Commanders WR Terry McLaurin, Patrick Reed’s Lawsuit, The Big Ten On CBS + Mt Rushmore Of Precrime

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, Washington Commander Terry McLaurin. We have the Mount Rushmore of pre-crime.
We catch up on a bunch of stuff going on in the sports world, Fire Fest of the and patrick reed's lawsuit against our good friend brandley chambliss so great show sending you into the weekend we're only a couple weeks away from football and we're brought to you by our friend there's making a sandwich and then there's crafting a sandwich and when i want something perfectly crafted i go straight to boar's head for over a, Boar's Head has been dedicated to crafting premium deli favorites. Every ingredient is carefully chosen, every recipe made with a purpose.
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Boys!

Boys! No place to hang out or washin' And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Welcome to Part of my take presented by Game Time, the best place to get tickets. Football is back.
Game Time is back. Today is Friday, August 19th.
It's November in West Lafayette. A beautiful gray sky coupled with a balmy high of 47 degrees.
This is where championships are won and lost. Two Titans prepare to clash in a 60-minute battle of field position.
5-3 Purdue welcomes 3-5 UCLA. It's Big Ten football on CBS, presented by Home Depot.
We got the song, baby. That's bullshit.
That song belongs to the SEC. That's bullshit.
I do not recognize this song. I don't recognize it.
Nope. It wasn't SEC for a very long time.
But it is. Purdue and Rutgers.
Iowa, Northwestern. Wisconsin, Minnesota.
I'm taking a knee when this song comes out. This is not my anthem for the Big Ten.
It's another punt. Absolutely not.
It's a fumble. Nope.
Oh, they got it back, but they're going to have to punt. I need to see LSU.
I need to see Florida. I need to see Georgia, Alabama, even Vanderbilt.
Oh, baby. This song screams Vanderbilt.
I'm so excited for this song. It's official.
The Big Ten has captured the greatest sports song going right now. The song doesn't hit the same without Vern.
Yeah, no, that's true. But guess what? You can't yuck my yum, PFT.
I'm so excited about this song. The rights have been official.
Here's a fun thing. You would hate it if it went to any other conference.
Oh, yeah, of course. But it's mine now, baby.
It's mine now. And we're going to get to see Rutgers vs.
USC. And we're going to get that song.
And we're going to get that song. So the rights have been finalized.
The Big Ten has a – they basically have a buffet of sponsorship or television rights. It's going to start with Fox.
Then it's going to go to CBS 330 game. Then it's going to have the NBC game late at night.
And here's what we really need, though. What came out of all these meetings.
Fox is going to run a television draft every spring on what games each company gets, which why wouldn't you televise that? How great is that draft going to be? What's the purpose of doing a draft if you're not going to televise it? But then you have to draft to see who gets to televise the draft. I want to have a Mel Kiper who's breaking down what games you should go after.
I want to have draft grades immediately afterwards. I want to see who's going to bust.
I want to go back after the season's over and say, okay, this person did a bad job. They should be fired.
No, Penn State wasn't that good. So the Ohio State-Penn State game that you picked 1-1 wasn't a great pick.
Yeah, exactly. We need to make an entire ecosystem around TV rights and analyzing how they do picking them up, which games got the best ratings.
Yep. So we can look back, and then we can do an entire BCS of networks at the end of the year this is and do a playoff this is it right we this is we're giving you free ideas big 10 but yeah that was um that was announced like an hour ago and i'm just so excited uh we also have the announcement or it hasn't been announced but we think it's going to get announced sean watson it's been announced it's been announced so what ruling? 11 games.
11 game suspension, which translates to roughly like .7 games per woman he's assaulted. Right.
And then I think on top of that. I think the number is like 70 or 60.
It's gone up. Well, it was like 60, but then it was, you know, they paid off a bunch.
Whatever. The punishment, it should fit the crime.
He should have to jack off Swagger the dog before every game. Well, it's also, this is 11 games now.
We get to go back to the conversation we had where people are going to be like, oh, okay, so 8 to 11, now it's enough. Yeah.
What? They just raised it. And so, obviously, anytime the NFL announces a suspension, my first instinct is, okay, what's Goodell's angle behind this? Why is it 11 games? That's a weird number, right? So you look at the schedule.
That game that he'd be coming back would be against the Houston Texans. So they have to talk about it all the time throughout the entire game in Houston.
The homecoming. Who Houston was implicated in aiding and abetting some of these things as well.
Yeah. Now, also, the second thing I thought, Big Cat, was, wow, that's kind of weird 11 games.
Okay. So, yeah, he's coming back against Houston.
Wait, when does flex scheduling start in the NFL? Yeah, just so happens starts right on week 11. I don't know if they'd flex this.
That would be too transparent, maybe. Because the Texans aren't going to be good.
The Browns might not be good without Deshaun Watson. so if they flex this it would be quite a move yeah so as long as deshaun watson yeah i think he just promised he's like roger i i swear to god i won't sexually assault two dozen women ever again in the history of my life swear i'm done pinky promise put a stamp on it week 13 sunday footballs colt sack cowboys i feel like that those are two teams that you don't know how good they'll be.
Yeah, that's true. Jake burying the Cowboys already.
I love it. Or is he burying the Colts? Or the Colts.
He might be burying the Colts. You don't know.
Matty Ice. Matt Ryan.
I'm just saying, if it was like Chiefs Packers, there was no shot. That would be a chance.
You know what we need to do, by the way? They're not going to take the Dallas Cowboys out. That's true.
The Matt Ryan on the Colts thing. next week, maybe on Sunday night, we should just do a big roundtable of fun facts, this guy's on this team.
Yeah, we do need to do that. For everyone, for all the listeners, for ourselves, where we just go through all the rosters and we're like, fun fact, Julio Jones is on the Bucs.
Yeah, remember, Marquise Goodwin, I think he's on the Seahawks. Yeah, so we'll do that.
Isn't that what we learned? Yeah, we will do that. Everyone come with a couple fun facts.
Bobby Wagner, Seahawks. We'll try to wow each other.
Seahawk now on the who? Yeah, we'll wow each other with some fun facts. Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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So yeah, the Sean Watson news came down. There's not a bunch else going on right now.
We're in that waiting pattern. We got a good Mount Rushmore coming up.
The only other things I wrote down, there was two White Sox stories that I wanted to mention real quick. Get your guys' take on.
The first, I don't know if you guys saw this, but the fan at the White Sox game that basically was coaching the team, and Tony La Russa denied it. But if you missed the video, a fan was basically in the first row right behind the on-deck circle, and he was screaming to Tony La Russa, put in Adam Engel as a pinch runner.
And it was maybe two seconds later that Tony La Russa came out and put in Adam Engel as a pinch runner. So Tony La Russa is just doing fan-controlled now.
I like that. Yeah.
Good idea. Pay attention.
They pay your salary. They buy your drinks, Tony.
Yes. Yes.
And then the other one was, did you guys see the kid, the 11 year old kid that ran on the field? At the White Sox game last night. Were you watching this game? Well, no, I saw it.
I saw it pop up and I was like, holy shit. Why do more kids not do this? Yeah.
Because they get in trouble. Right.
Why do more kids. Security can't tackle you.
I know. They literally just like kindly.
Yeah, they held his hand and walked him off. And I was like, this kid is a fucking genius.
Yeah. If you're under, let's say 14, I would say.
14 is about the age where I don't think a security guard would tackle you. Why wouldn't you just run on the field and then then you get a slap on the wrist, and they probably tell your parents, don't ever do that again.
Well, no, so what happens is, if you're a kid, you run into the field, your dad gets to then run on the field to bring you back. You're like, sorry, sorry, everyone.
I'm going to grab my kid, and while he's out there, he gets to say hi to all his heroes. Was that a White Sox game, or was it a Royals game like 15 ago? It was a White Sox against the Royals.
Against the Royals where a father and son went on the field and just beat the fuck out of the first base coach. It was White Sox saving his dad.
Yeah. That was...
It actually wasn't. I say that every time it comes up.
That was a crazy, crazy... Yeah, shirtless just going to beat the fuck out of the first base coach.
Honestly, though, like a... A great bonding moment, though, if you get into a fight with your dad and beat somebody up.
You're like, do you see what I did? And then it also was a great – the opposite of it was great because it's very rare in life that a bunch of dudes get a chance to beat the fuck out of someone else and be completely absolved from any guilt. Do you know what I mean? Like that was the rare case where both teams can be like, we can beat the fuck out of these two guys and no one can say anything to us.
Yeah. It's like if you happen upon someone who's like committing a crime and they get tackled, like get a free shot, a couple of free shots in it.
But yeah, they could go over there, stomp them out like Ty Cobb. Right.
And everyone's like, good. Yeah, they deserved it.
It's uh one of those spring break videos where like a guy like you know hits a girl and then everyone just fucking swarms the guy it's like you get free reign on this guy yeah i would like to be a part of a situation like that yeah i think i feel like i'd be a good person who would like just stomp on the guy's arm and be like okay guys we don't want to actually hurt him yeah like okay. A guilt-free beating.
No head, nobody. Yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, those are the two stories that I saw. And then, wait, what did you say, Jake? What was that? Do you think he gets banned? Oh, the 11-year-old? Yeah.
I don't think so. Or, like, his family, his parents? Once he hits puberty, he'll look completely different.
Yeah, he gets a stern talking to. That's what I'm saying.
It's the perfect crime. Like, more, I don't want to tell all of our 10-year-old listeners to do illegal activities, but you should be running on every field.
Yeah. Every field.
Start smoking weed now. And start wearing a Pardon My Take shirt.
Free Pardon My Take shirt to any 10-year-olds that run on a baseball field. I like that.
No, I'll match. Can you imagine this weekend? It's like three different ball bars.
I would be the funniest crime spree in America. Like a bunch of 10-year-olds just interrupting baseball games.
I think baseball is a sport that you could get away with it more at. Because they're not kids in baseball.
They're youngsters. Right.
And announcers fucking love youngsters. And they're trying to grow the game.
Going to a ball game with their dads. This weekend's a little league classic.
That's the best. It's like an entire team runs on the field for that game.
Well, no, I think that's organized. That's like a January 6th moment if you have a whole group of people storming the field.
Yes. The Red Sox and Orioles.
I'm down to do that. I'm down to fund that.
Yeah. A January 6th of 10-year-olds.
Lone Wolf. Lone Wolf's own.
You got pre-crime on your mind. Yeah, we do.
We're doing the Mount Rushmore pre-crime. All right, so the only other baseball story I had was Shohei Otani.
I know we've brought it up before, but it just happened again. It keeps happening to him.
The classic tweet that we read from this guy, maybe the best tweet ever from Mattomic, who he said, every time I see an Angels highlight, it's like Mike Trout hit three home runs and raised his average to 528, while Shohei Otani did something that hasn't been done since tungsten arm O'Doyle of the 1921 Akron groomsman as the Tigers defeated the Angels 8-3. So yesterday, that was a tweet, a joke tweet.
Yesterday, they tweeted out Shohei Ohtani with a two-run homer, and he's four for five with a homer and a triple and four RBIs today. Angels down 11-7.
Yeah, this is the new Nick Castellanos. Yes.

It's the new meme that, like in baseball,

anytime Shohei Ohtani

does something remotely

remarkable, that tweet's going to go

reviraling. I actually think that should

be nominated. We should make a sports

tweet Hall of Fame. Yeah.
And I think that

that's on the fast track to get there.

That right now is like Juan Soto's career.

That projects to be a Ted Williams

Hall of Fame tweet. Correct.
That tweet will get

brought up as long as Shohei's

Thank you. That's on the fast track to get there.
That right now is like Juan Soto's career. That projects to be a Ted Williams Hall of Fame tweet.
Correct. That tweet will get brought up as long as Joe Hayes on the Angels because he went in this series against the Mariners.
He went six innings, two earned runs, eight strikeouts, and then went eight for 13 batting, and the Angels got swept. Yeah.
So it's just perfect. I think that tweet, the, um, the overtime hockey one by John Boyce and the, the fucking a man tweet.
I think those right now are the three, maybe first ballot. And Kevin Durant's there's no relaxed champ.
Yeah. Yeah.
You log off. Yeah.
You know, you log off. Yeah.
It's just a log off battle. Yeah.
Um, so PFT, we have, well, there's one more thing. Oh, okay.
Happened. Yeah.
Yeah. Vogelbach.
Yes. Just got a double and it's just always a treat to watch him run.
He's the best. When I see him run, I sing to myself.
You remember that big boy grilling on the roof? Big boy grilling on the roof. Yeah.
That's what I hear in my brain as he's rounding first base. Just incredible.
He's got a body that's bigger than most fullbacks. Yes.
Maybe like an offensive guard that plays college football. He's unapologetically fat.
He's big. Because he's a professional athlete.
He's just a big boy. Yeah.
Grills on the roof. Yeah.
And he also will be – so I dipped into Mets Twitter last night because I bet on the Mets, and they are just – they're just a tortured brains left and right because it's actually kind of similar to when the Cubs got good where it's like Mets fans know the Mets are good, but they're still the Mets. So they always are like, we're still the Mets, but we are good.
So it's this tortured back and forth where they can trust the fact that they have good players, but also be like, we're the Mets and we'll always Mets. um it was very funny because like that that team vogelbach has just the perfect doing something huge in late october moment oh yeah he's written for i i can already see it like it maybe even early october maybe he goes nuts in in a wild card game or they're probably not the wild card game but maybe he goes nuts in the first round of the playoffs and then then all the casuals come out, unlike us, who are through seam heads.
You're like, who's this guy? He's a hero in waiting. Everyone knows that he will have – Buy stock.
Buy stock in Vogelbeck right now. He will have a big moment, and everyone who hasn't been watching baseball will be like, who's this fat guy? This is incredible.
And I'm ready for it. Because if you're a Mets fan and you obviously have hopes of winning the World Series this year, they're that good.
The best sign of you guys winning the World Series is that you have Vogel back on your team because you need one of those guys. He's just built for October.
That's a Halloween body. You just need one of those goofy guys who's going to do something fucking huge.
Also, he's I guarantee you he's going to be an amazing presence to have during a World Series parade. Yeah, he's going to drink all the beers.
He's going to take the fattest shit in the White House. He's going to be just funneling beers going down the Avenue of America.
He's probably going to have an ice sluge in the clubhouse after they win every series. He's probably going to be doing Irish car bombs, like heavy cream shots.
He's the best. When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item no matter its age.
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Yeah. The best.
All right, so we also have Patrick Reed's lawsuit before we get to our Mount Rushmore PFT. I have not read this because you said you wanted to wow us.
Yeah. So wow us.
Friday reading spelled R-E-E-D. Patrick Reed's lawsuit against everybody, really.
He's suing the PGA Tour. He's suing Brandel Chambliss.
Yep. Bristly.
Brandy Chambly. And his lawsuit is laugh out loud funny because he's been enduring abuse and uh people have been saying that you uh that you support a tyrannical murderous leader but in his lawsuit he said this would be akin to stating that lebron james has aligned himself with a tyrannical murderous leaders right off the off the bat, he's comparing himself to LeBron James.

So he just hired a Twitter reply guy for his lawyer. Yes, to be like, what about China?

What about the NBA?

But okay, this is the funniest part. So he has

to specify the personal attacks that he's

suffered in this lawsuit. Can I say one thing?

I wish that the lawyer had gone more Twitter

reply guy and been like,

it's akin to LeBron James,

who is also known as LeFraud James, 0-10 in finals. Yeah, it's akin to lebron james who is la fraud also known as la fraud james oh and ten in finals it's yeah it's equivalent to la china and uh mr le bubble james but this is the funniest part of the lawsuit because he has to list specific examples of abuse that he's endured from the fans at the direction of brandle chambly this won't backfire so uh these induced personal attacks include but are not limited to now on the t the excavator because he cheats he digs out of the ground okay you suck you fucking suck you jackass you coward shovel why don't you dig a grave and bury yourself in it you piece of shit no one likes you everyone hates you read good luck digging yourself out of this one where are your parents coward you cheater that one hurts everyone hates you cheater you're going to miss this you cheater you cheat in college and on tour and you're a piece of shit that's a lot that's a mouthful at the t-box beat the cheater's ass sorry web for having to play with the cheat who did you piss off why don't you introduce your children to their grandparents you ungrateful bitch oh nice i like that guy this is just a sampling of what defendants maliciously and intentionally cause and furthered with actual malice.
These personal attacks occur frequently while Mr. Reed is actively preparing to make his golf shot or during the golf shot, much less thereafter, as he is walking to his next golf shot, as well as lining up putts and making putts on the green, which putts require a high degree of concentration.
Oh, that's so good. I love that he's kept meticulous notes.
Yeah. I know his i know his wife his wife has yeah his wife has been standing behind him the whole time just writing all these insults down you cheating college on tour and you're a piece of shit that just rolls right off the tongue i i did i did see one other piece of it um and his i i want to meet his lawyer because his lawyer it sounds like he's on true social a lot with the insults he threw in this lawsuit.
He also wrote, in this regard, Defendant Chambly, a former professional golfer who fell far short of ever rising to the accomplished level of Mr. Reed and current analyst for Golf Channel.
So just a reminder, Chambly sucks at golf Patrick Greed doesn't. That's so awesome.
I kind of wish that it had some language in the lawsuit of the hole-in-one press release. Do you remember that one? Yeah.
Where he was like, what did he say? It was a strong wind. Yeah, it was a strong wind.
Reed made a hole-in-one. It took place on the seventh hole, which is playing 181 yards into a slight wind.
He had a five iron, which sailed magnificently into a rather strong wind with approximately five feet of cut, whereupon it bounced twice. I'm a very, Reed is a very modest individual and you will have to say that he was bragging and he doesn't like people who brag.
That's pretty much what his lawyer, I really want to meet this lawyer. He's the best lawyer ever.
I actually love sle love sleazeball attorneys yeah i think there's some of the most interesting characters in the world as long as they admit that they're a sleazeball they're so funny yeah exactly like florio yeah mr portnoy yep the best jay billis the best sleazeball yes yes the best the ambulance chasers um fucking hilarious like again i don't i don't think that's gonna have the intended effect for Patrick Reed. I feel like I didn't even know he was called the excavator, but that's what I'm calling him now.
Listen, I want to be very clear because we do have a platform much like Brandel Chamberlain has. So I don't want to get sued by Patrick Reed's wife.
I do. No, I do.
Whatever you do. I do because it would be great for the show if he got sued.
Whatever you do, Big Cat. Seriously, this is so that we can get it on the legal record.
Do not say now on the tee the excavator to Patrick Reed. Don't tell him he fucking sucks.
Don't say good luck digging yourself out of this one. Whatever you do, don't say you cheat in college, you cheat on the tour, and you're a piece of shit to Patrick Reed.
Do not say any of those things. But if you could figure out a way to make that into like a chant, that probably works.
Don't say it. Don't call him an ungrateful bitch.
You cheat in college and you cheat on tour. Don't call Patrick Reed an ungrateful bitch.
Whatever. You remember how we asked you guys not to call Bryson Brooks and you guys definitely didn't call him Brooks more after that that don't say all these things to patrick reed please don't oh my god what a guy i'm gonna miss him i kind of listen i love patrick reed in in a way that you would that one would love like a rascal dog that somebody else owned yeah and you laugh at it shitting on the carpet and chewing everything up if we had to deal with him him in any manner, we would hate him.
But from afar, he is so funny. And let's not forget, he's a big Imagine Dragons fan, too.
That's facts. That's facts.
And he didn't steal from his teammates in college. That's a fake story.
Yep. And he doesn't cheat.
He doesn't cheat. He's not a bitch.
And his wife isn't a psycho with a burner account on Twitter. Nope.
None of those things are true. We defend Patrick.
Captain America. We should actually add ourselves to the lawsuit against Branly.
I would be down. Yeah.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend. We're huge Patrick Reed fans and you've hurt us.
Yeah. Can we join the lawsuit? Can we just tack our name? Can this be a class action lawsuit from the damages that I've felt having Patrick Reed's ego damaged by Brandless Chamberlain? I'm sure I've been on Patrick Reed at some point in the last couple years so I could just find that bet slip and be like yeah these insults hurt my wager.
That's true. If we had a real scumbag attorney we could make one of those class action like it's best as commercials.
You have you lost a bet betting on Patrick Reed because his feelings were hurt because of very unfair coverage by Brandless Chimbley right well then you are entitled to damages on your behalf i'm in let's do it and we'll take 75 we got to get right this jake write that down for next time we have mr portnoy on to see if we can we can sue for that um okay anything else in the sports world anything else going on more preseason football games are back yeah the yankees are back walk off grand slam they've won their first game in like six weeks yeah well we've talked enough about him on this show yes um the oh i was gonna say uh the this weekend be careful of the preseason betting because everyone's just gonna bet the overs after when 13 three. Yeah.
I feel like this is going to be just, I'm, I'm going to sit out and be smart because I know that I'll just lose my money in September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May. But be careful.
So I did really well last week with the system of betting on the rookie head coaches and their very first games because they want to win those games. I think the move this weekend is to reverse that and bet against Moneyline every rookie coach that won their first preseason game because they got that win under the belt.
Now they're like, you know what? I just want to evaluate now. Now they're going to swing back in the other direction.
And bet on the Ravens. So that's my system.
And obviously bet on the Ravens. Yeah, 21 in a row or something like that it's it's insane it's insane they are they're the boys of summer the real boys of summer yeah um okay let's get to our mount rushmore all protein bars generally taste the same but not one bars one made protein bars are actually delicious with reese's and hershey's only one reese's peanut butter lovers protein bar is made with reese's peanut butter and only one Hershey's.
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Okay. Who won Mount Rushmore? Thank you to Coors Light, the best beer ever.
And Golden, Colorado, I miss you, Golden,. I miss Colorado.
I do, too. Great state.
Recap coming Sunday. Yeah, recap's coming Sunday.
Be ready for it. There's a lot of Coors Light being drank.
And any fake news that shows me missing any field goals is just classic CGI. Classic Hank Lockwood.
I'll wear it. It would be funny.
It would be funny if there were a ton of misses but there would be cgi well also for the record i just said i was going to make a 45 yarder and then you guys goaded me into trying a 50 yarder which i'm not equipped to do yeah i was really had to pull your teeth yeah you'll see yeah it would be that's a great preview um okay not allergic to making anyone look what I've realized. What are you going to say, Billy? Real quick.
I didn't Photoshop the fucking making you look fat. Two Mount Rushmores ago, Chili got its first win of the season.
Well, who finished second to Rosillo? I think we go with that. You guys.
Oh, crazy. But we won Monday.
We won a fucking second place trophy. Okay.
All right. So fine.
You know what, Chili? You guys go first. You guys go first, and you guys decide the order.
Perfect. We give them the first.
They're like, oh, I don't know. This is great power, great responsibility right here.
Yeah. We'll go last.
Hank, you go first. You guys go second.
Okay. So this is the Mount Rushmore of pre-crime.

Hank.

All right.

This one might cut deep to some AWLs, but it just... Uh-oh.

Opening bottles with your teeth.

Ooh.

Dude, that's cool.

I do that.

It is crazy.

It blows my mind.

Glass bottles are not supposed to...

Like, your teeth are your teeth.

Those are valuable items of your body.

You should not be opening bottles with them. That's a fact.
Your teeth are your teeth. It's concerning.
Okay. It's not for to, like your teeth are your teeth.
Those are valuable items of your body. You should not be opening bottles with them.

It's a fact.

Your teeth are your teeth.

It's concerning.

Okay, it's not for everybody, but if you know how to do it properly, it's pretty badass.

I would agree with Hank in the fact that there is a screw loose if you do it.

Yes.

Right, right.

Like some people, I have a friend that would do it, like, do you have a bottle?

I have a bottle opener, and he's like, no, let me do it with my teeth.

Yeah, okay, I agree with that.

And it's like, why?

Oftentimes you find yourself without a bottle opener, and then it's a great skill for me to have. But right.
My thing is the pre-crime is the people that do it willingly and for fun. It's cool to watch, but it's also pre-crime.
Like, if you're just going into your fridge, grabbing a beer, and opening it with your teeth, pre-crime. I agree with that.
Okay. I'm necessarily opening a beer bottle with your teeth.
I do this all the time. I know I'm on this team.
I literally do this all the time. I feel a little bad about it.
But it's cool, isn't it? I don't think this is a pre-crime. Pre-crime is like a little more creepier.
That's not like creepy. Well, I mean, embrace debate.
You can make your pick when it's time for your team to go. Yeah.

All right, our first pick. We're going to go with owning a snake as a pet.
Anyone who owns snakes, fucking pre-crime city. You're just waiting.
You're just waiting for the snake to just escape in your house and then kill you in your sleep. It's also an animal that will never love you.
Right. Why do you want to, you're basically having like, I don't know, a prisoner in your own house that wants to kill you at your sleep it's also an animal that will never love you right why do you want to you're basically having like i don't know a prisoner in your own house that wants to kill you at all times the biggest bonding moment you have with your pet is to feed it mice to eat that's so fucked up no another bonding moment that you have is when it's trying to kill you yeah and it's wrapping itself around you yeah slowly go ahead billy defend owning a snake there's, there's like, they're cuddling for body warmth because they're cold-blooded and you're warm-blooded.
I don't know if that's the truth. That's why they like to rest on.
If you own a snake, I just assume at some point you will commit a crime. I own a snake.
It's part of your DNA. You own a snake? I owned a corn snake.
And you've never committed a crime. You are definitely number one in this room for committing a crime.
What? That's actually a good question. How many crimes? I thought I was a cop.
Well, you're a crooked cop. That's what you are.
You are. Okay.
Owning a snake is definitely a pretty crime. It's bad.
Yeah. I don't trust people who own snakes.
Can't be around them. Fucked up.
And I'm sure there'll be some snake people who reply, and guess what? Your replies go on deaf ears. Well, you know what's crazy is that everybody has visited like one apartment of somebody that has a snake.
Yeah. And just one time, and you never go back.
Yes. I would appreciate people that tweet me pictures of their cold-blooded pets.
I appreciate them. Tweet them at me.
Okay. I mean, we're not indicting frogs here.

Even just like what, you know, when people say that's cold-blooded, they say it for a

reason.

Yes.

Well, there's been a lot of anti-reptile slander.

Dates back to the Bible.

It's kind of mean.

Why?

Oh, why?

Why?

Is it slander or is it because they're bad?

It's facts.

I just think we shouldn't be judging. We'd still be living in the Garden of Eden if it wasn't for that fucking snake.
No, that was that bitch Eve. Yeah.
Well, she got corrupted by the snake. Okay.
Your guy's first pick. Killing small animals.
Okay. Yeah.
That's a crime. By textbook definition, that is a crime.
That's a crime. I was thinking about that, too.
But that, like, arson. Like, if you light a fire as a kid.
Yes, that's also a crime. You can like kill, you're allowed to like kill mice and rabbits and stuff like that's totally legal.
Can you, are you allowed to kill a mammal for fun? Yeah, you've killed mice, but like take pleasure in it. I know I said a mouse trap.
Yeah, I didn't kill it. The trap killed it.
But you're allowed to kill mice. That's legal.
With your bare hands? But you're saying it's pre-crime but a rabbit that's pre-crime this is like so is it sitting is setting up a mouse trap pre-crime no but that's killing small animals right but you guys what kind of give us a list of the animals small animals or an example say chipmunks mice rabbits you want to say dogs no because that's illegal okay that's legal i don't know if it is frogs when scientists are criminals okay all right yeah i mean no that that no it's a good pre-crime because it's literally that's that's the only point that's how serial we're not arguing that it's not a pre-crime move. It just also might be a crime crime.
It's actually an interesting thing to think about. What are you allowed to kill with your bare hands, and when does it become a crime? Mm-hmm.
Because I think you're right. You probably are allowed to kill a mouse.
But you're probably not allowed to shoot a rabbit with a baby. The pre-crime is cats.
Don't fuck with cats. Have you watched The Sopranos? Yeah, but in like a, I guess it depends on where you are.
Go cook it up in a nice ragu. It just depends on the legality of the BB gun.
Okay. Yeah, all right.
That's a good pick then because it is fucked up to kill small animals when you're a small person. Not fucked up to run on a field.
This is one I wish Jake could do all four picks because I think he doesn't even understand pre-crime.

Right. And like getting in the mind of a criminal.
Right. So how is he going to understand what goes in before? Not returning your library books.
All right. Cheering in the press box.
Our second pick is going to be parents who put their kids on leashes. Oh, yeah.
That's a good pick. So you think parents or do you think the kids that are on? I think it's going either way.
Like if you're a kid that gets carried around on a leash your entire life, you're probably going to fuck some stuff up. It's just an interesting visual.
It is. I understand if you're in crowds, you don't want them running off, but just like, I don't know.
I don't. Yeah.
A leash on a kid is fucked up. I think maybe the only exception is if you have like seven kids.
Yeah. And they're all, I don't know, four or five years old.

But then you can do the, I think there's a difference.

Putting them on an actual leash is a pre-crime.

Doing the rope hold is fine.

Yeah.

You know, like you see the kids. If you have a rope and everybody holds them.

Yeah, like in elementary school, they're walking around the block and everyone's holding on

the rope.

Also, just on leash talk, putting a cat on a leash is also a fucked up move.

I've seen that a couple of times. That's a weird one.
Putting anything on your cat, really. Yeah.
Clothes. Anything.
Mittens. Okay.
That could be cute. Clothes on animals is cute.
Why don't you prove it? On a cat? Yeah. Why don't you get a cat, then? Maybe I will.
Okay. Our second pick, I can't believe this one lasted this long, actually, for pre-crime is being born in northern Austria on April 20th, 1889.
Big time pre-crime. Pre-crime.
Actually, just pre-death penalty. Just kill that baby.
Hank, you got it? You found him? Would you kill that baby? It's nature versus nurture. Oh, you would become that baby's mom.
Yeah. You would hug that baby.
If I had been your mom, World War II would have never started. There was a lot of people born in that time period that were fine.
Yeah, you're doing the like there was a lot of good Nazis too. Yeah, not all Germans.
Well, Austrians. He went to Germany shortly thereafter.
But I'm saying there was probably a lot of people born on April 20th that day that did not turn out to be. That's collateral damage.
Let's just say in terms of like ROI. The percentage is probably more of.
Yeah, there's probably more per square capita of criminals in different places than that place. But ROI on that date in that place is very bad.
Right. That's true.
Yeah. Yeah.
If we're just doing the math here, if this is the trolley problem. Maybe.
You got to bomb that hospital. Maybe someone had like 10 kids, but that's not going to happen.
The H-Man kind of outweighs all of the people born that day. Wait, Billy's about to do something incredibly smart.
What were you saying? No, come on. Now you have to say it.
We're on a show. You had the shit eating bread.
You have to say it. He commanded crimes.
No, Billy. No, no.
Okay, you don't have to say it. You don't have to say it.
Okay. No, I didn't think it was going to be that bad either.
That was really bad. Okay, Hank.
Coaching a youth women's basketball team without having a daughter on the team. Good one.
I think that goes for any gender, too. Yeah.
Yeah. Without.
Yeah, like even. What's even crazier? there's like there's like you know players that used to play that are like you know come back to start or whatever but if so what's the worst if you're the head coach of a yeah of a you know any any really 18 or under girl like women's team and you're not you have no relation to yeah like team like that i think that's crazy you could do it as like a high school basketball high school high school is fine high school and jv is fine but like doing like if you're the little league coach you don't have a kid on the team that's fucked unless you're a former professional athlete and you're coaching that can be kind of cool yeah just like trying to get all your aggression out i mean it's not cool but it's still like as creepy, but you, you would have had to have had, I think I can give even a little bit of a pass.
If you had a kid on the team and like, you know, say little league, for example, your kids now 14, but you kept on like that. I might be like, okay, I guess you're just hanging on, but to have like no relation to the team pre crime.
Yeah. I'm going to say that if you're a youth women's gymnastics

coach and you don't have

a daughter, you should automatically

go to jail. 100%.

You know how fucked up you have to be to be a gymnastics

coach in general? Yep.

Or dance coach? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.
Billy, you got

another profound thought?

After you just tried to absolve Hitler of all his wrongdoings?

Don't say that. That's not what I was saying.
Larry Nassar was not that bad of a guy. Okay, here we go.
Hank, your next one. Opening an offshore banking account.
That is a crime. No, it's not a crime.
Definitely not a crime. But it's something you do before a crime.
Not necessarily. We're after a crime.
Okay, so it is- Hank is right. Why would you open an offshore bank account, Big Cat? Hank is right.
Why would you open an offshore bank account? Hank is right, but it's kind of a cool pre-crime because it means you're just going to have a lot of money. No, I do not.
Does anybody just reopen an offshore bank account? I used to, way back in the day when gambling wasn't legalized, I used to have to go to Western Union to send my paycheck to offshore accounts. Ka-ching! Thank you.
That sounds like crime. That sounds exactly like crime.
It sounds like you needed to open the account so you could commit to crime. No, I didn't have an account.
I would have to send the money. You guys are now talking about busting people for tax evasion.
I mean, that's right. I'm not talking about busting people.
He's right. Max is one of those 87,000 IRS agents that just got hired.
Again, Big Cat literally proved the point. Gambling point gambling was illegal he wanted to gamble which was at the time a crime so he had to open an offshore bank account before he could commit i didn't open the there wasn't an account i had to send it to an account right but right if you're if you're opening account then you got that's big look and it's like you're trying to avoid taxes you're trying to wash money i'm gonna agree with hank like if if one of us walked in and was like, hey, just open up a new Swiss account, you'd be like, huh?

Yeah.

What are you doing with that? Right, right. No, that's fair.
I'm going to hide money, which is a crime. That's a good pick.
That's a good pick. Yeah, you know who else had a Swiss banking account, Hank? So thank you for feeding into mine.
All right. Next pick.
Good picks, guys. I'm saying there was a lot of people born that day.
Okay, so this one is we're going to do interacting with porn stars online, whether it be the comments section or buying them gifts off their Amazon gift list. Yeah.
Big time pre-crime. Yeah, there's a bunch of things that fall into this one.
The Amazon gift wish list thing is just bizarre. Retweeting porn stars online is fucking weird.
It's like, I want other people to see this porn too. Liking porn tweets is also very strange.
And then replying and be like, show feet, baby. Yeah.
That's all of the above. Like, you look really hot today.
Remember that red sweater guy from the debates? Ken Bone? Ken Bone. Well, no, he just was into pregnant porn.
Former takey presenter. Yes, former Takey presenter.
He was just into prego porn. The Amazon gift lists are just wild.
It's like, I'm gonna buy my favorite porn star like a vacuum cleaner for her house, and hopefully she'll fuck me. One of the saddest things I've ever seen, this kind of goes in the same direction, there was this girl that I knew in college, and she was nice, nice she had a boyfriend and she had a friend that was just always around her and creeping on her and he bought her a vibrator just to be like hey i think that like this is a very sexually healthy thing for you to have and he was just the biggest simp in the world yeah it's like ultimate simp behavior yes is buying something never buy a woman anything is the moral of my story um that was steven chay his brain is broken i he said that someone someone brought in lunch today empanadas and he's like do you want me to grab some for everyone and i was like yeah just leave it outside we're recording and he just opened the door so his brain is broken sorry for the interruption there by steven chay um yeah that's that's fucked up b I know.
That's pre-crime. Pre-crime.
All right. Going around the snake.
Our turn? Yeah. So we're going with going on 4chan.
Which you do. You do all the time.
I do not go on 4chan. You said, I think literally two days ago, you said that you have been on 4chan.
So we have killing frogs and going on 4chan. Billy, are you just giving us your manifesto? No, no, no, no.
Come on. Relax.
I don't go on 4chan. For the record, you can look through my computer.
What's 4chan? I've literally never heard of it. It's a terrible place.
Oh, they're going to come after your ass now. Oh, I've been fighting them already.
Oh, but you haven't been on? No, no, no. Where are you fighting them? I thought you were supposed to-regulations yeah you know that's one of the last one of the last safe spaces on the internet free speech baby yeah it's it's pretty actual even worse is 8chan yeah it gets fucked up it is pretty yeah i mean it's if you're going on there you're going if you're going on any chan yeah i feel like it is progressing though like 4chan might not be as i don't know anything about it.
4chan is not as bad as 8chan. So yeah, so the higher the number of the Chan,

the... it is progressing though.
Like 4chan might not be as, I don't know anything about it. 4chan is not as bad as 8chan.
So yeah, so the higher the number of the Chan, the worse the people there are. Is that fair to say? Exactly.
Okay. Your next pick.
Finish this up, Jake. Do you like this one, Billy? Yes, we need Jake.
Onlychans.com. That should be the next website.
To get the dankest memes. Do you do that? If it's hot, yeah.
That was figuring out if they were going to pick eating pizza with a knife and fork. Yeah, but sometimes you do when it's hot.
So I'm going to do scraping cheese off of it. Scraping cheese off pizza.
Drinking straight tequila. What?

Okay, both are bad picks.

Just give them five slots.

Yeah, you guys get both those picks.

Those are so bad.

I'm not afraid of that.

People do that every single day.

If you're going to scrape the cheese off, why are you ordering pizza?

Jake, you're the king of watching your figure.

I want to eat something bad, but I don't want to eat too bad,

so I'm going to scrape the cheese off.

That's right up your heart. Speaker 1 0, the fact that Billy makes all these 4chan comments

and then immediately scraping cheese off pizza,

that sounds like some deep state Hillary Clinton Pizzagate shit that you guys are.

What does that mean, scraping cheese off pizza?

Billy?

Like just taking the cheese off the pizza?

Before eating it, you just eat the dough and some leftover sauce. Okay, and then also you get drinking tequila, which is not even close to pre-crime.
So taking a shot of tequila? No, taking a shot of tequila, no chaser, no nothing, just drinking tequila. Just taking a shot of tequila.
You never had good tequila. Yeah, so in your eyes, like Kenny Chesney is Hitler Hitler, then.
Yeah. This is the...
Of all your 23-year-old takes, this might be your most 23-year-old take to be like, tequila, gross. No, I drink tequila.
What? I just... The thing is, I've been told it's a pre-crime when I do it.
Wait, by who? Did you go with Jake? No. I just was like...
Wait, so in your mind, you drink tequila.

I had to think of something quickly because Jake was about to scrape cheese off pizza.

You crushed it.

Yeah.

You got blood.

Why?

He said that before.

He said tequila before the pizza thing.

Yeah, that's true.

That is.

Okay.

So those are your last two picks.

Good job, guys.

We'll give you five picks on this one.

Okay, PFT, our last pick.

Okay. Our last pick is adult autograph seekers we've seen them recently at bill's training camp when they were just like throwing shit on the field especially the ones that show up with their suitcases filled with stuff and they run their operation like oliver twist and they send their little orphans out to go get autographs and bring them back.
That is a crime. Yeah, those guys are...
What?

How's that crime?

They're hustling.

Trying to make a bug.

No, that is...

Adult autograph seekers, if you just wrangled them all up and had a conference with them,

you'd be like, crime, crime, crime, crime.

Can I change...

No, so what we're saying is doing this act isn't a crime.

Yes, I want to hear what you say, but you can't change it.

But I guarantee, like Big Cat says, if you look at the average profile, they're committing all sorts of other crimes. They got their fingers in a lot of pies.
They are most likely to commit a crime, which is pre-crime. Go ahead, Billy.
I'm replacing our last one. I'll tell you what, I'll let you add on.
So yeah, you get six. Keep talking.
Getting a massage.

Nope.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There we go.

You've never gotten a massage?

No,

he's making Deshaun Watson joke.

I've never got,

I've never gotten a massage where you like go in a private room.

Ugh,

gross.

Someone put it.

Wait,

when you're still doing like orgy massages?

No,

no.

Lie down in the lobby chairs and then they come out to you? In like the athletic training room athletic training room. You get massages with like 40.
It's a gangbang of people getting massages. That's worse.
Another 23-year-old take. Massages are pretty cool.
And private. Extremely private.
Yes. Like training massages I get, but I don't know.
What about couples massage? Your body gets stressed. I know.
It's kind of... I don't know.
You're like muscle guy this is i love i love you billy because this is like i'm just getting to watch like what your mind what your idea of like alpha and tough is is so funny because it's like you're gonna i don't think you're gonna write i mean i was making the sean watson you're gonna write us a letter when you're our age and be like i'm sorry somebody everything you guys are right Like getting massages pretty nice i know it's nice but like pre-crime i literally told billy that yesterday i was like right now when you're my age you're gonna look back at yourself and be like wow i didn't know it all yeah no i knew nothing i knew nothing yeah yeah but no i get the joke there are some people that have replied to me when i talk about deshaun watson be like what have you you ever been to a massage parlor, man? You ever got a rub and tug? It's like, no. No, I haven't.
I literally have not. If someone's going to get massages constantly, it's kind of weird.
Agreed. I would say I'm not defending Deshaun Watson when he did it was fucked up, but again, there is far more athletes, especially football players that need massages well in the training room like deshaun watson is the outlier of like scumbags that like fucked like it was an asshole but like there's a lot of athletes that like massages are good i i but that but that's also like that i'm not a training athlete like if my muscle if i was working my muscles every every time i've got i've probably gunned myself i've probably gotten five massages.
Every time I've gotten one, I've been like, I should do that more because I feel fucking way better. My neck isn't stiff.
My shoulders don't feel like they're holding everything. And it's standard practice for athletes.
Yeah. I should get more massages.
I used to get deep tissue massages all the time when I played baseball in college. I'm a little surprised that you haven't, actually.
Wow! How bad girl! How good an athlete were you? Let's go, bad girl! I got massages in the training room. Oh, wow.
In front of everybody. Wow.
I got massages, just not... So they knew you weren't gay.
I think it's fine. Getting massages is a completely normal thing to do.
Correct. But if you become a massage guy that gets them all the time, that is weird.
I that yeah okay you have six sounds like you're a pretty good college athlete uh one year college baseball how many dingers three dingers damn i was the mat stairs of college baseball oh hell yes pinch hitter pinch hitter who only tried to hit bombs i love it that's fucking i like that all right uh you guys have six. Do you want to add a seventh? Yeah.
Okay. Go ahead.
Downloading Tor browser. Okay.
Which you probably also have done. I've never even heard of that.
Where did you find out about that? You always talk about the deep web, Billy. You're a deep web guy.
This is great. Do you have another one? Can you have another one? So we always joke around with Billy about how every time he talks, he incriminates himself, even if we're interrogating him about something.
In this one, it's explicitly pre-crime, and you just keep listing things that you have done. Yes.
I have never downloaded before. How do you know what it is? Because I know what it's used for.
How? I get to the Silk Road, because I watch the documentary. I think you have downloaded encrypted browsers.
No. You're Mr.
Duck Go. Yeah, if you're telling me you haven't bought steroids off one of these websites, I'm calling bullshit.
I haven't. Okay.
You want an eighth? This is the last one you can get. Would you like an eighth? Anything, Jake? Empty the clip, Billy.
No, let Jake go. Let Jake go.
Come on. Jake, empty the clip.
Jake, come on. Give us one last one.
I actually don't have anything. Billy had one more.
Yeah, let the chopper say he had one more. Yeah, you emphasized it.
Watching anime. Oh, my God, dude.
Nice. Anime is great.
Are you an anime guy? Dragon Ball Z? I mean, it's a show. Yeah.
It's a form of show. Huge overlap of 4chan and anime.
Yeah. I've never, I don't think I've ever watched an anime.
I mean, I watched Dragon Ball Z as a kid, which I learned after the fact is an anime, but I fucking love that show. All right, Hank, your team's last pick.
We're going to go with eating fish for lunch in the office. Ooh, okay.
Should be a crime. Yeah.
It should be a real crime. It's definitely pre-crime.

You just have no standards or empathy for any of your coworkers or peers.

Yep.

And you're likely to commit a crime afterwards.

What about a fried fish sandwich that you order from Popeyes or something?

Filet fish?

That's not as bad.

Yeah.

No, you're talking tuna fish.

You're talking actual fish, salmon, heated up. I'd say tuna salad's okay'd say tuna salad's okay yeah anything in the microwave sushi's fine right sushi's fine yep yep yeah i would say like if you order something from popeyes yeah but like if you're getting mcdonald's filet of fish for lunch that is that's kind of pre-crime could be catholic yeah yeah um which could also be pre-crime correct yep um okay anything we missed? Anything we missed? I had, uh, uh, wearing socks during sex.
That's just a weird thing that I feel like, I don't know, there's something going on there. Billy, do you do that? Intentionally wearing socks.
Yeah, like, I'm not going to take off my socks. Yeah, but like, sometimes you're just, you know.
Yeah, just being like, I'm going to keep my socks on because we're having sex. You know who does that? Who? N Nelly says when Nelly's fucking, it's only the socks and the chain that stays on.
Getting really into clowns. Or being a clown.
Or being a clown. John Wayne Casey.
Owning more than two cats. I had.
Listening to insane clown posse. I don't know.
You're not a ninja? You're not a juggalo? No. Billy just...
I'm not. ICP is definitely pre-crime.
I think ICP, the juggalo community, they get a bad rap. I think they're very positive.
They're welcoming. Yeah, they're very welcoming.
I think you need to open your... We should send Billy to Gathering of the Juggalos.
That would go well. Jeez.
Yeah. Buying low-top Air Force, black Air Force ones.
Yep. I agree.
Yeah. That's definitely pre-crime.
High-tops are fine. The people whose entire personality is that they really go all out at Christmas time.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Pre-crime. Ignoring a dog when it's trying to be friendly to you.
Eddie. Eddie.
Mm-hmm. If a dog comes up and snuggles and you just completely act like the dog's not there, jail.
Yeah. Being coached by Urban Meyer.
Yeah, that's good. Oh, damn.
That's a great one. Whose pick was that? I asked for, we should think of an Aaron Hernandez one and memes sent out back.
That was a great pick by memes. I can't believe you iced him out.
If you're a guy and you get your nipples pierced. Yeah.
Yeah. You guys are kink shamers.
Doing baby talk to animals that you don't own. Like, you're not your pet.
Or your significant other. Or your significant other.
Baby talk, definitely. Yeah, public baby talk.
What if you see a dog, if Whitey was in here and I went up to Whitey and I go, who's a good boy? That, if you keep on going, though, like that, just one line, sure. But like, if you go full baby talk to a dog that is not your dog, I think that's kind of pre-crime.
Because I always have to ask a dog who the good boy is. A simple question is not pre-crime.
But if you keep on going, you're like, wait, you have a good day today? Yo, waitie, what you doing, waiter? Whose fluffy wheel tail is this? That's your fluffy tail. Yeah, you're right.
I want to lock myself up right now. Yes.
If you're a certified elite level reviewer on Yelp, it's pre-crime. Yeah.
Although those people come to the silent guardians of the internet. In a way.
In a way. In a way.
Okay. Anything else? Unironically tweeting at airlines.
Yep. Yep.
That big time pre-crime. Big time pre--crime being like or unironically complaining to any type of uh like account on twitter that you know trying to get like free shit chrissy tegan uh owning a puppet no you're talking about um what's her name kelly kapoor yeah yep yep forget her name she did that uh if you own a puppet kaling you're midi kaling you You want a puppet? Yeah.
Puppet. Puppet and multiple puppets.
Yeah, ventriloquists.

That's an art. That's a big mess.
That's an art form. That's a pre-crime.
Okay, good Mount Rushmore. Taking socks off on a plane was the other one.
Oh, dude, I saw a guy the other day. I do take my shoes off, though.
There was a guy the other day. I think it was when we were flying back from denver socks and shoes off went to the bathroom oh it was wild i was like what is going on i do i think i that the chicago guys did something and i was defending i do take my shoes off because i fall asleep flight over over two three hours i think yeah like i'm i always fall asleep and i for whatever reason it's easier to fall asleep with your shoes off.
Yeah. I, I don't like that.
I don't like that move. I think a long, long distance flight, you can take your shoes.
I think shoes. You're saying your socks are like, sorry, my socks are clean.
I don't know. I'm not, I'm just not a foot guy.
Maybe if I could see if you brought slippers onto a plane, you change into your slippers, just like put something over your feet. Socks.
Yeah. I mean, I understand how illogical what I'm saying is,

but there's just something to me about seeing somebody in socks on a plane

where I'm like, eh.

Yeah.

I wish they had some more fabric on there.

Okay, let's get to Terry McLaurin, Washington Commanders wide receiver.

Before we do that, P.T., you had a quick word from one of our sponsors.

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And now here he is, future Super Bowl champion, Terry McLaurin. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest, wide receiver from the Washington Commanders, Terry McLaurin.
Terry, thank you for joining us. We appreciate it.
I know you probably are sick of talking about it, but I have to start with a congratulations for your new contract. I appreciate that.
$71 million. It's a lame question to ask, but I think everyone kind of loves to think, what would happen if I put ink to paper on a contract like that? What was that feeling like? And did you buy anything really cool? Man, it was it was crazy to to sign that contract and to finally hear from my agent, like the deal was done.
I don't think a lot of people can appreciate how far that process, like how far you get to that actual signing the contract. There's so much that goes into that.
And so to be able to have that done and to be like, like, dang, like my family is, I can take care of my family. I can take care of

my future family. I can do more in my community.
Um, and I'll be somewhere where like I have

security, you know what I mean? So like just having that feeling was, was crazy. I haven't

really bought, I haven't bought anything for myself yet. Like it's really just, I've kind of tried to let the money cool off for a little bit i like that i did a few things for my parents but for myself i haven't did anything yet and it's it's especially cool for a guy like you who wasn't you know a first round draft pick who doesn't get that initial pop and you're playing in the nfl for three years and everyone knows you know nfl careers don't last forever and And you're not making that, you know, I think everyone assumes like, oh,

Terry McLaurin, he's awesome.

He must be rich.

And you still had to wait a couple of years to have that moment.

So it's, it's congratulations again.

It's awesome, man.

I appreciate that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was, it was well-deserved beyond well-deserved.

So I'm a Washington commanders fan.

I used to be a Redskins fan.

Then for a while I was a football team fan. So I appreciate everything that you've done on the field these last few years.
It's been fun to watch. Are you still getting used to the new team name? I'll put it this way.
I like the football team. I like saying, like, we're a football team.
We don't need a candy-ass mascot. We're a football team.
We play football. Do you still miss that? This has been my third team in three years that was my third team in three years so like you you never really got used to any of them for myself but like i mean i i'm just hoping that you know people can rally around this some way shape or form but i think that at the end of the day you gotta win you know i mean like i was like we could be called the flying ducks as long as we win games man i think that's extremely important but also like not to diminish the history of washington and like the prestige which they which they had at one at one point of in history like having doug williams in our in our building and you get to see and talk to him and hear his wisdom all the time so like no matter what the team name is i i just want to get back to what that standard used to be yeah i agree i think that um when when

the name came out everybody somebody was going to roast it no matter what because it's a new name

if you look around the league the the names that exist right now if they came out as new team names

people be like the new york giants what what the hell kind of name is that you know but if you start

winning football games and i think everybody's going to be happy about it. No doubt.
And the jerseys look sick on Sunday too, or on Saturday. I like the new commanders uniforms.
Yeah, the white on white was pretty cool. And I think the helmets, man, I think the helmets need to get a little bit more love.
It's super sleek, but when the light hits it the right way, those are some pretty good helmets. So I think we'll we'll get to see the blacks this year obviously we'll have the maroon before too long so um you know i think i think the colors will be really good for us is it true like look good feel good feel good play good like i i always i do a lot of my gambling on uniforms like how how – you know, if someone drops a crazy new uniform

and it's like this looks great.

I mean, I remember what, Oregon versus Auburn in the national championship.

I didn't win.

But Oregon's uniform is like they can't lose in these.

No doubt.

I think that comment right there is 100% facts.

Like you look good, you feel good, you play good.

It's the swag.

It's the aura you come when you walk into the building. Like I, it's big to have a nice walk-in fit.
You know what I mean? If we're on the way, have a nice suit, look real clean. And then you put on that, put on that Jersey.
Like you want it to fit nice. You want, you know, every guy has their different accessories that like what they like to put on.
But I definitely think that's part of the routine, at least for me. Um, you feel good, you feel confident, and you're ready to go out there and make some plays.
So I had a question about your beginning at Ohio State. Is it true that Urban Meyer said that he didn't give you an offer because he said you couldn't catch? I saw that circling around a little bit.
Yeah, I think – so I was in his office, and he basically was like, you know, look, we like your speed. We like the person you are.
We don't really know too much about you because I got invited to a camp on, like, I think Coach Combs, who was a DB coach. He was my recruiter.
So he came to my high school early June. And by that next week, I was visiting Ohio State.
So they didn't really know who I was. I finished the workout.
I was a fast kid at the camp. I was killing it.
And then, uh, coach Meyer was like, you're going to like, coach cones was like, you're going to get this, this or this. And, and, but usually you don't get the middle, the middle thumb.
And, and so of course I go in there, I'm super excited. I'm thinking about to get an offer and I get the thumbs in the middle.
I'm looking around like what's going on like i thought i wasn't supposed to get that so like he basically was like like your hands aren't he really said your hands aren't good enough uh right now to be able to feel comfortable enough extending you an offer but this is what i tell you because if you go home um catch 200 footballs a day come in two weeks, you'll work out in front of me as soon as you get here, and we can go from there. There's a chance you can have an offer.
At first, I'm not going to lie, I was kind of disappointed because I felt like all the boxes that I needed to check at that moment, based off of what Coach Cones was telling me, the feelings I was getting from the coaching staff, I thought I was going to get an offer. So at that moment, I had a choice to either like, okay, I'm either going to go and accept one of these other offers that I had at the time, or I'm going to take this and let it like fuel me and just get, get challenged in a new way.
Because when you're in high school football, like there's challenges, but like a lot of the times those guys are playing those D1 schools or the better kids on their teams, better kids in the area. So I felt like being challenged that way helped me honestly take my game to another level.
So when I came back, I was like, it took probably like five routes. And Coach Meyer was like, yo, you're done.
You got to offer. So like that was not only was that like a challenge and it was disappointing at the time, but it also like I had a decision to make as a young man i'm 17 18 years old at the time like am i going to quit and go take another offer which i feel like i had other good offers or was i going to take this challenge to come back better and not only that like i came back better it blew him away and i got the offer and it was kind of like it honestly was like kind of like setting the foundation of what my career what my character what my legacy was.
Yeah. Nobody likes the side thumbs.
Yeah. Tell me one way or the other.
I don't want to be sitting in somebody's office and they're like, yeah, you're mid. Yeah.
Terry, he's low-key mid. Wait, did you catch the 200 balls a day? Did you go and catch 200 balls a day? Yeah, I did.
So I had my high school quarterback at the time. We would throw passes.
My dad was throwing me passes. My mom was throwing me passes.
My neighbor across the street was throwing me pass. I dead ass like caught 200 footballs every single day for two weeks.
And I came back and he saw the significant improvement right there. And that's when it clicked for me because I love the Ohio State's close to home.
The great tradition that's there, the chance to win national championships, the chance to go to the NFL. All that was there for me.
But being challenged in that way, I was like, shoot, if I can get better in two weeks just doing that, what can I do over a four- or five-year span? And so that's kind of really what sold me at Ohio State, and the rest was history after that. So what do you do now to keep your hands great? Because I think you've got some of the best hands in the game.
That's when you catch everything. So how do you work on that at this level? Is it still catching a lot of balls? Or are you a manicure guy? Do you take care of your hands that way? I do take care of my hands.
These are the money makers. But I think for me, honestly, it's so ironic because something that I feel like a lot of people would have said was my ball skills was one of my weaknesses in college and coming into the league.
I think it's become a strength in my game, genuinely. I think it's become like something that I can rely on that I can put the time and work and the effort in.
And it's something I say like I'm I've gotten truly better at this skill and for it to be as bad as it was and to see where it is now like that's super dope because I think it's a testament to the hard work you put in but I think I don't take it for granted there you know I mean like I'm still really highly focused on catching the ball when I'm in practice like you see practice may see me looking at the ball a little bit when I'm catching routes on air because I'm trying to train my eyes to catch the ball. So when the bullets are flying in the game, arms being grabbed on, everything, like everything's not really perfect.
You got to be able to focus on that football and bring it in. You really catch it with your eyes.
So you'll still see me catching the jugs. I think when I catch the jugs i think the jugs drill is a great drill genuinely just catch you know catching tuck the ball but i think where things took a turn for me for the better with my ball skills is when i went to ohio state and we started developing like jugs drill so i would put like you i don't know if you've seen the big the tackle gunny uh that the d-line may use i would put that about 10 yards away of the jugs drill.
So I would put like, you know, I don't know if you've seen the big tackle dummy that the D lineman use, I would put that about 10 yards away of the jugs machine and I would knock it out with my hand. So the thing would tip over to the side.
And then the person shoot the jugs ball, I'd catch it. I let the bag hit my hands.
And so that was kind of just simulating just not the contested catch of the bag hitting your hands, but also like your obstructive vision. Sometimes you're not going to be able to see when the ball is thrown, but you got to be able to track it and bring it in.
So I definitely still work on those things in practice. Like the attention to detail is really where I feel like becomes a habit because you're going to revert to your habits come the game.
Like it's hard to do something in the game that you've never practiced before. Yeah.
I like that next level jugs drills. Yeah.
Taking it. It makes more sense to do that because, yeah, I'm sure the jugs machine, it gives you good luck, especially if you're just standing seven, eight yards away.
It's a quick catch. You get the hand-eye coordination.
But also having the tackling dummy involved hitting your hands, it adds a little more realism to the game. I feel like that's a smart thing to do or I had two other Ohio state questions.
One, we're, we're friends with Joe Burrow. We've had him on a couple of times.
Great dude. You obviously, you know, he didn't play, you know, he transferred, but he was with you for a couple of years.
Did you know, are you surprised at all about the Joe Burrow stories? And like, this is the dude, like he's, did he have that swagger even when he wasn't? Cause that's the part he wasn't a starter he wasn't Joe Burrow that we know now but it seems like he's always been the same guy Joe's been the same dude since I met him back when he came to Ohio State in 2015 like me and Joe are still really cool to this day and I think we have a real genuine friendship because we both were guys that Ohio State were just guys. We were both trying to fight for our respect on the team to have opportunity to play.
And, you know, obviously he had his success somewhere else, but we all knew what was in Joe Burrow from the person that he was, the leader that he was, and the player that he was. He just has that that you can't coach when it comes to football in general, let alone at the quarterback position.
He has that. And then some like he's winning all the sprints out there.
We did like that St. Valentine's Day workouts.
He's like he's going crazy in there. Like we've had some team meetings and he stepped up and said some things that might be controversial to other people.
But he was standing up for guys in our locker room. You know what I mean?

So, like, he's that type of dude where you want to go to war with him any day,

any week, like, you want somebody, it's Joe Burrow.

And then, so it was so cool to see a guy like that to have his success in college

and see what he's doing in the NFL.

Like, he deserves it.

I've always been, I guess you could say, a Joe Burrow staying account.

I just believe in that dude's ability so much more for the person than he is just the player. Like the person is the reason why you see the player.
You know what I mean? Yeah. It's great to hear that from, you know, someone who knew him and was with him before he became the starting quarterback because it is – Joe Burrow breaks that mold of, you know, analytics are so advanced now and everyone's doing advanced number.
It's like, sometimes it's just easy enough to be like, he's that dude. Like he is that guy and he has that, he has it.
And people will follow him. Not saying he doesn't have talent otherwise, but that like moxie or whatever you want to call it, he's always had.
And that's why he's able to be such a great leader in QB1. Definitely.
I think also what keeps his hunger going is he never feels like he has it. He has that appetite to continue to get better where things are not perfect.
He just wants to get the rep right. He wants to get the guys feeling confident in what they're doing.
So puts a lot of time and working to his body to lifting to throwing like everything that it needs to be done like he's trying to do and so um i think there's just a testament to who he is and like obviously comes from a football family and you know you could tell he was um he was instilled with great just foundational uh characteristics yeah as far as uh commanders quarterbacks go, Taylor Heineke came on the show a couple months ago. And I love Taylor.
Taylor is like, I love watching him play. The play's never over when Taylor's out there.
He's going to try to make a play one way or another. And I've always noticed that when he gets out of the pocket, he'll do that thing where when he's really feeling himself, when he's like, okay, it's Taylor Heineke time, he'll point downfield.
And he'll like, I think he thinks he's giving you an instruction on what to do, but I think it's just more for his own confidence to be like, all right, I'm calling my shot right now. And I always know that something either really awesome or really terrible is about to happen, but it's going to be fun.
He's going to try to make a play when he does that. When he's pointing, are you actually getting any instruction

or are you just like, okay, I know Taylor's about to just chuck one up here.

I better go get it.

When you see him pointing, you better start going that way

because he's probably going to throw it.

You know what I mean?

He just has that type of confidence in himself and his guys.

That's one thing that's always stuck out about him.

He's going to give you a chance.

You know what I mean?

And I think he's definitely obviously one to continue to improve on himself

Thank you. Like that's one thing that's always stuck out about him.
Like he's going to give you a chance. You know what I mean? And I think he's definitely obviously wanted to continue to improve on himself and his decisions and things like that.
Like he never wanted to put the team in a tough position, but he believes in him and he believes in his guys. And something about that, when you see that in a quarterback, like I'm telling you, just galvanizes people.
You know what I mean? So just the – from day one, you know, meet him when we played Tampa a few years ago in the playoffs. Like he's just played with an incredible spirit that you don't really find that in too many quarterbacks in the league at all.
Yeah, he loves diving for the pylon too. You better seal your blocks around the edge when he's like within 15 yards because he's going to put that football right on the pylon yeah yes that's a fact um so i i i'm also a badger uh and you broke my heart i mean ohio state always beats wisconsin but i had one specific moment 2017 big 10 championship game we were there um i i know when when wisconsin takes a step up in class and has to play in ohio state there's you, there's a little bit of a difference in athleticism on the field.
You had the 84-yard touchdown to start the game. Were you like, I'm just so much faster than these dudes? Like, it's not even fair? Because that's how I felt watching.
I was like, it's not fair. Yeah, yeah.
Like, this is what I'll say about Ohio State. Like, we definitely take pride in trying to have the best players.
And recruiting, like, that's one of the top things that Coach Meyer and Coach Day always talk about is just recruiting. You can't do anything without the players.
But, like, we knew going into the Wisconsin games, like, especially playing at Camp Randall, they were going to be tough. They were going to be like, you better bring your toughness.
Like, Coach Mick, the strength coach, was like, bring your toughness to that game. Because you never really know what can happen in those kind of games.
I think that game fell into our favor where we got to play a style of ball that was in favor of us. Like we got to really dictate the line of scrimmage.
We got to get the ball on the edge to our playmakers. And we had confidence in that.
We knew we had the advantage there. But if we didn't bring the toughness of our O-line and D-line didn't set the tone up front with those guys that you guys got like we wouldn't have been able to possibly get those same plays off and so um i think we just came in that game with our attack mindset especially you know we felt like um you know we were fighting for our playoff lives at that time um obviously you know what happened in 2017 but um that game was super fun.
As soon as i caught that ball i'm not gonna lie i knew i was gone yeah no you were just faster than everyone on the field that was a really nice way of saying yes confirmed faster than everyone on the field how fucked up was that turf thing though what were you guys saying on the sideline you remember that when they had to have a doctor out it took forever yeah when the dude came out with the bucket and the turf head came up. Yes.
That threw everybody off because, like, when you're so locked in, I feel like that game was, like, we were just hot. You know what I mean? Everything was rolling for us.
And stuff like that could kind of throw off your momentum a little bit. So we were just trying to stay locked in on the sideline to make sure, like, whenever this happens, we got to keep our intensity up because, like I said, with wisconsin teams the games are never really over yeah that's a nice way of saying you always win yeah i appreciate that i feel like in a moment like that where the game's just being indefinitely delayed that's got to take its toll on on coach meyer too like he's probably on the sidelines do the thing where he puts his hands on his knees he's like hyperventilating about to throw up because there's not enough football happening.
Yeah, the Maryland game. Remember the Maryland game? Were you worried about him? Which Maryland game? I think you were there.
I want to say 2018 or 2017. Yeah, when he started collapsing on the sideline because you guys were going to lose to Maryland.
He might have actually been sick, but I think it was more because of Maryland. Yeah, yeah, Maryland.
Coach Meyer is a super intense coach. Every play is like we win or lose on every play.
That's how he treats it. That's kind of how we thought any play can help win or lose you the game.
You got to be locked in on your assignments. So I think everything you saw was his genuine reaction of either frustration or he was excited for one of us making a play or he was, you know, just stressed out, making sure everybody was, you know, doing their job from coaches and the players.
Yeah. Just a little fun stat that you can maybe bring back to the locker room here.
You probably don't know this. It's something that we had to dig up with the help of a friend at Stathole Sports.
Carson Wentz, your new forget by the way he got two MVP votes he's a good player right um in exactly 73 degree weather Carson Wentz is the number one quarterback of all time in yards per attempt so you got to have something like you got to check your weather app on Sundays if it's 73 degrees outside start, start Terry McLaurin on your fancy team, number one. And just let him know.
Be like, hey, this is your zone, Carson. Go off.
Yeah. We love playing in comfortable weather.
We'll play any weather. But when you see it sunny, most receivers, I think, for the most part, maybe check the weather.
Because you see a rainy game, it's like, all right, I got to change the way I maybe catch the ball and things like that. When you see sunny, it's like, oh, yeah, everything that we've been practicing all week is up.
You know what I mean? Like, there's a chance we can run that because, you know, when the weather's good, everything feels great. But, like, it just makes things sometimes a little harder when it's rainy, but you still got to execute.
What about snow? Because we always think that snow helps offense, right? Because you know where you're going. The defender doesn't.
I've never played in a snow game in four years. Wow.
So I can't quite speak on that yet. There's maybe been a little drizzle in Green Bay.
Green Bay, you know, Lambeau is cold. It is cold, cold.
And Buffalo, too. They got that wind.
But I haven't played in a snow game, so I can't quite speak. Alright, you'll have to let us know when you get in your first snow game.
That's kind of crazy to not get to, you know, from Indiana to play in the Big Ten, like, never snow game, huh? Never played in a snow game. My freshman year at Ohio State, I was red-shirted and they played in Minnesota in like two or three inches of snow during that whole game.
And I remember sitting in my dorm, and I was redshirted, so you don't travel when you redshirt. I was like, man, those guys look cold while I'm sitting on the couch just watching.
So I was like, that one? You want to play? But I was like, that one? You stand on the sideline, you're worse off than the dudes who are playing. Yeah, that's a fact.
I have one last question for you. Yeah.
I don't know if you saw a couple years ago, I think they ran through Aaron Rodgers' list of every receiver he's ever thrown a touchdown pass to. I'm curious, for you in the NFL, can you name every quarterback on the Redskins, Commanders, or football team that you've caught a pass from?

Oof.

Okay, I'm going to do my best here.

Let me say Colt McCoy, Case Keenum, Dwayne Haskins, Carson Wentz. Does he count? Yeah, we can count him Carson Wentz Logan Thomas against Dallas Yep Let me think Alex Smith Yep Trying to think Oh, Garrett Gilbert Okay Double.
Double G. Heineke.
Yep. You're missing one.
Ooh. You got the hard ones, though.
You got Logan Thomas. I didn't think that you'd get that one.
Garrett Gilbert. That was a weird game, huh? Yeah, that was crazy.
He came in on Wednesday. Yeah.
He came in on Wednesday. It was like, he's the quarterback for this week.
And we were like, all right. what happens like how do you develop rapport with a guy over 24 hours man like you you just hope that the preparation you put in during the week is going to work out you know i mean i think that's the cool thing about football like at this level you you you make it make sense you know i mean like because you know like you can't come in an interview after this yeah i only had know, I only had two hours to practice with this dude.
Yeah, people take that into consideration, but it's still a win-loss business. So, you kind of got to go on with that mentality.
You just hope the quarterback is on that same page. And Garrett was great.
Like, he was talking with me throughout that whole week. And, you know, we got to connect on the deep ball.
So, that was pretty cool. Got to add him to the list.
Don't forget, there's one more. Kyle Allen.
Who was the last one? Kyle Allen. Kyle Allen.
Caught a touchdown from him. My God.
I did. Against Dallas.
Yeah. Yeah.
Shout-out to Kyle. Don't get mad if I didn't name him.
All right. My last question is a rowback question.
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Terry, this has been a lot of fun. We appreciate it.
You're a recurring guest now, so you have to come on whenever we ask. You have to come on.
You have to drop everything. But my last question was, $71 million is very cool.
Was it kind of cooler, though, to be a 91 in Madden and a top 10 wide receiver? Because I'd imagine that's pretty fucking cool as well. Yeah.
Like, honestly, I always took the approach, like, because my rookie year, you never know what to expect. But now that I was in the top 10, like, I think that's pretty cool to not have to create yourself in the game.
I think that's dope.

I don't got to put all my accessories on there.

I'm just there.

They may be pretty decent.

It's cool to see my homies will be playing

and they'll use Washington against me.

They'll be using me as my player.

I always said also, this is my mentality.

I'm like, well, even if Madden rated me bad like you just got to make sure you're good in real life you know what i mean like make sure no matter what like just make sure everything's straight in real life because it's a video game but like at the end of the day i think any player most players can say growing up you played madden or you wanted to be on madden and you wanted you know to be good So I think just to be ranked around some of the best receivers in the league is pretty cool. Yeah.
I have one last, last, last thing before you go. Yeah, for sure.
New receiver, Jahan Dotson on the team. I love him.
I think he seems like an awesome, genuine dude. He carries the football around with him everywhere.
Are you like, dude, you don't have to do that anymore. This isn't high school football.
You're not being punished for fumbling. Does he actually really take it everywhere? So when I first met him out in California, when we were throwing with Carson right after I signed my contract, he had to football with him.
So I was like, okay, that's true. But I didn't say nothing.
You know what I mean? I'm like, that's just his thing. I'm a big – if that's your ritual, if that's your routine, do your routine.
That's you. But I haven't seen it since then.
I haven't seen it in the building. I haven't seen it in camp and things like that.
So I don't know if it's like, you know – he hasn't had any issues dropping the ball, so whatever he's doing is working. Does he have better hands than you? I haven't seen it.
If you were to say, like, who's got better hands? I think we have to see how he does in the game first. You know what I mean? But I think just naturally catching the ball, he definitely just has a natural ball skill ability.
Like, he makes some pretty easy catches that look really easy and natural. He has – like, you could tell he has a good feel of playing the receiver position as a rookie and how to catch the ball, how to position itself, to use late hands, and some of the tactics that you don't really learn until you're a vet, you know what I mean? Or you had a great mentor.
So I'm interested to see what it's looking like when the games come through this year, because I've definitely noticed you can, you can be great in practice and you can come out and have a few jobs in the game. So, but so far he's been great, man.
I think it's going to be really cool to see how he can help us this year

with his ability to be able to play the inside receiver, outside receiver.

It's going to be fun for him.

Yeah, I love it.

Well, thank you so much, Terry.

We really appreciate your time.

Best of luck this year.

Congrats again on everything.

And you'll be back on, so we're going to have to – we'll call on you

when you have a big game.

Yeah, like when you guys make the Super Bowl this year, you have to come on part of my take for that Friday's episode when the Washington Commanders are playing the Super Bowl. We had to do that show live if that happens.
Let's do it. Done.
Okay. You drive a hard bargain, Terry.
Yes. Yes.
For sure. All right.
For sure. Thanks so much, man.
I appreciate you guys, man. Yeah.
Thank you. Appreciate it super bowl champion terry mclaurin is brought to you by barstool bites and the part of my cheesesteak the part of my cheesesteak is a delivery and pickup only restaurant brand bringing you craveable cheesesteaks and loaded fries i'm on my soup and salad except for the weekends die right now so i made cheesesteak soup which is like broccoli cheddar, except with steak in it.
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We've got Fyre Fest of the Week. Hank, start us off.
I don't know where Billy went. So we kind of were talking about this earlier with one of your guys, Mount Rushmore picks, but I was on vacation last weekend.
I came back on Monday. You guys know how it is after a long, hard-fought vacation.
Hard-fought, yeah. I was worn out.
You almost need a vacation. My body was beat up.
Yeah, so I came home from work in the late afternoon and fell asleep early, like probably around 9 o'clock, super, super early. So I woke up, ended up waking up at like 5 o'clock in the morning, went to the bathroom, brought my phone, do some reading, and I went on Twitter and I was half asleep, whatever.
It was before Big Cat's coffee coffee tweet which is when i knew it was like i'm i'm way too early right now uh and i clicked my mentions and i had like literally eight straight mentions from porn bots that were saying you know the various things porn bots say like do you want to hang out do you like my pics can we chat blah blah blah so i thought it was funny i just literally quote tweeted with like two word response be like yes sounds good i do want to talk like you are pretty uh as a joke playing into it knowing that some people would think i was actually being horny and some people understand the joke as as twitter goes but after i did it i went back and i clicked the profiles of some of these tweets and it was the most aggressive porn i've I've ever seen in my life. Like it was quadruple airtight situations going on.
Yeah. So I was like, I don't want to be slinging smut at six o'clock in the morning.
Like everyone's going to wake up and click these profiles and be like, what the fuck am I seeing? So I deleted it and then people on the internet think they caught me like being horny in that I did it and for some reason Got caught doing something and deleted it So for like the last two days I've had people Sending me the screenshots being like Why'd you delete this? What's going on? What the fuck? You're like bonk, bonk, bonk, whatever So it's just like people They didn't catch you They did not catch me You were doing it as a joke Hor as a joke. People thought I was being horny for real.
And then I got caught being horny. And I'm trying to hide something.
And now you're here to be like, follow up, I was joking. Yeah, I deleted it for the people.
Right. You had an ironic erection.
Yes. No, it was like that.
It was too much for an erection. Yeah.
You were so horny that you already came. No, there's just like...
What he's saying is right. There's a line that's crossed with porn where you're like, no.
And when it's on Twitter, like, you know, obviously when you're watching, there's a lead up and, you know, you got to get into it. This was like, click the profile.
And it was just seven things going on. Yeah.
So there were a bunch of horny narcs out there that sent me screenshots of hank's tweets and so i i looked up these profiles and i clicked on one i was like holy fuck it was extreme even for the internet they always have the tweet yeah that's just like right in your face yeah they let you know so i thought i'll you know it was funny but i you know for the people, I didn't want to have people wake up with that imagery in their head all day.

Okay.

Good Firefest.

Thank you, Hank.

Yeah.

PFT or Firefest?

My Firefest also involves Twitter.

So I schedule tweets out.

They come out every time we release a part of my take.

I like this.

It comes out 8 a.m. on the day that it comes out.

And apparently last week when we did the nathaniel hackett interview i

scheduled my tweet because the way that it automatically populates when you hit select

date is a week from that day yeah and so this morning i guess thursday morning so yesterday

morning if you're listening to this podcast um i tweeted out the uh this is part of my take with

nathaniel hackett head coach of the denver broncos and then everybody was like are you on drugs right

now everyone and i was not on drugs the drugs had completely left my system from last night

Thank you. Part of my take with Nathaniel Hackett, head coach of the Denver Broncos.
And then everybody was like, are you on drugs right now? And I was not on drugs. The drugs had completely left my system from last night.
So I was not high. But then I just started following up to that tweet and just acting like the interview came out again today.
So I'm like, you know what? Let's just get more downloads on it. I'm posting videos on it right now.
But people thought that I was wasted, that my brain was fried from mushrooms. both not the case it was a scheduled tweet snafu I have about one of these per year I think the last one I accidentally scheduled like 8 p.m.
when it came out and I was like good morning yeah brand new part of my take so yeah okay those little time traveling I'm sorry it's the internet screwed me up not my own brain but whatever it's a interview. Happens to the best of us.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. My fire fest is promo too hard.
Yeah. Sorry.
My, my son had an eye infection. I had to do eye drops for a three-year-old and I, I guess it's a reverse fire fest where I now think I can accomplish anything in the entire world because for anyone out there who's had to do that, it is the hardest thing you've ever done in your entire life.
Clockwork orange status. It was.
Yeah. There was a moment where I was like, this seems cruel because I'm like peeling his eyes open.
Yeah. But yeah, it's one of those parenting moments where it's like once you, I felt like KG, like impossible is nothing.
Like I can do anything. Everything is possible.
Everything is possible. What is it? Anything is possible.
I think the story is that he was trying to say impossible is nothing, but he was just so caught up with it. He did anything.
Anything is possible. Okay.
So I'm impossible is nothing. Impossible is truly nothing at this point in my life.
So I feel good about it. All right.
Billy. Just eyes in general are weird.
Like even if it's my own eye. Yeah.
I got a weird thing about like touching eyes, touching my eye, other people's eyes. That's elite level parenting.

It was funny, though, because he had a little eye infection, and I woke him up, I think it was maybe Monday or Tuesday morning, and he was just like, my eye is broken.

And I was like, that's not exactly what's going on, but yeah, you get the vibe.

Was it like Bob Costas?

No, it's giving Bob Costas.

He just had the gunk, so no pink eye.

Billy.

Larry Seven is dead.

But didn't even know him. Yeah.

Billy, you killed him? No.

Killed a small animal? Sounds like you killed him.

No. I was moving

his tank. Who was responsible for him?

Well, there was. Mackenzie

was taking care of him.

He was on her desk. Who delegated that?

Me.

Why'd you do that? Because I didn't have a desk at that time. So we couldn't put it on her desk and then she moved upstairs uh me why'd you do that because i i didn't have a desk at that time so we couldn't put it on my desk so then i was moving how long have you had a desk at this office since about a year i'd say about probably about a year you killed our goldfish yep it's dead okay it's going dark r.i.p dead bitch r.i.p yeah i can't i can't i can grieve.
I didn't know we had Larry 7. I knew that we had him, but...
He was glow in the dark. Honestly, he didn't perform that well.
Yeah. So, okay.
Maybe we'll get a new Larry for football season. Perfect.
Not Billy. Look after him.
Well, I will take care of him. Tanks on my desk.
So, RIP Larry 8 as well. Yeah.
How many animals how many pets have you had that have died? Um five. In the last year? That's a lot for how old you are.
Yeah but like some of them are short-lived. Yeah.
Like the frog you fucked. Alright Jake finish us off.
Wait are we counting the chickens that all got killed by the hawk? Yeah so it's more like what 12 what, 12 now? Yeah. Racking up numbers.
All right, Jake, finish us off. I was riding my bike on the way to the office today and a giant bee hit me in the face.
A bee? Yeah, it didn't bite me, but I could have definitely fell. You guys, bees don't bite.
Wow, it could have been. They sting, yeah.
I saw a bee once, could have been me. Yep.
That's crazy. It hit you? It was like the speed.
I was I was going pretty fast. It was an e-bike.
And the bee just... You got in a car crash, basically.
With a bee. You Jake got in a car crash with a bee.
Wait, so... On a bike.
You killed the bee. No, I don't think so.
Did you check on it? Did you... No, I was moving too quick.
Make an audible noise. I was like, whoa.
How do you know it was a bee? I could see the yellow and black. Got it.
Wow. Great eyesight.
Damn. That's pretty fucking sick.
Yeah, so I'm okay. I'm here to tell the story.
Jake's glasses were just the windshield wipers. No, I mean, that's the most deadly encounter that you can have, a single hornet.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, right.
There we go. High-speed crash.
All right, numbers.

27.

Hank, you still haven't gotten it.

I have not.

52.

By the way, I do have the most wins.

56.

56.

I do have the most wins because I won on 21 once.

You're a suspect.

I remember I came back from Vegas.

I said 21 and I won. I don't, but but I'll believe you so Billy is the champion right now 45 Billy's favorite number how many times 5 alright see everyone on Monday love you guys Tasmanian Devils have 4 nipples but they can have 30 children but only 4 get four get to live, and it has to be the strongest.
BuyRNR.com. BuyRNR.com.
I'm talking away. I don't know what to say.
I'll say it anyway. Today is another day to find you.
Shine it away. I'm coming for your love of the brave.
to say I'm sending But we're still Let away Still learn that life is okay Say after me At least we're better to be safe than sorry Say after me At least we're better to be safe than sorry. Say unto me.
It's no better to be safe than sorry.

Take me.

Take me.

Take me.

Take me.

Take me.

Take me.

Take me. I'm going to be gone You're the dreamer

Things that you say

Is it life-old

Just to blame my worries away

You're all the things I've got to remember

When you're shying away

I'll be coming for you anyway

When you're shying away

Thank you. The things I've got to remember In the shying away Well, I'll be coming for you anyway In the shying away

Well, I'll be coming for you anyway

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me I'll take you

Take me, I'll take you Take me, I'll make you

Take on me, take on me

Take on me, take on me

Take on me, take me