Comedian Tom Segura, Crazy US Open Ending, SCF + Monday Ruling On Billy's Suspension

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On today's part in my take, we have comedian Tom Segura back in studio. Great, great time with him.
Like a perfect podcast interview because we didn't really, we interviewed him a couple months ago. We know him now and we just chopped it up, had some laughs.
He's got a new book out, which I am attempting to read. I'm already on chapter two.
He told an all-time story about finding a body. Yes.
So, yes. Yeah, that was shocking.
Shocking, shocking part of the interview. We're going to talk U.S.
Open. We're going to talk Stanley Cup.
We're going to talk who's back we also have an update on Billy which will be after Tom Segura we'll talk about that we'll finish the show with that Monday ruling we have a packed Monday show tons of sports to talk about ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has neither has Ariat. Ariat work jackets and boots are packed

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Today is Monday, June 20th. And holy shit, was that an incredible U.S.
Open. I have calmed down PFT where I can now say that was awesome.
We can also about Will Zalatoris but that was awesome golf it was great the back nine was incredible here's a fun little nugget I know that you know a lot of people are out there like hey you guys aren't real dimple heads you guys aren't real aren't real parverts but guess what we are and a lot of people forget that Matt Fitzpatrick won the 2013 amateur he did us amateur he did. He did.
Championship at Brookline. At the country club.
People are talking. I haven't heard anyone talk about that.
No one has talked about that. So, yeah.
We had all. PFT and I had a lot of money on Will Zalatoris.
I actually afterwards said that Will Zalatoris has to figure out his putting. I had some nerds, not true dimple heads, be like, bro, actually he had strokes gained of like 2.8 or something on the tournament with his putter.
I do strokes gained by vibes. He missed a big putt.
I would say he lost somewhere around $50,000 worth of strokes gained for me personally. He definitely lost upper four figs for me.
That's just my own analytics. I was very angry with Will Zalatouris' putting game.
If you want to go off vibes, I'll give you another data point for the vibes being off. He had that one short putt that he made where he did like a double clutch as he was going back for it.
Yeah, they showed – they were like – He has a pump fake in his putts. Yeah, they actually went and did like an illustrator on how bad a made putt was.
Yeah. So, yes.
It was the worst made putt of the season. And I am now financially and emotionally attached to Will Zalatoris to a level that I will bet him significantly for every major until he wins one.
And if he just becomes one of those guys that never wins one, well, my kids won't go to college. Like Phil, for example.
Yeah, who cares? Yeah, right. So I am in the same boat as you.
I also bet on him at the PGA. And I screwed that one up big time.
I love the guy. This one, I thought that had, I thought we had it made in the shade.
Once the wheels started

to come out for Scheffler, I was like, well

Fitzpatrick's not going to beat him. So

I was riding hard for him. We are, what's

his caddy's name? Billy Foster. Yeah, so I want to talk about

Billy Foster. We're the Billy Foster of

betting on Will's Al Tours. Correct.

So, like I said, I've calmed down

and I actually, the more I learn about Fitzpatrick

I like him. But

in

Fury, immediately after

I wrote down a couple notes

Let's go. And I actually, the more I learn about Fitzpatrick, I like him.
But in Fury, immediately after, I wrote down a couple notes about this tournament and Fitzpatrick that I'd like to share with you.

This is, again, this is past Big Cats.

I don't even, I've evolved as a human being in the last two hours.

This was your pre-woke period. This was my pre-woke period.

Well, the good, I mean, this first note is good that I've woken up.

Not to be xenophobic, but the U.S. Open should be won by an American.
So as far as I'm concerned, Will Zaltoros is the champion. It's not the Open.
Right. It's the U.S.
Open. Right.
The Open is, what, like next month at the old course at St. Andrews? Right.
Yeah. What is it? July 14th.
July 14th. Yeah, so that's the one that he's more than well put.
You can win that one, dude. course i yeah i'm gonna bet will's out horse but if he doesn't win him i know what i i look you know like i willingly got into trying to bet an american on european soil that was stupid it's um it's called the old course i'm wondering how old that is because like british people european people have a completely different sense of what old is to us like to us something old is like pre-war probably right to them they're like what which war yeah like the war of the roses yeah a ton of them well the fact that they call this place the country club that's kind of bad is a power movie like ohio state university i like that um all right so that was the first note the second one um not to teeth shame but i don't think you should be able to win the u.s open with braces uh he was wearing braces he had i think he has braces full braces and i'm happy that he's getting his teeth fixed like i listen again not to shame him but this is this is two hours ago big cat this past big cat have evolved from this take but in the moment the take was this is bullshit take his trophy away see either take the braces off his mouth on the 18th green and he can have the trophy or take the trophy away and give it to wills out tourists and me the money you don't need you don't need braces if you're a bajillionaire and you just won the u.s open just get new teeth you can just knock them all out yeah just get all veneers put in there people i love when people get veneers and it's like they're just bright bright white and you're like whoa yeah yeah i noticed that he didn't smile that much and that's probably why then yes so again um i'm happy he's getting this is this is past big cat and then the last one this is actually a real take that fucking 15th hole was bullshit he hits one that misses the fairway by 30 feet.
Will hits one that hits a fairway that then rolls into like the deepest grass ever. It was in like the first cut of the rough that it hit.
That was somehow deeper than anything. It was skating on top of the grass and then the place that it settled was the only deep part of that rough.
And then Fitzpatrick totally misses his shot and it lands on a trampled down area from the gallery. I think it's what you call them.
We are dimple heads. The patrons.
The patrons in the gallery had trampled it down. So he gets a perfect lie.
That hole was it. That was a two-stroke hole because he ends up getting a birdie, and Will gets a bogey, and that was it.
That was the championship. I was complaining.
Before you got in the office i was complaining to bubba for like 15 minutes and and what we're doing right now is this is a new segment of our show it's when you have when you get beaten badly in a bet right and it's called that was a fucking great bet and it should have counted correct in fact there should be something there should be an option talk to the higher ups at pen about this there should be an option where you know you get the cash out that can take before it's over. If you don't take the cash out and you lose by him missing a putt by an inch.
To a guy in braces. To a guy in braces, you should get like a dollar back on cash out.
You should be able to cash out afterwards and just be like, hey, that was a good fucking bet. Right, right.
You were on the right side. Specifically.
But, all right, so that was right after. I was very mad.
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Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Okay, here he is, Tom Segura.
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So I had one last question. It's been awesome.
So it is the Roback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com.
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Are you medium? No. I was like, good for you, dude.
No, no. I went from XL to XXL.
But not a fat piece of shit. That felt good, dude.
Yeah, yeah. You're going to be chasing that high for a long time.
That felt really good. He's like, I mean, I saw your old stuff.
I was like, wow. Yeah, good.
He's like, you look healthy. I was like, great.
Oh, yes. So go buy Tom's book.
It's called I'd Like to Play Alone, Please. Out now.
My last question was, what was your favorite chapter, right? I did love writing. My dad died right after I turned this in.
So writing the chapter about him and going back to it, that was like. Emotional, yeah.
Yeah, emotional. But also I think it was a great way to like talking about his social awkwardness, the way he would bring up combat like Vietnam at like family dinners and stuff and his obsession with his flatulence and taking shits.
Like summarizing things that made me, you know, I think about him and makes me laugh. Right.
Were those things. And then I think the story I wrote called West, which is about, like it starts off trying to be, I guess, a chapter about growing, spending a lot of time in Vero

Beach, which has like this very, the largest income gap disparity in the nation, meaning

like there's super wealthy people concentrated in one area.

And then what it's like when you go out west.

And one of the times that I did that is the time I was with my younger sister.

We're going to a friend's house.

And on the way, she points out that she saw something on the field. And then I ended up, I didn't want to turn around because it's one-way streets.
I was like, no. She's like, I swear.
We go around, go around and we see a motorcycle in this field. And I'm like, oh shit.
Because the headlight is on and it's laying on its side and we start walking around and about you know 20-30 feet away is a body so that story like telling that story and like the whole thing that happened was like it was fun because I remember it was one of those things where I remember sending in a draft and like I wanted it to work, but it wasn't working yet as a story.

And I got really good notes.

Well,

it was just something like you kind of really learn to appreciate.

And,

and by working on it,

it became a chapter that I,

I liked the most,

I think.

Wow.

How,

how quickly were you like,

when did the crash happen?

So I was figure it out.

It must've been pretty recent.

Damn.

Um,

and,

and when I went up to the guy,

I'll see you next time. When did the crash happen? So I was.
Did you figure it out? It must have been pretty recent. Damn.
And when I went up to the guy, I see him laying on the side. My sister's like freaking out.
Yeah. I get close.
And I'm super nervous. I've never been around.
So I go like, sir. Like I'm saying, I don't know what to do.
Yeah. Right.
And I like inch close with like my finger out, my index finger. And I end up just touching him on the shoulder and i when i touch him i'm like sir he goes like groans and i'm like holy shit and i all i remember like at the time no i probably say the same thing right now which is don't move right you always hear like don't move somebody yeah and in an accident I'm like don't move don't move don't move and he like starts moving and i'm like sir stop you were in an accident and then he pushes himself up he's laying down he pushes himself up and when he sits up the top of his head just flaps open oh right like fully flaps open and i'm like you know and then I just I I had already called 911 I'd run back before before I once I saw him I called 911 and then they police come ambulance and they land a helicopter and they take him out that way was he was he dead when the helicopter landed no he survived he survived yeah He survived, and then months later.
When you say he found a body, that's a real plot twist. It turns out he was alive the entire time.
What if he was one of those guys that didn't laugh at one of your funniest jokes? I wish he was dead. I wish he was dead.
I should never have called 911. They tried to get me to testify at a trial because they were trying to charge him with DUIs and a destruction of property and all this stuff.
This was months later. And you were like, fuck that? I threw it in the trash.
Good for you. Damn.
You saved his life. Yeah.
I think my sister did. Yeah.
I reluctantly participated. You were the one that- A reluctant hero.
Yeah, you poked him. Don't move.
All right. Well, Tom, thank you very, very much.
Everyone go buy the book. I mean, that story will sell the book right there.
Yeah, that's a... Holy fuck.
I can't wait to read that chapter. Thank you, guys.
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