Masters Recap, Scott Van Pelt, And Monday Reading

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, The Masters. Hideki Matsuyama, first

Speaker 1 champion from an Asian country, Japan has their green jacket. Awesome story.
And

Speaker 1 we have a full recap of the Masters. We have Scott Van Pelt from Augusta, as is a tradition unlike any other Scott Van Pelt calling us while he walks through the woods in Augusta, Georgia.

Speaker 1 We have Who's Back of the Week, and we have a Monday reading, a great Monday show for everyone, and we're brought to you by our friends, Ed.

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Speaker 4 Now in the streets, there is violence.

Speaker 4 And then I love some work to be done.

Speaker 4 No place to hang out on washing.

Speaker 4 And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 4 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 4 Oh, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 It's part of my tick.

Speaker 5 Welcome to part of my take, presented by Black Rifle.

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Speaker 1 Should be a coffee lover. Today is Monday, April 12th,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 I wanted to just point out, I'm not going to point fingers or anything, but I... I'm the only one wearing red for Tiger.

Speaker 7 I have red on me.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I thought we were

Speaker 1 Masters Sunday, and I

Speaker 1 was a big cat.

Speaker 1 It was a sneaky movie. It's not that sneaky.
I thought we all agreed. We texted the group.
We would wear red every single Sunday until Tiger is in another Masters.

Speaker 5 I think Tiger would have won this Masters, I'll be honest with you. I agree.

Speaker 5 So actually, when you said in the intro, the first Asian person to win a Masters tournament.

Speaker 5 From Asia. From Asia, yes.

Speaker 1 From Asia.

Speaker 5 It was actually a cool moment at the end

Speaker 5 when his caddy bowed to the chorus.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 6 Ultimate respect for Augusta.

Speaker 1 Oh, there we go. Hank now has his red on.
So welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 Hideki Matsuyama is your Masters Champion 2021.

Speaker 5 I'm wearing black for Prince Philip.

Speaker 1 There we go. Gone too soon? Respect.
Gone way too soon.

Speaker 1 But yeah,

Speaker 1 it was kind of a snoozer of a Masters. Very cool story in that Hideki Matsuyama is the first

Speaker 1 Asian-born player to win a Masters first time. Obviously, Japan, 85 years.

Speaker 1 The fact that like a guy has entire country, like hopes and dreams resting on his shoulders, I don't know how he fucking does it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like I think about like the pressure of these moments and then you add in that and it's like incredible and he won it somewhat easily.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so there was a moment on the first T where it was like, is the moment too big? Is he going to choke this way? Then he bailed himself out on that whole, I think he salvaged a bogey, right?

Speaker 5 But he was like way off in the woods on that first T-shot.

Speaker 1 That first T-shot was very relatable. Yes.
It was like you could tell. He's sitting there.
He has an unreal second, you know, back nine. We're golf guys.

Speaker 1 I was going to say second nine, but I meant back nine on Saturday. Since

Speaker 1 moving day, moving day, which a lot of people were confused what moving day is.

Speaker 5 No, moving day is a real thing.

Speaker 1 Yes. A lot of people thought it might be movie day, which it also kind of is, but it's moving day.

Speaker 1 He sits overnight with a four-stroke lead and then comes out and just totally biffs his drive. And it was a very relatable moment of like, you probably were thinking about this way too much, dude.

Speaker 5 It is fucked up that they make you tee off in front of everybody. Yes.
Like, that's got to be the nerves in that situation have to be bad. And then he almost choked it away on the back nine.
Yep.

Speaker 5 But then

Speaker 5 the second nine, Xander Softly bailed him out by choking harder than he choked.

Speaker 5 And it was, for like, maybe five seconds, it looked like we might have some competition going into the back three holes, holes, aim and corner, as we call it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but yeah, he pulled the last three innings.

Speaker 1 The last

Speaker 5 final third of the golf course. But yeah, I think, I mean, he played the best golf all week, and it was very cool to see.

Speaker 5 I'm actually very excited to see what the masters' dinner is going to be like next year.

Speaker 5 If I'm Hideki, I serve blowfish liver and let the chips fall where they may, maybe thin out the field a little bit. Holy shit.
See who gets poisoned.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be okay. I like that.
I like what you're thinking there.

Speaker 1 I also, so I was reading up about Hideki after he won.

Speaker 1 He's a notoriously private guy. So not a lot out there about him, but he was asked on Saturday, there was a 77-minute weather delay.

Speaker 1 And a reporter asked him what he did during it. And he said he sat in his car and looked at his cell phone.
So as far as I'm concerned, this guy is us. Awesome.
And I love him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like just getting lost in your cell phone instead of, you know, I don't know, stretching or keeping loose. He's just like, no, I'm going to, yeah, yeah, I'm going to check out some memes.

Speaker 1 I'm going to look at Twitter. Yeah.
Yeah, and then I'm going to hop back on the course.

Speaker 5 I did read one article about him. That's a lie.
I read two paragraphs of an article. That's good for you, dude.
And he loves

Speaker 5 the guy loves sake. That's his defining characteristic.

Speaker 1 So Rick Riley's tweet was okay.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Rick Riley really mailed that one in.

Speaker 5 Even by Rick Riley terms when he said,

Speaker 5 Hideki will never have to buy another sake in Tokyo. Yes.
It's like, yeah, okay, he's actually not from Tokyo. Yep.

Speaker 5 I think he's actually from a city called Matsuyama.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 5 They should just

Speaker 5 say that the city is now named after him. It is.
After he went. But

Speaker 5 Riley Mill. I don't know if that even counts as he pigeon-delivered that one in.

Speaker 1 No, he started that one out. He was already, he was sitting on the beach or he was sitting on

Speaker 1 what is it, Lake Cuomo? Yeah. Andrew Cuomo.
No. He was

Speaker 5 Italy. Riley didn't really care for that.
But I'll tell you what, we should also say the real winner of this master is Brooks Kepka competing on heroic warrior. He's been paralyzed, man.
Exactly.

Speaker 5 So, the fact he was even able to get out there and play two rounds of golf.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's impressive. There was a lot of discussion on Friday about our classification of Brooks as a hero.

Speaker 1 I don't know where these people are coming from.

Speaker 1 For my entire life, I've known a hero is someone who plays 36 holes on a hurt knee.

Speaker 1 That's a hero. Injured knee.
Injured knee. He was injured.
I have a question for you. Okay.
Do you think so? Xander Shauffley flirted with it. You alluded to it.
It was.

Speaker 1 There were maybe three minutes of compelling masters. No, I should take that back.
Because they're with the beginning.

Speaker 5 And while Hideki was like kind of going through it when he had that double bogey or whatever it was, that was compelling. So in the process, and then right after, and still Xander hit his t-shirt.

Speaker 1 And my guy, Will Zalatoris, who we got to talk about in a second, who he came out birdie-birty. So that was exciting.

Speaker 1 But yeah, there was like a five-minute span where it was like oh my god you know Hideki's in the drink Shoffley's gonna maybe get you know it's within two strokes I thought to myself is there a chance is there a chance that if Xander Shoffley wins the masters does Jim Nance drop and X going to give it to you?

Speaker 5 Yes. Yeah.
Well, no, it was going to be Faldo. It was going to be the Patrick Reed

Speaker 1 Dragon who tragically passed away. Do you think he was thinking that?

Speaker 5 I think Faldo had it queued up in his head. I think that instead of saying like lightning and the thunder and the thunder and the lightning and the thunder, it was going to be

Speaker 5 Faldo saying like either X is going to give it to you or there was another one that he had queued up.

Speaker 5 I'm trying to remember what the other big line that I was thinking because I was thinking the exact same thing.

Speaker 1 I like your take, by the way, that Nick Faldo might have a more nappable voice than Jim Nance.

Speaker 5 I think he does. Yeah, because it's softer now.
Jim Nance, you can tell he's amped up whenever he's in Augusta.

Speaker 5 Like this is Jim Nance's vacation that he takes every year is when he's actually working at Augusta. So he's like, he's excited.

Speaker 5 Don't get me wrong, it's still the same ASMR for dads where it will put you to sleep. But when I hear Faldo, it's like you just hit me in the face with like a gram of dramamine.
Yes.

Speaker 5 And I'm just like, I'm just free basing Nyquill at that point.

Speaker 1 I also like Nick Faldo. Sir Nick Faldo.
Sorry. Apologies.
Sir Nick Faldo's ability to be the gatekeeper of all of golf. He oftentimes drops like a R game.
And I kind of like that.

Speaker 1 I like that we have a gatekeeper out there watching over for us. I also,

Speaker 1 the, like, I love the Masters. Everyone loves the Masters.
It's, it's great. It sucked that it wasn't super exciting down the stretch, but I did.
Will Zalatoris was my guy.

Speaker 1 I was riding him like a horse. I was hoping that he was going to,

Speaker 1 you know, come through. He is, he's the one to watch.
I think we need to get him on the show. I think we need to add him to

Speaker 1 our stable of Brooks, Max Homa, and I think Will Zalatoris is, I think he's ready. He got the Adam Sandler bump.
He got the Adam Sandler bump.

Speaker 5 He's just got like a hilarious frame to him. It's like, you know how you always say Michael Phelps' body was made to be a swimmer.
His body was made to be a golfer. No shoulders or torso whatsoever.

Speaker 1 Long arms. And just the torque.

Speaker 5 Just the torque on that.

Speaker 5 He looks like if Billy had taken up TikTok instead of sports.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 if he stands sideways, you can't see him. Yeah.
Like, it's crazy how skinny he is. So

Speaker 1 I think we're going to have have to add him to the stable. I also, um, I felt like a total fucking idiot when people were tweeting about the Adam Sandler thing on Saturday, I want to say.

Speaker 1 Um, and someone had created a meme that was like he actually was in Adam, he was in Happy Gilmore, and I was like, Holy fuck, and I almost retweeted. I was like, You fucking asshole!

Speaker 1 That movie came out 40 years ago, and he's like 24 years old, so uh, credit to me for not doing that, but it was he is he is the uh guy who won who didn't win.

Speaker 5 Yeah, and it was just it was fun hearing Jim Nance says Littoris. Yes.
That was just erotic. No bonks, but no, that's a bonk.
In a platonic way, it was hot.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Other things.

Speaker 5 I've got a Colin Coward take. Okay.
You ready for this? Yeah. I think that Augusta National is the Kardashians of golf courses.

Speaker 5 Because everyone talks about it all the time. It's perfectly manicured.
It always makes sure that it's presented in its best light. You know, they always go.

Speaker 5 They even, with the papers that they give you, if they give you like a wrapping paper for a pimento cheese sandwich or a barbecue sandwich, that's green.

Speaker 5 So even if it falls on the ground, you don't see all the trash being blown around.

Speaker 5 They always make sure that it's always got its best foot forward, and they will go out of their way to make sure that it is never presented in like a frumpy light.

Speaker 5 They take care of maintaining the image of the golf course.

Speaker 1 And they probably both won't let Lamar Odemonto their property. That's true.
That is also true. So

Speaker 1 that's my concoward take. I like that.
I like that.

Speaker 1 Oh, I remember what I was going to say. Matsuyama.
So he wins the Masters 85 years,

Speaker 1 waiting for the green jacket, Japan, all this stuff. I also think that he is the most, that was the most successful run that someone has ever had wearing their sunglasses on the back of their hat.

Speaker 5 So not only were they on the back, but they were on the back end up.

Speaker 1 That's fucking badass. Right.
Like that move is usually for a guy with truck nuts who's gonna road rage and probably like you know, inhale some uh computer duster, right?

Speaker 1 Like, that's that's a totally different type of guy who's wearing their sunglasses backwards or upside down on the back of their hat.

Speaker 1 And so, he's doing that, like, that's there's got to be a group of guys who are probably way too sunburned and have the uh coconut shell uh necklace, Yeah, the pukas squeezing the life out of them, cheering in their trailer being like, he did it.

Speaker 5 I would say it's like it's a chubbier guy move, too. Like a guy with a goatee,

Speaker 5 kind of like the Chris Moneymaker type face. That guy probably usually rocks him upside down, backwards.

Speaker 5 The only time that most sunglasses guys, and I speak as one, who would ever, I would never even think to like going backwards and upside down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so it's a power move.

Speaker 5 I might have to start rocking a second pair that's just kept backwards.

Speaker 1 Like that guy, I feel like a guy who wears his sunglasses like that

Speaker 1 is just like underwater in debt, but has a sick boat. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like

Speaker 1 can't keep up with his mortgage, but he just fucking added another 450 horsepower to his boat.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you know how like sometimes they tell you that if you're if you're in a place in the world that has a large tiger population, you wear a mask that has eyes on the back of your head to keep the tigers away.

Speaker 5 With him, you put those on the back of your head. Like, if somebody's wearing sunglasses on the back of their head, it's just to keep cops away from it.

Speaker 1 Right. Everyone who's like, I can see you.
Yeah, everyone who's listening to this podcast in Jacksonville, Florida right now is just nodding along. I'm like, yep, yeah, my boat is sick.

Speaker 1 So I'll figure future me problem for the house I can't afford.

Speaker 5 I would also say that we should probably give some credit to the golf cameraman.

Speaker 5 Sometimes you forget what a difficult job that must be to be able to track the ball in midair and have it perfectly in the front. Do they have like software that helps them do that?

Speaker 5 Hank, do you have any idea?

Speaker 1 I don't think so.

Speaker 5 They're always just like straight on point with it. I have no idea how it's done.

Speaker 1 I'm kind of out on the HD camera, though. The super HD.

Speaker 8 It doesn't hit the same in all places. It doesn't hit.
It hits great on NFL. Right.
UFC was weird because there was no fans.

Speaker 7 Right.

Speaker 5 This one was like, okay, so it's just a dude.

Speaker 1 Like, they actually did a couple with fan shots. It's like, so I'm just looking at a slightly overweight middle-aged white dude with a polo.
Like, I could just look in the mirror.

Speaker 1 That would be super HD, right yeah more than slightly overweight also uh faldo had a very excuse me sir nick had a very jake especially today as prince philip is is lying in state he was probably knighted by prince philip yeah right yes so uh jake did you catch this when sir nick this was on like you know what let's just let's

Speaker 1 before we do this let's just say that the rest of this show is is honoring Prince Philip. Yes, and also Queen Elizabeth.
From here on out, the rest of this episode is the Prince Philip episode.

Speaker 5 Do you think that Queen Elizabeth is going to take some time? Like go on a How Stella Got a Grooveback type vacation?

Speaker 1 Is she going to go out with the girls, little single ladies?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean, she's been waiting for a long time. She's been married for, what, like, 80? They started dating when she was like 13 years old.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 the fact that

Speaker 1 the Megan Markle and

Speaker 1 what's his name? Harry? Harry.

Speaker 1 That and the fact that Prince Philip is so old has just opened the world to jokes about the royal family.

Speaker 5 How sick would it be if Steve Harvey hit on the queen, stole the queen, took her to a marriage? She abdicated.

Speaker 5 And now, guess what? We got your leader.

Speaker 1 Listen, whenever someone dies over the age of 90, the jokes are fair game.

Speaker 5 Except Betty White, National Day morning, when that happens. I'm going to probably have to make a few jokes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Definitely.

Speaker 5 I'm going to need some time.

Speaker 1 He's like, you lived a fucking awesome life, 99? Although,

Speaker 1 he was like a month and a half away from 100.

Speaker 5 That's tough.

Speaker 1 Like, you were right there.

Speaker 5 And that's why he got the heart surgery.

Speaker 5 I can see the finished line.

Speaker 1 And he was looking healthy. Yeah, he looked great.

Speaker 5 Like, skincare. I don't know what his routine was.

Speaker 1 Well, again, this is all in memory. So this is all lovely.

Speaker 5 Right, we're remembering the good times. All the different times we actually thought he was already dead.

Speaker 5 He probably looks better now. Yeah, he definitely looks better.
He's in a better place, literally.

Speaker 7 I mean, they always put, like,

Speaker 1 the mortician, they dress you up. They glow you up big time.
Yeah, so what were you going to say, Jake?

Speaker 5 I was going to say, Sir Nick had an awesome take, and this was when there were still nine holes of golf left to play.

Speaker 5 He said, I think that if he wins, Hideki will be the one who lights the Olympic torch.

Speaker 1 What do you think about that? I like it. Wow.

Speaker 1 That's a Romo call. Yeah, it's a Romo call.
That's a Romo call.

Speaker 5 I started to think about it. I was like, who else, like in the sporting world right now?

Speaker 1 Otani, Shohai, Shohei Otani, Shohei Otani, Rui Hideki.

Speaker 1 Rui Hidei, Chamaro, your guy. Ichru.
Yeah. Ichro, I feel like, is.

Speaker 9 Yeah, he's like a let, he's literally like the legend.

Speaker 1 The legend.

Speaker 5 They should have Shohai Shohai throw the torch to Hideki and have Hideki hit it with like a three-wood.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Or Ichiro, slap it and run to first.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 make contact with it. Yeah, I thought that was a great take.

Speaker 5 And it was something where I was like, only Jake and Sir Nick Faldo would be thinking about that.

Speaker 1 Other relatable moments that happened in the

Speaker 1 Masters. Billy Horschel having twice, he had to take his shoes off in hole 13, Saturday and Sunday.
That sucked.

Speaker 1 I know you can't just quit, but I would definitely quit there. I also had a moment where I love watching

Speaker 1 major championship golf because they're so fucking good, and the

Speaker 1 smallest error becomes this huge thing. So, like, Hideki goes into the water.
I was watching it. Hank and I were sitting there.

Speaker 1 He goes in the water, and then he gets back, like, you know, onto the green, and then it pops up, and he's like, he's putting for Bogey. And I was like, what? Like,

Speaker 1 I would, in my wildest dreams, getting a bogey in Augusta would be the coolest thing ever. Whenever the water hits, you're thinking, like, oh my God, this has got to be like a nine.
Nightmare, yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's tough on a par three.

Speaker 7 Right.

Speaker 1 Like when Xander, the double bogey.

Speaker 5 That's when Sernick should have dropped the. So after he goes in the water, he should have said, as X would say, he's got to stop.
Drop. Stop.
Yeah. Time to hit the third shot.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Yeah.
I guess X won't

Speaker 1 give it to us, talking about a dramatic finish.

Speaker 1 It would have been amazing. And then Dustin Johnson just bouncing after he put on the green jacket for a decade.
He's like, I'm out of here.

Speaker 1 That's got to suck so bad to miss the cut and have to hang out for two days just while everyone. I know Max Homa did hang out, and there was a lot of talk about his P-belly.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you saw that scuttlebutt online. I didn't see the stomach looked a little fat,

Speaker 1 and he said that he had had a couple beers and he had to pee really bad. So, yeah,

Speaker 1 everyone moved on. It was filled.

Speaker 5 It's a sign of a healthy secretion system.

Speaker 1 Right, right, exactly.

Speaker 1 And then,

Speaker 1 I mean, Bryson, what happened there?

Speaker 5 Oh, Bryson took a money shot from himself. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You see that spit that he spit all over himself.

Speaker 5 Somebody put the Brazzers, Billy, that's your assignment for tomorrow. Put the Brazers logo on Bryson just dribbling a Lugie on.

Speaker 1 It was like spit, and I think he was kind of doing a snot rocket at the same time.

Speaker 5 Out of his mouth.

Speaker 1 He's got one hole. It was so gross, but yeah, he

Speaker 1 didn't realize it didn't sue so well.

Speaker 5 I didn't realize that Patrick Reed wore a CBD hat. Yeah, that's very funny.

Speaker 1 Which is like, there's no way that his wife allows him to take CBD. No, absolutely not.

Speaker 5 It's like podcasters and Patrick Reed are the only people who are.

Speaker 1 It was purple, too. He looked like the purple hoser.

Speaker 5 They should have had Zlatora should have worn because it said CBD. Zlator should have had one that just said CHD, Color Daddy.
Ooh, that would have been a nice cross-profit.

Speaker 1 And it would be sick if like Phil Mickelson was just, it just said wheat yeah like yeah i'm just going to the hard stuff that'd be sick yes uh it was nice seeing phil out there it was like yeah yeah every

Speaker 1 every like i don't know 20 minutes gym nance would be like and here's phil and it's always sad whenever you know that you've had a bad tournament on sunday when they're like and here's like Hideki Matsuyama hadn't even teed off yet.

Speaker 1 And they're like, and here's Phil at hole 17. And it's like, all right, he's wrapping up.
He started at 9 a.m.

Speaker 5 Phil was actually a case of, was the tournament too short for him? Because he started to play well. I think the times that I saw.

Speaker 1 He got hot.

Speaker 1 Phil got hot at the end. John Rom got hot.

Speaker 5 John Rom got hot at the end.

Speaker 5 I think I understand why people like Jordan Speeth now. Because Jordan Speeth, after every shot, he's like yelling at his ball.

Speaker 1 You know, he's every head of time.

Speaker 1 Total headset.

Speaker 5 It's kind of fun to watch when it's in the air, and he's like, he's giving his ball specific instructions.

Speaker 5 He's like an old person that you run into in the countryside of Ireland when you're asking him how to get to the highway.

Speaker 5 He's telling his ball, like, okay, make a left at this tree, take two hops, and then put the backspin on it, and then it ends up in the water. He's like, oh, shit, I blew it again.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Last thing before we get to our who's back, and we're going to do more masters talk with Scott Van Pelt in a minute. Some great insight from Augusta.
Jake, we asked you, you have the call in

Speaker 1 Japanese and Italian. And Hindi.
And in Hindi.

Speaker 5 Because last time we said you should do it in Indian, because we're looking for more Indian listeners to do it.

Speaker 1 People were wrong. It's not a language.

Speaker 5 Hindi is a language.

Speaker 1 Also, can you do X, going to give it to me in Japanese?

Speaker 9 Some work on that. Okay.
It's hello, friends, a tradition unlike any other.

Speaker 5 That's the traditional call.

Speaker 1 There he is. It's not the final call.
Just do that. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 9 Japanese. Konichi wak to Madachi.
Hokato wa chigigao dento.

Speaker 1 That was good. Beautiful.
It was elegant. I practiced a little bit.

Speaker 5 Of course, now Italian. Remember, use the hands.

Speaker 9 Chawamichi, una tradizion diverza dale altre.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 You're getting a lot better at this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then Hindi. This one, I've never practiced before.
Oh.

Speaker 9 Because it's a last-minute edition. Hilo Dostan ek para para kise na k

Speaker 1 vipari.

Speaker 5 Okay, we're going to need some work on that one, but that's fine.

Speaker 1 Baby steps.

Speaker 9 At least we got the name of the language this time.

Speaker 1 It's progress. Correct.
Exactly. So

Speaker 1 we're evolving.

Speaker 1 Good job, Jake. Thank you.
I like this. I think you need to.
I would actually like if you would just learn three or four more languages. That's a lot.

Speaker 5 all right two two more languages fluent any championship I'll do the final call so final four the masters yeah I would like to also see you do some sign language for our deaf listeners

Speaker 1 yep

Speaker 1 they're out there Jake yes yes they are and maybe some typing in braille for our blind listeners I can type with my eyes closed That's insane. That's nothing at all like what they do with that.

Speaker 1 We should probably caught that. No, that was mean.
No, it wasn't mean.

Speaker 1 For it to to be mean, it would have to be like mean-spirited.

Speaker 5 You just said it off the cuff.

Speaker 1 You were actually saying, like, I have the ability to type with my eyes closed.

Speaker 5 Exactly.

Speaker 9 Right. Apologies if I.

Speaker 1 No, you're

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's get to who's back of the week.

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Speaker 1 The road trip might be over, but dinner's just getting good. Hank in his red

Speaker 1 towel. What is that? Is it a towel? Kerchief.
Ski. Cumra.
Ski rag. Is that a cum rag? It's a kerchief.
Okay. It's a crunchy rack.

Speaker 8 I got a bunch of who's backs. My first one, Ronald Lacuna Jr.

Speaker 5 Pace of baseball. Face of baseball.

Speaker 1 He should be. I think.
He's a freak. I think

Speaker 1 we have to be having that conversation.

Speaker 8 He had like a 420-foot home run, and he beat out an infield single all in the same game. He's got it all.
Five places. How many tools?

Speaker 5 Five. Can you list the five tools? Five plus.

Speaker 1 List the five tools right now. Okay.

Speaker 8 Running, fielding, hitting, thinking.

Speaker 1 Name sounds cool. Name sounds cool.
Ronald Acuna Jr. is in tangibles.

Speaker 5 Has the tilde above the inn, as Bryce Harper pointed out.

Speaker 1 Ronnie.

Speaker 1 Ronnie.

Speaker 8 What are the five tools? Running.

Speaker 1 Running, throwing, hitting.

Speaker 8 Hitting for power.

Speaker 5 Yes, hitting for power, hitting for contact.

Speaker 5 And then Babbitt.

Speaker 1 Fielding? No, fielding. Yeah.
Glove work. Yeah.
Wouldn't fielding be? Speed.

Speaker 5 We just missed this. Speed's on there, too.
That's running. I think there are seven tools.
Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
It's five plus. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Easy.

Speaker 8 Who's back? Is Shane O'Mack getting thrown off of cages?

Speaker 1 That just happened?

Speaker 8 Happened last night. Fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just a nice little thing you can kind of always like check your calendar out you know when is this gonna happen when was the last time shane o' mac got thrown off uh like a giant surface onto the ground but okay even though it's 51 it's still going yeah and he's very rich and he doesn't have to do this and credit to him for just still doing it it's like it's crazy yeah it's awesome how about triple h just straight up sandbagging us on the nft talk in the interview he's like yeah it's something that we did do the wink was he like he was like it's something that we might be looking into in the future and then the very next day wwe dropped a shitload of of NFTs on us.

Speaker 8 He did call the Bad Bunny

Speaker 1 being into it. It was in a Bad Bunny's back.
I watched that. It was so sick.
Yeah, Bad Bunny, legit.

Speaker 5 Make so for his Corona commercials.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Is that your.

Speaker 8 I had posterizations as well.

Speaker 1 Miles Bridges.

Speaker 5 It was quite a dunk.

Speaker 1 What's the next level after a poster? Because that's what that should be. Is it a mural? Like, that was such a violent dunk.
Mosaic. Yeah.
Clint Capella. Watercolors.
Clint Capella. That was just

Speaker 5 you got timelined because the entire timeline was just videos of that.

Speaker 1 That's exactly right.

Speaker 5 That's exactly right. Got timelined big time.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Is that it, Hank?

Speaker 5 We're good?

Speaker 5 My who's back of the week is receiver swag. Wide receivers playing above their swag level.
I saw Billy tweet about this, I think, too. The NFL is just...

Speaker 5 I guess giving clearance to wide receivers to wear single-digit numbers.

Speaker 5 Is that official? It's a major Derek Go is the neighborhood moment.

Speaker 5 I think it's going to have Peter King leaked it out and when Peter King has a scoop like that, it's Roger Godella just being like, Peter, you are my trial balloon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're cheating right about it. They're allowing all new numbers, right?

Speaker 5 Hate it. I don't like it either, Hank.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it broke my brain when I saw it. I was like, this isn't fair because it's not only that, it's like linebackers can wear

Speaker 1 any number now, too. Like, imagine a linebacker wearing number 25.
Yeah, I hate it. That's crazy.

Speaker 5 That's what Georgia football is. That's crazy.
Do you want the entire NFL to look like Georgia football? I don't. And when it comes to wide receivers that are wearing single digits,

Speaker 5 give me a nice boxy 88 any day of the week.

Speaker 1 I think what they should do.

Speaker 8 It's just the TikTokers being like normalized receivers wearing any number they want. Here's what they should do.

Speaker 1 That's bullshit. They should make it so that you get, let's say, five single-digit numbers on your entire team, and it just has to be your five best players.

Speaker 1 That would make it like if your best player is a guard, they wear number six.

Speaker 1 Like, it's just, that's, because I actually, I'm going to say something nice about soccer, but the best player on the team wearing number 10 is kind of cool. Yeah, who's the seven this year?

Speaker 1 Would be cool if it was like the best player wears this specific number, maybe each position group. Like, who is the seven? Okay, the seven is the best linebacker out there.
I think that'd be cool.

Speaker 1 I agree with that.

Speaker 5 What do you, Billy? You don't like it either, do you?

Speaker 1 I think, you know, it was all about

Speaker 7 how like there's no I in defense.

Speaker 10 And it's like, how are you going to have a team of a bunch of single-digit linebackers?

Speaker 5 I forget exactly what I said, but it's we fence.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Are you?

Speaker 5 I think that if you're wearing like a number one or two, that should either be for like the best kicker or the worst quarterback. It shouldn't be a wide receiver.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it also, I kind of, I think it's badass when like number two is a sick defensive end.

Speaker 5 So that's just in college, it looks weird. It's cool to have like Jajavion Clouding when he was in college and he wore the single-digit Illick Dawson, but it also broke my brain, my scouting brain.

Speaker 5 I was like, how does this guy project to the NFL? Wait, does this guy go and play quarterback in the NFL? Just saying. I like having those rules in place that keep my brain in a neat, orderly process.

Speaker 1 No, I agree. I agree.

Speaker 5 Instead of having to do all this math in my head by looking at numbers.

Speaker 1 Yes, I agree. It's fucked everything up.
Is that it? That's it. Okay.
My who's back of the week is

Speaker 1 the debate of whose man is it for the Brooklyn Nets. So the Brooklyn Nets lost to the Lakers on Saturday night, prime time,

Speaker 1 a Lakers team that didn't have LeBron or A.D. out there.

Speaker 1 And it has been pointed out that the Brooklyn Nets this year, they are 36-17. They are 27-7 with James Harden playing, and they are 9-10 without.

Speaker 1 James Harden is the best player in the Brooklyn Nets.

Speaker 5 Well, what's the record been since they got Blake?

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's probably like, I think they've lost a couple times.
I know they lost to the Bulls. Probably, let's say 5-2.

Speaker 5 Okay, that's pretty good. Yeah.
So it might be like

Speaker 1 that's a guess. So five and two.

Speaker 5 I do love the Who's Man's Cause. It was inevitable that we were going to have that conversation when it came to this.

Speaker 1 But I kind of

Speaker 1 watched the game last night, and I knew James Harden was out, but I also, there were times I was like, wait, they should just have James Harden score. Like, they need to get back in this game.

Speaker 1 They should just have James Harden do James Harden things. So I'm kind of buying, I guess it would be my own thought of just James Harden's the best player on the team.

Speaker 5 I just love the idea that Kyrie takes takes these personal days just like depending on what cycle, what

Speaker 5 is it, like what phase of the moon we have going?

Speaker 5 Like what stage is it Aquarius rising? He's taking a day off.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do? He's taking a day off. Let him take a day off.
And then my other who's back is

Speaker 1 the Corp is back because A-Rod, what's the next best thing when you can't buy the New York Mets? You buy the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Speaker 5 I said literally pretty good constellation.

Speaker 1 That is the, when they list all the franchises in all the sports, I think Mets and then Timberwolves come right after the Mets.

Speaker 5 I mean, everyone always talks, like, the major markets. You talk about the Mets, the Yankees, the Lakers.
Historic teams. The Minnesota Timberwolves.

Speaker 1 George Miken.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Listen, you spend a lot of time talking about like early stages Kevin Garnett, like how great he was.

Speaker 1 Lattrell Spreewell. Yeah.
Have you asked him?

Speaker 1 Ricky Rubio. I have not asked, but I know that Spencer Hawes is already asking, so I said, yeah, maybe.
Everything's out there.

Speaker 8 Have you reached out at all?

Speaker 1 I actually enjoyed

Speaker 1 the three. it.

Speaker 5 It's definitely a move, though, for A-Rod.

Speaker 5 He is buying that team to move it. To Seattle.
It'd be funny if he moved it from Minneapolis to St. Paul.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 the good thing is, if you're a Timberwolves fan, you're like, well, is A-Rod going to move this team? I don't think A-Rod will.

Speaker 1 And his co-owner is also

Speaker 1 an upstanding guy

Speaker 1 who made all his money at Walmart. So no way will he move this team.

Speaker 7 No, no. No chance.

Speaker 5 He's about the communities.

Speaker 1 The mom and pop shops are what are most important to him. So, yeah, the corp is going to Minnesota.

Speaker 5 How does J-Lo feel about Minnesota? She seems like she'd be a big shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The Lake Minnetonka?

Speaker 5 The Mosquitoes? Never heard of it? The State Bird of Minnesota.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Prince?

Speaker 1 He's dead. RIP.
But we can't do that.

Speaker 1 We can't. Yeah, I was going to say we can't do a Prince show and a Prince Philip show.
This is a Prince Phillip only show.

Speaker 1 But yeah, Timberl, I do appreciate the few stray people on Twitter who actually get mad at me being like, you better not move the team to Seattle. Like you really think that

Speaker 5 he would say that it was all your idea. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 I will be the fall guy.

Speaker 1 I actually would love to be the fall guy in that situation because then I'd be the fall guy either way. Like you want to keep the team in Minnesota? Like I'll be the fall guy that

Speaker 1 Seattle can blame me and I'll be the king in Minnesota. You want to move the team to Seattle and have me be the fall guy? I'll be the king of Seattle and the fall guy for Minnesota.

Speaker 1 You at least just, one city you can't go to forever. The other one, you're the fucking

Speaker 1 ruler.

Speaker 5 I would be, you know what, though? You would be the king of Minnesota if you kept the team there. That's what I'm saying.
Like if the team is either way.

Speaker 5 But if he's moving to Seattle, I think there are already people out there that are going to be like, thank you, Paul Allen, somehow for moving the team here. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Another one. We can't do the RIP show to him.
Princeville, this Princeville.

Speaker 5 Who got all Paul Allen's guitars? Did Jim Ursay kill Paul Allen so he could take his guitar collection? I don't know. Somehow we're going to look into.

Speaker 1 Jake.

Speaker 9 Blake, 12 and 4. Or nets 12 and 4.

Speaker 1 That was pretty close. 5 and 3.

Speaker 9 Yesterday was the first home loss.

Speaker 1 Okay. What's that?

Speaker 1 So 12 and 4. Yeah, I wasn't.
No, I was pretty far off. Pretty close.

Speaker 1 Crashing. I wasn't.
Thank you, Jake, but I wasn't.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 5 Crashing. Percentage-wise.

Speaker 1 No, still wasn't.

Speaker 9 5 out of 7 and then 75%?

Speaker 5 No, I still wasn't. 5 out of 7.

Speaker 1 5 out of 3.

Speaker 9 72%.

Speaker 1 And then you said 5-2? Yeah. Oh, 72%?

Speaker 1 Sorry, yeah, yeah. 75%.
There we go. So it's Blake's team.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Crashing the boards. Ennis Cantor had 30 rebounds in a game on Saturday.

Speaker 7 That is crazy.

Speaker 5 How bad were his teammates shooting?

Speaker 9 There's just some stats in sports that it's just like jaws. That is crazy.

Speaker 5 In the box story, you see 30 rebounds? Yes.

Speaker 1 It just doesn't seem possible.

Speaker 5 Has anyone ever had a triple-double with fewer than 10 points?

Speaker 9 Oh, it's like blocks or steals.

Speaker 5 Yeah, blocks or steals.

Speaker 1 I was watching an old clip of Shaq in college, and he had a triple-double with blocks, and it was so fucking sick.

Speaker 5 He would just catch the ball as you were trying to shoot it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he had like 11 blocks.

Speaker 9 30 rebounds is insane.

Speaker 9 And then, congrats to Liam. His UMass Minuteman won the frozen fourth.

Speaker 1 Whoa!

Speaker 1 Let's go, Liam. Hockey school.
You just say that, and then everyone has to respect it. Just keep moving.
Yeah, hockey school. Got it.
Billy, you got a who's back before we get to SVP?

Speaker 10 Just a quick quick one. Fans are back.

Speaker 1 I turned the fan on.

Speaker 7 You know what?

Speaker 7 You're kind of right.

Speaker 5 I turned my air conditioning on for the first time last week. Yeah.

Speaker 10 It's that, I mean, I have a fan in my room. I just turn it on and it's going to be on until like, you know, September or October.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So that's always a good feeling. It is a good feeling.
Do you like the sound of a fan? Does it make you fall asleep easier?

Speaker 10 Yeah, a little bit of a, you know, underlying noise for sleep.

Speaker 5 Yeah. You thought about saying white noise, but you didn't.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So, like, the first time that I spent the night in a hotel room with Hank and Big Cat, they just turned on their fan apps without telling me they were about to do it.

Speaker 5 It was one of the most bizarre things I've ever been. I was just looking around in the room, like, is this normal?

Speaker 1 I need to have white noise.

Speaker 5 You have to announce that, though. You have to be like, hey, I'm going to turn on this last

Speaker 5 screeching sound.

Speaker 1 It wasn't screeching at all. That's not

Speaker 1 fan. It was a broken

Speaker 1 fan.

Speaker 5 Sounds like a heads up would have been nice.

Speaker 1 It's a screeching.

Speaker 5 I got a bad night's sleep that night and forgot my wallet at the Cleveland, the Q Arena or whatever.

Speaker 1 We weren't even in the same room. We were just in a shared, like.

Speaker 1 It was the same room. Was it? Yeah.

Speaker 5 Hank was on the couch.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 5 Maybe it was the bus that also.

Speaker 5 No, I remember the hotel room. I remember being just startled and being like, are you guys okay?

Speaker 1 Not yet.

Speaker 7 And Amber away.

Speaker 1 I think a lot of people sleep with fans on.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but I just, you know, a heads up would have been nice.

Speaker 1 I think it's a totally normal thing to sleep with a fan on. Not screeching.
Not even close to screeching.

Speaker 3 No screech whatsoever.

Speaker 1 It's just a shh.

Speaker 1 Half the people just fell asleep.

Speaker 5 That's true.

Speaker 5 You put that with Sir Nick's voice? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Billy,

Speaker 5 Billy, what did you get into this weekend? Why aren't you in the studio right now?

Speaker 10 You know, I'm just studying.

Speaker 1 I got this long tweet for you.

Speaker 1 We were laughing because Billy,

Speaker 1 he is a real-life drill tweet where he was essentially saying like hey guys I don't know if I'm gonna be in because I have a big test on Monday and then another paper on Tuesday and then we're like so what are you doing Saturday he's like well I have to enjoy myself I'm like you know what you're right you do it's your senior year but yeah your time management is a very I actually would like a time management like a detailed breakdown maybe on Friday show Dude, I found this huge stump and I climbed it next to the river.

Speaker 10 It's actually actually really cool.

Speaker 1 And that was what you did after studying. Yeah, coming to your job.

Speaker 5 I found the highest place next to a body of water and I got on top of that motherfucker.

Speaker 1 And then I jumped into the river.

Speaker 5 It was sick.

Speaker 1 Was did everyone cheer?

Speaker 1 Wait, no. How cold was the water?

Speaker 6 Oh, it was the perfect temperature.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 No, no, it wasn't.

Speaker 5 Did you do a pencil dive or you go head first?

Speaker 1 This is like the second day that it's been nice out.

Speaker 1 Dude, it was great.

Speaker 5 It was just like, it was a perfect, like, because it was like 90 degrees out.

Speaker 1 No, it wasn't.

Speaker 5 Where were you?

Speaker 1 Billy was so drunk. You just imagine it all.

Speaker 5 It was 62 degrees.

Speaker 1 You were in New York.

Speaker 5 No, I sent you guys a picture of the stump.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's see this stump. We'll see the stump and we'll get to Scott Van Pelt.

Speaker 5 Okay, you just sent us a picture of Bryson

Speaker 5 with the browser's look. That's a good picture, honestly.
It's a good me and Billy.

Speaker 10 Wait, it's going through.

Speaker 1 Here it is. There you go.
All right, we got the stump.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 What a stump.

Speaker 5 It's a pretty big stump. Nice.

Speaker 1 Bro, and you dropped off this? And you climbed this?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Who's that? So that's why you're not here today.

Speaker 5 Who's your friend that's on the stump? Your friend that's like way out of shape? Oh, that's me.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. You got titties, dude.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 They're pecs.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's what pecs look like. All right, let's get to Scott Van Pelt.

Speaker 5 It's a pretty big stump. How'd they cut that stump down? What happened to it?

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 10 No, so like, I like that's not like a place to swim. It's like behind behind like this old like construction site, and we found it and then we just chilled there for the whole day.

Speaker 1 Cool, give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 11 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 11 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.
Terms apply.

Speaker 5 Now here he is, Scott Van Pelt.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our very, very good friend. It is Scott Van Pelt.

Speaker 1 I said it at the beginning of the show, it's a tradition unlike any other, having Scott Van Pelt on the show after the Masters on Sunday. So thank you, as always.

Speaker 1 That had no drama.

Speaker 5 None.

Speaker 12 Well, I mean, for a second, like, but it was fake, right? I mean, it was like, whoa, whoa, what do we have here? He's in the water on 15, and then Xander rinses one on 16, and then it was gone.

Speaker 12 Which, all credit to

Speaker 12 Matsuyama, who was brilliant. But I, you know, kind of like the title game the other night, right?

Speaker 12 Like you're waiting for UCLA Gonzaga again, and instead it was like, oh no, McBayler's just a lot better. And in this case, Hideki, who has a lot of people have been waiting on this.

Speaker 12 I mean, he's been really good for a long time, and this was his time.

Speaker 12 He was excellent.

Speaker 5 So a lot of people don't know the difference between the masters and other tournaments when it comes to how they handle the yardages and the yardage books that every player gets.

Speaker 5 In my mind, this is like the test of not only who's a great golfer, but a caddy. Like, how good is your caddy?

Speaker 5 Because the the stuff that they have to fill in on the yardage booklets, it's kind of insane. Can you kind of walk us through what goes into all that?

Speaker 12 Look at PFT dropping in. Like, what are you, golf channel? Are you Brando Chamblie on here?

Speaker 1 Dude, don't say that.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we don't talk about Brix Bliss Chamblis.

Speaker 1 But you know what drew me in, Scott?

Speaker 12 I forgot. I forgot.
I forgot.

Speaker 12 I just hit it OB.

Speaker 1 I just hit it right there. Yeah, he's for people who don't know.
OB means

Speaker 1 awesome shot. Yeah, awesome shot.

Speaker 12 Okay, so all I'll try to extricate myself from this. What I'm saying here is, you know, that a lot of the tour events, there are these books that have very specific yardages to everything.

Speaker 12 They have these books that tell you what all of the undulations on the greens are.

Speaker 12 It's basically Cliff's notes.

Speaker 12 I think I know me and Big Cat. I'm pretty sure, PFT, you're smart, but I'm pretty sure we were kind of lazy guys, right? Maybe Cliff's notes here and there.

Speaker 1 Just to do what you had to do. Speaking of

Speaker 1 stuff out there.

Speaker 12 Well, these are Cliff's notes for the golf course. And Augusta National, they don't provide them.
And

Speaker 12 you've got to sort it out on your own, which is it's kind of why I wonder about Brando Chambre,

Speaker 12 about Bryson DeChambo, because this guy has got so much information in his brain, and he's grinding on so much of the physics, the humidity, and the undulation, and the rotation of the earth, and this, that, and the other, and his numbers.

Speaker 12 And he doesn't have all the info here. And I almost wonder if it kind of jams up his airspace, so to speak, because you got to sort it out completely on your own.

Speaker 12 And I think that's why you hear people talk so much about local knowledge and about playing here for years.

Speaker 12 Matsuyama, 10 years ago, was low amateur, so he's been here a ton, and you figure stuff out over time, which is what makes with Zalatoris, the rookie, in his master's debut, that makes what he did incredible because you're not supposed to be able to figure it out that quickly.

Speaker 1 And he looked like he belonged all four days big cat i saw you were tweeting about him all throughout hard not to like him um you know fun guy to watch he looks like he weighs about 120 pounds and he's out there throwing punches on sunday in augusta yeah and it makes sense now what you're what you're saying about you know like having to be there because i everything i read was like zalatoris he's not going to be able to hang because he doesn't have that institutional knowledge that guys build up over the years so matsuyama i want to give him a little bit more credit because it was phenomenal he was he kicked everyone's ass.

Speaker 1 What, um, that though, we were joking.

Speaker 1 The T-shot on one, that had to have just been him sitting all night on Saturday being like, I'm about to win a Masters, I'm about to win a green jacket, and then comes out and just totally shanks it.

Speaker 1 And it was, I thought it was a very relatable moment to just a little bit of pressure, and then he got right back on it and was it was good the rest of the way to go.

Speaker 12 100%. And, like, look, look, look, Justin Rose, who's played in a ton of Masters and majors, is a major champ.

Speaker 12 He shoots 65 on Thursday, comes out Friday morning, and his first T-shot is basically, you know, he was in the same exact spot as Matsuyame. Like, it wasn't a shank, but I mean, it's way right.

Speaker 12 And all night, Andy North kept saying to me, you cannot comprehend the amount of pressure that's on this young man's shoulders. Because

Speaker 12 in Japan,

Speaker 12 he is, he's not their only star, but he's the guy. And typically, I mean, in non-COVID times, he has his own media entourage who follows his every move.
And

Speaker 12 no Japanese man had ever won a major. And Andy, who he does get a little bit, he's prone to a wee bit, a wee bit.
I love him. But every now and then, he's a little bit of hyperbole.

Speaker 12 He's like, this is worth a billion dollars to him. And I'm like, do the math for me, Andy.
A billion with the B's, a lot of comments, and a lot of zeros.

Speaker 12 He's like, but he's like, no, Scotty, you don't understand. This guy's 29 years old.
He's going to have, you know, give him 40 years of being able to be, I'm the masters champion in Japan.

Speaker 12 He's like, you could be a nine-figure a year guy. And David Duvall, former world number one, who's a major champion himself, told me this morning, he goes, look,

Speaker 12 that's not crazy at all. He said, it might be conservative.
You can't fathom how much money this is worth. So you're sleeping on that all night.

Speaker 12 You're trying to win the masters because that's more important than the money. But if you win the masters, you're going to get the money.
And, you know, shit, how could you not have those nerves?

Speaker 12 And so he, you know, hits one off the hostle on one, and he makes bogey, and he goes to the second tee, and a four-shot lead is all of a sudden down to one, just like that.

Speaker 12 But like, I was surprised nobody was able to put any pressure on him really until Xander in the very end. None of the guys that I thought would make, make a move Sunday really were able to.

Speaker 12 And his lead was pretty comfortable most of the way. And so you're right.
You're waiting all day to feel like, you know, the nerves and the drama and all this and that. And mostly.

Speaker 12 Outside of a brief moment there on 15 and 16, it was, you know, I don't know if boring's the word.

Speaker 12 I I mean, it wasn't to me, but it wasn't the kind of, it didn't have the same punch that, you know, a lot of times the Masters does.

Speaker 1 It's always fun to watch no matter what, but it definitely, it wasn't the most memorable Masters, but, you know, of course not. So

Speaker 1 I had a question. So our colleague Nate tweeted this out, and I thought it was a great idea.
The evolution of how we broadcast all these sports.

Speaker 1 Obviously, Augusta is probably going to not do this because they don't have to.

Speaker 1 But do you think golf will eventually get to a point where they have on the leaderboard how much money guys are losing for the places that they drop at the end, especially in a blowout?

Speaker 1 Like Xander Shaufly lost $575,000

Speaker 1 when he double bogeys 16 or 15, whatever it was.

Speaker 1 He goes from second place

Speaker 1 1.2 mil to $667,000. Like that would actually be compelling down the stretch if these guys are making putts, even like at 12th or 13th.
Like, hey, he just made an extra $40,000.

Speaker 12 I could see that other places,

Speaker 12 not at Augusta, because at Augusta, it's just, it's, the money, in their estimation, is, is, is inconsequential. You're going to win a ton of it.

Speaker 12 I mean, he won more than two, and Zalatoris won seven figures on Sunday. I mean, like, basically matched what he'd won in his whole life with a second place finish.
But, you know, the way

Speaker 12 they see it,

Speaker 12 you know, that's really not what you're playing for.

Speaker 12 At a regular tour event, like, I think the PGA Tour is going to be right there at the forefront of live gambling and embracing that because they recognize that people that play golf,

Speaker 12 I don't care if it's country club golf or municipal golf, you understand the idea of having a dollar in a line.

Speaker 12 And I could see that for regular tour events, but particularly the masters and majors, you know. And by the way, Big Cat, you don't need to do it because Twitter people are going to figure it out.
And

Speaker 12 Revelle will have what it is and what your hat was worth for the five seconds you were on TV, anyway.

Speaker 1 Right, true.

Speaker 5 Uh, so what's the what's the vibe like around Augusta in between rounds?

Speaker 5 Like, you were just talking a second ago about hanging out with Andy North all night and him, you know, giving you all this inside info. I like to imagine that that's exactly what happens.

Speaker 5 Like, you guys just go to the bar afterwards, and Andy North just holds court and just explains exactly what's going to happen.

Speaker 1 Absolutely wrecked on Sangria, yep, North, North blind, drunk on Sangria.

Speaker 12 Honestly, I mean, normally these weeks are

Speaker 12 incredible in terms of hospitality because you have, like, I mean,

Speaker 12 you've got to come down and see it sometime. Like, Rosilo came here, and he's a pretty, he's a pretty, he grades with a sharp pencil, right?

Speaker 12 Like, he came here and he's like, bro, I can't believe that place because it is, it is the sort of a who's who of, you know, Fortune 500 types, and everyone's trying to outdo each other when it comes to hospitality.

Speaker 12 And so it is insane. I mean, shout out to our boys at Wheels Up.
My guy, Kenny Dichter, you know him well, the Wisconsin Badger. Like their party every year is the

Speaker 12 party. They've kind of done the same thing at the Super Bowl.
And obviously, Barstool, your guys' things have become massive shindigs as well.

Speaker 12 But it's a little bit of who can top the other when it comes to who can get the best guests and who can put on the best,

Speaker 12 just the best parties. But this year,

Speaker 12 you know, with things being what they are, it's completely different.

Speaker 12 But it doesn't mean that me and North don't just sit around the house house and get, you know, just get blind drunk on Sangria and watch the golf channel. Just really get crazy.

Speaker 1 We got to go.

Speaker 5 You also left out the biggest celebrity there this weekend, Ryan Fitzpatrick. Yeah.
Was rocking the Hawaiian show. Did you get a chance to talk to Fitzpatrick?

Speaker 12 No, no, I was so bummed out because he's the quarterback of my team, Washington. He's the Washington quarterback.
And there were a bunch of football folks down here this week, and I saw none of them.

Speaker 12 I sucked this week. I did such a shitty job of seeing people.
And I mean, you kind of had to be in the right place at the right time.

Speaker 12 And I never was, but he was like a superstar out there in his short shorts and his beard, just holding court with people. I was bummed.

Speaker 12 I did a really bad job this week of seeing people.

Speaker 1 Really bad. Let me, let me, I'm going to give you a chance to redeem yourself.
And I don't want to put you on the spot. I'm going to.
What color shirt are you wearing right now?

Speaker 12 It's sort of a white with pink and gray.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, Scott. So I guess I am the only one honoring Tiger.
I'm wearing red. I wore red all day.

Speaker 12 North wore red and black on Wednesday for our show. Yeah.

Speaker 12 Yeah, gave him a text, told him he was holding it down for him.

Speaker 1 Good, good.

Speaker 1 I failed.

Speaker 12 I didn't honor Tiger.

Speaker 1 You failed. I know there's been masters that he hasn't competed in, but it does feel...

Speaker 1 Can you feel it? Like that when he's not there? Because it feels that, like we were talking about it on Thursday and Friday. It doesn't have that.

Speaker 1 It's almost like a gravity force where it's like, okay, there's a lot of golf going on, but what's Tiger doing?

Speaker 12 It's not kind of like that. It's exactly like that.
I mean,

Speaker 12 there's no denying that in the absence of

Speaker 12 Woods, there's this kind of,

Speaker 12 I don't know, it's just he injects

Speaker 12 a different level of excitement. And it was wild on Saturday.
There's that brief rain delay. And naturally, your CBS is like, let's see, what should we put on? Oh, I know, 19 Tiger.
How about that?

Speaker 12 And, you know, when the golf starts back up in the afternoon, there's part of you that's like, okay, well, good, let's get back at it.

Speaker 12 And then there's part of you, I'm sure, that people are like, no, I want to watch Tiger win because what he did that day was nuts just in terms of the emotion of the moment. And

Speaker 12 so, look, everybody knew he wasn't going to be around.

Speaker 12 And there are a bunch of young players that I think people like. And

Speaker 12 if, you know, if when DeChambo plays well, I think he captivates a lot of attention. Speeth does, but it feels more golfy with him.

Speaker 12 It feels like it's more of a golf crowd that kind of follows his ups and downs in every move.

Speaker 12 I think there are a ton of young guys that are compelling, and the sport has got plenty of people that can carry it well. It's rated well without Tiger, but particularly here,

Speaker 12 there's just no denying that

Speaker 12 not having him,

Speaker 12 you lack what he provides, and it's really something that only he provides.

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 5 I was wondering if you got a chance to run into Sir Nick this weekend, and if you did,

Speaker 5 can you tell me how long he's planning on growing his sideburns out for?

Speaker 5 Because right now, Nick looks he's going for like the aging trombone player in a ska band look, and he's pulling it off, but I just don't know how much longer and sharper they can get.

Speaker 12 Like the specials, like, who are we talking about? Like a good one or like a knockoff?

Speaker 5 No, like a really good 1980s ska band. He's been around.
It's like him and the lead singer are the only two remaining members. Yeah.

Speaker 12 I think

Speaker 12 I wanted to tell him this because

Speaker 12 we were actually at a small function, and I had intended to tell him that I thought he looked like a villain in a Guyarichi film who like snatch or something, like he'd walk in and say, hello, Gavna.

Speaker 12 But I wanted to say that to him, but then I chickened out and didn't and just played it straight. But

Speaker 12 I was talking to him, and I didn't hear a word he said because the whole time, all I was looking at was the side of his head going, look at those fucking sideburns.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're astounding. They're majestic.

Speaker 1 They are. They really are.
They're incredible.

Speaker 5 They really are.

Speaker 12 And he's fully committed.

Speaker 12 That's not like a, oh, just

Speaker 12 let it go for a week. I mean, that's clearly where

Speaker 1 he's full on.

Speaker 12 Hey, you said. Sir Nick with the sideburns.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, you said that you talked to David Duval today? I did.
Where is he doing the coverage?

Speaker 12 Yeah, he was there with the golf channel. We'll be together at the PGA in a month doing...

Speaker 12 hosting our hosting the PGA championship stuff. So yeah,

Speaker 12 Duval does golf channel stuff, sometimes does our stuff, sort of.

Speaker 12 You know,

Speaker 12 he's figured out the a la carte thing. Yeah.
He's smart. Dude, just do some stuff with these guys, do some stuff with them.

Speaker 1 You know, I like what he's doing. I like that.
So, no,

Speaker 1 so I was watching pre-masters coverage today, and they had, I think it was whatever it was, Mark O'Meara. So, David Duvall finished second that year.

Speaker 1 And it was like one of the last years that he was up at the top, and he always had the coolest fucking sunglasses of all time.

Speaker 1 But have you ever, like, has he ever sat down and talked to you and been like, man, things just kind of escaped me. And it just, like, he is, he's a poster child for golf is a cruel sport.

Speaker 12 Yeah, but, like,

Speaker 12 I've known David for a long time, and he's, he's, I, I really, David's been a friend for a lot of years, and we've talked, like,

Speaker 12 I think we talked on the air some about this. Like, he was a guy that number one was this pursuit, wanted to climb the mountain, and he did, and he was a major champion.
He's number one in the world.

Speaker 12 And I think he got to the top of the mountain and looked around and was like, so this is it, right? And it didn't, it wasn't like it made him fulfilled. It didn't change his life.

Speaker 12 And then, you know, he got married, he had children, and like, and he hurt, I mean, he got hurt.

Speaker 12 The reason, the reason that he did golf kind of went away is because he hurt his back and he had health issues.

Speaker 12 And so I think he's actually, it's not like it's a sad story in a sense, Big Cap, because he did realize all his potential.

Speaker 12 And when he got to that place, it wasn't like he was as happy as then he ultimately ended up being just in life.

Speaker 12 And, you know, when you've been a number one in the world player, when you've stood in the arena and you've been able to do it, I think you earned the right to talk about it pretty much forever.

Speaker 12 And so he's doing that now, and he's really good at it.

Speaker 12 But you're right. I mean, he was a guy that was one thing and now is something different.

Speaker 12 But in his case, it wasn't like he just lost the ability to hit a golf ball as much as his body just kind of broke down and betrayed him a little bit.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think he was also done a disservice at the time because when he won, it was billed as like, we're going to have Tiger against David David Duvall for the next 20 years.

Speaker 5 So strap in, get ready to enjoy.

Speaker 5 If it wasn't for that aspect, because we were so thirsty for like a legitimate rival to Tiger at the time, that we put all those expectations on him that wouldn't have been there if Tiger was not in the picture.

Speaker 12 But as we look back now with the understanding of what was going on then, there were a lot of guys that were supposed to be one thing that, you know, like Davis Love won a ton of money, but he won one major.

Speaker 12 You know, Ernie L's won majors, but he'd have won a pot full more if he wasn't dealing with Tiger Woods. There Anybody in that era that just dealt with

Speaker 12 Tiger in his whatever, in his 20s,

Speaker 12 I don't know. I mean, you were kind of up against

Speaker 12 like this superhero figure, which is why not a couple of years ago, Duvall had the great line about these young guys said they wanted a chance to see Tiger at his peak, and they wanted a chance to go toe-to-toe with him.

Speaker 12 And Duvall said, the hell you do.

Speaker 1 You don't want that.

Speaker 12 Trust me when I tell you. That's not what you want to see.
And we got a brief glimpse of it there when Woods won in 19.

Speaker 12 But I mean, at this stage, you know, and who knows now after, you know, an accident, who the hell knows what will happen. But,

Speaker 12 I mean, I think that just that one little glimpse that those guys got of what Woods at his peak was gave them an idea.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And what about you, Scott? Do they let you play Augusta? Do you have that ability if you could get a tea time there?

Speaker 12 I mean, I know people.

Speaker 12 I have played it. I won the media lottery once, which was

Speaker 12 nuts. And I took like, this is, this is pre-you know, cell phone, you could take, although cell phone pictures, I'm sure, will probably be frowned upon.

Speaker 12 But I just had like, like, like a drugstore camera, and I took like 800 pictures, like a tourist all day.

Speaker 12 But maybe someday, maybe someday I'll get back out there. I mean, people have been very kind and have been nice to suggest that maybe we could get down and play.

Speaker 12 But I mean, you know, busy, busy, a lot of stuff, work, kids, the whole bit. Someday, though, maybe we'll get back out there.
Speaking of which, I have an important question I have to ask you guys.

Speaker 12 Okay. I'm standing in front of a vending machine.
I I didn't have any dinner.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 12 there's something called a big Texas cinnamon roll.

Speaker 1 Oh, and it looks just horrible.

Speaker 12 And I want to know, like, there's nothing really else to eat except there's also a jumbo honey bun, which looks iffy.

Speaker 1 Give us the rest of the options.

Speaker 1 Give us the rest of the options. I don't think you go big Texas cinnamon.
There's something called

Speaker 12 big Texas cinnamon roll. There's a jumbo honey bun.
We got some Cheez-Its. Hard to go wrong with them.
Cheez-Its?

Speaker 12 And then there's some chocolates, but I want something that feels more like food than like chocolate.

Speaker 5 Right, so here's the thing with the Big Texas cinnamon roll, because I've had it once or twice. It's about like 2,500 calories.
So it's a meal and a half.

Speaker 1 It's heavy.

Speaker 5 It's going to sit in your stomach.

Speaker 12 It looks like it would be like really thuddy.

Speaker 1 Like it might

Speaker 12 the belly and land really hard.

Speaker 5 I'll put it this way, Scott. You're about to get on a plane.
If you want to make sure that you don't have to use the restroom while you're on that plane, then eat the Big Texas.

Speaker 1 Wait, do you have animal crackers? Animal crackers?

Speaker 12 I don't see

Speaker 1 animal crackers. Animal crackers in like Cheez-Its or pretzels.
That's as close to a full meal that you can get from a vending machine without feeling like shit.

Speaker 12 I mean, I'm looking for some sort of a jerky, some sort of a protein sort of deal.

Speaker 12 We don't have that, but it sounds like the Big Texas PFT feels like will keep me bound up for the flight, which is good.

Speaker 5 I mean, it's going to serve a purpose.

Speaker 5 You're not going to love it, but it's like you're taking medicine, right?

Speaker 1 It's going to knock you out. Just take a bite.
Just take a bite and then throw it out. That's what you do.

Speaker 12 And then you're like, I didn't even need it you should be having uh the pimino cheese sandwiches you should have packed a couple of those for the road yeah you want to know the sad thing the sad thing is this costs the same amount it's a buck fifty for the big pig buck fifty for pimento cheese um all right so i had one last playoff by the way fellas that's not the play chicken salad on the brioche that's the new that was new for 2021 you ate about 11 of those today Wow.

Speaker 5 Was there any pushback on the menu? Like it changed and people are like, what the hell is this vegan stuff? Chicken salad?

Speaker 12 Nah, nah, nah, nah. They keep, I mean, the standards are the standards.
Egg salad, tobenko cheese, those never waver. But then every, you know, they add a little bit of new fare.

Speaker 12 This year was chicken salad on brioche, which was, again,

Speaker 12 I ate a kind of an

Speaker 12 I don't know. I ate an excessive amount of those.

Speaker 1 All right, so I had one last question.

Speaker 1 I do have to mention that you mentioned kids.

Speaker 1 I sent Scott a clip. My son was infatuated with Scott's voice on Fridays, the longest he's ever watched TV.
But then when you came on the screen, he just started yelling dad at the screen.

Speaker 1 So I don't know what the fuck that's about. Whoa, so we got questions.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what's going on there, but he thinks you're his dad.

Speaker 12 I feel like I have a soothing voice for children. I feel like I should read children's books.
If it were new, like, in like animated films, I could be like

Speaker 12 a character that would make the children happy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'm actually shocked you haven't been invited to do any voiceover work. You, because you would rec four.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would be a hit. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I said animate.

Speaker 12 Well, I mean, from your lips to God's ears. I mean, I've been, I've done, you know, I did some video game stuff.
We were in Tigers video game.

Speaker 12 We were also in the aqua team hunger force uh it was called it was called

Speaker 12 what was it called mutant pro-am or something

Speaker 12 look it up right look it up um i swear to god there's a golf video game for the aqua team hunger force that i did um i don't know that it sold as many as the tiger video games but i haven't been in any on any uh cartoons which i I feel like PFT is going to get that sorted for boner dogs.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Boner dogs.

Speaker 1 We'll get you in. You'll be the announcer for the dog race.
Yes. That's perfect.
That's perfect. So

Speaker 1 I'm going to do an English accent like I did with Nick Faldo and just say, hello, Catholic. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 You can be both. You can interview yourself.

Speaker 1 Well, this whole entire episode, you don't even know this, but this entire episode has been memorialized for Prince Phillip. So that's perfect.

Speaker 12 Wow. Pour one out.
I'm going to get some.

Speaker 12 I'm going to get like a can of dry ginger ale. I'm going to pour some out

Speaker 1 for him. No, Prince Philip loved Big Texas cinnamon rolls.

Speaker 3 That was his favorite snack.

Speaker 1 He should have had another bike.

Speaker 1 That's why he only lived to 99, not 100.

Speaker 1 All right, my last question.

Speaker 1 Do you have a Fats Russell jersey yet?

Speaker 12 No, no.

Speaker 12 Fats is in the transfer portal and he's headed to Maryland. But I mean, you know, we're excited.

Speaker 12 How good a name is Fats?

Speaker 1 The best.

Speaker 1 You know what it is, too?

Speaker 1 I think you'll have another resurgence where people who watch college basketball, you know, and then flip on, I'm really talking about gamblers who flip on a URI game against Dayton on a Wednesday night, and and they're like, this guy's name is Fats?

Speaker 1 Once he goes to Maryland, everyone's going to be like, holy shit, there's Fats Russell? Dude, that's Fats. It's Fats.

Speaker 12 Are he led the show one night? Yeah.

Speaker 12 He led the show one night when he was at Roadie because he had like 41. Yeah.
It was, I think, two years ago.

Speaker 12 Little did I know that someday he'd be my favorite player and that I'd end up with a jersey with fats.

Speaker 1 Do you think, though, that the Maryland success that will happen next year, which I'm sure it will. They've got a great recruiting class.
Yeah, it will. No, no, not recruiting class.

Speaker 1 They're doing the transfer portal. Do you think that's kind of cheap?

Speaker 12 Do you think it's cheap because Wisconsin doesn't have anybody in there?

Speaker 1 No, just answer the question. Don't make this about me.
I'm asking you a question. Do you think that your success next year, which I'm sure you guys will have tons of success at Maryland,

Speaker 1 is cheapened by the fact that it's all transfers?

Speaker 12 I don't because

Speaker 12 this is what, listen, when Duke started getting guys in the transfer portal, then it meant everyone was in the pool. And if everyone's in the pool, the hell with it.
Like, what are you going to do?

Speaker 12 You're going do it with with the purity and sanctity of like going out and getting some three-star guy from oshkosh yep from kenosha yep or something well have fun with that we're gonna go get guys we're gonna go get starters out of the portal and try to win a title you guys are on the must bus he's got 25 guys listen

Speaker 5 we're hypocrites there's something that's it's just it's classy and honorable to uh talk to a kid when he's 12 years old and keep talking to him until he goes through college and then you win with him yeah as opposed to getting you know just a mercenary from an adult Yeah.

Speaker 1 I agree in theory.

Speaker 12 Listen,

Speaker 12 we're joking, but we're not.

Speaker 12 I completely agree that when you recruit a guy and if they stay for four years, there's something awesome about them winning.

Speaker 12 But in 2021, when everyone is just out there and it's just like chaos, it's like a swingers convention at closing time and everyone's just trying to find somebody to leave with.

Speaker 12 Well, then, like, whatever.

Speaker 1 Listen,

Speaker 1 I'm just getting myself ready ready for Maryland being good and knowing that you're going to be so insufferable about it. So I have to find a way to coach.

Speaker 12 Why do you keep saying this? I'm not in the middle.

Speaker 1 Well, Maryland's going to be great. I'll tell you exactly.
They're going to win the title.

Speaker 5 Scott, I'll tell you exactly what Big Cat's doing right now.

Speaker 5 I know him pretty well, and he is acknowledged in his own head that Maryland will be a very good team. So he's moving the expectations window right now for you.
No, they're going to win the title.

Speaker 5 So if you make it to the Elite Eight or the Final Four and you don't win, now Big Cat can be like, that's a failure.

Speaker 1 They have to win the national title by 20 points plus.

Speaker 12 See, all this is cruel and unreasonable.

Speaker 12 I just want to beat you, and

Speaker 12 we don't have to play you in the Coal Center, and I complain about officiating, which I started doing about mid-first half this year, but it worked.

Speaker 1 It worked.

Speaker 1 You hate Wisconsin at the Coal Center more than pretty much anything in the world. And I understand.
Brad Davison.

Speaker 1 doesn't foul.

Speaker 12 Which is weird because I love Madison and I love Madison people, but you guys think you've never fouled anybody because you coach not to foul.

Speaker 12 And then if someone calls a foul, the entire building acts like an outrageous crime against humanity has taken place.

Speaker 1 You guys should try to get that true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Try not fouling. It might work.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, Scott, thank you as always.
Really appreciate your time. Enjoy the big Texas cinnamon roll for Prince Philip.
Shout out our guy.

Speaker 1 RFP. Legend.

Speaker 12 I'm literally going to buy it. I'm going to buy the Big Texas.

Speaker 12 And if this is like, if I eat it and I have an untimely demise, I just want to say I appreciate spending the last moments on Earth together with you guys.

Speaker 12 And

Speaker 12 it was worth it. The Big Texas, I hope, was worth it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we're going to find out real quick if you die on the plane, and we're going to edit this part out so it doesn't make us look like a comedy.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. We're going to keep it in.
We'll get so many people listening. Oh, here's how Scott Key dies.

Speaker 1 Here is

Speaker 7 his impactful last words and in parentheses was about

Speaker 12 a big Texas cinnamon roll.

Speaker 1 He died with 100 milligrams of sugar in his belly.

Speaker 5 He died as he lived.

Speaker 12 I'm going to send you a picture of it because I'm buying it right now.

Speaker 1 It's heavy, I'm telling you.

Speaker 5 That thing is got some girth to it, so Godspeed.

Speaker 1 All right. Thank you, Scott.

Speaker 12 Be well, boys.

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Speaker 1 Okay, we are going to finish up Monday's show with a Monday reading. Monday readings are back.

Speaker 1 We do Monday readings whenever we have something that is Monday reading worthy, And this turns out that it is very much so Monday reading worthy. So it is something that Hank found on

Speaker 8 AWL DM'd it to me.

Speaker 1 So shout out to AWL. Shout out to AWL.
And it is titled

Speaker 1 An Interview with the Man Who Keeps Uploading

Speaker 1 My Feet to WikiFeet. So WikiFeet, I guess, is a

Speaker 1 fetish site for feet. PFT, you can see that.
I'm not familiar about it, yeah. No, I'm not a foot guy.

Speaker 1 All right, so we're gonna do the QA, and what we're gonna do is: so, this writer, I think she's a

Speaker 1 politics writer, she found her feet online at WikiFeet. Then she found the guy who's been uploading it and did an interview with him.

Speaker 1 And we're gonna have Jake be the part of the foot fetish guy, and PFT and I will be the part of the interviewers.

Speaker 5 We're yeah, we're Lauren Bassett.

Speaker 1 And we're gonna stop at random spots to laugh about this. Okay, I'll start.
Robert. Is it just Robert or do you go by something else? You sound young.

Speaker 9 Yeah, just Robert. And I'm almost 60 years old, young lady.

Speaker 5 Do you consider yourself a foot fetish?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Since when? Age six. Okay, Chris.
This is already just not me. Jake, that's very specific.
No, that's you. That's very specific.

Speaker 5 Don't break character. That's very specific, Jake.
What happened to you when you were six?

Speaker 9 A couple things have happened, but we'll start there. I have five sisters.
Well, I had five. Two of them passed away.

Speaker 1 What a fucking brutal thing to just drop on.

Speaker 9 But a lot of their friends would come around, and we had a pool in the backyard, and they'd be barefoot. You know, they'd be here while my sisters weren't here.

Speaker 9 They'd just come over and use the pool, and I would give them foot massages.

Speaker 1 Oh, so it was actually kind of his parents' fault for having a pool.

Speaker 5 I was going to say right off the bat, it actually sounds like he was talking about how he had a lot of sisters, and then he wanted to sound like he wasn't being a creep about his sisters.

Speaker 5 So he said, actually, it wasn't my sisters. It was their friends who were over all the time when my sisters weren't even there.
Right.

Speaker 1 You totally didn't want to fuck your sister, Jake.

Speaker 1 What was the other thing?

Speaker 9 When I was about nine, these new people moved on my block, right? They were older girls and they had their own pool across the street.

Speaker 9 We were playing this game and they were like, well, we have to tie you up because we captured you, you know? You're the bad guy.

Speaker 9 They tied me to a lawn chair with my hands over my head and my feet tied down and they started tickling my feet and it just drove me crazy.

Speaker 9 I think that's what made me realize there's nothing wrong with it. It's fun.
I just didn't feel like it was weird or anything. So I'm thinking to myself, hey, what's the problem with this?

Speaker 9 This is who i am i'm not hurting anybody i'm not robbing banks just let it ride that's why i decided who gives the stit

Speaker 1 okay i'm already on this guy's side he might be people are gonna say he's a creep but the minute you drop off the like hey i'm not killing anyone i'm not i i'm not part of like you know the nazi regime in the holocaust like i'm not dealing heroin just going though as far as you're not robbing banks anytime you say i'm not robbing banks to justify what your behavior is yeah you're doing something awesome yeah you're just trying yeah it's perfect to just be like listen in the in the grand scheme of things no one's dying right he's just anchored the negotiation the fuck out of this negotiation yes and i'm now on his side so how many photos have you posted there

Speaker 9 well for example if i'm watching oh wait you missed one oh how do you how do you interact with wiki feet how much time a day do you spend on it well for example if i'm watching a movie with a beautiful actress that i like i'll go on there and check out her feet or if i'm reading a story about someone like you who I think is very pretty, I'm going to go check and see if she's on there because I'm curious and I love feet.

Speaker 1 So that's definitely the creepy part is that like it's just a random writer.

Speaker 5 Anytime you see somebody that's moderately attractive, you're like, I wonder, let's see if their Tootsies are online.

Speaker 7 Get those feet.

Speaker 5 It's like how if we're watching some sort of sporting event and we're like, that dude's good. I wonder how much money he makes.
And you look at his contract.

Speaker 5 That's the curiosity this guy has.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. All right.
How many photos did he post there, Jake?

Speaker 9 A couple hundred.

Speaker 5 Ooh, and how did you first discover my feet?

Speaker 9 I can't remember how I first discovered you, but I looked on Instagram and saw you on there, and you had a lot of barefoot pictures.

Speaker 1 That's how he discovered her.

Speaker 1 Okay, keep going.

Speaker 9 And I just followed you. That was all.
I also like your dog.

Speaker 1 I like Pedro. He's cool.

Speaker 9 Your feet are quite beautiful, by the way.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 I'm now back. So I was on his side when he said, when he did the old sleight of hand trick, being like, I'm not Robin Banks.
I'm like, he's right. He isn't Robin Banks.

Speaker 1 Now I am fully on the side of the writer here being like, this guy's creepy.

Speaker 1 When you compliment someone else's dog, that you've never met him, and you've also been uploading their feet to WikiFeet, that's a little bit much.

Speaker 5 And then he tosses in at the end, like, your feet are quite beautiful, by the way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hey, just so you know, I want to fuck your feet. All right.

Speaker 5 I thought that part was pretty obvious. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Thanks. What makes a foot attractive to you, Jake?

Speaker 9 I like the painted toes. I like an arch.
The more pronounced, the better. I'm kind of weird with the toes.
I like a rounded big toe. If it's more square, it's okay, but the rounded is better.

Speaker 9 I definitely like the soles, but I like the arches. That gets you turned on.

Speaker 5 The arches, the arches, yeah, because the arches, that's, I mean, if I were to put myself in the shoes of a foot fetishist, it's like that's where your dick can go.

Speaker 1 Well, also, it's like, yeah, like you like the curves, you like the humps, you like the bumps, the cleavage, the foot, right? The cleavage, yeah. Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 5 I also like how he's like, I like a rounded big toe. If it's more square, it's okay, but the rounds, that's the ones that this guy just likes any foot.
I think you could see the more metal.

Speaker 1 Flat feet.

Speaker 5 No go. Oh, I got flat feet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you're out. Okay, so he needs those arches.

Speaker 5 Can't fuck you, bro. Sorry.

Speaker 1 You can't wear a push-up bra, aka arch support like the Doctor Souls and get away with it with this guy.

Speaker 5 I've noticed that sometimes within 10 minutes of me posting an Instagram short story that shows my feet, the screenshot is up on WikiFeet. How does that happen?

Speaker 5 Do you spend all your time on Instagram waiting for new foot content to drop?

Speaker 1 Wait, before you say something here, Jake, that is, okay, this is now full-blown. This woman deserves to put this guy in jail.

Speaker 5 So, he probably has alerts on his phone.

Speaker 5 You can't get a story alert, can you?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but that's a he's just always on Instagram. This is now, and I'm not going to fetish shame, but this is too far.

Speaker 1 This is very creepy.

Speaker 5 If I were her, I would start posting just all pictures that cut off right at the start of my foot.

Speaker 5 Although this guy might try to track her down and kill her.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is not okay. All right, so go ahead, Jake.

Speaker 9 I don't sit here looking for it. If I tap

Speaker 1 it, I'll put it on there.

Speaker 9 But I'm not sitting here all day staring or anything.

Speaker 1 That doesn't pay the bills. Yeah, okay, buddy.
All right. So why not just look at feet on Instagram or screenshot them for yourself? What do you get out of posting them to another website?

Speaker 7 This is a great question.

Speaker 9 You know, it is a great question. I don't really get anything out of it.
I just like to share it. I mean, people like feet like me, and you have beautiful feet.
I just put it on there.

Speaker 9 I just think I'm helping other people out. I mean, I do save some for myself.

Speaker 1 Oh, jeez.

Speaker 9 There isn't much of a community on WikiFeet. It's not like people can heart the photos or whatever.
Sometimes someone will send you a little note like, that's a good picture. Thanks a lot.
Good job.

Speaker 9 That's really it. You don't really connect with anybody.
I just like to share the picture with other people. I'm generous that way.
Like that one of you on the stoop in what was it?

Speaker 9 A flying nun getup and you were barefoot.

Speaker 5 I was dressed as a handmaid for Halloween. You posted that one?

Speaker 1 Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 9 That was very sexy.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. All right, so wait, I want to stop for a second because this guy,

Speaker 1 this is the root of it right here.

Speaker 1 Well, he obviously loves to fuck feet and he wants feet, right? But this is what every

Speaker 1 seemingly weird thing online boils down to. Remember the Flat Earth

Speaker 1 documentary? And you watch it and the whole time you're like, wait, these people don't really care about Flat Earth. They just want friends and they want friends online.

Speaker 1 He's just doing this so that a few people reach out and be like, good job with the feet picks, dude. Keep them coming.
He's looking for like kinship. Yes, I agree.

Speaker 5 He has, when he says like there's not really a community on wiki feet there's definitely a community and he wants there to be more of a community okay that it might not exist like on the wiki feet website they probably have like jesus they probably got the creepiest discord in america going on you know what this is actually

Speaker 5 This is what Ron and Jim Watkins were destined to do. They would be really good at this Wiki.
If you saw this, there needs to be a Q documentary, but about this website instead of Akun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would watch that. I'm actually back on his side.
I'm flip-flopping here, but this guy... I flip-flopping.

Speaker 3 Yeah, don't say you're right.

Speaker 1 Well, open open toe. Do you think he's like a sliders guy? Like the old school like Adidas?

Speaker 5 The Adidas that have the

Speaker 1 thong the bottom?

Speaker 3 He likes the thong.

Speaker 5 I think the thong because you get a little separation in it. That's true.
The sliders, they're okay. Right.
But you can't really see the arches. You can't see the arch.

Speaker 1 But no, what I was going to say is that he... My favorite thing about the internet is that every little pocket of the internet thinks that the rest of the internet is a bunch of freaks.

Speaker 1 Like if you go, if you have, like, a bunch of people who spend all their time on Reddit or a bunch of people who spend all their time on Twitter or the YouTube comments, they think everyone else is like, could you imagine being on Twitter all day?

Speaker 1 It's like, but you're doing Wiki feed all day.

Speaker 5 Uploading strangers.

Speaker 1 Right. And I think a lot of the world's problems would be solved if everyone just realized that, like, we're all kind of losers if you're online a lot and it's okay.

Speaker 5 What do you think they did way, way back in the day?

Speaker 5 If you grew up in like a super rural community and you had a foot fetish, you didn't have the internet, you had like maybe three people people that you saw on a daily basis, and two of them were your family members.

Speaker 5 The other was like the guy that lived across the street or whatever.

Speaker 1 Do you have a pool?

Speaker 5 Do you know? You don't have a pool. Oh.
No. So what do you do?

Speaker 1 That's just like a honey trap.

Speaker 5 Do you think people knew that they had a foot fetish? Or do you think that they would

Speaker 5 just like sit back and close their eyes and imagine a foot? Like Spank Bank stuff.

Speaker 1 This is like the question of, you know how they used to outlaw like kids writing left-handed? No. Yeah, they used to basically not let kids do things left-handed.

Speaker 5 Satanic.

Speaker 1 And then when they started letting people do, like, be naturally lefties, a rise in lefties happened. Everyone's like, well, where did all these lefties come from? It's like, well, we suppressed them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we've been suppressing foot fetishes.

Speaker 5 Which came first? Before the rise of the internet and like the photograph, even? Yeah. Did people have foot fetishes?

Speaker 1 Do you think if this guy grows up in like Toronto, he has a foot fetish? Because I think the pool really has a lot more to do with it than he lets off.

Speaker 5 He had access to feed at a young age.

Speaker 1 Always. Yeah.
That is a pool. he basically it'd be like why are you addicted to cocaine well i grew up next to club you know 54.

Speaker 1 yeah is that what it is well i grew up in medellin yeah right is that what club 55 studio 54 studio 54.

Speaker 1 yeah there we go that's like it's dude you were you had access to feet yeah if you constantly in canada you probably or it might become like more of the forbidden fruit oh so you got to grow up somewhere in like because you only see ohio you only see

Speaker 5 ohio seems maybe like five bare feet a week yeah on a good week yeah you just hang out uh like by the rink at the ice skating rink waiting for people to change.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right.
Back to the questions. Do you ever think about how it might be a bit invasive to take someone's personal photos and put them on a fetish site without their knowledge or consent?

Speaker 1 That some people might be unsettled by that. That's a great question.

Speaker 9 Yes, I do think that, you know, except I can't call up Jennifer Aniston and ask. But it does cross my mind because I have five sisters and six nieces.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 5 Three sisters. Two of them passed, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 9 And I guess not everybody would be kosher with it. Believe me, it crosses my mind.
I do have a conscience. I think people seem to have a good sense of humor about it.
I mean, you obviously do.

Speaker 9 Some celebrities say it's a badge of honor.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a lot. That happens all the time.

Speaker 5 Quentin Tarantino.

Speaker 1 I love that this guy just dropped numbers on her head. Being like, I got 11 women that I know that I'm personally related to.

Speaker 1 Those are numbers. Uh-huh.

Speaker 5 I'm looking up all of our names, by the way, right now in WikiFeet to see if we're on there.

Speaker 8 I mean, that once upon a time in Hollywood, when it's just like her feet, that was one of the craziest things.

Speaker 5 Visit WikiFeet men.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I'll do the next question.

Speaker 1 I noticed that WikiFeet has a pretty strict rules. Actually, these are kind of boring questions.
Let's get to the better questions.

Speaker 1 What are the best feet you've ever seen?

Speaker 9 Marilyn Monroe, Kate Beckinsale, Laura Bassett. I'm ASS Kissing, baby.
Grace Kelly, Rita Hayworth. Oh, my God.
I love her.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. You've posted Rita's feet?

Speaker 9 Yeah, I did, but she's gone, so I don't think she gives a S-H-I-T.

Speaker 1 Oh, good point.

Speaker 1 Do you rate women's feet on

Speaker 1 WikiFeet?

Speaker 1 Do you ever rate them poorly?

Speaker 9 No, you know why? And this is silly. Like, I know these people, but I don't want to hurt their feelings.
If they're ugly, I just don't go there again.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 5 Okay. They have a merch section on their website here.

Speaker 5 Don't drink in WikiFeet.

Speaker 5 That's on a sweatshirt that they have. Okay.
Dave's on the website. Okay.
There are seven pictures of Dave's feet on the website.

Speaker 1 Surprising. He probably put them on there himself.

Speaker 1 What are your main interests besides feet and the Yankees?

Speaker 9 Live music. The last concert I went to was Little Steven and the Disciples of Soul at the Beacon Theater.
November of 2019, just before I got this damn heart surgery that almost killed me.

Speaker 1 Ooh, you almost died.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I had a quadruple bypass and it was a heck of a lot of fun. But you know what? When I was in Florida in the hospital, I've had a couple surgeries.

Speaker 9 I had the nurse coming in at night showing me her feet I actually took her out to dinner a couple times I can just get girls out of their shoes it's a thing I can do

Speaker 1 I love that the foot whisperer all right you might be Quentin Tarantino this might be the Q-man all right so I I'm gonna land here on this guy I think he's right it's not robbing a bank I do think that he should stop like

Speaker 1 stalk seemingly stalking Instagram of

Speaker 1 women. He should probably stop doing that.
Agreed.

Speaker 1 I'm cool with him having a foot fetish, but maybe just don't. Just be a passive foot fetish guy.
Like, look at WikiFeet. That's the part.

Speaker 5 That's the part I don't get because there's something else to the fetish that goes beyond just enjoying looking at feet. When you're like, I know 700 horny guys that will also work with me.

Speaker 1 He wants friends.

Speaker 3 He wants friends. WikiFeet is his group chat.

Speaker 1 Right, exactly. So we need to get him friends, and then he'll just be, again, a passive

Speaker 1 feet guy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I wonder what would happen if you just put this guy, if you took away the internet from him, took away his phone, and just put him and like five buddies on a beach with an open bar, if he would like, you know, if he would go crazy being like, I need to share these feet with somebody, if he would like start drawing pictures of the feet, or if he would just be able to enjoy himself like a regular human being.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he actually should just go be like a bartender at a pool in Miami. Oh, that's the life.
Right? Like that's... Think about that.
Like if you were a super,

Speaker 1 let's hypothetically.

Speaker 5 He should be a shoe salesman.

Speaker 1 Hypothetically, PFT, if you were like a super horny guy. Yeah, okay.
Hypothetically.

Speaker 5 I'm going to do some method acting.

Speaker 1 Hypothetically. Done.
Right. If you were a super, super horny guy, like you would probably find a job that like could get you, you know, looking at women and being horny all the time.
Right.

Speaker 5 Like working for a website that posted like bikini shots or something. Correct.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Correct.

Speaker 1 I would.

Speaker 5 Editor for JT. Hypothetically, I would, yes.
So this guy, he should work. If he's a lawyer or whatever, he would trade it all in a heartbeat to go work at foot lockers.

Speaker 3 Yes, he should do it.

Speaker 1 He should absolutely do it. Or like a bowling alley.

Speaker 3 Watch, like, hey, let me see those feet real quick.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know.

Speaker 5 The bowling alley is tough because it's all behind you.

Speaker 1 They do get very smelly.

Speaker 5 I think most foot fetish guys probably have a smellier, the better philosophy, too, where they like to smell them.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 5 What do you think? Well, are you guys laughing at that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, hey, are you laughing at our laughing of a foot fetish? No, no. Our fetish is to make fun of the foot fetishes.

Speaker 8 I think bowling alleys might be your best bet because it

Speaker 8 guarantees that people have to take their socks off. Right.
You're getting the guaranteed flesh.

Speaker 5 Oh, being a bartender at a sushi restaurant. Everyone takes their shoes off when they come inside.

Speaker 1 Socks. There it is.

Speaker 8 Socks are like your worst enemy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, socks are bad. Banned socks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, banned socks are bad.

Speaker 5 Socks are bad.

Speaker 1 He hates socks.

Speaker 1 He's like doing a sock burning.

Speaker 1 He's just buying them all up and burning.

Speaker 5 No shirt, no socks, no service.

Speaker 1 Less socks in this world. All right.
that is our show. Great show.
We got Bill Burr on Wednesday. Ooh, get excited.
Get some great guests coming up.

Speaker 1 All right, let's pick numbers. Bill, you got a fact? 99.
8.

Speaker 5 34.

Speaker 1 No, 35. 18.

Speaker 1 15.

Speaker 9 66.

Speaker 5 The San Francisco garter snake is very endangered and is worth the Google.

Speaker 1 84.

Speaker 5 Randy Moss.

Speaker 1 Love you guys.

Speaker 5 Love you guys.

Speaker 9 Hank, is is the podcast up yet? 84 now tied for five times the most ever with 52.

Speaker 1 Talking away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't know what I'm to say. I'm saying, anyway.

Speaker 1 Today's unlighted day to find you shy away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay?

Speaker 1 Take on

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 Take me

Speaker 1 on.

Speaker 1 She was a rich woman, she had rich taste. She felt the blood running through her veins.

Speaker 1 She liked the life she had, she loved her big cats, and the beauty of being untained.

Speaker 1 Needless to say,

Speaker 1 I won't say this.

Speaker 1 Everything was fine, just as sweet as wine. But her husband wouldn't disappear.

Speaker 1 Tell a little way.

Speaker 1 It got a little crazy, it got a little hazy, and the cops said there's something wrong. Say I'm me,

Speaker 1 it's for better to be safe than someone.

Speaker 1 Mama's got

Speaker 1 to drink me all

Speaker 1 here.

Speaker 1 You can't find this taste in the silver.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 he keep on

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 But can he

Speaker 1 go?

Speaker 1 It's part and my take presented by Bar School Sports.