Dan Haren, Medina Spirit Is A Junky, And Hank vs Jake

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On today's part of my take, we have our good friend, recurring guest, future Hall of Famer, Dan Heron. We talked to him about baseball.
Some really heartbreaking news. I'll just say that.
Just be ready. R.i.p bernie if you're in the car with your kids some really tough stuff to talk to him about but we got through it we are going to uh all the people who listen to this podcast we're going to shoulder some of the the grief that dan is going through uh make sure you listen to it though always awesome to have Dan back on.
We're going to talk a little Kentucky Derby because, turns out, maybe some steroids at play, which there's nothing funnier than a horse doing steroids, and we have a steroid issue, and it's going back to, like, when we bullied Nyquist offline on Twitter. We have Who's Back of the Week.
We have some segments, DK Metcalf, Elon Musk, Dogecoin, and we're brought to you by our friends. Ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working? Nah, neither has Ariat.
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Boy! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work will be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we gotta rock down to Electric Avenue It's Part of My Take, presented by Bob School Sports Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by the Chevy Silverado Go buy a Chevy Silverado right now Today is Monday, May 10th and we have something we have to discuss in this studio. Let me just play the audio real quick so that people can...
I'm the president of the office! I am the best one here! I'm the president of the office! Fight! Fight! What a great match! Best in the office. You're a great competitor.
This is my day. I wasn't letting the Nets steal that.
So, I am the best. Wait, wait.
Oh, let's play again. I'm the best in the office.
I am the best one here. I'm losing Jake Marshall.
Oh, man. So, you're probably saying to yourself, hey, didn't this happen on Thursday? Well, you can feel the tension in this studio.
And a funny thing happened on Thursday when we taped. I think we had equal amounts of embarrassment, Jake, by becoming the number one alpha on the show.
And Hank, by being Jake's straight up bitch. So we're now, by the way, Girlboss Energy, revoked.
Transferred. Yeah.
Jake's got it now. No longer has it.
I don't know how to proceed. This has been on my mind all weekend that Jake Marsh, our darling Jake, is a stone cold killer.
Fellas, do you have anything to say for yourself? I feel bad for Hank. Oh, my God.
Shut up, Jake. That makes it so much worse.
I love it. I had zero intention of him getting humiliated the last three days.
Zero. It just happened.
It just happened. And he knows that, too.
I love how every time Jake apologizes, he's trying to be serious and he's i i think in his heart of hearts he's coming from a good place but when you say things like it doesn't i did play too it's i did not mean for hank to get totally emasculated sorry he's got hurt bitch wow i i like you have our own rage monster on part of my take now i likened it to uh when they show when like a serial killer gets caught and they interview the neighbors, and the neighbors were like, yeah, no, he's a totally normal guy. Saw him walking the dog, always waved to us.
He kept to himself a little bit. That's what I felt when I watched Jake scream and dominate Hank.
I didn't know that was inside of you. It comes out from time to time.
I've seen it once or twice. But to that level.
He's very competitive. I had also beat him.
Jack McCarthy beat him previously, so I was obviously in his ear being like, oh, you know, you were good, but you're kind of washed. He felt the pressure bad.
Let me give some context here. I'm the best in the office.
I'm the best one here. I'm the best one.
It's Pete Webber. We have our new Pete Webber moment.
Can you imagine if Tom Wilson did that? No. The fines and suspensions that everybody would call.
They'd say kill him. Play the Pete Webber clip real quick.
Are you kidding me? That's right. Who do you think you are? I am.
Damn it, right. Real quick.
Okay, now go, Jake. Yeah, so entering Thursday's match, my record was 11-2, but I knew if I lost, it would have been my first time losing consecutive matches.
And the moment Hank had an opportunity to say I was no longer the best, he would have ran away with it. So I knew if I lost back-to-back, right, so I knew.
It was an elephant in the room, but I knew I'm 12-2 now. I'm the best freaking one here.
All right. So, but how do we proceed? Because I like Hank is your bitch.
You should actually have him on a leash. No.
No, I mean, we're going to run it back a few weeks from now. It's a longstanding robbery.
I used to be BFT. I destroyed him.
We had to bring in some competition. I beat you the last time we played.
Now we have Jake. Hank, you're on like an ice cold losing streak to everybody that you need to be beating.
All I'll say is what hurts the most, as much as it hurt losing to Jake, there was a person who was 5 for 5 going into the last contest in the Play Barstool jackpot. If I had gotten I lost 21 to 18.
They were the real loser? I lost 21 to 18. If I just got one more point and lost 21-19, he would have won $1,500.
I saw some of those returns that you were hitting straight into the net. Jake didn't win that.
You choked that one away. Wait, can we play the audio just one more time of Jake? Because I think people don't really understand this.
I'm the best of the offense. I am the best one here.
Are you guys going to be okay? We're fine. Well, I know you're fine, Jake.
You're the one who outfitted him. You took your fucking balls out and shoved them down Hank's mouth.
Like, he can't. We know you're fine.
Hank? I mean, it's a regular season game. You got a little too emotional for a regular season game.
We'll see what it's like in the tournament. All right, start the freaking tournament then.
Yeah. I think you guys need to hug it out.
PFT, I think that just answered my question. Hug it out, bitch.
That just answered my question that they're not fine. They're not fine at all.
They are not fine. I'm actually a little bit worried about Hank.
I am. I think that he's beaten himself up pretty bad over this.
You can see in his eyes. Hank, you've got dead eyes right now.
I was a dead eyes. I looked up a list of ways to improve your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Be nice to yourself is number one. I don't think that you're giving yourself space to admit that it's okay that you got completely emasculated by our darling James.
Hey, Hank, it's okay not be okay hank it's not your fault it's not your fault i think i just might need to you know i just i have to see jake every day and you guys rub it in my face every day like maybe i need i'm not rubbing it in your face i'm just stating facts like i don't think it's oh yeah you need a vacation listen i don't i'm not rubbing it in your face i just want you like me, as a friend, I need to tell you what everyone else around the office is saying. You weren't here on Friday, and everyone was like, holy shit, Hank is Jake's bitch.
So I'm just conveying that message because I don't want you to hear it from someone else. Well, yeah, you might not see me around the office too much in the coming days.
I'm not feeling too good right now. I can feel it coming on.
I would say the only good thing that would come out of this is, I would assume Norman is not turned on by you anymore. Nope.
And I'm a single dog dad this week, so I got to deal with that. Yeah, because Rhea's living at Jake's house now.
No, she's in California. If Normie was aroundie was around.
If Normie sees Jake. Ten minutes into the show.
There's so much stuff happening this weekend. Normie's going to think that Jake's his owner, Hank.
There's so much stuff happening this weekend. All right, here, number eight on the list.
Celebrate the small stuff, Hank. Celebrate the little things.
Uh-huh. You got the podcast out on time.
We think. Hopefully.
And Tool Stream's video got a million views. Yeah.
So that was great. There you go.
Awesome. It was, yeah, absolutely great for the interactions on Twitter.
You're building a very strong brand if all it consists of is just you getting bitched all the time. Yeah, right.
It was me destroying you for like nine months. That never happened.
Credit to you for putting out a podcast where you're just repeatedly called a bitch, which actually would, that kind of makes you the ultimate. Never mind.
Yeah. Whatever.
Credit to you. Put this podcast out, bitch.
Put my voice on the internet, bitch. Okay.
Let's talk some topics. This one's coming out at like three.
I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.
No, you're not. No, you're not.
Yes, I am. No.
I feel like you're not. You're not.
That actually is the way worse part is that Jake is so nice. And he was already in the video.
He was like, oh, I wasn't going to let the net beat me. No, I was beating you.
It wasn't the net. No, you were beating me, but those two points, 18, 16, back-to-back, same exact thing, you were even laughing.
He's patronizing. I do think that Hank should start taking steroids.
Yes, I'm with you. I'll do it with you.
You need to match Jake's rage's rage yeah i'll do it with you uh either way jake is our new boss uh so welcome jake i didn't i know my role i'm a supporting player you're the best in the office you're just making so much one here you're the best one here you i am the best one here all right let's talk at table table tennis, which is the... It's not ping pong, it's

table tennis. But what other way do you have

to crown the master of an office

than who's best at ping pong?

That's really... In America,

if you have a ping pong table in the break room,

the person who's king of that table

is also king of the office.

The office of the best one here.

Since we just mentioned steroids,

let's talk about the big story from the weekend. Bob Baffert and his horse, Medina Spirit, might have cheated in the Kentucky Derby.
This story fucking rules. Well, I put the blame on the horse.
You can't just make excuses. The horse did steroids.
The horse likes doing drugs, obviously. It's a junkie.
As our 45th president called it, it's a junky horse. And I think it should be forced to race in the last two legs of the Triple Crown, but it should have actually just like a syringe tattooed on its side.
It doesn't get a number anymore. Done.
It's number S for steroids. It has not lost on me the simple fact that I finally did win the Kentucky Derby and I talked about it ad nauseum for the days

afterwards and then that one win

has a huge asterisk because Bob Baffert

is addicted to shooting his

horses up with steroids. I am going

to defend Bob Baffert though

in the simple fact that

his defense is so

hilarious and out there

that I think we have to become

Bob Baffert's stance.

He just said, it's really weird that all my horses keep getting busted for steroids.

That's very unusual.

So here's the quote that Bob Baffert had.

He said, it's disturbing.

It's an injustice to the horse.

I don't know what's going on in racing right now, but there's something not right.

I don't feel embarrassed.

I feel like I was wronged.

We're going to do our own investigation. We're going be transparent with the racing commission commission like we've always been he's a great horse he doesn't deserve this he ran a gallant race and then he went on to say i'm not a conspiracy theorist i know everybody is not out to get me but which that's such a great wind up for a but i know everyone's not out out to get me.
But there's definitely something wrong. Why is this happening to me? You know there's problems in racing, but it's not Bob Baffert.
Jesus. That is so great.
It's perfect because he essentially put together a great prosecution of himself. He's doing a very good job, but then he ends it by saying, but it's not true.
Listen, I admit i admit this looks bad he's got like he's got a suppository and his hand is like three quarters of the way up medina spirit's asshole he's like this looks bad i can explain why does this keep happening to me why do my horses keep testing positive for banned substances and then when you drop the third person that's that's such a power move on everyone like look there's a lot of problems here with horse racing. It's not Bob Baffert, says Bob Baffert.
I think this goes back to my old theory of you never trust a man with transition lenses. The person is up to something shady.
Yes. Once you reach the stage in life where you commit to becoming a transition lens guy, and that's the only thing, that's part of your brand, your image, I'd be shocked if you weren't spending your days and nights drugging racehorses.
I have one little note to that. I agree with you.
Don't trust a man with transition lenses unless they're sitting at your blackjack table. They will give you good advice.
True. They absolutely will tell you the right move, a guy in transition.
Then when you get up, they'll probably pickpocket you. But in the moment, that is where you can trust a transition lens fella.
Or Bruce Arians. Or Bruce Arians.
He counts too. But even still, he drinks paint.
I don't know. I think his just turned from light to dark.
It's like a mood ring for Bruce, depending on what his blood alcohol level is. I just love that Bob Baffert actually got in front of everyone and was like, I'm not a conspiracy theorist.
I know everybody is not out to get me, but there's definitely something wrong. Why is this happening? I got a dumb question.
Why is it illegal to give a horse steroids? Was it steroids? This is why I kind of wish that we had he who shall not be named in the studio right now to walk us through. He could just take a look at Medina Spirit's nipples and tell us us exactly what it was taking so i think the substance he tested positive for is not banned but it was an elevated level and also you have to have it cleared uh like a couple weeks before and like like an adderall prescription yeah in the nfl right right so and this is also something he got a horse at the kentaks, I think it was last year, maybe the year before.

That did happen where he tested positive,

and that horse got kicked out of the Kentucky Oaks.

So it's happened like four or five times, I think,

to Bob Baffert in the last couple of years.

Again, not a conspiracy theorist.

Why do bad things just keep happening to him?

I like his main point is just for the horse.

He feels bad that the horse's family is getting dragged into this now. He's being called the junkie.
The junkie horse. The junkie horse.
I don't see him on Twitter. I don't think Medina Spirit has a Twitter account because I was just going to tweet GIFs of Elmer's school glue at it all day today.
See if we get it offline. I think that it might be a societal problem.
Yeah problem yeah can horses do horses or other animals take

recreational drugs uh is that is that a thing that's found in nature like they eat like hemp or something koalas eat what is it eucalyptus and they just get high in the mushrooms yeah why not i just wonder if there are actual junky animals that like to stay high all the time yeah probably there's got respect yeah right there's got to be like some dogs out there that just like to chill like to chill

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I always stay high all the time yeah probably there's got respect yeah right there's gotta be like some dogs

out there that just like to chill like to chill uh the i always whenever i see someone who is pretty much like you know i'm not gonna say 100 that bob baffert did this but let's say 99 right because that's what all common sense says i like to go think about the alternate universe here and what a conspiracy theory would look like

is like someone, a nefarious figure running around horse barns in America's greatest racetracks and shooting up horses right before races, specifically Bob Baffert's horse.

That's a hilarious concept.

I mean, all signs point to Papa John.

Yeah.

In a circumstance like this.

He's in Louisville.

He's got all the money.

He's going to's a hilarious concept. I mean, all signs point to Papa John.
Yeah. In a circumstance like this.
He's in Louisville. It's just...
He's got all the money. He's probably...
If you're going to look at Papa John and be like, this guy doesn't gamble on horse racing, you're an idiot. Yeah.
I think it would be him or... Yeah, probably just him.
I was going to say another college basketball coach, but I think... No.
I'm not going to say that. Nope.
I'm not going to say the other Kentucky guy. Nope.
But yeah, it would be very funny if there was a massive conspiracy. It's just...
To do nothing else but just to fuck with Bob Baffert. Right.
It's not like you have a money-making enterprise behind ruining this guy's name. Right.
Like whenever you see these things that people are like, oh, I'm being screwed. I don't know how this keeps happening.
What, like, how funny would it be if just once the person was correct that there actually is a conspiracy theory against him and even though he looks completely culpable in this situation it's like no someone is actually trying to take down bob baffert by putting a fucking needle in the horses right before race time i also like that they called him to like hold himself to account in front of the kentels. They should have all the Kentucky Colonels do just a trial by fire on Bob Baffert to see if he's a witch or not.
As for winnings, to quote the great Jim Calhoun, not a dime back. I will not be giving a dime back.
I know I saw some people demanding that I give my money back. I would have matched it if you had given it back.
That's not going to happen. Not a dime back.
I watched that press conference this morning again. Considering that you're the highest paid state employee and there's $2 billion budget debt, do you think that's...
Not a dime back. Not a dime back.
Not a dime back. I'd like to be retired someday.
I'm getting tired. 1.6 million is enough? I'm sorry? 1.5 million? I make a lot more than that.
You do? Yeah. Someday we gotta get him on because him saying when the reporter's like you, we found out you make 1.6 million dollars a year and he says oh I make a hell of a lot more than that.
He said that in a fucking press conference. Like right in someone's fucking face.
Yeah. So not a dime back.
I honestly think that a steroid scandal would be great for horse racing. Yeah no no we're tossing's in trouble big cat we're talking about horse racing want to strike this is bad people are trying to convince people to like not so at horses anymore yeah horse racing is in trouble like in general there was a one track that had like 10 horses we're in a precarious spot in horse racing in america i think it's one of those sports that people are starting to be like, maybe we don't need.
I love horse racing. So I think that this is not the scandal we need.
We're talking about it. No, no, no.
But it's not good talk. This is not good talk.
This is the haters are going to be like, see, this is a fucked up sport. Like, you know, they need to clean it up.
They need to get rid of it. It's not a good talk.
I think they should let him race in the other legs of the Triple Crown. I really do.
Yeah, we'll see if they'll, I mean, it will be weird if he, if, so if Medina Spirit, it's, I guess there's an appeal going on right now, but either way, the second place horse is not running in the Preakness. So the second place horse would be named the Kentucky Derby champion and then still wouldn't run in the Preakness, so the Triple Crown would be dead right there.
Well, would it be a Triple Crown if it did run in the Preakness and then at the moment? I think so, technically, yes. That would be an amazing, the asterisk Triple Crown.
The weirdest one, yeah. Okay, I might not be in favor of actually giving horses drugs against their will.
Yeah, it's not good. I'm going to stand on that table.

It's not good.

But on the other hand, I would tune in and watch if Medina Spirit was racing in the other legs. Yeah.
No, no, of course. Or here's what they should do.
They should have police horses arrest Medina Spirit and escort them into jail. That too.
Yes, yes. What I was going to say is if they don't let Medina Spirit run,

they should have – like Bob Baffert should have Medina Spirit run a timed race exactly the same length at the exact same time that the Preakness runs. By himself.
On Fox. I like that.
That would be great. Then you're the bad boy of racing.
You're creating your own Super League. Yes, right, exactly.
That would be a way to get people to talk about it. I like that.
I just think it's coincidental how all these horses started doing drugs when Lil Nas X started talking about riding his horse. It's true.
Where are the fathers, big cat? It's true. All right, so what else do we – So we're going to talk DK Metcalf and Elon Musk, SNL, after Dan Heron.
As for other sports stories, we had another no-hitter this weekend, which I'm getting no-hittered out. We're going to talk to Dan a little bit about it, but I'm getting no-hittered out.
Yeah. It doesn't even register on the radar for me.
There was a seven-inning no-hitter, even though we're not calling it that, though, right? But, you know, I felt like, you know, 15 years ago, like, oh, no-hitter watch. Like, oh, let's's put it up on ESPN and we'll sit there and watch the last few.
If someone told me there was a no hitter and it was a team other than the Cubs in the eighth inning, I'd be like, oh, okay, cool. Let me know how it goes.
It's become slang for like, this is a boring game. Yeah, pretty much.
Don't watch me. Why would I watch that? I want to watch the game where every pitch is getting hit.
Well, it's also just like the thing'm more interested in is is how did he not have a perfect game like how many walks did he have like the one against the orioles pitcher uh was it john means i think his name is i might have screwed up that name uh it was he actually had a no hitter and it would have been a perfect game but the catcher dropped a third strike in the third inning That's like a horrible way to lose a perfect game. Yeah, there was the perfect game out in Colorado, right? Was that Angel Hernandez at first base? Detroit.
Oh, no, that was a different umpire. But, yeah, he was the one who was like, I kicked the shit out of that call.
I'm sorry I feel sick for this guy. Yes, yes.
By the way, a very nice touching tweet came out early today from the Major League Umpires Association. Jim Joyce.
Jim Joyce, that's right. Which is like my favorite association, just in general, because they made a shield for themselves, which is like an umpire's mask on a shield.
I like that. They protect their own shield.
They just tweeted out like, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there from Major League Baseball umpires. I love that.
Who's touching. I love the pink bats.
Yeah. I love the pink catchers.
Catchers really get to swag out more than anyone else. Yeah, they look like.
It's not really fair. They looked like they were going.
Like goalies. Yeah.
Yeah. Yes.
Yes. It was like they, with all the like pink stuff that the catchers were wearing, they looked like hunters.
When you go out in the woods and you have to like. They're milf hunters today.
Yes. They were milf hunters.
And it was like, was it Molina that had like the entire pink get, I mean, he's a little extra, if you know what I mean. What do you mean? In general.
He just fucking makes it all about himself. Okay.
They should allow position players to wear catcher gear once a year. I agree.
Like, imagine a third baseman wearing catcher's gear trying to maneuver. It'd be very funny.
That would be very funny. Or a pitcher wearing catcher's gear.
Yeah, both teams have to do it at the equal, so it's totally equal. And then just, you know, everyone just tries to hit them.
I also... Is there a rule that prevents batters from wearing catcher's gear? When they step up to the plate? Like, Barry Bonds came close.
Barry Bonds kind of did, yeah. Yeah, he definitely kind of did.
But, like, can you go up there wearing a face mask? That would be fun. The Astros should be doing that this year.
I had an idea for a dumb baseball rule on Friday. It's they should allow – we might have even said this like five years ago, but they should allow runners to intercept passes.
Yeah. So if you caught the ball, you're not out.
Yes. How sick would that be? Like when you were playing kickball as a kid.
Yes, right, right, right. So if you think that you're not going to be safe, you just turn around and try to catch the ball.
You've got to catch it cleanly, though. On the other hand, you should also be able to hit a batter or hit a base runner with the ball, and they're out.
In the head counts as two. No head shots.
No head shots counts as two. But then you have to determine whether they ducked into getting hit in the head.
That was probably the start of 90% of all playground fights. We're like, no, this guy ducked into the throw on the kickball field.
It was targeting before targeting. I wasn't going after his head intentionally.
Yeah, we were just replaying. It was a terrible foreshadow of our entire college football watching experience in 2021 was being like, did he duck or what was the intention? Exactly, yeah.
I think it probably got us pretty well prepared to eventually be replay officials. Yes, absolutely.
NBA, we're just getting ready for the playoffs. It feels very weird.
I don't know why they did this. I know why they started late, but I don't know why they didn't do a shorter schedule because I'll flip on the NBA and I'll watch the Bulls.
They're going to a classic thing where they make the playoffs, and then they fuck everything else over. But no one's playing defense right now down the stretch.
No one wants to be out there right now down the stretch. Just get to the playoffs.
And the only other thing I had on the NBA is Luka Doncic is getting very close to being like a dirty player. He shook my who's back.
Shit. What do you do? All right, well, wait, let me say it.
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Who's back? I have a couple. First one was Rory.
Rory McIlroy. You just said we were going to talk about Luka.
Well, yeah, I was getting my first one out of the way. We'll do Luka.
Okay, Rory is back. Why is Rory back? He won his first tournament in like 18 months.
I think that was Hank trying to sneaky get a little bit of power back. It was, and it was also Hank.
What? I'm sure Hank knew when my who's back. All right, my second who's back.
My second who's back. Rory and Hank stole another one of my who's backs again.
Yeah, good. I'm happy.
Who's back and Hank stealing my who's backs. Yeah.
Just go first. My who's back is...
My first who's back is Rory. He won this weekend.
Bryson DeChambeau actually... When was the last time he won? It was 18 months ago.
I never really... What's it been? I didn't know.
Oh, I don't know. Wells Fargo.
It was Wells Fargo. Thank you, Hank.
Thank you, James. was the last time he won.
It was 18 months ago. Which event? I didn't know.
I don't know. Wells Fargo.
It was the Wells Fargo. Thank you, Hank.
No, it was the last event he won. This was the Wells Fargo, Hank.
Right. You're wrong.
Which was the last one he won? It was the one that was 18 months ago, so it was the Winter Classic. Right.
What was it? I don't know. I've always wondered about Rory.
Why don't people root for Rory to be back like they do for Spieth? Because Rory was the best golfer in the world. 2019 World Golf Championships HSBC Championship.
There you go. I think from the little I do know, I think it's Rory became bad, but he's not like a total head case like Jordan Spieth.
Also, I think Rory got married. Well, he got almost married, and then he got broke up, right? That's right, yeah.
With Caroline Wozniacki, right? The witch. And then he got married.
Right, there was that whole thing, that breakup had something to do with it. And then he got married, so everyone was like, oh, he got married, he's not going to win anymore.
Whereas Jordan Spieth's like, oh, he just honestly can't take two steps without yelling at himself. Spieth is younger.
That's my best explanation, and it probably is 100% wrong. Because Rory's the guy that I put a bet on him to win every single major tournament.
He's like the last guy that I add in at the end of my card. I'm like, because what if this is the time that he becomes back finally? But I feel like maybe he's the Jordan Spieth of Northern Ireland.
Like they talk about him over there. Like we talk about old JS.
He's the MJ of Northern Ireland. He's the guy.
But MJ. I don't even think they even talk about.
Like I don't think they can talk badly about him. He's still that important? Yeah, I think so.
He's also small. People don't realize that.
But he's also kind of big. He's like 5'6 and jacked.
But kind of, yeah, sneaky big. He got jacked.
It's a good who's back, PFT. Real legend.
Thanks. My second who's back is nut smashing.
Oh. Luka Doncic got ejected today.
I think it's his second ejection in a week. Yeah.
For nut smashing Colin Sexton. He is getting...
And he also... And it was pretty clear.
It was very clear. He turned around with intent to just smash the guy's balls.
It wasn't a Marcus Smart accidental instant replay cameras trying to make it look worse than it was. This was a clear and decisive nut smash.
It was very clear. And Luka has the double whammy of if he decides to go the dirty route, he already gets people mad at him because he complains about every call.
So you can't... Then you just become Chris Paul.
If you're dirty and you complain about every call, you gotta do one or the other. So at least Dele didn't really complain about calls.
Right, like Mark Swart doesn't complain about calls, does he? He's not doing that constantly. Never embellishes.
And doing the resting bitch face of like, why is this going against me again? Right. He's not that emotional out there.
Right. Uh-huh.
This was a, if I were to rank nut taps, this is probably like, I don't know, 8.9. It was solid.
It was pretty bad. He wound up.
He tried to stop himself at the very, very, very last second, but it was way too late. He must have, Colin Sexton must have just, I don't't know what he did probably just frustrated him to a point i mean that's you just can't do that the look on do it the look on lucas face after the officials get together and talk it over and decide to eject him is priceless it is weird it's like a mix it it looks like he's watching himself on film being like i can't believe i I did that.
We need to, as men, start to stand up against, like, dick punchers like this more often. Like, if you ask me, what Luca did to Colin Sexton was way worse than what Tom Wilson did.
Agreed. Like, I'm being serious, though.
Why, as men, do we not defend each other's testicles and penis? think that we should because in the case of this like it's it's the coward's way out because it's just like it's the easiest way to inflict a lot of pain you don't have to be good at fighting you don't have to be stronger than the other guy and also it's just a tactical strike it could really hurt someone for like 10 to 15 minutes where they like feel like they got a fart but they can't forget about about just hurting the person that you're hitting. What about the emotional pain that gets inflicted on every guy that watches it? Yes.
Because every guy, and you wince. This is why.
I feel like Luka Doncic hit me in the testicles. This is why I wish Bob Lee was still alive, because we should have an entire E60 about nut tapping and how it's one of the biggest health scares that we've had in professional sports similar to cte it's the new concussion yeah it's not cte's worse but if we're looking for a new thing chronic testicular encephalopathy let's be honest roger goodell has solved cte that shit is in the past he he figured that whole thing out figured out a way for us to all just stop talking about concussions.
Well, now we're just going bananas over his chair. Yeah, I mean, it's really incredible that he was able to do that.
So what about nut taps? What about dick punches? It's not right. We came to a consensus on this podcast about five years ago that we had to stop.
We were going down a dark path. Yeah, no, you almost killed me.
You almost killed me. We going going down a very dangerous path for a while we were hanging with the wrong crowd and uh we we had a little back and forth where big cat and i would sack tap each other once a week and then i i went a little too hard one time and i felt bad you lay down on the side that was by far the most painful nut tap dick punch i've ever Every guy, if you're over the age of 25 and you haven't been nut-tapped or dick-punched at least 50 times, that means you just don't have friends.
But yeah, it was so painful. Can you imagine if we hadn't stopped and we just kept it? You probably wouldn't have kids.
No, I don't want to think No, I don't want to think about that. Because it was whenever you got to that age where you realize how funny it was, it was very, very funny.
But it also was really painful. Yeah.
And it was years and years of just having that reflex of like, oh, fuck. Would you rather be pants, dick and balls or sack tap directly on your right testicle.
Add like a moderate amount of power.

Like the one I gave to you.

No, that was a lot of power and you got everything. I'm strong.

I'm sorry.

Probably pants.

I'd rather be pants.

Probably pants.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or let me throw in one more.

Merry fuck kill.

Pants.

Punched in the balls as hard as possible. Have Jake Marsh completely alpha you in your entire life.
I think I would rather I would fuck getting pants. I would marry Jake Marsh yelling at Hank.
I want that to continue for the rest of my life. So death do I part with that one.
NFT? We should NFT Jake. We should NFT that.
Yeah. That moment needs to live on.
I'll personally spend all my money on it. I've gotten a lot of merch requests, too.
I am the best one here. Why are we not doing that? We need it.
All right. Either way.
Is that all your who's back, Hank? Yeah. Good job, Hank.
I like those. Do you have yours? Yeah, so obviously Rory was a big who's back of the week after he won the Willis Fargo after 18 months when he last won the World Golf Championship.
My second who's back is UNC Women's Field Hockey. Oh, hell yeah.
They just won their third national title in a row. Was that yours, Jake? It was one of them.
Oh, really? Yeah, they just beat Michigan. It was golden goal.
Yeah. Do you think that UNC women's field hockey is bad for women's field hockey because they're too dominant? I don't think so.
They're always in the mix, though, because I was waiting for the lacrosse selection show to go on. Ask me in two years.
Because I just am now being aware of the fact they're on a three-peat. Well, it's a dynasty now.
Right, so ask me in two years. Okay.
This was their third. Third in a row.
So if they win one more in the next two years, at that point, I think they become a problem. No, yeah.
Bad for the sport. If they go five in a row, that's bad for the sport.
Very bad for the sport. My other who's back of the week is Canelo.
Canelo's back to Ginger. He broke the other dude's orbital bone.
That was a nasty uppercut. And also, you forget how satisfying it is to watch just straight up body blows.
Yes. Just like kidney punches.
It's also, obviously Canelo Alvarez is the top of the fight game, but it's so funny watching him move and the fact that there are real people out there who are like, Jake Paul's a legit boxer. Yeah.
Like, no, no, no. They don't.
They're completely different athletes. I've never seen Canelo take another man's hat.
I wish this wasn't a no duh, but it actually has to be said because there are real people out there who are like, Jake Paul might just fuck around and win all the belts. Like, no, no, he won't.

He would get his ass kicked.

He would have his ribs broken.

But there's something.

He would never touch him.

That's the part.

It's not even that Canelo would hurt Jake Paul.

Jake Paul wouldn't be able to punch Canelo Alvarez.

He just wouldn't.

The way that he moves his head around in the ring is,

honestly, it's like, it's hypnotizing.

Yes, yes.

If you're trying to fight against him,

there's no difference between that and staring at a magic eye poster. You get confused watching his head move around.
Yes. All right.
My Who's Backer, animated hot dads. We thought about doing Monday reading of this, but it's way too long.
Too long, New York Times. But it was basically an article about, are animated dads getting hotter? An investigation.
this one guy basically decided that Pixar has changed the animated dad game and has made all these animated dads really hot. Not like Smoke Bros, but just a combination of their looks and their emotional vulnerability.
Yeah, who do you think is the hottest dad? Animated. Animated.
I'm going to go with the old guy from Up. It looks like Joe Paterno.
Peter Griffin. He's just such a nice guy.
Peter Griffin. He's hot.
Hank Hill. Yeah.
But he's got tiny ass, though. Great ass.
No, he's got tiny ass. Inspiring ass.
Hank, you know what we should do? We should get you butt implants. Yeah.
They're back. I made that suggestion on this show not but a week ago.
They're back. It's a good idea.
It's true. We should do it.
I initially was going to say the stakes for our next lost bet should be if you lose, you'll have to get butt implants, but I think that you actually want to get butt implants. No.
Definitely not. No? I'm not, like, dying to get butt implants by any means whatsoever.
You just said you suggested it. Yeah, I did.
But that doesn't mean I want to do it. Okay.
It would be kind of cool of you, so we'd have, like, an awesome ass to look at. We'd call you Cake Marsh.
I bring my breasts to the show every single day. It's true.
Why don't you bring in a nice ass? It's because they2,500 a cheek. That's not bad, actually.
That's very affordable. Dude, once we sell the NFT of Jake, just fucking...
You'll have so much money. If we use Jake dominating you to finance your new ass...
Maybe. That would be a great way for you to come back.
How'd you pay for it? Well, how much time you got? Well, I would they're fake obviously. Right, of course, of course.
Either way, I don't like that they're now making animated dads hot because like everyone's got daddy issues. It seems like we're going to, it seems problematic.
It's also, yeah, it leads to improper expectations. Yes, correct.
So like if they're going to now I'm actually kind of seeing how every male has been conditioned to look at women it's actually no don't go too far no i gotta stop uh it's gonna be problematic big cat because every woman's gonna see a hot older dad with unrealistic body expectations and every girl is gonna be like how come my husband doesn't look like that it's not fair because real guys our bodies change bodies change as we get older. Correct.
You can't expect us to have perfectly formulated butts, thighs, pecs, arms, shoulders. It doesn't work like that.
And also really emotionally there. Yeah.
Definitely not that one. The persecution of dudes continues.
Yes. Let's just say that.
It's extremely sad. It's very sad.
Jake, your last, our last Who's Back of the Week before we get to Dan Heron. And then we're going to talk Elon Musk and D.K.
Metcalf on the other side. Bobby Valentine.
He's running for mayor of Stamford, Connecticut. Stamford with an M.
He invented the rap. He invented the rap.
And also, I actually was thinking about putting Bobby Valentine on my Who's Back back for a different reason what did he do joe madden got ejected from a game on saturday and i saw a picture i couldn't find it like the actual one person tweeted me that he basically went to the stands and he was in the stands after and it made me think of bobby valentine coming back with uh the glasses and the mustache yeah right so that's weird are you allowed to do that are Are you allowed to buy a ticket to the game and come in? No, I think you're ejected from the game. From the stadium? I think so.
The umpires control what happens on the field of play and in the dugouts. I don't think they control the stands.
No, no, no, no. Ump ejected, I know for a fact, Steve McMichael, who unfortunately he just actually announced that he has ALS

and he's battling that Mongo from the 85 Bears

after singing the seventh inning stretch and criticizing the ump.

The ump ejected him.

From the press box.

Yes, yes.

I love that.

Marshawn Lynch got ejected from a game

and then watched in the stands a few years ago.

That's just Marshawn.

Marshawn Lynch can literally do anything. He's allowed to do whatever he wants.
I also think it's different when you're the stands a few years ago. That, okay.
That's just Marshall. Marshall Lynch can literally do anything.

He's allowed to do whatever he wants.

I also think it's different when you're the coach giving signs and shit.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can look it up, though.

Mongo got ejected by Angel Hernandez.

I like that.

I like Bobby Valentine being back, though.

Politics is good when Bobby Valentine's getting involved.

He's currently the athletic director at Sacred Heart in Connecticut.

Interesting. And he did invent the rap, which is such an awesome thing to say.
Like, I invented the rap. You see that? Do you think he walks up to people? Do we believe that? I'm fully giving him credit for it.
Have to give him credit, because that's something that even if he didn't, the fact that he had the wherewithal to say he invented the rap is genius in its own right, because how can you... Like's not like the pizza, or even the pizza or the hamburger.
I'm sure you can contest it, but the wrap is just a shittier sandwich. It's not like you didn't do anything great.
It's more portable, and it's slightly healthier, but it's not as healthy as people want you to believe it is. I eat wraps.
I like wraps. But you can't tell me that a wrap is better than a sandwich with good bread.
No. It never is.
And there's a brand new wrap industrial complex where restaurants have seven or eight different kinds of wraps. Right.
And it's actually just as unhealthy as eating a sandwich at this point. Correct.
But since it's a wrap, it feels unflashfully guilty. But it's not- That's my diet, actually.
Right. My diet is- Wraps.
I eat wraps for dinner. But it's a worse version of a sandwich.
It is a worse version. It's a wrap.
It feels lighter. Right.
But it's not. That's my diet, actually.
Right. My diet is wraps.
I eat wraps for dinner. But it's a worse version of the sandwich.
It is a worse version of the sandwich. It's like eating fro-yo.
Like, I love frozen yogurt. But ice cream is still better.
Yeah. Like, it tastes better.
It's just better. You know, I invented dipping, like, chicken fingers into a mixture of barbecue and buffalo sauce.
Oh, that's funny because I invented. Buff- the end of the night, I have my Listerine and NyQuil together.
Oh, that's cool. What do you call it? Nyquil.
Yeah, Nyquil. Nyquil.
Nyquil. Yeah.
So we're kind of the smartest people ever. But back to Bobby Valentine.
Do you think he goes up to people who are just eating a wrap and he's like, you like that you know who invented it for sure you're looking at him it honestly sounds like something that a grandfather would make up as a lie to tell his grand kid just like fucking around with him one day and the the kid got so impressed that he's like you know i'm gonna ride this i'm gonna see how long i can ride this lie out it's it sounds like a larry david curbing enthusiasm episode and he's like walking around looking for credit for it no and no one will give him credit. Yeah, well, you can't prove that it's not true.
Right, right. Hey, Hank, how you doing? Great.
Hank, I want to give you a hug. I think you guys should hug it out.
You guys should hug it out, bitch. I don't think there's any tension with us.
I'll give him a hug. I think it's him and the world.
Oh. It's always me versus the world.
It's me versus Big Cat and PFT always. Yeah.
I have your side. Just shake at your side.
I do. You make it so much worse.
You make it so much worse, Jake. Oh, I hope Jake never alphas me because I don't think I could take it.
I would lose it. I'd have to quit or fire him.
Because he doesn't. I can't.
You can't handle that. He's such a natural alpha.
Yeah, and just everything he says is so patronizing, but it's also very nice. He's not trying to do this to Hank.
In a way, Hank, if it makes you feel better, in a way, Jake alpha'd all of us when he did that. He didn't say, I'm better than Hank.
He said, I'm the best one in this office. I'm the best one here.
So really, you're unfairly taking the brunt of it because you happened to be standing next to him in the room after he beat you. But it really was directed towards everyone.
Thank you for that, Hank. Thanks.
You're welcome. Thank you for...
Well, to be fair, Hank, it was one or two people who threatened me losing that title. No one else is close.
Right. Especially not you at UPFT.
So you're really good.

You're really good in this office.

Once a tournament rolls around, I'll be the best in the office.

Whoa.

Okay.

This is actually the greatest Play Barstool app.

Yeah.

Go download it.

$2,000 jackpot.

Whoa.

Thursday.

Whoa.

It's Bird MJ.

Yeah, this is crazy.

MJ. Are you guys playing again Thursday?

Next Thursday.

Weekend Thursday.

You should just bump it up.

People want it.

Thank you. Bird MJ.
Yeah, this is crazy. MJ.
Are you guys playing again Thursday? Next Thursday. Weekend Thursday.
You should just bump it up. People want it.
We'll see. Oh, also, the Dozen Trivia Tournament starts tonight, Monday.
It's going to go live at 7 p.m. on YouTube.
Jeff D. Lowe did an awesome job prepping for all this.
No spoilers. No spoilers whatsoever.
Tonight is Team ZD against Uptown Balls. Two fan favorites.
Yes. All right, let's get to our interview with Dan Heron.
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Okay, here he is, our very good friend, Dan Heron. Okay, we now welcome on our very, very, very good friend and recurring guest and pug owner still.
It is Dan Heron. Dan, great to talk to you.
Sorry about last time. That was our fault.
But it's great to talk to you again. It's great to have you back on.
It's great to be on. i'm proud to be one of the oldest recurring guests on this podcast and the last time we talked yeah it was it wasn't the best i was out to dinner um you called i didn't answer i called you back and then you know i broke the news to you about the pug you kind of made me go there so yeah i was sorry to hear that it's all good.
I'm very sorry. We're a pro pug podcast across the board.
Yes. So, well, yeah, I mean, that was, you know, we move on.
But we wanted to have you on because we want to talk a little baseball, and we do love talking to you. And we thought you would be the perfect person to bring on.
And so let's talk some baseball. I have a bunch of questions, but I wanted to start with something that's happening this year that feels like we are diminishing the allure of the no-hitter.
What, do we have five no-hitters so far? Yeah, we've had too many no-hitters. Too many no-hitters.
So as a former Major League Baseball pitcher, future Hall of Famer, what the hell is going on? Why are there so many no-hitters? We should get to the future hall of famer part later in the podcast but um in regards to no hitters i don't know i i for one never carried a no hitter past i believe five and two-thirds uh i think i had one one time but um i i don't know man that you know defense has obviously got better with shifting. You know, there's more strikeouts.
But the one the other day with Wade Miley, I think he got 15 ground balls, one fly ball. So I think a testament to him being able to get ground balls and defense being in the right spot.
But as for why there is, I don't know why there's so many. It's kind of crazy because i thought this year um with i think pitch counts were going to be down innings the limits were going to be lower so it's crazy to see so many already yeah yeah it's really weird i i mean we can get a rumor going i like to think that they just added an extra stitch or if you just say they added an extra stitch to the baseball that you can be like that's why spin rates increasing and when you were so you took a no hitter into the you said the fifth inning or into the sixth inning which is that's honestly more impressive in that era in the pre-shift era that you were able to get almost six runs with no hits that's almost like a no hitter right now i would say it's basically a no hitter it was basically a no hitter and actually i think it was a five-inning perfect game, which we had a seven-inning no-hitter by the D-backs earlier in the year.

And I basically had a five- or six-inning perfect game, whatever it was. So just to add it onto the list of my Hall of Fame credentials

that went down in flames a year ago.

Yes.

That's Billy's fault.

All you really need to worry about, though, is if somebody Googles Dan Heron no-hitter, you just need a YouTube result to pop up. So if somebody can upload your perfect five-inning game to YouTube and just have it say, Dan Heron no-hitter, perfect game, I think that's almost as good as actually having a no-hitter.
And then after the fifth inning, it could just kind of cut to a game where I got excited about a strikeout or it was a complete game where I hugged the catcher. Well, if anyone could do that, it's your listeners.
Yeah, we'll get that done. So you never threw a no-hitter.
Were you on a team that had a no-hitter or a perfect game? Not a perfect game, but a lot of no-hitters. I saw one was pretty cool.
Edwin Jackson, I was with the D-backs in 2010. We had the bullpen up in the third inning because he had walked so many guys, and he ended up throwing a no-hitter over 150 pitches.
It was awesome. And then I also saw a no-hitter end with two outs in the ninth inning.
I think Curt Schilling was pitching against us with the A's. Someone had a hit two outs in the ninth inning.
That was pretty awesome too. I remember that Edwin Jackson game, and I just Googled it.
It was 149 with eight walks. What? I love Edwin Jackson Jackson because remember the time he got lost going to the training facility for the Cubs in spring training that was like okay maybe the Edwin Jackson years are over here what what was the celebration after 149 pitch eight walk no hitter like do you even celebrate or are you like good dude, but also you might want to work on your control?

That's a good one.

No.

Actually, that night was wild, too.

I remember we were in Tampa Bay, and, I mean,

we went out pretty crazy that night.

I mean, I was only out for a little bit of it, though.

But Edwin was a great guy.

The funny thing about that one is it was A. was aj hinch's first stint as manager and um we were giving him a hard time to be honest with you like we gave him a lot of shit and he was uncomfortable um being the manager i know that and it sucked for him and then he got put in this spot where edwin had like 120 pitches after the seventh inning, and he was absolutely panicked in the dugout, just didn't know what to do.
He was supposed to let him go 150 pitches. And there was no way you were taking the ball from Edwin, though.
He took it and got it done. It was great.
That is a hilarious spot to be in because anyone would be like, like we can't have him pitch 150 pitches but a

new manager you have to let that ride yes and that's you know baseball has changed too in that regard i i highly doubt that they would allow anyone to throw that many pitches um nowadays so you got to get the no hitters done before like 120 has anybody ever thrown a no hitter and lost I want to say that's happened before

that would be amazing

I want to say

oh yeah I think... I actually think Pedro might have done it, right? Jake's got something.
On April 23rd, 1964, Ken Johnson of the Houston Colt 45s became the first pitcher to throw a nine-inning no-hitter and lose. In fact, he's still the only individual to throw an official nine-inning no-hitter and lose.

That article is as of May 13, 2020. Talk about motherfucking your team after the game.
Seriously, guys. I threw a no-hitter.
We didn't win. Yeah, you don't even get to celebrate that, really.
All right, so I'm looking up, too. Pedro, I think, with the Expos in 1995, pitched a perfect game for nine innings

and lost it in the extra innings. Yeah.
That's crazy. What a baller.
Yeah, I mean, that's an insane, insane, insane. So now, because no-hitters are becoming so commonplace, do you think that the rules of not talking to a guy during a no-hitter still apply? In Edwin Jackson's case, is everyone staying away from him when he's pitching a no-hitter or people fucking with him? How does it actually work in the dugout? Because I know everyone thinks jinxes are real and we don't even tweet about it, but how does it actually work when you're in the game? I't think it's a situation where edwin and i are getting a gatorade and i'm reminding him that he's got a no-hitter going into the ninth inning i don't think that's happening but um yeah i think some pictures are you know a lot of pictures are different just some want to be talked to some you know some you don't you don't talk to everybody's kind.
I think Edwin was more, he wanted everyone talking

to him. He was like top step on everything.

At what point do those rules kick in

though? At what point does it become something

that you don't talk about? Is it

the sixth inning? The seventh inning?

I think the turn is about the

fifth inning. And once you get through

the sixth, then you start thinking about it.

It didn't happen too often for me, like I said, but

I think once five complete, you kind of thinking and then six it gets it gets serious i'm thinking about it right now i don't think that i would be able to help myself in the dugout like i would be like hey edwin good job dude you got a no hitter going i would be that guy i don't, maybe my MLB career would be, imagine if I was like

a sick pitcher, but it got cut short

just because I kept on jinxing and everyone's

you would just literally sit next to people

and just tell them like, hey, I'm not going to say

it, but I'm not going to say it. Yeah.

But it would be a shame if you gave up a hit.

Yeah. This is historical.

To be honest, you sound like a terrible teammate.

Yeah, a terrible teammate, but also kind of funny,

right? Like that would be kind of funny. Yeah, it's funny until everybody is losing their no-hitters and wants to kill you.
Yeah, then it would be funny. It's hilarious until then.
He loses a no-hitter, then he loses the shutout, loses the game, and he wants to punch you. In your heart of hearts, as a pitcher, if you had somebody on your team that was absolutely lights out, maybe like working on their second no-hitter of the season, or like a pitcher who is just like, you know, they're putting up all sorts of crazy stats and they're throwing a no-hitter on top of all of it.
Are you in the back of your head like, come on, man, you're kind of showing me up, like enough with the no-hitters? Especially when a pitcher, I would just say myself, I'm not going to say generally. When I was struggling as a pitcher, and I would watch my fellow pitcher on my own team, like dominate start after start, and I go out and get my ass handed to me every five days.
After like two weeks, it gets really old to watch them. I mean, I don't want us to lose, but it's hard giving up like six runs in three innings, and then the guy comes out the next day day and shoves and then it happens again five days later and five days later.
At some point you're like, it's okay to give up a few runs. And like, I'll feel a little better about myself, you know? I think that actually, yeah, I mean, it would definitely suck to watch everyone else be awesome and you just struggle constantly.
I actually think you saw that a little bit with Corey Kluber with the Yankees. I think he had a tough April, and then he finally had one game where he went eight innings and pitched really well.
You could see on his face, he was like, thank fucking God I don't have to deal with the awkwardness of being the guy who's not getting it done on the staff. Toward the end of my career, I was a champ of dealing with the awkwardness of being the shittiest pitcher on the staff for portions of the year.
I can think of my time in D.C. when I would have so many bad games in a row and I would just hide in the hyperbaric chamber but not turn it on just because I wanted to sleep.
That comes to mind. I can tell, too.
There's certain times, like, you're not as active on Twitter as you were maybe a year or two ago, but I can tell when, like, triggers happen from your playing days, because I, like, it was a month ago, I was tweeting about the wind at W Wrigley and I think you liked every single one of the tweets being like, yes. People need to talk about the wind more because when the wind's blowing out it shouldn't be counted.
Oh, God, yeah. I mean, how I would I'd be checking the wind forecast.
We'd be on the road in St. Louis and I'd be pitching like eight days later trying to figure out which way the wind would be blowing in two weeks in Wrigley.
Get to the field, look at the flags. I mean, I would already know it was going to be a rough one.
Yeah. But what about from a hitting perspective? Like as a pitcher, you get to hit in the National League.
Did you ever hit a home run? I hit two home runs. Hell yeah.
That must have been the most satisfying feeling of all time. It felt really good.
I took Bronson Arroyo deep in Cincinnati, and I got Chris Carpenter in St. Louis.
I mean, I actually wanted to bring it up. The Shohei Otani, like what he's doing, is it as crazy to someone who played the game

as it is to casual fans to watch the guy go up, pitch like 100 miles an hour,

and then hit the ball like 500 feet?

Is it insane to your brain?

Like, how is he able to do both things so well?

It is crazy.

It's really crazy until you look at how I hit in 2010 and realize that i was basically shohei otani in 2010 that's that's why i wanted to know about your home runs because that's like that's the buzz right now shohei otani and so i feel like if we get talk about your uh half game perfect game and like footage of you just walloping dingers out there i feel like the we we can resurrect the Hall of Fame nomination. I always let the D-backs pitchers know in spring training that I'm the last pitcher in the history of baseball to have four hits in a game.
Oh, wow. So, yeah, part of me is rooting for the DH, the universal DH, so I could have that for the rest of my life.
But yeah, I mean, 2010, I was absolutely locked in. But people forget it.
They forget fast. Dan Heron in 2010 batted .364.
Holy shit. .364, a home run, seven RBIs.
You were Shohei Otani without the power. If you extrapolate my numbers, if I would play every day like Ohtani, I would be better probably than Ohtani.
The only thing that he can do that I couldn't do is run, and I couldn't run that well. Yeah, if you had played every day, you would have had 70 RBIs that season um yeah fuck that's all right okay put it on the list that's a great one it is that's another big one speaking of the angels i also wanted to bring up mike trout i think it's so funny not funny but weird that mike trout might go down as like maybe outside of barry bonds uh the greatest baseball player of all time like that's's, it's crazy to say, obviously he's still got to, you know, play for a bunch more years, but, and, and like no one appreciates him how he should be appreciated.
Like this year I was looking at it and he's batting 388 right now. And it feels like no one's really even talking about the fact that Mike Trout is just doing this again.
He must be. Two weeks ago, he was hitting like 430.
So he must have. It's hard when you go two for five and your average goes down.
That's rough. But, yeah, he is the greatest player I've ever seen.
I was kind of arguing with my dad. I was telling him he might be the best hitter in the history of baseball and he didn't agree with me Who did he say? Well he's old so he grew up in New York so he's a Mickey Mantle guy Roger Maris has the home run record guy so that's who he is But it is like if you actually look at it, and I know this is probably a hot take to say because saying like someone's the best ever, it's always hard to prove that, especially in a sport like baseball.
But he's – how old is Mike Trout? Mike Trout is – He's got to be about 30. He's 29.
He's 29. So he's about to be 30 this summer.
So let's just say he plays eight more years. I mean, he already has 310 home runs.
He'll end up with, I don't know, close to 600. His career average is over 300.
He does it all. It's just crazy.
It feels like he's getting better. So I don't know.
It's just a weird thing to have someone be that good and could go down as let's even just say top 10 all-time player and it doesn't feel like he gets maybe it's do you think it's just that he hasn't had the October moment like he hasn't had the deep run in October the October moment I think it's where he plays he probably if he played for the Dodgers he'd get he'd get more love but yeah I I mean, you don't – you know, today was Dodgers-Angels. Like, it wasn't the Sunday night baseball game.
You know, like, people don't get a chance to see him. And, yes, he is the greatest of at least our era.
What is it about the Angels that just – it just kind of makes – I don't know, when I see the Angels, just their team colors, their logo, they just seem like a boring franchise. But they are like a – they play in a massive market.
It does look boring. It does look boring.
Yeah. They're one of two teams in Major League Baseball that when they play on the road, they don't have what city or state they're from on their jersey.
And who is the other one? Actually, it might have changed by now. The Blue Jays.
Oh, well, yeah. That's kind of, yeah.
Is that true? Is it true or is it a guess? They might have changed. Well, they might have Toronto, so it might be the city.
Who's the other one? Tampa. Tampa.
Oh, I forgot they had a team. Shit.
The Devil Rays. Devil Rays.
Hard team.

That's the Rays.

That would be great if Mike Trout got traded to the Rays and everyone's like, he's on the East Coast now.

And it just was the same.

It's actually funny you bring that up because those are kind of similar franchises.

The Rays have been more successful recently.

But even the Rays have been to the World Series last year.

They were in the World Series, you know, like a decade ago. They've been pretty damn good and, like, young, fun players.
And still people are like, oh, yeah, the Rays. I forgot about that.
They've been good for so long now, and they don't spend any money that it's become annoying, I think, to everybody. Yeah, I like that.
It used to be, like, a cool story, and now it's like, Jesus, not again.

Yeah.

Hockey is on. And no matter the city, no matter the team, no matter the game, whether it's face-off or penalty shots, regular season or playoffs, win or lose

no matter what happens

no matter where Regular season or playoffs. Win or lose.

No matter what happens.

No matter where it happens.

New Amsterdam Vodka is there.

I was having a debate with my buddy last week.

Maybe you can help me out.

Give me some insight from the mind of a pitcher.

If you were to power rank being nasty, being dirty, and being filthy,

which one comes first?

Thank you. the mind of a pitcher if you were to power rank uh being nasty being dirty and being filthy which one comes first filthy would be first okay nasty is second and dirty is third can you give us a perfect example of like each of those three of being mad who's nasty and who's dirty yeah Who's dirty, who's filthy, who's nasty.
Jesus. I should have prepped you for this.
Yeah, I asked you for the questions beforehand. You'd never send them to me.
I sent you. No, I said, Trout being insane, your pug dying, Lakers sucking.
And I told you I don't watch the Lakers anymore. We didn't even talk about how tragic a death my pug had either okay all right let's do it do you want to talk about it let's shift let's shift gears yeah this this will turn into a therapy session okay so we went out we went out to dinner we rarely leave our dogs outside very rarely and it's all gated and everything Wait, wait, wait.
And what's first what's your dog's name what was your dog's name bernie bernie okay all right so bernie was bernie was old he's 15 and he had a lot of stomach problems he had so many like so many near-death experiences like i was i mean he one time he fell down the stairs he he fell down was on his side it was like running in place he emptied his bladder started pooping i was just telling him to go toward the light and he ended up bouncing back and was totally fine like 20 minutes later okay i love dogs like that i love dogs like that dramatically yeah he's he is he is so tough. He had tumors all over the place, but he was 15.
We missed Bernie because he was tough. But he wasn't tough enough to get away, I think, from the coyotes.
No! No! And my wife doesn't even know because I just told her that he had just passed in the passed in the backyard but i had wrapped him up in a like a big blanket before she saw and it wasn't pretty man how you should you know what though it's good that you're sharing this grief with us because now we have to shoulder this burden yeah do you live close to michael rapapur by any chance yeah and this is a psa for locking your dogs up too i mean now i mean we're even more we have the one pug left and we've very obviously we have to leave him outside sometimes just to go to the bathroom and stuff but like we're more conscious about not leaving him out for too long or at certain times of night um so it it sucked man 15's a long life for a dog yeah but then to go out like that i know i know i'm trying to do a positive spin in a way it's kind of like circle of life type stuff what was the other pug doing at the other pug was it traumatized that's what we don't know the other pug was fine so because there's a certain way that kind of coyotes you know that they attacked according to the the vet and so the way that he that i found him i knew that it had been that way but the other pug was okay but um i don't know what had happened to him maybe we spooked him we because it looked like it happened pretty recently when we got i don't want to imply that your other dog had anything to do with it but um is there a chance that this was just pug on pug violence i doubt that that they then they often got into little fights and tips but never never to that extreme but um it was and if they were to fight my old 15 year old pug would dominate it absolutely dominate it so there's no way way. So the Lakers suck though.
Yeah, easy transition. Lakers suck.
But we're in the play-in game though, so that's good. I mean, you're probably the biggest Laker fan I know.
You watch every game. He's Laker Dan.
That's what we call him. You pretty much are Laker Dan.
Do you feel like last year's championship was a little cheapened by the bubble uh no not necessarily I think maybe uh this year may be cheapened because a longer season LA we haven't had we haven't been able to have fans in the stands really and even now I was looking into going to a game with my kid to a Laker game but you can get get in, but you're not allowed to eat or drink inside the stadium. So that's like 95% of the fun for my son.
Yeah. And also a good portion of fun for me when I get to the stadium.
So I'm going to blame it on that. But, no, I mean, last year it was good.
I don't know. Basketball just hasn't been the same for me just without the fans, at least in L.A.
Yeah. But it was a good spin zone, pre-spin zone.
You would probably agree, though, that anything less than a championship is a disappointment of a season this year, right? Yeah. But LeBron, I'm sure we won't win a championship, and, you know, it'll just be the injuries.
Yeah. He's never going to be back to 100%.
Yeah, he actually – Have you ever sprained your ankle? No, but you – Dan, you had an injury that was never – you were never back to 100%. Do you think LeBron's kind of – like he's kind of playing this up a little bit.
He's sprained his ankle, and then he's saying he's never going to be 100%. You hurt your back.
No. And that happened.
LeBron – LeBron making excuses? No chance. Come on.
That's not him. No way.
This happened to you. This is not fair.
A sprained ankle is very serious. It's like that and turf.
No. And speaking of my injuries, the biggest accomplishment of quarantine was I finally got my hip replaced.
You did? I had a full hip replacement. Yeah, I did.
Fuck. I remember when we were talking last and you were like, yeah, I keep getting it scheduled and then I just don't show up because I hate the doctor.
Very similar to the dentist for me where I put it off for years and years and years. And then it comes back and it's gone too far.
You know? Now, I've heard with hip replacements now, you can just straight up walk out of the hospital the same day. Is that what you did? I did walk out of the hospital, but then i was barfing all night i don't do good with the uh anesthesia so yeah it was that that part sucked did you did you go to the dentist dude you're not gonna believe this i i was at the dentist a couple days ago to get a teeth cleaning now so i i had surgery i don't remember the last time i was on i had surgery because i had let my gums get out of control where they had to do a gum graft unfortunately I'm going to need the gum graft on the other side and then I have a couple root canals that I need but they said I could wait a little bit so I'm going to go ahead and wait a few years on those and then we'll see about the gum graft once I start That's not real! I'm see how much how much gums i could possibly lose on my upper left side like it's gonna i'll be literally be able to see into my like nasal cavity see how high they can go that's right the root canal thing is not real they do not tell you you don't have to get it i've had it it sucks but they tell you right away they're like yeah you got to get a root canal dude no because they say does it hurt you and they're shocked and they're like no it doesn't hurt me i i the like it's gotta hurt when you get hot or cold on your teeth no i'm good they're like all right well i mean you can wait you know for a little bit and i said okay yeah let's just you know we got the x-rays we did the cleaning we're good so you just don.
We're good. So you just don't have nerves in your jaw.
You just don't feel pain in your teeth. Some people are built different.
Yeah, so I like that you've got to clean too. You're basically like driving.
It's like getting a car that's totally broken down. The engine is missing, but you got a car wash.
Yeah. My teeth have never looked better.
They look great. Where do they take your gum from and put it? I don't understand how a gum graft.
Do you have like heavy gums on one side and light gums on the other? No, no, no. So they take gums from the roof of your mouth, and they slice them off, and then they attach the gums to where you're missing gums on the side.
So I i got i got put to sleep for that too whereas like my my 17 year old uh niece did the did a gum graft she had an issue and did one and she did it just while awake and was totally fine where i had to have an i had to pay out of pocket for an anesthesiologist to come in and put me to sleep for for that yeah i'd say that's probably worth it but i didn't know that your gum the roof of your mouth. I just always thought that was roof of your mouth.
Yeah, you have gums on the roof of your mouth that they take, they slice it and they take it and then they attach it, they stitch it onto the side of your teeth, like where your gums have receded. Oh, man.
You're doing a great job convincing me to never dip again right now. Thank you.
Or never go to the dentist again. I mean, if you don't go to the dentist, there's nothing that, that's true that is i mean i think that's pretty much like do you want to go to the dentist twice a year or do you and just be nervous or do you want to go once every 10 years and just get knocked you just have anesthesia all day and get everything taken care of just like a coma for a day and then knock out knock it out, you're fine.
It's way more efficient that way.

I like it.

This is why men all die like 10 years earlier than women, because of what you just described,

because I've done the same thing.

I once went and I stopped them.

They were doing cavity filling, and I did two on one side, and I stopped halfway through,

and I was like, oh, I got to run.

I got a meeting I forgot about.

And then I just didn't get the other two filled, and it became root canals. So I'm in the same boat as you.
It sucks. Oh, I skipped all my follow-ups for the kidney stones.
Yeah. I don't know what's going to happen with my body, but I'm just assuming that it's going to work its way out somehow.
The best is when I hurt my- But if you don't go to the doctors, you'll never know and you're good. You're fine.
Yeah. When I last hurt my back, I went to physical therapy for like four times and then they were like all right so we'll see you next week and i was like i think i i think i know all the exercises honestly taking care of your body is a big waste of time unless you're a professional athlete which or unless you have kids like you know you got a little kid now maybe it's nice to get that hour break and go to physical therapy just tell your wife it's really important you got it you know true true killing you it's nice is your wife going to be upset when she finds out about how the pug died because no one tell her everyone just chill about it yeah chill about it so like we're just asking everybody to not mention it to your wife is that is that the strategy here yes yeah okay that is the strategy everyone just be sad about bernie but don't say why He's 15.
He was 15. We don't know.
Inconclusive, right?

Inconclusive. Mm-hmm.

It's like Prince Philip dying. R.I.P.
Yeah, 99. Sweet Prince.
We think it was old age. We don't know.
Maybe a coyote got into the fucking Buckingham Palace. Yeah, you never know.
I know that. Did you ever get a response in your DMs to the Queen or to Melinda Gates? I have not, but I'm still – I'm holding out hope for the Queen.
That's really my A1. I've moved on from Miley Cyrus.
I realize that looks aren't all that important to me. I'm more about power.
I just wanted – What about Melinda Gates? No? She's pretty powerful. The Epstein connections there make little A little trepidatious I'm in wait and see mode on that Although she is going to have The most fun summer of all time Like her and her friends Renting an island For like three months at a time That is a trip I would like to be invited on Yeah You never know Alright Dan I have one last question I totally forgot to send you this as well But I think you you're friends with Jared Weaver, right? Yes.
Did you see him? He was talking, I think, yesterday or the day before. And I follow him, and I think he has good insight to the game.
But he was saying, essentially, here, I'll read his tweet. He said, guys and girls, I'm all for celebrating and having fun on the field, but showing someone up is a different category.
People that have never played don't deserve to chime in. What's the difference between showing someone up and having fun? Well, first of all, you're not allowed to chime in.
Fuck, you're right. Shit.
Yeah, but for me, since I have played before, I will say I do think the celebrations have gone too far. And it's something I want to talk about on Twitter, but I don't really tweet anymore.
It's just too much. Like the Tati stuff, like he's amazing.
He's great. And, you know, I like the let the kids play type stuff.
But, you know, it's also I'm going to be in the minority in this and say like, you know, seeing like my kids' baseball teams and stuff and, you know, how some of the kids act after they hit home runs, I don't like it. They're watching, you know, they're watching their idols, like I said, do it.
And I think, too, Weaver comes from a place where, you know, we both play with Trout and we kind of see how he handles his business and that's kind of what we like to see but you know the game has obviously changed and there's parts of it i like and parts of it i don't and that i think it's got a little far um it there is a point where you have to kind of be respectful i thought you know back in the day where you know i think that also didn't fans like when like someone pipped a homer and then you hit him in the back the next to that like I I feel like that's kind of gotten lost now you know because oh it's okay to throw your bat and to you know act like a clown when you're running around the bases I actually become normalized yeah I actually agree with you I think the pen like like many things, the pendulum just swings so far in one direction, and we don't find that perfect middle ground where, to me, it's more about, and I'm sorry that I'm chiming in. I shouldn't chime in.
But if I were to chime in, what I would say is it's more about it has to match the moment. Like, everyone remembers Batista's bat flip or bat throw.
That was in the playoffs. That was an enormous moment.
If you're playing in the middle of May or April and you're throwing bats like you're in Game 7 of the World Series, what does Game 7 of the World Series look like? So I think it's less about, I'm cool with bath flips i think it's all great it's fun show players showing their personality is great for the game but it's more about like it has to match the moment and it has to be like ramp it up so that when we get to october we see some shit that we don't see and we see the emotion that we don't see in april right now it feels like we see October energy in April. So when it was the Nats and the Astros in the World Series and Bregman took his bat to first base and then Soto hit his and took his two steps further.
That's awesome. That's the right time to see that.
I also like Dan. I like that.
But like a day game in Cincinnati in April and yeah, it seems like game seven of the World Series. It's a little much.
Right. I also like that you're kind of the next generation of the old baseball curmudgeon.
We need somebody coming up like that. Cause I haven't heard anybody kind of like stand on, on that table and say that it needs to be dialed back a little bit.
It's good. You're actually smart to not tweet it out.
Because if you, if you start bashing people on Twitter about bat flips and stuff, you get demolished by people on Twitter. Oh, this is what let the kids play, all that stuff.
You can't even say anything anymore. I'm better off just keeping my mouth shut on Twitter anyway.
You know what we're going to do? I think we should. We're getting a list of things that Billy Football has to do when he comes back from his internship to full-time job.
I think we should make him be the backflip police and just be the guy on Twitter who's like, this is too far. And just let everyone focus their energy on him, and then we can just maybe normalize it.
Igest a punishment for how bad the backflips are. Every time.
He's just like, this is not classic. I was pitching for the Marlins in 2015, and I remember I was thrown against the Cubs, and Junior Lake, I don't know if you remember.
Yes, I know Junior Lake. He hit a bomb off me, and he absolutely pimped it.
And I literally wanted to kill him. I wanted him to die.
And, like, I don't know what I ended up doing. I ended up throwing at, like, Starlin Castro or something else.
Something else had happened. But, like, I do miss that about baseball.
Like, I mean, I never, you know, you kind of can police it yourself. But I understand that I'm in the minority in this, and that's just the way it is.
Yeah, Junior Lake was the guy before the guys, where it was like before the Cubs rebuild was finished. We're like, ooh, is Junior Lake one of these guys? He was not, so I would understand your frustration.
Yes. Wait, Dan, I'm pulling up your video right now of your home run.
Because I want to see how you react. It's off Carpenter.
Okay, he's winding up. Here comes the pitch.
You hit it. You got good hustle out of the box.
But you did take your time. You were milking it a little bit around the bases.
You slowed up when you got to second base. You kind of realized what had just happened, and you wanted – Oh, yeah.
It took you 20 seconds to get from second to third base in this trot. In my defense, I was a rookie in St.
Louis, and Chris Carpenter was on that team. And, you know, maybe he didn't treat me that great in 2003 when I was a rookie.
So, yeah, you know, maybe I took my time. That's fair.
My hip was probably killing me. It looks like I'm trotting, but...
Sprint. You're sprinting.
You're going as fast as you possibly can. That's actually a full sprint around the bases.
Tactical sprint. I did have one last thing I want to ask you about.
Albert Pujols. You already said that.
What? You already said you had one last thing. No, that was Big Cat.
And I still have one last thing. This is how it works.

Big Cat will say he has last thing, and then I've got a last thing,

and that will remind Big Cat of his other last thing.

I'll just have a mother's day with my mother and my wife and my mother-in-law.

Go ahead.

Yeah, okay.

Is there a nice way to tell a player that they need to retire?

Like what the Angels end up doing with Pujols,

do you have one side of the fence with people being like, he deserved better than that, and then the other side's like, well, he kind of stinks this year. And what were they supposed to do? But how do you solve that? That's a very easy answer.
And it happened to me once in my career. You just put him on the DL.
That's all you do. Or the IL, whatever.
Yeah. You throw him on there.
You know, you got foot soreness and IL, and then and then transfer them to the 60 day and you kind of forget about them and then you know maybe bring them back in september something like that damn that's respect right there yeah that is respect they should have done that yeah and when you're that age you can just like find something that you can say hurts yes um dan thank you i always we always love having you on i know that you always are hard on yourself but I'm telling you like the AWL's love when you come on they always ask for you I appreciate it it's hard seeing the list of guys you have on it's Mark Wahlberg it's the guy from the office and then it's Dan Heron so it's tough you know I am proud to be one of the first ever guests on the podcast.

That's a fact.

I am proud of that.

And if everyone wants to just throw Dan a nice tweet being like, hey, it's awesome having

you on.

Just, you know, I throw 88.

He's on Twitter.

So just be like, pump him up.

Let's gas him up.

Yeah, I'd appreciate that.

All right, Dan.

I got to get back to tweeting, too.

I'll start tweeting a little more.

All right, there you go.

There's the deal. So everyone gas him up and he'll tweet a little more.
All right, Dan. Thank you so much.
We'll talk soon, Dan. I got to get back to tweeting, too.
I'll start tweeting a little more. All right, there you go.
There's the deal.

So everyone gass him up and he'll tweet a little more.

All right, Dan.

Thank you so much.

We'll talk soon, man.

All right, fellas.

All right.

See you, man.

Hey, what's going on there, pal?

We saw you at the hockey game.

Do I know you guys?

I'm Ryan Whitney.

I got a drink named after me.

Not a big deal.

Pink Whitney?

That's what I thought.

See you, fellas.

I invented the thing, you pigeon. Pink Whitney for legendary moments.
Okay, let's finish up with two segments, and we'll send everyone on their way. The first up is Embrace the Bait.
What is the exact Embrace the Bait? Embrace the Bait was DK Metcalf's last place finish at the World Track and Field Qualifiers was it the most impressive last place finish of any race ever run did he officially finish last he finished last well they're they're saying he finished ninth big cat and if you ask me how many people competed in the sprint there were nine so there no one's saying got it we're not talking about DK finishing last we're saying that he finished ninth. First in our hearts, last in the race.
Dead last in the race. Now, I will be the bigger man in this situation and say that it was an extremely impressive last place finish.
He ran it in 10.37, which is fucking fast as shit. It was crazy.
I watched it, which credit to DK, because if you're a track and field person and you're like, this guy just disrespected our sport or anything like that. I didn't see any of that but I'm just saying if there's anyone out there.
I saw there were a lot of people saying he's going to get straight up embarrassed because there's an element of track and field which is they know how fast they are and they're like this guy has no business. Yeah there's a different level of fast.
He's going to get run off the track and he's going to get introduced real quick to the next level of speed and it out he actually competed. Right.
It's kind of like the Canelo and Jake Paul thing we were talking about. There's a different level of athlete.
DK is that level of athlete. He's not all the way that level of athlete when it comes to pure speed.
But credit to him because I watched. I tuned in.
Like, that's track and field. No one talks about track and field except for the Olympics.
And they talk about it for one week every four years, right? They should do things like this more often. Absolutely.
Essentially pros versus Joes, but the Joes are also pros in other sports. It was cool to see.
I really enjoyed watching it. Just like by, like, it wasn't like some incredible experience, but what I'm saying is it was cool seeing DK Metcalf, a guy I know from watching on Sundays, competing against guys like that and putting it all into perspective.
DK Metcalf was impressive, and then at the same time he got embarrassed. He finished last place.
It's weird because he was way better than I thought he would be, but he also was not even close to as fast as the fastest guys.

Right.

Yeah.

That's what we're saying.

It was like the most impressive possible last place finish.

I texted him before the race. I said, hope you burn everyone in 100 meters and qualify for the Olympics.

Good luck.

Let me know if you need any tips.

And he said, I appreciate it.

And if you ever want to release the real footage of what happened,

me and you, let me know.

So he's claiming that there was like some doctorate footage. I might be down.
Oh yeah, okay. We should actually be nicer to Hank because he does, Hank contains, he's got a lot on his computer that could absolutely just destroy us.
Remember that time when I had you, when I made a tape of myself naked after the George Brett? I still have it. Yeah, that was bad.
We put up a GoPro, and I just got naked and cleaned the chili out of my ass. Fully naked.
NFT? No shirt on. NFT, big cat's penis? You know what? If I can get the money for it, I wouldn't be totally opposed.
that should go on the only fans yes yes one time

bubba i i asked him to edit a video of me getting out of the bathtub i was taking a bubble bath and reading mike greenbird's book book for his birthday i sent him i thought that i had like shot it carefully he's like no your balls were just hanging out everywhere he was like yeah there was nothing i was like no i blurred out your dick i saw your dick uh but anyway dk metcalf like he was impressive

but also got embarrassed.

It also puts into perspective how incredible Usain Bolt is, because the argument is DK Metcalf is so much bigger than these guys, and DK Metcalf is heavier than Usain Bolt, but Usain Bolt was 6'5", 210, and he's the fastest man ever. I was really impressed, actually, with DK's first 20 meters.
Yeah. He was almost tied for first place after 20 meters.
Yes. But then you get to a point where you can't maintain that same acceleration.
You slow down at a much faster rate than everybody. Because everyone slows down over the course of 100 meters.
It was cool. He finished in last place again.
It was cool. In a race.
Good job. All right.
Our other segment to finish up the show, Dogecoin update. Elon Musk went on SNL.
Apparently, he tanked. I didn't watch.
I saw some of the clips. Nobody in their right mind should watch SNL with any expectation ever.
But this is also kind of the DK Metcalf in track and field. I feel like people were like, why is Elon Musk on SNL? Well, because everyone's going to watch or at least talk about it.
It would have been sick if he had done the Chris Farley character and been like, I live in a Tesla down by the river. Yeah.
That would be funny. Damn.
Yeah, Dogecoin. The Tesla truck looks sick.
Except you can break it with a little pebble. But did you see it? Like there was live footage of it rolling around New York?

No.

The space truck? No, I didn't see it. It looks badass.
Yeah, I guess he bombed so badly that Doge went down. But then it bounced back.
I'm not fucking selling because it's Doge. And it's going to take a lot more than a mere 40% blip for me to get out of this.
Because my goal is just to stick around until July. july if people like when when people ask uh what's the deal with doge it's pretty much one the memes and two it's similar to bitcoin and like i would say 90 of bitcoin's value is just a bunch of people online trying to prove a bunch of uh older people online that they're wrong at everything they know about like finance is wrong.
That's really it. It's like the told you so factor.
There's that. And it's also if you can convince as many people as possible that Bitcoin is legit and just gets it to get people to talk about it.
The thing that you have invested in the technology behind Bitcoin, actually, value goes way up if you just get more people to talk about it. So with Doge, it's like that, but since it's based on a joke meme, publicity is 10 times more important than any real value.
Right. As far as I can tell, the best thing that can happen to Doge is just a famous person says the word doge on a massive platform

correct the bigger the platform

if they if they say doge if they hold up a picture

of a shiba inu that's why i have

i saw one today i saw one today did you yep

did you pet it uh no it was walking

past me i should have taken a picture though

i would it felt good it felt good seeing one

if you come up to me with a shiba inu i will

i have to tip your dog i have

to pay your dog wait put your tip in it

no no oh tip as in

got it like yeah just

Thank you. If you come up to me with a Shiba Inu, I have to tip your dog.
I have to pay your dog some royalties. Wait, put your tip in it? No, no.
Oh. Tip, as in.
Got it. Yeah, just a tip.
Are you guys Twitter tipping? No. I'm not.
No. Is it on your? Do you have the option? I'll open mine up.
You can. Yo, Jake.
Did you Twitter? Are you Twitter tipping? Jake? Oh, Jake.

It's on.

But I don't want it to come across where it's like, all right, people are listening.

You know what?

I think you can.

I think the problem is that our $75,000 an episode joke has gone so far you can't.

But you can.

What if Jake got $5,000 in Twitter tips to get Hank a new ass?

Oh, shit.

That would be...

What's your Twitter handle?

My ass is not just up for sale.

What's your Twitter handle?

Yeah, it is.

What's your Twitter handle?

PMT Sports Biz?

Yeah.

But, like, I'm not trying to...

No, no, no.

People, please tip him.

Tip this man so that we can get Hank a new ass.

Yes.

That's not going to be my money.

Yeah.

That's not what I want.

That's exactly.

No.

Perfect.

You wouldn't do it for the show?

If it's completely safe cosmetic surgery.

I heard it takes like four weeks to recover.

All the money is going directly.

Yeah.

Actually, not being able to sit is the worst thing possible.

Oh, you can't sit?

Yeah.

And you can't be somewhere like in New York City.

Yeah.

You got to be somewhere.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

So you go to Hawaii. Yes.
I'll get an ass surgery in Hawaii. And you would have to do, like, instead of sitting, you'd have to have, like, a desk that you could lay down on your belly on.
Yeah, I don't know. I figured it out.
Standing desk or something. Yeah.
If you weren't allowed to sit, but you got to move to Hawaii, do you think that you would actually like to live there? No sitting. What a question.
Yeah, I just surfed the whole time. Yeah, the whole time? Okay.
You can't sit ever. You either have to be laying down or standing up, but you get to live in Hawaii.
I mean, no, obviously not. I don't know.
I think you could find a way. I think I would end up laying down all the time.
Yeah, you just lay down. Yeah, but the time differences, dude.
like it would suck to live there. What? No, who's that impression of? That's you guys.
Yes. Is that what we sound like? Yeah.
Damn. Dude, football starts at 10 a.m.
I can't do that. Yes.
I stand by all that. Are you serious, dude? I stand by that.
I stand by all that. All right.
All right. So if you tip Jake $5,000.
43. Hank gets a new ass.
99. 73.
18. Eight.
Hank needs a win. Come on, 43.
74. I have an animal fact and I have a journalism fact.
Remember, we're doing both. Yeah, give them to us.
I thought we were doing either or. Are we doing either or? Journalism fact.
All right, journalism fact. Lester Holt was kicked out of a radio station in Alaska when he was 11 years old.
What? That's fascinating. His brother worked there and he didn't work there.
And I guess the people said, you don't work here. You can't be here.
I was in a restaurant in New York, like, maybe two, three years ago.

That's what he said.

I love you guys.

And there was a guy that was playing bass on stage.

And I was like, that guy looks like Lester Holt.

And I went up closer.

And Lester Holt was playing in a classic rock cover band, playing bass. Yes, he was.

And he's actually pretty good.

It was crazy.

Of course he is.

What's the animal fact?

Ghost crabs growl using teeth in their stomachs.

Whoa.

Love you guys. I know.
I did my face. I'm.
I'm. I'm.
I'm. I'm.
I'm. I'm.
I'm. I'm.
I'm. I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

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I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

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I'm.

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I'm.

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I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

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I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm.

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I'm. I'm.
I'm. Oh, oh,'s up.
Then it's up. Then it's up.

Then it's up.

If it's up.

Then it's up.

Then it's up.

Hey.

Up.

Then it's up.

If it's up.

Then it's up.

If it's up.

Then it's up.

Then it's up.

I can make the party party.

I can make the party party.

I can make the party party.

I can make the party party.

I can make the party party.

I can make the party party.

I can make the party party.

If I had a big party.

I'm looking like a lollipop.

Oh, Bicky Cappanee.

I can make the party party party.

I can make the party party party.

I can make the party party party.

I can make the party party party.

I can make the party party party.

I can make the party party party party.

Thank you. Out of the top.
Thank you. I need you Take a look at the light, tell me what you say to me.
It's no better bad, but they're not the belly dance. Take a man, I can back, party back.
I know you bitches fuck. It's all of them, all of them, all of them stuff.
It's all of them, all of them, all of them stuff. My bitches ain't fucking with me now and I can see why.
30 ass, 30 ass bitch, you got pizza. Bitches won't smoke until I bring it to the doorstep.
Call that bitch, that, that rap's more like bullshit. Put it on him now, he will never be the same.

He's not it on my ass, cause I really like the pain.

He's not it on my butt, I said I'm glad that you came.

If that nigga had a friend, I would let him run the train.

Big bad, listen, not the baby bang.

Take a moment, let's be out of party.

Back and all you bitch, fuck it.

Big bad, listen, not the baby bang.

Take a moment, talking back, party.

Back and all you bitch, fuck it. If it's up, just up, just up, just up.
If it's up, just up. Outro Music