Ryan Whitney, College Basketball Is Back, And Tony Finau Is Officially Cursed

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have Ryan Whitney, one of our favorite guests. People have been asking for him.
We talk some hockey, talk the Winter Classic, talk fighting in the NHL, talk Sidney Crosby and where he ranks all time. Ryan Whitney's golf game.
Ryan Whitney gets buddied by Billy and Brode. The disrespect.
Awesome interview. We have actually a ton of sports to talk about.
The Max Homa winning tournament, the Genesis. Was it the halftime show? It was the Genesis.
It was actually very, very upsetting. Fifth major.
Seeing that logo and not having it be in black and white with good Charlotte players. Yes.
So we had that. We had a ton of college hoops.
We had some hockey. We had everything.
Packed Monday's show. We're going to get right back to the show.
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Alright, back to part of my take.

Okay, let's go.

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Welcome to Part of My Take presented by Verizon 5G. Today is Monday, February 22nd.
And I'm gonna say it, boys. It's March Madness.
Let's go. It feels like let's go it feels like march madness may it feels this weekend maybe it was all the blue bloods having their revenge which i love i love how um i don't know if you saw but everyone was like the blue bloods are back michigan state duke kentucky arizona i was like record scratch for arizona's a blue blood i think when ari Arizona could be a blue blood.
UCLA's the blue blood in the Pac-12. Arizona could be a blue blood.
I think Arizona is a blue blood. I mean, they won a national championship in the early 2000s.
That doesn't make you a blue blood. A bunch of NBA players.
That doesn't make you a blue blood. Salim Stoudemire.
Historic. Left-handed legend.
Historic, right? Historic blue blood. Legendary coach.
What do you think, Jake? I don't know. Yeah, I guess Jake is the...
UCLA is the Pac-12 blue blood. Yes, correct.
But you can have more than one blue blood. When I think of out West, it's UCLA.
When I think of UCLA, I think of them winning like 11 championships in 10 years. Not possible, but I feel like they still did it.
Do you think Arizona's a blue blood? No. Thank you.
They're one step below. Not saying they're bad.
They're an incredible program. I think they're close to being a blue Blood, but the fact that I just was like, oh yeah, Jason Kidd.
No, he actually went to Cal, I'm pretty sure. And the fact that it took you a second, you know a Blue Blood when you see it.
It's a no-doubter. It's not like a pornography.
I think... Would Florida be a Blue Blood? It is kind of funny to be like...
Unfortunately, unfortunately they're not a blue blood. Thank you.
But they are unreal. This deck, this since 2000.
Yes, absolutely. Back to back championships.
They'll never be done again. The blue blood is, is the history behind it.
It's history. It might, but I don't think it will.
Yeah. And Michigan bold claim saying that nobody's ever going to win a back to back championship again in the history.
It's the hardest sport to win. hardest sport to win a championship.
Yes. To win the tournament back-to-back twice? Yes.
Agreed. It'll happen, though.
To say it's never going to happen again, that's actually a little bit of inner blue blood coming out. That's something that a blue blood would say.
Yeah. Fair.
All right. Maybe I'll take it back.
What about Louisville? No. I don't think so.
No. They didn't even win that championship that they won eight years ago.
Like, Michigan State might, because of magic, I think they become a blue blood, but, like, they might even be pushing it. I don't know.
It is fun to say, like, that the blue bloods are back. Like, the blue bloods have become the new mid-major.
Yes, the blue bloods. It's flipped so fast.
Kentucky, Michigan State, and Duke all winning. As big time, well, Duke was only a two-point underdog.
but it felt like we had like, oh, this is a normal Saturday. And it probably sounds snobby.
Like I can't. I love college basketball regardless, but it is fun when the Blue Bloods are involved.
It's fun to hate Duke. Did you see, Hank? Like it ruined my Saturday night, Sunday morning.
Duke beat Virginia, and Virginia did not score a single point after with like a minute and a half left. Duke slapped the floor.
In unison. It was beautiful.
It was beautiful. But that's the stuff that you love to have.
It's good. It's good for the game when you were getting pissed off at Duke.
Because it felt like it was too easy to hate on Duke for the last couple weeks. Like, you were just kicking an orphan.
You guys still did it. No, we tried not to.
You got us worked up, Hank. It's sports, Hank.
We're a sports podcast. We have to talk about the sports shows.
Yeah. It's cool watching Juwan Howard.
People, when he went to Michigan, they were like, is this going to work? Looks like it's working. That dude who was on the bench on the phone that didn't get caught, what was he doing? Who are you talking to on the phone during a basketball game? I have a theory.
Yeah. Okay.
I think he was talking to the delivery driver to get post-game meal. Our Vermont student manager, they would always be on standby, and one of them would have to run out at the final media timeout to pick up the food.
Got it. That Michigan Ohio State game was awesome.
We're just not getting anywhere else. The Michigan-Ohio State game was awesome.
High-level basketball. It just feels like, you know, I think it was partly because we had a great Friday with Blue Bloods, or Saturday with Blue Bloods, and then Sunday having the standalone CBS game deliver.
The music, everything's flowing. It just feels raftery and just, ah, it's good.
We can't, I so, so, so, so much missed March Madness last year. Like, I think that's one of the things that when I'm hopefully 85 on my deathbed, like, my last words are going to be like, remember when we didn't get the tournament? No, I just, because I was hot gambling too.
They need to come up with a drug that just makes you forget the previous 12 months.

Just erase this from history.

But it really hurts.

It will hurt me forever.

It will haunt me forever.

But college basketball, we're rounding into form.

It's March in one week, one week from today.

This is March.

Yes, it will be March.

So we're ready to go.

We also had our guy Max Homa win a tournament. What was the tournament again? It was the Genesis.
Yeah. All right.
Wait. Here's what I have, right? I found, I Googled Blue Bloods in college basketball.
This was, historically speaking, there are only six, so it's even more exclusive. Kentucky, UNC, Indiana, Duke, UCLA, and Kansas.
Wait. Historically speaking, there are only six? That's what this person is saying.
Kentucky, UNC, Indiana, Duke, UCLA, and Kansas. Wait, historically speaking, there are only six? That's what this person is saying.
Kentucky, UNC, Indiana, Duke, UCLA, and Kansas. That's what I'm saying.
Michigan State is actually more borderline than, like, if we're actually going off of just straight blue bloods, I agree with this person. That person, I think, is just confusing blue bloods with the color blue on uniforms.
All those teams, except for Indiana, are all just these are. These are teams that are historically like, you know, have been around for forever and been prominent forever.
And also they're like, I don't know, there's something about basketball states. And then the next list is Connecticut, Georgetown, Louisville, Michigan State, Syracuse, Villanova.
I kind of agree with this, where this guy's going with this. Those guys could sneak in, but really, if we're talking true.
Tonight, me versus Hank, Syracuse Duke. Oh, yeah.
What's the mayor's bet? I mean, last time I won the pants, but I gave them back before even getting them. Wait, what do you mean? You lost them back to Hank after you won them? I declined.
I won the bet, but I declined the prize. The pants were so hideous that you didn't even want to claim them.
Yeah. So he would have gotten my tie if the Dolphins won.
But now maybe we can run it back. Yeah.
Syracuse. There you go.
The Blue Bloods. The Blue Bloods.
Syracuse might be tier two. That means incest, right? Yeah.
I actually agree with what this guy is talking about. Isn't that where the term Blue Bloods comes from? Yeah, hemophilia.
Yeah, hemophilia. You're just always purple and blue.
How about loser has to wear a shirt and tie next time we play ping pong in school streams? Billy? Wait, I actually know the origin of the word blue bloods. Oh, okay.
It's because the people who didn't work outside were usually the upper class, and so you could see their blue veins through their skin because it was more translucent, so that's why they're blue bloods.

Okay.

The first record of the term blue-blooded

to mean noble descent dates to the early 19th century,

but the notion actually stretches back much further.

The concept likely originates in medieval Spain

as Sangre Azul

and is attributed to the rich, powerful families of Castile.

It's kind of close. No, it is.
I have the sports version. Okay, give it to us.
This is great. We're just going deep dive on blue blood.
The term blue blood refers to royalty or someone of noble birth. Because they didn't have to do anything, nobility had very pale skin, so their blue veins were extremely visible.
So a basketball blue blood is just that, Royalty. Their veins are just the most vascular

basketball teams. Yeah.
Or loyalty over royalty.

What was LeBron's thing? I forget.

Dad to dad. As a father

of three. Yes.
Alright.

So blue bloods. I'm actually okay

with this guy being like six and there's only

six. Yeah, it should be a finite amount.

You can't just induct new blue bloods

until you kick one of them out.

There's new money. Like

Villanova, UConn,

Florida. That's new money like Villanova, UConn, Florida.

That's new money.

Like Indiana.

Yeah.

They're technically blue blood, but I think they would probably be first one out.

Yeah.

Although they do have last undefeated season, right?

Is that true?

Yes.

Yeah.

Last undefeated season.

Who?

Indiana.

Yeah.

I got to check, but check.

Okay.

We're getting Jake. We're working overtime.
Either way, college basketball feels so back. The tournament feels like it's coming very, very soon, and everything is rampant.
76, Indiana. There we go.
32 now. Yeah.
And this year will be interesting because we have Gonzaga. We have three unbeatens, right? We have Gonzaga, Baylor, and Duke without Jalen Johnson.
Marty Mush thinks he's the funniest person ever. But I feel like in yesterday's game, that was the first time in months that somebody's been like, showed up on a national stage, and you're like, that team can beat Baylor.
That team can beat Gonzaga. Michigan? Michigan, yeah.
Michigan's really good. Michigan's really good.
I feel like we need to include them in that conversation. Yes.
Baylor, Gonzaga, Michigan. That's it.
Do you think that Jalen Johnson's draft stock will get affected if they go on a run without him? Actually. No.
No. I do not.
Probably not. I think his, like, the take, he'll get a lot of hot takes about him, but I think that his draft status will be whatever his draft status is because I don't think the actual people making the picks and the scouts care about what Duke did.
Unless Gar Foreman gets a job between now and then. If this was the NFL, then yes, there would be some GMs and some talent evaluators that would be better off without him.
He's a diva. But I think the NBA hasn't reached that level of hot takeness inside their own ranks yet the i mean we have a couple months before the draft and we'll get into the whole draft eventually when we get there but there's already a lot of talk about zach wilson not being a captain a lot of talk which i kind of agree with if you're a quarterback i'll put it this way i'd prefer you to be a captain it's so hard to be a quarterback and not be a captain yes yes there's something it's the the the bo callahan joke and draft day joke actually becomes real when you have a college quarterback who's a first round talent and not a cap and no one goes to his birthday party he should you know what he should If you're smart, Zach Wilson, you need to release all the pictures of all your birthday parties.
Yes. And just, I don't care, just Photoshop everybody on your team into the background.
Make everybody believe in you as a leader. Because, like, if you're a dominant college quarterback, you play at a good school like BYU, and you're not elected captain, like, a first round pick at running back first round pick at wide receiver i don't think that byu does nope so it's like who were maybe you know what if i were him i would be like i was voted captain and i uh i elected to give it to my center or he could say as 21 years old i was actually the youngest guy on the team the team.
Yeah. So do Mormons not believe in the birthdays or is that Jehovah Witness? That's Jehovah's Witnesses.
Okay, so maybe he should just say he's a Jehovah's Witness. Yeah.
Or he's extra Mormon. You could confuse some people.
I'm confused right now just saying it. They'd be like, I don't celebrate birthdays, therefore no one could come to it.
Right. Mormons soak, but they celebrate birthdays.

Right.

That's what you do on your birthday.

You just penis and vagina and you just hang out for a while.

Jehovah's Witnesses.

Every time we bring up soap, Billy looks at us like, huh?

You know what soaking is, Billy?

Yeah, we went over it.

Okay.

All right.

Good.

All right.

Let's talk golf.

Max Homa won the Genesis Open.

Tony Finau.

So congrats to Max.

We're going to try to get him on later on this week. Tony Finau is officially cursed.
And so I tweeted that question out there. Is Tony Finau cursed? He's not only cursed.
There is a curse. Have you heard about the Puerto Rican Open? No.
There's a legitimate curse out there. And I'm so fucking in on it.
So the Puerto Rican Open, Puerto Rico Open, that is the one win that Tony Fino has. He has like a ton of top fives.
He's finished top five at every major tournament. He's always there.
He's leading always on Saturday, and then he falls apart on Sunday. The Puerto Rico Open has an 11-year history.
This is from Will Gray GC on Twitter. 11-year history.
No winner has gone on to win any other tournament after they won the Puerto Rico Open. That's wild.
How crazy is that? The only winner to win another tournament after they won the Puerto Rican Open is Michael Bradley, who won the Puerto Rico Open again. No other tournament.
That doesn't count. That doesn't count.
That's the definition of a fear victory, right? Like, you win, you're super happy, and then you're just fucked. But what's the purse at the Puerto Rican Open? A lot.
Because if it's high enough, then I don't think that you really care that much. No, you don't care.
I was reading about it. It's great for, I think it is like $3 million maybe? Yeah, that's pretty good.
No, wait. No, sorry.
540,000. I was way off.
Way off. Here's an even better one, right? Yeah, way off.
Then Ryan Lavner, GC, so these guys are just working to get Golf Channel just fucking hopping on each other's tweets. He had this anecdote as well.
Guys who finished second in the Puerto Rican Open, Jason Day, Jordan Spieth, and Bryson DeChambeau, the best part of their entire career was finishing second, not first. That's the money spot, yeah.
It is a cursed tournament. 11 years that it's been there, and no one has ever won that tournament and then afterwards won another tournament.
So when is the next one? I think it just happened. I think it just happened, right? Jake and Jake, so many fucking things.
We have to kidnap Brooks before that one. Yeah, I think this might be the one that he skipped.
Oh, no. It hasn't happened yet.
2021 has not happened yet. It's this week.
It's this week. Brooks, don't go.
Don't go. Stay home.
Puerto Rico open. February 25th to 28th.
Cocoa Beach Golf and Country Club. That's crazy, though, right? That is very...
Tony Finau is cursed. You're going to will DeChambeau to win.
I have no idea how to compare that to other tournaments. None.
But that's got to be the only one with a stat like that. Yeah, and so Tony Finau is cursed.
And if you can feel it, like the other guys that have won this tournament are not Tony Finau-level golfers. Tony Finau, it's pretty clear he's cursed.
Because he always is in the— I end out on the Tony Finau curse thing until you brought up the— I believe in the Puerto Rico Open. I don't necessarily believe that Finau is cursed because I feel like golf always has a character like that, and it changes over the course of years.
But there's always one guy who's in contention at every major, doesn't win, and then finally he wins one, and then he might win another uh down the line but i think it's just because golf is very hard to win majors you're right there's always that one guy that he can't win a tournament until it like he has 99.9 approval rating right phil mickleson was that way yeah and jim nance is literally crying on the broadcast trying to get him to victory yes then and only then can he win. He becomes like the favorite golfer of 55-year-old dudes.
Right. And whoever is lining up behind that guy eventually, like when Phil Mickelson made that putt out of Gus and Obama started tweeting about him.
Right. Dads across America were weeping.
And that's going to be Tony Finau. And he'll win one eventually.
Really? I was shocked. Yeah.
Will he? I think. You might be cursed.
I don't know. If we can get rid of the Puerto Rico curse, we are rooting for Bryson this weekend.
That's going to be wild. I'm a full-on Bryson DeChambeau stan right now.
Yeah. I mean, Tony Finau must – he has to probably be – we're giving Jake a million things to work on.
So add this and we'll circle back with it. He has to be the highest-earning golfer to only have one win because I feel like he cashes checks every week.
Yeah, they're like half a million. At the majors when he finished fourth place, that's a pretty good weekend.
I was shocked that Max actually came back and won after that last hole on 18. He had his shot like three feet away, got the yips to course beat him on 18.
Do you know what it was? I think the – and hopefully we'll have Mon to ask him this, but I think for Max, he's good, but he's so good at Twitter that that putt, he was being like, what is Twitter going to say if I miss this? He was thinking about it.. Yeah, because he has made half of his living golf, half of his living is roasting people on Twitter.
Yeah. At some point, he has to think when he's playing like, oh, this one's not going to go well on Twitter.
Either that or he's so good at Twitter that he knew that he would go viral as fuck if he missed that three-foot putt. True, true.
And yes, you did. That video got millions of impressions.
It's the curse of being too online. How bad would it suck to finish a tournament, you've played, how do you do math, was it 72 holes? Yep.
And then all of a sudden you have to play more golf. That would suck.
If you have to play 18 holes of golf sober, that's hell enough. Go back to 10 after you're done? No, done no thank you it's not bad for the single elimination so the single elimination holes is totally fine though when with the pga championship i think it is or no maybe the u.s open where you have to play a full 18 that's bullshit they might have changed that but that's what it was like when there was tiger and rocco yeah back in the day i think the one hole playoff is fucking awesome i think that's electric i think also you're like i mean for tony finow he was pumped to have that chance yeah even though he's cursed i mean it is crazy that max was able to come back and win after that and he ended up in a couple nice shots behind the tree yeah i would i mean right that that that is the biggest example of the curse being true is like correct max choked as not not choked, but he gave it away.

If Max was watching Max on Twitter, Max would say he choked.

So it's only fair we say that he choked.

So Tony Finau is number 78 all time when it comes to money.

$21,285,000.

This could be active.

Tiger, Phil, Furyk, EJ Singh.

Right below him at 79 is Bryson. So Bryson's won a major and Tony still makes more than him.

Wow.

All right. be active okay like the tiger phil furic yeah they sing uh right below him at 79 is bryson so bryson's one of major and tony still makes more than him wow that's crazy yeah i don't know i don't know don't you know don't cry for me argentina don't cry for me tony finow but uh someone actually did tweet that he thinks that there's a rumor out there that tony finow is like a long lost cousin of Seamus Fleming, Frank Fleming's great great grandfather.

That was the grandfather. Wasn't his great great grandmother also

very unlucky like she bought a potato farm

right before? Seamus started

the potato famine in Ireland.

He mushed the entire nation, the entire island.

And I think it became like a stock trader

in 1922.

1929, yeah.

A huge blimp fan back in the teens. He got into the mortgage business in 2007.
Oh, that was me. Alright, so what else we got on sports? It was an awesome weekend.
Watching Max win was fun. When did we have him on? Two months ago? Three months ago? But I feel like we've grown.
We've grown along with Max these last couple months. And he's actually come close to winning before.
That's the homosexual nation that we talked about last week. We're here.
We're proud. Yep.
I also appreciate how much he plays a lot of Warzone. I'll go on at any night, and he's just on there grinding.
And that's one of those things where it's like, yeah, he's a pro athlete winning millions of dollars. And he just goes home and, you know.
Just like us. Hunts dubs.
Yes. At the end of the day.
Oh. Everyone likes merking.
The only other news is Johnny Damon got arrested for DUI, which that had to have been the biggest, oh, you think, story. Like that.
Sabermetrically, his blood alcohol level was a .30. He was three-quarters of the way dead.
You're dead if you're a .40. And he was, like, smiling.
He looked like he was relatively lucid in his mugshot. But that's .30 is, like, that's first ballot Hall of Fame drunk stuff.
I wonder, I mean, I don't credit to the police officer for even understanding him because you can't understand him when he's sober. But that was the rare story where I was scrolling the timeline, saw it, and you could have told me that was six years old and i would have been like yeah that makes sense yeah that how that was the least shocking dui arrest of all time yeah the only thing i missed was he should have had the beard i wish he still had the caveman beard because he actually looked better than i thought he would look yeah in his mug shot for a 0.30.
Like, I wanted to see him in full-on homeless shaggy guy mode. But I guess the Yankees took that out of him.
It's really sad. I would imagine Johnny Damon's personal lawyer, like, had a file ready to go already for the DUI.
Yeah, yeah. Like, he just, like, how they pre-write obituaries, like, you know, ABC.
His lawyer just opened up, came into work the next day, opened up the file cabinet, was like, in case of DUI or when DUI happens, here is our defense. There are certain guys out there that you should definitely have that pre-written.
Yeah. He's one of them.
Half of baseball, I would say, has DUI face. I mean, you get to drink in the clubhouse after every game.
Yeah, it's a grind. And it's in it's in Florida.
I just assume that if you're a retired baseball

player and you live in Florida, you've got

at least two or three DUIs already under your belt.

In Arizona. Arizona and Florida

are just DUIs.

I feel like Arizona might be the most DUI

of all the states. Minnesota

is shockingly high.

Can you get them on a sled?

A dog sled? Anything.

That's the final boss of a DUI is getting your dogs pulled over because you're too drunk. What if the dogs are drunk? Yeah.
Then it's double whammy. Don't do that.
Don't do not do – don't drink and drive, period. Don't be Johnny Damon.
That's a great way to live life. All right.
Let's do our Who's Back of the Week, and then we have Ryan Whitney. Awesome, awesome interview with Ryan Whitney, even though he was disrespectful to Billy.
but who's back of the week and then we have ryan whitney awesome awesome interview with uh ryan even though he was disrespectful to billy but who's back of the week is brought to you by our friends at cash we're gonna get right back to the show spring fest and ego days are here at lowe's right now get a free select ego 56 volt battery with purchase of a select trim blower, or mower kit. Plus, shop today for new and exclusive items you need for your lawn.
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All right, back to part of my take. Hank, who's back of the week? My who's back of the week is Coach Prime.
Yeah! He stopped coming on this show because he was focusing on the upcoming season. Today was their first game.
They won like 57-0. Yep.
Troy Aikman was pretty badass to see just Troy Aikman came in just to support his friend Dion, but that's pretty cool. And they have a whole season coming up, so it's going to be electric to watch.
What do you mean they? You know that we are the recruiting court. We're part of the team.
We're just trying to go 1-0 every week, Hank. I watched a little of the game on the ESPN app.
It was pretty good. It also had the college football music.
It will fill the void of the XFL. It's better than the XFL was last year.

It's better than whatever other sports leagues

like Coach Pratt.

Yeah, I agree. I think if you were to rank

spring football leagues,

FCS is one.

The new XFL...

Actually, no, the old XFL is two.

New XFL is three. Then you have

all the USL, whatever that

league was that we all forgot about. And then the one that Johnny Football is in with the Glacier Boys this year.
By the way, I think I'm a Glacier Boys fan. Oh, nice.
Or 2-0. No, I'm not a zap.
You're a zap? Nope. Nope.
Glacier Boy then. Yep.
Glacier Boys. Oh, is that Migos? Yeah, that is.
Glacier Boys. That's, yeah.
Okay. We're Glacier Boys.
I'm a Migo. Who is your who's back? My who's back of the week is being woke.
Being woke is back big time. Little programming announcement.
Arian Foster and I are doing a podcast. It's going to be coming out every single Tuesday.
It's going to be basically just about being woke as fuck about everything. So we're going to be diving into conspiracies, dark web stuff, whatever Arian is getting obsessed with that

week, and we're going to do stuff on Clubhouse too.

I don't really know what Clubhouse is

or understand it, but we're going to try to

go on Clubhouse and then use

what we get off Clubhouse to also go

into the podcast. What's it called? It's called

Thank You Hank, good question.

Stool Streams, go download the Playbar School app.

It's called Stool Streams, check it out, you can win.

It's free to enter, you can win $5,000. It's going to be amazing.
You guys are going to love it. No, the podcast is called Microdosing.
So I feel... Macrodosing.
Macrodosing. It's called Macrodosing.
It's called Macrodosing, and it's going to be a lot of fun. Arians Pumped.
I think we're going to have Arians on Wednesday. Yeah, we're going to have them on Wednesday.
We'll talk sports. Episode 1 is coming out.
Episode 1 is coming out Tuesday. Dose? I'll dose.
It's a deep dive into the life of Alex Jones. Not just like his theories and stuff, but like his life growing up and how he became, how he turned from like a pretty red 41-year-old fat guy into red 41 year old fat guy.
Before and after. Yeah.
Yeah. He's got, he did that 30 day diet.
Yeah. That was great.
No, he was just popping the pillows. By the way, I ordered a bunch of stuff from the Infowars score store.
So that's going to be fun. I'll be taking super male alpha vitality pills again.
I already tried your boner stuff. I hope they're kidney stones.
Didn't work. All right.
So my who's back. Actually, I'm also, also i'm woke on my who's back so go download macro dosing right now subscribe to it we will have aaron on the show on wednesday i'm woke pft maybe you can discuss this with aaron i'm woke on this cam newton clip oh i'm woke on this cam newton clip so if you saw there was a viral video of cam newton getting getting berated by what seemed like a high school kid at a 7-on-7 tournament.
And the reaction is, naturally, how could you do this to Cam Newton? Respect Cam Newton. SportsCenter tweeted out, oh, here's a list of all his accomplishments, Heisman Trophy, National Championship, MVP, everything, right? Everyone's saying Cam Newton in his prime was incredible.
Yes, Cam Newton in his prime was incredible. It almost, is Cam Newton a free agent? Yeah.
Yeah. It almost feels like that was kind of set up to remind everyone how awesome Cam Newton was.
Interesting. We'll put out a video of Cam getting disrespected.
People are forced to recall how great he is at football because you're right. This is the most sympathetic press Cam Newton's got in the last year.
Not only that, but it is a universal this kid's being a shithead. I'm kind of on Team Kid here.
There's not a single person who's been out. He was.
Correct, Hank. When do you see that on the internet? When it's like a no-brainer.
Exactly. It's just...
This is perfect. Like, if...
Listen. The level of wokeness that this takes to get to.
All I'm saying is... Who set this up? That's what you have to think about.
Yes. PR people.
We know PR people who could absolutely set something like this up. Bleep this name.
Could absolutely set that up. I don't know, man.
I think if if it was set up he would have been wearing a fancier outfit this isn't the first time this has happened there's another video you also notice he had a peloton jacket on he probably got paid by peloton so this is all set up by big bite he got a double dip no he's like hey we're gonna do a viral video to help Cam's rep and get everyone on Cam's side. Oh, do we want to get an advertiser involved? Maybe get a little extra cash.
We also had a statement that he put out. Yeah, I mean, the marketing people more than PR people.
He just managed to have on deck. How long do you think it would take Cam Newton to write an Instagram post that long? Dude, I'm just telling you.
Probably days. No, Big Cat, do the math.
This is a perfect crime. Do the math on it, because I think that you're onto something.
Yes. In order to type all those weird letters in and to write that entire two-paragraph statement that he put out, there wasn't enough time that passed between when the video came out and when the post appeared.
That thing was ready to go. Hey, wait for the follow-up.
Wait for the follow-up. I guarantee you that part of the follow-up, they have to have Cam Newton.
They told the kid, because the kid's villain number one on the internet today. You know the old saying, you don't want to be the main story on the internet today? He was the main story for a little bit.
Cam Newton's going to take him under his wing. Cam Newton's going to do a fucking E60 with him, and Jeremy Schaap is going to be like, oh, this is great.
What became a viral video has now become a great relationship. And Cam Newton is teaching this kid how to play quarterback.
And now this kid has all these D1. It goes fucking deep, man.
How cucked would Tony Dungy be if that's what happened? You know that Tony is on a plane right now trying to find that kid to mentor him. If Cam swoops in and becomes the good guy instead instead of him sometimes you can like see something in 4d and you're you're shocked at your own brain and this was one of those times for me when i saw this i was like uh-uh i just uh-uh i i am pro talk shit to people but i'm also pro cam newton should have just absolutely nuked the kid cam should have been able to throw the kid like onto his street Just like, Cam, you should be able to defend yourself in a situation.
Like Jazz from Fresh Prince? Yes. Where somebody's being that disrespectful, I'm a little bit concerned.
That's actually what's telling me that Cam Newton isn't healthy. Because if he was, he should have just swung on the kid.
Like Josh Norman? Yes. When he beat the fuck out of Josh Norman, he was laughing at him? But this isn't the first time he's gone into verbal arguments with kids.
Who? Cam Newton? Yeah. Are you talking about the video? Are you saying it was his commercial? No.
When it's the little kid being like, play 50, 60. No, no, there's another video of him getting in the face of a kid.
I think he chirps the kids and then they chirp back. You think he provokes it? Yeah.
No, no, no. But the guy talks trash.
think he's talking about like it was when he like gave a ball to someone and the kid took it and he yelled at the kid or something. Which was fair.
No, no, no. There's another one.
It's at a similar camp type thing. And he gets in the kid's face and says listen kid like da da da.
Yeah, so I think Billy, I think I think I know what video you're talking about Billy. Is it this one? No, dude.

Yeah, that guy.

Yeah.

Anyway, my who's back of the week is respecting your elders.

All right, Boomer.

So. That's it.
That's the video you're talking about. Yeah, you're right.
He does get in the face of this. He's got a history.
Now Billy's looking. You're trying to find out.
I love that fucking commercial. Cam Newton gets in the face of trash-talking teen.
Okay. And it's going to be the video from today.
No, it's not. All right.
So, Billy, who's who's respecting your elders um well honestly i did some introspection and realized that uh i may have beat up an old man and seeing this cam newton video a long time ago uh anyway seeing this cam newton video made me realize like we should really bring back respecting your elders and um not to call anyone elderly, but I just think I need to be more respectful to my elders. Okay, why? Because that's who my who back.
Who would be an example of an elder? How old are we talking when we say elder? Because elder, I think like grandparents. Yeah.
Just older. How old? Like gray hair? Like 28 and 36? No.
Two 28-year-olds and a 36-year-old? Just those who have accomplished a lot and need respect. Wait.
You're 28, Hank. I'm 27.
Are you sure? Pretty sure. Okay.
I think you're 28. The funniest part of that video I think is the fact that Billy also called Hank old.
Hank's like three years older than him. Yeah, right.
Right. Billy is trying to take our jobs.
I'm not trying to take our jobs. Yeah, you are.
You wouldn't mind. Send to our boss.
You know who's getting old? PFT, Big Cat, and Hank. You being threatened shows weakness.
No, no, no. I'm not threatening.
And now I'm thinking'm thinking i'm just should i go for the kill i'm seeing a little weakness billy you know what really shows weakness is apologizing billy apologized over a group text we thought maybe it was a moment of growth because you left 30 pounds of rabbit meat sitting in the lobby um which is totally normal thing i think most kids in their early 20s make mistakes like that.

But then you apologized for it, and our initial reaction was like, whoa, Billy, that's impressive.

You actually admitted that you did something bad instead of lying about it.

Actually, now I've reversed on that take.

I think that was a beta move of you tucking your tail and apologizing.

No, it's just respecting.

You were such an alpha when you used to lie.

No, I just have a problem where I can't say no to people. So if a guy says, I want to send you 30 pounds of rabbit meat, I'm not going to say no.
Yeah, true. Never say no to that.
Yeah, Billy, don't act like getting 30 pounds of dead rabbit in the mail wasn't like the best thing that's happened to you. I have so many plans for it.
Jake, you got a who's back because Billy sucked. Well, you took mine.
Billy. You always got to come with a couple.
I know. You know you're the penultimate person to go.
Nice, Jake. Go ahead.
I have two. Oh, good job, Jake.
Run up the score, bitch. No, that was not intentional.
That was. Good job, Jake.
Great job. Jake, great job.
Thanks. One is time lapses.
PFT actually pointed this out with the Winter Classic. Yep.
Lake Tahoe. And we're going to talk about the sun and Gary Bettman with Whitney, so we didn't forget about that.
I was – yeah, it was quite a time lapse. Two is from the blind side, S.J.
Toohey. He got the job as the director of football operations of Gus Malzahn at UCF.
Remember the blind side? Yeah. That's the son? Yeah.
The little brother. Terrible they put that car crash in the movie.
It was like a PG movie. I never saw the movie.
I actually... You thought the car crash was too violent? I don't want to do it.
I think for a Disney movie... I thought it was fine.
It was a Disney movie, right. I did read the book.
I thought it was fine. I read every Michael Lewis book.
I feel like Disney movie and car crashes. I can't speak to the movie.
Have you seen the intro of Up? Lion King? The intro of Up. What about when they slaughter a young cub's dad in front of him? Is that...
Okay. So they cross a line.
When they hunt down Bambi's mother and kill her in front of Bambi. Was that...
That was cool. There's some lady getting poisoned and she falls asleep for the rest of her life, basically.
That's also a Disney movie. How was the movie? Was it good? Yeah, it was great.
I didn't see it. Big Mike.
I read the book. That's what they call him.
Pro tip for everyone out there, just anytime Michael Lewis comes out with a book, read it because it will most likely end up being a movie. What else do you do? Big Short, Moneyball, and Blindside.
He's the book to movie guy. He is the book to movie guy.
What you got, Billy? I got the Cam Newton clip, the first one. Okay.
That was like four topics ago. Yep.
All right. So, Ryan Whitney brought to you.
Billy, I'll give you a good who's back. You ready? No, I don't need to.
Trent Richardson. Yeah.
Trent Richardson's back. Road to Canton starts now in Mexico.
Future Hall of Famer. He's joining the Cadidos de Chihuahua of the Mexican-American Football League.
I wouldn't mind a jersey in this office. No, not at all.
I would love one of those. But I think he's just inventing new leagues to join so that he can technically say I'm still a football player.
And in the interview with him, he didn't really know what he was going to be doing for the team, which I guess isn't that different from when he was on the Browns. But he was like, I don't know if I'm going to be playing or if I'm going to be around the team helping them out in various ways.
And then it just devolved into him being like, I got daughters now that are going into high school. And they're always on their phones.
And they don't see me very often. And it just went in these weird directions.
And I was thinking, is Trent Richardson okay? Probably not. Trent Richardson went from being really good to just unbelievably shitty.
Yeah. Almost overnight.
Yes. What happened to that guy? Well, yeah, I don't know.
He just had no vision. Billy, how are the QB breakdowns coming? Oh, they're going great.
Yeah. Great.
All right. Let's get to Ryan Whitney.
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Here he is, Ryan Whitney. All right.
We now welcome on one of our favorite guests. We've've been promising the people I don't think I've ever had As many tweets in the past week Being like where the fuck is Whitney You promised us Whitney It is Ryan Whitney Spitting Chicklets You know seriously you are the people's champ So Whit is here Spitting Chicklets if you don't, it's the number one hockey podcast.
So, we want to talk to the hockey. Number one podcast in Canada.
Number one podcast in Canada. That's a fact.
I have a question first, though, before we start. Yeah.
Who farted? It wasn't me. It was great question.
I can't tell you who it was. I can tell you who it wasn't.
That's this guy. Okay.
I have a non-hockey question to start. You're in Florida right now.
How's the golf game looking? The golf game's nice. I just played in a tournament in Tampa this past week.
I'm playing a lot. I think I got some of this tennis elbow, which is weird that it's not golfer's elbow, but mine's tennis elbow.
But it's been driving me nuts. It's been driving me crazy.
i'm still playing a lot i'm playing a lot it's hockey tough yeah wow congratulations have you played with any famous people no i haven't oh you haven't no okay no i'm hoping to maybe meet meet one famous guy and play with them but nothing yet damn all right well i'm rooting for you to play with some famous people thanks dan i've. I've got a question for you because people might not know you from doing Spitting Chicklets.
It might just be like, that's the guy from the new Amsterdam vodka commercial that's always on my television. Did you write the line more like Paul Mistenet? Or did someone else? Someone wrote that for you, right? You can't.
Biz wrote it. Biz wrote it himself? We got to that commercial and it was the longest day of my life.
It was we did three different commercials and all the scripts for each commercial was like the corniest shit like stuff. We'd never stay.
It was just so awkward. And biz is like, nope, nope.
We'd never say this. Absolutely not.
And he just rewrote the whole thing. And he just said what to say at all times.
Pretty much night. At least out of every ten words I said, Biz gave me nine of them.

I'm shocked that Paul was like the main writer.

Did he get credit for writing that? Paul is a fascinating human being.

You guys know Biz.

He's like a genius in some ways and completely out to lunch in other ways.

It's very hard to describe.

But he is very good in terms of like imagination, thinking of things, how to write a commercial. Who would have guessed? A vivid imagination.
All right, let's talk some hockey. So did you know that the sun exists? So it is a thing.
It gets hot. And sometimes in the area that they call Lake Tahoe, it can be warm in the winter.
Did you know that? Well, also it comes out in the day. Yeah.
So typically around noon, like they call that afternoon area, like that window between noon and four. That's usually when the sun's out.
Yeah. Depends on where you are on the planet.
But, yeah, that's pretty much a solid time point that you got to rely on the sun. So if people who maybe weren't paying attention this weekend, the Winter Classic is in Lake Tahoe this weekend.
It's actually an incredible, incredible setup, scenic views, picturesque. If you closed your eyes and said what an outdoor hockey, a perfect outdoor hockey game would look like, it was this setup.
Unfortunately, the sun was out, as it sometimes happens uh on saturday during the day and now the nhl has done a bunch of outdoor games uh gary bettman even said we've done everything we played in snow we played in rain but sunshine has always been our enemy and uh they had to delay the game so do you do guys like playing these outdoor games or is it kind of is it kind of old hat now I'm kind of all over the map with this I got chance to play in the first one not to make it about me not a big deal I got to play in the first one was nuts it was Crosby scores the shootout winner snowing Buffalo it was perfection how it went now as it went along and it went along like you know the classic which is always New Year's Day I actually think it's great because it's something different guys do enjoy playing it and i mean like it's people it's right before like the rose bowl and stuff like it's a good it's a good time to have it so i think that's been great the years have gone on where they started doing you know just the uh what they do the series like the winter classic series where the teams are playing games they did a game at air force they've done a game in la they've kind of done them everywhere so in a sense like i do feel bad chirping them for this mishap and what happened with colorado vegas but i mean it's worked everywhere else they did one in dallas last year and it was sick dallas nashville we were down there so i i know that like the planning sounds ridiculous but it kind of was the perfect storm of sun to ruin the game. Daytime.
I think guys are probably enjoying getting to do it right now because the year is so boring and they can't leave their hotels. And at least this is something different.
But I'm sure there's guys that will tell you, like, all right, enough is enough. It's lost its – we've lost our course here on the outdoor games.
I kind of agree with you that the New year's day one felt special and then when they added extra ones it's like but and this one you know we all had our fun on saturday with gary bettman because it's it you can't predict that it's going to be exactly like that because i think the temperature was it was freezing so it's just the quote that he had when he said if you look up at the sun the, the cloud covers everywhere but where the sun is. And it's like, OK, dude, yeah, that's that.
Yeah, that happens sometimes. No, big hat.
That's how you can see the sun when the cloud doesn't cover it. So that's how you're looking up.
In terms of just the actual game, how different is it to play outside versus indoors? At the beginning, it's crazy. I think you get used to it.
The day in Buffalo, it was freezing. So we had the heat warmers on the bench, football style.
And it was like, you ended up getting into it, depending if you played a decent amount or not. But at the beginning, it is weird.
And I think to have the fans around, it was awesome. And that's the one thing I did want to say about people who chirped the game.
Nobody who's at these games is upset about them. Like, it's your tailgate.
Everyone gets wrecked. It's like it's all about for the people that are there.
So then this year, right, like, I think it would have been even more difficult because you see the guys, you see the fans and the people watching this year. You're just looking out on this lake, and it was probably, like, actually probably pretty cool, I'm guessing, at the beginning.
I mean, I know watching on TV when it came on, I was like, this looks incredible. They should never have fans again at these or put them in places that are just picturesque.
So, I don't know. I don't know.
What was the question again? I don't even remember. Oh, actual playing the game.
Is it harder? Oh, yeah. At the beginning.
But you get used to it, no doubt. Unless the sun's in your eyes.
but that means the clouds aren't covering the sun. It was actually a

very cloudy day for a sunny day.

So I do respect the fact that

you can't plan on having a sunny, cloudy

day. Well, it's like, you know, the guy was

like, look at the sky. Look at the day.
There's not a

cloud in the sky. And then the guy was like,

oh, there's one there. Like, you kind of

like that guy. Have you ever played a game where

you have to start and stop

after a period? You have to wait, you know, sit around for the entire rest of the day that was crazy i've had to uh wait you know we had like in college hockey stuff finals or semi-finals right like you're the second game and the first game went into double triple ot i think so you're waiting around but like you never actually played part of the game you never went out and warm up she hadn't actually skated yet so like the the thought of them getting undressed having to dry their equipment having the trainers to do the laundry and like get everything redone for just the second period sounded like a nightmare to me because what do you do go back and sleep it's like i guess they approach it like a whole new game but definitely nothing like that i've ever been a part of that's a good question like what do they do they do laundry do you wash all the jerseys and then is there time i don't i don't i bet you they probably did wash the jerseys and then the laundry like your actual like ginch what you wear underneath i mean you're just you got bags and bags of that you got your backup set for the game if they didn't want to get it done that quick maybe they did though guys are very superstitious yeah all right so the other big story from the weekend sydney crosby's thousandth win you played with sydney crosby that was a game Really? Thousand games, sorry.ney Crosby, thousandth win. You played with Sidney Crosby.
Thousandth game. Really? Thousandth game.
Sorry. Thousandth game, not thousandth win.
Thousandth game. That would have been crazy.
You played with him. Is he, where is he on all-time hockey players list? And you know what? You're not good at the double question, so I'll just start with that.
I actually crushed double questions. I've really improved since we first met on that, so fuck right off.
And I will answer the first part, and that is I actually think it's in no particular order. I haven't prepared enough to give you that order.
I don't know if I even could do it, but it's Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Sidney Crosby, Bobby Orr, Gordie Howe. Okay, no particular order, that's your top five.

Crosby's in my top five players of all time.

Okay, what about best scorers?

Ovechkin is, I think, the best goal scorer of all time.

I know he doesn't have the most goals, which he actually somehow might break,

although it's a tough start right now for his season goal-wise.

But Ovechkin is right there with Gretzky and Hall, top goal scorers of all time. So you played with one of the top five guys of all time.
What's your best Crosby story? Not even off ice, but on ice, just how it was to play with him, and did he make your job and everyone's job that much easier just having him on the ice with you? Well who listens to Spittin' Chick-O's know I just say thanks, Sid, all the time. So in terms of making things easy for me, Big Cat, I am not lying to you.
I had 10 assists one year that I was sitting on the bench once the goal was scored because I just passed it to him. I passed it to him in the neutral zone or our own zone.
And he's like, and then like he ends up scoring or giving it to someone else and i'd be like uh you know goal scored by evgeny malkin assisted by sydney crosby and ryan whitney i was like what i was like oh my god i did give it to him a minute and a half ago so it was like his is his first i mean my first memory of like my before my first memory of like hearing about sid was like you know this kid's the next great one. It's like he can't miss.
And so, I mean, you've heard of different players before and it doesn't work out, but everything was kind of aligning for him. And then the NHL season was canceled, so you couldn't figure out who was going to get the first overall pick for Crosby.
And the year prior, Pittsburgh, you know, they were so bad. And I think that that they won the lottery I don't remember they I don't remember how they did the lottery but Pittsburgh won my brother came flying flying in the house he's like Pittsburgh got Crosby you're gonna play with Crosby like I was like oh my god like and I hadn't you know ever seen the kid play but all you'd heard is like this is hit this is it so I got to camp and a buddy of mine Noah Welsh she's from he's in camp with the Penguins, played a little bit with the Penguins as well.
He was in the group, the first group in the morning, right, which is like Crosby's group. And he came off, he's like, he's the best hockey player to ever live.
He's like, he's doing things. I was like, what, is it that crazy? And then I got the chance to watch and see, and it was like a different game.
I know people say now McDavid's doing things that have never been done but Crosby was one of those guys you'll never forget seeing what he do he was so fast through the neutral zone and then he was enormous his lower half he's got a huge ass huge legs and he's just like down low you can't get the puck away from him he's quick he's like driving off you and just embarrassing guys in practice and in games and he was all 18. It it was nuts i love those type of stories though because it is like the guys who are truly special i feel like everyone just knows right away and they're like okay this is just totally different than anyone else who just shows up at 18 years old yeah there was a there was like moments when guys are he's giving guys passes that have you know he's given zigman paul fee mark Recchi passes where they're almost not even ready for it just because there's no way somebody could have got that puck to me like there was no lanes how is it there and then like so making everyone's life easier uh the second year which I think it was his best year in the NHL I don't know if he'd say that but he won MVP and that was my biggest year that's the only reason I got a contract is that year and we had this play right right? It was like I was backdoor guy on the power play.
I don't know how I weaseled my way onto this power play. It was Sergey Gonchar, Sidney Crosby, Evgeny Malkin, Mark Reckie, and then me, the pigeon.
So I'm like playing the offside, and Crosby's finding me, right? If you know hockey, he's on the half ball at the puck, and I'm going down to the back door of the net, and he keeps hitting me. I'm like not ready for it, or I can't handle it.
It's such a hard pass, but it's right on my tape. And the assistant coach, Mike Yeo, he's coached as a head coach in the NHL since, but he's like, you have to learn to handle this pass.
You've got to learn to get a shot off. He's going to keep finding you.
So he actually helped me a ton, Mike Yeo, in practice after practice. enough, I started like being able to just like one time these things.
I'm not kidding you. It'd be a kind of a cross ice pass that I would just have my stick and like really firmly hold my bottom hand thing would go up, up beat the goalie because the past was so perfect.
Nobody could see it coming. So I was able to like really benefit from getting points and signing a huge contract directly because of him.
How long into his career did he get, like, did the

hate... I was able to really benefit from getting points and signing a huge contract directly because of him.
How long into his career did the hazing stop with him? Because I have to imagine if a guy comes in who's that good, right, and everybody's talking about him like, okay, he's the next Gretzky. He's this young hotshot on your team.
I feel like you guys probably had to break him in a little bit. There was probably a little element of like, we got to make sure this kid doesn't get a big head.

No, it wasn't. Nobody fucked with Sid.

I actually think that's

different for some guys.

I'm sure guys were busting his

balls and stuff, but there was no

pranks being pulled on Crosby,

really. If they were,

they were minor ones that would laugh.

They were ruining my shoes and cutting holes in my suits. You didn't do that to him.
I was a pigeon getting tossed. We're going to get back to Ryan Whitney.
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All right, let's talk some hockey this season. Do you like the setup that that like the playoff setup and how everything is different where we could actually have a Stanley Cup final that is to, you know, to East teams, you know, that are usually on the East or two West teams.
Do you like that? Do you like that? It's just all kind of chaotic. I love it.
I think the all Canadian division is sick. Yeah.
And people, people kind of chirp because they get the most love and granted i mean it's hockey in canada and i think that toronto's a wagon they're nasty but i don't know how deep the division is so people are like oh my god they're gonna come whoever comes out of that division they're gonna get smoked anyways but i'm a huge fan and i know that it sucks for players because like, I mean,

the blues,

the blues played the coyotes seven straight games. Yeah.

This is ridiculous.

But I think as a fan,

it is like fun to watch.

And the playoffs is what'll be,

what'll be crazy because four teams from each division.

And then at the end,

the final four,

you got a winner from each.

And it's like,

all of a sudden the Bruins play the Canadians in the cup final.

It's like,

there's so many different options here that I'm wondering if they'll be

able to build on some of it.

I don't know if you can ever like actually do this again, or you'd want to, because you want each guy, you want fans to get the chance to see McDavid and Ovechkin and Crosby. Like it doesn't make sense, but for this one year, as crazy as it's been, I think it's doing great.
And I know there's been madness in terms of like COVID, which every sport it's dealing with with cancellations. But in the end, the games are going to get played and hockey's going on.
So I'm a huge fan of what's going on only because the rivalry's forming and basically the storylines write themselves with these games back to back to back. Yeah, and the Maple Leafs are really good, but I feel like the Maple Leafs as a franchise, at least in America, we don't talk about them as being one of the all-time most heartbreaking franchises to root for.
But they've had their moments. They are right up there with a lot of the Atlanta stats that we like to throw out or the Minnesota stats that we throw out.
But can you give hope to Toronto fans this year? Or is it going to be another letdown? I think you can. I think it's 1967.
So what is that? 53? I'm a math guy. 53 years? I mean, it's like you don't really – you remember the Rangers when they won there, there was the signs, 54 years, finally, like now I can die in peace.
The Maple Leafs have been pathetic. And I wouldn't say pathetic because a lot of years they had good teams, couldn't get out of the East.
But now they have a team that is like legitimately built to win a stanley cup i think they got fort and they got wayne simmons they have like toughness they got good d their goaltending solid and matthews i'll say marner's marner's an amazing player matthews right now it's kind of taken over the league at least goal scoring wise he's on pace to score 55 goals in a 55-game season, whatever it is. I've actually come out and said

that I'm rooting

for the Toronto Maple Leafs to win

the cup this year. That's my team this year.

I want them to win. I think Biz might have

came out and said the same thing. We're Maple Leafs

bandwagon guys.

I love their uniforms.

I love the history. I love the drama.

Hockey is just... If they have a

bad game, all these ridiculous

nutcase Maple Leafs fans are saying the team sucks. And if they it's just like the passion behind Maple Leafs fans and that team is so good that I want to see him get it done.
Why do they spell their name? FS. Why isn't it Maple Leafs? That's a great question, dude.
I have no clue. Yeah, I don't know know either great question uh my one blackhawks question uh so this was supposed to be a lost year they're playing really well yeah a lot of young guys playing really well obviously taze you know is out and and kind of mysteriously but hopefully he's okay but are we buying that they could possibly get in the playoffs because it is weird to look at like they've won I think seven or seven out of last nine or whatever it may be now but they also have played more games than other teams that they're around so it's hard to like totally judge if they could be in the top four of their division yeah I said um because Chief's been all over them and been loving like what kind of team they have or not what kind of team they have, but how they play.
And I said, it's great to watch, but there's no chance they're making the playoffs. No chance.
I just don't see it happening. The depth isn't there.
Maybe if Taves comes back, but who knows what's going on there. Hope he is all right.
But it's still fun because they're a team that I think not much was expected. And if you ask most Blackhawks fans, they're like the pesky Hawks.
They're not really giving up any games. They are way more difficult to play against than people thought.
And the main reason, well, Debrinket bouncing back. He had a tough year after he signed that big deal last year.
He's been great, but Kane is just like a different animal. I continually wonder, will he slow down? Chicago's not as good.
And every year, he's right near the top of the league. It's like a different, different animal.
It's like, I continually wonder like, will he slow down? Chicago is not as good. And every year he's right, right near the top of the league.
It's like a truly hall of fame, all time, great player, Patrick Kane. So I think the ability to have him still out there and just generating whenever he wants, he scored that spinner ram spinner ram a backhand goal the other day.
He just does things that like, there's very few people in the world that can do it. So as long long as he's there i guess they'll have a way better chance than i gave him yeah oh i i just remembered you just uh triggered my second sydney crosby question i was gonna ask i don't know how the hall of fame works in in hockey will you be invited with when sydney crosby gets into the hall of fame will we'd be part of the crew? I doubt it.

Come on.

The only thing I have going for me is Chicklets.

We interviewed him.

He came on that.

Obviously, he likes Biz and I enough to have done that show

because he's a pretty private guy.

And we were rookies together.

So maybe he looks back like, oh, same year, we witnessed the NHL together. I brought them to a bar in Boston.
We got waffled. I mean, I just don't think we're that close that I'm going to his hall of fame game.
I just, I hauls for hall of fame induction. I don't know.
They always have like old teammates. They could just, yeah, I know.
I know. But like, I didn't win a cup with them.
He's won three. So there's so many teammates that won a cup.
Thanks for bringing it up. And I just hope that maybe when I text him, when he gets into the Hall of Fame, he texts me back.
Like, thanks, man. I think what you have to do is you just have to make a name for yourself as the biggest Sidney Crosby supporter in the world.
Like a great way to do it. You guys don't listen to Chick-Uts.
You guys, you think of all time. Obnoxiously brought up that I am the Stan.
But I just heard you say that he's not the greatest hockey player of all time. Yeah, like when I ask that, you should be like number one.
Number one, and it's not even close. That's what you should say.
You should be the Sidney Crosby guy. Then you'll get that invitation.
You need to do like. You guys are not a big NBA guy.
Mind pretzeling me right now. do like you you guys you're not a big NBA guy mind pretzeling me right now you're probably right you're not a big NBA guy but you what you need to do is you need to become like the Nick Wright for LeBron you need to do that for Sidney Crosby you need to have stats like ready to go like oh you know you know everything that is just twisted so that Sidney Crosby is the greatest of all time is indisputable.
If I ask you for who's the best, you're like, yeah, you know, Sidney Crosby actually has, if you do it like per game and you break it down, like he's actually 10 times better than Wayne Gretzky. You need that.
If that gets me to Toronto on whatever night that is, probably in like 10 years, then I will start doing that. Okay, we're going to get you some stats.
I'll write it down on my hand just every day, just re-ink it so I never forget. You need to cut up highlight reels of what the goaltending was like in the 80s and just show a bunch of goalies falling on their face and be like, this is who Wayne Gretzky was scoring against.
Very valid argument right there. Although Frankie Borelli thought he couldn't even play in the NHL.
Yeah, that was very stupid. What a mutant.
Very stupid. Very stupid.
Is it true? How bad were the goalies in the 1980s? I mean, it's tough to say, right? Now they look horrific, but how bad do, I don't know, golfers look in the 80s? They're all fat slobs. I don't know.
It was just what they were back then. I'm sure you look back at offense and say, wow, guys weren't making many saves, but their pads, they were wearing Boston Globes taped around their legs.
They didn't even have pads. So now the goalies, you can't even see the net.
It's hard. But they did suck.
I mean, there's videos. There's plenty of videos of guys in the 70s and 80s scoring slap shots on the ice.
That doesn't happen anymore. Right.
I like that. I hate the Boston Globe, too, but sorry.
I like the visual of just getting out there. Do you think you could have played without a helmet? No, God, no.
My ears, I would have tripped over. My ear would have caught the plexiglass and ripped right off.
I actually, who was I talking to? Was there still a guy?

Who was the last guy again?

I think Craig McTavish was the last player.

Was he still in the league when you were...

Because he got grandfathered. No, no.

I never played against somebody that didn't wear

a helmet. But people would

say he would stand in front of the net and just

come off after shifts with just

straight up nicks needing

stitches in his forehead. He's like, I don't

care. They said

Craig McTavish, too, would take face-offs

Thank you. come off after shifts with just straight up nicks needing stitches in his forehead.
He's like, I don't care. They said

Craig McTavish, too, would take face-offs

and just headbutt the guy with the helmet on.

He was taking the face off. Jesus Christ.

I love that that was a grandfather rule.

You know what? You've been playing without a helmet

for long enough that the damage has already been done.

I got grandfathered in

for one thing, which was

they made people start wearing half shields when you come into the league. And I never did until I got sent to the minors at the end where you had to.
So I got grandfathered in for one thing. Yeah.
Okay. So I'm looking up right now.
96, 97. He played.
I remember being like, how is there one guy who doesn't have an helmet on? That guy's crazy. You're like, that guy's crazy, and he probably liked it.
Right. The really crazy thing, though, is when the goalies didn't have helmets on.
Because, yeah, maybe it was the 50s, whatever, Jacques Plant, whoever started, I don't know exactly what year it was. And they were shooting it on the ice, and they weren't shooting it as heavy and hard as they are now.
But deflections were still happening. Yes goalies are staying there.
Pucks are getting tipped. They're hitting shin pads and going flying into their nose.
So those are the true lunatics. Yeah, it's crazy to think that anybody never – back in the day, you didn't sit down and think, maybe if I'm going to play goalie, I'm going to wear a face mask or a helmet.
Yeah, hey, man, you want to play goalie? Can I get a helmet pussy pussy yeah man card um speaking of being a tough guy do you do you think that now your fighting record wasn't great do you think you could have beaten up jose canseco that night yeah the other night yeah yeah i would i mean i would hope so i mean billy billy came at him hard which was great but like that guy looked like a stumbling drunk walking out of a bar, walking into the ring. It's true.
Billy Football, does Billy Football think he knocked him out or does he know he took a dive? He's listening right now. Go ahead, Billy.
Billy, tell him what you're about to fight. Tell him what you were.
He just quit. He thought I was a joke, and then I showed wasn't it wasn't taking a dive for the money like didn't matter who it was like if he know if he didn't think you were a killer coming out he would have gone put on a show but the thing is he realized he made a business decision yeah you know at the end of the day well you were in war mode hey whatever helps you sleep at night billy i hate when people say it's a fucking dive because the thing about a dive is everyone's on the same page for a dive because you're supposed to make it not look like a dive.
That's the whole point of a dive. Your mind was switched to the point where you were ready to kill him.
Yeah, 100%. It was very impressive that opening bell, boom, you were on your toes getting right after him, Billy.
I jumped him. That was the plan.
Throw over 100 punches around. How much weight did you gain before the fight? I lost a ton.
Yeah, Billy was trying to throw 140 punches in the first round. That was his plan.
That was the target number? No, that was his team. It was like 140, dude.
I would hit the bag for a minute in straight, and I'd go up to 140 in a minute. Yeah.
Actually, no. Those are actually minute 30 rounds.

Okay, yeah.

Who's next on the card?

I'm waiting for Jake Paul

to lose to Ben Askren

and then I'm going to

call him out.

Hopefully he loses.

I love it.

That's the next step.

Man, he's going to see

that fight against

Quintego 1.

Nothing to do with you.

Yeah.

You got some good tape

out there.

Absolutely.

Yeah, I mean,

it sucks that it wasn't

a longer fight.

I feel bad.

I was there to scrap. Right.
Get my ass. Once you got into the ring, it was war zone.
Yes. Whit, who do you have for winning the – so you're rooting for the Leafs.
Yes. But what's your prediction? I can't, like, pick against Tampa.
I don't know. Like, their team is just so stacked..
Like last year you saw, they were like just heads and shoulders above anyone else. And people kind of say like, Oh, they don't have Kucherov all year.
I'm like, yeah, that's great. They're going to get them back right for the playoffs.
It's like, perfect. He'll, he'll be skating with them like before the playoffs, he'll be ready to go.
And then you just throw that guy in with the team they already have so with how easily they

kind of got it done last year and especially especially after they went through like they were they were virginia hoops dude they they lost in the first round swept by columbus and then they won it the next year it was like so now they're over that hump where it's like all right let's get another one and they just have such a deep team and their goalie is one of the tops in the league. So I like Tampa.

I'm hoping for Toronto. And I think Vegas and Colorado are just going to end up battling it out in the West.
I don't know how that's going to go down. I don't know who will end up coming out on top when they do face each other, if they do face each other.
But I look forward to it because the NHL right now is as healthy as it's ever been. I think it's like the league's great.
I think for all the people that like bitch and whine and want fighting out of the game,

the... forward to it because the nhl right now is as healthy as it's ever been i think it's like the league's great i i think um for all the people that like bitch and whine and want fighting out of the game the part the parts of fighting that that are gone are probably the parts that should should be gone is that was like just pre premeditated like didn't even mean anything had nothing from the game just too heavy just going at it to kind of set the tone for a game i know like guys made a living and i respect those guys more than ever but it was like now you see fights that are happening out of like pure rage during the game that's when it's okay that's what like people really want to see in a sense of two guys are battling the corner all of a sudden they're just so pissed off it's just naturally go so hockey has that while also having more scoring and less of like the the big time brawls and what what what happened before so i think it's awesome yeah i did i looked up actually jake sent us uh the reason why the maple leafs are called the leafs and not the leaves because they're named after you guys have that what a staff you guys have you can get that jake's we would be asking that question on chicklets for three more weeks to each other.
I almost wish I didn't know the answer because it's kind of boring.

It's just like they're named after a maple leaf, right?

They're not named after a bunch of leaves.

A singular leaf.

They're named after a singular leaf.

So as a collective whole, they are the maple leaves.

I feel like if I'd used my brain at all, I maybe could have answered that.

It's a maple leaf. But in your defense, you were just doing an interview you probably played 36 holes today like you i didn't play golf today i took the day off was bummed out too it's beautiful oh shit all right so my last question is what are you actually shooting right now like what are you shooting in golf um so i just played in a tournament and uh first round i shot 71 i played great.
In the second round, I shot 76, and that missed the cut.

It was a good like mid-am or tournament. So mid-ams are amateur golfers who are 25 years or older so that you get rid of the college studs, you know, the younger.
So it's like more like the it's like men's league for golf, but people are good. So it's a good field where all these kids have played in USGA events and good big-time golf.
Seniors played with a couple seniors that played in the US Senior Open, and I missed the cut. So that was unfortunate.
But still, I played pretty solid. I missed the cut by one, plus seven.
I need to shoot plus six. Are you, like, borderline maybe thinking about someday trying to go to, like, Q school? No, not even.
have the balls like caleb presley oh no i just don't have the game like the people i actually say a lot that i think that uh pga tour golfers are better at their sport than any other professional athlete is at their sport if that makes any sense if you threw in a scratch golfer, so I'm like a zero handicap. If you threw me in a PGA Tour event, I would stand out.
I would look way more foolish than if you put in like a good men's league basketball player in an NBA game. Interesting.
I know that sounds crazy, but those golfers are like plus six handicaps. They're regularly shooting 66, 67 at their home course.
It's a different world. So, yeah, throw me in an NBA game.
I'll look like Sean Bradley. Throw me on the tour.
I'll shoot 100 and quit. Who do you think what other sport is best for, like, athletes in another sport best for golfers after they retire? And have you played with anyone who maybe retired from their sport and now play golf? Oh, who's awesome golfers? What's his name? Hicks on the Yankees is nasty.
Oh, okay. He's really good.
Who are some of the – Smoltz, John Smoltz. John Smoltz.
John Smoltz played in the U.S. Senior Open.
He's got a nice game. I heard MJ's awesome.
Michael Jordan's apparently a very good golfer. I heard he likes to gamble on the course.
Who else? Steph Curry. Charles Barkley sucks.
Oh, Tony Romo. Tony Romo.
Steph Curry's really good. Apparently Barkley used to be a legitimate good golfer.
I don't know what happened in the last game. Romo's good.
Romo's played in some sick amateur events. Probably events that he has no business in, like playing with college kids and then finishing last.
It's like, dude, you're not that good. But no to Jordan.
You've never played with Jordan. No.
Someday. Hopefully.
Someday, boys. Someday.
Maybe. That'd be a dream.
That'd be a dream. It's a dream to come on your pod again.
I feel like it's been fucking 10 years since Biz and I sat in that. I know.
It was the old office. I know.
You guys had Biz and I on. Kind of just get like, get the chicklets a little bit of pardon my take love.
And ever since it's been, we're always chasing you guys down. Number one.
You feel like you got a bullseye on your head? Yeah, from Billy Football, who's sitting right next to me. He called us old to Erica.
Can you believe that? Billy, you know who fucking butters your bread, you Muppet? Buddy, I was trying. Who's your buddy? He just hit you with a buddy.
Who did you buddy? Was that me or what? That was a buddy. Did you buddy me? He buddied me? I didn't buddy it.
Who did you buddy? I did say buddy. Who did you buddy? You just said buddy to me, dude.
I was saying no, no, no. Bro, I'm not buddy.
Bro, you're bro-ing me now? No, I'm not. I'm getting bro-ed and buddied by Billy fucking football? No, I was talking to Big Cat.
Yo, that's even worse. Yeah, you don't buddy Big Cat.
Your buddy and your boss? Look, I sang his praises. Put your tongue away for a minute.
I sang his praises for the whole interview, and I just say one thing about me basically being younger than these guys, and they just won't drop it. It was just interesting to see.
I know why Lions kill their young sometimes. No, and you also know, like, who ends up taking the two power kings down? Part of my take, the guys from within.
Yeah. And Billy also gave Big Cat coronavirus and tried to kill him.
So, like, it's all adding up. I'm a parasite on this operation.
If the host dies, I die. Interesting.
All right, Whit, hopefully we see a March Madness.

I'm going to be there.

I'm going to definitely be there because

I don't know if you know, I'm a Chelsea football fan.

Yes. And I'm coming

when they play Arsenal next in

May and I'm going to fucking stomp on

Zahn troops. I don't know if you know, but I'm the number

one troops troll, so

I'll tell you all my lessons.

He almost punched me the other day. But I'm going to have my team whooping on them and my team looks nice i mean like arsenal is a joke of a club i'm really into football now soccer sorry i'm even that official i'm calling it football it's it's not you do you actually watch the games every game no you don't every single game since i started watching chelsea i've watched and i watch most premier league games i love that they're on in the morning yeah weekend yeah and then wednesdays and stuff like three o'clock it's i'm dude i'm all in on soccer it's crazy i find myself watching games not even chelsea games i'm wikipedia guys i love the drama i love how the managers are like these like hollywood like celebrities it's just it's awesome.
They call it the beautiful game, I think. Yeah.
Still go bonito. No, it actually is.
The fact that it's on in the mornings, like you just pop it on. It's actually the best like background noise sport there is.
Yeah. And the no commercials thing.
Sick. And it's cool to see you wake up and just see a ball moving on grass.
It's very refreshing for a hangover. It just it does into your Saturday.
Yep, I love it. All right, well, Whit, thank you.
You're the best, man. People's champ.
All right, guys, great catching up with you guys. I'll see you soon, hopefully.
Good to see you, Whit. See you, man.
Take care. Later.
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Okay, let's do some segments and send everyone on their way. Just a reminder, go subscribe to Macro Dosing with PFT and Arian Foster.
We'll have Arian Foster on the show on Wednesday. Let's go.
Hank's been coughing a lot recently. Hank.
Sorry, I got the antibodies. No big deal.
So does Billy. I don't.
I'm exposed. Billy and I are just fucking.
We basically, we're so badass we created our own vaccine. That's only really good for six months or so.
Yeah. All right, let's go.
We got talking tennis. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! My goat.
No... Joe...
Wait, what's his name? Novak Djokovic. Novak Djokovic.
You would have gotten there. I was going to say Novak Djokovic.

Novak Smokovic.

I definitely thought his name was Novak Djokovic.

I am the number one Novak Djokovic fan out there.

He wins his 18th championship, right?

18th title. 18th major.
Major. What do you call him in tennis? I don't know.
Help us out here. Grand slam.
Grand slam. He's the fucking goat.
Suck on this dick, Jake. What? What? You don't think he's the goat? Why me? You don't think he's the goat? Well, because you're a Federer guy.
I know you. I can smell you from a mile away.
You have the RF hat that you wear when you're fucking playing tennis at Boca Raton. Yeah, I know.
Raton. I know.
Wait, you're not a Rafa guy? I like Rafa too. A fellow lefty.
I thought you were a Rafa guy. I'm a Rafa guy.
Vamo's Rafa. You can't.
No, that's bullshit. You cannot like both Rafa and Federer.
Pick one. You have to hate one of them.
Pick one. Pick who's your goat.
That's so soft if you like both of them. All right.
Fed your goat, so suck on this dick. All right.
I mean, what more does Djokovic have to do? Just keep winning all the fucking tournaments? Rafa and Roger have 20. Okay.
So he's not there yet. And Djokovic is? 18.
He's only 18? No. He is 33.
Okay. So we're going to get there.
Roger, 39. Rafa.
He got booed, too, right? 34. However, I didn't see that.
It was 3.30 in the morning. I was not up, unfortunately.
I wasn't either. Dovak got booed? Dovak got booed, I think.
That's the vaccination. Yeah, he probably reintroduced to the COVID of Australia.
So Rafa and Roger is high, but at Roland Garros French Open, Rafa literally wins every time. Well, guess what? An Australian Open at Sydney, Dovak wins every single time.
He's won seven in a row, right? Rafa has beat Federer at Wimbledon, has he not? They all beat each other. Dovak has beaten Federer at Wimbledon as of recently.

That was a sick match.

Yeah, that's what got me into tennis.

Has Dovak beat Rafa at the French?

No one beats Rafa at the French.

Exactly.

But that's a good specialist.

It's different than everything else.

Competition closed.

Also, the actual fifth Grand Slam is coming up in Miami.

What is that?

Wait, no.

You can't do that.

No, it's the biggest non-Grand Slam.

On your home court.

Yeah.

It's really cool. They do it at Hard Rock Stadium.
You haven't even said what's the name of the tournament. Of course they do.
Miami Open. Miami Open is the fifth Grand Slam.
Yeah. I doubt that.
I highly doubt that. Google it.
I'm going to Google the fifth Grand Slam tennis. It's either going to say that or Indian Wells, which is right before it.
The fifth Grand Slam tennis is... Oh, conveniently, when Dovak did win a French Open...
Indian Wells. Rafa hurt his widow wist.
Bullshit. But if he's healthy for Roland Garros, he will win it.
Dovak? No, Rafaafa. I do respect Dovac.
I'm fascinated by anybody that can become like a – how many millions of dollars has he won? Probably like – including endorsements, you have to think he's probably made like $100 million. He's not endorsed like Rafa.
Or Federer. He's a bad boy.
Yeah, he's a bad boy. So he's got – yeah, he can't have like the watch companies.
He's got My got my pillow. He's got my pillow.
That's basically it. You can't get, like, Rolex behind you if you're an anti-vaxxer.
But I respect somebody who's that rich but that committed to just posting all their worst ideas all the time. Yes.
Like, all you have to do if you're Novak is just, like, not post your ideas. But he's so addicted to the online lifestyle and getting all that bad boy street cred that he's like you know what I don't give a shit if I can't get sponsored by like H&R Block I'm gonna fucking get these autism takes off my chest I agree that there are certain athletes that it's like you know like oh shut up and dribble I want athletes to say whatever want, and I want really dumb athletes like Djokovic.
I want them to be louder. Yeah.
Yes. Johnny Damon, who we were talking about earlier, I want them to be as loud as possible because it's funnier.
Yes, exactly. All right, so that was talking tennis.
And Osako on. Hank's girl.
Hank Osako. Well, you know what I mean.
He's a fan. He's a fan.
Yeah, sure. Okay.
Hell yeah. Nice.
Did Darren tweet anything about Novak being a bottom tier human being? No, he posted a way too long Instagram story of his kid's birthday party. Wait, did you say his name? Oh, shit.
Well, since you said his name, I just wanted to... I should have to brand myself.
I want to disagree with one thing. He was like, if the only reason you're getting into Bitcoin or Top Shot...
Is it Top Shot? Top Shot? Those are the trading cards? You told us in the group shot not to talk about them. I know, but Top Shot? This is a different...
Wait, is that my Top Golf idea? No, it's like the hologram shit. There was a point made that yeah, the Top Shot, the Bitcoin trading cards, if the only reason you're getting into it is a fear of missing out, that's the wrong reason? No, no, no, no.
That's exactly right. That's the only reason to get in.
The only reason to get into all of these things is that you don't want to someday be pumping the gas for a fucking Bitcoin billionaire's boat. Yep.
I don't want to be a sucker. No.
I will freely admit I do not understand what this top shot is. I don't think I ever will get it, but I do know that i'm going to pretend like i understand i just know that it's uh so advanced thinking that if i don't get it i need to get behind the people that do get it if fear of missing out isn't your main motivator to do pretty much anything in life you're not living a correct life it's therapeutic watching other people open packs of cards i don't get that i still don't i don't that.
I think it's an ASMR thing. Is it the sound that you like or is it like I wonder what they're going to take out? Also, there's something hilarious.
I've watched a bunch of different people do it. There's something just oddly therapeutic about someone being like, alright, and we have, you know, okay, Marvin Jones, and then we have a Quentin Nelson, and ooh,

and then they stop at like a random card.

We're like, ooh, a Mari Cooper.

Okay, that one's a keeper.

It's like, what?

What are we talking about?

Who's deciding this?

I like the moment.

We have Henry Ruggs and just going through it. The only part I like is the moment where they realize what they have

before you see what they have. Yeah, like this is a blue prism.
That's a cool moment, but I don't get the whole like, you don't watch another man open up packs of his own baseball cards. Yeah.
Like what do you get out of that? I would actually like to, our good friend Tony Scheffler is actually a big card guy. We should probably get him back on to have him explain to us.
He actually has like, he does it way that i i can understand because it's got a mix of gambling in it where he has like he was saying like oh i have a bunch of tom brady rookie cards i i want him to win a super bowl here because then it's another like 5 000 yeah card what we should do our own of those highlight things the top shots we should make part of shots. Yes, and mine them.
I still don't understand what it is or how it works, but I just know that if they're doing it for Zion, we should do it too. Correct.
Maybe me not farting would be worth $100,000 one day. Or you farting $200,000.
Didn't fart. Did you see the other video? Is it still happening between you two uh did you see the other video still is it still is it still happening between you two did you see the other video apparently the exact same fart sound effect turned up on a different barstool video that got put out like a year ago so i mean i have not heard that at all you literally just made that up no i didn't make what other video this is still happening yeah i haven't like did you see the other video that the answer is how would that have not come across my desk.
You still have made that up. No, I didn't.
What other video? This is still happening. Yeah, I haven't.
Did you see the other video?

The answer is yes.

How would that have not come across my desk?

You still have tension.

Okay.

I didn't fart.

That was a resounding yes.

I thought you were talking about the other angles,

and when everyone was clearly like,

oh, it's definitely PFT.

His ass was closest to the microphone.

I wish I had farted.

I really do.

All right, well, maybe Wednesday you guys will have cleared this up. This doesn't matter than a little fart tension.
I'm going to fart on Hank. Do it.
I'll fart in his chair before the next podcast. Okay.
All right. You have a Monday reading for us.
I do. This is a great Monday reading.
Monday readings are back. This was on CNN Health.
The headline is, The new slang teens use to insult boys who are too nice to girls. If you're guessing that this is about simping and the simping epidemic that's going on across America, you are 100% correct.
Shannon was used to her socially awkward son being bullied by other boys at the private school he attends in Atlanta, but when she picked him up from school in mid-January and her 8th grader told her he was being called a simp, Shannon, who's only using her first name to protect her son's identity. Yeah, great piece of parenting.
You wrote an entire essay about your son being called a simp. Wait, didn't she just give us the location? Yeah.
Atlanta suburb. Shannon in Atlanta.
Atlanta suburb. Eighth grader.
With a socially awkward eighth grade son at a private school. No one's going to private school no one's gonna figure this out we probably have a shit load of 8th graders listening to this show right now we probably outed them if your mom's name is Shannon and you live in Atlanta be like mom you outed me as a simp he's telling me this hope this simp isn't an AWL that would be a bad look look for us.
It would. Disavowed.
He's telling me this, and I'm driving, and I'm trying to make sense of it, she said. I'd never heard the word.
He told me it basically just means that I'm being too nice to girls because I like them, she said. I was like, wait, my kid is being picked on for being nice to girls? No.
I could understand maybe why a parent would get confused by that, but yeah the end at the end of the day that's essentially what it is like i'll put it this way joseph in the bible was world-class simp yeah they don't name any buildings after joe that you don't have joseph doesn't get shit people forget about joseph he was basically there to to hold mary's hand at birth and What? He did get a book, yeah. He did? Is he the same as the Technicolor Dreamcoat guy? Yes, Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat.
So he did get a sick coat. He got a coat.
He got a fucking pin coat. Yeah, okay.
But yeah, like simping, it's not a new phenomenon is what I'm getting at. Her son had told her recently he's recently been put in the friend zone by one of the girls.
Oh, no. Wait.
If you're complaining to your mom that you're in the friend zone, that's like you're now actively simping your mom, too. Yeah.
Where's the dad here? Let's see. Let's see if we can get to it.
Here's a quick way if you're a parent, mom, if you shannon which i assume you are an awl as well when your son brings this up you should just simply ask well is she gonna fuck you and if he says no then yeah he's a simp not gonna fuck you dude yep that's that's how it works so you do all these things as a parent to raise your kid right to be nice to everyone especially kids without many friends sh said, and you never think that by making your kid the nice one, you could be making them a target for bullies. Well, yeah, if you make your kid super nice.
This is actually now bumming me out. He also definitely doesn't have brothers.
As a father, this is going to be my nightmare. Because you do, like, raising your kid to be a good person is hard enough and then they get bullied for being a simp this could also be a product of being raised by a mom whose first instinct when her son is being so showing simp like tendencies at school is to write a letter to cnnhealth.com about his son yes uh so what is this kid definitely simps his mom yes what is a simp well many parents might be unfamiliar with the word simp chances are your tween or teen has used or at least heard the term simp hashtags are rampant on tiktok instagram has over 350 000 posts tagged hashtag simp and there are facebook groups devoted to simps and simping it can be a verb too.
I need to get into one of these Facebook groups that's devoted to simping. Simping ain't easy, but it's necessary.
Urban Dictionary's top definition of a simp is someone who does way too much for a person they like. Other definitions include a man who puts the hose before the bros and a guy that is overly desperate for women, especially if she is a bad person.
Wait,

say that first definition again.

Who is before

bro? No, no, no. The first definition.
Someone

who does way too much for a person they like.

What's the opposite of that? I think

the opposite of Billy football that is just

boy is a fuck boy.

Or just like your fuck boy. You do

nothing for us and you don't really like us.

I sent for you guys sometimes. When was the last time you sent for me, Billy? I would actually, you're a fuckboy.
You do nothing for us, and you don't really like us. I simp for you guys sometimes.
When was the last time you simp for me, Billy? I would actually, you know what? Put that on your to-do list. Simp for me and PFT once a week.
Straight up. I want you to straight up simp us.
Okay. I used to simp so hard for you guys.
Practice it. I feel like you haven't simp for us in ages.
I've been busy. Okay, so make some time to simp for us.
We're growing apart. I want one.
Every Friday show, I want one actual, tangible evidence of you simping for us. I think you look...
No, Billy, don't. No, you can't do this.
You can't do it like that. Don't do it.
You know what you should do. It'd be natural.
That hat looks amazing on you, BFT. Thank you, Billy.
On our anniversary, on our podcast anniversary, on February 28th, 29th, you should simp us every year on our anniversary. Okay.
Yeah. Keep things spicy.
Simp is a slang person for a man who is desperate for attention and affection of someone else, typically a woman. Think the energy of a puppy dog eyes, but manifest it in romantic human form.
It's used in an insulting manner, though typically playful. There are definitely undertones of toxic masculinity.
Oh, yeah. Since it's related to showing too much emotion.
Florida mother Karen McClung first encountered the word in group chats. She closely monitors with her 11-year-old daughter and 12-year-old son.
I saw the word and quickly looked it up, said McClung, who lives in Tampa. I asked my kids what they thought it meant, and my son said, it's basically if you had $1,000 and you could do anything with it, you'd use it to get the attention of a girl.
Then everyone would make fun of you. That's pretty good.
That's a good answer. You've got a really smart kid here.
That kid, yeah, explained to us like we're a seventh grader. That's it.
And then McClung blocked the thread. While she said her son wasn't being called a simp in the thread, McClung said she's curious to see how it impacts my son because he's very chivalrous by nature.
Oh, this is Buster Bluth. Yes, the mother boy.
Yeah, the mother boy. Absolutely.
Girls in high school sometimes throw out the term to their high school girlfriends. Some kids I've talked to have said it's not a derogatory term.
It's sort of like teasing someone. Like, you've left us to go hang out with your friends.
You're simping us. I actually don't think it's that bad.
I simp so hard for Chipotle. Yeah, you do.
You simp harder for Chipotle.

I simp so hard for Chipotle.

Than you do for us.

The moral of the story is that never show anything that you like any sort of respect or admiration.

Teach this kid a little thing about irony.

Yeah.

Okay.

You guys simp sports.

We all simp sports.

Correct.

Fellas, is it gay to tell a girl you like her?

That's basically, that's what this whole article should be called. Jake Simps Federer fucking clown.
Suck this dick. You do Simp Federer.
Hard. So Simp is now just becoming fan.
Who do you Simp the most in the broadcasting world? Siciliano. Anyone who went to Syracuse.

Give us the number one simp. Bob Costas?

Kevin Harlan? I can't pick one.

Give us the number one simp. Can't pick one.

Come on, Shane. Everyone who's donated to our

nice student radio station and given us opportunities

throughout the years. Jesus Christ, you

simp. Okay, so now there's

kind of a spin zone to simping.

One way to think of a simp, said Sean Davis,

a marriage and family therapist in Sacramento, California, is simply someone who is ahead of their time. Though it hurts in the moment, in the big picture, a boy who is called a simp can wear it as a badge of honor.
Wait, read that guy's title again? A marriage and family therapist in Sacramento, California. That guy gets paid way too much money for doing nothing.
For basically being like, here's an acronym to remind you of this. Simply ahead of their time.
That guy is running an awesome scam. He's literally telling kids, like, if you get called a simp, that's actually really cool.
That's the coolest thing you can do. Simply fantastic.
Yeah, and he's going to get a lot of kids a lot more beat up with that advice. Today's boys are being raised in the middle of the biggest redefinition of male gender roles in recent history.
Should I be kind and sensitive or distant and aloof when trying to win a part of absolutely distant and aloof? Never tell anyone what you're really feeling. Never text back.
Heaven forbid you do cunnilingus. Go to your fucking deathbed without ever telling anyone what makes you happy.
That's how you live. That's how you get the most out of life.
That's how you live a fucking life. Yeah.
You want to make sure when you are gasping for your last breath before you say, I can't believe we didn't have March Madness in 2020. You are telling everyone's like, someone brings you something.

Like your wife of 70 years brings you a cookie, and you're like, I never even like these.

Send it back.

This guy is great.

So he's got a tactic that he uses to, I guess he does some conversion therapy.

Oh, this guy.

Like I said, biggest scam artist ever.

I can tell by the title.

It's called the humor tool. So he jokes okay yeah it's comic relief you practice not putting down the other person you put down the situation if someone is being called out for always simping the girls he could turn it around and say it's tough being the lone soldier simp nice guy who wants to join me you can turn it and make it into into comedy.
What? That wasn't funny. It's not funny.
All you have to say is simping ain't easy. Simping ain't easy.
Now give me that guy's fucking paycheck. That's it.
Seriously. That's it.
That is all you have to say. Shannon said that her son's therapist advised similar tactics, but the boy said he only comes up with the perfect retort three hours later.
Was he George? I mean, this kid is a simp. These parents simp their kids.
This is way too involved. Good point, Billy.
They simp them. Where do they learn it? Yeah, look at you.
Shannon cares way too much about her son's development. Uh-huh.
You actually hug him and say you love him. I bet she lets him feed from her breast.
Shannon's son definitely doesn't play football. No.

I mean, Billy.

We knew that.

Billy's prescription, if Billy was a doctor, it would just be like violence.

Meat and contact sports.

Go outside, feel some pain, and then eat the flesh of something to absorb its power.

I love that we have sarcasm.

We're being pretty, like pretty, you know, obviously this is a ridiculous article.

And, you know, dripping with sarcasm and Billy is like, actually this kid needs to just get his fucking teeth kicked in. One time, and he'll learn.
It's been really heartbreaking because I know a lot of these boys bullying him. He's been at the school since second grade.
This makes me sad. She just continues to give details about him.
This makes me sad. If their moms knew, they'd be horrified, but my son doesn't want me to tell them because it will just get worse.
As a father, this hurts me. Because I will fight.
I will fight. They're probably not even teasing him.
They're just trying to get him to stop simping because they know he'll get hurt. And they can't show him too much love to try to get him to stop simping because then they become the simps.
Okay, so here's the... Is that the end of the article? That's the end of the article.
Alright, so here's the solution, Shannon. Get him a prostitute.
What? I'm being serious. Get him drunk.
When everyone's like, hey, dude, you keep simping all these chicks, you'll be like, you know what else I've done? Fucked. Mm-hmm.
And then it's game over. That is the end of the argument.
Game over. Seriously, I'm...
Obviously don't because, you know, it's a minor and all that, blah, blah, blah, legalese. We're not trying to do Chris Delia or whatever the fuck.

That was a wild apology.

Get him a Wayfair cabinet.

Get him a Wayfair.

No.

No.

No.

I didn't pick up on that right away.

No, but yeah.

No, you know what you should actually do?

So don't do the prostitute.

That's illegal.

Wrong.

All those things.

Send him to summer camp somewhere far away so he can make up a story about how he fucked. That's a good idea.
That's it right there. I would also say get him either a guitar or some sort of painting kit.
Because any child that's going through emotional turmoil is probably going to end up being a good artist after it's all said and done. Or PS5.
Yeah, PS5. Make sure he gets the first PS5.
Get him a Warzone login. Tell him to get on the sticks with us.
We'll straighten him out real fast. God damn it.
That actually bummed me out, that article. Like, thinking about parenting through TikTok and all this shit, I'm fucked.
Yeah, what are you going to do about that? Are you going to block certain hashtags? I'm... I don't know.
I don't want to. If your son...
I'd probably be dead by kidney stones, whatever. I will tell you if your son starts to show early signs of sipping.
Sipping? Yeah. Damn it, man.
This is going to be tough. This is going to be tough.
As a father, this is going to be tough. I'm now scared.
What? I am. Dude, this is...
Reading that, it's going to be way worse in 15 years. Like, the world's not going to be better.
You think we're trending up? Uh-uh. Yeah, we are.
No, we are. No, no, no, no, no.
We're trending up now. I would be shocked if we were still around in 20 years.
Our society is trending into the toilet. So in 12 years when my son has to go through, like, middle school and high school, it is going to be a landmine.
In 20 years, that kid that bullied Cam Newton, that's going to be the nicest kid in America.

No, but I'm just thinking the kids who were born after the internet, who grew up with the internet, who were used to the internet, I don't think.

That's us.

Not me.

Not Big Cat, yeah.

Well, I even remember. No, you don't.
Yeah you don't. You remember life without the internet? Without iPhones.
That's different. That's a phone.
The kids growing up with that, they're going to adapt. When did you get your first phone? I got a Nokia in third or fourth grade.
I took the subway. I got my first phone when I was 18.
No, I had a Nokia. I just could make calls because I took the subway.
Did you have Snake on it? When did you have social media? When did you go to Facebook? 13. Right.
You had the internet. I understand what you're saying.
The internet is a lot more prevalent and pervasive, but I was born at the perfect time because I just didn't, like... You know little kids who just watch iPads and stuff? You just said you had a fucking phone in third grade.
Weren't you born in, like, September of 2001? No. No, like, literally.
I was born January 13th, 1999. Oh, okay.
No, but, like, I did stupid shit, like, to entertain myself when I was little. Yeah, we know.
You still do that. I know, but I wasn't one of these kids on their iPad.
But, Billy, what you're saying right now is you were born into the Internet. You're now changing it to be like I was not ever – iPhones came out and it became super portable.
But then 20 years from now, people are going to be like, oh, I wasn't even born into the internet because I didn't get my first brain implant chip until I was 11. No, I'm just saying that my generation still knows how to entertain themselves without technology.
That's not true. That is 100% true.
You scroll your phone all the time. Yeah, because I- That'd be like me saying that.
I'm on my phone all the time, too. No, but I can entertain myself without my phone.
Howing off lift it's like what yeah no i mean you do i like you know how to play card games you lift you know how to lift well that's entertaining how many but think about it think about it for a second in a given week when you are not don't do sleeping obviously don't do driving else. How many times are you using some type of electronics? Whether it be playing video games, on your phone.
Like, it's the majority of the time. Listening to music now? Yeah.
All the time. 90% of the day? It's not a bad thing, but it is.
What we're saying is our society is heading to the toilet. You know what I've been doing recently? I've been not using the GPS because I heard that your brain atrophies from GPSs because your navigational skills.
You need to come on macro dosing. I'm going to give you a nice compliment right here.
You give us some type of line that always just tells me, all right the show to be over like it's it you are

a genius exercise right the parts of your brain that was an attribute from your phone your hunter gather instincts are getting destroyed by your phone wait Hank 17 is on the thing it's not anything 18

13

36

Bully sticks are made out of beef pizzle

Which is really

Beef penis 18. 13.
36.

Fully sticks are made out of beef pizzle, which is really beef penis.

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Shout out to Waylon Patagon for this on Instagram.

Waylon, two N's, uh, Patagon for this Take On Me Remix. We'll be right back.
A cowboy head guy Probably not

But he's gonna still try

His 50

A cowboy head guy