Mark Titus, NBA Playoffs, And Remembering Harambe 5 Years After His Death

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have our very good friend Mark Titus.

An awesome interview, one of those ones where we didn't write any questions down,

we just shot the shit with our good friend for almost close to an hour.

We're going to talk some NBA, we're going to talk some Amazon. We're going to talk some Fyre Fest.
We have a great show for you, sending you off on the holiday weekend. Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend.
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All right, back to part of my take. Today is Fri-yay, May 28th, and it is the five-year anniversary of when we lost our sweet prince i can't even get the sentence out without laughing because it's so fucking ridiculous that we're still thinking about harambe r.i.p harambe the one of the one of the seminal moments of pardon my take i would say getting sued by espn right off the bat adam morrison's bunker adam morrison's bunker and then the summer of Harambe.
Without that fucking gorilla getting shot, I don't know if I'd be sitting next to you right now, Big Cat. Unbelievable.
It really is. On this day in sports history.
Yeah. The ultimate blooper.
A fan got too close to the playing field in Cincinnati. We need to do like a, we need to do like every big time anniversary.
We got to all come together and have a beer for our sweet prince. It's so stupid.
It's so stupid. And I think we actually are getting close to having it be funny again.
The resurgence. Because it was very funny for that summer.
Then it was like very lame. But now enough time has passed where if you just drop a Harambe, it's like, oh, that's actually kind of funny.
Yeah yeah the ironic resurgence of harambe is due yeah and we really never let it go no no our sweet prince so that was that that's the lead all right so we stayed up we put his face on on tie-dye t-shirts hank sold hank sold millions of dollars worth of t-shirts so many t-shirts and and they all i hope everyone who still has one can look back and be like wow that was stupid and if i had to explain to anyone like there are some things you can explain to people culturally this is one of those ones that if you met someone in 15 years from now and they're like hey what the fuck is that gorilla on your tie-dye shirt you're like don't worry about it oh and it was twitter gold too like all you had to do was mention harambe in a tweet instant clout right there like looking back on it it's it's like six levels of irony that you have to get through i saw somebody tweet about it a very touching memorial saying i remember um a month after harambe was killed i went to a blink 182 show and the crowd spontaneously would erupt into harambe chants between every song it's like yeah, yeah, that's about as 2016 as you can get. Yeah.
And again, it's going to be like there will be people who are like, oh, they made a Harambe joke. They're so fucking lame.
Nah. It was one of those fun things that we just all enjoyed.
And it's okay to look back and be like, that was funny. Big Cat, take your dick out for Harambe.
Oh, yeah. Dicks out for Harambe.
Exactly. All right, so we stayed up.
I just did it. We stayed up.
We stayed up again. This time it did not pay off.
So on Tuesday we stayed up. We watched a great Suns-Lakers game.
Tonight we stayed up, and I am going to say right now I officially feel bad for Phoenix Suns fans because we know a couple of them. They were sitting with us watching the game.
They do exist. They were, like, of course, the first time in a decade that we've had a fun team, and then we have to play the Los Angeles Lakers.
And the Los Angeles Lakers have, of course, as always, LeBron turns it on in the playoffs and knows that the regular season does not matter. And we are here, and barring a ridiculous comeback, which we did not stay up for.
Nope. Well, let's say this.
It's 12.05 a.m. right now.
Yes. So we did stay through the night.
We stayed up, but if the Suns come back, this is one of those moments where it would actually be funny the start of the show. I was thinking about this watching this game because both teams have basketballs in their logos like the sons are like what should we make our logo oh let's just put a basketball yes with heat waves around it the lakers also have a basketball as their logo the heat also played tonight i think actually i can't say that the they were on television they they participated in a game yes Yes, they were there.

I think that basketball, out of all the sports, features the main piece of playing equipment more than any other sport.

There are a lot of teams.

I think the Bucs might have a basketball in one of their logos. Helmets in football.

Definitely a lot of helmets.

You mean on the helmets?

Yeah.

There are other helmets?

Aren't there?

I don't think so.

I know that the Browns logo is just a Cleveland Browns helmet maybe yeah all right this is too late in the night for me to go through all the helmets trying to think racking my brain other helmet teams uh do the raiders have one or is it just the shield yeah i guess i guess i'm just thinking of them actually wearing helmets yeah they do while they're on they're on the field. Yeah.
So, yeah, the Lakers, actually, now it's an eight-point game, so now we're going to look even dumber. But I'm going to say it.
The Lakers are up 2-1. They're going to win this series.
The Suns, I feel bad for them. I don't know how the Lakers don't come out of the West.
Hopefully this is a cold takes exposed moment. What is a cold takes exposed moment, though, was, boy, was I wrong was i wrong about the bucks heat series i want to apologize officially is me being a bigger man not a fat joke i was very wrong the bucks are so much better than the heat the heat do not know how to shoot a basketball like they just don't they miss so many shots around the rim and and the Bucs are just way, way better.
So my apologies to Milwaukee Bucs and Bucs fans. I was wrong.
I fucked up. I fucked up.
I've long said that Jimmy Butler is not a top 15 player in the NBA. That is true.
He doesn't look at all like he did last year. I don't know what the difference is.
He loved the bubble. The shot is flat.
I think the Heat, for some reason, they just – they enjoyed being uncomfortable in that bubble what was it jimmy butler being like no disrespect to families i think there's too many families around the the players on the heat are seeing their families too much right at this point jimmy butler i wouldn't put it past him to be like fuck this we're making our own bubble you're not allowed to see anybody that's not on the team i'm gonna sell 20 cups of coffee to everybody still like let's just stick with what worked last time yeah they need the bubble back you gotta change something up if you're the heat because they i'm gonna use the f word they looked feckless feckless ooh feckless the feckless heat yeah that should be a sweep they should just sweep them and put them out of their misery dead dead man walking on that one all right let's talk some more nba uh some other games that happened the mecca is officially back the mecca is officially back oh it was rocking i'd say i'll one up you big cat new york city is back oh okay i so the only complaint i had uh it was a great game it just look i know that we we joke about like people calling it the Mecca, but I absolutely will agree with the fact that when Madison Square

goes... Look, I know that we joke about people calling it the Mecca, but I absolutely will agree with the fact that when Madison Square Garden is rocking, it is up there at the top of the list of arena settings, experiences.
You could just feel it. I watched the whole game.
Shout out MSG letting the crowd noise. I heard TNT didn't have crowd noise.
Well, it's very difficult to censor 30,000 people screaming, fuck you, Trey Young, all at the same time. But I'm also rooting for the Garden this playoff.
I don't think I have really a team in the East, besides obviously the Nets, but I am rooting for the Garden. And the Wizards.
I've been very clear about the Wizards. I'll pretend to be on the Wizards' bandwagon, but I am rooting for the garden.
And the Wizards? I've been very clear about the Wizards that like, yeah, I'll pretend to be on the Wizards bandwagon, but I have literally put them out of my brain and my life has been better off for it since about 2006. So I'm not able, that's a take that I'm not even able to backtrack on.
I won't allow myself to do that. But I'm rooting for the garden.
I don't really care about the Knicks that much, but I love seeing the Garden rocking like that. In the words of America's new Poet Laureate, LeBron James, it was some loud-ass hell.
It was loud-ass hell. I like saying, like, it was some loud-ass hell.
I actually think that loud-ass hell is a great saying that we should totally embrace and run with. Loud-ass hell.
And he had to update it because he was like, actually, I meant to not bleep out ass because i didn't mean to use the word ass but then he bleeped out a letter that came before the word as so yes right no i think yeah yeah right exactly screwed up the censoring of his censorship a dot dot h e and then double hockey sticks i mean it's a family site it's probably been i'd say maybe 20 years since i've seen the h e double hockey sticks used in mean, it's a family site. It's probably been, I'd say, maybe 20 years since I've seen the H-E double hockey sticks used in the wild like that.
It was impressive. That's a real fourth grade teacher move.
Yes. To be like, what the H-E double hockey sticks is going on around here? Yeah, LeBron saw three bottles of wine and he went for the one in the middle and chugged out of that and then got online.
Look, I'm just going to remind people, LeBron showed us his dick. That happened.
Yeah. Okay? So, H-E double hockey sticks I can deal with.
We saw your dick. All right.
So, the Garden's back. I really, really – we talked about this on Wednesday, but it needs to be re-stressed.
What Nike has done with jerseys is an abomination. Whatever the Knicks were wearing was so fucking bad.
It was like – it looked like if they made a movie set in the future and New York City set in 2090, this is what the Knicks are wearing. It made no sense.
Why wouldn't you wear your classic home whites when the Mecca's trying to be back? Or the blue. Either way, the blue or the white would have made that game so much better.
So much better. And I guess I was going to use this as a fire fest, but I think I should discuss it right now because we were talking about the jerseys and the colorblind issue in America on what was that Wednesday's show.
I feel bad because there's somebody on this show that reached out to me that told me that he was colorblind and had never brought it up, and he didn't feel safe on Wednesday in that space letting us know. Bubba, you're colorblind? Bubba is colorblind, which explains like he can't tell red and green lights when he's crossing the road together.
Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Too soon, bro.
Too soon. It makes perfect sense.
But Bubba, why didn't you feel safe telling us that? I don't know. I do hate when one of the teams doesn't wear white.

It's just really annoying on the screen.

Yes.

Like, it drives me nuts.

I agree.

I think it's terrible.

In any sport, like, one team should wear white.

Right, and it's the inverse of, you know, whenever, like, UCLA and USC play football,

and you're like, this is an all-time uniform matchup.

It feels great.

And they don't have to have white because those are two distinct colors.

But this is the reverse. Just terrible uniform matchup.
It feels great. They don't have to have white because those are two distinct colors.
This is the reverse. Just terrible uniform matchups.
You don't even know about the great uniform matchup of USC and UCLA. How colorblind are you? How are you a sneakerhead if you don't even know what color shoes you're wearing? I wear a black t-shirt every day.
How colorblind are you? That's just like a behind-the-scenes guy move, though like if we did it all right here's here's the last i don't know what color is this i don't know bubba here's here's how i'll phrase this i think i i think i heard this once i think so too if bubba if we did a uh a video where we put on those glasses oh yeah let's go viral see yeah how viral would we go i don't know would you cry you cry? Oh, I'll fake cry. Yeah, would you cry? Have you seen color before? Well, yeah, but I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know how to explain it.
You're statistically the least racist person on this podcast. I was going to say, we should have been using this as a trump card all the time when everyone's like, oh, you guys are racist.
He's like, no, dude, our producer does not see color. Yeah.
Fact. Wow.
Wait, Bubba, here's what we do. How do you know when the mountains are blue? Oh, no.
Hey, come on. I was going to say, that's what we save for the video.
Oh, no. We put the glasses on them, and then we show them a Coors Light can for the first time, an ice cold one, and then he started weeping.
Yeah, you would cry on that. The mountains being that blue, you'd cry.
I felt bad. I'll put it in a verbal meme.'ll put in a verbal i don't feel bad no i'll put in a verbal meme actually explains a lot yeah it explains so much it makes so much sense i don't feel bad whatsoever it's it's bubba as squidward peering out the window and it's me and big cat a rainbow down below having a great time doing the rubik's cube episode yeah or just no having a great time complaining about jerseys.
Yeah. Like, look at how much fun they have saying how bad the jerseys are.
So when you saw the Rubik's Cube, does that make any sense at all to you? No. Yeah.
What? Kind of. How? I don't know.
I don't know how to explain it. What color is this logo on my shirt? Oh, so how colorblind are you? I don't know.
Bubba, what color is this? This is why I didn't want to do it, because I knew that this would turn into a thing where Big Cat just picks up random shit, and it's like, what color is this? It's the most Big Cat thing ever. Yeah, I'm going to go to a steel mill and get some glowing hot rods of steel and throw them to you.
Like, what? Oh, you didn't realize they were hot, dude? How did you not see that? I was thinking about this last night as well because I know it's been an ongoing conversation. I didn't do research to find out if this is how they did do it, but the home team should just wear white.
Yes. That's it.
Yes. And then the away team wears color.
They can maybe switch it between a couple different colors. But the home team should always wear white.
It was terrible. But anyway.
The away team wears white. That drives me crazy.
Yeah. The Knicks played really well.
It was great to see Derrick Rose. Like, he saved them.
He absolutely saved them. Throwback.
He doesn't like the word vintage. He doesn't like people saying that he's vintage Rose because he's still playing.
And it was nice to see Julius Randle figure out, like, what happens when you get double double teamed because there was a game and a half where he could not understand what that meant i mean i think the new riley curry of this playoffs is going to be julius randall's son he was his son is his son is hilarious mugging his son just staring people down ice grilling him so good and obi topping obi topping ain't no stopping obi topping and the knicks fan who uh spit on Trae Young. Bad.
See ya. You don't deserve to be in the Mecca.
And then that's a perfect segue to the big story of Russell Westbrook getting popcorn dumped on him. I was about to say a torch update.
I think that New York fans are the new Philly fans. Well, then Philly fans did that.
But it's popcorn. Yeah, but Russell Westbrook was hurt.
Not that bad. That's the part that, because then you add in the injury factor.

Yeah, as he was going off the court with an ankle injury.

I mean, it is a ridiculous thing to do that.

So I've longstanding had an idea that players should be able to fight one fan a year.

I'm going to adjust this, though, because I was thinking about it.

Everyone correctly said the problem is Russell Westbrook would have used his fight on game one. And that's true.
He would have used it game one of the season, not this series. So I think what it should be is every player gets to call out a fan to fight.
And, like, you know how they have, I mean, for the Bulls, they have the Dunkin' Donuts race or they'll have, like, the moving ball. Basically, you have something on the Jumbotron that's like a roulette wheel,

and it either says fight or no fight.

And if the player calls out a fan, so it's unlimited amount of fights for the season.

If the player calls out a fan and it's a no fight, the player owes the fan that game check.

And if it's a fight, then the fan has to come down and fight the player in the middle of the court.

I would love to see which players would use their fight a fan thing on somebody that's just sitting there minding their own business. I feel like fighting tonight, well then we have to figure out where the line's drawn.
I think it's just anything like yelling or... At that point it becomes like too much of legislation.
You just say a player can fight. And it's part of the risk of attending a game.
It's like going to a baseball game. You might get hit with a foul ball.
you just say a player can fight and it's part of the it's part of the risk of attending a game it's like going to a baseball game you might get hit with a foul ball you go to a 76ers game you might have ben simmons punching you in your tooth well and also you you would then this would also make it uh so that fans are a little even feistier because they now have a chance to get the game check yeah if there's no fight and then they also have a chance to get their ass kicked for everyone to watch, which would be incredible.

Oh, and then we could set up some sort of stunt

where Floyd Mayweather goes to a game

wearing old people makeup, like Kyrie Irving,

and then he talks shit, flips the guy off,

takes the mask off, and now we've got a real fight on the hands.

What if it's like the kid in the bathroom fighting?

What do you mean?

What if it's like an MMA train?

Oh, the Oklahoma guy.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Then great.

That's good for the sport.

Yeah, that's up to the player.

They have to decide.

They can't call out someone that they think could kick their ass. It would just add an element.
Like, if Russell Westbrook could basically say to that person who dropped popcorn on him, or Trey Young could say to the guy who spit on him, you now have to fight me. And it's legally, everything is on the table.
Like, we have to fight. No weapons.
But if I if i kick your ass if i knock you out there's nothing you can do about it okay what about so westbrook

never would have made it to that late in the season though that's what i'm saying so now it's

a roulette wheel so it's it's a it's a 50 50 proposition a flip of a coin whether the fight

is on or not and if the fight's not on then the fan automatically gets the game check i also think

that you should be allowed to call out like groups of fans too. So instead of saying it's one fan, it's like one fight.
And you can include, if you want to go like 5v1 in that one fight, you can do that too. Yes.
But just imagine if you're sitting at a basketball game and Russell Westbrook, there's a timeout, calls a timeout, and then you hear over the PA announcers like, and we have a callout, we have a callout. Russell Westbrook has called out fan in section 101, seat A4, and then the fan comes out.
They stand there. They spin the wheel.
Fight or no fight. I mean, that's the greatest entertainment of all time.
And how sick would it be if you used your fight in the playoffs? If you're on the Suns, let's say Devin Booker, and he sees Drake in the front row, he's like, I want Drake. Yeah, I want to fight his ass.
Then Drake has to do it. Yes, absolutely.
It'd be great. If Drake wins, he gets in the hotel room.
So implement that. Yeah, Philly fans had a nice night.
I mean, I guess it was really truly so perfect that Philadelphia and New York, no fans for a year and a half, first chance they get to have fans back, it's like, well, we got to make up for lost time here. Faxed, waxed, ready to relax.
Yeah, it's like we have to get this going. And then afterwards, like out in the street, it looked like, I mean, at that point I was like New York.

Outside the Mecca?

Outside the Mecca when people were taking their shirts off. It was almost a riot, almost like fires getting started.
Yep. Sports are better with fans.
Sports are better with fans. And then down in D.C.
you had that naked, the full nude Nationals fan crawl inside the tarp and hide from people there. That was awesome.
That was, yes, points for creativity because I've never seen that before. Now, I'm guilty of this because I did tweet this on, I think, Sunday when the PGA Championship and the Mecca were both rocking.
And I was like, this is awesome. Sports are better with fans.
How long till it's just the lame guys at the party being like, sports are better with fans? It's like August. And people are still tweeting that being like, sports are better with fans.
Yeah, we know. I think you've got to give us at least a year.
You get a couple. Well, yeah.
It'll be this playoff run for NBA and NHL and then the beginning of football season. Okay.
Fair. Yes, college football's a big one.
So I think sometime around Thanksgiving, if you're still doing that, if you're still pointing out the extremely obvious sports are better with fans, you're late to it. Yeah, but I'm still amazed when I look at a TV screen.
And there are fans going nuts. Like, aters game yeah no this is amazing we're in a nice honeymoon phase where it is incredible to turn on a game i and just be like oh my god this is awesome unless it's in canada which is in canada makes it look so much worse for them so much worse what about this when are we going to get our first uh counter take somebody being like sports were better without fans because fans are pouring popcorn and spitting on players i feel feel like that's probably coming in the next two days.
Yeah. If we get one incident, probably tonight, if we get an incident featuring LeBron, there will be that take that comes out tomorrow.
Why the bubble was actually good for the NBA. Yes.
Why COVID actually was good for sports. Yes.
All right. Next thing we've got to talk about.
We've got to talk about the match that got announced. It is Bryson DeChambeau and Aaron Rodgers versus Tom Brady and Phil Mickelson.
Probably the two guys I hate the most have teamed up. And where we come in, Brooks has – so there's a couple things that happened.
There was some Twitter back and forth. PFT, because I love you.
I'm not going to mention the fact that Bryson basically made the same exact joke that you made a week ago. No, he didn't, actually.
So I'm not going to say that. But he didn't, is the thing.
Right. Which joke? The deflation.
He made a deflated balls joke. But his joke was, I was talking about Bitcoin deflated.
Right, right. Which was actually something that correlated.
Right. Bryson's joke was, your spirit will be deflated after.
Oh, wait. We got to, we got to, hold on.
You got to save the nick of time there. We got to knock on the door.
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Okay. So it was a deflation joke.
Yeah. It it was so much worse.
It was very bad.

It was the ball.

But you even admitted it when someone said, like, hey, PFT, this sucks that this was the same joke.

Only two people can judge me, God and Tom Brady, on my jokes.

And Tom Brady already weighed in on that, so I feel like it's time to move on.

Right.

But, yes, correct.

It was a similar joke.

And I just think that maybe Bryson copied me, I think. And that's tough.
Yeah, that is tough. That's tough.
You know what? He's rent-free. You're rent-free in his head.
Yes, correct. Yeah, then we got into a whole rent-free-off debate, which we predicted.
I know, it's so good. That's Bryson's go-to.
Those are the death throes of a dead man when they start to make rent-free jokes. Triggered or rent-free is pretty much like I have nothing else to say.
Yeah. So, yeah, he went to his group of scientists and was like, what's the great response? He's like, how about we go with rent-free? Brooks played it perfectly.
That's not a biased take. That's just a factual take saying sorry to Aaron Rodgers that he has to be paired with Bryson DeChambeau, which actually, as much as I hate Aaron Rodgers, I wouldn't wish being paired with Bryson DeChambeau my worst enemy.

And Aaron Rodgers is my worst enemy.

Yeah, no, it's a tough pairing.

It's very, very hard to root for.

I predict that Aaron Rodgers will be sick of him as a teammate by hole two.

Actually, let's get ahead of this.

Can we please get Aaron Rodgers some help?

Why is every sport that Aaron Rodgers plays,

it seems like no one wants to give him a good teammate to play with.

I think he should bow out of this tournament too and go Hawaii for you. He's having a good time in Hawaii.
I love that for him. I love it for him and Miles Teller.
Yeah, playing guitar, long hair, man bun, feeling good. Yeah, he's living his truth.
Yeah, that whole team is copying me. Yes, that's true.
They are. They're swagger jacking you.
But either way, this is going to be great for golf and something that we can truly hate. And Brooks, if you are still thinking that Brooks is Bryson has Brooks bothered and not the opposite way around, then you just showed up two days ago.
Because it's clear, Brooks tweeted out the video like bryson gets mad on the range at the golf course if you mention brooks if you mention like anything he gets very upset and also bryson he has a mickey mouse us open can we can we admit that oh here's something i'll just throw it's a mickey mouse major championship there are no fans here's something i out there. The only time that Bryson DeChambeau won a major, Brooks Koepka wasn't there.
Yeah. So do the math, okay? Yeah.
He wasn't there. I got a Rick Riley joke.
Is it okay? Should we wait for Tom Brady to judge it? No, I was going to say it, and then Bryson will use it too. Bryson will use it.
Okay, here's a good one, Bryson. Hey, you guys hear that Aaron Rodgers and Bryson DeChambeau were on a golf team together? Yeah.
It's impossible to find a team that hates ants more than those two. Oh, nice.
Get it? Like his family and the little ants. Yeah.
Get it? I actually didn't get it until the family part. That's great.
Do you say aunt? Are you an aunt guy? Yeah, I am. There it is.
Tom, please weigh in. It's okay, PFC.
I know that it doesn't bother you that Bryson took your joke. It doesn't.
Hey, Bryson, if you're going to – here's what really bothers me about Bryson. If you're going to wear metal spikes on a golf course like a freak, at least have the common decency to be winning the tournament so that other people don't have to play after you.
Yeah, that's true.

He made, like, everybody on the golf course play after him.

Well, someone pointed out that Tiger always wore metal cleats.

So that's Tiger.

And also, he's on crutches now from wearing metal cleats his whole career.

Right.

Made his ankle streak.

Yeah, right.

It'd be a real shame if that were to happen to Bryson.

I'm not rooting for injuries.

We do know that Bryson gets a little careless with his driver. All right, let's go.
We should just at least mention that Javi Baez broke base running in the Pirates' brains today because that was a hilarious clip. To run back towards home, I don't think you can ever do that again because now they'll actually be like, hey, if this happens, here's what you do.
But Javi Baez hitting a ball to the shortstop, the ball taking the first baseman off the bag, and then just going back towards home and being like, what are you going to do? And then the Pirates just forgetting how to play defense. No one had ever done that before.
It's incredible. And I think that it's a play that you're definitely more likely to see at like t-ball levels and little league i'm talking like eight nine year old coach pitch levels yes and then you get so good at baseball that that type of weird shit doesn't happen to you for the rest of your career right but javi never forgets the stuff that he learned when he was a kid and so he starts running back to home plate they threw the ball home the catcher tried to tag out the runner from third base, which is stupid as shit.

That guy can score, and you get the force out at first base,

and it doesn't matter what happened.

And then the first baseman has the audacity to start yelling at the pitcher,

telling him to cover first base.

Bitch, you're the first baseman.

You cover first base.

You walk two miles per hour back down the line, step on the base.

It was probably the worst but most hilarious baseball player I've ever seen.

Yeah.

And that's the Pirates.

That's the power that's the pirates and that's also it was actually the perfect storm because it's not only the pirates but also javi baez basically he's he's a great you know improvisational base runner let's put it that way he's like jazz he kind of makes up his own rules as he goes and then you get moments like this where he's doing crazy shit did you see when he took second base after the uh after the error by the second baseman covering first base yes have a sprints to second they throw the ball to second base which was also an error yep on that play and then for a second bias jumps up and he's like oh fuck do i have to run to third now almost did yeah and he thought about it but he didn't but that yeah. That's the highlight of the season so far.
Yeah. Alright, so last up before we get to Mark Titus.
Awesome interview with Mark Titus. Then we got FireFest on the other end.
We got a PR 101 for Amazon real quick. So tell me again what Amazon is doing.
So Amazon, yeah, Amazon in their ongoing effort to continue to hypnotize their remaining workers, their remaining human workers, and ask them to stay in the warehouse, they've set up phone booths in the middle of all their warehouses where workers can go in and take an emotional break. Where they just go and they essentially sit in a phone booth sized box for 15 minutes and then they walk out and go back to work.
Penalty box. It's a penalty box.
So if you're working an eight hour shift without peeing, you can go into this phone booth and cry for 10 minutes and come out. Thank you, Jeff.
I like that Amazon just, like, when you create an insanely large computer company, but it's not a computer company. Everything's on the Internet, obviously, and they're just selling all these things, and then they try to humanize it.
It's like, whoops, we can't go backwards here. Yeah.
We can't actually put, like, a human culture into this thing into this thing we've gone too far right all their humans are really just code in their giant system where they just that's the way that they know how to quantify things but it's if you look at it from like a up top 30 000 foot perspective what they've done is they've just created a box that their workers can go into sit and stare at a screen step out and feel better about continuing they're just hypnotizing their workers into not hating their job like this is little hypnosis yes you go in the box it's the boo box from hook which what's the boo box remember the boo box and hook when when you go in like the trunk and they put like scorpions and stuff in me yeah the boo box okay you go in the boo box and then when you come out, you're like, life is good out here. Outside of the boo box.
All you have to do is put one snake in one of those boxes. Yeah.
A real venomous one. I'd fucking snap its windpipe.
A pit pipe. That's all a snake is.
It's one long windpipe. Exactly.
You step in there, there's a poisonous snake. A report comes out, hey, there was a venomous snake in one of these things.
Then none of their workers ever want to take a break again. Yes.
That's really the long play if you're Jeff Bezos. By the way, quick update on the animal talk that we had last week.
I saw a video of an elephant walking and he had like a, I don't know, probably about 10 foot long dick. You don't think I could fucking stomp on that dick? here's what you do i'd i'd punch i'd dick punch him and then i'd win here's what you do you take his dick and then you wrap it around all of his legs yes like how they took down those big walking things in star wars trip him with his own dick tie it into a knot it was that big and then you walk up to his trunk and you just squeeze his trunk and hold his breath yeah so and then he and then he explodes.
Yeah. All right.
Let's get to our interview. We got Mark Titus.
Awesome interview. We're just kind of shoot the shit with him.
Good vibes going into the long weekend. Reminder, we have a no show on Monday, show on Tuesday, show on Friday.
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Okay.

Here he is.

Mark Titus.

Okay. We now welcome on a very special guest.
He's one of our best friends. He is here.
What was the coffee? The coffee. Oh, the coffee.
Sorry. Which we were up until like, I didn't go to sleep until like 4 o'clock in the morning last night, Mark.
Yeah, Mark, you know what? Let's start there. Well, actually, I wanted to introduce you, so it is Mark Titus.
He works for Fox Sports, Titus and Tate Podcast, People's Sports Podcast with our friend Charlotte Wilder, Titus and Tate with our friend Tate Frazier. The People's Sports Podcast, are you a communist? That's a great question.
I am whatever is in vogue. Is communism, would you say communism's having a moment right now? It's elevated itself to the pantheon of political...
Re-APEX? Yes, re-APEX. I think it is in the pantheon right now, actually.
Okay. Political movements.
Let me put it to you this way. Do you recognize Taiwan as a country? Oh, hard-hitted question.
Great question. I would say I'm going to follow the lead of great Ohioan LeBron James, and I am going to educate myself on the matter.
I am not going to speak before I have all the facts. I think a lot of people out here are just talking like they know things.
A lot of people that are like MIT educated and stuff like that, but they don't have all the facts like I do. So I'm going to collect the the facts first before yeah get some facts and come back to me yeah but i will i will put out a statement though so be be on the lookout for that it is coming i just want to make sure i get all the put it up on we but it is it is funny like we were talking yesterday about living rent-free in people's heads and uh technically like the entire nation of of taiwan lives rent-free in China because they think that mainland China is still Taiwan.
It's a wild scene, yeah. You're right, though.
Wait until all the facts come out. What's going on with your background? Are these National Geographics? Yeah, first of all, I've come on the show like four times with this background, I think.
We usually don't put on the video for you on the video for you oh for real no i'm just kidding i'm just now noticing no yeah actually you don't want to know you want to know the dumbest thing ever what so the pandemic has been going on for whatever a year and a half that we've gone to basically all zoom interviews for i don't know uh 16 of the 18 months we basically just did the interviews with a laptop sitting on a bunch of Coors Light cases. And we could barely see the person's background or even their face.
And that person could barely hear us. And then one day we're like, wait, can we put it up on the TV? So now we have it on the TV.
So it takes us some time to figure things out i think i did i think that's probably what happened i think i did the show a few times where that was the case yeah you couldn't hear us right like now you can actually hear us no these are all the national parks i've been to oh it was it was it was like a thing i i'm actually gonna redo this room i don't know i i was like trying to i was going to a lot of them and i would i was trying to think about like a collectible to get and then i just started getting these like little things then i started hanging them up and i don't know it looks kind of cool but it's it's time for a change i like you're one of those i do like the guys that have like the rvs with the 50 states on them and then they color in the 50 states how many states do you think is an acceptable amount to start with because you can't get an rv and just have like north and south dakota colored in right you also have to have like a i feel like you have to have a wide range of from a geographical perspective like if you just have like the northeast colored in that looks stupid or you just have like california oregon and washington and the red you know like you have to have been like if you're from new york you have to like gone to like montana and arizona and then you can like color to color you know what i mean i think 35 states seems right are you to start with well yeah oh i don't know that's that's a lot of states no but i feel like if you do like that that is a lot of states but it also isn't like you can you can kind of go through your head and be like wait wait, I've been to, like, a lot more states. Maybe this is also the nature of our job.
And also the Northeast, all the states are really close together. They're small.
But, like, and then you're like, oh, okay, so I've been to, oh, Cleveland. Oh, I've been to Florida.
Oh, I went through, you know, Atlanta once. I don't know.
It just adds up fast. But, again, this could be the nature of the job.
Yeah. Anyway, this is my solution i i didn't want to be the stickers on

the back of the car like the stickers on the yeti yeah i didn't want to be that guy are you are you

a big zion guy zion national park yeah well yeah yeah absolutely okay i was just wondering

like i love it i think it's right uh let me figure out my yeah it's right there yeah what about the

player um yeah i mean i i famously said on this program that I was the original Zion. So I think those of us who played basketball during our careers and we were a little bit overweight, if you will, I think we have to stick together.
We have to bond together. So, of course, I'm a Zion guy.
Shout out you, by the way. You had a uh on your instagram story the other day where you were like anytime i feel bad about myself i just look at 2014 mark titus and it actually is like uh like the face app snapchat like look at what everyone would look like if they were 100 pounds heavier that might be the greatest picture to have in your back pocket because you're hot now like very hot which i'll just i'll gas you up we do that now but that like you should have that on your refrigerator it's incredible i i'm so proud of it i had a bunch of people reach out to me because uh i was going through i was getting rid of an old computer and i was digging up old pictures uh and trying to figure out which ones to save and which ones to get rid of and i just stumbled across the treasure trove of pics of when pics of when I was fat.
And I didn't realize I was fat. Um, like in the moment, that's how it works.
It's like, you're just like, yeah, I put on a little bit, but I'm not that bad. Uh, so anytime I come across those pictures, it's hysterical.
I love it. And I had people reach out to me and say like, uh, not that I was brave, but it was like, man, that's crazy that you're, you're willing to just do that.
I'm like, what do you mean willing to do that? That's like the greatest thing ever. I mean, it's like the greatest, like to be like, this is what I used to look like and now I don't look like this anymore.
I played it so beautifully because I was fat in my 20s. I'm in better shape now than I was when I played basketball, which was really smart too because I was kind of doughy when I played basketball as well.
So that is the standard I think people hold you to is like what you look like in your 20s and and all that and um i played it beautifully i lowered the bar very very low when i was like 25 and then now all i have to do is just like not eat like garbage and and people think i look great when really i just i don't think it's really that it's just i just don't look like what i used to no you look great you look great and you also have like the cali your hair. You've been wearing a lot of Hawaiian shirts.
Oh, you're drinking water at like nine o'clock in the morning. Like you're doing all these things.
That's a flex though. Drinking like a big glass of water first thing in the morning.
That's a major healthy person. That basically gets you on Joe Rogan's podcast as a scientist.
Yeah. Be like, you know what I do? I chug water in the morning.
My skin is great. That's that dude from Peloton, the CEO of Peloton.
Every morning he goes to the sink and he takes, I think, 40 handfuls of water and throws them into his mouth and bolts them down. That's his secret.
That's when I knew it was time to get off the bike. Oh, Jesus.
That's amazing. I don't have that yet.
Give me a few more years in California and I'll have my thing that I do. I don't't really have a thing yet.
I just kind of like, I don't know, I jog every so often. But yeah, I will have something where I'm like injecting kale into my veins or something.
You go outside. I'm not there yet.
I don't have anything weird yet. Go outside and stare directly at the sun for 30 seconds every minute.
Right on your retinas. What is the difference in process between like having a guy? Because I imagine you guys didn't write anything down when I said I would come on the show.
Versus someone that you're being pitched to come on and you don't know anything about them. You have no idea what to expect.
What's the difference of process there? Sometimes they ask us to write down sample questions and then we just totally make those up. And we never...
Maybe we'll end up asking one out of like 20 questions that we said but that's just by coincidence that we do that so um occasionally we do that and then usually it's mostly just kelly or peggy or bookers um just being like hey do you want this person and us being like oh god it's another text from kelly again and then we ignore it for a while then she yells at hank and then we say yeah okay we'll take that person yeah pretty much that's the whole process one thing i gotta get better at that i I could ask you guys for advice. Is we say, yeah, okay, we'll take that person.
Yeah, pretty much. That's the whole process.
One thing I could get better at that I could ask you guys for advice is when do you plug the energy drink that the guest has to plug? Like, is that out of the gate you do that? Because I haven't gotten a natural, you know, you have someone on, you want to talk about their career, you want to talk about something interesting that they did that i don't know you have your list of questions and they're like all right

so pivoting here it's uh your energy drink that you're uh that you're promoting uh what's that

about what it says here that you're in crypto what uh what is that about there are times yeah

there are times where it is uh like we've had certain interviews and people will know exactly

who we're talking about when we say these but like where it's just awkward it's almost like the

Thank you. where it is uh like we've had certain interviews and people will know exactly who we're talking about when we say these but like where it's just awkward it's almost like the um classic dan patrick when he had matt harvey on and matt harvey refused to talk about anything but qualcomm there'll be some of those where you're like this sucks like you don't want to be here i should do that sometime yeah that'd be a good bit for me to come out here just like pitch something for the something for the entire time.
Like, let's get it back to Qualcomm. I'm just here to talk about broadband access.
That's it. Yeah.
Let's get into it. But yeah, Rock and Refuel, actually.
The AJ Green one. Rock and Refuel.
See, sometimes it's actually funny because the guest will just constantly talk about the product. And it almost, it goes out the other end.
And it becomes good again because it's so bad. Yeah.
Yeah. that's uh i should do that that's a good bit i could try um all right so i have a real basketball question so the clippers uh are probably at the time of this taping they're down 2-0 and i had the take that we'll eventually get to the point where people be like they just hate each other because it makes no sense obviously lu incredible and the Mavs are a good team, but it makes no sense that they could possibly be out of the playoffs again in the first – or last year was the second round, but first round.
Do you think that it's a chemistry thing and being on teams your entire life at, you know, Ohio State and AAU – I don't know if everyone knows, but we played with Odin and Mike Conley, AAU. How much is the chemistry actually a real thing in basketball? Oh, it's a thing.
I think the Clippers, though, I don't know if they really hate each other. When I watch the Clippers, it feels like they all want to have a chip on the shoulder, but they're kind of trying to just shortcut the chip on the shoulder situation where they're like they they they there's like a sense of entitlement i don't know it's like a false perfect it's so weird and what i mean by that is like the thing that stood out to me i didn't watch it i was watching the lakers game last night uh lakers fan yeah i i'm a die-hard lakers fan as we've discussed um but uh uh paul george crosses up for zingas and the the clippers bench goes nuts and they're pointing at porzingis and they're they're they're mocking porzingis and there's this whole attitude about how they're like the tough guys but they're also down 2-0 in the last two games at home uh and they were doing this last year too with with like chirping at luka when they were playing the the mavs uh they were they were chirping at dame lillard when he was at the free throw line.
I just get the sense of, like, they all want to be chip on their shoulder, underdog, like we're the team no one likes in L.A., whatever. But they don't actually play hard or care about the score.
It's a bizarre deal. I don't think they hate each other.
They hate themselves. I think everybody everybody on that team deep down yeah i also here's the take i'll i'm gonna probably work on it's not ready yet but kawaii just can't isn't built to be like the true alpha because he doesn't you do at some point have to be the guy who like yells at your teammates and like hey go over here do this do that and you could make the argument that with the raptors you know spurs obviously were loaded for other reasons they had different guys but the raptors kyle lowry was probably that guy for that team yeah i would agree with you i guess and paul george is not that guy well if you feel like they don't have that if you want to get into like the psychology of it paul george probably feels the need to stand up and try to be that guy because Kawhi is not as vocal as he should be or as vocal as a lot of other leaders are but he also knows that Kawhi is way better than him so when he tries to step in that leadership position he's being like totally inauthentic gets in his own head that's what yeah that's what I'm saying I feel like their trash talk is inauthentic that that's the way I put it isentic.
It's like they have this brand in their head of like, this is the team we are. And it's very, you know, even Ty Lue, like the way I haven't paid that much attention to the Clippers this year, but every time like a Ty Lue post-game press conference quote pops up on my timeline, I just roll my eyes at like how he's, he's like trying to play a character of, I don't know.
I don't give a damn. Like He feels like Ty Lue just says that a lot.
I don't give a damn what the haters think. It's like, okay, I don't.
Okay. Right, he's like, who are you talking to right now? Yeah, Ty, what's going on right now? I don't know.
The Clippers, they've gotten kind of boring to me. I think it was more fun last year watching them flame out, and this year I'm not really surprised.
It's just, I don't know. It's not as fun.
Last year was fun. Last year watching them flame out.
Yeah, you're right. It's hilarious.
This year it's just kind of sad. It's depressing.
It's sad and depressing, and you're like, wait, this is, they really do suck, kind of. Yeah, they just kind of.
When it's supposed to matter, they just suck. Yeah uh i don't know i i just it's fun watching um like a team and knowing that it's going to produce the most nuclear takes like the clippers are one of those teams where you have the star potential you have the paul george playoff p which is a lightning rod and you just know you're going to get the takes but i guess

my argument would be i think the nets are the new clippers because uh the clippers have gotten to

the point now where there is no like arguing i don't think it's worth like hashing out they

said there's no size they just stink that's what i'm saying it's just depressing and you're just

like yeah they stink you're not caught in an argument of like can they do it are they going

to be our kid is the kid is the chemistry going to work i don't know man they're still really

talented so I still think they're going to

Thank you. and you're just like, yeah, they stink.
You're not caught in an argument of like, can they do it? Are they going to be – is the chemistry going to work? I don't know, man. They're still really talented, so I still think they're going to – you don't really have arguments about it.
I think the Nets are the new Clippers in that regard. They're obviously very good.
They're super talented. They're the favorites to win it.
But can it work? Do they have production after the first three guys? And then now you can kind of argue about that. Four guys.
Yeah, four guys.

Sorry, I forgot.

I forgot about four.

Is Kyrie nuts?

And is James Harden a little too? Can those three personalities mesh?

That's what the new Clippers are to me.

Right, yeah.

If you were on the Nets,

so if we took Joe Harris off the Nets

and we put Mark Titus on it,

in your peak abilities, how many points could you score? I mean, I could hit open shots, so I guess it comes down to that. I'd be good for a couple threes a game.
It sounds preposterous. I know people listening are like, you don't understand what goes into NBA.
And I do. I get it.
I would be very out of shape. I not guard anybody my uh my always like whenever i think about these hypotheticals my thought is always like how long can i be on the court before people realize this guy doesn't belong on this court right this guy this guy's and i feel like i could i could disguise it for like a minute or two where i would i could cut you know i could cut hard off if i would know where to be I would spot up in good position stuff uh defense I get burned a couple times but I blame it on my teammates and I just point you know and I think if you're watching you'd be like all right you got burned but like maybe they were supposed to be helped there or something uh so I think I could disguise it for like two minutes but in all honesty I could hit open shots and And I think if you're playing with those three guys,

that's all you've got to do is spot up in the corner.

So I'm good for like – I'd go like two for seven from the three-point line.

Just spotting up in the corner, I think.

That's pretty good, yeah.

I'd go two for seven.

On defense, did you ever pull this move when you tried to just blend in,

pretend that you got blocked behind a really good screen,

that you had trouble fighting your way through,

and that's why you weren't able to guard him? Yeah, that's a good one.

I was great at dying on screens.

I don't know. you got blocked behind like a really good screen that you had trouble fighting your way through yeah that's why you weren't able to guard him yeah that's i was great at dying uh dying on screens uh that was a great defensive move also the uh let the guy blow by you and then try to poke it from behind move yeah um scream when a guy goes up for a layup that's also like a quick one the reach around i love doing that that's that's an all-time i'm completely gassed but i'm gonna make like the bare minimum effort yeah right right i do that um i don't know a lot a lot of bad charge attempts um yeah i don't know but dying on screens is a good one dying on because because in my mind when you're playing defense if you get screened that's basically just that's a good out of jail free card yes yeah yeah good off it now falls on the yeah yeah it now falls on the rest of the team to do something about it and you're like all right my work here is done i've been screened so what about um what about uh the midwest teams you are mr midwest after all yeah are you rooting for the bucks uh i i think i'd have to be um because the bucks the bucks have like college basketball vibes where it's like they're they're virginia before virginia won the title or they're like baylor you know where they're good every year but they can't get over the hump and people are counting them out and i think like i'm cheering for them for that story because it's a small market um and yeah and and they play an ugly brand of basketball and uh i i would to see them pulled off.
I don't really know who I'm cheering for, though. I am cheering for small markets in general.
I want small markets in general. I don't want Lakers-Nets.
I definitely don't want that. We're rooting for the Nets just because of Blake Griffin and hoping that we get to, in some way, the first 400 text messages that he sends are not not responded to and then he sends like a text to us being like hey you want to come party with the team i was gonna say yeah the party did uh have you guys ever done that like pft you did that with the caps kind of yeah with the caps after the stanley cup that was uh that was quite a night yeah yeah i did with the Blackhawks, both 13 and 15.
It was very fun. Very, very fun.
I imagine. And the Cubs, actually, with Rizzo.
But that was different because baseball is different. Like, baseball, the guys aren't, like, friends the same way.
But you weren't in Cleveland either, like, the night of. No.
I'm talking, like, the night of. No, I was doing a live stream.
I remember. Yes, yes.
I was doing a live stream. With Dave.
I imagine NBA guys, I don't know, hockey guys can party. Hockey, yeah.
The scenario with the Caps was it was in Las Vegas, and they didn't fly home. Usually the team that wins the Stanley Cup on the road, they'll get on a plane that night.
They'll go back to their hometown. They'll party there.
But they're like, we're in Vegas. We're going to stay here.
And that was, yeah, it was absolutely insane. Well, I tell you what, if the Nets are playing the Lakers and they clinch in L.A., you guys got to come out to L.A.
and then let me sneak into this party. Wait, we got to come out to L.A.
and stay at your house and then hope that Blake texts us?'ll all just be sitting we'll live stream all of us we'll have russillo come over we'll all go to russillo's house and we'll just live stream the four of us staring at our phones waiting for blake griffin to text i have a pretty good sense of like where i stand with some of our guests slash celebrity athletes, I would say that there's a .0000001% chance that Blake Griffin would ever text us after. And that's not a knock on Blake.
I just know where I stand with him, and I love him, and I think he does consider us friends like this show and all of us, but that would not happen. What if you reach out to him though no i think he would give me he hit me with the haha the not the the button one yeah like i'm like hey you want to go out and hit me with the haha emphasize and it would just be that would be it and i'm like okay cool we're not even his favorite podcast so yeah dax shepherd dax is probably going to hangful.
It's very hurtful. Now, James Harden, that would be a fun guy to hang out with.
Yes. That would be fun.
God damn it. He would be like J.R.
Smith except not putting on a shirt. He just wouldn't put pants on for the next week and a half.
Who would be the least fun of all the teams in the playoffs if they won? What would be the least fun team? You get asked to go out with them. I like this.
You get to go party that night after they won the title, and you're like, meh. I mean, the Clippers.
I don't need to. Yeah, Clippers.
Paul George and Kawhi standing in the corner. Patrick Beverly getting into fights with everybody.
Yeah, sneaky. Maybe most fun would be the Sixers.
I think Joel Embiid would be so much fun to be a fan. Joel Embiid would be a ton of fun.
He seems like a guy who would be like trying to – he seems like a guy who would want everyone else to have as much fun as him. Yeah.
The Mavs, the idea of like Cuban and Luka, I don't know if that would be fun or not. It's one end of the spectrum and I don't know if it's like the worst party ever or if Luka would get after it and be a ton of fun to be around.
What about the Jazz? If you win in Salt Lake City, I guess you could turn it into a game

and you could be like, we could realistically try to drink

every ounce of alcohol in this entire city.

Well, I mean, the Jazz would be, if I was making a list of parties

I could most likely get into, the Jazz is probably at the top.

Yeah, that's probably at the top.

Oh, I mean, the most fun is a no-brainer, the Suns. We'd all get our dicks sucked.
Right? Jake goes first. What would you go, Mark? Let's go around the room.
I call third. I want third.
I'll go last. Okay, there we go, PFT.
So I'll go third. Mark wanted to say he wanted to go last, but I could tell that he was embarrassed.
Do you want second? You want the two-hole? The two-hole. You can.
All right, we'll give Mark the two-hole, and then we'll just go Hank and Bubba four-five. Bubba back in cleanup? Yeah, Bubba four, Hank five, PFT six.
Yeah, I mean, that would by far be the like i would imagine showing up to the suns

imagine frank minsky got us in the sun's party we're like so uh you know who's a dick sucking jake ratter still icing his balls down oh shit uh i think the celtics wouldn't be fun either Should we talk about your boy?

No, we don't need to.

Well, I mean, Brad Stevens, is he coaching for his job? Well, he is coaching for his job. He's not my boy anymore.
He's not your boy anymore. But I thought Indiana didn't offer him.
Yeah, they didn't offer him, but at the same time they offered him $70 million. And then he's like, what? They never offered me anything.
And, i i don't know i wish brad well i i i am from the brad stevens coaching tree um he coached me when i was in second grade uh we we go way back um so i i i will cheer for brad but uh the dream is dead the dream is officially dead i came on this show i i tried to meme it into existence i tried tried to meme Brad Stevens. But I really do like Mike Woodson.
Are you nervous yet, Big Cat, that all the initial laughing at Mike Woodson is already looking shaky? I told you I'm nervous because of Thad Mata. Mike Woodson does not make me nervous.
Thad Mata makes me nervous. Thad Mata is a great recruiter, and he knows how to build a program.
So he absolutely makes me nervous.

And I'm more nervous about what the future is with Greg Gard than I am about,

you know what I mean?

It seems unstable.

That seems fair.

But he just got an extension, didn't he?

So he'll be around for a little while.

Good for you.

Yeah, a little more stable now.

Going to get back to Titus in a second.

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And I haven't gotten out of my head since. Oh, my God.
Does he have any sources behind that? Wait. Hold on.
Is it say it and then it will happen like the secret? Hold on. Will it be year one? Because Coach K definitely is going to do a, I will be retiring in 2025.
Here's my last four years. Everyone really soak it in.
Well, also, there's like imbalanced scheduling in the ACC. So he wants to make sure that every ACC arena, he'll have a chance to get to everyone.
So he's not going to get to all of them this year, but next year we'll be able to get to all of them. No, Tate has, as is anything with Duke and Tate, like he's got sources, but also like you could tell that guy anything that's like kind of bad about duke and he's he's just chomping at the bit like yes i accepted his fact yeah i'm running with this so he definitely has sources he has people that are that uh said there's there's a plan in place um but also i think he maybe didn't pay attention to details he just heard coach cage retiring and just yeah interesting but it out loud, and I listened to him make the case, and I was like, that makes a ton of sense.
All he really wanted to do was outlast Roy. Roy retired.
I really do think it's going to be interesting with all these old guys in college basketball because the game, as you guys are probably aware, is like college basketball is almost unrecognizable in terms of like how you construct a team than it was even like 10 years ago yeah uh and it wouldn't surprise me if all these old guys just do a k or not k what roy did where they just like wake up one day and they're like i don't i don't want to do this this is this is insane i don't want to like get into i don't know how to log on to the transfer portal i don't do this. Now I'm like, you know, you used to like, if you're Jim Boeheim, you're trying to recruit a guy to go to Syracuse instead of Duke, and now you have to recruit guys to not go to the overtime league, to not go like a prep school, to not like go to Australia.
He's running out of sons. That's his most effective recruiting team.
I think you get to a point where maybe Boeheim, you know, I don't know. He wakes up one day and his car's on.
He's like, how do I end up here? He's like, I should probably retire. He has kind of been asleep at the wheel for that program.
Jake gets so mad when we make those fucking jokes. He gets so mad.
Yeah, because Buddy and Jimmy are AWL. Yeah, shout out Buddy and Jimmy.
We love Buddy and Jimmy. I like Jim Bayheim.
He's old school. Here's another great question.
Who is someone that confirmed, listened to part of my take all the time, huge AWL in the world of sports, an athlete, a coach, or whatever, where you're like, that's cool you listen to the show, still fuck you? That's a good question. I don't care.
I'm not going to. Great question.
I don't care. You're just trying to get us into a lot of trouble.
I think there are definitely some. We've gotten a little bit better because I know at the beginning.
So at the beginning, we would take pretty much any interview. And I think we did turn some people that we would make fun of.
And then it's like, oh, we've lost those people. Now we're getting a little more conscious of like Dude Perfect, for example.
I bet you if we wanted to get Dude Perfect on the show, we could. Oh, easy.
But we would never do it because then we can't make fun of them easy answer bryson dechambeau yeah he listens to the podcast yes oh okay all right there you go on the range yes he listens and he's the one guy yeah and we fucking hate him yeah so still fuck that guy hey bryson fuck you i bet do you think and this could go for your podcast too, Titus. Like who, let's not say listener, but they are aware of it or it has been on at some point with them in the vicinity.
That you'd be like, whoa, that's awesome. Like we know that Tom Brady has heard this podcast because Julian Edelman has played it in the car.
You know what I mean? Something like that. Tom Brady's not a listener, but he knows of our existence.
Do you think LeBron has ever had a podcast with Mark Titus on it? I don't know where it'd be. I don't think you'd listen to podcasts in the locker room.
But is he aware? I think I'm at a perfect level where I have enough of an audience that I can make a living doing this. And, uh, I can, I can not worry about like where next month's rent's going to come from and all that kind of stuff.
But I'm also at like, I'm not you guys. So, um, if, if you Google sports podcast, if you're a look, cause like LeBron, LeBron, you know that he just Googles sports podcast.
That's how LeBron consumes all of his media. when it comes time to read a book he just says like what are the best books oh the godfather I'm gonna pick that one up and read page one um so I I feel like I'm at a great level where like you don't really stumble across my show so you have to kind of seek it out so I'm not really I don't think I don't anticipate a lot of the heavy hitters are listening.
But the one thing that, like, trips me out – so I think, like, for my world, it would be, like, college coaches. Right.
And I know that Tom Izzo is aware of our show. Right.
And he definitely does not listen to it. But, like, I met Tom – the first time I ever met Tom Izzo, I was throwing out this theory.
This is all the way back in 2016. Denzel Valentine was on Michigan State.
He was first-team All-American. Michigan State was ranked, like, number one in the country or number two, something like that, really early out of the gate.
They were playing out of their minds. Bryn Forbes was on the team, too, who just had a great game for the Bucs.
And they were awesome. And then Denzel Valentine suddenly has to get his knee scoped, and he's out for, like, two weeks or something.
And then Michigan State starts losing a couple games. They're not playing that well.
And I threw out this theory that Denzel Valentine faked his knee injury, that Tom Izzo told him we're peaking too soon, and we need you to sit out for a couple weeks. Because when Denzel Valentine comes back from his knee injury, he's 100%.
He's dunking on people. He's explosive, all that i had this theory that uh denzel valentine faked his knee injury i was demanding to see the scars on his knee that he actually got it scoped all this kind of stuff tom iso gets asked about in a press conference someone raises their hand is like tom uh what do you have to say about the theory that denzel never actually had a knee scope and you just benched him for two weeks to because you guys were peaking too soon he's like what what the hell is going on fast forward like a week uh michigan state's playing at ohio state i'm working out at the shot with greg odin um and and we're coming down the stairs from the weight room or something and iso sees greg and because the team bus is pulling in to like go warm up or something he sees greg he's like oh big man whatever gives him uh dabs him up starts talking to him uh good to see you again how's life all that stuff and he turns to me and he goes I'm Tom Izz and I was like hey coach Mark Titus and he goes you're the guy he puts me in a big uh headlock and starts giving me a noogie and uh I'll never forget that moment I was like oh my god like some some of this bullshit I do on the internet like reaches these coaches which is uh wild to me so that was definitely that was definitely a moment for me but like I would say someone about it yeah like if if Izzo like Huggins if Huggins mentions like at a postgame press conference he's like you know you know these guys out here with these podcasts and Titus and the Titus of the world I would I would shit my pants I'd have to retire I think you know well I think you're selling yourself short a little bit because yeah you maybe not in like the podcast format but you're so hot you probably get all the youtube views so we probably do very poorly on youtube compared to you we've got uh what faces for podcasting and voices for blogging you have your tv guy yeah i'm a TV guy on YouTube.
Tom Crean reached out to me one time.

He called me and I'll never forget that phone call when he just called.

And he's like, do you have a problem with me?

That's just how he started the phone call.

Like, do you have a friend?

Like, are you obsessed with me?

And I was like, yeah, kind of.

Sort of.

Yeah.

No, I mean, sort of.

Yeah.

He just takes like a guy holding a mirror like that to you to be like, yeah, I think this

is going to be a problem. And Tom Crean is the perfect example of a guy who that to you to be like, yeah, I think this is going to be a problem.

And Tom Crean is the perfect example of a guy who we interviewed and we're like, wow, I feel like an asshole.

Because you are a really nice guy who genuinely cares about the kids and genuinely wants to do well.

And just things didn't go well for a couple of years.

He's still really weird.

I think if you're Tom Crean, you have to understand that.

You have to understand at a certain point that, I don don't know you have to be self-deprecating you have to understand that that there's stuff about you that people are just gonna make fun of uh yeah but that's also like you can't not everyone can be john harbaugh there's some jim harbaugh's you know what i mean like that's kind of how it how you break it down where it's like if you can figure out that like hey i'm a little weird or can you just you're just kind of gonna be a little weird and let the chips fall yeah is is there uh is there someone that you made fun of all the time and then uh you found that they listened to the show or they came on the show i made it was cream the answer i guess like that like i guess like if rick patino yeah like no we love it replied it replied to you guys and was like love the show yeah i love rick no we're big rick fans well we you know that i have a stalker yeah i know yeah okay so we love rick we have always loved rick yeah we've never said anything bad about rick we've always loved kwame brown too there was a time when i felt a little bad about the jj watt because like he i think he said to us he's like yeah my my grandmother like like would read all the comments on all my tweets and i'd be like okay yeah you know that does humanize it a little bit but uh yeah he's got hard man you gotta fight through and just be like i'm just gonna keep being an asshole yeah because you don't want to wake up and be like wilbon you know where you're just like my my close personal friend right every single athlete um you gotta you gotta make fun of some of these guys i actually think was it was another one too sean mcveigh met him at the combine and he was like hey uh you guys certainly take a lot of shots about my facial hair what's up with that and at that point i was actually like i need to go harder at his facial hair now because like sean mVay should not care what me, the person with the world's worst facial hair, has to say about his beard all the time. Right.
But I think we've done a good enough job where it's like there's definitely there's like a camp of guys, probably a dozen guys who I would consider like friends. You know what I mean? And I like I'll defend them forever.
And then the rest are just like we're friendly with them, but they know know that we still have to do a show. Yeah.
We still make fun of J.J. Watt.
He's in that second category of we're friendly with him. I would never say anything overtly mean at this point, but I still will say he can be very lame.
Yeah, yeah. And he has to – yeah, I think those are my favorite guys like they had they they might be lame but i guess they understand um that yeah you have to do a show and they're like i get it i would make fun of me too whatever like i feel like the college basketball version of that is a muscleman that he's like he he's he just does memes and and and is kind of out of his mind in a lot of ways and i guess if you like make jokes about him about that he's like yeah man love the show right yeah yeah no he gets he's a go with the flow he understands like he understands the content taking yourself too seriously is a very good way to turn people off right right i've actually noticed this about muss is recently he's been about i think six or seven days behind on behind on PMT.
Yeah. Because he'll reply to, like, our podcast with, like, quotes from the podcast that came out, like, last Tuesday.
I can confirm that because he— This would be a good test. So, Mus, when you're hearing this, tweet at us.
Tweet this quote directly back at us so we can time this out. That's actually a confirmed fact because Anthony, his right-hand man, who I'm friends with, yesterday said,

Musk loves the Dan Campbell interview.

So I was like, okay, that makes sense.

He loved it.

Yeah, he's going to be like, I love Titus on PMT.

Yeah, that was fun.

And then he's going to mention something from me coming on in March or something. Yeah.

Are you going to the Indy 500 this weekend? I'm not. It's sad.
I went every year for, God, I don't know how many years, 20 years, something like that. I grew up going to the race.
I transitioned from sitting by the pits with my dad and watching them work on the cars and all that stuff. And then I reached a certain age, and I wanted to go to the infield and do that scene.
And I went every year. Obviously last year we didn't go.
They didn't have fans. This year I was so excited to go back.
And then they announced that there's no infield seating. And you have to, like, if you go to the race, my understanding is you have to sit in the stands.
It's like 60% capacity and wear a mask. And it just wasn't worth it.
That's not the race. That's not the race.
Can you explain to us, because we're big F1 guys, can you explain, like, IndyCar racing to us in terms of F1? Well, first of all, they go faster, so that's a little beta. F1, you mean? No, no, no, no.
IndyCar. But there are a lot of twists and turns in Indy many kilometers right how many kilometers does the indie go so it's it's a little lame to cheer to watch the slower cars but i understand uh the the indy five it's like watching college basketball instead of nba right oh you walked into that you did it probably kind of is it probably is because if If you're making argument about formula one you'd be like you know the the crowds are better they there there's more of a culture right there right it really is it kind of is it really is in that in that regard i have no i have no rebuttal uh go watch formula one it's better sorry uh the the hook for the any 500 is largest sporting venue in the world uh ims you guys have been yes you guys walked around we saved your brother's life yeah you said where would my brother be if he couldn't crash in the i think dead barstool rv yes wait so anyway any 500 yeah it does uh yeah large yeah largest venue in the world largest single day uh not this year but uh under normal circumstances largest single day crowd for a sporting event anywhere in the world you will not find a sporting event where more people for one day go to one spot to watch a sporting event than indy 500 uh and and and beyond like the party scene which is it's it's a party there's no better party scene for sports i know the derby gets wild but the Indy 500 is And beyond the party scene, which is a party, there's no better party scene for sports.
I know the Derby gets wild, but the Indy 500 is the Derby, but it's bigger. And also, you can bring your own alcohol into the track, which you can't do at Churchill Downs.
And then on top of all that, even beyond the party and the atmosphere and all that, the race is awesome because it really is like it's an engineering marvel that these guys are going this fast. The track is basically flat, so they're just going into turns, going 230 miles an hour, and they have to kind of break and not hit each other in turn.
It's wild. It's wild.
Did you guys go to the race? Did you actually go to the race? Were you just kind of there for the scene? No, we were there for the scene. I left.
Posers. Yeah.
I showed up in a vodka interview with Fuzzy Zeller and left. Oh, that's right.
You got to see the cars go around, though. Like, how fast they go.
Are they like their cars and they go fast? Huh, that's interesting. It's really just a sporting event for five-year-olds.
No, I was going to say on the... I was going to say when you're there.
Oh, my God. My son would love it.
Car. Car.
Car. That backfired.
I was going to say, when you're there. Oh, my God.
My son would love it. Car.
Whoa. Car.
Car. That backfired.
I was going to say, when you're there and you watch the cars, you get appreciation for how fast they're going because they, you know, it's. They're going fast.
You've done a great job of selling this. Have you seen, by the way, there was a story, and I don't really understand the details of it, but your good friend Dan Dockich is working for DoorDash.
Yeah. That's a wild story.
That's a wild story. Can we go back to the Taiwan thing? I'll talk about that.
Yeah, that was probably easier than getting Dockich. I would love to hear Dockich's takes on the People's Republic of China.

Order a pizza or something.

He might throw up.

Let's talk about it.

If you call into Docich's show and ask him about Taiwan,

he would just Google Taiwan as you're asking the question,

and then he would just be skimming the Wikipedia page

and just firing off takes with the most confidence in the world.

Here's my thoughts.

It's just damn common sense. It's a bigger country.
It's your own Taiwan. My thing is this.
If you're an island, if you're an island, you shouldn't belong. Like Hawaii, you should be your own country.
If you're not. All right.
I had one last question for you uh so the ringer union damn it i started people don't know this this is a true story i i this is this is i i don't know why i'm telling you this i might get in trouble for it but this is a true story i actually started the ringer union and then left and that was the plan all along was that I was going to light a stick of dynamite, drop it in the ringer and then bounce and go to Fox and let everyone else deal with it. So I recruited everybody to join the union.
I was going around with a clipboard and a signup sheet. I presented, I had, and then I walked into Bill's office and I had two pieces of paper.
And one was the union where we had enough signatures to actually form a union, and the other was my resignation letter. And then I walked out.
Take them both. You're going to need both of them.
I love it. I have one last question.
Are you an Ohio State apologist, like through and through, like Urban Meyer, good guy? Yeah, he did everything he could. No, no.
He did everything he could. That's another deal that you're're trying to like dan has tried to get me to get out that i'm not an urban meyer fan i was never an urban meyer fan i was a fan of herb like i was results i was a fan of his results yeah like i was definitely a hypocrite and i was like i will take all of the winning but uh the guy like he was he was a mercenary and i knew that and like he he was using ohio state – he was LeBron.
Urban Meyer and LeBron were the same person that was like, I'm going to use this to get what I need out of it. I'm going to use the state of Ohio.
And then once I get what I need, I'm gone, and that's that. And I saw through it.
I'm a Jim Trestle guy. Trestle is the greatest.
Big punt guy. He is unbelievable.
He's a guy that, like, genuinely cares and genuinely gets it and uh so that's like urban or the way urban handled things at ohio state was like polar opposite just in talking to like people that dealt with i knew people that played football at ohio state this is a true story uh i know people that played for urban meyer ohio state that were starters for ohio state and urban meyer did not know their name i swear to god They started football games at Ohio State, and Urban Meyer did not know their name. I swear to God, they started football games at Ohio State and Urban Meyer did not know their name.
Yeesh. I mean, but that – yeah, I mean – So once you hear that, you're like – I mean, I'm not going to, like, bend over backwards defending the guy and cheer for him.
But at the same time, like, I do love that we kick everyone's ass. So I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to, like, protest and be like, I'm done with Ohio with Ohio State football.
Yeah, duh, I'm going to watch. It's really your Urban Meyer fandom can be summed up if you ask, hey, Mark Titus, at what cost would you have for a national title? And your cost would be domestic violence and human beings being significantly hurt and emotionally, psychologists, you know, all these tattoos, all these things.
That's your cause. Everyone's got a cause.
That was Trestle. Yeah.
Yeah. In terms of a tattoo.
Tattoos. Domestic abuse, tattoos.
Like we're still always like, I don't't like trump but the tax breaks are pretty nice hey uh speaking of ohio state football the one thing i wanted to talk about before we get out of here dan um where where walk me through the justin fields experience with the bear with the bears now because uh i feel like you're not as excited about this as you should be.

No, I'm more than excited.

Okay, because I get a sense from you that you're like,

I don't want to be too excited because I've been down this road before.

I have – I got to be honest.

Justin Fields is my favorite Ohio State player of all time.

It was Braxton Miller.

Justin Fields came along.

I love everything about the guy. He is so easy to root for he he uh i i loved watching that guy play football um and i i think i've reached a point where i'm going to be a bears fan because i don't really cheer for an nfl team i watch all the the the nfl games but uh i'm going to be a bears fan because justin fields having success in the nfl is good for oh Like, with nobody he's drafted, everyone says Ohio State can't produce

good quarterbacks.

But my question to you, Dan, is what happens, like, if Justin Fields

is successful, is this more of a win for Ohio State or for the Chicago Bears

history of quarterbacks?

You know what I mean?

Like, who gets to be like, you can't make fun of our quarterbacks anymore?

I think we do, like, a press conference together. We do a joint press conference.
Yeah, we're like, hey, everyone, when you bring up quarterbacks, Justin Fields is the only one you should bring up. It's the epic hand-cheek meeting.
Yeah, right, exactly. It's Bears fans and then Ohio State fans, and the Ohio State fan has a free tattoo on his pie.
Right, exactly, exactly. And the Bears fans has like a few broken fingers, and it and it's like, this is this quarterback, this is Craig Krenzel.
I am over the moon. The only thing that I'm tempering my expectations is I know that Matt Nagy is not going to start him week one.
So I have to like, I want him to start right away. I want to jump right in.
I want to do the thing. I don't want to watch andy dalton on sunday night football nice guy seems like a nice guy nice family he was on the you know we interviewed him i really just want to start this era because i really do think he is special and here's the thing i'm at the point too that if he if it fails i might just it might just be done i might be done yeah with everything well that's my fear so how does it feel like what uh I know the Bears aren't the greatest organization, but a lot of the problems with NFL commentary is that, as a guy who doesn't really get into the weeds and pay that much attention, it just feels like it's all just sort of – if you're not one of four franchises that actually knows what the hell you're doing, it feels like everyone just says lol browns lol jets right lol bears and you're like okay but like what's the difference between the jets and the bears and the lions and the browns and the like so what is the bear situation how is this going to go what should i be prepared for yeah as i'm diving in ready to cheer for justin the bears are a cheap franchise in that they're like the theets those guys have money right like so their problem isn't that they don't have money and that they're not like trying to spend away their problems they're just incompetent the Bears the McCaskies like that's all their money is tied up in the Bears because it's there it's the family like you know air right so they don't have they weren't like a big businessman or businesswoman and then became the bears owners they have just been the bears owners so like an accountant runs the fucking team and they do shit where it's like all right well we'll keep this coach or you know we won't have as many scouts or like we won't upgrade this our injuries all these things so they're just they're not they just want to basically sell 1985 memorabilia and be like, hey, every five to ten years the Bears will win a couple playoff games and be like, Bears are back.
Bears are back. And I fall into it.
We all fall into it. You do? That's fine.
I can live with that. Yeah.
So that's how it's going to fail, and it will just fail, and it will be epic. But I don't think it's going to fail.
Jay Cutler just said today, I wouldn't play Justin Fields to start. He said, I would let him watch.
It's a tough spot, especially in Chicago. I think Andy Dalton is more than serviceable.
Yeah. But I think – More than serviceable.
That's a glowing endorsement. More than serviceable.
You have a guy on the bench that, like, the whole city's foaming at the mouth to see. More than serviceable.
Or the guy that's more than serviceable. I do think that you have to say all of these things i hope that the bears are saying all these things and secretly like not meaning it and they're just gonna you know operate under the assumption that he will be starting week one but you can't have him go into like his first off season or not even his first off season his first training camp his first ota with the pressure being like this is going to be the guy and and the Bears are doing his thing.
So the perfect explanation is Ryan Pace has now had – so he traded for Mike Glennon or signed Mike Glennon, drafted Mitch Trubisky, got Nick Foles, got Andy Dalton, got Justin Fields. He's had five quarterbacks.
The OGM gets five quarterbacks, right? Yeah. And he's had two head coaches.
He's had five quarterbacks. quarterbacks and the Bears are like well let's let him just do this draft so now he gets Justin Fields so so even if Justin Fields is good then that means that Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy keep their jobs which they're probably not very fit for their jobs and then the cycle continues like that I got you I got it's stupid okay that's okay well but welcome welcome're glad to have you.
We're glad to have you. This will be fun.
Yeah, it's going to work. And if it doesn't, like you said, we're blaming it.
I just want to get out ahead of it. I'll just jump in front of a bus.
If Justin Fields in Chicago does not work out, it is the Bears' fault. Do not blame this on Ohio State quarterbacks.
Put that one in the Bears.

Don't blame Justin Fields.

That's all I'm asking.

But blame Georgia.

That's an easy answer.

Blame Georgia, yes.

I mean, Titus, you just referred to LeBron and Urban Meyer as mercenaries.

Justin Fields died in the wool, Ohio State guy.

No, Justin Fields loves Ohio State.

And also, so did Joe Burrow. Joe burrow is also an ohio state guy yes i mean you could do that we had joe burrow and we get justin fields that's how it works uh no i i love that that's like that's the future of college sports though is like that i they're really like tate and i have thrown around an idea of uh doing an off-season show where we like decide who gets to claim which players of because the more transfers that are happening, it's more the the waters are are muddy.
But yeah, I mean, I love doing that. I always have people just replying like Russell Wilson, Wednesday, Wednesday.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like, OK, well, I'm claiming him. Yeah, we should we should do like a draft.
You get to do a draft. Right.
It should be just by conference. Like who are these guys? Maybe like in five years when more transfers happen, we'll have enough where we can do a full-on draft and like who gets these people.
A reverse draft where colleges take players from the pros and claim them. Yeah, you're recruiting them back to your college for the legacy.
But that stuff matters in basketball at least. I would uh i would love lebron to do a recruitment where he like picks which school he would have gone to for real and like he has to stick with it instead of saying like i was definitely going to ohio state and duke and i mean kobe did the same thing where he just saved every school um i love that idea of you have to re-recruit the pros and get it back and then now you can use them recruiting purposes.
I also want you to know you said something brilliant earlier here, and you could honestly make this a full-time podcast, is just whether or not LeBron James or Urban Meyer is the bigger Ohio vampire. Which one of these is the bigger locust that just used our state and left? That right there, that could fuel at least a month of first take.
Yeah, well, people are going to throw me on there. They're going to be like, Titus, you're not even from Ohio.
You lived there for a little while. You made Ohio State basketball your brand, and then you moved to California.
I mean, you said it. I should look in the mirror.
Yeah, but you look in the mirror and you see a hot dude. That's just guys gassing each other up.
You guys look great too, by the way. Oh, thanks.
You don't need to say that. It took us five times of complimenting you for you to finally reciprocate.
By the way, the sneaky last thing. My favorite thing that, like, I don't know why this started, but Stanford Steve and I – oh, it's because of the wings.
We were trying to get wings in the Final Four like three years ago so it was me stanford steve it was one of those stories where everyone thinks they're right and that's what makes it so funny it's like neither none of us are backing down that you you and steve uh it was like 1 30 a.m he has my back yeah and yeah yeah and it was just like a difference of lifestyle because i have no idea i was it was i was in hong kong yeah he was in Hong Kong kong so yeah we're at the final four and it's like 1 a.m but it's very very late and and we're i don't know it's late for us old dudes and we're the the scene is winding down and you and you and steve are talking about going to get wings tomorrow made a date and yeah you made a date you're like at noon tomorrow we're gonna go to this place and get wings and like you're like i heard this place is the in Minnesota. And then you guys invited me.
You're like, Titus, you want to go get wings at this place that has the best wings in Minneapolis? And seeing you two alphas, just like the stature that you – I don't know. It was the most intimidating thing I've ever seen in my life because I have never once in my life, quote, unquote, gone to get wings.
You just like go to a restaurant and then you order wings while you're there. No.
Or like, you know what I mean? Mark, tell me you're casual without telling me you're casual. Yeah, we were making plans.
We were literally like, all right, see you tomorrow. Like, let's meet at this place.
Yeah. Tomorrow, wings.
I do that typically like once every two weeks. It was so normal.
of fact my last my last meal that i had at a restaurant before the pandemic closed everything down was on a wing lunch with your co-host charlotte wilder at buffalo wild wings in times square that was my last meal before they closed down the entire city i'm not anti i eat wings i go i go to get wings it was the the like the way it would go down with me and my friends. I'd say, hey, you want to grab lunch tomorrow?

And then you're like, yeah, let's grab lunch. Let's figure

it out. Then maybe the day

of, you're like, what do you think? And you're like, I'm in the mood for

wings. Let's go to B-Dub or let's go wherever.

We don't say like the night before.

On my schedule, we are

going to get wings.

That whole invitation

intimidated the hell out of me. And then you and Steve have mocked mocked me ever since i actually think we made that we like a week before when it was like usually steve and i are like hey you go to this event you go to this event he's like hey you go to the final four i'm like yeah he's like all right we gotta get wings like yeah you're talking about wings like it's netflix and chill we'll see what happens come over yes like we're talking about wings like we have a gangbang scheduled for next weekend show up seven o'clock sharp uh no latex yes and i i was not aware of uh of this this lifestyle is there is there anything else that you do that with is there any other food and yet like should i like i to happen again.
Steaks? Ice cream? Ice cream? Go get some ice cream next weekend? I would say steaks. I would be like, yeah, let's go get a steak tomorrow night.
Steaks? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you plan it out.
But wings is definitely, like, that's an event. Because you also plan your whole day around it.
Pre-tum, tum. Got to sit in your hotel room with the ac on and maybe take a shit with your shirt off like there's a whole thing i just want to i just want to make it clear so everyone listening doesn't get the wrong idea like i i will go get wings i will put down a big plate of wings i will i can i can hang with the fellas i'm not i'm not john rostein where uh i asked rostein like what's your B-dubs order? Barcoastal.

Carry style.

Change your life.

I asked Rostein one time, what do you get at B-dubs?

He's like, I've never been.

I'm not surprised.

I can hang with the fellas.

I'm one of the guys.

Sounds like it.

When you say you can put down an entire plate of wings, I imagine you're talking like 12. Definitely boneless.
Definitely. The only reason I want to bring that up, though, and I've never said this out loud to Mark, but for some reason, Steve, every time he texts that thread from like three years ago, he always spells Mark's name with a C, and it cracks me up every time.
I don't know't know why it's the dumbest thing ever but it makes me laugh every time to just get your name wrong like that and it's just i again this is this is for no one at this point but just saying out loud mark i think it's very funny that he does i've also i've also done the uh it just reeks of desperation i think you guys could spell it which is why it doesn't work. But every so often I try to readjust the order of the group chat with the three of us,

where instead of you guys ganging up on me, I try to get Dan on my side to gang up on Steve.

It doesn't work.

Because we're wing bros.

It never works.

It started because of wings, and that's how it always works.

Mark with a K gets wings.

Mark with a C, he's like, can we just do some wraps? Yeah. They have a buffalo chicken wrap? Yeah.
Yeah. I smoke cigarettes.
I skip meals, and I'm French. Yeah, Mark with a C smokes cloves.
You're like, no, you got to try it. It tastes really great.
They're just like cigarettes. Look at you just found in that water.
All right. All right.
This has been awesome. We love you.
And we hopefully will do a life part two. I was going to say, yeah.
Congrats on baby number two. Thank you.
We got to do that. Let's do a life part two.
I enjoyed doing that. I had a lot of notes.
We had an awesome idea, which I can just say we're going to do it, but we're going to do a draft analysis of ourselves, both good and bad,

like being brutally honest, which would be great.

Upside, downside, strong side.

Which would be very, very good.

So we're going to do that.

We promise people.

We got to do it in person, though.

Yes.

We got to come to New York.

We got to do it home and home.

You guys came to LA.

Yeah, we'll come to Cali.

Yeah, come to Cali.

That'll be fun.

All right.

Well, Titus, have a great long weekend, and everyone enjoy the Indy 500. Car.
Car. Car's going in circles.
Fast car. It's awesome.
Do they honk at each other? I'm driving here. You've got to throw your hand up like that.
All right. Thanks, dude.
See you, man. We'll talk to you later.
Mark Titus is brought to you by MeUndies. Summer is here, which might mean leaving the great indoors for a dip in the great outdoors, whether that's a pool, an ocean, a fjord.
What's a fjord? I feel like that's... It's a Ford and Ferrari combination.
Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's a movie.
Yeah, true. Yeah.
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All right.

Firefest of the week. Let's do it.
Sending everyone off. Jake, you want to start? Long week.
Oh! Jake's not here. Mr.
Vacation himself, Jake Marsh. This is the OG crew.
Just the four of us. Back when life was not complicated with our two sons.
Back when Liam used to sit on the radiator. Yeah.
That's true. That was a scene.
Oh, jeez. For a long time.
That sucked. Remember when Howie Mandel came in? He's like, who's that guy sitting on the radiator? And the worst part is the whole time he was sitting on the radiator, he couldn't see any colors.
And I'm pretty sure I had a boot on like half the time, too. Yeah, well, that's your own fault.
You got hit by a car. Do you think that getting left off the part in my flakes box was like, that was the start of Jake Marsh's championship DVD? Oh, good point.
He's like, I guess you could say I took that personally. Yeah, big time.
All right, so Jake, no Fyre Fest? Okay. My Fyre Fest.
Do you know what you just did, though? What? No, I'm not going to say it. Jake's rent-free in Hank's head.
No, no, no, no. Yeah, he is.
I won't say it. No, no, that's not what I was going to say, though.

That's some rent-free shit, though, Hank.

That's not what I was going to say.

We weren't thinking about Jake.

Not the S word.

Don't say the S word.

What's the S word?

Soft?

No.

Shame?

Yeah.

No.

You just vacation shamed him.

No, I forgot.

Yeah, you did.

I forgot he wasn't here.

Yeah, you did.

No, that's why.

You vacation shamed Jake.

Never.

He's on vacation.

I would literally never.

And you just shamed him.

That I would never. Wow.
Ain't no fun when the rabbit got the gun. I'm the biggest vacation deponent person on this podcast.
You 100% vacation shamed him. Absolutely not.
No, I literally, I'm looking at you guys. My peripherals are bad.
I forgot he wasn't there. Uh-huh.
Vacation shamer. Anyway.
Welcome to the dark side, Hank. Yeah, I feel terrible about myself.
My Firefest of the week. it is vacation coming up, big weekend, holiday weekend.
I booked a haircut for yesterday. I showed up to the haircut.
It's fellow barber, so it's like a chain. There's a bunch around New York.
There was one in Brooklyn right next to where I used to live. Yep.
And when I went to register online, I guess it was like my saved place. So I thought I chose a place near me.
I walked in. They're like, yeah, you have no appointment like is there anything available they're like no i've so i just don't it's the worst i don't have a haircut i've sent it's a hat weekend for you yeah i've sent so many packages to the old office yeah it sucks it's brutal yes i just have it like saved in there and the feeling when they're just like you know when you can you're like oh what's the reservation and then you say it and they're you can just tell after a few seconds, you're like, nope, this isn't here.
It isn't there. I do that about once a week with a food order, where I accidentally send it to the office or to my apartment.
That's a bad feeling. Wait, what'd you say? You paid for it? I like reserved it, because the other places are like, oh, well, you reserved it, like.
Wait, so do you. You have to reserve your haircut.
You didn't get to, they didn't take walk-ins after that? There was no one available, like, you know. Yeah.
All our barbers are booked for the next few hours that's why you go to sport clips hank and they give you the text 15 minutes before right and the legendary steam towel right i'm gonna take your man card for not going to sport clips i'm probably i probably will this weekend i got a hair i'm gonna get a haircut in instituted area so i got a haircut today thanks for mentioning guys uh and they should just do they should honestly do um what... I just got trimmed.
Yeah. I didn't want to go full-blown.
I think I'm actually going to become an every-two-week haircut guy. A mini Jeff D.
Lowe. That's what Jeff does.
Yeah, he does every week, right? Not always. It's like every fortnight, essentially.
Because what I realize is I can't be held accountable. Sometimes I'll go nine weeks without a haircut, and then sometimes I'll go three.
I had to get on a pattern. The worst thing about my hair is Biz.
Like, when I see Biz's hair, I'm like, it's kind of gross, but that's exactly how my hair grows. They should really, we should start a barbershop that's just not a barbershop.
It's just a hot towel. It's a TV series.
I would go. Big profile guests.
But if you could just go in for a 10-minute quick hot – Amazon, here's a free idea. Instead of your fucking boo box telephone booth jails, do just a hot towel, 10-minute hot towel head massage.
I like where Hank's head's at. That would actually be huge.
So we just get people people to come in like we turn one of these rooms here and to almost like some sort of shop and we just put a towel around their neck and then we sit down we get maybe musicians and actors just kind of going back and forth but being real and like authentic with it yeah and then we put that on HBO real ass well don't let that real ass hell no be some loud ass hell. Yeah.
That's the name of the show. Loud ass hell.
Good Firefest, Hank. Thank you.
I'm happy everything else is going well. Everything else in my life is going great.
Check out Stool Streams. Play Barstool app.
It's been awesome. I'm going to play Cornhole next week.
Bags. You won 42-0 yesterday.
Yeah, it was a little bit. Most dominating performance ever in the history of Tripleoros.
Well, except for Jake's speed run that he did through the obstacle course. Well, he's the best in the office.
The perfect game. Yeah.
But you know what? He's not here because we're going to shame him. So he's not even the best one here right now.
Not right now. That's true.
I'm the best one here. Shame his ass.
My Fyre Fest, well, I guess the first Fyre Fest since Hank didn't want to bring it up, but you can do a $250 play right now in Indiana, in the state of Indiana, on the Barstool Sportsbook. And if you win, what do you get? Do you get to go to the...
You get to go to the Indy 500 party. You get to go to the Indy 500 party with Machine Gun Kelly and Diplo.
Yes. So Hank didn't want to bring that up for whatever reason.
So I guess I'll just say it. $10,000 bet you get a table.
Wow. You're kind of a Machine Gun Kelly stan this past year this past year i love you yeah oh his new album is really good nice you can put travis barker on anything like travis barker could be sitting behind barney the dinosaur and i'd be like gotta dvr that he is awesome um my fire fest is that i've got water damage in my apartment so it rained last night they've been doing construction upstairs me.
I walk out into my living room. I had like four framed posters, one framed New Zealand All Blacks jersey that just fell off the wall because the wall got soaked through.
Had big puddles on my floor. Did they break? Yeah, one of them broke.
And so then I've got like cracks on my ceiling. You were telling me the other day that it was one of a kind.
It was what, $40,000? It was Bowdoin Barrett. Yeah.
$40,000. It was an autographed Bowdoin Barrett New Zealand All Blacks jersey.
It was $40,000. It was $45,000.
I think right now it's depreciated, so it's $40,000. I hope your landlord has insurance.
Yeah, so we're going to have to work that out. It was so weird walking out into my living room and just seeing it looked like a war zone.
And then I went up, I touched the wall, and the wall was just soaked, bonk, to my apartment. But it was just, I don't know what I'm going to do because they have to take care of mold, I guess.
Yes. I don't know.
I'm not a- Sounds like free rent. It sounds like you got to stop paying rent.
Yeah, I should. I'll go on a one-man rent strike.
Yeah. I like that.
But yeah, that's just, it that I'm going to have to deal with, in addition to my elevator not working. Still? New York's back, baby.
There's no way your elevator works. Oh, yeah, it takes a long time to replace an elevator, turns out.
Yeah, very long. I forgot about that.
I got a walk-up now, fifth-floor walk-up. Just re-signed my lease.
Pretty good. Feel good about it.
Legs look good, though. It is good for the Cavs.
Yeah, it does feel like forever ago that your elevator needed to be fixed. The elevator has been breaking for the last year and a half, but they've just now started to replace it like a month and a half ago, two months ago.
It turns out it takes like – What if they said it's a 99% success rate? In the elevator? Great. I'll ride it every day.
I'm sick of the stairs. And it turns out- What if they say it's 85% success rate, but you only have to take one trip instead of two? Okay, easy.
I would just take the elevator up and then the stairs down. Okay, perfect.
That's easy choice for me. I would do the same.
You got to play the odds. I would do the same.
But it turns out you have to remove the elevator through the roof. Yeah.
It's like a K-cup. Correct.
And a coffee machine. Yes.
Yeah. Yes.

So that's tough.

That's tough.

My apartment's just going to shit right now.

That sucks.

Well, my fireplace is- I'm sure you have lots of space for as much as you pay in the city.

I really do.

I got pretty decent pads.

That was such an awesome burn by that.

Whoever made that meme, like, Nick's fans going home after Trey Young dropped 40 on them, and it's just like a little closet. Like $2,000 apartment.
Yeah, that's kind of right. 100 square feet.
I've upgraded. I'm working with like 700 square feet now.
Nice. Maybe 800.
It might be 800. I haven't walked it out, so we'll see.
All right, my FireFest is, someone else's FireFest is Dick Vitale, so Dickie V had just the – I would actually say, and I know this is going to be people like that's hyperbole. I'd say it's the worst flight ever.
You also didn't mention Coney PFD. Oh, yeah.
We got him. Hey, grab applause for everybody out there.
I'm actually not going to applaud. You're pissed.
I'm going to take my half. That should be your FireFest, Hank.
Is that Is that they caught your boy. Yeah, you're in mourning.
Your man, Coney. So, yeah.
Shout out to coronavirus. Bad.
Tough day to be a corona bro. Turns out the virus killed Joseph Coney.
It was all worth it. Allegedly.
All this pandemic was worth it. We got Coney.
If we got that one guy. That was the only way to get it.
But, yeah, Dickie V had the worst flight ever. His breakfast was bad on the flight.
First class flight, Orlando to san francisco he said i can't believe that today on our flight flying first class from orlando to san francisco that united has the nerve to serve for breakfast the most pathetic options i have ever seen this is the first time in my life that i have ever complained but this is a joke over five hour flight and then he uh he talked about like how they should just offer like whatever,

like eggs, cereal, fruit, anything.

And then when he got off the flight, he said that it was,

he sprinted to a concession stand because his stomach was churning

because he was so hungry from the awful options.

So shout out Dickie V.

It sounds like a nightmare, honestly.

Yeah, I feel pain.

Anytime you can work in like I'm flying first class and the food sucks,

usually people will have a lot of pity for you.

Worst plane flights, TWA, Pan Am, Dickie V going cross country from Florida to San Francisco.

I also think that's just a super old person thing.

I feel like they don't ever serve food on cross country flights anymore.

Like, back in the day, maybe.

Right.

But I feel like I've never.

I haven't been on a flight from, like, California to New York or LA where they're like, here's a meal.

Basically, if they let you choose two of like the uh cheese it's nuts and like some kind of uh chewy bar they let you say hey pick two that's the best you'll ever get yeah and you can honestly just give me a stroopwafel and'll be like, great meal. Those things are just crack.
How bad would a meal have to be in order for you to complain about it and say it was unacceptable on Twitter? What do you think they tried to... They gave you medium instead of medium rare plus.
I think you'd have to give me the Black Plague instantly. Yeah, you open it up and there's just baby spiders that crawl out of it.
Yeah. Do you know what the worst feeling is? I realized a long time ago, but I get reminded of it every now and then, that I am fat and that I will eat anything.
But when we were in West Virginia the last time for Rough and Rowdy, we went out to lunch with some of the guys who were doing the call and it was like four or five of us all ordered a steak and the other four people had one bite and were like it's disgusting and I looked up and I had just finished the whole steak and I was like why aren't you guys gonna like it's gross it's the worst steak ever how can a steak be gross it was very bad but I ate the whole thing yeah I wouldn't eat any steak but it was those moments when I realized like I am basically a garbage disposal and I'll eat anything it really it does hurt my feelings I just wonder what they tried to give our sweet prince, Dickie V. It must have been bad for him to complain.
Speaking of our sweet prince, five-year anniversary today. I mentioned that at the top of the show.
You weren't here for that. Right.
That was going to be my first line. R.I.P.
Some people actually don't understand that we record sometimes parts of the show. Like everyone, this is now we're getting, here we go, the magic, how it's made.
They're like, you called Josh Allen at 1230 in the morning and he picked up? Like, nope. We recorded that at three o'clock in the afternoon.
So what do you think had a bigger impact on the growth of part of my team? That came after the beginning, which was recorded at? Yes. How? 1230.
Yeah. Time's crazy.
We will sometimes record pieces of the show and put it all together. Like right now, we have no idea.
Quick. Lakers-Suns.
Who won? Suns. Suns won.
Big time. I think the Lakers won.
But the Suns covered. Okay.
And I think the Blazers killed whoever they're playing playing. Nuggets.
Nope. And heat culture back.
Wrong again. Really? Well, I guess this is the best part of the show now because we'll find out at the beginning, right? Mm-hmm.
So I have Blazers, Lakers, Heat. I have Bucks.
Suns. Suns plus seven.
Nuguggets I got Lakers, Suns I actually have a push in that game and then I've got the Blazers and the Heat the fans in Miami they're going to be rocking that arena is always big alright. Have a nice cold.
Liam has Jake's fact. Give me number eight.
Wait, Liam has Jake's fact. Oh, yeah.
Oh. Also, let's guess what Jake would have guessed for the number.
18. 18.
He's the most original kid ever. Hank, it's because of the lore.
Hank has been very chesty without Jake around. Hank, also been walking around with big old balls.
That's anti-Semitic, Hank. That was a joke.
In today's culture, you're going after his religion? No, I just wanted to pick a different number. All right.
And he already won us. The oldest continuously daily published newspaper is the Boston Globe, which was founded in 1872.
Wow. Whoa.
Very cool, Jake. 99.
What was your pick, Liam?

50.

86.

There's five.

Wait.

Five-year anniversary.

I should have picked it.

No, but also, I think we've had every single digit.

Oh, yeah.

We had one, two, three still in there.

I mean, that's Harambe right there.

That's not a ping pong ball.

That's a gorilla ball right there. That's a good thing I mentioned at the start of the show.

That's our sweet prince.

That is our sweet prince.

RIP.

Do we have a mashup for him?

Oh, yeah.

Big T.

Big Tennessee.

That's right.

Oh, my God.

Thank you. That's a good thing I mentioned at the start of the show.
That's our sweet prince. That is our sweet prince.
R.I.P. Do we have a mashup for him? Oh, yeah.
Big T. Big Tennessee.
That's right. Oh, my God.
Yeah, without Harambe. That's what got him this job.
Coke Freezies. No, well, same kid.
It's what put him on the map for us, right? Oh, God, I forgot that was. Well, it was Saturday for the boys first.
And then this song. This song that you're about to hear was, like, one of the first songs that I made.
I edited the video, put it on YouTube, and then another account took it, posted it on their YouTube and their Facebook, and it got a trillion views.

And it's just our song that we got no credit for.

It's bad producing.

I guess. Yeah.

Yeah.

We need lawyers.

Love you guys.

He was such a good gorilla. Love you guys.
the U.S. government I'm here without Harambe

But he's still on my lonely mind

I think about Harambe

And I dream about him all the time

I'm here without Harambe

But he's still with me in my dreams

Thank you. All the time, I'm here without Harambe.
But he's still with me in my dreams.

And tonight, it's Harambe and me. Yeah.

Everyone chose to ignore it The mainstream media didn't give a shit But we have taken up for your cause We know Hillary is who ordered the hit. Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm here without Harambe. But he's still on my lonely mind.
I think about Harambe. And I dream about him all the time.
I'm here without Harambe, but he's still with me in my dreams. And tonight, it's Harambe and me.
Every time I cry, it's a long day on my mind it's still hard but we know you're alright in heaven and when the shot rang out when they tried to take you down they didn't know that you're forever in our hearts hey dicks out for harambe I'm here without her, I'm he's still on my lonely mind I think about Harambe And I dream about him all the time I'm here without Harambe But he's still with me in my dreams And tonight

It's so wrong, baby