rodriguez.

Speaker 7 What's the first thing you do when you start writing a book?

Speaker 1 Stir right. Write a book.
And then take a picture. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you write a book on the top so everyone knows the book is coming. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Numbers. Hank, have you ever gotten this? Nope.
Six and six. Nope.
No, I'm not. Check the tape.
Six and nine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, please. Okay, one, two, three, six, nine.
Check the tape at the end of the day. I did one.
I won. One, two, three.
I won. No, he's not.
I won. Yes, I did.

Speaker 10 Check the tape.

Speaker 1 18. Oh, man.
I can see see right here, actually. Let's put it up to a vote.
You can see the levels.

Speaker 7 PFT is come and start earlier.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Look.

Speaker 10 I want second eyes on that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's going to hit Billy time.

Speaker 2 Check the tape, Billy.

Speaker 2 Check the tape, Billy.

Speaker 1 99.

Speaker 1 Check the tape.

Speaker 1 Who's it? Who's not? Okay, we'll split it. We'll split it.
Yeah, I got it.

Speaker 1 Billy's been working on

Speaker 2 his throat muscles for chugging all week. His mouth has got it.

Speaker 1 He doesn't get it out fast enough. Please buy the tickets.

Speaker 1 What's your number? 96.

Speaker 11 96. 20.

Speaker 2 This is our first in-person.

Speaker 1 I've gone in like three weeks. 17.

Speaker 11 I could really use this.

Speaker 1 Why? You don't have the money?

Speaker 2 Nah, I got it. I got it.
I got it.

Speaker 1 17.

Speaker 1 What was your guess, Hank?

Speaker 3 99 for JJ.

Speaker 7 If he betrayed me, and that's 17.

Speaker 1 I'm back.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 44. You're never getting it.
That was close. That was close.
You're never getting it.

Speaker 7 It was two of the same number. You're never getting it.

Speaker 8 That's the Syracuse number. I should have picked it up this weekend.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't go away from it.

Speaker 1 Shadow Obama.

Speaker 2 Love you guys.

Speaker 16 Killer whales used to help whalers hunt other whales by the law of the tongue. Whereas if you gave them the tongue, the killer whales would help the whalers kill the whales.

Speaker 1 It's actually really cool. Cool.

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone,

Speaker 1 needless to say, I've all decided.

Speaker 1 So I learned that life is okay Say after me

Speaker 1 so bad to be safe and sorry

Speaker 1 to be safe and sorry

Speaker 1 to be safe and sorry

Speaker 1 take on the take me

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 the I'm

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 settle, baby,

Speaker 1 metal, battle, medal, bad, bad.