Masters Recap, Scott Van Pelt, And Monday Reading

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Japan has their green jacket. Awesome story.
And we have a full recap of the Masters.

We have Scott Van Pelt from Augusta, as is a tradition unlike any other Scott Van Pelt calling us while he walks through the woods in Augusta, Georgia. We have Who's Back of the Week, and we have a Monday Reading, a great Monday show for everyone, and we're brought to you by our friends.
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All right, back to part of my take.

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All right. Back to part of my take.
Should be a coffee lover. Today is Monday, April 12th.
And I wanted to just point out, I'm not going to point fingers or anything, but I'm the only one wearing red for Tiger. I red on me so i don't i don't know i thought i thought we were well i'll just master's sunday and i that's a big cat well i it was a sneaky it's not that sneaky i thought we all agreed we texted the group we would wear red every single sunday until tiger is in another masters i think tiger would have won this Masters, I'll be honest with you.

I agree.

So actually, when you said in the intro,

the first Asian person to win a Masters tournament,

Tiger Woods.

From Asia.

From Asia, yes.

From Asia.

It was actually a cool moment at the end when his caddy bowed to the course.

Yes.

Ultimate respect for Augusta.

Oh, there we go.

Hank now has his red on, so welcome to the show. Hideki Matsuyama is your Masters champion 2021.
I'm wearing black for Prince Philip. There we go.
Gone too soon? Respect. Gone way too soon.
But yeah, it was kind of a snoozer of a Masters. Very cool story in that Hideki Matsuyama is the first Asian-born player player to win a Masters first time obviously Japan 85 years the the fact that like a guy has entire country like hopes and dreams resting on his shoulders I don't know how he fucking does it yeah like I I think about like the pressure of these moments and then you add in, and it's incredible, and he won it somewhat easily.

Yeah, so there was a moment on the first tee where it was like,

is the moment too big?

Is he going to choke this way?

Then he bailed himself out on that hole.

I think he salvaged a bogey, right?

But he was way off in the woods on that first tee shot.

That first tee shot was very relatable.

Yes.

Because it was like you could tell.

He's sitting there.

He has an unreal second back nine. We're golf guys.
I was going to say second nine, but I meant back nine on Saturday. Moving day.
Moving day. Moving day, which a lot of people were confused what moving day is.
Moving day is a real thing. Yes.
A lot of people thought it might be movie day, which it also kind of is, but it's moving day. He sits overnight with a four-stroke lead and then comes out and just totally biffs his drive.

And it was a very relatable moment of like, you probably were thinking about this way too much, dude.

It is fucked up that they make you tee off in front of everybody.

Yes.

Like that's got to be the nerves in that situation have to be bad.

And then he almost choked it away on the back nine.

Yep.

But then second nine. Second nine.
Xander Shoffley bailed him out by choking harder than he choked. And for maybe five seconds, it looked like we might have some competition going into the back three holes.
Aiming corner, as we call it. The last three innings is what they call it.
Yes, the final third of the golf course uh but yeah i think i mean he played the best golf all week and uh it was it was very cool to see i'm actually very excited to see what the master's dinner is going to be like next yes if i'm hideki i serve blowfish liver and let the chips fall where they may maybe thin out the field a little bit holy shit see who gets poisoned yeah poisoned. Yeah.
That would be okay. I like that.
I like what you're thinking there. I also, so I was reading up about Hideki after he won.
He's a notoriously private guy. So not a lot out there about him.
But he was asked on Saturday, there was a 77-minute weather delay. And a reporter asked him what he did during it.
And he said he sat in his car and looked at his cell phone so as far as i'm concerned this guy is us awesome and i love him yeah like just getting lost in your cell phone instead of you know i don't know stretching or keeping loose he's just like no i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna check out some memes i'm gonna look at twitter yeah and i'm gonna hop back on the course i i did read one article about him. That's a lie.
I read two paragraphs of an article about him. That's good for you, dude.
And he loves – The guy loves sake. That's his defining characteristic.
So Rick Riley's tweet was okay. Rick Riley really mailed that one in.
He really did. Even by Rick Riley terms when he said, Hideki will never have to buy another sake in Tokyo.
Yes. It's like, yeah, okay, he's actually not from tokyo yep i think he's actually from a city called matsuyama oh okay they should just name this say that the city is now named after him it is after he went but yeah official riley mill i don't know if that even counts as he like pigeon delivered that one in no he farted that one he was already he was sitting on the beach or he was sitting on uh what is it lake cuomo yeah Andrew Cone, No, he farted that one out.
He was already, he was sitting on the beach, or he was sitting on, what is it, Lake Cuomo? Yeah. Andrew Cuomo? No.
He was sitting on Cuomo. Lake Cuomo.
Lake Cuomo. Yeah, Riley didn't really care for that.
But I'll tell you what, we should also say the real winner of this Masters is Brooks Koepka, competing on one leg like a warrior. Walking paralyzed man.
Exactly. So the fact he was even able to get out there and play two rounds of golf.
Yes. That's impressive.
There was a lot of discussion on Friday about our classification of Brooks as a hero. I don't know where these people are coming from.
For my entire life, I've known a hero is someone who plays 36 holes on a hurt knee. That's a hero.
Injured knee. Injured knee.
He was injured. I have a question for you.
Okay. Do you think, so Xander Shoffley flirted with it.
You alluded to it. It was, there were maybe three minutes of compelling masters.
No, I should take that back. Because there was the beginning.
And while Hideki was like kind of going through it when he had that double bogey or whatever it was, that was compelling. So in the process and then right after until Xander hit his T-shirt.
And my guy, Will Zalatoris, who we've got to talk about in a second, he came out birdie-birdie. So that was exciting.
But, yeah, there was like a five-minute span where it was like, oh, my God, Hideki's in the drink. Shoffley's going to maybe get the oats within two strokes.
I thought to myself, is there a chance that if Xander Shoffley wins the Masters, does Jim Nance drop and X is going to give it to you? Yes. Well, no, it was going to be Faldo.
It was going to be the Patrick Reed Imagine Dragons. In honor of GMX who tragically passed away.
Do you think he was thinking that? I think Faldo had it queued up in his head. I think that instead of saying, like, lightning and the thunder and the thunder and the lightning and the thunder, it was going to be Faldo saying, like, either X is going to give it to you, or there was another one that he had queued up.
I'm trying to remember what the other big line. Because I was thinking the exact same thing.
I like your take, by the way, that nick faldo might have a more nappable voice than jim nance i think he does yeah because it's softer now jim nance you can tell he's amped up whenever he's in augusta like that this is jim nance's vacation that he takes every year is when he's actually working at augusta so he's like he's excited don't get me wrong it's still the same asmr for dads where it will put you to sleep but when i hear faldo it's like you just hit me in the face with like a gram of Dramamine. Yes.
And I'm just like, I'm just free basing NyQuil at that point. I also like Nick Faldo, Sir Nick Faldo, sorry, apologies.
Sir Nick Faldo's ability to be the gatekeeper of all of golf. He oftentimes drops like our game.
And I kind of like that. I like that we have a gatekeeper out there watching over for us i also um the the like i love the masters everyone loves the masters it's it's great it sucked that it wasn't super exciting down the stretch but i did will zala torres was uh my guy i was riding him like a horse i was hoping that he was gonna uh you know come through he is he's the one to watch.
I think we need to get him on the show. I think we need to add him to our stable of Brooks, Max Homa, and I think Will Zalatoris.
I think he's ready. With the Adam Sandler bump.
He got the Adam Sandler bump. He's just got a hilarious frame to him.
It's like you always say Michael Phelps' body was made to be a swimmer? His body was made to be a golfer. No shoulders or torso whatsoever.
Long arms. The torque.
Just the torque on that. The spin rate.
He looks like if Billy had taken up TikTok instead of sports. Yes.
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, he is.
If he stands sideways, you can't see him. Yeah.
Like, it's crazy how skinny he is. So I think we're going to have to add him to the stable.
I also felt like a total fucking idiot when people were tweeting about the Adam Sandler thing on Saturday, I want to say. And someone had created a meme that was like, he actually was in Happy Gilmore.
And I was like, holy fuck. And I almost retweeted it.
I was like, you fucking asshole. That movie came out 40 years ago.
And he's like 24 years old. So credit to me for not doing that.
But he is the guy who won who didn't win. Yeah, and it was fun hearing Jim Nance say he's LaTorre.
Yes. That was just erotic.
No bonks. No, that's a bonk.
In a platonic way, it was hot. Yeah.
Other things. I've got a Colin Coward take.
Okay. You ready for this? Yeah.
I think that Augusta National is the Kardashians of golf courses because everyone talks about it all the time. It's perfectly manicured.
It always makes sure that it's presented in its best light. You know, they always go, even with the papers that they give you, they give you like a wrapping paper for a pimento cheese sandwich or a barbecue sandwich.
That's green. So even if it falls on the ground, you don't see all the trash getting blown around.
They always make sure that, it's always got its best foot forward and they will go out of their way to make sure that it is never presented in like a frumpy light. They take care of maintaining the image of the golf course, and they probably both won't let Lamar Odom onto their property.
That's true. That is also true.
So that's my con coward take. I like that.
I like that. Oh, I remember what I was going to say.
Matsuyama. So he wins the Masters 85 years, waiting for the green jacket, Japan, all this stuff.
I also think that he is the most – that was the most successful run that someone has ever had wearing their sunglasses on the back of their hat. So not only were they on the back, but they were on the back and upside down.
It was fucking badass. Right, like that move is usually for a guy with truck nuts who's going to road rage and probably like, you know, inhale some computer duster, right? Like that's a totally different type of guy who's wearing their sunglasses backwards or upside down on the back of their hat.
And so he doing that, there's got to be a group of guys who are probably way too sunburned and have the coconut shell necklace. Yeah, the pukas squeezing the life out of them, cheering in their trailer being like, he did it for us.
I would say it's a chubbier guy move, too. Like a guy with a goatee, kind of like the Chris Moneymaker type face.
That guy probably usually rocks him upside down and backwards. The only time that most sunglasses guys, and I speak as one, I would never even think to going backwards and upside down.
Yeah, so it's a power move. I might have to start rocking a second pair that's just kept backwards.
Like that guy, I feel like a guy who wears his sunglasses like that is just like underwater in debt but has a sick boat. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like can't keep up with his mortgage but he just fucking added another 450 horsepower to his boat. Yeah, you know how sometimes they tell you that if you're in a place in the world that has a large tiger population, you wear a mask that has eyes on the back of your head to keep the tigers away? With him, you put those on the back of your head.
If somebody's wearing sunglasses on the back of their head, it's just to keep cops away from them. Right, everyone who's listening to Like, I can see you.
Yeah, everyone who's listening to this podcast in Jacksonville, Florida right now is just

nodding along.

Uh-huh.

I'm like, yup, yeah, my boat is sick, so I'll figure future me problem for the house

I can't afford.

I would also say that we should probably give some credit to the golf cameramen.

Mm-hmm.

Sometimes you forget what a difficult job that must be to be able to track the ball in midair

and have it perfectly in the front. Do they have, like, software that helps hank do you have any idea i don't think so they're always just like straight on point with it i have no idea how it's done i'm kind of out on the hd camera though though super hd it doesn't it doesn't hit the same in all places it doesn't really great on on nfl right ufc was weird because there was no fans right this one's like okay so it okay, so it's just a dude.
They actually did a couple with fan shots. So I'm just looking at a slightly overweight, middle-aged white dude with a polo.
I could just look in the mirror. That would be super HD, right? Yeah.
More than slightly overweight. Also, Faldo had a very, excuse me, Sir Nick had a very Jake-like especially today as prince philip is is lying in state he was probably knighted by prince philip yeah right yes so uh jake did you catch this when sir nick this was on like you know what let's just listen before we do this let's just say that the rest of this show is is honoring prince philip yes and also queen elizabeth from here on out the rest of this episode is the prince philip do you think that that queen elizabeth is going to like take some time like go on a house still got a groove back type vacation is she gonna go out with the girls little single lady yeah i mean she's been waiting for a long she's been married for what like 80 they started dating when when she was like 13 years old dude the the uh fact that like the the Megan Mark markle and uh what's the what's his what's his name harry harry that and the fact that prince philip is so old has just opened the world to jokes about the royal family how sick would it be if steve harvey hit on the queen stole the queen took her to america she abdicated yeah too.
Yeah. And now guess what? We got your leader.

Listen, whenever someone dies over the age of 90, the jokes are fair game.

Except Betty White.

National Day morning when that happens.

I'm going to probably have to make a few jokes.

Yeah.

Definitely.

I'm going to need some time off. It's like you lived a fucking awesome life.

99.

Although he was like a month and a half away from 100.

That's tough.

Like you were right there. That's why he got the heart surgery was's like, I can see the finish line.
And he was looking healthy. Yeah, he looked great.
Like, skin care? I don't know what his routine was. Again, this is all in memory, so this is all lovingly.
Right, we're remembering the good times. All the different times we actually thought he was already dead.
He probably looks better now. Yeah, he definitely does.
He's in a better place, literally. I mean, they always put, like, the mortician, they dress you up.
They glow you up big time. Yeah, for sure.
So what are you going to say, Jake? I was going to say, Sir Nick had an awesome take, and this was when there were still nine holes of golf left to play. He said, I think that if he wins, Hideki will be the one who lights the Olympic torch this summer.
Woo! What do you think about that? I like it. Wow.
Makes sense. That's a Romo call.
Yeah, it's a Romo call. That's a Romo call.
I started to think about it. I was like, who else in the sporting world right now? Otani? Shohei? Shohei Otani.
Shohei Otani? Rui Hachimaru? Is Rui Hachimaru your guy? Itru? Yeah. Itru, I feel like, is...
Yeah, he's literally a legend. He's the legend.
They should have Shohai throw the torch to Hideki and have Hideki hit it with a three-wood. Yeah.
Or Ichiro, slap it and run to first. Yeah, and feel single.
Make contact with it. Yeah, I thought that was a great take, and it was something where I was like, only Jake and Sir Nick Faldo would be thinking about that right now.
Yes. Other relatable moments that happened in the Masters.
Billy Horschel having twice, he had to take his shoes off in hole 13, Saturday and Sunday. That sucked.
I know you can't just quit, but I would definitely quit there. I also had a moment where I love watching major championship golf because they're so fucking good.
And the smallest error becomes this huge thing. So Hideki goes into the water.
I was watching it. Hank and I were sitting there.
He goes in the water, and then he gets back onto the green. And then it pops up, and he's like, he's putting for bogey.
And I was like, what? I would, in my wildest dreams, getting a bogey at Augusta would be the coolest thing ever. Whenever water hits, you're thinking like, oh my god, this has got to be like a nine.
Nightmare, yeah. It's tough on a par three.
Right. Like when Xander hit a double bogey.

That's when Sir Nick should have dropped the, so after he goes in the water, he should have said, as X would say, he's got to stop, drop, time to hit the third shot.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Yeah.

I guess X won't give it to us, talking about a dramatic finish.

Yeah.

It would have been amazing.

And then Dustin Johnson just bouncing after he put on the green jacket for Hideki. He's got places.
I'm out of here. That's got to suck so bad to miss the cut and have to hang out for two days just while everyone.
I know Max Homa did hang out and there was a lot of talk about his pee belly. I don't know if you saw that scuttlebutt online.
I didn't see the pee belly. Stomach looked a little, and he said that he had had a couple beers and he had to pee really bad.
So, yeah. Yeah, it's fine.
He was just filled. Right, right, right.
It's a sign of a healthy secretion system. Right, right.
Exactly. Urinary system.
And then, I mean, Bryson, what happened there? Oh, Bryson took a money shot from himself. Yeah.
You see that spit that he had? Yeah, he spit all over himself. Somebody put the Brazzers.
Billy, that's your assignment for tomorrow. Put the Brazzers logo on Bryson just dribbling a loogie onto his own chin.
It was like spit and I think he was kind of doing a snot rocket at the same time. Out of his mouth? Yeah, it was gross.
He got one hole. It was so gross.
But yeah, he didn't sue so well. I didn't realize that Patrick Reed wore a CBD hat.
Yeah. That's very funny.
Which is like, there's no way that his wife allows him to take CBD. No, absolutely not.
It's like podcasters and Patrick Reed are the only people. It was purple too.
He looked like the purple hoser. They should have had, Zlatoura should have worn it because it said CBD.
Zlatoura should have had one that just said CHD, call her daddy. Ooh, that would have been nice-promotion.
And it would be sick if Phil Mickelson just said, weed. Yeah, I'm just going to the hard stuff.
That'd be sick, yes. It was nice seeing Phil out there.
It was like, every 20 minutes, Jim Nance would be like, and here's Phil, and it's always sad whenever you know that you've had a bad tournament on Sunday when they're like, and here's Hideki Matsuyama hadn't even teed off yet. And they're like, and here's Phil at hole 17.
And it's like, all right, he's wrapping up. He started at 9 a.m.
Phil was actually a case of was the tournament too short for him because he started to play well. I think the times that I saw him on Sunday, Phil got hot at the end.
John Rahm got hot. John Rahm got hot at the end.

I think I understand why people like Jordan Spieth now.

Because Jordan Spieth, after every shot, he's like yelling at his ball every single time.

Yeah, no, he's a head case, man.

Total head case.

It's kind of fun to watch when it's in the air.

And he's like, he's giving his ball specific instructions.

He's like an old person that you run into in the countryside of Ireland

when you're asking him how to get to the highway.

He's telling his ball, like, okay, make a left at this tree, take two hops, and then put the backspin on it, and then it ends up in the water. He's like, ah, shit, I blew it again.
Yes. Last thing before we get to our who's back, and we're going to do more Masters talk with Scott Van Pelt in a minute, some great insight from Augusta.
Jake, we asked you, you have the call in Japanese and Italian and Hindi. Because last time we said you should do it in Indian because we're looking for more Indian listeners.
People were wrong. It's not a language.
Hindi is a language. Also, can you do X going to give it to me in Japanese? We can work on that.
It's Hello Friends, a tradition unlike any other. That's the translation.
It's not the final call. Just do that.
Okay. All right.
Japanese. Konichiwa Tomodachi.
Hokuto wa chigau dento. That was good.
Beautiful. It was elegant.
I practiced a little bit. Of course I did.
Now Italian. Remember, use the hands.
Chawamichi. Una Una tradizione diversa delle altre.
Ooh. You're getting a lot better at this.
Yeah. And then Hindi.
This one I've never practiced before. Oh.
Because it's a last-minute edition. Hilo Dostan Ek Parapara Kise NAK Vipari.
Okay, we're going to need some work on that one, but that's fine. Baby steps.

At least we got the name of the language this time.

That's correct.

Correct.

Correct.

We're evolving.

Good job, Jake.

Thank you.

I like this.

I think you need to...

I would actually like if you would just learn three or four more languages.

That's a lot.

Yeah.

All right, two.

Two more languages.

Fluent.

Any championship, I'll do the final call.

So we have the final four of the masters. Yeah, I would like to also see you do some sign language for deaf listeners.
Yep. They're out there, Jake.
Yes. Yes, they are.
And maybe some typing in Braille for our blind listeners. I can type with my eyes closed.
That's insensitive. That's not.
It's nothing at all like what they deal with. We should probably cut that.
No. That was mean.
No it wasn't mean you it for it to be mean you would have to be like mean-spirited you just set it off the cuff you were actually saying like i have the ability to type with my eyes closed exactly right yeah apologies if i know you're okay um all right let's get to who's back of the week who's back the week is brought to you by our friends. We're going to get right back to the show.
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It's a crunchy rag. I got a bunch of who's back.
It's my first one, Ronald Acuna Jr. Face of baseball? Face of baseball.
He should be. He's a freak.
I think we have to be having that conversation. He had like a 420-foot home run, and he beat out an infield single on the same game.
He's got it all. Five tools.
How many tools?

Five.

Can you list the five tools?

Five plus.

List the five tools right now.

Running, fielding, hitting, thinking.

Name sounds cool.

Name sounds cool.

Ronald Acuna Jr. is an awesome name.

Has the tilde above the end, as Bryce Harper pointed out.

Ronnie.

Ronnie.

What are the five tools?

Running.

Running.

Throwing. Throwing.
Hitting. Hitting for power.
Yes. Hitting for power.
Hitting for contact. And then babbit.
Fielding? No, fielding. Yeah.
Glove work. Yeah.
Wouldn't fielding be? Speed. Speed's on there tonight.
It's running. I think there are seven tools.
Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
It's five plus. Yeah.
Easy. Who's back? Is Shane O'Mac getting thrown off the cages? That just happened? Happened last night.
Fuck yeah. It's just a nice little thing.
You can kind of always like check your calendar out. You know, when is this going to happen? When was the last time Shane O'Mac got thrown off like a giant surface onto the ground? But okay.
Even though it's 51, it's still going down. Yeah, and he's very rich and he doesn't have to do this.
And credit to him for just still doing it.

It's crazy.

Yeah, it's awesome.

How about Triple H just straight up sandbagging us on an NFT talk?

In the interview, he was like, yeah, it's something that we...

Did he do the wink?

Was he like...

He was like, it's something that we might be looking into in the future.

And then the very next day, WWE dropped a shitload of NFTs on us.

He did call the Bad Bunny being into it.

It was an awesome match.

I watched it.

It was so sick.

Yeah, Bad Bunny, legit.

Makes up for his Corona commercials.

Yes.

Who's...

Is that your...

I had posterizations as well.

Miles Bridges.

Woo!

It was quite a dunk.

What's the next level after a poster?

Because that's what that should be.

Is it a mural?

That was such a violent dunk. A yeah clint capella water colors that was just i think get out of the way or just injure him you got timelined because the entire timeline was just videos of that exactly right that's exactly got timeline big time is that it hank we're good uh My who's back of the week is receiver swag.
Wide receivers playing above their swag level. I saw Billy tweet about this, I think, too.
The NFL is just, I guess, giving clearance to wide receivers to wear single-digit numbers. Is that official? It's a major there-go-is-the-neighborhood moment.
I think it's going to happen. Peter King leaked it out, and when Peter King has a scoop like that, it's Roger Goodell just being like, Peter, you are my trial balloon.
Yeah, they're changing. They're allowing all new numbers, right? I hate it.
I don't like it either, Hank. Yeah.
It broke my brain when I saw it. I was like, this isn't fair.
Because it's not only that. It's like linebackers can wear any number now, too.
Imagine a linebacker wearing number 25.

Yeah, I hate it.

That's crazy. That's what Georgia football does.
Do you want the entire NFL to look like Georgia football? I don't. And when it comes to wide receivers that are wearing single digits, give me a nice boxy 88 any day of the week.
I think what they should do. It's the TikTokers being like normalized receivers wearing any number they want.
Here's what they should do, though. It's bullshit.
They should make it so that you get, let's say, five single-digit numbers on your entire team, and it just has to be your five best players. That would make it, like, if your best player is a guard, they wear number six.
Like, it's just, that's because I actually, I'm going to say something nice about soccer, but the best player on the team wearing number 10 is kind of cool. Yeah, who's the stand this year? It would be cool if it was like the best player wears this specific number, maybe each position group.
Like who is the seven? Okay, the seven is the best linebacker out there. I think that would be cool.
I agree with that. Billy, you don't like it either, do you? I think, you know, it was all about how, like, there's no eye in defense.
And it's like, how are you going to have a team of a bunch of single-digit linebackers? I forgot exactly what I said, but. It's WeFence.
Yeah. Are you? Yes.
I think that if you're wearing, like, a number one or two, that should either be for, like, the best kicker or the worst quarterback. It shouldn't be a wide receiver.
Yeah, but it also, I think it's badass when number two is a sick defensive end. So that's just, in college it looks weird.
It's cool to have Jadavion Clowney when he was in college, and he wore the single digit, it looked awesome, but it also broke my brain, my scouting brain. I was like, how does this guy project to the NFL? Wait, is this guy going to play quarterback in the NFL? Just saying.
I like having those rules in place that keep my brain in a neat, orderly parameter. No, I agree.
Instead of having to do all this math in my head by looking at numbers. Yes, I agree.
It's fucked everything up. Is that it? That's it.
Okay. My who's back of the week is the debate of whose man is it for the Brooklyn Nets.
So, the Brooklyn Nets lost to the Lakers on Saturday night. Prime time.
A Lakers team that didn't have LeBron or AD out there. And it has been pointed out that the Brooklyn Nets this year, they are 36-17.
They are 27-7 with James Harden playing and they are 9-10 without. James Harden is the best player on the Brooklyn Nets.
Well, what's the record been since they got Blake? I don't know. It's probably like I think they've lost a couple times.
I know they lost to the Bulls. Let's say 5-2.
Okay, that's pretty good. Yeah.
So it might be Blake's team. That's a guess.
But 5- two. I do love the who's man's conversation.
It was inevitable that we were going to have that conversation when it came to this. But I kind of watched the game last night, and I knew James Harden was out.
But I also, there were times I was like, wait, they should just have James Harden score. Like, they need to get back in this game.
They should just have James Harden do James Harden things. So I'm kind of buying, I guess it would be my own thought, of just James Harden's the best player on the team.
I just love the idea that Kyrie takes these personal days, just like depending on what cycle, what is it, like what phase of the moon we have going? Like what stage is it Aquarius rising? He's taking a day off. What are you going to do? He's taking a day off.
Let him take a day off. And then my other who's back is the Corp is back because A-Rod, what's the next best thing when you can't buy the New York Mets? You buy the Minnesota Timberwolves.
It's literally a pretty good consolation. When they list all the franchises in all the sports, I think Mets and then Timberwolves come right after the Mets.
I mean, everyone always talks like the major markets. You talk about the Mets, the Yankees, the Lakers.
Historic teams. The Minnesota Timberwolves.
George Mikan. Yeah.
Listen, you spend a lot of time talking about early stages Kevin Garnett. Like how great he was.
The Trell Sprewell. Yeah.
Have you asked if he's going to move him? Ricky Rubio. I have not asked, but I know that Spencer Hawes is already asking, so I said, yeah, maybe.
Everything's out there. Have you reached out at all? I actually enjoy congratulatory...
No, no. It's definitely a move, though, for A-Rod.
He is buying that team to move it. To Seattle.
It'd be funny if he moved it from Minneapolis to St. Paul.
Well, the good thing is, if you're a Timberwolves fan, you're like, was A-Rod going to move this team? I don't think A-Rod will. And his co-owner is also an upstanding guy who made all his money at Walmart.
So no way will he move this team. No, no.
No chance. He's about the communities.
Yeah, right. The mom and pop shops are what are most important to him.
So, the corpus going to minnesota how does j-lo feel about minnesota she seems like she'd be a big fan yeah the lake minnetonka the mosquitoes ever heard of it the state bird of minnesota yeah prince he's dead but we can't know we can't yeah i was gonna say we can't do a prince show and a prince Philip show this is a Prince Philip only show but yeah Timberl I do appreciate the few stray people on Twitter who like actually get mad at me being like you better not move the team to Seattle like you you really think that I mean if Aaron's smart he would say that it was all your idea yeah that's true I will be the fall guy if I I actually would love to be the fall guy in that situation because then I'd be the fall guy either way. You want to keep the team in Minnesota? I'll be the fall guy that Seattle can blame me, and I'll be the king in Minnesota.
You want to move the team to Seattle and have me be the fall guy? I'll be the king of Seattle and the fall guy for Minnesota. You at least just one city you can't go to forever.
The other one, you're the fucking... The ruler.
I would be... You know what, though? You would be the king of Minnesota if you kept the team there.
That's what I'm saying. It's like if the team doesn't move.
Either way, just let me be fall guy. But if you move into Seattle, I think there are already people out there that are going to be like, thank you, Paul Allen, somehow, for moving the team here.
Yeah, yeah. Another one.
We can't do the RIP show to him. Princeville.
Princeville.

Who got all Paul Allen's guitars?

Did Jim Ursay kill Paul Allen

so he could take his guitar collection?

I don't know.

Somehow I'm going to look into.

Jake.

Blake, 12 and four.

Or, that's 12 and four.

I was pretty close.

Five and three.

Yesterday was the first home loss.

Okay.

All right.

So, 12 and four.

Yeah.

I wasn't. No, I was pretty far off.
Pretty close. No, I wasn't.
Thank you, Jake, but I wasn't. All right.
Crashing. Percentage-wise.
No, still wasn't. Five out of seven and then 75%.
No, I still wasn't. Five out of seven.
Five out of three. 72% and then 12 and four.
I said five and two? Yeah. Oh, okay.
Then I was close. All right.
71%. So it's Blake's team.
Yeah. Crashing the boards.
Ennis Cantor had 30 rebounds in a game on Saturday. That is crazy.
How bad were his teammates shooting? There's just some stats in sports that it's just like jaw-dropping. That is crazy.
In the box store, you see 30 rebounds? Yes. It doesn't seem possible.
Has anyone ever had a triple-double with fewer than 10 points? Oh, with like blocks or steals? Yeah, blocks or steals. I was watching an old clip of Shaq in college, and he had a triple-double with blocks, and it was so fucking sick.
He would just catch the ball as he was trying to shoot it. Yeah.
He had like 11 blocks. 30 rebounds is insane.
And then congrats to Liam. His UMass Minutemen won the Frozen Four.
Whoa, let's go, Liam. Hockey school, you just say that, and everyone has to respect it.
Just keep moving. Yeah, hockey school.
Got it. Billy, you got a who's back before we get to SVP? Just a quick one.
Fans are back. Turn the fan on you know what you're you're kind of right i turned my air conditioning on for the first time last yeah it said i mean i have a fan in my room i just turn it on and it's going to be on until like you know september or october yeah so that's always a good feeling it is a good feeling do you like the sound of a fan does it make you fall asleep easier yeah a little bit of uh you know underlying noise for sleeping.
It is a good feeling. Do you like the sound of a fan? Does it make you fall asleep easier?

Yeah, a little bit of underlying noise.

You thought about saying white noise, but you didn't.

Yeah.

So the first time that I spent the night in a hotel room with Hank and Big Cat,

they turned on their fan apps without telling me they were about to do it.

It was one of the most bizarre things. I was just looking around in the room like, is this normal? I need to have white noise.
You have to announce that, though. You have to be like, hey, I'm going to turn on this loud screeching sound.
It wasn't screeching at all. That's not what a fan sounds like.
A heads up would have been nice. I got a bad night's sleep that night and forgot my wallet at the Cleveland Q Arena or whatever it is.
We weren't even in the same room. We were just in a shared, like...
It was the same room. Was it? Yeah.
Hank was on the couch. That's right.
Maybe it was the bus. But also...
No, I remember the hotel room. I remember being just startled and being like, are you guys okay? Not yet.
It's an amber alert. I think a lot of people sleep with fans on.
Yeah, but I just, you know, heads up would have been nice. I think it's a totally normal thing to sleep with a fan on.
Not screeching. Not even close to screeching.
No screech whatsoever. It's just a shh.
Half the people just fell asleep. That's true.
You put that with Sir Nick's voice?

Yeah.

Billy, what did you get into this weekend?

Why aren't you in the studio right now?

You know, I'm just studying.

I got this long paper going.

We're laughing because Billy, he is a real-life drill tweet where he was essentially saying, like,

hey, guys, I don't know if I'm going to be in

because I have a big test on monday and then another paper on tuesday and they're like so what are you doing saturday he's like whoa i have to enjoy myself i'm like you know you're right you do it's your senior year but yeah your time management is a very i actually would like a time management like a a detailed breakdown, maybe on Friday's show.

Dude, I found this huge stump and I climbed it next to the river.

It's actually really cool.

And that was what you did instead of studying and coming to your job.

I found the highest place next to a body of water and I got on top of that motherfucker.

And then I jumped into the river.

It was sick.

Did everyone cheer?

Wait, how cold was the water? Oh, it was the perfect temperature. What? No, it wasn't.
Did you do a pencil dive or you go ahead first? It's like the second day that it's been nice out. Dude, it was great.
It was just like, it was a perfect, because it was like 90 degrees out. No, it wasn't.
Where were you? Billy was so drunk. You just imagined all this.
It was 62 degrees. You were in New York.
No, I sent you guys a picture of the stump. Okay, let's see this stump.
We'll see this stump and we'll get to Scott Van Pelt. He just sent us a picture of Bryson with Brazler's logo.
That's a good picture, honestly. He's a good me and Billy.
Well, it's going through. Here it is.
There you go. All right, we got the stump.
Wow, what a stump. It's a pretty big stump.
Bro, and you jumped off this? And you climbed it? Wow. So that's why you're not here today.
Who's your friend that's on the stump, your friend that's, like, way out of shape? oh that's why you're not here today Who's your friend that's on the stump Your friend that's like way out of shape Oh that's me Oh fuck You got titties dude They're pecs I don't think that's what pecs look like Alright let's get to Scott Van Pelt It's a pretty big stump How'd they cut that stump down What happened to it Exactly That's not like a place to swim it's a pretty big stump how'd they cut that stump down what happened to it exactly no so like i like that's not like a place to swim it's like behind behind like this old like construction site and we found it and then we just chilled there for the whole day cool we're gonna get right back to the show high five casino lets you play your favorite slot and live table games like blackjack with the chance to redeem for real cash prizes.

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All right, back to part of my take. Now here he is, Scott Van Pelt.
Okay, we now welcome on our very, very good friend. It is Scott Van Pelt.
I said it at the beginning of the show. It's a tradition unlike any other, having Scott Van Pelt on the show after the masters on Sunday.
So thank you as always. Uh, that had no drama.
None. Well, I mean for a second, like it was, but it was fake, right? I mean, it was like, Whoa, Whoa, what do we have here? He's in the water on 15 and then then Xander rinses one on 16, and then it was gone, which all credit to Matsuyama, who was brilliant.
But, you know, kind of like the title game the other night, right? Like you're waiting for UCLA Gonzaga again, and instead it was like, oh, no, but Baylor's just a lot better. And in this case, Hideki, who has – a lot of people have been waiting on this.
I mean, he's been really good for a long time, and this was his time. He was excellent.
So a lot of people don't know the difference between the Masters and other tournaments when it comes to how they handle the yardages and the yardage books that every player gets. In my mind, this is like the test of not only who's a great golfer, but a caddy.
Like, how good is your caddy? Because the stuff that they have to fill in on the yardage booklets, it's kind of insane. Can you kind of walk us through what goes into all that? Like a PFT drop in – like, what are you, Golf Channel? Are you Brando Chamblee on here? Dude, don't say that.
Yeah, we don't talk about Bricks, please, Chambliss. But you know what drew me in, Scott? I forgot.
I forgot. I forgot.
I forgot. I just hit it OB.
I hit it OB right there. Yeah, for people who don't know, OB means on board.
Awesome shot. Yes.
Awesome shot. Okay, so I'll try to extricate myself from this.
What I'm saying here is you know that a lot of the tour events, there are these books that have very specific yardages to everything. They have these books that tell you what all of the undulations on the greens are.
It's basically, it's CliffsNotes. Like, you know, I think, I know me and Big Cat, I'm pretty, you're smart, but I'm pretty sure we were kind of lazy guys, right? Maybe CliffsNotes here and there, just do what you had to do? SparkNotes was going to jam.

Well, these are CliffsNotes for the golf course.

And Augusta National, they don't provide them.

And you've got to sort it out on your own, which is, it's kind of why I wonder about Brandel Chamblee, about Bryson DeChambeau, because this guy has got so much information

in his brain, and he's grinding on so much of the physics and the humidity and the undulation and the rotation of the earth and that this, that, and the other, and his numbers. And he doesn't have all the info here.
And I almost wonder if it kind of jams up his airspace, so to speak, because you got to sort it out completely on your own. And I think, I think that's why you hear people talk so much about local knowledge

and about playing here for years.

Matsuyama 10 years ago was low amateur, so he's been here a ton.

And you figure stuff out over time, which is what makes what Zalatoris,

the rookie in his master's debut, that makes what he did incredible.

Because you're not supposed to be able to figure it out that quickly. And he looked like he belonged all four days.
Big Cat, I saw you were tweeting about him all throughout. Hard not to like him.
You know, fun guy to watch. He looks like he weighs about 120 pounds, and he's out there throwing punches on Sunday in Augusta.
Yeah, and it makes sense now what you're saying about, you know, like having to be there because everything I read was like, Zalatorala torres he's not gonna be able to hang because he doesn't have that institutional knowledge that guys build up over the years so matsuyama i want to give him a little bit more credit because it was phenomenal he was he kicked everyone's ass what um that though we were joking that the t shot on one that had to have just been him sitting all night on saturday being like i'm about to win a Masters, I'm about to win a green jacket, and then comes out and just totally shanks it. And I thought it was a very relatable moment to just a little bit of pressure, and then he got right back on it and it was good the rest of the way to go.
100%. And look, Justin Rose, who's played in a ton of Masters and Majors, is a major champ.
He shoots 65 on Thursday, comes out Friday morning, and his first tee shot is basically, you know, he was in the same exact spot as Matsuyama. It wasn't a shank, but, I mean, it's way right.
And all night, Andy North kept saying to me, you cannot comprehend the amount of pressure that's on this young man's shoulders because

in the in japan the the he is he's not their only star but he's the guy and typically i mean in

non-covid times he has his own media entourage who follows his every move and no japanese man

had ever won a major and andy who he does get a little bit, he's thrown a wee bit, a wee bit. I love him.
But every now and then he's a little bit of hyperbole. He's like, this is worth a billion dollars to him.
I'm like, do the math for me, Andy. A billion with the B's, a lot of commas, and a lot of zeros.
He's like, no, Scott, you don't understand. This guy's 29 years old.
He's got to have, you know, give him 40 years of being able to be, I'm the Masters champion in Japan. He's like, you could be a nine-figure-a-year guy.
And David Duvall, former world number one, who's a major champion himself, told me this morning, he goes, look, that's not crazy at all. He said, it might be conservative.
You can't fathom how much money this is worth. So you're sleeping on that all night.
You're trying to win the Masters because that's more important than the money. But if you win the Masters, you're going to get the money.
And, you know, shit, how could you not have those nerves? And so he hits one off the hosel on one and he makes bogey and he goes to the second tee and a four shot lead is all of a sudden down to one just like that. But I was surprised nobody was able to put any pressure on him, really, until Xander in the very end.

None of the guys that I thought would make, make a move Sunday really were able to, and his lead was pretty comfortable most of the way. And so you're right.
You're waiting all day to feel like, you know, the nerves and the drama and all this and that. And mostly, um, outside of a brief moment there on 15 and 16, it was, you know, I don't know if boring is the word.

I mean, it wasn't to me, but it wasn't the kind of, it didn't have the same punch that, you know, a lot of times the Masters does. It's always fun to watch no matter what, but it definitely, it wasn't the most memorable Masters.
No, of course not. So I had a question.
So our colleague Nate tweeted this out, and I thought it was a great idea. the evolution of how we broadcast all these sports.

Obviously, Augusta is probably going to not do this because they don't have to. But do you think golf will eventually get to a point where they have on the leaderboard how much money guys are losing for the places that they drop at the end, especially in a blowout like Xander Shoffley lost $575,000 when he double bogeys 16 or 15, whatever it was.
He goes from second place of 1.2 mil to $667,000. Like that would actually be compelling down the stretch if these guys are making putts even like at 12th or 13th.
Like he just made an extra forty thousand dollars i could i could see that other places i not at augusta because at augusta it's just it's the money in their estimation is is inconsequential you're gonna win a ton of it i mean he won more than two uh and zalatoris won seven figures on sunday i mean like basically matched what he wanted his whole life with, with a second place finish. But,

you know, the way they've, they see it. Um, you know, that's really not what you're playing for a regular tour event.
Like I think the PGA tour is going to be right there at the forefront of like live gambling and embracing that because they recognize that people that play golf, I don't care if it's country club golf or municipal golf, you want, you understand the idea of having a dollar on a line. And I can, I could see that at, for regular tour events, but you know, particularly the masters and majors, you know, and by the way, big cat, you don't need to do it because people, Twitter people are going to figure it out and Revell, Revell will have like what it, what it is and what your hat was worth for the five seconds you were on TV anyway.
Right, true. So what's the vibe like around Augusta in between rounds? Like you were just talking a second ago about hanging out with Andy North all night and him giving you all this inside info.
I like to imagine that that's exactly what happens. Like you guys just go to the bar afterwards, and Andy North just holds court and just explains exactly what's going to happen absolutely wrecked on sangria yep North North blind drunk on sangria honestly I mean normally these weeks are are incredible in terms of hospitality because you have like I mean you've got to come down and see it sometime like Rosimo came here and he's a pretty he's a pretty grades with a sharp pencil right like he came here and He's like, bro, I mean, you've got to come down and see it sometime.
Like, Rasimo came here, and he's a pretty – he's a pretty – grades with a sharp pencil, right? Like, he came here, and he was like, bro, I can't believe that place because it is the sort of a who's who of, you know, Fortune 500 types, and everyone's trying to outdo each other when it comes to hospitality. And so it is insane.
I mean, shout to our boys at Wheels Up, my guy Kenny Dichtny dictor you know him well the wisconsin badger like their party every year is the the party they've kind of done the same thing at the super bowl and obviously barstool your guys things have become massive shindigs as well but it's it's a little bit of who can top the other when it comes to who can get the best guests and who can put on the best um just the best parties but this year you know with things being what they are it's completely different um but it doesn't mean to me and north don't just sit around the house and get you know just get blind drunk on sangria and watch the golf channel just really get crazy we gotta go you also left out the biggest celebrity there this weekend ryan fitzrick, who was rocking the Hawaiian shirt. Did you get a chance to talk to Fitzy? No.
It was so bummed out because he's the quarterback of my team, Washington. He's the Washington quarterback.
And there were a bunch of football folks down here this week, and I saw none of them. I sucked this week.
I did such a shitty job of seeing people, and I mean, you kind of had to be in the right place at the at the right time and i never was but he was like a superstar out there in his short shorts and his beard just holding court with people i was bummed i i did a really bad job this week of seeing people really bad let me let me i'm gonna give you a chance to redeem yourself and i don't want to put you on the spot i'm gonna what color shirt are you wearing right now it's sort of a white with pink and gray stripes. Oh, no, Scott.
So I guess I am the only one honoring Tiger. I'm wearing red.
I wore red all day. North wore red and black on Wednesday for our show.
Yeah. And shot him.
Yeah, gave him a text. Told him he was holding it down for him.
Good, good. No, I failed.
I didn't honor honor Tiger you failed um I know there's been masters that he hasn't competed in but it does feel can you feel it like that when he's not there because it feels it like we were talking about on Thursday and Friday it doesn't have that uh it's almost like a gravity force where it's like okay there's a lot of golf going on but what's Tiger doing it's not kind of that. It's exactly like that.
I mean, there's no denying that in the absence of Woods, there's this kind of, I don't know, he injects a different level of excitement, and it was wild on Saturday. There's that brief rain delay, and naturally your CBS is like, let's see, what should we put on? Oh, I know, 19 Tiger.
How about that? And, you know, when the golf starts back up in the afternoon, there's part of you that's like, okay, well, good, let's get back at it. And then there's part of you, I'm sure that people like, Oh, I want to watch tiger win because what he did that day was, was nuts just in terms of the emotion of the moment.
And, um, and so look, we, everybody knew he wasn't going to be around. And there are a bunch of young players that I think people like.
And when DeChambeau plays well, I think he captivates a lot of attention. Spieth does, but it feels more golfy with him.
It feels like it's more of a golf crowd that kind of follows his ups and downs in every move. I think there are a ton of young guys that are compelling, and the sport has got plenty of people that can carry it well.
It's rated well without Tiger, but particularly here, there's just no denying that not having him, you lack what he provides, and it's really something that only he provides. Yeah.
Yeah. I was wondering if you got a chance to run into Sir Nick this weekend.
And if you did, can you tell me how long he's planning on growing his sideburns out for? Because right now, Nick looks – he's going for like the aging trombone player in a ska band look, and he's pulling it off, but I just don't know how much longer and sharper they can get i like the specials like who are we talking about good like a good one or or like a knockoff no like a really good uh 1980s ska band he's been around he's it's like him and the lead singer are the only two remaining members yeah i think he i i wanted to tell him this because we were actually at we were actually at a small function.

And I had intended to tell him that I thought he looked like a villain in a Guy Ritchie film who like snatch or something like he'd walk in and say, hello, governor.

But I wanted to say that to him.

But then I chickened out and didn't and just played it straight.

But it's I was we were I was talking to him and I didn't hear a word he said because the whole time all I was looking at was the side of his head going, look at those fucking sideburns. They're astounding.
They're majestic. They are.
They really are. They're incredible.
They really are, and he's fully committed. That's not like a, oh, just let it go for a week.
I mean, that's clearly where he's full on. He's Sir Nick with the sideburns.
Yeah. Hey, you said that you talked to David Duvall today? I did.
Where is he doing the coverage? Yeah, he was there with the Golf Channel. We'll be together at the PGA in a month hosting the PGA Championship stuff.
So, yeah, Duvall does Golf Channel stuff, sometimes does our stuff. Sort of.
You know, he's figured out the a la carte thing. Yeah.
I think it's smart. Just do some stuff with these guys, do some stuff with them.
I like that. I like that.
So, no, I was watching pre-Masters coverage today, and they had, I think it was whatever it was, Mark O'Mara. So David Duvall finished second that year.
And it was like one of the last years that he was up at the top, and he always had the coolest fucking sunglasses of all time. But has he ever sat down and talked to you and been like, man, things just kind of escape me? And he's a poster child for golf is a cruel sport.
Yeah, but I've known David for a long time and he's he's i really david's been a friend for a lot of years and we've talked like i think we talked on the air some about this like he was the guy that number one was this pursuit wanted to climb the mountain and he did and he was a major champion he's number one in the world and i think he got to the top of the mountain and looked around and was like so this is it right it, right? And it wasn't like it made him fulfilled. It didn't change his life.
And then, you know, he got married. He had children.
And he got hurt. The reason that the golf kind of went away is because he hurt his back and he had health issues.
And so I think he's actually – it's not like it's a sad story in a sense Big Cat because he did realize all his potential and when he got to that place it wasn't like he was as happy as in he ultimately ended up being just in life and you know when you've been a number one in the world player when you've stood in the arena and you've been able to do it I think you earned the right to talk about it pretty much forever and so he's doing that now and he's really good at it um but you're right i mean he's he's was a guy that was was one thing and now is something different but in his case it wasn't like he just lost the ability to hit a golf ball as much as his body just kind of broke down and betrayed him a little bit yeah i think he was also done a disservice at the time because when he won it was billed as like we we're going to have Tiger against David Duvall for the next 20 years, so strap in, get ready to enjoy. If it wasn't for that aspect, because we were so thirsty for a legitimate rival to Tiger at the time, that we put all those expectations on him that wouldn't have been there if Tiger was not in the picture.
But as we look back now with the understanding of what was going on then, there were a lot of guys that were supposed to be one thing that, you know, like Davis Love won a ton of money, but he won one major. You know, Ernie Els won majors, but he'd have won a pot full more if he wasn't dealing with Tiger Woods.
There were anybody in that era that just dealt with, you know, Tiger in his whatever, in his 20s. I don't know.
I mean, you were kind of up against uh like this superhero figure which is why not a couple of years ago duvall had the great line about these young guys said they wanted the chance to see tiger at his peak and they wanted a chance to go toe-to-toe with him and duvall said the hell you do right you don't want that trust me when i tell you yes that's not what you want to see and we got a brief glimpse

of it there when woods won in 19 but i mean at this stage you know and who knows now after you know an accident who the hell knows what will happen but um i mean i think that just that one little glimpse that those guys got of what what woods at his peak was um gave him an idea yeah and what about you scott or do they let you play augusta do you have that ability if you could get of tea time there? I mean, I know people.

I have played it. I won

the media lottery once, which was which was nuts. And I took like this is this is pre, you know, cell phone.
You could take all those cell phone pictures. I'm sure probably be frowned upon.
But I just had like like a like a drugstore camera and I took like 800 pictures like a tourist all day. But maybe someday, maybe someday I'll get back out there.
I mean, people have been very kind and it's been nice to suggest that maybe we could get down and play. But, I mean, you know, busy, busy, a lot of stuff, work, kids, the whole bit.
Someday, though, maybe we'll get back out there. Speaking of which, I have an important question I have to ask you guys.
Okay. I'm standing in front of a vending machine.
didn't have any dinner oh cool ranch street there's something called a big texas cinnamon roll oh and it looks just horrible and i want to know like there's nothing really else to eat except there's also there's a jumbo honey bun which looks iffy give us the rest of the options i'm just thinking can i give us the rest of the options i don't think rest of the options. I don't think you go Big Texas Cinnamon Roll.

There's something called Big Texas Cinnamon Roll.

There's a jumbo honey bun.

We got some Cheez-Its.

Hard to go wrong with them.

Cheez-Its.

There's some chocolates,

but I want something that feels more like food than like chocolate.

Right, so here's the thing with the Big Texas Cinnamon Roll,

because I've had it once or twice.

It's about like 2,500 calories,

so it's a meal and a half. It's heavy.'s gonna sit in your stomach for 20 it looks like it would be like really fuddy like i'm yeah yeah like the belly and land really hard i'll put it this way scott you're about to get on a plane if you want to make sure that you don't have to use the restroom while you're on that plane then eat the big texas, do you have animal crackers? Animal crackers? I don't see animal crackers.
Animal crackers in like Cheez-Its or pretzels? That's as close to a full meal that you can get from a vending machine without feeling like shit. I mean, I'm looking for some sort of a jerky, some sort of a protein sort of deal.
We don't have that, but it sounds like the Big Texas PFT feels like will keep me bound up for the flight, which is good. I mean, it's going to serve a purpose.
You're not going to love it, but it's like you're taking medicine, right? It's going to knock you out. Just take a bite.
Just take a bite and then throw it out. That's what you do.
Then you're like, I didn't even eat it. You should be having the pimento cheese sandwiches.
You should have packed a couple of those for the road. You want to know the sad thing? The sad thing is this costs the same amount.
a buck 50 for the big chicken buck 50 for pimento cheese um all right so i had one last question

by the way fellas that's not the play chicken salad on the brioche that's the new that was

new for 2021 he ate about 11 of those today wow was there any pushback on the menu like it changed

and people were like what the hell is this vegan stuff chicken salad nah nah nah nah they keep i

mean the standards are the standards egg salad pimento cheese those never waver but then every

you know,

they,

you know, they add a little bit of new fare. This year was chicken salad on a brioche, which was, like, again, I ate kind of an, I don't know, I ate an excessive amount of those.
All right, so I had one last question. I do have to mention um you mentioned kids i i sent scott a clip my son was infatuated with scott's voice on fridays the longest he's ever watched tv but then when you came on the screen he just started yelling dada at the screen so i don't know what the fuck that's about whoa so we got questions yeah yeah i don't know what's going on there but he thinks you're his dad i feel like i have a soothing voice for children i feel like i should read children's books or do like in like animated films i could be like the like a character that would make the children happy yeah i'm actually shocked you haven't been invited to do any voiceover work you because you would track for yeah you would be a hit yeah no i said animate well i mean from your lips to god's ears i mean i've been i've done i know i i did some video stuff.
We were in Tiger's video game. We were also in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
It was called, what was it called? Mutant Pro-Am or something? That sounds right. Look it up.
I swear to God, there's a golf video game for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force that I did. I don't know that it sold as many as the Tiger video games, but I haven't been in any cartoons,

which I feel like PFT is going to get that sorted for me. Yeah, we got to get that.

Boner Dogs.

Yeah, Boner Dogs.

We'll get you in.

You'll be the announcer for the dog race.

Yes, that's perfect.

That's perfect.

Can I do an English accent like I did with Mick Fowdo

and just say, hello, Captain?

Yeah, you can be both.

You can interview yourself.

Well, this whole entire episode, you don't even know this,

but this entire episode has been memorialized for Prince Philip. So that's perfect.
Wow. Pour one out.
I'm going to get some, I'm going to get, with a big Texas cinnamon roll, I'm going to get like a canned dry ginger ale. I'm going to pour some out for him.
No, Prince Philip loved big Texas cinnamon rolls. That was his favorite snack.
That's what did him in. You should have had another bite.
That's why he only lived to 99 not 100 um all right my last question uh do you have a fats russell jersey yet no no fats uh fats is in the transfer portal and he's headed to maryland but i mean you know we're excited just how good how good a name is fats like just the best the you know what it is too i i'll have another, like, resurgence where people who watch college basketball, you know,

and then flip on, I'm really talking about gamblers, who flip on a URI game against Dayton on a Wednesday night,

and they're like, this guy's name is Fats?

Once he goes to Maryland, everyone's going to be like, holy shit, there's Fats Russell?

Dude, that's Fats.

It's Fats.

He led the show one night.

Yeah. He led the show one night when he was at Rhodey because he had like 41.
Yes. And it was, I think, two years ago.
Little did I know that someday he'd be my favorite player and that I'd end up with a jersey with Fats. Do you think, though, that the Maryland success that will happen next year, which I'm sure it will.
They've got a great recruiting class right now. Well, no, not recruiting class.
They're doing the transfer portal. Do you think that's kind of cheap? Do you think it's cheap because Wisconsin doesn't have anybody? No, just answer the question.
Don't make this about me. I'm asking you a question.
Do you think that your success next year, which I'm sure you guys will have tons of success at Maryland, is cheapened by the fact that it's all transfers? I don't because this is what, listen, when Duke started getting guys in the transfer portal, then it meant everyone was in the pool, and if everyone's in the pool, to hell with it. Like, what are you going to do? You're going to do it with the purity and sanctity of going out and getting some three-star guy from Oshkosh, from Kenosha, or something? Have fun with that.
We're going to go get starters out of the portal and try to win a title. You guys are on the must-bust.
He's got 25 guys. Listen, Scott, we're hypocrites.
There's something that's classy and honorable to talk to a kid when he's 12 years old and keep talking to him until he goes to your college, and then you win with him, as opposed to getting just know just a mercenary from another adult yeah i agree in theory listen we're joking but we're not like there's i i completely agree that when you recruit a guy and if they stay for four years there's something awesome about them winning but in 2021 when everyone is just out there and it's like it's just like chaos it's like a swingers convention at closing time, and everyone's just trying to find somebody to leave with, well, then, like, whatever. Listen, I'm just getting myself ready for Maryland being good and knowing that you're going to be so insufferable about it.
So I have to find a way to cope. Why do you keep saying this?

Maryland's going to be great.

They're going to win the title.

Scott, I'll tell you exactly what Big Cat's doing right now.

I know him pretty well, and he has

acknowledged in his own head that Maryland will be

a very good team, so he's moving

the expectations window right now

for you. So if you make it to the

Elite Eight or the Final Four

and you don't win, now Big Cat can be like

that's a failure. You guys stunk.

They have to win the national title by 20 points

Thank you. So if you make it to the Elite Eight or the Final Four and you don't win, now Big Cat can be like that's a failure.
You guys stunk. They have to win the national title by 20 points plus.
See, that's all this is cruel and unreasonable. I just want to beat you and I hope we don't play you in the Coles.
So we don't have to play you in the Coles Center and I complain about officiating, which I started doing about mid-first half this year, but it worked. It worked.
You hate Wisconsin at the Kohl Center more than pretty much anything in the world. And I understand.
Brad Davidson doesn't foul. Which is weird because I love Madison, and I love Madison people, but you guys think you've never fouled anybody because you coach not to foul, and then if someone calls a foul, the entire building acts like an outrageous crime against humanity has taken place.
You guys should try doing that. That's true.
Yeah. Try not fouling.
Try not fouling. It might work.
All right. Well, Scott, thank you as always.
Really appreciate your time. Enjoy the big Texas cinnamon roll for Prince Philip.
Shout out our guy. I'm literally I'm literally going to buy it.
I'm going to buy the big Texas. And and if this is like if I eat it and I have an untimely demise, I just want to just say I appreciate spending the last moments on Earth together with you guys.
And it was it was it was worth it. The big Texas, I hope, was worth it.
Yeah, we're going to find out real quick if you die on the plane, and we're going to edit this part out so it doesn't make us look like a conference. No, no, we're going to keep it in.
We'll get so many people listening. Oh, here's how Scott Pelt dies.
Here is his impactful last words. And in parentheses, it was about a big Texas cinnamon roll.
He died with a hundred milligrams of sugar in his belly he died as he lived I have to I'm going to send you a picture of it because I'm buying it right now it's heavy I'm telling you that thing is it's got some girth to it so godspeed alright thank you Scott be well boys SVP is brought to you by our great friends over at Roman most guys guys have tried different ways to last longer. Thinking about baseball doesn't always work.
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OK, we are going to finish up Monday show with a Monday reading. Monday readings are back.
We do Monday readings whenever we have something that is Monday reading worthy. And this turns out that it is very much so Monday reading.
Monday readings are back. We do Monday readings whenever we have something that is Monday reading worthy.

And this turns out that

it is very much so Monday reading

worthy. So,

it is something that Hank found

on

AWL DM'd it to me.

AWL. Shout out to AWL.

And it is titled

An Interview with the Man Who Keeps

Uploading My

Feet to WikiFeet.

So WikiFeet.

So WikiFeet, I guess, is a fetish site for feet.

PFT, you probably know something about it.

No, I'm not a foot guy.

All right.

So we're going to do the Q&A.

And what we're going to do is, so this writer, I think she's a politics writer.

She found her feet online at WikiFeet. Then she found the guy who's been uploading it and did an interview with him.
And we're going to have Jake be the part of the foot fetish guy. And PFT and I will be the part of the interviewers.
Yeah, we're Lauren Bassett. And we're going to stop at random spots to laugh about this.
Okay, I'll start. Robert.
Is it just Robert or do you go by something else? You sound young. Yeah, just Robert.
And I'm almost 60 years old, young lady. Do you consider yourself a foot fetish? Yes.
Since when? Age six. Okay.
This is already just not me. Jake, that's very specific.
No, that's you. That's very specific.
Don't break character. That's very specific, Jake.
What happened to you when you were six? A couple things have happened, but we'll start there. I have five sisters.
Well, I had five. Two of them passed away.
What a fucking brutal thing to just drop on. A lot of their friends would come around, and we had a pool in the backyard, and they'd be barefoot.
You know, they'd be here while my sisters weren't here. They'd just come over and use the pool, and I and i would give them foot massages oh so it was actually kind of his parents fault for having a pool i was gonna say right off the bat it it actually sounds like he was talking about how he had a lot of sisters and then he wanted to sound like he wasn't being a creep about his sisters so he said actually it wasn't my sisters it was their friends who were over all the time when my sisters weren't even there right you totally You totally didn't want to fuck your sister, Jake.
What was the other thing? When I was about nine, these new people moved on my block, right? They were older girls and they had their own pool across the street. We were playing this game and they were like, well, we have to tie you up because we captured you, you know? You're the bad guy.
They tied me to a lawn chair with my hands over my head and my feet tied down and they started tick my feet and it just drove me crazy i think that's what made me realize there's nothing wrong with it it's fun i just didn't feel like it was weird or anything so i'm thinking to myself hey what's the problem with this this is who i am i'm not hurting anybody i'm not robbing banks just let it ride that's when i decided who gives the shi t okay i'm already on this guy's side. He might be, people are going to say he's a creep, but the minute you drop off the like, hey, I'm not killing anyone.
I'm not part of like, you know, the Nazi regime and the Holocaust. Like I'm not dealing heroin.
Just going as far as you can. I'm not robbing banks.
Anytime you say I'm not robbing banks to justify what your behavior is yeah you're doing something awesome yeah it's just right yeah it's perfect to just be like listen in the in the grand scheme of things no one's dying right he's just anchored the negotiation the fuck out of this negotiation yes and i'm now on his side so how many photos have you posted there well for example if i'm watching oh wait you missed one oh how do you how do you interact with wiki feet how much time a day do you spend on it well for example if i'm watching a movie with a beautiful actress that i like i'll go on there and check out her feet or if i'm reading a story about someone like you who i think is very pretty i'm gonna go check and see if she's on there because i'm curious and i love feet so that's definitely the creepy part part, isn't it? Like, it's just a random writer. Anytime you see somebody that's moderately attractive, you're like, I wonder.
Yeah. Let's see if their tootsies are online.
Get those feet. It's like if we're watching some sort of sporting event and we're like, that dude's good.
I wonder how much money he makes. And you look at his contract.
Right. That's the curiosity this guy has.
Oh, my God. All right.
How many photos have you posted there, Jake? A couple hundred. Ooh.
And how did you first discover my feet? I can't remember how I first discovered you, but I looked on Instagram and saw you on there, and you had a lot of barefoot pictures. That's how he discovered her.
Okay. Keep going.
And I just followed you. That was all.
I also like your dog. I like Pedro.
He's cool. Your feet are quite beautiful, by the way.
All right. I'm now back.
So I was on his side when he said, when he did the old sleight of hand trick being like, I'm not Robin Banks. I'm like, he's right.
He isn't Robin Banks. Now I am fully on the side of the writer here being like, this guy's creepy.
When you compliment someone else's dog that you've never met him and you've also been uploading their feet to WikiFeet,

that's a little bit much.

And then he tosses it at the end like your feet are quite beautiful, by the way.

Yeah.

Hey, just so you know, I want to fuck your feet.

All right.

I thought that part was pretty obvious.

Yeah.

Thanks.

What makes a foot attractive to you, Jake?

I like the painted toes.

I like an arch.

The more pronounced, the better.

I'm kind of weird with the toes.

I like a rounded big toe. If it's more square, it's okay, but the rounded is the rounded is better i definitely like the soles but i like the arches that gets you turned on

the arches the arches yeah because the arches that's i mean if i were to put myself in the

shoes of a foot fetishist it's like that's where your dick can go well also it's like yeah like

you like the curves yeah you like the humps you like the bumps the cleavage the foot cleavage yeah

that's it i like i also like how he's like i like a rounded big toe if it's more square it's okay

But the rest of the day, the curves yeah you like the humps you like the bumps the cleavage the foot cleavage yeah that's it i like i also like how he's like i like a rounded big toe if it's more square it's okay but the rounds that's the ones that this guy just likes any foot i think you could see uh the more well flat feet no no go oh i got flat feet yeah so you're out okay he needs those arches can't fuck you bro sorry you can't you can't you can't wear a push. arch support, like the Dr.
Souls, and get away with it with this guy. I've noticed that sometimes within 10 minutes of me posting an Instagram short story that shows my feet, the screenshot is up on WikiFeet.
How does that happen? Do you spend all your time on Instagram waiting for new foot content to drop? Wait, before you say something here, Jake, that is, okay, this is now full-blown. This woman deserves to, like, put this guy in jail.
So he probably has alerts on his phone. Well, you can't get a story alert, can you? I don't know, but that's a...
He's just always on Instagram. This is now, and I'm not going to fetish shame, but this is too far.
This is very creepy. If I were her, I would start posting just all pictures that cut off right at the start of my foot.
And just edge them? Although this guy might try to track her down and kill her. Yeah, this is not okay.
All right, so go ahead, Jake. I don't sit here looking for it.
If I just happen to see it and I like it, I'll put it on there. But I'm not sitting here all day staring or anything.
That doesn't pay the bills. Yeah.
Okay, buddy. All right.
So why not just look at feet on Instagram or screenshot them for yourself what do you get out of posting them to another website this is a great question you know it is a great question i don't really get anything out of it i just like to share it i mean people like feet like me and you have beautiful feet i just put it on there i just think i'm helping other people out i mean i do save some for myself oh there isn't much of a community on wiki feet it's not like people can heart the photos or whatever sometimes someone will send you a little note like that's a good picture thanks a lot good job that's really it you don't really connect with anybody i just like to share the picture with other people i'm generous that way like that one of you on the stoop and what was it a flying nun get up and you were barefoot i was dressed as a handmaid for halloween you posted that one yeah sorry that was very sexy oh my god all right so wait i want to stop for a second because this guy this is this is the root of it right here is that well he obviously loves to fuck feet and he wants feet right but this is what every like weird seemingly weird thing online boils down to. Remember the Flat Earth documentary? And you watch it, and the whole time you're like, wait, these people don't really care about Flat Earth.
They just want friends, and they want friends online. He's just doing this so that a few people will reach out and be like, good job with the feet pics, dude.
Keep them coming. He's looking for kinship.
Yes, I agree when he says like there's not really a community on wiki feet there's definitely a community and he wants there to be more of a community okay it might not exist like on the wiki feet website they probably have like jesus they probably got the creepiest discord in america going on you know what this is actually this is what ron and jim watkins were destined to do right they would be really good at this wiki. If you saw this, there needs to be a Q documentary, but about this website instead of 8kun.
I would watch that. I'm actually back on his side.
I'm flip-flopping here, but this guy... Don't say flip-flopping.
Yeah, don't say... You're right.
Well, open toe. Do you think he's like a sliders guy? Like the old school Adidas? The Adidas that have the bumps on the bottom? Or do you think he likes the thong? I think the thong because you get a little separation.
Yeah, that's true. The sliders, they're okay.
Right. But you can't really see the arch in the sliders.
You can't see the arch. But no, what I was going to say is that he, my favorite thing about the internet is that every little pocket of the internet thinks that the rest of the internet is a bunch of freaks.
Like if you go, if like a bunch of people spend all their time on reddit or a bunch of people spend all their time on twitter or the youtube comments they think everyone else is like could you imagine being on twitter all day it's like but you're doing wiki feed all uploading strangers right and i think a lot of the world's problems would be solved if everyone just realized that like we're all kind of losers if you're online a lot and it's okay what do you think they did way way back in the day if you grew up in like a super rural community and you had a foot fetish you didn't have the internet you had like maybe three people that you saw on a daily basis and two of them were your family members the other was like the guy that lived across the street or whatever do you have a pool do no you don't have No. So what do you do? Because that's just like a honey trap.
Do you think people knew that they had a foot fetish? Or do you think that they would just sit back and close their eyes and imagine a foot? Like spank bank stuff. This is like the question of, you know how they used to outlaw kids writing left-handed? Yeah, they used to basically not let kids do things left-handed.
Satanic. And then when they started letting people be naturally lefties, a rise in lefties happened.
Everyone's like, well, where did all these lefties come from? It's like, well, we suppressed them. We've been suppressing foot fetishes.
Which came first, before the rise of the internet and the photograph even, did people have foot fetishes? Do you think if this guy grows up in like toronto he has a foot fetish because i think the pool really has a lot more to it to do with it than he lets he had access to feet at a young age always yeah that is a pool he basically it'd be like why are you addicted to cocaine well i grew up next to club you know 54 yeah is that what it is well i grew up in medellin yeah right is that what studio 54 Studio 54. Yeah.
There we go. That's like, it's...
Dude, you know, 54. Yeah.
Is that what it is? Well, I grew up in Medellin. Yeah, right.
Is that what it's called?

Studio 54. Studio 54.

Yeah.

There we go.

That's like, it's, dude, you were, you had access to feet.

Yeah, if you grew up in Canada, you probably, or it might become like more of the forbidden

fruit.

Oh, so you got to grow up somewhere in like, Ohio.

Because you only see, you only see, maybe like five bare feet a week on a good week.

Yeah.

You just hang out like by the rink at the ice skating rink waiting for people to change. Yes.
All right. Back to the questions.
Do you ever think about how it might be a bit invasive to take someone's personal photos and put them on a fetish site without their knowledge or consent that some people might be unsettled by that? That's a great question. Yes, I do think that, you know, except I can call up jennifer aniston and ask but it does cross my mind because i have five sisters six nieces no no three sisters two of them passed unfortunately yeah uh and i guess not everybody would be kosher with it believe me it crosses my mind i do have a conscience i think people seem to have a good sense of humor about mean, you obviously do.
Some celebrities say it's a badge of honor. Yeah, a lot.
That happens all the time. Quentin Tarantino.
I love that this guy just dropped numbers on her head, being like, I got 11 women that I know that I'm personally related to. Those are numbers.
I'm looking up all of her names, by the way, right now in WikiFeet to see if we're on there.

I mean, the once upon a time in Hollywood when it's just like her feet.

That was one of the craziest things.

This is all making me uncomfortable.

Visit WikiFeet men.

All right.

I'll do the next question.

I noticed that WikiFeet has pretty strict rules.

Actually, these are kind of boring questions.

Let's get to the better questions.

What are the best feet you've ever seen?

Marilyn Monroe, Kate Beckinsale, Laura Bassett.

I'm ASS kissing baby. Grace Kelly, Rita Hayworth.
Oh, my God. I love her.
Oh, okay. You've posted Rita's feet? Yeah, I did, but she's gone, so I don't think she gives a SHIT.
That's a good point. Do you rate women's feet on WikiFeet? Yes.
Do you ever rate them poorly? No. You know why? And this is silly.
Like, I know these people, but I don't want to hurt their feelings. If they're ugly, I just don't go there again.
Wow. Okay.
They have a merch section on their website here. Okay.
Don't drink in WikiFeet. That's on a sweatshirt that they have.
Dave's on the website. Okay.
There are seven pictures of Dave's feet on the website. Surprising.
He probably put them on there himself. Yeah.
What are your main interests besides feet and the Yankees? Live music. The last concert I went to was Little Steven and the Disciples of Soul at the Beacon Theater.
November of 2019, just before I got this damn heart surgery that almost killed me. Oh, you almost you almost died yeah i had a quadruple bypass and it was a heck of a lot of fun but you know what when i was in florida in the hospital i've had a couple surgeries i had the nurse coming in at night showing me her feet i actually took her out to dinner a couple times i can just get girls out of their shoes it's a thing i can do i love that the whisperer.
He might be Quentin Tarantino. This might be the Q man.
So I'm going to land here on this guy. I think he's right.
It's not robbing a bank. I do think that he should stop seemingly stalking Instagram of women.
He should probably stop doing that. Agreed.
I'm cool with him having a foot fetish, but maybe just don't just be a passive foot fetish guy. Like, look at WikiFeet.
Don't upload. That's the part I don't get, because there's something else to the fetish that goes beyond just enjoying looking at feet, when you're like, I know 700 horny guys that will also want to be with you.
He wants friends. Yeah, WikiFeet is his group's his group chat right exactly so we need to get him friends and then he'll just be again a passive uh feet guy yeah i wonder what happened if you just put this guy if you took away the internet from him took away his phone and just put him in like five buddies on a beach with an open bar if he would like you know if he would go crazy being like i need to share these feet with somebody, if he would start drawing pictures of the feet, or if he would just be able to enjoy himself like a regular human being.
Yeah. He actually should just go be a bartender at a pool in Miami.
That's the life. Right? Think about that.
If you were a super... Hypothetically...
He should be a shoe salesman. Hypothetically, PFT, if you were a super, let's hypothetically.
You should be a shoe salesman.

Hypothetically, PFT, if you were like a super horny guy.

Yeah.

Okay.

Hypothetically.

I'm going to do some method acting.

Hypothetically. Done.

Right.

If you were a super, super horny guy, like you would probably find a job that like could

get you, you know, looking at women and being horny all the time.

Right.

Like if working for a website that posted

bikini shots or something like that.

I would.

Be an editor for JT.

Hypothetically, I would. Yes.

So this guy, he should work. If he's a lawyer or whatever,

he would trade it all in a heartbeat

to go work at Foot Locker.

Yes, he should do it.

Or like a bowling alley.

Hey, let me see those feet real quick. The, I don't know.
Let me see the size of your feet. The bowling alley is tough because it's all behind you.
They do get very smelly. I think that most foot fetish guys probably have a smellier the better philosophy, too, where they like to smell them.
I don't know. What do you think? Why are you guys laughing at that? Yeah.
Hey, are you laughing at our laughing of a foot fetish? No, not at all. Our fetish is to make fun of the foot fetishes.

I think bowling alley might be your best bet because it guarantees that people have to

take their socks off.

Right.

You're getting the guaranteed flesh.

Yeah.

Oh, being a bartender at a sushi restaurant.

Everyone takes their shoes off when they come inside.

It's socks.

There it is.

Socks are like your worst enemy.

Yeah.

Socks are bad.

Band socks.

Yeah.

Band socks.

Socks are cap. Yeah.
He hates socks. He's like doing a sock burning.
Uh-huh. He's just buying them all up and burning them.
No shirt, no socks, no service. Less socks in this world.
All right. That is our show.
Great show. We got Bill Burr on Wednesday.
Ooh, get excited. Got some great guests coming up.
All right, let's pick numbers. Billy, you got a fact?

99.

8.

34.

No, 35. 18.

66.

The San Francisco garter snake is very injured and is worth the Google.

84.

Randy Moss.

There it is.

Love you guys. Love you guys.

Hank, is the podcast up yet?

84 now tied for five times the most ever with 52.

I'm talking away.

I don't know what I'm to say.

I'm saved anyway.

Today's a night to find you.

Shying away.

I'm coming for your love, okay?

Take on me

Take me on

She was a rich woman

She had rich taste

She felt the blood running through her veins

I'll be gone

She liked the life she had

She loved her big cats

Thank you. I'll be gone.
She liked the life she had. She loved her big cats and the beauty of being loved.
Needless to say, I won't say this, but I'll be. The thing was fine, just as sweet as wine, but her husband went and disappeared Come a little way Falling life is up And it got a little crazy It got a little hazy And the cops said there's something wrong Say I'm with me It's no better to be safe than sober Take me on me Take me on I'll be gone You can't find this taste in the zoo Take me on me Take me on I'll be gone It'll be home

It'll be home

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