NFL Week 1, Fastest 2 Minutes, Recapping Every Game From Sunday, Mahomes Is Still Incredible And The Packers Are Dead

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On today's Pardon My Take, week one of the NFL season, we're going to go through every single game, fastest two minutes. It was a crazy week one, topped off by an absolute stinker of Sunday Night Football.
But we're going to talk about every single game. We also have Who's Back of the Week.
We're going to talk a little college football. We have Football Guy of the Week.
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Today is Monday, September 12th, week one.

We start in Detroit Rock City where the Lions were feeling soupy as Ramen Raw St. Brown started hot but then cooled golf as their coach had a brain full of Dan Campbell's chunky chicken noodle soup after calling for an inopportune onside kick.
Speaking of chicken, Miles Colonel Sanders was playing chicken, but Boston Market Scott had a side of mashed patitis as everyone was expecting a Russian attack from the Eagles, but it was A.J. Ava Brown that made Lions fans pop that cyanide capsule.
Eagles, 38. Browns, 35.
Down in Miami, where the Patriots lost the battle of Bunker Hill as Tyreek caught bombs from World War II. Mac Prescott Jones went down to Florida and got his ass kicked like it was spring break.

Kendrick Softcore Bourne had a hard time doing hand stuff, unlike his owner Robert Kraft, and Matt Lauer Patricia is going to be locked in his office reviewing film from this offense's woeful performance. Let's go down to the field with head coach Mike McDaniel for his first win in the NFL.

Thanks, Mike.

Dolphins 20, Patriots 7. What? What? Up to the Meadowlands wearing a touching tribute to my good friend Queen Elizabeth.
The Ravens put their queen in the box, daring the Jets to throw. Rashad Patrick Bateman money-lawned Lamar Jackson's soiled pants and caught a touchdown from his quarterback.

As Lamar Samuel L. Jackson once famously said,

I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane.

And speaking of planes, Marky Mark Andrews was able to take down the Jets'

defensive attack with 52 yards receiving.

Braxton Leather Berrios left a bad taste in everyone's mouth

because the Jets are ass again. Ravens 24, Jets 9.
Down to the Queen City. Now watch me pit.
Now watch me nay-jay. But with three missed tack kicks, the stanky legs belonged to the Steelers and the Bengals.
It looked like a Lady Vols game out there with the orange uniforms and missing pats. Devin George W.
Bush was a weapon of past destruction as we did it, Joe. Burrow was biding his time in the pocket.
Chris Oswell to Boswell kicked the game winner in overtime. And the Steelers take down the defending AFC champs.
The Steelers, 23. The Bengals, 20.
Next door to the other Queen City, again, my personal friend Queen Elizabeth passed away. This week, at the ripe age of 96, I miss Lizzie so much.
She was at the catch with me, the Schwam. In a touching tribute to their suspended teammate, the Browns forced the chub against the rule.
Laker Mayfield couldn't find the magic as the bad blood was confirmed positive in game week press conferences and the Browns had full-blown cades. York, that is, as the kicker nailed a 58-yarder for the win.
Browns 26, Panthers 24. In Raujohn on Maryland, the Jaguars drafted Trevor Lawrence too damn high.

The Jags were pinned deep, but Travis ATM was money.

However, after all the wealth was spread around, momentum swung to the commies.

Carson Wentzboro Baptist Church said,

God hates Jags.

As he went through the passing of the Christ to Antonio Mel Gibson and the Washington Commanders are in the wing column, 28-22. Out in the NFC Westminster Abbey where the King's buried, if you want to see the Queen, you're going to have to look up to the Skymore.
And Juju Smith-Schuster was coughing the ball up, but if you're looking for pallbearers, you might want to get six Cardinals because they're sure to let you down. Greg Dorch.
Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Went Dorch-derth in a losing effort as the Chiefs defense had Kyler Murray with no aim assist in the gulag, running around with no plates. Learn from the lost failures.
Failure's a proper teacher. Chiefs 44, Cardinals 21.
What? What? Sounds good. Up to the NFC North, where Aaron Rodgers was missing a little LSD.
Lazard, Scantling, and Devante, that is. Justin Jefferson and Kirk Cuzzin were flying around as the Zin-a-soda Vikes-ins were saying Skoll all Sunday, and Packer fans were Copenhaging about their team's lack of buzz.
Probably wish Rodgers didn't ditch that long cut boom. Great point, Deej.
It's a new era in town, as the Kevin O'Connell era starts with a dub. Vikings 23, Packers 7.
Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston down in Nola. Such a fine sight to see.
Dirty birds, my lord, up on the scoreboard. And Jameis throwing two like tea.
He's on a heater. That's my leader.
He cut the lead in half. He's the original crab feeder.
Spoiler alert, boom. The Saints go marching 27-26.
And that was Fastest Two Minutes back.

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That was week one.

That was fucking awesome.

I'm so glad that football's back.

Listen, we just watched an absolute stinker on Sunday night.

I'm so glad that football's back. Listen, we just watched an absolute stinker on Sunday Night Football, and we'll start with that game, but let's not let it ruin how sick that witching hour was and how awesome watching all those games.
There was a moment there. We had two games that we thought were going to go to a tie, and there was like four different plays that were all swung the entire how the game was going to be played out all at the same time and we all were just like we're losing our minds we're back i need a couple weeks i think to get readjusted to watching that type of football because when every game was being switched back and forth back and forth back and forth everywhere and all these tvs I was struggling to process all the data at once.
My brain needs to get back into the reps. I've obviously been out of the game for, what, like seven months now, however long it's been since the Super Bowl.
My brain struggled to keep up at times out there, but I loved it. I love the rush.
I miss it so much. And yeah, the night game stunk.
But as far as Cowboys losses go, you can have boring Cowboys losses, or you can have Cowboys losses that end in a hilarious injury when then Jerry Jones gets on the microphone. And I don't think that HIPAA exists for Jerry Jones.
Like, he can just say whatever, right? He can be like, yeah, we're going to have to cut it off. Dak's contract signing hand is fucked.
It's like, it's the best because you if you're a beat writer for the cowboys you never have to be like oh i gotta work sources i just have to show up to jerry jones press conference he immediately said like every other team like tj watt comes off the field says you can read his lips saying i think i tore my pec yeah we still don't have an uh an absolute like he hasn't done the mri yet so we're still like oh maybe leaving the hope for the fans yeah jerry i don't even think the game was over and he was just basically in front of a camera being like yep dac broke his hand out for a few weeks sucks for us and now the cowboys i i mean mike mccarthy's gone officially gone i don't know what he was doing punting. That was just classic Mike McCarthy.
He read, no one has ever done a better job at, like, pretending there's something, like, completely different than what they actually are when he went to the interview with Jerry Jones being like, I know analytics, I'm new age now. And then you flash forward and Mike McCarthy's down two possessions punting with, like, six minutes left.
There's phoning it in and then there's whatever Mike McCarthy's doing. And maybe he's caught in a situation where, like we were talking about Coach O last week, where Coach O was so happy to get the buyout and get out of town.
Like McCarthy, I think he's been trying to get fired for a while now. And he's doing everything that you would do if you were a coach trying to get fired.
Knowing that Jerry Jones is just going to hire Sean Pay payton probably already has a handshake deal needs a couple seasons to let that cool off because i bet you jerry jones thought about just like firing mike mccarthy two weeks after he hired him yeah after he like hung out with him enough and got his vibe he's like this was a mistake i want to fire him mike mccarthy definitely like uh spilled something on one of jerry jones's couches probably farted in an in Like, you know, one of those, Mike McCarthy, Jerry Jones went out to get like, hey, coach, do you want me to get you a drink? He gets up to go to like the refrigerator or something. And then he comes back.
He's like, did you fart? And Mike McCarthy's like, no, I think that's your dog. It's like, Jerry's like, I haven't had a dog in 10 years, Mike.
It could be something as simple as just Mike McCarthy sneezes in a meeting and a booger comes out a little bit. Or he farts when he sneezes.
And then Jerry just looks at him like, this is my guy? Yeah. The booger sneeze guy? I hired this guy? He's got a mustard stain on his shirt.
I also think Mike McCarthy, I know what you're doing, Mike McCarthy. The jacket that you have that you're pulling up over your neck that keeps getting higher and higher, I know what you're doing.
It's not working. I still think you're fat and dumb.
So I always laugh when they send the doctor out onto the field for the Dallas Cowboys because he's a guy wearing the hat. And everyone always is like, oh, I can't believe the doctor's wearing a cowboy hat.
I don't have a problem with a doctor wearing a cowboy hat. In fact, I actually stay woke.
I think that it's Jerry Jones, and he might have a bug inside that hat. That's how he gets the injury information so quickly.
You remember when Homer Simpson wore the surveillance cowboy hat? Yes. That's what he's doing with the doctor.
I don't have a problem with the cowboy hat. I just wish it was bigger.
If I'm going to be trusting myself to a cowboy doctor, I don't want him to be wearing a tiny little half-assed cowboy hat. I want it to be 10 gallons.
Well, needs to he needs to match the hat with the like level of player if dak gets injured you need to come out with the biggest hat you've ever seen yeah if it's like a special teamer you come out with like a tiny little like maybe even like a miniature cowboy hat it's like you don't deserve the big cowboy that's it or so then the fans can be like oh big time player big cowboy hat or like based on the extent of the injury how serious it is that he takes off the small hat puts the big one this is the surgical hat i'm putting on right now that way jerry immediately knows how bad the injury is so he can leak it to the press yes so the cowboys stunk like they stunk pretty bad i i actually didn't think the bucks were like incredible if the bucks I don't know what they're doing, but it felt like every single one of their skill position players got hurt at some point during the game. Julio Jones got hurt for a minute.
Mike Evans got hurt. Chris Goblin, which I can't even believe he's back already, he got hurt for a minute.
Leonard Fournette got hurt. Their offensive line.
Their offensive line. Everybody except for their 45-year-old quarterback got hurt.
Yes, it feels like the Bucs are going to be a really good team this year if they can just not have everyone get hurt every single game. But I didn't walk away.
That wasn't like, wow, the Bucs look like their upper echelon. And of course, it's Tom Brady, so they'll probably play themselves into it.
It was more, damn, the Cowboys suck. I actually thought Leonard Fournette looked better than I thought he was.
Oh, yeah. So Leonard Fournette pulled a fast one on us this offseason by getting all the buzz going about how fat he is.
Great move on his part because he might be fat right now. He might be heavier than he was last year.
But based on what my expectation was going to be, I was expecting like 320-pound Leonard Fournette to show up and be like throwing up Chinese food on every kid. Yes.
The fact that he's putting his shoulder down and getting first downs without injuring his hamstring is like, wow, this guy's all pro. Yeah, he seems fine.
I'm now looking at this schedule because I want the Cowboys. This is the only thing.
Here's what we have to be ready for. The Cowboys are going to suck this year because Cooper Rush is going to play, and we had the Cooper Rush game against the Vikings but Cooper Rush is going to play Dak is going to be out for let's call it let's call it a month and a half so their season is going to be over by the time Dak comes back.
The one thing we can't have happen is they do a full tank season and then they get like Bryce Young. Well I don't think they're going to do that.
I think they will. Dak sucks..
Because of Dax's contract. Actually, we can laugh about Dax's injury because it's an objectively funny injury.
He hurt his thumb, and so it's not like his career is in jeopardy at this point. Right.
And the Cowboys are just going to have to build all the pieces around him and wait for him to return, and he's still going to be their quarterback. Right.
I think Jerry Jones has certain guys that he loves. He loves Ezekiel Elliott.
He loves anyone that plays for the University of Arkansas, and he loves Dak Prescott. I just, yeah, Ezekiel Elliott, by the way, just wearing a visor.
I think it was just the, like, I don't even want to be here, so I want to, like, be in a different dimension visor. No.
He can't see anything. He looked like a car.

Yeah.

He actually looked like his body looked like an automobile.

Yes.

And then we also, we have to mention Chris Collinsworth.

Dude, take a day off.

That was horrendous.

Yeah.

That made the bad game worse.

I was thinking that maybe he was pissed off watching the Florida game yesterday.

He was like yelling at his TV.

That's the only thing that I can think of.

But he sounded like Dak Prescott looked.

Yes.

He sounded like I feel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Jake, go ahead.

I'll be back. yesterday he was like yelling at his tv that's the only thing that i can think of it was but it sounded he sounded like dac prescott looked yes he sounded like i feel yeah yeah uh jake what go ahead billy speaking of voices tom brady was doing an interview after the game and his voice sounded super high which would be evidence of a nose job like pft's been saying yeah it's called hypo nasa hypo nasality and it's you know after nose jobs turns out you have a high-pitched voice well.
Well, I mean, yeah. It's very obvious that he got something done.
His nose is so skinny right now. And Giselle tweeted, let's go Tom Brady.
So that's case closed. Definitely.
Not getting divorced. That actually, the fact that your spouse is adding you on Twitter tells me actually it's worse than we thought.
Like, that's not normal behavior. I went back through her timeline a little bit, not being horny, just looking at the Instagram post that she's put up in the past.
She's never once wished Tom Brady, hey, at Tom Brady, hey, at my husband, good luck today. Seems like she's overcompensating a little bit.
She tweeted something and you started going on her Instagram? Yeah. Well, because all her tweets look back to her Instagram.
They link back to it. It would be funny if it was just Bonner.
I do want to say, yeah, I was actually thinking, like, it might be Tom Brady's social people, like, talking to themselves. Being like, hey, Tom, I love you.
And he just sits back, nice job. Yep, did it.
But if Giselle does want to talk about it, like, you know. Put it all the way on the list.
Jake. Offer extended.
Can we, I mean, Chrisris collins has got to sit out you can't do that so this is the only week that he has to do two days two games in a week because that's a two a day something happened in between it wasn't yeah that wasn't two a day it was weird i don't know what happened i mean his son is literally right there well it's a different role yeah but i mean they sound the same he's already yeah just put a son in there. They do sound the same.
I don't know. I actually think that you could do a pretty good job calling a game with a Chris Collinsworth soundboard.
Yeah, easily. He would just be like, here's the guy, Al, and Mike would be like, that's not my name.
Yeah, right. All right, Al, have another steak.
And it was such a snoozer, no one would even notice. Mike Tirico could have just done the game by himself.
Yeah. He easily could have he's yeah he's consummate pro okay so let's just set aside dax injury let's should have mike that's tom brady and had him just practice yeah that'd be good yeah that'd be wonderful that's what i'm sure when no one's watching yeah yeah is that true i used to do youtube games in college fuck yeah i would record on my phone next level mental reps like russell wilson hurt more russell wilson doing reps where he's doing the fake high fives High fives, yeah.
He high-fived you at training camp. Kind of.
Or he smacked your butt. Yeah, I actually should sue him.
So I was thinking about what happened here with the Cowboys today, and let's just set aside the fact that Dak Prescott got injured. Why the fuck do they shove Dallas down our face every year? Because's it makes no sense no it makes perfect I don't even think that they're relevant I think that most people just like to watch them lose I don't think that they have a big fan base no it has nothing to do with that it's the fact that we're not we're not the people why Dallas is on we watch football no matter who is that person it's the it's the people who are like should should I watch a game tonight? I don't know.
Oh, the Cowboys? They were good 30 years ago. I'm going to tune it in.
That's all it is. It's old people.
I don't think the youths care about the Dallas Cowboys. They're like the Clintons.
They were big in the 90s and they make me want to kill myself. Well, yeah, they would kill you.
That's what I'm saying. Everybody around them wants to sue you.
No, they, it makes perfect sense, though. If there was like 100, if you're trying to get 100 people to watch, like, let's say a game's on, right, and 100 people are going to watch.
120 are going to watch because of the Cowboys. 80 are going to, like, you're going to lose, or you'll get exactly 100 if the Jaguars are on.
You'll always get 20 more people. So you'll always get 20 more people when the Cowboys are playing.
Yes, Cowboys, yes, or the Giants. Exactly 20 more people.
No, I'm just saying round numbers. The Giants? Yeah, the Giants.
The Giants are in the same boat for me. They're in New York.
It's not news why the first take will always lead with the Cowboys, the Lakers, LeBron. It's just one-on-one.
The Lakers make more sense. It's just that, and I would agree with you to a certain point, like five, ten years ago with the Cowboys, but at this point, I don't know who out there is still clamoring for more Cowboys.
It's not that people are clamoring for it. It's just that the people who aren't going to watch are going to watch because the Cowboys are on.
It's a name. It's a brand recognition that they're like, oh, the Cowboys are on.
I don't know. I'm going to watch.
I don't know. I say it always does.
They always, the Cowboys, the Giants, the Packers actually do big numbers. I understand the concept of needle moving teams.
I just think that the Cowboys might be reaching the point where they're not a needle-moving team anymore. I mean, they were pretty good last year.
They played in fun games, so I don't know. I think you're just thinking of this game.
This game sucked. This game sucked, and most Cowboys games do suck.
Yeah, this game was terrible. But Ezekiel Elliott looks cool.
Yeah, he does. He looks very cool.
And Skip, by the way, just literally jumped on the bandwagon he took off a dac jersey and put on a brady jersey oh wow oh man that's gross when you've lost skip bayless no the first take and skip show are gonna just do like an hour of dac talk it's called undisputed undisputed yeah and shannon sharps on it um yeah i'm sure they're gonna debate dac like for an hour half. Boom, show gets made.
If I were him, I don't believe that he's actually getting rid of that jersey for free. No.
I think Skip's going to cut it because if he was serious about it, he would have put it in his penis microwave. Yeah, or the trash where he then pulls it out three weeks later.
I think we haven't seen the last Skip in a Cowboys uniform. No, he will be back.
All right, let's get into the games. Let's hop right in.
We should have said this off the top. Jake, PFT, Max, welcome to the 1-0 club.
Feels good. Congratulations.
Feels good to be a winner, guys. I love winning with y'all.
Welcome to the 1-0 club. Billy, you kind of ruined it because it would have been awesome if it was just Hank.
But let's start with that game. Dolphins 20, Patriots 7.
The Mike McDaniel era starts with a very impressive win. It also starts with Tyreek Hill saying McDaniel's going to need a wheelbarrow for his nuts to carry them around.
He was talking about, which was kind of the deciding factor of the game. Bill Belichick at the end of the second quarter deciding not to use any of his timeouts to try to get the ball back.
Mike McDaniel's being like, fuck it. We're going to go for this fourth and seven scores a touchdown.
You got grown men waddling in the, uh, in the stadium and the Patriots. I mean, go ahead, Hank.
Look,. Look, I've put some thought into this the last couple days and even kind of last year, but it's just, you know, when the show started, whatever it was, seven years ago, and for the last five years, even last year a little bit, little bit, you know, kind of forced, but we did beat the Bills in the cold game.

We did have, you know, a lead in the AFC East later in the season.

But I think I'm just ready to fully admit that the Patriots

are not the Patriots anymore.

They're not the Patriots that I grew up since I was nine years old, you know,

loving and rooting for the Tom Brady, Bill Belichick Patriots,

who basically were, they were the Bills, are this year. They're perennial Super Bowl favorites.
Every single game you expect them to win, if they lose anywhere, even if they lose in the AFC Championship, that's a loss season. That's the Bills this year.
They don't win the Super Bowl, it's a loss. Wow, I like what you're doing right now.
You're just smart. You're putting this like, if the Bills don't win the Super Bowl, you're like there are no Patriots.
I'm talking about the Patriots. You're retroactively comparing the old Patriots already to the Bills.
I like it. I think it's smart.
No, but I'm just talking about how it would feel when the Patriots would lose. It would be a regular season loss.
It would be devastating. And now, realistically, it's like – and they still should have beat the Dolphins.
It's a rookie head coach against Belichick. That's a tough loss.
But I just don't have, like, whereas before, if the Patriots didn't win the championship, I was devastated. Now it's like if the Patriots make the playoffs, that's a winning season.
Yeah. And, you know, every Sunday it's like when it is.
But I've just, like, I've come down to earth. You're back with the normal people.
I'm fully ready to admit that the Patriots, like, I'm not going to be cocky. You woke up from the dream.
Yes. You basically woke up.
Because watching the game today, hearing you and the way you were talking, I could tell there was a tone change. You were like, this team is not good.
No. They reminded me at times of, like, a Big Ten West offense where it felt like every single yard was hard to get.
Like every first down was hard to get. Every drive was like, you know, every play just felt difficult.
And they don't have a dominant defense. That could have been.
Mike McDaniel was, he called every single play. He was doing it all.
He was calling like the craziest misdirection, screen plays, cross plays I've never even seen before. He realized that it might be a smart idea to just get the ball into the fastest player in the history of the earth.
Get the ball into his hands a few times a game. They're scheming him open, and obviously the Patriots are trying to stop him.
But, Hank, you're right that it seemed like when the Patriots had the ball, or maybe you might have just said this, but the first downs that they were getting, which were few and far between, seemed like they were scratching and clawing to get every single yard. There were so many seven-yard completions that were to the far side of the field where Mack puts his entire body into it.
You make a diving catch, and it's the hardest seven yards you've ever gotten. Nothing seemed easy for the patriots and it's it's very nice to see hank get humbled like this it really is and i think you're taking it pretty well i'm sure you'll lash out eventually about all this but no it's that's the thing where people i think want to get mad and be like oh the patriots it's like i like that you're yeah they're not that good anymore we won three well we won three sober bowls when i was a My middle age, high school, and beginning of college years were tough.
We had two Super Bowl losses. And then we won three Super Bowls right when I started working at Barstool.
They were unbelievable times. I'll never forget them.
But those days are over. And I've accepted that.
You're accepting it, which is nice. I'm looking forward to you becoming a loser just like us, though.
It's to be great like scratching and clawing your way to seven and ten man but ice with all this said Belichick still like I I don't think that they didn't look very good but I'm not gonna I'm trying to not overreact to everything week one except the Packers are completely dead I I'm trying to like have a little bit of big picture so I'm sure the Patriots will look good next week, but this one was a little shocking just with how tough it looked for them to get yards. Also, that kind of plays into the whole...
It is true, they had one of the best offensive-minded... Jules was talking about it.
Josh McDaniels is one of the best offensive minds in the entire league. He's obviously coaching with the Raiders now.
And it's not all Belichick. Everyone gives all the credit to Belichick.
But I think it's obviously proven over the years. No more Brady.
No more McDaniels. It's not just Belichick.
And when you lose one of the best offensive-minded coaches in the league, your offense isn't going to look as good. It's not like rocket science, I guess.
I think I think Tricia would not. What if this is actually the cheat? If it was rocket science, they'd probably be better.
This is the best part of what Belichick has done. You can just basically say everything that he does is genius and calculated.
What if he was like Matt Patricia, offensive coordinator? He's going to be so bad. He will be the perfect fall guy.
Everyone everyone would be like look at this dumb idiot who's trying to coach like do plays bill belichick is just trying to set his guys up how could you blame him for being loyal well that's why i mean joe judge it's like you don't even know who's calling the plays yeah exactly i think it's like one level past what big cat said which is he's giving it he's putting all the attention on matt patricia and Joe Judge, and you don't know even which one of those two guys is fucking everything up. It's like one of them is.
It's genius. So it's Belichick.
Patriots might be back. It's Belichick taking all the blame and responsibility and getting rid of it himself while also not throwing one single guy under the bus because it's still up in the air.
It's like, you know how in a firing squad you give one guy the blank so they don't know that they're the ones he's probably got them both calling plays and they don't know which one is actually the one that's being used as the offense and that's why mac jones is struggling now yeah this is the big question is mac jones the guy he's that's he hurt his back he got uh he got x-rays on it oh really because that's the that's the part that you have to ask yourself. Because it's not like – I still think if Belichick wants to keep coaching, he could coach for another decade and probably win a ton of football games.
But if you don't have the quarterback, if he's not the quarterback, when are you going to start asking yourself that? I think he's the guy. I think it's his second year.
Okay. Tom Brady's second year.
I mean, I had – we're going to talk about the Bears, but there was moments in the first half of that game where I was like, but it was on the back of one of the best defenses of all time. Yeah, right.
Tom Brady wasn't the guy in 2001. Now, Hank, I got a tough question for you.
Hypothetically, what would you do if Belichick left and coached somewhere else? I'd be destroyed.

That'd be a real shame.

Why would you even say that?

No, I'm just curious.

Nebraska?

No, I'm curious.

Well, yeah, the job's open right now.

Listen, again, this is where it's like you guys, haters,

always trying to make me feel bad. I don't think I'm a hater.

That was a real question.

This is a real question that, again, you haven't had to go through,

but going through the process of is the current quarterback the guy? That's a hard thing to do as a fan that most fans of NFL teams have had to do many times over. Unfortunately, many, many times over.
Yeah, I think you've got to give it time. Again, it's only a second year.
But I also think it's a lot less stress-free when your team isn't that good. Again, I bring up the Bills analogy, and I'm not doing that to troll.
I'm really not. The Bills are the Super Bowl favorites, and there's so much pressure on them.
So much pressure. Every single game, if they lose, the world is falling.
And if they don't win the Super Bowl, it's a humongous failure. That's a lot of pressure.
Week one, and then

you have to watch that the entire season.

It's not fun. It's very unnerving.

It's like that new Nick Cage movie. Was it

the enormous weight of incredible talent?

Heavy is the head that wears the crown is what

Hank's getting at. And that's where it's like the bills.

It's Super Bowl or bust.

It's a lot. Hank,

is

your quarterback the guy

is a conversation that I have in my

head every single day.

See you're good. Then you're good.
And you know what we're getting at here? I just realized what we've done. We just buried the Patriots week one.
No, that's what I'm saying. I'm not trying to overreact.
Well, we kind of did. And I'm standing by our overreaction because I do think that they stink.
No, I think they're going to win next week. I'm actually going to take them against the Steelers.
But then what's going to happen is, like, I'm terrified now that the Patriots are going to go on, like, a serious run later this season. And then Hank's going to be like, suck my dick, you guys.
No, no. And he's going to forget all the humility and lessons learned.
And Hank's going to do another victory lap and do a little parade, stick his chest out like he's dotting the I. I did that last year, and after the playoff game against the Bills, I was like, all right.
I'm not burying that. It's over.
I was just asking you that question because I'm thinking about how often. The Bills are the best team in the AFC.
Yeah. i was just thinking how often i have that conversation with like friends and everyone like is this person the guy and it sucks because then you're just constantly like memes is just nodding his head behind me like because he's just like yeah the jets every two years likewise yeah um jake do you have any comment about the about the dolphins because i would like to see you i put your sportsmanship The Dolphins looked awesome.
Yeah, the first half, I've never felt that before. Good coaching decisions, good quarterback play, explosive plays, great defense.
They had the scoop and score. It was literally a perfect 30 minutes of football.
I've never experienced that in my life. We blew that one with Melvin Ingram, not mentioning that he was on the Dolphins.
That took me by surprise. Yes.
Also, do you have the stat? The stat, only quarterbacks to be undefeated against Bill Belichick. Oh, 3-0, yeah.
Can you name the three? I saw the stat. Oh, you saw it.
So John Elway's 4-0. Our guy Jake Plummer's 3-0.
Imagine if I just whipped that out. Yeah, that would be sick.
And Tua's 4-0 against Bill Belichick. Tua's 4-0.
Yeah, jake john elway jake plumber two uh are the only three quarterbacks multiple wins and be undefeated i think would be the exact yeah because what about nick foals uh he's got to be uh no didn't they lose that season or no i can't remember he might be two and oh yeah he might be i don't know if they played other seasons um But the Dolphins look awesome. I have to bring that up.
I'm sorry. Jake, the Dolphins look very good.
Nothing really went wrong. This is a make or break year for Tua.
If Tua doesn't have a good year, I'm asking myself that question you guys were talking about earlier. He's probably not the guy.
Tua would like to address the fact that that there was one clip going around about a ball that fell like 20 yards short, and that was a tip pass. Okay.
So just want to have that record show. What would you guys have said if Mike McDaniel wore Supreme Air Force Ones and then got smoked? Wait, did he get smoked? No, I'm saying it's a swaggy move.
No, I respect the move, but I think it's one of those things where it's, again, Tyree Kale's right, huge balls. I like Mike McDaniel.
If you lose that game wearing those shoes, it's like, what are you doing? I think having somebody that's that different like Mike McDaniel is, I think that's really good. I think it's awesome to have different characters in the sport.
That's where we get 99% of our content is out of these different types of personalities that we have across the league if you're just like a carbon clone of somebody if you're trying to do like the bill belichick disciple thing where they try to be bill belichick somewhere that's not going to work you have to be yourself i think mcdaniel's being himself i don't know if it's going to work long term but it looked awesome today the jewels was saying and like you can be the fun happy guy that's like got a funny answer to everything but if your team starts losing or hard times come about like how do you respond to that and you don't we don't know but off to a great start for mike mcdaniel dolphins i in terms of like impressive performances they're up there for week one like i was i was definitely impressed with how they played my one word that i wrote down at the top and i underlined was roughshod. They ran roughshod.
I've never used that expression before, but it seemed like it felt good in the moment. And Hank was like, what does roughshod mean? I was like, you got your shit pushed in.
That's basically what it means. Yeah, two was 23 for 33, 270 in one TD, and that one pass was a deflected pass.
So just want to put it up. It's not like OMG numbers.
No, but he didn't make the big error that we all thought was coming. We all thought the game was going to basically turn on a big two mistake, and it never came.
So he played a clean game. Yeah.
All right. Next up, Steelers-Bengals.
Steelers 23, Bengals 20. Zach Taylor now in the list of guys who didn't play any of his offensive players, any snaps in the preseason.
And it showed. Their new offensive line, like the first half, the Bengals came out, and it looked like they had not done anything together ever.
Like they hadn't hung out together, anything. Joe Burrow had a very bad game, I would say.
What if his appendix was the part of his body that was making all the good decisions that would suck for him yeah but i did think like i i joe burrow makes sense because he was he probably lost some weight he had surgery he missed preseason for a reason the rest of the team there's less of an excuse and even with all that joe burrow still kind of won the game yeah like they the bangles kind of won that game it was it was a tough ending where they blocked that extra point or was it just a miss it was a blocked extra point at the end and then it was a bad snap on evan mcpherson's overtime field that's right and then the steelers also doinked one in overtime and so all right so one thing as a side so our guy stat whole sports who now works forstool Sports, part-time blogger, but very funny. Go follow him on Twitter.
He said that there was 10 fourth quarter missed kicks or extra points today. And I think that the kickers are just, if the kickers fuck up, we just have fun Sundays.
They are the canary in the coal mine for great Sundays. Kickers fucking up, especially when it's Bengals kickers.
Evan McPherson did this. Remember that game last year? Against the Packers.
Against the Packers. That might have been the most fun NFL Sunday of the regular season last year.
There was 12 that Sunday. And we all sync up, us kickers, like sorority houses on their periods, and we all fuck up at the same time.
It has something to do with the moon, I'm sure about it. But yes, that does translate to a much more chaotic, especially when overtimes are involved.
You get ties, and sometimes what's more exciting than ties is near ties. Yeah.
Ties where people snatch a victory from the jaws of a tie. You're a breath away.
And this game should have been tied. Yep.
And Zach Taylor made made an egregious error where he was playing for the tie punting and he left 15 seconds his punter left 15 seconds on the play clock i don't know that that is a coaching thing so zach taylor explained that away i'm glad you brought that up um no no he intentionally snapped it with 15 seconds left he goes it's a new operation uh we snapped seconds. I understand that.
Trust me, we'd rather do something different, but just trying to make sure the operation ran smoothly. It turned out that we sacrificed some seconds just to make sure that we were all on the same page there.
So it was a completely intentional snapping to make sure the operation went well. It was just a prank.
It was because the operation needed to be on the same page, which is why they snapped it. And the 13 seconds ended up being very crucial as the Steelers needed it to win the game, and they did.
And the Steelers, I actually feel bad for Steelers fans, even though Jersey Jerry, our friend who we watch all the games with, wished that my quarterback dies. But Steelers fans, there can't be a worse feeling than winning week one against your rival and then having your best player be out for the season most likely yeah and that sucks your second best player taking the torch from Big Ben and walking out in a walking boot yeah so that's the that's the story TJ Watt possibly out for the season look like he tore a pack and like that is he was a complete menace the the steelers well they have seven sacks he was a monster seven sacks and they force five turnovers it was insane like their defense was everywhere and you have i mean he's probably if he's not the best defensive player in the league he's he's second behind aaron donald and he's the most important guy they have yeah i i also thought that thought that Mitch was better than Big Ben was last year, which is really all you can say.
Yeah, and that's the scary part about the T.J. Watt injury.
The Steelers scored 23 points, but their offense was not very good. I think they won the game with 13 first downs in an overtime game.
That's tough. Their running game is stink.
Their running game continues to be stink. Pretty bad stink.
Their offense did not look like it was... They had a couple nice screen passes.
I respect what Mike Tomlin did on their very first drive when he challenged. Because he was just like, get these things out of my pocket.
I'm so bad. He lost the challenge four minutes into the season.
Which is great because you don't have to have that weight hanging hanging around later i actually think if you look up the stats it's probably between like lovey smith and mike tomlin for being the worst challengers of all time yes yes um also i have a fun staff for you in 1986 1986 hank hank that was yours you you incepted me with that one 1986 challenger yeah too soon uh? Yeah. Too soon.
Mitch is 4-0 against the AFC North. Okay.
As a starter. Let's go, Mitch.
Let's remind ourselves of that because he plays in the AFC North now. All Mitch has to do is just keep the Kenny Pickett questions away for another week.
For a minute. That's all he has to hope for because obviously they're going to go to Kenny at some point.
But if they win football games, it's going to be of those situations where it's like well we won so i guess we're staying with mitch and and the bengals are going to be fine like that was like you said they won that game and they actually it was crazy watching it being like these are the same bengals where they're just the horseshoe up their ass is going to continue because they should have won it in regulation if it wasn't for a blocked extra point. So I'm not really worried about the Bengals.

But preseason might matter.

Like, Jules, I've now started taking mental notes.

Jules is right. Like, you go to Aaron Rodgers, you go to Russell Wilson tonight

didn't take any preseason snaps.

Like, be careful.

The Rams didn't.

So, yeah, preseason matters.

It clearly was like the Bengals, they didn't basically show up

until the second half.

And it was a little too late you're talking first quarter yeah no you're talking me in right now to betting on the Seahawks because I think Seahawks first quarter so mr. I'm anointed as the writer of this team haven't played a snap I'm the captain versus iron sharpens iron with drew lock and Gino Smith going head-to-head with each other like a couple bull elephants.
Like the Rams, the Bengals, and the Packers offense all looked abysmal. I mean, the Bengals kind of picked it up towards the end.
Seahawks first quarter. But they looked abysmal for the first half.
Don't ask me because I'm the worst gambler on planet Earth. I'm doing it.
I'm as cold as possible. I couldn't be colder, but Seahawks first half game of my lifetime.
It's going to be like DK going up against three, four people at the same time, which he's used to. Yep.
And then it's going to be Drew Locke begging and pleading to not get sacked. Yeah.
Elijah Penny probably getting injured by the third quarter. Yep.
But still, that first quarter looks pretty juicy to me right now. Jake just gave me the look like when you would swear around your parents when you were like 12 years old.
What? They're like, come on, are you serious? When I said Seahawks first quarter game in my lifetime, he's like, come on. You can do quarter of the year.
It's the quarter of my lifetime. Yeah.
No, that will be the quarter of my lifetime. So, Geno Smith.
I'm pulling for you. Let's do it.
He played in preseason. He was in a QB battle.
He had to play in preseason. That's what I'm saying.
It's survival of the fittest, and so he's going to wear it. His scars will make him stronger.
Yes. All right.
So, yeah, Zach Taylor. He's going to get punched in the face by a teammate before then.
well he's just got to pay his debts yeah uh zach taylor tough game stealer like both teams lost because steelers lost tj watt in a way both teams won though also yes yes both teams should have been a fucking tie it should have been this is stupid i'm counting this as a tie zach taylor robbed us can you make sure that as the season progresses like i'm counting this i'm going to count as a win for the steelers but it should be at least a tie for the bang sure that as the season progresses, like I'm counting this, I'm going to count it as a win for the Steelers, but it should be at least a tie for the Bengals. Correct.
As the season goes on. Yes.
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Commanders 28, Jaguars 22. The Carson Wentz roller coaster.
Oh, my God. I wasn't ready for it.
We watched you on it. I wasn't ready for it.
I fucking hated the guy. I loved him.
I hated him again. I hated myself for loving him.
I loved myself for hating him. It was everything that I've seen other people experience Carsonon wentz um through that like i've i've seen it through their eyes before but feeling it yourself is a different animal he uh it was so perfect it was such a perfect carson wentz game i went through the plate the play sheet he started the game seven for or sorry 11 for 16 with two touchdowns awesome awesome then the next.
Then the next drives went in order. Punt, fumble.
That wasn't his fumble. Punt, punt, interception, interception.
And then he finished with two huge touchdown drives. It was essentially all of Carson Wentz smashing into one game.
So I think the ultimate Carson Wentz experience is he is electric and fun to root for because he has to dig himself out of the holes that he creates for himself so frequently. Yeah.
And he does have the ability to get you in some pretty fucking deep holes, and he's also got the rope necessary to get out of those holes occasionally. He's like a terrible Chinese knockoff Brett Favre.
That's that's one way to put it yeah i was also going to say like a chilean minor yep um where you just stuck down there in your own shit for a long time and then occasionally you get dragged out and then jaron revell is like wow look how much they're paying him yeah look at those oakley's yeah exactly so so carson went not only did he throw two interceptions he threw two interceptions on back-to-back plays yep at that point, I was like, okay, we're absolutely done here. I did forget it was 73 degrees.
73 degrees, as Stat Hole Sports told us, that is Carson Wentz' best temperature. He's the best quarterback in the history of sports, playing in exactly 73-degree weather, which is what it was like in Raujon today.
And yeah, he got us out of it. The passes to Jahan Dotson wereon were awesome and johan dotson is i would put a future on him to get rookie of the year your wide receivers are awesome really good we got three very good awesome receivers with mclaurin john dotson and then curtis samuel who's the rare guy that like gets brought over by a former coach of his brings him with him to town and then spends the first year and a half completely injured.
But your coach is like, no, trust me. When this guy is healthy, he'll be good.
Now he's healthy, and he's fucking amazing. And Antonio Gibson, I guess, remember how to hold on to the football now? Yeah.
So he's good. And I just found out we're going to get Brian Robinson back from being shot twice in the leg in week five.
So everything's hard. Yeah.
He's missing as much time from getting shot twice as Dak Prescott is missing from accidentally high-fiving a Tampa Bay Buccaneer. That's hard.
It is hard. That is like you.
That's hard. I almost said something really stupid.
Okay. All right.
Well, do you want to say it? If the commanders win the Super Bowl, I'll get shot in my leg. Okay, awesome.
I will shoot you.

Yeah.

Okay, perfect. I shouldn't have said that.

I knew I should.

No, you can't veto that.

Jake, you can't veto that.

He just said it.

You can't veto.

You want to get shot?

No, you're not going to win the Super Bowl.

This year.

This year.

It has to be this year.

He's going to have the guns, and you're going to be like,

Jake, you should have done that veto.

No, he's going to win.

Okay, let's talk.

If the Bears win the Super Bowl, I'll also get shot. What caliber? Yeah, we got to talk about this year.
This year. What caliber? Okay, 22? In the leg.
I'm not letting you. In the leg.
0.177. When did you guys get so soft over there? It's crazy.
I don't see. Are you talking about two teams? We're talking about.
If the Patriots win a Super Bowl, I'll get fucking shot. All right, let's go.
Billy, Jets. If Jets win the Super Bowl, I'll get a shot.
And Jake has to do it. Only if Jake does it.
No, because his team might actually win the Super Bowl. Jake, Dolphins win the Super Bowl.
You get shot? No. Okay.
I am soft. All right, so there's no chance.
I know, I know. There's 0% chance that the Commanders or the Bears win the Super Bowl.
And if they do, I would be happy to get shot in the leg. Like the fleshy part of the thigh.
Just this year, though. Only this year.
I'll do my ass. This is a Sopranos episode, and it worked out fine for that guy.
He got all the street cred in the world. I mean, if we're doing all this shit right now, I already have my pinky team, which I shouldn't do.
It's the Cardinals. They're not winning the Super Bowl.

The Cardinals are not winning the Super Bowl. That is my pinky team.

Oh my god.

I mean, BFD fucking...

He got me worked up there.

He got me worked up.

I did kind of one-up the pinky with the ass shot.

No, the Cardinals are my pinky team.

Let's do shot in the ass, because then there's no major injuries.

No, no, no. The shot in the ass makes sense

for the commanders. Big Cat does have his pinky team.
And I also will get shot in the ass if then there's no major injuries. No, no, no.
Shot in the ass makes sense for the commanders.

Big Cat does have his pinky team.

And I also will get shot in the ass if the Bears win the Super Bowl this year.

I'll let Jake shoot me with a bow and arrow.

That sounds actually really dangerous. Wait, super dangerous.

Like a compound bow?

Wait, but then you have to pull it out.

You have to pull it out.

Billy, if the Jets win the Super Bowl, we get to light you on fire.

Come on.

Fireman Ed, he fell down. Deal.
Yeah. All right.
Billy on fire. You're getting lit on fire too.
Okay. It's basically turning into jackass.
No, it's not jackass. It's French.
Yeah. This is actually just a snuff film that's disguised as a sports podcast.
Should I take back my spanky team right now? No. No.
Well, now to be fair, Big Cat, usually in the past, it's week two and a has to be on it. Wait, who do the Cardinals play next week? They play the Raiders.
Raiders next week, and is it double extra point for Activision next weekend? Yeah, so this week there was double XP. Yeah, is it also next week? They usually just drop it randomly.
Okay. What is that? You get more points for playing Warzone that weekend.
Oh, so, okay. Maybe that's just the – you know what? That will be the pinky bowl.
Okay. Whichever team loses is my pinky team.
Yeah, that's good. I like that.
Because they have to be 0-2. Yep.
That's fair. Raiders-Cardinals is the pinky bowl.
The loser of that game is officially my pinky bowl. And I'm rooting for the Cardinals to lose because they're not winning the Super Bowl.
If anyone has a suggestion for a comfortable bullet to get shot in the leg with, please let me know.

.177 pellet gun.

That's a nice one.

I'm up for the shot in the ass if the Bears win the Super Bowl. I'm a big storyline guy.

Pellet gun doesn't count.

No, it's got to be a gun.

Yeah, like I want...

You're doing serious guns.

I want one where if you get caught doing it, you go to jail for attempted murder.

Correct.

This is actually how we can get Billy off the podcast.

Yeah, but Billy would actually try to kill us. That's true.
I'm a big storyline guy. The last two years in the Super Bowl, the team who plays in that stadium played in the Super Bowl.
And where's the Super Bowl? Arizona. I don't give a fuck.
They're not winning the Super Bowl. That team sucks.
Bucks in 2020, Rams in 21. All right.
Well, I'll leave it up to whoever loses that game. It's Raiders or the Cardinals.
That's officially what it is. I think that's fair.
Those are two teams that have been talked about, and they've been talked about in Super Bowl fashion or whatever the fuck you want to call it. All right.
Oh, Jaguars, Commanders. That got sidetracked for a second.
The only other thing I had about this game. I don't think it did.
That's all completely relevant. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I just couldn't remember what game we were on. The only other thing, the Jaguars, I don't think Trevor Lawrence sucks.
I just, there's like four or five times a game where he looks so confused that it looks like he's never played football. So he might not completely suck, but he definitely makes throws that only a quarterback that kind of sucked would make.
He's got flashes where occasionally he'll make an NFL throw, but then he'll underthrow somebody by three yards or four yards. That's wide open, and sometimes he looks a little bit lost out there.
He looks panicked. He'll turn around, and he'll just be panicking, and you're like, hey, dude.
He almost looks like a dog wearing the snow boots where they're like trying to fucking – I don't know. There's something about it.
I do not think he sucks, but I'm worried about the four or five times where I'm like, what is he doing right now? I miss Urban Meyer. I'll just say it.
I miss Urban. I don't think that a kicker would miss a 37-yarder if there was a possibility that he might get kicked by his head coach after.
Or a finger yeah or finger up his wife's butt yeah that's true that always hung out there and the jaguars this is why i always preach making sure that your uh first round draft picks get injured so then you can just delay the first round draft pick nature of it they had three first draft current first round draft picks on the field today with Etienne making his debut. He was awesome.
Yeah, he was. He didn't have great stats, but he looked explosive.
Trayvon Walker made the pick that was sick. He was all over the place.
And then Devin Lloyd, who they also drafted in the first round this year, had like 11 tackles. So this is – if I was running a team, Sam Hinckley kind of did it, but he has to do it all the way where I would just keep drafting and every year I'd make every single first-round draft pick sit out until like six years accumulated them and then have them all play at once.
Yeah. And then they'd be a Super Bowl.
I mean, ATN I think is going to be an electric player this year. I think – one thing I haven't really noticed watching carson wince as my guy about his game is that he is really really top tier in the nfl i mean like elite level at flailing his body when he gets hit a little bit late in the pocket oh yeah like he's got his arms and legs going in every direction possible he'll flip over like 180 degrees onto his side if you just so much as breathe on him and there's some quarterbacks that that are not good at that like Joe Burrow is one where I think Joe Burrow actually he's almost too tough sometimes yeah where when he gets hit late he's still fighting and so he doesn't really do the flail helpless thing so he doesn't get as many flags as other quarterbacks do I think Carson Wentz is going to draw every possible flag on a late hit because you touch him on the side of his helmet, and he's going to act like JFK.
Yeah. It's pretty good what he does.
And it's annoying when he does it. It's funny when Jameis does it.
Yes. And Carson Wentz, winking at the camera, just douche chills down your spine.
That was swag. That was swag.
And I wanted to call the cops. That was swag.
Arrest this man.

No.

He's a pet.

No, you know what?

I saw that.

I go, you know what?

That's him.

That's him.

It was so...

He yeeted that wink.

No, he...

Oh, God.

Everything that Carson Wentz does feels forced,

including his throws into traffic.

Yeah.

Like, he just does...

Everything he does is forced.

Yeah, no.

The wink was...

It was bad. It was so bad.
But I have no choice but to actually say it's great and just ride with it. Yeah, no, I understand what he has to do.
All right. And then he did also, he did like the first down with just two fingers.
It was tough. Oh, man.
America lubricated on that one. Let's just say this.
I understand why everywhere Carson Wentz goes, everyone in the locker room hates him. Yeah.
It makes perfect sense. I mean, I hate him.
I do hate him. I never met him, but I don't like him.
Don't get me wrong. I hate him, but I think I also have to love the fact that I hate him.
You're on the roller coaster. And shout out to LSU.
Their football account retweeted when I tweeted, I fucking hate Carson Wentz after his second consecutive interception. Whoever runs that account, I hope they don't get in trouble.
But for a while, my replies were just filled with people like, what does this have to do with LSU football? Yeah. It has everything to do with LSU football.
Yeah, of course. Carson Wentz transcends any sort of personal brand.
Carson Wentz, everyone should fucking hate Carson Wentz. Yes.
Yeah. He's the one unifying thing in football.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. Speaking of Carson Wentz, his old team eagles 38 lions 35 um we're gonna max you're gonna have to talk a little bit in this uh because i do want to hear from you but this was i don't know what like the lions are the lions just gonna be this team forever because they just started the season and they're the exact same team in that they aren't very good and they just keep fighting.
I guess they still just need to like have a couple more drafts, but I saw the stat. The Lions have won.
The Lions have won. Jake's getting dehydrated over there.
Three out of their last 18 games. They've covered 12 out of 18 of those.
Yeah, so here's the thing. Here's the thing about the Lions.
This Lions team is good enough to lose to any team in the NFL by three points. And I mean any team.
I mean, like, they could lose to the Jaguars by three points. They could lose, on the other hand, to the Eagles or to the Buccaneers or to the Rams or to the Packers or to the Bills by three points.
It would not surprise. I think they could lose on the other hand to the eagles or to the buccaneers right to the rams or to the packers or to the bills by three points it would not surprise i think they would lose they should lose to every team by exactly three points uh no give or take on that one but they are going to be this is a much better version of the lions than we've seen in the past right where they're not ever going to be sad and blown out by somebody i don't think even when they do get blown, they'll score a couple late touchdowns and make it look like less of a blowout than it really was.
But so that's – I think the issue with today was Dan Campbell has to adjust to the fact that maybe his team's a little bit better than last year because the onside kick was a last-year move that they didn't need to do this year. Yeah, the Eagles were kind of doing whatever they wanted on the ground and, like, throwing, you know, A.J.
Brown had, like, 150 yards. But Dan Campbell onside kick in the third quarter when the Lions cut it to a 10-point game, so it was 31-21.
He onside kicked. They didn't get it.
The Eagles scored a touchdown two minutes later, 38- eagles win with 38 points like he and he was asked after he's like yeah we wanted the ball back i get that that makes sense dan campbell but like this isn't you shouldn't treat the lions can't treat every game like they are uh an fcs team trying to win in the big house yeah you know what? I get it. I think that sometimes Dan has these phases that he gets into or moments in time where he's like it's time to gamble if you want to win this game.
And that's not always the smart move to make. They might be better than that.
They might not need the gamble. I think they were going to lose anyway because again it felt like the Eagles were comfortably in control.
He gets these moments that he finds himself in where he's like now's the time where I have to make a winning decision and get aggressive with it but he doesn't understand that that's not necessarily how you actually end up winning yeah he's like he gets to a fork in the road at every game he's like now's the time to be man Campbell yeah well last year they went for it on fourth down respect it now that I'm talking about it. That's an inner gambler of me.
Dan Campbell, I am Dan Campbell. Dan Campbell is me.
Game of the year, week two. But you also, no disrespect, you lost a lot of games this week.
Right, I know. So Dan Campbell lost this game.
No, I know. We're the same guy.
He lost a lot of games too. So maybe he needs to maybe just focus a little bit more on winning activities.
We should just switch roles. Freaky Friday, I'll coach the Lions.
He can just gamble with my money. He also needs to remember that he has statistically the best punter in the history of the NFL on his team.
People don't talk about Jack Fox enough. I think we need to respect Jack Fox.
I actually think I talk about Jack Fox a perfect amount. I don't think we've discussed him one bit.
What I just said. But he has the highest net punting average and gross punting average in the history of the NFL.
For people that qualify with enough punts. So that's all we will ever say about Jack Fox on this program.
Yeah, that was enough Jack Fox. But we respect him.
Yeah. So if anyone ever asks, why don't you talk about Jack Fox? Just point them to September 12th, like, I don't know, 45 minutes into the podcast.
The Jack Fox Appreciation Podcast.

And the moment is over.

Yeah.

So, Max, your Eagles look pretty good.

I have a question about Sirianni.

Okay.

So, Sirianni, after the game, he was, like, whooping it up with the Eagles.

Actually, there's, like, 30 seconds left.

He's whooping it up with the Eagles fans sitting front row.

It was very, like, college football coach, like, we're going to the Rose Bowl feel to it. It's week one against the Lions.
What was up with that? I mean, Sirianni has done, like, a lot of very cringy things since he's gotten here. So it's like I'm not really surprised by anything that he does anymore.
Right. Like, that's just who he is.
It felt like a lot for week one. Well, yeah.

I mean, everything he does is a lot.

And he went to the playoffs last year.

It's not like his first ever win.

Doesn't, yeah.

But like I said, nothing surprised me with him as far as, like,

pandering to the fans because that's just all he does.

Right.

He's just pander, pander, pander.

But he's shown to be a pretty good coach.

So at this point, if he keeps winning games, then I don't really give a fuck about that.

What about the defense? 35 points is a lot of points yeah started off slow came back and i can't stop jared though yeah that's true all right yeah no that's fine you don't even have to say anything because yeah it was jared goff he's fucking awesome he went to a super bowl i think that dan campbell is going to have a problem because he's so emotional of a guy like leading into every single week he's he's got to just wear his heart on his sleeve the entire week. And then when you get to game day, he's super emotional.
Yeah. And then by that point, you're kind of drained.
Maybe as a team, he needs to figure out a way to just like turn his entire, what's a part of your brain that controls your emotions. He needs to turn into like a psychopath during the week that doesn't have emotions.
Yeah. And then just like finally let things out on Sunday, because at some point you, you just like tune out the over the top, like passion that anybody has.
I don't think that you can like, you can't get it up for that long, that consistently when it comes to somebody's emotions, eventually it has to die down. Right.
Yeah. There you have to, you have to kind of step on the gas and then let it, let up and just let your team ebbs and flows.
Yeah. I just, I think the lions are friskier than last year.
So that Dan Campbell doesn't have to onside kick in the third quarters and the Eagles. AJ Brown is awesome.
I am a little worried about like, that's a weird defensive performance to start start especially considering like it's been a lot of talk about their defense but and one last thing with the Eagles Nick Sirianni did say that he thought Jalen Hurts played like an outstanding game and he had control of it from start to finish and while he did have a good game and he didn't make any mistakes he was like 18 for 32 he. He wasn't incredible.
So I don't know where the ceiling that he expects for Jalen hurts. 18 for 32 is pretty good though.
Like Jalen hurts a couple of years ago. No, it's true into the NFL.
It was like very much a question whether or not he could start a game. And well, no.
So I guess the, the question is like, does 18 for 32 is not that good. It's, it's.
But that was my point. It's like, that's okay for Jalen Hurts, but where— Jalen Hurts, if he's, like, phenomenal, I think the Eagles team can win the Super Bowl.
Yeah, but— So, but he was talking like he was phenomenal. I don't know where that line goes.
Right. He was not phenomenal today, but 18 for 32 for Jalen Hurts— And he also had 90 yards rushing.
I was going to say, if he's doing stuff with his legs, then yes, that can be a phenomenal performance.

Jalen Hurts is not going to be a guy that throws 75% completion percentage.

No, but he didn't have any touchdowns.

He didn't make any big mistakes.

And I do think that Sirianni deserves credit for figuring out a way to get the most out of him, especially running the football.

Yeah.

So next week, they've got the commanders at home.

Guess whose spread is it anyways?

Whose line is it anyways, what we're doing this year?

It's sponsored.

What's it sponsored by?

It's sponsored by Drew Carey.

Drew Carey.

Okay.

They have the Vikings on Monday Night Football.

Oh, okay.

So you're hypothetical. You've been a week off with every football game.
Do you know what the date is? Because you were talking up your JMU versus App State game next week. That is their next game that they have on the schedule.
So do the commanders have a week to bye? We're missing. Wait, no, they are playing next Sunday.
Oh, no. Retract next Sunday oh no I'm seeing Vikings at Eagles Monday September 19th oh no I'm seeing what the fuck are you guys looking at I'm seeing commanders at no no I'm talking about the Lions I was saying the Lions game oh I was saying the Lions are hosting the commanders next week true did anyone else think that he was talking about the Eagles? I thought you were talking about the Eagles because we were talking about the Eagles.
I was talking about the Commanders. I don't think I said the Eagles.
No, but we were talking about Nick Sirianni and Jalen Hurts and you're like, so the Commanders are playing. We'll have to play that back.
I don't know if you said Eagles. I'm not sure.
We'll never know. Yeah, we'll never know.
Guess who's present anyway. All right.
Commanders at Lions. Sorry, I won't look.
I won't look. Commanders at Lions.
I'd like to apologize to you, Max. Would you like to apologize to me? I would also like to apologize.
Double apology. I'm going to say Commanders minus one and a half.
Lions by one. Lions are favored next week.
Okay. Whoa.
Could they get the big win? I think it's going to be Commanders win by three points. Okay.
I think the Lions are just going to lose by three points. To everyone.
To everyone. All season long.
All right, next up, Bears are also 1-0. Bears, 19, Niners, 10.
Welcome to the club. Feels good.
Crazy weather game. Crazy to have that weather game this early in the year.
The field looked like shit. The guys sliding in the end zone was awesome.
Those pictures were sick. Yep.
I was very happy. I'm like I'm happy.
I don't think the Bears are going to be great. I know they're not going to be great but I'm happy because I went into this season being like they're going to be frisky and beating a team like the Niners as seven point underdogs is a very frisky move.
It was nice of our friend Greg Kittle to sit out this week. Yeah.
And Elijah Mitchell to get hurt again. RIP to Soldier Field.
Yeah. I think that's probably a record time for how quickly it gets damaged for the rest of the season.
It's bad. It's really, really bad.
And, yeah, I was just – I don't know. I didn't think that was actually the best part about that game.
Well, there's two parts that I loved is that, one, I was having all first half is Justin Fields, like, what's going on? He made some big plays in the second half, especially when he threw the Dante Pettis touchdown where he, like, rolled out of the pocket, hit him down the sideline when he got free. And then two, Matt Eberflus, Matt Nagy loses that game 20-0.
I don't want to compare him to the last guy, but the Bears came out and they actually fought back and they played disciplined defense. They had no penalties in the second half.
They did the right things, forced some turnovers. I was very happy.
They're frisky. On the other side of the ball, I feel like we might get started with a Jimmy G talk.
Sooner rather than later. Because Trey Lance did not look good at all today.
That game can't be decided, though, because of weather. The weather was so crazy.
The weather was bad. But also, Trey Lance made some pretty bad plays.
Yeah, he did. He looked in way over his head.
The Eddie Jackson pick. But that's the danger that you're going to have when you re-sign Jimmy G to that new structured contract, and you just have him kind of lurking over your young quarterback's shoulder.
That conversation's going to happen if you go on the road and lose to the Bears in a disgusting manner week one. And obviously the Bears did good things.
Justin Fields did look good. No, his second half, he was abysmal in the first half he was three for nine 19 yards in interception that was when i was like this is going to be a way longer season than i thought and then but he made put like justin fields made he did the thing that he did at ohio state where it's like hey i'm gonna use my feet to open up the pass not just you know tuck it and run like he's he's extending the play to then make the big play, not I'm going to just try to run the ball at first sight of issues.
The thing that I saw that was a little bit different about Justin Fields this year was that he didn't look panicked all the time. Yeah, right.
The game definitely slowed down for him a little bit. Don't say that.
That's a trigger. Why? Because he said that last year in the preseason.
He's like, the game. He's like, the game's super slow for me, and then he went out and got sacked like 17 times.

Like, if you watched him last year, he looked terrified.

Yeah.

He looked like he was thinking through.

Well, that Browns game.

Everything that he was doing.

Yeah.

He was thinking every single step that he made, every time he would, like, turn his head.

It was like there was a smaller Justin Fields inside of Justin Fields moving him around like a robot.

In this game today, it looked like he was having fun playing football, like a normal human being should.

Yes.

At this level.

So he looks like he was having fun playing football, like a normal human being should at this level. So he looked good.
Also, Debo is just still fucking amazing. He's awesome.
Debo, at some point, Kyle Shanahan should have just been like, hey, let's just give the ball to Debo every play and tell him to run into somebody's face. It's awesome when he does that.
And like, hey, Debo, I'm sorry that we ever had any contract issues you should have had everything but i i i'm not going to take too much away from the fact like both trey lance and justin fields those conditions were horrendous it is funny because there's obviously all the talk about them moving to arlington heights and getting a dome and this was like this was score one for bear weather like the bears don't win this game probably if we don't have that weather

and shit just doesn't fall apart and Trey Lance looks like shit in the second half.

Yeah, Kurt Warner hated this game.

Hated this game.

But I am happy.

I'm happy.

I don't have any complaints.

Matt Eberflus looks like he, like I said before,

I think I said it a couple weeks ago,

looks like they're doing the little things that make them seem like a competent team. And if you do the little things, you can be frisky, even though you don't have great talent.
You can beat a team any given Sunday. Yeah.
So I'm happy. Congratulations on being 1-0.
Thank you. Congratulations to you.
There's nothing to be ashamed of, no matter who you are. If your team goes 1-0, great job.
Yeah. 0-1 teams, different story.
Also, one last stat. 30 teams since 1999 have won a game while missing two extra points or more.
The Bucs in 2020 did that. So they're one of the teams.
And the Bears did that today. Incredible.
So it's Super Bowl. They missed two extra points today? Yeah, Kyro Santos missed two extra points.
I mean, he couldn't plan he couldn't plant like it was oh I saw that they got a penalty for drying off the field they brought like a little hand towel out to dry down the spot it was crazy and Eddie Jackson might be back so yeah everything no complaints from me happy happy happy Trey Lance is definitely looking over his shoulder yeah oh we forgot to mention it earlier when we were talking about the the Dolph dolphins game the row of cars that just burned down oh yeah as as the game went on so somebody like left a hot grill on next to some cars and then you come out and you see like your car has just been lit on fire and just completely burned out was a man cooking hot dogs someone had left a grill on yeah was it was was somebody cooking like a slab of ribs At a very high temperature Like very very high temperature Oh Imagine if Frank started that whole fire It's not Unfathomable It's possible It wasn't Frank But if it were I wouldn't be. We don't know that it wasn't.
I don't think he has a car down there. Yes, he does.
With Doug's? Yeah. I don't think he has a grill down there.
They don't. Well, I'm just saying it's a non-zero chance that Frank Fleming burned up an entire row of cars.
If it came out that it was him, I'd be like, okay, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.
I don't think there's a jury in the world that wouldn't convict him either. No.
Him doing the waddle was so great. God.
What would Frank Fleming call himself if he was a fan of Frank Fleming and found out that he burned down a row of cars? What do you mean? Oh, what pun? Frank Fleming. Yeah.
Yeah. He'd be like, he did it again.
Frank Flaming. Frank Flaming, yeah.
Another car burned down. Another fire in the parking lot.
By Frank Flaming. He did it again.
All right. Saints-Falcons.
Oh, no, let me do a quick ad, and then we'll do Saints-Falcons. DAZN, this weekend, I'll be in Vegas.
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Triple G Trilogy. Okay, Saints-Falcons, Jameis, 16-point comeback in the fourth quarter.
I fucking love him. He said he has pain everywhere because he went in the tent at some point.
He's the opposite of Jerry Jones. He's basically doing hockey injuries, pain everywhere.
J was Jameis being back makes me so happy, and this was just the same old Falcons. Yeah.
Jameis' quote after the game, they asked him, did your heart rate come down yet? He goes, my heart rate was smooth the whole way. Love it.
I believe it. He's got the guts of a cat burglar.
Jameis Winston is crab burglar. Jameis Winston is so fun, and I think he's really come out of his shell, too.
That's another crab pun. But he's really come out of his shell a little bit the last, I don't know, six, eight months since he's been training this offseason.
His podcast is legitimately hilarious. If James Winston, there are very few athletes that I would say could step behind a mic right now and immediately take us out.
I think if Jameis Winston did a full-time NFL podcast, we're fucked. I want him on the show.
We might as well hang it up because he's laugh-out-loud funny. I'm talking unintentionally and intentionally as well.
He's got it both. He's got it both.
He's got everything going on. Michael Thomas is back today, officially back.
Crazy. He had a huge game.
If you had asked me before the season, like, is Michael Thomas going to play a snap, I'd say probably not. And he looks happy.
He's got a way to get paid. Yeah.
He's still, he's happy. He's out there playing.
Chris Olave made a couple nice catches. Jarvis Landry.
Jarvis Landry. Awesome player.
Yeah. People forget.
He made the 40-yard catch down the sideline. Jameis got flagged for an intentional grounding that was – what was the exact penalty? Well, I know exactly what he did.
It looked like a spike or something. Yeah, so it was intentional grounding on a spike.
And do you know why that happened? It actually is totally understandable why Jameis did that. He thought Jarvis Landry had been inbounds.
He had actually gone out of bounds. I didn't realize if you spike on a dead clock, that's intentional grounding.
Okay, I didn't know. So that was what happened.
Okay. So the clock wasn't moving.
He spiked it. Intentional grounding.
You learned something new every day. Yeah, it was crazy.
So that was a crazy pass. I don't know why the Saints – like the Saints, as soon as they started running tempo, they erased that lead.
They were down 16 points in the – I think it was 16 in the fourth quarter, right? I think it was 17. Yeah, in the fourth quarter.
Maybe 16, yeah. And they went tempo, and Jameis started slinging it, and guys started making plays, and the Falcons are the Falcons.
So this is now the – since 2020, there have been three times that the Falcons have blown a 15 plus point lead in the entire rest of the NFL. There's only two other times that's happened.
Yeah, I want to create brutal some sort of computer betting program that whenever the win probability hits 90 percent for the Falcons, you take the live bet on the other side. Yeah, I'm sure that it would be enormously profitable.
And I don't want to shit on the Falcons totally because – I like Marcus Mariota. Well, I was going to say Marcus Mariota, competent.
Quirrell Patterson, still awesome. Had like 130 yards both rushing and receiving.
And our friend Arthur Smith actually said – well, actually he gave us permission to bury them so we could do that if we wanted to he said you guys wrote our obituary back in may you'll continue to write our obituary who cares so if he doesn't care they're dead they stink they're they're not good i'm just giving this for him so he can motivate himself i'm actually i'm rooting for. We're just giving bulletin board material.
You really thought that Marcus Mariota as your starting quarterback was going to be the answer this year? Like you're going to be a good team? Hey, Arthur, what point lead would you say is safe? 24? Arthur, how many times can you force the ball to Kyle Pitts in a game and expect it to turn out well? Hey, Arthur, can you even name three players in your defense? Yeah. No.
We're just saying this to get Arthur Smith motivated. Because you told us to write your obituary.
Yeah. Hey, Arthur, why don't you go to London right now and just lay down next to Lizzie because you're dead.
Hey, Arthur, have you ever seen a more scared kicker than Youngway Koo today? Oh, dude, we've got to talk about Marcus Lattimore. Could have been the worst penalty of all time.
people who didn't watch the game the game was over and marcus latimore just body slammed a falcon player and they just like oh that's 15 yards now you can now the falcons are close enough to attempt a it was like a 65 yard field goal yeah but they were literally on the game was over they were on their own, and he just body slams the guy after the play,

and they're like, hey, 15 yards, Youngway, go give it a shot.

So what are the rules on that?

How long does the game have to be over for a body slam to not extend the play

by one or the game by one time down?

I think there might have been a second left, but even if not.

I think it was at zero, but the ball had just landed on the ground.

Right.

And so it's one of those gray areas where it felt like it was part of the play,

So we're going to throw... Even if not.
I think it was at zero, but the ball had just landed on the ground. Right.
And so it's one of those gray areas where it felt like it was part of the play,

so we're going to throw a flag on the play. But if it's in the handshake line right afterwards,

you can't throw a flag on that and bring the team back out, right?

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know.

That would have been.

Roger Ball, you can do anything.

That would have been one of the all-time Falcons-ings by the Saints.

Right.

Yeah, I was losing my mind. I think they just blew the game falcons yeah he just threw him there um so yeah i the saints they're also i like how the saints the saints feel like they take rivalries like they they respect rivalries by disrespecting the other team like there was a player on the Saints who had the Falcons flag.

He brought it to his press conference.

They were, like, clowning him after.

I feel like the Saints always do this, whether it be the Bucs, the Panthers,

or, like, the Saints respect rivalries by being super disrespectful to their rivals

and then, therefore, enhancing the rivalry.

I think it's mostly against the Falcons, too.

Like, those are two teams that, like, actually hate each other. And the fan bases legitimately hate each other.
Correct. I like it, though.
It's to the point where there were some Katrina charities that got set up back in 2005, and even some Falcons fans were like, fuck this. Yeah.
As a Falcons fan, no. Yeah, they'll take it so seriously where it's like, no, I'm not even going to get involved in that.

Those are Saints fans.

Yeah, right.

Which is fucked up, but also part of what makes the rivalry better down the line. I get it.
Yeah, and I like that the Saints, this is week one. We have so many games to go, and they're like, no, fuck this.
We're going to run it up on them. But the Falcons, goddammit.
Again, in the last two seasons, there have been five total times that a team has blown a 15-point-plus lead. Three out of five of them have been the Falcons.
It's on brand. It's so on brand.
And they're dead. Arthur Smith, you're dead.
He's dead, and your name's Arthur, which is kind of a beta name. King Arthur.
But again, we're just doing this to give you that bulletin board. Correct.
Correct. You're dead.
Yeah. Arthur.
Your owner definitely is thinking some thoughts. Yeah.
Right now. Just motivation.
Arthur, because you're dead, I wouldn't do open casket with your chin or lack thereof. There you go.
So that's buried Hank didn't like that no those like you motherfucker we don't make chin jokes um yeah no we actually like Arthur Smith a lot and we want the Falcons to do well but you told us to bury you so we had to bury you if you asked young way coup to light you on fire he'd probably definitely would. So maybe cremation is not in the cards either.
All right. Browns-Panthers, the Baker revenge game.
Oh, no, sorry. Ravens-Jets, the game that we didn't see any highlights from.
Yeah, I was kind of disappointed with this one because I was hoping for a couple good Flacco highlights. All we got was a pick, which the tight end ran the wrong route on the pick.
I went back. I watched the tape.
It was they ran the stick instead of the out, and Joe Flacco put the ball where it should have been. And we talked about what a veteran ball he throws, right? That's what they were saying about Joe Flacco, veteran ball.
Turns out that translates to the defense, too. They can catch it very easily.
Let me ask you a question. He does throw a veteran ball.
If you were the Jets going into this game, how many veteran balls would you want Flacco to throw to win the game? I would want attempted veteran balls. Yeah, attempted veteran balls.
I would want him to throw 28 veteran balls. Oh, you were close.
He attempted 59 veteran balls. That's a lot of veteran balls.
59 veteran balls.

A couple of those balls are going to end up

in veteran hands. I saw,

I was looking through the box scores like, he

threw 59 passes? Like, that

couldn't have been part of the game plan. He's got to be so

sore right now. So sore.
How old is

he, like 40? That's so many pass

attempts for Joe Flacco at his age.

I feel bad for Joe Flacco, honestly.

He actually ended up having 300 yards. He had7 yards he went 37 for 59 that's insane that's yeah i mean that's the lead right there joe flacco completes 37 veteran balls yeah on 59 veteran pass attempts billy so we didn't this game literally was like never on red zone because lamar was just throwing deep bombs.
Like Lamar, the surprising part of this game was the Ravens weren't able to run the ball and Lamar had to do it with his arm and he did it. But you watched the entire game, so tell us.
It was kind of like the first game last season. The defense kind of looked good.
It's just the offense couldn't get anything going, and it just kind of stacked up.

Were they hitting?

They were hitting.

I mean, gangrene tackles.

They always bring the heat.

But they underutilized Braxton Berrios.

There wasn't much screen game.

They were going downfield with it,

but I think there was a lot more they could do to utilize their weapons.

And Flacco did what he could, but just could never get it together.

Okay, so now here, that was actually a very good uh recap from the jets side here is billy's real recap as i walked by him around like five o'clock i was like oh the jets stink again and he just goes i think we're gonna beat hank and the patriots so that's where he's at we can just beat the Patriots. That was where he's already at that point where it's like, we just got to win one of these two games and success.
I said you're going to the playoffs week one last year. Yeah.
Hey, you know what? You can dream. You can't really be optimistic.
No, you have to dream. How many more games of Flacco do you get? If they beat the Patriots, can I shoot you in the leg? If the Jets win the Super Bowl, you said? No, if the Jets beat the Patriots.
I strongly advise that you accept this. How about if the Jets beat the Patriots? If the Jets sweep the Patriots this year, you could shoot them with a BB gun.
Okay, I'll do a BB gun. Yeah, that's fair.
In the ass. Yeah, so they've got to sweep them.
Sweep, yep. But if the...
No. A red rider.
That's reverse. It should be the other way around.
No, Billy's saying he'll take the pain. No, I know, but if the Giants sweep the Patriots, you should get to shoot Hank.
We'll do a Daisy red rider. But Billy's doing like this is his offer to the gods.
Yeah, right. If you favor the two wins, then I will take a shot.
I mean, sweeping the Jets, I guess. That's expected.
There is no offer. I don't need to talk to God about anything.
You should get to shoot Billy in the ass either way. If there's a sweep either way.
Do you think you'll beat the Jets both times? All right, so Billy's expectations have raised a little, and yours have not changed. Like, you haven't lowered yourself to Billy.
Yeah, I mean, the Jets. Well, the thing is, Flacco in the driver's seat now, I think they are going to improve.
That offensive flow. A lot of reps.
When you just say Flacco in the driver's seat, it does sound like he's got it all under control. It is a minivan, right? With like seven kids in the back.
Did you see that clip of him talking about how he's... No, he does not.
He's like, I signed up to be a backup. Dude, did he change the number to 19? He doesn't want to play.
Yeah, no, there's a clip of him talking about how he's playing no he does not he's like i signed up to be a backup did he change the number in 19 he doesn't want to play yeah no there's a clip of him talking about how his kids think he sucks he's been number five his entire career right when you when you end up taking a secondary number that's over 10 digits away from your primary number that you've been your entire career that's just like i'm here to get paid it's It's a cry for help. It's like the, what would you tweet if you were kidnapped?

Joe Flacco, what would your number be if you were kidnapped?

19.

Yeah, no, he would.

Someone save me.

He doesn't want to be out there playing.

No, he wants to be a backup and not have to do anything, which I respect.

He didn't look awful, awful today, though.

59 attempts.

He looked okay.

He looked about what you'd expect for Joe Flacco. Yeah.
Here's a fun fact, which I didn't realize. Do you remember? The Ravens lost their last six games last year.
I forgot about that. I totally did, too.
Because they won all their preseason games. Right.
And so this was technically they broke their second longest losing streak as a franchise. Well, Lamar had an ankle issue at the end of last year and also butt issues that lingered for a while.
So his butt looked good today. But that's a testament to the Ravens that they lost their last six games, obviously, because Lamar was out.
But I still think they're a very good team. And when Lamar can win from the pocket throwing deep that's scary he had some dimes yeah that's very scary I mean Lamar is basically playing for ginormous amounts of money right now like every single game imagine if he gets fucking uh franchise tagged that's what they said they'd do he probably will get franchise tagged and then he might end up in a position where he gets franchise tagged a second time and then I think i was reading that that would be so disrespectful if they do to him that's what they did to kirk cousins i eat but that's the model yeah lamar's better than kirk yeah but kirk cousins gets paid like lamar jackson should be correct right now so it wouldn't be like there is a world where lamar jackson does get two consecutive franchise tags and then i was reading, I think Florio was talking about how there's a possibility that they could tag him in a different way a third time.
But that year would be like $55 million guaranteed for one year. That would be an awesome, awesome paycheck to get.
But that would be, there's very, it's rare that I would say, like, it's obviously just a business and this is how all nfl contracts work but if they franchise lamar jackson i'd be like that is a slap in your face do you think that in the postgame handshake lamar was like hey joe you're you're real motherfucker because you stole that money from the baltimore ravens on your guaranteed money yeah and now they are afraid to pay me that because they don't want a repeat of what happened they're deathly afraid they basically told me that me that I have to win a Super Bowl if I want to get paid. Yeah.
And even still, look at what happened last time. Yeah.
Yeah. But yeah, I thought, you know, I watched a couple highlights afterwards because it was crazy.
Do you remember like more than four plays from this game? No. It was.
They never showed it on. Lamar had a sick drop in the bucket pass.
Yeah. No, he had a couple.
I watched a couple of the highlights and I was like, damn, Lamar was kind of slinging it. It was not on the Red Zone channel today.
No, it was just never on the Red Zone channel. Fireman Ed fell down.
Yeah, that was bad. Fireman Ed, once you, if you're an adult and it makes news that you fell down, you're about to die.
You shouldn't be walking anymore. No, that's like, because that really is just they're implying like he fell down but he's okay he didn't break his hip this time yeah but it's coming he fell down he's all right he's expected to fully recover right like a fall down yeah i fall down all the time no it's not news yeah so but he's fine right he continued on yeah why the Jets just straight up accept Fireman Ed's return to the franchise?

It's the weirdest thing ever. If you hang up your whatever it was that he had as a fan, his hat, the Fireman hat.

He said people were being mean.

No, there's fans trying to assault him.

Yeah.

It's kind of fair.

When really they just had to wait it out because he'd assault himself by falling down.

Yeah.

I feel like Fireman, I don't want to victim blame, but I'm pretty sure that he picked his fair share of fights, too. Oh, yeah.
For sure. But you know what? I just don't know.
I don't understand how a super fan... It takes a lot for me for a super fan to renounce their fandom and then to come back in a couple years.
Well, Detroit Don and super fan kind of did that. Yeah, but if you're a Lions fan, that's different.
Yeah, but they didn't fully do it, but they were very disgusted i i think what you're trying to do right now is an impossible task you're trying to get in the mind of a super fan yeah they are just a special creature that should be left alone and looked at and you know kind of applauded in our society i agree i i'm wondering as the rest of the fan base goes do Fireman Ed's return? I think every super, I think every fan base has a super fan that you're just like, that's our crazy uncle. Like X-Factor.
Like he's always part of it. Yeah, he's always part of the family.
He's gonna do weird shit. Remember X-Factor? Mike get arrested.
X-Factor's definitely in prison. I'm checking it.
I'm checking it. No, someone showed me he was doing a podcast.
Yeah, from jail. It starts out like cereal.
Yeah. Will you accept this? Okay, so he's retired.
X-Factor? Yeah. Right, he'll be back.
The quote was, I was becoming a monster. Yeah.
Right, no, he'll be back. He wants that monster.
He's going to be like, I miss the monster. But that's what super fans do.
Whatever a super fan does, retire, change their look, anything like that, you're just going to be like, eh, they're super fans. I love super fans.
I love all of them. I'm just curious, as a fellow fan of that team, if you're a Jets fan and Ed comes crawling back.
It's crazy. Like, what do you do? Does everybody just let him back in? Okay, you're welcome here.
Yeah. Once a Jets fan, always a Jets fan? He does the J-E-T-S, and then it's all good.
Yeah. It's all back together.
Okay. So, Jets over-under wins, Billy.
I'm still going with 6.5. I think they can pull it out.
Okay. So, you're saying over or under 6.5? Over.
Over. Okay.
All right. Okay.
Okay. Because you just said 6.5 wins.
So, a tie. Yeah.
Okay. Got it.
Six wins and a tie. I'll count that.
A push against the other team, which is a tie. Yeah, 6-10-1.
Okay. Browns-Panthers, the Baker revenge game that actually ended up being a fun game.
It looked – we talked about Carson Wentz trying too hard. Baker was trying way too hard at the beginning of the game.
He's like, I'm going to gonna get a 50 point touchdown on the first play and he sucked to start the game i was thinking that baker was trying so hard because he was just looking forward to the opportunity to talk shit after the correct like he wants to get to a point where he's able to talk that shit right the game and then after the game they asked about it and he said he's just gonna flush it that's his strategy we're just gonna flush it. He's going to turn the page on it.
I don't know why everybody made it such a big deal of a game. That's what he said.
But since the press and media did their thing, he's just going to ignore that and move on because Baker Mayfield definitely was not the one that made it a thing. Correct.
And definitely, had he won, would have said this exact same thing about just moving on from it he also said uh it's 16 more games and

the super bowl is in february so he knows the schedule yep so that's good he knows when the

super bowl is being played he probably has plans yes probably has sick parties going to probably

going to mexico uh the browns though first time they win week one since 2004 incredible congrats

to the browns um i was thinking about it like what was happening in 2004. PFT and I were sophomores in college.
Billy was five years old. The crazy one, you want the wild one, Jake? Calvin Johnson was starting his freshman year at Georgia Tech, and he's in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
That's how long it's been since the Browns have won week one of the NFL season.

Larry Fitzgerald was still...

He's not retired.

He was in college.

Is he retired?

He's going to be a senator.

He's just never retired.

He's just waiting for some senator to die so he can run a special election right now.

Can you look him up?

Did he retire officially?

No, no, he's not officially retired.

He hasn't officially retired?

No, he's said that he's done playing football, but he has not followed the paperwork. Yeah, okay.
And then the Browns, I mean, the Browns look exactly like the best version of the Browns minus obviously the quarterback. I mean, Jacoby Brissett is a nice placeholder, but they just ran the fuck out of the football.
Jacoby Brissett is the guy that knows exactly what to do at any given time. Now, he's not physically able to do the right thing, but he knows what should be done.
I bet he'd be an awesome Madden player. Yeah, he'd be a great coach.
Great decision-making, great coach, but then he's just not physically able to make really nice throws. He's got a crisp handoff.
Yeah, right. He gets in the huddle with like three minutes left if they're down seven.
And he's like, all right, guys. So I know we got to run tempo and score a touchdown.
I'm not going to be able to do that, but I do know that you should do that. And he knows that.
He knows the passes that should be made. He can't probably do all of them, but he knows.
He won't ever like seal a game with a touchdown, but he'll take enough time off the clock and get them to a place in field position to pin them relatively deep on a punt. Right.
And then let their defense go out there and win the game. Right.
Exactly. That's what you get with Jacoby Brissett.
Exactly. So the Browns, yeah, I mean, that was, congrats to the Browns.
Let's clap it up for the Browns. Yeah.
2004 is a long-ass time ago. Good job, Browns fans.
That's a long-ass time ago. The only other note that I had in this game was Matt Rule always kind of looks like he's staring at the sun.
Yeah. He's just always got this like squint on his face and like he kind of curls up his mouth and looks confused.
I think Matt Rule would be a great selection to go to Nebraska. So Matt Rule was very upset and he actually kind of had a fair argument.
I learned a lot about fake spikes today with or spikes today with uh jamis spiking getting intentional grounding jacoby brissette actually had the flag thrown on him at the end of the game for his uh spike because he did kind of fake it if you fake it you can't then spike it that's intentional grounding which makes sense spike you can't re-spike it. If you take a step back and look downfield and then try to spike it, that's intentional grounding.
So they threw the flag. The refs convened.
They picked up the flag. Matt Rule lost his shit.
I think he has a fair argument, but if you're the Panthers, don't you want the Panthers? If you're the Panthers fans, don't you want the Panthers to lose so Matt Rule gets fired? Yes. Right.
So I think that's kind of a win-win. Was it Jacoby Brissett that had a doink today with a pass? Yes.
That was awesome. Yes.
That's the best spike of all. That was awesome.
It was like 10 yards out, and he threw it maybe halfway up the upright and bounced it off it. That should be a live ball.
Yes. Actually, so there's arguments to be made on both sides whether or not it should be a live ball on a field goal attempt.
I think on a pass attempt, if it hits the upright, that's a fumble. Yeah.
And it can be advanced by either team. Yeah.
Like imagine the chaos that would ensue from that, like a quarterback trying to spike it off the crossbar and then just everybody on the team diving on it in the end zone. Yeah.
It would be great. And Cade York, that was a sick kick.
Rookie, LSU, 58-yarder to win the game. I'm happy.
There's times when I'm worried because it feels like with Evan McPherson, Cade York, Koo is actually a very good kicker. There's times when I get worried that we have too many good kickers, but then we had so many missed field goals and extra points, it's like, no, we're if everyone was justin tucker the nfl would be boring it'd be very very boring we need missed kicks yeah um if you're a browns fan i think you know you're happy with the way that things have turned out so far that baker is no longer on your team you probably wish that things had you probably wish that you had signed a a non-sexual predator to the contract that you signed him to.
Correct. But I think Baker can always be accepted by Browns fans as being a guy that helped change the Browns into a team that would miss that field goal at the end of this game and figure out a way to lose it.
The culture did change when Baker was there. Without a doubt.
And he had a big part in it. So I don't think that they'll ever really truly hate Baker Mayfield after.

They'll just be like, he was good.

He was an important part.

The Baker years were a turning point, I think, for the Browns as a franchise

into being a team that lost 14 games a season

to a team that will probably be hovering around 500 for the next 10 years.

To a team that has a roster good enough that they're going to take a risk on signing a sexual predator correct that's he was the bridge he got you to the point where you're in fuck it risk it all yeah right exactly he bridged you to that point yeah um i agree i the baker clearly i mean he listens to everything he comments on a lot of things i do think he got a raw deal. He was hurt last year.
He didn't do anything wrong. He tried his hardest for the Browns.
He was hurt. He took them to the playoffs the first time in forever.
If anyone should feel shitty about it, it's Baker. He's like, what the fuck? I was the franchise quarterback, and then I wasn't, and then you signed a sexual predator.
He your biggest rival right in the playoffs right that counts for something but that's just also how the nfl works yep they wanted to move on but i mean it's also kind of shocking that the browns made probably a smart business decision correct that's maybe that's the most crazy part of this whole thing correct is like wait you're the browns you should be happy to just have a guy that's gotten you to a point where you're good enough to win a playoff game.

They should give you a way too big contract extension and cripple the franchise for the next decade. Instead, they made probably a good football decision and moved on.
That's very confusing for all of us to process. Browns, Jets next week.
Whose line is it anyway? Where is it? It's in Cleveland, I believe.

I'm going to say Browns. By seven?

It is in Cleveland.

Four and a half.

Six and a half.

Browns, six and a half.

There you go, Billy.

I have one more thing on this game.

To your point earlier, I think as it stands right now,

this foursome of AFC North kickers could be the greatest division of kickers ever.

McPherson was unbelievable last year.

Tucker, Boswell, and Cade York.

That's a good point.

This could be every AFC North.

A division of kickers.

Yeah.

You guys rank the quarterbacks?

That's a good point.

We should do a new ranking of the quarterbacks in the AFC North.

I'm going to go Kenny Pickett first. Okay.
And then I'm going to go Lamar second. Okay.
And then I'm going to go Huntley third. Okay.
Burrow? Oh, shit. Yeah.
That was definitely an oh shit moment. I forgot about Burrow.
Okay. Burrow one, Pickett two.
Shit. Yeah, you're fucked.
I don't want to do this anymore. Okay.
We'll do it later. Let's find a new division to rank.
We'll do it later. All right.
Let's go to... We'll speed through a couple of these games.
I mean, the Colts-Texans tie. I'm just saying it right now.
The Texans won. That was a win for the Texans and a loss for the Colts.
Well, it's good for the Texans that they were able to be good enough to build up a 17-point lead. Correct.
That counts for something. And then hold a tie for a while.
Well, they punted to win with a tie. Right.
And the AFC South went winless today, and two teams played each other. That's incredible.
The Texans are in first place by half a game. I think the Texans, they had an opportunity to, it was like fourth and one or fourth and two, and they could have gone for it and maybe potentially ended up in field goal position.
But Lovey was like, listen, we're not going to win this game. Let's punt it and then pray that our defense holds.
And get the tie. So a tie, yes.
It's a win for the Texans. It looks pretty good.
The Colts, unfortunately, Billy, I don't think they even activated your guy. Sam Ellinger.
Sam Ellinger. He's going to come out this season.
Okay. Alright.
Yeah, because Matt Ryan, I mean, he was a bad start, but then he kind of, he figured it out. Comeback was nice.
Mills Mafia looked great. O.J.
Howard on the Texans scored two touchdowns. Yep.
Two catches, two touchdowns. That's efficiency, baby.
But, yeah, this game was like, okay, these guys deserve to tie. Yeah.
It had tie energy from, like, the fourth quarter on. There were a few games that had that.
I was hoping for multiple ties today, but Texans-Colts just – something weird always happens when these teams play. You can go back to even when Peyton Manning was playing on the Colts and like Sage Rosenfels would get out to like hot starts against them.

It's a storied rivalry between two very confusing franchises.

Yes, and it was, yeah, you're absolutely right.

And it was also like the Texans, it just felt like something weird was going to happen because the Browns, we just mentioned, 2004, next up, Colts.

Colts have not won in nine straight week ones.

Remember that for next year, Jake.

Colts have not won in nine straight week ones.

I'm going to go, Billy? Peyton hasn't – does that include any Peyton years? Nine? Yeah, 14, 13 maybe? No, I don't think it does. Wow, that's crazy.
No, I think that's the full Andrew Luck career, though, who was on the sideline for Stanford USC. That was nice to see him.
That's true, with his family. He looked happy.
Yeah, he did look happy. He looks goofy.
He looks very good. Which is good.
He had a goofy hat on. I like goofy Andrew Luck.
He had a hat that was like a Brooklyn Dodgers hat from like 1940. I think Andrew Luck was just born to be a goofy dad.
Yeah, and he's going to crush it at that. Girl dad.
Two girl dad. Two girls.
Yeah, he mentioned that. Okay, yeah, so Colts, Texans, tied.
Drew Brees could never. Nope.
He would just completely ignore him. Put him in a river.
Wash him down. Give me a man next time.
Oh, Drew Brees, what a dick, by the way. We're going to get to talk about college football.
Yeah. That he was like yeah he's he's he separated his shoulder just get back in there shoot it up yeah and maybe that's why the roster of the saints was held back for four years well also i mean the nice thing drew breeze uh could give direct advice on i was like if you if you treat it this way you'll never go to the miami dolphins right right exactly exactly um all right giants titans were in the afternoon games dable dable dancing with the team dable putting his nuts on the line and going for two i fucking loved it and i'm starting to believe i mean saquon said this is going to be his revenge tour he was awesome today he was incredible he was in everything he was catching passes routes, running huge home runs, Saquon runs.
Yeah. The Giants.
He looked fresh. Yeah.
He looked real fresh. And I think a new, like a rookie head coach, if you have a roster where you're not expected to win now, you can do stuff like this.
And honestly, if he had not gone for two, that would have been a big red flag. Correct.
Like, you know that you're not going to win a Super Bowl this year. Like, put your nuts on the line.
Get a reputation as somebody who believes in your team. Then they'll start to fight for you, and things will turn around quicker.
Become the culture. Become the culture.
Brian Dayballs. That's who he is.
He brought the nuts out. He kind of looks like a testicle.
He's a big bowling ball. That's what I think what Jules calls him.
No, like a nut. Yeah.
Like an actual testes. Yeah, but he is the culture.
Him dancing in the locker room. He is the culture now.
They seem to like him. And Daniel Jones is just like, Daniel Jones will beat you if you just give him endless chances.
That's really all it comes down to. There was one moment in this game when we saw Daniel Jones throw that interception to the corner of the end zone.
Where I to Tommy Smokes who's next to us he's a Giants fan and I said you know at least like Daniel Jones is making this decision for you because a throw like that you see it and you're like okay he's definitely not the guy he does some nice things occasionally but you know that if you make a throw like that and get picked off in the red zone you're just not the guy you're not the guy to bet on for the long term and then that motherfucker comes back and helps you win the game that's what i'm saying and then you're like wow this is the ultimate daniel jones experience where he might be the guy now i'm thinking like daniel jones in the right circumstances he might be a nice guy but that's what i'm saying like if you give him they just kept on giving him chances and eventually daniel jones will will win a game yeah they just give him like 17 chances to win the game yeah yeah because that pick felt like it was the game over and the titans turns out they might miss aj brown a little bit a lot their defense still looked good um without landry but yeah they might miss aj brown fat randy got iced you can't ice fat it turns out. Fat Randy.
It's great to see him. So Aaron Schatz from Football Outsiders, he pointed this out at the end of the game.
They did the thing where they take the knee to give the kicker, like, a better angle at it. Oh, yeah.
And if they hadn't taken those two and a half yards out, Fat Randy's kick probably would have gone in. Yeah, it was a very weird thing that Tannehill was like, dude, are you going to take the knee? Are you going to take the knee? And he just kept on kind of going backwards.
It was like, usually when you take a knee, you lose a yard. He lost like four.
It was a bad knee. Yeah.
It was a very, very bad knee. And they also had to burn a timeout at the end of the game, too, because it looked like they were going to get a delay of game.
Right. So Vrabel had to burn one there.
You think Vrabel respects Dable? Or do you think he hates him? Because they had a physical handshake. I think it was a respect.
New England guys. I think it was a respect thing.
I think it was just like, they're just physical guys. Yeah.
And just like, you know, he probably, that's how Vrabel shows his love, is just getting even more physical. Yeah, it's like almost fighting you.
Right. Yeah.
That's the true test of love. Actually, yes.
Like, when we've met Vrabel in the past, he just... Yeah, he just slapped the fuck out of me in the back of my...
Yeah, he just slapped me in the back, and I, like, coughed up a lung. I thought he was going to break my hand.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. We got three more games.
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It's 1.30 right now. It's 1.30.
That's okay. We're not going to be this late every week, I hope.
We're just out of practice. We'll see.
We enjoyed the hell out of the terrible Sunday night football game. I'm okay with being this late, though.
Yeah. It feels good.
Yeah. Nope.
Howling at the moon. Looking at the guys who still have to do, like, another two and a half hours after, and maybe not.
Either way, we've got three games left. Chiefs-Cardinals.
Chiefs 44. Cardinals 21.
Turns out Patrick Mahomes is still really fucking awesome. Yeah.
I think we talked to Jules about that. It's like, wait, we haven't really said his name at all, and he's probably the best quarterback physically in the history of the NFL.
Well, he's now, I have a stat to kind of back up how insane Patrick Mahomes is. There's six players in NFL history with at least six, five touchdown games.
Breeze, Brady, Manning, Roethlisberger, Marino, those are the other five. All of them took at least 240 games to do it.
Patrick Mahomes did it today. It was his 64th game played.
Yeah. He's in fucking sane.
He's a freak. And I think week one Patrick Mahomes is even better than average Patrick Mahomes.
And on top of that, the quote-unquote Patrick Mahomes killer last year, the too-high safety shell, every team was like, this is how we stop him. He had 110 passer rating against it today.
Well, they also blitzed him, which is a terrible idea. But it's just like – I don't think Cliff Kingsbury actually sat down and looked at a game plan because it doesn't make any sense what they tried to do to stop him yeah there might that's why they're in the pinky bowl uh next Sunday but they Patrick Mahomes all offseason oh Tyreek Hill's gone he's gonna have to do things differently turns out he can do everything and do it at such an insane level that he's still Patrick Mahomes and we should all just like I walked away big takeaways from this week was one of them was oh yeah Patrick Mahomes is the best quarterback in the NFL yes obviously I think I think like we forget about him a lot because we talked about Josh Allen but Patrick Mahomes is like if anybody goes if there's one quarterback that's going to go out and throw for like 500 yards on a given week it's probably going to be Mahomes yeah if you had to bet your life yes he's the Give me one guy who can throw five touchdowns.
He's the guy that you would put it on. And I think it's kind of bullshit that Pacheco is wearing number 10 and he kind of looks like Tyreek Hill.
That's very confusing to me, although I understand it does make him look a lot faster because he is wearing Tyreek Hill's number. I feel like he absorbs some of that from Tyreek.
But it's also weird watching that because, wait, you're on the Dolphins now.

Yeah. And I was, oh, the last thing with the five touchdown pass games,

it reminded me that Phil Rivers never had one, which always bums me out.

That sucks.

It's crazy.

All right, so Mahomes says that he's 5-0 in season,

or Mahomes is 5-0 in season openers,

and he's thrown 18 touchdowns and no interceptions. That's crazy.
He's so fucking good. And I don't want to shit on the Cardinals, but I'm not going to take them seriously until DeAndre Hopkins is back.
Yeah. I'm just not.
Their offense didn't look good today. There was nothing exciting about the Cardinals.
Yeah, but you bet the pinky on them. Yeah, they bet the pinky on them.
You know what they don't do? They don't do the small do the small things well like they don't it feels like the Cardinals are always in third and long the only need Kyler Murray to be a hero and a lot of times he is a hero and he's an incredible quarterback but like I never I feel like I never watch a Cardinals game and they're like in second and three and then or you know like third and one they just it always feels like we gotta we gotta hit a home run play home run play home run play the only the only consistent thing about the cardinals is james connor is going to score a touchdown yep that's what you can set your watch to that and also we have we have a full season of getting to know dorch dorch your wide receiver dorch dorch great from wake forest i believe dor Yeah. Mahomes fucking, God damn, he's so good.
30 for 39, 360 yards, five touchdowns. Yeah, pretty good.

Zero interceptions. Also, one fun fact from this game, I was looking at the box score.

There were eight fumbles in this game and only one was lost. That's crazy.
I think Juju had a

couple of them today. Eight fumbles and only one was lost? That's really hard to do.
It's, I think Juju had a couple of them today eight fumbles and only one was lost

that's really hard to do it's I mean that that's crazy so I asked our guy stat whole sports he said

he went back and looked in 1999 the uh Broncos played the Jaguars there were eight fumbles and

zero turnovers so that was the only other time I was like find me the most fumbles with the least

amount of lost eight eight fumbles one recovered by the other team that's pretty crazy yeah

Thank you. zero turnovers.
So that was the only other time I was like, find me the most fumbles with the least amount of lost eight, eight fumbles, one recovered by the other team. That's pretty crazy.
Yeah. Uh, another contender in terms of the division with the best kickers in the NFL would be the AFC West, because not only do they have Bucker on the chiefs who, but big balls, huge balls injured.
He had ayarder on a two-step approach. Yep.
And then proceeded to injure himself more on that kick. Yep.
But they also have Justin Reed, their safety, who is probably good enough to be a starting kicker on a lot of teams in the NFL. This dude is kicking balls out of the back of the end zone on kickoffs.
Crazy. He's a safety.
And he's nailing field goals and extra points, hitting it above the kicking net.

The guy is legitimately an NFL-caliber place kicker,

but he's also a safety.

He might be the best athlete in the NFL.

Yeah, save a roster spot.

That's crazy.

Have him do both.

I mean, on a kickoff, it actually makes a ton of sense.

If you could have a guy that is good enough to be, I don't know, 85% even as good of a kickoff kicker as your normal kicker is, but he's also a great tackler. Yeah.
Like that makes so much sense. Extra guy on the field, yeah.
That is a huge advantage. That's a cheat code.
Yeah. Damn, Andy Reid's done it again.
But yeah, Patrick Mahomes, still incredible. All right, Chargers, Raiders, Chargers 24, Raiders 19.
This was my other big takeaway. I'm officially now here ready to say I'm taking the Chargers very much for real as a team that can win the Super Bowl.
They looked awesome. Their defense looked awesome.
Khalil Mack and – is it Joey? No, Nick. Nick Bosa? No, Joey.
Nick. Nick Bosa.
Nick. Nick.
Joey. No, it's Nick.
Joey's on the chart. Joey.
Joey. It's Nick.
Joey. Tom Kennedy? Timmy.
Timmy Kennedy. Khalil Mack and Joey Bosa had four and a half sacks and forced two turnovers and had 16 pressures.
And Justin Herbert looked incredible, as always, throwing just fucking cannon shots everywhere. Keenan Allen, I think, got hurt halfway through the game, too.
Yeah, that's what Keenan Allen does. I watched Brandon Staley's speech after the game in the locker room.
And I was ready to run through a brick wall. And I was resistant because the media loves them and they haven't done anything, but I'm ready.

I'm here now ready to apologize and say I'm taking the Chargers very much for real.

I mean, they're a very talented team and they have been for a while.

But the Chargers do weird stuff.

They do weird stuff to win games in unusual fashions.

And I hope that changes this year, but I've seen a lot of Chargers games in the past right and i know that it's a completely different team completely different coaching staff from when they were the weirdest team of all time but they it's going to take a while to get that stink off my brain right like i still expect the chargers to do strange things and to you know get to a place where they have more talent than any team in the league but yet somehow find ways to win all all sorts of easy games. And that was the thing.
Last year, they were a good team, obviously, but they didn't make the playoffs. So I wasn't ready to say, like, oh, my God, this team is incredible.
They didn't make the fucking playoffs. Think about it today.
So I guess it's kind of a silver lining for the Raiders. Derek Carr, the world is filled with Derek Carr truthers.
I'm convinced that I don't know where they come from, but you can't tell me. I will not believe in Derek Carr.
I just won't. I know that some people are saying, oh, he should be a league MVP.
I'm going to put a future on him to win the league MVP. He's really good.
I think he can be a league MVP this year. I've never seen that from Derek Carr.
He's a confusing quarterback. He has the worst internal clock.
Well, no, so here's what it is. I think he's the most sackable quarterback in the league right now.
Here's what it is. When Tom Brady or Patrick Mahomes or Josh Allen, when the blocking's there and they have four or five seconds, you're watching it and you're saying, well, this sucks.
If you're if you're playing them if tom brady has five seconds you're like well he's clearly gonna hit an open guy derrick carr the more time he has like the more dangerous it gets for derrick carr he's like oh i have all this time i'm gonna do something really fucked up really stupid yeah he did that a couple times where it was like he was under a lot of pressure today but there were a couple couple times where it was like, oh, he's got a little bit of time here. Oh, he threw an interception.
And it's like, fuck, dude. What are you doing? I think there's always something wrong with his internal clock.
Yeah. He's always making really unusual decisions.
The great news, though, for the Raiders is he played about as bad as he can play, and you only lost by five points. Yes.
So that's pretty good. He got his lunch eaten, especially that offensive line had some issues dealing with Mack and with Bosa, and things got sideways for a while.
But you only lost by five points to maybe the most talented team in that division. We also have to – I know it's early, but obviously they played together at Fresno State.
Devontae Adams was incredible today.

But are we going to, I don't know, two, three weeks from now be like,

is he forcing it?

Because Devontae Adams had 17 targets.

The rest of the receivers had 18 total.

Yeah.

That's a lot.

Like, is there going to be a little bit of like, hey,

he's just trying to get his guy?

Because that can happen, and it's like that can be bad when you're not hitting other guys they've got enough good players like waller i know waller yeah no there's they they have a lot of good players but i just i will never derrick car just i had money on the raiders and i was watching it and being like this isn't gonna work okay let me go back then the chargers defense deserves a lot of credit because they looked good. I was basically saying that Derek Carr is an exploding bag of dog shit.
And I say that with love in my heart. I would not say that about him if he actually was dog shit.
I think he's good enough, but he's good enough to be so frustrating when he makes these bad decisions. Because he's, you know what it is? I would ignore him if he was just dog trash.
It's getting into the tears it's like derrick carr shows flashes where he's like he's an elite quarterback but he's not yeah i'm just never will i will never believe in him enough to put him up in that like he can win the only way that derrick carr could ever win a super bowl is if he had uh like an all-star team at every single position around him and even then he might find a way way to screw it. Right.
Right. He's, he is, he is the perfect example of a guy who can flash elite quarterback play.
And then at the other side, just be like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. But the Chargers defense was incredible and they were all up in his ass all day.
And I think the offensive line for the Raiders is a huge problem that like they could, they could have all these other positions and they can have explosive games, but it's going to be hard when you go up against that. You go up against the Chiefs with Chris Jones.
It's going to be tough. They're going to have some tough games where their offensive line is going to have to figure it out for Derek Carr.
They also got a guy on the offensive line that has the tattoos of Richie Incognito, and it confused me for a while. I was like, I think's richie back out there i think it's just reincarnation probably it's beautiful he retired and then they just that guy got all the tattoos um okay so yeah chargers officially that was another big takeaway i i'm officially taking them very very seriously this year might even have to place a future on them i probably missed good numbers, but whatever.
All right. Last game, rowback game.
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Use code TAKE for 20% off your first purchase. Aaron Rodgers is so mad.
He's so mad. The Vikings won 23-7.
Aaron Rodgers is so mad. He does not like those wide receivers at all.
He christian watson do you think you think there's ever been a bigger disparity in the amount of drugs that two opposing quarterbacks have ever done than aaron rogers versus kurt cousins no i don't think so no i don't think it's possible actually no chance kurt cousins has probably called the cops on his friends for using drugs he probably called the car he probably pulled me he probably called the Rodgers today. Yeah.
He's like, I think this guy's holding. He smells funny.
I should actually form an alliance with Kirk Cousins. Let's get Aaron Rodgers in jail.
Or maybe Kirk Cousins caught a contact high from Aaron Rodgers today. That's what chilled him out so much, and he was able to take a few chances.
Yeah, that's true. He did.
I mean, Justin Jefferson also is so insane. Is he the best receiver in the NFL? I'm going to say that Justin Jefferson is top three receiver in the NFL.
Yeah, because we always do this and then we forget a bunch of people. But he was incredible.
At least three people right now. He just looked up every two seconds.
Yeah, no, I was about to get to that. So Aaron Rodgers hates his receivers so much.
And, of course, everything Aaron Rodgers does makes news, and he probably was just doing it out of the kindness of his heart. But he did go up to Justin Jefferson after the game, and he said, you're the best player in the game.
Yeah, I don't think that's really news. I mean, like— Oh, Christian Watson was also laying on the ground right next to him.
Yeah, but do you expect Aaron Rodgers to go up to, like, Alan Lazard and be like, you're the best receiver in the league, dude? No, no, no. Best player.
Yeah, I know. Yeah, not receiver.
He called him the best player. I'm just saying, like, I think that's, like, I'm not going to get on Aaron Rodgers for doing that.
I don't think that's him throwing anybody under the bus. Oh, I will.
I think that he is – I actually am going to attack Aaron Rodgers because he's doing too much media these days. Yeah.
He's doing conversation. He's doing Pardon My Take.
He's doing the Joe Rogan show. He's on InfoWars, all the above.
Aaron Rodgers, he's become the new Baker Mayfield. Yeah.
And, man, I loved every second of it. And fuck you to Jake.
Special fuck you to Jake because Jake just completely ruined my mood when he was like, oh, this is going to be great because now the Packers have lost and the Bears have won. So Big Cat's going to convince himself the Bears are going to beat the Packers on Sunday Night Football Week 2.
But that's not going to happen. Let me do that.
I'm not wrong though, right? But let me do it. I'm not saying you can't.
Let me just walk into the same. I'm Sideshow Bob.
I step on the rake, and then I step on another rake. Let me just keep doing it.
Some confidence that you didn't think you were going to have when this day began. The Bears are going to beat the Packers on Sunday Night Football.
There you go. I think they will.
There you go. I don't.
The Packers. Aaron Rodgers hates his wide receivers.
He hates them. I would, too, if I was him.
Yeah. Did you see that pass that was dropped in the first quarter? Christian Watson christian watson he wants to kill him it was pretty bad yeah it was i would absolutely hate my if a packers wide receiver goes missing it's aaron rogers he killed him in jail i thought it was interesting too how jordan love came on and didn't seem to have those same issues he was perfect he was so good yeah isn't that weird though like i think jordan love might throw a veteran ball interesting interesting um yeah i'm i'm just gonna i know what's gonna happen i know the pat i know matt lafleur is a like phenomenal head coach and i know it's still aaron rogers and i know the packers will right the ship and i'm not gonna overreact because i did this last year when they lost the saints but i'm just saying i'm living in the moment and this moment is very fun the bears are 1-0 the packers are on one and that franchise is crumbling well matt lafleur also he is a good coach but he did give bulletin board material to the entire vikings fan base he was like i know they're gonna blow that stupid horn nice when they come in there it's not a stupid horn it's called the was it the fjogel fjogel horn yeah and it means it's got a long history of tradition yeah up there remember when it when it froze and cracked because it was too cold outside that's what they used to use to introduce uh ragnar the mascot yeah for the for the vikings back in the day so lefleur i know he came under a lot of fire from the vikings fan base i think he's just doing just doing the old Phil Jackson where he knew he was going to lose this game.
He tried to put it on himself for jinxing them ahead of time. Smart.
As opposed to making Aaron Rodgers have to come to terms with him hating all his teammates. Yeah, he's a great head coach.
I wanted to finish with a couple names I just want to throw out there. Devontae Adams, he's pretty good, right? Yeah, he's pretty good.
T. Higgins, he's pretty good.
Yeah. Michael Pittman? Yeah, he's okay.
Debo Samuel? Pretty good. Yeah.
Those are all wide receivers the Packers could have drafted in the last couple years that they didn't because they wanted to draft someone else. So Aaron Rodgers, like, you have a gripe, dude.
You should actually hold out again because it's fucked up what they've done to you do you say davante adams yeah i said davante adams yeah they could have drafted him yeah well they could have had him yeah this year but aaron rogers took so much money he ate the whole pie that's true so there's nothing they could have done so i'm just saying you got randall cobb it's crumbling this franchise is crumbling i love to win. The Bears are going to be 2-0 and the Packers are going to be 0-2.
Think about that. Think about that world that we're going to live in.
Are you ready for that world, Packers fans? You're not. And I know that it's like 2 in the morning and I'm just talking out of my ass and I'm kind of delirious, but I'm living in the moment.
You're not ready for that moment. I love that the Packers strategy for making Aaron Rodgers happy was like, fine, we'll get Randall Cobb back.
Yeah. You loved that guy like 10 years ago.
Jordy Nelson. That should make everything better.
Yes, yes. And the Vikings look very good.
Kevin O'Connell passed first test. Yeah, the Vikings.
I talked myself into the Vikings when in the North and then I bet on the Packers today because that's how stupid I am. I think I might be ready to respect Kirk Cousins on this program.
Don't do this yet. Because I'm going to say that Kevin O'Connell might have unlocked something.
What do you think about that? You think Kirk Cousins has been activated? Well, they don't just run on first down every time and play the most conservative football. One game sample size.
I think Cousins has been activated. Wow.
He did have a perfect Kirk Cousins. He was 23 for 32, 277 yards and two touchdowns.
That's beautiful. That's beautiful, Kirk Cousins.
Kirk Cousins is the Bitcoin avatar where it's like Kirk Cousins this year has the glowing red eyes. Yes, yes.
He's ready to go. He's ready to take off.
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Go get you some Body Armor. I just drank one.
This week, our winner of last week's football guy of the week is Chase Morales, who was the high school kid who ran without his helmet. Found him he's a baseball recruit oh you found him i found him oh so you did when we said don't hunt a high schooler i didn't no no he i found him on twitter okay uh he's trying to play college baseball i put his highlight tape in the blog so hopefully someone sees that and maybe gets a break oh did you nail the nail? No because I didn't go to that level of stalking a high school kid You didn't nail him? I didn't nail him Bill you're only allowed to nail people who are over 18 Good point I think we gotta start sending these people some cheesesteaks too Yeah We Yeah.
Part of my cheesesteak. We can send a high schooler some cheesesteak.
Absolutely. With a nail in it.
Yeah. One out of every four cheesesteaks we send to the football guy of the week, we'll have a nail in it.
You have to guess which one. So the first nominee for this week was a Detroit fan who just showed up to the game in full pads.
Yes. McConkie.
The thing was him and his wife were sort of both cosplaying in something. So he's dressed up as a football player.
His wife is kind of dressed up as like a, I think like a Downton Abbey type character. Okay.
We'll see. That always is what I think of when I think of football.
For the queen? Oh, for the queen. Oh, yeah, it's probably the queen.
Wait, is that a show about the queen? I don't know. It's British.
Yeah, it's very British. They definitely talk about the Queen.
I think every British show in some way is about the Queen. Everything in Britain is for the Queen.
Yeah. Then our second nominee is Ray Ruchel, a defensive lineman who's playing his first football season at 49-year-old as a college freshman.
Hell yeah. I love that guy.
Super old guy. I love i love these stories yeah and it's at like north dakota state university of sciences or something like that i saw i saw the clip from practice where they were doing a fumble drill where he was just running with the ball and then just getting stripped by somebody and they were having a great time like you watch this guy play and you're like i respect how i admire that guy yeah following his dream go do it.
I mean, him getting out of a three-point stance, I mean, I couldn't imagine doing it at that age. The third nominee is Luke Kasten, another high school kid who before every game, he mows the whole field.
He gets an electric lawnmower and mows the whole field. Wait, electric lawnmower? It's a ride-along.
Oh, is it gas? I think it's gas.

I was going to rescind his football guy if he's

an electric mower. It's got to be like

gas guzzling to the max.

I want it to raise

the temperature of that

town by three degrees per year.

You can see the ozone layer

evaporating wherever he mows.

Our next

nominee is this old guy.

I love Billy's hmms.

It's a very interesting opinion.

So this is a, there's a lot, this is high school heavy.

It won't be like this every week.

Oh yeah, sure.

No, definitely not.

No, but basically this old guy in Arkansas

ran out of the stands to fight a ref.

It's like, this guy's like too old to be doing anything physical. And he's just walking out there and he's trying to throw hands with the refs.
And he had to be restrained by multiple cops. But I don't know what was done to cause it to set him off, but that's pretty hilarious.
Okay. And our last nominee, little add-on.
That guy definitely has like some corn whiskey coursing through his blood right now. Yeah.
That guy's hammered. Yeah.
Respect. And last guy was a Jets fan who was doing pushups for the game in the parking lot between two cars.
Nice. So football guy moved.
Okay. All right.
So go vote for on the blog. I have two others that just thrown in their honorable mentions.
The kid at LSU who just slowly walked out to the 10 yard line um and was like literally just he was very very drunk but he was just taking in the scene and then the cops came and were like hey you can't do this then he tried to slap a cop and then he got fucking like his head shoved into the ground but it was sick the kid was like the cops came out and the kid looked at the cops like why are you harassing me like i'm i'm fucking like field, bro. I know my rights.
He tried doing some sovereign citizen shit. Yeah.
He's like, I'm actually an interstate traveler right now. You can't arrest me here.
It was awesome. He was so drunk.
I was one of those drunks where it's like, I wish I was that drunk. Yeah.
He was lost. Lost.
He got lost on a field during an LSU game. How cool is that? Yeah, very cool.
They ran a play while he was standing on the 10-yard line. That's definitely acid.
That dude's tripping. It was so sick.
And then also the guy, there was just a picture of a guy who was watching the Bills game at a bar, and he brought a football with him. He had his chin resting on the football.
Yeah, Trent, I think, tweeted that out. Yeah, fucking love that guy.
Legend. Okay, good job, Billy.
All right, let's finish up. We got Who's Back of the's back of the week it's sponsored by visible starts at just 30 a month for a one-line plan taxes and fees included no family plan needed you get unlimited data and hotspot which means you can stream what you want from pretty much anywhere and now they have a new plan that includes 5g ultra wideband and global calling switch today at visible.com best wireless out there for a very affordable price.
Visible.com. Hank, who's back of the week? My who's back of the week is 19-year-olds.
Oh. All right.
Very good. Carlos Alcatraz won the U.S.
Open. All right.
And he's only 19. He's 19.
That's an awesome name. I feel like it's been a while since we've had a 19-year-old in our midst.
And now we've got another one. U.S.
Open champ. Carlos Alcatraz.
What a cool name. Alcatraz.
Alcatraz. Yeah, Alcatraz.
Alcatraz. Carlos Alcatraz.
Is that reprochnouncing it correct? Carlos Alcatraz? Yes, you guys got it. Jake doesn't want to go home.
No. You guys gave me a lot of crap for bringing up tennis, but I had so many people tweeting at me Friday night, being like, because you brought it up on the pod, I was watching Tiafoe and Alcatraz in the semifinal.
It was a five-setter. It was awesome.
Yeah. It was a really good match.
Tiafoe is fun to watch. Actually, I'll defend Jake for a little bit.
We do give him a lot of shit for liking tennis because it's a very dorky sport that no one ever cares about. But I do, I like Alcatraz, I like Tiafoe, and I like that real prick that hates everything in Spanish.
Kyrgios. The future of tennis is in good hands with those three.
Those are the big three moving forward. So pick your sides wisely.

I think I'm a curious guy.

On the court.

On the court like Peter King says.

Only on the court.

Between the white lines.

And then I also like Tiafoe.

I think Tiafoe would be great on the show.

DC.

Yeah.

Okay, we'll have Tiafoe on.

Yeah, that'd be great.

Yeah, listen.

My tennis take, I know it's exciting.

People were talking about it.

I have to draw the line somewhere.

It's kind of like F1. Like I have to draw the line somewhere.
No to draw the line I can't I only closely play attention to the grand slams I'm going next year I was watching Friday night I was like I should just fucking went if I watch tennis and f1 which we pretended to like I mean I still will watch drive to survive I don't have enough time I'm not gonna watch the smaller tournaments over football or but the Grand Slam is awesome. I'll watch Wimbledon.
And when Djokovic is allowed to fucking compete because he would have won this thing. But he didn't.
But he would have. I'll also watch the Australian Open when it comes on at weird times when I just find myself watching TV when there's no other sports on.
Australian Open is really good for that. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Good who's back, Hank. Thanks.
You're welcome. Nailed it.
Appreciate it. Good job.
Thank you, PFT. Yeah, Hank, talk to the mic.
PFT, who's your who's back? Oh, Hank, looks like he wants to kill me. No, no.
You mad? Two in the morning. We just hit the 2 a.m.
You mad? My who's back of the week is the water dogs. Yeah.
Because these little bitches, that's respectful. They're dogs.
These little bitches are in the PLL finals next Sunday, taking place at what time? Probably immediately at the same time as NFL kickoff next Sunday. So ratings are going to be through the roof.
But I'm excited because I don't have to let out a random dog that i find in a neighborhood that was going to be my punishment this week basically every week i've been threatening to to kill a stranger's dog unless the water dogs win and they haven't lost since that began so um shaming and and being just generally bad people to the water dogs have proven to be the most effective motivation so who are Chaos. The Chaos? They beat a very good Whipsnakes team that has won the championship, I think, two out of the past.
It can't be that good if we beat them. No, but it's a pretty big upset.
Listen, this is the absolute epitome of a win-win for us. We were talking about it before, but if the Water Dogs lose, if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound? We're just not going to say anything.
And if the Waterdogs win, I'm getting a ring. We're going to drink out of a cup.
You think Paul Rabel is going to hand us the trophy? I think that he should. He absolutely should.
I'm going to be like, just tell everyone, yeah, I own the team that won the PLL championship. I won a championship.
We're basically going to be the Stan Kroenke of lacrosse. So we cannot lose next Sunday.
No. What time is the game? Probably exactly 1 p.m.
3 p.m. Okay.
All right. So the second half, we're hopping out the witching hour.
Right in the witching hour. Yeah.
That'll be fun. You'll see the end of the game after the witching hour.
Okay. We will have the Water Dogs.
You know what? I'm just going to say the semifinals, that was really my championship because it's like the USA hockey team back in Lake Placid. When they beat USSR, that wasn't actually the finals.
We beat the Whipsnakes. That was starting day one.
We're like, we got to beat the Whipsnakes. If we do that, everyone's got us counted out.
If we do that, then we're going to consider this season a success. So mission accomplished.
Great job, Waterdogs. I'm also going to say we will watch this game on a computer.
And by that, I mean Jake will watch it and tell us what happens. I think Dugues will watch it, and then he'll tell Jake what's happened, and then Jake will filter the important information to us.
Yes. I asked owner Big Cat his thoughts on the Water Dogs' first championship appearance.
Two words. Cool.
Yay. Yay.
That's exactly how I said it. I said cool.
Yay. I like that.
Hank, do you have any comment? Good job. Good boop for the dogs.
I don't think I'm actually an owner, so no. Did you not sign the paperwork? No.
Sign it now. Sign it right before the championship.
Yeah, you should sign it. And then that way, if they lose, double win-win for us, because we're going to be like, that's Hank's fault.
Our ownership group has been poisoned. Yep, from the inside.
So yeah, the Waterdogs, I guess, are back. Also back is BlogPFT, because the MMBM is coming back.
Nice. I've been waiting to make an announcement about that.
I talked about it last year when I did the interview with KFC behind the blog, and I really, really miss writing. I don't have that much time to do it anymore, but it's the thing that I really love doing more than anything else.
So I don't know when it's going to come out. It's going to.
Well, I mean, like it's I love I love writing and it's going to come out sometime either Monday or Tuesday. I'm not sure if it's going to be Monday or or tuesday tuesday sounds like probably tuesday that way maybe even when you know what if it comes out tuesday i can include what happens on monday night yeah oh yeah i'm sure that'll happen boom the tuesday morning quarterback i think that's already tuesday afternoon tuesday morning wednesday ish tuesday morning bowel movement will be coming out tuesday morning i'm just going to say it right now so uh happy to be out back in the blog streets again.
Nice. Because I missed it.
All right. My who's back, I have two.
One is I'm the worst gambler alive. I went 0-7, and I lost my game of the year.
Yeah, I'm not sad about it, but whatever. And then my other who's back is college football.
College football's back. Incredible Saturday.
I love it, too, because we spent all offseason. People were hand-wringing.
Oh, my God. College football's back.
Incredible Saturday. I love it too because we spent all offseason.
People were hand-wringing. Oh my God, college football's changing.
NIL, conference realignment, all this stuff. They forgot that college football still rules because of days like Saturday that had complete chaos.
Texas almost beating Alabama. I'm counting Texas as back because their defense played better than they played like, I don't know, 15 years.
I can't even remember the last time. That defense was 100% legit.
It was awesome. And if Quentin Ewers doesn't get hurt, they win that game.
I'm convinced of it. I thought it was fucked up that he goes into the tunnel and then Colt McCoy's dad's like, no, he can't complete a pass.
I won't let him back in the game. He was like, hey, play catch with me real quick.
Yeah, that's exactly what Texas's standard was back in, what, 2010? Yeah. It's funny, like the similarities between those two injuries are kind of crazy.
Both quarterbacks, I think also, both backup quarterbacks went to the same high school too. But I think Texas, like that's not a fluke what Texas did.
Because they didn't really get that many breaks. In fact, they got fucked over on on a couple bad calls big time um and they could have very easily have won that game their defense is actually very very good yeah they were they were flying around bryce young also was just insane the way he got out of that that sack was just silly just kind of like ducked he just ducked and then yeah made the play um but what i was going to say was all the hand-wringing, everything,

we had upsets.

We had crazy App State going to Texas A&M.

Notre Dame losing at home to Marshall.

Who else lost?

Nebraska.

Nebraska firing Scott Frost.

Oh, also Kansas, Duke, UNC, and Kentucky.

College basketball Blue Bloods all undefeated.

More than that.

What is it?

Scrolling.

Gonzaga.

Syracuse.

Gonzaga hasn't lost.

UCLA.

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What did you just do?

Undefeated.

You just tried to put Syracuse in the Blue Bloods?

No, Blue Bloods plus.

Indiana is, Kentucky, UCLA, Kansas, Duke, UNC.

Those are the Blue Bloods.

Those six.

Syracuse?

I don't know. Syracuse and the Blue Bloods? No, Blue Bloods plus.
Indiana is, Kentucky, UCLA, Kansas, Duke, UNC. Those are the Blue Bloods.
Those six. Syracuse? And then I also included Syracuse and Michigan State on this list.
Syracuse and Michigan State are not on that level. Nice.
That's for another day. You're on the list.
Yeah, they're on the list. Smart, savvy.
Yeah. See what you did there.
But, yes. Wisconsin loss, whatever.
Football's stupid. The Sun Belt is the best conference in America.
Sunbelt East yep could you look up just curious like Sunbelt East we listed three teams that had big upsets this weekend over like very very you know storied franchises who's in first place in the Sunbelt East it's gotta be either App State Marshall that was a waste of a Google because this is a trap question, but I'm going to go ahead and say James Madison. Yeah, oh, that's right.
Yeah, January. First place in the Sunbelt East.
Nice. Best conference in sports.
Anthony Richardson Heisman campaign. It's over.
Yeah. We had that.
We always had week one. Dude, Mark Stoops just, I mean, he fucking just beats Florida.
They didn't win for 20 years against Florida, and then he's beaten them three out of the last five times. And it was like you know that a program has completely turned around and become something where watching that game on Saturday night, I was like, yeah, Kentucky is going to win this game because they're better, which never happened with Kentucky because they would lose in weird ways.
Remember the time they just had 10 guys on the field? On defense twice. I think they did that twice in a game.
Right. Now I'm just like, no, no, no.
Kentucky's a really good football team and a good program. They're going to win this game in a swamp.
Yeah. They actually are a very well-built, well-coached football team.
Right. We heard him in the van in Youngstown, right? Yeah.
Yes, yes. Both students.
When he wasn't even Kentucky? No, he was Kentucky. He was, yeah.
We had the Stoopses and Mark Mangino somehow in the van. Wait.
No. Didn't he get in the van? No.
He was there. I don't know if he was.
He was definitely there. He was at the bottom.
Did you meet him? He definitely didn't get in the van. I would remember if he got in the van.
He probably would not have. He definitely didn't get in the van.
That would be something that you remember forever. Kansas is back.
Kansas won by 13 in overtime. It's crazy.
It's crazy. Has any team ever won by 13 in overtime before? I think it's happened maybe once or twice before, but it was nuts.
But it was one of those Saturdays that's just chaos and every game was like stagger like, staggered and perfect. Like, even Iowa State, like, Iowa State beating Iowa for the first time under Matt Campbell.
The Pitt-Tennessee game was crazy. I just love college football.
I love, love college football. And this is a reminder to people who get upset and be like, it's being ruined.
We're so low. That college football will always rule, because at the end of the day, it's a bunch of 18 or 22-year-olds making stupid decisions and fucking up games and having max chaos.
Yeah, also, I think UNC might be the greatest team to watch in college football. I feel like it's just going to be, you want to talk about maximum chaos, I feel like that's going to be UNC every single weekend.
Very fun to watch, but also infuriating.

If you're actually a fan of UNC.

Yes.

No, their quarterback is awesome, and their defense is hot garbage.

So, yeah.

Awesome Saturday for college football.

I love college football.

Scott Frost fired too soon.

16-31.

I feel like he was building something.

Come on.

Come on.

Give him a shot. Also, just kind of a lesson.

Scott Frost is a good lesson. Jim Harbaugh was was teetering on this but he righted the ship and always be careful about you know like scott frost has no home now the alumni yeah has no home like he went home to be the guy and now he's not the guy he can't go to a nebraska game ever again no like i guess maybe in like 20 years when they're like, oh, you know, 1997.
When they win a championship. It's kind of like Steve Bartman.
Yeah. Like if they win the big one, then they can bring him back in the parade and be like, we forgive you.
But he just ruined his home. It would be so much better if Scott Frost had gone somewhere else and the illusion of being the guy who saves Nebraska is alwaysaska is always out there yeah but never actually prove it i don't like their jerseys that they were wearing where they had the fake mesh on the numbers because like it looks cool from a distance but then when you see the close-ups of it you're like that's bullshit that should if you're going to have that design it should actually be they should wear the old jerseys like the old rus Russell athletic ones that have those giant holes cut out in them.

Can't be any worse.

No, and it's sad.

I want Nebraska to be good.

The saddest part about Nebraska is we like to joke about Texas being back, Notre Dame being back, Tennessee being back.

No one even makes a joke about Nebraska being back.

No one's even like, if they win a big game, Nebraska's back.

They're not even at that joke stage. You remember when they fired Bo Pelini, essentially, because he just cussed too much? Yeah.
They could take that one back. He was just screaming at people.
All right, Billy. Who's back is Nate Diaz.
Yes. He had an awesome fight.
There was so much sports this weekend. I watched that, too.
He was supposed to fight Comzat, but Comzat weighed in seven and a half pounds too much that feels like it was intentional yeah that's bs well it's crazy what they did was they they just shuffled all three of the main cars so they just all these guys were like at different weights and they just all just fought different guys i think it's just crazy that you can miss weight by eight pounds yeah it's it was definitely on purpose he didn't his ass beat. Yeah.
I mean, Kamzot manhandled his guy. I forget who he fought.
But, I mean, Nate Diaz fights are some of the best fights ever to watch. Just like, even if he doesn't win.
I don't know if you guys saw, but one of the coolest UFC moments, the woman who ended her fight with a heel kidney shot. Oh, yeah.
Crumpled her opponent. Liver.
Those are my favorites. Literally thought her opponent was going to die.
The liver. Heel shot.
She was on the ground, and she just healed right into her opponent's liver, and she just fucking fell like a bag of, I don't know what a bag falls. A sack of potatoes.
A sack of potatoes. Yeah, House of Cards is what I was looking for.
It's 2 o'clock. The liver shots.
Yeah, we were talking about that the other day. I'm a freak.
I'm an absolute freak for liver shot compilations. You've got to watch this liver shot.
Did you see it? I haven't seen it yet. Oh, my God.
Just type in heal liver shot. Heal liver shot.
It was so sick. So sick.
Because they don't know for a second when they get hit, and then it kicks in two seconds later. It happened so fast that I was like, oh, did she hit her in the pussy? Okay.
Because, like, that's illegal.

But then I was like, no, no, she liver shot at her.

It always has a sound.

Heel, liver kick.

Here we go.

Wait, this is a minute 30 seconds.

Get to the heel.

All right, go ahead, Jake, while he's watching.

My who's back is Le'Veon Bell.

He knocked out Adrian Peterson.

A lot of spits.

I didn't even see this.

I guess it was really late, and I woke up.

I saw it. I was up for the game of the year.
I saw it. All these things came and went.
Oh! Yeah. Awesome.
That's good. That's a good liver shot.
Yeah. Yeah, so that was an interesting video.
And by the way, reminder, next weekend, it's the defending champion, Max Homa, defending his Fortnite championship. Oh! I'm going to bet on Max.
And he might have a baby. Yeah.
he's it's a baby a month and a half so the PGA tour off season is a week yeah well when you're really good yeah yeah this is women acts your golfer yeah also also it's awesome there's a president oh I know it's I'm saying they do in the offseason yeah but the real players don't play in the fortnight that's why we this is our time to. Defending champions.
We dominate this time. A reminder, next Sunday, in addition to football, we're going to have the Waterdogs and Max Homa, hopefully.
No, he's going to win. Yeah, so hopefully he's involved on Sunday.
Oh, yeah, he did tell me last week. Yeah, he told me on Friday.
He said, I guarantee that I win. Oh, there you go.
So lacrosse, golf, and football next Sunday. Everyone tweet him and be like, thanks for guaranteeing.
I'm going to bet on you. Do you think Max Holm is going to boycott the President's Cup because he thinks Joe Biden's illegitimate? I saw his name to it.
Yeah, he did say that as well. I have a stupid question.
What? Is the Fortnite Cup? It's not actually the Fortnite. Wait, do you want to ask the question? Okay, sorry.
One, is it golf? Two, is it named after Fortnite the game? Three, none of the above. Okay, answer your first question.
Is it golf? Yes. Oh.
It's Fortnite. Fortnite is a cybersecurity company.
So that's on you guys. Well, it's a Tim Kennedy, Tom Kennedy Tom Kennedy thing.
I actually think it's the Fortnite opening. Jack McClaus.
Yeah, right. We just make these jokes and then eventually they just become reality.
It's an anagram. Yeah, and we're like, Hesta Moffitt, the rest of me.
For tonight, I ate that liver with some fava beans. All right, let's do numbers.
Numbers are brought to you by our friends at Paramount+. We are giving away a free subscription to Paramount+.
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I'm not guessing. Why? No, you have to.
Hank, you have to. It's sponsored, Hank.
Hank, you have to. It's sponsored.
I think they would respect the integrity that I'm showing. I can't win.
You have to. I cannot win.
I can't win. Do it.
101. No, Hank, I'm going to be mad at you if you just say a number.
Memes has three. Max is falling asleep.
You're fucking, what is it? 56. 56.
Say it.

I don't want to.

Hank, you have to. You're thinking of a number.

I want to choke you right now.

This is your job, Hank.

I actually want to choke you.

You have to do this.

They're paying us money to do this.

PFT, what's your number?

I'll give you a second to think.

I'm going to take whatever Hank does minus one.

Okay.

26.

One.

Billy.

6-9.

Okay, Hank picked one. You have two? Yeah, I'll take two.
Alright, I'll take four. So we have one through four.
Zero can be picked or no? Is zero in there? Four! Is that me? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Nice. Put it on the record book.
That was crazy. Kind of Mickey Mouse, but.
I don't care. Actually, no.
Yeah, fuck it. No, because if Hank gets it.
If Hank had gotten it, that would have been definitely Mickey Mouse. I'll be honest.
I don't have a record book ever. It's honor system for how many times he got it.
We have to keep honeydicking him so that he thinks this is real. Big four.
Yeah, four. Big four, Hank.
Well, that was. You were close.
That was too close. That was damn.
Hank, you're only way off for comfort. But that also was only because of what you said and then what PFT said, and then memes already taken three.
Yeah. I was boxed into four.
You're so close, memes. Good pick, Hank.
Memes, have you won it? No. What? No.
Cut that. Hank is the only one who's never won it.

All right.

We will see everyone on Wednesday with Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Football's back.

Love you guys.

Crows are capable of racketeering.

All for the gram.

Bitches love the gram.