Comedian Stavros Halkias, Celtics Going To The Finals & Joc Pederson vs Tommy Pham

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's Pardon My Take, our good friend Stavros Halkius in studio, hour-long interview, very, very funny.
If you don't know who he is, he's one of the funniest comedians out there. He's got a special coming out on Sunday.

So listen, though, it was PFT and I both. I don't know who he is.
He's one of the funniest comedians out there. He's got a special coming out on Sunday.

So listen, though, it was... PFT and I both walked away being like, that's an interview AWLs are going to love.

We're going to talk Game 7. The Celtics survive.
They're going to Golden State for Thursday night's start of the NBA Finals.

Recap of the weekend. Also on the other side of Stav, we'll talk a little hockey and the Jock Peterson, Tommy Pham feud, which might be the funniest feud that's ever happened.
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And weather whatever in Ariat work gear. Boys! Boy!

Now in the street there is violence And there's lots of work to be done

No place to hang out or wash in

And then I can't blame all on the sun

Oh no

We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's part of my take presented by Marshall Sports Welcome to part of my take presented by Visible Go to visible.com slash pod Get unlimited single line wireless for as low as $25 a month. Today is Tuesday, May 31st, the rare Tuesday PMT show and the Celtics are going to the NBA finals.
The Miami Heat are dead. Boys, we got something special to recap what a weekend what a weekend yeah the

games are awesome and congratulations hank thank you very proud of you yes and liam finally oh and bubba too you guys overcame the jake curse we thought it would never be broken we thought he was just destined to continue winning and dominating all of us for forever i'm happy i don't have to put a future on the dolphins now yeah yeah that would have been bad although i do believe in two uh yeah crazy game seven i mean we'll let you guys hop right into it i know that uh speaking to hank a little bit before the show he almost died in that last two minutes because i don't know who would have missed this game but if you missed the game the celtics were basically in control the entire game and then with three minutes left they were marcus Smart hit 2 free throws To go up 13 And he then missed His next 5 shots And the Heat hit everything And it all came down to Jimmy Butler In transition Shooting a 3 pointer With 11 seconds left To potentially send the heat to the NBA finals.

He front iron rimmed it, and your life flashed in front of your eyes,

and now the Celtics, who I think we all can agree,

were the better team in this series,

but the heat, like, up until the end,

just kept on saying we're tough as fuck,

and we're never going to give up, and they just never die.

Well, because at the end of this game was kind of like the perfect recipe, too, where it's like Jimmy Butlerler doing the thing where he's like fuck it i'm jimmy butler i'm gonna do whatever i want and then marcus smart being like i'm deputizing myself as being first team all nba the last two minutes of the game i'm the clutch player on this team i'm gonna take every shot and that was it was almost heartbreaking but i agree with you i think the better team won and i think that uh going into this file, I feel like the Celtics are a pretty tough matchup for the Warriors. Yes, we definitely got to get to that.
I actually, I'll defend Marcus Smart in those last few minutes. Every shot was open.
Like, it's one thing to take shots that are rushed or shots that are contested, but they were very clearly like, we're not going to let Jason Tatum shoot here.

We're not going to let Jalen Brown shoot.

Marcus Smart, you have open shots.

You have to take them.

He missed them, but you survived.

So, Hank, how are you feeling?

I feel good.

I mean, we haven't even talked about Friday night, obviously, at the game,

hoping for confetti.

Marcus Smart did take some shots in that game, which were like,

I didn't know what was going on. He was like isolation doesn't pass takes a crazy like step back three last night though sunday night was obviously like with a bunch of friends going crazy it was just uh it was a lot game seven's take a lot out of you the jimmy butler three i thought was going in a hundred times out of yeah that that just felt like the way it was like, oh, you know,

this game's pretty much over.

They have to hit this shot.

And then I'm like, oh, they have to get a stop.

And they got to stop.

They have to hit this shot.

It was like, this is happening.

This felt like it was all happening.

The crazy part about that Jimmy Butler shot is like,

it's not a good shot for Jimmy Butler to take it

because he's not that great of a three-point shooter.

But at the end of the game,

if it's like one guy that you would trust on that team,

if it's not Hero, who's obviously dealing with his groin,

but like Jimmy Butler, when he shoots it,

you feel like it's going in because he's a guy that loves to just,

Thank you. But at the end of the game, if it's like one guy that you would trust on that team, if it's not Hero, who's obviously dealing with his groin,

but like Jimmy Butler, when he shoots it, you feel like it's going in because he's a guy that loves to just kill people.

Right.

So that felt like that's the ultimate dagger from Jimmy Butler.

And I saw some people being like, that's a bad shot.

It's like, dude, one, it's wide open.

You know, it's a wide open shot.

Like it was as wide open as you get.

You could say, oh, he should have attacked Al Horford.

I also think there's part of Jimmy Butler's like, I want to end this right now. Obviously, the Celtics would have still had a possession.
But the Heat were out of gas. Jimmy Butler played 48 minutes.
He played the entire game. The Heat were completely out of gas.
He's trying to end it right there. I have no problem.
Like, I would like to go down swinging like that if you're a Heat fan, being like, Jimmy Butler taking that shot. Who cares about you know whether he's a good three-point shooter or not he just i want him taking that shot i also think that there should be an award that goes to the best player on the losing team we were talking earlier about how jerry west got it back in the finals he was the last player to be awarded the finals mvp in a losing effort there should be like a most valuable loser yeah of each term not because like i think it's something that needs to be really awarded, but I want to see how the players react to being handed that trophy and the different ways that they discard the trophy immediately.
I'm sure if you gave it to Jimmy Butler, he would just spike it on the ground. He'd be so mad.
He'd break it instantly. Jake, from your perspective, were you okay with Jimmy Butler taking that shot? Absolutely.
He's the only reason the series got to seven. He got zero help.
If he got any help, the Heat win the series in five or six. Max Struess was – I mean, they actually – I'm so happy I don't have to watch Kyle Lowry play anymore.
That guy is like – he's the worst. He is literally the worst.
He's what people think Marcus Smart is. He just runs in.
He's now the defensive player of the Year. He just runs into people.
I swear, if Kyle Lowry spent maybe even half as much time complaining, he would be double the player. He's a very good player.
I'm not saying he's not a great player, but he just complains about every single possession no matter what. I just love his body type.
His body type is like the old Mike Tolbert body where he looks proportionally exactly the same as a gummy bear. Yeah.
Just like a little chunky. He's spilling out of like every single turn of the uniform.
Like wherever there's any sort of tight fabric, you're going to get that little spare tire around the edge. It's always shocking to me when I see him do something athletic.
But yeah, he's like addicted to flopping. Yeah.
He just loves like when it's him and Marcus Smart going up against each other. just, they both flop.
They both fall to the ground and they both get up and pretend to cry for a second. Yes.
And then they just turn the page going to the next player. I saw someone tweeted.
It was, it was very, it might've been retweeted because it was probably from a couple of years ago, but basically Kyle Lowry is every girl's goals because he's got an ass and a ring. I was like, yeah, that's true.
Like he's got a fucking dump truck. Chicks love asses? Yeah.
No, chicks like to have ass oh they like you got it yeah got it okay yeah so and they like rings just cal larry in general yes yes right he is goals um but he is so annoying and so all right so jake i mean that was that was pretty devastating to have that like flirtation with the comeback you thought it was gonna happen it would have been and might sound hyperbolic afterwards, 24 hours after, but I do think it would have been one of the worst losses ever if the Celtics had somehow blown that because it was one of those weird moments where the game was over, the announcers were talking like the game was over, and then just enough random weird things happened. We're like, wait, what's going on here? And then all of a sudden it could have been poof, gone if Jimmy Butler hits that three.
So you're definitive, though, that the heel was not down. You think that there was a max air three? You could slide a dollar bill underneath his heel? Absolutely.
There's a few layers to this. First, apparently they were reviewing it to see if it was a two or a three.
Right. So that triggered it, which is absurd because if you're out of bounds on the sideline yeah you gotta obviously not close right to being on the three-point line that thing was very like i didn't know that they were allowed to just take points five minutes later yeah like well they do that sometimes in like media timeouts and change it from a two to a three right but i've never seen them go out of bounds just completely take it away what's the statute statute of limitations? Can they wait until after the game's over?

I've never seen that before.

I've never seen that before.

It did cost us the over.

Yeah, it did.

It fucking did.

By a point.

It missed by a point.

And potentially the series and potentially NBA history.

It is NBA rigged.

Now, you can put on the conspiracy theory hat and be like, well, they're awarding the Larry

Bird trophy for the first time ever after the game.

They probably want to see the Boston Celtics win it.

Let's get on the phone with wherever it is, like New Jersey. Seucus yeah have secaucus talk us through this and see if we can't get rid of uh it's like calling up uh raffensperger and be like i need 36 000 votes yeah that's what they said they're like i need i need the celtics to to make sure that we win this game here it's just i've never seen that yeah i've never had them i i do think you can't play the game of like the game the butterfly effect when people like well they they almost like without the foul they lost by two i'm not saying that's the reason they lost everything changes yeah it still changes right but i'm not saying that's an excuse like the celtics were better hank would you like to apologize for the max strew I don't want you to apologize.
I saw some Celtics fans saying that was a crazy thing. Well, that's a very Jake Marchian thing to do.
If it was reverse, Hank would have ended it. Hank, you should have apologized there.
You had a moment there to be Jake Marsh, and you didn't take it. Well, no, if it was reverse, I would have been like, it's the right call because his foot was clearly on the line.
No, but you should have just taken that moment and just shown Jake what it's like to be like, you know what, I wish they had given him that three. It would have been right.
Yeah, then you would have lost by one instead of four. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm not a math major.
That is crazy. I don't like...
That's just math. I can't do the...
I'm not that good at addition, but I'm pretty sure that even if that three-pointer had counted, they won by, wait, how many points? Four. Four points.
And so that shot was worth three points. But they followed at the end.
That's what people are... Again, it's very stupid.
It's very stupid whenever someone's like, something that happened in the first quarter directly, then you could be like, oh, that's basically the points that we would have had. No, everything would have played out differently.
Yeah. And by the time that they reviewed it the score was like way lopsided again right yes it was yeah i don't know deflating for the heat it's it is good though in a weird way it's good for heat fans to have one thing to point at to be like we got fucked yeah because it lets you not realize that there's so much else that goes into it as long as you're just like if they call that differently on max struis totally different ball game we Right.
Could have been, yeah. But not the only excuse.
The video of Haslam after the game was very, very funny. Where he was just so mad and disappointed.
Like, dude, you haven't played in forever. He also had just perfected.
I was laughing every time they showed him because he had just the most disappointed father face. Every time they went to the sideline, he'd just be looking at the refs so upset.
And, yeah, no, he definitely walked, like, straight to the shower to make it look like, oh, I was out there grinding with the boys. Yeah, this is the last season's over as a player.
You think? I mean, I would assume so. It would be very funny if the Heat just gave him a max deal, just like lifetime contract.
John Howard did this during the big three era.

He was a player. Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

By the way, credit to Al Horford.

The most playoff games I think ever played without getting to the finals.

That's a pretty cool storyline.

And he also, Al Horford, he's just got old man strength where like he,

there were so many times where Bam would try to like get around him or

through him and he just wouldn't let it happen. And so, All right, so there was one other thing that happened before the game that might have changed the outcome of it.
Jason Tatum sent a text before the game, and he texted Kobe Bryant. Yeah.
He texted Kobe Bryant's old number and said, I got this. So, I mean, Kobe Android guy? Is that what's going on here? Was the bubble green or blue? It was green.
Billy, don't don't respond to that like that. I was being like that.
What I said was real. Stand down, Billy.
How does that work? It's just going to fucking correct me with like, dude, he's dead. He doesn't have a question.
How does it work with phone numbers, though? Like, yeah, does it does your phone number eventually get recycled to somebody else? Somebody there getting kobe's text i so i like the jason tatum like he was wearing the kobe armband i think that's all very cool i was a little weirded out that he shared the text afterward that feels like a very private thing that like he between who him and kobe kobe kobe cell phone it's like the most private thing that you can do right text. Text somebody dead guy.
Who's dead. Right.
That's a smarter child. Right.
And just. What if Kobe responded? I was going to say, what a game.
What if somebody got that number? And then they're getting all these texts for Kobe and they're writing back. Yeah, they're like, you should have been more assertive in game five, six.
Yeah, what if it's somebody that really knows ball that's getting these texts? It's like, bro, look for your shot more in the fourth quarter. Yeah, you're losing your legs on your mid-range jump shots in the fourth.
You need to hit the gym. Yeah.
Do some squats. That would actually be great if someone – Be like the NFL team group text messages from NFL memes.
Yes. Yes.
Yes. What were you going to say, Billy? No, I saw a Reddit thread about someone who was receiving someone else's dead mother's text and just didn't have the heart to respond yeah i get i have texts from someone i like jerome is the person's name and i get texts all the time but it's always like automated ones so it's not actual people um but it's weird because it would be like hey have you oh no i actually i think you guys were around when i i responded to one that was like hey uh can you pick up an extra shift and i replied and i was like no yeah they got they got very confused yeah they're like what the fuck they should just program it so that kobe's phone just replies with the snake emoji back yes just mama mentality every time um all right so before we talk about the warriors uh and the celtics billy we just realized also has a has a lot at stake now.
We shift from Jake to Billy. Billy forgot that he has to go vegan if Jason Tatum wins finals MVP.
There's literally a lot at stake. A lot at stake.
Billy has gone through the entire range of motions with us before we started taping where it starts with him being like, can you guys pay for this? And then it's like, how can I cheat? Yeah, how can I cheat? I literally can't. It will kill me.
Is it illegal? How did Billy get himself in this situation? Good question. Hank did have a great line when Billy was like, I need to be compensated some way.
And Hank was like, well, every two weeks you get a paycheck, and that's very nice. But, yeah, so when we had John Sally on, noted vegan, John Sally said Jason Tatum, if he wins the finals MVP, Billy was obviously telling him veganism is stupid, which I agree with you, Billy.
And then the bet was made that if Jason Tatum wins the finals MVP, Billy has to do vegan for a month. I checked the odds on it, and I thought it was going to be more like plus

300, plus 500.

It's plus 150. Yeah, he is the

best player on their team.

He's their best player.

It's a coin flip, basically. And so you'd have to

be vegan during the 4th of July.

Yeah, it's the worst month ever

to be vegan. 4th of July,

all of July.

No, but you're not grilling all through outdoor grilling. Yeah.
All of July. Well, there's fourth of July.
Yeah, there's fourth of July. And then all of July.
The fifth of July. Then the sixth of July.
Yeah, it's just prime grilling time. Right.
Uh-huh. But good news is you can grill mushrooms.
You can slice up a nice mushroom. Carrots.

Fucking cauliflower. Farm to table.

Yeah, it's basically the same thing as a steak.

You close your eyes, you won't tell the difference. By the way, so many people are

sending me recipes that just aren't vegan.

One dude was like, yo, dude, quesadillas

with beans. I'm like, dude, for fucking

cheese. Cheese.
No, Jake was like, at least

you can have pizza. Yeah.
I was like, Jake,

I'm gonna kill you. Wait, but Billy, actually

wouldn't it be, wouldn't July be one of the best months because all the vegetables are in you know watermelon that's when you like corn good corn in the summer like delicious corn sweet corn dude the best corn no butter though you can't put butter on it you should probably you should actually go one step further you should just grow everything that you like you can't eat anything you don't grow yourself how about we do this so it's's like the zuckerberg rule where like maybe billy can have meat but only if he kills the animal i'm in for this bare hands yeah i'm in for that oh god billy's gonna kill someone's dog yeah you're gonna farm your neighborhood no dude i'm gonna go to the um the halal butcher place and then just ask to kill all the chickens and eat them myself is that how it works they just let anybody go in go in there and kill them? There's no regulations. I'll be like, yo, let me kill this bird or buy them live.
Like, I've bought live chickens plenty of times. Okay.
Yeah. You can't fuck them to death.
And then what? That I'm going to kill them. You didn't kill the other ones.
Or did you? Which ones? No, the hawk did. No, the hawk did.
You've bought live chickens, but you were implying that you've killed them. No, no, no, I didn't killed them no no no I didn't I'm in Billy's brain right now and I'm watching him like figure out ways to skirt the rule book on this you can't buy chickens and then purposely leave them out so a hawk kills them and then eat the chicken afterwards what about a frog that you fucked to death would you then eat it frog's legs's legs.
Grun-wee. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
No, you're in trouble. You're in trouble.
Yeah. No, I literally will look like Christian Bale and the Machinist at the end of this month because I won't be able to source vegan food.
You can't just Uber Eats vegan food. Yeah, you definitely can.
You absolutely can. In New York City? 100% can.
That's the one thing they say about New York City. It's a great city, but you can't find vegan food anywhere.

It might be the only place in the world that you can get vegan within 15 minutes.

It's probably easier to be a vegan here than not.

It's probably going to be $40.

I'm not going to be even full.

Here comes we're going back, circling back to the money.

I think if I eat vegan for a month, I think I should be able to expense all the meals.

I disagree.

That's a question for Hank in the expense account. I'm going to disagree.
Yeah. I'm going to disagree.
It's going to be super expensive. I don't think it's going to be that expensive.
Just buy beans. Yeah.
Just eat salads. Beans are literally the cheapest food on the planet.
That's true. Make a spreadsheet.
Show the difference between a regular meal and a vegan meal. Maybe we'll cover the difference.
Okay. I'm sure that is going to be a meticulously curated spreadsheet it's gonna be as honest as it gets my uber eats by the way i mean we'll look at my uber eats uh orders from before and then like the first week and i will show you like hundreds of dollars in discrepancy okay okay great i'm sure that again i'm sure that will be very honest yeah yeah i'm looking to it because I think low-key, Billy might get more shredded on the vegan diet.

I said that, yeah.

He's going to lose a lot of this fat, and he might get addicted to being vegan.

Yeah.

It might be good for you.

What if you ended the month and your bench press max went up so you could finally bench more than me,

and you got a six-pack by eating vegan?

I bench more than you already.

No, what's going to happen is I'm going to lose a ton of weight,

and then people are going to start calling me Billy 8-B Ball again and think I'm on drugs. Is cocaine vegan? I think there's like people die.
Do you think there's a chance that the soy will make your hands even softer? No, they're going to give me tits like you. And it's going to be terrible.
At least you can drink Guinness, though. You love Guinness.
I can't drink Guinness. Why not? Guinness isn't vegan.
Oh, damn. Dude, I literally could have gotten away with just drinking, like, I can drink Coors Light, though.
Yeah, there you go. So I'm just going to drink Coors Light.
That'll be fun. And when I'm hammered, it's because of you guys.
Great. Okay, yeah.
Yeah. That's a great spin.
My bosses are, like, kind of forcing me to stay drunk for the entire month because I'm not allowed to eat meat, and the only way I can forget how sad I am is by getting blind drunk. Yeah, can I sue Barstool for just making me an alcoholic? Okay, so Warriors-Celtics.
Hank, how are we feeling? Nervous. Yeah.
I mean, I think it's going to be a great series. I like the Celtics.
I'm very excited for this series. I just get worried the Celtics have had so many, so many points with like Kaler's turnovers and just crazy, unexplainable plays.
And the Warriors are obviously the Warriors. They have all the experience.
They've been here before. So there's just – and obviously it's one play here, one play there.
It makes a difference between winning and losing. And that's what I get worried about, where it's like I could see the Celtics

losing one or two games

just with inexplicable

bad decisions. I agree.
I think

they're very even teams. I think

it's going to be a great series, but I was

thinking about it, and the Celtics,

they were better than the

Bucs without Middleton, and they were better than

the Heat, and both those series went seven,

and they kind of made mistakes along the way where it's like what the hell they should put this team away if you do that with the Warriors you're dead that's where I think it's got to be like you can't you can't mess around with the Warriors you can't be like oh you know we'll have a game with 15 turnovers and hope it works the next game because they obviously have done it before. And the Warriors have like, if you read anything from after their clinching game, like it's hard for a team with that much success to be as hungry as they are.
Like they have a, we're trying to prove it to everyone. Not only just KD and Kyrie who we should mention were trending after game seven because both both guys the respective NBA Finals teams to team up and get bounced.
I think it's going to be interesting to see what kind of lineup the Warriors go with, if they're going to go with the death lineup or not. Are you going to go death or are you going to do Looney? Are you going to put Looney in there to get some rebounds? And they actually are getting the reverse of what's happened in the last couple series where guys have been out.
They are getting guys back. I think Otto Porter, Gary Payton Jr., and Andre Iguodala are supposed to play at some point in this series.
AI. Yeah, AI is coming back.
The original AI. Yeah.
I just feel like, I don't know, a lot's going to depend on the matchups. And I think that the Warriors want to go with the death lineup again, which is just fun to say and fun to talk about.
But I feel like if they try to go small, the Celtics could end up bullying them a little bit. But then what happens on offense? Right.
It's crazy, guys. If you go small and you have shooters everywhere, the Celtics can't put two bigs out, which Robert Williams is hurt, very hurt.
Almost constantly. But it's crazy that he was even playing in that game seven because there were moments where guys were going around him and by him, and you could just tell he couldn't move.
He had a sequence, I don't know if they showed it on TV on Friday night, where he did three, like he did as high as he could jump for a dunk, landed, did landed did it again it was one of the most impressive

like athletic feats i've ever seen like basically he did it at three straight box jumps but like

him jumping as high as he could and then he was gas and then he didn't really like come back right

yeah it sounds like a crossfit workout yeah it was it was like you just saw his hand go flying

and it was like he did it so fast it was unbelievable all right so i think he's like

i think he's hurt.

Yeah.

And the fact that the Celtics are now going – He's just a constant, though.

You know, he gets hurt, then they can come back for one game for momentum,

and he gets hurt.

The Celtics are going now two straight hard-fought seven-game series,

and then they have to go play the Warriors in San Francisco on Thursday night

who have been sitting at home for a week now.

They have the youth.

You guys, this is a storyline podcast, right?

Yep.

I got a fun one for this series.

All right.

91 finals.

Jordan and Pippen knocked off the Lakers, who were in their finals for the sixth time

in eight years and won three titles over that span.

Tatum and Brown faced the Warriors, who were in the finals for the sixth time in eight

years, have won three titles over that span.

Interesting.

That would be a fun storyline. That's a fun storyline.
That is a very fun storyline. Are these Celtics the new version of the Bulls? Hmm.
Got to start somewhere. It's just the start of a dynasty right now.
You got to start somewhere. You also have the revenge that they beat every team that they lost to in the last three playoffs.
The Celtics did. So they beat the Nets, who they lost to last year, right? Yep.
They beat the Heat, who they lost to in the bubble. And they beat the Bucs, who they lost to in 2018.
So you've got to figure out when they last lost to the Warriors. You've also got to start getting your story straight for the people that are going to – because they are going to come, the people who say this is a Mickey Mouse run.
Because you played against the Nets, they were missing Ben Simmons. They were banged up.
You played against the Bucs, missing Middleton. You played against the Heat.
Half their team was injured at the end. I think the opposite has been said, but yeah.
With the Mickey Mouse? No, they're saying Jason Tatum's going through KD, Giannis, and Jimmy Butler. It's going to be one of the best runs ever.
You've got to be ready for the Mickey Mouse guys, because they'll be there. They're waiting for it.
The LaFrauds? The LaFrauds, yeah. All right.
So you're – No, that's kind of like a circle Venn diagram. Yeah.
What's your prediction? Celtics in six. Celtics in six.
So will you be on the wood when they – God willing. Hoisted the trophy.
God willing. I wasn't there Friday, but – Okay.
Celtics in six. All right.
What do you guys think? I think Celtics in seven. I think Warriors in seven.
I think it's going to be a really good series, though. I just watch it be like a sweep.
Yeah, I know. One way or the other.
Yeah. I just, something about a game seven winning another game seven on the road.
Yeah. And I just, I don't know.
There's Like everything I've read about this Warriors, like after they beat the Mavs and like the three guys basically being committed to each other throughout all these injuries and saying like we're going to be back here. This is going to be it.
Like we're going to win one more. That would really be something though.
Like I know KD has mentioned on Twitter that he doesn't care what other people say about this but it has to eat at him a little bit if the warriors win this oh for sure yeah he's definitely rooting for the Celtics yeah and just be like okay so they like people are saying basically oh they traded you know they had andrew wiggins for kd and they're back in the finals yeah are the warriors better without kd it's gotta hurt it's gotta's gotta hurt. Okay.
Billy and Jake, you want to have a prediction?

Warriors in six, and then I'm gonna eat a

shit ton of meat in Boston. Wow.

Wow. Right in their face?

Wow. Everyone's just gonna be like, who's

this dude? Why is he eating so much meat?

I'm gonna do it aggressive in their face.

What if Steph Curry wins? You have to only

eat meat for the month of July. Actually,

I would hella do that, but

can I drink? Wait, wait, what's the difference between hella and high key? Can I drink though? Yes, yes. Okay.
You'd hella do that though. Yeah, I've been trying to do that.
It's hard. Jake, your prediction.
Warriors and five. Wow.
Okay, so that's a mini whomping. That's a mini Jake.
No, that is a whomping. That's a womping.
Biased. We'll see.
Yeah, Jake, how much of that is influenced by your current hatred of the Celtics? I don't hate the Celtics. That making the finals is good for the company.
It's better for the company. Yes, that's absolutely true.
Yeah, but also... It is? It's absolutely true.
Don't go watch me by myself on a live stream in the finals. Everyone's going to watch Dave and Hank.
But you definitely hate the Celtics a little bit right now. Yeah.
Okay, thank you. Did you see, someone did an advanced analytics that Steph Curry shoots better when he's chewing on his mouth guard.
Oh, when his mouthpiece is out? Yeah. I believe it.
I'm telling you, the wingspan on the mouthpiece is getting bigger. It's going up all the way almost to his eye.
He's going to poke himself in the eye with that. Yeah, he is.
Yes, he is. Okay, let's do who's back, and then we got Stav.
We'll do the Tommy Pham and Jock Peterson discussion after, as well as some hockey. We're going to have to—Memes is going to come in and cry for us, which Rangers fans will enjoy.
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Who's back is Chris Castellanos.

Yeah.

We talked about it on this show before.

I think last summer it got killed.

It was, you know, the meme.

There's a long, deep drive to left field by Castellanos. Jake is about to have a stroke.
Jake, you want to tell him? It's fake? No, you can tell him. It's fake? No, Jake, this is your department.
It's fake. Nick.
It's Nick Castellanos. Nick Castellanos.
Oh, Chris. Chris Castellini.
He's a co-worker. Yikes.
Long weekend. Game 7's taking a lot out of you.
Wow. Game 7's taking a lot out of you.
Nick. Yeah, I did get those two guys mixed up.
Shout out to Chris Castellini, though. I knew what you did right when you did it.
Jake was giving me this furtive little look. He was getting mad.
We worked over the same time. Nick Castellanos, the Reds player, who's now in the Phillies.
Correct. Today, the announcers were doing a Memorial Day tribute, showing some people in the crowd, some memorials.
And as they did that, Nick Castellanos, oh, my God. Nick Castellanos hit a home run.
Yeah. It's just he's cursed.
He's always there. He is.
Impeccable timing. Impeccable comedic timing out of this guy.
Is he cursed or is he blessed? So you can stay a little woke on this one. I know memes pointed this out in the group chat.
I kind of, I think that they're setting him up. When he's batting? When he's up to bat, I think the announcers are more likely to dive into the whole, like, I mean, it was our sweet prince Harambe's anniversary earlier this weekend, but that would be a prime time for them to be like, and six years ago today, Harambe was assassinated.
Right. And, oh, there's a deep drive to left.
They know that, like, with how bad... You don't think so? No.
You don't think the Phillies would ever set them up like that? I think baseball is, like, the oldest boomer sport in the game. They're not that hip.
Like, they don't know what the Nick Castellanos meme is you didn't you didn't trust yourself no i didn't um yeah it would be it is one of those ones we're probably too too much online maybe perhaps yeah we're like are they setting us up but like why why else would they well but they have the entire rest of the game to do it and they're like oh castellanos is up right now yeah let's run it right now when was it or was it the beginning of the inning or anything like that i believe it was so they probably if it's correct i gotta double check but usually the producers are like all right let's run this uh tribute at the top of the second inning it just so happened to be he was the first one up yeah he's just like it might have been a coincidence yeah he's he's the grim reaper yes what can i say all right pft your who's back uh my who's back of the week is existential dread oh this will be nice um hank actually tweeted something about this out uh yesterday pointed out that the the summer of 2016 was indeed it was different it hit different and um i i replied to him because i just heard about this theory. You remember when we had Brian Cox on Professor Cox, he was in the Large Hadron Collider experiment.
There's a theory out there that the world ended in 2016. Oh, wow.
When that opened up a massive black hole on Earth and everything got sucked into it. And so everything you've experienced this then has been your particular version of heaven or hell,

depending on if you were good or not prior to 2016.

So I just want to let everybody marinate that on a little bit

because I feel like, I don't know, it's fucked me up thinking about it.

Whoa.

I think about it, I drink about it, and it's 100% true.

Think about it, drink about it.

So are you in heaven or hell?

Heaven.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I think we're all in heaven.

The fucking Cubs won a World Series.

And the Nationals and the Capitals.

The Capitals won a Stanley Cup.

Right.

And that was the summer.

I mean, that's when I was reminiscing.

I was driving, listening to some music, thinking about Harambe and how that, like, it was funny.

It was a funny summer.

Summer 2016 was a fun summer, the beginning of this podcast.

And then ever since then, it's been, you know.

Wait, so this will be a great test of if Billy's in heaven or hell if Jason Tatum wins finals MVP. He's in hell.
Well, I mean, he did become a wide receiver after that. I think I'm in a weird purgatory.
Yeah, Billy's been in purgatory for sure. I've had some super high highs but like also super low lows.
What were your high highs? I was All-State my senior year in football. Fuck yes.
Who was that? They went to went to college and then i you know didn't win the starting jobs then i switched to wide receiver but then like yeah it's actually been really weird i sometimes feel like i have a forrest gump life yeah yeah like think about it i feel like any of us in this room could make that argument convincingly like it's more likely that we're all dead and this is the afterlife than it is this is really happening what notable things have you been around i don't know uh i was i was almost selected as a juror and harvey weinstein's trial almost yeah i was there on the day uh-huh uh that they're selecting jurors they didn't pick me you're like if if mark walberg had played for a scum it's like, things would have turned out differently. I was almost there for that.
No, no, they wouldn't be different. Okay.
It was wild, though. I wish I had been on that journey.
I mean, just being around this is like Forrest Gump crazy. Jake, are you in heaven or hell? Hopefully heaven.
Yeah. Yeah.
What about you, Bubba? Jake, that was such a Jake answer. Probably hell.
Yeah. Yeah got hit by a car.
You got allegedly hit by a car. Yeah, you used to be able to see in color.
Yeah, that's true. All right, who's back? I have two.
One is European sports. Big weekend for European sports.
We had the Champions League and then F1 in Monaco. Just a big weekend for people tweeting about European sports.
Tweeting about sports earlier in the day than usual. Yeah, earlier in the day.
The Champions League, Liverpool got fucked with their fans getting like, you know, that was just a total clusterfuck. But also I feel like every big soccer game has some type of storyline like that.
Yeah. Real Madrid also, that's just what they do.
They just win championships. They just win championships.
Yeah. And then – They were by far the worst team in that game, but they figured out a way to do it.
Also, PFT, remember we had that discussion about how we can't really get into F1 besides drive to survive? I've found my perfect niche is that I don't watch any second of the race and then just say someone cheated after. Oh, perfect.
Yes. Because was great.
It was like I didn't watch a second of Monaco and then I was like Red Bull cheats and then I just had people just like getting in fights in my mentions for the rest of the day and I was at peace. It was great.
I just I root for Daniel Ricardo because I like him as a person and then I also root for like something insane to happen so then eight months I can watch it on a different TV show. Right, right.
Exactly. That's as far as my Formula One fandom goes.
So, yeah, I'm not even trying to watch them anymore. I'm just like- Also, no overtaking in Monaco.
Yeah. And it rained.
Real gearheads know about that. And then my other Who's Back, you guys saw Top Gun on Thursday.
I saw it on Saturday. My who's back isn't Top Gun.
It's going to the movie theater.

Because if you, I know that it's been nice that we've been able to watch all these new releases from home. But going to the movie theater to see Top Gun reminded me like, oh yeah, going to the movies is so much fucking fun.
Especially a movie like Top Gun. Right.
It reinvigorates you. like yes this is why because you know i'm sure that there's been a lot of people who've written about like oh yeah movie theaters are now dead post-covid everything gets released everything's on netflix whatever it may be no like the act of going to the movie theater watching the previews eating all of your candy before the movie starts there's nothing like like it.
Yeah, I went two nights in a row.

I went back again on Friday to go see it.

I thought about going on Saturday, too.

But I was like, that's cycle.

You want to go again?

I'll go again this week.

We'll go like noon.

We should go like noon.

You have to see it.

You have to see it on a big screen.

Mostly, and it boils down to like-

We should see it on IMAX.

I did see it the first time on IMAX.

I didn't see it on IMAX.

Oh, you missed out on like 33% of the film.

It boils down to that part of our lizard brains that you see cool machines and you're like, ooh, plane. Yeah.
Oh, fuck. You start grunting like, that was awesome.
And I did cry a little bit, like Hank, but that's okay. Fifth generation thrust vector in turn.
I mean, it was insane. It was a great fucking movie.
Great movie. I haven't seen anyone say anything bad about it.

Honestly.

Let's see.

Nitpicking Top Gun.

I wish I wish it had one boob.

Yeah, it would have been nice.

One boob.

One boob would have been good.

There is.

No, there wasn't.

No boobs.

Just one boob.

I just like to remind myself while I'm watching a movie that there's tits out there. Were there tits, Billy? There was a good amount.
Oh, dogfight football was so stupid. Yeah, no, I got pissed.
We're not going to do any spoilers. But, like, that's not a spoiler.
There's no chance that that game actually works. Yeah, that's not a spoiler whatsoever.
It's just they basically were like, oh, remember when we did the volleyball scene in the original? We got to have something similar in this one. Oh, so there were tits, but there were guy tits.
Yeah, yes, nipples. Billy just likes nipples.
All right, Billy, you're who's back. My who's back is lacrosse this past weekend today.
The Maryland Terrapins completed a perfect 18-0 season beating Cornell in the national championship game. Crazy.
Their past two seasons have been pretty insane because they are 33-1 in the past two years. Their only loss was to UVA in the 2021 championship game.
So they're an absolute wagon. Another win for the Big Ten.
Now I'm going to butcher this name, but Logan Wisnowska, a Syracuse transfer, scored 61 goals with 103 points all season.

The first Terriban to score 100 points in a season in all time.

Question for you, Billy, because a lot of people were saying this.

I was touting the Big Ten for winning a championship,

and people were saying that Maryland just had a ton of transfers and they didn't build their own culture.

What do we say to those people?

They built their own culture through transfers. Okay, there we go.
That is their culture. It's a transfer culture.
It's a carpetbagging culture. Yeah.
It's just immigration. Yeah.
Melting pot. So actually one of the water dogs draft picks was on the team, Jake Higgins.
He probably sucks. No, he's a short stick D-mid.

No, but once he gets into our culture,

he sucks, dude.

Our culture is going to ruin him.

So, another thing,

the Waterdogs open up this weekend

on Sunday versus the Cannons

at 1pm. We'll probably lose.

Jake and I are going to be up there

working with the Waterdogs.

We're not going to be on Thursday's show.

Tell them they suck. No, I'm going to...
From us. They're professionals.
Jake, you have to tell them that we said they suck. We will be attending Media Day Thursday.
So can we get a question? Yeah, you can forward some questions. Billy's welcome to ask questions too.
That's a mistake. No, I'm actually the number one lacrosse.
Loki, have you guys thought about how cool it is to be in a pro lacrosse league? Hank, what's up? I just wanted to hear the end of that sentence. He's the number one what? He's the number one lacrosse mind in America.
I think I'm the biggest lax guy in this room. Yeah, I mean, Hank's basically brought back lax.
He brought the sport back from the day. Yeah, but Hank said sport of the future, and then the PLL start.
Like, I think Paul Rabel listened to Hank say that, and then he made the PLL. But, like, grow the game, sport of the future.
That's like a lacrosse tagline. No, no, no, no.
Hank created that. Who do you think? Where did the tagline came from? You didn't create that.
Yes, he did. Yes, I did.
He did, dude. On this podcast.
He created that. I remember hearing it,

but that was said before.

Billy, this helps your Forrest Gump

storyline.

Okay, yes.

Yes, 100%.

This podcast created lacrosse,

essentially.

Yeah, we invented it.

It basically went from Native Americans

to Jim Brown to Pardon My Take.

Those are pretty much

the only three big moments in lacrosse.

Also, when I was like 10,

I did a summer lacrosse camp.

Boom.

Not like three weeks.

How do you like 10 apples? That was way before you. Way.
Dude, you weren't even born. Okay.
Jake, you're who's back here. Well, no, to piggyback off of Billy, yeah.
So we'll be up in Albany for PLL training camp. Thursday's media day.
Friday, some practice drills. Billy's going to get in on the action.
And so is memes. is memes so it should be fun and then yeah Saturday Sunday is opening weekend in Albany love it I mean I don't love it I love that you guys are going to be I love it for you guys yeah water dogs we don't really start seasons well yeah we peak in the second half and we don't end them either they won the regular season last year yeah but we got off to a stinker of the start.
Great. Should we put a banner up? Loser talk.
Yeah, they're President's Trophy winners. When they win something real.
You know what that means. Yeah.
Is Meme suiting up too? Yes. So he's way better than he's away.
I know. He played in college.
I could have, but I committed to football. No, I'm psyched.

Did you commit to football?

Yeah.

Okay.

But we can do some one-on-ones.

It'll be fun.

Beautiful.

Thank God, because I was thinking I was going to have to go against the pros and just actually-

Waterdogs aren't really pros.

Dude, these guys are world-class athletes.

Billy, I know.

You don't understand what I'm doing.

We break them down, and then we build them back up.

I'm trying to show respect to them so I don't show up. We do not respect them.
Yard sale me and break my arms. I heard that they might fold the team, actually.
Yeah, we actually should fold it. I'm considering it.
We can hit the nuclear button. I'm thinking about it.
Paul Rabel gave us that button. It's in the pile.
It's embarrassing what they put us through at the beginning of the season last year. Actually, they've made serious moves in the offseason personnel-wise.
No, but I think that they got a shot and I would actually like some shares so I can get a ring if they win. We might sell the team.
Can I buy the shares from you? No. I'm going to sell mine to Dan Snyder and they'll somehow get worse.
I'll give you all the shares if you go vegan for a year. Fuck that.
Alright, let's get to our interview. Wait, Jake, do you have another who's back? Yeah, a quick who's back is tennis.
I know when I bring it up on the show, it's because something big is happening. Djokovic-Nadal, French Open quarterfinals tonight.
When? Oh, tonight. Tonight.
What time? It's the back end of a doubleheader, so it depends. Wait, you're playing it at night our time? It's 8.45 Roland Garros time, which is five or six hours ahead.
It's like 4.45. It's like 3 o'clock.
Yeah, I'm out. I'm out.
Yeah, but no, you'll see a tweet about it. You'll tune in for like the third or fourth set.
It's a big one. Mm-mm.
They shouldn't be playing each other until they're in the quarterfinal. If Djokovic wins, Big Cat will send a tweet.
He'll be like, told you. If he loses, he'll pretend it never happens.
Well, if he wins, especially on this one, you've got to dance on the tombstones of the Rafa fans. Oh, I will.
He's the king of clay. Don't worry.
This is his tournament. Don't worry.
I'm getting you ready. Don't worry about that.
Do they sell pieces of clay from Roland Garros? I feel like that's a goldmine right there. Yeah.
Yeah. So that's a quarterfinal matchup.
Okay. Should be fun.
I'm excited for that. Yeah.
To not watch. Yeah Yeah, I just – you'll remind me.
Just text me updates. Okay.
Okay. But not too many.
Every set. Nah.
Two best of five. Just tell me if you think Djokovic is going to win.
If he's about to win, I'll give you. If he's about to win, I'll give you.
Give me a heads up. Okay, all right, perfect.
Billy has this look on his face like he's being left out of something. Last who's back, Finland.
Finland, once again, proving they're a real country. You jumped back to Billy's.
They won the international hockey tournament. I saw that.
That was cool. They beat Canada.
They won the gold medal, and then they won the World Hockey Challenge. Finland is allegedly a real country.
Allegedly. This is just a sigh-off.
Yeah, sigh-off for sure. This is Finland's golden generation.
No no i think that the snipers in world war ii yeah those guys were legit they shot like 500 people a person two gold medals in the calendar year that's pretty impressive pretty damn good um okay let's get to our interview we got stavros coming up you're all gonna love it and we're all protein bars generally taste the same but not one bars one made protein bars are actually delicious with Reese's and Hershey's. Only one Reese's peanut butter lover's protein bar is made with Reese's peanut butter.
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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com. okay we now welcome on a very special guest it is comedian actor you're right you're in some shit right some fucking shit baby it is uh podcaster that's right from the famous podcast come town which i love that we'll get into that yeah it is stavros i'm not even gonna attempt to say your last name i think you it if you believe in yourself.
Halkios? Really good, actually. Pretty close? Actually, that's how it, the as is a real Greek pronunciation.
Most people butcher it. You nailed it.
Okay. Yeah.
Stavros Halkios. Nailed it.
Nailed it. Beautiful.
He is a very, very funny dude. This is, it's really funny that you're here because, you know, we'll have big celebrities, athletes and stuff, but when the word spread that you were coming to this office, the amount of people that came up to me were like, dude, is Stav coming in? Is Stav coming in? I'm like, yeah, he's coming in.
So you have a ton of fans here, and you obviously are very, very successful. You have a new stand-up coming out on YouTube.
That's right. Your special, live at the lodge room yes june 5th let's talk about that because you let's do it you you basically funded this yourself right yeah yeah for sure i um well first of all i want to say that doesn't surprise i mean it sounds like it's funny that like this office i would have a lot of fans because my main demographic is losers in their 20s.

So I took a little peek

around the office,

lines right up.

I see a lot of my core fan base in here.

Bubba's laughing a little too hard.

Bubba's definitely one of them.

No one hits home.

Sorry buddy.

He's like,

I'm so excited for Stabbed.

I will say what I left out

to be polite was that don't get pussy. But you know, Bubba looks like you get pussy, buddy.
He was like, I'm so excited for Stop the Cup. I will say what I left out to be polite was that don't get pussy.

But, you know, Bubba, it looks like you get pussy, dude.

You're a cute kid.

I get a little pussy.

There you go.

There you go.

But yeah, there's a lot of that in this office.

I love it.

That's my guys.

That's who I was, don't forget, in my fucking early 20s.

And now you've graduated to-

Yeah.

Now I'm a-

Yes. Now I was a caterpillar who became just a fatter caterpillar.
Who gets the fuck now? There's no butterfly situation. But yeah, no, things are good, man.
Yeah, so the special. Let's talk about it because you, did you pitch it? Yeah, so it's pretty hard.
Like, it is funny because, I mean, you guys understand, this company is kind of like it where you guys are huge and, like, Twitch is huge and all this shit. Podcasts are big and it's, like, mainstream media people don't understand that.
They don't. You know? So, and I had some inroads with some, like, places where I could have, like, you know, we were having some discussions about places, but the pay was dog shit.
And it's like, no one is really going to push a relatively unknown guys.

Like comedy,

like Netflix doesn't give a fuck about,

you know what I mean?

Like if I got on Netflix,

it would be buried underneath like dating while autistic or whatever.

You know,

it would be like,

it was some guy in like a dolphin prosthetic trying to get his dick sucked

would get way more like algorithm love than I would.

And,

and so I just figured like,

I had a couple of friends who did this,

like Sam Morrell,

very funny,

Mark Norman,

Shane Gillis did it.

Shane,

I mean... like algorithm love than I would.
And so I just figured like, I had a couple friends who did this, like Sam Murrell, very funny, Mark Normand. Shane Gillis did it.
Shane, great special. Which was very, very funny, yeah.
Yeah, Shane did it, which is awesome. And I just said, fuck it.
I don't want to like, and even if I was going to do with people, it was going to take forever to get out. And it's like, I shot this thing in December and I'm like, let's just get it out there.
And then I just kind of like for fun started posting on YouTube just like some throwaway crowd work clips, and people seemed to really fucking like it. So I was like, fuck it, my YouTube channel's big.
I just want people to see it because most people know me as a podcaster, which is hysterical. Comptown.
Yeah, Comptown. It's like, which is like, look, the show's great.
Literally took my family out of poverty, so I can't be mad about Comptown. But imagine if the dumbest thing you've ever done is what popped you huge.
And the thing that you, I mean. Kind of.
Yeah. You're right.
You're probably the only people can understand this. You were part of like the great renaissance of podcasting.
We're not. It was like, you know, it was like 2016.
I don't get it. It makes sense.
Why don't you guys have a huge Comptown office? Yeah. It was like, it was like it was like 2016 i don't get it it makes sense why don't you guys have a huge come town office yeah it was like it was like come town part of my take in chapo started like it was nice in the same couple years and so the holy trinity it's kind of beautiful it's beautiful that you guys have like so much shit that people could use as ammunition against you yes But it's all out there and it's all part of the story.

It's all documented.

It's like we are what we are.

And for you in particular, like doing the show the way,

the way that you're doing it,

like you've got your audience built in.

Yeah.

You don't need Netflix to help you promote it and for them to take a cut out

of it.

Totally.

Like get into a big messy contract situation with them.

You can do it all yourself.

Yeah.

And a dude,

more than anything,

I just want people to see it because I don't think like people think of me as a stand-up comic and it's like the thing i've dedicated my entire life to you know and i think i'm the best at like podcasting is whatever i honestly think podcasting is i mean we're really pulling the biggest scam of all time over on people this is complete bullshit you know what i mean like and but it takes no effort if you happen to know how to fucking talk you just fucking waltz into an easy like we kind of all hit a lottery here oh yeah if we were born three years earlier three years later we're all broke well yeah it is one of those funny things we've talked about it before but like when you tell someone you podcast you can't like sound like a bigger loser a hundred percent and it's it's always funny when i'll like say it and i'm getting now into like because i have kids and i'll be like saying it like birthday parties for a three-year-old and i'll have to be like but but my podcast does make money like let me just follow it up with that there needs to be a different word for successful podcast you know what do you do it's like i podcast like they just look at me like what yeah yeah are you Okay. A hundred percent.
I just used to lie and be like, I do, they're like, what do you do? It's like I podcast. They just look at me like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you okay?

100%.

100%.

I just used to lie and be like, I do a radio show.

It wasn't a full lie.

Yes.

Because at the time, I was doing like 45 minutes a day on Sirius.

Sure.

And I would just be like, tell anybody new.

Yeah, I do a Sirius.

My mom thought that was a big deal when I got that radio show on Sirius, which I did

not give a fuck about.

Yes, yes, yes.

I sat down in a chair for 45 minutes and then left.

And my mom was like, oh my God, you're on Sirius Radio.

That's incredible.

I can listen to it. I got that radio show on Sirius which I did not give a fuck about I sat down in a chair for 45 minutes and then left and my mom was like

oh my god you're on Sirius radio that's incredible

I can listen to you now it's like mom I really don't

care about this. That's the stand up special

the stand up special now feels like hey

I have a stand up special. And it's true

it's funny you say that because it's like radio no one gives a fuck

about and on some level I understand

that no one cares about stand up that

much like podcasting. I disagree

you guys are the big truth tellers

well yeah yeah yeah. Without you society

Thank you. And on some level, I understand that no one cares about stand-up that much.
I disagree. You guys are the big truth-tellers.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Without you, society crumbles.
That's why we've got to protect people from attacking Chris Rock. If anybody slaps you, I will fucking choke them out.
That was the best when comedians were like, this was an attack on freedom of speech. And it's like, come on, man.
We tell pussy jokes. You know what I mean? It's like, no one gives a fuck.
We had Judd Apatow in the next day. Oh, hilarious.
And he was number one on, like, this is assault. Dude, that's so fucking funny.
First of all, Chris Rock and the comedians that were posting about it, it's like, you have nothing in common with Chris Rock. You are not.
You are only tech. The way, like, some guy says he's a podcaster.
Some guy off the street has, like, 30 followers. Says he's, the way you and that guy have something in common with podcasting, that's the way most people posting about Chris Rock.
You know what I mean? Like, they're only stand-ups in name only. This is a fucking million.
Two of the most famous guys of all time slapped each other. It was hilarious.
It was really fucking funny that somebody got slapped at the Oscars. Some guy who's been publicly cucked, who's the most beloved man in the world, was cucked so hard his brain melted 30 minutes before he was going to win his Oscar.
It was incredible timing. Will Smith has been the most Scientologist, manicured, public persona.
Jada got so much dick on the side that it fucking melted his brain, and he slapped Chris Rock. I mean, he was just going to win his Oscar.
If that's not fucking funny to you, then that's hysterical. Yeah, like the biggest superstar actor, one of the biggest superstar actors slapped the biggest superstar comic of the last 25 years because he made a joke about his wife that he only cared about the joke because he looked over at his wife and he was like oh she's mad she's probably gonna fuck somebody else unless i slap chris rock for this it's a very it's a very funny situation hysterical but now people are like you know we're great truth tellers out there and like i yeah it could be me next yeah exactly oh really it's you next at fucking mgooby's joke house and which is my home club i love it in timonia maryland no one is slapping you because you're like what the fuck i don't get my wife doesn't suck my dick enough no one is about to slap you you fucking loser i hated that shit because it's like we're complete i i come from a very like comedians or clowns perspective right i'm not listen i'm not making any fucking points.
I'm not a point maker. I'm here to have a good ass time.
You know what I mean? Just fucking talk about my sexual like embarrassments. Like comedians should be getting embarrassed.
Right. In many ways, getting slapped is the most comedian thing possible.
The only thing I would have liked is if Chris Rock would have been like, I mean, how would have been if it's like if he just talked about jayden again getting cock on the side at the oscars that's the only thing that heightens that if he's like oh it smelled like august alcina's finger you know he just said something you know he wanted to in his heart i saw it you can see the like little flicker because chris rock could have done that oh he could have just eviscerated 100 he just like percent. He just like, you know, he's like, it was just a big moment.
And, you know, he's a little too rich probably. You know what I mean? Maybe Chris Rock 30 years ago does it, 20 years ago does it.
But that's what I'm saying. He's the fucking institution now.
He can't be firing back with the actual truth. Stav would have done it.
Oh, I would have loved it. You would have.
I pray. That's the other thing.
If you're a real comedian, you should be begging Will Smith to slap you. Yeah.
It would be the greatest thing in your career. It would be the best thing in the fucking world.
All right. So you mentioned, we mentioned Cometown.
You mentioned Cometown. It is always funny just to say it out loud.
Yes, of course. I would imagine some of those, like, you've probably been in, like, agent meetings and stuff, and they have to say that.
They have to say Cometown. What's the most awkward? It's a hilarious podcast if you don't know it like you you should listen to it because it's very very funny no you shouldn't it's you should not listen to the podcast the podcast it's over and adam it's bad it'll ruin your brain it will ruin your brain but you'll get addicted first and then you'll realize oh fuck this ruined my brain yes yes um but what what like the alone is just so funny.
Has there been moments where you're like, I wish we had named it something, anything else? No, I think actually like, well, first of all, I thought it was going to be a complete failure for sure. Who came up with who started it? I mean, it was Mullen's idea.
Yeah. And we were just at the time I had just moved to New York.
I was literally living in a fucking windowless room. Like, I had one of those fake rooms where it's like- Like, not fire code safe.
No, not fire code safe at all. No, yeah, like, literally just- The landlord puts up a wall and he calls it a two-bedroom.
Yeah, landlord had no idea. We fucking just hired a guy to build a room.
And he was in and out in a day. Salute to that guy.
Like, shit was going real bad. You know what I mean? Like, we could just hear everything going on in the fucking, like, living room.
Like, you know, if I'm beating off, they can hear. You know what I mean? Like, there's no, if I wanted to fuck, I would have to be like, hey, can you guys just clear out of the apartment for a half hour while I get pussy? And you guys can come back afterwards.
Like, that situation. And Mullen was freshly out of his illegal tenement in in chinatown so like shit was just going bad and it was the idea of like well let's just fucking hopefully people will come out and see our shows but i did not think you're right there was like a second wave of podcasts i thought podcasts were done yeah like seven years ago marinara already popped like comedy bang bang was big like all that kind of shit was kind of – and I figured, like, we missed it.
We missed the boat. I was like, we'll do eight episodes.
We'll never speak of this again. We'll be those guys.
You're like, I'm a podcaster, you know? And then it just fucking – it was his idea. We did it.
Hysterically, people listened. And it's, like, one of those things where I keep waiting for – like, I've had the same, like, attitude the whole time.
I'm like, well, it's going to end tomorrow. Right.
You know what I mean? So now we're going on six years of basically living month to month. I'm on a month to month lease.
But that's a weird and good ... I have something similar where I'm always like, at some point, I'm going to wake up and everyone's going to be like, I don't want to hear you talk anymore.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that almost is ...
I feel like that's a good way to think about it because otherwise you end up with people who like become way out of touch with everything for sure no that's true i mean that could be that could be a big issue but you know it was it's been sick i mean people have been coming out and it helped me like start my touring like going on tour and now it's like touring keeps growing and i think i just want to fucking get this special out there so people can see like yeah i'm i can fuck it because the show is really fucking stupid like it's like next level stupid yeah we haven't prepared for one episode once is that true a hundred percent so you've never prepared just sit down sit down turn the mics on we used to when we really don't feel like doing it we set a timer on our phones and when it goes to one hour the alarm will go off and we'll just shut the thing off the second it's over like that's like we've definitely done that before so when you shut it off do you keep like doing the podcast just not recording it you're just like still talking or you'll talk for three minutes you know like a like a natural wind down and then it's like fellas yeah pleasure pleasure making thousands of dollars for this.

You know what I mean?

It's funny because I think an underrated facet of why Cumetown was so popular when it started,

at least in my opinion, was the logo of Cumetown.

The cum on it is very realistic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it spells out the word Cumetown in cum on it.

That's right.

Yeah, we wanted to make sure there was no getting around what cum meant. No, no, there's no new synonym.
There's no nothing. This is jism.
I thought it was a double entendre until I opened it up and looked down on my phone. It's like, it's just a town of cum.
And I think the second or third episode I was listening to, I was on an airplane, and you do that thing where you turn your phone on to the silent screen or whatever, and then it opens up again. And the person next to me looked over at my phone, and it was just cum.
It was just giant cum on my screen. Which is weirder than if you're watching gay porn.
Right. It's just a weird thing.
Like two guys kissing. It's like, all right, that guy's gay.
He's just looking at cum yeah he's just looking at a cum splatter i'm listening to cum yeah it's a audio version of cum yeah just some guy beating off into a bucket over and over again looped over again but it's crazy you guys so you guys really don't prepare because i think that you know, there's – we have something similar where sometimes people think like we don't do anything

or like when we're on the road they'll be like, oh, you guys coming out to party.

It's like, no, we actually got to work.

There's a lot that goes into it.

But you guys just sit down and let it fly.

Yeah.

I mean you guys also like sports.

Like I do actually do a – I should plug the basketball podcast I do on the biggest sports show.

But I do a basketball podcast with Sam Murill called Pod Don't Lie. And that we don't really.
I was with him this morning. Yeah, I was with him two days ago.
He's Julian Edelman. He's doing a show with him.
He had to take a leave of absence during the playoffs. I've been doing it myself.
But we've been doing this show for years, and Sam is fucking hilarious and just such a deranged Knicks fan that it's like our dynamic is great because I get to just troll him about that. Right.
Like, you know, he's RJ. He's like, RJ is going to be he keeps saying like, RJ is Jimmy Butler.
He keeps saying that he's not joking at all. And anyway, but that even a show that we don't prepare for a sports show, you got to at least watch the game.
You got to fucking look at a couple box scores. know what i mean this is truly nothing right like literally we'll just sit down and just start recording well i think it is a testament to like when you think about the popular podcast i think the the main thing behind them is like the uh relationship that everyone has on the show right like you guys being friends when we sit down, you know, our relationship and now we've grown it to like where we have like five or six guys in the room.
All of our interactions is really what people are listening. True.
Yeah, for sure. More than anything.
So how is that like because you guys are all friends, but how is that evolved over time? Like, I mean, I more of the question is specifically like, how can Adam take so much shit over this amount of time and never just flip out and be like fuck you guys um i think yeah when you guys just started calling him a bug yeah yeah for like a year yeah yeah that was so mean yeah yeah well it's a matter of just getting like the thing is whatever happens during the podcast my personal philosophy is I'm eating an hour.

I'm not stopping anything.

Whatever's going.

And Nick loves to abuse Adam. So I'm like, well, this is a good way to eat time.
Bullying one of my dearest friends and making his life difficult. As long as it gets my job done quicker.
And then the podcast is over. You couldn't be more complicit.
Yeah, absolutely. Have you guys ever seen those like really, like those like,

um,

crazy,

like bondage pornos

where they're like

in a fucking,

what was it called?

Like kink.com.

It was just something

and they had like a,

they had like a,

they would fuck these girls up,

right?

Like really fuck the shit

out of them

and they're all bound and shit

and afterwards

there'd be like the moment

where they're like,

you were so great.

You're,

you know,

they're having like,

it's called aftercare,

after extreme sex

where they like kiss him on the cheeks and they give him a water and you're like you're a princess that's what i do with adam after every episode i'm just like i'm so sorry for what we just did to you you did great you're a great guy i love you so much thank you but it's like this is this is so much better than preparing for even one second it's just we're just wrecking you has he ever out? Has he ever gotten, like, really defensive to the point where he, like, you can tell there's genuine anger there? I mean, yeah. I mean, we've done this show for so long that I think at different points all of us have hated the other.
Like, there's been, like, a fuck that guy, whatever. It's like, I mean, yeah, there's definitely been, especially, he's the only one who's probably deserved to do that that but it's like you know it's all in the in the grand scheme of things it's all you know it washes out and it's like i'm sure you got when you work with anyone it's annoying you like butt heads when you see them all the time even if it's even if the job isn't being shit on so it's like when the job is being shit on you're gonna be like all right and there's there's something that that gets lost i think with with a lot of audiences like a little bit of tension here and that there doesn't mean that like things are falling apart yeah yeah i mean things are falling apart for come to we are definitely gonna we're 100% gonna stop the show soon and it's you know whatever but um but but absolutely in the past it's been like and i think that's all that also is what's funny about the show is that like it should not.
The one thing that I think the reason as a comedian what I like about it is that it's almost like the producers of podcasting where it's like this should not work. Right.
We hate the show. Like, at times, one has hated the other.
You know, we're very unprofessional. There's no anything.
We don't prepare. We don't – everything.
The name is horrible, and it just – people keep fucking listening. It works.
And at this point, it's like, stop. What the fuck else do we have to do to get you to stop listening to this shitty show? It's good, though.
And it's like, we'll keep doing it until it, and we'll try to destroy it, but it will never be destroyed. But it's because, it's so fucking annoying, honestly.
The listeners are like, they're kind of perverted. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For like knowing what they're forcing you guys to do week after week. And they definitely get off on that.
But also, it's a double-edged sword because you have an audience that will see that you're putting out a special. They know the marketing has already been done for them over the years of just getting to know you and putting you guys through hell.
They're like, I know this don't need to see commercial on tv for his set right like i already identify yeah so i'm gonna go check him out totally and like as annoying as the show can be whatever it's like the vast majority of the fans fucking rule and it's like as you guys know it's like that make your life possible right you know what i mean and it's like the ones that can be annoying are the ones where one thing they definitely don't understand is like the tension or even 99.9% of the time shitting on each other is a complete joke. Right.
And we know it. None of us.
Nobody fucking gives a fuck. We have our own thing worked out.
You know. And what they're seeing is like 1% of our lives.
Right. Like this is not who we are.
Right. And the people that don't understand that who are like – they're like the kids that thought Power Rangers were real You know what I mean? It's like you guys I'm sure This happens all the time Because we obviously have cameras rolling all the time So people will take that one bit And be like oh my god this is fucked up It's like dude do you know how much time That happens in between these Like you hear Even this podcast you hear like 6 hours A week Do you know how much time there that happens in between these? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like you hear, you know, like even this podcast, you hear like six hours a week. Right.
Do you know how much time there is on the other side of that? Totally. A hundred percent.
Where it's like, yeah, that part does, when people are like, how could you do that? It's like, dude, we're doing a podcast. I haven't even thought about that.
Yeah. I said that three months ago.
Never. I forgot I said it.
Right. So suck my dick.
I don't give a fuck yeah right but yeah to your point

it's like that's cool

and that's why I kind of

wanted to put it on YouTube

it's like

I could have probably

made a little more money

and like I'm in 40k

on this thing

like I put up my own money

to shoot it

to promote it

to like edit it

all this stuff

but I just want people

to see it

how many people

have to watch

to get that back

let's give everyone

a number

a nice amount

I don't know

I didn't do the math

that's how much

I don't give a fuck

about money

no we need

we need people

to just keep hitting it

you guys must have

a fucking YouTubeologist

Thank you. Let's give everyone a number How many? I don't know I didn't do the math That's how much I don't give a fuck about money No we need people to just keep hitting it You guys must have a fucking YouTubeologist out here No I don't know shit about that Pete? Can we get Pete in here? Where's Pete's bitch ass at? Let's get him in here Yeah you nailed Pete You know exactly Pete is a bitch He can't come He literally is an anti-cum boy Oh what? He cannot come Is he on antidepressants? No he got a vasectomy So we just told everyone that he literally can't cum anymore.
He does puffs? It's just like the Joker gun. A flag comes out that says cum on it.
I literally just boxed him into every now and then. He like whimpers like, I can still cum.
And just getting that on audio is the best. When like a man has to say like, I can still cum.
He wants his boys to know he can still bust. I'm a boy.
I can do this. Yeah, prove it, Pete.
Come jack off right now, motherfucker. And tell us the YouTube numbers.
I need to get my money back while you're at it. We'll get the YouTube up.
I was a big fan of the Pipecast. Oh, thank you, bro.
The Pipecast. Can you explain to our listeners who might not have listened to it what the premise of the Pipecast was? Yeah, so it was the NBA White Chocolate Pipecast.
It was a Jason Williams tribute. You know, white chocolate.
We loved it. And it was just me and Adam from Comptown.
We were just talking hoops. It's actually a lot like the show me and Sam do now where it's like, but with me and Adam, it was just like how much podcasting are we going to do together constantly but it was just you know truly a stupid show about basketball where we're we take that ethos of we're not going to prepare we'll watch games because I'm a fan I mean I love hoops that's my number one sport um and you know the air has been taken out of my sails a little bit because the big Giannis guy.
And so Giannis getting taken out, really brutal.

No one to really fucking root for left except Luka, who's about to lose it feels like.

So it's really – it sucks because I love the NBA playoffs and I have nothing to root for anymore.

But it was just that, dude. It was just bullshit and, you know.

Usually talking about what their fuck game was like.

We'd love to talk about their fuck game for sure.

And that's still – a big thing I like to do Is like Which coach Fucks better And that They will probably Win the series And that's what Really breaks my heart Because you look at the Celtics Ime Udoka lays pipe Better than any Of these motherfuckers Spolster feels like He can I think he goes down For like Hours at a time But he's not the whole package Udoka I think Can eat pussy And give at a time, but he's not the whole package. With Doka, I think you need pussy and give you a pounding.
And Steve Kerr, forget it, bad back. He's going to lay there.
He's laying there with the scenery. Yeah, pillow princess.
He's got the mask on, like a KN95 running. He's still making a mask up.
This whole theory, though, you would think that the Jazz would have had better playoff success. That's true.
Because Quinn Snyder definitely does some weird-ass shit. Here's the thing about Quinn.
Too much cocaine, dick doesn't work. Yep.
That's my theory on Quinn. Okay, nailed it.
If you hit him back in the Mizzou days when he was fucking his player's girlfriend, that's when he needed to be in the fucking NBA. But he's out.
The vitality's gone. His dick barely works.
And actually, I think, I thought last year that this didn't work because I was obviously rooting for Giannis and Budenholzer, who on face value does not look like he can fuck. Correct.
But power bottom. He takes the fucking biggest pounding you've ever seen in your life.
We don't have to be heteronormative about this. He's a sub.
You know what I mean? Yeah. And any dom would get tuckered out.
Yeah, that's good sex. He's such a sub that he will, it's kind of like Homer in that episode where he just keeps getting punched out.
Yeah. That's what I think about Mike Budenholzer's asshole.
Yeah. Where it's like he can take a real beating, whether it's getting pegged or getting fucked.
And that's why they won last year. How sick was that, though? Unbelievable.
I started crying. Rooting for Giannis has got to be, like, you feel like a superhuman.
It's unbelievable. Dude, and because, like, I have been on every Greek player that's ever, like, appeared.
Like, I remember being in high school and being like, remember that guy Baby Shack, Sophocles Sorzanidis? Who was this, who was like, his dad was like some Greek, like, boat guy who just fucked a lady, I don't i don't remember wearing like cameroon or something and he was like all right come on back to greece and he had like this little fat he was like 6'6 just built the clippers drafted him and i was like and he never even made it up he played summer league once uh he never fucking made it over and janice i've been following just from the jump i remember where i was when he got drafted i remember I went to Greece that summer. I still have a collectible.
It's called Milko. It's like a little fucking bootleg Yoo-Hoo of rookie year Giannis.
And it was like I was always like this is the fucking guy. And this has exceeded even my – I mean I was hoping, you know, All-Star, which I think was reasonable.
I thought, you know, that time he fucked up Mike Dunleavy's bitch ass was awesome when he pushed him into the... That was the moment I was like, hell yeah, dude.
He's the best player in the NBA. Best player in the NBA, works hard as fuck.
Truly, like, he's younger than me, but an inspiration to me. Where I'm like, I'm such a loser for being a fucking 30-plus-year-old man who looks at a 26-year-old, who's more of child you know what i mean like is it the pinnacle of his like truly this guy who like you know i'm sure you how old are you how old are you 26 exactly i don't respect this guy but yeah yeah jones comes in here i'm like mr jantetakumbo is there anything i can do like truly a hero of mine who's six years younger than me um and that was the fucking bet him winning i started fucking crying i was fucking balling i was like i can't believe it guy my friends who aren't that into like they're they're kind of into hoops and you know whatever they came over they were just like couldn't they were like what the fuck is going on i was like guys i took out i had enough yannis jerseys for everyone to wear one i had six guys over i was like one's a shirzy so one of you gets the shirzy but we don't have enough to go around and it was the fucking best i mean truly the one time since the ravens won obviously i'm a big ravens fan uh the one the one they won i mean i loved seeing ed reed get one but the one i won when they were they won when i was in middle school just means more to you because you're a fucking little kid.
Right. But since those, I mean, Giannis winning, even though I don't give a fuck about Milwaukee truly, like it's a cool city, whatever, brats are nice, but it was all about Giannis.
That was the best sports thing that's ever happened to me just because I, maybe Greece winning the Euro in 04 maybe, but I just love Giannis so much. Yeah, he's a cool guy too.
And his fucking story is unbelievable. It's like, if if you don't like that guy you're a fucking piece of dog shit yeah and it's truly and boston's bitch ass getting lucky with middle the middleton what i'm calling the middleton asterisk which i will not allow them to enjoy this championship should it happen and it won't something's good let's go spolstra.
Eat that pussy. Eat that pussy.

Beat Udoka.

It was awesome.

Like after he won and the very next day to celebrate,

all he does,

he goes to Chick-fil-A.

I mean, unbelievable.

Gets 50,

it wasn't even 50 nuggets, right?

It was like the 50 tender.

No, I believe it was 50 nuggets.

Was it 50 nuggets?

I believe so.

And then the half and half,

which was a game changer for me.

Yeah.

What was it?

The half lemonade, half Sprite?

Oh, I see.

It's fucking delicious.

I wasn't even versed on his drink.

I should have been looking.

That's a nice move though,

I'll read it. Yeah.
What was it? The half lemonade, half Sprite? Oh, I see. It's fucking delicious.
I wasn't even versed on his drink. I should have been looking.
That's a nice move, though. That's the coolest thing.
It's like you just win an NBA championship, and what do you do? You go eat a shitload of fast food. Yeah, nuggers.
That's my dream. Yeah, that's me coming back from a road weekend in San Diego.
That's how I celebrate seven shows is getting fucking fried chicken. He's the man.
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Yeah. That.
Rooting for Aaron Rodgers, yeah. That's what I was getting at.

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I also appreciate you being a Baltimore guy. I feel like Baltimore needs more visibility.
We really do. We really fucking do.
I'm from Northern Virginia, so anything in the remote D.C., Maryland, Virginia area,

I claim vicariously.

But I've always had an affinity for Baltimore

because I used to go up there.

The Orioles were my team when I was a little kid

before we got the Nationals.

And people, if it weren't for The Wire,

nobody would know shit about Baltimore.

Ray Lewis and The Wire.

Ray Lewis and The Wire.

But nobody really knows anything about the Baltimore culture

outside of what they saw in those five seasons on HBO.

So when you talk about it it's it's it's hilarious because like baltimore is one of the weirdest places on earth it's truly bizarre and i grew up in i grew up in greek town which is like a fully isolated like little neighborhood that's like that's like all greek people and but like it's bordered by the most trash you've ever seen in your life. It's totally like, yeah, you have Baltimore white trash, which is a beautiful blend of white trash.
These are the people who wear the Ravens camo. Oh yeah, baby, the fucking Ravens.
Let's fucking go. Those fucking guys, the guys that are like, yeah, Lamar's good, but something about Flacco that I missed.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but there was something I trusted more about Flacco.

Like those fucking guys?

Traditionally. Yeah, there was something about him just a pocket passer.

This guy's a fucking running back that we're going to let him throw the fucking ball.

Like those guys.

I love those guys.

Those pants are my favorite thing in sports. The purple camo is unbelievable.
I don't think that they were the only team that got them. I think that was one of the NFL initiatives of the mid-2000s.
They're like, okay, our merch idea this year, because it was right during the Iraq War, it was like big let's go USA stuff. And they're like, okay, we're going to put out every team's colors in camo shorts.
And every other fan base was like, yo, these suck. These stink.
And then Baltimore was like, fuck yeah. Baltimore was like, oh, these look pretty good.
I'm about to wear these to my child support here and after this. Yeah, Ray won this one.
I'm about to keep these for good luck. And that bitch ain't getting a dime of my money.
Like, that's... I love those guys.
A bunch of those guys were all like, oh, they were so funny There was like counter protests In Baltimore going on When Ray Rice got suspended Which is like is there a more Completely open and shut Fuck this guy thing we've ever seen In our lives and these guys were all like This is fucking bullshit Put Ray back on He was like, yo, I had a cousin that worked over there at that elevator. Shit didn't go down the way you think it was going down, yo.
He was... Yo, y'all believe anything the fucking media wants to tell you, yo.
Like, it's so funny. These fucking idiots.
But yeah, the Ravens, I mean... I love it.
Yeah, so... I don't even know where to go from the Ravens I could keep doing Baltimore I was going to say just keep Just keep hitting the cloud Just keep pulling the string I don't have a question, I want to pull the string What's the best dive bar in Baltimore? Best dive bar, interesting I really the Crown, which is like this old abandoned Korean mall.

It's on the second floor of this Korean mall.

That place is sick.

Club Charles.

Those are my two go-tos.

Real hipstery type shit.

You like Natty Bow?

Oh, yeah.

You got to.

Natty Bow is a really interesting beer because it doesn't exist outside the city of Baltimore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nobody knows about it.

And it's not good.

No, it's not.

It tastes exactly like every light beer you've ever had in your life. It pride, baby.
It's like shitty beer, but people in Baltimore absolutely love it, but it's never made its way outside of the city. Yeah, yeah, that's true.
I guess I don't really see it here either. I mean...
I don't think they have trucks. I don't think that they ship it anywhere.
No, no, no. It's a guy on a bike that just takes around to all the bars.
He's like, drink up, guys. Yeah, 100%.
Yeah, dude, I fucking... I mean, I was...
The truth is, I was such a fucking, like, I was just doing comedy constantly. So it's like I was hanging out wherever there was fucking, wherever there was just comedy shows.
And that's why I love those two places. But, I mean, there's some hilarious, I mean, I do love fucking Baltimore so much because of those guys.
And then it's just like, I don't know. It's just such a hilarious.'m and characters are they're the best and i was honestly i was off football you know sorry i know what fucking podcast i'm on it was a little bit of the like it was like damn these owners really don't treat the fucking players right the colin kaepernick chick you know he's he's fucking blackballed uh and a guy who hits his wife is you know suspended two games a guy who gambles suspended the fucking whole year.
I was on that type of shit, and then we drafted Lamar, and I was like, whoo, let's fucking go! I was watching that draft being like, this is over. I'm done with football, just don't draft Lamar.
Because there was that little bit of he's going to fall. He might, one in a million change is going to fall, and then we got him.
He's better than you ever could have fucking expected. The Ravens are just – they are the model of consistency.
I know. Like, I know that the Patriots obviously have had more Super Bowls, but, like, when you look at the Ravens, it's crazy how year in, year out, you're just like – even this year's draft, where it's like, oh, they got a center and a safety.
Yep. Hall of Fame.
And those guys are going to be fucking awesome. Yeah, right.
It's just every year they just know what to do. And even after Ozzy left, that's the other thing.
It's like that was the point where I was like, oh, we're fucked. Because that's how these things go.
There's one guy who really is the architect. They figured out how to – that institutional knowledge is there, which is annoying for me because I can't be on my SJW shit.
I have to keep watching football. Right.
You have a winner. I have to keep watching football until Lamar is gone.
Yeah, the second they draft like some shitty quarterback has her has her placement they go like four and 13 you're like you know what i really i really disagree finding my morals again i disagree with how they're firm under the couch flyovers is a waste of taxpayer money yeah yeah they are yeah even even this like it is and i love lamar too because out of his fucking mind. Like, that's what you want out of an athlete is just, like, you want him to only be good at one thing.
Yeah. Every time Lamar talks, it's like, what the fuck are you even, like, he kept getting, he got COVID, like, eight times somehow.
He keeps having to shit himself, and he's still incredible. Like, that's my guy.
Why the buddy pregnant? Yeah. That was it all.
We say that line, like, once a week, because it's so fucking funny. He's the best, dude.
He's so fucking good. I'm a little bit worried about Lamar on the Ravens, though.
I feel like going into your fifth year, because they haven't given him an extension. They haven't really made any progress.
He's doing his own contract. He's doing his own agent.
Yeah, but I don't know, man. I get the feeling like they're weird about how much time he's losing with diarrhea and and stuff he would just be announced like last second oh lamar didn't practice again today because he was yeah cholera yeah yeah exactly he's got yeah he's got ecoli basically every day he's just shitting himself and the team was like real weird about it like they didn't know about it no i'm truly worried about him like working on his own thing and like them not paying him, pay the fucking guy.
He's that fucking good. I don't want to hear any bullshit about how he's, like, I know, I mean, that fucking Titans loss or whatever, but it's like, that's the problem with football is, like, it's one game.
You know, the NBA, people can fucking shit the bed all the time. It happens within a series.
No one really pays attention because it's seven games, but that can, that shit just happens sometimes. And that was a better game plan.
And I think if Lamar doesn't get hurt this year, I think they have as good a chance as the fucking piece of shit Bengals. They can suck my fucking dick.
The whole division. Oh, you fucked Joe Burrow, yo.
How about you burrow underneath my fucking nuts and take a suckle, you little pretty boy motherfucker. Sorry, he took over my body.
Oh, I feel like I'm getting a seance. We are a Joe Burrow podcast.
Yeah, I know. He's a friend of ours.
Listen, I know you guys are, but what the fuck? I was going to come in here wearing purple and not take a shot at him. I had to talk to.
And also, fuck the Steelers while I'm at it. Yeah.
Yeah, fuck Ben Roethlisberger, yo. Go to hell.
Look. I do love the Steelers fans having to come to grips with Deshaun Watson being on the Browns being like, this is not fair.

Yeah, Ben Roethlisberger, look, I respected what he did in that bathroom, but he was on the field, he was a dirty player.

That's the problem he has with them.

Boys will be fucking boys, gotta let off a little steam, but on the fucking court, court On the field You gotta stop being a fucking dirty player Okay I went to a Steelers preseason game one year That's the year they had like Michael Vick As their backup quarterback And there was a massive protest Outside the stadium I love that And there was this lady that was holding up a sign That said like Hey Michael Vick This is what a real quarterback looks quarterback looks like. It was a picture of Ben Roethlisberger.
Shut the fuck up. I swear to God.
I swear to God. And I was like, I thought I was looking at an onion, like an actual person who was the onion.
Incredible. I was like, are you doing a bit right now? That is so fucking good.
Are you here for the same reason I'm doing? Are you doing a bit too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was like, no, it's just disgusting.

I don't think that, like, the league should not have any room in it

for any player that would hurt a dog.

Fucking idiots, dude.

And fuck the Browns too, obviously.

Obviously.

Sorry I didn't say that.

And that is the annoying thing about Burrow is that it's the first,

like, Steelers wholeheartedly hated with my whole heart.

Right?

Not even an issue. Rapist quarterback.
Like, that sucks that it happened, but I'm glad I got to root against him. Right? And he should be in jail.
Now you're just going to give us another rapist quarterback? It almost feels like too easy to, like, hate the Browns. Of course.
They just keep employing our rivals keep employing rapists. So, fuck, yeah.
Fuck them. And then, that's the hard thing about the Bengals.
Like, Burrow is cool is cool i have to admit that he's fucking sick like he's a good dude he's good he's fucking he took that like that's a that is a legendary run like yeah like football is hard to get there like it's really hard and and it's like everything did kind of line up for them but still you know that it was because of him that fucking line sucked dick so it's tough to have a guy that it's like now i'm not rooting for anybody to come out with anything about joe let me put that clear and you can cut that you can cut me soliciting uh bad stories about joe burrow and it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be sexual assault it could be something else it could be he didn't sign a kid's autograph exactly i want he spit on a child. You know what I mean? That's fine.
It doesn't have to be... We don't have to go full Roethlisberger with it.
But give me something to hate the fucking guy with. Let his hair start falling out.
That would... Honestly, then I would be like, all right, he's on the team.
If Burrow was balding and just had to fucking... Had to do a comb over...
If he got real bad acne. Like cystic acne at one point.
Yeah, give me something. The fucking guy's got it too easy.
He does have to live in Cincinnati. Fuck that place.
Does the theory about coaches being good at fucking, does that hold over to the NFL as well? Oh, that's very interesting. I haven't given it as much thought, but we can do it on the fly here.
Because I don't think that they're – if you look across the league, there's maybe a handful of guys that would be competent. McVay.
McVay. McVay winning a Super Bowl this year would maybe help you out because he definitely.
You know what I say? He seems like a little too much show, not enough go. Correct.
When it comes to fucking. Well, he likes to take his shirt off and do a dance like Patrick Bateman watching himself in the mirror.
Yes, yes, yes. He can only come if he can look at his pecs.
Yeah his pecs while he's coming. If he can look at a play sheet.
He's just reciting old plays from 10 years ago while he's trying to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like he'd be like a jackrabbit too, just like real fast. That's true.
Like he only cares about himself. Oh, true, true, true.
The Harbaugh's, I mean, we're good friends with Jim Harbaugh, and we're pretty sure he just has sex just to procreate. That's it.
That's the problem with football, football guys in general. Yeah.
They love football so much they don't get pussy. Right.
Which is crazy, because it's like, as a football star, that's kind of the gateway in. You get all your pussy in high school as a football guy.
You fuck all in college and high school, and then you're done you know what i mean yeah but they are like

football coaches they they basically only have sex to just create more football coaches that's all they're doing out there somewhere they're not doing it for pleasure they're like we just need to keep filling these football i need someone to run some cover two drills that's why i'm busting inside you tonight don't get any ideas it ain't happening tomorrow just asking his wife

when she's ovulating

yeah we were saying that Jim Harbaugh just gets a boner like once a month. It's like it's time.
It's back again. It's back again.
I just had a big win last night. I only have winning babies.
I don't fuck after losses. You don't want that juju on your nut.
I think Belichick gets it done. Yeah.
He knows all the tricks. Exactly.
He's a guy who studied the Kama suit. He's watched those videos where they teach you how to make a woman squirt over and over again.
You know what I mean? Bill's just like, assume the position. And his fucking wife gets on all fours.
He's got a special fuck pillow. He's just like, da-da-da-da-da- Like he can wait forever.
Yeah. To come.
Like he has a control. Yeah.
Absolutely. Where he's just like nope I'm not done.
He does like cock kegels. He knows how to bring that little vein in your cock.
He knows how to open and close it on command for sure. Without question.
Good work. Yeah.
I feel like comedy has, like, right now, everyone wants to be a comedian. Does that feel right? I don't know, dude.
It's interesting. Maybe.
I do think there is, like, I do think there's maybe a little bit of, like, a comeback because I think for the last, like, 10 years, no one really gave a fuck about comedy. It's weird that, like, everyone, like, cares this much about what comedians have to say right like to me again i take the view like we're clowns we're the lowest form of show business i'm doing this because at 19 i didn't want a job right like that's the only reason and that's honestly most comedians is like the good ones just like kind of fell into it.
We're fucking idiots. We learned how to tell jokes,

but like I've gotten dumber every year since 20,

without question.

I was pretty smart in college

and I just forgot everything

so I could learn about like calling,

saying someone's asking someone in the front row

the last time they ate pussy.

I know like the way like Ed Reed would watch film

and be prepared for every possible answer. That's my brain on when it comes to like sexual crowd work.
And so I don't fucking know what's going on in the world. I have a basic idea of like we should treat people better.
And the fuck we're the richest country in the history of the world. Nobody should fucking be homeless and shit like that.
I have basic ideas, but I don't fucking I don't go out there and like you know try and make points or everything so i do find it very funny that everyone gives a fuck like ricky gervais right i haven't seen the last thing he's doing the trans shit i'm sure it's dog shit like i'm sure it's just hack and it's just like hateful it's the kind of thing you have to do to get a rise out of people it's punching down and that's that's the problem like i think people at the end of the day like comedians if you people can tell when you punch down yeah they can tell they can be like hey that's mean you're punching down. And that's the problem.
I think people, at the end of the day, like comedians, people can tell when you punch down. They can tell.
They can be like, hey, that's me and you're punching down. Gervais has always been a guy that's like, I'm going to go out and I'm going to shock the world.
Right, exactly. He does look at himself as, like we were talking earlier, we're the last truth tellers out there.
Exactly. And we're not.
I'm going to say some things that will make you uncomfortable. He's taking out like full page ads and being like, fuck trans people.
Does that offend you? Exactly. And that's shit you do when you're 20, right? Right.
And Norm Macdonald had a great line where people, he said this, where he was like, RIP, one of the best ever. People were like, people say comedians are the modern day philosophers.
He's like, you know who I think are modern day philosophers? Philosophers. Right.
Like we're still making them. Yeah.
They're still going to school. They're reading about philosophy.
They're not getting drunk and trying to get pussy from a waitress their whole like you know 20s so it's like a i think like comete like i do think comedy is cooler again but i also there is a little bit with that where it's like i'm back to come down a little bit where it's like i you know i joke about it being whatever but it's like i don't want to be fucking rick javet is like 60 and he's yeah he's trying to shock people. Right.
You know what I mean? Like I want to fuck it. Like that's a young man's game saying the dumbest shit in the world.
And that's a little bit about as much. I love it.
It's like, you know, I'm fucking third. When we started this, I was in my mid twenties.
I was living in a windowless room. I'm 33.
You know what I mean? Like you're rich. I'm rich.
You know what I mean? Like I have money. I've like, I, I I have a window now you know what I mean like multiple I would assume multiple windows one in my living room one in my fucking bedroom you got a door in your apartment now yeah dude it closes and everything when you get that first door that's a big step yeah yeah that first non-cardboard door I was just like opening it and closing I was like this is incredible have you guys so I just wanted so that's so that's the like and comedy should just be like fun and a good ass time like hanging out that's what i think my biggest skill is like i'm just a good time i'm a good hang fucking listen to a podcast talk to me on stage watch my special it's gonna be fun you're gonna have a good ass time and that's what i'm trying to do i'm not trying to make you fucking think yeah i'm trying to make you laugh bro you.
And maybe suck my dick after the show if you're a hot girl.

Those are my two aims.

No, you're absolutely right, though.

I'm sure I'll put that one first.

That really is the reason I do.

Would you enjoy

doing stand-up comedy

if it was just hot chicks

and they didn't laugh at all

at any of your jokes,

but you were on stage

and then you were definitely

going to get your penis sucked afterwards?

You still got paid.

You get paid,

but nobody laughs.

No one laughs.

Now, this is tough

because remember what I said? I'm not a philosopher, but I'm going to give it a shot. This is a philosophical quandary.
I guess it would depend how good the top was. Is there a way I could know? But that would get old, right? I would assume after like a week.
You want the laughs. There is a part of you that wants, but you just want attention.
You're a little attention hog. You know what I mean?

That's definitely who I was when I was a little kid, and it's who I am now.

And they're both kind of the same thing, where it's like you just want attention either from the masses or from one hot girl.

You know what I mean?

Whichever way.

Yeah, give me either or.

I like both.

I like a sampler.

You know what I mean?

I want a little sampler pack.

I don't want one or the other.

I mean, I love your – you are spot on that being a good hang is like it's you know it's not rocket science it's like people want to hang out with you like you're good time i like hanging out right i don't that's my job that's i went i like to think of it as like i went pro at hanging out that's what a fucking i like that that's what i feel the same way sometimes truly you guys definitely are like that and there's different like different directions to take it. I was actually going to hit you up about the Bulls-Bucks series to see if you'd want to do a live stream, but the Bulls were such a joke by the end of the season that I was like, I'm not going to do this.
But you should come hang for NFL Sunday. That would be very, very funny.
Oh, absolutely. A big Ravens game, I would love to go after that.
Oh, maybe a Ravens-Steelers, you versus Jersey Jerry. We got a character here, Jersey Jerry, that is.
He wears Steelers gear like almost every day. Like literally, he'll come in on a Tuesday, and he's got the Steelers shoes, shorts, like loves them so much.
He DMs their best players on their birthdays every year. Dude, he DMs Mitch Trubisky's wife when they signed him.
Yeah, no, you remember we had him on every now and then, and he totally unironically did the exact same thing as Mac and Always Sunny with Chase Utley. He did that with TJ Watt.
That's awesome. Where he was like, and when Mitch got signed, one of our colleagues, Caleb, is like best friends with Mitch, and he basically was like, I don't really want to interview Mitch.
I just want to maybe have a catch with him, see how his spiral looks. Dead serious.
Dead serious. He's doing reporting.
Not even joking. That's awesome.
But yeah, you're right though. Hang, you are very, very good at that.
What's the closest? Have you guys ever come close to being quote-unquote canceled or had the fire come your way? And what was your reaction? That's the thing. It's like there's nothing to take from me.
I'm putting my special out on fucking YouTube. Believe me, I wish I was cancelable.
I'm a guy with a fucking podcast. It happens to make a lot of money, but it's not like I'm not.
Like what happened to shane is fucked up i think that was completely what you know that's a very simple as an oversimplification of who he was he's a hysterical comic one of the best people honestly uh one of the nicest guys in comedy one of the nicest guys i know period so to take the shit he said when he was like struggling and like just kind of podcasting to try and figure something out and take it out of context and make him lose the biggest opportunity in comedy whatever you want to say about snl it's the biggest show like you know you launch your career off that show right shane would have been a fucking he still is going oh his his he's fucking hilarious oh so funny hey but he would like they took something very tangible away from him yeah i don't got nbc trying to give me a fuck you know what i mean they're not trying to put me on snl put me on TV. I think it worked out for Shane, though.
Yeah, 100%. I think that...
Well, he was going to be fine because he's so funny, but, you know, he'd be... Also, there's, like, boxes that you have to play in there where it's like, you can't do this, you can't do that, and you also have to, like, you know, it's not going to be your sketches that get made every single week there.
Right, right, right. So I feel like what he's got set up is actually...
it's kind of like when Big Cat and I got fired at ESPN2 after half a show. I was, yeah, I remember that.
Because I dip in and out. I'm a, you know, I was in, you were in the heavy rotation.
Now I just don't listen to podcasts as much. But I remember that entire saga.
You guys really got your asses fucked on that one. But it's similar to Shane where it's like the, yeah, I enjoyed it i mean yeah we're booting holes are you are a couple power bodies i'll give you that no i've always said it's it's like the lesson learned from that is like it's like the mob trying to go for real right don't get out of your lane that's a great point and like you like that's what i love about you guys is you guys have your audience and you have your audience and like you now can live in a world where it's like your audience is enough and you don't have to step out and play by these rules that everyone wants to put on everyone else.
Like, yeah. And it's like, look, I just, I just want to fucking put my, like, I want my comedy out there and then like, I want to do other shit too.
Like I'm interested in acting. I'm interested in like, you know, making my own stuff, but it's like, you know, I'll just make my own shit.
You know what I mean? And it's like, at a certain point, it's also like, I do, I have to think, people have to realize, like, words aren't the fucking problem. You know what I mean? Like, truly a joke is not the issue.
Again, comedians are not who you need to be fucking, I don't want to get too political, but it's like, you know, there's some real, there's some real's some real actual shit going on you know like in our country that we could actually put some of that but i think that's also a people are so powerless now that it's like yes we feel like we can't do shit so it's like well why don't we take this guy's fucking why don't we make sure that this comedian's family can't get health care because we said something we didn't like that would make us feel better Because we don't have the balls to assassinate a politician. The culture wars are so much easier to go after, too.
They're more readily accessible. It's like I can go online and yell at a celebrity.
And those people just keep coming online being like, why is my life hollow? Right, right, right. I spend all day trying to ruin other people's lives, yet I can't find happiness.
How's this not working for me? I know. And the nice thing is, it was a little bit like when you first get any kind of online fame, it is a bit of a shock, and it can be a little desensitized, so it can fuck you up.
But honestly, I feel like I kind of got my vaccine, where it's like, that happened early on in Cumbtown. I don't look at shit like i my youtube channel is another thing that i want to plug like please go watch it i put stand up every day uh i put a clip every day and then i also put two longer clips there a week um and that's where the special will come out it's just my name stavros halkis um uh i'm really like you know i really want to fucking put a lot of energy into that because I just love stand up.
I want people to see more of it.

But I don't read a fucking comment.

I don't read my Instagram.

I don't read a TikTok.

Like, that's over for me.

I don't go on.

I don't even know how to use Reddit.

We are perfect.

Yeah.

We I had the same path where it's like early on I would read everything.

And then you get to a point you're like, what am I?

Why am I doing this?

Because now it's affecting my own creative.

Yes.

Like energy.

where it's like I feel like low at the end of the day because I'm reading, you know,

Thank you. to a point you're like what am i why am i doing this because now it's affecting my own creative yes like energy where it's like i feel like low at the end of the day because i'm reading you know 10 positive comments but one negative one and then you just cut it all out and it's so freeing yeah because it's like none of it really matters they're yelling to avoid and i love the people who care enough like they obviously are fans exactly but every fandom every online like interaction goes the same.
It's like starts as a fan and then just is like these guys suck now. Yeah.
That's it. That's the evolution of everything.
It's like Dennis Quaid or Randy Quaid in Major League where he becomes such a big fan. Yeah.
And he goes to every fucking game. But he's on the app.
He'll be like, wild thing. You stink.
You fucking stink. And he's got like the big X on.
Yeah. And it's like, I don't even blame him because it's like, yeah, if you listen to something forever and you have to, and you like try to talk about it every day, you're going to eventually just be like, yeah, these guys suck.
Yeah. Because it's not fun to say these guys are awesome all the time.
But that's the thing. It's like, why do you have to talk? Like, why do you have to talk about it? I'm a fan of shit.
Yeah. I'm a fan of shit.
I don't fucking talk. I just enjoy the thing yeah i mean like i do listen to the podcast you know or like other podcasts that i like to listen to it's like i don't fucking think about their personal lives you know what i mean i just enjoy i enjoy the fucking thing they're putting out and the other thing is i there's ways to like interact like that's why i do love going on the road even though it's like grueling and it's like you know you're just you miss like i've been on the road nine months i'm getting fat as fuck as a result i'm just my whole life is nothing but you know comedy fucking chicken tenders just like trying to get my dick sucked and that that can take it's not a bad life but listen if there was a pill i could take where i didn't gain 60 pounds every time i went on a fucking six month tour that would be heaven yeah but it's like i feel my body you know i'm fucking i'm i'm hitting the big and tall store hitting the big and tall store I'm dipping my little nuts back into the big and tall store it's always tough when you have to go back you're like I thought I was done with this place forever I've talked about I had to size up this last year and the worst part for me was like all these people send me free shit which is great I'm not complaining about that but having to hit them up and be like hey double xl now yeah yeah like hey do you guys make three eggs yeah like uh you sent me a bunch of free shit i appreciate it but it doesn't fit oh dude absolutely but but like that's also why i like being on the road is because like you interact with people in a action in an actual way where it's like i'm on stage and i i stay i meet people afterwards because like it does like that's how I want to interact with you, like a real human being.
And it's like, you know, obviously it's not forever, but I'll try and chat a little bit with people, and it's like, that also is the problem with the internet too. I mean, we've gone through it a hundred times, but that's why I like the live shows more, because it's like, I'll shake your hand, I'll thank you, and I'm being sincere too.
I love that people come out to see me. That's favorite part of all of this is performing live right and that's you know that's just a better way to interact with somebody it blows my mind every time we go out and like we'll do like a meetup and it would just be like holy fuck like there's this you know we went to buffalo last last uh summer and we were like hey we're gonna be at this bar for two hours i don't think we took pictures for two hours straight yeah yeah and you walk away and it's almost refreshing.
It's like, oh, my God, there's an entire world out here that they don't give a fuck about whatever war Barstool's in at this moment or whatever controversy is going on. They just want to laugh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the best feeling ever.
And they like you guys personally. Right.
You know what I mean? 99.9% of the time, they're awesome people. Yeah.
Just very normal, regular people that I love hanging out with. Totally.
Like it's actually, it is refreshing to see that experience like face-to-face as opposed to just like somebody replying to a tweet being like, yo, the audio's off on this fucking episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, like it's nice to know that like people care about you, you care about them. Yeah.
I think it's a more healthy way to like experience comedy too is face-to-face. That's the whole fucking thing.
As opposed to like press play, listen to it on a machine and then stop it. Dude, 100%.
dude 100 and that's what's weird is like i don't like i didn't have the internet until i was like fucking 14 yeah no we're the last how old are you i'm 33 right so we're both 37 oh pfc is more like 27 sorry yeah yeah but no i think we're the last this like 30s mid mid 30s to late 30s depending on how poor you were but it's the last i didn't have a cell phone until i was 18 yeah yeah like so it's like the last like facebook was invented when i was like a junior in college like it's the last now i remember my cousin in college showing me facebook and being like you dumb bitch you're putting your name on the internet you know now it's like now it's like if i have thousands of hours talking about how little and fucked up my dick is just on the internet.

I'm having nieces and nephews and shit.

I'm like, oh, fuck.

That's all out there.

I was joking about...

Your uncle was joking about his dick.

It's not true.

But yeah, man.

It is fucking wild.

Well, this has been awesome. Everyone check out the special.
We'd love to have you back on. Dude, anytime.
Maybe talk some NBA basketball. I'd love to talk hoops.
I actually do know about hoops. I fucking love it so much.
And when Giannis is back in the mix, and then, yeah, fucking bring me out for a big Ravens game. Yes.
I'd love to do that. That would be must-watch, you versus Jersey Jerry.
All right, so we got one last question. We got the row back.
We got gear for you if you want it. Ooh, I love it.
R-H-O-B-A-C-K, use code TAKE for 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, hoodies, everything out there.
Actually, should we get Billy in here to ask a question? Yeah, let's get it. Because Billy and Stav, let's get Billy in here.
I'd love to interact with Billy. Yeah, Billy, I don't know what.
And don't tell him. Just get him in here.
Because when he doesn't know, he has to ask a question. We had Ryan Whitney on, who's a co-worker.
And I just was like, Billy, ask him a question at the end. And he just goes, so how was your Saturday? And it was Wednesday.
That's fucking awesome. His brain just, like, stops working.

What was the last one he asked?

He was like, what does your shirt say?

It was just a brand name.

It was like Russell Athletic.

It says Russell Athletic.

What a fucking broadcaster he is.

He's got it.

He's got it. He's got the it factor.

He's got it.

All right, let's see.

All right, Billy.

Here he is.

He's looking tired.

Looking awesome.

He's looking very tired.

See, this is a guy that I said was unironically dressed as Duffman.

You look sick, dude.

That's a totally normal outfit.

Billy, you have a last question for Stav?

Yes.

What's up, dude?

How you're an extremely successful podcaster.

Wow.

I just wind up.

He's trying to find his words to land this plane.

Usually he'll say, quick question. And then that buys you another five seconds to stop and think.
Well, I just would like to know, if you had to give any advice to young, aspiring podcasters. This is a really good question, Billy.
This is something I've never been asked. Young is...
Wait, was there a question? Yeah. well if i had to what would i say um well i guess i would i would ridicule the person who asked me that question that would be step one uh in this hypothetical if i had to do it and then i would say don't do it get a job go to community college uh it's not going to work out i think those would be my main takeaways.
But you have to understand, Billy's asking in this specific situation, how does he get me or PFT dead? Right, right, right. That's all he's asking.
How does he kill? He's not asking young aspiring podcasters. I see.
How can I kill PFT or Big Cat without anyone knowing it was me? This is Barstool's succession right now. He's Kendall.
We joked about it the other day in the car. We were just like, I don't know where we were doing or where we were going, but we're like, what would Billy's reaction be if one of us died? And then like, we all were like, next man up.
Yeah. No, he's like, oh, that's interesting.
And then like everyone like round on me. I just got a raise.
It's like when your dog starts to eat you when you die. That would be Billy.
Well, yeah, he'd go to the door for a little bit. He'd sniff around, see if anybody was coming, and check for breath, and then be like, Oh, this seat's empty.
I got to eat, too. So he really is dead, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I guess someone's got to sit here. Yeah, yeah.
Billy, let me ask you a question. Something I've been wondering is, do you eat pussy? Oh.
Because you got a big neck. You got a thick neck.
It seems like it could handle some pussy eating. But something about you, maybe the camo crocs is what it is.
Tell me you don't eat pussy. Can I ask you that and what would you say? It's not keto.
It's not keto. It's very keto.
What are you talking about? Pussy juice is keto, bro. Too many calories.
So that's a no, huh? Tough. Well, you know what? Then you're not getting the podcasting.
The only people who get podcasting advice are the guys who eat pussy. You got to have it.
Yeah, it's true. I'm withholding.
Come back. Let these guys know you ate pussy, and then I'll give you the advice.
That's fast. That's good solidarity.
Can we check in? Can you let me know when he's eating pussy? It's also like that's how you get podcasting points. You got to have a little pussy in your throat.
I got Michael Douglas pussy throat cancer on purpose. If you listened to me six years ago, I had a higher pitched voice.
I had to bring it down to the radio. You're a little nasally, Billy.
I would eat pussy just for the sound alone. He's got DVN and septum.
He might actually choke on pussy. He's so uncomfortable right now.
He's so uncomfortable. Dude, I've just been in the woods in solitary.
Actually, I shouldn't say that. You weren't in solitary confinement.
Basically. Billy can't say a sentence without incriminating himself.
All right, well, good question, Billy. Thank you, Billy.
Great question. Would you like rowback? I've already been offered rowback, and yes, I'll take it.
Thank you. Yes.
All right, Stav. Thanks again.
Thanks, guys. We're going to have you back on.
Anytime. Broke the seal.
Go watch the special. I can already tell this is going to be a fan favorite interview.
I love it. I love it.
Yeah. I love it.
Everyone, please watch the special. Just turn it on and just keep playing.
Turn it on. Keep fucking playing it.
Put it with just a little bit of volume. Let it fucking play over and over again.
June 5th, Sunday, 8 o'clock Eastern, 5 o'clock Pacific. I'm going to do like an actual premiere where I'll be in the live chat fucking around with people in the thing.
Hell yes. It's apparently good for the numbers if people watch it the first, in the premiere or at least the first couple days after.
We'll hop in too. Please hop in.
I would love that. Part of my ticket count will be in there.
Billy, I hope you've eaten pussy by June 5th, okay? Would you like to hop in On TikTok with these guys No we're not doing 30 minutes of TikTok Okay what about What about 15 No we'll do it later Tonight Or tomorrow We're so behind on TikTok Okay well that's I mean that's a you bro Billy fucking rocks dude He's just shitty at his job Begging on Begging on the air For his bosses to help him You just summed it it all up so perfectly. You've been in this office for one hour.
You are a truth teller. Communities are the truth tellers of America.
Oh, my God. All right, thanks, Stav.
Thank you, boys. Thanks for having me.
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Get to 40 off at mvmt.com slash pardon okay let's wrap up let's talk some hockey we have mcdavid versus mckinnon starting tonight which i'm so excited for that series oilers versus avalanche is going to be fireworks um last we talked the oilers finished off the flames in one of like best five-game series I've ever watched. Yeah, they're crazy games.
I think they broke a record in that last game with four goals in a minute and a half, back and forth. But now we get the Oilers and Avs in the West, and we get the Rangers and the Lightning in the East, and we have our darling Neems here, who is rock bottom.
Please let us know, because we actually started taping with a period to go. What happened? Give us a breakdown of what happened in that Rangers-Cains game seven.
The Canes got skull fucked. Hard.
By who? The Rangers. Yeah.
Have you seen the absolute scenes going on Central Park right now? No, I have not. Matt, it's just a bunch of homeless people.
Okay, well, we'll get you there. Yeah, we'll get you there.
It's going to be great. We actually decided before this that Memes is going to go to Central Park for a watch party and make a video that won't be released.
It will just be for us to watch. I think you should wear like full rangers gear too like really blend in that would be nice um now memes it maybe a big picture question for you uh this was supposed to be the islanders now you're an islanders fan right yes the islanders championship window they went to the eastern conference finals last year and before.
And the year before. Now the Rangers, a very young team, that their championship window, some may say, hasn't even opened yet, have already equaled the best Islanders seasons in what, like 30 years? Yeah, about that.
But the nice thing is, like, you've got an awesome coach. Barry Trotz, he has proven players.
He's just mean. Like, you've got to ride with him, right? Yeah.
Like, this is a guy that he got the Capitals to win a Stanley Cup. Yeah.
This guy's money in the playoffs. So, like, he's not going to let quality decrease.
As long as he's there, I think the window is still definitely open. This is so mean.
What? No. Oh, is he not there anymore? Yeah, they fired him.
Oh, well, all right. They fired him.
Fine. All right, so that might have happened.
But you guys still have the best home ice in the entire NHL at the barn. The barn's so nice.
At the Nassau Coliseum. The barn's not there.
Oh, what? Nope. Oh, no.
That's tough. What happened to the barn? It's gone.
It's gone. It's gone.
Brutal. The place that you play now has all the soul of the old place, right? Right.
The old arena? It's loud. It's old.
It's new. It's gone.
Brutal. The place that you play now has all the soul of the old place, right? The old arena? It's loud.
It's old. It's new.
It's new. Okay, so it's not old.
All right, so what do you think the Rangers are going to get? Because you also – we watched the game together, and you went through the entire range of emotions, where in the first period, Memes became a shoot-the-puck guy. He was just like, the Canes just don't shoot the puck.
puck they need to shoot the puck and then you transitioned into i heard you just mumbling this is a disaster and then you kept on saying the lightning are going to kill him yeah so that's accurate you so the lightning are going to kill them yeah uh four nothing sweep really no that's probably not going to happen. Okay.
It's a rest versus rust situation. What will

happen if the Rangers do win this series

to you mentally?

Just bad.

Bad, bad, dark,

dark, bad things.

Okay. Alright, any

last words? No, everyone at

this company is just a Rangers fan all of a sudden.

So that's fantastic.

Yeah, and they're scumbags, right? Oh yeah, the worst. Terrible people.
Don't you guys root for the same football team, though? Well, some. Some.
Some don't. Yeah.
New York is confusing like that. Yeah, they should just have one team for everything.
Yeah, agreed. They should contract New York City.
You realize all your teams would be the ones contracted. You're a Mets, Islanders, Jets fan.

Don't do not vote for that memes.

Keep your team.

Steve Cohen, though.

Steve Cohen, yes, that's true.

Dude, the Mets are incredible right now.

I have a fun stat talking about the New York team should have just one team.

Oh, this is coming from Dave Portnoy's Twitter retweets.

No, this is just Boston sports info.

Boston.

Making their 19th finals appearance in this century,

the most by any region in that span.

Perspective.

New York, who has two teams per sport, Yankees, Mets, Jets, Knicks, Rangers,

Islanders have just 10 appearances. Yikes.
So that's twice as many appearances, half as many teams. That's just New York City.
But again. And the Buffalo teams too.
Yeah, good point. And again, you didn't count the Buffalo teams.
They've been to none. A lot.
No, Sabres. Was that too? Was that 2000?...
Was that 2000? In centuries. No, they went to...
Am I making that up that they went to... I don't know.
A Stanley Cup final? I don't know, but memes, it seems bad. No, Hasek went with someone else.
But you still got John Tavares, and as long as he's there leading the guys, I think he's shown the stability that you'll need to rebuild. Okay, well, memes, thank you.
We appreciate it. I'm sure you'll be fine.
You're not totally in denial or anything. Yeah, definitely not.
The hate fuels back up on Wednesday. Oh, is it Wednesday? That's a quick turnaround.
There you go. 98-99 was when they won the conference.
So I was close. I was very close.
I do remember them going. Okay.
Thank you, memes. All right.
Let's finish up with one of the best stories. Maybe the story that will bring baseball back, which is funny because it needs football to bring it back.
But Jock Peterson and Tommy Pham over the weekend, if you missed it. So Tommy Pham on the Reds, Jock Peterson on the Giants.
It comes out a report that Tommy Pham slapped Jock Peterson in the face before Giants-Reds game. There was a weather delay.
And after the game, the reporters talked to Jock Peterson. He doesn't deny any of it.
Neither does Tommy Pham. They ask why, and essentially it boils down to they were in a fantasy football league together.
Jock Peterson was stashing guys on the injured reserve. Tommy Pham didn't like it.
Got upset. Jock Peterson then shared a meme that was disrespectful to the Padres.
And then we get the scene on whatever it was, Friday, where a grown man slapped another man, two pro athletes, over a fantasy football fight. And then Jock was showing the text exchange to reporters afterwards and be like, here's the GIF in question that I sent.
Yes, I did send a disrespectful meme to the guys. And then I guess Tommy Pham was like, you don't know me well enough to make jokes like that.
Because we've all been in groups with guys like that that get overly familiar a little bit too quickly. So you see kind of where he's going from.
Memes palling us. Memes palling us, yeah.
Jake this manning Hank last week. But I absolutely love the story because this is an unreported side of fantasy sports.
Because you've always got, like Matthew Barry does his little video sequences about the funniest punishments. Like some guy has to wear a dress and stand outside holding a sign being like, I suck at fantasy football.
He reports on those all the time. Right.
But we don't get to hear the dark side of fantasy football because I'm sure probably like nine or ten people get murdered every year over fantasy sports debates. Things that start in a fantasy sports debate.
That's what I want to hear more about. Well, so initially when Jock Peterson explained it, so it didn't sound like he did anything wrong in terms of the rules.
But there is always that guy in everyone's fantasy league that the guy who's like, he's the guy who's very, very active on the waiver wire to a point where he sets an alarm at 3 a.m. He's the guy who will send out trade requests every week where it's like three of his shitty players for your best player.
Just hoping someone accidentally hits accept on it. He's that guy.
So nothing he does is illegal, but everyone knows that guy and they're like he's kind of annoying like he just it's just a fact but then the fact that tommy fam got upset over a gif i then swung very hard back to jock peterson's side like that was just a funny gif yeah it was a fair gif yeah it was like three weightlifters and then get the padres one fucks himself up i think that's like you should be able to bust balls like that in a fancy group chat. Otherwise, what's the purpose of having the chat? Yeah.
And, and then Tommy fam also said, uh, we had too much money on the line. So I look at it like there's a code you're fucking with my money.
Then you're going to say some disrespectful shit. There's a code to this.
He broke the code. Chill out, dude.
Like you're a professional athlete. If you you're if you're playing for so much money that you have to slap another man maybe take a step back and be like this might not be for me jack peterson just should have sent him the crying faces be like who did this fam yeah yes and then tommy fam the best part about this whole story is tommy fam got suspended for three games and he didn't appeal any of it because he's like yeah i slapped the fuck out of him probably probably worth it for tommy fans like there's nothing like unloading a good slap i'm not here to say whether or not the slap was justified but when you connect on a good slap it's more satisfying than knocking somebody out yeah yeah absolutely because it's like you're my bitch yeah yeah i i i put in a request to try to get jock peterson on the show because the way he was doing his interviews it feels like he'll tell us everything like he was he just explained it all i want to know who was in this league i want to know how much money it was for like give us all the details because this now like this fantasy league this should be a fantasy league that we all can watch happen in real life yeah like i'd love to see this as a bottom ticker on cbs on sundays being like jock peterson has got 145 points tommy they should have to go head to head every day yeah yeah just pick a matchup i want to get into a league with tommy fam yeah i like the most dangerous game yeah and then i want to talk shit to him and then maybe i'll get slapped one day it'll be exhilarating like send him i'll be looking over my shoulder everywhere i go like fuck i really i really roasted him in the chat last night in front of the fellas he's probably pretty sore about that just send him the most disrespectful trade offers oh yeah he just cracks exactly yeah just absolutely roast him just laser in on so open invite to tommy fam i want to be in a league with tommy fam next year yeah or jock peterson yeah i think jock peterson seems like a pretty cool guy like i know that uh he't know if he's that cool.
Once you get slapped, you're allowed to share the text. The way that he was describing it, he was very somber when reporting on the different language that was used in the group chat.
He was confirming it. He sounded just like a lawyer that was talking his client through a guilty plea.
He was like, yes, there was indeed a disrespectful meme that was shared he was like sad about the whole thing i want him i wanted him to be just like go on the offensive a little bit yeah i want him to defend himself actually against allegations that he was being a dickhead on ir because i do think he didn't deny that yeah i think he i think he was being that guy in everyone's fantasy league where it's like dude just relax for a second like you You know don't have to do this the guy who basically makes the fantasy league his like full-time job and he just is always and then send you the trade request and then like 20 minutes later text you trying to convince you and like basically every trade request becomes a mini game of uh shark tank for him yeah where it's like just relax okay i'll get to it when get to it. We do need updates, though.
I need to know how the rest of the league goes. It is the best baseball story so far.
And it is because of football. Yeah.
So thank you, football king again. NFL is king.
It's like, I was thinking about the whole story, and I was like, the best part is that the NFL has made baseball relevant. So you're welcome.

More, more.

Seriously, though, someone, we should fucking do it.

We should fucking figure out a way to get these guys to, like,

go in a pickoff on the Barstool Sportsbook every Sunday.

Tommy Finn versus Jock Peterson.

I just want to see them fight.

I want to see them.

They should, like, if you get slapped,

there's an element of surprise that goes into a slap that you can explain away and be like, I was not prepared to defend myself against a slap because it could be a sneak attack. He needs to go after Tommy Pham the next time he sees him.
Yes. Like, there's some unfinished business there.
I will judge Jock Peterson very harshly if he does not even try to go after him. Like, you can't just tuck tail and walk away after getting slapped.
Unless he won the Fantasy League and he won of tommy fam's money that's true then he gets the last lap that's true how much do you think this actually was like so that 10 grand how much would it be for you to get so mad over fantasy league to slap somebody well so i was thinking about if it was 10 if each guy paid 10 grand and the winner got all 100 grand and like you were it was it was a situation where you were close. Although this was like week five, he said.
So it was early on. I'm going to look up how much money Tommy Pham makes.
I don't think he's been around for a while. I hate him just because he was a cardinal.
So he signed a one-year $7.5 million contract. Maybe it's like $50,000 each each yeah and that's probably worth a slap if you lost 50 grand in it yeah and it's also like it could be theoretically that you you know you know how we always do the math where it's like you could lose you you put in 50 grand but if you lose the league and you feel like you got wronged and you should have won it it's like i lost 500 grand because that's what i would have won you know what i the commissioner commissioner of this league has been mighty silent.
I don't even know who it is. I don't know either.
We're going to find that out. They need to investigate.
I'm going to start doing some investigations. Because the IR list thing, that's on the commissioner.
If somebody's abusing it to step in and do that, of course you're going to take advantage of all the rules. And by the investigation, I'm just going to text Rizzo and be like, yo, were you in Jock's league? Yeah, who hasn't? And he's going to be like, no, or not reply, and that will be the end of my investigation.
But yeah, Tommy Pham. But I'm going to be on it.
I'm going to be on it for the people. Open invite to both you and Jock.
I would like to have you guys both in a fantasy football league with you next year. We will say, you know what? Here's what we'll do.
Tommy Pham, Jock Peterson, we will be in a fantasy football league with you two guys. It will be the Pardon My Take League.
There's enough of us now that we can get an entire league together, and we will all tank our teams to make sure that you guys are 1-2 and playing the championship. That is our promise to you.
I like that. We will field the worst possible teams we can field just so that you guys can go mano-a-mano.
Yep. Blaine Gabbert, 1-1.
How great would that be? I would love it. I would love it.
Open invite. We'll make sure that they're – but it's winner take all.
But it would be great too because it would be people could watch us and we would have a pact between everyone in this room that we have to play starters, but we have to see – we'll actually do a reverse winner. Whoever can field the worst team of starting players every week will be our winner and then jock peterson and tommy fan will be the ultimate it's surprisingly difficult to do that i tried to do it i i think in 2014 i started a league called fantasy fail ball and that was the goal yeah but you would shock yourself there were some weeks when you'd be like okay i'm gonna start john beck so i'm definitely getting negative points out negative points out of him.
But it's tough. It's harder than you might think.
They're all starters, yeah. Okay, that's our show.
We have no show tomorrow. Back on Friday after game one of the NBA Finals.
Are you going to be live streaming, Hank? Nah, let's not agree to anything. Maybe we will be.
Maybe. You going to touch wood? Maybe we will.
Well, the first game is inisco i mean i can just do it from my apartment before one last one last question hank um because i know i thought of you when this happened was there a moment where you were very confused how the celtics didn't have home court yes when i when i saw when i saw that the warriors are the three see the cells areics are the two, I was like, I know my man Hank. This man, he's going to stare at an article for at least two minutes being like, how is this possible? Yeah.
No, yeah. Yes.
Was it when the announcer said whoever wins this move? No, it was before the game. It was Heat-Celtics, but it said Warriors-verse, and both of them, I was like, that makes no sense.
I thought it was like it said that because they were waiting to see which team it was, and then it was going to reflect correctly. Right.
And then I realized after the Celtics won that that wasn't the case. Now, did that affect your handicapping of the series? Because you said Celtics in six.
No, he knew it now. Yeah.
It would have been Celtics in five, right? That's how intertwined we are on this podcast. The first thing I thought of when it was like Warriors game one in San Francisco, I was like, Hank is definitely going to be very confused and very mad about this situation for at least five minutes.

Yeah, you're not wrong at all.

You're very correct.

Liam, were you the same?

Were you like, what the fuck?

Absolutely. Yeah.

It is kind of stupid because the seeding, like you're the two seed and they're the three seed, but it is record.

Yeah.

So, okay.

That's our show.

We'll see everyone on Friday.

Numbers. Six.
91. 69.
19. 26.
25. Maybe that's why you keep losing, Hank, is because you keep taking the reciprocal of my number.
You said four? Four. Because Hank's never gotten it.
I said 26. 20.
20. 20.
New number. All right.
What's going on, man? How many we got left? 6, 26, 27, 29, 51, 78, 88. So what's that? Seven numbers? Seven or eight.
Wow. Incredible.
What are we going to do when we hit all the numbers? Billy's got to be vegan. Billy's got to be vegan.
Possums are huge in the battle against Lyme disease as they eat ticks. Shout out Kyle Long for saving four of them this weekend.
Oh, yeah. Kyle Long texted me.
He was like, hey, should I send Billy some food? Because he keeps complaining he has no money. I was like, no.
What? Why do you saying that i don't are you implying i text kyle no no you just say it out loud that you're like you're like going hungry because you don't have money but wait why why are you preventing kyle from sending because i was like don't you don't have to send him food he has money this is fabricate i do not hit up kyle long no i never said you hit him up i think you just say it places he texted me It was He texted me. It was like, hey, is Billy that down that he can't eat? And I was like, no.
Well, I was broke for like two weeks because of the IRS. Okay.
That was hard. Yeah.
I was telling Kyle, don't feel that bad for Billy. He's just putting on.
Billy's low-key mad because you just stole meat out of his mouth. Exactly.
That could have been the last meat he ever had. Weirdest texts I've ever gotten.
Like, out of nowhere. He's like, does Billy really can't eat? I was like, what? I like to imagine that maybe Kyle Long has, like, maybe he's hunted something.
He's got a surplus of meat. If that's the case, I will make sure you get it.
If that's the case, I'll make sure you get it. Is he asking about, like, should I go to the grocery store? Yeah, I don't want Kyle Long just buying Billy you know expensive New York City is yeah but buying you meals is crazy that never happened there was one time I literally the state of West Virginia took out a ton of money from my bank account and I was waiting all right I'm gonna I'm gonna rectify this I'll tell Kyle I think he does hunt I'm like please a shitload of bison meat.
Yeah, if he's got something in a freezer.

All right, that's fair.

I'm going to be eating meat all of July.

Yeah.

Love you guys.

Bye. I'm talking away I don't know what I'm to say I'm saved anyway Today's another day to find you Shying away I'll be coming for your love, okay? Take on me.

Take me on.

I'll be gone.

In a day of truth. Thank you.
Slowly learning that life is okay. Say after me.
It's better to be safe than sorry. Take on me.
Take me on. I'll be gone In a day of time All the things that you say

Is it all I've told

Just to play my worries away

You're all the things I've got to remember

You're shying away

I'll be coming for you anyway

Take on me

I'm sorry. I'll be coming for you anyway.
Take on me. Take me on.

I'll be gone.

In a day.

I'll be gone in a day. In a J

J

J

J

J

J

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