Brand New 3 Hour Dungeons And Dragons Campaign With Timm Woods And Nick Turani

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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On today's part of my take,

Speaker 1 three hours of Dungeons and Dragons. In studio, Tim Woods, our good friend Nick, we start a new campaign all in this episode.
We start it, we finish it, we do it all. It is maybe the greatest

Speaker 1 podcasting ever done. Yeah, I'm just going to say it, podcasting ever done.

Speaker 1 I think I said that if Game of Thrones creators had had a last season that was half as good as this, then everyone would have critical acclaim of it. That's how good it is.
Get excited.

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Speaker 2 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 2 And I'm not of

Speaker 2 work to be done.

Speaker 2 No place to hang a low washing,

Speaker 2 and then a gambling all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue,

Speaker 2 and then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 2 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Electric.

Speaker 1 It's part of my take, presented by Marshall Sports.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by Visible. visible.
Go to visible.com/slash pod, and you can get single-line wireless for as low as $25 a month.

Speaker 1 Today is Friday, July 8th, and we're playing Dungeon and Dragons, boys. We're doing it.
We're doing it. We are doing it.
People asked for it. We decided.

Speaker 1 So, if you don't know our history with Dungeon and Dragons, we had Tim Woods on probably like four or five years ago. One of the best guys ever, like literally, one of my favorite human beings alive.

Speaker 1 And we started a campaign. Every time we had him come in, we would kind of like rehash where we had been and then pick it up.
And it was sporadic.

Speaker 1 And so we decided instead of doing that where we have him come in for an hour and 30 minutes of it is recap, we had him come in and we started a completely new campaign with our friend Nick.

Speaker 1 And it like the twists and turns, just buckle up. I'm going to say right now, buckle up.
Buckle up. Things happened on the show that have never happened in the history of Part of My Take 2.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's all I'm going to say.

Speaker 1 There's some interesting stuff that comes out. Nick is a great player, awesome addition to the crew.

Speaker 1 We turn on each other, we turn back on each other. Just be prepared.
This is going to be some crazy shit. Yes, it is going to be some crazy shit.

Speaker 1 And then we will be back in studio on Monday for a regular episode. But

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Speaker 1 Okay, we have

Speaker 1 our very favorite, probably one of our top three favorite guys that is in the Pardon My Take universe. It is Tim Woods on the show for a special

Speaker 1 edition of Dungeons and Dragons, where we are going to have this whole episode will be an entire adventure. And we have added the biggest nerd in the office in Nick Turani.
That's fair to see.

Speaker 1 He's here. Hot seat Jake.
Yeah, so it's going to be an incredible experience.

Speaker 1 We're going to start fresh because we know we've done a bunch of Dungeon and Dragons episodes where like the first hour of the episode was us recapping what happened in the last one.

Speaker 1 So we're like, fuck it, let's just start fresh. Let's do an extended version all in one episode.
I am so excited. Tim, take it away.
Absolutely. It is so good to be here.
Great to be back.

Speaker 1 It's been a while and I'm so excited for us to dive back into D ⁇ D. I think it's also going to be great that we're starting fresh.
The adventure that I have planned for us today is a classic.

Speaker 1 It is known as Lost Minds of Fandelver.

Speaker 1 It is one of the most well-known D ⁇ D adventures and it is in fact the one that we started playing, but only did a little bit of before we turned upon each other and killed each other.

Speaker 1 So now I think we're actually

Speaker 1 doing it. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 That will be certainly a callback for anyone who does remember that, but I don't even really remember it. What's it called again? Last, what is it?

Speaker 1 Lost Minds of Fandelver. And I appreciated that you turned to Nick and you're like, Nick, just to be sure, you've never played The Lost Minds of Fandelver.

Speaker 1 Do I wear it on my face that well that I i may have played that honestly it's a it's a well-known adventure it's in the beginner box so if anybody has played any adventure here it would be that one so i just had to double check but yeah i know it's so great when you have people who have played d and d because very often their dungeon masters are making up their own stuff but when you do the out-of-the-box stuff you never want to run something that somebody knows are all like the secrets and stuff are in the adventure already you would know what i know and that's too much information yeah too much to have revealed i'll just say having you back in the studio the energy in the room instantly changed.

Speaker 1 Yes. Hank, you are actually smiling.
You are a positive force of nature, Tim. Yeah.
We love you. And that's Tim with 2M's.
Where can they find you online? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 They can find me at Tim with 2Mswoods.com. That's mainly where I'm at.
And through there, you can get to all my social media on Twitter and Instagram and stuff.

Speaker 1 So I'm always posting updates and things like that. Tim with 2M's, Bill with 2L's.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, Hank, are you going to drink those beers? Are they just for show? I actually should. They're getting heavy on my head.
Yeah, you can drink them. Go ahead, drink them.
Crack them all.

Speaker 1 That'll lighten up that encumbrance.

Speaker 1 okay hank's cracking the beers let's do it though absolutely and in fact our story begins with a little bit of drinking as it were we are currently at dinner and drinks are being served because of course they always are being served at a dwarven merchant's house we are at the home of one gundren rock seeker he's a dwarven merchant one of the three Rockseeker brothers and the first things they serve in his house are always the drinks first food food second,

Speaker 1 second priority. He's like a crackhead.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And I'll just say that Wayne the Bard, just a reminder as to who our characters are, Wayne the Bard, you are also a dwarf. So I'm going to say that's probably how you know Gundran Rock Seeker already.

Speaker 1 As a dwarf in the city of Neverwinter, you are part of that dwarven community.

Speaker 1 It's not because I'm short, right?

Speaker 1 No, it's not just because you're short. It's because dwarves tend to congregate together.
They're very close-knit families and clans, and they are always hanging out together.

Speaker 1 A lot of dwarves in Neverwinter know each other and are part of this thriving community. The boys are back in town.
The boys are back in town, absolutely.

Speaker 1 And in fact, since you said that, I will say, Gundren Rockseeker, the first thing he said to you when you arrived at this dinner, Wayne, was that, well, right now,

Speaker 1 it's just me, as it were, my boys are not in town because the two brothers, my Rockseeker brothers, I'm one of three, they're currently in another village, a village known as Fandalin, far from here.

Speaker 1 And that's actually why I'm gathering you all here. And Norm the barbarian,

Speaker 1 you are a human, and in theory, in the thriving city of Neverwinter, you're even rarer than a dwarf because most of the barbarians live out in Neverwinter woods, which is full of like werewolves and witches and all kinds of monsters.

Speaker 1 You are making maybe one of your rare visits to the city of Neverwinter, mainly because Gundren Rockseeker has offered you money for a lot of people.

Speaker 1 I'm like the kid that Bleacher Report posts, like the seventh grader who's seven feet and he's just dunking on a bunch of like five-foot kids. Okay, yeah, that's me right now.

Speaker 1 Absolutely, though you are younger than Gundren. You are significantly larger than him.

Speaker 1 As a barbarian, you are muscled and strong and very much stand a good twice the height of Gundren when you are standing. This kid's going to be a problem in 2030.
Absolutely. Never is.
Yeah, never is.

Speaker 1 Always like, nope, he was just taller than everyone. He's got the natural talent, but you got to level it up, of course.

Speaker 1 You're going to learn how to play center in seventh grade, and then you're never going to grow, and you're going to be like 6'3. Yeah.
No ball skills, whatsoever. Clumsy as fuck, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 It's a good analogy for a barbarian because whereas you don't focus on the strategy of fighting, you just rush right in and have all that natural rage that is carrying you through.

Speaker 1 And it is clear that he's letting you know why he has recruited you for this job because the job that he's paying you all for will not just require loyal dwarven bards, but also strong warriors.

Speaker 1 I need supplies delivered to me, brothers in Fandalin, and I need someone to guard these supplies. He's turning from you, Norm, to Cake the Wizard next.

Speaker 1 Cake the Wizard, he is advising that he has invited you, though I don't know much about magic.

Speaker 1 and I don't really know much about elves and your woods and your ways, but I do find that magicians are very helpful on the road for dealing with bandits and goblins and whatever kinds of challenges you might run into.

Speaker 1 Also for just knowing which herbs are safe to eat or smoke and which are not safe. And so an expert in the arcane ways, I think, will be very helpful.

Speaker 1 And you need money for your research, so if he's paying you money right now, you do think that that'll be a good thing for you to augment your list of spells that you currently have.

Speaker 1 It is expensive to be a wizard because you need to keep collecting books and things like that, but with the jobs like this, that is how you kind of pay your way through.

Speaker 1 And he says, I know they won't get lost with you on their side at the very least, but they thought one magician might not be enough. And he nervously turns to Erlik, the gnomish warlock.

Speaker 1 And Ehrlich, you can tell that he must have run out of people that he felt he could safely hire because he he looks to you and you see sweat on his forehead. He goes,

Speaker 1 Ehrlich, I admit I don't know much about you or your magic. He is not saying it, but you know that Gundren must suspect.
Racist. Your magic comes from fiendish sources, infernal sources.

Speaker 1 And though he has never seen Lola, the imp who hangs out on your shoulder, mainly because Lola is always invisible for the most part. That's my demon imp.

Speaker 1 And that's your demon imp, and she can turn into raven form or spider form, but she can also just turn invisible.

Speaker 1 So I imagine most of the time she's just sitting on your shoulder, giggling into your ear with her scorpion tail kind of aimed at anyone she thinks of as an enemy relative to you.

Speaker 1 And he says, And Jake is, or

Speaker 1 what's his name, Shake? And Cake. Cake the wizard.
Problem with your beer there. What happened?

Speaker 1 I don't know what's going on with this thing. It's just seemingly, it seems like it's all foam.

Speaker 1 It's delicious, though. Mountains are blue.

Speaker 1 It is the helmet of all-giving beer that your patron a demon has granted you or a devil i should say has granted you certainly uh and is the source of your power this devilish fiend that you draw power from and it's clear that gundren at least suspects that unlike cake the wizard who studies books to learn magic you got your magic from another source yes street magic a deal it is street magic truly when you don't have the money to go to wizard school and buy all these books you have to turn to street magic and that is what you did You made a deal for your magic.

Speaker 1 The will hunting of warlocks. Absolutely.
And now that means that both, absolutely.

Speaker 1 How do you like those warlock apples for certain? And at this point, I feel it's worth saying that even though you just made a deal to get your magic, you and Cake are both as powerful as each other.

Speaker 1 You have both unlocked a very important spell at level five, which you have earned, which is the spell fireball. Fireball is the ability to blast a fire of enemies with a

Speaker 1 blast of fire. Yeah, I mean, well, one has to be stronger than the other, right? There can only be one best.

Speaker 1 Who's the best between Cake and Ehrlich? It's got to be Cake.

Speaker 1 Ehrlich's a little bit better.

Speaker 1 No? I would say that Ehrlich's fireballs are very powerful, but Cake's fireballs have one additional ability that Ehrlich's fireballs don't have. You have something called spell shaping, Cake.

Speaker 1 And that means that when you detonate a fireball and your teammates are in the middle of it, you can shape the spell around around them so they're safe.

Speaker 1 However, Ehrlich, you don't worry about such things. When you do your magic, whoever's caught in the way, they're caught in the way.

Speaker 1 And so your patron does not grant you fireballs that can move around your allies. He just grants you fireballs straight up.

Speaker 1 And so I'd say that you have more attack spells maybe than Cake, but Cake, you have more nuance and finesse to your spells, perhaps. I might take out some friendly fire.

Speaker 1 You might deal some friendly fire for certain. And your patron would just...
And Lola, the imp imp would just be laughing in your ear the whole time. I don't trust Lola.
No, I don't trust her at all.

Speaker 1 We have someone else in here? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 In fact, as Gundren looks around the table at this group of individuals he has apparently hired to guard goods along the way, he turns to the final individual.

Speaker 1 Nick, I would like you to get ready to introduce your character. But before you do, I want to confirm who your character is.

Speaker 1 First of all, there's like big categories like fighty types and sneaky types like rogues or spellcasting types like druids and sorcerers. Which are you leaning more towards?

Speaker 1 A fighter type or a spellcast? What do you think we need the most of right now? I would definitely think an additional fighty type is a very good choice.

Speaker 1 And there are some big categories for fighty types. There's the different classes.
We have a barbarian already. We have a fighter who is a bit more like strategic use of arms and armor.

Speaker 1 There is also a monk who are focused on like martial arts and things like that. There's rangers who love to explore the woods with their bow and are very accurate very often with their archery skills.

Speaker 1 And then there are paladins. Paladins are the true heroes of the D ⁇ D classes.

Speaker 1 They are holy warriors who venture out with their sword and their shield to very often do good, unless you're a dark paladin, in which case your goal is to go out.

Speaker 1 You're like the black knight you got and you do evil in that case.

Speaker 1 Which would you be leaning towards?

Speaker 1 It sounds like I've been swayed to paladin. Holy

Speaker 1 priest. Yes.
A paladin is trustworthy. A fantastic choice.
Now you can be a good or an evil paladin by declaring that you are following a good or an evil god or a good and an evil oath.

Speaker 1 But in addition to deciding whether you're good or evil, you get to decide what your oath is. And there's two main choices.

Speaker 1 If you're a paladin of protection, you're all about defending the innocent, whoever they might be in your mind, against whoever the enemies of the innocent people are.

Speaker 1 But if you're a paladin of vengeance, then your policy is a bit more, well, if I hunt evil where it lives, then I don't need to protect anybody.

Speaker 1 I will go mess that evil up wherever it happens to be and hunt it down with extreme prejudice. So which would you be leaning towards? For the first time in my life.
I'm picking protection.

Speaker 1 Exciting! Okay, absolutely.

Speaker 1 A paladin of protection, it's obvious why Gundren would want you along for the ride. Your whole job is to defend others and to defend goods that might be being transported.

Speaker 1 And your biggest special ability is if you're right next to somebody with your shield out, you can dive in the way and block a shot against one of your maybe squishier, softer teammates who have less armor and hit points, and you can deflect an attack coming their way.

Speaker 1 And you can do that pretty much whenever you want. Fantastic.
And here is your paladin character sheet that I'm going to give you. This is a protection paladin.

Speaker 1 I can explain any of the information on there.

Speaker 1 We're not really going to need most of it, but I will just ask first: do you want to be a human, or would you rather be something else weirder than a human?

Speaker 1 There's dwarves, elves, all kinds of races in the world of DD.

Speaker 1 This is built as a human, so you can just go with human, or you could decide you want to be something else that you might be more familiar with. Let's roll with a build.
I'll be a human.

Speaker 1 That'll be the hardest for me to roll play.

Speaker 1 Absolutely, 100%.

Speaker 1 A human paladin of protection is a classic choice, and it's obvious that Gundren wanted you along because he believes that you're the one person who will make sure that nobody else and he kind of glances in the direction of the warlock, Ehrlich, when he says this.

Speaker 1 He says, I just don't want anything to happen to the supplies en route to the village of Fandalin.

Speaker 1 So I believe that you are a mighty protector and you can make sure that nothing bad happens to the supplies and route nothing goes missing as it were

Speaker 1 and they will ask we don't trust that's we don't trust

Speaker 1 him it's obvious that gundren doesn't uh um is nervous about the presence of the warlock certainly but can't argue with his power either

Speaker 1 now tim do you roll around with all this stuff like if if you're just like hitting the town do you bring your dnd material i always try to bring dice wherever i go so wherever you find me i will always have dice just in case because ultimately, it's the only thing you need to play.

Speaker 1 You have like

Speaker 1 a 20 imprint in your back pocket. Absolutely.
Look at that shirt. Got the D20 yin-yang shirt.
This is by far my favorite.

Speaker 1 What's the coolest place that you've ever just like busted out the dice at? Ooh, I bust them out in airports sometimes.

Speaker 1 Like, I'll see some kids or something and making noise, and I'll just be like, yo, you guys can play with these. I'll just like let the parents know what they are and stuff.

Speaker 1 I've definitely gotten some cool DD sessions down in some pretty cool locations.

Speaker 1 I got to run a party for people where they all showed up in DD costumes. And the best costume, the guy who won the costume, was a gelatinous cube, a monster that's made of ooze.

Speaker 1 So he had this frame with all of this like cellophane of green wrapped around him. And at the end of the contest, they slew the gelatinous ooze.

Speaker 1 So they just destroyed his costume with their foam weapons. That's bad.
And conventions are always a place where you see all kinds of cool costumes and stuff.

Speaker 1 People are breaking out dice all the time around there. Do people get freaky at the conventions?

Speaker 1 it is known yeah

Speaker 1 i i will say no more than that i'd like you to d and v8 players are those kinds of nerds

Speaker 1 yeah for sure hell yes

Speaker 1 and in theory we are all getting hired for this big job now or not that big a job it's just to escort some supplies down to the village of fandalen and gundren is letting us know that uh me and my friend sildar and he kind of points at this ranger behind him, a guy with a bow who seems like he's been whittling arrows the whole time we've been eating dinner and drinking.

Speaker 1 And he says, well, me and Sildar, we're actually leaving tonight. We're going to be going down to Fandlin a little bit early because we're in a, well, we're in a hurry right now.

Speaker 1 And he kind of even jumps as he says that. It's obvious Gundran's really excited about something.
And then Sildar interrupts. He says, well, actually.

Speaker 1 Gundrin, we should really get leaving like right now.

Speaker 1 He kind of points at the sun setting in the sky and he he says so if you don't have any questions um you'll each earn 20 gold pieces when you arrive in fandalen with the supplies intact and uh we can talk more about business once we arrive there but gundrin we we should really leave now and i'll just say it's a little surprising it seems like these supplies are going to be ready tomorrow morning for us to set out and travel towards the village of fandalen and yet they're paying us to deliver those supplies tomorrow morning while they leave tonight.

Speaker 1 Yeah, are we being a bad hang right now? Like, I feel like that's on us. It seems like they're in a hurry to leave this otherwise very fun dinner.

Speaker 1 Like, it seems like this was a nice time until they decided they needed to leave quickly. It's also weird that they're not going to guard their own supplies tomorrow morning.

Speaker 1 It seems like they could just wait eight hours and then not have to pay us a hundred gold pieces collectively to deliver some supplies. It sounds like just building supplies and things.

Speaker 1 Should we check on the supplies? Should we look at them? Like, we might be drug mules in this situation. You know how they say, like, in an airport, don't take anybody else's bag for them? Right.

Speaker 1 And just to be clear, we're okay with being drug mules.

Speaker 1 We just need more than a hundred gold coins. Absolutely.
We need a thousand gold coins. And we might just take all the drugs and party at the bar

Speaker 1 and then just not show up the next morning. This is such a good point.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Cut it up.
As a bard, I would even say your first suspicion would be something's in these supplies. We're being set up in some capacity.

Speaker 1 I would invite anybody who wants to to roll an insight check.

Speaker 1 If you see on your sheet under skills the insight skill, then you're particularly good at this and you can roll a d20 plus whatever your insight skill is to see whether Gundren is up to something.

Speaker 1 Okay, I got no insight. I have no insight either.
I have no insight on here. Then the two of you have a plus one at least.

Speaker 1 I rolled a one. A one.
I got nothing for you. You know he wants us as drug mules.

Speaker 1 In fact, you're looking at the food in front of you and you're like, he put the drugs in this, something's in this food.

Speaker 1 And he, like, when we get to the village of Fandalin, he's going to like, rip it out of our bodies or something. You're getting very nervous now, Norm.

Speaker 1 So can I roll an insight? You can roll insight as well. Absolutely.
Insight check. Ooh, 17.
17. And you have a plus one just from your wisdom on this.
So with an 18, you can tell this.

Speaker 1 Gundren knows something that he's not. telling us right now.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you can tell Sildar also knows whatever Gundren knows. Gundren's very excited about it.
Sildar is more nervous. Like, he's looking at Gundren like, yo, shut up, dude.
Stop talking right now. Right.

Speaker 1 But did we ask him about the supplies or anything? Have we mentioned anything about the supplies? We haven't. Hank, just Ehrlich just spilled an entire beer all over his lap.
Tall boy. Party foul.

Speaker 1 And now he's got a single napkin to clean it up. The ones that smell like salt and pepper.

Speaker 1 This will work. All right, wait.
So what was your question? So I think I can, can I talk to

Speaker 1 you? I don't live like this, PFT. What are you talking about? I can't see anything.
Drinking beer all the time? No, well, that and the sunglasses. Like, I just...
I'm built different. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so where are we going? So, yeah, so it's

Speaker 1 Sildar? Sildar is. So the ranger who seems nervous.
Yeah, so can I pull Sildar aside and can I be like, what's the other guy's name? Gundren.

Speaker 1 Can I pull Sildar aside and be like, hey, Gundren already told me what's in there? Like, you know, kind of trick him and be like, I'm already aware of it.

Speaker 1 I'm curious to know how much drugs did you put in it? Absolutely. Go ahead and make a deception check.

Speaker 1 I know you have a very good deception skill. Plus eight.
So go ahead and roll a D20 plus. Okay, I'm going to lie my ass off to this guy.
19. 19.
Let's go. I'm going to get the real stuff.

Speaker 1 With a plus eight, that would be a 26 total. With a 26, Silaro goes,

Speaker 1 what do you... Oh, Gundran.
And he immediately pulls you further aside. In fact, he pulls you almost into like this sort of like storage room.
It's a pantry right next to the kitchen.

Speaker 1 He says, we shouldn't be talking about this here. Come on.
And he pulls you into this pantry area. He says, listen, I don't know what Gundren told you.

Speaker 1 Drugs, I don't know what Gundren's involved in right now. But if Gundren told you about the map, he should not have.
The map, first of all, we don't even know if it's real.

Speaker 1 So it may not be valuable at all. But yes, we're leaving early so that we can get the map to to Gundren's brothers and that you don't need to worry about that.

Speaker 1 Um, the the supplies, I mean, I don't know what he told you about them. The supplies are just it's ale, yes, I just don't want you to drink the ale before we get here.

Speaker 1 There's mining picks and stuff, but we'll be taking the map. You're not gonna have the map in the wagon, so you don't need to worry about it.

Speaker 1 If the map is dangerous, then just we'll be the ones taking on that level of risk, not you. So there's gonna be

Speaker 1 Gildar's brother, and then Gildar's brother has the map. It seems Gundren is going to meet his brother.
Gundren's brother, yeah.

Speaker 1 And they, Gundren and Sildar, have a map that they're leaving early to bring to the brothers. He said it took us a long time to find this map.
We have it now.

Speaker 1 We're not wasting any more time bringing it to the brothers. And that's, we just need you to guard these supplies because we cannot hang out even for another night.
Okay, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 And he just says, so can I count on you to keep this whole business quiet? You know, you said something about drugs, and he forgot about that. He is just focused.
He has spilled all the beans about

Speaker 1 if he knows where to get some drugs, though, just for tonight.

Speaker 1 He says,

Speaker 1 I mean, I do, and he pulls out of one of his bags this pouch. Not for me, by the way.

Speaker 1 I've got some pipe leaf here, if that's what you need. We can break this out.

Speaker 1 And I just, listen, I just ask you, keep it away from Gundren because if he starts blazing this tonight, he's never going to leave. He's just going to hang out.

Speaker 1 And the next thing I know, I'll be the one tying him onto his pony to get him out the city gate. It's going to be a whole mess.
Right. Got it.
Facts. I smelled the weed and I called the guards.

Speaker 1 No, sensory check. If you wish to smell what is in the pouch, this would be a D20 roll for you.
Yeah, I gotta. Is this mid-leaf? 14.

Speaker 1 This is some long bottom leaf right here. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Sticky, icky. OG Kush.
With a persuasion of plus six and 19, I'm going to say you don't know where it's coming from this house, but you are catching a whiff

Speaker 1 of some dank pipe leaf. I don't need it one bit.
Real dank pipe leaf. Straight gas.

Speaker 1 And as a paladin of protection, you certainly like tis tis tisk. Like this is this is

Speaker 1 against the law.

Speaker 1 Wow. What?

Speaker 1 I'm a pussy. The flaws of Neverwinter strictly state that pipe leaf use is regulated, but the law enforcement isn't really cracking down on it that much anymore.
It's not that big a deal.

Speaker 1 Just to throw this out here, I think we should smoke cake out. I think we should make cake get high.
He should sample it.

Speaker 1 Tim, they made me do dip a few months ago. Oh, no.
Oh, gosh. That was bad.

Speaker 1 He does love the long cut, yeah. And I had to take my shirt off at a hockey game and wear fake boobs.
Okay, I suppose that was

Speaker 1 step one, then step two, the

Speaker 1 whole alley of process.

Speaker 1 Let's just get him high real quick. Just take one hit, cake.

Speaker 1 Certainly, we would have the opportunity. Gundren is ready to break out just tobacco pipe leaf.
And if somebody were to do a little switcheroo, it might

Speaker 1 be a while before somebody realized that they were not, in fact, smoking tobacco pipe leaf. Hmm.
All right, let's do it. Absolutely.
So you've got the sticky icky right now. Well, Hank actually does.

Speaker 1 I gave him some before we walked in. Absolutely.
Well, in real life.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 there you go. Absolutely.
I'll say, Wayne, right now, you have just been given some by Sildar.

Speaker 1 The other characters, I'll say of all the other characters, it would be Norm and Ehrlich, who would be the most likely to just be starting play with a little bit of their own pipe weed.

Speaker 1 And you certainly have a large pouch of some that Sildar has just given you, hoping that you won't say more about what you know at this point to Gundren.

Speaker 1 I won't say anything, but I do want him to smoke it. Absolutely.
When you get back, I'm going to say dinner's done. Gundren is packing pipes, wooden pipes for everybody of some of the finest tobacco.

Speaker 1 This has got like cigars in his mind that he is passing around to everybody.

Speaker 1 Do you want to do anything as Cake is about to receive his wooden pipe of tobacco? I'd like to put on some cool music. Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Now, putting, oh, actually, you can literally do what you're saying because you can either break out an instrument to play it or you could create an illusion of your favorite music.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to do a hologram Tupac. Absolutely.
An actual incubus. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You, in fact, create this conjuration with your minor illusion cantrip of the famous musician of Neverwinter, Tupac, who you are, like making it look like he's rising from the afterlife to appear.

Speaker 1 Hell yes. And you you just see one of Gundren's children, who has been like helping set the table and then clear the table, he comes running out and he goes, I knew he was alive.

Speaker 1 And you see that he has failed the saving show and believes it's the real Tupac.

Speaker 1 And he's just playing the best beats, playing the best of kind of.

Speaker 1 It sounds almost like a recording that you are conjuring up. It's like DJs.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 And the pipes are being passed around right now. Currently,

Speaker 1 the pipe that Cake is about to receive only has tobacco in it. Do you want to do something about that? Yeah, lace it.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Now, as the pipes are being passed around, I will let you try to slip some of what you received from Sildar into his pipe, but you'll need to make a sleight of hand check. Sleight of hand check.

Speaker 1 Plus five. You have a plus five on sleight of hand.
Now, Cake, if you're suspicious about anything going on here, you're allowed to make your own perception check to see if you notice anything.

Speaker 1 Either perception or insight, whichever's better for you. But probably perception, I think, is a skill that you ask.
They're both plus three. Plus three, either way.
So you can roll a d20 plus three.

Speaker 1 And actually, yeah, roll that first so we know what you need to beat

Speaker 1 18.

Speaker 1 18, and that's before the plus three. 21.
That's a 21. You're gonna have to.
You see, he's watching these pipes like a hawk. He's gonna call his parents.
He apparently

Speaker 1 come pick me up. You need a 17 or 17 plus, right? Well, I've got a plus five.
Right. Yeah.
17 plus. Good math.

Speaker 1 Oh, 15.

Speaker 1 15 plus 5 is just barely a 20. You only, just barely cake.
Catch, because all you would have needed was one point higher. You catch that something got slipped into your pipe, but you don't know what.

Speaker 1 They did that a few months ago, too. Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, we did that. That's true.
I dosed him. I dosed them shit.
The barbecue festival. Yep.
Fuck. You're going to be pulling a ben mint.

Speaker 1 Now everyone's lighting these like smokestick matches and lighting up their pipes.

Speaker 1 Do you light yours up, Cake, or what do you do? I'm going to give my hits to them.

Speaker 1 Interesting. You start passing yours around.
He's a cop to them.

Speaker 1 I smoke

Speaker 1 you on the basketball. Can we check to see if he's a cop?

Speaker 1 You certainly can make an insight check on Cake. Okay, because he feels like a cop.
Absolutely. Roll a D20 plus one for your insight.
One shit.

Speaker 1 You definitely know. No, I know.

Speaker 1 You know.

Speaker 1 I'm just just going to confirm, Cake, your character is not a member of the City Watch, as it were. Or are you secretly a member of the City Watch? You're not.

Speaker 1 You feel 100% certain he absolutely is, and that's why he's trying to pass his drugs off to us.

Speaker 1 That's totally a normal thing to do. Hand the drugs back.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Or let your friends have more fun with the drugs because they would enjoy it more. That's such a good spin, John.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I'm also going to. Oh, Sildar got a critical hit on this.
When you pass the pipe over and Gundra is like oh let me at it I want to smay

Speaker 1 Get a little hit of your pipe.

Speaker 1 It's the best pipe and as he's going to take a hit Sildar goes ah Gundren actually maybe you should just stick to your own pipe right now and he goes why and Gundren seems very confused why he wouldn't just be able to take hits from your pipe But Sildar knows and Sildar is trying to keep him away.

Speaker 1 I'm just gonna see if he does so successfully.

Speaker 1 He is not successfully keeping Gundren away from the pipe right now. Gundren goes to start taking hits from your pipe.
Do you allow him to to do so? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Gundren just starts talking about how, like, it's weird that fingers are, like, on the end of your hands, right? It's kind of like, they're just always moving by themselves.

Speaker 1 What do they do when we're not controlling them? And Sildar just puts his hand on his forehead. He is getting very frustrated at the moment with Gundren.
Gundren also starts to say, Sildar,

Speaker 1 when we start to take a look at the map. And as soon as he starts to say the word map, Sildar goes,

Speaker 1 Gundren?

Speaker 1 Actually, Gundren, we should we should probably get going right now Shouldn't we shouldn't we I think this has been a great night I think Gundren and I are gonna get going now We're gonna hop on our mounts and we're gonna start heading for the city watch good luck delivering those supplies tomorrow guys and it's obvious he's trying to get Gundren away from us at this point

Speaker 1 So we have the map no doesn't it's with us. We know we know that a map exists correctly, but it's at Gundren's brother's house.
Well, Gundren and Sildar, it seems like are about to go deliver the map.

Speaker 1 Oh, they're delivering us. The rock seekers.
the map with us. The Rock Seekers? They are going to be with us.
The Rock Seekers. We have the Ale, right?

Speaker 1 We have the Ale, and we have mining supplies, is what we're being told.

Speaker 1 When I say we, though, I mean that the map is in our presence with them. Currently.

Speaker 1 That's right. You don't see it.
But we didn't know that until they said that. We now know they have it somewhere.
I think Nick is right. We got to follow them.
They're stoned. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We got to tail them.

Speaker 1 Nick knows how to put a tail on them. Fucking cop.

Speaker 1 Tail them and then maybe wait till they get outside the city limits and then just jump them yeah oh i like that we certainly let's fucking run up on them yeah let's get crazy absolutely

Speaker 1 we see them heading for the stables they couldn't show us the supplies because the supplies weren't ready yet but they assure us it's just ale mining supplies picks shovels that sort of thing some lumber that they could only get from neverwinter woods and they while the wagon is kind of like out back they just hop on their horse and their pony respectively and start heading for the southern gate of the city they've already told us the route that they'll also be taking to get to fandalen which is traveling down the long road and then verging onto a path known as the tribor trail to get to the village of fandalen so we see them leaving for the gate what would we like to do hank i've got an idea Could you send that little invisible lady that sits on your shoulder to like tail them and to like keep us posted about where they go?

Speaker 1 Yeah, your invisible girlfriend. I'm down.
She's totally real.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. If you send Lola after them, then I would just ask for Lola to make a stealth check with advantage because Lola is invisible and they don't suspect anything because they don't see her.

Speaker 1 So you're just going to need to beat a 15, which is the passive perception for Silda.

Speaker 1 We just trust that Lola's real.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, he's been telling about us since high school. I mean, he lives on a different shoulder.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He is drunk. I met her at summer camp.

Speaker 1 I don't know if this is a six or a nine. Oh, the dot will be at the bottom.
Six. Six.
Okay. Luckily, you have advantage, so you can roll a second time and take the higher number.

Speaker 1 And I think I put on your sheet what Lola's stealth is

Speaker 1 ten. Ten.
Okay. So the ten was the better roll.
Can I just ask, did you see under Lola's stats on your sheet,

Speaker 1 does it say what Lola's stealth bonus is? I did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did it? I got to be honest, guys, I'm pretty high right now.

Speaker 1 It's gonna say on the back in real life,

Speaker 1 stealth.

Speaker 1 That was the Aloha Express. Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is it the hello or the goodbye version?

Speaker 1 Yeah, on the second page of your sheet, it has all the stealth. Take off the glasses, Harry.
I can't. I'm telling you, I can't see.

Speaker 1 Take off the glasses.

Speaker 1 Yeah, weak eyes. I'm also maybe a little stoned.

Speaker 1 Cast invisibility, shapeshift into a raven spider rat. Attack 1D D20 plus 5 to hit 1D 4 plus 3 damage.
So it doesn't say anything about her stealth there? Dark ones blething.

Speaker 1 Dark visions don't gave a vlog. No name.
Blunt things? Blething. Is that the stealthy thing?

Speaker 1 I don't have anything about stealth. Okay, apologies.
I thought I put the stealth there. I am looking up her stealth.
She's dropping Bosotros on us left and right. I have such good news for you.

Speaker 1 Her stealth bonus is plus five.

Speaker 1 And the number you needed to get was 15. So with a 10,

Speaker 1 the invisibility saved her.

Speaker 1 As she is following along for a moment Sildar turns around looking directly in her direction as he is riding for the city gate and then just turns to Gundren and says sorry I just thought I heard something and Gundren goes ha ha ha ears are weird and he goes shut up Gundren and just keeps riding for the city gate Lola is easily able to follow them and as they leave the city They're traveling for a good five minutes and we'll have plenty of time to catch up to them but that is when you notice after five minutes that Sildar kind of rides up next to Gundren, reaches into one of his pockets.

Speaker 1 Like first he checks, hey, Gundren, you awake? You awake, buddy? Okay.

Speaker 1 And then he reaches into one of his pockets and pulls out a scroll case, a wooden scroll case, and looking around like he's extra suspicious, even though he doesn't see anybody, he cracks open the scroll case and then just breathes a sigh of relief, like, okay.

Speaker 1 And it's obvious he's happy something is still there.

Speaker 1 And then he closes it again, puts it back into the pocket of Gundren Rock Seeker.

Speaker 1 How are we going to communicate with Lola, guys? I'm happy to say you have a telepathic bond with Lola. So you are automatically just in the Mel Gibson movie?

Speaker 1 What is it?

Speaker 1 What women want? Yeah, that's you. Good job, Hank.
You're always picking up what Lola wants, as it were. And you can tell, in fact, I'll even say this.
Lola is communicating to your mind.

Speaker 1 Gosh, I could just sting him in the neck. I could just sting him in the neck right now, and he probably wouldn't survive it.
I could just take him out right now if you want him to.

Speaker 1 Sounds like Lola's just like real bad in this guy. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 He might

Speaker 1 have to be aware of that. Wait, you know, he smoked weed.
He's got to go.

Speaker 1 Wait, can we sting him and knock him out

Speaker 1 and then kidnap him?

Speaker 1 I would warn you in advance that you know that Lola's poison is not knockout poison. It's lethal poison.

Speaker 1 She stings him. Can we give her like a little shot? Lola sounds kind of little.
Like maybe she's Lolita. Can we call her Lolita?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
Young. She's tiny.

Speaker 1 So I don't know if we do want to kill the guy first. I feel like the whole reason was for us to roll up together, strength and numbers.
Now we're just sending out my imp? Yeah, maybe

Speaker 1 we still roll up on them together. How about your own dirty work? What if we have like one more round at the bar, let them get a head start, they feel safe, then we roll up on them.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Once they're outside the city. Yeah.
I mean, they're right here, though. What if they get jumped by somebody else? That's true.
Then we'll jump them. Double jump.

Speaker 1 Is there a flying spell we can use? Because at this point, we're stoned in real life and in the movie. I don't know if we're going to want to walk

Speaker 1 in the movie. I don't know if we're going to walk all the way.
It's going to be hard to catch up if we take another drink.

Speaker 1 We don't have flying spells that would make us faster than them, but we do have horses that would be available that we could start to ride hard to catch up to them.

Speaker 1 They're riding with speed, but we could ride faster than them if we don't mind putting our horses through the paces. Yeah, let's do it.
All right. Cool.
Let's hop on some horses.

Speaker 1 Let's have a beer and hop on some horses. Absolutely.
You have the last one. Let's stay under.
We have two beers. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And as you get your horses ready, I will just check if anyone in Gundra's family is noticing what's going on here. Nope, nope, nobody's noticing that we seem to be leaving ahead of schedule.

Speaker 1 The supplies are not ready yet to be delivered. They're going to be ready tomorrow morning.
Instead, we're getting the horses that we have ready ahead of schedule. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And we're getting ready to ride for the city gate. Lola is keeping tabs.

Speaker 1 And as they set out on their journey again, she's letting us know, okay, they've gotten this far they're getting a little bit further but we know we're catching up to them faster and faster and we are going to arrive when they are setting up camp for the night so as we ride our horses through the woods we are seeing up ahead that there is a campfire with sildar and a very sleepy gundren sleeping next to this campfire.

Speaker 1 Sildar is of course on watch, very carefully looking around, but because Lola did the the scouting for us, we're like creeping up in some bushes, and from 100 feet away, we see Sildar before he sees us.

Speaker 1 What we like to do. Hmm.

Speaker 1 Like, we just snatch them. Do we kidnap him? Yeah.
I want to just snatch them. Yeah, I wouldn't mind having them with us.
Yeah, right. They know stuff that we don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I want to kill them, but no, let's grab them.
Can we just like beat them real quick and then kidnap them? Let's flip a coin. One of them has to go.
Okay. Yeah, that sounds good.

Speaker 1 Let's, yeah, let's... Do we have a coin? Is there a coin? Absolutely.
We can represent a coin with a dice if you want and say one to three is heads. One to four to six is tails.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Heads is...

Speaker 1 Who has heads? Sildar? Sildar has heads.

Speaker 1 And then Gundran is tails. Yeah, okay.
That makes determine who we are going to kill.

Speaker 1 Who are we going to kill? Looks like it's...

Speaker 1 Gundran was heads. Gundran the dwarf guy is the one who got flipped on the coin.
Sildar is on high alert right now. Obviously, sitting right next to Gundren.

Speaker 1 Keeps looking at his pocket that the map is in. Ooh.

Speaker 1 Wait, who has the map? Gundren. Gundren has the map.
Sildar is sitting right next to you. Yeah, I want Gundren's out.
I don't want to sound like

Speaker 1 psychotic here, but like,

Speaker 1 should we kill Gundren in front of Sildar so he, you know, send a message? Yeah. I'm down for that.
We need that map, though. Wait, but right, which one? He's more like

Speaker 1 which one knows more. That's going to be important, right? Because Gundran took it from Sildar.
Feels like Sildar is the mastermind here. Yeah,

Speaker 1 which is the guy that I talked to in the middle of the day. You talked about it.
Here's the elephant. We don't trust him.
So let's kill Sildar. Hold on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we also don't want to kill Gundran because he's got two brothers. Their asses will be on us.

Speaker 1 Like the Jokices. We don't want that shit.
He's got a family waiting for us. Yeah, let's get Sildar because I don't want to deal with Scorned Brothers.
Okay. Absolutely.
We're currently 100 feet away.

Speaker 1 If anybody wants to try to get closer, for example, some of us are great at range. The Wizard and the Warlock really don't need to be too much closer to launch some of their most powerful spells.

Speaker 1 But our paladin and our barbarian and maybe our bard might want to get closer. I would like to smash his spells.
Let's send a message. I think it'd be cool to just

Speaker 1 have the barbarian just charge into their camp, just like balls. Smash him.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Barbarian, if you want to get close enough to smash him, right now you're 100 feet away. It would take more than one turn for you to get there.
But if you can sneak up on him, roll a stealth check.

Speaker 1 That's going to be a D20 plus two, unless you have the stealth skill. I got a 12.
Okay, a 12 with a plus two.

Speaker 1 That's going to be a 14 total is just enough that he's seeing you as you are getting within range to charge him. So you get within range.
Now I've got a charge.

Speaker 1 He's turning and he goes, oh, what are you? What are you doing here?

Speaker 1 I assume you're not trying to talk to him.

Speaker 1 You're charging him, absolutely. So you're getting ready to charge him.
I'm going to ask us all to roll into initiative then in that case to see what order we are going to go.

Speaker 1 That's going to be a d20 plus our dexterity modifier. In the case of the barbarian, that's a plus two.

Speaker 1 In the case of the bard, that's also a plus two. For the mage, the wizard, that's a plus three.

Speaker 1 And for our warlock, that's also a plus two. So everybody's a plus two, except for the wizard.
You have a plus three on. I think our paladin, he's a plus two.
I think I'm a minus one.

Speaker 1 You have a minus one, paladin. All right.
All right. So you'll be rolling a d20, minus.
I got a 17 plus two, that's 19. 19.
Norm, you will probably be going first with a 19.

Speaker 1 But I want to smash this ass. I got a 12.
12. And with a plus two, that's going to bring you up to 14.

Speaker 1 What are we checking here? This is your initiative. Initiative.
I actually didn't write it on those sheets, just a plus two for you. Okay.
Yeah. So you got an initiative of 14 total.

Speaker 1 And I'll ask our wizard to roll with a plus three.

Speaker 1 Eight plus three.

Speaker 1 Seven. Eleven for cake.
Good to know.

Speaker 1 And then how did Ehrlich do?

Speaker 1 Oh, my god take the glass off

Speaker 1 two plus two is gonna be four

Speaker 1 I need to bring my braille dice yes

Speaker 1 hell yeah

Speaker 1 I know they exist I don't own any of them

Speaker 1 but yeah they're very good how many

Speaker 1 dice do you think you own

Speaker 1 I own very few by D ⁇ D player standards. Some people identify as dice goblins.
They hoard dice uncontrollably. The meme is the shiny math rocks go click, click.
You just can't resist them.

Speaker 1 You gotta have more dice. I try to be reasonable about it because I need to spend money on other things.
Has anyone ever been accused of loaded dice?

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, absolutely. There are some people who show up at conventions with loaded dice sometimes.

Speaker 1 It's very rare, I like to say, because the spirit of the game is sometimes you have good luck, sometimes you have bad luck. But some people don't follow this.
Are there like unwritten rules?

Speaker 1 Like if somebody shows up with loaded dice, do you guys do you jump them? Don't ask an official person. Well, no, first they roll to see how much aggression they have.

Speaker 1 They roll to see whether they hit the person that dropped the loaded dice. Do you have like a favorite dice?

Speaker 1 Yes, I certainly do. Somewhere in my bag, I have a translucent D20 that seems to roll very well.
And I have here big guns.

Speaker 1 Big guns, as you can tell, has been rolled so many times, the numbers have worn off.

Speaker 1 I'll never be able to see those.

Speaker 1 I like to pass big guns off very reverently, like, oh, if it's important, roll big guns. And just as they're rolling, I go, oh, big guns doesn't roll very well, by the way.

Speaker 1 Like, as they're in the process of rolling it. Because usually, I think six is the number one roll I've always seen on big guns.
Okay, nice. And so far, we've got a good initiative order.

Speaker 1 I just saw a 12 from our paladin. That's right.
And as I get ready to write down your identity, I would take this opportunity to ask our paladin, Nick, what is your paladin's name?

Speaker 1 Do you have a name for your paladin? It's Greg with two G's. Greg with two G's.
G-R-E-G.

Speaker 1 As a double letter user, I appreciate that. I'm a big fan.
Greg with two. No, hold on.
The first and the last. Yeah, two G's.
Oh, okay, never mind. The regular amount of joints.
My bad.

Speaker 1 As a Sildar George. Because sometimes you get to like a

Speaker 1 DJ.

Speaker 1 DJ R-E-G is also dreg. Love that.
Absolutely, for sure. Or G-G-R-E-G.

Speaker 1 Now, I do need to roll for Sildar. He has a plus three.
And if he rolls very well, he might even go ahead of Norm, potentially. No, not ahead of Norm.
He did get a 16, however.

Speaker 1 That means that sildar is gonna go right after norm but we're trying to kill him but before all the rest of us okay all right so it's up to me it's all it's kind of up to you right now

Speaker 1 now norm what weapon are you drawing do you typically use a great sword but i give you a choice in this new adventure do you wield a great sword or a great axe uh let's go axe yeah absolutely i want an axe you use a great axe now and that means i actually have to give you a dice i feel like an axe is way better at sending a message yeah i want to split him like a fucking piece of wood yeah vertically Absolutely.

Speaker 1 So as you get ready to roll your great axe attack, it will be the same as your greatsword attack, a d20 plus six, I think you have

Speaker 1 20!

Speaker 1 Oh, man. No way.
Is that a natural 20? A natural 20 on your first

Speaker 1 attack for our new adventure. That is going to be huge.

Speaker 1 Because a great axe normally deals, I believe, you have a bonus of plus three after your attacks. Is that right?

Speaker 1 It says 2d6 plus something. Plus Plus 6 to hit.
2d6 plus 6

Speaker 1 damage. When you are raging, you add a plus 6 to your damage.
And instead of 2d6, you would be rolling normally for a great axe 1d12. So it's going to be a number between 1 and 12.

Speaker 1 But 20 didn't even count. Well, hold on because you got a 20.
I'm not going to pass you 1d12. I'm passing you 2d12 because on a critical hit, you deal 2d12 plus 6 damage.

Speaker 1 I'm going to tell you right now, Sildar is not a pushover. He has 27 hit points, but depending on what you roll here, you're the one person who might be able to one-shot kill Sildar.

Speaker 1 I've been telling everyone how tough I am. You got that dog in you?

Speaker 1 Wait, so I'm trying to, I'm rolling one, and I get plus what? You get those two D12s added together plus six on top. I'm going to roll them one by one.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 typically re-roll if it falls on the floor. Yep.
Unless it was good.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. We know.
No. That's a seven.
Seven. Okay.

Speaker 1 I thought that was a one. Seven so far.
Okay.

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Speaker 1 That's a one. That's a one, bummer.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So it's a critical, but just barely, like you got him in the neck, but it's a shallow cut, and mostly goes along his shoulder. But plus six, that's still 14 points of damage.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And with a single attack, you have bloodied Sildar. He is halfway dead exactly with 14 points of damage.

Speaker 1 And everyone's like, you're kind of a pussy because you said you were awesome with that axe and it didn't do anything. Wait room.
Now here's the

Speaker 1 here's the good news. You activated your rage as a bonus action.
So you can't use your bonus action to do your frenzy attack. But we're playing as level five characters right now.

Speaker 1 And as level five, one of the abilities that you got was on in action. You don't attack once with your axe anymore.
You attack twice with your axe.

Speaker 1 So you charge at him with your move, use your bonus to rage, and now your action is going to be these two attacks. Here's your second attack.
Got a hit. 10.
10 plus 6 for your attack.

Speaker 1 Oh, and I never had asked, are you attacking recklessly? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
So it didn't matter on the first one because you crit on the first attack, but you are attacking recklessly.

Speaker 1 So roll a second time.

Speaker 1 10 again. 10 again! Okay, this motherfucker's 10.
So it is a 16. A 16 total with a plus 6 with your attack is just barely a hit against Silgar.
That is his armor class exactly.

Speaker 1 So it's not a critical hit. You are just barely hitting him for 1 D12 plus 6 damage.
He's got 13 health left. You could finish him off with this.
So am I rolling both die again?

Speaker 1 Not both die, unfortunately. Just 1 D12 plus 6.

Speaker 1 How much does he have? Get him more. He's got 13 left.
Get him.

Speaker 1 Because you bloodied him with 14. 10 again.
Oh, 10 again. Let's go.
Plus 6 is going to be 16 damage against him. Sildar is either slain or knocked out, whichever you choose.

Speaker 1 How do you want to deal damage to Sildar?

Speaker 1 I want his body to slide off like Kill Bill. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He thinks he's knocked out, but he's dead. Absolutely.
What does it look like as you kill Sildar? Okay, so I literally slit him in half. In half.

Speaker 1 So and then half of his body, the right side, he's like, I'm good, I'm fine. And then he just slowly falls like a tree.
Absolutely. Blood everywhere.
Blood everywhere.

Speaker 1 The first attack, it kind of cut along his neck down into his shoulder, and then the camera cuts to just half of him. And he's like, I'm, I'm, yeah.

Speaker 1 And his mouth starts spluttering, and then we pan out and see the other half is just slumped away.

Speaker 1 He falls over like a tree. And I eat his heart.
And you reach him with the last part of your turn. You tear at his heart.
And you lean into him. And he craps himself before he dies.

Speaker 1 He craps himself as everyone does before he dies. And Jake tried to eat his butt.
Yeah, he did. Absolutely.
I am going to say then that I'm going to roll to see if that woke Gundren up. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 I hope so. But I'm going to roll with disadvantage because of how high Gundren is right now.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He got a 19 at first, starts to roll, and his eyes open, and then they are bloodshot red as he rolls over and says, Quiet, mom, I'm tired right now.

Speaker 1 And he rolls over and goes right back to sleep, only vaguely aware of what just happened here. Well done.
That would just so we see what order things happen next in, Wayne.

Speaker 1 That would be your turn next. Gundren is lying completely helpless, and Sildar has been slain by Norm.
Just an idea here because Norm did such a great job filleting Sildar.

Speaker 1 What if I just put on Sildar's skin

Speaker 1 and pretended I was Sildar so like Gundren thinks that his brother's still with him? Two-piece. So he's safer.
He thinks that he's safer. Okay, the skill to disguise yourself is deception.

Speaker 1 So I would allow you to make an attempt. I normally would give advantage for like putting on somebody's clothes or something, but if you're trying to put his skin on.

Speaker 1 You're going to go his entire body. I'm going to say you don't have advantage.
But if this does work, it's going to work really well. Okay.

Speaker 1 But you don't have advantage because this is so hard to pull pull his skin on uh go ahead and roll 1d20 plus eight plus eight and for this to even work slightly i really want you to get at least a 20 or higher jesus all right here we go come on

Speaker 1 well what's it two it's a two

Speaker 1 week you're at least trying to put a skin on yeah you you absolutely are trying to do it whether whether you want you know whatever you do next is up to you but you turn to your friends and go how's this look and it's obvious that, first of all, you're a dwarf, so you are putting on this elven man, or a half elf, you think he was, Sildar.

Speaker 1 You're putting on his skin, and it's like a blanket on you, kind of.

Speaker 1 And it's obvious that right in the middle where you kind of run a thread, sort of, your face is still visible with on either side of your face, the halves of Sildar's face. You don't look like Sildar.

Speaker 1 You look like a night. nightmare right now.

Speaker 1 We say looks good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, dude, no, no, that's a cool haircut.
Yeah, you look handsome. You look great.
You look great. Nice part right down the middle.
Boys gassing each other up. I love that.

Speaker 1 Now, I will say, if you were to talk to anybody like you are currently, you'd have advantage on Intimidate, but you would not be getting advantage on Deception to trick Gundren.

Speaker 1 I think I'll keep this. I kind of like how I look

Speaker 1 at a skin suit. Absolutely.
Are you also pulling his clothes on, like his cloak and everything? And everything? I'm like fully nude with his skin. Okay, yeah, absolutely.
100%.

Speaker 1 And you also notice, ooh, you notice Gundren, or sorry, Sildar left something behind. He has a bow that without any check necessary, you can see magic runes on this bow.
Otherwise, he had food.

Speaker 1 He obviously had some drugs and some belt pouches and some other things that he was bringing in his backpack. But it's obvious one interesting item he had is a magic bow.

Speaker 1 Gundren is still asleep, but you've spent your whole turn putting on Sildar's skin, I'm going to say right now. That is going to bring us to Greg's turn next.
Greg, what would you like to do?

Speaker 1 I want to tie up Gundren. Absolutely.
Tie him up tight.

Speaker 1 But not like,

Speaker 1 I want to go arm to foot and arm to foot. Absolutely.
Arm to foot, 100%.

Speaker 1 I would like to see a. This would be sleight of hand.
So unfortunately, you know what? I'd allow you to use strength on this instead of dexterity.

Speaker 1 So you can use your D20 plus your strength modifier, which I think is a plus three for you. Plus three.
Absolutely strong.

Speaker 1 Oh, you just roll that one instead. Sorry.

Speaker 1 Okay, you know that if that's a six, so with a plus three, you got a nine total. If Gundren were to wake up at this point, which I'm going to roll to see if he does.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 He is waking up at this point. And as he wakes up, he immediately tries to break free.

Speaker 1 And if he gets a nine or higher on this, and he has a plus one, he is going to manage to start breaking free before you can fully tie him up.

Speaker 1 He had a plus one on this. And with a nine, it takes his whole turn.
But he goes, what are you doing? What are you doing? Oh!

Speaker 1 And he just barely, before you pull the knot tight, boom, pulls the knot free and starts to stand up. But that's the end of Gundren's turn.
And you didn't take anything out of his pocket.

Speaker 1 So we look and we see the pocket that seems to have a bulky shape of a scroll case. He's still got it.

Speaker 1 He wants to run for his donkey, his um uh a pony right now that is saddled up right next to their camp he's gonna gonna run for it on his next turn if he gets his next turn but cake would be up

Speaker 1 next stop him stop him i want to kill him absolutely

Speaker 1 i kind of want to torture him oh okay you want to slow death yeah yeah that's what the team wants absolutely

Speaker 1 find out what he knows

Speaker 1 in fact cake just before your turn i would say you only used your action on this path well actually um yeah no you would have moved over to him and then gone to tie him up.

Speaker 1 So that would have been your whole turn. You don't have time to grab him and hold him in place.

Speaker 1 He's running for his pony, but cake, you would certainly be able to do whatever you want, including using a spell if there's a particular spell.

Speaker 1 Generally speaking, your spells are always better than whatever weapons you have available.

Speaker 1 And I know at least one spell that begins with a W that I think could be very helpful for trapping somebody in place. Web would be a hilarious

Speaker 1 spider-man

Speaker 1 to the ground.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. You can spider-man this guy right to the ground with a web if that's what you want to do, unless you think there is another spell that might be.

Speaker 1 He has the powers of Spider-Man and you convince me to be a paladin.

Speaker 1 Wizards have a lot of different powers in theory.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, Nick, our characters suck. All we can do is range.

Speaker 1 Fighters and the Paddy. Barbarians and Paladins are very straightforward in what they do.
Wizards in theory have a lot of options to keep track.

Speaker 1 And very often a wizard will be like, oh, I had the perfect spell. I forgot I did because I have a hundred of these.

Speaker 1 But web would pin him in place, but no damage. So you just let me know if you want to use web.
I can't believe it. I'm doing the alley.
Someone else

Speaker 1 slam it down. If he gets stuck in place, then not only will he not be able to move on his next turn, then everybody else will have advantage on their attacks against him.

Speaker 1 So if you launch a web, you don't need to roll anything. Instead, I need to roll a saving throw for him.
He's trying to dodge out of the way. He has a plus one on this.
He got a five total.

Speaker 1 That is not nearly enough. He turns and just looks right into the face of this this web that splatters him and nails him to a tree.
He is stuck to a nearby tree.

Speaker 1 And I'm also going to say this, it's such a big area, you could have gotten his pony as well. So just in case he breaks free, his pony is like, what the F?

Speaker 1 And like completely stuck by its hooves to the ground right now.

Speaker 1 And so that's extra helpful. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 There's a horse that's free, but like that was Sildar's. horse.
No one's using that horse now. So well done, Cake.
That'll bring us next to Ehrlich's turn.

Speaker 1 Ehrlich, Ehrlich I'll also point out you're maybe the most intimidating in the group. You have the intimidation skill and so historically you

Speaker 1 sharpened your knives and stuff. People get real scared about what you're going to do to them.
So maybe like what? Like take off an ear or something? Cut his dick off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, make him reek.

Speaker 1 Like I don't want to

Speaker 1 do the torch. Like I don't want to finish the job.
I just want to like intimidate him.

Speaker 1 Cut off an ear, cut off a dick, maybe both.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. You would be able to use your action to cut something off, and then you're

Speaker 1 a move for bonus to talk to him. What does he say where his ear is? He's got a dick ear.

Speaker 1 I can do that, right? I got spells. Ah, you got spells to do that.
Sure, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say that because it's such a horrific grisly form of torture, your patron momentarily grants you the magic necessary to graft a body part onto a wound

Speaker 1 to someone that you're torturing. So I'm going to ask, what are you going to cut off?

Speaker 1 His ear and his penis. Ear and penis.
And you're going to swap them. Okay.
So go ahead and first roll an attack roll with your short sword to make sure that you do this effectively.

Speaker 1 And you have advantage on this because he's stuck in place. It would be an attack roll with your short sword.

Speaker 1 So if you look at the top of your sheet under actions, I think you have a short sword as one of your weapons. Is that right? He's definitely going to hurt himself with

Speaker 1 a real life horse. This is your favorite ceremonial knife, basically.
It's like a long ceremonial knife, just like that one. You can go ahead and, I think it says plus six for attack.
Is that right?

Speaker 1 Or plus five for attack?

Speaker 1 Right. Plus five.
Plus five for the attack. So go ahead and roll a d20 plus five and you get to roll two times.

Speaker 1 I just want to say in real life, Hank's not that great at swinging clubs at balls. So this might be tough for him.
Better than you. 16.
16. So far, so good.

Speaker 1 Just roll a second time because you get to take the higher of the two results.

Speaker 1 Two. Two.
Okay, so we'll take the 16, and that's before you added the plus six. Is that right? Plus five, yep.

Speaker 1 or the plus five absolutely with a 20 or higher a 21 is enough that you get both the ear and the dick and so you are taking both you immediately flip their places and suddenly to his heart he's going what are you doing with no ah oh god no what are you what are you doing now

Speaker 1 and that's the sound he makes is suddenly these new body parts graft on horribly like frankenstein to their new locations and you are finding that the blood has drained from Gundren's face.

Speaker 1 He is beginning to openly weep and you can intimidate him now into talking more and you would have not one advantage. So that would be two dice.
I'm gonna let you roll three times on intimidation.

Speaker 1 Finger is ear pussy. Finger is your pussy.
Finger is your pussy.

Speaker 1 It's penis. Well, no, it's penis on his ear.
It's an ear muff. It's an ear.

Speaker 1 He's got an

Speaker 1 ear on his, where his penis was. Right.
He's got an ear pussy. Oh, gotcha.
Okay, yeah, I was thinking about the other one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 11. 11 so far is great.
Keep rolling two more times. We'll take the highest of the three rolls.
Six. Six.
Okay. So 11's the best right now.
Come on, Erlic.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Eight.
Eight. So we'll take the 11, but what's your intimidation skill bonus? I'm pretty sure you're good at that.
Plus six. Plus six.
I just realized we're doing all this to these guys.

Speaker 1 We have no plan.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. No, you have no plan.
We're going to take the map. Yeah, we're going to take

Speaker 1 we gotta find out what

Speaker 1 we gotta find out what the map is for they were both asleep yeah they were just minding their own business we just wreaked havoc he definitely still thinks he's just high

Speaker 1 really good stuff

Speaker 1 no more or less of a plan than any other d d group i've worked with this is totally fine so uh yeah but with an 11 on your best roll with a plus six that's a 17 he's saying but i'll do anything i'll do what do you want to know i'll tell you anything is it is it about the map The map.

Speaker 1 Take the map. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Just take it and give me back my body parts.
He's under the impression that you can fix him.

Speaker 1 And I'll just say right now, your patron is whispering in your mind, haha. Oh, no, those aren't going back where they came from.
No, no, no, no, no. They're staying there.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 We should tell him that we're going to fix it. Yeah.
Just if you do this one last mission for us.

Speaker 1 But I feel like... We should find out what the deal with the map is, right? Like, talk to him about the map.
He gestures to his waist where the pocket is that you know that has the map.

Speaker 1 So he's already telling you the location on his person to grab the map. He says, It's the other pocket, the one you didn't go into.
And he gestures to his left.

Speaker 1 So you could take the map right now and he's going to answer. It sounds like whatever questions you have or do anything.
He also says, My money? Do you want my money? It's in the right-hand pouch.

Speaker 1 And he gestures to his other belt pouch. So you could take his money too right now.

Speaker 1 Definitely take the money. Absolutely.
You open up the belt pouch. There's 140 gold pieces inside that belt pouch right now.
And so... So we already made more than we were going to just

Speaker 1 make more than we were going to make. He's holding out on us.

Speaker 1 And you can tell that you grab the map from his other pocket. You have this wooden scroll case.
And do you open it up to take a look at what's inside? Yeah. There's nothing.
No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1 There is the map inside. Tricky.
And it is an old, worn map. It looks like it must be maybe

Speaker 1 over 100 years old.

Speaker 1 And we put together that Sildar mentioned that they had found this map recently, like they had been looking for it, and it took a while to find.

Speaker 1 Like, maybe because it's such an old map, they had to dig it up from somewhere in particular.

Speaker 1 But it depicts a region that I'm going to let you make a history check on to see what you know is going on on this map already. And then it sounds like Gundren is willing to spill more info.

Speaker 1 7 plus 5. Okay, with a 7 plus 5, all we know for sure with the 12 is that this depicts the region around the village of Fandalen.
And around Fandalan, they're marking down all the normal stuff.

Speaker 1 In fact, you can tell there's a few mines, old mines that are marked around here. And then one is marked with a special X, and it is labeled Wave Echo Cave.

Speaker 1 When you read that, make another separate arcana check to see what you know about Wave Wave Echo Cave.

Speaker 1 You've never heard of it from historical documents or anything, but see if there's anything about magic that you would know about the region.

Speaker 1 Nine. Nine? And what's your Arcana skill bonus? Plus five.
Plus five. A 14 is so close.
You only know a rumor

Speaker 1 about

Speaker 1 something that exists in this area. You heard once upon a time, hundreds of years ago,

Speaker 1 maybe around 200 years ago, there used to be a very special mine that wizards used to make magic items long ago.

Speaker 1 It was a rumor of something called the Spell Forge, where people were able to make magic items.

Speaker 1 You heard it was a legend, you're not even sure if it was real, but you see this X on the map and you're like, well, there's nothing interesting near the village of Fandlin except those old rumors about the spell forge.

Speaker 1 You don't know much about it, unfortunately. Let's find out what he knows.

Speaker 1 What is this X for?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's

Speaker 1 it was for my brothers. It's our birthright.

Speaker 1 We are descendants of the dwarves who once lived in Fandalen before the orc horde moved through the area and destroyed the village.

Speaker 1 We're helping to rebuild the village and that means getting all of the mines up and running again. But there was one mine whose location was lost.

Speaker 1 And rumor has it that it was Wave Echo Cave that had within it the magical ore for the wizards of Neverwinter to use to build magic items.

Speaker 1 They were helped by my dwarven ancestors to dig up the ore, but it was the wizards there who could take the ore and make any magic item that you want. Magic items are hard to make in this world.

Speaker 1 A place that was like a magic item factory that would be worth not hundreds, but thousands, if not tens of thousands, of gold pieces. And it's obvious why Gundren wanted this to be kept a secret.

Speaker 1 He wanted all the money for himself, and he didn't care about the supplies we would be delivering.

Speaker 1 His important detail was getting this map to his brothers so that they could go on a quest to find this wave echo cave.

Speaker 1 that's what he was hoping to do now he's got a dick here now he's got a dick here instead love it

Speaker 1 and gundron is weeping now not only about his dick here but because he has confessed to you the secret will mention just his family should we do should we do we just did the bad cop should we bring a good cop in now to try and get more information out of him

Speaker 1 Or should I just keep going in?

Speaker 1 I think we should fucking find his brothers and kill them before they kill us.

Speaker 1 Go back for them? No, they're somewhere else. They're up ahead at the village of of Fandalen.

Speaker 1 If we were to follow this map, we'd be passing through the village of Fandalen to get to it, and we could do whatever we want as we pass through the village.

Speaker 1 I think we go finish off the entire bloodline or turn their ears into vaginas and then have them just head fucking again.

Speaker 1 Like in coneheads.

Speaker 1 Always got to end the bloodline. It's always important to end the bloodline.
These guys are coming back for us. You don't want to remember

Speaker 1 rock seekers, they know vengeance. Dwarves are historically not very friendly to people who have killed their brothers, and they are very

Speaker 1 okay. So, here's what we do.
Yeah, we didn't kill his brothers.

Speaker 1 We should kill him. We should take his penis and bring it with us to Fandalan and go to his brothers and be like,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 look what we got, your brother's dick, and then we kill him. Let's cut off the head so they see the dick is detached.
Oh, yeah, good call. Good call.

Speaker 1 I would be prepared to say they may not recognize that body part. Oh, they're brothers.
They're brothers, so hey,

Speaker 1 much more recognizable. They used to take part in the brain.
I could name everyone's cock in here.

Speaker 1 No problem.

Speaker 1 Looks just like me.

Speaker 1 It's little Nikki.

Speaker 1 Sorry, Greg. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, so are we killing him? And then going to find his brothers? Yeah. All right, let's do it.
And then we just go. We'll let Jake do that.

Speaker 1 And then we follow the map to wherever it's going, right? Yeah, that's what we're going to do.

Speaker 1 You certainly could. All right, let's go.
I will ask, who's dealing the killing blow to Bundran? Absolutely. Jake,

Speaker 1 Kate, how do you want to do the killing blow?

Speaker 1 In theory, we're going to have days to rest, so whatever spells you spend now, you're going to regain before we reach Fandalin. So you could use your biggest fireball.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. You could behead him.
Do you want to use a spell or your sword to do that? Make him eat his horse first. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You make him eat his pony. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, let's not kill the pony.

Speaker 1 What if you shot?

Speaker 1 Okay, okay. What if you shot your

Speaker 1 horse?

Speaker 1 What if you shot your load, your web load down his throat and he choked on it? You could choke. Yeah.
You could suffocate him with a web spell.

Speaker 1 This will be a new use of web spell that I have not experienced yet. But we need his head to come off, too.
Yeah, that would be too much.

Speaker 1 Strangle his head with the web spell, and then just, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. Okay.
Interesting. I will let you use a modified version of the web spell, wrap up his neck, and then yank

Speaker 1 to tear his head off. Absolutely.
You have never seen Spider-Man do that. I don't know if I'm capable of that.
I'm going to allow it on this.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say that you wrap it around and you give it one. You know what? Roll a D20 with your minus one for strength to see if you can yoink the head off with the help of the web.

Speaker 1 Nine. Nine with a minus one, so that's eight.
All I was looking for was a six or higher. So it's grisly.
It requires a few. To prove my loyalty.
Yeah, no, this is true.

Speaker 1 This is like making Donny Brasco kill someone. Like, we got to see you do a crime.
You're not a cop.

Speaker 1 In that case, I must emphasize the first time his head doesn't come off, it's just like, oh, and he's choking. It's like game of third.

Speaker 1 And then the second time you tug and his neck breaks, but he's still alive and watching you. And you're going,

Speaker 1 but the webs are covering his mouth, luckily. And then the third tug, his head starts to come off.
The fourth tug is what brings his head off. It is grisly.

Speaker 1 But you are able to get this. And you're now, you have something to carry it by.
These webs are like forming a bag handle for you to carry this head around.

Speaker 1 Before he dies, he pisses out of his ear. Yeah, absolutely.
He does. Onto his own face.
He relieves himself out of his own ear and in fear and horror as to his grisly death. But now you have his head.

Speaker 1 We mutilated this fuck. You have his map? You got the map, though.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Should have told us about the fucking map. Yeah,

Speaker 1 she just let us have the map, dude. Absolutely.
He should have known. And that means that we have everything we need.
We've got the map. We've got the head.
We can continue on to the village.

Speaker 1 Let's ride his pony, too, just really. You take his pony.
Yeah, we'll take his pony. Absolutely.
We don't have any supplies we're delivering. We're riding our own

Speaker 1 horses, but we now have an extra pony to carry our supplies. Beautiful.
And we have another horse there that Sildar would have ridden.

Speaker 1 So we have two horses, a horse and a pony to carry our supplies now. And he's got a guide.

Speaker 1 That's the horse's name.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Can I write that down? Leather Cheerio? Leather Chierio.
Do you have any more of the Aloha? Yeah, Hank has it.

Speaker 1 You actually have so much of the Aloha now because you took Sildar's Aloha with you. Nice go.
All right, well, hey, now we celebrate for a fresh kill. Let's go.

Speaker 1 I wanted to say also, because you had rolled so well, Sildar actually doesn't just have the aloha in that pouch. You get some edibles as well.

Speaker 1 There's like little biscuits inside there that you like sniff and you're like, ooh, those are strong. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 And you are going to be proceeding on to the village of Fandalin to do whatever you want there before being able to go to Wave Echo Cave.

Speaker 1 But in theory, as we travel the first day down the long road to reach Tribor Trail, nothing happens. We camp for the night.

Speaker 1 And then on the second day of our journey, we veer off onto the Tribor Trail and Neverwinter Woods, where the barbarian Norm spends a lot of his time

Speaker 1 to the north of us right now. And as the trail goes on, more and more we're veering into the southern reaches of the woods.
And again, we camp for the night and nothing happens.

Speaker 1 We should have one more day of journeying before we reach it fandalin. But as we arrive about the midway of that journey on the third day, we We are seeing up ahead a tree has fallen into our path.

Speaker 1 There is a tree blocking the way right now, and we are riding along. We don't have supplies we're delivering, so we're moving full speed.
And it is obvious that this tree,

Speaker 1 who has really good perception here? I know Cake has good perception here.

Speaker 1 With a plus three, your passive perception of 13 is just enough to tell this tree is a dead tree, but it didn't just fall over onto the road. It had fallen over and then been dragged onto the road.

Speaker 1 We're getting ambushed. They know.

Speaker 1 And I would like to know what people would like to do. I could move it.

Speaker 1 You want me to move the tree? You could move it, but you're strong enough to move it.

Speaker 1 I know I am. I feel like they're trying to get us close to the tree so they can attack us.
They can go around the tree. They can't slow us down.

Speaker 1 What could we do to prevent this? We could maybe offer somebody up as a sacrifice, like as a decoy, to draw their fire. Send the pony in.
Or Lola. Send Lola in.
Well, Lola's invisible.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but let's make her visible.

Speaker 1 If you're to make her visible, how would they know? Why would they be suspicious of us? Let's send Lola in. We're about to get ambushed.
It's clear somebody blocked the road so they could attack us.

Speaker 1 Correct.

Speaker 1 How about Ehrlich and Lola going? Clearly, Sildar and Gundren are not the ones who set this ambush because we caught them by surprise. All right, so Lola.

Speaker 1 Lola, somebody that's trying to kill Sildar and Gundren, probably. That's almost like so they might not be looking for it.
Yeah, we might be cool. Yeah.
Okay, so you want me to just move it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, yeah. See, Norm, as you rush.

Speaker 1 We got spells and shit. We can talk our way out of it.
Yeah, all right. I would like to roll an athletics check.

Speaker 1 They're looking for people. Plus seven.

Speaker 1 Five plus seven. Five plus seven is just enough with a 12.
You start to pull the

Speaker 1 big trunk and branches of this tree to the side just as you're putting the most effort into it to roll it out of the way. Suddenly, arrows begin flying out of the trees towards you, Norma.

Speaker 1 You shouldn't listen to Hank with advantage because we did not

Speaker 1 know how many these were in the trees. Damn it.
The first attack against you is going to be a total of a 22. That definitely isn't going to be a trend.
Thank you, Hank. I'll remember this.

Speaker 1 The second arrow is only going to be a 13. Can I ask, is your armor class written.
No, I don't think it is, but a 13 I know is not enough to hit your armor class. And then the next attack would be...

Speaker 1 How many attacks are there? There are three attacks coming your way right now.

Speaker 1 Is going to be a 15. That is just barely a hit against you.
So as the first arrow hits you, it is going to be dealing five points of damage.

Speaker 1 The second arrow is going to be dealing a total of eight points of damage to you. That's 13 damage against you.

Speaker 1 But I'm happy to say you're not even bloodied yet. You have so many hit points.
If you look at the top of your sheet, you have like 55 hit points. 13 damage is not a problem for you.

Speaker 1 So I'm 13 right now. Absolutely.
You took took 13 points of damage.

Speaker 1 And if you start raging as soon as you can on your turn, then you'll start taking half damage from any further arrows that come your way. So I'm going to ask us all to roll into initiative again.

Speaker 1 Again, it's plus two for everybody, except for the wizard, who has a plus three, and the paladin, who has a minus one.

Speaker 1 But if you put yourselves back into initiative, we will see if we can deal with these archers. I'm a nine.
Nine. Six.
For Wayne.

Speaker 1 And is that a six before your plus two? That's a six before my plus 2. Alright, so you have an 8 total, Norm.

Speaker 1 I'm a 12 plus 2. 12 plus 2, so that's a 14 for Ehrlich.
And Wayne, was yours a 9 before or after the plus 2? 9. It was straight up a 9.
Straight up a 9, so you actually got 11 total.

Speaker 1 He's a 9, but he's a dwarf. Absolutely.
So you got a plus 2 from your dexterity. And Ehrlich, I got you in as a 14.

Speaker 1 And Cake, how did you do on your roll?

Speaker 1 6 plus 3. 6 plus 3, so a nine.
Ooh, we're kind of clustered in the middle here. Okay.

Speaker 1 And then Ehrlich got you. So

Speaker 1 our paladin, Greg, how did you do? I rolled a 20. 20!

Speaker 1 Nice job, Greg. It will be a minus 1, but still a 19 is huge.
For Greg, you're going to be able to leap right into action.

Speaker 1 And I am going to roll for these figures in the trees that we are getting a glimpse at. It looks like

Speaker 1 there are some goblins in the trees watching us. They have skull caps on, they have green mottled skin, and they are getting ready to riddle us with arrows again.

Speaker 1 But their turn, luckily for us, is last in initiative. They're going after Norm, just barely after Norm.
So, Greg, you actually get to go first right now.

Speaker 1 Your biggest problem at the moment is, unfortunately, these goblins are up in the trees. So, to get to them, you would need to climb up to them first or used ranged weapons against them.

Speaker 1 And your weapons are kind of in the top right here. So, you do have some ranged ranged options.
Your javelins you could throw at range distance right now.

Speaker 1 Or you could try to climb up to use your more effective melee weapons in theory. When do my flaws come into play? Your flaws are yours to decide.

Speaker 1 There are some advised flaws here and personality traits, but you get to decide whether those are true or not. Those are just recommended choices.
I have an insatiable desire for carnal pleasures.

Speaker 1 This is a fact about the human paladin that he wrestles with this carnal pleasure, apparently. Fuck, I'm so afraid of death.
I need to get one more lay-in. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going to try to fuck cake.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 absolutely. You are feeling overcome by your carnal desire.
I'm going to ask, when you say you are trying to fuck cake, do you mean you are just trying to

Speaker 1 approach him right now and do this, or are you trying to convince him? This is a good idea. Convince him.
I'm trying to get consent for fucking.

Speaker 1 I would like to know, number one, what you're saying, but number two, what your persuasion skill is. Oh, wow.
You're very persuasive. You have a plus six on us.

Speaker 1 You're a handsome man.

Speaker 1 I turn into a cartoon wolf and my tongue rolls out of my mouth. Absolutely.
I will use like the tuna can lid to get it back in. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 You're kind of seeing like ahead of you, Cake is getting spells at the ready. Yeah, he is.
He looks hot. His ass is jiggling in that robe.
He knows what he's doing.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 What are you going to say to Cake? Combat has just broken out. And you're fucking.

Speaker 1 I'm going going to bite my bottom lip and just say, wow.

Speaker 1 That's actually very good. That's all you say.
100%. Make a persuasion check.

Speaker 1 Seven. That was a one.
With a plus six, that is not as bad as it could have been. A one would have been very good right now, honestly.

Speaker 1 But a 13, I'm going to say with a 13, I will not force Cake to make a wisdom saving throw. It's not seductive enough that he is in that position.

Speaker 1 But Cake, I will ask you, how are you responding to this sort of advance? Maybe just he wants to have sex with me.

Speaker 1 It's clear what he is doing is biting his bottom lip and just saying wow, and it's enough that you can tell it's directed at you.

Speaker 1 It was provocative enough, you looked back and you saw the look on his face. Let him give you a head.
Don't be a prude.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 I can't lie about what's going on. Something's going on downstairs.
So.

Speaker 1 That's the truth episode. Now I will ask, ask,

Speaker 1 if that is the case, are you trying to hide this and play hard to get?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I have the balls to do that, so I'm just going to straight up tell him. It's awesome.

Speaker 1 It's true. Charisma is not your strong suit, and so it would be hard for you to hide the feelings that you're having right now.
I like telling the truth straight up. Absolutely.
What do you tell him?

Speaker 1 I tell him, let's do it. Absolutely.
100%.

Speaker 1 I'm going to roll for the goblins real quick. And the goblins are like, what the fuck is going on now? They immediately understand there's some arousal going on here and they are like

Speaker 1 and they're so thrown off their game immediately you you hear uh i think someone here does speak goblin i think it would be the barbarian you can tell that the goblins are saying wait do we we still we still fight them and the other goblins are like yeah yes i don't know what they're doing right now uh and the goblins are like getting disadvantaged on any attack rolls they do because they are so thrown off their game of like

Speaker 1 i think we're attacking the wrong group these guys are just in love like so yeah

Speaker 1 uh and i'm gonna say that only has eaten up your bonus action so far right now paladin so you've eaten up your at least your bonus action was there anything else you wanted to do on your turn right now I would like to lay my hands on Big Cat to heal him.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. You can rush up to Big Cat, who is about 30 feet ahead of you.
So you use your move to rush up to Norm the Barbarian, and you can use your lay on hands ability.

Speaker 1 Now, I have to ask, since I don't think you have time to explain what you're doing, Norm the Barbarian, after what you just witnessed with your passive design.

Speaker 1 You see, you let me know how you're responding to this. All you see is the paladin turn, maybe with his lips still like biting a little bit, and he rushes towards you with his hands out and glowing.

Speaker 1 How do you respond to this? I take my pants off. Absolutely.
You immediately start taking your pants off.

Speaker 1 Then, with glowing hands, I will ask

Speaker 1 Greg, what do you do?

Speaker 1 You're about to do a lay on hands. Where do you wish to touch Norm the Barnett? Pinky on each of his balls.
Pinky on each of each of his balls. You just go.
He's charging a car.

Speaker 1 They're just glowing with sparking, radiant life energy, and you feel the biggest surge that you've ever felt through your testes.

Speaker 1 And immediately your wounds are restored. If you give him 13 points of health, which you have up to, you can give up to 25 health.
You wouldn't need to give more than 13.

Speaker 1 So you still have 12 saved up in the battery, but you heal Norm for all of the 13 damage that he has taken. Oh, it just surges through your body, Norm, and your wounds begin to close one by one.

Speaker 1 I've never felt like that before. Yep, that was great.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Best I've ever had.

Speaker 1 And that is your move, your action. Greg, that is your whole turn.
Well done. Thank you.
Great turn. Amit.

Speaker 1 I don't know if we give like star of the night, but that turn. Wow.

Speaker 1 I got late. Did I fuck cake? Yeah.
Not yet. Oh, but you have seduced cake successfully, it seems, with your bonus action.

Speaker 1 Anywhere you want it. Anywhere.
Cake are you going and you just gave it all the big. Yeah, I did.
I transferred it over.

Speaker 1 I'll say a combat turn in DD is only six seconds, so I would not do you the insult of saying that you have fucked cake yet because that would take many turns, I imagine. Very efficient.

Speaker 1 Tino.

Speaker 1 Maybe. Maybe, certainly.
It might only take one turn, but it would have to be your next turn because you already used your bonus action to seduce.

Speaker 1 This is actually an incredible turn than using your move and action to go heal norm. And your seduction threw the goblins off.
I don't think that's better than I could have expected as a turn

Speaker 1 so efficiently. And that would bring us to Ehrlich next.

Speaker 1 Ehrlich, in theory, you can still see three goblins up in the trees, but they're not even sure if they want to fight us anymore after what they've been seeing so far in just the Paladins turn.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like we should probably just try and keep... They're thrown off now.
absolutely they wanted to fight but that's kind of over

Speaker 1 should we just cast a spell on them and kind of get them just get rid of them get them away

Speaker 1 yeah i'm down and keep on moving like i'm gonna kill the brothers we were right like we were kind of about to fight them but once now that we're away from fighting them we should just you know stay away and move on with the journey yeah i agree what if you cast a spell that made them all want to fuck each other and then we just got away while they were just tail to tail that'd be great yeah maybe yeah an inspiration spell like what they saw with jake and with Cake and Nick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, make them get in like a big circle where everyone's got a man in front of them. A goblin.
And it all connects.

Speaker 1 You have some spells that would help here. I think you have the spell, an illusion spell, possibly, listed under your spells.
Yep. And you may even have a charming spell.
Charm person, yes.

Speaker 1 A charm person could convince one goblin to become your best friend or something else, or to fall in love with either you or somebody else.

Speaker 1 And if you have minor illusion, minor illusion can create an image or a sound that might arouse the goblins potentially. I don't see the minor illusion.

Speaker 1 Charm person might be the one you want to work with. Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. So I'm going to say that you can use charm person on one of the goblins.
And if you get it to do something in particular, the other goblins might follow lead potentially.

Speaker 1 And what were you going to try to convince the goblin to do with charm person? Jerk off. Jerk off, absolutely.
I'm going to say that's so easy to convince a goblin to do that.

Speaker 1 It's going to have disadvantage on its saving throw throw right now. And so,

Speaker 1 oh my gosh, the goblin has rolled extremely well. And the goblin, as you tell it, hey, listen, it looks like you should just be, you know, enjoying yourself right now.

Speaker 1 The goblin starts to like reach down a little bit and then starts blinking his head like, no, no, no, and reaches for his sword instead. Is there anything you would try to say to maybe, you know what?

Speaker 1 No, he was thrown off. I got to roll one more time because he's so interested in what's going on here with these two.
I said he would have disadvantage on stuff. This counts.

Speaker 1 So that's an extra disadvantage. That is enough with a 10 total.
That is not going to be enough. At first, he starts reaching for his sword instead.
He says, I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 1 And then he looks at the paladin turning back to Cake and Cake kind of blushing a little bit. And he just goes, ah, and starts reaching down, kind of just fondling his loincloth a little bit.

Speaker 1 And then the other goblins turn in amazement to the other goblin friend and i'm gonna roll saving throws for the two of them both of them start going over to the other goblin and they're leaping from tree to tree and as they get close norm can hear them saying in goblin i didn't know you felt this way let's all hang out together and the goblins start to pile on to each other it seems like they are about to have a goblin three-way amongst themselves at the moment gorgie and they are very very busy at this point well done Ehrlich That was your action.

Speaker 1 Anything you want to do with your remover your bonus here?

Speaker 1 Is there any intuition check we can get on the brothers? Oh, interesting.

Speaker 1 What do you want to know about the brothers? Where are they? Where are they? Make a history check on the Rockseeker brothers. That's a great point.
We're now strategizing for our arrival in Fandalen.

Speaker 1 Go ahead and make a history check on that.

Speaker 1 11. 11 plus, I think you had a plus 5 for history.
Is that right? That's correct. With a 16, you recall that

Speaker 1 seeker brothers because we were about to work for them in theory have a shop that they work out of called old barthens provisions old barthen is a human who went into business with the rock seeker brothers they run the shop while he helped like kind of kickstart the shop and he works kind of the the front uh uh um uh desk while they work the the back store rooms and stuff.

Speaker 1 So old Barthon's provisions in the town of Fandalen is where you want to go if you want to go straight to the Rockseeker Brothers without anybody seeing you because it's just outside of town, in fact.

Speaker 1 No one will see you if you go straight to the shop. Yeah, I think

Speaker 1 that's the goal, right? Absolutely. I will ask then, the goblins are busy at the moment.
We have a window of opportunity to just get around this log and keep going.

Speaker 1 Do we want to do anything else here with these goblins? No, let's let them fall.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. We hear the goblins

Speaker 1 sounds of love disappearing into the distance behind us as we ride onward past the ambush that they had set up apparently for Sildar and Gundren, maybe. And we ride hard for the village of Fandolin.

Speaker 1 We can see up ahead old Barthon's provisions, and we can even see an old man with kind of a bald spot cleaning the windows inside.

Speaker 1 And he sees us on the way, and he kind of scratches his head a little bit.

Speaker 1 It's obvious without any insight check, he's probably wondering where the rock seeker brother Gundren gundran and sildar are right now that's who he's expecting at the moment you know he might recognize the horses too because they belong to the brothers it's almost like he's looking behind us at the horse and the pony right now yeah he doesn't recognize the dickier guy well we i imagine we didn't immediately do we have the head out right now

Speaker 1 sure is that head on display then i'm gonna roll to make sure that that barthon sees it barthon sees it his eyes go wide and then he starts starts to shutter up all the windows inside. Okay.

Speaker 1 I want to commit arson. Yeah, so you know what?

Speaker 1 You know what might be a good move?

Speaker 1 We have no sneak attack. Do we have any way of turning the horse into a bomb? And then making it charge through the front door and explode.
Interesting.

Speaker 1 Okay, here's the thing. We already have a bomb spell called Fireball that two of our characters can cast, but the problem with Fireball is the best we can do is throw it at the door.

Speaker 1 But if a horse were to charge charge the door and knock it down, then all of a sudden we would be able to throw a fireball not against the door, but into the shop.

Speaker 1 And if we threw a fireball into the shop, everything

Speaker 1 inside would get destroyed. Sounds like we don't want to do that.
No. Sounds like there might be something in that shop.
Yeah, so we just got to go and we got to storm the shop. We have the map.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. Fuck it.

Speaker 1 There would be values. What's going on inside the shop?

Speaker 1 Are they conducting some sort of electoral vote and we need to all charge it all we see it sounds like the town hall might be further into town potentially uh but we do see barthen trying to shutter up the windows but it seems like it's just him i would say that we don't hear anything else unless we are making perception checks to try to detect what else might be going on in there but it seems like the only thing that'll be destroyed is barthen and any supplies that they were selling in the front room of the shop but the main brothers are out and about well the brothers we think are in this shop but we're also aware there's a back room.

Speaker 1 And so they might get injured if they're in the back room, but they might not get killed if they're in the back room. They might, though.
We don't know for sure.

Speaker 1 We don't see the brothers at the moment. I don't really have a problem with the guy that's running the shop right now.
It seems like he's just a businessman. What if we went in?

Speaker 1 The brothers are the ones that we're afraid of, right?

Speaker 1 Like, we want to, we're afraid what they might do if they find out that we killed their brother. Well, we showed them the head.
Barthon saw the head. Barthon saw it, but the brothers didn't.

Speaker 1 The brothers didn't.

Speaker 1 What if we sent one of the horses up to the back door and had it like use its hoof gently scratching and be like, please let me in. You recognize me.

Speaker 1 And then we can use that to storm inside the back door. Ooh, I like it.
Absolutely. That could absolutely work.
Like some sort of a horse that deceives somebody into letting them into their city.

Speaker 1 Hypothetically.

Speaker 1 To get a horse to do that? Yeah, absolutely. You could

Speaker 1 make an animal handling check to see if you can command the horse to do that. So whoever's good at animal handling, Norm might be good at animal handling.
I'm plus four. You have a plus four on this.

Speaker 1 So Norm, you could try to convince the horse that what it needs to do is go up to the back door and kind of paw its head and hooves against that door. Three.
Damn.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Yeah, you don't have advantage with this horse right now.
The horse starts walking up to the back door. And then we see it just stand there.

Speaker 1 Just awkwardly standing there looking around. Not a very smart horse.
But that was Sildar's horse. You have one more chance because there's a pony as well.
This is Gundren's pony now.

Speaker 1 Seven. Seven.
Plus four. Four.
And eleven is just enough. This time, we're watching from a distance.
We see Barthon finish shuttering up the windows, and it looks like he's locking the front door.

Speaker 1 And then we don't see whatever else is happening inside. But we do see this pony walk up to the back door.
We're like, come on, come on, do it, do it, buddy.

Speaker 1 And then he just bonk, bonks his head against the door. And we see a dwarf who looks familiar.
He looks like Gundren, opens up the back door, and then goes, and he starts whispering to the pony.

Speaker 1 He's looking at the pony, he sees the saddle, he sees the bridle, and he starts to get upset.

Speaker 1 He climbs on the pony's back like he's checking all over this pony for a sign of what might happen, and then his brother comes walking out as well. Got them both.

Speaker 1 And then I'm going to roll to see if Barthon opens the back door to talk to them or not.

Speaker 1 He does. You see them start to turn to look back into the shop, and it's clear that someone is shouting at them right now.
And they're kind of looking at each other with confusion.

Speaker 1 So they're in the backyard on this pony looking at somebody inside, Barthon, we would assume, who's telling them something. We don't know what exactly.

Speaker 1 What about

Speaker 1 what's Wayne? Because he still looks like Sildar. What if if he's like, hey guys, it's me, Sildar.
You can try that, right?

Speaker 1 We got to convince Wayne to go up there. Yeah, so

Speaker 1 what kind of creatures are they? What's their species? It seems like these are two dwarves. Dwarves just like you who are on the back of the pony, and then Barthon's a human.
What do dwarves like?

Speaker 1 What's their motivation? Dwarves love mining. They love digging.
They love gold.

Speaker 1 What if I just start digging a hole? Because guys love to dig holes. We also have 140 coins.
That's true. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 We're just going to dig and give it to them and then kill them. Like, we're taking the money back.
That's true. It's not sucking.
It's not GTA.

Speaker 1 But are they going to want to take money from me? Because they know that we've got their brother's head now. They don't know that yet.

Speaker 1 They haven't seen the head just yet, but the Barthon seems to be telling them something. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I feel like that's a... No, but Barthon has seen the head.
Right. Let's try to get that.
I feel like that we just found the head. The first thing you would say.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, guys.
Hey, does this belong to you? Yeah, no, they're like, oh, hey, it's me, Sildar. Your brother's head is right here.
We were hanging out, and then this happened.

Speaker 1 Yeah, how about smoked pot? Okay, how about this? Don't smoke weed. How about I go up to him and I do that? I say, like, hey, I found this out in the woods.
I'm trying to find its owner.

Speaker 1 Does anybody know like the guy that has the dick ear? And then I start digging a hole in hopes that they'll just be like, yo, that looks awesome. I'd like to dig a hole with the guy.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I will go ahead and say, as you walk up, are you bringing the head with you? Yeah. Absolutely.
Cake, are you handing the head over to him? Absolutely. Give me a head.

Speaker 1 As you walk over, you're now getting advantage on a deception check to convince them. Now, I will also ask, are you still wearing Sildar's? Yeah, yeah.
Of course. That's kind of my thing.

Speaker 1 Okay. Are you claiming that you found both of these things? The skin that you're wearing? You should pretend to be Sildar.
I'm Sildar. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm like, yo, I found this head that looks just like mine because I'm Sildar, except this one's got a dick for an ear. Okay, you're saying, so this is my friend Gundren, because I'm Sildar.

Speaker 1 This is Gundren's head. Oh, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 so you can be like, I'm Sildar, and my friend Gundren died. I found him like this.
Maybe you didn't know how he got like this.

Speaker 1 And if you roll ball on deception, they will not only believe that, they'll also believe you're Sildar. Also, maybe tell me that you need a big one here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, tell me you had a bad night of sleep or something. Keep it on the table.

Speaker 1 And they're like, you look like shit with a four

Speaker 1 as you are walking up saying, no, I'm such a liar. You're trying to do Sildar's voice.
You have a plus six on this, you got a 10. And at first, they're like, is that Sildar?

Speaker 1 You have a plus eight on deception. Oh, you have a plus eight.
So you got a 12 total.

Speaker 1 That's such an easy roll, PFT. Shut the fuck up, Hank.
Sorry, Wayne. The brothers are rolling well enough.
And let me just confirm, Barthon, as well. Yes.
Both of them start to look in fear.

Speaker 1 At first, one of the brothers goes, is that Sildar? And the other brother goes, no, it's not. And you hold up like, listen, I just found him like this.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna say, canonically, you got confused, and you're like, this is my wait, right? I'm Sildar, and this is Gundren, and I found him like this. Do you know Dickier here?

Speaker 1 And they're just like shaking their heads, like, no, no, no. And they start to back away on the pony.
And you see Barthon poke his head out the back door and just go, oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 1 Look at the brothers who are like, we got a ride. And he's just like, I got to shut this back door and try to barricade in here.
They're very afraid of you. What would you like to do?

Speaker 1 You still could do an action if you want to cast cast a spell or do something here.

Speaker 1 I feel like I got to get into that store, right? Yeah. Like, we got to find out what's inside.
Got to. If he's shutting the door, you need something to stop him from shutting it.
Maybe a head.

Speaker 1 With a penis. Yeah, or yeah.
I like that. I slip his penis in there.

Speaker 1 What if I just huck the head, the human head, at the door as it's closing? You can huck the head. You'll have advantage because that's so surprising.
They're not expecting that.

Speaker 1 And you have a little like a web to help chuck it. And so go ahead and roll two D20s and take the higher number to see if you huck the head into the door all right first one is a 20

Speaker 1 i think i'll take that one heck how was that was that okay for you oh my name's Ehrlich

Speaker 1 Ehrlich wouldn't be able to see the 20

Speaker 1 with a critical hit you not only huck the head through the door I'm gonna give you a choice do you want to wedge the door open or do you want to knock Barthon back with it so that he can't shut the door at all

Speaker 1 I would like if it's wedged open then it's just wedged open if it knocks him back, then it won't be wedged open at all, but he's not.

Speaker 1 I would like to hit him in the face with the head, specifically the penis part of the head. Okay, yes.
Have it bounce off his head and get stuck in the door. Absolutely.
We'll do that.

Speaker 1 It will knock him back a little bit, but no damage because he's hit with the soft part of this head, as it were. His mouth pushes against it.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Yeah, it just touches his tongue.

Speaker 1 Just a little bit, and he's like, eh, I got it in my mouth. And then it wedges in the doorway as he's trying to tug it shut.
The door is not locked now.

Speaker 1 You can run over and like help hold the door open, potentially. And that's what I'm going to do.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 In that case, I'm going to keep us in the same initiative then right now from our previous encounter. Wayne, you just went.
Cake and then Norm, you'd be up then.

Speaker 1 And then these dwarves and Barthon will get a chance to do something. So Cake, what would you like to do?

Speaker 1 You see all this happening. The two dwarves are about to ride off for town.
It looks like Barthon is still trying to barricade himself in the house, but it's obviously not going very well.

Speaker 1 I need to save him. Well, we got to stop the dwarves and get in the house between the two of us.
Am I doing a pretty good job holding the door? You're doing a great job.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I got the door, so don't worry about that. What's our problem? Deal with the dwarves, and I'll go in the door with

Speaker 1 okay. I'll distract the dwarves.
You can distract the dwarves.

Speaker 1 I'll also tell you that this is maybe the furthest distance from the town or the closest you could be to town where a spell would not be heard or noticed by people in the town like you can kind of see the rest of the village but if you were to throw a fireball you don't think the villagers would necessarily hear or see it so we just smoke them out now that we know they're in there well no they're outside they're outside on the horse

Speaker 1 or right outside on a pony all right

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 should we hurt the dwarves or just distract them well we're gonna have to kill them eventually because remember we killed their brother and put a penis on his face yeah

Speaker 1 So let's distract them. You could definitely distract them if you want to.
You could use one of your spells potentially to distract him or do something else to distract him.

Speaker 1 Or should we try and track them? Thunderclap them.

Speaker 1 Thunderclap. Thunderclap.
Thunderclap. If you rush up to them, Thunderclap hurts.
You could cast Thunderclap. Are you doing Thunderclap or Thunder Wave?

Speaker 1 Thunderclap hits everybody around you with a little burst of Thunder. Thunder Wave

Speaker 1 deals more damage and throws them backward, potentially off the pony. Thunder Wave.
Thunder Wave. You run up, give them the old fussroda.
Boom. Do you like clap your hands together or do you shout?

Speaker 1 What does your thunder wave look like? I scream, I'm the best one here.

Speaker 1 You run up, I'm the best one here.

Speaker 1 And they immediately need to make saving throws.

Speaker 1 One of them got a total of a 15. That's just barely enough for half damage.
The other one failed his saving throw, the brother in the back. The horse then rears up.

Speaker 1 Ah, the pony also just barely passed its saving throw and will take half damage. But your damage with your thunder wave depends on what level you cast it at.
At first level, it deals two d8.

Speaker 1 But right now, you have second and third level spell slots. And if you upcast a thunder wave, it gets an extra d8 for every level that you upcast it by.

Speaker 1 So do you want to do first level, second level, or third level thunder wave? Let's go all the way. All the way.
Absolutely. That's going to be four of the d8s.
That's the one shaped kind of like this.

Speaker 1 If you roll that one four times,

Speaker 1 do you have any zinnies early?

Speaker 1 So four, four tries. Yes.
Early. Yeah, but those are sixes.
Two. Two so far.

Speaker 1 Six. Six.
That brings us eight so far. Four.

Speaker 1 Twelve so far.

Speaker 1 Five. Five.
So 17 damage is enough that one of the brothers is utterly slain

Speaker 1 and the other brother is down to one hit point left. He is so close to going down because even with half damage, that was eight damage against him, and he only had nine hit points.

Speaker 1 One of the brothers goes flying through the air and impales on a piece of the rooftop of the shop. The other brother goes skipping along the ground a little bit.

Speaker 1 He just fell off his horse, and then the pony is about halfway dead and immediately starts running off towards the town. But that's just a pony.
He's not telling anybody anything.

Speaker 1 And Kate, that would bring us from your turn then to Norm's turn next. So I got to get in there and help Wayne.
Absolutely. So we got to grab Barthenon or whatever the fuck his name is.

Speaker 1 Barthen is trying to shut the door right now, and there comes one dwarf with one hit point out. Barthanon's a human? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 He is a human. He's an older human gentleman.
Seems like he's even weaker than the two dwarf brothers. So you can easily elbow the door open, no problem.
He immediately puts his hands up in the air.

Speaker 1 Ha, ha, ha. And you can see the back room of his shop.
It's got all these cool adventuring supplies and stuff, but otherwise a fairly ordinary place. And he seems like he's trying to surrender to you.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Please leave me alone. I want to smash this.
Absolutely. Are you doing a reckless attack or a regular? Yeah, let's get reckless.
Absolutely. You're going reckless.

Speaker 1 Are you also raging? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Go ahead and roll two D20s for your first attack. 19.
19 is already great. Just roll one more time to make sure it's not a crit.
16.

Speaker 1 A 19 plus your attack bonus is going to be such a solid hit against Barthon. You can roll the D12 plus 6, but he only has 7 hit points.
So with your first attack,

Speaker 1 it's guaranteed. He got 14 damage.
How do you slay Barthon?

Speaker 1 Okay, so he had his hands up? Yes. All right, so I want to cut off both of his hands.
Boom, dumb. And then shove them down his throat.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 You catch his hands and in one death maneuver, shove them both down his throat. Ah, ah, ah.
And he falls over dead to the ground. Nice.
All is quiet in the shop.

Speaker 1 You can see the door that leads to the front room. There was no other shopkeepers here, no awkward family members, no one else to take care of except one dwarf with one hit point outside.

Speaker 1 Did he have a family? Yeah, because it was a family. He did not have a family.
He wanted to kill his family. No family

Speaker 1 that we need to take care of, luckily for us. Pets? Anyone that would care if he did that? No, he has friends.
They're all in the village right now, pretty far away, right?

Speaker 1 And for the record, just so we're on the same page here, Cake had to leave because he's taking a shit right now.

Speaker 1 He's got bad balance

Speaker 1 after the thunderclap.

Speaker 1 It was a powerful thunderclap. It obviously knocked some things out besides just wind.
Okay. We're going to get

Speaker 1 that.

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Speaker 1 Absolutely. He's got problems.
He's got a big problem. All right, so now we're now in the shop, right? Yeah.
You were in the shop. Successfully, you've slain Barthon.

Speaker 1 Technically, you have another attack. And because you are a barbarian at fifth level, you have fast movement.

Speaker 1 You can do whatever you want with the rest of your turn, but technically, I feel obliged to let you know you could run back out of the shop and deal your last two

Speaker 1 attack that you get right now against the dwarf, or you can do yeah, let's kill the dwarf. Let's kill the dwarf.

Speaker 1 You can run out, and this next attack, if you're going reckless, I'm gonna give three d20 rolls on because he's prone on the ground.

Speaker 1 That gives you another advantage. Should we put his dick on his ear just so he dies like his brother? Or shove the pony up his ass.
12.

Speaker 1 12 plus your slugs.

Speaker 1 He's definitely going to be a hit, and he only had one hit point left, so don't even worry about rolling damage. You slay

Speaker 1 the last of the rock sequence. We just killed everyone, Jake.
He was just about to get up. He was literally in the process of standing up and trying to call out to the town below.

Speaker 1 Like he was hoping it'd be shouted loud enough, but instead, there is just

Speaker 1 the axe going through his neck. And you see in the distance, the villagers kind of maybe starting to move around the town a little bit.

Speaker 1 Nobody heard that thunder wave spell so nobody looks up all is quiet around bars

Speaker 1 probably in the stall next to you

Speaker 1 took a short rest yeah and uh no not while you think it was oh okay oh yeah and uh in that case all is quiet in the shop we can do whatever we want here but we've eliminated the witnesses who would have been waiting for the Rock Seeker brothers and we have the map that would lead us to Wave Echo Cave.

Speaker 1 let's you want to rummage around real quick see what's in the shop? But then we should get to Wave Echo Cave. We killed their entire bloodline.
We should but there's something going on in the shop.

Speaker 1 Okay. They're doing something in the back room.
Yeah. Let's check out what are they doing?

Speaker 1 Everybody here can either make a perception or investigate check to look around for any clues of what might be going on in this shop if you are curious about it. 19.
19.

Speaker 1 18. 18.
And do you have any skills, perception, or investigation checks? I got plus one on perception. So that's a 20 for you? Is that right? 18 plus one is not.
We both got 19. 19 and 19.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got a one. A one.
I'm sorry to say this.

Speaker 1 Three. My roles have been bad today.
I can't lie. Ehrlich, as you move around, you are checking underneath one shelf, and all of a sudden, all these mining picks start to fall towards your head.

Speaker 1 Please make a dexterity saving threat. I hope it kills you.

Speaker 1 I thought we were a team. Well, then Hank fucking made me go up to that fucking log in the middle of the road and get shot.
He keeps talking shit about my rolls. 17-year-olds suck.
16. 16 with a 16.

Speaker 1 16, that is just enough. A 15 or higher dodges you out of the way before any of the mining picks fall on your head, luckily.

Speaker 1 And you unfortunately are not finding anything else. The 19s are going to turn up something, but I'm wondering, did anybody get higher?

Speaker 1 How do I do a perception roll? Perception roll be a D20 plus your wisdom bonus of plus two since you don't have perception

Speaker 1 16. 18.
18. 18 is going to turn up the same stuff they're turning up with a 19.
I got a three. Three.

Speaker 1 So with your investigate skill, even with it being very good, you're just looking around, criticizing like the inside of this shop is like obviously dwarves and humans like running this place.

Speaker 1 It's not very clean and nice, but. It's like a TGI Fridays.
Absolutely. Or Burlington Coat fashion.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 You three are finding some notes around here that are indicating that Barthon and the Rockseeker brothers were exchanging letters when they were kind of running their businesses here and in Neverwinter.

Speaker 1 They had to exchange a lot of letters. And it's clear that they've been looking for Wave Echo Cave for a long time.

Speaker 1 But the letters also make it clear that they're aware someone else is definitely looking for Wave Echo Cave. Sounds like the plot to National Treasure.
Like we just killed Nicholas Cage almost.

Speaker 1 Yes, it seems like we killed the good guys who are looking for Wave Echo Cave. Quote unquote.

Speaker 1 They were the ones looking for Wave Echo Cave, and it's clear that there is another person that they don't know who it is.

Speaker 1 All they've encountered is attacks from goblins and then one human who tried to assassinate Barthon.

Speaker 1 He was apparently part of the local thieves guild who wear this red band on their arms to identify themselves.

Speaker 1 And they kind of caught this individual and interrogated them a little bit, but the only thing he was willing to confess before they turned him over to the town guard was that he worked for an individual known as the black spider.

Speaker 1 And whoever the black spider is, they don't know, but Barthon and the Rockseeker brothers knew that the only reason they would be getting messed with by him is because this black spider must know they were looking for a way of echo cave, and he wanted to find it too.

Speaker 1 And apparently, he had goblins and thieves in town working for him, it seems. But that is all you are learning with an 18 and a 19 from the 19th century.

Speaker 1 We don't really have any other recourse but to go to the cave. Yeah, let's get to the cave inside.
We gotta burn this house down.

Speaker 1 We gotta burn this fucking body. Bring the bodies inside.
Bring the bodies in and start a fire. It will be a convincing.

Speaker 1 Let's keep the head with the dick on it. Absolutely.
Okay, that's it. That's kind of a recalling card.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the wet bandits.

Speaker 1 We want to make sure we have that. Absolutely.
We take that as our souvenir. Otherwise, all other evidence of our crimes will be burned down along with this town, along with this house.

Speaker 1 Is the head dented at all from being wedged in the door? I'm going to roll for the head to see how dented is.

Speaker 1 Good question. The head is badly dented.
It has this

Speaker 1 crack down it and the imprint of a doorknob in one of the eyes.

Speaker 1 Can we put the penis into the corner?

Speaker 1 The penis is just squished against the side and has sort of the imprint of Barthon's face on it. Okay, so

Speaker 1 it's gonna be okay.

Speaker 1 It's like

Speaker 1 cutting a tree in half. We can read like how old you are.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Exactly like that.
Like 100%.

Speaker 1 Okay. So yeah,

Speaker 1 I think we burned the place down and we tie the head up to a tree outside. No, I think we take it with us.
We don't leave it behind us. No, every time we roll up.

Speaker 1 Look at this. This is what we're capable of.
Okay, yeah. Dwarven head.
Yes, absolutely. Now, at this point, I just want to go over to Greg real quick.

Speaker 1 And Greg, I'm not the one to tell you that your God is angry with you because we have not determined or I've not heard whether the God you follow is good or evil.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to ask, how is your God, as you look into the flames, what would your God or whatever oath you have pledged, how would you be feeling about what we have done so far as a paladin?

Speaker 1 Typically, paladins follow the path of heroism and do good to protect innocent people. What are the thoughts going through Greg's head? My God has never been more proud of me.
Absolutely. I love it.

Speaker 1 100%. We'll figure out who that God is exactly.
Do you think that God is evil or good?

Speaker 1 I am I think he's good.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. All right.
Yeah. I love it.

Speaker 1 And I'm trying to think there are gods who follow the law who are also evil, but there are also lawful good gods who are very strict when it comes to like keeping secrets and things like that.

Speaker 1 Do you think you follow one of the latter gods perhaps?

Speaker 1 I think it's it's the the first one. It's an evil god, but I think it's it's the right thing to do.
Love it, absolutely. There is a a god known as Bane, and Bane is essentially Sauron.

Speaker 1 He's like, people say I'm evil, but when I'm in charge, the law gets followed because everyone has to follow the laws. Do you think you are a paladin of Bane?

Speaker 1 I've worshipped Bane my whole life. Absolutely.
As a paladin of Bane, you are kind of a dark knight is the vibes that you give off. I feel like there's a theme here.

Speaker 1 And Bane definitely is telling you, I approve of everything you have done here. These people were weak.
If they were strong, they could have defended their map. It goes

Speaker 1 victim shaming? Who can control? No.

Speaker 1 Tim. You said if they were weak, they would have been able to

Speaker 1 definitely victim shaming right now. Sorry to say, Bane is a good thing.
He sounds like a real joker.

Speaker 1 As a bit of a stickler for, you know, the law protects those who are strong.

Speaker 1 He's the Old Testament guy. Yeah, very much so.
He's like, punishment where punishment is. We pulled a two-face.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we did. We did.
We flipped a coin.

Speaker 1 And also, that guy has a face imprinted on his face. It's very Batman-like.
Ah!

Speaker 1 And there is nothing stopping us from just going to Wave Echo Cave. Let's go.
Look at the road.

Speaker 1 As we navigate our way to Wave Echo Cave, I am going to need somebody here to make a survival check. If you make a survival check, you would have advantage due to the map.

Speaker 1 But I think Norm might be the only person who even has the survival skill. I do anybody here has.
I have plus four survival.

Speaker 1 So unless somebody has a plus four wisdom or better norm is going to be the best on this okay

Speaker 1 two times norm seven not great

Speaker 1 come on

Speaker 1 six six with a plus four so that's an 11 total norm with an 11 i will give you at least a little bit of advance notice make a perception or stealth check since you're leading the way i want to see what you notice here 11 11 plus which is better uh your stealth is only plus two so i imagine your perception is better than that.

Speaker 1 I don't have perception. You don't have perception, that's also only a plus two.

Speaker 1 So you with an 11 got a 13, whatever you're rolling, and that's just enough that you know up ahead there are some orcs who have made camp. You think you got off the trail, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 You're going up into the mountains and you've stumbled across some orcs by accident.

Speaker 1 Now, if you make another survival check to go around them, you can avoid these orcs completely because they haven't spotted you yet. So you still have advantage.
roll another two survival checks nine

Speaker 1 six with a nine plus you said you had plus three right we determined you had what no what was your survival you said plus four plus four with a nine plus four a 13 is just enough to find wave echo cave and not to have the orcs following you i was so tired of killing well done it was getting very close absolutely and you can tell up ahead there is a cave entrance marked with ancient runes that leads into Wave Echo Cave, it seems.

Speaker 1 With our dark vision, for the people who have dark vision, like our elves and our dwarves, you can see inside that there is a chasm, a pit that drops off as soon as you're inside this cave.

Speaker 1 And on the other side, there's two ledges on the other side of the pit. There's a ledge that leads to the north, and there's a ledge that leads to the east.

Speaker 1 We're kind of approaching into this this cave from the southwest.

Speaker 1 So we're heading northeast into this into this cave and if we get across this pit, there's a ledge to the north and there's a ledge to the east, but no obvious signs of a way to get to those two ledges.

Speaker 1 What would we like to do?

Speaker 1 How do we get past the giant hole? Can we walk across Cake's web?

Speaker 1 Cake's web would create enough tension for us to walk across, maybe using our hands and our feet, But here's the problem: it's also very sticky and very flammable.

Speaker 1 That hasn't come up yet, but that's an important, maybe the most important thing. Do we know what's at the bottom of this hole? We don't know what's at the bottom of the hole.

Speaker 1 All we can see is like some moisture and spikes of stone stalagmites. Can I grab like a huge tree and make it as a bridge for us? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 You can use your athletics right now to try to tear down a tree or grab a big log and set it up as a bridge. Okay, let's do that.
That would be your athletics skill. All right, so I'm plus seven.

Speaker 1 Plus seven. Go for it.
Wow. All you really need is a 15 or higher on this.
I am him.

Speaker 1 I got a 10. A 10 plus 7 is just enough that you carry over a log that is just big enough that you can lay it across to either lead to the north or the south.
Or sorry, or the east.

Speaker 1 And you can actually switch the log back and forth. You're still going to have to keep doing that.
Do we want to split up, switching it back and forth? Who's going over first?

Speaker 1 Not me. I'll go.
I'll take one for the team. There we go.

Speaker 1 I think we should stick together, right? I do. Alright, so we want to go north or east.
I said we send Ulrich on his own. Yeah.
Why don't we all go north and Ulrich can go east?

Speaker 1 Maybe you can send his little girlfriend in the other hole. Yeah.
Alright, that works. He'll go east.
She's kind of killing the vibe, I'll be honest. Like, this is supposed to be a boys' trip.

Speaker 1 Bring your girl.

Speaker 1 Now, Ehrlich, you can do whatever you want with Lola. Lola's invisible right now, so no one will really see where Lola goes in theory.

Speaker 1 It's tough for me to say what I really want to do because they're not listening.

Speaker 1 Can I go join the.

Speaker 1 Can I go ahead of the cave and like booby trap them? What? Interesting. All right, Hank's dead.
Hank just signed his death.

Speaker 1 Now no one knows that this is happening unless Lola gets spotted. Now it's obvious to me that they want to know this is happening, so I'm going to ask for a stealth check from

Speaker 1 her to make sure that she is not getting seen.

Speaker 1 Stealth plus five.

Speaker 1 If you were to sneak ahead, you would need the invisibility spell almost definitely and i don't think you have that but maybe you do otherwise lola does turn invisible i have a disguise self oh you disguise self that would have been good to know uh you would have been able to even hold him out like whoever you want you can change your appearance to look like whoever you want anyone in the party or anybody else

Speaker 1 strength and numbers i would kind of like to come back as the dickhead guy and then murder them so it's like they like a ghost is coming for them absolutely they will not see this coming probably because you'll cast disguise self I see it I see it right now are you casting it right now on yourself when they can see you or are you waiting for no I think I want to go in the separate hole which they banish me on and get ahead of them and then when they open come to the cave like absolutely so you'll be able to do that let me low-key though keep this between us absolutely 100% so you're gonna go off on the separate cave where were the rest of the willingly like they just well now we're gonna follow him what do you mean not what do you mean not willingly we just sent your girlfriend off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you followed her like a little simp.

Speaker 1 Let's follow her. I'm going to say, first, my first question will be, is Lola going ahead of you? Or is Lola sticking with you right now? Sticking with you.
Sticking with you, of course.

Speaker 1 So since we don't have any evidence

Speaker 1 that he's doing any kind of plan, I got to have us stick to our original plan right now. And he is splitting off from the rest of us.
That's fair.

Speaker 1 Let me just check. Which way did we go north? We went north, he went east.
He went east. So you're going east.

Speaker 1 I want to invite you first to make a perception check as you crossed the bridge and now the bridge is getting swapped behind you.

Speaker 1 13. 13.
And you have a perception skill bonus? Otherwise, it's just

Speaker 1 plus zero for you then. With a 13, I will say you get to the other side and you can see with your dark vision three different ways you could go.

Speaker 1 There's tunnels, carved tunnels here, not natural cave tunnels, but tunnels that it looks like dwarves made. There is a tunnel to the south.

Speaker 1 There is a tunnel further east, and there is a tunnel to the north that ends in a door. The tunnel to the south seems to have noises

Speaker 1 coming from it that sound like clattering, like a movement of maybe bones. To your north.
Mincy type noises?

Speaker 1 Not really mincing. It sounds more like scraping, dragging of bones.

Speaker 1 And then to your north, you hear against that door a scraping, scratching sound against the door of claws, and then something else is eating in that room. And then up ahead,

Speaker 1 you smell, but don't see or hear, what smells like fungus smells coming from that direction. I feel like I want to go south.
I know the king of the south down there. He's an ally.

Speaker 1 If I can run into him, that'd be good for me. I'm also going to give you a chance to make a history check to see if you are aware of something here.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 There's also another D20 and orange one right there.

Speaker 1 Did he take on the

Speaker 1 life form of the guy with the penis here?

Speaker 1 He hasn't changed yet. Okay.

Speaker 1 18. Okay, with an 18, he's

Speaker 1 plus 5 for history. That's enough to tell you that if you're trying to ambush your friends, then the way you want to go is north towards that door.

Speaker 1 Because if they're going north, that's going to eventually, you think, intersect you with them. If you go south, you'll be going the furthest away from your friends.
Smart.

Speaker 1 Should have thought of that. We'll go north.
Absolutely. You're not very smart.
As you start going north, logicing out,

Speaker 1 that'll lead you back to intersect with your friends again. You get right in front of this door.
to your former friends.

Speaker 1 You can hear loud scratching on the other side of the door, like something's curious and is sniffing at the boards of the door on the other side.

Speaker 1 And then it sounds like other things further in the room are like almost fighting amongst themselves over a meal. You can make a perception check or you can shapeshift yourself right now.

Speaker 1 And that would be I'll go shapeshift. I kind of want to, I need some friends.
I need some new companions since I got ditched by my other ones. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Let's get in there there and try and mix it up.

Speaker 1 You now use disguise self to look exactly like Gundren Rockseeker, who in fact is a little bit taller than you, because as a gnome, you're like this tall, maybe.

Speaker 1 You now have a projected image of Gundren Rockseeker around you. So unlike a tall spellcaster, you'd have to be very worried about somebody seeing where your head really is.

Speaker 1 So you have a very good disguise of Gundren now, and you are up against this strange

Speaker 1 doorway that it seems like was made by miners. And that is going to bring us to the rest of the team.

Speaker 1 The rest of the team switches the log over to the northern path now, and they start crossing that bridge.

Speaker 1 Actually, let me just see a quick D20 roll for you, Ehrlich, just making sure you made it across okay. How did you do on that? Tenner.
Ten is fine.

Speaker 1 I would like to see the rest of you also just roll a D20.

Speaker 1 I'm curious, so as to the layout of this tunnel that he's in, right now, is there he can only go back the way that he came in, or are there other escapes?

Speaker 1 There's only one way to go now, through the door or back to the intersection. Okay.
And did anyone get a five or less on this roll? Yeah, I got a three. Oh, no.
Okay, with a three, let me just check.

Speaker 1 Do you have acrobatics or athletics as a skill? No. Okay, then right now, as you try to cross

Speaker 1 the pitch, you're about to fall into this pit unless somebody, and I would say there's only two people, the person in front of you and the person behind you.

Speaker 1 Assuming Norm, you were in front, you can reach down to try to save him, make another D20 roll, and it says plus your athletics. 14 plus 7, gotcha.
Plenty. You catch Wayne

Speaker 1 before he falls. And out of the pit, what looks like.
I mean, the fact that you can't even climb over a fucking tree is tough.

Speaker 1 Go fuck your imaginary girlfriend. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to fuck her when I kill you. It's a cat.
Oh, no, it's a demon. Yeah, it's a little demon.
I'm going to fuck her. It could be, you know, it looks like a cat whenever they see it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Great. And as you get.

Speaker 1 Wayne Dawson.

Speaker 1 You're You're able to see what looked like black water down in that pit was reaching up towards you with oozy tendrils, and then it just sinks back down into the pit once it realizes it is not going to get a meal out of you.

Speaker 1 We can tell this is some sort of ooze or pudding of some kind, a sentient creature that no doubt would have devoured you with acid, Wayne. Thanks for watching.

Speaker 1 And you are safe on the bridge now, pulled across.

Speaker 1 And you can see up ahead are all of these mining tunnels very narrow mining tunnels that just lead off in crazy random directions most of them in dead ends and it's clear that there were miners who had dug out all of these tunnels but we can see just navigating around a little bit there's two ways to go out of these mining tunnels there is a route to the north with stairs that go down into some sort of a cave and then there is a tunnel to the east that ends in a door.

Speaker 1 We don't know it, but it looks very similar to the door that Ehrlich is in front of. Yeah, I mean we gotta go to that one.
Yeah, the stairs.

Speaker 1 I don't feel like doing stairs because if you go down then you have to climb up eventually. Back up.

Speaker 1 No doubt it looks like there is some sort of incline on the other side and we're smelling water from those stairs. That is all.
Yeah, that's that ends up.

Speaker 1 So let's go to that other tunnel and find Ehrlich and kill him.

Speaker 1 As soon as you get to the end of that tunnel, against that door where you had heard only maybe the sounds of two creatures fighting over a meal, instead all of a sudden you hear motion, like something is scampering from one location to the other, other, and then you hear scratching against your door.

Speaker 1 Ehrlich, you no longer hear scratching against your door or sniffing.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 1 And what would people like to do?

Speaker 1 What's the fastest way to get to Hank and murder him? My name is Ehrlich. Open the door.

Speaker 1 We're going to open the door. How bad do we want this treasure? Let's just take the whole fucking mountain down.

Speaker 1 I mean, my life is a good thing. I wanted to kill him right now.
You don't want him to be buried alive? That would be nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 we could send Cake to take him out. You guys are so scared of doing anything on your own.
It's unbelievable. Let's open the door and fuck him up.
Alright, so we're opening the door.

Speaker 1 Did you let him do that to you? What? He just called you a pussy. Yeah, that's fine.
I'm about to fucking kill him.

Speaker 1 Fuck his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Here's a pact between the brotherhood. We gotta fuck Lolita while Hank's still alive.

Speaker 1 I think that's fair. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. And if you are going to open the door, you can make an athletics check.
The door is a little stuck right now. Obviously, time and water damage have taken their toll upon this door.

Speaker 1 Okay, so what I got to do is a D20 plus athletics to get this door open. 11 plus 7.
That is plenty to get the door open. You throw this door open, revealing a barracks of some kind.

Speaker 1 You think the miners, once upon a time, would have slept in these stone beds around here. And there are two doors leading out.

Speaker 1 One door leads to the south, and you think you hear some noise on the other side of that door. Then there's another door that leads to the north, but this room is not empty.

Speaker 1 Right on the other side of the door, as soon as you throw it open, there is a creature that looks like one of the zombies from 28 days later. It looks like a fast zombie.

Speaker 1 It is pale-skinned with a mouth full of rows of teeth and vicious looking hooked claws at the end of its hands.

Speaker 1 It looks up at you, sniffing the air, and with its black eyes narrowing at you, leaps up to try to strike you, Norm, with first its claws in a ready to attack.

Speaker 1 Norm, I'm sorry to say, you just got critical hit by what you think is a ghoul,

Speaker 1 and this ghoul is hitting you with its claws, so I'm going to need you to make a constitution-saving throw as the ghoul's claws hit you. No, this doesn't feel good.

Speaker 1 It doesn't feel good for you, boy, Norm. Plus, six, I believe, you have, because you're quite good at this.
Four.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm sorry to say, with a ten, that is not going to be enough.

Speaker 1 Prostitution destroyed.

Speaker 1 Norm, I'm so sorry to say that since you are not, you weren't able to rage because there were no enemies around to rage against at the moment. And I'm so sorry to say that you just took 20

Speaker 1 or sorry, 18 damage

Speaker 1 from the claws of the ghoul. They leap up to you.
He starts throttling you and digging your claws in. And that was the bad part.
Here's the worst part.

Speaker 1 As the claws dig into your neck, you start to feel your muscles locking up. Oh no, you are paralyzed by the claws of the ghoul.
They're going to have to push you around and you're fat as fuck.

Speaker 1 That means that as you're getting paralyzed, the ghoul's looking around. He's going to turn to brandy.
You're healthy.

Speaker 1 It has one more attack and it wanted to do that bite attack against somebody else to like try to take it on another ally Except when you get paralyzed the ghoul's instincts kick in it loves when people get paralyzed because then it can feast Slowly

Speaker 1 and it's gonna bite you because it has advantage on this attack roll now that you're paralyzed

Speaker 1 That's going to be a 21 to hit you. I'm sorry to say that means he gets critical hit damage For the bite attack as well, but he's rolling bad on this so far.

Speaker 1 Okay, he stopped that nine so far ten plus two, another 12 points of damage. So Norm, you've taken 30 damage in all from this ghoul.
Can Greg touch my balls again? He can't walk?

Speaker 1 Certainly. The days have passed, and so in theory, your healing is back up to full now, Greg.
So you could get healed again. And then the last bit of bad news after the ghoul does his attacks.

Speaker 1 The worst news that came. And this isn't quite as bad news because nobody's attacking you right now, at least.
But the two other ghouls

Speaker 1 in the room

Speaker 1 look up from the bones that they are chomping on.

Speaker 1 And they just turn in that scary way and start rushing over the beds, leaping from bed to bed towards Norm and the others. Where are my bros? Ehrlich, you hear all of this?

Speaker 1 And so all of you can now roll into initiative against these ghouls. Can my bros help me, please? Yeah, I certainly will.
I want to help you. I got a question.

Speaker 1 Can I use my sleight of hand to open up the door and send the ghouls after Ehrlich? No, that would require you to be next to that door, and currently you're like 15 feet away from that door.

Speaker 1 Can I ask if you have the spell mage hand? Mage hand. Where are my spells? That'll be at the front of the hand.
Oh, wait, got it.

Speaker 1 No, no, I don't. Unfortunately, without mage hand, you would have to get to that door first, and there's one ghoul standing in the way currently between

Speaker 1 those enemies.

Speaker 1 She's got mage hand. Yep.

Speaker 1 I just like to do vicious mockery on Hank. You have to do that.
And insult him so badly he gets a nosebleed. Yeah, you can't even see me, dude.
Your fucking boy's getting disappointed.

Speaker 1 Okay, I rolled a 12.

Speaker 1 Big guy can't even walk.

Speaker 1 That's weird.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're making fun of disabilities now? No, I'm just saying, like, maybe PFG should get his priorities straight. Wow.
Hank, not APA approved. Wayne, sorry.
Let that know when you go hiring people.

Speaker 1 I will warn everyone the ghoul's got a 16. So if you want to go ahead of all the ghouls, you're going to need to beat a 16.
Come on, guys. Come on, guys.
Do you have any advantages here?

Speaker 1 No advantage here.

Speaker 1 Come on, roll against us. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I would say

Speaker 1 they were

Speaker 1 so they didn't get a surprise attack against us, but they had a ready to action. I need a big roll out of you, Greg and Cake.

Speaker 1 Oh, nope.

Speaker 1 You have plus

Speaker 1 11 plus 3 is going to be 14, not enough to beat the ghouls. Greg?

Speaker 1 But D20 minus 1 on this, Greg. Oh, geez.

Speaker 1 6.

Speaker 1 6.

Speaker 1 Greg. And Norm, how did you do on initiative count? Oh, I haven't done it yet.
D20 plus two.

Speaker 1 Yeah, can he even use his hand? I mean, he will be able to make a saving throw on his turn. So, on initiative count of six, Norm, all you get to do on your turn is try to break free of the paralysis.

Speaker 1 But even if you do it, it'll be at the end of your turn. So we know your first turn will be just spent trying to break free.
And your turn. Friends can definitely try to save you.

Speaker 1 But right now, Ehrlich, the only person who might go ahead of the ghouls in initiative is you.

Speaker 1 So please roll a d20 plus two to see if you're going to beat the ghouls ghouls or if you're going after them

Speaker 1 11. 11 plus 2 is gonna be a 13 not enough the ghouls i am sorry to say are going first

Speaker 1 and right now they are almost definitely going against norm because he's paralyzed but i will ask there's enough room in the doorway for someone to be next to norm and try to draw one of the ghouls attacks against him instead of against Norm.

Speaker 1 Would anyone be volunteering to take that position? That's a bold move for the wizard. I think that would be fine to do.
I would just ask if you have the shield spell list as one of your spells.

Speaker 1 That's going to be very important for you. Otherwise, I know you have mage armor as one of your spells.

Speaker 1 Oh, I do have the shield. You have the shield spell.
That's going to be very important. I got a pee too.
I was just going to pee in this bottle. I was too, but I wanted to ask Tim first.

Speaker 1 Yeah, can we pee in our bottles? I'm totally fine. I actually just got this one out for that reason, though.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. I'm I'm reminded that I have my bottle here that I'm going to use as well.
Absolutely. And

Speaker 1 yeah, so

Speaker 1 Liam, blur out my penis. Jake, you are taking up the position against the ghouls.
I'm going to roll against you first while they're busy. And here's the first claw attack against you.

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry to say, the claws of the ghoul, as you step forward, like bring it on, it lunges forward and gets a 20 against you. Now, I'm sorry to say that your armor class with the mage armor is 16,

Speaker 1 but if you were to use shield, that would bring it up to 21. It only lasts for one turn, but shield would protect you from this claw.

Speaker 1 Are you using a shield against it? Did you fill it up right now? I'm a little distracted, right? Same

Speaker 1 thing.

Speaker 1 Did you fill it up? I got to pinch off. Well, I just peek a little on the tie.
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Holy shit. Hydrated?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a constitution save right there to pinch off. Absolutely.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Just pee a little on. So if you use shield, you'll be safe from the claws.

Speaker 1 I overflowed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It doesn't hold as much as you've been.

Speaker 1 You guys have the exact same color piss.

Speaker 1 It's incredible. This is guys being dudes.

Speaker 1 Has anybody ever peed in a game with you before? No, this will be a first. Love it.
Love it.

Speaker 1 I tried to do this when I was in the Lord of the Rings movies, and and my friends got upset. They didn't want me to do this.
They don't get any attention.

Speaker 1 I had to miss some valuable dialogue.

Speaker 1 Run to the bathroom. All right, so I'm rolling.
So, Kate, you don't have to roll anything. Right now, if you use a shield, you'll deflect this attack.

Speaker 1 If you don't, you'll get hit.

Speaker 1 So you'll burn up a first-level spell slot if you want to deflect this attack, and then you'll be protected for this turf. You won't fill up another bottle.
No, I'll go for it. That's good share.

Speaker 1 You're going for it. You deflect with a shield spell, this claw attack coming your way, you are totally safe.
But then the bite attack is going to come your way.

Speaker 1 It also misses thanks to your shield spell. Well done.
It protected you from both those attacks. And then the shield will wear off at the end of your next turn.

Speaker 1 But otherwise, until then, it's still protecting you.

Speaker 1 I'm peeing on myself.

Speaker 1 Now, Norm, you've got more attacks coming your way, I'm sorry to say. And so there's going to be two more

Speaker 1 coming your way. And that is going to be, let's see.
Oh, a miss, even with advantage against you.

Speaker 1 He grabbed, one of the ghouls reaches out to try to grab you and just scrapes along your arm a little bit then ooh the next ghoul only gets a 14 even with advantage that is just barely a miss well done yeah the bite and the claw or both claw attacks for the two ghouls missed and then the both of their bite attacks are going to try to go against you that is going to be a hit on one bite attack okay

Speaker 1 And then a miss with the second bite attack, even with you paralyzed, you're doing great. Unfortunately, they're going to to deal a lot of damage with this bite.
That's going to be eight plus

Speaker 1 five is going to be 13 plus another two. That's another 15 damage on you, Norm, bringing you up to 45 damage.

Speaker 1 You have 10 hit points left, and that is luckily the end of the ghoul turn and the beginning of Wayne's turn. Wayne, what would you like to do? I don't know.
What's the strategy here, guys?

Speaker 1 We're in a lot stronger. I can heal Norm.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 should I try to draw the ghouls to me as I make a break for the door and try to put them onto Hank?

Speaker 1 I don't know. You would be able to do that with either deception or another.
It's too risky.

Speaker 1 I don't know what else I can do right now. I've got spells.
I've got Thunder Wave. Thunder Wave can hit all.

Speaker 1 I do have Unseen Servant, too, so I can get an invisible. I've got an invisible friend of my own, Hank.
Yes. How's that sound? So can I use my Unseen Servant? Yes, you could.

Speaker 1 Okay, to go open up the door and unleash these beasts onto Ehrlich. The answer to that is, of course, absolutely.
Yeah, that is exactly what an unseen servant can do.

Speaker 1 So if you spend your action summoning your unseen servant, it immediately conjures this invisible air elemental into the air. You whisper to it, go open that door.
It flies over.

Speaker 1 Now, the only problem is the unseen servant is very weak. I need you to roll a d20 just to make sure he gets this door open.

Speaker 1 It's stuck like the door was when we first got in. I just rolled a two.
A two, I'm sorry to say, is not quite enough,

Speaker 1 especially with the penalty that the unseen servant has. Shut the fuck up, or fuck four.
You're actually. Oh, there is something you can do here.
Hey, five.

Speaker 1 Turn your own mic. You're dead.

Speaker 1 With your bonus action. No, you're literally almost dead.
No, you're dead.

Speaker 1 At least I can walk. Wait, wait, I got a bonus action.

Speaker 1 You get a bonus action. Yeah, I get a bonus action, bitch.
You can use your bonus action.

Speaker 1 You get to use it to inspire one person here, and I would allow that person to be your unseen servant. If you give your unseen servant inspiration, you get to add a D8 to that too.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right, here we go.
So go ahead and roll a D8. You inspire

Speaker 1 one with 8.

Speaker 1 It looks like two pyramids stuck together.

Speaker 1 Five. Five is enough.
And

Speaker 1 just barely get the door open. Keep talking that shit.
Keep that same energy, Hank, when the doors open. What do you say to inspire your unseen servant?

Speaker 1 I do my classic. It's the Draymond talking to Kevin Durant.
I get up in his ear and I'm like, you got this, you got this. Absolutely.
You tell him to believe in himself. He gets the door open.

Speaker 1 And with a pop, we see it's Gundren Rockseeker on the other side of the door. I will let everyone here, even somebody who's paralyzed, make a perception check real quick.
Roll a D20.

Speaker 1 And if you get ridiculously good on this, we'll add your perception bonus bonus, or insight. Insight is what this would be.

Speaker 1 Five, nah, even that 10 plus.

Speaker 1 Unless you have a very good insight. I do.

Speaker 1 No, nope, nope, nope. Not going to be able to do that.
14 plus 3. Plus 3.
17 would be very close.

Speaker 1 I would say I'm going to allow a deception check with advantage right now from

Speaker 1 12. And you get to roll a second time because you have advantage on this thanks to your disguise.

Speaker 1 Rich, get richer.

Speaker 1 Does Does this count on the keyboard? No.

Speaker 1 If it's a cock to die, as we might say, you get to re-roll it. That's all.

Speaker 1 It's like a wedgie. That's how we killed the other guy.

Speaker 1 Eight. Eight.
So we'll take the higher number was the 12, is that right? And what's your deception skill bonus? Use a skill. I do not have deception skill.
Oh, gosh. Sorry.

Speaker 1 And is stealth a skill that you have? Ah, yes. What's your stealth bonus? Plus five.
Plus five. Okay, I'm going to allow that.
So with the plus 12, that's a 17. And what was you? 17 with 12.

Speaker 1 17, if you're setting the DC, he needs to make it. Just barely, you can tell this is not Gundren.
Of course, this is Ehrlich in disguise. Do you tell the others this information? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You tell the others. I can take him down.
Yeah. Snitch bitch.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. So, Cake, you are aware of this information that that is Ehrlich on the the other side of the door.
And the door has just been opened on Wayne's turn.

Speaker 1 Wayne, you've used your action and your bonus. So, all you have is your move.
You could try to move over to him, but that'll be the end of your turn then at that point.

Speaker 1 So, I couldn't do anything like I couldn't throw the head. I'd allow you to use your move to just chuck the head at him.
It won't damage him, but... Oh, well, that doesn't really do much.

Speaker 1 So, I can move closer to him, though.

Speaker 1 You could try to move closer to him, but the problem is, right now, you would have to jump over a lot of ghouls who are in the way, and they might all get to attack you as you run towards him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't like the sound of of that. So I think I'll just fuck with them.
Absolutely. Yeah.
I think I'll throw the guy's head with the dick on it and try to get that dick tied around his dick ear.

Speaker 1 I'll allow that. Like an earring.
Yes, 100%. Go ahead and roll it around.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 A king dick, as it were.

Speaker 1 Or a dick king, I guess.

Speaker 1 Go ahead and roll a D20. If you got a dick ear, you can definitely hear us coming.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 17. 17.
With your attack bonus, that is enough that it hits him in the ear, and I will let you roll a dexterity saving throw to avoid your ear getting tangled in that.

Speaker 1 Oh, I got a one.

Speaker 1 Fuck you, bitch. Hey, dick ear.
With a natural one, it's not just tangled on your ear. It is in your ear.

Speaker 1 So they're docking. Yeah.
It's docked.

Speaker 1 It is docked.

Speaker 1 And that is the insult that has been inflicted upon you, Ehrlich, at the end of Wayne's turn. Cake, that brings us to you next, then Ehrlich, then Greg and Norm.

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Let's keep taking him down.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Cake, you have your whole turn right now.
What would you like to do? You see somebody that you know is Ehrlich, and then there's three ghouls lined up in front of us.

Speaker 1 I want to send the magic missile. Yeah, absolutely.
If you send a magic missile at him, the nice thing about magic missile is it never misses.

Speaker 1 It doesn't deal much damage, but it's a guaranteed damage hit. Now, when you do first-level magic missile, you fire three missiles.
If you do second level, it's four missiles.

Speaker 1 If you do third level, it's five missiles. Absolutely.
You have still two

Speaker 1 third-level spell slots because it's a brand new day. So you fire off five magic missiles.
I'm going to just ask, do you have the d4 the pyramid shaped die

Speaker 1 you do not does anybody there have a d4 i've got a d4 right here absolutely if you put that one with four sides that's the one with four sides is the most dangerous to land on the floor oh you don't want to step on that one that's the tricky one there you go so your each missile deals one d4 plus one so if you just tell me what you're getting on the die and that's the number that's kind of like the same no matter which way you turn it, it's the one on top.

Speaker 1 Exactly right. I'll add the plus one and keep tallying up your rolls for you.
You just tell me what number it says on the die each time you roll. I will do it five times.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 Four. Four.
So that's five damage on the first missile.

Speaker 1 Two. Two.
So that's three damage on the second missile.

Speaker 1 One. That's two damage on the third missile.

Speaker 1 Two. Two.
That's three damage on the fourth missile.

Speaker 1 Four. Yes.
Four. So five damage.
Good roll. Ten, sixteen,

Speaker 1 damage. 18 damage.
Ehrlich, your hit points are what? When you start out in the day? At the top of your sheet of swords. Don't lie.

Speaker 1 38. 38.
So at 38, you are down to 20 out of 38 hit points left after Cake's action. He has fired a volley at you, and that's your action.

Speaker 1 You can't do any other spells, but you have a bonus action and move just in case you want to do any shenanigans.

Speaker 1 Similar to what Wayne the Bard did. Can I keep going after him? You can't do any more attacks.
I'll just hear what you said.

Speaker 1 No more spells or anything. But if there's anything you want to spend your move doing, either running around, that's something you can do, but you've got ghouls kind of blocking the way.

Speaker 1 Can you poop on them? You can get over them.

Speaker 1 You can definitely poop and throw the poop potentially. I would allow that.

Speaker 1 Can we make him drink our piss in real life?

Speaker 1 I don't have control over that. I don't think.
The first person to die has to drink the piss. Yeah, steal.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm actually pretty close.

Speaker 1 Can I heal you?

Speaker 1 Heal.

Speaker 1 Can I try helping him up, but everyone thinks you're stepping over him?

Speaker 1 Say that again?

Speaker 1 Trying to help him up? Try to help who up? Ehrlich? Yeah. Absolutely.
He hasn't fallen to the ground necessarily. You want to go over and like help him in what capacity?

Speaker 1 He wants to step over him.

Speaker 1 He wants to just dominate him physically. Oh, oh, okay, got it.
You'll have to get past the ghouls to do that. Do you have a good way to get past the ghouls?

Speaker 1 I would let you try to jump over them, but that's a minus one skill to try to jump. I can still do it.
Okay. You know what? I'll let you jump and try to weave around them with your dexterity.

Speaker 1 That's at least a plus three. So go ahead and roll a D20 plus three to see if you can get around the ghouls quickly.

Speaker 1 11. 11 plus 3, so 14 is going to be enough that you're going to squeeze around one of the ghouls, but two of them are going to get attacks against you as you're running away past them.

Speaker 1 Are you okay with that? Or are you you going to stop where you are? Okay.

Speaker 1 So two ghouls each try to swipe a claw at you.

Speaker 1 One of them hits, one of them misses. And so with their claw, they are going to roll seven plus two, nine points of damage.

Speaker 1 So cake, you now have nine points of damage against you as you get swiped by a claw. And I will just tell you an odd detail that you can roll an Arcana or History Check on if you want.

Speaker 1 The paralysis of the ghoul claws doesn't affect you at all. No saving throw necessary.
You're fine.

Speaker 1 You can roll a d20 if you want to know why, but otherwise, you are able to run right up to Ehrlich and just stand right in front of him.

Speaker 1 In fact, I'll let you try to push him over if that's what you want to do, so you can stand over him.

Speaker 1 Go ahead and roll an athletics check, but unfortunately, you definitely have a minus one for pushing people over, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 Five. Five.

Speaker 1 Minus one, so four. Ehrlich, just roll a d20 and try to beat a four.

Speaker 1 Three. Three.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You get to add your strength or dexterity, and I know your dexterity is plus two. Bailed out.
You would suck up.

Speaker 1 Just barely be avoiding getting pushed over, but you're standing over him because even his illusory form is shorter than Cake the Wizard, who is an elf, would be.

Speaker 1 And you know that actual Ehrlich is a gnome, even shorter than that, so you're standing head and shoulders above him looking down upon him. But you give him a shove, and he does not get knocked over.

Speaker 1 Did you roll a check to just see why you are immune to the paralysis, or are you not worried about that really I'm not worried about that absolutely that would bring us to Ehrlich's turn next

Speaker 1 great what would you like to do then I would love to cast a spell to absolutely what spell would you like to cast the hellish rebuke yes okay so hellish rebuke would have been a reaction that you already did when it wasn't your turn you get to do this for free as a reaction the moment he hit you with the first missile you just give him a middle finger fuck you your eyes start to burn and cake the wizard burst into into flames.

Speaker 1 DD ring, then you're gonna get to do still your whole turn after this. I will allow you to retcon a hellish rebuke on this.
Great. Cake, please make a dexterity saving throw.

Speaker 1 You have a d20 plus three.

Speaker 1 I thought I assumed burst into flames is like dead. He is bursting into flames and is gonna have to avoid a lot of damage, but he gets to roll a saving throw to avoid half of it.

Speaker 1 But that's the best he can do is take half damage on this. So a d20 plus three, and you've got to beat a 15 against it.

Speaker 1 Oi

Speaker 1 19! Yes, Jake!

Speaker 1 Yes!

Speaker 1 Best one here! That's great for you. That'll be a half damage for you, Ehrlich.
But I'm happy to report: the damage at first level would have been 2d10. But you only cast your spells at third level.

Speaker 1 Warlocks do not have a power valve. You're always casting at your best spell level.
That means it's an extra 1d10 for each level after that. That's 4d10 damage in all.

Speaker 1 So the d10 looks like this, and you can even take these if you want to just roll this all together.

Speaker 1 Those are both D10s.

Speaker 1 Go ahead and roll four D10s, and Cake the Wizard will take half of that.

Speaker 1 Three. Three so far.
Two.

Speaker 1 Is the line on the bottom or top? The line's on the bottom. Six.
Six.

Speaker 1 Fucking one.

Speaker 1 One.

Speaker 1 Fucking one.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, all right. That's a good one.

Speaker 1 a big one. Four total rolls.
That's tough. That's only 11, so Cake is only getting five points of damage.
I'm sorry to say for the Hellish Rebuke. Damage control.
And then that'll bring him up to 14

Speaker 1 points of damage. Oh, we always round down no matter who it is,

Speaker 1 for what it's worth.

Speaker 1 So 14 damage against Cake total is Cake. What's your total hit points? 27.
27. So at this point, you are just barely bloodied.
You're halfway down now.

Speaker 1 And I'm sorry to say for you that Ehrlich, that was your reaction. You still have your whole turn now.

Speaker 1 So that was something that happened earlier on Cake's turn. Then I would like to cast another spell, please.
Yes, what spell would you have? The Eldritch Blast. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Eldritch Blast is great when you are at a distance with somebody. When you're firing when you're right next to somebody,

Speaker 1 you're firing at a Jake. Oh, interesting.
Okay, that, well, sorry, Cake is right next to you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the problem is that whenever you fire with somebody right next to you, even if you're firing at somebody else here to be fair because they're up in your grill it's like trying to use a bow when they're right next to you you would get disadvantaged so you're more likely to miss do you want to ask about any of your other spells that might not have to deal with that potentially uh fireball fireball you could launch into this room and if you launch into this room you could hit cake and i don't want to i'm not worried about cake i want i want Norm.

Speaker 1 You want norm? Okay, interesting. That's right, bitch.

Speaker 1 If you fire a fireball into this room, you can hit Norm, and he'll have no chance to make a saving throw against your fireball because he is paralyzed.

Speaker 1 In fact, you will just get hit by it automatically for full damage. But your fireball will automatically also hit Greg

Speaker 1 and Wayne. That's all right.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Now you're hitting them. I'm going to ask, do you also want to hit the ghouls too? I'm not really worried about the ghouls at this point.
I guess you guys might as well just take a look. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I mean, they seem like they are hungry to go after anybody who is alive.

Speaker 1 And since you are looking to hit the ghouls, I will just ask, if you put it close enough in the room, you can hit the ghouls, your former teammates, and Cake, who's right in front of you, without hitting yourself.

Speaker 1 That's fantastic.

Speaker 1 Let's do that. So I am going to need everybody here to make dexterity saving throws, and you got to get a 15 or higher.
on this. I do.

Speaker 1 You do not need to. You're the one person.

Speaker 1 Please stop it. 18 is is enough.

Speaker 1 90. You actually have advantage.
Oh, sorry, Norm, I forgot. You would have advantage on this, but he's paralyzed.
I'm paralyzed at the moment. Sorry.
The 18 is wasted on that. Oh,

Speaker 1 I got a 15. Do I have any bonuses? 15 would already be enough without your bonuses.
I just want to run up the score on it. You have like a plus three on this at least.
You are doing

Speaker 1 the high step away from the fireball. Yeah, you are going to take half of the fireball damage.
13. 13 is not quite enough, I am sorry to say.
You're going to be taking full fireball damage, Greg.

Speaker 1 And Cake, you have a plus three on this. 10.
10 plus 3, also at 13. Not quite enough.
You're going to take the full fireball damage. The dunker keeps getting away with everything.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to roll for the three ghouls.

Speaker 1 Ooh, I'm sorry to say. Both of the ghouls so far have passed.

Speaker 1 And the last ghoul just barely might make it.

Speaker 1 No, just barely is failing. So

Speaker 1 the first ghoul, ghoul number one, is going to take the full damage.

Speaker 1 ghouls two and three are gonna take half damage and to calculate your damage you get to roll d6s but fireball they say is one of the best spells you deal eight

Speaker 1 d6

Speaker 1 fire damage

Speaker 1 so let's start gathering up your d6s

Speaker 1 how much did you pay him hank if you would like to use my fancy

Speaker 1 so if he gets how much can i take like how much damage let's set this up he can kill me with how many points 15 is enough to knock you down to zero hit points.

Speaker 1 But you don't die when you go down to zero hit points. You die if you go down to zero hit points and then, like, fail saving throws to bleed out.

Speaker 1 Or if he deals 15 damage plus another 55. So he would have to deal, to kill you with massive damage, you would need to deal 70 damage.
Okay, so anyway, otherwise, you have a chance. Eight rolls?

Speaker 1 Eight rolls? You get eight rolls. So max 48.
He can't. Okay.

Speaker 1 Now, if you want to use my handy-dandy dice roller right here, just to do this the easy way where we don't have to do any math, just hit that

Speaker 1 probably good idea. Eight times, and it will add it up for you.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I trust the machine. I don't trust your throw.
It's totally fair. Some people only believe in their dice.
Alright, I'll do half and half. Okay.

Speaker 1 It completely defeats the purpose of using the calculator. Or either.
One plus six plus three is ten. Okay, so

Speaker 1 far you've done three of them. You can do one more if you want to do half.

Speaker 1 Six. So 16 is what you've rolled so far.
And what did I need to kill him?

Speaker 1 You've already knocked out Norm so far successfully. You need 70 to kill him.

Speaker 1 Three? Okay, so 19 so far.

Speaker 1 One. One.
So 20, and you get two more rolls. Two.
22.

Speaker 1 Four. Four.
So 26 is the total damage for your fireball. Well done.
Now, that means that Norm, you take 26 fire damage. You are down to zero hit points left at the moment, I'm sorry to say.

Speaker 1 Then, Wayne, you... Why is I not dead?

Speaker 1 You're unconscious on the ground now. You will start on your next turn making saving throws, and if you get a one, you might die.

Speaker 1 If you get a 20, you get back up, and you get a second wind, and you're like, I'm not down yet.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 the people who pass the saving throw, Wayne, you only take 13 points of damage. So Wayne, you're at 13, and then the rest of us, Cake, you you took 26 damage

Speaker 1 to knock you out. Oh, let's go.
I got two knocks. So Cake is down.
I'm 1v4 on these fuckers. He's down and you take the 26 damage, but Greg, how are you doing hit point-wise? I have 44.

Speaker 1 Greg has taken 26, but still would have 44, so you have some hit points left right now. One of the 1v4, you guys.
And Ehrlich, that was your fireball. You still can do that one more time.

Speaker 1 Good magic, but not this turn. You can't do it this turn.
So next turn, I'm just giving them a fair warning.

Speaker 1 You have two spells you can do, and then you're just out of juice, except for your eldritch blast and other minor spells. But you just use one of your most powerful spells.

Speaker 1 You can do that again next turn if you need to. But the others are all going to get their turns now.
So Ehrlich, that is the end of your turn and the beginning of Greg's turn next.

Speaker 1 Greg, what would you like to do? Are these ghouls considered undead or fiends? They absolutely are undead. Yes, that is exactly what they are.
Can I speak to them with a turn of the unholy? Ooh, okay.

Speaker 1 If you want to do turn undead, that's where you hold up your holy symbol and go, back, back, foul beasts, and they just get scared and run away if they fail their saving throw.

Speaker 1 If you want to talk to them, that's a different thing, but I'd allow you to try to do it because you're a paladin and you can threaten them with your holy symbol. Okay.

Speaker 1 I would like to talk to them. Absolutely.
What are you hoping to say to them? I want to tell them I'm disappointed in them. Because Bane would have wanted them to finish the job on Norm.
No!

Speaker 1 Chaos is what my God wants.

Speaker 1 I was inspired by Uldrick, who committed evil acts, and I was envious. Save me.
Interesting. So you're encouraging them to go after Norm, and they hear the words of your dark god in their mind.
He

Speaker 1 loves this, honestly. I gotta admit, Bane is a lawful evil guy.
Sounds like you're more like the Joker. That would be Sirik, the chaotic evil god of madness

Speaker 1 and destruction. And his classic move would be to pretend to be Bane.
And so it's kind of like perfect for you. Like, you guys thought I was a cleric of Bane.
I'm a cleric of Syric. Let's go.

Speaker 1 And you are going to get to roll. I'm going to say either persuasion or religion.
Whichever's better against these ghouls. My religion is...
Oh, my persuasion's plus six. Plus six.

Speaker 1 I'm going to tell you that while these ghouls were not raised by clerics of Syrik, it's close enough that suddenly you find that they are very interested in what you're saying.

Speaker 1 You get to roll with advantage. You can roll 2d20s and take the higher number.

Speaker 1 9. Nine will be okay.

Speaker 1 And with a critical hit. You are absolutely seeing the ghouls suddenly look at you with reverence.
They will never attack you, Greg. They will instead follow whatever orders you give them.

Speaker 1 And sorry, I'm so sorry. I hadn't applied the ghoul ghoul damage from the fireball.

Speaker 1 Half these ghouls, or sorry, one of these ghouls is injured badly, but the other two who had taken 20, oh no, two had, hmm, two, one had passed and two had failed. So two of them are dead.

Speaker 1 It would be one ghoul who is turning to you and following your orders. The other two just got blown up by fireballs.

Speaker 1 And so there's one ghoul turning to look at you reverently and getting ready to go down and eat Noor on his next turn. That'll do.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Now, I'm gonna say that could have been your bonus to encourage me to do that. Anything with a move or an action that you wanna do? I would like to heal myself.
Yes, you absolutely can.

Speaker 1 Now, if you use 25 points of healing, that'll reduce the damage you've taken down to just one point left. Do you want to use the whole kitten caboodle upon yourself? Let's use half on me.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And half on Ulrich.

Speaker 1 The problem is you need to be touching. Yeah.
Let's use it all on me. Okay, absolutely.
So, Ehrlich, is it Ehrlich or Ulrich? I just want to make sure I get it. It's Ehrlich.
Ehrlich.

Speaker 1 You don't even know his name.

Speaker 1 Greg, you've now got only one point of damage as Cyric restores all of your hit points to you. Love that for you.
And you have your move. Love that for you.

Speaker 1 And if you want to, you could use your move to get right next to Ehrlich or you could move somewhere else. There's one door kind of leading out of here.

Speaker 1 You want to pinch Cake's ass while he's knocked out. You go over, he pinches ass while he's knocked out.
Well done, Cake. Or sorry, Greg.
And that would bring us to Norm's turn next.

Speaker 1 Norm, the good news is

Speaker 1 you're not paralyzed anymore. The bad news is you're unconscious.
And so please roll a D20. And if you get a 20, you're waking up.

Speaker 1 But if you get a 10 or less, you're slipping close, or a 9 or less, you're slipping closer to death. With an 11, that means, Norm, you are closer to stabilizing.

Speaker 1 You're not any closer to waking up, but you're closer to not bleeding to death. If you can get three times in a row, a 10 or higher, then you stabilize and stop bleeding.

Speaker 1 But you only roll your next roll.

Speaker 1 The next roll will come on your next turn. Oh, motherfucker.
So it's only if you're not. Hank got nine turns and big cat gets one roll? One.
One.

Speaker 1 Hank got a reaction from his previous turn and then one

Speaker 1 roll here.

Speaker 1 And that will bring us to the ghouls next. And the ghoul wants to turn to attack more.

Speaker 1 Badly.

Speaker 1 Okay, so here's the problem. What you just got is one success.
I got a death safety.

Speaker 1 Well, I didn't count that one.

Speaker 1 So you got one success so far, and if this ghoul hits you while you're down on the ground, he inflicts one failure.

Speaker 1 Actually, he would inflict two failures. And if you get three failures, then you are dead.
Just kill me.

Speaker 1 Twice, you are dead. Just kill me.

Speaker 1 Big cat, out of game. Thanks for inviting me on.
Yeah, fuck. The ghoul claws at Norm the Barbarian, inflicting not one, but two failures as he tears at the flesh.

Speaker 1 And at this point, you know, Greg, if the ghoul goes down to bite and hits Norm, Norm is officially dead.

Speaker 1 I tell him to proceed. Proceed.
I will let you then roll for this ghoul because he's prone and unconscious. You get to roll two d20s.
It wasn't you to keep him alive.

Speaker 1 As long as he gets a nine or higher on one, a ten or higher on one of these rolls, then you have killed norm

Speaker 1 norm the jaws of the ghoul close down upon your face and tear your face off norm the barbarian is slain right now

Speaker 1 right now he said right now under the encouragement of greg now i think we'll recall that uh in dnd there are ways to come back from the dead some of them are both undertaker gifts absolutely yes and i gave all the worst options to the characters who had to come back from the dead previously.

Speaker 1 But there are some better options for coming back from the dead than the ones I gave, say, Berserker Billy, for example. We don't say his name right now.
No, certainly. He who shall not be named.

Speaker 1 He who shall not be named

Speaker 1 got the short shaft on that, and you might be able to find some better ways, or in this case, your teammates might be able to find better ways to bring you back from the dead.

Speaker 1 The ghoul's turn is now done, and Wayne would be up next. Wayne, you are not unconscious because you've only taken 13 damage from a family.
Yeah, I'm feeling good. Absolutely.
it. So Big Cat's my guy.

Speaker 1 Norm's my guy. We ride together with the rest of these clowns.
I don't give a shit. I'm going to use hypnotic pattern.
Absolutely. Jay's unconscious.
You could shut up, Hank. It's my turn.

Speaker 1 It's my turn. I'm just saying.
Shut up, Ehrlich. If you really don't care.

Speaker 1 I want to put hypnotic pattern on these two, Greg, Ehrlich, and the remaining ghoul.

Speaker 1 And I want to convince them like limmings to run off that ledge into the black pit. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Now, hypnotic pattern will allow you to make them stunned so they're staring like at whatever kaleidoscopic image you have created. It won't allow you to tell them to move.

Speaker 1 That would be charm person would convince them to move in a particular direction if you want to use, if you have that spell. Otherwise, you can hypnotize them and then just push them into pits.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what I want to do. I want to hypnotize them and then toss them into the black pit with the monster.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Now, I will also let you make, if you have the religion skill or the history skill, I do.

Speaker 1 You have one of those, Go ahead and roll that just to see if you know an important fact that is relevant to what you are trying to do. Okay, I have history plus four.
So I roll the d20. There you go.

Speaker 1 D20 plus four.

Speaker 1 Six. Six plus four is a 10.
That's just enough to know. Undead.
Oh, wait, there's no, there's no line on it. Oh, there's no.
Oh, no, there's the dots on the bottom, so that's a nine.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, even better. With a nine plus,

Speaker 1 you said four. So 13 is definitely enough to know.
Undead, you can confirm this. You don't just suspect.

Speaker 1 A ghoul is a kind of undead that cannot be charmed so the undead will not get charmed okay i'll worry about currently just still following the orders of greg but if you charm greg the ghoul won't do anything it'll just be like master master like pawing at him essentially so you are trying to hypnotize the two of them is that right yep i'm just confirming that it affects only the people that you want

Speaker 1 Oh, well, you're not worried about it because the only people that you're worried about who would get caught in the crossfire are unconscious, currently.

Speaker 1 So luckily for you, you're avoiding it and you are hitting these two quite effectively then. Sure.
These two would have been charmed, but instead they're just unconscious.

Speaker 1 So go ahead and I'm going to need the two of you, Ehrlich and Greg, to roll wisdom saving. I feel like he had to disclose that he had that.
That's like an STD of some sort. He has to tell me.

Speaker 1 I'm going to deal with it. Whoops.
Surprised myself. You went against the family, Greg.
Oh, jeez. Pay the front wind.

Speaker 1 This is going to hurt you in.

Speaker 1 This will hurt my career. Yeah, this is going to hurt you in fake life and real life you'll be plus five on this

Speaker 1 ten plus five and the number that you needed was a 15 or half

Speaker 1 hypnotic pattern what about you Ehrlich you bitch

Speaker 1 I'm sure if we kill Ehrlich we get Greg back true that would be a 14

Speaker 1 14 natural on the die yeah and what's your um oh you have at least a plus one, I'm pretty sure. Let me just check Warlocks.
You're probably probably gonna have enough.

Speaker 1 Are you trained against this particular?

Speaker 1 You are, yes, you have a plus three, at least from your training. And so you are also passing the saving throw.
Okay, good try, though, PFT. You create this swirling hypnotic pattern.

Speaker 1 And unfortunately, Wayne, you do not see them falling under the control of the hypnotic pattern. It's a cool spell, though.
Don't, don't, don't, don't get upset with yourself.

Speaker 1 Now you have a move and you have a bonus. Just being able to do it's cool.
You got a move and a bonus. That's a bonus.
The bonus can be used to inspire somebody if you want to inspire me.

Speaker 1 You need to inspire yourself probably. Can I inspire them back to life? Hit your shots next time.

Speaker 1 Well, you could have given an inspiration to him while he was unconscious, I would have said, but now he's not making any dice rolls. Norm is dead.
You can give inspiration to

Speaker 1 Cake, and that would maybe be helpful for Cake for not bleeding out, I would say. Can I inspire them to kill themselves? Oh, yeah, because Cake's also unconscious right now.
It's just you versus us.

Speaker 1 Can I inspire them against him? Can I tweet at Hank like KYS?

Speaker 1 You can. Can I make him want inspiration, but it wouldn't automatically control him.
A charm person, say, would do that.

Speaker 1 It would only give him advantage for whatever he wants to do. You could tell him, hey, listen, I'll give you inspiration if you stop fighting me or something like that.

Speaker 1 I mean, wait, look at the look at the. It's

Speaker 1 we're alive. Joy's dead.
Jake's unconscious. We'll let you kill Cake.
I saved his life.

Speaker 1 You're dead. I saved his life before I died.
Does that matter now that you're dead?

Speaker 1 This is nut cutting time right now.

Speaker 1 Do I want to be on the side of winners?

Speaker 1 Just fucking take him to the bottom. Tough call.
I want to fuck him up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go down swinging. Yeah.
No attacks left. Yes.
You can inspire somebody. I mean, that's all you can join us.
I would let you inspire yourself, but it's not going to do much on this turn.

Speaker 1 Inspire Jake to be alive. Yeah, can I? I'd like to inspire Jake to be alive.
If you inspire Jake and to go after Ehrlich particularly. All right.
Then in that case, Cake's next turn...

Speaker 1 Yeah, perfect. Cake is up next.
So that's the end of your turn. Then you inspire Cake as your bonus action.

Speaker 1 You have your move if you want to move further away from these two or closer to them, whichever you want to do.

Speaker 1 I want to move closer to Norm so I can bring him back to life. Absolutely.
You're right next to Norm right now.

Speaker 1 I'm going to protect his body like a dog when their owner passes work. Absolutely.
You're over his body right now.

Speaker 1 And then in that case, Cake, when your turn comes up, you get to roll the D20 to see if you wake up.

Speaker 1 If you get a 10 or higher, you're closer to stabilizing, which didn't do Norm very much good, unfortunately. But if you get a critical hit, a 20, you're supposed to wake up.

Speaker 1 And I will say, what I'm going to apply right now is that if you get a 20 or higher with the D8 of inspiration added,

Speaker 1 then you still wake up, even if it's not a critical hit on the die. So if you roll the D20, as long as you get a 12 or higher, you still have a chance of with the inspiration waking yourself up.

Speaker 1 This is the best thing. And if you do, you get to do a whole turn.
And guess who else has fireball, by the way? Let's go, Jake. Let's go.
Come on, Page. I need a 12.
Come on.

Speaker 1 I need a 12 or higher on this. The higher you roll, the better it is.
All right, here we go.

Speaker 1 And then you need to roll something else on the D8 to confirm. Just so you know, this isn't the final roll.
This is just the setup for.

Speaker 1 Please, please, Jake.

Speaker 1 Nine.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Is not quite going to be enough. Even if you were to use the inspiration, at the best, it would just cause you to further stabilize, not wake up, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 And so, right now, Cake, do you want to use the inspiration to make yourself stable at least? Or are you okay with getting one failure right now? You'll be bleeding out a little bit.

Speaker 1 Once you get three failures, you are also dead. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 What's the best course of action here?

Speaker 1 You're getting fireballs. Save the inspiration for your next turn.
And if you get a next turn, then in theory, you will get to use the inspiration on that.

Speaker 1 And you might get a 12 on your next turn and then roll the d8 and wake up. So it's up to you whether you're going to save the inspiration or not.
This is like the departed turn.

Speaker 1 No, I'll roll the dice. Roll the dice.

Speaker 1 You're rolling the

Speaker 1 using the inspiration right now. Is that right?

Speaker 1 So what you're going to do is roll a d8. And as long as you get, well, it doesn't make a difference.
All you need is a 10 or higher.

Speaker 1 So, as long as you roll a one or higher, which you will do on that die, instead of getting a failure, you're getting one success, and you're less likely to maybe just outright die on your next turn.

Speaker 1 Because you're definitely not waking up. Good turn, Jake.

Speaker 1 You got a six. Okay, yeah, there you go.
Six. There you go.
Six plus the nine got you to 15. A 15 is enough to further stabilize you.

Speaker 1 So you get one success of your three successes to stabilize, zero failures towards dying on your turn. And I'm sorry to say for the rest of us, that will bring us to Ehrlich's turn next.

Speaker 1 Ehrlich, Lola didn't do anything on her last turn, so Lola could be anywhere right now, and you get your whole turn also.

Speaker 1 Also, you can

Speaker 1 just launch it for money or for ratings. I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 I just saw it myself.

Speaker 1 Like, I think, I don't know, I don't know if this affects Greg, but even if it does, like, I kind of just want to just end the game and just fireball and go on my way with the map and, you know do my thing you absolutely can what the fuck but since you mentioned

Speaker 1 i hope it doesn't affect you

Speaker 1 you can just not do it

Speaker 1 greg will get hit i'm sorry to say definitely will uh but uh critical damage you can launch we'll see what roll he gets uh but uh i will say this it's worth noting you were saying i'm gonna take the map and go at the end of this adventure can we just get a confirmation who took the map off of gundren's belt was it you Ehrlich Oh, wait, it was you, I think.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay, damn. I thought I had you there.
I think you did take

Speaker 1 it.

Speaker 1 Well done. You have the map.
Thank you. True warlock move.
My compliments. You absolutely were just like, oh, I'll hold on to this.
No one noticed that you had the scroll the whole time.

Speaker 1 And now you have everything you need to do this adventure alone, Ehrlich. Are you launching a fireball into this room right now? Absolutely am, Tim.

Speaker 1 In that case, Cake does not get a saving throw against this. Cake, you immediately get not one because it's not a melee attack.
Melee attacks would do two failures.

Speaker 1 When the fireball goes off, it deals one failure to you. You're not technically dead, but you are very unconscious at this point.
But you don't get any saving throw there. Then, Norm is already dead.

Speaker 1 I'm going to need Wayne to make a dexterity saving throw and Greg to make a dexterity saving throw. You have at least a plus three on this, and

Speaker 1 unfortunately, Greg, you have a minus one. Yeah.

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Speaker 1 15 or higher. I got a 16.
16.

Speaker 1 Success.

Speaker 1 Not success, unfortunately. Am I rolling or no, my

Speaker 1 dead? Would you, you are dead, unfortunately. So no hip points to speak of.
Would have been an eight, absolutely. And then the Blast of the Ghouls

Speaker 1 actually passed its saving throw. That's good.
The ghouls are good. Still has, it had taken 13 damage already.
Still has nine hit points left, that ghoul.

Speaker 1 And is probably going to get incinerated even with a past saving throw. So, would you like to use the dice roller or your dice to roll? Let's do it.
Let's do. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Let's go all rolls this time. Wait, Tim, didn't you say earlier at the start of the show that when Hank does his fireball, he's liable to hit himself sometimes.

Speaker 1 No, that was the fucking Eldritz Blast, dude. Keep up.
The Eldritch Blast money gets disadvantaged. No, when you were saying, like,

Speaker 1 comparing Hank's abilities to Cake's abilities, he's less accurate with his and he couldn't hit himself. It's true, he can't spell shape to avoid people who are in the fireball squares.

Speaker 1 But what he can always do is just fire a fireball far enough in that he's outside of the range of it. So that's in theory what you did last time and what you could do this time.

Speaker 1 You can use the dice roller here, no problem, to just roll eight D6s, the cube-shaped dice.

Speaker 1 And it will add up all those for you. It'll also tell you in the top right moment.
Boo. Two.
Boo. Four.

Speaker 1 Four.

Speaker 1 Three.

Speaker 1 Well, how many? I'm assuming it's going to add it up for you, and it would be eight in all. Six? Hey, can't you add with a computer? 32.

Speaker 1 32 in all, and is that all? That's all the D8s. So 32 is going to be for the paladin uh you greg had one point of damage on you when we last saw you you now have 33 damage does that take you down

Speaker 1 33 no it does not absolutely greg you're still with a running

Speaker 1 ghoul

Speaker 1 you have absolutely you have 10 left in that case the ghoul i'm sorry to say does go down looking at you sadly he's a good soldier absolutely a good soldier and then Ehrlich you had passed sorry uh Wayne, you had passed your saving throw.

Speaker 1 So you're only going to be getting 16 points of damage. And you had 13 already on you.
So that's going to bring you up to 29 damage. How many hit points do you normally have? 38.
38.

Speaker 1 So you have to get it. That saving throw fucking saved you.
It really did absolutely save you. And so, Ehrlich, that was your action.
You have no spells

Speaker 1 at all left except for your eldritch blast and mage hand and other cantrips. You should kill me when you had the chance, bitch.
Yep. Would you like to do anything with your move or your bonus?

Speaker 1 I don't regret that. You could run further away from them.
I'll hex PFT. I'll hex Wayne.
I'll allow it. Yeah, you're hexed now.
Of course. Of course.
You get to pick a ability score to hex.

Speaker 1 Do you pick his strength, his dexterity, his constitution, his intelligence, wisdom, or charisma?

Speaker 1 Let's go strength. Strength, absolutely.
Your strength is now hexed. You have been given a hex of weakness.

Speaker 1 Wayne. God, he's got like 17 turns.
And that is the end of Ehrlich's turn then. Unless you're doing any moving.
Unless you're moving further away from them. No, I'm good.
Okay, absolutely.

Speaker 1 And then, Greg, that brings us to you next. What would you like to do? That might be the last turn.
Yeah. I'd like to desecrate Norm's corpse.
I don't want him to come back to life. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I mean, we could take out Wayne and just get out of here.

Speaker 1 Or we could take out Ehrlich. He's weak.

Speaker 1 How much health do do they each have? Dude, he has like Erlich. Ehrlich just tried to turn on you a second.
I have died.

Speaker 1 I knew the fireball. I knew it was going to hit me.
Yes. I knew you weren't going to die.
Yes. I would like to divine smite Ehrlich.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. For purposes of divine smite.
I would say Ehrlich counts as a fiend, and so I will let you make an attack against Ehrlich right now. And that is with your longsword, a D20 plus 6 to hit him.

Speaker 1 Get his ass. Come on, Nick.

Speaker 1 He's fucking... He will turn on you so fast.
13.

Speaker 1 13 plus 6 is a 19, a solid hit against Ehrlich. And I would like to know, you have first.

Speaker 1 I think you only have, let's just see, first level spell slots.

Speaker 1 You have second level spell slots. Would you like to use a first-level smite or a second-level smite? Which one hurts him more? Second-level smite.
I think that's what I'll do. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 So first roll the longsword damage. I have to think about the long game.

Speaker 1 Ehrlich, are you at full hit points right now or what hit points? No, he isn't. No, I took some damage.
Yes, big time. That's right.
You're at 20 out of 38 right now, Ehrlich, I believe. Yep.

Speaker 1 So, how'd you do on that first roll? Or that was it? That was it right there.

Speaker 1 He's only done one roll. It was a one.
Yeah, one roll. No, but you rolled twice.
You're going to roll a lot more. You're going to roll a lot more.
Okay, yeah, keep going.

Speaker 1 This was what your normal sword would have done: four damage so far against Ehrlich. But then with your smite, a second-level smite normally deals not one, not two, but three d8.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 If the target's not a demon, if the target's a demon, it's 4d8. Would you like to use the dice roller on that? Yes.
I would, yes. Absolutely.
Go ahead and roll four d8s. Seven.
Nice. Four,

Speaker 1 two,

Speaker 1 seven.

Speaker 1 20 more damage. That's 20.
He's dead. Well, that's the exact right amount of damage to kill Hank.
44 damage is enough to take down Ehrlich.

Speaker 1 Yes! Yes!

Speaker 1 Well done!

Speaker 1 Welcome to the afterlife! Ehrlich drops down to zero. You hit me with a fireball.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I knew you were going to live.

Speaker 1 No, you didn't. I had to take the risk.
No, you didn't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I did. It was one versus four.

Speaker 1 The two of them were down.

Speaker 1 Now, Greg, it's just you and Wayne standing left. Your other teammates are either dead or bleeding out right now.
We'll just get out of here and go back to the bar.

Speaker 1 And I will just ask, since this may be our final turn, you can keep moving, and as a paladin at level five, you get two attacks with your action, and you've only used one.

Speaker 1 I'd like to second attack, Tim. Who would you like to use it against? There's a door in the north of the room.

Speaker 1 You can die. I don't see it.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. There's no ghouls to target.
Of course, Nick's going to win. Wayne's looking around at who you might be going after.
What would you like to do? I would like to attack Wayne. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do it. Are you going to use a divine smite against him? Why would I not? Absolutely.
Why would you not at this point? Go ahead and roll a d20 plus six.

Speaker 1 You need to get a 15 or higher to hit the bar. Fuck seven.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Plus six.
That's only a 13 against the bar. We should just get out of here.

Speaker 1 We should just split, right?

Speaker 1 Norm is dead. The ghouls are dead.
Wayne's turn would be next. We just want to see what Wayne does.

Speaker 1 Do I have weakened strength right now? You do have weakened strengths. However, nothing you do except athletic skills depends on strength.

Speaker 1 Your weapons depend on your dexterity and your magic depends on your charisma.

Speaker 1 So while you might be in trouble if somebody tries to push you right now, that's the only thing you'd be in trouble about. Okay.

Speaker 1 They could have tried to tackle you and that would have been very effective. But instead, you easily dodge the sword swipe and you can do whatever you want on your turn.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I kind of want to just get out of there and leave Nick to kill all my friends. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I want to go home.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 If you want to make a run for it, I would just make sure you're not using any spells like Misty Step would be a spell for getting out of here quicker, or if you have some other spell that you think would get you out of here.

Speaker 1 Let's see. I've got...

Speaker 1 You got to try to kill him. You have to try to kill him.
I don't have any good things to hit him with. Just hit him with your best shot.
I've got Thunder Wave. 10 hit points left.

Speaker 1 Thunder Wave at third level could do the job. Oh, come on.
Okay, then I'm going to go Thunder Wave. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 You have him right next to you because he just charged up into melee with you. To be fair, if you ran away from him without a Misty step or something, he gets a free attack as you're running away.

Speaker 1 So instead, you turn to him. What does it look like as you blast him with a wave of force? You fart.
Of course, you never turn around. You just in his direction.

Speaker 1 As that fart blasts you, I am going to need you, Greg, to make a constitution saving throw. You have a plus two on this.
If you can get a 15 or higher, you only take half damage.

Speaker 1 It's an 11. It's an 11.
It's not enough, even with the plus two.

Speaker 1 And so you would be dealing four D8s worth of damage. If you would like to take the dice roller, that is the number in the middle, right? Or the dice in the middle, right there.

Speaker 1 I do four.

Speaker 1 You have to roll four of the d8s.

Speaker 1 First one was an eight. Eight is already a great start.
He's got two hit points left, that means. Second one is a four.
Four is already doing the trick. Three.
Three.

Speaker 1 Six. Run it up.

Speaker 1 The Paladin Greg, follower of Sirik, is knocked unconscious. Yes.
And you are the last one standing, Wayne. Is there anything else you would like to do on your turn?

Speaker 1 I'd like to just, I'd like to piss all over everybody.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. That is not what I wanted to hear, Tim.

Speaker 1 Everyone. And there are some people making saving throws.
They may live or die. They're going to get pissed on.
They're getting pissed on no matter what. Pass it around.

Speaker 1 That's so exactly the case.

Speaker 1 And that is where we would finish up our game for today, then.

Speaker 1 Well done, everyone. Tim, now we get to do one thing with you.
You have to, we're going to end the show here. So you have to pick a number.

Speaker 1 Everyone else pick their numbers.

Speaker 1 Because this will be the end of the show. So one through a hundred.
I'll put this back in here. Hank's never won this, by the way.
Hank's never won this. So, do I have to guess a number in advance?

Speaker 1 Yep. Okay.

Speaker 1 What's your number? 42.

Speaker 1 42. All right, I'm 26.
76.

Speaker 1 27. 60.

Speaker 1 Hank, you said 66? 62. 66 for me.
75 for me.

Speaker 1 What was it? 42, Tim? 42 is mine.

Speaker 1 48.

Speaker 1 So, with that, you are dead, Tim. No,

Speaker 1 I've been slain.

Speaker 1 I die.

Speaker 1 All right, thank you, Tim. You're the best.
Absolutely my pleasure. Great to be back.
Love you guys. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Don't give away,

Speaker 1 I'm the one.

Speaker 1 Say I'm staying anyway.

Speaker 1 Today's a muffled

Speaker 1 shy way.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for your love of me.

Speaker 1 Shy way.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for your love of me.

Speaker 1 I used to say,

Speaker 1 I won't say it. But he's a little way.

Speaker 1 Serving the

Speaker 1 game. Stay after me.

Speaker 1 Listen, thanks, you can say

Speaker 1 Without you, I was silhouette.

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 drink my spirit,

Speaker 1 drink on me,