Judd Apatow, Final Four And Fyre Fest Of The Week

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We'll talk a little of that. We have Bruce Arians stepping down as head coach, totally on his own volition.
We have, let's see, Schefter re-signed. We'll catch up on all the news.
We have Fyre Fest, and we also have a great interview in studio with Judd Apatow. Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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Use the hashtag PMT in any transaction during basketball season. They send some of you a free 500 they're sending out a hundred thousand dollars in free money to awls today is friday april 1st i want coach k to win haha april good one yep got it one there we go be very woke online today yes the brands were silent over the past couple years i feel like this is the year that they make a comeback where you remember the the original one i remember everybody being fooled about was actually kind of pre-internet where taco bell said that they purchased the liberty bell yes you remember that one yes yes she actually i am uh i can now say it because it's airing on april 1st the the greatest thing that's ever been said to me in the history of the world was when frank the tank came up to me on monday and he goes so big cat i'm working on my april fools joke and i was like go on tell me everything i will not i will not tell anyone because i don't want to ruin it but april fools be woke um we are in the studio right now we are departing for new orleans right after we record this world war three unc duke kansas nova kansas nova is such it's so it's so sad how much of an undercard it is but unc duke this podcast might change forever the vibes hank how are you feeling we by the way we will be recording time capsules over the weekend to make sure that we have maybe even Saturday night drunk.
If something crazy happens, we'll maybe record something. This is a major futurist thing because we are going to be out in New Orleans for most of the day, and then we're going to go to the game where they will be serving booze, and then we're probably not going to want.
For the people. It would be funny for the people.
Let's think about it. I'm thinking right now, I'm thinking 70%.
We're going to do a time capsule. Something tells me that it's entirely dependent on the outcome of the Duke Carolina game.
I would say that's fair. That would be fair to say.
That's a good bet. My own propriety algorithm has the chances of UNC winning at 70%.
Wow. Wow.
So, Hank, how are you feeling going into it? I feel good. I basically base my feelings just on how worried you are and, you know, day by day, it's kind of not, you know, not to call you a crazy person, but it's like, you know, I'll come in and before I go up to the suit suite, I'll come over and see Big Cat and he basically just starts he's already talking to himself just going through his list and like his ever-growing document of Coach K.
Like today, I walked up and he's like steven f austin and i was like it's 10 o'clock in the morning like what who cares that was a crazy crazy loss because it was at home and they were like not even close to being ranked and the way that they lost at the last very second of the game on that layup but the memorable part was three days later when coach k said that he was dealing with an illness during the loss,

and that's why he wasn't feeling himself.

So really it doesn't count.

Verbal meme, you're the guy at the coffee table sitting there with the sign that just says, please come talk to me about anti-Duke rhetoric, and I will engage with you. Okay, well, good.
I'm happy you brought this up, Hank, because I live rent-free in your head. I have put together a document that our very talented colleague Quiggs is working on right now to fix up where it will be a piece of paper, double-sided, that people can print out.
It will be the size that you can put into your wallet that just has a list of everything that pisses me off about Coach K. So when you see a Duke fan this weekend, whether you're in New Orleans or in just regular life, you will have the information to fight back.
Do you have the fact that he works at a private school so there's no FOIA requests possible? Oh, well, I have a whole part that just Coach K cheats. Please note that everyone cheats.
We don't care that people cheat in college basketball. We just care the fact that no one calls out coach k for cheating do you have anything about his military service record i don't yeah that part is blank i do have a fun fact that i i i threw out there to

some of the duke fans um since the pros started playing in the olympics uh how many coaches

coached coached head coached multiple olympic teams Pop did it. Yep.
Larry Brown, did he do it? He coached, but I'm saying multiple teams. How'd Larry Brown do? Multiple teams.
I think if Larry Brown won as many gold medals as Coach K won, they would have never needed Coach K. Multiple teams, PFT.
Excuse me. The question was multiple teams.
Phil Jackson? Nope. So the answer is just Coach K.
Oh, interesting. So it's kind of an unspoken rule that a coach coaches the USA team, then lets someone else have a crack at it.
Coach K coached it three times. Every other coach since pros started playing in the Olympics, one time.
That is interesting. And here's a weird thing.
I don't know if this is related at all, but Coach K's recruiting classes, when started averaged around 17th in the country. By the end of his three Olympic tour that is just completely ridiculous, he was averaging the two and a half best class in the country.
Maybe being able to call LeBron James on FaceTime or Kobe Bryant probably helped a little bit. Well, LeBron is basically a Duke alum.
Yeah, that's true. But I don't know.
These are all these facts that I've armed you with, so make sure you take a look at that and print that out and make sure you walk around with that. I just think that it would be the best possible ending to his career if he were to lose against UNC.
If he loses in the championship, that's not as good to me. I don't want him to lose.
If he makes it to the championship, you might as well just hand it to him because they're not going to let Coach K lose in the championship game. No.
The perfect ending would be if he were to lose against his arch rival UNC. You'd have to say his career would be a disappointment if it ended.
Legacy tarnished. And we all know Coach K doesn't care about money.
He cares about the kids and championships. Because in 2004, he was offered the Lakers job job and he said the allure of coaching in college has no price and then he went on to get paid double what Roy Williams got paid every single year for 17 years that is interesting that's just interesting that's just an interesting fact to write down yeah that's also in the the sheet so be on the lookout for the sheet I'm very excited I think they're gonna smoke unc and then i'm why are you so confident about it i'm actually very nervous i i'll be honest with you i do think that duke is going to win the national title i've i've kind of mentally prepared that in the back of my head um and so much so that like i have a future on nova and i'm rooting against myself because i think kansas has a better chance of beating duke than nova shorthanded I think it's nice that Coach K elected to step away from the game and hand down his coaching ranks to one of his guys to let them take over so that way they didn't have to fire him and then go about finding a new coach doing the whole search.
All of his assistants would have gotten fired. I think it's just very classy.
This obviously will be a tough look for me but you know we been to many of these events, Big Cat, you and I, and we've had stakes like this before, and I know how it goes. We know how it goes.
We've done it before. We'll do it again, and I'm just excited to relive that with you on Saturday night.
There should be some sort of wager involved. I have so much emotionally involved at this point that I don't even have to bet the game.

I'm rooting that hard.

So Hank has to get a cat?

Yeah.

Okay.

Win or lose.

That's what I was thinking, yeah.

Win or lose, Hank has to get a cat.

Hank's coming home from New Orleans.

If you see Hank out and about in New Orleans, it's kind of like the rule, the old part of

my take rule.

If you see Billy in public, slap him.

If you see Hank out in New Orleans and you approach him with a cat, he has to take it. It's like getting ice.
He has to accept it. Bring all the cats.
Take a knee and then just rub your face on the cat. Yeah.
Bring Hank a cat in New Orleans. I mean, it's going to be great because we haven't been to a Final Four game, obviously, in a while.
Live sports rule but we haven't been back to new orleans

since uh the lsu national champion basically the start of covet that was the last non-covet event we went to that was the last fun weekend in the united states yeah it was that weekend yeah and i'm so excited actually i made a quick checklist of things that i want to do right before the show started because new orleans is my favorite city in the entire country oh wow maybe the world okay I want to eat something so spicy that I cry.

I like that.

I want to purchase and lose a souvenir giant alcohol container of some type yep i want to get slapped in a bar yep and bonk what that's not a bonk i just want to get it boy or girl yeah girl, obviously. Update it.
And I want to make a friend named Cody.

Okay.

I feel like there's a lot of Codys running around New Orleans.

I know a couple.

I've actually met on two separate occasions in New Orleans good friends named Cody.

Oh, wow.

Cody's always a fun hang.

Yeah.

Dude perfect.

Isn't there a Cody?

I think there are two.

There might be.

That's why they're perfect.

Yeah, it's going to be a great, great time.

Hogs for Cause will be out there.

Hogs for Cause is going to be incredible.

Be at our walk-ons on Friday and Monday.

On Friday and Monday.

Come out, say what's up.

Yep.

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Visit AHS.com slash listen for 20% off any plan. See ahs.com slash contracts for coverage details limitations and exclusions so wait what was i going to say oh we're going to be at walk-ons uh what else for new orleans are you i don't think you're nervous enough you're confident i am confident he's cocky i am.
So this is – all right, so when Hank was telling us –

It's like a scale, and Big Cat's fear is picking my confidence up.

So what I've noticed in this dynamic is last week when it was the Texas Tech-Duke game,

the game of the year, Hank was walking around telling us how nervous we were,

and that's how I can tell when Hank's nervous.

Big Cat telling Hank that Hank isn't nervous enough is a sign to me that big cat oh I'm very nervous I am so nervous it's I what what's at stake here and obviously it's not like I hate coach K and you love Duke but like I'm talking about for other fans I'm nervous I'm actually nervous for UNC fans and Duke fans alike even though I don't I hope Duke fans suffer. But this type of game where the stakes could not be higher, I was trying to think about it.
What would be a similar situation in college sports? Because they end each other's season now. They never get to end each other's season.
It would be Ohio State, Michigan in the semifinals. Yeah.
I also think a comparable one that you were involved on the right side on is like a perfect season like the fact that you guys you know the kentucky perfect season oh yeah that is the stakes were that high yeah like higher than just a regular game like they were super super high because it's like a perfect season is hanging in the balance yeah so perfect season definitely has it but like i know that the the joke that we keep making is like oh they've never played have you heard that stat but it is kind of crazy that they've never been in a situation where they could they someone's season ends someone's season is completely over because like even when you look back which it's crazy to look back at that game coach K's funeral at Cameron um I would say that neither of these teams would be here in the final four if that game didn't happen like unc gained a lot of confidence and duke figured out like holy shit we can't just you know show up and they got people they got the chip on their shoulder right game now if unc wins what are the chances that coach k delivers a speech after the game like saying but i want that he's i absolutely would i don't think i think he just leaves the arena doesn't even talk to his own players he's probably if he leaves he's probably going to invite himself into the unc locker room and and try to give a speech like he did uh when he lost a 14 seed mercer and he went and tried to coach the other team and it just happened that all the cameras were there and caught that on camera and who's the kid that he said you're you're too good to be celebrating like that at the end of the game? Well, which time? It was Dylan Brooks and there was also Virginia Tech in 2007 when he did that as well to Zabian Dowdle. So he went up to him.
And he also lied about that one when they asked him afterwards. He's like, no, I just said I congratulated him.
And both players were like, no, no, no, he scolded us. Yeah.
It turns out Zabian Dattle was not too good to be showboating. I think that's actually a perfect use of Zabian Dattle's time.
Yeah. It turns out a college kid who has like the best night of their life is going to be happy about it.
Zabian Dattle beat Duke. That's his career highlight.
He was well within his rights to show off. Do you know what weird one that I found today that I kind of respect in a, like, fucked up way? How do you – where do you look for these? Can I ask that? I just, like – I have a sheet that I went off and I added to it today.
But, like, do you just go on Google and just, like – Oh, message boards. Search for game logs.
You go on – if you search for, like, quotation mark D-O-O-K in quotation mark, then you get to the good message boards of all the other ACC teams. And they have their own lists.
In, I think it was 20, I can't remember when it was, what year it was, maybe 2020 or May 2019, Coach K said that the fans should have given them a standing ovation after they beat Florida State and they don't know how to cheer correctly. And then he showed old clips of Cameron Crazies to the fans, scolding them, being like, this is how you do it, which I respect that kind of fucking senile craziness, which he's not senile because he's been doing this his whole career.
I love that. I love that.
Yeah. Good for Coach.
In a weird way, the sport will not be as enjoyable without Coach K. I absolutely admit absolutely admit two things one he is the best college coach of all time i will admit that two uh i will miss him because i hate him so much and that's what's the beauty of sports is hating things is just as fun as rooting for things and uh yeah it'll be fun jake how are we feeling you're credentialed i am very I am very excited.
I got my suits packed. Suits, plural.
Yeah, it's Saturday and Monday. Can you ask Coach K about Pete Gaudette? What's up? Are your suits packed? My suits? Why would I be packing a suit? We're going on a work trip.
I don't need a suit. I thought that was your thing.
I'll do a nice dinner. Maybe I'll pack a suit.
Yeah, you should. You know what? Fuck it.
I'm going to pack a suit. Let's go.
There we go. Ask him about Pete Gaudette.
We can work out a question. That's like in the middle of something you would ask and something I would ask, but not something that I would get weird looks at at the press conference.
Okay, then here. How about this? Do this instead.
Ask when Pete Gaudette took over for Duke because Coach K had such bad, debilitating back injury that he couldn't walk. Why then did Vince Carter go on a recruiting trip to Coach K's house and said afterwards he was up and about and he didn't seem like a guy who had a bad back problem? That's interesting.
I would want to hear the answer to that question. I have so many facts.
As a sports, it's a little too far for me, but I'll keep thinking.

Aren't you happy, Hank, that I have found a passion?

I don't know.

I'm worried about your health.

I am too.

No, this is fine because it's all building up for one moment,

and then we're either going to get the ultimate crash.

There's passion, then there's obsession.

Yeah, well, that's fine.

Listen, when Big Cat says someone's living rent-free in your house, that's fine. It's fine.
Having somebody live rent-free in my head, if they're a famous person, is totally normal because it brings up the property value of the rest of my brain to have somebody like that on my block. Yeah, sure.
Yeah, LeBron can live rent-free in my brain. That's totally fine.
I've been been roommates with coach k for the whole month we've just been hanging out in my brain together it's fine i'm fine with that there was one person who tweeted me that made me a little more nervous when he's like all this legacy talk with coach k why aren't we talking about your legacy if coach k wins the championship and i was like oh shit yeah it does tarnish your legacy my legacy's ruined although at the same time it's good to have like something that you can always bring up in perpetuity against big cat if you're ever mad at him about something to be like don't do this he's the guy that that got owned by coach k don't do this multiple times to a permanent extent many times yeah but but you're uh you're feeling good this is your first final four you're ever covering yeah i as with a credential i I love it. I'm so excited.
Where do you think you'll be sitting on Saturday night? Way up top? Nosebleeds? Anything but the roof. I mean, even if I'm in the building, that's all I care about.
Yeah. What if you're not? What if they're like, hey, we got a seat for you.
It's actually in this truck, and you're going to just watch it? That would be interesting. As long as you get the lanyard.
You should do a Diet Coke review. You have to walk out with the cups.
It's only the NCAA cups. Oh.
There's a sign in the tunnel. All right.
Everyone should be following Jake this weekend, documenting everything because you've got to document it all. It's going to be great.
But I can go on the court pre and post game that'll wow wow would be a shame if you trip someone someone who's like 75 ish what are the rules about leaving banana peels in front of the coach's box i would like to bring a laser like they did to soccer players that was crazy yeah those lasers were nuts yeah yeah that was um who was it in the nfl was it i want to say the raiders and i want to say it was connor cook that got lasered in one game that was that the game in mexico i think so yeah yeah it's very funny to see someone getting laser it's it's always a shock to me that it doesn't happen more often in the united states yeah yeah either way i'll way, I'll be at Coach K's last ever press conference. Depends if it's Monday night after a win or a loss Saturday or Monday.
I don't think he's going to do a press conference if he loses. I really don't.
No, he will. I think he's going directly to his car and leaving.
Last post-game press conference, I should say, because I guarantee he's going back to Durham for an official farewell. Yeah, that's where around the friendly media, it's either people that have been sucking his dick for 30 years or new student journalists that he's too mean to, so they're afraid to ask him anything.
I like this PFT. Let's go.
Let's get that hate off. No, everything you said is true.
I liked Duke in the 90s, and then Coach K turned into a real weirdo after that. And I was like, you know what? I'm out.
I'm out. I really don't dislike Duke.
I don't dislike Coach K. There's one person in this building is the reason why I want them to lose this year.
And it's not Hank. It's Marty Mush.
And I've been open about that. It's not like a secret hatred.
See, this is good to get the hate out. It's hate week.
It's good to have hate. Coach K attracts people like Marty Mush.
That's the biggest indictment that you can make on it. Look at who Coach K's acolytes are.
The real riders of Coach K. Just scum.
The hate week is great. Billy, what do you hate? Give us something you hate.
Because I've noticed all week, I've been Twitter and like, just had, I've been at like a fever pitch all week. Someone pointed out to me.
I was like, you know what? It is because I'm, I'm on high alert. It's not a normal week.
This is world war three in college basketball. Billy Mark Zuckerberg.
Yeah. Let's go.
Jeff Bezos. Yeah.
There you go. Eat the rich Billy.
Yes. Billy.
Libby football over there. Fucking love it, dude.
Put a rose next to your name on Twitter. All right.
What else we got to talk about? Bruce Arians. That was very expected.
So much so that I think we talked about it many times. So there are a lot of people out there that are mostly Bucs fans that are just reading the press releases and regurgitating what they're hearing, which is, oh, this was just a personal decision by Coach Arians to step away so he could get his guy Todd Bowles installed and they wouldn't have to do a coaching search and fire all the assistant coaches.
Now, I think what really happened here is people with brains will agree that there was some sort of deal made between Tom Brady and the Glazer family when he went overseas to the soccer game,

and he told them that he was going to come back,

and then on the condition that Bruce Arians is no longer.

Because Bruce Arians is a, I like Bruce Arians.

I think he's an awesome football guy, and he's a hilarious individual.

Yeah.

But I also think that Tom Brady, after two years of dealing with Bruce Arians, basically calling him out and blaming him for losses, and Tom Brady being like, wait, I'm Tom Brady, that is going to get old pretty quickly. Two things can be true at the same time.
Bruce Arians is a great guy. Bruce Arians has done a lot for minority hires, for female hires.
He's very much from everything you read about Bruce Arians. The one time we interviewed him, he cares deeply about his staff.
He cares about setting everyone up and like the success of the people that work underneath him, unlike maybe a Coach K with Tommy Amaker kind of thing. But Bruce Arians, like that can be true.
And it can also be true that Tom Brady was like, yeah, I'm coming back. But Bruce Arians can't be my coach anymore are saying like it's a coincidence the report that uh I forget the guy's name it's NFL Stroud yeah he's a Bucs beat writer he's probably the most plugged in guy right with the Bucs and he was saying that either the day that Tom Brady decided he was coming back or the day after was when Bruce Arians all of a sudden decided that he was also not going to be coming back next year.
And it's like, wait, do that's, that's a pretty big coincidence that the only thing that I could think of Hank, and you'll appreciate this, that would be close to that is if maybe like somebody decided, they started dating a supermodel like right after, like the day after they broke up with their pregnant girlfriend, that would be kind of a similar coincidence. For a second there, I was like this j-lo or and aflac but i think he's talking about brady yeah allegedly hypothetically like the day after it's weird that he met giselle like the second after you would assume that you would assume if that what you what you put forward that you know the person who got uh dumped would hate tom brady and would never say anything positive about him or support him right no well it's funny you bring that up because in this situation tom brady showed up to bruce arian's retirement press conference sat in the front row big smile on his face put out a great statement talking about how wonderful of a person he is bruce arian's had nothing but nice things to say about tom brady himself too so i think seems like you're a conspiracy a conspiracy theorist.
Do you think the slap was fake, too? No, I think the slap was very real. Oh, interesting.
I'm just happy that this is happening, because when PFT started that joke, I was like, holy fuck, is he coming at A-Rod? And then when I realized, I put my sword down, and I was like, oof, I can sit this one out. You guys just go for it.
Now, to be fair, I haven't brought that up in probably like four years. I used to bring it up a lot more often.
Yeah. And then, yeah, like Bridget's just been nothing but supportive of him in the past five years, so it's kind of a tough set.
No, it's just interesting, that's all. But I think anybody out there that's making the argument that this is a coincidence is just delusional.
Did you see that there's also – I read somewhere that, like, Bruce Arians and the Bucs had had to clear up one formality at the owners meeting and that's why it was announced today as like wait what no it's I think it's probably because you wanted to put two or three weeks in between Tom Brady coming back and Bruce Arians retiring I mean like I said we all saw this coming we talked about it I don't think like Bruce Arians I Bruce Arians, I don't know what the criteria for Hall of Fame coach is, but he's an all-time coach. And, yeah, I also think that Tom Brady was sick of dealing with him.
And the Antonio Brown thing definitely plays into it because it's very clear this has happened twice now where Tom Brady has vouched for Antonio Brown, wants Antonio Brown on the team because guess what? Tom Brady's a psycho competitor in the best possible way, and he wants basically as much help to win a Super Bowl, and Antonio Brown would have helped them win a Super Bowl. So when that falls out, it's probably like, well, fuck you, dude.
Why couldn't you just figure it out with Antonio Brown? He's a really good receiver. And I also fully believe that we're never going to hear from Bruce Arians or Tom Brady or the Bucs anything to the contrary of what they've already said, which is like, this is the story that we're going to stick to.
But I also think that, you know, you can add one and one together and see exactly what's happening. Yes.
Also Todd Bowles coming back. Todd Bowles, my top 10 NFL head coach.
He might be right away with his team. Sometimes you just say things out loud if you have a take, and then you look dumb for a couple years after the fact.
But then if you wait long enough, guess what? That takes coming back around. If he wins a Super Bowl in his first year with Tom.
I don't think any head coach has won a Super Bowl in their first year with Tom Brady ever. Wait.
Was that the first year? That was. Was it That was the first year.
That was the first year. That was definitely the first year.
Todd Bowles was Todd Bowles. Also one, Todd Bowles would become most recently as could be.
Todd Bowles would be the first coach in NFL history to win two Super Bowls in their first two years of Tom Brady. Yeah.
Yes. I mean, Todd Bowles is one of those guys.
Like he, it will be, it will be fun to see how he does this year because it's it's it's one of those experiments that we get ever so often where it's like was it the jets or was it todd bowles like when we got sam donald going to the panthers it was like was it the jets or sam donald turns out both yeah and they're gonna keep byron left which around yeah and so he was the guy that was calling the plays last year yes so i So I think the Bucs are just going to be back to being good.

They're going to be really good.

They're going to – in the NFC, like, they now –

the craziest part about it is Matt Rule is the longest tenured coach

in the NFC South.

That is crazy.

Right.

So, I mean, it's – and you look at the flaws of the other teams,

and then you have Tom Brady and the continuity.

It's like, all right, Bucs will be in the playoffs.

I'm going to miss seeing Bruce Arians on the sideline with his face turning progressively redder as the season goes on. I'm going to miss the strap that he had across his stomach.
It's also fun just to say BA. BA, yeah.
BA was cool. He had awesome hats, good transition lenses.
Yeah. He's going to be in the front office now, which I think they're just, I think what the Bucs ended up saying was, all right, Bruce, you can still come to games and it will be an open bar for you.

Right, right.

You can be in the suite with the Glazers and you're good.

Yep.

Yeah, yeah.

And if you want, your parking spot stays there.

If you want to come hit the hot tub whenever, you're good to go.

Shafter got paid.

That's the other news.

He got paid.

He's staying at ESPN.

Congratulations, Shafter.

We lost in the bidding war.

He's done a tremendous job increasing his own value over the course of the last couple years so yeah it would have been weird if shefter went to like a gambling company yes and everybody would just completely 100% doubt every report that he put out they'd be so mad all the time myself included yeah and it would be weird for the most powerful information broker in the nfl to also be working for a company that sets lines i'm you know what this is a benefit if you're a gambler because if you work for a company like mgm then they would adjust the lines before you were able to get a good hit on it so we all actually won yes chapter's negotiation yes by the way pft uh quick just text me look how beautiful this is. That's very handy.
So it's about the size of a debit card? Yep, and it's double-sided, and I'm going to tweet it out so everyone can walk around with their Coach K factoids. I like that.
Yeah, yeah, just doing something for the people. Anything else before we get to Judd Apatow? Leroy reported that Tiger Woods is coming back to play in the Masters.

Ah.

He had a hot scoop, hot source.

He said that he's like 85% sure on it.

Okay.

So that's more.

That's 15% from an hour ago.

That's way, way more sure than he usually is on this type of information.

So he is a ghost dog, but he's also a good dog.

Okay.

So we're rooting for him to be right on this one. All right.
I mean, it's going to be great if Tiger Woods is playing in the Masters. How do you bo is a ghost dog but he's also a good dog so we're we're rooting for him to be right on this one all right i mean it's gonna be great if tiger woods is playing the masters how do you boop a ghost i don't know i think you just i'll buy a ouija board yeah there's right boop on it should we bet can you ask leroy if we should bet on on tiger woods yeah i will okay i'll check in with him i think you kind of have to right? Like, even though the odds are probably, like, it's probably bad odds because everyone bets on Tiger Woods, but imagine if you won.
I think that the PGA Tour, golf in particular, is probably the toughest sport to say, like, hashtag PGA rigged. Yeah.
Because there's a lot that the actual golfers have to do. There's no referees.
And we have Max Homa on next Wednesday. So we'll transition quickly from New Orleans to the Masters.
Great interview with him. We already taped it.
He's going to make the cut. He's going to make the cut.
All right. So let's get to our interview with Judd Apatow.
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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com okay we now welcome on recurring guest uh judd apatow in person last time you're on it was via zoom you have uh all your work from the pandemic out this week it's basically everything is out yeah so uh 329 sick the head. His new book is coming out.
And a bunch of new interviews with comedians. And I was reading about it.
And, you know, in-depth interviews with some people that everyone knows. Great conversations.
And then your new Netflix movie, The Bubble, coming out on April 1st. Yes.
So, everything is out right now. And there there's more in May on HBO is a two-part George Carlin documentary.
Okay. So you, we could say Judd Apatow's in the news this week.
Workaholic. Well, I like to get it all done at once because if I spread them, I got to go do all the press again.
Right. Exactly.
Just stack it all up. Exactly.
It's Judd Week this week. So what's the one, if you were to tell people what's the correct order to consume everything that you're putting out? Is there a beginning, middle, end? Interesting.
I mean, I think it's a pretty good order because you'd start with the book, you'd learn about the people who make comedy, their problems, their emotions, their process. Then you'd see the bubble.
We'd all commiserate about what a nightmare a lot of the lockdowns were, how crazy we all went. And then you'd land at the George Carlin documentary as he dissects what is wrong with society.
And George Carlin is a great person to have a documentary about because every time something happens in the world, George Carlin has a stand-up bit that's like oh he predicted this or he's exactly correct about sometimes in like 1971 yeah like like and and it is really weird but a man who's been dead for about uh coming on like 14 15 years when things happen in the news he trends worldwide because of just a video right where he was the commentator on it and he either predicted it or just captured what was fucked up about right it's always perfect i also feel like with carlin and uh orwell too is kind of like this where anytime something happens no matter what side of the political spectrum you're on yeah people like cherry pick things that he says and like yes they both would have been on my side on this right because he was a free speech absolutist he thought that less speech was much more dangerous yeah and he also came from an era where you go to jail for speaking your mind or cursing he would get fired from clubs and concerts if he spoke out against Vietnam, things like that. But he didn't live long enough to see algorithms and YouTube and Facebook and the way things get distributed and how people are hypnotized by what's going into their feed.
And I asked his daughter Kelly, what would he think about all of that? And she said, there's no way to predict it. And whatever it would be, it would blow your mind.
Right. But she's like, there's no way to know what he would make of it.
Yeah, you can't say like, oh, he would have hated this, like, you know, definitively, because you don't, that's the genius of George Carlin is he has a take that no one else had thought of. But he basically was disappointed in people.
I mean, that was his thing. He was an idealist who became sad that we didn't take better care of each other, didn't take better care of the world, of the planet.
And he felt like corporate interests were taking advantage of all of us and wanted us dumb and just dumb enough to help them make money. And that was his general philosophy okay so maybe he would have hated it maybe we can't say that so i i want to we we said it right before we started that we have a problem with king of staten island which we i love that movie yes and i don't want him to get blackballed because he didn't ask us to do this.
Yes. But you cut too many Jimmy Tatro scenes.
He's a good friend of ours. We love Jimmy.
We love Jimmy. Nah, do you? Well, here's the thing.
You know, when you do a firehouse and you got eight guys in the firehouse, what you're trying to do is give everybody a shot to score. Right.
You know, but if you let one person fully dominate, then you get seven large men mad at me. Right.
Right. And so, but yes, Jimmy is so hilarious.
And it's a favor for us, to us, for him to be in the movie. And there's definitely moments when you're shooting and you're like, I wish that this movie had a major Jimmy storyline.
Yeah. Because obviously he's a big star and should be a bigger one.
But that's a frustrating thing for me generally, even in the bubble. There's so many incredible actors and actresses, and I think they all have their shots and they score big, but most of them deserve their own movie.
And that's kind of how I work. Like Jonah Hill has a couple of lines in something like 40 Old Virgin, and then we go, I think he should be the lead of the movie.
Right. And then we try to, with people, figure that out.
What do you do with all of that footage? Because reading about it and obviously watching all your films, there's an element of letting the camera roll. And I think you even said Fred Armisen in the bubble.
Like when he's going, you just let it go yeah what what happens to it afterwards is there going to be a project at some point where you go through it all and and because I'm sure there's hilarious moments that we never see well like we put together this like five minute documentary about Fred's character the director of this dinosaur action movie you know who won Sundance with a movie he made while he was working at Home Depot called Tiles of Love. And we have all this extra footage of him directing everybody.
And so that's online. You can find that maybe on the Bubble Instagram or something.
And so we keep making fake documentaries about the Cliff Beast world and about our world making it and then we'll

put up all the deleted scenes somewhere

on YouTube or something. I mean

Blu-ray's gone. It used to be a fun place

to store all of that

and I don't think that the streamers have

decided that they want it there.

So unless you're like a Criterion Edition

Blu-ray, it's a little trickier.

Yeah. Do you think that

the switch that we've kind of been forced into

over the last couple years, watching movies

at home, do you think that's something that's

going to the movie because i went i what was i went to go see um house of gucci yeah a couple months ago and you know that's not really a movie that you need to see on the big screen, but the experience of being in a movie theater is something that you forget how much better it is until you actually go experience it again. I feel like we've kind of reached that point now where it's going to take a big event or a big blockbuster action movie to get everybody out of their own homes to go to a theater to watch it.
I just hope that it doesn't continue down this path, but it kind of feels like I'm fighting against windmills if I try to get people to go back to the movie theater. I don't know what will happen once people are feeling better when the pandemic feels really over.
Because I remember before the pandemic, there were big movies like the Tarantino movie and maybe it was the Wes Anderson movie before that. They just made a fortune.
They were like really big movies. And people wanted to see a good movie, an original movie.
And so, like, I saw Licorice Pizza in L.A. And I thought in normal times that would probably be a pretty big movie.
I don't know what it did now. I saw The Batman the other day.
And that was incredible in a movie theater. And you would hope that just young people go, oh, I love the experience.
Maybe I'll go see a comedy in a theater next. And not, I just need to see crime.
Yeah, we saw Jackass Forever in the theaters. It was awesome.
It was a lot of fun. I gotta see that.
That's my favorite stuff. Oh my god.
The best the best it's awesome we always talk about how you could play that type of movie for anybody yeah maybe going back to caveman times but like any culture my cat yeah my cat will laugh at it i mean that's what i go to when i want a hard laugh because a lot of comedy is like emotional or hmm you know like you don't really laugh but you appreciate the joke and you know there are only a few things like sasha baron cohen's work or jackass where you actually lose your shit yeah you can you can turn your brain off yeah we laugh yeah we did a uh 2000s comedy draft on on one of our podcasts called the dog dog walk obviously your films took up like 65 percent of the entire draft board but i took super bad number one overall overall in the entire draft. I think that, if I were to ask you, like, out of all your movies, would you agree, like, that is the funniest of all of them? I mean, that's right up there.
I mean, it's tricky because, you know, we work so hard into all of them. But I remember when we showed Superbad for the first time it was at a like a in the valley like in burbank and i asked cameron crow if he wanted to come to give us notes and it was the first time the audience had ever seen it and it the place exploded it was like a led zeppelin concert i mean it was the hugest reaction so that's always right near the top the other one that i think holds up is will and adam mckay's movie stepbrothers i feel like that one is just aging very well every time it's odd you just can't shut it off yeah and i remember when that one came out people didn't like love it right away and then it slowly became oh this is an incredible movie yeah yeah that's a movie that gets you through like some rough nights yeah you know if you're having a bad night and you play stepbrothers it's gonna do something it's a stop on your tv movie it's like goodfellas stepbrothers shawshank if you see it you just stop and like all right this is what i'm doing for the next couple hours so um you're i mean your career has been incredible you're now what 30 plus yearsplus years into it.
Jesus Christ. Is there a point where it's hard? That sounded terrible.
Yeah, no, but it's 30-plus years of incredible work. Is it harder, though, as you get older and, like, you know, you obviously have wealth and you have fame and your life is kind of settled, is it harder to find that creative itch? Like constantly, is it harder to be funny when, when, when everything's more like, okay, you're not this like 20 year old trying to scratch and claw your way to the top.
I'm always fascinated by that because it does find at some point in someone's career, it's like, all right, I've reached it. What do you can just say i just want to do nothing right like that could be like if you love leisure i don't really have a hobby you know i i don't want to golf i don't do anything that's very time consuming so i'm always interested in how can you make these movies better? Can they be deeper? Can they be funnier? Like, how do you go hard funny? Like with the bubble, it was like, this is like, I don't know, it's like a Mel Brooks, Tropic Thunder style movie.
Like, I've never done that tone before. It's a little less emotional and a little nut, more nuts.
more nuts. And there's no way to know if it's going to work.
So it always puts you on your toes because how do you know if a joke's going to work? Every joke, like with drama, you can kind of tell when people are going to cry. Like you know when people are going to feel.
You could do it, not the version, but but a joke is a mystery every time. So it always keeps me interested.
And I always think that you can do it better somehow. So I just never lose interest in it.
OK, I mean, that's a great answer. I mean, that's kind of I guess you're right.
Like you get to a point like unless you have these hobbies, what else are you going to do? You're just going to try to keep entertaining people. Along that line, the bubble, a lot of it or piece of it is the idea that famous people, actors, comedians, they always have to be on for the people and hit that dopamine rush of I made someone laugh.
During the pandemic, was there anyone, you don't have to say specifically, but that you knew or in your life where it's like oh they're kind of falling apart not being able to like hit that button constantly oh to get there yeah because I mean we struggled with it too you know we have sports we talk about sports most of the time there was times where like this this really sucks we don't have sports like we watched we reviewed stupid you know uh you know reviewed stupid reality shows. Big Cat created a fictional video game coach that would play in games and he was a college coach named Coach Duggs and he would compete and go through full seasons and because people had nothing to do that was the only sports that they could watch.
So it was like, yeah, we've lost our minds. We had 150,000 people watching me play a fake national championship game online.
We had confetti and cigars and shit. Yeah, like trying to find that thing of like, what do we do? Did you struggle with that? And did you see other people struggling with that? I'm trying to think of like what other people were doing.
I mean, I think that we're all crazy enough to just start working. I mean, the thing about comedy is you could just take a year to write a script.
So the world could shut down and you just go in your room and create some fantasy land. I mean, for me, I look at it like, wow, that must have been a real two-year nervous breakdown if I worked on a four-hour documentary, a book of 33 interviews, and a feature film that I made in a year from the moment I thought of it until I handed it in.
Like, that's like I should seek help. Yeah.
But I didn't realize it during it. Yeah.
I just thought, oh, we're making a movie. It's nice to get out of the house.
And yet I'm juggling the other projects. And Billy Eichner is gearing up to shoot.

And you don't realize what you're doing until six months later when we're talking about it.

Like, that's a lot of stuff over a short period of time.

I guess I really didn't want to sit in my head and think about life too much. And it's also, yeah, to think about it in the moment, you're not, like, you just got back to work.
You found a way to get back to work, which that did fascinate me with the pandemic because there was that moment where it was like, you know, a month or two months, three months into it, it's like, all right, so what are we going to do now? All right, let's try to figure out a way to get back to work. Yeah.
And I guess, I think there was probably a moment in the beginning where I thought I was resting. Right.
You know, for a few months, like, oh, I can shut it all down. This is so nice.
Maybe I'll just interview some people. I'll just interview a few people.
Maybe I'll just start outlining this movie. And the next thing you know, you're in London, like, building dinosaurs.
Yeah, that's just like what you do. You know, like, you can try to stop it, but eventually you'll find your way back there.
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Make plans to go out in Abercrombie. shop their newest arrivals in store and online terms apply i was um i was reading a wikipedia page that's how i do most of my preparations it's all on there this is probably extremely accurate but it said that you were um you did four tracks on adam sandler's 1996 comedy album what the hell happened to me is that accurate that is accurate so that i'm part of that i'm a part of cock and balls i'm part of uh sex or gym yeah i play the cop in uh one of the uh the cop sketches um is and uh yeah i'm on three or four i think i maybe i was one of the writers on the song, Steve Polly Chronopolis.
Great tune. So that was a funny moment because Sandler, especially at that moment, had so much energy to make stuff.
Right. And he loved being funny and he loved making stuff.
So the second there was a pause at SNL, he would just go in the studio and just start making sketches and making songs. And he just loved it so much.
I think he also enjoyed that he could get some of the best musicians in the history of rock and roll to make these epic comedy rock songs like Waddy Wachtell from Stevie Nicks and Warren Zevon's band. And he's got like John Lennon's drummer.
And he really enjoyed it. And's just so much energy in those records i think they hold up and they get crazier as they go on yeah like the the all songs ones are really funny i mean the goat opera come on people listen to the goat opera again i mean that to me growing up that was one of the one of the like focal points of me and my friend group was okay somebody would get their hands on an adam sandler cd yeah and then we just sit around listening to it like that was a that was a very big part of comedy culture back in the mid 90s i don't see any nobody's really making sketch comedy albums anymore yeah not in a while norm mcdonald made one back in the day that not a lot of people knew about that one um medium pace remember that song that was that was a real good one yeah what was the last great sketch comedy album i don't know eminem always puts a few sketches in between his tracks yeah those are hit or miss yeah well maybe that's that's the next move that's the next thing yeah do you ever uh worry about like how your comedy ages i know that's a shitty question but like we obviously, we're not you, but we're in the same line of we produce content every day.
And then if you're like, oh, what'd you say this five years ago? It's like, well, I don't know. It's a different time.
I mean, for me, I really always thought that it was about immature people. So all the bad behavior in there is very purposeful.
I'm trying mean like if you watch knocked up they're trying to start an internet site that tells you where all the nude scenes are right the movies and they think they're geniuses for it but it's in there because we're trying to show that you know when you're young you have a few years to be a knucklehead and bounce around with your friends before you try to behave like normal people behave.

And when he gets Katherine Heigl's character pregnant, it ends instantly.

He loses that time of his life.

And so there's a lot of things in it that I don't think are good, but they're kind of bad because I want him to need to stop. Right.
Right. It's kind of showing it.
Yeah. I could see that for sure.
So as you were getting started, and I know that you wrote for SNL, things like that, I would assume that most people that get into comedy do so because they want to perform their own comedy. And for you, you were a writer.
You were writing jokes for other people. Is that something that kind of, you found yourself going down that path? Or is that something that from the get go, you found yourself being more gravitated to, to collaborating with others as opposed to making it for yourself? Well, I never got on SNL.
I always wanted to get on SNL. I got some bits that I wrote.
I wrote a monologue for Roseanne and some things with Adam that got on, but I was never there as a writer, which I always dreamed of doing. I created the Ben Stiller show with Ben, the sketch show, and that was the main sketch thing that I did.
But I think early on, just because I was such a fan, I just knew that I wasn't going to be like Jim Carrey. And anyone would feel that way.
You know, you'd watch Jim Carrey as a young person go on stage and improvise his entire set and all the stuff he could do physically and his ideas were so bizarre and amazing. And I would watch him and think, I don't think I'm going to be able to do that.
And what am I going to be able to do? Because I can write for that. I can help him with that.
But I'm never going to be able to do that. And then I would see somebody else like Sandler and be like, I don't think I'm going to be able to do that either.
And there's, you know, just like in any profession, any creative profession, some people are just way better than everybody else. I mean, if, you know, I just met Kenneth Branagh.
And you're like, yeah, there's a reason why he's Kenneth Branagh. He's better than everybody else at this thing or Denzel Washington.
And that's how I felt as a comedy fan. I knew who the ones were that were going to break out.
And I never looked in the mirror and said, like, and me. Yeah.
I think that's awesome though.

I think that's like a lot of comedians or a lot of people who are into comedy, like Big Cat was alluding to earlier, they love the dopamine rush. They love, you know, making somebody laugh, making somebody like them as they're performing it.
But there's other ways that you can get that similar sort of satisfaction. And I guess maybe for you, was it the satisfaction of creating something that brought joy to somebody else and watching them enjoy something that you had a hand in making as opposed to delivering yourself? I think I had to let go of the idea that I was going to be able to do some of the things that they did as performers.
And later on, I got to do a Netflix stand-up special, and I just hosted the Directors Guild Award. So I get a little taste of being a standup comedian, more in a Karl Reiner tradition of hosting and things like that, which, by the way, I love.
I get to be funny on stage. I do all these events at Largo.
But I wasn't going to be electric. And I did have fun thinking of things for people like Jim Carrey because, you know, I remember I wrote a sketch with him for In Living Color that they did.
There was like four or five sketches that we wrote together. One was Dickie Peterson, Cherub of Justice, which is a little bit of a precursor to the cable guy.
And it was just like kind of a loser guy who protected a 7-Eleven. And he was just in a 7-Eleven wandering around, protecting it from anyone who might come in and try to steal anything.
And they did it on the show and it murdered. Then they did it again.
And so I would have these moments like, wow, I got to write for the best comedian in the world and see what he would do with it. There was another sketch where Jim was a self-defense instructor and he keeps giving a knife to the women in the class and saying, okay, I'll show you how to protect yourself.
Come at me with a knife. And they would say, really? And he's like, yeah, come on, you won't be able to do anything.
And then every single time they do stab him and it's just a very silly sketch but jim is the best performer ever and yeah the thrill of seeing that made me realize oh i i do enjoy that i have i mean the fun of watching fred armison be funny in the bubble is pretty up there yeah so uh freaks and geeks high school drama you you you know you create that it's 1980 it's set in 1980s your daughter now in 2022 that's right is in euphoria yeah that's strange that's a little bit of a change in high school yeah what have you when you watch you for you're like is this what it is now well maybe you the euphoria thing was happening in Brings and Geeks, but the geeks never got to see it. They were not invited to those parties.
It's a shock. I watched the first.
I have yet to watch the second season of Euphoria. I have two young children, and I'm dreading it because I'm like, it's going to even be worse in 10 years when they go to high school.
So do you see that that and you're like whoa this is times have definitely

changed well yeah i mean it is uh it is very different but i guess on some some level if you really broke it down there's elements that are the same you know i remember that paul figo he said that in high school there were some kids that really wanted to grow up and be adults and they were trying to act like adults and then there were other kids trying so hard to stay children

and they were trying to act like adults. And then there were other kids trying so hard to stay children.
And they really were scared to death of everything and loved being little kids. And that's a lot of what he was writing about.
So some of that is the same thing. I mean, euphoria is a lot about like trauma and trauma of childhood that leads you to make a lot of bad decisions.
And the second season is pretty incredible because it all builds to an idea that's kind of beautiful and emotional and surprising for how shocking so much of it is. Right.
That he had a large thought. It almost feels like the two seasons is one idea.
Big season, yeah. Yeah, one idea.
But I'm very proud of Maude I mean she she she really does some remarkable work yeah in the second season definitely do you think there is such thing as the Judd Apatow cinematic universe is there a storyline like seven years from now are you gonna release a film and it's like this is what I've tied together throughout the last 30 years of my career that's interesting and just everyone just everyone is in one thing. Well, I love like when we do like This is 40 off of Knocked Up or Get Him to the Greek off of Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Like anytime we can spin out something, I get a kick out of it. I don't know how many will get into the same thing, but it's worth trying.
I think that there's like there's enough theories out there on Reddit and just on the internet at large where they've they've probably already connected the dots for you a little bit it's always funny seeing people do like the fan theories that if you present them to the people that actually created it they would read and be like these people are insane well it would be fun to try to make a movie where people just keep crossing through like erica the woman who worked at the like the quickie mart and super. They got robbed and just like, all right, I'm going to start thinking.
I never thought about it in this way, but now I'm thinking about it. Like the last season of the wire.
I remember like there was a big montage when the wire ended and then you saw that that one cop who had met this stripper season two and they'd shown, they've never shown it before. He married to her right and there's a bunch of those that happen yeah it's like the i mean pixar does that right they put a they put like a little tickler to the next movie coming out or like if you watch toy story you can see a car in the background that's gonna be cars oh wow it's mostly people who have too much time on their hands like just really going through these movies so the bubble uh which again is out april 1st on netflix was there any moment while you're filming this because it's obviously a movie about doing a movie during a pandemic but you also are literally doing a movie during a pandemic was there ever a moment where you got like confused with yourself you're like wait so this is what which one so it's like mass protocols is a joke but we also have to follow this like yeah the whole thing i think there'd be moments where i just get confused on my own idea i think the main confusion was is this funny like there would be moments where we would be shooting something and it would be about like the stress of being cooped up say like we have two montages where people have to do their two-week quarantines.
And everyone is losing their mind and we're montaging them falling apart. And so it was a lot of improvisations of just people exercising or watching TV or crying or drinking alone or masturbating.
And then there just would be a moment where we'd look at each other and go like, is this funny or just real? Yeah, this is what we're actually like. I actually tried to fuck that screen in my hotel room last night.
Yeah, shit, yeah. Was there anything that got added to the movie as you were experiencing the actual quarantine where you learned or you had an experience in the bubble and you're like, this is funny enough where we should actually put this part into the movie.
I mean, in a way

it's the whole movie

is that. We would have a conversation

about something

and then it would go in.

And a lot of it was, is it

worth making a movie right now?

Is it worth the risk

to have a crew and

make a movie or is it actually

not worth the risk and we shouldn't do it? And then that's what they're saying in the movie. Like, no one needs Cliff B-6.
We already have five of them. And you could say that about the bubble, but we're also making the bubble while making fun of people who think that they need to make a movie.
And then we would be like, but the crew needs work. Like, you can't shut down everyone's ability to make a living and the crew's thrilled that we're making a movie and we kind of need a job and i think people need something to watch although is that arrogant to think they need this you're doing the are we the baddies this is where my yeah this is where my confusion yeah yeah i see like am i an asshole for thinking i need to provide this movie? And then they say that in the movie.
They're like, we're very important. We're as important as first responders.
We're giving people distractions. We're bringing them joy.
And then are like, is that what we think we're doing? And we kind of do, but we're also saying that we're assholes for thinking it. And then your brain just explodes.
Yeah, so you summed that up perfectly. I have a general gripe against Hollywood.
This isn't you specific. I don't actually think that you fall into this, but I'm using you as a proxy for Hollywood.
For everyone. The entity.
Why do all movies have to be two and a half hours now? Why can't we just do a 90-minute movie? I mean, everybody has lifted up. I personally was always a fan of the 2205 comedy because when you cut to 90, 90 you lose most of the character work so i was like you know if people could sit for another 10 minutes you really get a lot out of that 10 minutes and some people give me a hard time about it which i don't mind when i see them on tv i'm glad i did it but the 235 to 250 thing has really exploded a bit but i have say, having just watched The Batman, I really enjoyed it.
It is crazy to see a movie that's like 245. You're like, I don't have the time for this.
And then you just watch five episodes of The Office. Exactly.
And you're like, wait, what? That's what I would always say because people would give me shit. Your movies are so long.
I'm like, and then you'll fucking watch four hours of The Bodyguard or whatever show you're watching. Oh, it happens every time.
You're just like, wait, what do I do? Or you just sit on your phone, and you watch two and a half hours of TikTok. Yeah.
In like 30 seconds. That's actually a good idea for a movie.
Just curate TikTok, and then put it on a big screen, and so everybody sits down. This is where it all ends.
I think Rob Dyrdek did that already. Who did? No, I'm just kidding.
Rob Dyrdek. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just sit in front of a big screen, 30-second clips for two and a half hours. That would be good.
But certainly I've seen movies, and I'm like, God, how long is this fucking movie? Thinking I'm in like hour three, and I look, and I'm like 38 minutes in. Yeah.
I mean, usually it is. If you're in a world you love to be in, a lot of times you don't want to leave it.
Yeah. Like Avatar.
Have you considered making a movie that's so visually appealing that people leave the theater and want to kill themselves because they don't live inside your world? That's what movie's good. Yeah.
Well, now that I've made some dinosaurs and I understand how it works, I finally have done some special effects and some action. I did create a world so and it's so funny because i'm working with all the the cgi artists and they're the same people who make the jurassic dinosaurs but because we're a joke they're pitching jokes and they're so happy to pitch right jokes right and they're all like what if their balls explode i'm like yes good you finally can get that in a movie yeah what's that process like if you're working with a cgi person like do you see the initial uh like screen of what the dinosaur is going to look like and you're like you know what could we put could his could his testicles be bigger i mean i cannot tell you the amount of time i spent designing the penis of the dinosaur.
I may have spent more time on that than writing the script because there's a whole funny joke about what the penis of the dinosaur looks like. And we're like, it should look a little bit like it's translucent, like a jellyfish, but it glows like an alien.
And Fred has a whole monologue about it. Like, it doesn't look like a normal penis and and it is maybe the most detailed penis you've ever seen in film history we have actually a consultant Billy Billy football is really into reptiles and amphibians if you ever need a guy to tell you how to make different penis yeah different penis he's he's your cock guy um noble is best-in-class, award-winning footwear with options across training and lifestyle.
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We play this with every celebrity, athlete, anyone who comes in the studio, we play this game.

It's called, when was the last time you deleted a tweet?

Oh, that's funny.

When was the last time you deleted a tweet, Josh?

I deleted one this morning.

It was about the environment.

I like your strategy of just ignoring.

That's the way to go with Twitter.

Well, you got to ignore it because the truth is 20% of everybody hates you at all times. Correct.
And then everyone's like, you just say anything. And then people love to attack.
Even if you say the most simplistic thing in the world, like maybe we shouldn't punch Chris Rock. There's a lot of people who are just like, what? Yeah.
Next time, just a tip, you should just do our good friend Adam Schefter. You just tweet assault.
That's what he does whenever he sees assault on a screen. He just writes it.
It's assault, period. That's it.
I mean, the thing about Twitter also is everything disappears in the day and a half. Right.
Especially when you delete it. Yeah.
And also, when you delete stuff, like last night, I just also found it funny. You just start writing your jokes on what's happening.
Yeah, no, it became open mic night on Twitter. Yeah, which is fun to just read, like, okay, what is the joke on this? And then at some point you're like, oh, I've lost my mind.
I'll just get rid of all these. I mean, I don't need everything to live everywhere all the time.
I like that. But people take things seriously in ways that you don't mean seriously, other than, you know, I go go to award shows I'd like to feel like the stage is safe you know I'd like to feel like we can do jokes wouldn't it be fun if it was just like hey this award show if you win an award there's one person who's gonna win an award tonight that will get slapped well how about this what if the whole award show is basically the set of Mad Max and it's thunderdome wait are you talking about like celebrity death match where all the a-list celebrities yes yes i would watch that absolutely yeah next time you come on i can explain my entire theory that there should be a rule in professional sports that every athlete gets to fight one fan a year because it just keeps everything kind of you know like one fan that goes crazy and starts yelling at someone it It's like, all right, come out here.
I'm fighting you in center court. This is the debate America is going to have right now.
Yeah. Should we fight one fan a year? Just like what are the scenarios where those lines get crossed? Yes.
Or what you could do with your Twitter. I do this when I have a take that ages extremely poorly.
I just copy Jay Williams' tweet when he claimed that he got hacked. Yeah.
So you can just say that you got hacked and say, as it relates to my Will Smith tweet that came from my account a couple hours ago, I did not post that, and my passcode has now been changed. Yeah, exactly.
Or what I do, whenever my teams lose heartbreaking fashion, I just pretend that I'm selling PS5s online. And then you feel better? Yeah, no, because everyone's like, oh, he's hacked again.
It's like, no, I just tweeted. Yeah, exactly.
But Judd, this has been awesome. Thank you for stopping by in person.
Thank you. Again, the bubble out on April 1st.
Sicker in the Head out March 29th. And the George Carlin documentary coming out in a few weeks, right? Yeah, and I'll be at the 92Y with Rami Youssef this week.
I forgot what day it is. Thursday? Wednesday? Thursday? What? Thursday? And then we're screening the movie Wednesday at the Paris Theater in New York if you want to see it on a screen with me talking afterwards.
Awesome. Very cool.
Awesome. Well, thanks so much.
Thanks, guys. Big news, guys.
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Okay, let's wrap up. We've got Fire Fest of the Week.
Hank. I got a couple.
Yeah? One is a dryer fest. Your dryer's broken? It is like...
I have to do two cycles of drying. Do you remember to clean out the lint filter? Yes.
Are you sure? I did this. I cleaned it out.
It was really... There was a lot in there.
I'm like, oh, I fixed it. Did not fix it.
Have you tried unplugging it and then plugging it back in? It's kind of in like a closet where you can't, like, I don't even know how I would go about doing that. What about where the air goes out? That's probably full of lint, too.
I got to look back into it. It's an issue because, you know, usually in like three hours you can do multiple loads of laundry.
But it's like I can just do one load of laundry in three, and then I'm always behind in my laundry. So that's my dryer fest.
And then my other fire fest was... Wait, so are your clothes wet right now? No, I just have to like...
It just takes a long time to dry anything. You've been looking damp recently.
Yeah, really damp. Like kind of moist.
Hank's been coming down to the content floor and just has like a smile on his face. Get the fuck out of here, you soup.
I know Big Cat just looks over me and then just like, In 1997, into a percentile state. Do you remember that? I went upstairs last Friday to talk to Hank, and I asked people upstairs.
I was like, where does Hank work? And people were like, Hank works upstairs now? They didn't know. And so I walked around trying to find somebody that knew.
And I had to have somebody escort me to the other side of the entire floor because hank has his own wing upstairs what i don't have my own it's it no hey i just put my desk where there was no one else because it's quiet hank has probably 30 desks and for himself it's me and it's a good look damn anyway i decided i saw that uh laser tweet and not really thinking about it i said that soccer is a joke. Like, I decided I saw that laser tweet and not really thinking about it.

I said that soccer is a joke.

Like the fact that, you know, your spot at the World Cup is determined by a fucking penalty kick with laser beams getting shot in your face is a joke.

And I didn't really think about it.

It was just a fact.

And then, like, I just can't go on Twitter.

Oh, the soccer heads are on. I don't mute notifications.
I had to mute the notifications. Yeah.
It was absurd. Like, the discourse going on was too much.
There's no argument. It's a joke.
But that same thing happened to the other country when they were playing in a game earlier. That's a joke, too.
The sport is a joke. It's not a joke.
The sport is a beautiful game, Hank. To go to the World Cup or the NHL Finals, it was penalty kicks, and also there was banana peels on the ice.
That would be kind of funny. That would be very funny, yeah.
But a joke. The NHL should implement that.
Yeah, it's Savannah Bananas. Yeah.
No, you're right. Soccer is Savannah Bananas, the entire sport.
But counterpoint, you're 12 yards away. You should be able to make a penalty kick, even if they're lasers.
You should do that with your eyes closed. There were so many lasers.
Yeah, and people are like, you don't know what that does to your cornucopia and all this shit. Cornucopia.
Whatever. Cornia.
But how about the lads? Are you at least a little bit excited about the lads? No, I was rooting for 5-0. Well, that wouldn't have done anything.
6-0, whatever. Yeah, well, it's coming home.
Make it out of pool play and I'll watch. You do do make it out of pool play frequently we just always lose to ghana i just wish it was on during the summer i like the world cup in the summer i get into the world cup in the summer the fact that it's in the fall it's like come on man if you just say it's coming home enough it becomes more exciting damn uh all right your fire fest pft so my fire fest of the week i actually just found out about maybe two minutes before we started taping part of my take and i'm a little bit concerned about it so we are getting on a flight and i'm boarding the flight in about five hours five and a half hours from now what's going on um my id is expired oh that's that doesn't matter i thought i i i also thought it was like weather related we all were gonna die just you have a problem that's yeah no it's me yeah it's My fire first.
Yeah, yeah's okay. That doesn't matter.
I also thought it was like weather related.

We all were going to die.

Just you have a problem?

That's fine.

Yeah, no, it's me.

It's my fire fest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you're fine.

Also, my passport is expired.

You can-

Okay, but I'm not even-

So the flight is one thing, because I have clear.

It's TSA pre-check on steroids.

And I'm more concerned about the fact that once I get to New Orleans,

I won't be able to get into certain establishments because I've expired identification. Mine's been expired for like six months.
Yeah, I think. Actually, you know what? It's New Orleans.
Yeah. That's probably the one that you don't need to even be alive to get put into bars down there.
I've gone on to Instagram. Yeah.
I've gone on to you can get into the airport without an ID, period. Yeah.
You just like go through your whole life. That was me in Nashville.
That was me in Minneapolis when I found Bubba sleeping in a sauna. Mine was in Vegas too.
Yeah. I think it happened to us.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, they just ask you 10 billion questions and like pat you down and look through all your luggage. Yeah.
About like old relatives of yours and shit like shit that you would never know yeah you guys don't think it'll be a problem to get into bars in new orleans no okay good no all right cool no all right fire fest over yeah that's the fastest fire fest of all time uh my fire fest is pretty simple it's just a pre-fire fest i really don't know what i'm gonna do when duke wins on saturday night hank is he is insufferably smug and people who like i can't remember who i was talking to someone was like i'm surprised hank i think it was roan he was like i'm surprised hank didn't shove it in your face after the texas tech game i was like hank knows by now that he can just sit in the room with a smile a little smile on his face and it would drive me 10 billion times angrierrier than if he just yelled in my face. This one's also a lot easier because, like you said, you're not even gambling it because it's emotional.
The game of the year, I know that it's partially losing, but it's also like you lost money, so it's tough to be like, ha, ha, ha, this will just be pure laughs, pure joy. I'd be ashamed if the CLP loses.
Duke is in it. Yeah, but that's just witchcraft from you.
I mean, it can't lose. It literally can't lose.
It's in the name. It would be a shame.
It would be a shame if Kansas was the reason they lost. Yeah, that would actually really suck.
The worst possible situation is if Duke wins in the semifinals and then loses in the national championship. I feel like you've said the worst, for me, worst possible situation.
No, I'm just saying, for the podcast in general, because then we get kind of the joy of Coach K losing a little bit. Right.
But also Hank's upset because Duke doesn't win, but it's not like a full celebration. Oh, no, I'd take it.
I'd fully celebrate. I would just be tickled pink if Coach K lost to UNC.
It's the biggest college basketball game since Magic Bird. And also Gonzaga-Baylor, as told to us by Rico Bosco.
Billy, you're fire fast. So I was trying to catch a train, and when you get to the station, you see how long it takes before the train leaves.
I had a good old zero minutes till it left so i had to like get to the turnstile it was all going to plan uh get down the stairs they were like giving out the the doors are now closing full send it into closing doors uh get in foot gets caught in the door face plant kind of what honestly, I don't like to think of things negatively. I fucking made that train because the next one was in 36 minutes.
I would have been late. So that was a pretty awesome move.
But I did just fall in front of a lot of people. This would be what? Like your third time unintentionally ending up on subway creatures? Yeah.
We don't talk about that yeah the funniest thing that people ever do to us is send us pictures like screenshots of pictures of billy that are on other popular instagram accounts where they don't know that it's billy doing it i love the best you're all over the place i thought you were gonna say you got on you ended up getting on the wrong train i've done that where i've just like hauled ass hopped on and then looked up and been like whoops wrong train yeah yeah but it was it was a positive in the end yeah you made the train you made the train you made the train all right jake uh one is happening to me right now i'm trying to print these little things for you and i'm having issues what yeah well no memes said he's gonna print what's yeah i'm talking to memes oh wait he's having issues he asked me to do it because i have connection to the printer but fuck having issue with double-sided thing no i'm gonna i'm gonna keep trying but how many do you need to print up i just wanted to print them for us but i want also the people i'm gonna tweet out the link so the people can have it i mean we at the worst case scenario we can just make them ourselves with their handwriting i asked me memes i'm gonna memes to pick them up and bring them in. Or take them to Kinko's.
If it worked. God damn it, I hope this works.
My plan. This would really...
I got to use everything I got. I have everything I got going against them.
And then also, back-to-back meals the last two days, they just forgot my meat on my salad. What? Yeah.
You've been meatless? Yeah. I walked into, me and Jake went together to get salads the other day, and he walked in like the king of the cast.
Yo, they know him. Yeah, it's like cheers for him.
There was a line out the door, and Jake just bypasses them, and the worker who's in the middle of making a salad just, like, turns around, grabs his food, and is like, here you go. Yeah.
And I was just like, no words spoken. You ever make talk i said thank you yeah yeah you ever like chat them up or is it just no they're very busy so i just say hey thank you have a good one see you tomorrow yeah but no meat so how much do they really like you i know but it's okay yeah i guess so they're good to me.
If anyone gets this right, this number right,

they get to declare who's going to win the title.

Six.

And it will be right.

Six.

Ninety-one.

Twenty-two.

Twenty-five.

Ninety-five.

I want to switch from 69, but if 69 hits, I'd never forgive myself.

Just say 69.

69.

No one's going for the three in a row. What was that, 72? 76.
Come on. 24.
That's a great number. As the person who was the closest.
All right, 25. Shit.
So you decide it. Do we want a jinx? What? No, you have the power to decide.
What's your bracket say, Jake? What's your bracket say? Jake, you do it. we want a jinx? What?

No, you have the power to decide Jake, what's your bracket say?

Jake, you do it

What's your bracket say?

Don't be worried about what Big Cat's going to do

Don't be worried about what Hank's doing

You have both of us

I'm asking you what you've said in the past

Jake, decide

Three, two, one

Duke's winning

No!

You fucking asshole

Jake, that's your boss

Damn it You know what you just did? I've wrong before. Do you know what you've done? Why? This is your fault now.
It's your fault. Well, that's a loser.
No, no, no, no, no, no. It's your fault.
It is 100%. Your fault is so much.
If I said, if Duke wins, UNC, the mob comes after me saying you jinxed it. If I say Duke.
Nope. Jake.
Thank you, Jake. Very cool.
You know what? Coach K should let you cut down the nets with him on Monday. Because you have just as much a part of it as Paolo Benchero.
Very cool. I mean.
Brutal, man. Jake.
We're ending the college basketball season the same way we started it.

Yeah.

Just letting me down.

You know that what you've done is you've just highlighted yourself as the main scapegoat.

It'd be a shame if I'm wrong.

It would be.

You're not going to be wrong.

I know.

You have superpowers.

I know.

You don't even believe it.

You don't even believe it.

That's our show.

We'll see everyone on Sunday night.

Love you guys.

Ben Franklin originally wanted the turkey to be the bird of America as opposed to the bald eagle. You know who the real turkey is? Obama.
Listen to this track, bitch. Talking away I don't know what I'm to say I'm sage anyway Today's my day to find you shying away you Thank you.
Take on me.

Take me on.

I'll be gone.

The day of change Slowly learning that life is okay Say after me It's for better to be safe than sorry Say after me It's for better to be safe than sorry Take on me.