Calvin Johnson, Mt Rushmore of Cartoon Characters To Party With and NBA Free Agency

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On today's Pardon My Take, Hall of Fame... Oh, woof, three, two, one.
On today's Pardon My Take, you're not gonna cut that, fuck you. You never fuck with me.
You never fuck with me. Hank, just before this, said said I never fuck with you uh Hall of Fame week continues talking too fast there thank you Hank uh Hall of Fame week continues Calvin Johnson on the show we also have uh Mount Rushmore of cartoon characters we want to get fucked up with we have guys on.
We have some tension in the room because Hank got Chick-fil-A and Billy wanted it. Loki, Billy wanted it.
There is a lot of tension in this room, a lot of alpha energy, but we're going to do the show and we're brought to you by our friends at Golden Auctions. Did you collect sports cards or memorabilia as a kid? They're back in a big way.
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Let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence And then there's lots of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
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GoldenAuctions.com. Today is Wednesday, August 4th, and football is back.
Let's go. This is the last show that we're going to do for the entire year before there's an NFL football game, guys.
Not only that, but there's football's back because we now have training camp fights. Training camp fights are back.
The Giants all had like, it sounded like the palace in New York today. We never got video of it, but now we're getting all these reports of fights.
People, there was a player on the Panthers who got waved because he went headhunting in practice. Wait, wait, wait.
But on the Giants fight, Daniel Jones was at the bottom of the pile. Yes.
Which some people are saying that's awesome. Daniel Jones, he's a fighter.
He's shown that he can be more than just a Brooks Brothers ride. But I actually think the other way around, I say that I don't think that the New York Giants are tough enough if their quarterback is thinking that he's even able to swing on him.
He might have just been caught under... I would imagine Daniel Jones just looking the other direction.
Almost like a cartoon, it just ate him up. So like one of the giant balls of dust that's spinning around.
Right, a tumbleweed. And they got him on the blind side, and then he fumbled.
Side note, tumbleweed are actually very dangerous. We hit a tumbleweed...
Hank and I hit a tumbleweed when we were driving through New Mexico with the bus. And it was like, it was a fucking big ass.
It's like a tree. They're pretty big.
But you just, if you have a car, you just hit it. Yeah, but they're like, they'll fuck your car up a little bit.
Yeah, you got to watch out. The armadillos.
Yeah. Those are the ones you got to watch out for.
All right. So yeah, football's back.
It was awesome to see. We have some NBA – should we talk some NBA free agency? Because the Bulls are back.
What about Campbell? Yeah, Dan Campbell. Oh, yeah, Dan Campbell, man Campbell.
He's alphaed the entire ranks of every – he's the most football guy to ever coach in the NFL, I think. He's starting to blur the line where he's no longer really a football guy.
He's just kind of a football. What do you say? Yeah.
So there was a couple quotes he had, but Kyle Menke tweeted out this morning that Dan Campbell is so fired up for the first day of pads that he just went straight into a story about fighting on the first day of pads when he was a rookie, all in his opening statement, that's not what I'm looking for, that was the point of point of the story so he definitely just started talking like his brain started reminiscing about getting in fights yeah and then he had to do the like the dad thing of like but do as i say not as i do yeah but also wink wink please do what exactly i did yes and then he had some other comments that he made some of the stuff is getting blown like a of proportion, where it's like, oh, man, I can't believe that Dan Campbell says that he wants a physical football team. Oh, yeah.
I can't believe Dan Campbell likes coffee. Yeah, no duh.
He said, I want to see these guys compete. I want to see these guys get to the point where it is an almost all-out brawl, but there isn't one.
If you don't push it almost to that point, you really won't get where you need to get, in my opinion, in this league to be competitive at the highest level. I love it.
All correct. Take it to the edge.
From Dan Campbell. Take it to the edge.
And he did have a great quote. He's so excited about the first day pads.
Now we find out who can deliver some punishment and who can take some punishment. Ooh.
We're going to find out. This is a year of how football guys will do in alpha football guys, I should say, in the NFL because Dan Campbell and Joe Judge.
Joe Judge is dealing with it as well because part of the giant scrum or fight or melee, whatever you want to call it, they did laps, 100-yard laps, and then he didn't like how everyone did it, so then he made everyone do push-ups. And I feel like that's not going to go over well with a bunch of millionaire athletes.
It went over really well in Remember the Titans. They got everybody to buy in together.
Great movie. What were you going to say, Hank? PFT watched it for the first time in his life.
Yeah, and he's referenced it a few times. When is it the first time? Well, in conversation.
Hank asked me about it earlier.

But it will be the same.

Yeah, it would definitely happen the same.

It will happen the same.

I don't know.

I think that at some point we're going to get a coach that just doesn't practice.

We're going to get a coach eventually who's like,

I'm going to get the fastest players and the guys that I think are the best on tape.

And then we're just going to study and not ever go out and practice.

And we'll see how that works.

That was the former player.

That was the Todd Haley. Remember Todd Haley got mad at Hugh Jackson? He was like, sometimes we have to let them practice.
And he's like, no, we want to save them, we want to save them, we want to save them. That was a meeting of the minds.
Hugh Jackson and Todd Haley talking football. And then Hugh Jackson being like, listen, we can do things your way, but I'm the head coach.
So, listen, I went 0-16. I think I know what I'm doing.
Listen, when I get fired from this here job, Mike Silver will write something nice about me, and you'll be the bad guy. Yep.
So we can do this the easy way or the hard way. How do you want to be remembered in the annals of history? All right, let's talk some free agency, though, NBA.
The Bulls are back. They have gotten very aggressive.
Caruso, Lonzo Ball, and now DeMar DeRozan all in the Bulls next year. I'm actually legitimately excited.
Caruso is – are you a little jealous that I get to root for Caruso? Not at all because I think that by going to the Bulls, the value of his NFT on the Lakers goes up. They won't be making any more of those.
Good point. Good point.
The Heat, the Heat culture, Kyle Lowry, and then Chris Paul got... P.J.
Tucker, right? Oh, yeah, P.J. Tucker as well.
And then Chris Paul got like $120 million as a 37-year-old. So credit to him.
I think his career earnings are right above $400 million, not $440 million, as inaccurately reported by Darren Revell. You know, yeah, Stephen Shea got on top of that.
Yeah, absolutely nailed him. They spent all night just arguing online.
That was a sight to be held. But yeah.
Stephen Shea was right. Yeah, no, he was right.
Hashtag Shea was right. Shea was absolutely right.
But I don't know. It's weird.
Like, at the end of the day, the NBA obviously still comes down to, like, do you have one of the top five players in the league? But it is fun to see. Like, I've complained a lot about the Gar Pax situation, and now the new Bulls front office has basically burnt that to the ground as fast as possible, so they deserve a lot of credit.
I also think that I'm going to have to maybe sneaky root for the Lakers a little bit next year. Uh-oh, Mello? Yeah, I'm rooting for Mello, and I'm also rooting for the takes to start flying because when you have that many guys on a team, it's no longer LeBron James' team.
Correct. I think once they get to the playoffs, it's Mello time, baby.
Yeah, Mello and Westbrook are going to be like, LeBron, sit back. We got this, bro.
Andre Drummond, recurring guest. Great recurring guest on the Sixers.
So you hate him now, Hank? Yeah. What are the Celtics doing? Nothing.
The Celtics' priority, I'm just reading this. Mark Murphy just tweeted this.
According to a league source, is to retain a salary structure that makes it possible to sign a major player when he comes available, most likely next summer. That's smart.
So this is literally, you know, verbal, verbal meme is I'm Squidward and everyone else is like signing major players and their teams are getting better and the Celtics are just staying put and maybe signing Isaiah Thomas, which I'd be happy about. But when he was their star player, they got swept in the Eastern Conference finals.
So it's not like he's going to be the guy to take us to the championship. Right.
But I love him. He's a great player.
He was awesome. You guys almost had Westbrook, Mello, Dwight Howard.
Who else did you almost have? Drummond. Kevin Durant a few years ago before he went to the Warriors.
Yeah. Just keep your head in their hands.
Lonzo, I would love to have Lonzo. Dude, I love Lonzo.
I'm fucking in the big ball. I've been a ball boy for years.
It is crazy. I saw a few people be like, well, now you got to deal with LeVar Ball.
What? LeVar Ball, he doesn't exist anymore. He disappeared.
Yeah, something weird happened there. That doesn't happen anymore.
There needs to be a serial on what happened to him. Because I think that when he got to L.A., I'm pretty sure that LeBron was like, if your dad starts talking, I'm going to trade you immediately.
Yes, and I'm going to trade you anyway. Yeah.
No, I think he did that high school basketball league, and it was like an absolute disaster. That's kind of where I was following, and then all of a sudden there was reports of him getting sued or things didn't go the way it was supposed to, and then he kind of disappeared from the limelight.
Well, and also Lonzo's like 23, 24. I think he has a family of his own.
I think LeVar's out now. He's in the sidelines.
Another thing that I saw today was that apparently the 76ers are asking for a haul of picks that are similar to what the Nets dealt for. What is it? It wasG and Paul Pierce.
Yeah. Um, that's what they want for Ben Simmons, but no one's, well, he's going to be on the Sixers.
No one's going to give him anything. Credit to Ben Simmons.
He must listen to this show because he actually has taken some pictures at the gym. So good for him.
He had a shirt off, somewhat of a thirst trap, but he was at the gym. Didn't see a video of him shooting a basketball, but it looked like he was going to shoot a basketball.
Do you remember a couple years ago when he was at a beach somewhere and he had a fish on the end of a fishing pole? It was in the bubble. And he took it off.
It was in the bubble, yeah. Yeah, he took the fish off the end of the hook and then tried to throw it in the ocean and he missed the ocean with the fish.
Yes, yes, yes. That is Benson.
Yeah, they're going going to get someone's got to make an offer at some point for him. Right.
I mean, now the Bulls have a super team, so don't want him anymore. But I did at one point talk myself into him.
Yeah. The Blazers might do it.
The Bulls have a super team of just names that you recognize. That's just as good as a starting five of like, I know all of these guys.
That's good. If you can just remember all their names throughout the season.
Yeah, and Caruso. I'm fucking so pumped for that.
Dude, Caruso. Lakers fans were really bummed out, which makes it a great signing.
Yeah, Caruso is awesome. Caruso's legitimately, I think, like, now a top five player in the East.
And Weed's legal in Illinois. Oh, is it? Yeah.
Well, that's good. So he's good.
He's good. Just don't fly away.
Don't go back to Texas. Actually, our good friend Tom Fernelli tweeted that at him, and he liked it.
Yeah. He liked it on Twitter being like, oh, sick.
I'll be good. When I told him switch to 3G, he smashed the like on it.
Yeah, that was your tweet. Hank.
That was Hank's tweet. Hank, do you have your college football preview? Almost ready? Yeah, Big Ten's coming out next week, I think.
Okay. And then the SEC, there's a lot more things to factor in there because of everything going on.
Big Cat, you want me to tell him? But I'll have a lot of comprehensive write-up. He already does.
Oh, he does? Thanks. All right.
Just wondering. I could tell him.
I could double check. No, he follows me.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm excited for your previews, Hank.

Thank you.

That's going to be sick.

Yeah.

All right.

Anything else we got before we get to Hot Seat Cool Throne and then the interviews?

And then Mount Rushmore.

And then guys on chicks.

Oh, the Olympics are still going on.

They are.

Did you watch the 400-meter hurdles, though?

That was an awesome race.

Mondo Duplantis.

Gold medal pole vaulting.

Prove me right. Yeah.
Okay. If he can do it, I can do it.
Simone Biles, our queen. Bronze.
She's back. Yep.
She didn't even get a winner. She's bronze.
Don't, Hank. Hank, don't.
I've noticed. Do not.
I didn't. She's our queen.
I thought she was the goat. She's our goat.
Not my goat. Tied for most medals in U.S.
gymnast history, which shouldn't count because bronze shouldn't count. Michael Phelps has 23 golds and 27 medals total.
You shouldn't be like, I'm better than Michael Phelps. You got 28 bronze.
Agreed. But she's our queen.
I've noticed that the track is extremely fast.'s also It's been wet It's been wet but the wet almost makes it faster I don't know what's going on But the track and field I think that they knew that they had to produce some world records Yes In order to get some buzz going Yes I might be really dumb for suggesting this But if there's no crowd at all Does that mean that there's more oxygen for the people to breathe on the track? Yeah, probably. This is like my theory about wind in empty NFL stadiums.
Yeah, so they're sucking all the oxygen out normally, but when there's no fans there, it's a richer environment for especially distance runners to be able to breathe more efficiently. What do we got for altitude in Tokyo? I think it's pretty low to the ground.

I'm not sure.

I'm pretty sure it's sea level.

You're our altitude expert.

Is it sea level?

131 feet.

That's pretty high.

According to Google.

Wait, 131?

Yeah.

Damn, that's fucking high up there, dude.

That's high.

What are you saying?

What are you shaking your head for?

That's like basically sea level.

You get up to 131.

We might be higher than that right now.

How high are we right now?

33 feet.

98 foot difference.

Oh, prove me right.

Right now as in like at the office.

I think we're on a hill.

Oh, on the floor that we're on.

Exactly.

55 feet?

33 versus 131.

Wow.

That's a big difference.

Pretty big.

Billy, I'm going to buy you

Chick-fil-A after this because I do think it's

fucked up. Hank ordered it

when you want it.

Right now, we're three stories

up or whatever and

it's higher. Billy, I'm going to get you

Chick-fil-A because it's bullshit.

Everyone knows you love Chick-fil-A. Dude, it's not a big deal.
You were mad. You came in in war mode.
Yeah, you did. You saw that I had Chick-fil-A and you're like, what? Yeah.
Everybody knows that Billy is like the second biggest Chick-fil-A fan in the office besides Big T. I want some fucking Chick-fil-A.
All right, let's do Hot Seat Cool Throne. Hot Seat Cool Throne is brought to you by our friends at Coors Light.
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Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Billy, before I order it, do you like spicy or regular? I already ordered it.
Wow. I was going to order it for you.
Hank. Billy, did you order me anything? No, when I asked you, you said no thank you.

Okay, good.

That was a test.

Did you order me anything?

I ordered Liam something.

Did you order me anything?

No.

Because you didn't ask me.

Well, you didn't want any.

Yeah, it's true.

That was also a test.

My hot seat is John Axford.

Okay.

You guys all know John, the Axeman.

Yeah.

Mr. Ford.

He is a pitcher on the Blue Jays that today was traded to the Brewers for one single dollar. What? A dollar? So that's just...
That's so insulting. So insulting.
Tough for the ego. You're a professional athlete, but you're being told that your value is a literal $1.
Wow. Damn.
Wow. John Staxford.
Damn. So yeah, that's tough.
I feel like if... Like, why not just – Like, I would probably just retire.
Yeah. Make it $100.
Don't make it $1. How do you negotiate that in the offseason? Yeah.
That's like the – did you see – I think it was Miles Plumlee, maybe one of the Plumleys, got traded, and he got traded with, like, the 40th pick for, like, the 60th pick. It was brutal.
So they're giving him up to go down. Yeah, right, right, right, right.
Yeah, that's tough. And then my cool throne is Brendan Fraser.
Oh, is he back? The actor got cast in Quentin Tarantino's new movie. Hell yeah.
Lights, Karen, Barstool, they do their fake Photoshop thing, and they're obviously big Brendan Fraser people. So when I saw it on Instagram, I was like, this is a classic prank by Jeff D and Ken Jack, and then I looked it up on Deadline, and it's true.
And Trill Ballins. Fuck yes.
Rip. We should have him on one last time.
He wasn't that bad. He wasn't bad at all.
Isn't he gone forever? Yeah, but before he leaves. Not yet.
Trill Ballins still has two weeks left. Alright, so we should get him on.
Maybe three're going to do it. Get Trill Ballin's back.
Maybe start crit week. Baby names? I miss you, Trill.
Baby names. Is that what we did with him? Yeah.
Yeah. Really? Yosemite.
Shit, Yosemite was fucking awesome. We might have to run it back.
Okay. Brent Frazier's the greatest actor maybe ever.
It's like him and Nick Cage. Yeah.
A standing gentleman. All right, PFT, your hot seat, cool throat.
My hot seat is Jimmy Garoppolo. Big J, big Jimmy.
Trey Lance got his first reps at 49ers camp today. And on the third rep, he threw like a 50-yard dime as he was rolling out to his left, jumping in the air, throwing across his body.
That's what we call the what the zach wilson throw yeah yeah so yeah he completed against a live defense and uh all the 49ers beat writers just immediately creamed themselves of course and uh then john lynch went on jimmy or went on adam schefter's podcast said that jimmy is playing his best football since he's been, which sounds to me like a general manager pumping a guy up

before they send him somewhere else,

maybe to a place like Indianapolis.

Interesting.

Oh, yeah, we should talk about that real quick.

Not only is Carson Wentz going to get surgery,

but so is Quentin Nelson now.

Yeah, it's a foot thing going on out there.

They're dealing with some severe foot injury issues in Indianapolis.

Sorry, Billy, if we took your hot seat, Cool Throne.

Yeah, I tend to agree with what you just said.

But yeah, so... They're dealing with some severe foot injury issues in Indianapolis.
Sorry, Billy, if we took your hot seat, Cool Throne.

Yeah, I tend to agree with what you just said.

But yeah, so even though Kyle Shanahan going into the season is saying he can't envision a scenario where Jimmy Garoppolo would not be starting.

No, he said, I can't envision a scenario where Trey Lance

would be the starting quarterback week one,

and this is the same guy that could very easily imagine killing his quarterback. We don't know who's going to be alive tomorrow.
All facts. All facts.
All right. And then my cool throne is Andrew Cuomo.
Ah, that was mine. Your cool throne? Damn.
Because right when the entire world thought that they had this guy dead to rights, the old nipple rings Casanova of New York put out the greatest apology video of all time where it just showed him sexually harassing other people. Yeah, he did.
Everyone's like, hey, Andrew Cuomo, stop touching everyone. He's like, look, I touch everyone.
Wait, what? We know. Yeah, that was the whole point.
We know. Not to touch everyone.
We know that. I also like that he threw in.
I've never seen this move. You know, people will always be like, oh that's like saying like you know the old oh i have a black friend he literally did i touched black people first yeah he did it first yeah just like look i'm not i'm i'm not only not a toucher a sexual assaulter i'm not racist either well if i were a sexual assaulter i wouldn't be racist yeah so you can't say it's

not double jeopardy pick one or the other you can also say that like in those pictures he was saying wait how are you going to say that i touch people against their consent i touch like some of my best friends against their consent all the time yeah it's like yeah yeah thank you mr cuomo we get it How about the idea of like, okay, so they accuse you of something.

And your first thought is, I know, I have just the ticket. Someone go find all the pictures, because there's a lot of them, of me touching people.
Like, that's so many pictures that he got. Yeah.
And it's just, it was probably very easy. I would imagine they were working till like two in the morning and cuomo's like nope all right cut uh random female number six cut little child number two like he probably that thing was probably a hundred minutes long yeah oh yeah the amount of pictures that you have to certainly probably has their own hashtag on instagram like hashtag cuomo touched me me, and it was weird.
What a fucking weirdo.

He should have just gone with the Italian explanation.

Just be like, I'm Italian.

Hansy.

We touch everybody.

I'm sorry.

My brother's Fredo.

My nana taught me how to do this.

He actually kind of did that with his...

He actually did kind of say that.

Well, that's great.

Another masterful piece of PR by the expert himself.

He started with his parents being like,

this is how my parents and I always touched each other. Literally, all I had say was this is how we do it in the old country.
Yeah, what a fucking... He just put the evidence out there.
If you look back at his history too, every single time that he does something bad, he'll legalize weed. So he's just going to...
It's going to be the purge in New York City for the next six months after what came out today. Just get everyone on, yeah, thinking about something else.
All right, so that was my cool throne as well. My hot seat is the U.S.
women's soccer team because they lost and we stink. Also, didn't know, because I just don't think about this stuff constantly, didn't know that they were hated by some people on Twitter.
Yeah. Because I tweeted about like, oh, we suck at soccer now.
And there were a lot of people who were like, serves them right. I was like, for what? And then I guess I just missed a lot of the stuff.
Yeah. So people that spend a ton of time online have very strong opinions.
Either the U.S. women's national team is like the perfect embodiment of everything that is female in America.
Right. Or they are literally Satan and working to destroy the government.
I was just joking because I joke about soccer, and no one should care about soccer that much. Here's my analysis is our women's team's golden generation is coming to an end, and our men's team's golden generation has just begun.
I always love the golden generation discussion when it relates. It's like one team at a time can have a

golden generation. Belgium had theirs.

They're still going. They're still going? A little bit.

They've really won a lot, so it's a good thing they were anointed

golden generation. France has one

now. Portugal was one that had

their golden generation in the early 2000s.

They've won every international

tournament ever. So now it's

our turn. The USA's golden generation is

just getting started. Hell yeah, we are.
Alright, Jake, your hot seat, your hot seat cool to run hot seat is uh twitter fleets they're gone good lasted less than a year dumbest thing ever i used them occasionally and i haven't for like two months never used it used it one time the first time and then never use it again yeah so dumb you know they still have like the fleets version on instagram right now and they well they've got the stories stories and then people use stories they still use those then they also have the fleets version on facebook which is like facebook stories but there is no bigger indication of pre-crime than if somebody that you follow on facebook is actively updating their facebook stories yeah yeah and then uh cool throne is animals on the field we had a cat on loose at yankee Stadium. I feel like anyone, everyone can rally together about an animal on the field.
Agreed. Everyone just loves it.
Doesn't matter what's happening in the game. If it's a blowout, if it's close.
True. It's a fun distraction from the Yankees being a COVID disaster too.
Yeah. And trading for Anthony Rizzo and not getting into the playoffs.
They're like three games out of the wild card. Was Kevin Harlan on the call? No, but he usually for Anthony's sake because I love Anthony Rizzo but I'm just gonna say it right now he doesn't deserve to be with those bumps all right we'll see I'm bitter I'm very bitter oh by the way the the breakup between the Cubs and and Jed Hoyer or the Cubs and and the three guys that got traded is getting ugly so So they're doing like a he said, he said,

we offered him a shitload of money. And they're like, no, none of you offered anything.
So it's going to be bad. And the Celtics almost had him.
Yeah. Anthony Rizzo, yeah.
Billy, your hot seat, Cool Throne. My hot seat is airplane travelers.
We had two viral videos recently. One was just your standard airplane fight over reclining seat.
The second one there was a guy who allegedly uh got really boozed up on the plane uh took his shirt off started going nuts assaulted two flight attendants and then ended up in the classic duct tape to the seat it was a pretty crazy video if you check it out screaming like uh my my parents have two million dollars yeah that's not like that's a's a lot of money. But it's also not like, I feel like if you're trying to get out of jail for free, your parents have to have like $50 million.
I think that's fuck you money on Frontier Heirs. Yeah.
But it's not fuck you money if you're on Delta or JetBlue. Again, it's a lot of money, but it's also like, that doesn't, I don't think $2 million is where you go around nosing your thumb.
And it's not even your money. It's your parents' money.
Right. So also, it's important to note that they arrested the guy after they landed.
And then they suspended the flight attendants that duct taped him, which I hope it's with pay. Because that would be the best reward of your life if you worked for Frontier Airlines as a flight attendant.
And they told you to stay home for two months while they still paid you. Yep.
That would be incredible. I hope that's what they're doing to reward because that kid deserved to get duct tape to the seat.
And your cool throne. My cool throne was U.S.
soccer wing, the CONCACAF Cup, but my second cool throne is the plague. Turns out there's a bunch of chipmunks around Lake Tahoe that all have the plague and shut down parts of the lake.
That's bad. That's not good.
So the plague. So what is the plague, Billy? It is actually a parasitical infection that goes from fleas to rodents to humans at some points.
This is the source of the Black Death. Yeah, so the rats and rodents that got blamed for the Black Death probably got the worst deal of all time.
Because they weren't the ones that were responsible. It was fleas that were on a bunch of other stuff.
Everyone thought it was rats. So we just needed to get the rats anti-flea stuff.
Dude, I saw a rat that was dead on the sidewalk. It looked like he had just gotten concussed.
And he was just dead. Fencing reflex? Yeah, it was bad.
Speaking of dead animals, should we talk about Larry? Not dead? Well, he's not dead. That was a scary moment yesterday, though.
Yeah, Frank just killed Larry for about two minutes. He just said, rest in peace, Larry the goldfish.
He's Hulk a caniac, yeah. All right, let's get to Calvin Johnson, Hall of Famer.
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your current mortgage. Cross Country Mortgage LLC NMLS 3029, all loans subject to underwriting approval, www.intheintheintheintheintheintheinthe welcome on a very special guest it is nfl hall of famer as of this upcoming weekend calvin johnson from Lions.
Calvin thank you for joining us. Your big weekend is coming up.
First of all congrats I mean that's we saw the video we've had David Baker on I'd have to imagine even though you kind of knew it was coming it had to still be like a moment like holy shit this is incredible It was true man. When he knocked on the door I had no idea it was coming um you know we knew at some point i'd get in there but uh you know to get in the first ballot you know it's a hell of an honor yeah yeah i mean you you had an amazing career some people myself included would say that you're i think you're the best wide receiver to ever play the game have you have you thought about that have you taken the time to think about what you were able to accomplish

in the years that you were playing and kind of figure out for yourself

how that stacks up against everybody else?

I appreciate it.

I can just say, like, when I came in,

I just wanted to kind of take some of the best attributes of the guys

that I watched before me play and just put it all into one package.

That's really all I wanted to do.

And just make an all-around complete receiver.

And I feel like I was able to accomplish that.

So as one of the greatest receivers of all time, I have to ask you, do you know what a catch is? You would think not, right? I mean, goodness gracious, I feel like I've had like three of those instances happen over my career, but that main one was in Chicago. Yeah, that was highway robbery right there.
Yeah.

Oh, man.

I was thinking about that.

I thought it was kind of messed up that they called it the Calvin Johnson

rule after the fact because they ended up changing the rule that would have

made that catch a touchdown.

And then if anything, if they call something the Calvin Johnson rule,

it should be kind of like the other way around.

But now they just name it after you and everybody else gets to have a

touchdown, but your very obvious reception in the end zone still didn't

count.

I know we're sunday yeah you know that you only have eight minutes david baker told us that they're playing people off this year. Do you have your speech down? Are you ready to roll with it? Yeah, I'm good to go.
You know, it came up. The first time I did it was like ten minutes, and I had to cut two minutes off of it.
It's tough to squeeze all your football life into eight minutes. You know, they wanted it at six, but they said they'll give us up to eight.
It's going to be tough. I feel like I'm going but you know I'm gonna do the best I can so your entire football life what would you say um was like the year that you realized like oh I this is this is something I'm gonna be really really good at oh you're talking about like going back to like like maybe college like you know when I'm in high school you're still learning.
You don't know when you go to college. You don't know what's out in front of you.
But when I got thrown in the fire, it literally threw me in the fire on my first day of training and camp at Georgia Tech. I don't think it was the first day, but that second game I played against Clemson, I had three tugs and a big game, 100-, 100 and something yards, nationally televised show.

I knew at that point right there, I'm like, okay, we got some potential here. Yeah, that's got to be a pretty sick feeling to be like, okay,

this is a little different.

I can do this.

Now your speech, obviously, I mean, are you going to mention the Lions?

I don't know.

There's people in the organization you're going to thank, I'd assume,

but it's a little bit of a touchy subject.

Like how are you going to navigate that portion of the speech? I was talking to Brad Gali here in Detroit a little while ago. My mom told me when I was a kid, if you ain't got nothing good to say, don't say it at all.
I'm going to stick by that, and I will represent. I've definitely got some teammates and coaches that I have so much respect for that I play with there in Detroit.
I look forward to, at the end of the day, just really trying to thank all those people in eight minutes. Okay, so speaking of your teammates, will you be thanking our good friend Tony Scheffler? Because I think you should.
Tony, man, cool cat, man. One of the coolest girls we we play with one of the most interesting cats to play with great tight end as well yes if you if you talk to him tell him i said hello okay all right but you got to thank him i need you to thank him on your speech just throw him in there there's got to be a portion of your speech where you can toss a name in there yeah there is okay all right perfect thank you that's all i ask have you uh when you were posing for the bus that they were making were you trying to do like a certain particular face were you conscious of the fact that the way that my face is right now is going to be frozen in time forever inside that hallway yeah man that's ben hammond was my guy that was sculpting me uh let show you right here i.
I got a nice little picture when he was at the house here. Oh, nice.
Of you getting sculpted. Yeah, he actually came to the house to sculpt me.
And, yeah, I was very concerned because I was like, dang, like, what's my face going to look like? I don't want to be too serious. I don't want to be just smiling.
I just wanted to be like a focused look. So we'll see how it looks when it comes out.
But last time I saw it, it actually looked pretty dang good. Is it like – I don't really know how you'd put it into words, but we'll never be in a spot where it's like, you know, something like this, like a Hall of Fame of a major sport of anything to this level.
Has it hit you yet that like you will, for lack of a better term term like live on forever like you are people will go to Canton they'll walk through I've been there you know you see the bus and there's Calvin Johnson like has that has that have you been able to like grasp that mentally you know I've been in Canton one time it's uh coach sports took us like you know 2010 or something like that um we're playing like Cleveland and I remember sitting there thinking man man this got to be a hell of a feeling just to walk through here like you know hair raising just to see just to see you know your statue sitting amongst all the greats that you that you watched before you man uh i i think that after the day after when i go back through there after it's all said and done and it's up there you know i'm i up there, I'll probably be overcome with emotion, honestly. Kind of like when David Becker knocked on my door that day.
Yeah, yeah. This is going to be a tough question.
I'm going to warn you before I ask it that you might not. I'll let you feel how you want to answer it in the moment, but it's a doozy.
If I come to your door right now and I have a check for $40 million in my hand,

I say, Calvin, I'd like you to play for the Kansas City Chiefs for one season.

$40 million guaranteed.

What am I playing?

DB coach?

Let me know what you need me to do.

I'll coach whatever.

I'll do it all.

You're going to be playing.

You'll play X receiver, okay? That's hilarious. $40 million.
Do you do it? That's easy, man. I'm out of retirement.
They paying $40 million for a year? Shoot. Nah, man.
And fun, I mean, shoot. I mean, that's a hell of an offer.
I mean, hell, play with a Super Bowl champ? Heck, yeah, that's cool. But I don't think my body would agree with me, though.
At what point, though, were you like, all right, I'm officially, officially... Because you retired a little early.
Barry Sanders was the same way, where you still had something left, I would assume. So a year or two after, if someone had called, you would have been like, okay, I could probably do this.
At what point were you like, all right, I'm officially retired. I probably can't do this.
Like just enough time has passed. No, I would have to say, I mean, it wasn't long after I finished playing.
I mean, like I said, I knew I was done a year before I was done. You know, that last year I played, I didn't really want to be out there half the time because my body was just hurting so much it just wasn't fun to be out there um so but after I got done playing like I was doing say I'm doing my camps and stuff like that during the off season not the off season but just like my foundations camps like I said I'm literally out there showing these kids how to do a drill and the next morning I feel like I played a full-out football game and that's just because I don't have any I don't have anything more elasticity in my ankles and stuff like that.
So any little impact, you know, it's just inflammation right off the stat, just put it like that. So, you know, like I say, the pain that comes with that, those things just you can't get to your regular routine.
You can't do your regular practice routine. You know, quality of life is suffering at that point because you're walking around in pain every day.

This is not fun. That's why

the change came. Yeah, so that's definitely

a great answer and

an answer that I don't think most fans realize

because I definitely am like Calvin

Johnson could go out and get 200 yards

on the first week of the NFL

season.

I mean, we think like that. There's nothing that you can say to me that would actually change my mind.
Yeah, it was nice what you said about the pain and everything, but come on. You're a superhero.
I understand why it's physically not possible, but once I see you wearing the uniform, and you got like the visor, and it's like, okay, he's going to get 250 in two touchdowns today that's calvin johnson i see myself in that uniform i might think i can do it too until i take that first cut yeah so so uh real quick let's talk about your your uh company primitive which you're wearing right now so you spoke openly after your retirement that you know you use cannabis to help with the pain a lot of people are becoming a lot more enlightened to that these days michigan obviously so what what are you doing with your company that's helping like you know athletes or people in general with uh you know cannabis use and also just trying to recover from injuries yeah i mean we form primitives i mean start with the name primitive call it primitive it's the original medicine. It's the most primitive form of medicine.
I mean, there's other plant medicines out there, but, you know, I just take it for that. You know, it's the early form of medicine that, you know, obviously over the last couple hundred years, we haven't been able to use because of, you know, restrictions or whatnot put in place.
But we're here to literally lift the stigma off of this thing to show the healing powers of the plant. You know, that's what gets taken away from it when you hear about cannabis or marijuana or just weed.
You know, we're just trying to elevate everything about the plant from the vernacular to, you know, just the professionalism in the industry. And how do we do it? Like I say, by highlighting the healing powers of the plant and being innovative in the industry.
Now, you know, obviously, yes, we want to grow great cannabis, grow good cannabis, really good cannabis. But we want to create innovative products, new things that will bring people to the table.
It's like, okay, I'm able to see the healing powers of this, and this ain't just, you know, smoking weed. Yeah, we want to have smoke weed and have fun, but at the same time, you know, we want to find a way to help people's quality of life.
Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, I like that.
I think it's about time that people come around and realize that there's, you know, there are healthier ways of dealing with pain than taking opiates or taking certain prescriptions. If you can just if you can manage it using things like cannabis, it's way safer.
I don't think that in the history of modern civilization, there's been an overdose on cannabis. You can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that like the worst that happens is you just fall asleep for a long time and you get a little bit confused.
That's about it. You know the funny thing? I actually had a friend that's a state trooper in Georgia.
He's over 30 years. All my years I've never seen anybody really getting anything, any kind of big bad trouble, acid or anything like that from cannabis.
It's always prescription pills and alcohol. Yeah.
Yeah. And what's been going on the last, you know, 25, 30 years in America with prescription pills has been very tough to watch.
And so I feel like anything that can get somebody off of that type of medication and using something that's more manageable, something that you can do, you know, realistically for a longer period of time, I think is a really great cause. So, so that's, that's cool that you're doing that.
I mean, speaking of opioids there, I mean, it was easy to access all that stuff when I got to the league. That's why they had a hard stance, probably like halfway through my career, you know, 11, 12, somewhere in there, where they really was like, okay, we got to stop the access that our guys have to all these opioids because by that time it had been a pandemic in the whole United States.
And I mean, obviously I saw that and, you know, my whole thing going to the league was trying to have a holistic way of being. Things derived of the earth, you know, from going to my body.
Canvas is derived of the earth. Yes.
I've always wondered about that with the turtle shots that you hear about and you can only get a certain amount of those per year um what does that feel like if you get a pain blocking shot like that does it feel actively do you feel better overall or is it just like a numb feeling play that game you feel great that sharp pain that you're getting every time you know you took that jab or that breakdown you know you know it numb it kind of you know you go off over that when you take the turtle off. So you're able to push through the pain and be able to play.
But, yeah, over time, taking that stuff too much, yeah, it's not good for your system. I think it's really bad for your kidneys, I think.
Yeah. Can we talk real quick about Matt Stafford? So he is everyone's favorite story this offseason.
It's the idea that Sean McVay is going to unleash Matt Stafford. He's playing for the Rams.
In your mind, is Matt Stafford Hall of Fame caliber? You are a Hall of Famer yourself. You played with him.
I've always said that his numbers will be there. Do you think that at the end of his career, he'll have a decent chance or case to make it to Cam? It all depends.
How much longer Matthew intends to play, and if he gets that ring out, he's out there. You know, if he goes out there and, you know, lights it up and has consecutive, you know, like three, four, or five consecutive winning seasons, even if he don't win the Super Bowl, I think he has a chance.
Dude has a Cam like I haven't seen. I mean, I got three broken fingers, you know, to say that.
But the accuracy that I've seen that this guy displayed, obviously he has the gun. Everybody knows that.
I think that him being somewhere where he wants to be out there in Cali, he spent a lot of time out there in his offseason. He's where he wants to be at.
So I think his play is going to reflect that hopefully. So as long as he stays healthy, I give the guy a shot.
Yeah, and he's a tough guy. Like, I remember that clip, that game when he dislocated his shoulder, I think,

and came back in.

Separated.

Yeah, separated his shoulder and came back in and had the winning touchdown.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, he's a tough, tough player.

I also noticed you called him Matthew.

Would he be upset if you heard us calling him Matt?

You know what?

I forget.

I think back in the day, I don't know, way back, you know, my wife was like, I don't know if Matthew likes being called Matt. I'm like, really? I've been calling him Matt ever since I met him.
He ain't never say nothing. I was like, all right, whatever.
His name is Matthew, so I'm calling him my name. I call him Staff, really.
It's just me, I'm going to say Staff. Yeah.
Is there like a noticeable difference between catching a ball from matt stafford and catching a ball from any of the other guys that you played with 100 100 obviously the accuracy but i mean he's gonna put it on your chest matthew's gonna hit you with it and you know obviously nobody else had the kind of velocity velocity that matthew threw with you know i told matthew i'll tell him like to relax because he to relax because if you see him in practice, he's standing, always stands with his right fist, just clenched as hard as you can. I'm like, dude, that's why you throw the damn ball so hard because you never relax your hands.
So if you ever see him in L.A., you'll probably spot him with his hands, with his fist balled up. Yeah.
Do you think playing your entire career with the Lions, do you think the refs have it out for the Lions? Man, many times I thought that. I was sitting here like, hey, the call just didn't make any sense.
Nothing happened there. I don't know how many times I've said that, but I don't know.
I don't want to say that and be wrong, but I mean, everybody felt like that in Detroit. It's hard not to feel like that.
Yeah, I mean, there's some very famous moments.

There's some primetime games.

Would you guys say that in the locker room?

Like, what the fuck is going on?

Why is it us?

One of the worst calls was a Thanksgiving game.

We played against the Texans.

And the running back was his name.

I forget, but he ran.

He literally fell on his butt, got up, and ran to the end zone. He kept running.
Everybody on our team, the play's over. He fell now.
And the referees, they said we couldn't review the play and that it stood as a touchdown even though they were wrong. And we lost the game because of it on base given.
So, yeah, they got it out for us. Sometimes it wasn't just bad calls.
You were also victims of the most obscure parts of the rulebook constantly. You know what? That was scary.
Yeah. Rules that you never hear about growing up playing football, but somehow it's like the refs go, they check under the hood, then they flip to the very back of the rulebook, put their glasses on.
They're like, here, this one right here, this is what they did wrong on this one. He's...
You haven't used this one in a while. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly. They use you as a test case scenario for a lot of them.
Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think it is...
There are definitely moments where you're like, I think the Lions might be sneaky cursed here because there's some things that happen. You're like, this makes no sense whatsoever.
Yeah, it's down... Everybody uses the word curse.
There's definitely some bad energy, I guess, there. When it comes to them...
put it like we're not going to say anything that you don't – Yeah. You don't have anything nice to say.
Yeah, we're going to all be nice. Yeah.
I was looking back over your career stats. You had 329 yards in a game.
What the hell? 329 yards. At that point, did you feel like football was easy to you? You know what, man? When Matthew and I are on the same page, man, we could feel it.
Yeah, it got easy. Because we knew what we were going to do.
We practiced it all week. And I'm telling you, we practiced, man.
We practiced like crazy. We're running miles a day.
But at the same time, it's building muscle numbers so that when it gets game time, everything's transferable. Anything you do on the practice field happens on the game field.
So, I mean, yes. After the first 250 yards, did you expect, hey, maybe they'll start double teaming me or triple? Like, they're going to stop me.
I can't possibly keep going. We knew going to that game that Brandon Carr, he's real physical.
We knew he was going to play some one-on-one, so we knew that we were going to have a chance to get off. But after that first slam that I took to the other side of the field, we knew we were going for 200 at that point, but never would have thought it would have been three.
I'm watching this play right now. It's actually titled Worst Call in NFL Thanksgiving History.
It's a really bad call. I forgot about it.
Yes. His elbow and his knee were down, and they weren't able to review it, and he just stood up and ran like 70 yards for the touchdown.
The referees just did the right thing, just like, hey, we screwed up. This is the call.
And nobody would have been like, oh, okay, yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah.
That was insane. How did you manage that, like, figuring out when you were going to eat on Thanksgiving? I'm always curious when I see the players out there.
I'm always stuffing my face. I'm usually three glasses of Pinot Grigio deep by that point.
But how do you? Do you just not eat Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving? You know, yeah, I can't do. Like, you just don't know, man.
Like, that game, that clock, like, in the fourth quarter, you know, you're like, boy, I can't wait to get home, get some of that dressing, get some of that fried turkey. Boy, you just don't know.
Some of them greens. I look forward to Thanksgiving milk.
My dad or my family's here. They'll cook it up, man.
Yeah, I always look forward to that. Yeah.
So, one of your coaches, Jim Caldwell, did he ever, like, smile or even break character? Because we – you know, I thought there was – he did a press conference once where he basically had to, like, put to bed the rumors that he was dead. And I just, like – his face, something about it, it just was always the same no matter matter what.
Did you guys ever say like, hey man,

just, because everyone who played

for him loves him, and he seems like a really

nice guy, but he really just had

no facial expressions whatsoever.

That's so funny, because

I see it differently, because we had a little

leadership council, we met with him,

and we got to see him laugh and stuff,

so that's so funny, because I guess it's just a different

perspective. I'm used to seeing him laugh, and You know, he was a man that never cursed.
You know, I'm trying to think, like, did I ever hear him curse? I don't know if I might have heard him say, like, shit one time, but he was not a man that cursed. But on the sideline on game day, I know that face you're talking about.
I can picture it right now. Yes.
He was a high-character guy, man, and all of us playing as if like, you know, he's a father figure. You know, the kind of guilt that you get from your dad, you know, when you do something wrong.
You know, it's easy for him to, you know, leave that kind of guilt on you just by looking at you like with a little shake of the head. Like, you know, and that's all you need to say.
He's like, okay, I got it together, coach. Yeah.
This is, yeah, this is the difference between playing in the NFL and just watching the NFL because that's all we think about is like,

hey, is Jim Caldwell alive?

We know he's standing there, but what's going on?

Does he have a pulse?

But obviously you know him a lot better.

That's hilarious.

That's so funny.

Yeah, I had a lot of time thinking about that, too much time thinking about that.

You had another –

Great man, great coach, too.

Yeah, another coach, Jim Schwartz, who just like an all-time fiery guy.

He always seemed like he wanted to – like the exact opposite personality. Like he always wanted to fight, if not the other team, then like some of the guys on your own team at any given time.
Did you – you ever butt heads with him? No, I didn't really butt heads with Jim too much, man, because I'm always about my business doing what I got to do, so we didn't have any problems. But it was hilarious to watch him, like, when he'd get pissed off because he is a firecracker.
He would go all in. He would dig you.
He would chew you out. He'll chew a ref out.
The other team, on game day, yeah, he's fired up. He's ready to whoop somebody's butt.
I don't know to put him in pads. He might run into somebody and fall down, but he's going to give it a good effort.
What happened after the famous Harbaugh incident? What happened in the locker room? Were you guys like, hey, coach, what happened out there, dude? Like, you good? What happened that game? I remember, yeah, after the game, it was like a little shuffle or something. Yeah, they were kind of chest bumping each other.
Yeah, a little something.

Yeah, a little extra juice.

I think Harbaugh slapped him on the back a little bit. Yeah, Schwartz didn't like that.

Schwartz slapped him back.

Shout out Bobby Lang hopping in there.

It's so petty because I know Schwartz,

and it seems like Harbaugh could get a little petty too sometimes.

So it's like they had something going on there.

It was pretty funny.

It was very interesting to me.

Yeah.

It was laughable.

The other thing that Schwartz had, which, again, this is going to sound weird to you because you played the game and we just watched the game, but whenever he got really excited, he had very perky nipples through his shirt. He really did.
What? Yeah. He was nipping out all the time.
I don't know if you guys noticed that. It it wasn't just the nipples.
He had like very triangular breasts. This is where we've gone sideways, Calvin.
I don't know if you... Like, he's strong.
This portion of the interview. Calvin, he's a strong...
He's a pretty fit guy. Now every time I look at these old...
Every time I look at these old game films, you're going to have to look at your man's chest. Yeah, you're going to be like, is Jim Caldwell alive? And what the hell is going on with Jim Schwartz's nips? He's got triangular pecs that it accentuates the nips.
Yes, yes. Strong guy.
Yeah. That was too funny.
So I'm reading up about the Thanksgiving Day missed call. And the reason that they took that or that the touchdown stayed on the board is because Jim Schwartz, he got too excited in the moment.

He threw the challenge flag.

Scoring plays are always reviewed automatically.

There was a rule in place that if a coach throws a challenge flag on a play

that's going to be reviewed anyways, they're not allowed to challenge it,

which is a rule that makes absolutely no sense at all.

And I think the Lions were the only ones that ever got victimized by it. I'm sorry.
That's a rule, man. I didn't even know that.
Okay, that was the actual secret. I remember now he did throw the flag.
But you said because he threw the flag and it was a reviewable play, they kind of canceled it out. So you can't review it.
That's so stupid. Makes no sense.
Yes, makes no sense makes no sense oh my goodness so pft obviously talked about the game that you had over 300 what was what was in your mind the game that you were like no one your perfect game the game that no one could touch you and you were just in the zone when we played in oakland um i didn't have a lot of one on one battles but i had a good one one here. We played Oakland 2011 maybe.
It's for us to keep our playoff spot. Started slow, but we ended up coming back to win the game, to stay in the playoff hunt.
I had like 200 yards in the game-winning touchdown. So that was probably my favorite because it's always fun to do it away.
It's even more fun doing it at home is to have a big game away, to shut up the crowd. That's probably my favorite thing.
Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. So you had nine catches, 214 yards, two touchdowns, and a 51-yard touchdown reception.
Yeah, that was a big one. Yeah.
Big game. Was there any cornerback that you matched up against and you were like, this guy gives me the most trouble? I'll give you two guys.
When I first came in the league, nobody liked playing Al Harris. We played him twice a year.
Roy Williams at the time, he always hated playing Al. And I didn't know nothing about Al until I heard Roy talking about him the week before we played him.
He was like, man, all he does is put his hands in your face, the referee, let him get away with it, y'all, y'all. And lo and behold, I'm thinking, okay, well, I ain't got to worry about that.
You're the number one receiver. You got his ass.
Lo and behold, halfway through the game, they're switching over to me, to myself, and I got a good taste of, like, okay, if this is how it is, this is the battle I got to do with the line of scrimmage. This is how I got to, you know, tailor myself.
This is who I got to play against on the weekly basis or, you know, twice a year. I got to – this is – he was the, you know, the one that, you know, I modeled, not modeled my game after, but as far as the aggressiveness that I came with, you know, the fight at the line of scrimmage, it was all tailored after playing against Al Harris, because I knew, you know, the fight and nastiness that I had to come with.
And then after that, I had to say Pat, Pat Peterson, because he's the best athlete I've seen over there as a cornerback, hands down. Interesting.
All right, I have one last question. Rowback question.
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It says, words of wisdom that I'll never take for granted. When you and Barry Sanders get together, do you guys just, like, sigh? Do you just, like, oh, man, like the lions? Yeah, it happens, you know, already.

Yeah, man, I mean, it comes up.

I mean, me and Barry don't get to spend a whole lot of time together,

but whenever we are together, you know, it's just,

we don't even really talk about the Lions,

but when we were at that Rocket Mortgage,

that's when we were at that event.

It came up, but at the end of the day, you know,

it's two of the best, you know, getting to kick it, man. I got me a picture of that.
Those are valuable moments. He's got a great laugh, too.
Whenever Barry starts laughing at everybody else in the room. I had to tell Barry, you got to smile for my picture, bro.
He don't be smiling all the time. He never smiles.
I remember I did a whole blog about it five years ago. I was like, what's up with Barry Sanders?

He doesn't smile in any pictures.

I think you should slip him some primitive, like a couple of edibles.

Yeah, he's smiling.

Just get him cheesing out.

Oh, man.

All right, well, Calvin, this has been awesome.

Good luck with your speech.

Remember, Tony Scheffler, just throw that in there.

Just slip it in there.

There's got to be a portion of your speech where you just start listing off names. I do.
Get Tony Scheffler in there. You know he's a good teammate.
He was great. I love Tony, man.
He was so cool. Well, thank you so much, Calvin.
Really appreciate it. No problem.
Good time. Have a good one, man.
See ya. Good luck, man.
Thank you. Thank you.

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What? I just get anxiety now before Mount Rushmore. I'm in a slump.
I'm shell shocked. Something tells me you're going to turn your season around right now.
Are we recording right now? This is the start of Hank's championship DVD.

Yeah, all right.

So we're going to do the Mount Rushmore of cartoons you want to get fucked up with.

So party with, fucked up with, whatever.

However you like to party.

That's what you're going to do with these cartoons.

Get weird.

Get weird.

Hank, you just heard, has got anxiety.