CFB Week 1 With Andy Staples, Larry 6 Has Died, & Mt Rushmore Of Ref Calls

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have college football back.

I'm not going to break it all down. We have who's back of the week.
Oh, look, there's Cowher at the U.S. Open.

Looking good.

Nice pick, Cowher.

Looking good, Cowher.

See the kind of shirt that he's wearing right now?

We're just doing live in.

The mock turtleneck polo shirt.

Yeah, it's an old coach's move for sure.

It's been a while.

Cowher should get his name back out in there.

You know every now and then when you're trying to look for a pay increase?

Yeah, Bill Cowher. It's like, you know what? He's been watching film in the mountains of North Carolina for the last three years.
He's ready to come back. Yeah.
All right. So we have who's back of the week.
We have Mount Rushmore of referee calls. No, calls.
Yeah. Referee calls.
I fucked that up. Referee calls.
So anything a referee does in any of the sports and it's going to be a great show.

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Okay, let's go. I love washing, and then I can't blame all on the sun.
Oh, no. We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher. It's Part of My Take, presented by Barstool Sports.
Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by Dave & and busters the best place to watch a football game this fall today is tuesday september 7th and larry the goldfish is dead that fat bitch this is where i should say something emotional something sad about larry six passing away. Longest living Larry, three years and one day.
Also the fattest living Larry. I'll say something.
And did nothing for us. I'll say something.
Larry the goldfish. Wait, keep playing that.
Keep playing that. Larry the goldfish was a fish.
Mm-hmm. And he lived for a period of time.
Mm-hmm. Yep.
That's about it. He was a goldfish.
He was a goldfish. And his name was Larry.
You know what? I'm going to say something nice about Larry the goldfish, Larry Six. Larry Six, his only purpose in the world was proving to all the haters and PETA that our fishes don't die suddenly and quickly.

And now that he's dead, he has no purpose whatsoever.

I'll say something nice about Larry too. Because that was it.

We literally just pointed to him.

Larry the Goldfish number six was so boring that he actually made me want to get back

into doing more Larry the Goldfish content with whatever Larry the Goldfish would follow up after him. Larry the Six was a stupid fat fuck.
And now we can say Lucky Larry Seven. Lucky Larry Seven.
There it is. Sevens are always lucky.
And also, here's another nice thing about Larry Six. I've done two nice things.
One was that he just existed so that we could point to him and say, hey, not all of our fish die in like three weeks. Again, he now is irrelevant because that was his only purpose is to just stay alive and fat.
And then the other thing I'll say nice about Larry Six is that he died at a perfect time. He didn't wait till week two or week three.
We didn't have to go through the whole, oh, Larry Six, you're still here. No, he died before football started so i appreciate that from larry i think larry knew that it was time yeah he could feel it and well i just like that and i don't think that it's worthwhile for me to stay around for another season um spider was his best friend so i do feel bad for spider a little bit because really that's he was his only friend just so everyone's clear we're not talking about an actual spider yeah because that is confusing to some people will definitely listen and be like wait a spider was your goldfish someone say that the only reason it lasted so long was because spider was taking care of him and not you guys no yes i would great job he took care of him who's his best friend and i felt bad for spider until i saw spider walk into the office today.
And then he saw Larry. He's like, well, I guess Larry's dead.
So it kind of rolled right off Spider's back like water off a duck. It probably is a relief to Spider because his entire paycheck was going to feeding Larry.
That fat fuck. He was so fucking fat.
So yeah, Larry, whatever. He's done.
We got a new one coming. We're going to start start doing picks i don't even know if we're gonna do another goldfish i i'd be down to to branch out to maybe a different type of shark a shark a baby shark a baby shark oh a baby shark would be good wait no but hank actually said that we need to find something that's that's that's exactly why not a baby how part of my take works for people who uh are always like hey hey, what's it like behind the scenes? Hank, just before we started taping this, said, we have to make sure that the next fish is small so we can use it to pick games with the net.
And then we turn on the cameras and we're like, how about a shark? There are small sharks out there. Billy knows.
How about a shark? There's piranhas. Yeah, we can.
Oh, yeah. You want to get a piranha? I like that.
You can get a piranha. And then, oh, we could put actual meat into the tank.
If the Falcons win the Super Bowl, put my pinky in there. There you go.
Just let it gnaw it off. They're dime-sized for $5 in Bayonne, New Jersey.
Wait, but do they stay alive? Yeah. That sounds like dime-sized.
No, quarter-sized. No, they got bigger.
They just got bigger in two seconds. Are they round? Why do you keep using circular coins? It's a young one.
Is someone just selling you coins in a tank and telling you that they are fish? It's right shark on the side of it. Billy's like, I got this new sick yellow fin.
I'm absolutely getting a piranha. You know what? Billy, you were made for this moment.
You were made to be our fish guy. Yeah, no, Hank.
Don't shake your head. Don't fucking shake your head.
Is it unethical to have fighting fish? You ask me a question, I answer the question. To become like the Michael Vick of fish? No, I think that's totally fine.
It's actually highly illegal. Oh, it is? Siamese fighting fish.
Oh, okay. You can't say that.
Conjoined. Yeah.
Wait, but why is that illegal? Can't fight fish. Why? It's illegal.
But you can eat them. Who said? Who said? PETA.
No, PETA's not the law. PETA's not the law.
Yeah, since when does Billy start respecting PETA's wishes? No, because they used to do it illegally in Chinatown, and they had to ban it because there was a lot of crime syndicate fish fighting ring. If we keep asking Billy questions, he's going to get deeper into something that's not real.
No, there's crime syndicates around the fighting fish. Let's just get a cute purple fish.
Okay. Purple fish.
Or like pink or something colorful. A pink fish.
Let's get a beta fish. Yeah.
There's glow in the dark fish. Okay, let's get one of those.
Yeah, let's go. Yeah, do Larry's picks in the dark? That'd be sick.
Billy, back to just not being able to fight fish.

You fuck frogs.

Allegedly.

What about an eel?

Could we get an eel?

Eels creep me out.

No thanks.

Octopus?

A loach.

Octopus would be cool.

I saw the octopus teacher.

I love octopuses now, not octopi.

Octopussies?

Yeah.

All right, yeah, football's back, though. so we've already forgotten about larry and college football college football's back we'll figure out the larry situation it was awesome to watch uh a full slate of college football with fans in the stands everything about it was fucking it just ruled saturday that like last year was football but it i didn't realize how much we missed last year until this saturday and i was like wow look at all these games all these fans chaos everywhere the badgers are already dead it's just football's back football is great i pulled a rookie move though on saturday lost a charge by like 3 p.m.
Oh, you can't do that. So charge ran out real early.
And the phone goes through cycles because you can upgrade your phone like once every two years. Then you get that new sweet battery going.
Forgot about last year was not my year for an upgrade. So now I've got like a dead phone.
And you feel like you're just stranded on an island. I felt like I was Tom Hanks in castaway after post 3 p.m when i couldn't refresh twitter every 20 seconds i don't i don't

leave my house on a saturday or sunday in the fall without a big clunky charger in my pocket i go old

school i'm not talking about like the mophie or anything i'm literally like just find me a plug

i just need a plug i'll fucking plug this thing in i'll leave it with anyone it's the best thing

in football season like everyone has their phone it's probably your most prized possession yes it has all of your information on it but when it comes to a gambling saturday or sunday i will hand my phone over to a bartender who does not give a fuck about it and be like here put it next to the blender and the margarita mixer and a bunch of ice i don't care i just need to get some juice so i can get some some bets in one time my server was like yeah i no problem i'll get it charged for you but it's 50 an hour and i was like yeah done whatever and she was like i'm just joking but that was that was a joke i was like all right well 100 yeah drive a hard bargain you talked your way out of it because i was gonna pay no questions asked all right so let some games real quick. We have Andy Staples.
We're going to break down everything. Clemson, Georgia was a snooze fest, but Georgia gets their big win.
Kirby Smart gets the monkey off his back, kind of. I feel like Kirby Smart did a lot, not just for himself, but for Kirby's worldwide win.
He's got to be the most successful person in this century named Kirby. Well, you forget about the cartoon guy.
No, Kirby's Dream Land. I'm counting him.
Yeah, no, he's got to be the most successful person in the in this century named

kirby well you forget about the the cartoon guy no kirby's dream i'm counting him yeah no he's number one no kirby super smash bro yeah yeah but kirby hasn't really done much since like 2008 but he's still number kirby was great he was just was he an animal was he a ghost he was like a ghost marshmallow that just swallowed everything up yeah but every time i see kirby smart you do think about Kirby the big blob

and the fatter

that his cheeks get,

the more that his visor pushes his his fat face out a little bit you start it doesn't look great for him but every now and again it's good to see kirby win one yes like he started he started to get that whole label of like it's kind of like mark rick when he coached at georgia just everyone that coaches there if you don't beat alabama then you become the this guy can't win the big one game yes this was big for him this is big for kirby's worldwide it was big for kirby's worldwide uh the badgers fell on their face i'm still i'm still gonna believe in graham mertz i'm not gonna get off this uh train uh that sucked though but you know what in a weird way i was sitting there on sat 3.30, and I was like, guess what? Losing the first game. My only real takeaway is the first game change that they've made where you had to play conference opponents sucks.
I don't like it. I really liked starting the season against South Florida or UNLV or Akron or someone and putting up like 60 points and not even having to turn my brain on

until like the third or fourth week of September.

I don't like this.

What I love about those games is every single fan base out there

of like a decent school gets to spend.

You get an entire bonus week of getting to claim

that your team is really, really good this year.

And then you get to compare resumes. You're like, yeah we beat uh college of charleston by 55 points yes oh yeah well we beat western kentucky by 61 points then you have to go back and forth and figure out what that conversion rate is yeah and each fan base can get a claim to yeah we should be ranked higher than we are right now i i miss that i want the cupcakes i want the cupcakes back cupcakes delicious.
I don't know why we ever look down on cupcakes. Starting all of September and just eating a shitload of cupcakes is a great way to start the college football season.
But yeah, the Badgers losing the first game is a weird thing because it's like, all right, well now I can't be let down because it's already happened. I'm sure they'll find a way to get back in it to then let me down, but I'm like calmly at peace.
I was like, well, that was it's almost the it's the what's Homer Simpson's dad's name? Abe Simpson. Yeah, it's a walking in and walking out.
Like that was my that was my 2021 Wisconsin Badger season. I walked in.
Oh, OK. And then walked out.
Done. It's like kill me fast.
Yeah. Don't torture me.'t William Wallace me.
Don't make me last the entire season getting drawn and quartered until you finally decide to cut my head off. Yes.
Do it immediately if you're going to do it at all. My big complaint about week one is that I wish that Notre Dame had won more convincingly so that we could get the narrative of Notre Dame being this is the year where they're actually going to challenge some of the big boys, but they ended up winning in overtime they won by three points which I could you could make the argument that that's a win for Florida State yes given the expectations correct for where they were and Mackenzie Milton was an awesome story uh Joe Tessitore I think used the word catastrophic 75 times um it was a very significant knee injury that he suffered and it was an awesome thing that he was like back in in there.
It was basically the college football version of Alex Smith. He hadn't played in three years.
He came back. He looked good.
Also, shout out the ghost of Bobby Bowden. So everyone was saying Bobby Bowden broke up that last pass in regulation to put Notre Dame into field goal range.
I feel like if that was Bobby Bowden, he wasted it at the wrong time on like a third down conversion. Like, why wouldn't you just wait till overtime? I don't know.
Whatever. Either way, shout out to Ghost of Bobby Bowden.
A lot of people were saying that he broke that pass up. Okay, I like that.
Which, yeah, you know, it always makes you feel good. But then they lost, so he must have just turned the TV off up in heaven.
Yeah, if you're going to be using your ghost play, I feel like if you're dead, you get probably like one ghost play a year. That's what you get in the afterlife.
I would personally wait to use my ghost play on a game-winning play. So, like, if they're kicking a field goal to tie the game, I'd, like, fart out real quick and blow it wide right.
I would do the ghost play. It's got to be a kick return or a pick six, not literally the guy just caught the ball and dropped it because Bobby Bowden broke it up, but it was third down, and then they went to overtime and lost anyway.
It's just maybe Bobby Bowden, if you want to put this on his coaching resume, I think he's one of the greatest coaches of all time. But if you're going to say that was a ghost play, that has to go on his resume.
So he's 0-1 as a ghost. Correct.
But it's a quality loss. Yeah, no, it's not a bad loss.
Yeah, it's like to be expected. He outperformed the expectation for his ghost in week one.
It's not like Washington losing to Montana. No.
Or Vanderbilt losing to, I think, East Tennessee. Shout out Kansas, by the way, who rushed the field after they beat an FCS team.
You know what? For Kansas, I say just let them do what they got to do. Let Kansas feel good about themselves for at least one week because I don't know when they get to play against Texas and beat them.
But that's really besides the annual upset of Texas, the highlight of the year.

Going back to the ghost play,

I agree with the kick return for a touchdown.

Yeah, it's cool.

Ghost play.

But the better way is if they're returning a kick for a touchdown

and they trip.

Daniel Jones.

Yeah, they do the trip on the 18-yard line.

Then you're like, Bobby stuck his foot out.

Yes, I like that.

Yeah, so Bobby, if you're listening to this,

which I'm sure you are,

because you're not only in – he was an AWO in life oh wow louisville is terrible uh he's was an awl in life but we we are the number one ghost podcast for sure sports sports ghost podcast we respect ghosts we've had the most ghost guests on our show of any podcast tommy lasorda is listening to this right now that i know dodgers look good tommy shout out Brian Kelly, the Brian Kelly comedy jam after the game. There was not...
You want to put that clip in, actually? I think of your team's ability to withstand Florida State's impressive comeback. Yeah.
I'm in favor of execution. Maybe our entire team needs to be executed after tonight.
We just didn't execute very well. Brian Kelly's problem was you never want to set up your own joke.
Like, that's the problem. He tried to set himself up, and that's where he failed.
Well, you can hear the change in his voice and on his face as he's delivering the punchline, and he's thinking to himself, I really fucked this one up. Right.
I'm not a funny guy.

Why?

Who,

whose idea was it?

What part of my brain told me that now would be a good time to make a joke?

Cause he's,

his delivery is just,

it's awful.

And then the,

uh,

we talked about like a couple of weeks ago,

the Ted Lasso,

uh,

human centipede.

That's what happened here because no one was actually upset because everyone

knew that he was quoting someone else.

And then people got upset at a fake perceived, That's what happened here because no one was actually upset because everyone knew that he was quoting someone else.

And then people got upset at a fake perceived upset. Like Dan Woken tweeted like people are upset about like nothing because no one's actually upset.
I'm like, dude, you're you're saying that. Yeah, you're the you're the you're the fake outrage.
you. I'll say that there's like of all the coaches in the FBS, he's probably the one with the highest percentage when he says that joke.
Correct. Where it's like, maybe he's serious.
Right. But still, it's like 99.99999% sure.
Saban, maybe. Yeah.
Saban, yeah. Maybe.
Because he never got caught. Right.
We don't know. Right.
He might execute his entire team. Saban's probably killed, but the body of evidence isn't as big as it is against Brian Kelly.
Hey, shout out Nick Saban. He is finally cracking some smiles.
He put on that leather helmet after they whooped Miami, which Alabama's at the point now, too, where we're going to talk to Andy Staples about LSU. We're not dodging it.
We're going to talk to him about LSU. Saban's at the point now where he doesn't even care who they schedule to start the season.
It's like, oh, okay, we're just going to go to Atlanta, or we're going to go to New Orleans, or we're going to go to Jerry's World, and we're going to kick the shit out of someone. I have an addiction I'm trying to recover from.
I'm addicted to being wrong about Alabama every single year in week one. Or whenever they play their first opponent.

I know in my heart of hearts that Alabama is still a wagon.

They're still going to dominate any team, especially a team like you.

But I'm always like, I don't want to be one year late on my take about Alabama.

And so I keep going back.

I keep falling for it.

It's like Lucy pulling the fucking football out from Charlie Brown every year.

And don't get me wrong.

I never thought that Alabama was going to lose this game.

I just thought maybe Miami would cover the spread.

And every year.

Yeah, Derrick King.

That's such a sweet name.

They've got the turnover chain.

You also don't want to be a year late on being like Miami's back,

the U's back.

So it was like a perfect storm of just my brain fighting a useless,

This is... They've got the turnover chain.
You also don't want to be a year late on being like Miami's back, the U's back. So it was like a perfect storm of just my brain fighting a useless, winless battle against itself that happens every year in week one or two.
Yeah, they're always so fucking good. All right.
Saban, also about Mercer. Oh, yeah.
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Oh, yes. So Saban is so bored with football at this point that he had a press conference talking about next week's opponent, and he said they're a different kind of offensive team, Saban said of Mercer, which essentially is like they're a different kind of offensive team.
They will not score on us no matter what. They're a different team.
He's just stating facts right now. The team that we played this weekend is different from Mercer.
I will say, looking at Mercer's schedule, they did beat Point University 69-0 last week. A different kind of team.
A different kind of team. Oh, and they also, the kicker missed the extra point that would have made it 70-0, right? Yes.
And then the kicker was welcome for the nice score bringing back 69 jokes oh that's right i forgot about that story yeah i think you're only he's a barstool athlete you're only allowed probably yeah no he is i think that's how he responded yeah you're only allowed to make 69 jokes if you're actually the athlete that makes that score happen that creates besides that you're a cop on the internet yes um or rob gronkowski

he's all he's just grandfathered in shout out arkansas by the way they get my spread champion of the week did you see that game they were down 17-7 halfway through the third quarter and they covered a 19 point spread i did not see that that's insane okay keep them in the tickler file they're gonna get whooped by texas this week probably even though i do lovebust. And Sam Pittman is a...
Sam Pittman is like a... He's like a Walmart version of Coach O.
And I mean that in a nice way. I'm not trying to be mean about it.
I actually love him. But he's kind of like that.
He's got like a very funny, gregarious way about him. That's awesome.
My goddammit, you piece of shit, what the fuck are you thinking? You ruined the spread for me of the week. Goes to...
I'm going to give it to PJ Fleck. Oh, yeah.
For not understanding math. Like a fucking idiot.
Yeah, you gotta go for two. Gotta go for two at the end of the game.
We didn't get to talk about that because it was on Thursday night. I think after we taped that game started.
Yes. But I'm convinced, no matter what, that CJ Stroud will always suck at quarterback just because of how poorly he played in the first half.
But his guys are so good. I know, but trust me, I will not get off this take.
It's burned, it's seared into my brain from watching just how bad he was in that first half. And then you're right, just like the people that he's thrown to are all very, very good.
Yeah, Chris Olave is so awesome. So, yeah, that was a very, like, perfect Ohio State.

Oh, is Ohio State going to be had this year?

And then?

Nope.

Nope.

They're really fucking good, as usual.

Any other college football thoughts?

Anything?

Anyone else?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Rutgers is back.

Yep.

They're hitting, like, a 40.

Oh, shout out UMass.

They got Liam.

What are they?

Oh, they got. Did they get goose egged? No, they hit the over.
Yeah, that's right. They scored seven points for the over.
Liam texted me. They're like, you can't believe it.
Pitt's the worst offensive team ever, and they somehow. Pitt had a third and goal from like the 23 when I was looking at it.
And I was like, against UMass. I was like, this team's so bad.
It's the best. Shout out to Randy Edsel.
We get into it a little bit with Andy Staples, but Big Cat and I did not realize that he had gone back on his initial claim. After that loss, Randy Edsel said, it was the ultimate PR 101.
I'm going to retire after this year is over, hoping that that would save his job through the end of the year. And just saying, you don't have to fire me.
I'll quit. But at the end of the year, and then about 12 hours later, he's like, actually, just kidding.
I think I'm fired. So, like, great job, UConn, sniffing out that masterful PR move by Randy Edson.
He's like, no, you don't get to say that. Did you see some of the names that were floated around? Dan Orlovsky was on the list, which I don't really understand because I have to imagine that ESPN pays him more than UConn would.
Jeff Fisher? Definitely. Jeff Fisher should be on there.
Ooh, I like that. Rob Ryan? Why not? Jim Calhoun.
Why not? Yeah. Jim Calhoun would probably get them back to glory.
I actually- He's the BCS guy. Yes, I think so.
Yeah. Absolutely, he could.
Let's see. Who else? UConn.
Who's the biggest celebrity in the history of UConn? What are you going to say? What are you going to say? Go ahead, Billy. Aaron Hernandez's older brother.
Oh, God, Billy. Well, it's his older brother.
All right, there it is. Nice.
His older brother. Yes.
He stole plays, remember? Yeah. I mean, you could get some great ghost plays at an early age.
Yeah, that's true. All right.
He would choke away everything. Should we talk talking soccer real quick? Because U.S.
sucks. Well, we've got two draws All I want to say is it would be a shame If it feels like the shame is starting to take place It would be a shame Here's what's up We didn't have our best squad out there in either game Is this the World Cup this the World Cup? Yeah, it's the qualifiers for the World Cup.
A shame. It would be a shame.
Hey, let's talk tennis. Should we do tennis now? We already did.
Bill Cowher's there. That was a lot of talking tennis.
This is Canada's best team in like 40 years. So there you go.
It's their golden generation. It's their golden generation.
I think that they're ranked number like 45 in the world. So it's the best team Canada's ever put out on the field.
I just wanted to say it's a shame. Just so that I'm on the record.
I feel like some people think I'm trolling. I'm saying it's a shame if we don't make the World Cup again.
I'm sure that if we just tied every single game in qualification and then we won the play-in game, then I think that would be enough to get us there. Yes.
All right, let's do who's back of the week. Actually, you know what? What?

I'm just getting pre-spin zoned for this.

I don't want to play in Qatar.

All the human rights abuses going on over there.

And during football season?

During football.

Most importantly.

But it's probably going to be a lot during the week and at different times of the day.

But still, I don't want to have to use my brain.

I think it's actually beneath the United States, Big Cat, to play in a World Cup In stadiums that were built by little Slaves yeah we're withdrawing We're withdrawing from the World Cup I'm boycotting the World Cup I'm boycotting the World Cup Unless the US makes it in which case I might still Boycott it and if they don't it's a shame And I feel bad And it would be a real shame there's making a sandwich and then there's crafting a sandwich and when i want something perfectly crafted i go straight to boar's head for over a century boar's head has been dedicated to crafting premium deli favorites every ingredient is carefully chosen every recipe made with a purpose their oven gold turkey smoke master ham and ever roast chicken are made from premium whole cuts, hand trimmed, and perfectly seasoned. Last weekend, I made the ultimate sandwich, oven gold turkey, cheese, pickles, and mustard.
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You guys want to pick this kid's draft order? Sure. Justin, Mick, Parker, Peyton, Jack, Jackson, Matt, Greg.
Parker. We got to go Jack and Jackson together at the end of the draft.
Okay, Parker 1. So that way it gets confusing with four picks in a row.
Parker 1. What were the other ones? Peter? Parker 1.
This is our Francesa moment. Justin, Mick, Parker, Peyton, Jack, Jackson, Matt, Greg.

Jack, Jackson, Matt.

Wait.

Yeah.

Go Peyton to Matt.

Greg, three, four, Mick, Mick, five.

And then the Jackson Jacksons.

All right.

Is that, is that it?

Close.

All right.

By the way, we're going to have an update on our draft that Jerry did for us tomorrow.

We're going to have a show tomorrow. It's going to be a Wednesday.
We're going to have a show tomorrow. All right.
By the way, we're going to have an update on our draft that Jerry did for us tomorrow. We're going to have a show tomorrow.
It's going to be a Wednesday. We're going to have a show tomorrow.
All right. Who's back in the week? Hank.
I'm trying to type. No, it's okay.
Don't cut this. Don't cut this.
Oh, yo. U.S.
Open low-key just like it's the center for white girl wasted. Dude.
I feel like all the clips are just.

Yeah.

That girl was fucking dunking chicken fingers in a Coke.

That's right.

Yeah.

Getting smashed on some on some Zin.

It's like hot seat Nashville bachelorette parties because all the white girls are going

to Flushing Meadows.

Yes.

Just getting hammered.

The honey deuce elite drink.

What?

Honey deuce.

Take home the cup.

Did you take it home?

Yeah.

It's called the honey deuce.

Yeah.

It's called the honey deuce.

Do you have enough room in your apartment for it?

Thank you. The Honey Deuce elite drink.
What? Honey Deuce. Take home the cup.
Did you take it home? Yeah. It's called the Honey Deuce? Yeah, it's called the Honey Deuce.
Do you have enough room in your apartment for it? A little bit, yeah. The Honey Deuce? Yeah.
I fucking love it. Did you get white girl wasted? Yeah, wait.
I did not. Jake, give us a quick talking tennis.
You went to the art? Yeah, I went to see Francis Tiafoe, who is one of the best Americans out there. He came up short against the Canadian.
So clearly not that close. Oh, wow.
Another Canadian beat us. This guy, Brooksby, he took a 6-1 first set over Joe Cancet.
I can't say Brooksby. Why? Bryson.
Oh, Brooksby, not Brooks E. All right, so my Who's Back of the Week is, well, first program.
I'm happy you had fun, Jake. Friday, Friday obviously there might not have been as many people listening getting ready for the holiday our Grit Week video dropped and PFT said that if we get 300,000 subscribers on our YouTube channel he will take his sunglasses off drop the shades down so factor that into your consideration fans are back yep talked about it in the beginning uh Daniel Bryan and Adam Cole are back AEW and WWE'm not even super into wrestling, but I just like following what's going on.
It seems like there's a big, I don't know what you call it. They're just both going for the top.
Our guy Tony Khan is just getting all the actual good wrestlers from WWE. Right, and it's like fans are clearly drawn to just good wrestling.
They don't care necessarily as much about the name, so it's interesting to follow. I've enjoyed, I don't again, I don't follow wrestling.
I don't really know what's going on, but I like seeing the pops. There's been some good pops lately.
Great pops. And Max Verstappen.
Wait, are you getting are they going over on you right now? Are you the mark? Yeah, you are. I was, yeah, I was marking so hard for the pops.
Big time mark. Yeah, Max Verstappen, his back-to-back wins.
He won in his home, Holland. And Bottas, Sebastian Bottas, stepped down from Mercedes, which seems like that's got to be the best seat in F1.
Well, I'd say it's the top job. It kind of sucks because you basically are in an incredible car, but you always always have to let lewis hamilton but like can't you if i let's say i'm a up-and-comer i would just say yeah i'll do whatever and then once i get in the car just start winning fire you well what sucks is like if you all the people who are actually good that you'd want them to drive in your car they already have jobs yeah no they'd fire your ass i mean it's a it's a good seat i'm not don't get me wrong but But I actually would be fine with it because it's like no pressure.
You just have to show up, finish like fourth, third, every now and then, and you make a shitload of money. And you're like, yeah, my team won.
But you do have to be a cuck. You have to be a total cuck.
Also, it came out last week that the PGA Tour is starting their own Netflix series. Drive to Survive.
Built around Drive to Survive. So Drive to Survive was their inspiration.
So it's them watching Drive to Survive? No, it's going to be PGA Tour based, but that should be exciting. So they're trying to do hard knocks, but for golf.
Got it. That sounds awesome.
I wonder if we'll get any Brooksby content. Hopefully.
Oh, by the way, we should have said that. Yeah, we should have talked about that.
Thoughts and prayers to Brooks Koepka. Yeah, like I just...
He's got pretty much broken wrists. Larry Six died.
So did his wrist. Yeah, some people are out there saying he's dodging or something.
He had a wrist injury that could have killed him. He hit a root.
A lot of people hit trees. Also, the tournament was for like $100 million.
Randy Savage, yeah. And he died.
That he dropped out of. Like, you don't drop out of that.
Yeah, right. Which will really hurt.
Right. Yeah, listen.
You've got a lot of arteries, I think, in your wrist. Or your wrist or at least like you can see i can see blood yeah somewhere in there and so the fact that his golf club didn't just cut his hand off modern miracle uh-huh it just shows you how tough brooks is yeah just just every time you think about tweeting something mean to brooks just remember that he's human too and also he's his wrist is so mangled that he can't even defend himself online.
Right. Right.
Exactly. Probably won't be able to jerk off.
Yeah. It's tough.
Thoughts and prayers. Think about that for a second, folks.
Yeah. No online bullying of golfers.
Brooks loved masturbating. Yeah, he did.
It was his favorite thing to do. My Who's Back of the Week is putting your TVs outside.
Yeah. it's actually my favorite tradition when it comes to like week one week two college football when it's really nice outside like not too hot not too cold we're talking like 60s 70s all day and uh you're like you know what it's a shame that i'm not going to be able to just spend the day outside because this really feels like a great day to get outdoors.
But it also just so happens I've got a date with 12 hours of college football. And you make a compromise with yourself and you bring your entire set up and you put it maybe sometimes just in the windowsill.
Or you run an extension cord that goes like to your patio table. And then you spend the whole day outside still watching college football and being lazy.
But you feel like you're a real outdoorsman by's like getting to take that time on your porch it's no joke all i want in life is to just have an outdoor living room with like multiple tvs and not even do it for september i'm talking like november when you can smell that like burnt leaf and it's cold i want to be outside watching college football when it's 40 degrees and have a blanket and just be like yes or sometimes when you've you've got the jacuzzi set up right next to the TVs. That's all I want.
That's nice. But I especially love the people that don't have like a fancy outdoor kitchen set up.
No, they just throw it out there. They just throw the TV outside and they're like, I'm bringing the television outdoors today.
Yeah, look at me. That's the one thing that outdoors is severely lacking.
People say how great it is. If it was that great, it would have televisions in it.
Do you know what we should do? We should bring our beds outside. Yes.
Maybe on our balcony. I like that.
Yeah. Credit us.
Maybe drink some beers. Yep.
Credit us. On the balcony.
Zillion? Yeah. Credit us.
We came up with this idea. If anyone talks about beers or beds on balconies, that was our idea first.
Also, Dana will be guesting on Wednesday as part of my take. Yes.
Alright, my Who's Back of the Week is eating weird shit on a telecast because I was at the gambling house on Saturday. Had six TVs set up, so we're watching all the games.
I think it's mostly SEC Network is really the king of it, but whenever there's a blowout in the third and fourth quarter and they're just like, let get our sideline reporter eat some weird shit and there's like this is i'm eating pudding i'm eating like they just start eating random shit to fill time and i love it i like it's very like they don't do that in the nfl they really it really is just college football because like this town has this great delicacy and it's just like it's bananas uh inside of like a cookie yeah so there was a there always like tony saragusa would get caught doing it on nfl broadcast but it was by accident right it wasn't because it's like hey let's cut down to tony who's like going deep into the bowels of the meadowlands to find their he's just already naturally rolling around with like a couple i don't know like pickled quail testicles yeah just in case he gets a little peckish on the sideline. But it's just something about college football because there's more blowouts, and they always have that ready to go.
I think there was a moment in time on Saturday where I think three of the six TVs had a sideline reporter eating something. Yeah, I love it.
I love that weird stuff, too. There should be one food stand inside every college football stadium that serves the most fucked up thing possible, just in case people get bored at the game.
Yes. And if there's a blow, it's like, well, we might as well just go put ourselves through excruciating pain for a couple hours.
Yes. All right, Jake.
My hot seat. Whoa.
Oh, no. We're good.
We're good. Jake, you better be careful, because if you're going to apologize, memes is going to Castellanos you.
Oh, my God. Are you okay? Yes.
That's a mistake. What was that drink you were drinking last night? The honey juice.
The honey juice. Yeah, the honey juice.
And then you brought it home and drank it again today? Yeah. Oh, fuck.
My who's back. Well, that squirt's getting in your lips.
By the way, the video, watch the YouTube, the Grit Week video, specifically for Jake's not getting... Don't think it's that crazy.
I'm going to double down on it. Jake, it was...
Mike Greenberg would not even do that. It was a solo cup.
Yeah, you want to keep it clean. I don't think so.
What are you talking about? So, Jake, go watch the whole video. It's great.
And shout out, Corey. It's a great video.
But, oh, Lin-Manuel Miranda is there. Jake is at Wingnuts drinking out of his solo cup with his palms and his fingers straight up because they have sauce on it.
It's a solo cup. Yeah, I got to keep it clean.
Like, it's a cup that's designed to be thrown away. The second you're done with it.
You're holding it like it was like your grandmother's ashes. Yeah.
Got to respect Ed and Alicia. Okay.
Right in front of him, too. I think they would have been okay.
Jake, there's an old TV show called The Adventures of Pete and Pete, and one time they had a barbecue eating contest. Great show.
And they won the contest because the guy they were going up against didn't get any barbecue sauce on his fingers. And it's like, I ate it perfectly.
And they're like, actually, no, the whole point of eating messy food like that is to get messy. Yeah, if you see me with wings, you'll notice I have, like, the most insane amount of napkins next to me.
I just go hard in the paint and just keep clean and go hard in the paint. I'll think about it for next time.
My who's back of the week is the off season because it is here for you guys as owners of Water Dogs. Oh, fuck that.
Who cares? I feel bad for them, by the way. This was the the nicest thing the water dogs have ever been yeah i've ever done to us we actually don't deserve what good boys we don't deserve dogs bro because yeah we did not want them to win this game so we wouldn't be conflicted for you know an actual week of nfl football going up against the water dogs broadcast so they merciful mercifully decided to lose.
And fuck the Whipsnakes.

Whipsnakes are cheaters.

Everybody knows that.

Dude, so I watched the second half of this game.

I felt bad for the Waterdogs because we have our fun, and I do truly hate them, but the guys tried their hardest,

and I felt bad because I'm sure there's some bonus for winning

that would be incredible for them.

So I do feel bad, and they gave us a nice run this season. I'll never forget it.
The joy they brought me. But the Whipsnakes are fuckboys.
They were like cheating. They were throwing their sticks.
I hate the Whipsnakes. I think they are the biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen.
And I hope they all lose and never play lacrosse again. They're going for the three-peat.
Yeah, who cares? Fuck the Whipsnakes. I root for two teams.
Matt Rambo's the goat. All right, Jake? I root for the Water Dogs and whoever's playing against the Whipsnakes.
Fuck the Whipsnakes. Paul Rabel's my goat.
Well, guess what? What's more impressive, guys, winning three games in a row or winning the entire regular season title? And doing it by starting the worst. We won the president's trophy.
Congratulations to congratulations to my water dog. Yeah, we went from worst to first.
Boom. Storybook.
Yeah, so end of an era for this season. Bigger and better 2022.
Sure, who cares? Also, I don't really like that the coach, his name is Andy Copeland. There should be a D on the end of his name.
Yeah. His name should be Andy Copeland.
It's Copeland. That's so stupid.
Every time they show him, I'm like, put a fucking D at the end of your name. That's how I want to say it.
Don't you agree, Jake? I mean, it's a name. But I don't care.
Put a D there. Wasn't that guy that...
It's Copeland. Was he like the drummer in Sting and the Police? Yeah.
It's... I got really frustrated about that.
Like, really frustrated. You guys are the owners.
I'd fire. Yeah.
So. All right.
If I have the power. Paul Rabel.
Coach of the year candidate. Mike Rabel.
If you're listening to this. Fire Andy Copeland.
Unless he changes his name to Andy Copeland. Fair.
Okay. All right.
Thank you. Billy.
Sorry. So.
Just attacked a man for his name. Football is back.
That also means football guys are back. I think we'll be starting to do the voting on it next week, but just a little teaser.
We had guys like Brian Kelly trying to execute his whole team. We had Mackenzie Milton, who came out after two years being off, but we also had Coach Mike Eckler with the Tennessee Vols, who on his early morning run claimed to have ran away from a pit bull for three blocks straight just to show his pro day 40 and get his heart rate up.
So just total football guy. Wasn't one of their coaches bleeding on the sidelines too? Yeah, he was like bleeding from his eye.
Also, I'm Vol for Life, and so I say this with all respect,

but Josh Heupel, he better not get to the NFL

because I love taking pictures of that guy's face.

His neck goes on forever.

He's my new Frank Beamer.

Something tells me I don't think he's going to make it to the NFL as a head coach.

No, he will because he's going to be awesome.

Theoretically.

He's going to be awesome.

There was also South Dakota State, the back of their helmets, they had last play written on the back of their helmets. Ooh, I like it.
So was that, just speculating here, that's because the coach is telling them, put your last play behind you? Is that it? Or is this the last play? Oh, yeah, this could be the last play. It would also, like if it's literally in the back of your mind,

that's bad coaching because you want to move on.

You want to be a goldfish, RIP.

What if it was, no, no RIP.

What if it was play every play like it's your last play?

That could be it too.

That would be good.

Just last play?

Like, you know, the next play is never promised.

It should be next play.

Last play is, what is the saying, Jake?

Last play is a gift. Tomorrow is a...
Live's a live laugh love and the mother's the doctor uh today is a gift that's why we call it the present yeah yeah so the the current play is a gift that's why we call it the present last play is when's rent due every day every day every hour of every right now yeah owned. Pay me $50.
It's leased. Right this second.
How's my milk budget going? I got a tab going. Yeah, what are we at? Just give me an idea.
Double digits. What? It's the sixth.
Hey, man. Wait, doubled, not triple.
All right, never mind. Double.
I'm an idiot. Double.
Double digits. Yeah, like 50 bucks.
It's like 20 bucks right now, right? It's a good amount. I thought you were at 100.
I was like, Jesus Christ, you're going to bankrupt me. If you came in, I mean, Billy would come in with like $1,000 and be like, no, I swear.
He's too skinny right now. You definitely haven't been drinking that much milk.
You know what Billy would come in? He'd come in with $6,000 receipt. He bought a cow.
And put it in his backyard look glass bottles man i'm getting glass bottle milk oh hell you have a milkman you know i don't you should bring back milkman yeah milkmen were the shit they would just like show up wearing their little funny hats oh i thought you're talking about us when we just chugged milk no the milk boys yeah the milk boy no milk men the ones that would like wear bow ties drop off milk and then fuck your wife yes yes uh anything else from football guys we're gonna officially bring back football guys next week right yeah okay this is a little teaser i love it good job billy and you have a blog too yeah we're gonna be blogging it whole big thing send your submissions in for next week also nostradamus the hedgehog is back he's out of hibernation all right let's go really what was his record against the spread? I think he was above 50% otherwise he's going to be above 54% I'll figure it out I think he's 52.5% let's get to Andy Staples PFT you had a quick word before we get there all protein bars generally taste the but not one bars. One made protein bars are actually delicious with Reese's and Hershey's.
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Here he is, Andy Staples.

Okay, we now welcome on our good friend, Andy Staples. He covers college football for The Athletic.
He's got a podcast, the Andy Staples podcast. Great logo we've talked about in the past.
You can also hear him on SiriusXM. So check it out.
Always great information. Andy, we want you on to recap football being back.
A great week one. It was great to have fans in the stands.
I have a ton of different things I wanted to touch on, but I think we should probably start with LSU-UCLA. And I know that people...
You have to. Well, here's the thing.
so you lost the bet we're coach oh guys I'm worried about coach oh but we should at least give credit right now to Chip Kelly because Chip Kelly is at the point now where uh you hear it in the media when they say a guy has it rolling that basically means that he's you know everything is locked in it does that's my first question does chip kelly in fact have it rolling i think he does i mean if they can do that to lsu where the the talent gap is pretty big between ucla and lsu there's nobody ucla is going to play in the pac-12 that has that kind of talent ucla can beat anybody in the pac-12 that's that's what that means on on the right night and if they're playing that they're going to beat just about everybody in the Pac-12. I mean, you saw Oregon.
They didn't look great. Washington lost to Montana.
USC is what USC has been for the last few years. So, yeah, I think this is, I got to go with you noticing the visor first.
I think you were the first person to see the visor and understand what that meant. But it's something it's like the samson hair i don't know what it is it's a tell these guys have tells when they know they have a good team they're like i'm gonna be cocky again it's really just the difference of chip kelly caring again because for a while chip kelly just obviously didn't care his the offenses that he was running at least like when he was reaching the end of his tenure during the e Eagles period, he was just running like the same four plays over and over and over and over again.
And he just like kind of didn't like coaching football. Now it seems like he enjoys coaching football again.
Well, when we have a suggestion on the podcast during the offseason, is he the Harper Lee of football? Like, did he have the one big thing in him, which was that blur offense right after they changed the clock rules at Oregon? But no, apparently not. He does have something else because he wasn't going to be able to win with some sort of paradigm shifting thing this time.
He did that once. That's a lightning in a bottle kind of thing.
You're not going to do that again. So the question was, can he just recruit the players to his system, to what he wants, and then run plays that will win games.
And so far, that hadn't worked. And now this year, it is working.
And I mean, they didn't just beat LSU. They whipped LSU.
They whipped them up front. LSU couldn't get any push from its offensive line.
They were all over Max Johnson. That was very impressive because I just didn't know that UCLA would be able to do that with the roster they had.
And that was my thing with Chip Kelly. I thought he did the right thing taking the UCLA job because remember he got offered the Florida job at the same time.
He never struck me as someone who would enjoy recruiting in the SEC. And so I thought, okay, he's fine over there.
But then they lose so many games those first three years. You're like, okay, maybe not.
Maybe that's it. But he always said water the bamboo and, you know, it doesn't do anything.
It doesn't do anything. And all of a sudden it shoots up.
Well, maybe this is it. Yeah.
So Coach O, we love Coach O. We're not going to say anything bad about Coach O.
We have you on so you can say something bad and we can say Andy. You want me to.
Andy, that's not right. You shouldn't do that.
But obviously, this is tough because I think when you watch that game, the thing that struck me the most was the tackling and just – it was just kind of a mess on defense. And like you said, the roster is better than UCLA's, so then it's coaching, and I think Coach O is still, you know, he should have a job.
The hot seat, in my opinion, isn't hot yet. But from where you stand, you cover the SEC.
Like, how is this going to play out? What does he need to do the rest of this season to right the ship? Well, I realize people who are outside SEC country are like, no, no, he won the national title two years ago. Nothing's going to happen.
Let me remind you of a name, Gene Chizik. Gene Chizik won a national title in 2010, went undefeated, was fired in 2012.
So it is possible that this happens. And what was disturbing about LSU was the defense, while it's schematically better, didn't look fundamentally better.
The tackling was still bad. The communication was still bad.
The run fits were bad. It was not what you want to see at LSU.
And you can have better players, but if you do all that stuff, it doesn't matter. And then offensively, they brought in Jake Peets, who had been with the Panthers.
So he'd been with Joe Brady. And the idea was recapture this whole lightning in a bottle thing that Joe Brady brought them with Joe Burrow.
And I think Max Johnson's a good quarterback. The behind the back throwaway.
I was screaming at my TV at that point. Like, what are you doing? But I think he's not being helped by his coaching staff, because if you watch, they are up at the line of scrimmage and they are messing with stuff and changing stuff until there's about two three seconds left on the play clock every play you have better players

snap the ball throw throw something short confidence building and let Kayshaun Boutte

catch a pass five yards from the line of scrimmage and you you do that two or three times he's

probably going to break one for 50 at some point especially when you're playing a less talented

team so that's where perfect is the enemy of good for them and so they've got two games coming

Thank you. he's probably going to break one for 50 at some point, especially when you're playing a less talented team.
So that's where perfect is the enemy of good for them. And so they've got two games coming up.
They've got McNeese State and they've got Central Michigan. They need to get that worked out because then they have a stretch of Mississippi State, Auburn, and Florida.
I'm sorry, Mississippi State, Auburn, Kentucky, Florida. Those are all losable games if they play the way they played against UCLA.
So they're either going to get this worked out and they'll come out looking like a completely different team after these two warmup games or nothing gets worked out and we're having the Gene Chizik conversation midseason. And I think that they will get it worked out in a sense that you had a guy who's playing.
I think that was his first time ever calling plays in a game on the road at at ucla like this is i know that we used to always be like oh why did why do teams schedule cupcakes at the beginning of the season well this is why you don't want to have your first game be on the road at ucla like there's it there's things that need to be worked out that you don't get a chance to work them out when you have a tough test day one well lsu's dead to me now because as a result of losing and i was an idiot i was very high on lsu was like they fixed it they they made the coordinator hires that will fix this thing they're going to be really good we're talking 10 win team again and so i was sure they were going to go throttle ucla and so i gave my my podcast partner ari wasterman uh 15 points in that game and if i, I had to eat a banana Will Levis style. So Will Levis, the new QB at Kentucky, I'm sure everybody's seen the video.
He's a maniac. He eats the banana peel and all.
So I've got to do that on Thursday. I got some bananas today.
We're getting them nice and spotty because they can't be yellow. They can't be green.
They're going to need to be about half brown for this to work but I I gotta do it now and it's just I'm I'm so disgusted with myself for falling for it I knew I I was just sure they were gonna be great and I'm watching that game and and within maybe of a quarter and a half I'm like no I have no chance and and and and really he should have given me 15 points. Yeah.
Yes. Yeah, it was tough.
It was tough for Coach O. And again, we still love Coach O.
Nothing about that changes. But in reality, they've got a lot of work to do on defense, for sure.
So I have a question for you. It's a power ranking, three-team power ranking.
Can you power rank for me the SEC, the Alliance,

and then Notre Dame, their independence?

So those are the three options.

Okay.

We're going to start with the SEC because they have Alabama,

which is just a new kind of nasty.

They just find different ways to humiliate everyone.

So we'll give the SEC that, and plus Georgia obviously beat Clemson.

The Alliance, well, the ACC killed the Alliance this week. You had Clemson losing to Georgia.
You had North Carolina losing to Virginia Tech is obviously a conference game, but you thought everybody thought North Carolina was going to be the second best team and they were going to be great. So that puts them in a weird spot because, you know, your potential Heisman contender in Sam Howell, well, maybe you don't have that now.
Miami got killed by Alabama. And then you go over to Pac-12, and you got Washington losing to Montana, Washington State losing.
They just, everybody looked pretty bad except for UCLA. And then the Big Ten did fine.
Nothing wrong with the Big Ten, but the Big Ten's got those anchors dragging them down. So we're going to have to put the Alliance third, I think.
And we'll put Notre Dame second. Notre Dame's comedy chops, not second.
Notre Dame, Brian Kelly. If Brian Kelly is on a street corner in New York saying, do you like comedy? Run away.
Yeah. But I put Notre Dame second.
I thought Jack Cohn did a great job. Big Cat, I'm wondering, how did you feel after watching Graham Mertz against Penn State and then watching Jack Cohn? Obviously, it didn't go well on Saturday.
And I'm going to ask you to explain to people. I know the answers, but to explain to people how this works because I have a feeling I'm going to be explaining away this for a very long time and no matter what I say people will just be like oh you're an idiot Wisconsin sucks it's similar actually to the Joe Burrow Dwayne Haskins thing where Ohio State fans were like Joe Burrow got hurt what the fuck do you want us to do the facts of the matter is Jack Cone got hurt in fall of last year.

Graham Mertz is now the starter.

If you then have Jack Cone stay and start this year,

Graham Mertz transfers and Graham Mertz is a sophomore and you lose the potential of what he could be.

So it's pretty much a no-brainer from Paul Chris's point of view.

You can't start a guy, then sit him, and expect him to now I'm still I'm still holding my stock in Graham Mertz but this is this happens right like this can't yes it happens it happens all the time it it does happen and the thing with with Mertz is he's also the highest ranked quarterback recruit Wisconsin's ever signed correct and if you if you chase those guys away maybe they don't come back and what you worry about. Now, Paul Christ does not strike me as the kind of guy who worries about that.
He's just trying to win games. And I think, yeah, they probably felt like all things were equal.
We'll go with the younger guy, which makes perfect sense. But Jack Cohn looked really good in that offense.
Look, Notre Dame's got a very good offensive line, has had a very good offensive line for years. Michael Mayer is a fantastic weapon.
And then you saw Austin finally. He was one that everybody was excited about for a couple years and just never really broke out.
But he looked good. Those backs are good.
So Cone's going to have a good year. He's going to look really good.
And, of course, I mean, it's not like they play each other at Soldier Field.

Yeah.

No, and I think Tommy Reese is a very good play caller,

and I think they're going to just run a different offense at Notre Dame

that's a little more wide open and pushes the ball down the field.

I know the future.

I'm just going to have to explain this away forever.

I should just give up.

I should put it in my Twitter bio.

The Jack Cone broke his foot.

He broke his foot. So there was no choice.
Go findorgia fan yeah go find a georgia fan yeah and ask them how they've been explaining jake from over justin fields right you can you can look at it now and go how in the world did kirby smart pick jake from well i remember when that happened jake from had just taken them to the national title game right it was not an easy decision Right. So it.
So it's just you're going to have to deal with that big cat. And that's but see, that's what happens when you get in the world of the high four star and the five star recruit.
You got to start explaining this stuff away. Right.
And I'm just yeah, I think I'm going to just change my name to on Twitter to Jack Cohn broke his foot in 2020. Like, that's just what happened.
OK, guys, like that is the fact of the matter. I have a question about the Penn State Wisconsin game in relation to Georgia Clemson.
Those are the I actually think Georgia Clemson was far more boring yet the national media fawns over one and mocks the other and I probably am part of the problem when And I mock it because I do it out of love I do love like the big 10 just punt fest and and hard-nosed defense but the second half of Wisconsin Penn State was dramatic Clemson Georgia was that game gave me what I wanted yeah Clemson Georgia was just like watching a team suffocate another team to death yeah yeah Clemson Georgia it's a great great analogy i remember i was with my my son at the alligator farm in st augustine down here in florida and uh we saw a bunch of people rushing into this one building what are they doing oh they're feeding the pythons and that's exactly what it was watching a reticulated python crush a bunny for an hour and penn state wisconsin wasn't like that at all because they were getting into the red zone and then things were happening right there were interceptions there were you know and so i thought that game was extremely satisfying to watch and it might have been because it was noon and it was an appetizer so it's basically you know how good are your potato skins or your uh your your spinach artichoke dip versus your steak steak? That's what we're talking about. But I was very happy with that game, enjoyed the hell out of it.
And I could have made the Big Ten jokes, but I thought, because here's the thing. Like when Penn State scored, they scored on big plays.
They scored on explosive plays. And they've got another, listen, I'm curious to see if they have to have a a Will Levis Sean Clifford conversation if the Penn State fans have to start making excuses now Kentucky wasn't playing anybody tough so Will Levis has this huge game but they never let Will Levis throw last year right turns out he's pretty good at it right so Sean Clifford Sean Clifford will continually be judged against whatever Will Levis is doing at Kentucky and so he passed that first test which is I think that's huge I think going to Camp Randall and winning in week one is just massive for them now they got Auburn in week three but that just sets them up and I don't want to sound bitter but like honestly if Sean Clifford was better they Penn State probably would have won by more they would like he missed some things like it was almost reminiscent of like when when Wisconsin kept Ohio State to seven points a Big Ten championship game it was JT Barrett and I was like anyone else playing quarterback right now in Ohio State runs us off the field so he left some plays out there oh he did and there's one that was an under throw yeah where I think it was Dotson was just wide open.
I think they might have ended up scoring on that drive anyway, but it was, yeah, it, but the fact that they could do that, that they could make some explosive plays happen and they could win that game because the way last season started for them was everything going wrong. You know, Michael Parsons opts out early journey.
Brown has to medically retire right before the season starts. Noah King gets hurt on the first series in the Indiana game.
And then they lose the gut punch with Michael Penix, you know, stretching out. And I think it was double overtime.
And so that sort of set them up for failure for the rest of the year. I feel like this sets them up for success the rest of the way.
I think you're right, too, about the fact that, like, if it's if the game's at noon, if the sun's out while I'm watching a punt fest or while I'm watching, like, a bunch of turnovers in the red zone. And you're right, too, about the fact that if the game's at noon, if the sun's out while I'm watching a punt fest or while I'm watching a bunch of turnovers in the red zone.
And you're right. There were several times where teams got close to scoring, and then it just seemed like there was a force working against it that would stop these teams from breaking the scoreless draw.
But if you look at it under the lights, under the lights football just looks faster for some reason. It does, but that was a different game game because clemson and georgia weren't getting into the red zone yeah they were just you know they were playing between the 40s and punting and i thought here's the thing for the people who think oh georgia doesn't have an offense you got to remember uh curious jackson not playing any offensive snaps dominique blaylock not playing any offensive snaps they're going to have more weapons at receiver as the season goes on uh their their Darnell Mayberry their their their quarter I'm sorry Darnell Washington their tight end was hurt too so they're going to have more weapons in terms of the passing game and I thought eventually they wore down Clemson's defensive line enough that they were getting some yards on the ground in the fourth quarter and that Alabama is the only other defensive line they're going to see that's even close to that so if they can do that to Clemson's D line they can do that to anybody and the passing game cannot help but get better because JT Daniels is basically throwing to a freshman tight end all night like that was all he had yeah they're going to get three or four guys back what's uh this might be like two in the weeds but what's the deal with Clemson's offensive line because they get guys but they don't translate to pros and like the rest of the team does translate to pros but it clearly was their weakness last year it clearly I mean obviously Georgia's nothing to take away from Georgia their defensive line is the best in the country.
But it does feel like that's continually a weakness for them. And it's confusing to me because you think they have it rolling.
They'll just plug in guys. They'll always be good.
But it doesn't seem like that's the case. They don't get the raw material that some of these other schools do.
And it's weird because they should, given what else they do. But they got Jackson Carman out of Ohio a few years ago.
Jackson Carman just went to the NFL. And that was what we thought would be the last sort of step where now all of a sudden they're going to get every five-star offensive lineman they want to, and then there's no stopping them after this.
But they just haven't. And I remember Mitch Hyatt started for them for four years and then didn't get drafted.
It didn't make sense. John Simpson, who's probably their best offensive lineman in terms of a prospect in the last few years, he was not a huge recruit.
He was a good recruit who then they then developed into a very, very good college player. But they just haven't gotten those guys.
Like Alabama's got the five stars across the board. Ohio State is moving NFL tackles into guard because they have so much talent at tackle.

Clemson, for whatever reason, has not gotten to that point.

Georgia has those guys.

If you looked at Georgia's offensive line, those guys had not played together very much,

but all of them were extremely talented as recruits.

And it showed as the game went on that here they're playing complete

monsters.

Cause like Brian Brisey at Clemson is unbelievable.

And this is,

this is a guy you can't move.

He's going,

he's quick.

He's going to get past you at the end,

by the end of the game,

they were opening holes for seven,

eight yard gains.

And so I think that's,

that's the difference between Clemson and the other elite super elite programs is for whatever reason those guys seem to get the better offensive line recruits yeah can you help us nitpick Alabama if we were to like focus on one thing where we're like you know what we want to be the guys who are like we like Alabama but this is how you beat them I had a friend text me as he was watching the Alabama Miami game and he goes they even have an automatic kicker and I'm like yeah that's it not fair that's the last thing yeah that was the last thing they didn't have and actually you know what I always say Andy I just like I I'll always say well Nick Saban has trouble playing against mobile quarterbacks I just hope that nobody actually fact checks me on that. Yeah, because like three times in 10 years.

Because they lost to Johnny Manziel.

Yeah.

Johnny Manziel, Bo Wallace, and Swag Kelly.

Swag Kelly, baby.

Three times in 10 years, you're like, yeah, they struggle.

It's unbelievable.

Yeah.

But yeah, getting the automatic kicker is essentially like closing the exhaust

port on the Death Star.

It's like nailing that shut.

And there's nothing else.

There's no – and Bryce Young, I think it's a completely different

I'm sorry. is essentially like closing the exhaust port on the Death Star.
It's like nailing that shut. And there's nothing else.
There's no – and Bryce Young, I think it's a completely different way to destroy you now because Mac Jones would catch the snap, sit back there, read, read, read. Oh, there's my guy.
Boom. Easy completion.
And he'd just do that over and over and over again. Bryce Young catches the snap, and then he's a good runner, but he's running with the idea of setting up some time for himself.
So he's not going to try to gain 10 yards scrambling. He's going to run to a spot and then just sit there and realize, okay, now I have five seconds to throw, and there's no DB in the world that can stick with my guys for five seconds.
I felt so bad for Miami's corners because every time he would just sort of scramble,

one Miami player would get like a hand through past one of the offensive linemen,

and Bryce Young would see it and just kind of roll,

and he'd go about 10 yards away, and then he'd just set up.

And the poor Miami corner's just like,

no, I can't, I can't, I'm not going to make it anymore.

And then he'd just find a wide open guy.

It was tough.

The saddest moment for Miami was when there was that turnover

Thank you. is just like, no, I can't.
I can't. I'm not going to make it anymore.
And then you just find a wide open guy. It was tough.
The saddest moment for Miami was when there was that turnover. They put on the turnover chain.

They got overturned. They were down 27-0,

put on a turnover chain, which is sad in its own right,

and then it got overturned. He had to put it back in.

I was like, Jesus Christ, guys.

Watching them reopen the case of the turnover chain

and then place it delicately back, somberly. Sadly.
Like they're laying it to rest. It's like when you're working at a jewelry store and you got somebody come in and they're going to buy the most expensive engagement ring in the store.
And in the middle of it all, the couple gets into a fight over the phone and breaks up. And you have to put it back in the case.

It's like if you're going jewelry shop, you're like, you know what?

I think that necklace is going to be the one.

They take it out for you.

You look at it, and you're like, oh, that's how much it costs.

And you have to make up an excuse.

Oh, you know what?

I'll be back.

I left my good credit card in the car.

Let me just run out and grab that.

I'll be right back.

Yeah, it was sad.

My black card's in the helicopter.

Yeah.

I think they should not do the turnover chain unless it's a one-score should be the hey what's going on there pal we saw you at the hockey game on do i know you guys i'm ryan whitney i got a drink named after me not a big deal pink whitney that's what i thought see you fellas i invented the thing you pigeon pink whitney for legendary moments now more andy. Worst loss this weekend because there was a lot of bad losses.

I think, what was it, like six FCS teams beat FBS teams?

Holy Cross UConn ended Randy Edsel.

No, Andy, no.

He independently said he's going to retire after the season's over.

That clip.

Oh, no, he's out now.

You guys didn't see the email.

Oh, he's done. Fully done.
Fully done. That clip where the coach no.
He's out now. You guys didn't see the email.
Oh, he's done.

Fully done.

Fully done.

That clip where the coach, I think it might have been the defensive coach,

asked for everyone's hands in the middle, and no one reacted.

That was so sad.

So, so sad.

Yeah.

I mean, they have basically become the Bishop Sycamore of the FBS.

Their job is to go get paid to get beat.

And it's pretty sad. They were in a BCScs yeah they played in a fiesta bowl yes not long 2010 was the season i mean it that oklahoma yukon fiesta bowl is probably what they play on loop in hell but it's a they made it they were there they were there crazy yeah yeah um but so yeah what worst loss this weekend in your mind I have one in my mind.
I want to know what yours is. I want there.
It's crazy. Yeah.
Yeah. But so, yeah, what worst loss this weekend in your mind?

I have one in my mind.

I want to know what yours is.

I want to say Washington, Montana, because I expected more out of them.

I thought Washington was going to be a team that might contend for the Pac-12 title. And who knows?

Maybe they are.

But I felt like we didn't get a chance to see what Washington under Jimmy Lake would

look like last year.

I think they only played four games.

You know, he was the automatic choice to succeed Chris Peterson, and it seemed like a great choice. He was going to do the same things they were doing, except maybe open things up a little bit, try to get a little bit higher caliber recruit.
Chris Peterson also said, we're getting the OKGs, the R kind of guys. Well, Jimmy Lake wants the R kind of guys who happens to be a four-star or a five-star.
But they had good talent in Seattle in that recruiting class. They didn't go to Washington.
They didn't all – two of them went to Ohio State. And then you open with a loss to Montana.
That just – I thought they were going to be better. And who knows? Maybe they go in and beat Michigan this week, and I'm completely wrong.
But that does not seem like an auspicious start for them. Okay, so my worst loss is Georgia Tech.
Because I actually believed in Jeff Collins. I actually think, like I remember, what was it, maybe two years ago, they had a string where they started playing teams really tough, and it was like, these guys are fighting for him, and he's a real football guy.
But this is what, year three for him, year four? It's year three. That's a head scratcher, is it not? It is, because everywhere he's been, the defense has been good, whether it was the D.C.
at Mississippi State or the D.C. at Florida.
And then at Temple, his teams were tough. They were well coached.
They got after you. Now, maybe that was matt rule had stocked the cupboard but granted the roster flip you've got to do at georgia tech is pretty tough but all you have to do is look at look at what mike norvell did yeah through the transfer portal to change what florida state looked like and and i florida state last year was was a non-competitive team it's a team that georgia tech beat and you saw florida state they didn't win against notre dame but they were certainly in the game and they'll certainly be competitive in the acc now and that was done through the transfer portal jeff collins had to change from an option offense and and and running the option affects your defense too because d lyman don't want to come because they're gonna they think they're gonna get cut at practice every day so it does take some time but by year three and and this was a guy who was a very good recruiter as an assistant i mean he's a guy who in sec country is regarded as a great recruiter which means you can recruit anywhere and so the fact that they haven't gotten better is a little concerning because they should not be losing to northern illinois at this point yeah and like Washington's a good answer because you do think Washington shouldn't lose to Montana.
The other ones, like Vandy losing to an FCS team, that's all right. Yeah, that's Vandy.
23-3. And there was a 99-yard return that got overturned because they celebrated the last 20 yards.
20 yards taunting i actually think i actually think the penalty should be wiped off the board if you can taunt for 20 yards yeah get away with it there needs to be a look if you can if you can talk okay so it's a 15 yard penalty from the spot right so if you can taunt for the length of the penalty you should the penalty should be wiped off the board so if you if you can taunt for 15 or more yards it should be zero penalty touchdown counts. Agreed.
Agreed 100%. What about Iowa State winning 16-10? That might be considered a loss.
Everyone thought that Iowa State, this is the year that they're going to be legit. I was watching the end of that game.
Was it Northern Iowa? North Iowa? It was Northern Iowa, yeah. they were driving at the end of the game with a chance to win and then the quarterback threw maybe the worst interception i've ever seen but like this was this was one that i thought it was going to be like a 40 50 point drubbing that but iowa state has these first games last year they lost to louisiana lafayette in the first game and wound up having the maybe the best season in school.
So I don't know that that necessarily means anything.

Although when Big Cat came on my show on Thursday,

I said I think Iowa's going to crush some dreams these first two weeks.

They certainly crushed Indiana.

And I got a feeling Iowa is going into Ames and beating Iowa State. And that's not a knock on Iowa State.

I just think Iowa's going to be really good.

But Iowa State is a very kind of classic slow starter.

So the fact that they won that game

I almost look at as progress

because that is a game they would have lost

over the last three, four years.

As good as Matt Campbell

is, for whatever reason, they feel like a slow starting team.

And so they won it.

Now they go into this game against Iowa.

Maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe they

house Iowa. And then if you look at the beginning of their Big 12 schedule, they can run with this for a while.
So this is a big game for them. If they can win this, they're in really good shape.
Yeah, and that's why Brock Nelson, Iowa State's quarterback, they call him Brock Tober because he's the best quarterback of all time in Brock Tober. Brock Purdy.
Brock Pur mean, yeah. Yeah, he's incredible.
He's a great improv guy, and just the play seems like it's never over with him. And that's what I love, and I'm excited to see him against Iowa's defense because I think that does give them a chance against a team that, I mean, Iowa has been good since the end of last season.
Like, two games at the beginning last year and then just went on a run nobody really noticed because they had lost the first two and so nobody was thinking about them and the big 10 season was so messed up anyway it might just be that they are really good yeah so the sticking in the big 12 um i was very focused on this game because randomly, I think it was maybe Wednesday or Thursday,

some random person tweeted me and they said that if Tulane beats Oklahoma, you have to mud wrestle me in Central Park.

And I said, deal.

So I was like, it was out of nowhere.

I just said deal.

It's like a 31-point spread.

Was that Tulane and Willie Fritz, who's a good like you know looking good or was it Oklahoma uh-oh this was supposed to be the year the defense you know started to get better and they did not look good I think that was some of column A and a lot more of column B I think Willie Fritz is a very good coach and uh Pratt uh Tulane's quarterback looked really good I was impressed with him but Oklahoma did not look like they looked the end of last season. At the end of last season, Oklahoma was just shredding teams.
And the defensive line was really good. And they were disruptive.
The way they play D-line is they roll a whole bunch of guys in. They're always fresh.
They're almost always getting after the quarterback. They don't have – they've never been able to really recruit the just ready-made 305-pound that Alabama has than Ohio State and Clemson have.
So they've kind of had to work within what they have. And so they'll get these guys that are 260.
They'll put 20 pounds on them and they'll move them all around. And they're really good athletes.
And Alex French has done a good job with that defense because he took it from being completely pathetic the year before he got there to at the end of last year, they were one of the better defenses in the country. So I don't know if it's a case of they just got caught up in the talk.
Everybody's saying, well, this is the best Oklahoma defense in years. This is this is the Oklahoma team that can finally really contend for the national title.
I'm not sure. I suspect that's what happened.
I suspect that they are better than what we saw on Saturday. I'm not ready to just go off the cliff and say, well, we overrated them.
They're going to be just average. And to credit to Oklahoma, the Tulane uniforms, those are maybe my favorite uniforms in college football.
The ones they wear are so good. Those powder blue with the green and the weight, like incredible uniforms.
So Troy Dan and their athletic director told me that when he got the job, he found a bunch of old logos in a closet, basically. And they had these, the angry wave was one of them.
And they have a whole bunch more. There's a company called Home Field that makes those t-shirts and they put them all on t-shirts and it's it's unbelievable but but yeah it's like who puts this stuff in a closet and just forgets about it yeah their uniforms sucked before this yeah and now they're amazing yeah they're when i saw them coming out in that i like i said i was watching that game closely because i was like i might have to mud wrestle a stranger in central park that's one of those uniforms where it i think there was probably like a 20 year period of time when that didn't look cool yeah and then it started to be cool again you just have to forget about your retro logos for a while i think that's probably the perfect step you just you lock everything in a closet for a while until it's naturally found by like the next generation then it's cool again yeah that is the way to do it but but you have you just have mistakes that happen like pittsburgh trying to copy notre dame's colors why would you ever do that yeah why would you ever get away from from that yellow and the script hit uh those are the best pittsburgh might have the best colors yeah yeah yes byu going navy yeah no byu needs to be royal blue the royal blue is beautiful i agree no don't change those things, no, there are like, I think, does Ohio State have a black uniform?

I remember they wore it one time.

It was so bad.

It was like, what are you doing?

They roll those out usually about once a year.

The thing about scarlet and gray and, you know, with the silver in the helmet,

those colors don't look bad together ever.

So it's hard to have an ugly uniform. Likeorgia their colors are never going to look bad together so even when when they wear those the black jerseys which are terrible luck for them they should never ever wear them but they still look good it it's it's when you get into like my alma mater the colors are orange and blue like you got to be pretty careful how you distribute those colors or it's not going to look right oh i actually all right so thank you because that was actually my last question that i had um dan mullen what a piece of shit he was going for a touchdown at the end when he was when i had uh uh fau plus 23 and a half what was it i've never seen anything like that florida was uh listen 21 out if it's Anthony Richardson or Henry Jones.
They're playing FAU. There's a minute left.
I was probably one of the only people watching the game at that point. They took, and I'm not exaggerating, they took five deep shots.
Five shots where they just sent everyone and just launched the ball. I was screaming at my TV.
I have an idea. Okay.
I have no idea if this is true or not. I have no inside information on this other than I know what happened.
So there is a gentleman on Willie Taggart's staff at Florida Atlantic who used to be a high school coach in Seattle. And when he was a high school coach in Seattle, he had a very good player who actually wound up going to Washington, though Washington has nothing to do with this.
But this coach, when coaches would come up to see, to talk to the coach and talk to the teachers, they have what they call contact periods in the NCAA, and there are times when the coaches can be on a school's campus, but they're not actually allowed to talk to the player himself. They can talk to everybody around it.
This was one of those times. And so Dan Mullen, Jimbo Fisher, Todd Light, who's an assistant at Notre Dame at the time, all of these guys got in trouble with the NCAA because this coach happened to walk them by a camera.
And then suddenly somebody turned him in and said, these coaches were were talking to this player and so dan mullen got an ncaa penalty based on this and that guy's on willie tiger staff at florida atlantic i love it so i have no inside information but if i had to guess that would be one guess and my other guess would just be this alabama comes to the swamp in in two weeks. They play USF on Saturday.
They're going to win that game, but they've got to figure out, because if you watched any of the Florida Atlantic-Florida game, Emory Jones looked okay, but not great. And this is the guy who's been waiting on that starting job.
They have another guy named Anthony Richardson. He's a Gainesville-bred Eastside High School.
He's massive. He looks like Cam Newton and he runs like Cam Newton.
And so they they're trying to figure out, okay, who's our guy. And they're going to have to get that figured out before Alabama shows up.
They have to figure out which of those two gives them the best chance to beat Alabama. And I'm wondering because Anthony Richardson was so good when he got into the Florida Atlantic game, I wonder if they were, they were trying to figure out, all right, how well can he throw? Because we need to know this and decide before Alabama week starts.
I like the first explanation. I like my first one, too.
Yeah, because that's – Always pick the petty one. Always pick the petty one.
That's the best part about college football, why it's such a hilarious and awesome sport to bet on, too, because we were talking about it how scott frost like i i had nebraska pft at fordham i was like i think scott frost is going to cover the spread because he's got to win some money for his boosters like eventually you have to cover a spread for your boosters oh that definitely enters coach's yes for sure yes like they absolutely think like all right i know because what are you what do what are all these guys who are rich beyond belief who can't own a sports team instead they're boosters what do they do every saturday they bet on their team they bet on their team a lot of money and so they probably emotional emotional betting is the worst kind of betting yes and they're sitting there like scott frost better cover this 40 and a half point spread against fordham it's the it's the craziest sport for that reason those dynamics will tell you, Big Cat, and I don't know if this is going to make you feel better or worse, I'm pretty sure Paul Christ has never once considered a spread. No, never.
Ever. Doesn't know what the spread is.
You know, listen, Lane Kiffin's almost admitted it before. Oh, yeah.
There are certain coaches that are like, yeah, I'm going to win my boosters some money. We actually just talked to deon sanders a second ago and we were trying to explain what the point spread was and he clearly doesn't even understand it to this day he's like what does plus eight and half mean i don't get any of that i think he's like i i made millions actually playing football not betting yeah there's an eyeball test if you just show me a coach i can tell you with 100 certainty whether or not he knows what is.
And if the seat gets hotter, then the spread starts to matter. It's directly correlating to how well his pants fit.
If his pants fit real nice, that guy knows. If he looks like he just wandered out of a big and tall store in the rain, it's like, okay, that guy's a football guy.
So, I don't know. Cliff Kingsbury, despite looking like a supermodel, does not strike me as someone who has ever known the spread and i say this because cliff kingsbury is the person who brought flat front pants into the world of college coaching yeah i remember he got the job and i asked him you're not wearing pleats are you he's like oh hell no and and after he brought the flat fronts in everybody else switched i think he knows the over under that's what he cares about he's just like points i'll score i don't care who scores let's just get some on the board score score score oh man well college football's back andy thank you so much it's so good to have like it it really was watching an entire slate of college football and having fans in the stands it it kind of like hit home how how shitty last year was Oh, dude.
Yes, it did. When Virginia Tech and UNC started on Thursday night.
Jump around. Friday night.
Friday night, yeah. Yeah, the inner Sandman in Blacksburg.
And thank you, Fox, for showing us the entire jump around. The one part of jump around that, and Big Cat, you can attest to this, that I think you can only experience in person is you can hear the stadium creaking as they jump.
And that is – I mean that's a lot of lining kugels just jumping up and down. A lot of spotted cow.
When I was a freshman or sophomore, they actually tried to ban it because journalists like you complained that the press box was swaying so much. I went to a game that they didn't play jump around and everyone booed and motherfucked the entire second half and then fourth quarter.
And then they finally were like, this is stupid. Why are we taking this away? So there was a game.
I'd have to go look it up. think it was probably against like UNLV in September of 2003.
They did not play jump around. The stadium hadn't fallen down.
It's going to be fine. Yeah.
But you got that. You got people eating mayonnaise at the Georgia – Not just eating, just like bathing in mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise bong. Shout out that guy.
Hey, mayonnaise sponsored me last week on my podcast. So I can't say I vomited up their brand of mayonnaise on the show last year and they still gave me money.
So I have not one one bad word to say about we're a big male boy. I actually think that mayonnaise recently has gotten a bad rap in the media because it's become cool for people to be like, ooh, mayonnaise, that stuff is like cow jizz.
I'll never put that on my sandwich. Mayonnaise is objectively delicious.
Don't overdo it. Don't eat, like, gobs of it.
But I'm here to be a mayo stand. It's awful.
It tastes like the spare food. No, no, no, it's delicious.
No, Andy, the two things that baffle me online is, like, where did the incredible effusive praise of avocados come from, and where did the bashing of mayo come from? Like the avocado thing. Sure.
Guac is great. Guac is great.
I'll throw it. I'll throw an avocado on my sandwich too, but that's, I don't feel like it's, it's the greatest fruit in the history of the world.
Mayo. I have always hated.
It goes back to like daycare. They give you the ham sandwich, but mayo makes, I am willing to admit that mayo makes some wonderful things.
Pimento cheese is amazing. It doesn't happen without mayo.
I had this chocolate cake once in Mississippi, and the lady goes, you know what the secret ingredient is? And I was like, what? And I figured it was going to be like possum or something. Mayo.
It's mayo. It makes the most moist chocolate cake you've ever had in your life.
Mayonnaise cake. You know why it does that? It's because the ingredients in mayonnaise go into cakes anyways, like egg and oil mixed together.
It sounds a lot grosser to say. But no, you're wrong.
I feel like if you can eat a turkey sandwich without putting any mayonnaise on it, you're a better man than I am. Mayonnaise, it's like – I'm a better man than you, PFT.
Well, I'm sorry you're missing out on the best lubricant ever for your sandwich. You know what it is? Also, avocados, they've got a great marketing department.
Everywhere you go, if you order an avocado in addition to something, they're like, that's going to cost you extra. Is that okay? It puts the avocado on a pedestal.
I like avocados. The other thing is, it's just too much.
Whoever picked up the Brussels sprouts account like 10 years ago that's who mayo needs to hire because brussels sprouts were the butt of every vegetable related joke for 50 years and then all of a sudden somebody decides to cook them with a little bit of bacon it's like oh my god yeah these are the best things ever you put butter on anything and it tastes delicious by the way jake jake is uh our crack stats department it was september 6 2003 Akron at Wisconsin no jump around so there's a trivia question for everyone out there see wait were you there for that game yeah that's what I'm saying I was there I remember being like what the fuck that was probably like your first college game yeah you didn't even get a jump first or second yeah yeah Jake is the type of big J who would complain about it he would write he would write-word column down the rail of the newspaper, like, these hooligans listening to this Irish band. Who's Everlast is a brand of boxing gloves.
Everybody have fun. That's what college football is about.
Facts. Facts.
Come on. Those are all facts.
But, Jake, the second it starts shaking the press box and affecting your pen man. Call the police.
Yeah, that's tough. Well, listen, I love Jake.
Jake was in the building during one of the most important moments of my career. He was at the Tampa Sub-Regional in the NCAA tournament in 2008.
Four double-digit seeds won in one day, and I just – it was like column writer buffet. I ended up writing five stories, and it was the easiest – single easiest and best day I ever had in my life.
I love it. But didn't they screw up your deadline? All those upsets? You probably had some of your gamers ready to go.
You never get to see that though. It was amazing.
That was one of those, like I'm eating breakfast the next morning. Like, did I really see that? But that was my first year at Sports Illustrated.
And to that point, they'd been like, ah, you're the guy we hired to cover football recruiting. We're not going to let you do a whole lot.
And then after that day, they were like, no, you can do whatever you want. And so it changed the arc of my career.
So thank you to Fran McCaffrey and Sienna. And I don't even know who's coaching the San Diego Toreros that day, but thank you for beating UConn.
They beat Jim Calhoun. Yeah, Jim Calhoun, yeah.
They thought it was just – Yeah, he did. They thought it was something about this new guy, Andy.
They're like, this guy, whatever it is, he's got magic. I had one last – Ty Rogers, Western Kentucky, buzzer beater right in front of my face.
That was the first game, and I was like, oh, I saw a buzzer beater in the NCAA tournament. Now I can die happy.
Yep. And then it just kept going.
So I have one last question because we've talked about all the the food that you mistakenly hate. What's one thing that you're looking forward to trying this year for the first time, or give it, give us like the best thing that you've eaten in your last year of traveling around.
Okay. So the last year didn't happen.
That's the worst thing ever because I live for going to eat things. I'm going on a trip here the next few days, weeks.
I'm going to get back to the Turkey leg hut in houston i've only been there once but i've never eaten something and had like two or three bites and then realized i'm actually physically drooling like there is drool running down my chin and that is the the shrimp alfredo stuff turkey leg at the turkey leg hut so it's dirty rice shrimp and alfredo sauce shoved into turkey leg. Oh, my God.
It is one of the greatest things I've ever eaten in my life, and I am probably going to have one this weekend. I love that.
I love how people in Texas are just like, you know what? One thing we haven't tried stuffing is a leg. So we'll just cram it into anything.
Yeah. Let's put rice and shrimp in a turkey leg.
Yeah, I love it. I love it.
andy we really appreciate it um everyone go check out andy's podcast find him on the athletic he covers college football best best in the country i'll say it right now yeah that's just because tom fornelli gave us illinois as his lock of the week on friday so and tom fornelli said iowa state is wisconsin and i was i was literally yelling at my radio so my truck. I was like, no, no, Tom.
Yeah, Andy 1, Tom 2. I just called him Tommy.
Tom 2. Thank you, Andy.
Thanks, guys. Andy was brought to you by our good friends over at ZipRecruiter.
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Put ZipRecruiter to work for you. All right, let's get to Mount Rushmore.
Actually, before we get to Mount Rushmore, though, a quick word, kind of serious. We just want to say something out there.
So there's been a couple news stories recently about drugs being laced with fentanyl. So I think everyone saw probably the passing of Michael K.
Williams. I don't know if that's officially what it was.
No, I don't think that there's anything that ties him to it. There are like a bunch of people.
Comedians in L.A. And again, this is like a little serious but weird for us to say, but I think we should say it because we do make jokes about drugs, and we're not going to sit here and tell you what you should and shouldn't do, but we will tell you be safe and get your drugs tested if you are going to do drugs again we're not going to sit here and be like don't don't do drugs don't because that would be hypocritical but be safe get get the stuff tested just really be safe buy fentanyl testing kits and then you know test it a couple times because all it takes is a very small amount it's been like there have been the news where it's like, oh, you can't stand in a room with it because it'll knock you out.
That's not necessarily the case, but all it does take is just one bad little bump, one small amount of drugs. Yeah.
If you're using drugs, get them tested. Don't want to see anybody pass away.
Don't want to see anyone end up in the hospital. Just get the strips.
Just get them tested and be safe. Yeah.
Be safe because it's, it's one of those things. It's very, very scary.
And we want people to just be, be safe and use your head out there and, you know, try to make the right decisions. And again, we're not going to sit here and look down on anyone for what they do in their free time.
Just be safe about it. Also, it might be worthwhile to look into someone in your local area that can supply with Narcan, which just reverses the effect of any sort of overdose almost instantly.
You just keep it on you if you can, if you can get your hands on some. It's just a good thing to have.
It might save somebody that you care about's life. You might never use it, but you'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.
Correct. All right.
Just wanted to get that out there. All right, let's do the Mount Rushmore.
By the way, Djokovic right now, hitting balls into the stands to the fans. What a guy.
I think he's probably trying. Everybody does that.
What a guy. Jake, this is the first time I've ever seen anyone do this.
He's probably spotted a ball girl in the audience that he's trying to kill right now. No, PFT, he's being an incredible sport.
I'm going to – okay. Hey, would you like to introduce us? Look, he just hit a little girl.
He just hit a little girl on the head with a ball. Disgusting.
You want to explain this? Yeah, so this was a DM that we got on Friday. I'm going to try and pull it up.
But the premise is basically the Mount Rushmore of referee calls. I think the original DM was like penalty calls, but we decided this should be more open-ended because there are certain calls that aren't technically penalties, but it's things that referees do.
So basically anything, any game you watch, any sport, if a referee is doing something, making a motion, making a call, that qualifies for this Mount Rushmore. All right, numbers.
Eight. Seventeen.
Twenty-four. Sixty-nine.
Billy's going to win win After PFT said all that stuff Well, Billy is like Gronk Yeah, sure, he's Gronk He's baby Gronk You share, like You're like humans and chimpans 76 You share most of your DNA with each other We're gonna go first Then Hank Then PFT Then Big Cat. Let's do it.
Trust me on this one. This has been a disaster.
It has been a disaster. We are never on the same page with any picks.
No, trust me. Trust me.
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
What you're about to say is not going to be picks, Billy. No, say it.
Say it, pussy. Say it.
Say it. Okay, ref makes a call.
Giving him the business. Or the one very specific.
Giving him the business. I mean, I think I might quit the team.
It's a great call. It was a cool moment.
It was a cool moment. It's talked several times.
Giving him the business. It was like some ref back in the 80s or late 70s threw a penalty, and it was like a personal foul, and it was like personal foul number 78.
He got there and gave him the business, and that was his explanation. It happened one time, and then somebody repeated it a couple years ago.
It's a great call. Good pick, Billy.
Billy, it is not 1-1. It is not anywhere.
I was sure someone else would take it. Very nice what PFT just did.
I don't even... You didn't know that? No, no.
I knew it.

I knew everything you said. I'm just saying

to do that

for Billy was a big move.

It's not a good pick.

It's a wild pick.

That's a perfect fourth round pick.

I'm a little nervous now because I have

1-1, so I'm kind of second guessing.

You do.

Billy just picked a kicker in the first round. Trust him on this one, though.
Trust him. I'm going to go safety.
Okay. Okay, safety is a good one.
It's the best because when the referee makes the call, then all the players around him, they just start doing it. It's a great moment in sports.
It doesn't happen that often. Seeing all the linemen do the safety over their head, it's kind of like that Egyptian dance.
It's fun. Yep fun moment And it's rare So when you see it you're like oh shit It's a great pick Number 1-1 for me This is what I had as my 1-1 When a home plate umpire ejects a manager And takes the face mask off And uses that as like a big That is the old is the old heave ho.
It's a good one. Definitely.
All right. I will go with and one in basketball.
Nothing better than a fucking and one. And then I will do similar motion, actually, a punch out at the plate.
When you do the point and then the fucking out, that's electric. And it's always kind of a bang-bang play because it's at the plate.
I like that, too. My second pick, I'm going to go with charge.
Okay. I'm going to make the charge, and then you point emphatically in the opposite direction.
Change the tide. I can't believe you didn't pick and one, Hank.
You live and die by and one. I live and die by saying it.
players say it Yeah I don't It's not But the bucket goes in And then Yeah I like to say it I just like to say it I don't do the motion I just like and one Yeah That's how you say it He says it all the time And one Yeah Alright Alright Whoa It's tough I'm gonna go with block Ooh okay Wait Okay. Like's tough.
I'm going to go with block. Ooh, okay.
It's basically this block. Yeah, it's like in basketball a block.
When they jump out, yeah. It's like a hip thrust.
It's almost like a DX. It's a half socket.
Was it Jerry Crawford? Was he doing a charger block when he skipped across? It was a block. Yeah, he skipped.
They take like four hops. Yeah, it's a legendary video clip.
Yeah, it's just like a hip thrust. Blocker charge.
Some people have made entire careers on just asking the question if this was a blocker charge. So it's clearly a big, big call in sports.
It is. Yep.
All right, Jake. All right, I will be taking over the rest of this Mount Rushmore.
Oh, wow. Too late for that.
Billy's been relieved of his news. Billy is not happy.
Trust him, though. I'm going to go with Cold Strike 3.
Okay. Love doing that.
Yep. And then Ed Guns Hockley is known for his first down.
So the first down mark. Okay.
Yep. Yep.
First down's a good one. It's just a good classic.
You know, feels good. All right.
And also, it's good when it's like they bring you out to measure and they give you the first down. And the flash card.
Yeah. I think that was territory before.
Yes, yes. Similar to safety, this one is great just because of the player's reaction that happens when it happens, but a red card.
Ooh, red card. WrestleLamper red card.
Good one I had on my list. Players go crazy, start screaming at them.
Just the instant reaction to it is great. A straight red.
Yeah, because, well, I actually think that the yellow to the red is even better. I don't.
I like the straight red because. Is that a thing? Yeah, if you get two yellows, you get a red.
So they take out the yellow, give you the yellow, and then they take out the red, give you the red. For a second, when a ref takes out a straight red card, everyone takes a minute to process it.
Like, did he accidentally grab the wrong card? Right, right. I thought that was going to be yellow.
Right. All right.
PFT, your next pick. Okay.
I'm going to go with touchback. I like a touchback in a very specific.
What's that, the head? No, a very specific way. When it's the touchback after.
I don't even know what that signal is. It's this.
When the offensive player fumbles the ball through the and it and you are expecting it to be like a touchdown symbol or a safety and the referee just does the touchback thing completely changing the momentum of the game got it okay um all right oh fuck there's some good ones still left all right i'm gonna i going to dip into hockey. Yeah, because this one is electric.

Didn't even think about that.

The good goal after a review when they point to center ice.

Fucking awesome.

Awesome feeling.

And then I will go with my last one.

Oh, it's not called a lot, but I love. Actually, no.
There's a lot of good ones. Fuck.
I'll go with intentional foul in basketball. The X.
That always gets me going. Okay.
Dropping up the X and you can do it. Anything you can...
Most fans know feels good to mimic in the crowd. All right.
Flagrant foul. Flagrant foul.
Flagrant foul. When they...
Boom. Yeah.
I like that one. Mine is similar.
It's a little bit different. Teeing somebody up.
Hitting them with the hard tee where it bounces off. That's great.
It's a lot of emotion that goes into it and you feel the severity of the call with the motion that goes along with it. I have no idea why I picked touchback.
That was a stupid fucking pick. So I was trying to be positive, but it was the dumbest pick ever.
I fucked it up. I made no sense.
I literally didn't even know what the call was. I didn't even have it on my list.
I don't know why I said it. I literally don't.
I have seven other fucking things that I have. I'm really trying to be...
Shut the fuck up, Hank. I'm trying to be positive for you because I know Mount Rushmore season's not your strong suit no it is I got off to a hot it's really not it never has been I got off to a hot fucking start this year and then I tailed off massively but that was my silence said a lot there I was trying not It was so bad.
That might have been worse than Billy's pick. No, not worse than Billy's pick.
I think it might be. It might well be.
It might be. It might be.
It might be. Touchback sucks.
It's terrible. I hate touchback.
I don't know why I said it. No one does touchback.
I don't know why I said it. Yeah.
It's not. I didn't even thought of touchback until like two seconds before it came out of my mouth.
And we all looked at you like, what are you talking about?

But yeah, touchback.

Okay.

Hank.

My last pick I will do.

It's similar to yours, but it's different.

It's different umpire.

Okay.

It's the first or third base umpire punch out.

So when they check, they check strike three.

Like did he swing?

Got it.

Got it. And then everyone, all the attention in the entire stadium goes to that guy.

Check swing punch out.

Check swing punch out. Yep.
That's a good pick. Good pick.
Billy approves of this last pick for what it's worth. Okay.
Touchdown. Good job.
Way to go. Don't overthink it.
Yeah, that's it. Don't PFT it.
No. I didn't overthink it.
I underthought it. I think you overthought it.
No, it just came out. It's like I have Tourette's for shitty picks in Mount Rushmore season.

Oh, man.

All right, so some that were missed.

There's a lot that were missed.

Home run.

Home run.

Yeah, home run's a good one.

Clipping is one because any time a ref has to get low on themselves,

it is very funny.

What's the one when they go like this?

That's out of bounds.

That one's good.

And also, the other part of it is a catch.

A catch on the sidelines is a great one. I like the uncatchable ball over the head is good.
I like in soccer when the referee points at a player that just took a dive and tells them to stand up. Ultimately bitching them.
Be like, no, no. Stand up.
Penalty kick's another one. Similar to the good goal in hockey where they just point to a point spot on the field.
You know what I like in soccer is when the referee makes the symbol of a television with his fingers because it reminds me of TV. Change of possession, like, after a turnover? Yes.
Like, after a review. Yes.
After a review when they come back out. I think the cutest one is double dribble, which we never see, but it's just such a fucking cute, like, to see the ref do that.
The Rico Bosco's best. Yeah, I love the double dribble.
It's so fucking cute. Anytime a ref gets hit in play or out of play by accident.
They kind of, like, laugh about it for a second. Yeah, they're just – It's not really a call.
Well, it's just – and then they, like, pat the player to be like, it's okay, but he's, like, knocked out. Yeah.
When the referee gets wheeled off the field,

is that what you're saying?

Like with a devastating injury?

That time that ump died from a heart attack?

Jesus.

I mean, you're doing like,

what are you even talking about?

Oh, you're talking about ACL.

Joe West's neck?

No, I'm talking about...

What are these necks?

Like the ref's like,

someone's running over the middle.

The time the ref got spit on by Roberto Almar? John Hirschbeck. Carl Everett? Oh, no, that was a catcher.
What are we talking about? Who is it? Who's the offensive tackle that got blinded by the referee's flag? Oh, Orlando Gary? Yeah. Who? He was on the Browns.
Just got drilled right in the eye Orlando Browns Orlando If I got Orlando Gary I'm going to fucking Have you guys ever seen Orlando Browns We had it halfway Wait is that him? No that's not him No no no no That's not right No no no Orlando Browns In the NFL right now I want to say It was Orlando Gary I also had One in baseball That you don't see a lot, but it's awesome when it does occur. When the umpire tells players at certain bases to go back to certain bases.
And he gives like one point there, and that's where you need to be. Like on a ball? Oh, it is Orlando Brown.
Yeah, that's what I thought. He points at them, you're on third base, go back to second.
And instructs them around the diamond. I like that.
I also like when after a goal, when they zoom in on the soccer linesman whose flag is in the air. So the team is celebrating, and you think, oh, it might be a goal for a second, but then the camera cuts to a shot of just the linesman showing that there's a problem with the goal.
I like that. Let's see.
Travel. No one picked travel.
Travel's a classic. They don't call it, so we never see so we never see it Wait what about refs getting into Like a pile Trying to find the fumble I don't think you understand There's a fumble and they're trying to peel guys off Again Trying to get into the middle of the dog pile It was calls I thought it thought it was stuff refs do.
No, it was calls.

Refs calls.

Refs calls and stuff they do.

What about when all the refs climb on each other?

Yeah, what about, yeah.

No, it's so funny seeing a ref try to get into a pile.

What about when the refs hold out, and then they have replacement refs,

and they let a Hail Mary count against the Packers?

I like it when the refs put their heads up to the monitor to review something.

Yeah.

Oh, what about when the refs stand next to each other, to shoulder and it spells that bra? Yeah. That is so sick.
My friend took that picture, by the way. Well, what about when the refs sign a baseball? Is he mad that people don't credit him? Yeah.
What about when the refs wear a white arm sleeve because verbally abusing the refs is a big issue? What about when the umpires did like umpire awareness Week or whatever? Dude, it's still Umpire Awareness Week. Joe West is going to actually die on that hill.
Face mask. Face mask is a good one.
Anything that makes a ref do something. Horse collar.
Horse collar is a good one. What is the horse collar rule? What's your favorite nickname for refs? Blue.
Stripes? Yeah. Zebras.
I like blue. Three blind mice.
Blue is just baseball, though. But they don't even wear blue i was at the red top game and i was like come on blue and then i was like wait they're not yeah no blue is only for baseball oh i mean just sir yeah you call them like the sir yeah one like nitty gritty thing i learned while broadcasting in football there's only one referee the guy who makes the calls everyone else is referred to umpire officials officials yeah oh wow so what about when the guy who makes the calls.
Everyone else is referred to as officials. Officials.
Yeah. Wow.
What about when the guy in the stand says, hey, get off your knees, ref, you're blowing the game? That's a good one, too. Yeah, that's a good pick.
In tennis, when the ball's out, they just scream at the top of their lungs. Really? They scream.
Oh! Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry, everyone at home.
Sorry, yeah. Billy, give us some more picks, Billy.
I kind of like Drunk Jake. I like Drunk Jake, and I like Billy, whatever he's on right now.
Come on, you got one more. End the show with one more.
One more really good Billy. Come on.
When the ref. Oh, no.
I'm so close. Keep going.
Yeah. So there's refs Keep saying it So it's one guy When the ref talks with the coach On a first name basis Oh that's good I like that Oh I like that My ass is in the jackpot Yeah When they say that Yeah And that's a good one Yes Yes Yes Sometimes when they're chatting Like during a free throw And they don't think it was a foul, the ref will smack him in the butt.
Yeah. That's a good one.
You know that was a foul. Oh, when Charles Barkley kisses the ref at All-Star break because they did a race backwards.
Oh, Dick Pavetta. Yeah.
That's also another ref move. When the ref does the three points in the three-point contest, that's fucking hilarious.
Even just when they hold up the three. I had that on my list.
A three and one is actually. The three and the fucking and one.
There's too much going on. It's confusing for me.
I like how they have one during the dunk contest, too. Yeah.
What is that guy doing? Just in case. I also like, as much as I like to say and one, I think it's better when it's a charge instead of an N1.
You like the charge more than an N1? I love the N1 because just the holding it and then dropping it. But the moment when they think it's an N1 and then it switches, the momentum shifts.
Yes, I like the N1. A buzzer beater is like an N1 on steroids when they count it to the table.
True. All right, good Mount Rushmore.
No wasn't by some people some people did a great job touchback hank and big cat great job jake good job dude all right i had the most unique pick people are gonna look at it and be like whoa like whoa everyone else i don't want anyone to vote for me think i don't i don't want anyone to vote i'm so well i don't think they are no I don't think they are. Touchback's a cop choice.
Shut the fuck up, Billy. You're the most cop person in the world.
You didn't even say anything when we were talking about doing drugs, Billy. The most plain...
Yes, I know. I know a touchback is vanilla.
It's like half a metronome. It's like doing a quarter of the let the band play next.
It sucks. It's a stupid motion for stupid people to choose, and it's dumb, and I wish I hadn't said it.
I don't know why I said it. Maybe you're throwing it on purpose.
86. 99.
Wait, wait, wait. 8.
97 is what I'm picking now. Larry died with COVID.
Oh, he did? Yeah. For real? We don't know if it was because of COVID or because.
He wasn't vaccinated. Let that be a lesson.
No, you know, HIPAA, he didn't tell us.

97.

96.

He went HIPAA mode.

What are you doing, Liam?

Jonathan Hernandez actually is still coaching.

Happy birthday, Liam.

He actually could get hired by UConn as a coach.

Oh, I won!

Is that yours?

Yeah, I'm back, baby.

Yeah, you do do it.

I'm back, baby.

There it is.

Was that your first time?

There we go.

No, no.

Repeat winner. You're two-time.
Who's two-time? Jake and Billy? Yeah. It's amazing.
It's amazing how that fucking ball machine just turns your luck around. One day I did it two in a row.
But it didn't count. The other one didn't count.
Official. Brian Kelly.
It didn't count in my head. Did you say Brian Kelly? No, Brian Kelly might have killed somebody.

Yeah, that's why we call him Brian Kelly.

Jonathan Heranz is still coaching.

Oh, nice. Good for him.
They should put him on a list. Flying squirrels don't actually fly.
They glide. Oh, okay.
Love you guys. Love you guys.
talking away We'll be right back. Thank you.
Needless to say I want to send it For me Stolen it away Stolen it in the Life is okay Say after me There's no better To be safe and sunny Say after me There's no better To be safe and sunny Take on me Take me on I'll be gone Give it to you True All the things that you say You get me wrong Just to play my memories away You're all the things I've got to remember You shine away I'll become you anyway You shine away I'll become you anyway Yeah. Take me on me Take me on

I'll be gone