Brian Baumgartner (Kevin Malone), Bill & Melinda Gates Break Up, Lebron Will Never Be The Same and FAQ’s

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 4 Whether I'm hosting game day at my place or taking my talents to the tailgate, Boar's Head is my go-to for a spread that's as exciting as the game itself. Their platters are a hit every time.

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Speaker 4 My personal favorite, the Blazing Buffalo Chicken, hummus or even one of their charcuterie collections for game-changing flavor boarshead helps me elevate my entertaining every time whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration to upgrade your spread visit your local boars head deli for platter options or build your own to make it perfect for your crowd boarshead committed to craft since 1905 on today's part of my take we have an awesome interview with brian baumgartner uh you know him as kevin malone from the office One of those interviews where we came across being like, damn, that guy's cool, and we really want to have him back on.

Speaker 13 So must listen.

Speaker 2 We're going to talk a little hockey suspensions with Tom Wilson.

Speaker 17 We have a little Aaron Rodgers update.

Speaker 6 We have Hot Seat Cool Throne.

Speaker 20 We have FAQs.

Speaker 14 We have a ton of stuff for you, and it is brought to you by our friends.

Speaker 22 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 23 Sebastian Meniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 22 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep

Speaker 22 coming.

Speaker 23 Sebastian Manascalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 23 Now in the street there is violence,

Speaker 23 and then a lot of

Speaker 23 work to be done.

Speaker 23 No place behind a law washing,

Speaker 23 and then I can't blame all of the stars. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to El A Trick Avenue,

Speaker 23 and then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 23 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 26 If you pardon my take, presented by Fall School Schools.

Speaker 28 Welcome to Pardon My Take, presented by movementmvmt.com slash pardon for 15%

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Speaker 21 Today is Wednesday, May 5th.

Speaker 8 I'm trying to play this on.

Speaker 34 May the 5th be with you. May the 5th be with you.

Speaker 35 Why isn't this playing?

Speaker 2 It's going to be May. There we go.

Speaker 36 Bill and Melinda Gates are

Speaker 9 no more.

Speaker 2 True love has had a rough month, man.

Speaker 5 They both did a thing really tough.

Speaker 2 Really tough.

Speaker 2 Although, Bill Gates is going to have a kick-ass bachelor party. They do need to have a divorce party.
And they need to get the whole gang from the Windows 95 debut back together.

Speaker 2 Have Steve Ballmer up on stage clapping it up for his boy. Gasses Bro Up.

Speaker 38 Steve Ballmer is definitely the dude on a bachelor party who like overplans every detail.

Speaker 40 It's like, all right, we're going to go fucking play some

Speaker 20 golf

Speaker 41 at 8 a.m.

Speaker 13 We're gonna go to a nice awesome lunch spot that I found that I rented a boat Then we got a dinner It's like dude, we just want to fucking get drunk stop planning everything Everything's got to be spent in a day like in a in a cab or an Uber because of you Steve chill out You know what though?

Speaker 2 It's good to have one person that's like that just so that you can break some of the plans later because it's good to have like one activity to do but then you get the boys to be like hey dude chill out yes you're you're planning this out way too much but you got to know the rules so that you can break them yeah it's a very smart person rule breaker let's just it's just sad someone put chrissy and john into a safe house uh bubble wrap them shout out

Speaker 2 shout out melinda gates take any more of this i'd like to announce i've officially moved on from miley cyrus because i am totally on the mckenzie bezos slash melinda gates who whichever one dude the fucking

Speaker 40 The like worship that people do of rich people online is so fucking funny when they're like McKenzie Bezos and Melinda Gates are going to team up and

Speaker 5 Hank, Girl Boss Energy, are going to solve climate change.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's not what's going to happen. So they're still going to be rich people.

Speaker 55 Doesn't stop.

Speaker 26 They're going to have a girl boss energy. You don't like the girl boss energy?

Speaker 45 That was a good one show thing, I think.

Speaker 26 No, no, no, no. Let's put it to bed.

Speaker 2 I was going to put it to bed until you just told me to put it to bed.

Speaker 39 I know I asked.

Speaker 26 I don't know what that is.

Speaker 25 That's Girl Boss Energy.

Speaker 25 Telling us to put it to bed?

Speaker 56 I rewind the tape.

Speaker 26 I literally asked.

Speaker 57 I said, can we stop?

Speaker 2 Okay, all right. I'll stop.
But Big Cat gets one show. Yeah.
And then we'll see how I feel on Friday's show.

Speaker 59 But yeah, it does.

Speaker 2 It's sad, man. It's sad seeing all these billionaires break up.
Like, what are they going to do?

Speaker 2 When you cut them, do they not bleed just like us, Hank? Do their hearts not break in half? Do they not feel the pain of losing true love?

Speaker 2 Does Bill Gates not get depressed when he logs on to Microsoft Word and Clippy pops up saying, hey, looks like you're trying to write a prenuptial agreement?

Speaker 60 Right. He definitely gets depressed when he realizes, you know, he doesn't have a prenup.

Speaker 61 Yeah. He doesn't? No.

Speaker 47 Having $130 billion is nice all right would you is it worth losing officially half of it i'm ready to risk it all for melinda gates i'm for one i'm shocked when i read a story about how uh before they got married bill gates wrote out on a whiteboard pros and cons of marrying melinda gates that's true love that is true love i can't believe that didn't last uh pro

Speaker 2 uh we we enjoy similar recreational sports yeah con

Speaker 30 uh

Speaker 2 I think she's just marrying me for my money.

Speaker 62 Yeah, pro,

Speaker 47 much like Henry Lockwood, girl boss energy.

Speaker 2 Big girl boss energy pro. So what does this mean about the people? I know that they were digging a lot of wells and solving malaria.
Are they just saying like, fuck it?

Speaker 66 No, they said

Speaker 67 they were going to still combine their powers to solve all the world's problems.

Speaker 2 Because I was thinking that maybe

Speaker 2 like the bridge too far was knowing that Bill had microchips implanting and everybody across the world. And she was like, listen, Bill, I was fine with you killing millions of people a year.

Speaker 2 But now that you're harvesting souls of babies and putting your chips in everyone's head, we're done here.

Speaker 17 I would just love, like, it would be such a great heel turn if Bill Gates just became a huge stoolie and like started mining like Smoke Show of the Days for his rebound.

Speaker 49 Hell yeah. Why not?

Speaker 2 Guess that ass.

Speaker 69 Dude, you're fucking out there, bro.

Speaker 70 Let's have some fun.

Speaker 71 As the king of New York, Lil Sass says, the boys are singy this summer.

Speaker 2 What has to happen in order to finalize a divorce where there's that much money involved?

Speaker 62 Because

Speaker 2 I think she's entitled to like 40 billion, 30 billion.

Speaker 72 I think whoever's the lawyer gets there, they just hit the jackpot.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 31 Because they basically are going to spend the next like two years writing up all this shit and get paid millions and millions of dollars.

Speaker 38 Like, what would you, if you're a lawyer and you charge already, let's say, $10K an hour for

Speaker 10 high-priced divorces, what do you bump that up to?

Speaker 32 Is it surcharge pricing like Uber?

Speaker 66 Where you're like, oh, actually, a lot, well, you saw Bezos is getting a divorce too, Bill.

Speaker 20 So unfortunately, it's going to be $100,000 an hour.

Speaker 2 I like to think that is $10,000 an hour an actual thing.

Speaker 60 Yeah, you can.

Speaker 51 I'm sure that's a good thing.

Speaker 26 I'm sure there's some high-pressure super high-profile layers.

Speaker 2 They're probably on retainer. They probably have like a guy that just sticks around in case they need to get a divorce.

Speaker 2 If you're that rich, you just have like your break glass in case of infidelity guy.

Speaker 26 Yeah, he's just hovering around at all times.

Speaker 73 Be like, you guys seem like, was that fight a little too serious?

Speaker 45 He's definitely trying to break you up all the time.

Speaker 14 I saw that Bill didn't, you know, put the seat back down.

Speaker 12 Should I get the papers going?

Speaker 2 Couldn't help but notice that Mr. Gates hasn't reciprocated Oral in quite some some time.
Yeah.

Speaker 49 Oh, Bill Gates is a pussy eater.

Speaker 2 I like to think

Speaker 2 that Jeff Bezos got his divorce and then pressured Bill into getting his. Because if you're Jeff Bezos and you become the richest single guy in the world,

Speaker 2 you know, going back to the analogy of a bachelor party, if you are the only person in your bachelor party that has a good job, you feel like you're imposing on them if you're like, hey, do you guys want to go to Cabo?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Do you want to go somewhere cool? If you're Jeff Bezos and you have, I don't know, $50 billion more than the second richest guy in the world, like, you can't plan a good vacation.

Speaker 2 You can't plan your singy life around that.

Speaker 2 You need to have a friend that's at least half as rich as you to also get divorced.

Speaker 21 So, Elon's next.

Speaker 2 I don't know. He seems like he's got pretty stable energy.
Yeah.

Speaker 41 Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 He's extremely happy.

Speaker 20 Well, he's got SNL.

Speaker 6 We're actually going to write some mock sketches for him on Friday before his SNL on

Speaker 18 Saturday is when they do it, right?

Speaker 2 They do Saturday Night Live.

Speaker 57 I just paused.

Speaker 5 I was like, yep, it's in the name, Saturday.

Speaker 2 It's actually Sunday morning. True.
For the most part. Like, you're in Newfoundland.
Two-thirds of the show is on Sunday morning.

Speaker 16 If you're in Newfoundland, the whole show is.

Speaker 2 It should be at SML. Halifax.
SM Live is what they should call it.

Speaker 31 All right, let's talk some sports.

Speaker 68 The biggest sports story we have.

Speaker 58 That's what

Speaker 31 was sports.

Speaker 44 But the biggest sports story we have today is

Speaker 13 hockey Twitter getting very upset because Tom Wilson did a thing again.

Speaker 77 And by a thing, I mean he punched some people in the head.

Speaker 2 It's sussy talk, yeah. And hockey Twitter is

Speaker 2 you're right when you tweeted out that there's like no gray area when it comes to suspension talk or NHL player safety talk, which is why I didn't even watch the hit last night.

Speaker 2 Everyone sent it to me, and I was like, I'm not even gonna watch it. I'm doing a digital cleanse.

Speaker 2 I didn't want to comment on it until this morning because, really, at that point, the only thing they're commenting on is you're saying, What could I say that will make the fewest amount of people upset at me?

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And when it comes to Tom Wilson, he's a player that is like he plays on that edge, on that like weird line between being extremely violent and extremely useful to have on your team.

Speaker 2 He crosses it a little bit. He crossed it a little bit last night.

Speaker 16 Oh, buddy.

Speaker 31 He crossed it.

Speaker 3 Well, here's a quote from a prominent journalist I'm going to read for you real quick.

Speaker 20 Tom Wilson is a psychopath.

Speaker 77 This time is the last time.

Speaker 13 Ban him for life.

Speaker 5 Arrest him.

Speaker 2 Hashtag capitals, hashtag psycho.

Speaker 26 Keith Overman. Yeah.

Speaker 25 So Keith Overman.

Speaker 75 He had like a hundred tweets about it.

Speaker 2 Do Keith Overman advocate for him to be arrested? New York Post advocated for him to be kicked out of the game for life and possibly arrested.

Speaker 2 There were a lot of people that were just saying, like, lock him up. There were lock him up chants going on about Tom Wilson.

Speaker 2 And the one thing that people love to do on hockey, suspension, Twitter is they always at... the Department of Player Safety.
Yes.

Speaker 2 They always make sure to tag them very helpfully in the tweets, the videos. And it's impossible to go back and look at the videos that are taken frame by frame.

Speaker 2 It's like the Zapruder film, and you're watching Panarin's head go back into the left, back as he's like pulling on it. And things happen in real time.

Speaker 2 And there's people forget they play hockey on ice. They do.
It's very slippery. Tom Wilson's a clumsy guy.
But yeah, obviously he's a

Speaker 78 piece of shit.

Speaker 2 I don't want to.

Speaker 38 But I don't think he should have been banned or arrested for life or anything like that.

Speaker 13 I think there's got to be a middle ground.

Speaker 2 We got to find a new word that even Tom Wilson and Capitals fans can call Tom Wilson. Because yeah, he is, but he's our piece of shit.
No, that's fine.

Speaker 75 I never, listen.

Speaker 10 Capitals fans, like, anyone who gets mad at Capitals fans for defending their guy, they just aren't sports fans because this is what you do as a sports fan.

Speaker 21 You defend your guy, even if all the evidence is, hey, your guy's a piece of shit.

Speaker 17 My middle ground is that Keith Olberman wants him arrested, and then the NHL gives him a $5,000 fine.

Speaker 81 That feels like two very like severe ends of the spectrum.

Speaker 59 It felt like, I do not think that it was some egregious arrest him.

Speaker 5 He's a psychopath.

Speaker 17 I think he, like you said, he plays on the edge.

Speaker 61 And if we're going off on a tangent real quick, it's kind of, in a weird way, the NFL's or the NHL's fault for getting fighting and goons out of hockey because Tom Wilson is kind of the apex predator now.

Speaker 31 Like, if they were still goons, a goon would fuck Tom Wilson up and it would be taken care of, and he wouldn't be doing this shit.

Speaker 2 He's a hybrid goon. He's right.
He's like half goon.

Speaker 63 He's the half.

Speaker 56 He's the tallest man left kind of thing.

Speaker 17 Like, he, like, if it were... 15 years ago, there would be someone who would fuck him up and he wouldn't be doing this shit.

Speaker 38 But now he knows there's no real repercussions.

Speaker 38 And so somewhere around like maybe a couple games, just to show, like, hey, I think more than anything, it's very hard to make the argument we care about player safety and then not, and then only give him a $5,000 sussy.

Speaker 2 Well, that was the max amount that they could find him under the CBA was $5,000. Beyond that, they would have to sussy him for a little bit.

Speaker 32 They should have sussied him for a game.

Speaker 2 Then maybe, I don't know. Can you sussy a guy for a game?

Speaker 29 Why not?

Speaker 2 They were saying that Panarin's going to be out for the rest of the season, so he should be out for at least 11.

Speaker 2 But Panarin's out because the Rangers aren't going to to make the playoffs not because three games left injured him but like if you do watch the replays it could have been pretty ugly he should you can definitely look at that and say like there was there was a chance that there could have been a severe head injury or a neck injury on the body slam yes but but also like that's Tom Wilson, when he is like trying to fuck you up, he doesn't stop to think like, am I slamming this person to the ground too violently?

Speaker 2 I'll put it this way. If Tom Wilson was a rhinoceros in a protected game reserve, they would have to have put him down just because he's naturally too aggressive at things.

Speaker 21 Yeah, so you're kind of leaning on the Keith Oberman Banner arrest.

Speaker 52 No, no, no, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 Because we can't, but we can't let the cure be worse than the disease.

Speaker 2 If Tom Wilson is out of the league, then who is going to police the game from players like Tom Wilson?

Speaker 26 Right, right.

Speaker 42 Tom Wilson,

Speaker 20 yeah, it's just so, like,

Speaker 11 it usually is right around playoff time when we get just the absolute like chaos that happens from debating these type of things.

Speaker 11 And it's not, I honestly don't think it even touches like targeting in football.

Speaker 67 Like it's so far, the debate on hockey

Speaker 70 suspensions, whether he should be suspended, hits, all these things is by far the most heated, like polarizing debate in all sports because

Speaker 73 fighting is allowed.

Speaker 71 Right. You know what I mean?

Speaker 10 Like if there was, if a guy was throwing punches in the NBA, you're like, okay, that guy's suspended.

Speaker 61 We know that.

Speaker 58 Where here it's like, okay, there obviously is a gray area of guys can fight.

Speaker 20 So when they start throwing punches, it's not immediately like that's the worst thing ever.

Speaker 59 I think, so I tweeted out that

Speaker 79 he, or someone, sorry, Tony, Tony Nargi WX said that

Speaker 11 we should have a funnier penalty for Tom Wilson.

Speaker 10 Like the fact, like, he should have to fight three guys at center ice before the next game, gladiator style.

Speaker 32 Okay.

Speaker 75 I thought that was a good idea.

Speaker 10 And I threw in, it would be funny if Tom Wilson had to play an entire game in sneakers.

Speaker 2 I think that's fair too.

Speaker 57 And then someone else...

Speaker 2 What if you just had him play, but he is the only player that doesn't get to wear a helmet? I like that. I think it's like a punishment-fits the crime type situation.
Yep.

Speaker 2 Where put him out there and let him be subject to other Apex Predators for a while.

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 13 And then someone, the last one I liked was Alexander.

Speaker 2 He always got sick flow.

Speaker 20 He does.

Speaker 40 Alexandra Daigle.

Speaker 13 Alexandre?

Speaker 7 Seems like a French dude.

Speaker 74 Daigle said the caps should get to keep Tom Wilson, but he has to play one game on a line with Owen Wilson and Luke Wilson.

Speaker 31 Okay. And just watch him get his shit kicked out of him.

Speaker 2 I like that.

Speaker 37 Yeah. That would be fun.

Speaker 86 Listen, like funnier penalties, especially at the end of the season.

Speaker 11 Like, let's just, the last game of the season, let's just, let's funnies find him.

Speaker 2 I don't want to see anybody get hurt or injured. I don't want to connect.
I don't know.

Speaker 26 Because you love Tom Wilson.

Speaker 2 I love having Tom Wilson on my team. I think that like 99% of the time when he plays, he plays like you want a hockey player.

Speaker 54 You're complicit, dude.

Speaker 25 If he killed someone, you'd be part of a class action lawsuit.

Speaker 2 I went back over the last 18 months. He's only been suspended once in the last 18 months of play.

Speaker 25 I'm just a fact.

Speaker 29 I'm looking out for you.

Speaker 81 If Keith Oberman decides that he wants to take legal action against Tom Wilson, you will be liable.

Speaker 2 I am telling Tom Wilson, because people do seem to think that I speak for Tom Wilson. Tom, listen to me very closely.
If you injure somebody because of a reckless hit or a negligent hit, I disavow.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you not to do that right now very clearly. I want you to hit people hard within the rules and injure them in the course of a normal clean hockey play.

Speaker 59 I don't know if Panarin.

Speaker 45 Not severely.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I don't know if Paneron, like, like you said, like, there's three games left, so they're probably just sitting him.

Speaker 38 If they were fighting for the playoffs, still, maybe he plays.

Speaker 28 But it does feel like an easy way to fix this in hockey is just you're suspended for as long as a guy's injured.

Speaker 66 Yeah. Like, that's so easy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 2 But then you also have to look at what happens on the other end if, like, a team sees that like if a superstar like a great player for one team injures a scrub on another during a playoff series if I'm the coach I'm like no, you're milking that lower

Speaker 28 Let me finish the other teams doc the team's doctors gets to review the player They switch the teams

Speaker 45 keeps everyone honest.

Speaker 2 Okay, I like that. Yeah, it's not a HIPAA violation either no not at all because you make them switch I do want to give a shout out to the Washington Capitals Twitter account

Speaker 2 for posting the most ridiculous tweet ever with a meme that just made no sense about Tom Wilson, like right after the game was over.

Speaker 45 It was during.

Speaker 63 I thought it was after.

Speaker 2 No, I'm pretty sure it was during because I thought it was after he got the empty netter at the end.

Speaker 37 Oh.

Speaker 2 And they posted this, and it's a meme that makes no sense. Like, part of it is Tom Wilson and shows from the neck up, there's the troll face going rent-free.

Speaker 2 And then from the neck down, it said something else. Just

Speaker 56 sheesh. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It said a lot of sheeshes.

Speaker 2 And then in the tweet itself, it said Tom Wilson woke up and selected violence with a checkbook it was like you know what that is i thought i was having a stroke watching you know what that is i thought it was a great job by the capital's uh social media department to get everyone online mad at them and not mad at actually tom wilson true but that's chugi as fuck it was the choose the chose violence caption is chugi it is chugi like i spotted it's like now that we know what chugi is it's like when you buy a car and then you see your car

Speaker 2 everywhere everywhere yeah i i can spot chugi left and right that's how i am with dojas right now i've seen like three shiba Inus over the course of the year.

Speaker 75 That is Matrix.

Speaker 2 That's the Matrix. That's the Matrix stuff.
But yeah,

Speaker 2 listen, I agree that Tom Wilson,

Speaker 2 if anything, Tom Wilson should be suspended for his own protection against all the online harassment he's dealing with.

Speaker 55 True these days.

Speaker 10 He's the real victim.

Speaker 69 All right, other news we have.

Speaker 10 Aaron Rodgers seems like it's getting worse.

Speaker 77 Seems like it's damage control is going on by the Packers.

Speaker 14 I don't know if you saw, but Rappaport or maybe Schefter, I just combined them at this point,

Speaker 28 is doing damage control for the GM of the Packers.

Speaker 38 They basically were like, people forget that the Packers tried to trade up to get a wide receiver last year, but a wide receiver was taken right before them, so they had to end up taking a quarterback.

Speaker 17 Of course, everyone forgets that.

Speaker 42 So it's clear they're trying to spin that.

Speaker 38 Also, Terry Bradshaw called Aaron Rodgers dumber than a box of rocks, which coming from Terry Bradshaw, that is one of the funniest quotes ever.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the old saying about Terry couldn't spell rocks if if you spotted him the R, the O, and the X? Like, Terry is not a smart guy, but Terry owns it.

Speaker 2 That is what we expected to be coming from Brett Favre. Yes.
That quote, Terry Bradshaw might be usurping Brett Favre. He might be Favre cucking him.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 43 No, you're absolutely right.

Speaker 31 I think Favre probably is just sitting there like, am I back?

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 69 Is it my turn now?

Speaker 28 We also had Devontae Adams send out a cryptic tweet that said, got to appreciate what you got while you got it.

Speaker 51 Hmm.

Speaker 2 Heartbreak again.

Speaker 2 All our heroes are breaking.

Speaker 2 All our A-rods are breaking up right now.

Speaker 36 I just want him to be happy.

Speaker 37 I think it's, I also saw on GetUp, they basically said,

Speaker 28 is Aaron Rodgers too sensitive?

Speaker 2 I need to, I'm actually concerned about our friend Dan Orlofsky. Yes.
Is he okay?

Speaker 56 No.

Speaker 2 Is he mentally well?

Speaker 56 We do have to have him on the show eventually.

Speaker 2 I saw him the other day, and he was crying on television because Aaron Rodgers doesn't have enough help. He was like, he was honestly like, his eyes were red.
They were watering.

Speaker 2 He was just staring at the camera and couldn't believe that people were disrespecting Aaron Rodgers by saying that Devontae Adams is good.

Speaker 76 I kind of like this, though, because we clowned on Dan when

Speaker 7 he notesapped all of us right in our fucking face after the week 17 Eagles Washington football team game.

Speaker 13 And we clowned on him.

Speaker 21 But maybe this is what we need.

Speaker 80 We need a guy who just wears his heart on his sleeve and has like, you know, when his quarterback or quarterbacks

Speaker 30 screw up or want a trade, he gets emotional.

Speaker 80 I like that because you know what?

Speaker 44 It is not good what GetUp is doing saying, is Aaron Rodgers too sensitive?

Speaker 7 That is the hypermasculinity I will not stand for.

Speaker 2 It's toxic, honestly.

Speaker 34 It's toxic.

Speaker 2 If anything, they should be encouraging Aaron to follow his heart and his dreams.

Speaker 25 And get a trade to the Broncos.

Speaker 2 I was going to say to Merv Griffin Enterprises. That's free.

Speaker 81 Whatever.

Speaker 9 Either or, I'll take it.

Speaker 56 Either or.

Speaker 2 But yeah, it's like when Mark Brunelli, remember when he cried about the New England Patriots deplating football?

Speaker 2 That was honestly great.

Speaker 2 We need that.

Speaker 56 We need that.

Speaker 2 We need people to care about stuff that much on our televisions.

Speaker 2 I just want to make sure that Dan's doing okay because

Speaker 2 I was taken aback as to how emotional he was getting about the treatment of Brett Farrev by his general manager.

Speaker 32 We will get him on eventually. We also had...

Speaker 2 I have an idea. Yeah.
This might be something that we can say as, I guess as a collective, we are owners of the Green Bay Packers.

Speaker 58 Our fish, Larry was.

Speaker 2 I purchased a secondary share off the market, but I think as a podcast, we're owners of the Green Bay Packers. And

Speaker 2 tying back into what you were talking about with billionaires owning soccer teams and how you can protest against the American billionaire, but another billionaire that cares about their money is going to come over and do exactly what billionaires do.

Speaker 2 What about this idea?

Speaker 2 Back in ancient Greece, there was a concept called sortition. So they didn't have elections.
They didn't have democracy as we know it. They didn't have mayors.

Speaker 2 What they would do would be, once every year or two, they would pick a name out of a hat from all the citizens that lived in the town, and that person was their president for the next two years.

Speaker 2 And it sounds fucking crazy because it is, but also it kind of encourages people, it encourages you to make sure that all the kids are going to be well educated. Yes.

Speaker 2 Because any one of these shitheads could end up being your boss one day.

Speaker 81 Yeah, no, we should absolutely, it would be cool if cities owned the teams

Speaker 14 and we voted on coaches and GMs and all that stuff.

Speaker 21 And then imagine having like a recall, like imagine a coach fucking up in week 10, and then you're like, emergency election, everyone vote.

Speaker 20 Should we fire his ass or not?

Speaker 87 It would make sports so much more fun because that's what we do as fans.

Speaker 20 We love to just yell about firing guys and get this guy out of here.

Speaker 66 Having the ability to actually do it.

Speaker 73 So let's fucking go.

Speaker 2 So the problem with that would be like coaches would get fired after every single loss.

Speaker 63 Yeah, which I'm cool with.

Speaker 86 I don't know what's the problem.

Speaker 87 Every team would fire.

Speaker 2 These guys have families, but they have to re-enroll them in schools.

Speaker 31 No, yeah, that's so

Speaker 31 good.

Speaker 2 What I think is we should do that, except you should be able to vote the owners out, but the owners get installed by the city just at random.

Speaker 52 No, there are no owners.

Speaker 2 You just select a random person to run the team

Speaker 2 from the pool of citizens that live in any given city. Yes.
And then that owner makes coaching decisions. Then you can fire the owner prematurely if you need to.

Speaker 56 Yeah, I'm in for all of it.

Speaker 2 Because I do think that having

Speaker 2 somebody tied in to the local community is what we need.

Speaker 6 I want Matt Nagy fired, and I want to rehire him, then fire him again.

Speaker 12 That actually would be incredible to get the satisfaction of keep firing the guy that you hate.

Speaker 2 Well, that's what people are saying to do with Tom Wilson.

Speaker 30 People are like, well, he's no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 26 Bring him back to life.

Speaker 2 No, people are like, psychopath. Arrest him, kill him, bring him back to life, resuscitate him, kill him again.

Speaker 62 Arrest him.

Speaker 7 Arrest his ass.

Speaker 69 Fucking do it.

Speaker 88 All right, other thing we had.

Speaker 49 We missed this story on Sunday, but it needs to be mentioned.

Speaker 6 LeBron James is laying the groundwork for one of the greatest underdog stories of all time, even though he's widely acclaimed as the second best basketball player of all time and still the best basketball player in the NBA.

Speaker 89 LeBron James came back from his ankle injury.

Speaker 70 LeBron James said

Speaker 17 on his first game back, he said his ankle was a little tight.

Speaker 53 And he said that

Speaker 14 he is, or sorry, he said getting back to 100% is impossible.

Speaker 20 I don't think I'll ever be back to 100% in my career.

Speaker 21 And then also said he still thinks he's at the point where he feels like he can help the team win.

Speaker 34 Comeback Player of the Year.

Speaker 38 Poor little LeBron James is just out there.

Speaker 81 And you know what?

Speaker 2 If he he didn't think he could help the lakers win anymore he'd probably bench himself but he thinks he can probably chip in a little and help these guys win even though he'll never ever be 100 again i also uh think he was coming off the heels of the the news where he was like they should fire whoever came up with the playoff scenario you remember that so he was trying to that and also he's not getting vaccinated and he's well he's he's trying to get some sympathy for being like listen i'm injured i'm probably taking like heavy doses of tylenol who knows how my brain's working right now did he actually say i'm not getting vaccinated No, but Dennis Schroeder said him and LeBron are the only one.

Speaker 63 We're the only two that haven't been vaccinated that haven't gotten it yet.

Speaker 12 Which would be so funny if the playoffs happen and he has to like quarantine.

Speaker 13 If he gets like

Speaker 16 what happens? That would be a real shame.

Speaker 30 That would be wild.

Speaker 26 That would be a real shame.

Speaker 58 It would be wild.

Speaker 26 Real shame.

Speaker 55 No, I was going to say kind of what you're saying.

Speaker 2 James Jr. guy at the same time.
Yeah, it would be wild.

Speaker 37 Wild.

Speaker 60 He said whoever made the rule-up should be fired, but if you go back to March 2020, he said you got Portland, you got Memphis, New Orleans, Sacramento tinkering around there.

Speaker 60 So if there's five or ten games left, why not have those guys play it and battle it out? We can play each other all five games.

Speaker 53 So, quick question: I'm just curious: what's the difference, though, this year?

Speaker 30 There is no difference.

Speaker 45 No, well, there's no, isn't there?

Speaker 83 The Lakers, where are they?

Speaker 42 They must be first, so it doesn't matter.

Speaker 60 They're five right now, but seven, Portland, there's two teams that are one game behind them.

Speaker 81 Oh, so they're close to the play-in game.

Speaker 57 Oh, interesting.

Speaker 5 I was playing dumb there, Hank.

Speaker 51 Got it.

Speaker 26 And last season,

Speaker 2 last season finished up the exact season.

Speaker 30 No, you know, right?

Speaker 2 Last season went, you know, the standard NBA postseason through June, right?

Speaker 50 Nothing after that.

Speaker 26 That's pretty normal. Yeah.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 69 Okay.

Speaker 29 LeBron, LeBron being like, I'll never be 100% again.

Speaker 7 I think that's better than the pretty much broken hand.

Speaker 2 You know how you say like that.

Speaker 26 The one thing, though, I will say that's kind of long. That's kind of relatable, though.

Speaker 26 He's got a long life. I'm never going to financially recover from this.

Speaker 13 He's got, no, he's, I actually, I mean, there's moments in my life that I'll never be 100% again.

Speaker 92 Right.

Speaker 62 Yeah.

Speaker 60 I actually like kind of laughed at that because that's kind of relatable where it's like, I'm never, you know, I'm never going to be 100% again.

Speaker 16 It's like when you're really constantly losing yourself.

Speaker 60 It's like when you're really hungover on a Sunday and you have to go to work the next day, you're like, I'm never, I'm never going to be, I'm never going to feel normal again.

Speaker 2 Have you ever sprayed an ankle? It's worse than a break. Yeah, it is.

Speaker 49 I sprained my ankle a lot of times.

Speaker 93 I was like, I've been in an uncontested layup once because that was there.

Speaker 16 Yeah, I sprained my ankle like every other day.

Speaker 2 Have you been 100% since then?

Speaker 93 Well, yeah, I'm, you know, I'm built different than the man child.

Speaker 75 Yeah. I would say.
Man-child girl boss.

Speaker 84 I would say right now,

Speaker 66 I'm 67% of my 100 and i'm going down okay i'll never be higher than 67 i'll one up you lebron i will never be higher than like if 100 is you feel incredible great shape like good weight all these things mentally you know rested all that i'm 67 of 100 i think i'm 75 of 110

Speaker 2 okay when i was at my max yeah you were 100 but you know what i uh we're also a little bit younger than lebron James.

Speaker 16 By like a month. By one month.

Speaker 2 By exactly one month. So, yeah, in his old age, it's harder to recover from those nagging little injuries.

Speaker 2 Thoughts and prayers, though, to him.

Speaker 35 I'll never be 100% again.

Speaker 12 I just love the fact that he said, I still think I can help the team win.

Speaker 82 Okay, thanks, LeBron.

Speaker 71 It will be the greatest comeback of all time.

Speaker 2 Well, you can't have an ankle transplant. They can't just...

Speaker 57 Alabama would disagree.

Speaker 2 He needs to go visit Nick Saba.

Speaker 16 Alabama,

Speaker 5 they transplant every ankle on that team when they show up as freshmen.

Speaker 2 They do preemptive ankle surgery. It's like a circumcision down there.

Speaker 2 They have a mole come in and you just cut the tip of your tendon off.

Speaker 38 We're just going to fucking wrap this wire around your ankle real quick when you show up.

Speaker 2 I don't know if it's like medically advisable to do, but it definitely makes you get drafted higher.

Speaker 49 Absolutely.

Speaker 2 I mean, Achilles, the ankle brought down the greatest warrior of all time. That's true.

Speaker 49 Big Ben.

Speaker 31 Yeah, absolutely. And also his nose.

Speaker 34 Yes.

Speaker 26 And every other part of it.

Speaker 50 His shoulder.

Speaker 68 His shoulder.

Speaker 70 His head. His own brain.

Speaker 2 His penis through the

Speaker 2 pornography addiction.

Speaker 13 Yep, all of that stuff.

Speaker 42 All right, let's get to Hot Seat Cool Throne.

Speaker 47 And then we got Brian Baumgunner on.

Speaker 6 You know Miss Kevin Malone.

Speaker 12 By the way, we interviewed him before all the Aaron Rodgers stuff, unfortunately.

Speaker 48 So it was just general.

Speaker 14 He's a big Aaron Rodgers fan.

Speaker 9 Wish we had been able to really stick it to him there.

Speaker 47 But before we do that,

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Speaker 60 Hank, my hot seat is, I had a few. The first one was the Lakers.
We just talked about it, though. Okay.
My second one, thankfully I had multiple per usual,

Speaker 60 was the kids. The youth, our future.

Speaker 18 Euthanasia?

Speaker 60 The youth of the nation, the R-W-R.

Speaker 60 There was a release today that the New York City public schools will have remote learning instead of snow days next year.

Speaker 26 That sucks. Fuck.

Speaker 60 So that might be the new, now that they've kind of built in the online learning curriculum, they can kind of use that and instead of snow days, just do online learning, which is just terrible.

Speaker 2 i feel bad for the youth i feel bad for the kids we need a an alex jones for children to get the kids really pissed off about this and start a fucking revolution because like there is actual inherent value in what you do on snow days when you're by yourself as a kid and the shit that you get into the mischief like all the stuff that you do on those days actually translates into like real life learning and you're not going to get that by sitting in front of a computer all right i'll zag on this i actually uh i'm okay with this for two reasons one the snow days, that obviously means that summer starts earlier, which is awesome, because that's how they always build it.

Speaker 16 I think there's five built-in ones.

Speaker 56 Okay, but you won't have any.

Speaker 69 There won't have be any, right?

Speaker 14 So your summer will start earlier, and there's no fucking way when you're on Zoom learning, you're actually doing anything.

Speaker 87 That's better than a fucking like substitute teacher.

Speaker 26 No, no.

Speaker 29 Do you think kids are learning on Zoom learning?

Speaker 56 I can guarantee you.

Speaker 2 No, I'm saying that they're like they would learn more not being on Zoom learning and going out into the wild and having a day by themselves. They can still do that.

Speaker 2 When they're on Zoom learning, they have to be in front of the computer the entire time and it sucks.

Speaker 53 But they can still do that. Like

Speaker 69 they do a couple classes at home and then they go out and have fun in the snow.

Speaker 55 And in classes,

Speaker 26 you got classes. You have classes all day.

Speaker 62 You're in like two.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you got classes all day.

Speaker 60 You have to start at seven. Yeah.

Speaker 25 So what's your name? It's a snow day.

Speaker 56 You wake up.

Speaker 97 This is. You check the TV.
You see if your school scrolls on the bottom line.

Speaker 26 I think Zoom learning.

Speaker 50 If you miss it, then you have to watch it. I'm going to

Speaker 50 roll back and

Speaker 50 if you hit it, you just go back to sleep.

Speaker 36 If you ask the kid, like, Zoom learning is a complete fucking joke.

Speaker 62 They probably,

Speaker 50 that's not what we're saying. I know.

Speaker 2 They would agree that it's a complete joke.

Speaker 29 I would rather get summer early. Hank, you love summer.

Speaker 93 I love summer.

Speaker 57 You love summer.

Speaker 60 But I also love, you know, that's a future me thing.

Speaker 55 Give me snow days 10 days a week.

Speaker 26 But I still think doing, like, not because not having to go in to school.

Speaker 63 Well, like, once my birthday, it'd be like June 13th.

Speaker 60 If we had school past it, like, no one gives a fuck at the end of the year anyway.

Speaker 36 Right.

Speaker 16 But not having to go in to school still feels like different

Speaker 16 once the snow days have announced.

Speaker 2 What you're forgetting is that there's something magical about being a kid, not being prepared for whatever assignment that was due the next day or a quiz that you were not ready for, and then getting like a finger of God coming down in your town and being like, guess what?

Speaker 2 I'm going to help you out on this one. You don't have to go in.
Instead, you can go day drink at your neighbor's house whose parents both work like 45 drinks out in town.

Speaker 26 Wait, this became a...

Speaker 2 Yeah, when you're like 17 years old.

Speaker 57 Oh, now when you're 17, totally.

Speaker 26 I'm talking about like...

Speaker 75 I thought you were talking about imagination as like a 12-year-old.

Speaker 2 I'm talking about everyone.

Speaker 59 You could day drink while you're on Zoom.

Speaker 29 I'm just 17 years old.

Speaker 50 That's no.

Speaker 2 We tried doing Zoom happy hours back in March. That lasted like a year ago.

Speaker 29 Listen, I just, I know summer, like, summer starting earlier would be fucking sick.

Speaker 2 No, you need to be aware.

Speaker 85 Summer's awesome.

Speaker 26 Insane. And also, it's like one or two days.

Speaker 2 But this is.

Speaker 57 It's New York. No way.

Speaker 54 It doesn't even snow in New York.

Speaker 2 You need snow days. It doesn't even snow.
The kids need the snow days.

Speaker 40 I think once you get back to having to go to school every day, a Zoom day will feel like a snow day.

Speaker 15 That's my point.

Speaker 56 All right, next, Hank.

Speaker 60 My Cool Throne is our very own PFT commentator.

Speaker 85 Oh.

Speaker 2 DK Metcalf. Oh, so you're just going to take My Cool Thrones? That's fine.

Speaker 60 Well, how am I supposed to know?

Speaker 50 Okay, thanks, Jake.

Speaker 55 How am I supposed to know what you had?

Speaker 60 Do you want to go first?

Speaker 16 You can go. I mean, what do you want?

Speaker 26 You're doing a great job.

Speaker 62 Yeah, I mean, clearly.

Speaker 60 Do you want to go? I don't know why.

Speaker 49 Go ahead, go.

Speaker 55 I can't be picking my hot seat and cool throne thinking about you.

Speaker 16 I'm a little boss.

Speaker 69 That's me today. Hank, go.

Speaker 60 I can't be picking my hot seat to cool throne and think about what you're picking. I just got to tunnel vision.
That's fair.

Speaker 60 My cool throne, and I didn't think you're that conceited. I didn't think you were that selfish, conceited.
I'm just going to talk about yourself, you know?

Speaker 2 I was actually going to say something else.

Speaker 26 Narcissist.

Speaker 93 Yeah, clearly.

Speaker 60 DK Metcalf, who PFT beat in a race, 100-yard dash, I think it was 40-yard dash in our office. He has been training, and it's possibly going to be racing this weekend to go to the Olympics.

Speaker 60 So if he does go to the Olympics, you can say you're faster than an Olympic racer.

Speaker 62 Oh, I like that.

Speaker 49 Therefore, you're on the cool throne.

Speaker 60 Olympic.

Speaker 93 Olympian.

Speaker 2 Also, Oscar Pistorius. Right.
In certain circumstances. Yes.
Challenger.

Speaker 82 Paralympic.

Speaker 37 Yes.

Speaker 56 Thank you, Hank. That was lovely.

Speaker 2 My hot seat.

Speaker 25 You're not welcome.

Speaker 57 Whoa. Yeah, I actually agree with you, Hank.

Speaker 70 Why? Yeah, you're not welcome.

Speaker 62 Why?

Speaker 81 Because

Speaker 66 you contested.

Speaker 2 No, I said one thing. Hank said one thing.

Speaker 75 There were some things said. All right, go ahead.

Speaker 2 My hot seat is the White House cat.

Speaker 2 so the bidens got a cat for their white house and i maybe they forgot that major biden still exists and they're they got a dog to help socialize major biden who has been biting everything that it sees i think you have to say the dog just so people know because one of their kids names is hunter okay so major definitely like they're they would definitely name so major one of their kids major they would major biden the dog the german shepherd dog is being socialized back into the white house with the help of a cat, and that cat is fucking dead.

Speaker 37 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 That dog is going to eat the shit out of that cat. And to be honest with you, I kind of have grown to love Major Biden just because he's such a shithead.

Speaker 84 Well, he's also very relatable.

Speaker 38 Like, I wouldn't want to be in a house where there's a shitload of people coming and going all the time.

Speaker 70 I would start biting everyone as well.

Speaker 2 It's very funny to have the highest, most honorable house in America, in theory, just populated by a mangy dog that's running around attacking everybody.

Speaker 60 I love that.

Speaker 2 Dogs will be dogs. My cool throne is, I was going to say lane lines on sprinting tracks because DK Metcalf is competing to try to qualify for the Olympics.
Got it.

Speaker 2 So I wasn't going to make it about me. I was going to make it about DK.

Speaker 16 But then you were going to be like, who's faster than DK?

Speaker 26 Yeah, but I think that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 49 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 60 But I, see, that's the thing. My cool throne was PFT Commentary.
So how did you even know what I was talking about?

Speaker 2 No, because then you started talking about DK right afterwards.

Speaker 60 But it's different cool thrones.

Speaker 50 Yeah, it is. It is different.

Speaker 57 It is totally different cool thrones.

Speaker 2 So the speculation is that if DK runs under like a 10.2, then he'll qualify for the Olympic trials.

Speaker 2 But that, in order to do that, he would have to run as fast as he was running at his peak when he was chasing down Buda Bay.

Speaker 6 It feels like there's sprinters that could run fast.

Speaker 29 Yeah, so it would.

Speaker 31 We don't have as much muscle.

Speaker 2 What you're going to see a lot of is track and field stands on Twitter being like, this guy has no business in our sport and saying you don't understand truly how fast sprinters are.

Speaker 2 And you know what? They're right.

Speaker 56 100%.

Speaker 2 Sprinters are trained to do one thing and one thing only, and they're very good at it.

Speaker 62 Dude,

Speaker 5 no one knows how fast marathon runners are. When you see a a marathon runner run like a two two-hour marathon, they are sprinting as fast as you can possibly sprint for two hours.

Speaker 2 That said, I do hope that he gets, I hope that he qualifies. It'd be fucking hilarious to see DK Betcalf go to the Olympics.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I don't think he's going to, but yeah, it would be very funny.

Speaker 35 It would be very funny to see him go there.

Speaker 13 Which, are the Olympics happening?

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 87 For sure. Tokyo.

Speaker 39 For sure, for sure.

Speaker 2 I don't want to say for sure, for sure. All right.
I don't know if it's going to be a good idea.

Speaker 45 So anyone's going to be alive.

Speaker 2 I can't guarantee that.

Speaker 51 That's true. Oh, I hope they happen.

Speaker 98 They're still the 2020 Olympics.

Speaker 50 Yeah, that's right. That's right.

Speaker 53 All right, my hot seat is us because the dude perfect, they released a sick-ass

Speaker 21 music video called Pet Peeves.

Speaker 36 One of the pet peeves being

Speaker 15 missing

Speaker 72 putts, which is not a pet peeve.

Speaker 2 That's just not a pet peeve. One was when you drive past a car and a dog is barking really loud.

Speaker 62 What?

Speaker 45 Yeah. That's a pet, it's pretty relatable.

Speaker 72 Because for that, like one second, you have have to hear a dog. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it was, you know what? The dog looked like Leroy, too. I was like, I would give anything to drive past that car.

Speaker 30 Yeah, so we're fucked.

Speaker 99 They're coming to our block.

Speaker 36 I didn't make Drink Paint and

Speaker 6 the other song.

Speaker 3 Chunk.

Speaker 30 There we go. I knew that.

Speaker 69 I fucking knew that.

Speaker 32 Like I said, 67% capacity.

Speaker 2 We might have underestimated Dude Perfect. They truly can do it all.
Yeah. Play every sport.

Speaker 93 This is the worst song I've ever heard.

Speaker 63 It was an insult to music in general.

Speaker 37 Yeah, no, my pet.

Speaker 53 Can you auto-tune this?

Speaker 72 My pet peeve

Speaker 7 was that entire music video.

Speaker 37 Beardo.

Speaker 2 Beardo came in. My pet peeve is when Beardo tries to rap.

Speaker 55 Can you sing it?

Speaker 2 My pet peeve is when Beardo tries to rap at me. My pet peeve was when I thought Beardo wasn't going to make it all about himself, but the start of the video was all about himself.

Speaker 31 All right, so there we go.

Speaker 41 Put that out there.

Speaker 68 All right, my cool throne is Russell Westbrook because he's incredible.

Speaker 19 And

Speaker 68 I said that I was going to do a respect update every now and then. Like, here's someone we should respect more.

Speaker 86 Russell Westbrook doesn't get enough respect.

Speaker 81 This is now the fourth season that he will average a triple double for the entire season.

Speaker 47 He could record zero points, zero rebounds, and zero assists in all the rest of the games this season, and he would still have a triple double.

Speaker 31 And I know Ball Hog like makes bad decisions at the end of the games Russell Westbrook because of the three point percent I don't care the dude is fucking crazy he's really really good and he somehow is still really really good even though everyone has written him off so I'm respecting him more okay and his fourth time averaging a triple double is crazy and on Monday night he dropped 24 assists 21 rebounds 24 assists 14 points that's insane that's crazy I've never heard Russell Westbrook before that's good that's like

Speaker 2 he doesn't shoot well you remember Jaza Pacheep Shot? Yep, Pacheep Shot.

Speaker 34 Those were good ones.

Speaker 2 Hustle Westbrook, what I call him with numbers like those, like 24 assists.

Speaker 38 24 assists, 21 rebounds, 14 points.

Speaker 2 That's crazy.

Speaker 42 That's fucking stupid.

Speaker 89 So let's respect it more.

Speaker 13 All right, Jake, you are a hot seat person.

Speaker 2 I'm growing concerned that our list of people that we have to respect might be getting too long.

Speaker 28 It's literally just Steph Curry and Russell Westbrook.

Speaker 2 You mentioned Chris Paul the other week.

Speaker 7 No, but I didn't.

Speaker 9 That was a fucking, we all knew that that was a prank.

Speaker 69 It was a double cross.

Speaker 62 It was a double cross. Got it.

Speaker 67 It's two.

Speaker 32 There's two people I got to respect more.

Speaker 98 Hot seats, the Houston Astros. They returned to Yankee Stadium tonight for the first time since the incident.

Speaker 50 Things could get ugly.

Speaker 89 You think anyone's going to bring a trash can?

Speaker 26 Probably. Things will get ugly.

Speaker 16 I'll be wild. Oh, my God.
Bleacher Creatures.

Speaker 26 Bleacher Creatures.

Speaker 59 Yo, did you guys know that that dude on Twitter?

Speaker 93 My God, Billy.

Speaker 14 Oh, nope. Don't mention him.

Speaker 38 The dude on Twitter who created an Astros Revenge tour account that basically was like, we're going to be shaming the Astros everywhere.

Speaker 68 And then after last year, he just changed his hand.

Speaker 16 That was a random baseball.

Speaker 39 And he just made it himself like a baseball page.

Speaker 80 And everyone's like, are you fucking serious?

Speaker 25 You can't rebrand like that.

Speaker 55 You can't.

Speaker 26 He has like 200,000 followers.

Speaker 2 I really hope that at some point tonight, Aaron Judge gets on second base for LCB.

Speaker 2 That's all I care about when it comes to this game. Yeah.

Speaker 56 All right. And your cool throne?

Speaker 98 My cool throne is minor league baseball. It's opening day.

Speaker 52 I know we rock some gear sometimes. Yep.

Speaker 52 Love it. The little guys.

Speaker 98 Their whole season got canceled last year.

Speaker 34 So first time in two years. Love it.

Speaker 2 Good to see the boys out there playing. Yep.

Speaker 26 All right.

Speaker 9 Let's get to our great, great interview with Kevin Malone, Brian Baumgartner, talking everything, sports, office, everything.

Speaker 89 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.

Speaker 7 You might know him as Kevin Malone from the office, or you might know him as the Cameo King, but he's also a die-hard sports fan.

Speaker 91 It is Brian Baumgartner.

Speaker 59 How do you? I knew I was going to screw that up, your last name.

Speaker 92 You know,

Speaker 92 you stuttered as though you were going to screw it up, but I think you did it. But at least you did.

Speaker 75 I think Baumgartner because of the picture.

Speaker 38 So then it gets in my head like the name is so close to another name that it just fucks me up.

Speaker 92 You're talking about missing A, missing T?

Speaker 88 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 78 Right.

Speaker 92 That's what I call him. Missing A, missing T.

Speaker 5 So you're his cousin or what is that?

Speaker 24 No, I'm not his cousin.

Speaker 92 No, I'm not his cousin.

Speaker 57 Go ahead.

Speaker 76 Well, I was going to say, what would you rather be introduced as?

Speaker 15 The actor who played Kevin Malone or Cameo King?

Speaker 92 If I'm given that choice, I'll go with Kevin Malone.

Speaker 88 Okay.

Speaker 80 Because you are the Cameo King.

Speaker 92 That's what they say.

Speaker 62 Yes.

Speaker 5 But it's awesome to have you on.

Speaker 36 We've seen you on a few different shows, and when you were pitched to us, we're like, yeah, we definitely want him on.

Speaker 67 So thank you for joining us.

Speaker 46 We appreciate it.

Speaker 46 I don't even know where to start because you are a true sports sports fan, which is rare when the actor guests are true sports fans.

Speaker 76 I'll start here, actually. You like Bryson De Chambeau.

Speaker 64 What's your fucking problem?

Speaker 92 Well, here's the thing. He went to SMU and I went to SMU.

Speaker 92 So there is that very...

Speaker 92 connection. Who said I like Bryson De Chambeau?

Speaker 29 I found it on the internet.

Speaker 62 Taught again. Yeah.

Speaker 92 I must have been, I must have been. Yeah, everything you read on the internet is true.

Speaker 26 Gotcha.

Speaker 24 Everything you read on the internet.

Speaker 62 Okay, well, let's.

Speaker 92 I might have been scrambling to give an answer. I mean, I do, we do have that bond.
We have that kinship.

Speaker 62 Yeah. Right?

Speaker 46 We're noted haters of him.

Speaker 37 Don't like him.

Speaker 2 We can clarify, though, like, scale of one to ten, how much would you say that you like Bryson DeChambeau?

Speaker 92 How much do I like?

Speaker 92 I don't actively root against him.

Speaker 69 Okay.

Speaker 25 That's not good enough for us.

Speaker 50 We need to update that website.

Speaker 16 Yeah, that's a wrong answer.

Speaker 92 Now, let me ask you this.

Speaker 39 Is this a new hate or is this an old hate?

Speaker 75 It really comes down to we're just incredibly loyal guys.

Speaker 17 So we're friends with Brooks Kepka.

Speaker 75 And actually, I don't even think Brooks hates him.

Speaker 51 We just decided that we like we the way people root for golf, we never understood like how you can just kind of root for everyone.

Speaker 64 Golf is more fun when you just pick like one or two guys, and that's your guy, and it's like a sports team.

Speaker 64 And then everyone else, like, we really, if you actually boil it down, I don't think we like actually think Bryson DeShamsbeau is a bad guy, but we hate other golfers like they're our rivals.

Speaker 92 I got it. I actually respect that.

Speaker 93 I like that.

Speaker 92 Yeah. I mean, so here, here's my, here's my golf take.

Speaker 92 I don't really understand

Speaker 92 it

Speaker 92 or why it is, or and maybe you can help me. So, I feel like if, unless you have a vested interest in something, right?

Speaker 92 Like dynasties, you don't root for typically, right? Like, unless you're a New England guy, you kind of hate the Patriots, right? Like,

Speaker 92 you're not rooting for them. Same Yankees, same Lakers, same whatever, right?

Speaker 92 I and so I think I feel that way.

Speaker 92 I know I feel that way in general about other sports without mentioning teams specifically, but for me, the crazy thing is Tiger Woods in that when I was watching Tiger Woods or when I watched Tiger Woods, I want him to dominate.

Speaker 92 Like I just,

Speaker 92 and I, and I don't know what that is. And then, you know, it's like, oh, here, this guy's the new Tiger.
This is Speed. This is so-and-so.

Speaker 92 And I don't, I don't, I don't ever have that feeling anymore. So my question is, like, what was it about him that made him so transcendent that I feel like a lot of people feel the same way I do?

Speaker 2 I think it was just, he was so different from everybody else that was in golf at that time. When he came along, like, nobody showed emotion.

Speaker 2 You might get a fist pump occasionally out of a guy if he made a big putt, but he was just, he treated being out on the golf course like you see, you know, a football player.

Speaker 2 If they, like a quarterback that throws a touchdown, they get pumped up, like Brett Farr would go jump into his teammates' arms, things like that.

Speaker 2 Like Tiger looked like, I don't want to say he was having fun out on the course, but like he displayed all the emotions. Like he was getting pumped up.
He would yell at himself.

Speaker 2 He'd be like, come on, Woods. He'd cuss himself out if he hit a drive into the woods.

Speaker 2 He was just so different and exciting that it got a lot of people into golf that wouldn't normally be golf fans. And so then that's your guy that got you there.

Speaker 2 So you're going to kind of stick around for a while.

Speaker 92 Yes.

Speaker 69 Yeah, I hear that.

Speaker 53 I'd also throw out the idea that Tiger was so good that

Speaker 11 it became something bigger than golf.

Speaker 64 Like he almost broke golf when he's winning like a U.S.

Speaker 59 Open by 10 strokes that you're now no longer being like, there's no one else to root for against Tiger.

Speaker 28 It's just Tiger against the game of golf almost.

Speaker 19 He transcended at that point where it's like,

Speaker 20 can someone

Speaker 78 master the sport that is impossible to master?

Speaker 69 And he got the closest ever.

Speaker 64 And probably no one will ever get as close as he did.

Speaker 67 You know, the Tiger Slam and just beating people.

Speaker 87 Like, it's unheard of to beat people by that many strokes in those type of tournaments that I think it becomes like everyone just wants to root for him because you, in the moment, are saying, we're witnessing something we may never see again.

Speaker 92 Right. No, I think that's a good take.
I mean, I think both of those things are part of it for sure. And yes, I like that idea.

Speaker 92 Like, you were rooting to see things that you never had seen before and hadn't seen before and may never see again.

Speaker 76 It's kind of like Steph Curry right now.

Speaker 64 Like, Steph Curry, you know, people obviously had Warriors fatigue, but when Steph Curry gets going and he he hits, you know, 10, 11 threes in a game, you're like, holy shit, this is we're witnessing something that's totally different than everything else, and no one's even close to as good of a shooter as he is.

Speaker 92 Yeah, that's that's interesting because I never

Speaker 92 really got, and maybe I was missing something.

Speaker 92 I never really got the Warriors' hate, and that's actually a good call because I don't know, I felt like their basketball at its pure, when they were rolling, was just such pure,

Speaker 92 fundamental, great basketball coupled with an amazing shooter that maybe we've never seen before.

Speaker 64 Yeah, two top 10 shooters with Clay.

Speaker 62 That was Kevin Durant.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so when Kevin Durant joined the team, then I think people were like, okay, we like this team when it was the Splash Brothers, when it was Draymond, and they were kind of like a homegrown team.

Speaker 2 Kevin Durant goes out there, and then at that point, it was like,

Speaker 2 now this is just unfair. Like, no other team really has a chance.

Speaker 2 Whereas you might run it, you might catch, you know, lightning in a bottle, and Clay and Steph would go, you know, they'd shoot like 25% on

Speaker 2 a single night, and you might be able to beat them.

Speaker 2 Their shots actually, you know, who had a better shot than them was you at the end of that one episode, the basketball episode, when you just went out there and you were wet. You were fucking wet.

Speaker 2 Are you like, you're a good basketball player? I assume you were probably the best basketball player on the set.

Speaker 92 I mean, I would say yes. John Krasinski might argue with me on that, but that's really how that started was

Speaker 92 we were we were children. You give a chill, a child a ball and what do they do? They bounce it and they shoot it.
So we're like on a professional television set, like trying to get work done.

Speaker 92 And it was like cut and he and I would just start bouncing the ball, shooting the ball. And it was really that that that moment was not scripted that everybody sort of realized that I could shoot.

Speaker 92 And it was sort of like, oh, hey, this would be funny. At the end, when everybody's walking off, they decided to turn the camera on me.
And yeah, and by the way, you got to check the tape on the DVD.

Speaker 92 It was 13 in a row from Free Throw Line Extended. I'm

Speaker 92 in a suit jacket and

Speaker 92 work shoes.

Speaker 75 That's actually, that's very impressive.

Speaker 47 That's very, very impressive.

Speaker 61 So

Speaker 20 let's definitely talk a little office.

Speaker 40 I want to go back to the sports after because it is, like I said, a little rare that we have an actor who comes on who's a huge sports fan.

Speaker 20 The office, everyone loves it.

Speaker 36 It's, I mean, one of the funniest shows ever.

Speaker 20 Was there a moment?

Speaker 46 I'm always curious about the moment that everyone collectively says, holy shit, we got like, this is something.

Speaker 19 Like

Speaker 11 the genius moment, the light bulb moment for a bunch of very funny people to be like, oh yeah, this is going to be incredible.

Speaker 92 You know, I'll give you,

Speaker 92 I'll answer that in two ways. One is that the

Speaker 92 and for people who are fans of the show, they're letting go like, holy shit, like that was the second episode. But the second episode of the show that we shot was Diversity Day,

Speaker 92 which

Speaker 92 maybe was one of our best.

Speaker 92 And, you know, when we were on set, I remember, like, I remember so specifically thinking, wow, I don't know if people are going to watch this show because it was so different.

Speaker 92 There was no laugh track at the time. We all didn't look like the cast of friends.

Speaker 92 You know, there was all this happening, but I was like, man, if people give this show a chance, we have a chance because we're talking about like real things in a funny, different way that's not done on television, period.

Speaker 92 So that was for me, like creatively, I was like, okay, this is like, this could be really good.

Speaker 92 But

Speaker 92 the moment I would say was the

Speaker 92 very first Christmas episode that we did in season two, it was the Yankee swap and the iPod and all this stuff. And

Speaker 92 it was a big ensemble episode, like every single character had something to do. And that episode, you know, we woke up the next day and 10 million people had watched it at that time on that night.

Speaker 92 It was the first time we'd gone over, and it was like,

Speaker 92 oh, oh, oh, this is like, oh, okay. And we were struggling so much in the ratings up to that point that it was sort of like, oh, you know, I hope we can finish the season out.

Speaker 92 Cause at that point, we weren't, that was not guaranteed. And then suddenly it was like, oh, we're going to, we're going to be around for a while.

Speaker 62 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like a decade. You brought up an interesting point and one that's kind of always fascinated me, which is the laugh track.
The laugh track in American television.

Speaker 2 So it's one of these things where we just have agreed to not talk about it enough because it's just in the background of every comedy show, every sitcom.

Speaker 2 And when you guys are making The Office, there's no laugh track. It's shot handheld.
It looks different. It sounds different.

Speaker 2 Was there any pushback from people at ESPN that you heard about, or excuse me, at NBC that you heard about that were saying, like, hey, how are people going to know when they should laugh?

Speaker 2 How are people going to know what's funny if they don't have, you know, 200 people laughing along with them?

Speaker 92 Oh, 100%.

Speaker 92 And, you know, it's really interesting that

Speaker 92 for this podcast, I'm doing the Office Deep Dive, one of the conversations I have, which is sort of like,

Speaker 92 I was worried, like, is anyone going to care about this guy? Like, why do they want to hear from him?

Speaker 92 They want to hear from Steve Carell and all that, which we talked to, but Kevin Riley, who was the head of NBC at the time and was kind of the person who championed the show and made sure it stayed on the air when a lot of people at NBC didn't want it on the air.

Speaker 92 It tested, he said, like, you know, they do this testing. They shoot the pilot.
They show it to people and they're like, should we do this show? And it got like a zero.

Speaker 92 like no like all of the rooms like no everyone said like no no no and he was like okay thank you okay thank you and then there was one room he told the story story. I had not heard the story before.

Speaker 92 There was one room at the end, pretty large room of people, larger than the other rooms, which were

Speaker 92 the assistants, the like

Speaker 92 assistants of other executives, the interns, like all of the young people. And he walked in and said, So, what did you guys think? And their response: this is almost a direct quote from him, was

Speaker 92 not only is this the best thing that you have shown today, it's kind of the only thing that's even currently on the network that we would even watch and we love it.

Speaker 92 And he shut the door and was like, thank you very much, walked out and he was like, we're doing, we're doing this show because it has such a different, I always call it kind of subversive sensibility that, that kind of applies to a younger audience.

Speaker 93 Yeah.

Speaker 44 And it's interesting to think about the office and the time and place because you, the office is a show that if it were today

Speaker 12 with the streaming platforms, it would be an instant hit, I feel like, because people would just be like, oh, you have to watch this.

Speaker 28 You guys were, you know, it's crazy to even say, but there was a time and place that you watched it.

Speaker 6 Obviously, DVR existed, but I remember sitting down, watching it, being like, oh, the office is on tonight.

Speaker 18 Was it Thursday nights, I think?

Speaker 24 Right.

Speaker 18 Thursday nights.

Speaker 14 And it was like, all right, we're going to watch The Office tonight.

Speaker 11 So it is funny to think about like you guys surviving that transition in TV, like where there's, you know, TV used to be that appointment television sit down and you have to make a conscious decision.

Speaker 31 Now it's a lot more passive.

Speaker 15 You just watch funny shit all the time.

Speaker 92 Right. And, you know,

Speaker 92 I think that's how a lot of hits are made now too, right? Like social media, memes, all of that.

Speaker 92 Like when a show starts getting talked about and a lot of the streaming stuff, at least for a long time, was kind of a secret, like who's watching, but it sort of became anecdotal.

Speaker 92 And I think one of the things that we, we, again, that we talk about is that, you know, it was this whole antiquated nielsen rating system which nobody really understands but nielsen rating and they say like 10 million people are watching right what that means is a certain percentage of people who were given boxes that they put on top of their tv that they record what they're watching were watching it and i always said even back in the day again just from walking around being around colleges or like whatever is like

Speaker 92 a college college kids are not given a nielsen box right right like what was what's happening and you know hearing like oh yeah we watch it in our dorms we blah blah blah it's like none of that was being recorded and I feel like well I know what happened was the that same Christmas that that Christmas episode came out that we were referring to and it featured a video iPod think about that that was the very first video iPod I mean that was the first time you could watch something and put it in your pocket and pull it out

Speaker 92 and they uh they made a deal to put The Office on that, and it was immediately the number one show

Speaker 24 there.

Speaker 92 And that was,

Speaker 92 again, that was another where it was like, whoa, like, okay, yeah, people are watching this that are not necessarily being recorded.

Speaker 31 You're absolutely right.

Speaker 95 I mean, we're both 36, so I remember watching it with all my roommates in college, like finding out about The Office in college, being like, holy shit, this show is totally different and hilarious.

Speaker 92 Right.

Speaker 2 So I think it was also like a big illegally streamed or download like LimeWire.

Speaker 26 Remember,

Speaker 2 LimeWire, Family Guy, Heather Brooke. Those were like the big three of anybody that had a dorm room.
And so there was a lot of stuff that

Speaker 2 didn't get tracked, like you said, by the Nielsen boxes. I'm really glad that it stuck around for a while because, you know, obviously it's probably.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to say my favorite comedy that I've ever seen on television. It was, you know what we should do?

Speaker 2 So Mel Kuiper, the draft analyst,

Speaker 2 he watches his old shows. He has them on DVD.
He'll watch like Dallas on Friday nights at 8 when it used to air. We should just as a nation say Thursday nights, what, 8 o'clock?

Speaker 2 Thursday nights at 8 o'clock.

Speaker 56 We're all sitting down there.

Speaker 39 9 o'clock. 9 o'clock.

Speaker 2 We're all sitting down watching The Office together.

Speaker 49 Yeah, at the same time.

Speaker 2 We don't do stuff together as a country anymore. I think that would be helpful.

Speaker 92 I think that is a very good idea.

Speaker 92 Two things based on what you just said. One, that's a phenomenal idea.
And two, you owe me some money because you downloaded illegally on LimeWire.

Speaker 37 Yeah, I owe you a lot.

Speaker 37 Yeah, yeah, I absolutely want to legally.

Speaker 2 You mentioned the memes.

Speaker 2 There's one of the all-time most incredible gifts is Kevin Spilling the Chili. Yes.
When you spilled the chili,

Speaker 2 I've always wondered how long it actually took to clean up that mess and if they just redid the carpet after that, because you can't get chili out of a carpet.

Speaker 92 So,

Speaker 92 by the way,

Speaker 92 first time anyone has ever thought or considered that. So

Speaker 92 very well done.

Speaker 92 You know, we did a lot of prep for this scene. Obviously, it was going to be messy.

Speaker 92 And I got kind of pulled aside. Again, I remember really specifically from the set decorator and the props department.

Speaker 92 And, you know, sometimes like during a sporting event, like a certain, there'll be a little huddle where the head coach may not be listening or whatever. And they came to me and they were like, hey,

Speaker 92 so we have

Speaker 92 three gigantic gigantic pieces of carpet. And when I say gigantic piece of carpet, I mean from the front entryway around the reception desk, all the way, like a humongous piece of carpet.

Speaker 92 They're like, We could only get three,

Speaker 92 so you got to help us out. Like, we have to do this in three takes, or we're like, we're dead, like, there's nothing to be done.
Um,

Speaker 92 as I, I, I got it in one, thankfully,

Speaker 92 one take,

Speaker 24 but I

Speaker 92 don't, what they didn't really consider was cleaning me.

Speaker 24 Like, I don't, there wasn't three of me.

Speaker 92 I really don't think I could have, I could, I could have gone again. That's what, that's what she said.
I, um, I don't think, yeah, I mean, it was, it was a huge mess.

Speaker 11 It was, I mean, it's, it is an iconic scene and one that, like, if you show it to anyone, they will laugh.

Speaker 21 Anyone watches that scene and they will laugh.

Speaker 20 That's got to feel pretty good to be like, you know, you're not the main character, but I, you know, you have one of the best scenes of all time in the office.

Speaker 95 You, you, you should get like, actually, how is that not an NFT?

Speaker 20 You need to make millions off of that.

Speaker 92 I don't know. Who knows? Maybe it will be.

Speaker 26 There we go.

Speaker 26 Maybe.

Speaker 9 Probably have it ready to go.

Speaker 24 Maybe it will be.

Speaker 92 I, yeah, I don't know. I think that I never imagined, obviously.
I mean, you're in the middle of, you know, shooting 10 years and it was one moment. And it was such a different kind of a thing.

Speaker 92 Just me played mostly in like voiceover style. Like, the style was even a little funky and different.
And

Speaker 92 certainly, I knew it was fun, and it was kind of a fun challenge. I never imagined that it would be what it has become now.

Speaker 88 Yeah,

Speaker 11 and yeah, it's one of my favorites as well.

Speaker 21 Um, who is the guy, who is the person, uh, male or female, who made everyone laugh the most like on set

Speaker 40 when the cameras are not rolling?

Speaker 92 Oh, when the cameras were not rolling. I'll tell you, I think,

Speaker 92 well,

Speaker 92 I mean, look,

Speaker 92 that's a great question. Well, one, I would say that pound for pound, Oscar Nunez might be the funniest person on the planet.
Okay. At least to me personally.
Like he is.

Speaker 92 I called him in his introduction for the podcast. He's like a chameleon.

Speaker 92 And what I mean is, it's like,

Speaker 92 most people sort of have a style. They're like Farley or they're Deadpan or they're whatever.
He does it all and just knows exactly which direction to go. He's hilarious.

Speaker 92 But I'm, and, and Steve Corell,

Speaker 92 I believe, is the greatest improviser maybe in the history of entertainment. I mean, he just, he,

Speaker 92 anytime he improvises, it's always on topic. It's always super smart in character to the point, you know, never veers in a weird direction.

Speaker 92 It's funny, you brought up family guy, right? Like family guy, family guy

Speaker 92 could be really, really funny, right? But so much of their funny is like, well, that reminds me of the time that this happened, which is totally off story.

Speaker 92 And they go into a weird like flashback thing and come back.

Speaker 92 That's way easier than like staying right and keep telling the right story and doing that but it's funny steve like when the cameras weren't rolling he was very not that way really and i always felt like it was

Speaker 92 i described him again in one of the interviews for the podcast almost like not intentionally and i don't mean this in a in a derogatory way but kind of like absent-minded professory

Speaker 92 like you know like you know like read you're going through rehearsal and he's kind of got his papers and he's like you know reading through and nothing nothing is there and i always took it thought that it was about

Speaker 92 he didn't want to reveal anything that he was doing because when the cameras rolled i believed he was trying in every moment to make somebody else laugh i love

Speaker 92 he was trying to keep it right on this line where he didn't want you to laugh to ruin a take, but he wanted you to laugh.

Speaker 92 And he didn't want to reveal anything that he was going to do before the cameras were rolling.

Speaker 88 That's great.

Speaker 15 That's that, I mean, that's genius because that also, I mean, that, that right there sums up his entire character where he's always on the line of like, what is like, it's, he's really dumb, but he's also a genius and it all just worked.

Speaker 93 Right.

Speaker 92 Well, I mean, like the biggest and what's become the most famous example, which seems like totally crazy, and I don't know how big of fans of the show, but to those of you who are, the gay witch hunt episode where he finds out that that Oscar's character is gay and he decides he's going to be as woke as he possibly can be.

Speaker 92 And what he decides to do is to kiss Oscar in this moment. That was totally improvised.
That wasn't scripted.

Speaker 92 So we're all sitting, we're all sitting there as he is like trying to get up the courage to kiss him.

Speaker 92 And that was all.

Speaker 92 So in that moment. We really were like characters in the office going like, is he about to,

Speaker 92 can he do that is that wait a sec it was like and that's that's just one example of many but yeah

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Speaker 2 There's always the rumors about

Speaker 2 a reunion of sorts, and now it's on Peacock. Obviously, people are talking about it a little bit more.
It's actually, this is a great timing with the show. because Greg Daniels just did an interview.

Speaker 2 It just hit Twitter. They said that you guys do have something planned and that you guys are going to be getting together and it's going to be something to watch.
So

Speaker 2 what are your thoughts on that? Are you excited to get back into this or what?

Speaker 92 Oh, wait a second.

Speaker 92 You know what this feels like?

Speaker 92 Do I pick up my phone and check Twitter right now?

Speaker 56 That is very rude in the middle of an interview.

Speaker 92 Greg Daniels just, oh, it just came out on Twitter.

Speaker 51 It's weird.

Speaker 34 You can if you want to look.

Speaker 92 Tom Brady's going to to Redskins. Or I'm sorry, the Washington football team.

Speaker 62 The Washington football team. Thank you.

Speaker 44 You can look. You don't believe us?

Speaker 92 No, no, no. I'm kidding.

Speaker 92 Well, I'll answer how I would have answered without you giving me that information.

Speaker 92 I believe that

Speaker 92 we will get back together again.

Speaker 92 I think the problem is, and I'll sort of talk this through with you,

Speaker 92 is that I think what people expect or want when they say they want the office to come back is they want more episodes of what the show was. And as I always say to people,

Speaker 92 that's a very confusing and complicated idea, right? Because, like, if you recall, at the end of the office, Stanley's in Florida, Kevin was fired and is now running a bar, Jim and Pam live in Austin,

Speaker 92 Dwight and Angela are married,

Speaker 92 you know, Steve

Speaker 92 Michael Scott is in Colorado. Like, it kind of wasn't the same by the end.
And so, how, how do you go back to that? You know, and I, and I, so I think that's the confusing thing.

Speaker 92 Although what I also say is they brought back Roseanne and John Goodman's character was literally dead in the first incarnation.

Speaker 100 So, I, anything is possible, I suppose.

Speaker 92 But, you know, I think that there, I can envision a situation where

Speaker 92 where, yes, we are reunited in some way.

Speaker 2 It seems like it'd be, you're right. People are, they want it, they want old episodes of The Office to just continue to be made, and that's hard for a lot of reasons.

Speaker 2 Like you said, with the characters, also the production staff, the people who are writers, a lot of those people are off doing other things where they're in charge of certain projects and stuff.

Speaker 2 So it's not going to be the exact same group. And as much as I would like to see it,

Speaker 2 there are going to be people that are going to be mad about it just because it's not season three of The Office, which is more about where they were in life at the time that they watched it, that they hold that, like, that certain memory about it.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I do want to see come back, but I also understand why

Speaker 2 it might be tough and why some people might not want to do it.

Speaker 92 Well, you know, it's interesting that what Greg Daniels always said,

Speaker 92 right, like,

Speaker 92 and this to me is, is,

Speaker 92 the, is the beauty of how the show ended, that we decided to end it. It wasn't like canceled.
And

Speaker 92 that, that, from the very beginning, his idea was we're shooting a documentary, right?

Speaker 92 The documentary crew is shooting a paper company, and that at some point that documentary has to be revealed, then like that has to go out into the world. But

Speaker 92 when that does, much like reality television, right?

Speaker 92 that changes the people who are subjects of that documentary.

Speaker 92 So, like, all of the characters have to, once Kevin sees himself on television and how he has been edited he then has to behave differently than he does before that time and so his idea always was he wants to do it but once that happens then the show as we knew it before no longer exists yeah that that was what he said just an idea you can take it or leave it uh a documentary that follows you creed and andy buckley david wallace around and you guys start a band together

Speaker 92 i'm i'm in those

Speaker 92 Both of those are fantastic guys and great. That would be a lot, a lot of fun.

Speaker 78 That would be fun.

Speaker 9 Andy Buckley's a long, he's like one of our fifth guests, maybe like six years ago.

Speaker 69 So he's the best.

Speaker 37 He's a psycho.

Speaker 63 He's a total psycho.

Speaker 62 Total psycho.

Speaker 56 He's a total psycho.

Speaker 20 So I don't have this take, but people in our office do, at least just one person, says that they made your character too dumb at the end of the office.

Speaker 20 I disagree, but was was that a conscious decision or just happened naturally?

Speaker 92 You know, I think that

Speaker 92 I think that there certainly was a progression of

Speaker 92 Kevin and what happened. I think a part of that is, you know,

Speaker 92 from the beginning of the show,

Speaker 92 where the writers kind of wanted to take it, where I took it based on what the writers were giving me giving me.

Speaker 92 You know, that certainly happened.

Speaker 92 I had this very nerdy, I mean, this is way too nerdy a topic for your show, but my sort of weird actor justification for some of that was that when the camera crew showed up at the office,

Speaker 92 Kevin was very, very uncomfortable

Speaker 92 and so was way more reserved.

Speaker 92 And then as he became more comfortable with them being around, more of his true self came out. That's real actor, deep nerd shit.

Speaker 2 I like that. Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 92 But that was that was what I did for myself in order to sort of go where they went. I think to answer that specific comment by the co-worker, um,

Speaker 92 I know that once,

Speaker 92 um,

Speaker 92 I mean, this is not exclusively true, right? But like, in order of dumb, stupid comedy, of physical comedy, it kind of went Michael Scott and Dwight Schroot and Kevin.

Speaker 92 And so I know that consciously, once Michael left,

Speaker 92 they

Speaker 92 leaned on Kevin to do a lot more or

Speaker 92 extend the physical comedy that he was doing because Michael was no longer there, if that makes sense.

Speaker 56 That makes perfect sense.

Speaker 88 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 18 Again, I wasn't the one who had the take.

Speaker 8 Brandon Walker did.

Speaker 26 Yeah, no, no, no, but that

Speaker 92 was that that was a that was that was that was discussed.

Speaker 92 Yeah, and at times I would go to the writer's room, I would get a scene or something and be like, guys, I know some of you have written for The Simpsons, but I'm not actually Homer Simpson.

Speaker 92 Like, there are, there are physical limitations to my body that a cartoon you don't have to worry about. So, like, let's keep that in mind.

Speaker 9 Yeah, right.

Speaker 56 Yes.

Speaker 87 Um, all right, back to sports for a second.

Speaker 83 If I said to you, you're, I assume you're a huge football football fan.

Speaker 92 Yes.

Speaker 71 If I said to you,

Speaker 67 your team had the, what's your team?

Speaker 102 The Green Bay Packers.

Speaker 20 Okay, so hypothetically, let's say the Green Bay Packers had what some would say is the best quarterback in the NFL for a decade plus three MVPs.

Speaker 64 How many Super Bowls do you think they would have?

Speaker 92 Who was their coach over those 10 years?

Speaker 78 It doesn't matter. It's about the quarterback, right?

Speaker 55 I'm sorry, what was the question?

Speaker 73 How many Super Bowls would they have?

Speaker 20 They would, I mean, they had the best quarterback, a lot of people are saying,

Speaker 46 who might retire to do Jeopardy full-time?

Speaker 62 If they had that guy, right, hypothetically, they should certainly win more than one Super Bowl, right?

Speaker 92 I think that a lot of things

Speaker 92 go in. I mean, obviously, I mean, this is like the dumbest sports take of all time, but, you know,

Speaker 92 you have to be great, and you also have to catch some breaks.

Speaker 46 Oh, like Jay Cutler hurting his knee break.

Speaker 66 Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 75 So it's actually zero Super Bowls.

Speaker 2 Wait, are you saying that Aaron Rodgers would not have a Super Bowl were it not for Jay Cutler?

Speaker 45 Jay Cutler's knee.

Speaker 26 Yeah, right, exactly.

Speaker 18 So you did catch that break.

Speaker 75 I'm a Bears fan, by the way, so I just hate you

Speaker 30 for this.

Speaker 85 And

Speaker 43 I like there's all I have left.

Speaker 69 I know how desperate I sound. I know how stupid I sound.

Speaker 92 It's very desperate.

Speaker 54 Oh, it's incredibly desperate.

Speaker 75 But I still, I have to, I have to put on a brave face, okay?

Speaker 92 Who's going to be your quarterback this year, by the way?

Speaker 78 AD14.

Speaker 69 Ever heard of him?

Speaker 92 He's a super nice guy.

Speaker 50 He's a great guy.

Speaker 62 Fuck you.

Speaker 49 Fuck you.

Speaker 92 He's a great. He's a great, great guy.

Speaker 85 I really like him a lot.

Speaker 92 Yeah, I mean, I don't know what. I don't know.
I mean,

Speaker 92 yeah,

Speaker 92 certainly, I wish, I thought last year they had a great, and they did. They had a great chance.

Speaker 85 Yeah.

Speaker 2 When are we going to air this? Do you know? Next week? Okay, next week. So the draft already happened.
Grade the Green Bay Packers draft.

Speaker 80 You guys picked another quarterback in the first round.

Speaker 91 Yeah, that was smart.

Speaker 92 Don't get me started. Yeah, that was not smart.

Speaker 2 We don't know that.

Speaker 92 I'll agree with you there.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 92 I'll go. There I will go with you.

Speaker 89 All right. Last question.

Speaker 48 It is actually the Rowback question.

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Speaker 81 And for our guests today, we'd like to gift you a ROBACK performance Q-zip on us.

Speaker 69 I feel like every time we talk to someone in Hollywood, they just don't have enough time to watch sports.

Speaker 81 Like, how you are a big sportsman.

Speaker 67 You clearly keep up with all of it.

Speaker 21 Is that a wrong assessment on my part?

Speaker 95 Because I feel like every time we talk to an actor and you ask, oh, do you like this?

Speaker 36 They'll have some very surface-level understanding of a sport and give you a line and be like, but

Speaker 5 you can clearly tell they don't watch NFL on Sundays.

Speaker 6 Like they don't clear their schedule for an NFL Sunday.

Speaker 24 Oh, I watch NFL on Sundays.

Speaker 49 Oh, I know you do.

Speaker 26 I know you do.

Speaker 92 No, so here,

Speaker 92 here's my theory. I didn't come up with this.
I think I heard it one time, but I've kind of taken it over as mine. Now, you guys don't necessarily count count now

Speaker 92 because now your business is sports. Okay.

Speaker 92 But for someone whose business is not one of these three things,

Speaker 92 the theory goes like this.

Speaker 92 Your brain only has the ability for one of, to, to,

Speaker 92 to not comprehend, but to retain one of three things.

Speaker 92 sports information,

Speaker 92 music information, or useless trivia.

Speaker 92 So, not if you're, if you're, because you're, you do this, so you might have another hobby, which might be the other thing, but basically, a person's brain can only do one of those three things.

Speaker 92 Trivia,

Speaker 92 forget it. Like, and music, I could almost, I can sing tunes of which I get about three words out of 20 correct.
Couldn't tell you who sang it or what the song is.

Speaker 92 I mean, you know, unless it's like a standard that I happen to love. I'm terrible at that, but sports, that's my interest.
So, like, that's that's my distraction.

Speaker 92 And whether it's playing golf or watching sports, that's my distraction and my hobby.

Speaker 13 I think that's actually like, couldn't be more spot on.

Speaker 11 We have a trivia tournament coming up here at the Barcelona offices, and the two best players probably are a guy named KB and a guy named Kirk.

Speaker 10 And I think the reason why they are the best players is they don't really watch sports.

Speaker 20 So they just have so, I mean, they watch it, but they don't like, it's not an obsession.

Speaker 38 so they just have time to fill their brains with actual knowledge and like things that matter.

Speaker 20 Whereas, we have, you know, I mean, like, I always think I probably could have cured cancer if I didn't watch wrestling as a kid.

Speaker 36 Like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 47 Like, my, so much of my brain power was kept up with just like who is Stone Cold gonna stun tonight that I wasted so, so many brain cells on that that I'm always gonna be behind, right?

Speaker 92 And, like, I, yeah, no, that's exactly right. And like, I can go, I can't tell you the songs that I should totally know, but I can basically tell you,

Speaker 92 excluding hockey, I would get foggy there. But like on the other sport, like I could tell you just divisions and all the teams that are in the divisions and kind of where they sit.

Speaker 92 Maybe not exactly right now. Baseball just started.
But yeah, that's just, I, I just, that it's, that's where my distraction lies.

Speaker 2 So Big Ad mentioned that you're in Hollywood. Are you actually in Hollywood? I just always assume that if I've ever seen anybody on a TV show or on a big screen, that they currently live in Hollywood.

Speaker 94 How does that work?

Speaker 92 I do not anymore. I moved away a little bit.
So I'm down in Southern California, but I am not in Los Angeles.

Speaker 62 No, that's Hollywood.

Speaker 2 Southern California is Hollywood?

Speaker 54 I think so.

Speaker 2 I think if you're in Showbiz and you're below San Francisco, you're in Hollywood.

Speaker 69 You live, what, an hour away from Hollywood?

Speaker 24 A couple hours.

Speaker 63 A couple hours.

Speaker 19 You live in Mexico? What's going on here?

Speaker 92 No, more down towards San Diego.

Speaker 69 Okay, so San Diego is Hollywood still.

Speaker 24 It's like...

Speaker 92 No, you're no, you're that's that is no, that's crazy.

Speaker 37 You're right, it's nation.

Speaker 92 No, that's like saying Westchester is New York City or Connecticut is New York City.

Speaker 75 Well, you could get, if someone was like, hey, if your agent calls like, hey, we need you to read for this, you could, you don't have to book a flight.

Speaker 59 You're in Hollywood.

Speaker 69 Gotcha.

Speaker 69 Gotcha.

Speaker 84 What did you take?

Speaker 2 The 405 with this with this animosity, he strikes me as a Temecula guy.

Speaker 62 Oh, okay.

Speaker 92 I'm not in Temecula, I promise you.

Speaker 85 No.

Speaker 43 Do you have any other sports hot takes for us?

Speaker 11 You want to get off your chest?

Speaker 17 Because we'll grade them for you.

Speaker 92 You'll grade my hot takes.

Speaker 20 Yeah, we have the dumbest takes of all time on this show.

Speaker 67 Basically, the show is built on being idiots who love sports.

Speaker 2 Grade, we mean we'll steal them and pass them off as our own.

Speaker 92 I don't know.

Speaker 92 I mean, the draft is coming up. I think all this stuff with San Francisco is really interesting and also,

Speaker 92 depending on where you sit on the conspiracy theory lines, all very bizarre.

Speaker 24 Go on.

Speaker 75 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you mean by conspiracy theory lines? No.

Speaker 62 Well.

Speaker 60 No, I

Speaker 92 San Francisco,

Speaker 92 since the new regime came in, you kind of, like everything they've done has been very secretive. It's all sort of come out of

Speaker 92 been a surprise. And now

Speaker 92 I don't know if they're really going to take him with a third pick.

Speaker 18 Who, Mac Jones?

Speaker 2 You think they're going to take Fields or Trey Lance?

Speaker 92 I don't know if they're going to draft a quarterback.

Speaker 24 Oh,

Speaker 29 it sounds so dumb because we're going to run this next week, but I love it.

Speaker 26 Go on.

Speaker 50 Is it Kyle Pitts?

Speaker 24 I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 18 If you end up being right, we're going to cut this, by the way, so that we can't have our guests look good.

Speaker 92 By the way, I'm not saying, I just, the whole thing is very odd to me and i think that people i think they're it's a very

Speaker 71 it's just a very weird situation because they haven't lost a ton from two years ago and they were really really hurt last year um they're just not that far away so i don't i don't know the nfl is the one league where there are there's clearly people who are nervous about their secrets being stolen and and all that stuff but there also is a lot of franchises that put on a front who are like doing things to try to like dupe people and it's like we it's not that hard i you know you're gonna take a quarterback probably you're gonna take a quarterback that you like but they love this smoke screen and like you know having everyone think one thing and then they do another it's like yeah it'd be very figured out if they took if the jets like straight up took mac jones number two overall after smokescreening zach wilson this entire time that would be a big-time jets move like we're outsmarting everyone like oh shit we can't let this happen.

Speaker 2 Kyle Shanahan sees something we're close. Yeah, they're nervous because the 49ers are right behind him.

Speaker 49 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It'd be funny if Kyle Shanahan just straight up took a running back with the third overall.

Speaker 2 If he took, like, Najee Harris, number three overall.

Speaker 92 Anything is possible. I don't think that's going to happen, but anything is possible.

Speaker 24 Anything is possible.

Speaker 92 Except when you air this,

Speaker 85 nothing will be possible.

Speaker 57 Everything we say will be stupid.

Speaker 49 Yes.

Speaker 13 Brian, this has been awesome, though.

Speaker 46 We really appreciate it.

Speaker 14 Anytime you want to come on and talk sports, we'd love to have you.

Speaker 72 And yeah, we can't wait for the office reunion.

Speaker 37 Are you a gambling guy?

Speaker 92 Occasionally.

Speaker 2 Occasionally. You like to place a few bets?

Speaker 92 Occasionally.

Speaker 62 Okay, we can.

Speaker 81 Oh, actually,

Speaker 20 it was pointed out to me, it's not the same, but your Twitter - what does it say on your Twitter?

Speaker 72 Life's Too Short to Be Unhappy.

Speaker 75 Is that right?

Speaker 24 That sounds right. I don't know.

Speaker 75 My saying is life's too short to bet the under.

Speaker 45 So, similar, similar vibe.

Speaker 70 Because I am unhappy whenever i bet the under because it's just a miserable experience it's it's miserable you're right yeah i call it i call them movie unders if i really love an under i'll go see a movie i'll bet the under and i'll go see a movie because i don't want to watch the game

Speaker 92 that's a break i know i know especially in

Speaker 24 basketball

Speaker 12 too yeah no see yeah you should like you're like oh especially in basketball in football and also baseball and hockey and soccer yeah the under sucks but you know what the people who bet unders always win, so I fucking hate them.

Speaker 92 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 24 Contrarians.

Speaker 92 Smarter people than me.

Speaker 69 Yes.

Speaker 15 Well, thank you so much.

Speaker 40 Really appreciate it, man.

Speaker 6 This has been awesome. And seriously, anytime you want to come back on, we'd love to have you.

Speaker 92 Thanks, you guys. I appreciate it.

Speaker 103 Man, I'll tell you what. When you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts.

Speaker 103 That's where Snickers comes in, man. That thing is packed.
Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk chocolate. It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 103 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this.
Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 103 Snickers satisfies, man.

Speaker 92 That's a winning play.

Speaker 71 Okay, let's wrap up the show with some listener FAQs.

Speaker 17 I love these FAQs.

Speaker 35 I like the change up.

Speaker 31 I've enjoyed talking to the fans.

Speaker 60 Who owns Wi-Fi? Is it just out there?

Speaker 60 And anybody can have it if they can find it? Does the government own it?

Speaker 69 Melinda Gates. God.

Speaker 9 Now,

Speaker 90 after the divorce.

Speaker 2 Does that mean it's just God?

Speaker 60 The price will go up because Bill needs some cash.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 The only explanation behind Wi-Fi is that just, like, it doesn't, it's the only thing on earth that can't be owned.

Speaker 2 It's not meant to be tamed.

Speaker 71 Yeah, this is one of those things, like, thinking about

Speaker 21 Wi-Fi and the internet truly blows my mind, so I just don't do it.

Speaker 65 Is there an off-switch?

Speaker 2 I don't think that there's an off-switch for the internet.

Speaker 21 In House of Cards, there was.

Speaker 5 Remember, they jammed it all up?

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, magnets always work. Electromagnetic pulses tend to work.

Speaker 60 I think we took out all the satellites in space. Shot off.
Do you want to take down Wi-Fi?

Speaker 2 No, you're talking about 5G.

Speaker 2 I'm talking about the cables and shit that go underneath the ocean.

Speaker 93 But those all get rot beamed up as well.

Speaker 2 Godzilla could probably take them out. Damn.

Speaker 69 A gnarly earthquake feels like it would have some problems with Wi-Fi.

Speaker 60 But then you got satellites.

Speaker 60 PMTFAQ. Seeing as it's a place where guys can be dudes, how messy is a studio on an average day?

Speaker 93 Does it smell in there?

Speaker 33 It actually doesn't smell.

Speaker 89 It's pretty messy.

Speaker 2 It's just messy. The only time it smells is when if somebody spills water right underneath the bench press because that's where a pumpkin squash exploded last year.

Speaker 2 And so when water gets in there and starts to evaporate, it brings a smell out with it. I still have no idea how that squash.

Speaker 60 I would say that right now it's pretty clean. It is.
I consider clean on whether or not if someone was visiting, I'd

Speaker 60 want to show them the room or if I would have secondhand embarrassment being like, oh, this is our studio. Right now, I'd be fine being like, this is the room.

Speaker 36 My clean threshold is.

Speaker 55 Our corner is disgusting.

Speaker 28 Can I move my chair six inches?

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 38 Right now it's yes.

Speaker 32 So if I can move my chair any direction in six inches, that is incredibly clean.

Speaker 2 I would bring my dad in here, not my mom.

Speaker 34 Yeah, our pile.

Speaker 2 That's actually like Hank's starting to get comfortable.

Speaker 49 Hank's starting to get a little, uh,

Speaker 17 he's getting a little embarrassed about our pile.

Speaker 90 Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 60 Why? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's tough.
It's tough because it's myself. Like, I never.

Speaker 84 And we're going to sell it for charity.

Speaker 44 We always sell it for charity.

Speaker 55 And I'm going to mess with the promise. Yeah.

Speaker 49 Just charity.

Speaker 49 Charity, bro.

Speaker 83 A charity right in your fucking face.

Speaker 49 It's just gross.

Speaker 60 It just looks bad on pictures. It's just not.
It's just like

Speaker 26 small businesses.

Speaker 17 Oh, some people are going to, you know what?

Speaker 47 Hey, kids with cancer, why did you all die?

Speaker 15 Oh, because Hank didn't like the pictures.

Speaker 90 Yeah.

Speaker 60 Alright, so this is kind of a guys on chicks, but they put it in the FAQ text line, so we're going to read it.

Speaker 60 My friend's girlfriend broke up with him for two days and they got back together.

Speaker 60 The problem is that during those two days, the girlfriend tried to fuck the boyfriend's roommate, who is the boyfriend's best friend, I might add.

Speaker 60 The friend did not say anything to the boyfriend because he did not want to make it weird and ruin their friendship. Even though the friend and girlfriend did not actually do anything,

Speaker 60 double parentheses, for all we know.

Speaker 60 But now everyone in our friend group knows that his girlfriend tried to fuck his best friend/slash roommate, and he has text messages as evidence.

Speaker 60 Do we say anything to our friend or just let it go on? This is a real story, and I would love to hear what you guys have to say.

Speaker 93 Can't wait to listen to tomorrow's pod.

Speaker 2 Sounds like you guys are definitely keeping it wrapped up under tight lips. No one's going to talk about this.
You guys have like a mountain of evidence.

Speaker 2 You refer to it as evidence already, so I assume that that means that at some point someone's just like waiting for the right time to drop the bomb on me.

Speaker 60 Maybe just don't tell the person and then in a group text with them be like, yo, did you listen to today's PMT?

Speaker 51 I think with two days.

Speaker 60 I thought there was some interesting stuff there at the end.

Speaker 80 Two days of breaking up is just enough time to be like, well, she just kind of lost her mind for a couple days.

Speaker 59 Like that was, she wasn't thinking.

Speaker 29 You know what I mean? Like that wasn't, that was totally, it was just a prank kind of thing.

Speaker 33 Like if they had been broken up for two weeks and she

Speaker 32 sincerely pursued it, maybe she was getting drunk for two days straight and she just didn't have her wits about her.

Speaker 69 But I would not say a word ever about anything.

Speaker 75 I think the under any circumstances.

Speaker 2 The only other option is you just got to have an orgy, just get everybody involved and everyone.

Speaker 69 That too, that would work.

Speaker 60 How did the boys pull themselves out of a gambling slump?

Speaker 30 Usually,

Speaker 2 I'll just do what Hank does.

Speaker 93 Yeah, I was going to say,

Speaker 60 hit a money line underdog.

Speaker 26 Yeah, actually, doesn't matter how many times it takes you to hit it.

Speaker 55 Yeah, one eight.

Speaker 60 Once you hit a plus number, you're like, oh.

Speaker 5 1-800 gambler if you have a gambling problem.

Speaker 53 But to be totally honest, if you're in a gambling slump, taking a day or two off to clear your head will do wonders.

Speaker 62 Because essentially, it's like you just got to stop the losing so that you don't push, you don't press, and you're not thinking like, oh, I got to win my next bet.

Speaker 33 You give yourself a day or two, a mental day, and then maybe dip your toe back in with one.

Speaker 70 Because then when you win one, you feel good about yourself.

Speaker 60 Responsibly, of course.

Speaker 49 Yeah.

Speaker 86 Well, that was the most responsible thing I've ever said in my life.

Speaker 84 For real.

Speaker 54 And I have a child.

Speaker 60 Speaking of child, big cat, I need your help with this. Uh-oh.
The other morning, I was waking my eight-year-old son up for school. My back is turned to the door, and I'm talking to my kid.

Speaker 60 I bend over to pick something up. My back is turned away.
And then, out of nowhere, my husband comes in with a super nerf gun fully loaded and shoots me right in the asshole.

Speaker 62 Point blank.

Speaker 60 FYI, the big nerf bullets, not the little ones. I'm not joking.
I get pissed and start screaming at him because he shot me. And he did it in front of our kid.

Speaker 60 Of course, my son starts laughing because he thinks it's awesome. And my husband can't stop laughing.

Speaker 60 My husband goes to work and tells all the guys, and he comes home saying that they all said you have to take the shot. We are still not in agreement with this.
What are your thoughts?

Speaker 60 Do you take the shot? From a girl's perspective, I just don't understand why.

Speaker 93 Please help.

Speaker 81 You have to take the shot, but then you have to get him back.

Speaker 44 Like, you have to buy the biggest nerf gun you can find.

Speaker 5 Like, one of those

Speaker 75 automatic ones that

Speaker 70 shoots like 50 nerf bullets in five seconds and just unload on him like in the shower or when he's in a compromised position.

Speaker 11 Maybe when he's sleeping on the couch watching like golf.

Speaker 80 You need to get him back and have your son watch.

Speaker 2 And have it be recorded. Yes.
And then, this is very important. You got him right in the nuts.
You got in the asshole.

Speaker 38 The nut shot will be way funnier it'll hurt him more and he won't have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining about it one of the greatest skills you can uh grow or have in life and it's i it's it's i still struggle with it i think everyone struggles with it is to have the presence of mind when like a prank goes against you to be like act cool because now i have carte blanche to get revenge.

Speaker 59 If you freak out, then everyone's like, oh, you made too big of a deal of it.

Speaker 21 If you can figure out a way in the moment, it's very hard to do.

Speaker 81 But when you can be like, all right, cool.

Speaker 77 You just fucking blasted me in my ass at 7 in the morning in front of our son.

Speaker 31 Now it's on, motherfucker.

Speaker 13 Because then if you act cool and then you respond in kind and he doesn't act cool, you're the cool parent forever.

Speaker 60 Hey, Bubba, you're so mysterious.

Speaker 2 What do you do all show?

Speaker 60 And what do you like to do in your free time besides order a ton of food and pass out before it gets there and sleep through your alarms? Hashtag getBubba a mic.

Speaker 2 A lot of map quest, right?

Speaker 102 I do have a microphone when people say that. I cut cameras live during the show and

Speaker 102 don't really feel like I need to talk during it most of the time, so I don't.

Speaker 2 Do you have a camera on you right now?

Speaker 102 No, there's not a camera.

Speaker 34 There's no camera.

Speaker 60 Hashtag get Bubba a cam.

Speaker 46 And every six months gets like way too lit.

Speaker 63 Bubba, go to Hank right now.

Speaker 26 That's actually not true.

Speaker 69 I did when I was like 22.

Speaker 82 True.

Speaker 26 When I found you in the sauna.

Speaker 31 When I found you in the sauna after the Super Bowl, that was a bad one.

Speaker 34 All right.

Speaker 26 Bubba,

Speaker 25 I want to test your reflexes.

Speaker 26 You were 21 years old. You were sleeping in the sauna.

Speaker 26 Yes, that's true.

Speaker 31 Sauna wasn't on because I think it had a timer, so it was on for the first two hours that you were asleep.

Speaker 63 Bubba, reflex time. All right?

Speaker 2 Go to Hank.

Speaker 94 Big cat.

Speaker 57 Yeah, I mean, this is.

Speaker 52 Bubba is an integral part

Speaker 2 of the show. All right.
I want to see what your reaction time was like.

Speaker 44 He puts up the YouTube.

Speaker 71 He does the clips. He's an integral part of the video.

Speaker 30 We have a YouTube channel.

Speaker 84 We have a YouTube channel.

Speaker 2 You should subscribe to it.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's only got like 225,000 followers that we just haven't haven't talked about, but let's talk about it.

Speaker 75 YouTube. We're going to start doing more stuff on YouTube.

Speaker 13 But yeah, Bubba does all that stuff.

Speaker 41 So

Speaker 31 he's definitely more important than some people who can't be named that aren't here this month.

Speaker 8 But he is a very integral part of our entire operation.

Speaker 86 And he fell asleep in a sauna once after the Super Bowl, but that's not a big deal.

Speaker 2 We're coming very close to saying with you over the course of this episode.

Speaker 37 Yeah, we are.

Speaker 82 Hey, Big Cat, PFT, Jake.

Speaker 60 Almost said it. Liam.
And Liam. It's Marcelo.
Would you consider doing another 24-hour stream for a grit week in the future? Yeah. So many great moments from the last one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but we'd have to do it differently. I'd only limit myself to like 21 beers instead of 24.

Speaker 81 I would actually love to do it again.

Speaker 11 I think it was fun.

Speaker 49 I mean, it was obviously a lot, but maybe we could do it.

Speaker 44 It would be nice if we could do it with sports on.

Speaker 60 Yeah, I was going to say, because we get 500,000 subscribers by tomorrow, we'll do it.

Speaker 38 No, let's say, no, let's give actually a real, let's give a real number.

Speaker 26 Are we at what? We're at 220

Speaker 52 if we get 500,000 subscribers by tomorrow.

Speaker 98 We'll do it tonight.

Speaker 26 Tonight, when you listen, when you're listening, yeah, when you're listening to that, no, no, let's give a real, let's do a real one.

Speaker 58 So, what are we at for real?

Speaker 75 227?

Speaker 2 Sure. So, let's get up to 500.
227. Let's get up to 500,000.

Speaker 86 No, no, I think if we get up to 500,000 subscribers by the time

Speaker 40 the NFL season kicks off, we will do a 24-hour grit stream during the NFL season.

Speaker 57 That seems fair.

Speaker 60 Maybe, no, let's do it. Let's do it like August 15th.
We'll do it before the NFL season. We don't want to do it during NFL season.

Speaker 2 When would we do it? We do it like Sunday morning through Monday?

Speaker 26 That's what I'm saying. I don't know the time we're going to do it.

Speaker 60 We do it to end the summer and then we start the season. NFL season is crazy.

Speaker 86 All right, so August 15th.

Speaker 60 And then we'll do it to end the summer and kick off NFL season. Got it.

Speaker 16 Okay. We'll do it for like a

Speaker 26 third of the

Speaker 58 first NFL game.

Speaker 16 On Thursday night.

Speaker 86 On thursday night yeah all right we'll do it starting like wednesday night and we'll stay up all night and then we'll watch the nfl game okay yeah all right so august 15th we need 500 000 i don't think we'll get there no i'm just gonna say it like i'll straight up say it you guys aren't gonna do it it's free to subscribe but people won't do it

Speaker 44 all you gotta do is hit the subscribe button but we will do a stream and you don't have to turn on alerts i'll throw this in there we will fly chill chilling with chows to come to our studio and paint a shitload of stuff during the stream as well all right bonk bonk which would be fucking awesome

Speaker 26 For a lot of reasons. Last one.

Speaker 57 Hey, Hank. What was the other reason?

Speaker 16 TFT cat and sweet Jake.

Speaker 82 I don't get it.

Speaker 60 When do you guys plan on covering the Division III NCAA Swimming Championship? More specifically, when do you plan to cover the ODAC conference?

Speaker 60 I'd be happy to come on the show and explain the dynamics of the conference.

Speaker 2 Sounds like you get in the water and then you go fast and then the winner.

Speaker 60 So when do you plan on covering the NCAA Division III swimming championship?

Speaker 75 Never is the question.

Speaker 18 We really need a new rival rival because handball is a bunch of fucking lamos.

Speaker 50 Handball is like handball thirsty.

Speaker 21 We made them relent, though.

Speaker 70 Like, they didn't even do anything.

Speaker 32 So I'll just say it.

Speaker 87 Swimming's not a real sport.

Speaker 2 Handball is.

Speaker 55 It's Olympics coming up. We can get that going.

Speaker 58 Swimming is not a real sport.

Speaker 25 This is a good time for that.

Speaker 56 It's a really good hobby.

Speaker 75 If you do it really fast,

Speaker 42 I'm not saying Michael Phelps isn't impressive. I'm saying swimming's not a sport.

Speaker 26 Swimming was impressive when the Olympics were invented in the 0-0s.

Speaker 50 I mean, just swim from sharks. It's not even a hobby.

Speaker 2 It's just a means of staying alive that you can be more efficient at.

Speaker 2 A really good swimmer, all they do is just not drown for a prolonged period of time.

Speaker 87 Correct. So not a sport.

Speaker 42 Maybe add sharks and we'll be cool with the shoes.

Speaker 2 I was actually saying that they should dye the pool different colors.

Speaker 90 That would be cool, too.

Speaker 2 Like, have a color rush pool. Like, a bright orange, neon pink pool.

Speaker 5 I'd be down for that.

Speaker 91 But yeah, as of right now.

Speaker 2 There should be a red zone in the pool where you can tell we're getting close.

Speaker 31 Swimming, not a sport.

Speaker 42 And I know what the response would be like, you guys couldn't even swim the fucking Jaguars pool.

Speaker 44 Yeah, I could.

Speaker 79 And two, I'm not saying that, like, I can do it.

Speaker 67 I'm just saying, not a sport.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying it's kind of fraudulent when you say, like, the best Olympic Olympian of all time is Michael Phelps.

Speaker 70 Right. That dude hits the bong on the rank.

Speaker 2 He just does laps and pools. Like, that's what my grandmother used to do to stay in shape.
Right. He just jazzer sizes for an extended period of time.
Yeah.

Speaker 33 When you go like on a vacation, you swim.

Speaker 2 Exactly. That's what I do as a relaxing activity.
That's what I do to get less sore from playing real sports.

Speaker 49 Yes.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 21 When I'm on my off day, I'm like, I need a low-impact exercise.

Speaker 50 This is right.

Speaker 25 No, you're right.

Speaker 26 No, you're right. You're right.
So

Speaker 2 it's easy to have joints after doing heavy lifting and Olympic lifting.

Speaker 26 I don't have on days, and I just said I swim on my off day. No, you're right.

Speaker 98 I've got the rankings for the D3 women's and men's swimming.

Speaker 26 You're right. Give it to us for now.

Speaker 39 If you don't know, let me guess.

Speaker 39 Men's or women's?

Speaker 9 Men's. Wheaton.
All right, men's.

Speaker 98 The number one team under the central region is Dennison.

Speaker 50 Fake school. Overrated.

Speaker 98 The West, Midwest, South region, all one, is Emery.

Speaker 16 You steroids.

Speaker 25 Okay.

Speaker 98 The number one seed in the Northeast North is MIT.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 58 How are you going to lose to MIT?

Speaker 55 Is that serious?

Speaker 98 The number one seed in the Northeast South region is Carnegie Mellon. Isn't that in the city?

Speaker 63 That's.

Speaker 20 Yeah, of course. No, wait, isn't that Pittsburgh?

Speaker 62 Carnegie Mellon.

Speaker 26 It's a bar.

Speaker 26 I think it's just a bar. Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh.

Speaker 39 I got it mixed up with Carnegie Mellon.

Speaker 26 Get it go. How do you know? RIP.

Speaker 16 All right, 41.

Speaker 30 I don't know why I know that.

Speaker 54 Why do I know that?

Speaker 9 That's pretty sick.

Speaker 84 What is Carnegie Mellon?

Speaker 50 Carnegie.

Speaker 2 Well, because Carnegie was the steel guy.

Speaker 31 That's right.

Speaker 2 That's why. So it's like Vanderbilt Railroads, Tennessee.
18. Carnegie Steel, Pittsburgh.

Speaker 52 Rockefeller, Gates. 8.
Divorces.

Speaker 50 99.

Speaker 32 71.

Speaker 2 71.

Speaker 2 Give an animal fact check.

Speaker 98 The orangutan is the only ape that inhabits Asia.

Speaker 39 Love you guys.

Speaker 39 anyway.

Speaker 24 Today's a poppy day to find me. Shy it away.

Speaker 85 So I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 85 Shy away.

Speaker 24 Oh, I've been coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 24 Bake

Speaker 24 on

Speaker 24 me,

Speaker 24 I'll be

Speaker 24 gone.

Speaker 24 Needless to say,

Speaker 24 I'm all set in my feet, stone away.

Speaker 24 Lovely learning that life is okay.

Speaker 24 Say after me.

Speaker 24 It's no better to be safe than sorry.

Speaker 24 Say after me.

Speaker 24 It's no better to be safe than sorry.

Speaker 24 Take

Speaker 24 on

Speaker 24 me.

Speaker 24 Take me

Speaker 24 on

Speaker 24 I'll be

Speaker 24 gone

Speaker 24 when I say I'll be

Speaker 24 hard things that you say

Speaker 24 and lazy little ill just to play my worries away.

Speaker 24 You're all things I've got to remember. Be shy and away.

Speaker 24 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 24 Be shy and away.

Speaker 24 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 24 Take on

Speaker 24 me.

Speaker 24 Take

Speaker 24 me

Speaker 24 on.

Speaker 24 I'll be gone

Speaker 24 in a day.

Speaker 24 of me,

Speaker 24 I'll be gone

Speaker 24 in a day.