Ryan Fitzpatrick, Hard Knocks Episode 3 And Mt Rushmore Of Villains

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have the one and only Fitzmagic, Ryan Fitzpatrick, on the show. Very excited about this interview.
Great to actually sit down with him. Doesn't do a lot of interviews, but did it for us.
So, very excited for everyone to listen to that. We have Hard Knocks.

See episode. actually sit down with him doesn't do a lot of interviews but did it for us so very excited for everyone to listen to that we have hard knocks see episode three who cares uh hot seat cool throne mount rushmore of villains great mount rushmore and then guys on checks so helping out anyone who's got work issues we're expanding our brand ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariot ariot work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver check out ariot in your local workwear retailer or visit ariot.
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Okay, let's go.

Boy!

Boy!

Now in the street there is violence.

And I'm not allowed to solve the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue and then we'll take it higher.
It's Part of My Take presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to Part of My Take presented by Cross Country Mortgage.
Go to crosscountrymortgage.com slash barstool right now to learn about low rates or refinancing your home. Today is Wednesday, August 25th, and Hard Knocks has taken a nosedive.
It was a drone shot, which was cool. The drone shot was very cool.
Very cool. It was maybe the best shot of any Hard Knocks since the Baker Mayfield spiral.
It was awesome, but that is what Hard Knocks, like, we're at a point now. That was tonight's mojo moment.
It was the mojo moment. We're watching Hard Knocks because that's what we want to do, but there's also moments where we're like, why are we doing this? Because it, I don't know.
Let me ask you this. Let me ask you the Roback question.
Oh. Roback.com.
Go right now. Performance polos.
And just for me asking you this Roback question, PFT, I'm going to gift you a performance polo. Use code PFT.
You get 20% off R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Code PFT.
My Roback question, PFD, is do you think Hard Knocks has taken a nosedive because teams are just not giving them enough?

Or do you think, like, Who's to blame for this? I think we're to blame. I think we've got to stick our hand up on this one because watching Hard Knocks is pretty similar to actually participating in a football training camp over the course of the summer.
We're excited to get in there. Now we're just...
We're going through the motions at this point. It's week three of the preseason.
We're ready to break

camp early. I think there's optimism

when you go into it, and then once you get

in the grind of having to watch Hard Knocks

every week for an hour that comes

on at 10 o'clock on a Tuesday night,

that's tough work that we're putting up here.

So what you're saying is, next

year we need to just Brett Favre this

thing and show up to the fourth episode. Yeah, I think maybe if you were to take the entire training camp and then distill it into two hours, I think that would be good.
A film. A film, yeah.
Just have it be two hours on HBO the last week of the preseason. After the cuts, that way you get to meet everybody.
You get to meet all the kids. You don't have to have 30-minute montages of Daquan.
What's his name? Daquan, was it Heard? Daquan Heard? Putting his contacts in. Yeah, I could deal without that one.
Just have it, listen, have it be like 30 minutes of a drone shot. Or 30 minutes of Trayvon Diggs' son, who is so damn cute.
It actually makes me want to have my son in studio just cheering me on during the taping of the show. Or Alarcon's mom, who, listen, she was very nice.
Passionate lady. Passionate.
It does feel like she used up a lot of God mojo in a preseason game. Yeah, that's tough.
So in the Hall of Fame game when the Cowboys were playing, I came so close to asking God for six more points. And I stopped myself because I'm like, I can't use my God request in the Hall of Fame game.
I need to save that for like a Thursday night game when I need a field goal to get a push. Yeah, you need that or throwback when you're like in your 20s and you're violently hungover.
You need the old God, I'll never drink again if you just get me through this. Those are the God moments.
So when you say God, I'll never ask you for another thing again, God knows that someone who's not going to ask God for another thing would never even say that. Right.
So preseason two just felt like she was using up a lot of good mojo. You know, maybe save that for cut day.
Yeah. I hope him because i love him his family story that was awesome and also his his brother just being like it's awesome that i get to go to at&t watch my brother and eat nachos and hot dogs yeah yeah no that's related that's very they're a relatable family yes but i i am i'm dreading next week's cuts because i think danucci is at the end of his line uh three.
He's got the arm launch angle thing going on. Do you know what the problem is with DiNucci? Is the fucking head thing he's wearing.
Yeah, it's partially the head thing. It's partially just the, like, it's a JMU quarterback thing.
We're like Ohio State for Division I AA. All our quarterbacks, they're great in college.
Don't really pan out. I just, he looks like he should be on, he should be coming off a mountain in Vail, like with that thing on.
You know what I mean? It's got a little bit of that skiing vibe, and I just, listen, it works if you're winning. If you throw three picks, it doesn't.
Yeah, and they even said, like, great thing about DiNucci is he's not afraid to go out there after he's thrown two picks and throw a third one. He's got all the confidence in the world.
I don't like watching the cut scenes in Hard Knocks. Anyone who's ever lost a job can probably relate to it a little bit.
But it doesn't look good for DiNucci. He'll find another place to latch on.
John Gruden will probably fall in love with him. Because John Gruden will take in any homeless quarterback on the streets.
I think the worst part about the cut scenes, and Jake probably loves this part, is when they're like, you were this close, man. Keep grinding.
You'll make it. Yeah.
That part. Great job.
Yeah. If you're going to cut me, just cut me.
I'm not even going to show up. Just call me.
Leave a message. And they're always like, you know, it's a numbers thing at this point.
So, you know, we've all put in a lot of hard work. It has nothing to do with your play.
It's just that there are a lot of people on the team that are better than you. If anyone calls, I will tell them that you're a great worker.
Yeah, exactly. Best recommendation.
Don't want you around here anymore. No.
If you could just, like, leave your playbook and get the fuck out. But I am very impressed with everything you've done.
I would so much rather have them just spit in my face and be like, you suck. You're slow.
Find a real job. They should have.
What's the player's motivation? No. No.
The motivation would be spitting in their face. You know what motivates players is just getting cut in general.
Yeah. That's the best motivation.
They get mad because they got cut. and then they try to act like, hey, can we still be friends? We love you.
Yeah, hey, listen, if you ever need me, pick up the phone and call. I'm here for you.
I've got a lot of friends that are out there. They're still in the marketplace right now.
I'll hook you up with them if you want. I would actually love to be like a player who gets cut from multiple teams and just then decides like 10 years later just start calling all the coaches that cut you like hey remember when you said you'd pick up the phone can I have ten thousand dollars yeah hey uh can you co-sign on this Acura you said anything you said anything you said I was one of the best guys that you've ever been around that you no longer wanted to be around gonna need your, please.
So speaking of coaches and asking favors, I think the only thing that can save this season of Hard Knocks is if McCarthy smashes a watermelon. Yeah, he's got you.
For us. For us.
Not for the team, for us. For us as viewers.
So you need to bet on the Jaguars. Yeah.
Because if you bet on the Jags this week, knowing what McCarthy likes to do to you, that will be a watermelon. He will.
He'll smash it. But again, that's almost worse than asking God for a favor in the preseason is smashing a watermelon in the preseason.
You do need to wait on for that. All right, other just notes.
So Trayvon Diggs' son, very, very cute. Also, anytime you put any kid under five years old in a bucket hat, it is infinitely cuter.
I want to have a kid. I want to have a son just have a hype man like that.
Yeah, he was awesome just screaming. Although I did hear that last high-pitched scream.
I know that scream. That one's bad.
That's a kid scream. That's a kid scream.
That's like Simba trying to roar. Yeah, it's tough.
The card doctor was electric electric i would watch him for an hour because just like the idea that this guy fourth generation cowboy employee which is incredible he gets asked to play cards with dak prescott and then like the scene where he is playing cards beats them and walks it off like don't ask me to come back down here that here. That's such a cool moment that I think everyone would aspire to do to beat a professional athlete in something and then talk a little shit.
Yeah, well, that happens to Dak occasionally. Yes.
He gets beaten by some people that aren't professional athletes. True.
Panama. Panama City Beach.
Hey, listen, if there's one place where you can just wipe that off, everyone should get their ass kicked in Panama City at some point. We should make that go revival.
In their life, yeah. Oh, Dak Prescott's doubtful for week one.
He got beat up. Yeah, Dak Prescott, parentheses, got stomped by Sigma Chi.
Questionable for week one. But, yeah, that guy was awesome.
And also, if you're just a mailman, that's a cool nickname that you can have. People can just call you the mailman and be like, yeah, that's awesome.
Well, the card doctor. My job.
Yeah, car doctor is pretty damn cool. That's pretty good, too.
And then Jerry Jones. Can I get a little Jerry Jones for the line he had? Which one? Had more shots than a Cocker Spaniel.
Hey, get that. You don't need to worry about sticking me with any pricks, man.
I'm not going to circumcise a mosquito here. I had more shots than a goddamn greyhound.
The man went into Gruden. Yeah.
Yeah, he did. He did a little bit so why why didn't we have steven jones jerry jones's son helping out kwan with his contact lenses that as far as i can tell that's what steven jones's job is is to clean people's eyewear last doctor i i do think that you should have somebody on your team that has rex packs at all times yeah like that's a great guy that's a glue guy yes and also it does uh anyone who's played any sport any level knows that before a game you look across the sideline and size up the opponent if you see a guy in rec specs you're like well we're gonna fucking win today yeah so you get them false confidence and then you beat their ass so that's that's i would have i'd have my guys wearing like pocket protectors rec specs all of them on.
Just give them some confidence. Billy, you played football for a while.
If you saw a guy with rec specs on the opposing sideline, what went through your mind? Scrub. Yeah, well, that's because you're not a rider.
Because I know another guy that wore rec specs back in the day. You are, Scaliband.
You walked right into that one, Billy. Yep.
I played you like a goddamn fiddle on that one. Disavow Billy.
Billy just got it. Yeah, just got it right now.
That just hit him. No Dan Quinn this week.
That was tough. I would have liked to see him coaching.
But we did get Bob McAdoo in the background. We got McAdoo.
We got Joe Philbin. Yep.
The Cowboys are just... I think people don't realize enough how crazy it is that Jerry Jones, the owner of the team,

he is the general manager.

Oh, yeah.

He's grinding film and grading players out.

I'm sure he's got all the analytics.

He's going on scouting.

He goes scouts teams all the time. He goes to East-West game, the Shrine game, whatever it is.

Senior Bowl.

The Bises game.

He goes to all that.

He lives at Hotel Sixes all the time.

He's walking around with a stopwatch at all times. That's what Jerry does.
Yeah. All right.
So Hard Knocks stinks. All right.
Before we get to Hot Seat, Cool Throne, obviously people saw the news, the tragic passing of Jimmy Hayes. So we wanted to at least acknowledge that.
I knew Jimmy. I was introduced to Jimmy in 2013 when he was on the Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup run um he's very close with our very good friends at Spittin' Chicklets so uh just tragic and it's one of those moments like I think I you know like I said I I knew him a little bit but also just the fact he has two kids that are almost identical ages to my uh two kids and it's just it's's, it's fucking terrible.
And it's one of those, like, you know, life's too short. Tell people that you love them kind of moments.
You see the outpouring from the hockey community. It's like, there was not a single person that has a bad story about him.
Like he was the ultimate, ultimate locker room guy, ultimate, you know, teammate, buddy. He was one of the first athletes that I met who was like a fan of Barstool.
And it was one of the coolest moments. I remember meeting him in 2013.
And he was one of those guys that everyone liked to be around. And it's just really, really tragic.
And I think anyone who met him, heard him, podcast, whatever it may be, their life was better for it. So we just wanted to say something for the hockey community for spitting chicklets guys for the hayes family who was very close to barstool so yeah really really really tough i never met the guy but um a way that you can tell a lot about somebody uh is if after they pass away like what the reaction is and it was just all people having the nicest things ever to say about the guy.
People that I love cared very deeply about him and thought of him as a brother. And so, you know, there's obviously, it's a heartbreaking time and nothing good that you can say, but it certainly sounds like he had a very positive impact in his short time.
And it does sound like there will be a lot of people who will be in his children's life because like i said that part just like fucking it's rare that a death like really hits me and that one hit me pretty damn hard on uh monday night especially when i was like putting my son to bed and it was it was it's it's fucking really really bad so we're thinking about them uh we're thinking about the people that are close to us, like PFT said, and just wanted to throw that in there. Can't really transition from that.
We did record this part after this, so if you're wondering why it sounds so upbeat after this. Well, let me do a side transition to buffer it.
Baseball is kind of back because we watched the Braves-Yankees game that was electric. That was actually the sign that we knew hard knocks wasn't good anymore was we had Braves-Yankees on, and we were all watching Braves-Yankees while like half watching out of the corner of our eyes hard knocks.
How does that work if there's a foul tip called on a third strike and then it wasn't tipped? What happens on that? I guess it's not reviewable. It's not reviewable.
So, Hank, are you nervous about the Yankees because they've now won 11 straight? Getting hot too early. There it is.
I like that. That's a great answer.
You have that ready to go. In fact, am I wrong? No, you're not.
Hank, I'm looking at the calendar right now. Is this October? No.
No. Is it even month before August? September? No.
I don't think it is no yeah at all it's called September that sandwich month between August and October no it's not line it's line it's not September uh the Yankees I don't know the boys of summer they're um they are looking like they're having fun and whenever you see a Yankees team start to have fun, it's like a precursor for maybe some problems. Yes.
I mean, if Chapman, like, if that's your closer, you can't be confident of that going into October. Who's a sweatier man, Aroldis Chapman or Patrick Ewing in the history of New York sports? Yeah.
Because Aroldis Chapman, he is able to accomplish Patrick Ewing-like levels of sweat in a much shorter period of time. Patrick Ewing, he had that sweat going, but usually it was after, I don't know, maybe like 30 minutes of being out on the court.
Whatever Shaq, though. Shaq, it's obviously not New York athlete, but Shaq used to be pouring sweat during the national anthem.
I always was shocked by that. But Aroldis Chapman, he wears long sleeves.
Like, it's Atlanta in August. It can't be less than 90 degrees, and he's just sweating through it.
I think it's because you get a better grip on it when you do the sweat and the rosin. And his baseball cap was just dripping, pouring out sweat, which you have to imagine underneath there was like a swamp on top of his head.
Someone check it out for handicapping October. When it's October and it's cool and it's brisk, you don't have that sweat to mix with the rosin.
He's going to dump water on himself before he comes out. I also wonder what sort of performance-enhancing substances you might take that would cause hyperhidrosis as a side effect.
Something to look into. Interesting.
One other quick side note. The third TV was on the Red Sox game, and they won.
Oh, there you go. And you watched.
Yeah. Yeah.
Also, quick side note, we're at the point of create videos where we're getting the really horrible injuries, which is my sweet spot. Watched a person break their leg and arm today.
I would much. Different videos.
I would rather watch a leg break 10 times out of 10 over a snapped arm. Snapped arms, they hit so different.
Well, you know what it is? I didn't know about that. So as someone who's watched a lot of these videos, PFT is kind of right because the arm break, usually the person stands up and basically shows their arm to the camera in shock.
The leg break, very rarely you get someone standing up. And I think we've seen enough leg breaks, or ankle sprains, as in Dak Prescott, but we've seen enough leg breaks in sports that we watch commonly.
You don't really see that many arm breaks, and when you do see them, the person usually grabs their arm and runs off the field, so you don't see the bend back I actually think like breaking your arm at the elbow is the most painful injury to watch.

Have you ever broken a bone?

A lot of them, yes.

Have you snapped like a leg?

Yeah.

Ankles, leg, arm, shoulder.

Yeah, a lot of them.

Damn.

I have bad bones.

Terrible bones.

Maybe that's why I love them because I'm like, yo, I know what that feels like. I'm not representation it's important have you broken bones oh yeah you buddy billy feels like a guy who has not broken any bones good genetics why would you say that because he didn't play in college no but you did you you haven't right i have not there's like you know everyone knows the guy who's like played sports but just for some reason, he's got great genetics,

flexibility, whatever it may be.

And then on the other side, it's me who, if I fucking walk off a curb, Liam knows, Bubba

knows, you walk off a curb funny and you're fucking...

You can't...

Yeah, PFT broke his bone walking.

Walking, yeah.

Although...

Yeah, PFT...

Bubba got hit by a car.

Yeah, well...

Bubba hit the car.

Allegedly.

Allegedly.

Confirmed. By who? Oh.
Me? car yeah well allegedly allegedly confirmed by who oh i don't know uh-huh um billy i'm joking about your your college career but i think they know but i knew there is something to be said with genetics guy with big cat saying like yeah you were too busy injuring other guys yeah hurt yourself no no no but i'm being serious like. Everyone knows the really good athletes.
Billy, that's a compliment. Take it.
Really good athletes who just their bodies are better and they don't break bones. I have not.
I drank a lot of milk. There you go.
Jim Harbaugh. Jake, have you ever broken a bone? Foot in first grade.
Jumped off a stair. You jumped off a stair.
It was like I skipped three to get to the bottom bad boy didn't work out we never did that again nope what the safety patrol say was he like told you yeah no i wasn't in school friend's house ah tough carpet no oh okay time jumping i oh my i wish there was a video of jake jumping watch this guys no i don't First grade. But I've had shoulder surgery, deviated septum.
That's not a book. Yeah, I'm just saying other procedures.
Allergies. Allergies.
Hypochondria. A lot.
Yeah, all those things. Hank, you've broken bones.
No? No, yeah. Oh.
I think from first to third grade, I've broken both of my arms like three times. Yeah.
That's why I'm so ambidextrous. Dude, first time I ever got on a skateboard, I literally jumped on it, rolled about five feet, fell straight forward and broke my wrist.
Oh, no. I have broken a bow.
I cracked my L5 vertebrae in one grade. Oh, that's bad.
Okay. But then I didn't know about it and found out about it later.
Built different. I think if you get your kid a trampoline or a skateboard, you're just basically like, hey, you're going to spend the summer upstairs.
Trampolines, pools, skateboards. I almost broke my ankle playing tennis with PFT and Hank last year.
Oh, yeah, that's right. Pretty much broke it, yeah.
Yeah. All right.
Well, that was a good job. To quote Joe Burrow, he says, if I died without scars, that just means I did nothing worth fighting for.
Yeah. So it looks like us over here.
Badasses. Frontlines.
Hell yes. Hell yes.
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Barstool Golf Time app now. Hot seat, cool throne.
Hank. My hot seat is Cam Newton.
And kind of Cole Beasley, similar reasons, but Cam Newton's unvaccinated. He is testing negative personal that's a hip of violation apparently yeah sorry well no it's really not because of the way things shook out uh but apparently him and the patriots were not fully up to speed on the covid you know regulations and rules and he went to like an out-of-state doctor's appointment which apparently broke what was the doctor for i don't know can we get Andy Dalton to see this doctor? Sure.
I don't understand the joke. You can never be too healthy, big cat.
I just would like Andy Dalton to go into this protocol. Nice guy, but so that Justin Fields could start.
Because I assume that's what's going to... I saw the Belichick where he was like, does this open up a spot for Mac Jones, like an opportunity? He's like, didn't he say yes? Yeah.
Michael Girardi, there was a quote earlier. He said, per sources, there's a level of frustration internally with the Cam Newton situation.
One important member of the organization believes this has opened a window of opportunity for rookie Mac Jones. Team practices today and then with New York Giants tomorrow.
I mean, that's Belichick's whole thing is like the team, the team, the team. Right.
Doesn't matter what it is, but if you fuck up your commitments to the team, like. It's an advantage for Mac Jones.
Right. To.
So, yeah, I mean, it sucks. It sucks for Cam Newton.
It sucks for, like, Cole Beasley's similar thing where it's like he... No, I don't think so.
Well, it doesn't... What do you mean? They could just get vaccinated.
Well, right. It's his choice, and if you make a choice, there are consequences to your choices.
I don't feel bad. Now, by the way, I did take...
I don't feel bad for Cam Newton receiving yardage. I feel bad for the Patriots and the team that I root for having to deal with this type of stuff.
But yeah, you should probably just get vaccinated. Yeah, be a good teammate.
Jerry Jones said that. Jerry Jones was like, everyone should get vaccinated.
Yeah, so did 45. My cool throne is college football.
Week zero is here. We're back.
Football is back. is back Football this week It's officially back Nothing triggers Hank more than us saying Football is back for the entire month of August Every year we do it Because there are different reasons every week for football being back He gets so mad When you see the first commercial for Hard Knocks Football is back What do you mean? The first episode of Hard Knocks, football's back.
When rookies show up in the third week of July, football's back. Yeah, when the Packers do the little bicycle thing, football's back.
I'm the biggest pigskin head on this podcast. Oh, really? Pigskin head.
But college football's back this weekend. Play Barstool.
You guys may have heard of it. We have a new game.
So there's been a lot of games. There's the pigskin parlay on Sundays.
Now we have a game for Saturdays. It is college football based.
It's over-under. So this is for every state that doesn't have the sportsbook yet? This is for every state period.
Every state period. Got it.
Except Florida. Except Florida.
If you're in a state without the sportsbook, if you're in a state with a sportsbook, bet on the Barstool Sportsbook and do this. But New Jersey, we are now live.
We are now live in New Jersey and we are now live with the college

football game. Last year when the Pigskin Parlay

hit, I said if we get 200,000 entries, I'll get a

cat and I'm going to match it.

200,000? Two cats. I'll get

two cats for 200k entries.

The contest closes this Saturday. One elderly

one. I'll get one elderly one

and one kitten. One that's like about to die, so

you have to deal with that.

I want it to die. I want

you to get really attached

Thank you. I'll get one elderly one and one kitten.
One that's like about to die, so you have to deal with that. Yeah, I'll get one.
I want it to die. I want you to get really attached to it, and then it dies.
I would like for one of the cats, maybe the elderly one, to have some sort of illness that you have to give it injections. Yeah, and I want it to live for maybe eight months, so you're like, ooh, I kind of love this thing, and then boom, dead.
I'll get one Marlin's Man cat and one little baby kitten. So the main one, the Maine Coon, is that what it's called? Sure.
Those things are sick. You should get a Bobcat and a kitten and see if the Bobcat eats the kitten.
That's going to be a yes. I don't know if you can buy a Bobcat, Billy.
You can get an ocelot. Yeah, there we go.
Get an ocelot. Jungle cat.
Yeah. Yeah, so your weekends are covered.
If you're in a state with the Barstool Sportsbook, you can bet on it.

And either way, you can play in the Play Barstool app.

Saturday, college football.

Sunday, NFL.

Football is back.

I'm so excited. Good job, Hank.

All right.

Then just hit the over on every single one.

Yeah.

I think you have to.

Or week zero.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

Just ten overs.

Yep.

All right.

PFT, your hot seat, Kultrunk.

My hot seat is Curses. Curses are on the hot seat.
Tony Fanau won a golf tournament. The curse of the Puerto Rican Open is over, even though some people say that it ended a long time ago when some other guy who's not Tony Fanau.
Doesn't count. But that doesn't count.
Tony Fanau won the Northern Trust. So, yeah, the curse is done.
The curse of the Puerto Rican Open. I guess people are free now to win that tournament.
Now, let me ask you a question. I just cursed the Falcons because they looked at Blake Bortles but didn't sign them.
You can't curse the Falcons. Well, no.
I realized after I cursed them that I might have actually freed them. Yeah, no, it's a double curse.
Right. So, yeah, that's really the only way to get rid of the Falcons.
So now you have to bet on the Falcons. Yeah, although I think they're going to suck.
I think they're going to suck. You can still bet on them.
Sucky teams are the best teams to bet for. I moved the table by like an inch, and I'm very off right now.
It's okay. I'm going to make it through it.
My cool throne. I am.
I'm off. I feel very exposed.
You can see everything about me. Ted Lasso take quakes on the cool throne.
Just, in general, fictional characters who eat pussy on the cool throne because there was an awesome tweet from Carol Blymeyer today. People are mad about there's now been a backlash to Ted Lasso.
Then there was the backlash to the backlash against Ted Lasso. I haven't followed any of this, and I feel very free.
Oh, it's wonderful. But then Carol Blymeyer stepped in online and totally settled everything.
Responded to somebody saying that this season of Ted Lasso is not good and she said, I think what you're not ready to admit that what really bugs you about Ted Lasso is that men go down on women before satisfying their own needs. You hate that women tell men...
Spoiler, I haven't watched it yet., spoiler alert. There's a guy that eats pussy on the show.
Okay. Classic PST.
Seems like a very important plot point. It is.
You hate that women tell men what they want sexually and get it. You feel threatened by confident women.
And then she hit us with the emoji of the dartboard with the dart on the bullseye. Hold on.
So is she saying that the season sucks because of that? No, she's saying that other people say that it sucks. This is now the backlash to the backlash, to the backlash, to the backlash for Ted Lasso.
But who's, and she, we've reached the point in the, in the discussion around Ted Lasso, uh, where there's this woman who steps in saying that the real reason men hate it is because there's a guy that. And then we have to remember that there are literally millions of people who watch this show without sharing a thought about it publicly.
Correct. Correct.
The vast majority of people just watch the show and then keep going with their life. For me, that part never occurred to me to be something to feel any way but laugh about because it's funny when it happens.
Yeah. But no, she's taking it to mean something.
Got it. So that would be Hot Seat.
Is that Batman? Batman wouldn't go down on a girl? Is that what we were talking about like two months ago? Yep. Yeah.
The studios took it out. The studios took it out.
Yeah. They took it out.
But yeah, it's quite a take-quake. Shout out Carol Blymer.
That's, I think, a front-runner for Take of the Year so far. The only reason I don't put in Take of the Year is I still don't understand who she's mad at.
She's mad at the people that are saying that Ted Lasso is not good this season. But they don't.
They're just saying it because they just don't like the show anymore. But they're actually probably saying it because they're trying to be hipsters against.
Correct. Got it.
But Carol, I think, is mad because. I don't watch shows that come out once a week i wait to binge them yeah carol's mad because i i think really who she's mad at is the people that aren't retweeting her online so she was like i got to talk about eating some poontang carol and then i'll get that interaction carol also like that's a that should be a that's kind of a uh what's it called what's karen adjacent yeah Yeah, no, Carol is Karen's bitchy friend who's a lawyer.
So Karen is like, I'm going to call my friend, and you're going to regret ever kicking me out of this restaurant. She went to NYU Law.
Yeah, and then Carol's like, here's a man letter. She didn't actually practice law.
No, but she studied it. But she did at one point.
She tells everyone she did. Yes, she watched Aaron Brockovich seven times.
All right. My hot seat is the SEC, all teams not named Tennessee, because Josh Heupel, who is the new coach of the Tennessee Volunteers, said that the team is – he loves the team's energy and effort in approaching like walking up stairs.
So it's really getting micro here,

just literally putting one foot in front of the other,

very football guy.

Also, just hot seat Josh Heupel in his own right,

because that guy, listen, we don't body shame here,

but if you're someone who's maybe of Jake and Billy's age

and you look at the Tennessee Volunteers head coach

and then I told you that he won a national championship in this century, you would be like, no, that's not true. Have you seen a picture of him? No, I'm talking about Oklahoma.
I was talking about a joke of UCF being the national champions. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He is – he's not looking great. No, no, I'm looking at a picture of him right now.
Yeah. He was a star at Oklahoma in 2000.
I think he needs to take more stairs. I think that just when you look like Josh Heupel does right now, you're like, man, look at that guy really get up those stairs.
That guy didn't take the elevator. What do you say, Billy? He coached a national championship? No, no.
He won a national championship. He played as the quarterback? Oh, my.
Yes. And that was only 20 years ago, 21 years ago.
So it's not like a crazy, crazy amount of time. It's, yeah, maybe some more stairs.
Listen, though, he's one of those guys that's just, you know, football is his life, and he's, what are you going to do? What was Josh Hypo? Was he like the third or the fourth choice for the Volunteers this offseason? No, he was, I mean, he was up there. Because they also, I mean, they've kind of fucked themselves because they did the whole, they ran off Shiano a couple years ago.
They painted the rock. They were trying to get what's-his-name to come there.
I think he's going to do well. I mean, Tennessee's a tough place to restore the 90s.
I love the annual tradition, though, of recent Tennessee hires saying things that really don't have anything to do with football but giving their team reason for optimism. Yes.
Do you remember Derek Dooley when he was the head coach at Tennessee? He wore the orange pants. Do you what he was really hyped about after the first week of practice? He's like, we had an extensive discussion about shower discipline and how you have to bathe yourself.
And so I took out a washcloth and I showed how you have to scrub down if you want to be an elite football player. And our team really responded to that.
I love it. I love it.
So yeah, I mean, he's, listen, I'm a Vol for Life, won a national title there, so I'm rooting for them. I want them to restore the glory.
But, yeah, I don't – stairs. Stairs is a new one.
They look good on the steps. Stairs is a new one to throw out there.
All right, my cool throne is Jameis Winston because he's incredible. Yeah.
He's the best quarterback in the NFL. Yeah, you think so? Yeah.
I mean, the touchdown pass that he threw in the first quarter, unbelievable. I also, shut up about boo-hoo Taysom Hill.
Yes. Like, they were going in on how, oh, Taysom Hill didn't get a real shot.
Taysom Hill's getting paid a lot of money to be a gimmick quarterback, and he should be happy with how much, like, he's in that sweet spot. He should never try to do too much because everyone was like, wow, what a great weapon that he is.
When he has to throw the ball 30 times, he's not a great weapon anymore. He's a fine change of pace guy to bring in and do the thing where he runs at linebackers.
That's fun to watch. I like watching that.
But if you have Jameis Winston, future Hall of Famer, or you have Taysom Hill, who threw one pass last night, that it might have been the worst pass I've ever seen. And I'm including Tim Tebow in this conversation.
Yes. The pass hit the logo at midfield.
The camera was centered on the midfield logo, and there was no New Orleans Saint. Nowhere.
On the screen. Yeah.
He missed his closest receiver by probably 35 yards. Yes, very bad.

And I also feel bad for Trevor Lawrence because that's going to suck.

Yeah, well, I want to say Billy might have been right about Trevor Lawrence.

I'm going to switch the narrative on Trevor Lawrence.

I think that the Jaguars will fail Trevor Lawrence,

not Trevor Lawrence failing the Jaguars because if they don't put a team around him, I think he's going to be great if they can put a little bit of a team around him. I think Dabo Swinney failed Trevor Lawrence by not allowing him to lose enough in college to get him prepared for the NFL, right? Urban doesn't look like an NFL coach either.
Yeah, I mean... I just don't see it.
Listen. I mean, you think Urban Meyer is going to be able to lose 11 games in a season, 12 games in a season? I'm saying it.
I don't know. But saying it.
You know what we're thinking. Yeah.
I don't know. He's going to have to eat a lot of fucking Papa John's.
I'm just wondering what that contract with his family looks like this season. They're all grown, though.
He probably still has a contract. He definitely still has a contract.
Jake, your hot seat, cool thrown. My hot seat's the Baltimore Orioles.
Oh! So. They're bad.
They're really bad. They're in the midst of an 18-game losing streak right now.
They're down 13-6. So if they go to a 19-game losing streak, the record's 26.
The Louisville Colonels in 1889. don't count that i don't count that if it's if it's before 1920 i don't consider it an actual 23 phillies 1961 okay all right yep that's that's the mark that they have to hit that counts yeah so they're really bad in january i put them on my hot seat because they did like uh saber metrics playoff percentage chances and they gave him 0.0 percent chance

before the playoffs started turns out they were right i guess yeah but counterpoint cal ripken jr yeah also they have a great stadium sydney ponzone one of the great thick pitchers of our generation great comeback story yeah there it is machado billy ripken the fuck face card yeah so uh

sorry to the Orioles

yeah

Zach Britton

if only they had

played him in a game that meant something. The wild card game.
Yeah. Jake Arrieta.
Yeah. He sucked for them.
Uh-huh. Chris Hoyles.
Harold Baines. Yeah.
The list goes on, really, of elite. Brady Anderson.
Maybe we'll come back tonight. It's only the sixth inning.
Yeah, I mean. 13 to 6.
You think you could put together a team of like the best, let's say the Pirates and the Orioles combined. Do you think that they could win 70 games? Well, considering the Orioles are about to be 38 and 86.
Wow, that's pretty, that's something. That's significant.
They're approaching 50 games under 500. Damn.
That is, that's hellacious. Yeah.
Cold Throne is uh stress tests so we're doing a little call back here i had a notification my phone every time you guys say jake write down a reminder i write it down sometimes it's like months and months in advance you asked me to that's crazy so this is from the may 26th episode can't wait guys write this down chicks. Jake, write this down.
Yeah.

Let's say fuck. March

12th. Remind

us to make fun of you for writing everything

down. That's a Saturday.
Should we do Sunday

13th? Yeah, okay, perfect. Selection Sunday.

Alright, perfect. Yeah.
Just write that reminder

down. Make fun of Jake.

Not blame, just make fun of Sunday and March.

Make fun of Jake. Not blame.
Make fun of Jake for actually writing everything we say down. Make fun of Jake.
How do you know that section? Not blame, just make fun of Sunday and March. Make fun of Jake, not blame, make fun of Jake for actually writing everything we say down.
Thank you. For writing everything down.
Set. And then June 12th, apologize for making fun of you on March 13th.
And remember to remember my birthday, which is tomorrow this year. Wait, apologize for making fun of you on March 13th for writing everything down.
And happy birthday, Hank. Yeah, but also put parentheses for both of those sarcasm.
So we're not making fun of you. Don't order Papa D's.
We're being sarcastic and we're making fun of you don't order Papa Diaz we're being sarcastic we're apologizing sarcastically and also wishing Hank a happy birthday sarcastically but not ordering Papa Diaz on your birthday for real but also Jake put sarcastically in the first one where we're making fun of you because we're doing that as a joke, too. And next day, put a reminder for me, Hank loves Papadias on his birthday.
Get 28. So that's on the night we're ordering.
On Selection Sunday, we're ordering Papadias. No, on Hank's birthday.
June 2022. I need 28 candles, 28 Papadias.
28 Papadias. 29? 29.
Oh, my God. What? Hank's 29.
Oh, my God. This is in 10 months.
No, the second that you say it, that's when you turn that age. You're 30.
You're now 30. Chill.
Damn. Okay, so the reason we got here.
I don't care. Stretch.
I won't even go through it. No, no, you have to play it.
I need to know. All right.
I'll play it on two times speed. It's like three minutes long.
Oh, no. Don't do it.
Don't care. You know what? We'll put it at the end of the podcast.
No, no, no. No.
October 9th. Yeah, but this has to do with the NFL preseason.
Yeah, yeah. No, no.
October 9th. Remind us.
October 9th. Remind you to do the stress test? Yeah, no.
Remind us that you were going to tell us what to do today, but we didn't want to do it because

it was too much time.

All right.

All right.

Wait, wait.

I have a question for real though, Jake.

That was a very good, very instructive segment.

How much time did you put in preparing for this segment?

It took me a while to scrub up the exact minutes and I pulled up a stress test for you guys

to take.

October 9th is a guaranteed we're going to do it.

I kind of want to hear what the stress test is. No, we've got to do it October 9th.
All right. All right.
No shot. Yes.
Yes. Is this a show day? Yes, Sunday.
Boom. Done.
Make that October 11th. Tuesday.
Tuesday, yeah. Tuesday, yeah.
Okay. We're in.
You didn't do the stress test. I love it.
But we will do it. Yeah, we will do it.
Is that Columbus Day weekend? Yeah. Oh, no.
We might have to change that date. We'll have to do it during the regular season because that's when we're really know the stress.
I thought it would be fun to have a stress score before the season, middle, and after. Yeah, but nah.
All right. Let's just keep pushing it off.
All right. All right.
That was good. That was very constructive.
A lot of reminders we set for ourselves there. Billy.
Hot seat gabagool. CDC just sent out.
I love Jake just writing down everything and being so attentive. It's like hot seat, some fucking meat.
Salmonella. CDC said that you have to heat up all your Italian meats to 165 degrees.
Okay. Salmonella.
So you can't eat a cold Italian sub right now. Yeah, no prosciutto.
All right. That's tough.
Jimmy Garoppolo might actually die. Yeah.
Is this just in a certain area or everywhere? Everywhere. Got it.
Meat processing plants. You're supposed to fry up your prosciutto.
Yeah, or steam it, which just means don't eat it. He's been doing it right the whole time.

Yeah.

Cool thrown, C.J. Beathard.

Always getting in at the end of the game, so he's putting up points.

He's like good.

Two touchdowns.

Remember last year he got in at the end of that one game

that Mullins was sticking up and just put up points?

That's what C.J. Beathard does.

Yeah, cool thrown, C.J. Beathard.

I like him.

I'm a big C.J. Beathard guy.

C.J. Beathard's a guy that if you have a 14-point lead in the second half, you're going to win that game by seven.
I like him. I'm a big C.J.
C.J. Baffert's a guy that if you have a 14-point lead in the second half, you're going to win that game by seven.
I like him. I wish he could start somewhere.
Let's not go too far. Yeah, no.
The Jets? You want him on the Jets? No. You wouldn't have to be Mormon.
Eh. All right, let's get to our interview with Ryan Fitzpatrick.
Great interview. PFT, you got a quick ad before we get to it? Before we get to Fitzmagic, I want to talk to you guys about TickPick.
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I'm going to give you five seconds right now. Just jot this down.
Jake, write a reminder that you'll then tweet out to everybody so everyone else can have the same reminder download the tick pick app

when uh put it out tomorrow no no no put it out friday for people that are going to go to week

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And now here he is, the quarterback of the Washington football team, Ryan Fitzpatrick. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest brought to you by Coors Light.
We're on Grit Week. We are on a football field.
We are outside, so if you hear a plane going overhead, that's why. It is a very, very special guest.
Ryan Fitzpatrick, Fitzmagic, the man. We start every interview Grit Week with the same question.
Can you define grit for us and what does it look like?

I've read Angela's book, so probably cheating a little bit.

I can define grit as a quarterback, I think.

Grit is getting through an interview with an airplane flying over there.

Yeah, there it is.

That's perfect.

I like that you're on a first-name basis with Angela, too.

Yeah.

Is it Duckworth?

Yeah, Duckworth.

That's good.

I couldn't remember her last name.

I thought it was Duckworth, but yeah. You read the book?

Well, I bought the book.

Yeah.

I don't know that I really read it.

She's part of the Grit industrial complex.

Yeah. There you go.
Trying to monetize grit. Yeah.
Okay. Well, I've read Angela's book, so I think I'm cheating a little bit.
But for a quarterback, I feel like grit is being able to take the big hit and going on to the next play. It's the linemen looking at you and seeing some qualities that they like.

You're kind of getting away from the pretty boy aspect of being a quarterback.

Maybe not sliding feet first, but diving headfirst into the end zone.

I think there are traits and qualities like that,

especially at my position, that help define grit.

Okay, so quick follow-up because I know we were going to bring this up but are you addicted to seeking out contact because we have a theory on our show that you are one of the only quarterbacks out there who you will look for someone to try to truck stick them to try to run them over sometimes I need that initial hit whether it's getting hit in the pocket or seeking it out just to kind of get into the game a little bit. But a lot of it, like I'm a terrible blocker.
I was just somebody sent me a picture when Troy Palomalo was doing his Hall of Fame speech of me trying to block him when I was in Buffalo and my ankles twisted and my chin strap is, you know, above my eyes.

And, but I did the job. So I don't know.
The guys up front love it. So every now and again,

I'll throw my head in there. So yeah, more specifically, I think the theory is that you,

before every game, it almost seems like you make a note of who the smallest defensive back is.

And you managed to find that person during the game and you run directly into them.

Yeah. And I think the error that I made with Troy Palomamalu was i just i heard him speak and he's soft-spoken yeah and so i took that as maybe he would take it easy on me but he's ferocious out there on the field yeah the uh the beard looks phenomenal by the way and the hair too i feel like your your hair kind of takes or suffers like a back seat complex to the beard.
Do you use the same product and styling methods on both? Yeah. So at the, at the facility here in the showers, we have that soap shampoo conditioner all in one.
It's just awful. And so that's all I really put in it.
Um, so if you actually ran your fingers through it, which you can do off camera later, you can't really get your fingers through it because it's so nasty. Is that a factor in the chin strap flying off every now and again when you get hit? Do you feel like if you had less of a beard, your helmet would be more secure? I do, and most of the beard just gets pushed underneath when I put my chin strap on, the single strap also helps uh with the helmet flying off and i just feel like uh for safety reasons it's better sometimes for it to fall off than for me to take the brunt of the blow yeah is this the longest an interview has ever gone with you without us without someone mentioning that you went to harvard we were pretty close all right i was wondering the buzzer just went off so we missed it by four seconds.
Did you went to Harvard? We were pretty close. I was wondering.
The buzzer just went off, so we missed it by four seconds. Did you go to Harvard? I did.
I attended Harvard. Okay.
Boston, Massachusetts. Yeah, you went to a school up north.
Yeah, in Cambridge. Small school in Cambridge.
Small school in Cambridge. Is it true that you got the same education for $150,000 as I could get at the local library? Dollar and 75.
Now a day. I mean, with Wikipedia, I mean, yeah.
I think Wikipedia is all you really need now. We got another plane going over.
This is Grit Week. This is Grit Week.
Sitting outside on a football field with a plane and a lawnmower going off. So I'm just going to filibuster here for a second.
This is just filling up time is that air force one um yeah it looks like it is hey biden um welcome back all right so do you do you uh do you uh the harvard thing do you like get annoyed about it but that everyone says it all the time it's it's at this point it's like you've been in the nfl so long, it's not really remarkable anymore. I know it is for a Harvard quarterback to be in the NFL, but you're an NFL player.
You've been an NFL player for almost two decades now. Yeah, I think initially when I first got into the league, it was my identity.
I was the Harvard guy, and now hopefully there's some more stuff that I've done, I mean mean beard and whatever else that people know me better by maybe uh so i actually don't really hear the harvard thing yes in interviews but it's not like i sit and watch my game so i'm sure they mention it every time because they have to but i don't really hear it much day to day anymore you know what was a great way to kind of get rid of that was when you put on deshaun jackson's jacket in the chain and you became swaggy i think people were like wow that guy's got swag and it kind of got rid of the whole harvard the uh the buzz about that and that that truly was like a spur of the moment having fun with my teammates but it did kind of change the narrative of my career a little bit,

away from, like you're saying, the Harvard grad, journeyman, whatever else,

to gold chains and tight shirts.

See, I think you should lean into it.

You should be like the Mean Street posse in old school WWE,

come in with a cardigan and just look down on people and be like,

why am I even here?

Hang out with Zuck.

I should be working at a hedge fund. This is ridiculous.
That would be great. Are you ready to finally say definitively what you got on the Wonderlic? No, absolutely not.
49? Never. It'll never be.
48? You left one blank. I did not have one blank.
But again, that's a long time ago, and that has kind of gone away as well, which has been nice. So thank you for bringing that up.
Let's bring it back up. Let's just say it.
Just say, is it 48 or 49? It was not 49. It was not 49, so it's 48.
Do you remember the question that you left blank? I do not remember. Was that one where you were just like, hey, pour one out for my homies who aren't in the NFL.
No, it was more a didn't make sense to me question, didn't like any of the answers.

Oh, did you go back and you did the ultimate Harvard guy thing?

You're like, hey, this test is wrong.

Like this question is actually worded incorrectly just so you know.

Yeah, I submitted the real answer to the board of Wunderlich.

Ernest Wunderlich didn't think that it was very funny.

All right. The most important question I have for you uh fitz magic do you do you know when fitz magic is happening and we know as viewers we know as viewers it's basically when ryan fitzpatrick decides he's going to start doing some crazy stuff and win a football game and and it doesn't really make sense but it makes perfect sense because we've seen it so many times do you feel it do you know you're like oh I got this it's I got the Fitzmagic today there it's definitely uh in football and especially in my career there are times when I feel the momentum when I feel things are going our way or when I feel like I need to create some momentum.
Uh, so yes, I think it's, I mean, we could call it whatever we want, but it is, there is a very real like zone that I get into at times. Um, and you start seeing the crazy eyes and the weird fidgeting body and it just, something takes over me i don't know what it is but i guess we could call it that it's fitz magic yeah it is fitz magic what's the ultimate example of like the most fitz magic play that you've ever had because we could go with a recency bias and we could say last year against oakland or i guess las vegas excuse me um when your your helmet was backwards your head yeah and you just uncorked like a 60 yard dime uh is that would that be the outstanding moment in Fitzmagic I mean one that came to my mind when you said that uh so the beginning of 20 it's hard for me to remember the years too but the beginning of 2018 when Jameis was suspended and I played and I wore Deshaun's garb you know first week we played the Saints and beat the Saints at their place which never happens and then the next week first play of the game was a touchdown 75 yard to Deshaun I put his stuff on the next week we played the Steelers and we're down 30-10 and it might have even been Monday Night Football.
We came all the way back and I threw a touchdown on an audible double move to Mike Evans in the left corner of the end zone. That reaction probably after that throw was peak whatever we're calling it.
You can say Fitzmag it. Can you say the word Fitzmagic? Well, you can fill it in.
Fill in the blank. Okay, so then can we – now, some people say this, but I don't.
But some people, because it also rhymes, Fitz tragic when things go the other way. Some people say that.
Fair. Fair.
That always bums me out. I always think that's part of Fitzmagic.
Yeah. Because you don't have the highs without the lows.
True.

Yeah, and I would just say that there's been more highs than lows recently. For sure.

I agree.

I get the narrative, especially years and years ago in my career,

especially in Buffalo, having some games where we weren't necessarily scoring

many points and losing by a lot and trying to make the Las Vegas blind throw without anybody grabbing my face mask. That's why I was able to do it.
I had a lot of practice. I get that some of those moments people can hang on those, but I think it's been more positive.
I actually do think that you have eyes in the back of your head. And here's why, because my first experience with Ryan Fitzpatrick was watching you when you were playing against the then Washington Redskins back in 2006, I think.

And Sean Taylor was coming off the weak side and he was about to sack the hell

out of you.

And that's one guy that you probably would not want to get hit by going full

steam.

And you weren't even looking at him, but you ducked out of the way and he still

sacked you and he still got a pretty decent lick on you,

but he was about to kill you.

How did you see him coming? it was 2005 yep just okay fact check uh thank you and yeah the the dipsy duckaroo it's just something you learn the more you get blindsided the more you learn that something is coming but it just it was so long ago it's it's hard to it's hard to remember. Well, so you've been in the NFL for a very long time.
I have a feeling you're going to get this right, but can you name all the teams in order of what you played for, like a Sean McVay when he does the here was the play from four years ago? Yeah, that one's fairly easy. Like if you were to have me name the head coaches in order, like that one might be harder but if you i mean i was drafted by st louis i got traded to cincinnati i signed with buffalo after four years there i got cut for the first time in my career signed with tennessee signed a two-year deal got cut they brought in clip clipboard jesus yep and i signed in houston Then I broke my leg, was traded to the Jets, re-signed with the Jets.

That one took a while. Uh, then I went to Tampa, Miami, and now we find ourselves here in Washington.
Okay. You ace that, you know, your own life.
Well, and I will say like there were kids, my, my seven kids have been born in seven different States. So that is one where like I would really get in trouble if i didn't get it right but uh they're sprinkled in that story somewhere that's a very smart way to remember do you have like what people do on the side of their rvs where they fill in the states like here's where i've had a child born we should do that on our bus these planes are so loud yeah they are so well i guess that begs a question you plan on having another kid here you know we'll have to bring my wife in on that one uh huddle up hasn't been great lately um we'll see yeah we'll see we'll see how it goes but uh judging off the last six months i probably don't have much luck how did birthday season go this year because i one of my favorite uh ryan fitzpatrick anecdotes is that you can attribute some weight gain in the offseason to the fact that, like, all seven of your kids, the birthdays stack up there in a few months, and you're just eating cake every other week.
Yeah, and I've gotten used to it now. It's just like a 15-pound weight vest that I'm training with in the offseason, you know? So I go.
We do the birthday season. I feel good about it.
I've got the 15-pound weight vest that i'm training with in the off season you know so i go we do the birthday season i feel good about it i've got the 15 pound weight vest and then two weeks before training cam hits it's just panic just not eating and trying to shed weight and now i feel i feel pretty good i've nestled in right under 230 which is a good weight for me i like that there's just a birthday season like all right strap it on let's go it's cake every day we call it bulking season yeah okay yeah if you put it that way yeah you can probably try to like change the stigma around it but then so i i guess you know you brought up like all the different cities that you played in you're a good quarterback you're a very good quarterback is there a part of you that's like what the hell Like why won't anybody ever commit to me? At this point, it's part of my story.

And I,

I mean, the experiences that I've had along the way, like I really. Yes, there are other people that have been in the same place for 15, 18, 20 years.
But the people that I've met and even the impact I've had in their lives, the impact that they've had in mine, I really wouldn't change it. And even a place like Miami where they needed a guy to step in for a year, a year and a half just to keep the ship afloat and to kind of bring some of these other guys along.
Like I take a lot of pride, even in the success that they're going to have in the future here. I take a lot of pride in the fact that I was part of that.
So I enjoyed. I enjoyed being here, having a young team, and helping show guys the way and helping bring out the confidence in some guys that have maybe lost it.
So I really enjoyed it. My oldest is now in high school, so as we continue to travel, it continues to get a little bit more difficult.
But I like popping from place to place. So I'm going to make you compliment yourself some more because you can't have the career that you've had and not be a really good teammate.
Because, you know, we've met a bunch of athletes, we've met a bunch of guys who they aren't built to do different roles. Like either they're a starter or they're not in the league because they just can't have the mentality, the team-first mentality of, all right, maybe I'm not the starter this year.
So what would you say if someone were, if we were to pull all of Ryan Fitzpatrick's teammates, which I think is like 15% of all players that ever played in the NFL, what would they say is your attribute as a teammate that makes you, you know, teams want you all the time? I mean, I think part of it for me is I care about the individuals. So it's not just, it's not just a meat market out there.
I mean, it's not just we're throwing a guy out there and he better perform or like, I care about these guys off the field too, and sitting in the meal room and having the conversations and really getting to know a guy and what makes him tick and what he'll respond to and so I think when you take the time to know somebody as an individual to know their family to know their story I just think that helps it helps the relationship that you have off the field and on the field and that's just something that I've always done and made a point to do because I think it's important. All right.
If you were to rank Ryan Fitzpatrick rivalry games, because we always love a good Fitzy rivalry game, are there teams where it's more of a rivalry game or, excuse me, a revenge game if you're going up against, like, the Titans versus the Bengals versus the Jets versus the Bills like if you were to put what are your top three revenge games so at this point and especially now being in the NFC which it was in the AFC for so long like I don't know that there are going to be many I mean I you know we're playing Tampa and I don't really view that as a rivalry game I mean that team is so different from when I was there. I can give you the biggest rivalry game I've had in my career, which was after I spent four years in Buffalo, signed with Tennessee, then the next year signed with Houston.
When I started at Houston against the Bills, like that was, that was like such a, it meant a lot. It was a very meaningful game for me to be playing against the Buffalo Bills, and that's probably the one in my career where I could have said, man, that was a real revenge-slash-rivalry game.
So you're saying that we're idiots for always calling them revenge games and for always being like, man, Ryan's going to ball out this weekend. No, I mean, I'm telling everybody in there, I mean, we're playing the Bengals in preseason.
This is a revenge game. I mean, I was there in 07 and 08.
I need revenge. Was there ever a time, like, did you think that maybe, hey, am I a glutton for punishment because I keep ending up on AFC East teams that are not the New England Patriots? Like, you just found a way to have to play Belichick twice a year, every year.
Yeah, amazing. Like, absolutely amazing how that worked out.
And really being with Chan Gailey on all three teams was very interesting, too, that he kind of, you know, stuck around that division as well. But it was weird.
We play you know played them last year without tom but

even in the preseason this year um playing them without tom it's just a different feeling or vibe

in that stadium do you um now no offense to harvard but is there any small part of you that

wishes if you could go back in time and everyone knew that ryan fitzpatrick was going to be this

17 year nfl guy uh that you could have played like at a big time college football program

Thank you. could go back in time and everyone knew that Ryan Fitzpatrick was going to be this 17-year NFL guy that you could have played like at a big-time college football program? So I grew up in Arizona.
Both my parents were Sun Devils. I went to all the games.
Jake Plummer's like one of my favorite quarterbacks of all time and I mean if ASU would have offered me coming out of college I would have been a Sun Devil. I would have been at Arizona State.
And I'm so glad that they didn't because it worked out, and I'm happy with the path that I took. But that was my mentality mindset back then.
Yeah. You're probably the only person in America who's like, my final choice has boiled down to Arizona State and Harvard.
And I wanted to go to Arizona State. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would have been fun, though. You would have had fun there for sure.
That is perfect. I was reading earlier that you've never taken your wedding ring off.
Would you take it off if it meant that you could put a Super Bowl ring on instead for just one day? That's a big J question. Boy, that's hard hitting right there.
Thank you. I'll take it off right now if you want me to.
First time ever? No. So, I mean, the true story is actually I used to take it off.
And when I was in Cincinnati, I forgot to take it off in practice one day and didn't bother me, so I left it on ever since. So there was like a two-year period where I was taking it off, but I think my wife appreciates that I leave it on.
I could always put it on the Super Bowl ring on the right hand, I guess. Yeah, that's true.
That's true. We do have a bet, or I guess it's just me making a bet with the gods, that if you win a playoff game this year, I'm going to cut my hair.
I'm going to cut it for the first time in like seven years, I think. So it's a pretty significant bet that I've got riding on your shoulders.
I don know if that adds to the pressure that you feel this season it does uh but i'll i'll piggyback off that and i'll shave the beard oh yeah we could use the same clippers even as long as you want you want to cut you cut you cut mine and i'll cut yours deal that's a that's a deal wonderful now i'm now i'm nervous yeah now i'm very nervous stakes are high so as as far as this team goes, I've been a long-suffering Washington football team fan. It's tough for us to put together two good seasons in a row.
But right now I feel like the defense that we have in place right now might be the best in the NFL. It's certainly one of the best units that we have.
And if Fitzmagic comes out this year, I actually think that the team can do really, really well. What do you think is the realistic ceiling for me? How should I calibrate my expectations as a fan for this season? Well, speaking offensively, I think the difference between last year was some of the playmakers that have been brought in, in addition of Adam Humphreys and a guy that we haven't even seen a whole lot of and curtis samuel i've obviously seen him play um but he's getting back into it now um and uh dami brown and all these guys that they brought in and there were so much homegrown talent here as it was that on the offensive side of the ball it's fun for me to play in this system because I'm not going up to the line and saying oh my god I've got one guy to throw to is he going to be open on this play I mean we've got five six seven options uh you know Logan Thomas is a guy that really came on last year that I think is going to have another great year um that it's I'm excited as a quarterback to be part of this team aside from how great the defense is and what they're going to do this year so you could take that for what it's worth and you know kind of kind of weigh your options i probably phrased that wrong just give me a guarantee how many victories that's what i was really digging for there yeah um no no guarantees coming from me sorry it's not your first remember we're in the sweet spot where people haven't mentally jumped over that hurdle of 17-game season.
So you can say 10 wins, and it's not as much. Yeah.
You know? It's 10 and 7. Because you think 10 wins is guaranteed playoffs.
Might not be this year. Missed the playoffs twice winning 10 games.
That's brutal. Yeah.
Who was your first touchdown pass to? Torrey Holt did you get did he keep did you keep the ball so i threw the touchdown kept the ball uh i brought it up to him the next day in the locker room hey tory do you mind signing this for me and he wrote best wishes tory holt which like i was like wait a minute no this isn't for like my mom or like a fan yeah i was, no, I threw you the pass. I'm not sure he knew who I was at that point, but it was a 19-yarder to Torrey Holt.
That's perfect. Ryan, keep working.
One day you will achieve your dreams. Good luck, sport.
Thank you, Torrey. All right, so not to talk about another man quarterback in the league, but how much do you think Jameis getting LASik is going to make him uh a future hall of famer which he already is but we're big jamis guys you're big jamis guy jamis one of one um i don't know if you've ever seen that twitter account uh he's got a book the media derangement syndrome of jamis winston uh but yeah he's a future hall of famer he's got like the second most passing yards besides Dan Marino.
So, no big deal. I mean, he threw for over 5,000 and over 30 touchdowns.
Yeah. There you go.
Sounds like you're Jameis one of one, too. I like Jameis.
So, did he get LASIK? Did he get it after you left? I am not sure. Okay.
I'm not sure. Was he squinting when you last saw him? Yes, a lot of squinting.
Okay, so it was pre-LASIK. So if Jameis can see every linebacker now, hypothetically, let's say that's where he is, he actually, he's the closest person to Fitzmagic that we have in the NFL besides you, except he's just like a more concentrated version of Fitzmagic.
Like the lows can be exponentially lower with Jameis, but then he can go out there and throw for like 36 touchdowns in a season, just like absolutely light the league up. Did, was there any sort of like a mentorship thing when you were there? Has it, I'll put it this way.
Has a coach ever brought you in and said like directly to you, I'd like you to be a mentor or is it always like come in and win some football games for us? No, that was definitely one I got brought in as a backup. First responsibility was if he went down to come in and perform at a high level, but the second responsibility was just to help Jameis along.
And, I mean, I know we're being a little funny, but he really is, like, my biggest advice to Jameis was go home, like stop spending so much time in the building because he works harder than probably anybody I've ever been around almost to the point where it's a detriment and he needs to go home and get his mind off it and do something else. He wants it that bad.
And that was really the one main piece of advice i had for him it's not easy like coming up with new you know training things that no one's ever seen before where like a dog is attacking you while someone whips you with a towel so i get why he stays so late like you can't just come up with that stuff if you don't work at it yeah we don't we don't do the same off-season drills you know we do not you don't do the one that has like the giant it looks like a giant scrotum that's attacking him that he's like trying to avoid and then he's like throwing a tennis ball against the wall and catching it with the other it's they're fun to watch though yeah it's probably for your viewing pleasure yeah um if we so we try to get a rubik's cube before this yeah how fast can you do one right now so i'm rusty and you can actually you can get rusty on the cube really oh you can get rusty on the cube yeah okay that's that's unfortunate i'm sorry so really really what's happened and andy smith was on your show uh really one of my big inspirations in my life when i saw him beat me with one hand in less than 20 seconds on the cube i said i want to be that guy and both of my sons started doing the cube faster than me swore it off yeah that's just i can't yeah i mean i'm done i'm not gonna get beat in my own house nope i beat you last time i did it i beat you we're done yeah you hooked us up with him it was a great interview um and i i was saying before this but i'll say for the people so when we were coming here to to washington to do this interview our pr person was like hey uh if anyone knows ryan fitzpatrick like we're trying to get in touch with him i was like oh i have his number because willie cologne who you played with the jets gave me your number and i texted you and i asked you if you would do the interview and you didn't reply you just thumbs up the message and i've never felt like more of a beta i sat there for two weeks being like are we in or not because not even like a sounds good or yeah it was just a thumbs up it was an immediate thumbs up too like almost instantaneous and then no reply yeah i didn't i mean i didn't know you were so self-conscious yeah it meant it mentally messed me up. that's on me so just know that that means we'll see it's it's good because like you can't if you're ever in court and you have to read a transcript of your text messages back to somebody if you're just like emphasizing a message i don't think you even have to say like ryan fitzpatrick emphasized this That's open for interpretation.
I mean, I always tell my kids, under promise, over deliver.

Yeah. a message i don't think you even have to say like ryan fitzpatrick emphasized this yeah that's open for interpretation i mean i always tell my kids under promise over deliver so the thumbs up what is it you didn't promise anything but now i'm over delivering i'm doing it wow what a guy so wait what is your fastest time on a cube though so i i could break a minute pretty regularly um But then like my oldest son got to like 25 seconds and it just was enough i mean i didn't i didn't need to watch that anymore so do you pick up a new thing like every off season some kind of hobby or something so for a while i did and it was like you know one off season i would i bought rosetta stone for some reason and thought I would learn Spanish.
And then, like, the guys that do the yard and I live in Arizona, Spanish-speaking guys, and my wife always makes fun of me because I took a lot of Spanish. And I'll go out there and I'll go to talk to them.
And I'll just, like, speak English in a Spanish accent. Right, right.
Like, that's helping the conversation. Rosettastone has failed you.
Yeah. She's like, what are you doing? You're speaking in English.
So that's been something. I wanted to take the GMAT.
And so for a while. Did you do it? I did not.
Like recreationally, you wanted to take the GMAT? Yeah. Just stuff like that.
And then I was like, I was doing my own taxes for a while. And then it just got.
Did you're a party animal? It's enough. You are crazy, man.
Those were in my younger days, okay? That's when I was really wild. But, yeah, now it's just birthday cake and, you know, just hanging out.
So do you have, like, I would imagine you still have some friends that you keep in touch with from Harvard. And are they just as shocked that you're year 17 in the NFL? Yeah.
I mean, and it's cool because they are now so established in what they're doing. Right.
All the avenues that they're doing that for a while it was like, man, this guy's still doing it. And now they really, like everybody's coming out to the games like this has got to be his last season.
Like this has got to be the last.'s been happening for, like, the last five years, you know. So I've seen a bunch of them.
But, yeah, I think they're all very excited that, you know, I'm still in it and they, you know, are always rooting for me, which is nice. What was your record against Yale? 4-0.
Oh, hell yeah. You can't lose to those guys.
Love it. I got a quote here from a former teammate of yours.
It's Preston Williams. So when he was asked to describe you, you know what I'm going to say already? No, but, I mean, it's got to be funny because I can't imagine what he's going to say.
He said, Ryan Fitzpatrick, that guy's piped up. Yeah.
What does piped up mean to you? Well, one of the meetings, which maybe you have on your your mind like whenever i bring my kids into the locker room pre-covid um the one rule is eyes up boys keep your eyes up yeah and smart yeah so it's not that kind of piped up uh i don't know preston's an interesting guy but the fact that like i think that's a compliment oh yeah for sure yeah muscles probably i don't think it's muscles i think just means like salt spiced you got spiced up okay like if you're cooking like i'm gonna pipe up this chicken real quick meaning you're about to put some flavor on it i think he's saying you got flavor yeah well i appreciate that p-dub yeah do you prefer um piped up or the amishish rifle? So I'm kind of upset that that one died. I mean, that was pretty cool.
When I was in Buffalo, that was the deal, the Amish rifle. And I mean, I really, the beard never got combed back then.
And if it did, I would take the brush they would use on the ball. And I mean, I don't know why.
I didn how to you know take care of myself uh it was early i i couldn't grow facial hair till like age 25 so like that was all new to me but uh yeah that one's gone away unfortunately i like it i say we bring that one back what so we're going to buffalo on this trip what's your favorite uh wing place uh gosh it's been a while I mean, the big ones are, well, Anchor Bar is like where it originated. Duff's is a big one.
The Indy Lions, Bar Bill. The Indy Lions, I think, was the one I went to at the linemen all the time.
Yeah, but anywhere you go. I mean, you can order wings.
It doesn't matter what kind of restaurant it is. Gabriel's Gate is another good one.
Gabriel's Gate. There you go.
I like that you call them wings. We've got to remember that when we're up there.
They're going to know that we're outsiders. You don't say Buffalo Wings in Buffalo.
And when I first got there, I ordered ranch, and it was like, they did a record thing. Like, wait a minute.
Blue cheese. Yeah, no, no, blue cheese.
Do you, I mean, I don't want you to have to rank all your fan bases, but are the Bills number one just because of the fanaticism and the fact that it's not a big city and how crazy those people are? Yeah, I don't – again, like I've loved a lot of the places that I've played. I really have, but nothing compares to the city of Buffalo.
not even close I love it so um this year your first year in Washington obviously we discussed earlier you're guaranteed at least 10 wins which I I could see it happening honestly um is there is there something about like Ron Rivera in the offseason process we were deciding like where you want to end up next was there something that made you want to come to Washington or was it like okay Washington is the best of the following like three teams that are offering yeah so for for me normally in as I go through like the recruiting process it's like there's one team that'll bring me in to have a chance to play and then there's a couple other teams where it's's a backup job. So like, I don't really have a chance or a choice.
I'm going to wherever I can play. This was a different year for me in my career and that I had a few different options of places to go to play.
And so I got to weigh a few of those factors and, uh, coach Rivera, just what he did here last year, just hearing about who he is as a coach, who he was in Carolina,

the respect that the players have for him,

and even just the guys that have coached with him,

the building that he runs.

It's just a guy that was a former player that has that perspective.

There were a lot of different things that were very impressive about him,

so that was a big factor in it.

All right, so I had one last question.

This has been awesome. We appreciate you giving us your time.
Oh, what is it? Mattress Firm. Unjunk your sleep.
Is there any promo code or anything I got to throw in there? Yeah, let me get it real quick. It's the Mattress Firm question.
Do you have any mattresses you'd like to plug? Yeah, that do you what do you sleep on ryan yeah all right so uh unjunk your sleep at mattress firm.com get started with a mattress firm um i pretty much nailed that question sleep experts big cat that you can talk Experts, you can sleep on it.com. Get started with Mattress Firm.
I pretty much nailed that question. They have sleep experts, Big Cat, that you can talk to today.
You can sleep on it. Ryan now is looking at us like, you guys are the fucking idiots.
Mattress Firm. You can sleep on it.
Unjunk your sleep, Ryan. I don't even remember what my last question was going to be.
God damn it. I just think that you're kind of a genius.
I've kind of realized over the course of this interview, by jumping around a little bit, to be wanted every couple off seasons you get to go on recruiting trips basically like you get how many free steak dinners do you think you've had so i normally this whole recruiting process for me it's normally over the phone and i never go visit so i've i've missed out on a lot to be honest so so so like like ron rivera's like hey fitzy we want you to be our starting quarterback and you just thumbs up it you're like all right well that one's over the that way if it was by text yes that'd be a definitely like thumbs up but that one was over the love this yes all right no i remember my mattress firm question unjunk your sleep mattress firm.com go check a sleep expert. You love football, obviously.
Do you think you'll coach when you retire? I don't. I do love football.
I think I love playing football. I do love the X's and O's of football, but I also feel like after I'm done playing, whenever that is, whether it was five years ago, next year,

whenever, like, I owe it to my family to at least be dad and be home all the time

and then figure it out.

So just a little tip.

I know you've been in the league for a really long time,

but a media tip from our side, you've got to say,

it's time for me to hang up my cleats and my jersey.

I'm going to go be the quarterback of my family.

Wow, that's huge. Yeah, that's what you've got to say.
Well, text that to me. Yeah, I'll text that to you.
That'll be perfect. And then you've got to throw in the, you know, usually football guys are like, or coaches will say, yeah, I'm the coach of the team, but my wife is the coach at home.
That's another one they throw out there. Anything that's going to bring tears to me or my wife or anybody watching, I'll try throw you can only you can only basically talk about family and like really sensitive and like private moments in terms of football time for me to huddle up with the kids just throw a couple of things this is unbelievable like damn what a great father that guy is have you thought about when the time does come what that announcement is going to look like are you going to do like the the cleats over power line are you going to note zap it what's that are you going to be is it going to be like a social media retirement i may i may get an rv and just travel around city to city yeah and just see and it'll be it'll be interesting i'll show up to st louis i'll be speaking with that in the background and nobody watching and then as i get further in my career maybe there will be more people that are there to at least clap me off the stage beautiful i feel like that last plane really threw in some extra gas there to me yeah that thing yeah yeah is that air force one again yeah it's another revenge game against the jets yeah uh ryan fitzpatrick thank you so much really appreciate it uh good luck this season i'm sorry i'm sorry for that i'm sorry for that Ryan Fitzpatrick was brought to you by our great great friends over at Noom not everyone wants to be on a strict diet I know I don't not everyone wants to do two days at the gym or drink questionable teas instead of trying to cram your life into someone else's idea of health Ben Mintz try No try Noom.
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Okay, let's do our Mount Rushmore. We got the Mount Rushmore of villains.
Fictional villains. Fictional villains.
Hank, you decided the Mount Rushmore, so you decide the draft order. Let's go.
Also, I think that Jilly, as a team, are very close to breaking up. Oh, really? It's been trouble and paradise.
Billy will admit it. He's just not letting me get my say.
Yeah. Will he admit it, though? No, we went to the tape.

We worked it over. We're doing better.
So you were

being a bad teammate? What did the tape say?

I was shooting from the hip.

Yeah, you're a gunslinger. Yeah, you are.

In any relationship,

there needs to be cohesion.

I mean, you were trained. Shoot first.

Ask questions later. Dude, I mean,

the most important part about being a SEAL is the teamwork.

You're only strong as your weakest link, right?

Yes.

All right, let's go with you guys first.

Jake can pick first.

I'll go second or fourth.

Fourth.

Okay.

Whoa.

I don't know if that's a mistake or not.

I guess I'll find out.

So go second.

No, shut up.

Don't tell me what to do. Hank's very spicy today.
I think he's upset that he's 30. I think you're upset that I'm 28.
Yeah, no, that you're 30? Yes, I am. Oh, they're already shaking.
They're already shaking. This is like, people who haven't watched the YouTube, this was Billy's truck.
Subscribe. Subscribe.
Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe. Billy was just trying to throw some heat, and Jake was shaking him off like a catcher.
Like, come on. Yeah.
Let's not do this. I think you've got to let Jake go first, right? That's the way to prove.
These guys are a mess right now. No, we agree with this.
You guys just had a film session where you sat down. It was Tell the Truth Monday yesterday.
You looked at your shit, and then the first thing thing that happens Bill, you need to make new habits. The very first thing that you do is you go back on everything that you've studied.
I'm beginning to see why you got moved to wide receiver. We need to have some conversation behind closed doors before we come out with our decision.
Players only meeting. Right.
We need to do that and we did do that and now we're going to shoot from the hip. Okay.
The Joker. Oh.
Okay. Good pick.
We're going to specify which Joker? Heath Ledger? Novak? The Joker. I mean, does that need to be specified? No, it's probably, I mean, we don't have to specify, but I would assume you're going to.
Heath Ledger, okay. I feel like if you make multiple movies about him, he's a big deal.

Okay, I will go.

I had it on my list.

Good pick, guys.

Way to go.

Team is back together.

Good job.

Yeah, we're feeling good. Just positive vibes everywhere.

I'll go with one of my personal favorites.

I'll go with Hannibal Lecter.

Okay, good pick.

Yep.

Are you going to do the...

That's pretty good. I need to deliver it with some fava beans and a nice candy.
Benjamin Ratspell. So creepy.
Fledging killers first. I can't remember the fucking line.
It's an anagram. It's an anagram.
Very creepy. You doing that during one of the Corp interviews.
What a funny. Out of the blue.
No, Hester Moffat is, Hester Moffat, it's an anagram, the rest of me. Okay.
All right. My first one, I'm going to go with, I'm going to be Tony Montana, Scarface.
He's an antagonist. He's the main character, but he's also.
He's the protagonist. Yeah, he also.
He's a villain. So the problem...
I was thinking about this. He had it on my list.
It was a little lower on my list because he is like... You root for him the majority of the movie.
Then he obviously turns, but you do root for him. I would consider him to be a villain.
Okay. But in a good way.
Yeah. Yeah.
The other guy, what's the fucking guy's name? The... That he shoots in the...
I haven't seen it in a while. All right, go ahead, Hank.
Two picks. Darth Vader.
Yeah. I can never see...
See, I... This is why I waited until four.
And also, I'm being honest, I'm not going to pick anything I haven't watched myself. I love Star Wars.
Because I was... I've seen them many times.
I almost wrote down Darth Vader. I was like, dude, you haven't even actually even seen a second of that shit.
And then He Who Shall Not Be Named, Voldemort. Ah, another one I've never seen.
I had that on my list. I also deleted it because that's a fraud pick.
Not for me. Yeah, not for you.
I read the books. No, you're a nerd.
You love Game of Thrones. I did love Game of Thrones.
So speaking of Game of Thrones. Why do you got to bring that up? I'm going to go with Joffrey.
Joffrey is my number two pick.

Just a real prick.

Just the biggest prick ever.

Yeah, maybe one of the most hateable villains. Yes, I think maybe the most hateable.

Every time he's on the screen, I wanted to poison him at his own wedding.

Yeah.

Okay.

Spoiler.

I'll go.

Fuck that show.

Second pick.

My second pick, I'll go with the shark from Jaws.

Damn.

I had that one. Fucking villain.
I didn't pick that. I was going to get taken off.
That's a second pick. I'll go with the shark from Jaws.
Damn. I had that one.

I had that.

I was going to get taken.

Holy shit.

Yeah, it's a good pick.

Yeah.

Dated myself a little there, although it just is a classic.

If you haven't seen Josh, you're a fucking loser.

Yep.

I think we're going to need a bigger boat.

Oh, oh, and the pick is in.

Dun, dun, dun, dun. You can say it.
Dun, dun, and the pick is in. Bane.
Ah, so you guys are just going all Batman. The Penguin.
Liam Neeson. I'm glad that you're Mr.
Freeze. I actually would appreciate if you guys were like, at the end of this, like only seen the batman movies scarecrow oh come on guys this is where they're getting trouble they're getting in trouble jason from friday the 13th okay okay uh all right my next pick is going to be shooter mcgavin shooter mcgavin All-time villain.
Great pick. All-time villain.
Great pick. Fucking hateable dude.
I'm going to go Freddy Krueger. Kill you in your sleep.
Every kid that watches any of the Freddy Krueger movies, they are terrified to go to sleep. Yes, I agree.
Big time. Very scary guy.
Not nice guy. Not a nice man.
A combination of like he's got a creepy hat, he's got a creepy face, and then he's got the shears on his hands. Yes, agreed.
Hank, your pick. Plankton.
Good pick, Hank. Thank you.
Why are you laughing, Billy? He was also on our list. What is that? I just pretended to know.
Billy nodded me away from that one. Is that SpongeBob? That's SpongeBob, yeah.
Yeah, what is Plankton? He is just hell-bent on world domination and just destroying the Krusty Krab and pretty much all Bikini Bottom at all times. That son of a bitch.
Does he, like, mess up trying to do that? Yeah, I mean, he has some trouble along the way. No, no, I mean, he's really just trying to fuck shit up.
No, Big Cat's right, though, because doesn't he always, like, trip over his own plans? Yeah, do we laugh? He ends up being, like, kind of a goofball because you're like, oh, look at this. It's like kicking the brain, right? Dude, he's a badass.
Shooter. No, the Crabby Barstool party.
It was a big deal. Yeah.
Okay. He's a bad guy.
I mean, I don't know. You're explaining it to me in PFT.
Jim Harbaugh. I said he hated him.
Oh, that's right. Remember in the interview? You love SpongeBob.
Yeah, he was like, I love SpongeBob's attitude. SpongeBob's a hard worker.
He was like, Plankton, I don't like that guy. Great call.
Great call back, Bubba. There you go, Bubba.
That's why Team Harbaugh. Bubba coming in fucking clutch there.
Yeah, Plankton is an energy vampire. He's like the biggest negative guy, right? Yes.
Okay, your other pick? Denzel Washington in Training Day. You don't even know his name.
You don't even know his name. The guy who says Jake.
His name's Alonzo. King Kong ain't got shit on me.
I don't even like to get wet. That's it.
Good one. That was going to be my last pick.
Good pick. God damn it, Hank.
Shout out to Bubba. All right Hank Alright so for my last one I'm going to go with The Iceberg in Titanic All time villain Killed a lot of people Wouldn't it be the pilot Or the captain No but the Iceberg But it was just sitting there What the Iceberg ever do to anyone What did the iceberg ever do to anyone? Yeah, it's true.
He was just fucking hanging out. It smoked like 4,000 people.
No, the captain. The captain did.
No, the captain wasn't up in the crow's nest falling asleep with his dick in his hands. That was like whatever the petty officer was up there with binoculars.
But the captain set the course. Yeah, but I mean, listen, that's how you get from Cove Ireland

to New York City.

Yeah, like if you

take a boat through

iceberg land,

like maybe

plan for some icebergs.

Iceberg took a charge.

Right.

Iceberg,

the ball's going

the other way.

Iceberg didn't fucking move.

Iceberg had position.

That's a fact.

But it still killed

a lot of people.

It didn't move.

The Titanic went

into the iceberg.

Fine, I'm changing it.

No, no, no.

That's a good one.

No, no, no.

Is the atomic bomb a villain or is the person who made it? Oh, good point, Hank. Malcolm Gladwell over here.
Damn. All right, my last pick.
It's tough. It's tough.
I'm going to go with the dude from No Country for Old Men. Javier Bardem.

Yeah, Anton, I think is his character's name. That guy, what a fucking scary-ass villain.
The cattle destroyer that he puts in your head. He's doing it in people's heads.
Oh, what a fucking villain. All-timer.
Was that your last pick? No, I had it on there with Jake to know who that was. Ah, okay.
These guys are incredible. We're going to go with Scar from The Lion King.
Okay, good pick. It's a good villain.
Yeah, I think everyone did well. If you did bad things in a Disney movie, that's not good.
The captain probably deserves a majority of the blame. At the end of the day, the iceberg killed thousands of people.
Honestly? No, it didn't. The water killed millions of people.
Who has the biggest death toll? That's what I'm wondering. The water.
The guy who took off all the lifeboats. Yeah.
To maximize passengers. Oh, that's a good point, Billy.
The iceberg didn't kill the people. The guy who basically.
I know the designers. He didn't put enough lifeboats to maximize people on board.
Lib of the year. Billy says capitalism is the villain in Titanic because they're trying to maximize profits instead of safety.
Yeah. Interesting point, Billy.
It was the water that killed the people. You don't know that.
James Cameron. Greed.
Greed. Yeah.
Greed. All right.
One's we missed. One's we missed.
Hubris. I so I can't.
Joffrey was the most hateable guy, but Cersei might have been a more like badass villain. Yep.
Blowing up the whole city and everything. Yeah.
Like she was fucking cutthroat. I didn't watch his face was worse.
The mountain. Almost more insufferable to watch.
Who? The other bastard. Littlefinger? No.
Wow, this was your show. The dick cutter offer.
I've tried to block it. The guy who made Reek? Yeah.
Holy shit. Yeah, but you know what? He got his shit at the end when the dogs ate him alive.
Holy shit. That guy was so...
Yeah, that was a good call. That was a badass.
You know what I missed? Ernie McCracken, Kingpin. Bill Murray.
Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns.
Baby Dunn from Gone Girl. Yvonne Drago.
Yep. Is Patrick Bateman in the world? Yvonne Drago wasn't bad.
That's the same thing. It wasn't his fault.
It was Russia that was bad. That's true.
He's going deep. You're going deep.
right, hey, what about that? How about... Ramsey Bolton is the guy's name.
Okay. How about racism in Crash? Yeah.
Bad villain. Yes, that's good.
Matt Damon, whatever his name is. Mayor Humdinger, if you've seen the new Paw Patrol.
Have you guys seen 24? I had Tony Almeida. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, that was crazy. And Nina Myers, Liam.
Let's see. Gus Fring.
Yep. Great villain.
Adversity in Rudy. Yeah.
I should have fucking done It the Clown, one of the scariest movies of all time. I also didn't know for Breaking Bad if it would be like...
Gus or... Walter White.
Yeah, Skyler is just so hateable. Oh, yeah, I was about to say Skyler.
She kind of is the villain, but she kind of not not I was thinking like Gus Fring is the villain for a while but you're right there's multiple like villains yeah it's kind of like Game of Thrones there's multiple villains right Walter White never went down on Skyler is he a villain villain huh is he a villain Walter he's one of those like antagonists like totally what about until he. I like The Wire, too.
It's like the ultimate, like, the good guys are bad, the bad guys are kind of good. There is no, like, one or the other.
Tony Soprano could be a bad guy. He could be a villain, but also you find yourself rooting for him.
Right, right. Livia Soprano would be my villain for that.
Yes, the Beast and Sandlot ate all those balls, but ended up being a good boy. Yeah, that's a tough one.
actually a perfect Jake pick. Being like, the Beast, but he was a good boy.
Yeah, I would say judging a book by its cover for the kids in Sandlot because they all thought that the Beast was bad. He was misunderstood.
This one just missed the cut for me. T-1000.
T-1000. That gave me so many nightmares nightmares in terminator when he was able to liquefy and then like become the cop that just walked really really fast that scared the fuck out of me yeah uh cruel de vil all-time villain like who who wants to kill 101 dalmatians to make a coat captain hook it's good point captain hook yeah walk the Hook, yeah.
Walk the plank. Lord Farquaad from Shrek.

Yeah, I didn't see that.

Sid from Toy Story.

Shrek's great.

Sid from Toy Story I've seen.

Yeah.

The Devil from the Bible.

Mm-hmm.

Also... Judas.

Judas.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know if Jake has seen

like a PG-13 movie.

Yeah, give us your scariest movie you've seen.

I've seen the Friday the 13th ones.

Okay.

A lot of people die in that.

How'd you do?

Oh, Regina George.

That's a good one.

For Mean Girls.

What?

Lindsay and her crew are actually fucking with her.

That's true.

That's a good point.

Hank is breaking down fucking film, sides. Look at both sides.

You got it all. The minifine people.

Damn.

The kid in The Giving Tree.

Have you guys read The Giving Tree?

Have you read that to your kids yet, Big Cat?

No, that's like a real book, right?

No, it's a kid's book

about a kid. But is it

what age? I don't know.

Probably like... There's chapters, right? I remember somebody...
No, no, no. There's sentences.
No, it's sentences. I remember somebody reading it to me in like...
I don't know, when I was like three or four. Okay.
But the kid's a real prick. What am I thinking of? I don't know.
You're thinking Goodnight Moon, maybe? No. Oh, no.
You're thinking of Shel Silverstein. No, I'm thinking of The Giver.
No, I'm thinking... Yes, The Giver.
Yeah. That one's like middle school, right? Great book.
Yeah. Maybe the last book I've read.
That's where I got confused. Yeah, no, The Giving Tree.
We're clearly all very well educated. The Giving Tree is supposed to be a story about friendship and give and take and how this tree helps this kid along as he grows up.
The tree is just honestly a toxic friend. Is it like he's a piece of shit? The kid takes everything, everything from this tree until he cuts the tree down at the end and sits on it.
It's like, thank you, tree, for being here for me when I'm an old man and I need something to sit on. No, you fucking prick.
You just killed your best friend. Yeah, that's fucked up.
It's like the ticket stub tree. Yeah.
I also had the Dean in any movie about college. Yep.

Dean's always a bad guy.

And let's see.

Oh, and Ferris Bueller.

What's his name?

Nine times.

Oh, he's a pedophile.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Principal, yes. Yes.

Pedophile.

Yes.

Principal Rooney.

Yes.

Disavow.

Good call there, Jake.

Thanks.

Yeah, or the teacher in Breakfast Club. breakfast club yep that one the detention guy yeah yeah yeah what about songs are there any good villains in songs oh i should have done fucking uh marvin harry too yeah that's a good one damn so many good villains although they're like funny villains so i don't know if you count them as evil.
All right. Good Mount Rushmore.
Good bounce back Mount Rushmore off of buildings, which it was it was tough when it was like the closest vote ever. And then people were like, yeah, because it sucked.
Like, OK, well, that makes sense. All right.
That hurts. But it makes sense.
I didn't think it was that bad. I don't think people loved it.
All right. Sorry, people.
Well, I just saw it was really close, and then I saw the replies on Twitter, and people were like, yeah, it's close because you can't pick a winner when we all lose. I was like, ouch, that hurts.
Okay. All right.
You want to finish up with guys on checks? Yes, sir. Hey, Grit Gang.
I'm thinking about quitting my job because it's way too stressful, and I can't stand it any longer. But there's a cornhole tournament going on to the end of the month of September.
Surprisingly, I'm making it further into the tournament than I expected and I'm super competitive. So, of course, I want to win it all.
Everyone in the office is also super competitive and also takes this super seriously. It's like the last year of gym class before everyone stops trying at anything the next year.
Anyway, I want to win this thing and prove my alphaness,

but I don't know if I can make it another month with this job.

Billy.

What do I do?

This is Rico.

No, it's Billy.

Billy, you want to quit?

There's a tournament?

I thought we were just playing exhibition games.

It is.

I like this guy's question, but this is not an inside parcel question.

Oh, okay.

There is no tournament yet.

And no one here is super competitive. You got to win this tournament and walk off being like, I quit as you win.
That's the way to do it. What a moment.
I'm getting chills thinking about that moment. Or if you get into the finals and it's against your boss, you make a bet with your boss.
And you're like, hey, if you beat me, I quit. If I win, you have to double my salary.
Yeah, there you go. And that's really win-win for you because you want to quit anyways hey big cat pft henry best in the office jake and william my store manager got a promotion in the company and they've been grooming me to take over as the store manager once he leaves a colleague who currently has the same position as me and has been with the company longer is pissed that i've been training for the new position and believes that she should have been asked over me.
Parentheses. She's probably not even qualified for the position she's currently in, but was hired prior to when myself and my current manager got to the company.
Some of the sales associates have told me that she's been talking shit about me behind my back. My question is when the inevitable takeover as store manager happens, how should I handle my current colleague, fire her and establish my authority or give her a chance to fall in line even though she clearly doesn't respect me and will most likely continue to talk shit about me to my sales associates thanks boys okay i think you gotta make her eat shit for a while i think you you give her all the bad shifts you gotta you have to do your laundry that's how you establish dominance.
Do your laundry. They have to be a yes person for you.

Yeah.

I actually like the idea of like, just being like, you tell me all the shit you've talked

about me.

If you don't tell me all of it, you're fired and just let her say it and be like, I know

everything that you've said already.

I just want to hear it from you.

And then she'll probably quit anyway because she'll be so embarrassed.

Hey, buff boys. I'm in round six of interviewing for one of your competitors but have not heard anything back in two weeks.
Should I just assume it's a summer thing or should I give up hope? Wait, one of our competitors? Who's our competitor? Probably another book of sports. Yeah, they probably don't care about you like we do.
Not that we'd give you a job, but we care about you. I mean, the bottom line is I don't think that we'd ever treat anybody like that and just not get back to them one way or another.
I don't know who you're interviewing with, but we would at least have the courtesy to be like, sorry, we're all filled. That's how we do it.
People first people. That's the difference.
Hey, Mr. 40, Coffee Cat, and Hurricane Hank.
I'm in the Navy, and a very job-specific debate broke out at work yesterday. In passing conversation, one of my coworkers mentioned that he thought it's disgusting that people jack off in their bunks instead of the shower.
For context, the bunks are pairs of three high beds. Wait, what? They might be on like a submarine or something.
And it's like you just gotta What? Wherever you're at. For context, the bunks...
Wait, wait, wait. Billy was about to tell us what it's like jacking off in the Navy.
I can read the whole story. Billy, as the expert...
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. For context, the bunks are pairs of three high beds, so six people face one direction.
There are four showers that about 90 people use. Immediately, two groups were formed.
Those who jerk off in their own bed where nobody else is really affected, and those assholes who use the shower. It's like West Side Story.
Was hopeful you gentlemen would to make one way in. Wait, but you didn't...
So we don't know where... Is it like a sub? Is it Navy? It's Navy.
He said Navy. Navy? Yeah.
Oh. So let's let Billy answer this one.
Yeah. As a service member.
Better shower. This is important.
People will maybe claim that you didn't serve if you answer this incorrectly. I did not serve.

What?

All right, Billy.

You tweeted about serving.

At some point, you had every intention.

You want to trade it all to become a Navy SEAL.

Right.

So let's say you're in the Navy.

You pass SEAL training, and you have to make a choice.

Are you jacking off in the bed or in the shower?

Depends if it's a private bed or not.

They just said it stacks a three.

For context, the bunks are pairs of three high beds,

And so... off in the bed or in the shower? Depends if it's a private bed or not.

They just said it stacks of three.

For context, the bunks are pairs of three high beds,

so six people face one direction.

You just abstain.

There you go.

The Mormonism is already seeking in. Just nocturnal emissions it.

You just wait on nocturnal emissions in the bed.

Good answer, Billy.

He served.

I'm team bed.

Yeah, team bed.

Team bed. I don't jerk off, so I don't know.
All served. I'm team bed.
Yeah, team bed. Team bed.

I don't jerk off, so I don't know.

All right.

Is that it?

I know there's some more.

Oh, okay.

Let's go.

Let's do one last one.

Okay, let me choose.

Pick the best one.

All right.

One of my staff members openly told me he is applying for a new job

and put me down as a reference.

He told me that I should expect a call from them. Should I hook a dude up or throw shade in the phone call so I keep him as an employee? No, hook him up.
Hook him up. Hook him up.
It doesn't hurt you. Yeah.
Well, if he's got to find someone to replace him. Yeah, but that's the kind of shit that I actually believe when it comes to karma.
Yeah, pay it forward. There's no glory in keeping somebody poor.
Yeah. Or just get him a raise.
Yeah. Go to bat.
You know what? That's probably what he's doing right now. Or she's just trying to get you to know that they're wanted by somebody else and get that salary increase.
If you want, if you feel like maybe you want to leave it up to chance, maybe answer the call, answer that he's great at everything. And then be like, but there's one thing.
And then pretend that you got disconnected. And then just let the chips fall where they may.
Yeah, do the one last thing. Yeah, one last thing.
And then it's just gone. Or you could try to sound, this would be kind of a nice way of balancing both, sound totally incompetent while you're giving a good review of them.
Be like, oh, I can't find all my files. I'm drunk right now.
I spilled all my beer over my work issue computer. And then flush a toilet in the background after you're done giving a glowing review of this person.
What's his name again? Yeah, you said all the good things about him. Right.
But then they're going to be like, I don't trust what this guy has to say. Yes, yes.
Which it sounds like is probably, if you're asking this question, probably the case. Yeah, we gave you some good stuff to go with there.
All right, Billy, any recap? Yep. So you know who is ecstatic Monday night? The Jameis 101 guy? Yeah.
Oh, dude. He's got the receipts, folks.
Yeah, he chose a hill to die on. Yeah.
No, he's dead on it. But he it but he's not dying and stronger than ever thriving i tweeted him and said are he's probably having a drink tonight he said a nice glass of chartreuse on the rocks chartreuse yeah never enough to get me drunk ephesians 518 but always enough to make me smile oh and then just a weird gif of a bishop staring in a mirror.
Yeah, he's a weird dude, but I respect

the fuck. Yeah, dude, he's like

really going off. I mean, Jameis,

he brought so much joy

to me in Monday Night Football. Yeah.

Just torching people in that first half. Yes.

Shut all the haters up.

Also, maybe we should make an AWL

shared calendar.

What? For everyone. Oh, for like

when Jake is putting these reminders in? Yeah. So they have something to look forward to.
That's not a bad idea. Just a couple shared calendar.
Put all the dates out. Okay.
That's an idea. Can you do that? Can you open it up? I'll organize it.
Oh, great. That's definitely going to happen.
Jake, put your calendar a month from now to ask really why he hasn't made the calendar yet. You're going to organize it and then put like our phone numbers and emails on it and make it public.
I'll just make a public calendar. You can publish it to the web, like the presentations.
Okay. Yeah.
And then even though I am the same rank as John Cena is in the military, I just want everyone to know I never have actually said I'm in the military and gotten on flights early or taking any discounts. This is a great loophole.
You've never said it. You've just dressed up like it.
As long as we all acknowledge that, then we can keep making it. I did notice.
I forgot that Billy did board the flight first. I did not.
Yeah, you did. We watched you do that.
The best part of his military getup is always the camouflage Crocs. Yeah.
That's really just the icing. They were real trees.
It's not the icing on the cake. It's the real tree, which is a military camo.
Yeah, in case I need to invade Syria's kiddie pools, I'm ready to go. Yes.
Yeah. All right.
99. 8.
86. 88.
18. 69.
No one knows how Eels you reproduce I gotta start picking new numbers 48 What a fucking trash number Love you guys I'm getting there when you must be. Think about my tongue.
Oh, your clit and switching back and forth. Switching back and forth from my dick to my tongue.
Dick to my tongue. Dick toimator.
Dictimator. Switching back and forth from magic to my tongue.
I'm getting there. When you must be Think about my tongue Or your clit And switching back and forth Switching back and forth From my dick to my tongue Dick to my tongue Dick to my tongue Dick to my tongue Switching.
Dictimata Dictimata Dictimata

Dictimata

Switching

Back and forth