Julian Edelman In Studio, Football Is Back, Fantasy F-Bois + Picks And Weekend Preview

Hey Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.

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On today's Pardon My Take, football is back and we have our good friend Julian Edelman in studio to talk about Thursday night football, the 2022 football season that's upon us.

We also are going to do our picks,

Fantasy Fuckboys.

We have to figure out what the punishment is going to be for our picks which we discuss and fire fest of the week and is brought to you by our friends at mugsies muggsies are the most comfortable men's jeans on the planet built with a proprietary stretch denim these jeans look stylish but feel like you're wearing sweatpants i own a ton of mugsy jeans multiple colors we'll get to that later multiple same colors uh the most damn comfortable jeans around muggsies are the stretch jean for men we were the first to do this for men and muggsy removed excess fabric that normally hangs off you for a fit that just looks good.

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Okay, let's go.

Now in the street, there is violence,

and then a lot of work to be done.

No place to hang all the washing,

and then I can't blame all on the sun.

Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue,

and then we'll take it higher.

Oh, we're gonna rock down to the bottom.

Part of my take.

Presented by Barstow.

Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by Muggsy.

Go to Muggsy.com for 10% off your entire order using promo code TAKE.

Today is Friday, September 9th, and football is back.

And also, The Queen is dead.

R.I.P.

Lizzie, Lizzie Blood Clot.

She was a huge AWL.

She was.

Actually, we were talking about that.

She was

an AWL six times, not seven times.

She got real mad when we had Fauci on.

So she was like, you guys went woke, and then she came back after years.

They all come back.

And she did win.

Thankfully, you know, before she passed, she won a takeie this year for

a live person of the year.

Whoops.

But listen, we're going to miss her.

It's sad that she died right before the first Fantasy Fuck Boys because I know that was her favorite.

Yeah, well, you bring up a good point.

What if you're in a fantasy league with the Queen and she dies right before the season starts?

You've you've already had the draft what do you do with her players ghost owner you you go go you don't distribute you go ghost owner it's definitely dynasty roll it out it's definitely dynasty mode though right you just let it roll i don't know i feel like you have to redistribute that i don't know what what the protocols are julian dino did you were you a fan of the queen

actually i did like the queen but i i would think that she'd have like someone in line to take over for that the fantasy yeah like a fantasy

dude it's the owl it's chungus some absolute you know

Yeah, but I always had a weird infatuation with English culture, and then I started watching The Crown, yeah, and like I am a little sad.

Everyone liked Princess Die.

Well, if you like Princess Die and

the Queen, like that, those kind of compete against

being a Bills and Patriots fan.

Yeah,

I like the Bills right now, too.

I guess I'm contradicting.

But the Bills, the Patriots didn't.

Well, actually, they kind of have, metaphorically speaking, like rammed them off the road in a tunnel, killed him.

Yeah, I don't know, but yeah, it's, you know, anytime anyone dies, it's sad.

Yeah, is it anyone?

Anyone?

Like, what about the H-Man?

You know where I'm going to go with this.

Yeah, the H-Man.

That was a good one.

Good death.

Which one's the H-Man?

What about Pinlan?

Yeah, I mean, oh, that one.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you got the H-Man.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah,

those are good deaths.

Okay, that was queen talk.

Let's talk football.

Let's talk football.

I fucking know.

I don't know what to do with that.

Well, you had to know.

Like, I would have.

You probably.

I wore black for it.

Yeah, you weren't paying attention to the news, but the minute the queen passed, I was like, well, Jules is coming in.

We're going to make the first three minutes of the show very uncomfortable for him.

Do you think the queen had that dog in her?

Oh, yeah.

Corky.

She owned like 75 corgis.

She had many dogs.

My big questions are what happens to the dogs and then what happens to every mute swan?

Because the queen technically owns every mute swan in the world.

Yeah.

It's a real thing.

Yeah.

If they could talk, they would cry.

If you didn't see mute swan.

It's the swan with like the orange bill.

They can't talk.

If you happen to see a mute swan, just pick it up.

It's a free-for-all.

Yep.

Until there's a new king, it is literally, you know.

All you can swan.

Yep.

Just grab and go.

So King Chuck now, Chuck's the king?

Yeah, King Chuck.

I think so.

Yeah.

All right, let's talk football.

Yeah, let's talk football.

All right, Bills, incredible, incredible performance week one.

Even, actually, I should say, they kind of whomped the Rams, one by 21, and they had three turnovers, four turnovers, and they won by 21.

That was a whomping.

They whomped them, and

that's got to be a terrible feeling for the Rams to lower a banner, have all the Super Bowl fun afterwards, and then you play a team like the Bills, and they come out and whoop you on your own turf.

And they're hungry.

And they're hungry.

Yeah.

I mean, that's a good sign for the Bills.

They looked great.

I mean, those turnovers,

those were terrible, but.

Well, I mean, the interception that Josh threw, the first one, that's not really his fault.

I thought the receiver could have came downhill.

Like, he stopped his route, and it kind of messed up the quarterback.

Usually, on those, it looked like it was one funnel, which there's a rat, a guy that drops in, and he has the middle of the field.

And once the guy clears the rat with the man coverage guy on him, then he's got to run flat to downhill and stay on the gas.

And he kind of slowed up if it was man.

I mean, that that was that was not really his fault.

I mean, then the you saw the DB undercut it, and and that's like a quarterback's nightmare.

So it really wasn't his fault.

It was bad football, which they're going to learn from that.

There's going to be some mistakes in opening day.

And like, what impressed me the most was their defensive line play.

Those two big guys in the middle of the line for the Bills were unreal.

What's his name?

Ed Oliver.

Ed Oliver, and then who was the other one?

They sacked him seven times.

Vaughn Miller had a great time.

Von Miller had great signing.

If he stays healthy, I mean, that could be a huge part of them later in the season where they didn't get any pass rush back in

last year.

I think you can talk about Jordan Phillips.

Phillips.

Phillips.

Yeah.

Phillips.

Yeah, one and a half sacks.

They were all over him.

It's like, it's both, it's a combination of two things.

One, they didn't blitz that much either.

No, they didn't at all.

I don't think they blitzed a single time in the first round.

They dropped.

But the Bills' defensive line looked awesome.

At the same time, I think we can say the Rams' offensive line sucks right now.

And

not good at all.

Whitworth gone is going to hurt them.

Yeah.

And Stafford, I mean, we were noticing it, but like his throwing motion looked kind of jacked up.

So there was, I think everyone knew that he had a surgery over the offseason, but there was a report today that he

had the elbow surgery.

It was Classic Schefter.

Yeah.

Because that report came out six months ago, and then Schefter reported it today as if it was brand new.

It's like, no, Adam, we all knew this.

But he was reporting it just to say he's fine because Stafford's agent told him to let everybody know that he's fine.

Right.

But

the weird quote that I've somehow missed, because it was an old quote, but in Schafter's report, Sean McVay referred to it as a little abnormal for a quarterback.

That doesn't sound good.

When you have a elbow injury, and they're like, yeah, that's not...

quarterback injury.

And you know, Jules, like, I love whenever there's a report like, oh, yeah, Matt Stafford had minor surgery for his elbow.

There is no minor surgery.

You don't like getting cut, especially with Matt Stafford.

That's his strength, is that arm.

Yeah.

I mean, that's his, what touched him by God was that arm.

And you saw him dropping that elbow.

He's always had that kind of three-quarter motion throw, but like

you can get away with that when you're healthy.

Now that he's got something going on in his elbow that everyone's talking about, I mean, you saw

throws, you know, they sailed on him.

And that's usually from a, you know, an elbow problem or something like that.

He had a couple missed throws that you're like, the interception he threw in the first, the first quarter, he threw it behind the receiver.

And that's timing.

And that's another thing is rest versus rest.

That's your whole thing.

They didn't play any of their starters in the preseason.

They didn't look very sharp.

So I always assumed that that argument is just you just played the results.

Because if guys come out and look fresh, they're like, well,

that's because they didn't play in the preseason.

So are you two?

The Bills played in the preseason.

But do you think?

We saw Josh Allen go out and lead his team to touchdown drives every time he was out there.

He looked very comfortable.

Yeah, comfortable.

That game looks slow to him.

And that's because he's prepared.

I don't know.

It's different with a lot of teams.

Yeah, Yeah, from your perspective, like, would you, if you didn't play, did you need the preseason?

I like ready.

It's, it's, it's just a, it's a, they called it like a dress rehearsal.

You get to have your football operations.

You get to go over your routine after a drive, you know, working on the whiteboards.

Like, in a game environment, you get, it's, it's a big thing, like, getting up.

Where's the fucking play clocks?

Let's look at, like, let's get our pregame

meal situated.

Let's get our shit schedule situated.

Let's go through this thing because everything on game day needs to be fucking flawless.

Right.

You work so goddamn fucking hard all week.

You practice your ass off.

You're in all these long ass meetings.

They're fucking boring to perform for three hours on Sunday.

So everything has to be pristine.

So I was always a fan of getting

a good couple series, three, maybe a half.

They threw us in a half once.

We weren't performing back in New England

in, I think it was like 16 or something.

Like we weren't playing good, and they wanted to see us play well, and we needed to feel that because that builds your confidence.

I like it.

I mean, I think about that much, but it's like on game day, you need to.

Stretch lines.

Where the fuck are you going for stretch lines?

Yeah, you can't have that.

You need to have that.

You can't have any wasted minutes.

Can't.

You have to be like in a rhythm to get everything done that you have to get done.

And if you don't practice just going through the motions earlier, like from our perspective, we're like, oh, they probably need to get some reps in the game, which I'm sure would help too.

Right.

But there's a lot more that goes on.

A lot more.

It's the operation of just game day operation that you need to feel because once it hits you in the regular season, there's a lot of shit that's going on.

Oh, fuck, I got to get my ankles taped.

Oh, I got to get my massage.

Oh, I got to get my dynamic warm-up in.

Oh, I got to go do this.

Oh, right now I got to go eat.

I got to get electrolytes in.

There's so many little things that you have to take care of.

And then, you know, God forbid you come into week one and you're fucked up mentally because you didn't get your ankle taped the right way.

That can affect you.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I'm a preseason believer now.

You need to feel a a little, I like it.

I liked it.

That's what I was around, you know, getting out there.

And it always made my confidence high when you get to use your fucking shit that you worked on all training camp.

And you get a lot of that in these joint practices, but the game day operation is huge.

So the other thing I was wondering from this game, and I think we all agreed on it watching it, Josh Allen running is incredible, but also incredibly scary.

I don't know.

I don't know what.

There were a couple of times like, what are they doing?

Why?

I know he's such a weapon, but it's also like, I'm just so scared for him all the time.

I saw it firsthand when he's gotten knocked out before.

It was a very similar situation where he's shrugging a guy off, and it's not about the guy he's shrugging off.

It's about the two dudes pursuing in full speed, trying to torpedo your head off.

I remember when Jay Jones lit him up, you know, a few years back, and he's gotten smarter, and he's a really balanced football player, but

he's that team.

If he goes down, the Bills ain't

the bills aren't the bills.

I think part of it is he's just bigger and stronger and faster than that.

He's like, I can just run.

I mean, he that stiff arm he threw that was Derrick Henry-esque.

Yeah, but Derrick Henry's gotten hurt.

Yeah, no, it's stressed.

You know what I mean?

Like, and it's not even just the physical, it's not even, you know, he twists his ankle wrong.

He gets piled up, you know, like the ankle twists.

Like, when he's, when he's flinging these guys off, he's got so much pressure going into those joints.

Like, you know, I love seeing it.

And that's the football player he is.

He's a tough, fiery guy, and you love seeing that from your quarterback, but it's a double-edged sword.

We can't be fucking redlining that bad boy.

We can't get him hurt.

That's the franchise.

Yeah, so the coaches have tried to work with him this preseason.

They've tried to get it through, like, okay, you need to fall down, you need to know when to slide, when to get out of bounds.

I think he'll figure it out.

If they don't, I don't have to do like a squirt gun, like when a cat gets on a table situation, just like immediate negative reinforcement for him.

But I actually think that today he was doing it for a much different reason.

I think he had an actual personal axe to grind with certain players on the Rams.

I think Jalen Ramsey in particular, you remember the quote from Jalen Ramsey?

You have it right here.

When he said, I think Josh Allen is trash.

I don't care what nobody says.

He's trash.

And it's going to show too.

That's a stupid draft pick to me.

We played them this year.

I'm excited as hell.

I hope he's their starting quarterback.

He played at Wyoming.

So that was when he was at the Jaguars.

That's when he was on the Jaguars.

He did the GQ piece.

He basically just ripped into everyone.

But he still said that.

And Josh Allen was pissed and he was looking to run people over.

And on that one play, he lands on top of Jalen Ramsey, and then he starts fucking his face.

He skull fucked him on the ground underneath the pile, and Jalen took exception to that.

And then Josh was like, I don't care, I'm going to smile in your face.

And then he hit that bomb over his head to Diggs.

And then Diggs got in Ramsey's face.

Tough night to be Jalen Ramsey.

He got cooked.

Hey, man.

When you talk, you know,

you got to walk.

And, you know, that's cornerbacks are, they got to do that sometimes to psych themselves up.

And, or I'm not saying that's with Ramsey, but they have a swagger about them.

They really are that confident of guys.

That's just the makeup of that position.

And when you talk and you go out and you get toasted a couple times, that's the part of talking.

People are going to say, hey, man, you know, that's, that's.

Did you ever accidentally talk?

Did you ever say something and was like, oh, fuck, I shouldn't have said that?

Like, I gave them motivation?

Because I know you guys played so buttoned up.

No, we would always pump our competition.

That's like one thing.

Yeah.

We'd be playing like the fucking like the shitty, like the Jaguars when they weren't the Jaguars.

And Bill would be pumping this team up like they were like the 85 Bears on defense.

I'm like, what the fuck?

He does that with quarterbacks all the time.

He's like, that guy is a really great quarterback.

It's like, who are you talking about?

You know, it doesn't, it doesn't give them bulletin.

You don't give them bulletin board material.

Fuck it.

You know, and that's, I'm not about that.

Now, on the flip side, would you actually like see bulletin board material and get more motivated?

Like, would would you get so pumped up?

A little bit.

You're a dog.

I would.

A little bit.

Yeah.

You say, then, of course, we say, oh, we don't care.

We're worried about the game plan.

But fuck yeah, yeah.

With the like the Legion of Boom when we go into that Super Bowl and they're like, who's their starting receivers and stuff?

Like that, you take that personal.

Yeah, would you do that?

Would you do like specific media training before each week?

Like knowing the certain questions you were going to be asked?

No,

but

you would hear like, let's just stay away from this.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And then we would have

we'd have like a guy that, the guy who,

I won't say his name, but he was one of the people that dealt with the media for the White House during like 9-11.

He would come talk to us.

You're talking about Ari Fleischer?

And he would come

to teach us how to deflect questions and shit.

Yeah, he was pretty good at you.

You're talking about Ari Fleischer.

Yeah, he's doing Live Tour now, right?

Nah, it's not.

Isn't he?

Yeah.

Did you ever ask him about Iraq?

I did.

Where were those?

They weren't.

You guys knew those weren't.

They weren't there, right?

Like, why not Saudi Radio?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a football show.

All right, I have two more questions about this game, and then I want to talk about some other teams.

So, overreaction, Bills are Super Bowl champs, and the Rams, you said the Rams were in trouble.

I'm trying this year not to overreact to everything.

I do think the Bills looked incredible, and they're obviously

Azan favorites, but the Rams,

do you think that's actually, uh-oh, the Rams are in trouble?

Or, hey, it's week one.

They probably should have played a little preseason.

They'll be fine.

They didn't look good.

They didn't have really any

rhythm on offense.

You saw they signed Allen Robinson.

He didn't, he had one target.

He had one target in the end of the game.

Like, there's a lot of things that you're like,

you don't want to see that after a Super Bowl winning season.

Yeah.

I remember when we play after a Super Bowl winning season, like, we were, you'd be on fire.

You can't go into this.

Like, you're the target.

Yeah.

yeah right you're everyone's super bowl you're the super bowl champion and if you go in like they don't their offensive line didn't play very well whitworth that that losing whitworth to retirement that's gonna that looks like it's gonna be hurting them you know the elbow of stafford how's that thing it didn't look good it just it wasn't the defense didn't look particularly that great i mean they got four takeaways but they still lost 31 to 10.

these are things that you don't want this stuff to add up at the beginning of the season i know you're learning your team i know we're trying to figure out you know, what works well, what doesn't work well.

But when nothing worked well,

they didn't have anything going.

What'd they give up on?

How much offense to offense they have?

I think Stafford ended up with like 240 yards.

That was the end.

Yeah, no, he had like 100

yards going into garbage time.

Yeah.

And the bill schedule is like, it's going to be fun because they have a lot of, like, I think they play the Titans, they play the Ravens, Steelers, Chiefs, Packers all in the first like seven weeks.

So in every game, it feels like they have that chip on their shoulder where like, we played perfect last year and we didn't win.

We got to fucking do it this year.

I mean, we got to have the home game.

I mean, if their defense is just slightly better, like 0.1% better than they were last year, then they can win that game.

And if they get home, if they get home, if they get home, they got to stay home for the Super Bowl.

I mean, we saw how they played in Buffalo last year in the playoffs.

They played the perfect game against the Patriots.

I don't think anyone's ever played a better offensive game than that.

That's first round.

They showed the stats, Josh Allen was perfect.

Yeah,

it was literally a perfect pairing of games.

Odell Beckham on the sidelines tonight.

He was taking his recruiting trip, his official visit to campus.

I guess

he's not on the Rams, but they're recruiting him to come to the Rams.

They kept his locker set up in the locker room, but they gave away his jersey number.

A lot of weird stuff going on.

Who can't, who looks slow?

They should give...

that number back to no one.

Yeah.

They should vacate that number until such a time that Odell Beckham comes back.

But so he was on the sidelines, saw this up close.

He goes, sheesh, Bill's mafia.

Damn.

That's where.

trouble in paradise.

Interesting.

If you were on those sidelines and you saw that result and you saw Matt Stafford putting his entire body into every throw, trying to overcompensate for a weak elbow, and then looking over to the other side of the field and seeing Josh Allen, like you might, they might have invited you to the wrong game.

They don't got, they don't, I don't think there's a whole lot of receivers on Buffalo.

I don't think they need it.

Yeah, but I think Odell, I think what he's going to do, which is very smart, because he's got to.

He's just waiting until someone gets hurt.

No, he can't play

right.

Like, he's still hurt.

He's still rehabbing.

I think he should wait till like December and be like, all right, who's the best team?

Yeah, I'm in.

Not a bad idea.

Not a bad idea.

Like, a very good idea.

Like, okay, who's the best team?

Who's got the best travel?

He's going to have the fresh leg.

He's only going to live there for two months.

You really, I saw your face light up.

You really think it's a good idea?

It's like we were talking about before we started recording, like what you're planning on doing this year.

Right.

Is waiting to see if

the Buccaneers are going to be like, you know, 12 months.

No, he said the Jets, too.

If the Jets are good.

Whoever's in Braxton buried us with your shirts off playing tummy sticks.

Braxton, I mean, Braxton's buffer than me now.

Oh, you're actually conceding.

He's a thirst trap god now.

He took the mantle.

He's taking it.

Yes, or you, I heard you on Rosillo's show.

You were saying, like, a year off, my body feels good.

It does feel good.

Yeah.

But it.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not, I'm out of shape.

Yeah, but you could get back into shape.

You could get back into shape.

Hit the gym.

It's not that easy.

You did have two plates of Chinese food and a part of my cheesesteak tonight.

I saw that.

I had a bite of the cheesesteak, which was

pretty good.

Yeah.

Then I had a piece of the Prince to eat pizza.

Yeah.

I had the vodka, the spicy vodka, Sicilian,

fabulous.

I had

a little of the Felipe Chow's, I think.

Yep.

Some brownie bites?

I didn't actually have one.

Oh,

you were standing in the kitchen going, mmm, these are so good.

Yeah, that's what I was doing.

That's the difference between you and me.

I would just be like, mm, these are so good.

And you couldn't hear me because of the chocolate down my throat.

And that's the difference between a six-pack and a keg.

How long would it take you to get back into shape, though?

We're talking like three weeks?

It'd probably take about three to six.

Oh, that's nothing.

Yeah, three to six?

Easy, Billy.

That's nothing.

You ever seen one of these before?

Oh, I think so.

Yeah.

Billy actually.

Billy knows his way around a needle.

Billy got this for me, for my elbow.

You know what it is.

Oh, it is.

Straw?

Research chemicals.

Why don't you tell us what it is?

I have no clue.

Do the letters BPC 157 mean anything to you?

No, No, I don't know.

So Billy accidentally got me.

He was trying to get me shit to inject into my arm to make me feel better.

He got me powder, so I have to like freebase it.

I don't know why he got me a syringe with it.

I need to get the sterile water for the injection.

What is it?

Do you know where to get sterile water?

Peptide.

It's on the way.

We're doing science experiments here.

Billy ordered these ones.

Dangerous is what you want to say.

Yeah,

it is dangerous.

He asked it for my debit card, which I gave to him.

And then, like, five minutes later, he goes, actually, you can just like, can you just cash app the money to the company?

And that's, that seems reputable.

Cash app?

Yeah, I just didn't cash out for these chemicals.

I mean, geez, bro.

Yeah.

But, yeah, so.

Do not condone this.

There's one other thing we usually ask, we just like ask you to tell us what Tom Brady would say if he were in this room right now.

So would Tom Brady say like,

I wish I got more plastic surgery this offseason?

I would say he probably talked about the TB12 diet or something.

So when you were talking about the Rams missing, you know, not playing 11 days is a long time to be out of preseason.

Dude.

Mass singer?

I thought it was the Mass Singer.

That's what I was hoping it was going to be.

It still could be.

It could be.

Because that's the best part about the Mass Singer.

You don't know until he takes off the mask.

It could be the Mass.

Right here, I think it's the Mass Singer.

Yeah.

All right.

Confirmed.

True and Enterman Reports.

Mass Singer.

Definitely the Mass Singer.

Did he agree with you that

he liked playing in preseason games just to get in that rhythm?

Or was he a guy that would be like, he played?

Was that because Bill asked him to?

He played this year in preseason.

Tom went out there and he had a drive.

They got him with an opening drive for three points.

Like, he likes to play.

He wants to feel that game day operation as well.

I guarantee it.

Yeah, I mean, like I said, you've changed me to a preseason believer.

All right, so you're going to be, we should mention, Jules has a new podcast out.

Oh, yeah.

Games with names.

I should have said that off the top.

Sorry, the queen died.

He actually pulled me aside.

He's like, I know the queen died, but can you do the podcast plug first?

I was like, like, dude, come on.

That's fucking disrespectful.

Games with names.

It's out now with Sam Morrel.

Sland of the free.

How do I say his last name?

Morel.

Morel.

Morel.

Morel.

Because it's not spelled yet.

Morel.

Morel.

He's a very funny comedian.

Hilarious dude.

And PFT and I are on episodes coming up.

Two separate episodes.

Very, very good episodes, too.

Yeah.

PFT did the caps.

Stanley Cup.

Stanley Cup, Game 5.

And

I did TBT, Notre Dame versus Barstall, which I had never talked about.

Hank was there for that.

Never gone in depth.

Great episodes coming up.

And you had Eli on.

Who else you had?

We had Eli.

We had Peyton.

How would you rank the guests that you've had?

Yeah.

Be honest.

Be really honest.

It's different because...

No, just give me your power ranking.

The power ranking is hopefully Tom Brady when he gets on.

Oh.

You can't make that happen?

I'm trying.

He's busy.

Well, it's a good thing you didn't talk about his plastic surgery.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Hey, we need to get Tom on there.

You know what you should do?

You should get Tom on there and talk about the Eagles Super Bowl.

If you want to do numbers, like strictly from a numbers standpoint, people will tune in and listen to misery way more than

happiness.

And on top of that, you can spend the whole time being like, how much did you miss me on this play?

Like, how much did you, if I was on this play, would you have thrown it to me?

Yeah, I mean, if he wants to do that game, we'll do any game he wants.

Any game?

We'll do a Michigan game, maybe.

Or an Orange Bowl against Alabama.

Or yeah, I think it was.

Yeah.

The Giants Super Bowl.

Welcome dropped it, and then you can be like, I would have caught that.

Would you have caught that?

I mean.

You Wally pipped him.

I probably would have caught it.

Yeah.

I'm not going to lie.

I definitely would have caught it.

I'm not going to lie.

I would have caught it.

Okay, so me and Big Cat tied for

West.

I love West.

Guy is unbelievable.

I would have caught it.

Where is he?

He's coaching now.

Niners, right?

No.

Niners.

No, Dolphins.

Dolphins.

Dolphins.

Went with McDaniels.

That's in Miami.

Yes.

Yes.

Look at me.

I'm all up to date on all the moves.

He's a great dude.

Week one big.

He bed horses with him for an entire weekend once.

He didn't give us any ecstasy.

It sucked.

You saw him at the Derby?

No, it was at Breeders, but the Derby story came out after, and we're like, well, we're squares because we didn't get any ecstasy.

Yeah.

He looked at us and was like, nope, I'm putting my Molly right back in my pocket.

Not for these guys.

Was it Molly?

I don't know.

I think that's what he was on at the Kentucky Derby.

But, dude, I mean, that's a good time.

I don't judge him at all.

Yeah, no, Molly is fantastic to do once and never again.

At the Derby.

Oh, at the Derby.

All right, let's talk NFL.

NFL.

So you're on inside the NFL again.

Inside the NFL, Stream on Paramount Plus, of course.

What is it like inside the NFL?

Smell good?

Yeah.

Is it warm?

It's nice, nice and warm.

Yeah, it's cozy.

Very cozy.

Moist?

Ew.

By the way, a sidebar.

Did you know that there's

have you guys ever heard of tampon gate?

What a weirdo.

Have you guys ever heard of tampon gate?

No.

There was

King Charles now

when he was married.

I think he was still married and Camilla, who is now wife, was also married.

There was, I don't know how they got the phone conversation, but he basically was like, I want to crawl up inside you and like be inside of your vagina.

Like a tampon.

Yeah, well, that's how it became tampon.

I want to give you toxic shock

syndrome from being inside.

I want to live inside of you.

Do you want to give the NFL toxic shock syndrome by living inside of it?

No, I'm more of a pad.

You know, that's a great answer.

Ready to flow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, quick break from Jules to talk about Hooters.

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We love Hooters.

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There's no better deal out there.

So talk about the show.

What can we expect?

Who are you like, who do you get along with the most on set?

You know, I get along with everyone pretty well.

I'm a little intimidated by

Ray Lewis still.

He's just an intimidating man.

Mr.

Sims, you know, you get those old grandpa-type jokes from him, and he's always a blast to be around.

Michael Irving is just pure energy.

Like, he's just fun.

Yeah.

You love working with him.

Half the time, I don't understand him.

Has he started barking yet?

I love it when he barks and howls and shit.

He's done some crazy shit.

He's done some crazy shit.

And then JB,

I mean, he's just a stand-up guy that.

Consummate pro.

Consummate.

I love the show.

I mean, I've always loved the show.

He drops an SAT word to me every day.

I have to use a, I have to Google it.

And then I don't even know how to spell it.

So it's like, dude, I went to Kent State.

Come on.

Can't read, can't write, Kent State, bro.

He went to Brown, right?

Yeah, no, he went to Harvard.

Harvard.

Harvard, man.

Yeah, Ivy Lee.

Smart ass dude.

All right.

And then, Brandon.

Brandon Marshall?

Oh, yeah.

B.

Marsh.

B.

Marsh, man.

He's killing it with IAM Athlete, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, we've had him on the show.

So

give us a couple hot takes to take into the NFL.

A couple hot takes.

What are you thinking?

What's the thing that Jules is like?

Raiders are winning the AFC West.

Okay, that's a hot take.

I like that.

I like that.

You're a believer in Derek Carr.

I'm a believer in the ecosystem that they have over there.

I think Derek Carr is, I think he's a good football player.

Last year, they showed a lot of mental toughness with the situations they dealt with all year.

I think with Mick Daniels and you know, Devontae Adams going over there, I went and watched them practice against the Patriots, and they were smooth.

He just was unreal.

Yeah.

To see him, it's like Derek Carr never really has had a number one receiver.

They got Waller.

They got Hunter Renfro, who's a stud.

Their offense is really good.

And then you got Chandler Jones and Crosby.

Yeah, I know.

I forgot Chandler Jones.

They got their linebackers are a little

in their secondary is young.

Will Compton will be there in a little bit.

Yeah.

Playoff Willie.

Wait, so I I have a question about McDaniels because you obviously worked with him.

Yeah.

Do you think, I mean, his first go-around, obviously, in Denver was not great.

A failure.

It started off good, though.

Yeah, for a little bit there, but it was.

Didn't they start off 6-0?

Yeah, I think so.

And it also, it felt like he might have had a little bit of the.

34?

Yeah, with the Belichick guys, where it's like, hey, I'm going to go in.

I'm going to be Belichick.

Do you think he's changed?

Do you think, like, knowing him now, that he is going to approach it differently the second go-around?

I think he's learned from that experience.

Yeah.

And, you know, probably for the last decade or last eight, nine years, he's probably played that game in his head of being a head coach

in certain situations or certain meetings with the teams or

things that he learned from the past, I guarantee he's learned from.

And I think bringing over Dave Ziegler, he was with the Patriots as their GM.

I I think they have a really good relationship.

That's such

an important relationship to have is that

the head coach, general manager relationship.

Like, you don't want guys that are sandbagging each other.

Like, these guys are together.

You know what I mean?

So, I think that's going to be a great relationship.

And he's a fucking smart guy.

He knows X's and O's.

And, you know, he's going to open up his offense.

He likes to throw the ball.

We didn't always get to do the stuff.

You know, Bill wanted to run the ball ball a lot.

That was our game plan a lot of the time.

We got to run.

We got to do that.

You know, there's going to be some new stuff that we haven't seen from Josh that he's probably had

stored away because he's the guy now.

He's going to fly free.

He'll fly free.

He's safety the comet.

So it's going to be interesting.

And his leadership skills are good.

He's learned a lot, I bet, from that first experience.

I mean, we look at Belichick had a, and I'm not comparing fucking McDaniels, but Belichick's first

go at it wasn't a success, even though they made the play.

Like, they were doing good things, and that whole situation was fucked up.

But he probably learned from that, and then he went away from the game.

And you get a second chance as a head coach.

There's probably a lot of things that he said after his stint in Denver, like, I wish I would have done this different.

Well, now he's going to have that opportunity in Las Vegas.

Yeah.

All right.

Don't draft Tebow again.

That's really

what he has to be.

He doesn't have to.

He's got Derek Carr.

Derek Carr is a proof.

He's a veteran quarterback.

quarterback i mean we're gonna see this and he's he hasn't i mean

he hasn't really had a very a great offensive coordinator around him he's been on a bunch of losing teams he was with gruden gruden was kind of doing that 98 ball you know like we're gonna see some hopefully some cool stuff and devontae adams is and devontae adams is a monster yeah waller jacobs they have you know they have a they got a really good

skill set guys so what about the patriots and what's going on on the offensive side of the ball because it looks like matt patricia is the coordinator now.

Are they going to have like dual offensive coordinators with Judge sometimes and then Patricia other times?

Like, how, how difficult has that got to be, switching from being like a defensive coordinator for your entire career, basically, or on the defensive side, to now you're like in charge of the entire offense?

Well,

that's going to be a learning experience.

You know,

the guy, I mean, he started, Matty P started out as an offensive coach.

He started on the offensive line under Skarneckio years ago.

You know, and that's very common with Coach Belichick.

He'd always

cross-train guys.

If you're a defensive coach, he'd make you go work on offense for four or five years, and then you come over to defense.

So, I mean, he's got a little bit of knowledge.

He knows the game of football.

Maddie P is a smart guy.

It's just, there's, you know, it's going to be a learning experience.

Calling plays on the offense side of the ball is

very different.

You know, you're preparing for first and 10.

All of a sudden, you know, you're looking at your play call sheet for second and five because you know you're probably going to get that second and medium range.

All of a sudden, the guy jumps offside.

You're in first, 15.

You got to get your eyes back.

And like, that's a skill.

Like the rhythm of play calling and the relationship between the quarterback and play caller is a fucking, that's like a skill and a relationship that has to be on so many different chemistries that it's got to be crazy.

They got to be able to finish each other's lines like the night before the game when they're going over the call sheet.

Like on third down, the quarterback needs to say, you're probably going to call this.

And he's going to say, do you want me to, you know, like, there's got to be that relationship.

So this is going to be a learning experience.

I mean,

and I don't know if it's Maddie P.

I don't know if it's Joe Judge, but, you know, it could be Bill.

We don't know that.

Bill called fucking plays in 1995 with the Browns on offense.

That's what I was kind of thinking.

Like, it might just be Belichick running the show.

And then he's saying that it's going to be these guys because he won't tell anybody.

He could do that.

I bet you it's going to be a very big collaborative effort.

Yeah.

Which will be on the lookout for Mac Jones this year?

Like, what do you need?

Let me ask you this in a professional way.

What do you need to see out of Mac Jones this year?

I just need to see, I need to see him build off of last year.

And it hasn't looked very good in the preseason.

I'm not going to lie.

And he just doesn't look comfortable back there.

He doesn't look

confident as much.

And

it's hard to judge in preseason because you're going against such vanilla

defenses and vanilla looks.

A lot of the times they're just trying to get evaluation out of players.

Like, all right, we know they're probably going to call this.

We're going to call this.

We're not going to game plan for a scheme.

They could be holding that back.

So I don't know.

But I need to see him go out and be able to win a game and last the whole season.

It looked a little bit like last year in the later part of the season.

He was losing a little zip off his arm.

So

I want to see if he took this first offseason seriously.

And it sounds with the reports that he did.

He's skinny.

He got a little skinnier.

He's probably taking a little care of his body.

He's in the weight room.

No brownie bites.

No brownie bites.

What do you think about just a quarterback with the name McCorkle?

McCorkle?

Who's that?

That's Mac Jones.

His name's McCorkle.

Is it McCorkle?

Yeah, see, that's what I'm saying.

Like, you learn that, and you're looking at him sideways.

Just a little bit.

I don't think you can win a Super Bowl with a McCorkle.

McCorkle, what is that?

McCorkle is like a great.

He's like the data guy that's off to the side with the big fishbowl glasses.

Or he's

like a super old caddy at a British course.

Like, yeah, you're going to want McCorkle on your bag.

He knows how to read everything.

McCorkle.

Yeah.

Can you use it in a sentence?

McCorkle will never win a Super Bowl.

McCorkle only has one DUI, not two.

Does he have a Dewey?

Yeah, just one.

See, that actually, you gained a little respect for him.

It's like, damn.

Don't condone DUI.

Hey, remember my take?

You You can't have a guy that doesn't have any red flags.

Cork.

Sure, you need at least one.

That's a red flag if you don't have a red flag.

Yeah.

Didn't know you had that red dog.

That's Brian Cox.

You can't trust a man with no vices.

Yeah.

Got it.

All right.

So give me one more hot take.

Raiders West is a hot take.

I like that.

I like the Raiders winning the West.

Maybe NFC.

NFC.

I like Minnesota winning the North.

Ooh.

Okay.

Kevin O'Connell.

I was around him my rookie year.

He was a quarterback on the Patriots.

Always a smart guy.

Always knew X's and O's.

I like them.

I mean, I think

Jefferson is outrageous.

Outrageous.

Yeah, that's a good way to describe him.

Is really good.

I think Kirk, I think he's going to probably step over the high.

It's hard for me to say it.

It's hard for me to say it.

yeah i just don't i i think there's a i think there's a little trouble in in uh green bay like so it's not gonna be just an easy like easy you know keep talking daddy because

they don't i who's their number one receiver yeah their receiver

yeah lazard or sammy walking he maybe sammy walkins he's had a lot of miles on him you know and and they didn't

The reports are saying that Aaron's been kind of frustrated.

Yeah, this is going to sound like a joke, but I'm serious.

He should take them to do ayahuasca with him yeah if he was a real leader he would organize a team retreat because he hates them right now like he really does not like that room he doesn't know who he's going to throw the ball to doesn't trust anybody they got a good run game they got a really good defense is going to be very good take them to peru and just but they're always good against

the bears yeah yeah you know the bears don't really don't have offense they don't say

yeah um who literally don't have anything give me one more team that was good last year that you think is going to stink this year

oh

stink this year gosh guys put me on the spot that's a tough one takes only

let's uh

i i i think the rams are gonna struggle yeah i think i think the hangover is real yeah and and sums up with stafford's elbow the elbow did not that doesn't look good can we what's a good word for it does it look wonky does he have a wonky elbow jacked up looks jellyy jellyy

jellyy jacked up wonky Yeah.

Like jelly-y.

Yeah.

A little jelly.

He got the sleeve on there.

It's not like a cool Iverson sleeve.

That's there for medical.

Yeah, he needs that.

That medical sleeve.

It's keeping it all together.

Load bearings.

If you take the sleeve off, he just becomes like yummy.

That's not a cool swag sleeve.

Yeah.

That's something we got.

Maybe you have like a bandage under there we're trying to hide or stitches.

Okay, so last question.

Rowback question.

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Give us Super Bowl.

Super Bowl.

Supies.

Bills

versus.

Oh, he's going to say the Bucs.

Yeah, he's gonna say the pucks

bills versus the bucks

the bills are gonna win,

bills are winning it.

Aren't you nervous that everybody's picking the bills?

Yeah, literally everyone's picking.

That's honestly why I bet against them tonight.

That never happened.

I bet against them only because everyone, I was like, the hype is hype is too crazy.

It's disrespectful to do this on banner-dropping night.

That's what I was rolling in in the studio.

Yeah, fuck that.

Bills just said, fuck me.

No, they winning.

They're looking good.

they're looking strong if they stay healthy they're gonna be a problem are are we forgetting about the chiefs are we forgetting that patrick as a nation are we forgetting that patrick mahomes and andy reed are pretty fucking good they're very good but it's gonna be you know it's gonna be it's gonna be interesting to see them without tyree kill yeah you know he that guy opens up the field in so many different ways with that speed like the intermediate passing game of of the Chiefs, why Kelsey gets all these awesome, you know, it's because there's no one, there's a guy blowing the top off the coverage, meaning running so fast down the field.

You got to take two guys on him all times.

Yeah.

When you lose that, it condenses the offense.

And we saw it last year, you know, Patrick Mahomes struggled a little bit throwing the ball inside the pocket.

I want, I'm, you know, I want to see over this next, you know, this first half quarter of the season if he got better at those things because you're going to have to do that.

He's going to have to have these long, methodical drives.

And a lot of people got on him last year for the hero ball.

You know what I mean?

He was turning those plays over.

Yeah.

So it's going to be interesting to see how they do without Tyreek.

Yeah.

All right.

So, Jules, we appreciate you coming on.

And their defense.

Honey Badger's gone.

Yeah.

That guy's a glue guy.

Yeah, he is.

I love him.

He's a glue guy for a defense.

That's a fact.

That's a fact.

We're going to hold you to at least once a month this football season.

We got to.

We got to.

Thursdays with Jules is the best.

People love this shit.

We talk ball,

watch the game, eat some Chinese food.

Or if you're

pizza and Chinese food.

Fatty.

Fatty.

Should we do like maybe a healthy night one night?

Yeah, we could.

Salads?

We'll just do Chinese and pizza.

Yeah.

I can't.

No brownie bites.

Well, brownie bites, but no caramel dip.

That's fair.

Meet us halfway.

I'll meet you halfway.

Okay.

All right, before we get to Fantasy Fuck Boys, a quick word from our friends at Paramount Plus.

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Also, Big Cat, they have Beavis and Butthead.

And they have Beavis and Butthead.

That's huge news.

Yes.

Okay, we're going to do Fantasy Fuck Boys.

I hope you brought one.

See, that's honestly, you guys want to know the truth?

Yes.

Yeah.

I don't like that segment.

Oh!

Shit!

I'm sorry.

Damn.

Why not?

What is it about?

I actually, Jules, I'll actually defend you.

I do think there are some people.

I don't get it as much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think there's some people.

Here's the thing.

you guys used to do what you guys did what like the boy band one?

Yeah, yeah, I cracked me up.

Yeah, fantasy bad boys at one point

to me.

Fantasy fuckboys is like

I think a lot of people love it.

I think there are people who hate it, but to me, it's like it's three minutes long, so it doesn't like if you if you're like fantasy fuckboys sucks, like just skip ahead.

But you know what I mean?

If it was like the whole show, I'd be like, yeah, that's fair critique.

But I forgot to mention, I wasn't a fantasy football player either.

Yeah.

So now that I'm

two of my things.

Maybe that's why you don't get it.

Yeah.

No, you just don't get the joke.

I don't get it.

We don't need it.

It's really advanced humor, so you probably.

It's too high level.

It's above me.

We're a football player, so you probably don't get the fact that we're just

doing Italian accents and screaming nonsense.

It's also one of those jokes that we started doing.

I don't even remember when or why, but we just, you know,

you got to play the hits every now and then.

It also brings energy to the studio.

Yeah.

Yeah, watch it.

You're going to watch it live.

Should we do it?

Let's see you guys do it.

All right.

Fantasy fuckboys, week one.

Do you guys get the music on, too?

No, no.

Now we put that as a business.

We used to.

We used to.

No, I don't think so.

Oh, maybe not.

Yeah.

All right.

This is not going to all know.

My name's Mario Didario.

My startup's spit.

Mario?

Spit is.

Spit is.

Spit is.

Season of spit.

Spit on your boy.

Yeah.

Spit on your friends.

Spit on your co-star.

Spit on your girlfriends.

What about your cock?

What about your own cock?

Spit everywhere.

Great lubricant.

Fucking spit season.

Hell yeah.

Okay.

Drink it through.

My sinem is Christian Kirk.

Oh, fuck that guy.

Forget about it.

I'm team old legs, guys, trash.

And my sleep is chilly.

Yeah.

I bought a crock pot.

Yeah.

I'm going to try and make some chili this weekend.

Fuck you.

Yeah, you did that too.

Mario to Mario.

You put the Sunday gravy.

Pray for Mario's butthole.

Oh, he's going to be pooping all day.

Go ahead.

No, you go.

Noah, you go.

No, you go.

No, you go last.

He goes last.

He goes last.

You go.

He goes last.

Noah, you go.

What's up, you dick suckers?

It's Vinny Value Jet.

What's up, Vinny?

Hey, I'm starting the Acquia Hava Patriot Day 9-11 brunch.

You guys see the advertisement for that?

It looked delicious.

They had the Flight 93 redirect crab dip and the Pentagon pie served up hot.

How about that?

That's a real thing that they actually had.

That was really weird.

Steady for the condoleezza rice pudding and the building seven left in.

My sim, I'm sitting any conversations with John Cena for the next month.

Dude, if you see John Cena, walk the other way.

Do not pass go.

Do not collect $200.

The queen's dead.

Don't talk to John.

Yeah, fuck you, Johnny.

My sleeper is Damian Pierce.

This one gets it.

Yeah.

Sorry.

What's he getting?

Damian Pierce.

Damian Pierce.

He can write.

He can tote the rot.

That's all you need.

That's V.

That's my sleeper.

Give Damian Pierce the fucking football.

Yeah.

All right, what's up, you fuckheads?

It's Vito Papa Chiso.

My stardom is Jerry Seinfeld in his new kick line.

He looks like he's about to go to a local high school and hit on some chicks.

Jerry would never do that.

He's a stand-up guy.

Nah, speaking of pedophiles, my sinem is Prince Andrew.

He's kind of fucked.

His mom died.

Who's going to take care of him now?

Shit.

Hit him with the trio.

My sleeper, Russ Wilson.

Who what's the trio?

Give me some help.

Who's the trio?

The trio is Jeffrey Ebson.

Oh, he's dead.

He sleeps with the fishes.

Yeah, fuck him.

My sleeper is Russell Wilson.

He's going to go off on Monday night.

Broncos, Paace Calvacchiamo.

That was less rather than Italian.

What's up, sick?

Those Broncos are fucking up.

What's up, sick fucks?

It's Gio Garino.

My stadim is Mike Kosicki.

He's really good.

I think he's going to have a breakout game.

My sit him is Bill de Blasio.

He's a fake-ass Italian, and I'm glad he's gone.

And my sleeper is Queen Elizabeth.

She sleeps with the fishes.

Oh, rest in peace, Queen.

Queen.

RIP.

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This is fantastic.

I cannot wait to upload all my cards to Curve.

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That's fantastic.

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I cannot wait to use this.

This is an invention that has been long overdue in my life.

I'm going to download Curve today.

I'm going to start using it.

It's football season.

So if I'm buying beer, snacks, new couch, whatever it is, if I'm using a card for any purchase, I'm going to be using Curve.

So how'd you grade that, Jules?

Don't answer.

I get it.

You don't get it.

You're from the West Coast.

You don't get it.

You don't understand it.

You don't catch it.

You're talking

You don't get any value jet.

You want Colton.

You don't bitch.

You get it, bitch.

You fuck her.

You need a Valley girl watching the business.

We'll fucking take a baseball batch in your car, bitch.

Just have dinner in the North End, bro.

I'm fucking the full East Coast of Titan out here.

By the way, I have a stat I forgot to mention.

Speaking of the Queen, RAP, someone, this comes from Colton Smith on Twitter.

Texas has never lost to Alabama when Queen Elizabeth is not on the throne.

They lost to Alabama in 1902, 1915, 1922, 1948.

Texas only lost, or that they beat Alabama then.

Texas only lost to Alabama as 2010 when the queen was on the throne.

Interesting.

Texas is back.

Texas is back.

They're back.

All they needed was the queen to die, and they're back.

Those things are related.

Also,

so Buffalo is the queen city.

That's its nickname.

We know Cincinnati.

is also a queen city.

Charlotte is a queen city.

I think we got to we bet on all the queen cities.

What defines a queen city?

It's just call it the queen city.

There's just a bunch of different cities that are nicknamed the queen city.

Jay, can you look up and find out what other queen cities?

We need to know that going into this weekend.

Yeah, real quick.

This is very important.

Queen City bet.

Queen City bet.

I like that.

Also, I've made my game of the year Saturday night in Memoriam to Queen Elizabeth.

So if she is as big of an AWL as I think she is, she'll be helping me.

Angels in the Outfield kind of thing.

There's like 30 of them.

Okay.

Okay.

Just going down the line.

Which ones have NFL teams?

Denver.

Okay.

But they're playing Monday.

But put it in the parlay.

Okay.

Buffalo.

You have one.

Charlotte.

Yeah.

Okay.

Cincinnati.

Yeah.

Well, this is awkward.

Seattle as well.

So we can't bet that one.

Tie.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

All right.

That's tie.

All right, that was it.

For NFL.

Okay, so we just, we do Cincinnati, Charlotte.

Parlayed with a tie.

Parlayed with a tie.

Yeah, that's good odds.

That's really good odds.

Hey, Jules, you want to pick a number just for fun?

Because you never got to pick a number.

Pick a number?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Imagine which number you think Hank would pick, and then don't do that one.

Zero to 100.

Zero to 100.

If he gets this, it's going to be awesome.

This will be so awesome.

What is the who's going to be a number of people?

Just pick a number.

Just pick a number.

What's the number?

Just any number.

You're asking too many questions.

Just pick the number that's going to come.

I feel like I'm in the fucking Sesame shoot.

What's that?

Yeah, you're going to be able to get it.

Oh, 11.

What are you guys picking?

Well, we are here for the end.

It's just a bonus.

Oh, no.

Hank just threw a five.

Hank's never won this.

69.

We've had this for two years, Jules.

Is that 69?

53?

I guess 53 earlier today.

Fuck.

53?

Yeah.

Time travels.

We're close.

What am I, Jake?

Like, 300?

Yeah, so we've had...

We've had this lottery machine.

I bought this thing from China for like three grand.

Best investment I've ever made.

Paramount Plus is on there.

Yeah, they sponsor.

That's tight.

Yeah.

And we've all gotten it right at least once.

Hank has not.

Wow.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah.

You get two?

I've gotten multiple.

Yeah.

So that means two.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've gotten four.

Four?

Yeah.

A few.

Hank has zero.

Never got it.

Watch, watch.

Hank, guess a number.

11.

He's going to get it wrong.

He's going to get it wrong.

He gets it wrong every time.

He's on real.

He's never gotten it right.

I think statistically.

We could do this forever and he'll never get it.

not even close.

Not even close.

What is that?

I don't know, but I know it's not even close.

I wonder what the stat is.

58, not even close.

68 and 58.

Hank, not even close.

Guess again, Hank.

Guess one more.

One more for

12.

I hope it's 11.

He can't.

He'll never get it.

He can't help himself.

It's insane how bad he is.

He loves getting it away.

I saw it.

It's gone.

What do we got?

What do we got?

21.

Oh, it's a great

option.

27.

27.

It's hard to reach Patwaters.

Yeah.

All right.

Jules, you're the best, man.

Thank you, Jules.

You like the bills, bro.

Thank you.

Everyone, go download Games with Names.

Games with Names.

And we're going to be on an episode coming up.

They'll probably never release it, but.

No, we will.

I don't even think they turned the cameras on for mine.

So

it was a nice prank.

No,

the cameras were broken that day.

Yeah.

But Games with Names, awesome podcast.

He's had Eli on, Peyton on, PFT and I are coming up.

Who else is on?

Brewski was on?

Brewski.

We've had Vic.

We had...

What game did you ask Vic about?

We talked about his college.

Oh,

nice.

Yeah.

Yes.

So, yeah, check it out.

Very cool idea.

Just awesome.

Memory podcast.

Yeah.

With the people who lived it.

People who lived it, people that, you know, celebrities like yourselves.

No, we're not.

Big time celebs.

I'm actually in the player category, even though I didn't get any minutes in that game.

Yeah.

He he was on the team.

You were on the bench, right?

Yeah, but the bench counts.

Hey, it counts.

Yeah, that's.

I mean, look, you know, you were on the bench for a long time.

Special teams.

Got to make them, baby.

Before we get to the weekend preview, it's brought to you by our friends at Game Time, the exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports.

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Okay,

time for week one.

You just heard us talk about Thursday night football, but week one is finally here.

Football is all the way back.

We're going to do it like we did last year.

We're going to go through the board.

We're going to talk about each game.

Everyone's going to pick an underdog,

favorite, an over and under.

And at the end of the season, we have a punishment.

So

before we do our picks and discuss week one and give a preview that is always wrong,

this is the part of the show in football season.

I love doing Monday shows.

Friday shows, I'll get to Sunday

around six o'clock, and someone will tweet me being like, nice call, dude.

I'm like, wait, what are they doing?

That was two days ago.

You're like, huh?

Give me a break.

Okay, yeah.

I don't even remember.

Sorry, I missed my call last year.

What have you done for me lately, League, right now?

So, as far as I'm concerned, if you listen to Friday's show on Sunday night, that's on you.

You're a fucking weirdo.

Yeah, did you hear?

My brain is starting to escape me, but

do do you remember Donny Brasco?

Of course.

Did we ever interview him?

Yeah.

Yeah, I didn't remember that.

Yeah, recurring guests.

I actually completely forgot.

Hank told me about that yesterday.

But that's just like completely out of my mind.

That's actually, it's a testament to Donny Brasco.

If you're undercover in the mob, you should be able to forget that guy's face and move on.

If they ever come up to you, be like, hey, who's that Joe Pistone?

I'm like, never heard of him.

No, don't know him.

Yeah.

Omerto.

I'm actually just being honest because my brain just lost that fact.

Yeah, we would be great in the mob just because of all the all the damaging things we've done to our brain over the years.

Yes.

All right, so punishment.

Everyone can chime in.

We got to decide what the punishment is.

It should be a punishment that people don't want to do this.

Don't want to do.

I've gone very hard.

Don't want to do.

I do think that if we want to add a second place element that was very fun.

Does anyone want to start?

Anyone got an idea to start us off?

I got one.

I think it'd be fun if the person that came in last place had to get addicted to cigarettes.

Ooh.

So you have to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day for a month.

Okay.

I think that'd be fun.

Okay.

Just get somebody's veto.

Somebody's smoking.

All right, there's his veto.

You use your one veto.

But

I don't think Jake gets a veto on that.

Well, no, no.

Because, Jake, we could do something different with you.

No, he used his veto.

I think someone has to, the loser has to adopt.

He has to be the same for everyone.

Well, I was going to say the loser.

Yeah, it has to be the same for everyone.

Everyone gets one veto.

So now that you've used your veto, Jake, I'm going to say the loser has to adopt St.

Bernard.

Fuck yeah.

Yeah, no doubt.

I mean, you're going to run into the same problem as last year.

Me and Billy are absolutely going to tank.

No, that was a joke.

That was just a joke about him being allergic.

Yeah.

Take the ACT or SAT.

Classic.

That's a classic.

I have a couple.

What about...

Okay, yeah, keep going.

Okay.

Wait, let me get back.

All right, okay.

So take the SAT or ACC, ACT.

I also had take a college class and you have to pass.

So if you don't pass, you have to retake it.

Okay.

You have to keep taking it until you pass um that's that's a good idea yeah now are you allowed to do that something that can i just enroll in a class though like could i can like part of hold on hang on real quick could i enroll in like rutgers and they just let me take one class yeah i think so i think you can just do that can i take get like my master's one-year course

now you're trying to expense these are just ideas i'm throwing them out i have a ton of ideas hank we we will we'll have i had look i have a ton of ideas i i had the take and pass college course someone has to wear a puka shell necklace for a year.

Fuck that.

PFT would lose on parallel.

Oh, shit.

I didn't even realize you were wearing that.

I'm bringing it back.

Eat your weight and chicken wings, and you can't eat any other food until you eat your weight and chicken wings.

Hard to follow.

That's actually pretty healthy.

That's a video.

So

how much does 50 chicken wings weigh?

I don't know, but this is just an idea.

Like, you have to basically, you can't have any other food until you've finished your entire weight and chicken wings.

Okay.

What happens when you go home?

What do you mean?

Like from work?

Yeah.

You have to post every meal that you eat.

Yeah, you can't eat.

You have to just keep eating chicken wings.

And it actually shouldn't be, it doesn't have to be weight.

It has to be like however much you weigh.

So like I'm weighing 240-ish.

I'd have to eat 240 chicken wings.

So we're not going to weigh them.

Oh, so it's just the amount of weights.

Okay.

But that's a lot.

You can knock that out in a week.

Yeah.

So basically, you have to eat chicken wings for a week.

You can't, you're done when you're done.

The other food challenge I had was last place.

So let's say

just round numbers, first place has 50 wins, last place, you know, I think we did a half a win for a push.

So let's say first place has 50 wins, last place has 50.

Last year, Hank had 42, and Billy had 35.

Okay, so 42, 35, Billy was last place.

He'd have to eat seven hot dogs every day for an entire week.

So whatever the distance is, and then second place also.

So what was second place?

40.

So they'd have to eat two and a half hot dogs every day for an entire week.

These are, again, I'm just throwing out ideas.

I have a ton of them.

So I had one that was The Loser Can't Watch the Super Bowl.

Yeah, I'm not DeLoser.

The loser would, you can listen to it.

Vito.

Okay, going down further with this, you could have Joey from Out and About describe what was happening in the Super Bowl to you while you were

in the same room.

Well, we can't do it.

They could.

Well, no, we have to have it be the same for everyone because it's a whole show.

Or you have to listen to it in Spanish and figure out what's going on.

That's part of my take after.

The loser has to complete the entire NFL combine.

Yeah.

Billy wants to do it.

That's Wonderlick.

And the Wonderlick.

Yeah, High Key.

They know everything.

And we get someone to interrogate, like do draft questions.

Yeah, so all right, that one's off.

What about Billy wants to do it?

Loser has to get a full panel STD test and publicize the results.

So

if you got HPV,

does not want to do this

use your veto, Billy.

Use your veto.

Use your veto.

You know what?

There's no shame in it.

I had loser gets bit by a snake when we're in Arizona.

Non-venomous?

Non-venomous.

Billy, again,

Billy likes too many of these things.

Okay, what about, all right,

this one really sucks.

Loser and Billy, Billy would probably be the best suited for this, but loser has to complete a marathon in an actual marathon with no training.

That sucks.

Sucks.

That's a really bad one, and that would be funny.

Wait, what do you mean with no training?

Like you can't, you can't like do like distance training and shit beforehand.

Like you have to just show up to a marathon.

We'll actually find.

That's the best way to do it.

We'll find like the closest.

We'll figure out what the

closest marathon is because they run them all the time in like small towns and shit.

And we will enter you into the marathon like immediately after.

What's the time limit on that?

Like do most marathons just close or can you just keep going until it's over?

like until you're done yeah no you could like you could walk part of it but you have to complete the marathon all right let me see upcoming marathons in arizona

someone has to i mean this one's bad not exactly the best climate to do it in well in the winter come on it's winter it's a dry heat anyway another one was someone has to spend a weekend homeless in new york city that that's kind of that will get we'll get canceled for that What?

Like surviving?

Like that guy?

That's like cosplaying as like a homeless person.

Well, my first idea was survive in the wilderness, but I thought you guys would be like

memes said to winnable.

Meme says that the loser has to apply.

You dominated that last time you did that.

I did.

That's why I got voted out.

Meme said the loser has to apply to go on the bachelor.

Like make a full application for that.

That one's pretty bad.

You guys won't do that, though.

If you guys got in, I would do it.

The bachelor?

Yeah.

Just be like, I'm married.

I got two kids.

I'm here to fuck.

My idea was something along the lines of like

a live stream where

it's maybe like minimum 12 hours, and then it's like depending on, you know, if if there's if the viewers are subscribing in real time and the number goes up, that tacks on like an extra whatever, 10, 20, 30 seconds, and the stream can go upwards of 24 hours.

And there's like maybe a we do like a wheel or some type of selection of things where it's like there's a very limited amount of things you can do.

You're in a room with a very small amount of things you can do for that 12 hours.

And that way, it's like something people can watch along for.

And then, if they want you to stay in and like

make the stream last, then the viewers have some power themselves too.

And it's like it's a 24-hour

potentially a 24-hour stream.

You're thinking content.

You're thinking like exclusive content.

What if there was a stream and you had to stay on the stream until you shit yourself?

Too easy.

Yeah.

What if we did?

I don't hate hate that one, but what if it was like we made like one of those white-padded rooms that you like, there's nothing in it.

Solitary can be a little bit different.

You just watch someone lose their mind for 24 hours.

Like they can sleep, but they don't have a phone.

They don't have a book.

They don't have anything.

And they can't see the chat.

They can't do anything.

Yeah, I mean, that would be.

That would be hellacious.

By the way, I looked up, there's a Mesa marathon the Saturday,

so it would be like nine days before the Super Bowl, February 4th, in Maricopa County, Arizona.

Half marathon?

Full marathon.

Half marathon?

Full marathon.

I'm vetoing full marathon.

There is a wow.

Oh, wow.

Everyone gets one.

Okay.

All right.

There is a half marathon.

It would just be so fucking boring to do a full marathon.

Yeah, these are all, these are all shitty things.

Waffle house challenge where you have to eat 24 waffles.

I don't want to steal from somebody else.

Yeah, I don't want to.

Other people have done that one before.

Here's a couple more that I had.

I like the idea, though, Billy.

I just don't want to take from, because that went viral last year with some other, I forget what it was.

It was like a podcast or something that did it.

Loser has to get a cat.

Ooh.

I'd be down for that.

As long as everyone else has to do it, I'm 100% down.

Here's a couple others that I had.

You guys wouldn't do it.

Loser has to run for public office.

They can decide what they want to run for, but they have to earnestly run for public office.

Like that would kind of suck.

So that would suck because there's depending on where you ran, there is a chance that you're running, and then you have to do that.

Correct.

Correct.

Or resign and decision you have to earnestly run for public office so you can't be like uh like half-assed like we would judge you and if you did if you maybe maybe if you didn't if we ever thought you weren't earnestly running you have to do like the solitary confinement you know what i'm bringing back the bull moose party

or yeah you do the solitary or solitary confinement but all you have is like a giant puzzle and maybe that's the that could be good i i think if we're doing solitary we got to go True solitary

yeah, but like people are watching and it's like what about give them something to here's a couple others I guess not.

Yeah, no, I mean, I like that idea.

That's definitely at the top of my list right now.

Uh, loser has to pay for everything Super Bowl week in pennies,

so they just have to carry around an entire bag of pennies everywhere they go.

And if they want a cup of coffee, they have to try to pay in pennies.

That would be just funny.

Just not buying it.

That would be very funny.

I feel like that's rude to the businesses where

good point, Jake.

Money's money, Jake.

Okay.

This one's really fucked up, and it would take forever, but I think it would be funny.

Loser has to

beat Kareem's all-time point record.

So we just put him in a gym, and they have to score 38,388 points.

I love that application.

And the second place, but

here's a couple.

Here's two things that really suck for it.

You can't shoot in the paint.

Oh, fuck.

So you can't take layups.

And the second place person has to rebound.

Or no, maybe

the second place person gets to shoot.

the last place has to rebound.

I think it's more frustrating if it's last place has to shoot.

No, I think it's way worse to rebound.

Could you imagine rebounding for that long?

No, I think the mental torture of just of missing all those shots over and over and over again, because you also feel like you're responsible for the guy that's rebounding at that point.

I think it'd be very boring, but oh, I think rebounding would be so much worse.

So 38,000 points.

What if it was like that would take forever?

Forever.

That would take forever.

The other forever I had,

loser has to

get 10,000 points in bowling.

So I did the math.

If you averaged 150 each round,

it would take like 24 hours.

24 hours of non-stop bowling.

Non-stop bowling.

Our arms would fall.

Our arms would actually fall.

They're pretty good, right?

Those are pretty good.

At hour 16, can we start using the kiddie ramp?

No bumpers.

No bumpers.

You You know the kitty ramp?

Yeah, I know the kitty ramp.

Oh, what we could do, we could combine those two.

Second place gets 12 hours to see how many points they can get in bowling, and that will come off the points of Kareem.

I just think that...

I don't think the Kareem one is

doable.

It would be so funny, though.

I mean,

you could stretch that out, though.

Yeah.

But bowling would be funny because it would basically be like, you have to go to the bowling alley.

You cannot leave until you have 10,000 points.

so yeah like i said i think i did the math right if you averaged 150 each time

i'm a huge fan of the bowling and the basketball i think the basketball one would just take it would take weeks 150 66 so it would be 66 games of bowling that's not that much i mean it would take probably 15 minutes yeah but the fatigue's gonna set in divided by four so it's if you if it if you did 15 minutes it would take 16 hours at 150 a clip.

But

what about the Kareem?

What about the basketball

bowling?

The basketball.

That one I feel like would take 10.

If you had 100 threes, you're only at 300.

I think that one is just too ridiculous to the point where...

I love that one, though.

Yeah, I agree.

I think I would quit.

Again,

these aren't all great ideas.

I was just, I was brain dumping torturous punishments.

I like the basketball and the bowling one because it kind of combines with mine where it's like that could easily be live streamed.

It's like

people just watching you try and score.

All right, let's figure out the basketball.

So let's say, so how many,

how many, like, let's say you're shooting free throws.

You can't shoot in the paint.

How many do you think you would make in like an hour?

I don't know.

I can't even begin to estimate.

Maybe

50?

Wait, 60?

No, baskets?

So you're not rebounding?

No, someone else is rebounding.

So I don't know, maybe like 100?

I'd say it'd be more, right?

I don't play baskets.

Yeah, if you're shooting layups, you can probably get up

400 shots up.

Yeah, if you can shoot, or sorry, if you're shooting free throws, you could probably shoot

free throw every five seconds, right?

Yeah, but that slows down, too, after a while.

Of course, it does.

Yeah.

So, all right, I'm just going to do, someone else have an idea they can throw out there.

I'm just trying to do some quick math.

The last 15 minutes of practice was 100 free throws.

19,000.

My other idea was like something, since we're going to be in Arizona, like some type of

Tabillies too, like you have to be in the desert, surrounding the desert for 12 hours.

You have to take Peyote in the desert.

Well, Jake's, you can't, you guys are doing stuff Jake's never going to do.

Jake, would you take Peyote, Jake?

No.

Go on a spirit quest?

No.

But I feel bad if I'm holding everyone back.

Yeah.

How about Colorado River Toad?

What about

Venom?

The Grand Canyon.

Something with the Grand Canyon.

But I think just having to walk across a desert for 12 hours is pretty fucking bad.

That is bad.

Like a get-home, home, drop them off in the middle of nowhere.

I kind of like that, yeah.

You could camp overnight, too, is what I was thinking.

That was yeah,

and like actually camp and like build a fire and shit.

You have to sneak over the border?

You get dropped off in Mexico and

have to sneak, have to get back to Arizona?

So if you made 50% of your free throws and you shot one every five seconds, it would take you 53 hours to beat Kareem.

Yeah, I think that's

so

I think bowling's more realistic yeah bowling's definitely more

again I'm just doing I was just fighting I think I think it's a possibility but we need to we need to change the target on it and say like

I don't know who's got the most points in college basketball history okay yeah that's probably Kareem yeah yeah that's true most points college basketball hitchhiked the Super Bowl

hitchhike you'd probably want to do that but yeah what do you think about getting dropped off in Mexico and having to sneak across our border

into the United States?

I think that would

go under the cosplay thing as well.

But, I mean, I don't hate it.

It's actually probably too easy.

Oh, yeah, it's way too easy.

Yeah, right, Billy.

Yeah, exactly.

If you did, if you combine the bowling and

Kareem.

3667.

36.67.

That's, I mean, that's way more.

That's almost too easy.

That's way too easy.

We could combine the bowling and the shooting.

So, like I said, you do someone has to, second place has to bowl for 12 hours, and then you take that off the total.

And then the other person has to shoot

till he beats Kareem.

Thoughts.

I like the idea of having them joined in the same punishment, though.

Like,

making it easy to explain and being like, they have to do the same thing.

I like the basketball.

I would almost say like if we can find a different point total to hit.

Yeah.

10,000 points.

Kobe, what's your

joint solitary confinement?

24 hours?

No, that would.

Oh, my God.

Murder.

Because the second place I think has to not have as bad,

but

still bad.

All right.

Well, we have some ideas.

I mean, do we want to decide right now or do we want to

do we want to make a decision right now?

Tell you what, let's also open it up to the AWLs.

Okay.

If they have any suggestions for what the punishment should be, let us know.

I think the 10,000 points in bowling would be pretty funny.

And it would be about 16 hours.

So you would basically just have to be there for an entire day.

We find a bowling alley that will stay open.

And you just have to, and maybe

the second place has to sit there and

doesn't get to bowl.

Just watch?

Yeah, and just watch.

Because that would suck, too.

Can you order food?

Yeah, you can order food.

Can you expense that food?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

We have some good ideas.

I think bowling probably is up there.

The marathon you vetoed, but that would.

I think

pennies would be pretty funny.

Okay, so I might retract my veto on the marathon.

Because it's not as bad as some of the other ones.

Right.

And I think it would be pretty funny to have to go to the Super Bowl and run a marathon with no training.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Okay.

All right.

Well,

let's table it and we'll figure it out because it's not, you know, there's four games we're picking right now.

So nothing's going to really change.

We'll hear what people say.

Maybe we'll finalize it to four and put it up for a vote next Thursday.

Yeah, that sounds good.

That's good.

All right.

But just know that we're going to pick something that everybody will hate to do.

Yes, exactly.

Like they have to be dreading doing it and it will just suck really, really bad.

That's why I think the rebounding should be last place because it really would, if you have to stand there and rebound and you can't shoot a ball, imagine just being in a room with a ball and you're not allowed to shoot it.

Yeah.

That will drive you insane.

that would that would be bad but i also think that the person that's shooting is gonna just that's gonna weigh on them to be like it's on me to get us out of this room yeah you're gonna go through some cold streaks and it's gonna feel like you're gonna be trapped in this room forever yeah i'll i'll crunch some numbers on the basketball maybe we'll change it to a number that uh is like they have to pretty much shoot 50 for like 18 hours or something to get it yeah what's um what are lebron's LeBron's pretty close.

LeBron's, what about just his playoff points?

Yeah.

All right.

Well, we'll figure it out.

Let's do some picks let's do some picks does anyone have anything that they like to at the top just so we can tell people like I guess marathon's a good idea marathon

vetoing it to now I think bowling kind of endorsing I think bowling marathon basketball points that we can decide a point total that's that's reasonable bowling or basketball would be better for the viewer yeah I think a marathon would get boring for a viewer yeah just watching us walk Should we just do that?

Should we just say

also how do you film a marathon?

Yeah.

Desert.

10,000 points would be a lot, too.

I mean, that would be...

I'm going to crunch those numbers real quick.

So if I did that.

10,000 basketball points?

10,000 basketball points.

And everything's twos and threes.

Everything's twos and threes, nothing in the paint.

Maybe 10,000 basketball points, and you can't, and you have to shoot like 10 feet away at every time.

Yeah.

I'd be shooting threes.

Seven.

Yeah, I mean, threes would be analytics, right?

Yeah.

Makes sense.

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't think I'd ever get out of that gym.

I don't play basketball.

I mean, what do you want?

What if we made like half court, like 10?

I mean, that would suck for the rebounder.

Yeah.

That would be really bad for the rebounder.

What about paintball firing squad?

Oh, yeah.

Paintball hunt someone in a paintball?

Oh, yes.

They don't get a gun.

I think longevity is what is truly like...

The dreadful part of this like a quick punishment that like a paintball firing squad would be temporary pain, but like something where it's like, I don't want to do this, and I have

at least 10 hours still before I could possibly even be done with this is much, much more of a punishment and like something you don't want to happen.

What about like a paintball firing squad?

It's like, all right, I lost, I'm going to suck it up, take these paintballs, and then it's over.

10 hours, most dangerous game, hunting a person.

Wait, like actually, that the

loser gets hunted.

The loser gets hunted.

What about

rollerblading from San Diego to Los Angeles?

I like that one.

As a duo.

By the way, the basketball, if we did.

What?

Oh!

Go ahead.

The loser in second place.

Tandem bike

around New York.

Wait, is it going to be raining?

Yeah.

If it's on a Friday and it's raining, I don't.

That would be tough.

The trails get muddy.

Did the Chicklets do that?

Did Grinelli do that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, he did did a city bite.

He did a rollerblading.

He did a city bite.

If we did 10,000 points in basketball, it would take about

15 hours

if you shot 50%.

I like that.

I mean, that's pretty good.

You think we would shoot 50%?

I don't know.

I mean, 50 from free throw is like, it's not.

Yeah, 50 from free throw.

Yeah.

What if the loser

has to write a book and get it published?

That seems like you want to do that.

No, I know.

That's not good for the viewer.

Yeah.

For the consumer.

For the reader.

For the reader.

Yeah.

But I feel like they want to see us struggle.

Yeah, Hank, use your veto on that.

Vito.

Okay,

cat bet.

It's a million times easier for you to write that.

Yeah, let's do

bowling or basketball.

Yeah, bowling or basketball.

I think we can combine them too.

I'll think about it more.

I think it's something where, like, the second-place person has to bowl to get a point total off of the...

Because actually, it would be even more torturous if the last place person had to rebound for themselves.

I also don't hate the idea of the live stream in a room with solitary confinement going on.

But with maybe one thing that you can do.

That would really drive.

Okay, nice.

What?

Bonk.

Put it on the list.

Also, if we're going to have two people, should we have the bottom two do it?

Because we couldn't root for our picks until like the last week.

The second place is chaos.

But it's not.

enjoyable for the first 15 weeks.

Right, but then it gets chaotic.

Yeah.

Very chaotic.

But like you could root hardcore for your picks through a whole season.

Either way, I think we have some good.

I I think we have some good options.

Yeah, but then if you're up by like five games, you're not worried about it.

It's fun.

Yeah,

we'll tweak it.

We'll tweak it, and then we will put it up to an AWL vote next week.

What about the loser has to go all the way around the world without using a cell phone?

That sucks.

How do we do the podcast?

To record.

Well, you don't use a cell phone to record the podcast.

Basically, you just have to take like three flights.

on a like weekend.

That would suck.

Yeah, I mean, if I did that, I'd be gone for a month.

That would be funny.

Like, Hank would be funny.

Yeah, no, yeah, like, that's

not a close to that.

I'm just like, full, full disclosure, if I'm going across to Europe, like, I'm, I'm gonna.

Also, Hank would just sleep on the plane, so he'd be fine.

What if you okay?

You have to go around the world, you can't use a plane or a phone.

That would take so long.

Just boats and trains, man.

I mean, I'm down for that.

Like, see, it takes so long.

Actually, I'm just talking myself into another.

It's a road trip again.

Yeah, yeah, that's another one.

Except a cooler, maybe an all-time road trip.

Way cooler cooler road trip.

All right, well, we'll put up to a vote.

We have some good ideas.

We'll tweak them to see, because I think it's like it's got to be in that like 12 to 16 hour, 12 to 18 hour range where it's like enough time, but it doesn't, it's not so long that people will like be like, this is so stupid.

Yeah.

Okay, let's do some picks, though.

Let's do some picks.

We'll talk about all the games.

Let's start with our favorites.

I love all the underdogs this week, by the way.

Yeah, there's only one favorite that I like.

Yeah, there's, I think this is the most most underdogs that have ever happened in a week one since 1978.

So I think there's 11

underdogs.

Or sorry, home underdogs.

Okay.

Home underdogs, yeah, obviously.

16 underdogs.

16, yeah.

Home underdogs since

1978.

Like the board is just littered with home underdogs.

Hank, you want to start with your favorite?

Sure.

Max is in this as well, obviously.

And if the line changes, I'm using the live Barcelona Sportsbook line, so I'll correct.

Okay, you did.

All right, great, perfect.

My favorite, I'm torn between two, but I'm going to go with our guy, Jameis, Saints, minus five and a half.

Okay.

Yeah, that's, I mean, it's a lot of points on the road, but I like it.

Also, this is the start.

Falcons.

Falcons.

This is the start of Jameis attempting to be the first quarterback ever to defeat every bird team in a season.

He's got the opportunity.

If it flies, it dies.

Jameis Winston taking on the bird gauntlet.

We're going to keep updating that as the year goes along.

And I think week one with a a new quarterback, like you just never know.

It could be a complete disaster.

I actually have the Falcons, but yeah, I can get to my reasoning when we get the underdogs.

But I do think the Saints are going to be, like, I don't hate the Saints to win the NFC South.

I think their defense is going to be very, very good.

And it feels like

they, like, I mean, I've always, I kind of shit on Drew Brees towards the end of his career.

But if Jameis could stay healthy for the entire season, like, they have a roster.

I also think that Sean Payton might be doing like some shadow coaching this year because the the way that he left, right?

He left thinking that he was going to get the Miami job and he's probably going to get the Dallas job next year, but he was planning on coaching football this year.

Yeah.

And so he's still like very in tune.

It's his predecessor, like that he hand-selected almost, that's taking over the team.

I think Sean Payton's still definitely involved in this.

I can't wait to see the Kevin James movie about this in like six years.

Yes.

All right, Max, your favorite, favorite?

This is pretty easy.

I'm going to go Birds minus four.

Eagles minus four against the Lions.

Lions are the hard knocks.

Darling.

Everyone loves the Lions this year.

Underrated team.

Underrated team from everybody.

Birds are going to put

that on right away.

I feel like the Eagles are not underrated, though.

No, he's saying the Lions.

Everyone's saying the Lions are their dark horse team to be.

Oh, everyone's saying that the Lions are the underrated team.

Yeah, I get that a little bit.

I've heard a lot of people like, and I'm not talking about Big Head here, but I have heard a lot of people in the national media say like the Eagles.

Yes, Chargers, Eagles, Vikings.

Chargers, Eagles, and the Vikings are the three this year.

Yeah.

That like too many people and the Bills, but Rupert Bills.

Those are the favorites.

Yeah.

But those are really the four teams that everybody's hyping up.

I don't hate it, though, because I like your logic that everyone is rooting for.

I'm obviously very biased.

I'm going to pick myself up.

Everyone's rooting for the Lions.

Does it change your opinion at all knowing that the Eagles will be part of the can't lose parlay?

No.

Love it.

Love it.

Love that.

Okay.

Love it.

We have conflicting parts.

Oh, it's going to be in your Hungry Dog.

Okay.

All right.

PFT, your favorite, favorite.

Okay, my favorite.

This one was easy.

This one was easy for me.

I don't know what you guys were looking at, but my card, it popped out at me.

Titans, minus five and a half at home against the Giants.

I think the Giants are big, stinky poop.

Saquon.

Yeah.

I think they're big, stinky poop, though.

And I think that the Titans, we have a bad taste in our mouth from them from last year in the playoffs.

They were the number one seed, and they did play the most players in the history of the NFL on their roster.

And they have Mike Rabel.

I don't think that Ryan...

I've never said Ryan Tannehill is bad.

I say that he is just like not as good as some people think that he is.

And

he'll never be,

what are the kids saying?

He'll never be him.

He'll never be him.

Right?

He's not Ryan Tannehill.

He's never next up.

He's never next up.

He's never that guy.

He's never built different.

I think he's definitely good enough.

He's got some dog in him.

Yeah.

He's got like a little, like a little boxer in him.

Yeah, for sure.

Absolutely.

He's good enough to beat the Giants who I think are going to be very bad this year by six points at home.

Okay, Okay, my favorite is the Broncos minus six and a half.

Monday Night Football.

I just, I feel like Russ is going to, like, I know that obviously every game he tries, but this is going to be a game that he's like, hey, Nathaniel Hackett, like, can you please showcase me throwing it deep constantly to prove what they're missing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, Russ has been pretty pissed off about the Seahawks for a couple years.

Yeah.

We had a debate.

I can't remember what show, but do you think he's going to get booed?

No.

No.

Seattle loves him because...

I don't think so either.

I've i've said no but i've heard a lot of people be like yeah they should boo no seattle they love him because he's the guy that brought a super cool to seattle like no one else has ever been able to do that correct and so that's what i i agree with you on that yeah he's got a pass for life we have two super bowl returning revenge games this week with flacco and russell wilson yeah that's true yeah big time uh all right billy your favorite favorite The Colts, minus seven against the Texans.

This is more because I think the Texans, you know, they've kind of been a dumpster fire last year, but I think the Colts are going to up, pull their starter, put Sam Alleninger in.

He's going to put another touchdown on top.

Wait, do you know who the starter for the Colts is?

You got this.

You got this.

Yeah, I do.

I do.

Yeah, you can.

Because the way that you lost it, come on, Billy.

No, I blanked.

I blanked.

I blanked it.

Freaking Falcons.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

Yep.

Falcons.

Falcons.

The kid from the bank.

I know, but I just blanked.

He went to high school in Philadelphia.

He went to BC.

Yep.

Maddie Ice.

Yeah, there we go.

Maddie Ice Billy.

You had it.

You had it.

All right, Jake, yours.

Mine is also a revenge game.

It is Carolina minus one and a half against the Browns.

Yeah.

Baker is ready.

And we saw memes, I think, sent that quote yesterday, but Nick Chubb, when asked about Baker Mayfield, he's like, we all know Baker, so we don't know what to expect.

Yeah, it's perfect encapsulation.

So meme Mayfield experience.

I think Jeff D.

Lowe has a bet that he's going to put out.

He's going to take a live line on this game, depending entirely on how his first pass goes.

So if Baker's first pass sails, if it misses him by like four feet over the receiver's head, then Jeff D.

Lowe is going to bet the house on the Panthers

on the Browns in that game.

If it connects, then he's going to bet the house on the Panthers because that's how much of a head case Baker can be sometimes.

Yes.

His first through gets in his head.

I like that.

All right, let's do underdogs.

Hank.

A lot of underdogs.

I like a lot of underdogs myself.

With you, Big Cat, I will have the Hungry Dog parlay plus like 17 units last year.

I'm just going to take the biggest one, the Bears.

Yeah.

Seven points week one is a lot.

Frisky.

Frisky.

Trey Lance.

There's a lot of turmoil in San Francisco.

Trey Lance, Jimmy G.

You don't know what's going on.

Seven points.

Again, week one, you never know where things are going to line up.

You never know things, how are we going to shake up?

Seven points is a lot in the NFL.

I also think.

Those are six and a half, I wouldn't take it, but seven is a lot.

Yeah, you also don't know what you're going to get with the coach of the Bears.

Right.

Yeah.

With Eberflues.

Well, no, it's really, I know what we're going to get.

It's not Matt Nagy.

Yeah.

Like I watching them in the preseason, they were doing stuff where it's like, oh, they're kind of doing the small things correctly now.

They're doing competent football.

I don't, they're not going to be good, but I do think they're going to be frisky this year, which means

if I'm right, frisky means covering a lot of spreads and maybe one big win where they were a seven or you know seven plus underdog.

Did you hear, like, there was a reporter that asked Trey Lance about why he's not a captain.

And the question was, like, you ever look at your teammates that got the offensive captain and say, like, what are these bozos doing with the captain's mark?

He was like, no, I know, I don't think that my teammates are bozos.

That's such a weird fucking question to ask.

But it does make a little bit of sense to be like, hey,

you'd ideally like your quarterback to be the captain of the team.

Yes.

But that's something that Colin Coward, I can already tell you right now, Colin Coward's going to be like, he's not a captain.

Yep.

Can't trust him.

Yep.

Yeah, big time.

All right, your underdog, Max.

I'm going to go with Patriots plus 3.5 in Miami.

I looked at the numbers.

Dolphins are getting 65% of the public.

That was alarming.

3.5 is a good number.

Belichick, this is kind of one of the first years it's like, all right, he has his quarterback.

He's had a year to prep with him.

And they're being, I don't know, no one's really talking about the Patriots, and I feel like Belichick's going to get him going.

Yeah, I was also alarmed when you told me the public numbers on that game.

Yes.

Consider me alarmed.

That's my pick as well, is Pokemon's plus three at the Dolphins.

A lot of people are talking about the Dolphins offense.

Show me.

Yeah.

Show me.

Show me.

I agree.

You got to see it first.

I need to believe it.

I need to see it.

Yep.

All right.

So my underdog is the Falcons plus five and a half.

One quick stat.

Divisional Dogs, week one since 2005 are hitting at 61.7%.

So I'm just going with that.

I'm writing the numbers on that.

I think that also

applies to the Vikings and

I don't know what other ⁇ I don't think there's any other teams that are divisional home.

Oh, the Texans as well.

The Texans and the Vikings are also divisional home underdogs.

Okay, Billy.

Go with Jets plus seven against the Ravens.

Yeah, you will.

You got to open with it.

Yeah, you got to open it.

I already took them already, so I'm just going to go down with the ship if it doesn't happen.

But plus seven, Joe Flacco is said to have thrown a veteran ball to his receivers.

Oh, that's how you describe the veteran ball.

A very catchable ball.

Yeah, the way they were describing it made it seem like his ball is better than Zach's ball.

Well, it's just a veteran ball.

The rookie ball will catch up.

And they're going to be emphasizing the,

what is it, contact after five yards?

That was the thing that refs are told to key in on this year, which is just going to make it more annoying, and there's going to be more penalties, and that's right up Flacco's alley.

He's the king of exploiting penalties.

Joe Flacco is is going to throw at least five passes that go 40 yards in the air when they should go 45 yards, and then the receiver is going to get a pass interference penalty called

for him by the defender running into him as he's going back to get the ball.

Yes.

That's what Flacc Wilson does, baby.

Yes.

It's Flacco's team.

I like it.

I don't think that Flacco's like the guy that's going to be...

I'll put it this way.

Flacco wins three out of four games.

You kind of have to keep him in there, right?

Yes.

Right, the hot hand.

That's what I'm rooting for.

I'm rooting for a little controversy.

Well, I like, man, I love Flacco.

Wilson just needs time.

He's got all the intangibles.

He just needs experience and to get comfortable.

And, like, being behind a guy like Flacco would be great.

That's like Aaron Rodgers behind Brett Favre.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also don't really.

The wide receivers for the Ravens, I mean, they don't have Hollywood Brown anymore.

Devin Duvernay, I think, is their...

No, Rashad Bateman, I think, is their wide receiver one.

Devin Duvernay is their wide receiver two.

I want to see that, too.

I want to see what that looks like.

Jake.

I'm going to fade Billy here and take the Texans plus seven at home versus the Colts.

Mills Mafia.

Divisional game, seven points at home.

Texans have the Deshaun thing in the rearview mirror.

No more of a headache.

I think they can win this game.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

I do like it.

I like the division home underdogs.

What do you say, Billy?

Sam Ellinger, homecoming year.

Yeah, you forgot about Sam Ellinger.

When he gets in.

He's back in Texas.

He's going to be put in in the second half.

Fuck.

After that, the starter has to take a seat.

Matt Ryan, I'm really bad with Names.

I do like Damian Pierce.

He's the PFT eyeball player of the year, just for preseason.

So I think that

he might find his way into our little Mount Rushmore bet sooner rather than later.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

All right.

Hank, you're over.

There's two that I love, and just in the sense that they just scream, this should be over, who knows?

I'll probably do some type of balderdate where I combine the two and extend it.

But I'm gonna go with my official pick as the Raiders and Chargers yep that's mine as well 52 Derek Carr MVP yep I have have preseason MVP odds on him

and I mean Justin Herbert everyone loves the Chargers they have Devontae Adams should just be points points points points points

so it's root for points yeah so this I'm gonna say something that doesn't make any sense at all unlike normally but uh Derek Carr he seems like a guy that should not exist in summertime like hot weather well yeah he seems he's like yeah he only

vampire adjacent.

Yeah, he shows up in the fall and the winter.

That's when I can see, that's when I understand Derek Carr as being a human being.

Yep.

In the summertime, I just can't picture him if it's too sunny.

Yeah, all right.

I'm taking the over as well in that game.

Max, what's yours?

Um, I'm taking Steelers-Bengals over 44 and a half.

I'm a believer in Mitch.

I think under a good coach, come back player of the year.

Mitch is going to come out firing, trying to show that he should be the starter and obviously going against Burrow.

I think it's going to be a shootout.

Okay.

I feel so bad for Mitch.

Why?

Just the worst situation you could possibly be in.

Yeah.

But that's also because he hasn't been great.

Well, he was 3-0 on the Bears, got benched.

I think

he brought them to the playoffs.

Right.

And then now he's in a situation where no matter how well he plays, people are going to want Pickett.

Correct.

I think

it's not that bad of a situation.

He's getting a chance to start.

Ideal situation you could be in a situation.

But he's getting the chance to start for a historically good team that's patient with people.

I feel like it could be a lot worse for him.

He just had, I mean, it's

time repeating.

Like, he is Mike Glennon.

When Mike Glennon was named QB1 for the Bears, and then they drafted Mitch.

Right, but they drafted Mitch, and then Mitch was QB1 for the Steelers.

They drafted Kenny.

Pickett's also listed as QB3.

No, no, copy and paste there.

Clerical is there.

There's a copy and paste issue that was a copy and paste issue.

Remember Wednesday show?

Okay, my bad.

No, it's all right.

I mean, Mike Tomlin did initially list him as number three.

Yeah.

Yeah, that did happen.

Okay,

where are we?

Over.

My over.

I've got Jets Ravens over.

We already talked about that one.

Joe Flacco.

I think Joe Flacco.

Yes.

That's right.

Really just holding my nose and taking Flacco.

44 and a half.

All right.

I have Chargers, Raiders as well.

Billy?

I like Browns, Panthers, 42.

I think we're going to get Bald Grab Baker back.

Baker in Kentucky.

Yeah.

Kansas, Kansas.

We're going to get that game.

I think he's going going to go off.

I think he's going to run up the score.

I see points.

I think they can put it together.

I kind of think that both teams' defenses are a little loose, and we could see some points get put up.

Baker is the one guy that I will probably always bet on in a revenge game.

Yeah.

Because he does take it way more seriously.

Yeah, he's very upset.

Yes.

Yes.

He's like,

Baker, if you went up to Baker like, you're mad,

you're almost always correct.

Yes.

Yeah.

Jake, finish us off with the over, and then we'll do the unders, and we'll do Firefest.

I'm going to go with Packers, Vikings over 47.

I think Rodgers comes hot out of the gate, gets his team in the 30s.

Kirk Cousins is good for 17 points.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't hate that one either.

I do think we're going to win every bet this year.

The Packers are

weird at wide receiver, aren't they?

Oh, they've got like Sammy Watkins.

These are weird.

Sammy Watkins is maybe the weirdest wide receiver in the league.

Alan Lazarda, I don't even know if he's healthy.

Like, it's a weird wide receiver.

Very strange.

Yes, yes.

All right, unders.

Let's finish up with unders.

Jets, Ravens, Flacco fucking stinks.

Lamar Jackson has no wide receivers.

That's going to be like a 20-point game total.

That's mine as well.

And I agree with you.

I think it's just going to be defense, defense, defense.

And a lot of like frustrating Flacco

gets a first down and then three incomplete passes.

You're forgetting about his veteran ball.

That's true.

Veteran ball.

Max, you're under.

I'm taking Falcons, Saints.

I think Saints' defense is really good, and I actually think the Falcons might not score at all.

Whoa!

Shut up.

Shut up.

As long as it finishes 3-0, I'll be happy.

Okay, PFT.

I'm taking the under in the Jaguars Commanders.

Yeah, we didn't talk about this.

And Ral John, Maryland.

Yeah.

The honorary Lunder on behalf of the Queen.

Carson Wentz revenge game.

Well, yeah, it's a Carson Wentz revenge game against Doug Peterson.

Well, no, the Jaguars and Doug Peterson.

The Jaguars bounced him from the playoffs.

It's a double revenge game in that case.

It's also the Queen's favorite team against the quarterback that looks the most like her grandson.

So that's kind of a revenge game, too.

Me and Chaps do have a bet on this, just straight up.

We're creaming.

We're getting creamed.

Loser gets creamed in this one.

Shave, full shave?

Full shave.

Oh, boy.

I feel like he has a lot more to lose than I do.

Yeah.

I show up with a full shave, and they're just like, oh, who's that 12-year-old girl?

Yeah, when Chaps does.

I'm going to make sure you have the girl.

Yeah, yeah.

When Chaps does it, it's like, oh, my God, what is that?

No, it's bad.

It's bad.

When he gets creamed, it's lookout.

Hide your kids.

So under 44 in that game.

I think it's going to be ugly.

All right.

I have that Jets Ravens with Hank.

Billy and Jake wrap us up.

And then we'll do our Mount Rushmore as well.

I got Bucs, Cowboys, 50.5.

I think Tom Brady leaving training camp.

I mean, the offense can't be as in tune as him being at training camp.

Todd Bowles is defensive coach.

I can see the Bucs defense being pretty stern against the Cowboys.

Does Zak get it done?

with Ezekiel Elliott and put some points up?

Maybe, but I don't think he's done.

I like these headlines.

I like these headline questions.

This is like a first take is Zach gonna be able to get it done if I get

bowls are you seeing coach yeah who has gonna be able to get it done this year what quarterback has more to prove than Dak Prescott coming up next I think that was a compliment yeah no that was that was those were good like if I walk by a TV in an airport and it's like is Dak gonna get it done this year I probably am stopping to listen is Dak him yeah yeah that's definitely something I'd stop and watch Greene is definitely at some point this year I'm calling my shot he's gonna say Patrick Mahomes is him Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He's probably going to try to force a Zach Wilson as him.

Yep.

After a good game.

All right, last one, under.

I'm with PFT.

Jaguars Commanders under 44.

I think this is our best chance for a Gami in week one, 15-11 final.

Whoa, we got Gami alert.

Okay,

walk me through how we get to 15-11 here, Jake.

Five field goals.

Okay.

And then a touchdown.

Have you seen the field in Ral John, Maryland?

Yeah.

Going to be tough to kick off.

That touchdown, extra two-point conversion and a field goal.

Also,

I just realized that I'm just going against what I asked you you to get me ready for, Jake.

So, I'm going to change my underdog to the Cardinals because I did tell you all offseason I have to bet the Cardinals in Sipper.

Yeah, I have the reminder against that.

So, I'm going to, in that game, we didn't talk about Cardinals, Chiefs is going to be a very fun afternoon game.

I will take that instead of the Falcons because I also just

check the line after Max's five and a half.

I know it's stupid, but like Max being like, oh, yeah, the Falcons are going to get shut out.

I was like, oh, yeah, they probably are.

Yeah.

Is JG Watt going to play?

I don't know.

He's hurt, right?

Yeah.

He's got that rattlesnake.

That baby rattlesnake

in his bathroom.

Wait, really?

Yeah, you remember that?

He went to take a shit one morning.

There's a baby rattlesnake.

He was tweeting about it, being like, does anyone know what to do with a snake in your bathroom?

They'd probably try to find the mother rattlesnake.

Yeah, well, someone had a great reply.

They're like, just pull up your pants, dude.

For those of you who don't know, woke up this morning, went into the bathroom, found a baby rattlesnake in the corner of the bathroom, curled up in the corner

I'm from Wisconsin don't have a lot of experience with snakes a couple garden snakes here there a couple in Houston but don't know a lot about snakes don't know how to handle snakes not a big fan of snakes

when I got down here to Arizona everybody said you know watch out for the scorpions and watch out for the rattlesnakes you know you live close to the mountains there's going to be snakes monsoon season brings out the snakes stay away from rattlesnakes babies are the most venomous rattlesnake because they don't know how to handle their venom.

They shoot it all in their first bite.

So I got all this stuff in my head.

So I call a guy.

I mean, I don't know what to do.

So I call this guy and he comes out to the house.

He takes a look at it.

And he just picks it up with his bare hands.

And he goes, ah, it's not a rattlesnake.

It's a long, long-nosed snake.

Completely harmless.

And then he left.

So.

If you ever want to feel like a wimp,

that's a way to do it.

That's good.

Baby rattlesnake.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I retweeted that one.

It's funny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can I just say my firefest and then leave?

Yeah, you can.

Well, let's do Mount Rushmore real quick.

With your Mount Rushmore, right?

Who are the picks?

So every week on Sunday, there will be a pardon-my-take bet in Barstool Sportsbook exclusives.

It's four runners to go over 50 yards.

I don't know what the odds will be, but check it out.

Bet with us.

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Give us your

go, Hank.

Tell us who you have.

Saquon.

All right.

PFT.

Okay, so we're trying to do it for Sundays.

Sundays, Sundays.

For Sundays only.

So in that case, I'm going to go with

Najee.

Okay.

I'll do Austin Eckler.

And then who do you guys have?

This is going to be great, too, because if one of us fucks up the whole bet, we will obviously use that to blame them and belittle them and basically make fun of them.

Yeah.

Okay.

DeAndre Swift.

DeAndre Swift.

Okay.

If he doesn't get arrested.

Yes.

Okay, Billy, we talked about a bunch of games there.

Give us some prices for some of these games that we talked about.

Well, the Ravens at Jets is $51, and that might be one I might steal this weekend.

We got Patriots Dolphins, you know, a little more expensive at $109, but did Billy just low-key say that he wasn't going to come and get away with it.

Yeah, no, he was trying to get out of work.

The ticket price is a very good thing.

That's a great question.

Entertaining clients.

Yeah, you're entertaining clients.

What else?

Give me the Chiefs, Cardinals.

Chiefs, Cardinals, we got

$102.

$102.

That's not bad.

Speaking of bucks, bucks of Cowboys, $48.

Wow.

That was the biggest surprise on this button.

Cowboys fell off.

That's great.

All right.

So download the Game Time app.

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Okay,

let's wrap up with Firefest.

So go bet that.

That will be those four.

DeAndre Swift, Austin Eckler, Najee, and who is your pick again?

Saquon.

Saquon.

So all four of those guys have to go over over 50 yards rushing, and you will hit the Mount Rushmore bet.

I'm excited to bet on this.

Everyone, follow along.

Let's do Fire Fest of the week.

Hank, why don't you get us going?

My Fire Fest is at I'm a corporate suit, and I'm late for a meeting, so I'm going to have to leave this recording and probably just get roasted while I'm not here, and you guys are continuing Firefest.

Yeah, that's fine.

What's your number as you walk out?

Yeah, that's going to be fun.

I mean, Jake's in here, so I know you guys won't fuck with me.

That is true.

It is great having Jake around to just being like, he is just like, he's integrity.

But it's like he, I would just look him in the eyes and wouldn't know if you're telling the truth.

Yeah, he's walking integrity because you know that like I would absolutely be like, if you hit it, just everyone would be like, don't tell him he hit it.

Or he didn't hit it and everyone tell him he hit it and Jake would just crumble.

I think if we if we asked Jake to lie about it and we even threatened him with his job, he would just he would devolve.

He would develop a rash.

No, he wouldn't be able to look anybody in the eyes because he'd be keeping the secret too long.

He would just take the sword that he keeps underneath his desk and seppuku himself.

He's like, I can't lie.

I'm dead.

Six.

Six.

Okay, I'm writing that down.

All right.

PFT, your fire fest.

My fire fest of the week is that I am now approximately a hundred hours without zenning.

And it's such a dumb decision.

I don't know why I decided to do this.

I left Lake Charles, which is, by the way, we went back to Lake Charles over the weekend.

Fantastic.

The Liberus Casino, Barcelona Sportsbook was incredible.

But I forgot to pack enough Zen for the road, as you've heard on this podcast for the last couple months.

We're Zenthusiasts is the best way to put it.

And I didn't pack enough for the trip back.

So by the time I got back, I was about a day, you know, 24 hours without Zinning.

I figured, like, let's use it.

Let's use this momentum and see if maybe I can quit Zenning because I was doing it a lot.

And it fucking sucks.

I'm getting like headaches, jaw aches.

My mouth is salivating at all hours.

I can't sleep at night.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I watched fucking tennis last night because it was something to do I was fucking watching tennis and then I wouldn't wish that I'm my worst enemy no I felt like I needed a cigarette afterwards not because it was good tennis but because it was tennis I wanted to die I wanted to die faster so I wanted to smoke

but it was it's been bad it's been very tough and I don't I've reached the point where last night I looked at my Zen.

I'm keeping like a tin of Zen on my coffee table just to be like, I'm better than you, Zen.

I can defeat you.

And I was looking at it.

I was like, why?

I don't understand why I'm doing this to myself.

I could just Zin and it would be fine, probably.

It doesn't give you lung cancer.

Yeah.

Why am I quitting doing this before football season when it's the most stressful time of year?

But I feel like maybe I'm close to that hump, so I'm going to try to stop.

So that's my fire fest.

I'm driving myself insane because I'm quitting something for a reason I don't fully understand for a benefit I'm not sure I'll ever fully realize.

Yeah, but that's good.

You got this.

I'll support support you.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm going to support you.

My Fire Fest, so we're taping this early.

Well, obviously, we did the beginning of the show after the game, but at 5.30 tonight, I have the first ever

formal

parent-teacher conference kind of thing that I have to go to, and I'm just dreading it so much.

Like, I have to be there with other adults and like sit there and talk about like God knows what.

I'm just, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Like, it's just going to suck so bad because it's one of those situations where, like, you see, I see other parents.

I'm like, oh, yeah, that's a parent, but I'm not a parent.

Yeah.

And then I got to go.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I always feel like parents are in their 50s.

You're right.

And it's just, it's going to, it's going to suck.

Like, I'm going to have to sit there.

We're going to have to go through weird shit, do the meet and greet.

Like, the whole thing is, I'm dreading it.

I'll let you guys know how it goes, but I don't think it's going to go well for me.

Are there any unexpected issues?

Like, are they going to give your kid grades?

I don't know.

Like, he needs to work on this sharing?

I don't, yeah, I don't know.

So, it's, I'm not looking forward to it.

Like, he's finally going to school like six hours a day starting on Monday.

So, it's,

yeah, it's going to suck.

What are you going to say, Billy?

PTSD from parent-teacher conferences.

Yeah, like, I don't.

I never got good reports.

These are the first things that are like, I don't really want, I don't, I want to opt out.

I want to opt out of these parts of being a dad, but I can't because I'm being supportive.

The worst thing is if one of your behaviors was dating.

Oh, he's got all my behaviors, dude.

I mean, he's the biggest procrastinator ever.

I'll be like, you want to do this?

He'd be like, tomorrow.

It's like, yeah, that's right.

You're my fucking son.

But we always have tomorrow.

How big of a deal would it be if you just didn't show up, though?

It wouldn't be that big of a deal.

It just would, I don't know.

I do want to be there, but I don't want to be there.

You know what I mean?

So it's a fire fest.

I don't want to be there, but I want to be there because I want to be, you know, around, but I don't want to be there.

And also, it's right before football.

Yeah.

So I'm just going to bad timing.

Let's hurry up.

Football

start.

A few moments later.

Okay, quick update for the Fire Fest.

You just heard me say that I was worried about going to the parent-teacher conference.

I just got back.

Parent-teacher conference was fine.

The teacher's in love with you.

No, no.

I mean, probably, but no.

What's his name?

Definitely not.

The issue was I was rushing to get home, to get there in time,

and I was going to be be late.

So

on the way home.

No.

I had to piss myself.

And so I had two body armor bottles in my car.

And I filled up both of them.

And I also dribbled all over my pants.

Like, legit, like the biggest circle, right?

Not like a, oh, he might have spilled something.

Like a straight-up circle pissed my pants.

What color pants were you wearing?

I'm wearing these.

It was these, not these exact ones, but the ones.

I have two pairs of these.

It's always changed into the other pair of these.

If you've got a, like a light shade pant on and the circle that you're talking about, it just, it's a bullseye, and people can do the math and be like, that's where the end of his penis is.

So, yeah, exactly.

So, I, I, uh, I was, I blasted the AC right at it.

I was, I had a towel.

I was like rubbing it.

I got in there.

It was definitely still visible.

And like the first thing they were talking about was like toilet training and like how to use the bathroom and i'm just sitting there with pissed pants so that part did not go everything else was great but yeah that was like a are you really responsible enough to be a father you can't even stop peeing your pants but you know what they say that you know if you learn a new skill um you only really master it when you can teach somebody else that skill yeah so you're about to master it as you teach your son yeah to not piss his pants you're going through at the same time i think that's kind of cool it's like you remember when you were in like middle school and you started taking algebra and your dad had to relearn algebra to help you out at home?

Yeah.

That's kind of what you're doing with the pants pissing for you.

Right, exactly.

So I'm just,

yeah, it was, I walked in, I was late.

So I walked in, it was fully crowded, and I just had piss on my pants.

That's fine.

Yeah, everything else went well.

Mark Slareth would be proud.

It's football season.

Everyone knows I piss my pants.

So that's the update to Firefest.

Now we have Billy, which, yeah, keep listening.

And now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Uh, all right, Billy, your fire fest.

Mine's probably the worst fire fest I've ever had.

Um, it's the worst thing that can happen.

Like, you got actually

yeah, no, this is this is way worse.

Okay, what about when you just didn't show up for work and got suspended?

Honestly, that's a pretty bad one.

That was bad.

Jake just gave the subtle little, yeah, yeah.

No, this is bad, guys.

What about when you forgot that you had to pay taxes on your rough and rowdy money?

That was bad.

That was that was, I much rather what about when you got caught stealing Valor in the airport?

I never did that.

Can we actually stop?

Like, that's like well, we're just listening.

We're just setting the table.

That never happened.

I never actually stole Valor.

Right.

Let's just get that on the table.

You passively.

It's like the quiet quitting phenomenon.

Well, now people say thank you for your service, and I don't know what to say, so I'm just like, thank you.

Quietly stole Valor.

So I turns out there's no such thing as chiggers on the island.

Oh,

what?

Yeah.

So turns out out I must have stepped on a lone star tick nest.

Or you have monkey pox.

And I got bitten by a bunch of lone star tick larvae.

Oh, which the good news is it doesn't the larva don't transmit Lymes or any tick-borne's diseases, but they can give you an alpha gal

allergy.

So is that like a girl box?

No, that means that's alpha gal is in all red meat and dairy.

And

I might be allergic to red meat and dairy for the rest of my life.

Oh my god, that would be the funniest thing ever.

Billy goes vegan.

John Sally was right.

Go vegan for a month before I get the test.

Wait, you really do?

Yeah.

Let me see your feet.

So, what happened to Carnivore Sundays?

I can eat chicken, I think, and fish, but it's the worst thing ever.

Let me see your feet.

That's pretty bad.

Let me see the bites.

The bites are terrible.

Oh, yeah, you got that larva in you, boy.

Yeah, I mean, it's actually like,

I might never be able to eat red meat again.

He's about to cry.

Yeah, Billy, that's tough.

What about pork?

No pork.

Pork's white meat, though.

Like, I can't take supplements because the gelatin

capsule.

Oh, God.

You know what?

I'm rooting so hard for a positive test.

This almost seems too perfect.

This seems like somebody...

It's the worst thing ever.

Somebody from Anonymous that listens to this show created a fake WebMD just to get Billy concerned about this because it's hitting every single thing that you don't want to do.

It gets worse with exercise.

Yeah, wow.

And alcohol.

You're going to get fat and sober.

Yeah.

And I think there's also

all your redeeming qualities.

You die if you don't show up to work on time.

Yeah, no, but like, literally, like, God gives his hardest challenges to his toughest soldiers.

I'm going to get through this.

But you're not Seely Fowler.

Yeah.

You just called yourself a soldier.

Just want to make sure.

No, but like, this is the worst thing ever.

Yeah, no, that's really so.

If you've ever...

It's awesome.

It's literally, I contracted veganism.

I'm so happy.

But, like, seriously, if anyone's ever been bit, like, I don't know what percentage of people who get bit actually get it.

I'm terrified.

I think it's 100% hit rate.

Like, if any of you have ever been swarmed by these ticks, please, I need some guidance here.

I'm reading about lone star ticks right now.

You know what sucks, too?

All you had to do was just be a little bit better at Frisbee Goth.

I do.

Because you just were living in the woods.

Actually, if Jake didn't hog all the bug spray, Jake turned you vegan.

Which you guys clowned me for using.

Yeah, but you hogged the bug spray.

No one else wanted it.

And Billy

and Billy couldn't use it to defend himself.

Many people are saying, I'm assuming

you gave Billy Lone Star Tick Disease.

You gave Billy veganism.

Wow.

This is such a bunch of things.

That's the most alpha move that you can ever do, Jake.

Oh, man.

Is turn Billy into a vegan.

Yes.

Wow.

God damn.

I am so happy.

Like, nothing.

I just want that on the record.

Nothing is going to be the same if that happens.

Yeah, right.

Exactly.

But, like, right.

Who you are right now won't be who you are in a month, which that's the part I'm happy about.

We should order like barbecue on Sunday.

Oh, we're doing Carnivore Sunday.

It's still on.

Alpha Gal syndrome.

Hell yeah.

That's so funny.

It's Alpha Gal Syndic.

Alpha Gal.

Like, I was like, that's awesome.

It's like a breeder.

Yeah.

It's great.

Damn, Billy.

It's a recently identified type of food allergy to red meat and other products made from mammals.

In the United States, the condition is most often caused by a lone star tick bite.

The bite transmits a sugar molecule called alpha-gal into the person's body.

In some people, this triggers an immune system reaction that later produces mild to severe allergic reactions to red meat such as beef, pork, lamb, or other mammal products.

Wow.

Yeah, it's great.

Let me see that picture.

Billy, I would.

I would say sorry, but you would know that that was hollow.

Like, I'm not going to, we're not going gonna pretend.

It's the worst.

Oh, man.

Yeah, that's what you have.

Yep.

Yeah.

Damn.

I don't know what I, I don't.

So no red meat for a month.

Well, yeah, and hopefully, like, I don't know if I should just say fucking eat red meat for a month because it's the last time I can.

What would be, what would, you could die?

Well, if you prevent, like, it might kick in in a month.

It might kick in in a year.

Right.

So.

Would you die?

If I go into anaphylactic shock, yeah.

Eat the red meat.

This is like, I like don't know what to do.

But you've definitely eaten red meat since you got the tick bites.

Right.

Yeah, but it doesn't kick in for like a month.

Okay.

So, yeah, then that you.

So, like, you're supposed to stay away for a month after eating it to get the test.

I think you're fine.

Honestly, I'm terrified.

I'd be terrified.

You're terrified of Alpha Gals.

Yeah.

Scared of strong women.

Wow.

Billy actually does not make eye contact with Erica whenever she's in the office.

No.

No woman, really.

Billy is dead.

There are two things.

I don't contact it with Dave.

You don't make eye contact with money either.

Yeah, money and women.

He'll never look them in the eye.

All right, Jake, finish us off.

Mine's not nearly as bad as Billy's.

Well, we'll be the judge.

Okay.

So I grew up living in Florida, loved roller coasters.

Over the weekend, went back down to Orlando, went to Halloween Horror Nights with my cousins and my siblings.

And I'm nauseous from roller coasters now.

Oh, no, you don't.

One ride.

I used to go like five times in a row.

It was my bar mitzvah theme.

Loved it.

Wait, your bar mitzvah Your university.

I'm so sorry.

Now I go on once.

I feel like I was going to puke.

I'm so sorry.

That's horrible.

It's tough.

That's by far.

That's the end of it.

It's like the end of an era.

Because that's terrible.

Jake, you love roller coasters.

Right.

It's like your favorite thing.

Right.

And to have that taken away from you, that's...

Yeah, it's not for me.

I'm sorry, Jake.

Jake, is there anything that we can do to make this easier on you?

Like, maybe, what about like a virtual reality roller coaster experience?

I'm rooting for you, Jake.

I hope you can go back on a roller coaster.

That's so, so

good time, but please let me me know.

No, that's no, you're underplaying it.

That is tragic.

Let's start a GoFundMe for Jake to help him deal with his inability to go on roller coasters.

That's bad news for the show because on the show, you know, we all have our interests and things that we love and care about, and we operate at our peak when we're really accelerating into those things and immersed in those things that we love so very deeply.

And to have roller coasters taken away from you, I just, I don't want it to affect the show at all.

I'll be okay.

Moment of silence for Jake real quick.

Okay, hopefully that heals it.

That was...

Do you want thoughts?

I don't even know if I want to do this show anymore.

Do you want thoughts or prayers?

I think Billy, you should direct them to Billy.

Which one?

Both.

No, no, no.

Billy's fine.

We'll give Billy thoughts and then give you prayers.

I feel like prayers are more important.

Right, okay.

No, yeah, you need that.

Okay, you need that.

Prayers to Jake.

It's true tragedy.

Think about Billy.

The true tragedy.

And how it's hilarious that he's a vegan now.

All right, let's wrap up the show.

We got

Boomers are coming back Monday, week one.

Everyone get excited.

We're going to do the lottery ball machine.

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Numbers, Hank has six.

Should we put that back?

Yeah, sure.

77.

26.

50.

56.

Three.

I'm gonna go 53.

Whoop.

Wait.

I'm gonna go 99.

69.

I might become allergic to that number.

But did you hear Jake and the roller coasters?

What if Billy catches that thing from Liar Liar where he has to tell the truth all the time?

Oh, man.

That would be way worse.

94.

Would you pick Hank?

Six.

Oh, that's way off.

Way off.

Technically.

94, seventh time.

Wow.

Tied for third place.

Wow.

Carl Massett.

All right.

We'll see everyone on Monday.

Enjoy the weekend weekend of football.

Love you guys.

Lone Star Takes Don't Give One.

We're talking away

from the bottom of my heart to say.

I'll say it anyway.

Today's on my day to find you.

Shy.

I've been coming for your love of gay.

Shy.

I've been coming for your love of gay.

Needless to say.

I've said it.

It's about being so late away.

Slowly then, my mind is okay.

Say after me.

Say after me.

I'm the

god.

I'm the

one.

you say

is delightful.

Just play that well, easy way.

You are things I've got to remember.

You shine away.

Love me coming for you to many light.

In shy and away,

love me coming for you to many light.

Drain on me,

take on me high.