Judd Apatow, Final Four And Fyre Fest Of The Week

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Speaker 1 See Mintmobile.com. On today's part in my take, we are about to embark to New Orleans for the final four.

Speaker 3 We'll talk a little of that.

Speaker 1 We have Bruce Arians stepping down as head coach, totally on his own volition.

Speaker 1 We have,

Speaker 1 let's see, Schefter resigned. We'll catch up on all the news.
We We have Firefest, and we also have a great interview in studio with Judd Apatow.

Speaker 1 We're going to give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 5 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 5 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 5 Now in the street, there is violence,

Speaker 5 and then a lot of work to be done.

Speaker 5 No place behind a lot of washing.

Speaker 5 And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Trick Iven.

Speaker 5 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 5 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Trick.

Speaker 1 It's part of my take, presented by Marshall Sports.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take presented by Venmo. Use the hashtag PMT in any transaction during basketball season.
They will send some of you a free $500.

Speaker 1 They're sending out $100,000 in free money to AWLs. Today is Friday, April 1st.

Speaker 1 I want Coach K to win. Haha, April 4th.
Good one. Yep, got it.
Good one. There we go.

Speaker 6 Be very woke online today. Yes.
The brands were silent over the past couple years. I feel like this is the year that they make a comeback.

Speaker 6 You remember the original one I remember everybody being fooled about was actually kind of pre-internet where Taco Bell said that they purchased the Liberty Bell. Yes.
Do you remember that one? Yes.

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 1 She actually had a genius move.

Speaker 1 I can now say it because it's airing on April 1st.

Speaker 1 The greatest thing that's ever been said to me in the history of the world was when Frank the Tank came up to me on Monday and he goes, So, big cat, I'm working on my April Fools joke.

Speaker 1 And I was like, Go on, tell me everything.

Speaker 1 I will not tell anyone because I don't want to ruin it, but April Fools, be woke.

Speaker 1 We are in the studio right now. We are departing for New Orleans right after we record this.

Speaker 1 World War III,

Speaker 1 UNC Duke, Kansas Nova. Kansas Nova is such, it's so sad how much of an undercard it is.
But UNC Duke, this podcast might change forever. The vibes.
Hank, how are you feeling?

Speaker 1 By the way, we will be recording time capsules over the weekend to make sure that we have maybe even Saturday night drunk.

Speaker 1 If something crazy happens, we'll maybe record something.

Speaker 6 This is a major future user.

Speaker 6 Yeah, no, because we are going to be out in New Orleans for most of the day, and then we're going to go to the game where they will be serving booze, and then we're probably

Speaker 1 funny for the people. I will say, let's think about it.

Speaker 6 I'm thinking right now, I'm thinking 70%. We're going to do a time cast.

Speaker 8 I think it tells me that it's entirely dependent on the outcome of the Duke.

Speaker 1 I would say that's fair.

Speaker 1 That'd be fair to say. Yeah, that's a good bet.

Speaker 6 My own propriety algorithm has the chances of UNC winning at 70%. Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. So, Hank, how are you feeling going into it?

Speaker 8 I feel good. I basically base my feelings just on how worried you are.

Speaker 8 And, you know, day by day, it's kind of not, you know, not to call you a crazy person, but it's like, you know, I'll come in and before I go up to the to the suit suite I'll come over and see big cat and he basically just starts

Speaker 8 he's already talking to himself just going through his list and like his ever-growing document of coach K like today I walked up and he's like you remember Stephen F.

Speaker 1 Austin and I was like it's 10 o'clock in the morning like what who cares that was a crazy crazy loss because it was at home and they were like not even close to being ranked and the way that they lost at the last very second of the game on that layup but the memorable part was three days later when Coach K said that he was dealing with an illness during the loss, and that's why he wasn't feeling himself.

Speaker 1 So really, it doesn't count.

Speaker 8 Verbal meme, you're the guy at the coffee table sitting there with the sign that just says, like, please come talk to me about anti-Duke rhetoric.

Speaker 1 Okay. I will engage with you.
Okay, well, good, good. I'm happy you brought this up, Hank, because I live rent-free in your head.

Speaker 1 I have... put together

Speaker 1 a document that our very talented colleague Quiggs is working on right now to fix up, where it will be a piece of paper, double-sided, that people can print out.

Speaker 1 It will be the size that you can put into your wallet that just has a list of everything that pisses me off about Coach K.

Speaker 1 So when you see a Duke fan this weekend, whether you're in New Orleans or in just regular life, you will have the information to fight back.

Speaker 6 Do you have the fact that he works at a private school, so there's no FOIA requests? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I have a whole part that just Coach K cheats. Please note that everyone cheats.
We don't care that people cheat in college basketball. We just care the fact that no one calls out Coach K for cheating.

Speaker 6 Do you have anything about his military service record? I don't.

Speaker 1 That part is blank. I do have a fun fact that I threw out there to some of the Duke fans.

Speaker 1 Since the pros started playing in the Olympics,

Speaker 1 how many coaches

Speaker 1 head coached multiple Olympic teams?

Speaker 6 So Pop did it.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 6 Larry Brown, did he do it?

Speaker 1 He coached, but but I'm saying multiple teams. How'd Larry Brown do? Multiple teams.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 I think if Larry Brown won as many gold medals as Coach K won, they would have been a good one.

Speaker 1 Multiple teams, PFT. Excuse me.
The question was multiple teams. Phil Jackson?

Speaker 1 Nope. So the answer is just Coach K.
So it's kind of an unspoken rule that a coach coaches the USA team, then let someone else have a crack at it. Coach K coached it three times.

Speaker 1 Every other coach since pros started playing in the Olympics, one time.

Speaker 6 That is interesting.

Speaker 1 And here's a weird thing. I don't know if this is related at all but coach k's recruiting classes when he started uh averaged around 17th in the country by the end of his three

Speaker 1 olympic tour that is just completely ridiculous he was averaging uh the two and a half best class in the country maybe maybe being able to like call lebron james on face time or kobe bryant probably helped a little bit well lebron is basically a duke alum yeah that's true but i don't know these are these are all these facts that i've armed you with so uh make sure you take a take a look at that and print that out.

Speaker 1 You just walk around with that.

Speaker 6 I just think that it would be the best possible ending to his career if he were to lose against UNC. If he loses in the championship, that's not as good to me.
I don't want him to lose.

Speaker 6 If he makes it the champions, you might as well just hand it to him because they're not going to let Coach K lose in the championship game. No.

Speaker 6 The perfect ending would be if he were to lose against his arch rival, UNC. You'd have to say his career would be a disappointment if it ended.

Speaker 1 Legacy tarnished.

Speaker 1 And we all know, like, Coach K doesn't care about money. He cares about the the kids and championships.

Speaker 1 Because in 2004, he was offered the Lakers job, and he said, the allure of coaching in college has no price.

Speaker 1 And then he went on to get paid double what Roy Williams got paid every single year for 17 years.

Speaker 6 That is interesting.

Speaker 6 That's just interesting. That's just an interesting

Speaker 6 fact to write down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's also in the sheet. So be on the lookout for the sheet.

Speaker 8 I'm very excited. I think they're going to smoke UNC, and then I'm really.

Speaker 1 Why are you so confident about it? I'm actually very nervous. I'll be honest with you.
I do think that Duke is going to win the national title.

Speaker 1 I've kind of mentally prepared that in the back of my head.

Speaker 1 And so much so that, like, I have a future on Nova, and I'm rooting against myself because I think Kansas has a better chance of beating Duke than Nova shorthanded.

Speaker 6 I think it's nice that Coach K elected to step away from the game and hand down his coaching ranks to one of his guys to let them take over so that way they didn't have to fire him and then go about finding a new coach, doing the whole search.

Speaker 6 All of his assistants would have gotten fired. I think it's just very classy with this done.

Speaker 8 This obviously will be a tough look for me, but

Speaker 8 we've been to many of these events, BitKat, you and I, and we've had stakes like this before, and I just, I know how it goes. We know how it goes.
We've done it before.

Speaker 8 You know, we'll do it again, and I'm just excited to relive that with you on Saturday night.

Speaker 6 There should be some sort of wager involved.

Speaker 1 I have so much emotionally involved at this point that I don't even have to bet the game. I'm rooting that hard.

Speaker 3 So Hank has to get a cat? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Win or lose.
That's what I was thinking. Yeah.
Win or lose, Hank has to get a cat.

Speaker 6 Hank's coming home from New Orleans. If you see Hank out and about in New Orleans, like it's kind of like the rule, the old part of my take rule, if you see Billy in public, slap him.

Speaker 6 If you see Hank out in New Orleans and you approach him with a cat, he has to take it.

Speaker 1 It's like getting ice.

Speaker 6 He has to accept it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bring all the knees. Take a knee.

Speaker 7 Take a knee and then just rub your face on the cat.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bring Hank a cat in New Orleans.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's going to be great because we haven't been to a Final Four game, obviously, in a while. Live sports rule, but we haven't been back to New Orleans since the LSU national champion.

Speaker 1 Basically, the start of COVID. That was the last non-COVID event we went to.

Speaker 6 That was the last fun weekend in the United States. Yeah.
It was that weekend. Yeah, and I'm so excited.

Speaker 6 Actually, I made a quick checklist of things that I want to do right before the show started because New Orleans is my favorite city in the entire country. Oh, wow.
Maybe the world. Okay.

Speaker 6 I want to eat something so spicy that I cry.

Speaker 6 I liked that. I want to purchase and lose a souvenir giant alcohol container of some type.

Speaker 6 I want to get slapped in a bar.

Speaker 7 Yep. And

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 That's not a bonk. I just want to get a boy or a girl.
Yeah, by a girl, obviously.

Speaker 6 And I want to make a friend named Cody. Okay.
I feel like there's a lot of Cody's running around New Orleans. I know a couple.
I've actually met on two separate occasions in New Orleans.

Speaker 6 Good friends named Cody. And they're always, Cody's always a fun hang.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, perfect. Isn't there a Cody?

Speaker 6 I think there are two.

Speaker 1 That might be. That's why they're perfect.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going to be a great, great time.

Speaker 1 Dogs for Cause will be Dogs for Cause is going to be incredible.

Speaker 8 Be at walk-ons on Friday and Monday. On Friday and Monday.
Come out, say what's up. Yep.

Speaker 10 Man, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 11 When you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts. That's where Snickers comes in, man.

Speaker 11 That thing is packed. Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk chocolate.
It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 11 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this.
Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 11 Snickers satisfies, man. That's a winning play.

Speaker 1 So, wait, what was I going to say? Oh, we're going to be at walk-ons.

Speaker 1 What else for New Orleans? Are you...

Speaker 1 I don't think you're nervous enough. You're confident.
You're confident. I am confident.
He's cocky. I am confident.
So this is.

Speaker 6 All right. So when Hank was telling us.

Speaker 8 It's like one of those, it's like a scale, and Big Cat's fear is picking my confidence up.

Speaker 6 So what I've noticed in this dynamic is last week when it was the Texas Tech Duke game, the game of the year, Hank was walking around telling us how nervous we were.

Speaker 6 And that's how I can tell when Hank's nervous.

Speaker 6 Big Cat telling Hank that Hank isn't nervous enough is a sign to me that Big Cat's nervous.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm very nervous. I am so nervous.

Speaker 1 What's at stake here and obviously it's not like i hate coach k and you love duke but like i'm talking about for other fans i'm nervous i'm actually nervous for unc fans and duke fans alike even though i don't i hope duke fans suffer but like this type of game where the stakes could not be higher i was trying to think about it like there are no

Speaker 1 like what would be a similar situation in college sports because if they end each other's season now they never get to end each other's season it would it would be oh state and Michigan in the semifinals.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 8 I also think a comparable one that you were involved on the right side on is like a perfect season. Like the fact that you guys, you know, the Kentucky perfect season,

Speaker 8 the stakes were that high. Yeah.
Like higher than just a regular game. Like they were super, super high because it's like a perfect season is hanging in the balance.

Speaker 1 Yes, a perfect season definitely has it. But like I know that the joke that we keep making is like, oh, they've never played.
Have you heard that staff?

Speaker 1 But it is kind of crazy that they've never been in a situation where they could

Speaker 1 someone's season ends, someone's season is completely over. Because, like, even when you look back, which it's crazy to look back at that game, Coach K's funeral of Cameron,

Speaker 1 I would say that neither of these teams would be here in the final four if that game didn't happen.

Speaker 1 Like, UNC gained a lot of confidence, and Duke figured out, like, holy shit, we can't just, you know, show up and beat people.

Speaker 6 They got the chip on their shoulder in that game. Now, if UNC wins, what are the chances that Coach K delivers a speech after the game? Like saying goodbye.
I want that.

Speaker 6 I absolutely would.

Speaker 6 I think he just leaves the arena, doesn't even talk to his own players.

Speaker 6 If he leaves.

Speaker 1 He's probably going to invite himself into the UNC locker room and try to give a speech like he did when he lost a 14-seed Mercer and he went and tried to coach the other team.

Speaker 1 And it just happened that all the cameras were there and caught that on camera.

Speaker 6 And who was the kid that he said you're too good to be celebrating like that at the end of the game?

Speaker 1 Well, which time? It was Dylan Brooks, and that was also Virginia Tech in 2007 when he did that as well to Zabian Dowdle.

Speaker 3 So he went up.

Speaker 1 And he also lied about that one when they asked him afterwards, he's like, no, I just said I congratulated him. And both players are like, no, no, no, he scolded us.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it turns out Zabian Dowdle was not too good to be showboating.

Speaker 6 That's actually a perfect use of Zabian Dowdle's time.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It turns out a college kid who has

Speaker 1 the best night of their life is going to be happy about it.

Speaker 6 Zabian Dowdle beat Duke.

Speaker 6 That's his career highlight. He was well within his rights to show off.

Speaker 1 Do you know what a weird one that I found today that I kind of respect in a fucked up way?

Speaker 8 Where do you look for these?

Speaker 1 I have a sheet that I went off and I added to it today. But like, do you just go on Google and just like

Speaker 1 search for all the different messages?

Speaker 6 You go on if you search for like

Speaker 6 quotation mark D-O-O-K

Speaker 6 in quotation mark, then you get to the good message boards of all the other ACC teams. And they have their own lists.

Speaker 1 In,

Speaker 1 I think it was 20, I can't remember when it was, what year it was, maybe 2020 or May 2019, Coach K said that the fans should have given them a standing ovation after they beat Florida State and they don't know how to cheer correctly.

Speaker 1 And then he showed old clips of Cameron Crazies to the fans scolding them, being like, this is how you do it.

Speaker 1 Which I respect that kind of fucking senile craziness, which he's not senile because he's been doing this his whole career. I love that.
That's the best part. I love that.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Good job, Coach. In a weird way, the sport will not be as enjoyable without Coach K.

Speaker 1 I absolutely admit two things. One, he is the best college coach of all time.
I will admit that. Two,

Speaker 1 I will miss him because I hate him so much. And that's what's the beauty of sports.
Hating things is just as fun as rooting for things. And yeah, it will be fun.
Jake, how are we feeling?

Speaker 1 You're credentialed.

Speaker 12 I am very excited. I got my suits packed.

Speaker 6 Suits, plural.

Speaker 12 Yeah, it's Saturday and Monday.

Speaker 1 Can you ask Coach K about Pete Goddad?

Speaker 1 What's up? Are your suits packed?

Speaker 6 My suits? Why would I be packing a suit? We're going on a work trip.

Speaker 1 I don't need a suit. I thought that's your thing.
I'll be doing a nice dinner.

Speaker 6 Maybe I'll pack a suit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You should. You're talking about...

Speaker 7 You know what? Fuck it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to pack a suit. There we go.
Ask him about Pete Gaudette.

Speaker 12 We can work out a question. That's like in the middle of...

Speaker 12 Something you would ask and something I would ask, but not something that I would get weird looks at at the press conference.

Speaker 1 Okay, then here, how about this? Do this instead. Ask when Pete Gaudet took over for Duke because Coach K had such bad, debilitating back injury that he couldn't walk.

Speaker 1 Why then did Vince Carter go on a recruiting trip to Coach K's house and said afterwards he was up and about and he didn't seem like a guy who had a bad back problem?

Speaker 6 That's interesting. That would be a good, I would want to hear the answers to that question.

Speaker 1 I have so many facts. As a sports a little too far for me, but I'll keep thinking.

Speaker 1 Aren't you happy, Hank, that I have found a passion?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 8 I'm worried about your health.

Speaker 6 I am too. No, this is fine because it's all building up for one moment, and then we're either going to get the ultimate crash.

Speaker 8 There's passion, then there's obsession.

Speaker 6 Yeah, well, that's fine. Listen, when Big Cat says, like, someone's renting, like, living rent-free in your house, that's fine.

Speaker 6 It's fine.

Speaker 6 Like, having somebody live rent-free in my head, if they're a famous person, is totally normal because it brings up the property value of the rest of my brain to have somebody like that on my block.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 6 Yeah, LeBron can live rent-free in my brain. That's totally fine.

Speaker 1 I've been roommates with Coach K for the whole month. We've just been hanging out in my brain together.
It's fine. I'm fine with that.

Speaker 1 There was one person who tweeted me that made me a little more nervous when he's like, all this legacy talk with Coach K. Why aren't we talking about your legacy if Coach K wins the championship?

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, shit. Yeah, it does tarnish your legacy.
My legacy is ruined.

Speaker 6 Although, at the same time, it's good to have like something that you can always bring up in perpetuity against Big Cat. If you're ever mad at him about something to be like, don't do this.

Speaker 6 He's the guy that got owned by Coach K

Speaker 1 multiple times.

Speaker 6 To a permanent extent.

Speaker 1 Many times. Yeah.
But

Speaker 1 you're feeling good. This is your first Final Four you're ever covering.
Yeah,

Speaker 12 with a credential. I love it.

Speaker 1 I love it. I'm so excited.
Where do you think you'll be sitting on Saturday night? Way up top? Nosebleeds? Anything but the roof.

Speaker 12 I mean, I'm if even if I'm in the building, that's all I care about.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but

Speaker 1 what if you're not? What if they're like, hey, we got a seat for you? It's actually in this truck and you're going to just watch it.

Speaker 1 that would be

Speaker 12 interesting as long as you get the lander

Speaker 12 you you should do a uh a diet coke review oh you have to walk out with the cops it's only the nca cops collect on that there's a sign in the tunnel all right i want everyone should be following jake this weekend documenting everything because you've got to document it all it's going to be great but i can go on the court pre and post game that'll wow Wow.

Speaker 1 Would be a shame if you tripped someone.

Speaker 1 Someone who's like 75-ish.

Speaker 6 What are the rules about leaving banana peels in front of the coach's box?

Speaker 1 I would like to bring a laser like they did to the soccer players. That was crazy.
Yeah. Those lasers were nuts.

Speaker 6 Yeah. Yeah.
That was, who was it in the NFL? Was it, I want to say the Raiders, and I want to say it was Connor Cook that got lasered in one game?

Speaker 1 Was that the game in Mexico? I think so.

Speaker 6 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's very funny to see someone getting lasered.

Speaker 6 It's always a shock to me that it doesn't happen more often in the United States.

Speaker 7 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 12 Either way, I'll be at Coach K's last ever press conference. Depends if it's Monday night after a win or a lost Saturday or Monday.

Speaker 6 I don't think he's going to do a press conference if he loses.

Speaker 1 I really will.

Speaker 6 I think he's going directly to his car and leaving.

Speaker 12 Last post-game conference, I should say, because I guarantee he's going back to Durham for like an official.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 6 that's where, around the friendly media, it's either people that have been sucking his dick for 30 years or new student journalists that he's too mean to, so they're afraid to to ask him anything.

Speaker 1 I like this PFT. Let's go listen.
I mean get that hate out. Listen, no, everything you said is true.

Speaker 6 I liked Duke in the 90s and then Coach K turned into a real weirdo after that. And I was like, you know what? I'm out.

Speaker 1 I'm out.

Speaker 12 I really don't dislike Duke. I don't dislike Coach K.
There's one person in this building is the reason why I want them to lose this year. And it's not Hank.

Speaker 1 It's Marty. Marty Mush.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Contentious. And I've been open about that.

Speaker 12 It's not like a

Speaker 1 hatred. See, this is good to get the hate out.
Yeah, get the hate out. Like, this is it's hate week.
You know, it's good to have hate.

Speaker 6 Like, Coach K attracts people like Marty Mush. That's the biggest indictment that you can make on

Speaker 6 look at who is look at who Coach K's acolytes are. The real riders of Coach K.

Speaker 1 Yes, just scum. Just scum.
The hate week is great. Billy, what do you hate? Give us something you hate.

Speaker 1 Because I've noticed all week, like I've been, I've been replying to people more on Twitter and like just had, I've been at like a fever pitch all week.

Speaker 1 Someone pointed out to me, I was like, you know what? It is because I'm on high alert. It's not a normal week.
This is World War III and college basketball. Billy?

Speaker 7 Mark Zuckerberg.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's go.

Speaker 13 Jeff Bezos. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There you go. Eat the rich, Billy.
Yes, Billy. Libby football.

Speaker 6 Libby football over there.

Speaker 1 Fucking love it, dude. Put a rose next to your name on Twitter.

Speaker 1 All right, what else we got to talk about? Bruce Arians. That was very expected, so much so that I think we've talked about it many times.

Speaker 6 So there are a lot of people out there that are mostly Bucks fans that are just reading the the press releases and regurgitating what they're hearing, which is, oh, this was just a personal decision by Coach Arians to step away so he could get his guy, Todd Bowles, installed, and they wouldn't have to do a coaching search and fire all the assistant coaches.

Speaker 6 Now, I think what really happened here is people with brains will agree that there was some sort of deal made between Tom Brady and the Glazer family when he went overseas to the soccer game and he told them that he was going to come back and then on the condition that Bruce Arians is no longer, because Bruce Arians is a, I like Bruce Arians.

Speaker 6 I think he's an awesome football guy, and he's a hilarious individual. Yeah.
But, yeah.

Speaker 6 But I also think that Tom Brady, after two years of dealing with Bruce Arians, basically calling him out and blaming him for losses, and Tom Brady being like, wait, I'm Tom Brady.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 6 That is going to get old pretty quickly.

Speaker 1 It's two things can be true at the same time. Bruce Arians is a great guy.
Bruce Arians has done a lot for minority hires, for female hires.

Speaker 1 He's like, very much from everything you read about Bruce Arians, the one time we interviewed him, he cares deeply about his staff.

Speaker 1 He cares about setting everyone up and like the success of the people that work underneath him, unlike maybe a Coach K with Tommy Amikert kind of thing. But Bruce Arians, like that can be true.

Speaker 1 And it can also be true that Tom Brady was like, yeah, I'm coming back, but Bruce Arians can't be my coach anymore.

Speaker 6 Yeah, and people are saying like it's a coincidence. The report that

Speaker 6 I forget the guy's name, it's NFL Stroud.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's a Bucs beat runner.

Speaker 6 He's probably the most plugged-in guy with the Bucs.

Speaker 6 And he was saying that either the day that Tom Brady decided he was coming back or the day after was when Bruce Arians all of a sudden decided that he was also not going to be coming back next year.

Speaker 6 And it's like, wait,

Speaker 6 that's a pretty big coincidence.

Speaker 6 The only thing that I could think of, Hank, and you'll appreciate this, that would be close to that is if maybe like somebody decided or they started dating a supermodel like right after like the day after they broke up with their pregnant girlfriend.

Speaker 6 That would be kind of a similar coincidence.

Speaker 1 For a second there, I was like, wait, is this J-Lo or an Af-like? But I think he's talking about Brady. Yeah.
Allegedly. Hypothetically.

Speaker 6 Like the day after. It's weird that he met Giselle like the second afternoon.
Well,

Speaker 1 you would assume

Speaker 8 what you put forward that, you know, the person who got dumped would hate Tom Brady and would never say anything positive about him or support him, right?

Speaker 6 No, well, it's funny you bring that up because in this situation, Tom Brady showed up to Bruce Arian's retirement press conference, sat in the front row, big smile on his face, put out a great statement talking about how wonderful of a person he is.

Speaker 6 Bruce Arians had nothing but nice things to say about Tom Brady himself, too.

Speaker 8 So, I think it seems like you're a conspiracy theorist. Do you think the slap was fake, too?

Speaker 1 No, I think the slap was very real. Interesting.
I'm just happy that this is happening because when PFT started that joke, I was like, holy fuck, is he coming at? Is he coming at A-Rod?

Speaker 1 And then when I realized, I like,

Speaker 1 I put my sword down and I was like, ooh, I can sit this one out.

Speaker 7 You guys just go for it.

Speaker 6 Now, to be fair, I haven't brought that up in probably like four years. I used to bring it up a lot more often.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 And then, yeah, like Bridget's just been, you know, nothing but supportive of him in the past five years. So it's kind of a tough, tough sell.

Speaker 6 No, it's just interesting. That's all.
But I think anybody out there that's making the argument that this is a coincidence is just delusional.

Speaker 1 Did you see that there's also,

Speaker 1 I read somewhere that, like, Bruce Arians and the Bucks had to clear up one formality at the owners meeting, and that's why it was announced today. It's like, wait, what? No.

Speaker 1 it's, I think it's probably because you wanted to put two or three weeks in between Tom Brady coming back and Bruce Arians retiring. I mean, like I said, we all saw this coming.
We talked about it.

Speaker 1 I don't think, like, Bruce Arians, I don't know if, I don't know what the criteria for Hall of Fame coach is, but he's an all-time coach. And yeah, I...

Speaker 1 I also think that Tom Brady was sick of dealing with him.

Speaker 1 And the Antonio Brown thing definitely plays into it because it's very clear this has happened twice now where Tom Brady has vouched for Antonio Brown, wants Antonio Brown on the team, because guess what?

Speaker 1 Tom Brady's a psycho competitor in the best possible way, and he wants basically like as many, as much help to win a Super Bowl, and Antonio Brown would have helped them win a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 So when that falls out, it's probably like, well, fuck you, dude. Why couldn't you just figure it out with Antonio Brown? He's a really good receiver.

Speaker 6 And I also fully believe that we're never going to hear from Bruce Arians or Tom Brady or the Bucs anything to the contrary of what they've already said, which is like, this is the story that we're going to stick to.

Speaker 6 But I also think that, you know, you can add one and one together and see exactly what's happening.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 6 Also, Todd Bowles coming back. Todd Bowles, my top 10 NFL head coach.

Speaker 1 He might be right away with his team.

Speaker 6 Sometimes you just say things out loud if you have a take, and then you look dumb for a couple years after the fact. But then if you wait long enough, guess what? That take's coming back around.

Speaker 6 If he wins a Super Bowl in his first year with Tom Brown, I don't think any head coach has won a Super Bowl in their first year with Tom Brady ever.

Speaker 1 No, wait.

Speaker 1 Was that the first year? That was the first year. Yeah, that was the first year.
That was definitely the first year.

Speaker 1 Todd Bowles also won.

Speaker 1 Todd Bowles would be the first one. As most recently as could be.

Speaker 6 Todd Bowles would be the first coach in NFL history to win two Super Bowls in their first two years with Tom Brady. Yeah, yes.

Speaker 1 I mean, Todd Bowles is one of those guys.

Speaker 1 It will be fun to see how he does this year because

Speaker 1 it's one of those experiments that we get ever so often where it's like, was it the Jets or was it Todd Bowles?

Speaker 1 Like when we got Sam Darnold going to the Panthers, it was like, was it the Jets or Sam Darnold? Turns out both.

Speaker 6 Yeah, and they're going to keep Byron Leftwich around. Yeah.
And so he was the guy that was calling the plays last year.

Speaker 6 Yes. So I think the Bucs are just going to be back to being good.

Speaker 1 They're going to be really good.

Speaker 1 In the NFC, like

Speaker 1 they now, the craziest part about it is Matt Rule is the longest tenured coach in the NFC South.

Speaker 6 That is crazy. Right.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, it's, and you look at the flaws of the other teams, and then you have Tom Brady and the continuity, it's like, all right, Bucs will be in the playoffs.

Speaker 6 I'm going to miss seeing Bruce Aries on the sideline with his face turning progressively redder as the season goes on. I'm going to miss the strap that he had across his stomach.

Speaker 1 It's good just to say BA.

Speaker 6 BA, yeah, BA was cool. He had awesome hats, good transition lenses.

Speaker 6 He's going to be in the front office now, which I think they're just, I think what the Bucs ended up saying was, All right, Bruce, you can still come to games and it will be an open bar for you.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 1 You could be in the suite with the Glazers and you're good. Yep.
Yeah. Yeah.
And if you want, your parking spot stays there, if you want to come hit the hot tub, whatever, you're good to go.

Speaker 1 Shafter got paid. That's the other news.
He got paid. He's staying at ESPN.
Congratulations. He's lost in the bidding war.

Speaker 6 He's done a tremendous job increasing his own value over the course of the last couple of years. So it would have been weird if Schaefer went to like a gambling company.
Yes.

Speaker 6 And everybody would just completely 100% doubt every report that he put out.

Speaker 1 They'd be so mad all the time, myself included.

Speaker 6 Yeah, and it would be weird for the most powerful information broker in the NFL to also be working for a company that sets lines. You know what? This is a benefit if you're a gambler.

Speaker 6 Because if you work for a company like MGM, then they would adjust the lines before you were able to get a good hit on it.

Speaker 1 So we all actually won in Adam Shepherd's negotiations. Yes.
By the way, PFT, Quigs just texted me. Look how beautiful this is.

Speaker 6 That's very handy. So it's about the size of a debit card.

Speaker 1 Yep, and it's double-sided, and I'm going to tweet it out so everyone can walk around with their Coach K factoids.

Speaker 6 I like that. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just doing something for the people. Anything else before we get to Judd Appetow?

Speaker 6 Leroy reported that Tiger Woods is coming back to playing the Masters. Ah.
He had a hot scoop, hot source.

Speaker 6 He said that he's like 85% sure on it. Okay.
So that's more

Speaker 8 18% from an hour ago.

Speaker 6 That's way, way more sure than he usually is on this type of information. So he is a ghost dog, but he's also a good dog.
So we're rooting for him to be right on this one. All right.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's going to be great if Tiger Woods is playing the Masters.

Speaker 8 How do you boop a ghost?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 6 I think you just...

Speaker 6 I'll buy a Ouija board.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 And just write boop on it.

Speaker 1 Should we bet? Can you ask Leroy if we should bet on

Speaker 6 Tiger Woods? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I will. Okay.
I'll check in with him. I think you kind of have to for the story, right?

Speaker 1 Like, even though the odds are probably, like, it's probably bad odds because everyone bets on Tiger Woods, but I don't. Imagine if you won.
won.

Speaker 6 I think that the PGA tour, golf in particular, is probably the toughest sport to say, like, hashtag PGA rigged. Yeah, because there's a lot that the actual golfers have to do.
There's no referees.

Speaker 1 And we have Max Homa on next Wednesday, so we'll transition quickly from New Orleans to the Masters. Great interview with him.
We already taped it.

Speaker 1 He's going to make the cut. He's going to make the cut.

Speaker 1 All right, so let's get to our interview with Judd Appatel. Before we do that, PFT, you got a quick word from one of our sponsors.

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Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on recurring guest, Judd Appetow, in person. Last time you were on, it was via Zoom.
You have

Speaker 1 all your work from the pandemic out this week.

Speaker 3 It's basically everything is out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So 329, Sicker in the Head, his new book is coming out, and a bunch of new interviews with comedians.

Speaker 1 And I was reading about it, and you know, in-depth interviews with some people that everyone knows, great conversations, and then your new Netflix movie, The Bubble, coming out on April 1st. Yes.

Speaker 1 So everything is out right now.

Speaker 3 And there's more. In May on HBO, is a two-part George Carlin documentary.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you, we could say Judd Appetow's in the news this week.

Speaker 3 Workaholic. Well, I like to get it all done at once because if I spread them,

Speaker 3 I gotta go do all the pressure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right, exactly. I just stack it all up.

Speaker 6 Exactly. It's Judd Week.
Yes. So what's the one, if you were to tell people, what's the correct order to consume everything that you're putting out?

Speaker 6 Is there a beginning, middle, end?

Speaker 3 Interesting. I mean, I think it's a pretty good order because you'd start with the book.
You'd learn about the people who make comedy, their problems, their emotions, their process.

Speaker 3 Then you'd see the bubble. We'd all commiserate about what a nightmare a lot of the lockdowns were, how crazy we all went.

Speaker 3 And then you'd land at the George Carlin documentary as he dissects what is wrong with society.

Speaker 1 And George Carlin is a great person to have a documentary about because every time something happens in the world, George Carlin has a stand-up bit that's like, oh, he predicted this or he's exactly correct about this.

Speaker 3 Sometimes in like 1971.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it is really weird that a man who has been dead for about

Speaker 3 coming on like 14, 15 years, when things happen in the news, he trends worldwide because of just a video where he was the commentator on it and he either predicted it or just captured what was fucked up about.

Speaker 3 It's always perfect.

Speaker 6 I also feel like with Carlin and Orwell, too, it's kind of like this, where anytime something happens,

Speaker 6 no matter what side of the political spectrum you're on, people like cherry-pick things that he says.

Speaker 6 Carlin would have been on my side on this. Right.

Speaker 3 Because he was a free speech absolutist. He thought that less speech was much more dangerous.

Speaker 3 And he also came from an era where you could go to jail for speaking your mind or cursing. He would get fired from clubs and concerts if he spoke out against Vietnam, things like that.

Speaker 3 But he didn't live long enough to see algorithms and

Speaker 3 YouTube and Facebook and the way things get distributed and how people are hypnotized by what's... going into their feed.
And I asked his daughter, Kelly, what would he think about all of that?

Speaker 3 And she said, there's no way to predict it. And whatever it would be, it would blow your mind.
Right. But she's like, there's no way to know what he would make of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't say like, oh, he would have hated this

Speaker 1 definitively because you don't. That's the genius of George Carlin is he has a take that no one else had thought of.

Speaker 3 But he basically was disappointed in people. I mean, that was his thing.

Speaker 3 He was an idealist who became sad that we didn't take better care of each other, didn't take better care of the world, of the planet.

Speaker 3 And he felt like, you know, corporate interests were taking advantage of all of us and wanted us dumb and just dumb enough to help them make money. And that was his general philosophy.

Speaker 1 Okay, so maybe he would have hated it. Maybe we can't say that.

Speaker 1 I think he's been proven to be

Speaker 1 correct about everything. Yes, yes.
So I want to,

Speaker 1 we said it right before we started that we have a problem with King of Staten Island, which we, I love that movie. Yes.
And I don't want him to get blackballed because he didn't ask us to do this.

Speaker 1 Yes. But you cut too many Jimmy Tatro scenes.
He's a good friend of ours.

Speaker 3 We love Jimmy. We love Jimmy.

Speaker 1 Mah, do you?

Speaker 3 Well, here's the thing. You know, when you do a firehouse and you got eight guys in the firehouse, what you're trying to do is give everybody a shot to score.
Right.

Speaker 3 You know, but if you let one person fully dominate, then you get seven large men mad at me.

Speaker 1 Right. Right.

Speaker 3 Right. And so,

Speaker 3 but yes, Jimmy is so hilarious. And it's a favor for us,

Speaker 3 to us, for him to be in the movie. And there's there's definitely moments when you're shooting and you're like, I wish that this movie had a major Jimmy storyline.
Yeah. Because obviously

Speaker 3 he's a big star and should be a bigger one. But that's a frustrating thing for me generally, even in the bubble.

Speaker 3 There's so many incredible actors and actresses, and I think they all have their shots and they score big, but most of them deserve their own movie.

Speaker 1 And that's kind of how I work.

Speaker 3 Like, Jonah Hill has a couple of lines in something like 40-year-old virgin.

Speaker 1 And then we go, I think he should be the lead of the movie right and then we we try to with people figure that out what do you do with all of that footage of because like you know reading about it and obviously watching all your films there's an element of of letting the camera roll and i think you even said fred armison in in the bubble yeah like when he's going you just let it go yeah what ha what happens to it afterwards is there going to be a project at some point where you go through it all and and because i'm sure there's hilarious moments that we never see well like we put together this like five-minute documentary about Fred's character, the director of this dinosaur action movie, you know, who won Sundance with a movie he made while he was working at Home Depot called Tiles of Love.

Speaker 3 And we have all this extra footage of him directing everybody. And so that's online.
You can find that maybe on the Bubble Instagram or something.

Speaker 3 And so we keep making fake documentaries about the Cliff Beast world and about our world making it. And then we'll put up all the deleted scenes somewhere on YouTube or something.

Speaker 3 I mean, Blu-ray's got it. It used to be a fun place to store all of that.
And I don't think that the streamers have decided that they want it there.

Speaker 3 So, unless you're like a Criterion edition Blu-ray, it's a little trickier.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Do you think that the switch that we've kind of been forced into over the last couple of years, watching movies at home, do you think that's something that's going to like that's the new normal that's here to stay?

Speaker 6 Or do you think that something about going to the movie?

Speaker 6 Because I went, what was it i went to go see um house of gucci yeah a couple months ago and you know that's not really a movie that you need to see on the big screen but the experience of being in a movie theater yeah it's something that like you forget how much better it is until you actually go experience it again i feel like we've kind of reached that point now where it's going to take a big event or a big um like blockbuster action movie to get everybody out of their own homes to go to a theater to watch it i just hope that it doesn't continue down this path but it kind of feels like i'm fighting against windmills if I try to get people to go back to the movie theater, you know?

Speaker 3 I don't know what will happen once people are feeling better

Speaker 3 when the pandemic feels really over. Because I remember before the pandemic, there were like big movies like the Tarantino movie and

Speaker 3 maybe it was the Wes Anderson movie before that. They just made a fortune.
They were like really big movies. And people wanted to see a good movie, an original movie.
And so,

Speaker 3 like, I saw Licorice Pizza

Speaker 3 L.A., and I thought in normal times, that would probably be a pretty big movie. I don't know what it did now.
I saw The Batman the other day,

Speaker 3 and that was incredible in a movie theater. And you would hope that just, like, young people go, oh, I love the experience.
Maybe I'll go see a comedy in a theater next.

Speaker 3 And not, I just need to see, you know, crime.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we saw Jackass Forever in the theaters. It was awesome.
Oh, yeah, it's true. That was a lot of fun.

Speaker 3 I got to see that. That's my favorite stuff.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 6 The best. It's awesome.
We always talk about how you could play that type of movie for anybody. Maybe going back to caveman times, but like any culture.
My cat.

Speaker 1 My cat will laugh at it.

Speaker 3 I mean, that's what I go to when I want a hard laugh because a lot of comedy is like emotional or hmm. You know, like you don't really laugh, but you appreciate the joke.

Speaker 3 And, you know, there are only a few things like Sasha Baron Cohen's work or Jackass where you actually lose your shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 6 you can turn your brain off.

Speaker 1 We laugh.

Speaker 6 We did a 2000s comedy draft on one of our our podcasts called The Dog Walk. Obviously, your films took up like 65% of the entire draft board.

Speaker 6 But I took Superbad number one overall in the entire draft. I think that, if I were to ask you, like, out of all your movies, would you agree, like, that is the funniest of all of them?

Speaker 3 I mean, that's right up there. I mean...

Speaker 3 It's tricky because, you know, we work so hard into all of them. But I remember when we showed Superbad for the first time, it was

Speaker 3 in the valley, like in Burbank. And I asked Cameron Crowe if he wants to come to give us notes.

Speaker 3 And it was the first time an audience had ever seen it. And the place exploded.
It was like a Led Zeppelin concert. I mean, it was the hugest reaction.
So that's always right near the top.

Speaker 3 The other one that I think holds up is Will and Adam McKay's movie, Stepbrothers.

Speaker 3 I feel like that one is just aging very well. Every time it's on, you just can't shut it off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I remember when that one came out, people didn't like love it right away. And then it slowly became, oh, this is an incredible movie.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's a movie that gets you through like some rough nights. Yeah.
You know, if you're having a bad night and you play Stepbrothers, it's going to do something.

Speaker 1 It's a stop on your TV movie. It's like Goodfellas, Stepbrothers, Shaw Shank.
If you see it, you just stop and be like, all right, this is what I'm doing for the next couple hours. So

Speaker 1 you're, I mean, your career has been incredible. You're now, what, 30 plus years into it? Has there

Speaker 1 is there is there a point where that sounded terrible yeah that's 30 plus years of incredible work is it harder though as you get older and like you know you're obviously have wealth and you have fame and you're you know life is kind of settled is it harder to find that creative itch like constantly is it harder to be funny when when when everything's more like okay you're not this like 20 year old trying to scratch and claw your way to the top.

Speaker 1 I'm always fascinated by that because it does find

Speaker 1 at some point in someone's career, it's like, all right, I've reached it. What do I do now?

Speaker 3 Well, you could just say, I just want to do nothing, right? Like that could be like if you love leisure, I don't really have a hobby. You know, I don't want to golf.

Speaker 3 I don't do anything that's very time consuming. So I'm always interested in how can you make these movies better? Can they be deeper? Can they be funnier? Like,

Speaker 3 how do you go hard funny? Like with the bubble, it was like, this is like, I don't know, it's like a Melbrook's Tropic Thunder style movie.

Speaker 3 Like, I've never done that tone before. It's a little less emotional and a little nut, more nuts.

Speaker 3 And there's no way to know if it's going to work. Right.
So it always. puts you on your toes because how do you know if a joke's going to work?

Speaker 3 There's no, every joke, like with drama you can kind of tell when people are going to cry like you know when people are going to feel you could do it not the best version but but a joke is a mystery every time so it always keeps me interested and i always think that you can do it better somehow so i just never lose interest in it okay i mean that's a great answer i mean that's kind of I guess you're right.

Speaker 1 Like you get to a point, like if unless you have these hobbies, what else are you going to do? You're just going to try to keep entertaining people.

Speaker 1 Along that line,

Speaker 1 the bubble, like a lot of it,

Speaker 1 or piece of it is the idea that like

Speaker 1 famous people, actors, comedians, they always have to be on for the people and hit that dopamine rush of I made someone laugh.

Speaker 1 During the pandemic, was there anyone, you don't have to say specifically, but that you knew or in your life where it's like, oh, they're kind of falling apart, not being able to like hit that button constantly.

Speaker 3 Oh, to get there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because, I mean, we struggled with it too.
You know, we have sports. We talk about sports most of the time.
There was times where we're like,

Speaker 1 this really sucks. We lost sports.

Speaker 1 We reviewed stupid, you know,

Speaker 1 reality shows.

Speaker 6 So Big Cat created a fictional video game coach

Speaker 6 that would play in games. And he was a college coach named Coach Dougs.
And he would compete and go through full seasons.

Speaker 6 And because people had nothing to do, that was the only sports that they could watch. So it was like, yeah, we've lost our minds.

Speaker 1 We had 150,000 people watching me play a fake national championship game online. We had confetti and cigars and shit.
Yeah, like trying to find that thing of like, what do we do?

Speaker 1 Did you struggle with that? Did you see other people struggling with that? I'm trying to think of like what other people were doing. I mean, I think that

Speaker 3 we're all crazy enough to just start working. I mean, the thing about comedy is you could just take a year to write a script.

Speaker 3 So the world could shut down and you just go in your room and create some fantasy land. I mean, for me, I look at it like, wow, that must have have been a real two-year nervous breakdown if I

Speaker 3 worked on a four-hour documentary, a book of 33 interviews, and a feature film that I made in a year from the moment I thought of it till I handed it in.

Speaker 3 Like that's, yeah, that's like I should seek help.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 But I didn't realize it during it. Yeah.
I just thought, oh, we're making a movie. It's nice to get out of the house.
And yet I'm juggling the other projects and Billy Eichner's gearing up to shoot.

Speaker 1 And you don't realize what you're doing till six months later when it when we're talking about it like that's a lot of stuff over a short period of time I guess I really didn't want to sit in my head and think about life too much and it's also yeah to think about it um in the moment you're not like you just got back to work you found a way to get back to work which yeah i owe that that does did fascinate me with the pandemic because there was that moment where it was like you know month or two months three months into it's like all right so what are we gonna do now all right let's try to figure out a way to get back to work.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And

Speaker 3 I guess I think there was probably a moment in the beginning where I thought I was resting.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 3 You know, for a few months, like, oh, I can shut it all down. This is so nice.
Maybe I'll just interview some people. I'll just interview a few people.

Speaker 3 Maybe I'll just start. outlining this movie.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 you're not in London, like building dinosaurs. Yeah, that's just like what you do.

Speaker 6 Like you can try to stop it, but eventually you'll find your way back there.

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Speaker 6 I was reading a Wikipedia page. That's how I do most of my preparations.

Speaker 1 This is all on there.

Speaker 6 This is probably extremely accurate, but it said that you were

Speaker 6 four tracks on Adam Sandler's 1996 comedy album, What the Hell Happened to Me? Is that accurate?

Speaker 1 That is accurate.

Speaker 3 So I'm part of that. I'm a part of Cock and Balls.

Speaker 3 I'm part of Sex or Jim.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I play the cop in

Speaker 3 one of the

Speaker 3 cop sketches.

Speaker 3 And yeah, I'm on three or four. I think maybe I was one of the writers on the song, Steve Polychronopoulos.
Great tune.

Speaker 3 So that was a funny moment because, you know, Sandler,

Speaker 3 especially at that moment, had so much energy to make stuff. Right.
And he loved being funny, and he loved making stuff.

Speaker 3 So the second there was a pause at SNL, he would just go in the studio and just start making sketches and making songs.

Speaker 3 And he just loved it so much.

Speaker 3 I think he also enjoyed that he could get some of the best musicians in the history of rock and roll to make these epic comedy rock songs like Wadi Wachtell from Stevie Nix and Warren Zivon's band.

Speaker 3 And he's got like John Lennon as a drummer. and

Speaker 3 he really enjoyed it, and there's just so much energy in those records. I think they hold up, and they get crazier as they go on.
Yeah. Like

Speaker 1 the all-songs ones are really funny.

Speaker 3 I mean, the goat opera, come on, people, listen to the goat opera again.

Speaker 6 I mean, that to me growing up, that was one of the

Speaker 6 focal points of me and my friend group was, okay, somebody would get their hands on an Adam Sandler CD, and then we just sit around listening to it. Like,

Speaker 6 that was a very big part of comedy culture back in the mid-90s. I don't see anybody, nobody's really making sketch comedy albums anymore.

Speaker 3 Yeah, not in a while. Norm McDonald made one back in the day, but not a lot of people know about that one.

Speaker 3 Medium Pace. Remember that song? Yeah, that was a real good one.
Yeah, what was the last great sketch comedy album?

Speaker 6 I don't know. Eminem always puts a few sketches in between his tracks.
Yeah, those are hit or miss.

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, maybe that's the next mission.

Speaker 1 That's the next thing. Do you ever worry about how your comedy ages?

Speaker 1 I know that's that's a shitty question, but like we obviously were not you, but we're in the same line of we produce content every day. And then if you're like, oh, what'd you say this five years ago?

Speaker 1 It's like, well, I don't know. It's a different time.

Speaker 3 I mean, for me, I really always thought that it was about immature people. So all the bad behavior in there is very purposeful.

Speaker 3 I'm trying, I mean, like if you watch Knocked Up, they're trying to start an internet site that tells you where all the nude scenes are and all the movies.

Speaker 3 And they think they're geniuses for it, but it's in there because we're trying to show that

Speaker 3 when you're young, you have a few years to be a knucklehead and bounce around with your friends before you try to behave like normal people behave.

Speaker 3 And when he gets Catherine Heigl's character pregnant, it ends instantly. He loses that time of his life.
And so there's a lot of things in it that I don't think are

Speaker 3 good, but they're kind of bad because I want him to need to stop. Right.

Speaker 1 Right. It's kind of showing it.
Yeah. I could see that for sure.

Speaker 6 So

Speaker 6 as you were getting started, I know that you wrote for SNL, things like that. I would assume that most people that get into comedy do so because they want to perform their own comedy.

Speaker 7 And for you, you were a writer.

Speaker 6 You were writing jokes for other people. Is that something that kind of you found yourself going down that path?

Speaker 6 Or is that something that from the get-go, you found yourself being more gravitated to collaborating with others as opposed to making it for yourself?

Speaker 3 Well, I never got on SNL. I always wanted to get on SNL.
I got some bits that I wrote.

Speaker 3 I wrote a monologue for Roseanne and some things with Adam that got on, but I was never there as a writer, which I always dreamed of doing.

Speaker 3 I created the Ben Stiller show with Ben, the sketch show, and that was my

Speaker 3 main sketch thing that I did. But I think early on,

Speaker 3 just because I was such a fan,

Speaker 3 I just knew that I wasn't going to be like Jim Carrey.

Speaker 3 And anyone would feel that way. You know, you'd watch Jim Carrey as a young person go on stage and improvise his entire set and all the stuff he could do physically.

Speaker 3 And his ideas were so bizarre and amazing. And

Speaker 3 I would watch him and think, I don't think I'm going to be able to do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And what am I going to be able to do? Because I can write for that.

Speaker 1 I could help him with that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But I'm never going to be able to do that and then i would see somebody else like sand there i'm like i don't think i'm going to be able to do that either and and there's you know just like in any profession any creative profession some people are just way better than everybody else i mean if you know i just met kenneth brana and you're like yeah there's a reason why he's kenneth brana he's better than everybody else at this thing or denzel washington and that's how i felt as a comedy fan i knew who they who the ones were that were going to break out and i never looked in the mirror and said like and me Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. I think that's awesome, though.

Speaker 6 I think that's, that's, um, like a lot of comedians or a lot of people who are into comedy, like Big Cat was alluding to earlier, they love the dopamine rush.

Speaker 6 They love, you know, making somebody laugh, making somebody like them as they're performing it. But there's other ways that you can get that similar sort of satisfaction.

Speaker 6 And I guess maybe, maybe for you, was it...

Speaker 6 the satisfaction of creating something that brought joy to somebody else and watching them enjoy something that you had you had a hand in making as opposed to delivering yourself?

Speaker 3 I think I had to let go of the idea that I was going to be able to do some of the things that they did as performers.

Speaker 3 And later on, I got to do a Netflix stand-up special and I just hosted the Director's Guild Award. So I get a little taste of being a stand-up comedian,

Speaker 3 more in a Karl Reiner tradition of hosting and things like that, which by the way, I love.

Speaker 3 I get to be funny on stage. I do all these events at Largo.

Speaker 12 But

Speaker 3 I wasn't going to be electric.

Speaker 3 And I did have fun thinking of things for people like Jim Carrey because, you know, I remember I wrote a sketch with him for In Living Color that they did.

Speaker 3 There was like four or five sketches that we wrote together. One was Dickie Peterson Cherub of Justice, which is a little bit of a precursor to the cable guy.

Speaker 3 And it was just like kind of a loser guy who protected a 7-Eleven. And he was just in a 7-Eleven wandering around, protecting it from anyone who might come in and try to steal anything.

Speaker 3 And they did it on the show, and it murdered. Then they did it again.
And so I would have these moments like, wow, I got to write for the best comedian in the world and see what he would do with it.

Speaker 3 There was another sketch where Jim was a self-defense instructor, and he keeps giving a knife to the women in the class and saying, okay,

Speaker 3 I'll show you how to protect yourself. Come at me with a knife.
And they would say, really? And he's like, yeah, come on. You won't be able to do anything.

Speaker 3 And And then every single time they do stab him.

Speaker 3 And it's just a very silly sketch, but Jim is the best performer ever. And yeah, the thrill of seeing that made me realize, oh, I do enjoy that.

Speaker 3 I have, I mean, the fun of watching Fred Armison be funny in the bubble is pretty up there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So Freaks and Geeks, high school drama, you, you know, you create that.

Speaker 1 It's set in 1980s.

Speaker 1 Your daughter now in 2022 that's right is in euphoria yeah that's strange that's a little bit of a change in high school yeah what have you when you watch euphoria you're like is this what it is now well maybe you the euphoria thing was happening in drinks and geeks but the geeks never got to see it yeah they were not invited to those parties it's shock i watched the first i have yet to watch the second season of euphoria i have two young children and i'm i'm like dreading it because i'm like it's going to even be worse in 10 years when they go to high school so yeah i i mean do you see that and you're like whoa, this is times have definitely changed.

Speaker 3 Well, yeah, I mean, it is, it is very different, but I guess on some

Speaker 3 level, if you really broke it down,

Speaker 3 there's elements that are the same.

Speaker 3 You know, I remember that Paul Figo, he said that in high school, there were some kids that really wanted to grow up and be adults, and they were trying to act like adults.

Speaker 3 And then there were other kids

Speaker 3 trying so hard to stay children. And they really were scared to death of everything and loved being little kids.
And that's a lot of what he was writing about. So some of that is the same thing.

Speaker 3 I mean, Euphoria is a lot about like trauma and the trauma of childhood that leads you to make a lot of bad decisions.

Speaker 3 And the second season is pretty incredible because they really, it all builds to an idea that's kind of beautiful and emotional and surprising for how shocking so much of it is. Right.

Speaker 3 That he had a large thought. It almost feels like the two seasons is one

Speaker 3 idea. Yeah, one idea.
But I'm very proud of Maude. I mean,

Speaker 3 she really does some remarkable work in the second season.

Speaker 6 Definitely. Do you think there is such thing as the Judd Apatow cinematic universe? Is there a storyline like seven years from now, are you going to release a film?

Speaker 6 And it's like, this is what I've tied together throughout the last 30 years of my career.

Speaker 3 That's interesting.

Speaker 3 Everyone is in one thing. Well, I love when we do like This Is 40 off of Knocked Up or Get Into the Greek off of Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Speaker 3 Like, anytime we can spin out something, I get a kick out of it. I don't know how many will get into the same thing, but it's worth trying.

Speaker 6 I think that there's like there's enough theories out there on Reddit and just on the internet at large where they've probably already connected the dots for you a little bit.

Speaker 6 It's always funny seeing people do like the fan theories that if you present them to the people that actually created it, they would read and be like, These people are insane.

Speaker 3 Well, it would be fun to try to make a movie where people just keep crossing through like Erica, the woman who worked at the like the quickie mart and super bad that got robbed and just like all right I'm gonna start thinking I never thought about it in this way but now

Speaker 1 I'm thinking about it like the last season of The Wire I remember like there was a big montage when The Wire ended and then you saw that that one cop who had met this stripper season two and they'd show him they've never shown it before he's married to her right and there's a bunch of those that happen yeah it's like the I mean Pixar does that right they put a they put like a little tickler to the next movie coming out Or like if you watch Toy Story, you can see a car in the background that's going to be cars.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. It's mostly people who have too much time on their hands, like just really going through these movies.

Speaker 1 So The Bubble, which again is out April 1st on Netflix, was there any moment while you're filming this?

Speaker 1 Because it's obviously a movie about doing a movie during a pandemic, but you also are literally doing a movie during a pandemic. Was there ever a moment where you got like confused with yourself?

Speaker 1 You're like, wait.

Speaker 3 So this is...

Speaker 1 So it's like mass protocols protocols is a joke but we also have to follow this like yeah the whole thing i think there'd be moments where i just get confused on my own idea i think the main confusion was

Speaker 3 is this funny

Speaker 3 you know like there would be moments where we would be shooting something and it would be about like the stress of being cooped up.

Speaker 3 Like we have two montages where people have to do their two-week quarantines and everyone is losing their mind and we're montaging them falling apart.

Speaker 3 and so it was a lot of improvisations of just people exercising or watching TV or crying or drinking alone or masturbating and and then there just would be a moment where we'd look at each other and go like is this funny or just real?

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is actually like a nice thing.

Speaker 6 I actually tried to fuck that screen in my hotel room last night.

Speaker 1 Shit. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Was there anything that got added to the movie as you were experiencing the actual quarantine where you learned or you had an experience in the bubble and you're like, this is funny enough where we should actually put this part into the movie.

Speaker 3 I mean, in a way, it's the whole movie is that. You know, we would have a conversation about something and then it would go in.
And a lot of it was, is it worth making a movie right now?

Speaker 3 Like, is it worth the risk to have a crew and make a movie? Or is it actually not worth the risk and we shouldn't do it? And then that's what they're saying in the movie. Like, no one needs Cliff B6.

Speaker 3 We already have five of them. And you could say that about the bubble, but we're also making the bubble while making fun of people who think that they need to make a movie.

Speaker 3 And then we would be like, but

Speaker 3 the crew needs work.

Speaker 3 Like you can't shut down everyone's ability to make a living. And the crew's thrilled that we're making a movie.
And we kind of need a job. And I think people need something to watch.

Speaker 3 Although, is that arrogant to think they need this?

Speaker 1 You're doing the

Speaker 1 baddies?

Speaker 1 This is where my confusion.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like, am I an asshole for thinking I need to provide this movie? And then they say that in the movie, they're like, We're, you know, we're very important, we're as important as first responders.

Speaker 3 We're like giving people distractions, we're bringing them joy.

Speaker 1 And then, are like, is that what we think we're doing?

Speaker 3 Yeah, and we kind of do, but we're also saying that we're assholes for thinking it, and then your brain just explodes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yes, yes, so you sum that up perfectly.

Speaker 6 I have a general gripe against Hollywood. This isn't you specific, I don't actually think that you fall into this, but I'm using you as a proxy for Hollywood.

Speaker 6 The entity.

Speaker 6 Why do all movies have to be two and a half hours now? Why can't we just do a 90-minute movie?

Speaker 3 I mean, everybody has lifted up. I personally was always a fan of the 2205 comedy because when you cut to 90, you lose most of the character work.

Speaker 3 So I was like, you know, if people could sit for another 10 minutes,

Speaker 3 you really get a lot out of that 10 minutes, and some people give me a hard time about it, which I don't mind. When I see them on TV, I'm glad I did it.

Speaker 3 But the 235 to 250 thing has really exploded a bit. But I have to say, having just watched The Batman,

Speaker 3 I really enjoyed it.

Speaker 1 It is crazy, though, to see a movie that's like 245, you're like, I don't have the time for this. And then you just watch five episodes of The Office.

Speaker 3 That's what I would always say because people would give me shit.

Speaker 1 Your movies are so long.

Speaker 3 I'm like, and then you'll fucking watch four hours of The Bodyguard or whatever show you're doing.

Speaker 1 What happens every time? You're just like, wait, what did I do?

Speaker 6 Or you just sit on your phone and you watch two and a half hours of TikTok Yeah. In like 30 seconds.
That's actually a good idea for a movie. Just curate TikTok and then put it on a big screen.

Speaker 6 And so everybody sits down. This is where it all ends.

Speaker 1 And guess what? Rob Deerdeck did that already. Who did? No, I'm just kidding.
Rob Deerdeck. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 You just sit in front of a big screen. 30-second clips for two and a half hours.

Speaker 1 That would be good.

Speaker 3 But certainly I've seen movies and I'm like, God, how long is this fucking movie? Thinking I'm in like hour three. And I look and I'm like 38 minutes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, usually it is.

Speaker 3 If you're in a world you love to be

Speaker 3 a lot of times you don't want to leave it. Yeah.

Speaker 6 You know, like Avatar. Have you considered making a movie that's so visually appealing that people leave the theater and want to kill themselves because they don't live inside your world?

Speaker 1 I have thought about it.

Speaker 3 Well, now that I've made some dinosaurs and I understand how it works,

Speaker 3 I finally have done some special effects and some action.

Speaker 1 I did create a world.

Speaker 3 So, and it's so funny because I'm working with all the CGI artists, and they're the same people who make the Jurassic dinosaurs.

Speaker 3 But because we're a joke, they're pitching jokes, and they're so happy to pitch

Speaker 1 jokes.

Speaker 3 And they're all like, What if their balls explode? I'm like, Yes, good, you finally can get that in a movie.

Speaker 6 Yeah, what's that process like if you're working with a CGI person? Like, do you see the initial

Speaker 6 screen of what the dinosaur is going to look like? And you're like, you know what? Could we put, could his, could his testicles be bigger?

Speaker 3 I mean, I cannot tell you the amount of time I spent designing the penis of the dinosaur.

Speaker 3 I may have spent more time on that than writing the script because there's a whole funny joke about what the penis of the dinosaur looks like.

Speaker 3 And we're like, it should look a little bit like it's translucent like a jellyfish, but it glows like an alien. And Fred has a whole monologue about it.
Like, it doesn't look like a normal penis.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 It is maybe the most detailed penis you've ever seen in film history.

Speaker 6 We have actually a consultant, Billy Football, who's really into reptiles and amphibians. If you ever need a guy to tell you how to make different penises, yeah, a different penis, he's your cock guy.

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Speaker 1 We play this with every

Speaker 1 celebrity, athlete, anyone who comes in the studio. We play this game.
It's called When Was the Last Time You Deleted a Tweet?

Speaker 3 Oh, that's funny.

Speaker 1 When was the last time you deleted a tweet, John?

Speaker 3 I deleted one this morning. It was,

Speaker 3 you know, it was about the environment.

Speaker 1 like your

Speaker 3 strategy just ignoring that's the way to go when you got to ignore it because the truth is 20% of everybody hates you at all times correct and then everyone's all you just say anything and then people love to attack even if you say the most simplistic thing in the world like maybe we shouldn't punch Chris Rock

Speaker 1 there's a lot of people who are just like what yeah Next time, just a tip, you should just do our good friend Adam Schafter, you just tweet assault.

Speaker 1 That's what he does whenever he sees assault on a screen. He just just writes it.
It's a salt, period. That's it.

Speaker 3 I mean, the thing about Twitter also is like everything disappears in a day and a half.

Speaker 1 Right. Especially when you delete it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And also, when you delete stuff, like last night, I just like...

Speaker 1 I just also found it funny.

Speaker 3 Like, it was just like a, you just start writing like your jokes

Speaker 1 on what's happening. Yeah, no, it became open mic night on Twitter.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And which is fun to just read, like, okay, what is the joke on this?

Speaker 1 And then at some point, you're like, oh, I've lost my mind.

Speaker 3 I'll just get rid of all these. I mean, I don't need everything to live everywhere all the time.

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 3 But people take things seriously in ways that you don't mean seriously. Other than, you know, I go to award shows.
I'd like to feel like the stage is safe.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, I'd like to feel like we can do jokes.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't it be fun if it was just like, hey, this award show, if you win an award, there's one person who's going to win an award tonight that will get slapped. Well, how about this?

Speaker 3 What if the whole award show is basically the set of Mad Max?

Speaker 1 And it's Thunderdome, and it's all Thunderdome.

Speaker 6 Wait, are you talking about like celebrity deathmatch where all the A-list celebrities? Yes. Yes, I would watch that.
Well,

Speaker 1 next time you come on, I can explain my entire theory that there should be a rule in professional sports that every athlete gets to fight one fan a year because it just keeps everything kind of, you know, like one fan that goes crazy and starts yelling at someone.

Speaker 1 It's like, all right, come out here. I'm fighting you in center court.

Speaker 3 This is the debate

Speaker 3 America is going to have right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Should we fight one fan a year?

Speaker 3 Just like, what are the scenarios where those lines get crossed?

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 6 What you could do with your Twitter, I do this when when I have a take that ages extremely poorly. I just copy Jay Williams' tweet when he claimed that he got hacked.

Speaker 6 So you can just say that you got hacked and say, as it relates to my Will Smith tweet that came from my account a couple hours ago, I did not post that and my passcode has now been changed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, or what I do, whenever my teams lose heartbreaking fashion, I just pretend that I'm selling PS5s online. So

Speaker 1 you feel better? Yeah, no, because everyone's like, oh, he's hacked again. It's like, no, I just tweeted.
Yeah, exactly. But, Judd, this has been awesome.
Thank you for stopping by in person

Speaker 1 again the bubble out on April 1st sicker in the head out March 29th and the George Carlin documentary coming out in a few weeks right yeah and I'll be at the 92y with Rami Youssef this week

Speaker 3 I forgot what day it is Thursday Wednesday Thursday what Thursday Thursday and then we're screening the movie Wednesday at the Paris Theater in New York if you want to see it on a screen with me talking afterwards awesome very cool awesome well thanks so much thanks guys whether I'm hosting game day at my place place or taking my talents to the tailgate, Boarshead is my go-to for a spread that's as exciting as the game itself.

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Speaker 6 To sign up today.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's wrap up. We've got Fire Fest of the Week.
Hey. I got a couple.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 One is a dryer fest.

Speaker 1 Your dryer's broken?

Speaker 8 It is like.

Speaker 8 I have to do two cycles of drying.

Speaker 1 Do you remember to clean out the lint filter? Yes. Are you sure? I thought I did.

Speaker 8 I did this. I cleaned it out.
It was really like there was a lot in there. And I'm like, oh, I fixed it.

Speaker 6 Did not fix it. Have you tried unplugging it and then plugging it back in?

Speaker 8 It's kind of in like a closet where you can't, like, I don't even know how I would go about doing that.

Speaker 1 What about

Speaker 1 where the air goes out? That's probably full of lint, too.

Speaker 8 I got to look back into it.

Speaker 8 It's an issue because, you know, usually in like three hours, you can do multiple loads of laundry, but it's like I can just do one load of laundry in three hours, and then I'm always behind in my laundry.

Speaker 8 So that's my dryer fest.

Speaker 8 And then my other fire fest was...

Speaker 6 Wait, sir, are your clothes wet right now?

Speaker 8 No, I just have to, like, it just takes, it takes a long time.

Speaker 6 You've got anything. You've been looking damp recently.
Yeah, you've really damped, like, kind of moist.

Speaker 1 Hank's been coming down to

Speaker 1 the content floor and just has like a smile on his face.

Speaker 1 Get the fucking stuff.

Speaker 8 I know Big Cat just looks over me and then just like...

Speaker 1 In 1997,

Speaker 1 do you remember that?

Speaker 6 I went upstairs last Friday to talk to Hank, and I asked people upstairs, I was like, Where does Hank work? And people were like, Hank works upstairs now? They didn't know.

Speaker 6 And so I walked around trying to find somebody that knew. And I had to have somebody escort me to the other side of the entire floor because Hank has his own wing upstairs.

Speaker 1 What? I don't have my wing.

Speaker 8 No, Hank. I just put my desk where there was no one else because it's quiet.

Speaker 6 Hank has probably 30 desks for himself.

Speaker 1 It's me and Riga. Good luck.
Damn.

Speaker 8 Anyway, I decided, I saw that laser tweet, and not really thinking about it, I said that soccer is a joke. Like, the fact that

Speaker 8 your spot at the World Cup is determined by a fucking penalty kick with laser beams getting shot in your face is a joke.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 I didn't really think about it. It was just a fact.
And then, like, I just can't go on Twitter.

Speaker 6 Oh, the soccer beams.

Speaker 8 I don't mute notifications. I had to mute the notifications.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 It was absurd. Like, the discourse going on was too much.

Speaker 1 Well, Hank, there's no argument. It's a joke.

Speaker 6 But that same thing happened to the other country when they were playing in a game.

Speaker 1 That's a joke, too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The sport is a joke.

Speaker 6 It's not a joke.

Speaker 1 The sport is a good job. Imagine

Speaker 8 to go to the World Cup or the NHL finals, it was penalty kicks, and also there was

Speaker 8 banana peels on the ice.

Speaker 6 That would be kind of funny. That would be very funny.
Yeah,

Speaker 6 the NHL should implement that. Yeah, it's like

Speaker 8 Savannah Bananas.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 No, your soccer is Savannah bananas. I mean, the entire sport.

Speaker 6 But counterpoint, you're 12 yards away. You should be able to make a penalty kick, even if they're laser.
You You should do that with your eyes closed.

Speaker 1 You should have seen

Speaker 8 the dude. Yeah, and people are like, you don't know what that does to your cornucopia and like all this shit.

Speaker 8 Cornucopia. Whatever.
Cornea.

Speaker 1 But how about the lads?

Speaker 6 Are you at least a little bit excited about the lads?

Speaker 8 I was rooting for 5-0.

Speaker 6 Well, that wouldn't have done anything in 100-09.

Speaker 8 6-6, whatever.

Speaker 6 Yeah, well, it's coming home.

Speaker 1 Make it out of pool play, and I'll watch. We do make it out of pool play frequently.

Speaker 6 We just always lose to Ghana.

Speaker 1 I just wish it was on during the summer. I like the World Cup in the summer.
I get into the World Cup in the summer. The fact that it's in the fall is like, come on, man.

Speaker 6 If you just say it's coming home enough, it becomes more exciting.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 All right, your Fire Fest PFT.

Speaker 6 So my Fire Fest of the week, I actually just found out about maybe two minutes before we started taping part of my take. And I'm a little bit concerned about it.

Speaker 6 So we are getting on a flight, and I'm boarding the flight in about five hours, five and a half hours from now.

Speaker 1 What's going on?

Speaker 6 My ID is expired.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's

Speaker 1 I thought

Speaker 1 I also thought it it was like weather-related. We all were going to die.
Just you have a problem? That's fine.

Speaker 6 Yeah, no, it's me. Well, it's my fireface.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 7 And you're fine.

Speaker 6 Also, my passport is expired.

Speaker 6 Okay, but I'm not even. So the flight is one thing because I have clear.
It's TSA pre-check on steroids.

Speaker 6 And I'm more concerned about the fact that once I get to New Orleans, I won't be able to get into certain establishments because I've expired identification.

Speaker 9 Mine's been expired for like six months.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think

Speaker 6 actually, you know what? It's New Orleans. That's probably the one so you don't need to even be alive to get put into bars down there.

Speaker 1 I've gone onto Instagram. Yeah, I've gone on to.
You can get into the airport without an ID, period. Yeah.
You just

Speaker 1 go through your whole life.

Speaker 8 That was me in Nashville.

Speaker 1 That was me in Minneapolis when I found Bubba asleep in a sauna.

Speaker 8 Mine was in Vegas, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 they just ask you 10 billion questions and pat you down and look through all your luggage.

Speaker 8 Yeah, about like old relatives of yours and shit. Like shit that you never know.

Speaker 6 But you guys don't think it'll be a problem to get into bars in New Orleans?

Speaker 1 No. No.
Okay, good. No.
No. All right.
Cool.

Speaker 1 All right. Firefest over.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 That's the fastest fire fest of all time.

Speaker 1 My fire fest is pretty simple. It's just a pre-fire fest.
I really don't know what I'm going to do when Duke wins on Saturday night. Hank is, he is insufferably smug.

Speaker 1 And people who be like, I can't remember who I was talking to. Someone's like, I'm surprised Hank, oh, I think it was Roan.

Speaker 1 He was like, I'm surprised Hank didn't didn't shove it in your face after the Texas Tech game.

Speaker 1 I was like, Hank knows by now that he can just sit in the room with a smile, a little smile on his face, and it will drive me 10 billion times angrier than if he just like yelled in my face.

Speaker 8 This one's also a lot easier because, like you said, you're not even gambling it because it's emotional. Like the game of the year, I know that that's like

Speaker 8 it's partially losing, but it's also like you lost money, so it's tough to be like, ha ha ha. This will just be, you know, pure laughs, yeah, pure joy.

Speaker 1 It'd be a shame if the CLP loses. Duke is in it.

Speaker 8 Yeah, but that's just witchcraft for me.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 it can't lose. It literally can't lose.
It's in the name. It would be a shame.

Speaker 1 It would be a shame if

Speaker 8 Kansas was the reason it lost.

Speaker 6 Yeah, that would actually really suck. The worst possible situation is if Duke wins in the semifinals and then loses in the national championship.

Speaker 6 Because you said the worst, for me, worst possible situation. No, I'm just saying, I don't, for the podcast in general, because then

Speaker 6 we get kind of the joy of Coach K losing a little bit. Right.

Speaker 6 But also Hank so that's because Duke doesn't win, but it's not like a full celebration. Oh, no, I'd take it.

Speaker 1 No, I'd fully celebrate.

Speaker 6 I would just be, I would be tickled pink if Coach K lost to UNC.

Speaker 1 It's the biggest college basketball game since Magic Bird and also Gonzaga Baylor,

Speaker 1 as told to us by Rico Bosco. Billy, you're firefast.

Speaker 13 So I was trying to catch a train, and when you get to the station, you see how long it takes before the train leaves. I had a good old zero minutes till it left.

Speaker 13 So I had to like get through the turnstile. It was all going to plan.

Speaker 13 Get down the stairs. They were like giving out the doors are now closing.
Full sended into closing doors.

Speaker 13 Get in. Foot gets caught in the door.

Speaker 6 Face plant kind of.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 13 But honestly, I don't like to think of things negatively. I fucking made that train because the next one was in 36 minutes.
I would have been late.

Speaker 13 So

Speaker 13 that was a pretty awesome move, but I did just like fall in front of a lot of people.

Speaker 6 This would be what, like your third time unintentionally ending up on Subway Creatures?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 13 We don't talk about that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 The funniest thing that people ever do to us is send us pictures, like screenshots of pictures of Billy that are on other popular Instagram accounts where they don't know that it's Billy doing it.

Speaker 1 It's the best. You're all over the place.
I thought you were going to say you ended up getting on the wrong train.

Speaker 1 I've done that where I've just like hauled ass, hopped on, and then looked up and been like, whoops, wrong train. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 13 But it was, it was a positive in the end.

Speaker 6 Yeah. You made the train.

Speaker 1 You made the train. You made the train.
All right, Jake.

Speaker 12 One is happening to me right now. I'm trying to print these little things for you, and I'm having issues.
What?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, no, memes say he's going to print it.
What's that?

Speaker 12 Yeah, I'm talking to memes.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, he's having issues?

Speaker 12 He asked me to do it because I have a connection to the printer, but fuck. Having issue with this double-sided thing.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 6 I'm going to keep trying, but how How many do you need to print up?

Speaker 1 I just wanted to print them for us, but I want also the people. I'm going to tweet out the link so that people can have it.

Speaker 1 I mean, at the worst case scenario, we can just make them ourselves with our handwriting.

Speaker 12 I'm going to ask memes to pick them up.

Speaker 1 Okay. Bring them in.
Or take them to kick it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. God damn it.
I hope this works. My plan.
This would really.

Speaker 1 I got to use everything I got. I have everything I got going against me.

Speaker 12 And then also...

Speaker 12 Back-to-back meals the last two days. They just forgot my meat on my salad.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah. You've been meatless?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 I walked into me and Jake went together to get salads the other day, and he walked in like the king of the cast.

Speaker 1 Yo, they know him. Yeah, it's like shears.

Speaker 8 There was a line, there was a line out the door, and Jake just bypasses them, and the worker who's in the middle of making a salad just like turns around, grabs his food, and it's like, here you go.

Speaker 8 Yeah. And I was just like, what? No words spoken.
You ever make small talks?

Speaker 1 I said thank you.

Speaker 6 Yeah. Yeah.
You ever like chat them up or is it just that they're not?

Speaker 12 No, they're very busy. So I just say, hey, thank you.
That's a good one.

Speaker 12 See you tomorrow.

Speaker 6 But no meat. So how much do they really like you?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but it's okay.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I guess so.

Speaker 12 They're good to me.

Speaker 1 If anyone gets this right, this number right, they get to declare who's going to win the title. And

Speaker 1 it will be right. 91.

Speaker 6 22. 25.

Speaker 9 95.

Speaker 13 I want to switch from 69, but if 69 hits, I'd never forgive myself.

Speaker 6 Just say 69. 69.

Speaker 8 No one's going for the three in a row.

Speaker 3 What was that? 72?

Speaker 1 Or 76.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 24. Damn.

Speaker 7 It's a great number. Close.

Speaker 1 As the person who was the closest. Oh, I had 25.

Speaker 1 Shit.

Speaker 1 So you decide.

Speaker 12 Do we want a Jinx?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 No, it doesn't.

Speaker 1 What's your bracket say, Jake?

Speaker 8 What's your bracket say?

Speaker 6 Jake, you do it. What's your bracket say? Don't be worried about what Big Cat's going to do.

Speaker 1 And don't be worried about what Hank's doing. You have both of them.
This is you. What you've said is you.

Speaker 6 Jake, decide. Three.

Speaker 1 What do you think about your brackets? Two. One.
Duke's the winning. Let's go.
Oh,

Speaker 1 you fucking asshole. Jake, that's your boss.
Damn it. You know what you just did?

Speaker 1 You know what you did. I've been wrong before.

Speaker 7 Do you know what you've done? Ma'am?

Speaker 1 Why? This is your fault now.

Speaker 1 It's your fault. Well, that's a lose.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, it is your fault.

Speaker 1 It is 100% your fault so much. If I said

Speaker 1 UNC,

Speaker 1 the mob comes after me saying you jinxed it, if I say Duke,

Speaker 1 Jake,

Speaker 1 very cool.

Speaker 1 You know what? Coach K should let you cut down the nets with him on Monday because you have just as much a part of it as Paolo Banchero. Very cool.

Speaker 12 I mean

Speaker 1 brutal, man. Jake.

Speaker 1 We're ending the college basketball season the same way we started it. Yeah.
Just letting me down.

Speaker 6 You know that what you've done is you've just highlighted yourself as the main scapegoat.

Speaker 1 It'll be a shame if I'm wrong.

Speaker 1 Would be. You're not gonna be wrong.
I know. You have superpowers.

Speaker 1 You don't even believe it. You don't even believe it.
That's our show. We'll see everyone on Sunday night.

Speaker 6 Love you guys.

Speaker 13 Ben Franklin originally wanted the turkey to be the bird of America as opposed to the bald eagle.

Speaker 6 You know who the real turkey is?

Speaker 1 Obama. Listen to this track of bitches.
Talking away.

Speaker 1 Today's a lot of days to find you

Speaker 1 Shy it away

Speaker 1 No, often coming for your love Okay

Speaker 1 Shy it away

Speaker 1 No, I've been coming for your love Okay

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 and enjoy

Speaker 1 the sentence,

Speaker 1 but I'll be

Speaker 1 stone

Speaker 1 away

Speaker 1 Telling

Speaker 1 life it's okay,

Speaker 1 Say after me

Speaker 1 It's the better to be safe and sorry

Speaker 1 Say after me

Speaker 1 It's the better to be safe and sorry

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 and a day I do.