Playoff Hockey With Paul Bissonnette, Phil Mickelson Wins The PGA, Lebron's Pretty Much Broken Shoulder, And Big Cat Has Another Baby

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On today's part of my take, we have a lot of sports. Holy shit, what a weekend of sports.
We have NBA playoffs kicking off, Phil Mickelson winning the PGA Championship, Stanley Cup playoffs. We have our good friend Paul Bissonette on the show who actually,

if you're watching on YouTube right now,

which please subscribe and upvote every single video on YouTube.

That helps us a lot.

He's actually sleeping on the couch while we tape this.

So he's going to be with us for the entire episode.

But he'll only speak in like the middle third.

I think what we'll do is at the end of the show, because the end of the show we're gonna come up and get a reading yeah we'll wake him up we'll maybe talk a little bit about uh me being a twice dad now at the end of the show and we'll also wake up biz so make sure you tune in for after biz for that but yeah we got a ton of sports to get to we're gonna get to it all before we do a word from our friends. Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue It's Part of My Take presented by Far Stool Sports Welcome to Part of My Take presented by BetterHelp.com slash PMT BetterHelp.com slash PMT You can see a therapist online or a phone call 10% off when you put in that code PMT today is Monday May 24th and I would like to say as a Brooks Koepka fan I am happy for Phil Mickelson so am I I'm happy for Phil I'm happy for all the Phil stands out there of which there are many thumbs up they have been hey big cat hey thumbs up thumbs up thumbs up to lefty the uh the Phil Mickelson fan club has been dormant for a long time. They haven't had a lot of reasons.
They've been like the cicadas. And now they're back.
It's been, what, eight years, ten years since Phil? A long time. Since one of them major.
And the end of that round, it was cool seeing a crowd that size back out on a golf course. I was trying to think about it because everyone knows our stance on this show.
We have our three guys. We root for them very, very hard, and we try to slander or libel everyone else.

But there is a few people that I think are in the category of,

holy shit, this is actually awesome.

It sucked that Brooks was up against them in the final pairing,

but Phil is in that category.

Phil and Tiger kind of are those guys where maybe if Freddie Boom Boom

couples ever made a run for it, I'd also root for him. But they're in that category of it's good for golf, but it's also just fucking cool.
It's a cool story. Phil Mickelson is 50 years old.
Phil Mickelson won his first tournament, golf tournament, professional golf tournament, 30 years ago. He's won a major in three different decades.
He's won a tournament in four different decades. You just referenced it, PFT, that it's been a very long time.
It's been so long. Phil hasn't been in the top 20 in 17 tournaments.
It's been so long that he had to get a special exemption for the U.S. Open this year because he was 115th in the world.
That's how long it's been since Phil has been playing really good golf. And then he shows up, and I don't know about you guys, but I was sitting there watching the entire tournament being like, well, Phil's going to – the triple bogey's coming.
Like, he's going in the drink. Something's going to happen.
But no, he was just fucking cool, calm, cool, smaller-titted Phil Mickelson. I was about to say the entire tournament.
The only thing I don't like about the new Phil is that he's in too good a shape. His calves are too nice.
He doesn't have the man boobs anymore. When Phil was out there dominating with a respectable B-cup hanging from his chest, that was cool to watch.
Yes. Yeah, it's very cool to see Phil back out there.
And with the sunglasses that he was rocking this weekend, I don't know where you even get sunglasses that look like that. It looks like something.
That's cool. You know Pug's sunglasses, the ones that are in all those truck stops? It looks like something that you would get out of there, but Phil pulled it off.
He pulled it off, and they're probably very expensive. And he's got a ton of fans around him, and his fans are very drunk individuals, which I like.
Again, things that are good for golf. Having a rowdy gallery is something that I kind of miss people yelling and being able to hear audibly the slurred words of golf fans in the final round of a major tournament.
That's also good for hashtag golf. It was at the end when the fans basically swarmed him going up the fairway on the 18th.
It was like my god it was actually happening it was coinciding with the tip-off of the next game at the mecca msg for those who don't know about it uh and they were had 15 000 fans there and it really felt like oh fuck like we were so used to this world where we convinced ourselves hey sports are playing so it's't there. No, no, no.
Fans not being there sucked because it was fucking awesome when Phil and you know what? Phil is a great lesson. I think he's one of those guys that everyone roots for because he's always been good to the fans and he's always been kind of that people's golfer type feel to him.
Lefty Phil, like he's not, I don't think he even has any association with new jersey but every time he golfs in like new jersey everyone just fucking drunk and was like they feel bad about gambling yeah yeah yeah the gambling thing for sure and like with phil it's also he captured almost an entire generation he's got like gen xers film standing next to phil mickelson like what you saw in the 18th hole, that's Burning Man for Gen Xers. That's as close as they'll get to taking drugs and going to a music festival and discovering their inner selves for three days.
It's just like drinking 17 Coors Lights and then being in the same square mile as Phil Mickelson. It's Phil.
It's lefty. That's what it means to those guys.
And also, Mickelson, he's a guy that I always get the feeling like he could show up. Oh, Piz is moving.
Sorry. He's rolling around.
I always get the feeling like he could show up and be good for at least, like, one round. Yes.
Or two rounds. But, like, an entire four putting it together is cool to see.
Like, Phil's a guy that if he's got a nephew, I assume that his twin brother, who's his caddy, has a son or a daughter. If he's got a nephew or a niece and he catches them smoking cigarettes, Phil will be like, let your uncle have one, show you how it's done.
Smoke it all down to the filter in one drag and be like, later, loser. And walk away.
And peel off. He's always got.
In a Mustang that wasn't there before. Yes.
Yes. He's always got a trick in his bag ready to go.
But it was cool to see him do it for four days in a row. 50 years old.
Yeah, they actually, so they were talking about it that Phil basically admitted that he didn't have the mental toughness slash stamina to compete at a high level for four days straight. So recently he had been playing, he had been forcing himself to play 36 holes a day just to like push himself and he actually had a tweet did you guys see like uh like maybe 10 days ago he had a tweet that was essentially like it's okay to fail which is kind of cool to see because usually that's such a cliche yeah it's cliche bullshit that people put online like gary v's like hey failure is the best thing that's ever happened to me shoot your family in the face face and see how that feels.
But this was, he said it, he meant it,

and then he went and won the PGA Championship.

The oldest guy to ever win a major, 50 years old.

And he was hitting bombs, too.

He was hitting bombs.

He hit like a drive.

He's lefty.

I think 360 yards on the back nine today on Sunday.

He's lefty.

Just bombs.

Just bombs.

Now, as it pertains to Brooks,

I do want to say that as members of Team Brooks,

his knee is ahead of schedule.

Our knee is ahead of schedule right now,

and the open is the one that we've had circled for a long time

because the open is the one that Brooks hasn't gotten yet.

Well, and it also, I mean, not excuse, guys, but his knee is hurting him,

and he wasn't able to get all the way low to read putts, and the putter is what kind of killed him today and this weekend. So, ipso facto, he probably would have won this tournament by 15 strokes if his knee was okay.
Well, they said when he missed his first three-footer of the day that he couldn't get low enough to line up the stripe to aim at the hole. So he was essentially flying instrument-free.
Right. You just basically put Brooks, he's a jet fighter, right? He's used to flying an SR-71 Blackbird spy plane directly through the core of the earth and out the other side and doing barrel rolls the whole time.
You put him in like a 1917 biplane with, you know, two tanks of gas, and he still managed to get across the Atlantic. Yeah, he was close.
So like, shout out to Brooks. Great job, Brooks.
We're ahead of schedule. And he's still, to be fair, Brooks Koepka is still leading on aggregate under par in terms of major tournaments all time.
Yes. So still number one.
They have that stat where he's like 50 strokes better than the next guy in the last five years. What are you going to say, Hank? A lot of AWOs out there this weekend.
Yeah, shout out them. Brooks team, the team, the team, the team.
You're all part of the team. And we would never ask you to do what may have happened on the front nine today to fill and have one of you guys pick up one of Brooks' drives, put it back down in a better line.
We would never ask you to do that. Nope, but do that.
But we would never ask you to. Do it.
But I'm asking. No, you're not.
You're telling. No, no, we have a, we have a, now we have an out.
PFT is saying do not. I'm saying do.
I speak for the whole podcast when I say do not do it. I speak for the whole podcast when I say, please, will you do it? Ball's in your court.
Quote of the tournament goes to Jon Rahm for me. So I don't know if you guys saw this, but he had a tough couple days, and he was asked about his round, and this was his quote.
So the person asked, like, hey, maybe not ending it the way you wanted, but in your estimation on the golf course, does this open things up for the leaders to score a little bit this afternoon? Talking about three over for the championship? He said, I don't know and I don't care, to be honest. I hit the ball, tee to green as well as I could have for most of the part and barely made any putts, and yeah, I'm not really happy.
And to be honest, being in the 40th place and finishing bogey-bogey like that, I really don't want to be here right now. I mean, clearly the scores are out there.
It's very doable right now. 68-67 is out there.
It's possible. I had every chance.
I just couldn't make a putt. That was great, though, saying, I don't want to be here.
I just don't want to be here. Biz is moving his foot right now.
He just moved his leg up. See if he'll say something in the mic.
Biz, do you have anything in the mic you want to say? What are your thoughts on this? Biz is coming up in a minute. He actually was coherent for our interview.
Semi-coherent. But now he is passed out.
If you're watching on're watching on youtube again subscribe on youtube please and thumb up every single uh for phil video yeah thumbs up for lefty yes yes i want to put one in in uh someone's ear hole real quick kyle porter on cbs yeah i've seen this guy a couple times i don't know what his fucking deal is okay this is what he said it's going to be wild when two players from different generations step to the T in the final pairing today.

And the one who has a knee problem, horrific fashion sense, and a midlife crisis growing on his face is actually not the 50-year-old.

Hey, buddy.

Shut the frick up.

And I say that because he's an elder at the Mosaic Church of Richardson.

He puts that in his bio.

Respectfully.

Shut the frick up, dude. Shut the heck up.
Shut your heckin' frickin' mouth. Honestly, that's kind of a cheap shot.
Total cheap shot. Hey, you know what? It sounds to me like he's a little bit rooting for injuries.
Yes. Also, I saw that there were a lot of people coming in.
The fashion sense of both Brooks and Tony Finau, who were wearing Nike golf. Guess what? Ever heard of Dara Leaked? Okay.
The next fashion wave, you don't even know it. You're actually, should we call them? I mean, they're Chewgy.
What? The Nike hats? No, the people who think those Nike hats are lame are Chewgy. You think they're...
I think they can't understand fashion outside the box. They just want a fucking nice little white hat.
I think that they can both be choogy, but you know what? Sometimes choogy is good. Yeah, fashion forward.
Yeah, it's called fashion, bro. That's what Brooke said about the off-whites, right? Yeah, exactly.
I don't like golf journalists getting to decide what's cool as far as fashion we have to take a stand somewhere as a society yeah and when you have quarter when you have golf journalists deciding what good uh fashion sense is for clothes and facial hair i think at that point we need to take away their card agreed kyle porter howder boy uh fucking loser howder boy, Will Zalatouris. All right, so we have updates from both of our other guys.
Will Zalatouris did okay. Also saw him post on Instagram after the tournament.
He's flying private planes now, so he's doing great. That's a win.
I think he's upgraded. Max, so little editor's note on Thursday's podcast.
We recorded it around 4 or 5 o'clock. I think I said in the show that Max was minus 3 tied for 12th.
He was at the time. And then whatever happened after that.
Let's just hold that moment in time forever. Max was top 12 on Thursday.
Let's hold that moment in time and we don't have to talk about the rest of the weekend. Well, it wasn't actually technically a weekend.
It was just Thursday and Friday. Yeah, when you're talking about a golf tournament, it's all the weekend.
Yeah, there was no weekend days for Max this weekend. But he was top 12 at one point.
Well, actually, no, I should take that back. Max did have a weekend.
He actually had a great weekend great week he got to enjoy his week he got to go hang out with his family for the weekend my favorite thing about about golf when it's played like on an ocean course or near any anytime it's nearby any body of water is just the announcer's always saying now this pot's going to break away from the ocean yeah and i don't know if they are aware how gravity works with slopes and things, but when they say it's always going to break away from the ocean, I believe it, but I don't think that's 100% true all the time. It's also, you know, the course was windy.
It was cool. It was cool that it was windy, but also it was on the ocean.
So, of course, it was windy. They also said, what's his name? Scott.
Which is the Scott that's the United States? Not Scott Van Pelt. Not that guy.
The other Scott. Scotty Too Hotty.
Scotty Too Hotty was saying that, first of all, he told a story about Phil Mickelson and gambling and tried to edit himself by changing the numbers of the units that they were betting against each other. But it was obvious all he was doing was just taking away three zeros.
So, he was like bet phil a dollar and then he counter bet me a dollar then i bet him five dollars and then phil said no let's make it a 20 dollar bet it's like dude we know exactly you're not you're not masking it the way that you think that you're masking right uh but then he also said that yes phil mickelson won this weekend but he in fact said that the course was the real winner for how it performed on Sunday. And we'll see this back in the rotation of PGA Championships.
The ocean course. The ocean course.
You can also say the ocean course about any place. I just like it because it means that it's really nice because usually when they have to clarify, that means there's probably three or four courses at this club.
It's the Ocean Course. Or Bethpage Black.
Have they ever played anything? Not red. Bethpage Gray? Yeah, no, no, no.
Black. Black.
Yes. Black Diamonds.
All right, but yeah, congrats to Phil. That was a fucking awesome story.
It's the cheesy sports rule moment. You know what I mean? Watching Phil on Sunday, all weekend really, sports fucking rule.
I do feel a little bit bad that somebody tried to go like Tanya Harding, Nancy Kerrigan on Brooks' knee in the crowd. Yeah, but we don't have to talk about that.
We don't have to talk about that. Everyone watch yourself.
Less bumping into Brooks, more picking up his ball and putting it in the hole for him. Yes.
No. But yes.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely.
Okay.

Put it on a tee.

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All right.

Let's talk some other things.

Let's talk some other sports. Let's talk some other sports.

Let's talk NBA.

Let's talk about the Washington Capitol season being over.

Let's get soggy.

Before.

I don't think we need to get soggy, Hank.

Are people asking you to get soggy?

Did you say it was cap shear?

No, I never said it was cap shear.

We're not getting soggy.

We're getting al dente with pasta.

The complete opposite of soggy.

We're going to eat pasta until we puke. If you want to join me, Hank, I's true i forgot about that and so we gotta figure out a time to do that all right the bottom line is the caps are not a good hockey team they did not deserve to win this series hank congratulations your bruins beat uh undermanned injured uh shell of a playoff hockey team good job very proud of you you beat z Charo, the guy that you ran out of town, the guy that you couldn't stand to see a second more wearing the gold and black.
Did you guys win game one? Touching stuff in the handshake. Wait, was this a gentleman sweep? It was a gentleman sweep, in fact.
Hank Gentleman Sweep. Shit.
Hey, good to see you get a win. Yeah, someone tweeted me the Kevin Malone win gif.
It's just nice to win one in that. That's honestly how I feel.
So you're now down not quite as bad. Not historically bad.
Yeah. I mean, I thought that was going to be a series, too.
I mean, especially the first three games going to overtime, and then that was just it. They just ran out of gas.
The Russian gas. Yeah, I don I don't know what happened but uh yeah I don't feel great about it obviously but at least this was not a team that with the exception of like the immediate aftermath of the Tom Wilson incident where it seemed like the stars were aligning once I actually saw them playing in the playoffs I was like this is not it'd be cap if I were to say that it was caps here yes yes Yes, yes, it would be Cap.
And I get to continue to use Cap now. Yes.
Which everybody's really excited about. Oh, that's awesome.
Now you're Cap. If you're going to lose, you might – what is – okay, is he alive? Just making sure, yeah.
I'm just making sure. If you're going to lose, you might as well lose in like a week.
Yeah. I mean, I do think that there is something to be said.

As much as fun as it is to have your team make a deep run,

like if your team doesn't have it, just be out and be the first team.

I guess they were technically the second team out.

But by the third round of the playoffs,

no one will even remember the Capitals were in the playoffs.

You know what?

We bowed out today.

Yeah.

It was a classic bow out.

All class from the Capitals.

I would have liked to have seen a playoff game in D.C. with a full Capital One arena.
That would have been cool. Yes.
But yeah, just not a quality team. Should we put a little slice of pizza underneath Biz's significant nose and see if he can smell it? No, we're going to do it after his interview.
We're going to wake him up. But yeah, congratulations, Hank.
I will, not the soggy sorrow, but the pizza bet. We need to figure out when we're doing that.
We should do that in a live stream. Yeah.
Yeah. Hopefully it's Bruins Islanders because the live stream would be great.
And you're just sitting in the back. Yeah.
Just housing pizza. We could go to Borelli's.
Yeah. I'd go to Borelli's for that.
Because I'm going to root for the Islanders against the Bruins. I want to see Frankie win.
I would go to the Borelli's for that. Yeah.
And just watch you just go to town on pizza. No, it's not pizza.
It's pasta. Pasta.
Although, going to Borelli's, that's very disrespectful to puke Mr. Borelli's pasta up.
You think so? Yes. If I eat enough of it? I ate so much.
I think that's disrespectful. I think that's a crime against the family.
That's a bet. You're going to need to sit down after that.
I'm going to sit down with him? Yeah. That's a bet.
Okay. All right.
I'm excited for that. I'm excited for that.
All right. Oh, Biz is moving again.
Nope. He is staying asleep.
The best part about Biz sleeping on the couch during this entire show is I guarantee you his hotel room is like two blocks away tops. I was in here with him earlier, and he just kept complimenting the couch.

He's like, this is such a good couch.

This couch is awesome.

He was just feeling you out to see if it was okay

if he just laid down on it.

Do you think he's, like, listening to us?

No.

Well, subliminally.

You think?

So he'll wake up in a little bit,

and he'll have our exact same takes.

He did ask me, like, seven times

who was on the show tomorrow

after we recorded our interview with him.

Let's see what this does. Okay, no, he's not picking up his phone.
I thought maybe he would pick up his phone, but he's dead to the world. Should we steal his wallet? Yes, absolutely.
Jake, can you steal his wallet? Steal his Rolex. Steal his Rolex.
Let's re-gift it to Grinelli.

Steal something from him. And then tell everyone about how we gave it to him.

Here we go, Jake.

So everyone can be like, oh my God, Jake's getting up.

Oh, Jake has his phone.

He stole his phone.

He stole his phone.

He's got a missed call.

He's got cameo requests.

We should probably do those.

Is he password protected?

Yeah.

Okay. All right.
Biz is coming up in a minute. He is coherent for our interview with him.
Let's talk some NBA. Let's talk some NBA playoffs.
Because we're going to talk about all the Stanley Cup playoffs with Biz. We go through the series and everything.
Where do we want to start with NBA? I have a take. It's about the Celtics and the Nets.
Obviously, the Celtics lost. Fire away.
That first half, though. They had a great first half.
They had a chance. Kemba Walker played terribly in the second half, and the series is basically over.
Sweep, maybe gentlemen's sweep. No, that's not how that works.
Whatever. Who cares? Maybe gentlemen's sweep for the Celtics.
You'd have to win. Right.
Right. That's not going to happen.
Okay. Kevin Durant.
They kept saying it during the broadcast. Kevin Durant came to Brooklyn because Brooklyn's's cool and he didn't want to go to New York.
Dude. He was proven wrong in one season.
It's not like he was proven right over time. He was so wrong about that.
And if he was on the Knicks right now, it's already insane. It's already insane.
Everyone's going crazy. Just because they're in the playoffs, they're not even that good of a team.
If Kevin Durant was on this team, people would be going insane. They were trying to make Brooklyn and the Nets, and let's at least slow down a little bit because our friend Blake Griffin had a great game.
But they never talk about him. Plus one on the court.
No big deal. They just talk about the big three.
Kind of disrespectful. They were trying so hard to make it like MSG or Staples Center by showing like the celebrities in the crowd and it was just old giants it was just Michael Strahan and Osi Umuniora they probably paid them money together like at MSG they always do Celebrity Row and it's always Christopher Maloney from Law and Order I've seen Christopher matter what event.
Woody Allen. I've seen Christopher Maloney at Knicks games.
I've seen him at Rangers games. I'm pretty sure he was at the dog show.
But they always have, like, natural celebrities there. This one was just, like, a block of tickets that they gave to the New York Giants.
And they're like, distribute these as you see. See, could someone please invite Eli? Yes.
Oh, no, Eli's not coming. But it was painful how hard they were trying.
The other thing I had from that game was the first half the Celtics were like, oh, this could be a series. Then you remembered, like, the Nets just trade off possessions where it's like, oh, here's Kevin Durant, you know, shooting a turnaround, like, 15-footer over everyone.
Here's Kyrie Irving finishing at the rim like no one else in the league. Here's James Harden hitting threes and getting fouled.
They just, when they all, all three of them are just so fucking ridiculous. I don't.
And Blake. I don't know how, and Blake.
I don't know, and Joe Harris. I don't know how you stop him.
I just don't... I don't get it.
Also, is James Harden also back to being a little bit chubby? Yeah, he's the number one on their team. I said it.
He's the guy who keeps it going, because when he was out, they were a different team. He's a straw that stirs the drink.
No, but I'm saying physically, his body, he's looking good.'s looking healthy in the classical sense. Yeah, he's got to put on some old paintings of people.
For playoffs. And it is really, it's not talked about enough that this is the perfect setup for James Harden because every single year the playoffs come around and it's like James Harden has to do so much and they call him differently than they do in the regular season and he fails spectacularly on a public stage, now he has Kyrie and Kevin Durant to help him out.
Those guys are the guys, and he's somehow the third piece, even though he's not. And also Jeff Green, who will be in the NBA for the next 25 years, probably.
Because he does not age. His face does not age.
He looks the exact same as he did when he got into the league. They've been calling him Uncle Jeff Green for 20 years.
20 years ago, he was 28. This might be a good Jake assignment, but I was thinking as I was watching the game, because they only talk about how Durant, Harden, and Kyrie account for like 87% of all the points.
We've got to just do the kind of Kwame Brown and just add Blake in there. Yes.
So it's like Blake, Kevin. The old Hank Aaron, Tommy Aaron.

Yes.

Tommy Aaron hit 13 home runs.

Hank Aaron hit whatever, 7. But I think we've got to start doing that on Twitter and stuff

and really get it out there where it's like,

and put Blake Griffin first.

Correct.

Like Blake Griffin.

The big four.

Kevin Durant, James Harden, and Kyrie Irving accounted for 90% of the odds.

I like that.

And like Hank Lockwood and Jake Marsh have combined to win seven games of ping pong in a row together. Correct.
That's true. Congratulations.
Yes. That's also a fact.
Blake was a plus one. Yeah, he was a plus one.
He had one point. He had positive impact on the game.
He had one point. Right, so it's like, I think it was 83% for Kevin Durant, so it's like 84.
Yeah, he's plus one. When he was on the court, they were winning, okay?

Blake won that game himself.

That's a fact. Alright, other

games. There was actually...

The first round of the playoffs are awesome.

Oh, I'm not gonna be... I'm gonna be the bigger

person and point out

because I was asleep on Friday night by the time

the game ended, but

I'm not gonna point out the fact

that as cool as Wednesday night was with the playing game, you know what would be cooler is if Steph Curry was actually still in the playoffs because he was the 8th seed, but now we get the Grizzlies, but I'm not going to point that out. Don't point that out.
That was good by me, right? Because it would be cool to have Steph Curry in this series against Utah, wouldn't you say? I think a lot of people have said that, but I don't think that we need to necessarily say that ourselves. The Heat, Bucs, I think that's goingnis can't shoot free throws.
Yeah. Well, not in 10 seconds.
Yeah. Chris Middleton, maybe he's the guy.
So there are people that are complaining about the Giannis call, but the Heat told the ref, they were like, hey, he's taking 13 seconds every time with the ball. The ref can't at that point ignore it and let him go 13 seconds.
Correct. You filed the...
Yeah, we had Christian Horner on Friday. You have to...
You filed the complaint. Filed the complaint.
And then, I think it was Jeff Van Gundy brought it up to... When LeBron was shooting free throws and saying he steps over the line every time.
Before he gets to the rim. We need to call him on that.
Rules are rules. Yeah, Shaq used to do that all the time.
LeBron's been doing that for a long time. There's chaos.
All right, so that game, that was a great game. Jay Butt.
Fucking awesome game. Jay Butt.
4-22. He played poorly.
I hated the Heat jerseys. Pisses me off so much.
Oh, yeah, no, Roan, our friend Roan said it, or if you know him also as Angelo Palantonio on this show, he said it perfectly. The Heat basically were like, hey, the Pacers didn't make the playoffs, let's just wear their fucking jerseys.
Like, it made no sense. That, not to get really mad, but that is essentially like, that's becoming like European soccer.
How European soccer, watching European soccer in this office the last few years, like, you will watch, when Troops has Arsenal on, you will sometimes watch watch they'll be wearing teal, they'll be wearing red, they'll be wearing yellow. How do you have that many colors? None of these colors are the same.
And when you're the Heat, you've got great jerseys already. Great jerseys.
Where are those? Three colors. You get three colors to mix and match.
We sound very old, but I agree. I agree.
When you turn on that game and they're wearing yellow, you're like, what the fuck is this? It made no sense. They're Arizona State now? If it's like a throwback, like when the Lakers wear the blue jerseys because those were their old jerseys, that's one thing.
But even, I'm okay with wearing a different color if white is the main color because then it's like, oh, okay, it's a different... Yellow just is not their color.
Like, if they're wearing pink... It's in the logo.
Pantone PMS 137. Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ. The flame.
It's the color of the flame. The flame is yellow.
Fine, fine. Shouldn't the flame be white, though? Like, isn't white a hotter flame? Usually, it's playoff run.
They do white hot. They went with the...
Sabermetrically, the least hot color of flame. That's bad.
They have the white ring. That's why they lost.
Yeah, the yellow of flame. Clearly why they lost.
137. Shout out Duncan Robinson.
Shout out Duncan Robinson. Also had a great game.
Yes. Are the Clippers...
Is Kawhi's legacy on the line? Yes. That's what people are asking.
Yes, it is. This is a legacy series.
This is a legacy. Because if you lose against the same team twice in back-to-back years and that team doesn't eventually go on to win the championship...
Wait, last year they... In the bubble? They lost to the Mavericks in the bubble, didn't they? I thought they lost to the Nuggets.
Am I wrong? I've been wrong before. You're remembering that incredible Luka game where he hit the game winner,

which was incredible,

but I'm pretty sure they lost to the bubble nugget.

My fault.

That's okay.

No, just readjust.

Pivot your point.

You still have your pivot foot.

Listen, my point remains exactly the same

even if my facts are incorrect.

My take's not going to change.

Don't ever change a take.

You told me that. Hang on, wait.
Where's the camera? You told me you were assembling a super team. You said I was led to believe that the Clippers were going to win three titles in a row when you assemble that team with that defense and you get Mr.
Big Shot free agent, Kawhi Leonard, Mr. Free Agent signing of the summer and you can't even get to a finals? Get out of my face.

Playoff P?

Playoff poo-poo.

Yeah, got him.

Playoff P-U.

I did see Skip Bayless had a great take.

If you wondered what went wrong in that game, by the way,

Skip says, I just figured out what I did wrong. I ran for an hour before the Clippers game, didn't have time to take a shower, so put on the Versace robe Lil Wayne gave me for Christmas.
He's a Lakers fanatic. The gold robe jinxed me.
Never again will I wear it during a Clippers game. That's three awesome brags in the same take on why he got jinxed by Lil Wayne's Lakers robe.
That's great. Luka's awesome.
I love the Clippers because the Clippers are one of those teams that bring out the worst takes in media because on paper they should be good. So now if they're not good, if they don't win this series, do they hate playing with each other?

They hate each other.

Who did playoff P fuck?

Oh, yeah.

It very quickly turns into someone's girlfriend got pregnant with playoff P.

Because it makes those like, hey, maybe they're just not that good.

But no, no, no, no, no.

They were supposed to be the best.

This was supposed to be their town now.

So we have to find a different reason for why they suck. We were led to believe believe is my favorite take because it's usually the people who did the leading to believe correct that then say we were led to yes we were told that they were going to be a superstar team that would win multiple titles and it's like no you you told us that yeah and then you incepted yourself into thinking everyone else thought the same way you do it but yeah it Eric Andre meme.
Shooting and being like, how could you do this? Exactly. I do think that I have fun watching Playoff P fail in the playoffs.
Yeah, I'm starting to. It's kind of fun.
I'm not there, but I'm getting close. Picture me actually feeling bad for Playoff P.
I'm not there yet. No, but picture me feeling bad for playoff P.
At that point, you... And then switching back and forth between feeling bad and making fun of him with my dick in your clip.
I didn't watch our Nuggets, but this is a matchup nightmare for them. And also Mello fucking putting it to the Denver crowd who were booing him.
I love it. CJ too.
Yeah, CJ as well. Wild.
Yeah, wild. He played there.
He was drafted. And now he's playing there.
Wait, so when he was against them, opponent locker room. Wow.
Same building? Yes. They changed the name.
Now it's ball. I feel bad for Jokic because he's going to be like remember that year when dirk won the uh mvp but they were still giving out mvps like during the second round like they physically were and he had to go accept it even though they'd already been balanced like that's going to happen to jokic so you know what else is wild about carmelo so he played in that same building after he was drafted his His coach in college, you guessed it, Buddy Boeheim's dad.
Oh. Wait.
Is it also Jimmy Boeheim's dad? It is. Oh, wild.
Crazy. Wild.
Small world, guys. All right.
The Sixers, Wizards. Bullets.
In the playoffs, we call them the Bullets. The Bullets.
I just love Ben Simmons' stat line. He also can't shoot free throws.
That's the most Ben Simmons' stat line ever. He went six points, 15 rebounds, 15 assists.
He didn't shoot a free throw. He really is.
He might be the greatest basketball player who cannot score of all time. I think he's kind of like he's broken the game.
You would think that it would be impossible for a guy that is bad at shooting to be an elite basketball player. But he's somehow figured out a way to be insanely good at basketball while also not scoring points, which is like he's just such a good facilitator.
Yeah. He is like the apex.
There is that guy who exists in every pickup basketball game who can do literally everything but shoot the basketball. It's like, how does he just jump over everyone? How does he dribble past everyone? But he can't shoot.
He just forgot that part of the game. What do you think would solve his – because he obviously is a very good athlete.
He's an incredible athlete. He's got it in his system to potentially be good at shooting a basketball.
It's in there somewhere. Like a hypnotist? I kind of like the fact that I feel like the Sixers maybe – I mean, we'll see because they're the one seed and the East is kind of theirs to win.
Obviously, nets are loaded but like maybe they figured it out that like just never expect ben simmons to score more than 15 points and you're good he can do everything else it's okay to do everything else yeah he i mean he is an incredible defender and i mean you can't get like a more physically dominating point guard in in like his height and everything so maybe that's just. I mean, obviously it helped that Tobias Harris went off.
Him and Embiid, though, shooting free throws at the end of the game is a nightmare. Yeah, just take them both out.
Yeah. That's your two best defensive guys.
All right, and so we've waited long enough. Let's talk about Bron Bron.
Him dying. First of all, is he going to Him dying.
First of all, I think before we talk about LeBron, we should make sure. Jake, can you look up and make sure that LeBron James is healthy and that he doesn't have a serious injury that he's sustained? I would feel bad personally joking about that if he was hurt, if he was like in the hospital.
What's the outcome of that?

He's okay?

His Wikipedia says he's alive. He should have

been suspended for this game, by the way.

For the tequila party. That is the

funniest part to me, because

what would LeBron James have to do

to get suspended by Adam Silver?

Shoot up an airport?

Kill Adam Silver's family?

Adam Silver would be like,

I sympathize with the players' concerns

over travel restrictions. Yeah, and we really need these ratings for game one.
Yeah. Wait, so did you see the theory that it was a Kardashian setup? Because that's her.
Which one? Kylie? Kendall dates Devin Booker. And it's Kendall's tequila, and she was trying to get him suspended for game one.
Which, why would you do game one? Like, the Lakers never win game ones. So, or LeBron doesn't.
Like, that's kind of his thing. Believe me, I've been on the other side of him.
When, like, the Bulls used to beat him in game one, I'd be like, this is the year. That was his feeling out there.
It's going to happen. Yeah.
And then you just fucking rip your soul out. So, the injury.
Well, CP3, that was such a classic CP3 moment where it's like, oh, of course he's going to get injured, which I think still will happen. But it was a freak thing.
Sucks, but he came back, and I don't know how injured he is. But only to be upstaged by LeBron, which I, so put this clip, like actually put the clip, Liam, while we're talking about it.
If you notice, so LeBron goes down after a guy who's like a foot smaller than him boxes him out. And LeBron's basically dead on the ground, sniper shot from the ceiling.
A pretty much dislocated shoulder. Right.
So he's got all the eyes on him. And then a funny thing happens.
My man campaign decides, you know what, I'm going to step up for my teammates. A little scuffle, a little brouhaha happens around the elbow three-point area.
Right? LeBron looks up and he sees, oh no, all the attention is off of me. So the scuffle happens.
LeBron gets up. He walks over no all the attention is off of me so the scuffle happens lebron gets up

he walks over to where the scuffle happened and then he collapses again at that exact spot

so that everyone then looks at lebron and his pretty much broken shoulder and i just have to say

chef's kiss that was truly the goat of like lebron you know injury antics which i i'm

I'm sorry. just have to say chef's kiss that was truly the goat of like lebron you know injury antics which i i'm actually now getting to the point where i love it because it just adds such a funny element to the game and of course people say you guys are lebron haters yes i'm a lebron hater but i also admit that he's fucking insane second best player of all time yada yada yada if you can't at least laugh and be like dude this is ridiculous the guy who never gets injured is always getting injured in the most horrific fashion oh i flipped on lebron's injury thing in the playing game when he like pull it up when he opened up his eyes and it looked like he was actually dead he lebron james thought that he was dead yes during the play like it was yeah he got poked in the eye but if you're inside his brain he actually thought either he'd been sucked into the vortex and he was playing with a tune squad again or he thought that he was seriously dead and he opens his eyes and it was a miracle and and in his brain it's a miracle that he was able to play in that game in this game i don't think he does it on purpose i think it's just like part of his nature theatrics this is just what ever since he's been involved with the epl yeah he's like he's learned he's been doing this forever remember when he dove into the cameras watch this watch this ready okay so he goes down yep and he's writhing and he's writhing in pain and now okay everyone's watching lebron oh no the camera's going to this fight okay then he sits up okay wow this fight everyone's looking at this fight lebron is left uh dying the paint, and no one is paying attention to him.
This is tragic. LeBron then gets up, finds the energy to just walk over, and then gets the exact same spot where the scuffle happened, and he's dead again.
And he goes back down on his knees, where he then has the trainers check him out at the scene of the fight. It's just, it is the most.

It was also, let's be honest.

I can't get enough of it. It was kind of a borderline dirty play on Chris Paul.

I can't get enough of it.

On the rebound.

Did you see that?

So, like, Chris Paul grabs him, tries to do the Kelly Olenek,

but Chris Paul is just too small that he can't.

He's not strong enough to pull his arm out of his shoulder,

and that's what sent him down onto the ground. So, like, I think, the ground.
So I think that's what LeBron was actually saying was the injury. I don't think it had anything to do with the fall.
I think it was the pull that he was trying to embellish to the point of having a stage two separation. Right.
Oh, my God. I was watching it, and it's truly like I know people always like, hey, you need to really appreciate living through the LeBron era.
I appreciated that moment when he had the wherewithal to get up and get re-injured in the exact spot where all the action and cameras were. That is just truly special.
And I know LeBron fans will be like, oh, you're, you know, stop talking about his fault. He makes it part of his game.
It's fair game to talk about this because every game he dies. And every game he's awesome.
And he's probably going, I, responsibly, 1-800-GAMBLER, if you have a problem, I think the Lakers, game two is the lock of my lifetime. I think LeBron will answer.

You know what I mean?

And AD, like we said, he forgets that he's a seven-footer.

He thinks he's a mouse.

He's an elephant.

The Lakers will be fine in this series,

and LeBron will start dominating,

and it will all be for naught.

But, I mean, Suns, it was fun to see the Suns crowd,

their jerseys back in the playoffs, all that stuff.

And they have a fucking good team. Their team is awesome.
I disagree with you. I think the Suns are going to win.
Really? I think they're going to win the series. I've just been down this path too many times.
It's just too many times for LeBron to give up game one and to be like, oh, there it is. The only thing is I think he's met his match with Chris Paul.
I feel like they're two sides of the same coin. When he wants to take over, he can't.
He's still, when he wants to be the most dominating player, like, what, he scored 18 points today? Like, he didn't push it. He took 13 shots.
He was hungover, big cat. And AD was not good.
AD, like, I do think that that obviously is, LeBron can obviously only do so much at his age, which is a lot, but he does need Anthony Davis to play like peak Anthony Davis, and I'm sure that will happen too. And then the Lakers will win six or seven, and then we'll be like, oh, well, that was fun to think that the Suns had a chance.
Nope. Suns are going to win.
Hold on. This is biz snoring.
Oh, did he stop? All right, the Mecca. The Mecca is back.
The Mecca was rocking big time. The Knicks fan base.
It's cool to see this. It's cute.
Oh. They're just happy to be here.
Wow. You think that's cute? Oh, okay.
Well, I saw they lost the game today. They did, yeah.
They were in it. They had a chance to win.
They didn't. But isn't that...
There were so many Knicks fans that were like, that was so much fun. But I...
This is awesome. I didn't actually see any Knicks fans being like, this is so much fun.
I'm just glad to be here. I saw a person that was there that was like, that was awesome.
That was their takeaway from the game. Trigger warning for Knicks fans, but I'm going to say this.
Isn't the epitome of Knicks basketball being back

is to have an awesome player

go to the Mecca and just

rip the soul out of all Knicks fans?

That's kind of Knicks basketball, at least

since I've been alive.

That actually should feel

really back.

It's really familiar.

Like, oh, this is Reggie Miller or

Michael Jordan or Scottie Pippen.

This feels good. The atmosphere did look

cool, though. Having the Mecca

Thank you. really comfortable.
Yeah, familiar. Like, oh, this is Reggie Miller or Michael Jordan or Scottie Pippen.
Like, this feels good. The atmosphere did look cool, though.
Like, having the Mecca rocking like that. Yeah.
And the Knicks lead the league, and it's been so long since they've had a playoff game, and it is fun. I'm rooting for them because I want Derrick Rose to do well, and I do love Tom Thibodeau, who needs to size up in his Q-zip.
He needs to. Like, I'm sorry, but he needs to.
He looks like a Pixar villain when he's, like, squeezed into that thing. Yeah, a little bit.
I think, like, with his slick back hair and the French last name and the hard coach, he's basically a hockey coach. Yeah, right.
Right. Exactly.
He is a hockey coach. So I like the suit not fitting.
If Thibs rolled out there looking like GQ, that would be concerning to me. The players wouldn't play as hard for Tibbs if he wore an outfit that fit.
I do think the Knicks are going to win this series. I do think they'll make adjustments.
And I love that the Mecca leads the league in dudes rocking jerseys with nothing underneath. It's fucking awesome.
And it's every age. You see eight-year-olds, you can see 60-year-old Wall Street guys, they got the jersey on, and they got no t-shirt underneath.
Gold chain underneath, though. Gold chain works.
Gold chain is the only thing that's permitted. It's something about that look that brings a springtime, summertime playoff energy that I love.
I just love it. Also, it's been a while since somebody has had to shush the crowd at MSG.

Yeah.

So, like, although Trey Young does need some work on his shushing,

it was like his shush was, like, his finger was at his forehead, basically. It was a weird shush.

He was covering up the hairline, I think.

But it was a weird shush.

He needs work on that.

But that kind of goes along with having a guy suck the soul out.

Like, getting shushed at MSG by

an opposing player. I don't know.
It brought back

Reggie Miller to me a little bit. Yes, yes, exactly.

And Spike Lee looking like, how

could this happen? Well, it happens all the time.

But it's good that it's happening.

That's my point. I do want them to

win. I want to see multiple rounds

of playoffs. I want to see Nets versus Knicks,

which I think would only happen in the

Eastern Conference Final.

But that would be sick.

All right.

And then the Jazz are playing right now.

I don't know.

They're the Jazz.

I mean, they should be playing the Warriors.

But again, I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to say that.

It was cool that we had that Wednesday night moment.

It's awesome that we don't have Steph Curry in the playoffs, even though they had the eighth seat.

Again, not going to say it.

F1.

Monaco. Monaco.
Did we give him the PMT bump? I think so. Christian Hornier.
We'll take credit for it. He pissed in the right toilet.
He found his lucky toilet, and Matt Verstappen took the checkered flag. Yes.
And that was talking F1. They're back.
And then soccer ended today. By the i saw episode two yeah or no no episode four now okay fucking renault with the with the contract dispute and then they fucking get ricardo yeah yeah spoiler alert it's crazy well yeah if you haven't watched yet but he's he's on that team and also the team has totally changed their name yeah i noticed that today when i was looking at the same i was like i was like where's reno yeah yeah but it's fun to talk f1 and also i learned what a gearbox is yeah what is a gearbox because i it's a box of gears okay that makes sense i i i'm just so thrilled that i have a new uh group of fans that i can just pretend i know what i'm talking about and then them get mad at me and then me be like, okay, whatever.

Like I didn't even.

Is Red Bull racing bad for F1?

No, but the Constructors Cup is back on.

Oh.

Yeah.

That's what they call it.

Constructors.

Is it Constructors?

I think it's Constructors, right?

Do you seriously just look at me like I. What do you get when you win the Constructor? Constructor? The Constructor Standings.
Yeah. I just added a cup.
That's fine. It's the table.
Yeah, yeah. But there's two tables.
Yeah. There's the singular table, and then there's the team table.
Right, team table. Yeah, Max Verstappen is on the top of the regular.
Well, he's not a great teammate. Oh, he just got a text.
No, he got a notification. Okay.
I think after the interview, we should tell him what happened with McDavid at the end of his game. What happened? Save it.
Teaser. Hey, tell us what happened.
No. Oh, okay, we'll see.
He got... No, something did happen.
They lost. They blew a 4-1 lead.
Oh, wow. Okay.
What did McDavid do? He retired. Yeah, his team is fucked.
He decided to retire. He took his jersey off.
Yeah. He said, I'm out of here.
All right, let's do our Who's Back of the Week. Then we have Biz.
And then at the end, we'll wake him up. We'll do a little Monday reading and we'll do a little I had another kid talk.
All right. Who's Back of the Week is brought to you by Cash App, the stock market, investing through Cash App, buying and selling Bitcoin.
That is all back. Yeah, you can do it all on the Cash App.
It's super easy to do. It links directly to your bank account.
It's awesome. So go check out the Cash App, buy and sell Bitcoin, and play some stock market stock market.
And of course, when you download the cash app, enter the referral code barstool, you get $10, uh, for free, $10 to the ASPCA, download the cash app from the app store, Google play store today and get involved with our friends at the cash app. Also shout out the cash app.
They're the ones who got us, uh, Christian Horner on Friday. So if you like that interview, If you want us to talk about F1, please support the cash app they're the ones who got us uh christian horner on friday so if you like that interview if you want us to talk about f1 please support the cash app okay hank who's back my who's back i have a couple first one's chugging beers yugging or chugging yugging i mean it's part of it's both of my who's backs are crowd related uh but that's just you know taylor luwan our co-worker Bustle with the boys Taywon Taywon What about What about Zach Wilson

He didn't

He didn't yug a beer. He yugged a H2O.
He yugged a water. Really? That's responsible.
Yeah, because he's Mormon. Love it.
My other hoots back is old jerseys. I thought it was because he was under 21.
Oh, he might be. That's actually not a bad explanation.
If I were him, I would give that because he would definitely get carded if he went to try to buy a beer and he could be like, I didn't have my ID on it. Right.
Old jerseys. I was on the way to work today.
I saw a guy in a Porzingis jersey. Yeah, the Porzingis one makes no sense.
I think it's because of the pandemic. People haven't been going to games.
They haven't been buying jerseys. So it's like you basically have a two-year window where you're like, oh, fuck, let's just go.
And it's been two years, so that player might not be on the team anymore. But it's also something that's fun about going to games in general where it's like you walk around and you see at any game the most random old jerseys.
But it's one of those little quirks you kind of forgot about with crowds not being around that it's fun to see again. Lollapalooza is going to be a big city for that.

No, but Porzingis was like the guy here for a minute.

Oh, yeah.

A minute.

The unicorn.

Yeah.

Okay.

Good job, Hank.

Nice, Hank.

Did you have a good weekend?

It was all right.

Friday night you showed your ass?

Yep.

Yeah.

On a live stream?

Congratulations.

Thanks.

I didn't think that you had that dump.

No, yeah.

A little junk in the trunk?

A little cake.

Did you have any... Was it true that you had some streak marks?

No.

Okay.

Thank you for addressing that.

You're welcome.

I also – I invited Hank to hang out with me on Friday after the stream,

and he just never replied to me, so I think that's a feather in his cap.

Oh, well, you can thank business.

I mean, we were doing a lot of Pink Whitney shots.

I was pretty buckled by the end of the game.

I just went home and went to sleep. Okay.
Responsible. Yeah.
Responsible Hank. Somewhat responsible, yeah.
Biz kind of, they put me in a blender. Yeah, yeah.
That will happen. My who's back of the week is cicadas.
Cicadas are officially back. And a couple weeks ago when we talked about cicadas, I said be on the lookout for cicada content because we hadn't had like a cicada resurgence since the blogosphere has really been a thing cicada content is way more fucked up than i thought it was going to be like there's some cicada freaks out there there's just waiting to shine there's a guy that's like making action figures of like demonic uh like characters and comic book characters out of cicada shells.

It's fucking disturbing. Of course, there's

all sorts of cicada recipes

and ways to cook them

and ways to prepare them and fun things like

that that are kind of gross, but

we predicted that. I did not think that the internet

had freaks that would basically

jack off to cicada porn.

Ugh. Weirdos.

Look up the cicada shell action figures. Yes.
It's frankly disturbing. Ugh.
Is that it? Who's back? Yeah. Who's back? Also, Man City.
Man City's back. Yeah, they are.
What'd they do? They won top of the table for EPL. Nice.
Man City, bitch, man. Man City.
Swans might be coming up. You said soccer ended today? Who won? Man City.
Yeah. yeah top of the table swans might be coming up

next saturday they play uh a game to decide if they're coming up at wembley no big deal uh all right my who's back is uh just a whoa stat for you um there was on friday no thursday maybe the 20,000th MLB player of all time debuted, which is fucking crazy that if you think about it, this goes back to, I don't know, 1870 or something, 20,000 players, that's it. So if you took every player who's appeared in a single game of Major League Baseball, they wouldn't even come close to filling a Major League Baseball stadium.
When you put it that way, it's kind of weird. It's crazy to think only 20,000 players have ever played Major League Baseball.
It also puts into perspective just how incredible of a human being Dan Heron is. Correct.
Because he's one of 20,000. And really he's more like one of 5,000 who were really good at baseball.
And Dan Heron has gotten hits off of, what, two of those? Yes. Maybe upwards of five of those 20,000.
What was Albert Pujols' stat? He's gotten hits off like 9% of anyone that's ever pitched in baseball. Not really that impressive.
Well, it's not as impressive when you realize that, like, for 75 of, like, the 150 years of baseball, it was pretty much just, like, the Yankees playing the Dodgers every year. Yeah.
There were, like, three guys named gentlemen that were pitching. Yeah.
A guy with three fingers. The best player in baseball had three fingers for, like, a decade.
Yes. Yeah.
But that's just a crazy stat. 20,000? Because you think, I would have guessed way more if I had no knowledge of it.
Thinking about 150 years of the game being played. 20,000.
That is wild. 20,000.
It was a backup catcher for the Seattle Mariners, which is kind of cool. He got into the game? He was the 20,000th player to appear in a game.
Does he win anything? I don't think so. Is it like at a supermarket when you're their millionth customer? I wonder how many of those 20,000 only played less than 10 games.
Yeah, just got up. A cup of coffee? Yeah.
A cup of coffee in the MLB is such a cool thing to say. I actually saw an article the other week, and I meant to click on it, and I feel bad that I didn't click on it, so if somebody could summarize it for me.
But basically saying, if you get labeled as a middle reliever in baseball,

you're fucked.

Yeah.

Unless you go out there and you have a streak of 20 awesome games in a row

as a middle reliever, you're fucked,

and you're just going to move around for the rest of your career,

and you'll pitch two innings a game like every other game.

Because no one wants to actually pay you real money.

You'll never become a closer. You'll never become a starter.
i think cup of coffee in major league baseball might be the coolest like not like coolest like i was an athlete but not i didn't i wasn't like a star kind of thing to say yeah maybe maybe drafted in in like i don't know maybe drafted in the nba or nfl but then then people like what went wrong yeah how come you didn't last cup of coffee in Major League Baseball means like you climbed it like you did it you went through some shit there's way more grinders than oh my god MLB versus NBA or NFL because it's just like there's so many less people you have to be super super talented just to get in. Right.
And then you usually flame out.

Right.

It would also be sick if you were like a running back that scored,

I don't know, like a backup running back that got in,

scored a few touchdowns, and became like a fantasy must start

for like three games to end out a season.

Right.

And then no one ever heard from you again.

Yes, that would be cool.

Because then you'd at least have like a built-in fan base of guys who are like,

Peyton Hillis.

Thank you for winning the season.

Yeah, what's his name?

Gray?

Jonas Gray. Jonas Gray, yeah.
He was on the cover of Sports Illustrated, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Slept in. Yeah.
Jake, who's your, who's back? I have one. Did you guys see this Mariners lineup first? You're talking about the Mariners.
There's like two or three guys that I think are like recognizable names. Let me see it.
Let me see it. I'll tell you.
Donovan Walton, leadoff hitter. Mitch Hanager, Kyle Seager.
Kyle Seager's recognizable. Kyle Lewis.
I've heard of those three then. Jose Godoy.
That's the guy. That's the 20,000th.
Yeah. Jose Godoy.
Right. 20,000th.
Sam Haggerty, Jacob Nottingham, Jack Mayfield, and Justin Dunn. But they had some kid who came up recently who's supposed to be a superstar.
The Mariners are low-key and this is now just a direct shot at our friend Spencer Hawes who may or may not be trying to get Kwame Brown on the show. Jared Kellinick, the one from the mess, right? Jared Kellinick, he's going to be sick.
The Mariners are like one of those teams. It's kind of like Minnesota sports and the Seattle Mariners.
You don't really understand the sadness until you actually look into it a little bit. You're like, oh, shit.
They haven't been in the playoffs ever since 2001. Pretty much never.
And they had Ken Griffey Jr. and Randy Johnson and A-Rod.
I mean, that team was one that you could just name Jay Buhner. Yeah.
And they had all those. They had Ken Griffey Jr., A-Rod.
Tino Martinez. Was Tino on it? Yeah, I think he was.
E-Tiro. Yeah, I mean, that's later.
But I'm saying they had A-Rod and Ken Griffey Jr. and Randy Johnson and Edgar Martinez all at the height of their powers.
Those are four Hall of Famers and nothing to show for it. That's, it's sad.
So I didn't mean to do that. That was a complete tangent.
I apologize to Mariners fans. That's complete assault.
But it's more actually saying we feel your pain. When was the last time they went to the playoffs? 2001? 2001.
And what was their record? Was that the... 116 and 46.
Yeah, they lost to the White Sox, right? In the first round. No, they lost to the Yankees in the alcs in the alcs okay never mind they beat the white socks in the first round maybe they beat the indians and just white socks i think you're thinking i think you're thinking of the year they broke the record yes that's right and then they lost in the first yes they was that the year before 2000 2000 what they hit was the record 91 and 71 okay so that wasn't the record no it was 01 was 116 116 and 46

holy 2000? What was the record? 91-71. Okay.
So that wasn't the record. No, it was 01 was 116.
116. And 46.
Holy shit. Yeah.
That's insane. They had a couple years where they were really, really good and missed the playoffs too.
116 wins though? 116. They lost the AL Championship Series.
So they did win a round. They won a round in the playoffs.
But it's been 20 years. 2001 and 2000.
It's been i remember i went to i went to a game out there like three years ago awesome great park great park great food great food yeah great park really cool highly recommend it but i looked up and there was like a banner that said al west 2001 or whatever it might not even been the al west then um and i was like holy shit is that the last time they went to the playoffs? And it was. And this is your sad Mariners.
They've won like mid-90s amounts of games. This is really sad.
I'm sorry. A couple times.
And they get to the playoffs when that happens. I really apologize.
Oh, they know. They know.
No, I know. But it's just very sad to like say.
But you know what? They probably appreciate the fact that it's being brought up because sometimes when you're playing out West on a team that's as unremarkable as the Mariners are, you lose that vibe of being the most lovable losing franchise.

But they have a coolness factor because of Ken Griffey Jr. They should be lovable losers at this point.
And it really is, it's more shining a light, like, when you talk about, like, these certain cities where you're like, oh, yeah, it's worth, like, we always talk about Cleveland, or we always talk about you know the bills like but no there are some there's some really bad ones out there um all right enough of that let's do our interview with paul bissonette and then we're gonna wake him up and that should be very exciting uh our interview with biz was brought to you by our friends all protein bars generally generally taste the same, but not OneBars. OneMade protein bars are actually delicious with Reese's and Hershey's.
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Paul missed the net. Okay, we now welcome on the man, the myth, the legend.
I'm running on fumes right now. I literally just farted his entire way into the studio.
Outside the door. Outside the door.
Did it trail me? Oh, yeah. I heard it, and then I was like oh yeah oh yeah i'm getting us yeah i got a little bit it's paul bisonette you can probably smell it through your earphones yeah i got caught in the tracksito shorts i tried to i tried to give it the old is there anything worse there's nothing worse than being like all right i'm doing the right thing i'm gonna fart outside of the room and just having it just i actually.
I actually didn't give one fuck. I wish I would have let it rip right in the middle of the street.
You should have. If you got another one, just let it go.
Biz is beaming right now. He says that he's running on fumes, but this is Biz Nasty in his element.
He's done four streams in four days. An Iron Man streak, some may say, will never be beaten by anybody.
Hardest working man in media. Phil in the media.
I would say Phil Mickelson, Paul Bissonette achievement this week. No, you.
Four straight days, kind of like a major. Yeah, yeah.
But this is actually technically five. And should we talk about it, or is this a sensitive subject? Because he beat.
We already talked about it on the show earlier. Yeah, I don't know why you're coming at Brooks.
We brought you on to talk about nba so is lebron james the toughest person in sports i haven't been following any basketball yeah let's talk hockey has taken over the sports universe you are a twitter account right now you are the person that we were talking about on the show that replies irrelevant and says talk about talk about hockey why are you talking about but here we are let's talk about some hockey have some questions. Where do we start? Would you want to start with the question we asked right before this whole taping started? You looked up.
You saw the Avs closed out the Blues. I wasn't even paying attention.
Is anyone beating the Avs? I don't know. But I tell you what.
Everybody in hockey has been waiting for avalanche gold nights. And I think everybody was skeptical on whether it was going to happen.
Minnesota came in with a bit of a wagon. They made a late push at the season where everyone was like, oh, geez, are they going to knock off Vegas? I think it's going to be Vegas, Colorado, and it's going to be a juggernaut of a series, and we are going to see it.
You think whoever wins that series wins a cup? I think that those are two of the biggest heavyweights. I mean, we talked about it, I time i came on the show when i predicted that the philadelphia flyers were going to win the stanley cup you just did that to yourself i don't remember that at all like you just cell phoned it i thought maybe some team from the north would have an an easy entry to the final four where they wouldn't have been tested as the abs or golden knights would in the second round what so wait uh the other kind of sucks that the two best teams get to go face off in the second round yep and also that john taveras got hurt and is probably out do you think he's out for the playoffs i would assume i mean i don't know they said no structural damage but i mean with concussions and how serious it was and then and then actually there was reports that came out afterward about how his knee had been injured now well yeah his knee probably got injured because look i'm not telling the the equipment staff i'm not a trainer what to do but that was that was a lot of dead weight look when they went to try to like they picked him up like a puddle they tried to pick him up like he was water and he was just flopping everywhere because he was very concussed it was basically will fer Ferrell in the Flint Tropics, whatever that movie is, where they're just dangling him.
They were playing origami with Tavares' body. What does that mean when you say no structural damage, but he has a concussion? What is part of the structure? Well, I thought originally they thought that maybe his orbital bone had been smashed because his knee hit him right in the face, right? So no structural important but as far as a concussion is concerned it could be yeah it could be three to four weeks based on like how that that looked what you think about the fight after because i know there's a lot of people who were very upset about it i think it's partly because it's cory perry which i understand and there was a lot of people like what are you doing there's like that's not going to make John Tavares come back but I the way I saw it was it's guys who are competing at a high level playoff hockey emotional you don't know that it was a complete accident and then your initial reaction is we got to defend our fucking guy fair mind you at the face off circle Foligno said I know it was an accident but do this.
So many variables. Okay, so that is then like old-school meatball shit.
It's the most hockey thing ever. You have to be like, hey, no hard feelings, but let's fight you.
I didn't know he said that. I'm going to punch you in the face.
No offense. All variables considered.
Foligno comes over from Columbus. He wants to make an impact.
First series, the captain gets knocked out. It happens to a guy who's a bit of a – he's a heel.
Corey Perryry yes yes that's what i'm saying it's it's there are certain guys when they hit someone even if it's an accident you just assume he did it on purpose yeah cory perry's in that so he so he wants to implement a little bit of pain to cory perry for implementing pain to his team in a sense and on the flip side of that is when something like that happens in the midst of a game let alone a playoff game the the both benches are completely depleted because they're both concerned about the health of the player in my opinion that Foligno fight right off the face off with Corey Perry completely resets the mindset of both teams to we're right back in the midst this is playoff hockey not to say it didn't happen but we're trying to forget about it as soon as possible. So I actually liked that.
I thought the rest of the game was awesome. It was very competitive, given the fact that something as serious as that and the game got fucking kind of timed out for, what, 15, 20 minutes as he took the Iron Pony off the ice.
It's almost like a Kickstarter back into the game. It It was a kickstarter back into the game and the fact that he gave the thumbs up on the way out I think let his own team know, hey, I'm going to be alright.
So it was very sad in one sense but it was nice to see the game get back going in the other. What about the Caps Bruins series? I'm just going to assume it's the first intermission right now.
It's 0-0. Caps have looked pretty bad in their last four periods of hockey.
At the beginning of the show, you might be doing soggy sorrows. But I'm already accepting the fact that the Caps will probably lose this game.
They're like 99% chance going to lose this series because they don't look like themselves. They look old.
They look injured. They're banged up.
They're very banged up. Thank you.

Okay, so that's the spin zone.

I was wondering what spin zone I was going to use.

But if we were at full strength, then this is a different series.

Apparently, Oshie's banged up.

Uh-huh.

And, yeah, it's just not their year.

So when it comes to Ovi, he's a free agent.

It could be.

Yeah, it could be.

It's not their year.

Paul Bissonette, who said it's the Flyers.

You know what?

And you could say I took that personally.

You fucking asshole.

So what happens after the season? Because Ovi's a free agent going into this offseason. He's going to Buffalo.
Shut up. I think I'd probably be okay with that.
I'd probably be fine with Ovi going to the Sabres. But I don't want to see him play for another team.
Do you think that – because he said it's like I either want to play for the Capitals or I want to play in Russia for the rest of my career. Do you see him going somewhere else? Yeah, Russia.
Okay. So there you go.
I'm fine with that. Him and Putin team up for like 20 combined goals a game.
Where did you land on the Tom Wilson shit? I know where Whitney was. I mean, take a guess.
Well, no. I think I was in here when it all happened.

No, no.

No, no.

Like I'm saying.

That was another Tom Wilson. The Rangers.

Yeah.

With the Rangers.

Where did you land?

We know where, you know, Whit landed.

I landed on the fact that Panarin went spider monkey on his back.

Right.

And in the heat of the moment, he threw him off.

And as a Rangers fan, yeah, I probably wouldn't be happy.

But, yeah, I thought that no suspension was the right call and um and that was it we moved on yeah and do you think that there's like so it feels like obviously they've phased out fighting in hockey and part of that's not true well it's definitely different than if you check the analytics well if you check the analytics to this year it rise like 40? And people credit it to the fact that it was all this indivision play. But I think that the hate has brewed back up in the NHL, and you're seeing it in these playoffs.
And that's why, more so than any sport, I think that hockey has, it just rises to another level when it gets to playoff hockey. Every fucking whistle, there's a scrum.
The hatred is real. Every series in the first round is competitive, unlike the sick league where half the series are 4-0.
The abs just swept the blues. That's correct.
That's the one sweep of the series. That's because the abs are, in fact, a juggernaut.
What about this, Biz? I think that there's more fighting in hockey this year because it's kind of a backlash. The players are backlashing against the media because the media has gotten so soft.
Correct. You've got the number one hockey podcast, Spitting Chicklets, basically neutering the game and trying to take all the physicality out of it.
And the players are out there, and they're like, you know what? We're going to prove to you that this is still a physical game, even though the media is trying to drag us in this one direction. Do you agree with that? I 100% agree with that.
You can't play the game on a spreadsheet. You cannot.
That's, I mean, there's, I do think that less fighting than 20 years ago is good, but you'll never get it all the way out of the game, nor should it be all the way out of the game. Now you say say that half-jokingly where the media kind of brought it to this place, and obviously concussions are at the forefront right now, and everybody's trying to understand what's going on with that, but I think that for a period of time, everyone was kind of in this neutral standpoint of like, is the game getting a little bit softer? Should we maybe take out the fighting? And it's gone right back the other way.
But your explanation of the Corey Perry situation in that series between the Leafs and the Canadiens was the perfect example of a player's perspective versus a media's perspective, where I'm not thinking... Media members were going, why is this happening? And what you just said...
Well, there's a lot of reasons. You had 20 minutes...
Foligno needs to prove himself to his new franchise to say, I'm fucking here and I'm ready to stick up for my teammates. On the flip side of that, you've got a guy on the other team who I would assume most guys in the Leafs locker room hate his guts, which most other members in the league hate his guts, Corey Perry, because every time he shows up to play in a game, he's showing up to win.
And whether that's landing on the goalie, taking a cheap shot here, taking a cheap shot there, and that was their response. And even though it was an accident, I thought it reset the tone to the series, and I thought it was the right play.
But that's the part that I think everyone misses, what you said. Like, you've got 20 minutes, you're just standing around on the ice, hoping that John Tavares is okay.
The Bruins just scored. Hoping John Tavares is okay, and then you've got to kind of be like, hey, guys, let hey guys let's get back into this like it's playoff hockey and that kick-started it so um I do appreciate your perspective on that I have a question about the Lightning who also that is another series so actually if you actually look at it I think it's going to be as sweep if the Bruins win this that'd be 4-1 if the Lightning win their next one that'd be 4-1.
But you're right. Everything's competitive.
I think the Lightning are only up 2-1 right now. I thought they were up 3-1.
I thought they were up 3-1, too. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Oh, was there a game this afternoon? You've been doing so many streams. It's probably hard.
I think they added that Lightning up. What did you think about the complaints about the Kucharov coming in? Well, now he's hurt, but the salary cap, because I know people were pissed about it.

I personally think that you can't complain about it

because those are the rules.

Also, as a Blackhawks fan, the Blackhawks did the exact same thing

in 2015 with Kane.

So for people who don't know, in the NHL,

the salary cap doesn't exist for the playoffs. So the argument argument is kucherov does it exist in any league well no but i'm saying like you can have you can be over the cap in the playoffs well can you get penalized for that in uh nba yeah you can't be yeah i think there's like okay i think you have to be under the cap or there's a luxury okay but either way the in the the NHL, you could put someone on long-term injured reserve and their money doesn't count and then sign a bunch of guys.
And then when you get to the playoffs, if they get healthy, oh, wow. I think the Blackhawks were about $5 million over the cap in 2015.
Yeah, they activate them as the playoffs are kicking off. What are you saying, Hank? It's 2-1.
Oh, it's? In the Lightning Series. Oh, really? Are you sure? That's a loud 2-1.
That is a loud 3-1. I'm pretty sure it's 3-1.
Hank, did they play that? I think they played this after. Yeah, 3-1.
3-1. It's 3-1.
You missed the game. Oh, God, I got it.
My bad. Wow, Hank.
So you're cool with it, though, because I know some people were complaining. Is he the statistician? Well, Jake doesn't have a microphone right now, but Jake, right after Hank said that, Jake shook his head.
He was, like, factually incorrect. Should we have a wrestling match right here to solve this? He'll fuck you up.
Jake will fuck you up. Not me, him and Hank.
Do you think they'll fix that? That salary cap gymnastics? I think that, yeah, I think maybe the next CBA they'll address it. There was things that they had to address last time.
Every time there's a few GMs, they'll read the whole CBA negotiation and they'll find a way to manipulate it. Whether it's like eating other teams, players that can't be in the lineup in order to gain draft picks and take on that salary.
I mean, the Coyotes have done it a few times. They took on Hosa.
They took on Datsuk. They took on the end of Chris Pronger's contract.
You guys are dominant. Yeah.
You found all the loose. Just a bunch of Hall of Famers playing a game for the organization.
Yeah. Chris Pronger.
Raise our jersey to the Raptors. So, all right.
I've accepted the fact that my team's not going to go anywhere. Big Cat doesn't have a dog in the fight.
I think you felt it when he was here. I did.
I did. Hank is a Bruins guy, so I guess technically he's still in, but who knows because the Capitals aren't shit and they beat them in the first round.

Jake's Panthers are down 2-1 or 3-1, depending on who you believe.

Right.

So I guess I'm asking who would be a good bandwagon team for us to hitch ourselves to.

Because I think we said at one point we would be a Maple Leafs as our Canadian team.

But now it's like now that Tavares is gone, not looking so great for them.

Should we stay with them?

Personally, I'm going to just go with the sport of hockey because I don't know if you know, but like playoff hockey is just different.

I'm cheering for a respectful handshake line.

Maybe Vegas because they delivered your first.

Oh, that's true.

I do owe them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Snap it around.

Flower.

I don't like Fleury.

He just broke my heart too many times.

There's some history there.

I could get the Avalanche like they're a young, fun team. I mean, McKinnon, what? I think he's leading the playoffs in goals right now.
Yeah. He's a fucking awesome.
I don't look at the individual numbers. That's spoken like a guy who never scored a goal.
Yeah. Seven.
Seven? Seven goals. What was your best goal? You should also add, as the years go on, no one will know.

If you just say, next year when we're doing this, I heard I had 12.

People wouldn't know.

Seven, and my best one was against the San Jose Sharks,

and I chased the goalie.

The goalie got pulled after I scored against him. I think the coach was like, yo, if this guy's fucking scoring,

then you're out of here.

What'd you do?

Retire.

Set me up.

Walk me through what was going on in your head for your best goal ever. It was the first game after All-Star break.
My legs were cramping up because I drank a lot in Vegas, and we ended up having a good time during that All-Star break. And then we were in the offensive zone against San Jose.
I think it was in the first or second period, actually.

And Oliver Ekman-Larsen set me up in the slot.

And it was the perfect setup.

And I ended up going to Top Cheese.

And it made it 3-0.

Top Cheese?

Were you meaning to?

Yeah, I think so.

In that moment, yes.

Did you have a celly ready to go?

We went up 3-0.

Oh, here we go.

Jake's got it right here.

Yeah, there you go.

And then they scored five unanswered. And we lost.
But I had my guy. You scored five unanswered? Oh, here we go.
Jake's got it right here. Yeah, there you go.
And then they scored five unanswered, and we lost. But I had my guy, and I scored.
You scored five unanswered? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Top cheddar. There's Niemi getting pulled.
Woo! You were jacked up. I had my guy, high fives to the bench, Todd McClellan, water bottle swig.
Get him out of there. Get the fuck out of here.
Get him out of there. Let's see your replay here.
All right. That was Oliver Eckman-Larsen.
Sick assist. assist boom who's in goal that that's your best goal ever huh yeah niemi i think yeah yeah i think he won a cup with the struggle blackhawks that was this was after so during the blackhawks runs were you were you just following them around trying to ride on their coattails patrick sharp was uh probably the nicest person of all time give you have had him on Spitting Chicklets? No, maybe before I was on.
He basically was like, yeah, you can come hang out. And when they won in 13 and 15, just like there was a moment where I was on the bus and it was like the whole team and just me.
And Kane was like, what are you fucking doing here? I was like, Sharp invited me. He gave me the what the fuck.
what the fuck oh yeah he was like who the fuck brought the blogger i was like which was fair for him but especially because like the media doesn't didn't wasn't really nice to patrick kane did he warm up after yeah yeah big time yeah he's probably the guy i just called this guy a blogger i should probably be nice to him i. I mean, I was.
That was my entire job then, so it was totally there. So now are you guys playing tummy sticks via DM? Who? You and Patrick Kane? I mean, I haven't talked to him in a while.
I think if I saw him on the street, he would say, what's up? Yeah. You saw him during his crazy days, too.
Yeah. Yes.
Yes. Yeah, he's cleaned her up quite a bit.
Yes. I think he has a kid.
Yeah. Yeah.
And should we mention we mention? No, no, it wasn't a setup. That was a segue to die.
That was literally me just saying. We already congratulated Big Cat earlier on the podcast.
You dump loads, we get it. Having a kid means nothing to everyone else.
You dump heavy loads, we get it. We call him the rope man.
Heavy, heavy. Is there a process to impregnating a girl? Like, do you guys, like, what's like...

You definitely have done it.

When a man and a woman love each other.

You've done it very much.

Do you think you'll ever be a father?

Maybe.

Yeah?

But I'm saying it's like when you know you want to get pregnant,

like, you go out together and, like, drink wine one night

and, like, you know, go for a nice dinner,

and then you just come home and you just raw dog,

just dumping load after load and hoping it connects. That was so romantic.
Is that how it goes? Yeah, and then a light bulb goes off. It's like, boom.
Yeah, I've always wondered, like, when you are getting a girl pregnant, do you know, like, the second after it happens? Do you walk away, you're like, Kobe? Are you dropping Peter North loads? Are you dropping big, heavy ones? Dude, Peter North is part of this show lore. He's Canadian.
He's part of this show lore. We showed him to Scott Van Pelt on our one episode.
You guys should get him on and ask how he was able to collect that. I want to have him.
We also showed him at the Mill Funter on the show because that guy went off the grid. Nobody has ever disappeared harder than the Mill Funter.
No, he pops up every now and then. I need to interview him.
People will take pictures with him in Florida. I think he lives in Key West.
Peter North, we also showed his cock to Peter King. We showed his cock to Peter King.
Peter King actually, he ate it. Yeah.
He was like, oh, well, that's a cock I know. He was like, that's a penis.
Weird. That's penis-ish.
That's a Peter. Hockey is on.
And no matter the city, no matter the team, no matter the game, whether it's face-off or penalty shots, regular season or playoffs, win or lose, no matter what happens, no matter where it happens new amsterdam vodka is there now here's more paul missing that real quick change of conversation you guys you guys talk about the the vegas flu a lot and you've documented that it's a very real thing you just talked about although that might have been you just sliding into the fact that you were injured again

when you scored a goal to make us realize how tough you are.

But the Vegas flu is real during the regular season.

Is it real during the playoffs?

Like, are teams going out in Vegas during playoff series?

No, playoff times, you guys lock it in.

Yeah.

You're an absolute degenerate if you're chasing it in playoffs.

I think there's enough times during the regular season where you can kind of unload. Although, on the flip side of that, the year St.
Louis went to their cup, apparently they were having a blast throughout the entire playoffs, getting lit up. Usually on the road, in the hotel, they had this away suite where you can play all the videos, games, and stuff.
And apparently they were getting buckled big time in their road suites wherever they were. And even when the LA Kings won their cup, every time they won a series, I think the 8th seed when they won it their first time, they were going out in Hollywood like three, four nights in a row, and they would just rip it up.
So as far as Vegas is concerned, I don't think anybody who's traveling to Vegas right now to win a Stanley Cup is drinking. The game has changed a little bit.
Yeah. I just like how you say Vegas.
Vegas? Vegas. Organization.
Yeah. The Vegas organization is top class.
Jake, what do you think? I think it's Vegas, but I think Vegas is cool. Jake just made you just made you...
He put you in his back pocket. Speaking of putting your back pocket, have you recovered from when I sweatered you on...
What was that? Wednesday night? I beat the fuck out of you. That was live stream one.
That felt like six months ago. I think that was live stream two.
I think that was actually the night that Big Cat impregnated his wife. That's not how it works.
That's not how it works. That's not how it works.
10 months ago? Was that 10 months ago? 12 hours. That's not how it works.
Should we explain the fact that girls are not pregnant for nine months? Yeah. Did you explain this to your followers? It's 10 months.
Yeah. No.
Biz, like I blew his mind. 10 months.
I had no clue. Because there's no month zero.
Yeah, it's 10 months.

I'm tired.

What else are we going to talk about?

All right.

What other big takeaways do you have from the playoffs?

I'm drinking a Coca-Cola right now. Yeah, I'm struggling, guys.

As I said, four live streams in a row, a couple interviews,

and I'll be just carrying this whole organization on my back.

It's like listing all the things you did, and it's like, that's a work week. What's the other? Oh, Edmonton's down 2-0.
McDavid has not recorded a point. That's taken over Canada.
They're up 2-0 in the game they're playing right now. Is he no longer McJesus? You guys call him that all the time.
It's like, I would think that a player that had earned that nickname would show up in the playoffs. It's hard because he's basically having to live up to Gretzky, right? Or Jesus.
Actually, no, Gretzky. Give us the rankings of young guys.
McKinnon. McKinnon's number two.
Awesome Matthews. In my opinion.
And then you're saying McDavid's number one? Yeah. McDavid's one because of the skill set.
I like McKinnon just because he's got this pit bull attitude to where he'll throw hits and he's like type A. He just wants to step on your throat.
And I embrace that in a competitor and a type of guy that I would want on my team as my first line center. Perfect biz jinx.
McDavid has two assists tonight. The Edmonton Oilers are up two assists.
I would have put a gazillion dollars on the fact that he would have put up a point after getting shut out in his two first games at home. That was the easiest bet in his year.
Did you guys bet that? They were wearing the worst. Did you guys bet that? No.
They were wearing the worst sweaters on how much does that play in when a team comes out in like their worst alternates because you see the oilers in game one they were wearing the black with like orange out there they wore that too terrible terrible they have great fucking jerseys and then they go with that sometimes you overthink it and it just it just fucks everything up it i mean that that is true, though. Like, look good, play good, right?

Like, when you're wearing your...

Look good, feel good, play good all the time.

Yeah, when you're wearing the throwback Yotes with the cool fucking...

The Kachina?

Yeah, is that what his name is?

Okay.

Well, they came out with a reverse retro this year,

which is one of the jerseys they had early on in the organization

where it's kind of like the Kachina head, what, organization?

Yeah, I love how you say it. I fucking love how you say it.
Yeah, that's the good stuff. That's why people listen to your podcast.
There's little things like that. I fucking love how you say it.
I'm being genuine right now. And it has the purple on it, and I know that's Justin Bieber's favorite color, and a lot of these young kids like the purple.
Royalty. In the uniforms now.
Is that another word you like that I say? Royalty? No, uniforms. Uniforms.
Organizations and uniforms. And yeah, we came out with a really nice reverse retro.
I personally think that the Kachina is one of the nicest jerseys in all of pro sports. What about a game that was like the Oilers on Friday night? It was 0-0, went to overtime.
When it's a 0-0 game in the playoffs, are both teams just afraid to make a mistake at that point?

After two periods of scoreless hockey,

it felt like everybody was just really, really tight.

I mean, those are games where I'm like, perfect.

I fit right in.

Nobody's got a point.

I don't got a point.

This is great.

Everybody's having a great time.

Other than maybe the guys who are expected to get points,

and at some point, somebody gets a point.

I don't really know how you want to answer that love you are until that point everybody's equal on the ice what nobody's a minus yeah maybe if you look at the ice time there's a difference but it doesn't matter what is the uh moment if you can point to it when uh overtime hockey becomes drunk hockey is it the second overtime is third overtime? Because you know that moment where it just becomes like guys are just falling everywhere, sliding everywhere. It's not like nothing is crisp.
Everything is just falling apart. It's just you're hoping you get a lucky goal.
I don't know how I can't. I don't think I've ever been part of a game that went to like three or four overtimes.
At that point, everybody's so tired, especially the guys who actually have to roll out there. Two or three.
I'll be quite frank. If a game went into like second or third overtime and I was playing in the NHL, guaranteed I wouldn't have the ice because there was like a slim chance I would hit it in the third period of a regular season game.
but yeah I would say at the point of about second overtime which happened in the Carolina

Nashville series today

where Nashville, who was getting drastically outshot ended up prevailing where, where like the team was working hard and generating all these opportunities and getting stopped. Yeah.
At a certain point, they're just like, Holy fuck. Yeah.
There's a, there's a level of fatigue that probably becomes a level of drunkenness. Yeah.
It's a point of, it's like a great equalizer somewhere in that second overtime of playoff hockey where it's like, it has nothing to do with skill anymore. It's just someone's going to get a bounce and that will be the game.
That's like a live bet thriller. Yeah, it is.
But it's so much fun to watch when you're like, okay, this game makes no sense. If you're rooting for a team, you're just praying that you get that bounce.
Correct. And the bounce was in the Nashville game is the fact that Bussin' with the boys.
Yep, Taylor Luan. He was there crushing me.
You knew his name. You didn't need me to do that.
Taylor Luan. And he was crushing beers in the front.
And Will Compton. You didn't need his name either.
I knew Will. Fuck, I talked to Will all the time.
Nice. Stop.
Stop. But Taylor never.
Well, he's just more popular, and I did kind of forget his name there off the hop. I thought it was like Taewon or something.
Taewon. Taewon's pretty good.
He's got all the tats and stuff. It's hard to figure out.
But anyway. Is there anything that offensive linemen love more than just yugging beers at hockey games? And getting free tickets, sitting shotgun, just probably free beers too.
They go to hockey games, they become Dana beers. And yeah, that's true.
But anyway, what were you saying about that? No clue. That moment changed.
That moment changed the whole game. When he got up, it was pure domination by Carolina.
He gets up, yugs a beer front row center, and then kisses his wife and uh the rest is history boom uh how much do you miss seeing yourself on tv and having ryan whitney be like more like paul missed the net oh i don't miss those commercials at all guys but you wrote that right you wrote that line i we were there and we were struggling to find anything and we yeah we came up with that one which was sent to me i think via twitter or something at one point so i reused it oh wow yeah breaking news because wit said that you wrote that well i i technically did on set yeah okay you technically wrote it on set you read it on oh so all your guys material you just think up off yeah never even never you guys never recycle fan except for billy billy does that that's what you're talking about. Where is that guy, Billy Football? He's on his rum springer.
He's taking a break. Somebody tweeted at us fraternity leave for Billy.
I thought that was funny. But I'm giving them credit, not saying that I wrote it.
You son of a bitch. But you should have kept your mouth shut about that because Whit had us believing that you were the mastermind behind that whole vodka commercial.
I was like, damn, business. I thought on my feet.
Are you trying to put me down? I don't know. Do you want to wrestle? No.
I think I've already demonstrated dominance. Jake, you want to go two on one? Jake and...
Jake will fuck you up. He's our pit bull.
You were talking about a pit bull? You want a piece? Rough and rowdy? Jake would fuck you up. You want to move some pay-per-views? We should go back in the booth together.
We could. We could.
Maybe TNT. Maybe they'll be calling for us, Jake.
We should send in that tape. Yeah.
Oh, I did have a serious hockey media question for you. Now that ESPN is going to have rights to hockey, they're probably going to talk about it more.
It's going to be featured more on the air. I think that they're going to try to hire somebody because what they do at espn they'll be like we need to get our own version of ryan whitney paul bisnette and ra and mike rinelli shout out the rolex um who do you think they're going to hire and they'll be like this is our spitting chiclets well they already have a few people i think they got uh ray ferraro and they got uh boucher uh leah he just hired.
And, I mean, Bouchergross is there. Plenty of people.
So what do you mean? I'm just saying I think they're going to bring in somebody new, somebody like younger. You can't replicate that magic on Spitting Chicklets.
You can't, but they're going to. You can't replicate RA and Witt and Biz being handled by Grine grinnelly shout out grinnelly by the way you can't smoke thank you before you go on the broadcast really being like you can't do any type of drug or drink alcohol before you hit the button i appreciate i actually genuinely appreciate the job that mike grinnell does because uh i to book you on this i had to go through a booker.
Yeah. Mike Grinow.

Yeah, and then... He was like, what time do you need this?

I was trying to avoid it at all costs,

considering the amount of alcohol I've consumed

over the last four days,

but I somehow ended up here and...

All right, last question.

I'm holding it together.

Last question, because I know you want to take a nap.

Give us your Stanley Cup final and champion.

The Flyers, we already know that.

Yeah.

As of right now, you can pick anyone.

You can redo.

This is your redo.

Your PMT redo.

It's hard because they reset in standings.

It depends on who makes it, right?

Right.

So I would, at this point,

We know how playoffs work.

I would say Colorado.

Shut the fuck up.

Colorado and...

You can just say who's going to win.

Colorado and Tampa in the finals.

Here we go.

Wow, so Tampa will be going for back-to-back.

Thank you. Shut the fuck up.
Colorado and... You can just say who's going to win.
Colorado and Tampa in the finals. There we go.
Wow, so Tampa will be going for back-to-back. Only if, in fact, they did win this afternoon, and we still haven't gotten full confirmation.
Tampa, they won yesterday afternoon, so it's been more than 24 hours since they went up 3-1. So I would say Colorado-Tampa, and that would be good for hockey.
Two southern markets in the United States thriving. Colorado? Not deep south markets in the United States thrive deep south you don't consider Colorado southern Colorado is absolutely based on the north based on the north American scale would you Colorado is considered southern it's no no it's not north or south it's west you know what fuck it Colorado's part of the south now no you wouldn't say north or south for Colorado.
You say it's's west. It's not north or south.
It's west. You know what? Fuck it.
Colorado's part of the south now. No, but you wouldn't say north or south for Colorado.
You'd say it's out west. Jake, if I took a map of North America and I said Colorado, I would consider that more south than most of the markets.
Wait, hold on. I think it's right around the middle of North America because it's in the middle of the country.
No, he's saying in the middle of the country, not North America.'re saying north america but that includes all of mexico too i think that colorado that's true yeah fuck mexico mexico's in actually doesn't it go all the way to mexico's in north america yes okay well then forget what i said central america starts belize yeah so panama is no central america panama so Guatemala isala is guatemala also central america all right that's the best thing about these podcasts i think half of your viewers probably our listeners probably didn't realize that uh mexico was a part of north america yeah but in no way would you call colorado i guess if you know i'm with biz now like i think we should start referring i guess i know they are like the most uh skiing destination in amer, but we're still going to consider them part of the South. Also, if you're talking from someone from Calgary, Colorado is as south as it gets.
So there it is. I meant all the teams in play, they're one of the Southern teams.
That's how my brain works. Are the Coyotes a southern team? Yes, 100%.

But they're a west team.

West is

like LA?

That's west. That's west, yeah.

But is it southern? I would consider it a southern

team as well.

Okay, so what about...

I would.

I like how you interpret anything south of the Canadian border is southern. So Minnesota is a southern team.
To Patrick Waugh trade, that probably gave you your first real-life example as to where Colorado is, and you just knew that your goalie was going to a team that was further south than the Canadians. And yeah and you're like that's the sec oh i do have

one last question uh so you gave us your your final are you would you feel any pride or are you rooting in any way for the canadian teams because it has been so long like do you i know you you're you know you're a journalist you have a podcast that covers the entire league you also work for an organization not a big deal but if like push came to shove would you prefer a canadian team as a canadian to win um i would like to see the leafs win it but it would suck this year if they did with not fans in the building yeah because right now in can, there's currently no fans. Yeah.
Which is fucking crazy

because you've got Montreal,

Montreal Canadians

versus the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Not one fan gets to see it

in attendance.

They said,

there was rumor that

later in the series

that maybe Montreal

was going to start having fans,

but even if it's like

1,500 people,

it still ain't the same.

Are they going to keep

these divisions?

That would be fucking cool.

So,

so what I'm hearing is, is if um potentially if toronto ends up advancing to the conference final they might use arizona as like a hub city so let's just happen let's let's say it happens colorado toronto right colorado is going to play out of colorado but where would toronto because they can't keep going past the border. There's like a 70, unless at that

point they allow it, but they would make

a place like Phoenix

their hub city. Well, that would fuck up Colorado

because then they would be a northern team.

Yeah, and Toronto would be

a southern team.

Let's wrap this thing up.

If you're going to Arizona,

that just changes the entire dynamic of this. You're playing a southern team from the north if you're Colorado.
And Austin Matthews, the connection to there in Scottsdale slash Phoenix, would be cool. Oh, yeah.
What's the connection? Well, he was born there. Or raised there anyway.
There was another thing that happened there. Oh.
Stop it. Uh-oh.
Stop it. I thought that's what you were saying.
I'm sorry. My last last question.
When are you going to get your hair cut again? I don't know. I actually like it.
It distracts from your nose. You completely checked out? Well, you've checked out 25 minutes ago.
Does your lady like the hair? Yeah, she likes it. I might get some cone rolls.
You look like the dude who showed up at the start of old school, like I hear from the gangbang. That's you.
That's at the start of the movie. Have you ever been in a gangbang? Fuck off.
I know the answer to that. All right.
Have you been involved in group sex, BFT? What do you define as group sex? My left hand and my right hand? What about you, Big Cat? You and Patrick Sharp? On the bang bus? We're going to go find the milk hunter. All right, thanks, Bill.
That's very insightful. Jake, have you ever been involved in group sex? If Biz called you up, Jake, though, and was like, Hey, Jake, I got some group sex for us.
Two on one, no back checkers. And we get to be the host of an NHL game on NBC.
That's exactly how he phrases it. Would you sacrifice for the squads? It's an opportunity for more reps to get better in the booth.
You can't make anything less appealing than saying group sex. Hey, what if you knew your performance was going to be played to the masses? What if it had to go on the, pardon my take, social accounts? Your group sex goes to the masses, but you have Al Michaels' career.
Oh. Actually, no, I should say Marv Albert.
You basically have Marv Albert's career because of Marv Albert. You wouldn't do that? Al Michaels' career is very appealing.
What if you had a French dip Lisa Ann to get Al Michaels' career? Would you do it? I don't know. Also.
It's tough. It's tough.
Yeah, it is. It's tough.
He's right. It would gel you guys as broadcast partners forever.
You can't get closer with a guy than doing that. Yeah, that's true.
That would actually be great. A little group sex? Yeah, a little group sex action.
One of the adge? I just know. Who's got the group? Hey, which one? Some multi-pool partners? Which tunnel would you take, Jake? I'll let you pick.
It's the ladies' choice. It's the ladies' choice.
What a gentleman. Yeah.
What a gentleman. All right, Piz.
Good talk. Thank you.
Guys, yeah. I'm sorry I didn't have much hockey insight.
No, you fucking crushed it. Four live streams.
Your brain's going to be- Four live streams, two interviews? A lot of group sex. Some may say the guy worked this week.
Wait, four live streams in how many days? Five days? Five days and two interviews. Two interviews.
Wow. Cal Ripken Jr.
It's a job. Paul Bissnet was brought to you by our friends- Hey, going on there pal we saw you at the hockey game on do I know you guys I'm Ryan Whitney I got a drink named after me not a big deal Pink Whitney? that's what I thought see ya fellas I invented the thing you pigeon Pink Whitney for legendary moments alright let's wrap up by the way this clip is so fucking sick of Phil teeing off the 18th.
This is what we missed. These dudes just going nuts and everyone following him.
16 years since the last time he won a major. I'm going to go hold this sausage pizza underneath Paul's notes.
Wait, wait. Before you do that, let's do the Monday reading real quick.
Okay. All right.
It's titled Sportsmanship, Not Disrespect, The Real Story of What Happened After Playing Table Tennis with Hank. Okay.
Who's it written by?

Anonymous.

You've all seen the clip by now, so I'm not sure how much of a backstory is needed.

Oh, I think we need a backstory.

It was another thrilling three-set match against Hank inside Stoolstream Stadium.

He was on the winning end of a marathon's first set, taking it 25-23.

I settled in as the match went on, evening the series

after a 21-9

second set victory.

And then came the third set, when I

was fortunate enough to take that one in the series

after a 21-14 win.

But everyone is talking about

a post-game handshake when I went up to

Hank and shook his hand after the final point.

I walked away after,

turned around, and saw that Hank was still

down on the ground. So,

I decided to go back andverson role nice pointing it out nice pointing it out there jake i'm here to tell you that this was absolutely not the intention here could i have stayed to the side and offered my arm out sure but that's not what happened and i get the hoopla over the

position i pride myself on being a positive person and having sportsmanship every time i compete

and that is what i was trying to do here i'm sorry that hank has to be on the other side of this as

well because as i mentioned before that was not what i was going for i was genuinely trying to

help him up that's it more importantly for the second consecutive week, we had a $500 progressive jackpot winner. Congratulations to Steve Kolb for cashing in and going perfect on his picks.
And that's a deep drive to left field. That's the important part of this.
I like how you brought up the Allen Iverson thing. I love that.

Well, I'm not going to beat around the bush.

It did look like it.

That's what happened. I think you should also just remind people that you were merely positioning your hips

in the most powerful stance possible so you could lift them up off the ground.

Right.

I was trying to help him out.

You had squared your hips to his chin.

I had no problem with anything, Jake.

Well, no, I do have some problem.

But my issue is entirely with baby-faced Jake pretending like it was sportsmanship and he was trying to deny it. It was.
No, no, no. No, no.
No, no. No, hey.
Let me read the title. He's a psychopath.
Sportsmanship, not disrespect. There was a video that came out after the fact of him practicing.
No one on the other side of you. Yeah, because you didn't schedule me a match to play beforehand so he was he's just you're a psychopath

Jake you did what you did on purpose

nope you're you're it's alright

I had no problem with that as a competitor myself

I know that's how it is but I don't pretend

to be you know Mr. Man in the Arena

nerdy Jake Marsh when in reality

I'm a psychopath I am not pretending

I'm not pretending

you can take my word

before we

wake up biz to end the show for his number

I had another kid congrats on the sex

Thank you. It was awesome.
Much recommended. If you ever have a chance to have a child or two.
Get a couple. How do you do that? We already covered that.
We covered that. We covered that.
No, but the only thing that sucks, and I was talking to Hank about this when I got in the office today, is that it's also my who's back of the week should have been people gatekeeping my life,

being like, there's nothing worse than I'll tweet about a Cubs game, and they'll be like,

bro, spend time with your family.

It's like, listen, guys, I got it set up.

I spend a lot of time with my family.

Multiple screens, by the way.

I love being a dad.

It truly is better than anything else. It's awesome it was the coolest thing ever having my son meet my daughter he did like two minutes after he met her uh go and get her a dog toy being like here this is this is it so i think he just thought like he was gonna have another stella that's honestly that's honestly like the ever though, because in his brain, he thinks that the coolest thing that you can do for a friend,

his best friend is probably Stella or one of them is to get one of their

favorite toys.

Yes.

In his brain,

he was actually like,

this is good putting a crown on her head.

And he was very sweet and he was happy.

And then like five minutes later,

he tried to poke her in the eye.

I told her he couldn't do that.

And then he was like really mad at me,

but yeah, it was cool. Everyone's healthy.
Mom and baby girl are healthy. How are you? I'm great.
Very little sleep, but I'm great. I appreciate, though, everyone's congrats.
And it was trending on Friday. It really does mean a lot.
I know I don't talk a lot about my private life, but when do open it up it's always nice that people are nice so I really do appreciate that and also shout out the one Stooley who stopped me on the street on Saturday I was with my son and he asked for a picture he looked like a better taller better looking taller version of Billy football he asked me for a was like, yeah, sure. And he went to grab his phone and he pulled out his phone and out popped a Magnum condom.
So I was like, wow, that's cool, dude. That's sick.
And I was like, yeah, your life is way different than mine. That guy's the best.
He's like, oh, I didn't mean to do that. Also, I thought it was very selfless timing on your part.

Yes.

Because Hank was trending on Twitter.

Yes.

People discussing the step over heard around the world,

and you immediately took that out of the equation.

Yes.

That's teamwork as a podcast goes.

So I know some people were asking,

like, will there be a life part two with Priscilla and Titus?

Funny enough, we actually had it planned to tape on Friday at 1 o'clock. My daughter decided to show up on Friday morning.
So we're going to wait. We're going to hold off until we're all together, possibly later this summer, because it will be better together.
We're going to do it over Zoom, which would have sucked. So um so we'll do that guaranteed whether it comes a year from now six months two months we will do that podcast but uh seriously it was an awesome weekend for my family and i appreciate everyone's kind words and uh yeah being a dad is the best and uh my son also just broke the uh picking up the rocks and handing them to me like they're pieces of gold record on Sunday morning at the park.
Hell yeah. No big deal.
I basically. He's going to be an archaeologist.
Yeah. That's fossils.
Yeah. What's the name? Rocks.
Geologists. Geologists.
Geologists. I had a professor in college who taught geology and his name was Rocky.
Yeah. I thought that was kind of cool.
They call it rocks for jocks. Rocks for jocks.
Yeah. Oh.
The science class. Do you think Melo? Oh, what if we took the same path? Do you think he took that? I think it was G0103 or 110 I took a professor here.
That would be wild if he took it. Yeah.
I thought you were talking about crack. Lamar Odom took that one.
No. No.
All right. Let's see if we can wake him up.
48. PFT, if you're watching on YouTube, please subscribe on YouTube.
PFT is putting a piece of pizza in his nose. Oh, he's sniffing.
He's humming. He's moving.
Biz. What did he say? Pizza.
Pick a number between 1 and 100. Biz, pick a number.
Pick a number. 12.
12. Hey, Biz, did you hear what happened with Conor McDavid? No.
Tell him. They lost.
They blew a 4-1 lead. No, they didn't.
Yes, they did. And then he destroyed a water bottle after the game.
Mike Trout is trending on Twitter right now because McDavid lost.

Yep.

Biz, any words?

Did you listen to the show, Biz?

They lost.

All right, give me eight.

46 not eligible for those picking up.

99.

The name said 86.

Oh, he said he was 12 19 I wish we had gotten him I saw 12 dancing around up there I did too You should probably go home Jake do you have a Journalism fact Dick Clark was for a few hours. Let's go journalism fact.
Journalism fact? Yeah.

Dick Clark was a huge fan of the Flintstones, and he once purchased a $3.5 million

estate in Malibu, California that was bedrocked

and bedrock-inspired.

There's nothing worse than having

someone doing a full podcast

that you thought was a banger and having someone

sleep through the entire thing.

That's such an ego check

on us.

Love you guys. I'm talking away I don't know what I'm to say I'm sage anyway Today is another day To find you shining away I'll be coming for your love Okay, shining away I'll be coming For your love okay Take on me Take me On I'll be gone After you have changed Needless to say, I've always said it But I need to show a little words Early learning, the block is okay Say after me, it's no better to be safe than sorry Say after me It's no better to be safe than sorry Take on me Take me on I'll be gone In a day of time All the things that you say Is it life or just to play my worries away You're all the things I've got to remember Are you shying away? I'll be coming for you anyway Are you shying away? I'll be coming for you anyway Take on me

Take me on

I'll be gone

In a deep I'll become

In a day