Comedian Stavros Halkias, Celtics Going To The Finals & Joc Pederson vs Tommy Pham

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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, our good friend Stavros Halkius in studio, hour-long interview. Very, very funny.
If you don't know who he is, he's one of the funniest comedians out there.

Speaker 1 He's got a special coming out

Speaker 1 on Sunday. So listen, though, it was PFT and I both walked away being like, that's an interview AWLs are going to love.

Speaker 1 We're going to talk game seven. The Celtics survive.
They're going to Golden State for Thursday night. Start of the NBA Finals.
Recap of the weekend.

Speaker 1 Also on the other side of Stav, we'll talk a little hockey and the Jock Peterson, Tommy Pham feud, which might be the funniest feud that's ever happened.

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Speaker 3 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 3 and then a lot of soft work to be done.

Speaker 3 No place to hang out or washing,

Speaker 3 and then a candle game all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Trick I Venue

Speaker 3 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 3 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elaine Trick II.

Speaker 1 It's part of my take isn't about Marshall Sports.

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Speaker 1 Today is Tuesday, May 31st, the rare Tuesday PMT show, and the Celtics are going to the NBA Finals. The Miami Heat are dead.
Boys, we got something special to recap. What a weekend.
What a weekend.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the games are awesome. And congratulations, Hank.
Thank you. Very proud of you.
Yes, and Liam. Finally, Lynn Bubba, too.
You guys overcame the Jake curse. We thought it would never be broken.

Speaker 1 We thought he was just destined to continue winning and dominating all of us for forever. I'm happy I don't have to put a future on the Dolphins now.
Yeah, yeah, that would have been bad.

Speaker 1 Although I do believe in Tua, yeah, crazy game seven. I mean, we'll let you guys hop right into it.
I know that speaking to Hank a little bit before the show, he almost died in that last.

Speaker 1 two minutes because I don't know who would have missed this game, but if you missed the game, the Celtics were basically in control the entire game. And then with three minutes left,

Speaker 1 Marcus Smart hit two free throws to go up 13.

Speaker 1 And he then missed his next five shots. And the heat hit everything.

Speaker 1 And it all came down to Jimmy Butler in transition, shooting a three-pointer with 11 seconds left to potentially send the heat to the NBA Finals.

Speaker 1 He front-iron rimmed it, and your life flashed in front of your eyes.

Speaker 1 And now the Celtics, who I think we all can agree were the better team in this series, but the Heat, like up until the end, just kept on saying, we're tough as fuck and we're never going to give up and they just never die.

Speaker 1 Well, because the end of this game was kind of like the perfect recipe too, where it's like Jimmy Butler doing the thing where he's like, fuck it, I'm Jimmy Butler. I'm going to do whatever I want.

Speaker 1 And then Marcus Smart being like, I'm deputizing myself as being first team all NBA. the last two minutes of the game.
I'm the clutch player on this team. I'm going to take every shot.

Speaker 1 And that was, it was almost heartbreaking. But I agree with you.
I think the better team won.

Speaker 1 And I think that going into this final, I feel like the Celtics are a pretty tough matchup for the Warriors. Yes, yeah, we definitely got to get to that.

Speaker 1 I actually, I'll defend Marcus Smart in those last few minutes. Every shot was open.
Like, it's one thing to take shots that are rushed or shots that

Speaker 1 are contested, but they were very clearly like, we're not going to let Jason Tatum shoot here. We're not going to let Jalen Brown shoot.
Marcus Smart, you have open shots. You have to take them.

Speaker 1 He missed them, but you survived. So Hank,

Speaker 1 how are you feeling? I feel good.

Speaker 5 I mean, we haven't even talked about Friday night, obviously, at the game, hoping for confetti. Marcus Smart did take some shots in that game, which were like un didn't know what was going on.

Speaker 5 He was like isolation ball, doesn't pass, takes a crazy, like, step back three.

Speaker 5 Last night, though, Sunday night was obviously like with a bunch of friends. going crazy.
It was just a, it was a lot. Game seven staged a lot out of you.

Speaker 5 The Jimmy Butler three, I thought, was going in 100 times out of 100.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 5 that just felt like the way it was like, oh, you know, this game's pretty much over. They have to hit this shot.
And then like, oh, they have to get a stop. And they got a stop.

Speaker 5 They have to hit this shot. It was like, this is happening.

Speaker 5 This felt like it was all happening.

Speaker 1 The crazy part about that Jimmy Butler shot is like, it's not a good shot for Jimmy Butler to take it because he's not that great of a three-point shooter.

Speaker 1 But at the end of the game, if it's like one guy that you would trust on that team, if it's not Hero, who's obviously dealing with his groin, but like Jimmy Butler, when he shoots it, you feel like it's going in because he's a guy that loves to just kill people.

Speaker 1 Right. So that felt like that's the ultimate dagger from Jimmy Butler.
And I saw some people being like, that's a bad shot. It's like, dude,

Speaker 1 one, he, it's wide open. You know, it's a wide open shot.
Like, it was as wide open as you get. You could say, oh, he should have attacked Al Horford.

Speaker 1 I also think there's part of Jimmy Butler's like, I want to end this right now. Obviously, the Celtics would have still had a possession, but the Heat were out of gas.
Jimmy Butler played 48 minutes.

Speaker 1 He played the entire game. The Heat were completely out of gas.
He's trying to end it right there. I have no problem.

Speaker 1 Like, I would like to go down swinging like that if you're a Heat fan, being like Jimmy Butler taking that shot. Who cares about whether he's a good three-point shooter or not?

Speaker 1 He just, I want him taking that shot. I also think that there should be an award that goes to the best player on the losing team.

Speaker 1 We were talking earlier about how Jerry West got it back in the finals. He was the last player to be awarded the finals MVP.
In a losing effort.

Speaker 1 There should be like a most valuable loser of each tournament.

Speaker 1 Not because I think it's something that needs to be really awarded, but I want to see how the players react to being handed that trophy and the different ways that they discard the trophy immediately.

Speaker 1 Yes. Like, I'm sure if you gave it to Jimmy Butler, he would just spike it on the ground.
He'd be so mad. He'd break it instantly.
Yes. All right.

Speaker 1 So, Jake, from your perspective, were you okay with Jimmy Butler taking that shot?

Speaker 6 Absolutely. He's the only reason the series got to seven.
He got zero help. If he got any help, the Heat win this series in five or six.

Speaker 1 Max Struce was, I mean, they actually.

Speaker 1 I'm so happy I don't have to watch Kyle Lowry play anymore. That guy is like, he's the worst.
He is literally the worst.

Speaker 1 He's what people think Marcus Smart is. He just runs into people.
He's the only defensive player of the year. He just runs into people.
I swear, if Kyle Lowry spent like

Speaker 1 maybe even half as much time complaining, he would be double the player. He's a very good player.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying he's not a great player, but he just complains about every single possession, no matter what. I just love his body type.

Speaker 1 His body type is like the old Mike Tolbert body, where he looks like proportionally exactly the same as a gummy bear. Yeah.
Just like a little chunky.

Speaker 1 He's spilling out of like every single turn of the uniform. Like wherever there's any sort of tight fabric, you're going to get that little spare tire around the edge.

Speaker 1 It's always shocking to me when I see him do something athletic. But yeah, he's like addicted to flopping.

Speaker 1 He just loves, like when it's him and Marcus Smart going up against each other, they just, they both flop, they both fall to the ground, and they both get up and pretend to cry for a second. Yes.

Speaker 1 And then they just turn the page, go into the next player. There was, I saw someone tweet it.
It was, it was very, it might have been retweeted because it was probably from a couple years ago.

Speaker 1 But basically, Kyle Lowry is every girl's goals because he's got an ass and a ring. It's like, yeah, that's true.
Like, he's got a fucking dump truck. Chicks love a ring.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look, chicks like to have ass. Oh, they like, got it.
Yeah. Got it.
Okay, yeah. So, like, and they like rings.
Just Kyle Lowry in general is goals. Yes.
Right. He is goals.
Um, but he is so annoying.

Speaker 1 And so, all right, so Jake, I mean, that was that was pretty devastating to have that like flirtation with the comeback. You thought it was going to happen.

Speaker 1 It would have been, and it might sound hyperbolic afterwards, 24 hours after, but I do think it would have been one of the worst losses ever if the Celtics had somehow blown that.

Speaker 1 Because it was one of those weird moments where the game was over, the announcers were talking like the game was over, and then just enough random weird things happened.

Speaker 1 We're like, wait, what's going on here?

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden,

Speaker 1 it could have been poof gone if Jimmy Butler hits that three. So you're definitive, though, that the heel was not down.
You think that there was Max

Speaker 1 or you could slide a dollar bill underneath his heel? Absolutely.

Speaker 6 There's a few layers to this. First, apparently they were reviewing it to see if it was a two or a three.

Speaker 1 right so that triggered it yeah which is absurd because if you're out of bounds on the sideline yeah you gotta be not close right to being on the three-point line that thing was very like i didn't know that they were allowed to just take points five minutes later yeah like well they do that sometimes in like media timeouts and change it from a two to a three right but i've never seen them go out of bounds just completely yeah

Speaker 1 what's the statue of limitations like can can they wait until after the game's over i've never seen that before i've no clue so it did cost us the over it's it's yeah it did it did because it missed by a point.

Speaker 1 And potentially the series and potentially NBA history. It is NBA rigged.
Now,

Speaker 1 you could put on the conspiracy theory hat and be like, well, they're awarding the Larry Bird trophy for the first time ever after the game. They probably want to see the Boston Celtics win it.

Speaker 1 Let's get on the phone with wherever it is, like New Jersey, and talk to us.

Speaker 1 Yeah, have Sekakis talk us through this and see if we can't get rid of it. It's like calling up Raffensperger and be like, I need 36,000 votes.
That's what they said.

Speaker 1 They're like, I need the Celtics to make sure that we win this game game here.

Speaker 1 It's just...

Speaker 6 I've never seen that.

Speaker 1 It didn't ever happen before.

Speaker 1 I do think you can't play the game of like the game.

Speaker 1 The butterfly fact where people are like, well, they almost like without the foul, they lost by two. No, yeah, no.

Speaker 6 I'm not saying that's the reason they lost by two. Everything changes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it still changes.

Speaker 6 But I'm not saying that's an excuse. Like the Celtics were better.

Speaker 1 Hank, would you like to apologize for the Max Struce 3 taken away? No. Okay.
Absolutely not. Okay, so I don't want you to.

Speaker 6 I saw some Celtics fans saying that was a crazy thing.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a very Jake Marchian thing to do.

Speaker 1 If it was reverse, yeah,

Speaker 1 you should have apologized there. You had a moment there to be Jake Marsh, and you didn't take it.

Speaker 5 Well, if it was reverse, I would have been like, it's the right call because his foot was clearly on the line.

Speaker 1 No, but you should have just taken that moment and just shoved Jake, like shown Jake what it's like to be like, you know what, I wish they had given him that three. It would have been right.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And you would have lost by one instead of four.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was going to say,

Speaker 1 I'm not a math major. That is crazy.
I don't like

Speaker 1 absolute maths. I can't do the.
I'm not that good at addition, but I'm pretty sure that even if that three-pointer had counted,

Speaker 1 they won by wait, how many points? Four points. Four points.
But they fouled was worth three points. So they followed at the end.
That's what people are, again, it's a very stupid.

Speaker 1 It's very stupid whenever someone's like, something that happened in the first quarter directly, like then you could be like, oh, that's basically the points that we would have had.

Speaker 1 No, everything would have played out differently. Yeah.
And by the time that they reviewed it, the score was like way lopsided again, right? Yeah. It was.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Very deflating for the Heat. It is good, though.
In a weird way, it's good for Heat fans to have one thing to point at to be like, We got fucked. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because it lets you not realize that there's so much else that goes into it. As long as you're just like, if they call that differently on Max Struce, totally different ballgame.
We probably win.

Speaker 1 Right. Could have been.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not the only excuse.

Speaker 5 The video of Haslam after the game was very, very funny.

Speaker 1 Where he was just so mad and disappointed. Like, dude, you haven't played in forever.
He also had just perfected.

Speaker 1 I was laughing every time they showed him because he had just the most disappointed disappointed father face. Every time they went to the sideline, he'd just be looking at the refs so upset.

Speaker 1 And yeah, no,

Speaker 1 he definitely walked straight to the shower to make it look like, oh,

Speaker 1 I was out there grinding with the boys.

Speaker 5 Yeah, the last season's over as a player.

Speaker 1 You think?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 I would assume so. It'd be very funny if the Heat just gave him a max deal.
Just like lifetime conference.

Speaker 6 Juan Howard did this during the big three era.

Speaker 1 He was a player. Yeah, that's true.
That's true. By the way, credit to Al Horford.
The most most playoff games I think ever played without getting to the finals. That's a pretty cool storyline.

Speaker 1 And he also, Al Horford, he's just got old man strength where, like, he, there were so many times where Bam would try to like get around him or through him, and he just wouldn't let it happen.

Speaker 1 And so, all right, so

Speaker 1 there was one other thing that happened before the game that might have changed the outcome of it. Jason Tatum sent a text before the game, and he texted Kobe Bryant.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He texted Kobe Bryant's old number and said, I got this. So, I mean, Kobe, the Android guy? Is that what's going on?

Speaker 1 Was the pump green or blue? It was green? Billy, don't respond to that. Like,

Speaker 1 I was being like that, what I said was real. Stand down, Billy.
How does that work? He was just going to fucking correct me.

Speaker 1 Be like, dude, he's dead. He doesn't have a test.
I have a fucked up question. How does it work with phone numbers, though?

Speaker 1 Does your phone number eventually get recycled to somebody else? Is somebody out there getting Kobe's text?

Speaker 1 So, like, the Jason Tatum, like, he was wearing the Kobe armband. I think that's all very cool.
I was a little weirded out that he shared the text afterward.

Speaker 1 That feels like a very private thing that he between who? Him and Kobe.

Speaker 1 Kobe's cell phone. It's like the most private thing that you can do is text the dead guy.

Speaker 5 Who's dead? Right.

Speaker 1 Smarter child. Right.
And just. What if it

Speaker 1 responded and been like,

Speaker 1 what if somebody got that number

Speaker 1 and then they're getting all these texts for Kobe and they're writing back? Yeah, they're like, you should have been more assertive in game five and six.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what what if it's somebody that like really knows ball that's getting these texts?

Speaker 1 Bro, look for your shot more in the fourth quarter. Yeah, you're losing your legs on your mid-range jump shots in the fourth.
You need to hit the gym, do some squats.

Speaker 5 That would actually be great if someone, yeah, so like the NFL team, like group text messages from NFL memes.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes. What were you gonna say, Billy? No, I saw a Reddit thread about someone who was receiving someone else's like dead mother's text and just didn't have the heart to respond.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I get I have texts from someone

Speaker 1 like Jerome is the person's name, and I get texts all the time, but it's always like automated ones, so it's not actual people.

Speaker 1 But it's weird because it'll be like, hey, have you? Oh, no, I actually, I think you guys were around when I responded to one that was like, hey,

Speaker 1 can you pick up an extra shift? And I replied, and I was like, no. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They got very confused. Yeah.
They're like, what the fuck? They should just program it so that Kobe's phone just replies with the snake emoji back. Yes.
Just mama mentality. Every time.

Speaker 1 All right. So before we talk about the Warriors and the Celtics, Billy, we just realized, also has a lot at stake now.

Speaker 1 We shift from Jake to Billy. Billy forgot that he has to go vegan if Jason Tatum wins finals MVP.
There's literally a lot at stake. A lot at stake.

Speaker 1 Billy has gone through the entire range of motions with us before we started taping, where it starts with him being like, can you guys pay for this? And then it's like, how can I cheat?

Speaker 1 Yeah, how can I cheat? I literally can't. It will kill me.

Speaker 1 Is it illegal?

Speaker 1 How did Billy get himself in the situation?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Hank did have a great line when Billy was like, I need to be compensated some way. And Hank was like, well, every two weeks you get a paycheck, and that's very nice.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so when we had John Sally on, noted vegan, John Sally said Jason Tatum, if he wins the finals MVP, Billy was obviously telling him veganism is stupid, which I agree with you, Billy.

Speaker 1 And then the bet was made that if Jason Tatum wins the finals MVP, Billy has to do vegan for a month. I checked the odds on it, and I thought it was going to be more like plus

Speaker 1 300, plus 500. It's plus

Speaker 1 50. Yeah, he is the best player on their team.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's their best player. It's a coin flip, basically.
And so you'd have to be vegan during the 4th of July.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's the worst month ever to be vegan. 4th of July.
I would say Thanksgiving. July.
Yeah. Thanksgiving 2020.
Yeah, but you're not grilling all

Speaker 1 through

Speaker 1 all of July.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All of July.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 yeah, this 4th of July. Yeah, there's 4th of July.
4th of July, and then there's an all of July. The 5th of July, then the 6th of July.
Yeah, it's just prime grilling time. Right.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 So that you can.

Speaker 1 Good news is you can grill mushrooms. You can slice up a nice mushroom.
Fucking cauliflower. Farm to table.
Yeah, it's basically the same thing as a steak. By the way, you won't tell the difference.

Speaker 1 So many people are sending me recipes that just aren't vegan. One dude was like, yo, dude, quesadillas with beans.
I'm like, dude, for fucking cheese.

Speaker 1 Jeez, no, Jake was like, at least you can have pizza.

Speaker 1 Jake, I'm going to kill you. Wait, but Billy, actually, wouldn't it be, wouldn't July be one of the best months? Because all the vegetables are in, you know.
Watermelon. That's when you're like corn?

Speaker 1 Good corn in the summer. Like delicious corn.
Sweet corn. Dude, the best corn.
No butter, though. You can't put butter on it.
You should probably, you should actually go one step further.

Speaker 1 You should just grow everything that you, like, you can't eat anything you don't grow yourself. How about we do this?

Speaker 1 So it's like the Zuckerberg rule where like maybe Billy can have meat, but only if he kills the animals. I'm in for this bare hand.
Oh, yeah, I'm in for that. Oh, come on.

Speaker 1 Billy's going to be a little bit more. I'm curious to know how to do

Speaker 1 your neighborhood. No, dude, I'm going to go to the

Speaker 1 halal butcher place and then just ask to kill all the chickens and eat them myself. Is that how it works? Do they just let anybody go in there and kill the chicken? There's no regulations.

Speaker 1 I'll be like, yo, let me kill this bird or buy them live. Mm-hmm.
Like, I've bought live chickens plenty of times. Okay.
Yeah. You can't fuck them to death.
And then what? Then I'm going to kill them.

Speaker 1 You didn't kill the other ones. Or did you? Which ones? No, the hawk did.

Speaker 5 No, the hawk did. You've bought yeah, right.
You said you bought live chickens, but you were like implying that you've killed them.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, I didn't.

Speaker 1 That would be gross to kill. I'm in Billy's brain right now, and I'm watching him figure out ways to skirt the rule book on this.
Yeah, don't you? You can't buy this rule.

Speaker 1 You can't buy chickens and then purposely leave them out so a hawk kills them and then eat the chicken. No, I would kill the chicken myself.
What about a frog that you fucked to death?

Speaker 1 Would you then eat it?

Speaker 1 Frog's legs, grunui. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, you're you're in trouble. You're in trouble.
Yeah, no, I literally will look like Christian Bale and the machinist at the end of this month because I won't be able to source vegan food.

Speaker 1 You can't just Uber eat vegan food. Yeah, you definitely can.
Absolutely can.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 That's the one thing they say about New York City. It's a great city, but you can't find vegan food anywhere.
It might be the only place in the world that you can get vegan within 15 days.

Speaker 1 It's probably easier to be a vegan here than not. It's probably going to be $40.
I'm not going to be even $40.

Speaker 1 We're going back, circling back to the money. I think if I eat vegan for a month, I think I should be able to expense all the meals.

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't.

Speaker 1 That's a question for Hank and the explanation. I'm going to disagree.
Yeah. I'm going to disagree.

Speaker 1 It's going to be super expensive. I don't think it's going to be that expensive.
Just buy beans. Yeah.
Just eat salad. Beans are literally the cheapest food on the planet.
That's true.

Speaker 5 Make a spreadsheet, show the difference between a regular meal and a vegan meal, and maybe we'll cover the difference.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
So my I'm sure that is going to be a meticulously curated spreadsheet. It's going to be as honest as it gets.
My Uber Eats.

Speaker 1 By the way, I mean, we'll look at my Uber Eats orders from before and then like the first week, and I will show you like hundreds of dollars in discrepancy. Okay, okay.
Great.

Speaker 1 I'm sure that, again, I'm sure that will be very honest. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm looking forward to it because I think Loki, Billy, might get more shredded on the vegan diet. I said that.
He's going to lose a lot of this fat, and

Speaker 1 he might get addicted to being vegan. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What if you ended the month and your bench press max went up so you could finally bench more than me? And you got a six-pack pack by eating vegan.

Speaker 1 No, what's going to happen is I'm going to lose a ton of weight and then people are going to start calling me Billy 8 Ball again and think I'm on drugs.

Speaker 1 Is cocaine vegan?

Speaker 1 I think there's like people die.

Speaker 1 Do you think there's a chance that the soy will make your hands even softer? No, they're going to give me tits like you. Oh,

Speaker 1 and it's going to be terrible. At least if you drink Guinness, though, you love Guinness.
I can't drink Guinness.

Speaker 1 Why not? Guinness isn't vegan. Oh, damn.
Dude, I literally could have gotten away with just drinking, like, I can drink Horse Light, though. Yeah, there you go.
So I'm just going to drink Horse Light.

Speaker 1 That would be fun. And when I'm hammered, it's because of you guys.
Great. Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a great spin-zero.

Speaker 1 My bosses are like kind of forcing me to stay drunk for the entire month because I'm not allowed to eat meat. And the only way I can forget how sad I am is by getting blind drunk.

Speaker 1 Yeah, can I sue Barstool for just making me an alcoholic?

Speaker 1 Okay, so Warriors Celtics. Hank, how are we feeling? Nervous.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I mean, I think it's going to be a great series. I like it.
I like

Speaker 1 this series.

Speaker 5 I just get worried. The Celtics have, you know, had so many, so many points with K-less turnovers and just crazy, unexplainable plays.
And the Warriors are obviously the Warriors.

Speaker 5 They have all the experience. They've been here before.

Speaker 5 So there's just, and obviously it's, you know, one play here, one play there makes a difference between winning and losing. And that's what I get worried about.

Speaker 5 Where it's like I could see the Celtics losing one or two games just with like inexplicable bad decisions.

Speaker 1 I agree. I think they're very even teams.

Speaker 1 I think it's going to be a great series, but I was thinking about it and like the Celtics, they were better than the Bucs without Middleton and they were better than the Heat.

Speaker 1 And both those series went seven. And they kind of made like they made mistakes along the way where it's like, what the hell? They should put this team away.

Speaker 1 If you do that with the Warriors, you're dead. That's where I think it's got to be like you can't, you can't mess around with the Warriors.

Speaker 1 You can't be like, oh, you know, we'll have a game with 15 turnovers and hope it works the next game because they obviously have done it before. And the Warriors have, like, if you read anything from

Speaker 1 after their clinching game, like, it's hard for a team with that much success to be as hungry as they are.

Speaker 1 Like, they have a, we're trying to prove it to everyone, not only just KD and Kyrie, who we should mention were trending after game seven because both both guys left the respective NBA Finals teams to team up and get bounced.

Speaker 1 I think it's going to be interesting to see what kind of lineup the Warriors go with. If they're going to go with the death lineup or not.

Speaker 1 Are you going to go death or are you going to do Looney? Are you going to put Looney in there to get some rebounds?

Speaker 1 And they actually are getting the reverse of what's happened in the last couple series where guys have been out. They are getting guys back.

Speaker 1 Like, I think Otto Porter, Gary Payton Jr., and Andre Goudala are supposed to play at some point in this series. AI.
Yeah, AI is coming. Original AI.
Yeah. I just feel like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 A lot's going to depend on the matchups. And I think that the Warriors want to go with the death lineup again, which is just fun to say and fun to talk about.

Speaker 1 But I feel like if they try to go small, the Celtics could end up bullying them a little bit.

Speaker 1 But then what happens on offense? Right, you can't crazy guys.

Speaker 1 If you go small and you have shooters everywhere, the Celtics can't put two bigs out, which Robert Williams is hurt, very hurt.

Speaker 1 But it's crazy that he was even playing in that game seven because there were moments where guys were going around him and by him, and

Speaker 1 you could just tell he couldn't move.

Speaker 3 He had a sequence.

Speaker 5 I don't know if they showed it on TV on Friday night where he did three, like he did as high as he could jump for a dunk, landed, did it again, landed, did it again.

Speaker 5 It was one of the most impressive athletic feats I've ever seen.

Speaker 5 Like, basically, he did three straight box jumps, but like him jumping as high as he could, and then he was gassed, and then he didn't really, like, come back afterwards. Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that sounds like a CrossFit workout. Yeah, it was, it was neat, but it was like, he just saw his hand go flying, and it was like, he did it so fast.

Speaker 5 It was unbelievable.

Speaker 5 But I think he's like, I think he's hurt.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the fact that the Celtics are now going.

Speaker 3 He's just a constant, though.

Speaker 5 He gets hurt, then they can come back for one game for momentum.

Speaker 5 He's hurt.

Speaker 1 The Celtics going now two straight hard-fought seven-game series, and then they have to go play the Warriors in San Francisco on Thursday night, who have been sitting at home for a week now.

Speaker 1 They have the youth.

Speaker 5 You guys, this is a storyline podcast, right? Yep.

Speaker 5 I got a fun one for this series. All right.
91 finals. Jordan and Pippen knocked off the Lakers, who were in their finals for the sixth time in eight years and won three titles over that span.

Speaker 5 Tatum and Brown face the Warriors, who were in the finals for the sixth time in eight years, have won three titles over that span.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 5 That would be a fun storyline.

Speaker 1 That's a fun story. That is a very fun story.
Are these Celtics the new version of the Bulls?

Speaker 5 Got to start somewhere.

Speaker 1 This is the start of a dynasty right now.

Speaker 5 You got to start somewhere.

Speaker 1 You also have the revenge that they beat every team that they lost to in the last three playoffs. The Celtics did.
So

Speaker 1 they beat the Nets who they lost to last year, right? They beat the Heat who they lost to in the bubble, and they beat the Bucs who they lost to in 2018.

Speaker 1 So you got to figure out when they last lost to the Warriors.

Speaker 1 You also got to start getting your story straight for the people that are going to, because they are going to come, the people who say this is a Mickey Mouse run because you played against the Nets.

Speaker 1 They're missing Ben Simmons. They were banged up.
You played against the Bucs. missing Middleton.
You played against the Heat. Half their team was injured at the end.
I think it's

Speaker 1 the opposite has been said, but yeah. With the Mickey Mouse? No, they're saying, like, Jason Tatum's going through KD,

Speaker 1 Giannis, nobody, Jimmy Butler. You got to be ready.
One of the best runs out. You got to be ready for the Mickey Mouse guys because they'll be there.
They're waiting for it. The Lafrauds?

Speaker 1 The Lafrauds, yeah. Yeah.
All right. So you're saying that.
So

Speaker 5 that's kind of like a circle Venn diagram.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What's your prediction?

Speaker 5 Celtics in six.

Speaker 1 Celtics in six.

Speaker 1 So will you be on the wood when they

Speaker 1 hoist

Speaker 1 the trophy?

Speaker 5 God willing. I wasn't there Friday, but

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 Celtics in six.

Speaker 1 All right. What do you guys think?

Speaker 1 I think Celtics in seven. I think Warriors in seven.
I think it's going to be a really good series, though. I just watch it be like a sweep

Speaker 1 one way or the other.

Speaker 1 Something about a game seven winning another game seven on the road. Yeah, and I just, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Everything I've read about this Warriors, like after they beat the Mavs and like

Speaker 1 the three guys basically

Speaker 1 being committed to each other throughout all these injuries and saying, like, we're going to be back here. This is going to be it.
Like, we're going to win one more.

Speaker 1 That would really be something, though. I know KD has mentioned on Twitter that he doesn't care what other people say about this, but it has to eat at him a little bit if the Warriors win this.

Speaker 1 Oh, for sure. Yeah, he's definitely rooting for the Celtics.
Yeah, and just be like, okay, so they...

Speaker 1 Like, people are saying basically, oh, they traded, you know, they had Andrew Wiggins for KD and they're back in the finals. Yeah, are the Warriors better without KD? It's got to hurt.

Speaker 1 It's got to hurt. It's got to hurt.
Okay, Billy and Jake, you want to have a prediction? Warriors in six, and then I'm going to eat a shit ton of meat in Boston. Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Right in their face. Wow.
Everyone's just going to be like, who's this dude? Why is he eating so much meat? What are they aggressive in their face? What if Steph Curry wins?

Speaker 1 You have to only eat meat for the month of July. Actually, I would hella do that.
But can I drink?

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, what's the difference between hella and high key?

Speaker 1 Can I drink, though?

Speaker 1 yeah yes yes okay you'd hella do that though yeah i i've been trying to do that it's hard jake your prediction warriors and five oh okay so that's a mini whomping that's a mini j no that is that is a whomping that's a whomping yeah biased we'll see yeah jake how much of that is influenced by your current hatred of the celtics i don't hate the celtics then making the finals is good for the company it's better for the company yes that's absolutely true yeah but also it is it's absolutely true

Speaker 6 no one's gonna watch me by myself on a live stream in the finals.

Speaker 1 Everyone's gonna watch David Hank, but you definitely you definitely hate the Celtics a little bit right now. Yeah, okay, thank you.

Speaker 1 Um, did you see someone did an advanced analytics that Steph Curry shoots better when he's got when he's chewing on his mouth guard? Oh, when his mouthpiece is out? Yeah, I believe it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm telling you, the wingspan on the mouthpiece is getting bigger. Yeah, it's going up all the way almost to his eye.
He's going to poke himself in the eye with that. He is.
Yes, he is.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's do who's back. And then we got Stav.
We'll do the Tommy Fam and Jock Peterson discussion after as well as some hockey.

Speaker 1 We're gonna have to memes is gonna come in and cry for us, which Rangers fans will enjoy before. Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boars Head makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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Speaker 5 Who's back is Chris Castleanos?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 We talked about it on this show before. I think last summer it got killed.
It was, you know, the meme. There's a long deep drive to left field by Castleanos.

Speaker 1 Jake is about to have a stroke. Jake, you want to tell him?

Speaker 6 It's fake. No, you can tell him.

Speaker 1 It's fake. No, Jake, this is your department.
It's fake.

Speaker 1 Nick. It's Nick Castellani.
Nick.

Speaker 5 Nick Castleanos.

Speaker 1 Oh, Chris Castellini. He's a Christian.

Speaker 5 Chris Castellini.

Speaker 1 Yikes. Long weekend.
Game sevens take a lot out of you.

Speaker 5 Game sevens take a lot out of you.

Speaker 1 Nick.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I did get those two guys mixed up. Shout out to Chris Castellini, though.

Speaker 1 I knew what you did right when you did it.

Speaker 1 Jake was giving me this furtive little look, like, oh, he's getting mad. He's looked over at the same time.

Speaker 5 Nick Castleanos, the Reds player who's now in the Phillies.

Speaker 1 Correct.

Speaker 5 Today they were doing, the announcers were doing a Memorial Day tribute showing some people in the crowd, some memorials. And as they did that, Chris, Nick Castleanos, oh my god.

Speaker 5 Nick Castleanos had the home run.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's just, he's, he's, he's cursed.

Speaker 1 He's always there. He is.
Impeccable timing, impeccable comedic timing out of this guy. Is he cursed or is he blessed? So you can stay a little woke on this one.

Speaker 1 I know memes pointed this out in the group chat. I kind of, I think that they're setting him up

Speaker 1 when he's up to bat.

Speaker 1 I think the announcers are more likely to dive into the whole, like, I mean, it was our sweet Prince Harambe's anniversary earlier this weekend, but that would be a prime time for them to be like, and six years ago today, Harambe was assassinated.

Speaker 1 Right. And, oh, there's a Jeep drive to the left.
They know that, like, with how bad.

Speaker 1 What you don't think so? No. You don't think the Phillies would ever set him up like that?

Speaker 5 I think baseball is like the oldest.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the problem is that they're in the game.

Speaker 5 They're not that hip. Like, they don't know what the

Speaker 5 Nick Castellanos meme is.

Speaker 1 Oh, you didn't, you didn't trust yourself? No, I didn't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it would be... It is one of those ones where probably too much online.
Maybe. Perhaps.
Yeah, where we're like, are they setting us up? But

Speaker 1 why else would they choose?

Speaker 1 But they have the entire rest of the game to do it. And they're like, oh, Castellanos is up right now.
Yeah, let's run it right now.

Speaker 1 Was it the beginning of the inning or anything like that? I believe it was.

Speaker 6 So, they probably, if it's correct, I got to double-check. But usually, the producers are like, all right, let's run this tribute at the top of the second inning.

Speaker 6 It just so happened to be, he was the first one up. Yeah, he's just like, might have been a coincidence.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's he's the Grim Reaper.
Yes. What can I say? All right, PFT, your who's back.

Speaker 1 My who's back of the week is Existential Dread. Oh, this will be nice.

Speaker 1 Hank actually tweeted something about this out yesterday, pointed out that the summer of 2016 was indeed, it was different it hit different and um i i replied to him because i just heard about this theory you remember when we had um uh brian cox on professor cox he was in the large hadron collider experiment um there's a theory out there that the world ended in 2016 oh wow when that opened up a massive black hole on earth and everything got sucked into it and so everything you've experienced since then has been uh your particular version of heaven or hell depending on if you were good or not prior to 2016.

Speaker 1 So I just want to let everybody marinate that on a little bit because I feel like, I don't know, it's fucked me up thinking about it. Whoa.

Speaker 5 I think about it, I drank about it, and it's 100% true.

Speaker 1 So were you in heaven or hell? Heaven. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I think we're all in heaven. The fucking Cubs won a World Series.
And the Nationals and the Capitals.

Speaker 1 And the Capitals won the Stanley Cup, right?

Speaker 5 And that was the summer. I mean, that's when I was, I was reminiscing.
I was driving, listening to some music, thinking about Harambe and how that, like, it was funny. It was a funny summer.

Speaker 5 Summer 2016 was a fun summer, the beginning of this podcast. And then, ever since then, it's been, you know, wait.

Speaker 1 So, everything's changed. This will be a great test of if Billy's in heaven or hell.
If Jason Tatum wins finals MVP, he's in hell. Well, I mean, he did become a wide receiver after that.
I think so.

Speaker 1 He's in a better hell. Purgatory.
Yeah, Billy's been in purgatory for him. I've been from super high highs, but like also super low lows.
What were your high highs? I was all state my senior year.

Speaker 1 Fuck boss. Fuck.
Jose.

Speaker 1 I went to college, and then I, you know, didn't win the starting jobs. Then I switched to wide receiver.

Speaker 3 But then, like, yeah, it's actually been really weird.

Speaker 1 I sometimes feel like I have a forrest gump life. Yeah, yeah.
Like, think about it.

Speaker 1 I feel like any of us in this room could make that argument convincingly. Like, it's more likely that we're all dead and this is the afterlife than it is this is really happening.

Speaker 1 What notable things have you been around?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I was almost selected as a juror in Harvey Weinstein's trial.

Speaker 1 Almost, yeah. Yeah, I was there on the day

Speaker 1 that they were selecting selecting jurors. They didn't pick me.
You're like if Mark Wahlberg had played for a scump. It's like, oh, if I was there, things would have turned out differently.

Speaker 1 I was almost there for that. No, no, it would have been different.

Speaker 1 Okay. It was wild, though.

Speaker 1 I wish I'd been on that. I mean, just being around this is like

Speaker 1 a scump crazy. Jake, are you in heaven or hell?

Speaker 1 Hopefully heaven. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What about you, Bubba?

Speaker 1 Jake, that was such a Jake answer.

Speaker 1 Probably hell. Yeah.
Yeah, you got hit by a car. I'm being honest.
You You got allegedly hit by a car. Yeah, you used to be able to see in color.
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 who's back? I have two. One is European Sports.
Big weekend for European Sports. We had the Champions League and then F1 in Monaco.
Just a big weekend for people tweeting about

Speaker 1 European sports. Tweeting about sports earlier in the day than you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, earlier in the day, the Champions League, Liverpool, got fucked with their fans getting like, you know, that was just a total cluster cluster fuck.

Speaker 1 But also, I feel like every big soccer game has some type of storyline like that. Yeah.
Real Madrid also, that's just what they do. They just win championships.
They just win championships. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they were by far the worst team in that game, but they figured out a way to do it. Also, PFT, remember we had that discussion about how we can't really get into F1 besides Drive to Survive.

Speaker 1 I've found my perfect niche is that I don't watch any second of the race and then just say someone cheated after. Oh, perfect.
Because it was great.

Speaker 1 It was like I didn't watch a second of Monaco and then I was like, Red Bull cheats, and then I just had people just like getting in fights in my mentions for the rest of the day, and I was at peace.

Speaker 1 It was great. I just, I root for Daniel Ricardo because I like him as a person.
And then I also root for like something insane to happen. So then eight months, I can watch it on a different TV show.

Speaker 1 Right, right. Exactly.
That's as far as my Formula One fan.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I'm not, I don't even, I'm not even trying to watch him anymore. I'm just like.
Also, no overtaking in Monaco. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it rained. Real gearheads nobody cares.
And And then my other who's back,

Speaker 1 you guys saw Top Gun on Thursday. I saw it on Saturday.
My who's back isn't Top Gun. It's going to the movie theater.

Speaker 1 Because if you, I know that it's been nice that we've been able to watch all these new releases from home. But going to the movie theater to see Top Gun reminded me like, oh yeah.

Speaker 1 Going to the movies is so much fucking fun. Especially a movie like Top Gun.
Right. Right.
It like it like reinvigorates you. Like, yes, this is why.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, I'm sure that there's been a lot of people who've written about like, oh, yeah, movie theaters are now dead post-COVID. Everything gets released.

Speaker 1 Everything's on Netflix, whatever it may be. No, no, like the act of going to the movie theater, watching the previews, eating all of your candy before the movie starts.
There's nothing like it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I went two nights in a row and went back again on Friday to go see it. I thought about going on Saturday too, but I was like, that's, I'll go again with that cycle bit.
You want to go again?

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 1 It'll go like noon. And you go like,

Speaker 1 you have to see it. You have to see it on a big screen.
Mostly, and it boils down to like... We should see it on IMAX.
I did see it the first time on IMAX. Oh, you missed out on like 33% of the film.

Speaker 1 It boils down to that part of our lizard brains that you see cool machines and you're like, ooh, plane. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like you just, you just get like, you start grunting.
Like, that was awesome. And I did cry a little bit, like, Hank.
But that's okay. Fifth generation thrust vectoring turn.
That was insane.

Speaker 1 It was. It was great.
Great fucking movie. Great movie.
I haven't seen anyone say anything bad about it. Honestly.

Speaker 1 Let's see nitpicking top gun i wish i wish it had one boob yeah it would have been nice one boob one boob would have been good um there's

Speaker 1 no there wasn't no boobs

Speaker 1 just one boob really i just like to remind myself while i'm watching a movie that there's exists that there's tits out there were there tits billy

Speaker 1 there was a title

Speaker 1 dog fight football was so stupid yeah no i got pissed we're not gonna do any spoilers but you like that's not a spoiler. There's no chance that that game actually works.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's not a spoiler whatsoever. It's just they basically were like, oh, remember when we did the volleyball scene in the original, we got to have something similar in this one.

Speaker 1 Oh, so there were tits, but there were guy tits. Yeah.
Yes. Nipples.
Billy just likes nipples. All right.
Billy, you're who's back. My who's back is lacrosse.

Speaker 1 This past weekend today, the Maryland Terrapins completed a perfect 18-0 season beating Cornell in the national championship game. Crazy.

Speaker 1 Their past two seasons have been pretty insane because they are 33-1 33-1 in the past two years. Their only loss was to UVA in the 2021 championship game.

Speaker 1 So they're an absolute wagon.

Speaker 1 Another win for the Big Ten. Now, I'm going to butcher this name, but Logan Wisnowska, a Syracuse transfer, scored 61 goals with 103 points all season.

Speaker 1 The first Terrebron to score 100 points in a season in all time. Question for you, Billy, because a lot of people were saying this.

Speaker 1 I was touting the Big Ten for winning a championship, and people were saying that Maryland just had a ton of transfers, and they didn't build their own culture. What do we say to those people?

Speaker 1 They built their own culture through transfers. Okay, there we go.
That answer. That is their culture.
It's a transfer culture.

Speaker 3 But also.

Speaker 1 It's a carpetbagging culture. Yeah, it's just immigration.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Melting pot.

Speaker 1 So actually,

Speaker 1 one of the Water Dogs draft picks was on the team, Jake Higgins. He probably sucks.
No, no, he's a shortstick D-mid. No, but once he gets into our culture.
He sucks, dude.

Speaker 1 No, our culture is going going to ruin him.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 1 another thing, the Water Dogs open up this weekend on Sunday versus the Canons at 1 p.m. You'll probably lose.

Speaker 1 Jake and I are going to be up there

Speaker 1 working with the Water Dogs. We're not going to be on Thursday's show.
Tell them they suck. No, I'm from us.
They're professionals. Jake, you have to tell them that we said they suck.

Speaker 1 So we will be attending Media Day. Yep.
Thursday. So could we get a question?

Speaker 6 Yeah, you can forward some questions. Okay, Billy's welcome to ask questions too.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a mistake. Yeah.
No, I'm actually talking about the number one lacrosse mindset.

Speaker 1 Loki, have you guys thought about how cool it is to be in a pro lacrosse league?

Speaker 1 Hank, what's up?

Speaker 5 I just wanted to hear the end of that.

Speaker 1 He's the number one.

Speaker 1 He's the number one lacrosse mind in America.

Speaker 1 I think I'm the biggest lax guy in this room. Yeah, I mean, Hank basically brought back lax.
He brought the sport back from the day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but Hank said sport of the future, and then the PLL started. Like, I think Paul Rabel listened to Hank say that.
I know, and he made the PLL. But, like, grow the game, sport of the future.

Speaker 1 That's like a lacrosse tagline. No, no, no, no.
Hank came on Tuesday. Who do you think? Where do you think the tagline came? You didn't create.

Speaker 1 He did. He did.
On this podcast. He created.
I remember hearing it, but then this helps your forest gump like

Speaker 1 a storyline.

Speaker 1 This podcast created lacrosse, essentially. Yeah, we invented it.
It basically went from like Native Americans to Jim Brown, to pardon my take.

Speaker 1 Those are pretty much the only three big moments in the world.

Speaker 5 Also, when I was like 10, I did a summer lacrosse camp for like three weeks.

Speaker 1 How do you like Tim Apples? That was way before you. Wait.
Dude, you weren't even born. Okay.

Speaker 1 Jake, you're who's back here.

Speaker 6 Well, no, I was to piggyback off of Billy. Yeah, so we'll be down up.
We'll be up in Albany for a PL training camp. Thursday is Media Day.
Friday, some practice drills.

Speaker 6 Billy's going to get in on the action.

Speaker 1 And so is memes.

Speaker 6 And so is memes. So it should be fun.
And then, yeah, Saturday, Sunday

Speaker 6 is opening weekend in Albany.

Speaker 1 Love it. I mean, I don't love it.

Speaker 1 I love that you guys are going to be. I love it for you guys.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Water ducks. We don't really start seasons well.
Yeah. We peak in the second half.
And we don't end them either.

Speaker 1 They won the regular season last year. Yeah, but we got off the street.
They're the one stinker in the start. Great.

Speaker 1 Should we put a banner up? Loser top. Yeah, they're president's trophy winners.
When they win something real, that means. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Is memes suiting up too? Yes.

Speaker 1 So he's way better than college. I know.

Speaker 1 He played in college.

Speaker 1 I could have, but

Speaker 1 like I committed to football.

Speaker 3 No, I.

Speaker 3 Did you commit to football?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 But we can do some one-on-ones. It'll be fun.
Beautiful. Thank God.
Because I was thinking I was going to have to go against the pros and just actually. Water dogs aren't really pros.

Speaker 1 Dude, these guys are world-class athletes. Billy.

Speaker 1 Dude, I know. You don't understand.

Speaker 1 We break them down and then we build them back up. I'm trying to show respect to them so I don't show up.
We don't just have respect. We do not respect them.
Yard sale me and break my arm.

Speaker 1 I heard that they might fold the team, actually. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We actually should fold it. I'm considering it.
We can hit the nuclear button. I'm thinking.
Paul Rabel gave us that button. It's in the pile.

Speaker 1 It's embarrassing what they put us through at the beginning of the season last year. Actually, they've made serious moves in the offseason personnel wise.
I haven't thinked.

Speaker 1 No, but I think that they got a shot, and I would actually like some shares so I can get a ring if they win. We might sell the team.
Can I buy the shares from you? No. No.

Speaker 1 I'm going to sell mine to Dan Snyder, and they'll somehow get worse. I'll give you all the shares if you go vegan for a year.
Fuck that. All right.
Let's get to our interview.

Speaker 1 Wait, Jane, do you have another who's back?

Speaker 6 Yeah, quick who's back is tennis. I know when I bring it up on the show, it's because something big is happening.

Speaker 6 Jokovich Nadal, French Open quarterfinals tonight.

Speaker 1 When? Oh, tonight. Tonight.
What time?

Speaker 6 It's the back end of a doubleheader, so it depends.

Speaker 1 Wait, they're playing it at night R time?

Speaker 6 It's 8.45 Roland Garrows time.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's

Speaker 1 ahead. It's like before.
Two o'clock. It's like 3 o'clock.
Early 10 o'clock. I'm out.
I'm out.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but no, you'll see a tweet about it. You'll tune in for like the third or fourth set.
It's a big one.

Speaker 1 They shouldn't be playing Jokovich. It's behind the quarterfinal.
If Djokovic wins, Big Cat will send a tweet. I told you, if he loses, he'll pretend it never happens.

Speaker 6 Well, if he wins, especially on this one, you got to dance on the tombstones of the Rafa fans.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 6 he's the king of clay. This

Speaker 1 is the tournament. Don't worry.
So I'm just getting you ready. Don't worry about that.
Do they sell pieces of clay from Roland Garros? I feel like that's

Speaker 1 a gold mine right there. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah. So that's the quarterfinal matchup.

Speaker 1 Okay. Should be fun.
I'm excited for that. Yeah.
To not watch.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I've just.
You'll remind me. Just text me updates.
Okay. Okay.
But not too many.

Speaker 6 Every set.

Speaker 1 Nine.

Speaker 6 Two. Best of five.

Speaker 1 Just tell me if you think Jokovich is going to win.

Speaker 6 If he's about to win, I'll give you a win.

Speaker 1 If he's about to win, tell you. Give me a head to me.
Okay, all right. Perfect.
Billy has this look on his face like he's

Speaker 1 being left out of his face. Last who's back.
Finland. Finland once again proving they're a real country.
They

Speaker 1 They won the international hockey.

Speaker 1 I saw that. That was cool.
Canada.

Speaker 1 They won the gold medal, and then they won the World Hockey Championship. Finland is allegedly a real country.

Speaker 1 This is just a psyop. Yeah, SYOP for sure.
This is Finland's golden generation.

Speaker 1 No, I think that the snipers in World War II, those guys were legit. They shot

Speaker 1 200 people a person. Two gold medals in the calendar year.
That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 Pretty damn good. Okay, let's get to our interview.
We got Stavros coming up. You're all going to love it.

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Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is comedian actor.

Speaker 1 You You were in some shit, right?

Speaker 3 I'm in some fucking shit, baby.

Speaker 1 It is podcaster

Speaker 1 from the famous podcast Come Town, which I love that we'll get into that. Yeah, yeah.
It is Stavros. I'm not even going to attempt to say your last name.

Speaker 3 I think you got it if you believe in yourself.

Speaker 1 Halkias.

Speaker 3 Really good, actually. Pretty close.
Actually, that's how it... The As is a real Greek pronunciation.
Most people butcher it. You nailed it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Stavros Halkias.
Nailed it. Nailed it.
Beautiful.

Speaker 1 He is a very, very funny dude. This is,

Speaker 1 it's really funny that you're here because, you know, we'll have big celebrities, athletes, and stuff.

Speaker 1 But when the word spread that you were coming to this office, the amount of people that came up with me were like, dude, is Stav coming in? Is Stav coming in? I'm like, yeah, he's coming in.

Speaker 1 So you have a ton of fans here, and you obviously are very, very successful. You have a new stand-up coming out on YouTube.
That's right. Your special, which is called Live at the Lodge Room.

Speaker 1 Yes, sir. June 5th.
Let's talk about that because you. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 basically funded this yourself, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 3 Well, first of all, I want to say that doesn't surprise. I mean, it sounds like it's funny that this office, I would have a lot of fans because my main demographic is losers in their 20s.

Speaker 3 I took a little peek around the office, lines right up.

Speaker 3 I see a lot of my core fan base in here.

Speaker 1 Pub is laughing a little too hard.

Speaker 1 He was like, I'm so excited for Stop.

Speaker 3 I will say what I left out to be polite was that don't get pussy.

Speaker 3 But, you know, Bub, it looks like you get pussy, dude.

Speaker 1 You're a cute kid. You're a little pussy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah,

Speaker 1 there's a lot of that in this office.

Speaker 3 I love it. That's my guys.

Speaker 3 That's who I was, don't forget, in my fucking early 20s.

Speaker 1 And now you've graduated superstar.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Now I'm a, yes.
Now I was a caterpillar who became just a fatter caterpillar

Speaker 3 who gets the fuck now.

Speaker 3 There was no butterfly situation but yeah no things are good man and uh yeah so the special let's talk about because you did you pitch it yeah so it's pretty hard like it is funny because i mean you guys understand this company is kind of like it where um you guys are huge and like Twitch is huge and all this shit and podcasts are big and it's like mainstream media people don't understand that.

Speaker 3 They don't.

Speaker 3 And I had some inroads with some like places where I could have like, you know, we were having some discussions about places, but the pay was dog shit.

Speaker 3 And it's like, no one is really going to push a relatively unknown guy's like comedy. Like, Netflix doesn't give a fuck about.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, if I got on Netflix, it would be buried underneath like dating while autistic or whatever the fuck, you know?

Speaker 3 It would be like, if it was some guy in like a dolphin prosthetic trying to get his dick sucked, would get way more like algorithm love than I would.

Speaker 3 And so I just figured like, I had a couple friends who did this, like Sam Murrell, very funny, Mark Normand.

Speaker 1 Shane Gillis did it.

Speaker 3 Shane, great special. Fucking special.

Speaker 3 funny yeah yeah shane did it which is awesome and i just said fuck it i don't want to like and even if i was going to do with people it was going to take forever to get out and it's like i shot this thing in december and i'm like let's just get it out there and then i just kind of like

Speaker 3 for fun started posting on youtube just to just like some throwaway crowd work clips and people seemed to really fucking like it so i was like fuck it my youtube channel's big i just want people to see it because Most people know me as a podcaster, which is hysterical.

Speaker 3 Come Town? Yeah, Cometown. It's like, which is like, look, the show's great.
Literally took my family out of poverty, so I can't be mad about Cometown.

Speaker 3 But imagine if the dumbest thing you've ever done is what popped you huge and the thing that you, I mean, kind of.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, you're right.

Speaker 1 You were probably the only people who can understand this. You were part of like the great Renaissance of podcasting.
We're not.

Speaker 1 It was like, you know, it was like

Speaker 3 2016. I don't get it.
It makes sense. Why don't you guys have a huge Cometown office?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was like Cometown part of my take in chapo started like it was nice in the same couple years. It's the Holy Trinity.
It's kind of beautiful that

Speaker 1 it's beautiful that you guys have like so much shit that people could use as ammunition against you. Yes.
But it's all out there and it's all part of the story. It's all documented.

Speaker 1 And it's like we are what we are. And for you in particular, like doing the show the way that you're doing it, like you've got your audience built in.

Speaker 1 You don't need Netflix to help you promote it and for them to take a cut out of it. Don't get into a big messy contract situation with them.
You can do it all yourself.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and dude, more than anything, I just want people to see it because I don't think like people think of me as a stand-up comic and it's like the thing I've dedicated my entire life to, you know, and the thing that I think I'm the best at.

Speaker 3 Like podcasting is whatever. I honestly think podcasting is, I mean, we're really pulling the biggest scam of all time over on people.
This is complete bullshit.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, and, but it takes no effort. If you happen to know how to fucking talk, you just fucking waltz into an easy, like we kind of all hit a lottery here.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 If we were born three years earlier, three years later we're all broke well yeah

Speaker 1 and it is one of those funny things we've talked about it before but like when you tell someone you podcast you can't like sound like a bigger loser 100 and it's it's always funny when i'll like say it and i'm getting now into like because i have kids and i'll be like saying it at like birthday parties for a three-year-old and i'll have to be like but but my podcast does make money like like let me just follow it up with that there needs to be a different word for successful podcasts

Speaker 1 every time i say they're like what what do you do it's like i podcast like they just look at me like what yeah yeah are you okay 100 100 i just used to lie and be like i i do i do a radio show it wasn't a full lie yeah because at the time i was doing like 45 minutes a day on serious sure and i would just be like tell anybody new yeah i do i do a serious my mom thought like that was a big deal when i got that radio show on serious which i did not give a fuck about like i sat down in a chair for 45 minutes and then left and my mom was like oh my god you're on serious radio that's incredible i can listen to you now it's like mom I really don't care.

Speaker 1 That's the stand-up special. The stand-up special now feels like, hey, I have a stand-up special.

Speaker 3 And it's true. It's funny you say that because it's like radio, no one gives a fuck about it.
And on some level, I understand that no one cares about stand-up that much. Like, podcasts.

Speaker 1 I disagree. Well, I love it.
You guys are the big truth tellers. Yeah.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Without you, society crumbles.
That's why you gotta protect people from attacking

Speaker 1 Chris Rock. Yeah, yeah.
If anybody slaps you, I will fucking choke them out.

Speaker 3 That was the best when comedians were like,

Speaker 1 this was an attack on freedom of speech.

Speaker 3 And it's like, come on, man.

Speaker 3 We tell pussy jokes. You know what I mean? It's like, no one gives a fuck.

Speaker 1 We had Judd Appentau in the next day. Oh, yeah.
And

Speaker 1 he was number one on like, this is assault. Dude, that's so fucking funny.

Speaker 3 First of all, Chris Rock and Will Smith, the comedians that were posting about it, it's like, you have nothing in common with Chris Rock. You were not, you were only technical.

Speaker 3 The way like some guy says he's a podcaster, some guy off the street has like 30 followers, says he's, the way you and that guy have something in common with podcasting.

Speaker 3 That's the way most people posting about Chris Rock had, you know what I mean? Like, they're only stand-ups in name only.

Speaker 3 This is a fucking million, two of the most famous guys of all time slapped each other. It was hilarious, right? It was really fucking funny that somebody got slapped at the Oscars.

Speaker 3 Some guy who's been publicly cucked, who's the most, the most beloved man in the world, was cucked so hard, his brain melted 30 minutes before he was going to win his Oscar.

Speaker 3 Like, it was incredibly, incredible timing. Will Smith has been the most like Scientologist, manicured, like public persona.

Speaker 3 Jada got so much dick on the side that it fucking melted his brain and he slapped Chris Rock.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, he was just going to win his Oscar. It was, if that's not fucking funny to you, then what's the, that's hysterical.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like the biggest superstar act, one of the biggest superstar actors slapped the biggest superstar

Speaker 1 of the last 25 years because he made a joke about his wife that he only cared about the joke because he looked over at his wife and he was like, oh, she's mad.

Speaker 1 She's probably going to fuck somebody else unless I slap Chris Rock for this.

Speaker 1 It's a very funny situation. It's hysterical.
But now people are like, you know, we're great truth tellers out there. And like,

Speaker 1 it could be me next.

Speaker 3 Yeah, exactly. Oh, really? It's you next at fucking Magoobi's Joke House, which is my home club.
I love it. In Timonia, Maryland.
No one is slapping you because you're like, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 I don't get, my wife doesn't suck my dick enough.

Speaker 1 It's like, no one is about to slap you, you fucking loser.

Speaker 3 I hated that shit because it's like, we're completely. I come from a very like comedians are clowns perspective.

Speaker 3 I'm not, listen, I'm not making any fucking points. I'm not a point maker.
I'm here to have a good ass time. You know what I mean? Just fucking talk about my sexual like embarrassments.

Speaker 3 Like comedians should be getting embarrassed. Right.
In many ways, getting slapped is the most comedian thing possible.

Speaker 3 The only thing I would have liked is if Chris Rock would have been like, I mean, how awesome would have been if it's like, if he just talked about Jado

Speaker 3 getting cop on the side at the Oscars. That's the only thing that heightens hides that.
If he's like, oh, it smelled like August Al Cena's finger. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 He just said something.

Speaker 3 You know, he wanted to in his heart. I saw it.
You can see the little flicker because Chris Rock could have done that.

Speaker 1 Oh, he could have just eviscerated. 100%.

Speaker 3 He just like, you know, he's like, it was just a big moment. And, you know, he's a little too rich, probably.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Maybe Chris Rock 30 years ago does it, 20 years ago does it, but that's what I'm saying. He's the fucking institution now.

Speaker 3 He can't be firing back with the actual truth.

Speaker 1 Stop would have done it. Oh, I would have loved it.

Speaker 3 i i pray that's the other thing if you're a real comedian you should be begging will smith to slap you yeah

Speaker 1 best thing in the fucking world all right so you mentioned uh we we mentioned come town you mentioned come town it is always funny just to say it out loud yes of course um i would imagine some of those like if you you've probably been in like agent meetings and stuff and they have to say that is that

Speaker 1 what's the most awkward it's a hilarious podcast if you don't know it like you you should listen to it because it's very very funny no you shouldn't it's it's you should should not listen to the podcast the podcast

Speaker 1 and adam

Speaker 1 it's bad it'll ruin your brain it will ruin your brain

Speaker 1 but you'll you'll get addicted first and then you'll realize oh fuck this ruined my brain yes yes um but what what like the name alone is just so funny has there been moments where you're like i wish we had named it something anything else no i think actually like well first of all I thought it was going to be a complete failure for sure.

Speaker 1 I thought for sure. Who came up with who started it?

Speaker 3 I mean, it was Mullen's idea. Yeah.
And we were just, at the time, I had just moved to New York. I was literally living in a fucking windowless room.
Like, I had one of those fake rooms where it was.

Speaker 1 It's like not firecode safe.

Speaker 3 No, not firecode safe at all. No, yeah, like literally just.

Speaker 1 The landlord puts up a wall and he calls it a two-bedroom.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the landlord had no idea. We fucking just hired a guy to build a room, and he was in and out in a day.
Salute to that guy.

Speaker 3 Like, shit was going real bad. You know what I mean? Like, you could just hear everything going on in the fucking, like, living room.
Like, you know, if I'm beating off, they can hear.

Speaker 3 You know what what I mean? Like there's no, if I wanted to fuck, I would have to be like, hey, can you guys just clear out of the apartment for a half an hour while I get pussy?

Speaker 3 And you guys can come back afterwards, like that situation. And Mullen was freshly out of his illegal tenement in Chinatown.
So like shit was just going bad.

Speaker 3 And it was the idea of like, well, let's just fucking, hopefully people will come out and see our shows. But I did not think, you're right.
There was like a second wave of podcasts.

Speaker 3 I thought podcasts were done. It was like seven years ago.

Speaker 3 Marin had already popped like comedy bang bang was big like all that kind of shit was kind of and i figured like we missed it we missed the boat i was like we'll do eight episodes we'll never speak of this again we'll be those guys like i'm a podcaster you know and then it just fucking it was his idea we did it hysterically people listened and it's like one of those things where i keep waiting for it like i've had the same

Speaker 3 like attitude the whole time where I'm like well it's gonna end tomorrow right you know what I mean so it's now we're going on six years of like you know basically living month to like I'm on a month to month lease but but that's a good that's a weird and good like i i i have something similar where i'm always like at some point i'm gonna wake up and everyone's gonna be like i don't want to hear like you talk anymore and that almost is i feel like that's a good way to think about it because otherwise you end up with people who like become way out of touch with everything for sure no that's true i mean that could be that could be a big issue but you know it was it's been sick i mean people have been coming out and it helped me like start my touring like going on tour and now it's like touring keeps growing and i think I just want to fucking get this special out there so people can see, like, yeah, I'm, I can fucking, because the show is really fucking stupid.

Speaker 3 Like it's like next level stupid. Yeah.
We haven't prepared for one episode once. Is that true? 100%.

Speaker 3 So we've never prepared anything.

Speaker 1 Just sit down.

Speaker 3 Sit down, turn the mics on. We used to, when we really don't feel like doing it, we set a timer on our phones.

Speaker 3 And when it goes to one hour, the alarm will go off and we'll just shut the thing off the second it's over. Like that's like, we've definitely done that before.

Speaker 1 So when you shut it off, do you keep like doing the podcast, just not recording it? You're just still talking?

Speaker 3 You just talk for three minutes.

Speaker 3 Like a natural wind down, and then it's like, fellas,

Speaker 3 pleasure making thousands of dollars for this.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's funny because

Speaker 1 I think an underrated facet of why Come Town was so popular when it started, at least in my opinion, was

Speaker 1 the logo. of Come Town.
The come on it

Speaker 1 is very realistic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it spells out the word Come town in cum on it. That's right.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we wanted to make sure there was no

Speaker 3 getting around what cum meant. It's like, no, no, there's no new synonym.
There's no nothing.

Speaker 1 This is jism.

Speaker 1 I thought there was a double entendre.

Speaker 1 A double entendre until I opened it up and looked at my phone. It's like, no, it's just a town of cum.

Speaker 1 And I think like the second or third episode I was listening to, I was on an airplane, and you do that thing where you turn your phone on to like the silent screen or whatever, and then it opens up again.

Speaker 1 And the person next to me looked over at my phone and it was just cum. It was just giant cum on my screen.

Speaker 3 Which is weirder than if you were watching gay porn.

Speaker 1 Right. You know, there's some weird thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like two guys kissing. It's like, all right, that guy's gay.
He's just looking at cum.

Speaker 1 I'm listening to cum. Yeah, you're listening.

Speaker 1 It's an audio version of cum.

Speaker 3 Yeah, just some guy beating off into a bucket over and over again, looped over again.

Speaker 1 But it's crazy you guys, So, you guys really don't prepare because I think that's, you know, there's we have something similar where sometimes people think like we don't do anything or like when we're on the road, they'll be like, oh, you guys coming out to party?

Speaker 1 It's like, no, we actually got to work. There's a lot that goes into it.
But you guys just sit down and let it fly.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, you guys also like sports.

Speaker 3 I do actually do a, I should plug the basketball podcast I do on the biggest sports show, but I do a basketball podcast with Sam Murrill called Pod Don't Lie.

Speaker 1 And that, we don't know. I was with him this morning.
Yeah, I was with him. Really? Two days ago.

Speaker 1 He's Julian Edelman. He's doing a show with that.

Speaker 3 He had to take a leave of absence during the playoffs. I've been doing it myself, but we've been doing this show for years.

Speaker 3 And Sam is fucking hilarious and just such a deranged Knicks fan that it's like our dynamic is great because I get to just troll him about that. Right.

Speaker 3 Like, you know, he's RJ. He's like, RJ is going to be.
He keeps saying like, RJ is Jimmy Butler. He keeps saying that, you know, and he's not joking at all.
And anyway,

Speaker 3 but that even a show that we don't prepare for, a sports show, you got got to at least watch the games. You got to fucking look at a couple box scores.
You know what I mean? This is truly nothing.

Speaker 3 Like, literally, we'll just sit down and just start recording.

Speaker 1 Well, I think it is a testament to, like,

Speaker 1 when you think about the popular podcasts, I think the main thing behind them is like the

Speaker 1 relationship that everyone has on the show. Like, you guys being friends, when we sit down,

Speaker 1 our relationship, and now we've grown it to like where we have, like, five or six guys in the room, All of our interactions is really what people are listening to. True, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 For more than anything, yeah. So, how is that like, because you guys are all friends, but how has that evolved over time?

Speaker 1 Like, I, I mean, I, more of the question is specifically, like, how can Adam take so much shit over this amount of time and never just flip out and be like, fuck you guys?

Speaker 3 Um, I think because, yeah, I think when you guys just started calling him a bug

Speaker 1 for like the year, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was so mean, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, it's a matter of just getting like the thing is, whatever happens during the podcast my personal philosophy is i'm eating an hour i'm not stopping anything whatever's going and nick loves to nick loves to abuse adam so i'm like well this is a good way to eat time

Speaker 3 like bullying one of my dearest friends and you know making his life difficult as long as it gets my job done quicker

Speaker 3 and then this the podcast is a bit more complicit

Speaker 3 yeah absolutely have you guys ever seen those like really fuck like those like um crazy like bondage pornos where they're like in a fucking what was it called like kink.com it was something.

Speaker 3 And they had like a, they had like a, they would fuck these girls up, right? Like really fuck the shit out of them. And they're all bound and shit.

Speaker 3 And afterwards, there'd be like the moment where they're like, you were so great.

Speaker 3 And they're having like what's called aftercare, after extreme sex, where they like kiss him on the cheeks and they give him a water and you're like, you're a princess.

Speaker 3 That's what I do with Adam after every episode.

Speaker 3 Where I'm just like, I'm so sorry for what we just did to you.

Speaker 1 You did great.

Speaker 1 You did great.

Speaker 3 You're a great guy. I love you so much.
Thank you.

Speaker 3 But it's like, this is so much better than preparing for even one second it's just it's just this is just wrecking you has he ever flipped out has he ever gotten like really defensive to the point where where he like uh you can tell there's genuine anger there i mean yeah i mean we've done this show for so long that i think at all at different points all of us have hated the like there's been like a fuck that guy whatever it's like i mean there yeah there's definitely been especially at he's the only one who's probably deserved to do that but it's like you know it's all in the fuck in the grand scheme of things it's all you know it washes out and it's like i'm sure you got when you work with anyone it's annoying like you like buttheads when you see them all the time even if it's even if the job isn't being shit on so it's like when the job is being shit on you're gonna be like all right and it there's there's something that that gets lost i think with with a lot of audiences like a little bit of tension here and that there doesn't mean that like things are falling apart yeah yeah i mean things are falling apart for come to we are definitely gonna we are 100 gonna stop the show soon and it's you know whatever but um but but absolutely in the past it's been like and i think that's all that also is what's funny about the show is that like it should not work.

Speaker 3 The one thing that I think the reason as a comedian, what I like about it is that it's almost like the producers of podcasting, where it's like, this should not work. Right.
We hate the show.

Speaker 3 Like at times, one has hated the other.

Speaker 3 You know, we're very unprofessional. There's no anything.
We don't prepare. We don't know everything.
The name is horrible and it just people keep fucking listening. It works.

Speaker 3 And at this point, it's like, stop.

Speaker 1 What the fuck else do we have to do to get you to stop listening to this shitty show it's good it will never track and it's like we'll keep doing it until it and we'll try to destroy it but it will never be destroyed it's because fuck it's so fucking annoying honestly the listeners are like they're kind of perverted yeah for like getting into this 100 and for like knowing the different what they're forcing you guys to do like yeah

Speaker 1 and they definitely get off on that but also it's like it's a double-edged sword because you have an audience that will you know see that you're putting out a special they know they like the marketing has already been done for them over the years yeah of just getting to know you and putting you guys through hell they're like i know this guy i don't need to see commercial on tv for his set right like i already identify yeah with him so i'm gonna go check him out totally and like as annoying as the show can be whatever it's like the vast majority of the fans fucking rule and it's like as you guys know it's like the make your life possible right you know what i mean and it's like the the ones that can be annoying are the ones where One thing they definitely don't understand is like the tension or even

Speaker 3 99.9% of the time, shitting on each other is a complete joke, right? And we know it. None of us, nobody fucking gives a fuck.
We have our own thing worked out.

Speaker 3 And what they're seeing is like 1% of our lives.

Speaker 1 This is not who we are.

Speaker 3 And the people that don't understand that, who are like, they're like the kids that thought Power Rangers were real.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 It's like, you guys, I'm sure,

Speaker 1 because, you know, we obviously, we have cameras rolling all the time.

Speaker 1 So people will take that one bit and be like, oh my God, this is fucked up. It's like, dude, do you know how much time that happens in between these?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you hear, you know, like even this podcast, you hear like six hours a week.
Do you know how much time there is on the other side of that? 100%.

Speaker 1 Where it's like, yeah, that part does.

Speaker 3 When people are like, how could you do that?

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, we're angry. I haven't even thought about that.

Speaker 3 I said that three months ago. Never thought.
I forgot I said it. So suck my dick.
I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 3 But yeah, to your point, it's like, that's cool. And that's why I kind of wanted to put it on YouTube.
It's like, I could have probably made a little more money. And like, I'm in 40K on this thing.

Speaker 3 Like, I put up my own money to shoot it, to promote it, to like edit it, all this stuff. But I just want people to see it.

Speaker 1 How many people have to watch to get that back? Let's put it. Let's give it everyone out of it.
Nice amount. How many? I don't know.

Speaker 3 I didn't know.

Speaker 3 That's how much I don't give a fuck about money.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 5 we need people to use it.

Speaker 3 Pete. People must have a fucking YouTube oldest out here.

Speaker 1 No, I don't know shit about it. Pete, can we get Pete in here?

Speaker 3 Where's Pete's bitch ass at?

Speaker 1 Let's get him in here. Yeah, you nailed Pete.
You know what I'm saying? Exactly. Pete is a bitch.
He can't come. He literally is an anti-cumboy.
Oh, well. He cannot come.

Speaker 3 Is he he on antidepressants?

Speaker 1 No, he got a vasectomy, so we just told everyone that he literally can't come in.

Speaker 3 And he just puffs.

Speaker 1 And he's like

Speaker 3 the Joker gun. And then

Speaker 1 a flag comes out that says come on it.

Speaker 1 They just box him into every now and then he like whimpers like, I can still come.

Speaker 1 And just getting that on audio is the best. When like a man has to say, like, I can still come.

Speaker 3 He wants his boys to know he can still bust.

Speaker 1 Prove it? Prove it. Boy, I should do this.
Yeah, prove it, Pete.

Speaker 3 Come Come jack off right now, motherfucker, and tell us the YouTube numbers. I need to get my money back while you're at it.

Speaker 1 We'll get to YouTube up. Steph, I was a big fan of the pipecast.

Speaker 3 Oh, thank you, bro.

Speaker 1 Pipecast. Can you explain to our listeners who might not have listened to it what the premise of the pipecast was?

Speaker 3 Yeah, so it was the NBA White Chocolate Pipecast. It was a Jason Williams tribute,

Speaker 3 you know, white chocolate. We loved it.
And it was just me and Adam from Cometown. We were just talking hoops.

Speaker 3 It's actually a lot like the show me and Sam do now, where it's like, but with me and Adam, it was just like, I mean, how much podcasting are we going to do together constantly?

Speaker 3 But it was just, you know, truly a stupid show about basketball where we take that ethos of we're not going to prepare. We'll watch games because I'm a fan.
I mean, I love hoops.

Speaker 3 That's my number one sport.

Speaker 3 And, you know, the air has been taken out of my sails a little bit because of the big Giannis guy. And so Giannis getting taken out.
Really brutal.

Speaker 3 No one to really fucking root for left except Luca, who's about to lose, it feels like.

Speaker 1 So it's really,

Speaker 3 it sucks because I love the NBA playoffs, and I have nothing to root for anymore. But it was just that, dude.
It was just bullshit.

Speaker 1 Usually talking about what their fuck game was like.

Speaker 3 We'd love to talk about their fuck game for sure. And that's still going.
A big thing I like to do is like, which coach fucks better? And that

Speaker 3 they will probably win the series. And that's what really breaks my heart because you look at the Celtics.
Ime Udoka lays pipe better than any of these motherfuckers.

Speaker 1 Spolscher feels like he can.

Speaker 1 just think he goes down for like a year. Spolscher knows how to eat pussy,

Speaker 3 but he's not the whole package.

Speaker 3 Doka, I think you need pussy and give you a pounding. And Steve Kerr, forget it, bad back.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's just going to lay there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, pillow princess. Wait, so what's going down on you? He's got the mask on, like a KN95, bro.

Speaker 3 He's still making a mask up.

Speaker 1 This whole theory, though, you would think that the Jazz would have had better playoff success.

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 1 Because Quinn Snyder definitely does some.

Speaker 3 Here's the thing about Quinn: too much cocaine dick doesn't work.

Speaker 1 That's my theory.

Speaker 3 If you hit him back in the Mizzou days when he was fucking his players'

Speaker 3 girlfriends, now

Speaker 3 that's when he needed to be in the fucking NBA. But he's out.
The vitality's gone. His dick barely works.

Speaker 3 And actually, I think I thought last year that this didn't work because I was obviously rooting for Yannis and Buttonholzer, who on face value does not look like he can fuck. Correct.

Speaker 1 But power bottom.

Speaker 3 He takes the fucking biggest pounding you've ever seen in your life. We don't have to be heteronormative about this.
He's a sub. You know what I mean? And any dom would get tuckered out.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's such a sub that he will.

Speaker 3 It's kind of like Homer in that episode where he just keeps getting punched out. Yeah.
That's what I think about Mike Buttenholder's asshole.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Where it's like it can take a real beating, whether it's getting pegged or getting fucked. And that's why they won last year.

Speaker 1 How sick was that, though, for I mean, you're unbelievable.

Speaker 3 I started crying.

Speaker 1 Rooting for Giannis has got to be like, you feel like a superhuman.

Speaker 3 It's unbelievable. Dude, and because, like, I have been on every Greek player that's ever appeared.
Like,

Speaker 3 I remember being in high school and being like, remember that guy, Babyshack Sophokolis Sortzanidis? Who was this? Who was like, his dad was like some Greek

Speaker 3 boat guy who just fucked a lady. I don't remember where in, like, Cameroon or something.
And he was like, all right, come on back to Greece.

Speaker 3 And he had like this little fat, he was like 6'6, just built. The Clippers drafted him.
And I was like, and he never even made it over. He played Summer League once.

Speaker 3 He never fucking made it over. And Giannis, I've been following just from the jump.
I remember where I was when he got drafted.

Speaker 3 I went to Greece that summer. I still have a collectible.
It's called Milko. It's like a little fucking bootleg Yoohoo of like, of rookie year Giannis.

Speaker 3 And it was like, I was always like, this is the fucking guy. And this has exceeded even my, I mean, I was hoping.
you know, all-star, which I think was reasonable.

Speaker 3 Like, I thought, you know, that time he fucked up Mike Dunlevy's bitch ass was awesome when he pushed him into the, that was the moment when I was like, hell yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 He's the best player in the NBA.

Speaker 3 Best player in the NBA, works hard as fuck. Truly, like, he's younger than me, but an inspiration to me.
Where I'm like,

Speaker 3 I'm such a loser for being a fucking 30-plus-year-old man who looks at a 26-year-old who's more of a man, has a wife and child.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, is it the pinnacle of his fucking, like, truly this guy who, like, you know. I'm sure you, how old are you? How old are you? 26.
Exactly. I don't respect this guy.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 Giannis comes in here. I'm like, Mr.
Janta Te Tacumbo, is there anything I can do? Like, truly a hero of mine who's six years younger than me.

Speaker 3 And that was the fucking bet. Him winning, I started fucking crying.
I was fucking balling. I was like, I can't believe it, God.
My friends who aren't that into, like, they're kind of into hoops.

Speaker 3 And, you know, whatever they came over, they were just like, couldn't, they were like, what the fuck is going on? I was like, guys, I took out, I had enough Giannis jerseys for everyone to wear one.

Speaker 3 I had six guys over. I was like, one's a shersey, so one of you gets the shersey, but

Speaker 3 we don't have enough to go around. And it was the fucking best.
I mean, truly, the one time, since the Ravens won, obviously, I'm a big Ravens fan.

Speaker 3 The one they won, I mean, I loved seeing Ed Reed get one, but the one I won when they won when I was in middle school just means more to you because you're a fucking little kid.

Speaker 3 But since those, I mean, Giannis winning, even though I don't give a fuck about Milwaukee, truly, like, it's a cool city, whatever. Brats are nice, but it was all about Giannis.

Speaker 3 That was the best sports thing that's ever happened to me just because I, maybe Greece winning the Euro in 04, maybe, but

Speaker 3 I just love Giannis so much.

Speaker 3 And his fucking stories unbelievable.

Speaker 3 If you don't like that guy, you're a fucking piece of dog shit.

Speaker 3 And it's truly, and Boston's bitch ass getting lucky with

Speaker 3 what I'm calling the Middleton asterisk.

Speaker 3 I will not allow them to enjoy this championship.

Speaker 1 Should it happen, and it won't.

Speaker 3 Something's going to, let's go, Spolsha, eat that pussy.

Speaker 3 Eat that pussy, beat Udoka.

Speaker 1 It was awesome. Like, after he won, and the very next day to celebrate, all he does, he goes to Chick-fil-A.
I mean, I'm just gonna get a fight.

Speaker 1 It wasn't even 50 nuggets, right?

Speaker 3 It was like the 50 nuggets. No, I believe it was 50 nuggets.
Was it 50 nuggets?

Speaker 1 I believe so. And then the half and half, which was a game changer for me.
Yeah. What was it? The half limited, half sprite? Oh, I see.
It's fucking damn good.

Speaker 3 I wasn't even versed on his drink. I should have been looking.

Speaker 3 That's a nice move, though.

Speaker 1 That's the coolest thing. You just win an NBA championship, and what do you do? You go eat a shitload of fast food.
Yeah, nuggets. Like, that's my dream.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's me coming back from a road weekend in San Diego.

Speaker 3 That's how I celebrate seven shows: getting fucking fried chicken. He's the man.

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Terms apply.

Speaker 1 I also appreciate you being a Baltimore guy. I feel like Baltimore needs more visibility.
We really do.

Speaker 3 We really fucking do.

Speaker 1 I'm from Northern Virginia, so anything in the remote D.C., Maryland, Virginia area, I claim vicariously. But I've always had like an affinity for Baltimore because I used to go up there.

Speaker 1 The Orioles were my team when I was like a little kid before we got the Nationals. And people, if it weren't for The Wire, nobody would know shit about Baltimore.
Ray Lewis and The Wire.

Speaker 1 Ray Lewis and the Wire. But like, nobody really knows anything about the Baltimore culture outside of what they saw in those five seasons on HBO.
So when you talk about it,

Speaker 1 it's hilarious because Baltimore is one of the weirdest places on earth.

Speaker 3 It's truly bizarre. And I grew up in Greektown, which is like a fully isolated little neighborhood that's all Greek people, but it's bordered by the most trash you've ever seen in your life.

Speaker 3 Like, it's totally like, yeah, you have like Baltimore white trash, which is a beautiful blend of white trash.

Speaker 1 These are the people who wear the great grand mask.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, baby. The fucking ravens.
Let's fucking go.

Speaker 3 Those fucking guys, the guys that are like, yeah, Lamar is good, but something about Flacco that I miss.

Speaker 1 I can't quite put my finger on it, but there was something I trusted more about Flacco.

Speaker 3 Like those fucking guys.

Speaker 1 Traditional. Yeah, yeah.
There was something about him, just a pocket passer. This guy's a fucking running back that we're going to let him throw the fucking ball.

Speaker 3 Like those guys.

Speaker 1 Very fun.

Speaker 3 I love those guys.

Speaker 1 Those pants are my favorite thing in school.

Speaker 3 The purple camos, unbelievable.

Speaker 1 I don't think that they were the only team that got them. I think that was one of the NFL initiatives of the mid-2000s.

Speaker 1 They're like, okay, our merch idea this year, because it was like right during the Iraq War. It was like big let's go USA stuff.

Speaker 1 And they're like, okay, we're going to put out every team's colors in camo shorts. And every other fan base was like, yo, these suck.
These stink. And then Baltimore was like, fuck yeah.

Speaker 3 Baltimore's like, oh, these look pretty good. Yeah.
I'm about to wear these to my child support here and after this.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we won it. Ray won this one.
I'm about to keep these for good luck.

Speaker 1 And that bitch ain't getting a dime of my money.

Speaker 3 I love those guys. A bunch of those guys were all like, oh, my God.
They were so funny. There was like...

Speaker 3 counter protests in Baltimore going on when Ray Rice got suspended, which is like, is there a more completely open and shut fuck this guy thing we've ever seen in our lives and these guys were all like this is fucking bullshit you know put ray back on the fucking field it's like i had yo i had a cousin that worked over there at that elevator shit didn't go down the way you think it was going down yo

Speaker 3 yo y'all believe anything the fucking media wants to tell you yo like it's so funny these fucking idiots

Speaker 1 but yeah the ravens i mean i love it yeah i so um

Speaker 1 i don't even know where to go from the Ravens. I can keep doing Baltimore for the moment.
Yeah, I mean, I was going to say, just keep.

Speaker 1 I would love to.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just keep hitting the cloud. Like, just keep pulling the string.
I don't have a question. I want to pull the strings.

Speaker 1 What's the best dive bar in Baltimore?

Speaker 3 Ooh, best dive bar. Interesting.
I really like the Crown, which is like this old abandoned Korean mall.

Speaker 3 It's on the second floor of this Korean mall. That place is sick.
Club Charles. Those are my two.
Those are my two go-tos. Real hipstery type shit.

Speaker 1 You like Natty Bo?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You got to. Natty Bo is a really interesting beer because it doesn't exist outside the city of Baltimore.
Like, nobody knows about it. It's not good.

Speaker 1 No, it's not.

Speaker 3 It tastes exactly like every light beer you've ever had in your life, but it's like shitty beer.

Speaker 1 But people in Baltimore absolutely love it. But it's never made its way outside of the city.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, that's true. I guess I don't really see it here either.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't think they have trucks. I don't think that they ship it anywhere.
It's just like

Speaker 1 a guy on a bike that just takes around to all the bars. He's like, drink up, guys.

Speaker 3 Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude. I fucking,

Speaker 3 I mean, I was, the truth is, I was such a fucking, like, I was just doing comedy constantly.

Speaker 3 So it's like, I was hanging out wherever there was fucking, wherever there was just comedy shows, and that's why I love those two places.

Speaker 3 But, I mean, there's some, there's some hilarious play. I mean,

Speaker 3 I do love fucking Baltimore so much because of those guys. And then it's just like, I don't know.
It's just such a hilarious.

Speaker 1 Their characters are.

Speaker 3 They're the best. And I was, honestly, I was off football.
You know, sorry, I know what fucking podcast I'm on.

Speaker 3 It was a little bit of the like, it was like, damn, these owners really don't treat the fucking players right. The Colin Kaepernick chick, you know,

Speaker 3 he's fucking blackballed. And a guy who hits his wife is, you know, suspended two games.
A guy who gambles is suspended the fucking whole year. I was on that type of shit, and then we drafted Lamar.

Speaker 1 And I was like, whoa, let's fucking go.

Speaker 3 I was watching that draft being like, this is over. I'm done with football.
Just don't draft Lamar. Because there was that little bit of like, he's going to fall.

Speaker 3 He might, one in a million chains is going to fall. And then we got him.
He's better than you ever could have fucking expected.

Speaker 1 The Ravens are just, they are the model of consistency. I know.

Speaker 1 Like, I know that the Patriots obviously have had more Super Bowls, but like when you look at the Ravens, it's crazy how year in, year out, you're just like, even this year's draft, where it's like, oh, they got a center and a safety.

Speaker 1 Yep. Hall of Fame.
And those are always going to be fucking awesome. Yeah, right.
It's just every year they just know what to do.

Speaker 3 And even after Ozzy left, like, that's the other thing. It's like, that was the point where I was like, oh, we're fucked because that's how these things go.

Speaker 3 There's one guy who really is the architect. They figured out how to, that institutional knowledge is there, which is annoying for me because I can't be on my SJW shit.

Speaker 3 I have to keep watching football.

Speaker 1 Right. You have a winner.

Speaker 3 I have to keep watching football until Lamar is gone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the second they draft some shitty quarterback as a replacement, they go like four and 13. You're like, you know what?

Speaker 1 I really disagree with that.

Speaker 3 I'm finding my morals again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I disagree with how they're found from under the couch.

Speaker 1 The flyovers is a waste of taxpayer money.

Speaker 1 Here they are.

Speaker 3 Yeah, even this, like, it is, and I love Lamar too because he's out of his fucking mind. Like, that's what you want out of an athlete.
It's just like, you want him to only be good at one thing.

Speaker 3 Every time Lamar talks, it's like, what the fuck are you even? Like, he kept getting COVID like eight times somehow. He keeps having to shit himself, and he's still incredible.

Speaker 1 Like, that's that's my buddy pregnant. Yeah, that was it all to me.
We say that line like once a week because it's so fucking good.

Speaker 3 He's the best, dude.

Speaker 1 He's so fucking good.

Speaker 1 I'm a little bit worried about Lamar on the Ravens, though. I feel like going into your fifth year, because like they haven't given him an extension, they haven't really made any pros to his own.

Speaker 1 That's the thing.

Speaker 1 He's doing his own agent. Yeah, but I don't know, man.
I get the feeling like they're weird about how much time he's losing with diarrhea and stuff.

Speaker 1 He would just be announced last second, oh, Lamar didn't practice again today because he was. Yeah, cholera.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's got E. coli basically every day.
He's just shitting himself. And the team was

Speaker 1 real weird about it. Like, they didn't know that too.

Speaker 3 I'm truly worried about him working on his own thing and them not paying him. It's like, pay the fucking guy.
He's that fucking good. I don't want to hear any bullshit about how he's like,

Speaker 3 I know, I mean, that fucking Titans loss was whatever, but it's like, that's the problem with football. It's like it's one game.
You know, the NBA, people can fucking shit the bed all the time.

Speaker 3 It happens within a series. No one really pays attention because it's seven games, but

Speaker 3 that shit just happens sometimes. And that was a better game plan.
And I think if Lamar doesn't get hurt this year, I think they have as good a chance as the fucking piece of shit Bengals.

Speaker 3 They can suck my fucking dick.

Speaker 3 That whole division. Oh, you fuck Joe Burrow, yo.
How about you burrow underneath my fucking nuts and take a suckle, you little pretty boy motherfucker. Sorry, he took over my body.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm feeling like I'm getting a seance. We are a Joe Burrow podcast.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I know, but I'm

Speaker 3 listening. I know you guys are, but what the fuck? I was going to come in here wearing purple and not take a shot at him.
I had to do it.

Speaker 3 And also fuck the Steelers while I'm at it. Yo, fuck Ben Roffelsberger, yo.

Speaker 3 Go to hell. Look.

Speaker 1 I do love the Steelers fans having to come to grips with Deshaun Watson being on the Browns being like, this is not fair.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Ben Roffelsberger, look, I respected what he did in that bathroom, but he was on the field. He was a dirty player.

Speaker 3 That's the problem he has with them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's.

Speaker 1 Boars will be fucking boars, gotta let off a little steam, but on the fucking court, on the field, you gotta stop being a fucking dirty player. Okay?

Speaker 1 I went to a Steelers preseason game one year. That's the year they had Michael Vick as their backup quarterback.
And there was a massive protest outside the stadium.

Speaker 3 I love that.

Speaker 1 And there was this lady that was holding up a sign that said, hey, Michael Vick, this is what a real quarterback looks like. It was a picture of Ben Ross.
Shut the fuck up. I swear to God.

Speaker 1 I swear to God.

Speaker 1 And it's like,

Speaker 1 I thought I was looking at an onion on an actual person who was the onion. Incredible.
I was like, this is, are you doing a bit right now?

Speaker 1 Like, are you here for the same reason I'm doing it? Are you doing a bit too? And she was like, no, it's just disgusting.

Speaker 1 I don't think that the league should not have any room in it for any player that would hurt a dog

Speaker 3 fucking idiots dude and fuck the Browns too obviously obviously sorry I didn't say that and that is the annoying thing about burrows that it's the first like Steelers wholeheartedly hated with my whole heart right not even an issue rapist quarterback like I'm that sucks that it happened but I'm glad I got to root against him right and he should be in jail now you're just gonna give us another rapist quarterback it almost feels like too easy to like like hate the Browns.

Speaker 3 Of course, they just keep employing, our rivals keep employing rapists.

Speaker 1 So fuck, yeah, fuck them.

Speaker 3 And then, that's the hard thing about the Bengals. Like, Burrow is cool.
I have to admit that. He's fucking sick.

Speaker 1 He's a good dude.

Speaker 3 He's good. He's fucking...
He took that. Like, that is a legendary run.
Like,

Speaker 3 football is hard to get there. Like, it's really hard.
And it's like, everything did kind of line up for them, but still, you know, it was because of him. That fucking line sucked, Dick.

Speaker 3 So it's tough to have a guy that it's like, no, I'm not rooting for anybody to come out with anything about Joe.

Speaker 1 Let me put that clear.

Speaker 1 And you can cut that.

Speaker 3 You can cut me soliciting

Speaker 3 bad stories about Joe Burrow.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 it doesn't have to be sexual assault. It could be something else.
It could be...

Speaker 1 He didn't sign a kid's autograph. Exactly.

Speaker 3 He spit on a child.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It doesn't have to be... We don't have to go full Rothelsburger with it, but give me something to hate the fucking guy with.

Speaker 3 Let his hair start falling out.

Speaker 3 That would, honestly, then I would be like, all right, he's he's on the team if burrow was balding and just had to fucking had to do a comb over he'd like like real bad actor yeah like cystic acne yeah yeah

Speaker 3 yeah give me something the fucking guy's got it too easy he does have to live in cincinnati fuck that place

Speaker 1 does uh does does the theory about coaches being like good at fucking does that hold over to the nfl oh that's very interesting i haven't given it as much thought but we can do it on the fly here right now because i don't i don't think that they're like if you look across the league there are like maybe a handful of guys that would be competent mcvey winning a Super Bowl this year would maybe help you out because he definitely.

Speaker 3 You know what I say? He seems like a little

Speaker 3 too much show, not enough go. Correct.
When it comes to fucking.

Speaker 1 Well, he's got, like, he likes to take his shirt off and do a dance like, you know, like Patrick Bateman watching himself dance. Yes, yes.

Speaker 3 He can only come if you can look at his pets.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 while he's coming. If you can look at a play sheet.

Speaker 1 He's just reciting old plays from 10 years ago while he's trying to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like he'd be like a jackrabbit, too, just like real fast. That's true.
Like, he only cares about himself.

Speaker 1 Oh, true. True, true.
The Harbaughs, I mean, we were good friends with Jim Harbaugh, and we're pretty sure he just has sex just to procreate.

Speaker 3 That's the problem with football. Football guys in general.
They love football so much, they don't get pussy. Right.
Which is crazy because it's like as a football star, that's kind of the gateway in.

Speaker 3 You get all your pussy in high school as a football guy. You fuck all in college and high school, and then you're done.

Speaker 1 You're like, you don't cinematic, cinemat. Yeah, but they are like football coaches.

Speaker 1 They basically only have sex to just create more football coaches. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's all the new screwdings out there somewhere.

Speaker 1 They're not doing it for pleasure. They're like, we just need to keep filling these football coaches.

Speaker 3 I need someone to run some cover two drills. That's why I'm busting inside you tonight.
Don't get any ideas.

Speaker 5 It ain't happening tomorrow.

Speaker 3 Just asking his wife when she's ovulating.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we were saying that John Har or Jim Harbaugh just gets a boner like once a month. He's like, it's time.
It's time to get

Speaker 1 babies.

Speaker 1 Just had a big win last night.

Speaker 1 I don't have winning babies. I don't fuck after losses.

Speaker 3 You don't want that juju on your nut.

Speaker 1 Pelichek gets it done. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He knows all the tricks.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 3 He's a guy who studied like the Kama Su. He knows.
He's watched those videos where they teach you how to make a woman squirt over and over again.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Bill's just like, assume the position. And his fucking wife gets on all fours.
He's got like a special fuck pillow.

Speaker 1 He's just like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 He's got the control.

Speaker 1 He can come on. Like, he can wait wait forever to come.
He has a control.

Speaker 1 Nope, I'm not talking about it.

Speaker 3 He does like cock Kegels.

Speaker 3 He knows how to bring that little vein in your cock. He knows how to open and close it on command for sure without question.

Speaker 1 Could work. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like comedy has like... Right now, everyone wants to be a comedian.

Speaker 1 Does that feel right?

Speaker 3 I don't know, dude.

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 3 Maybe. I do think there is like, a, I do think there's maybe a little bit of like a comeback because I think for the last like 10 years, no one really gave a fuck about comedy.
It's weird that like

Speaker 3 everyone like cares this much about what comedians have to say.

Speaker 3 Like to me, again, I take the view like we're clowns. We're the lowest form of show business.
I'm doing this because at 19, I didn't want a job. Right.
Like that's the only reason.

Speaker 3 And that's honestly most comedians. It's like the good ones just like kind of fell into it.
We're fucking idiots. We learned how to tell jokes.

Speaker 3 But like I've gotten dumber every year since 20, without question.

Speaker 3 I was pretty smart in college and I just forgot everything so I could learn about like calling so saying someone's asking someone in the front row the last time they ate pussy.

Speaker 3 I know like the way the way like Ed Reed would watch film and be prepared for every possible answer. That's my brain on when it comes to like sexual crowd work.

Speaker 3 And so I don't fucking know what's going on in the world.

Speaker 3 I have a basic idea of like we should treat people better. And the fuck, we're a fucking, we're the richest country in the history of the world.
Nobody should fucking be homeless and shit like that.

Speaker 3 I have basic ideas, but I don't fucking, I don't go out there and like, you know, try and make points or everything. So I do find it very funny that everyone gives a fuck.
Like Ricky Gervais, right?

Speaker 3 I haven't seen the last thing he's doing, the trans shit. I'm sure it's dog shit.

Speaker 3 Like, I'm sure it's just hack and it's just like hateful and it's the kind of thing you have to do to get a rise out of people.

Speaker 1 Well, it's punching down. And

Speaker 1 that's the problem. Like, I think people, at the end of the day, like comedians, if you, people can tell when you punch down.
Yeah. They can tell.
They can be like, hey, that's mean.

Speaker 1 You're punching down. Gervaise has always been a guy that's like, I'm going to go out and I'm going to shock the world.
Right, exactly.

Speaker 1 He does look at himself as, like, we were talking earlier. We're the last truth tellers out there.

Speaker 1 We're not. I'm going to say some things that will make you uncomfortable.
He's taking out like full-page ads and being like, fuck trans people. Does that offend you?

Speaker 3 Exactly. And that's shit you do when you're 20, right? And Norm McDonald had a great line where people, he said this, where he was like, R.I.P., one of the best ever.

Speaker 3 People were like, people say comedians are the modern day philosophers. She's like, you know who I think are modern day philosophers? Philosophers.

Speaker 1 Like, we're still making them.

Speaker 3 They're still going to school. They're reading about philosophy.
They're not getting drunk and trying to get pussy from a waitress their whole like, you know, 20s.

Speaker 3 So it's like, A, I think, like, comedy, like, I do think comedy is cooler again, but I also, there is a little bit with that where it's like, and back to come town a little bit, where it's like, I, you know, I joke about it being whatever, but it's like,

Speaker 3 I don't want to be fucking Ricky Gervais like 60 and he's trying to shock people.

Speaker 1 Right. That's pathetic.
Right.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean like I want to fuck it like that's a young man's game saying the dumbest shit in the world and that's a little bit about comp as much as I love it it's like you know I'm fucking thirty when we started this I was in my mid-20s I was living in a windowless room I'm 33 you know what I mean like you're rich I'm rich you know what I mean like I have money I've like I have a window now you know what I mean like multiple I would have multiple windows one in my living room one in my fucking bedroom.

Speaker 1 You've got a door in your apartment now?

Speaker 3 Yeah, dude. It closes and everything.

Speaker 1 When you get that first door, that's a big step up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That first

Speaker 1 cardboard door. I was just like opening it and closing it.
I was like, this is incredible.

Speaker 3 Have you guys. So I just want, so that's, so that's the, like, and comedy should just be like fun and a good ass time.
Like, hanging out. That's what I think my biggest skill is.

Speaker 3 Like, I'm just a good time. I'm a good hang.
Fucking listen to a podcast. Talk to me on stage.
Watch my special. It's going to be fun.
You're going to have a good ass time.

Speaker 3 And that's what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to make you fucking think.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to make you laugh, bro.

Speaker 3 You're absolutely. And maybe suck my dick after the show.

Speaker 1 You're my girl.

Speaker 3 Those are my two aims.

Speaker 1 No, you're absolutely right. I'm put that one first.
Yeah. That really is the reason I do that.

Speaker 1 Would you enjoy doing stand-up comedy if it was just hot chicks and they didn't laugh at all at any of your jokes, but you were on stage and then you were definitely going to get your peanuts sucked afterwards.

Speaker 1 That's true. You still got paid.
You get paid, but nobody laughs.

Speaker 3 Now, this is tough because remember what I said? I'm not a philosopher, but I'm going to give it a shot.

Speaker 3 This is a philosophical quandary.

Speaker 3 I guess it would depend how good the top was.

Speaker 1 Is there a way I could know? But that's getting old, right? That would get old. I would assume after like a week.
You want the laughs.

Speaker 3 You're right. There is a part of you that wants, but like you just want attention.
You're a little attention hog. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, that's definitely who I was when I was a little kid, and it's who I am now.

Speaker 3 And they're both kind of the same thing, where it's like, you just want attention either from the masses or from like one hot girl.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 1 whichever way we give you. I either like both.

Speaker 3 I'd like a sampler. You know what I mean? I want a little sampler pack.

Speaker 1 I don't want one or the other.

Speaker 1 I mean, I love your, you are spot on that, like being a good hang is like, it's, you know, it's not rocket science. It's like people want to hang out with you.
Like your good time.

Speaker 3 I like hanging out. Right.
I don't, that's my job. That's, I went, I like to think of it as like I went pro at hanging out.
That's what a fucking

Speaker 1 way. It's comedy.

Speaker 3 It's truly. You guys definitely are like that.
And there's different like directions to take it, you know.

Speaker 1 I was actually going to hit you up about the Bulls Bucks series to see if you'd want to do a live stream, but the Bulls were such a joke by the end of the season. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'm not going to do this.

Speaker 3 But you should.

Speaker 3 I would love to.

Speaker 1 You should come hang for NFL Sunday.

Speaker 3 That would be very, very absolutely a big Ravens game. I would love to hang out for that.

Speaker 1 Oh, maybe a Ravens Steelers, you versus Jersey Jerry. We got a character here, Jersey Jerry, that is.
He wears Pittsburgh. He wears Steelers gear like almost every day.

Speaker 1 Like, literally, he'll come in on a Tuesday. He's got the Steelers shoes, shorts.
Like, loves them. I think he's so much.
He DMs their best players on their birthdays every year.

Speaker 1 Dude, he DMs Chinese wife

Speaker 1 when they signed him.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, no, you remember that we had him, we have him on every now and then, and he, he, like, totally unironically did the exact same thing as Mac and Always Sunny with Chase Utley.

Speaker 1 He did that with TJ Watts. That's awesome.
Where he was like, and when we, when Mitch got signed, like, one of our colleagues, Caleb, uh, is like best friends with Mitch. Oh, hello.

Speaker 1 And he, like, he basically was like, I don't really want to interview Mitch. I just want to maybe have a catch with him, see how his spiral looks.
Dead serious. Dead serious.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm just not even joining. You're not even joking.

Speaker 3 That's awesome.

Speaker 1 But yeah, no, you're right, though. Hang, like, you are very, very good at that.
What's the closest... Have you guys ever come close to

Speaker 1 being quote-unquote canceled or had like the fire come your way? And what was your reaction?

Speaker 3 That's the thing. It's like, there's nothing to take from me.

Speaker 1 Right. I'm putting my special out on fucking YouTube.
Right.

Speaker 3 Believe me, I wish I was cancelable. I'm a guy with a fucking podcast and happens to make a lot of money, but it's not like I'm not, you know, like what happened to Shane is fucked up.

Speaker 3 I think that was completely what, you know, that's a very simple, that's an oversimplification of who he was.

Speaker 3 He's a hysterical comic, one of the best people, honestly, one of the nicest guys in comedy, one of the nicest guys I know, period.

Speaker 3 So to take the shit he said when he was like struggling and like just kind of podcasting to try and figure something out and take it out of context and make him lose the biggest opportunity in comedy, whatever you want to say about SNL, it's the biggest show.

Speaker 3 Like, you know, you launch your career off that show. And Shane would have been a fucking, he still is going.

Speaker 1 Oh, his, his story, he's fucking hilarious.

Speaker 3 Oh, so funny. But

Speaker 3 they took something very tangible away from him.

Speaker 3 I don't got NBC trying to give me a fucking, you know what I mean? They're not trying to put me on SNL. No one's trying to put me on TV.

Speaker 1 I think it worked out for Shane, though. I think that.

Speaker 3 Well, he was going to be fine because he's so funny, but he wasn't going to be able to do it.

Speaker 1 But also, there's boxes that you have to play in there where it's like you can't do this, you can't do that. And you also have to like...

Speaker 1 You know, it's not going to be your sketches that get made every single week there. Right, right.

Speaker 1 So I feel like what he's got set up is actually, it's kind of like when Big Cat and I got fired at ESPN Channels for half a show.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I remember that because I dip in and out.

Speaker 3 You were in the heavy rotation. Now I just don't listen to podcasts as much, but I remember that entire saga.
You guys really got your asses fucked on that one.

Speaker 1 But it's similar to Shame where it's like the

Speaker 1 case.

Speaker 1 We're bootenholes.

Speaker 1 You are a couple power bombers, I'll give you that. No,

Speaker 1 I've always said it's like the lesson learned from that is like, it's like the mob trying to go for real, right? It's like don't get out of your lane

Speaker 1 and like you like that's what I love about you guys is you guys have your audience and you have your audience and like you now can live in a world where it's like your audience is enough and you don't have to step out and play by these rules that everyone wants to put on everyone else.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and it's like look I just I just want to fucking put my like I want my comedy out there and then like I want to do other shit too. Like I'm interested in acting.

Speaker 3 I'm interested in like, you know, making my own stuff. But it's like, you know, I'll just make my own shit.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 And it's like, at a certain point, it's also like, I do, I have to think people have to realize, like,

Speaker 3 words aren't the fucking problem.

Speaker 1 Right. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, a joke, truly, a joke is not the issue. Again, comedians are not who you need to be fucking.

Speaker 3 I don't want to get too political, but it's like, you know, there's some real, there's some real actual shit going on, you know, like in our country that we could actually put some of that.

Speaker 3 But I think that's also a, people are so powerless now that it's like, we feel like we can't do shit.

Speaker 3 So it's like, well, why don't we take this guy's fucking, why don't we make sure that this comedian's family can't get health care?

Speaker 3 Because he said something we didn't, because we said something we didn't like.

Speaker 1 That'll make us feel better.

Speaker 3 Because we don't have the balls to assassinate a politician.

Speaker 1 The culture wars are like so much easier to go after, too.

Speaker 1 They're more readily accessible. It's like I can go online and yell at a celebrity.
And those people just keep coming online being like, why is my life hollow? Right, right.

Speaker 1 I spend all day trying to ruin other people's lives and I can't find happiness.

Speaker 1 How's this not working for me?

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 3 And the nice thing is, is like, I true, like, it was a little bit like when you first get any kind of like online fame, it's like, it is a bit of a shock and it's like can be a little desensitized.

Speaker 3 Yeah. It can fuck you up.
But like, honestly, I feel like I kind of got my vaccine where it's like, that happened early on in Cometown. I don't look at shit anymore.

Speaker 3 Like, my YouTube channel is another thing that I want to plug. Like, please go watch it.
I put stand-up every day.

Speaker 3 I put a clip every day and then I also put two longer clips there a week. And that's where the special will come out.
It's just my name, Stavros Halkis.

Speaker 3 Um, uh, I'm really like, you know, I really want to fucking put a lot of energy into that because I just love stand-up.

Speaker 3 I want people to see more of it, but I don't read a fucking comment, I don't read my Instagram comment, I don't read a TikTok comment, like that's over for me.

Speaker 3 I don't go on red, I don't even know how to use Reddit, so it's perfect, yeah.

Speaker 1 We, I, I had the same path where it's like early on, I would read everything, and then you get to a point, you're like, what am I, why am I doing this? Because now it's affecting my own creative

Speaker 1 energy, where it's like, I feel feel like low at the end of the day, because I'm reading, you know, 10 positive comments, but one negative one. And then you just cut it all out and it's so freeing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because it's like none of it really matters.
They're yelling to avoid. And I love the people who care enough, like, they obviously are fans.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 But every fandom, every online like interaction goes the same. It's like starts as a fan and then just is like, these guys suck now.
Yeah, yeah. Like, that's it.
That's the evolution of everything.

Speaker 1 It's like Dennis Quaid or Randy Quaid in Major League, where he becomes such a big fan. And he goes to every fucking game, but he's on the F he'll be like, wild thing, you stink.
You fucking stink.

Speaker 1 And he's got like the BX on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, every, and it's like, I don't even blame him because it's like, yeah, if you listen to something forever and you have to, and you like try to talk about it every day, you're going to eventually just be like, yeah, these guys suck.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because it's not fun to say these guys are awesome all the time.

Speaker 3 But that's the thing. It's like, why do you have to talk?

Speaker 1 Like, why do you have to talk about it?

Speaker 1 I'm not a fan of shit.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I'm a fan of shit.
I don't fucking talk. I just enjoy the thing.
Yeah. I mean, like, I do listen to the podcast, you know, or like other podcasts that I like to listen to.

Speaker 3 It's like, I don't fucking think about their personal lives. You know what I mean? I just enjoy, I enjoy the fucking thing they're putting out.
And the other thing is, there's ways to interact.

Speaker 3 Like, that's why I do love going on the road, even though it's like grueling and it's like, you know, you're just, you miss. Like, I've been on the road nine months.

Speaker 3 I'm getting fat as fuck as a result. I'm just, my whole life is nothing but, you know, comedy, fucking chicken tenders, and just like trying to get my dick sucked.

Speaker 1 And that, that can take

Speaker 3 it's not a bad life, but but listen, if there was a pill I could take where I didn't gain 60 pounds every time I went on a fucking six-month tour, that would be heaven.

Speaker 3 But it's like, I feel my body, you know, I'm fucking, I'm, I'm hitting the big and tall stool. You know what I mean? I'm dipping my little nuts back into the big and tall store.

Speaker 3 It's always tough when you have to go back. You're like, I thought I was done with this.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, dude. I've talked about I had to size up this last year.
And the worst part for me was like all these people send me free shit, which is great. I'm not complaining about that.

Speaker 1 But having to hit them up and be like, hey, double X on that.

Speaker 1 Hey, do you guys make 3X? Yeah, like,

Speaker 1 you sent me a bunch of free shit. I appreciate it, but it doesn't fit.

Speaker 3 Oh, dude, absolutely fucking lootly.

Speaker 3 But, like, that's also why I like being on the road is because you interact with people in

Speaker 3 an action

Speaker 3 where it's like, I'm on stage, and I stay. I meet people afterwards.
Because it does, like, that's how I want to interact with you. Like a real human being.

Speaker 3 And it's like, you know, obviously it's not forever, but I'll try and chat a little bit with people. And it's like, that's like, that also is the problem with the internet, too.

Speaker 1 I mean, we all, we've gone through it a hundred times yeah but that's why i like the live shows more because it's like i'll shake your hand i'll thank you and i'm being sincere too i love that people come out to see me that's my favorite part of all of this is performing live so and that's you know that's just a better way to interact with somebody it blows my mind every time we go out and like we'll do like a meetup and it would just be like holy fuck like there's this you know we went to buffalo last last uh summer and we were like hey we're gonna be at this bar for two hours i don't think like we took pictures for two hours straight yeah yeah and then you walk away and it's almost almost refreshing.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh my god, there's an entire world out here that they don't give a fuck about whatever war Barstool's in at this moment or like whatever controversy is going on. They just want to laugh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the best feeling ever.

Speaker 3 And they like you guys personally. Right.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like 99.9% of the time, they're awesome people. Like just very normal, regular people that I love hanging out with.
Totally.

Speaker 1 Like it's actually, it is refreshing to see that experience like face-to-face as opposed to just like somebody replying to a tweet being like, yo, the audio's off in this fucking episode.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, it's nice to know that like people care about you, you care about them.
Yeah. I think it's a more healthy way to like experience comedy too, is face-to-face.

Speaker 1 That's the whole fucking thing. Press play, listen to it on a machine, and then stop.

Speaker 3 Dude, 100%. And that's what's weird is like, I don't, like, I didn't have the internet till I was like fucking 14.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, we're the last.

Speaker 3 How old are you? I'm 33. Right.

Speaker 1 So we're both 37. Oh, PMC is more like 27.
Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
27. Yeah, he, but no, I think we're the last, this like 30s, mid-30s to late 30s.

Speaker 3 Depending on how poor you were.

Speaker 1 But it's the last, but I didn't have a You didn't have a cell phone till I was 18. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's like the last, like, Facebook was invented when I was like a junior in college.

Speaker 1 Like, it's the last.

Speaker 3 I remember my cousin in college showing me Facebook and me being like, you dumb bitch, you're putting your name on the internet.

Speaker 1 You know, and now it's like, now it's like, if I have thousands of hours talking about how little and fucked up my dick is just on the internet, that's it.

Speaker 3 It's like I like my, you know, if my family, so I'm having like nieces and nephews and shit like, like, they're going to be able to like, that's the thing.

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh, fuck, that's all out there.

Speaker 1 He was joking about, your uncle was joking about his dick. Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, it's not true.

Speaker 3 But yeah, man, it is fucking wild.

Speaker 1 Well, this has been awesome.

Speaker 1 Everyone, check out the special. We'd love to have you back on.
Dude, anytime. Maybe talk some NBA basketball.

Speaker 3 I'd love to talk hoops. I actually do know about hoops.

Speaker 3 I love it so much.

Speaker 3 And when Giannis is back in the mix, and then, yeah, fucking bring me out for a for a big Ravens game.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd love to do that.

Speaker 1 That would be must-watch, you versus Jersey Jerry.

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Speaker 1 Billy, I don't know what, and don't tell him, just get him in here.

Speaker 1 Because when he doesn't know, he has to ask a question, it's the, he had, we had Ryan Whitney on, who's, you know, a co-worker, and we, I just was like, Billy, ask him a question at the end.

Speaker 1 And he just goes, so how was your Saturday? And it was Wednesday.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 His brain just like stops working. What was the last one he asked? He was like, What is what does your shirt say? Yeah, it was like just a brand name.
It was like Russell Athletic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it says Russell Athletic.

Speaker 3 What a fucking broadcaster he is.

Speaker 1 He's got it. He's got it.
He's got the it factor. He's got it.
All right, let's see. All right, Billy.
Oh, he is looking tired. Looking awesome.
He's looking very tired.

Speaker 1 See, this is the guy that I said was unironically dressed as Duffman.

Speaker 1 You look sick, dude. That's a totally normal outfit.

Speaker 1 Billy, you have a last question for Stop?

Speaker 3 Yes. What's up, dude?

Speaker 1 How

Speaker 1 you're an extremely successful podcaster?

Speaker 1 Wow. I just want to wind up.

Speaker 1 He's trying to find his words to land this plane. Usually he'll say quick question.
And then you have another like five seconds to stop and think.

Speaker 1 Well, I just would like to know: like, if you had to give any advice to young,

Speaker 1 aspiring podcasters.

Speaker 3 This is a really good question, Billy. That's something I've never been asked.

Speaker 3 Young aspiring.

Speaker 1 Wait, was there a question?

Speaker 3 Yeah, if I had to, what would I say?

Speaker 3 Well, I guess I would ridicule the person who asked me that question. That would be step one in this hypothetical, if I had to do it.
And then I would say, don't do it. Get a job.

Speaker 3 Go to community college. It's not going to work out.
I think those would be my main takeaways.

Speaker 1 But you have to understand, Billy's asking, in this specific situation, how does he get me or PFT dead? Right, right. That's all he's asking.
How does he kill?

Speaker 1 He's not asking young, aspiring podcasts. I see, how can I kill this or big cat without anyone knowing?

Speaker 3 This is Barstool's succession right now.

Speaker 1 He's Kendall. He's trying to get him.

Speaker 1 We joked about it the other day in the car. We were just like, I don't know where we were doing or where we were going, but we're like, what would Billy's reaction be if one of us died?

Speaker 1 And then, like, we all were laughing. Next man up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Huh, that's interesting.

Speaker 1 And then be like, everyone, like, round on me. I just got to raise.

Speaker 3 It's like when your dog starts to eat you when you die. That would be Billy.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, he'd like go to the door for a little bit. He'd like sniff around, see if anybody's coming, and like check for breath, and then be like, oh, this seat's empty.
I got to eat two.

Speaker 1 So he really is dead, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I guess someone's got to sit here.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Billy, let me ask you a question. Something I've been wondering is, do you eat pussy?

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 3 Because you got a big neck. You got a thick neck.
It seems like it could handle some pussy eating. But something about you, maybe the camo crocs is what it is, tell me you don't eat pussy.

Speaker 1 So, let's

Speaker 3 can I ask you that, and what would you say?

Speaker 1 It's not keto, it's not keto, it's very keto. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Pussy juice is keto, bro. Too many calories.

Speaker 3 So, that's a no, huh? Tough. Well, you know what? Then you're not getting the podcasting.
The only people who get podcasting advice are the guys who eat pussy.

Speaker 1 You gotta have

Speaker 1 withholding.

Speaker 3 Come back, let these guys know you ate pussy, and then I'll give you the advice.

Speaker 1 That's fast. Can we check in? Can you let me know when he's eating pussy? It's also like that's how you get podcasting voice.
You got to have a little pussy in your throat.

Speaker 1 I got Michael Douglas pussy throat cancer on purpose.

Speaker 3 If you listened to me six years ago, I had a higher-pitched voice. I had to bring it down to the radio.

Speaker 1 And that's what I, yeah, you're a little, you're a little nasally, Billy.

Speaker 3 I would eat pussy just for the sound alone.

Speaker 1 He's got GVN and septum. He might, he might.

Speaker 1 Billy might actually choke on pussy. He's so uncomfortable right now.
He's so uncomfortable. Dude, I've just been in the woods in solitary confinement.
I actually shouldn't shouldn't say that.

Speaker 1 You weren't in solitary confinement.

Speaker 1 Billy can't six sentence without incriminating.

Speaker 1 All right, well, good question, Billy. Thank you, Billy.
Great question. Would you like Roback?

Speaker 3 I've already been offered Roeback, and yes, I'll take it. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Terrific. All right, Stav.
Thanks again.

Speaker 3 Thanks, guys. Got to have you back on.
Anytime. Broke the seal.

Speaker 1 I watch special. I can already tell this is going to be a fan-favorite interview.
I love it. So, yeah.
Everyone, please watch the special. Just turn it on and just keep playing.

Speaker 3 Turn on. Keep fucking playing it.
Put it with just a little bit of volume. Let it fucking play over and over again.

Speaker 3 June 5th, Sunday, 8 o'clock Eastern, 5 o'clock Pacific. I'm going to do like an actual premiere where I'll be in the live chat fucking around with people in the thing.

Speaker 3 It's apparently good for the numbers if people watch it the first. in the premiere or at least the first couple of years.
We'll hop in too.

Speaker 1 Please hop in. I love that.
Part of my ticket count will be in.

Speaker 3 I hope you've eaten pussy by June 5th, okay?

Speaker 1 Would you like to hop in on TikTok with these guys? No, we're not doing 30 minutes in TikTok. Okay, what about about 15? No, we'll do it later tonight.

Speaker 1 We're showing behind on TikTok. Okay, well, that's where else are you putting it in?

Speaker 3 He's just shitty at his job,

Speaker 1 begging on the air for his bosses to help him.

Speaker 1 You just summed it all up so perfectly. You've been in this office for one hour.
You are a truth teller.

Speaker 1 Comedians are the truth tellers of America. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 All right, thanks, guys.

Speaker 3 Thank you, boys. Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's wrap up. Let's talk some hockey.
We have McDavid vs. McKinnon starting tonight, which I'm so excited for that series.
Oilers versus Avalanche is going to be fireworks.

Speaker 1 Last we talked, the Oilers finished off the Flames in one of the best five-game series I've ever watched. Yeah, they're crazy games.

Speaker 1 I think they broke a record in that last game with four goals in like a minute and a half back and forth. But now we get the Oilers and Avs in the West, and we get

Speaker 1 the Rangers and the Lightning in the East. and we have our darling memes here, who is rock bottom.
Please let us know, because we actually started taping with a period to go. What happened?

Speaker 1 Give us a breakdown of what happened in that Rangers Kanes, game seven.

Speaker 3 The Kanes got skull fucked.

Speaker 1 Hard.

Speaker 1 By who?

Speaker 1 The Rangers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you seen the absolute scenes going on in Central Park right now? No, I have not.

Speaker 3 Imagine it's just a bunch of homeless people.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, we'll get you there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll get you there. It's going to be great.
We actually decided before this that memes is going to go to Central Park for a watch party and make a video that won't be released.

Speaker 1 It will just be for us to watch. I think he should have to wear like full Rangers gear, too.
Ooh, like really blend in. That would be nice.

Speaker 1 Now, memes, maybe a big picture question for you.

Speaker 1 This was supposed to be the Islanders. Now, you're an Islanders fan, right? Yes.
The Islanders championship window. They went to the Eastern Conference Finals last year.
And the year before.

Speaker 1 And the year before. Now, the Rangers, a very young team that their championship window, some may say, hasn't even opened yet, have already equaled the best Islander seasons in what, like 30 years?

Speaker 1 Yeah, about that. But the nice thing is, you've got an awesome coach.
Barry Trots, he has proven players.

Speaker 1 I just mean.

Speaker 1 Like, you've got to ride with him, right? Like, this is a guy that he got championships to win a Stanley Cup. Yeah.
This guy's money in the playoffs. So, like, he's not going to let quality decrease.

Speaker 1 As long as he's there, I think the window is still definitely open. This is so mean.
What? No. Oh, is he not there anymore? Yeah, they fired him.
Oh, well, they fired him. Fine.
All right.

Speaker 1 So that might have happened. But you guys still have the best home ice in the entire NHL at the barn.
The barn's so nice. At the Nassau Coliseum.
He's not there. Oh, what? Nope.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 What happened to the barn? It's gone.

Speaker 1 Brutal.

Speaker 1 The place that you play now has all the the soul of the old place. Right.
The old arena? It's loud. It's old.
It's new. It's new.
Okay, so it's not old.

Speaker 1 All right, so what do you think the Rangers are going to get? Because you also,

Speaker 1 we watched the game together, and you went through the entire range of emotions where in the first period, memes became a shoot the puck guy. He was just like, the canes just don't shoot the puck.

Speaker 1 They need to shoot the puck. And then you transitioned into, I heard you just mumbling, this is a disaster.
And then you kept on saying, the lightning are going to kill them.

Speaker 1 yeah so that i that's accurate you so the lightning are gonna kill them yeah uh for nothing sweep really no that's probably not gonna happen okay it's a rest versus rust what will you see what will what will happen if the rangers do win this series to you mentally

Speaker 1 just bad bad bad dark dark bad things okay

Speaker 1 All right, any last words?

Speaker 3 No, everyone at this company is just a Rangers fan all of a sudden.

Speaker 1 So that's fantastic. Yeah, and they're scumbags, right? Oh, yeah, the worst.
Terrible people. Don't you guys root for the same football team, though? Well, some.
Some.

Speaker 1 Some don't. Yeah.
New York is confusing like that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 They should just have one team for everything. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I agreed. They should contract New York City.
You realize all your teams would be the ones contracted.

Speaker 1 You're a Mets Islanders Jets fan.

Speaker 1 Don't do not vote for that memes.

Speaker 1 Keep your team.

Speaker 3 Steve Cohen, though.

Speaker 1 Steve Cohen, yes, that's true. I think hey.
Dude, the Mets are incredible right now.

Speaker 5 I have a fun stat talking about

Speaker 5 the New York team should have just one team.

Speaker 1 No, this is coming from Dave Portnoy's Twitter retweets.

Speaker 5 No, this is just Boston Sports Info.

Speaker 1 Boston.

Speaker 5 Making their 19th finals appearance in this century. The most by any region in that span.
Perspective. New York, who has two teams per sport.

Speaker 5 Yankees, Mets, Jets, Knicks, Rangers, Islanders have just 10 appearances.

Speaker 1 Yikes.

Speaker 5 So that's twice as many appearances,

Speaker 1 half as many teams. That's just New York City.
But again, the Buffalo teams, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, good point. And again,

Speaker 1 you didn't count the Buffalo teams. They've been to

Speaker 1 none. A lot.

Speaker 1 No, Sabres.

Speaker 1 Was that two? No, that was

Speaker 1 200 in centuries. No, they went to...
They went.

Speaker 1 Am I making that up that they went to

Speaker 1 a Sandy Cup final? I don't know, but

Speaker 1 memes, like, it seems bad. Maybe Hashik went with someone else, but you still got John Tavares.
And as long as he's there leading the guys, like, I think he's shown the stability that you'll need

Speaker 1 to rebuild.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, memes, thank you. We appreciate it.
You're, you're, um, I'm sure you'll be fine. You're not totally in denial or anything.

Speaker 3 Yeah, definitely not.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The hate fuels back up on Wednesday.
Oh, is it Wednesday? That's a quick turnaround. There you go.

Speaker 1 98-99 was when they won the conference. So I was close.
I was very close. I do remember them going.

Speaker 1 Okay, thank you, memes.

Speaker 1 All right, let's finish up with one of the best stories.

Speaker 1 Maybe the story that will bring baseball back, which is funny because it needs football to bring it back. But Jock Peterson and Tommy Phamm over the weekend, if you missed it.

Speaker 1 So Tommy Pham on the Reds, Jock Peterson on the Giants.

Speaker 1 It comes out a report that Tommy

Speaker 1 Pham slapped Jock Peterson in the face before

Speaker 1 Giants Reds game. There was a weather delay.
And after the game,

Speaker 1 the reporters talked to Jock Peterson. He doesn't deny any of it.
Neither does Tommy Pham. They ask why, and essentially it boils down to they were in a fantasy football league together.

Speaker 1 Jock Peterson was stashing guys on the injured reserve. Tommy Pham didn't like it, got upset.
Jock Peterson then shared a meme that was disrespectful to the Padres.

Speaker 1 And then we get the scene on whatever it was, Friday, where

Speaker 1 a grown man slapped another man, two pro athletes, over a fantasy football fight.

Speaker 1 And then Jock was like showing the text exchange to reporters afterwards and be like, here's the gif in question that I sent. Yes, I did send a disrespectful meme to the guys.

Speaker 1 And then I guess Tommy Fan was like, you don't know me well enough to make jokes like that. Because we've all been in groups with guys like that that get overly familiar a little bit too quickly.

Speaker 1 So like you see kind of where he starts from powing us. Memes paling us.
Yeah. Jake this manning Hank last week.
But I absolutely love the story because this is an unreported side of fantasy sports.

Speaker 1 Because you've always got, like, Matthew Berry does his little video sequences about like the funniest punishments.

Speaker 1 Like, some guy has to wear a dress and stand outside holding a sign, being like, I suck at fantasy football. He reports on those all the time.
Right.

Speaker 1 But we don't get to hear the dark side of fantasy football because I'm sure probably like

Speaker 1 nine or ten people get murdered every year over fantasy sports debates, things that start in a fantasy sports debate. That's what I want to hear more about.

Speaker 1 Well, so I initially, when Jock Peterson explained it, so it didn't sound like he did anything wrong in terms of the rules, but...

Speaker 1 There is always that guy in everyone's fantasy league that the guy who's like, he's the guy who's very, very active on the waiver wire to a point where like he sets an alarm at 3 a.m.

Speaker 1 He's the guy who will send out trade requests every week where it's like like three of his shitty players for your best player, just hoping someone accidentally hits accept on it. He's that guy.

Speaker 1 So nothing he does is illegal, but everyone knows that guy and they're like, he's kind of annoying. Like,

Speaker 1 it's just a fact. But then the fact that Tommy Pham got upset over a gif, I then swung very hard back to Jock Peterson's side.
Like,

Speaker 1 that was just a funny gif. Yeah, it was a fair gift.
It was like three weightlifters, and then the Padres one fucks himself up.

Speaker 1 I think that's, like, you should be able to bust balls like that in a fantasy group chat.

Speaker 1 Otherwise, what's the purpose of having the chat? Yeah. And then Tommy Fam also said,

Speaker 1 We had too much money on the line, so I look at it like there's a code. You're fucking with my money.
Then you're going to say some disrespectful shit. There's a code to this.
He broke the code.

Speaker 1 Chill out, dude. Like, you're a professional athlete.
If you're if you're playing for so much money that you have to slap another man, maybe take a step back and be like, this might not be for me.

Speaker 1 Jock Peterson just should have sent him the crying faces and be like, Who did this, fam? Yeah, yes.

Speaker 1 And then, Tommy Pham, the best part about this whole story is Tommy Pham got suspended for three games and he didn't appeal any of it.

Speaker 1 He's like, Yeah, I slapped the fucking probably, probably worse for Tommy Pham. Like, there's nothing like unloading a good slap.

Speaker 1 I'm not here to say whether or not the slap was justified, but when you connect on a good slap, it's more satisfying than knocking somebody out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 It's more disrespectful.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I

Speaker 1 put in a request to try to get Jock Peterson on the show because the way he was doing his interviews, it feels like he'll tell us everything. Like he was, he just explained it all.

Speaker 1 I want to know who was in this league. I want to know how much money it was for.

Speaker 1 Like, give us all the details because this now, like, this fantasy league, this should be a fantasy league that we all can watch happen in real life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I would love to see this as a bottom ticker on CBS on Sundays being like, Jock Peterson has got 145 points. Tommy, they should have to go head-to-head every single day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just pick a matchup. I want to get into a league with Tommy Phamm.
Yeah. Like the most dangerous game.
Yeah. And then I want to talk shit to him, and then maybe I'll get slapped one day.

Speaker 1 It'll be exhilarating.

Speaker 1 I'll be looking over my shoulder everywhere I go. Like, fuck, I really roasted him in the chat last night in front of the fellas.
He's probably... Pretty sore about that.

Speaker 1 Just send him the most disrespectful trade offers. Oh,

Speaker 1 he just cracks. Exactly.
Yeah. Just absolutely roast him.
Just laser in on him. So open invite to Tommy Pham.
I want to be in a league with Tommy Phamma next year. Yeah.
Or Jock Peterson. Either one.

Speaker 1 I think Jock Peterson seems like a pretty cool guy. Like, I know that

Speaker 1 he was probably. Although, I don't know.
Once you say cool. Once you get slapped, you're allowed to share the text message.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 The way that he was describing it, he was very somber when reporting on the different language that was used in the group chat. And he was confirming it.

Speaker 1 He sounded just like a lawyer that was talking his client through a guilty plea. He was like, yes, there was indeed.

Speaker 1 a disrespectful meme that was shared. He was like sad about the whole thing.

Speaker 1 I wanted him to just like go on the offensive a little bit.

Speaker 1 I want him to defend himself actually against allegations that he was being a dickhead on ir because i do think he didn't deny that yeah i think he i think he was being that guy in everyone's fantasy league where it's like dude just relax for a second like you know you don't have to do this the guy who basically makes the fantasy league his like full-time job and he just is always and like and then sends you the trade request and then like 20 minutes later texts you trying to convince you and like basically every trade request becomes a mini game of uh shark tank for him yeah where it's like just relax okay I'll get to it when I get to it.

Speaker 1 We do need updates, though. I need to know how the rest of the league goes.

Speaker 1 It is the best baseball story so far. And it is because of football.
Yeah. So thank you, football king again.
NFL is king. It's like,

Speaker 1 I was thinking about the whole story. I was like, the best part is that the NFL has made baseball relevant.

Speaker 1 So you're welcome. More, more,

Speaker 1 seriously, though, someone, we should fucking do it. We should fucking figure out a way to get these guys to go in a pickoff on the Barstool Sportsbook every Sunday.
Tommy Finn versus Jock Peterson.

Speaker 1 I just want to, I want to see them fight. I want to see them.

Speaker 1 They should, like, if you get slapped, there's an element of surprise that goes into a slap that you can explain away and be like, I was not prepared to defend myself against a slap because it can be a sneak attack.

Speaker 1 He needs to go after Tommy Pham next time he sees him. Yes.
Like there's some unfinished business there. I will judge Jock Peterson very harshly if he does not even try to go after him.

Speaker 1 Like you can't just tuck tail and walk away after getting slapped. Unless he won the fantasy league and he won all of Tommy Pham's money.
That's true. Then he gets the last slap.
That's true.

Speaker 1 How much do you think this actually was like

Speaker 1 10 grand? How much would it be for you to get so mad over a fantasy league to slap somebody else?

Speaker 1 Well, so I was thinking about if it was 10, if each guy paid 10 grand and the winner got all 100 grand and

Speaker 1 it was a situation where you were, although this was like week five, he said. So it was early on.
I'm going to look up how much money Tommy Pham makes. I don't think he makes Tommy.

Speaker 1 I mean, he's been around for a while. I hate him just because he was a cardinal.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he signed a one-year, $7.5 million contract.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's like $50,000 each. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's probably worth a slap if you lost $50,000 in it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's also like it could be theoretically that you, you know, you know how we always do the math where it's like you could lose, you put in 50 grand, but if you lose the league and you feel like you got wronged and you should have won it, it's like, I lost 500 grand because that's what I would have won.

Speaker 1 You know what? The commissioner of this league's been mighty silent. I don't even know who it is.
I don't know either.

Speaker 1 They need to investigate because. I'll just start doing some investigation.
Because the IR list thing, that's on the commissioner.

Speaker 1 If somebody's abusing it to step in and do that, like, of course, you're going to take advantage of all the rules.

Speaker 1 And by the investigation, I'm just going to text Rizzo and be like, yo, were you in Jock's league? Yeah. And he's going to be like, no, or not reply.
And that will be the end of my investigation.

Speaker 1 But yeah, Tommy. But I'm going to be on it.
I'm going to be on it for the people. Open invite to both you and Jock.
I would like to have you guys both in a fantasy football league with us here.

Speaker 1 We will say, you know what?

Speaker 1 Here's what we'll do. Tommy Pham, Jock Peterson, we will be in a fantasy football league with you two guys.
It will be the pardon-my-take league.

Speaker 1 There's enough of us now that we can get an entire league together, and we will all

Speaker 1 tank our teams to make sure that you guys are one and two and playing the championship.

Speaker 1 That is our promise to you. I like that.
We will field the worst possible teams we can field just so that you guys can go mono-y mono. Yep.
Blaine Gabbert 1-1. How great would that be?

Speaker 1 I would love it. I would love it.
Open invite. We have to make sure that they're, but it's winner takeoff.

Speaker 1 But it would be great too because it would be people could watch us and we would have a pact between everyone in this room that you, we have to play starters, but we have to see, like, we'll actually do a reverse winner.

Speaker 1 Whoever can field the worst team of starting players every week will be our winner. And then Jock Peterson and Tommy Fann will be the ultimate player.
It's surprisingly difficult to do that.

Speaker 1 I tried to do it, I think in 2014, i started a league called fantasy failball and that was the goal yeah but you would shock yourself there were some weeks when you'd be like okay i'm gonna start john beck so i'm definitely getting negative points out of him but it's tough yeah it's harder than you might think all starters yeah um okay that's our show we have no show tomorrow back on friday uh after game one of the nba finals um

Speaker 1 are you gonna be live streaming hank nah let's not agree to anything maybe we will be maybe touch wood maybe we will. Well, the first games in San Francisco.

Speaker 5 I mean, I can just do it from my apartment before we go.

Speaker 1 One last question, Hank. Because I know I thought of you when this happened.

Speaker 1 Was there a moment where you were very confused how the Celtics didn't have home court? Yes.

Speaker 1 When I saw

Speaker 1 that the Warriors are the 3C, the Celtics are the two. I was like, I know my man, Hank.
This man, he's going to stare at an article for at least two minutes being like, how is this possible?

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes. Was it when the announcer said whoever wins this?

Speaker 5 It was before the game. It was Heat Celtics, but it said Warriors verse.
And both of them was like, that makes no sense.

Speaker 5 I thought it was like it said that because they were waiting to see which team it was.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 5 And then it was going to reflect correctly. Right.
And then I realized after the Celtics won that that wasn't the case.

Speaker 1 Now, did that affect your handicapping of the series? Because you said Celtics Celtics in six. No, he knew it now.
Yeah. But there was definitely, because I, it would have been Celtics in five, right?

Speaker 1 That's how, that's how like, like,

Speaker 1 intertwined we are on this podcast.

Speaker 1 That the first thing I thought of when it was like Warriors game one in San Francisco, I was like, Hank is definitely going to be very confused and very mad about this situation for at least five minutes.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you're not wrong at all. You're very correct.

Speaker 1 Liam, were you the same? Were you like, what the fuck? Absolutely. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It is kind of stupid because the seeding, like, you're the two-seed and they're the three-seed, but it is a record. Yeah.
So, um, okay, that's our show. We'll see everyone on Friday.
Uh, numbers: six

Speaker 1 91, 69,

Speaker 1 19, 26.

Speaker 1 Hank, 25. Maybe that's why you keep losing, Hank, is because you keep taking the reciprocal of my number.
You said four? Four.

Speaker 3 Because Hank's never gotten it.

Speaker 1 I said 26.

Speaker 1 20.

Speaker 1 20. New number.
All right.

Speaker 1 How many we got left?

Speaker 6 6, 26, 27, 29, 51, 78, 88.

Speaker 1 So what's that? Seven numbers? Seven or eight. Wow.
It's incredible. What are we going to do when we hit all the numbers?

Speaker 1 Nothing. Billy's got to be vegan.
Billy's got to be vegan. No, dude.
Possums are huge in the battle against Lyme's diseases. They eat ticks.
Shout out Kyle Long for saving four of them this weekend.

Speaker 1 Oh yeah, Kyle Long texted me. He was like, hey,

Speaker 1 like, should I send Billy some food? Because he keeps complaining he has no money. I was like, no.

Speaker 1 What? Why do you keep saying that? I don't.

Speaker 1 Are you implying I text Kyle? No, no, you just say it out loud that you're like, you're like going hungry because you don't have money. But wait, why are you preventing Kyle from sending food?

Speaker 1 Because I was like, you don't have to. No, wait, I never,

Speaker 1 this is fabricated. I do not hit up Kyle Long.
No, no, I never said you hit him up. I think you just say it places.
He texted me.

Speaker 1 It was like, hey, is Billy like that down that he can't get, he can't eat? And I was like, no. Well, I was broke for like two weeks because of the IRS.
Okay. That was hard.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was telling Kyle, like, don't, like, don't feel that bad for Billy. He's just putting on.
Billy's low-key mad because you just stole meat out of his mouth. Exactly.

Speaker 1 That could have been the last meeting ever. Weirdest text I've ever gotten.
Like, out of nowhere. He's like,

Speaker 1 does Billy really can't eat? I was like, what?

Speaker 1 I like to imagine that maybe Kyle Long has, like, maybe he's hunted something. He's got a surplus to meal.

Speaker 1 If that's the case, I will make sure you get it.

Speaker 1 If that's the case, I'll make sure you get it. Is he asking about, like, should I go to the grocery store? Yeah, I don't want Kyle Long just buying Billy meals.

Speaker 1 Do you know how expensive New York City is? Yeah, but buying you meals is crazy. That never happened.

Speaker 1 There was one time I literally, the state of West Virginia took out a ton of money from my bank account and I was waiting for. All right, I'm going to rectify this.

Speaker 1 I'll tell Kyle I think he does hunt. I'm like, please send like a shitload of bison meat.
Yeah, if he's got something in a freezer, it's gotta be fair. I'm gonna be eating meat all of July.

Speaker 1 Yeah, love you guys.

Speaker 1 Talking away.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I'm to say. I'm saved anyway.

Speaker 1 Today's a night day to find you, shine

Speaker 1 away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on.

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 every day on you.

Speaker 1 Needless to say,

Speaker 1 I'm on settings, but I'll be

Speaker 1 stone

Speaker 1 away.

Speaker 1 Telling them that life is okay.

Speaker 1 Say after me.

Speaker 1 It's no better to be safe than sorry.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 in a day of day

Speaker 1 of day

Speaker 1 All the things that you say,

Speaker 1 oh,

Speaker 1 just to play my worries away.

Speaker 1 You're all the things I've got to remember.

Speaker 1 You shine away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 in a

Speaker 1 day.

Speaker 1 I'll

Speaker 1 be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 in a

Speaker 1 chance

Speaker 1 of meeting.