Dan Haren, Medina Spirit Is A Junky, And Hank vs Jake

Speaker 1 Hey, Pardon My Take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 3 Aldi is now on Uber Eats. So whether your fridge is empty and you're too tired to shop, or you just ran out of essential ingredients, don't worry, we got you.

Speaker 3 Get 40% off your first Aldi order on Uber Eats with code New Aldi25. Orders $30 or more, save up to $25 and it's 1231, see out for details.

Speaker 1 On today's Pardon My Take, we have our good friend, recurring guest, future Hall of Famer, Dan Heron. We talked to him about baseball,

Speaker 1 some really heartbreaking news. I'll just say that.
Just be ready. R.I.P.
Bernie. If you're in the car with your kids, some really tough stuff to talk to him about, but we got through it.

Speaker 1 We are going to, all the people who listen to this podcast, we're going to shoulder some of the grief that Dan is going through.

Speaker 1 Make sure you listen to it. though.
Always awesome to have Dan back on.

Speaker 1 We're going to talk a little Kentucky Derby because turns out maybe some steroids at play, which there's nothing funnier than a horse doing steroids, and we have a steroid issue, and it's going back to like when we bullied Nyquist offline on Twitter.

Speaker 1 We have Who's Back of the Week? We have some segments, DK Metcalf, Elon Musk, Dogecoin, and we're brought to you by our friends.

Speaker 5 When cool creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce.

Speaker 5 Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 2 At participating McDonald's.

Speaker 2 No place to hang out on washing.

Speaker 2 And then I can't name all of the songs. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Elaine Trick Avenue.

Speaker 2 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 2 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elaine Trake Avenue.

Speaker 1 It's Pardon My Take presented by

Speaker 6 School Sports.

Speaker 2 Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the Chevy Silverado.

Speaker 1 Go buy a Chevy Silverado right now.

Speaker 1 Today is Monday, May May 10th,

Speaker 1 and we have something we have to discuss in this studio. Let me just play the audio real quick so that people can

Speaker 1 fight back.

Speaker 6 That's the office. We're a great competitor.
This is my day. I wasn't letting the Nets steal that.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 1 I am the boy.

Speaker 1 Jake says, I am the nuts.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 So, you're probably saying to yourself, hey, didn't this happen on Thursday? Well,

Speaker 1 you can feel the tension in this studio. And a funny thing happened on Thursday when we taped.

Speaker 1 I think we had equal amounts of embarrassment. Jake by becoming the number one alpha on the show, and Hank by being Jake's straight-up bitch.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we're now, by the way, girl boss energy revoked transferred. Yeah,

Speaker 1 Jake's got it now.

Speaker 4 No longer has it.

Speaker 2 I don't know how to proceed.

Speaker 1 I, this is, this has been on my mind all weekend: that Jake Marsh, our darling Jake, is a stone-cold killer,

Speaker 1 fellas.

Speaker 2 Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Speaker 7 I feel bad for Hank.

Speaker 1 Shut up,

Speaker 1 that makes it so

Speaker 1 lovely.

Speaker 7 I had zero intention of him getting humiliated the last three days.

Speaker 1 It just happened. It just happened.
And he knows that, too.

Speaker 2 I love how every time Jake apologizes,

Speaker 2 he's trying to be serious. And I think in his heart of hearts, he's coming from a good place.
But when you say things like

Speaker 2 for Hank to get totally emasculated

Speaker 1 by me, he's got hurt. Bitch.
Wow.

Speaker 2 We have our own rage monster on part of my take now.

Speaker 1 I likened it to when they show when a serial killer gets caught and they interview the neighbors and the neighbors are like, yeah, no, he's a totally normal guy.

Speaker 1 Like, saw him walking the dog, like, always wave to us. Yeah, he kept to himself a little bit.
That's what I felt when I watched Jake scream and dominate Hank. I didn't know that was inside of you.

Speaker 2 It comes out from time to time. I've seen it watch her twice.

Speaker 1 But to that level, very competitive.

Speaker 8 I had also beat him. Jack McCarthy beat him previously, so I was obviously in his ear being like, oh, you know, you were good, but you're kind of washed.

Speaker 8 And then then he, yeah, he felt the pressure bad.

Speaker 7 Let me give some context here.

Speaker 1 I'm the best in the office.

Speaker 2 I'm the best one here.

Speaker 1 I'm the best. It's Pete Weber.
It is. We have our new Pete Weber moment.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine if Tom Wilson did that? No. The fines and suspensions that everybody called him.

Speaker 1 Played to kill him. Play the Pete Weber

Speaker 1 clip real quick.

Speaker 1 I am.

Speaker 1 David Wright. Real quick.
Okay, now go, G.

Speaker 7 Yeah, so entering Thursday's match, my record was 11-2, but I knew if I lost, it would have been my first time losing consecutive matches.

Speaker 7 And the moment Hank had an opportunity to say I was no longer the best, he would have ran away with it.

Speaker 1 So, I knew if I lost back to back, right, so I knew it was an elephant in the room, but I knew I'm 12-2 now.

Speaker 7 I'm the best freaking one here.

Speaker 1 All right, so, but how do we proceed? Because I like Hank is your bitch. You should actually have him on a leash.
No.

Speaker 1 No, I mean,

Speaker 8 we're going to run it back a few weeks from now.

Speaker 8 It's a long-standing robbery. I used to be BFT.
I destroyed him. We had to bring in some people.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 I beat you the last time we played. Now we have Jake.

Speaker 2 Hank, Hank, you're on like an ice-cold losing streak to everybody that you need to be beating.

Speaker 8 All I'll say is what hurts the most, as much as it hurt losing to Jake.

Speaker 8 There was a person who was five for five going into the last contest in the play Barcelon jackpot.

Speaker 1 If I had gotten, I lost 21 to 18. They were the real losers?

Speaker 8 I lost 21 to 18. If I had just got one more point and lost 21 21 to 19, he would have won $1,500.

Speaker 2 I saw some of those returns that you were hitting straight into the net.

Speaker 2 Jake didn't win that. You choked that one away.

Speaker 1 Wait, can we play the audio just one more time of Jake? Because I think people don't really understand this.

Speaker 1 I'm the best of the office. Jake says, I'm the best Real! You're losing from Jake Orson.

Speaker 1 Are you guys going to be okay?

Speaker 1 We're fine. Well, I know you're fine, Jake.
You're the one who alpha's him.

Speaker 1 You took your fucking balls out and

Speaker 1 shoved them down Hank's mouth. Like, he can't.

Speaker 1 We know you're fine. Hank?

Speaker 8 I mean, it's a regular season game. You got a little too emotional for a regular season game.
We'll see what it's like to be fine.

Speaker 1 All right, start the freaking tournament then. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you guys need to hug it out. PFTA.

Speaker 1 That just answered my question that they're not fine. They're not fine at all.
They are not fine. I'm actually a little bit worried about Hank.

Speaker 2 I am. I think that he's beaten himself up pretty bad over this you can see in his eyes you hank you've got dead eyes right now i was

Speaker 2 i looked up i looked up a list of ways to improve your self-esteem uh and self-confidence be nice to yourself is number one i don't think i don't think that you're giving yourself space to admit that it's okay that you got completely emasculated by our darling jake hey hank it's okay to not be okay hank it's not your fault it's not your fault i think i just might need to you know i just i have to see jake every day and you guys rub it in my face every day like maybe i need i'm not rubbing it in your face maybe I need a stating a few days off like I don't think it's oh yeah you need a vacation listen I don't I'm not rubbing it in your face

Speaker 1 I just want you like to me

Speaker 1 as a friend I need to tell you what everyone else around the office is saying you weren't here on Friday and everyone was like holy shit Hank is Jake's bitch so I'm just conveying that message because I don't want you to hear it from someone else Well, yeah, I might just, you know, you might not see me around the office too much in the next, you know, the coming days.

Speaker 8 I did. I'm not feeling too good right now.

Speaker 1 I can feel it coming on.

Speaker 1 I would say the only good thing that would come out of this is I would assume Norman is not turned on by you anymore.

Speaker 8 Nope. No, I'm a single dog dad this week, so I got to deal with that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because Rhea's living at Jake's house now.

Speaker 1 No, she's in death for me.

Speaker 4 It was,

Speaker 2 if, if Normie was around,

Speaker 1 Normie sees Jake 10 minutes into the show.

Speaker 4 If so much stuff happened this weekend, Normie's going to think that Jake's.

Speaker 1 So much stuff happened this weekend.

Speaker 2 All right, here, number eight on the list. Celebrate the small stuff, Hank.
Celebrate the little things.

Speaker 2 You got the podcast out on time. We think.
Hopefully.

Speaker 8 And that Toolstream's video got a million views. So that was great.

Speaker 1 There you go. Awesome.

Speaker 2 It was, yeah, absolutely great for the interactions on Twitter. And

Speaker 2 you're building a very strong brand if all it consists of is just you getting bitched all the time. Yeah, right.

Speaker 8 It was me destroying you for like nine months.

Speaker 1 Credit to you, Hank, for putting out

Speaker 2 that never happened.

Speaker 1 Credit to you for putting out a podcast where you're just repeatedly called a bitch, which actually would, that kind of makes you the ultimate.

Speaker 1 Never mind. Yeah, whatever.

Speaker 2 Credit to you. Put this podcast out, bitch.

Speaker 2 Put my voice on the internet, bitch.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's sign some zombies.

Speaker 8 That's what's coming out like 3 a.m.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.
No, you're not. No, you're not.
Yes, I am. No, I feel

Speaker 1 like I'm not.

Speaker 1 This is the way worst part is that Jake is so nice.

Speaker 8 And he was already in the video. He was like, oh, I wasn't going to let the net beat me.
Like, no, I was beating you. I do.
It wasn't the net.

Speaker 7 I know you were beating me, but those two points, 18, 16, back-to-back, same

Speaker 7 exact thing, you were even laughing.

Speaker 1 It was patronizing.

Speaker 2 I do think that Hank should start taking steroids.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 1 I'm with you. I'll do it with you.

Speaker 2 You need to match Jake's rage.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll do it with you.

Speaker 1 Either way, Jake is our new boss.

Speaker 1 So welcome, Jake.

Speaker 1 I know my role.

Speaker 7 I'm a supporting player.

Speaker 1 You're the best in the office. You're just making it.
You're the best one here.

Speaker 1 You're the best one here.

Speaker 2 I am the best one here.

Speaker 1 All right, let's talk at table tennis.

Speaker 2 At table tennis, which is the

Speaker 1 ping pong, it's table tennis.

Speaker 2 But what other way do you have to crown the master of an office than who's best at ping pong?

Speaker 1 That's really in America.

Speaker 2 If you have a ping pong table in the break room, the person who's king of that table is also king of the office.

Speaker 1 I'm the best of the office. I'm the best one here.
All right, let's talk. Since we just mentioned steroids, let's talk about the big story from the weekend.
Bob Baffert and his horse,

Speaker 1 Medina Spirit, might have cheated in the Kentucky Derby. This story fucking rules.

Speaker 2 Well, I put the the blame on the horse.

Speaker 2 You can't just make excuses.

Speaker 1 The horse did the whole thing.

Speaker 2 The horse likes doing drugs, obviously.

Speaker 2 It's a junkie horse. As our 45th president called it, it's a junkie horse.

Speaker 2 And I think

Speaker 2 it should be forced to race in the last two legs of the Triple Crown, but it should have actually just

Speaker 2 a syringe tattooed on its side. It doesn't get a number anymore.
It's done. It's just number S for steroids.

Speaker 1 It has not lost on me the simple fact that I finally did win the Kentucky Derby, and I talked about it ad nauseum for the days afterwards and then that one win has a huge asterisk because Bob Baffert is addicted to shooting his horses up with steroids.

Speaker 1 I am going to defend Bob Baffert though in the simple fact that his defense is so hilarious and out there that I think we have to become Bob Baffert stands.

Speaker 2 He just said it's really weird that all my horses keep getting busted for steroids. That's very unusual.

Speaker 1 So here's the quote that Bob Baffert had. He said, it's disturbing.
It's an injustice to the horse. I don't know what's going on in racing right now, but there's something not right.

Speaker 1 I don't feel embarrassed. I feel like I was wronged.
We're going to do our own investigation. We're going to be transparent with the Racing Commission like we've always been.
He's a great horse.

Speaker 1 He doesn't deserve this. He ran a gallant race.
And then he went on to say, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I know everybody is not out to get me.

Speaker 1 But, which that's such a great windup for a butt, I know everyone's not out to get me, but there's definitely something wrong. Why is this happening to me?

Speaker 1 You know there's problems in racing, but it's not Bob Baffert. Jesus.

Speaker 1 That is so great.

Speaker 2 It's perfect because he essentially put together a great prosecution of himself. He's doing a very good job, but then he ends it by saying, but it's not true.
No.

Speaker 2 Listen, I admit, this looks bad.

Speaker 2 He's got a suppository and his... hand is like three quarters of the way up Medina Spirit's asshole.
He's like, this looks bad. I can explain.

Speaker 1 Why does this keep happening to me? Why do my horses keep testing positive for banned substances? And then when you drop the third person,

Speaker 1 that's such a power move on everyone. Like, look, there's a lot of problems here with horse racing.
It's not Bob Bafford, says Bob Bafford.

Speaker 2 I think this goes back to my old theory of you never trust a man with transition lenses.

Speaker 2 The person is up to something shady. Yes.

Speaker 2 Once you reach the stage in life where you commit to becoming a transition lens guy, and that's the only thing that's part of your brand, your image, I'd be shocked if you weren't spending your days and nights drugging racehorses i have one one

Speaker 1 little uh

Speaker 1 note to that i agree with you don't trust a man with transition lenses unless they're sitting at your blackjack table they will give you good advice true they absolutely will tell you the right move a guy in transition then when you get up they'll probably pick pickpocket you because that you want to but in the moment that is where you can trust a transition lens fella or bruce arians or bruiser he he counts too but even still i think drinks paint i think i don't don't know I think his just turned from light to dark it's like a mood ring for Bruce depending on what his blood alcohol level is I just love that Bob Bafford actually got in front of everyone and was like I'm not a conspiracy theorist I know everybody is not out to get me but there's definitely something wrong why is this happening I got a dumb question uh why is it illegal to give a horse steroids?

Speaker 2 Was it steroids? This is why I kind of wish that we had he who shall not be named in the studio right now to walk us through.

Speaker 2 He could just take a look at Medina Spirit's nipples and tell us exactly what it was taking.

Speaker 1 So I think the substance he tested positive for is not banned, but it was an elevated level. And also you have to have it cleared

Speaker 1 like a couple weeks before and like addressing. Like an add-eral prescription.
Yeah, in the NFL. Right, right.
So, and this is also something he got a horse at the Kentucky Oaks.

Speaker 1 I think it was last year, maybe the year before.

Speaker 1 That did happen where he tested positive, and that horse got kicked out of the Kentucky Oaks. So it's happened like four or five times, I think, to Bob Baffert Baffert in the last couple years.

Speaker 1 Again, not a conspiracy theorist. I like how.
Why does this, why do bad things just keep happening to him?

Speaker 2 I like his main point is just for the horse. Yeah.
He feels bad that the horse's family is getting dragged

Speaker 2 now.

Speaker 1 He's being called the junkie.

Speaker 2 The junkie horse.

Speaker 1 The junkie horse. I looked, I don't see him on Twitter.

Speaker 2 I don't think Medina Spirit has a Twitter account because I was just going to tweet gifts of Elmer's school glue at it all day today. See if we can get offline.
I think that we need,

Speaker 2 it might be a societal problem.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Can horses, do horses or other animals take recreational drugs?

Speaker 2 Like, is that a thing that's found in nature?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they eat like hemp or something.

Speaker 2 Koalas eat, what is it, eucalyptus, and they just get high in the mushrooms.

Speaker 1 Mushrooms? Yeah, why not?

Speaker 2 I just wonder if there are actual junky animals that like to stay high all the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, probably. There's got to be,

Speaker 1 yeah, right? There's got to be like some dogs out there that just like to chill. Like to chill?

Speaker 1 I always, whenever I see someone who is pretty much, like, you know, I'm not going to say 100% that Bob Bafford did this, but let's say 99, right? Because that's what all common sense says.

Speaker 1 I like to go think about the alternate universe here and what a conspiracy theory would look like

Speaker 1 is like someone, a nefarious figure running around horse barns in America's greatest racetracks and shooting up horses right before races, specifically Bob Bafford's horse. That's a hilarious concept.

Speaker 2 I mean, all signs point to Papa John. Yeah.
In a circumstance like this, he's in Louisville. It's just.
He's got all the money.

Speaker 2 He's probably, if you're going to look at Papa John and be like, this guy doesn't gamble on horse racing, you're an idiot. Yeah.
I think it would be him or, yeah, probably just him.

Speaker 2 I was going to say another college basketball coach, but I think I'm not going to say that. Nope.
I'm not going to say the other

Speaker 2 guy.

Speaker 1 Nope.

Speaker 2 But yeah, it would be very funny if there was a massive conspiracy.

Speaker 1 It's just

Speaker 2 to do nothing else but just to fuck with Bob Bafford.

Speaker 2 It's not like you have a money-making enterprise behind ruining this guy's name.

Speaker 1 Right. Like, whenever you see these things that people are like, oh, I'm being screwed.
I don't know how this keeps happening.

Speaker 1 What, like, how funny would it be if just once the person was correct that there actually is a conspiracy theory against him?

Speaker 1 And even though he looks completely culpable in this situation, it's like, no, someone is actually trying to take down Bob Baffert by putting a fucking needle in the horses right before racetime.

Speaker 2 I also like that they called him to, like, hold himself to account in front of the Kentucky Colonels.

Speaker 2 They should have all the Kentucky Colonels do just a trial by fire on Bob Bafford to see if he's a witch or not. Yes.

Speaker 1 As for the winnings, to quote the great Jim Calhoun, not a dime back. I will not be giving a dime back.
I know I saw some people demanding that I give my money back.

Speaker 2 I would have matched it if you had given it back.

Speaker 1 It's not going to happen. Not a dime back.

Speaker 1 I watched that press conference this morning again.

Speaker 6 Considering that you're the highest paid state employee and there's a $2 billion budget deficit, do you think that's a good thing? Not a dime back.

Speaker 6 Not a dime back. Not a dime back.

Speaker 2 I'd like to be retired someday.

Speaker 6 I'm getting tired. $1.6 million is enough?

Speaker 6 I'm sorry? $1.5 million? I make a lot more than that.

Speaker 1 You do?

Speaker 1 Someday we've got to get him on because him saying

Speaker 1 when the reporters like,

Speaker 1 we found out you make $1.6 million a year, and he says, oh, I make a hell of a lot more than that. He said that in a fucking press conference, like, right in someone's fucking face.

Speaker 1 So, not a dime back.

Speaker 2 I honestly think that a steroid scandal would be great for horse racing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, no, no.

Speaker 1 Horseing's in trouble.

Speaker 2 Big cat. We're talking about horse racing.

Speaker 1 People want to strike. This is bad.

Speaker 8 People are trying to convince people to not pet horses anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, horse racing is in trouble. Like in general,

Speaker 2 there was that one track that had like 10 horses.

Speaker 1 We're in a precarious spot in horse racing in America. I think it's one of those sports that people are starting to be like, yeah, maybe we don't need.

Speaker 1 I love horse racing, so I think that this is not the scandal we need. We need...

Speaker 1 talking about it no no no but it's not good talk this is not good talk this is the haters are going to be like see this is a fucked up sport like you know they need to clean it up they need to get rid of it it's not a good talk i i think they should let him race in the other legs of the triple crown yeah we'll see if they'll i mean it's it will be weird if he if so if uh medita spirit it's i guess there's an appeal going on right now but either way the the second place horse is not running in the preakness so the second place horse would be named the kentucky Derby Champion and then still wouldn't run in the preakness.

Speaker 1 So the triple crown would be dead right there.

Speaker 2 Well, would it be a triple crown if it did run in the preakness and then at the end?

Speaker 1 I think so, technically.

Speaker 2 That would be an amazing trip. The asterisk triple crown.

Speaker 1 The weirdest one, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, I might not be in favor of actually giving horses drugs against their will. Yeah, it's not good.
I'm going to stand on that table.

Speaker 1 It's not good.

Speaker 2 But on the other hand,

Speaker 2 I would tune in and watch if Medina Spirit was racing in the other legs.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, no, no, of course.

Speaker 1 Or here's what they should do.

Speaker 2 They should have police horses arrest Medina's Spirit and escort him into jail.

Speaker 1 That, too. Give him a jail.

Speaker 1 What I was going to say is

Speaker 1 if they don't let Medina Spirit run, they should have Medina, like Bob Baffert should have Medina's Spirit run a timed race exactly the same length at the exact same time that the Preakness runs.

Speaker 2 By himself.

Speaker 1 And on like Fox. I like that.
That would be great. And you're the bad boy of racing.

Speaker 2 You're creating your own Super League.

Speaker 4 Yes, right, exactly.

Speaker 1 That would be a way to get people to talk about it.

Speaker 2 I like that. I just think it's coincidental how all these horses started doing drugs when Lil Nasak started talking about riding his horse.
It's true. Where are the fathers, big cat?

Speaker 1 It's true. All right, so what else do we...
So we're going to talk DK Metcalf and Elon Musk, SNL, after Dan Heron.

Speaker 1 As for

Speaker 1 other sports stories, we had another no-hitter this weekend, which

Speaker 1 I'm getting no-hitter doubt. We're going to talk to Dan a little bit about it, but I'm getting no hitter.
It doesn't even register. Yeah.
It's not even, it doesn't even register on the radar for me.

Speaker 2 There was a seven-inning no-hitter, even though we're not calling it that, though, right?

Speaker 1 But you know, I felt like you know, 15 years ago, like, oh, no-hitter watch. Like, oh, let's put it up on you know, ESPN and we'll sit there and watch the last few innings.

Speaker 1 If someone told me there was a no-hitter and it wasn't, it was a team other than the Cubs like in the eighth inning, I'd be like, oh, okay, cool, let me know how it goes.

Speaker 2 It's become slang for like, this is a boring game.

Speaker 1 Yeah, don't watch me.

Speaker 2 Like, why would I watch that? I want to watch the game where every pitch is getting hit.

Speaker 1 Well, it's also just like the thing I'm more interested in is how did he not have a perfect game? Like, how many walks did he have? Like, the one against

Speaker 1 the Orioles pitcher,

Speaker 1 was it John Means? I think his name is. I might have screwed up that name.

Speaker 1 It was, he actually had a no-hitter, and it would have been a perfect game, but the catcher dropped a third strike in the third inning.

Speaker 1 That's like a horrible way to lose a perfect game.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there was the perfect game out in Colorado, right? Was that Angel Hernandez at first base?

Speaker 1 Detroit.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, that was a different umpire, but yeah, he was one who was like, I kicked the shit out of that coal. I'm sorry.
I feel sick for this guy. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 2 By the way, a very nice, touching tweet came out early today from the Major League Umpires Association. Jim Joyce.

Speaker 2 Jim Joyce, that's right. Which is like my favorite association, just in general, because they made a shield for themselves, which is like an umpire's mask on a shield.
I like that.

Speaker 2 They protect their own shield. They just tweeted out like Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there from Major League Baseball umpires.
I love it. It was touching.

Speaker 1 I love the pink bats. Yeah.
I love the pink catch. Catchers really get to swag out more than anyone else.
Yeah, they look like. It's not really fair.

Speaker 2 They looked like they were going.

Speaker 1 Like goalies. Yeah.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes. It was like they, with all the

Speaker 2 pink stuff that the catchers were wearing, they looked like hunters. When you go out in the woods and you have like, they're MILF hunters today.
Yes. They were MILF hunters.

Speaker 2 And it was like, was it Melina that had the entire pink

Speaker 1 bottom? Yeah, he's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 In general, he just fucking makes it all about himself. Okay.

Speaker 1 There should allow position players to wear wear catcher gear once a year. I agree.
Like, imagine a third baseman wearing catcher's gear, trying to maneuver.

Speaker 2 It'd be very fast. That would be very far.

Speaker 1 Or a pitcher. Yeah, both teams have to do it at the equal, so it's totally equal.
And then just, you know, everyone just tries to hit them. I also.

Speaker 2 Is there a rule that prevents batters from wearing catcher's gear? When they step up to the play? Like Barry Buncelle.

Speaker 1 Barry Bonds kind of did, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But like, can you go up there wearing a face mask?

Speaker 2 That would be fun. The Astros should be doing that.

Speaker 1 Yes, I had an idea for a dumb baseball rule on Friday. It's they should allow, we might have even said this like five years ago, but they should allow runners to intercept passes.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So if you caught the ball, you're not out. Yes.

Speaker 1 How sick would that be?

Speaker 2 Like when you were playing kickballs, right, right, right.

Speaker 1 So like if you think that you're not going to be safe, you just turn around and try to catch the ball. You got to catch it cleanly, though.

Speaker 2 On the other hand, you should also be able to hit a batter or hit a base runner with the ball and they're out.

Speaker 1 In the head. No counts as two.

Speaker 2 No headshots.

Speaker 1 No headshots count as two.

Speaker 2 But then you have to determine whether they ducked into getting hit in the head. That was probably the start of like 90% of all playground fights.

Speaker 2 We're like, no, this guy ducked into the throw on the kickball field. It was targeting before.
He targeted going after his head intentionally.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we were just replaying.

Speaker 1 It was a terrible foreshadow of our entire college football watching experience in 2021 was being like, did he duck or what was the intention?

Speaker 2 Exactly, yeah. I think it probably got us pretty well prepared to eventually be replay officials.

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 NBA, we're just getting ready for the playoffs. It feels very weird.
I don't know why they did this.

Speaker 1 I know why they started late, but I don't know why they didn't do a shorter schedule because I watch, like, I'll flip on the NBA and I'll watch the Bulls are going to do a classic thing where they make the playoffs,

Speaker 1 and then they fuck everything else over. But no one's playing defense right now down the stretch.
No one wants to be out there right now down the stretch. Just get to the playoffs.

Speaker 1 And the only other thing I had on the NBA is Luka Doncic is getting very close to being like a dirty player.

Speaker 1 Shit. What do you do? All right, well, wait, let me say it.
Let me say who's back of the week is brought to you by our friends.

Speaker 2 Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boarshead makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

Speaker 2 Whether you order catering platters ahead from your local Boarshead retailer, or you create your own spread at home with Boars Head premium deli meats and cheeses, you are sure to impress your guests my favorites like oven gold turkey or blazing buffalo style chicken paired with their classic Vermont cheddar or creamy Munster cheese are sure to score big and help me elevate my entertainment every time whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration seriously guys it's a game-changing flavor for every gathering boarshead committed to craft since 1905.

Speaker 8 Who's back? I have a couple. First one was Rory.
Rory McElroy.

Speaker 1 I just said we were going to talk about Luca.

Speaker 8 Well, yeah, I was getting my first one out of the way.

Speaker 1 We'll do Luca.

Speaker 8 Okay, Rory's back.

Speaker 1 And my second who's back. Why is Rory back?

Speaker 8 He won his first tournament in like 18 months.

Speaker 1 I think that was Hank trying to sneaky get a little bit of power back.

Speaker 2 It was, and it was also Hank. What?

Speaker 1 I'm sure Hank knew what my favorite was. All right, my second who's back is going to be

Speaker 2 Rory, and Hank stole another one of my who's backs again. Yeah, good.
I'm happy. Who's back?

Speaker 1 Hank's stealing my who's back. Yeah, just go first.
My who's back is Robinson. Okay.

Speaker 2 My first who's back is Rory.

Speaker 2 He won this weekend.

Speaker 1 Bryson DeShambeau actually. When was the last time he won?

Speaker 2 It was 18 months ago. I never knew that.

Speaker 4 I didn't didn't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Wells Fargo. It was the Wells Fargo.

Speaker 8 No, no, it was the last event he won.

Speaker 2 This was the Wells Fargo, Hank. Right.
You're wrong.

Speaker 4 Which was the last one he was.

Speaker 2 It was the one that was 18 months ago, so it was the winner classic.

Speaker 1 Right. What was it? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I've always wondered about Rory, like, why don't people root for Rory to be back like they do for Speed?

Speaker 1 Because Rory was the best golfer in the world.

Speaker 7 I don't think 2019 World Golf Championships, HSBC Championship.

Speaker 1 There you go. I think

Speaker 1 from the little I do know, I think it's Rory became bad, but he's not like a total head case like Jordan Speeth. Also, I think Rory got married.

Speaker 1 He got, well, he got almost married, and then he got broke up, right? That's right.

Speaker 1 Caroline Wozniaki, right?

Speaker 1 And then he got married. Right.
There was that whole thing that that breakup had something to do with it. And then he got married.
So everyone's like, oh, he got married.

Speaker 1 He's not going to win anymore.

Speaker 2 Whereas Jordan Speet's like, oh, he just honestly can't take two steps without yelling at himself Speeth is younger that's my best explanation and it probably is a hundred percent wrong because Rory's the guy that I I put a bet on him to win every single major tournament he's like the last guy that I add in at the end of my card yeah I'm like because what if this is the time that he becomes back right finally but right I feel like maybe he's the Jordan Speeth of Northern Ireland like they talk about him over there like we talked about MJS.

Speaker 1 No, he's the MJ of Northern Ireland. He's the guy.
But MJ of the menu. I don't even think they even talk about it.
Like, I don't think they can talk badly about him.

Speaker 2 He's still that important?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 2 He's also small.

Speaker 2 People don't realize that.

Speaker 1 But he's also kind of bit.

Speaker 2 He's like 5'6 and jacked.

Speaker 1 But kind of, yeah, sneaky bit. He got jacked.

Speaker 8 It's a good who's back 50. Real legend.

Speaker 8 My second who's back is nut smashing.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 8 Luka Doncic got ejected today. I think it's his second ejection in a week.
Yeah. For nut smashing Colin Sexton.

Speaker 1 He is getting any all.

Speaker 8 And it was a pretty clear, like, you watched the video, like, he turned around with intent to just smash the guy's balls It wasn't it wasn't a market smart it was very

Speaker 1 instant replay of cameras trying to make it look worse than it was This was a clear and decisive nut smash it was it was very clear and Luca has the double whammy of if he decides to go the dirty route He's already he already gets people mad at him because he complains about every call So like you can't then you just become Chris Paul If you're dirty and you complain about every call, you got to do one or the other.

Speaker 2 So at least Deli didn't really complain about calls.

Speaker 1 Right, like Mark McGett doesn't complain about calls, does he? Like, he doesn't, he's not doing that constantly. Never embellishes and doing the resting bitch face of, like,

Speaker 1 why is this going against me again?

Speaker 2 Right, he's not that emotional out there, right?

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 This was a, if I were to rank nut taps, this is probably like, I don't know, 8.9.

Speaker 1 It was something pretty bad.

Speaker 2 He wound up.

Speaker 8 He tried to stop himself at the very, very, very last second, but it was way too late.

Speaker 1 He must have. Colin Sexton must have just, I don't know what he did.
Probably just frustrated him to a point. I mean, that's, you just can't do that.

Speaker 2 The look on Luca's face after the officials get together and talk it over and decide to eject him is priceless. It is weird.
It's like a mix.

Speaker 2 It looks like he's watching himself on film being like, I can't believe I did that.

Speaker 1 We need to, as men, start to stand up against like dick punchers like this more often. Like, if you asked me,

Speaker 1 what Luca did to Colin Sexton was way worse than what Tom Wilson did. Agreed.
Like I'm being serious though.

Speaker 1 Why as men do we not defend each other's testicles and penis?

Speaker 2 I think that we should because in the case of this, like it's it's a coward's way out because it's just like it's the easiest way to inflict a lot of pain. You don't have to be good at fighting.

Speaker 2 You don't have to be stronger than the other guy. And also can you tactical strike?

Speaker 1 It could really hurt someone for like 10 to 15 minutes where they like feel like they got a fart, but they can't.

Speaker 2 Forget about just hurting the person that you're hitting. What about the emotional pain that gets inflicted on every guy that watches it? Yes.
Because every guy watches, and you wince.

Speaker 1 This is why.

Speaker 2 I feel like Luka Doncic hit me in the testicles.

Speaker 1 This is why I wish Bob Lee was still alive because we should have an entire

Speaker 1 E60 about nut tapping and how it's one of the biggest health scares that we've had in professional sports. Similar to CTE.

Speaker 2 It's the new concussion.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's not CTE.

Speaker 1 CTE is worse, but if we're looking for a new thing, chronic testicular encephalopathy. Let's be honest.
Roger Goodell has solved CTE. That shit is in the past.

Speaker 1 He figured that whole thing out, figured out a way for us to all just stop talking about concussions.

Speaker 2 Now we're just going bananas over his chair.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's really incredible that he was able to do that.

Speaker 1 So what about nut taps? What about dick punches?

Speaker 2 It's not right. We came to a consensus on this podcast about five years ago that we had to stop.
We were going down a very dark.

Speaker 1 You almost killed me. You almost killed me.

Speaker 2 We were going down a very dangerous path for a while. We were hanging with the wrong crowd, and we had a little back and forth where Big Cat and I would sack tap each other once a week.

Speaker 1 And then I went a little too hard one time, and I felt bad.

Speaker 4 You lay down on the side of it.

Speaker 1 That was by far the most painful nut-tap, dick punch I've ever received.

Speaker 1 And every guy, if you're over the age of 25, and you haven't been like nut tapped or dick punched at least 50 times, that means you just don't have friends.

Speaker 1 But yeah, like you, it was so painful.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine it if we hadn't stopped and we just kept it? You probably wouldn't have kids.

Speaker 1 No, it would be, yeah. No, I don't want to think about that.
Because it was, whenever you got to that age where you realize how funny it was, it was very, very funny, but it also was really painful.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it was years and years of just having that reflex of like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 Would you rather be pants, dicking balls, or sack-tap directly on your right testicle?

Speaker 2 at like a moderate amount of power like the one I gave to you in no that was that was a lot of power and you got everything strong I'm sorry

Speaker 2 probably probably pants I'd rather be pants probably pants yeah yeah

Speaker 1 or let me throw in one more marry fuck kill pants huh

Speaker 1 that uh punch in the balls as hard as possible have Jake Marsh completely alpha you and your entire life I think I would rather I would

Speaker 1 I would fuck getting pants.

Speaker 2 I would marry Jake Marsh yelling at Hank. I want that to continue for the rest of my life.
Exactly.

Speaker 4 Do I part with that one?

Speaker 1 NFT.

Speaker 2 We should NFT Jake Marshall.

Speaker 1 We should NFT that. Yeah.
That moment needs to live on.

Speaker 1 I'll personally spend all my money on it.

Speaker 7 I've gotten a lot of merch requests, too.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure if I can do it. Why are we not doing that? We need it.

Speaker 1 All right. Either way, is that all your who's backs, Hank?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Good job, Hank.
I like those.

Speaker 1 Do you have the others?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so obviously Rory was a big who's back of the week after he won the Willis Fargo after 18 months when he last won the World Golf Championship. My second who's back is UNC women's field hockey.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 they just won their third national title in a row.

Speaker 1 Was that yours, Jake?

Speaker 6 It was one of them.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 7 Yeah, they just beat Michigan.

Speaker 1 It was golden goal.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do you think that UNC women's field hockey is bad for women's field hockey? Because they're too dominant.

Speaker 7 I don't think so. They're always in the mix, though.
Because I was waiting for the

Speaker 7 lacrosse selection show to go on.

Speaker 1 Asked me in two years.

Speaker 1 Because I just am now being aware of the fact they're on a three-piece.

Speaker 2 Well, it's a dynasty now.

Speaker 1 Right, so

Speaker 1 this was their third. Third in a row.
So

Speaker 2 if they win one more in the next two years, at that point, I think they become a problem.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, if they win.

Speaker 1 If they go five in a row, that's bad for the sport.

Speaker 2 Very bad for the sport. My other who's back of the week is Canelo.
Canelo's back to Ginger.

Speaker 2 He broke the other dude's orbital bone. That was a nasty uppercut.
And also, you forget how satisfying it is to watch just straight up body blows. Yes.
Just like kidney punches.

Speaker 1 It's also, obviously, Canelo Alvarez is the top of the fight game, but it's so funny watching him move and the fact that there are real people out there who are like, Jake Paul's a legit boxer. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, no, no, no. They don't, they're completely different athletes.
Well, canelo. I know.

Speaker 2 Canelo take another man's hat.

Speaker 1 I wish this wasn't a no-duh, but it actually has to be said because there are real people out there who are like, Jake Paul might just fuck around and win all the belts.

Speaker 1 Like, no, no, he won't.

Speaker 2 He would get his ass. He would have his ribs broken.

Speaker 2 He would never touch him.

Speaker 1 That's the part. It's not even that Canelo would hurt Jake Paul.
Jake Paul wouldn't be able to punch Canelo Alfred.

Speaker 2 The way that he moves his head around in the ring is, honestly, it's like it's hypnotizing.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 If you're trying to fight against him,

Speaker 2 there's no difference between that and staring at a magic eye poster. You get confused watching his head move around.
Yes.

Speaker 1 All right, my who's backer animated hot dads. We thought about doing Monday reading of this, but it's like way too long, too, too long, New York Times.

Speaker 1 But it was basically an article about our animated dads getting hotter. An investigation.

Speaker 1 This one guy basically decided that Pixar has changed the animated dad game and has made all these animated dads really hot. Not like

Speaker 1 smoke bros, but just

Speaker 1 a combination of their looks and their emotional vulnerability.

Speaker 2 Yeah, who do you think is the hottest dad?

Speaker 1 Animated.

Speaker 2 Animated. I'm going to go with the old guy from up.

Speaker 2 It looks like Joe Paterno. Peter Griffin.
He's just such a nice guy. Peter Griffin.
He's hot.

Speaker 1 Hank Hill. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But he's got tiny ass, though. Great ass.

Speaker 2 No, he's got tiny ass.

Speaker 2 Hank, you know what we should do?

Speaker 2 We should get you butt implants.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They're back.

Speaker 8 I made that suggestion on this show not but a week ago.

Speaker 2 They're back.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's a good idea. It's true.
We should do it.

Speaker 2 So I initially was going to say the stakes for our next lost bet should be like if you lose, you'll have to get butt implants, but I think that you actually want to get butt implants.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 8 Definitely not. No.
I'm not like dying to get butt implants by any means whatsoever.

Speaker 2 You just said you suggested it.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I did, but that doesn't mean I want to do it.

Speaker 1 It'd be kind of cool of you, so we'd have like an awesome ass to you.

Speaker 1 I bring my breasts to the show every single day. It's true.
Where why don't you bring a nice ass? It's because

Speaker 8 it's like, you know, $2,500 a cheek.

Speaker 2 That's not bad, actually.

Speaker 4 That's very affordable.

Speaker 1 Once we sell the NFT of Jake, just fucking...

Speaker 4 You'll have so much money.

Speaker 2 If we use Jake dominating you to finance your new ass.

Speaker 1 Maybe.

Speaker 2 That would be a great way for you to come back.

Speaker 1 How'd you pay for it? Well, how much time you got?

Speaker 8 Well, I would never say they're fake, obviously.

Speaker 1 Right, of course, of course. Either way, I don't like that they're now making animated dads hot because

Speaker 1 everyone's got daddy issues. It seems like we're going to...
It seems problematic.

Speaker 2 It's also, yeah, it leads to improper expectations. Yes, correct.
So they're going to...

Speaker 2 Now I'm actually kind of seeing how every male has been conditioned to look at women.

Speaker 1 It's actually

Speaker 1 got to stop.

Speaker 2 It's going to be problematic, big cat, because every woman's going to see a hot

Speaker 2 older dad with unrealistic body expectations.

Speaker 2 And every girl is going to be like, How come my husband doesn't look like that? And it's not fair because real guys, our bodies change as we get older. Correct.

Speaker 2 You can't expect us to have perfectly formulated butts, thighs, pecs, arms, shoulders.

Speaker 1 It doesn't work like that. They're still really emotionally there.

Speaker 4 Yeah, definitely not that one.

Speaker 1 The persecution of dudes continues.

Speaker 2 Yes, let's just say that. It's extremely sad.
It's very sad.

Speaker 1 Jake,

Speaker 1 our last who's back of the week before we get to Dan Heron. And then we're going to talk Elon Musk and DK Metcalf on the other side.

Speaker 7 Bobby Valentine.

Speaker 1 He's running for mayor of Stamford, Connecticut. Stanford with an M.
He invented the rap. He invented the rap.

Speaker 1 And also, I actually was thinking about putting Bobby Valentine on my who's back for a different reason. What did he do? Joe Madden got ejected from a game on Saturday, and I saw a picture.

Speaker 1 I couldn't find it. Like the actual, one person tweeted me that he basically went to the stands and he was in the stands after, and it made me think of Bobby Valentine coming back with

Speaker 4 glasses and the mustache.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. So that's weird.
Are you allowed to do that?

Speaker 1 Are you allowed to

Speaker 2 buy a ticket to the game and come?

Speaker 1 No, I think you're ejected from the game.

Speaker 2 From the stadium? I think so. The umpires control what happens on the field of play and in the dugouts.

Speaker 1 I don't think they control the standards. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Ump ejected, I know for a fact, Steve McMichael, who I unfortunately, he just actually announced that he has ALS and he's battling that Mongo from the 85 Bears after singing the seventh inning stretch and criticizing the ump, the ump like ejected him from the press spot.

Speaker 1 Yes, I love that.

Speaker 7 Marshawn Lynch got ejected from a game and then watched in the stands a few years ago.

Speaker 1 That, okay.

Speaker 2 That's just Marshawn. Marshawn Lynch can literally do anything.
He's allowed to do whatever he wants.

Speaker 8 I also think it's different when you're the coach giving signs and shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can look it up, though. Mongo got ejected by Angel Hernandez.

Speaker 2 I like that. I like Bobby Valentine being back, though.
Politics is good when Bobby Valentine's getting back.

Speaker 7 He's currently the athletic director at Sacred Heart in Connecticut.

Speaker 1 Interesting. And he did invent the rap, which is such an awesome thing to say.
Like, I invented the rap. You see that? Do you think he walks out? Do we believe that?

Speaker 2 I'm fully giving him credit for it.

Speaker 1 I have to give him credit because that's something that even if he didn't, the fact that he had the wherewithal to say he invented the rap is genius in its own right.

Speaker 1 because how can you, like, it's not like the pizza or even the pizza or the hamburger, I'm sure

Speaker 1 you can contest it, but the wrap is just a shittier sandwich. It's not like you didn't do anything great.
It's more portable and it's like slightly healthier.

Speaker 2 It's not as healthy as people want you to believe it is.

Speaker 1 I eat wraps. I like wraps, but you can't tell me that a wrap is better than a sandwich with like good bread.
No, it never is.

Speaker 2 And there's like a brand new like wrap industrial complex where restaurants have seven or eight different kinds of wraps. Right.
And it's actually just as unhealthy as eating a sandwich at this point.

Speaker 1 Correct. But it's still just a wrap.
It feels like a drink. It's a little lighter.
Right.

Speaker 2 That's my diet, actually. My diet is

Speaker 2 I eat wraps for dinner.

Speaker 1 But it's a worse version of a sandwich.

Speaker 2 It is a worse version.

Speaker 1 It's like eating fro-yo. Like, I love frozen yogurt, but ice cream is still better.
Yeah. Like, it tastes better.
It's just better.

Speaker 2 You know what I invented? I invented dipping like chicken fingers into a mixture of barbecue and buffalo.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 that's funny because I invented buffercube. I invented something where at the end of the night I have my Listerine and Nyquil together.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's cool. What do you call it?

Speaker 1 Nyquarine. Yeah, Nyquarine, Nyquarine.
Yeah. So we're kind of the smartest people ever.
But back to Bobby Valentine.

Speaker 1 Do you think he goes up to people who are like just eating a wrap and he's like, you like that?

Speaker 1 You know who invented it? Sure.

Speaker 1 You're looking at him.

Speaker 2 It honestly sounds like something that a grandfather would make up as a lie to tell his grandkid, just like fucking fucking around with him one day.

Speaker 2 And the kid got so impressed that he's like, you know what, I'm going to ride this. I'm going to see how long I can ride this lie out.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a Larry David Kirby Enthusiasm episode. And he's like walking around looking for credit for it, and no one will give him credit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, who's going to, you can't prove that it's not true. Right, right.

Speaker 1 Hey, Hanky, how you doing?

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 2 I want to give you a hug. I think Jake, I think you guys should hug it out.

Speaker 1 You guys should hug it out. Bitch.
Yeah. I don't think there's any tension with us.
I'll give him a hug. You can come to i think it's him and the world

Speaker 1 oh you

Speaker 8 it's always me versus the world it's me versus big head and pft always yeah hey i have your side

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 jake as your side i do it so much worse you make it so much worse jake never alphas me because i don't think i could take i would i would lose it i'd have to i'd have to quit or fire him because he doesn't

Speaker 1 like i can't you can't handle it he's such a natural alpha yeah and it just everything he says is so patronizing but it's also very nice he's not trying to do this to hank In a way, Hank, if it makes you feel better, in a way, Jake alphed all of us when he did that.

Speaker 2 He didn't say I'm better than Hank. He said, I'm the best one in this office.
I'm the best one here.

Speaker 2 So, really, you're just unfairly taking the brunt of it because you happened to be standing next to him in the room after he beat you. But it really was directed towards everyone.

Speaker 2 Sure. Thank you for that, Hank.
Thanks.

Speaker 1 You're welcome. Thank you for.

Speaker 7 Well, to be fair, Hank was one or two people who threatened me losing that title.

Speaker 7 No one else is close.

Speaker 8 Right. Especially at UPFT.

Speaker 1 So you're really good.

Speaker 1 You're really good in this office.

Speaker 8 Once the tournament rolls around, I'll be the best in the office.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Okay.
This is actually the greatest play Barcelona app.

Speaker 8 Yeah. Go download it.
$2,000 jackpot. Whoa.
Thursday.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Bird MJ. Yeah, this is crazy.
MJ. Are you guys playing again Thursday?

Speaker 8 Next Thursday, a week from Thursday.

Speaker 1 You should just bump it up.

Speaker 1 People want it.

Speaker 2 We'll see. Oh, also, the dozen trivia tournament starts tomorrow.
Or tonight, Monday. It's going to go live at 7 p.m.
on YouTube. Jeff D.
Lowe did an awesome job prepping for all this. No spoilers.

Speaker 2 No spoilers whatsoever. Tonight is Team ZD against, who is it, Team? Uptown Balls.

Speaker 1 Uptown Balls.

Speaker 2 Two fan favorites.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right, let's get to our interview

Speaker 1 with Dan Heron. What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here, making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey.
How do you make an Irish entrance, you ask?

Speaker 1 It starts with a shot of proper number 12 Irish whiskey because real friends don't let friends irish exit a party without a story to tell original proper number 12 is rich in a smooth blend of golden grain and single malt aged four years in bourbon barrels mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger in the mood for something smooth but a little sweeter try proper irish apple a delicious blend of proper's award winning Irish whiskey with crisp, fresh notes of apple.

Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Okay, here he is. Our very good friend, Dan Heron.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our very, very, very good friend and recurring guest

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 pug owner still.

Speaker 1 It is Dan Heron. Dan, great to talk to you.
Sorry about last time. That was our fault our fault.

Speaker 1 But it's great to talk to you again. It's great to have you back on.

Speaker 6 It's great to to be on.

Speaker 6 I'm proud to be one of the oldest recurring guests on this podcast. And

Speaker 6 the last time we talked, yeah, it wasn't the best. I was out to dinner.

Speaker 6 You called. I didn't answer.
I called you back. And then, you know, I broke the news to you about the pug.
You kind of made me go there.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, I was sorry to hear that. It's all good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm very, very sorry to hear.

Speaker 2 We're a pro-Pug podcast across the board.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So we'll, yeah, I mean, that was, you know, we move on.

Speaker 1 But we wanted to have you on because we want to talk a little baseball, and we do love talking to you, and we thought you would be the perfect person to bring on. And so let's talk some baseball.

Speaker 1 I have a bunch of questions, but I wanted to start with something that's happening this year that feels like we are diminishing the allure of the no-hitter. What do we have? Five no-hitters so far?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we've had too many no-hitters.

Speaker 1 Too many no-hitters. So,

Speaker 1 as a former Major League Baseball pitcher, future Hall of Famer, what the hell is going on? Why are there so many no-hitters?

Speaker 6 We should get to the Future Hall of Famer part later in the podcast, but

Speaker 6 in regards to the no-hitters, I don't know.

Speaker 6 I, for one, never carried a no-hitter past, I believe, five and two-thirds. I think I had one one time, but

Speaker 6 I

Speaker 6 don't know, man. You know, defense has obviously got better with shifting.

Speaker 6 You know, there's more strikeouts, but the one the other day with Wade Miley, I think he got 15 ground balls, one flyball.

Speaker 6 So I think a testament to him being able to get ground balls and the defense being in the right spot. But as for why there's, I don't know why there's so many.

Speaker 6 It's kind of crazy because I thought this year

Speaker 6 with,

Speaker 6 I think pitch counts were going to be down, innings limits were going to be lower. So it's crazy to see so many already.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's really weird.

Speaker 2 I mean, we can get a rumor going. I like to think that they just added an extra stitch.

Speaker 2 Or if you just say they added an extra stitch to the baseball, you can be like, that's why spin rate's increasing.

Speaker 2 And when you were so you took a no-hitter into the you said the fifth inning or into the sixth inning, which is that's honestly more impressive in that era, in the pre-shift era, that you were able to get almost six runs with no hits.

Speaker 2 That's almost like a no-hitter right now, I would say.

Speaker 6 It's basically a no-hitter. It was basically a no-hitter.
And actually, I think it was a five-inning perfect game, which, you know, we had a seven-inning no-hitter

Speaker 6 by the D-Bex earlier in the year. And, you know, I basically had a five or six-inning perfect game, whatever it was.
So

Speaker 6 just, you know, added onto the list of my Hall of Fame credentials that went down in flames a year ago.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 It's Billy's fault.

Speaker 2 All you really need to worry about, though, is like if somebody Googles Dan Heron, no hitter, you just need like a YouTube result to pop up.

Speaker 2 So if somebody can upload the first like five, your perfect five-inning game to YouTube and just have it say like Dan Heron, no hitter, perfect game.

Speaker 2 I think that's almost as good as actually having a no-hitter.

Speaker 6 And then, after the fifth inning, it could just kind of cut to a game where like I got excited about a strikeout, and like you know, or it was a complete game where I hugged the catcher.

Speaker 6 Yeah, uh, well, if anyone could do that, it's it's the uh, it's your listeners, so yeah, we'll get that done.

Speaker 1 So, all right, so you never threw a no-hitter. Were you on a team that had a no-hitter or perfect game?

Speaker 6 Not a perfect game, but a lot of no-hitters. Um,

Speaker 6 one that one that I saw one was pretty cool.

Speaker 6 Edwin Jackson,

Speaker 6 I was with the D-Backs in, I don't know what year it was, 2010. And

Speaker 6 we had the bullpin up in the third inning because he had walked so many guys and he ended up throwing a no-hitter over 150 pitches.

Speaker 6 It was awesome. And then I also saw a no-hitter end with two outs in the ninth inning.
I think Kurt Schilling was pitching against us with the A's.

Speaker 6 Someone had a hit. two outs in the ninth inning.
That was pretty awesome, too.

Speaker 1 I remember that Edwin Jackson game, and I just googled it. It was 149 with eight walks.

Speaker 1 What I love Edwin Jackson because remember the time he got lost going to the training facility for the Cubs in spring training. That was like, okay, maybe the Edwin Jackson years are over here.

Speaker 1 What was the celebration after 149-pitch, eight-walk, no-hitter? Like, do you even celebrate, or are you like, good job, dude, but also you might want to work on your control?

Speaker 6 That's a go-and-no. And actually, that night was wild, too.
I remember we were in Tampa Bay, and I mean,

Speaker 6 we went out pretty crazy that night. I mean, I was only out for a little bit of it, though.

Speaker 6 But Edwin was a great guy.

Speaker 6 The funny thing about that one is AJ, it was AJ Hinch's first stint as manager. And

Speaker 6 we were giving him a hard time, to be honest with you. Like, we gave him a lot of shit, and he was uncomfortable being the manager.
I know that, and it sucked for him.

Speaker 6 And then he got put in this spot where

Speaker 6 Edwin had like 120 pitches after the seventh inning, and he was absolutely panicked in the dugout. Just didn't know what to do.
Was you supposed to let him go 150 pitches?

Speaker 6 And there was no way you were taking the ball from Edwin, though. He took it and got it done.
It was great.

Speaker 1 That is a hilarious spot to be in because anyone would, you know, be like, we can't have him pitch 150 pitches, but a new manager, you have to let that ride.

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 6 And that, you know, baseball has changed too in that regard i i highly doubt that they would allow anyone to throw that many pitches um nowadays so you got to get the no-hitters done before like 120.

Speaker 1 has anybody ever thrown a no-hitter and lost oh uh i want to say that's happened before that would be amazing i want to say oh yeah i think i actually think pedro might have done it right jake's got something

Speaker 7 on april 23rd 1964 ken johnson of the houston colt 45s became the first pitcher to throw a nine-inning no-hitter and lose.

Speaker 7 In fact, he is still the only individual to throw an official nine-inning no-hitter and lose. That article is as of

Speaker 7 May 13, 2020.

Speaker 6 Talk about like motherfucking your team after the game. Just like, seriously, guys,

Speaker 1 you're a no-hitter.

Speaker 6 I mean, we didn't win.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you don't even get to celebrate that, really.

Speaker 1 All right, so I'm looking up, too. Pedro, I think, with the Expos in 1995, pitched a perfect game for nine innings and lost it in the extra innings.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 6 That's crazy. What a baller.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, that's an insane.

Speaker 1 Insane, insane. So now, do you like, because no-hitters are becoming so

Speaker 1 happenstant, like they're so commonplace, do you think that the rules of not talking to a guy during a no-hitter still apply?

Speaker 1 Like, what would in when in Edwin Jackson's case, is everyone staying away from him when he's pitching a no-hitter or people fucking with him?

Speaker 1 Like, how does it, how, how does it actually work in the dugout? Because I know everyone thinks jinxes are real and we don't even tweet about it, but how does it actually work when you're in the game?

Speaker 6 I don't think it's a situation where Edwin and I are getting a Gatorade and I'm reminding him that he's got a no-hitter going into the ninth inning.

Speaker 6 I don't think that's happening. But

Speaker 6 yeah, I think some pitchers are, you know, a lot of pitchers are different. Just some want to be talked to.

Speaker 6 Some you don't talk to. Everybody's kind of different.
I think Edwin was more... He wanted everyone talking to him.
He was like top step on everything.

Speaker 2 At what point do those rules kick in, though? Like, at what point does it become something that you don't talk about? Is it like the sixth inning, the seventh inning?

Speaker 6 I think the turn is about the fifth inning.

Speaker 6 And once you get through the sixth, then you start thinking about it. It didn't happen too often for me, like I said, but I think once five complete, you kind of start thinking, and then six,

Speaker 6 it gets serious.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking about it right now. I don't think that I would be able to help myself in the dugout.
Like, I would be like, hey, Edwin, good job, dude. You got a no-hitter going.
I would be that guy.

Speaker 1 I don't, and maybe out my MLB career would be. Imagine if I was like a sick pitcher, but it got cut short just because I kept on jinxing and everyone's no hitter.

Speaker 2 You would just literally sit next to people and just tell them, like, hey, I'm not going to say it.

Speaker 1 But I'm not going to say it. Yeah.
But it would be a shame if you gave up a hit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is a story.

Speaker 6 To be honest, you sound like a terrible teammate.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a terrible teammate. But also kind of funny, right? Like, that would be kind of funny.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it's funny until you, you, like, everybody is losing their no-hitters and wants to kill you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then it wouldn't be funny. It's hilarious.

Speaker 6 It's hilarious until then. He loses a no-hitter, then he loses the shutout, loses the game, and he wants to punch you.

Speaker 2 In your heart of hearts, as a pitcher, if you had somebody on your team that was absolutely lights out, maybe like working on their second no-hitter of the season, or something like a pitcher who is just like, you know, they're putting up all sorts of crazy stats and they're throwing a no-hitter on top of all of it.

Speaker 2 Are you in the back of your head, like, come on, man, you're kind of showing me up? Like, enough with the no-hitters.

Speaker 6 Especially when a pitcher, I would just say myself, I'm I'm not going to say generally, when I was struggling as a pitcher and I would watch my fellow pitcher on my own team like dominate start after start and I go out and get my ass handed to me every five days.

Speaker 6 After like two weeks, it gets really old to watch them. I mean, I don't want us to lose, but

Speaker 6 it's hard giving up like six runs in three innings, and the guy comes out the next day and shoves, and then it happens again five days later, and five days later.

Speaker 6 At some point, you're like, it's okay to give up a few runs,

Speaker 6 and like,

Speaker 6 I will, I'll feel a little better about myself, you know?

Speaker 1 I think that actually,

Speaker 1 yeah, I mean, it would definitely suck to watch everyone else be awesome, and you just struggle constantly.

Speaker 1 I actually think you saw that a little bit with Corey Kluber with the Yankees.

Speaker 1 I think it was his, he had a tough April, and then he finally had one game where he went like eight innings and pitched really well.

Speaker 1 And you could see on his face, he was like, thank fucking God, I don't have to deal with like the awkwardness of being the guy who's not getting it done on the staff.

Speaker 6 I was a good, toward the end of my career, I was a champ of dealing with the awkwardness of being the shittiest pitcher on the staff for portions of the year. I could think of,

Speaker 6 I think of my time in D.C. when I would have so many bad games in a row, and I would just hide in the hyperbaric chamber

Speaker 6 but not turn it on just because I wanted to sleep.

Speaker 1 That comes to mind. I can tell, too, there's certain times, like, you're not as active on Twitter as you were maybe a year or two ago, but I can tell

Speaker 1 when

Speaker 1 triggers happen from your playing days.

Speaker 1 It was a month ago, I was tweeting about the wind at Wrigley, and I think you liked every single one of the tweets, being like, yes,

Speaker 1 people need to talk about the wind more, because when the wind's blowing out, it shouldn't be counted.

Speaker 6 Oh, God, yeah. I mean, how I would

Speaker 6 I'd be checking the wind forecast. Like, we'd be on the road in St.
Louis, and I'd be pitching like eight days later, trying to figure out which way the wind would be blowing in two weeks in Wrigley.

Speaker 6 Get to the field, look at the flags. I mean,

Speaker 6 I would already know it was going to be a rough one.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But what about from a hitting perspective? Like, as a pitcher, you get to hit in the National League.

Speaker 1 Would you ever hit a home run?

Speaker 6 I hit two home runs.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 That must have been the most satisfying feeling of all time.

Speaker 6 It felt really good.

Speaker 6 I took Bronson-Arroyo deep in Cincinnati, and I got

Speaker 6 Chris Carpenter in St. Louis.

Speaker 1 That's, I mean, the,

Speaker 1 I actually wanted to bring it up. The Shohei Otani, like, what he's doing.

Speaker 1 Is it as crazy to someone who played the game as it is to casual fans to watch the guy go up, pitch like 100 miles an hour, and then hit the ball like 500 feet?

Speaker 1 Is it insane to your brain, like, how is he able to do both things so well?

Speaker 6 It is crazy. It's really crazy until you look at how I hit in 2010 and realize that I was basically Shohei Otani in 2010.

Speaker 1 That's why I wanted to know about your home runs because

Speaker 2 that's the buzz right now, Shohei Otani. And so I feel like if we get talk about your half-game perfect game and like footage of you just walloping dingers out there, I feel like

Speaker 2 we can resurrect the Hall of Fame nomination.

Speaker 6 I always let the D-Bax pitchers know in spring training that I'm the last pitcher in the history of baseball to have four hits in a game.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. So,

Speaker 6 yeah,

Speaker 6 part of me is rooting for that the DH, the universal DH, so I could, I could, uh,

Speaker 6 you know, have that for the rest of my life. But, um,

Speaker 6 but yeah, I mean, 2010, I was absolutely locked in, but people, people forget it, you know, they forget fast.

Speaker 1 Uh, Dan Heron in 2010 batted 364. Holy shit, 364, a home run, seven RBIs.

Speaker 1 You were Shohei Otani without the power.

Speaker 6 If you extrapolate my numbers, if I would play every day like Otani, I would be better probably thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 The only thing that he can do that I couldn't do is run. And I just, and I, I, I couldn't run that well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would have had, if you had played every day, you would have had 70 RBIs that season. Um, yeah.
Fuck. That's all right.
Okay, put it on the list. That's a great one.
It is.

Speaker 1 That's another great one. Speaking of the Angels, I also wanted to bring up Mike Trout.
I think it's so funny, not funny, but weird that Mike Trout might go down as like maybe outside of Barry Bonds,

Speaker 1 the greatest baseball player of all time.

Speaker 1 It's crazy to say. Obviously, he's still got to play for a bunch more years, but and

Speaker 1 like no one appreciates him how he should be appreciated.

Speaker 6 Like this year, I was looking at it, and he's batting 388 right now, and it feels like no one's really even even talking about the fact that mike trout is just doing this again he must be slight uh two weeks ago he's hitting like 430 so he must have it's hard when you go two for five and your average goes down that's that's rough but yeah he's the he is the greatest player i've ever seen um i was kind of arguing with my dad i was telling him he might be the the best hitter in the history of baseball and he he didn't agree with me but who did he say

Speaker 6 Well, he's old, so he grew up in New York. So, you know,

Speaker 6 he is a Mickey Manle guy, and, you know, Roger Maris has the home run record guy. And so that's who he is.

Speaker 1 But it is, like, if you actually look at it, and I know this is probably a hot take to say, because saying, like, someone's the best ever, it's always hard to prove that, especially in a sport like baseball.

Speaker 1 But he's, how old is Mike Trout?

Speaker 2 Mike Trout is.

Speaker 6 He's got to be about 30.

Speaker 2 He's 29. He's 29.

Speaker 1 So he's about to be 30 this summer. So let's just say he plays eight more years.
I mean, he already has 310 home runs. Like, he'll end up with, I don't know, close to 600.

Speaker 1 His career average is over 300. Like, he does it all.
It's just crazy. It feels like he's getting better.
So I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's just a weird thing to have someone be that good and could go down as, let's even just say, top 10 all-time player, and it doesn't feel like he gets...

Speaker 6 maybe it's do you think it's just that he hasn't had the October moment like he hasn't had the deep run in October the October moment I think it's where he plays he probably if he played for the Dodgers he'd get he'd get more love but yeah I mean you don't you know today was

Speaker 6 Dodgers Angels like it wasn't the Sunday night baseball game you know like no people don't get a chance to see him and yes he's the he is the greatest of at least our our era

Speaker 2 what is it about the angels that just

Speaker 2 it just kind of makes I don't know when I see the angels just their their team colors their logo They just seem like a boring franchise But they are like a they play in a massive market

Speaker 6 Yeah, they're one of uh one of two uh teams in major league baseball that when they play on the road they don't have what city or state they're from on their jersey and who is the other one

Speaker 6 It might have changed by now.

Speaker 2 The Blue Jays.

Speaker 6 Oh, well, yeah, that's kind of, yeah.

Speaker 1 Is it true? Is it guess?

Speaker 1 Well, they might have Toronto, so it might be the same.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who's the other one?

Speaker 6 Tampa.

Speaker 2 Tampa. Oh, I forgot they had a team.

Speaker 1 Shit. The Devil Rays.
Devil Rays.

Speaker 1 Hard team. Damn.

Speaker 1 That's the Rays. That would be great if Mike Trout got traded to the Rays, and everyone's like, he's on the East Coast now.
And it just was the same.

Speaker 1 It's actually funny you bring that up because those are kind of similar franchises. The Rays have been more successful recently, but even the Rays have have been to the World Series last year.

Speaker 1 They were in the World Series, you know, like a decade ago. They've been pretty damn good and like young, fun players.
And still people are like, oh, yeah, the Rays. I forgot about them.

Speaker 6 They've been good for so long now, and they don't spend any money that it's become annoying, I think, to everybody.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 6 It used to be like a cool story, and now it's like, Jesus, not again.

Speaker 9 Yeah. Paul's here.
Kids are back in school. Vacations are over.
And Cozy season is officially on. You know what that means? Bombus season is on.

Speaker 9 Bombus makes the most comfortable socks ever, and they even make slippers, tees, underwear, all crafted from premium materials. Perfect for this time of year and cozying up for football watching.

Speaker 9 Their slippers are also Sherpa lined, which feels like you're walking on the clouds. Bombus really has it all.

Speaker 9 And if you head over to bombus.com/slash audio, you can use the code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's bombbas.com/slash audio.

Speaker 1 Code audio at checkout.

Speaker 2 I was having a debate with my buddy last week. Maybe you can help me out.
Give me some insight from the mind of a pitcher.

Speaker 1 If you were to power rank

Speaker 2 being nasty, being dirty, and being filthy, which one comes first?

Speaker 6 Filthy would be first.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 6 Nasty is second, and dirty is third.

Speaker 1 Can you give us a perfect example of like each of those three?

Speaker 6 Of being

Speaker 6 who's nasty and who's dirty?

Speaker 1 Yeah, who's dirty, who's filthy, who's nasty.

Speaker 6 Jesus,

Speaker 1 I should have prepped you for this. Um,

Speaker 6 yeah, you should, I asked you for the questions beforehand. You'd never send them to me.

Speaker 1 I sent you, no, I said, I said Trout being insane, your pug dying, Lakers sucking.

Speaker 6 And I told you, I didn't watch, I don't watch the Lakers anymore.

Speaker 1 And we,

Speaker 6 we didn't even talk about how tragic a death my pug had either.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right, let's do it. You want to talk about it?

Speaker 6 Let's shift, let's shift gears. Yeah, this will turn into a therapy session.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 6 so we went out we went out to dinner and

Speaker 6 we rarely leave our dogs outside rare very rarely and we're it's all gated and everything wait wait wait came home and

Speaker 2 what's it first came what's your dog's name what was your dog's name uh

Speaker 6 bernie bernie okay all right so bernie was bernie was old he's 15 and he had a lot of stomach problems he had so many like

Speaker 6 so many near-death experiences like i was i mean he one time he fell down the stairs. He

Speaker 6 fell down, was on his side, was like running in place. He emptied his bladder, started pooping.

Speaker 6 I was just telling him to go toward the light, and he ended up bouncing back and was totally fine like 20 minutes later.

Speaker 1 I love dogs like that. I love dogs like that.

Speaker 6 He is so tough. He had tumors all over the place, but he was 15.

Speaker 6 We missed Bernie because he was tough, but he wasn't tough enough to get away, I think, from the coyotes that got on his his back so no

Speaker 6 we and

Speaker 6 and my wife doesn't even know because I just told her that he he had just he had just passed in the backyard but I had wrapped him up in a like a big blanket before she saw and it wasn't pretty man

Speaker 1 wait no how you share you know what though it's good that you're sharing this grief with us because now we have to shoulder this burden yeah do you live close to michael rapport by any chance

Speaker 6 yeah and this is a psa for for locking your dogs up too i mean now i mean we're even more we have the one pug left and we've very i mean obviously we have to leave him outside sometimes just to go to the bathroom and stuff but like we're more conscious about not leaving him out for too long or at certain times of night um so

Speaker 6 it sucked man

Speaker 1 15 is a long life for a dog yeah but then to go out like that i know i know i'm trying to do but you're doing positive

Speaker 2 in a way it's kind of like circle of life type stuff what was the other pug doing at the did the other pug was it traumatized?

Speaker 6 That's what we don't know. The other pug was fine.
So because there's a certain way that kind of coyotes you know that they attacked according to the the vet.

Speaker 6 And so the way that he that I found him, I knew that i it had been that way. But the other pug was okay, but um I don't know what had happened to him.
Maybe we spooked him.

Speaker 6 We w'cause it it looked like it happened pretty recently when we got home.

Speaker 2 I I don't wanna imply that your other dog had anything to do with it, but um is there a chance that this was was just pug-on-pug violence?

Speaker 6 I doubt that.

Speaker 6 They often got into little fights and tips, but never to that extreme. But

Speaker 6 it was,

Speaker 6 and if they were to fight, my old 15-year-old pug would dominate it, absolutely dominate it. So there's no way.

Speaker 1 So the Lakers suck, though.

Speaker 6 Yeah, easy transition.

Speaker 1 Lakers suck.

Speaker 6 But we're in the play-in game, though, so that's good.

Speaker 1 I mean, you're probably the biggest Laker fan I know.

Speaker 1 You watch every game.

Speaker 1 He's Laker Dan.

Speaker 1 You pretty much are Laker Dan.

Speaker 1 Do you feel like last year's championship was a little cheapened by the bubble?

Speaker 6 No, not necessarily. I think maybe

Speaker 6 this year may be cheapened because a longer season, L.A.,

Speaker 6 we haven't been able to have fans in the stands really.

Speaker 6 And even now, I was looking into going to a game with my kid, to a Laker game, but you can get in, but you're not allowed to eat or drink inside the stadium. So that's like 95% of the fun for my son.

Speaker 6 Yeah. And also a good portion of fun for me

Speaker 6 when I get to the stadium. So

Speaker 6 I'm going to blame it on that. But no, I mean, last year was it was good.
I don't know. Basketball just hasn't been the same.
for me just without the fans at least in LA.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you're a good spin zone, pre-spin zone.

Speaker 2 You would probably agree, though, that like anything less than a championship is a disappointment of a season this year, right?

Speaker 6 Yeah, but LeBron, I'm sure

Speaker 6 we won't win a championship, and you know, it'll just be the injuries, and

Speaker 1 he's never going to be back to 100%.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he actually have you ever sprained your ankle? No, but you, Dan, you had an injury that was never, you were never back to 100%.

Speaker 1 Do you think LeBron's kind of like he's kind of playing this up a little bit? He's sprained his ankle, and then he's saying he's never going to be 100%.

Speaker 1 You hurt your back.

Speaker 6 No, and that happened. LeBron, LeBron, LeBron making excuses? No, chance.
Come on.

Speaker 6 That's not him.

Speaker 1 But this happened to you. Sprained ankle.

Speaker 2 Sprained ankle is very serious.

Speaker 1 It's like that in turf.

Speaker 6 And speaking of my injuries,

Speaker 6 the biggest accomplishment of quarantine was I finally got my hip replaced.

Speaker 1 You did?

Speaker 6 I had a full hip replacement. Yeah, I did.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 I remember when we were talking last and you were like, yeah, I keep getting it scheduled and then I just don't show up because I hate the doctor.

Speaker 6 Very similar to the dentist for me, where I put it off for years and years and years, and then it comes back and

Speaker 6 it's gone too far.

Speaker 2 Now, I've heard with hip replacements now you can just straight up walk out of the hospital the same day. Is that what you did?

Speaker 6 I did walk out of the hospital, but then I was barfing all night. I don't do good with the anesthesia, so

Speaker 6 that part sucked.

Speaker 4 Did you go to the dentist?

Speaker 6 Dude, you're not going to believe this. I was at the dentist a couple days ago to get a teeth cleaning.
So I had surgery. I don't remember when the last time I was on.

Speaker 6 I had surgery because I had let my gums get out of control where they had had to do a gum graft unfortunately i'm going to need the gum gum graft on the other side and then i have uh

Speaker 6 a couple root canals that i i need but they said i could wait a little bit so i'm going to go ahead and wait a few years on those and then

Speaker 1 we'll see about the gum graph once i start

Speaker 6 how i'm interested to see how much how much gums i could possibly lose on my upper left side like it's gonna i'll be literally be able to see into my like nasal cavity see how high they can go

Speaker 6 that's wait the root canal thing is not real they do not tell you you don't have to get it i've had it it sucks but they tell you right away they're like yeah you got to get a root canal dude no because they say does it hurt you and they're shocked and they're like no it doesn't hurt me i i the like it's gotta hurt when you get hot or cold on your teeth no i'm good they're like all right well i mean you could wait you know for a little bit and i said okay yeah let's just you know we got the x-rays we did the cleaning we're good so you just don't have nerves in your jaw you just don't feel pain in your teeth some people are built different yeah i guess so i like that you've got to clean too you're basically like driving it's like getting a car that's totally broken down the engine is missing but you got a car wash yeah i'm still my teeth have never looked better they look great where do they where do they take your gum from and put it i don't understand how a gum graft would use do you have like heavy gums on one side and light gums on the other no no no no so they take gums from the roof of your mouth and they slice them off and then they attach the gums to where you're missing gums on your on the side so i got i got put to sleep for that too whereas like my my 17 year old uh niece did the did a gum graph she had an issue and did one and she did it just while awake and was totally fine where i had to have an i had to pay out of pocket for an anesthesiologist to come in and put me to sleep for for that yeah i'd say that's that's probably worth it but i didn't know that your gum was on the roof of your mouth.

Speaker 2 I just always thought that was roofing.

Speaker 6 Yeah, you have gums on the roof of your mouth that they take, they slice it, and they take it, and then they attach it, they stitch it onto the side of your teeth, like where your gums have receded.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 You're doing a great job convincing me to never dip again right now.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 6 Or never go to the dentist again. I mean, if you don't go to the dentist, there's nothing that.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 that's true. That is, I mean, I think that's pretty much.

Speaker 6 Like, do you want to go to the dentist twice a year

Speaker 6 and just be nervous? Or do you want to go once every 10 years and just get knocked?

Speaker 6 Just have anesthesia all day and get everything taken care of just like a coma for a day and then you're knocked out. You're fine.

Speaker 2 It's way more efficient that way. I like it.

Speaker 1 This is why men all have die like 10 years earlier than women because of what you just described. Because I've done the same thing.
I once went and had a, I stopped them.

Speaker 1 They were doing cavity filling and I did two on one side and I stopped halfway through and I was like, oh, I got to run. I got a meeting I forgot about.

Speaker 1 And then I just didn't get the other two filled and it became root canals. So I'm in the same boat as you.
It sucks.

Speaker 2 Oh, I skipped all my follow-ups for the kidney stones. Yeah.
I don't know what's going to happen with my body, but I'm just assuming that it's going to work its way out somehow.

Speaker 1 The best is when I hurt my back.

Speaker 6 If you don't go to the doctors, you'll never know, and you're good.

Speaker 1 You're fine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When I last hurt my back, I went to physical therapy for like four times. And then they were like, all right, so we'll see you next week.
And I was like,

Speaker 1 I think I know all the exercise.

Speaker 2 Honestly, taking care of your body is a big waste of time, unless you're a professional athlete.

Speaker 6 Or unless you have kids, like you know, you got a little kid now. Maybe it's nice to get that hour break and go to physical therapy.
Just tell your wife it's really important.

Speaker 6 You got it, you know, true.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 2 Is your wife going to be upset when she finds out about how the pug died?

Speaker 1 Well, no one tell her. Everyone, just chill about it.
Be chill about it.

Speaker 2 So, like, we're just asking everybody to not mention it to your wife. Is that the strategy here? Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
That is the strategy. Everyone, just be sad about Bernie, but don't say why.
He's 15. He was 15.

Speaker 1 We don't know. Inconclusive, right? Inconclusive.

Speaker 2 It's like Prince Philip dying.

Speaker 1 R.I.P. Yeah, 99.

Speaker 1 We think it was old age. We don't know.
Maybe a coyote got into the fucking Buckingham Palace.

Speaker 6 Yeah, you never know.

Speaker 6 I know that

Speaker 6 did you ever get a response in your DMs to the Queen or to Melinda Gates?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 I have not, but I'm still holding out hope for the Queen. That's really my A1 target.
I've moved on from Miley Cyrus.

Speaker 1 I realize that, you know, like, looks aren't all that important to me.

Speaker 2 I'm more about power.

Speaker 1 I just want to...

Speaker 6 Well, what about Melinda Gates? No?

Speaker 2 She's pretty powerful. The Epstein connections there make me a little trepidatious.
I'm in wait and see mode on that.

Speaker 2 Although she is going to have the most fun summer of all time, like her and her friends renting an island for like three months at a time. That is a trip I would like to be invited on.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 6 You never know.

Speaker 2 All right, Dan, I have one last question.

Speaker 1 I totally forgot to send you this as well, but I think you're friends with Jared Weaver, right? Yes. Did you see him?

Speaker 1 He was talking, I think, yesterday or the day before, and I follow him, and I think he has good insight to the game. But he was saying,

Speaker 1 essentially,

Speaker 1 here, I'll read his tweet. He said, guys and girls, I'm all for celebrating and having fun on the field, but showing someone up is a different category.

Speaker 1 People that have never played don't deserve to chime in. What's the difference between showing someone up and having fun?

Speaker 6 Well, first of all, you're not allowed to chime in.

Speaker 1 Fuck. You're right.
Shit.

Speaker 6 Yeah. So we but for me, since I have played before, I will say

Speaker 6 I do think the celebrations have gone too far. And it's something I

Speaker 6 want to talk about on Twitter, but I don't really tweet anymore.

Speaker 6 It's just too much. Like the Tachi stuff, like he's amazing.
He's great. And, you know, I like to let the kids play type stuff.
But,

Speaker 6 you know, it's also, I'm going to be in the minority in this and say like, you know, seeing like my kids' baseball teams and stuff and, you know, how some of the kids act after they hit home runs, I don't like it.

Speaker 6 And they're watching, you know, they're watching their idols, like, like I said, do it.

Speaker 6 And I think, too, Weaver comes from a place where, you know, we both played with Trout and we kind of see how he handles his business. And that's kind of what we like to see.

Speaker 6 But, you know, the game has obviously changed. And there's parts of it I like and parts of it I don't.
And that I think it's gone a little far. Um,

Speaker 6 it is, there is a point where you have to kind of be respectful.

Speaker 6 I thought, you know, back in the day, where you know, I think that also didn't fans like when like someone pimped a homer and then you hit him in the back, and then that like

Speaker 6 I feel like that's kind of gotten lost now, you know, because oh, it's okay to throw your bat and to you know, act like a clown when you're running around the bases.

Speaker 1 I actually become normalized, yeah, I actually agree with you. I think the pen, like like many things, the pendulum just swings so far in one direction, and we don't find that perfect middle ground.

Speaker 1 Where I, to me, it's more about, and I'm sorry that I'm chiming in, I shouldn't chime in, but if I were to chime in, what I would say is it's more about the, um, it has to match the moment.

Speaker 1 Like, everyone remembers

Speaker 1 Batista's, you know, bat flip or bat throw. That was in the playoffs.
Like, that was an enormous moment.

Speaker 1 If you're playing in the middle of, like, May or April and you're throwing bats like you're in Game Seven of the World Series, what does Game Seven of the World Series look like?

Speaker 1 So I think it's less about like I'm cool with bat flips. I think it's all great.
It's fun.

Speaker 1 Players showing their personality is great for the game, but it's more about like it has to match the moment and it has to be like ramp it up so that when we get to October, we see some shit that we don't see and we see the emotion that we don't see in April.

Speaker 1 Right now it feels like we see October energy in April.

Speaker 2 So, when it was the Nats and the Astros in the World Series, and Bregman took his bat to first base, and then Soto hit his and took his.

Speaker 2 That's awesome. That's the right time to see that.

Speaker 1 I also like, Dan, I like,

Speaker 6 but like a day game in Cincinnati in April, and yeah,

Speaker 6 it seems like game seven of the World Series, it's a little much.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I also like that you're kind of the next generation of the old baseball curmudgeon.

Speaker 2 We need somebody coming up like that because I haven't heard anybody kind of like stand on that table and say that it needs to be dialed back a little bit. It's good.

Speaker 1 You're actually smart to not table that.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 6 if you start bashing people on Twitter about bat flips and stuff, like you get demolished by people on Twitter. Oh, you know, this is what led the kids play all that stuff.

Speaker 6 Like you can't even say anything anymore. But,

Speaker 6 you know,

Speaker 6 I'm better off just keeping my mouth shut on Twitter anyway.

Speaker 1 I kind of, you know what?

Speaker 1 You know what we're going to do? I think we should, this is, we're, we're getting a list of things that Billy football has to do when he comes back from his internship to full-time job.

Speaker 1 I think we should make him be the backflip police and just be the guy on Twitter who's like, this is too far. And just let everyone focus their energy on him.
And then we can just maybe normalize it.

Speaker 2 I'll suggest a punishment

Speaker 1 for how bad the backflips are. Every time.
He's just like, this is not cost.

Speaker 6 I was pitching for the Marlins in 2015, and I remember I was thrown against the Cubs, and

Speaker 6 Junior Lake, I don't know if you remember.

Speaker 1 Yes, I know Junior Lake.

Speaker 6 He hit a bomb off me, and he absolutely pimped it. And

Speaker 6 I literally wanted to kill him.

Speaker 1 I wanted him to die.

Speaker 6 And I don't know what I ended up doing. I ended up throwing at like Starlin Castro or something else.
Something else would happen.

Speaker 6 But like.

Speaker 6 I do miss that about baseball. Like, I mean, I never, you know, you kind of can police it yourself, but

Speaker 6 I understand that I'm in the minority in this, and that's just the way it is, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Junior Lake was the guy before the guys, where it was like before the Cubs' rebuild was finished. We're like, ooh, is Junior Lake one of these guys? He was not.

Speaker 1 So I would understand your frustration.

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wait, Den, I'm pulling up your video right now of your home run

Speaker 2 because I want to see how you react.

Speaker 1 It's off Carpenter. Okay.

Speaker 2 He's winding up. Here comes the pitch.
You hit it. You got good hustle out of the box,

Speaker 2 but you did take your time. You were milking it a little bit around the bases, you slowed up when you got to second base.
You kind of realized what had just happened, and you wanted.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, it took you 20 seconds to get from second to third base in this trot.

Speaker 6 In my defense, I was a rookie in St. Louis, and Chris Carpenter was on that team.
And, you know, maybe he didn't treat me that great in 2003 when I was a rookie. So

Speaker 6 I, yeah, yeah, you know, maybe I took my time.

Speaker 1 That's fair.

Speaker 6 My hip was probably killing killing me. And so, you know, it looks like I'm trotting, but.

Speaker 1 Sprint. You're sprinting.
You're going as fast as you can. That's a full sprint.

Speaker 6 That's actually a full sprinter on the base, yeah.

Speaker 2 A tactical sprint. I did have one last thing I want to ask you about.

Speaker 1 So, Albert Pujols. You already said that.
What?

Speaker 6 You already said you had one last thing.

Speaker 1 No, I think that was Big Cat. And I still have one last thing.

Speaker 4 This is how it works.

Speaker 2 Big Cat will say he has the last thing, and then I've got a last thing, and that'll remind Big Cat of his other last thing.

Speaker 6 I've got Mother's Day with my mother and my wife and my mother-in-law. Go ahead.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 Is there a way is there a nice way to tell a player that they need to retire? Like, what the angels end up doing with poo-holes.

Speaker 2 Like, so do you have one side of the fence with people being like, he deserved better than that? And then the other side's like, well, he kind of stinks this year. And what were they supposed to do?

Speaker 1 But how do you solve that? That's a very easy answer.

Speaker 6 And it happened to me.

Speaker 6 It happened to me once in my career. You just put him on the DL.
That's all you do. Or the IL, whatever.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 You throw him on there.

Speaker 6 You know, you got foot soreness and IL, and then transfer them to the 60-day, and you kind of forget about them, and then, you know, maybe bring him back in September, something like that.

Speaker 6 That's respect right there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is respect. You should have done that.
Yeah. And when you're that age, you can just find something that you can say hurts.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Dan, thank you. I always, we always love having you on.
I know that you always are hard on yourself,

Speaker 1 but I'm telling you, like, the AWLs love when you come on. They always ask for you.

Speaker 6 I appreciate it. It's hard.

Speaker 6 Seeing the list of guys you have on, it's Mark Wahlberg, it's the guy from the office, and then it's Dan Heron.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 6 it's tough.

Speaker 1 No. But

Speaker 6 I am proud to be one of the first ever guests on the podcast.

Speaker 1 That's a fact. I am proud of that.
And if everyone wants to just throw Dan a nice tweet being like, hey,

Speaker 1 it's awesome having you on. Just, you know, I throw 88.
He's on Twitter. So just be like, pump him up.
Let's gas him up.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'd appreciate that.

Speaker 1 All right, Dan.

Speaker 6 I got to get back to tweeting, too. I'll start tweeting a little more.

Speaker 1 All right, there you go. There's the deal.
So everyone gassed him up and he'll tweet a little more. All right, Dan, thank you so much.
We'll talk soon, man.

Speaker 6 All right, fellas.

Speaker 1 All right. See you later, man.

Speaker 10 Man, I'll tell you what. When you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts.

Speaker 10 That's where Snickers comes in, man. That thing is packed.
Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk chocolate. It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 10 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this: Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 10 Snickers satisfies, man. That's a winning play.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's finish up with some two segments. And we'll send everyone on their way.
The first up is Embrace Debate. What is the exact Embrace Debate?

Speaker 2 Embrace Debate. Was DK Metcalf's last place finish at the World Track and Field Qualifiers? Was it the most impressive last place finish of any race ever run?

Speaker 1 Did he officially finish last?

Speaker 2 He finished last. Well, they're saying he finished ninth, big cat.
And if you ask me how many people competed in the sprint, there were nine. So no one's saying.
Got it.

Speaker 2 We're not talking about DK finishing last. We're saying that he finished ninth.

Speaker 1 First in our hearts, last in the race.

Speaker 2 Dead last in the race. Now,

Speaker 2 I will be the bigger man in the situation and say that it was an extremely impressive last place finish. He ran it in 10.37, 10.37, which is fucking fast as shit.

Speaker 1 It was crazy.

Speaker 1 I watched it, which credit to DK, because if you're a track and field person and you're like, this guy just disrespected our sport or anything like that, I didn't see any of that, but I'm just saying, if there's anyone out there.

Speaker 2 I saw there were a lot of people saying he's going to get straight up embarrassed.

Speaker 2 Okay, because there's an element of track and field, which is they know how fast they are, and they're like, this guy has no business. Yeah, there's a different level of speed.

Speaker 2 He's going to get run off the track and he's going to get introduced real quick to the next level of speed. And it turns out he actually competed.

Speaker 1 Right. It's kind of like the Canelo and Jake Paul thing we were talking about.
There's a different level of athlete.

Speaker 1 DK is that level of athlete. He's not like all the way that level of athlete when it comes to pure speed.

Speaker 1 But credit to him because I watched.

Speaker 1 I tuned in. Like, that's track and field.
No one talks about track and field except for the Olympics. And they talk about it for one week every four years.

Speaker 2 They should do things like this more often.

Speaker 2 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 2 It's essentially pros versus Joes, but the Joes are also pros in other sports.

Speaker 1 It was cool to see. I really enjoyed watching it.
Just like by

Speaker 1 like, it wasn't like some incredible experience, but what I'm saying is it was cool seeing DK Metcalf, a guy I know from watching on Sundays, competing against guys like that and putting it all into perspective.

Speaker 1 DK Metcalf was impressive, and then at the same time, he got embarrassed. He finished last place.

Speaker 1 It's weird because he was way better than I thought he would be, but he also was not even close to as fast as the fastest guys.

Speaker 2 Right. Yeah, it was the most.
That's what we're saying. It was like the most impressive possible last-place finish.
I texted him before the race.

Speaker 2 I said, hope you burn everyone in the 100 meters and qualify for the Olympics. Good luck.
Let me know if you need any tips. And he said, I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 And if you ever want to release the real footage of what happened, me and you, let me know. So he's claiming that there was like some doctor

Speaker 2 footage. I might be down.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. We should actually be nicer to Hank because he does.
Hank contains he's got a lot on his computer that could absolutely just display.

Speaker 1 Remember that time when I had to have you when I made us like a tape of myself naked after the

Speaker 4 George Brett?

Speaker 1 I still have it. Yeah, that was bad.
We put up a GoPro and I just got naked and cleaned the chili out of my ass. Fully naked.
No shirt on.

Speaker 2 NFT Big Cat's cheese.

Speaker 1 You know what? If I can get the money for it, I wouldn't be totally opposed.

Speaker 1 That's you on the OnlyFans.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 One time, Bubba, I asked him to edit a video of me getting out of the bathtub. I was taking a bubble bath and reading Mike Greenberg's book for his birthday.

Speaker 2 I sent him a thought that I had shot it carefully. He's like, no, your balls were just hanging out everywhere.

Speaker 7 He was like, yeah, there was nothing. I was like, no, I blurred out your dick.

Speaker 1 Sorry, dick. But anyway, DK Metcalf, like, he was, yeah, he was impressive, but also got embarrassed.

Speaker 1 It also puts into perspective how incredible Usain Bolt is because the argument is DK Metcalf is so much bigger than these these guys and DK Metcalf is heavier than Usain Bolt, but Usain Bolt was 6'5 ⁇ , 210.

Speaker 1 He's the fastest man ever.

Speaker 2 I was really impressed actually with DK's first 20 meters. Yeah.
He was almost tied for first place after 20 meters. Yes.
But then you get to a point where you can't maintain that same acceleration.

Speaker 2 They look like

Speaker 2 at a much faster rate than everybody, because everyone slows down over the course of 100 meters.

Speaker 4 It was cool.

Speaker 2 He finished in last place again. It was cool.

Speaker 1 In a race. Good job.
All right. Our uh segment to finish up the show uh dogecoin update elon musk went on snl apparently he tanked i didn't watch i saw like some of the clips

Speaker 2 no nobody in their right mind should watch snl with any expectation ever but this is also this is kind of the dk metcalf in track and field like i feel like people were like why is elon musk on uh snl well because all everyone's gonna watch or at least talk about it it would have been sick if he had been like if he had done the chris farley character and been like i live in a tesla down by the river yeah that would be funny damn uh yeah Dogecoin the Tesla truck looks sick except you can break it with like a little pebble but did you see it like there was live footage of it rolling around New York no the space truck no I didn't see it it looks badass he uh yeah I guess he bombed so badly that Doge went down but then it I'm not fucking selling no because it's Doge and it's going to take a lot more than

Speaker 2 a mere 40% blip for me to get out of this because like I'm my goal is just to stick around until July if people like when when people ask

Speaker 1 what's the deal with Doge, it's pretty much, one, the memes, and two, it's similar to Bitcoin.

Speaker 1 And, like, I would say 90% of Bitcoin's value is just a bunch of people online trying to prove a bunch of older people online that they are wrong and everything they know about, like, finance is wrong.

Speaker 1 Well, there's that's really it. It's like the told you so factor.

Speaker 2 There's that, and it's also if you can convince as many people as possible that Bitcoin is legit and just get to get people to talk about it, the thing that you have invested in the technology behind Bitcoin actually, like the value goes way up if you just get more people to talk about it.

Speaker 2 Like with Doge, it's like that, but since it's based on like a joke meme, it's that like publicity is 10 times more important than any real value.

Speaker 2 As far as I can tell, the best thing that can happen to Doge is just a famous person says the word Doge on a massive platform. Correct.
The bigger the platform,

Speaker 2 if they say Doge, if they hold up a picture of a Shiba Inu, that's why I have

Speaker 1 a video right here. I saw one today.
Did you? Yep.

Speaker 2 Did you pet it?

Speaker 1 No, it was watching

Speaker 1 me. I should have taken a picture, though.

Speaker 1 But it felt good. It felt good seeing one today.

Speaker 2 If you come up to me with a Shiba Inu, I have to tip your dog. I have to pay your dog to the table.

Speaker 1 Wait, what are you tip in it? No, no. Oh.

Speaker 2 Tip, as in.

Speaker 1 Got it.

Speaker 2 Like, yeah, just a tip.

Speaker 1 Are you guys Twitter tipping?

Speaker 2 No. I'm not.
No.

Speaker 2 Is it on your.

Speaker 1 Do you have the options? I'll open mine up. You can, you can.

Speaker 1 Yo, Jake, did you twit... Are you Twitter tipping?

Speaker 1 Whoa, Jake?

Speaker 2 It's on,

Speaker 1 but I don't want it to come across where it's like, all right, people are listening.

Speaker 4 You know what?

Speaker 1 I think you can. I think the problem is that our $75,000 an episode joke has gone so far you can't.
But you can.

Speaker 2 What if Jake got $5,000 in Twitter tips to get Hank a new ass?

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. That would be...
What's your Twitter handle? My ass is not just up for sale. What's your Twitter handle? Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 What's your Twitter handle? PMT Sports Biz?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But, like, I'm not trying to. No, no, no.
People, please tip him. Tip this man so that we can get Hank a new ass.
Yes, that's not going to be my money. Yeah, that's not what I want.
That's exactly.

Speaker 1 No, perfect. You wouldn't do it for the show?

Speaker 1 If it's completely safe cosmetic surgery?

Speaker 8 I heard it takes like four weeks to recover.

Speaker 4 All the money is going to be a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, actually, not being able to sit is the worst thing possible.

Speaker 2 Oh, you can't sit?

Speaker 8 Yeah, and you can't be somewhere like

Speaker 1 Lieutenant Dan. Yeah, you got to be somewhere.
Oh, yeah, okay, so you go to Hawaii. Yes.

Speaker 8 I'll get an ass surgery in Hawaii.

Speaker 2 And you would have to do, like, instead of sitting, you'd have to have like a desk that you could lay down on your belly on.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I don't know. I figured it out.
Standing desk or something? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Would you, if you had, if you weren't allowed to sit, but you got to move to Hawaii, do you think that you would actually like to live

Speaker 2 No sitting. What a question.
Yeah, I just surfed the whole time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the whole time?

Speaker 1 Okay. You can't sit ever.
You either have to be laying down or standing up, but you get to sit down. No, obviously not.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think you could find a way.

Speaker 2 I think I would end up laying down all the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just lay down.

Speaker 8 Yeah, but the time differences, dude, like it would suck to live there.

Speaker 1 What? Right? No, no, who's that impression of?

Speaker 2 That's you guys. Yes.
Is that what we sound like? Yeah. Damn.

Speaker 1 Dude, football starts at 10 a.m. I can't do that.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 I stand by all of you.

Speaker 1 I stand by all of that.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 So if you tip Jake $5,000. 43.

Speaker 2 Hank gets a new ass. 93.

Speaker 1 43.

Speaker 9 73. 18.

Speaker 1 8.

Speaker 1 Hank needs a win. Come on, 43.

Speaker 2 74.

Speaker 7 I have an animal fact and I have a journalism fact. Remember, we're doing both.

Speaker 1 Yeah, give give them to us.

Speaker 8 Are we doing either or?

Speaker 1 Are we doing journalism or

Speaker 7 journalism fact?

Speaker 7 Lester Holt was kicked out of a radio station in Alaska when he was 11 years old.

Speaker 1 What? That's fascinating.

Speaker 7 His brother worked there and he didn't work there.

Speaker 2 And I guess the people said, you don't work here.

Speaker 7 You can't be here.

Speaker 2 I was in a restaurant in New York, like, maybe two, three years ago.

Speaker 8 That's when you say, I love you guys.

Speaker 2 And there was a guy that was playing bass on stage, and I was like, that guy looks like Lester Holt. And I went up closer, and Lester Holt was playing in a classic rock cover band, playing bass.

Speaker 2 And he's actually pretty good. It was crazy.

Speaker 1 Of course, he is. What's the animal fact?

Speaker 2 Ghost crabs growl using teeth in their stomachs.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Look at this.

Speaker 1 flat night, feelin' with that good, make a nigga act like puff. Border from the turn up, I go back right.
Big bag bustin' up the brandy band, take a remember, listen to yaka.

Speaker 1 Party back, and all these bitches broke. There's big bags, bustin' up the brandy band.
Take a man, I'm back, party back, and all you bitches broke.

Speaker 1 If it's up, then it's up, then it's up, then it's up. If it's up, then it's up, then it's up, then it's up.
I'm up, then it's up, then it's up in the stove.

Speaker 1 of time. I can make somebody rock.

Speaker 1 Shout to try to cover.

Speaker 1 If I had a dick, you probably nigga like the lollipop. Oh, picky Capanese.
Hit him with a rotten chop.

Speaker 1 Listen, nigga, look so toxic bitch. Niggas out here paying, gotta make them understand.

Speaker 1 Ain't no ring on my finger, you ain't going on my friend. And my face bomb ass tight, black pissed, shack.
High jury on me, flashlight. I've been listening bad nights.

Speaker 1 Spend him with that club, glove, nigga, nigga, act like drop boys on the zero pussy. I don't have that right.

Speaker 1 I won't say

Speaker 1 my feet a little

Speaker 1 bit.

Speaker 1 You're alone, I'm okay.

Speaker 1 Say I'll be

Speaker 1 better to say it's a pleasure.

Speaker 1 Hey, bad, but the next really bad thing,

Speaker 1 the other part. Let's move the bitches up.
It's a bad button, when you're bad, take a nap.

Speaker 1 That's part that you know you just got. It's the up and up

Speaker 1 and stuff with it up and up and up and stuff

Speaker 1 bitches ain't fucking with me now and I can see why 30 assistants bitch, you got the guy bitches won't smoke until I bring her to the doorstep. Call that bitch back back, grab it small like Rose.

Speaker 1 Put it on him now, he will never be the same.

Speaker 1 Turn it on my ass, cause I really like the pain. You let it on my butt, I said I'm glad that you came.
Cause that nigga had a trend, I would let him run the train.

Speaker 1 Big bag, put it at the baby brand. Take a rubber nuts and go to party, back and know you finish up.

Speaker 1 Ain't that listen, not the menu band, nigga, man. I can batch, party back and know you bitch fucked.
Up, then, up, then, up and stop. If it's up, then it's up, and it's up and stuck.

Speaker 1 Up and up, it is up and stuck.

Speaker 1 Got a clear case, no fake, no case.