NFL Preview With Comedian Stavros Halkias, Football Is Back, Mt Rushmore Of Breakups, Fyre Fest Of The Week

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Manascalco, it ain't right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, we've got our good friend Stavros Halkias back on the show, and it's a great one because we broke down the entire 2022 NFL season.

Speaker 1 It is the definitive preview for the NFL season. I know you can read all these books.
You can look at these analytics.

Speaker 1 We just went through every single team and talked how the quarterback and the coach of that team fuck. And that will tell you how this season is going to go.

Speaker 1 We do a Mount Rushmore with him, the Mount Rushmore of breakups. We have football back.
Football is back.

Speaker 1 And we also have Fire Fest, and we're getting ready for Grit Week that will start on Sunday.

Speaker 3 When Cool Creamy Ranch meets tangy, bold Buffalo, the hole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch Sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 3 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 3 And then I love the solid work to be done.

Speaker 3 No place behind a lot of washing.

Speaker 3 And then I can't blame all of the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 3 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 3 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to

Speaker 1 presented by Barstool.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by Drink Revitalite. Go find it right now in the Barstool store, or you can find it at liquor stores across the country today

Speaker 1 is friday august 5th and football is

Speaker 1 back

Speaker 1 why are you whispering football football football football football football

Speaker 1 and it's stunk it's stunk mark davis stole the show mark davis is the true back king here because he came in with shades that he looked like he bought at the gas station outside of canton he came in he was just housing Buffalo Wings with a white shirt on.

Speaker 1 His haircut looks great.

Speaker 1 I know it's the Hall of Fame game, but it was basically like, just put Mark Davis on the screen the whole time because this football game, yes, it's awesome to see the helmets.

Speaker 1 I basically, every Hall of Fame game is the exact same, where seeing the helmets is great. Seeing the field is great.
And then you're just like, okay, this kind of sucks. I want the real football.

Speaker 1 Well, we were all hyped up for the visor to make an appearance with Doug Peterson. And the game was over when they showed the coaches on the sidelines.

Speaker 1 And Josh McDaniels said, I'm tougher than the fucking rain. I'm going to wear a visor.
And then they cut to Doug, and Doug's had his little hat with the roof on it. You know, the real hat.

Speaker 1 It's preseason for visors, too. Doug didn't want to show everything that he's going to be using during the regular season.
I understand that. I get it.

Speaker 1 I think he's gone a little bit gray in the last couple of years. I think

Speaker 1 he's a little bit shy, a little bit timid, coming out of his shell, putting the visor back on for old time's sake. But once the game got started, I held on longer than most.

Speaker 1 I think I stayed pretty interested through the second half just because of Kyle Sloeder, who right now is beating the Raiders three to nothing in the second half. Just FYI.
He stinks.

Speaker 1 What do you mean he stinks? He's the best preseason quarterback of all time. He didn't get us a touchdown, and I bet the over, and I wanted a touchdown.

Speaker 1 There's still the fourth quarter.

Speaker 1 There's still the fourth quarter. Kyle Sloeder, I still believe in him.
If you've watched him play, you should believe too. But my big takeaway was

Speaker 1 this was the Hall of Fame game for fans too because i was not ready for football to be on tv i wasn't i wasn't ready i ordered my dinner my uh delivery and i ordered it like 30 minutes too late so the game had already started when it got here i'm out of my rhythm right now um so it's good to just you know get back in the rhythm sit on the couch watch football figure out which one is the volume up button and which one is the channel up button that one fucked with me tonight a little bit too but for us fans watching from home we haven't watched football on our couch in about six months maybe so you were six you were more than 30 minutes late because we had the weather delay which sucked yeah weather delays sucked and then we we also had yeah it was basically the game of uh where's josh mcdaniels from

Speaker 1 oh he's from canton people forget that oh okay yeah that did happen um and yeah it was it was like cool helmets field football kicked off

Speaker 1 Okay, no one of consequence is playing. I'm going to hang in for a quarter and then I'm like, just get me.
This is, it's very funny.

Speaker 1 When the the first preseason game happens, I'm so excited to watch it.

Speaker 1 And then, as soon as we get through the first quarter, the first preseason game, I'm like, just fucking get over with the preseason. I'm done with the preseason.
Get me to the regular season.

Speaker 1 We still have one more week. Like, preseason week one, we'll get that quarter from like your team.
You'll get to see the Bears. I'm going to get to see the Commanders for the first time.

Speaker 1 And that'll be cool for a quarter. And then we'll be like, oh, yeah, preseason sucks.
Let's move it along.

Speaker 1 So I would honestly, I think that they should have a Mark Davis box, kind of like they do like the Manning cast. There should be a Davis cast, a bull cast, and just have it just be his forehead, even.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is. I think maybe the

Speaker 1 people in the truck are actually fucking with him because I do feel like we have more shots of Mark Davis eating random things.

Speaker 1 And you don't like, I feel like there's not off the top of my head a lot of stuff. Hank just keeps holding his earphones and I'm like, I don't, he's holding his earphones like something's very wrong.

Speaker 1 And I'm just staring at him and he won't say anything.

Speaker 1 So I'm very nervous that that something isn't recording or something's not working or there's an echo I don't know what to do I gotta admit I'm very thrown off by this is is are you guys hearing a faint echo I just I can't I literally like heard it once and then

Speaker 4 I kind of hear it when I say something No, no echo.

Speaker 4 It's all and I know I know that we've had this issue with when we're doing this with you where you have a slight echo that you hear, but then they're like, it's fine.

Speaker 1 PFT rounds.

Speaker 4 I was like trying to. Yeah, I was.

Speaker 1 Hank's been doing this. I think Hank might be part Italian because he's been speaking with his hands a lot recently.

Speaker 1 We did an interview, which I'm not going to talk about right now, but in the interview that we did a couple of days ago, Hank was over there. I said something to the person we were interviewing.

Speaker 1 I was referring to a specific game. And Hank just puts his hands up in the air and starts shaking his head around.
Like, what was it?

Speaker 1 I was trying to interact with you.

Speaker 1 It was reacting. That's my job.

Speaker 4 I was trying to get you to give context because you were like,

Speaker 4 you guys were on the same page with the game.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about

Speaker 4 So if I don't know what game I'm talking about there's a lot of listeners that know what I'm talking about in

Speaker 1 the case It was a baseball game from a very long time ago, so it was you know

Speaker 1 that he was like what's going on, which I understood, but yeah, he's the look on his face was like his brain swallowed a sour warhead. It was

Speaker 1 quite distracting. Him just going like this, though.
Like he's like fucking, he's like Diplo trying to avoid like some chick he doesn't want to hook up with in the booth.

Speaker 1 Like what is going on right right now? And then

Speaker 1 I'm literally like, I guess you can tune in the YouTube.

Speaker 4 We can maybe cut to myself. I'm just like smashing my headphones up to my ears to try and hear the echo.

Speaker 1 It's just, it screams.

Speaker 1 It's just like red alert, red alert. Something is wrong.
No, I know.

Speaker 4 And obviously,

Speaker 4 I was trying to determine whether or not something was wrong. But like we've had...
You've had slight echo issues where it's like not been an issue. So I'm like,

Speaker 4 determine if this is an issue or not. And it's like, I'm just like really trying to zero in.

Speaker 1 I should say, too, it's just me.

Speaker 4 Obviously, it's that girl's first day.

Speaker 1 It's that girl's first time, so she doesn't know whether to jump in or not here. So it is a little bit more difficult.
I get it. And then the best part about all this is going to be a lot of fun.

Speaker 4 I think we should pause. I think we should pause.

Speaker 1 We should have this conversation.

Speaker 4 Like, I think we should pause.

Speaker 1 But Hank, you're doing the like Patrick Mahomes on second down in a medium-quiet stadium where he's like covering out all the outside noise. Yeah, right, exactly.

Speaker 1 And the best part is Billy is just housing corn because he's making good on his corn bet. And he's the least distracting part of the show so far.
So credit to Billy. All right, word, word, word.

Speaker 1 This is amazing sweet corn, by the way.

Speaker 1 I need to shout out this farm. Wait, wait, let me get this.
Yeah, some AWL sent us a box of so much corn.

Speaker 1 It is amazing corn. They also sent chocolate chip cookies.

Speaker 1 Bartlett's farm.

Speaker 4 Do you have more, Billy?

Speaker 1 I have so many chocolate chip cookies, bro. Bring them back into corn.
Bring them back into the office.

Speaker 1 Sorry, but

Speaker 1 bring them back into the office.

Speaker 4 The listeners are not going to hear this break, but we're about to take a break and we'll give you a verdict on the other side.

Speaker 1 Okay, we're back and the jury is out.

Speaker 1 Hank ruined the first part of the show.

Speaker 1 That's not what the jury is out on. Listen, it was, I didn't make the call.
I didn't throw a flag up. I didn't throw the flag up.

Speaker 1 No, okay, so here's the thing. This is actually a little behind the scenes for the listeners.

Speaker 1 There is an echo, but we're now using a new recording software called Riverside, where it records exactly what's going in so there it's just recording what's going into my computer it's not recording everything else and then all the tracks come together so that's probably why we sound great for all the listeners maybe give us a shout out like hey you guys are doing zooms but you still sound like you're standing in a studio next to each other and Hank thank you for being always attentive to for the listeners I appreciate that yeah I mean I definitely was not expecting I wasn't thinking about the fact that we were videotaping myself.

Speaker 4 So having to watch this back on the YouTube will be weird because I was definitely like fully locked in trying to just use my ears.

Speaker 1 But all of you are the best on the pit.

Speaker 1 You're the greatest. And right now, by the way, I just want to set what I'm watching in case I start screaming.
The Jaguars are driving for the over, right? For the over. It's 27 to 3, 5 minutes left.

Speaker 1 This is Sloater time, baby. We're just

Speaker 1 this is me. If Kyle Sloater gets me this over, I will be a Kyle Sloater believer.
If he doesn't, I will motherfuck him forever. There's plenty of room on the Sloater boat, baby.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I can't remember what we were talking about, so let's just segue. Vince Scully died.

Speaker 1 All right, Pete. Wait, moment of silence for Vin Scully.

Speaker 1 Actually, no, Vin Scully would not want us to have a moment of silence. He would want us to tell a whimsical,

Speaker 1 he would want us to spin a whimsical yarn regarding the fragility of human life and the glory that is the opportunity of living.

Speaker 1 That was me trying to do that.

Speaker 1 He would want

Speaker 1 people to tweet random stories about taking a piss next to him, which Jeff Perlin did. That's always nice.

Speaker 1 I hope I have at least one person when I die be like, I took a piss next to Big Cat back in like 2015. Man, he wasn't joking when he said his dick was small.
I can't wait for Ed Jiren to die.

Speaker 1 Tell us that story again.

Speaker 1 I actually told it the other day, but if you guys haven't heard it, I'm happy to run it back. Jake,

Speaker 1 would you like to talk about Vince Scully? Because you are our, I mean, he's an all-time legend.

Speaker 1 I feel like death's on a little bit of a hot streak right now. Like, Death's kind of

Speaker 1 put a few wins together here. We've lost some like Ray Liota, some good, good fellas, you know,

Speaker 1 Sopranos,

Speaker 1 Bill Russell. Now we have Vin Scully.
We're losing some legends. So

Speaker 1 I'm just saying something's going on here. Everyone be mind their P's and Q's.
But go ahead, Jake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, definitely. He is

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 best play-by-play broadcaster of all time. He has moments that you could put in a dictionary, like you could fill a dictionary with, just thousands of pages.
Of the videos? You could write a book.

Speaker 1 I think what Jake's trying to say is you could write a book about all of Vince Scully's. Jake was just trying to think of like, what's a book that's got words in it?

Speaker 1 I guess that's not really me being a play-by-play guy and not being able to articulate a sentence isn't the best look, but

Speaker 1 no. If I could have 1% of the success that he had, that would be a successful career.
He is the best ever.

Speaker 1 I think what you can say about Vin Scully is that he made watching baseball exciting all the time. And it could be a shitty game.
It could be a boring game, but he was a great storyteller.

Speaker 1 That one clip of him talking about Madison Baumgartner and his wife killing the snake and finding rabbits inside of it. And that'll be a 3-1 count.

Speaker 1 And like just going right back and forth into the play-by-play. I think that's the best piece of play-by-play of all all time.
And,

Speaker 1 you know, we talk about it all the time, but the big game voice.

Speaker 1 And Vin Scully is like almost the inventor of the big game voice, where it's if you hear any clip that he's on, you're like, oh, this is about to be an all-time moment that we'll remember forever.

Speaker 1 Even if it is just a random game in the middle of the season, something about his voice makes you just feel like the stakes are bigger. And that's all I ever want from my announcers.

Speaker 1 And he did that to the nth degree. Did you know that he called the game of the catch?

Speaker 1 Yeah. That 49ers catch.
I actually didn't realize that until tonight. I was watching the Hall of Fame game.
I think, you know, we've got the technology.

Speaker 1 It's there where if you run enough words through a soundboard, you can create a software system and have the software system just be that person.

Speaker 1 That's what we need to be calling baseball games, I think.

Speaker 1 There's enough tape out there of Vin Scully. He said every word that you're allowed to say on television, on television.
Just take the audio and give me robot Vin Scully.

Speaker 1 I don't care if we never get robots, umps. Give me robot Vin Scully's.
Yeah, and he also called Hank Aarons

Speaker 1 716 when he passed Babe Ruth, which is just an all-time call. Obviously, Kirk Gibson.
There's just a million of them. So, R.I.P.
Vin Scully,

Speaker 1 watch out for death. The goat.

Speaker 1 Watch out for death. That's all I'm going to say.
We lost two goats.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you want to say Bill Russell and Vin Scully, I mean, Hank got swagger jacked by Magic Johnson, who basically, you know, he's a longtime AWL.

Speaker 1 So he listened to the podcast, and Hank was like, we should retire Bill Russell's number for all of the NBA. And then the next day, oop, Magic's like, hey, you know what we should do?

Speaker 1 Retire Bill Russell's number for the entire NBA. So credit to you, Hank.

Speaker 4 Credit to Magic. Longtime AWL.

Speaker 1 Should we just, I mean, we're basically done. The only other thing I had, oh, we have second and goal at Vegas 5.
This is Sloater time, baby. This is what I'm telling you.
We'll be back in.

Speaker 1 Sloater Magic.

Speaker 1 But he's truly

Speaker 1 bad. Sloater Magic still.

Speaker 1 No one is in. Incomplete.
Because, like, he was bad.

Speaker 1 He was bad in the third quarter, but he really... Sloater time is truly like the last five minutes.
Yeah, he's wet out.

Speaker 1 It's wet outside. They just need points.
We need a half a point. We need one point.

Speaker 1 We need one point. It's wet.
It's raining. It's terrible weather.

Speaker 1 They're probably not even, they probably told all the fans to go home because they might die from the lightning and the rain and all that stuff. But Sloater's still out there slinging it.

Speaker 1 That's the kind of guy he is. We're not going to like this.

Speaker 4 Would they go for it just to get reps? Or like, would they kick a field goal even though they're down?

Speaker 1 No, they're going to go for it. They're going to go for it.
Yeah. Shout out Daniel Carlson for just bombing kicks in preseason.

Speaker 1 Touchdown, Sloater. There we go.
That's one bitch. I'm 1-0 in the season.
That's my guy, Sloater. I should retire right now.
I'm 1-0 in the NFL season.

Speaker 1 This is actually a perfect start to the season for me because this is indicative of what I do on just about every game is I'll bet two things.

Speaker 1 And then one of the things will hit, the other will not hit. And then I'll lose a little bit of money on the VIG, and then I'll think of it as a win.

Speaker 1 I'll only think about the bet that I won, and I'll go into the next week, and then I'll check my account and be like, oh, yeah, I have less money than I did last week.

Speaker 1 But I,

Speaker 1 should I walk away a perfect season? Has it ever been done? 1-0. 1-0.
Should I mr. 1,000?

Speaker 1 I did say that I was going to have the best gambling season of my entire life this year. How many units did you put on it?

Speaker 1 I had a good amount of units. It was a real NFL Sunday play.
Okay. Which is not responsible.
I'll just say it. Like, that's stupid.

Speaker 1 These games are not.

Speaker 1 Who knows what's going to happen in these stupid games? But I got you stuffed for the first game. Beautiful handoff for a two-point version by Kyle Sloeder right there.
Yeah. I was excited.

Speaker 1 I was very excited for this game. I was very excited for football to be back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe I should. I think this is actually the

Speaker 1 20th season in a row that I've said I'm going to have my best gambling season of my life. So we'll see how it goes.
1-0 is 1-0. Last thing before we get to stop, we're going on Grit Week.

Speaker 1 We're going to be in Colorado. We've got some big interviews planned

Speaker 1 out there, and we're going to be going around. We're going to have a meet and greet for the people.
But I just wanted one last thing from Billy. You got the corn.
You're eating the corn.

Speaker 1 Also, you were on a game show that everyone watched tonight. Want to just give a quick how'd it go?

Speaker 1 It was.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Loki, great game. Loki, do you think that you had a good performance or a bad performance? Terrible showing.
Absolutely horrible.

Speaker 1 If you were to go back in time and coach yourself up on your appearance, what would you say to young Bill? I'd be like, bro, this isn't going to be man versus wild.

Speaker 1 Like, surviving in the wilderness has nothing to do with it. And then once you're trapped in the woods for six days after getting eliminated, like, like, just chill out and not be as angry.

Speaker 1 Maybe mixing the water.

Speaker 1 Sure. Yeah, that's all right.
Billy, we appreciate you going out there. I think you should do more reality shows.
I want to see in more stuff. So good job.

Speaker 1 Maybe, maybe not totally good job representing PMT, but good job being there. Good, good job being there.

Speaker 1 Billy is good job being you. Yes, yes, which I guess is our fault because that we have you representing PMT and we know you.
I mean,

Speaker 1 I am whatever. But you're doing the corn bet right now, so you've eaten a shitload of corn and we appreciate it.
I've eaten a lot of corn.

Speaker 1 I'm actually, last thing,

Speaker 1 just in case this shows up in a video or somewhere, I got dunked on tonight in a pickup fashion. What? Yeah, just getting ahead of that one.
Yeah, that's my fire.

Speaker 1 In case this shows up.

Speaker 1 That's very smart. No, it is smart, but like the best thing you can do.
No, no, no, no. Hank, Hank, it's very smart.
But what he just said, the key point of this is I need the video.

Speaker 1 Whoever has, like, because what Billy just implied is someone might have the video.

Speaker 1 I will pay for that video. I don't know who,

Speaker 1 I don't know if there's a video, but

Speaker 1 was someone filming on the sidelines? No, we were like three games in, right? We'd won three straight times.

Speaker 1 It was the fourth game, and a fresh team came in, and we were just getting like destroyed because everyone was gassed.

Speaker 1 And then I was getting pissed off because my teammates, who I have no idea who they are,

Speaker 1 but I just was like pissed off.

Speaker 1 Everyone was kind of quitting so then I ran down on a fast break to block a guy and then he instead of trying to go for the layup he hit it off the backboard and I literally got turned around he went off the backboard Billy

Speaker 1 you got Jason Terried yeah yeah Billy what did he look like

Speaker 1 I think that starter by Billy implies that he was an African-American gentleman that's what Billy didn't want to say

Speaker 1 and that's why i asked because i knew i'd get that reaction i mean

Speaker 1 no the worst part was the worst part was after i got dunked on someone from the bench goes boys got monkeypox and i don't know how that applies oh no billy oh my god everyone decided they were nuts if someone has okay all right all right i'm just gonna be really clear right now If someone has a clear video of this, I will pay $500 cash immediately.

Speaker 1 Imagine $1,000 cash immediately. It has to be clear video.
I have to be able to see that, like, I have to see Billy get dunked on. I want to hear the monkeypox line.
$1,000 from me and PFT on site.

Speaker 1 You'll come to the office. We'll give you cash.
We'll give you cash. You hand over your phone because I want to make sure I can save it.
I want to download it to all the hard drives.

Speaker 1 I want to have it in every fucking computer in the office. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Billy.

Speaker 4 As this is going on, as he just told his story, I don't know if fucking Festuli is listening, but there is a group text of just people that live.

Speaker 4 I won't get into the specific area, but people that live in this area that work at Barcelona, it's kind of just like a, it's, I don't, it's funny, but a kid just

Speaker 4 messaging it and goes, Billy, please tell me these rumors aren't true.

Speaker 1 Is Fasoli at the office, though? He might be memes by voice.

Speaker 4 He must be listening. Yeah.
All right. That's got to be it.

Speaker 1 That's got to be it. Okay.
He's not. He's not.
Oh, he's not at the office.

Speaker 1 We need to get the video.

Speaker 1 We need the video. I need to know, Billy, like, do you think that somebody was recording? Do you have reason to believe that somebody was recording this? No, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It was like one of those things where like here's what I'm gonna do Billy I'm gonna tweet out just I'm gonna tweet out does anyone have video of Billy playing basketball?

Speaker 1 I'm not gonna say anything else We'll see. We'll just mine it right now.
No, you know

Speaker 1 I just want to get ahead of it I think that if this video does exist and it's as good as advertised I think we have to even go as far as putting like the audio in the intro of part of my take I mean there's no way that that someone was filming a random random pickup.

Speaker 1 I know. I don't want to versus your guys' bubble.
I know. I know.

Speaker 1 That's why.

Speaker 4 I don't think.

Speaker 4 I understand why Billy said it because he was just embarrassed. He got dunked on.
But the chances of the video actually existing are very, very

Speaker 1 slim.

Speaker 1 But Hank, I mean, we've learned this by listening to all these crime podcasts and watching all these Netflix things. There's probably one of those CCTVs somewhere.

Speaker 1 We can probably get like the city of

Speaker 1 Hoboken can probably send us, like they're watching everything jeff bezos probably has this or sergei has this if somebody that lives in a house nearby has a ring camera yes i would even accept that that's what i'm saying they could turn they could they have video of everything now we need to get video of this yeah uh it's it's you know i put

Speaker 1 the pickup pretty competitive the pickup's pretty competitive i think some of them were uh rut crews football players oh okay

Speaker 1 but she and oh man

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a tough one. Just had to get that, you know, had to get that off my chest just so because the phones, the phones came out right after.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you this, Billy. Did the game end immediately after because the dunk was so violent that everyone stormed on the court and stuff? No, no.

Speaker 1 The thing was, it wasn't the first time in the game that someone got dunked on.

Speaker 1 So it was like several people had been dunked on in that game.

Speaker 1 So it didn't end the game, but the Monkey Pox line did did get a very loud round of laughter.

Speaker 1 But the thing was, we've been running the court for three, three, four games, and like a fresh team came on and just

Speaker 1 ran on us. Billy, you got it.

Speaker 1 I mean, listen, I've never been dunked on. I played a lot of pickup basketball.
You either got to get the fuck out of the way very quickly. What are you going to say?

Speaker 1 You never played with anyone who could dunk. You're going to play, yeah, exactly.
You're going to play with anyone who could dunk. I'm hard on Billy.
I have played with many people that can dunk.

Speaker 1 You either just get the fuck out of the way or you foul so hard they can't dunk. Well, it was the thing was, I was unexpected.

Speaker 1 I was like seeing red trying to chase down a dunk because my team would give it away. Okay, so you're just playing too hard.
That was your other problem. Yeah, yeah.
Well, everyone's playing hard.

Speaker 1 Everyone was playing hard. Well, you just said your teammates weren't playing hard, right? But, you know, I got that dog in me.
Right.

Speaker 1 And then the dog got fucking yammed on. Yeah, dude, it sucked.

Speaker 1 So.

Speaker 1 Whatever. Yeah, I don't know what to to say, but it's better.

Speaker 1 It's better about Billy. I already have the Spins Vonia.

Speaker 4 At least there's no video.

Speaker 4 I'm going to firmly say that this video doesn't exist.

Speaker 1 Now, Billy, when you say a guy dunked on you, is this in addition to Tommy dunking on you?

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck. Those games are fucking, it's all fucking smoke and mirrors.
No, he doesn't care.

Speaker 1 He doesn't care. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He doesn't think about Tommy at all.

Speaker 1 I mean, Tommy did beat me in lowering the bar, which remember that carrying carrying over to the game show? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I mean, I got a tattoo and my eyebrow shaved off and didn't win anything.

Speaker 1 So, yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I'm sensing a theme here. You do play defense too hard in a lot of stuff.
Like, you got to stop trying. That's your thing.
Actually, wait, I don't know. I know I asked you.

Speaker 1 My effort is way too high. I'm too hard.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 You try to. No, let me rephrase that.
Because after I said it, I immediately realized how big of an error I was making by saying those words. You try too hard in things that don't matter.

Speaker 1 That's the problem.

Speaker 1 Billy, you need to just refocus your effort into all the things that do matter instead of all the things that make no difference. Let's end it on a positive, Billy.
You paid the corn bet.

Speaker 1 You ate a lot of corn.

Speaker 1 That's a win. So we're

Speaker 1 now

Speaker 1 Billy. You're now 1-0.
You're 1-0 in your last one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a a win all right let's get to stavros and the rest of the show and i'll say i'll say if you have like young kids in the car that listen to the show this is one that you're gonna want to turn it up to turn the volume do not and carpool get like the neighbor's kids in the car for this one if you if you forgot your headphones at your work on friday um just wait till you get home because yeah

Speaker 1 it was good it was very very good uh here he is beef hey it's pft here reminding you that boars head makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

Speaker 1 Whether you order catering platters ahead from your local Boarshead retailer, or you create your own spread at home with Boarshead premium deli meats and cheeses, you are sure to impress your guests.

Speaker 1 My favorites, like oven gold turkey or blazing buffalo-style chicken, paired with their classic Vermont cheddar or creamy Munster cheese, are sure to score big and help me elevate my entertainment every time, whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration.

Speaker 1 Seriously, guys, it's a game-changing flavor for every gathering. Boarshead, committed to craft since 1905.
Halchias.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome back our good friend, Stavros Halkius. What's up, boys? He's back.
I'm back.

Speaker 1 He's going to do a Mount Rushmore with us. Yes, sir.
We're also going to just chop it up for a little bit. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of breakups.
Now, we decided this just totally random.

Speaker 1 Yep. You haven't had any breakups recently, have you? Not recently, no.
But we've had a couple bad ones. So no, like, hit podcast breakup?

Speaker 1 You didn't realize that was great. Dude, I literally, I was like, that's pretty fun.
I was like, that's a fun.

Speaker 1 You have no, I texted you last night. I was like, we're doing about wrestling breakups.
And you're like, okay, cool. I was like, sick.
Yeah, that's fun. I was like, I talk about breakups in my comedy.

Speaker 1 You're so right. I fucking left Cometown.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I did. I had no, damn, all my shit is about.
you know, women.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, one pick for me is Cometown. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the the breakup that everyone talked about. I was thinking, like, wait, oh, fuck.
I'm my shit's all fucked up. We just got rest, bro.
Yeah, we can just, we can just like go for it.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's so fucking funny. So, yeah.
Yeah, so a little bit has happened. You notes that, which, which I notesapped.
It felt interesting. We, we do, um, we do make fun of the notes app.

Speaker 1 Anyone who notes app, it's like, dude, get over yourself. But it was a significant note app.

Speaker 1 I had to do something because it was like, we just kind of decided it, and it was like, no one really said it, and I was just going to be gone.

Speaker 1 So So, it wasn't, and you know, the show never really addresses anything, right? So, I just figured, like, I'll just fucking put it out there so everybody knows that I'm not on it anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and people still think it's a bit, people are still like, He's coming back,

Speaker 1 waiting for dad to, you know, it's like when your parents get divorced and you want to admit it, but even out for cigarettes, milk, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 I could, I should have done a fucking some kind of video, but I was just like, I just want, you know, I want people to know I'm just like, because I was going in all fucking full, I'm going to fucking vacation mode, I'm going to Baltimore because Because I got threats to the bottom.

Speaker 1 You're going to have my whole vacation. Yeah, dude.
You know, you know, fucking the fucking. You go to where the ESPN zone used to be.
Yeah. I just stare at it.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I still got fucking ESPN zone points on my card.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to get in there. You're fucking whipped ass.
It was fucking sick. Every seafood.
Fuck Phillips seafood. It was just like lazy boy recliners for everybody.
Yeah. There were so many TVs.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I was just going to get fucking jacked, dude, because I got fat as fuck on tour.
I'm just trying to get under three bills. And my little brother's a personal trainer.
So

Speaker 1 I'm just going to Baltimore to just fucking get swole. Nice.
Nice. Yeah.
He's going to be strong. Thanks, man.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, you're powerful.
Yeah, by the way, you still got this fucking piece of shit couch. Yeah, we do.

Speaker 1 Usually, what happens is somebody comes in. We're like, yeah, we're about to get it fixed.
Knowing that they're never coming back in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Except we just say, yeah, we're in the process of renovating it. I see.
Yeah, there's a new paint can, it looks like.

Speaker 1 My lumbar support is all fucked up. I actually, I got some Jimmy's seafood last week,

Speaker 1 which is amazing. The boys.
Jimmy's seafood's awesome. And And they hit me up, and they're like, hey, just so you know, like, Stavs, your dad helped build the place? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 My dad, my dad, the Greek economy works by you either are a diner or restaurant owner or you're the guy who built the diner or restaurant owner. You offer coffee for life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's no white-collar

Speaker 1 Greek men of a certain generation. So my dad was like, he built the bar, he built everything.
I had my first lobster when I was five years old at Jimmy's Seafood. That's self-sufficient, though.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Greeks are just, yeah, you just keep building each other dining. Exactly, exactly.
And then

Speaker 1 you graduate to like, you know, fucking insurance fraud or like fucking, you know,

Speaker 1 other minor scams.

Speaker 1 Paying people under the cable. Yeah, paying people under the table, Social Security fraud, just that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 All right. So

Speaker 1 how has it been, though? Like the breakup, obviously, people are curious, but like,

Speaker 1 are people mad at you online? Oh, yeah, of course. They were always going to be mad at you for sure.
It's been good. I mean, listen, it's all love.
It's all, you know,

Speaker 1 God bless the Adam Friedland show. You know, I hope those boys are successful.
Kind of killing it right now. It's great.
Have you heard the monologues? I have not. Monologues are solid.

Speaker 1 I'm completely off everything. Not even, you know, that show, just everything.
So, yeah, it's all like, they're going to be successful. They're hilarious as shit.

Speaker 1 But I was just like, honestly, dude, I think because I was at the end of this fucking tour and I was so tired, I was like, I don't want to do anything. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was like, I just kind of quit everything. And I was just like, I'm going to go fucking, I'm just going to get go fucking find myself.
Eat Pray Love in Baltimore for a month.

Speaker 1 I had to come back here for some other shit. So I figured, fuck it, let's do a Mount Rushmore.
But yeah, I'm going.

Speaker 1 I've been in Baltimore for like a month, just hanging out with my family, writing, fucking, you know, trying to, trying to get under three bills. Yep.

Speaker 1 Where are you at right now?

Speaker 1 I'm at a Fighting 304. Oh, that's not.
You got that. We're close.
You just let that happen after you get it.

Speaker 1 You weigh yourself naked in the morning, right? I go boxers. Okay, I go naked in the morning every morning because that cuts off.

Speaker 1 Right after that, you got a shit. You got a foolie shit.
Do you want to know a real fat guy thing I do? Is

Speaker 1 I sometimes at night will weigh myself fully clothed with like my keys and my phone

Speaker 1 and then be like, oh, I'm going to be like five pounds lighter tomorrow morning. Like totally,

Speaker 1 like I'll fucking hold a five-pound weight while I'm weighing myself at night just to mentally get myself to a point where it's like, oh, this is all gone tomorrow morning. Yeah, yeah.
Pro move.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I go underwear, you know, 304, 308 when I'm hard. Okay.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I'm trying to just fuck. So I just kind of like, like, you know, semi was like, fuck it, dude.
I don't want to do shit. I'm burned out.
And also, I talked about it.

Speaker 1 It's so funny because I was on the show and I was like, dude, I hate podcasting. And it was almost like part of doing the press run, actually.
I was like talking about it.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, so you're

Speaker 1 booking. It's your fault.
It's actually, yeah, I've been talking to you guys. And I was like, you came on the show and you were like, podcasting sucks.
No, that's fine.

Speaker 1 You've been running like an extremely successful podcast for six years.

Speaker 1 You meet us for one afternoon. You're like, yo, this meeting isn't.
I want to end up like these pieces of shit. This meeting is dead.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 It's cool, though, because you don't have like very die-hard fans that will totally blame us now. Yeah, we're fine.
That'll be fine.

Speaker 1 We don't have the luxury of going to Baltimore on vacation and shit.

Speaker 1 Are we Yoko Ono? You're Yoko Ono, dude. So

Speaker 1 it was like, yeah, I think it was like

Speaker 1 a gay kid

Speaker 1 getting horny for his gym teacher and being like, oh, he's like, why don't I like girls and then you see your gym teacher like oh he's fucking hot you know it's like the press run i was like i came out as not wanting to podcast you know what i mean conversion therapy

Speaker 1 right

Speaker 1 mike pence was like i'm i'm not i'm gonna make you not a podcast

Speaker 1 so i mean look i'll probably fucking you at this point the way like media works you gotta have something for your fans to do like every week but i'm gonna take a long ass break i'll probably do some kind of bullshit podcast or video show or something but yeah dude i was just fucking burned out and i was fat as fuck you know, just

Speaker 1 unhealthy as shit. And I was just like, this is fucking, I just don't want to do shit.
So I've just been kind of chilling. It rules.
Not doing shit is awesome. So your special was great.

Speaker 1 Was it a success in your eyes in terms of numbers and everything? Yeah, dude. I was really pumped.
And that's the other thing.

Speaker 1 It's so stupid to leave a podcast that makes so much money. And it's so stupid to stop touring the second your special blows up.

Speaker 1 People are like, can you come? And I was like, I just,

Speaker 1 I'd rather have a crab cake of Jimmy Seafood than make you know tens of thousands of dollars but yeah I was just like nothing I'm doing makes sense but I was just like I don't give a I think you'll be fine I'll be fine that's the other thing it's like you know I'm just I honestly love a fucking vacay and I love to just fucking and I'm already starting like The tour is starting again in September.

Speaker 1 I just took the whole summer off. Yeah.
And so I'm just going to do it slowly, you know, try to get big arms little titties. That's kind of the funny thing.

Speaker 1 I also like that I admire anyone who thinks just solely in the present moment where it's like, I'm quitting everything, and then like September's gonna roll around.

Speaker 1 It's gonna be winter, everyone's gonna be shut inside, and you're like, Wait, I wish I had a microphone to talk to.

Speaker 1 I literally probably start doing some shit once, like, the winter rolls around, or just like if I get healthy enough where dick pills work easily, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, because I got so unhealthy, it was just like, I was just fucking popping dick pills, like, tic-tacs. I was like, come on, let's get some movement.

Speaker 1 And it would take like seven dick pills, and then my head is like about to explode.

Speaker 1 My nose is stuffed up my dick is hard as shit i'm like i'm gonna have sex now you know what i mean like

Speaker 1 that's how i don't even want to think my heart would palpitate and i was like this is i'm going to die on the road with a hard ass dick and i would rather just live you know what i mean so it was just like a full like i should have i maybe should have planned it out better but it's it's i'm an all or nothing type of motherfucker baby you know what i mean i like and it's just like a quick break i mean september is basically like next week yeah well that's what also sucks i was like i'm gonna take the whole summer off and it's like it's fucking next week.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like I have two, I'm about to go back home for like three weeks, and then I got to fucking start up again.

Speaker 1 Doesn't that suck how when you're kids, you go to school and you get every single summer off, and then once you graduate, it's like, oh, yeah, that's not what happens in life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You're all conditioned growing up.

Speaker 1 Every Christmas, some like somebody else buys you shit. Totally.
And then every summer, you just don't have to go to work. You don't have to do shit.

Speaker 1 It sucks being an adult and having to actually drive to work and be sweaty in the summertime. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, well, that's what I just realized.

Speaker 1 Like, I guess if you have a dumbass job, you don't have to work

Speaker 1 you know? And it's like, it might, maybe I won't have a job next year, but hey, fuck it. I lived like a schoolboy this year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was sick, dude.

Speaker 1 It was fucking, honestly, I'm still, I'm still got two more weeks. I'm excited for it.
I'm just going to fucking, I'm getting swole with my brother. By the way, I should pluck his shit.

Speaker 1 He's starting his own gym. That's the other thing.
I went to go spend time with my family. I'm helping my brother start a gym.
So it's actually pretty fun.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm doing other kinds of work that's not like, and it's going to be sick. Odyssey strength and conditioning if you're in fucking Maryland.

Speaker 1 Now, this obviously isn't the case, but it would be very funny if your brother looked exactly like you.

Speaker 1 He's fatter.

Speaker 1 Fat trainers would be some. There should be fat trainers.
Why not?

Speaker 1 That would be so fucking funny if you go into LA Fitness and there's just some like

Speaker 1 a hundred and you know a hundred-pound woman getting worked out by like a 450 a guy in a rascal scooter whose fucking one of his feet are missing with oxygen tape

Speaker 1 good job good job sweet another round i like the idea of having a realistic trainer, though. It's like, just spend two weeks with me and you'll be able to get it up if you take a virus.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, like, you'll be able to eat a full meal of chicken wings and not throw up before you leave the table.
Absolutely. The diarrhea will wait eight hours.
It won't be instant.

Speaker 1 That was another thing that was going on with me. Things I were eating were just coming out of my ass in 25 minutes.
Yeah, you

Speaker 1 like free fall.

Speaker 1 You texted me. You're like, I'm running 10 minutes late.
I had a very unfortunate timing with the shit right before I had to leave. And I was like, yeah, that's actually a normal excuse.

Speaker 1 Like, I didn't need all that information. You could have just been like, hey, 10 minutes late.
Yeah, yeah. Nah, dude, I tried to have some.

Speaker 1 I tried to chef up a little like a homemade bean bop, like the fucking Korean shit. I made a little Korean, I made like a little rice bowl for breakfast, and I was shitting it out

Speaker 1 within seven minutes, actually, in this case. I don't know what the fuck's going on with me.
I've got the opposite pro. I haven't shit in two days.

Speaker 1 And that's the point where it gets concerned. I'm going back.
I'm doing the math. I'm like, what did I eat two days ago?

Speaker 1 What's about to come out? Yeah, what's going to come out? Like, yesterday, it was spicy. Yesterday, well, I've eaten a lot of spicy stuff.
So

Speaker 1 I got home from work yesterday, went on the toilet just because out of routine. It's like, this is, I didn't even have to shit.
I just got home. I was just like, it's been a long day.

Speaker 1 I probably, something's going to fall out. I just sat there for like 10 minutes and nothing was happening.

Speaker 1 Like a dog waiting to get fed after daylight savings. And it's like, this is when I this is what I eat.
This is what I should. Just sit down on the toilet.
Something will happen.

Speaker 1 More stub in a minute.

Speaker 5 The pro football football show is presented by the Chevy Silverado, built for the hustle, ready for the game chevy silverado is america's most dependable full-size truck whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff the silverado is one ride that's always game ready just like football it's about grit grind and getting it done head to chevy.com to learn more and build your own chevy silverado okay back to stop um all right so we're gonna do the mount rush where we want to do a little nfl preview too let's do it um PFT thought of the idea, which was very good, like if we just go through the league, maybe help people with their fantasy.

Speaker 1 Love that. Using your theory about

Speaker 1 the coaches or quarterbacks that fuck the best. I love that.
And how they are going to perform this year. Yeah.
So I don't know where we want to start. I guess we will not do Deshaun Watson.

Speaker 1 The Cleveland Browns have been arrested as an organization.

Speaker 1 The Cleveland Browns have settled out of court. What a coincidence.
29 times. That guy is such a piece of shit.
And whoever the, the NFL can also suck my dick.

Speaker 1 And whoever that dumb bitch judge is, is like, six fucking games. The guy, he's a fucking, he's not, okay.

Speaker 1 They were like, he's not a rapist, technically, but it's like, all right, man, how about Deshaun Watson?

Speaker 1 Instead of getting, he should, before he plays a game, a guy should have to, he should have to be forced to watch a guy beat off on his thigh.

Speaker 1 And then he can play a game every, he can play one game every time he lets some stronger, richer man than him beat off on him against his will. How about that?

Speaker 1 Big Ben has to follow him around everywhere he goes and just jack off on his new job.

Speaker 1 We were talking about this on last night's show, but isn't it weird that a judge is like having to do the equation of like, okay, 25 women jacked off onto against their will.

Speaker 1 That sounds like about six games of football. Well, it's right.
You know, like, yeah, but you can't play football for six weeks.

Speaker 1 I also didn't fully realize, but the judge, it was kind of a power move by her because she just threw the NFL's language back in their face.

Speaker 1 She's like, it says right here, non-violent sexual predators are like six games is correct. Right.
So she just threw it right back at them and like, you figured that out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, proving that their whole shit, I I mean, the NFL has,

Speaker 1 you guys know this better than anybody. It's like, there's no fucking standards.
They just do whatever the fuck they want. No.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, it's like, all right, well, just because they're fucking dumb pieces of shit doesn't mean that you got to hold yourself to their standard. Right.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's like, and also fuck the Browns fans for being like, yeah, Deshaun.

Speaker 1 You need to wait a day. You need to wait a day.
You need to give it a day. You need to wait a lot longer than it did.
No, just saying, like, I only got 11 weeks to wait.

Speaker 1 Well, they all knew that that was like, the minute it was announced,

Speaker 1 everyone who follows sports was like, oh, the Browns must be pumped. Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean? Because

Speaker 1 they made a bet. Which six games.
And anytime, and that's the thing.

Speaker 1 Anytime you're like, I'm betting on a sex criminal getting a light sentence, that's the good thing that can happen for me. You're fucked.
But the bet paid off. That's the craziest part.

Speaker 1 They literally made a correct bet. Right, right, right.
Which is nuts. Yeah.
Anyone that's ever stolen. But it's also like betting on like Hitler to win World War II.

Speaker 1 It's like you won, but it's like now you're the rapist franchise.

Speaker 1 Congratulations. Who gives you? There's always got to be one in the

Speaker 1 MC North. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you know anything about like how that shit progresses too, yeah, he's not technically a rapist, but he's probably

Speaker 1 on his way there before he got caught. Yeah, like that deviant shit that he was doing.
Oh my God. That's not something that's...
This is him in his fucking 20s?

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is not something that just stops. You don't just wake up one day and be like, you know what? I'm sick of getting, you know, of jacking off on girls against their will.

Speaker 1 I think I'll just go back to normal sex now. Yeah.
That's not how it works. You just keep pushing those boundaries until you get to a very, very, very bad place.
100%.

Speaker 1 And also, this is how he behaved when he was a multi-millionaire quarterback star, hot as shit in his 20s. How does, that's not, that's not the height of your creepdom.
No.

Speaker 1 When he becomes like a fat fucking former player who's like money's gone, it's like, how do you think he's going to need to come then? You know what I mean? He's like, it's going to be fucked up.

Speaker 1 He's going to have a fucking,

Speaker 1 you know, he would have had a fucking basement, a fucked up basement. I'll tell you that much.
It is funny to think that AFC North has done a very good job of just passing the torch. 100%.

Speaker 1 Like Ray Lewis to Big Ben. Yeah, yeah.
Never to show. He's a quick.
Ray Lewis is a quick. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 And then the Ray ain't do nothing. And don't you dare put him in this fucking category.
And the Bengals have just been like a brush fire the entire time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. They're just so fucking horrible.
The AFC North has done it.

Speaker 1 They committed their crimes on the field. Like Vontez Berfick, right? He did all his shit out in the open.
What a name, by the way. Vontez Berfick.
Yes, yes. All right.
So, where do we want to start?

Speaker 1 Whispered around? Let's go AFC North. Okay.
Close to home. Stay there.
Stay there.

Speaker 1 Ravens number one, baby. Pay-to-man.
Pay the ball. Joe Burrow's number one.
Fuck you guys. That's not even close.
Fuck Joe Burrow. If you start Bluke, coolness and ability to pick up chicks in the.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 1 Joe Burrow is who Jack Harlow thinks he is. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 He's like, he is hot as shit. He's a fucker.
He's got great hair. He's got confidence.
That's real confidence, not fake confidence. True confidence.
Already got to a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 And yet, obviously, I cannot sit here and say that it's not going to be.

Speaker 1 You understand this. Yeah.
Philosophically, I just, I believe, even, it's like, I don't even, I can't even, Lamar is such a fucking weird guy. I can't even fathom how he fucks.
Yeah. Like

Speaker 1 him being his own, him being his own like fucking agent is weird, but it could be that kind of thing where it's like. A weird guy often has either he can't fuck at all or he has top shelf dick.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like you get like a fucking weird. I've had friends of mine who are like, I fucked some anime nerd and he fucking wore me out.

Speaker 1 And I'm kind of thinking Lamar's got he's so strange, but when he zeroes in on pussy, he goes fucking beast mode on it.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you can, if you can like find, you have to find somebody athletic enough to be his partner. That's true.
He was like, absolutely. He jeeps out of Pussy.
He's one of Aeron's shits.

Speaker 1 I love the idea that his wife is trying to fuck him. He's like, no, no, no.
He's like, played hard to get. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, one-stroke spin move.

Speaker 1 Spin move. Catch with this.

Speaker 1 I think that's exactly the analysis, though, because the Ravens have a very high floor-ceiling.

Speaker 1 Like, I could see the Ravens winning the AFC North, but they could also, like, they have a lot of turnover, and their offense doesn't look great right now. No, who's not?

Speaker 1 And then the Bengals are consistent. And then the Steelers, I mean, we're friends with Kenny and Mitch.
So

Speaker 1 fuck the Steelers. Kenny and Mitch can suck my dick and balls.
But they're right in the middle. They're right in the middle in fuck game, right? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But Kenny and Mitch, I think, will just give you a solid, like, quality start. Six innings, three-earned runs.
I say, you think you've got to take them both at the same time.

Speaker 1 So, in this situation, you have to be like, it's Kenny and Mitch double teaming. Kenny and Mitch double teaming.
Okay. Between them, they could satisfy one woman.
Yeah, yes, yes. Yes.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 I can see that. Tag each other in.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's go. I'm going to say that.
Mitch has the pussy wide open. He just throws it to the left.

Speaker 1 He puts his dick on her thigh. That hurts.
That hurts. I'm not going to laugh at that one.

Speaker 1 That hurts. She's got her her mouth open waiting for the cub shot.
It just goes behind her.

Speaker 1 I was open.

Speaker 1 I was open, man.

Speaker 1 You could have hit me right in the tonsils.

Speaker 1 It slipped out of my cock. What can I say?

Speaker 1 All right, so that's AFC North.

Speaker 1 Let's go AFC East. Okay.

Speaker 1 Mac Jones.

Speaker 1 Fuck. I hate that.
I also. No, no, sorry, not Mac Jones.
Zach Wilson. Zach Wilson is the answer.
Zach Wilson, the baby fucking. I mean, dude, he's the answer.
It is the answer. Salam Fox.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can tell Salah. He puts in work.
Absolutely. Salah.
You know what? Salah for sure.

Speaker 1 I think Sala is a guy that, like, he's probably been fucking the same person for 10 years, but knows exactly what makes them tick. Yep.
He's got a system. He's in, he's out.
He's efficient.

Speaker 1 He's efficient. But you're busting.
You're busting. He might even have a clipboard while he's fucking.
Absolutely. Being like, okay,

Speaker 1 all right. We did foreplay.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I will say what's nice about Salah and Zach Wilson is they fill in each other's gaps. You know what I mean? It's like Salah's a fucking veteran pussy getter.
Zach Wilson's the babyface. You know,

Speaker 1 he seems to be

Speaker 1 slinging that dick. He seems to be fucking MILFs.
Salah's right there with the, they got the ear. The earpiece is very important.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Because Zach Wilson has what he's got the physical tools, but he doesn't have the know-how. And I think with Salah in his ear,

Speaker 1 he's got a risk that he's a big year for the Jets. He's got to rip that.
I like that pick. I mean, Josh Allen is a friend of ours as well.
He's obviously probably a consummate fucker.

Speaker 1 No, Josh Allen is a. I think if you're betting on the highest ceiling of Dark Horse Jets.

Speaker 1 I can't, again, I don't hate him as much as the fucking Steelers, obviously, but I just cannot, I cannot bring myself to give the Patriots any sort of

Speaker 1 any sort of like, you know, compliments whatsoever. The one too much.
And also, you'll remember, I mean, the Ravens have played spoiler to them a lot of times.

Speaker 1 We've had a lot. We're like a sneaky rival of the Patriots that nationally people don't fucking talk about.
But like we fucked, we almost fucked up their undefeated season in the regular season.

Speaker 1 When we sucked, that was close. I fucking broke a dorm room cabinet where I was pissed off because I wanted us to win.
I remember exactly where I was, UMBC dorms, Patapsco, watching that game.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, we had, we've just, we've had a lot of battles with them, beat them in the playoffs. So I just can't bring myself to do it.

Speaker 1 Whatever the fuck they're doing with the offensive coordinators are weird. Yeah.
So you could have a lot of, there's a, there's a lot of miscommunication on fuck strategy, I think.

Speaker 1 Even if they have, even if they have the raw tools,

Speaker 1 they don't know. Are we eating pussy first? Are we going for the ass? You know what I mean? I think the wires might get crossed.
It's like, neither of those guys even know shit about offense.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is the guy's name?

Speaker 1 Matt Patricia. Patricia.
The beard. Cannot fuck.

Speaker 1 There's no chance Matt Patricia fucks. No.

Speaker 1 Pretends he does, has the aura that he does, but once his dick comes out, he's scared.

Speaker 1 That's what I said. Matt Patricia is like a guy that...
that absolutely loves porn.

Speaker 1 But he loves the cinematography of it, right?

Speaker 1 He likes watching it and he knows the history of it. He beats off too much to be good at fucking.

Speaker 1 He knows like all the best directors.

Speaker 1 He's taking notes. And then I think the Dolphins.

Speaker 1 But Steve Belichick, I actually think. Oh, yeah.
Well, he's got the tongue out.

Speaker 1 He's the rug doctor.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, nepotism, you know, it's like Bill fucks, but Doug Can his son fucks.
Right. We're not going to just let him fuck on name only.
Exactly. Right.
Exactly. Right.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Exactly.
We got to see it. And then Mike McDaniels in the Dolphins, I feel like he's a very very cool guy, but he strikes me as a guy who gets too high and forgets to fuck.

Speaker 1 And also their quarterback situation is a fucking mess. Tua, don't know.
Well, we're two and on. I'm a two-on-on.
You're two and on. I'm part of two and on.
Aren't they weirdly religious, too?

Speaker 1 Like, the Tua brothers, like, there's some kind of weird Christian, like, something fucked ups going on there. Definitely don't know how to fuck.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe when they're finally unleashed, maybe, you know, like, they'll go crazy like a kid, like an Amish kid in Rumspringer. You know what I mean? But, like,

Speaker 1 Tua doesn't know how to fuck. So they're bottom of the barrel as far as I'm concerned.
Tua just got married to his, I think, his college sweetheart, which is weird.

Speaker 1 He's far outside of college. Like, that just tells me that he's thinking, like, yeah, you know what? College was the best time that I ever had.
Oh, no, you're so right. Shit was awesome.

Speaker 1 So sell your fucking Tua stock.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 I want to play the field of, it's Miami.

Speaker 1 Like, he went to Miami, and then he's like, you know what? This girl I met in Alabama. I think that's her.

Speaker 1 Oh, she's so right. Fuck-wise,

Speaker 1 that's the the nail in the coffin. He's done, he'll be out of the league in two years.
Yeah, because if he married her right after, it'd be like, all right, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 Of course, yeah, to wait, divorce coming. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, yeah, Mike McDaniels, he does seem to me like he would, like, he would basically just be sitting on a couch so high, and the girl would be like, Hey, you want to do something?

Speaker 1 He's like, No, I'm watching Netflix right now.

Speaker 1 And then, next thing you know, he's falling asleep next to his bong, and you're like, All right, he's like, There's some interesting stuff going on about 9-11. I don't know if you've heard about

Speaker 1 it. She's like, I'm going to bed.

Speaker 1 I'm taking out the vibrator. I'm going to bed.
I can also see him getting domed out, though. Like, he's wearing a mask and just like chained up against a wall.
He's just getting witness.

Speaker 1 Not ever fucking, but just the guy that... Have you ever seen the videos of the dudes that just get like kneading the balls or pictures? Sure, sure.
Yeah, that's kind of like what I picture him just.

Speaker 1 Just get stepped on.

Speaker 1 But I think he's more go with the flow, though.

Speaker 1 I think there's other subs in the NFL.

Speaker 1 Like more, you know, more specific subs. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. AFC South.

Speaker 1 AFC South. I love Davis Mills.
We're Davis Mills guys.

Speaker 1 His long-ass neck. Long neck is a good sign.
Yeah. A lot of people get in there staring at him.
Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Trevor Lawrence, I don't think.

Speaker 1 No, there's some's wrong. Some's off there.
Doug Peterson, he fucks with the visor on. Yes, for sure.
And he's got... Doug Peterson is probably the top of my list for swingers.

Speaker 1 Like, he definitely seems like

Speaker 1 leave the garage door, crack open,

Speaker 1 come on in and get a hot tub.

Speaker 1 The whole fucking town's the whole cigar.

Speaker 1 I saw you looking at my wife's ticket stand.

Speaker 1 Give him a squeeze. Give him a squeeze, bro.

Speaker 1 The whole cul-de-sac is coming to Doug Peterson's house to get sucked and fucked. Without question.
Without question. He's got like seven different blenders in each room.

Speaker 1 Make it like, and here's my, this is my Thai room.

Speaker 1 He's got themed fuck rooms for sure.

Speaker 1 Because it's those guys that, like, you see them at like the, whatever, like the hedonism guys, the guys that go on these resorts where they're not in like great shape, but they were at one point.

Speaker 1 They were, yep. And you can kind of tell they got that confidence.
Like, I want a Super Bowl. Like, I'll I'll fuck all these chicks in front of my wife.
100%. And I'll have her get fucked too.

Speaker 1 And then we'll

Speaker 1 be happy, happily married.

Speaker 1 Four kids. Who cares? That's probably why he kept starting Nick Foles in Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 He was like, this dude fucks. Yeah.
Yeah. We're going to reward him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 His wife's picking up the kids from soccer prags was just full of Nick Foles' juice.

Speaker 1 My gosh, we're never going to get an interview with that after this. Fuck.

Speaker 1 And then Matt Ryan. Yeah, Matt Ryan is.

Speaker 1 Matt Ryan is Matt Ryan. You know what? Matt Ryan's like, he's really good at missionary.
Yep. Yep.
He likes you. No, he's the guy.

Speaker 1 It was actually what you were talking about with Sala, where it's like he fucks his wife well. Yeah.
And that's what we'll say about Matt Ryan.

Speaker 1 But he sees another, he sees a color nipple that he's not familiar with. He'll freak out.
Yeah, really. If his wife's nipples are hot pink and he sees a dark brown, he doesn't know what to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he goes on WebMD. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's been doing the same thing for a long time. He He does it well.
Any solid ad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. And then Frank Reich, I think Frank Reich is one of those guys that's so religious that they just don't fuck.
Sure. Yes.

Speaker 1 I think you're on the...

Speaker 1 And we'll come across a couple football guys like that for sure. Yeah, yeah.
And then AFC West is Vrabel. Oh, yeah, I mean, Vrabel is...
Until he cuts his dick off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 Vrabel, yeah.

Speaker 1 We increased him to talk about Vrabel because his wife is also a big fan of this show. Oh,

Speaker 1 well, you're a very lucky woman for now. Yes, yes, yes.
Until that's true.

Speaker 1 Mike. We love you and your family.

Speaker 1 Congrats. Congrats, absolutely.
On everything. Yep.
We know you fuck Mike.

Speaker 1 We know you lay Pike.

Speaker 1 He lays Pipe really well at first, then gets tired halfway through. It's like,

Speaker 1 all right, so AFC West,

Speaker 1 I don't know where, I mean, Russell Wilson's.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck knows? So interesting about him because I think it's like, obviously your initial knee jerk is he doesn't fuck, right?

Speaker 1 Obviously, the initial thing is like he's too much of a fucking loser. Yeah.
He wants to pretend he's cool. He can't actually fuck.

Speaker 1 But he, now let's, you know, he's been married to somebody who absolutely fucks. There's no way around it.

Speaker 1 He's like a nerd who's got, who's been tutored to learn how to crack. He watches YouTube videos on how to eat music.
Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 His wife is walking him through it.

Speaker 1 She's dexterous. She's athletic in her own right.
And even though he is a fucking loser, in the right context, he's cultural.

Speaker 1 He's cultural. He's highly cultural.

Speaker 1 He's going to move your leg here. And he's like, yes, yes, and he can do rubber.

Speaker 1 I think you're exactly right. I think he studies the comma sutra.
He'll try anything on.

Speaker 1 But when the rubber meets the road, he doesn't have that rhythm. He doesn't have

Speaker 1 anything. He'll get it in any position that you want him to be in.
He'll do an adequate job, but it's not, the passion's not.

Speaker 1 I actually think that Russell Wilson probably cares so much about doing a good job that he would invite his trainer to help him with him. Watch him fuck.
Yeah, Yeah, like, no,

Speaker 1 he's fucking

Speaker 1 just moving the hips forward. He's spotting it.
Like, all right, here you go. Yeah.
Yeah. Activate the glutes, right? Activate the glutes.

Speaker 1 Let your cheeks free. You're too much tension in the cheeks, Russ.

Speaker 1 And he's just in the room with him. And he's like, yeah, this is, I mean, hey, listen, we all came.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Remember when his hand was broken?

Speaker 1 He took those like dry reps on the practice field. He probably does that in front of the mirror, just like fully hard, no partner.
No partner. He's working on his absolutely.
Patrick Bateman style.

Speaker 1 But like a nice, benign Patrick Bateman. Of course, of course.
He could also just admit when he's not getting the job done, I think, and he would build an actual fuck robot to take his job.

Speaker 1 Ooh, you're so right.

Speaker 1 I don't think he has fuck ego. I think he has the in the rest of his life.
I think he cares about how he's perceived. Correct.
And I think in actual fucking,

Speaker 1 he will do whatever is necessary. Yes, he wants to win.
And he's been elevated sexually, he's been elevated with, you know, the, it's, it's Sierra's program. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, it's like, like, you know, like, like, fucking Andrew Wiggins gets to be an all-star this year because he's in with the Warriors.

Speaker 1 That's how he is sexual. He's got great teammates.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.
He's not the star.

Speaker 1 He's a sexual all-star, and even then, borderline, and it was all because of his wife. Right, if he had to carry his own team, it would be a lot of fun.
Forget about

Speaker 1 20 wins. Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, Mahomes. I mean, Mahomes, I think, can do anything.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He just can do anything. Absolutely.
It's like he is just so athletic that even though his swag levels are low, they're high. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's like, it's like, it doesn't make any sense, but he's just that gifted that he can fuck. Right.
I think, yeah, his

Speaker 1 abilities become his swag. He doesn't need any extra.
He doesn't have to work on anything else. Exactly.
He just knows. In fact,

Speaker 1 that's what Russell Wilson thinks is going on. Correct.
You know, it's like, but it's like, no, dude, sorry. This is a different level.
And then, of course, fucking my boy Andy. Andy.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 he's getting his nipples sucked.

Speaker 1 He hasn't been hard in 10 years, but he still comes soft. You know what I mean? It's like

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 Don't even consider penetrative intercourse, but he's doing everything else.

Speaker 1 He's a master tactician.

Speaker 1 He knows how to run a sexual offense. He's seen it all.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. Holmes can hit a come shot from across the room

Speaker 1 looking away.

Speaker 1 His dick behind his back somehow.

Speaker 1 Andy Reed doesn't need to be touched, really.

Speaker 1 He can just bother him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he can come hands free. Just done as yet.
His wife's like, I'm done. And he's like, okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so they're my pick.

Speaker 1 Even though they're loaded,

Speaker 1 the West is loaded. And then the whole, you know.
Derek Carr is, I don't know what he's. Nah, mid, mid.

Speaker 1 Again, similar to Matt Ryan, I think. Like, he's his generation's Matt Ryan, maybe, you know, basically.
It's not, yeah, it's not like, it's not a lack of effort.

Speaker 1 It's just, you know, there's limitations to everything. And you're fine.
Yeah. You're not even bad.
It's just like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 You just, something's missing. A little panache is missing.
I don't know what it is. Right.
But then fucking Herbert is fucking.

Speaker 1 Is that Herbert? Yeah, he's in that division, right? Yeah. Yeah.
That fucking kid fucks without question. I think he's like Jackrabbit.
I think he just goes like poundtown. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 he's young. He's really young.

Speaker 1 He's inexperienced. He might just be one of those guys that's like

Speaker 1 fast as possible. Still, though, if he wasn't in the division with, again, Andy and Mahomes are a one-two punch.

Speaker 1 You're not beating them, right?

Speaker 1 He's just being blocked by them.

Speaker 1 I do think he does play with some swag. I think he fucks with that similar swag.
He has all the tools to become an incredible fucker. Yes, absolutely.
Yeah, absolutely. The building blocks are there.

Speaker 1 Stamina. Without question.
Without question.

Speaker 1 Again, just a better version of Zach Wilson sexually.

Speaker 1 I will say that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. NFC.

Speaker 1 Star with the East. Yeah, we start with the East.
Star with the East. Okay, Dak.

Speaker 1 does that. He's doing that little, he fucks with that little warm-up movie.
Yeah, yeah. So just like

Speaker 1 side to side. He's really good, like spoon style.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes. Okay, so then we got, and then Mike McCarthy, that's a disaster.
McCarthy. He's got

Speaker 1 spilling on himself.

Speaker 1 I'm like, where the fuck did this mustard come from? And he's just like, he goes to eat pussy, trips, fucking chips a tooth on his wife,

Speaker 1 his wife's clit.

Speaker 1 He's got like a packet of ketchup in his pocket. It just blows up.
And he's like, wait,

Speaker 1 there's like a question. He's like, are you bleeding? Or am I bleeding? No, it's ketchup.

Speaker 1 He gets his foot stuck in a bucket. He disqualifies you, Cowboys.
You're so right.

Speaker 1 He's so bad. He might be the

Speaker 1 worst guy getting pussy in the whole league. He's the dude.
He's the infomercial

Speaker 1 where he's just splitting. He's in black and white.

Speaker 1 Spilling everything on the car. And then Andy Reid is the in-color version of him.

Speaker 1 There's got to be a better way.

Speaker 1 Andy Reid with a fucking vibrator, just like the most sophisticated vibrator you've ever ever seen. He's working it like a fucking maestro.
Like, yo, yo, ma plays a cello.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 All right, Eagles. Eagles.
We got an Eagles fan now. Bat girl over here.
Okay.

Speaker 1 She's an Eagles fan. I don't know, man.
The fucking.

Speaker 1 I think Siriati has, he's like drunk sex at the Jersey Shore. Yeah.
Yeah. Like, it's fun at the time.
But then later on, you're going to be like, that was, I could have done better than that.

Speaker 1 And absolutely.

Speaker 1 And then their quarterback situation, it's like you want to believe in what's his name Jalen Hurts you want to believe in him but then it's like a little too he now I'll say for Jalen even the dude squats like 650 pounds yeah so there's definitely power there definitely power but there's just

Speaker 1 to equate him quarterback wise it's just like it's a coin flip you're either going to really bust or it's going to be a bad night yeah like i feel like he would be he he's he jalen hurts is fucking powerfully but he just never hits the g spot yeah so it's like this could

Speaker 1 if you could just get it a little bit and you're tantalized yeah if you get a little over this would be the best sex in my life. But it's never coming, baby.
Right.

Speaker 1 Like, goddammit. Like, everything is right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you just can't find it.

Speaker 1 Absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 1 I think we nailed that one. That was absolutely correct.

Speaker 1 Even Batgirl, sorry, buddy.

Speaker 1 Carson Wentz, he doesn't fuck. No.
No.

Speaker 1 When he sprained both of his ankles. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think that was just a ploy for him to be like, I get to be on bottom for the next one.

Speaker 1 He's like, Yeah, I'm just gonna get blowjobs. Yeah, a big dick that's useless.

Speaker 1 That's harsh. He actually, yeah, he is a dude who probably gets blowjobs like, you know, like 10x what he gets.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. Where he's just like, oh, I gotta eat pussy.
And his website's like, I've blown you like seven nights in a row. He's like, yeah, but it's just so annoying.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I also think that anybody that's that into hunting, hunting's fine, but that dude fucking loves to kill birds. Right.
Like he goes on those hunting trips and he's got like 400 dead birds. I hate that.

Speaker 1 something

Speaker 1 something's weird about that because sex is a very primal thing and i feel like you're you're getting your nut off in a certain way with actual violence towards animals

Speaker 1 instead of fake violence towards your wife's pussy

Speaker 1 and then i think ron river is just a consummate pro yeah like he just does he he he's at one of those gets the job done i think he's got the transition lenses yeah when they turn to the sunglasses absolutely that means he's horny

Speaker 1 yeah you think it's triggered by the light but it's just pheromones something goes off against Cloudy. His wife knows.

Speaker 1 Ron Rivera also strikes me as a guy who, like, he knows he, he can't make passionate love, but he knows like how to get to the love type of area. Yes.

Speaker 1 Like, he's doing all the right things where it's like, we make love. Absolutely.
It's not the best love. It's not Fabio.
You have no complaints, though. Right, but it's love.
It's not sex. It's love.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.
It is love for sure. It's definitely love.
And then who are we forgetting?

Speaker 1 The Giants. Daniel Jones.
I think that's a good idea. That's bad, Daniel.

Speaker 1 Just slippery, tiny little hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, Daniel Jones.
Daniel Jones accidentally hits the butthole when he's trying to be a bad little sex.

Speaker 1 And she doesn't even care because his dick is so small.

Speaker 1 She's like, maybe I'll feel it this time.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 You have your pinky ass?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Giants stink for sure. Dable, I think Dable can fuck though.
Yeah, no, Dable can fuck. Okay.

Speaker 1 I think bald dudes, people that shave their heads, there's something about it where it's like, that guy, he's been around pussy. Yeah, yeah, I'm not as familiar with Dable.

Speaker 1 I just, I just always think about the Giants just not knowing what they're doing. Yeah, and as a just like, by default, they're not going to fuck good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, NFC South. I guess we should start with Brady.
I mean,

Speaker 1 he definitely fucks.

Speaker 1 It sucks to say, but he fucks.

Speaker 1 He fucks and gets it. He's annoying and he fucks.
He's really good. Because he also, he's similar.

Speaker 1 He's like almost a better version of Russell Wilson, where like he will, if he does something wrong, he will fix it the next fucking. Yeah.
Like, oh, I made that mistake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this, I will never make this mistake. Yeah, and he doesn't eat carbs.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, so it's like it's not only sex, but it's hot sex.
Yeah, yeah. Like,

Speaker 1 he's getting a lot of his calories from pussy juice. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 He's on a strict diet. So he's eating pussy out of hunger, too.

Speaker 1 He's satiating him.

Speaker 1 He's probably like isolated the enzymes. Like on certain days, he makes Giselle take her temperature.
He's like, okay, this is high quality. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 This is going to actually improve my joint elasticity if I get down on that that beaver. And when Giselle really wants, she'll just rub a Snickers on her pussy for a second.
And

Speaker 1 he has that sugary ear. She's like,

Speaker 1 he's a dog licking a spoon in the front of his mouth.

Speaker 1 You know, when your dog literally just licks everything,

Speaker 1 licking the air

Speaker 1 even before he gets to it, he's licking the air. Yeah, he's like simulating it.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 the only thing about Tom is like, he probably still remembers the mistakes that he's made fucking. Oh, 100%.

Speaker 1 Photographic memory. It probably drives him to be great, but every now and again, you know, he gets pissed off out of himself.
Sure, sure. God damn it, Brady looking in the mirror with like

Speaker 1 a beautiful body.

Speaker 1 But he still sees that fucking Wolverine, flabby, weird motherfucker in the mirror. Yeah, he's just

Speaker 1 the power shout.

Speaker 1 He's like, this guy sucks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, when he's fucking, he's thinking about how bad he used to be. Yeah, fucking.
Yeah, yeah. Who started in front of him? Was it fucking

Speaker 1 Henson?

Speaker 1 Not Chad Henry. And yeah, he's like saying the name, whatever the Brady says.
Everyone who was Cheeto or whoever the guy's name is.

Speaker 1 Fucking, I don't even remember his name. You tamper 100.
Like these guys, fucking watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's just a little bit of a bunch of people.

Speaker 1 He's got drone footage of them fucking their wives. And he's like, I have to fuck better than them.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Jameis definitely. I mean, unfortunately, yeah, we can just fast forward past Jameis.
Jameis for Jameis guys. But we'll skip past that.
I mean, Jameis fucking has got to be like slapstick combo.

Speaker 1 Betty Hill music is just playing the whole time.

Speaker 1 He actually turns around backwards and just jammed his butt on it 100%.

Speaker 1 Who's oh, Marcus Mariota? Is that the starting cornerback for the Falcons? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think it's Mariota. I feel like

Speaker 1 Hawaiians, they fuck. Yeah.
Like point blank. I think Mariota is a guy that you think is going to turn you out, and it's just not.
And he's got

Speaker 1 his cocka looks nice. Yeah.
You see it, and you start salivating.

Speaker 1 Just a beautiful golden brown seven and a half yeah and you're like i cannot wait and he just goes soft his rhythms off it's just like but it's the tools are there again the tools are there's

Speaker 1 yeah right he kind of was jalen hurts before jalen hurts it should work and it does work sometimes but not always like he's never perfect yes yes yes and he'll fuck it up big time and then baker and sam darnold i mean sam darnold like Mono.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Mono.

Speaker 1 He can't even get to the fuck part. Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 He's stuck making out with girls in hobos. Yeah, yeah.
He'll kiss you and then he'll pass out. And I think Baker is a very, a guy who is skilled, but his dick is four and a half inches.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's like he's trying so hard,

Speaker 1 but it's just like he, you know, he's just, he's limited by

Speaker 1 his ability to read the pussy. He's limited.
Effort's always there. I won't even say four and a half.
I'll say five and I'll put him in where my dick is, five and three quarters.

Speaker 1 Whoa, you're five and three quarters? I don't want to brag. That's a brag.
Yeah. That's a legit brag.

Speaker 1 The fuck. I'm a five and three quarters.
What can I say? You know, six ones. I've said it before, six on its tippy toes.

Speaker 1 If I really want to stretch it, if you shave.

Speaker 1 If I shave it. You shave it.
You do that thing where you push it. Oh, the hand push.
Yeah, get the leg pick. You push it all over.
You got to get the hand push.

Speaker 1 In fact, actually, here's what we should do.

Speaker 1 You guys are into merchandising and shit like that. We need a fucking, like, some kind of girdle almost.
No, you know what it is? With pubes on top of it. Yeah.
That pushes it back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's when you have to take an x-ray, the lead vest. Yeah, we need the lead vest for your cock.
But it looks like pubes. Yeah, right.
So it looks like it's pushed in.

Speaker 1 You're right. So it's auto-in it.
Yeah. It's sticking out.
It's like almost like your dick is in a guillotine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. That's genius.
We need that.

Speaker 1 It's a lead vest underwear. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Flesh colored

Speaker 1 has pubes. You got a belt that ties around the back.
Yeah. Strap it in real tight.
You got to tie it. Corset.
You just got to. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Listen, I need 40 points on that back. Your balls start sticking out like two extra inches

Speaker 1 from your body. It's like, well, this guy's got the longest balls I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 All right, where are we at?

Speaker 1 NFC North. NFC North.
And Rogers definitely. Rogers.

Speaker 1 He's sting.

Speaker 1 He's fucking for four days straight. Yep.
And he's got something to prove. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He used to just lazily fuck, but now it's like, I got something to fucking prove. I was going to leave.
I'm still here. So he's got a fucking, he's got a, he's got

Speaker 1 spasms. It's everything.

Speaker 1 Oh, Oh, yeah, yeah, he's he started fucked like a champ. You're busting.
He's eating pussy. You're not like, he's not stopping till you bust three times.
Right. Then he's digging you down.

Speaker 1 Then for a while, he was like, Look, I'm fucking, I'm, I'm not eating pussy. I'll finger pop you till you come, but that's it.
You know, he was lazy with it. Of course, had to deal with the sexual,

Speaker 1 he had to deal with Mike McCarthy. The sexual follies, you know,

Speaker 1 sexual follies of Mike McCarthy. That's what he said.
You know, that's a TV I'd watch.

Speaker 1 The sexual follies of Mike McCarthy.

Speaker 1 So he got a little disillusioned. Yeah.
And now he's back. He's been studying weird shit.
He's got a hot boy calling the plays now with Metal.

Speaker 1 It's not just McCarthy when he got there. He was backing up Brett Favre.

Speaker 1 You had like a four-inch stick. And he's over there, like, why is this motherfucker starting in front of me?

Speaker 1 And then if you notice, like, the girls that he's dated, they get crazier and crazier. Yeah, he's into some other weird shit.
He's seen, he has forgotten more about sex than Oliver No. Right, right.

Speaker 1 But he's also like searching for like the next

Speaker 1 triumph that he hasn't even tasted yet. He's just laying there like

Speaker 1 with his legs crossed making her come. She's just sitting on his lap.
He's not even doing anything. Yeah, yeah.
He's got a fucking rose quarter. He's got a crystal butt plug in.

Speaker 1 He's into some weird crystal shit now. He's aligning his cock chakras.

Speaker 1 You did get the crystals from Danica. Oh, there you go.

Speaker 1 One of the weirdest moments on this podcast is when I showed her the, have you ever seen The Crowds of Sad? Yeah, the guy with the jerk off energy? I showed that. He showed that to Danica Patrick.

Speaker 1 And she's like, what? she's big into crystals and we're like so like you ever seen this guy

Speaker 1 is he at the crystal shop y'all seeing a witch that's got to be crazy too some something's fucked up sexually so anytime a man in his mid to late 30s starts to lose his mind he which it does appear is going on halfway with rogers got the hair got the fucking that tat that tattoo says i'm open i'm open to any orifice you want to play with you know what i mean it's like i'm i'm a fucking uh he's he's good he's gonna get get into some freaky shit.

Speaker 1 So it does, unfortunately, Big Cat. I hate to say this to you.
It is, it is, it is Rogers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, Justin Fields is like, I don't even know if you can, I don't even know if we can say how he fucks his, like, who the fuck knows? We don't, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's a vegan, so it's like, that's that's never vegan quarterback's not good. Yeah, no, it's very bad.
Yeah. Yeah.
And that makes me nervous. Kirk Cousins is like vegan adjacent.
Oh, Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 1 The Kirk Cousins on the grill. He wears three condoms.
Yeah, I was just going to say.

Speaker 1 And she's got the dental dam or whatever in it, too.

Speaker 1 It's a max protect.

Speaker 1 They've both just showered. He always needs max protect.
That's actually true.

Speaker 1 Clean sheets, shower. Clean sheets, shower, three condoms, and a dental dam.

Speaker 1 No flavor whatsoever going on in that fuck session.

Speaker 1 He's getting had with a condom on it.

Speaker 1 He's been married for 10 years. We've got to be safe.
We've got to be saved.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. And then, yeah, Jessica Fields, I don't think, does whatever.
I'm rooting for him. I actually do.
Thank you. I I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 But I'm also admitting, it's more, I've said it before, but like, I think he could be a great quarterback, but he's not going to do it with the Bears. Right.

Speaker 1 Because they're just not going to set him up to

Speaker 1 be successful.

Speaker 1 It's like sometimes when people go through who the Knicks could have drafted, and it's like, if he comes, if he comes to the Knicks, he's fucked.

Speaker 1 He's a Curry whose ankles would have broken in the first year that he was in New York.

Speaker 1 That's just a fact. Yeah, yeah, without question.
And then Goff is a good friend of ours. I'd say he just fucks.
He has great sex. Yeah, I think fucks.
Incredible. I think Goff fucks.
Best sex.

Speaker 1 Dan Campbell fucks. Oh, Oh, Dan Campbell.
Dan Fuck. Dan Campbell fucks.

Speaker 1 It gets bad. Dan Campbell's, he injured.
His wife's in an ice bath

Speaker 1 after he fucks her.

Speaker 1 Imagine him just like, he literally is biting her kneecaps. She's like, can you just go up a little?

Speaker 1 She's had to have her labia reattached.

Speaker 1 When we say eat pussy, Dan Campbell literally eats her pussy.

Speaker 1 They probably compete. It's like, okay, only one of us is going to come.
So we're going to try to make the other one come.

Speaker 1 Iron Shepherd's iron.

Speaker 1 Kevin O'Connell, the coach of the Vikings, there's no film out there. No, so we don't know.
I just assume that. I don't even know who that guy is.
So he comes from like the McVeigh

Speaker 1 tree, all that stuff. Okay.
I put him in the ranks of like a dude that you hear from your friends in high school, like the best way to eat pussy, spell the alphabet. Right.
Like lowercase.

Speaker 1 That's the trick to it. And then he's going to absolutely.
busting. He's getting farther down McVay

Speaker 1 sexual fucking like the directions. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. All right.
So now we got to go where NFC South. No, we did NFC South.
NFC West is our last one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Speaking of McVay, we've covered him before. Yeah.
McVay. NFLs might a little too, maybe a little too vain.
Yeah. Maybe you look him in the mirror too much, loses sight of the pussy.

Speaker 1 But he's definitely good. McVay definitely, actually, the NFC West, like, because Kingsbury and McVay are very similar.

Speaker 1 Like, they definitely have the mirrors on top of the bed so they can watch themselves fuck. They have mirrors everywhere.

Speaker 1 He's doing push-ups before he fucks so he looks hotter to himself in the mirror. Yeah, their bedroom is just a fun house.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's got to be vascular when he fucks. He's got to see his own veins when he fucks.
McVay's like one Super Bowl away from piercing both his nipples

Speaker 1 and just staring at him the whole time. Frosted tips and just we can see the piercings through the polo.

Speaker 1 Dude, McVay,

Speaker 1 if McVay goes Puomo on us next season, dude,

Speaker 1 that would be sick.

Speaker 1 McVay has like daddy energy, but he's not old enough yet. Yes.
You're so right about that.

Speaker 1 We got to pierce those nips. I know the Super Bowl, their next Super Bowl ring will be nipple rings.

Speaker 1 There's fucking 80 carats on fucking weighing his nipples down.

Speaker 1 All right, so, I mean, Kyler, not to be like so on the point, but like he definitely, he definitely has a girlfriend who's like, we stopped playing video games. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The whole time.

Speaker 1 I randomly saw that guy. I was in Texas.
Is he from Texas? I don't know. This was a couple years ago.
I was just getting breaks with like a childhood friend and moved there.

Speaker 1 And he was like, I think that's Kyle Marie. I was like, there's no way that's Kyle.
That guy's fucking,

Speaker 1 he is so much littler than you think he's going to be. And he's sick.
He's good at fucking, he's good at football.

Speaker 1 And I do think similarly, he's kind of what I said about Baker. He's sort of like the turbo baker, where it's like, you know, he's limited by his

Speaker 1 body type sexually, but also just like attention span in his.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, he like his girlfriend is definitely like doing like, you know, very like incredible like walks in front of the TV with the lingerie. lingerie,

Speaker 1 getting like more and more naked. Of course, and he's like, No, we gotta like,

Speaker 1 we're in the gulag right now. Like, I'll fucking deal with it in a minute.
And then he goes in and he fucks for like five minutes. He's like, back to the stand.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think she'd be really into chicks that are like six foot three. That would be good.
And he's just eating her pussy standing on his feet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and she's trying to, she's got like one leg over his shoulder.

Speaker 1 That sounds awesome, dude. Yeah, they're doing the standy standing 69, but she's standing.

Speaker 1 She's holding him upside down. That would be sick, dude.
I hope he dates like a female wrestler.

Speaker 1 China rests in peace.

Speaker 1 She's walking around with him strapped to her belly like it's a Bjorn.

Speaker 1 He's in a baby Bjorn. He's got his big down.

Speaker 1 They're fucking like that.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Pete Carroll.

Speaker 1 Crystal clear for me. I think Pete Carroll has great, like,

Speaker 1 probably the best sex of any NFL head coach. But in my mind, he's having sex with like a beautiful female version of exactly Pete Carroll.

Speaker 1 Peter Carroll strikes me as it has great sex, but it's like birthdays and anniversaries only. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, all right, today's, you know, like, but I do think he'll randomly get in the mood. It's birthday and anniversary, and then sometimes something will hit Pete.

Speaker 1 When he's sitting in like a Cialis tub. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. I just think if

Speaker 1 you're like

Speaker 1 a hot 50-year-old woman, just watching Pete Carroll chew gum would get my pussy ass. Oh, yeah.
He's a big time shit. Treat my fucking Clinton like that.
Like that piece of double bubble.

Speaker 1 They're fucking in the rain. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's still got the raincoat on top, but nuts on the bottom. Just hunched underneath.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, intense nuts.

Speaker 1 Drew Locke, I feel like Drew Locke just fucks like

Speaker 1 a junior frat guy. Yeah.
Or he's just like, he comes really fast. He's like, it's just because you're so hot.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You nailed him. Absolutely.
He's like, I can go again in 10 minutes. Yeah, give me a sec.
Give me a sec. Absolutely.
Back out there. Yeah, he goes.
He crushes like a protein shake.

Speaker 1 He's like, I'm ready to go.

Speaker 1 I got my electrolytes. I'm ready to fuck again.
He's Billy. He's Billy.

Speaker 1 Julot definitely texts all his friends from college after he has sex.

Speaker 1 He's like, just fuck this guy. Nothing much in the battle.

Speaker 1 He's got a lot of money.

Speaker 1 He and his boys have the notes app of a running tower. Absolutely.
Yeah, it says kill count.

Speaker 1 He knows to the person how many chicks he's had sex with. 276.

Speaker 1 And he's like, while he's at the bar, not even while he's fucking, while he's at the bar, he's thinking about texting his boys.

Speaker 1 He wishes he could fuck his friends, and he has to use women as the conduit for sexual love between him and his fucking lifting partner. Sex is very much secondary to the text app.

Speaker 1 And he's like, you know, he's got like a nice house. He calls it the Boneyard.

Speaker 1 He's still standing at the Boneyard. He's got fucking Tito's bottles on his cabinets.

Speaker 1 Oh, no bed frame, just a box spring right on the car. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Without question, that's exactly who he is. I think the last we got is we got the Niners.
Kyle Shanahan. Kyle Shanahan is definitely a tactician.

Speaker 1 He's good. He's good.

Speaker 1 I like Jimmy G's game. A lot of people disrespect Jimmy G because of the whole porn star thing.
Sure. He took her on a date.
Like, what a gentleman. No, Jimmy G.
He didn't have to do that.

Speaker 1 He took her out to like Jimmy G. Yeah.
Jimmy G fucks. And he's also so hot that like every, like, he doesn't have to do a lot.
And they're not even mad. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 1 you know what i mean like if if i don't make a woman come i'm hearing about it right

Speaker 1 jimmy g ain't getting any complaints like they're waking up next to jimmy g and they're like this is my life this is awesome yeah yeah yeah it doesn't matter yeah whatever you want to say he is definitely better at sex than he is at being a quarterback and he's a solid quarterback yeah he's a solid quarterback i think jimmy g has he's got like a very intricate scheme of plans whenever he brings a girl home because he always has like a second girl that he also wants to fuck.

Speaker 1 Right. So like he'll have sex and then he'll come up with a reason like, oh, you got to go because like I got a house cleaner coming in.
Right. She goes out.

Speaker 1 The other girl passes her in the hallway on the way into his apartment. He's like, okay, let's go.
Or he even, he doesn't even fucking care.

Speaker 1 He's just got women are in there like they're ready, waiting for an audition.

Speaker 1 He's got a lobby in his house for a pussy lobby. He's got a deli machine.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 1 All right, so that was great. That was good.
I feel good. I think we get, yeah.

Speaker 1 Again, we're not going to put any of these clips out in social because we do want to do interviews again. Right, right.
But this is for everyone who's listening to the channels

Speaker 1 or watching on YouTube. Yeah.
This was a fantastic segment. And it's a Super Bowl champion, Kansas City Chiefs.
Yeah, from what we've gone through. It's going to be Chiefs versus who in the NFC?

Speaker 1 Who do we decide fucks the best? Is it going to be Brady? I think it is. I think it is.
We kind of came to that conclusion, right?

Speaker 1 Or Rogers, unfortunately, big cat. Cover your ears.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Just purely fuck-wise. He's going to win another.
I know it. Yeah.
Because it's just, it's going to kill me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's going to win another because that's like the the whole art like i love just being like if you have one super bowl you have none yeah yeah yeah but it's like no he's gonna win yeah falls here kids are back in school vacations are over and cozy season is officially on you know what that means bombas season is on bombas makes the most comfortable socks ever and they even make slippers tees underwear all crafted from premium materials perfect for this time of year and cozying up for football watching their slippers are also sherp aligned which feels like you're walking on the clouds Bombus really has it all.

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Code audio at checkout. There's more stav.

Speaker 1 All right, so should we do the Mount Rushmore? Let's do fun. So what did you, I brought like famous breakups.
See, I brought like... What'd you bring? Famous breakups? Yeah.
Yeah. Ah, fuck.

Speaker 1 I brought like ways to get broken up with. Okay.
I brought like, you know, okay. You know what I mean? I might have been confusing.
Do you want it to take a second and think of famous breakups?

Speaker 1 I think we're just going to have to have a disjointed Mount Roche. Okay, all right, that's fine.
Yeah, that's fine. That's great.

Speaker 1 I think we're going to have you guys naming stuff that you hated that broke up, and I'm going to have like ways that devastated you. Okay.
You got broken up with. Okay.
All right. So you start.

Speaker 1 I'll go second. PFT will go third, and we'll come back around.

Speaker 1 So, Mount Russell. You guys start since my.
We're not really competing. All right, okay.
I'll start.

Speaker 1 I'll go 1-1. Come down.
Okay. That's fair.
It's fair. Easy.
Yeah, yeah. Easy.
Broke everyone's heart. Sorry to do it.
I mean,

Speaker 1 what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I have no explanation.

Speaker 1 You did get the nice,

Speaker 1 like, D's and Merrow breaking up right after. Right.
Helped you a little bit. He took a little heat off me.
He took a little heat off me. Something was in the air.
Yeah. Something was.

Speaker 1 If you believe in crystals and all that kind of shit, maybe there was something in the air. Yeah, PFT and I actually had to have one of those talks.
Like, are we okay?

Speaker 1 Like, are we good?

Speaker 1 Is this marriage still working out? But you know what?

Speaker 1 The inkling of doubt is in there. And that's hard to get out.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 What's the Adam Driver movie, the fucking marriage story? Yeah, marriage story. Yeah, if you watched that with your wife or girlfriend, you definitely walked away being like, wait, are we good?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, that was heavy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everybody's got like a couple that they look at and they're like, oh, they'll never break up.

Speaker 1 Then you find out they did, and that's what makes you think, oh, shit. Like, if it happens to them, it's going to happen to them.
Of course, of course, of course. Exactly.
All right.

Speaker 1 So, PFD, your next one.

Speaker 1 This is kind of a sneaky one i've got matt damon and mini driver oh

Speaker 1 because everyone wanted them to be together after

Speaker 1 the single couple yes you remember how they broke up no this is the craziest part i think i do he goes on oprah and oprah asks him like so how are you and minnie doing and he was like oh i'm single now And Minnie didn't know.

Speaker 1 She found out via his interview on Oprah

Speaker 1 that he was dumping her. That's brutal.
Damn. Poor damn.
That is brutal.

Speaker 1 And there is always like whenever a relationship happens, like, you know, Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anderson after the breakup, like when they started dating, everyone's like rooting for it in real life.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So it's an extra little, uh.
Of course. They were, they were cute.
And that movie's great. You want, you want that movie to be real.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It's like your dumb brain is like, but. Like Star is Born.
Yeah, yeah. When Bradley Cooper and Lady Gagatt performed at the Oscars.
Of course. They were fucking, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, it was definitely.

Speaker 1 If I was their respective, significant others, I would be pissed off. They would have been.
Yeah. I mean, that was more than sex.
Yeah. That was mental sex.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, like they were, that was very in the moment.

Speaker 1 All right, so you now have ways to break up. This is like, yeah, just devastating breakups that you've gone through, or like a way to get broken up with.
It's devastating.

Speaker 1 Okay, this, you know, we'll start, we'll start sports-themed. Getting murdered, suicided by your mistress in the spare condo you rented specifically to get somebody in.
Yeah, we're talking about it.

Speaker 1 Steve McNair, yeah, R.I.P. That was bad Tuesday.
That was July 4th.

Speaker 1 Remember, I remember, I think it was raining in Chicago, and it was like, oh, this already sucks. And it was like, Steve McNair got shot and killed.
It was like, whoa.

Speaker 1 This is a bummer of a July 4th.

Speaker 1 July 4th. Steve McNair had gone from our enemy with the Ravens to he was there for the last couple years.
And that cocksucker, fucking Peyton Manning, I thought we were going to beat him.

Speaker 1 He beat us at home.

Speaker 1 That broke my heart.

Speaker 1 But as far as breakups go,

Speaker 1 your mistress killing you is pretty. That's bad.
That's bad. That's bad.
I'm going to say that's bad. She was like a hostess at the Cheesecake Factory, too.
Yeah, I'm gonna say that's bad.

Speaker 1 He thought he had the deal of a lifetime. He thought he was good to go.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's bad. That's bad.
Yeah, you don't want that.

Speaker 1 If you could avoid something, that would be one thing to do. I would say not wanting it.
Yes, absolutely. Yes, okay, good one.
There's a snake back around. Yeah, go to it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, then I'll just stay with. I'll stay with this.
One kind of applies to

Speaker 1 this is going to be very funny, too. When we list this out, and Stop's got first pick, fucking Steve McNair getting murdered.

Speaker 1 That's a bad breakup. That's a bad breakup.
All right. This one's sort of a place is between ours, and it's,

Speaker 1 let me see here.

Speaker 1 Getting your cock chopped off and thrown into a field. The combat breakup.

Speaker 1 Your wife chopping your dick off and throwing it into a field.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say right now, you've won this mouth last night.

Speaker 1 And then they're just saying cops like walking through the field. Looking for his dick.
Like a fire line, like shoulder to shoulder. Keep your dick.
Key your dick.

Speaker 1 and then when they can't find your dick that's also insulting too of course my dick's so small i will say i like you gotta bring out dogs to find your dick oh and then what if it gets hungry what if the dog chews it yes yes there's no cock sniffing dog if it finds it it's gonna think it's food yes yes okay good pick good pick thank you all right okay so for my second one i'm gonna go uh way back in the day Joseph and Mary.

Speaker 1 Ooh. They were betrothed to be married.
And then Mary was like, hey, so I'm pregnant. He's like, what do you mean? And she's like, Well, it's God's.

Speaker 1 I didn't fuck anybody, but like, you got cucked by God, God busted in. So, you're going to be noticed, like, you're going to be known throughout history as the biggest cuck of all time.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes, that's a tough one because it's like now it's like, you know, he's this fuck, you know, he's in, he's a major figure in one of the biggest religions ever.

Speaker 1 But in that village, they're like, Oh, yeah, oh, God fucked your bitch.

Speaker 1 Okay, he's in the bar. He's like, Yeah, so Mary's pregnant, but uh, like, it's God's.
Yeah, it's God's. Yeah.
Yeah. Sure, yeah, no.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Charge on me. How bad was he at fucking? That's it.
Yeah. And how low was his self-esteem where he's like, okay,

Speaker 1 yes, it's God.

Speaker 1 And then you have to raise Jesus as a stepdad. Yeah, he gets a stepdad to Jesus.
Brutal. With zero parents in experience.
Yeah, he's like, you're not my real dad.

Speaker 1 Don't cheese. You don't push this one up.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll go back even farther than you then. Okay.

Speaker 1 How about Pangea? Kind of fucked everything up.

Speaker 1 How much of the world's problems would have been solved if we all just lived on the same fucking stupid continent? It's like saying it's all together.

Speaker 1 Cops need to live in the neighborhoods that they police. Yeah.
Like we wouldn't be getting into these wars in the Middle East if we had to go over there for a barbecue every now and again. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 We just all live on this fucking piece of land. It's all together.
I'd love it. And then how cool would it be if you're just like, yeah, I'm going out to the ocean.
It just goes forever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be fine. Forever, all the way.
Like, it takes you fucking forever to go all the way back. Totally.

Speaker 1 Take a road trip to China for dumplings. Yeah, right.
I mean, yeah. That would be up in the car.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's fucking go see it. Yeah, that would be fucking awesome.
And then, like, the reverse, like Chinese people being like, hey, let's go see fucking Iowa play Nebraska. All right.
Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 I think time zones really do separate us as like a globe. Yeah.
Like it's crazy to think about, but for most of the world right now, it's night outside. Yes.

Speaker 1 Light here. We're never on the same page.
Yes. Yes.
All right. My next pick.
This one I just personally love because it gave us so much content.

Speaker 1 Bill and Melinda Gates breaking up and the fact that we got like the Melinda was like, hey, I can't be with a guy who's like hanging out with Jeffrey Epstein.

Speaker 1 Then we got the story about how Bill every year gets like a weekend to fuck his childhood sweetheart, which is the weirdest thing. Wait, really? Yeah, you know that?

Speaker 1 Dude, Bill Gates is such a fucking loser.

Speaker 1 He could have any girl in the world. And his wife gave him a hall pass and he fucked someone his exact same age.
Brutal. Brutal.

Speaker 1 I'm going to push back on that because I actually don't think that Bill Gates could get anything besides his high school girlfriend. What are you talking about? He's got money.
Have you seen him?

Speaker 1 Doesn't matter. It's true.
Money buys everywhere. I think he might be the exception for it.
It looks like it's freaking out. I mean, we're not saying it's going to be cheap.
No. But he's going to get

Speaker 1 absolutely not. He's going to get 10 million.
He could be like, this is like me. If he gave me $100 million, I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 You don't think like, you know, Alyssa Milano, just picking one random lady would be like... Or he just sees someone on TV? Like, isn't that what happened with fucking Prince Harry?

Speaker 1 He literally was watching suits and he was like, I'd like to fuck that lady. I want to marry her.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because she looks like shit. Bill Gates could do that with just

Speaker 1 a billion dollars. Literally, one.
He could pay a woman a billion dollars to suck him off. And instead of saying no.

Speaker 1 Instead, he was like, yeah, remember that, you know, when I was 16 and we kissed underneath the bleachers?

Speaker 1 I'm going to fuck you. But she's also 70.

Speaker 1 Those stories that came out are just so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 Money is wasted on those fucking nerds. Wasted.
Like you have no imagination. And listen, Bezos can suck my dick.
He's a piece of shit. He should pay his fucking workers a living wage.

Speaker 1 But he got yoked and he's on a fucking boat with high-class prostitutes.

Speaker 1 That's a little better. I'll give him that.
He's spending his money. He's a little better.
He's an imagination. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The fucking space shit is fucking stupid, but at the very least, you're having a good time on a boat, even though he's not enjoying it because you can tell he's pretending.

Speaker 1 You throw me on a boat with a bunch of fucking models you bought, you know, you like fucking paid to be there. I'm having a good time.
Yeah, no, he's he's on a boat. But he's not.

Speaker 1 He's on a boat with like a bunch of beautiful women, and he's like, I really wish I was just in my office figuring out how I could squeeze an extra cent out of every fucking transaction.

Speaker 1 How to find employees for pissing longer than 30 seconds. I think he's on a boat because he's like,

Speaker 1 I feel like I should be on a boat. Exactly.
With these hot shits. Exactly.
Exactly. With the amount of money.

Speaker 1 So I guess I've kind of turned around on it because Bill Gates understands he wouldn't be able to do it. He's like, this is the only other pussy I'd like.

Speaker 1 This old pussy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the part that just blows my mind. Where he's like, I know, you know how gross you are when you're 70 years old.
Oh, yeah. You see it every day, but then I want another 70.
Then again.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, we're not talking he should go 18. That's creepy.
But like 55. Yeah.
You know, like, yeah, yeah. Like, maybe like a

Speaker 1 instructor on Instagram. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Age-appropriate. Not a secretary he jacked off to in fucking middle school.
Right, right, exactly. Yeah.
All right, your next pick.

Speaker 1 All right, my next pick, Mount Rushmore breakups, the Space Shuttle Challenger.

Speaker 1 That's one. RIP.
That's one. That's a tough one.

Speaker 1 I mean, everybody, it was on the news, like, live. It was very much tough.
That must have been crazy to watch. Very much.
I feel like we can joke about it because I don't remember watching it.

Speaker 1 I think that's the difference in what you're allowed to joke about. Right, right.
Like right now, if we have like a 55-year-old listening, they'll be like, oh, that's fucked up. How dare you?

Speaker 1 But we do talk about it a lot to this day. Right.
Like Pearl Harbor, I don't give a fuck at all. And it was like some old lady's the worst day of her life.
Right. You know what I I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Right.
And that's how zoomers have even more fun with 9-11. Like, a Zoomer will go up to like somebody,

Speaker 1 who's, you know, they'll go up to Pete Davidson and be like, 9-11 was fucking hilarious.

Speaker 1 They don't give a fuck. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 That's a good one.

Speaker 1 All right. You got two more picks.
Two more picks. Okay.
What other horrific thing are you going to? I'm going to say your

Speaker 1 partner coming out of the closet is a bad breakup. Okay.
Because you can't, what are you going to do? Right. You know what I mean? It's like you want to be support.
Like, this happened when

Speaker 1 his name Collins came out of the closet, the NBA player, Jason Collins. Oh, yeah, Jason Collins.
And it was like, everyone's celebrating him. It's like, yeah, that's a good thing.

Speaker 1 But he was still married.

Speaker 1 And there was just like this, this woman who was like, hey, my life's been a lie, too. You know what I mean? Like, this is the worst.
And so you can't really be like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 And then even if they cheat on you with a guy or a girl, it's like, well, you still cheated on me, but I guess like you, like, you're put in a tough position.

Speaker 1 You can't really complain, but it's also like, well, you kind of strung me along for fucking ever also.

Speaker 1 Like, I think you hear stories every now and then about like, you know, like a couple that has been married for like 40 years and then they, you know, divorce and it's like, oh, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 One side is all right. That's okay.
I would have got to like replay everything. Everything.
Everything. Everything.

Speaker 1 That's a tough one. Yeah.
The media is like, thank God he's living his best life right now. That's, that's great for him.
Yeah, which is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is great for him.

Speaker 1 But if this woman, it was like, you know, whatever,

Speaker 1 they were together for a long time. Yeah.
And then it's like, what if she, you know, it's like, anyway.

Speaker 1 And if it's the other way around, like, you have to think to yourself, like, was it, am I just that bad at fucking? Right. Right.
You hate dick.

Speaker 1 I made you hate my dick so much that you swore off all dick. Yes, yes, yes.
Okay, your last pick? Ah, fuck.

Speaker 1 This is, I mean, this, because these aren't as good and they don't even fit the actual theme anymore. So it's like, I thought, all right, I had three hot ones that I wanted out.

Speaker 1 You could just pass. Let me think, yeah, I'm the Vikings that year where it's just somebody else in my draft.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Let me.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 I'll just keep it semi-sports related a little bit. This is, again, this is just a mouthful, but it's like knowing someone is trying to steal your significant other and being powerless to help.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, like, I'm

Speaker 1 watching it happen, and you know it's going to work. Cause this, this one always stuck with me where

Speaker 1 Gabrielle Union met D. Wade at something where his wife was, and that day she was like, I'm a big fan of your husband's.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So she just called her shot like Babe Ruth, and she was like, I really like your husband. And then, like, nine months later, you get divorced.
It's like, yeah, it's Gabrielle Union.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you've been a baby.

Speaker 1 She's famous and hot as shit.

Speaker 1 She told you. So I'll go with that.
She called her shot. She's babe shot.
She's babe ruth. Yeah.
She's been

Speaker 1 copy. That's a good pick.
That's a good pick.

Speaker 1 For the way I interpret it, I'm really happy with my father. I think you did well.
I think you're going to win. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I mean, you can get our suicide.

Speaker 1 Murder suicide, cock getting chopped off. You know, that was a strong, strong, strong number for first two rounds.
Yeah. Okay, PFT, your last pick? My last.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to go to Taylor Swift and anybody.

Speaker 1 Because I fucking love it when Taylor Swift breaks up with somebody because some bangers are about to come out. Yes.

Speaker 1 And I was thinking a few months ago about trying to work out a situation where we engineer Taylor Swift to have the worst possible, like most gaslighting relationship with somebody just for the sake sake of the world so she'll put out good art later yes he's like have somebody treat her really poorly stand her up for dinner yeah start fucking her mom maybe

Speaker 1 like like break up with her for her best friend yep i just need taylor tell her

Speaker 1 tell her she can't get on her private jet anymore

Speaker 1 that fucking dumb bitch

Speaker 1 like she's worse than base going to the moon she's just going to she's on a fucking private plane for for groceries yeah she's gonna get like sushi at night yeah yeah yeah um all right so my last picture can i call future one sure because it's the one that I've said many, many times, but I can't wait.

Speaker 1 This sounds terrible to say out loud, but I can't wait for Chrissy Teigen and John Legend.

Speaker 1 It's gonna be the best day on the internet, like all these people being like, What is love anymore? It's like, you don't fucking know these people, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just can't wait for it.

Speaker 1 It will be the greatest breakup of all time. That's good, that's it because they were like, They were so perfect, yeah, yeah.
It's like, yeah, no shit, dude.

Speaker 1 They posted what they wanted to post, of course. Oh, their private life must be a horror show.

Speaker 1 I think it goes something like this, where Chrissy is just like constantly saying things into her phone, just walking around her house, yelling into her phone.

Speaker 1 And then John's in the next room, like, oh my God. Yeah, he's like, he's like, please, can we not put this online? Yeah.
I love it.

Speaker 1 I love, and I love, like, she had, like, a, I think she's kind of changed what she posts, but like that breakdown she had, like, maybe a year ago, where it's like, she came to the realization that posting every little piece of her family's life online isn't maybe healthy.

Speaker 1 Right. And it was like, no shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
Yeah. And it's fun because it's like so many people just were were online as it was evolving.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, I've made such errors.

Speaker 1 Where it's like, I don't want people knowing this. Yeah, right.
And now it's just here for forever. And people worship their relationship.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And also, it's like John Legend, that's the kind of guy that cheats as he gets older. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yeah, you're right. Like a musician who he's not even hot.

Speaker 1 He's like a handsome, like, it's about like his gravitas. It's about his like talent.
That's a guy who's going to age great.

Speaker 1 Playing the piano, wearing a suit. You know what I mean? And it's like, that's the guy.
Famous fucking musicians that stage good. And I think he's going to do it like in a classy way.

Speaker 1 If that sounds like he, like, it's going to be like a young up-and-coming composer that he cheats with. He's going to be like, like, some

Speaker 1 musical genius that stimulates his mind. Right.
And so it's like, you can't even be... They form a friendship.
He respects her creatively.

Speaker 1 He doesn't know what's going on as it's happening.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you can't even be like, oh, dude,

Speaker 1 you just decided one night to fuck whatever is in front of you. It's like, no, it's actually like he fell in love.
He re-fell in in love. She doesn't have a twist.

Speaker 1 Some girls are like, I don't even know what Twitter is. And he just got hard.

Speaker 1 I also think being a model is like a really weird way to age because if your entire profession is just people take pictures of me because I'm hot.

Speaker 1 And you like learn the shit so much.

Speaker 1 And you know, okay, you know all the players, you know the different people in the different magazines, different fashion shows. And then you start getting to your 40s.
Yeah. Then your 50s.

Speaker 1 It's like, wait, I have no career now

Speaker 1 because I'm not hot anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and society is tougher on women to begin with.

Speaker 1 A guy can look good, and he does, you know, he looks like shit. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like a 50-year-old, like, guy, and it's like, we say guys look older as they age, but it's just like, we're just easier societally on men. It's like, everyone's gray hair.
It's cool.

Speaker 1 No, we don't have to like gamble on plastic surgery that may or may not work. You know what I mean? Yeah, lines in your forehead for a guy is like, wow, he's wild.
Distinguished. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He looks like someone I want to

Speaker 1 talk to about my 401k. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
This is good.

Speaker 1 isn't being a model weird though it's just like you walk into a room and then people are like people all around the world want to look at you right now

Speaker 1 i'm just gonna make people look at you yeah it's really strange all right so what did we miss i had a i had a couple i had um uh

Speaker 1 brad pitt and jennifer aniston i think that was more heartbreaking than uh uh brangelina oh without question for like because like everyone because brad pitt his place in the culture and jennifer anderson was like she is like a nice right and it's like angelin jolie was just like it's kind of what we're talking about with the Gabrielle Dean thing.

Speaker 1 Jennifer Aniston couldn't stop her man from getting taken.

Speaker 1 What do you think is going to happen to you? Yeah, really. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So all these like mid women that were like,

Speaker 1 they were the predecessor. The Friends people were the predecessor of the office people.
Right. Where it's like just kind of fucking boring, bland people.

Speaker 1 It's like all these women who aren't aging well. You know what I mean? And it's like now they see like their idol in a lot of ways was Jennifer Anderson.

Speaker 1 It's like if Pam, like they, for a lot of women, she was their Pam, you know and it's like she was with the hottest if pam was married to the hottest guy of her generation and then just a hotter woman that's crazier crazier everything better than you takes it it's like it it's symbolized like oh my man's not safe either right right you know what i mean i have no power i think that's what was so devastating for so many women yes with that one um uh what else i had oh i had uh

Speaker 1 You could throw out Brady and Belichick. If Hank was here, he'd probably say that one.
Yeah, good riddance. He

Speaker 1 J-Lo and A-Rod. That one broke my heart.

Speaker 1 I thought it was going to last.

Speaker 1 Benefer the first time. Yeah, Bennett.
Who's the worst way that is? Listen, I'm doing a victory lap for Bennifer the second time. That's going to be awesome.

Speaker 1 You know, you know, Benifer, like, Ben definitely spent the last 10 years of his life just constantly thinking about J-Lo. Oh,

Speaker 1 doing the mind jerk off in the show. I am so happy for him.
Yeah, I'm so happy for him. It worked out.

Speaker 1 Soviet Union. Yeah, it's a big one.
That changed a lot of people. Destabilized everything.
Yep. Yep.
Yeah, Iraq, you could say, the Middle East after 9-11.

Speaker 1 What we did to it kind of fucked up the the whole world. Yeah, uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Saddam was keeping.
Look, whatever you want to say about Saddam, he was keeping some order over there

Speaker 1 because I know the Kurds would probably disagree, but it's like, it's like the mafia. At least they were allowed to play FIFA matches in Iraq.

Speaker 1 Whenever someone's like, you know, the mafia when they were here, like, the neighborhood was a lot safer for who?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who did uh was it Tristan Thompson dated on and off? Like, which ginner was it? Oh, well, he's got like multiple children with Chloe.

Speaker 1 Chloe, he's like, but he's also like broken up with her several times, right? He just keeps cheating. He keeps getting cheating.
He can't stop cheating. Yeah.

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Speaker 1 This has been awesome.

Speaker 1 What's next? Like, give us plug it. So the tour is starting up.
Again, my YouTube channel is still out there. We're about to hit 3 million views in two months from the special.
So that's huge.

Speaker 1 How many times have you watched it?

Speaker 1 Personally. Personally, just honestly, fully the way through was just the premiere now.
No, but on YouTube, you're not hitting it. Just as you walk out.
I should. I'm fucking up.
Why not?

Speaker 1 I don't know why. That's crazy.
I'm leaving money

Speaker 1 on the table. How much you make per view? I don't know.
But I've made my money back already and a little more.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes. So that's good.
And then

Speaker 1 I'm doing a little tour.

Speaker 1 I'm doing a big, huge tour in 2023, and I'm just kind of taking this year a little easier.

Speaker 1 But I will be doing, I'm in Phoenix the 8th through the 10th of September. Nice.
I'm in Pittsburgh, the 23rd through the 26th. You got 20 fans in Pittsburgh.
I'm in Denver, the 6th through the 8th.

Speaker 1 Miami, the 26th through the 28th, Richmond. And then I might be, Burlington, Vermont.

Speaker 1 I might be doing some warm-up shows in the city at the end of August just to kind of, because I've taken two and a half months off. And yeah, just fucking go to the YouTube channel.

Speaker 1 I put on different clips every week, like longer clips. And yeah, what's next? I'm just kind of chilling out a little bit, taking some time to catch my breath.

Speaker 1 And then some, I'll do, I'll think of something probably. Maybe in the next two weeks, I'm just going to go clear my head and figure out what I want to do next.
But go see me on the road.

Speaker 1 I don't have any other income right now. I can really use it.
And go to the YouTube channel. And that's pretty much it for now.
Are you going to try to act? Yeah, I really want to act.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's fun.
I think it's like, you know, because I love comedy, and I love getting a laugh in every way. Like, I don't want to be fucking Daniel Day-Lewis.

Speaker 1 That's not, I'm not a good actor, but I can be funny on screen. So, that's what I'm trying to do.
Nice.

Speaker 1 So, if you know, if any famous fucking directors are randomly watching this and you need you, you want a fat guy in your fucking, you want a fat dirt ball in your movie, I'm your guy.

Speaker 1 I feel like you need Judd Appetow to get back on his shit. You would be the perfect best friend who fucks every girl.
Let me get it. The main character can't find love.
Exactly. Inexplicably.

Speaker 1 yes yes yeah yeah yeah yeah chris pratt is your best friend he can't find love and you're just he's doing his emotions and i'm everyone because i'm an animal yeah yeah yeah no absolutely yeah that's a perfect role for you yeah yeah yeah that's what i'm trying yeah all right well stop thank you as always this has been awesome man thanks guys appreciate it thank you whether i'm hosting game day at my place or taking my talents to the tailgate boars head is my go-to for a spread that's as exciting as the game itself.

Speaker 1 Their platters are a hit every time. They've got everything you need to keep your guests coming back for more.
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Speaker 1 My personal favorite, the Blazing Buffalo Chicken, Hummus, or even one of their charcuterie collections for game-changing flavor.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's wrap wrap up. Just another reminder: next week is Grit Week.
Get excited.

Speaker 1 The next time you hear these voices, we will be in Colorado, in Rado. Backgirl, you got to learn that

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 the special opening to Grit Week, we do a different version of Electric Avenue. That's the grit version of Electric Avenue.
Make sure that we include that.

Speaker 1 Hank, you missed it during the stab interview.

Speaker 1 I've elevated Batgirl, and I just started calling Max a she.

Speaker 1 I was like, she's Batgirl. She's a Philly fan.
So stop. I think that's going to work.
I mean, what better way to prove to our audience that me and PFT aren't gay than to have Batgirl around? Yeah. BG.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. Oh, I totally forgot.
Alicia Silverstone was Batgirl.

Speaker 1 You remember that shitty Batman and Robin movie? Oh, yeah. She was Batgirl.

Speaker 1 I guess I just put that completely out of my mind because that movie sucked so bad. Also,

Speaker 4 what we read is the original Batgirl, but the Batgirl that most comic nerds know is a completely different story.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was like two backgirls. Commissioner Gordon's daughter.
Yeah. We should have Robbie and Clem on to like do Mount Rushmore of comic book characters and just let them lose their minds.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because they were.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's very funny. It's like we, I think comic books are the one thing that I have like the least amount of knowledge.
Like not even just the regular, oh, I know a little bit.

Speaker 1 So when anytime we get into it, they just lose their mind because they're like, how could they be so wrong about all of this? Because we don't know.

Speaker 1 When I think of comic books, I'm like, oh, Calvin and Hobbes. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Garfield. I like the cartoon, like the animated shows, but that's not even.

Speaker 4 That's scratching the surface when it comes to the comic book.

Speaker 1 I also think there's a little bit, I guess Robbie would be contrary to this, but there's a, like when you're growing up, you're either a comic book guy or a wrestling guy. It's kind of like,

Speaker 1 which fantasy world do you want to live in?

Speaker 1 I chose to live in the one where everyone did steroids and a lot of them died at like 45 years old. Some of them killing their own family members.
That was my choice.

Speaker 1 I think there are other, there's a third option out there. Yeah.
Sports. Play sports.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, you can play sports and watch wrestling. Play sports and you.
Oh, you don't think so?

Speaker 1 Oh, come on.

Speaker 1 Holdberg. Well, Brandon Walker could dunk.
Yeah. He won the dunk contest.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Okay. Fire Fest of the week.
But again, we will be in Colorado. Huge grit week.
Very excited. Look out, as always, for Grit Week.

Speaker 1 We will have a preview video Sunday night at some point getting you pumped up for Grit Week. So check that out on all the socials.

Speaker 1 Henry, start us off with your Fire Fest.

Speaker 4 Very excited for Grit Week. I honestly, like, I was racking my brain on the way into work, and I think I'm just so excited for Grit Week.
We have a lot of good stuff planned, and we've just been

Speaker 4 really in the trenches this week, like getting shit figured out that I haven't had a moment to have a bad moment. Wow.

Speaker 4 And I feel like I've just been bitching about moving and dealing with that whole thing for the last month. And I'm just...

Speaker 4 like being moved in and settled and just like having all that shit figured out. Like I just, I feel great.

Speaker 4 I'm not you know i have had no i've had nothing to to to fire about i mean this this means that something's going to happen oh yeah probably

Speaker 1 yeah well yeah i mean that's what great week real bad like very bad no

Speaker 1 you're gonna die you're gonna you're gonna die on the mountain yeah you're gonna die yeah i am coming out you are

Speaker 1 yeah yep yep we got a lot of stuff planned for grit week but one of the one of the plans i'm concerned about altitude that's all i won't get into too too much detail but hank tried to pull uh

Speaker 1 the the

Speaker 1 hey is this gonna be a problem for editing reasons Hard on me? And I was like, no. I feel like this is, there's something else going on here.
You can tell, Hank, it has been the summer of Hank so far.

Speaker 1 Really, the last like four months. No, I'm just out of shape.
You know,

Speaker 4 I was in shape at 45 day one, probably did like up to day 20. Then July happened.

Speaker 4 And then I'm

Speaker 1 a problem.

Speaker 4 Like, you can't be working out and moving.

Speaker 1 Correct. Yeah.
The six-pack's still coming, though. It is.
Yeah. Okay.
Pitsy, your firefest. I've got a few fire fests.
Is that okay because Hank didn't do his job and didn't have any? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So my first fire fest is that we're not getting, we're getting ripped off. Why? We're getting ripped off as a podcast because

Speaker 1 the article that came out yesterday saying that people are paying up to $50,000 to appear on podcasts. Yeah.
What the fuck? Yes.

Speaker 4 Well, that's why we get, that's why you guys get paid 75K. It's like, it's not great.

Speaker 1 No, no, we have to

Speaker 1 dish that out. No, it's the other way.
I get three board agents.

Speaker 4 I know, but you guys have to take that 75 and then give some to the guests.

Speaker 1 No, no, it's the other way.

Speaker 1 That's the article. Isn't that crazy? Someone pays.

Speaker 1 Like, so I saw the headline. I assume it's.
Guest pays? Yes. Yeah.
I assume.

Speaker 1 So there were a couple of people who I did have to clap back at one guy today who was like, is this why you guys don't have good guests anymore? Because you're just getting people to pay you.

Speaker 1 And I was like, what are you talking about? Like, yeah, Blake Bortles paid us, and Frankie Muna has paid us. No, we don't.
We've gotten zero dollars. I assume this is very much in the world of

Speaker 1 like niche podcasts that are like

Speaker 1 basically motivational podcasts where it's like yeah like people are selling a book like a motivational book and they'll go they'll they'll pay to be on like a business podcast yeah like we have never gotten a dollar well so here's here's what I'm finding to be very concerning about this is that no one's ever even approached us and asked us no to pay for coming on our podcast.

Speaker 1 In fact, it's only been the other way around. Like I think Lenny Dykstra asked us for money.
It was Pete Rose. Pete Rose is the one guy.
And Lenny did too through his manager and I told him no.

Speaker 1 And they're like, okay, he'll do it for free. Right.
He drove a real hard bargain. And Pete Rose asking is like, yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, Joe.

Speaker 1 I wasn't offended. I was like, I expected that.
Like, if we reached out to Phil Mickelson, I'm sure he'd be like, yeah, actually, can you pay me $97,250? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like a very specific amount that he owes this week. Yes.
But yeah, we're going to do that. And then Sunday Night Football goes under, and he's like, actually, it's $115,000.

Speaker 1 I'm going to need some retro. You know what we should do? We should start billing people that have already been on the show.
Yeah. Just invoicing them.
Sending them bills. See if anybody pays.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 We should tell him to Mr. Portnoy.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Who's the richest person that's been on the show?

Speaker 1 Just see what we're doing. Just see where that plays out.
Ryan Russillo. You've been to his house.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Mark Cuban's Cuba QC.

Speaker 1 Can we send an invoice to Mark Cuban for $50,000? Yeah. And just be like, you got to pay it.
For your most recent appearance and part of my take.

Speaker 1 And if he doesn't respond within a week, we own the Dallas Mavericks. Yep.
Include that.

Speaker 1 But yeah,

Speaker 1 we're definitely

Speaker 1 open to getting paid. We have never gotten paid, but we're not saying that we wouldn't

Speaker 1 if someone wants to. Yeah.
Yeah. But that would be so funny if we do have someone who has like 10, 10 easy tips to become a millionaire by 25 on the podcast, like in the middle of football season.

Speaker 1 We're like, yeah, we just wanted to talk to this guy. It also doesn't make sense that like the economics of it makes zero sense to me because not to brag, but I feel like we are a pretty big podcast.

Speaker 1 I'd say so. And nobody has ever approached us to pay $50,000.
Come on. You're talking about like the niche business podcast that they would be on.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine that it would be worth $50,000 to go on a smaller business.

Speaker 4 Or maybe our booking team is just cutting us out.

Speaker 1 Oh, maybe Kelly's taking all the money. Yeah, Big Mike.
Fucking Kelly.

Speaker 4 She's bitter about the person. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She probably has like 100.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, she's got a kid about to get popped out.

Speaker 1 Got to go

Speaker 1 to get that money. No chance that kid's going to be smart enough to go to college.

Speaker 1 That's going to be a text message right there tomorrow morning.

Speaker 4 So he'll go to Harvard.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 We'll pay for it. Yeah.
Sure.

Speaker 1 And other Fire Fest. I got stuck in an elevator yesterday.
Oh, no. So

Speaker 1 bad luck in my family dealing with elevators as we've talked about this. This is not underneath.
My great-grand, in not underneath, yes.

Speaker 1 My great-grandfather had an elevator fall on his head, killed him.

Speaker 1 Never knew him, so it's not really that sad. I can joke about it.
You can't.

Speaker 1 But I got stuck in an elevator yesterday at the gym, and it sucked because it was on my way out of the gym, so everybody in there is just like really sweaty going back down.

Speaker 1 And then it became one of those moments where it's like, well, someone has to make a joke. I tried to make the P corner joke.
I figured that. Like I went through the flowchart in my head.

Speaker 1 Like I could make a sex joke.

Speaker 1 Probably not appropriate. It's usually your first

Speaker 1 inclination. Probably knee jerk.
Probably not appropriate

Speaker 1 in an elevator filled with strangers. And then next one was like, oh, well, they've probably all seen the office.
I'll make a P corner joke. Fell on deaf ears.

Speaker 1 So then I just shut up. There's nothing like making it.
Like not even a chuckle? There might have been a chuckle. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I was expecting a much better reaction. Yeah.
I've been stuck on one elevator. It did.

Speaker 1 There is that. Yeah, a big elevator.
There's the initial reaction of like, oh, we're all going to die.

Speaker 1 And then it dissipates after someone comes over to the loudspeaker and be like, hold on, we're coming to get you. Yeah.

Speaker 4 You start sizing out who you would have to eat.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was the strongest.

Speaker 4 Make alliances with.

Speaker 1 I was the strongest on the elevator. I did note, I took a note of that.
It sounds like you go to a pussy gym. I do.
Very much.

Speaker 1 Was it Pilates class? Very much so. It was Pilates' class.

Speaker 1 I was the the strongest. It's just a bunch of fucking moms around me.
No,

Speaker 1 it was a Pilates class that got out. And also, most people were up there just to hang out on the roof and get sun by the pool.
So, and then, so I make that joke. Nobody really laughs.

Speaker 1 I didn't really say it with my chest, so that's on me. But then the worst part is right afterwards, this other guy goes.
all aboard when it starts to move again and everybody fucking cries.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's good timing. He gets good timing.
He gets like a huge laugh and like a round of applause and I'm like, fuck. Yeah.
So I got it. I got elevator cucked on that one.

Speaker 1 But for a second, when you do get stuck in an elevator, you think it's, yeah, you're going to die. I'm going to be here for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 Well, your initial reaction when you get stuck is like, now are we going to go in free fall? Yeah. Because that just always, you're like, okay, we're dead.

Speaker 4 You think an elevator or subway is worse?

Speaker 1 Depends on if it's a hot train in the summertime. Yeah.
That's the worst to get stuck on. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Also, if you're under, like.

Speaker 1 If you're underground and you have no like podcasts or anything to listen to and you can't get on your phone, yeah, that's pretty bad. Yeah.
You have to be alone with your thoughts. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That doesn't. Nobody nobody wants that okay good fire fest thank you yeah um my fire fest is uh

Speaker 1 i guess it's that i'm too good of a friend too selfless um so sunday we're going to go to go go to colorado we booked our flights and uh pft and i have gotten to a point where we do take first class uh

Speaker 1 there was only one first class ticket and i selflessly gave it to pft And now I'm dreading this flight. I would like, I didn't know that was going to happen.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And this is, this is, by the way, way, Big Cat not being a good friend. No, it is.
No, you're going to be a good person. No, no, it's possible to be in the back.

Speaker 1 Big Cat, this is such a transparent move on your part. So I would like to announce: if there's anybody that's on my flight that's an active duty or retired military.
Wait, no, don't do that yet.

Speaker 1 Oh, you don't want me to give away the first thing?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. The reason why I'm saying don't do that yet is because I said

Speaker 1 I was texting with Batgirl. I was like, give it a PFT and just keep looking because obviously I still want one.
So let's see if I get one. Then we're fine.
But I was. Are you going to find it?

Speaker 1 Are you just going to find one? No, someone might cancel their flight. You know, one pops up.
I'm just saying. I think you, the, the,

Speaker 1 you are.

Speaker 4 You have size problems.

Speaker 1 I do. I have two.

Speaker 1 No, no, not, not, not, not, no, no, I'm not talking weight. I'm talking height.
I'm talking weight.

Speaker 1 I'm talking height. I'm talking height.
Definitely. You, like.

Speaker 4 You not need a first-class ticket, but a first-class ticket is more beneficial for someone that's taller. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I agree, but I felt bad being like taking the only one. So I was like, give it a PFT and we'll see if I can get one.

Speaker 1 I would like to give mine to an active duty or retired military member on the flight. I'm dreading.
No, Billy's not getting it. Billy's going in the luggage underneath.
I mean, a dog cage. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I'm dreading this now, but it will be fine. Tell you what, if you guys want to just put in bids, if you want that ticket, I'll sell it to you.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 I fall asleep on every flight. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 Doesn't matter what you're doing. Hank falls asleep before he even gets on the flight.

Speaker 1 Maybe the funniest part of the most recent trip that we took was Max, excuse me, Bat Girl, getting introduced to Hank's yawns for the first time.

Speaker 1 And he refused to believe that they were actually yawns. He's like, that's not a yawn.

Speaker 1 He's like clearing his throat, right? Nope. He was a thousand.
I still don't think it was a real yawn. Oh, it was real.
Wait till. He scratches the back of his throat because that wasn't real.

Speaker 1 That's right. Wait till not only a great week, but like the fact that he's already worried about the oxygen.
He's going to have to do the biggest yawn ever to get that oxygen in his mouth.

Speaker 1 Keep his brain firing. He's going to just be.
You're going to have your mouth open the whole fucking time.

Speaker 4 I got some some tricks up my sleeve. Oh, yeah?

Speaker 1 What are you bringing?

Speaker 4 Don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 You bringing a tank? Don't worry about it. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right, Billy, you're Fire Fest. So there's this dude I've been watching since early college.
When he was at Northern Iowa. But this guy's just off the field.
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 What does that mean you've been watching him? Oh, because there's been clips of this guy. He's an offensive lineman from Northern Iowa.
He's been absolutely destroying dudes, and he's a savage.

Speaker 1 His name's Trevor Penning. You flagged him.
You flagged flagged him. Yeah, so I've been, so like, I kind of feel like one of those guys.
Like, I was following them when they're

Speaker 1 first. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like that. So now all of his...
So basically, he just got kicked out of Saints camp for

Speaker 1 going too hard. He's an absolute...

Speaker 1 animal yeah this guy's awesome i think he fought three days in a row was it i mean so now everyone else is getting on the bandwagon i'm like i'm kind of gatekeeping like i i was there when he was doing this like a freshman in northern iowa that's now everyone's on it and they're like oh man this guy's so cool but you should have talked about him more i've been posting his clips.

Speaker 1 That's it. That sucks.
You've got to retweet your old clips. I know.
I'm going to go back and do that. But this is, he had a crazy.
And then everyone who posts about what's his name, Trevor Pinning?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just make sure that the internet knows that Billy had it first.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's a savage as first reported by Billy Football. That does suck, Billy.
I actually agree with you here.

Speaker 1 If you like he's because it's not someone that's ever going to have like crazy fame and you were on it. Check the bills.
Yeah. I just want to play some people in the media.

Speaker 1 If you were to ask me, what's my favorite thing about football? Like, just ask that. What is your favorite thing about football?

Speaker 1 Legally assaulting a person across from you.

Speaker 1 He said 12. He said, he said, I mean, he's such like, he's like such a meme that it's hilarious, but he's actually going out there and mauling dudes to the ground.
Yeah. All right, you've got him.

Speaker 1 That's what Billy's got.

Speaker 1 You're like a wildlife expert

Speaker 1 that tagged a shark when it was just a little baby fish. I guess heroes.

Speaker 4 Richie Incognito.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, for sure.
All right. So Billy's got him first, so everyone back off.
I like that. All right, Jake, finish this off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm pretty sure the face wash I've been using my whole life has been discontinued. What? Your whole life? My whole life.
I've been using one face wash.

Speaker 1 When did you start using face wash? Probably middle school. Okay.

Speaker 1 And I've gone to like five or six CVSs, Dwayne Reeds, nothing. Neutrogena website.
Sorry for the inconvenience. We're sold out.
On Amazon, it's going for $70. Whoa.
So people are hoarding it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You got to buy some now. I'm not buying that.
No,

Speaker 1 I've transferred. Oh, you have? Yeah.
I've noticed you've had some acne problems recently. Yeah, I wear makeup sometimes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I have a little pen in my back. Oh, you're being serious.
I swear to God. Oh, I know.
You're joking.

Speaker 1 Mostly just for podcasts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I understand for broadcasts, but you do not read the pen when you come into...

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Jake's the pen. That's so great.
Yeah, Jake hits the pen. You gotta be careful with that if you're going to Russia.

Speaker 1 Everyone's like, oh, Jake, you got a pen I can borrow. I want to get high.
No, I just got this.

Speaker 1 So what have you switched to?

Speaker 1 Cetaphil. Cetaphil.
Okay. That's good stuff.
Simple's good too. I like simple.

Speaker 1 So I was going to make fun of Jake for having a face wash, but I actually think that it's important.

Speaker 1 I'm a creature of habit. I just see the green bottle in my bathroom.
I'm like, okay, that's the stuff that goes in my face, not my ass. Yeah, right.
Which is good. Imagine.
just being out of stock.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What do you do next? Nightmare.
I actually wouldn't know what to choose. Yeah.
Exactly. So I'm sorry for your loss.

Speaker 1 Let's get Neutrodrina. Figure it out.
Yeah. We'll skull fuck them for you.
Yeah. Speaking real quick of Brittany Griner, did you guys see that Bro 9 was tweeting or was trending on Twitter?

Speaker 1 No, who's that? Bro 9, because everybody's reaction to her getting nine years was like, bro, nine years? That's hilarious. So the phrase bro 9.
And then Iman Schumper got arrested too for weed.

Speaker 1 Six and a half pounds. Six and a half pounds of weed.
Free Iman. Yeah.
Yeah. It's a lot of weed.
That's a lot of weed. But, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you like weed, that's you could get through six and a half pounds. You're tired, right? Yeah, I feel like Stu Finery does six and a half pounds in like a long weekend.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just gets like a, you know, 75 bagels and talks to them like they're like he's in Beauty and the Beast.

Speaker 1 And that's a weekend for Stu.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do numbers. Send everyone off.
I'm going to go get excited for Grit Week.

Speaker 1 Nine.

Speaker 1 99. 69.

Speaker 1 27. 26.

Speaker 1 PG

Speaker 4 42

Speaker 4 Bro nine bro nine bro nine

Speaker 1 ninety one

Speaker 1 ninety one

Speaker 1 Beavers have never been audited by the IRS

Speaker 1 love you guys. What the fuck is that here?

Speaker 1 talking away

Speaker 1 I don't know what's about to say I'm shaded anyway

Speaker 1 I'm gazing up Jane and finding you shine away

Speaker 1 No I've been coming for your love of day Shine away

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for your love of days

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 Take on me. Take me

Speaker 1 up.

Speaker 1 Take on me. I'll be

Speaker 1 your

Speaker 1 needless to say.

Speaker 1 I won't say it in.

Speaker 1 But be so late away.

Speaker 1 Sound of the mind is okay.

Speaker 1 Say up to me.

Speaker 1 I so better to be say it's a

Speaker 1 stay up to me

Speaker 1 I so better to be saved than sorry

Speaker 1 that I do not go

Speaker 1 Holmes waiting for the same

Speaker 1 life

Speaker 1 Just the way that worried away.

Speaker 1 All things I've got to remember.

Speaker 1 Shine away.

Speaker 1 Love coming for you anyway.

Speaker 1 Shy and away.

Speaker 1 Love coming for you anyway.

Speaker 1 Day.

Speaker 1 Take on the beach.

Speaker 1 Take on to me. I'll take