Blake Bortles, 1 Question With Kirk Cousins, MNF Recap + MLB Playoffs

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 3 Man, I'll tell you what, when you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts.

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Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk chocolate. It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 3 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this.
Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 3 Snickers satisfies, man.

Speaker 6 That's a winning play.

Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have a packed show for you. We have our good friend Blake Bortles

Speaker 1 talking about his retirement, catching up on everything. We have one question with the quarterback, with Kirk Cousins.
He just basically owned us in the one question segment.

Speaker 1 I hate, I hate Kirk Cousins. He owned us.
He owned us. We have listener roasts with chaps.
We have some Monday night football cleanup, talk a little playoff baseball coming up.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna

Speaker 1 Pardon my take

Speaker 1 presented by Barstool Sports.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take presented by Game Time, the exclusive ticketing app of Barstool Sports. Today is Wednesday, October 12th.

Speaker 1 And what do you say, Hank? You don't think it's October 12th? That's how we start. October 12th,

Speaker 1 the time is escaping us, and

Speaker 1 the Raiders are kind of back. A little bit frisky back.

Speaker 2 They're back, but this was the most obvious Chiefs are going to win this game of all time. Ever.
When they went down, was it 17?

Speaker 1 17, nothing.

Speaker 2 Not to brag, I did live bet the Chiefs money line, but it was pretty obvious that the Chiefs were kind of like a sleeping giant at that point, and Travis Kelsey was just not.

Speaker 2 They just weren't guarding him. They're like, okay, we're going to put 25 on him.
Hope that he can run with him. No, it's not going to happen.

Speaker 2 I feel like Travis Kelsey, if the Chiefs really, really wanted to, he could score four touchdowns every single game.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it was a very fun Monday night football game. Very exciting after a couple tough watches on the island games, the standalone games.

Speaker 1 I do think that Mahomes should just be all-time quarterback. Someone actually, in my replies, had a great rule that it should just be Mahomes to start the season.

Speaker 1 And then if someone beats the Chiefs, they become the all-time Monday Night Football team. And then you just go from there.

Speaker 1 So it's just like Mahomes is going to play on Monday Night Football every week until they lose. And then the team that beats them deserves to get the Monday Night Football crown.

Speaker 1 And we just keep passing it off there because every game that Patrick Mahomes is involved in is fun. It's fun to watch.
It was exciting.

Speaker 1 The Raiders are the periders, the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Raiders being a team that are fun on paper and can have deep bombs and like Josh Jacobs running everywhere.

Speaker 1 And then when their defense just can't tackle anyone and you know it's inevitable they're going to lose. It's just nice to know like, the Raiders play fun games, but they're not a good football team.

Speaker 1 They're not really a threat,

Speaker 2 but they're always fun when they show up. We also had a good little analytics debate last night.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 A lot of debates.

Speaker 2 If there was a way to measure whether or not an actual word being spoken out loud was trending in the world last night, analytics as a word was trending in the United States last night.

Speaker 2 And roughing the pastor. And roughing the pastor.
But the analytics at the time, we can get to roughing the pasture. I've got an idea for that one, too.

Speaker 2 But analytics has become maybe the most overused word in the English language right now. Correct.

Speaker 2 If Joe or Troy want to talk about a number that they're confused about, they just say that it's analytics. Yes.

Speaker 2 If there's a number that makes you angry and upset or confused, you just say, oh, it's just analytics stuff.

Speaker 1 It's bullshit analytics.

Speaker 2 Bullshit analytics. I was saying that, like, yeah, if you get a DUI, oh, I blew a 0.09, fucking analytics.
Stephen scale, fucking analytics on the scale. My IQ test, analytics.

Speaker 2 But Troy was getting upset because he didn't understand what was happening at the end of games. I actually think both calls were right.
I don't know anything about analytics.

Speaker 2 My brain doesn't understand. It's not a computer.

Speaker 2 But I do understand the fact that if you're the Chiefs and you go for two in that instance, what you're doing is, and we can set the stage a little bit. So the Chiefs score a touchdown, right?

Speaker 2 They go up seven points. So they could either kick the extra point and go up eight, or they could go for two.
If they get it, they go up nine. It's a two-possession game.

Speaker 1 The reverse, Billy. People were saying Billy was right.
Billy was not right. Billy, if you remember on our Sunday night debate, he was saying if you're up eight, you should go for two to be up 10.

Speaker 1 Which is kind of sweet, but makes no sense.

Speaker 2 Zero sense whatsoever.

Speaker 2 Immediate firing if the coach does that.

Speaker 1 No, I had a lot of people being like, Billy was right. Apologize to Billy.
It's like, no, no, no. That was never the debate.
I understand what the Chiefs were doing. They were going from...

Speaker 1 They already were up seven. They could go up two scores.
There's not a lot of difference between being up seven and being up eight, but there is a difference between being up eight and being up nine.

Speaker 1 Just like there's not a lot of difference between being up nine or being up ten those are both two possessions yeah billy you weren't you weren't calculating in vibes i wasn't you were

Speaker 1 analyzes like the vibes on analytics it's a blind spot yeah but you should make analytics for vibes though yeah i mean you should actually have a uh you should like tweet how you know how the the bot tweets like this punt gave them a point you know two percent chance more of winning or this going forward on fourth down was a 2.5 percent chance in the win column you should just do a vibes analytics for these big Monday night football games.

Speaker 2 Yeah, big decision. Let me know how much this decision will make the boys buzz on the sidelines.
That's what I want.

Speaker 10 I mean, going for it on fourth and one, going for a touchdown, like that was based on vibes.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 You know what actually was, you know, what was a terrible vibes call by the Raiders was kicking a field goal in the first half to go up 17 instead of going for it again, where they were just like, that's the part of analytics that always makes you laugh is that you can tell some coaches, we'll just do it off vibes.

Speaker 1 Where it's like, the coaches that are just, hey, we're in or we're out. You can't like choose when you want to be doing it by the numbers and when you don't because that's not how the numbers work.

Speaker 2 Brandon Staley started out his career being a guy that stuck to that. Now I think there is some vibes in that.
Yeah, there's a pain with his decision.

Speaker 1 Vibes analytics do not work.

Speaker 2 So the last two decisions that they made, I think they might work. I want to see, Billy, I'm going to wait until I see your formula to make a full judgment of it, but I do want, this is an assignment.

Speaker 2 Now, when I'm looking at you right now and I'm saying this,

Speaker 2 this is actually something that you have to do, Billy. Okay, you have to create analytics for vibes.
Vibes. Okay, that's an assignment.
But I like both the calls at the end of the game.

Speaker 1 I agree with all of them.

Speaker 2 I liked when the Chiefs went for two, and then when the Raiders had the option to either tie the game by kicking an extra point or go for two.

Speaker 2 I love go for two because, and this is the new wrinkle in analytics that I've learned this year. You know how we learned about the 14 points analytics?

Speaker 2 If you tie it up, if you just tie it up,

Speaker 2 you're like essentially, essentially, it's something like you're giving them a fourth, you're giving, you're encouraging them to go for it on fourth down.

Speaker 1 Well, and it's, it's, people were playing the results after where they don't get it, and then the Chiefs end up punting.

Speaker 2 I'll just say this right now.

Speaker 1 If the Chiefs needed to score on that last drive, they would have scored on that last drive. It was so easy for them in the second half.
They had, it felt like every single possession,

Speaker 1 whatever the third down play was, a guy was just wide open and they would convert it. So for that, just just from that alone, I actually agree with Josh McDaniels because

Speaker 1 you're not stopping the Chiefs. You like, it's just probably not going to happen, you know.

Speaker 1 And if you do, you're going to want to try to be like, you're not going to stop them and then go to overtime and stop them again.

Speaker 1 Try to get a lead and then try your fucking best to hold them to a field goal where their field goal kicker sucked because Bucker was out. I just,

Speaker 1 I agree with that move, knowing how gassed that Raiders' defense was, where it's like, hey, guys, we got to just nut up and try to get one one single stop or force a field goal attempt instead of let's tie, let the Chiefs, like, you know, basically get to run their offense and best case scenario, we'll go to overtime where the Chiefs are probably going to score again.

Speaker 1 Yep. So I did agree with Josh Matatos, but the other story was the roughing the passer.

Speaker 1 I had a bet on the Raiders, so I was trolling saying that it was a great call. It was obviously a terrible call.

Speaker 1 I will say, though, for Chiefs fans complaining, I've never seen a game where the makeup calls were

Speaker 1 so...

Speaker 1 they I mean the the ref that clip of the ref the ref was like had like tears in his throat it was he was so scared of the the the arrowhead is one of the last true home advantage places in the NFL so shout out to Chiefs fans because they were so fucking loud but it was it swung so hard in the second half and uh yeah we have a we have an issue with the NFL the roughing the passer stuff is a problem uh it sucks that it happened the day after the Brady thing because I always do think there's like one or two of these a year that you just have to be like okay, that sucks, but hopefully it doesn't keep happening in big games.

Speaker 1 The fact that it happened in back-to-back days definitely now feels like everyone's going to be like, there's a huge problem, and the NFL will probably overreact and do something stupid.

Speaker 2 So here's what the NFL is going to do. I know how Roger Goodell works.
He's going to hear what people are complaining about, and then he's going to make Roughing the Pass reviewable.

Speaker 2 And a lot of people are saying they should do that. Chris Jones was saying that's the way to fix the problem last night.
That's not the way to fix the problem.

Speaker 1 Well, what it did,

Speaker 2 what's going to happen is it's going to make the problem 10 times worse because you're going to have 10-minute reviews of referees reviewing a subjective call, and then no one's going to agree whether or not it's roughing the pass or not on the review.

Speaker 2 The ref is going to piss everybody off if they overturn it. It's going to make things so much worse.

Speaker 2 The unintended consequences in this are going to absolutely make the problem even worse somehow than it already has.

Speaker 1 That solves the problem.

Speaker 1 The exact same as pass interference, where everyone had. Yeah, everyone freaked out about pass interference, made pass interference reviewable.

Speaker 1 Everyone freaked out because it made the game annoying and longer and stupid reviews. Then we went back to just no review on pass interference.
So that's just the solution. No, here's reviewable for

Speaker 1 roughing the passer. Everyone's going to be like, this sucks.
And then we go back to the old way.

Speaker 2 Here's what we do. It's very simple.
Just get rid of the stupid fucking rule that's no landing on the quarterback with your body weight. That rule makes no possible.

Speaker 1 Unless it helps me.

Speaker 2 It makes zero possible. Like, it got put into place because Aaron Rodgers hurt his shoulders.
It's Anthony Barr.

Speaker 2 That's why the rule was invented, because Aaron Rodgers couldn't stand having somebody land on him.

Speaker 2 I understand that as a quarterback, you're 185 pounds sometimes if you're Kyler Murray or whatever, and you're getting landed on by a 300-pound person.

Speaker 2 It's not going to feel good, but guess what? Like, I'm going to pull out the that's football card. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's football. Part of football is getting tackled.
Dude.

Speaker 2 And it stinks, especially if you've got so much invested in a quarterback if they separate a shoulder because a big offense or a big defensive lineman lands on them. But guess what?

Speaker 2 By the laws of physics, it's impossible for a big guy to be tackling a little guy and then to move off of him in mid-air.

Speaker 2 So either number one, take away the right to hit the quarterback at all and be like, you get two hands on him, he's down.

Speaker 2 If you shove him hard enough and say a mean word to him, that counts as a sack.

Speaker 2 That's option number one or two, just get rid of the landing on rule because it's the only possible way to not have your full body weight land on somebody after you've hit them.

Speaker 2 And I think we talked about this two years ago, would literally be if you threw up in midair and got rid of some of your body weight before you landed on them.

Speaker 2 But by the laws of physics, it's impossible for them to stop. So just get rid of that stupid fucking rule.

Speaker 1 And shout out Troy Aikman showing his frustration, saying that you got to take off the dresses and just play football.

Speaker 1 I'm happy, by the way, that the reaction to that wasn't over the top, Troy Aikman should be canceled because I was like bracing for that.

Speaker 1 And then I think, like, there was, I saw a couple tweets, but it was like felt like for the most part, everyone's like, yeah, you know what? He's right. Let's fucking play football.

Speaker 1 Let's just play football. Like, that's, that's a football play through and through.
There's nothing you can do about it. It sucks that guys get injured, but guys get injured all the time.

Speaker 1 Imagine being like an offensive lineman or a defensive lineman or wide receiver, a slot wide receiver, and like knowing that you're just putting

Speaker 1 your health at risk every play. And then that happens and you're like, what are we doing here?

Speaker 1 So that's football.

Speaker 2 It was so dumb because he took away the ball before he even landed on him. Right.
So Chris Jones actually became the ball carrier before he went to the ground.

Speaker 2 If anything, that roughing was on Derek Carr.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He shouldn't have been there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He should have let Chris Jones fall naturally, not be underneath him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so just get rid of the stupid fucking rule, Roger Goodell.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 they will do the review. They will do that process, and then we'll get upset about the review, and then everything will get fixed.

Speaker 1 And then in like five years, another big call will happen, and we'll get mad again. And that's just like the one thing I don't understand is when people are like the NFL officiating is terrible.

Speaker 1 Every sport has officiating problems because every, like, whenever there's a call that sucks, everyone gets upset about it.

Speaker 1 I don't really know what the, like, think about how much we've complained about umps. Think about how much we've complained about basketball refs.

Speaker 1 Like every sport has officiating issues because it's a very fucking hard job to do.

Speaker 2 What do you think is the worst refereed sport? I think it's probably NBA.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people will say NBA. That was my point.
I saw a lot of people being like, NFL has an officiating problem. It's like, welcome to every sport that we watch on TV.
You know what?

Speaker 2 These are like superhuman gladiators running faster than any humans ever run before. And

Speaker 2 their feet are like just tiptoeing along the sidelines. And then you've got guys like six, at least six, probably eight guys that are over 300 pounds punching each other all over their bodies.

Speaker 2 on any given play you can't see everything you can't the human eye can't and there's going to be judgment calls that they get wrong.

Speaker 1 So I just laugh whenever it's the NFL has officiating problems because you're basically telling me you've never watched like a Boboroski Big Ten game. I think that the NFL.

Speaker 1 If you watch college basketball, you know there's officiating problems everywhere.

Speaker 2 I think the NFL has just a rule book problem because their idea to solve. Too many rules.
Yes, their idea to solve every problem is like just make another rule.

Speaker 1 A minute rule. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Everyone has to be like, wait, what is this rule?

Speaker 2 And then it takes the average fan like three years to figure out what the rule is and then they change it back because the new rule is not working.

Speaker 2 And then average fans are like, wait, why aren't we calling this? Oh, that already got removed because the rule sucked.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we had defensive holding on a field goal. Yeah.
That was wild. That was, that was, yeah, that was one.
That was another one of those makeup calls.

Speaker 2 There were so many makeup calls. I likened it to like the Kobe move where you cheat on your wife and then you get her a giant ring.
You're a chief ring to apologize.

Speaker 2 The ring that these refs got for the Kansas City fans was ginormous.

Speaker 1 And it was, I mean, it was the Patrick Mahomes show. It felt like he could do anything he wanted at any point.
The Chiefs are still the scariest team in the NFL when they get it rolling. You know,

Speaker 1 that second half, it was just like, it wasn't a matter of if, it was just when the Chiefs would just start blitzing them with points. Yeah.
There was nothing they could do.

Speaker 1 Like, the Raiders were completely helpless. Could they hold on?

Speaker 1 They barely did. And thanks to Derek Carr just bombing it to Devontae Adams a couple times, which that was a sick pass.
Yeah, it was. And Devontae Adams, the other story.

Speaker 1 There was a lot of stories out of Monday Night Football. Devontae Adams pushing a camera guy.

Speaker 1 One of the,

Speaker 1 obviously, I had fun with it. It was like, oh, he learned this in Green Bay.
But then Devontae Adams, his apology was quite something. He said, I want to apologize to the guy.

Speaker 1 There was some guy running off the field and he ran, like jumped in front of me coming off the field, and I bumped into him, kind of pushed him, and he ended up on the ground.

Speaker 2 That is, that is, he must not realize that we all watched it because that's the lightest, like saying someone ran in front of me and I kind of pushed pushed them we saw it you shoved them the guy jumped right out in front of a big cat he was he came out of nowhere it was like the guy wearing the steadiest yeah it was it was the deer defense in which case if you're driving a car they tell you to steer into the deer because it's safer that way Devontae Adams maybe the funniest part about this was he was wearing a helmet that said stop hate on the back of it as he's shoving a guy over onto his head it was it was a nice little uh cherry on top where it what it did feel like there was five different storylines that came out of this game I think maybe my biggest dad take that i have when i'm watching football these days is when somebody runs somebody over on the sideline whether it's a cameraman or someone holding the giant satellite dish that picks up the sound the audio um i love it when a player like stops everything that they're doing like bends over helps them up like pats them sportsmanship maybe their hat fell off when they in the collision they pick up the guy's hat and put the guy's hat back on his head yeah and then runs back back out to the field that should be a reverse penalty that should be you get five yards you get an additional five yards for that yeah just helping the people on the sideline.

Speaker 1 We also had

Speaker 1 like a PTSD flashback because that last play,

Speaker 1 or the second to last play, Devontae Adams didn't get both feet in bounds. Matt Nagy was standing right there waving it incomplete, like in the ref's face.
Oh, good call, man. Where the fuck?

Speaker 1 Where the fuck did he come from? And the Hunter Renfro, Devontae Adams just running into each other. That was so Raiders.

Speaker 1 That's where I'm like, yeah, it's good to know the Raiders are still the Raiders. They lead the league in just stupid shit that happens to them.

Speaker 1 And you walk away from a game being like, I think they're good, but they can't stop doing stupid shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, the Chiefs winning that game against the Raiders was a. It felt like a no-brainer, even when they were down by 17 points.

Speaker 2 I actually think the only way that you could have it so that it was remotely fair with the Chiefs playing in these types of games, if Patrick Mahomes was the Chiefs' field goal kicker, I think that would kind of even things out.

Speaker 2 If you just took away their ability entirely to make field goals, but you also still made them

Speaker 1 better. Try to make sure that

Speaker 2 you have to try.

Speaker 1 Just pretend that they have a bad field goal kicker. He'd be awesome.
You know he'd be awesome. He's awesome at everything.

Speaker 2 If you get Patrick Mahomes pissed off on the sidelines, you're fucked. And he was out there.
He was doing the like.

Speaker 1 I'm him. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he was mad. And he was.
I'm here.

Speaker 1 It was a crazy game because I took the Raiders plus seven and a half, and they were covering for literally all 60 minutes.

Speaker 1 And all 60 minutes felt like torture because of Patrick Mahomes is that scary of a player and that good of a quarterback.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've got some stats here. So we're talking about the roughing the passer, the one against Tom Brady yesterday.
This was fascinating from recurring guest Warren Sharp.

Speaker 2 This is something that we need to remember during the playoffs. So Jerome Boger was that referee.

Speaker 2 Since 2016, home favorites and divisional games with Jerome Boger are 18 and 3 on the money line. In the same 21 divisional games, home teams are 12, 7, and 2 against the spread with Boger.

Speaker 2 Home favorites of 7 points or more in that 21 21-game span are 4-2-1, and divisional games hit at 60% clip. And Boger has officiated four Buccaneers games in the Brady era.

Speaker 2 Tampa Bay is averaging 32.5 points per game. At home, that increases to 35.5.
So, Jake, if we get Jerome Boger as an official for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the playoffs, it's hammer time.

Speaker 2 Hammer time. Hammer, hammer time.

Speaker 1 Absolute hammer time.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, that was, I mean, it was was a fun game. You can't really ask for more out of Monday Night Football to have like six different storylines come out of this game.
And

Speaker 1 I still think the Raiders aren't that bad. No, they're good.

Speaker 2 No, no, I'll go one step further. I think that they're good.
They're just not good at winning football games.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 They're good at playing football games, not winning football games.

Speaker 1 And they have,

Speaker 1 they could rattle off some wins coming up. Like, they could get back in this.
Texans, Saints, Jaguars,

Speaker 1 that feels like Texas Saints, Jaguars, Colts, that feels like a 3-1 stretch for them.

Speaker 2 I'll put it this way: even though they're, what, one and four? Yeah. I still think they're a much better team than the Denver Broncos.
Yes.

Speaker 1 They're much better than a lot of teams that have two, three wins. Yeah.
Including the Bears, including the Jets, I would say.

Speaker 1 Even though no disrespect to the Jets, I think the Raiders probably are a better team overall. Yeah.
But yeah, you are what your record says you are. So I guess I can't make that argument.

Speaker 1 Billy, you should be happy. Jets are three and two.

Speaker 9 They're going to have a great game against the Packers.

Speaker 1 Oh, also, really?

Speaker 2 I think so. Okay.

Speaker 2 This was a great moment and part of my take accidentally just fucking nailing something on Monday when we were wrapping up with the Giants game and how their offense reminds us of the Chiefs. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Speaking for myself, I don't know if you knew this, but Kafka is their offensive coordinator who was the offensive.

Speaker 2 He wasn't like the coordinator that was B enemy, but he was like helping with calling the plays

Speaker 2 in Kansas City. So they are running the Chiefs offense just without one player.

Speaker 1 With anyone. Without anyone.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's do some

Speaker 1 MOB playoffs and college football talk.

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Speaker 1 Let's start with baseball.

Speaker 1 Jake,

Speaker 1 Yankees,

Speaker 1 the Yankees.

Speaker 4 How we feeling?

Speaker 1 This is recording

Speaker 1 before game ones.

Speaker 1 We will do, once the playoffs get deep, we will be recording after some of the playoff games. But this is your part of my take preview of the ALDS and the NLDS,

Speaker 1 even though you'll be listening to this and the games ones will already be done. How are you feeling, Jake?

Speaker 8 Yankees bullpen's a little beat up right now. F.
Ross, who I believe they got from the Cubs at the deadline, he's getting Tommy John surgery. Oh, no.
We talked about Chapman being off the team.

Speaker 6 So

Speaker 1 he's got some traction, though, right? A little bit.

Speaker 2 He kind of stinks.

Speaker 8 These starters, you pay Garrett Cole all this money. He's got to go six innings tonight in one run ball.

Speaker 1 Or two run ball. He wanted to be a Yankee.
This is. Your pinstripes, bro.
Yeah. Like, that's it.

Speaker 8 In game two, they'll have Cortez, who's been a pleasant surprise this year. Like, the starters have a lot of weight on their shoulders.

Speaker 2 So is this World Series or bust?

Speaker 1 It has to be every year.

Speaker 2 Say every year? For the Yankees, of course. It's been a lot of busting.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it has been. Well, no, they made it to the World Series

Speaker 1 2017. Nope.
No. The cashmere said that they made it because the SP got a point.
So they basically made it.

Speaker 2 So, Jake, wait, if it's World Series or bust and it's like that every year, then certainly they've made some changes at the manager position.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they have. If they don't.
Oh, they have? Yeah.

Speaker 8 They fired Joe Girardi.

Speaker 1 Oh, five years ago. Oh, five years ago.
Okay.

Speaker 2 But I feel like Aaron Judge. Aaron Boone.
Or sorry, Aaron Boone, he gets to the World Series. If he makes it to the World Series, then he's like manager for life.

Speaker 2 Because right now, his expectations are just like.

Speaker 8 They fired Girardi after ALCS game seven, the buzzer game.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but his job is basically

Speaker 8 make it to the World Series.

Speaker 1 2017, they lost the Astros too.

Speaker 2 And if you make it to the World Series, then we're happy with you. I think that the expectations are lower than they have been.

Speaker 1 Yeah, here's the thing.

Speaker 8 They are not the favorites by any stretch.

Speaker 1 No, it's the Astros and Dodgers.

Speaker 8 Houston Dodgers and even the Braves.

Speaker 1 So hot right now. Max Phil World Series are boss.
How are we feeling about the fight in Phils?

Speaker 5 I feel fantastic about the Phills right now.

Speaker 5 I think you got that energy in the clubhouse.

Speaker 1 I like this.

Speaker 5 It's like the wild card team that's getting hot right right at the right time. Everyone seems loose.
They're having fun. Schwarber is a fucking beast.

Speaker 5 I know that you agree with me on Schwarber. He's like one of the most likable Phillies players we've seen in such a long time.
He just

Speaker 5 one of those presences out there that you're just like, I want to hang out with that guy.

Speaker 2 Everyone feels that way. He's good to balance out Bryce Harper's Bryce Harper-ness sometimes.
Yeah. Because Bryce Harper, he can rub people the wrong way.

Speaker 2 But if you have Kyle Schwarber on the team, it's like, okay, the team's somewhat likable. He's that likable that it's like, okay, I will root for this guy no matter who else is on his team.

Speaker 1 I mean, I still love Bryce Harper.

Speaker 2 I don't want that slander out there.

Speaker 5 I think he's a great guy, great player.

Speaker 1 I do too.

Speaker 2 He brought a World Series to Washington. But Schwarber is Schwarber.

Speaker 1 But Schwarber is Schwarber.

Speaker 4 There's no Schwarber.

Speaker 5 But it's one of those things where it's like, this is a team that I'm actually happy that they went into the wild card, won two games in the wild card, picked up some confidence because I think if they came right out of the playoffs and started to play the Braves, they would be fucked because baseball is such a game of confidence and it's such like you need to get yourself rolling.

Speaker 5 And the Braves are a better team. But if you can ride some momentum into a game with a better team, especially in baseball, you can still win.

Speaker 1 And this is going to be great if they just get smashed today. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When we were listening to this, since

Speaker 1 Braves won like 9-0. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, did you see what Brian Kenney said yesterday on MLB Network? No, I did not. So, no, I mean, he was trending.

Speaker 1 It was like a pretty big story.

Speaker 2 He basically went, well, not basically. He went on MLB Network and said that,

Speaker 2 shit, what's the dude's name for the pitcher from the Padres?

Speaker 2 Musgrove? Musgrove. He went on MLB Network and said Musgrove was cheating.

Speaker 2 And Buck Show Walter was correct in calling him out, and he used spin rate to justify it. He's like, look what the spin rate was

Speaker 2 on the Padres' pitches compared to what it was in the regular season. And he was like, make no mistake about it.
I'm not insinuating he's cheating. I'm telling you he was cheating.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so that was Buck Show Walter said that they obviously can track the spin rate in a game, and they were like, yeah, his spin rate's crazy.

Speaker 1 But then I saw someone explain it as like he was throwing harder because it's the playoffs and his velocity was up, so the spin rate was also up. I don't know.
All this stuff is like the Mets.

Speaker 1 We talked about it on Sunday, but that was a very pathetic way to go out to accuse the guy of cheating because you only get one hit and then still do the trumpet.

Speaker 2 His ears were shiny. His ears were shiny.

Speaker 1 He's got big ears. They were very shiny.
He has big ears.

Speaker 1 And yeah, I mean, i'm i'm i'm looking forward to the padres dodgers those teams fucking hate each other that's gonna be fun i hope machado does something stupid yep and i i'm i think we we said this on sunday but everyone in america should be rooting for the mariners let's go mariners i also what do they do with the shoe what's the shoe thing what do you mean the mariners can you look that up jake they all when they flashed to the mariners stadium during the blue jays series because they had a bunch of people in the stadium watching from seattle like half of them had their shoes off and had them on their heads so it's some cool thing You need a cool thing to win a World Cup.

Speaker 1 You do.

Speaker 2 Like, remember the rally monkey?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like you need something like that. So I don't know what it is, but it was more...
Like it was one guy. I saw one guy without a shoe and I was like, that's weird.
And then I saw multiple people.

Speaker 1 I was like, okay, this is something we just don't know about.

Speaker 8 Yeah, one guy put a shoe on his head, and I guess it was just spread.

Speaker 1 That's just it. That's it? That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I love baseball so much. It's so stupid that that just becomes a thing.
And you know what? You need that thing. You need one of those things to rally the guys around.

Speaker 2 Sounds like the Abe Simpson story. Just like, I put a shoe on my head, which was the style at the time.

Speaker 1 Right, right. And it's like, I put a shoe on my head, and we got a hit.
So now we put our shoes on our heads.

Speaker 8 A fan named Ben put a head on his shoe at T-Mobile Park watch party before the eighth inning. They got a few hits, and soon everyone had the shoes on their heads.
You know what happened next.

Speaker 8 The rally shoe is officially being kept for the Mariners Hall of Fame.

Speaker 1 Okay, so now we're in for the rally shoe.

Speaker 2 I'll do a rally shoe for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You just take your shoe off and put it on your head.

Speaker 2 Can we get rally shoe Ben on the podcast? I want to talk to Ben, the guy that invented it. The rally shoe.

Speaker 1 It was a broken stock. It was.
Oh, yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do like when they show the Seattle crowd and there's still like five or six people wearing masks. Like, stay strong.
Yeah, we got the Seattle.

Speaker 1 We're still going for this.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'm excited.
Hank,

Speaker 1 are you nervous at all about the Yankees? You don't care. You don't even think about the Yankees anymore, right? No.
It doesn't even cross your mind.

Speaker 11 No, and honestly, like, I am

Speaker 11 a sucker for good content. I wouldn't hate them going to the ALCS or World Series and then losing.

Speaker 11 That's a tightrope situation.

Speaker 2 Yeah. We've got to figure out just what the casual fans should be rooting for here.

Speaker 1 It's Mariners.

Speaker 2 I think Mariners, but if the Mariners lose, then I think it becomes the Astros beating the Yankees again. Yeah.
And getting to the World Series.

Speaker 1 I think it's Mariner. They're rooting the Astros and the good guys again.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, no, I just, I'm rooting against Yankees and Yankees fans.

Speaker 1 I think it's Mariners and Kyle Schwarber. I have a Mariners' future.

Speaker 11 I'm a big Seattle guy. My World Series.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I have. I put a Mariners' future in September, so I'm rooting for them.
I hope they beat the Yankees in the ALCS and then beat the Phillies in the World Series.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I guess I'm that's that's my best case playoff scenario. I like that.

Speaker 2 I'm rooting for Phillies and Yankees because that was my World Series pick before the season started.

Speaker 2 But I'm also very much rooting against the Yankees, against the Astros, because it would be very funny to see them lose it.

Speaker 1 But it is true. We need the Yankees to win a series just to...

Speaker 1 And no offense to the the Guardians, but they just feel like twins adjacent. Maybe that's just because they play in the same division.
But it feels like the Yankees always handle those type of teams.

Speaker 1 And then they lose to the Astros or they could lose to a literally only the Astros. Yeah, pretty much the same.

Speaker 8 Or the Red Sox last year in the wild card game. But besides that,

Speaker 8 2015, Astros, wild card game, 2017, Astros ALCS, 2019, Astros ALCS, 2018 was Red Sox.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did you hear how much? I think they lost to the Raids in 2018.

Speaker 2 Do you hear how mad Jake gets when people disrespect his Yankees?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would We just rattled off like 20 losses.

Speaker 1 Yeah, here.

Speaker 1 Besides that, the Yankees have been winning everywhere else. I'm serious.
I actually, there's one other wrinkle that I wouldn't hate happening. That would be Braves Guardians.

Speaker 1 Because then Guardians fans just being like, why do they get to do it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And just have that be a whole storyline where it's like, you have the Guardians getting chopped in Atlanta for the World Series. They're just like, this is fucking Guardian.

Speaker 2 Guardians fans just looking at that being like, oh man, I wish I could.

Speaker 2 I wish we could bang that drum.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's it.

Speaker 11 That's going to get people upset but no one would care about that world series uh yeah i'd agree there's a there's a few there's a few like cleveland fans and atlanta fans but the national

Speaker 1 media and and attention of like of sports a padres guardians world series would be uh and we on this podcast we only care about the ratings of the of the uh what sports we're watching we don't care about the sports so if we find out like if the padres and guardians play seven incredible games and it's like an unbelievable world series but then we find out it was the lowest-rated World Series in 20 years.

Speaker 1 Who cares? I hate it. Who cares? I hate it, because that means just no one was watching.

Speaker 2 Never have Mickey Mouse.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can't have it.

Speaker 2 If it was a competent commissioner, then he would have it be the Yankees and the Dodgers in the World Series.

Speaker 1 Yankees, Dodgers, Yankees, Phillies would be great, too. Yeah, but I'm talking ratings-wise.

Speaker 2 That way, you get both coasts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You get them both involved. Yeah, we were supposed to have that a few years ago.

Speaker 1 Didn't pan out. Billy, last thing, but

Speaker 10 Yankees-Braves is still in play, my prediction.

Speaker 1 Oh, nice. Yeah, we got a lot of it.
We actually were pretty good. Same.
We kind of nailed it.

Speaker 1 Okay, college football.

Speaker 1 Not a lot. Not a lot changed except the fact that Alabama, it feels like everyone, well, we talked about JMU on Sunday.

Speaker 1 It feels like Alabama, it feels like Ohio State is now the team that is ascended where they haven't had the little hiccup. Like Georgia had a couple hiccup against Missouri,

Speaker 1 survived. Alabama had a hiccup against Texas A ⁇ M, survived.

Speaker 11 Is that just a conference thing, though?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know.
That's a good question. But it feels like Ohio State did become the favorite.
So that did happen in the last week. And we have a huge game, Alabama versus Tennessee.

Speaker 1 Like, this is the final boss for Tennessee to be all the way back. I don't know.

Speaker 1 It would be incredible if they could pull off the upset. I'm Hanks shaking his head.
No.

Speaker 2 I'm going money line on Tennessee. Yeah.
I like it. I think this Tennessee, well, it depends on if, what's his name, Cedric Tillman's back?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, and also, I would say Bryce Young is probably the more important.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I think for Tennessee's offense, obviously, they've been playing pretty well without him at wide receivers.

Speaker 1 Right, but I'd be very nervous. I mean, the Tennessee defense is secondary is bad.
Bad, bad.

Speaker 2 I think it's going to be a fun game to watch.

Speaker 1 Very fun. Very fun.
And we have, you know, Utah, USC. That's going to.

Speaker 1 I'm not allowed to do a game of the year until November, but Utah is going to demolish USC. I'll say that.
That's just candy-ass football versus man football.

Speaker 2 What happened with Brian Harson?

Speaker 1 Because a lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a lot's happened with Brian Harson. Where do you want to pass like five, six years? But

Speaker 2 he was like the can't-miss guy from Boise State.

Speaker 1 But he was also the weirdest hire ever for Auburn. Auburn made no sense.

Speaker 1 Auburn hiring a Boise State guy made no sense to begin with. Then there was some off-field message board shit in the offseason.
He is just a dead man walking. That team is so bad.

Speaker 1 I also, Auburn feels like a job that would just be miserable to have.

Speaker 1 I know that a lot of college college jobs would suck, but Auburn's probably the top of the list of jobs that are good, like a good school that has national title hopes and can win national titles, but goddamn, that job would suck because you basically have to, like, they've fired their national title coaches, and you have a job where you're never going to be Alabama, but everyone expects you to be.

Speaker 1 Well, they do give sweet buyouts.

Speaker 2 Huge buyouts. So that's really the attraction of it.

Speaker 2 I think the move right now is just get somebody as young as possible with the understanding that Nick Saban is probably hopefully not going to be there for another 10, 15 years.

Speaker 2 He's probably not going to die ever. He's probably like, he's going to be like Ted Williams' head just frozen inside somebody else's body playing.
Colin plays there for the next 25 years.

Speaker 2 But doesn't it?

Speaker 2 That's really,

Speaker 2 it's the ultimate careful what you wish for job because it is like a premiere.

Speaker 1 You're an SEC head coach at a program that has history traditional.

Speaker 2 Even when they don't win national titles, sometimes they win national titles. Like back in, what was that, 2007? Right.
When

Speaker 2 they were the third team that got left out, like they're, they're a good program with a lot of good players that go there. But also at the same time, like, look who you have to play every year.

Speaker 2 It kind of sucks.

Speaker 1 And the fan base feels like they're always upset. Yeah.
It feels like they're just perpetually like not happy with what they have. So, yeah, that will be an interesting.

Speaker 1 They should just fire him now because it feels miserable for him. And like he's going to get killed in the Iron Bowl.
Although the Iron Bowl Bowl is always, who the fuck knows?

Speaker 1 It would also be perfect if Auburn somehow beat Alabama in the Iron Bowl. I think saved his job.

Speaker 2 I think that that's not going to happen.

Speaker 1 No, I agree, but last year you wouldn't think that they were going to be competitive. They almost won that game.
That's one of those rivalry games got to throw out the record books. True.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Also, Texas is back. Yes.
Big time in the Red River shootout. Excuse me, the Red River

Speaker 2 S out. Showdown.

Speaker 1 Showdown. Showdown.

Speaker 2 S down. Not the shootout.

Speaker 2 I saw some stat. I forget what exactly it was, but basically, whenever the Longhorns and the Sooners, whenever neither team is ranked going into this game, Texas just beats the shit out of them.

Speaker 2 And this was an old-fashioned ass kicking.

Speaker 1 49-0.

Speaker 1 Texas is back, and they're in the perfect spot where

Speaker 1 they're not going to make the playoff, but they can have a good enough season to be like, next year.

Speaker 1 Next year, we're going to make the playoff.

Speaker 2 They can have a good enough season.

Speaker 2 to then get angry at the end be like, man, all we need was a couple breaks for other teams to lose, and then we would have been fine.

Speaker 1 They're in the camp now where you can, before we get to the 12-team playoff, the teams that

Speaker 1 end up on the outside looking in for the four-team playoff can just say, if we had a 12-team playoff, like, watch out. Yeah, we got a couple.
We have that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, we got a couple good bounces.

Speaker 1 We have a couple years you can fantasize about what it would have looked like if you had made the playoff.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know we did talk about JMU a little bit on Monday, but I got to experience something earlier today for the first time that it blew my mind.

Speaker 2 I was looking ahead to this weekend to see what the matchups were, and I was trying to find the JMU game to see what the spread was going to be.

Speaker 2 I got to click on the top 25 list on the app to see where JMU was going to be. That's a fucking cool experience.

Speaker 1 It's fun. Yeah.
It's good. I can get used to that.
Yeah. Yeah, that is a fun thing to be able to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and you're going to buy them rings.

Speaker 1 I'm hoping that JMU goes undefeated because it would be fun for you to be able to claim a national championship game.

Speaker 1 At the same time, I don't think I've ever been around someone who's gotten so far ahead of themselves.

Speaker 1 He was literally mumbling on Sunday, being like, I'm going to buy them rings. Like, we're going to win every game while they buy them rings.
Listen,

Speaker 2 if we get to claim a national championship by going undefeated, I'm buying them rings. Have to.
Pizza Party for the boys down in Harrisonburg. Yep.
Fire up the Cinellos.

Speaker 1 We're delivering it.

Speaker 2 Oreos. I will personally deliver Chinellos to the JMU team if they go undefeated.
Love it.

Speaker 1 Love it. So that's something to, that's how you motivate the boys.

Speaker 2 Let's go. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can we all get behind? I will absolutely absolutely throw in. I will throw in for the pizza party.
This is a Cinderella story. I'll throw in some wings.
Okay, I'll match. Okay.

Speaker 1 Billy? I'll attend. Okay.

Speaker 1 Hank?

Speaker 11 I'll throw in some part of my cheese steaks.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 There we go. Okay.

Speaker 1 Now they're going to be eating for weeks.

Speaker 2 Giant pizza party for the boys.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. Okay, let's do some hot seat, cool thrown.
Then we get to Blake Bortles. And we have Kirk Cousins and Uncle Chaps on the other side as well.

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Speaker 1 Hank.

Speaker 11 My hot seat is Twitch.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh.

Speaker 11 They had TwitchCon this past weekend. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like a big, they have a bunch of streamers come out.

Speaker 11 People can do meet and greets. It's a whole big event in San Diego.
One of of the streamers adriana chechnik who's a a a twitch streamer

Speaker 11 yep twitch streamer

Speaker 11 um there was a foam pit

Speaker 11 and she jumped into the foam pit or what you would think is a foam pit it was basically like mxc uh it's mxc it's the remember the old i think it's chinese like game show that they dubbed over yeah and they would have like three walls and you'd have to people would try and run through them but one of them would just be a wall yeah yeah

Speaker 11 that's basically what this was it looked like a foam pit where you jump into it She jumped and just, it wasn't really foam and she just broke her back.

Speaker 1 It was, it was foam that was put on a concrete slab and they're supposed to have a trampoline underneath and multiple people got injured, but she broke her back.

Speaker 11 In two places.

Speaker 1 And it was an all-time like watching the video, seeing her, someone's like, are you okay? And she's like, yeah. And then immediately she's like, no, I can't move.

Speaker 11 You know what MXC is, PFT.

Speaker 1 You know what it is?

Speaker 2 I do not.

Speaker 1 When they're like going, they're like slipping. It's a dumped over.

Speaker 2 I can imagine what I've seen. I've seen those those types of game shows before, so I get it.
And I did see this video clip, and so it seems like it was just entrapment, right?

Speaker 2 If you put, it was a bunch of foam blocks out there. If I saw that, I would jump onto that.
Correct. It seemed like, I don't know,

Speaker 2 it was just a foam pit that didn't have the pit part.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And shout out the nerds, by the way, just the fact that like Comic-Con and what was this? Was this Comic-Con?

Speaker 1 TwitchCon. All the nerds have just become like porn stars and nerds are just one big Venn diagram.

Speaker 1 It's like they've had the best come up ever where it's like, this is what Comic-Con or TwitchCon, it's just they're all there together. So, shout out to nerds.
Nerds have had a nice year.

Speaker 2 Fucking analytics. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What are you going to say, Billy?

Speaker 10 Comic-Con was in New York, TwitchCon was in San Diego. It's got time.

Speaker 1 Got it. Oh, competing cons.

Speaker 10 It's probably a real diabolical choice some people have to make.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like old school, like Biggie versus Tupac.

Speaker 1 That's tough. That's really tough.

Speaker 1 Okay, your cool throne.

Speaker 11 My cool throne, I have a couple. Just NBA, NBA talk, Pat Bev pod launched today with Roan.
It's out on all platforms, YouTube. Go listen to it.

Speaker 11 He talked about Draymond Green punching Jordan Poole within the first 10 minutes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we got to get Pat Bev to get into a fight.

Speaker 1 We got Pat Bev on the pod. Yeah, we do have to get him on the pod.

Speaker 2 I'm sure he'll get into a fight on his own. Yeah.

Speaker 11 And then my other cool throne is Poland.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 11 I mean, this is one of those, like, I feel old. Obviously, when we started doing the show, we used to do hand caught in the streets.
I was like the young guy.

Speaker 11 No longer am. I'm old and washed.

Speaker 1 billy's billy's kind of taking over that world turning 30 this year yeah that's what you talk about that for a second what hank i've actually long said that when you turn 30 it's going to be a saturday for me because i've known you for your entirety of your 20s yeah i knew you when you were a teenager you did i've been grooming you for a very long time yeah 30 you're gonna be 30 hank it's it's

Speaker 1 you're not supposed to be 30.

Speaker 2 you're the young guy that's what i'm saying so this song lil yachty came out with a song wait wait wait wait you're gonna be basically the same age we were when we started Part of My Take. Correct.

Speaker 2 Next year.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I was asking you that the other day because I was like, I'm not that old. How old are they when they started? And I asked PFT, he was like, 31.

Speaker 1 I was like, holy.

Speaker 1 And when we're like, you have a couple years because we're going to be 40 in a couple years, but like we'll all be in our 30s.

Speaker 1 That's tough for you. That's really tough for you.
Yeah, it's not. Just be like, hey, yeah, yeah, like part of my take.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we got a couple few young guys, but then, you know, the core of it that's been around forever, we're all in our 30s

Speaker 11 Right, so it's like one of those things where I got to do the thing where I like hang out with you us wash guys you got to stick together Yeah, me and like I used to make fun of you for like your whole 27 thing, but it's like that's gonna be me.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah mentally. I'm 22 still

Speaker 11 but this song Lil Yachty Poland.

Speaker 11 It's about him just singing I took the walk to Poland if I was still the the young guy hot in the streets I'd be I'd be saying this because the song's been stuck in my head for for like three days.

Speaker 11 It's all all we'll maybe we'll play a little bit of the song. It's just very catchy.

Speaker 2 It's good.

Speaker 1 Billy made me do a TikTok.

Speaker 10 I did a TikTok. It made PFT look like he thought he was taking a walk to Poland, like walking.

Speaker 2 Wait, what's the song called?

Speaker 10 Well, it's about taking promethazine to Poland.

Speaker 1 Ah, I know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we knew that. No, we knew that, PFT.
Yeah, no, that's what I was talking about.

Speaker 10 So I was roasting you on TikTok of you walking. I was like, I'm doing the young trendy thing and taking a walk to Poland.

Speaker 1 No, no, I knew that. No,

Speaker 1 promethazine.

Speaker 10 No, no, but you were walking. It makes sense.

Speaker 1 We knew that. Chopped and screwed.
Yeah. Totally.

Speaker 11 So, yeah, Poland's on the cool throne.

Speaker 10 That's the thing. Yeah, the hot seat, kind of.

Speaker 1 Why? Belarus. Whole thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what I figured it had something to do with Pootie Poot.

Speaker 1 Pootie Poot. That's when a George.
He's being a bad boy. Bad, real boy.
He's real bad. Real bad boy.
He's being naughty. We should just let him play in the NHL.

Speaker 2 Dude, Pootie Poot.

Speaker 1 That would just be fine. Like, we're like, hey, dude, you get to play at Ovi's line.
And we all, like, you know what?

Speaker 1 If we just solve this nuclear crisis by being like, everyone just be cool. let Putin score some goals.

Speaker 2 Let's just chill with it. If I was Putin GM,

Speaker 2 it would be much easier. I would put him, you're right, in the starting lineup and just praise him, give him the MVP.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, the whole world should just kowtow to Putin and be like, okay, Putin, you can do whatever you want on the ice. Like,

Speaker 1 nuclear war, or we let Putin win a Stanley Cup.

Speaker 1 I think you just let him win a Stanley Cup. Yeah.
Like, why not?

Speaker 1 You know what? Maybe put him on a Canadian team so they can finally win a cup again. Put him on the leafs.
That will solve, like, everything.

Speaker 11 What's the biggest difference between 20s and 30s?

Speaker 2 Let's see.

Speaker 2 Probably like when you're in your 30s, you wish that you were in your 20s. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't just say energy? I'd say energy more than anything.

Speaker 1 You're just tired a lot more.

Speaker 2 Your body falls apart. Yeah.
That's been tough.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So yeah.

Speaker 2 Your body, you have a real tight pod right now, Hank?

Speaker 1 You're actually, I've always said that I've always thought that 30 was actually fine because then you're just young again in a weird way. You're like in your early 30s.

Speaker 1 It's really not till your mid-30s that it's like 33, 34 is when it's like, oh, this kind of sucks.

Speaker 2 I think 34 is tough. Yeah.
Because that's officially, you're basically 40 once you hit 34.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But 30 itself, eh? I mean, it's weird to say, but it's, you won't, nothing will change.

Speaker 2 You're going to start, you're going to start doing the math of like, well, if I have a kid right now, when I'm 50, then my kid's going to be this age. Yeah, you have a lot to look forward to, Hank.

Speaker 11 Yeah, it's just, I mean, it's like I was saying this earlier, but when I started here, I was 19. The next oldest person was 26, I think.
So I was like the young person for a long time.

Speaker 11 And then I've had, obviously, now I had this corporate role. I was having like a meeting with kids that were like 22, and I was like, holy fuck, like, they think I'm old.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know what you got to do, though?

Speaker 2 This is your last year of being eligible for the, for the 30-under-30 list.

Speaker 1 We've got to get you on it.

Speaker 2 We got to get Hank on a 30-under-30 list.

Speaker 1 You got to be out Revelle this year. Yep.
You got this.

Speaker 2 He's still got three more years left.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's got three more years of 30 under 10.

Speaker 2 Revelle is literally the thing that I joke about. Like, I think he does still think that he's 27.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Okay, PFT, your hot seat quality.

Speaker 2 My hot seat is all you guys in this room. Because I thought we were a family.
And families are supposed to give each other tough news.

Speaker 2 And you guys have been holding out on me for quite some, I don't know how long, but I had a bad visual come across my timeline the other day.

Speaker 1 I actually didn't see it.

Speaker 11 I saw the visual. I had not seen this before.

Speaker 11 I'm going to get out in front of it.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 yes, I did.

Speaker 2 And I went across the street.

Speaker 1 You're talking about being bald.

Speaker 2 I went across the street to get a haircut.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I was like, give it to me straight.

Speaker 2 How bad is it back there? Yeah. The hair is starting to go away.
And that's some news that I would have hoped that my friends in this room would have given me.

Speaker 1 To describe the visualization bald on the top, it's actually been going on for a couple of years, but but I was just hoping that it was like one of those things we just don't talk about.

Speaker 1 And now we're going to have to talk about it.

Speaker 2 I've always had very thin hair, and I've got a cowlick up there. So a couple years ago, last time I really checked it out, I was like, okay, that just looks like my normal thin hair that I have.

Speaker 1 All right, let's see it. Take off your headphones.

Speaker 1 Let's see how bad it is.

Speaker 11 No, I mean, the visual was basically the back of PFT's head, and you could see.

Speaker 1 Oh, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 11 Obviously, he has long hair.

Speaker 11 But in the picture, you could just see.

Speaker 1 This is what we're talking about. I'm now running my hands through his hair, but he's, it's, it's basically like...
No, see? See this right here?

Speaker 1 Oh, it's bad.

Speaker 2 You don't have to do that.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, I'm just telling them you...

Speaker 1 Again, I've noticed it for a couple of years, but I didn't want to...

Speaker 1 I thought maybe you just, you know, you wear hats enough. Friends talk about

Speaker 1 this sort of thing.

Speaker 11 If I had noticed it in the way that it appeared in that picture, I would say something.

Speaker 1 It's really hard to tell your friend, like, hey, dude, you might be going bald.

Speaker 2 That's not something you can just say. Well, well, because

Speaker 2 I don't want to be the guy with long hair that's also bald. That's a weird look.

Speaker 1 So now I'm kind of

Speaker 1 cool, though. Now we've got to figure out.

Speaker 2 I think we have to figure out what to do as a podcast with this because

Speaker 2 I need some help. It's not easy for me to be going through this right now because I've had long hair for a long time and I'm just trying to think what my options are.

Speaker 2 So as far as I can tell, my options are: one, plugs, go wear a hat, go wear a hat and go bald and just be the guy like, what's his name, Brett Michael from Poison?

Speaker 1 Or Hulk Hogan. Or Hulk Hogan just held on with that bandana forever.

Speaker 2 So I could get some coverage and hold on. That's one.
Option two is

Speaker 2 I cut my hair really short.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's a good option. But wait, but wait.

Speaker 2 But then I just become wig guy and I've got like multiple wigs that I can wear in different looks that I can get into. Okay.
I'm not above that.

Speaker 2 Like I think that we need to have this conversation openly so that people are all part of it.

Speaker 2 option number three would be, uh, I guess, just cutting my hair into a mullet.

Speaker 1 I think you just do nothing and just relax. Like, it's it's it sucks, but

Speaker 1 so I think you had a few more years. You're rich, get some hair plugs.

Speaker 2 I could get some hair plugs. I am rich.

Speaker 1 Get some hair plugs. I forgot.
Wait,

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I forgot that I was rich until Hank reminded me.

Speaker 1 I can get hair plugs. Yeah.
Hair plug it up.

Speaker 10 I had a college roommate.

Speaker 1 It worked for Dave. Yeah.

Speaker 10 I had a college roommate who was like seriously going bald and he just put cream on it every day and he didn't lose anymore.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't, I would rather, thanks for that.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that. I would rather.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go one way or the other. I don't want to stay where I'm at right now.
I'm in no man's land. You're good, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you have enough hair that it doesn't.

Speaker 1 It only, it was like a bad visual, but

Speaker 1 it's not something that you can notice. You'd have to really see it, or it has to be a really bad picture.
So you're good right now, but it is something you're going to have to figure out.

Speaker 1 You got to spray paint it. You got to get a tattoo.

Speaker 10 Yeah, get a tattoo where it's like,

Speaker 2 I came to you guys for some advice. Billy's just making it worse.

Speaker 1 We are.

Speaker 11 I mean, this is like kind of a continuation of my conversation, but I think you got to keep the long hair. Big Cat's got to dye his hair.
And I just have to figure out a way to look.

Speaker 11 We can't be.

Speaker 1 We can't be all old. Yeah.
Yeah, we are.

Speaker 11 Like, we can't have bald PFT gray cat.

Speaker 1 Well, I am gray. There's nothing I can do about it.
Diet.

Speaker 1 I stopped dying it because, Hank, that's your solution to everything for Big Cat.

Speaker 2 Just diet.

Speaker 1 Die. Yeah, just die.
Diet. Just wants me to die.
No, diet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I'm worried about you. Yeah, I'm sure that's really what it is.

Speaker 2 All right, but like, honestly, I do need, I need some guidance, and I don't want to just like, I don't want to just let it,

Speaker 2 I just don't want to go bald. I want to do something.
I want to be proactive about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then you got to do hair plugs. Hank slow-key's beard's gray.

Speaker 1 All right, let's... What are we doing here?

Speaker 2 Billy, you know what? You look like shit, too. Yeah, I feel amazing.

Speaker 2 It's because you don't have to look at yourself.

Speaker 1 Sweet.

Speaker 1 I feel sick, bro.

Speaker 2 All right, let me get hair plugs. Everybody knows a good hair plug person for long hair.
I think that's a move.

Speaker 1 Yes, I'd agree. All right, your cool throne?

Speaker 2 Oh, shit, yeah.

Speaker 2 That took a lot out of me emotionally.

Speaker 2 My cool throne.

Speaker 1 Is your hair because you're getting hair plugs? Yeah, is my head.

Speaker 2 No, Blink 22 on the cool throne.

Speaker 1 They're back.

Speaker 2 They just released a video today saying that Mark, Tom, and Travis, all three of them, are getting back together, going on a tour, putting out new music this Friday. I'm excited.

Speaker 2 They're like one of my favorite bands since I was 11 years old.

Speaker 2 I'm pumped that Tom's back in the band after discovering aliens, which, by the way, we all owe Tom an apology for calling him crazy when he left the band to find aliens because he fucking found aliens.

Speaker 2 Yep. So, Blink22, please come on the podcast to discuss.
And also, they're playing at MSG, which is going to be tough for me to get into because

Speaker 2 as we found out a couple months ago, part of my take as a podcast is banned from MSG. Yes.
Kind of the bad boys. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. But I did see that video.
That's some sick nostalgia that they're all back.

Speaker 1 My hot seat is Ben Simmons. This is just, this could just be a permanent hot seat, but the Nets did like an outdoor community practice, and there's just a video of him airballing like a five-footer.

Speaker 1 And it's just windy. He can't.
He should just.

Speaker 1 I now am starting to understand why Ben Simmons just doesn't shoot because he can't shoot. And every time he does shoot it becomes a viral moment.

Speaker 2 It was windows. And think about that.
But think about that. It was 12 miles per hour wind.

Speaker 1 If there was something that you knew that every time you did, people would just roast, you would never do it. It just so happens that's like a big part of his job, but still.

Speaker 1 Like that's, I can kind of get where he's coming from where it's like, why would I shoot when I know that it's not going to go in and people are going to roast?

Speaker 2 It's like a politician. They tell a politician when they're on the road on a campaign, like two things that you shouldn't do.

Speaker 2 One is shoot a basketball, and then the second is eat a corn dog or a corn on the cop. Yes.
Because people will photoshop it or lick an ice cream cone. Yes.

Speaker 2 So it was a bad visual. I'll give you that.
On the other hand, Ben Simmons might become the best alley ooper of all time.

Speaker 1 It was a perfect alley.

Speaker 2 If they just run, like, bring back the old Jason Kidd Nets offense when they had Kittles, Martin, and

Speaker 2 Richard Jefferson. It's just Lob City.
And just know that every time Ben Simmons shoots the ball, it's going to be a perfect alley oop for somebody.

Speaker 1 And it's just, it was just shocking because when you see an NBA player, you expect them to at least hit rim.

Speaker 1 It looked like any of us just walking into a gym, like fully clothed in like jeans, and being like, Here, take a shot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and you know, your first shot always misses by like it's just a terrible shot. That's what it was.

Speaker 2 The best part of it was Kyrie Irving being too high to figure out what was going on.

Speaker 1 He didn't notice. No, he didn't notice at all.
And then my cool throne is: I'm going to say it: the Bears,

Speaker 1 I thought that the orange jersey sucked, sucked and then i saw they released a hype video so thursday night they're doing all orange i'm kind of into it and it gives the game it gives the game a little i wish the commanders would go all black yeah black and orange would go halloween yeah spooky but uh you know what it makes this game that we're all been kind of low-key dreading i would say i'm dreading the next two weeks that the bears are in prime time um makes it a little fun yeah dude the orange uniforms actually do look cool yeah the bears are i'm excited you know the bears are favorite that makes no sense they shouldn't be favorite neither team should be favorite No, but the Bears should not be favorites.

Speaker 1 What's the spread?

Speaker 1 I think they're like minus one. It just shouldn't.
That should not be the case.

Speaker 1 That should not be the case. Billy, your hot seat cool to run.

Speaker 10 My hot seat is Carson Wentz.

Speaker 1 Yeah, which is. You heard the Ron Rivera comments.

Speaker 10 He was asked about what's the biggest factor in this whole NFC East competition. He said quarterbacks.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Sort of pointing, you know, the elephant in the room about Carson Wentz. I honestly thought PFT was going to bring this up, so I really want to hear his comments.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 My comment is, like, he's not wrong. No, of course not.
No, but on the other hand, it's not like the division is filled with world-beating quarterbacks right now.

Speaker 2 We got, well, Daniel Jones and Cooper Rush. I don't think you'd say those are elite quarterbacks.
They're playing very well right now.

Speaker 2 But my theory at this point, if you look at how Rivera said that, I think Rivera is trying to get fired. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think Ron Rivera is trying to get fired because this is very unlike Ron Rivera to throw anybody under the bus. Like his players all love him.

Speaker 1 He's usually very measured.

Speaker 2 Super measured. And either Carson Wentz is a total piece of shit that makes everybody hate him.

Speaker 1 Which I think we all know is probably the case.

Speaker 2 Which could be a possibility. Yep.

Speaker 2 Or two, he's trying to get fired and maybe go back to Carolina where he could do like... president of football operations or general manager or something like that.

Speaker 2 That's Ron Rivera's home is like in Carolina. He is a Carolina Panthers guy.
When they left, they like let him give a press conference on his way out saying goodbye.

Speaker 2 I'm pretty sure his key still works there. My theory is he's trying to get back to Carolina in some sort of capacity.
But you have to try pretty hard to make Dan Snyder do something competent in D.C.

Speaker 2 So I don't think this is ⁇ he's going to really need to fuck it up a little bit more to make Dan Snyder fire him.

Speaker 1 It also just tells me Carson Wentz.

Speaker 1 Very fascinating in the fact that he really does feel like everyone just doesn't like him.

Speaker 1 And I'm wondering if we'll get to a point where the NFL combine, like any prospect they have a question about, it's like, let's go on a bachelor party together.

Speaker 1 Because, like, if you went on a bachelor party with Carson Wentz, you'd probably figure out right away, like, I don't really like this dude. Bad hang.
Yeah, bad hang.

Speaker 1 That's what they need to start doing.

Speaker 1 We, we are open to do this for any team that wants to hire us to just hang with someone and just see what they're like because we would have snuffed this out right away.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I thought Alex Smith was, his comments were correct. He's like, dude, Ron Vera, you're a defensive coach.
Like, how about you work on your defense?

Speaker 1 You know, like, this is, it's kind of crazy to throw your quarterback under the bus like this.

Speaker 10 Carson Wentz is fourth in passing, as he said, and I think their defense is 26th.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, their defense is bad. I mean,

Speaker 2 also, at the same time, like, if we're watching Carson Wentz, he's not the fourth best quarterback. No, he hasn't played anywhere near like the top 10 quarterback.

Speaker 2 When he's at his best, I would say he's like, in those plays, Carson Wentz could be careful

Speaker 2 inside these self-contained plays where he's like stepping up in the pocket, throwing a deep ball, he could be a top-seven quarterback in those plays. The problem is

Speaker 2 the rest of the plays, including the last three of the last game where he threw three consecutive interceptions,

Speaker 2 only one was picked off, but three consecutive interceptions at the goal line.

Speaker 2 It's not good to have your coach just... You knew that Ron Rivera went into that press conference.
Like with a grenade in his hand, and then just knowing he was about to pull the pitch.

Speaker 2 He's been around the NFL long enough to know exactly what was going to happen.

Speaker 2 That was not an out-of-context mistake. No.

Speaker 1 And your cool throwing, Billy?

Speaker 8 A couple quick ones.

Speaker 10 Travis Kelsey, fantasy owners.

Speaker 2 Christian McCaffrey, the Bills are coming after him.

Speaker 10 That would be electric.

Speaker 1 It would be electric.

Speaker 1 I like it. And it would just...

Speaker 1 I love whenever a team goes all the way in and they're like, what do we not have? A running back. That would be electric.
That would be electric.

Speaker 10 And then last one, Tom Brady.

Speaker 10 He was asked about the roughing the passer stuff. And then he just said, I don't throw the flags.
I throw tablets.

Speaker 1 Mm. That's funny.
Nice little successful way.

Speaker 1 That's really funny. That's great.
That's funny. Jake, your hot seat cool throne.

Speaker 8 My hot seat celebrations. So the Phillies reliever David Robertson is out of the NLDS after celebrating a Bryce Harper home run in the previous round.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 What happened?

Speaker 8 Restrained his right calf, jumping in the air.

Speaker 1 Damn. That's an older.
That's such a baseball injury.

Speaker 2 I bet he's in his 30s.

Speaker 1 That is such a baseball injury. Well, he's been around.

Speaker 1 He's on the Yankees.

Speaker 8 He gave up the home run that people thought Jeters' Jeters' last game was fixed because he gave up the home runs.

Speaker 8 Forced the bottom of the ninth. Yeah, he is 37.

Speaker 11 There you go.

Speaker 1 Yep, that's better because he was very good on the Yankees.

Speaker 8 My cool throne is Bronny. Bronny signed an NIL deal with Nike.

Speaker 1 Get this. Wait, he did? How did he get that connection?

Speaker 2 He's 18 years old.

Speaker 8 How old was LeBron when he signed with Nike?

Speaker 1 I thought LeBron was wild. Wow.
Wild.

Speaker 2 18, his dad? Yep.

Speaker 1 That's crazy that he was able to get Nike on the phone. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So he got an NIL deal because he's a really good basketball player.

Speaker 1 That's the only reason why.

Speaker 1 Nike saw him and was like, this guy looks good.

Speaker 2 That was their eyeball. They're like, I've got my eyeball, and I think this kid's going to be good one day.

Speaker 11 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 Good for Bronny. Good for Bronny.

Speaker 1 Okay. Let's get to Blake Portals.

Speaker 2 I don't want to correct Jake on this because I might be wrong. Yeah.
But I might take a shot at it. Okay.

Speaker 2 Wasn't LeBron James an Adidas guy?

Speaker 8 I think I saw that he was 18 when he signed with Nike.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure his school might have been.

Speaker 1 I think his school might have been.

Speaker 11 Yeah, they dropped the bag. Okay, all right.
They had a chance at him.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah, the only thing I saw is that he was 18 when he signed with Nike.

Speaker 1 He could have been. You could be.

Speaker 2 All right, you're probably right. I probably just remember him wearing the high school jersey that had the Adidas on it.

Speaker 1 I'm pulling it up right now. Yes, yes.
Yeah. His high school jersey was Adidas.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 So, Jake's apologize. I apologize.
Oh, you were right, too.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, I mean, no, no, Jake's, you know what, Jake's right, too.

Speaker 1 God, both right.

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Speaker 1 Okay, here he is, Blake Portals.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our very good friend, recently retired

Speaker 1 Blake Bortles.

Speaker 1 He broke his retirement last week. He got a bunch of requests for interviews.
He said he's doing an exclusive with us. So let's just start there.

Speaker 1 Walk me through what happened after you retired on this show and quiet quit the NFL. Was it just chaos?

Speaker 14 It was, yeah. So, I mean, I technically retired twice.
I retired like four months ago, told like friends, you know, family and close friends, and nobody really bothered me. It was great.

Speaker 14 And then after,

Speaker 14 you know, we spoke last week, then it was just kind of

Speaker 14 a flood of texts. And, you know, a lot of people just like saying congratulations and whatnot.

Speaker 14 But if I get more than like two texts within two hours, like my brain just melts down and I can't handle it. So the overflow of text messages and phone calls was a lot.

Speaker 14 I'm still getting back to people. I'm working on it.

Speaker 1 Wait, so

Speaker 1 the one thing I thought of, like, you did tell your agent that you were retiring right because i thought like that would also be very bleak if you just didn't tell your agent and he had been out there like trying to get you on a team and you're like no i actually retired dude

Speaker 14 and that was how he found out somebody told him that i told you guys like he's he's done no i told him um i think they changed it like i think in the old cba you used to have to like put retirement papers in and it was out there and official and now if you're just not on a roster for 12 months i think they just deem you retired So that was the route I was going.

Speaker 2 They put you in that bucket.

Speaker 2 That's weird. So, wait,

Speaker 2 what about people who are saying, Blake, you should sign a one-day contract to retire a Jacksonville Jaguar? Have you considered doing that?

Speaker 14 I haven't.

Speaker 14 I don't know. I feel like you got to play more than five years in a place to do something like that.

Speaker 1 But I think that, like,

Speaker 2 the city of Jacksonville does love you, though. Like, there are a ton of Jaguars fans that just love Blake Bortles.
I feel like, I don't know, we could reach out to Tony Cotton.

Speaker 2 What if we got you a one-day contract for just like a shitload of money, though?

Speaker 1 That'd be kind of fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah, if we could build some money into it for just a press conference and some photos.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it would be fun.

Speaker 1 So what how does the body feel? Like you alluded to it that your arm felt like shit after playing like backyard football with some kids in the neighborhood.

Speaker 1 Do you think you could keep playing or is it you're just you're just like I'm ready to be done physically with the rigors of being in the NFL?

Speaker 14 A little bit of both or a lot of things, I guess.

Speaker 14 My body's fine, you know, ripping the vortex around a couple of weeks ago, did a number on my shoulder, but you know, it's just from not throwing, like I could still throw.

Speaker 14 I'm not the same as I was, you know, when I started in the NFL. I've had some, some, some right arm.

Speaker 14 nagging stuff that I think's affected me a bit. And on top of that, it was just, I was kind kind of, I was ready to go.
I was ready to be done and do something else and,

Speaker 14 you know, try and go elsewhere in life.

Speaker 1 Wait, so what is this something else? What's the next chapter for Blake Portals?

Speaker 14 I don't know. I keep, you know, I haven't, I made a LinkedIn page, so we'll see if that gets any hits.

Speaker 14 But I think my lack of

Speaker 14 my lack of work history might be slowing that down.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 What are your passions?

Speaker 2 What are you into?

Speaker 2 If getting paid didn't matter, what would you do with your life?

Speaker 14 I mean, I enjoy playing golf like outside of football, but play golf and hang out.

Speaker 14 I was never big into like fishing or hunting or anything like that.

Speaker 14 I mean, really, as a hot, like got two little kids. So, I mean, that takes up 90% of the time.
And then the other 10%, I probably play golf.

Speaker 1 That's, I mean, that sounds like a pretty good, like, what do you like doing hanging out and playing golf? Yeah, I think

Speaker 1 it's just hanging out and gambling.

Speaker 2 What you just said actually tells me that your career path should be being retired. It sounds like being retired is the perfect job for you right now.

Speaker 14 That's right. So, and then, I mean, you can start the senior tour at 50.
So, I've essentially got 20 years to get ready for that.

Speaker 2 That would be great. Has anybody ever done that? Like, just played the senior tour without playing on the PGA tour?

Speaker 14 Spent half their life training for it and then turned 50.

Speaker 1 And then we're like, let's see if if we can do it. That's a period.
What are you shooting?

Speaker 14 I'm all over the place.

Speaker 14 Usually like around 80 is where I'm at.

Speaker 14 Sometimes play well and break 80. Sometimes play bad and shoot 90.

Speaker 14 So it's all over the place.

Speaker 1 That's a pretty, that's pretty good golfing. So

Speaker 1 what like, what are you going to miss the most from your NFL career? I mean, I guess you've been retired without us knowing for a while now, so it's, it's already set in.

Speaker 1 But is there one thing that was like maybe keeping you like, I kind of wish I could go back?

Speaker 14 I mean, outside of the fact that like it's all I ever did and knew, you know, it just becomes that was the routine and the daily, you know, kind of schedule.

Speaker 14 You're used to having that and being in that for so long, you know, having that lack of structure and,

Speaker 14 you know, time commitment and all that.

Speaker 14 I mean, every day, like all the cliche stuff, you miss hanging out and BSing with guys in the locker room.

Speaker 14 But I had, I've had like a couple of days where i woke up and like we have football we have a little boy so there's balls all over the house and like i see a ball and it's just like man i'd love to just have a catch today with somebody you know like i just want to go throw a ball and play catch don't really care to you know get hit or maybe do some of the other stuff but i'd love to just play catch yeah there should be a like a dating app for just guys that want to have a catch with another guy yeah that'd be kind of cool thing you're kind of and you're also like kind of explaining a dog's life which that's awesome right so and we also got a puppy, so we're bonding over playing catch together now.

Speaker 1 You got a full life.

Speaker 1 The thing I've always loved, yeah, loved about you, Blake, is like it's not that you didn't care, it's that you just didn't let other things bother you or like people outside your bubble bother you.

Speaker 1 And you just describing your day-to-day

Speaker 1 is awesome. Like, it's just, there's no other way to describe it.
It's like, I got two kids, a puppy, I golf, and I hang out. There's, that's, you are living the dream.

Speaker 14 That's it, man. It's awesome.
I was lucky enough to be in a position to be able to do that and not worry about much.

Speaker 14 But yeah, if being retired was an occupation, I think that's kind of my calling thus far.

Speaker 1 First Ballot Hall of Famer. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you're off to a hot start right now.

Speaker 2 Looking back at your career,

Speaker 2 we've been talking a lot about how badly you guys got screwed over in that game in New England. You should have been in the Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 To my dying breath, I will say the Jacksonville Jaguars should have been in that Super Bowl against the Eagles.

Speaker 2 But from your perspective, looking back on it,

Speaker 2 what is your favorite moment? Like an actual moment playing football out there, what do you look back on and think to yourself, damn, that was pretty cool?

Speaker 14 One moment.

Speaker 14 I mean, probably that game could have been hit if the fourth quarter didn't go the way it went. So probably the week before that, like going up to Pittsburgh and beating them.

Speaker 14 But really that whole year was was was pretty sweet i mean city of jacksonville you know the jags have had some bad years over the past you know decade or so um but they are good fans and they care a lot and you know so when we were rolling that year in 17 like it was an awesome place like the city was fired up you know it was people were happy to just be around town and doing stuff um it was cool to see how they responded to you know the success we had that whole year was awesome but there was one uh yeah, one thing it'd probably be beating Pittsburgh and Pittsburgh.

Speaker 14 It's just

Speaker 14 the coolest moment, and I guess the last great moment of that season before

Speaker 14 New England.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, that was an all-time game.

Speaker 1 Do you keep in touch with

Speaker 1 playoff Lenny at all?

Speaker 1 Have you guys mended fences after he said you had bad breath? Because we love Leonard Fournette, but we still do think like that's bullshit that he outed you as having bad breath.

Speaker 14 It is.

Speaker 14 One, no, I haven't talked to him since he made that statement and um i just i don't know how you come up with that you know i got good hygiene i don't dip anymore right i cut that out so you can't blame it on that i feel like i you know i have slightly maybe above average i'd say decent breath

Speaker 14 okay yeah but no i haven't yeah i haven't talked to leonard in a couple years uh not definitely not for that or any reason just haven't but yeah i'd love to talk to him or see him at some point he's the best who reached out to you when you retired who was the uh uh who was like the biggest the name or the most surprising person

Speaker 14 um

Speaker 14 the most surprising person

Speaker 14 i don't know if there was one that i was like wow i can't believe you know he or she said something there were there were a couple of people that reached out that you know i if they wouldn't have said like their name and what they did and where exactly we encountered each other at i'd have had absolutely no idea who they were.

Speaker 14 But there wasn't really anything that was like, holy shit, I can't believe they said something.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What about,

Speaker 1 it's just, you really do have like the perfect life and you have really,

Speaker 1 you've, you've done it perfectly. Have you, are you going to get your number retired at UCF? Is it retired? No, it's not because Bowser wears it.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah. Bowser's rocking it.

Speaker 14 I don't know. They do retire numbers because there's stuff.
I got inducted into the Hall of of Fame last year at UCF.

Speaker 14 I don't know if they're still doing numbers because I'm pretty sure like Culpeppers,

Speaker 14 Kevin Smith, like there's a couple of numbers hanging up, but I think guys still wear them. I think it's so hard in college because there's like 130 kids or whatever.
So they need all the numbers.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We need to get you at least your number up there.
So maybe it's not retired. I mean, I bet UCF last Wednesday when the news broke.
And yeah,

Speaker 1 they won and covered because it was the Blake Bortles night.

Speaker 14 That's right. Yeah, maybe they could.

Speaker 1 It'd be sweet if they put put a five up there right next to the national championship sign yeah or just retire retire the name blake will never recruit another blake oh yeah that would be nice you have to change your name if you want to come here and play yeah that would be really nice are you watching football do you watch it i watch some like i watch um

Speaker 14 i've caught up most of ucf games

Speaker 14 um like i was a little wary of like you know how it would be like last year i wasn't like i was out of the league but i was still training like so i was doing stuff I was waiting for somebody to call me, see if we'd get in the right situation, you know.

Speaker 14 So, this year it's a little different because you know, you're not doing anything towards getting a job in the NFL. Um, so I was like, I didn't really want to sit around.

Speaker 14 So, I've actually played golf on, I think, every Sunday so far of the NFL season. But I'll catch, like, I'll get home and see what's going on.

Speaker 14 Watch the red zone channel for a couple of minutes, see what's happening.

Speaker 2 Do you know if any teams like reached out to your agent this offseason to get you in camp?

Speaker 14 We heard from a couple

Speaker 14 right before the season started. And then

Speaker 14 I don't know if anybody's reached out. I haven't talked to my agent in a couple weeks.
So I don't know if anybody's reached out.

Speaker 14 He's just immediately told them no, you know, and then relay that somebody reached out or if just nobody's absolutely called.

Speaker 1 Wait, so

Speaker 2 who reached out?

Speaker 1 We got to, I mean, give us at least one name.

Speaker 14 One name.

Speaker 14 I guess it doesn't matter. Cleveland called,

Speaker 14 obviously, after the Deshaun Watson suspension when they were trying to figure some stuff out, which, you know, who knows? Maybe they were just feeling it out.

Speaker 2 So let's not use a different phrase, maybe, for that one. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah. Yeah.
That's on me. Sorry about that.

Speaker 1 They were.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who else? I mean, we got

Speaker 14 their due diligence.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We, we, I mean, we need to know who, like, because we went to Denver and we sat with Nathaniel Hackett and we're like, if you really love Blake, you'd have him on the team.

Speaker 1 So did they reach out?

Speaker 14 Nope. I talked to Nathaniel.
Oh, I talked, I was still under contract in New Orleans the last time we spoke about football.

Speaker 14 So we didn't talk about anything because that's, I think, tampering and illegal.

Speaker 14 And then I talked to him when I decided to retire the first time. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. So he knew you were kind of retired.
Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah. I told him.
I told him months ago, which I'm surprised because I didn't tell him to keep it a secret or anything. I just told him I was done.

Speaker 1 When did you first talk to to him it was it was august and it was the i mean it was an all-time moment when i asked you for anything you had about nathaniel hackett and you just said that his son told you you had a big dong

Speaker 14 oh harris or it wasn't harrison it was london london what a

Speaker 2 but he is yeah was that like the greatest day of your life

Speaker 14 yeah top five

Speaker 2 you have two kids so be careful yeah well yeah top five yeah it's probably like number three or number four just what a great compliment to get

Speaker 14 it is i mean there's not much of you know a more mood boosting thing you can say to somebody than fresh off a training camp practice just feeling like crap and you hear a six-year-old just give you the compliment of all compliments

Speaker 1 what about the floor the floor hasn't hit you up i'm i'm like going to be mad at some of these guys because like they don't love blake the way we like if we had an nfl team you'd be on it we'd just have you be like it'd almost be like a no-show construction job job you could just not show up if you didn't want to and we'd give you a check.

Speaker 14 I appreciate that.

Speaker 14 No, I haven't heard. I heard from a couple guys in like the Green Bay organization, but Matt's probably got, he's got definitely bigger things going on than worrying about what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

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Speaker 2 Code audio at checkouts. I'm just thinking out loud here, like, what if another team wanted to sign you to a one-day contract to retire as that team?

Speaker 14 Yeah, I'd probably do that.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 a team that that you didn't even play for.

Speaker 14 Yeah, so I could just add one more to like the Wikipedia list.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that would be cool.
Yeah, just a random team. Seahawks.

Speaker 2 You look good in a Seahawks jersey. Yeah, you would.
Or I guess like holding it up next to you. You'd probably not even have to put it on.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I think so, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What are you benching?

Speaker 1 What are you benching these days? That's a very important question.

Speaker 14 Oh, man.

Speaker 14 I haven't bench pressed since college. Like a bar.

Speaker 1 What else would you bench press? You do the dumbbells?

Speaker 14 Yeah, the dumbbells. That was immediately just like all quarterbacks have to do dumbbells because it's better for whatever.

Speaker 14 The dumbbells we have, we have like a little makeshift weight room in the garage and it goes up to 60 pounds.

Speaker 1 Lightweight.

Speaker 14 Yeah, when I'm feeling good, I get after those.

Speaker 2 Do you do resistance bands?

Speaker 14 Yeah, a lot. Resistance bands working on the stretching for the golf swing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What about a lot of people were wondering if maybe now's the time to start your construction career?

Speaker 1 Because you had the famous clip where Sophie Julia asked you what you'd be doing if you weren't in the NFL and you're like just working construction and ripping SIGs. So have we thought about that?

Speaker 1 Like, it would be very funny if we just got a picture in a year of like a roadside construction crew and it's just you just having a sig during lunch break, being like, yeah, just out with the, with the fellas, just doing some work.

Speaker 14 There is that. So

Speaker 14 we're building a house and we had a meeting the other day with the builder and I asked him, I said, you know, like, I don't have anything to do. Is it okay?

Speaker 14 Like, if I just come help you guys, like, you don't have to pay me. I just want to be there and have something to do.
And, you know, a little camaraderie with the guys building the house.

Speaker 14 And he said, absolutely. So we'll see.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. You have to send us a picture of you out there with them.

Speaker 1 The whole deal. You're going to get addicted to dipping again.
You know that. I know.

Speaker 14 That way, yeah, that that or cigarettes you have to do it for like in that life yeah yeah absolutely how long has it been since you've dipped

Speaker 14 um

Speaker 14 i mean the yeah the ok

Speaker 14 the occasional you know they like it's hard like playing golf or doing something and then you're with somebody and it's just like

Speaker 1 i don't think i've bought a can of dip in a couple years probably oh no

Speaker 14 so you're some mooch yeah yeah yeah yeah that's what i've turned into it's just like oh hey let me get one of those just bumming dips off people

Speaker 14 that's smart though that's a good way to cut down right and technically if you never actually buy the can of dip you never restart it so as long as it's not my can

Speaker 2 that's right and it can't be a problem like you can't be a problem if if it's not like coming out of your pocket that's right yep yeah no money of mine went towards this so the uh the other sophie julia clip uh wake up in the morning what's the first thing you do do you still piss like right away

Speaker 14 Every morning.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Every morning.

Speaker 14 Is that not what you do?

Speaker 2 No, I do it because like you're my hero, and I saw that.

Speaker 2 I was like, if I want to grow up to be big and strong like Blake, first thing I do, it's not like take your vitamins, you know, do your homework, eat your cereal.

Speaker 2 It's you get up in the morning and you piss. You just go right to the bathroom.
That's it.

Speaker 1 That's the key to being an FL quarterback.

Speaker 14 You can get a great day started.

Speaker 1 That's beautiful.

Speaker 1 I really want you to come hang sometime, too, in New York. That'd be nice if you just came and hung out.
I feel like you never leave the state of Florida. You're like the reverse Dave Portnoy.

Speaker 1 You don't have to worry about your taxes because you're just there.

Speaker 14 That's right.

Speaker 14 No, I'd love to come hang out.

Speaker 14 I've only been in New York City a couple times.

Speaker 14 Not a huge fan, but

Speaker 14 I don't fit in. I don't think great there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're a Florida guy through and through.

Speaker 1 You're very relaxed. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you are very relaxed. That is, that is like your MO.
What about, are you worried at all that retiring from the NFL is going to hurt you in Blake of the Year competitions?

Speaker 14 Yeah, I have thought about that. I'm going to have to find something else, right? Because

Speaker 14 Blake Griffin's, obviously, he just signed a new contract, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you know where? Oh, we were going to sorry.

Speaker 14 Yep. I was going to say Boston.
Yep.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 14 Brooks is doing his thing. You know, I'm going to have to find something else to boost my resume because it's not as cool, like Blake Brooks, and then, you know, NBA player,

Speaker 14 professional golfer, you know,

Speaker 14 part-time construction worker that doesn't get paid for it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I think, like, you are the OG, Blake, so you have that going.

Speaker 1 It's like you are the grandfather of the Blakes, right?

Speaker 14 We could get grandfathered in, you think, for a couple of years until I can figure something else out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think, like, you have a seat on the, on the Blake of the Year competition for as long as you want it. What about doing a podcast? Would you do a podcast with another Blake?

Speaker 14 I don't know. I've thought about it, but it's just, I feel like there's a lot of people doing it.
Like you guys crushed it. You got in early.
You guys are kind of the OGs of podcasting.

Speaker 14 I feel like in the sports world, everybody's kind of doing it. And I also think that like I would have a hard time filtering.
you know, what I said into a microphone if I had to do it too often. Yeah.

Speaker 14 I don't know if I'd be great at that.

Speaker 14 And there, you know, I don't know about having certain things out there that are just there forever that like, you know, my kids could listen to or like my mom's going to hear.

Speaker 14 You know, I'd rather just

Speaker 14 save it for hanging around drinking beer, telling stories.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I actually need to probably think about that a little bit.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of bad tape of us for sure. But once you get to that point, you get to a point.
No, but once you get to a point, it's like, yeah, I've said some shit. What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 Like, I've said so much shit. You know, like, I've been taped for a decade plus every single day.

Speaker 11 I just pretend my family doesn't listen.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah. Yeah, that's the same thing.

Speaker 14 Yeah, no one's done it for so long, too, that it's like there's nothing that you're going to say while being recorded that's worse than something you previously said.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. Like, we maybe it cracks the top 10, but yeah, yeah, we buried ourselves.

Speaker 2 We flooded the zone with so much crap that it's hard to

Speaker 2 make anything else stand out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you know how much money you made?

Speaker 1 in the NFL? It's pretty cool.

Speaker 14 No, I mean, I know like contractually what I made, but I didn't get like the back half of my second contract here

Speaker 14 and then taxes.

Speaker 1 No, do you know like the exact number? It says 47 million. That's fucking awesome.

Speaker 14 Sounds right, man. That's awesome.
Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 How cool? Just good nerves.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's pretty fucking sweet. Like when you say it and you're just like, oh, yeah, I did make 47 million in like seven years of work.
That's pretty fucking good.

Speaker 14 Suck it, nerds.

Speaker 1 Score one for the good guys. Love it.
I fucking love it.

Speaker 2 I love, like, what pieces of advice do you have out there for any

Speaker 2 youngsters, any youngsters coming up, whether it be in college football or just hanging out, just outside of sports?

Speaker 1 Just in general?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 how should people try to live their lives to be more like Blake?

Speaker 14 I mean, yeah, finding a way to make some money playing a sport is always a great thing so if you're able to do that you know more power to you um

Speaker 14 i don't know man i always like even while playing football

Speaker 14 like we kind of it was

Speaker 14 um like you obviously you take your work very seriously and you know everything you're you're getting paid to play football and especially as a quarterback you know you have to make sure um you know like you're kind of keeping a clean profile and doing the right things and saying the right things and all that, representing everybody that, you know, supports you.

Speaker 14 But like for me, it was like, you know, make sure you're prepared and working hard, play as hard as you can play. And like outside of that, have as much fun as possible and just don't get in trouble.

Speaker 14 You know, I struggled at times doing the back part of that, but you know, I think as long as you enjoy what you're doing, you're lucky. If not, then when you don't have to do it, enjoy something else.

Speaker 1 What about any regrets?

Speaker 14 My life advice.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 14 there's a lot.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 come on.

Speaker 14 Just in general, in life, what regrets do I have?

Speaker 2 Yeah, just, I mean, it seems like, I mean, you objectively have had an enormously successful career. Like, that's just a fact.
Like, you, you got to the highest level of your game.

Speaker 2 You got paid, what, $47 million?

Speaker 1 Yep. $47.

Speaker 2 Like, from a business standpoint, you are, you should do a business podcast. Yeah.

Speaker 14 I don't think that would do well. We could talk stocks.
We could talk investment portfolios.

Speaker 1 Like, I mean, the numbers.

Speaker 2 The numbers don't lie. You are like a, you're a businessman.

Speaker 14 I am a businessman.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 14 Yeah, dude. I don't.

Speaker 14 I mean, yeah, it's kind of crazy to think about. You played football.
Started playing football when I was five and was lucky enough to play until I was 30 and was able to do some of that stuff.

Speaker 14 Because if not, we might be working construction ripping six.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. All right, Blake, I have one last question for you.

Speaker 11 Wait, I had something before. Go ahead.

Speaker 11 I was doing some reminiscing of my own before this interview, and I realized that the history of Blake and Super Bowls, I just wanted to rattle through these.

Speaker 11 Maybe you have some memories that are like continuing

Speaker 1 history.

Speaker 11 But 2015 or no, 2016, part of my take was still in the womb. It existed, but it wasn't out to the world yet.
You did a casting couch interview with Eric Ebron and Jabari Price.

Speaker 11 That was chaotic. 2016.

Speaker 14 That was in San Francisco, right?

Speaker 2 That was in San Francisco.

Speaker 1 San San Francisco, yep. 2016.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 My marketing guy was like, hey, these guys are, you know, they're kind of like busting into the sports world. And

Speaker 14 I don't know. Had you guys interviewed any NFL quarterbacks at that time?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. And I that wasn't even like a, yeah, it wasn't even a plan for those interviews until we got there.
Yeah.

Speaker 14 right. That's what, yeah.
He's like, nobody really knows much about him. And like, I obviously knew a little bit about Barcelona.
He's like, I don't think anybody's doing it.

Speaker 14 And kind of like starts explaining it to me. And I was like, yeah, dude, absolutely.
Let's go to them.

Speaker 1 That was a Super Bowl that Dave had bought his flight and a house in San Francisco before the Super Bowl, like before the playoffs.

Speaker 1 And it was the famous one where he didn't account for the air when the Patriots played the Broncos. And he was like, I just, fellas, I just didn't account for the air.
And

Speaker 1 we had the house and we had the RV. And we, like, he begrudgingly was like, fine, we'll just go.
And then we just started interviewing people on that RV.

Speaker 1 And I had the picture with you where I found, I don't know where I got that jersey, but it was like size. That youth jersey.

Speaker 14 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That looked good. That was awesome.

Speaker 14 All right. Sorry, Hank.
Go ahead.

Speaker 11 2016, the party, Super Bowl party to end all Super Bowl parties. You and Jared almost burnt down the Totino's house.

Speaker 11 I mean,

Speaker 11 that was my personal favorite memory. That's when

Speaker 11 you and Jared became my guys for life, legends for life.

Speaker 2 That was an amazing moment coming back to the house. It smells like smoke.

Speaker 2 And I go into the kitchen and there's Blake Bortles and Jared Goff, and they're starting a fire in the kitchen because they can't figure out how to cook Totino's pizza rolls in the oven.

Speaker 1 Dude, we actually,

Speaker 14 there was an extra zero or something that got added. We put them in there for an hour and thought it was like a minute or two and then just forgot.

Speaker 14 That would have been, wasn't that when we were in an Uber and Hank was just wandering down the side of the street and we picked him up?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was, I, all right, I was remedying. I was standing by him and was like, oh shit, that's Hank.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was, I, I was trying to remember if that was you or not, but yeah, I was like, I think we went to the house together, yeah, yeah, and that was also when Hank and Blake both saw Dave getting head

Speaker 1 because his windows were open in his room.

Speaker 11 Yep, all-time funny night.

Speaker 1 And then, uh, I mean, we interviewed you in at in Minnesota One other, one other for the 2017 Super Bowl or 16, whatever it was.

Speaker 1 Houston.

Speaker 2 Houston.

Speaker 1 That also, I can't remember if it was you texting me or Jared texting me being like, I think it was you texting me being like, hey, do you know where Jared is?

Speaker 2 And I was like, the next morning.

Speaker 1 And I was like,

Speaker 1 are you really asking me? Like, how, like, I don't know where Jared is. No, I think it was reversed.
It was reversed, probably. It was Jared asking where Blake is.

Speaker 1 Because we had a flight.

Speaker 14 My phone died. I I don't know what ended up happening later that night, but my phone died and we were flying out at like 9 a.m.

Speaker 14 And I remember, you know, kind of exiting everything and then being like, dude, like flights at nine, don't miss it.

Speaker 14 And, you know, just pulling up at an Uber, telling the guy to go as fast as possible out on the tarmac at like 8.59, just popping out.

Speaker 1 Like we made it. Yeah.
And that was one of those moments. It was like, what is my, like, there's one NFL quarterback texting me asking me where the other NFL quarterback is.

Speaker 1 And I was like, what is going on right now? Like, what this is, this is a wild thing to be a part of. But that was, yeah, that was an all-time night, all-time part of it.
That was special. All right.

Speaker 11 Interviewed you in Atlanta or in Minnesota on the bus. I don't think anything crazy from there.
Just in the van. And then the Atlanta Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 That was Man of the Year year, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you were there for the Man of the Year. Atlanta.
Should have won.

Speaker 2 Do you think you got fucked over in the Man of the Year competition?

Speaker 14 Well, yeah. I didn't know Chris Long was supplying a whole continent with water.

Speaker 14 I don't think any of us would have gone. Somebody actually said that to him, like, bro, why didn't you tell us you were like supplying all of I don't even know?

Speaker 1 I don't want to say that all of us.

Speaker 1 It was something like that.

Speaker 14 Yeah, it was like a couple, I don't know if it was a couple countries, but it was essentially like dude supplied like a whole continent with water. It was like, yeah, no shit.
He was going to win.

Speaker 1 And then the Atlanta Super Bowl Patriots won.

Speaker 11 I was going into the after party. My friends from home were there.
And then Dave and like a bunch of people from Barcelona also didn't have tickets to get in.

Speaker 11 So I was like, all right, I'm going to get in. I'm going to try and, I got to, I'm just going to get in and figure out a way to get all these people in here once I get in.

Speaker 11 I saw you at the bar downstairs. No one was even there yet.
And then I was telling you my situation. You took the pass off your neck.
Or like, here, I'm not staying for this party. Take my pass.

Speaker 11 It was, I think you were there for NFL Man of the Year too, because it was like an all-access pass that you could just walk in and out. You didn't need a ticket because you were staying at the hotel.

Speaker 11 So I was able to take that pass and then get like all my friends from home and like 10 other people in one of my favorite nights I've ever had, and that was all because of you.

Speaker 1 That's all, Blake.

Speaker 14 That was that was, and then you got everybody in, and then Dave was in there for like 10 minutes and they tossed him, didn't they?

Speaker 11 Yeah, like he like came and left. It was like, uh, yeah, I forget, I forget exactly what happened, but

Speaker 11 that if it wasn't for that pass, because I think in the previous ones, it was easier to do pass backs. And I was like, oh, I was telling people, I was like, oh,

Speaker 11 you know, in the past two I've been to, it was kind of easy to get people back and forth. And I got in, I was like, this is going to be a problem because it was like, you had to have a ticket.

Speaker 11 Once you gave them your ticket, they took your ticket. So I was like, fuck, I need, I need something.
And Blake basically had like the gold pass.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
That's an all-time Blake move. Like, that's why you're a ride or die guy.
I still have the pass.

Speaker 14 Nick,

Speaker 14 anything for you, Hank.

Speaker 14 How awesome was that night for you? That had to be a great time.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 11 top five nights of my life, too, I'd say.

Speaker 1 Thanks to Blake. Thanks to Blake.
Thanks to Blake. Anytime, Hank.

Speaker 1 Solid, solid.

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Speaker 1 If there's one person that we can hate for you,

Speaker 1 some person who said something or did something during your career, give it to us. We want to just carry the legacy.
I know you don't care.

Speaker 1 Like, you're the most, I don't, you know, whatever people say shit, but let us, we do care, and we like to protect our friends.

Speaker 1 So just, you know, one person we can put in our back of our brain and be like, Yeah, that guy will carry the hate for you.

Speaker 14 Um,

Speaker 14 I mean, I don't know if there's many people in sports that like didn't have something negative to say about me at some point while I was playing,

Speaker 14 but like, if there was one person that, uh,

Speaker 14 dude, I don't even know,

Speaker 14 you know, who hated me,

Speaker 14 and he, I would, I don't even know him. I would imagine, like, if you asked him, he would be like, Yeah, that guy sucked was Chris Simps.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he did have a lot of people.

Speaker 14 I saw somebody show me a list one time. He ranked me as like the 47th best quarterback in the NFL.
And I was starting in Jacksonville.

Speaker 14 And I was like, he's got 15 backups ranked ahead of me as a quarterback in the NFL. That guy really did not like me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I felt like there was a moment in time where people like basically propelled their career by being like, Blake Portal sucks.

Speaker 14 Yeah, it was an easy one, you know, and I respect it. You got to do what you got to do to advance in your profession.
I didn't really care, but

Speaker 14 yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. And then one guy who championed you, like, who's the one guy that was like, oh, yeah, that guy always, like, he was pretty cool?

Speaker 14 There was a couple of good local dudes here in Jacksonville that I still keep in touch with.

Speaker 14 Is that who you're talking about? Like, media people? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Trying to think.

Speaker 14 Jeff Darlington was always great.

Speaker 14 The problem was, is I never paid attention to anything. So like these people could have been, you know, here I am thinking like, what a great relationship we have.

Speaker 14 And then he's on Twitter just hammering me and I'd have no idea.

Speaker 14 Mark Long and Mike D-Rock, the ESPN guy here in Jacksonville. Those two dudes I still talk to.
They were always great.

Speaker 1 I love it. I love it.
What about Prisco?

Speaker 1 Prisco wasn't still around, was he?

Speaker 14 It's his first name, Pete Prisco. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Little guy.
Small guy. Really short.
Tiny.

Speaker 2 Maybe it's maybe when I first got it.

Speaker 1 In your pocket. I can't remember.
Okay. Yeah.
All right.

Speaker 2 Did you ever watch The Good Place?

Speaker 14 No. I need to.
I want to. Just because it's actually a pretty good show, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what you should do.

Speaker 2 That's what you should do. And take advantage of the days off that you have.

Speaker 1 Watch The Good Place.

Speaker 2 They loved Blake Bortles on that show.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I think I need to check that out.

Speaker 14 It was a couple years ago, 17 or 18-ish, they asked me to come do like a little special thing in there because some guy's a massive Jacksonville fan in it, right? Yeah.

Speaker 14 And it didn't work out.

Speaker 14 It was in LA and I was leaving LA. But yeah, I might need to watch that.

Speaker 2 The other thing that I had was, you remember that highlight when you were running against the Pittsburgh Steelers and somebody just absolutely leveled that dude and you started smiling and laughing in the middle of the play?

Speaker 14 Yeah, TJ yelled and hit Mike Mitchell.

Speaker 14 And

Speaker 14 I do remember that. It was on our sideline

Speaker 14 it was awesome it was a third down too yeah you know there's also

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 14 fun things happen you can't help but laugh while it's going on yeah

Speaker 1 there's also a picture of you in the hall of fame that you know that right there's a picture of you in the hall of fame with your like tongue out getting just smoked uh-oh yeah

Speaker 1 it's not somebody that's in the hall of fame i don't know i can't remember just a random picture yeah didn't we take that picture there was like a picture of you getting just absolutely leveled.

Speaker 1 I can't remember. Let me look it up.

Speaker 2 As I look this up, do you know just off the top of your head who the number three all-time

Speaker 2 ranked player in yards per carry is in the NFL?

Speaker 14 Three.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 No. I'm on there somewhere, right?

Speaker 2 I think it's you.

Speaker 14 Am I third all-time?

Speaker 2 I think it's you. Maybe just for quarterbacks.

Speaker 1 And this is black.

Speaker 14 You know what needs to be the next is like guys that ran,

Speaker 14 although there's probably nobody else even on that list that ran a 4940 at the combine.

Speaker 2 Yep, you were just efficient. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Definitely, yeah, the slowest guy by far. You know what? It was all the,

Speaker 14 I used to call it something else, the taco man with the football. You play as a kid, you know, growing up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yep.
Yep. Get the guy with the ball.
That's what we called it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just get that guy with the football. Uh-huh.
That's it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you might actually be the most efficient runner in the history of the NFL when you take into account your speed versus the amount of yards you were able to cover.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I mean, it's a wild stat that I'm on

Speaker 14 that list.

Speaker 14 Who is like one?

Speaker 14 Someone like Michael Vick or somebody?

Speaker 2 I think Vic might be number one or two.

Speaker 14 And the other guy, Randall Cunningham.

Speaker 2 The other guy played in like 1950, I think.

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 14 Barstar.

Speaker 1 Yeah, something like that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you're

Speaker 2 George Mira.

Speaker 14 Oh, George, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, old Georgie.

Speaker 1 And then Mike Vick, and then

Speaker 1 Blake Bortles. That's pretty cool.

Speaker 14 That is cool. That's pretty wild.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 Blake, I mean, you have to, we'll keep in touch. I do also just want to say to end it, like, thank you because you bought in with us very early on, and that was big.

Speaker 1 Like, that's one of those things that when we think about the history of pardon my Take, you being cool and wanting to come on

Speaker 1 was a big deal for us. And it still is a big deal.
So

Speaker 1 you should definitely know that that's like part of, you're not only part of NFL history, like you can't write the story of Pardon My Take without Blake Bortles.

Speaker 1 You're in the Pardon My Take Hall of Fame.

Speaker 14 I'm honored to be a part of it, man. You guys have always been great.

Speaker 14 Thanks for, you know,

Speaker 14 being a friend to me, sticking up for me. You're going to make me emotional.

Speaker 14 i'm just kidding um

Speaker 14 thanks for thanks for sharing your fans you know i got i feel like a lot of fans from you guys that were great uh we had great times and i was i mean what you guys have done is so cool and it was such a non normal thing in sports media at the time everything was so buttoned up and quarterbacks always had to give the politically correct down the line answer so being able to talk with you guys and kind of let it fly a little bit to me was always something that was really enjoyable yeah

Speaker 2 honestly honestly thank you. I appreciate everything that you've done for us.
You didn't have to a lot of these times. So it's been, it's been great to, to build this relationship with you.

Speaker 2 And I know that you're going to be great on the senior tour. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Being retired.

Speaker 2 15 years. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're going to be a great 2042.

Speaker 1 Okay. Hashtag 2042.
We'll catty for you. We'll catty for you.

Speaker 14 Dude, I also, last thing.

Speaker 14 My parents still live in Orlando. There's like a fake Twitter account that's my name.
And for whatever reason, stuff like this is still happening.

Speaker 14 But it tweeted out, you know, after the thing came out, retired.

Speaker 14 I'm going to pursue what I've always wanted to do is, you know, riding equestrian horses and get ready for 2024 Olympics in Paris, France.

Speaker 14 Like the news stations in Orlando were like running it all afternoon that I was training for the Olympics in 2024 for Paris to ride equestrian.

Speaker 1 So are you saying you're not?

Speaker 14 No, I might.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right, good, good. So rerun it.
Rerun it. That's right.
He's not closing the door.

Speaker 14 Yeah, no, we'll stick to that. No, but thank you guys, man.
You guys are the best. Always have been.

Speaker 1 All right. Thanks, Blake.
Love you, man. We will put you into part of my team Hall of Fame.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You'll be the first inductee.

Speaker 9 Experian is your big financial friend, helping you find ways to save, manage your credit, and apply for cards labeled No Ding Decline.

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Speaker 9 Download the Experian app today. Disclaimer: Applying for No Ding Decline cards won't hurt your credit scores if you aren't initially approved.

Speaker 9 Initial approval will result in a hard inquiry, which will impact your credit scores.

Speaker 2 And now here's Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 1 And now for something completely different.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on

Speaker 1 recurring guests. I'm not going to say good friend because he just beat my bears.

Speaker 1 And then I have to look at his smiling face. It is Kirk Cousins, quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings.
It's one question with a quarterback. Kirk, we each get one question, yourself included.

Speaker 1 My one question is a very important question.

Speaker 1 I saw when you were in London after the game, you did the gritty off the field. Do you think you killed the gritty? Because I don't think it's, I don't, it's not cool anymore after you did it.

Speaker 15 I haven't seen the tape, so I got to see the tape and then I could give you a better answer. But

Speaker 15 no, there's room for improvement. There's always room for improvement.
We can all be better, big cat, but

Speaker 15 I got to watch that tape, certainly. And I would agree that anything that I do is no longer cool.
So, like when I wear the plaid button down to week one, you know, it looks like I got it from Kohl's.

Speaker 15 But if Justin Jefferson wears that same plaid button down to next week's press conference, everybody in Minnesota is buying a plaid button down. So I'm fully aware of that.

Speaker 15 And I don't want to do anything to tarnish the gritty. It's got a lot of momentum right now.
So it's probably best if I just stay away from it.

Speaker 1 I hate that you have the self-awareness there because that makes me okay. All right, that was a good answer.
That was a good answer to my one question. Also, goddamn it.

Speaker 2 I don't think Minnesota needs any help buying button-down flannel shirts.

Speaker 1 I feel like

Speaker 1 you're doing okay. I have to put it right in.

Speaker 14 That's why I have to pay right in.

Speaker 2 All right, now I've got a lot of pressure on my one question because I also want to be a jerk to you, but I'm trying to think how you're going to disarm my question.

Speaker 2 So, my one question is: How much money do you have?

Speaker 15 Uh, I got plenty, uh, Plenty. I'll say that.
And

Speaker 15 how much money? Well, hold on.

Speaker 14 I only got one question.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you only got one question. You almost made a mistake.
This is it.

Speaker 15 I paused before I said anything.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Let me think here. So I know both you guys don't love the Vikings, and both of you guys don't love me.

Speaker 15 So I guess my question is,

Speaker 15 what's your all-time favorite? Who's your all-time favorite Vikings player?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a good question.

Speaker 1 Great question.

Speaker 2 I would say,

Speaker 2 shoot. I mean, the easy answer would be Randy Moss, right? But I also like John Randall.
He was a beast back in the day. I'm going to go with C.J.
Hamm. I think C.J.

Speaker 2 Hamm is my all-time favorite Vikings player. I'm a fan of fullbacks.
What can I say? I think he makes you look good out there. I think you're a system quarterback, and without C.J.

Speaker 2 Hamm as your fullback, you completely fall apart.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think that's a good thing.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I also, I mean, Randy Moss is one of those guys that even if, you know, I don't like the Vikings, but he was so cool and so good that it was like, man, this is hard.

Speaker 15 He was another guy who could wear a plaid button down. Yes.

Speaker 1 And it would look good on him. Yes.
Like, Justin Jefferson right now is in that camp of like, I don't like him.

Speaker 1 He plays for a rival, but every time I'm watching him, I'm like, holy shit, this guy's incredible. I'll go with Blair Walsh.
I'll go with Blair Walsh. Yep.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Blair Walsh feels right. He's my favorite.

Speaker 15 That's part for the course, Dave.

Speaker 1 Okay, we have Jake. You have one last question.

Speaker 1 One of our guys here,

Speaker 1 he has the last question to end one question with a quarterback.

Speaker 8 Hi, Kirk. Jake Marsh, part of my take podcast.

Speaker 2 You like that?

Speaker 15 I do like that. I'm liking this interview.
I've never been asked in an interview how much money I have, and I think that's just tremendous.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and we can't ask follow-ups. Yeah, so that was one question with a quarterback.

Speaker 1 I mean, Kirk, you're welcome to come back on anytime for one question with the the quarterback we've kind of screwed ourselves in this entire um segment and started as a joke i don't know if you saw last week blake bortles retired during one question with the quarterback and then we didn't we couldn't ask follow-ups so um this yeah that this is it this is the conclusion of it and uh thank you for joining us

Speaker 15 Thrilled to be on with you guys. A lot of laughs.

Speaker 15 Good way to start my week. And we'll get another question going down the road.

Speaker 1 Okay, I hate how much I like you. I just can't stand stand this.

Speaker 1 You're going to come around on me. It's going to take time.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 You're doing it again. You're doing double sportsmanship on me.
No.

Speaker 1 It's like a sick joke that I had to watch you beat the Bears and then have to see your smiling face on Monday morning, and I can't even ask another question. So that's that.

Speaker 15 See if someday I'm going to retire and you guys are going to be sad about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, actually, that's true. That's a fact.
That's a fact. Because half of our jokes are gone.
You do give us a tremendous amount of content.

Speaker 2 Maybe one day, maybe a one-day contract with the football team. Who knows?

Speaker 1 Yes. There you go.
Okay. Thank you, Kirk.
Appreciate it, man. Thank you.

Speaker 14 We'll see you.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 16 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 16 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 2 And now here's Uncle Chaps.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 It's roast time. It's been a while.
It's been a while since we've seen our good friend Uncle Chaps. We got to spend Sunday with him.
We got to watch the Jaguars just continue to be the Jaguars.

Speaker 1 Nothing has changed. Don't.

Speaker 6 I thought we were going to start on a nice note to the family. We're not being ugly.

Speaker 2 We're not being ugly. Something's changed.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You got no beer. You got creamed.

Speaker 1 And I'm feeling pretty, pretty good about it, boys. So it looks good.

Speaker 2 It was a big-time backfire. We bet Chaps on the Jaguars Commanders game, and the loser was going to have to get creamed.
And Chaps got creamed this morning. I creamed him in the studio.

Speaker 2 You look awesome.

Speaker 1 Thank you very much.

Speaker 6 Last time, whenever I shaved and everybody made fun of me, I had to FaceTime my wife, and she said that I made her want to throw up.

Speaker 6 This time, she said I could still have sex with her, which is sweet.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Yeah, I know.
Congratulations. Nice.
I know. Congrats on that.
Thank you. But back to the Jaguars.
They stink.

Speaker 6 They do stink, I think.

Speaker 1 Where are you at with Trevor Lawrence? Because I'm not in a good place. We've been the most reactive podcast in the world to Trevor Lawrence.
We thought he sucked.

Speaker 1 Then he had a couple good games, and I was like, he's awesome. And now I kind of think he sucks again.

Speaker 6 I do too. I mean, I don't think he sucks, but he definitely sucks throwing the deep ball, which makes him suck.
And they don't really have anybody that catches it either.

Speaker 6 They don't have anybody that's super fast. But some of the throws that he's made when people are wide open, that's the reason why we lost to you guys.
That's the reason why we lost to the Commanders.

Speaker 6 The reason why we lost to the Eagles. Wide open throws and he just can't make them.

Speaker 1 He's not making them right now.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, that's tough to have a quarterback that's really good at like short and intermediate throws and then just won't hit anything downfield at all. It's very frustrating.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because you see the never had that happen to me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, you never had that.
It's nice that you're in this grieving stage where you're like, he doesn't suck.

Speaker 1 But then when you describe it, it's like, oh, no, that is what you just explained was a bad quarterback.

Speaker 6 Yeah, he's year two, week five.

Speaker 1 So, yeah.

Speaker 6 So I'm riding and dying with every quarter. Like, my opinion on Trevor changes every single quarter.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And yeah, that is a very familiar feeling where it's just like, it's just everything is volatile.

Speaker 1 Everything you see, you're like, there it is. He finally figured it out.
And it's like, no, he actually stinks.

Speaker 1 I feel like if the Jaguars can go like around 500, you'd be pretty happy.

Speaker 6 Oh, I'd be thrilled. Eight wins.

Speaker 1 Nine wins.

Speaker 6 What really screwed me was that win against the Chargers because they had a bunch of guys out and we dominated them after shutting out the Colts. So I was like, man, we are back.

Speaker 6 The defense looked like it was flying. They could stop the run, but now they can't.

Speaker 1 They gave up. And they did dominate the Texas.
They did the Eagles. They did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they did. They statistically dominated them.
They just didn't do the thing that you need to do is score points. Right.

Speaker 6 Throwing interceptions in the end zone, bad. Fumbling it right near the end zone.
Bad. Missing field goals, bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if the end zones were at the 20 instead of the end zone, the Jaguars would have won by like three touchdowns.

Speaker 6 They changed that rule next year.

Speaker 1 Look out.

Speaker 2 What is it about the Texans? Why do they own you?

Speaker 6 I don't know because they stink. They stink against everybody else.
It's kind of like we are with the Colts, I guess.

Speaker 6 We own the Colts and have beat them, I think, like seven times in a row or at home.

Speaker 6 The Texans dominate us nine in a row against the shitty Texans is disgusting.

Speaker 1 It is nice, though, that the AFC South kind of like, you just know there's a rhythm to it. The Texans will beat the Jaguars.
The Jaguars will beat the Colts.

Speaker 1 And the Titans will never be good, but they'll always win the division. Yeah.
Like, that's kind of what it is. It's like the last five years.

Speaker 6 If you went and had, like, a coma for 10 years and you said that sentence, you're caught up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. That's the AFC South.

Speaker 2 It's the junkyard version of the NFC West where you can figure out exactly what's going to happen, like, which coaches own the other guy. Yeah.
Yeah, basically.

Speaker 1 And just throwing the Titans in the mix where it's like, you just look at the Titans constantly and you're like, that's not a good team, but they will go to the playoffs.

Speaker 6 I had such a bad feeling.

Speaker 6 The Titans were, or the Texans were on the one-yard line, and I have real bad PTSD about that against the Jags because of what Derrick Henry did a couple years ago and absolutely dominated us.

Speaker 6 I thought for sure Pierce was going to take 199-yards. Shoestring tackle.
It almost happened.

Speaker 1 Yep, yep.

Speaker 2 So, how do you feel about old Doug?

Speaker 6 I love Doug. I think Doug is...
People, dude. There's been some media in Jackson.
It's like, I don't know about Doug.

Speaker 6 He wants to rely on the pass instead of the run, but the quarterback has to make the throws. Like, the play calls have been good.

Speaker 2 It's 2022. I think it's okay to have a coach who likes to pass the football.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think it's okay.

Speaker 2 I think that's perfectly normal at this point.

Speaker 1 Do you want to do some roasts? Yeah. How's the reading going these days? I'm getting better at it.
By the way, listen to ZBT.

Speaker 1 I actually was talking to Chaps today about I was just, whenever Chaps is in studio or in the office, I just catch up on my

Speaker 1 international politics. I was like, so is Putin gonna do this nuclear thing? And you're like, nah, if he moves those, if he touches those nuclear things, we'll fucking blow them up.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I think they monitor that stuff pretty well. That's good.
That's how we know, like North Korea stuff. It's how we know Iran stuff.

Speaker 6 They have like sensors in the sky, essentially, that they can figure out where these movements, and people that watch it all the time, they start moving a nuclear weapon. It'll be hell for them.

Speaker 1 Is that when they like, how does it work? Do they have to move it for a while? Like, I would imagine it's not a button that you press. They have to like arm it and everything.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it takes a little bit for it to get going. I mean, there is some that are smaller that you can have pretty readily available.

Speaker 6 But if they move one that's going to make, like, the tactical nuclear, like, you know, it's moving, too. They have an idea of where all of those weapons are.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
That's kind of bad.

Speaker 6 But also, you look at military intelligence over the last two decades and you're like, well, maybe you guys don't actually know.

Speaker 1 You're right.

Speaker 2 What about the suitcase nuke? Is that still a thing?

Speaker 6 I don't think so.

Speaker 6 Like the World War II nuclear weapons, they got most, that was part of, what was it, the disarmament agreement between Russia and us that we were going to get rid of all those They used to have one I don't know if you've seen one that's like an RPG that you could put a shoulder-fired nuclear weapon and shoot it off dude You would feel so cool if you were rolling around like that

Speaker 6 on your hip There's a video that just came out recently It was like two or three days ago as Ukraine pushes towards Crimea and try to get that back there was a guy that was standing with one of our new anti-missile technology standing on like a road and you could hear their anti-aircraft missile go off and that's what's causing a lot of destruction there their missiles the surface the ground missiles and whenever those hit the guy it stands and shoots the technology that we have and it intercepts it in the sky and all of the other army dudes from ukraine are going bananas that must be awesome yeah cool feeling that it brought me so back like what i was on a roof one time and there's a bunch of terrorists that went into this one house and you see like a gun run come and as soon as like an a-10 warthog comes over or people start shooting hellfire missiles everybody's like, oh my fucking God.

Speaker 1 Let's go.

Speaker 2 The close air support with the

Speaker 2 sound.

Speaker 6 And then you go by and the amount, how big those rounds are and the amount of damage that they cause, even in like vehicles, you're just like, holy shit.

Speaker 2 And it's like a bullet that can hit 10 feet away from you on the ground and it'll still kill you.

Speaker 6 Yeah, like just the wind that kind of goes by you, the pressure force there.

Speaker 6 When you hear those, like, so we would have these briefs before you go out on a mission, and they would tell you what your air support was they tell you if you have f-18s if it's just helicopters every time if they said you have a 10s in your area people were like let's go yeah because they can get so close to you other ones you have to stay pretty far back a 10s are so accurate they can be a lot more like 200 meters geez and there was also kind of a sad moment because i was talking to kate and and chaps and i was like so what why is ukraine winning and it's like well we're just paying for all their weapons and i was like well if history repeats itself we'll just invade ukraine and they'll shoot us with our own weapons in like 20 years and they both just side and war is the biggest home field advantage too like it's the most home field advantage it's like arrowhead they don't care those russians that are going in and try to take over all the conscripts and their army they don't give a shit about that territory ukraine does yeah that's their home that's it okay um war talk that was war talk uh subscribe to zbt with chaps kate and cons

Speaker 1 uh let's do some roast okay yeah so the reading is okay um it's not gonna go great. Okay.

Speaker 2 I feel like you're going to be able to talk better without all that beard in your mouth.

Speaker 6 I think so, too. Did you send it, Hank?

Speaker 1 Oh, he's not sending it.

Speaker 2 See, I don't like how cool Chaps looks with just the mustache.

Speaker 1 He looks awesome. I feel like.

Speaker 2 So the bet was a full creaming, but then I told him, yeah, you'll look like a pervert if we just go mustache.

Speaker 1 But he doesn't look like a pervert at all. Oh, he looks cool.

Speaker 2 I feel like I should be able to just cream the rest of his face.

Speaker 6 No, we agreed, and you agreed that it's done.

Speaker 6 Done.

Speaker 6 I can't go back. I feel so good about my.
It would be ultra cruel if I had to lose it now and I look like shit.

Speaker 2 What happens now if the Astros, your beloved Astros, lose the first two games? Then you'll have to think to yourself, wait a second, did I do it?

Speaker 1 Not to do it again.

Speaker 1 Do it again.

Speaker 6 Because last time we were up against your beloved Nats three to two.

Speaker 2 That's true. And you creamed your entire face, shaved your entire beard off, and then boom.

Speaker 6 While wearing two ring shirts.

Speaker 1 Put it on you. Yep.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 6 Here we go. Let's do it.
You want me to do big time Tommy again?

Speaker 1 Sure. Okay.

Speaker 6 What's up, Instagram? It's Big Time Tommy. If Hank's eyes were even or were any further apart, they would fall off his face.

Speaker 6 PFT's hair looks like it would always smell like sewage water and the beach.

Speaker 6 There's nothing to say to Big Cat other than I'm sorry you have to watch the bears. Billy football has definitely jerked off to boobs he drew.

Speaker 6 That's the old school way, honestly.

Speaker 1 Hank doesn't have eyes that are far apart. No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I've noticed that about Hank for a while. You basically, that lady from the Queen's Gambit, that's Hank.

Speaker 1 Your hammerhead shark?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Justin Fields.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't think that's you at all. Me neither.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 This one is like a soliloquy.

Speaker 1 You don't have to do big tanks. I know it takes a lot out of you, so you can switch back and forth.
All right.

Speaker 6 With my tongue, do you click?

Speaker 1 Click, click, click.

Speaker 6 I know it's a nickname, Big Cat, but that doesn't mean he has to eat lasagna for every meal.

Speaker 6 He's just the father of two, but that doesn't mean you need to look like you're having to.

Speaker 6 Just accept that you've reached the Tommy Bahama phase of your life, and it gets better.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Tommy Bahama is a great phase.
I don't think that's not a roast. That's gassing you up.
No, it is, yeah. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 I have reached that phase. I do wear a lot of Hawaiian shirts.
They are very distracting to my physique. And, yeah.

Speaker 6 Have you started looking for colognes that smell a little bit like limes?

Speaker 1 No, I have not. I should.
That's the real one. I should, absolutely.
I also don't eat a lot of lasagna. You don't? No, lasagna is good, but I...

Speaker 1 How many times? Lasagna's what, like four times a year? How many times do you eat lasagna? I eat lasagna on Christmas. Four times.
It's seasonal. Yeah, it's like four times a year.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, that's a good lasagna.

Speaker 6 Chili, on the other hand.

Speaker 1 Oh, all the time. Buddy.

Speaker 6 PFT is constantly pushing his liberal agenda.

Speaker 6 Rattling on about how much he loves the commies,

Speaker 6 putting your left hand up. He also looks like he should be giving guitar lessons to middle schoolers.
He is just missing a bleach-stained megadeth shirt.

Speaker 1 Ooh, okay.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's pretty good. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that makes you sound like God.

Speaker 1 I've done all those things.

Speaker 6 I don't think this guy understood the assignment.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Hank has a dream job, and yet he gives off the vibe of someone who says, quote, live in the dream to his coworkers while Googling the best load-bearing ropes.

Speaker 1 That was pretty good. Yeah, that was a good one.

Speaker 6 Billy is what happens when you spend four years of college listening to the Joe Rogan experience instead of your professors. He is a perfect example of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
What's that effect?

Speaker 2 No idea. I'm pretty sure that with Billy, he's actually the result of just like if we grew somebody's brain in a lab listening to only part of my take.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 2 we brought Billy upon ourselves.

Speaker 6 Could you guys do that? You know, those tweets that go out, like, I made a bot watch of a computer watch Seinfeld for 1,000 hours and this is what happens? Yeah.

Speaker 5 You guys should do that for PMT.

Speaker 2 Billy's talking about two-point conversions.

Speaker 1 So the Dunning-Kruger effect is in psychology a cognitive bias whereby people with limited knowledge or competence in a given intellectual or social domain greatly overestimate their own knowledge or competence in that domain relative to objective criteria or to the performance of their peers or of people in general.

Speaker 1 That could not be more spot-on.

Speaker 6 Honest to God, I think I might change that to ZBT's bio.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's the Billy football effect. That's not what it is.
The Dunning-Kruger effect out, Billy football.

Speaker 10 That's just called running on vibes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that is. That is.
That is.

Speaker 6 Max is basically just a Wawa in human form.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's good.

Speaker 6 He's unassuming, normal, but so Philadelphian it becomes unlikable.

Speaker 1 Yep, yep, that's true. When his Philadelphia shows, it's like, ooh, scary.

Speaker 1 Don't bring him around on Sunday. Don't bring her on any kids.

Speaker 6 If PMT were NFL coaches, Big Cat would be Andy Reid, a big, sloppy unit of a man that puts nothing but highlights out. Okay.

Speaker 6 PFT would be Mike Daniels, fun and quirky little guy who's quick on his feet and always attempts to have an answer, yet can't prove that he can lead a team on his own.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's mean. That was mean.

Speaker 6 Damn. Hank is Bill Belichick.
Grumpy fuck, but gets his work done. Thinks the team wouldn't be

Speaker 6 successful if it wasn't for him. Forget who won him in his rings.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 6 Billy would be Dan Campbell. Steroids, heavy things.

Speaker 6 Never going to be the main guy. I don't know.
He's,

Speaker 6 I think this one just explains itself. Yeah, yep.

Speaker 6 We had a reading throwback there.

Speaker 1 We did a little grew grass. Words on your strong suit.
Yeah, it's tough. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Jake is Pete Carroll. He's a nerd with glasses, maybe related.

Speaker 6 He's history of great battles with Belichick, Hank, but will always be the best in the office and doesn't need to cheat to win competitions.

Speaker 6 I would have gone with Tom Coughlin there, personally, if you're going to make that.

Speaker 1 Okay, yep. Yep.
Yep. Chaps is too many bathroom breaks for Tom Coughlin, though.
Wait, what is it? George Halas. Oh, George Hallis.
Yes.

Speaker 1 The founder of the Bears, basically the NFL. Oh.
Your Papa Bear. Okay, well, that's good.

Speaker 6 How am I that guy? I don't know. That doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 Do you look like George Hallis?

Speaker 6 Like, that might be the least person I'm like.

Speaker 1 I would ever see that. That's a big compliment.
That's literally the only, like, when the Bears talk about

Speaker 1 tradition and history, that's it's 85 and then Papa Bear.

Speaker 2 That's it. His other nickname was Mr.
Everything. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Speaker 1 Well, he's an insane athlete. So this guy fucking loves you.
Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 he loves you. That's a great compliment.
That feels good.

Speaker 6 I might just sit in that for a minute, honestly,

Speaker 6 before we move on. All right.
Big Cat looks like he walks dogs for a living, but also touches them inappropriately

Speaker 6 before he brings them back to his owners.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 6 PFT looks like he carries around a Ziploc baggie full of loose change and pours it out on the gas station counter to buy the cheapest eighth of vodka in a pack of parliaments.

Speaker 1 Okay. I like that.
We've all been there. Yeah, I love parliaments.

Speaker 6 Billy looks like an Eastern Island head.

Speaker 6 Hank looks like a homeless guy who lost his jaw from his ongoing crack addiction and walks around with jeans eight sizes too big and yells at clouds.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 6 Jake reminds me of someone in high school who had a rolling backpack and started sprinting to

Speaker 1 just stop.

Speaker 1 So spot on. Holy shit.

Speaker 11 And sprinted to every class.

Speaker 6 And his most prized possession is a cartoon porno mag.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yep.

Speaker 6 And he says, by the way, I fucking love you guys.

Speaker 6 PFT looks like he does magic to pick up women, but his only magic trick is making their bodies disappear.

Speaker 1 Yikes. That's okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's double throw. A magician murderer.

Speaker 2 Gave me a great idea for Netflix series.

Speaker 6 Billy looks like a high school villain that secretly hooks up with the theater boy at lunch, but then bullies him at the homecoming.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's pretty sad. That is very sad.
That's pretty good. That's pretty good, yeah.

Speaker 6 Big hat looks like he has to fluff himself a bit not to piss on his own ball.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 okay. Yep.
Yep. That hurts.
I will be there someday.

Speaker 1 And it says I have big balls. Yeah, that's the last one.

Speaker 1 Okay. Great.
It's always great to see you.

Speaker 6 Thanks. Good to see you, too.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anything else you want to plug?

Speaker 6 Just the show, I had a drink. Not only did I lose PFT's bet where I had to shave, but I also lost a bet to Kate on the Eagles.
And I had to drink a grog yesterday, and it was absolutely disgusting.

Speaker 1 No, that's tough.

Speaker 1 How are the dogs doing?

Speaker 6 Baby Dale's all right. He's doing great.
Gussy boy from heaven above had to go to the doctor today.

Speaker 1 My guy has double ear infection. Oh, no.
He got the sticks. I actually should more importantly say, how's the cat?

Speaker 6 Sprinkled ankles is doing great. Pepper's still dead.

Speaker 1 No issues? Sad. No, no.

Speaker 6 No, I think we got all the aggressive dogs out.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 which is good news. Maybe a little too late.

Speaker 6 Too late for sure, but we still, we learn from our mistakes and we move on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's all you can do.

Speaker 6 Yeah, we don't need to hold ourselves accountable forever. Eventually, you have to give yourself some grace.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, that's true. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Forgive yourself. Yes, yes.
But maybe not forgive the dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that day when he left.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I think Otto got put down to

Speaker 6 had an issue at the other house.

Speaker 1 More severe than eating a cat?

Speaker 6 Well, I texted the guy that I gave him to like three years ago, and I was like, hey, how is Otto doing? And he was like, I don't know. I got rid of that dog, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 6 I mean, he kind of deserves it. He needs to be on life on the run.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Okay, numbers.
Would you like to? Yeah. Chaps, have you ever gotten this?

Speaker 6 No, not even close, actually.

Speaker 1 Hank, have you ever gotten this? Nope. Would be a real shame if you got it before Hank.

Speaker 1 Would be.

Speaker 2 Okay, so give us your number.

Speaker 6 I'm going 75.

Speaker 2 It's a good number. I'm going to go 20.

Speaker 1 69.

Speaker 11 17.

Speaker 1 18.

Speaker 1 I'll go 79.

Speaker 1 Okay. 28.

Speaker 1 Hank, what were you? 17?

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 6 I just saw the 69 pass through.

Speaker 1 Oh, 19.

Speaker 1 So close. Oh, Hank, you should have guessed right around there.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Damn, dude. So close.

Speaker 6 You guys have been doing this like two years and he's never won.

Speaker 1 Never won, chaps. Damn.
More than two years.

Speaker 2 Love you guys.

Speaker 10 Lobsters communicate by peeing on each other.

Speaker 6 That's sick.

Speaker 1 That is sick. Wait, really?

Speaker 2 My bladders are on their their face.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I believe that because you definitely would have used that ladder before.

Speaker 11 How do you pee in that? Like, how can you pee on that?

Speaker 2 Robster.

Speaker 2 But you know that you're no good for me.

Speaker 2 Cause you're hot when you're cold, you're yes, then you know. You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down.
You're wrong when it's right, it's black and it's white.

Speaker 2 We fight it right out, we can't be making that.

Speaker 2 You shouldn't really wanna say you know

Speaker 2 you shouldn't really wanna cut out.

Speaker 2 You're hot when you're cold, you're yes, then you'll know. You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down.
You're hot when you're cold, you're yes, then you know.

Speaker 2 You're in when you're out, you're up and you're down. You're hot hot and you call you yes and you know, you're in and you're out, you're up and you're down.

Speaker 2 We used to be just like twins, so I think

Speaker 2 the same energy. Now the dead battery

Speaker 2 used to laugh, but not the fake.

Speaker 2 Now you're playing balling.

Speaker 2 But you know

Speaker 2 that you're not gonna change.

Speaker 2 You're hot, then you call me. Yes, then you know.
You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down. You're wrong when it's right, it's black and it's white.

Speaker 2 We fight, we break up, we just be bake up.

Speaker 2 You don't really wanna say no,

Speaker 2 you

Speaker 2 don't really wanna go.

Speaker 2 You're hot, then you're cold, you're yes, then you know. You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down.

Speaker 2 Step one, come the doctor.

Speaker 2 You're the case of a love by holder.

Speaker 2 Stuck on her, road, starting off.

Speaker 2 You change your mind, won't you go?

Speaker 2 Change your clothes.

Speaker 2 Cause you're hot when you're cold. You just think you'll know.
You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down. You're wrong when it's right, it's like it is right.

Speaker 2 We finally break up, we can't make that. You're hot when you cold, yes, they do know.
You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down. You're wrong when it's right, it's like it is right.

Speaker 2 We finally break up, we kiss, we make up.

Speaker 2 You don't really wanna say no,

Speaker 2 you don't really wanna get out. You're hot and you're cold, yes, then you know.
You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down.