Paul Bissonnette Talking Hockey And Guys On Chicks, Celtics & Grizzlies Win & Hot Seat Cool Throne

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Speaker 4 On today's part of my take, we have our good friend Paul Bissinette, Biz Nasty, in studio. Awesome time with him.
We talk hockey playoffs. We do a little guys on chicks with him.

Speaker 4 We are recording the start of the show on Zoom because we watched all the playoff games. So you get all the recaps.

Speaker 4 The Celtics game, the Warriors-Grizzlies game, the Capitals game, the triple overtime game. We've got it all, but make sure you listen for Biz as well.

Speaker 4 He also has an awesome interview out now on Spit and Chiclets with Wayne Gretzky. Ever heard of him? The great one, go listen to that as well.

Speaker 4 And then we have Hot Seat Cool Throne. So great show for you on Wednesday.

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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 5 let's go.

Speaker 5 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 5 And then I love the song of work to be done.

Speaker 5 No place behind a lot of washing.

Speaker 5 And then I can't game all on the sound. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 5 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 5 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Electric.

Speaker 2 It's part of my take.

Speaker 6 Isn't about Marshall Sports.

Speaker 4 Welcome to part of my take presented by getroman.com slash take get $10 off when you choose a monthly plan. Today is Wednesday, May 4th.
May the 4th be with you.

Speaker 4 I mean, you have to say it. And we have wall-to-wall playoff action.
Holy shit. My head's spinning.
So many games. So many, let's give it up, though, for Hank and PFT for the PMT sweep tonight.

Speaker 4 Small claps because I don't want to wake Stello. We're We're doing this after all the games via Zoom.

Speaker 6 Big cat, that was very mean, what you just did to our favorite son, Jake.

Speaker 4 Why?

Speaker 6 Well, because he's a Panthers fan.

Speaker 4 Oh, fuck. Well,

Speaker 4 since he recorded, yeah, he had the heat last night. Yeah.
All right. Oh, yeah.
There we go. That's yeah.
Clap it up.

Speaker 6 Everybody wins. Jake, good job.

Speaker 4 Yeah, great night of playoff action. I don't even know where we want to start.
I mean, should we start with basketball and then go to hockey? We have a ton of hockey with Biz. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Should we start with basketball?

Speaker 6 Let's start with

Speaker 6 basketball tonight. I think that the people want to know Hank's thoughts right now.
He was the one that said he's not even thinking about the panic button. Turns out Hank was right.

Speaker 6 Turns out making 23 pointers in a game is a good thing. And you win most of those games when you're able to do that.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I was traveling, and by the time I got to my hotel and in front of the TV, the game was over.

Speaker 7 So that was always a nice, a nice thing to when you like, I was worried you'll hear about it coming up later on in the episode.

Speaker 7 But for my sources on the ground inside the building, they said Grant Williams locked up Giannis. celix hit a million threes mini whomping still back

Speaker 4 i mean that was uh that would help for mini whomping because like pft said the celeste just hit everything jalen brown was incredible al horford was incredible jason

Speaker 4 williams grant williams like they all although grant williams did try to legitimately arm bar pack conaton like he actually tried to snap his elbow in half he was killing

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah. But it was, that was what you expected.
I mean, I think we all said it on Sunday when the Bucs won game one. We're like, this is going to be a seven-game series.

Speaker 4 Both these teams are really, really good. And you expected an answer like this from the Celtics tonight because they're a really fucking good team.

Speaker 4 And now we get to watch it like Counter Punch when it goes to Milwaukee for game three, which is, I think, on like Saturday, Tuesday. Yeah.
Saturday.

Speaker 1 Saturday.

Speaker 4 When they said that, they're like, we'll see a Saturday in Milwaukee. I was like, wait, what day is it? Is it Thursday?

Speaker 6 That's actually insane that we have to wait that long for it. But I think what we saw in game one, like the Celtics aren't going to shoot that poorly as they did in game one.

Speaker 6 They're probably not going to shoot as good as they did tonight again in game three. So it's like somewhere in the middle.

Speaker 6 And obviously, like the Bucks, I think I saw somebody tweeting about like hypotheticals about what would happen if true, if Chris Middleton had played today.

Speaker 6 And they're like putting in his stats to the game, his probable stats. That's the level of stat.

Speaker 4 like uh uh like the deep analytics that we've reached now where you're able to run like probable simulations if chris middleton had played tonight he didn't play and they got smoked it was just that was in itself a whomping it it's it's when you have two really good teams we'll get to the grizzlies because the grizzlies had a great answer tonight as well when you have good teams at this point in the playoffs like it's hard it just you always expect that answer especially at home and i i actually like looked at the line beforehand and I was smart enough to be like, the Bucs is a total trap.

Speaker 4 Do not bet the Bucks.

Speaker 6 But I didn't have the balls to be like yeah the celtics are going to wamp them but i feel like i get half credit for being like do not bet the bucks no big cat as someone who gambles as much as you do you should know like that feel free to count that as a win yeah like a straight up win that should be worth a unit i just didn't have the balls to pull the trigger but i knew right away i was like that's pretty much the same line as sunday after the bucks beat them pretty soundly that makes no sense yeah it's like jazz music the the most important notes are the ones that they don't play the most important bets you'll ever make are the ones that you don't put put in at at the last minute.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so I mean, this is Saturday night. What is Sunday, Tuesday, whatever the Saturday is 3:30.
Saturday, 3:30.

Speaker 7 It'll be at noon.

Speaker 4 Oh, geez. That's early.
That's early. 12:30.
Um, yeah, make sure you buy the fight this weekend on the zone.com/slash barstool. Make sure you buy that link.
You can hear us call the fight.

Speaker 4 Um, Hank, you feeling good now? You feeling back?

Speaker 7 I feel good. I feel back.
Like you said, you're going to hear about some of my uh fears, nightmare. I literally had last night.
That is washed away. Mini whomping back on.
Okay.

Speaker 7 Only other note I have is that I wish fucking NBA home teams wore white.

Speaker 4 Agreed.

Speaker 7 It pisses me off.

Speaker 1 Agreed. But it is what it is.

Speaker 6 I like the green jerseys, though. I think the green jerseys in Boston are all the role.

Speaker 6 I think they play in Boston too. The black ones, I don't think you should ever wear those at home.

Speaker 4 I think it should be, you should have.

Speaker 7 uh two jerseys for the playoffs and then during the regular season you can do the alternates and that stuff but it's like you should have your home jerseys away jerseys and you wear your home jersey at home, away jerseys at away.

Speaker 4 Nike ruined NBA jerseys because there's like every team has 15 jerseys and they all wear like these weird jerseys. We talked about this last year.

Speaker 4 Remember when the Heat were just wearing the Pacers jerseys? Like

Speaker 4 they just ruined it.

Speaker 4 Each team should have at most four jerseys.

Speaker 6 The all-time funniest is when you see the Knicks in the playoffs and they're wearing, they're literally wearing a jersey that has Michael Jordan on it.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And they wear the black jersey with the black court. That's one of of the worst looks ever when the Knicks do that.

Speaker 6 Yeah, you don't get more cucked as a Knicks fan than tuning in to watch your game or your team maybe win a playoff game. And Michael Jordan is just staring you in the face still.

Speaker 4 Gary Vee probably sees that and he's like, I want to just shoot myself and my whole family and then go make millions. Imagine, imagine for a second.
All right, so next game: Grizzlies, Warriors.

Speaker 4 Um, great, great answer by the Grizzlies.

Speaker 4 The Warriors shot so, so bad. It also was like the eye-poke cheap shot game of the century.
Everyone got their eyes poked.

Speaker 4 Dylan Brooks, I think Gary Payton's probably going to be out for the rest of the playoffs. That was that

Speaker 4 the way I judge, like, and I think they actually should just take this for flagrance going forward.

Speaker 4 I judge it's the only thing that you can make an analogy to pick up basketball and not sound like a douchebag. But I basically judge flagrant fouls.

Speaker 4 Would this foul start a fight in a pickup basketball game? That one would have started a fight instantly.

Speaker 4 That's the one instantly not not and everyone who's played pickup basketball knows there's difference there's there's the jawing back and forth chest to chest these guys aren't actually going to fight and then there's the fight that would have dylan brooks what he did to gary payton it was like a double whammy in the air in his back terrible foul yeah it was awful that's that's literally as dirty as fouls get in basketball i can't even think of one that's worse than well like the undercut is pretty bad but this is like this is like the undercuts evil evil cousin this is the wild luigi of undercuts where you're getting the guy from the back and you hit him in the head.

Speaker 4 You're not

Speaker 6 in his hip. I think he's got a broken elbow.
So that should be, here's what they should do. Adam Silver, if you're listening, I know you pay attention to all the social media.

Speaker 6 That should be a flagrant three. That's a flagrant three.
And if there's a flagrant three, here's the rule. The other team, they get to pick which one of your guys is kicked out of the game.

Speaker 4 No, I was going to say, if it's flagrant three, it should not only be kicked out.

Speaker 4 You can kick anyone else out of the game, but you should also if you advance you should get to pick a player of the same stat levels to then be on your team for the next round i kind of as the guy that got hurt yeah right right like he like you lost gary payton jr you should now

Speaker 4 the warriors can find they can find someone in on the grizzlies roster that has like you can maybe maybe make a rule that's got to be within like i don't know like 15 of their usage rate or whatever and you get to pick that person and that person's on your team if you advance you could yeah you could do that with a current player in the league you could do that with someone who's entering the draft already or you could take that player's dad so gary payton comes back and plays for your team in the next round by the way what i i didn't even see it but was there like were people hating on john morant's dad i i went to look for john morant because he got poked in the eye and i was trying to see what was happening with him and like all the tweets it was one of those situations we talk about with twitter where you can't find the actual tweet like the bad tweet all you can find is people defending against the bad tweet.

Speaker 4 So it was like, don't come at John Morant's dad.

Speaker 4 I couldn't find where the, like the epicenter of this started, but that seems like an absurd thing to even start tweeting about, being like, fuck, fuck this dad who's like super supportive and always there for his son.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it didn't make any sense to me that it's the one where 99% of people are in agreement on something.

Speaker 6 We should do that, actually. We should just pretend like somebody was talking shit.

Speaker 6 Well, can you believe all the haters out there that say that Deuce Tatum isn't that cute?

Speaker 4 Well, here's the thing: we got, um, I think we've said it, maybe we haven't, but we have um a live stream that we're going to do, an overnight sleepover live stream that we're going to do at the end of May, and we're going to do grit week in August.

Speaker 4 So, just get your plans ready. But the live stream, we got to kill a guy like we did with Tim Tim Allen last time, where he's just trending when everyone wakes up.

Speaker 4 And I think we got to do that too, where we just basically like defend someone and get them trending and be like, Why would anyone anyone say anything bad about this person invent fake outrage yeah yeah who's somebody that that could never be hit weird

Speaker 4 like you i won't let them cancel scott van pelt yeah like i would like you you've come for a lot of people but i will stand up and i will not let them cancel scott scott didn't do anything wrong i think if you if you gave us all truth sir and we would say one night in college we probably tried that the context looks bad in this situation but you have to understand the full scope of what's going on yeah yeah like i know you guys

Speaker 4 I personally, I'm a personal friend of Scott Van Pelt, and I'll just say this right now. I've never known a more stand-up guy in my life.
This is totally out of character for me.

Speaker 6 Well, I can't defend the man's actions. I know that he's better than this, and he'll learn from this situation.

Speaker 4 All right, maybe not Scott, because he would get upset, but someone, someone we have to do it for. That'll be very funny.
Jake Mark. So,

Speaker 4 yeah, yeah. So, Grizzlies, great answer.
John Morant, I like, he just hovers. I don't understand it.

Speaker 4 He jumps up and he just doesn't come down.

Speaker 4 He does like six moves in the air every time he gets in the air.

Speaker 6 He's one of those players that like time moves slower when he's in the air. It's like him.

Speaker 6 Kyrie Irving actually is one of those guys too.

Speaker 6 When they get around the basket, it's almost like they've already planned out the four things they're going to do in the air before they actually put the ball up gently off the backboard.

Speaker 6 It's just insane.

Speaker 4 It's crazy. So that one goes to 1-1.
We should quickly talk about Jake's Heat. Nice game one performance and beat out.
But I mean, that's,

Speaker 4 you got to take care of business, right, Jake? Yeah, Tyler Hero, great game from him off the bench. And still no Kyle Lowry.
So they continue to be disrespected.

Speaker 4 They continue to take care of business. I love it.

Speaker 6 Everyone's disrespecting the Heat. No one picked the Heat against the 76ers this series.

Speaker 4 I want. I want Jake versus Hank so bad.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I do too.

Speaker 6 That might actually be what ends the podcast.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it would be so great to watch.

Speaker 6 Our two bosses.

Speaker 4 Yeah, just going at it head-to-head. Is your microphone taped to your stand?

Speaker 7 I know we talked about this. Maybe it was off the air the other day, PFT, but like, if you poked the top of it, like, would it fall?

Speaker 6 No, I got, I have it balanced using a system of the

Speaker 4 simple machines.

Speaker 6 No, no, so look, watch,

Speaker 6 tapping it right now, not falling. I've got it.
I've got a wedge system. I've got a pulley system all in one.
And it's because somebody stole my mic clip. So I had to improvise.

Speaker 4 i'm sorry i'm sorry for it it's just no it's okay you're ceasing hank hanks no hank's gonna i'm gonna get written up yeah you're gonna get written up and you're also gonna probably like there will be a new mic stand at your door tomorrow morning but you also have to pay for it with a bill

Speaker 4 yeah i i actually added on overnight postage to this that'll be coming out of your paycheck um and then the the sons that was a classic game that if you didn't watch that game and you woke up and saw the box score you're like whoa tight one.

Speaker 4 But it was just the Mavs decided to like make a furious run to try to cover the spread. And the Suns also like started playing super, super slow at the end of the game.
That wasn't really close.

Speaker 4 The Suns handle business pretty easily against the Mavs.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I think what we've learned from this series is the most important Suns in order for me. I've got Booker number one,

Speaker 6 Aiton number two,

Speaker 6 McGee, number three.

Speaker 6 Oh, Chris Paul, number four, and then Crowder number five.

Speaker 4 Okay, so Mikael Bridge is number three for me.

Speaker 1 Over McGee.

Speaker 4 His def his what?

Speaker 6 Over JaVale McGee.

Speaker 4 Yeah, his defense is incredible. Then I'll go McGee.

Speaker 4 Then I'll go Jay Crowder. Then I'll go Chris.
So Chris Paul, six man of the year.

Speaker 6 There we go. Congrats, Chris.

Speaker 6 Listen, people say that nobody respects Chris Paul in this podcast. We just gave him the award that some said should have gone to Steph Curry.

Speaker 4 Yeah, congrats to Tyler Hero. He actually did win the award tonight, but that was that was also such a funny thing because who cares about the sixth man of the year? But

Speaker 4 I follow so many people on gambling Twitter and it was so apparent that every I just missed the memo that everyone before the season started bet it bet on him because it was the most reaction I've ever seen for six man of the year.

Speaker 4 There were just tweets all up and down my timeline being like, cash those tickets. I was like, shit, where the fuck did I miss this?

Speaker 6 What a weird thing to bet on, too.

Speaker 4 It's so funny.

Speaker 4 Speaking of which, last thing on the nba then we'll talk hockey um lebron coming at the voters tonight he uh i'll read his tweet he said ja so damn tough there's no way ja should even have been in uh most improved player talks he won that award the guy is a flat out star and always has been real basketball uh brains no not the majority of dweebs who don't even watch basketball on those voting ballots yeah well you should also add to that that brain was the emoji for brain yes yes real basketball brain not dweebs i love lebron james on social media man it's it's the best he's he's basically like living the college sorority life that he never got to because he went straight to the nba between between his emoji game and then the egregious amount of instagram stories that he puts up this guy is he's no different than like a 22 year old in tried elt it's it's incredible and he just going after the dweebs who do you think the dweebs i mean he's probably talking about Rosillo.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would say

Speaker 6 probably Goldsbury, too, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And these are guys we all love, but like,

Speaker 4 you know, I think of those three guys, I think Dweebs. Big time.
Wendy? Wendy, Dweeb, big time dweeb. Who's Windyweeb? I love Wendy.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Windhorse.

Speaker 6 Oh, I was trying to set you up for one, Hank. I was throwing you an alley oop on that one.

Speaker 4 All right. Let's go to, let's talk a little hockey and then we'll go to Hot Sea Cool Throne back in studio and then biz.

Speaker 4 Also, quick announcement: the PMT slot machines have launched in New Jersey. So we're doing a giveaway.

Speaker 4 If you opt in, embed a total of $200 cash, you get a PMT hoodie, PMT special, opt-in, get risk-free wagering on PMT slots up to $50 in casino bonus. They got our logo all over it.
They got Larry.

Speaker 4 It's awesome. Check it out.
The slots are live now in New Jersey in the Barstool Sportsbook. Pardon my take slots.
Who would have thought? What a world. I fucking love it.

Speaker 4 Hockey.

Speaker 4 I mean, the caps. Let's start with the caps.

Speaker 4 There you go, PFT. They shocked the world.

Speaker 6 They shocked the world. They shocked me a little bit.
You'll hear later on this episode when we talk to Biz.

Speaker 6 I'm having a hard time believing in these caps as of eight hours ago. Right now, I'm almost fully back.

Speaker 6 I'm like 79% of the way back to declaring that these caps are different, that these caps, it's our year again.

Speaker 6 It was, it's, I mean, it's impressive what they did. They missed Tom Wilson.
He was out for almost the entire game after he scored.

Speaker 6 Somebody took a cheap shot at him, probably, which is just disrespectful. And then

Speaker 6 we lost Carlson at the end, too. I hope he's okay.
But

Speaker 6 it was a great game. Like we kind of ran into a hot goalie again, but we kept going.

Speaker 6 We ended up scoring the empty netter at the end, but then we were putting all the pressure on him in the second, third period. So like I'm, I'm dangerously close to believing again.
And

Speaker 6 yeah, I'm excited. I'm like fully excited now.
I was, I was bummed out going into it. Now I'm like, you know what? We can win this series.

Speaker 6 And, you know, as good as I think the Rangers are, it would be incredible for one last Penguins cap series with these guys that have gone at so many times.

Speaker 6 You get the two bands going at it one last time. That's what I'm hoping for.
But, you know, I can't look ahead, big cat. You know that.

Speaker 4 Like, yeah, one game at a time.

Speaker 4 And it was funny because when we do talk to Biz, you'll hear us. Like he was talking up Florida, how good they are.

Speaker 4 I was having a conversation in the kitchen earlier. It was maybe yesterday talking about the Stanley Cup playoffs.
And someone was like, yeah, it's wide open. And then they got corrected.

Speaker 4 They're like, except the caps. They're not going to win.
And I was like, oh, okay.

Speaker 4 And then boom, there they go. That's the best part about hockey playoffs.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 6 So if there's one thing that the Capitals know how to do, it's to make the best regular season team in the nhl go home early we usually do it to ourselves but we know that we know the roadmap right now so it's it's actually kind of refreshing to a certain extent to be like the team that is disrespected with zero expectations right whatsoever on and here's a little saber metrics for you jake i think you'll probably appreciate this one um the caps went on a 3-0 run after they showed kodak black on the jumbotron at the game wow Wow, Jake.

Speaker 4 I get her bad luck, Charm. I don't know.

Speaker 4 I just saw, I know they've been known as the comeback cats this season i saw they're like 34 0 and 1 uh when leading entering the third this year i don't i don't know if they're if they're the comeback cats i think kodak black is the one that specializes in that in that building

Speaker 4 okay

Speaker 4 um

Speaker 4 uh we also had like a classic game one penguins rangers three overtimes louis de ming who the the announcers just kept on saying his name because he's the he's the backup goalie for the Penguins.

Speaker 4 They came in and shut the door on them because their starter got hurt. They're just like Louis De Ming, Louis Deming.

Speaker 4 What a game. But also, if you're a Rangers fan, I mean, it's over.

Speaker 4 I don't want to say it's over, but it's the worst killing. You can't lose a triple overtime game, and they got screwed.
If you're watching the game,

Speaker 4 with three minutes left in the regulation,

Speaker 4 they scored a goal and then was called for goalie interference, but it was very clear that the penguins player pushed the rangers player into the goalie and they then go to overtime three overtimes at home where everyone like at the end is like a you know a drunk guy just fumbling around on the ice and they lose i there's no worse feeling than having committing

Speaker 4 i think it was six and a half hours

Speaker 4 close to seven hours No, no, no, sorry, it was six hours, six hours of your time, or five hours, whatever it was, of your time into a hockey game and coming away with absolutely nothing.

Speaker 4 Like the worst feeling.

Speaker 6 At least you have the like ref screwed us card. You have the NHL rig card big time because not only was that penalty very questionable, but also

Speaker 6 I think they only called one penalty in the entire game on the Penguins. So you can always go back to that and be like, we got fucked over.
It's us against the world. I feel bad for Rangers fans.

Speaker 6 I really do. Like that's, it's so demoralizing to lose a double or triple overtime overtime game in playoffs.

Speaker 6 And this is what we talked about last week on the show, which is your bodies are not ready for these long games. And to have it happen in game one, that sucks.
It'll suck the soul right out of you.

Speaker 6 And it was against the backup goalie, too. And if you're in the building, guess what? Oh, yeah, they stopped selling beer after the second period.
So you have to just be sober.

Speaker 4 You're no, you know, no, no, not sober. It's hung over, hung over,

Speaker 4 hung over by the end of this game. Yes, yes, no, they need to change the rule.
I know Feidelberg, our colleague, always has ahead of it. He has overtime insurance beers

Speaker 4 when it gets to the third period of a playoff game, which is genius. He just loads up and then at the end, if it doesn't go to overtime, he just has to chug them.
But who the fuck cares?

Speaker 4 Some team should figure out a way. Like, I don't know if you have to prove that you didn't drive to the game, but like figure out a way to keep serving beer into overtime because you lose your home.

Speaker 4 like advantage because everyone's exhausted and hungover and cranky.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So just sneak a flask into the the game.

Speaker 6 That's all you have to do.

Speaker 4 Yeah, overtime flasks.

Speaker 4 And then

Speaker 4 one of the funniest moments of the night, and then we'll, we'll go to Hot C Cool Trone. The avalanche just shit pumped the Predators.
And our good friend, the boy, Taylor Luan, who...

Speaker 4 By the way, Taylor and Will are hopefully going to be coming to the office next week.

Speaker 4 Will text me. We're going to have both of them on, which would be great.
But the Predators tweeted

Speaker 4 2-0.

Speaker 4 zero and he just quote tweeted and said nashville hockey town and the predators were like no no we're down two zero and by the time they had replied they were down three zero and then like two minutes later they're down four zero i think the first period was five nothing avalanche and it was just like it happened so i mean it happened like an avalanche it was just so great for him to just have to like sit there and be like wait

Speaker 6 what what happened i thought we were up two nothing the guy caused this yeah i caused it was the most dangerous lead in hockey but the other way around because he misinterpreted that's why he needs to be at these games well i'm gonna i'm gonna defend him here it if you're down two zero you need to say zero two

Speaker 4 yeah it was it was the official team account they tweeted out two zero two zero yeah that's not the right nomenclature correct that's not taylor no one and you don't say you're down zero two but you say like two nothing them two zero you could say two nothing them two nothing bad guys right but it just said two zero so taylor was like oh

Speaker 6 two zero no you have to do zero two yeah your team your team score goes first yeah it's only a tennis

Speaker 4 what well like you never talk you never talk to a friend and be like oh we're down zero two always yes

Speaker 6 we're down oh two yeah

Speaker 4 like we just lost we just lost the game 14 to 17.

Speaker 6 I guess from an announcer standpoint, whenever somebody on TV or the radio is saying it, they always lead with the winning score, right?

Speaker 4 Yes, but they say the teams. Yeah.
Yeah. Or they'll say like the predators are trailing 2-0.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 4 But yeah, I think we should just normalize always saying your team first, no matter what. Like, I don't know if you guys saw, but the Cubs lost one to three tonight.

Speaker 4 And there was a fight in the bleachers and the guys were so gassed out. It was, it was literally slow motion in real life.

Speaker 6 You know what my favorite part of that fight was? I don't know if you caught this, but there's a guy in the background and he's politely asking the old dude to stop kicking the other guy in the head.

Speaker 6 And he's wearing a positive vibes only only hat.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I mean, that's, that's our, those are our guys.
And, and also, I like Bill Burr yelling, twist his dick. So it was literally Bill Burr's doppelganger.

Speaker 4 I don't know what it'd be, voice doppelganger, voppelganger.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I don't know.
I don't know if there's a name for it. It's fucking 1245 in the morning.

Speaker 4 Okay. Anything else? Great night.
Great night

Speaker 4 of

Speaker 4 sports.

Speaker 4 Anything? What else you got? We have things in the Yankee game. Sorry.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 6 They hit a home run. Aaron Judge hit a home run, and the guy in the outfield for the Blue Jays caught it and then he handed it calmly to the young

Speaker 4 man behind him.

Speaker 4 There was a play of action all around.

Speaker 4 And then John Sterling on the call was like, and that'll be out number three. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And look at that father giving his son a baseball.

Speaker 4 There was one person who quote-to-the timeline. It was that video.
And then me tweeting about the Cubs fight in the bleachers. And it was like Canada versus U.S.
And I was like, Yeah, I'd take U.S.

Speaker 4 in this. Like, did you see that fight? That was awesome.
Those guys were in the, they were literally in the hallway in inception fighting. Like, it was fucking sick.

Speaker 6 The uh, the, I think it was the official team account of the Blue Jays tweeted out like a young Yankees fan is crying in the outfield as a Blue Jays fan hands him a home run ball.

Speaker 6 And I got so excited reading the first part of the sentence to see like just a weeping Yankee fan kid out there. And then it's like, oh, no, they're just being Canada nice.

Speaker 4 Yeah, too nice.

Speaker 4 You think that that would happen in the Bronx?

Speaker 4 They fucking throw the ball off your face.

Speaker 6 They throw the kid into the outfield.

Speaker 4 If I could have it, I would give it to a Blue Jays fan.

Speaker 4 If a Vlad Jr. home run.

Speaker 4 We don't want you in the Bronx Zoo. Fine.

Speaker 4 Not bleacher creature.

Speaker 6 One more thing, just as a public service reminder to anyone in the DC area, because the Capitol scored in the last minute, you get free McNuggets tomorrow. Don't forget that.
It was a McNugget minute.

Speaker 4 Huge. Could have used one more goal for the over, but whatever.

Speaker 4 That would be nicer than the McNuggets. It almost happened.

Speaker 4 Okay, let's go.

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Speaker 1 Okay, hot seat, cool throne.

Speaker 1 Uh, we're back in studio. We have biz coming up.
We are, everyone's flying everywhere. Billy and and Hank are about to board a flight, so that's why we started the show on Zoom.

Speaker 1 And we're going to do guys on chicks with Biz in a second as well. Hank, hot seat, cool throw.
So this is before Hank knows if he's down 2-0 or not.

Speaker 1 So if he sounds happy and then with the start of the show was down, that is why.

Speaker 5 Can I just say something? I'm concerned. I literally had a dream.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 5 I had a dream the Celtics lost, and I was pissed off. Like, I woke up pissed off, and then I was like, wait, it's 1-0 still.
Okay. So I don't.

Speaker 1 So we'll see. I mean, this will be interesting because the start of the show, we know the answer.

Speaker 2 That's very Marcus smart of you to wake up pissed off because of something that hasn't happened yet.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I woke up.

Speaker 5 It was weird. It was like my alarm went off early and then I went back to sleep.
You know, when you go back to sleep for like 30 minutes, you have the most insane dreams. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then you wake up like, what the fuck just happened?

Speaker 1 And they're very vivid. I woke up like pissed off.

Speaker 2 How did you lose the game?

Speaker 1 I don't remember. I don't.

Speaker 5 It's inception. You don't really remember the specific details.

Speaker 1 Paul obviously isn't life for you then. Well, no.
Because if it was, you would dream the actual place.

Speaker 2 I break down the film of my dreams.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Got it.
Well, speaking of hot seats, my hot seat is John Sterling.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 I think this is a bit at this point. Actually, because I don't know if you guys have seen, and they're funny videos, but

Speaker 5 it's like a meme format. It's like the juice ball era was crazy where they just show clips of like home runs, but it'll be someone bunting and then it cuts to it turning into a home run.

Speaker 5 I thought that this was happening with John Sterling where people were like video shopping him

Speaker 1 making a wrong call, but I think it was real. No, it was very real.
It was totally real.

Speaker 5 For the third time, it wasn't even close.

Speaker 1 Well, no, John Sterling. He's blind.
Here's what I'm going to say. He's blind.
In his defense, John Carlos should have thrown the ball back in because it was confusing that he didn't.

Speaker 2 He certainly did. It was extra confusing that the lady in the booth was like, Susan Waldman.

Speaker 1 Well, let's put the call in.

Speaker 1 That's very disrespectful. We'll put the call in.

Speaker 1 Roger, Roger's in the box. I remember that.

Speaker 2 Of all the dramatic things I've ever seen, that's really, I didn't grow up watching the Yankees on TV or listening to them on the radio.

Speaker 2 But she was like,

Speaker 2 the ball didn't go out. She was like, she has to walk him through the calls now.
It's better. It's like he has a seeing eye dog.

Speaker 1 Jake, what? I mean, what do you? Yeah, put the call in.

Speaker 4 Swung on in the air to right.

Speaker 1 Back goes Stanton on the track at the wall, leaping, and she is gone.

Speaker 4 It is a home run.

Speaker 1 Why are they waiting?

Speaker 6 Because Stanton caught the ball.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 4 and coming off the field is Chapman. Stanton never threw the ball back in.
Oh, Stanton just robbed Chapman of a home run. Wow.
What a play by Stanton.

Speaker 1 So that was the call. Gian Carlos Stanton made a great catch at the warning track at the wall.
Jake, this is a legend of the game. He's your hero, I'd imagine.
One of them. What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 It's time to take him out back and shoot him in the face. No.

Speaker 1 Metaphorically.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes.

Speaker 8 I think his contract's up at the end of this year.

Speaker 1 He needs to quickly

Speaker 1 make the decision so he can say that he's retiring and everyone can just

Speaker 1 heap praise on him so that he doesn't have to deal with what's going to probably happen a few more times.

Speaker 2 He needs the retirement tour. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He is actually somebody who is in need of retirement tour to turn all the negatives into positives this year.

Speaker 1 With the lockout, we're not even a month into the season. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 It's bad, Jake. It's going to get worse.

Speaker 8 I'm not saying he needs to step down or retire.

Speaker 5 But

Speaker 5 probably just shouldn't be doing play-by-play.

Speaker 1 But you said it, not me. No.

Speaker 2 That's as close as Jake will get to saying he needs to step down and retire. Him literally saying, I will not say that.

Speaker 1 Jake, you need to tank someone. You know what you need to do, Jake, is you need to create a correct call account for him.
Because, I mean, there are a lot of calls in a baseball game. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you should just tweet out everything he gets correct. He's probably.
99.9%. Right.
Maybe. Right.
It's just, no, probably not. Definitely not.
No chance.

Speaker 1 And now also, every time I see a clip and hear his voice, I'm like, what hilarious thing is about to happen?

Speaker 1 So, yeah, it's getting, it's like late Francesa, where it's like, if you become a parody of yourself. It becomes more clicks.
Yeah, but that's true.

Speaker 1 People remember it when he was a little bit more funny. Francesa in the end was hilarious.
Oh, he's very funny, but I don't think. Francesa in the end was funny.

Speaker 5 But then he also was so funny that he made them take down the Funhouse account, which was like posting all the clips. He was so mad that people were roasting him that he got it taken down.

Speaker 1 Right. Francesa was funny for fun for everyone, just like John Sterling's funny for everyone.
But I don't think Francesa was happy that he was being mocked.

Speaker 1 I don't think John Sterling is happy he's being mocked. No, he's a very nice guy, though.
Oh, I'm sure. He's a great guy.

Speaker 2 Do the

Speaker 2 Do the Yankees play the Phillies this year. Oh, you met him.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 2 I actually think that Castellanos could end John Sterling's career on an incorrect drive to left field.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 8 I feel like the East always plays the East, so probably. Or at least they always play the Mets.

Speaker 1 It's bad, Jake.

Speaker 1 You got to have a statement ready to go. Me? Yeah.
Yeah, this is on you. Well, it's on Battlefield.
I think they're professional.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's absolutely on you. You're not only like, you stand up for journalists, but you're also a Yankee fan.
So,

Speaker 1 okay, Hank, your cool throne.

Speaker 1 My cool throne, I have a couple.

Speaker 5 The first one is the Met Gala.

Speaker 1 I know you guys are Galileo.

Speaker 2 Huge, yeah. Galaxy.

Speaker 5 So I'm just curious, you know, what your favorite looks. Who was the winner?

Speaker 1 Blake Lively. Blake Lively, there's a vibe.

Speaker 2 The Statue of Liberty dress.

Speaker 1 Actually, Blake Lively.

Speaker 1 I think the woman yelled, it's a moment, which was very funny. It's giving me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, Eric Adams ended gun violence. He put a stop gun violence violence on the back of his jacket, the mayor of New York City.
So that's it for that. No one's ever going to get shot again.

Speaker 5 NFL ended racism. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He ended gun violence.

Speaker 2 Now, what is the Met Gala? How we figured out what happens inside the Met Gala. We've been working on this for about, what, five years?

Speaker 1 Fundraiser for the Met Gala. Yeah.
Okay. It's just rich people just showing off how rich they are.

Speaker 2 I kind of like the Met Gala for that reason. It does give us like one moment a year for us to be like, look at these absurdly out-of-touch rich people.
It's almost like cartoonish.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people get very upset about it.

Speaker 5 I like the people that get upset about people that don't follow the trend or whatever the theme is. Oh, what was the theme? Nice dress, but not the right theme.

Speaker 1 What was the theme? Jerry Leto,

Speaker 1 that was a look.

Speaker 8 So it turns out it wasn't him. Oh, it was someone else.

Speaker 1 Either way, I think. Yeah.
I thought the same thing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Namekau, something else, something else. Kardashians, Frederick Slade, Frederick Robinson.
Robertson. Robertson.
Okay.

Speaker 5 Then my other cool throne was academics because Jameis graduated.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Congratulations. Congrats, Jameis.

Speaker 2 Inspirational. What a scholar.

Speaker 1 That could be me one day. Need him on the show, but good job, Jameis.
Congratulations.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable accomplishment. He did.
It did was. Look, anyone who goes to the NFL is like, I'm going to keep going to school when I'm making millions deserves all the credit in the world.

Speaker 1 I would not do that.

Speaker 5 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And well, yeah,

Speaker 1 you just got a job at Barcelona and dropped out of college. Right, right.
Like, yeah. It's crazy how

Speaker 1 yeah, I know. So it's, it's crazy that these guys, like anyone who finishes college, so did Jay, after making millions, they deserve all the credit in the world.

Speaker 2 That's what Hank always says now the CEO. He says, fuck your business degree.

Speaker 1 You don't need that. Yeah.
You know who also didn't graduate college? Kobe Bryant. Dwight Howard.

Speaker 1 LeBron. Michael Scott, yeah.
KG.

Speaker 1 All right, Pifty, your hot sequel to.

Speaker 2 I just looked this up. The theme for the Met Gala this year was the Gilded Age.

Speaker 1 Ah.

Speaker 2 Which is just, yeah, just rich people. Everything

Speaker 1 from a different time. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's pretend that we were rich back when rich people had it even better than they have it today.

Speaker 1 Yeah, time traveling is rich people to what was the Gilden Age for those that might not know the Gilded Age when everything was gold. Yeah, I think it was like around the turn of the century maybe.

Speaker 1 No? Yeah,

Speaker 2 1870 to 1900.

Speaker 1 Okay, that was close. Yeah, that's the turn of the century.

Speaker 2 Okay, PFT, your hot seat cool drone. Okay, my hot seat is Hugh Jackson.
Because the NFL just conducted an investigation to Hugh Jackson's claims that he was paid to throw games.

Speaker 2 And they concluded that, no, it's literally impossible to tell whether or not Hugh Jackson was intentionally losing games or if he was just being Hugh Jackson, since there's such a big body of work behind him to establish the fact that this is what Hugh Jackson does.

Speaker 1 That's tough. It's like

Speaker 1 the lines are so blurred between being shitty and throwing games, we can't make a decision here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's not a jury in the world that would convict Hugh Jackson of doing anything intentionally, much less losing games. Damn.
Which is what he would normally do. Poor Hugh Jackson.

Speaker 2 But Hugh Jackson did succeed succeed in what Hugh Jackson does best, which is getting his name in the news for like three weeks.

Speaker 1 Well, all he has to do with that is just text Mike Silver.

Speaker 2 That's true. He's got, yeah, he's got a pretty big.
It's like pleading insanity. It's like Hugh Jackson.

Speaker 2 He's just charged with being Hugh Jackson. Right.
You can't charge him with incompetence. Yes.
My hot seat, or excuse me, my cool throne is

Speaker 2 unknown substances in your workout supplements because that's what DeAndre Hopkins is saying happened to him.

Speaker 2 He got suspended for six games next season, which is going to be the first six six games of the year.

Speaker 1 Remember when I said on Thursday night? There's something weird going on. Something weird going on.
I did say that, did I not? I was like, there's something weird going on.

Speaker 1 The fact they're getting all these receivers, they have DeAndre Hopkins.

Speaker 2 We were trying to figure out if Hopkins was going to be hurt going into next season. Turns out he's just going to be out going into next season.

Speaker 2 And so he's working hard to find out how this could have possibly happened. And his defense, it looks like it's landing on like, well,

Speaker 2 I tested negative in October and I tested negative in December. So how is it possible that I could have tested positive in November of last year? So his team is working very diligently.

Speaker 1 Was it three different steroids? Dude, I'm telling you, that never added up because I saw

Speaker 1 Albert Breer wrote something after he got suspended being like, it was like... The absence was why they pursued all these wide receivers and did all these strategies.

Speaker 1 I felt it. I don't know what, again, I thought, I didn't say it was PEDs, but I felt something was up.

Speaker 2 I thought maybe the injury wasn't healing that fast. Either way, that's what it sounded like to me.

Speaker 1 It makes sense now why they just got like a bunch of fast dudes.

Speaker 2 It makes total sense, but he was saying like he's taking a holistic approach to his recovery, which means he was probably taking all sorts of shit from weird yoga moms. He was probably doing like the

Speaker 2 herbal thing that has like all the goop. He was doing the Gwyneth Paltrow recovery, and I don't think that she labels her products correctly.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Billy.

Speaker 1 Thoughts, Billy? Steroids?

Speaker 9 He was recovering from a knee injury. He was probably probably using some sort of HGH or something to help heal it.

Speaker 1 By accident.

Speaker 9 Allegedly.

Speaker 2 The HGH that got slipped into Gwyneth Palter's candle.

Speaker 1 I think you should be able to use steroids for injuries.

Speaker 1 That part should be legal.

Speaker 2 I don't understand why HGH isn't legal yet.

Speaker 1 I feel like we've had enough studies on it where...

Speaker 5 Classify it as an injury.

Speaker 1 Surgery. Any type of surgery, you can use HGH for like a month.

Speaker 9 HGH can mess up your pituitary gland and also increase risk of cancer. If you have a tumor, any cancerous cells, it'll increase cancer production.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I don't know anything about HGH, but I'm just going to take a wild guess that the

Speaker 1 drug that makes you feel young and strong again probably has some side effects.

Speaker 2 That's usually how life works.

Speaker 2 Anything that's awesome actually sucks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, anything that makes you, that makes you, gives you the ability to turn back time is just going to kill you sooner.

Speaker 2 I was thinking about that the other day. Name one thing that's good that people love that isn't actually bad for you.

Speaker 1 Exercise. Now you can get hurt.
I really don't love it. Playing sports.
That's fun.

Speaker 5 Get hurt. You can get hurt.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you won't get your degree for five years. I like to walk.
You like walking? Yeah, I do.

Speaker 2 I walk. Actually, Big Cat does make us walk around a lot.

Speaker 1 I walk. I love walking.
No, you don't. Dude, look at my fucking Fitbit.
I'll show you my steps.

Speaker 2 You don't remember when we first moved to New York and every time we'd want to go somewhere?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because Hank and I would be like,

Speaker 2 let's get in a cab or let's take a subway.

Speaker 1 Public transportation.

Speaker 2 But be like, oh, it's only 20 minutes. Let's just walk.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Walking is the best.
You control your own destiny. You don't have to deal with Ubers or trains or anything.

Speaker 1 You are your own transportation. Walk.
There you go. That's your answer.
All right, my hot seat is ball sacks because Luca got hit in the ball sack on Monday night by Jay Crowder.

Speaker 1 And that is like just off the top of my head, like the 15th nutshot we've had in the NBA playoffs. You saw Robert Williams got Robert Williams, he almost died.

Speaker 5 Yeah, they had to cut to commercial break because he like fell down on center court. I was like, oh my God, is he dead? And then they came back and said, no, he's got hit in the nuts.

Speaker 1 It's also very funny because I had, I tweeted like, oh, Robert Williams got that like deep in his belly feel.

Speaker 1 And some verified Twitter account woman retweeted me. It was like, is this real? And it was like 150 replies of dudes being like, yes, very real.
Like, it's just very funny.

Speaker 1 Women don't realize that childbirth is not that hard when you've gotten hit in the nuts and your, your, like, balls feel like they're going to explode and your stomach feels like it's going to, like, cave inside of itself.

Speaker 2 It's an immediate reaction. Much worse than a period.

Speaker 2 It completely debilitates you. Much worse.
It's like having all of your periods at once.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So he, so, but this has been like a, it's not a, yeah, it's a pandemic because everyone's just kicking each other in the balls.

Speaker 1 I really do think the NBA, like,

Speaker 1 what would, Adam Silver is probably the number one commissioner to listen to the fans and like do things that the fans want to do to make the sport more fun.

Speaker 1 If you get a flagrant one, you should get to kick the guy in the butt, in the ball's back in center court. How awesome would that be for fans?

Speaker 2 To kick him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, that's what happened last night.
Jay Crowder kicked Luka Donchic in the nut.

Speaker 2 So I feel like when we were growing up, did some people wear cups when they played basketball?

Speaker 1 No, never. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 I think it happened in like the 90s. No, I think that there was a moment where they wore cups.

Speaker 1 No, they did. That sounds like you wore a cup playing basketball.

Speaker 2 No, I never wore a cup playing basketball.

Speaker 2 I'm saying like professional athletes.

Speaker 1 No. Cups.
No.

Speaker 2 Cups in general are just an awful invention is what I'm getting at because like if you've ever been hit in the nuts when you wear a cup, it's a different type of hurt.

Speaker 2 It actually, it hurts kind of the same, but it hurts a little bit more.

Speaker 1 Well, if it's if it hits dead on, there are like safe.

Speaker 1 Playing baseball, you've definitely had a moment where it's hit the cup like perfectly and it's like, ooh, nothing happened. That was awesome.

Speaker 1 that's a great the catcher yeah the catcher great that's really the only position that i think should wear a cup uh but yeah we need a new rule to deter this happening which i mean you telling me that you wouldn't like be a little extra excited to go to a game being like tonight i might see a guy just get smoked in the nuts what if we went the other way it's jackass so jackass in the nba it is it is funny to see whenever it happens right it gives all of us a nice little laugh if it happened more that would almost be better what if it was like you just broke up this podcast yeah yeah it's true.

Speaker 2 If you get hit in the nuts, then it's not a foul. The penis is not a part of the body.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be bad because then Traymond would just, like, he would just be grabbing dudes' dicks. Deli Hall of Famer.

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Speaker 1 All right, my cool tone is Reds fans. The Reds are, are, let me see what their record is.
It's actually

Speaker 1 3-19. They might have, they're on pace to have the worst record ever.
I don't know if that's actually true, but 3-19 is so, so bad, and they're trying to lose.

Speaker 1 And a Reds fan posted yesterday saying, During the Friday, May 6th game against the Pirates, I will be scaling the wall to defecate in the bed of the Toyota Tundra.

Speaker 1 If anyone can take photos of me, I'd appreciate it. Also, if anyone's down to also shit in the bed of the truck, meet me under the smokestacks in the top of the fourth inning.
Cheers.

Speaker 1 I just like that Reds fans are fighting back. This is how you fight back.

Speaker 2 This is how democracy works, guys. Get out in the streets, make a stink about it.
I do, I kind of in a weird way respect what the owner of the Reds said.

Speaker 2 I think that they're scumbags, but they said, like when the fans were having an outcry before the season started, they said, well, what are you going to do? Go watch a different team?

Speaker 2 No, you live in this neighborhood. You're going to come to our games and you're going to like it.

Speaker 2 At least they're being honest because I think that there are a lot of baseball owners that are intentionally not trying to win games and they have that mentality of like, we're the only game in town.

Speaker 2 You have to come see our games. At least by him saying this, they're being honest and maybe it will make people go shit in their trucks.

Speaker 1 And I'll go one further.

Speaker 1 I hadn't thought about this until right this second when you said that, that you respect his honesty, even though they're being dickheads.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be surprised if they saw the Bengals Bengals go to the Super Bowl and they're like, people are in a good mood. We can be real fucking assholes right now.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 they're just away.

Speaker 2 We can get away with it. Yeah.
The town's happy in general.

Speaker 1 Right, like

Speaker 1 we'll use the Bengals' wake and just be complete assholes because it's like the only time that they can't complain about the Bengals. Yeah, that is super villain shit.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the Reds, 3-19 is insane.

Speaker 1 The next closest team is the Royals 7-14. But 3-19,

Speaker 1 what does that work out to, Jake? Quick math.

Speaker 8 I think I saw on pace for 22 and 140.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Holy fuck. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. Yeah.
Yeah, I just did it. Yeah, it's 22 wins.

Speaker 2 There has to be a minor league team that could get more than 22 wins in a season, right?

Speaker 1 I'll do one season. A fan of bananas probably could.
Yeah. Hold on.

Speaker 1 I saw a tweet the other day.

Speaker 1 There's a Mexican team that could absolutely fucking beat them because it was basically the entire top of the lineup was guys who have played in the MLB and guys who recently have played in the MLB.

Speaker 1 They absolutely could beat the Reds.

Speaker 1 What? I'm looking for it. Filibuster.
And they have some good veterans on their team, too.

Speaker 8 I think they're dealing with injuries. They have Tommy Pham.
You've heard of him. Mike Mustakis.

Speaker 8 Joey Vado still there.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah.
Bring back Adam Dunn.

Speaker 2 Yeah, bring the big donkey. Get all the old guys back.
Get Chris Sabo back. Eric Davis.
I bet you, like, a Reds Legends team could probably get more than 22 wins.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, that's so, so bad. 22 wins.

Speaker 5 Just imagine being the guy that picked them to make the World Series.

Speaker 1 Did you?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you never know.

Speaker 1 It's a long season. I picked the Mariners.
I think they're in first. That's never gone bad for them.

Speaker 2 Will they be buying or selling at the trade deadline? The Reds. That's interesting because they don't really have anyone to sell, really.
Well, they're also doing Joey Vado's corpse.

Speaker 5 They're doing the thing where if fans show up with trash bags on their head or like kind of shirts that are making fun of the team, they kick them out.

Speaker 2 Well, that's what happens. If you don't let people

Speaker 2 exercise their First Amendment rights to show up with bags on their heads, they're just going to go further and take a shit in your Toyota Tundra.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right, here it is.
I found it.

Speaker 1 Top five hitters in the Monclava lineup were Keon Broxton, Josh Reddick, Addison Russell, Chris Carter, and Pablo Sandoval. They're better than the Reds.
Yes. That team is better than the Reds.

Speaker 1 Easily. It's so crazy.
They should just. That's fucking insane.

Speaker 1 All right, Billy.

Speaker 9 My hot seat is Quebec. There's a bunch of polar bears that are surrounding Quebec, and they had to shoot one recently.
Just interesting that there's polar bears invading a city.

Speaker 2 Like they're teaming up? Like, they're laying seeds to the city.

Speaker 9 There's a bunch of polar bears just like Roman in Quebec.

Speaker 5 In cahoots with the truckers? They might be.

Speaker 1 This is like Freedom Riders?

Speaker 2 Yeah. King's Landing all over again.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 9 And my cool throne is Minnesota and Canada. The reason why they can't land good free agents to make their hockey teams good is because of taxes.

Speaker 1 That's what I found out.

Speaker 5 Also, all-time scumbag move by that Minnesota player last night.

Speaker 5 As a wild fan and watching the first game, I might as well just rip that ticket up and fucking throw it in the trash.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's save that. Let's trigger it up with Biz, but it was an all-time scumbag move.
We'll get his take on it. Jake, your hot seat, cool throne.

Speaker 8 My hot seat's Charles Barkley. He doesn't know how to tie a tie.
I don't know if you guys saw this video from.

Speaker 1 How is that possible?

Speaker 2 He wears a tie

Speaker 1 every every day. Yeah, the last Ernie Johnson 25 years.

Speaker 8 The skinny part was longer than the thick part. And Ernie Johnson called him out last night.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 5 Did he have it like tucked into the basement?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think it's because of where he was sitting.

Speaker 8 You couldn't really tell unless he called it out.

Speaker 1 There are certain things,

Speaker 1 like as maybe we can do it as a Mount Rushmore in a month or two, but like that you have to be able to know how to do as a man. Otherwise, it's like throwing a baseball, tying a tie, changing a tire.

Speaker 8 You don't have a lot of fun. I'll be honest, I didn't try to tie a tie until senior year of college.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 8 Until I consistently had to start wearing senior college college.

Speaker 1 And we're just talking regular time. Bow tie, fuck bow tie.
No, no.

Speaker 1 Billy actually tied my bow tie the other day.

Speaker 2 You clip on a bow tie. Or you do the thing where it's got the strap that goes around and you buckle it in.
Dude, if you get like the legit bow tie, that's weird.

Speaker 2 Jake, you never had to take like a class that wasn't a class at Syracuse.

Speaker 8 We didn't have to start dressing up until like senior year. We weren't on camera.

Speaker 1 Jake, can you remind me

Speaker 1 when we're all back next week? Can we got to make a video that just is simply how to tie a bow tie and then just do that? No, I know, but just have us being like, please subscribe to part of my take.

Speaker 1 Because I feel like the how to tie a bow tie videos always give a vow.

Speaker 1 Like, that's immediately what people do because no one knows how to tie a bow tie.

Speaker 2 It should be a documentary of us walking to Men's Warehouse, purchasing one of the bow ties that you clip on and just saying, subscribe to part of my take.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 9 Billy did a good job. Sneaky is not that hard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you also, I mean, you needed a,

Speaker 1 like, we pulled up how to do it.

Speaker 9 But it was a lot simpler than I thought it would be.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I still, I just give up right away with bow ties. All right, James.

Speaker 8 Also, speaking of reminders, did you ask him on yesterday?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jeffrey Toobin. So we have to jerk off with Jeffrey Toobin.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 The whole group has to just reach out to me.

Speaker 1 I was going to remind him.

Speaker 1 If I were to guess.

Speaker 8 The group had to jerk off with Jeffrey Toobin.

Speaker 2 It was a year ago when Jeffrey Toobin came back on CNN and they did that interview where they were like, so you masturbated on a Zoom call? And he was like, yes, yes, I did.

Speaker 2 And I think at that point, we're like,

Speaker 2 we need to jerk off with Jeffrey Toobin.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 should I tweet him right now? Be like, hey, Jeff, you just keep down to jerk off me and the boys.

Speaker 1 That's what you got.

Speaker 1 I've got some time cookie. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Someone has to do it. Let's just figure out who has to tweet it from their personal account.
You can't put any context because it has to be until you wait.

Speaker 1 We wait till tomorrow morning when people get to this part of the show.

Speaker 2 Let's do a ball game.

Speaker 1 Yep. Okay.

Speaker 2 Ball game.

Speaker 2 Closest to it

Speaker 2 has to tweet at Jeffrey Toobin.

Speaker 1 Okay, closest to it. then

Speaker 1 yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's going to complain about TNT, but yes.

Speaker 9 We should recreate that viral video where it's like, are you watching porn alone? And then it's like, no, with my boys.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes, we'll include Biz. So he's about to sit down.
So, Jake, you're a cool throne, and then we'll get to Biz and we'll do the ball game with Biz, and he's got to tweet it.

Speaker 1 That would be, oh, man, if he loses.

Speaker 8 My cool throne is umpires admitting they were wrong. Umpire in the Mets game, Chad Fairchild, he went up to the pitcher and he's like, My B.

Speaker 8 And this is timely because Joe S obviously didn't admit anything wrong about it.

Speaker 1 It's never wrong. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he like he looked at and made eye contact and gave the pat to the belly.

Speaker 1 The universal spot is.

Speaker 8 So we should give the spotlight to umpires who do well. I agree.

Speaker 1 We only poop on the ones who make bad calls.

Speaker 2 The only problem with that, Jake, is.

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Speaker 1 Exclusively at Dizone.com slash barstool. D-A-Z-N dot com slash barstool.
Buytheight at Dizone.com slash Barstool. For access to our broadcast, we will be on the call Saturday night, live from Vegas.

Speaker 1 Do it. It's going to be guaranteed fun,

Speaker 1 knockouts, comedy, everything. Dazone.com slash barstool.
Please use that link so you can watch us and have exclusive access to our broadcast, to zone.com slash barstool. Okay, here he is.

Speaker 1 Our good friend Paul Bissonet.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our good friend, Paul Bissonet, BizNasty. You can see him on TNT with Wayno.
Do you go by Wayne? Just got off a Zoom call with Wayne O. He is fired up.

Speaker 1 He says he feels like he's playing in these NHL playoffs. That's how Pumpty is for our first playoff broadcast, which starts Thursday.
On TNT.

Speaker 1 Right, because ESPN started, thank you so much, Billy Football, who just got me a glass of water. Great assistant you have here.
Do you call him Wayno?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I call him Wayne.

Speaker 1 That's cool. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So Biz here spitting chiclets. They got coverage all hockey playoffs, best hockey podcasts in the world.
That's not even up for debate. He's here in studio.
So Biz, we want to talk playoffs.

Speaker 1 We have to do something, though, first. So do you remember that guy on CNN, Jeffrey Toobin, the legal analyst who got caught jerking off on Zoom? Yeah, I heard the story.

Speaker 1 So for some reason, we decided last year, yesterday, he came back to CNN, so a year ago and a day.

Speaker 1 And we told Jake, in a year's time, write down a reminder that we should all see if Jeffrey Toobin wants to jerk off, you know, have like everyone jerk off on their own, but like as a group kind of thing.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Like on Zoom. Yeah, not in the same room as each other.
We're not sick of it. But you guys can see each other from the waist up, and that's

Speaker 1 eye contact only. So

Speaker 1 we're going to. We decided that someone in this room has to tweet at Jeffrey Toobin and be like, hey, Jeff, you downed.
Well, you have the most followers. So

Speaker 1 hold on. Did I pass you? Yeah, yeah, for sure.
How many do you have? You had like a million in like 1998. I just, I'm not as active as I used to be.
I just, like, I don't, like, I got, I just.

Speaker 1 You were like the first Millie hockey player. Yeah, but I also used to just go crazy on it and tell people to fuck off and suck on my ball bag.
And like, I didn't give a shit whatever.

Speaker 1 Well, you can tweet Jeffrey Toobin. All right, so you're in this.

Speaker 1 The loser has to say, hey, Jeffrey Toobin, want to jerk off with me and the boys. The last guy to come? Is that the loser? No, no, I think we're all winners.

Speaker 2 It's not about, it's not a competition.

Speaker 1 It's just camaraderie. Well, you just said the loser.
How have the rules been established as to you would lose this competition? Well, because what is the...

Speaker 1 person who would lose the competition has to be the one that initiates the jack off session so it's it's it's ping-pong balls it's totally random we're guessing ping pong balls the loser of the ping pong ball so the person who's closest to the number that comes up has to tweet hey jeffrey tubin you want to jerk off with me and the boys and can't talk about it until tomorrow when this show comes out

Speaker 1 i'm not doing that why you might not lose for whatever reason what if tnt's like why are you asking the dude actually no

Speaker 1 that means means he's technically my coworker because I work for TNT. Is that why you guys brought this up?

Speaker 2 That's what he did initially. He jacked off in front of his coworkers.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Biz, guess number one. You can guess number one.
There's like, I mean, what are the chances you get number one?

Speaker 1 I'll say 99.

Speaker 1 Do you want to say 99? Yeah. All right, so get memes in here because he's got all of our numbers.
We texted him. This is fucking.
I guarantee this is rigged. Look at Billy Football.

Speaker 1 He has no clue what's going on. Here's the number.
Are you wearing the same outfit as yesterday?

Speaker 5 Yes, he is.

Speaker 1 Who's up second?

Speaker 2 No, we all texted our numbers over.

Speaker 1 So memes has them all.

Speaker 1 So someone's going to lose. I want to get up and see this machine because I think you guys are going to try and fuck me.

Speaker 2 Are you picking 99 and 900 wins?

Speaker 1 Oh, no, it's 87. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Who's closest, memes? Who's closest?

Speaker 1 What were the numbers?

Speaker 1 I didn't see Billy.

Speaker 1 Fuck. No, no.

Speaker 1 Billy did 69.

Speaker 1 That means biz is closest.

Speaker 8 I didn't didn't get business. 91.
Wait, closest has to do it?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 12 Oh, I thought it was farthest away.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 This game sucks. Do you want to do farthest away and do one more spin? No, I want to get on to moving to questions about hockey, not me tugging off on a Zoom call.
All right, one more spin.

Speaker 1 With my co-workers. All right, one more spin furthest away.
That's fair. One more spin furthest away.

Speaker 1 So if it's now if it's like two, you're going to lose. I'm going to say 67.

Speaker 1 11. Who's furthest away? Bill.
Also, Biz. Billy.

Speaker 1 Oh, I changed my number.

Speaker 1 I changed my number. Too bad, Billy.
Tweet it out, buddy. Do something around here.
Tweet it. Other than fucking play tummy sticks with the liver king.

Speaker 1 I don't think your mic's on. You're just all out of sorts.
How come we can change his number? Yeah, we let him because he's our guest. Okay, I'll tweet it out.
All right, so tweet it out.

Speaker 2 We don't want Biz to get fired.

Speaker 1 Yeah, tweet it out. I might get fired.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, you don't. no, no, no, from what? You don't even have a job.
Tweet it out. Just tweet it as simple as possible.
Hey, Jeffrey Toobin, you want to jerk off with me and the boys.

Speaker 1 We're paying you in bone marrow from now on, now that you're buddies at the liver care.

Speaker 2 What I love about this developing Billy versus Biz rivalry is like a year ago, we tried to get Billy to fight Biz, and Billy was like, no, no, he'll kick my ass.

Speaker 2 Now Biz really wants to do it, and Billy has been talking like he will fight you. And rough and rowdy, I think there was an official challenge thrown down.

Speaker 1 My whole theory is is i don't think i want to fight somebody or i know i don't want to fight somebody who it's not like a genuine hate yeah and i just can't hate billy he's just too likable of a guy we have a lot of spend a little time around him

Speaker 1 spar i i like i like it the way it is right now i like the relationship of when i see him just when i come here to get interviewed and we don't really you know communicate that much yeah i'm saying have him travel with you have him shadow you for a week and you guys will fight maybe we should actually make a bet between podcasts podcasts.

Speaker 1 We got the Florida Panthers and then because you guys are a Capitals podcast, whoever wins that first round series. Nope.

Speaker 1 And if we lose, maybe we send Grinnelli as your guys' assistant for a week. Nope.
No bet.

Speaker 1 All right, so let's talk hockey. Yeah, let's talk.
Thank God. Let's do it.
Let's talk hockey.

Speaker 1 What do you have on the line this year? Because I know you're wearing a Maple Leafs jersey off an awesome 5-0 drubbing

Speaker 1 of the back-to-back champs. Of the Lightning.
They didn't look ready to play. Rumor has it that some of the Tampa Bay Lightning, they were out in Toronto on Saturday.
What?

Speaker 1 Getting after it, maybe trying to get their Peckers wet. I don't know who.
I don't know who, but they looked like they were very sluggish.

Speaker 1 It looks like they didn't take Toronto seriously at all in game one,

Speaker 1 you know, in Toronto. And Toronto came out with their eye on the prize.

Speaker 1 They know what's at stake. And I said going in, they need to look at this from like a David versus Goliath standpoint.
And they got to put all their chips on the table. And they did that in game one.

Speaker 1 I expect a massive, massive push from Tampa in game two here, but if Toronto can lock it up in game two and go back down to Tampa up 2-0, I think they're sitting pretty in order to knock off the champs.

Speaker 1 And my main point about the Tampa Bay lane, I just think they're fucked out. You know, when you've just been fucking all night long, and finally it's 6 a.m.

Speaker 1 and the sun's coming up, and you're like, I'm blowing dust. They went back to back, man.
They did a bubble champion. It's a lot of games.
A lot of games, a lot of hockey, a lot of like,

Speaker 1 your central nervous system can only handle so much, right? And then on top of that, afterward, they're fucking crushing 60,000 bud lattes for the next month. So your body can only handle so much.

Speaker 1 So I think that the Tampa Bay Lightning are done.

Speaker 2 So how does that work when a team goes to a playoff road game and they've got two nights? So you said they went out on Saturday night. The game was on Monday night.

Speaker 2 Does that do they usually stay in like those two nights?

Speaker 2 Or is it like I can understand being like hey guys Let's not go out and get mangled the night before the game, but I feel like two nights before most teams would probably do that, right?

Speaker 1 I would, I, first of all, I just heard it from a little birdie, you know, a little chirp, chirp.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's exactly true, but two nights before, even regardless, if it's playoff hockey, you're staying in, you're putting one in your belly button around 11, then your lights out.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's it.
Nice little amp, nice little ambient cocktail and good night, Jim Kite, right? All right, so the Leafs. So, could it come home? Could it go to Canada? Because

Speaker 1 I bet heavy Calgary, a little bit less than heavy Tampa, and then after that, Edmonton. So I have all three teams, but tell me which one of those three teams has the best chance?

Speaker 1 I would probably actually put Calgary maybe a little bit ahead of Toronto, especially given their first-round matchup. Although, much like Edmonton and L.A., I haven't given L.A.

Speaker 1 the respect they deserve. Calgary has drawn Dallas.
Dallas has a one-line team. They got good goaltending, a good back end, but they're fucking boring to watch.

Speaker 1 Their fans are hardcore down there in the Big D.

Speaker 1 But they had that magical run a few years ago where they just kind of found a way and put it together with guys like Jamie Benn and Tyler Sagan, who I'm sure you're familiar with being a Barstool employee and the fact that he crushed half of Boston.

Speaker 1 But if they can get that secondary scoring going,

Speaker 1 Calgary,

Speaker 1 they haven't had much experience or success in the playoffs. But as far as Calgary's lineup, they locked in their number one goalie this offseason, that Markstrom.

Speaker 1 He's an absolute stallion suede, who's, I think he had nine shutouts. They play an overall unreal team defense.

Speaker 1 They are big and mean on the back end, and then they have that one top line who just lit up the NHL the entire season. Johnny Goudreau, Lynn Holm, and then Matthew Kachuk.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you guys know Walt, Keith Kachuk, who played a long time in the NHL, one of the best American-born players.

Speaker 1 He had two kids, Brady and Matthew, one of which is playing in Calgary, and he had a career year, and he's going to get fucking paid.

Speaker 1 So Calgary, from an overall team standpoint, they've been a wagon all year. I have a lot of trust in them, but much like

Speaker 1 the Leafs, they have that mental hurdle they got to get over. They got to get past that first round, and then all the pressure comes off, and then I think that both of them can go on runs.

Speaker 1 Calgary looks good.

Speaker 2 So with the Leafs, how much weight is carried, like the history in that jersey of knowing that, hey, this team is stonking the playoffs for, you know, what, the last like 30 years? Longer, longer.

Speaker 1 I don't think they've won the cup in 70 years.

Speaker 1 They haven't been out of the first round and I want to say 17 or 18 years.

Speaker 1 I would view the Toronto Maple Leafs quote-unquote curse. And I just, I don't exactly know what to tie it back to, but when Boston went as long as they did without winning that World Series,

Speaker 1 what was the curse and the fact that they traded away

Speaker 1 Babe Ruth? Was that the curse?

Speaker 2 Yeah, was that curse of the Bambino?

Speaker 1 Curse of the Bambino, right? At this point, I feel like the Leafs have been cursed. For whatever reason, they just like they,

Speaker 1 they got a limp deck come playoff time. They need the C-bomb special to get themselves going.

Speaker 1 And that's why I think once they get past this first round and these new wave of players who have kind of assumed all this pressure

Speaker 1 from the history of the Leafs, I think then it's going to propel them to have confidence and just kind of focus on the hockey side of it. 1967, I had that right.
Not a big deal. Oh, you knew exactly.

Speaker 1 I know Puck.

Speaker 1 All right, so best goalie in the playoffs. Well, you got to give it to Vasilevsky because he hasn't been knocked off the throne, and that's just going back to Tampa.

Speaker 1 And the reason I say that, and you remember how I talked about the central nervous system and fucking having to be on non-stop,

Speaker 1 he is relied upon so heavily in those back-to-back playoffs where they won both. He didn't lose back-to-back games one time.
He went five goals last night. Yeah, that's fine.

Speaker 1 So next game, game two, leaves Tampa. If he were to lose, that would be the first time in the last

Speaker 1 three playoff series that he's lost back-to-back games as a goalie. I want to say that even with the two runs that he did and not losing in back-to-back games, that had never been done.

Speaker 1 I don't even know if it had been done in one Stanley Cup film. Yeah, that's a crazy stat.
Yeah, and to play every game, he is just a horse. He's a freak.
He's the best goaltender in the world.

Speaker 1 Although I say that based on championships and body of work, if I had to pick an alternative to a guy who has not proven himself, and I don't even know if he's ever played a playoff game, I i don't think so igor shosturkin yeah with the new york rangers this kid's very special i think he also they say that he's uh i i want to say wayne even said this so don't go

Speaker 1 he's he it was either him or somebody else mentioned he thinks the game like weno normally goalies just concern themselves with stopping the puck but some of them are smart enough to understand the way that the defense and offense shifts and where they need to be in order to stop the puck.

Speaker 1 Apparently, Patrick Waugh was one of those guys where when he got to Colorado, he would i think he was roommates with adam foote and he would structure how they should play little by little throughout his time there till when they led into playoffs about just basically telling the guys stand here do this i'll stop it from these angles and they work together in order to win two championships in colorado when he was there so some some guys in net just have a very special brain and they're saying igor shosturkin not only with his skill set he's going to win the vesna this year but he also just thinks the game, and that's why he's able to be so good.

Speaker 2 So the Rangers, I feel like the Rangers have a very sneaky, good team. Yes.
Like they have, I put a future on them, I put a future on the Leafs, but I feel more confident in the Rangers.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, I'm rooting for the Caps, but I'm very also, I'm realistic about the Caps opportunities this postseason.

Speaker 1 So the Rangers were one of those teams where you were like, hmm, on the cusp, but I really like their deadline moves.

Speaker 1 They brought in Andrew Kopp, who was over in Winnipeg, who's a great utility guy who can go up and top the top lines. They got a great back end.
Of course, you guys know Adam Fox.

Speaker 1 He ended up winning the Norris last year.

Speaker 1 But yeah, they got a good back end, incredible goaltending, and then they have really good guys up top and then a very well-balanced forward line.

Speaker 1 So my only thing going in, though, so I picked Pittsburgh to win the series because of two things. Loyalty, they ended up drafting me, and that's where I got to play my first NHL game.

Speaker 1 And, of course, skate on the same line as Sidney Crosby for six seconds until he noticed I was there, and then he fucking beelined off the ice.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Rangers have had Pittsburgh's number all season long. I think in the three games, they only scored one goal at even strength.

Speaker 1 And in the last game, there was a bit of a heated battle of the regular season between the two teams.

Speaker 1 And then Igor Shosturkin, as they were signaling the crowd, there was a bit of a riff still going on with Pittsburgh, and he was giving them like the wave goodbye.

Speaker 1 And I just...

Speaker 1 Bulletin board material is not something you want to give of Gennie Malkin and Sidney Crosby and Chris LaTang, who have been the cornerstone of this core group of Pittsburgh, who have won three championships in their tenure there.

Speaker 1 And the fact that Rangers pummeled them in the regular season, I just think that it gives them a little extra oomph in order to go fucking knock off a superior team in New York.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you said something interesting there. I want to ask, in terms of playoffs, who has the deepest team? Because I always think that, you know,

Speaker 1 the star talent matters, but hockey, you have to be able to put out three and sometimes four decent lines that can all do things because you can't just rely on one line.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so there's two redonculous wagons this year. So you got the Florida Panthers, who four unreal lines of offensive driving forwards,

Speaker 1 great back end. They made a couple of additions at the deadline.
One that Ben Sherratt from Montreal, who will help out their top four.

Speaker 1 And then they just got Aaron Ekblad back, who before he ended up going down, was probably top five for the Norris.

Speaker 1 And then you look at their goaltending, Bobrovsky has been shaky the last couple years, ever since he got his big contract, came over from Columbus. But they also have

Speaker 1 Spencer Knight, so they also have that one-two punch, which you're seeing a lot more with NHL teams. They're not just relying on this one-goalie system.

Speaker 1 You're seeing it in Minnesota when they ended up picking up flour at the deadline.

Speaker 1 I mean, the examples go on and on and on for NHL teams who have two guys in that.

Speaker 1 The other wagon out west, down south, is Colorado.

Speaker 1 South, yeah,

Speaker 1 the big southern state there.

Speaker 1 They were kind of the head and above favorite all year, and everybody thought they were going to win the president's trophy.

Speaker 1 But the Florida Panthers ended up rattling off without Aaron Eckblad, like 13 wins in a row to finish off the season in order to overtake and win the top team in the league.

Speaker 1 But I think that the West, playoff-wise, is an easier road to the cup.

Speaker 1 Therefore, I'm going to to lean towards saying the ultimate wagon and the deepest team in all of the NHL is the Colorado Avalanche. And I give them the nudge because of their back end.

Speaker 1 That's one of the best decors I've seen in a long, long time, led by a guy who

Speaker 1 I don't think people are willing to give him the Bobby Ort title quite yet, but Kale McCarr is easily the next Paul Coffey. We hadn't seen a defenseman who's able to drive traffic like him.
The way

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Now back to Paul Bissinette.

Speaker 2 Is there anything to the theory that if you win the President's Cup, it's actually bad?

Speaker 1 There are stats on that. I believe only eight teams who have ever won the President's Trophy have ever went on to win the Stanley Cup.

Speaker 1 And it's been a while since a President's Trophy winner has even reached the final. And, I mean, being a Caps fan, you should know that the most.
Yeah, I just how many years in a row?

Speaker 2 For a while, I thought it was just us. That happened all the time.
Turns out, like, it's a long season.

Speaker 2 And if you play at a high level all season, it's more about like once you get the playoffs, I'm sure, like, you get a hot goalie, you get streaky, you start playing with confidence, you get like an edge to your team.

Speaker 2 That makes a little bit more of a difference sometimes.

Speaker 1 And also, the NHL has done such a good job, and there is criticism with the hard cap in certain areas. I mean, agents in particular, because they want more money for their clients, and rightfully so.

Speaker 1 But it's just created so much parody where you look at the NBA playoffs, like even this year, I believe every one through four seed in each conference advanced. Yes.
There was not one upset.

Speaker 1 That's

Speaker 1 sick league.

Speaker 1 That's rarely the case in the NHL. And, you know, I appreciate that about the league.

Speaker 1 There's no guarantees, no layups. So,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 I think that the one cool thing, though, is when you do win the President's Trophy, I think the team ends up getting

Speaker 1 $250,000, $300K to divide through the players. So it's a nice little night out with the fellas in the summer.
I think each guy sees about $20,000. That's not bad.

Speaker 1 For some guys who are making league minimum or

Speaker 1 $800,000 after taxes, escrow, the whole kit and caboodle, I think you make... you know, maybe $350,000 of that.
It's a nice little weekend with the boys investors. It's not bad.

Speaker 1 Let's talk cheap shots.

Speaker 2 So last night, Minnesota Wild Jared Spurgeon, is that his name?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jared Spurgeon gave a cross-check to the back of a

Speaker 2 killer tendon. If Tom Wilson does that, how many game suspension are we talking about?

Speaker 1 I think that he's going down to San Quentin. Yeah.
Is that still a prison? They'll kill him.

Speaker 2 They'll bring out the tarp like a racehorse. Put him down on the ice.

Speaker 1 I know the caps are going to get pumped in the series by the Florida Panthers, but I said it would be nice if we could have a clean Tom Wilson hit that just erupted the Twitter and internet.

Speaker 2 And everyone's like, kill him. Lock this guy in prison.
And the director of player safety is like, you know what? That was a clean hit.

Speaker 1 That's what I want to. I think that

Speaker 1 Peros, who is the one who's in charge of all that, has done a good job, in my opinion, of keeping the integrity of hockey.

Speaker 1 There's a strong voice online that wants to soften the game a little bit.

Speaker 1 So anytime there's anything remotely close to something that was borderline, they go nuts and suspend this guy for life and get all the dirty players out of the game.

Speaker 1 Those are people who just don't understand how fast these games are going. Yeah.
In my mind. Correct.
Because, like,

Speaker 1 there are certain points where you can point to it and be like, all right,

Speaker 1 that was a dirty hit that was like, there was intent, all those things. Those have to be out of the game.

Speaker 1 But bang-bang plays, when people are like, look, you can see him launching, and it's like, dude, you just slowed it down. You slowed down a play that was happening at like 30 miles an hour.

Speaker 1 And like, I don't know what that Achilles said to the guy. Wait, so what, what, what happens though? Like, what did that Achilles say to Spurgeon?

Speaker 1 Was he talking about his fucking pizza up the middle in the first period? I don't know if he deserved it.

Speaker 2 I mean, that, to me, just watching it as a casual fan, it's like that's one of those plays Big Cat was talking about where there's intent there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, that was a dirty play. He was trying to injure him, right? Yeah, that was a dirty play.
Yeah, I think his wires crossed, and he may be hearing

Speaker 1 from player safety. Now,

Speaker 1 what happens, though, after, like, what happens in game two is you're in the locker room,

Speaker 1 you know, you have to suspend disbelief here. You're starting, or you're, you're on the third line for a playoff team, and that happens.
What do they say to Biz?

Speaker 1 No, so that's actually a really good question, baby. Thank you.
Good question. Let's give him a round of applause, everybody.
Let's keep the energy high in here. Let's keep it high.
Stand up playoffs.

Speaker 1 Billy, did you send the tweet?

Speaker 9 What exactly do you want me to say?

Speaker 1 I mean, hey, Jeffrey Toobin, I want to jerk off with me in the boys. Oh, you guys got to do his thinking for him, too? Yeah, this is crazy.
No, I had a draft.

Speaker 1 Hey, Jeffrey Toobin, you want to come jerk off with the boys.

Speaker 9 Yeah, that sounds good.

Speaker 1 You know, that works.

Speaker 1 Right to the point.

Speaker 1 Right to the point. Okay, Paul, Jim.
All right, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Yeah, tell him I'm not involved, though, because I already rang one out this morning, so I wouldn't be able to even get the thing up right now unless you showed me some real sick shit.

Speaker 1 Okay, hey, Jeffrey, you need some mascara dripping or something.

Speaker 2 Come jerk off with the boys, but not Biz Nasty.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But not Biz Nasty.

Speaker 1 He's telling him we'll do it at work when I see him on Friday

Speaker 1 at the Turner Studios. So going back to your question,

Speaker 1 so if I saw my teammate accept a cheap shot, in the regular season, things are completely different than playoffs. There's really not as much at stake.

Speaker 1 And in fact, in the regular season, it was when you want to beat down your point.

Speaker 1 In a playoff round, you're going to have to just keep his number and at some point, hopefully you can get retribution.

Speaker 1 But now saying that, it's just impossible because even, you know, even in that series clinching win, if you're up a couple goals towards the end, you can't go out and take a penalty on the guy because you might end up costing your team.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that's the time of year where you just have to really accept it,

Speaker 1 not let your ego get in the way, and just kind of focus on the ultimate prize.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, so hope that it occurs like naturally during the course of a game where you can get a good shot on them

Speaker 1 in the back of your mind,

Speaker 1 where you can get a clean hit. But if, but if that's what you're going out thinking of during your shift, I mean, I think you're already behind the eight ball.
So, it's it's hard, man.

Speaker 1 It's the game within the game, and that was that was something that certain players didn't have to deal with. That was particularly what I had to worry about.

Speaker 1 But once again, I can't just go out there in a playoff shift and then end up taking a penalty to get back at a guy because it could end up costing my team.

Speaker 1 And then next thing you know, I'm in the press box. Okay, follow-up question.

Speaker 1 How much in a playoff atmosphere do you,

Speaker 1 let's hypothetically say we gamble on these games. How much do you think home ice and the crowd should be taking into the calculation of which team you're betting on?

Speaker 1 I know, obviously, last line change, and you could tell me about that. Like, does that matter at all? I know people mention it.
Like, matchups do matter at home.

Speaker 1 So, so, in certain cases, yes, in certain cases, no. Like, there's been teams, like, I remember New Jersey, New Jersey, a few years ago, they ended up

Speaker 1 won like 80% of their road games during playoffs. But then I believe they were also losing a lot at home.
So, for some teams, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 As far as the matchups are concerned, let's use the Edmonton LA series as an example. You have two of the best players in the world, Connor McDavid and Leon Dreisitel.

Speaker 1 Philip Deneau, who came over from Montreal and ended up signing a big ticket this offseason with L.A., is known as one of the best shutdown centermans in the league.

Speaker 1 He doesn't necessarily produce a ton of offense. Well, at least before this year.

Speaker 1 And when they get to go home in L.A., I would imagine either him or Cole Petar are out there every single shift against

Speaker 1 the boys, just shadowing them. And I never even really noticed them that much.
But then we had Nathan McKinnon on the podcast. We said, who's the hardest guy for you to play against the league?

Speaker 1 Expecting he would say one of the big names. And he goes, honestly, man, he goes, that Philip Deno.

Speaker 1 He's just one of those guys where on the defensive side of the puck, he just knows how to irritate you. He's always got to stick in the right place.
His body positioning is great.

Speaker 1 He's good on face-offs. So

Speaker 1 in some cases, those line matchups and home ice advantage is huge, especially at the fact that LA ended up getting game one in Edmonton

Speaker 1 on a goalie gift

Speaker 1 from Mike Smith. So it's like, you guys are freaking asking unreal questions.
We're all over the place.

Speaker 1 I'm pumped for the no, who doesn't love Stanley Cup playoffs? They're fucking electric. So what about the crowd, though? The second part of that question.
Like, do you think, do you think it matters?

Speaker 1 I know it matters. So

Speaker 1 in other sports, I don't think it really matters much in football anymore in terms of NFL. College still matters.

Speaker 2 I think it does in terms of

Speaker 2 snap counts and things like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but if you look at the actual numbers, it has decreased significantly. The home advantage in football is not what it used to be, at least from a point spread perspective, 20 years ago.

Speaker 1 Basketball,

Speaker 1 you could make the argument, college basketball for sure, because they're just kids. Baseball, yeah, you get the bottom of the ninth.

Speaker 1 I never knew with hockey. I also think it depends on which team, you know, and

Speaker 1 what they're able to handle adversity-wise, especially in the moment.

Speaker 1 Like, let's say they're on the road and they're up 2-0, and the other team's pressing, and all of a sudden they get that first one, and the crowd's going fucking nuts. The towels are waving.

Speaker 1 Like, you can visually see some teams where you get their arseholes pucker up and and they are just on the ropes much like in boxing right so it depends on the teams and which players had have been there and how they're able to really control their emotions in that type of setting some guys are incredible at just blocking it all out and they are just zoned in on the game it couldn't you could ask them about things that happened you know from the crowd perspective and how loud it was and they wouldn't be able to tell you.

Speaker 1 And then there's guys like me where I'm like, holy shit, this building is buzzing right now.

Speaker 1 So So

Speaker 1 it's all really personality and team-based.

Speaker 2 What about coaching? What's more important in terms of coaching in the playoffs?

Speaker 2 The guy that's like, he's right on top of all of his shit with the line changes, with some substitutions, things like that?

Speaker 2 Or the guy that is able to get his team pissed off, ready to go, play with a lot of energy?

Speaker 1 I think most of these coaches want their teams prepared and have had sustained success in all areas of their game going into playoffs. Like

Speaker 1 whether it's power play. But yeah, like the motivation factor should be coming from within the guys in the locker room, not the head coach.

Speaker 1 I think that as long as he's keeping a calm demeanor and focusing on his execution of his game, it's a lot though, man. Like hockey,

Speaker 1 you know.

Speaker 1 Football, you could also go in with a game plan and have all these

Speaker 1 plans drawn up. Whereas hockey, it's just like there's so much changing and shifting, maybe guys going down to injury.

Speaker 1 It could be a game where it's a lot of special teams.

Speaker 1 So how are you going to manage the energy of your bench and maybe spreading out that ice time to your penalty killer so they're not gassed to when you get through that wave of penalty kills? So it is,

Speaker 1 that's a deep-rooted question and we could spend hours on it. So who's the best coach though right now if you had to put your money down? Because

Speaker 1 I don't, you know, I never played hockey, so I don't really know.

Speaker 1 All I know from hockey and what the coaches

Speaker 1 like input is is you know the game plan going and you know the lines being paired.

Speaker 1 Like, I remember Quinvo would always, the Blackhawks would always start slow in series, and then they would always turn a corner, and it felt like it was partly his coaching where he would line pairings and everything, and they would finish series strong.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, they were down 2-1, I think, to the Lightning and the Stanley Cup, like, things like that. Yeah, so, I mean, I just mentioned it when I was answering in PFT's answer.

Speaker 1 It's like he, that's what makes him so successful is throughout all that chaos and maybe the pressure of, oh, no, we didn't start good.

Speaker 1 He's just seeing the situation and how it's playing out and he's making his adjustments and staying calm.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, maybe sometimes you see him get a little bit red and fired up and trying to, you know, poke certain guys.

Speaker 1 I'm sure if you asked for Steve, he'd have a couple funny answers for you as far as what, how Quinnville would try to get him going individually. But yeah, these guys,

Speaker 1 they're so experienced and they've seen it all. So

Speaker 1 even those slow starts, I don't think that he's hitting the panel. Who's the best?

Speaker 1 It also doesn't hurt when you're playing with the house's money and he already has as many championships as possible. As far as head coaches going into these playoffs,

Speaker 1 I really like Craig Barubay. I like that the way that he talks, he's very just direct and stern, especially when they had that run when they ended up winning it.

Speaker 1 They allow access into the locker room, so he'll just go in and beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Like, let's fuck it go.
You fuck it. Come on, you press here, press there.
Let's go. Wake the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Clap and you're out. Not like, not talking for 15 minutes.

Speaker 1 Everybody knows their assignments and what needs to be done that was established throughout the regular season he doesn't it could be very black and white it doesn't need to be fucking 15 minute ruh rah speech in and out of the locker room i like craig barubay uh brunette uh is it andrew brunette if you can google it i hope i'm not butchering his name he took over for quinville which was a very difficult situation at the beginning of the year with the florida panthers and they had all these expectations um and then the quinville situation happened with what had what had happened in chicago he was released and Andrew Brunett took over.

Speaker 1 And he may, in fact, end up winning coach of the year where he was pegged as an assistant, where he was able to galvanize the group. They didn't skip a beat after the firing.

Speaker 1 It didn't shake up the core at all. And they just kept on winning and doing exactly as planned.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You got it right. Andrew Burnett.
Andrew Brunette.

Speaker 2 With that series, the Capitals and the Panthers, I'm of the mindset it's probably going to be like five, six games. We're probably going to get whomped in this series because the Panthers are so good.

Speaker 2 And it feels like this is not a great caps team, especially like goaltending is a big question. We haven't figured out, we've had like two and a half years, haven't figured out what to do there.

Speaker 2 Give me just like some sliver of hope. Like, what's the percentage? Give me like 10%, 15%,

Speaker 2 20% chance that we can beat the Panthers.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, you got two goalies who are decent. They just haven't been able to sustain it.
Well, that's the thing.

Speaker 2 They're both decent, but they both suck when they get put in. So it's like, it's always, we got one guy in, oh, the other guy, he's playing really well in practice.
Let's toss him in.

Speaker 2 And then he sucks in the games.

Speaker 1 And one of them can catch lightning in a bottle and stand on his head. And it's a seven-game series.
So who knows? The stand on your head.

Speaker 1 I just, I think that the back end is a little weak from a, you know, giving up scoring chances standpoint.

Speaker 1 And then when you mix that in with the goaltending, it's sometimes it's, you know, you don't want to be having barn burners against the Florida Panthers because they live for those up and down track meet style games.

Speaker 1 I guess the only hope would just be that they bring their experience and they get a lot of heavy lifting from the guys up front like Backstrom, like Ovie. Tom Wilson's going to have to be a factor.

Speaker 1 I said if they got a swinging chance, Tom Wilson's going to have to fuck shit up in game one.

Speaker 1 He's going to have to run through the wall and really shake things up and maybe get them off their game and rattle them.

Speaker 2 I would kill for another playoff run. It's so fun when your team is on this magical run.
You get so amped up. You get so wrapped up in the environment.

Speaker 2 It's maybe the most fun playoff run that you can make in sports.

Speaker 1 So, your one opportunity here to win this series is the fact that Florida has to get over that mental hurdle, and all the expectations in the world are on them after the regular season.

Speaker 1 A lot of pressure. A lot of pressure.
A lot of pressure.

Speaker 1 What did you say?

Speaker 2 Did you ever get circumcised for the Leafs when you said like if they get bounced in the first round? I'm trying to remember.

Speaker 1 I played the fifth.

Speaker 1 I talked to my doctor, and he didn't advise that. He said that that could be a very dangerous and painful procedure this late in life.
Your doctor was your girlfriend? No.

Speaker 1 No, actually, Billy, Billy's my doctor. I actually did.

Speaker 2 I advised him no.

Speaker 1 They did not recommend you. Take a look at it.

Speaker 9 I don't think you'd give it the rest it needed.

Speaker 1 Got it. I'll get real.

Speaker 1 It would look like Lenny Kravitz's scarf if I tried it.

Speaker 2 I'll get uncircumcised if they win the cup this year. How about that?

Speaker 1 What I did was I pushed the bets back, and I got a couple going right now. So I'm big on the Calgary Flames.
Yes. And everybody who's listening, I don't know if you're aware of the Battle of Alberta.

Speaker 1 So Edmonton and Calgary have had this ongoing ravalry forever. And, you know, you get fucking Rick from Red Deer, who's rooting for Edmonton, and you get whoever from Calgary.

Speaker 1 And it's just like, it's a very heated battle. So there's a great chance, unless Edmonton fucks us up, that they will meet in the next round.
Which would be great for my bet.

Speaker 1 And if Calgary goes farther in playoffs than Edmonton, who's Witt's team, Witt has to get a left earring.

Speaker 1 And we already have like a little pink Whitney cross for him. He has to get his ears pieced and wear that around.
I didn't know what we said. I think we said a full month.

Speaker 1 And if Calgary ends up getting bounced and Edmonton goes farther, I have to shave the top of my head

Speaker 1 like basically like

Speaker 1 I'm going bald and I have to keep it for a week on national television. Wow.
Yeah, that's a tough one. It is a tough one.
That's high stakes. Calgary.

Speaker 1 At the time, I thought Edmonton was going to miss playoffs. And they just have went on this second half run.
Mike Smith caught fire.

Speaker 1 They fired their coach, and the new coach took over, and they just went on this absolute tear. They signed Evander Kane also, who was having some off-ice issues, but he seems to be loving it there.

Speaker 1 So they have really, really made a strong push, and the bet has turned into a coin toss. And Daryl Sutter is definitely on the list.
He's got two cups.

Speaker 1 For what? As a coach.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so he had the full... The full off-season.
He took over last year, and he was unable to fix what the problem was. He is a brilliant hockey mind who won a couple cups with the LA Kings.

Speaker 1 You know, that was one of the years they got the eighth seed and they marched all the way to the final and just dominated. Jonathan quick.
Jonathan Quick.

Speaker 1 But as far as Sutter's concerned, he had the whole offseason.

Speaker 1 He knew the chemistry of the team. He came in and he really molded the group.
I said in preseason, I said, I thought they were missing playoffs.

Speaker 1 And after watching him for the first two weeks of the season, I'm like, holy fuck, Sutter's got these guys tuned up and ready to play. And the one component is they're buying in.

Speaker 1 He's the type of coach that after a few years, he's got a shelf life because every day is the most

Speaker 1 intense day ever. You could be on a 10-game win streak, and he's more intense than he was at the beginning of the win streak.

Speaker 1 Nick Saban, yeah. He's yeah, he's like Nick Saban on

Speaker 1 juice. Albama

Speaker 1 players say that the worst practice in the season is always when they're playing the worst teams. Like, because Nick Saban, like, when you're playing like Auburn,

Speaker 1 he doesn't have to be an asshole, but when you're playing, like, Mercer or Jacksonville State, he goes crazy on that.

Speaker 1 Like, if you want to be on Sutter's bad side, you would have a kid born in the midst of the season.

Speaker 1 If you knock up your wife

Speaker 1 and she's going to give birth during the course of the season, you might as well just fucking ask for a trade.

Speaker 2 What happens if you're going to have a kid during the Stanley Cup playoffs?

Speaker 1 He takes it away and doesn't want

Speaker 1 the River Nile. He doesn't want any distractions.

Speaker 2 He drops it off at a firehouse.

Speaker 1 He drops it off at a local firehouse.

Speaker 1 We'll pick that, but you pick that back up after we win this cup. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 All right, I have one last question. Then we're going to do guys on chicks, so you got to stay for next week.
I love it. I love these little games you guys play.

Speaker 1 Have I done a pretty good job of breaking down the live yes? Can I get a fucking round of applause and shy energy guy? So we intentionally scheduled you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we intentionally scheduled you to come on the show early in the week so you wouldn't be burned out through your three live streams that you're going to be doing. And what, two podcasts?

Speaker 1 Sometimes you guys forget that I'm coming from out west, and right now, this is really 9 o'clock in in the morning. Biz tried to get credit yesterday.

Speaker 13 He was like, I took a red eye, and it was like the pro football football show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game.

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Speaker 1 Guys, I'm clean. Oh, yeah, yeah.
All day.

Speaker 1 Why are you wearing glasses all the time? Not a a drug guy.

Speaker 2 Because my baby blues are too petty.

Speaker 1 All right, last question. And then we'll do guys on chicks.
Roback question. We got some polos for you.
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Speaker 1 Give us the Stanley Cup final and you're win and your winner.

Speaker 1 I think this is a year where the favorites get to the top.

Speaker 1 I think it's going to be Colorado, and I think it's going to be Florida, and I think it will be the most electric Stanley Cup final of all time.

Speaker 1 If that does happen, because both of those teams are extremely fun to watch, and I think that that would really, really put the league in a great place after having such an amazing regular season.

Speaker 1 I'll reinforce this. I love the parody in the National Hockey League, and I think a lot of hockey fans do.
So, Florida versus Colorado, battle for the South. Battle of the South.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it will be incredible.

Speaker 1 Who gets to claim Southern franchise?

Speaker 1 That sucks, though. You picked the fucking favorites.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you just said you love the parody.

Speaker 1 You know what? I'm going to go back to the bottom. Well, because of that parody, Colorado got bounced last year.
All right, back then.

Speaker 1 They ended up getting bounced by Vegas, and then Vegas ended up getting bounced by Montreal, who was. That's how you say Montreal.
And Vegas. Munch.

Speaker 1 Or was it Montreal? Yeah, Montreal went to the Montreal final. My Cole Caulfield.
Yeah, and it was the worst final ever.

Speaker 1 So So I'm hoping this year the good teams actually get there and they put on a show. So, all right, so I'll let you have a backup.
Backup, like the Zaney pick.

Speaker 1 Let's go.

Speaker 1 Let's actually go. If I'm going crazy, crazy, let's say Rangers out of the east.
And let's say,

Speaker 1 it can't be Nashville. Let's go St.
Louis out of the West.

Speaker 1 So even in both of your picks, no Canadian teams get to the finals. Well, you said crazy.
Calgary for me is a top Western team.

Speaker 1 They're in between crazy and yeah, so his backup pick was not the second, most likely.

Speaker 2 It was just like, I'm going to get fucking weird with it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 St. Louis is another team where it was very iffy at the trade deadline.
They had a horrible back end, or not a horrible back end. Let me take that back.

Speaker 1 The back end was struggling a little bit, and they were missing a piece on the left side. Cam Jansen ended up coming on and say they need to make a move on the Spit and Chickles podcast.

Speaker 1 And then they did, and they got Letty,

Speaker 1 which not a huge name, but it just filled a hole. And ever since then, they've just been on this massive roll.

Speaker 1 Towards the end of the season, they were winning 80% of their games, if not more. And then they ended up one thing that does suck is the playoff structure in which

Speaker 1 the teams play in division. And unless you get, of course, the first seed and then you play the wild card.
But so now you've got Minnesota and St. Louis, who are

Speaker 1 I think second and third place in the conference, playing in the first round. It should be, they should seed them one through eight in the conferences.

Speaker 2 is that how they do it in the nba i agree yeah yeah it's it's easier to do it that way but every everyone listening to this you're gonna have a friend that asks you at one point after the first round is coming to a conclusion your buddy's gonna say i forget do they reseed in the stanley cup playoffs they don't recede they don't and and

Speaker 1 another one that you're gonna be familiar with is the fact that they wanted to create these indivision rivalries and make sure that they at least got one of like one of those big impactful series and going back to when both Pittsburgh and Washington were in their heyday they would always meet in the second round yeah where it would be so much cooler if they would have met in the conference finals right it just has a little bit more of that allure but I can understand why they do it and then and then to to contradict myself you may in fact get that battle of Alberta out west if both teams advance from the first round so in some ways it's good in other ways it's like well I don't want to see you know the second or third team knocked off in in the first round because of the way they seed everything so that's one thing that they might have to change.

Speaker 1 R.A. and Witt also mentioned doing one through 16, and you might even have Eastern teams traveling out west to start a playoff.
I don't like that.

Speaker 1 Which would be wild. I would be okay if they ended up switching

Speaker 1 the patterns up.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Well, where one year, maybe the champs, they get to decide. Maybe it's a case of...
I like the call out. I think that would be very cool.

Speaker 1 If you did a draft,

Speaker 1 if you had both sides, you know, don't switch. Don't do east and west.
Like, that's weird.

Speaker 1 I think you, I think I like, you know, two different sides, but if you had the top four seeds decide their or like one, two, and three gets to decide who they want to play.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, basically, well, and then four just plays.

Speaker 1 It would be the first seven teams selecting, starting with the first team. They would get to pick their opponent and then all the way through, and then bulletin board would select.

Speaker 1 Obviously, eight and nine would already know by the time the seventh pick went, but that would be an option. I don't mind the east versus west either, and then do the two, three, two type series.

Speaker 1 It would just create so much chaos and

Speaker 1 playoff matchups that we'd never seen before. But from a traveling standpoint and energy level standpoint, after playing 82-game season, maybe not the right way.

Speaker 1 But I definitely think they should go back one through eight, East and West, and then reseed after the. So I know we've rambled on enough about seeding.
We can move on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I had one last, last question about the actual playoff. So we touched on the penguins a little bit.
Let's talk championship window for them.

Speaker 2 Is this the end of their championship window or how much longer do you think they have to be as good as they want to be?

Speaker 1 I think this is the last dance.

Speaker 1 This is there. They got that trio.
They've already won three Stanley Cups together. I think the trio of La Tang, Malkin, and Sid,

Speaker 1 they might be the only three guys that have played as many games as they had for an organization with the same amount of accolades of winning the cops and all the hardware they have.

Speaker 1 I just don't know with the cap if they're going to be able to afford all three of them because Latang and Malkin are up for contracts.

Speaker 1 So that's another reason why I picked them as opposed to the New York Rangers.

Speaker 1 I just, I think that they're well aware of what this is and this will be the group's last time together and they're going to go on a nice little run. Okay.

Speaker 1 Business sticking around for guys on chicks. We're going to do a quick ad and then we're going to do guys on chicks.
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Speaker 1 Okay, guys on chicks with our good friend Biz.

Speaker 1 Doesn't like to be called Biz nasty.

Speaker 1 Not anymore?

Speaker 2 No, he grew up. What does Wayo call you?

Speaker 1 Shithead?

Speaker 1 Dum-dum?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't remember.
Abandonboy?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Chief pal? Does he call you pal?

Speaker 1 That's when you really don't know someone's name. I think he calls me Biz.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Biz.
Does he always wear the carding guy?

Speaker 1 He calls me Bizzo.

Speaker 2 Is he like strictly carding guy, even off the air?

Speaker 1 No, he wears a lot of Gucci.

Speaker 1 Did you ever ask him about Polina? I think we're going to change the subject.

Speaker 1 No, I don't. Well, this guy's on chicks.
No,

Speaker 1 I have respect for my coworkers. I do, too.
I don't

Speaker 1 jack off. I don't force my coworkers to send out tweets to other people

Speaker 1 pugging one off on a Zoom. Everyone in this room says, hey, how are your kids doing? You can't say that to Wayno? Hey, how are your kids doing? Well, I i mean his kid

Speaker 1 trevor and tie are usually around yeah i uh one was in the cubs organization yeah he was right yeah he was a good ball player he does a little bit of acting on the side now uh i actually knew them before i knew wayne oh really so wayne wayne was coaching the coyotes all the way up until the year before

Speaker 1 he was there the year before i got there and Because the market was down, he ended up keeping his mansion near Old Town.

Speaker 1 So his two kids and my other buddy, Joey Superstein, were living in this mansion, and they would be throwing ASU Ragers there every week.

Speaker 1 And so after home games, like we would go out to the club a little bit and then we would go over.

Speaker 1 It was fucking the best time of my life. Now, did you tell Wayne, like, hey, I've partied at your house a lot of times.

Speaker 1 I've joked about him.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He and Joey Superstein used to go over there and get dirty with it.

Speaker 1 Get our cornholes licked.

Speaker 1 No, but no, his kids are awesome. And

Speaker 1 the one kid, Ty, he runs the Wayne Gretzky Hockey School. So they travel around.
And, you know, Trev, he was a ball player, and then now he's been doing some acting on the side.

Speaker 1 He was actually in that reboot saw movie they did with Chris Rock. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 He was a police officer of that one. So we actually had him as our e-bug for the Chickletts Cup as well.
So the whole family, yeah, as far as his kids are concerned, they've been very good to me.

Speaker 1 And they were one of the reasons I ended up getting on TNT. Because when Wayne got hired, they go, dad, you got to get Biz on there with you.
He knows what he's doing.

Speaker 1 And like, well, first of all, no, I didn't. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They were wrong. So they lied to their old man for me, and that's how I got the TNT gig.
Did he get in for as e-bug?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. He played one half, and he was just gassed.
Really? Yeah, I think maybe he was hacking a few Nikes the week before.

Speaker 1 That e-bug for the Ducks was awesome. That last game of the season.
Very cool.

Speaker 1 For people to know, emergency backup goalie, it's just a random fucking dude who usually is like works on the rink or something and is not a professional player.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I feel like every sport should have this.

Speaker 1 So for

Speaker 1 football, it would be the kicker. Yeah, it could be kicker.

Speaker 2 It'd be even better if it was a quarterback.

Speaker 1 Putting like a running back.

Speaker 2 Imagine a guy just getting smoked.

Speaker 1 I would love to switch my answer to running back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd love to see a random dude out on a basketball court just like get blown by and like not even be able to dribble because it would get pickpocketed right away.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, I mean, that would be part of the criteria. He would have to be this guy who was like lighting up the YMCA.
Yeah, I mean, the low-level colleges. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Some guy who can commit to like driving there and, you know, texting his buddies, being like, I think tonight's my night that I actually get in. And then for baseball, what would it be? Would it be...

Speaker 2 The catcher would be very funny in baseball. Yeah,

Speaker 1 calling all the signs. He's getting drilled.

Speaker 2 Just getting changed too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I actually love it about hockey is, you know,

Speaker 1 they have this e-bug situation, and usually once a year, a guy, a regular Joe off the street gets to dress an NHL game. Although, this guy almost had a jammer.

Speaker 1 He had a panic attack before they threw him in. He was breathing all heavy, and it was great too.
His stats were, I think he had three shots against, and he saved two of them. So they're pretty good.

Speaker 1 Pretty good numbers. Yeah, he only got one goal.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 We have a video editor here who is. Who's an Ebo?

Speaker 5 Yeah, for like the Rangers or other or something.

Speaker 1 That's incredible.

Speaker 1 It was so funny, too, because he was wearing...

Speaker 1 He worked in, it was in Dallas, so he was wearing the Ducks. Jersey, but he had a Dallas face mask on.
Yeah. Because he

Speaker 1 lives around Dallas.

Speaker 1 It's just for the ring. It's not for each team.
Well, the most famous one is David Ayers. And you guys know that whole story of when he was an e-bug in Toronto.
And then Carolina needed one.

Speaker 1 And he went in, and then he stood on his head and ended up beating the Leafs. And he was the Leafs e-bug.
And, you know, Leafs have been the butt of a lot of jokes with

Speaker 1 their... Losing to an e-bug.
Yeah, and then they lost to an E-bug, so they were getting dragged through the mud. All right, guys on chicks.

Speaker 5 Hey, BizNasty. I'm a college junior about to go into my senior year.
I've been hooking up with this guy for basically the majority of the school year.

Speaker 1 It's been going really good.

Speaker 5 Somewhere along the way, I think that I low-key caught feelings from him, and I think that's a good thing because it feels like he probably did too.

Speaker 5 Neither of us have really talked about what to do next. He's graduating and got a job, yay.

Speaker 5 However, last weekend after we finished having sex, he accidentally called me Katie, which is his ex's last name. I haven't brought it up and not sure if I should or not.

Speaker 5 My question is, like, am I being, am I playing myself right now, or what the hell do I do?

Speaker 1 please help me i'm actually really conflicted and don't want to stop anything so yeah go lease by the way i i'm just curious as to the timeline like was it like after he nutted he was like ah

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 like what did how did it all go thanks katie i don't know i i also think as a rule after we finished having sex you get like you get one i think I think you get one where you can screw up a name like that.

Speaker 1 Because it is hard if you've been in a relationship and then you go to another relationship. like you get used to, you know, saying one name.
I get it once.

Speaker 1 And then if you ever do it again, then it's over. And I think if you're not official, it's hard when you bring that up and you're bitching at them.

Speaker 1 It just reminds them of, oh, this is exactly why I'm not in a relationship. I don't want anyone to be able to hold anything over my head.
So I think he gets the pass.

Speaker 5 One pass.

Speaker 1 I think he gets the pass and that's it.

Speaker 2 I think she's describing how the human emotion works actually perfectly. That's kind of what we're designed to do.

Speaker 2 She's like, so I've been having sex with this guy pretty consistently for the last six months. Now I'm starting to like him.
I think that's kind of like what you're engineered to do as a human.

Speaker 2 I think she's probably just, that's normal what she's going through. But just, if I were her, I would just let, just pretend it never happened.

Speaker 2 Just bury it way, way, way deep down inside unless it happens the second time.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 keep it inside and then box it up until the next time you have sex and then hit him back with it. Yeah, actually,

Speaker 1 oh, that was so great.

Speaker 1 And then maybe see how he reacts.

Speaker 1 And then if he, and then if he's the one being like, hey why are you calling me a different name and say oh i don't want to date a hypocrite see a punk ah there you go or or you could just hang on to it for a long time until you need something until there's a situation yeah no actually you're right you you can this is actually an ace card that that he's given you the see a punk though really would i would i would bury it deep down below start the relationship allow it to affect the relationship the entire time and then eventually i don't understand

Speaker 2 stab him with a fork like when he wants to go play golf instead of like going to your mother's birthday party, be like, hey, you remember that one time that you called me Katie in bed? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then, boom, he's going to mom's.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Remember that time you gave me the cream pie and then called me Katie? Yeah.
Yeah, you're coming to mom's. Pick up some flowers too while I get ready.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I signed you up for a foot rub, too.

Speaker 5 Can you elaborate on why Canadians prefer missionary while Americans gravitate towards doggy?

Speaker 1 Is that true? Yeah, I don't know. I always thought it was the other way around so you can both watch hockey.

Speaker 1 I like missionary just because I like kissing. I like doing the French kissing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Burying my smoocher? Burying my 4Z deep inside.

Speaker 2 You smoocher?

Speaker 1 Is this how the TNT show goes usually? No, we don't talk about it. Yeah, sometimes you throw in a few dick jokes.
I like to make out and kiss while I'm doing it.

Speaker 1 So I don't mind doggy. I just, you know, it's good.
I switch it around. You're a passionate man.

Speaker 1 Those are my two go-tos. Doggy.

Speaker 2 The eye contact.

Speaker 1 You're like

Speaker 1 Leo and Rose on the Titanic. You just like to stare at each other.
Yeah, I'm making out and staring into their eyes and making sure that everything's good. Everything good? Yeah.
Does it work?

Speaker 1 Are you happy? Can you feel anything down there? No? Okay. All right.
Let me use my finger.

Speaker 1 But yeah, no, I'm.

Speaker 1 But who gave you that poll?

Speaker 1 That might be a made-up thing. I mean,

Speaker 1 I'm going to stick with it.

Speaker 2 In America, it's been probably a decade since I haven't done a doggy style. inside these borders.

Speaker 1 I usually like the doggy style.

Speaker 2 If I get a passport, that means we're flipping over.

Speaker 1 I like the doggy style when you got your foot on their face, you know, where you kind of go around.

Speaker 1 It was a fucking joke, big cat. I don't put my feet on their face.
Hey, guys,

Speaker 1 summer beach question for you.

Speaker 1 When is it time to change? No, let's talk to Jake about what he likes better. Are you a, are you here? Let's pass the mic over.

Speaker 2 You went to college pretty close to Canada.

Speaker 1 Are you from that? Jake, are you an anal guy?

Speaker 1 I'm not.

Speaker 1 Have you ever licked a girl's asshole?

Speaker 1 Have you ever sucked the fart out of a girl's ass?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You've never licked a cornhole? No. No leather Cheerios?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I'm not a big anal guy either. You know, Jake's a Panthers fan.
You are? Yeah, that's my hometown team.

Speaker 8 I could have been better this season, but I'm going to be better these next few weeks.

Speaker 1 So good, I'm glad. I wish these guys came better better prepared.
What did you make of the Kodak Black incident in the box?

Speaker 1 He was grinding his cock. Yeah.
I think he's an anal guy. Oh, yeah.
Those types of things happen at bad teams games, but the Panthers. They're good.

Speaker 1 Well, it takes a while for them to, like, they're good, but you're not like, they're a good franchise. Right, good thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right.

Speaker 8 Like the Reds thing.

Speaker 1 We talked about earlier. Yeah, they have to have a few seasons in the consciousness to be like, that's a good franchise.

Speaker 1 Jake,

Speaker 1 what if you met the girl of your dreams and she wanted to do a stand-up 69, but she was holding you and you were off the ground. Would you be cool with that?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yes, yes.
I'll answer for Jake. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 Good question, though, Biz. Was Kodak Black actually having sex with that girl?

Speaker 1 I never did. I think he was getting an over-the-pant rub where.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 1 a brand.

Speaker 1 He's got a super gremlin. So, yeah, so when you're in the American Hockey League, you're not making that showdoe.
And we used to sometimes go to the strip clubs.

Speaker 1 I would not do this, this but i would have teammates who would they would go to the bathroom at the strip club they would take their underwear off put their dress pants back on and then they would get lap dances because when you're getting that rub they would be able to come just from doing lap dances so they would they wouldn't that is out with that's the funniest old hockey trick you've ever heard and then they would go back and come pants though they would have come in there but they would go back and they would put their boxers on and then they would they they you know they wouldn't be feeling the the wetness of the cum on their dress pants yeah but then these guys were savage old hockey trick total savages.

Speaker 1 One of which ended up, well, I guess we won't go there because we had to take it off the podcast because he got in a little bit of trouble. Hey, Biz.

Speaker 5 My boyfriend is a hockey guy. He always references to sex as getting in the crease, and it's really annoying.
What are some things I could try to get him to stop?

Speaker 1 I've never heard that term, and I don't know. Tell him to stop saying it.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do? What about tape to tape? Just tell him it's just going tape to tape.

Speaker 1 Oh, we got to give him a new hockey tape. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We got to give him something new. Off the penalty box.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The sin bin. Oh, there you go.
You don't want to get in the sin bin. I like that.

Speaker 1 I don't really have anything for you guys off this one. I think I gave you guys enough ammo with asking Jake if you want to replace it.
Yeah, no, that one

Speaker 1 will keep me going for a while. Maybe we can take that one.
What do you think, Jake? What should be the new term for sex in relation to hockey? It's time to go no, you know,

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 Craig McTavish. We're going no helmet tonight.
Top cheddar. Oh, I like that.
Craig McTavish.

Speaker 8 Scoring zone?

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The red line.
Power play. Yeah.
That time of the month, we're going to hit the red line. Yeah.
Red line and dump it in. There you go.
Yeah, we'll play devils.

Speaker 1 We're going to play Trap. Looks like it's

Speaker 1 early 2000s. That's it.
I want you to stand on your head. That last one can

Speaker 1 burn in hell, that question.

Speaker 1 Biz, thank you. We're going to have to have you back on later on in the playoffs, just so you know.

Speaker 1 So how about this? How about we do it so if either the Calgary Calgary Flames or the Toronto Maple Leafs make it to the conference finals, I come on to tee up the conference finals. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would love that. I mean,

Speaker 1 you could tee up the conference finals regardless because we love you when you come on and everyone loves you when you're on. And at that time, I'm sure our bet,

Speaker 1 my bet with Wit would have played through. Yeah, I think you'd look good bald.

Speaker 2 You'd have to grow the mustache out a little bit, I think.

Speaker 1 I've already done the Peter Mann's biz, as I call it. I did it for a commercial I did for McDonald's.
So I'll show you what I look like with the crown shaved.

Speaker 1 But that'll have to happen for seven days on national television if the Calgary Flames don't figure their shit out in playoffs here. So let's go, Flame.
Let's go, Flame. Let's go, Leaf.

Speaker 1 Let's win Big Cat's Betty. I'm with you.
Bring the cup home back to Canada. Bring it home.
And then we'll see a part of it. I'm going to be in the parade.
You said I would actually be part of

Speaker 1 Canada Day. July 1st.
We're going to make all of our merchandise for the Canadian team winning the Stanley Cup from all the lint that is in Big Cat's belly

Speaker 1 collected all the way from the start of playoffs till the ending. So what do you think? 500 shirts? More.

Speaker 1 More.

Speaker 1 PMT, you got it? More. Or PFM.
More.

Speaker 2 I actually saw a commercial for that Shorzy hockey TV show a couple weeks ago.

Speaker 1 R.A. R.A.'s in it, right? Yeah, really.

Speaker 2 Is he actually a part of the cast?

Speaker 1 He's in the opening scene of the entire thing. Rear Admiral has,

Speaker 1 he's been a beast lately. He's been very busy with doing the outlines of the show, getting great interviews.

Speaker 1 But on top of that, he took some of his time and went up north to Sudbury to film a show that is a spin-off of,

Speaker 1 it's called Shorzy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's Letterkinny. It's the guy from Letterkinney playing his own TV show.

Speaker 1 Playing in his own. So it's a great spin-off, and I'm really happy that they got R.A.
involved.

Speaker 1 Kiso is the guy who created the show, and I believe it starts streaming in Canada May 27th, and it's coming to Crave TV. That sounds right.

Speaker 2 It looks awesome. You can find it somewhere, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 R.A.

Speaker 2 is in that. He's in the town.

Speaker 1 Yep. It's an all-around actor.
And on top of that, we just got John Hamm for the second time on today's spit and chick-list that just dropped. So they were co-workers.
It's all coming up from RA.

Speaker 1 Next thing you know, he's going to be an A-lister and he's going to forget all about us. And him and John Hamm will be rubbing elbows with Tom

Speaker 1 in Top Gun 10. All right, numbers.
Pick a number. Eight.
This doesn't have any tweet attached to it. I'm going to go with my old Coyote's number, number 12.
6-3, 22, 7-3.

Speaker 1 Hank's never gotten this right.

Speaker 1 25. Hank's never gotten this right, please.

Speaker 1 Four.

Speaker 2 What'd you get, Hank? Four, eight.

Speaker 1 Ah, it's tough. Four.
All right, thank you, Biz. We love you.
Love you guys, too.

Speaker 9 Bears don't actually fall asleep for all of winter in hibernation.

Speaker 2 Love you guys. They don't?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 they slow down, but they're not asleep the whole time.

Speaker 9 People just think they black out.

Speaker 1 No, they're just taking a long nap. You wake up, throw on some Netflix, go back.

Speaker 1 I don't know what else to say, I'd say anyway.

Speaker 1 Today's another

Speaker 1 day to fight you. Shy it away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've been coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 Shy it away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've been coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 in a day I'll change

Speaker 1 Needless to say

Speaker 1 I've all said it

Speaker 1 But be so a little way

Speaker 1 Telling them life is okay

Speaker 1 Say after me

Speaker 1 Well, it's no better to be safe than sorry.

Speaker 1 Say unto me

Speaker 1 Well, it's no better to be safe than sorry. Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 a day

Speaker 1 All the things that you say,

Speaker 1 little I thought was just to play my worries away.

Speaker 1 You're all things I've got to remember. Be shy and away.

Speaker 1 Well, I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on.

Speaker 1 I'll be be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 in earthly.

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 in a

Speaker 1 day.

Speaker 1 Jake a league

Speaker 1 Jake,

Speaker 1 take, take, take, take.