NFL Week 4, Fastest 2 Minutes And Urban Meyer Got His Swag Back

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On today's part of my take, week four of the NFL. We have the fastest two minutes.
We recap every single game. Hank, I have to touch the mic because I have to get a little higher.
Sorry about that. We talk about Brady Belichick.
Every single game recapped. Who's back of the week? Football guy of the week.
It's a Monday show. It's a packed show.
As we progress through the season, every fan knows that big wins are hard to come by and tough losses are even harder to accept. But you know what isn't hard to accept? Discover.

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Buy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence and then a lot of work to be done. No place to hang out or wash in and then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher It's part of my take presented by Bursville Sports Welcome to part of my take presented by Dave and Buster's.
Get more ding, ding, ding at Dave and Buster's All Fall Long. Today is Monday, October 4th, week four.
What? What? What? We start in Dallas where Chubba L. Ron Hubbard took over for Christianity McCaffrey and the Carolinaontology Panthers were trying to level up to 4-0.
Trayvon Riggs got his eyes fixed, intercepting everything, and Dak Prescott had four plays resulting in touchdowns as the star in Dallas is hotter than the sun. The fucking sun.
The mojo moment came from the Cowboys' Gregory. Do I make you Randy, baby? Yeah, do I.
How about them Cowboys, 36? Panthers, 28? What? What? Up to Minnesota where Hut 1, Hut 2, Hut 3, Hut Old Dirty Browns alive with Nick Chubb Odell Inspectorham, and the Poo-Tang Clan unloaded all 36 chambers. And in a touching tribute to his former boss, Michael Kennedy Zimmer, Kevin Stefanski'd his team to a 3-1 record.
Jamie was gillin' him softly with his song, as the Browns and their team of refugee all-stars win a putt 14-7. Let me take you down, because I'm going to Justin Strawberry Fields.
Matt Nagy's a heel. Lions have nothing to have fun about.
Justin Strawberry Fields forever. Darnell must be the moon.
He caught five balls for 125 yards, and normally Dan Olytics would say to kick a field goal down 10 late in the fourth. But did you hear about this one? Did you see this? Dan Campbell is apparently more allergic to three-pointers than Ben Simmons.
Like your basketball player, Boom. Please tip your waitress on the way out.
The Bears get to 2-2, taking down the Lions 24-14. Up to Buffalo where tight end Dawson Knocked up the end zone twice

With an Please tip your waitress on the way out. The Bears get to 2-2, taking down the Lions 24-14.
Up to Buffalo, where tight end Dawson knocked up the end zone twice with an athletic apatow tap to stay in bounds. As the Bills said, this is 40 to the super bad Texans.
Davis, can you pay my meals? Might not be Houston's justice child, as he wasn't able to make lemonade out of lemons. I'm a Mitch.
I'm a lover. I'm MVP.
Ask your mother. I love to kiss titties.
I do not feel ashamed. And no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.
Bills 40. Texans, zip.
Down to Atlanta, where Lawrence Taylor Heineke and Crack Del Rio look to pick up the pipe and murder some Falcons.

Matt saving Private Ryan and Felipe Tom Franks were fighting World War Coup, trying to storm the football team's Norman defense.

If you've got cable, it might be time to cut the quarter all Patterson and sign up for Sling TV using code Barstool for one month free trial and incredible shows such as Brandon Walker College Football Show featuring Brandon Walker presented by Brandon Walker. We swear he's not a narcissist.
The Washington football team wins a thriller 34-30. In Los Angeles where James Sarah Connor had Terminator 2 touchdowns as HBO Max Williams and the Cardinals look like a succession plan for the top of the NFC West, shivving the Rams' defense to the tune of 216 yards on the ground.
Arizona is laughing on their way to a victory with Blue Kyler Comedy Tour saying, they call me Prater Salad. Cooper Red Solo Cup and Frat Stafford were unable to connect enough to win this case race.
Cardinals, 37. The Rams, 20.
Some spread. In New York, Corey, only Jesus can Dave us as Zach Wilson proved that he was more man than the Titans can handle.
Big Girls Don't Cry and Tannehill was singing soprano as the many saints in Newark, AJ and Julio, weren't showing up at the Meadowlands. Bobby Baxala finally brought the victory train home as the Jets didn't stop believing.
That's not a spoiler, folks. 27-24.
Cut to black, boom. Up the coast to Santa Clara where the Seahawks told their fans, I never meant to cause you any sorrow.
Dancing in the Freddie Purple Swain. And the Prince Kyle Shanahan had his kiddle red juice shack.
But he was forced to make his darling tricky play quarterback, Trey Lance the starter in the second half. Placebo Samuel made Niners fans feel good as they were dying inside.
As the Seahawks dominate the second half and win 28-21. Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston down in Nola, such a fine sight to see.
It's a judge, my lord, on the verge of 0-4, and a teeny tiny hands QB. Come on, Saquon, you gotta break one.
If you lose, your judge has last. You'll have to take one.
Giants stopped the Saints in overtime, 27-21. And we finish in Mile High, where Lamar 2D2 matched up against Drew Stylacher, and they faced off in a rematch of the 2013 AFC Divisional game

that felt like it took place in a galaxy far, far away.

Marquise Millie Bobby Brown and the Ravens' defense were saying Patrick Yas, Queen.

Denver's receiving core played well, but there's Cortland Sutton about Murray.

Latavius, that is.

Offensive coordinator Greg Roman Swipes didn't need any help with delay of games this week as the Ravens beat the Broncos 23-7. When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age.
Visit AHS.com slash listen for 20% off any plan. See AHS.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions.
Okay, week four in the books. We just watched the Goat Bowl, Brady versus Belichick in a rainy, rainy Foxborough.
Let's put aside our hatred for Antonio Brown right now. Clown Antonio Brown.
Clown Antonio Brown dropping those two touchdowns because no one wants to hear us talk about a missed parlay. But let's talk about the game.
Let's talk about the game. Hank, I mean, it's your game.
You were emotional beforehand. It was an emotional setting.
What did you think about the game? I was emotional beforehand. Once the game started, though, I kind of immediately got over the Brady aspect.
I was like, let's just win this game. I was just rooting.
You Schwartzy did. Yeah, I was rooting against them the entire time.
And the Patriots played a good game. They had a good game plan.
They did what they had to do. They were in a position to almost win at the end.
I don't... I don't really second...
I don't know. You you were about to say I don't second guess Belichick but no I'm not I don't it's one of those things where if it went in no one would say anything he had the distance he had the distance he doinked it he doinked the shit out of it it was his career long 56 it would have tied his career long what was it fourth and three fourth and three fourth and three so Belichick I guess he was thinking Brady was inside Belichick's head.
He's like, I don't want to, you know, I don't, I guess he wasn't inside though. The more I think about it, because if he had made the field goal, then Tom Brady has, what, a minute left? It was like 45 seconds.
To get down into field goal range? Yeah. No, I mean, think about it this way.
He was like, what were they? A foot, a couple inches away from winning the game? If they went for it on fourth and three and missed it, they'd be 60 yards away from winning the game. So I feel like obviously you can second guess it and be like, and I guess you could have said it at the time that it's a monsoon and it's going to be his career long.
Whenever those kicks happen, as long as the kicker has the distance, I'm

like, that's a fine choice.

Because that's pretty much what you're asking.

It's like, you know that accuracy at 56 in a monsoon is kind of a toss up.

It's do you have the distance?

He clearly had the distance.

So I don't know.

I mean, doinks happen.

I'm living proof of it.

It was actually a great kick.

Yeah.

Really good kick.

Yeah.

Just didn't happen to go in. One of the best kicks that never went in.
Exactly. I mean, if it's, what, two feet to the right, we're talking about Nick Folk being, like, one of the all-time great kicks in NFL history under pressure.
Yeah. Shout out to Schwartzy, though.
Yeah, Schwartzy. I have the full quote from Schwartzy.
You give it to us. Because I do think that Schwartzy's quote, she's from Ashland, Massachusetts.
She? I believe so. Okay.
Schwartzy is from Ashland, Massachusetts. There you go.
I'll cheer for him. This is about Tom Brady.
I'll cheer for him when he comes out, but after that, nah, I want some sacks. I want to see our frigging linebackers just pummel him and finish him.
So Schwartzy actually summed up the pulse of the New England fan base pretty accurately before the game. Everyone seemed like they were on the same page.
They cheered Brady when he came out, when they played the pregame video, which they did have lined up for him. But then when he came out to actually step in between those lines, the Patriots fans were like, boo, you're not a Patriot anymore.
We're going to boo you. And it does, like, it quickly, obviously the lead up all week and all the stories and everyone talking about it was big in the hype.
But then once the game starts, like the Patriots need to win very badly. Right.
Like the Bucs are still trying to win another Super Bowl. Like this is a tough road game.
I did think Brady was uncharacteristically, can't speak, it's already past midnight, like overhyped. He was overthrowing his receivers early.
It was clear that he, I don't know, like you don't see that usually. You don't see, Tom Brady is the definition of calm, cool, collected.
It did feel like he was maybe a little too hyped up for the game because he did miss a lot of guys in the first half, but it just became a sloppy game that grinded out.

Fun fact about this game, Tom Brady

actually had the third highest quarterback

rating of everyone

that threw a pass in this game. Got it.
Jacoby Myers

was number one, Mac Jones number two.

Mac Jones, by the way, played remarkably

well for somebody who had

his balls in Chris Collinsworth's mouth

during the broadcast. I think

it's so, in Chris Collinsworth's defense,

I think he, Mac Jones,

Chris Collinsworth, and Matt Nagy all share

and balls in Chris Collinsworth's mouth during the broadcast. I think that Chris, I think it's so, in Chris Collinsworth's defense,

I think he, Mac Jones, Chris Collinsworth, and Matt Nagy all share an agent. Or a parent.

That makes sense.

I say the real MVP of this game, Steve Belichick.

Yes.

Steve Belichick, the faces he was making on the sidelines,

it went back and forth between it looked like he was taking a shit

or he was like watching two girls one cup on silent while his dad was in the next room. Let's just say that Steve Belichick's wife is a lucky woman.
She is. He spends a lot of time down in Boca Raton.
Yeah, he's got some lingus abilities. The cunnilingus kind.
It was incredible. We were hypothesizing while we were watching the game.
Is he sending signals via tongue? Yeah, when the tongue goes horizontally, that means option to a run. When it goes vertically, that means pass.
Yeah, because they cut the mic, so he's just got to sit there and just do the tongue back and forth. When he sticks his tongue out and goes back and forth, that means they're loading the box.
Yeah, yeah. So that was definitely the gif of the game.
I mean, it's incredible watching him play. Steve Belichick honestly looks cool as shit.
Yeah, no, he's a cool guy. You can't sit there and look at Steve Belichick and be like, that guy's not cool.
He's got a mullet. Yeah, he's got a mullet.
And I would like to make a future projection for Steve Belichick's career. He's going to go somewhere and fail miserably the first time, and then he's going to be a great head coach afterwards.
Oh, yeah. Because he's going to come in being like being like i'm steve belichick and this is how we're going to do it we're going to do it the patriot way everyone's like dude you coach the texans yeah like what are you talking about i'll put it this way like his whole vibe there are probably a dozen girls out there that have slept with steve belichick that don't count him towards their total number yeah when they're sharing that they just write him off.
He's a big one-night stand guy. I will say this.
I will say this, Hank. I do think the Patriots are going to round into form.
Now, the AFC East, the Bills are clearly the best team in the AFC East, but I do think the Patriots are going to be one of those teams where halfway through the season, everyone will be like, wait, this team, why are they getting points on the road? Why are people doubting? They're going to flip a switch, and everything's going to start kind of working a little bit. You saw the makings of it tonight.
Yeah, it was definitely a step in the right direction. Last week after the Saints, I was saying there was no real hope.
There was nothing to take away from it. Oh, there were some good drives, whatever.
It was just all bad. This was all things considered a great game.
Just missed a kick at the end. Yeah, missed a kick at the end.
And also credit to the Bucs defense. I thought the Bucs defense played pretty well overall.
No, it's a good defense. I mean, they don't have any cornerbacks.
I don't know why their cornerback is out in punt return, but they don't have any cornerbacks. But I think the Patriots had minus one yard rushing.
Yeah. And you know the Patriots want to run the ball, and they just, I mean, Vita Vey is a fucking monster.

What's his full name, Jake?

Yeah, his Vita Vey has got fucked on that fumbled punt.

Devin White just exists to body slam people.

Just anyone that comes within two feet of Devin White, they're getting body slammed somehow. Yeah, you know what the Bucs are?

They're a team that, similar to like 10 years ago, the Ravens and Steelers,

their front seven is just going to be physical with you the entire time.

And you're going to get hit hard.

And now you're going to be physical with you the entire time. And you're going to get hit hard.
And I guess the secondary will be the weakness. And Richard Sherman, I don't know.
I mean, he held up good enough for a guy who just came off the street on Wednesday. He's playing himself back into shape right now.
Yeah, he's working himself back into shape. Jake, give it to us.
Tevita, Tui, ah. All right, forget it.
Moments pass. No more Diet Coke for you, Jake.
Tevita, Tui, Aki, Ono, Tui, Pelotu, Mosis, Vahe, Fahoko, Faletau, Vea. There we go.
Also, just throwing it out there, it is remarkable how much of a difference, this is not like a stunning thing to say, but just how much of a difference Gronk makes. Because you could feel it when the, I almost said the Patriots, by the way, we should actually talk about that moment for real quick.
When they started the pregame, right before kickoff, they showed Tom Brady coming out of the home locker room from like 2019, and Hank actually thought for a brief second that Tom Brady had decided to switch back to the Patriots. He was like, wait, what? Tom was playing a trick on us the whole time.
Hank was like, I knew it. I knew he couldn't possibly be a Buccaneer.
He basically was like, as soon as he got back to Foxborough, he was like, I really miss this place, signed a new contract with the Patriots, and totally changed everything. You did have that moment.
Well, the way they presented it, there was no choice. It was really sad to watch.
I just kind of had to alert myself. I was like, what's going on? And then it passed.
We should. You know what? We should do what the NFL refused to do tonight.
We should take time to give Tom Brady his flowers. Tom Brady got the all-time yardage record.
Oh, yeah. Tonight he surpassed Drew Brees.
Drew Brees got an 8x11.5 piece of paper that was laminated, I believe, to commemorate the event when he did it in New Orleans. And he ignored his daughter.
He ignored his daughter. Tom Brady did not get the opportunity.
To ignore his daughter. Drew Brees' daughter.
That would have been great. Yeah, to just cold shoulder.
Drew Brees' sons go out there and hand him the award. We should take time to acknowledge Tom Brady.
No one else will, but Tom Brady, you are the greatest quarterback of all time. Billy, can you make, you have a paper plate right there.
Can you write congratulations to Tom Brady, NFL all-time yardage leader? I can't do that. But the Buccaneers were in no huddle during when he broke the record.
So then when the ref stopped, Brady got pissed. Actually kind of shows that he's more of a pro than Drew Brees.
Drew Brees made it all about himself. He did.
So he just grabbed the ball and fired it at an equipment manager to get it off the field so he could get a new ball. Oh, nice.
Wait, so you're telling me Tom Brady took the ball and then got rid of it real quick so they couldn't send that ball to Canton and possibly test it? Kind of. Got it.
Drew Brees also, I don't want to diagnose a guy who's retired, but he was kind of flexing his right hand, so I think his shoulders still hurt. Or his rib.
It did look like he was uncomfortable.

He still needs shoulder surgery.

The NFL also has a flag problem.

I think we need to discuss this.

They have a real flag problem.

It's every time anything cool happens during a game, there's a flag that pops up, and that cool thing that we all just saw, that we all enjoyed watching, turns out that didn't actually

happen.

It's the pendulum that's swinging, because last year there were so many fewer flags, and I think they did it because they were like, we just want football to happen. We want points to be scored.
We want people to forget about coronavirus. Now it's swung back, and it's flag, flag, flag every single play.
I mean, we watched, you know, when you watch the entire slate of football games, that, like, we'll get to it, but that, like, Vikings drive, there was just flags everywhere. Like, every single, you basically now at this point as a football fan, you have to watch the game, and then you have to hold your breath for five seconds after every big play.
It's the worst part after every play. It's like, I don't know if that happened yet.
I need confirmation. I need the absence of a flag to tell me that what I saw really exists.
Or the opposite, when something bad happens and you're like, but where's the flag? Yeah. Right.
It gives so much false hope. But I think who it affects the most, well, one, offensive linemen are getting called for a lot of holds.
Two, it's just impossible to play cornerback in this league. Anytime you touch somebody.
Yeah, you're not allowed to touch anybody. And playing cornerback has got to be the toughest job on a football field.
I'm not talking about necessarily the physical, getting beat up all the time. I'm saying skill-wise and what you're allowed to do in order to be good at your job, it's impossible.
It's like if you're a personal injury lawyer and you can't do coke. It's impossible to be a good cornerback in the NFL.
It makes guys like Trayvon Diggs and what he's doing look incredible all right so actually it's a perfect segue to Washington football team Falcons first game up uh that roughing the passer call that Chase Young got on Matt Ryan was I mean Matt I think it was just a sympathy call because Matt Ryan like crumpled his body crumpled it was it was almost like the Kill Bill when you get the shot in the heart, and then five seconds later you die. He got hit in the face, and then he was fine, and then he just crumpled.
Okay, so what happened was he actually got hit in the chest and shoulder. Yes.
It didn't hit his face at all, but Matt Ryan, at this point in his career, if you hit him hard, his body's going to react like that and just shut down temporarily. Chase Young didn't touch his head.
This is, I think, the third or fourth time this year that Chase Young has been flagged for hitting a quarterback and not apologizing to them on the way down. So, I have a theory, and I looked it up.
I think that the quarterbacks that get the roughing the passer calls, it's just purely sympathy we feel bad for this guy. Because I looked it up.
The top three most roughing the passer calls it's just purely sympathy we feel bad for this guy because i looked it up the top three most uh roughing the passer calls against in the last 10 years ryan fitzpatrick number one which makes sense really nice guy went to harvard playing on like bad teams usually trying to make plays also the beard extending gives him more face to hit yep matt r Matt Ryan, number two. He looks sad all the time out there.

He gets crumpled.

And then Matt Stafford, number three.

Lions, like, oh, we feel bad that you're just out here getting smoked all day.

We're just going to throw a flag.

And then I looked it up and I went per game in the last 10 years.

Josh Allen, number one.

That's just because he's crazy.

So we'll cross that out.

Fitzpatrick, again, number two.

Josh McCown, nicest guy in the world RG3 number four I mean who doesn't feel bad for RG3 well when his body gets hit he really gets hit yeah so it's basically refs being like wow I feel bad for you number five Sam Bradford again like you know he looks like a scarecrow with those sleeves and you're like how is this guy taking guy taking all this punishment? Six is Wentz, another sad guy when he gets hit, and then seven is Kirk Cousins, where if they hit him hard enough, his head's just going to go into his body, and he's going to be running around like the headless horseman. Right, all those quarterbacks that you mentioned, they kind of have a common denominator, which is they're all kind of, you do feel bad for all kind of like cute they're like corgis if you had a corgi playing quarterback and somebody hit it you'd be like yo what the fuck yeah you're like why are you doing that that dog can't defend itself like kirk cousins can't do anything about the fact that he's like gonna get smashed in the face yeah what's he gonna do fight back right so i think that that's actually so that's actually like if you're trying to draft a team, just find the most pathetic looking guy who everyone will feel bad for and then make him your quarterback.
And everyone will be like, oh, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't do that.
Yeah. And also with Chase Young, it kind of goes the other way because he is, sometimes he gets in his own head a little bit like Brian Dawkins used to do on the Eagles, where Brian Dawkins actually thought that he was a comic book character.
Yes. Like he was a superhero and he would jump in ways and like throw his arms out to the side like he was actually Stylebender.
In his defense if you play enough big Sunday night Monday night Thursday night games and they comic like they make you look like a comic in the intro that's what happens. You start to believe it.
That's what Chase Young does occasionally when he's trying to hit somebody he like winds up with all of his limbs right he like cocks back his arm like he's gonna punch him i also think just like punching the punch motion that he did on matt ryan was just a fist to his chest and it's just matt ryan and it's defenseless right you're like matt ryan should be walking around with like a rape whistle when he's out there right it's like rick Moranis getting jacked up on the streets of New York. Everyone's like, what the fuck? Yeah, like, how could you punch Rick Moranis? How could you punch Matt Ryan? Yeah.
The other part of this game, I think PFT, I think Taylor Heineke is just a young Ryan Fitzpatrick. Because he's fucking psycho.
Yeah. He doesn't play by any of the rules.
No, he loves throwing across his body. He loves throwing across the field.
He loves almost getting sacked. It's crazy.
And he runs. He could be the next Ryan Fitzpatrick.
You lose Ryan Fitzpatrick in week one. You're like, oh man, this kind of sucks.
You're ready for Fitzmagic. I think Taylor Heineke has that volatility about him where one week he looks terrible and the next week he's making plays that make no sense and throwing it falling down and throwing it up in the middle of the field and somehow it becomes a touchdown.
That touchdown was like, that was the dumbest thing. What are you doing? And then even the touchdown to win the game, he's running all the way to the left, and he, like, looks back and throws all the way across the field to the right.
Yeah, no, you're right. I think there are some similarities between his game and Fitzpatrick in that you feel like you're on a great drug, and then sometimes you feel like you're on a really bad drug watching him.
And many people do say ODU is the Harvard of Virginia safety schools. Yep, that's a fact.
So there's something to that, too. I love love his hard count and i also hate jack del rio's defense i still hate it it's broken here's the problem jack del rio's defense we're in a bin but don't break philosophy you can see that's like what jack del rio wants he's like we're not going to give up the big play we're just going to give up nine yard catches but they did all day long but then they end up giving up the big play They're bending and breaking at the same time constantly, and nothing really changes.

Although I did see Del Rio start to try to get exotic, he started to dial stuff up, but it would just be, he'll rush, it'll look like he's blitzing two extra guys, but then he'll drop two of his linemen back into coverage. And so they're still just rushing forward.
Still trying to get pressure with four. This is one of those games that both franchises, both fans, looking at this game, they had this circled as a win.
You know, the Falcons fans are like, yeah, we can take care of business against the football team at home. Just lucky to escape with a win.
The two-point conversion towards the end of the game, before Heineke got the ball back to go down the field again, I think that took 20 minutes. They kept moving it back, moving it half the distance to the goal, flag, flag, flag.
It was painful to watch. Very similar.
I actually made the analogy that he is like pro Bo Nix, pro Nix. He basically there's at least four or five times in a game where Taylor Heineke is throwing to an invisible garbage can because he was throwing that two-point conversion he threw it he was throwing it to a receiver that had to have been 10 feet to catch it it was it was to absolutely no one but it was sweet because it like went into the invisible garbage can and counted it as like a 10-pointer yeah that was to Ricky Seals Jones who I had forgotten was on the Washington football team until he caught that ball against the Giants but Ricky Seals Jones to his credit he looks like he's 7 feet tall and 300 pounds out on the field.
He's a wide receiver, but I'm pretty sure he weighs like 250 pounds. I really want someone to sign Taco Fall, the more I thought about it.
Just have him stand out there and just walk to the end zone and just keep his hands above his head the entire time, and it's unstoppable. Why not sign Taco Fall and Bowl Bowl to do that, and then also on defense for field goals? Just stand behind the line, jump up and try to block them.
Yes, it would fuck with the kicker. Like their head would be fucked with.
Yeah, it'd be crazy. I did learn last week, though, that you're not allowed to goaltend.
There's a goaltending call in football. I knew that, yeah.
So you can't stand at the upright and try to swat it. Like that Justin Tucker kick could have been swatted.
Yes. No, you can't do that.
All right. Other notes from this game real quick.
Arthur Smith chin update looking really good. That beard coming in nicely.
Good job, Arthur Smith. Matt Ryan has perfected like under throwing his receivers to make it actually almost work.
There was multiple times where it was like, why do he under-throw? Oh, it actually worked. You just kept on saying that to yourself, like, oh, that's not a good pass.
Oh, it worked, because they just come back to it. Corderell Patterson got open by about 15 yards, and then Matt Ryan under-threw him by about 7, but the defense still hadn't caught up to it, so Corderell caught the ball winning the end zone.
Also breaking news, Corderell Patterson might be the best player in the NFL three touchdowns today 84 receiving yards 34 rushing yards so over 100 all-purpose yards three touchdowns and here's a crazy stat Corderell Patterson has been a Falcon for four games he has more three touchdown games as a Falcon than Julio Jones in his decade long with the Falcons.

Julio Jones never had a three-touchdown game.

That's amazing.

That's insane.

So, yeah, he's a weapon.

And he's getting paid $3 million.

I think he's the face of the franchise right now.

The greatest discount ever.

Yep. All right, next up, Giants-Saints.

Giants get their first win.

I have an announcement I'd like to make.

I'm going to take off my sweatshirt for this announcement. I'm all the way back.
On Danny Dimes? You better be watching the YouTube. It's on the YouTube.
I'm wearing a Danny Dimes shirt. I'm all the way back into Danny Dimes.
I don't know what it is. That game was incredible.
There are so many times where I'm like, Danny Dimes is going gonna throw a pick Danny Dimes is gonna fumble he was awesome today Saquon Barkley was awesome the Giants I now think the Giants might be good and it's a sickness of mine and it's obviously partly because I bet on him I feel vindicated but that was good Danny Dimes so this is a game where the Giants probably pretty easily could have quit on Joe Judge. Yes.
After starting out 0-3, what we're going to see this week is a lot of articles about this Giants team is finally buying in on Joe Judge and his ways. I don't know if that's 100% true or not.
I think it's more a product of the Saints just stink when they're favored and they're really good when they're underdogs. Well, I think the Saints' offense might—this is going to be hurtful to say.
Tread lightly. I think the Saints' offense might be slightly broken.
It doesn't feel like—I mean, maybe it's just Michael Thomas needs to come back. He's not playing, right? He's out until week six, maybe? Because doesn't it feel like the Saints' offense is essentially run the ball, run the ball, and then five to six times a game have Jameis Winston try to throw it deep? That and also put Taysom Hill in and have Jameis pass to Taysom Hill.
Right, because essentially this game came down to the fourth quarter, and the Saints have the game in hand, and all they need is some first downs to win the game, and they couldn't get any. They had two, so they score a touchdown to go up, I think it was, what was it, 21, I can't even remember.
I think they went up 10. So I think, let's call it 17-7, I believe.
I think it was that. They score, they're up 10, it's fourth quarter, they get the ball punt three and out punt they get the ball they get like one first down punt like they don't have the ability it's it sucks because I I was the guy who was standing on the mountain being like Drew Brees is holding this team back turns out Drew Brees having the ability to like get easy first downs because you can always just hit guys underneath and be super accurate that is very important in a fourth quarter situation when all you need is like a few first downs to win this game and they didn't have i think that what sean payton's doing is he he's trying to limit jamis's mistakes which is a smart thing to do i think to a certain extent you have to limit his mistakes because otherwise he's going to go out and throw 30 interceptions so like maybe dial it back to 21 or 22 interceptions.
You have to let Jameis just go out there and say, fuck it, I'm going to go deep, I'm going to throw the ball deep, I'm going to throw the deep ball, I'm going to put the team on my back. And right now Jameis doesn't feel like he has that ability in this offense to just go out there and be 100% pure, uncut, flake Jameis.
No, he definitely doesn't. He's got handcuffs.
But they need to take one of the handcuffs off. Leave the handcuff on one of the wrists, but then let him go out there and feel like he has the ability to fuck up all that he wants.
Because sometimes you're going to get some brilliance out of him. Yeah, it was 21-10.
And then the Giants scored a touchdown, two-point conversion, and then kicked a field goal. Daniel Jones, though, was awesome.
And Saquon Barkley was used correctly. Saquon Barkley, I was wrong about that.
He looks back healthy. The shark wheel that they ran for him, he was running hard, getting him in the passing

game. Also, turns out, Giants, novel concept, but when you draft a guy with the 20th pick overall,

Kadarius Toney, you should use him. This was the first game that it felt like they used him.

He's very fucking fast. And so, I don't know.
I just, something about Daniel Jones. I have a crazy stat for you from Daniel Jones.
Ready? Daniel Jones. Daniel Jones.
At home. 14 touchdowns.
This is his career. 14 touchdowns, 16 interceptions.
Daniel Jones on the road. 25 touchdowns, 7 interceptions.
He might be the greatest road quarterback of all time. So just keep him.
I don't know what you have to do. Make him move him out of Hoboken.
Make him live in Long Island so he thinks that every home game is an away game. I don't know what you have to do, but tell him that he's playing on the road at all times because he's an awesome quarterback on the road, and then when he plays in Giants Stadium, he's terrible.
One thing I really liked that the Giants did today was they had Saquon split out wide a lot. And why don't more teams do that? If you have a great running back, I mean like a really, truly great running back, just tell them, we're going to play you as a wide receiver a lot and just run routes, just pretend that you have a ball in your hand.
Why don't they do spin moves and shit and just hurdle over defenders? Yes. Just like he's in the open field.
He was great. I would love to see Saquon split out wide for like 50% of the snaps that he's in the game.
I don't think a cornerback can cover Saquon Barkley. No, he was used very, very well, and he ran well, and he ran hard.
And again, Kadarius Toney was awesome. He felt like that weapon that they've been looking for because they haven't had an explosiveness to their offense, and he was that explosiveness.
Do you want to join back on with Daniel Jones? No, I'm not going to do that. But I'm in all the way.
No, I'm in. I like this guy.
You go off on it. Something about this guy.
I will never believe in Daniel Jones. I just won't.
He just does this every now and then. He's fun to root for occasionally, but.
That was a legitimately awesome comeback for them. And they were, like you said, they could have quit.
They're in New Orleans. It's the first game back since Hurricane Ida.
The crowd's going crazy. And he just drove them twice down, three times because he counted overtime as well.
He was awesome. That's a win that you can hang your hat on if you're a Daniel Jones believer like myself.
I'll give a lot of credit to Daniel Jones, but next week are you going to be like, yeah, Daniel Jones is going to win. Well, let's see if he's on the road.
If he's on the road, then yeah, he's at Dallas. He's going to win that game.
One thing that they won't tell you, you look at the at the box score for this game he should have had another touchdown pass John Ross caught that deep ball fumbled it recovered it himself in the end zone that's not counted as Daniel Jones touchdown pass oh wow but it should be I think that we should just remember that play because nobody else are you sure that wasn't counted I'm pretty sure it was I'm touchdown. Because he had two touchdown passes.
And then Saquon scored a run. I'm pretty sure that that wasn't counted as a touchdown catch.
That's bullshit if it wasn't. All right, I'm looking at the Giants' schedule right now.
I'm going to put my sweatshirt back on. Yeah.
I'm looking at it right now. They're playing at the Cowboys versus the Rams at home, which is a problem at home, versus the Panthers at the Chiefs.
So, yeah, I'm going to put my sweatshirt back on and everything I just said about Daniel Jones and the Giants. I'm going to temper that because there's a good chance they don't win a single game in the rest of October and maybe well into November.
And they play the Raiders and then the Bucs. Daniel Jones is a good enough quarterback to root for occasionally when you bet on him.
Fuck. But you don't want to do this week in, week out thing.
You're already torturing yourself enough with Matt Nagy. No, I like Daniel Jones though.
He's something about him. I guess I'm just going to keep him to my when he's on the road, I'm going to bet on him and when he's's at home, I'm just going to be like, he's the worst quarterback ever.

Daniel Jones has a great personality.

He does.

I'm giving him his credit.

He's a really nice guy.

No, that was an awesome game by him today.

Like, that was.

And the Saints have a very good defense.

And I'm giving Daniel Jones his due here because you can't just be like, oh, that was a legitimately great game from him with incredible drives, time drives in a hostile environment against good defense so there you go Daniel Jones um all right next up Cowboys Panthers I I was saying it before but I I do think the Cowboys are good I really do I think the Cowboys are good the Panthers like this game was uh finished 36 28 but it that's not really indicative of like what happened on the field because the Panthers scored a touchdown late. The Cowboys dominated this game, and they dominated it in a way like Kellen Moore should deserve.
I mean, he's going to be a head coach soon, but you have Dak Prescott, and you have all these receivers. You probably want to throw the ball a bunch.
They just were able to run it all over the Panthers, and that's what they did. Dak Prescott, I think, threw it 22 times, and they ran the ball 245 yards all over the Panthers.
Just ran it down their throat. Credit to Mike McCarthy, the play call at the end of the game to Ice.
It was awesome. I think that was Kellen Moore.
The double reverse. I'm giving credit to Mike McCarthy because he called it.
He said he authorized that play.

It's like Obama getting credit for killing Bin Laden.

He didn't personally pull the trigger,

but he sat in a room and watched it on TV.

I think Mike McCarthy's in a pretty good spot here

because he's got Kellen Moore as his offensive coordinator

and Dan Quinn who, you know,

say what you want about Dan Quinn as a head coach.

Terrible, awful, like terrible head coach.

You know, obviously went to the Super Bowl, but like everything fell apart after that.

Kind of a dumb guy, whatever.

You probably wish that he didn't go to the Super Bowl.

Yeah, you could say all that stuff.

He's a really good defensive coordinator.

Obviously, you know, having the studs that he had in Seattle help anyone look like a good defensive coordinator.

But he had the number one defense for two years in a row in Seattle. And he's got a Dallas defense that was horrendous last year, playing pretty damn good.
I think that Trayvon Diggs, if the season ended today, should get credit and consideration for MVP. Five interceptions in four games.
That's insane. On pace for 21.1 interceptions.
That fucking 17th game. It really fucking sucks.
But yeah, Trayvon Diggs, he's playing. He is the defense player of the year right now, and he should be in the MVP discussion at least.
He's awesome. He's really, really good.
And Zeke is back. Zeke is officially back.
He had 150, 160 yards. He played stupid today.
He was awesome. This was a nice debate for Rust vs.
Rust. A team coming off the short week versus a team coming off the extra long week from Thursday Night Football, right? Yes, yes.
I believe. Yes.
Yeah, that was a payout of the Mills Mafia game. Yes, yes.
No, the Cowboys, I really do think the Cowboys are a good team. I think they're going to be...
Now, well, no, I was going to say the injury bug, but they don't have Sean Lee anymore. Right.
Van Der Esch kind of took that torch from him a little bit. Yeah, they have so many linebackers, but I do think that they are a team that...
I'm not saying they're on par with the Packers and the Bucs right now, but they're right below that. I'd put them in that category with the Rams and the Cardinals, that category of teams that if things start falling their way, they could be a legitimate contender.
What do you think happens if, let's just say, Mike McCarthy loses the NFC Championship game, Kellen Moore gets five job offers. He can basically pick whichever spot he wants to go.
You think Jerry Jones considers firing Mike McCarthy, elevating Kellen Moore to head coach? I think he goes, I think Jerry Jones makes Mike McCarthy smash a watermelon and inside the watermelon is Mike McCarthy's pink slip. So that's how it happens.
That would be an appropriate way to go. Yeah, and Kellen Moore's new contract.
So two for one. Yeah.
So he's like, here you go. Find out what's inside.
The Panthers, I don't want to say I expected better from them. This is exactly what I expected from the Carolina Panthers today.
I think the Panthers are frisky. And I told you I had my eye on them.
And I wasn't ready to say they were good. And I'm not ready to say they're good.
Because they've beaten the worst teams in the NFL. And that's fine.
You should beat those teams, but they took a step up in class today, and it was not the same team. And they obviously have some injuries.
Christian McCaffrey's out. Sam Darnold, by the way, one for a crazy Sam Darnold stat.
Sam Vick. Ready? Sam Darnold, first QB ever to have five rushing touchdowns in his first four games in a season.
Good job, Sam Darnold. Wasn't being used correctly.
You remember that Thursday night game last year where he had that 55-yard touchdown? That was against the Broncos, I think, where they didn't have a quarterback. Sam Darnold is, well, he actually wasn't great as a thrower, but he can run.
Yeah, he can run. He can run.
They weren't using him correctly in New York.

Yeah.

I've got a quote from Jerry Jones.

This is from actually earlier in the week, but he was talking about Micah Parsons.

Yep.

Wait, I got to do the Jerry Jones thing.

You don't have to.

You should.

I do.

I have to.

Yeah.

He's as pure as mother's milk.

He just basically steps out there and gives you everything.

He's got nature, gave him skills, and boy, does he know how to use them. What do you think he thinks mother's milk is? Jerry Jones.
I don't know. But I could totally see Jerry Jones being someone who buys mother's milk on the black market.
Yeah, Billy. To try to live longer.
No, Billy was talking the other week about how mother's milk bodybuilders buy it on the black market, right? There's a hilarious forum, a bodybuilding forum post about it yeah like you're gonna tell us well they they talk about how mother's milk gives them gains how it's better than regular milk the building blocks of life exactly remember when uh hank drank his aunt's milk Yeah, he did that.

Yeah, when I was like 10 years old. He did.
True story. That's why he's so strong.
It was in the fridge. My cousin had just been born.
I was going to get some cereal on a family vacation. Boom.
Drank it. I was like, that tasted weird.
And then I was like, you didn't take it from this bottle, did you? I was like, fuck. You think the winner of this game Like a Big Ten championship trophy

Or a rivalry trophy, like Jerry Jones gets jeans Friday now? Yes. Oh, he probably took jeans Friday anyway.
Jerry Richardson probably called him up and was like, just do me one solid. I want you to have this game.
Make sure. Yes.
Yes. Do you think the Cowboys are good? The Cowboys are very good.
The Cowboys are legit good. I think the Cowboys are better than you think they are.
I think they're better than the Packers. I think they're very good.
You think they're better than the Packers? I have to see them do it for like, I mean, there were only four games in. I give the benefit of the doubt to the team that went to the NFC Championship game last year.
Right now, I think they're better than the Packers. We're a complete team.
Okay. All right.
next up, Bears-Lions.

Alright.

So, it's the Lions,

but Justin Fields looked awesome. And I'm very,

very excited. It is the Lions.
It is the Lions.

He had another great fumble recovery.

Another great fumble. Leads the league in excellent

fumble recoveries. I'm pretty sure

Matt Nagy gave up play calling

because he hinted at that midweek

and then also the Bears actually

looked competent from an

offensive standpoint today. So that lends me to believe that he gave it up.
And so if he did give it up, uh, the stack goes in the last two years when Bill laser has been calling plays seven games, 27.7 points per game. When Matt Nagy has been calling games, 12 games, 18.2 points per game.
So a difference there of 9 points per game. Stop calling plays, Matt Nagy.
Is your only clue that the offense was good? Well, he did. A reporter asked him and he was like, he kind of gave a wink-wink.
I'm not calling the plays. And so I'm sure he'll try to take credit for it sometime midweek, but Justin Fields, he looked good, and he throws it deep, and that's the difference.
Darnell Mooney becomes a real receiver when you can throw it deep. Andy Dalton, nice guy, really nice guy, and I'm sure Matt Nagy still thinks he's a starter, but he can't, there's no deep threat.
You can't throw it deep. Like they were taking shots down the field and it looked awesome.
And guess what? The best part about today was Justin Fields didn't even really use his legs. Like he didn't have any wow runs.
And that's a whole part of the offense that I would hope they unlock. And I hope David Montgomery is okay.
I think he is. It sounded like he's probably just got like a knee sprain, so he won't be out for the season.
But we also have playoff Damian. So a little piece of advice for Justin Fields.
You should not be so good at route running. Because what you're doing, when they put him out wide, when they were trying to mix things up a little bit, now you're giving Matt Nagy a reason to put you in and then have you get split out wide and then have Andy Dalton try to complete a pass to you.
You need to act like Jake Cutler when he got split out wide. Stand up vertically.
Don't try to be a hero. Don't even try to move, really.
Just try to not get injured and not put anything good on tape that's going to make Matt Nagy want to use you as a wide receiver in the future.

Here's the difference between Justin Fields and Andy Dalton

and why, like, Bears fans, we've all been just saying,

play the fucking kid.

So they played pretty much the same amount of time.

I mean, Justin Fields has started two games now.

Andy Dalton started three, came out for half of one,

obviously, against the Bengals.

Pass completions over 10 air yards. Justin Fields has nine.
Andy Dalton has two. Like, that's the difference right there.
Andy Dalton's a nice guy. Dink and dunk.
He's a backup quarterback at this point of his career. Play the kid.
I don't fucking care. Like, if Matt Nagy sees what Justin Fields is capable of after today, because he was dropping dimes and doesn't keep playing him,

that, like,

he should be in jail. Jail.
We already said

he should be in the Hague. Yeah, in the Hague.

In the Hague. Jail.

Dan Campbell had some real manalytics

cooking out there today. They were down by

10 points in the fourth quarter. Yeah.

And he went forward on fourth down.

Probably could kick, what, like a 35-yard field goal, bring it to within one score. But, in Dan Campbell's mind, what are you going to, what does winning this game accomplish if you're the Lions? I think he might have thought they had the first down.
Really? There's no other explanation. For people who didn't watch the game, the Lions had fourth and one with like three and a half minutes left on the five yard line and they're down 10 and they ran a fourth down play and didn't convert it.
Yeah. So why not? Why not just kick the field goal? Stay within the number.
I don't know. Everybody's happy.
You don't have, he doesn't have to win any games. You have a little bit of momentum.
Like the Bears kind of took their foot off the gas and it was kind of getting that weird, uh-oh, what's going to happen here zone, and that would have extended the game and put pressure on the Bears. Instead, the opposite happened, and the game was over.
Man Campbell's analytics say seven points is more than three points, so we should try to maximize how many points we can get. And so he's like, fuck it, I'll go for the seven instead of going to make it a one score game.
I can tie it with a field goal later. Yeah, later.
We can worry about the kicking game later. I'll push that off until the end.
I'll do the hard work now while it's in front of me. Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today.
But yeah, didn't really make a lot of sense from a numbers or logic or mental capacity. I'll put it this way.
Maryland state record holder Rex Ryan, when it comes to creativity and problem solving, could have seen that if you go ahead and you kick the field goal now, then you extend the game, you can get seven points later. But Dan Campbell didn't see that way, and that's why Dan Campbell's Dan Campbell.
I don't really have a problem with anything Dan Campbell does as long as his team keeps playing hard for him. Yeah, but that was very stupid.
And also the Lions, I do feel bad for the Lions. I mean, I was very happy watching that game.
Justin Fields made me very, very happy. It was like a joy was brought back in my life after the debacle that happened last week.
But the Lions, the Lions, they remember how last year we would talk about how the Falcons just invented new ways? The Lions, they break records that are just insane. So they went one for five in the red zone.
Not one for five like they scored once out of five. Not like they kicked a field goal instead of getting a touchdown.
They scored once out of five in the red zone. Not only that, but in their first three drives.
First three drives of the game, they got inside the 10 and came up with zero points. Fumble, fumble and turnover on downs.
That hasn't happened since 1993. I mean, that's an insane Lions thing.
I don't know if it was also Lions, but it's like that's such an insane... Think about it.
To go, to drive to the 10-yard line or closer to the end zone.

So I think they got to the 5 in one of them.

And come away with zero points on your first three drives.

That's really, really hard to do.

There are only a few things I need to see out of the Lions in every game this year.

One, keep Jared Goff healthy.

Have him throw a couple touchdowns.

Don't embarrass Jared out there. He's playing hard for you.
Two, stay within the number. Didn't accomplish that today.
And number three, give me one cool highlight from Panay Sewell that I can watch during the week where he just like... Jeff Schwartz can show us with his spoon.
Yeah, I want to see Panay Sewell absolutely smashing a linebacker through the crust of the earth. I want to see a cool highlight like that come out where I can be like, that is a cornerstone for the Detroit Lions for the future.
Yes, all right. I'm looking at the Lions because we've got to find them a win.
Oh, man. Let's go win hunting.
All right, let's go win hunting. Actually, I think at Vikings and at home against the Bengals, they could win one of those games.
They could win at home against the Bengals. They could win at home against the Eagles.
The Eagles, even at the Steelers, they might. I don't know.
Yeah, they'll get a win. They will get a win.
The Lions will get a win. They have the Falcons later, and then they play the Packers week 17, who probably have already won the North because they always fucking win the North.
Yeah, they'll get a win. I'm going to say it right now.
They'll get a win. I can't believe we're already in October.
Yeah, so going on the road to the Steelers, Dan Campbell feels like a guy that should have some sort of Pittsburgh connection somewhere in his history. I know he's from Texas, but he definitely has an uncle he used to visit in Pittsburgh that worked in the coal mines.
Yes, but yeah, the Lions, I do feel bad for the Lions, but I'm a very happy boy today. But yeah, I feel bad for the Lions.
All right, next up, Browns-Vikings, the game that the Red Zone channel forgot. We actually had this happen in the third or fourth quarter.
We're like, wait, is there a delay or something in the Browns-Vikings game? Because they have not shown it for so long. It just stuck.
And it was the craziest type of game because the Vikings marched down the field like 80 yards, 14 play drive to start the game, score seven, never scored again. And then we saw that one moment where the Browns had like 15 plays from the one yard line.
But it was, yeah, that was a stinker of a game. Two teams that know each other well because of their coaching staff.
It was a really bad game. Kirk Cousins, 20-38, 203 yards, one touchdown, one interception, a 9.9 QBR.
Now, in terms of his interception that he threw, I actually think that the way that Cousins played today is almost a formula for how they can win against good teams down the line. Because the interception that he had was basically a punt.
If he could just direct his interceptions downfield when he throws in and manage the game, the Vikings could have very easily won this game. I actually have a theory.
I think maybe the Vikings are going to take the place of the Phillip River San Diego Chargers. Because they've played four games now where they've all been kind of like low-key.
This game sucked, but it was still a one-score game. Thrillers, one-score game, like could go either way.
I think they might take the mantle for us. I think they might be the team that no matter where you think you are in the game, like it's always going to come down to the last possession.
And either Kirk Cousins is going to be like trying to drive and get pass interference calls or their defense is going to be trying to get off the field. Like they might have that ability, which we need that in the NFL.
We need that one team where no matter what, come the witching hour, you can expect them to be like, all right, well, this game's a fucking toss-up. And they'll finish like 8-9 and be like, all right, well, they could have finished 14-3 or they could have finished 3-14.
Yeah, I don't think they're going to get their skulls bashed in by too many teams and they're probably not going to blow out any real bad teams either. The Browns, the way that they won today is how the Browns will continue to win

by chunting them to death.

I actually think it's not even the chunting

because... There was a chunting

to that. Yeah, but I'm saying

their defense is incredible right now.

Their defense has given up 20 points

in the last 10 quarters. They're playing

incredible football. If you can chunt on offense

and then you can play the defense that they're playing,

they're going to be able to beat most teams.

Baker wasn't good. Controlling the clock.

The best thing Baker did today was

Thank you. It's incredible football.
If you can chunt on offense and then you can play the defense that they're playing, they're going to be able to beat most teams. Baker wasn't good.
Controlling the clock. The best thing Baker did today was scrambling through the pocket.
Baker probably took like two minutes off the clock himself just running around the backfield trying not to get hit. He was not good.
But I really do think that the Browns' defense is the way they've played the last two weeks, two and a half weeks, and they're the classic team where it's like, hey, they can get pressure with four because they can. Did you see, by the way, that Miles Garrett glitch play? Oh, last week? Where he actually glitched.
He teleported into the A-gap. It was fucking insane.
He's so fucking good. It looked like he was on ice skates.
He started out on the outside. I think he was lined up over the the tackle.
Yeah. And then he just teleported into the A-gap.
It was crazy. But yeah, I mean, Miles Garrett, that defense is playing really, really good.
And yeah, I mean, Baker was bad. He was bad.
He did not have a good game. So if you get an even B-plus game from Baker, I feel like the Browns win this game easily.
And if you're jacked up punter, doesn't think that he can run with the ball or try to throw a pass off a broken play, that's also a bonus. I think he had seven punts today.
I think there were just punts all over the place. Average 40 yards on seven punts.
Pretty good. Yeah.
Let's go to actually a nice segue to a team that just didn't punt, which is the biggest flex of all time. The Chiefs didn't punt.
The Chiefs didn't punt against the Eagles. Didn't they have a streak last year where they had like 10 quarters without a punt? It's insane.
I guess it's just because of the teams I root for that I just can't comprehend it. But just imagine going into a game and your punter just, nah, just stand there like you're not coming in the game.
It'd be sick. All I know is punts.
My life is just punts. The Chiefs are always walking a fine line between cute and too cute.
And today they found the very perfect balance. Patrick Mahomes, by the way, I think if you told him he only could throw the ball underhanded, he'd probably be like the 20th best quarterback in the league.
So I wrote this down. That's going to go bad for them at some point.
I'm excited for it. I'm calling my shot.
Like on a Sunday night, Monday night game they're going to do the shovel pass and someone's going to intercept it. Because it is like they did it twice today.
They've been doing it a lot. They're trying to cute their way out of it.
They are. So I think that's going to get blown up at some point and everyone's going to be like, oh look at them they're trying to get too cute with it.
So that's probably, something's probably going to happen next Sunday because it's going to get blown up at some point, and everyone's going to be like, oh, look at them. They're trying to get too cute with it.
So something's probably going to happen next Sunday because it's going to be Chiefs versus Bills. So what Andy Reid's doing right now, he's putting this on film because he's going to run a variation of one of these plays.
He's going to do that and then do like a little loop-de-loo and then throw a fucking touchdown blindfolded to Travis Kelsey, and then Tyreek Hill is going to do a flip, and the Chiefs are going to be awesome. Well, what they did today was they had Travis Kelsey pretend that he didn't know what was going on with the play and put his hands up in the air.
Like, I can't understand what's going on. And then they snapped the ball, and he ran out into his route, and it was perfect.
And Andy Reid was just back there holding his fingers together like Montgomery Burns, a mad scientist. Like, perfect.
Andy Reid got his 100th win as a chief today. Second team.
Second team that he got it with. Only coach to ever do that.
100 wins with two different franchises. Also Patrick Mahomes, 50th start, 40 wins.
Pretty good. That's fucking insane.
50th start, 40 wins. Poor Nick Sirianni, dude.
It's so funny watching that game, and the number one rule is you don't beat the Chiefs with field goals, and Nick Sirianni was like, I'm going to beat the Chiefs with field goals. I'm going to be the first.
Even the start of the game, he was like a fourth and three. He's like, I'm going to kick this field goal, and we're going to three-point him to death.
And then you just slowly, as the game goes on, he keeps kicking field goals. They keep scoring touchdowns.
And then you look up at the scoreboard, and you're like, wait, we're down 20? How'd this happen? I also think Nick Sirianni got gun-shy because he scored three touchdowns that got taken off the board due to flags. And so he was like, you know what? I don't think we can score a touchdown without getting a penalty.
So let's just kick field goals when we're down in the red zone. You just can't beat the Chiefs with field goals.
I'm looking it up right now. Also, shout out Chris Jones, the fumble recovery.
Probably the most relatable thing that happens on a football field is when a defensive lineman tries to pick up a football and score,

like stay on their feet and scoop the ball and score,

knowing that they've been taught a million times over to just fall on it.

But in that moment, they're like, this is my moment.

I'm going to get all the glory.

And watching them kick it and the Yakety Yak song starts playing. The ball went off a ref.

It was very, very funny.

And I also just feel really bad because I know

that defensive linemen, they got these

big fucking hands and they're trying to grab this

ball, this slippery ball, while also

keeping their feet. It never works out.

It's always funny. And I want them

to always try to do it. Fuck

falling on the ball. Give us the funny moment.
Ironically, you know who has really good hands? Who? JPP. Yeah.
He does. As far as defensive linemen go, he really does.
I don't know what it is like doing addition by subtraction, I guess. Yeah.
But yeah, most defensive linemen, when they get it, it turns into just somebody who does a dizzy bat race trying to play putt-putt golf it doesn't work out all right here we go uh fourth and three at the kansas city 11 to start the game field goal nick sirianni i don't know what you're thinking there uh then they go uh let's see i think it was fourth and seven at the kc seven field goal so that's that's two they're just like, hey, we're going to field goal these guys to death. Then they go again in the second half when they're down eight.
He's like, oh my God, fourth and goal at the three field goal. I didn't know he did that from the three.
So yeah, he really did. That was in the second half.
He really did try to field

goal them. He tried to beat them with field goals.
Well, let's see how many field goals

would have taken to beat the Chiefs today. How many points the Chiefs have? 42.
42.

What's 42? Billy, quick. 42 divided by three.
14. 14 field goals.
15 to win. 14 to tie.

So he was close. Good strategy.
He was close. 14 to tie.
So he was close.

Good strategy.

He was close.

Oh, my God.

He changed, I think, from a pink highlighter to a red one today that he sticks in his visor.

I think, actually, next week, I'm going to call it right now,

the Eagles at the Panthers.

That might be a loser leaves town game because it feels like if the Panthers lose at home to the Eagles, they are not for real. It's a argue for real game.
Yeah, and if the Eagles end up being 1-4 after starting 1-0, it's over. Who's favorite in that game? Let's play a guess whose line is it anyway.
I'm going to say Panthers by two and a half. I'm going to say Panthers by three and a half.
Hank, thoughts? Whose line is it anyway? Guess whose line is it anyway? Panthers one and a half. Are you looking it up? Yeah.
Okay. Tell us.
Ooh, this is my favorite game. I hope it's not in the Vegas zone.
Please, please don't. Panthers minus four.
Whoa, I won. Won nothing me.
Wow. Four.
Okay. That's probably right, you know? I think they got that right.
That line's probably going to move down one and a half points. No, they probably got that right.
They probably got that right. Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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All right. It's time, Billy.
Jets, Titans, Zach Wilson. Wow.
Took a big step today. Zach Wilson.
A winner. Wow.
It was his coming out party. It was amazing.
He threw half as many interceptions as he did the week before, which was half as many as the week before that. So next week he'll only throw half an interception.
And he'll never throw zero interceptions. Right.
He'll be like, the arrow will never hit the target. Right.
But he made a couple mistakes. He should have thrown it away at third and goal, but he got sacked for a loss.
They were going to go for it. It was third and one, and then it was fourth and six, and that's why they kicked the field goal.
But there was places he could have improved, but he was the player that I thought he always was, and that I've been trying to convince you guys he is, and he threw absolute bombs. Yeah, no, the bomb to Corey Davis was awesome.
Multiple bombs. And Billy, the nice part about watching Zach Wilson and the Jets with Billy is every time he scrambles Billy just screams out he's off platform and it's fun it's fun to be like oh shit he's off platform alert that's when he's the most dangerous he's on parlor watch out he gets real crazy with his takes but you're right because when he does kind of like step out of that box and you don't know what he's going to say or do, that's when he hurts you.
When he's in the pocket just posting normally, you can like read his eyes, you know? Guy from his mama. Yes, that is true.
That is true. So I was thinking about it more going into today.
I did take the Jets not just because A.J. Brown and Julio Jones were out, which you have to mention with the Titans losing this game, but thinking about it, going back and thinking about it, the Jets played week one.
They played the Panthers, who up until today were playing very good defense, but the Panthers week one on the road, tough task for a rookie. Then Zach Wilson played, I would argue, the two best defensive minds in the NFL in Bill Belichick and Vic Fangio.
So having to then play the Titans who have had defensive problems, like this was, this is probably more what Zach Wilson is than the first three weeks, so you have to be excited if you're a Jets fan. Like, that's a win if you're a Jets fan, because their defense is actually playing really hard and playing well.
Well, think about this. So the defense was on the field for 40 minutes and they only let up two touchdowns.
And they sacked Ryan Tannehill seven times. Yeah, it was insane.
So the Jets, if you're a Jets fan, this actually, I know it's just one win, but this is a big win because you saw Zach Wilson. You saw the flashes.
The throw to Corey Davis was fucking sick. He had the big plays, wow plays.
The defense is playing hard for Robert Salah. Salah.
And yeah, if you're a Jets fan, you legitimately should be. This is probably the best day for New York football in like a decade.
If you're a're a jets fan you have to be happy with everything that you saw on sunday except for how often fucking fireman ed is on tv doing those uber eats commercials the man abandoned the franchise and you know that he's just waiting to come back in full force get back in the stands as soon as zach wilson starts to turn into the quarterback that billy believes that he is fireman ed, I'm sorry. You're a fraud.
You're out. You self-selected out, which I think that every grown man should have the right to do.
Your body, your choice, Fireman Ed. You should be able to abort your franchise decisions.
Unless you're a Texans or Cowboys fan. But you can't come back.
Well, you can, but just only before week six. Got it.
People are going to get mad. Yeah.
You got some politics. Fireman Ed, you can see it in his eyes.
He wants to come back. Let Billy's brain catch up real quick.
He'll probably... I got so off track.
Hold on. Here we go.
And then you guys went off a this may be over, you know, getting overconfident, but I think they're going to shellack the Falcons. Shellacking.
I think they're going to shellack. We're going to shellack them? In London, yeah.
After 40 minutes on the field? I think the defense is going to be off the field. No, I'm saying like 40 minutes.
Like that's a long flight after 40 minutes on the field. Right.
But I think they're in for shellacking. Make sure you hydrate.
I think New Yorkers travel better than Georgians. Oh.
Yeah. There you go.
Do better overseas. That was a legitimately exciting game.
It's similar to the Giants when I was saying Daniel Jones, you should be excited. If you're a Jets fan, that is probably the best day you've had in a couple years.
I mean, when a rookie quarterback has success, it's like, okay, they're successful. But when you see, like, those flashes of greatness, like, that's unteachable.
It would be tough if you had to go another couple weeks without seeing those flashes. Just, like, telling everybody, trying to convince everybody those flashes will be there eventually.
But you have something to look forward to because you saw a little bit of it today. Yeah.
Pandora's box. It's out of the bag.
When I saw Justin Fields throw deep, that's all you need. You just need those flashes.
That will tide you over. But you get that rush every time he's scrambling.
It's like, whoa. He might throw a bomb.
He might throw a touchdown. He may say, fuck it and throw an interception.
Yeah. But it's growing pains.
Right. Exactly.
Something exciting is going to happen. Yes, Billy.
I actually completely agree. It is an awesome feeling to have.
Cause it doesn't like, if you're used to rooting for a team that can't, can't go vertical. and then now all of a sudden like, oh fuck

what are we about to do?

It's an awesome feeling.

I was

disappointed in Fat Randy though.

I thought that Fat Randy had a great

opportunity to submit himself into

NFL lore if he had made that

feel good. Gotten us a tie.
A tie would have

been a very funny result for this game.

The game never ended. It went for

seven hours. Yeah, if it had just kept going

on and on and on and on. Give us

Thank you. That field goal had gotten us a tie.
A tie would have been a very funny result for this game. The game never ended.
It went for seven hours. Yeah, if it had just kept going on and on and on and on.
Give us one more possession coming back with the Jets. Time enough for Zach Wilson to actually win the game straight up.
A walk-off touchdown would have been great. But Fat Randy, the field goal, it drifted wide left.
Now, we don't know if there was a root underneath the field like we saw in Cincinnati. We don't know if Fat Randy pulled a muscle or if there was something else that happened on it.
But we do know that Fat Randy is back to looking thick. Yeah, he was.
Thicker than hell. And I think his arms have gotten skinnier, which that's...
Listen, if you're a bigger guy like myself, you need to make sure that you do some curls because if your arms look skinny and your gut is big, it's a really bad combo. Yeah, he yeah he had a layering problem well he's always had kind of a layering issue where he just he wears a couple sweatshirts underneath his pads yeah i don't know what's going on with that but i i think he actually has the sweatshirts that have pouches at the bottom yes so when it pokes out the bottom of his jersey you can't tell if that's his belly or if he's just you know got a couple hoagies in there for later.
Listen, the decision on how many layers to wear as a bigger man is life and death. Because you do want to layer because layering hides a lot of bad things.
But then when you layer too much, remember, Hank, when we went to the NLCS 2015 Mets Cubs and I went six layers, and I looked like the fucking marshmallow man. Like that can happen very quickly.
So you have to find that perfect spot of like one, two layers, maybe, maybe a third, maybe throw on a fucking vest, maybe. But you very quickly can go over the line and just be a blimp.
It also doesn't help that he was being compared to Matt Amendola in the same game. And Matt Amendola is one of the new generation of kickers that grew up with a lot of mirrors in their house.
He's like train spotting. Yeah.
Well, he's skinny, but he's also jacked as hell. Like he's definitely gone to the Steve Weatherford, what was it, arms? Yeah, pumping.
Like 30 arm zero or whatever his workout regimen was. It's tough to have like the side-by-side shots of you with that guy.
You need a dude that's more along the lines of the Sebastian Janikowski's to be compared to. They don't need this.
Like the kickers, you know how they had the revolution in golf when golfers all went from fat, like Tiger basically changed it. Like golfers all went from fat guys and just like John Daly types or guys that just look like they've never been in a gym.
They just fucking hit golf balls to, oh, we're athletes. We go to the gym all the time.
Rory McIlroy, when he like off season one year, just put on 20 pounds of muscle kickers. Let us have kickers still be the guys that we can be like, oh, I could take him in a fight.
Either be fat or be one of the really wiry, tiny guys that looks vaguely French all the time. Like a grammatical, a guy with a giant helmet that is so unathletic that you injure yourself celebrating a made kick.
What's happened to the kicking position is it's become a race to get that extra 5% distance on your kicks, which really only matters for the Instagrams that you post of you kicking the 72 yarders in practice it's it's a five percent extra distance that no coach will ever let you attempt in a game unless your name's justin tucker right anything if you're automatic inside like or nick folk yeah like 50 if you're automatic inside 52 yards or a decent kicker inside 52 you don't you don't need to be jacked up to get that distance. It's just basically so that you can post something on Instagram

of you working out shirtless. And then people

will be like, yo, this guy's built different.

Kickers posting on Instagram. It's tough.

Gross. It's really gross.
It is gross.

You would never catch me doing that. No.

Ever. Ever.
Ever.

Never, ever. Never.
Billy, any

last words on Jets? Last point on the

Jets defense, they have the least amount of passing touchdowns allowed out of the whole NFL.

Okay.

And it would have been less if it wasn't for that pass interference call that led to the last touchdown.

Okay.

Nice, Billy.

That's actually a great stat.

Speaking of the Titans, let's go to the next game.

I think the Colts are going to probably win the AFC South, and I'm going to have to sweat out this pinky bet.

I don't think so.

I do.

You're basing that off a win against the Dolphins.

No, the Dolphins stink.

No, I know, but the Colts, like,

I think the Colts are better than they've looked,

and today they finally looked halfway decent,

and they're going to start rounding into shape.

I think this was a Colts desperation game.

We have to get a win.

The Dolphins stink.

I think the Dolphins might officially stink. I think this is like Brian Flores might be one of those coaches that you have that one or two seasons on the way up where everyone's like, damn, he's an awesome coach.
And then if you don't take the next step, it can unravel pretty quickly. Flores is going to go back to New England.
It's bad though. They don't look like a very good team.
I guess they fought hard against the Raiders last week. Him and Matt Patricia are just going to be standing around whatever cauldron Belichick has in the back room just cooking up weird defensive schemes.
Flores, yeah, he doesn't feel like a head coach that's... I don't know.
His defenses usually aren't bad, though, right, in Miami? Yeah, no, they've been bad, though, this year. It feels like they're, I don't know, something's broken.
And then maybe you could say. The mission is just it's to be bad enough where the fan base won't revolt if you trade for Deshaun Watson.
Right, which I think they're there. They're officially there.
You have to really suck it up for a few games for people to be like, yeah, we'll take the rapist. Yeah, yes, exactly.
Like, oh, yeah, we can put that aside. I'm looking at the Colts' schedule real quick.
So they have the Ravens next week, which will obviously be a tough game. But then they have a stretch where they're playing the Texans, the 49ers, which we'll get to with, like, they have a ton of injuries.
Jimmy G is going to be out for a while. The Titans, the Jets, and the Jaguars.
The Jets, Jaguars, and Texans, like, those are that the Colts could get fat on. So I don't know.
The AFC South is going to be weird. I just think the Titans and the Colts are going to do the thing all year where we just go back and forth, switching back and forth of like, does this team suck? Oh, no, they're definitely going to win the AFC South.
Week to week, we're going to say that. Because think about it.
The Colts started 1-3 and they're only one game back. Right.
The AFC South, the Jaguars and the Texans, you just throw them away. It's just going to be a two-team race.
And I think probably, I don't know, nine wins is going to be awesome if we had our first ever 7-10 conference champion or division champion. I think it could actually happen in this division.
Yeah. So Carson Wentz? I don't think either the Colts or the Titans are a good team.
I think they're like – Right. They're average – you know what they are? They're average teams that can play tough.
Yes. They can play any opponent tough on any given weekend.
They can step up. They can step up.
They're both physical teams. Yes.
And physical teams can be dangerous teams if you don't come ready to play that weekend, Big Cat. That's true.
In the NFL, in the National Football League. These are two teams where you'll get the analysts like Baldinger on Twitter who will absolutely fall in love with a couple guys that play a backup or rotational defensive tackle and be like, this is how they're coaching them up in Indy.
These guys want to win. And then they'll go out and they'll lose next week to the Texans.
Yes. You know, like, some weird shit will happen.
Yeah, no, he'll do a tape about Darius Leonard and be like, this guy's a fucking beast and enlist where he's from because, you know, not a Division I school, all that stuff. And, I mean, I feel like Darius Leonard's good for, like, 15 tackles a game.
Carson Wentz didn't have a turnover. Good for Carson.
Congratulations, Carson Wentz. First time he had a rushing TD and a passing TD and no turnovers since 2019.
That's a full year. And he's one of those guys that he's one that you feel bad for if you hit him late.
Yeah, no, absolutely. Hasn't he been through enough? He has.
I mean, he's, unless you're a duck. Right, a duck that's going to get put on his roof.
Yeah. You probably don't like him.
Yeah. You probably don't care for Carson.
If your mother is a duck a duck right a duck that's gonna get you know put on his roof yeah you you probably don't like him yeah probably don't care for cars if your mother is a duck you probably don't like Carson Wentz um all right uh Texans Bills the most the the craziest thing that happened in this game was that the game telecast went down for like five minutes because someone hit a utility pole in Buffalo. I love it.
Yeah, pretty cool. Celebrate responsibly.
Yeah, celebrate responsibly. So, yeah, and then Mitch scored.
But, yeah, the Bills just fucking destroyed the Texans. I think the Texans now are in that worst team category.
Davis Mills, maybe not. Maybe not.
Mills Mafia, down and also probably out. 0.8 QBR today.
I need some of those stats about Davis Mills. If Davis Mills had punted left-footed every single play, would his QBR have been higher? I need to know just how bad things got for Davis Mills 87 yards 4.1 yards per completion which that's I think that's worse than the four interceptions if you're not four interceptions you need to at least be bombing it out a little bit yeah but this was to the Buffalo Bills credit this is a game that they were supposed to win by 30 points and they won it by 40 40.
Yeah, no. The Bills are rounding into fine form.
Yeah, the Bills are, like, next week is going to be a great test of where the Bills really are, but they fucking killed, like, they killed the Texans. It was never in doubt.
Even Mitch got in, got a touchdown. Shout out Mitch, MVP.
But, yeah, but yeah they destroyed the Texans

I still

there's always one or two games

that just fucks me up for the entire season

the Steelers-Bills game

week one is going to fuck me up for the entire season

like I'm never going to get over that

mentally I don't know and it's just

it's going to make

me think the Bills have

issues that they don't have

and make me think the Steelers are better than

they are and they're total garbage

Thank you. it's going to make me think the Bills have issues that they don't have and make me think the Steelers are better than they are and they're total garbage.
So that game will change. They always say in gambling you have to kind of readjust and change how you think of teams week to week.
I cannot do that. I still don't understand how the Steelers beat the Bills.
Is there a way that we can take the replay of that game off the internet and actually put it on film and then burn that film? That would be great. It would help me visualize it and be able to get over it.
I don't know if there's a conversion service where we can do that, but we should look into it. But the Bills are – I'm so excited for next Sunday night because if the Bills win, obviously it's still all regular season.
Who the fuck knows? But if the Bills win in Kansas City next Sunday night, they are the prohibitive favorites to win the AFC Championship. I also like the fact that they shut them out and that they scored 21 points in the fourth quarter.
I love it when people interview the defensive coordinator after the game and the defensive coordinator goes, yeah, that was a point of pride for us this week to shut him out. We talked about it all week.
We just wanted to be prideful in the way that we went about our business today. So I like the Bills defense.
What do you think the over-under is going to be in Bills Chiefs? Guess the line. Guess the lose line.
I'm going to say, wait, ask Billy. Billy, are these two teams that could put up numbies? Huge numbies.
Okay, so... 57.5.
Shout out Dave for numbies. Are you taking the over or the under on the 57.5? See how I feel later in the week.
But no, no, you don't see how you feel. Are those two teams...
Oh, those are huge... Over teams.
Numbies. Big numbies.
Big numbies. I think 54.
I'm going to say 55.5. 56.5.
Oh, that was cool. Billy.
Yeah. Billy wins.
It's going over. 56 and a half.
Is that Sunday night primetime? Yeah. Yeah.
No, Sunday night non-primetime. That was a sick burn.
Is it in Buffalo or is it in Kansas City? No, it's in Kansas City. I wish it was in Buffalo.

Yeah, it would be awesome if it was in Buffalo.

But it's a better test now that it's in Kansas City.

That's a matchup of two Zubaz teams.

Yep, yep.

It's going to be great.

Yeah, the rat that stands in the end zone.

I'm checking the weather.

Casey Wolfe.

Casey Wolfe.

He's a wolf?

He's a wolf.

He looks like a rat.

He looks like Chuck E. Cheese.

He's got rat-like tendencies.

All right, so let's do the other team that we just talked about, the Steelers

uh

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I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know He's a wolf? He's a wolf. He looks like a rat.
He looks like Chuck E. Cheese.
He's got rat-like tendencies. All right, so let's do the other team that we just talked about,

the Steelers-Packers, because we talked about that Steelers-Bills game.

So the Steelers are so sad, so, so sad.

They have two plays.

They have two plays that they run all game.

They run either Deontay Johnson or Chase Claypool, streaking down the sideline, almost out of bounds, and Big Ben tries to throw a big looping pass to him that either overthrows them or is out of bounds. And then they have a dump off when they need six yards that gets them three and they had it happen twice today where it was two fourth downs that they passed the ball before the sticks and got tackled.
Like Juju Smith-Schuster tried to do the Kevin Dyson reach out in the Super Bowl, and he was like four yards short. It was so sad to watch.
We got robbed of the one Big Ben play that was awesome because we were watching the Jets-Titans game, but they're just not good. They're not a good football team.
I had a different outlook on Matt Canada's offense. I actually wrote this down because I have the Steelers' offense.
This is how they script out their plays. First down, hand off to Najee.
Second down,

pass to Najee for the exact same

amount of yards that he got you on

first down, but negative in the backfield.

So you're back to third and ten. And then

third down, throw two

yards short of the sticks. And then punt.
But they do

do the long pass. Once they

get down by double digits,

then they'll throw a long pass to Johnson

that sometimes it'll also land

like seven yards inbounds.

Too far inbounds for them to catch. But it's always

Thank you. they get down by double digits yes then they'll throw a long pass to johnson that sometimes it'll also land like seven yards inbounds yes far inbounds yes but it's always that same pass where it's one guy running down the sideline and big ben loves that throw he did hit it for a touchdown so that that happened and i think the packers are very good i really do i unfortunately think the packers uh again similar to what we just said with the Steelers-Bills, that Packers-Saints game will be like a huh for the rest of the season because I think the Packers are going to just go on a tear.
And I mean, their offense is very hard to stop. And they play just enough defense that it's, yeah, they're a really good team.
And it fucking hurts me to say, and I hate Aaron Rodgers but and he's got to cut his hair i can't he can't do this and also look like a fucking asshole you know what he's doing so he says he's growing it out for a halloween costume i i think we can safely assume that he's going to go as young michael scott from the office for halloween i think that's pretty obvious knowing what i know about aaron rogers they're gonna they're like slutty's out of like slutty Tiger King. They're going to win their next.
Steve Belichick. Yeah.
They're going to be 6-1 heading into their game against the Cardinals in week whatever it is. They're playing the Bengals, the Bears, and the Washington football team.
What do you mean? They're going to be 6-1. They're going to beat the Washington football team.
They're going to beat the Bears. They're going to beat like they're good they're a good football team and they're gonna and aaron rogers is gonna i'm sure now he like loves everyone in the green bay front office and he's like uh you know that was all just you know i got a little crazy but we're gonna win a super bowl and then the only thing i can hope for and i hold on to is that the packers like are the best team in the world at losing nfc championship games so that's all I got.
I'm rooting for Aaron Jones, though. He had a special pocket sewn into his jersey this week so he could keep his dad's ashes with him on the field.
Love it. So he wouldn't leave it in the end zone by mistake.
Roger Goodell's definitely going to find him. Well, yeah.
That is definitely... It's taunting.
No, it's not only taunting, but you can't wear different cleats. You can't alter a uniform.
He had a pouch sewn into the official. Yeah, that's illegal.

That's illegal.

Unless Roger Goodell can figure out how to make money off it.

And maybe he does like November is dad remembrance month.

Yeah.

And then every player that has a dead father wears their father with them.

Then he can sell it online for money.

Yeah, you sell the new jerseys, the custom jerseys to carry your family's ashes.

Football really is family.

Yeah, it's dad month in the NFL. As.
It's asheating season. Dead or alive, dad month.
Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't know.
The Steelers, though, they have to... I really think Big Ben might just...
He should just retire halfway through the season. Well, the good news is if Big Ben keeps playing this way, he's got to come back next year because Ben's like, I can't go out like this.
It's like if you're shooting in the gym, you've got to go out on a make. Right.
He's going to have somehow Marquise Pouncey is going to show up to the last game and they're going to sit on the sideline on the bench together being like, I didn't want it to end this way. It's not over.
I can't walk away like this. No, he's going to retire.
He might retire in the middle of the season. I actually, yeah, I'm going to say it right now.
I think it's bad, man. It's bad.
What are they going to do? Go to Dwayne Haskins? Yeah, I think they might have to. Because I don't know how, like, you can't.
He's, and it sucks because he still can throw the ball deep. It's not like a Drew Brees when he physically could not throw the ball deep.
Or Peyton Manning. When Peyton Manning at the end, when it was like Peyton Manning gets shot up before every single game and he has like 15 minutes where he has zip on his ball and then it just loses everything.
It just ducks everywhere. Big Ben actually can throw it.
It's just his mobility is so hampered. He also gets scared anytime he gets touched.
The fumble that he had where he fell backwards and just dropped the ball was just because he got scared. And I feel like he's also scared to throw interceptions, so he throws it way too far.
It's sad. It's sad to watch.
I don't want to see him go out this way. It's just not fun.
Even Phil Rivers was still Phil Rivers. Do you know what I mean? Big Ben is not Big Ben anymore.
If Tom Brady wins a Super Bowl and then retires after this year, I guarantee you Big Ben gets on the phone with Bruce Arians, his former coordinator. He's like, hey, I'd like to do with you what you did with Brady.
And then Arians has to figure out a way to tell him to fuck off. Yeah, well, he might just be like, alright, let's do it.
Let's throw deep. But fuck it.
Let's throw deep all game. I could see Ben seeing himself as the next Tom Brady to go down to Tampa Bay and get his career, like one last run at a Super Bowl.
Yes. But I don't think Bruce Arians is going to buy it.
No, no. It's sad.
Big Ben, please retire. I don't want to do that.
I don't want to watch you every Sunday. It actually depresses me.
It depresses me. I still want to watch Big Ben every Sunday.
It depresses me. It's very, very sad to watch.
All right. Cardinals-Rams.
Kyler Murray's the MVP through four games. We should actually rename it to the Russell Wilson MVP.
The Russell Wilson first half MVP. Kyler Murray is the winner this year.
Trayvon Diggs. He's mine.
Kyler Murray's the winner this year.

Kyler had another great 60-0

stop that he put on today. He's insane.

He's so fun to watch

when he scrambles around.

It was a really fun game to watch

overall, but I expected more

from the Rams offense early in the game.

Matt Stafford didn't look that good.

It was still like seeing those two teams

colors together on the field, just knowing that the Rams will be a good team at the end of the year. That's what made it fun and also the overhead.
But if the Rams played in the first half like they played on that last drive of the game when the game was completely out of hand and Sean McVay just got us the over because he's a nice guy with perfectly normal facial hair, then it would have been a much closer game. But obviously the Cardinals' defense I don't think has been talked about enough outside of Chandler Jones' first five-game sack.
Correct. First five-sack game.
But today they played pretty well. Yeah, no, they're a good unit.
And Kyler Murray just – he's the MVP because he does – I think half the time Cliff Kingsbury isn't even drawing up plays. They're just like, Kyler just run around and make something happen.
He's like, okay, I got it. And he does that all the time.
He keeps so many plays alive and makes something out of nothing that no other quarterback right now playing at that level can do. It's crazy because he does it all.
It's fucking insane. They showed Cliff Kingsbury about two dozen times on the sidelines during the game.
Not a single one at a time was he ever looking at the field. I don't think he looks at the field.
He looks like he's just at a club high-fiving his friends that are passing by. He's just chatting up his team, being like, hey, man, what's going on? He should have a vodka soda in his hands when he's on the sideline.
Because he had the sunglasses on indoors, which, what the fuck, man? That's like so last week. I don't think he's a vodka soda guy.

I think he's like a tequila on the rocks

because he's keto and he does a CrossFit gym.

Maybe-

That's the type of guy that he is.

He's like, I just got into this,

the agave or whatever the fuck it's called.

It's got the lowest cows.

Mezcal.

Mezcal, smoky.

Yeah.

I could see him doing just straight up sugar-free Red Bull and vodka yeah no ice no ice because you get more you get more you get more of the red no that's college cliff he's he listen he's got money now he lives in a nice fucking house in scottsdale with the white leather he's got to impress people so he's got to drink he's got to drink christopher maltasani's tequila. This is, Clooney brought this tequila for me.
Yeah, right, exactly.

I was happy to see, press people. So he's got to drink Christopher Moltisani's tequila.
Clooney brought this tequila for me. Yeah, Clooney tequila.
Right, exactly.

I was happy to see

this is going to sound weird

I was happy to see the Rams

play poorly knowing that

let down games can still happen in the pros.

It feels good. It feels good to know

that they really did think they won

the Super Bowl last week and they were riding

high and it

gives you a little sense of

I know how the world works that a team that wins a big fucking game is going to probably suck the next week it felt good to have that normalcy also breakfast club update not so good so cooper cup had 13 targets the next uh most targeted receiver had six so mattord, is he now forcing it to his best friend who he eats breakfast with every day? Okay, so who's number two on that? There was a couple guys with six. But 13 to six is significant.
It's still a lot. And Cooper Cup only had five catches out of those 13 targets.
I think the offense is going to be fine in the long term. We're not talking that much about how the Rams lost their running back before the season even started.
And we just all assume because of the track record that they've had recently that they can just put whoever in there. I think people talked about it.
I mean, they went 3-0 and everyone said that they were the greatest team in the world. So, I mean, they got, you know what I mean? Like, you can't then be like injuries because they lost a game.
I don't think that they have a balanced offense, though. Well, I know that Matt Stafford didn't look good today.
So it's like everyone was talking. I mean, everyone wants the Rams to be this great story of Matt Stafford, and I do too.
But you have to at least call it out when it didn't look good and it didn't look good today. So I think that's fair.
You can't then be like injuries. Because the first three weeks, you agree, like everyone in national media was like the Rams are the greatest thing ever.
Matt Stafford, this is incredible. I think he's going to be a Hall of Famer.
So I'm guilty as well. So when they lay a dud and they laid a dud today, they don't get to the end.
I mean, they ran the ball actually very well today.

23 rushes for 121 yards.

But they split it up. Darryl Henderson.

No, Darryl Henderson ran it the most.

14. Yeah.
14 attempts. I mean, they've been

fine. I just

think the Cardinals are just playing really, really good

football right now. And they've got a little chip on

their shoulder. They've got something to prove.
So,

Kyler Murray's my Russell Wilson

MVP. Count it.

I like the Cardinals, but there's

something about them that What's their uniforms? They're not letting me buy in entirely. It's the Arizona Cardinals.
It's the Arizona Cardinals, but even still, I feel like what we saw out of the Cardinals in the last couple years, especially like last year when it was supposed to be Cliff Kingsbury's offense is about to take over the entire NFL, and it didn't immediately do it. I have a very fine amount of patience when it comes to having my expectations set that high for an offense.
When it doesn't fulfill it in year one, then I just shut it off, and I'm like, Kingsbury's a fraud. Well, it's not even that.
Not Mr. Offensive Guru.
And now this year, their offense is just switching to an entirely new gear where Kyler Murray looks like, as you said, he's the first half MVP.

I was not prepared for the offense to take that big a step up. So mentally, I'm still in the middle of last year with these Arizona Cardinals.
It's not even that. It's as simple as this.
It's a visualization thing. The Arizona Cardinals wearing their road whites, playing in Green Bay, playing in New York,

playing in Dallas, playing in name Bay, playing in New York, playing in Dallas, playing in New Orleans, they don't win those games. They just don't.
That's a visual thing. That's why you don't trust the Cardinals, and I agree with you.
If you flash forward right now, and it is the last week of January, and the Arizona Cardinals are going to Green Bay.

Come on.

Are the Cardinals...

Come on.

That just doesn't make sense in my brain.

Some teams, you don't make sense of them winning a big game on the road

in a playoff environment.

In the cold.

The Cardinals are borderline candy-ass.

Not necessarily with their uniforms, which are sometimes candy-ass,

but just as a franchise.

They've got kind of a candy-ass vibe to them. Wait, is Larry Fitzgerald still playing? Nope.
Do you retire? I think low-key. I think low-key.
He's out. He's sneaky retired.
Wait. I just thought of that.
He's going to be a senator. He's a free agent.
What? So he didn't retire? Larry Fitzgerald retired. I just thought of this.
That's fucking crazy. Did you think about that? He has not announced he is retiring.
He doesn't feel the urge to play right now. That's retired.
That might also mean that he's going to come back for the playoffs. He's waiting for the right opportunity.
Yeah, so what would that be if he was going to come back later on this season? The Cardinals would be the right opportunity. No, but I mean later on this season.
When's the last that you can come back? It's like early November? Be honest. Poll in this room.
Has anyone thought of Larry Fitzgerald this year? I have not until right now. I've thought of him.
When? A couple weeks ago. Just casually? Yeah, it was like, where's Larry Fitzgerald? Is he still playing? There's no big announcement of his retirement.
Nothing. Literally nothing until right this second that it popped in my head.
You know what I thought about him? It was when they were playing the Vikings, and they showed a picture of him as a kid, as a ball boy for the Minnesota Vikings. Yeah, but that's crazy.
Did he play last year? Yeah, pretty sure. Fuck, Larry Fitzgerald, you deserve a retirement, dude.
What are you doing? All right. I don't know why I just thought of Larry Fitzgerald, but where the fuck is he? He'll be back.
Did he get hurt last year? I don't know. No, he didn't.
But A.J. Green, I guess, took his spot.
Oh, you think he got... This is also 1.30 in the morning, a little time check.
So I'm just thinking of Larry Fitzgerald. I do think that he's going to come back later on this year.
And play on the Cardinals? Play on the Cardinals, yeah. Especially if there's an injury.
He'd play his tight end? That'd be sick. Not with that ass.
I always wonder, definitely with that ass. That's a blocking ass.
He could block. No, I'm saying not that tight.
He's got a dump on him. Got it, got it.
All right, Seahawks Niners. Seahawks flipped it.
They flipped it on everyone. They didn't score in the first half, or they scored seven in the first half, and then they went Pazinga in the second half.
I don't really know how to judge this game because Jimmy Garoppolo got hurt and Robbie Gold got hurt, and there's nothing more hilarious than a kicker who's not a kicker having to kick. So it was the punter kicking and then Kyle Jusic holding, which is just a hilarious thing to watch.

And it was very clear it wasn't going to work.

And then Trey Lance going from playing one game last year in FCS to being thrown in an NFL game,

not as a gimmick quarterback, but like, hey, you actually have to play this entire second half. That has to be the biggest mindfuck of all time.
Yeah, when he passes, he reminds me of how Cap used to be on a bad day for the Niners. He's got a cannon.
He's Joe Milton. He guns it.
He can throw the dick out of the ball. Yeah.
It's going to go in the vicinity of where he's aiming, but he doesn't have any of the touch, and he doesn't have the anticipation, so they have to run a different offense. Where Jimmy G, his offense is almost entirely based on anticipating and then throwing a nice little softball that will sometimes get to where the receiver's about to be.
But Trey Lance, he just fucking guns it. Rifles it.
He just guns it. Pass people, over people, at people's feet.
So Jimmy G has a calf. He says, hopefully it's one of those things where I'll just be out for a couple weeks.
So it sounds like they got real into the nuts and bolts of the medical diagnosis of it. Kyle Shanahan's like, yeah, if you're lucky, you'll be alive tomorrow.
I actually saw he was tearing up because someone, a reporter asked if it was an Achilles. He's like, I hope not.
I was like, wait, you don't know? Yeah, I don't know why they let him talk about his injury. He has no idea.
He's just like, it feels like the back of my leg. Yes.
My calves are cramping up real bad. Speaking of injuries, George Kittle's got to stop doing this to us.
Because he is good for it probably once every like three weeks where his knee or some body part gets twisted and we sit here and we're like, well, his career is over. And then you look on the sideline and he's just rubbing it a little bit.
And then two seconds later, he's catching a ball and getting smoked over the middle and blocking everyone. He's a big war zone guy.
I think that he believes that after his body gets turned into the letter Z in some crazy hit from a weird angle, he can just go to the sidelines and hit self revive for like 15 seconds. And then he's like, okay, he hears the sound, maybe rubs the Joker tattoo on his arm real quick.
He's like, I'm good. Put me back in.
I refuse to admit that I'm injured. He just eats a pizza like in the old Ninja Turtles game.
Yeah, you just walk. Gets all his life back.
There's a medical kit that's on the ground on the sidelines. He just walks over it and absorbs it and his health goes back to 100.
Yes, yes. Someone just puts, like, literally holds up a briefcase with the red X on it or the cross on it and, like, presses it up against him.
He's like, all right, my life is back back. He recharges.
But I mean, I have no idea how he's able to do it. He is the ultimate example of mind over matter.
Yeah. Where if you just, if you truly believe that you're not actually hurt, maybe you aren't really hurt.
Also, the true definition of like how insanely different athletes bodies are than the regular people. Yes.
Because I watched that play, and all my leg bones would be broken, my hip bone would be broken, my neck would be broken, everything, and he's fine. The flexibility and the athleticism that these guys have, it's fucking insane.
We actually should have that one game a year where it's just playing and just see, play the game until everyone's injured. It'd be like one quarter.
It'd be very funny to watch because we think like injuries, oh my God, this guy's injury prone. Any of us go out there, we'd be injured in two seconds.
Well, yeah, the caveat is it would have to be all of us that take turns going on the field against other NFL players and just getting absolutely destroyed. Like pro versus Joes, not pros.
Like one of us versus an entire team of pros. If you had to go out there and play.
I'm sorry, it's 136. Pros versus Joe.
Yeah, Joe. What did you say? Maybe five snaps before you get an injury? Pre-game warm-ups.
Pre-game warm-ups. It depends on what snaps.
Yeah, it depends. But with the caveat that you have to be involved in the action.
So maybe three? Is there half a play? Three, I could maybe. Before the whistle is blown at the end of the play on play one, I'm getting at least two discs ruptured.
Yeah, I'm just hoping that I would fall correctly for the first one, and then the second one, maybe it's a false start, and then the third one, I'd break my neck. I think if you let me kick off, I could kick off without getting hurt.
And then run off the field? Yeah. Like the dog? Yeah, RIP.
I would pick up my... The dog at Boise.
Fuck, dude. Yeah, yeah.
No, he did. Dude, what? Well, there's a new one.
You almost had joy that you were able to tell me that. Yeah, I have joy.
My dog's literally dying right now. I'm sorry.
I mean, I'm serious. So, yes, I have no joy telling you that the Boise dog died.
That's not fair. What you just did.
What? That's not fair. But it's the truth.
I have no joy in that. It happened, like, I don't know, five months ago.

It's sad.

I remember I used my one, my dog just died, on, like, a complaint to Jeff D'Lo on the

dozen.

That was a big mistake.

That was a big mistake.

I could have kept that in my back pocket.

It's like using the, please God, help us score a touchdown in the preseason.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

What's her name?

Alakar.

Was he on the team? Alakar. I don't think he's on the team.
Practice squad, I think. Practice squad.
Shout out that guy and his mom. The only other note I had on this game was Jamal Adams, the accessory king of the NFC West, is back.
Yes. He's got more armbands on.
Do you see the guy on Texas? He does the leg bands. He had like 15 leg bands on.
The little tiny ones.

Hilarious. Maybe it's the Texas thing.

You have to be good to pull that off.

You have to be very good. Because if you're bad and you try to do it,

then that just makes it easier for the

coaches to cut you. People, yeah.

Who's the armband guy? Yeah, he's out of here. People will clown you.

Alright, Ravens Broncos to wrap it up.

Hollywood Brown gets

his nickname back for one week.

No, no, no.

Because he played well because we took his name away. Yeah, but I'm going to give it back.
I think he hurt us. It's a motivational tactic for him that if he doesn't have the nickname, he's always in a state of trying to earn it back.
But you got to give it back and then we got to take it away. It's just a back and forth.
Tell you what. Let's give it back to him during the week.
Okay. It's gone on Friday's show.
He was good though. He the big uh deep bomb in the first half I this was another this was kind of uh similar to the Panthers the Broncos I think are okay I think their defense is good obviously Teddy Bridgewater got hurt but he was playing poorly before he got hurt the Broncos have played no one and then the Raven are a legit team.
So you saw them have to step up in class and the Ravens kind of were able to control the whole thing. And then we got to see Drew Locke, which was nice.
Yeah, it was, I guess it was nice. Yeah.
I mean, he's not, it was lovely to see him able to play football still out there throwing a pick in the same way where you see see a friend from high school for the first time in 10 years.

Like, oh, hey, what's up, man?

How are you doing?

They did a little intro of him dancing on the sideline on the broadcast.

That was cool.

Lamar, by the way, second 300-yard game in his career.

Okay.

So there it is.

Good job, Lamar.

He's got two now.

Also, John Harbaugh kept the streak alive at the end of the game to get another consecutive game where the Ravens have 100 yards rushing. Oh, nice.
I forget how many streaks, what the streak's at right now, but they've got shit, what is it? Harbaugh admitted after the game, he's like, yeah, that's why even though the game was well in hand, we continue to run the football in the fourth quarter on that final possession just to keep that streak going. King of streaks.
King of streaks. Preseason streaks.
Yep. John Harbaugh knows all the weird streaks that you talk about in the comment section.
He's like Tim Kirchhen. I think he's a commenter.
I think that if you search far enough, he's probably like on pro football focus, like in the comment section. They're digging around for the real deep shit.
Yeah, 102. 102 yards.
102 yards. Ravens streak rushing.
Also, Le'Veon Bell is still in the NFL. Yep.
When someone said that today, they're like, Le'Veon Bell's going to play today. I was like, for who? Yeah.
Yeah, like what? Le'Veon Bell was on the practice squad this year. Le'Veon Bell has been in the league for, what, seven years? Actually, something tells me that Le'Veon Bell is one of those guys, when you guess how old he is, you think he's 33, and he's probably like 27.
Well, running backs, it never counts for running backs. You can never do that with running backs because they're always younger.
Jay, can you look that up, see how old Le'Veon Bell is? He's probably 28. 28, 29.
Like, running backs... 29.
Yeah, 29. 29.
Yeah, That makes sense. He's just...
Running backs age very differently. Oh, shit.
It was 43 games in a row, the Ravens' streak, of having a 100-yard rushing game. That ties the NFL record.
So next week, Carbaugh's definitely going to break it. Yeah, so that makes sense.
It does. That he really wanted to keep that alive because you're that close.

Because otherwise, you'd be like,

dude, what are you doing?

Who cares?

Like, that doesn't...

But John Harbaugh...

Like, the Harbaugh's definitely

think in the back of their minds.

John Harbaugh is advanced

analytically, clearly.

But there's something

deep down inside of him

that Jack Harbaugh

is, like, in his head,

like, whispering,

being like,

if you run the football, you win the game. Yeah.
If you have more rushing attempts than the other team, you end up winning. Yes.
But it's one of those nice places where the Venn diagram of old school football and then math geeks kind of converge where it's like, yeah, the number is absolutely correct. The reason that you're doing it doesn't always mean – it's a skewed stat to say if we run the ball more than the opponent, we win the game, because you get ahead and then you start running the ball.
Right, right. Whereas if you're behind, you start throwing it.
But it's not wrong. But I love that he's doing it.
Who are the Ravens playing next week? They're playing. They have a good game next week.
I think I just said who they were playing. I can't remember.
Again, it's 142 right now. Colts.
Colts. So not a good game.
Well, no, that's an old... A revenge game.
A city revenge game. Yeah, get to watch the trucks.
So they're going to get that record next week unless Kevin Costner's fucking John Harbaugh's wife. Yeah, or Darius Leonard has...
They'll postpone the game. Yeah, or Darius Leonard has like 50 tackles instead of his usual 28.
They don't go on the road again until November 11th. Wow, that's a little quirk.
I like that, Jake. Oh, it's going to be a Monday night football game against the Colts.
Four home games and a bye. Monday night football game against the Colts.
They're going to play the Mayflower Club. No, and they might do an animation of it, which would be so cool.
And then it would be like the two franchises since. Yep.
Oh, yes. As the trucks go, this truck went past the Super Bowl line and then this one.
Uh-huh. Oh, that's gonna be fun.
That's gonna be really good fun. Alright.
Great week four, though. Awesome witching hour.
Late games weren't that great, but overall, I would say four out of five balls. Well, yeah, four out of five balls is pretty good.
My team won. Your team won.
Billy. Your team won.
My team won. Hank? No.
Morally, it was a statement loss. Hank, where would you power rank your team in this room? This is uncharted territory.
One. The Patriots are better than the Bears, the Jets, and the Washington football team, without a doubt.
Without a doubt. If we play next week, the Patriots will be favored.
Against all of us. Am I wrong? Maybe not the Washington football team.
Probably the Bears and the Jets. I think the Patriots are probably better than the Bears.
I think they're better than the football team. But if I'm being honest, if you give me the truth serum.
If they fix their defense. Yeah.
I guess you guys know. But, I mean, if they fix their defense.
No. Yeah, if you fix your defense.
Yeah. And also, Zach Wilson, when he gets to play Bill Belichick the second time, watch out, right, Billy? Jake said a reminder.
Billy said a reminder. They're beating the Patriots in the playoffs.
Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, you know what's actually crazy? They tied second in the AFC East.
We have the NFL parody clock right inside the studio right now because the Dolphins, Jake's team, beat the Patriots, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah.
They're a lone win. So there you go.
So the Dolphins are better than the Patriots, who are better than... The Jets.
The Jets. No, no, no, who are better than the football team, who's better than...
Wait, they didn't beat the... How are the Patriots better than the football team? I'm just saying hypothetically.
Oh, yeah. Better than the football team.
Have they not played any common opponents? Why are you guys doing this why not why not this is

fun who have the Patriots we got to figure out the pecking order here all right we got this we got Patriots have only beat the Jets right the Jets beat the Titans the Titans beat the Seahawks and who else do the Titans beat who else Most of the Titans beat Tractor Cito.

Line, line, line.

Colts?

All right, and the Colts just beat the Dolphins. And who else did the Titans beat? Who else did the Titans beat? Tractor Cito.

Colts?

The Colts just beat the Dolphins.

Only beat the Patriots.

The Seahawks beat the Niners.

The Niners beat the Eagles.

The Eagles didn't cover the spread against the Cowboys.

Eagles beat.

Who did the Eagles beat? We're starting to get into the part of the season where I can't remember. Eagles beat the Falcons.
No. Football team...
Who did the Falcons beat? The Giants. The Falcons beat the Giants.
The Giants beat the Saints. The Saints beat the Patriots.
What about the Jets playing the Falcons next week? No, stop. We're on something.
The Saints beat the Packers. Okay.
And the Packers beat the Bears. No, they haven't yet, but yeah, sure.
In theory. Yes, in theory they have beaten them.
So many times. They beat the Steelers.
The Steelers beat the Bills. And the Bills beat the football team.
Yeah. So there's that.
Yeah. Then who'd you guys beat? So we beat the Giants.
And the Falcons. And the Falcons.
I can't. It sounds like the Bears might be number one.
I think. You can't connect.
We're walled off. The Bears haven't played anybody.
We're walled off. This is great.
All right. let's get to football.
People are going to be so mad about that. It is 145.
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one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com. Now, Football Guy of the Week, Billy Go.

So our first Football Guy of the Week nominee comes from the Great White North in Canada,

University of Regina quarterback Sawyer Bittman. What? Regina? What is it? University of Regina.
Regina. Regina? University of Regina.
Yeah, so basically this dude had a big upset of Calgary, who apparently is the Alabama of Canadian college football. Are you specifically trying to avoid American college football and NFL? You went high school to CFL? No, this is Canadian college football.
Are you trying to troll us? Are you trolling? If you guys have seen this video, he scores a touchdown, he jumps to the end zone, He's gushing, like leaking blood out of his face,

and he's giving a sideline interview,

and he's like talking to the reporter,

and he's like spitting blood at the reporter just talking about scoring,

and it's a really awesome video.

Check it out.

But it was in a huge upset of Calgary, which is the best,

who was number one at the time, so it was a big underdog win,

and this guy was just balling out and bleeding out of his face. There's a method to how Billy chooses his football guys of the best, who was number one at the time, so it was a big underdog win, and this guy was just balling out and bleeding out of his face.
There's a method to how Billy chooses his football guys of the week. You either have to be bleeding or drunk.
And then Billy is like, yeah, okay, I'm going to pencil you in. It's like old school wrestling.
It's like underground wrestling. This is college football American.
He had thumbtacks sticking out of his back. He threw him through a cell.
You should actually try to recreate Attitude Era Wrestling and see if we catch on.

It's a great video.

Anyway, our second nominee is Case Hatch, fullback for Arizona State.

Okay.

So he broke his second face mask of the season on a huge come across crackback block, and he wants to take all of his broken face masks because he thinks there's going to be more of them and put them on a chain. I like that.
That's our free ball. We're warming up.
That's good. I like that one.
My third nominee for Football Guy of the Week is Vanderbilt head coach Clark Leah who headbutted a player after an interception and in his post-game prep conference he said I guess in my heart I am still a fullback always seeking contact human body craves it the fourth is Joe Judge Joe Judge said if XL was the key to winning football games is that XL like the shirt size? XL no like No, like the spreadsheet. We talked about this last week.
I know. We mentioned it, but he's on the list.
If Excel was the key to winning football games, Bill Gates would be killing it right now. Great Joe Judge cook.
He also put it on the books. Didn't he say he's not afraid to go for it? I don't live in a place of fear.
Exactly. I like that.
I like when football coaches get real introspective. Joe Judge is the type of football guy right now where he, like, if he could just get everyone to buy in, like, maybe 115%, they could win a Super Bowl.
But more likely than not, they're all going to be like, you fucking suck, dude. I'm done running laps.
You're fired. Well, almost the problem is the more he pushes to try to get above the 110% that he demands, the more he'll probably end up alienating some of his good players.
But also at the same time, the more Dave Gettleman will love him and be like, I'm glad that you're making your team hate you. That's how I know you're a great hire because you're a real old school football guy.
He's he's, oh man. Quick shout out to last week's winner, Connor Davis, the Poplarville offensive lineman with the stack of pancakes.
He won. Wait, why was he eating pancakes? Because he likes pancake blocks.
Wait, does he eat the pancakes? He likes to eat pancakes as well according to his photo. But does he eat them? I think when he has a bunch of pancake blocks.
And he also does them. He does them.
He eats them. And what does doing them mean? Hank is going to kill me.
Alright, let's get to, let's wrap up with who's back in the week. I vote for the Arizona State fullback.
Me too. Hey, what's going on there, pal? We saw you at the hockey game on.
Do I know you guys? I'm Ryan Whitney. I got a drink named after me.
Not a big deal. Pink Whitney? That's what I thought.
See you, fellas. I invented the thing, you pigeon.
Pink Whitney for legendary moments. Okay, Hank, who's back of the week to wrap us up? Mine's back of the week is baseball.
All right. Crazy weekend in baseball.
There was a lot on the line for a lot of games. There was a chaos scenario that could have unfolded today in the AL with the wild card and there being a tiebreaker.
But it worked out where the Red Sox and the Yankees both won kind of dramatically. The Yankees wanted to walk off.
The Red Sox wanted a go-ahead home run in the top of the ninth. So they're going to be playing each other in a one game wild card on Tuesday in Boston.
So it's exciting. It's that time to be here to jump on the baseball bandwagon.
Well, you did it a month ago. Yeah, exactly.
I've been on the bandwagon, but. I'm sad the chaos didn't happen because I just wanted to see how it all got sorted out.
Like I feel robbed by the fact that we spent all day talking about all these scenarios, and then it was just like, oh, yeah, there's no extra game. I want to see a game tomorrow.
I want to just have a game at, like, 3 o'clock tomorrow. The Blue Jays and Mariners were both, like, good stories.
The Blue Jays have been playing really well, and the Mariners obviously not being in the playoffs for so many years. So the stat— It would have been cool, but I'm happy.
Obviously, it wasn't. I would have been cool if it was the Red Sox were in and then it was a three-way tie or whatever.
I would have liked it just to see how Rob Manfred's plans, when he laid out the scenarios for how these tiebreakers would be resolved. I would want to see a scenario where it ended up that they ended up having to play a double header starting at 10.30 a.m.
because this was the one scenario, the nightmare scenario for the league office.

I want to see his decisions get exploited to their fullest extent.

But, I mean, Yankees, Red Sox, good for baseball.

Yeah, it is good for baseball.

Hank, how are you feeling?

Are you fully, like, what will happen if they lose?

I'll be devastated.

Okay.

More devastated than tonight, I think.

Yeah, I mean, Garrett Cole on the bump.

This is why you pay him all the money.

Hopefully the Red Sox can fuck his day up.

Especially, it's just one of those things, too, where, obviously, you know,

I'm not going to pretend like I watch 162 games in the regular season I have watched a bunch this last month but the added factor of Jake Marsh and all the other Yankee fuckhead fans that we have to deal with and see and interact with every day it means more Jake Marsh is a real fuckhead I think fuckheads I think it Marsh. He's an F-U-C-K head.
Yeah, when you think of just Guido New York asshole fans, you got Jake Marsh right in your head. One thing I don't want to see happen.
But we have such a wide variety of every type of Yankee fan in the office, and they all come together and just become one insufferable force. Yeah.
Do we really have a wide variety of them? Yeah, like Marty Mush is the, oh, I'm on the Yankees fan. That's your big cat greeting you after you play golf.
Boo! Like that, yeah. Wouldn't you agree, though? We have, like...
You know, we have the geeks. We have the, like, guidos.
We have, yeah, Jake, nice guys. I would really just hate to see Giancarlo Stanton go 0 for 5 with five strikeouts.
Or his five home runs. That would be tough.
That would be funny, too. Yeah, he didn't want over the monster last week.
I want to throw this out there. I saw this tweet.
Danny O'Neal, I think he's a Mariners beat writer. He said, did you know in the Mariners 44 years of existence, they've experienced more ruptured testicles, five, than playoff appearances, four.
That's incredible. I think we all beat that stat.
Yeah, that's incredible. We have exactly the, I don't want to speak for everyone, but I have the exact same amount.
Of what? Of ruptured testicles and playoff wins. Yes, that is a fact.
Yes, but he, no, you don't want to speak for everyone, but I have the exact same amount. Of what? Of ruptured testicles and playoff wins.

Yes, that is a fact.

Yes.

But he...

No, you don't have more ruptured testicles than playoff wins, though.

No, I'm saying I have the same amount.

So I beat that stat personally.

What do you mean?

They have more ruptured testicles than playoff wins.

Playoff appearances.

Playoff appearances.

I'm tied at zero.

Yes, yes.

Unless you count the Team Head Express. Five in the last...
You win? Yeah, did you win? I'll check. Mike Parent in 1980 won his first game and then finished 1-16 on the year and also ruptured a testicle.
Jose Manzanillo ruptured both his testicles. That's tough.
Yeah, Mitch Hanegar ruptured one of his testicles And then, I don't know what the other one was But Jesus Christ, that's a lot of ruptured testicles Who do you want to win that game? I don't, I just want pain for either Like, I want drama, you know what I mean? Don't you agree that it would be more funny for the Yankees fans to get that pain? I think it depends. Bossy's been through enough this week.
I just want drama. I'm going to pull my sports journalism card.
Because there's going to be a live stream. Watching it's going to be hilarious.
So whoever's up, I want to lose is really the answer. Whoever's winning, I want to lose.
I have some breaking news. Late.
I wanted to lose late. Breaking news.
The Seamhead Express. That's the 157 AM breaking news.
The Seamhead Express. It was not meant to be.
I lost 4-6 in the championship against Schilling's Bloody Sock. Oh, no.
It was a great run, though. It's something to build on.
You got to learn how to win before you can win. I think you're going to have a little hangover next year.
Next year? What are the stats? Loser hangover. Fuck.
That's tough. Fuck.
What a story that would have been. BFT, your who's back of the week.
My who's back of the week is streakers. Streakers getting lit up on the field.
At Boise State, a ref ended up taking out the streaker and body slam. But I love when the refs get into it.
When they're just like, enough is enough. The stadium security is not doing a good enough job.
And just lit them up. I do want to say that we use the word streakers way too liberally here in America.
Yes. If you're not naked, I'll even say you can be wearing underwear, and I'll still count that as a streaker, but we can't be calling everyone that runs on the field a streaker when they're fully clothed.
You're just a trespasser. Correct.
I need you to at least make an effort and remove most of your articles of clothing to be considered a streaker.

So I don't like it when they say there's a streaker on the field.

That's bullshit.

It's not a streaker.

Yeah.

No, I agree.

Not a streaker and less nude.

We get way too many.

Yeah.

Someone just runs.

That doesn't count.

All right.

My Who's Back of the Week is Urban Meyer.

If you missed it, Urban Meyer was trending all of Saturday and a good portion of Sunday as well because Urban Meyer decided to have a night out on Friday. He decided to have a night out and there was a video that was released of a younger woman, not his wife, grinding on him.
Urban Meyer kept his hands to himself and yeah, he was very funny because it's always funny to joke about Urban Meyer. So he had his hands in front of front of him yep don't know what the hands were doing at the time that was obscured by the way he was sitting it looked like it might have been a tip drill yeah that he was doing but who knows who knows it but it seems like Shelly Meyer his wife is cool with it yeah so I actually thinking about it more after we got our usual jokes out and erb meyer's gonna step away for you know sex addiction or she's gonna step away because he has you know issues or whatever it was we were all tweeting out you know him collapsing and everything i thought about it more i think shelly meyer might win wife of the year because she tweeted something like i'm at home with my grandkids this is is my choice or something like that.
That made me lend me to believe that she was like urban go out and remember why you're urban Meyer go out and hit on some chicks and get that swagger back. Get that get that charisma back.
Get that fucking confidence back. I think she actually sent him out to be like go out pick up a chick don't have sex with her but pick her up and remind yourself why you're the alpha why you're the big bull and what he was doing is a big time alpha move where you just stand up at a wall have you seen like a guy at a party in college would stand against a wall and a girl would just like find him and just start slowly backing up into him and he's just standing there like yeah she came to that's what urban did yes he just he turned the light on he turned the flame on and a moth came fluttering over i really do think that this is like the greatest move that his wife's ever pulled i would i'm i'm gonna bet the jaguars next week of course because of this he has confidence in him he's reminding himself why he's urban meyer it's also hilarious that he doesn't realize that, like, I think he was out in Ohio because they played on Thursday, so he probably maybe didn't go back.
You're the most famous guy in the state of Ohio, and you're just getting grinded on. It's crazy that Urban Meyer – actually, you know what? It's not crazy that Urban Meyer doesn't realize that everything gets videotaped these days Some football coaches, when they see shit that trends on Twitter, they're like Oh, that's just a Twitter thing that's going on It is a video of you at a bar getting grinded up, but once it becomes an issue on Twitter, it almost becomes less real to them, because now it's a conversation of conversation of oh I can't believe that this video got

put on Twitter now Twitter's going nuts about it

and then he can like commiserate with

his wife about that instead of being like

hey looked like you were having another stroke

Urban if you know what I'm saying

yes so he's

you know what he had his wedding ring on

it's fine Urban Meyer just let Urban

Meyer get his confidence

back breaking moves T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- on. It's fine.
Urban Meyer, just let Urban Meyer get his confidence back. Breaking moves.

Breaking moves.

Bill Belichick

pulled a Coach Gay.

He went into the opposing locker room?

He went into the Buccaneers locker room. What'd he say?

I don't know. You son of a bitch.

He was there for 24

minutes. 24? Alone with Brady in a secluded place.
Is that what it says? Yeah. What happened in those 24 minutes? I don't know.
It was planned. Belichick just left 24 minutes later.
I love that there was a beat writer standing outside with a stopwatch. Patriots coach Bill Belichick's been in the Bucs locker room for over 20 minutes now.
He went in there, and he and Tom Brady retreated to a quiet area, and Belichick's just left 24 minutes later. Oh, shit.
That probably got very emotional. Probably.
It would be funny if they just, like, fucked Roger Goodell. No, I'm going to say fucked.
No, if they were, like, he... Belichick just grinded on him for a little bit.
No, if they were just a little bit. Or imagine if they were just wrestling.
Like they were wrestling and fighting it out. But they had a mutual combat rule of no face punches.
Because we don't want anyone to know that we were fighting. And they were just fucking kidney shotting each other for 24 minutes.
I love that though. Because now everyone's going to have their theory on what was discussed then oh yeah oh yeah uh Billy you're who's back or no Jake you go and then Billy you go and wrap us up Jake my who's back is uh doppelgangers so a few months ago people there was a viral video yeah of people thinking someone was me at a bar oh really it was not it wasn't no Jake.
Yes, we found the kid. Hank's a witness.
Right. And now there's another picture of our friend Rudy.
We work with Rudy. He thinks he saw me in Soho, but it's not me.
Wait, what? You don't think that looks like me? Look at the pictures. The feet going out at 90 degree angles.
No, that's you. 180 degree angles.
That's you. Jake, him but jacked.
I've noticed that. That was mean.
That guy's wearing a backpack. That was mean, Billy.
It's two in the morning and you're saying mean shit like that. Is this how you felt when people tagged you playing at the bars? No, because people just see any man or woman with sunglasses.
Very mean what Sam Schwartz did today, by the way. Very mean what Sam Schwartz did.
Short hair and glasses. Very mean.
First time. And funny.
It was very mean, Sam. Did you? No, I didn't.
I'm five and a half, Sam. I didn't even like it.
I didn't even like it. I liked it.
I saw it. I liked it.
I liked it personally. Yeah.
Let me be, like, I personally liked it a lot. The Jets ball boy with the glasses.
But I didn't like it. Yeah.
It was funny funny in theory. Theoretically, I had a good laugh.
Jake, don't take this the wrong way. Uh-oh.
Uh-oh. No, I have an honest question for you.
When you were in high school, that guy's wearing a backpack. Did you ever own a roller suitcase? No.
Okay. When was the first? I just wanted to ask.
I just take this as offense either. Okay, follow-up question.
What grade were you in when you first wore a suit to school? Never in high school. In middle school, maybe? Never in middle school.
Was that picture day? I wore a suit in picture day when I was like six one time. It's like a polo and khaki shorts.

Is it a suit?

Maybe.

Suit in college.

I learned a time to work?

Until college.

Suit in college to class?

Well, sometimes if it was like a broadcast day, yeah.

You're right, broadcast day.

Can't tell you about that.

Had to.

Yeah.

All right, Billy, wrap us up.

My who's back of the week is oil spills.

There's an oil spill of Southern California. Guess what else is happening soon? Rob Schneider movie.
Rob Schneider movie is coming out in November. Interesting.
So that's my who's back. Just pointing it out.
Correlation, causation, who knows? And to wrap us up, I knew there was something very unique about this beginning of the NFL season. We've had crazy primetime games.
Adam Schefter just tweeted, there have been 15 games in this season with the game-winning score in the final minute of regulation or in overtime. The most such games through the first weeks of a season in the past 50 years.
Whoa. What did you say, Hank? He tweeted that like a minute ago.
Yeah, Billy's giving us a real-time update. Yeah.
There we go. Okay.
So that's what... You knew, though.
Cam actually helped me out. I'll chat.
That's what Goodell's doing this year, because like last year, the flags were up, down during the pandemic. This year, he's just making sure that we have close games.
Yeah, Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah, thank you, Commissioner Goodell.
Wise as always. Billy, what do you got? What do you got on your plate? No, we're done.
Plate, it's done. We're done.
It's been a long show. And I really, I'm thinking back to the, like, who beat who.
That's going to torture me. We've got to figure that out.
Let's keep the show. All right, the show is officially over.
All right, numbers, numbers. For the rest of the show, we're going to try to figure out the wheel of death.
Numbers. Numbers, 97.
8, 8, 8. 6.
63. 63.
New. All right.
New? New. All right.
We have like 15 left. 63 divisible by 7.
It's got to be the...

The Patriots beat...

The Seahawks beating the...

Where do we start from?

Where do we start from?

Are we starting from the Patriots?

It's very easy.

The Patriots beat the Jets.

The Jets beat the Titans.

The Dolphins beat the Patriots. The Patriots beat the Jets.
The Jets beat the Titans. The Titans beat the Seahawks.
The Seahawks beat... The Niners.
The Niners. The Niners beat the Eagles.
The Eagles beat the Falcons. The 49ers also beat...
The Falcons beat the Giants. The Giants beat the Saints.
The Saints beat the Packers. The Packers beat...
Who have the Packers beat? The Lions. No, no, dead in there.
Who else have the Packers beat? Packers beat the Steelers. Steelers and who else? The Niners.
The Packers beat the Steelers. The Steelers beat the Bills.
The Bills beat the Washington football team. Football team beat the Giants and the Falcons.
So we're back. Damn it.
Hang on. Wait, who else did the Bills beat? The Bills beat...
Texans, Washington, Miami. Who beat the Patriots? Wait, no, no, the Texans.
Who do the Texans beat? The Texans beat... The Jaguars.
Fuck, that's a bad one. Bills beat who? The Dolphins, who beat the Patriots.
Dolphins, Texans, Washington football team. Dolphins.
No, that doesn't work. Wait, do we go back to the Saints? No, we go Washington football team.
And then, yeah, we're fucking stuck. God damn it.
Bills beat the Packers. The Packers, if we went Packers.
Bills beat the Bears in the preseason. No, Niners.
Oh, no, I already did Nin the Niners beat They beat the Eagles And the Lions The Niners beat the Eagles The Lions didn't beat anyone Can we go back to the Saints Saints beat who The Patriots Fuck Saints beat the Patriots Yeah, Saints? The Patriots.

Fuck.

Saints beat the Patriots and the Packers.

Yeah, we're stuck.

Who did the Packers beat?

We already did that.

The Lions and the Steelers.

And the Niners.

And the Niners.

Who beat the Eagles? Who beat the Niners. Who beat the Eagles.

Who beat the Falcons. Falcons.

Which is who.

I kind of wish that the Falcons had won today.

Yeah, that would have made everything better?

Yeah, this show would have been 30 minutes shorter.

Way to go, Arthur Smith.

See you guys Wednesday.

Love you guys.

Sloths move so slow, moss grows on them. Time find Shy away Time I'm coming for you lover Time Shy away Time I'm coming for you lover Time Take on me Take me on I'll be gone And I don't change It's the living time I'm all decided But I'm being stolen away.
It's early learning, life is okay. Say after me.
Time. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Shy away. I'm coming for your lover.
Time. Take me on me.
It's the living time. Take me on me.
It's the living time Take me on

It's the living time

I'll be gone

Without your dream

Time

It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports.