Mark Titus, NBA Playoffs, And Remembering Harambe 5 Years After His Death

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Speaker 1 On today, as part of my take, we have our very good friend, Mark Titus. An awesome interview.
One of those ones where we didn't write any questions down.

Speaker 1 We just shot the shit with our good friend for almost close to an hour. We're going to talk some NBA.
We're going to talk some Amazon. We're going to talk some Firefest.

Speaker 1 We have a great show for you sending you off on the holiday weekend. Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend.
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Speaker 1 Today is Friday, May 28th, and it is the five-year anniversary of when we lost our sweet prince.

Speaker 1 I can't even get the sentence out without laughing because it's so fucking ridiculous that we're still thinking about Harambe. R.I.P.

Speaker 5 Harambe.

Speaker 5 One of the seminal moments of pardon my take, I would would say getting sued by ESPN right off the bat.

Speaker 1 Adam Orson's bunker.

Speaker 5 Adam Orson's bunker and then the summer of Harambe. Without that fucking gorilla getting shot, I don't know if I'd be sitting next to you right now, Vicar.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable. It really is.

Speaker 1 On this day in sports history. Yeah.

Speaker 5 The ultimate blooper. A fan got too close to the playing field in Cincinnati.

Speaker 1 We need to do like every big-time anniversary. We got to all come together and have a beer for our sweet prince.
It's so stupid. It's so stupid.

Speaker 1 And I think we actually are getting close to having it be funny again.

Speaker 5 The resurgence?

Speaker 1 Because it was very funny for that summer. Then it was like very lame.
But now enough time has passed where if you just drop a harambe, it's like, oh, that's actually kind of funny.

Speaker 5 Yeah, the ironic resurgence of harambe is due.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And we really never let it go.

Speaker 1 No. No, our sweet prince.
So that was that. That's the lead.
All right, so we stayed up.

Speaker 5 We put his face on tie-dye t-shirts.

Speaker 5 Hank sold millions of dollars worth of t-shirts.

Speaker 1 So many t-shirts. And they all, I hope everyone who still has one can look back and be like, wow, that was stupid.

Speaker 1 And if I had to explain it to anyone, like, there are some things you can explain to people culturally.

Speaker 1 This is one of those ones that if you met someone in 15 years from now and they're like, hey, what the fuck is that gorilla on your tie-dye shirt?

Speaker 5 You're like, don't worry about it. Oh, and it was Twitter gold, too.
Like, all you had to do was mention Harambe in a tweet. Instant clout right there.

Speaker 5 Like, looking back on it, it's like six levels of irony that you have to get through.

Speaker 5 I saw somebody tweet about it, a very touching memorial, saying, I remember a month after Harambe was killed, I went to a Blink 182 show, and the crowd spontaneously would erupt into Harambe chants between every song.

Speaker 5 It's like, yeah, that's about as 2016 as you can get.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and again, it's going to be like there will be people who are like, oh, they made a Harambe joke. They're so fucking lame.
Nah, it was one of those fun things that we just all enjoyed.

Speaker 1 And it's okay to look back and be like, that was funny.

Speaker 5 Big cat.

Speaker 1 Take your dick out for Harambe. Oh, yeah, dicks out for Harambe.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 All right, so we stayed up.

Speaker 5 I just did it. We stayed up.

Speaker 1 We stayed up again. This time, it did not pay off.
So on Tuesday, we stayed up. We watched a great Suns Lakers game.
Tonight, we stayed up.

Speaker 1 And I am going to say right now, I officially feel bad for Phoenix Suns fans because we know a couple of them. They were sitting with us watching.
They do exist.

Speaker 1 They were like, of course, the first time in a decade that we've had a fun team, and then we have to play the Los Angeles Lakers.

Speaker 1 And the Los Angeles Lakers have, of course, as always, LeBron turns it on in the playoffs and knows that the regular season does not matter.

Speaker 1 And we are here and barring a ridiculous comeback, which we did not stay up for. Nope.
Well,

Speaker 5 let's say this. It's 12.05 a.m.
right now.

Speaker 1 Yes. So we did stay through the night.
We stayed up, but

Speaker 1 if the Suns come back, this is one of those moments where it'd actually be funny the start of the show.

Speaker 5 I was thinking about this watching this game because both teams have basketballs in their logos. Like the Suns are like, what should we make our logo?

Speaker 5 Oh, let's just put a basketball with heat waves around it. The Lakers also have a basketball as their logo.

Speaker 1 The Heat also played tonight.

Speaker 1 Well, they actually, I can't say that the Heat tonight. No, they didn't play.

Speaker 5 They were on television.

Speaker 1 They

Speaker 1 participated in a game.

Speaker 5 Yes, they were there.

Speaker 5 I think that basketball, out of all the sports, features the main piece of playing equipment more than any other sport.

Speaker 5 Like, there are a lot of teams. I think the Bucs might have a basketball in one of their logo.

Speaker 1 Helmets in football. Definitely a lot of helmets.

Speaker 5 You mean like on the helmets? Yeah. There are other helmets? Aren't there? I don't think so.

Speaker 5 I know that the Browns logo is just a Kleeko Browns helmet.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Maybe, yeah.
All right, this is too late in the night for me to go through all the helmets. Trying to think, racking my brain.

Speaker 5 Other helmet teams.

Speaker 5 Do the Raiders have one? Or is it just the Shields?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess I'm just thinking of them actually wearing helmets.

Speaker 5 Yeah, they do while they're on the field.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 yeah, the Lakers, actually, now it's an eight-point game. So, now we're going to look even dumber.
But I'm going to say it. The Lakers are up 2-1.
They're going to win this series.

Speaker 1 The Suns, I feel bad for them. I don't know how the Lakers don't come out of the West.
Hopefully, this is an old take or cold takes exposed moment.

Speaker 1 What is a cold takes exposed moment, though, was boy, was I wrong about the Bucks Heat Series.

Speaker 1 I want to apologize officially this is me being a bigger man not a fat joke I was very wrong the Bucs are so much better than the Heat the Heat do not know how to shoot a basketball like they just don't they miss so many shots around the rim and the Bucs are just way way better so my apologies to Milwaukee Bucks and Bucs fans I was wrong I fucked up listened up I've long said that Jimmy Butler is not a top 15 player in the NBA that is true he doesn't look at all like he did last year.

Speaker 5 I don't know what the difference is. He loved the bubble.

Speaker 5 The Heat, for some reason, they just enjoyed being uncomfortable in that bubble. What was it? Jimmy Butler being like, no disrespect to families.
I think there's too many families around.

Speaker 5 The players on the Heat are seeing their families too much at this point. Jimmy Butler, I wouldn't put it past him to be like, fuck this.
We're making our own bubble.

Speaker 5 You're not allowed to see anybody that's not on the team. I'm going to sell $20 cups of coffee to everybody still.
Like, let's just stick with what worked last time.

Speaker 1 back.

Speaker 5 You gotta change something up if you're the heat because they, I'm gonna use the F-word. They looked feckless.

Speaker 1 Feckless. Ooh, feckless.
The feckless heat. Yeah, that should be a sweep.
They should just sweep them and put them out of their misery. Dead man walking on that one.

Speaker 1 All right, let's talk some more NBA, some other games that happened. The Mecca is officially back.
The Mecca is officially back. Oh, it was rocking.
I'd say, I'll one-up you, big cat.

Speaker 5 New York City is back.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 So the only complaint I had, it was a great game.

Speaker 1 It just, look, I know that we joke about people calling it the mecha, but I absolutely will agree with the fact that when Madison Square Garden is rocking, it is up there at the top of the list of like arena settings,

Speaker 1 you know, experiences. You could just feel it.
Like I watched the whole game, shout out

Speaker 1 MSG not letting the crowd noise. I heard TNT didn't have like crowd noise.

Speaker 5 Well, it's very difficult to to censor like 30,000 people screaming, fuck you, Trey Young, all at the same time.

Speaker 5 But I'm also rooting for the garden, this playoff. I don't think I have really a team in the East, besides, obviously, the Nets, but I am rooting for the garden.

Speaker 1 The Wizards?

Speaker 5 I've been very clear about the Wizards that, like, yeah, I'll pretend to be on the Wizards bandwagon, but I have literally put them out of my brain, and my life has been better off for it since about 2006.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 I'm not able, that's a take that I'm not even able to backtrack on.

Speaker 1 I won't allow myself to do that, but I'm rooting for the garden.

Speaker 5 I don't really care about the Knicks that much, but I love seeing the garden rocking like that. In the words of America's new poet laureate, LeBron James, it was some loud ass hell.

Speaker 1 It was loud ass hell.

Speaker 5 I like saying like it was some loud ass hell. I actually think that loud ass hell is a great saying that we should totally embrace and run with.

Speaker 1 Loud ass hell. And he had to update it because he was like, actually, I meant to not bleep out ass because I didn't mean to use the word ass.

Speaker 5 But then he bleeped out a letter that came before the word as.

Speaker 1 Yes, right. No, I think, yeah, yeah, right.
Exactly.

Speaker 5 He screwed up the censoring of who censors.

Speaker 1 A,

Speaker 1 dot, dot, H-E, and then double hockey sticks.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a family site.

Speaker 5 It's probably been, I'd say, maybe 20 years since I've seen the H-E-double hockey sticks used in the wild like that.

Speaker 1 That's like a

Speaker 1 real like fourth-grade teacher. move.
Yes. To be like, what the H-E-double hockey sticks is going on around here.

Speaker 5 Yeah, LeBron saw three bottles of wine and he went for the one in the middle and chugged out of that and then got online.

Speaker 1 Look, I'm just going to remind people, LeBron showed us his dick. That happened.
Okay, so H-E-double hockey sticks I can deal with. We saw your dick.
All right, so the garden's back. I really, really,

Speaker 1 we talked about this on Wednesday, but it needs to be restressed. What Nike has done with jerseys is an abomination.

Speaker 1 Whatever the Knicks were wearing was so fucking bad, it was like, it looked like if they made a movie set in the future and like New York City set in like 20,

Speaker 1 I don't know, 90, this is what the Knicks are wearing. That's like it made no sense.
Why wouldn't you wear your classic home whites when the mech is trying to be bad? Or the blue.

Speaker 5 Either way, the blue or the white would have made that game so much better. So much better.

Speaker 5 And I guess I was going to use this as a fire fest, but I think I should discuss it right now because we were talking about the jerseys and the colorblind issue in America on what was that Wednesday's show?

Speaker 5 I feel bad because there's somebody on this show that reached out to me that told me that he was colorblind and had never brought it up.

Speaker 5 And he didn't feel safe on Wednesday in that space letting us know

Speaker 1 Bubba's colorblind.

Speaker 5 That actually makes perfect sense. It explains like he can't tell red and green lights when he's crossing the road together.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

Speaker 1 Too soon, bro. Too soon.
It makes perfect sense. But Bubba,

Speaker 5 why didn't you feel safe?

Speaker 1 telling us i don't know i do hate when one of the teams doesn't wear white it's just really annoying on the screen Yes. Like, it drives me nice.
I agree. I think any sports one team should wear white.

Speaker 1 Right, and it's the inverse of, you know, whenever

Speaker 1 UCLA and USC play football, and you're like, this is an all-time uniform matchup. It feels great.
And they don't have to have white because those are two distinct colors.

Speaker 1 But they don't even reverse, just terrible uniform matchups.

Speaker 5 You don't even know about the great uniform matchup of USC and UCLA.

Speaker 1 Yeah, how colorblind are you?

Speaker 1 How are you a sneakerhead if you don't even know what color shoes you're?

Speaker 1 You wear a black t-shirt every day. You know, how colorblind are you? No, but how color is it?

Speaker 1 I'm not a behind-the-scenes guy move, though. Like, if we did.
All right, here's how I'll ask you. I don't know.
What color is this? I don't know. Bubba, here's how I'll praise this.

Speaker 1 I think I heard this once. I think so, too.

Speaker 1 Bubba, if we did a

Speaker 1 video where we put on those glasses.

Speaker 1 How viral would we go? I don't know. Would you cry? Oh, I'll fake cry.
Yeah, would you cry? Yeah, like would you.

Speaker 1 Have you seen color before

Speaker 1 no well yeah but i don't i don't know so i don't know you're i don't know how to explain it you're statistically the least racist person on this pod i was gonna say we should have been using this as a trump card all the time when everyone's like oh you guys are racist like no dude our producer does not see color yeah fact wow wait bubbo here's what we do we get when the mountains are blue

Speaker 5 come on I was going to say, that's what we say for the video.

Speaker 5 We put the glasses on him. Yeah.
And then we show him a coor's light can for the first time, an ice-cold one.

Speaker 1 And then he started.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would cry on that. The mountains being that blue, you'd cry.
I just, I felt bad, like, I'll put it in a verbal meme. Oh, I don't feel bad.
No, I'll put it in a verbal meme. No.

Speaker 1 Which explains a lot. Yeah, it explains so much.
It makes so much sense. I don't feel bad whatsoever.

Speaker 5 It's Bubba as Squidward peering out the window, and it's me and Big Cat

Speaker 5 down below having a great time doing the Rubik's Cube episode.

Speaker 1 Yeah, or just

Speaker 1 having a great time complaining about jerseys. Yeah.
Like, look at how much fun they have saying how bad the jerseys are.

Speaker 5 So, when you saw the Rubik's Cube, does that make any sense at all to you?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Kind of.
Kind of. How? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to explain it.

Speaker 1 What color is this logo on that shirt? Oh, so how colorblind are you? I don't know. But what color is this?

Speaker 1 This is why I didn't want to do it because I knew that this would turn into a thing where Big Cat just like

Speaker 1 picks up red shit and it's like, what color is this?

Speaker 1 I'm going to throw you like a. The most like Big Hat thing ever.
Yeah, the most, like, I'm going going to go to like a steel mill and get some glowing hot rods of steel and throw them to you.

Speaker 1 Like, what? Oh, you didn't realize they were hot, dude?

Speaker 1 How did you not see that? I was thinking about this last night as well because I know it's been an ongoing conversation. I didn't do research to find out if this is how they did do it, but

Speaker 1 the home team should just wear white. Yes.
Yes. That's it.
Yes. And then the away team wears color.
They can maybe switch it between a couple different colors.

Speaker 1 The home team should always wear white. It was terrible.
But anyway, the away team wears white. That drives me crazy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 the Knicks played really well. It was great to see Derrick Rose, like, he saved them.
He absolutely saved them. Throwback.
He doesn't like the word vintage.

Speaker 1 He doesn't like people saying that he's vintage Rose because he's still playing.

Speaker 1 And it was nice to see Julius Randall figure out, like, what happens when you get double teams because there was a game and a half where he could not understand what that meant.

Speaker 5 I think the new Riley Curry of this playoffs is going to be Julius Randle's son.

Speaker 1 He was so funny.

Speaker 5 His son is hilarious. Mean mugging.
His son just staring people down, ice-grilling them. So good.

Speaker 1 And Obi Toppin. Obi Toppin.
Ain't no stopping Obi Toppin. And the Knicks fan who spit on Trey Young.
Bad. See you.

Speaker 1 You don't deserve to be in the mecca. And then that's a perfect segue to the big story of Russell Westbrook getting popcorn dumped on the bottom.

Speaker 5 I was about to say a torch update. I think that New York fans are the new Philly fans.

Speaker 1 Well, then Philly fans did that.

Speaker 5 But it's popcorn.

Speaker 1 Like, obviously, Russell Westbrook was hurt. Not that bad.
That's the part that. Yeah.
Because then you add in the injury factor. Yeah, as he was going off the court with an ankle injury.

Speaker 1 I mean, it is a ridiculous thing to do that.

Speaker 1 So I've longstanding had an idea that players should be able to fight one fan a year. I'm going to adjust this, though, because I was thinking about it.

Speaker 1 Everyone correctly said the problem is Russell Westbrook would have used his fight on game one. And that's true.
He would have used it game one of the season, not this series.

Speaker 1 So I think what it should be is

Speaker 1 every player gets to call out a fan to fight. And like, you know, how they have, I mean, for the Bulls, they have

Speaker 1 the Dung and Donuts race, or they'll have, like, the moving ball. Basically, you have something on the Jumbotron that's like a roulette wheel, and it either says fight or no fight.

Speaker 1 And if the player calls out a fan, so it's unlimited amount of fights for the season. If the player calls out a fan and it's a no fight, the player owes the fan that game check.

Speaker 1 And if it's a fight, then the fan has to come down and fight the player in the middle of the court.

Speaker 5 I would love to see which players would use their fight a fan thing on somebody that's just sitting there there minding their own business. Just like

Speaker 1 you have to be prepared.

Speaker 5 I feel like fighting tonight. Well, then we have to figure out where the line's drawn.

Speaker 1 I think it's just anything like yelling.

Speaker 5 At that point, it becomes like too much of legislation. You just say a player can fight.

Speaker 5 It's part of the risk of attending a game. It's like going to a baseball game.
You might get hit with a foul ball. You go to a 76ers game.
You might have Ben Simmons punching you in your tooth.

Speaker 1 Well, and also, you would then, this would also make it so that fans are a little even feistier because they now have a chance to get the game check if there's no fight.

Speaker 1 And then they also have a chance to get their ass kicked for everyone to watch, which would be incredible.

Speaker 5 Oh, and then we could set up some sort of stunt where like Floyd Mayweather goes to a game wearing old people makeup like Kyrie Irving. Uh-huh.

Speaker 5 And then he talks shit, flips the guy off, takes the mask off, and now we got a real fight. Now he fights.

Speaker 1 What if it's like the kid in the bathroom fighting?

Speaker 1 What if it's like an MMA trained? Oh, the Oklahoma guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 That's good for the sport. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's up to the player. They have have to decide.
They can't call out someone that they think could kick their ass.

Speaker 1 It would just add an element, like if Russell Westbrook could basically say to that person who dropped popcorn on him, or Trey Young could say to the guy who spit on him, you now have to fight me.

Speaker 1 And it's legally, everything is on the table. Like, we have to fight, no weapons.
But if I kick your ass, if I knock you out, there's nothing you can do about it.

Speaker 1 Okay, what about Russell Westbrook never would have made it to that late in the season, though? That's what I'm saying. That's why I'm saying that's the same thing.
So now it's a roulette wheel. So

Speaker 1 it's a 50-50 proposition. It's a flip of a coin whether the fight is on or not.
And if the fight's not on, then the fan automatically gets the game check.

Speaker 5 I also think that you should be allowed to call out groups of fans, too. So instead of saying it's one fan, it's like one fight.

Speaker 5 And you can include, if you want to go 5v1 in that one fight, you can do that too.

Speaker 1 But just imagine if you're sitting at a basketball game and Russell Westbrook,

Speaker 1 there's a timeout, calls a timeout, and then you hear over, like the PA announcer is like, and we have a call out. We have a call out.
Russell Westbrook has called out fan in section 101, seat A4.

Speaker 1 And then the fan comes out. They stand there.
They spin the wheel. Fight or no fight.
I mean,

Speaker 1 that's the greatest entertainment of all time.

Speaker 5 And how sick would it be if you use your fight in the playoffs? If you're on the Suns, let's say, I don't know, Devin Booker, and he sees Drake in the front row. He's like, I want Drake.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I want to fight his ass. Then Drake has to do it.

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 5 It'd be great. If Drake wins, he gets in the hotel room.

Speaker 1 So implement that. Yeah, Philly fans had a nice night.
I mean, I guess

Speaker 1 it was really, truly

Speaker 1 like so perfect that Philadelphia and New York, no fans for a year and a half. First chance they get to have fans back, it's like, well, we got to get, we got to make up for lost time.

Speaker 5 Get their fax wax ready to relax.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like, we have to get this going.

Speaker 5 And then afterwards, like out in the street, it looked like, I mean, at that point, I was like,

Speaker 5 outside the mecca when people were taking their shirts off. It was almost a riot, almost like fires getting started.
Yep. Sports are better with fans.
Sports are better with fans.

Speaker 5 And then down in D.C., you had that naked, the full nude Nationals fan crawl inside the tarp and hide from people. That was awesome.
That was, yes.

Speaker 5 Points for creativity because I've never seen that before.

Speaker 1 Now, I'm guilty of this because I did tweet this on, I think, Sunday when the PGA Championship and the Mecca were both rocking, and I was like, this is awesome. Sports are better with fans.
How long?

Speaker 1 till it's just the lame guys at the party being like, sports are better with fans? It's like August, and people are still tweeting that, being like, sports are better with fans. Yeah, we know.

Speaker 5 I think you got to give us at least a year. You can't play with this.

Speaker 1 Hey, listen,

Speaker 1 there'll be this playoff run for NBA and NHL, and then the beginning of football season. Okay.
And then it's fair. Yes, college football is a big one.

Speaker 1 So I think sometime around Thanksgiving, if you're still doing that, if you're still pointing out the extremely obvious sports are better with fans, you're late to it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but I'm still going to, like, I'm still amazed when I look at a TV screen. Correct.
And there are fans going nuts like at the Islanders game.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, this is amazing. We're in a nice honeymoon phase where it is incredible to turn on a game and just be like, oh my God, this is awesome.
Unless it's in Canada, which is in Canada.

Speaker 1 Because it makes it look so much worse for them. So much worse.

Speaker 5 What about this? When are we going to get our first countertake? Somebody being like, sports were better without fans because fans are pouring popcorn and spitting on players.

Speaker 5 I feel like that's probably coming in the next two days. Yeah.

Speaker 5 If we get one incident, probably tonight, if we get an incident featuring like LeBron, there will be that take that.

Speaker 1 Why the bubble was actually good for the NBA. Yes.

Speaker 1 Why COVID actually was good for sports yes um all right next thing we've got to talk about we've got to talk about uh the match that got announced it is Bryson DeChambo and Aaron Rodgers versus Tom Brady and Phil Mickelson my the probably the two guys I hate the most have teamed up

Speaker 1 and where we come in Brooks has

Speaker 1 so there's a couple things that happened there was some Twitter back and forth BFT, because I love you, I'm not going to mention the fact that Bryson basically made the same exact joke that you made a week ago.

Speaker 1 No, he didn't, actually. So I'm not going to to say,

Speaker 5 but he didn't is the thing. Right.

Speaker 5 What's joke?

Speaker 1 The deflated balls joke.

Speaker 5 But his joke was, I was talking about Bitcoin deflated. Right.
Which was actually something that correlated. Right.
Bryson's joke was, your spirit will be deflated.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait.

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Speaker 1 So, it was a deflation joke. Yeah, we did.
But 800 was so much worse.

Speaker 1 It was very bad. It was the ball format, and it was

Speaker 1 when someone said, like, hey, PFT, this sucks. Of course,

Speaker 5 only two people can judge me, God and Tom Brady, on my jokes. And Tom Brady already weighed in on that, so I feel like it's time to move on.

Speaker 1 But yes, correct.

Speaker 5 It was a similar joke, and I just think that maybe Bryson copied me. I think, and that's tough.
Yeah, that is tough. That's tough.
You know what?

Speaker 1 He's rent-free.

Speaker 1 I'm rent-free.

Speaker 1 That's correct.

Speaker 5 Yeah, then we got into a whole like rent-free-off debate, which we predicted

Speaker 5 That's Bryson's go-to. Those are the death throes of a dead man when they start to make rent-free jokes.

Speaker 1 Triggered or rent-free is pretty much like, I have nothing else to say. Yeah.
So, yeah, he went to his group of scientists and was like, what's the great response?

Speaker 1 Like, how about we go with rent-free?

Speaker 1 Brooks played it perfectly. That's not a biased take.

Speaker 1 That's just a factual take saying sorry to Aaron Rodgers that he has to be paired with Bryson DiChambeau, which actually, as much as I hate Aaron Rodgers, I wouldn't wish being paired with Bryson DiChambeau Chambeau, my worst enemy.

Speaker 1 No, Aaron Rodgers is my worst enemy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, no, it's a tough pairing. Like, it's very, very hard to refer.
I predict that Aaron Rodgers will be sick of him as a teammate by hole two.

Speaker 5 Actually, let's get ahead of this. Can we please get Aaron Rodgers some help? Why is there every sport that Aaron Rodgers plays? It seems like no one wants to give him a good teammate to play with.

Speaker 5 I think he should bow out of this tournament too and go chill in Hawaii.

Speaker 1 He's having a good time in Hawaii.

Speaker 1 I love that for him. I love it for him and Miles Teller.
Yeah, playing guitar, long hair, man bun, feeling good. Weird.
Yeah, he's living his truth.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that whole team is copying me.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's true.

Speaker 1 They are.

Speaker 1 They're swagger jacking you. But either way, this is going to be great for golf and something that we can truly hate.

Speaker 1 And Brooks, if you are still thinking that Brooks is Bryson has Brooks bothered and not the opposite way around, then like you just, you just showed up two days ago.

Speaker 1 Because it's clear. Brooks tweeted out the video.
Like Bryson gets mad on the range at the golf course. If you mention Brooks, if you mention like anything, he gets very upset.

Speaker 5 And also, Bryson, he has a Mickey Mouse U.S. Open.

Speaker 5 Can we admit that?

Speaker 1 Oh, here's something I'll just throw out there.

Speaker 5 It's a Mickey Mouse major championship.

Speaker 1 There are no fans. Here's something I'll throw out there.
The only time that Bryson DeChambeau won a major, Brooks Kepka wasn't there. Yeah.
So do the math. Okay? Yeah.
He wasn't there.

Speaker 5 I got a Rick Riley joke. Is it okay? Should we wait for Tom Brady to judge it? I don't know.

Speaker 1 No, I was going to say, Tom. Say it, and then Bryson will use it.
Bryson will use it.

Speaker 5 Okay, here's a good one, Bryson.

Speaker 5 Hey, you guys hear that Aaron Rodgers and Bryson DeChambeau were on a golf team together? Yeah.

Speaker 5 It's impossible to find a team that hates ants more than those two.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 nice. Get it? Like his family? His family.
And the little ants. Yeah.
Get it? I actually didn't get it till the family part. That's great.

Speaker 5 Do you say aunt? Are you an aunt guy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I am. There it is.

Speaker 5 Tom, please weigh in.

Speaker 1 It's okay, PFT.

Speaker 5 I know that it doesn't bother you that Bryson took your joke. It doesn't.
Hey, Bryson, if you're going to. Here's what really bothers me about Bryson.

Speaker 5 If you're going to wear metal spikes on a golf course like a freak, at least have the common decency to be winning the tournament so that other people don't have to play after you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 5 He made everybody on the golf course play after him.

Speaker 1 Well, someone pointed out that Tiger always wore metal cleats.

Speaker 5 But that's Tiger. And also,

Speaker 1 he's on crutches now from wearing metal cleats his whole career. Right.

Speaker 1 Made his enemies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right.

Speaker 5 It would be a real shame if that were to happen to Bryson.

Speaker 1 He's not rooting for injury.

Speaker 5 We do know that Bryson gets a little careless with his driver.

Speaker 1 All right, let's go.

Speaker 1 We should just at least mention that Javi Baez broke base running in the Pirates' brains today because that was a hilarious clip to run back towards home.

Speaker 1 I don't think you can ever do that again because now they'll actually be like, hey, if this happens, here's what you do.

Speaker 1 But Javi by is hitting a a uh ball to the shortstop the ball taking the first baseman off the bag and then just going back towards home and being like what are you gonna do and then the pirates just forgetting how to play defense no one had ever done that before it's incredible and i think that it's a play that you're definitely more likely to see at like t-ball levels and little league.

Speaker 5 I'm talking like eight, nine-year-old coach pitch levels. Yes.
And then you get so good at baseball that that type of weird shit doesn't happen to you for the rest of your career.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 5 But Javi never forgets forgets the stuff that he learned when he was a kid. And so he starts running back to home plate.

Speaker 1 They threw the ball home.

Speaker 5 The catcher tried to tag out the runner from third base, which is stupid as shit.

Speaker 5 That guy can score, and you get the force out at first base, and it doesn't matter what happens.

Speaker 5 And then the first baseman has the audacity to start yelling at the pitcher, telling him to cover first base. Bitch, you're the first baseman.
You cover first base.

Speaker 5 You walk two miles per hour back down the line, step on the base. It was probably the worst but most hilarious baseball player I've ever seen.
Yeah. And that's the Pirates.
That's the Pirates.

Speaker 1 And that's also, it was actually the perfect storm because it's not only the Pirates, but also Javi Baez basically,

Speaker 1 he's a great

Speaker 1 improvisational base runner. Let's put it that way.
He's like, Jack. He kind of makes up his own rules as he goes, and then you get moments like this where he's doing crazy shit.

Speaker 5 Did you see when he took second base after

Speaker 5 the error by the second baseman covering first base? Yes. Javi sprints to second.
They throw the ball to second base, which was also an error on that play.

Speaker 5 And then for a second, Baez jumps up and he's like, oh, fuck, do I have to run to third now?

Speaker 1 He almost did, yeah.

Speaker 5 And he thought about it, but he didn't. But that was, yeah, that's the highlight of the season so far.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
So, last up before we get to Mark Titus, awesome interview with Mark Titus. Then we got Firefest on the other end.
We got a PR 101 for Amazon real quick.

Speaker 1 So tell me again what Amazon is doing.

Speaker 5 So Amazon,

Speaker 5 yeah, Amazon, in their ongoing effort to continue to hypnotize their remaining workers, their remaining human workers, and ask them to stay in the warehouse.

Speaker 5 They've set up phone booths in the middle of all their warehouses where workers can go in and take an emotional break, where they just go and they essentially sit in a phone booth-sized box for 15 minutes, and then they walk out and go back to work.

Speaker 1 Penalty box.

Speaker 5 It's a penalty box. So if you're working an eight-hour shift without peeing, you can go into this phone booth and cry for 10 minutes and come out.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Jeff. I like that Amazon just like...
When you create an insanely large computer company, but it's not a computer company.

Speaker 1 Everything's on the internet, obviously, and they're just selling all these things, and then they try to humanize it. It's like, whoop, whoops, we can't go backwards here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we can't actually put like a human culture into this thing. We've gone too far.
Right.

Speaker 5 All their humans are really just code in their giant system where they just, that's the way that they know how to quantify things.

Speaker 5 But if you look at it from like an uptop 30,000-foot perspective, what they've done is they've just created a box that their workers can go into, sit and stare at a screen, step out, and feel better about continuing.

Speaker 5 They're just hypnotizing their workers into not hating their job. Like, it's little hypnosis.
Yes.

Speaker 1 You go in the box. It's the boo box from Hook.

Speaker 5 What's the boo box?

Speaker 1 Remember the boo box in Hook when you go in like the trunk and they put like scorpions and stuff in there? Sme? Yeah, the boo box. Okay.

Speaker 1 You go in the boo box, and then when you come out, you're like, life is good out here. I mean, outside of the boo box.

Speaker 5 All you have to do is put one snake in one of those boxes. Yeah.
And like a real venomous one.

Speaker 1 That's fucking Snap It's Windpipe.

Speaker 5 A A pitfipe. That's all a snake is.
It's one long windpipe. Exactly.

Speaker 5 You step in there, there's a poisonous snake, a report comes out, hey, there was a venomous snake in one of these things, then none of their workers ever want to take a break again. Yes.

Speaker 5 That's really the long play if you're Jeff Bezos.

Speaker 1 By the way, quick update on the animal talk that we had last week. I saw a video of an elephant walking and he had like a, I don't know, probably about 10 foot long dick.

Speaker 1 You don't think I could fucking stomp on that dick?

Speaker 5 Just, here's what you do:

Speaker 1 I'd dick punch him, and then I'd win.

Speaker 5 Here's what you do: you take his dick, and then you wrap it around all of his legs. Yes, like how they took down those big walking things in Star Wars, trip him with his own dick, tie it into a knot.

Speaker 1 It was that big.

Speaker 5 And then you walk up to his trunk, and you just squeeze his trunk and hold his breath. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, and then he explodes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to our interview. We got Mark Titus.
Awesome interview. We're just kind of shooting the shit with him.
Good vibes going into the long weekend.

Speaker 1 Reminder: we have a no-show on Monday, show on Tuesday, show on Friday.

Speaker 6 Before we get to Mark, the Pro Football Football Show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game, Chevy Silverado is America's most dependable full-size truck.

Speaker 6 Whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff, the Silverado is one ride that's always game ready. Just like football, it's about grit, grind, and getting it done.

Speaker 6 Head to Chevy.com to learn more and build your own Chevy Silverado.

Speaker 1 Here he is, Mark Titus.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. He's one of our best friends.
He is here.

Speaker 1 What was

Speaker 1 the coffee?

Speaker 5 The coffee. Oh, the coffee.
Sorry. Which we were up until, like, I didn't go to sleep until like

Speaker 5 a block in the morning last night, Mark.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Mark, you know what? Let's start there. Well, actually, I wanted to introduce you.
So it is Mark Titus. He works for Fox Sports.
Titus and Tate podcast.

Speaker 1 People's Sports Podcast with our friend Charlotte Wilder. Titus and Tate with our friend Tate Frazier.
The People's Sports Podcast, are you a communist?

Speaker 2 That's a great question.

Speaker 2 I am whatever is in vogue. Is communism?

Speaker 2 Would you say communism is having a moment right now?

Speaker 5 It's elevated itself to the pantheon of political

Speaker 5 friend. Yes, re-apex.

Speaker 5 I think it is in the pantheon right now, actually. Okay.

Speaker 5 Let me put it to you this way: do you recognize Taiwan as a country?

Speaker 1 Oh, hard-hitting question.

Speaker 2 Great question. I would say I'm going to follow the lead of great Ohioan LeBron James, and I am going to educate myself on the matter.

Speaker 2 I am not going to speak before I have all the facts.

Speaker 2 I think a lot of people out here are just like talking like they know things. A lot of people that are like MIT educated and

Speaker 2 stuff like that.

Speaker 2 But they don't have all the facts like I do. So I'm going to collect the facts first before I go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, get some facts and come back to me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I will.

Speaker 2 I will put out a statement, though. So be on the lookout for that.
It'll come in. I just want to make sure I get all the facts.

Speaker 5 We'll put it up on Weebo.

Speaker 5 it is it is funny like we were talking yesterday about living rent-free in people's heads and uh technically like the entire nation of of taiwan lives rent-free in china because they think that that that mainland china is still taiwan it's a wild scene yeah just you're you're right though wait till all the facts come out what's um what's going on with your background are these national geographics yeah first of all i've come on the show like four times with this background i think but uh we don't actually we we usually don't put on the video for you oh for real no

Speaker 1 i'm just now noticing no you actually you don't want to know you want to know the dumbest thing that ever what so the pandemic has been going on for whatever a year and a half that we've gone to basically all zoom interviews for i don't know uh

Speaker 1 16 of the 18 months we basically just did the interviews with a laptop sitting on a bunch of cores light cases and we could barely see the person's uh like background or even their face and that person could barely hear us and then one day we're like wait can we put it up on the tv so now we have it on the tv so it takes us some time to figure things out i think i did i think that's probably what happened i think i did the show a few times where that was the case yeah you couldn't hear us right like now you can actually hear us no these are all the national parks i've been to

Speaker 2 it was it was it was like a thing i i'm i'm actually gonna redo this room i don't know i i was like trying to i was going to a lot of them and i would i was trying to think of a like a collectible to get and then I just started getting these like little things.

Speaker 2 Then I started hanging them up and I don't know. It looks kind of cool, but it's, it's time for a change.

Speaker 1 I like it. You're one of those guys.

Speaker 5 I do like the guys that have like the RVs with the 50 states on them and then they color in the 50 states. How many states do you think is an acceptable amount to start with?

Speaker 5 Because you can't get an RV and just have like North and South Dakota colored in. Right.

Speaker 2 You also have to have like a, I feel like you have to have a wide range of from a geographical perspective.

Speaker 2 like if you just have like the northeast colored in that looks stupid or you just have like california oregon and washington and the red you know like you have to have been like if you're from new york you have to have like gone to like montana and arizona and then you can like color the color you know what i mean i think 35 states it seems right are you to start with well yeah oh i don't know that's that's a lot of states no but i feel like if you do Like that that is a lot of states, but it also isn't.

Speaker 1 Like you can, you can kind of go through your head and be like, wait, I've been to like a lot more states. Maybe this is also the nature of our job.

Speaker 5 And also, the northeast, all the states are really close together.

Speaker 1 They're small. But, like, and then you're like, oh, okay, so I've been to Cleveland.
Oh, I've been to Florida. Oh, I went through, you know, Atlanta once.
I don't know. It just adds up fast.

Speaker 1 But again, this could be the nature of the job.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Anyway, this was my solution.
I didn't want to be the stickers on the back of the car or like the stickers on the Yeti.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't want to be that guy.

Speaker 1 Are you a big Zion guy?

Speaker 2 Zion National Park?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, yeah.
Yeah, absolutely. Okay, I was just wondering.

Speaker 1 I love Zion National. I think it's right.

Speaker 2 Let me figure out my...

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's right there.

Speaker 1 What about the player? I don't have this kid.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I famously said on this program that I was the original Zion. So I think those of us

Speaker 2 who played basketball during our careers where we were a little bit overweight.

Speaker 2 If you will, I think we have to stick together. We have to bond together.
So, of course, I'm a Zion guy.

Speaker 1 Shout out you, by the way. You had a post on your Instagram story the other day where you were like, anytime I feel bad about myself, I just look at 2014 Mark Titus.
And it actually is like

Speaker 1 the face app Snapchat. Like look at what everyone would look like if they were 100 pounds heavier.

Speaker 1 That might be the greatest picture to have in your back pocket because you're hot now, like very hot, which I'll just, I'll gas you up. We do that now.
But that.

Speaker 1 Like, you should have that on your refrigerator. It's incredible.

Speaker 2 I'm so proud of it.

Speaker 2 I had a bunch of people reach out to me because uh i i was going through i was getting rid of an old computer and i was digging up old pictures uh and trying to figure out which ones to save and which ones to get rid of and i just stumbled across a treasure trove of of pics of when i was fat and i did realize i was fat um like in the moment that's how it works is like you're just like i put on a little bit but i'm not that bad uh so anytime i come across those pictures it's hysterical i love it and i had people reach out to me and say like uh not that i was brave but it's like man that's crazy that you're you're willing to just do that i'm like what do you mean willing to do that that's like the greatest thing ever it's like the i mean it's like the greatest like to be like this is what i used to look like and now i don't look like this anymore uh i played it so beautifully because i i was fat in my 20s uh even i'm in better shape now than i was when i played basketball which is uh was really smart too because i i was kind of doughy when i played basketball as well so uh that is the standard i think people hold you to is like what you look like in your 20s and and all that and um i played it beautifully i lowered the bar very very low when i was like 25 and then now all i have to do is just like not eat like garbage.

Speaker 2 And people think I look great when really I just don't think it's really that. It's just, I just don't look like what I used to.

Speaker 1 No, you look great. You look great.
And you also have like the Cali tan, your hair. You've been wearing a lot of Hawaiian shirts.

Speaker 5 Oh, you're drinking water at like

Speaker 5 nine o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 1 Like you're doing all these things.

Speaker 5 That's the flex, though. Drinking like a big glass of water first thing in the morning.
That's a health. That's a major healthy person.

Speaker 1 That basically gets you on Joe Rogan's podcast as a scientist. Yeah.
Like, you know what I do? I chug water in the morning.

Speaker 5 My skin is great. That's that dude from Peloton, the CEO of Peloton.
Every morning, he goes to the sink, and he takes, I think, 40 handfuls of water and throws them into his mouth and gulps them down.

Speaker 1 That's his sink.

Speaker 5 That's when I knew it was time to get off the bike.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus. That's amazing.

Speaker 2 I don't have that yet.

Speaker 2 Give me a few more years in California, and I'll have like my

Speaker 2 thing that I do. I don't really have a thing yet.
I just kind of like, I don't know, I jog every so often. But yeah, I will have something where I'm like injecting kale into my veins or something.

Speaker 2 I'm not there yet. I don't have anything anything weird yet.

Speaker 5 You go outside and stare directly at the sun for 30 seconds every morning.

Speaker 1 Right as it's on your retinas.

Speaker 2 What is the difference of process between like having a guy? Because I imagine you guys didn't write anything down when I, when I said I would come on the show

Speaker 2 versus like someone that you're being pitched to come on and you, I don't know, and you don't know anything about them. You have no idea what to expect.

Speaker 2 What is your pro what's the difference of process there?

Speaker 5 Well, sometimes they ask us to write down sample questions and then we just totally make those up and we never and maybe we'll end up asking one out of like 30 questions that we so

Speaker 5 but that's just by coincidence that we do that so um occasionally we do that and then usually it's mostly just kelly or peggy or bookers um just being like hey do you want this person and us being like oh god it's another text from kelly again and then we ignore it for a while then she yells at hank and then we say yeah okay we'll take that person

Speaker 2 yeah pretty much that's the whole process One thing I could get better at that I could ask you guys for advice is when do you plug the energy drink that the guest has to plug?

Speaker 2 Like, is that out of the gate you do that do you like because i haven't gotten a natural you know you're you're you have someone on you want to talk about their career you want to talk about something interesting that you want you that that that they did that i don't know you have your list of questions and they're like all right so pivoting here it's uh your energy drink that you're uh that you're promoting uh what what's that about what it says here that you're in crypto what uh what is what is that about there are times yeah there are times where it is uh like we've had certain interviews and people will know exactly who we're talking talking about when we say these, but like, where it's just awkward.

Speaker 1 It's almost like the classic Dan Patrick when he had Matt Harvey on, and Matt Harvey refused to talk about anything but Qualcomm. There'll be some of those where you're like, this sucks.

Speaker 1 Like, you don't want to be here.

Speaker 2 I should do that sometime. That'd be a good bit for me to come out here and just like pitch something for the entire time.

Speaker 1 Like, let's get it back to Qualcomm.

Speaker 5 I'm just here to talk about broadband access. That's it.

Speaker 1 Let's get into it.

Speaker 5 But yeah, Rock and Refuel, actually, the A.J.

Speaker 1 Greenwood.

Speaker 5 See, sometimes it's actually funny because the guest will just constantly talk about the product, and it almost goes out the other end, and it becomes good again because it's so bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I should do that. That's a good bit.
I could try.

Speaker 1 All right, so I have a real basketball question. So the Clippers

Speaker 1 are probably,

Speaker 1 at the time of this taping, they're down 2-0. And I had the take that will eventually get to the point where people will be like, they just hate each other because it makes no sense.

Speaker 1 Obviously, Luca is incredible, and the Mavs are a good team, but it makes no sense that they could possibly be out of the playoffs again in the first, or last year was the second round, but first round.

Speaker 1 Do you think that it's a chemistry thing and being on teams your entire life at Ohio State and AAU? I don't know if everyone knows, but he played with Odin and Mike Conley, AAU.

Speaker 1 How much is the chemistry actually a real thing in basketball?

Speaker 2 Oh, it's a thing.

Speaker 2 I think the Clippers, though,

Speaker 2 I don't know if they really hate each other.

Speaker 2 When I watch the Clippers, it feels like they all want to have a chip on the shoulder, but they're kind of trying to just shortcut the chip on the shoulder situation where they're like, they, they, they, there's like a sense of entitlement.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It's like a false.

Speaker 2 It's so weird. And what I mean by that is like, the thing that stood out to me, I didn't watch it.
I was watching the Lakers game last night.

Speaker 1 Lakers fan, yep.

Speaker 2 I'm a die-hard Lakers fan, as we've discussed.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 Paul George crosses up Porzingis, and the Clippers' bench goes nuts, and they're pointing at Porzingas, and they're mocking Porzingas.

Speaker 2 And there's this whole attitude about how they're like the tough guys, but they're also down 2-0 and they've lost two games at home.

Speaker 2 And they were doing this last year, too, with chirping at Luca when they were playing the Mavs.

Speaker 2 They were chirping at Dame Lillard when he was at the free throw line. I just get the sense of like they all want to be chip on their shoulder, underdog.
Like, we're the team no one likes in LA,

Speaker 2 whatever, but they, but they don't actually play hard or care about the score. I, it, it, it's a bizarre deal.
I don't, I don't think they hate each other, they hate themselves.

Speaker 2 I think, like, I think everybody on that team keeps that kind of hate themselves.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I also, I, here's a take

Speaker 1 I'm gonna probably work on.

Speaker 1 It's not ready yet, but Kawhi just can't isn't built to be like the true alpha because he doesn't, you do at some point have to be the guy who like yells at your teammates and like, hey, go over here, do this, do that.

Speaker 1 And you could make the argument that with the Raptors, you know, the Spurs obviously were loaded for other reasons. They had different guys.

Speaker 1 But the Raptors, Kyle Lowry, was probably that guy for that team.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would agree with you, I guess.

Speaker 1 And Paul George is not that guy.

Speaker 1 So it's like they don't have that guy.

Speaker 5 If you wanted to get into the psychology of it, Paul George probably feels the need to stand up and try to be that guy because Kawhi is not as vocal as he should be or as vocal as a lot of other leaders are.

Speaker 5 But he also knows that Kawhi is way better than him. So when he tries to step in that leadership position, he's being like totally inauthentic, gets in his own head.

Speaker 2 That's what, yeah, that's what I'm saying. I feel like their trash talk is inauthentic.
That, that's the way I put it is inauthentic.

Speaker 2 It's like they have this brand in their head of like, this is the team we are. And it's very inauthentic.

Speaker 2 Even Ty Lou, like the way I, I haven't paid that much attention to the Clippers this year, but every time like a Ty Lou

Speaker 2 postgame press conference quote pops up on my timeline, I just roll my eyes at like how

Speaker 2 he's like trying to play a character of,

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't give a damn.
Like he feels like Ty Lou just says that a lot. Like, I don't give a damn what, what the haters think and what, it's like, okay, I don't,

Speaker 1 okay. Right.
He's like, who are you talking to right now?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Ty, what's going on?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 The Clippers,

Speaker 2 they've gotten kind of boring to me. I think it was more fun last year watching them flame out.
And this year, I'm not really surprised. And

Speaker 2 it's just, I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's not as fun.

Speaker 1 Last year was fun.

Speaker 2 Last year watching them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. There's hilarious.

Speaker 2 This year, it's just like kind of fun.

Speaker 1 It's depressing. It's sad and depressing.
And you're like, wait, this is, they really do suck, kind of. Yeah,

Speaker 1 when it's supposed to matter, they just suck. Yeah, it's, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I just, it's fun watching

Speaker 1 like a team and knowing that it's going to produce the most nuclear takes.

Speaker 1 Like, the Clippers are one of those teams where you have the star potential, you have the Paul George playoff P, which is a lightning rod, and you just know you're going to get the takes.

Speaker 2 but i guess my argument would be i think the nets are the new clippers because uh the clippers have gotten to the point now where there is no like arguing i don't think it's worth like hashing out they stink there's no two sides they just stink that's what i'm saying it's just depressing and you're just like yeah they stink you're not caught in an argument of like can they do it are they gonna be our is the is the chemistry going to work i don't know man they're still really talented so i still think they're gonna the the argument you just you don't really have arguments about i think the nets are the new clippers in that regard where like they're obviously very good, they're super talented, they're the favorites to win it, but can it work?

Speaker 2 Right, do they have production after the first three guys? And then now you can kind of argue about that. And like, is four guys,

Speaker 1 yeah, four guys. Sorry, I forgot, I forgot to make up.

Speaker 2 Um, is Kyrie nuts and is James Harden a little too? Like, you start to have, are can those three personalities mesh? Like, that's what the new Clippers are to me.

Speaker 1 Right, yeah, if you weren't get them out of here, if you were on the Nets, so if we took Joe Harris off the Nets and we put Mark Titus on it, in your peak, your your peak abilities yeah yeah how many points could you score

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 2 i i i mean i could hit open shots so i guess it comes down to that like i'd be good for like a couple threes a game okay sounds it sounds preposterous i know people listening are like you don't understand what goes into nba and and i do i get it like i would be very out of shape i could not guard anybody my my uh my always like whenever i think about these hypotheticals my thought is always like how long can i be on the court before people realize this guy doesn't belong on this court court right this guy this guy's and i feel like i could i could disguise it for like a minute or two where i would look i could cut you know i could cut hard off if they i would know where to be i would spot up in good position stuff uh defense i get burned a couple times but i blame it on my teammates and i'd just point you know and i think if you're watching you'd be like all right he got burned but like maybe there was supposed to be help there or something uh so i think i could disguise it for like two minutes but in all honesty i could hit open shots and i think like if you're playing with those three those three guys it's all you got to do is spot up in the corner so uh i'm good for like i go like two for seven from the three-point line uh just spotting up in the corner i think that's that's pretty good yeah yeah i think i go two for seven on defense did you ever pull this move when you tried to just like blend in pretend that you got blocked behind like a really good screen that you had trouble fighting your way through yeah that's why you weren't able to guard him yeah that's i was great at dying uh dying on screens uh that was a great defensive move also the uh let the guy blow by you and then try to poke it from behind move.

Speaker 1 You're going to scream when a guy goes up for a layup. That's also like ah.

Speaker 1 That's a quick one. The reach round.
I love doing that.

Speaker 5 That's an all-time, I'm completely gassed, but I'm going to make like the bare minimum effort.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 Right, right. I do that.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 A lot of bad charge attempts.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know. But dying on screens is a good one.
Dying on, because in my mind, when you're playing defense, if you get screened, that's basically just, that's a good out-of-jail free card.

Speaker 1 Yes, you can just, yeah, good offense.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it now falls on the rest of the team to do something about it. You're like, all right, my work here is done.

Speaker 1 I've been screened.

Speaker 5 So, what about what about the Midwest teams? You are Mr. Midwest after all.
Are you rooting for the Bucs?

Speaker 2 I think I'd have to be because the Bucks The Bucks have like college basketball vibes where it's like they're Virginia before Virginia won the title, or they're like Baylor, you know, where they're good every year, but they can't get over the the hump and people are counting them out.

Speaker 2 And I think like I'm cheering for them for that story because it's a small market.

Speaker 2 And yeah, and they play an ugly brand of basketball. And

Speaker 2 I would like to see them pulled off. I don't really know who I'm cheering for, though.
I am cheering for small markets in general. I want small markets in general.
I don't want Lakers' nets.

Speaker 1 I definitely don't want that. We're rooting for the nets just because of Blake Griffin and hoping that we get to like

Speaker 1 some in some way, like the first

Speaker 1 400 text messages that he sends are like not responded to, and then he sends like a text to us being like, hey, you want to come party with the team?

Speaker 2 I was going to say, yeah, the party.

Speaker 2 Have you guys ever done that? Like, PFT, you did that with the Caps, kind of?

Speaker 5 Yeah, with the Caps after the Stanley Cup.

Speaker 5 That was quite a night.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I did with the Blackhawks both 13 and 15. It was very fun.

Speaker 2 Very, very fun.

Speaker 2 I imagine.

Speaker 1 And the Cubs, actually, with Rizzo, but that was different because baseball is different.

Speaker 1 Baseball, the guys aren't friends the same way.

Speaker 2 But you weren't in Cleveland either, like the night of. I'm talking like the night of.

Speaker 1 No, I was. No, I was doing.

Speaker 1 I remember.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 With Dave. With Dave.

Speaker 2 I imagine NBA guys. I don't know.
Hockey guys can party.

Speaker 1 They can

Speaker 1 capture that party. By far the best.

Speaker 5 The scenario with the Caps was it was in Las Vegas and they didn't fly home. Usually the team that wins the Stanley Cup on the road, they'll get on a plane that night.

Speaker 5 They'll go back to their hometown. They'll party there, but they're like, we're in Vegas.
We're going to stay here. And that was, yeah, yeah, that was absolutely insane.

Speaker 2 Well, I tell you what, if the Nets are playing the Lakers and they clinch in L.A.,

Speaker 2 you guys got to come out to L.A. and then let me sneak into this party.

Speaker 1 Wait, we got to come out to L.A. and stay at your house and then hope that people...

Speaker 2 Play my house.

Speaker 2 We'll live stream all of us. We'll have Rosillo come over.
We'll all go to Rosillo's house and we'll just live stream the four of us staring at our phones waiting for Blake Griffin to text.

Speaker 1 I have a pretty good sense of like where I stand with some of our guests slash like celebrity athletes.

Speaker 1 I would say that there's a 0.000001% chance that Blake Griffin would ever text us after. And that's not a knock on Blake.

Speaker 1 I just know where I stand with him and I love him and I think he does consider us friends like this show and like all of us, but that would not happen.

Speaker 2 What if you reach out to him, though?

Speaker 1 I think he would give me

Speaker 1 the hand.

Speaker 1 The button one. Yeah, like I'd be like, hey, you want to go out? And he hit me with the ha.
Emphasis. And then it would just be, that would be it.
And I'd be like, okay, cool.

Speaker 5 We're not even his favorite podcast. So

Speaker 5 Dax is probably going to hang out with him after a while.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.
It's hurtful.

Speaker 5 Now,

Speaker 5 James Harden, that would be a fun guy to hang out with.

Speaker 2 Yes, that would be fun.

Speaker 1 That would be fun.

Speaker 5 He would be like J.R. Smith, except not putting on a show.
He just wouldn't put pants on for the next like.

Speaker 2 Who would be the least fun, like, of all the teams in the playoffs if they won?

Speaker 1 What would be the least fun team?

Speaker 2 You get asked to go out with them.

Speaker 2 You get to go party that night after they won the title, and you're like, I mean, the Clippers.

Speaker 1 I don't need to. Yeah,

Speaker 1 Paul George and like Kawhi standing in the corner.

Speaker 5 Patrick Beverly getting into fights with everybody.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sneaky, maybe most fun would be the Sixers. I think Joel Embiid would be so much fun to be on.

Speaker 2 Joelle and Bied would be a ton of fun.

Speaker 1 He seems like a guy who would be like, like, trying to... He seems like a a guy who would want everyone else to have as much fun as him.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. The Mavs,

Speaker 2 the idea of like Cuban and Luca, I don't know if that would be fun or not. I think

Speaker 2 it's one end of the spectrum, and I don't know if it's like the worst party ever or if it would like Luca would get after it and be a ton of fun to be around.

Speaker 5 What about the jazz? If you win in Salt Lake City.

Speaker 5 I guess you could turn it into a game and you could be like, we could realistically try to drink every ounce of alcohol in this entire city.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, the jazz would be, if I was making a list of like parties I could most likely get into, the jazz is probably at the top.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's probably

Speaker 1 the topic. Oh, I mean, the most fun is a no-brainer, the suns.
We'd all get our dicks sucked.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Which where Jake goes first, what would you go,

Speaker 1 Mark? Let's go around the room. I call third.

Speaker 1 I want third. I'll go last.
Okay, there we go, PFD.

Speaker 5 So Mark, third, Mike wanted to say he wanted to go last, but I could tell that he was embarrassed.

Speaker 1 You want second? You want the two-hole? Or the two-hole? You can.

Speaker 1 All right, we'll give Mark the two-hole, and then we'll just go Hank and Bubba four-five.

Speaker 1 Bubba battle cleanup? Yeah, he's yeah, Bubba four, Hank five, PFT six.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, that would by far be the like. I would imagine showing up to the Suns.
Imagine if Frank Kaminsky got us in the Suns party. We're like, so

Speaker 1 you know, who's a dick sucking? Jake Braddock's still icing his balls down.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 I think the Celtics wouldn't be fun either.

Speaker 2 The Celtics won.

Speaker 1 Should we talk about your boy?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, Brad Stevens, is he coaching for his job? Well,

Speaker 1 he is coaching for his job. He's not for his boy anymore.
He's not your boy anymore. But I thought Indiana didn't offer him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they didn't offer him, but at the same time, they offered him $70 million.

Speaker 2 And then he's like, what? They never offered me anything. And,

Speaker 2 Yeah, I I don't know I wish Brad well. I I I am from the Brad Stevens coaching tree He coached me when I was in second grade.
We we go way back

Speaker 2 So I I I will cheer for Brad, but

Speaker 2 the dream is dead. The dream is officially dead.
I came on the show. I tried to meme it into existence.
I tried to meme BradStevens.u, but I really do like Mike Woodson.

Speaker 2 Are you nervous yet, big cat, that like all the initial laughing at Mike Woodson is already

Speaker 2 already looking shaky.

Speaker 1 I told you, I'm nervous because of Thad Mata. Like, Mike Woodson does not make me nervous.
Thad Mata makes me nervous. Thad Mata is a great recruiter, and he knows how to build a program.
So

Speaker 1 he absolutely makes me nervous. And

Speaker 1 I'm more nervous about

Speaker 1 what the future is with Greg Gard than I am about, you know what I mean? It seems unstable.

Speaker 2 That seems fair, but he just got an extension, didn't he? So he'll be around for a little while. Yeah, good for you.
Yeah, a little more stable now.

Speaker 5 Gonna get back to Titus in a second.

Speaker 5 Man, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 7 When you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts. That's where Snickers comes in, man.

Speaker 7 That thing is packed: roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk, chocolate. It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 7 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this: Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 7 Snickers satisfies, man. That's a winning play.

Speaker 1 How long is Coach K going to coach for?

Speaker 2 Tate is

Speaker 2 very much on the.

Speaker 2 Tate put it in my ear that Coach K is going to do a farewell tour this year.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I haven't gotten out of my head since.

Speaker 1 And I don't know if Coach.

Speaker 5 Does he have any sources behind that? Or is he just

Speaker 1 say it? Hold on.

Speaker 5 And then it will happen like the secret. Hold on.

Speaker 1 Will it be year one? Because Coach K definitely is going to do a I will be retiring in 2025. Here's my last four years.
Everyone really soak it in.

Speaker 2 Well, also there's like imbalance scheduling in the ACC. So he wants to make sure that every ACC arena, he'll have a chance to get to everyone.
So he's not going to get to all of them this year, but

Speaker 2 next year we'll be able to get to all of them.

Speaker 2 No, Tate has.

Speaker 2 As is anything with Duke and Tate, like he's got sources, but also like you could, you could tell that guy anything that's like kind of bad about Duke. And

Speaker 2 he's just chomping at the bit. Like, yes, I accept it as fact.
Yeah, I'm running with this. So, he, he definitely has sources.
He has people that are, that, uh, said there's, there's a plan in place.

Speaker 2 Um, but also, I think

Speaker 2 he maybe didn't pay attention to the details. He just heard Coach Cage retiring in this room.

Speaker 2 Yeah, interesting, but he said it out loud, and I listened to him make the case, and I was like, that makes a ton of sense. All he really wanted to do was outlast Roy.
Roy retired.

Speaker 2 I really do think, like, it's going to be interesting with all these old guys in college basketball because

Speaker 2 the game as as you guys are are probably aware is like it college basketball is almost uh unrecognizable in terms of like how you construct a team than it was even like 10 years ago yeah uh and it wouldn't surprise me if all these old guys just do what k or not k what roy did where they just like wake up one day and they're like i don't I don't want to do this.

Speaker 2 This is insane. I don't want to like get into it.
I don't even know how to log on to the transfer portal.

Speaker 1 I don't want to do this. And now I'm like,

Speaker 2 you know, you used to like, if you're Jim Bayheim, you're trying to recruit a guy to go to Syracuse instead of Duke.

Speaker 2 And now you have to recruit guys to not go to the overtime league, to not go like really like a prep school, to not like go to Australia.

Speaker 5 He's running out of sons. That's his most effective recruiting.

Speaker 2 I think you get to a point where maybe Bayheim, you know, I don't know.

Speaker 1 He wakes up one day and his car's on. He's like, how do I end up here? And

Speaker 1 he's like, I should probably retire. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He is kind of hysterical. He gets so bad when we make those fucking jokes.
He gets so bad.

Speaker 5 Yeah, because Buddy and Jimmy are awesome.

Speaker 1 Shout out to AWL. Yeah, shout out Buddy and Jimmy.
We love Buddy and Jimmy. I like Jim Boeheim.
He's old school.

Speaker 2 Here's another great question. Who's someone that confirmed, listened, so part of my take all the time?

Speaker 2 Huge AWL in the world of sports, an athlete, a coach, or whatever, where you're like, that's cool. You listen to the show.
Still fuck you.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a good question. I don't care.
I'm not going to.

Speaker 1 I don't care.

Speaker 5 You're just not going to make sure that you're going to try and get us into a lot of trouble.

Speaker 1 I think there are definitely some. We've gotten a little bit better because I know at the beginning.

Speaker 1 So at the beginning, we would take pretty much any interview, and I think we did turn some people that we would make fun of, and then it's like, oh, we've lost those people.

Speaker 1 Now we're getting a little more conscious of like, like Dude Perfect, for example. I bet you if we wanted to get Dude Perfect on the show, we could.
Oh, easy.

Speaker 1 But we would never do it because then we can't make fun of them.

Speaker 5 Easy answer. Bryson DeChambo.
Yeah. He listened to the listen to the podcast.
Yes, he's listening.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. He was listening on the range.
Yes. He listened.

Speaker 2 And he hates this guy.

Speaker 1 And we fucking hate him. Yeah, so still fuck that guy.

Speaker 5 Hey, Bryson, fuck you. I bet,

Speaker 1 do you think,

Speaker 1 and this could go for your podcast too, Titus, like who,

Speaker 1 let's not say listener, but they are aware of it or it has been on at some point with them in the vicinity that you'd be like, whoa, that's awesome. Like, like, we know that,

Speaker 1 like, Tom Brady has heard this podcast because Julian Edelman has like played it in the car. You know what I mean? Like, something like that.

Speaker 1 Like, Tom Brady's not a listener, but he knows of our existence. Like do you think LeBron has ever had a podcast with Mark Titus on it? Like

Speaker 1 it's in a lot. I don't know where it'd be.
I don't think you'd listen to podcasts in a locker room. But is he aware?

Speaker 2 I think I'm at a perfect level where I have enough of an audience that I can make a living doing this and

Speaker 2 I can not worry about like where next month's rent's going to come from and all that kind of stuff. But I'm also at like, I'm not you guys.
So

Speaker 2 if you google sports podcast if you're a look because like lebron lebron you know that he just googles sports podcasts that's how lebron consumes all of his media when it comes time to read a book he just says like what are the best books oh the godfather i'm gonna pick that one up and read page one um

Speaker 2 so i i feel like i'm at a great level where like you don't really stumble across my show so you have to kind of seek it out so i'm not really i don't i don't think I don't anticipate a lot of the heavy hitters are listening.

Speaker 2 But the one thing that like trips me out. So I think like that for my world, it would be like college coaches.
Right. And I know that Tom Izzo is aware of our show.

Speaker 2 Right. And he definitely does not listen to it.
But like I met Tom, the first time I ever met Tom Izzo, I was, I was throwing out this theory. This is all the way back in 2016.

Speaker 2 Denzel Valentine was on Michigan State. He was, he was first team all-American.

Speaker 2 Michigan State was ranked like number one in the country or number two, something like that, really early out of the gate. They were playing out of their minds.

Speaker 2 Bryn Forbes was on the team too, who just had a great game for the Bucs.

Speaker 2 And they were awesome. And then Denzel Valentine suddenly has to get his knee scoped and he's out for like two weeks or something.
And then Michigan State starts losing a couple games.

Speaker 2 They're not playing that well. And I threw out this theory that Denzel Valentine faked his knee injury, that Tom Mizzo told him we're peaking too soon and we need you to sit out for a couple weeks.

Speaker 2 Because when Denzel Valentine comes back from his knee injury, he's 100%. He's dunking on people.
He's explosive, all that stuff. So I had this theory that Denzel Valentine faked his knee injury.

Speaker 2 I was demanding to see the scars on his knee, that he actually got it scoped, all this kind of stuff. Tom Izzo gets asked about in a press conference.

Speaker 2 Someone raises their hand is like, Tom, what do you have to say about the theory that Denzel never actually had a knee scope and you just benched him for two weeks to, because you guys were peeking too soon?

Speaker 2 He's like, what? What the hell is going on? Fast forward like a week, Michigan State's playing at Ohio State. I'm working out at the shot with Greg Odin.

Speaker 2 And we're coming down the stairs from the weight room or something.

Speaker 2 And Izzo sees Greg and because the team bus is pulling in to like go warm up or something he sees greg he's like oh big man whatever gives him uh daps him up starts talking to him uh good to see you again how's life all that stuff and he turns to me and he goes i'm tom is and i was like hey coach mark titus and he goes you're the guy and he puts me in a big uh headlock and starts giving me a noogie and uh i'll never forget that moment i was like oh my god like some some of this bullshit i do on the internet like reaches these coaches which is uh wild to me so that was definitely that was definitely a moment for me but like i would say someone of that

Speaker 2 Like if Izzo, like Huggins, if Huggins mentions like at a post-game press conference, he's like, you know, you know, these guys out here with these podcasts, Titus and the Titus is the world.

Speaker 2 I would, I would shit my pants. I'd have to retire, I think, you know.

Speaker 5 Well, I think you're selling yourself short a little bit because, yeah, you maybe not in like the podcast format, but you're so hot, you probably get all the YouTube views.

Speaker 5 So we probably do very poorly on YouTube compared to you. We've got, what, faces for podcasting and voices for blogging.

Speaker 1 You have a TV guy. You have a face message.

Speaker 2 I'm a TV guy. Yeah, I'm a TV guy on YouTube.

Speaker 2 Tom Crean reached out to me one time.

Speaker 2 He called me, and I'll never forget that phone call when he just called. He's like, Do you have a problem with me? This is how he started the phone call.

Speaker 5 Like, do you have a problem?

Speaker 2 Like, are you obsessed with me?

Speaker 1 And I was like, yeah, kind of.

Speaker 1 Sort of. Yeah.
No, I mean, sort of.

Speaker 5 He just takes like a guy holding a mirror like that to you to be like, yeah,

Speaker 1 I think this is the me problem.

Speaker 1 And Tom Creen is the perfect example of a guy who we interviewed and we're like, wow, I feel like an asshole because you are a really nice guy who genuinely cares about the kids and genuinely wants to do well and just things didn't go well for a couple of years.

Speaker 2 He's still really weird. I think if you're Tom Creen, you have to understand that.
You have to understand at a certain point that, I don't know, you have to be self-deprecating.

Speaker 2 You have to understand that there's stuff about you that people are just going to make fun of.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's also like you can't, not everyone can be John Harbaugh. There's some Jim Harbaughs.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like that's kind of how it, how you break it down where it's like, if you can figure out that like, hey, I'm a little weird, or can you just, you're just kind of going to be a little weird and let the chips fall.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is there someone that you made fun of all the time and then

Speaker 2 you found out they listened to the show or they came on the show? I made it with Korean the answer, I guess, like that, like, I guess like if Rick Bettino

Speaker 2 replied to you guys and was like, love the show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love Rick. No, we're big Rick fans.

Speaker 1 You know that I have a stalker. Yeah, I know.
Yeah, okay, all right.

Speaker 1 So we love Rick.

Speaker 5 We have always loved Rick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we've never said anything bad about Rick.

Speaker 5 Always loved Kwame Brown, too.

Speaker 1 There was a time when I felt a little bad about the JJ Watt because, like, he, I think he said to us, he was like, yeah, my, my grandmother

Speaker 1 would read all the comments on all my tweets, and I'd be like, okay, yeah, you know, that does humanize it a little bit. But, yeah, you just gotta

Speaker 1 to fight through it and just be like, I'm just going to keep being an asshole.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because you don't want to wake up and be like Wilbon, you know, where you're just like my close personal friend with every single athlete.

Speaker 2 You got to make fun of some of these guys.

Speaker 5 Sean McVay was another one, too. So Sean McVay met him at the combine, and he was like, hey, you guys certainly take a lot of shots about my facial hair.
What's up with that?

Speaker 5 And at that point, I was actually like, I need to go harder at his facial hair now because Sean McVay should not care what me, the person with the world's worst facial hair, right, has to say about his beard all the time, right?

Speaker 1 But I think we've done a good enough job where it's like, there's definitely a camp of guys, probably a dozen guys who I would consider like friends, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And I like, I'll defend them forever. And then the rest are just like, we're friendly with them, but they know that, like, we still have to do a show.
Yeah. Like, we still make fun of J.J.
Watt.

Speaker 1 He's in that second category of like, I, he's, we're friendly with him.

Speaker 2 I would never say anything like overtly mean at this point, but I still still will say like he's he can be very lame yeah yeah and he has to yeah i think those those are my favorite guys like they have they they might be lame but i guess they understand

Speaker 2 um that yeah you have to do a show and they're like i get it i would make fun of me too whatever like i feel like the college basketball version of that is uh muscleman that he's like he he's he just does memes and and and is kind of out of his mind in a lot of ways and i guess if you like make jokes about him about that he's like yeah man love love the show.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 he's a go-with-the-flow. He understands, like,

Speaker 2 he understands the content game.

Speaker 1 Taking yourself too seriously is a very good way to turn people off. Right, right.

Speaker 5 I've actually noticed this about Muss is recently, he's been about, I think, six or seven days behind on PMT because he'll reply to like our podcast with like quotes from the podcast that came out like last Tuesday.

Speaker 5 I can confirm that because this would be a good test. So, Muss, when you're hearing this, tweet at us, tweet this quote directly back back at us so we can time this up.

Speaker 1 He, that's actually a confirmed fact because uh, Anthony, who his right-hand man, who I'm friends with, said uh, like yesterday, said, like, Muscle, Musk loves the Dan Campbell interview.

Speaker 1 So, I was like, okay, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 Like, he loved it.

Speaker 2 Uh, uh, yeah, he's gonna be like, I love Titus on PMT. Yeah, yeah, that was fun.
And then he's gonna like mention something from me coming on in March or something.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 5 are you uh, are you going to the Indy 500 this weekend?

Speaker 2 I'm not. It's sad.

Speaker 2 I went every year for, God, I don't know how many or 20 years, something like that. I grew up going to the race.

Speaker 2 I transitioned from like sitting by the pits with my dad and watching them work on the cars and all that stuff. And then I reached a certain age and I wanted to go to the infield and do that scene.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I went every year. Obviously, last year we didn't go.
They didn't have fans. This year I was so excited to go back.
And then they announced that there's no infield seating.

Speaker 2 And you have to, to like if you go to the race my understanding is you have to sit in the stands it's like 60 capacity and wear a mask and it just wasn't worth it that's not the race that's not the race can you explain how i'm not going can you explain to us because we're big f1 guys can you explain like indie car racing to us in terms of f1 well first of all they go faster so uh that's a little basic f1 you mean no no no no no indie car

Speaker 2 but there are a lot of turn twists and turns how many kilometers right how many kilometers does the indie go So it's a little lame to cheer, to watch the slower cars, but I understand.

Speaker 2 The Indy fight is a little bit more.

Speaker 1 It's like watching college basketball instead of NBA. Right, right.

Speaker 1 Oh, you walked into that.

Speaker 1 You did. It probably kind of is.
It probably is, because if you're making the argument about Formula One, you'd be like, you know,

Speaker 2 the crowds are better.

Speaker 1 There's more of a culture there. There's more of a.
It really is. It kind of is.
It really is college basketball.

Speaker 2 In that regard,

Speaker 2 I have no rebuttal. Go watch Formula One.
It's better.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 2 The hook for the ND500 is largest sporting venue in the world, IMS. You guys have been.
Yes.

Speaker 2 You guys walked around.

Speaker 1 You saved your brother's life.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you did.

Speaker 2 Where would my brother be if he couldn't crash in the

Speaker 2 barstool RV?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Wait, so keep going. Indy 500.
Yeah, it does.

Speaker 2 Yeah, largest venue in the world, largest single day, not this year, but under normal circumstances, largest single day crowd for a sporting event anywhere in the world.

Speaker 2 You will not find a sporting event where more people for one day go to one spot to watch a sporting event than the Indy 500.

Speaker 2 And beyond like the party scene, which is,

Speaker 2 it's a party. There's no better party scene for sports.
I know the Derby gets wild, but the Indy 500 is the Derby, but it's bigger.

Speaker 2 And also, you can bring your own alcohol into the track, which you can't do at Churchill Downs.

Speaker 2 And then on top of all that, even beyond the party and the atmosphere and all that, the race is awesome because it really is like it's an engineering marvel that these guys are going this fast.

Speaker 2 The track is basically flat, so they're just like going into turns, going 230 miles an hour, and they have to kind of break and not hit each other and turn. And it's wild.
It's wild.

Speaker 2 So, if did you guys go to the race? Did you actually go to the race? Were you just kind of there for the scene?

Speaker 1 I know we were there for the scene. I left.

Speaker 5 Did you see the showed up there? You got to see the vodka with Fuzzy Zeller and left. Oh, that's right.

Speaker 2 Did you see the

Speaker 2 cars cars go around, though? Like, how fast they go? What are they?

Speaker 1 Are they like their cars and they go fast?

Speaker 1 Huh, that's interesting. It's really just a story event for five-year-olds.

Speaker 2 No, I was going to say on the

Speaker 1 car. Oh, my God.
My son would love it. Car.
Whoa, car.

Speaker 1 Car.

Speaker 2 That backfired. I was going to say when you're there and you watch the cars go, like, you get an appreciation for how fast they're going because they, you know, it's.

Speaker 1 They're going fast.

Speaker 1 You've done a great job of selling this have you seen by the way there was um a story and i don't really understand the details of it but your good friend dan dockic is working for door dash yeah um

Speaker 2 i

Speaker 2 yeah that's a wild story that's a wild story uh i will i will again i'm gonna can we go back to the taiwan thing i'll talk about yeah that was probably easier than

Speaker 1 oh my god

Speaker 5 i would love to hear dockic's takes on on uh the people's republic of china order a pizza or something

Speaker 1 let's talk about

Speaker 2 If you call in a doc at your show and ask him about Taiwan,

Speaker 2 he would just Google Taiwan as you're asking a question. And then he would just be skimming the Wikipedia page and just firing off takes with the most confidence in the world.

Speaker 2 Here's my thoughts.

Speaker 1 It's just damn common sense. It's a bigger country.
You should own Taiwan.

Speaker 2 My thing is this.

Speaker 1 If you're an island,

Speaker 2 if you're an island, you shouldn't belong. Like Hawaii, you should be your own country.

Speaker 1 If you're an island.

Speaker 1 All right, I had one last question for you.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 the Ringer Union.

Speaker 1 Damn it.

Speaker 2 I started. People don't know this.
This is a true story.

Speaker 2 I don't know why I'm telling you this. I might get in trouble for it, but this is a true story.
I actually started the Ringer Union and then left.

Speaker 2 And that was the plan all along, was that I was going to light a stick of dynamite, drop it in the ringer and then bounce and go to fox and let everyone else deal with it so i recruited everybody to join the union i was going around with a clipboard and a signup sheet

Speaker 2 i presented i had and then i walked into bill's office and i had two pieces of paper and one was the the union where we had enough signatures to actually form a union and the other was my resignation letter and uh and then i walked out and uh

Speaker 5 take a miser so you're gonna meet both of them i love it uh i have one last last question are you a ohio state apologist like through and through? Like Urban Meyer, good guy?

Speaker 5 Yeah, he did everything he could.

Speaker 1 No, no. He did everything he could.

Speaker 2 That's another deal that you're trying to, like, Dan is trying to get me to get up.

Speaker 2 I'm not an Urban Meyer fan. I was never an Urban Meyer fan.
I was a fan of Urban.

Speaker 1 You're a fan of his results.

Speaker 2 I was a fan of his results. Yeah.
Like, I was definitely a hypocrite in that I was like, I will take all of the winning. But the guy, like, he was a mercenary and I knew that.

Speaker 2 And like, he, he was using Ohio State to, he was LeBron. Urban Meyer and LeBron were the the same person.
I was like, I'm going to use this to get what I need out of it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to use the state of Ohio. And then once I get what I need, I'm gone.
And that, that's that. And I saw through it.
I'm a Jim Tressel guy.

Speaker 2 Tressel is the greatest.

Speaker 5 Big punk guy.

Speaker 2 He is unbelievable.

Speaker 2 He's a guy that like genuinely cares and genuinely gets it. And so that's like urban, the way Urban handled things.
at Ohio State was like polar opposite.

Speaker 2 Just in talking to like people that dealt with, I knew people that played football at Ohio State. This is a true story.

Speaker 2 I know people that played for urban mire ohio state that were starters for ohio state and urban meyer did not know their name

Speaker 2 i swear to god just they started they started football games at ohio state and urban meyer did not know their name

Speaker 1 yes i mean pathetic yeah i mean so once you hear that you're like i i mean i'm not gonna like bend over backwards defending the guy and cheer for him but at the same time like i do love that we kick everyone's ass so i'm not gonna you know i'm not gonna like protest and be like i'm done with oh state football like i'm yeah dumb in a while It's really your Urban Meier fandom can be summed up if you ask, like, hey, Mark Titus, uh, at what cost would you have for a national title?

Speaker 1 And your cost would be like, uh, you know, domestic violence and human beings being

Speaker 1 significantly hurt and emotionally psychology, you know, all these things. Tattoos, tattoos, all these things.

Speaker 1 That's your cost. Everyone's got a cost.

Speaker 5 That was trestle.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what

Speaker 1 Tatus

Speaker 1 Tattoos.

Speaker 2 Domestic abuse, tattoos. It's all the same.

Speaker 5 Or like Rascilla when he's like, I don't like Trump, but the tax breaks are pretty nice.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 2 speaking of Ohio State football, the one thing I wanted to talk about before we get out of here, Dan,

Speaker 2 walk me through the Justin Fields experience

Speaker 2 with the Bears now, because

Speaker 2 I feel like you're not as excited about this as you should be.

Speaker 1 No, I'm more than excited.

Speaker 2 Okay, because i i get a sense from you that you're like i don't want to be too excited because i've been down this road before uh i have i have

Speaker 2 i i gotta be honest i'm justin fields is my favorite ohio state player of all time it was branching mill justin fields came along i love everything about the guy i he he is so easy to root for he he uh i i i loved watching that guy play football um and I think I've reached a point where I'm going to be a Bears fan because I don't really cheer for an NFL team.

Speaker 2 I watch all the

Speaker 2 NFL games, but I'm going to be be a Bears fan because Justin Fields having success in the NFL is good for Ohio State, obviously.

Speaker 2 Like the moment he's drafted, everyone says Ohio State can't produce good quarterbacks. But my question to you, Dan, is what happens?

Speaker 2 Like if Justin Fields is successful, is this more of a win for Ohio State or for the Chicago Bears' history of quarterbacks? You know what I mean? Oh, who gets to be like.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can't make fun of our quarterbacks anymore.

Speaker 1 I think we do like a press conference together.

Speaker 2 We do a joint press conference.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're like, hey,

Speaker 1 everyone, like, when you bring up quarterbacks, Justin Fields is the only one you should bring up. I'm

Speaker 1 handshake me. Yeah,

Speaker 1 exactly.

Speaker 5 It's Bears fans and then Ohio State fans, and the Ohio State fan has a free tattoo on his piece.

Speaker 1 Right, exactly. Exactly.
And the Bears fans has a few broken fingers, and it's like, this is this quarterback, this quarterback, this Craig Krenzel. I am over the moon.

Speaker 1 The only thing that I'm tempering my expectations is, I know that Matt Nagy is not going to start him week one. So I have to, like, I want him to start right away.

Speaker 1 I want, I want, I want to jump right in. I want to do the thing.
I don't want to watch Andy Dalton on Sunday night football. Nice guy.
Seems like a nice guy. Nice family.

Speaker 1 He was on the, you know, we interviewed him. I really just want to start this era because I really do think he is special.
And here's the thing.

Speaker 1 I'm at the point, too, that if it fails, I might just, it might just be done. I might be done.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 With everything. Well, that's my fear.
So how does it fail? Like, what,

Speaker 2 I know the Bears aren't the greatest organization, but it's it a lot of the problems with nfl commentary is that like as a guy who doesn't really get into the weeds and pay that much attention is it just feels like it's just it's it's all just sort of this like if you're not one of like four franchises that like actually knows what the hell you're doing It feels like everyone just says LOL Browns, LOL Jets, LOL Bears, and you're like, okay, but what's the difference between the Jets and the Bears and the Lions and the Browns?

Speaker 2 So what is the Bears situation? How is this going to go? What should I be prepared for as I'm diving in, ready to cheer for Justin?

Speaker 1 The Bears are a cheap franchise in that they're like

Speaker 1 the Jets, those guys have money, right? Like, so their problem isn't that they don't have money and that they're not trying to spend away their problems. They're just incompetent.

Speaker 1 The Bears, the McCaskies,

Speaker 1 all their money is tied up in the Bears because it's the family

Speaker 1 heir, right? So they don't have, they weren't like a big businessman or businesswoman and then became the Bears owners.

Speaker 1 They they have just been the bears owners so like an accountant runs the fucking team and they do shit where it's like all right well we'll keep this coach or you know we won't have as many scouts or like we won't upgrade this our injuries all these things so they're just they're not they just want to basically sell 1985 memorabilia and be like hey every five to ten years the bears will win a couple playoff games and be like Bears are back.

Speaker 1 Bears are back. And I fall into it.
We all fall into it. You do? That's fine.

Speaker 1 I could deliver that. Yeah.
So that's how it's going to fail. And it will just fail and it will be epic.
But I don't think it's going to fail.

Speaker 5 Jay Cutler just said today I wouldn't play Justin Fields to start. He said I would let him watch.
It's a tough spot, especially in Chicago. I think Andy Dalton is more than serviceable.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I think

Speaker 1 that's more than serviceable. Yeah, that's a glowing annoyance.

Speaker 1 More than serviceable.

Speaker 2 You have a guy on the bench that the whole city's foaming at the mouth to see.

Speaker 1 More than serviceable.

Speaker 2 Or the guy that's more than serviceable.

Speaker 5 I do think that you have to say all of these things.

Speaker 5 I hope that the Bears are saying saying all these things and secretly, like, not meaning it, and they're just going to, you know, operate under the assumption that he will be starting week one.

Speaker 5 But you can't have him go into like his first offseason, or not even his first offseason, his first training camp, his first OTA with the pressure being like, this is going to be the guy.

Speaker 1 And the Bears are doing a thing. So the perfect explanation is Ryan Pace has now had.

Speaker 1 So he drafted, he traded for Mike Glennon, or signed Mike Glennon, drafted Mitch Trubisky, got Nick Foles, got Andy Dalton, got Justin Fields. He's had five quarterbacks.

Speaker 1 The OGM gets five quarterbacks, right? Yeah. And he's had two head coaches.
He's had five quarterbacks. And the Bears are like, well, let's let him just do this draft.
So now he gets Justin Fields.

Speaker 1 So, so even if Justin Fields is good, then that means that Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy keep their jobs, which they're probably not very fit for their jobs. So then the cycle continues like that.

Speaker 5 I get you.

Speaker 1 I got you. It's stupidity.

Speaker 2 That's okay.

Speaker 1 Well.

Speaker 1 But welcome. Welcome.
We're glad to have you. We're glad to have you.

Speaker 2 This will be fun.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's going to work. And if it doesn't, like you said,

Speaker 2 we're blaming it. I just want to get out ahead of it.

Speaker 1 I'll just jump in front of a bus.

Speaker 2 If Justin Fields in Chicago does not work out,

Speaker 2 it is the Bears' fault. Do not blame this on Ohio State quarterbacks.

Speaker 2 Put that one in the Bears.

Speaker 2 Don't blame Justin Fields. That's all I'm about.
Don't blame Georgia.

Speaker 5 The Mansfields.

Speaker 1 That's an easy one.

Speaker 2 You blame Georgia. Yes.

Speaker 5 And I mean, Titus, you just, I mean, you referred to LeBron and Urban Meyer as mercenaries. Justin Justin Fields died in the wool.

Speaker 1 Ohio State guy.

Speaker 2 No, no, Justin Fields loves Ohio State.

Speaker 2 And also, so did Joe Burrow. Joe Burrow is also an Ohio State guy.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 I mean, you could do that.

Speaker 2 We had Joe Burrow and we get Justin Fields. That's how it works.

Speaker 2 No, I love that that's the future of college sports, though.

Speaker 2 Tate and I have thrown around an idea of

Speaker 2 doing an off-season show where we like decide who gets to claim which players.

Speaker 2 Because there's the more transfers that are happening, it's more the the waters are are muddy about I Yeah, I mean, I love doing that.

Speaker 1 I I always have people just replying like Russell Wilson went to Russell Wilson.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it's like, okay, well, I'm claiming him. Yeah, we should we should do like a draft.

Speaker 5 You get to do a draft.

Speaker 1 Right. It should be just by conference.
Like, who's who are these guys? Maybe like in five years when more transfers happen, we'll have enough. We'll have enough where we can do a full-on draft.

Speaker 1 And like, who gets these people?

Speaker 5 A reverse draft where colleges take players from the pros and claim them, yeah.

Speaker 2 You're recruiting, you're recruiting them back to your college

Speaker 2 for the legacy, but that stuff matters in basketball, at least.

Speaker 2 Like, the which uh, I would love LeBron to do a recruitment where he like picks which school he would have gone to for real, and like he has to stick with it instead of saying, like, I was definitely going to Ohio State and Duke.

Speaker 2 And I mean, Kobe did the same thing where he just said whatever school. Um, I love that idea of you have to re-recruit the pros and get it back, and then now you can use them for recruiting purposes.

Speaker 5 I also want you to know you said something brilliant earlier earlier here, and you could honestly make this a full-time podcast, is just

Speaker 5 whether or not, like, LeBron James or Urban Meyer is the bigger Ohio vampire. Like, which one of these is the bigger locust that just used our state and left?

Speaker 5 That right there, that could fuel at least a month of first take.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, people are going to throw me on there. They're going to be like, Titus, you're not even from Ohio.
You lived there for a little while.

Speaker 2 You made Ohio State basketball your brand, and then you moved to California.

Speaker 5 So I mean, you said it.

Speaker 1 I bet you look in the mirror. Yeah, but you look.
Look in the mirror. Yeah, look in the mirror, and you see a hot dude.
Like, that's just guys gassing each other up.

Speaker 2 You guys look great, too, by the way. Oh, thanks.

Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 5 It took us five times of complimenting to finally reciprocate.

Speaker 1 By the way, the sneaky last thing,

Speaker 1 my favorite thing that, like, I don't know why this started, but

Speaker 1 Stanford, Steve, and I, I think, oh, it's because of the wings. We were trying to get wings in a Final Four like three years ago.
So it was me, Stanford, Steve, and I was in the forest.

Speaker 2 It was one of those stories where everyone thinks they're right and that's what makes it so funny it's like neither none of us are backing down that you you and steve uh it was like 1 30 a.m he has my back yeah and yeah yeah and it was just like a difference of lifestyle because i was i have no idea i was in i was in

Speaker 2 yeah he was in hong kong so yeah we were at the final four and it's like 1 a.m but it's very very late and and the we're I don't know, it's late for us old dudes. And

Speaker 2 the scene is winding down. And you and Steve are talking about going to get wings tomorrow.

Speaker 1 You made a date.

Speaker 2 And yeah, you made a date. You're like, at noon tomorrow, we're going to go to this place to get wings.
And like, you're like, I heard this place is the best wing place in Minnesota.

Speaker 2 And then you guys invited me. You're like, Titus, you want to go get wings at this place that has the best wings in Minneapolis? And seeing you two alphas.

Speaker 2 Just like the stature that you, I don't know. The whole, it was the most intimidating thing I've ever seen in my life because I have never once in my life, quote unquote, gone to get wings.

Speaker 2 You just like,

Speaker 2 go to a restaurant and then you order wings while you're there. No.
Or like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I do pay it to you.

Speaker 5 Mark, tell me you're casual without telling me you're casual.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we were making plans. We were literally like, all right, see you tomorrow.
Like, let's meet at this place tomorrow.

Speaker 5 I do that typically like once every two weeks.

Speaker 1 I make a wing dinner.

Speaker 1 Matter of fact,

Speaker 5 my last meal that I had at a restaurant before the pandemic closed everything down was on a wing lunch with your co-host, Charlotte Wilder, at Buffalo Wild Wings in Times Square.

Speaker 5 That was my last meal before they closed down the entire city.

Speaker 2 I'm not anti-wings. I eat wings.

Speaker 2 I go to get wings. It was the like,

Speaker 2 the way it would go down with me and my friends is I'd say, hey, you want to grab lunch tomorrow? And then you're like, yeah, let's grab lunch.

Speaker 1 Let's figure it out.

Speaker 2 Then maybe the day of, you're like, what do you think? And you're like, I'm in the mood for wings. Let's go to B-Word or let's go wherever.
We don't say like the night before.

Speaker 2 All right, on my schedule, we are going to get wings.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 And so that whole, that whole invitation intimidated the hell out of me. And then you and Steve have mocked me ever since.

Speaker 1 You encourage me, mock. I actually think we made that we like a week before when it was like usually Steve and I are like, hey, you're going to this event? You going to this event?

Speaker 1 He's like, hey, you're going to the final four. I'm like, yeah, he's like, all right, we got to get wings.
Like, yeah.

Speaker 5 You're talking about wings like it's Netflix and chill. We'll see what happens.
Come over. Yeah.
Like, we're talking about wings. Like, we have a gangbang scheduled for next weekend.

Speaker 5 Show up seven o'clock sharp.

Speaker 5 No latex.

Speaker 2 Yes. And I was not aware of

Speaker 2 this

Speaker 2 lifestyle.

Speaker 2 Is there anything else that you do that with? Is there any other food?

Speaker 2 I don't want this to happen again. Steaks?

Speaker 5 Ice cream.

Speaker 1 Ice cream?

Speaker 5 Go get some ice cream next weekend? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would say steaks. I would be like, yeah, well, let's go get a steak tomorrow night.

Speaker 2 Steaks. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah, you plan it out.
But wings is definitely, like, that's an event because you also plan your whole day around it. Pre-tum, tum,

Speaker 1 like, gotta sit in your hotel room with the AC on and maybe take a shit with your shirt off.

Speaker 2 I just want to make it clear so everyone listening doesn't get the wrong idea. Like, I will go get wings.
I will put down a big plate of wings.

Speaker 2 I can hang with the fellas.

Speaker 2 I'm not John Rossin, where I asked Rossin, like, what's your B-dubs already? He's like, never. I don't.

Speaker 1 Barcosa. Barcosa.
Carry style. Yeah.
Changed your life.

Speaker 1 But anyway.

Speaker 2 No, I asked Rostein one time, what do you get at B-dubs? He's like, I've never been.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm not surprised.

Speaker 2 I'm not, like, I can hang hang with the fellas. I'm one of the guys.

Speaker 1 It sounds like it. When you say

Speaker 5 the entire plate of wings, I imagine you're talking like 12.

Speaker 2 Definitely boneless. Definitely.

Speaker 1 The only reason I want to bring that up, though, and this is, I've never said this out loud to Mark, but for some reason, Steve,

Speaker 1 every time he texts that thread from like three years ago, he always spells Mark's name with a C, and it cracks me up every time. I don't know why.

Speaker 1 It's the dumbest thing ever, but it makes me laugh every time to just get your name wrong like that.

Speaker 1 And it's just, I, again, this is, this is for no one at this point, but just saying out loud, Mark, I think it's very funny that he does.

Speaker 2 I've also done the, it just reeks of desperation. I think you guys can smell it, which is why it doesn't work.
But every so often I try to readjust the

Speaker 2 order of the group chat with the three of us, where instead of you guys ganging up on me, I try to get like Dan on my side to like gang up on Steve or Steve on my side.

Speaker 1 It doesn't work. Because we're wing bros.

Speaker 1 It started because of wings and that's how it always works.

Speaker 5 Mark with a K gets wings. Mark with a C, he's like, can we just do some wraps?

Speaker 1 Do you have a buffalo chicken wrap?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I smoke cigarettes.
It's like, I skip meals and I'm French.

Speaker 1 You know, Mark with a C smokes cloves. You're like, no, you got to try it.
It's really, it tastes really great. They're just like cigarettes.

Speaker 1 Look at you just pounding that water.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 All right. This has been awesome.
Oh, God. We love you.
um and we hopefully will do a life part two i was gonna say yeah in our

Speaker 1 congrats on baby number two thank you um i we got to do that let's do a life part two i enjoyed doing that i had a lot of notes um we had an awesome idea which i can just say we're gonna do it but we're gonna do a draft uh analysis of ourselves both good and bad like being brutally honest upside downside strong upside down which would be very very good so we're gonna do that we promise people we gotta do it in person though yes i think we gotta come to new york yeah we'll come at home you got to come to cali yeah we'll come to cali yeah come to cali yeah that'll be fun all right well titus have a great uh long weekend and uh everyone enjoy the indy 500 car car cars going in circles it's awesome fast car do they honk at each other

Speaker 1 i'm driving here you gotta throw your hand up like that yeah all right thanks dude see you man we'll talk to you later

Speaker 1 So, y'all know that we're big fans of Cracker Barrel. And this holiday season, I will be sat at their table with a big plate of country-fried turkey.

Speaker 6 And Brandon, I'll be right there with you, and I'll check it off my Christmas list in the country store while I'm at it. It'll make a nice holiday tradition.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's so cute of you.

Speaker 6 Enjoy all the more holiday traditions only at Cracker Barrel.

Speaker 1 All right, Fire Fest of the week. Let's do it.
Sending everyone off. Jake, you want to start? Long week.
Oh,

Speaker 1 Jake's not here.

Speaker 5 Mr. Vacation himself, Jake Marsh.

Speaker 1 This is the OG crew. Just the four of us.
Back when life was not complicated with our two sons. Back when Lam used to sit on the radiator.

Speaker 5 Yeah. That's true.

Speaker 5 That was a scene.

Speaker 1 Oh, like a geezer. For a long time.
That sucked.

Speaker 5 Remember when Howie Mandel came in? He's like, who's that guy sitting on the radiator?

Speaker 1 And the worst part is, the whole time he was sitting on the radiator, he couldn't see any colors.

Speaker 1 And I'm pretty sure I had a boot on like half the time, too. Yeah, well, that's your own fault.
You got hit by a car.

Speaker 5 Do you think that getting left off the part in my flakes box was like, that was the start of Jake Marsh's championship TVD?

Speaker 1 He's like, good point.

Speaker 5 He's like, like, I guess you could say I took that personally. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Big time. All right, so Jake, no Firefest.
Okay.

Speaker 1 My Fire Fest. Do you know what you just did, though? What?

Speaker 1 No, I'm not going to say it.

Speaker 5 Jake's rent-free in Hank's head.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. Yeah, he is.

Speaker 1 No, no, that's not what I was going to say.

Speaker 5 That's some rent-free shit, though.

Speaker 1 That's not what I was going to say. We weren't thinking about that.
That's the S-word. Don't say the S-word.
What's the S-word?

Speaker 5 Soft?

Speaker 1 No. Shame?

Speaker 1 Yeah. No.
You just vacationed shamed James. No, I forgot.
No, you did. I forgot he wasn't here.
Yeah, you did. No, that's why.
You vacation shamed Jake. I forgot he was on vacation.
I would literally.

Speaker 1 That I would never. Wow.
That ain't no fun when the rattle got the gun. That was the biggest vacation

Speaker 1 person on this podcast. You 100% vacation shamer? Absolutely not.
No, I literally, I'm looking at you guys. My peripherals are bad.
I forgot he wasn't there. Uh-huh.
Vacation shamer. Anyway.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the dark side, Hank. Yeah, I feel terrible about myself.

Speaker 1 My Fire Fest of the Week, it is vacation coming up, big weekend, holiday weekend. I booked a haircut for yesterday.

Speaker 1 i showed up to the haircut it's fellow barber so it's like a chain there's a bunch around new york there was one in brooklyn right next to where i used to live yep and when i went to register online it was i guess it was like my saved place so i thought i chose a place near me i walked in they're like yeah you have no appointment here and i was like is there anything available they're like no i've so i just don't it's the worst i don't have a haircut i've sent that weekend for you yeah i've sent so many packages to the old office yeah it sucks it's brutal yes i just have it like saved in there And the feeling when they're just like, you know, when you can, they're like, oh, it's a reservation, and then you say it, and they're looking, and you can just tell after a few seconds, you're like, nope, this isn't here.

Speaker 1 It isn't there.

Speaker 5 I do that about once a week with a food order where I actually

Speaker 5 hit it to the office or to my apartment. That's a bad feeling.

Speaker 1 Wait, what did you say?

Speaker 1 I like reserved it because the other place, like, oh, well, you reserved it.

Speaker 1 Wait, so do you... You have to reserve your haircut.
You didn't get to... They didn't take walk-ins after that? There was no one available.

Speaker 1 All our barbers are booked for the next few hours.

Speaker 5 That's why you go to Sport Clips, Hank, and they give you the text 15 minutes before and the legendary steam towel.

Speaker 5 I'm going to take your man card for not going to sport clips.

Speaker 1 I'm probably going to probably this weekend.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get a haircut in situ area.

Speaker 5 I got a haircut today.

Speaker 1 Thanks for mentioning it, guys. And

Speaker 1 they should honestly do.

Speaker 1 Oh, I just got it trimmed. Yeah.
Yeah. I didn't want to go full-blown.

Speaker 1 I think I'm actually going to become an every two-week haircut guy. A mini Jeff D-Low.

Speaker 5 That's what Jeff does. Yeah, he does every week, right? Not always.
It's like every fortnight, essentially.

Speaker 1 Because what I realize is

Speaker 1 I can't be held accountable. Like, I go, sometimes I'll go nine weeks without a haircut, and then sometimes I'll go three.
And it's, I got to get on a pattern.

Speaker 1 But the worst thing about my hair is biz. Like, when I see business hair, I'm like, it's kind of gross, but that's exactly how my hair grows.

Speaker 1 They should really, we should start a barbershop that's just not a barbershop. It's just a hot towel.
It's a TV series. I would get big profile guests.

Speaker 1 But if you, if you talk shop, if you could just go in for a 10-minute quick hot,

Speaker 1 Amazon, here's a free idea. Instead of your fucking tele, your boo-box,

Speaker 1 telephone booth jails, do just a hot towel, 10-minute hot towel head massage.

Speaker 5 I like where it hangs heads at. That would actually be huge.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 5 we get people to come in. Like we turn one of these rooms here into almost like some sort of shop, and we just put a towel around their neck, and then we sit down.

Speaker 5 We get maybe musicians and actors just kind of going back and forth, but being real and like authentic with it. Yeah.
And then we put that on HBO.

Speaker 1 Real ass, well,

Speaker 1 loud ass hell.

Speaker 5 Real ass hell. No, it'd be some loud ass hell.
Yeah. That's the name of the show.

Speaker 5 Loud ass hell. Good Firefest, Hank.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 I'm happy everything else is going well. Everything else in my life is going well.
Check out Stool Streams. Play Bar Stool app.
It's been awesome. I'm going to play Cornhole next week.
Bags.

Speaker 1 You won 42 yet? Nothing yesterday. Yeah, it was.

Speaker 1 Most dominating performance ever in the history of Triple R.

Speaker 5 Well,

Speaker 5 except for Jake's speed run that he did through the obstacle course.

Speaker 1 The perfect games. But you know what? He's not here because we're going to shame him for the first time.
So he's not even the best one here right now.

Speaker 1 That's true. That's true.
I'm the best one here.

Speaker 5 Shame is at me.

Speaker 5 My fire fest, well, I guess the first fire fest, since Hank didn't want to bring it up, but you can do a $250 play right now in Indiana, in the state of Indiana, on the Boston Sportsbook.

Speaker 5 And if you win, what do you get? Do you get to go to the...

Speaker 1 You get to go to the Indy 500 party.

Speaker 5 You get to go to the Indy 500 party with Machine Gun Kelly and Diplo. Yes.
So

Speaker 5 Hank didn't want to bring that up for whatever reason. So I guess I'll just.

Speaker 1 $10,000 bet you get a table.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 You're kind of a machine gun Kelly Stan this past year. I love you.

Speaker 5 Oh, his new album is really good. Nice.
You can put Travis Barker on anything. Like, Travis Barker could be sitting behind Barney the Dinosaur, and I'd be like, got a DVR.
That shit. He is awesome.

Speaker 5 My Fire Fest is that I've got water damage in my apartment. So it rained last night.
They've been doing construction upstairs for me. I walk out into my living room.

Speaker 5 I had like four framed posters, one framed New Zealand All Blacks jersey that just fell off the wall because the wall got soaked through.

Speaker 5 Had big puddles on my floor.

Speaker 1 Did they break?

Speaker 5 Yeah, one of them broke. And so then I've got like cracking stuff.

Speaker 1 You were telling me the other day that it was one of a kind. It was, what, $40,000?

Speaker 5 It was Bowdoin-Barrett.

Speaker 1 Yeah. $40,000.

Speaker 5 It was an autographed Bowdoin-Barrett New Zealand All-Blacks. It was $40,000.
It was $45,000. But I think right now it's appreciated, so it's $40,000.

Speaker 1 $40,000. I hope your landlord has insurance.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so we're going to have to to work that out but it was um i walked it was so weird walking out into my living room and just seeing it looked like a war zone and then i went up i touched the wall and the wall was just soaked bonk to my apartment but it was just it i i don't know what i'm gonna do because they have to like take take care of mold i guess yes i don't know i'm not i'm not a uh

Speaker 5 sounds like free rent yeah sounds like you got to stop paying rent yeah i should i'll go on a one-man rent strike yeah like that uh but yeah that's just it's something that i'm gonna have to deal with in addition to my elevator not working so still

Speaker 5 New York's back, baby.

Speaker 1 There's no way your elevator.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, it takes a long time to replace an elevator, turns out. Yeah, very long.
So I forgot about it. I gotta walk up now, fifth floor walk up.
Just resigned my lease. Pretty good.

Speaker 1 Feel good about it. Legs look good, though.

Speaker 1 It is good for you. 2020.
Yeah. It does feel like

Speaker 1 forever ago that your elevator needed to be fixed.

Speaker 5 The elevator has been breaking for the last year and a half, but they've just now started to replace it like a month and a half ago, two months ago. It turns out it takes like they have to go to.

Speaker 1 What if they said it's a 99% success rate?

Speaker 5 In the elevator? Great. I'll ride it every day.
I'm sick of the stairs. And it turns out.

Speaker 1 What if they say it's 85% success rate, but you only have to take one trip instead of two?

Speaker 5 Okay, easy. I would just, I would just take the elevator up and then the stairs down.
Okay, perfect.

Speaker 1 That's easy choice for me. I would do the same.
You gotta play the odds. We would do the same.

Speaker 5 But it turns out you have to take it. You have to remove the elevator through the roof.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's like a K-cup.
Correct. And it goes auction.
Yes. Yeah.
Yes.

Speaker 5 That's tough. That's tough.
My apartment is just going to shit right now. That sucks.

Speaker 1 Well, my fire fest. I'm sure you have lots of space for as much as you pay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I really do.

Speaker 1 I got pretty decent pass. That was such an awesome burn by that.
Whoever made that meme, like Nick's fans going home after Trey Young dropped 40 on them, and it's just like a little close.

Speaker 1 Or $2,000 farm lights. Yeah, that's kind of right.
200 square feet.

Speaker 5 I've upgraded. I'm working with like 700 square feet now.
That's nice. Maybe 800.
It might be 800. I haven't walked it out.

Speaker 1 So we'll see.

Speaker 1 um all right my fire fest is someone else's fire fest is dick vital so dickie v had um just the i would actually say and i know this is going to be uh people like that's hyperbole i'd say it's the worst flight ever you also didn't mention kony pfd oh yeah oh yeah you got him hey round of applause for everybody out there

Speaker 1 i'm actually not going to applause yeah well yeah i'm going to take my hat

Speaker 5 that should have been your firefest hank yeah is that they caught your boy yeah you're in mourning your man kony so yeah shout out coronavirus bad tough day to be a coronavirus.

Speaker 5 Turns out the virus killed Joseph Coney. It was all worth it.

Speaker 1 Allegedly. All this pandemic was worth it.
We got Coney.

Speaker 5 If we got that one guy, that was the only way to get it.

Speaker 1 But yeah, Dickie V had the worst flight ever. He, um,

Speaker 1 his breakfast was bad on the flight. First-class flight, Orlando to San Francisco.

Speaker 1 He said, I can't believe that today on our flight, flying first-class from Orlando to San Francisco, that United has the nerve to serve for breakfast the most pathetic options I have ever seen.

Speaker 1 This is the first time in my life that I have ever complained, but this is a joke over five-hour flight.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 he talked about how they should just offer like whatever, like eggs, cereal, fruit, anything. And then when he got off the flight, he said that

Speaker 1 he sprinted to a concession stand because his stomach was churning because he was so hungry from the awful options. So shout out Dickie V.

Speaker 5 It sounds like a nightmare, honestly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel pain. Anytime you can work in, like, I'm flying first class and the food sucks.

Speaker 1 Usually people will have a lot of pity pity for you worst plane flights TWA Pan Am Dickie V going cross country from Florida yeah to San Francisco I also think that's just a super old person thing I feel like they don't ever serve food on cross-country flights anymore like back in the day maybe right but I feel like I've never I haven't been on a flight from like California to New York or LA where they're like here's a meal basically if they let you choose two of like the uh cheez-its nuts and like some kind of uh chewy bar if they let you say hey pick two that's the best you'll ever get Yeah, and you can honestly just give me a stroop waffle and I'll be like great meal.

Speaker 5 Yeah, those things are just crack How bad would a meal have to be in order for you to complain about it and say like it was unacceptable on Twitter?

Speaker 1 What do you think they should have to I think it'd have to be medium instead of medium rare plus I think it'd have to like give me the the black plague like instantly.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you have you open up and there's just baby spiders that crawl out of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know what the worst feeling is when I realized a long time ago, but I get reminded of it every now and then that I am fat and that I will eat anything.

Speaker 1 But when we were in West Virginia the last time for Rough and Rowdy, we went out to lunch with some of the guys who were doing the call, and it was like four or five of us all ordered a steak, and the other four people had one bite.

Speaker 1 and were like, it's disgusting. And I looked up and I had just finished the whole steak.
And I was like, why aren't you guys going to like, it's gross. It's the worst steak ever.

Speaker 1 How can a steak be gross? It was very bad. But I ate the whole thing.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I would eat any steak.

Speaker 1 But it was those moments when I realized like I am basically a garbage disposal and I'll eat anything. It really, it does hurt my feelings.

Speaker 5 I just wonder what they tried to give our sweet prince Dickie V. It must have been bad for him to complain.

Speaker 1 Speaking of our sweet prince five-year anniversary tour. I mentioned that at the top of the show.
You weren't here for that.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 That's going to be my first line. R.I.P.
Now this is... Some people actually don't understand that we record sometimes parts of the show.
Like everyone, this is now we're getting...

Speaker 1 Here we go, the magic, how it's made. They're like, you called Josh Allen at 12:30 in the morning and he picked up.
Like, nope, we recorded that at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

Speaker 5 What do you think had a bigger impact on

Speaker 1 my show? That came after the beginning, which was recorded at.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 How? 12:30. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. We will sometimes record pieces of the show and put it all together.
Like right now, we have no idea. Quick.
Lakers, Suns, who won? Suns.

Speaker 5 The Suns won. Big time.

Speaker 1 I think the Lakers won. won, but the Suns covered.
Okay. And I think the Blazers killed whoever they're playing, Nuggets.
Nope. And

Speaker 1 Heat Culture back. Wrong again.
Really?

Speaker 1 Well, I guess this is the best part of the show now because we'll find out at the beginning, right?

Speaker 1 So I have Blazers,

Speaker 1 Lakers,

Speaker 1 Heat.

Speaker 1 I have Bucs,

Speaker 1 Suns, Suns plus seven.

Speaker 1 Nuggets.

Speaker 5 I got Lakers, Sons.

Speaker 5 I actually have a push in that game.

Speaker 1 And then I've got

Speaker 5 the Blazers and the Heat.

Speaker 5 The fans in Miami, they're going to be rocking. That arena is always big.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. All right.
We'll see you everyone Tuesday. Enjoy your long weekend.
Have a nice, cold. Liam has Jake's fact.

Speaker 1 Give me number eight. Wait, Liam has Jake's fact.
Oh, yeah. Oh.

Speaker 1 Also, guess what Jake would have guessed for the number? 18.

Speaker 5 18.

Speaker 1 He's always the original kid ever.

Speaker 1 I think because of his literary.

Speaker 1 Hank has been very chesty without Jake Arat.

Speaker 1 Also, been walking around with bad.

Speaker 1 Also, getting

Speaker 5 in today's culture, you're just going after his religion.

Speaker 1 No, I just wanted to pick a different number. All right, very cool.
And he already won on this continental. The continuously daily published newspaper is the Boston Globe, which was founded in 1872.

Speaker 1 Wow. Whoa.
Very cool, Drake. 99.
What was your pick, Liam? 56. 86.

Speaker 1 There's five. Wait.
Five-year anniversary.

Speaker 1 i should have picked it no but also we i think we've had every single digit oh yeah we we had one two three still in there i mean that's harambe right there that's not that's not a that's not a magic one that's that's a gorilla mentioned at the start of the show that's our sweet prince that is our sweet prince r.IP there's no way to mash up for him oh yeah

Speaker 1 that's right oh my god

Speaker 1 that's what got him crazies no well say

Speaker 1 it's what put him on the on the map for us oh god I forgot that was Saturday's it for the boys first And then this song, this song that you're about to hear was like one of the first songs that I made.

Speaker 1 I edited the video, put it on YouTube, and then another account took it, posted it on their YouTube and their Facebook, and it got like a trillion views.

Speaker 1 And it's just our song that we got no credit for.

Speaker 5 It's bad producing.

Speaker 1 I guess. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We need lawyers.

Speaker 5 Love you guys.

Speaker 1 He was such a good gorilla.

Speaker 1 He did not deserve the fate that he incurred.

Speaker 1 Shot straight through his gorilla heart.

Speaker 1 Why did our friend have to go and get murdered?

Speaker 1 R.I.P. and peace, my friend.

Speaker 1 The hit was ordered by the US government

Speaker 1 I'm here without Harambe

Speaker 1 But he's still on my lonely mind

Speaker 1 I think about her rumba And I dream about him all the time

Speaker 1 I'm here without her umbrella But he's still with me in my dreams

Speaker 1 And tonight it's her roman me

Speaker 1 Everyone chose to ignore it

Speaker 1 The mainstream media didn't give a shit

Speaker 1 that bell

Speaker 1 gorilla Thank God that kid is safe But we have taken up for your cause.

Speaker 1 We know Hillary is who ordered the hit.

Speaker 1 Oh yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm here without her rumbling.

Speaker 1 But he's still on my lonely mind.

Speaker 1 I think about her on bay.

Speaker 1 And I dream about him all the time.

Speaker 1 I'm here without her Harambee But he's still with me in my dreams

Speaker 1 And tonight

Speaker 1 it's Haram

Speaker 1 I cry

Speaker 1 It's Harambe on my mind

Speaker 1 It's still hard, but we know you're alright in heaven

Speaker 1 And when the shot rang out

Speaker 1 When they tried to to take you down,

Speaker 1 they didn't know that you're forever

Speaker 1 in

Speaker 1 our hearts.

Speaker 1 Whoa, whoa, whoa,

Speaker 1 whoa. Give shout for Harambe.

Speaker 1 I'm here without Harambe,

Speaker 1 but he's still on my lonely mind

Speaker 1 I think about her, I'm made

Speaker 1 And I dream about him all the time

Speaker 1 I'm here without her, I'm made

Speaker 1 But he's still with me in my dreams

Speaker 1 And tonight is so romantic