Julian Edelman In Studio, Football Is Back, Fantasy F-Bois + Picks And Weekend Preview

Speaker 1 Hey, Pardon My Take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 3 This season, transform your space into an entertainer's dream with Wayfair. Everything ships fast, right to your door.
Shop everything home today at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com.

Speaker 3 Wayfair, every style, every home.

Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, football is back, and we have our good friend Julian Edelman in studio to talk about Thursday night football, the 2022 football season that's upon us.

Speaker 1 We also are going to do our picks,

Speaker 1 Fantasy Fuck Boys. We have to figure out what the punishment is going to be for our picks, which we discuss, and Fire Fest of the Week.

Speaker 4 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch Sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 1 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 1 No paper, and a lot of washing.

Speaker 1 And then a gambled all on

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take presented by Muggsy. Go to mugsy.com for 10% off your entire order using promo code TAKE.

Speaker 1 Today is Friday, September 9th, and football is back. and also the queen is dead.
R.I.P., Lizzie, Lizzie Blood Clot. She was a huge AWL.
She was. Actually, we were talking about that.
She was

Speaker 1 an AWL six times, not seven times. She got real mad when we had Fauci on, so she was like, you guys went woke, and then she came back after years.
They all come. And she did win.

Speaker 1 Thankfully, you know, before she passed, she won a takeie this year for

Speaker 1 a live person of the year. Whoops.

Speaker 1 But listen, we're going to miss her. It's sad that she died right before the first fantasy fuckboys because I know that was her favorite.
Yeah, well, you bring up a good point.

Speaker 1 What if you're in a fantasy league with the queen and she dies right before the season starts? You've already had the draft. What do you do with her players? Ghost owner.

Speaker 1 You don't distribute it? You go ghost owner. It's definitely dynasty.
You just roll it out. It's definitely dynasty mode, though, right? You just let it roll.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I feel like you have to redistribute that.
I don't know what the protocols are.

Speaker 6 Julian, do you know?

Speaker 1 Were you a fan of the queen?

Speaker 7 Actually, I did like the queen, but I would think that she'd have someone in line to take over for that.

Speaker 1 The fantasy?

Speaker 7 Yeah. Like a fantasy.

Speaker 1 It's the big dude. It's the owl.
The Chungus. The absolute youth.

Speaker 7 Chungus.

Speaker 7 Yeah, but I always had a weird infatuation with English culture, and then I started watching The Crown. Yeah.
And

Speaker 7 I am a little sad. Everyone liked Princess Die.

Speaker 1 Well, if you like Princess Die and

Speaker 1 the Queen,

Speaker 1 those kind of compete against us. That's like being a Bills and Patriots fan.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 I like the Bills right now, too.

Speaker 7 I guess I'm contradicting.

Speaker 1 But the Bills, the Patriots didn't... Well, actually, they kind of have, metaphorically speaking, like rammed them off the road in a tunnel, killed them.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I don't know. But yeah,

Speaker 7 anytime anyone dies, it's sad.

Speaker 1 96?

Speaker 1 Anyone? Like, what about the H-Man? You know where I'm going to go with this. Yeah, the H-Man.
That was a good one. Good death.
Which one's the H-Man? What about Pilani?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, oh, that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got the H-Man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah,

Speaker 7 those are good deaths.

Speaker 1 Okay, that was queen talk. Let's talk football.
Let's talk football.

Speaker 1 I fucking know. I don't know what to do with that.
Well, you had to know. Like, I would have, you probably wore black for it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you weren't paying attention to the news, but the minute the queen passed, I was like, well, Jules is coming in.

Speaker 1 We're going to make the first three minutes of the show very uncomfortable for him. Do you think the queen had that dog in her? Oh, yeah.
Corky. She owned like 75 corners.
Yeah, she had many dogs.

Speaker 1 My big questions are: what happens to the dogs and then what happens to every mute swan? Because the queen technically owns every mute swan in the world.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a real thing, yeah. If they could talk, they would cry.
If you didn't see a mute swan, it's the swan with like the orange bill.

Speaker 1 They can't talk. If you happen to see a mute swan, just pick it up.
It's a free-for-all. Yep.
Until there's a new king. It is literally

Speaker 1 all you can swan. Yep.
Just grab and go.

Speaker 7 So King Chuck now, Chuck's the king?

Speaker 1 Yeah, King Chuck. I think so.
Yeah. All right, let's talk football.
Yeah, let's talk football. All right, yeah, yeah.
yeah. All right, Bills, incredible, incredible performance week one.

Speaker 1 Even, actually, I should say, they kind of whomped the Rams, one by 21, and they had three turnovers, four turnovers, and they won by 21.

Speaker 7 That was a whomping. They whomped them.
And

Speaker 7 that's got to be a terrible feeling for the Rams to lower a banner. have all the Super Bowl fun afterwards, and then you play a team like the Bills, and they come out and whoop you on your own turf.

Speaker 7 And they're hungry, and they're hungry. Yeah.
I mean, that's a good sign for the Bills. They looked great.
I mean, those turnovers,

Speaker 1 those were terrible, but well, I mean, the interception that Josh threw, the first one, that's not really his fault.

Speaker 7 I thought the receiver could have came downhill. Like, he stopped his route, and it kind of messed up the quarterback.

Speaker 7 Usually, on those, it looked like it was one funnel, which there's a rat, a guy that drops in, and he has the middle of the field.

Speaker 7 And once the guy clears the rat with the man coverage guy on him then he's got to run flat to downhill and stay on the gas and he kind of slowed up if it was man I mean that that was that was not really his fault I mean then the you saw the the DB undercut it and that's like a quarterback's nightmare so it really wasn't his fault it was bad football which they're gonna learn from that there's gonna be some mistakes in opening day and

Speaker 7 like What impressed me the most was their defensive line play. Those two big guys in the middle of the line for the Bills were unreal.

Speaker 1 What was his name? Ed Oliver. Ed Oliver, and then who was the other one? They sacked him seven times.
Vaughn Miller had a great time. Vaughn Miller had great signing.

Speaker 7 If he stays healthy, I mean, that could be a huge part of them later in the season where they didn't get any pass rush back in

Speaker 1 last year. I think it's talking about Jordan Phillips.
Phillips. Phillips.
Yeah. Phillips.
Yeah, one and a half sacks. They were all over him.
It's like, it's both, it's a combination of two things.

Speaker 1 One, they didn't blitz that much either. No, they didn't at all.
I don't think they blitzed a single time in the first round. They dropped.
But the Bills' defensive line looked awesome.

Speaker 1 At the same time, I think we can say the Rams' offensive line sucks right now. And not good at all.

Speaker 7 Whitworth gone is going to hurt this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and Stafford, I mean, we were noticing it, but his throwing motion looked kind of jacked up.

Speaker 1 So there was, I think everyone knew that he had a surgery over the offseason, but there was a report today that he

Speaker 1 had the elbow surgery. It was classic Schefter.
Yeah. Because that report came out six months ago, and then Schefter reported it today as if if it was brand new.
It's like, no, Adam, we all knew this.

Speaker 1 But he was reporting it just to say he's fine because Stafford's agent told him to let everybody know that he's fine.

Speaker 1 Right, but the weird quote that I've somehow missed because it was an old quote, but in Schefter's report, Sean McVay referred to it as a little abnormal for a quarterback. That doesn't sound good.

Speaker 1 When you have an elbow injury, and they're like, yeah, that's not... a quarterback injury.

Speaker 7 And you know, Jules, like, I love whenever there's a report like oh yeah matt stafford had minor surgery for his elbow there is no minor surgery you don't like getting cut especially with with matt stafford that's his strength is that arm yeah i mean that's that's his what touched him by god was that arm and you saw him dropping that elbow he's always had that kind of three-quarter motion throw but like

Speaker 7 You can get away with that when you're healthy. Now that he's got something going on in his elbow that everyone's talking about, I mean, you saw

Speaker 7 throws, you know, they sailed on him. And that's usually from an elbow problem or something like that.

Speaker 7 He had a couple missed throws that you're like, the interception he threw in the first quarter, he threw it behind the receiver. And that's timing.
And that's another thing is rest versus rest.

Speaker 7 That's your whole thing. They didn't play any of their starters in the preseason.
They didn't look very sharp.

Speaker 1 So I always assumed that that argument is just you just played the results. Because if guys come out and look fresh, they're like, well,

Speaker 1 that's because they didn't play in the preseason. So are you two?

Speaker 7 The Bills played in the preseason. But do you think? We saw Josh Allen go out and lead his team to touchdown drives every time he was out there.

Speaker 1 He looked very comfortable. Yeah, comfortable.

Speaker 7 That game looks slow to him. And that's because he's prepared.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's different with a lot of titles.

Speaker 1 Yeah, from your perspective, like, would you, if you didn't play, did you need the preseason? I like it.

Speaker 7 It's just a, it's a, they called it like a dress rehearsal. You get to have your football operations.
You get to go over your routine after a drive. You know, working on the whiteboards.

Speaker 7 Like in a game environment, you get it's it's a big thing, like getting up. Where's the fucking play clocks? Let's look at like, let's get our pregame

Speaker 7 meal situated. Let's get our shit schedule situated.
Let's go through this thing because everything on game day needs to be fucking flawless.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 7 You work so goddamn fucking hard all week.

Speaker 7 You practice your ass off. You're in all these long ass meetings.
They're fucking boring to perform for three hours on Sunday. So everything has to be pristine.
So I was always a fan of getting

Speaker 7 a good couple series, three, maybe a half. They threw us in a half once.
We weren't performing back in New England

Speaker 7 in, I think it was like 16 or something. Like we weren't playing good and they wanted to see us play well.
And we needed to feel that because that builds your confidence.

Speaker 1 I like it. I mean, I think about that much, but it's like on game day, you know.
Stretch lines.

Speaker 7 Where the fuck are you going for stretch lines?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't have. You need to have that.
You can't have any wasted minutes. Can't.
You have to be like in a rhythm to get everything done that you have to get done.

Speaker 1 And if you don't practice just going through the motions earlier, like from our perspective, we're like, oh, they probably need to get some reps in the game, which I'm sure would help too. Right.

Speaker 1 But there's a lot more that goes on. A lot more.

Speaker 7 It's the operation of just game day operation that you need to feel because once it hits you in the regular season, there's a lot of shit that's going on. Oh, fuck, I got to get my ankles taped.

Speaker 7 Oh, I got to get my massage. Oh, I got to get my dynamic warm-up in.
Oh, I got to go do this. Oh, right.
Now I got to go eat. I got to get electrolytes in.

Speaker 7 There's so many little things that you have to take care of.

Speaker 7 And then, you know, God forbid you come into week week one and you're fucked up mentally because you didn't get your ankle taped the right way.

Speaker 7 That can affect you. Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I'm a preseason believer now.

Speaker 7 You need to feel a little. I like it.
I liked it. That's what I was around, you know, getting out there.

Speaker 7 And it always made my confidence high when you get to use your fucking shit that you worked on all training camp.

Speaker 7 And you get a lot of that in these joint practices, but the game day operation is huge.

Speaker 1 So the other thing I was wondering from this game, and I think we all agreed on it watching it, Josh Allen running is incredible, but also incredibly scary. Like, I don't know, I don't know what...

Speaker 1 There were a couple of times, like, what are they doing? Why? I know he's such a weapon, but it's also like...

Speaker 1 I'm just so scared for him all the time.

Speaker 7 I saw it firsthand when he's gotten knocked out before.

Speaker 7 It was a very similar situation where he's shrugging a guy off, and it's not about the guy he's shrugging off. It's about the two dudes pursuing in full speed, trying to torpedo your head off.

Speaker 7 I remember when Jay Jones lit him up, you know, a few years back, and he's gotten smarter and he's a really balanced football player, but

Speaker 7 he's that team. If he goes down,

Speaker 1 the Bills ain't

Speaker 1 the Bills aren't the Bills. I think part of it is he's just bigger and stronger and faster than that.
He's like, I can just run. I mean, that stiff arm he threw, that was Derrick Henry-esque.

Speaker 7 Yeah, but Derrick Henry's gotten hurt. Yeah, no, it's stress.
You know what I mean? Like, and it's not even just the physical, it's not even, you know, he twists his ankle wrong.

Speaker 7 He gets piled up, you know, like the ankle twists.

Speaker 7 like when he's when he's flinging these guys off he's got so much pressure going into those joints like you know i i love seeing it and it's that's the football player he is he's a tough fiery guy and you love seeing that from your quarterback but it's a fall it's a double-edged sword we can't be fucking redlining that bad boy we can't get him hurt that's the franchise yeah so the coaches have tried to work with him this preseason they've tried to get it through like okay you need to fall down you need to know when to slide when to get out of bounds.

Speaker 1 I think he'll figure it out. If they don't, I don't know, he'll do like a squirt gun, like when a cat gets on a table situation, just like immediate negative reinforcement for him.

Speaker 1 But I actually think that today he was doing it for a much different reason. I think he had an actual personal axe to grind with certain players on the Rams.

Speaker 1 I think Jalen Ramsey in particular, you remember the quote from Jalen Ramsey

Speaker 1 when he said, I think Josh Allen is trash. I don't care what nobody say.
He's trash. And it's going to show, too.
That's a stupid draft pick to me. We played them this year.
I'm excited as hell.

Speaker 1 I hope he's their starting quarterback. He played at Wyoming.
So

Speaker 1 that's when he was on the Jaguars. He did the GQ piece that basically just ripped into everyone.

Speaker 1 But he still said that, and Josh Allen was pissed, and he was looking to run people over. And on that one play, he lands on top of Jalen Ramsey, and then he starts fucking his face.

Speaker 1 He skull fucked him on the ground underneath the pile. And Jalen took exception to that.
And then Josh was like, I don't care. I'm going to smile in your face.

Speaker 1 And then he hit that bomb over his head to Diggs. And then Diggs got in Ramsey's face.
Tough night to be Jalen Ramsey. He got cooked.

Speaker 7 Hey, man,

Speaker 7 when you talk, you know, you better, you got to walk. And, you know, that's, that's cornerbacks are, that's, they got to do that sometimes to psych themselves up.

Speaker 7 And or I'm not saying that's with Ramsey, but they have a swagger about them. They really are that confident of guys.
That's just the makeup of that position.

Speaker 7 And when you talk and you go out and you get toasted a couple times, that's the part of talking. People are going to say, hey, man, you know, that's, that's.

Speaker 1 Did you ever accidentally talk? Did you ever say something and was like, oh, fuck, I shouldn't have said that? Like, I gave them motivation? Because I know you guys played so buttoned up.

Speaker 7 No, we would always pump our competition. That's like one thing.
Yeah. We'd be playing like the fucking, like the shitty, like the Jaguars when they weren't the Jaguars.

Speaker 7 And Bill would be pumping this team up like they were like the 85 Bears on defense. I'm like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 He does that with quarterbacks all the time. He's like, that guy is a really great quarterback.

Speaker 7 It's like, who are you talking about? You know, it doesn't, it doesn't give them bulletin, you don't give them bulletin board material. Fuck it.

Speaker 1 You know, and that's, I'm not about that.

Speaker 1 Now, on the flip side, would you actually like see bulletin board material and get more motivated? Like, would you get so pumped up? A little bit.

Speaker 1 You're a dog.

Speaker 1 I would. A little bit.

Speaker 7 Yeah. You say, then, of course, we say, oh, we don't care.
We're worried about the game plan.

Speaker 1 But fuck yeah, yeah.

Speaker 7 With like the Legion of Boom, when we go into that Super Bowl, and they're like, who's their starting receivers and stuff?

Speaker 1 Like that, you take that personal. Yeah, would you do that? Would you do like specific media training before each week? Like, knowing the certain questions you were going to be asked? No,

Speaker 7 but, but you would hear, like, let's just stay away from this.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 7 And then

Speaker 7 we'd have like a guy that, the guy who,

Speaker 7 I won't say his name, but he was one of the people that dealt with the media for the White House during like 9-11. He would come talk to us.
Turn around Ari Fleischer?

Speaker 7 And he would come

Speaker 1 teach us how to deflect questions and shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's pretty good at you. You're talking about Ari Fleischer.
Yeah, he's doing LiveTour now, right? Nah, he's not. Isn't he? Yeah.
Did you ever ask him about Iraq? I did.

Speaker 1 Like, where were those? They weren't. You guys knew those weren't there.
They weren't there, right? Like, why not Saudi Radio?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a football show.

Speaker 1 All right, I have two more questions about this game, and then I want to talk about some other teams.

Speaker 1 So, overreaction, Bills are Super Bowl champs, and the Rams, you said the Rams were in trouble.

Speaker 1 I'm trying this year not to overreact to everything. I do think the Bills looked incredible, and they're obviously

Speaker 1 ozone favorites. But the Rams,

Speaker 1 do you think that's actually, uh-oh, the Rams are in trouble? Or, hey, it's week one. They probably should have played a little preseason.
They'll be fine.

Speaker 7 They didn't look good. They didn't have really any...

Speaker 7 any rhythm on offense. You saw they signed Allen Robinson.

Speaker 1 He had one target.

Speaker 7 He had one target in the end of the game.

Speaker 7 There's a lot of things that you're like you you don't want to see that after a super bowl winning season yeah i remember when we play after a super bowl winning season like we were you'd be on fire you can't go into this like you're the target yeah right you're everyone's super bowl you're the super bowl champion and if you go in like they don't their offensive line didn't play very well whitworth that that losing whitworth to retirement that's gonna that looks like it's gonna be hurting them you know The elbow of Stafford, how's that thing?

Speaker 7 It didn't look good. It just, it wasn't, the defense didn't look particularly that great.
I mean, they got four takeaways, but they still lost 31 to 10.

Speaker 7 These are things that you don't want this stuff to add up at the beginning of the season. I know you're learning your team.

Speaker 1 I know we're trying to figure out, you know, what works well, what doesn't work well.

Speaker 7 But when nothing worked well,

Speaker 7 they didn't have anything going.

Speaker 7 What'd they give up on? How much offense to offense they have?

Speaker 1 I think Stafford ended up with like 240 yards.

Speaker 1 That was the end. Yeah, no, he had like 100

Speaker 1 yards going into the garbage time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the bill schedule is like, it's going to be fun because they have a lot of, like, I think they play the Titans, they play the Ravens, Steelers, Chiefs, Packers all in the first seven weeks.

Speaker 1 So in every game, it feels like they have that chip on their shoulder where like, we played perfect last year and we didn't win. We got to fucking do it this year.
I mean, we got to have the home.

Speaker 1 I mean, if their defense is just slightly better, like 0.1% better than they were last year, then they can win that game.

Speaker 1 And if they can get home, if they get home, if they get home, they got to stay held for the Super Bowl. I mean, we saw how they played in Buffalo last year in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 They played played the perfect game against the Patriots. I don't think anyone's ever played a better offensive game than that

Speaker 1 first round. They showed the stats, Josh Allen was perfect.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 it was literally a perfect pairing of games. Odell Beckham on the sidelines tonight.
He was taking his recruiting trip, his official visit to campus.

Speaker 1 I guess he's not on the Rams, but they're recruiting him to come to the Rams. They kept his locker set up in the locker room, but they gave away his jersey number.
A lot of weird stuff going on.

Speaker 1 Who can't, who looks slow? They should give that number back to no one. Yeah.
They should vacate that number until such a time that Odell Beckham comes back.

Speaker 1 But so he was on the sidelines, saw this up close, and he goes, sheesh, Bill's mafia.

Speaker 1 That's where

Speaker 1 trouble in paradise. Interesting.

Speaker 1 If you were on those sidelines and you saw that result and you saw Matt Stafford putting his entire body into every throw, trying to overcompensate for a weak elbow, and then looking over to the other side of the field and seeing Josh Allen, like you might, they might have invited you to the wrong game.

Speaker 7 They don't got, they don't, I don't think there's a whole lot of receivers on Buffalo. I don't think they need it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I think Odell, I think what he's gonna do, which is very smart, because he's gotta wait until someone gets hurt. No, well, he can't play

Speaker 1 right, like he's still hurt, he's still rehabbing. I think he should just wait till like December and be like, all right, who's the best team? Yeah, I'm in.

Speaker 7 Not a bad idea.

Speaker 1 Not a bad idea. Like a very good idea.
Like, okay, who's the best team? Who's got the best travel?

Speaker 7 He's going to have the fresh leg.

Speaker 1 He's only going to live there for two months. You really, I saw your face light up.
You really think it's a good idea.

Speaker 1 It's like we were talking about before we started recording, like what you're planning on doing this year. Right.
Is waiting to see if

Speaker 1 the Buccaneers are going to be like, you know, 12 months. No, he said the Jets, too.
If the Jets are good.

Speaker 1 Even Braxton buried us with your shirts off playing tummy sticks.

Speaker 7 Braxton, I mean, Braxton's buffer than me now.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're actually conceding.

Speaker 1 He's the thirst trap god now.

Speaker 7 He took the mantle. He's taking it.

Speaker 1 Yes, or you, I heard you on Russillo's show. You were saying, like, a year off, my body feels good.

Speaker 7 It does feel good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But I, it,

Speaker 7 yeah, I mean, I'm not, I'm out of shape.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you could get back into shape. You could get back into shape.

Speaker 1 It's not that easy. You did have two plates of Chinese food and a part of my cheesesteak tonight.

Speaker 7 I saw that. I had a bite of the cheesesteak, which is

Speaker 1 pretty good. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Then I had a piece of Prince, the Prince Street pizza.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 I had the vodka, the spicy vodka, Sicilian.

Speaker 1 Fabulous. Yep.
I had...

Speaker 7 A little of the Felipe Chow's, I think. Yep.

Speaker 1 Some brownie bites?

Speaker 7 I didn't actually have one.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 you were standing in the kitchen going, mmm, these are so good.

Speaker 7 Yeah, that's what I was doing.

Speaker 1 That's the difference between you and me. I would just be like, mm, these are so good, and you couldn't hear me because of the chocolate down my throat.

Speaker 7 And that's the difference between a six-pack and a keg.

Speaker 1 How long would it take you to get back into shape, though? We're talking like three weeks?

Speaker 7 It'd probably take about three to six.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's nothing. Yeah, three to six? Easy, but that's nothing.
You ever seen one of these before? Oh, I think so. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Billy actually. He knows his way around a needle.
Billy got this for me, for my elbow. You know what it is.
Oh, it is straw?

Speaker 1 Research chemicals. Why don't you tell us what it is? I have no clue.

Speaker 1 Do the letters BPC 157 mean anything to you? No, I don't know. So, Billy accidentally got me.
He was trying to get me shit to inject into my arm to make me feel better.

Speaker 1 He got me powder, so I have to like free base it. I don't know why he got me a syringe with it.

Speaker 8 I need to get the sterile water for the injection.

Speaker 1 What is it?

Speaker 1 Do you know where to get sterile water? Peptide.

Speaker 1 It's on the way.

Speaker 1 We're doing science experiments here. Billy ordered these ones.
Dangerous is what you want to say. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it is dangerous. He asked for my debit card, which I gave to him.
And then, like, five minutes later, he goes, actually, you can just like, can you just cash out the money to the company?

Speaker 1 And that seems reputable. Cash out? Yeah, I just didn't cash out for these chemicals.
I mean, geez, bro. Yeah.
But yeah, so do not condone this.

Speaker 1 There's one other thing we usually ask, we just like ask you to tell us what Tom Brady would say if he were in this room right now.

Speaker 1 So would Tom Brady say like,

Speaker 1 I wish I got more plastic surgery this offseason?

Speaker 7 I would say he probably talked about the TB12 diet or something.

Speaker 1 So when you were talking about the Rams missing, you know, not playing 11 days is a long time to be out of preseason. Dude.

Speaker 1 Mass singer?

Speaker 7 I thought it was the Mass Singer. I don't, that's what I was hoping it was going to be.

Speaker 1 It still could be. It could be.
Because that's the best part about the Mass Singer. You don't know until he takes off the mask.

Speaker 7 It could be the Mass Singer. Right here, I think it's the Mass Singer.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
Confirmed. True and England reports.
Mass singer. Definitely the mask singer.
Did he agree with you that

Speaker 1 he liked playing in preseason games just to get in that rhythm? Or was he a guy that would be like, he played? Was that because Bill asked him to?

Speaker 1 He played this year in preseason.

Speaker 7 Tom went out there and he had a drive. They got him with an opening drive for three points.
Like, he likes to play. He wants to feel that game day operation as well.

Speaker 1 I guarantee it. Yeah, I mean, like I said, you've changed me to a preseason believer.
All right, so you're going to be, we should mention, Jules has a new podcast out. Oh, yeah.
Games with names.

Speaker 1 I should have said that off the top. Sorry, the queen died.

Speaker 1 He actually pulled me aside. He's like, I know the queen died, but can you do the plot podcast plug first? I was like, dude, come on.
That's fucking disrespectful. Games with names.

Speaker 1 It's out now with Sam.

Speaker 7 How do I say his last name?

Speaker 1 Morel. Morel.
Morel. Morel.
Because it's not spelled yet. Morel.
He's a very funny comedian.

Speaker 1 Hilarious dude.

Speaker 1 And PFT and I are on episodes coming up. Two separate episodes.

Speaker 7 Very, very good episodes, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, PFT did the caps, Stanley Cup. Stanley Cup, game five.
And I did

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 TBT, Notre Dame versus Barstall, which I had never talked about. Hank was there for that.
Never gone in depth. Great episodes coming up.
And you also had, you had Eli on. Who else did you have?

Speaker 7 We had Eli. We had Peyton.

Speaker 1 How would you rank the guests that you've had? Yeah. Be honest.
Be really honest.

Speaker 1 It's different because... No, just give me your power ranking.

Speaker 7 The power ranking is hopefully Tom Brady when he gets on.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know, you can't make that happen.

Speaker 7 I'm trying. He's busy.

Speaker 1 Well, it's a good thing you didn't talk about his plastic surgery.

Speaker 7 I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 We need to get Tom on there. You know what you should do? You should get Tom on there and talk about the Eagles Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 If you want to do numbers, like strictly from a numbers standpoint, people will tune in and listen to misery way more than

Speaker 1 happiness. And on top of that, you can spend the whole time being like, how much did you miss me on this play?

Speaker 1 Like, how much did you, if I was on this play, would you have thrown it to me?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I mean, if he wants to do that game, we'll do any game he wants.

Speaker 1 Any game?

Speaker 7 We'll do a Michigan game, maybe.

Speaker 1 Or an Orange Bowl against Alabama. Or yeah.
I think it was.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The Giant Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Walker dropped it, and then you can be like, I would have caught that. Would you have caught that? I mean,

Speaker 1 you wally pipped him.

Speaker 7 I probably would have caught it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to lie. I definitely would have caught it.
I'm not going to lie. I would have caught it.
Okay, so me and Big Cat tied for number

Speaker 1 tied for number one.

Speaker 7 Love West. Guy is unbelievable.

Speaker 1 I would have caught it. Where is he? He's coaching now.
Niners, right? No. Niners.
No, Dolphins. Dolphins.
Dolphins. Went with McDaniels.
That's in Miami. Yes.
Yes. Look at me.

Speaker 1 I'm all up to date on all the moves. He's a great dude.

Speaker 1 Week one big. He bed horses with him for an entire weekend once.
He didn't give us any ecstasy. It sucked.
You saw him at the Derby?

Speaker 1 No, it was at Breeders, but the Derby story came out after, and we're like, well, we're we're squares because we didn't get any ecstasy. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he looked at us and was like, nope, I'm putting my Molly right back in my pocket. Not for these guys.

Speaker 1 Was it Molly? I don't know. I think I think that's what he was on at the Kentucky Derby.
But dude, I mean, that's a good time. I don't judge him at all.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, Molly is fantastic to do once and then never again. At the Derby.
Oh. At the Derby.
All right, let's talk NFL. NFL.
So you're on inside the NFL again.

Speaker 7 Inside the NFL, Stream on Paramount Plus, of course.

Speaker 1 What is it like inside the NFL?

Speaker 1 Smell good? Yeah. Is it warm?

Speaker 7 It's nice, nice and warm.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's cozy. Very cozy.
Moist?

Speaker 1 Ew.

Speaker 1 By the way, a sidebar.

Speaker 1 Did you know that there's

Speaker 1 a weirdo? Have you guys ever heard of Tampon Gate? No. There was

Speaker 1 King Charles now

Speaker 1 when he was married. I think he was still married and Camilla, who is now wife, was also married.

Speaker 1 There was, I don't know how they got the phone conversation, but he basically was like, I want to crawl up inside you and like be inside of your vagina. Like a tampon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, that's how it became tampon.

Speaker 1 I want to give you toxic shock syndrome. I want my syndrome from being inside.
I want to live inside of you. Do you want to give the NFL toxic shock syndrome by living inside of it?

Speaker 7 No, I'm more of a pad.

Speaker 1 You know, that's a great answer.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Whether I'm hosting game day at my place or taking my talents to the tailgate boars head is my go-to for a spread that's as exciting as the game itself their platters are a hit every time they've got everything you need to keep your guests coming back for more and if you want to take it up a notch grab a few dips my personal favorite the blazing buffalo chicken hummus or even one of their charcuterie collections for game-changing flavor Boarshead helps me elevate my entertaining every time, whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration.

Speaker 9 To upgrade your spread, visit your local Boarshead Deli for platter options or build your own to make it perfect for your crowd. Boarshead, committed to craft since 1905.

Speaker 1 So, talk about the show.

Speaker 1 What can we expect this? Who are you like, who do you get along with the most on set?

Speaker 7 You know, I get along with everyone pretty well. I'm a little intimidated by

Speaker 7 Ray Lewis still. He's just an intimidating man.

Speaker 7 Mr. Sims, you know, you get those old grandpa-type jokes from him, and he's always a blast to be around.
Michael Irving is just pure energy. Like, he's just fun.
Yeah. You like, love working with him.

Speaker 7 I, I, half the time, I don't understand him.

Speaker 1 Uh, has he started barking yet? I love it when he barks and howls and shit. He's done some crazy shit.

Speaker 7 He's done some crazy shit. And then JB,

Speaker 7 I mean, he's just a stand-up guy that consummate pro.

Speaker 1 Consummate. I love the show.
I mean, I've always loved the show.

Speaker 7 He's like, he drops like an SAT word to me like every day.

Speaker 7 I have to, like, use a ⁇ I have to Google it. And then I don't even know how to spell it.

Speaker 1 Dude, I went to Kent State. Come on.
Can't read, can't write, Kent State, bro.

Speaker 1 He went to Brown, right?

Speaker 7 Yeah, no, he went to Harvard.

Speaker 1 Harvard. Harvard, man.
Yeah, Ivy Lee. Smart ass dude.
All right. And then, Brandon, Brandon Marshall? Oh, yeah.
B. Marsh.
B. Marsh, man.

Speaker 7 He's killing it with IAM Athlete, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, we've had him on the show.
So.

Speaker 1 Give us a couple hot takes to take into the NFL. A couple hot takes.

Speaker 1 What are you thinking? What's the thing that Jules is like.

Speaker 7 Raiders are winning the AFC West.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's a hot take. I like that.
I like that. You're a believer in Derek Carr.

Speaker 7 I'm a believer in the ecosystem that they have over there. I think Derek Carr is, I think he's a good football player.

Speaker 7 Last year, they showed a lot of mental toughness with the situations they dealt with all year. I think with Mick Daniels and

Speaker 7 Devontae Adams going over there, I went and watched them practice against the Patriots,

Speaker 7 and they were smooth. He just was unreal.
Yeah. To see him,

Speaker 7 Derek Carr never really has had a number one receiver. They got Waller.
They got Hunter Renfro, who's a stud.

Speaker 7 Their offense is really good. And then you got Chandler Jones and Crosby.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. I forgot Chandler Jones.

Speaker 7 They got their linebackers are a little,

Speaker 7 and their secondary is young.

Speaker 1 Will Compton will be there in a little bit. Yeah.
Playoff Willie. Wait, so I have a question about McDaniels because you obviously worked with him.

Speaker 1 Do you think, I mean, his first go-around, obviously, in Denver was not great. A failure.
It started off good, though. Yeah, for a little bit there, but it was.

Speaker 7 Didn't they start off 6-0?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think so. And it also felt like he might have had a little bit of the what was happening.

Speaker 1 34? Yeah, with the Belichick guys, where it's like, hey, I'm going to go in. I'm going to be Belichick.
Do you think he's changed?

Speaker 1 Do you think, like, knowing him now, that he is going to approach it differently the second go-around?

Speaker 7 I think he's learned from that experience. Yeah.

Speaker 7 And, you know, probably for the last decade or last eight, nine years, he's probably played that game in his head of being a head coach

Speaker 7 in certain situations or certain meetings with the teams or and things that he learned from the past, I guarantee he's learned from.

Speaker 7 And I think bringing over Dave Ziegler, he was with the Patriots as their GM. I think they have a really good relationship.
That's such a

Speaker 7 important relationship to have is that

Speaker 7 the head coach general manager relationship. Like, you don't want guys that are sandbagging each other.
Like, these guys are together, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 7 So, I think that's going to be a great relationship. And

Speaker 7 he's a fucking smart guy. He knows X's and O's.
And, you know, he's going to open up his offense. He likes to throw the ball.

Speaker 7 We didn't always get to do the stuff. You know, Bill wanted to run the ball a lot.

Speaker 7 That was our game plan a lot of the time. We got to run.
We got to do that.

Speaker 7 You know, there's going to be some new stuff that we haven't seen from Josh that he's probably had, you know, stored away because

Speaker 7 he's the guy now. Yeah, fly-free.
Yeah, fly-free, safety the comet, you know, so it's going to be interesting. And, you know, his leadership skills are good.

Speaker 7 You know, he's learned a lot, I bet, from that first experience.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 I mean, we look at, you know, Belichick had a, I'm not, and I'm not comparing fucking Nick Daniels, but Belichick's first, you know, go at it wasn't, you know, a success, even though they made the play.

Speaker 7 Like, they were doing good things, and that whole situation was fucked up. But, like, he probably learned learned from that and then he went away from the game.

Speaker 7 And you know, you get a second chance as a head coach. You know, there's probably a lot of things that he said after his stint in Denver, like, I wish I would have done this different.

Speaker 7 Well, now he's going to have that opportunity in Las Vegas.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
Don't draft Tebow again. That's really the.

Speaker 7 He doesn't have to. He's got Derek Carr.

Speaker 1 Derek Carr is a proof.

Speaker 7 He's a veteran quarterback. I mean, we're going to see this.

Speaker 7 And he hasn't, I mean,

Speaker 7 he hasn't really had a great offensive coordinator around him. He's been on a bunch of losing teams.
He was with Gruden. Gruden was kind of doing that 98 ball.

Speaker 7 You know, like, we're going to see some, hopefully some cool stuff.

Speaker 1 And Devontae Adams is.

Speaker 7 And Devontae Adams is a monster.

Speaker 1 Waller, Jacobs.

Speaker 7 They have, you know, they have, they got a really good

Speaker 7 skill set guys.

Speaker 1 So what about the Patriots and what's going on on the offensive side of the ball? Because it looks like Matt Patricia is the coordinator now.

Speaker 1 Are they going to have like dual offensive coordinators with Judge sometimes and then Patricia other times?

Speaker 1 Like, how, how how difficult has that got to be, switching from being like a defensive coordinator for your entire career, basically, or on the defensive side, to now you're like in charge of the entire offense?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 7 that's going to be a learning experience.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 7 the guy, I mean, he started, Maddie P started out as an offensive coach. He started on the offensive line under Skarneckio years ago.
You know, and that's very common with Coach Belichick. He'd always

Speaker 7 cross-train guys. If you're a defensive coach, he'd make you go work on offense for four or five years, and then you come over to defense.
So, I mean, he's got a little bit of knowledge.

Speaker 7 He knows the game of football. Maddie P is a smart guy.

Speaker 7 It's just, there's, you know, it's going to be a learning experience. Calling plays on the offense side of the ball is

Speaker 7 very different. You know, you're preparing for first and 10.

Speaker 7 All of a sudden, you know, you're looking at your play call sheet for second and five because you know you're probably going to get, you know, that second and medium range all of a sudden the guy jumps offside you're in first 15 you got to get your eyes backed and like that's a skill like the rhythm of play calling and the relationship between the quarterback and play caller is a fucking that's a like a skill and a relationship that has to be on so many different chemistries that it's got to be crazy they got to be able to finish each other's lines like the night before the game when they're going over the call sheet like on third down the quarterback needs to say you're probably going to call this and he's going to say do you want me to you know like there's got to be that relationship.

Speaker 7 So, this is going to be a learning experience. I mean,

Speaker 7 and I don't know if it's Maddie P. I don't know if it's Joe Judge, but you know, it could be Bill.
We don't know that. Bill called fucking plays in 1995 with the Browns on offense.

Speaker 1 So, that's what I was kind of thinking. Like, it might just be Belichick running the show, and then he's saying that it's going to be these guys because he won't tell anybody.

Speaker 7 He could do that. I bet you it's going to be a very big collaborative effort.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which will be on the lookout for Mac Jones this year? Like, what do you need? Let me ask you this in a professional way. What do you need to see out of Mac Jones this year?

Speaker 7 I just need to see, I need to see him build off of last year. And it hasn't looked very good in the preseason, I'm not going to lie.
And he just doesn't look comfortable back there. He doesn't look

Speaker 7 confident as much.

Speaker 7 And

Speaker 7 it's hard to judge in preseason because you're going against such vanilla

Speaker 7 defenses and vanilla looks. A lot of the times they're just trying to get evaluation out of players.
Like, all right, we know they're probably going to call this. We're going to call this.

Speaker 7 We're not going to game plan for a scheme. They could be holding that back.
So I don't know, but I need to see him go out and be able to win a game and last the whole season.

Speaker 7 It looked a little bit like last year in the later part of the season. He was losing a little zip off his arm.
So

Speaker 7 I want to see if he took this first offseason seriously.

Speaker 7 And it sounds with the reports that he did. He's skinny.
He got a little skinnier. He's probably taking a little care of his body.
He's in the weight room.

Speaker 1 No brownie bites.

Speaker 7 No brownie bites.

Speaker 1 What do you think about just a quarterback with the name McCorkle? McCorkle? Who's that? That's Mac Jones. His name's McCorkle.
Is it McCorkle? Yeah, see, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Like, you learn that, and you're looking at him sideways

Speaker 1 a little bit. I don't think you can win a Super Bowl with a McCorkle.
McCorkle, what is that? McCorkle's like a great.

Speaker 1 He's like the data guy that's off to the side with the big, you know, fishbowl glasses. Or he's

Speaker 1 like a super old caddy at a British course. Like, yeah, you're going to want McCorkle on your bag.

Speaker 7 He knows how to read everything.

Speaker 1 McCorkle. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Can you use it in a sentence?

Speaker 1 McCorkle will never win a Super Bowl. McCorkle only has one DUI, not two.

Speaker 7 Does he have a Dewey?

Speaker 1 Yeah, just one. See, that actually, you gained a little respect for him.

Speaker 1 It's like, damn, condone DUI. Hey, remember, remember my take?

Speaker 7 You can't have a guy that doesn't have any red flags.

Speaker 1 Sure, you need at least one guy. That's a red flag if you don't have a red flag.
Yeah. Didn't know you had that red dog.
Yeah, that's brian cox you can't trust a man with no vices

Speaker 1 yeah got it all right so give me one more hot take raiders west is is a hot take i like that i like the raiders winning the west uh

Speaker 7 maybe nfc nfc

Speaker 7 i like minnesota winning the north oh

Speaker 7 okay kevin o'connell

Speaker 7 i was around him my rookie year he was a quarterback on on the patriots Always a smart guy. Always knew X's and O's.

Speaker 7 I like them. I mean, I think

Speaker 7 Jefferson is outrageous. Outrageous.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a good way to describe him.

Speaker 7 He is really good. I think Kirk, I think he's going to probably step over the high.

Speaker 1 It's hard for me to say it.

Speaker 1 It's hard for me to say it.

Speaker 7 I just don't, I think there's a, I think there's a little trouble in Green Bay. So it's not going to be just an easy, like, easy, you know,

Speaker 1 daddy.

Speaker 7 Because

Speaker 7 they don't, who's their number one receiver?

Speaker 1 Yeah, their receiver.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Lazardo, Sammy Watkins.

Speaker 7 Maybe Sammy Watkins, he's had a lot of miles on him.

Speaker 7 And they didn't,

Speaker 7 the reports are saying that Aaron's been kind of frustrated.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is going to sound like a joke, but I'm serious. Like, he should take them to do ayahuasca with him.
If he was a real leader, he would organize a team retreat because he hates him right now.

Speaker 1 He really does not like that room. He doesn't know who he's going to throw the ball to, doesn't trust anybody.

Speaker 7 They got a good run game. They got a really good offense.

Speaker 1 Their defense is going to be very good. Take them to Peru and just

Speaker 7 like the Bears. Yeah, I know.
The Bears don't really have offense.

Speaker 1 They don't have anything.

Speaker 1 Who literally don't have anything? Give me one more team that was good last year that you think is going to stink this year.

Speaker 7 Stink this year.

Speaker 1 Gosh, guys, put me on the spot. That's a tough one.
Takes only.

Speaker 7 Let's.

Speaker 7 i i think the rams are gonna struggle yeah i think yeah i think the hangover is real yeah and and sums up with stafford's elbow the elbow did not that doesn't look good can we what's a good word for it does it look wonky does he have a wonky elbow

Speaker 1 jacked up looks jellyy jellyy

Speaker 7 jellyy jacked up wonky yeah like jelly-y yeah a little jelly got the sleeve on there it's not like a cool iverson sleeve that's like a that's there for medical yeah that he needs that that medical sleeve.

Speaker 1 It's keeping it all together.

Speaker 1 If you take the sleeve off, he just becomes like dumpy.

Speaker 7 That's not a cool swag sleeve.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 That's something we got, maybe you have like a bandage under there we're trying to hide or stitches or hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boarshead makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

Speaker 1 Whether you order catering platters ahead from your local Boars Head retailer, or you create your own spread at home with Boar's Head premium deli meats and cheeses, you are sure to impress your guests.

Speaker 1 My favorites like oven gold turkey or blazing buffalo-style chicken, paired with their classic Vermont cheddar or creamy Munster cheese, are sure to score big and help me elevate my entertainment every time, whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration.

Speaker 1 Seriously, guys, it's a game-changing flavor for every gathering. Boarshead, committed to craft since 1905.
Give us Super Bowl.

Speaker 7 Super Bowl Soupies.

Speaker 1 Bills

Speaker 7 versus.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's going to say the

Speaker 1 Bills versus the Bucs

Speaker 1 The Bills are going to win.

Speaker 1 Bills are winning it. Aren't you nervous that everybody's picking the Bills?

Speaker 1 Literally everyone's picking the Bill.

Speaker 7 That's honestly why I bet against them tonight.

Speaker 1 That never happened.

Speaker 7 I bet against them only because everyone... I was like, the hype is hype is too crazy.
It's disrespectful to do this on banner dropping night. That's what I was rolling in in the studio.

Speaker 1 Yeah, fuck that.

Speaker 7 Bills just said, fuck me. No, they went in.
They're looking good. They're looking strong.
If they stay healthy, they're going to be a problem.

Speaker 1 Are we forgetting about the Chiefs? Are we forgetting that Patrick, as a nation, are we forgetting that Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid are pretty fucking good?

Speaker 7 They're very good, but it's going to be, you know, it's going to be...

Speaker 7 It's going to be interesting to see them without Tyreek Hill. Yeah.
You know, that guy opens up the field in so many different ways with that speed.

Speaker 7 Like that intermediate passing game of the Chiefs, why Kelsey gets all these awesome, you know, it's because there's no one, there's a guy blowing the top off the coverage, meaning running so fast down the field.

Speaker 7 You got to take two guys on him all times.

Speaker 7 When you lose that, it condenses the offense. And we saw it last year, you know, Patrick Mahomes struggled a little bit throwing the ball inside the pocket.

Speaker 7 I want to see over this next, you know, this first half quarter of the season if he got better at those things because you're going to have to do that.

Speaker 7 He's going to have to have these long, methodical drives. And a lot of people got on him last year for the hero ball.
You know what I mean? He He was turning those plays over. Yeah.

Speaker 7 So it's going to be interesting to see how they do without Tyreek.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. So, Jules, we appreciate you coming on.

Speaker 7 And their defense. Honey Badger's gone.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That guy's a glue guy. Yeah, he is.
I love him. He's a glue guy for defense.
That's a fact. That's a fact.

Speaker 1 We're going to hold you to at least once a month this football season.

Speaker 1 We got to.

Speaker 1 We got to.

Speaker 1 Thursdays with Jules is the best. People love this shit.

Speaker 1 We talk ball,

Speaker 1 watch the game, eat eat some Chinese food, or if you're

Speaker 1 pizza and Chinese food. Fatty.
Fatty.

Speaker 7 Should we do like maybe a healthy night one night?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we could. Salads? We'll just do Chinese and pizza.
Yeah. I can't.
No brownie bites.

Speaker 1 Well, brownie bites, but no caramel dip.

Speaker 1 That's fair.

Speaker 1 Meet us halfway.

Speaker 7 I'll meet you halfway.

Speaker 2 This college football season, we are feeling the cheesiest with Cheez-It, the ultimate irresistible football-watching snack.

Speaker 12 Cheez-It brings 100% real cheese and deliciousness to every game.

Speaker 2 Fuel your game day cravings with cheesy, crunchy, salty deliciousness. And fuel your cheez-it fandom at cheese-it.com.
Use code stool25 for 20% off your order.

Speaker 1 Okay, we're gonna do fantasy fuckboys. I hope you brought one.

Speaker 7 I see, that's honestly, you guys want to know the truth?

Speaker 1 Yes, yeah, I don't like that segment. Oh!

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, damn. Why not? What is it about? I actually, Jules, I'll actually defend you.
I do think there are some people.

Speaker 7 I don't get it as much.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. No, I think there's some people.
Here's the thing.

Speaker 1 You guys used to do what?

Speaker 7 You guys did what? Like the boy band one?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I cracked me up.
Yeah, Fantasy Bad Boys at one point.

Speaker 1 To me, Fantasy Fuck Boys is like,

Speaker 1 I think a lot of people love it. I think there are people who hate it, but to me, it's like it's three minutes long, so it doesn't...
Like, if you...

Speaker 1 If you're like, Fantasy Fuck Boys sucks, like, just skip ahead. But you know what I mean? If it was like the whole show, I'd be like, yeah, that's fair critique.

Speaker 7 But I forgot to mention, I wasn't a fantasy football player either yeah so now that I'm this isn't really

Speaker 1 football

Speaker 1 hey two of my things maybe that's why you don't get it yeah I just don't get the joke I don't get it we don't it's really advanced humor so you probably it's too high level it's above you're a football player so you probably don't get the fact that we're just

Speaker 1 doing Italian accents and screaming nonsense it's also one of those jokes that we started doing I don't even remember when or why but we just you know

Speaker 1 you got to play the hits every now and then

Speaker 1 it also brings energy to the studio yeah Yeah, watch it. You're gonna watch it live.
Should we do it?

Speaker 7 Let's see you guys do it. All right.

Speaker 1 Fantasy fuckboys, week one.

Speaker 7 Do you guys get the music on too? No, no.

Speaker 1 No, we put that as we can. We used to.
We used to. No, I don't think so.
Oh, maybe not. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 This is awkward at all now.

Speaker 1 My name's Mario Didario. My startup Spit.
Mario! Spit is.

Speaker 6 It's the season to spit. Spit on your boy.
Yeah. Spit on your friends.
Fuck you. Spit on your co-star.
Spit on your girlfriends.

Speaker 1 What about your cock? What about your own car?

Speaker 6 Spit everywhere. Great lubricant.
Fucking spit season. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Drink it through.

Speaker 6 My sitim is Christian Kirk.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck that guy.

Speaker 7 Forget about it.

Speaker 1 New team, old legs, guys, trash.

Speaker 6 And my sleep is chili. Yeah.
I bought a crock pot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Some meat.

Speaker 6 Fuck you. I'm going to try and make some chili this weekend.
Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did me too.

Speaker 1 Mario Mario. Show you put the Sunday gravy.
Pray for Mario's butt. Oh, he's gonna be pooping all day.
Go ahead. No, you go.
No, you go. No, you go.
No, you go last. He goes last.
He goes last.

Speaker 1 You go. He goes last.
No, you go. What's up, you dick suckers? It's Vinny Value Jet.
What's up, Vinny? Hey, I'm starting the Acquia Haba Patriot Day 9-11 brunch.

Speaker 1 You guys see the advertisement for that? It looked delicious. They had the Flight 93 redirect crab dip and the Pentagon pie served up hot.
How about that? That's a real thing that they actually had.

Speaker 1 That was really weird. Steady for the Condoleezza Rice Pudding and the Building 7 Lamp dip.
My Sim, I'm sitting any conversations with John Cena for the next month.

Speaker 1 If you see John Cena, walk the other way. Do not pass go.
Do not collect $200.

Speaker 1 The Queen's dead. Don't talk to John.

Speaker 1 Yeah, fuck you, Johnny. My sleeper is Damian Pierce.
This one gets it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sorry. What's he getting? Damian Pierce.
Damian Pierce, he can write. He can tote the rock.
That's all you need. That's Vinny.
That's my sleeper. Give Damian Pierce the fucking football.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, what's up, you fuckheads? It's Vito Papachiso.

Speaker 1 My stardom is Jerry Seinfeld in his new kick line. He looks like he's about to go to a local high school and hit on some chicks.
Jerry would never do that. He's a stand-up guy.

Speaker 1 Nah, speaking of pedophiles, my sinem is Prince Andrew. He's kind of fucked.
His mom died. Who's gonna take care of him now?

Speaker 1 Shit. Hit him with the trio.

Speaker 1 my sleeper russ wilson who what's the trio give me some help who's the trio the trio is jeffrey emson oh he's dead yeah he sleeps with the fishes yeah fuck him uh my sleeper is russell wilson he's gonna go off on monday night uh pi broncos paace calvaciamo that was less driving

Speaker 1 those those broncos got some sick fucks it's gio garino my stot him is mike kosicki is really good. I think he's having a breakout game.
My sit him is Bill de Blasio.

Speaker 1 He's a fake-ass Italian, and I'm glad he's gone. And my sleeper is Queen Elizabeth.

Speaker 11 She sleeps with the fishes.

Speaker 1 Oh, rest in peace, Queen. Queen.
R.I.P.

Speaker 13 Man, I'll tell you what. When you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts.

Speaker 13 That's where Snickers comes in, man. That thing is packed.

Speaker 13 Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk chocolate it's like the mvp of candy bars and when you bite into it boom it sorts you out gets your head back in the game of life satisfying your hunger remember this snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else snickers satisfies man that's a winning play so how'd you grade that jewels

Speaker 1 don't answer I get it.

Speaker 9 You don't get it.

Speaker 11 You're from the West Coast. You don't get it.

Speaker 1 You don't understand.

Speaker 1 You don't catch it.

Speaker 1 You don't catch any any value jet.

Speaker 1 Buddy. You want Colts.
You don't get it, bitch.

Speaker 1 You fucking. You need a Valley girl luck.

Speaker 1 We'll fucking take a baseball batch your car, bitch. Set there in the North End, bro.
Fuck.

Speaker 1 Full East Coast of Tyler here. By the way, I have a stat I forgot to mention.
Speaking of the Queen, RAP, someone, this comes from Colton Smith on Twitter.

Speaker 1 Texas has never lost to Alabama when Queen Elizabeth is not on the throne. They lost to Alabama in 1902, 1915, 1922, 1948.
Texas only lost, or that they beat Alabama then.

Speaker 1 Texas only lost to Alabama as 2010 when the queen was on the throne. Interesting.
Texas is back. Texas is back.
They're back.

Speaker 1 All they needed was the queen to die, and they're back.

Speaker 1 Those things are related. Also,

Speaker 1 so Buffalo is the Queen City. That's its nickname.
We know Cincinnati is also a queen city. Charlotte is a queen city.
I think we got to

Speaker 1 we bet on all the queen cities. What defines a queen city? It's just call it the Queen City.
There's just a bunch of different cities that are nicknamed the Queen City.

Speaker 1 Jay, can you look up and find out what other Queen City? We need to know that going into this weekend. Yeah, real quick.
This is very important. Queen City bet.

Speaker 1 Queen City bet.

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 1 Also, I've made my game of the year Saturday night in Memoriam to Queen Elizabeth. So if she is as big of an AWL as I think she is, she'll be helping me.
Angels in the Outfield kind of thing.

Speaker 10 There's like 30 of them.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
Just going down down the line. Which ones have NFL teams? Denver.
Okay. But they're playing Monday.
But put it in the parlay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Buffalo. Gave one.
Charlotte. Yeah.
Okay. Cincinnati.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 Well, this is awkward. Seattle as well.

Speaker 1 So we can't bet that one.

Speaker 1 Tie. Yeah, okay.
All right. All right.
That's a tie. All right, that was it.
For NFL. Okay, so we just, we do Cincinnati, Charlotte.
Parlayed with a tie. Parlayed with a tie.
Yeah, that's good odds.

Speaker 1 That's really good odds. Hey, Jules, you want to pick a number just for fun? Because you never got to pick a number.

Speaker 10 Pick a number? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Imagine which number you think Hank would pick, and then don't do that one.

Speaker 7 Zero to 100. 0 to 100.

Speaker 5 If he gets this, it's going to be awesome. This would be so awesome.

Speaker 7 What is the whole who's the number of people?

Speaker 1 Just pick a number. Just pick a number.
What's the number? Just any number. You're asking too many questions.
Just pick a number. The number that's going to come up.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm in the fucking Sesame shoe. What's that? Yeah, you're going to have to go.

Speaker 1 Oh, Levin.

Speaker 1 What are you guys picking? Well, we are going to do it for the end. It's just a bonus.
Oh, no. Hank just threw a five.
Hank's never won.

Speaker 1 We've had this for two years, Jules.

Speaker 12 Is that 69?

Speaker 1 53?

Speaker 1 I guess 53 earlier today.

Speaker 1 Fuck. 53? Yeah.
Time travel. You're close.

Speaker 6 What am I, Jake? Like, 300?

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we've had...

Speaker 1 We've had this lottery machine. I bought this thing from China for like three grand.
Best investment I've ever made. Paramount Plus is on there.
Yeah, they sponsor. That's tight.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And we've all gotten it right at least once. Hank has not.

Speaker 1 Wow. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.
You get two? I've gotten multiple. Yeah.
So that means two. Yeah.
Damn, I've gotten four.

Speaker 1 Four? Yeah. A few.
Hank has zero.

Speaker 1 Never got it wrong. Watch, watch.
Hank, guess a number. 11.
He's going to get it wrong. He's going to get it wrong.
He gets it wrong. He's on real.
He's never gotten it right.

Speaker 12 I think statistically.

Speaker 1 We could do this forever and he'll never get it.

Speaker 1 Not even close. Not even close.
What is that? I don't know, but I know it's not even close. I wonder what the stat is.
58. Not even close.
58 and 58. Hank, Hank.
Not even close. Guess again, Hank.

Speaker 1 Guess one more. One more for Florida.

Speaker 7 I hope it's 11.

Speaker 1 He can't. He'll never get it.
He can't help himself. It's insane how bad he is.
He loves getting it off.

Speaker 1 I saw it.

Speaker 12 It's gone.

Speaker 1 What do we got? What do we got?

Speaker 1 21. Oh, it's a great option.
The options. 27.
27.

Speaker 1 Catwaters? Yeah. All right.
Jules, you're the best, man. Thank you.
You like the Bills, bro. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Everyone, go download Games with Names. Games with Names.
And we're going to be on an episode coming up. They'll probably never release it, but...
No, we will...

Speaker 1 I don't even think they turned the cameras on for mine.

Speaker 1 It was a nice prank.

Speaker 7 No,

Speaker 7 the cameras were broken that day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so. But Games with Names, awesome podcast.
He's had Eli on, Peyton on. PFT and I are coming up.
Who else is on? Brewski was on? Brewski.

Speaker 7 We've had Vic.

Speaker 1 We had

Speaker 1 what game did Jas Vic about? We talked about his college. Oh, Vod Tech.
Nice. Yeah.
Yes. So, yeah, check it out.
Very cool idea. Just awesome.
Memory podcast. Yeah.
With the people who lived it.

Speaker 7 People who lived it, people that, you know, celebrities like yourselves. No, we're not.

Speaker 1 Big time celebs. I'm actually in the player category, even though I didn't get any minutes in that game.
Yeah. He was on the team.

Speaker 1 You were on the bench right yeah but the bench counts hey it counts yeah that's i mean look you know you were on the bench for a long time

Speaker 1 special teams

Speaker 1 gotta make them baby

Speaker 1 what's up guys it's big cat here making my irish entrance with proper number 12 irish whiskey how do you make an irish entrance you ask it starts with a shot of proper number 12 irish whiskey because real friends don't let friends irish exit a party without a story to tell.

Speaker 1 Original proper number 12 is rich in a smooth blend of golden grain and single malt. Age four years in bourbon barrels.
Mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger.

Speaker 1 In the mood for something smooth but a little sweeter, try proper Irish apple, a delicious blend of proper's award-winning Irish whiskey with crisp, fresh notes of apple.

Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Okay,

Speaker 1 time for week one. You just heard us talk about Thursday night football, but week one is finally here.
Football is all the way back. We're going to do it like we did last year.

Speaker 1 We're going to go through the board. We're going to talk about each game.
Everyone's going to pick an underdog,

Speaker 1 favorite, an over and under.

Speaker 1 And at the end of the season, we have a punishment. So

Speaker 1 before we do our picks and discuss week one and give a preview that is always wrong,

Speaker 1 this is the part of the show in football season. I love doing Monday shows.
Friday shows, I'll get to Sunday, like, around, like, six o'clock, and someone will tweet me being like, nice call, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm like, wait, what is that? That was two days ago. You're like, huh? Give me a break.
Okay, yeah. Yes.
I don't even remember that. Sorry, I missed my call last year.

Speaker 1 What have you done for me lately, League, right now? So as far as I'm concerned, if you listen to Friday's show on Sunday night, that's on you. You're a fucking weirdo.
Yeah, did you hear?

Speaker 1 My brain is starting to escape me, but

Speaker 1 do you remember Donny Brasco? Of course. Did we ever interview him? Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't remember that. Yeah, recurring guests.
I actually completely forgot. Hank told me about that yesterday.

Speaker 1 But that's just like completely out of my mind. That's actually, it's a testament to Donny Brasco.
If you're undercover in the mob,

Speaker 1 you should be able to forget that guy's face and move on.

Speaker 1 If they ever come up to me, be like, hey, who's that Joe Pistone? Like, never heard of him. No, don't know him.
Yeah. Omerto.
I'm actually just being honest because my brain just lost that fact.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we would be great in the mob just because of all the damaging things we've done to our brain over the years. Yes.
All right, so punishment. Everyone could chime in.

Speaker 1 We got to decide what the punishment is. It should be a punishment that people don't want to do this year.
Don't want to do.

Speaker 1 I've gone very hard. Don't want to do.
I do think that if we want to add a second place element that was very fun.

Speaker 1 Does anyone want to start? Anyone got an idea to start us off? I got one.

Speaker 1 I think it'd be fun if the person that came in last place had to get addicted to cigarettes. Ooh.

Speaker 1 So you have to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day for a month okay i think that'd be fun okay just get somebody's veto somebody's smoking all right there's his veto you use your one veto but all right i think i don't think i don't think jake gets a veto on that well no no no because jake we could do something different with you he no he used his veto i think someone has to the loser has to adopt the same for everyone well i was gonna say the loser yeah it has to be the same for everyone he gets it everyone gets one veto so now that you've used your veto jake i'm gonna say the loser has to adopt uh st bernard

Speaker 1 yeah Yeah, no doubt. I mean, you're going to run into the same problem as last year.
Me and Billy are absolutely going to tank. No, that was a joke.
That was just a joke about him being allergic.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Take the ACT or SAT.

Speaker 1 Classic. That's a classic.
I have a couple.

Speaker 1 What about... Okay, yeah, keep going.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Wait, let me get back. All right, okay.
So take the SAT or ACT. I also had take a college class and you have to pass.
So if you don't pass, you have to retake it.

Speaker 1 You have to keep taking it until you pass.

Speaker 1 That's a good idea. Now, are you allowed to do that? I think there's something that

Speaker 1 can I just enroll in a class, though?

Speaker 1 I just can't be part of. Hang on real quick.
Could I enroll in like Rutgers and they just let me take one class? Yeah, I think so. I think you can just do that.

Speaker 8 Can I take, get like my master's one-year course?

Speaker 1 So now you're trying to expense. These are just ideas.
I'm throwing them out. I have a ton of ideas, Hank.

Speaker 1 We'll have... I had, look, I have a ton of ideas.
I had the take and pass college course. Someone has to wear a Puka Shell necklace for a year.

Speaker 1 fuck that pf2 would lose on purchase yeah oh i didn't even realize you're wearing that i'm bringing it back eat uh eat your weight and chicken wings and you can't eat any other food until you eat your weight and chicken wings hard to follow that's actually pretty healthy as a video

Speaker 1 so so how many how how much does like 50 chicken wings weigh

Speaker 1 I don't know, but this is just an idea. Like, you have to basically, you can't have any other food until you've finished your entire weight and chicken wings.
Okay.

Speaker 6 What happens when you go home?

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 14 Like from work? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You have to post every meal that you eat. Yeah, you can't eat.
You have to just keep eating chicken wings. And it actually shouldn't be, it doesn't have to be weight.

Speaker 1 It has to be like however much you weigh. So like I'm weighing 240-ish.

Speaker 1 I'd have to eat 240 chicken wings. So we're not going to weigh them.

Speaker 1 Oh, so it's just the amount of weights. Okay.
But that's a lot. You can knock that out in a week.
Yeah. So basically, you have to eat chicken wings for a week.

Speaker 1 You can't, you're done when you're done.

Speaker 1 The other food challenge I had was last place. So let's say

Speaker 1 just round numbers, first place has 50 wins, last place, you know, I think we did a half a win for a push. So let's say first place has 50 wins, last place has...

Speaker 10 Last year, Hank had 42.

Speaker 1 And Billy had 35. Okay, so 42, 35, Billy was last place.
He'd have to eat seven hot dogs every day for an entire week. So whatever the distance is, and then second place also.
So what was second place

Speaker 10 40.

Speaker 1 so they'd have to eat two and a half hot dogs every day for an entire week

Speaker 1 these are again i'm just throwing out ideas yeah

Speaker 1 i have a ton of them so i i had one that was uh the loser can't watch the super bowl yeah i'm not the loser veto the loser would you can listen to it veto yeah okay going going down further with this you could have uh joey from out and about describe what was happening in the super bowl to you while you were i'm in the same room well we can't do it they could well no we have to have it be the same for for everyone because it's a whole show.

Speaker 1 Or you have to listen to it in Spanish and figure out what's going on. Part of my take after.

Speaker 1 The loser has to complete the entire NFL combine.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Billy wants to do it. Billy wants to do it.
That's wonderful.

Speaker 8 And a Wonderlick. Yeah, high key.

Speaker 9 They know everything.

Speaker 8 And we get to want to interrogate, like do draft questions.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so all right, that one's off. What about Billy wants to do it? Loser has to get a full panel STD test and publicize the results.
So

Speaker 1 if you got HPV, Billy does not want want to do this. You got HPV.

Speaker 1 Use your veto, Billy. Use your veto.

Speaker 8 Use your veto. You know what? There's no shame in it.

Speaker 1 I had loser gets bit by a snake when we're in Arizona.

Speaker 1 Non-venomous? Non-venomous. Billy, again,

Speaker 1 Billy likes too many of these things. Okay, what about, all right,

Speaker 1 this one really sucks. Loser and Billy, Billy would probably be the best suited for this, but loser has to complete a marathon in an actual marathon with no training.
That sucks. Sucks.

Speaker 1 That's a really bad one, and that would be funny. Wait, what do you mean with no training? Like you can't, you can't like do like distance training and shit beforehand.

Speaker 1 Like you have to just show up to a marathon. We'll actually find

Speaker 1 like the closest. We'll figure out what the closest marathon is because they run them all the time in like small towns and shit.
And we will enter you into the marathon like immediately after.

Speaker 1 What's the time limit on that? Like do most marathons just close or can you just keep going until it's over?

Speaker 1 Like until you're done yeah no you could like you could walk part of it but you have to complete the marathon all right let me see upcoming marathons in arizona

Speaker 1 someone has to i mean this one's bad not exactly the best climate to do it in well in the winter come on it's winter it's a dry heat anyway another one was someone has to spend a weekend homeless in new york city that that's kind of that will get we'll get canceled for that What?

Speaker 8 Like surviving? Like that guy?

Speaker 1 That's like cosplaying as like a homeless person.

Speaker 8 Well, my first idea was to survive in the wilderness, but I thought you guys would be like

Speaker 1 memes said

Speaker 1 that the loser has to apply.

Speaker 6 You dominated that last time you did that.

Speaker 1 I did. That's why I got voted out.
Meme said the loser has to apply to go on the bachelor.

Speaker 1 Like make a full application for that. That one's pretty bad.

Speaker 1 You guys won't do that, though. If you guys went in, I would do it.
The bachelor. Yeah.
Just be like, I'm married. I got two kids.

Speaker 1 I'm here to fuck.

Speaker 6 My idea was something along the lines of like

Speaker 6 a live stream where

Speaker 6 it's maybe like minimum 12 hours.

Speaker 6 And then it's like, depending on, you know, if there's, if the viewers are subscribing in real time and the number goes up, that tacks on like an extra or whatever, 10, 20, 30 seconds, and the stream can go upwards of 24 hours.

Speaker 6 And there's like maybe a... We do like a wheel or some type of selection of things where it's like, there's a very limited amount of things you can do.

Speaker 6 You're in a room with a very small amount of things you can do for that 12 hours. And that way it's like something people can watch along for.
And then, if they want you to stay in and like

Speaker 6 make the stream last, then the viewers have some power themselves too. And it's like it's a 24-hour,

Speaker 6 potentially a 24-hour stream.

Speaker 1 You're thinking content. You're thinking like exclusive content.

Speaker 1 What if there was a stream and you had to stay on the stream until you shit yourself?

Speaker 1 Too easy.

Speaker 1 What if we did?

Speaker 1 I don't hate that one, but what if it was like we made like one of those white padded rooms that you like, there's nothing in it. Solitary can be you just watch someone lose their mind for 24 hours.

Speaker 1 Like they can speak, but they don't have a phone. They don't have a book.
They don't have anything.

Speaker 6 And they can't see the chat.

Speaker 1 They can't do anything.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I mean, that would be.

Speaker 1 That would be hellacious. By the way, I looked up, there's a Mesa marathon the Saturday, the, so it would be like nine days before the Super Bowl, February 4th, in Maricopa County, Arizona.

Speaker 1 Half marathon? Full marathon. Half marathon? Full marathon.
I'm vetoing full marathon. There is a full marathon.
Wow. Oh, wow.
Everyone gets one. Okay.
All right. There is a half marathon.

Speaker 1 It would just be so fucking boring to do a full marathon. Yeah,

Speaker 1 these are all shitty things.

Speaker 8 Waffle house challenge where you have to eat 24 waffles.

Speaker 1 I don't want to steal from somebody else. Yeah, I don't want to steal from somebody else.
Other people have done that one before. Here's a couple more that I had.
I like the idea, though, Billy.

Speaker 1 I just don't want to take from, because that went viral last year with some other, I forget what it was. It was like a podcast or something that did it.
Loser has to get a cat.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 I'd be down for that.

Speaker 6 As long as everyone else has to do it, I'm 100% down.

Speaker 1 Here's a couple others that I had.

Speaker 6 You guys wouldn't do it.

Speaker 1 Loser has to run for public office. They can decide what they want to run for, but they have to earnestly run for public office.

Speaker 1 Like, that would kind of suck. So that would suck because there's...
Depending on where you ran, there is a chance that you get in, and then you have to do that. Correct.
Correct.

Speaker 1 Or resign and decision. You You have to earnestly run for public office.
So you can't be like half-assed.

Speaker 1 Like we would judge you and if you did, if you maybe maybe if you didn't, if we ever thought you weren't earnestly running, you have to do like the solitary confinement.

Speaker 1 Fuck, I'm bringing back the bull moose party.

Speaker 6 Yeah, you do the solitary or solitary confinement, but all you have is like a giant puzzle. And maybe that's the...

Speaker 1 That could be good. I think if we're doing solitary, we got to go true solar.
True solitary. Yeah, but like people are watching and it's like, what about give them something to here's a couple others.

Speaker 1 I guess not. Yeah, no, I mean, I like that idea.
That's definitely at the top of my list right now. Uh, loser has to pay for everything Super Bowl week in pennies,

Speaker 1 so they just have to carry around an entire bag of pennies everywhere they go. And if they want a cup of coffee, they have to try to pay in pennies.

Speaker 1 That would be just funny, just not buying that would be very funny. I feel like that's rude to the businesses where oh, yeah, duh, but good point, Jake.
Money's money, Jake. Okay, um,

Speaker 1 this one's really fucked up, and it would take forever, but I think it would be funny. Loser has to

Speaker 1 beat Kareem's all-time point record.

Speaker 1 So we just put him in a gym, and they have to score 38,388 points. I love that absolutely.
And the second place, but

Speaker 1 here's a couple,

Speaker 1 here's two things that really suck for it.

Speaker 7 You can't shoot in the paint.

Speaker 1 So you can't take layups.

Speaker 1 And the second place person has to rebound. Or no, maybe the first place, the second place person gets to shoot, the last place has to rebound.

Speaker 1 I think it's more frustrating if it's last place has to shoot. No, I think it's way worse to rebound.
Could you imagine rebounding for that long? No, I think the mental torture of just

Speaker 1 missing all those shots over and over and over again, because you also feel like you're responsible for the guy that's rebounding at that point.

Speaker 1 I think it'd be very boring, but oh, I think rebounding would be so much worse. So 38,000 points.
What if it was like that would take forever? Forever. That would take forever.

Speaker 1 The other forever I had,

Speaker 1 loser has to

Speaker 1 get 10,000 points in bowling. So I did the math.

Speaker 1 If you averaged 150 each round,

Speaker 1 it would take like 24 hours. 24 hours of non-stop bowling.
Non-stop bowling. Our arms would fall.

Speaker 1 Our arms would actually fall. They're pretty good, right?

Speaker 1 Those are pretty good.

Speaker 10 At hour 16, can we start using the kiddie ramp?

Speaker 1 No bumpers. No bumpers.
You know the kitty ramp? Yeah, I know the kitty ramp. Oh, what we could do, we could combine those two.

Speaker 1 Second place gets 12 hours to see how many points they can get in bowling, and that will come off the points of Kareem.

Speaker 1 I just think that.

Speaker 6 I don't think the Kareem one is

Speaker 1 doable. That would be so funny, though.
I mean,

Speaker 6 you could stretch that out, though. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But bowling would be funny because it would basically be like, you have to go to the bowling alley. You cannot leave until you have 10,000 points.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, like I said, I think I did the math right. If you averaged 150 each time,

Speaker 6 I'm a huge fan of the bowling and the basketball.

Speaker 1 I think the basketball one would just take it would take weeks. 150, 66.
So it would be 66 games of bowling.

Speaker 1 That's not that much. I mean, it would take probably 15 minutes.

Speaker 10 Yeah, but the fatigue's going to set in.

Speaker 1 Divided by four.

Speaker 1 If you did 15 minutes, it would take 16 hours at 150 a clip. But

Speaker 1 what about the Kareem? What about the basketball

Speaker 1 bowling? The basketball.

Speaker 6 If you had 100 threes, you're only at 300.

Speaker 1 I think that one is just too ridiculous to the point where... I love that one, though.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 I think I would quit. Again,

Speaker 1 these aren't all great ideas.

Speaker 1 I was brain dumping torturous punishments.

Speaker 6 I like the basketball and the bowling one because it kind of combines with mine where it's like that could easily be live streamed.

Speaker 1 It's like

Speaker 6 people just watching you try and score.

Speaker 1 All right, let's figure out the basketball. So let's say, so how many, how many, like, let's say you're shooting free throws.
You can't shoot in the paint.

Speaker 1 How many do you think you would make in like an hour?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I can't even begin to estimate.
Maybe, maybe 50? Wait, 60? More than that. No, baskets?

Speaker 1 So you're not rebounding? No, someone else is rebounding. So I don't know, maybe like 100? I'd say it'd be more, right? I don't play basketball.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you're shooting layups, you can probably get up

Speaker 8 400 shots up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you can shoot, or sorry, if you're shooting free throws, you could probably shoot

Speaker 1 free throw every five seconds, right? Yeah, but that slows down, too, after a while. Of course it does.
Yeah. So, all right, I'm just going to do, someone else have an idea they can throw out there.

Speaker 1 I'm just trying to do some quick math.

Speaker 8 The last 15 minutes of practice was 100 free throws.

Speaker 6 19,000. My other idea was like something, since we're going to be in Arizona, like some type of like kind of to Billies too.
Like you have to be in the desert, surround in the desert for 12 hours.

Speaker 1 That was what I said.

Speaker 1 You have to take Peyote? In the desert.

Speaker 6 Well, Jake's, you can't, you guys are doing stuff Jake's never going to do.

Speaker 1 Jake, would you take Peyote, Jake?

Speaker 1 No. Go on a spirit quest?

Speaker 10 No. But I feel bad if I'm holding everyone back.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 How about Colorado River Toad?

Speaker 1 What about

Speaker 1 Venom? The Grand Canyon. Something with the Grand Canyon.

Speaker 6 But I think just having to walk across a desert for 12 hours is pretty fucking bad.

Speaker 1 That is bad.

Speaker 8 Like a get-home, drop them off in the middle of nowhere.

Speaker 1 I kind of like that, yeah.

Speaker 7 You could camp overnight too, was what I was thinking. That was yeah,

Speaker 14 and like actually camp and like build a fire and shit.

Speaker 1 You have to sneak over the border?

Speaker 1 You get dropped off in Mexico and

Speaker 1 have to get back to Arizona?

Speaker 1 So if you made 50% of your free throws and you shot one every five seconds, it would take you 53 hours to beat Kareem.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that's...

Speaker 1 I think bowling's more realistic. Yeah, bowling's definitely more realistic.
I know, again,

Speaker 1 I was just fighting.

Speaker 1 I think it's a possibility, but we need to change the target on it and say, like,

Speaker 1 I don't know, who's got the most points in college basketball history? Oh, okay, yeah, that's true. Probably Kareem.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. Most points college basketball.

Speaker 8 Hitchhiked the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Hitchhike? You'd probably want to do that. But yeah, what do you think about getting dropped off in Mexico and having to sneak across our border

Speaker 1 into the United States? I think that would that might go under the cosplay thing as well.

Speaker 1 But, I mean, I don't hate it.

Speaker 8 It's actually probably too easy.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, it's way too easy. Yeah, right, Billy.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 If you combine the bowling and

Speaker 1 Kareem.

Speaker 10 3667.

Speaker 1 36.67. That's, I mean, that's.
That's way more.

Speaker 1 That's almost too easy. That's way too easy.

Speaker 1 We could combine the bowling and the shooting. So, like I said, you do someone has to, second place has to bowl for 12 hours, and then you take that off the total.

Speaker 1 And then the other person has to shoot

Speaker 1 till he beats Kareem.

Speaker 1 Thoughts.

Speaker 1 I like the idea of having them joined in the same punishment, though. Like,

Speaker 1 making it easy to explain and being like, they have to do the same thing.

Speaker 1 it's a good idea I like the basketball I would almost say like if we can find a different point total to hit yeah 10,000 points Kobe what's your

Speaker 1 joint solitary confinement 24 hours no that would oh my god murder because the second place I think has to not have as bad

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 still bad all right well we have some ideas so we I mean do we want to decide right now or do we want to

Speaker 1 Do we want to make a decision right now? Tell you what, let's also open it up to the AWLs. Okay.
If they have any suggestions for what the punishment should be, let us know.

Speaker 1 I think the 10,000 points in bowling would be pretty funny. And it would be about 16 hours.
So you would basically just have to be there for an entire day. We find a bowling alley that will stay open.

Speaker 1 And you just have to. And maybe

Speaker 1 the second place has to sit there and

Speaker 1 doesn't get to bowl. Just watch? Yeah, and just watch.
Because that would suck, too. Can you order food? Yeah, you can order food.

Speaker 1 Can you expense that food? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
We have some good ideas.

Speaker 1 I think bowling probably is up there.

Speaker 1 The marathon you vetoed, but that would. I think

Speaker 1 pennies would be pretty funny.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I might retract my veto on the marathon. I just think it's not as bad as some of the other ones.
Right.

Speaker 1 And I think it would be pretty funny to have to go to the Super Bowl and run a marathon with no training. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
Well,

Speaker 1 let's table it and we'll figure it out because it's not, you know, there's four games we're picking right now. So nothing's going to really change.
We'll hear what people say.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll finalize it to four and put it up for a vote next Thursday. Yeah, that sounds good.
That's good. All right.
But just know that we're going to pick something that everybody will hate to do.

Speaker 1 Yes, exactly. Like they have to be dreading doing it and it will just suck really, really bad.

Speaker 1 That's why I think the rebounding should be last place because it really would, if you have to stand there and rebound and you can't shoot a ball, imagine just being in a room with a ball and you're not allowed to shoot it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That will drive you insane.
That would be bad, but I also think that the person that's shooting is going to just, that's going to weigh on them to be like, it's on me to get us out of this room.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're going to go through some cold streaks and it's going to feel like you're going to be trapped in this room forever.
Yeah. I'll crunch some numbers on the basketball.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll change it to a number that is like they have to pretty much shoot 50% for like 18 hours or something to get it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What are LeBron's. LeBron's pretty close.
LeBron's. What about just his playoff points? Yeah.
All right. Well, we'll figure it out.
Let's do some picks. Let's do some picks.

Speaker 1 Does anyone have anything that they like at the top just so we can tell people?

Speaker 1 I guess marathon's a good idea. Marathon.
I've gone from vetoing it to now

Speaker 1 kind of endorsing it. I think bowling, marathon, basketball points, that we can decide a point total that's reasonable.

Speaker 6 Bowling or basketball would be better for the viewer.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I think a marathon would get boring for a viewer. Yeah.
Just watching us walk.

Speaker 1 Should we just do that? Should we just say.

Speaker 6 Also, how do you film a marathon?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Desert.

Speaker 1 10,000 points would be a lot, too. I mean, that would be.
I'm going to crunch those numbers real quick. So if I did that.

Speaker 10 10,000 basketball points.

Speaker 1 10,000 basketball points.

Speaker 10 And everything's twos and threes.

Speaker 1 Everything's twos and threes, nothing in the paint.

Speaker 1 Maybe 10,000 basketball points, and you can't, and you have to shoot like 10 feet away at every time. Yeah.
I'd be shooting threes. Seven.
Yeah, I mean, threes would. Analytics, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Makes sense. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. I don't think I'd ever get out of that gym.

Speaker 1 I don't play basketball. I mean, what do you want? What if we made like half court, like 10?

Speaker 1 I mean, that would suck for the rebounder, yeah. That would be really bad for the rebounder.

Speaker 9 What about paintball firing squad?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, paintball hunt someone in a paintball. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 They don't get a gun.

Speaker 6 I think longevity is what is truly like

Speaker 6 the dreadful part of this. Like, a quick punishment that, like, a paintball firing squad be temporary pain, but like something where it's like, I don't want to do this, and I have

Speaker 6 at least 10 hours still before I could possibly even be done with this, is much, much more of a punishment and like something you don't want to happen. What about like a paintball firing squad?

Speaker 6 It's like, all right, I lost, I'm going to suck it up, take these paintballs, and then it's over.

Speaker 8 10 hours, most dangerous game, hunting a person.

Speaker 1 Wait, like, actually, that the

Speaker 8 loser gets hunted.

Speaker 1 The loser gets hunted. What about

Speaker 1 rollerblading from San Diego to Los Angeles?

Speaker 1 I like that one.

Speaker 1 As a duo. By the way, the basketball, if we did...
What? Oh!

Speaker 6 Go ahead.

Speaker 6 The loser in second place.

Speaker 6 Tandem bike

Speaker 6 around New York.

Speaker 1 Wait, is it going to be raining? Yeah. If it's on a Friday and it's raining, I don't...

Speaker 1 That would be tough.

Speaker 1 The trails get muddy.

Speaker 1 Did the Chicklets do that? Did Grinelli do that? Yeah. Yeah.
Well,

Speaker 1 He did a rollerblading. He did a city bite.
If we did 10,000 points in basketball, it would take about

Speaker 1 15 hours

Speaker 1 if you shot 50%.

Speaker 1 I like that. I mean, that's pretty good.

Speaker 10 You think we would shoot 50%?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'll shoot higher.
I mean, 50% from free throw is like, it's not.

Speaker 10 Yeah, 50% from free throw.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What if the loser

Speaker 1 has to write a book and get it published? That seems like you want to do that. No, I know.

Speaker 10 That's not good for the viewer. Yeah.

Speaker 1 For the consumer. For the reader.
For the reader. Yeah.

Speaker 10 But I feel like they want to see us struggle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Hank, use your veto on that. Vito.
Okay,

Speaker 1 cat bet.

Speaker 6 It's a million times easier for you to write that. All right, let's

Speaker 1 do

Speaker 10 bowling or basketball.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bowling or basketball. I think we can combine them too.
I'll think about it more. I think it's something where the second place person has to bowl to get a point total off of the...

Speaker 1 Because actually, it would be even more torturous if the last place person had to rebound for themselves.

Speaker 1 I also don't hate the idea of the live stream in a room with like solitary confinement going on. Maybe, but with maybe one thing that you can do.
That would

Speaker 1 really drive. Okay, nice.
What? Bonk. Put it on the list.

Speaker 10 Also, if we're going to have two people, should we have the bottom two do it? Because we couldn't root for our picks until like the last week.

Speaker 1 The second place is chaos.

Speaker 10 But it's not enjoyable for the first 15 weeks.

Speaker 1 Right, but then it gets chaotic. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Very chaotic.

Speaker 10 But like you could root hardcore for your picks through a whole season.

Speaker 1 Either way, I think we have some good. I think we have some good options.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but then if you're up by like five games, you're not worried about it. It's fun.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 we'll tweak it. We'll tweak it, and then we will put it up to an AWL vote next week.

Speaker 1 What about the loser has to go all the way around the world without using a cell phone?

Speaker 6 That sucks. How do we do the podcast?

Speaker 1 To record. Well, you don't use a cell phone to record the podcast.
Basically, you just have to take like three flights on a weekend.

Speaker 6 That would suck. Yeah, I mean, if I did that, I'd be gone for a month.

Speaker 1 That's That would be funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, yeah, like that's

Speaker 1 not opposed to that.

Speaker 6 I'm just like, full disclosure, if I'm going across to Europe, like, I'm going to.

Speaker 1 Also, Hank would just sleep on the plane, so he'd be fine. What if you

Speaker 1 have to go around the world? You can't use a plane or a phone. That would take so long.
Just boats and trains, baby.

Speaker 6 I mean, I'm down for that.

Speaker 1 That takes so long. Actually, I'm just talking myself into another.
It's a road trip again. Yeah, yeah, that's another one.
Except a cooler, maybe an all-time road trip. Way cooler road trip.

Speaker 1 All right, well, we'll put up to a vote. We have some good ideas.

Speaker 1 We'll tweak them to see, because I think it's like, it's got to be in that like 12 to 16 hour, 12 to 18 hour range where it's like enough time, but it doesn't, it's not so long that people will like be like, this is so stupid.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's do some picks, though. Let's do some picks.
We'll talk about all the games.

Speaker 1 Let's start with our favorites. I love all the underdogs this week, by the way.
Yeah, there's only one favorite that I like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's, I think this is the most underdogs that have ever happened in a week one since 1978. So I think there's 11 underdogs.

Speaker 1 Or sorry, home underdogs. Okay.
Home underdogs, yeah, obviously. There's 16 underdogs.
16, yeah. Home underdogs since

Speaker 1 1978. Like the board is just littered with home underdogs.

Speaker 1 Hank, you want to start with your favorite?

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 1 Max is in this as well, obviously.

Speaker 10 And if the line changes, I'm using the live Barcelon Sportsbook line, so I'll correct.

Speaker 1 Okay, you did. All right, great, perfect.

Speaker 6 My favorite, I'm torn between two, but I'm going to go with our guy, Jameis, Saints, minus five and a half.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's, I mean, it's a lot of points on the road, but I like it. Also, this is the start.
Falcons, Falcons,

Speaker 1 this is the start of Jameis attempting to be the first quarterback ever to defeat every bird team in a season.

Speaker 1 He's got the opportunity. If it flies, it dies.
Jameis Winston taking on the bird gauntlet. We're going to keep updating that as the year goes along.

Speaker 6 And I think week one with a new quarterback, like you just never know.

Speaker 6 It could be a complete disaster.

Speaker 1 I actually have the Falcons, but yeah, I can get to my reasoning when we get the underdogs. But I do think the Saints are going to be, like, I don't hate the Saints to win the NFC South.

Speaker 1 I think their defense is going to be very, very good. And it feels like they, like, I mean, I've always, I kind of shit on Drew Brees towards the end of his career.

Speaker 1 But if Jameis could stay healthy for the entire season, like, they have a roster. I also think that Sean Payton might be doing like some shadow coaching this year because the way that he left, right?

Speaker 1 He left thinking that he was going to get the Miami job and he's probably going to get the Dallas job next year. But he was planning on coaching football this year.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so he's still very in tune. It's his predecessor, like that he hand-selected almost, that's taken over the team.

Speaker 1 I think Sean Payton's still definitely involved in this. I can't wait to see the Kevin James movie about this in like six years.
Yes. All right, Max, your favorite, favorite?

Speaker 7 This is pretty easy.

Speaker 14 I'm going to go Birds minus four. Eagles minus four against the Lions.
The Lions are the hard knocks darling. Everyone loves the Lions this year.
Underrated team. Underrated team from everybody.

Speaker 14 Birds are going to put

Speaker 1 that on right away.

Speaker 1 I feel like the Eagles are not underrated, though. No, he's saying the Lions.

Speaker 14 Everyone's saying the Lions are their dark horse team to be.

Speaker 1 Oh, everyone's saying that the Lions are the underrated team. Yeah, I get that a little bit.

Speaker 1 I've heard a lot of people, and I'm not talking about Big Head here, but I have heard a lot of people in the national media say like the Eagles. Yes, Chargers, Eagles, Vikings.

Speaker 1 The Chargers, Eagles, and the Vikings are the three this year. Yeah.
That like too many people and the Bills, but yeah, Ruby Bills. Those are the favorites.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But those are really the four teams that everybody's hyping up.

Speaker 1 I don't hate it, though, because I like your logic that everyone is rooting for. I'm obviously very biased.
I'm going to pick my best. Everyone's rooting for the Lions.

Speaker 1 Does it change your opinion at all knowing that the Eagles will be part of the can't lose parlay?

Speaker 1 No. Love it.
Love it. Love that.
Okay. Love it.

Speaker 6 We have conflicting parts.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's going to be in your Hungry Dog.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. PFT, your favorite, favorite.
Okay, my favorite. This one was easy.
This one was easy for me. I don't know what you guys were looking at, but my card, it popped out at me.

Speaker 1 Titans minus five and a half at home against the Giants. I think the Giants are big, stinky poop.
Saquon. Yeah.
I think they're big, stinky poop, though.

Speaker 1 And I think that the Titans, we have a bad taste in our mouth from them from last year in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 They were the number one seed, and they did play the most players in the history of the NFL on their roster. And they have Mike Rabel.
I don't think that Ryan I've never said Ryan Tannehill is bad.

Speaker 1 I say that he is just not as good as some people think that he is. And he'll never be, he'll never be,

Speaker 1 what were the kids saying? He'll never be him. He'll never be him.
Right? He's not Ryan Tannehill. He's never next up.
He's never next up. He's never that guy.

Speaker 1 He's never built different. I think he's definitely good enough.
He's got some dog in him. Yeah.
He's got

Speaker 1 a little boxer in him. Yeah, for sure.
Absolutely. He's good enough to beat the Giants who I think are going to be very bad this year by six points at home.

Speaker 1 Okay, my favorite is the Broncos minus six and a half. Monday Night Football.

Speaker 1 I just, I feel like Russ is going to, like, I know that obviously every game he tries, but I, this is going to be a game that he's like, hey, Nathaniel Hackett, like, can you please showcase me throwing it deep constantly to prove what they're missing?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, Russ has been pretty pissed off about the Seahawks for a couple years now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We had a debate. I can't remember what show, but do you think he's going to get booed?

Speaker 1 No. No.
Seattle loves him because. I don't think so either.
I've said no, but I've heard a lot of people be like, yeah, they should bull.

Speaker 1 No, Seattle, they love him because he's the guy that brought a Super Coach to Seattle. No one else has ever been able to do that.
Correct.

Speaker 1 That's what I agree with you on that. Yeah, he's got a pass for life.
We have two Super Bowl returning revenge games this week with Flacco and Russell Wilson. Yeah, that's true.
Big time.

Speaker 1 All right, Billy, your favorite favorite?

Speaker 8 The Colts, minus seven against the Texans.

Speaker 8 This is more because I think the Texans, you know, they've kind of been a dumpster fire last year, but I think the Colts are going to get up, pull their starter, put Sam Alleninger in.

Speaker 1 He's going to put another touchdown on top. Wait, do you know who the starter for the Colts is?

Speaker 1 You got this. You got this.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I do. I do.
Yeah, you can.

Speaker 1 Because the way that you lost it, come on, Billy.

Speaker 5 No, I blanked. I blanked it.

Speaker 8 Freaking Falcons. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yep. Yep.
Yep. Falcons.
Falcons. The kid from the bottom.

Speaker 8 I know, but I just blanked. He went to high school in Philadelphia.
He went to B.C.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 Maddie Ice. Yeah, there we go.
Maddie Ice.

Speaker 1 You had it. You had it.
All right, Jake, yours.

Speaker 10 Mine is also a revenge game. It is Carolina minus one and a half against the Browns.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Baker is ready. And we saw Memes, I think, sent that quote yesterday, but Nick Chubb, when asked about Baker Mayfield, he's like, we all know Baker, so we don't know what to expect.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's perfect encapsulation

Speaker 1 Mayfield experience. I think Jeff D.
Lowe has a bet that he's going to put out.

Speaker 1 He's going to take a live line on this game depending entirely on how his first pass goes.

Speaker 1 So if Baker's first pass sails, sails, if it misses him by like four feet over the receiver's head, then Jeff D. Lowe is going to bet the house on the Panthers.

Speaker 1 Oh, on the British, or sorry, on the Browns game. If it connects, then he's going to bet the house on the Panthers because that's how much of a head case Baker can be sometimes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 His first through gets in his head. I like that.
All right, let's do underdogs. Hank.

Speaker 6 A lot of underdogs.

Speaker 6 I like a lot of underdogs myself. With you, Big Cat, I will have the Hungry Dog parlay plus like 17 units last year.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to take the biggest one, the Bears. Yeah.
Seven points week one is a lot. Frisky.
Frisky. Trey Lance.

Speaker 6 There's a lot of turmoil in San Francisco. Trey Lance, Jimmy G, you don't know what's going on.
Seven points. Again, week one, you never know where things are going to line up.

Speaker 6 You never know things, how are we going to shake up?

Speaker 6 Seven points is a lot in the NFL.

Speaker 1 I also think...

Speaker 6 Third six and a half, I wouldn't take it, but seven is a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you also don't know what you're going to get with the coach of the Bears. Right.
Yeah. With Aberflues.
Well, no, it's really, I know what we're going going to get. It's not Matt Nagy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, watching them in the preseason, they were doing stuff where it's like, oh, they're kind of doing the small things correctly now. They're doing competent football.

Speaker 1 I don't, they're not going to be good, but I do think they're going to be frisky this year, which means

Speaker 1 if I'm right, frisky means covering a lot of spreads and maybe one big win where they were a seven or seven plus underdog.

Speaker 1 Did you hear, like, there was a reporter that asked Trey Lance about why he's not a captain.

Speaker 1 And the question was, like, you ever look at your teammates that got the offensive captain and say, like, what are these bozos doing with the captain's mark?

Speaker 1 He was like, no, I know, I don't think that my teammates are bozos. That's such a weird fucking question to ask.

Speaker 1 But it does make a little bit of sense to be like, hey, you'd ideally like your quarterback to be the captain of the team. Yes.

Speaker 1 But that's something that Colin Coward, I can already tell you right now, Colin Coward's going to be like, he's not a captain. Yep.
Can't trust him. Yep.
Yeah, big time. All right, your underdog, Max.

Speaker 14 I'm going to go with Patriots plus three and a half in Miami.

Speaker 14 I looked at the numbers.

Speaker 14 Dolphins are getting 65% of the public.

Speaker 14 That was alarming. Three and a half is a good number.
Belichick, this is kind of one of the first years. It's like, all right, he has his quarterback.
He's had a year to prep with him.

Speaker 1 And they're being, I don't know, no one's really talking about the Patriots, and I feel like Belichick's going to get him going.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was also alarmed when you told me the public numbers on that game. Yeah.
Consider me alarmed. That's my pick as well, as opposed to it's plus three at the Dolphins.

Speaker 1 A lot of people are talking about the Dolphins offense.

Speaker 1 Show me. Yeah.
Show me.

Speaker 1 Show me. I agree.
You got to see it first. I need to believe it.
I need to see it. Yep.
All right. So my underdog is the Falcons plus five and a half.

Speaker 1 One quick stat. Divisional dogs, week one since 2005 are hitting at 61.7%.

Speaker 1 So I'm just going with that. I'm writing the numbers on that.
I think that also

Speaker 1 applies applies to the Vikings and

Speaker 1 I don't know what other, I don't think there's any other teams that are divisional homedogs. Oh, the Texans as well.
The Texans and the Vikings are also divisional home underdogs.

Speaker 1 Okay, Billy.

Speaker 8 Go with Jets plus seven against the Ravens.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you will. You got to open with it.
Yeah, you got to open it.

Speaker 8 I already took them already, so I'm just going to go down with the ship if it doesn't happen. But plus seven, Joe Flacco is said to have thrown a veteran ball to his receivers.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's how you describe the veteran ball.

Speaker 8 A very catchable ball.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the way they were describing it made it seem like his ball is better than Zach's ball.

Speaker 8 Well, it's just a veteran ball. The rookie ball will catch up.

Speaker 6 And they're going to be emphasizing the

Speaker 6 contact after five yards.

Speaker 6 That was the thing that refs are told to key in on this year, which is just going to make it more annoying, and there's going to be more penalties, and that's right up Flacco's alley.

Speaker 6 He's the king of exploiting penalties.

Speaker 1 Joe Flacco is going to throw at least five passes that go 40 yards in the air when they should go 45 yards, and then the receiver is going to get a pass interference penalty called

Speaker 1 for him by the defender running into him as he's going back to get the ball. Yes.

Speaker 1 That's what Flacc Wilson does, baby. Yes.
It's Flacco's team. I like it.
I don't think that Flacco's like the guy that's going to be...

Speaker 1 I'll put it this way. Flacco wins three out of four games.

Speaker 1 You kind of have to keep him in there, right? Yes. Right, the hot hand.
That's what I'm rooting for. I'm rooting for a little controversy.
Well, well i i like man i love flacco

Speaker 1 wilson just needs time he's got all the intangibles he just needs experience and to get comfortable and like being behind a guy like flacco would be great that's like aaron rodgers behind brett favre yeah yeah the um i also don't really the wide receivers of the ravens i mean they don't have hollywood brown anymore uh Devin Duvernay, I think, is their...

Speaker 1 No, Rashad Bateman, I think, is their wide receiver one. Devin Duvernay is their wide receiver two.
I want to see that, too. I want to see what that looks like.

Speaker 1 Jake.

Speaker 10 I'm going to fade Billy here and take the Texans plus seven at home versus the Colts. Mills Mafia.
Divisional game, seven points at home. Texans have the Deshaun thing in the rearview mirror.

Speaker 10 No more of a headache.

Speaker 1 I think they can win this game. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I do like it. I like the division home underdogs.

Speaker 8 What do you say, Billy? Sam Ellinger, homecoming year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you forgot about Sam Ellinger.

Speaker 1 When he gets in, he's back in Texas. He's going to be put in in the second half.
Fuck. After that, the starter has to take a seat.

Speaker 8 Matt Ryan, I'm really bad with Names.

Speaker 1 I do like Damian Pierce. He's the PFT eyeball player of the year, just for preseason.
So I think that

Speaker 1 he might find his way into our little Mount Rushmore bet sooner rather than later. Oh, yeah, yeah.
All right.

Speaker 1 Hank, you're over.

Speaker 6 There's two that I love, and just in the sense that they just screamed, this should be over, who knows? I'll probably do some type of baldernate where I combine the two and extend it.

Speaker 6 But I'm going to go with my official pick as the Raiders and Chargers yep that's mine as well 52 Derek Carr MVP yep I have have preseason MVP odds on him

Speaker 6 and I mean Justin Herbert everyone loves the Chargers they have Devontae Adams should just be points points points points points

Speaker 1 so it's root for points yeah so this I'm gonna say something that doesn't make any sense at all unlike normally but uh Derek Carr he seems like a guy that should not exist in summertime like hot weather well yeah he seems he's like yeah he only He's vampire adjacent.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he shows up in the fall and the winter. That's when I can see, that's when I understand Derek Carr as being a human being.

Speaker 1 In the summertime, I just can't picture him if it's too sunny. Yeah.
All right, I'm taking the over as well in that game. Max, what's yours?

Speaker 14 I'm taking Steelers-Bengals over 44.5. I'm a believer in Mitch.

Speaker 6 I think under a good coach, come back player of the night.

Speaker 14 Mitch is going to come out firing, trying to show that he should be the starter, and obviously going against Burrow. I think it's going to be a shootout.

Speaker 6 Okay. I feel so bad for Mitch.
Why? Just the worst situation you could possibly be in.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But that's also because he hasn't been great.

Speaker 6 Well, he was 3-0 on the Bears, got benched.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 6 he brought them to the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 6 And then now he's in a situation where no matter how well he plays, people are going to want Pickett.

Speaker 5 Correct. I think

Speaker 1 it's not that bad of a situation. He's getting a chance to start.

Speaker 6 Ideal situation you could be in a situation.

Speaker 1 But he's getting the chance to start for a historically good team that's patient with people. I feel like it could be a lot worse for him.
He just had, I mean, it's time repeating.

Speaker 1 Like, he is Mike Glennon. When Mike Glennon was named QB1 for the Bears, and then they drafted Mitch.

Speaker 1 Right, but they drafted Mitch, and then Mitch was QB1 for the Steelers. They drafted Kenny.

Speaker 11 Pickett's also listed as QB3.

Speaker 1 No, copy and paste there. Clerical issue.

Speaker 1 There's a copy and paste issue that was a copy and paste issue. Remember Wednesday's show? Okay, my bad.
No, that's all right.

Speaker 1 I mean, Mike Tomlin did initially list him as number three. Yeah.
Yeah, that did happen.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 where are we? Over. My over.

Speaker 1 I've got Jets Ravens over. We already talked about that one.
Joe Flacco. I think Joe Flacco.
Yes. That's right.
Really just holding my nose and taking Flacco.

Speaker 10 44 and a half. All right.

Speaker 1 I have Chargers, Raiders as well. Billy?

Speaker 8 I like Browns, Panthers, 42. I think we're going to get Ball Grab Baker back.
Baker in Kentucky in Kansas, Kansas. We're going to get that game.

Speaker 8 I think he's going to go off. I I think he's going to run up the score.
I see points. I think they can put it together.

Speaker 8 I kind of think that both teams' defenses are a little loose, and we could see some points get put up.

Speaker 1 Baker is the one guy that I will probably always bet on in a revenge game. Yeah.
Because he does take it way more seriously. Yeah, he's very upset.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 Baker, if you went up to Baker like, you're mad,

Speaker 1 you're almost always correct. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jake, finish us off with the over, and then we'll do the unders, and we'll do Firefest.

Speaker 10 I'm going to go with Packers, Vikings over 47. I think Rodgers comes hot out of the gate, gets his team in the 30s.
Kirk Cousins is good for 17 points.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I don't hate that one either.

Speaker 1 I do think we're going to win every bet this year. The Packers are.

Speaker 1 They're weird at wide receiver, aren't they? Oh, they've got like Sammy Watkins. These are weird.
Sammy Watkins is maybe the weirdest wide receiver in the league.

Speaker 1 Alan Lazarda, I don't even know if he's healthy. Like, it's a weird wide receiver.
Very strange. Yes, yes.
All right, unders. Let's finish up with unders.

Speaker 6 Jets, Ravens, Flacco fucking stinks. Lamar Jackson has no wide receivers.
That's going to be like a 20-point game total.

Speaker 1 That's mine as well.

Speaker 1 And I agree with you. I think it's just going to be defense, defense, defense.
And a lot of like frustrating Flacco

Speaker 1 gets a first down and then three incomplete passes. You're forgetting about his veteran ball.
That's true. Veteran ball.
Max, you're under.

Speaker 14 I'm taking Falcons, Saints. I think Saints' defense is really good, and I actually think the Falcons might not score at all.

Speaker 1 Whoa,

Speaker 1 shut up.

Speaker 1 Shut out.

Speaker 1 As long as it finishes 3-0, I'll be happy.

Speaker 1 Okay, PFT. I'm taking the under in the Jaguars Commanders.
Yeah, we talked about this. In Ral John, Maryland.
Yeah. The honorary Lunder on behalf of the Queen.
Carson Wentz revenge game.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, it's a Carson Wentz revenge game against Doug Peterson. Well, no, the Jaguars and Doug Peterson.
The Jaguars bounced him from the playoffs. It's a double revenge game in that case.

Speaker 1 It's also the Queen's favorite team against the quarterback that looks the most like her grandson.

Speaker 1 So that's kind of a revenge game, too.

Speaker 1 Me and Chaps do have a bet on this just straight up. We're creaming.
We're getting creamed. Loser gets creamed in this one.
Shave, full shave? Full shave. Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 I feel like he has a lot more to lose than I do. Yeah.
I show up with a full shave, and they're just like, oh, who's that 12-year-old girl? Yeah, when Chaps does it.

Speaker 1 You gotta make sure you have the girl. Yeah, yeah.
When Chaps does it, it's like, oh, my God, what is that? No, it's bad. It's bad.
When he gets creamed, it's lookout. Hide your kids.

Speaker 1 So under 44 in that game. I think it's going to be ugly.
All right, I have that Jets Ravens with Hank. Billy and Jake wrap us up.
And then we'll do our Mount Rushmore as well.

Speaker 8 I got Bucs, Cowboys, 50.5.

Speaker 8 I think Tom Brady leaving training camp. I mean, the offense can't be as in tune as him being at training camp.
Todd Bowles is defensive coach.

Speaker 8 I can see the Bucs defense being pretty stern against the Cowboys. Does Zak get it done? with Ezekiel Elliott and put some points up? Maybe, but I don't think he does it.

Speaker 1 I like these headlines. I like these headline questions.
This is like a first take. Is Zach going to be able to get it done?

Speaker 1 Are you saying that?

Speaker 1 Is Zach going to be able to get it done this year? What quarterback has more to prove than Dak Prescott?

Speaker 1 Coming up next?

Speaker 1 I think that was a compliment. Yeah, no, that was.
That was. Those were good.
Like, if I walk by a TV in an airport and it's like, is Dak going to get it done this year?

Speaker 1 I probably am stopping to listen. Is Dak him? Yeah, yeah.
That's definitely something I'd stop and watch. Greenie is definitely at some point this year.
I'm calling my shot.

Speaker 1 He's going to say Patrick Mahomes is him. Oh, yeah.
Oh, Oh, yeah. He's probably going to try to force a Zach Wilson as him.
Yep. After a good game.
All right, last one under.

Speaker 10 I'm with PFT. Jaguars Commanders under 44.
I think this is our best chance for a Gami in week one, 15-11 final.

Speaker 1 Whoa, you got Gami alert. Okay,

Speaker 1 walk me through how we get to 15-11 here, Jake.

Speaker 10 Five field goals.

Speaker 1 Okay. And then a touchdown.
Have you seen the field in Ral John, Maryland? Yeah. Gonna be tough to kick off.

Speaker 10 That touchdown, extra two-point conversion and a field goal.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 I just realized that I'm just going against what I asked you to get me ready for, Jake, so I'm going to change my underdog to the Cardinals because I did tell you all offseason I have to bet the Cardinals and Sipper.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I have the reminder against that.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to, in that game, we didn't talk about Cardinals, Chiefs is going to be a very fun afternoon game.

Speaker 1 I will take that instead of the Falcons because I also just check the line after Max's five and a half. I know it's stupid, but like Max being like, oh, yeah, the Falcons are going to get shut out.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, yeah, they probably are. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is JG Watt going to play? I don't know. He's hurt, right? Yeah.
He's got that rattlesnake. That baby rattlesnake

Speaker 1 in his bathroom. Wait, really? Yeah, you remember that?

Speaker 1 He went to take a shit one morning and there's a baby rattlesnake. He was tweeting about it, being like, does anyone know what to do with a snake in your bathroom?

Speaker 1 They'd probably try to find the mother rattlesnake. Yeah, well, someone had a great reply.
They're like, just pull up your pants, dude.

Speaker 15 For those of you who don't know, woke up this morning, went to the bathroom, found a baby rattlesnake in the corner of the bathroom, curled up in the corner.

Speaker 1 I'm from Wisconsin.

Speaker 15 Don't have a lot of experience with snakes. A couple garden snakes here or there, a couple in Houston, but don't know a lot about snakes.
Don't know how to handle snakes. Not a big fan of snakes.

Speaker 15 When I got down here to Arizona, everybody said, you know, watch out for the scorpions and watch out for the rattlesnakes. You know, you live close to the mountains, there's going to be snakes.

Speaker 15 Monsoon season brings out the snakes. Stay away from rattlesnakes.
Babies are the most venomous rattlesnakes because they don't know how to handle their venom. They shoot it all in their first bite.

Speaker 15 So I got all this stuff in my head.

Speaker 15 So I call a guy.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know what to do.

Speaker 15 So I call this guy and he comes out to the house

Speaker 15 and he takes a look at it

Speaker 15 and he just picks it up with his bare hands

Speaker 15 and he goes, ah, it's not a rattlesnake. It's a long, long-nosed snake.
Completely harmless. And then he left.

Speaker 15 So.

Speaker 15 If you ever want to feel like a wimp,

Speaker 15 that's the way to do it.

Speaker 1 That's good. Baby rattlesnake.
Yeah. Yeah.
I retweeted that one. That's funny.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Can I just say my firefest and then leave?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can. Well, let's do Mount Rushmore real quick.
With your Mount Rushmore, right? Who are the picks?

Speaker 1 So every week on Sunday, there will be a pardon-my-take bet in Barstool Sportsbook exclusives. It's four runners to go over 50 yards.
I don't know what the odds will be, but check it out. Bet with us.

Speaker 1 Barstool Sportsbook under exclusives. Give us your

Speaker 1 go, Hank. Tell us who you have.
Saquon. All right.
PFT. Okay, so we're trying to do it for Sundays.
Sundays, Sundays. For Sundays only.
So in that case, I'm going to go with

Speaker 1 Najee. Okay.
I'll do Austin Eckler. And then who do you guys have?

Speaker 1 This is going to be great, too, because if one of us fucks up the whole bet, we will obviously use that to blame them and belittle them and basically make fun of them. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Okay. DeAndre Swift.

Speaker 1 DeAndre Swift.

Speaker 1 Okay. If he doesn't get arrested.
Yes.

Speaker 16 The pro football football show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game.
Chevy Silverado is America's most dependable full-size truck.

Speaker 16 Whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff, the Silverado is one ride that's always game ready. Just like football, it's about grit, grind, and getting it done.

Speaker 16 Head to Chevy.com to learn more and build your own Chevy Silverado.

Speaker 1 Before we get to Firefest, PFT, you had one quick ad?

Speaker 17 Falls here, kids are back in school, vacations are over, and cozy season is officially on. You know what that means? Bombus season is on.

Speaker 17 Bombus makes the most comfortable socks ever, and they even make slippers, tees, underwear, all crafted from premium materials. Perfect for this time of year and cozying up for football watching.

Speaker 17 Their slippers are also Sherpa lined, which feels like you're walking on the clouds. Bombus really has it all.

Speaker 17 And if you head over to bombus.com/slash audio, you can use the code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S.com slash audio.

Speaker 9 Code audio at checkout.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's let's wrap up with Firefest. So go bet that that will be those four.
DeAndre Swift, Austin Eckler, Najee, and who is your pick again? Saquon. Saquon.

Speaker 1 So all four of those guys have to go over 50 yards rushing, and you will hit the Mount Rushmore bet. I'm excited to bet on this.
Everyone follow along.

Speaker 1 Let's do Fire Fire Fest of the week. Hank, why don't you get us going?

Speaker 6 My Fire Fest is at. I'm a corporate suit and I'm late for a meeting, so I'm going to have to leave this recording and probably just get roasted while I'm not here.

Speaker 6 And you guys are continuing Firefest.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's fine. What's your number as you walk out?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's going to be fun.

Speaker 6 I mean, Jake's in here, so I know you guys won't fuck with me.

Speaker 1 That is true. It is great having Jake around to just being like, he is just because I know he's integrity.

Speaker 6 But it's like he, I would just look him in the eyes and wouldn't know if you're telling the truth.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's walking integrity because you know that like I would absolutely be like, if you hit it, just everyone would be like, don't tell him he hit it.

Speaker 1 Or he didn't hit it and everyone tell him he hit it and Jake would just crumble. I think if we if we asked Jake to lie about it and we even threatened him with his job, he would just devolve.

Speaker 1 He would develop a rash. No, he wouldn't be able to look anybody in the eyes because he'd be keeping the secret too long.

Speaker 1 He would just take the sword that he keeps underneath his desk and seppuku himself.

Speaker 1 I can't lie. I'm dead.
Six. Six.
Okay, I'm writing that down. All right.
PFT, your fire fest. My fire fire fest of the week is that I am now approximately a hundred hours without zinning.

Speaker 1 And it's such a dumb decision. I don't know why I decided to do this.
I left Lake Charles, which is, by the way, we went back to Lake Charles over the weekend. Fantastic.

Speaker 1 The Liberus Casino, Barcelona Sportsbook was incredible.

Speaker 1 But I forgot to pack enough Zen for the road, as you've heard on this podcast for the last couple months.

Speaker 1 We're Zenthusiasts, is the best way to put it. And And I didn't pack enough for the trip back.
So by the time I got back, I was about a day, you know, 24 hours without zinning.

Speaker 1 I figured, let's use it. Let's use this momentum and see if maybe I can quit zinning because I was doing it a lot.
And it fucking sucks. I'm getting like headaches, jaw aches.

Speaker 1 My mouth is salivating at all hours. I can't sleep at night.
I woke up in the middle of the night and I watched fucking tennis last night because it was something to do. I was fucking watching tennis.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. No, I felt like I needed a cigarette afterwards, not because it was good tennis, but because

Speaker 1 I wanted to die. I wanted to die faster, so I wanted to smoke.

Speaker 1 But it was, it's been bad. It's been very tough.
And I don't, I've reached a point where last night I looked at my Zen.

Speaker 1 I'm keeping like a tin of Zen on my coffee table just to be like, I'm better than you, Zen. I can defeat you.
And I was looking at it. I was like, why? I don't understand why I'm doing this to myself.

Speaker 1 I could just Zen and it would be fine probably. It doesn't give you lung cancer.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why am I quitting doing this before football season when it's the most stressful time of year? But I feel like maybe I'm close to that hump, so I'm going to try to stop.

Speaker 1 So that's my fire fest.

Speaker 1 I'm driving myself insane because I'm quitting something for a reason I don't fully understand for a benefit I'm not sure I'll ever fully realize. Yeah, but that's good.
You got this.

Speaker 1 I'll support you. Thank you.
Yeah, I'm going to support you. My fire fest, so we're taping this early.

Speaker 1 Well, obviously, we did the beginning of the show after the game, but at 5.30 tonight, I have the first ever

Speaker 1 formal

Speaker 1 parent-teacher conference kind of thing that I have to go to, and I'm just dreading it so much. Like, I have to be there with other adults and like sit there and talk about like God knows what.

Speaker 1 I'm just, I don't know what I'm going to do. Like, it's just going to suck so bad because it's one of those situations where, like, you see, I see other parents.

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh, yeah, that's a parent, but I'm not a parent. Yeah.
And then I got to go. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I always feel like parents are in their 50s. You're right.

Speaker 1 And it's just, it's going to, it's going to suck. Like, I'm going to have to sit there.
We're going to have to go through weird shit, do the meet and greet. Like, the whole thing is, I'm dreading it.

Speaker 1 I'll let you guys know how it goes, but I don't think it's going to go well for me. Are there any unexpected issues? Like, are they going to give your kid grades? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like, he needs to work on this sharing? I don't, I, yeah, I don't know. So it's, I'm not looking forward to it.
Like, he's finally going to school like six hours a day starting on Monday. So, it's,

Speaker 1 yeah, it's going to suck. What are you going to say, Billy?

Speaker 8 PTSD from parent-teacher conferences.

Speaker 9 Yeah, like I.

Speaker 1 I never got good reports. These are the first things.
They're like, I don't really want, I don't, I want to opt out.

Speaker 1 I want to opt out of these parts of being a dad, but I can't because I'm being supportive.

Speaker 8 The worst thing is if one of your behaviors was daddy.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's got all my behaviors, dude.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 he's the biggest procrastinator ever. I'll be like, you want to do this? He'd be like, tomorrow.
It's like, yeah, that's right. You're my fucking son.
But we always have tomorrow.

Speaker 1 How big of a deal would it be if you just didn't show up, though?

Speaker 1 It wouldn't be that big of a deal. It just would, I don't know.
I do want to be there, so, but I don't want to be there. You know what I mean? So it's a fire fest.

Speaker 1 I don't want to be there, but I want to be there because I want to be, you know, around, but I don't want to be there. And also, it's right before football.
Yeah. So I'm just going to be there.

Speaker 1 Bad timing. Let's hurry up.
Football

Speaker 1 start.

Speaker 7 A few moments later.

Speaker 1 Okay, quick update for the fire fest. You just heard me say that I was worried about going to the parent-teacher conference.
I just got back.

Speaker 1 Parent-teacher conference was fine.

Speaker 1 The teacher's in love with you. No, no.
I mean, probably, but no.

Speaker 1 What's his name? Definitely not.

Speaker 1 The issue was I was rushing to get home, to get there in time,

Speaker 1 and I was going to be late. So

Speaker 1 on the way home.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I had to piss myself, and so I had two body armor bottles in my car, and I filled up both of them,

Speaker 1 and I also dribbled all over my pants. Like, legit, like the biggest circle, right? Not like a, oh, he might have spilled something, like a straight-up circle pissed my pants.

Speaker 1 What color pants were you wearing? I'm wearing these.

Speaker 1 It was these, not these exact ones, but the ones I have two pairs of these. It's always like changed into the other pair of these.

Speaker 1 If you've got a, like, a light shade pant on and the circle that you're talking about, it's a bullseye and people can do the math and be like, that's where the end of his penis is. So, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 I was, I blasted the AC right at it.

Speaker 1 I had a towel. I was like rubbing it.
I got in there. It was definitely still visible.
And, like, the first thing they were talking about was like toilet training and like how to use the bathroom.

Speaker 1 And I'm just sitting there with pissed pants. So, that part did not go.
Everything else was great. But yeah, that was like a, are you really responsible enough to be a father?

Speaker 1 You can't even stop peeing your pants. But you know what? They say that, you know, if you learn a new skill,

Speaker 1 you only really master it when you can teach somebody else that skill. Yeah.
So you're about to master it as you teach your son to not piss his pants. You're going through that at the same time.

Speaker 1 I think that's kind of cool. It's like, you remember when you were in like middle school and you started taking algebra and your dad had to relearn algebra to help you out at home? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's kind of what you're doing with the pants pissing for for you. Right, exactly.
So I'm just,

Speaker 1 yeah, it was, I walked in, I was late. So I walked in, it was fully crowded, and I just had piss on my pants.
That's fine. Yeah, everything else went well.
Mark Slareth would be proud.

Speaker 1 It's football season. Everyone knows I piss my pants.
So that's the update to Firefest.

Speaker 1 Now we have Billy, which, yeah, keep listening. And now back to your regularly scheduled program.
All right, Billy, your Firefest.

Speaker 8 Mine's probably the worst Firefest I've ever had.

Speaker 8 It's the worst thing that can happen.

Speaker 1 Wait, you actually

Speaker 1 got.

Speaker 8 Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 this is way worse. Okay.
What about when you just didn't show up for working and got suspended? Honestly. That's a pretty bad one.
That was bad. Jake just gave the subtle little, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, this is bad, guys. What about when you forgot that you had to pay taxes on your rough and rowdy money? That was bad.

Speaker 1 That was, that was, I'd much rather. What about when you got caught stealing Valor in the airport? I never did that.

Speaker 8 Can we actually stop? Like, that's like...

Speaker 1 Well, we're just, let's think about it. We're just setting the table.
That never happened.

Speaker 8 I never actually stole Valor. Right.
Let's just get that on the table.

Speaker 7 You passively.

Speaker 1 It's like the quiet quitting phenomenon. Well, now people say thank you for your service, and I don't know what to say, so I'm just like, thank you.
Quietly stole Valor.

Speaker 8 So I turns out there's no such thing as chiggers on the island.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah.

Speaker 8 So turns out I must have stepped on a lone star tick nest.

Speaker 1 Or you have monkeypox.

Speaker 8 And I got bitten by a bunch of lone star tick larvae.

Speaker 8 Which the good news is it doesn't, the larva don't transmit Lymes or any tick-borne diseases, but they can give you an alpha gal

Speaker 1 allergy. So is that like a girl box?

Speaker 8 No, that means that's alpha gal is in all red meat and dairy.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 I might be allergic to red meat and dairy for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, that would be the funniest thing ever. Billy goes vegan.

Speaker 1 Josh Sally was was right go vegan for a month before i get the test wait you really do yeah let me see so what happened to carnivore sundaes i can't do i can eat chicken i think and fish but it's the worst thing like ever let me see your feet that's pretty bad they're compared the bites the bites are terrible oh yeah you got you got that larva in you boy yeah i mean it's actually like i like i might never be able to eat red meat again he's about to cry yeah billy that that's tough what about pork no pork pork's white meat though

Speaker 8 like I can't take supplements because the gelatin.

Speaker 1 I feel, you know what? I feel rooting so hard for a positive test. This almost seems too perfect.
This seems like somebody

Speaker 1 from Anonymous that listens to this show created like a fake WebMD just to get Billy concerned about this because it's hitting every single thing that you don't want to do.

Speaker 11 This is, and it gets worse with exercise.

Speaker 1 Yeah, wow. And alcohol.
You're going to get fat and sober. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I think this also takes away all your redeeming qualities you die if you don't show up to work on time yeah no but like literally like god gives his hardest challenges to his toughest soldiers i'm gonna get through this but you're not silly fowler

Speaker 1 yeah you just called yourself a soldier just want to make sure no but like this is the worst thing ever yeah no that's really so if you've ever

Speaker 8 ticked if you're awesome it's literally i contracted veganism i'm so so happy but like seriously if anyone's ever been bit like i don't know what percentage of people who get bit actually get it.

Speaker 11 I'm terrified.

Speaker 1 I think it's a hundred percent hit rate. Like, if any of you have ever been swarmed by these ticks, please, I need some guidance here.
I'm reading about lone star ticks right now.

Speaker 1 You know what sucks, too? All you had to do was just be a little bit better at frisbee guard because you just were living in the woods.

Speaker 1 Actually, if Jake didn't hog all the bug spray, Jake turned you vegan.

Speaker 10 Which you guys clowned me for using.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you but you hogged the bug spray.

Speaker 10 No one else wanted it. And Billy

Speaker 1 and Billy couldn't use it to defend himself.

Speaker 1 Many people people are saying, I'm assuming

Speaker 1 that you gave Billy Lone Star tick disease. You gave Billy veganism.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 This is such a bunch of people.

Speaker 1 That's the most alpha move that you can ever do, Joe. Oh, man.
Is turn Billy into a vegan. Yes.
Wow.

Speaker 1 God damn.

Speaker 1 I am so happy.

Speaker 8 Like, nothing.

Speaker 1 I just want that on the record.

Speaker 8 Nothing is going to be the same if that happens.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Exactly.
But like, right.

Speaker 1 Who you are right now won't be who you are in a month, which that's the part I'm happy about.

Speaker 10 We should order like barbecue on Sunday.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're doing Carnivore Sunday. It's still on.
AlphaGal syndrome. Hell yeah.
That's so funny when it's alpha gal. It's alpha gal.
Like, I was like, that's awesome. It's like a breeder.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's great. Damn, Billy.
It's a recently identified type of food allergy to red meat and other products made for mammals.

Speaker 1 In the United States, the condition is most often caused by a lone star tick bite. The bite transmits a sugar molecule called alpha-gal into the person's body.

Speaker 1 In some people, this triggers an immune system reaction that later produces mild to severe allergic reactions to red meat, such as beef, pork, lamb, or other mammal products. Wow.
Yeah, it's great.

Speaker 1 Let me see that picture. Billy, I would say.
I would say sorry, but you would know that that was hollow. Like, I'm not gonna, we're not gonna pretend.
It's the worst. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 I like, yeah, that's what you have.

Speaker 9 Yep.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 8 I don't don't know what I don't.

Speaker 1 So no red meat for a month.

Speaker 8 Well, yeah, and hopefully, like, I don't know if I should just say, fucking eat red meat for a month because the last time I can.

Speaker 1 What would you could die?

Speaker 8 Well, if you prevent, like, it might kick in in a month. It might kick in in a year.

Speaker 1 Right. So.
Would you die?

Speaker 8 If I go into anaphylactic shock, yeah.

Speaker 1 Eat the red meat.

Speaker 1 This is like, I like don't know what to do. But you've, you've definitely eaten red meat since you got the tick bites.
Right. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 it doesn't kick in for like a month.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, then that you.

Speaker 8 So, like, you're supposed to stay away for a month after eating it to get the test.

Speaker 1 I think you're fine. Honestly, I'm terrified.
I'm terrified. You're terrified of Alpha Gals.
Yeah. Scared of strong women.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Billy actually does not make eye contact with Erica whenever she's in the office. No.
No woman, really.

Speaker 1 Billy is

Speaker 1 a good person. There are two things that

Speaker 1 you don't make eye contact with money either. Yeah, money and women.

Speaker 1 He'll never look him in the eye. All right, Jake, finish this off.

Speaker 10 Mine's not nearly as bad as Billy's.

Speaker 1 Well, we'll be the judge.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 10 So I grew up living in Florida, loved roller coasters.

Speaker 10 Over the weekend, went back down to Orlando, went to Halloween Horror Nights with my cousins and my siblings. And I'm nauseous from roller coasters now.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, you can't.

Speaker 10 One ride. I used to go like five times in a row.

Speaker 1 It was my bar mitzvah theme.

Speaker 1 Loved it. Wait, you're Bar Mitzvah.

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 10 And now I go on once. I feel like I was going to puke.

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry. That's horrible.
It's tough. That's That's by far.
That's the end of that.

Speaker 10 It's like the end of an era.

Speaker 1 That's terrible. Jake, you love roller coasters.
Right. It's like your favorite thing.
Right. And to have that taken away from you, that's.

Speaker 10 Oh. Yeah, it's not for me.
I'm sorry, Jake.

Speaker 1 Jake, is there anything that we can do to make this easier on you? Like, maybe, what about like a virtual reality roller coaster experience?

Speaker 1 I'm rooting for you, Jake. I hope you can go back on a roller coaster.
That's so, so

Speaker 10 good time, but please let me know.

Speaker 1 No, that's not. No, you're underplaying it.
That is tragic. Let's start a GoFundMe for Jake to help him deal with his inability to go on roller coasters.

Speaker 1 That's bad news for the show because on the show, we all have our interests and things that we love and care about, and we operate at our peak when we're really accelerating into those things and immersed in those things that we love so very deeply.

Speaker 1 And to have roller coasters taken away from you, I don't want it to affect the show at all.

Speaker 1 I'll be okay. Moment of silence for Jake real quick.

Speaker 7 Okay, hopefully that heals it.

Speaker 1 That was, I, I, do you want thoughts? I don't even know if I want to do this show anymore. Do you want thoughts or prayers?

Speaker 10 I think Billy, you should direct them to Billy.

Speaker 1 Which one? Both. No, no, no.
Billy's fucked.

Speaker 1 We'll give Billy thoughts and then give you prayers.

Speaker 10 I feel like prayers are more important than thoughts.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, you need that. Okay.
You need that. Prayers to James.
That's true tragedy. Think about Billy.
The true tragedy. And how it's hilarious that he's a vegan now.

Speaker 1 All right, let's wrap up the show. We got

Speaker 1 Boomers are coming back Monday, week one. Everyone get excited.
We're going to do the lottery ball machine.

Speaker 18 That's the sound of extremely processed dog food, which is the norm at most pet food companies. But at the Farmer's Dog, we do things differently.
We gently cook our food without ultra-processing.

Speaker 18 It's developed by our team of board-certified nutritionists, made to human-grade safety standards, and portioned for your dog, then delivered right to your door. How does that sound to you?

Speaker 18 Get 50% off your first box, available only at thefarmersdog.com.

Speaker 10 Hank has should we put that back Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 77.

Speaker 10 26.

Speaker 7 50.

Speaker 1 56.

Speaker 1 3.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go 53.

Speaker 1 Whoop. Wait.
I'm going to go 99.

Speaker 8 69.

Speaker 8 I might become allergic to that number.

Speaker 1 But did you hear Jake and the roller coasters? What if Billy catches that thing from Liar Liar where he has to tell the truth all the time? Oh, man. man.
That would be way worse.

Speaker 1 94.

Speaker 1 Would you pick Hank?

Speaker 1 Six. Oh, that's way off.
Way off.

Speaker 1 94, seventh time. Wow.
Now tied for third place. Wow.
Carl Nassett. All right.
We'll see everyone on Monday. Enjoy the weekend of football.
Love you guys.

Speaker 8 Lone Star Ticks don't give one.

Speaker 8 We're talking away.

Speaker 8 I don't know what

Speaker 8 to say, I'd say it anyway.

Speaker 1 Today is on my day to find you. Shy away.

Speaker 1 I've been coming for your love of gay. Shy away.

Speaker 1 I've been coming for your love of gay. Needless to say,

Speaker 1 I've often heard it's about being somewhat away.

Speaker 1 Slowly, then my mind is okay.

Speaker 1 Say of me,

Speaker 1 to be safe and tell me, stay off me.

Speaker 1 Let's the bed to be safe and tell me.

Speaker 1 Come on,

Speaker 1 take on me.

Speaker 1 Take on me.

Speaker 1 All things that you say

Speaker 1 is delightful. Just play my word easily.

Speaker 1 You are things I've got to remember.

Speaker 1 Shy and away.

Speaker 1 Love me coming for you to many light. Keep shy and away.

Speaker 1 love me coming for you to any light.

Speaker 1 I'll make

Speaker 1 your

Speaker 1 love

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 love

Speaker 1 me.