Comedian Andrew Schulz, Paddy The Baddy & Meatball Molly Rule + Mt Rushmore of Worst Gifts

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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, we have Andrew Schultz, the comedian, hour and a half interview. It was one of those interviews that I took notes beforehand, and I don't think I read a single one of them.

Speaker 1 We just, we hit every topic you could ever imagine, from the Knicks to Jeffrey Epstein to Alex Jones, all over the place. Great, great interview.

Speaker 1 We have Who's Back of the Week and Mount Rushmore of Worst Gifts to Receive. Thank you to an AWL for that.

Speaker 1 Great show. And before we do that, we're brought to you by our friend.
Hey, what's going on there, pal?

Speaker 3 We saw you at the hockey game on. Do I know you guys? I'm Ryan Whitney.
I got a drink named after me.

Speaker 1 Not a big deal. Pink Whitney?

Speaker 3 That's what I thought. See you, fellas.

Speaker 1 I invented the thing, you pigeon. Pink Whitney for legendary moments.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all of the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to electric avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to electric.

Speaker 3 It's part of my take. This isn't about Marshall Sports.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by Coors Light, the best beer ever created. Today is Monday, July 25th.

Speaker 1 Oh, Patty the Baddie.

Speaker 1 Oh, Patty the Baddie.

Speaker 1 Oh, Patty the Batty.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's the start.
Because Patty the Batty and

Speaker 1 Meatball Molly, our friends, our colleagues,

Speaker 1 that was the sports moment of the weekend. Both of them showing out in England.
Dave there with his wig on, catching Meatball Molly.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable. Great UFC.
I love them so, so much, the two of them. I don't know, like, it's weird to have people that you know personally and care for.

Speaker 1 fighting in the octagon because every moment feels like the scariest moment ever. But that was awesome.
And that is the

Speaker 1 lead of the show today.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the closest that we've ever come to that is when Hank stepped into the octagon and

Speaker 3 Billy stepped in. It was not really an octagon, it was a squared circle in the boxing ring.

Speaker 3 And watching people that you care about actually get into fights, like that's as close as I've been to a parent just worrying sick about my children.

Speaker 3 I was, it's, it's nerve-wracking, and it's almost like relief when they win.

Speaker 4 But the way that Molly and Patrick was the one that actually fought back,

Speaker 3 yeah. Well, you fought against Tex.
I'd say like Jose Conseco is probably a pretty comparable amount. Like, if Jose Conseiko actually connected with a shot against Billy, Billy could have died.

Speaker 3 Would have been a real shame. But there was still that same level of worry that we had.
But the way that Molly and Patty won, they're so fun to watch. Like, Molly just throwing back elbows at people.

Speaker 3 And then they just, they're so likable. Like, after the fight, Molly just crying tears of joy, basically, getting hammered drunk on fireball or whatever in the stands.

Speaker 1 And then Patty taking the mic and after teabagging his opponent like he said that he would just being like hey let's talk real quick about mental health because i don't want to bury any of my mates so come cry on my shoulder give me a big hug liverpool is back guys yes yes it was an awesome awesome day um it was also great like the ufc when it's in a foreign country and you get like the five o'clock ufc fight is just it's there's something really cool about it because you're like oh i should be like fighting off sleep it should be midnight right now uh trying to stay awake on a pay-per-view card no we got to see it at five o'clock in the afternoon afternoon i had a pep in my step after that i love them two both so so much i hope they both come back to new york soon so we can have them both back on the show and yeah that was that was it thank you to both of them too because other than jake calling a pl game and working in a clone shout out jake and um red bull cheating again to get uh max a win there wasn't much sports this weekend.

Speaker 1 Like this baseball, and then Patty the Batty and Meatball Molly saved sports this weekend. So we appreciate it from them.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, especially like if you're a sports writer out there, my thoughts and my prayers are with you because not only is there nothing to write about whatsoever, but Bruce Springsteen's seats are now $4,000.

Speaker 3 So it's a real tough time to be a scribe.

Speaker 1 Yes, the biggest story I had was the Bears unveiled their new

Speaker 1 helmets. It's now cool for every team.
Like, this is one of those situations where the NFL was like, yeah, we're letting everyone do multiple shells this year.

Speaker 1 So you get alternate uniforms, alternate helmets. And then the Bengals revealed theirs, which were incredible.

Speaker 1 The Jets actually are pretty cool, but that doesn't mean every team needs to do an alternate helmet.

Speaker 1 And the Bears kind of were the first team to show up and be like, oh, yeah, not every team needs to do this. I don't know why they had to be Syracuse.

Speaker 1 No disrespect to you, Jake, but Syracuse is a trash football program. And I don't know why they had to do that.
And

Speaker 1 historic franchises should just keep with their regular helmets because there's no reason.

Speaker 1 We're not the Jaguars, even though we are, like, in terms of playing ability. We're not the Jaguars.
We don't need an alternate helmet.

Speaker 1 That isn't, and that you don't have to just check that box just because it's available to you. So I'm mad about that.

Speaker 3 There are certain franchises. The word swag should never get thrown out when it comes to the Bears.

Speaker 3 The Bears are a team that, like, yes, they're very historical, but even when they're good, they're just like, they're more physical than you. They're never swaggy.
They're not a swaggy team.

Speaker 3 And the all-orange, yeah, you're right. It's like a mix of Syracuse and Illini, like combined into one.
And nothing about that screams excitement to me.

Speaker 3 It is going to be against the Commanders in the greatest Thursday night game that this podcast has ever seen. So I'm happy to see that.

Speaker 3 If I'm just going based off vibes, off those helmets alone, I feel like that is a vibe where it's like the coach Eberflus, he's going to lose two challenges.

Speaker 3 The wind is going to blow the ball off the kicking tee at least twice in the course of the game. But mercifully, the game is going to be over really quickly.

Speaker 3 It's going to be one of those that basically has a running clock the entire time because both teams are just going to run the ball and nothing exciting is going to happen.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the orange helmets, if they wore blue jerseys with the orange helmets, they'd look a little bit better. But the orange helmets are a special team's error, like a drastic change in momentum.

Speaker 1 And then Eberflues is going to try to wear something orange, an orange visor or hat, and it's going to look even more comical.

Speaker 1 It's Mickey Mouse. It's candy ass.
So again, I don't know why they had to do that. Just wear your regular uniforms.
You have some of the best uniforms in sports. Like, why would you do that?

Speaker 1 But again, this is a late July problem where I had to drop some perspective on people. Like, look, we can all disagree about helmets.
Some people thought they were fire. That's fine.
I don't.

Speaker 1 But the fact that we're arguing about helmets means we're that much closer to football and we can handshake on that.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 The only real, real problem I have with it, I mean, it does look kind of candy-ass, but it just makes me wish Andy Dalton was still on the Bears because he would look sick in those helmets.

Speaker 1 Yes, he would. He would.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think what other things. Oh, I guess, Hank, do you want to address the fact that LeBron might have cursed your baseball team? Because

Speaker 1 like I've seen on the,

Speaker 1 that's what some people are saying. LeBron might have cursed the Red Sox because since he said- Why are you going to bring him up all the time, big cat? Yeah, you're right.
All right, fine.

Speaker 1 So we want to address the fact that I've just seen on Twitter Sweeney.

Speaker 1 I've seen clips of just some of the most ridiculous plays happening in this Red Sox Blue Jays series that like plays that are, plays that are basically like,

Speaker 1 we won't see plays that bad when we're watching the Little League World Series and Williams Sport in like three weeks.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it was 14 to three, and then all, you know, people online got to do the, oh, football score, football score.

Speaker 3 Then it was 27 to to 3

Speaker 1 and almost

Speaker 1 28 to 3 did you see this jake it was there's a score of gami account for baseball it was for a moment gonna be the first scoreigami in like 20 years it happens like once yeah once every like 20 years there's a baseball score of me yeah devastating i remember it was like rangers oils like 30 to 3 like a decade ago I don't remember specifically, but I think those were the two teams involved.

Speaker 5 So, yeah. You got to charge the moments, but we just missed out on on it.

Speaker 4 I also don't, like, they were, they were, there's got to be a certain level if you're a baseball manager where it's like, if you get down, I don't know, let's call it 15 runs, then you just stop using real pitchers and let

Speaker 4 whatever player that wants to fucking pitch, throw them in there because they were, they had like relievers.

Speaker 1 They're down 25.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was bad.

Speaker 3 There was, I remember that Orioles game because that was an ultimate Tim Kirchen game where he was just, he, for the next two days, he was finding out new stats that happened in that game that hadn't happened in like 125 years of baseball.

Speaker 3 And his voice was just breaking. He sounded like he was going to cry on the air when he discovered that the pitcher in that game got a save somehow, even though it was 30 to 3.

Speaker 3 Like, I love those moments for Tim Kirchin, where they just splash him everywhere. And they're like, here's a weeping Tim Kirchin to discuss the beauty of baseball uniqueness again.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. And then the only other story from baseball, well, there's two others.
Aaron Judge has been mashing, race to 62. I want everyone to get involved in that because it does.
Look,

Speaker 1 I'm a pro-steroids guy. So I definitely think Barry Bond's the best player of all time.
And I also think his records stand.

Speaker 1 But there should be like an extra enthusiasm if someone can hit 62, just knowing that we're not in the steroid era anymore.

Speaker 1 So it's like, what better way to get people into baseball than having a home run race again? So let's pretend this is just, he's going for 62. He's trying to break Roger Maris's record.

Speaker 1 I'm in for that. Like, let's get excited about some dingers.
Well, it's the Yankee record. That's the record, though.

Speaker 3 That's the thing. It's a Yankee record.

Speaker 4 So, yeah, that's all it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But

Speaker 3 I think it's still important because you have the Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa. You have those, which we do acknowledge because everybody was taking stories at the same time.

Speaker 3 But there's still like that little mystique around the number of 61.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 3 I'm fine with rooting for Aaron Judge to get that. The only thing is he might be a national.

Speaker 3 He might be trade bait for Juan Soto.

Speaker 1 In which case,

Speaker 1 you got that short right field porch and he's not going to have that anymore that's true hank is shaking his head he just doesn't want to be excited about like i'm i'm trying i am basically fishing at the bottom of the ocean trying i just pulled up like one of those spineless jellyfish or not all jellyfish are spineless right one of those worms that are at the bottom of the ocean and i'm like look here it is aaron judge 62 home runs what else are we going to fucking talk about in the end of july you're right and you're like no throw it back well yeah i know i was being sour puss.

Speaker 4 I'm not. I'm a sweet dick, but like, I would say that you can't acknowledge the Barry Bonds one and then also be like, he's chasing a record because which one's the Yankee record.

Speaker 1 But you can't. Yankee records.

Speaker 1 That's what you're going for. The Yankee records.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Sean Burger's pinstripes.

Speaker 3 27 rings, Hank.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then the other thing was the Breys caught the Mets, so Frank was right.
Hashtag Frank was right yet again.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's, it's, I think they're, I think the Mets are right now a half game up on the the Braves in the NL East.

Speaker 4 That's exactly what he said was going to happen.

Speaker 1 But it was happening. It's happening.

Speaker 3 The Mets, the Mets got Max Scherzer as a free agent coming back to the team, and they're getting Jacob DeGrom, another big free agent coming back to the team this year.

Speaker 1 It's a deadline trade.

Speaker 1 Deadline trade.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I'm sure, no, mid-season free agent, Jake DeGrom. And I'm sure that he'll be able to pitch the rest of the season and won't have any more injury issues.
So I think the Mets are still good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
They'll be fine. I'm sure this won't just implode in fantastic fashion.

Speaker 1 Okay, should we do who's back? Because we have a very long, very, very good interview with Andrew Schultz. What are you going to say, PFD?

Speaker 3 I have a beach idea. So it's not a drunk idea because it's like mildly buzzed.
You know that feeling? You have like three beers on a beach and you're kind of in the zone.

Speaker 3 Your brain starts cooking a little bit. I had a beach idea that I was discussing here the other day.
Let me know what you guys think about it.

Speaker 3 It's a spray tan booth, but it's got sunscreen, spray sunscreen in it. So you just walk through it.
They set up like a kiosk, and you walk through it on your way out to the beach.

Speaker 3 You pay like 10 bucks, and then you turn around like you're in Tony Hawk. Your entire body gets coated in sunscreen.

Speaker 3 I feel like for kids, especially, if you got kids, this is like a godsend of an invention.

Speaker 1 10 bucks.

Speaker 1 It's the mister, like the spray mister. Just walk right through the portal.

Speaker 3 It's the one that the Broncos had where they kept their entire team safe from COVID because they walked through like this this spray this spray fan before they went out onto the practice field.

Speaker 3 Hank, you think 10 bucks is too much? Have you seen the cost of sunscreen these days? Are you living in your elite bubble? Because sunscreen is mega expensive.

Speaker 4 I just don't wear sunscreen like a real man. And when I do, I just slap it on my back.

Speaker 4 I didn't realize. I thought 10 bucks would get you at least a bottle or two.

Speaker 1 Do you think it's naked? It's like a bottle, yeah. Billy, by the way, is we don't know where Billy is.
He's in a hospital, I think.

Speaker 1 Billy texted the group this morning at 8.30 in the morning, being like, what time are we recording, guys? Something we had agreed to on Thursday.

Speaker 1 And that was just a pretty good sign of Billy has big plans this weekend. And pardon my take, might be interrupting his plans because I don't know where he is right now.
He won't be.

Speaker 3 It's better to double check than not check.

Speaker 1 It's better to double check

Speaker 3 from an undisclosed location. That's like where they found Saddam Hussein, is where Billy's at right now.

Speaker 1 We asked him where he was. He said, not a house.
So I don't know what the fuck that means. And there's a phone, a landline phone behind him, and it looks like an elevator.

Speaker 1 So like I said, I'm just going to go with hospital unless he wants to tell us a little bit more. This is like where Tom.

Speaker 3 Remember when Tom Hanks hosted SNL and everybody was like, oh, he's in an Australian prison and they're just CGI in the background? That's what's happening with Billy Football right now.

Speaker 3 We are all working remote. I'm working remote.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Well, I appreciate you able to show up.

Speaker 1 That was, yeah, we were joking when you lost internet connection a minute ago because you're in a hospital again, which you'd think would have good internet connection.

Speaker 1 We were joking that when you texted at 8:30 in the morning, being like, what time are we recording? I think you, sneaky, were hoping we'd be like 15 minutes from now so that your whole day was clear.

Speaker 1 We should have just been like, we're recording right now. Let's go.

Speaker 3 I'm just, you know, just got to double check.

Speaker 1 Sorry for where are you? Just say where you are.

Speaker 1 Just say where you are.

Speaker 3 If you guess where I am, I'll tell you if I'm there.

Speaker 1 Give us a little more of the room.

Speaker 1 Give us a little more of the room

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 all right so you're in a dorm is this a dorm where the

Speaker 5 dorms have corded phones do they yeah

Speaker 1 go on where are you

Speaker 3 well we can you know what if someone if one of the awls guesses correctly where i am i'll retweet them Okay, well, oh, that's huge. Massive.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is like the, um, the, remember that documentary? Don't fuck with Cats? Like, someone needs to figure out when the phone was made and

Speaker 1 who had it put into their hotel slash hospital slash dorm. And then we can go from there.

Speaker 4 I think Billy's CWLs with this with this type of stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think Billy's on board the Live Tour jet. I think the Saudis have successfully co-opted Billy to be their new mouthpiece.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I actually, you know what? That is, he is giving off cruise ship vibes. That could be

Speaker 4 what is what is sketchy enough that he doesn't feel comfortable saying, like, that's what I'm trying to get at. Like, most people would just be like, oh, I'm at this place.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and just saying, and no one would care. No, I just

Speaker 3 planned something a long time ago.

Speaker 1 Why are you so fucking weird?

Speaker 1 You just can't be normal for anything.

Speaker 1 But, like, are you at what?

Speaker 4 Are you in an insane asylum?

Speaker 1 Like, are you in Stranger Things? No, no.

Speaker 3 Anyway, who's back the week?

Speaker 3 Are you training to be a Navy SEAL with Tiger Woods at his compound?

Speaker 1 What is this place? All right, go ahead, Billy. Start with who's back of the week.
Give us your who's back of the week.

Speaker 3 Who's back of the week?

Speaker 1 By the way, before we do that, we just mentioned the live to our plane.

Speaker 1 Little tickler for the takies on Wednesday. I've been smiling ever since we taped the takies on Thursday.
It's coming out on Wednesday. I think it's our best takies yet.

Speaker 1 It's such a fucking great episode. It is such a great episode.
So get excited for Wednesday. And no spoilers.
Don't spoil. Try not to tweet spoilers until people have a chance to listen because,

Speaker 1 like I said, I'm still buzzing from it. Like I've actually had moments where I've thought back and like giggled to myself about what happened during the takeies.

Speaker 3 It's a great show with a fantastic ending. We do spend a little spoiler here.
We do spend 30 minutes honoring Eileen Gu for her performance and her contribution to the Chinese ski team.

Speaker 3 So I will say that as just a little advertisement for the show.

Speaker 4 I will say too, I don't like to over-advertise, and you know, I could be wrong, but I will say that the Blake of the Year competition is better than last year's.

Speaker 1 Yes, by far. Yes.

Speaker 1 We have a lot better of a Blake of the Year competition with two Blakes being on the show. All right, so Billy, go ahead, take it away.
Who's back of the week?

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Speaker 3 The troops.

Speaker 3 Memes and I competed in a charity lacrosse game on Thursday night for Shoot Out for Soldiers, a great cause, a great charity. It's 24 hours of lacrosse.
A game's played every hour.

Speaker 3 And all proceeds and donations and sign-ups go towards great causes for veterans and active duty.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 they had a record-breaking event. They raised a fifth of a million dollars, which is awesome.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 again, you're incapable of being normal. Yeah, $200,000.

Speaker 1 How was your Saturday, bill?

Speaker 3 The whole barstool, the whole, a bunch of guys at Barstool showed up. We had a barstool team, and it was really fun.

Speaker 3 And it was the first time playing an organized sport for a lot of us since like high school and college. And it was awesome.
That's great. I'm glad that you got to cosplay as a troop again.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Congratulations. That's a great challenge coin.

Speaker 3 I got a challenge coin

Speaker 3 so I could whip that out on other military members if they have their challenge coin on them. So kind of got a stamp of approval.

Speaker 3 You are literally now like the bit is over and you are actively stealing valor.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Wait, are you wearing a button-down shirt, Billy?

Speaker 3 It's it's more of like a

Speaker 1 wait.

Speaker 1 This is getting even weirder weirder.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I needed to hear how that was going to end.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's more of like a what.

Speaker 3 It's more, it's like athletic gear.

Speaker 1 I got like. Yeah.
With buttons? Stand up real quick. I don't need to stand up.
Let's see that wear pants. Yeah.
Or he's got a kilt on. He's in Scotland.

Speaker 3 It's like, remember, like, did anyone watch the Today show where Matt Lauer is like, where's Matt Lauer? That's not cool anymore. Just remember it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Billy, do you have a button on your desk that locks it from the inside right now no you do not wait but also that are you telling me that's not a button like those that shirt doesn't have buttons on it it there's buttons

Speaker 1 oh it is a button out so it's a button down yes okay that would have been an answer that we could have we would have accepted yes when i asked is that a button down let's let's see the shoes show feet you want to see my shoes yeah let's and why are you standing up you're definitely nude from the waist down okay so he is dressed up.

Speaker 1 He is dressed up. Those were his nice sneakers that he only puts on for big occasions.
All right, Hank, go ahead. Why don't you give us your who's back?

Speaker 4 My who's back of the week is just the classics. It is that time of year.
There are no sports going on. So when in doubt, this is, you know, things like Mount Rushmore come along.
That's a classic.

Speaker 4 And then our colleague, J.J. Reddick, has got himself in a classic debate that is, you know, taking over Sports Center probably for the next week.
And he, you know, again, classic take.

Speaker 4 He said Jerry West played with plumbers. and then Jerry West came back and was like, What have you ever accomplished in your career, buddy?

Speaker 4 You've only averaged like 12 points a game and never won a championship. So

Speaker 4 just a class, it's just a classic debate. It's just one of those things, like you go on Sports Center this week, there's nothing going on.

Speaker 4 What is Stephen A talking about? It's

Speaker 4 Jerry West and the plumber era and like how current players would play then.

Speaker 1 Well, Stephen A. Smith is

Speaker 3 not talking about anything because he's taken the entire fucking month of August off with a shoulder injury because he's not man enough to go on the air in August and talk about sports.

Speaker 3 This is actually what really separates the good take Smiths from the bad ones and from the pretenders. Like, this is a soft move by Stephen A.
Smith to just not show up for an entire month.

Speaker 3 Like, Greene can't do it all.

Speaker 4 And then the other one I saw, which I kind of disregarded because once I saw who wrote it, it was, it was like a top, top headline on Barcelona was just Aaron Rodgers is in the top three quarterback with the rankings of quarterbacks, but it was from Steven Che.

Speaker 4 So that's not even.

Speaker 4 He was just, he was just, yeah, he was just kind of doing his thing.

Speaker 1 I agree with him. I agree with him.
He's doing fantasy rankings. Yeah.

Speaker 4 No, no, no, no. I don't think so.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Well, I agree with him.
No matter what, I back him. He's my guy.
Yeah. Great take by him.

Speaker 4 Just a good, just a good week for old takes.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. Yeah, that is, it is true.
Like, this is prime. Let's rank quarterbacks, tiering of the quarterbacks for no reason error.
Like, this is the perfect time for it in this part of the summer.

Speaker 3 You know what we should do? We should tier kickers.

Speaker 3 Make a debatable list of the best kickers in the NFL or just head coaches in general. Tiering head coaches, I feel like we get some good engagement.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
We'll do that next week. I like that.
I like that. All right, PFT, your who's back.

Speaker 3 My who's back of the week is robots. Robots are back.
I don't know if you guys saw this. I know that you...

Speaker 3 You guys are big chess fans, but there was a giant chess tournament that took place in Russia over the weekend and had some of the best players. And over in Russia, like they farmed them young.

Speaker 3 They groom you to be like a chess superstar from the time you're like two years old. And so one of the best chess players in the under nine division was playing.

Speaker 3 He's like on a fast track to be one of the best in the entire world. And they had him play against a robot.
They made like a chess playing robot. And the robot broke the child's finger.

Speaker 3 in the middle of the game. Like it reached across the board, grabbed its finger, and then just snapped it.

Speaker 3 And then the president of the Moscow Chess Federation said, the robot broke the child's finger. This is, of course, bad.
And so

Speaker 3 the kid had to be taken away by like three people, like its mom. And then two bystanders had to pry the fingers of the robot off the kid.
This is just the most Russian story ever.

Speaker 3 And it just goes to show that I am anti-robot and I've been anti-robot for quite some time.

Speaker 3 Even when Boston Dynamics puts out their cute little dogs, they're capable of getting kicked over and standing back up.

Speaker 3 I just want everybody to stay woke out there and join me on the team of being anti-robot.

Speaker 1 I want to be anti-robot. I want to be anti-robot, but I can't be a hypocrite because I literally just said that I backed Steven Che.
So

Speaker 1 there's some robots. If they rank Aaron Rodgers out of the top three, I can get behind.

Speaker 3 Well, if the robot has a significant amount of Martin Luther King autographed memorabilia, then I'm okay with that robot. But I need to make sure that they're not racist first.

Speaker 3 So what if the robot was like trying to win and it like glitched and it was like the best way to win isn't on the chessboard, it's break the hand that plays the chess. Yeah, the kid had to quit.

Speaker 3 The robot won. So, like, the robot will now learn that violence is an acceptable answer when it comes to chess.

Speaker 1 This is how it starts. It starts.

Speaker 1 Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword was full of shit. They just didn't have good swords.

Speaker 3 I blogged this on Friday. Did you guys see the Boston Dynamics robot that was shooting a gun?

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 terrible shot. Bad shot.

Speaker 4 Looked like PFT playing COD.

Speaker 3 It was terrifying.

Speaker 3 Damn, hey, fucking roasted. You know how much I care about Warzone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it sounds like you do.

Speaker 1 I'm a fucking pilot, bitch.

Speaker 3 If it was an AIM 120 Amram or an AIM 9X Sidewinder, I'd put that thing right into your face. I don't give a shit about shooting machine gun.

Speaker 1 I got fucking laser-guided missiles. Your reaction to that joke says you might care a little bit.

Speaker 3 No, I just want Hank to shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right, my Who's Back of the Week is one of my favorite bears of all time, Brian Erlacher.

Speaker 1 I've said this before, but if you're on the internet, you get got.

Speaker 1 Brian had, he got got, and it was, it was bad. So I don't know if you guys saw this, but the PGA Tor tweeted, and it's spelled T-U-O-R.

Speaker 1 And also on the avatar, it says parody, tweeted, breaking, Jim Nance reportedly joins Live for a four-year contract.

Speaker 1 In a statement to the press, he said, I feel like I'm the best and I want to be paid like it. He also added, goodbye, friends.
And Erlacher responded, damn right.

Speaker 1 And you should be compensated for being the best. Maybe they will televise live events now with the best announcer, hashtag live golf.
And it was like, okay.

Speaker 1 I mean, just because it was not, it's like not only that you got duped by a parody, but you like came out as like the number one live golf fan.

Speaker 1 But you know what? You don't need, you don't need to be the smartest guy online to be a Hall of Fame linebacker.

Speaker 1 So I'm just going to remind people that the internet's a tricky place, and it's not fair that people are throwing parodies in Brian Erlacher's feed because that's just not, it's not right.

Speaker 1 It's not right.

Speaker 3 Also, I'm pretty sure Jim Nance is paid like the best because he is the best. I'm pretty sure he's compensated very handsomely.

Speaker 3 So Erlacher just without, there's no real reason for him to like self-identify as being a Saudi stan, but he took the bait and stepped in it. But it's good to know, though.

Speaker 1 Like this actually might end up being in his favor where where he might get an offer from the live tour to come like cover golf for them yeah to run their social media account that would be great yeah yeah good good the goodbye friends though part like that if it if the if the parody marking on the literally says it's watermarked parody on the avatar or the misspelling of the word tour wasn't the giveaway, goodbye friends should have been the giveaway.

Speaker 1 But again, it's not right that people are retweeting this stuff in Brian Erlacher's feed.

Speaker 1 So So I'm going to defend him on this one, even though he was trending for like all of Saturday night because of it.

Speaker 3 Unforced error.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah, my who's back of the week is making fun of yourself. So last week, the talk of the NFL world was how Leonard Fournette gained weight.

Speaker 5 He then responded by posting a meme of an overweight guy in a suit with his face on it. Camp in two days.
Love y'all. I'm off.
And it went viral. So he's leaning into the joke a little bit, which

Speaker 5 is cool.

Speaker 1 It's funny. Yeah.
How, Jason. Here's a funny picture.
How was PLL? You did a great job. You were on ESPN too.
Did you say it was a success all around? Didn't get canceled.

Speaker 5 Thank you. Yes.
Didn't get canceled. That's always the first big check mark.
I thought it went well over all a few things I'm going to beat myself up over.

Speaker 5 But

Speaker 5 yeah, I thought it was good. I hopefully will get more opportunities either with them or more sports coming in the future.
We'll see.

Speaker 3 What was the Diet Coke situation like in the press box?

Speaker 5 Didn't see any Diet Coke, but I wasn't looking out for Diet Coke. I'm a water-only guy.

Speaker 3 And what about the spread? They have cold cuts?

Speaker 5 I didn't eat before. I had a turkey sandwich four hours before game time.

Speaker 1 Nice. Say no.
Safe.

Speaker 1 Safe. Plain lays? Yeah.

Speaker 5 No chips.

Speaker 1 The most important question, Jake, what is give us one of the things you're going to beat yourself up for so we can then bring it up to you.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 5 guy I was working with, Ryan Boyle is one of the best lacrosse players who's ever played the game.

Speaker 1 He

Speaker 5 said the Redwoods should shoot a two-pointer. Five seconds later, they shot a two-pointer.
And I'm like, oh, that's Tony Romo-esque. And then I kind of was like, oh, no, he works for CBS.

Speaker 5 I'm calling this on the SPN. Is that going to be a big deal that I'm kind of like promoting?

Speaker 1 That was so good. You know what?

Speaker 1 I actually remember that moment because I stopped watching your broadcast says you tuned into CBS. I was like, something in my brain clicked.
I was like, wait, I haven't checked on CBS in a while.

Speaker 1 So I turned off ESPN2 and started watching CBS because of the promotion you gave them.

Speaker 5 Yeah. So I was in the commercial, I'm like, oh no.
Like, was that bad? But then the producer's like, don't worry about it.

Speaker 1 It's all good.

Speaker 1 No shit.

Speaker 3 I noticed you didn't do the Collins Worth slide at the beginning of it, probably for the same reason. You didn't want to give any shine to NBC.
So

Speaker 3 they'll be sure to check that one off as, yes, he passed that test, but ultimately he tanked our ratings.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so I apologize to ESPN for that. I should have said it was like Dan Orlovsky-esque, or

Speaker 5 I can't say John Gruden anymore. I can say Troy Aikman now.
So I should have used a different comparison.

Speaker 1 It was Dan Orlovsky-esque

Speaker 3 because he wasn't jacking off while he shot the shot.

Speaker 5 Yes. He was at the games, actually, with his kids.
Oh, good.

Speaker 1 Less time to be alone with a woman in a room.

Speaker 5 Hopefully I don't

Speaker 5 hopefully I still get invited back due to that error.

Speaker 1 So I apologize. Let's pray.
Let's pray.

Speaker 1 Okay. Let's get to Andrew Schultz.
Great interview, long interview. We had him in studio last week.

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Speaker 1 Make sure that you're living your healthiest life with getroman.com slash PMT and you get $15 off your first order of Roman tea support. Okay, here he is, comedian Andrew Schultz.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is comedian Andrew Schultz.
He has a new special out called Infamous. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Go buy it. Yeah.
AndrewSchultz.com. Theandrew Schultz.com.
Some fucking

Speaker 1 really?

Speaker 1 Early days, too. No way.

Speaker 1 That's such a scumbag move. Did you have a conversation with them? Nah, I didn't even try.
Really? Because I think this was even before you could reach out to people. Like, this is before Instagram.

Speaker 1 This is like maybe Twitter days. So I was just like, fuck it, take the website.
So you can have it.

Speaker 3 Is it probably another guy named Andrew, Andrew Schultz, or do you just get it just to take it from you?

Speaker 1 I'm hoping it's another Andrew Schultz. Well, no, wouldn't it be cool though if he was like this Andrew Schultz guy, he's promised he believed himself.
Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Like that there's that one guy who I think like very early internet days like bought all of MLB teams. Yeah, people like the Yankees and everything.
That's smart. No, that's smart.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 People try to do that with like ETH and shit. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So someone for my for my Venmo. And so they just get random Venmos sometimes and Venmo won't give me my name from them.

Speaker 1 So they're getting money from you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're getting, they're getting, well, they're taking money that from your friends when you guys go out to dinner yeah that's like meant for me oh that's and there's nothing they can do about it that is there's no such thing as like a blue check on venmo dude that's a great fucking hot oh that's a great hustle yeah he's just making tons of money sorry so infamous is out yo infamous is out buy it when you're looking for somewhere my water no i got it yeah man go buy it man that'd be great i'll yeah i'm selling on my website so i was telling you before we started that uh i was listening to you on tim dylan um tim dylan should come on the show he was being a pussy about covid and then he got covid which was very funny he should be a pussy about COVID.

Speaker 1 He's, you know, he's

Speaker 1 not built to beat it.

Speaker 1 So, but you said,

Speaker 1 like, I'll know

Speaker 1 if I made it or not, like, instantly because of this, you know, I'm going direct to the people. I have a huge YouTube following.
They're going to go buy it. So it's been a couple days.

Speaker 1 And you made it. Yeah.
Yeah. It hit the numbers.

Speaker 1 Tell us the numbers. Give us the numbers.

Speaker 1 Give us the money. How much money did you put in your pocket? We.

Speaker 1 So after the

Speaker 1 money's gross, but it's influential, right? Yes.

Speaker 1 That's the shitty thing about money is like, you don't want to tell people how much money you made, but at the same time, like, that's how they're going to judge your success. Right.
So, like,

Speaker 1 yeah, we made, like,

Speaker 1 so far over 3 million. Wow.
So that was cool because I had to put up a lot to get it back and I had to like sacrifice a lot to get it back. Yeah, so tell that story.

Speaker 1 So you were going to be on, was it Amazon? That's what people are saying.

Speaker 1 No, it wasn't amazon maybe okay so so let's say i hate being a bitch about this show i just want to let you know because we're acting i like the no no i i i because i like the exec at the streaming company and i don't want to be a fucking hypocrite because i'm doing projects with all these fucking streaming companies i'm just i only care about comedy right you got to force me to act right i don't i'm saying this right now and every time i say it i get offered another gig I don't like acting.

Speaker 1 Right. I'm bad at it.

Speaker 1 But they keep offering shit. They make Godfather 4.
I'll do it because I like the movie.

Speaker 1 Bro, they made white men can't jump. And it was like, literally, the director almost didn't put me in it.
And I was like, why?

Speaker 1 He was like, well, I listened to Brilliant Idiots, and you specifically said, Don't cast me, I'll ruin your movie. No, but that's good.
That's good marketing for yourself.

Speaker 3 I don't want to do your project. Now I want to write a movie and put you in it.

Speaker 1 They're the thing they can't have. I'll make you act.
You act for me. I hate acting too.
Yeah, no, dude, acting's the worst. We should never be in a movie.

Speaker 3 It sucks that we're so

Speaker 3 fucking good at it because it sucks and I'll never do it again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe that's the strategy.

Speaker 1 You are. You're there watching.
You're my last point. You're not used to it because it's Hollywood.

Speaker 3 You're like a boxer that retires after every fight. You're like, okay, this is my last fight.
I'm done.

Speaker 1 Bro, I always did that with this special. Really? I was like nervous.
I was like, should I just say it's my last special? I'm like, because I don't know how the fuck this thing works, right?

Speaker 1 Like, there's no metric for success early on. So I'm like, do I call my friends that have done like the pay-per-view shit and like see when the orders come in? I have no clue.
Right. And

Speaker 1 yeah, thank God it fucking it did good.

Speaker 1 So you're not snitching because I'm asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you were supposed to, let's just say a hypothesis

Speaker 1 streamer. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And you were going to do the special with them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they see. Contract signed, everything ready to go.
They've seen the special. They know the fucking jokes.
They saw me live.

Speaker 1 And they were like, Andrew, you say the N-word way too much in this special. Just enough.

Speaker 1 What I said was just enough. And there's only one way you can find out.
Where's my camera? If you go to theandrewsaltz.gov right now. Just enough.

Speaker 1 You'll know it when you feel it what just enough is. But so they were like, they tried to give you notes and they tried to cut a joke, right? There were a few jokes they wanted to cut.

Speaker 1 So what were the jokes? There was a Ted Bundy joke where I'm basically saying that the women deserved it. Okay.
And there's like a lot of people who are like, I can see how

Speaker 1 the streamer would be like this uncomfortable. I'm being fucking hyperbolic a little bit.
Of course. I watched the.
Did you guys see the documentary about Ted? I did, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, like the way he's killing these girls is the thing that stuck out to me is like he asked them if they could help fix his car. Right.
And it's like,

Speaker 1 the fuck you know about fixing cars, lady? Well, but

Speaker 1 as a counterpoint, like this is what, the 1970s? That's no triple-a. Like, people just ask, like, I feel like that happened where you just be like, hey, can you help me?

Speaker 1 He walked up to a lady with stockings. Yeah, just like, can you help fix my Volkswagen Beetle? But you're thinking of it.
Hold on, hold on. Wait, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Your car is fucked on the side of the road.
But you're thinking of it as a post-Ted Bundy world. This is a pre-Ted Bundy world.
Like, this is before Ted Bundy went around asking everybody.

Speaker 1 Which is a criticism existed and women didn't work yet. Yeah, right.
You're like, why are you out of the house? But also, people didn't get murdered.

Speaker 1 You were making a pie and putting it on a windowsill? They didn't get murdered. He's talking about fixing a handsome guy's car.

Speaker 3 He's talking about strictly from a mechanic perspective.

Speaker 1 Oh, I know that. I know that.
But, like, they need to say, like, oh, shit, I've heard about Ted Bundy. I'm not feminist.
You can see the world half full. You're a feminist.

Speaker 1 When you see a woman. Dude, I have a daughter.
Come on. There it is.
Yeah. The future's female.
Fuck yeah. Right.
So it's like you see a woman, you see a woman that could fix a car. Why not?

Speaker 1 Well, because I'm also, I can't fix a car. What? I can't fix it.
But I would stop.

Speaker 1 I would stop you and I'd be like, hey, buddy, can you help me fix a car? You're like, fuck no, dude. And I'd be like, all right.
Right?

Speaker 1 But if I stopped a girl and I was like, do you think you might be able to fix a car? She's like, oh, yeah, you know, I'm Marissa fucking Tome. Well, you're not as good looking as Ted Bundy.

Speaker 1 Right? That's true. Right.
That's true. And he was good looking for the time.
Right. Like, if you look at him now, I don't think objectively he's like like that good.

Speaker 3 No, he's still hot.

Speaker 1 You think?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I went back and I was like, damn, homeboy could get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he had that prep school look that like. Yeah, he did have a waspy thing.
Yeah, so I don't know if it's...

Speaker 3 It would be an honor, actually, to be murdered by Texas.

Speaker 1 So what you guys are saying is, do you agree? It was the girl's fault. Maybe he threw it.
Maybe the girls knew exactly who he was.

Speaker 3 And maybe they were like, yeah, choke me, Daddy.

Speaker 1 That's it. Yeah.
So anyway, so that was one of the jokes. And they were like, we don't like you taking this position where it's the girl's fault.
Right.

Speaker 1 And I was like, that's reasonable, but it's funny. We're just joking around.

Speaker 1 It's comedy. You're not saying it.
You're not saying it as a matter of fact on CNN. I believe in none of this.

Speaker 1 Right, right. All of it is bullshit.
Yeah, it's just for fun. Right.
Like, I'm not doing fucking think pieces. Like, Chappelle can do the think pieces.
Right. Okay.
I'm going to make you laugh. Right.

Speaker 3 If Malcolm Gladwell went back and like wrote an expose, like an essay on why the women deserve to be killed by somebody, which he might do, which would be an interesting pivot for him, then that's one thing, but you're on stage telling a joke about it.

Speaker 1 Exactly. So even him, half of his shit is bullshit anyway.
Right. I asked him once.
I was like, do you ever like go back on your opinions? He's like, oh, yeah, it's wrong all the time.

Speaker 1 It's like, I mix stuff up. Motherfucker, I put 10,000 hours into being a masseuse.
Yeah. Because you said.

Speaker 1 Malcolm Gladwell is the perfect case of a guy who's just smart enough that dumb people like ourselves think he's a genius. And then real smart people are like, no, no, no, no, this guy's full of shit.

Speaker 1 And then when the real smart people try to explain why he's full of shit, I get lost.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I'm just going to fucking read this book about how if I shoot free throws for 10,000 hours, I'll be in the NBA. Exactly.
Like, that's all I want to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you need someone that's like, can communicate at your IQ. Right.
But just a little bit smarter than you. Right.
Yeah. It's like, that's the Neil deGrasse Tyson thing.
Yeah. Do you guys have it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, we've had him on. Yeah.
Oh, really? Yeah. He sucks, huh? Yeah.
I mean, he's cocky.

Speaker 3 He does suck. He does suck about a lot of things.

Speaker 1 But a lot humbug about everything.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 he fills in a nice niche in America, which is like, we need one nerd. We can only really do one nerd at a time.
Yeah. And right now he's king nerd.

Speaker 3 I think Malcolm Gladwell is like, like, he's the second tier guy. But like if you need a nerd, if you need a smart guy, it's just like ask Neil Tyson.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
My only issue with him is he's such like a downer about everything. It's like, right.
You're celebrating Christmas and they're like, well, there's no way that he could deliver the present.

Speaker 1 Right. No, that shit sucks.
But it's actually kind of, I would say, why Joe Rogan is very popular too is because he talks about a lot of subjects that like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't have enough time to learn about this subject, but he talks about it in a way with people where it's just above like my threshold of knowledge.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm like, damn, he's making some good points. And Joe's genius is he just calls himself an idiot all the time, and he's not.
Right. But he just

Speaker 1 is idiots. Yeah.
What do you mean? We are idiots.

Speaker 1 Barcelona's done this very well. You're like, we're just the guys, but you're all like really fucking smart and you have like nuanced comedy.
Yeah. You're like, it's just the guys.

Speaker 1 That means a billion-dollar business. But it's just the guys.
We're just hanging out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'm going to pull back the veil. Yeah.
Yeah. Don't tell him.

Speaker 1 Don't tell him that we all go home and read books every night. No, this entire show, like everything that we do every day, we spend about three hours before every podcast scripting the show.

Speaker 3 Every word is written out. Brilliant.
And then, yeah, it's really like there's a lot of work that goes into sounding this stuff. There's some people that actually believe that too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That think that everything's like written and planned out. Like part of my take is rigged is essentially what they're saying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, scripted.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Like, I think like we're like, all right, now we're going to do this joke. Now we're going to do this.
Now we're going to do that.

Speaker 1 And it's literally just us being like, what should we talk about?

Speaker 1 about and then we're like all right Let's that's the best compliment Right because they can't conceive that people are gonna be that interesting or funny just off the cuff because they don't think they are so they're like no these guys are faking it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I could see that. I do think there's um I think there's a level of intelligence.

Speaker 1 I think we're like if you pulled back the veil of barstall it's not that we're very smart It's that we know that we're not very smart Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I think you guys undersell your intelligence But there's a level of like knowing where you're stupid and having that like, it's like pretty much stupid people, people who are a little bit smarter, but know they're not that smart, and then really smart people.

Speaker 1 One more thing.

Speaker 1 Passion.

Speaker 1 Yes. You will be smarter than the average person at the thing you're passionate about.
Correct.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 like obsession, like passion and obsession. Like you can talk circles around fucking Malcolm Gladwell when it comes to like, I don't know, the NFL Combine or just any of these types of things.

Speaker 1 So now they're the idiot. Right.
So you guys ideally get people that actually really love what they're talking about. And that's just, that's just general podcasting.

Speaker 1 If you like, I've always thought like anyone who's passionate about anything,

Speaker 1 you just want to hear them talk about it. Yeah.
Because like they're excited about it. You're going to get excited about it.

Speaker 1 And we are very passionate about sports, but we also know it's very dumb at the end of the day. Like that's what...
Everything's dumb. Everything's dumb.
There's no point to anything. Correct.

Speaker 3 Neil Tyson will tell you like the Earth will be swallowed by the sun six billion years.

Speaker 1 But it's like, shut up shit. Who cares? Who gives a fuck? Yeah, who cares? Yeah, that really annoys me, that guy.
So also them geeking out about that stupid picture that they got from the telescope.

Speaker 1 Oh, I hated it.

Speaker 3 I like that picture.

Speaker 1 Can you explain why?

Speaker 3 Yeah, because it made me feel so small.

Speaker 3 It reminded me of how insignificant everything that we do truly is, which in a way is freeing. It's like liberating to know that, like you just said, who gives a shit?

Speaker 3 It's the ultimate reminder of who cares because you look up at the sky and the piece of the sky that's the size of a grain of sand contains like 5,000 galaxies that you can't even see.

Speaker 3 It just reminds you, okay, well, really, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter that the Washington Commanders have to deal with Carson Wentz as their quarterback.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's how you deal with your misery.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. This is like your 12-step.

Speaker 3 It really, it really, it lets you know that the stuff that you're upset about right now, even though it feels like it's the biggest thing in the world, and this could be anybody out there with whatever problem they have.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Ultimately, it doesn't really matter.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, I think the exact opposite.

Speaker 1 I'm with you. Where I was like, I looked at the picture.
I was a center of the universe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I looked at the picture and I was like, all right, like if they showed me like the Rose Bowl on this, I'd be like, oh, that's cool. Now I understand it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, but when I was looking, I was like, what am I looking at? I want to believe that our lives are important. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to believe that what we're doing has value because then I can get up every way and grind. It doesn't.
We all kind of fucking know this. Right.
It's like, why I like religion.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It's like, be nice to people. Don't rape.
And it's like, why not? Fucking God.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He told us not to.

Speaker 1 Like, you just need to fucking read. Hey, the sun revolves around the earth.

Speaker 1 And then some asshole Copernicus who was smoking out like 12-year-olds is like, no, it's the other way it's like shut up why do you

Speaker 1 guys

Speaker 1 who gives a no they killed him they were like good kill you yeah we wrote it down in all the books already you should have told us before we wrote the books all right so here's my question for you i i do this thought experiment every now and then yeah just like i i and it's probably wrong for me to do it but i always think like what if What if I just stopped, right?

Speaker 1 What if I retired tomorrow? Okay. How long would it take for people to just forget about me? Maybe like a month? What would it be for you? Like, do you ever think about that?

Speaker 1 It's a scary one because it's like you think about

Speaker 1 even

Speaker 1 Deesus and Merrow just broke up. So we're taking

Speaker 1 so they break up and I'm thinking about it and it's like everyone's upset and it sucks. But like in two months, like people are like, oh yeah, that was fun.
Move on, bro. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Everyone moves on with their life. So it's like, that's the way I kind of envision like how I humble myself, right?

Speaker 1 Where I'm like, if I just stop tomorrow, I think people would be sad for like a couple weeks and then they'd be like, all right, what's this podcast? Because they also have to move on. Right.

Speaker 1 And it's not even that you weren't important to them. It's that they also need something to like give them joy and distract them during their day.
Right. So you can't even blame them for that shit.

Speaker 1 Right. You know what I mean? It's like, how long are you even going to mourn like a family member that dies? Like eventually you got to keep going.
24 hours. Tops.
Tops. Tops.
Tops.

Speaker 1 Older or younger than me. That's the question.
I'm just a sociopath. I like this.
I fucking like this.

Speaker 1 No. Yeah.
So, like, you're going to have to move on. I hear what you're saying.
I'm wondering how much. That's the tricky thing, even now, because I put out the special.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I don't like to tour non-stop right like I want to reflect on my new life and then I want to do comedy I want to do in small little clubs and bounce around the city and like develop new jokes and like I want the comedy to be something that I'm passionate about that's gonna take time right like people are asking me well when you go on tour I'm like I'm not going on tour right not until I have something that I want to tour right you know what I mean yeah yeah so if you died the night of a show right and people had already bought their tickets they spent like 40 bucks would they be more upset that they're like oh man i can't believe he died that's so sad he was such a good guy yeah the world will be an empty place or will they be like i wonder if i can get my 40 bucks back that's um i think they're gonna be some people upset about that 40 bucks yeah they're gonna be some people upset that like they had a plan that was ruined there's there's that great patrice o'neal bit that um

Speaker 1 about like uh you know like he was on the subway

Speaker 1 and uh you know they stopped the subway and they're like, sorry, everybody, there's been a horrible accident. The subway hit somebody and then ran them over.

Speaker 1 And, you know, there's a few seconds of the subway. Like, oh, my God.
It's just.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, right, right, right.
Just look at this. You look at the watch within 10 seconds.
Like, I got shit that I got to do. Yeah.
Yeah, I guess

Speaker 1 that's how you stay humble. I don't know.
That's what you need. You need a good balance of confidence and insecurity.

Speaker 1 Or you could just be the, I actually respect the fully confident people that are 100% confident in the world. Don't they make anything good?

Speaker 1 I mean, our boss, Dave, is definitely one of those people. Like, he's always confident in himself.
He's confident in himself. We had him on the pod.

Speaker 1 He's confident in himself, but he still has the chip. And the chip drives him.
Yes. It moves him.
So the decisions that he makes, that's with 100% confidence. That's what you need.

Speaker 1 You need the confidence to make the decision. So you're not like stuck in the mud, but you need the insecurity or you need the, it's like the Jordan shit.

Speaker 1 Like, Jordan's like making up people that are criticizing him that don't even exist because he needs the extra motivation to go 1,000%.

Speaker 1 So I think that's what it is.

Speaker 1 It's like, you need the insecurity to get better, but you need the confidence to actually do some people so crippled they won't even try to do the thing that they love yeah but i just dave is uh very he's like one in a billion in the fact that like everything he does he feels like 100 confident in and it always works yeah like when everyone's like oh how how's this guy keep getting away because he tells the truth and he's he's just goes forward yeah and i i respect that because i'm i don't have that brain why what i just don't i have the brain of like if i woke up tomorrow like will like one day i'm gonna wake up and everyone's going to be like, oh, this guy's not funny anymore.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. You think that? Yeah, oh, yeah.
I look at it. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Like, like, a lot of NFL players, they, they get into the league and maybe they have a good, like, three, four seasons.

Speaker 3 And in the moment to them, it feels like I am the league, you know, like, like, I'm a big fucking shot. Yeah.
It takes, you know, one down year, maybe a bad injury.

Speaker 3 And next thing you know, like, there's a guy that they drafted that's taken his spot already.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like, the world, the world that we live in, making content, there's always going to be somebody that replaces you eventually.

Speaker 1 It's just the nature of the thing.

Speaker 1 I think that's why you got to nourish those people too. Like, Drake did it better than everybody, right? Like, like, Drake's co-signed every artist that's coming up.
It's smart, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's smart because you get to hop on the wave a little bit, but you also give them their first fucking single that goes crazy. So now they're indebted to you for life.
That's true.

Speaker 1 That's big homie for life. So, who are you doing that with?

Speaker 3 Who are you grooming? I mean,

Speaker 1 Drake does that with underage girls, too. Yeah.
Does he really? Wow.

Speaker 1 Allegedly. Allegedly.
17. It depends on what state you're in.
Really? Yeah, really. You shouldn't know the laws.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? You shouldn't know the states that are 17. I know you should.
I agree. Anybody.
Mississippi. Yeah, yeah.
I was in Arkansas. What are you talking about? That's an adult.

Speaker 3 Anybody that has that Rolodex ready to pull up in their brain, big red flag.

Speaker 1 So, wait, that's what they were saying? That he was grooming? I don't believe that.

Speaker 1 This is actually something that I just learned from PFT.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, he tells me that.

Speaker 1 It's a real thing.

Speaker 3 It's a real thing. I don't know all the details about it, but he's had a long track record of befriending young women on their way up and be like, I see a lot of talent.

Speaker 1 And who knows?

Speaker 3 It could be like completely benevolent. He could be just being a great guy, but it just so happens to be 14 to 17-year-old girls that he has repeatedly helped out on the way up.

Speaker 1 Pedophiles ruin everything, huh? They do. They fucking do.

Speaker 3 Name one good thing a pedophile has ever contributed to this world.

Speaker 3 That's it. Actually, Socrates.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, like Michelangelo.
Like,

Speaker 1 I mean, you guys know who Stavros is? Yeah,

Speaker 1 he was on the show. Okay, Stavros was great.
He had a really funny bit.

Speaker 3 It's like, you know, oh, I thought you were saying.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He is Greek.
Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 We just had him on. Do we have to delete that? No, he had a funny bit about, like,

Speaker 1 you know, why can't we separate the art from the artist? Like, when we were talking on the show, and he's like, dude, like, you know, we're not listening to R. Kelly.

Speaker 1 It's like, we still use the Pythagorean theorem. Yeah, right?

Speaker 1 Like, like, all these old Greek dudes were just smoking out little kids. Yeah.
And,

Speaker 1 and, yeah, that's, I mean, dude, that's, you know, that's the funny thing.

Speaker 1 I was talking to Timmy about this, and I've been trying to like work this out, but like, like, you live long enough, you become like the bigot.

Speaker 1 Like, the most progressive person right now, in like the hippie in the 60s, right now, is going like,

Speaker 1 why do dudes got to swim with chicks? Yeah, right. Right?

Speaker 1 And, like, the progressive, right? The armpit hair mom is now, like, freaking out. Right.

Speaker 1 And like, I wonder if that's the thing with the Catholic Church, where it's just like, they came around and like everybody in like early antiquity just had like a little boy that they would use as like a fleshlight, right?

Speaker 1 Like everybody, if you were successful, Michelangelo, fucking Galileo, Copernicus, all of them had little boys that they would. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then Catholicism comes around and like starts cleaning up shop. And they're like, listen, cut this fucking boy fucking out.
Stop fucking animals.

Speaker 1 There's like a brothel that's preserved in Pompeii that had the pictures of what you could buy. They're fucking animals and shit.
Like they're monsters, these people. Catholicism comes in, cleans up,

Speaker 1 and fast fast forward 2,000 years, they're the boyfuckers.

Speaker 1 And I wonder if, like, a few priests that know history are like,

Speaker 1 do you know how lucky y'all are? Yeah, like,

Speaker 1 we brought it down to like basically only a few thousand people. A few people.
It's a network. Immigrant moranity.
Yeah, right, right. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's not even happening in just one area. We'll take it to another area.
Like, this is the cost of your kids' anal freedom. Right.
Is that we had to clean this up. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's something hard to think about. Yeah.
Like, fuck. It would be crazier, would it not? Yeah, it would be crazier if religion didn't come.
Well, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Fuck, now we're getting really deep. Like, if I'm not talking about

Speaker 1 religion at all. This is thought experiment.
What I'm trying to say is we need something to organize society. Yeah.
We know we need that.

Speaker 1 Because people have to have an explanation for the things that can't be answered. There it is.
That's really what it is. And all people want answers and no one can answer them.
And a limit to that.

Speaker 1 That was the big thing with COVID when everyone was freaking out and how it swung so hard is that the people that are supposed to be the experts are supposed to tell us and they had no clue.

Speaker 1 Of course, we know why they had no clue, but that's where it all like fell apart where it's like, dude, you're supposed to be the ones that tell us it's going to be okay and you're not doing that.

Speaker 1 And everything falls apart because you need an adult. Everyone needs an adult in the room.
100% who could just be like, yeah, no, this is actually what's going on. 100%.

Speaker 1 It's back to the intelligence thing where like, I'm smart enough to know I'm not the smartest, but I need the smartest to tell us. We like smart people tell us.

Speaker 1 It's like why Elon is worth a trillion dollars. Right.
It's just like, oh, yeah, he's our smart guy. You tell us what to do.
This is so much easier if we organize our lives like this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the world needs smart guys.

Speaker 3 I just, I wish Elon would focus on one thing at a time, though. It seems like he's spread himself out pretty thin.

Speaker 1 Bro, you know what's so crazy about Elon? Is it like,

Speaker 1 you know how he's getting a lot of hate? Like, it went Trump, Rogan, and now it's Elon. Yeah, Dave's been mixed in there.
Oh, it's a few times. It was like Trump, Rogan, Dave, Rogan.

Speaker 1 I've always had the theory that Dave is just the, he, he is like the easier target of all those guys. Yeah.
So it's like he's a step below Trump, Rogan, and Elon. So everyone's like, we can get him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because you can't get Trump.
You can't get Elon. They're learning that if they go at Dave, they don't get the results.
Right. So I think they just move on.
Yeah, because he punches back.

Speaker 1 Exactly. And like hard.
Yes, way hard.

Speaker 1 And it's really like great to see.

Speaker 1 Way, way hard. Exactly.
It's going to be tough for you to go to Jamba Juice the next day. Yeah.
You know, like when you have to say your name. You want to go to Soul Cycle? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Mean looks like blunt bitches

Speaker 1 But yeah, so it's like Elon came out and I think he I think Elon thought that he was bigger than the system. Yeah.
And I don't know what the system is. Who knows who they are, whatever.

Speaker 1 But like, no one is. No one is.
And that motherfucker's learning, bro. Yeah.
Because like all of a sudden the Tesla started crashing. And not that they weren't crashing.

Speaker 1 We just weren't hearing about it. Yeah.
And then every week there's a new article. Listen.

Speaker 1 The dad fucking the daughter. A lot of this stuff.
Yeah, that's crazy. That's what it fucked up.
How did we not know?

Speaker 3 So it was, yeah, it's not like it was a big secret, really.

Speaker 3 It's just somebody, what happens is somebody will just like find a quote from like an old interview online, take a screenshot of it, and be like, how did nobody realize this earlier?

Speaker 3 And it turns out that he was having kids with not just his stepdaughter, which is bad, very bad, like Woody Allen stuff. Yeah.
But he raised her from the time that she was four years old. Crazy.

Speaker 1 He's got two kids. So fucked up.
Bro, it's like, and that's Elon's sister.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Slap your dad's dick out of your sister.
Yeah. Sister/slash, wouldn't it be mother? No,

Speaker 1 step-moms. Stepmom, yeah.
Stepmom. Oh, now.
Yeah. It's a sister slash stepmom.

Speaker 1 If they're married. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think they're broken up, but yeah. That's fucked up.
Why'd they break up?

Speaker 1 That's sad. I mean, if you're going to go to the badge,

Speaker 1 if you're going to go to those links and at least make it work for life, you know? Didn't I raise you to commit to things? No, but you're right. Like the

Speaker 1 Dave piece, like his, everything that's happened in the last couple of years, I'm convinced a lot of it has to do with he started making a mockery of Wall Street and the Davey Day trader stuff when he's like, it's all fucking fake.

Speaker 1 Like, stocks only go up. I think that had a lot to do with because he pissed off a lot of people who've been playing this game for a really long time.

Speaker 1 And they don't want someone to come and shine a light and be like, hey, this is all just kind of a joke. If you disrupt a powerful institution, they will come for you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because their life depends on it. It's like you're fucking with their money.
You're fucking with their family. Yeah, you're exposing like what they've been kind of rolling with for a very long time.

Speaker 1 Nobody said anything about Elon until he was like, I'm no longer a Democrat. Yeah.
And then literally a few weeks later was like, remember when your dad fucks kids?

Speaker 1 Right? Like

Speaker 1 this, like they knew that the whole time.

Speaker 1 But he went a little solid. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Fuck. I just wish he'd focus though, because he's

Speaker 3 at the same time, he's like trying to, he's claiming he's trying to defend free speech. Yeah.
He's also trying to save the human race by taking us to Mars. He's inventing autopilot cars.
The subway.

Speaker 1 He invented the subway when he drilled that tunnel to his girlfriend's house.

Speaker 1 He did. He's like, yeah, we're all going to get in a tunnel and go from point A to point B.
It's like,

Speaker 1 the subway? Are there going to be snapple bottles rolling around? Yeah, can we maybe fix the fact that every time it rains in New York City, the subway gets flooded? Let's start there.

Speaker 3 He's like, we're going to do a subway, but you're all going to still drive your own cars.

Speaker 1 How does that sound?

Speaker 3 And they're going to be my cars.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no,

Speaker 3 he's just all over the place. I think he's taking a copious amount of Adderall.
I I think the dude is just like drifting from one topic.

Speaker 3 He just needs to focus in on one thing and just really lock in on that.

Speaker 1 Dominate it.

Speaker 3 Either space. Do you want to go to space? Do you want to go underground? Or do you want to defend free speech? Just pick maybe two out of those.

Speaker 1 He's also, like, we have a theory, and it's not like a novel theory, but like any guy who, or any person, because I'm a feminist, any woman guy who has that much money and doesn't buy a sports team can't be trusted.

Speaker 1 Piece of shit. Because it's like, what is the point of having that much money and not owning a sports franchise? Like that's that's the end goal of society.
Would you do it? Yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 I would stop doing everything else and that would now be my career.

Speaker 1 Yes, the end goal is like buy an NFL team. That's what rich people do.
They don't fucking try to cure like the world of all its problems and go to Mars.

Speaker 1 They fucking buy the Panthers and then get pissed when they go seven and nine. So $10 billion.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who are you buying? I mean, I would buy the Bears, but I'd buy any team that was

Speaker 1 at that point.

Speaker 1 But you're not starting with football. I would start.
Football is the top. Okay, you know, there are franchises that you guys could probably buy now.
Well, I actually invested in a

Speaker 1 soccer team in Wales that was in the EPL and then got relegated. I've lost all the money I invested.
Oh, no. It wasn't a lot, but it was still stupid.
So

Speaker 1 we tried it.

Speaker 3 We own the world's worst lacrosse team. Yeah, that's it.
And we have a part ownership stake in an MBL team, which is a New Zealand professional basketball team, the Breakers.

Speaker 1 But this is just pieces. Like, I want to be the owner.
You want to be. And that's what a rich guy should want to do.
They should want to be like, I have all this money. I can't spend all this money.

Speaker 1 Let me go just fucking win a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 If you believe you could do it. And that's better than Mars.

Speaker 1 Like, being the guy who gets handed the Lombardi trophy is so much better than Mars. It is.
You can't fucking convince me otherwise. It is.
What's on Mars? We heard the pictures. Right.

Speaker 1 It's fucking crazy to me. So that's why Elon, like, dude, just buy, if Elon bought like an NBA team tomorrow, I'd be like, all right, now he's on Tristram.
He's on Knicks. Yeah, he's on True.

Speaker 1 It's so cool. Yeah, so you're a diehard Knicks fan, right? I can't say diehard anymore, but I've been like a seasoned ticket holder forever.
I'm just annoyed. And it's like so obvious the problem.

Speaker 1 Like, my buddy was showing me the board of the Knicks. There's like five Dolans on the board.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can't tell me.

Speaker 1 That the five best people to increase shareholder profits happen to have your last name. Right.
Like, that's not possible. Right.
Right? Right. Like, there's something wrong there, right? Right.

Speaker 1 And I was talking to Timmy about this as well. Just like, this is why you can't trust an epitome.

Speaker 1 Like, I admire people who have like family businesses and stuff like that, and they continue to be good, but like, you're not going to get the IQ.

Speaker 1 You're going to have a dumb fucking kid or a dumb fucking daughter, whatever it is, and they're not going to be able to run the team. And he just won't relinquish the fucking team.

Speaker 1 It's the old saying, like, the first generation builds it, the second generation maintains it, the third generation destroys it. 100%.
Like, that's really what.

Speaker 1 And it actually always makes sense when you look at it and you're like, why is things going bad? It's like, oh, because it's the fucking grandkid who has been rich his entire life.

Speaker 1 And, like, what do they care?

Speaker 3 That's the George W. Bush.
Yeah. Like, the Bush family in action right there.
First guy, he made the billions. Second guy led the CIA, became president.
Third guy destroyed the country.

Speaker 1 That's kind of how it goes. That's why the Kennedys are genius because the third generation just dies in tragic ways.
Yes. Before they can fucking up.
They could fuck it up. It's Shakespearean.

Speaker 1 It's brilliant. And they are broke now, the Kennedys.
And they keep the lure because it's like, what if?

Speaker 3 What if these tragic things hadn't happened?

Speaker 1 That Joseph Kennedy, though? Oh, bad guy. That motherfucker.
Bad guy. He's a badass.

Speaker 1 He designed the whole thing. He's the architect.
Like, he was like, literally, my son is going to be president. I'm going to sell drugs or fucking bootleg or whatever the hell he did.

Speaker 3 He was a bootlegger.

Speaker 1 He was a bootlegger, right? He's a Nazi sympathizer. Was he really? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Bush is too.

Speaker 1 Do you watch Peaky Blinders? I watched the first two or three seasons. All right, so the last season, there's a character that's pretty much just Joseph Kennedy.

Speaker 1 I watched until the Hasidic Jew was a badass and I was like, I think I'm out. You don't like fucking, no, what's his name? Tom,

Speaker 1 he's an amazing. He's Tom Hardy.
He's an amazing. I just didn't buy the whole thing.
Why? Like, you're going to fight people. They're always out of breath.
Like, you know,

Speaker 1 like, come on.

Speaker 1 They're your henchmen. I don't believe not believable for you anymore.
You can wear like 40 pounds of cloth. Like, it's just not, it's not going to happen.
I'm sorry. But that's, yeah,

Speaker 1 he did. He set up the whole thing.
And he also, like, I've read a little bit about him. And it's like, Joseph Kennedy, like, he basically had the brains to be president himself.

Speaker 1 He didn't have the demeanor. He didn't have the story and he didn't have the demeanor.
Like, people, like, FDR was like, this guy's an asshole. Yeah.
Like, he's too much, like, he's too abrasive.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And, like, that's, and so he basically was like, my sons will be a little less abrasive, a little less of an asshole, and put it all together.
And it wasn't supposed to be JFK.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was supposed to be. Remember, his brother, his older brother, died in World War II.

Speaker 1 And I think they crafted a story for JFK's, like, what happened with JFK when he went to war wasn't exactly what happened. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 They kind of like manipulated the story to make him look a little bit more heroic because he understood. It's like that's what I'm impressed by.

Speaker 1 Obviously, you can't talk to a guy like that, but like, I'm like, how did you understand society and human reaction at a time where there's no fucking internet, nothing? This is just gut instinct.

Speaker 1 You know how to manipulate people. Yeah.
And

Speaker 1 I mean, you want to talk about like self-belief. Yeah.
Confidence. Yeah, to be like, my son's going to be president.
But also like kind of come from the mud. Like you're a gangster.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're a gangster. And you're not even, you're not mobbed up.
Right.

Speaker 1 Like you are mob but you're not like italian mob right right right like but you're working with those guys you got those guys working that to me is incredibly impressive yeah and it seems like almost the american way it's like you come here you do some kind of shady illegal

Speaker 3 you get your bread and then you go legit yeah you clean it up for your for your kids that's it and if you don't clean it up by the next generation and you get clipped that's on you yeah yeah i kind of feel like it was easier to to do something like that back in the day though because if you want your son to be president and you're a rich dude and you're well known there's like three guys at that point that ran all the media in the United States right it's like three newspaper barons maybe one guy that makes newsreels and he worked in Hollywood too yeah he worked in Hollywood so so you can just you can make the country believe whatever narrative it is that you want there's nobody there was no Twitter back then for people to be like actually his war record wasn't that impressive I pulled up these files you know like it was much more difficult to uh to to break whatever narrative already existed out there so so under this entire hypothetical that would mean that like my kids and KFC's kids, they're the ones that will take barstool to mainstream, like to like, we'll be on TV and shit.

Speaker 1 Fuck TV. We were on TV for one day.
Yeah. It was awesome.

Speaker 1 No, no, it was, well, no, we did. Oh, no, you had the ESPN.
You had ESPN, yeah, for one day.

Speaker 1 But that was going public. Like, that was trying to clean up our, like, the olive oil business, being like, hey, look, we're selling olive oil now.
And they're like, no, you aren't.

Speaker 1 You said all this shit. If you want to know who the mobsters are, just look at who's selling olives.
Yeah, right. Exactly.
Just diversify a little bit. Go there, yeah.
Trash and olive oil.

Speaker 1 So wait, all right, what there's a long way to go to what were the other jokes that got cut?

Speaker 1 I love this interview, though, because whenever we have interviews,

Speaker 1 I'll have notes and shit. I haven't looked at my computer in a lot.
I think this is the most fun. Like, let's just fucking talk about it.
And it's almost like,

Speaker 1 I just like chopping it up. Yeah.
Obviously, I want to promote the special. And

Speaker 1 there's part of me that wants to do that, but at the same time, I just like fucking talking shit. Yeah, if people go see it, that, that's, that's awesome.

Speaker 1 But the jokes that you got cut are in the special. Exactly.
Yeah. So the Ted, well, they didn't get cut.
We didn't cut it. It was a Ted Bundy joke.

Speaker 1 It was another, there was another Michael Jackson joke in there that they didn't love that much. And

Speaker 1 a lot of victim blaming here.

Speaker 1 Sensing a trend.

Speaker 1 And then there was like parts of this abortion bit that I put out that they were like, it was kind of like, there was silly. The line,

Speaker 1 it was like a Harry Potter reference that I had for whatever reason they didn't like. Really? Yeah, the line was fetus deletus.
Like, it was a spell. And

Speaker 1 they were not feeling it. They weren't feeling it.
So, wait, well, how's that conversation go when they're like, here are your notes?

Speaker 1 Did you have, was there any moment where you're like, I want to work this through? I want to work with you guys. I'm like, guys, well, let me know what's going on.

Speaker 1 Like, one, I'm bummed that you didn't tell me this before.

Speaker 1 So, this was right before we're supposed to go? No, no, no, no. We were going to, I wanted to finish the tour first.
So, we were going to push it back.

Speaker 1 And then, kind of what I think what really happened is like culture changed a little bit. Like,

Speaker 1 you know, the Chappelle trans thing. Yeah.
I think freaked out.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And they were like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 This is this crazy backlash. It looks crazy.
There's no backlash. But there's crazy backlash just for jokes.
I don't know if we can do this.

Speaker 1 And also, I'm like, I'm a white guy and I'm like making fun of every single like race and religion and gender in the crowd. Right.

Speaker 1 Now, if you're at the show, you watch the show, it doesn't feel bad because those people are there laughing at at it. If I'm doing the blackface joke to a black dude, it's not bad.

Speaker 1 If everybody's in the audience is white and I'm talking about these things, then maybe it gets a little sensitive. But like at my shows, it's the most diverse fucking audience.

Speaker 1 So it's like, I'm busting balls with everybody. It's fine.
But I understand an executive board that's just like, wait a minute, white guy

Speaker 1 making fun of Somalians. Right.

Speaker 1 This is weird. Alert.
Do we want to attach ourselves to this?

Speaker 1 Have you noticed, though?

Speaker 1 I feel like just anecdotally, like it's now starting to swing back towards comedy where people are now, because there was that moment where it felt like there was, uh, well, you can't make these jokes, people can't do these things.

Speaker 1 Now it feels like comedians have kind of taken it back a little bit, being like, it's comedy, it's supposed to be ridiculous and stupid and not real life, and people are supposed to laugh, and we're supposed to make you think about fucked up things.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so do you think that that's actually like occurred where people, and why is that? Is that just because you guys now own it?

Speaker 1 Like, YouTube, you, yeah, you being able to say, here's my special and and that's what it is It's like what you guys did with sports.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like every single I mean, there's gonna be disruption in every industry, but it's like once you feel the real it's hard to go back like and I'm not trying to like blow smoke up your guys ass, but like once you watch Once you watch shows here talk about sports.

Speaker 1 It's hard to watch the guy in the suit Yeah, make like Gucci main puns. Right.
Do you know what I mean? Like it's just harder. Like once you feel the real, it's hard to go back to the phony.

Speaker 1 So I think that happened with media. I think that happened like, obviously, with Rogan and podcasting.

Speaker 1 And I think it's happening with comedy where it's like, you saw the comedies on Netflix and you saw the comedy that was on Comedy Central. God awful, right? They're in the tubes.

Speaker 1 And then you saw what was being put out on YouTube. And you're like, oh, shit, like, I'm actually laughing.
Right. There was a point where people would say this.
I don't like stand-up comedy.

Speaker 1 That was a sentence human beings would say. Right.
No, you just don't like bad stand-up comedy. Right.
But that's all that was out there because everybody was so terrified.

Speaker 1 So then they go and see comedy and they start laughing. They think that it's this new novel thing.
It's like, no, there's an outlet for the good comedy, which is fucked up. Right.

Speaker 1 And that's how it's always been. You look at Carlin, Pryor, Bruce, Eddie.
Every comic that was hilarious had immense pushback. Right.
Cancel him, shut him down, don't let him talk.

Speaker 1 To be honest, this is the best time to do comedy. Yeah.
Like you want to do comedy at a period where people are like, don't do that comedy. Right.

Speaker 1 When anybody can just say anything, you get get like abstract with the comedy. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like Galfernakis, who's hilarious, but he thrives in a moment where you can just say anything. Right.
Because there's nothing to push back against. There's no like fucking tension.

Speaker 1 There's nothing like naughty and mischievous. That's interesting.
And there's no thought. There's no bottleneck now.

Speaker 3 There's no, you don't have to go the network route. Like you were saying with Comedy Central.

Speaker 3 Like there's not one guy in a suit being like, I don't like this, therefore you're not getting the exposure. You can put it all out on your channel.
Exactly.

Speaker 3 And then there are some guys that have been doing it long enough, like Chappelle, where they just, they worth the risk they can do whatever they want because they know like okay we'll pay him thirty million dollars and he'll deliver a stand-up special that will get views and i was i was watching his most recent one um actually just like a week ago and i it was a talk at the school oh no not that one i haven't seen that one yet that one put me off because i was about to start watching it and then said it was a speech and i was like i don't know what that means

Speaker 3 he's delivering a speech i'm sure it was funny but i watched i watched uh the one that was before that and i realized with chappelle there's so many jokes that people get mad about that he makes.

Speaker 3 But when I'm watching him, I realize that in some of his more offensive jokes, he's just, he's putting the joke first before the message.

Speaker 3 He's tying his entire routine in just to get to this one very funny punchline. That the funny punchline should not be looked at as him preaching at anybody, trying to convince you about something.

Speaker 3 He's just finding the best, most interesting way to get to the funniest joke possible.

Speaker 1 That's fine. That's fine.
That's the goal, right? We're stand-up comics. We we should make people laugh.

Speaker 1 I think there's this idea that like comedy has to be like true and is probably Jon Stewart was so fucking prolific at what he did that I think like a generation of kids grew up going, oh, comedy is also truth.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 And it's not. He's genius at doing that, but comedy is just what makes you laugh.
Right. Like that's really what it is at the end of the day.
And

Speaker 1 we will say it's also like based on what you feel and what you feel is often wrong. Like we're not stupid.

Speaker 1 We know the right thing to say to a group of people if i'm looking at like one of the survivors from ted bundy i'm not gonna be like well why'd you try to fix the car right right like but it's funniest thing is to say that right the funniest thing to say to a survivor is like so like did you ever think you might not be able to fix it do you know a lug nut like what's going on here

Speaker 1 like do you know a lug nut yeah right have you ever changed the tire what's going on that's the fucked up thing but it's the funniest yeah and people think it they just you know you know social norms you don't say it because it would be fucked up to say to someone take my wife please yeah it's like watching jackass.

Speaker 3 You know that you shouldn't go up to your friend and kick him in the nuts. But it's the funniest thing.
I fucking love watching other people do it.

Speaker 1 It's great. Yeah.
100%. And it is where everyone gets tripped up is because then they take like comedy taken to you know people transcribing it.

Speaker 1 I always think like whenever someone it hasn't really happened to us but like if you transcribe a podcast Yeah, you could read it and be like well that's fucked up.

Speaker 1 It's like but dude the intent like how we're saying it's the humor in the room matters. That's the most important thing.

Speaker 1 I was doing like a

Speaker 1 conversation, one of these things at the seller, Noam, who owns the comedy seller. The comedy seller is amazing.
I'm sure you guys are familiar if anybody's listening, watching Go's Amazing Club.

Speaker 1 And he does these like conversations. We'll have these like intellectuals, and sometimes it brings comics on.
And they always try to mash like comics and intellectuals.

Speaker 1 I think intellectuals kind of like what we're doing, and it's like naughty, and they wish they could kind of say what we're doing. Well, because they're not funny.
Also, they're not funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. And but they always try to like add this importance to comedy.
They're like, you know, this is the last bastion of hope in a free society. And I'm just like, Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 1 Like, we should never talk. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, the second we're on stage, I have to be right. Yeah.
I don't want to be right. Right.
I want to be a clown. I want to make everyone laugh.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Literally that. There's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 And it's the most beautiful thing. Because at the end of the day, when we're at the bar busting balls, nobody's like, you know how right Tim was today? Yeah, right.
I love hanging out with that guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that bit was so correct.

Speaker 3 There's nothing less funny than a comedian who's like, I am the last bastion of truth.

Speaker 3 In an untruthful society.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Just be the last bastard of laughs.
Like, I remember being up there with them. I was like, guys, like, the funniest joke about COVID or whatever like that is not true.

Speaker 1 It's not right, but it's funny. And they were like, like, what? And I was like,

Speaker 1 I'm going to fuck this up. But I had something.
It was like

Speaker 1 the Me Too movement

Speaker 1 stopped with COVID. And they were like, why? And I was like, well, you know, women like to be at home cooking and cleaning.

Speaker 1 And all we had to do is give them a banana bread recipe and they shut the fuck up about their problems right and and immediately there's like a reaction and people are like okay this is not true right it just happens to work out right right and you're just doing and you're getting the reaction out of people that's it that's the best comedy is when you're like when someone a comedian says something and you're like whoa that's fucked up but holy shit i laughed that's funny yeah right it's that's all it is you're making these kind of connections that are fucking funny we're gonna hey this is ria from chicks in the office and this season, we're heading home for the holidays with Abercrombie and Fitch.

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Speaker 3 And now here's more Andrew Schultz.

Speaker 1 So, um, all right, so you're special. So, you got had, you were like, all right, fuck it.
We're not doing it on this streaming service. We won't say the name.
Right, right.

Speaker 1 And then you go straight to YouTube.

Speaker 1 Was there a moment where you were not? I didn't do YouTube. Oh, yeah, on your, on theandrewschultz.com.
Go buy it right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and Moment House is this company that is basically streaming the thing for me. Okay.
And then, like, we're going to have it for sale for like two weeks.

Speaker 1 So I think it stops like the first of August or July 30 or something. All right, so go buy it right now.
Yeah, please. Because this is going to be the last week.
We're going to run this on Monday.

Speaker 1 And then you have it forever. And you have it forever.
That's yours.

Speaker 1 You should just be like expiration date, like six months. Just take it back.
I should, right? And just be like, you want to laugh at that? Pay me again.

Speaker 1 Pay me again.

Speaker 1 But was there a moment where you're like, all right, this, like, I hope this works. Yeah, I was terrified the entire time.
Really? Absolutely. Because you had to put up a lot of your own money.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a lot of money. And that's, I mean, that's got to be a fucking, like, when you're writing that check, like, hopefully.
Oh, I get this back. Yeah, it's fucking...
Because I have no clue, right?

Speaker 1 Like, I know I have

Speaker 1 podcasts that are very supported and i have community that made me feel comfortable you know what i mean i had like i like i had we had a patreon we have a patreon for flagrant is and um and i knew that there are people that really support us and there was a sizable amount of people so i was like okay these are the people that are willing to commit money to to me and my boys and i was like okay that gave me some confidence and then i looked at like obviously the live shows and we had done all these shows and i was like okay there are people who are willing to like get a babysitter put on a fucking outfit come out see a show i'm like okay this is good um but at the same time i have no expectation and we dropped the first day and we asked the fucking

Speaker 1 we asked the company like what is the percentages like how many people buy the first day the last day like what is the thing and they were like uh oh it's usually like 30 the first day and then like 20 through and like 50 a day of and we dropped the first day and it was okay Right.

Speaker 1 But I was like, fuck, is this going to be 30%? Dude. So I'm like sweating.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we started to kind of build and we dropped some more clips and then articles came out and people really kind of got behind the story and that last day it was fucking nuts and the day after it was just fucking nuts.

Speaker 1 And I bet when you do it again, you'll probably have the same feeling. Because it doesn't go like, so that's not exactly the same, but we have rough and rowdy here.
Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the fighting league. So it's pay-per-view.
Yeah. And I see the numbers and every single fight goes exactly the same, where the numbers are slow, slow, slow.

Speaker 1 And then like 30 minutes before, it's everyone but because like of course like think about when you were fucking used to buy tyson fights you didn't buy it two days before you bought it like literally

Speaker 1 and but no matter what we'll do it and i'll just be nervous the whole day being like is this the day that no one buys it and then boom like clockwork right before it starts like hey we just got all of our buys 100 and it just scares the fuck out of you and the rub and rally thing is great because it like proves the value of story in a fight yeah you know like all the uh youtubers are doing it now and they're having a lot of success with these fights, but the most success happens when there's an interesting storyline.

Speaker 1 Yes. And you guys baked in storyline to

Speaker 1 people that you don't even know. Right.
Two brothers. Well, I want to see which brother is going to win.
Gay guy, straight guy, the hillbilly, the black dude. Like build in the beef already.

Speaker 1 That's why UFC, I think, like took off with Ultimate Fighter. They got it.
I watched Ultimate Fighter and I was like, this is awesome. Like now I know these guys.

Speaker 1 These guys are fighting every day and they're living in a house together.

Speaker 1 That part just takes it to a totally different level. Totally different level.
Yeah, you're baked in. And also like that the company has all the fighters signed.

Speaker 1 So it behooves the company to make interesting fights.

Speaker 1 And the fighters,

Speaker 1 a loss doesn't matter as much as in boxing, where if like

Speaker 1 you're an up-and-coming fighter and you lose in like your eighth fight, That could derail your entire fight. It's over, yeah.
It could be over.

Speaker 1 You could lose your first fight in the UFC and then go be UFC champion. Yeah.
Like, they are invested in you. They believe in you.
You could lose five fights.

Speaker 1 They're guys who lost three fights in a row. They're still fighting.
They're guys who have 17 losses on the roster still fighting. Yeah.
So. It's true.

Speaker 1 I never even thought about it that way, but you're right. Like, that's part of why boxing is probably dying.
It thinks

Speaker 1 one loss. Like, we went and called the Canelo fight against B-vall, and he lost that.
And it's like, yeah, Canelo is still going to do well. And his next fight against Triple G is going to be great.

Speaker 1 But you have to be honest, like a little bit, like you're like, oh, oh, that lost a little bit. 100%.

Speaker 3 You're always searching for perfection.

Speaker 3 You always think like the guy that's undefeated, he's the best in the world. You got to beat him.

Speaker 3 But then if you have two losses early in your career, you might not get the chance to even step in the ring with that guy.

Speaker 3 And who knows? Because you're always looking for the guy that has that zero next to his name, like zero losses. And then that's the guy that you got to beat.

Speaker 3 I've been trying to get an Alex Jones fight going on Rough and Rowdy. I actually heard from one of his reps a couple years ago that he wanted to step into the ring.

Speaker 3 I don't know who a fair fight would be against Alex Jones because he's such a unique body type.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I know you've interviewed him. You know Alex pretty well.
I feel like he would definitely sell pay-per-views. People would want to see that fight.
But then it's like,

Speaker 3 do we want to be in the Alex Jones business at the end of the day?

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 Who does he fight? That's a great. That's a great idea.

Speaker 1 What's the funny thing?

Speaker 3 So I reached out to Hassan. You know, Hassan Piper? Of course.

Speaker 1 So hello, Hassan.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so through a friend of a friend, Hassan was like, yeah, I'll fight Alex Jones.

Speaker 1 But do they beef? I think

Speaker 3 I don't know if they beef outwardly. I think it's kind of like game respect game.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Alex Jones is a fucking character, and so people want to hear him, you know, go on his rants about whatever he's thinking about that day.

Speaker 3 I don't know if they have like direct beef, but I'm pretty sure that that fight would break all kinds of records.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it would absolutely. I'm trying to think, you need to find the perfect foil for Alex, though.
Like, Alex has to fight like Bill Clinton.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? Like, he has to fight like Delane Madison. Hillary Clinton.
Hillary Clinton versus Alex Jones

Speaker 1 in a hot dog eating contest or something like that. And then Alex Jones dies like 10 hours before the fight mysteriously.
I mean, come on.

Speaker 1 You have to put a clause in for everybody pre-orders. Like, we're keeping your money.
It doesn't matter. Like, if he dies, it's not our fault.
Dude, Hillary Clinton versus Alex Jones

Speaker 1 is the greatest pay-per-view that's ever existed in history. It gets like a bat.
Get him in the ring. I'm going to get a knife or something.

Speaker 3 Or just get him in the ring and let him talk for like 30 minutes first. Have a debate.

Speaker 1 Just have him sweat.

Speaker 3 And see if Hillary can convince him to suicide himself. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, I mean, there's no way you get Hillary in there, but I think you've got to try to make that happen. Yeah.
I think you've got to pitch it as a single thing. Wait, why not Hillary? He would die.

Speaker 3 The problem with Alex is like...

Speaker 1 What the fuck, dude?

Speaker 3 I've seen his first step. I've seen him like sprinting after people on the street.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. He's got a nice first step.

Speaker 3 He's explosive out of the gate.

Speaker 1 Like, he would crush DK Metcalf in a three-con show.

Speaker 1 He's a D-lineman.

Speaker 3 But I feel like anything longer than 30 seconds, Alex Jones is probably going to have a heart attack.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I had dinner with him once. He ate a whole onion raw.
What? On a plate. He just ordered it.

Speaker 1 We were getting steak, and then he was like, all right, no, I'm just having an onion. And they're like, on the steak.
He goes, nope, put it on a plate.

Speaker 1 And he just gets the onion, he cuts it in half, and he's using a knife and fork and just having full-on conversation.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the thing with Epstein is,

Speaker 1 full onion. Yeah, that's such an alpha move.

Speaker 3 Because everybody else at the table is like, I could never do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're like picking out our onions with like two fingers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is gross. Holy fuck.
No, he's a wild dude, man.

Speaker 1 That guy is fucking entertaining, dude.

Speaker 3 I'm a little disappointed in his career trajectory, though, because I used to listen to Alex every day. So I lived in Austin for about 10 years.

Speaker 3 And I would listen to him on the way to work, on the way home from work, and he would be going on about like Barack Obama smells like sulfur. Hillary Clinton is actually a reptile.

Speaker 3 Like real hardcore shit. And now he's talking about like tax laws and stuff he's like he's water he's brought himself closer to reality as it's going

Speaker 3 to go even more i want him to go so i've never seen star wars but from what i understand the big knock on the first prequel was oh now they're talking about like shipping restrictions as a big conflict as opposed to having darth vader want to blow up the world you know and that's why everyone hated that one i want alex jones to get back to the fact that like underneath the the core of the earth there's there's fucking aliens that are beaming microwaves up at you trying to like shrink that also doesn't hurt anyone.

Speaker 1 That doesn't hurt anyone.

Speaker 1 Sandy Hooks hurt people.

Speaker 3 Then it's like it's no longer a victim of this crime at that point. But back in the day, he was doing, yeah, the reptilian shit.

Speaker 3 And that's when Alex Jones was at his finest, the pure uncut stuff.

Speaker 1 I got to agree with you right there that it's actually safer. the more extreme that he goes because it's hyperbolic, it's silly, it's comedy.
And no one's like, oh, wait, I'm an alien.

Speaker 1 Why is he coming after me? Yeah. The frogs are gay or whatever he said.
Like, we love that kind of stuff. And it has to be like locked to a little bit of truth.
Right. Right?

Speaker 1 You have to be able to convince us slightly. Yeah.
It's like, what is one derivative from the world is flat?

Speaker 3 The earth is hollow.

Speaker 1 There you go. Yeah.
Perfect. I can't look.
Yeah. No one knows.
Yeah. And isn't it at the, isn't it in the middle? Isn't it like a lava

Speaker 1 liquid? So it's not solid. You got to be hollow to have a liquid.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
Yeah. It's a gush.
That's true. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I just, I want him to get back to the crazy shit. Somebody needs to tell Alex, like, go, go off the leash.

Speaker 1 What if Alex Jones fights the entire Uvalde police department? Yeah. I mean, they wouldn't show up.
I mean, yeah.

Speaker 1 Alex in one.

Speaker 1 But if he did that, does he win over America again?

Speaker 3 I think so. I think people would reach Alex Jones on that.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 do they forgive him for what he said about the other school shooting? Right. If is that the only way that he can come back? Probably.
If he takes out all these cops. Yeah.
Wow. Legacy-defining fight.

Speaker 1 There it is. Line them up.
Ultimately, one after another.

Speaker 1 Fuck. I don't even know how to say.
I don't even know how to. So do you talk to him?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he'll message me. Like, he'll leave voice notes that are really funny.
Yeah. Hey, loved what you did.
That's great. Okay, I got to get back to this onion.

Speaker 1 I'm going to start ordering raw onions.

Speaker 3 There's no other choice for me.

Speaker 1 It's a baller move. Yeah, he's just undeniably entertaining, man.

Speaker 1 There's certain people. And then there's a cool thing that happens where it's just like

Speaker 1 he says so many things that eventually things that he says come come out as

Speaker 1 right. Yeah, something has to be right if you just cast such a wide net.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he does expose shit, man. It's wild.
Yeah. And that's where it gets dangerous, too, because when he's right, it gives it like.

Speaker 1 Then what else is he right about?

Speaker 1 Right. And then there's the fucked up things, you know, the Sandy Hook stuff, which

Speaker 1 is undeniable. Yeah.
Does he have remorse for it?

Speaker 1 I think so. Yeah, I think so.
I mean,

Speaker 1 we talked to him about it a little bit when he came on when we were in Miami.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I think he realizes that that was the, that was like a thing.

Speaker 1 Because that, to me, like, and I, you know, I have two kids, and I'm like, I just think about like, if you were a parent, like, yeah, it's, you,

Speaker 1 this is unforgivable. The biggest fucking tragedy you could ever imagine than have some guy be like, yeah, it was all fake.
It's like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can't be, like, I don't think he can even be upset at a single person who's like, I can't even look at you anymore. Right, right, right.
100%.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think he ran into a lot of problems too, because it's one thing where if he was doing this on his radio show out of Austin, like 1994 yeah then there's you know maybe like 50,000 people that might tune in and listen to it and they understand like Alex is insane and what he says and true but once his audience gets so big then there are some people that are already mentally unhinged that will listen to you say that and then they will just spend the rest of their lives harassing those families

Speaker 3 and then that's just unforgivable shit where you're putting a family that's gone through hell through more and more hell.

Speaker 3 And then that, I think he actually just had to pay like tens of millions of dollars.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, they went after him hard. And I think that there are going to be a couple more cases that are going to bring him.

Speaker 3 He's not going to be a wealthy man anymore.

Speaker 1 I think he's in the January 6th thing. They're trying to come after him for that as well.

Speaker 3 Yeah, now to Alex's credit, he was up there with a microphone and he was like,

Speaker 1 he was like, all right, we're going to take your country back. Hand over fist, bring your pitchforks.
No, no, don't go inside. Don't go.

Speaker 1 Stop going inside, please.

Speaker 3 I was saying the other week that in the January 6th thing, Alex Jones is either, in this microcosm, either a pussy or a fraud. Yeah.
Because he was saying the entire election was stolen.

Speaker 3 And if you actually believe that the government stole the election and essentially through democracy, I think it's a good thing.

Speaker 1 Run it up.

Speaker 1 Run it up. Yeah, you should be going into the castle.
Run it up. You shouldn't be standing outside and be like, no, no, not that hard.
No, it'll take it back even one more.

Speaker 1 If you really think that Hillary Clinton's a lizard,

Speaker 1 go get it.

Speaker 1 If you think they're all fucking kids, what are we waiting for?

Speaker 1 So it's either you can think they're having sex with children on an island and that they're all lizards or you don't.

Speaker 1 Because if you really believe that to be true, you got to go do something. You wouldn't wait for the election results.
Right, right. Well, I still believe in democracy, even though they're lizards.

Speaker 3 Like the Q shaman, he walks into the

Speaker 3 House of Representatives. He's standing like behind the podium holding his little trident over there or whatever.
Like respect that guy because he believed in it.

Speaker 1 He went for it and he went in there.

Speaker 3 But there are so many people that don't really believe, but they're stirring people up trying to get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they just want to be part of it. That's why I respected that motherfucker that pulled up to the pizza shop in D.C.
Yeah, if you think that they're kids.

Speaker 3 Yeah, if you think that their kids are fucking aware of what they're doing.

Speaker 1 If you think that kids are locked in a basement that are getting fucked, if you believe that, go. And they literally, he went there and then they arrested him and he didn't shoot.
He put the gun down.

Speaker 1 The cops came up. He didn't fight or anything.
It's like there's no basement? Literally. Yeah.
They're like, why are we there? He goes, I thought it was a pedophile ring.

Speaker 1 And they're like, all right.

Speaker 1 And then, like, I think he's in jail. You shouldn't be able to do these things.
Like, Like, call the cops, make them do something about it.

Speaker 1 But let's say you're calling the cops, like, we're not going to go check it out. We're not going to go check it out.

Speaker 3 And you have children.

Speaker 1 You're going to have some compassion for those kids in the basement. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Completely reasonable response. And like when Alex went on his whole 9-11 kick, it was like, yeah, if you think that George Bush actually knocked down these towers himself, then

Speaker 3 you should be like in Washington, D.C. Every day, throwing grenades at the White House.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 That's fucked up.

Speaker 1 No, no, you're not. You should be.
Disavow.

Speaker 1 You should be

Speaker 1 if you actually believe it. You better hope your dad didn't have kids with his daughter.

Speaker 1 Because everybody finding out about that tomorrow, boy.

Speaker 3 But the fact that you're not doing it tells me you don't actually believe it, right?

Speaker 1 That's the thing. You saying be about that life.
Yeah, be about that life.

Speaker 1 I'm with you. That's why, on some level, I kind of fucked with the January 6th shit.
It's like, you believe this to be true. You have to do something about it because that is the fall of democracy.

Speaker 1 Right. It's also the most entertaining thing.
Yeah. Like, it's way more entertaining.
Is it not? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's all nothing. Yeah.
Remember Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yeah. It's all nothing.
None of this matters. Yeah.
Yeah. Did you really think the president plots the course of America?

Speaker 1 You think the greatest country in the history of the world gets the course plotted every four years and then we just switch it up? They're there so you have someone to be angry at. Yeah, right.
Right.

Speaker 1 They're the liar. Or someone who you like feel good about.
If the economy's good, we love them. If the economy sucks, they're the liar.
And then we just whip them. Ah, you're an asshole.

Speaker 1 You fucked everything up. And then the new guy comes in.
That's why I don't understand why anybody would want to be president. No, it's a stupid job.
It's the dumbest job. It's a loser.

Speaker 1 Would want to just be yelled at. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's a bad job. It's people.
I don't trust anyone that wants to be president.

Speaker 1 Any public office. Literally, the first requirement for being in public office should be you don't want to do it.
Right. It should be like you enacting.
It should be like, yeah.

Speaker 1 But we're like, I don't want, I do not, don't make me run for senator. I will never do that.
No, that guy's going to be senator because he really doesn't want to do it.

Speaker 1 No, it's, it's the most narcissistic thing you could do is be like, I want to have so much power I can decide laws for all these people. I know you should live better than you.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know what they used to do back in Sparta? They used to take everybody's name and they'd put it in a giant hat, everybody that was above the age of like 30.

Speaker 3 And then every couple years, they would draw a name out and that person would be the mayor or the governor of that city-state. Begrudgingly, so that's it.
And no one wanted to do it.

Speaker 3 But what it did, which is, I mean, it's terrifying to think, like, look around you and realize the people that you know, they could be in charge of your everyday life.

Speaker 3 But at the same time, it also makes you want to educate every child that's growing up in your city-state because you're like, any one of these little fuckers could end up running the show.

Speaker 1 That's a great point, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't let someone fall behind because they could be in charge. And you got to kick someone into that pit if they're a little crazy.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Like, if at 29 he's a lunatic, it's like, sorry, dude.

Speaker 1 You're not in the lottery this year.

Speaker 3 That's why they all want to join the military. They're like, I'd rather die in battle than end up getting my name.

Speaker 1 or have to roll his fucking hat.

Speaker 1 They had the right idea. People complain about rent prices.
Yeah. Fuck that.

Speaker 1 All right. So, wait, what? Knicks and then who else?

Speaker 1 Jets are giants, whoever's worse.

Speaker 1 And what? Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's just suffering at this point. But Knicks, I mean, I grew up playing basketball, so like Knicks, and then I'm a big boxing fan.

Speaker 1 Like, I mean, my dad used to like, my dad was in the news business a little bit, so he would like cover fights and shit like that. So I'm kind of like a legacy boxing fan.

Speaker 1 And now MMA, I'm just, you know, really kind of excited about it. Yeah, I mean, MMA is the best.
Yeah, it is. It is.
UFC, I don't know how they do it, but like I,

Speaker 1 I'm not like a die-hard UFC guy, but I'm like a buy the big pay-per-view. Yep.
And it feels like every other week's a big pay-per-view. It was like, you got to buy this one.

Speaker 1 It's like, fuck, I got to buy this. And you buy every single one? Yeah, it's like, yeah, you're right.
I do have to buy it. And do you notice what the crowd looks like even for the prelims? Have you?

Speaker 1 picked up on that later? Yeah, yeah. If you look at a boxing match, like we're not watching until Mayweather's fighting.
Right. And nobody there is either.
Right. It's empty.
It's totally empty.

Speaker 1 It's like the family and then like whatever country the guy's from, like the most die-hard

Speaker 1 people from that country. And that's it.
But UFC, if you watch even the prelims,

Speaker 1 it's full. It's true.
It's full. Everybody's locked into the story.
They've got these really engaging characters. They fucking got it, man.
They understand that

Speaker 3 if you have a series of fights where every single fight could end in a devastating knockout, like the most violent, like kick to the head, people will show up early and watch that stuff.

Speaker 3 No one wants to show up to watch watch, like, a 10-round boxing match between two guys that they've never heard of before.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, it's much more conducive to the casual. Yeah.
Unless it gets maybe into like the grappling stuff. I think people are tired of that.

Speaker 1 Although, I actually, I find myself like, I can't remember. I think it was maybe two weeks ago.

Speaker 1 Um, there was a pay-per-view I bought, and I was actually like, I kind of wish there was one of these fights, it was a grappling fight. There was a lot of stand-up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I don't know, maybe this is fucked up to say, but I kind of like watching someone get choked out. There we go.
Like, I kind of, it is, there's something that's like very

Speaker 1 exhilarating when a guy gets in a position and you're like, is he about to get choked out? And, like, that, like, will he or won't he get choked out? I don't know. There's something about it.

Speaker 1 I don't want every fight to be like that. Yeah.
But I have noticed that it feels like there's a lot more stand-up.

Speaker 1 And like, even Khabib, who like wasn't the most exciting fighter, but when he got you on the ground, it's like, it's over, dude. Yeah.
It's like watching like a snake suffocate like a rat. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, you know, you're done. Yeah.
I, something about it. Maybe that's our like

Speaker 1 fight IQ is going up. Yeah.
Maybe in the beginning we just didn't really understand like the nuances of grappling or positioning. And now we're like, oh, he's trying to set up an old.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, oh, he doesn't have the knack. Oh, he does have the knack.

Speaker 1 Credit to Joe Rogan.

Speaker 3 Like, we were talking about listening to anybody that's passionate about something. When you hear Joe Rogan talking about a fight as it's happening, like, he knows his shit and he loves it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it makes you kind of understand when you hear, you know, the inflection in his voice get a little higher.

Speaker 3 When somebody's got somebody's back, you, as a casual fan, I can't tell, like, oh, his, oh, the hook's in.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't know if the hook is in or not.

Speaker 3 But when Joe says it, I'm like, oh, the fuck, it's a hook.

Speaker 1 The hook is in.

Speaker 3 And I get excited about it.

Speaker 1 And I respect the hell out of anyone like Joe who has one sport they're very passionate about and does not give a fuck about it. Nothing else.
Like, you could tell him who's like the MVP for the NFL.

Speaker 1 He's like, I don't care.

Speaker 1 I wish I had a life that I was like, it was as simple as that. You love all sports.
All sports. But it's exhausting.
Why? Why? No.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, because I gamble. Right.
Part of it. So it's interesting, interesting, interesting.
But I also love all sports.

Speaker 1 I love college basketball. I love college football.

Speaker 1 But I wish that I could. I always get a little jealous of people who are like, this is my sport and I don't care about anything else.
Now, okay.

Speaker 1 So for you, it's tied to the stakes and the exhilaration of games. Do you feel the same way?

Speaker 3 A little bit, but for me, it's just mostly like, that's what I grew up doing, was watching sports. And that was like my entire day.
If I wasn't playing sports, I was just talking to you.

Speaker 3 Do you know why you were talking about that?

Speaker 3 I think it was just my family. Like my dad, my grandparents, that's all we would do-would be just watch sports together.

Speaker 1 It was bonding time.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was bonding time. Exactly.

Speaker 1 You probably have some great laughs and some great moments. You get to see

Speaker 1 your pops and your grandfathers, people that you admire. You get to see them being really excited about something.
You're fucking jumping and hugging. Like, these early memories are tied to sports.

Speaker 1 And I'm sure that gets baked into our brains somewhere. And we're trying to recreate those emotions.

Speaker 1 That makes sense. And then you add gambling on top of that.
Yeah, because I love sports regardless of gambling, but it's way more fun when I have action on it. That's dude the thing.
I'm almost like

Speaker 1 I'm I'm I almost get like scared to gamble on the sports I really love because then it's like putting Molly in the drink. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean a little bit?

Speaker 1 It's like I already love this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do I want to taint that?

Speaker 3 Yeah, or like betting on your favorite teams. That's always the worst.

Speaker 1 Oh, if you bet on other teams, you can actually be more objective about it. Betting on you, it's hard to.
Yeah, you lose anyway, but yeah. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, I'm always so smart when I bet on other teams. You can hedge against your, against like your future misery, too.

Speaker 3 So I'm a Commanders fan, and if I'm watching, if I'm watching a team that's going to kick the shit out of them, sometimes I'll bet on the other team because then I'll be like, okay, it's not that big of a deal that we lost because I'm so smart.

Speaker 3 I knew that was going to happen, so I put my money on them. See, I can't do it.

Speaker 1 It's offensive blow a little bit. I can't do it.
I'm all in or all out.

Speaker 1 I won't bet against the Bears. I'll be like, I'll stupidly tell myself the Bears are going to win, even though I know they aren't.
And like, bet on them. And then you'll put it down.

Speaker 1 Because I don't ever want my team to win and then be like mad that I lost a bet. Because I just either like, it's like, push it all in, double misery or double happiness.

Speaker 3 See, to me, if I lost that bet, I look at that as cost of doing business. It's like I paid for that win.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can't, you know, like, I'll trade that any day. I can't trade.
Will you guys bet on TV shows? What do you mean? Like, will you put some money on like The Bachelor or like Love on the Spectrum?

Speaker 1 They don't really have, like, they don't have those those regulated because they're all taped so you could figure out what uh what's happening

Speaker 1 but if i if there was like a market for it yes yeah of course why not hang on love on the spectrum would be exhilarating yeah why not see it that's the best thing i've seen the commercials you haven't watched it i haven't watched it oh guys what is it they're dating autistics oh okay like and what where is it where can you watch it it's on netflix it's on i i think just netflix maybe others but like i mean it's the most amazing show you've ever seen in your entire life because autistic people don't know how to lie right so they just just say exactly how they feel, like, right in front.

Speaker 1 Like, I mean, he just asked his mom if she was done talking. Like, she's like, are you done? And then he's this fat Indian kid that looks like a Koopa trooper.
You know, the shit Mario would jump on.

Speaker 1 And like.

Speaker 1 He's super autistic. And they just try to, they really are throwing everything at him.
They throw a Down syndrome at him. Like, just anything that they got.
This is a real show?

Speaker 1 Bro, it's the best show that you ever watched in your life. They got Australian accents and they're autistic.

Speaker 1 And some of them have autistic accents, which which is from watching video games all the time so you pick up the I didn't know this is a real show it sounds like I'm making it up yeah no it sounds like you're completely making it up

Speaker 1 that sounds like Wario I'm in say again if there's a kid that sounds like wario I'm all in I don't know if they're going with those characters I think it's more just wait so they're like they're like let's put in let's let's put autistic kids and like make money off of them uh being like truthful and trying to find love but the Ted Bunny joke's got to go yeah what the fuck yeah yeah and like that's way what you described as a show is way more like whoa this is kind of fucked up it seems way more fucked up yeah but this is just what we do like you know how we just go more and more extreme yeah

Speaker 1 oh that's actually kind of interesting like you can't really judge this is fucked up uh you can't really judge uh uh elon's dad for like the stepdaughter thing if like that's the best porn

Speaker 1 that's true yeah no if that's what he's been looking at that's the number one porn that's out right now his stepdaughter and he's out there like i'm leaving it in my question question is: like, was she stuck anywhere?

Speaker 3 Yeah, when he found her, was she like trying to get closed out of the dryer?

Speaker 1 Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you're saying, like, Brazzers is actually the one to blame. Listen, if you normalize it,

Speaker 1 Elon Sr. is going to fucking go for it.
Now we're going all the way to the other side of the spectrum. We're like, got to get rid of gambling, got to get rid of porn, got to get rid of weed.

Speaker 1 Well, that's crazy. Yeah, I know, but let's not go crazy.
No, I know, I know, but we're talking our way into it. We got to stop.
Catholics, run it back every 2,000 years, boys.

Speaker 1 run it back right it's like i do love that there's always like there's one politician who's like porn is the problem for society and like he could people could agree with him like 99 and then they says that and like no you you're out yeah you're look at that

Speaker 1 guy yeah you're not taking my porn from my

Speaker 1 that is dry sticky hands you can have this yeah like they could make laws that you know make us do everything and it's like no no no don't take our porn no do not do that no no no we need we need the there is one there's always i i can't I think there's one maybe in Ohio or maybe.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think it's J.D. Vance.

Speaker 1 Yeah, who's like, we got to get rid of porn. It's like, this guy fucking sucks.
All of it? Yeah, he's like, porn is corrupting society. All of it.
Yeah. They try to do it.
He wants to do it all.

Speaker 1 In fucking Japan, they started blurring the dicks. Yeah.
And I just assume the guy who wants all the porn gone, he just wants to keep it for himself. Oh, so he's like, give me your porn.

Speaker 1 I'll hold it safely. And then he'll just be jerking off all the time.
Do you know what happened after they blurred the dicks? What happened? They started sicking fucking octopuses in them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, because, like with the damage. That's not a dick, but you need something dick-like.
So now it's even worse because they need it. But they did it, I think, because they weren't prograting.

Speaker 1 Like, they had to teach them how to date. Yeah.
Yeah. I guess too much.

Speaker 1 No, fuck that. Don't take our porn.
No, no, I'm not saying take our porn, but like there's, it's, there's a limit. Like, yeah, like, for me, I have a limit.
Like, I can't click on the pregnancy shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, I don't like that.

Speaker 3 Why not? Ken Bone was a big fan of that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Remember that guy, Ken Bone with the red sweater from the debates back in like 2016?

Speaker 1 He like he just popped up in one of the debates. He's like a dude from Iowa.
Oh, gosh, I thought you were talking about a porn story. Oh, no, yeah, that makes sense.
Probably could be.

Speaker 1 His name was Ken Bone.

Speaker 1 The master debates?

Speaker 1 And then everyone found his like Reddit history. It was like he's just into pregnant lady.
Pregnant porn. Yeah.
Now, you've had sex with your pregnant wife, I assume. Yes.
Fire? What?

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a thing. Oh, you're not.
I heard it's super wet. Like, it's

Speaker 1 no, I heard it's SeaWorld, dude.

Speaker 1 I really really did hear that. I swear to God.
Long folks. Who told you that?

Speaker 1 DJ Envy.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait. He's the DJ Envy.
Charlemagne and DJ Envy and Angela Yeeze.

Speaker 1 Like every other day, he has to get in front of the TV and be like, I cheated on my wife. Yes.

Speaker 1 That's part of the equipment. He's like constantly.
I feel like every time I see him, he's like, yeah, so

Speaker 1 he's like dragging him around. He's a fan of the acquire.
Yeah, he's dragging him around. Like, you cheated again.
Let's go on fucking Wendy Williams and tell everyone you cheated. 100%.
That guy,

Speaker 1 why wouldn't he stop cheating? Like, every time he's just getting fucking

Speaker 1 roasted. Yeah, he is getting killed and he is kind of getting, but at the same time, I don't know, maybe he likes, she really likes pregnant pussy.
I mean, she's got like seven kids.

Speaker 1 She's got so many kids because he's into that.

Speaker 3 Wait, was he cheating on her with a pregnant woman?

Speaker 1 Probably. But yeah, probably.
But no, seriously, I'm not joking. Like, there's at least, I think, two or three times where I've seen him.

Speaker 1 like sad dog face yeah sitting with his wife and and like he had to admit he cheated again

Speaker 1 for 10 years

Speaker 1 what Yeah. Fuck.
He also is like he's addicted to getting abused on TV. But listen, everybody has their kinks.
Yeah, I guess that's his king. I shouldn't kink shame.
You're right. And that's okay.

Speaker 1 But what I'm trying to say is, did you like it better?

Speaker 1 I don't think there was like a noticeable difference. No, there wasn't like a wow, this is awesome.
Really? No. No.
Do you have any kids? No kids.

Speaker 3 No kids.

Speaker 1 I'm just wondering. I know.
That's what he said. He's like, yo, pregnant pussy is the juiciest.

Speaker 1 Yo, he said that. Maybe

Speaker 1 Maybe one, either her water was breaking at the time. That's a possibility.
I think so.

Speaker 3 Or two, maybe that's part of his arrangement where his wife is like, you better tell him how good this pregnancy is.

Speaker 1 I think that could be it as well. Like,

Speaker 1 if he's already admitting to cheating, he's got to be like, yo, this is the best pussy ever. But maybe it is.
We don't know. I guess that's also like a.
You got to run it back, have another kid.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got to have another kid. I already have two.

Speaker 1 He's on high tide. He's on

Speaker 1 radio every day, right? Every day. I think that's also part of if you are doing radio every day, it's like, well, we got to talk about something.
Let's talk about pregnant pussy.

Speaker 1 Like, maybe you should just take a week off. He suggested it to me.
I didn't even ask him about it, right? You got to try this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was like, nah, pregnant pussy is the best or something like that.

Speaker 1 And he's like, the more pregnant, the better. Oh, my God.
Dude, eight months, dude. Are you going to have kids ever? Yeah, soon, I think.
Yeah? Yeah, yeah. There you go.

Speaker 1 We're going through some therapy right now to get ready. Okay.
Yeah. Your whole, like, I know it's cliche, but your whole worldview will change.
I hope. Yes.
For the better.

Speaker 1 Okay, so here's a theory that obviously I have with no proof, but I think part of like the everybody being outraged about things is we're waiting too long to have kids. Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 Because there is, like, once you have kids,

Speaker 1 the little things do not bother you as much. Yeah.
Where it's like, I don't know. Racism, sexism.
Yeah, I don't have time for that. I just want my kid to be like a good kid.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, it's true, though. No, but

Speaker 1 I guess to that point is like,

Speaker 1 how much time do you you have to be part of these movements when you're

Speaker 1 keeping a kid alive? Right, exactly. Right.
And also, there's like a, you can be angry about something, and then I go home and like my son's like, let's watch Paw Patrol. I'm like, cool.

Speaker 1 I forgot what I was angry about. Yeah.
And that is the best. Like, that is the best feeling.
So maybe the key to all this is we start having kids earlier so that we can fully.

Speaker 1 Now you're back to pedophilia. We're going full circle.
I didn't say how early. I didn't say have sex with them.
I didn't say have sex with them. Just get them pregnant.

Speaker 1 But yeah, just get them pregnant. Yeah.
Wait, that's just saying that. That's a guy who was saying that, not me.
You might be right, though, because it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I never even thought about it that way.

Speaker 1 Did you lose your virginity?

Speaker 1 I was like 17. 17.
You?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I was 18.

Speaker 1 18. Oh, wow.
You guys kept it legit. So you guys haven't even slept with minors.

Speaker 1 No, I've never.

Speaker 1 Well, no, as a minor, yeah. Well, it depends.

Speaker 1 Right. It wasn't in Mississippi.

Speaker 3 On the other hand, it's kind of nice being selfish in your 20s.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 Like getting to just do whatever the fuck you want.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know, like that's, that's something that I think it leads to a little bit more growth through your 20s because I think sometimes when you have kids, it's like that's when a part of your life starts or stops growing and a different part of your life starts growing after that.

Speaker 1 But you know what the craziest thing is when you have kids, though? Like, because I,

Speaker 1 how am I, I'm 37. So I was 34 when my son was born.
My daughter was born when I was 36.

Speaker 1 I do wish that I had him younger because I now think, like, when he's 20, I'm going to be, you know, 50 or whatever. It's like, that's going to kind of suck.

Speaker 1 Like, or 55, like, I'm going to be a little older. Because you guys, you weren't.
Like, I wish I was, I wish my kids, when they were in their 20s, I was like just hitting 50.

Speaker 1 So I had like, you know, the energy and everything to like. You want to like hoop with them.
Yeah, and like just be like, yeah, like, I don't want to be like super old. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So I think that's a natural thing, too. But you have to have the kid to realize that.
Because all in my 20s, I was like, I don't want fucking kids. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then like my caveman brain flipped and was like, oh, yeah, I want one of these. Yeah.
You start thinking about

Speaker 3 your age when you're going to be a dad at the wedding. Right.
And all that.

Speaker 1 Right. And it kind of fucks you up.
You're like, oh, shit. Yeah.
Like, oh, yeah. Graduation, all that.
Are your parents old?

Speaker 1 No, they're regular age. Okay.
Yeah. I mean, they were like in their 30s, mid-30s.
So I guess that might be old. Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, for us,

Speaker 1 I think that's older because people were having kids. Yeah, yeah.
So I guess, yeah, they were on the older side. Mine were too.
And I think maybe that's why we waited a little longer to have kids.

Speaker 1 I think if you have younger parents, it just seems more normal that you would do it younger.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I'm always like jealous of like, I see the people who are like, Oh, yeah, like that's my like a 20-year-old, like my grandmother's 60. It's like, what? That's kind of sick, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, you get to live, you know what I mean? Like, I don't think grandparents once when you'll feel old, yeah, when you're a grandparent, and your grandkids are,

Speaker 1 let's see, your kids now are what they're three and one, three and one, so you got at least another

Speaker 1 well, under your fucking fucked-up rule, 12 years. Yeah, I was gonna say,

Speaker 1 I'm just thinking, like,

Speaker 3 my mom was 42 when she had me.

Speaker 3 And that's definitely.

Speaker 1 And back then, that was like, old.

Speaker 3 That was an old.

Speaker 1 Did you have any issues growing up?

Speaker 3 No, I mean, I'm only 5'8 ⁇ , so that's a problem. That probably had something to do with it.

Speaker 1 You think that was it? Yeah, I think that's about it.

Speaker 1 Wait, your dad was, your dad's tall or no?

Speaker 3 No, my dad's 5'10. Okay.
5'11 ⁇ . And your mom? My mom's 5'2.

Speaker 1 5'2? So that's about it.

Speaker 3 5'2 ⁇ . So she was on the older side side when she had me.
And then I definitely have what you were talking about where

Speaker 3 I keep thinking, like, oh, I've got dude.

Speaker 1 Your dad's an assassin. Yeah, he is.
To hit that stick man. 42? Yep.
Yep.

Speaker 3 Credit to Papa D.

Speaker 1 What is he? What's his background? He's a lawyer in Miami. No, he's Spanish.

Speaker 1 Yes, dude. Is he Cuban? He's Swedish.

Speaker 3 He's as far from Cuba as you can get.

Speaker 1 Fuck, dude. That doesn't make any sense, man.

Speaker 3 But I definitely feel that where it's like, okay, I've still got 42.

Speaker 1 42? 42. Is it a position that they did? I don't know.
Wheelchair? I don't know.

Speaker 1 She had her walker with the tennis balls.

Speaker 3 But yeah, it's like, I will wait to have kids, but then once I have kids, I want those little fuckers to have grandkids ASAP. Right.

Speaker 1 You know, like you. Yeah, for me.
For me.

Speaker 1 Being a grandparent is like the greatest thing ever because they just get to get all the benefits. So your parents.
They get to, like, they get to hang out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then they get to go.

Speaker 1 Were you like, where was this with me? Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 And you see them with your what the no but they get like oh yeah we'll read a couple but we'll read as many books as you want where it's like i'm like all right we're reading two books tonight like that's it i want to i want to go sit on the couch is it the gift you give your parents for raising you yeah i think so and it also makes you realize like holy

Speaker 1 like i i was an asshole you know what i mean and like that wasn't easy yeah yeah because you realize that you understand them now yeah you're like okay this makes a lot more sense like yeah i hated you for no reason yeah and i'm sure i'll I'll go through the same thing where my kids will like be in their teenage years and they'll hate me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'll be like, this sucks.
So, so there's another thing. It's like, you've, you've waited.
My parents waited. I'm going to end up waiting.

Speaker 1 We all waited to understand what it was like for our parents to raise us. If we were having kids in our 20s.
At 23, we're looking at our parents like, yo, my bad. Like, how can I help? Right.

Speaker 1 Like, I didn't realize that I was like this. And then we have this like a much deeper bond probably

Speaker 1 with our parents. Now we wait so long, and we're shipping our parents off to these different homes.

Speaker 1 But that's also just life in general, where you just, you look back and you're like, when I was 25, I fucking wish I knew everything that I know now. You because why is it wasted on the young?

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. But it really is the truth because you're like, I was a fucking asshole.

Speaker 1 And none of this mattered.

Speaker 1 None of this mattered.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's the crazy thing.

Speaker 1 Getting good grades and all that shit. Like, obviously it matters a little bit because you want to, you know, learn, but like stressing out about things that just are completely inconsequential.

Speaker 1 yep it sucks to look back at dude how fast was okay

Speaker 1 zero to ten felt like it took forever 10 to 20 it was pretty long but it was a little bit shorter 20 to 30 yeah lightning lightning

Speaker 1 30 to 40 yeah how old are you i'm 38. okay so we're about the same age we're both 37.
yeah i was 29 two weeks ago yes yes it's by far the fastest yeah

Speaker 1 i've been telling myself like oh you got time you're not 40 yet and it's like, wait, no, I'm going to be 38 in January. Fuck,

Speaker 1 it's over.

Speaker 3 I actually feel like my 20s took forever. And then my 30s so far.
And they spend like, it's been like two years of my 20s.

Speaker 1 See, my 20s, I feel like, went so fast, but that was also cocaine. So that's like, I mean, but yeah, 30s, like, blink of an eye as well.
Do you still do coke? No, no. You still? Every now and then.

Speaker 1 It's fun or what? I've never done coke. Oh, really? No.
Yeah, but it's like scary now because of the fentanyl shit. Yeah.
So I don't fuck with, you know, like, it's fucked up now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't understand how a 25-year-old goes out and just like parties like that.

Speaker 1 And they do it like crazy. Yeah.
Like, when I was coming up, Coke was still kind of naughty. Right.
Like, it was kind of bad to do Coke. Right.
Now they do it like weed. Right, right.
It's true.

Speaker 1 It's just as normal as like drinking. It's like, oh, we're going to go out.
I'll probably take a bump and then I'll do it everything.

Speaker 1 It is funny to think about weed too, like how just normal it is now. Because that's another thing.
We need Catholicism again. Yeah.
Take our porn. Take our weed.
Take our Coke. Take our Coke.

Speaker 1 Leave a little.

Speaker 1 Everything in moderation. We can do a little bit of porn.
Yeah, you can do everything in moderation. Do a little bit of Coke.
Yeah. A little bit of weed.
Yeah, drink our large sodas. That's it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let us have it.

Speaker 3 You're so right, though, about weed. Like, back in the 90s, people were getting shot.
Like,

Speaker 3 the police were raiding people and shooting them

Speaker 3 because they had weed. Like,

Speaker 3 there were like governments in Mexico and Jamaica shooting down planes because they had like 50 pounds of weed on them.

Speaker 1 I've even thinking about like even five years ago when it's like, ooh, I was in California. Can I bring this weed back to New York? And now it's like,

Speaker 1 what are they going to say if they find it? Like, oh, okay, throw it out. Okay.
Or it's legal everywhere. Well, once it's legal everywhere.

Speaker 1 Okay, maybe not once it's legal everywhere. Once the government is making money on something, do you have to let the criminals out of jail? I think so.

Speaker 1 Who were convicted because they were doing it? Now, granted, they did break the law. There was a law, regardless if it was right or wrong.
They broke it. Right.

Speaker 1 So I understand you're being punished for breaking the law, but at the same time, like, if you're making money. Yes, absolutely.
That's the most hypocritical thing you can do. That's wild.

Speaker 3 I feel like they've served their punishment for it.

Speaker 3 And I think what the state of New York's doing, because they're starting to legalize everything from growing to selling, eventually, they're giving the licenses to open up the weed distribution to people that have convictions on their record in the past.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 3 Yeah, of distributing weed. They get like first dibs on it, which I think is actually one of the only good things that New York City has done from a political standpoint in a while.

Speaker 1 But this is a slippery slope because, like, under your world order, Ghislaine Maxwell's coming out of jail tomorrow. So she should be the first person to open up the kid fucking factories.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you're like, hey, let's just start fucking kids again. That's what you said, right?

Speaker 1 I think that was it.

Speaker 1 I think that's in my new spouse. Streaming services like Andrew.
We should cut that. This one is a little too far.
I'm like, I'm fighting for this.

Speaker 1 No, I'm standing up and telling people they can fuck. There are certain voices that need to be heard.

Speaker 1 I'm the truth teller of society. Exactly.
Is what you said. What happened to Ghillane? She got convicted.
She got lost. Everyone's been waiting for her to die.

Speaker 3 I think she got like 20 years.

Speaker 1 So she didn't snitch.

Speaker 3 She did not snitch on anybody. No.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 3 But she has that Trump card in her back pocket, I think, that she could play at any moment. For what? So she could, I don't know if she wanted to turn some powerful people in.
She'll never do it.

Speaker 3 Nothing's going to change. She's just, she's got her burned book that she knows in her head.

Speaker 3 She knows, I mean, if you look at the case and and all the files that they had at Epstein's house inside of his safe, he had a giant safe that was filled with like spreadsheets.

Speaker 3 The dude was meticulous about his pedophilia. Like, he kept a detailed log of his guests.
He had videotapes of his guests because he was probably working for the CIA and getting blackmail on people.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 he had just terabytes and terabytes of data about who has been to his island, who has slept with who, all that stuff. It was in a safe.

Speaker 3 I think it was the FBI raided his apartment. They saw the safe.
They couldn't get the safe open. After they took all the other stuff from his apartment, they left his apartment.

Speaker 3 And then Epstein's lawyer went back to the apartment,

Speaker 3 got everything out of the safe, removed it, and then the FBI went back to the apartment. They're like, oh shit, the safe's empty.
Jeez.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's, to me, that's so unbelievable that they could be at a crime scene. There's a safe that they can't open.
They just leave. Let some lawyer walk in.
Yeah. We'll be back Wednesday.

Speaker 1 He walks out with a backpack, and then everything's fine. Like, that has to be.

Speaker 3 That's

Speaker 1 actually inside.

Speaker 3 I'm fully, I've Alex Jones myself on the whole Epstein situation because I know if you if you connect all the dots, the dude was working for the CIA. Right.
He was brought up.

Speaker 3 If you look at his background, he came from nothing. He got a job on Wall Street.
He got a job at one of the best schools in New York City teaching

Speaker 3 from the father of Bill Barr, who was the Attorney General of the United States. And then he

Speaker 1 was the current director of the CIA. Yes.
For at that time.

Speaker 3 And he cultivated all these different networks of people that had information about what the big financial sectors were going to do. So that's how he was making his money on Wall Street.

Speaker 3 He befriended the most powerful people in the world, got them in a honeypot operation where he would fly them to his island. They would compromise himself.
And guess what?

Speaker 3 Now you're informing to me, and I've got all the dirt on you. And he was working for the CIA as well on their payroll.
And then he gets arrested and he gets a sweetheart deal.

Speaker 1 for like, I don't know, 100, 200 counts of pedophilia. Yeah, this is down in Palm Beach.

Speaker 3 yeah and they just let him off for it yeah if you look at the dude's rolodex and some of the flight logs have been made public like i'm fully i'm fully awoken on the on the epstein situation yeah he had sex with kids bro oh yeah for sure oh yeah multiple and he like he introduced other people to his very powerful people 100 he was running a vast network so yeah but i wonder if he's been replaced by the internet Like you needed to honeypot these people so you can get incriminating things on them.

Speaker 1 Oh, you think they're spying on all of our internet? Now they got your phone. Like now they know what porn you're doing.
Now they know where you are. Like, I wonder if he just became

Speaker 1 or his method of spying is just antiquated. Yeah.
So they just had to get him out of there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I really wonder. Yeah, no, you're not wrong.
Because the idea is, like, we can't put you in a position of power.

Speaker 1 We, and again, I don't know who the fuck we is, but, like, it's dangerous to put someone in a position of power if you don't have some leverage over them. Right.

Speaker 1 And that was the thing that probably terrified them about Trump. They're like, hold on.
How the fuck is he here? Right. We don't have any leverage.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 What do you mean he'll just say anything? Okay, drop the thing about the pussy.

Speaker 1 It's like all these things happen, and there was no way to really rein him in. So they literally just like, all right, don't let him talk.
They take away Twitter. Right.

Speaker 1 They literally just had to be like, when he's talking, he's too effective. Yank away the Twitter.
Yeah. Who's they?

Speaker 3 I actually think the deal with Trump was he he had so many things that people were trying to attack him for that you couldn't possibly focus in on one thing on him.

Speaker 3 So it was harder to damage him because he would just he's so good at playing defense against everything. He'll punch back on everyone.

Speaker 3 So it's like you got some guy talking about the access Hollywood tape. You got another guy talking about like when he like put dead rats in an apartment to try to kick all the bums out or whatever.

Speaker 3 So there's so many things and it's all scattered that none of it's even going deep enough to do any real damage.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Fuck.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think we covered everything. Yeah.
Pretty much. Yeah.
All right. So I got one last question.

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Speaker 1 We'll just go from

Speaker 1 that.

Speaker 1 Jalen Brunson, yes or no?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes? Sure.
That was such a like sad the like everyone said,

Speaker 1 dude, Jalen Brunson is good. I want him to be good.
I want him to be great. But he's not that.

Speaker 1 The Knicks are like, we need him. Did you give him 100? I don't even know.

Speaker 3 They spent like three weeks just trying to get Jalen Brunson.

Speaker 1 Only the Knicks would be in like a very public, like everyone's like, dude, he's a good player, but you're way overpaying for him. And they still were like, nope, we need him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then like, that's, I feel like the Knicks just are the kings of getting the good, not great players. Yes.
And being like, maybe it works. And then us over-inflating them.

Speaker 1 I kind of actually like, now that I'm saying it, I kind of like James Dolan's process. Strategy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I, as a gambling brain, I think the same thing where it's like, maybe this is, maybe it's just like everyone just plays their best for an entire season.

Speaker 1 He's trying to pony ball it, but just with no clue if people are good or not. Right.
And he's also playing like, let's sign people and just hope for the absolute best case scenario all the time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I like that. That is a gambling brain of like, this is the one that's going to work.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So I think I'm, I think I'm a James Dolan fan.
I mean, Jesus Christ. It's so funny.

Speaker 1 You've converted me, thank you, to a pedophile and James Dolan fan.

Speaker 1 He's sensitive. Dolan's sensitive.
Oh, he's he.

Speaker 1 We got, we, we, we put up a

Speaker 1 t-shirt once about him, like, fire dollars.

Speaker 1 And he was like, he got, he basically like personally was like taken down through like back channels, like instantly.

Speaker 1 He was like, how the fuck do you know? Like, it's like that, like, how'd you even see it? Because they got people in the system and everybody's loyal to him. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 The fish rost from the head down, right? So, like, everybody's trying to impress him.

Speaker 1 He even had, like, spies in the organization, not spies, but like people that were loyal to him when Phil was there. Yeah.
And that's why Phil was like, I'm out. I can't even do anything.
Right.

Speaker 1 Right. I forget the guy's name.
Who the fuck is he? That's why it's crazy to me. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 What was his name? Donnie something? No.

Speaker 1 I'll Google it after it's done. But there was a guy there who was just there to do, to basically report back.

Speaker 1 Now, he's loyal as fuck. Like, he got your back no matter what.
Right. I think Isaiah Thomas is still working there.
Yes, I think so. Like, didn't he sexually assault a chick?

Speaker 1 And then he made him work for the WNBA party. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he was like the worst GM of all time and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess that's like if you're just that loyal, yeah, then people are going to be drawn to you because they're like, but I want you to be loyal to us. Yeah.
Like, let's have a winning. I mean,

Speaker 1 New York is a basketball city. I don't think people realize this.
It is. It is pure basketball.
We grew up playing basketball. None of us grew up playing hockey.

Speaker 1 Like, none of us grew up playing football. Like, I went to, I went to, I grew up in Manhattan.
Like, there was no football field for me to play it.

Speaker 1 I played my basketball games from my high school at Basketball City because we didn't even have a basketball gym. So, it's like, this is all we care about.
It's all we know.

Speaker 1 And if the Knicks actually won a championship, oh, my God. Like, whoever's on that team, you're knighted.
Yeah, I mean, the Knicks beat the Celtics in the first game of the season.

Speaker 1 It was like a fucking parade. Exactly.
I mean,

Speaker 1 he's so sensitive, bro. He won't even let me sit courtside, man.
Really? Yeah, dude. It's like...
You're banned? No, not banned, but like, I did these. But if you bought a ticket.

Speaker 1 I'm a seasoned ticket holder. Okay, so I have fucking tickets.
Like, you don't got to give me tickets. Right.
I'll go. I don't want to call you for fucking tickets or do that whole fucking rigmarole.

Speaker 1 I go. But

Speaker 1 I was doing these shows at Radio City, right? I had two shows at Radio City sold out. They own Radio City, Madison Square Garden, and everybody's on.
And usually what they do is if you have a show,

Speaker 1 they go, they put you down there, you sit next to a guy on a Sopranos for two episodes, and then you like say hi, you wave at the camera.

Speaker 1 And I was going to do some, you know, I was going to try to do some funny shit with that moment. Right.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so I hit them up about it. Like, and listen, this is not like half full.
Like, we sold out two Radio City shows in one night. Right.
It's 12,000 people.

Speaker 1 We could, that's the garden if we wanted, right? Right. So it's like.

Speaker 1 And then I got the fucking, and then they tell me, ah, you know, we heard you said some things about Donald. They're not going to do it.
I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I'm trying to promote the shows at your venue. Right.
I'm making you money. I pay you to come to the games already.
Right.

Speaker 3 It's just insane. He must have a full-time guy that works for him whose job is to just like scour the internet

Speaker 3 for any mention of James Dolan. Jake, you should write an article about this interview about James Dolan.
Yeah. Knowing that he'll say.

Speaker 1 He'll absolutely read it 100%. And the only reason, and I've gone pretty wild on, you know, a few podcasts, but like.

Speaker 1 You've said some fucked-up shit.

Speaker 1 That's the part that we're not hearing here where Andrew's like, they won't let me sit court sides. Like, let's go find the tape.

Speaker 1 He was on the island.

Speaker 1 I know it for a fact.

Speaker 1 I want to do the garden.

Speaker 1 That's the goal, right? So, like, for the next tour, the goal is the garden. So, you know, I got James and a man.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Jake, that's the article.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, I got to do it. Andrew Schultz's

Speaker 3 James Dolan says best owner in sports.

Speaker 1 Jalen Brunson, home run signing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll get it for you. Home run signing.
Yeah. Who's your big three?

Speaker 3 Jalen Brunson and Julius Randle and who would be?

Speaker 1 Nah, Julius, I mean, Julius got to go. Unfortunately.

Speaker 1 It's not his fault, but like.

Speaker 1 Well, that was first year Tibbs. So like as a Pulse fan, I knew it.
Like last year, the Knicks were great. And everyone was like, this is awesome.
I was like, you guys just wait.

Speaker 1 He is so good at getting the most out of everyone in the middle of February. And then when they get to the playoffs and everyone, the way I always said it is like...

Speaker 1 LeBron plays in fucking third gear all year. And then when he gets to the playoffs, he goes up to fifth and sixth.

Speaker 1 When the Nick, the Knicks, Tibbs will get you to fifth and sixth gear all year and then when you get to playoffs like wait there's no more gear yeah like we're here you're 100 right and you see it with the guys right like a guy like uh julius randall just can't shoot in the playoffs and it's like because the d gets better yeah and they're actually like keying on you yeah and it's in a series and they're making adjustments nobody's playing d especially on a big like that who is a goofy like weird like tucked in left-handed jumper like i'm not I'm not stepping out to the three-point line right during the regulars.

Speaker 1 They have 44.

Speaker 1 Take it, please.

Speaker 1 Playoffs, I'm on that ass. Right, right.
You know, also during the playoffs, assholes get tight, right? Like, you get a little nervous. You're putting up shots.
Things get a little scary. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you saw it happen. And it's really interesting to see, like,

Speaker 1 there are people that you don't know are incredibly, like, naturally alpha. I'm not trying to use that as like a manosphere term.
I'm like, like, literally, like, they just in them are an alpha.

Speaker 1 Right. Like, there's a guy on the Raptors, you know, Fred Van Fluff.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Fred is an alpha. Oh, yeah.
Like, ice cold. Absolutely.
Does not fucking care.

Speaker 1 Plays the same in the regular season, same in the playoffs. He is not scared of the moment.
And then there are people that are scared of the moment.

Speaker 1 So to go full circle, Jalen Brunson actually might be one of those guys. He has a little of that alpha because like at Villanova, like you can see it.

Speaker 1 Oh, he went to Villanova. That's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was great at Villanova.
And like when Luca was down in that series, he picked it up.

Speaker 1 Like he does have that quiet alpha, like, I know what I can do, and I'm going to do it. Yeah, that extreme, like, that,

Speaker 1 what do they say, NBA confidence? Yeah. The term, like, yeah.
And you need to have that, but

Speaker 1 let's see what happens. I mean, like,

Speaker 1 yeah, New Yorkers, we also care if you're good at fighting. So, like, that, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, if you're a fighter, like, then we also like, like, Chris Childs can walk any street in New York, and it doesn't matter. Right.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, it doesn't matter if you hit a three-point shot. If you're ready to elbow someone in the fight, Charles Oakley, can you fight? Like, exactly.

Speaker 1 Charles Oakley, like, we just love you. If you can fight fight or if you play hard deep, we're the weirdest sports team.

Speaker 1 We really are. Like, we don't deserve.
We don't deserve Iverson crossing people over. We need someone to come in the lane and then you sit them on their ass and then stare at them while we lose by 12.

Speaker 1 That would be great if the Knicks just brought back post-offense. Just running it, like slowing it down like big man.
Well, that's what Phil tried to do, remember? Yeah. Yeah.
And it just wasn't.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, the game has changed, Phil. Everyone shoots the freeze now.
Yeah. It's like, no, it's the triangle.
Trust me. Oh, man.
All right. So no hope this year.
Everyone, go buy the special.

Speaker 1 Please. AndrewSchultz.com.
We appreciate that. Sorry for running long.

Speaker 1 Infamous out now. Yes.
Yes. Go buy it.
You only can buy it for another week. So, like I said, we're going to run this Monday.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 This will be the last week. This will be the last week to go get it.
Go get it. Run it the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Hear all the jokes that almost got cut. Yeah, let's just teach these streamers that

Speaker 1 people like funny jokes, and it doesn't matter if they're messed up. And that, you know, this is what they're going to have to deal with.

Speaker 1 Because if this is successful, they can't give comics notes anymore. That's the the way I look at it.
That's true. Right?

Speaker 1 It's like, if this works and it's an option, comics will do this just like they started to do YouTube. And now the streamers have to remove the note process because you can't give them anything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you can't compete. Yeah, yeah.
Listen, you know this. You have kids.
You're going to spend more money taking them kids to fucking Disney World one weekend. I'm not going to Disney World.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Six weeks. And everyone is a kid, so I'm not going.

Speaker 1 Where will you take them? Where is your?

Speaker 1 Wherever.

Speaker 1 Not Disney World. Okay.

Speaker 1 No way. You're not into that.
No,

Speaker 1 I know my kids kids would love it, but I'm not going to do it. I'm going to rob them of that.
Oh, that's good of them. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 They can have everything else, but you've got to keep something away from them. That's true.
Yeah, yeah. So they can develop character.
Yeah, well, I buy them like Amazon now.

Speaker 1 Like, my son will be like, I want to watch this show. And I'll be like, all right, I'll just buy some of these toys.

Speaker 1 And I realize how fucked up it is that he watches a show and the next day the toys there. So Disney World's out.
Gotcha.

Speaker 1 That's grit. That's grit.
That's grit. And you're a tough one.
My kids had everything. They didn't go to Disney World.
They did it. I don't know.

Speaker 1 That's why I think Disney ends up winning the streaming thing, though. It's like

Speaker 1 you spend more money in that weekend than like... No, it's true.
Think about it. If I had to erase every streaming app right now with kids, Disney would be the last one.

Speaker 1 You would be the last one to go. If you do go to Disney World, you're going to spend more money in that weekend than you'll spend on every streaming platform that you do for your whole life.
True.

Speaker 1 So Netflix needs to create an amusement park. They're trying.
They do the Here's Stranger Things pop-up or whatever like that.

Speaker 1 But like, you need something else if you're going to compete with the big boys. Yeah.
Simple as that. That's a good point.
All right. Andrew Schultz, thank you so much.
We appreciate it.

Speaker 1 Everyone go buy it. The Andrew Schultz.
Please, please, thank you. Thanks to Power.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's wrap up. We've got the Mount Rushmore of worst gifts to receive.

Speaker 1 Hank, I think your team won the last one, so you want to decide the order again?

Speaker 3 Sure.

Speaker 4 We did win the last one, two in a row.

Speaker 1 Oh, congratulations, Hank. That's awesome.

Speaker 4 Let me just double check our list. Make sure to see if we have a 1-1.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 Yeah, all right. We'll go one.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 4 we'll let Jake and Billy go second, and you guys can go third.

Speaker 1 Okay, cool. Great.
I'm excited. I'm excited for this.
I'm excited for a contentious Mount Rushmore. Also, a reminder, Takeies Wednesday.
Not to hype it up, but I'm hyping it up.

Speaker 1 It's the best takeies yet.

Speaker 4 All right.

Speaker 4 The 1-1, we are going to go with a pet.

Speaker 1 Any specific pet? Any specific pet? Because it's just any animal. It's just not so bad.
Okay.

Speaker 4 No, a dog wouldn't be bad.

Speaker 4 I mean, any animal that you have to take care of, it's like not a, it's not something that, let's say you don't like the gift, you can, you know, pretend to like it and then kind of just forget about it.

Speaker 4 If you get an animal, like you have to take care of that animal. It doesn't matter if it's a snake, doesn't matter if it's a dog, doesn't matter if it's a cat, could be a cow, could be a chicken.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 should we put on the list, so

Speaker 1 a pet and then in parentheses, i.e. a dog?

Speaker 4 No, I think.

Speaker 1 That's a sociopath.

Speaker 4 But i.e. a cat.
You could put i.e. a cat.
That works.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but you said, but you specifically said dog, which I thought was interesting.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Did I specifically say dog?

Speaker 3 Well, you were asked about dog and you said, and you said, yeah, a dog. A dog would be a bad gift.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I believe you said a dog, and I said, yes, any animal could be a dog, could be a cat, could be a snake.

Speaker 3 The first one you said was dog.

Speaker 3 I agree, actually. Like, I had a bird on my list.
I think a bird would be a bad gift, or a cat.

Speaker 1 That would be a bad cat.

Speaker 1 A dog on our list, yeah.

Speaker 3 I would be me personally, I would be pumped to get a dog.

Speaker 3 Billy wanted to get me a dog the day after Leroy died, and it was probably going to be too soon, but I still probably would have been like, oh, sweet, it's a cute puppy.

Speaker 1 You usually learn to love the

Speaker 3 animal gifts, and then you're like, oh, I can't believe, you know,

Speaker 3 unless you're a sociopath.

Speaker 1 Right. Which Hank is.

Speaker 4 Okay. I love dogs.
I just don't like.

Speaker 1 Do you have the ability to love Hank?

Speaker 4 Yes, Billy.

Speaker 1 Okay, Billy and Jake, go ahead. Your pick.

Speaker 5 Billy, you can start off.

Speaker 3 Self-help books.

Speaker 3 Because not only are they a book. that you're not going to read, it's a backhanded insult.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but eventually you learn to love to help yourself, you know, once you actually read them.

Speaker 3 Hank, remember when I got you the positive thinking book?

Speaker 4 No, you got me a link to an Amazon website.

Speaker 1 But did you hate it?

Speaker 4 You didn't send me. You didn't give me anything.
You tend to get it.

Speaker 3 That was just like the link in itself.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I opened up the page and then it was like, here, buy it. And I was like, I'm not going to buy it.
But thanks, Billy.

Speaker 1 That's beautiful. That's beautiful.
All right. So self-help book.

Speaker 1 Yeah, PFT, I think I do. I think I do because there's more into it.
So I'll pick that and then you do the other one.

Speaker 1 All right, so our first two picks are, number one, a gym membership because it's the double

Speaker 1 whammy of basically saying that you're fat and you need to get in shape. And then like the gift is you just have to go punish yourself at the gym.

Speaker 1 A gym membership fucking sucks to give someone and to receive.

Speaker 3 It's giving you a chore that you have to do. Correct.
And

Speaker 3 that's a pain in the ass. Like, don't get me wrong, I like to hit the gym on my schedule.
I don't want to feel like I'm beholden to anybody else on how much I use my gym membership.

Speaker 3 And then I certainly don't want to.

Speaker 3 Chances are, if somebody's giving you a gym membership, they're also a member of that gym. And so then you're going to have to see them in the gym and make small talk about the present.

Speaker 3 And then if you don't get strong and don't get in good shape, then it's like a slap in their face. It's like, oh, I guess you're not using my present.
I got you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's an insult gift that then has like just a lifespan of just torture behind it

Speaker 1 that's our first pick hank what'd you think any comments from anyone

Speaker 3 i mean if you go to the gym it's not a bad one

Speaker 1 but if you go to the gym you probably aren't getting a gym membership like you true yeah when you get a gym membership that means you're probably out of shape and you're being told you're out of shape by the person who's giving you the gym membership or something that's actually even a worse present So if somebody got me a gym membership, I already have a gym membership.

Speaker 3 I would be like, I'm a real piece of shit because this person doesn't even think I go to the gym.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Double.
There's no way to give someone a gym membership and have it be like, oh, that was a great exchange of gifts.

Speaker 3 Our second pick, we're going to go homemade clothes.

Speaker 3 It could be a mitten. It could be a homemade sweater, probably the worst of the bunch, in my opinion.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 3 it's always going to be itchy.

Speaker 1 Billy, you, you

Speaker 3 hate your guy with a straight face. There's love.

Speaker 1 There is love. So you hate your mom and your grandmother.

Speaker 5 Have you ever gotten a needlepoint gift?

Speaker 1 My mom has never given me a sweater. My mom would never do that.

Speaker 3 My mom is a much better gift than that.

Speaker 1 She would get me like

Speaker 1 there's no way in any world where giving someone a homemade clothing is better than giving them real clothing that's made, that's like actually nice.

Speaker 3 Have you ever gotten a needle pointed belt with your name on it that they take

Speaker 3 months and years to put together?

Speaker 1 That is something you've never received real love that's something you're gonna look back and be like i can't believe i wore that i can guarantee you i can guarantee

Speaker 1 okay i mean i can i can guarantee you right now that i will never receive a needle-pointed belt as a present with my name on it like you're going to sleep away camp and they got to put your name on your underwear so that in case you lose it they know it's billy's belt

Speaker 3 why would you why would you want a needle point but you're like walking around you're like yeah see this thing that's designed to keep myself from exposing myself? It's got my name on it.

Speaker 1 So in case I forget who I am, it's me, Billy. You see that? Look, yeah, that's me, Billy.
You see it on my belt?

Speaker 3 There's a lot of love in needle in homemade clothes.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 those are actually,

Speaker 1 you're actually proving the point because the worst type of gifts are the ones that like, it's the thought that counts. No.
I'd rather just you give me cash.

Speaker 1 That's the best gift you can ever give someone. No one has ever been like, damn, I didn't want that cash.

Speaker 1 That's a fact. That's a fucking fact.
All right, your guys' next pick.

Speaker 5 All right. I'm going to, we are going to go with a card with no gift in it.
So sometimes you just get a card and you expect, you see an envelope, it's

Speaker 5 some cash or a gift card. It's just the card.

Speaker 3 You do the thing where you open it up very carefully because a check might fall off the bottom and then there's nothing in there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's a great pick.

Speaker 1 that's a great pick yeah damn billy then you found it for what it's worth oh geez sounds like just trouble in paradise over there yeah billy what you did he he thumbed that down that's a great pick jake because like you're right when you open up a card you're like so far yeah a gift certificate some cash like the only thing i like even a check

Speaker 3 I didn't get what he was saying. I thought he just meant a card without a gift, like a separate gift.
I didn't know he meant like not money in it. So that was like the text type bag communication.

Speaker 1 Card with no gift in it, is what I wrote down.

Speaker 3 I know, but I didn't realize what you meant by gift.

Speaker 3 This team's falling apart.

Speaker 1 No, we're doing great.

Speaker 1 We have some great picks on the board.

Speaker 3 We have some great picks on the board.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
Hang on. You got to come.
You're a team. Oh, wow.
I'm excited. Can't wait.
Bart Scott.

Speaker 4 Billy, what state are you in?

Speaker 5 Denial.

Speaker 1 Pathological.

Speaker 4 This is where I'm in, like, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in flushmorb appetizers mode.

Speaker 1 There's a lot, there's a lot of picks out there, Hank.

Speaker 4 We'll go with an undersized article of clothing.

Speaker 1 Ooh. Okay.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like, because it's, it's homemade and they didn't know your body dimensions.

Speaker 4 No, but more so, like, if you, you know,

Speaker 4 it's, it's much harder to return because, let's say, that person has a receipt and then you have to be, like, if it's a family member, you have to be like, hey, do you have this receipt?

Speaker 4 Because I'm going to go return it because you don't even know my size. And then it's like super awkward.
So you usually just take it and then never wear it.

Speaker 3 And then it's just a bad gift.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think that's a very good pick.

Speaker 3 For about like 10 years, I had some close family members that would, they would always buy me like a quarter zip or a pullover or a button-up shirt. And every single time they would get me a large.

Speaker 3 And every single time I would be like, I'm a medium. And they just refused to accept the fact that I was small.

Speaker 3 They, they, it was like them burying their head in the sand, being like, no, no, no son of mine is a beta who wears a medium. It's a large.

Speaker 1 You'll grow.

Speaker 3 Trust me. Just give it some time.
And I had to tell them every time. It's like, nope, nope.
Still not there yet. So now I've got it.

Speaker 3 I had a closet that was just filled with really nice shirts that were slightly too big for me because my family couldn't accept the fact that I was five five foot eight.

Speaker 1 It's brutal. Brutal.
That's tough. That's tough.
I definitely have gone the, yeah, people getting like an XL. It's like, ah, you haven't heard.
I'm a 2X now. Things have changed.

Speaker 1 Your boy's doing well.

Speaker 1 That used to be the sign of wealth back in the day.

Speaker 1 Okay, Hank, Team Hank, next one.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 They're struggling.

Speaker 4 I just don't know what to say. I feel like we'll go with Papadillas.

Speaker 1 Whoa, that's fucked up. That's fine.
It's like hypothetically, it's your birthday.

Speaker 4 You and your girlfriend just broke up. You know, you need some support from the boys.
Everyone forgets it's your birthday.

Speaker 4 And then they order papadillas and make you eat them even though you hate them. Now, had you told them that would be a, that would be a bad gift.

Speaker 1 Well, hypothetically, the boys supported.

Speaker 1 the ever-living fuck out of you for an entire summer and hypothetically they also were playing the papadias commercial non-stop in our face and hypothetically the person you're hypothetically talking about might be at double XL, as previously stated.

Speaker 1 And Papadillas was the only way to fill the void inside of his cavernous belly, hypothetically.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 I mean, they weren't bad.

Speaker 3 Where did this come from?

Speaker 3 I thought as a group, we all agree that there were some of them that were like above average.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 4 They were so, so, so bad. I mean, did we ever get them again? Did we ever bring them up again? Would you ever even want to to get them again?

Speaker 3 Hey, what you fail to understand is that if you if you advertise something during sports enough and you put it in front of our eyes on TV, we are going to have to buy it at some point to try it out.

Speaker 4 Yeah, there's like orange trailer any literally any other night.

Speaker 1 Fine.

Speaker 1 I didn't know you were that big for downrinks.

Speaker 3 No, I'm not.

Speaker 1 It was just like, I don't know. Oh, I felt bad.
Disgusting. Thank you, Drake.
Very cool.

Speaker 1 The guy who has lettuce on his steak and cheese and diarrhea for a week, that's where you're going going to take this from?

Speaker 1 He looked at Papadia and was like, oh, no, I should check myself in the hospital. You guys,

Speaker 4 I won't forget it. This kid who was like an intern at the time, I didn't even know his name at the time.

Speaker 4 We were in the gambling cave like four hours later after we'd eaten the papadillas, and he comes in and was like, happy birthday, Hank. And

Speaker 4 you guys were like silent for like five seconds.

Speaker 1 You were like, oh.

Speaker 1 So? That means the papadillas weren't even a birthday.

Speaker 1 You can't get upset about it.

Speaker 3 Hank, you remember when I brought in two pieces of cake for myself on your birthday? And you were like, oh, you got cake. And I was like, yeah, I do.
It's for me.

Speaker 3 And totally forgot it was your birthday. And then I had to go get you cake the next day.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's a fun, it's a fun, recurring theme.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, listen, the papadillas weren't that bad.

Speaker 3 And the fact that Jake slammed papadillas makes me actually like them more because Jake went into a TGI Fridays and called the police, being like, there's water on the tables in here.

Speaker 3 Jake's taste in food,

Speaker 3 while it's healthy, much healthier than ours, is also quite elitist at times.

Speaker 1 Yes, you're on the wrong side of history here. If Jake's on your side when it comes to food, you're on the wrong side of history.

Speaker 5 No, I treat myself on the weekends.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 1 he gets lettuce. I had a salad, Chase.

Speaker 5 I had

Speaker 5 colony grill last night on the drive home.

Speaker 1 Not even hot oil.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jake orders a Coke diesel, full sugar.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Pours half of it out, but he still ordered it.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 team Billy and Jake,

Speaker 1 this is when you're coming back with the thing that we're waiting for. So let's do it.

Speaker 5 All right. Should I say the one you want me to say?

Speaker 1 Giving.

Speaker 1 Nope. Indian gifts.
Gifts that gets taken away.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Like Indian gifts.
That's what you waited for.

Speaker 1 No, because it's

Speaker 1 like a gift that's given and then taken back.

Speaker 1 I don't think people say that anymore. They don't.

Speaker 1 That's like a Marlins man. A Marlins man says that.

Speaker 3 It's called Commander's Giving.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm looking on the Wiktionary for it.

Speaker 5 Informal, derogatory, offensive.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to the person giving.

Speaker 1 No, no, Billy. No, no.
It's offensive to the person giving the gift. Right.

Speaker 1 But it's not.

Speaker 1 But it's talking about how land was given and then taken away from Native Americans.

Speaker 3 It's not offensive to Native Americans.

Speaker 4 Why wouldn't it be called American giving?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay. The history behind the phrase don't.
Can we just bleep out every time I say that if it is offensive?

Speaker 1 No, we needed the graphic. No, yeah, no, no, no.
That's your pit.

Speaker 5 I said, do you think that'll play on the graphic? And he said, if they put Indian giving.

Speaker 1 One of the most. Okay, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 This is the shot you called, by the way. This is Babe Bruce calling his shot and then like a little dribbler to third base.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait. Oh, fuck.
Wait, I thought it was.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right, here we go.
Where did the concept of Indian giving really come from?

Speaker 3 The answer to that is what white settlers thought was rudeness and a lack of generosity. The concept of an Indian gift or Indian giver traces roots back to at least the 1700s.

Speaker 3 Thomas Hutchison defined an Indian gift as a present for which an equivalent return is expected. So this is

Speaker 3 it's it's to an Indian the giving of gifts was an extension of the system of trade and a gift was expected to be reciprocated with something of equal value.

Speaker 3 Europeans upon encountering this practice misunderstood it and considered it uncouth and impolite.

Speaker 1 So it's an insult.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure they use this like as a joke Michael Scott shouldn't have used in like the first season of the

Speaker 1 office when he said the n-word. That's how long it's been like, hey, you don't say that.

Speaker 3 I thought it meant like, like, the

Speaker 1 Europeans gave the aliens like reservations and took them away. No.
All right, so just make sure the graphic says Billy's pick in parentheses next to this one.

Speaker 1 So we just know it's Billy who picked this. Is this really that bad? Okay, so our next pick.

Speaker 1 All right, PFT, what do we want to do? We know what's a gift, but, you know, whatever.

Speaker 3 All Billy had to do is not use a racial slur in his Mount Rushmore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he almost didn't. He almost didn't.

Speaker 1 All right, PFT. Let me go with you.

Speaker 3 You want to go with yours and I'll go with mine?

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay, wait. So, what was

Speaker 1 it? Okay, 300 years ago, Billy, that plays.

Speaker 4 Don't worry about it. You're only a couple little bits.

Speaker 3 I misunderstood. I thought it had to do with the cruelness of.

Speaker 3 So I'm going to do that one. Here it is.

Speaker 3 Did I just emphasize?

Speaker 1 Yep, I like that one as our last pick. But what should we do do for our third pick? Should we go more straight down the line?

Speaker 3 You can either do

Speaker 1 that. I think that's a good weird one.

Speaker 1 I just got you.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right. All right.
Giving someone a tie. Everyone's giving their father a tie.
Just a terrible gift to give and receive. It's basically like, hey, you're trapped in a fucking

Speaker 1 in a job you hate.

Speaker 1 Here's

Speaker 1 a semi-expensive thing you can wear to change change it up from monday to tuesday so you know what the difference between the two days are because every other day melts together a tie is a terrible gift and if somebody gives me a tie they're pretty much saying here's something you can wear to court yeah yeah it's just it's it's it's another one of those insult gifts where it's like hey we can't think of any anything you like outside of the fact that you just have to go to work five days a week so here it is here's a tie now i would like to hear from jake because i'm assuming he's going to be like actually it's a great great gift.

Speaker 5 I mean, I think it depends on the profession. Like, if you're someone like me who you wear,

Speaker 1 a tie. Yeah.
Who's a podcaster?

Speaker 5 It depends. Like, if you're a public figure in, like, politics where you wear ties 24-7, then it probably means more.

Speaker 5 But if you're a podcaster when you never have to wear one, it's like, what am I going to do with this? I think it depends on the person.

Speaker 1 I think the hit rate for giving a tie and having the person be happy they received a a tie is like less than 1%.

Speaker 4 Lost Big Hat. That's a really good pick, though.
I thought it earlier and I forgot to write it in the group text and then I forgot it. So

Speaker 4 I was very mad at myself.

Speaker 3 That's a good pick. It's a double whammy of being a very boring gift and also just being like, you're a very hard person to shop for because nobody knows anything about you.

Speaker 3 It's like a direct, it's a challenge to your entire lifestyle if somebody gives you a tie.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah. Giving a tie.

Speaker 1 What I was saying, I got cut out for one second. Is I think that giving a tie, receiving a tie as a gift is a less than 1% chance the person appreciates it.
That's how low of a hit rate it is.

Speaker 3 Our last pick is a giant decorative horse filled with Greek soldiers waiting to ransack your city. That's a pretty bad gift.
Really bad gift.

Speaker 1 Pretty bad gift.

Speaker 3 And it's also insulting to be like, hey, you're so dumb that you're going to think that this is a peace offering, thinking that you kicked our ass in war. And next thing you know, Troy will fall.

Speaker 3 Great gift. That's offensive to Trojans, PFT.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 You're offensive to Trojans because your dad's

Speaker 1 your warm one.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, have that.

Speaker 1 God damn.

Speaker 3 Oh, no, that's offensive to all the Trojans who are slaughtered by the Greeks.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're actually going to come back from that? You're going to keep going with yours after PFT did that to you?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Shout out to all our listeners from Troy.
No offense in my last pick. But I mean, even you have to understand.

Speaker 3 Also, like, honorable, I'll wait for my honorable mention, but it's kind of related to that.

Speaker 1 All right, go ahead, Team Jilly. Let's see what other nationality or ethnicity they can offend with their last pick.

Speaker 3 I will be writing a blog. I'll be writing a blog on why you shouldn't use that term.

Speaker 3 And it will be long and informative, and we'll set the record straight.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Go ahead, your last pick.

Speaker 5 Our last pick is going to be an intervention.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, I mean, I kind of see where Jake's going with this because at the end of the intervention, their gift is like they give you the trip to whatever, whatever like inpatient therapy place that you have to go to, like a clinic that you get to spend time in, that will be paid for you.

Speaker 3 But it is, on the other hand, Jake, it's actually the greatest gift of love of all.

Speaker 5 It's true.

Speaker 1 I'm actually saving your life. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 5 I'm on the trade block.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're putting yourself on the trade block now. I was thinking, like,

Speaker 1 the last time we gave an intervention, the person was like, Good. I actually now have way more time to blog all the things I wanted to blog.
So it could go either way.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well said. Well said.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Last pick tank.

Speaker 4 I feel like it's been, you guys, you guys are running away with this.

Speaker 4 We will go with a book.

Speaker 1 Good one.

Speaker 1 Yep. Good pick.
Had it on my list.

Speaker 3 Like a self-help book?

Speaker 4 No, just any book, like any book that's like, oh, I read this. I think you might like it.
Because then, you know, it's similar to gym membership. It's like

Speaker 4 you have to probably read it or they're going to bring it up next time. Like, hey, did you read that? And it's like, no,

Speaker 4 but I'm going to. Like, it's just, it just, it just creates a, uh, a future awkward situation unless you take the time to actually read the book.

Speaker 4 And although people in my family love books, but me personally, not, yeah, not

Speaker 1 it's, it's the book you get your dad on like Father's Day because you're like, oh, my dad likes sports. Let me get him this book about Jackie Robinson.

Speaker 1 Like, that, or like, let me get him this book about,

Speaker 1 like, you know, like, name any like,

Speaker 1 sporting event that happened like before 1970. You're like, oh, here's a book about Muhammad Ali or Babe Ruth.
And it's just, you're just giving him fucking homework to do.

Speaker 4 Streaming really fucked up the DVD game because that was such an easy, easy gift. Like everyone likes movies.

Speaker 4 You can just get, you know, go to Walmart, get a couple of DVDs, maybe throw in a funny one there, like a $2 one that's a joke, but like also with a good movie. But you just can't do that anymore.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I said one exception to the book gift being bad is if somebody gives you, oh, the places you'll go, because people only wait to break that one out when they're like super proud of you for something that you just did.

Speaker 3 If you see all the places you'll go being given to somebody at like a birthday party, it's like that person's got their life together. They're doing big things.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Chicken soup for the soul or whatever the fuck.
What was that book called?

Speaker 3 Yeah, there was like a bunch of different chicken soups. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, should we do honorable mentions before we end the show and end Billy's career?

Speaker 3 Do you want the two that I was going to pick?

Speaker 4 I opted out because of the team game, and I kind of felt like these were going to be bad.

Speaker 4 But the two I would have won if we were doing solos, I probably would have done gift cards and scratch tickets.

Speaker 1 So I like scratch tickets. Yeah, scratch tickets are great.

Speaker 1 What if you lose? Scratch tickets are great, though, because everyone, I mean, it's a non-gift. Yeah, but gift cards, I kind of agree with because it's like you now have to go like just give cash.

Speaker 1 That's where the cash comes in.

Speaker 4 I think both of those, I think both of those are give cash.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. What else did we have?

Speaker 1 I had

Speaker 1 giving a two-year-old a PS5 and Hitman 3, which Stu Feiner did for my son.

Speaker 1 That was a tough gift.

Speaker 1 But the thought, that was a real true thought that counts by Stu, because he gave my son a bunch of age-appropriate toys, and then it was a brand new PS5

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 Spider-Man, Hitman 3, and NBA 2K. I was like, he's two.
But again, thought that counts because I love Stu.

Speaker 1 I had

Speaker 3 buying someone else's son or daughter a drum set

Speaker 3 or like a trumpet, a really loud instrument, being like, here, this is going to ruin your life with this gift that I'm giving to your son or daughter. I had,

Speaker 3 if they get you like an intricate board game that only they enjoy, that you've never played before, and they're like, hey, I really like this game. I think you will too.

Speaker 3 And then it takes like two days to learn the rules and another three days to play the game. Don't like that.
And then I had a scale. Just a scale is a bad gift, too.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Yep. I had also on there candle or cologne, like telling someone else, here's a smell.
I like that's just, it's a terrible gift to get. Like, here's a smell.
Use it.

Speaker 1 The

Speaker 1 oh,

Speaker 1 your quarterback throwing an easy pick six. Terrible gift to have to.
That is a gift. Yeah.
Yeah. When you, when you're like, oh, that was a gift for the other team.

Speaker 1 Also, like, your goalie giving up a cheapie. That's a fucking terrible feeling.

Speaker 4 I kind of wish I had said this. I wish I had said this one for the graph, just so it was on the graphic because memes texted this and me and Liam were just perplexed.

Speaker 4 But he said, dish soap, then telling the person, I know how much you love to do the dishes.

Speaker 1 Ooh, yeah, like a vacuum cleaner,

Speaker 1 not a great game. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I one time almost did that with like a Roomba, and then I was like, the visual on this does not look good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. You got toothpaste.

Speaker 3 Toothpaste? Yeah, toothpaste would be bad.

Speaker 1 It sucks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's good. Floss, giving someone floss.

Speaker 4 I actually, this was something I had the, like, this was a real-time, like, I'm fucking old, because I remember when I was younger, I got socks, and I was like, this sucks.

Speaker 4 And then I was going to write it down. I was like, if I got socks today, I'd be yeah.

Speaker 1 So, but socks is that's actually not, but like, when you're a kid, socks and underwear, like, yeah, terrible.

Speaker 4 Yeah, when you're a kid, like, every, every gift is, you know, possibly your favorite thing ever. And then when it's just socks, you're like, fuck.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Speaker 4 But then once, yeah, once, once you get older, socks and underwear are life essentials. Yep.

Speaker 3 Along the same lines lines of the Trojan horse, the Statue of Liberty was low-key a pretty shitty thing for the French to do to us. They just made this giant sculpture out of bronze.

Speaker 3 And it's like, here, you have to clean this every day or else it's going to turn green. It's a big fucking woman.
And it's so big that you have to find an island to put it on.

Speaker 3 And oh yeah, it's also going to make you have to fight. on our side in every war that happens from now until the end of eternity.

Speaker 3 So, I mean, in some ways, it was, it ended up being an effective gift by the French, but low-key, I think, was a bad gift.

Speaker 1 It's literally a lawn ornament for a country. That's kind of sick, though.
I think that's kind of sick. Like, who, I don't like the Statue of Liberty slander.
I like that.

Speaker 1 That big lady, she's just, she's freedom, baby. You see her and you're like, damn, we're home.

Speaker 3 I think she's overrated.

Speaker 1 As crazy as

Speaker 1 communists. Yeah, but also, like, who, who thinks too, like.
It's just one of those things that exists. Like, I never even think about the Statue of Liberty.
I live like

Speaker 4 what national monuments do, like, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, we're doing that. Do we like the a monument

Speaker 3 like mount no i no i didn't say it was problematic i just said like if you're gonna give us a giant statue of a woman at least put some cake in her backside at least like put some low cut on her there's a little treat for the fellas flying over

Speaker 1 you haven't looked at the you haven't looked at the statue of liberty how many beers for the statue of liberty dude it's freedom back then oh yeah dude yeah back then that's the thing You have to clean it every day.

Speaker 3 It's the worst possible material. Like if it was still like shiny, that would be sick.
But no, it's green now.

Speaker 1 Green is cool.

Speaker 1 Green makes it cool. You don't see green

Speaker 1 things like that. You don't see big.
Fiona.

Speaker 1 Who?

Speaker 1 Fiona from Shrek. Yes, sure.
Hermit. Okay.
There we go. Name green.
Some green.

Speaker 3 But wait, if the Statue of Liberty is so great, how many times have you guys been to visit her?

Speaker 4 Multiple times.

Speaker 1 Once or twice. I also got like every day on my walk.
Like, she's fucking cool, dude.

Speaker 1 That's America.

Speaker 4 That is america me and trent went in like 2013 best thought

Speaker 3 you must have had relatives who went through ellis island pft

Speaker 1 oh damn roasted

Speaker 1 damn

Speaker 1 i don't know where my parents are my relatives the weirdest roast ever bro

Speaker 4 you're so fucking late billy's ancestors actually were were from here so that's why it's not problematic for him to say that yeah that's true actually

Speaker 3 i do have more than elizabeth warren but not enough to rep that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all right. I got here we go.
You're you're you're broke at Hannes.

Speaker 1 Oh, all right, let's do numbers and get out of here before Billy ruins this whole podcast franchise.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 six. How do I get

Speaker 1 bleep this? Like, is this really bad? No, uh, 27

Speaker 1 six

Speaker 1 seven, Hank, six, nine,

Speaker 1 fifty-eight, I don't know. 51.

Speaker 1 Wednesday. Takeies.
Be there. Greatest takeies we've ever done.
Oh, 51's new. 51's new.
Oh, score to God. He's crying about that.

Speaker 1 What doesn't have an asterisk? Yeah, it has an asterisk. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 5 So we still have 6, 26, 27, 29, and 78. So we're down to five numbers.

Speaker 1 Incredible. Did I have the Hank cat bat thing?

Speaker 5 Was that never?

Speaker 1 No, because he's whatever.

Speaker 1 I got him Papadias for his birthday. I can't say anything else.
All right, we'll see everyone Wednesday.

Speaker 3 Feral horses caused the most property damage out of any invasive species in North America.

Speaker 3 Love you guys.

Speaker 3 Talking away.

Speaker 3 I don't know what

Speaker 3 I'm to say and say

Speaker 3 anyway.

Speaker 3 Today's a matter of days are fine. You shine away.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 3 Shy it away.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 3 Come

Speaker 3 in,

Speaker 3 on

Speaker 3 I

Speaker 3 gone

Speaker 3 when it's

Speaker 3 a

Speaker 3 change.

Speaker 3 Needless to say

Speaker 3 I'll say it's a

Speaker 3 be

Speaker 3 so little

Speaker 3 way.

Speaker 3 Telling them that life is okay.

Speaker 3 Say I'm free.

Speaker 3 There's no better to be safe and sorry.

Speaker 3 Say

Speaker 3 gone.

Speaker 3 Say

Speaker 3 me

Speaker 3 I

Speaker 3 begone

Speaker 3 for

Speaker 3 faith

Speaker 3 All the things that you say,

Speaker 3 oh

Speaker 3 just to play that worries away

Speaker 3 You are things I've got to remember

Speaker 3 You shy and and away.

Speaker 3 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 3 Thank

Speaker 3 me.

Speaker 3 I'll be

Speaker 3 gone.

Speaker 3 I'll be

Speaker 3 young

Speaker 3 in a

Speaker 3 day

Speaker 3 I'll be all the

Speaker 3 way