Commanders WR Terry McLaurin, Patrick Reed’s Lawsuit, The Big Ten On CBS + Mt Rushmore Of Precrime

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners.

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Speaker 9 On today's part in my take, Washington Commander Terry McLaurin.

Speaker 12 We have the Mount Rushmore of pre-crime.

Speaker 15 We catch up on a bunch of stuff going on in the sports world, Fire Fest of the Week, and Patrick Reed's lawsuit against our good friend Branley Chambliss.

Speaker 6 So great show sending you into the weekend.

Speaker 15 We're only a couple weeks away from football and we're brought to you by our friend.

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Speaker 12 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 12 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 12 And I'm not like the solved perfectly done.

Speaker 12 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 12 And I'm not getting

Speaker 12 all on the sound.

Speaker 12 Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 12 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 12 Oh, we're

Speaker 12 Pardon my take

Speaker 12 presented by Barstow Sports.

Speaker 9 Welcome to Part of My Take presented by Game Time, the best place to get tickets.

Speaker 7 Football is back. Game Time is back.

Speaker 4 Today is Friday, August 19th.

Speaker 28 It's November in West Lafayette. A beautiful gray sky coupled with a balmy high of 47 degrees.
This is where championships are won and lost.

Speaker 28 Two Titans prepare to clash in a 60-minute battle of field position. 5-3 Purdue welcomes 3-5 UCLA.
It's Big Ten football on CBS presented by Home Depot.

Speaker 29 We got the song, baby.

Speaker 22 That's bullshit.

Speaker 12 That song belongs to SEC.

Speaker 22 That's bullshit. Oh, that's not.

Speaker 12 I do not recognize this song. I recognize it.
Nope.

Speaker 29 It wasn't SEC for a very long time, but it is.

Speaker 22 Purdue and Rutgers.

Speaker 29 Iowa Northwestern

Speaker 29 Wisconsin Minnesota.

Speaker 22 I'm taking a knee when this song

Speaker 12 this is not my anthem for another punt.

Speaker 22 Absolutely. It's a fumble.
Nope.

Speaker 33 Oh, they got it back.

Speaker 24 But they're going to have to punt.

Speaker 34 I need

Speaker 22 to see LSU.

Speaker 22 I need to see Florida. I need to see Georgia.
Alabama. Even Vanderbilt.
Oh,

Speaker 22 this song screams Vanderbilt.

Speaker 7 I'm so excited for this song.

Speaker 32 It's official.

Speaker 36 The Big Ten has captured the greatest sports song

Speaker 11 you right now this song doesn't hit the same without vern yeah no that's true but guess what you can't you can't yuck my yum pft i'm so excited about this song the the rights have been official here's a fun thing though you would hate it you would hate it if it went to any other conference oh yeah of course but it's it's mine now baby it's mine now and we're gonna get to see rutters vs usc and we're gonna get that song and we're gonna get that song um so the uh rights have been finalized the big ten has uh they basically have a buffet of

Speaker 20 sponsorship or television rights.

Speaker 36 It's going to start with Fox, then it's going to go to CBS 3.30 game, then it's going to have the NBC game late at night.

Speaker 4 And here's what we really need, though, what came out of all these meetings.

Speaker 36 Fox is going to run a television draft every spring on what games each company gets, which why wouldn't you televise that?

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 41 How great is that draft going to be?

Speaker 22 What's the purpose of doing a draft if you're not going to televise it? Yeah.

Speaker 35 But then you have to draft to see who gets to televise the draft.

Speaker 22 And I want to see, I want to have like a Mel Kuyper who's breaking down what games you should go after. I want to have draft grades immediately afterwards.

Speaker 22 I want to see who's got a bust. I want to go back after the season's over and say, okay, this person did a bad job.
They should be fired.

Speaker 6 No, Penn State wasn't that good, so the Ohio State-Penn State game that you picked 1-1 wasn't a great pick.

Speaker 12 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 22 We need to make an entire ecosystem around TV rights and analyzing how they do picking them up, which games got the best ratings. Yep.

Speaker 22 So we can look back and then we can do an entire BCS of networks at the end of the year and do a playoff. This is it, right?

Speaker 44 We're giving you free ideas, Big Ten.

Speaker 4 But yeah,

Speaker 7 that was announced like an hour ago, and I'm just so excited.

Speaker 32 We also have the announcement, or it hasn't been announced, but we think it's going to get announced.

Speaker 24 Deshaun Watson.

Speaker 22 It's been announced. It's been announced.

Speaker 36 So what is the official ruling?

Speaker 22 11 games, 11-game suspension, which translates to roughly like 0.7 games per woman he's assaulted. Right.

Speaker 25 Um, and then I think

Speaker 12 the number is like 70 or 60.

Speaker 22 It's gone up.

Speaker 36 Well, it was like 60, but then it was, you know, they paid off a bunch.

Speaker 22 So, whatever, the punishment, yeah, it should fit the crime. He should have to jack off Swagger the dog before every game.

Speaker 16 Well, it's also, this is 11 games now.

Speaker 19 We get to go back to the conversation we had where people are going to be like, oh, okay, so 8 to 11, now it's enough.

Speaker 12 Yeah. What? They just raised it.

Speaker 22 And so obviously, anytime the NFL announces a suspension, my first instinct is, okay, what's Goodell's angle behind this? Why is it 11 games? That's a weird number, right? So you look at the schedule.

Speaker 22 That game that he'd be coming back would be against the Houston Texans.

Speaker 12 So they have to talk about it all the time throughout the entire team.

Speaker 12 Home coming.

Speaker 36 Who Houston was implicated in, you know, aiding and abetting some of these things as well.

Speaker 22 Yeah, now, also, the second thing I thought, Big Big Cat, was, wow, that's kind of weird, 11 games. Okay, so yeah, he's come back against Houston.
Wait, when does flex scheduling start in the NFL?

Speaker 22 Yeah, just so happens starts right on weekly.

Speaker 48 I don't know if they'd flex this.

Speaker 41 That would be, that would be.

Speaker 22 That would be too transparent, man.

Speaker 39 So, like, because the Texans aren't going to be good.

Speaker 29 The Browns might not be good without Deshaun Watson.

Speaker 32 So, if they flex this, it would be quite a move.

Speaker 22 Yeah, so as long as Deshaun Watson, yeah, I think he just promised. He's like, Roger, I swear to God, I won't sexually assault two dozen women ever again in the history of my team.
Pinky, swear.

Speaker 22 I'm done. Pinky promise.
Put a stamp on it.

Speaker 28 Week 13, Sunday night footballs, Colts at Cowboys. I feel like that.
Those are two teams that you don't know how good they'll be.

Speaker 12 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 22 Jake burying the Cowboys already on the battlefield.

Speaker 12 Or is he burying the Colts?

Speaker 12 He might even be quarterback. You don't know.
Matty Ice. Matt Ryan.

Speaker 28 I'm just saying, if it was like Chiefs-Packers, there was no shot. That would be a chance.

Speaker 4 You know what we need to do, by the way?

Speaker 22 We're not going to take the Dallas Cowboys out.

Speaker 22 That's true.

Speaker 31 The Matt Ryan on the Colts thing.

Speaker 9 Next week, maybe on Sunday night, we should just do a big roundtable of like fun facts, this guy's on this team.

Speaker 22 Yeah, we do that.

Speaker 18 For everyone, for all the listeners, for ourselves, where we just go through all the rosters and we're like, fun fact, Julio Jones is on the Bucs.

Speaker 22 Yeah, remember, Marquise Goodwin. I think he's on the Seahawks.

Speaker 12 Yeah, so we'll do that. Is that what we learned?

Speaker 4 Yeah, we will do that.

Speaker 13 Everyone come with a couple fun facts.

Speaker 12 We'll try to wow each other.

Speaker 22 We'll be in the Seahawks now on the who?

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 4 We'll wow each other with

Speaker 20 some fun facts.

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Speaker 4 So, yeah, the Sean Watson news came down.

Speaker 5 There's not a bunch else going on right now.

Speaker 4 We're in that waiting pattern.

Speaker 19 We got a good Mount Rush war coming up.

Speaker 48 The only other things I wrote down,

Speaker 40 there were two White Sox stories that I wanted to mention real quick, get your guys' take on.

Speaker 24 The first, I don't know if you guys saw this, but the fan at the White Sox game that basically was coaching the team, and Tony LaRussa denied it.

Speaker 36 But if you missed the video, a fan was basically in the first row right behind the on-deck circle, and he was screaming to Tony LaRussa, put in Adam Engel as a pinch runner.

Speaker 51 And it was maybe two seconds later that Tony LaRussa came out and put in Adam Engel as a pinch runner.

Speaker 24 So Tony LaRussa is just doing fan-controlled baseball now.

Speaker 9 I like that.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Good idea.

Speaker 22 Pay attention to your fans. They pay your salary.
They buy your drinks, Tony.

Speaker 36 Yes, yes. And then the other one was, did you guys see the kid, the 11-year-old kid that ran on the field?

Speaker 20 At at the white socks gas night i you were you watching this game well no i saw it i saw it pop up and i was like holy shit why do more kids not do this yeah you might get in trouble right why do more kids

Speaker 48 tackle you what no they literally just like

Speaker 37 yeah they held his hand and walked him off and i was like this kid is a fucking genius yeah if you're under let's say 14 I would say 14 is about the age where I don't think a security guard would tackle you.

Speaker 3 Why wouldn't you just run on the field and then you go, you get a slap on the wrist And they're like, they probably tell your parents, like, don't ever do that again.

Speaker 22 Well, no, so what happens is if you're a kid, you run onto the field, your dad gets to then run on the field to bring you back. Yeah, sorry, sorry, everyone.
I'm going to grab my kid.

Speaker 22 And while he's out there, he gets to say hi to all his, all his heroes. Wasn't that, was that a White Sox game or was it a Royals game like 15 years ago?

Speaker 6 It was a White Sox against the Royals.

Speaker 22 Against the Royals where a father and son went on the field and just beat the fuck out of the first base coach.

Speaker 16 It was White Sox saving his dad. Yeah.

Speaker 39 That was.

Speaker 9 It actually wasn't.

Speaker 12 I say that every time it's a crazy, crazy shirtless just going to beat the fuck out of the first base coach. Honestly though, like a

Speaker 12 great

Speaker 22 bonding moment, though, if you get into a fight with your dad and beat somebody up, you're like, do you see what I did?

Speaker 7 And then it also was a great, the opposite of it was great because it's very rare in life that a bunch of dudes get a chance to beat the fuck out of someone else and be completely absolved from any guilt.

Speaker 36 Do you know what I mean? Like that was the rare case where both teams can be like, we can beat the fuck out of these two guys and no one can say anything to us.

Speaker 22 Yeah, it's like if you happen upon someone who's like committing a crime and they get tackled, like get a free shot or a couple free shots in.

Speaker 22 But yeah, they could go over there, stomp them out, like Ty Cobb.

Speaker 33 Right.

Speaker 22 Like everyone's like, good, yeah, they deserved it.

Speaker 40 It's like one of those spring break videos where like a guy like, you know, hits a girl and then everyone just fucking swarms the guy.

Speaker 27 It's like, you get free reign on this guy.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I would like to be a part of a situation like that. Yeah.

Speaker 22 I feel like I'd be a good person who would just stomp on the guy's arm and be like, okay, guys, we don't want to actually hurt him. Like, okay, we've sent her a message.
Stay off the head.

Speaker 12 Guilty. No head, nobody.

Speaker 13 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 So, yeah, those are the two stories that I saw. And then, wait, what did you say? What did you say, Jake? What was that?

Speaker 48 Do you think he gets banned?

Speaker 12 Oh, the 11-year-old? Yeah. I don't think so.
Or like his family, his parents?

Speaker 23 Once he hits puberty, he'll look completely different.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he gets a stern talking to you.

Speaker 3 That's what I'm saying. It's the perfect crime.

Speaker 20 Like, more, I don't want to tell all of our 10-year-old listeners to do illegal activities, but you should be running on every field.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 22 And once you're going to start smoking weed now.

Speaker 42 And start wearing a part of my take shirt when you free part of my take shirt to any 10-year-olds that run on a baseball field.

Speaker 12 I like that.

Speaker 12 No, I'll imagine this week to like three different balls.

Speaker 11 That would be the funniest crime spree in America with like a bunch of 10-year-olds just interrupting baseball.

Speaker 22 I think baseball is a sport that you could get away with it more at because in baseball, they're not kids in baseball, they're youngsters. Right.

Speaker 22 And like announcers fucking love love youngsters and they're trying to grow.

Speaker 12 Going to a ball game with their dad's class best.

Speaker 28 Yeah. Like an entire team runs on the field for them.

Speaker 12 There we go.

Speaker 22 Well, no, I think that's like that's organized. That's like, yeah, that's like a January 6th moment if you have like a whole group of people storming the field.

Speaker 12 Yes. Yeah.
But that's automatic.

Speaker 48 I'm down to do that.

Speaker 12 Like, I'm down to fund that. Yeah.

Speaker 32 The January 6th of 10-year-olds.

Speaker 12 Lone Wolf.

Speaker 48 Lone Wolf's only.

Speaker 53 You got pre-crime on your mind.

Speaker 4 Yeah, we do.

Speaker 20 We're doing the Mount Rushmore pre-crime.

Speaker 27 All right.

Speaker 9 So the only other baseball story I had was Shohei Otani just, I know we've brought it up before, but it just happened again.

Speaker 2 It keeps happening to him.

Speaker 2 The classic tweet that we read from this guy, like maybe the best tweet ever from Metamic, who he said, every time I see an Angels highlight, it's like Mike Trout hit three home runs and raised his average to 528, while Shohei Otani did something that hasn't been done since tungsten arm O'Doyle of the 1921 Akron Groomsman as the Tigers defeated the Angels 8-3.

Speaker 32 So yesterday, that was a tweet, a joke tweet.

Speaker 5 Yesterday, they tweeted out Shohei Otani with a two-run homer, and he's four for five with a homer and a triple in four RBIs today.

Speaker 9 Angels down 11-7.

Speaker 22 Yeah, this is the new, this is the new Nick Castellanos. Yes.
It's the new meme that, like, in baseball, anytime Shohei Otani does something like remotely remarkable, that tweet's going to go reviral.

Speaker 22 I actually think that should be nominated. We should make a sports tweet Hall of Fame.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 19 And I think that...

Speaker 22 That's on the fast track to get there. That right now is like Juan Soto's career.
Like that projects to be a Ted Williams Hall of Fame tweet.

Speaker 39 Correct.

Speaker 6 That tweet will get brought up as long as Johe's on the Angels because they got, he went in this series against the Mariners.

Speaker 15 He went six innings, two earned runs, eight strikeouts, and then went eight for 13 batting, and the Angels got swept.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Which is perfect.

Speaker 22 I think that tweet,

Speaker 22 the overtime hockey one by John Boyce, and the fucking a man tweet, I think those right now are the three, maybe first battle.

Speaker 36 In Kevin Durant, there's no relaxed champ.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 22 You log off. Yeah.

Speaker 12 No, you log off. Yeah.

Speaker 12 It's just a logoff battle.

Speaker 25 Yep.

Speaker 4 So, PFT, we have

Speaker 12 happened. Yeah.
Vogelbach

Speaker 22 just got a double, and it's just always a treat to watch him run.

Speaker 9 He's the best.

Speaker 22 When I see him run, I sing to myself, you remember that big boy grilling on the roof? Big boy grilling on the roof. Yeah.
That's what I hear in my brain as he's rounding first base. Just incredible.

Speaker 22 Like, he's got a body that's bigger than most fullbacks. Yes.
Maybe like an offensive guard that plays college football.

Speaker 4 He's unapologetically fat.

Speaker 38 He's busy. He's a professional athlete.

Speaker 22 He's just a big boy.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Grills on the roof.

Speaker 17 Yeah, and he

Speaker 45 also will be, and I, I, so I dipped into Mets Twitter last night because I bet on the Mets, and they are just, they're, they're just a torture, tortured brains left and right because it's, it's actually kind of similar to when the Cubs got good where it's like...

Speaker 30 Mets fans know the Mets are good, but they're still the Mets.

Speaker 36 So they always are like, we're still the Mets, but we are good.

Speaker 4 So it's this tortured like, back and forth where they can trust the fact that they have good players, but also be like, we're the Mets and we'll always Mets.

Speaker 12 But it was very funny because like that, that team, Vogelbach, has just the perfect doing something huge in late October moment.

Speaker 40 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 19 He's written for it.

Speaker 50 I can already see it.

Speaker 22 Maybe even early October, maybe he goes nuts in a wild card game.

Speaker 22 Well, they're probably not in the wild card game, but maybe he goes nuts in the first round of the playoffs, and then all the casuals come out, unlike us who are true seam heads.

Speaker 19 he's a who's this guy he's a hero in waiting like everyone knows that he will buy stock yeah buy stock and vogelback right he will have a big moment and everyone will everyone who hasn't been watching baseball will be like who's this fat guy this is incredible and it i'm waiting i'm ready for it because you like if the mets if you're a mets fan and you obviously have hopes of winning the world series this year they're that good the best sign of you guys winning the world series is that you have vogelback on your team because you need one of those guys he's just built for october that's a halloween body You just need one of those goofy guys who's going to do something fucking huge.

Speaker 22 Also, I guarantee you, he's going to be an amazing presence to have during a World Series parade. He's going to drink all the beers.

Speaker 39 He's going to take the fattest shit in the White House.

Speaker 22 He's going to be just

Speaker 22 funneling beers on the

Speaker 22 going down the Avenue of America's.

Speaker 17 He's probably going to have an ice luge

Speaker 12 in the clubhouse after they win every series.

Speaker 22 He's probably going to be doing like Irish car bombs. Yeah.
Like heavy cream shots.

Speaker 12 The best.

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Speaker 46 Yeah. The best.

Speaker 32 All right, so we also have Patrick Reed's lawsuit before we get to our Mount Rushmore PFT.

Speaker 24 I have not read this because you said you wanted to wow us.

Speaker 12 Yeah, just a

Speaker 22 Friday reading reading spelled R-E-E-D. Patrick Reed's lawsuit against everybody, really.
He's suing the PGA Tour. He's suing Brandall Chambliss.

Speaker 32 Bristol.

Speaker 12 Chamblis.

Speaker 22 And

Speaker 22 his lawsuit is laugh out loud funny because he's been enduring abuse and

Speaker 22 people have been saying that

Speaker 22 you support a tyrannical, murderous leader. But in his lawsuit, he said this would be akin to stating that LeBron James has aligned himself with a tyrannical murderous leader.

Speaker 22 So right off the bat, he's comparing himself to LeBron James.

Speaker 12 So he just hired a Twitter reply guy for his lawyer.

Speaker 22 Yes, to be like, what about China?

Speaker 22 What about the NBA? But, okay, this is the funniest part. So he has to specify the personal attacks that he's suffered in this lawsuit.

Speaker 6 Can I say one thing?

Speaker 4 I wish that the lawyer had gone more Twitter reply guy and been like,

Speaker 4 it's akin to LeBron James, who is LaFraud, also known as LaFraud James, 0-10 in finals.

Speaker 22 Yeah, it's equivalent to La China and Mr. La Bubble James.

Speaker 22 But this is the funniest part of the lawsuit because he has to list specific examples of abuse that he's endured from the fans at the direction of Brand

Speaker 22 Chambly.

Speaker 12 This won't backfire. So

Speaker 22 these induced personal attacks include, but are not limited to,

Speaker 22 now on the T, the excavator. Because he cheats, he digs out of the ground.
Okay. You suck.
You fucking suck. You jackass.
You coward. Shovel.
Why don't you dig a grave and bury yourself in it?

Speaker 22 You piece of shit. No one likes you.
Everyone hates you, Reed. Good luck digging yourself out of this one.
Where are your parents, coward?

Speaker 12 You cheater.

Speaker 12 That one hurts. Cheat.

Speaker 22 Everyone hates you, cheater.

Speaker 22 You're going to miss this, you cheater. You cheat in college and on tour, and you're a piece of shit.

Speaker 12 That's a lot. That's a mouthful at the T-box.

Speaker 22 Beat the cheater's ass.

Speaker 22 Sorry, Webb, for having to play with the cheat. Who did you piss off? Why don't you introduce your children to their grandparents, you ungrateful bitch?

Speaker 48 Oh, nice.

Speaker 32 I like that guy.

Speaker 22 This is just a sampling of what defendants maliciously and intentionally caused and furthered with actual malice. These personal attacks occur frequently while Mr.

Speaker 22 Reed is actively preparing to make his golf shot or during the golf shot, much less thereafter as he is walking to his next golf shot, as well as lining up putts and making putts on the green, which putts require a high degree of concentration.

Speaker 48 Oh, that's so cool.

Speaker 22 I love that he's kept meticulous notes.

Speaker 32 Yeah, no, his wife. His wife has.

Speaker 51 His wife has been standing behind him the whole time, just writing all these insults down.

Speaker 22 You cheat in college on tour, and you're a piece of shit.

Speaker 33 That just rolls right off the tongue.

Speaker 52 I did see one other piece of it,

Speaker 25 and

Speaker 6 I want to meet his lawyer because his lawyer sounds like he's on true social a lot with the insults he threw in this lawsuit.

Speaker 4 He also wrote,

Speaker 12 In this regard, defendant Chambly, a former professional golfer who fell far short of ever rising to the accomplished level of Mr.

Speaker 31 Reed and current analyst for golf channel.

Speaker 15 So he just like, just a reminder, Chambly sucks at golf and Patrick Greed doesn't.

Speaker 22 That's so awesome. Yeah, I kind of wish that it had some language in the lawsuit of the hole-in-one press release.
Do you remember that one? Yeah. Where he's like, what'd he say?

Speaker 36 It was a strong win.

Speaker 22 Yeah, it was a strong win.

Speaker 12 I made a

Speaker 22 defendant definitive Reid made a hole in one. It took place on the seventh hole, which is playing 181 yards into a slight wind.

Speaker 22 He had a five-iron, which sailed magnificently into a rather strong wind with approximately five feet of cut, whereupon it bounced twice.

Speaker 22 I'm a very, Reid is a very modest individual, and you will have to say that he was bragging, and he doesn't like people who brag.

Speaker 12 That's pretty much what this lawyer.

Speaker 4 I really want to meet this lawyer.

Speaker 12 He's the best lawyer ever.

Speaker 22 I actually love sleazeball attorneys. I think they're some of the most interesting characters in the world.

Speaker 32 As long as they admit that they're a sleazeball, they're so funny.

Speaker 48 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 12 Like Florio,

Speaker 48 Mr. Portnoy, the best chases.

Speaker 22 Jay Billis. The best sleaze ball attorneys.
Yes.

Speaker 4 Yes. The best.

Speaker 33 The ambulance chasers.

Speaker 12 Fucking hilarious. Like, again,

Speaker 16 I don't think that's going to have the intended effect for Patrick Greed.

Speaker 44 I feel like I didn't even know he was called the excavator, but that's what I'm calling him.

Speaker 22 But listen, I want to be very clear because we do have a platform much like Brandall Chambly has. So I don't want to get sued by Patrick Reed's wife.

Speaker 12 I do. No.
I I do.

Speaker 12 Whatever you do.

Speaker 36 I do because it would be great for the show.

Speaker 19 No,

Speaker 22 whatever you do, big cat, seriously, this is so that we can get it on the legal record. Do not say now on the TV excavator to Patrick Reed.
Don't tell him he fucking sucks.

Speaker 22 Don't say, good luck digging yourself out of this one. Whatever you do, don't say you cheat in college, you cheat on the tour, and you're a piece of shit to Patrick Reed.

Speaker 22 Do not say any of those things.

Speaker 19 But if you could figure out a way to make that into like a chant, that probably works.

Speaker 22 Don't say it.

Speaker 12 Don't call him an ungrateful bitch.

Speaker 54 You're going to go to college and you cheat on Tor.

Speaker 22 Don't call Patrick Reed an ungrateful bitch. Whatever.
You remember how we asked you guys not to call Bryson Brooks and you guys definitely didn't call him Brooks more after that?

Speaker 22 Don't say all these things to Patrick Reid.

Speaker 36 Please don't.

Speaker 47 Oh my God. What a guy.

Speaker 5 I'm going to miss him.

Speaker 22 I kind of, listen, I love Patrick Reed in a way that you would, that one would love like a rascal dog that somebody else owned.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 22 And you laugh at it shitting on the carpet and chewing everything up.

Speaker 36 If we had to deal with him in any manner, we would hate him.

Speaker 15 But from afar, he is so funny.

Speaker 22 And let's not forget, he's a big Imagine Dragons fan, too.

Speaker 48 That's facts.

Speaker 6 That's facts. And he didn't steal from his teammates in college.

Speaker 18 That's a fake story.

Speaker 22 Yep. And he doesn't cheat.

Speaker 54 He doesn't cheat.

Speaker 22 He's not a bitch. And his wife isn't a psycho with a burner account on Twitter.
Nope.

Speaker 15 None of those things are true.

Speaker 9 We defend Patrick Reed.

Speaker 22 Captain America.

Speaker 40 We should actually add ourselves to the lawsuit against Branley.

Speaker 22 I would be down. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Speaker 2 We're huge Patrick Reed fans, and you've hurt us.

Speaker 22 Yeah, can we join the lawsuit? Can we just tack our name? Can this be a class-action lawsuit from the damages that I've felt having Patrick Reed's ego damaged by Brandlich Chamblick?

Speaker 24 I'm sure I've bet on Patrick Reed at some point in the last couple years, so I could just find that bet slip and be like, yeah, these insults hurt my wager.

Speaker 22 That's true. If we had a real scumbag attorney, we could make one of those class-action asbestos commercials.

Speaker 22 You, have you lost a bet betting on Patrick Reed because his feelings were hurt because of very unfair coverage by Brandall Chambley? Well, then you are entitled to damages on your behalf.

Speaker 12 I'm in.

Speaker 44 Let's do it.

Speaker 22 And we'll take 75%.

Speaker 12 We got to get news.

Speaker 7 Jake, write that down for next time we have Mr.

Speaker 10 Portnoy on to see if we can sue for that.

Speaker 30 Okay, anything else in the sports world?

Speaker 20 Anything else going on?

Speaker 12 War preseason football games?

Speaker 28 The Yanks are back. Walk off Grand Slam.

Speaker 12 The Yankees are back. Walk off Grand Slam.

Speaker 20 They've won their first game in like six hours.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 28 Well, we've talked enough about him on this show.

Speaker 25 Yes.

Speaker 18 Oh, I was going to say

Speaker 19 this weekend,

Speaker 2 be careful of the preseason betting because everyone's just going to bet the overs after it went 13 and 3.

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 9 I feel like this is going to be just, I'm going to sit out, be smart because I know that I'll just lose my money in September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May.

Speaker 19 But be careful.

Speaker 22 So I did really well last week with the system of betting on the rookie head coaches in their very first games because they want to win those games.

Speaker 22 I think the move this weekend is to reverse that and bet against Moneyline every rookie coach that won their first preseason game because they got that win under the belt.

Speaker 22 Now they're like, you know what? I just want to evaluate now. Now they're going to swing back in the other direction.
And bet on the Ravens. That's my sister.
And obviously, bet on the Ravens.

Speaker 54 Yeah, 21 in a row or something like that.

Speaker 10 It's insane.

Speaker 27 It's insane.

Speaker 30 They're the boys of summer.

Speaker 12 The real boys of summer.

Speaker 39 Okay, let's get to our Mount Rushmore.

Speaker 56 Whether I'm hosting game day at my place or taking my talents to the tailgate, Boarshead is my go-to for a spread that's as exciting as the game itself. Their platters are a hit every time.

Speaker 56 They've got everything you need to keep your guests coming back for more. And if you want to take it up a notch, grab a few dips.
My personal favorite, the Blazing Buffalo Chicken.

Speaker 56 hummus, or even one of their charcuterie collections for game-changing flavor. Boarshead helps me elevate my entertaining every time, whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration.

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Speaker 40 Okay,

Speaker 11 who won Mount Rushmore?

Speaker 3 Thank you to Coors Light, the best beer ever.

Speaker 12 And Golden Colorado, I miss you, Golden Colorado. I miss Colorado.

Speaker 22 Just added to great state.

Speaker 53 Recap coming Sunday.

Speaker 31 Yeah, recap's coming Sunday.

Speaker 4 Be ready for it.

Speaker 18 There's a lot of Coors Light being drank.

Speaker 22 And any fake news that shows me missing any field goals is just that's classic CGI. Classic Hank Lockwood.

Speaker 53 I'll wear it.

Speaker 53 It would be funny.

Speaker 12 It would be funny if there were a ton of misses.

Speaker 9 But there would be CGI.

Speaker 22 Well, also, for the record, I just said I was going to make a 45-yarder, and then you guys goaded me into trying a 50-yarder, which I'm not equipped to do.

Speaker 53 Yeah, because you really had to pull your teeth.

Speaker 12 You'll see.

Speaker 39 Yeah, that's a great preview.

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 22 Hank is is allergic to making anyone look good in his headaches. That's what I've realized.

Speaker 50 What are you going to say, Billy? Real quick.

Speaker 53 I didn't Photoshop the fucking making you look fat.

Speaker 57 Two Mount Rushmores ago, Chili got its first win of the season.

Speaker 18 Well, who finished second to Rosillo?

Speaker 44 I think we go with that.

Speaker 12 You guys. Oh, crazy.

Speaker 12 We won Monday.

Speaker 48 Crazy.

Speaker 12 Second place trophy. Okay.

Speaker 37 All right. So fine.
You know what, Chili?

Speaker 4 You guys go first. You guys go first, and you guys decide the order.

Speaker 12 Perfect.

Speaker 12 Do you want to go first?

Speaker 13 We give them the first.

Speaker 12 They're like, oh, I don't know.

Speaker 22 Yeah, this is great power, great responsibility right here.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 57 We'll go last. Hank, you go first.
You guys go second. Okay.

Speaker 12 So this is the Mount Rushmore of pre-crime.

Speaker 12 Hank.

Speaker 53 All right. This one, you know, this one might cut deep to some AWLs, but it just...

Speaker 12 Uh-oh.

Speaker 53 Opening bottles with your teeth.

Speaker 12 Ooh.

Speaker 22 Dude, that's cool.

Speaker 48 I do that.

Speaker 53 It is crazy. It blows my mind.
Glass bottles are not supposed to, like, your teeth are your teeth. Those are valuable items of your body.
You should not be opening bottles with them.

Speaker 12 No, in fact, your teeth are

Speaker 53 concerning.

Speaker 22 Okay, it's not for everybody, but

Speaker 53 it's not criminals.

Speaker 22 No, if you know how to do it properly, it's pretty badass.

Speaker 36 I would agree with Hank in the fact that there is a screw loose if you do it.

Speaker 12 Why? Yes. Right, right.

Speaker 53 Like, some people, I have a friend that would do it. Like, do you have a bottle? I have a bottle opener.
And he's like, no, let me do it with my teeth.

Speaker 47 Yeah, okay, I agree with that.

Speaker 12 And he's like, why?

Speaker 22 Oftentimes you find yourself without a bottle opener, and then it's a great skill for me to have.

Speaker 53 But right, my thing is the pre-crime is the people that do it willingly and for fun.

Speaker 24 It's cool to watch, but it's also pre-crime.

Speaker 53 Like if you're just going into your fridge, grabbing a beer, and opening it with your teeth, pre-crime opener.

Speaker 12 I agree with that. Okay.

Speaker 22 Unnecessarily opening a beer bottle opener. I do this all the time.

Speaker 58 I know I'm on this team.

Speaker 48 I literally do this all the time.

Speaker 53 I feel a little bad about it.

Speaker 22 But it's cool, isn't it?

Speaker 59 I don't think this is a pre.

Speaker 57 On a pre-crime, pre-crime's like a little more creepier.

Speaker 12 That's not like creepy.

Speaker 22 Well, I mean, embrace debate. You can make your pick when it's time for your team to go.

Speaker 12 Yeah. All right.
Our first pick.

Speaker 6 We're going to go with owning a snake as a pet.

Speaker 31 Anyone who owns snakes, fucking pre-crime city.

Speaker 22 You're just waiting.

Speaker 27 You're just waiting for the snake to just escape in your house and then kill you in your sleep.

Speaker 22 It's also an animal that will never love you. Right.
Why do you want to... You're basically having like...
I don't know, a prisoner in your own house that wants to kill you at all times.

Speaker 36 The biggest bonding moment you have with your pet is to feed it mice to eat.

Speaker 46 That's so fucked up.

Speaker 22 No, another bonding moment that you have is when it's trying to kill you and it's wrapping itself around you.

Speaker 48 Yeah, slowly.

Speaker 19 Go ahead, Billy. Defend owning a snake.

Speaker 57 There's like they're like cuddling for body warmth because they're cold-blooded and you're warm-blooded.

Speaker 12 I don't know if that's the truth.

Speaker 57 That's why they like to rest on.

Speaker 48 If you own a snake, I just assume at some point you will commit a crime.

Speaker 4 It's part of your DNA.

Speaker 23 You own a snake?

Speaker 57 I owned a porn snake.

Speaker 12 You never committed a a crime.

Speaker 11 You are definitely number one in this room for committing a crime.

Speaker 22 That's actually a good question. How many crimes.

Speaker 59 I thought I was a cop.

Speaker 12 Well, you're a crooked cop. That's what you are.

Speaker 12 You are.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 39 Owning a snake is definitely a pre-crime.

Speaker 48 It's bad. Yeah.

Speaker 23 I don't trust people who own snakes.

Speaker 13 Can't be around them.

Speaker 12 Fucked up.

Speaker 37 And I'm sure there'll be some snake people who reply, and guess what?

Speaker 4 Your replies go on deaf ears.

Speaker 22 Well, you know what's crazy is that everybody has visited like one apartment of somebody that has a snake. Yeah.
And just one time, and you never go back.

Speaker 57 Yes. I would appreciate people to tweet me pictures of their cold-blooded pets.
I appreciate them. Tweet them at me.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 22 I mean, we're not indicting frogs here.

Speaker 53 Even just like what, you know, when people say that's cold-blooded, they say it for a reason.

Speaker 12 Yes.

Speaker 57 Well, there's been a lot of anti-reptile slander. Dates back to the Bible.

Speaker 53 It's kind of mean.

Speaker 12 French people being frogs. Oh, why? Why

Speaker 12 slander? Is it because it's their facts?

Speaker 46 It's facts.

Speaker 57 I just think we shouldn't be judging.

Speaker 3 We'd still be living in the Garden of Eden if it wasn't for that fucking snake.

Speaker 22 No, that was that bitch Eve.

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 37 Well, she got corrupted by the snake.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 35 Your guys' first pick.

Speaker 57 Killing small animals.

Speaker 12 Okay, yeah. I mean,

Speaker 12 textbook definition is a crime.

Speaker 22 I was thinking about that, too, but that like arson. Like, if you light a fire as a kid, yes, that's a crime.

Speaker 57 You can, like, kill, you're allowed to, like, kill mice and rabbits and stuff. Like, that's totally legal.

Speaker 15 Can you, are you allowed allowed to kill a mammal for fun yeah you you've killed mice but like take pleasure in it's another thing I know I said a mouse trap yeah I didn't kill it the trap killed it but you're allowed to kill mice that's legal with your bare hands so but you're saying it's pre-crime but a rabbit that's creep pre-crime this is like so is killing mice and then is setting is setting up a mouse trap pre-crime no but that's killing small animals right but you guys kill

Speaker 11 you give us a list of the animals small animals

Speaker 53 chipmunks mice rabbits.

Speaker 7 You want to say dogs?

Speaker 22 No, because that's illegal.

Speaker 12 Okay. That's illegal.
I don't know if it is.

Speaker 12 Frogs.

Speaker 12 Frogs.

Speaker 12 Scientists are criminals?

Speaker 33 Okay, all right. Yeah.

Speaker 19 I mean, no, that, that. No.

Speaker 24 It's a good pre-crime because it's literally that's the only problem.

Speaker 12 That's how serial.

Speaker 15 We're not arguing that it's not a pre-crime move.

Speaker 11 It just also might be a crime crime.

Speaker 22 It's actually an interesting thing to think about. Like,

Speaker 22 what are you allowed to kill with your bare hands and when does it become a crime?

Speaker 19 Because I think you're right.

Speaker 22 You probably are allowed to kill a mouse.

Speaker 12 But you're probably not allowed to shoot a rabbit with like

Speaker 12 a whole crime. Pre-crime is cats.
Don't fuck it up.

Speaker 22 Don't watch the Sopranos?

Speaker 36 Yeah, but in like a, I guess it depends on where you are.

Speaker 22 Go cook it up in a nice round.

Speaker 36 It's like a legality of the BB gun.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 37 Yeah, all right. That's a good pick then.

Speaker 15 Because it is fucked up to kill small animals when you're a small person.

Speaker 15 Not fucked up to run on a field.

Speaker 53 This is one I wish Jake could do all four picks because I think he doesn't even understand

Speaker 53 crime and like getting in the mind of a criminal. Right.
So how is he going to understand what goes in before?

Speaker 52 Not returning your library books.

Speaker 12 All right.

Speaker 22 Cheering in the press box.

Speaker 28 Our second pick is going to be parents who put their kids on leashes.

Speaker 12 Oh, yeah, that's a good pick.

Speaker 22 So you think parents, or do you think the kids that are on...

Speaker 22 I think if you go either way, like if you're a kid that gets carried around on a leash your entire life, you're probably going to fuck some stuff up.

Speaker 28 An interesting visual.

Speaker 15 It is.

Speaker 28 I understand if if you're in crowds, you don't want them running off, but just like, I don't know.

Speaker 40 I don't, yeah.

Speaker 9 A leash on a kid is fucked up.

Speaker 22 I think maybe the only exception is if you have like seven kids. Yeah.
And they're all, I don't know, four or five years old.

Speaker 42 But then you can, then you can do the, I think there's a difference.

Speaker 24 Putting them on an actual leash is a pre-crime.

Speaker 12 Doing the rope hold is fine. Yeah.

Speaker 42 You know, like you see the

Speaker 22 rope and everybody holds on the rope.

Speaker 13 Yeah, like in elementary school, they're walking around the block and everyone's holding on the rope.

Speaker 54 Also, just on leash talk, putting a cat on a leash is also a fucked-up move.

Speaker 30 I've seen that a couple times.

Speaker 12 That's a weird one.

Speaker 22 Putting anything on your cat, really. Yeah.
Clothes.

Speaker 48 Anything. Mittens.
Okay.

Speaker 12 That could be cute. Clothes on cats.

Speaker 22 Why don't you prove it on a cat?

Speaker 9 Yeah. Why don't you get a cat then?

Speaker 12 Maybe I will. Okay.

Speaker 22 Our second pick. I can't believe this one lasted this long, actually, for pre-crime is being born in northern Austria on April 20th, 1889.

Speaker 12 Big time pre-crime. Pre-crime.

Speaker 22 Actually, like just pre-death penalty. Just kill that baby.

Speaker 12 Hank, you got it? You found him? Would you kill that baby?

Speaker 53 It's nature versus nurture.

Speaker 22 Would you... Oh, you would become that baby's mom.

Speaker 12 Yeah. You would hug that baby.

Speaker 22 If I had been your mom, World War II would have nothing on that.

Speaker 53 Like, there was a lot of people born in that time period that were fine.

Speaker 12 Yeah, there was a, yeah, you're doing.

Speaker 4 You're doing the, like, there was a lot of good Nazis, too.

Speaker 22 Yeah, not all Germans.

Speaker 53 Well, Austrians.

Speaker 22 Well, he was also, he went to Germany.

Speaker 12 Yeah, shortly.

Speaker 53 But I'm saying, like, there was probably a lot of people born on April 20th that day that did not turn out to be.

Speaker 31 That's collateral damage.

Speaker 54 Let's just say, in terms of, like, the percentage of...

Speaker 57 Yeah, there's probably more per square capita of criminals in different places than that place.

Speaker 27 But ROI on that date in that place is very bad.

Speaker 53 Right. That's true.
Yeah.

Speaker 22 Yeah, if we're just doing the math here, if this is the trolley problem. Maybe

Speaker 53 someone had like 10 kids, but that's not going to happen.

Speaker 12 Yeah, it doesn't kind of.

Speaker 27 The H-Man kind of outweighs all of the people born that day.

Speaker 22 Wait, Billy's about to do something incredibly smart.

Speaker 54 What were you saying? No, come on, man.

Speaker 12 Now you have to say it.

Speaker 47 We're on a show.

Speaker 22 He had the shit in the middle.

Speaker 17 You have to say it.

Speaker 57 He commanded crimes.

Speaker 13 No, Billy, no, no.

Speaker 12 Okay, you don't have to say it. You don't have to say it.
Okay.

Speaker 42 No, I didn't think it was going to be that bad either.

Speaker 12 That was really bad. Okay.

Speaker 12 Hank.

Speaker 53 Coaching a youth women's basketball team without having a daughter on the team.

Speaker 41 Good one. I think that goes for any gender, too.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 32 Without, yeah, like even

Speaker 3 what's what's even crazier there's like crime.

Speaker 53 There's like foot, you know, players that used to play that are like, you know, come back to start or whatever.

Speaker 17 So

Speaker 3 what's the worst?

Speaker 53 If you're the head coach of a of a, you know,

Speaker 53 any, any really 18 or under girl, like women's team and you're not,

Speaker 53 you have no relation to any

Speaker 12 team, like that. I think that's crazy.

Speaker 22 You could do it as like a high school basketball team. High school.
High school is fine. High school and JV is fine.

Speaker 22 But like doing like, if you're the little league coach and you don't have a kid on the team that's fucked unless you're a former professional athlete and you're coaching that can be kind of cool where you're just like trying to get all your aggression out i mean it's not cool but it's still like you know not as creepy but you you would have had to have had i think i can give even a little bit of a pass if you had a kid on the team and like you know say little league for example your kid's now 14 but you kept on co like that i might be like okay i guess you're just hanging on but to have like no relation to the team pre-crime yeah i'm gonna say that if you're like a youth women's gymnastics coach and you don't have a daughter, you should automatically go to jail.

Speaker 22 100% like how fucked up you have to be to be a gymnastics coach in general. Yep.

Speaker 12 Yep.

Speaker 18 Or dance coach.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 49 Billy, you got another profound thought?

Speaker 24 After you just tried to absolve Hitler

Speaker 22 doings, just don't say that. That's not what I was saying.

Speaker 53 Larry Nasser was not that bad of a guy.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Okay, here we go.
Stop. Hank, your next one.

Speaker 53 Opening an offshore banking account.

Speaker 12 That is a crime.

Speaker 12 No, it's not. No, it's not a crime.

Speaker 53 Definitely not a crime. But it's something you do before a crime.

Speaker 12 Not necessarily. Or after.

Speaker 32 Okay, so it is a precision.

Speaker 12 Hank is right.

Speaker 53 Why would you open an offshore banking account, PayPal?

Speaker 12 Hank is right. Why would you open an offshore account? Hank is right, but it's kind of a cool pre-crime because it means you're just going to have a lot of money.

Speaker 15 No, I do not.

Speaker 12 Does anybody need this Ruben Oshore?

Speaker 4 I used to, I used to, back way back in the day

Speaker 4 when gambling wasn't legalized, I used to have to go to Western Union to send my paycheck to Aruba offshore.

Speaker 12 Kaching

Speaker 12 sounds like crime.

Speaker 58 That sounds exactly like crime.

Speaker 12 Well, it sounds like you needed to open the account so you could sell it. No, I didn't have an account.

Speaker 6 I would have to send the money.

Speaker 22 You guys are not talking about busting people for tax evasion.

Speaker 53 I'm not talking about busting people.

Speaker 12 He's right.

Speaker 22 Max is one of those 87,000 IRS.

Speaker 53 Again, Big Cat literally proved the point. Gambling was illegal.
He wanted to gamble, which was at the time a crime. So he had to open an offshore bank account before he could commit the banks.

Speaker 4 There wasn't an an account. I had to send it to an account.

Speaker 9 Right.

Speaker 12 But, right.

Speaker 53 If you're opening an account, then you got that's big money and it's like you're trying to avoid taxes or you're trying to wash money.

Speaker 36 I'm going to agree with Hank.

Speaker 6 Like, if one of us walked in and was like, Hey, just open up a new Swiss account, you'd be like, Huh?

Speaker 12 Yeah. What are you doing with that? Yeah, right, right.
I'm going to hide money, which is a good question. That's good pick.
That's a good point.

Speaker 22 Yeah, you know, who else had a Swiss banking account, Hank? So thank you for feeding into mine.

Speaker 12 All right.

Speaker 33 Next pick.

Speaker 24 Good picks, guys.

Speaker 53 I'm just saying there's a lot of people born that day.

Speaker 24 Okay, so this one is

Speaker 7 we're going to do interacting with porn stars online, whether it be the comments section or buying them like gifts off their Amazon gift list.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Big time pre-crowd.

Speaker 22 Yeah, there's a bunch of things that fall into this one. The Amazon gift wish list thing is just bizarre.

Speaker 22 Retweeting porn stars online is fucking weird. It's like, I want other people to see this porn too.

Speaker 22 Liking porn tweets is also very strange. And then replying and be like, like, show feet, baby.
Yeah.

Speaker 19 That's all the above.

Speaker 4 Like, you look really hot today.

Speaker 57 Remember that red sweater guy from the debates?

Speaker 12 Penbone. Penbone.

Speaker 22 Well, no, he just was pregnant.

Speaker 12 He was former Takey presenter.

Speaker 23 Yes, former Takey presenter.

Speaker 22 He was just into Prego porn.

Speaker 48 The Amazon gift lists are just wild.

Speaker 11 It's like, I'm going to buy my favorite porn star

Speaker 12 like a vacuum cleaner for her house, and hopefully she'll fuck me.

Speaker 22 One of the saddest things I've ever seen, this kind of goes in the same direction. There was this girl that I knew in college, and she was nice.

Speaker 22 She had a boyfriend, and she had a friend that was just always around her and creeping on her. And he bought her a vibrator

Speaker 22 just to be like, hey, I think that, like, this is a very sexually healthy thing for you to have. And he was just the biggest simp in the world.
Yeah. It's like ultimate simp behavior.

Speaker 12 Yes.

Speaker 22 Is buying something. Never buy a woman anything is the moral of my story.

Speaker 2 That was Stephen Che. His brain is broken.

Speaker 27 He said that

Speaker 7 someone brought in lunch today and panadas. And he's like, do you want want me to grab some for everyone?

Speaker 2 And I was like, yeah, just leave it outside.

Speaker 12 We're recording. And he just opened the door.

Speaker 45 So his brain is broken.

Speaker 24 Sorry for the interruption there by Stephen Che.

Speaker 25 Yeah,

Speaker 33 that's fucked up, PFT.

Speaker 12 I know. That's pre-crime.
Pre-crime. All right.

Speaker 31 Going around the snake.

Speaker 12 Our turn. Yeah.

Speaker 57 So we're going with going on 4chan,

Speaker 22 which you do.

Speaker 12 You do all this.

Speaker 22 You said, I think clearly two days ago, you said that you have been on 4chan.

Speaker 54 So we have killing frogs and going on 4chan.

Speaker 52 Billy, are you just giving us your manifesto?

Speaker 57 No, no, no, no. Come on.

Speaker 23 Relax.

Speaker 15 I don't go on 4chan.

Speaker 57 For the record, you can look through my computer. What's 4chan?

Speaker 12 I wish I never heard of it.

Speaker 50 It's a terrible place.

Speaker 12 They're going to come after your ass now.

Speaker 15 Oh, I've been fighting them already.

Speaker 30 Oh, but you haven't been on?

Speaker 12 No, no, no. Where are you fighting them?

Speaker 53 I thought you were supposed to, aren't you, like, anti-regulations?

Speaker 12 Yeah, that's one of the things.

Speaker 53 One of the last safe spaces on the internet.

Speaker 50 Free speech, baby. Yeah, it's pretty.

Speaker 53 Actually, well, even worse is 8-chan. Yeah, it gets fucked up.
It is pretty. Yeah, I mean, if you're going on there, you're going if you're going on any channel.

Speaker 22 I feel like it is progressing, though. Like, 4chan might not be as I don't know anything about 4chan is not as 8-chan.
So, yeah, so the higher the number of the chan, the worse the people there are.

Speaker 22 Is that fair to say? Exactly.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 7 Your next pick.

Speaker 57 Finish this up, Jake.

Speaker 28 Do you like this one, Billy?

Speaker 12 Yes, we need Jake.

Speaker 22 Onlychan's.com.

Speaker 22 That should be the next website. Yeah.

Speaker 12 Oh. To get the dangest memes.
Did you do that? If it's hot, yeah.

Speaker 6 That was figuring out if they were going to pick eating pizza with a knife and fork.

Speaker 28 Yeah, but sometimes you do it when it's hot. So I'm going to do it.

Speaker 12 Scraping.

Speaker 28 Yeah, yeah. Scraping cheese off of it.
Scraping cheese off pizza.

Speaker 12 Scraping cheese off.

Speaker 59 Drinking straight tequila.

Speaker 50 Okay.

Speaker 12 What's it going to be? Okay, both

Speaker 53 five slots.

Speaker 32 Yeah, you guys get both those pics.

Speaker 12 Those are so bad.

Speaker 12 I'm not going to do that. I think that is a good thing.
sure. People do that every single day.

Speaker 50 Yeah, if you're gonna scrape the cheese off, why are you ordering the cheese?

Speaker 53 Jake, you're the king of like watching your figure and like making, you know, I want to, you know, I want to eat something bad, but I don't want to eat too bad, so I'm going to scrape the cheese off.

Speaker 12 Like, is that right up your eyebrows?

Speaker 22 By the way, the fact that

Speaker 22 Billy makes all these 4chan comments and then immediately like scraping cheese off pizza, that sounds like some deep state, like Hillary Clinton pizzagate shit that you guys are.

Speaker 22 What does that mean, scraping cheese off pizza?

Speaker 12 Like, Billy?

Speaker 6 Like, just taking the cheese off the pizza?

Speaker 28 Before eating it, you just eat the dough and some leftover sauce.

Speaker 19 Okay, and then also you get drinking.

Speaker 12 Drinking tequila, which is like not even close to pre-crime. So taking a shot of tequila?

Speaker 57 No, taking a shot at tequila, no chaser, no nothing, just knocking tequila.

Speaker 22 Just taking a shot of tequila.

Speaker 18 So I did.

Speaker 53 You never had good tequila.

Speaker 12 Yeah. So

Speaker 22 in your eyes, like Kenny Chesney is Hitler then.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 35 This is the, of all your 23-year-old takes, this might be your most 23-year-old take to be like, tequila, gross.

Speaker 27 No, I drink tequila.

Speaker 59 I just the thing is, I've been told it's a pre-crime when I do it.

Speaker 12 Wait, by who?

Speaker 19 Did you go with Jake? No,

Speaker 22 I just was like, wait, so in your mind, you drink tequila.

Speaker 59 I had to think of something quickly because Jake was about to scrape cheese off pizza.

Speaker 12 You crushed it.

Speaker 28 Yeah, you got lie.

Speaker 56 He said that before.

Speaker 50 Yeah, tequila before the pizza.

Speaker 12 Yeah, that's true. Why?

Speaker 32 Okay, so those are your last two picks.

Speaker 4 Good job, guys.

Speaker 1 We'll give you five picks on this one.

Speaker 32 Okay, PFT, our last last pick.

Speaker 12 Okay,

Speaker 12 our last pick is adult autograph seekers.

Speaker 22 We've seen them recently at Bill's training camp when they were just like throwing shit onto the field, especially the ones that show up with their suitcases filled with stuff and they run their operation like Oliver Twist and they send their little orphans out to go get autographs and bring them back.

Speaker 12 That is a crime.

Speaker 32 Yeah, those guys are.

Speaker 12 What? How is that a crime? They're hustling. Trying to make a building.

Speaker 48 No, that is

Speaker 2 adult autograph seekers.

Speaker 13 If you just wrangled them all up and like had a conference with them, you'd be like, crime, crime, crime, crime.

Speaker 12 Can I change?

Speaker 22 No, so what we're saying is like doing this act.

Speaker 53 Yes, I want to hear what you say, but you can't.

Speaker 22 But I guarantee you, like Big Cat says, if you look at the average profile,

Speaker 22 they're committing all sorts of other crimes. Crimes.
Correct. They got their fingers in a lot of pies.

Speaker 2 They are most likely to commit a crime, which is pre-crime.

Speaker 12 Go ahead, Billy.

Speaker 57 This, I'm replacing our last.

Speaker 33 No, yeah.

Speaker 12 I mean, I'll tell you what, I'll let you add on. So you get even another

Speaker 54 six.

Speaker 22 Keep talking. Getting a massage.

Speaker 12 Nope. Okay, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 33 There we go.

Speaker 28 You've never gotten a massage?

Speaker 1 No, he's making it to Sean Watson joke.

Speaker 57 I've never gotten a massage where you like go in a private room.

Speaker 12 Gross. Someone put a picture of the music.
Wait, but wait, were you just doing like ordinary massages? No, no, like lie down in the lobby chairs or something. In like

Speaker 12 training room.

Speaker 22 You get massages like with like 40. It's a gangbang of people getting massages.

Speaker 17 So that's what a 23-year-old take.

Speaker 36 Massages are are pretty cool.

Speaker 53 And private.

Speaker 12 Extremely private. Yes.

Speaker 57 Like training massages I get, but I don't know.

Speaker 22 It's kind of. What about a couples massage?

Speaker 53 Your body gets stressed.

Speaker 59 I know it was kind of, I don't know.

Speaker 12 You're like a muscle guy.

Speaker 6 I love you, Billy, because this is like, I'm just getting to watch

Speaker 4 what your idea of like alpha and tough is, is so funny because it's like, you're going to, I don't think,

Speaker 59 I was making it to Sean Watson.

Speaker 11 You're going to write us a letter when you're our age and be like, I'm sorry.

Speaker 32 Somebody, everything, you guys are right.

Speaker 14 Like, getting massages pretty nice. I

Speaker 12 know that it's nice, but like pre-crime.

Speaker 22 I literally told Billy that yesterday. I was like, right now, when you're my age, you're going to look back at yourself and be like, wow, I didn't know it all.

Speaker 12 Yeah, no, I knew nothing.

Speaker 31 I knew nothing.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 22 But no, I get the joke. There are some people that have replied to me when I talk about Deshaun Watson and be like, what, have you, you ever been to a massage parlour, man? You ever got a rub and tug?

Speaker 22 It's like, no.

Speaker 12 No, I haven't.

Speaker 22 I literally have not.

Speaker 57 If someone's going to get like massages constantly, it's kind of weird.

Speaker 12 Agreed.

Speaker 4 I would say I'm not

Speaker 53 defending Deshaun Watson when he did it was fucked up. But again, there is far more athletes,

Speaker 53 especially

Speaker 12 football players that need massages.

Speaker 59 Well, in the training relationship.

Speaker 53 Like, Deshaun Watson is the outlier of scumbags that

Speaker 53 was an asshole. But there's a lot of athletes that massages are good.

Speaker 46 But that...

Speaker 37 But that's also like that.

Speaker 53 I'm not a training athlete.

Speaker 53 If I was working, my muscles and

Speaker 53 every time I've gotten terror gunned myself, I've probably gotten five massages in my life.

Speaker 61 Every time I've gotten one, I've been like, I should do that more because I feel fucking way better.

Speaker 7 Like, my neck isn't stiff.

Speaker 54 My shoulders don't feel like they're holding everything.

Speaker 53 And it's standard practice for athletes. Yeah.

Speaker 7 I should get more massages.

Speaker 58 I used to get deep tissue massages all the time when I played

Speaker 12 when I played baseball.

Speaker 58 I'm a little surprised that you haven't actually.

Speaker 12 Wow!

Speaker 12 Bat girl! How good of an athlete were you? Let's go, Batgirl.

Speaker 59 I got massages in the training room.

Speaker 12 Oh, wow. In front of everybody.
Wow.

Speaker 59 But like, I got massages just not.

Speaker 12 So they knew you weren't gay. I think

Speaker 12 it's fine.

Speaker 22 Like, getting massages is a completely normal thing to do. Correct.
But if you become a massage guy, that gets them all the time. That is weird.
I agree with that.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Okay.
Well, you have six picks.

Speaker 22 Sounds like you were a pretty good college athlete.

Speaker 58 One year college baseball.

Speaker 14 How many dingers?

Speaker 58 Three dingers. Damn.
I was the Matt Stairs of college baseball. Oh, hell yes.
Pinch hitter. Pinch hitter who only tried to hit bombs.
I love it.

Speaker 12 That's fucking. I like that.
All right.

Speaker 32 You guys have six picks.

Speaker 22 Do you want to add a seventh?

Speaker 12 Yeah. Okay.
Go ahead.

Speaker 59 Downloading Tor browser.

Speaker 22 Okay. Which you probably also have done.

Speaker 12 I never even heard of that.

Speaker 12 Like, where did you always talk about a deep web, Billy? You're a deep web guy.

Speaker 42 This is great.

Speaker 24 Do you have another one?

Speaker 19 Can you have another one?

Speaker 22 So, so we always joke around with Billy about how every time he talks, he incriminates himself, even when, like, if we're interrogating him about something in this one, it's explicitly pre-crime, and you just keep listing things that you have done.

Speaker 22 Yes.

Speaker 12 I've never downloaded Tor.

Speaker 48 How do you know what it is?

Speaker 59 Because I know what it's used for.

Speaker 22 How to get to the Silk Road.

Speaker 57 Because I watched the documentary.

Speaker 22 I think you have downloaded encrypted browsers. No.
You're Mr. Duck, Duck, Duck, Go.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 53 If you're telling me you haven't bought steroids off one of these websites, I'd call it bullshit.

Speaker 12 I haven't.

Speaker 24 Okay. You want an eighth?

Speaker 54 This is the last one you can get.

Speaker 36 Would you like an eighth?

Speaker 12 Everything, Jake. Empty.

Speaker 48 Nothing, Billy.

Speaker 53 Nah, let Jake go. Let Jake go.
Come on.

Speaker 37 Jake, empty the clay. Come on.
Give us one last one.

Speaker 12 They don't have anything. Billy had one more.

Speaker 22 Yeah, let the chopper say.

Speaker 61 Billy had one more.

Speaker 12 Yeah, you emphasized it.

Speaker 57 Oh, watching anime.

Speaker 12 Oh, my God.

Speaker 12 Nice.

Speaker 6 Anime is great.

Speaker 48 Are you an anime guy? Dragon Ball Z? I mean, it's like

Speaker 53 it's entertaining. It's a show.
Yeah. Like, it's a form of show.

Speaker 57 There's an overlap of 4chan and anime.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 22 I've never, I don't think I've ever watched an anime.

Speaker 53 I mean, I watched Dragon Ball Z as a kid, which I learned after the fact as an anime, but I fucking love that show.

Speaker 24 All right, Hank, your team's last pick.

Speaker 53 We're going to go with eating fish for lunch in the office.

Speaker 12 Ooh, okay.

Speaker 12 Should be a crime. Yeah.
Should be a, yeah, it should be a real crime.

Speaker 53 Yes. It's definitely pre-crime.
Like, you just have no standards or, like, you know, empathy for any of your coworkers or peers. Yep.
Yep. And you're likely to commit a crime afterwards.

Speaker 22 What about like a fried fish sandwich?

Speaker 12 that you order from, I don't know, Popeyes or something.

Speaker 53 Filet fish. That's not as bad.

Speaker 24 Yeah, no, you're talking tuna fish. You're talking like actual actual fish, salmon.

Speaker 13 I'd say heated up.

Speaker 22 I'd say tuna salad's okay.

Speaker 22 Anything in the microwave.

Speaker 57 Sushi's fine, right?

Speaker 53 Sushi's fine. Yep, yep.
Yeah, I would say like if you order something from Popeyes, yeah, but like if you're getting McDonald's filet fish for lunch.

Speaker 20 That is, that's kind of pre-crowned.

Speaker 12 Could be Catholic. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 23 Which could also be pre-crowned.

Speaker 12 Correct? Yep.

Speaker 25 Okay.

Speaker 9 Anything we missed? Anything we missed? I had

Speaker 1 wearing socks during sex.

Speaker 14 That's just a weird thing that I feel like, I don't know, there's something going on there.

Speaker 17 Billy, do you do that?

Speaker 22 Intentionally wearing socks.

Speaker 12 Yeah, like because I'm not going to take off my socks.

Speaker 53 Yeah, but sometimes you're just

Speaker 29 being like, I'm going to keep my socks on because we're having sex.

Speaker 12 You know who does that?

Speaker 48 Who? Nelly.

Speaker 22 Nelly says, like, when Nelly's fucking, it's only the socks and the chain that stays on.

Speaker 36 Getting really into clowns.

Speaker 22 Or being a clown.

Speaker 1 Or being a clown.

Speaker 54 John Wayne Casey, yeah.

Speaker 22 Owning more than two cats.

Speaker 12 I had. Yep.

Speaker 57 Listening to Insane Clown Posse.

Speaker 22 I don't know. You're not a ninja? You're not a a Juggalo?

Speaker 12 No. Billy just.
I'm not.

Speaker 22 ICP is definitely pre-crime. I think ICP, the Juggalo community, they get a bad rap.

Speaker 12 I think they're very positive.

Speaker 4 They're welcoming.

Speaker 22 Yeah, they're very welcoming. I think you need to open your.
We should send Billy to Gathering of the Juggalos.

Speaker 57 That would go well.

Speaker 12 Jeez. Yeah.

Speaker 53 Buying low-top Air Force, black Air Force Ones. Yep.

Speaker 12 I agree.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 22 That's definitely pre-crime. High tops are fine.
The people whose entire personality is that they really go all out at Christmas time. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 12 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 22 pre-crime.

Speaker 22 Ignoring a dog when it's trying to be friendly to you, Eddie.

Speaker 12 Eddie.

Speaker 22 If a dog comes up and like snuggles and you just completely act like the dog's not there,

Speaker 20 jail. Yeah.

Speaker 53 Being coached by Urban Meyer.

Speaker 12 Yeah, that's good. Oh, damn, that's a great one.

Speaker 22 Whose pick was that?

Speaker 53 I asked for like, we should think of an Aaron Hernandez one and memes sent out back.

Speaker 12 That was a great pick by memes.

Speaker 22 I can't believe you iced him out.

Speaker 22 If you're a guy and you get your nipples pierced. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Doing.

Speaker 41 You you guys are kink shamers.

Speaker 24 Doing baby talk to like

Speaker 15 animals that you don't own.

Speaker 49 Like you're not your

Speaker 53 or your significant other.

Speaker 27 Or your significant other. Baby talk publicly.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Yeah.
Public baby talk.

Speaker 22 Wait, what if what if you see a dog if Whitey was in here and I went up to Whitey and go, who's a good boy?

Speaker 47 That

Speaker 37 if you keep on going though, like that would just one line, sure.

Speaker 24 But like if you go full baby talk to a dog that is not your dog, I think that's kind of pre-crime.

Speaker 22 Because I always have to ask a dog who's yeah, that's a simple question.

Speaker 33 It's not pre-crime.

Speaker 47 But if you keep on going, you're like, oh, wait, you have a good day today?

Speaker 47 Yo, Whitey, what are you doing, Waiter?

Speaker 12 Whose fluffy wheel tail is this? Yeah, that's your fluffy tail.

Speaker 22 Yeah, that's that's yeah, you're right. I want to lock myself up right now.
Yes, if you're a certified elite-level reviewer on Yelp, it's pre-crime.

Speaker 31 Yeah, although those people are kind of the silent guardians of the internet, in a way, in a way, in a way.

Speaker 25 Okay, anything?

Speaker 22 Unironically tweeting at airlines?

Speaker 12 Yep.

Speaker 23 Yep, that big time pre-crime,

Speaker 23 Big time pre-crime.

Speaker 40 Being like, or unironically complaining to any type of

Speaker 40 account on Twitter that, you know,

Speaker 4 trying to get free shit, Chrissy Teigen.

Speaker 12 Owning a puppet.

Speaker 48 No, you're talking about,

Speaker 22 what's her name? Kelly Kapoor.

Speaker 12 Kelly Kapoor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep. I forget her name.
She did that. If you own a puppet.
You're midkaling.

Speaker 9 You mindy kaling. You own a puppet?

Speaker 12 Jail. Puppet.
Puppet and motorcade. Ventriloquist.

Speaker 12 Yeah, ventriloquist. That's an art.
That's a big criticism.

Speaker 53 That's an ar form.

Speaker 12 That's a pre-crime.

Speaker 61 Okay, good Mount Rushmore.

Speaker 53 Taking socks off on a plane was the other one.

Speaker 12 Oh, dude, I saw a guy at the other door.

Speaker 53 I do take my shoes off, though.

Speaker 9 There was a guy at the other day.

Speaker 12 I think it was when we were flying back from Denver.

Speaker 35 Socks and shoes off.

Speaker 29 Went to the bathroom.

Speaker 12 Ooh. It was wild.

Speaker 18 I was like, what is going on?

Speaker 53 I think the Chicago guys did something and I was defending. I do take my shoes off because I fall asleep.

Speaker 37 Flight over

Speaker 11 three hours, I think.

Speaker 53 Yeah, like I always fall asleep, and for whatever reason, it's easier to fall asleep with your shoes off.

Speaker 48 Yeah,

Speaker 12 I don't like that. I don't like that move.

Speaker 15 I think a long-distance flight, you can take your shoes off.

Speaker 27 I think shoes are falling.

Speaker 53 But you're saying your socks are like socks.

Speaker 12 My socks are clean. I don't know.

Speaker 22 I'm just not a foot guy. Maybe if I could see if you brought slippers onto a plane, you change into your slippers.
Just like put something over your feet.

Speaker 53 Socks.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 31 I mean,

Speaker 22 I understand how illogical what I'm saying is, but there's just something to me about seeing somebody in socks on a plane where I'm like,

Speaker 15 I wish they had some more fabric on there.

Speaker 18 Okay, let's get to Terry McClaurin, Washington Commander's wide receiver.

Speaker 9 Before we do that, PFT, you had a quick word from one of our sponsors.

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Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest, wide receiver from the Washington Commanders, Terry McLaurin.

Speaker 52 Terry, thank you for joining us.

Speaker 37 We appreciate it.

Speaker 35 I know you probably are sick of talking about it, but I have to start with a congratulations for your new contract.

Speaker 12 Appreciate that. $71 million.

Speaker 43 What I know, it's a lame question to ask, but I think everyone kind of loves to think like what would happen if I had, you know, that, if I put ink to paper on a contract like that.

Speaker 31 What was that feeling like?

Speaker 24 And did you buy anything really cool?

Speaker 63 Man, it was crazy to

Speaker 63 sign that contract and to finally hear from my agent, like the deal was done.

Speaker 63 I don't think a lot of people can appreciate how far that process, like how far you get to that actual signing, the contract. There's so much that goes into that.

Speaker 63 And so to be able to have that done and to be like, like, dang, like my family is, I could take care of my family. I could take care of my future family.
I can do more in my community.

Speaker 63 And I'll be somewhere where like, I'll have security. You know what I mean? So like, just having that feeling was, was crazy.
I I haven't really bought, I haven't bought anything for myself yet.

Speaker 63 Like, it's really just, I've kind of tried to let the money cool off for a little bit.

Speaker 12 I like that.

Speaker 63 I did a few things for my parents, but for myself, I haven't did anything yet.

Speaker 16 And it's especially cool for a guy like you who wasn't, you know, a first-round draft pick, who doesn't get that initial pop, and you're playing in the NFL for three years.

Speaker 15 And everyone knows, you know, NFL careers don't last forever. And you're not making that, you know, I think everyone assumes like, oh, Terry McLaurin, he's awesome.

Speaker 61 He must be rich.

Speaker 12 And you still had to wait a couple of years to have that moment.

Speaker 33 So it's, it's, congratulations again.

Speaker 44 It's awesome, man.

Speaker 63 I appreciate that.

Speaker 22 Yeah. Yeah, it was, it was well deserved, beyond well-deserved.
So I'm a Washington Commanders fan. I used to be a Redskins fan.
Then for a while, I was a football team fan.

Speaker 22 So I appreciate everything that you've done on the field these last few years. It's been fun to watch.
Are you still getting used to the new team name?

Speaker 22 I'll put it this way: I like the football team. I like saying, like, we're a football team.
We don't need a candy ass mascot. We're a football team.
We play football. Do you still miss that?

Speaker 63 This has been my third team in three years. That was my third team in three years.
So like you, you never really got used to any of them for myself.

Speaker 63 But like, I mean, I'm just hoping that, you know, people can rally around this some way, shape or form. But I think at the end of the day, you got to win.
You know what I mean? Like.

Speaker 63 I was like, we could be called the flying ducks as long as we win games, man. Like, I think that's extremely important.

Speaker 63 But also, like, not to diminish the history of Washington and like like the prestige of which they, which they had at one,

Speaker 63 at one point in history, like having Doug Williams in our building, you get to see and talk to him and hear his wisdom all the time.

Speaker 63 So, like, no matter what the team name is, I just want to get back to what that standard used to be.

Speaker 19 Yeah, I agree. I think that

Speaker 22 when the name came out, everybody, somebody was going to roast it no matter what, because it's a new name.

Speaker 22 If you look around the league, the names that exist right now, if they came out as new team names, people would be like, New York Giants, what the hell kind of name is that?

Speaker 22 You know, but if you start winning football games, then I think everybody's going to be happy about it.

Speaker 12 No doubt.

Speaker 22 And the jerseys look sick on Sunday, too, or on Saturday.

Speaker 12 I like the new commanders' uniforms.

Speaker 63 Yeah, the white on white was pretty cool. And I think the helmets, man, I think the helmets need to get a little bit more love.

Speaker 63 Like, it's super sleek, but like when the light hits it the right way, like, those are some pretty, pretty good helmets. So, um, I think, you know, we'll get to see the blacks this year.

Speaker 63 Obviously, we'll have the maroon before too long.

Speaker 5 So, um you know i think i think the colors will be really good for it is it true like look good feel good feel good play good like i i always i do a lot of my gambling on uniforms like how how you know if someone drops a crazy new uniform and it's like this looks great i mean i i remember uh what the oregon versus auburn in the national championship i didn't win but oregon's uniforms was like they can't lose in these No doubt.

Speaker 63 I think that

Speaker 63 comment right there is 100% facts. Like you you look good, you feel good, you play good.
It's the swag. It's the aura you come when you walk into the building.
Like,

Speaker 63 it's big to have a nice walk-in fit. You know what I mean? If we're on the way, have a nice suit, look real clean.
And then you

Speaker 63 put on that jersey. Like, you want it to fit nice.
You want, you know, every guy has their different accessories and like what they like to put on.

Speaker 63 But I definitely think that's part of the routine, at least for me.

Speaker 63 You feel good, you feel confident. and you're ready to go out there and make some plays.

Speaker 12 So I had a question about your beginning at ohio state um is it true that urban meyer said that he he didn't give you an offer because he said you couldn't catch

Speaker 12 uh

Speaker 63 i saw that circling around a little bit yeah i think so i was in his office and he he basically was like you know look we like your speed we like the person you are we don't really know too much about you because i got invited to a camp on like I think Coach Combs, who was a DB coach, he was my recruiter.

Speaker 63 So he came to my high school early June. And by that next week, I was visiting Ohio State.
So they didn't really know who I was. And I finished the workout.
I was a fast kid at the camp.

Speaker 63 I was killing it. And then Coach Meyer was like, you're going, like, Coach Cohn's was like, you're going to get this, this, or this.
And, and, but usually you don't get the middle, the middle thumb.

Speaker 63 And, and so, of course, I go in there. I'm super excited.
I'm thinking about to get offer. And I get.
the thumbs in the middle. I'm looking around like, yo,

Speaker 63 what's going on? Like, I thought I wasn't supposed to get that.

Speaker 63 So like, he basically was like, like your hands aren't he really said your hands aren't good enough uh right now to be able to feel comfortable enough extending you an offer but this is what i tell you because if you go home um

Speaker 63 catch 200 footballs a day come back in two weeks you'll work out in front of me as soon as you get here um and we could go from there like there's a chance you can have an offer And like, at first, I'm not going to lie, I was kind of like disappointed because I felt like all the boxes that I needed to check at that moment,

Speaker 63 based off of what Coach Cohn's was telling me, the the feelings I was getting from the coaching staff, I thought I was going to get offers. So at that moment,

Speaker 63 I had a choice to either like, okay, I'm either going to go and accept one of these other offers that I had at the time, or I'm going to take this and let it like fuel me and just get challenged in a new way.

Speaker 63 Because when you're in high school football, like there's challenges, but like a lot of the times those guys are playing those D1 schools are the better kids on their teams, better kids in your area.

Speaker 63 So I felt like being challenged that way helped me honestly

Speaker 63 take my game to another level. So when I came back, I was like,

Speaker 63 it took probably like five routes and Coach Meyer was like, yo, you're done. Like, you got an offer.
That's all.

Speaker 63 So, like, that was not only was that like a challenge and it was disappointing at the time, but it also like I had a decision to make as a young man. Like, I'm 17, 18 years old at the time.

Speaker 63 Like, am I going to quit and go take another offer, which I felt like I had other good offers, or was I going to take this challenge and come back better? And not only that, like, I came back better.

Speaker 63 It blew him away and I got the offer.

Speaker 63 And it was kind of like, it honestly was like, kind of like setting the foundation foundation of what my career, what my character, what my legacy was going to be there.

Speaker 22 Yeah. Nobody likes the side thumbs.

Speaker 11 Yeah. Tell me one way or the other.

Speaker 22 I don't want to be sitting in somebody's office and they're like, yeah, you're mid.

Speaker 12 Yeah, yeah. Like Terry's low-key mid.

Speaker 12 Did you catch the 200 balls a day?

Speaker 37 Did you go and catch 200 balls a day?

Speaker 63 Yeah, I did. So I had my high school quarterback at the time.
We would throw passes. My dad was throwing me passes.
My mom was throwing me passes. My neighbor across the street was throwing me passes.

Speaker 63 I dead, dead ass, like, caught 200 footballs every single day for two weeks. And I came back and he saw the significant improvement right there.

Speaker 63 And that's when it clicked for me because I loved Ohio State was close to home, the great tradition that's there, the chance to win national championships, that chance to go to the NFL.

Speaker 63 All that was there for me. But like being challenged in that way, like I was like, shoot, if I can get better in two weeks just doing that, what can I do over a four or five year span?

Speaker 63 And so that's kind of really what sold me at Ohio State and, you know, the rest was history after that.

Speaker 22 So what do you do now to keep your hands great? Because I think you've got some of the best hands in the game. That's, you know, when you're catching.
So like, how do you work on that at this level?

Speaker 18 Is it still catching a lot of balls?

Speaker 12 Or do you like, are you a manicure guy?

Speaker 22 Do you take care of your hands that way?

Speaker 63 I do take care of my hands. These are the money makers.
But I think for me.

Speaker 63 Honestly, it's so ironic because something that I feel like a lot of people would have said was my ball skills was one of my weaknesses in college and coming into the league. I think it's become

Speaker 63 a strength of my game genuinely. I think it's become like something that I can rely on that I can put the time and work and the effort in.

Speaker 63 And it's something I can say, like, I've gotten truly better at this skill.

Speaker 63 And for it to be as bad as it was and to see where it is now, like, that's super dope because I think it's a testament to the hard work you put in. But I think I don't take it for granted there.

Speaker 63 You know what I mean? Like, I'm still really highly focused on catching the ball when I'm in practice.

Speaker 63 Like you sometimes see practice, you may see me looking at the ball a little bit when I'm catching routes on there because I'm trying to train my eyes to catch the ball.

Speaker 63 So when the bullets are flying in the game, arms being grabbed on, everything, like everything's not really perfect. You got to be able to focus on that football and bring it in.

Speaker 63 You really catch it with your eyes. So I'll see, you'll still see me like catching the jugs.

Speaker 63 I think when I catch the jugs, I think the jugs drill is a great drill, genuinely just to catch, you know, catch and tuck the ball.

Speaker 63 But i think where things took a turn for me for the better with my ball skills was when i went to ohio state and we started developing like jugs drills so i would put like you i don't know if you've seen the big the tackle dummy uh that the d lineman used i would put that about 10 yards away of the jugs machine and i would knock it out with my hand so the thing would tip over to the side and then the person would shoot the jugs ball i'd catch it and i let the the bag hit my hands and so that was kind of just simulating just not the contested catch of the bag hitting your hands, but also like your obstructed vision.

Speaker 63 Sometimes you're not going to be able to see when the ball's thrown, but you got to be able to track it and bring it in. So I definitely still work on those things and practice.

Speaker 63 Like the attention to detail is really what I feel like becomes the habits because you're going to revert to your habits come the game.

Speaker 63 Like it's, it's hard to do something in the game that you've never practiced before.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I like that next level jugs drills.

Speaker 12 Yeah. You're taking it.

Speaker 22 It makes more sense to do that because, yeah, I'm sure the jugs machine, it gives you good luck, especially if, you know, you're just standing seven, eight yards away. It's a quick catch.

Speaker 22 You get the hand-eye coordination, but also like having having the tackling dummy involved, hitting your hands, feels like

Speaker 22 it adds like a little more realism to the game. So I feel like that's a

Speaker 22 smart thing to do.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 46 So I had one other, or I had two other Ohio State questions.

Speaker 19 One, we're friends with Joe Burrow.

Speaker 48 We've had him on a couple times.

Speaker 12 Great dude.

Speaker 43 You obviously, you know, he didn't play, you know, he transferred, but he was with you for a couple of years.

Speaker 52 Did you know, are you surprised at all about the Joe Burrow stories and like, this is the dude?

Speaker 4 Like, he's, did he have that swagger even when he wasn't?

Speaker 12 Because that's the interesting part.

Speaker 46 He wasn't a starter.

Speaker 36 He wasn't Joe Burrow that we know now, but it seems like he's always been the same guy.

Speaker 63 Joe's been the same dude since I met him back when he came to Ohio State in 2015. Like me and Joe are still really cool to this day.
And I think we have a real genuine friendship because.

Speaker 63 We both were guys at Ohio State were just guys. We were both trying to fight for our respect on the team to have opportunity to play.

Speaker 63 And, you know, obviously he had his success somewhere else, but we all knew what was in Joe Burrow from the person that he was, the leader that he was and the player that he was.

Speaker 63 He just has that, that, that you can't coach when it comes to football in general, let alone at the quarterback position. He has that.
And then some, like he's winning all the sprints out there.

Speaker 63 We did like St. Valentine's Day workouts.
He's like.

Speaker 63 just going crazy in there like we've had some team meetings and he stepped up and said some things that were might be controversial to other people, but he was standing up for guys in our locker room.

Speaker 63 You know what I mean? So like he's, he's that type of dude where you want to go to war with him any day, any week. Like you want somebody is Joe Burrow.

Speaker 63 And then, so it was so cool to see a guy like that to have his success in college and see what he's doing in the NFL. Like he deserves it.
And I've always been.

Speaker 63 I guess you could say Joe Burrow stand account.

Speaker 63 I just believe in that dude's ability so much more for the person than he is just the player. Like the person is the reason why you see the player.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 34 Yeah,

Speaker 15 it's great to hear that from

Speaker 4 someone who knew him and was with him before he became the starting quarterback because it is, Joe Burrow breaks that mold of, you know, analytics are so advanced now and everyone's doing advanced number.

Speaker 6 It's like sometimes it's just easy enough to be like, he's that dude.

Speaker 12 Like he

Speaker 4 is that guy and he has that.

Speaker 34 He has it.

Speaker 12 And people will follow him.

Speaker 34 Not saying he doesn't have talent otherwise, but that like moxie or whatever you want to call it, he's always had.

Speaker 6 And that's why he's able to be such a great leader in QB1.

Speaker 63 Definitely. I think, just, I think also what keeps his hunger going is like he never feels like he has it.

Speaker 63 Like he has that, there's that, that appetite to continue to get better or things are not perfect. He's wanting to get the rep right.
He wants to get

Speaker 63 the guys feeling confident in what they're doing.

Speaker 63 he puts a lot of time and work into his body to lifting to throwing like everything that it needs to be done like he's trying to do and so um i think there's just a testament to who he is and like obviously comes from a football family and you know you could tell he was um

Speaker 22 he was instilled with with great just foundational uh characteristics yeah as far as uh commanders quarterbacks go taylor heineke came on the show a couple months ago and i i love taylor taylor is like well i love watching him play the play is never over when taylor's out there he's going to try to make a play one way or another and i i've always noticed that when he gets out of the pocket he'll do that thing where when he's really feeling himself, when he's like, okay, it's Taylor Heineke time, he'll point downfield.

Speaker 12 And he'll like,

Speaker 22 I think he thinks he's giving you an instruction on what to do, but I think it's just more for his own confidence to be like, all right, I'm calling my shot right now.

Speaker 22 And I always know that something either really awesome or really terrible is about to happen, but it's going to be fun.

Speaker 22 He's going to try to make a play when he does that. When he's pointing, are you actually getting any instruction? Are you just like, okay, I know Taylor's about to just chuck one up here.

Speaker 22 I better go get it.

Speaker 63 When you see him pouring, you better start going that way because he's probably going to throw it. You know what I mean? Like, he just has that type of confidence in himself and his guys.

Speaker 63 Like, that's one thing that's always stuck out about him. Like, he's going to give you a chance.
You know what I mean? And I think he's definitely

Speaker 63 obviously wanted to continue to improve on himself and his decisions and things like that.

Speaker 63 Like, he never wanted to put the team in a tough position, but he believes in him and he believes in his guys.

Speaker 63 And something about that, when you see that in a quarterback, like, I'm telling you, it just galvanizes people. You You know what I mean? So, just the from day one, you know, meet him in

Speaker 63 when we played Tampa a few years ago in the playoffs. Like, he's, he's just played with an incredible spirit that is, is, you don't really find that in too many quarterbacks in the league at all.

Speaker 22 Yeah, he loves diving for the pylon, too. You better seal your blocks around the edge when he's like within 15 yards because he's going to put that football right on the pylon.

Speaker 12 Yeah,

Speaker 12 yes, that's a fact.

Speaker 34 Um, so I, I, I'm also a badger, uh, and you broke my heart.

Speaker 35 I mean, Ohio State always beats Wisconsin, but I had one specific moment, 2017 Big Ten Championship game.

Speaker 43 We were there.

Speaker 20 I know when Wisconsin takes a step up in class and has to play in Ohio State, there's, you know, there's a little bit of a difference in athleticism on the field.

Speaker 35 You had the 84-yard touchdown to start the game.

Speaker 39 Were you like, I'm just so much faster than these dudes?

Speaker 22 Like, it's not even there.

Speaker 61 Because that's how I felt watching it.

Speaker 12 I was like, it's not fair.

Speaker 63 Yeah. Yeah.
Like, this is what I say about Ohio State. Like, we definitely take pride in trying to have the best players

Speaker 63 and recruiting. Like, that's one of the top things that Coach Marine Coach, they always talk about is just recruiting.
You can't do anything without the players.

Speaker 63 But, like, we knew going into the Wisconsin games, like, especially playing at Camp Randall, they were going to be tough. They were going to be like, you, you better bring your toughness.

Speaker 63 Like, Coach Mick, the strength coach was like, bring your toughness to that game. because you never really know what could happen in those kind of games.

Speaker 63 I think that game fell into our favor where we got to play a style of ball that was in favor of us. Like we got to really dictate the line of scrimmage.

Speaker 63 We got to get the ball on the edge to our playmakers. And we had confidence in that.
We knew we had the advantage there.

Speaker 63 But if we didn't bring the toughness of our O-line and D-line, didn't set the tone up front with those guys that you guys got, like we wouldn't have been able to possibly get those same plays off.

Speaker 63 And so

Speaker 63 I think we just came in that game with an attack mindset, especially, you know, we felt like,

Speaker 63 you know, we were fighting for our playoff lives at that time.

Speaker 63 obviously we you know what happened in 2017 but um that game was was super fun as soon as i caught that ball i i'm not gonna lie i knew i was gone yeah no you were just faster than everyone on the field that was a really nice way of saying yes confirmed faster than everyone on the field how up was that turf thing though what were you guys saying on the sideline you remember that when they had the turf doctor out it took forever

Speaker 63 yeah when the dude came out with the bucket and the turf had came up like

Speaker 63 that that threw everybody off because like when you were so locked in and that i feel like that that game was like, we were just hot. You know what I mean?

Speaker 63 Everything was rolling for us and stuff like that could kind of throw off your momentum a little bit.

Speaker 63 So we were just trying to stay locked in on the sideline and make sure like whenever this is happens, we got to keep our intensity up.

Speaker 63 like i said with wisconsin teams the games are never really over yeah i that's a nice way of saying you always win yeah i appreciate that

Speaker 22 i feel like in a moment like that where the game's just being indefinitely delayed that's got to take its toll on on coach meyer too like he's probably on the sidelines you know the thing where he puts his hands on his knees.

Speaker 22 He's like hyperventilating, about to throw up because there's not a football happening.

Speaker 12 Yeah, the Maryland game. Remember the Maryland game? Were you worried about him?

Speaker 63 Which Maryland game?

Speaker 12 I think you were right.

Speaker 22 Was it 2018 or 2017?

Speaker 36 Yeah, when he started collapsing on the sideline because you guys were going to lose to Maryland, that he might have actually been

Speaker 12 sick, but I think it was more because of Maryland. Yeah, yeah, Maryland.

Speaker 63 Nah, like Coach Meyer is a super intense coach. Like, every play is like you win or lose on every play.
Like, that's how he treats it.

Speaker 63 That's kind of how, you know, we thought, like, any play can help win or lose you the game. You got to be locked in on your assignments.

Speaker 63 So I think everything you saw was like his genuine reaction of, you know, either frustration or he was excited for one of us making a play or he was, you know, just stressed out, making sure everybody was, you know, doing their job from coaches into players.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Just a little fun stat that you can maybe bring back to the locker room here.

Speaker 50 You probably don't know this.

Speaker 22 It's something that we had to dig up with the help of a friend at Stad Hole Sports.

Speaker 22 Carson Wentz, your new quarterback, people forget, by the way, he got two MVP votes. He's a good player.

Speaker 48 In exactly 73-degree weather, Carson Wentz is the number one quarterback of all time in yards per attempt.

Speaker 22 So you got to have something like, you got to check your weather app on Sundays. If it's 73 degrees outside, start Terry McLaurin on your fantasy team, number one.

Speaker 12 And just let him know.

Speaker 22 Be like, hey, this is your zone, Carson. Go off.
Yeah.

Speaker 63 We love playing the comfortable weather.

Speaker 63 We'll play any weather, but like when you see it sunny, like any, most receivers, I think, for the most part, maybe check the weather because like you see a rainy game, it's like, all right, I gotta, you know, I gotta change the way I maybe catch the ball or things like that.

Speaker 63 When you see sunny, it's like, oh, yeah, everything that we've been practicing all week is up.

Speaker 63 You know what I mean?

Speaker 63 Like, there's a chance we can run that because, you know, when the weather's good, everything feels great, but like, it just makes things sometimes a little harder when it's rainy, but you still got to execute.

Speaker 41 What about snow?

Speaker 36 Because we always think the snow helps offense, right?

Speaker 61 Because

Speaker 36 you know where you're going.

Speaker 48 The defender doesn't.

Speaker 63 I've never played in a snow game in four years. So I can't quite speak on that yet.
This may have been a little drizzle in

Speaker 63 Green Bay. Green Bay,

Speaker 63 Lambeau is cold. It was cold, cold.
And Buffalo, too, they got that wind. But I haven't played in a snow game.
So

Speaker 63 I can't quite speak.

Speaker 63 All right, you'll have to let us know when you get in your first snow that's kind of crazy to not it is to you know from indiana to play in the big 10 like never snow game huh never played in a snow game my my freshman year at ohio state i was red i was red shirted and they played minnesota in minnesota in like two two or three inches of snow during that whole game and i remember sitting in my dorm and i was red shirted so you don't travel when you red shirt i was like man those guys look cold while i'm sitting on the couch just watching

Speaker 12 so i was like that one

Speaker 36 You want to play?

Speaker 63 But I was like, that one? Yeah, you stand on the sideline. That's even

Speaker 63 worse off than the dudes who are playing.

Speaker 12 Yeah, that's a fact. Yeah.

Speaker 22 I have one last question for you.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 22 I don't know if you saw a couple years ago, I think they ran through Aaron Rodgers' list of every receiver he's ever thrown a touchdown pass to.

Speaker 22 I'm curious, for you in the NFL, can you name every quarterback on the Redskins, Commanders, or football team that you've caught a pass from?

Speaker 63 okay, I'm gonna do my best here. Let me say Cole McCoy,

Speaker 63 Case Keenum, yep,

Speaker 63 uh,

Speaker 63 um, Dwayne Haskins,

Speaker 63 uh, Carson Wentz.

Speaker 12 Does he count? Or yeah, we'll count him. Yeah,

Speaker 63 all right, Carson Wentz, uh, Logan Thomas against Dallas, yep.

Speaker 63 Um,

Speaker 63 let me think, Alex Smith, yep,

Speaker 63 uh,

Speaker 63 trying to think, Oh, Garrett Gilbert.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 53 Double jump. Jay Heineke.

Speaker 12 Yep. Yeah.

Speaker 22 You're missing one.

Speaker 22 You got the hard ones, though.

Speaker 22 You got Logan Thomas. I didn't think that you'd get that one.

Speaker 12 Garrett Gilbert.

Speaker 22 That was a weird game, huh?

Speaker 63 Yeah, that was crazy. He came in on Wednesday.
Yes. He came in on Wednesday.
It was like, he's the quarterback for this week. And we were like, all right.

Speaker 12 What happens?

Speaker 22 Like, how do you develop rapport with a guy over 24 hours?

Speaker 63 Man, like

Speaker 63 you, you just just hope that the preparation you put in during the week is going to work out. You know what I mean? I think that's a cool thing about football.

Speaker 63 Like at this level, you make it make sense. You know what I mean? Like, because you know, like, you can't come in and interview after this.
Yeah, I only had, you know,

Speaker 63 only had two hours to practice with this dude. Yeah, people take that into consideration, but it's still a win-loss business.
So

Speaker 63 you kind of got to go on with that mentality and you just hope the quarterback is on that same page. And Garrett was great.
Like, he was, he was talking through with me throughout that whole week.

Speaker 63 And,

Speaker 63 you know, we got to connect on the deep ball. So that was pretty cool.
Got to add him to the list.

Speaker 31 There's one more.

Speaker 12 Kyle Allen. Who was the last one? Kyle Allen.
Yeah. Kyle Allen.

Speaker 63 Caught a touchdown from him. My guy.
Yeah. He did against Dallas.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 63 Shout out to Kyle. Don't get mad if I didn't name it.

Speaker 61 All right. My last question.

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Speaker 35 Terry, this has been a lot of fun. We appreciate it.

Speaker 33 You're a recurring guest now, so you have to come on

Speaker 37 whenever we ask, you have to come on.

Speaker 46 You have to drop everything.

Speaker 52 But my last question was: $71 million is very cool.

Speaker 1 Was it kind of cooler, though, to be a 91 in Madden and a top 10 wide receiver?

Speaker 12 Because I'd imagine that's pretty fucking cool as well.

Speaker 63 Yeah, like, honestly, I always took the approach, like,

Speaker 63 because my rookie year, you know, you never knew what to expect. But now that I was in the top 10, like, I think that's pretty cool to not have to create yourself in the game.
And like,

Speaker 63 I think that's dope.

Speaker 63 I don't got to put all my accessories on there. I'm just there.
And, you know, they may be pretty decent. So

Speaker 63 it's cool to see like my homies, you know, we'll be playing and they'll use Washington against me and they'll be, you know, using me as my player. But I always said also, like,

Speaker 63 this is, this is my mentality. I'm like, well, even if Madden, you know, rated me bad, like, you just got to make sure you're good in real life.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 63 Like, make sure, no matter what, like, just make sure everything's straight in real life because it's a video video game.

Speaker 63 But, like, at the end of the day, I think any player, most players could say, growing up, you played Madden or you wanted to be on Madden and you wanted, you know, to be good.

Speaker 63 So, I think just to be ranked around some of the best receivers in the league is pretty cool.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 48 I have one last, last, last thing before you go. Yeah.

Speaker 22 New receiver, Jahan Dotson on the team.

Speaker 12 I love him.

Speaker 22 I think he's, he seems like an awesome, genuine dude. He carries the football around with him everywhere.

Speaker 22 Are you like, dude, you don't have to do that anymore? This isn't high school football you're not you're not being punished for fumbling does he actually really take it everywhere

Speaker 63 so when i first when i first met him out in california uh when we were uh throwing with carson right after i signed my contract he had the football with him so i was like okay that's true but i didn't say nothing you know what i mean i'm like that's you know that's interesting that's just his thing like i'm a big if that's your ritual if that's your routine do your routine like that's you but i haven't seen it since then like i haven't seen it in the building i haven't seen it in camp and things like that so i don't know if it's like you know, he hasn't had any issues dropping the ball.

Speaker 63 So whatever he's doing is working.

Speaker 12 Does he have better hands than you?

Speaker 22 If you were to say, like, who's got better hands?

Speaker 63 I think we have to see how he does in the game first. You know what I mean? But I think just naturally catching the ball, he definitely just has a natural

Speaker 63 ball skill ability. Like he makes some pretty easy catches.

Speaker 63 um that they look really easy and natural he has like you could tell he has a good feel of playing the receiver position as a rookie and how to catch the ball how to position himself to use late hands and some of the tactics that you don't really learn until you're a vet, you know what I mean, or you had a great mentor.

Speaker 63 So I'm interested to see what it's looking like when the games come through this year because

Speaker 63 I've definitely noticed you can be great in practice and you can come out and have a few drops in the game.

Speaker 63 But so far, he's been great, man. I think it's going to be really cool to see how he can help us this year with his ability to be able to play the inside receiver, outside receiver.

Speaker 63 It's going to be fun for him.

Speaker 46 Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 52 Well, thank you so much, Terry.

Speaker 35 We really appreciate your time.

Speaker 1 Best of luck this year.

Speaker 52 Congrats again on everything.

Speaker 33 And we will, you'll be back on. So we're going to have to, we'll call on you when you have a big game.

Speaker 12 Yeah. Like,

Speaker 22 when you guys make the Super Bowl this year, you have to come on part of my take for that Friday's episode when the Washington Commanders are playing the Super Bowl.

Speaker 63 We had to do that show live if that happens.

Speaker 12 Don't do it. Don't.
Okay. You drive a hard game in Terry.
Yes.

Speaker 12 For sure. All right.
For sure. Thanks so much, man.

Speaker 53 Appreciate you guys. Yeah.

Speaker 12 Thank you. Appreciate it.

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Speaker 32 Okay, let's wrap up.

Speaker 6 We've got Fire Fest of the week.

Speaker 61 Hank, start us off. I don't know where Billy went.

Speaker 53 So we kind of were talking about this earlier with one of your guys, Mount Rushmore picks, but I was on vacation last weekend.

Speaker 53 I came back on Monday. You guys know how it is after a long, hard-fought vacation.

Speaker 53 I was wearing a vacation. My body was beat up.
Yeah, so I came home from work in the late afternoon and fell asleep early, like probably around 9 o'clock, super, super early.

Speaker 53 So I woke up, ended up waking up at like 5 o'clock in the morning, went to the bathroom, brought my phone, do some reading. And I went on Twitter and was just, you know, I was half asleep, whatever.

Speaker 53 And I didn't, it was before Big Cat's coffee tweet which is when I knew it was like I'm I'm up

Speaker 53 way too early right now

Speaker 53 and I clicked my mentions and I had like literally eight straight mentions from porn bots that were saying you know the various things porn bots say like hell do you want to hang out do you like my pics can we chat blah blah blah blah so I thought it was funny I just literally quote tweeted with like two-word response be like yes sounds good i do want to talk like you are pretty uh as a joke playing into it knowing that some people would think i was actually being horny and some people would understand the joke as Twitter goes.

Speaker 53 But after I did it, I went back and I clicked the profiles of some of these tweets, and it was the most aggressive porn I've

Speaker 53 ever seen in my life. Like it was quadruple airtight situations going on.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 53 So I was like, I was like, I don't want to be slinging smut at six o'clock in the morning. Like, everyone's going to wake up and click these profiles and be like, what the fuck am I seeing?

Speaker 12 So I deleted it.

Speaker 53 And then people on the internet think they caught me like being horny and that I did it and for some reason got caught doing something and deleted it.

Speaker 53 So for like the last two days I've had people sending me the screenshots being like, why'd you delete this? What's going on? What the fuck? You're like bonk, bonk, bonk, whatever.

Speaker 22 So it's just like people.

Speaker 53 They didn't catch you. They did not catch you.

Speaker 48 You were doing it as a joke.

Speaker 27 As a joke.

Speaker 53 Horny as a joke. People, yeah, people thought I was being horny for real.
And then I got caught being horny. And I'm like trying to hide something.

Speaker 12 And now you're here coming to it.

Speaker 17 Yeah, to be like, follow up.

Speaker 44 I was joking.

Speaker 53 I was, yeah, I deleted it for the people. Right.

Speaker 7 You had an ironic erection.

Speaker 22 Yes.

Speaker 53 No, it was like, it was like that. That was, it was like too much for an erection.
Yeah.

Speaker 12 Yeah. There is a point.

Speaker 22 There is a you were so horny that you already came.

Speaker 39 No, there's just like what he's saying is right.

Speaker 4 There's a line that that's crossed with porn where you're like, no.

Speaker 53 And when it's on Twitter, like, you know, obviously when you're watching, there's a lead up and you know, you kind of got to get into it.

Speaker 53 This was like, click the profile, and it was, it was just seven, seven, seven things going on.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 22 so there were a bunch of horny narcs out there that sent me screenshots of hank's tweets and so i i looked up these profiles and i clicked on one i was like holy fuck it was extreme even for the internet they always have the pinned tweet yeah that's what's just like right in your face they let you know so i thought i was you know it was funny but i you know for the people i didn't want to have people wake up with that that imagery in their head on okay good for you hank yeah pft your firefest uh my firefest also involves twitter so i um i schedule tweets out.

Speaker 22 They come out every time we release a part of my take.

Speaker 12 It comes out at 8 a.m.

Speaker 22 on the day that it comes out.

Speaker 22 And apparently last week when we did the Nathaniel Hackett interview, I scheduled my tweet because the way that it automatically populates when you hit select date is a week from that day.

Speaker 22 And so this morning, I guess Thursday morning, so yesterday morning, if you're listening to this podcast, I tweeted out

Speaker 22 this is part of my take with Nathaniel Hackett, head coach of the Denver Broncos. And then everybody was like, are you on drugs right now?

Speaker 22 And I was not on drugs. The drugs had completely left my system from last night.
So I was not high.

Speaker 22 But then I just started following up to that tweet and just like acting like the interview came out again today. So I'm like, you know what? Let's just get more downloaded.

Speaker 22 I'm posting videos on it right now.

Speaker 22 But people thought that I was wasted, that my brain was fried from mushrooms. Both not the case.
It was a scheduled tweet snafu. I have about one of these per year.

Speaker 22 I think the last one, I accidentally scheduled like 8 p.m. when it came out.
And I was like, like, good morning. Here's a brand new part of my take.
So, yeah. Okay, that was a little time traveling.

Speaker 22 I'm sorry. It's the internet that screwed me up, not my own brain, but whatever.

Speaker 12 It was a good interview. Happened to the best of us.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 54 Okay, my Fire Fest is.

Speaker 53 Promo too hard.

Speaker 31 Yeah. Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 54 My son had an eye infection.

Speaker 27 I had to do eye drops for a three-year-old.

Speaker 10 And I guess it's a reverse Fire Fest where I now think I can accomplish anything in the entire world because

Speaker 7 for anyone out there who's had to do that, it is the hardest thing you've ever done in your entire life.

Speaker 53 Clockwork orange status. It was, yeah.

Speaker 10 There was a moment where I was like, this, this seems cruel because I'm like peeling his eyes open.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 4 But yeah, it's,

Speaker 15 it was one of those parenting moments where it's like, once you, I felt like KG, like impossible is nothing.

Speaker 12 Like, I, I can do anything. Anything is possible.

Speaker 32 Everything is. What is it? Anything is possible.

Speaker 53 I think the story is that he was trying to say impossible is nothing, but he, he was just so caught up with it. He didn't anything.

Speaker 27 Anything is possible?

Speaker 20 Okay, so I'm impossible is nothing.

Speaker 32 And impossible is truly nothing at this point in my life.

Speaker 40 So I feel good about it.

Speaker 12 All right, Billy.

Speaker 22 Just eyes in general are weird. Like, even if it's my own eye, I got a weird thing about like touching eyes, touching my eye, other people's eyes.
That's uh, that's elite-level parenting.

Speaker 6 It was funny, though, because he had he had like a little eye infection, and I woke him up.

Speaker 2 I think it was like maybe Monday or Tuesday morning, and he was just like, My eye is broken.

Speaker 15 And I was like, That's not exactly what's going on, but yeah, you get the vibe.

Speaker 22 Is it like Bob Costas? No, it's

Speaker 22 giving Bob Costas.

Speaker 9 He just had like the gunk, so no, no pink eye.

Speaker 22 Uh, Billy, Larry Seven is dead,

Speaker 49 We didn't even know him.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Billy, you killed him?

Speaker 22 No. Killed a small.

Speaker 12 Sounds like you killed him.

Speaker 58 No.

Speaker 30 I was moving his tank.

Speaker 12 Who was responsible for him?

Speaker 57 Well, there was. Mackenzie was taking care of him because he was on her desk.

Speaker 53 Who delegated that?

Speaker 48 Me.

Speaker 22 Why'd you do that?

Speaker 57 Because I didn't have a desk at that time, so we couldn't put it on my desk.

Speaker 22 So then I was moving. How long have you had a desk at this office?

Speaker 27 Since

Speaker 30 eight. About a year.

Speaker 22 Say probably about a year.

Speaker 37 You killed our goldfish.

Speaker 12 Yep.

Speaker 22 It's dead.

Speaker 48 Okay. It's going in the dark.

Speaker 4 R.I.P., you dead bitch.

Speaker 37 R.I.P. Yeah,

Speaker 37 I can't grieve.

Speaker 49 I didn't know we had Larry 7.

Speaker 22 I knew that we had him, but he was going in the dark. Honestly, he didn't perform that well.

Speaker 17 Yeah, so, okay.

Speaker 4 Maybe we'll get a new Larry for football season.

Speaker 45 Perfect.

Speaker 13 Not Billy, look after him.

Speaker 57 Well, I will take care of him.

Speaker 37 The tank's on my desk. So, R.I.P.

Speaker 4 Larry 8 as well.

Speaker 22 Yeah. How many animals, how many pets have you had that have died?

Speaker 12 Five.

Speaker 22 That's in the last year. That's a lot for how old you are.

Speaker 57 Yeah, but like some of them are short-lived.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Like the frog you fucked down.

Speaker 42 All right, Jake, finish us off.

Speaker 22 Wait, are we counting the chickens that all got killed by the hawk?

Speaker 22 Yeah, so it's more like, what, 12 now?

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 13 Yeah. Racking up numbers.

Speaker 22 All right, Jake, finish us off.

Speaker 28 I was riding my bike on the way to the office today and a giant bee hit me in the face.

Speaker 12 A bee?

Speaker 28 Yeah, it didn't bite me, but it was.

Speaker 28 I could have definitely fell.

Speaker 48 Bees don't bite, it could have been. They sting.

Speaker 6 I saw a bee once, could have been me.

Speaker 18 Yep, that's crazy. The whole shit.

Speaker 12 It's like the speed.

Speaker 28 Like, I was going pretty fast. It was an e-bike.

Speaker 12 And the bee. You got in a car crash with a bee.

Speaker 33 You jake got in a car crash with a bee.

Speaker 12 Wait, so on a bike. You killed the bee.

Speaker 58 No, I don't think so.

Speaker 22 Did you check on it? Did you? Did you?

Speaker 12 I was moving too quick.

Speaker 53 Make an audible noise.

Speaker 41 I was like, whoa, did you, how do you know it was a bee?

Speaker 28 I could see the yellow and black.

Speaker 12 Got it. Wow.
Great eyesight. Damn.

Speaker 16 That's pretty fucking sick.

Speaker 28 Yeah, so I'm okay. I'm here to tell the story.

Speaker 14 Jake's glasses were just the windshield wipe.

Speaker 22 No, I mean, that's.

Speaker 12 Yeah, it may have saved my life.

Speaker 22 That's the most deadly encounter that you can have, a single hornet.

Speaker 12 Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 32 Right? There we go. High-speed crash.

Speaker 12 All right, numbers.

Speaker 22 6'9.

Speaker 22 27.

Speaker 12 Hank? 27.

Speaker 5 You still haven't gotten it.

Speaker 53 I have not. 56.

Speaker 45 52.

Speaker 27 By the way, I do have the most wins.

Speaker 51 56.

Speaker 57 56. I do have the most wins because I won on 21 once.

Speaker 17 You suspect.

Speaker 57 I remember I came back from Vegas. I said 21 and I won.

Speaker 15 I don't, but I'll believe you.

Speaker 15 So Billy is the champion right now.

Speaker 12 45.

Speaker 22 Billy's favorite number.

Speaker 29 How many times?

Speaker 38 Five.

Speaker 12 All right.

Speaker 24 See everyone on Monday.

Speaker 22 Love you guys.

Speaker 57 Tasmanian devils have four nipples, but they can have 30 children, but only four get to to live, and it has to be the strongest.

Speaker 61 Buyrnr.com, buyrnr.com.

Speaker 60 I've been coming for your love of the grave.

Speaker 26 Needless to say,

Speaker 26 I won't sit in some

Speaker 26 beef. Stole it away.

Speaker 60 Still learning that life is okay.

Speaker 60 Say after me

Speaker 26 At least for better to be safe and so we say after me

Speaker 26 At least for better to be safe and so we

Speaker 26 dream of

Speaker 26 Things that you say,

Speaker 26 oh, just to play that worries away.

Speaker 26 You are the things I've got to remember.

Speaker 26 When you shine away,

Speaker 26 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 26 When you're shy and away,

Speaker 26 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 26 Take only

Speaker 26 I'll make

Speaker 26 you

Speaker 26 hold

Speaker 26 on me.

Speaker 26 Take on me. I'll make

Speaker 26 you

Speaker 26 drink only

Speaker 26 me