Dungeons & Dragons, Drunk Tom Brady, And Russell Wilson Being A Weirdo

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, the return of Dungeons & Dragons, Tim Woods. It's great to have him back.
It is great to have our, what is it, epic? Is it an epic? It's a saga at this point. It's a saga.
I need a saga. What's my saga? We jump back into the world of Dragons.
Awesome, awesome way to break up post-football life. We also are going to do a little bit of Tom Brady being drunk and the Bucs boat parade.
Russell Wilson probably wanting to get out of Seattle. Every quarterback wants to trade at this point.
And then Fire Fest of the week. Nashville, get ready for one of the biggest parties of the summer in Music City.
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tickets now on BarstoolNashville.com. Okay, let's go.
There is violence and then a lot of stuff. Work to be done.

No people hang out or washing.

And then I can't leave all on the sun.

Oh, no.

We're going to rock down to Electric Avenue.

And then we're taking higher.

Oh, we're going to rock down to Electric Avenue.'s Part of My Take presented by Barstool Sports Welcome to Part of My Take presented by Verizon Verizon 5G Go check it out right now Today is Friday, February 12th And Tom Brady has gotten drunk on a boat Gasp Hell. Oh yeah.
Hell yeah. Is Tom Brady a bad role model for getting that hammered and playing around with his participation trophy? It was awesome to see.
I like seeing Tom Brady. This is like his second going off to college where he gets to kind of go away from home for a while, get away from the taskmaster up in New England, just kind of cut loose for a couple of years.
It was fun to see it. I love the knee brace.
I love Tom Brady, like an offensive lineman wearing a preemptive knee brace during a football game. He goes out and gets drunk and he puts a knee brace on before he does it.
That's thinking ahead. That's the difference between him and all the other quarterbacks.
Yes. And, you know, unless it's your rival that wins a championship, I think every fan can relate to just soaking up, like, the videos that come out, the drunk videos, the postgame celebrations, the celebrations on the field.
I watch it all. I love it all.
I think it's the little boy in you that's like, oh, imagine if I were on a Super Bowl winning team. Like, how sick would this be i there's something about all these videos that just it's it's why we watch sports it's why we enjoy sports so i i thought the the boat videos were hilarious the i i mean i think it's very funny though that like crunk and brady have had so many lombardi trophies that they just they manhandle that trophy because they're just so used to it.
It's so like, they, they toss that thing around. I saw Gronk swinging it around and I was thinking to myself, what happens if this, like, does it float? I don't think it floats.
So like, remember when Gronk put a big dent in it, when he, when he swung it as a bat, it's, it's so, they're so nor, the Lombardi trophy is so normalized for them that it just becomes a party accessory. Yeah, they've just got them laying around their house.
They're probably sick of them. They don't have anywhere to put them anymore.
You can't fit seven Lombardi trophies in a room besides your living room, probably, and then your wife is like, hey, can we move these somewhere else? It's a little bit gauche to have all your awards out here it's it's crazy they've won seven our breeze won seven trophies somebody pointed out on on twitter earlier today that um the odds of tom brady winning a super bowl are about the same as uh the odds of steph curry hitting a three-pointer jesus in any given season like like him taking one shot from three is about the same at the start of the year as Tom Brady uh winning the Super Bowl that's that's crazy to me the other take I had from the boat parties is um and and I've said this before most notably when we had Jared Goff in the van a couple years ago but whenever I see athletes like that are just in great shape wearing t-shirts I'm like man I wish I could look that good in a t-shirt it must be so cool to just be like i'm gonna throw on a t-shirt and look awesome they all look just so like tom brady looked awesome in just a regular t-shirt because they all have great bodies and that's i i'm i'm comfortable saying that i'm very jealous of every athlete who just walks around in a t-shirt and looks awesome yeah i mean hey him being on a boat wearing a t-shirt and looking the best of anybody on a boat when that's normally a shirt off occasion it's not fair he was not fair he's wearing an orange t-shirt like ray-bans i wouldn't be surprised if that t-shirt costs like 750 dollars yeah backwards hat yeah makes it look cool i wear a backwards hat my face looks fat like fuck this yeah i need my hair to give me volume are you getting jealous hank like watching bronc and brady have such a good time down there yeah i mean a little bit but you know i'm happy for him at the end of the day i do have one question for you though pft okay as someone who's made a career out of uh purposely spelling things wrong what do you mean uh do you think that tom brady's tweet was a drunk tweet or he did that on purpose to make it seem like a drunk tweet? Okay. So I I'm very woke about the drunk Tom Brady tweet thing because I think it was on purpose because it had like capital letters here.
Yep. He was having fun with the fact that people thought he was too hammered to walk after he got off the boat.
That guy, I don't know who it was that was escorting Tom Brady. He just – The backup QB.
Brady just always attracts, like, different Wes Welkers to be around him at all times. That guy looked like a – It was Ryan Griffin, yeah.
It looked like a 6'4 Wes Welker, and he was just, like, holding on to Tom Brady. I think they were doing it as a joke.
I think the guys were like, hey, let's pretend that, Tom, you're so hammered that you can't walk. I'm going to hold you and walk with you.
Tom Brady saw that clip go viral. Tom Brady has gotten so good at the internet in the last three years that, you know, this dude was out there with multiple burners before he ever officially grabbed the at Tom Brady handle.
I think he was fucking with everybody. I actually thought the minute I saw it, I was like come on dude we we we did the spongebob meme reply like two years ago i thought that's what he was trying to do with the with the weirdly capitalized letters the uh the best part about that clip though there's two things one is tom brady wearing a knee brace while partying i i will absolutely admit that i've worn an ankle brace while partying before, because sometimes you're like, you know what? I don't know what this day is, where this day is going to take me.
I just want to make sure I don't come out of it injured. And then the reporter who screamed out a question while Tom Brady was clearly blacked out drunk and was like, Hey, Tom, Hey, Tom, how awesome was that? I was like, that's exactly what I would ask.
Good job. Way to get the question the question in tom talk about the party today how are you feeling what are your thoughts one other note uh our man playoff lenny maybe the greatest follow on twitter right now he was drunk tweeting from the boat talking about jpp's uh hands and i went and i follow him on instagram now and his instagram stories were so funny just essentially every he was just a bunch of uh videos of jpp uh and leonard playoff lenny being like how are you holding your phone right now how is it how hasn't it dropped out of your hands yeah no it was awesome he was made he made like two jokes about his fingers within the first 20 minutes like playoff lenny has been waiting all season to be able to uncork these he had them stored up.
I bet you his draft folder is just full of hands jokes. And, I mean, he's an easy target because is he going to tweet back at you? It's going to take him, like, 60 seconds longer to fire something off.
He has to do, like, the hunt and peck method with his index finger. It's very funny to watch Lenny go off.
And it was also very clear watching the mic'd up Super Bowl video that, like, they all love playoff Lenny so, so much. He was the guy that they were all rooting for when he would get carries or get a big play.
It was very, very clear, like, just watching that and watching the mic'd up on the sidelines. Oh, one person that did feel very envious of Tom Brady was LeBron James.
Yes. LeBron was, like, he was so jealous that he didn't get to get that drunk after his playoff win.
And he was probably drunk when he was tweeting at Tom Brady. I did see that like during the Superbowl, LeBron was tweeting at Brady saying like, Hey, just goat talk respect as the greatest of all time.
So he's moved on from dad to dad. Now he's going goat to goat with, with Tom Brady.
But he. But he was so, so jealous that he couldn't be as hammered as Tom was after his big one.
So one day, LeBron, we'll schedule. Just take like a day midsummer.
You know what? Instead of attending the All-Star game, just get hammered and just walk around your neighborhood. Throw yourself your own parade.
Yeah, and it's actually very relatable for him to be that drunk like we had when we had talked to brooks on wednesday like we watched these guys play we watched these athletes perform but at the end of the day they still get they want to get just as drunk as us and have a good time so it was pretty cool to watch um the other news we had quarterback news russell wilson seemingly wants to be out of seattle so russell wilson. Let me start with this way.
Is there anyone who's more coordinated with their media onslaught than Russell Wilson? When he does his media, like you think his PR team thinks they're being sneaky. He did this a few years ago when I think he went on Fallon or something, basically negotiating for his new contract.
around he goes on dan patrick's show a couple days ago essentially says he's sick of getting sacked and then today comes out a gq piece which was i don't know if you read it but it was yeah banana land it was he and he and cr are trying to uh come across as the relatable married couple who are just trying to like, you know, have their relationship out there. And it was the quote that I when I read it, it said they they talk about CR and Russell Wilson.
They take the challenge of the perfection projected onto them by others and say, OK, sometimes they speak like the victorious teammates. They are giving postgame press conferences at the lectern of life.
We're just grateful that we get to spend time together every day. Wilson says every morning we wake up together.
It's a blessing and we get to smile from ear to ear and know that, you know what? Let's go, let's go do this. Talking about their marriage.
I, I'm going to take back everything I said about Russell Wilson. He's no longer corny.
This is just who he is. And I think he just doesn't have any sense of reality.
So it's not even worth being like, hey, man, come back to reality. He's gone.
He's long gone. This is just him.
So this was one of my favorite quotes from the article. It says, or this is Russ Wilson talking about just being in love, just love.
It's always a blast that we get to do love together, Wilson says. He's in his hyperbaric chamber laid back on a pillow, the white tent around him gently wheezing inside.
There's nothing relatable at all in this article. But I actually think that for celebrity couples to work, you actually both have to be weird as hell.
Yes helps because if it's just, if somebody's too normal in a celebrity relationship, like Sierra, if she was just like married to a normal dude, she couldn't be like, Hey honey, can you change the kids? I've got to go scotch tape my, my dress to my nipples while 3 million guys jack off to me at this award ceremony. Like it doesn't work.
to have two different parts of crazy in a celebrity relationship i think to actually make it make it work in the long run and they're definitely both crazy in their own ways they're both crazy and i just don't buy it i don't buy it like i'm sorry i i'm sure they have a great relationship it seems like they work on it great communication but you just can't you can't tell me that at the end of the night, like if Russell Wilson rips a fucking fart in bed and CR is trying to fall asleep and catches a whiff. She's not like, what the fuck dude? Like they fight, they fight just like, like when Russell Wilson wants to go play golf and, and, and like, there's three kids like screaming and crying at the, at the breakfast table.
You can't tell me that doesn't start a fight. That's what, that's what baffles me with pieces like this.
It's okay to say that, you know, marriage is hard and there are relatable moments in this where we do fight or we don't communicate instead of being like, yeah, every morning I get my hyperbolic chamber and she sits next to me and we're never, we're never in the, you know, you know, in a different room. And every time we're away from each other, we FaceTime date and all this shit, get out of here.
Just stop. You don't need to be perfect.
No one expects anyone to be perfect anymore when it comes to celebrity couples. I also did love, uh, the, the new introvert extrovert people who are like, Oh, I'm an introvert and extrovert.
You know, like sometimes I like to sit on my couch. Sometimes I like to go to a rave.
Is Ciara saying I'm such a homebody, Ciara says. But I also was very blessed to travel the world.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're a real homebody. I'm the kind of guy that can either like go to Burning Man for six days and trip balls on LSD or just sit on the couch and watch Netflix.
That's kind of me. I'm just kind of one of those weird guys like that.
But here's where it ties back to football. It's pretty clear reading between the lines, both Russell Wilson on the Dan Patrick show.
And then in this article, if you notice the part where CR is like, you know, I've had to really work hard to love Seattle. And like, what are the, what's those things? Like, I think the quote was, I've had a lot of Lake experiences.

Yeah. She was like, I've had a lot, I've had a lot of Lake experiences.

There's a lot of it's rainy here, but there's,

there's some sneaky natural beauty that comes out of place like this.

It was painful for her to say like, say three nice things about Seattle,

Sierra.

And I just think this is all calculated to either get more money or ready for this, become the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Interesting.
Interesting. And you know what happened just like two days ago? Dak Prescott said, I'm not happy because I wasn't featured in the team montage video that just put out.
That was like three days ago yeah and if we're doing like serendipity in terms of doing our boomers on sunday nights in the in next fall the rain city dax really works oh that does yes fuck yes all coming together maybe they figure out a way to get dac to seattle and Russ to Dallas. Yeah, Russell Wilson's war, the Texas congressman lobbing missiles, throwing bombs.
I'm just saying, it's going to be very interesting where all the chips fall here because you have, obviously, Deshaun Watson's out there. Yeah.
Carson Wentz, which it seems like the like news that came out last week was maybe a little, it was pushed a little bit hard by some people who weren't as in the know as they thought they were, because now that we've get the dust has settled a little, it looks like the Colts have offered a couple of second rounders, maybe, which seems like the fair price. Like if the bears want to offer a second and third rounder for Carson Wentz, I'm cool with that to take a shot.
I've always just been, if they offer them a first round or maybe even two first rounders, what the fuck are they doing? So you got Carson Wentz, you got Deshaun Watson. Now maybe Russell Wilson.
It's Jameis Winston, Mitch Trubisky. I'm going to throw out some more pro bowl names out there.
There's going to be a lot of quarterback movement. So with Russell Wilson, it was it was interesting how it worked out because the story was that Russell Wilson not happy with the Seattle team's front office.
And then the Seahawks leaked a story like two days later. They're not happy with Russell Wilson being not happy.
So now it's just a big like circular. We're not happy with each other moment.

I think Russell's probably trying to get more money or at least maybe pressure

them into drafting or, or, or signing some free agent offensive linemen,

as opposed to just building them out of the,

the fart from Tom cable and some duct tape and some wire and string and shit.

But I think that I think Wilson's going to stick around in Seattle.

It's going to be tough to pull Sierra away from the natural beauty of Seattle.

She loves it up there.

Thank you. some duct tape and some wire and string and shit.
But I think that I think Wilson's going to stick around in Seattle. It's going to be tough to pull Sierra away from the natural beauty of Seattle.
She loves it up there. She does.
So I heard that when the Eagles were saying like they were, the connection was going to Chicago, that the bears were going to pay like a first round pick and a second round pick for Wentz. I think it's just all the Eagles leaking that stuff out on their own because there's also reports being like the Eagles feel like they're not getting enough value in terms of their offers for Carson Wentz.

And it's just them trying to drive their own price up.

I think they might have leaked that Bears story just to get other people

to bid on it to drive up the price.

And Ryan Pace is dumb enough that he'd be like, wait,

I offered how much?

Maybe I should sweeten the pot here.

Yeah, let's get this done now. We'll do Three first round picks if we get it done now.
Yes. One other thing, though, reading that article in GQ, which was insane, and the picture spread is almost crazier than the article itself.
I think Russell Wilson is one of those guys who's so 100% percent sober that he just acts drunk. Like almost like a dude, perfect type guy who just like, they get so into like being like optimizing every second of their life that they overdo it.
Like you would not expect a sober person in the dude, perfect analogy to be like a bitch. I can knock that drone out of the sky.
If I like this tennis ball on fire and then hit it with a lightsaber like this is this is the product of idle hands and a sober mind is really the devil the devil's playground well it's the old Brian Cox never trust a man without a vice I think Russell Wilson's vice is being like as big of a goober as he possibly can be like his he gets he's addicted to saying cliches and being overly nice and having everyone think that you know it actually now that i'm i'm like playing it all out in my head we like jj watt like we went after the wrong guy rus Russell Wilson is, is JJ watt to,

to a millionth degree.

Like JJ after we met him.

And since we've gotten to know him,

like,

yeah,

he even admitted he,

he,

sometimes he will try to be Captain America,

but he's a normal dude.

He really is like,

he's a normal dude,

you know,

and he's just trying to do his best.

Russell Wilson truly does think he is Captain America.

Yeah.

Verbal meme.

That's the same. No, different.
No, same, but different. No, they are.
No, not at all. They're not at all.
JJ. Why? You can know the same.
No, no, no, JJ. Why is a normal person when you break it down? Like after we met him and when he like kind of cop to like, ah, you know, like I tried a little too hard sometimes like he,, JJ Watt is just very nice.
And he's, he's, he, that Russell Wilson is nice. And he thinks he's solving the world's problems.
And he also think he was like, I think he probably thinks he's a prophet. Yeah.
No, he doesn't. No, no, no.
I disagree. Hank, JJ Watt is Jim.
Let's know. We could have won more for you this year, Deshaun.
No, I agree with Big Cat 100%.

J.J. Watt.

That's just because J.J. Watt, like, he came around more.

Just because we got to know him.

Yeah.

Yes.

We know more about his first character.

I'm sure if you got to know Russell Wilson.

I guarantee you if we got to know Russell Wilson, it would be the exact same person.

Yep.

This is Russell Wilson.

He just did a GQ piece where he's supposed to be showing like the inside of their relationship and it could have been more cliche and bullshit yeah but that's also there's probably some sierra element of like that's why are you why are you standing russell wilson so hard yeah like the fact that i'm not named after two different oh you think he's gonna go to the patriots no i just it's the same picture. No, it's not.
No way. Hey, Hank, do you remember this? I don't think that J.J.
Watt would ever do something like this. Back on, it was a Woman Crush Wednesday.
Russell Wilson got on Twitter, wrote a poem for Ciara and said, I kissed her. She had honey sweet lips that were lilac soft with a loving and affectionate personality.
And then he tagged Ciara. He just Googled how to describe a beautiful woman.
Somebody typed in Google how to describe a beautiful woman. That's the line that came up.
He just like ripped it off of a search and JJ Watt would never do that. JJ Watt would write a like extremely long, embarrassing love letter to her mom and be like, thank you for raising such a beautiful woman right he would not copy and paste it's totally different hank i'm gonna send you a video after this because i i couldn't make fun of it in this moment and i still probably can't make fun of it because um it was russell wilson after a game i think it was after they clinched the nfc uh west he put a Kobe jersey and did a, like, 10-minute video in the end zone

of in Seattle being like, this one was for Kobe.

And, like, I was thinking about Kobe when I was throwing these touchdown passes

in, like, black and white.

Do you remember watching that?

That was insane, dude.

That was insane.

That video was insane. 10% luck, luck 20 scale yeah that no that's he was vibing out he was vibing out totally different the fact you can't see the difference actually make like you don't understand the human element you don't understand human beings and personalities what are you doing you don't hank hank is short-circuiting.
I don't get this, Hank. It's very clear the difference.
JG? They are both fucking crazy. That's it.
They're a little cheesy. I'll put it this way.
Russell Wilson would be a great stay-at-home dad. Russell Wilson is probably cooler.
Shut up, Shut up, Hank. Shut up.
Quarterbacks are cool. There's no way you can have a real conversation with Russell Wilson.
No. You can absolutely have a conversation with J.J.
Watt. Hank, we know, we've met celebrities before.
You know the celebrities that are like, even when you're just sitting there having a conversation, it's like they can't turn it off. J.J.
Watt could turn it off. I mean, I think Russell Wilson probably could too.
But I think they're equal. You guys are giving J.J.
Watt a little too much credit, I think. I am.
We're comparing him to Russell Wilson. It's actually pretty obvious that J.J.
Watt is half human. Russell Wilson is just like, I don't know if he's a robot or a computer program.
Whatever he is. He's not halfway as cool as J.J.
Watt. I like J.J.
Watt. I like J.J.
Watt. J.J.
is a good person, I think. J.J.
Watt. I don't dislike J.J.
Watt. That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying they're both fucking cornballs. J.J.'s Jimmy Carter and Russell Wilson's Pete Buttigieg.
That's the best way I can describe it. Those are sick political references that I don't understand.
All right. That was a good discussion, though.
I mean, just watch that video, though. The Cobes.
I threw it for Cobes. I was thinking I think he even said, like, when I went back in the huddle and I went back and threw that touchdown, I was thinking, Kobe.
J.J. Watt, at the end of the season when all the cameras were on went up to Deshaun Watson

and I wish we could have won more for you, man.

That was actually real.

There happened to be a camera behind him.

The camera, yes, the camera.

But Hank, the difference is JJ knows

when the cameras are there, of course,

but he didn't do a 10-minute video about it.

Like, man, I was...

10% luck, 20% skill.

He went after practice and worked out by himself.

That was hard knocks.

And he admitted that that was corny.

He admitted that was corny.

He was 24 years old.

Thank you. 10% luck, 20% skill.
He went after practice and worked out by himself. That was hard knocks.
And he admitted that that was corny.

He admitted that was corny.

He was like 24 years old.

You should rest the case there.

He admitted to us that that was corny,

and he cringes when he looks at that.

If you showed Russell Wilson his videos, post-game videos, where he's like doing a monologue,

he'd be like, yeah, that's fucking sweet.

Dude, he sends hype videos to his kids every day that's cool no shut off you're gonna do that too one day big cat just wait actually that does sound pretty cool is sending hype up videos yeah that's a dad move that's the other thing jj was on a dad yet wait till like you don't think he's gonna turn oh you think that's you think that's what it is the corn levels once he becomes a father oh my god all right let's get to uh let's get these onges and dragons oh one other thing football thing i now am fully changing my take on urban meyer i think he's going to be very successful in jacksonville because urban meyer hiring chris doyle and being like fuck you world it clearly is urban show that tells me right there this is urban show he gets to call the shots he hired a dude who was fired like six months ago for uh very racist things in iowa and that to me like says that urban is going to just because if there's ever a person who will just hire based on uh how they can get their team to like closer to winning and nothing else with character it's urban meyer and this hire right here tells me that he has carte blanche with who he wants to hire who he wants to bring in to just win football that's that's fine but you remember there was another famous college coach that tried doing this like my aware of the highway thing back when he went to to the NFL and didn't work out for him. Nick Saban, the players fucking hated Nick Saban in the NFL.
It's a little bit different. It's a little bit different when you've got, no, no.
I'm saying like, I understand your point of view, which is urban Meyer is saying I'm calling your shots. This is my program and there's nobody checking him.
So he's going to do everything that he possibly can to win. What I'm saying is that the person that he's bringing in, it might've been effective when talking to student athletes in college.
When you're talking to millionaires in the NFL, it might not fly the same way, but by all, by all accounts, he's a phenomenal strength and conditioning coach. And what it tells me is less like, I don't think Urban's going to tell everyone it's my way or the highway.
What that hire said to me was Urban Meyer is back in terms of he will hire whoever he has to hire to win football games. And they could be terrible people, but it doesn't matter because all he cares about is winning football.
So, I mean, I hear that, can also see like a first-time nfl coach that's a big shot used to not having anybody check them ever and being you know the warlord of whatever college town they're in at any given time coming to the nfl and realizing pretty quickly wow i can't tell everybody how to do everything all the time so we flip takes yeah take swapped yeah take swapped okay we're freaky friday take swaps we ended up on other sides of the table all right guess what guess what this is beautiful because now we can both be right no matter what happens both right both wrong no matter no no we'll ignore the wrong parts yeah yeah uh all right let's get to dungeon dragons with tim woods before we do that everyone wants to keep their home and family safe whether whether it's from a break-in, a fire, flooding, or a medical emergency.

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It's a pleasure to be here. Yeah, I wish we were all together, but we can't be right now.
But let's do it. People have been clamoring for it.
And we said as soon as football ends, we're going to get back into Dungeons & Dragons. So can we get a refresher of where we are in general in terms of our journey and who's alive? And basically a quick background for everyone in case they forget, which we all forget.
Absolutely. Of course, it's been a long time since our last game.
So to get us caught up on where we kind of left off in our story in the real world, of course, we were finishing up the Super Bowl. But in the world of Dungeons and Dragons, we had just been learning about the upcoming Dragon Bowl, the competition between groups of dragons where they sometimes compete in the skies in order to decide who will be the greatest team of 11 dragons to compete in the Dragon Bowl.
And we had discovered that in addition to two dragons that we're now hanging out with, kind of near the town of Elturel, we had set up camp and discovered that there were two dragons whose attention we had gotten. A evil green dragon whose name is Naya Laptea.
Naya, we can call her for short. She kind of was chasing us.
And then with the help of our wizards and our weapons, we we had managed to take her down she surrendered and then let us know that she could help us in the raising of the dragon eggs that we had acquired from the dragon hatchery at the end of one of our recent adventures we have a total of eight dragon eggs that we had acquired and niolaptia the green dragon was going to help us but she's an evil dragon luckily there had been a human woman who had shown up who turned out to be a silver dragon named Elia in disguise so now these two dragons have been kind of taking care of the eggs for us and kind of as the months have gone by I would let us know that the first exciting detail is that all eight of our eggs have hatched now.

So there have been these young dragons who have been growing up around us, very Game of Thrones style. And I would just want to let us know a little bit about these newborn dragons who are going to be our upcoming team, as it were.
We've got a red, blue and a green dragon. We've also got two black and two white dragons who have hatched and one multi-colored dragon a prismatic rainbow dragon has hatched and in theory the prismatic and the blue dragon were the only two male dragons the rest were all female except for one of the white dragons turned out to be born as non-binary so they are in theory all hatched now and they are fighting amongst themselves and kind of like clawing and playing with each other and they are very very hard to manage but all these new board dragons are very excited for the upcoming dragon bowl i don't know if we wanted to take any time naming any of these dragons or talking about how we are going about raising these dragons as proud new fathers of a dragon brood yeah a lot of work to do to take care of these dragons but so i'm thinking maybe the uh the three different colored dragons they can be mellow liangelo and uh and who's the third well we've got a red blue and a lonzo lonzo lonzo yeah forget about lonzo the best one so lonzo liangelo and mellow maybe for those three.
Absolutely. Sozo.
Lonzo. Yeah, forget about Lonzo.
The best one. So Lonzo, LiAngelo, and Mello maybe for those three.
Absolutely. So Mello, LiAngelo, and Lonzo will be the green, blue, and red dragons respectively.
That sounds fantastic. Excellent.
And they are some of the strongest of the dragons that have hatched actually. The red dragon is in theory the fire- breathing dragon, who is the strongest among our hatchlings with the exception of the prismatic dragon.
We don't really know anything about prismatic dragons and this guy's pretty strong. It looks like.
I'm going to do for the two black and two white. I'm going to do a callback for people who have been listening to part of my take for all five years.
So I want the two black dragons to be skip one and skip two and the two white dragons to be steven a one and steven a two those are our formerly deceased frogs that we have how about steven a and steven b oh steven a and steven b there we go yeah all right absolutely got steven a and steven b for the white dragons and skip one and skip two for the

black dragons love that absolutely perfect and then for multi-color we should just well i guess we got to figure out what we're going to do to it i was going to say let's name it jose canseco and kill it right now i mean it seems like it's pretty jacked up it seems big right like The Steroid Dragon?

The Rock?

Dwayne?

Dwayne?

Powered by magic.

What about Dwayne dwayne's a great name it's powered by magic we could go with with blaine oh or irvin yeah that's true let's go irvin magic yeah all right irvin will. I love it.
Ervin the prismatic dragon. Love that.
So we've got names for all of our dragons. You can see that Nihilaptia and Elia are raising their eyebrows, but just shrugging their shoulders as we give these names out.
The dragons seem to love them and they are definitely like flying all around us, landing on our shoulders. They are affectionately treating us like their parents for better or worse.
And it does seem like this is a good team to get ready for the Dragon Ball. But Nyalaptia and Elia, who have kind of become the den mothers here, they are letting us know that if we're going to get this team ready for the Dragon Ball, there's going to be a couple of steps we're going to need to go through.
And the first thing they want to let us know is that there is one entity in particular who approves teams for submission into the Dragon Ball. It is a powerful undead wizard known as a lich who lives at the top of a mountain.
All teams who make it into the Dragon Ball are approved by him. And if you're even going to meet with this lich lich you have to offer a gift and the green dragon explains that she hands us a ruby a massive ruby she says that this ruby is what you're going to offer the lich but it's empty right now what needs to be contained in this ruby if you were going to make this lich happy and get our team entrance into the dragon bowl is you are going to need to store inside of this gemstone the soul of your most powerful nemesis and enemy and then they look at blake the griffin and coach o who are still sir o who are still hanging out with us right now and blake the griffin burps and a little piece of a helmet comes out of his mouth and he says ah i think i already took care of their greatest enemy and the dragons explain that's no problem because if the soul of berserker billy is missing they know how to go and get it they have found out through magic that his soul is currently bound in one of the nine heralds known as Avernus, where apparently, according to their magic, all they know for sure is that right now Berserker Billy is locked in combat with some sort of a fiend in a never-ending battle that goes on for eternity.
and that fiend is simply known by the title of the chemist that's all that everybody knows

that their their their name as okay interesting so billy is locked in a eternal battle with the chemist i was going to say sobriety but that's fine because the chemist as well uh works um i think we just i think we just let billy fight it out just for eternity that's what he would have wanted now pft do you think though billy's not here because he told us two minutes before everyone who who says we're mean to billy billy told us two minutes before we're supposed to tape that he can't make it um so i'll just ask you pft instead yeah what do you think what do you think billy's mindset would be going against the chemist so like legitimately going into the chemist like i was i thought he was gonna be bigger than billy but uh it turns out that billy actually had reach on him so he's like a little bit longer arms um but legitimately you have to get yourself in the mindset of like i'm gonna kill him i'm gonna kill him like i was i would be ready to kill him if i was billy and legitimately like he hit me and uh. And legitimately, like, I swung back at him.
And I beat the fuck out. Like you say, he took it.
But, like, legit, I was ready to murder the guy. Perfect.
Thank you. I feel like Billy went into your body to give us that answer.
I started to feel the spirit and had to testify. I was like, like, in a Pentecost pentecostal church yeah yes for a moment you were possessed by the undead spirit of billy for sure in fact they did a little spell he channeled through your mouth and you're hearing a little bit of this fight happening somewhere in the nine hells uh you are definitely aware he is locked in combat with the chemist and the chemist seems like he's putting up a decent fight right now, at least.

Okay.

Okay, great.

So what do we do now?

Now, the dragons explain they can open a portal for us right now if we are ready.

And if we pass through this portal, we will end up in the Nine Hells, in Avernus specifically, the top layer of the Nine Hells.

And we'll be face-to-face with the Tower of the chemists. So if we want to do anything beforehand, we can get ready.
But otherwise, they can open up the portal for us right now, and we can jump through and be on our way to the Tower of the Chemists. Let's fucking do it, right? Let's go full send on their ass.
Yeah. Elia kind of crosses her arms like she doesn't like this devilish magic.
However, I point out that, Hank, your warlock, Ehrlich, this kind of magic is your bread and butter. And as they open up this infernal portal, your little imp friend, Lola, who is on your shoulder right now, whiskers in your ear.
It's going to be weird for me to go home. I never thought I'd be talking to any of these people anymore.
So I think I'm going to stay hidden for a while. It would be awkward if I ran into former co-workers and stuff.
And so Lola's getting ready to kind of hide and play a little down key, as it were, while she's amongst her kind, as it were. But otherwise, this portal opens, and you're going to know a lot about the Nine Hells.
But as but as we jump through the portal boom suddenly the first thing we're noticing is the temperature changing it is boiling hot in this realm as we see rivers of lava flowing around us dead ahead there's this jagged tower rising up into the air with an open doorway in front of it but it looks like once you go through the open doorway it just drops down into a pit of lava as far as you can tell and in the distance you're seeing things like a giant statue that seems to have five dragon heads rising up in the distance on one side and a huge skull half buried kind of doom style in the sands in the distance this is not a nice place to be if we If we spend too long here, it's going to start hurting us, we think, this realm. But we've got a job to do.
The gem is glowing, and it seems to be pointing us up ahead. They warned us that we're going to need to store the soul of our enemy or an equally powerful soul.
So we're here to get Berserker Billy or some other soul that might be as powerful as him.

But up ahead, you are seeing this tower. And it looks like as we get closer, there's just a drop

off into lava. And then these chains that are going up into the air towards the higher levels

of the tower. Unfortunately, there's not one chain to climb to get up to the higher levels of the

tower. You're going to have to jump from chain to chain and climb them, it looks like.
And if you

Thank you. Unfortunately, there's not one chain to climb to get up to the higher levels of the tower.
You're going to have to jump from chain to chain and climb them, it looks like. And if you fail, there is a pit of lava waiting hundreds of feet below.
And these creepy tendrils keep emerging from out of the lava. So I would ask, what are people doing now at this point? We've got some magic spells at at our disposal i would want to remind the wizard and the warlock erlich and kate that in theory you've got some magic that could be helpful here such as the spell feather fall if somebody falls you can cast feather fall real quick to kind of like catch them and slow down their fall but we don't have any magic that makes us fly or anything like that so what strategies would people be using here what about the dragons can we fly on the dragons absolutely so it does seem like these young dragons while they are not fully grown are just big enough that two of them could work together to carry one of us no problem they would be strong enough to do that so does anyone want to declare that they're taking two of the dragons to help them fly around i was just thinking that if we didn't want to use the dragons like which one of our characters would be it sounds like an american ninja warrior event like a course where you just hang upside down and crawl across it all right do any of us have like superior grip strength yes i would point out that norm the barbarian has amazing athletics as a skill and if he is raging then he gets to roll his athletics checks two times and take the higher numbers so he's even better at that i'll leave it up to you big cat do you want the dragons or you want to just well no i why don't i try to get up on my own just being an athlete skills uh just like be the inner athlete that i am i'll try to on my own.
And if, and then you guys can go dragon and magic on the way up. Absolutely.
Okay. All right.
So am I rolling now? 100%. You're going to roll the D 20.
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Okay. So for everyone at home, we have a Dungeons and Dragons dice roller.
It's on wizards.com. So we're going to click it.
It's, it's a game of integrity. So we're going to click it and go with whatever we get.
So I'm going to do it twice. So here we go.
D20, first one. 12.
12. That's a good one.
Second one. Yep.
Second one. 18.
Let's go. 18.
And to that 18, you get to add a plus six. So you got a 24 total.
You are climbing up these chains, no problem. Swing from chain to chain, Tarzan style.
And in fact, you climb so high up these chains, you realize you're actually starting to grab onto not chains, but as you get higher up in the tower, you're grabbing these tubes. They seem to be almost like medical tubes with some sort of substances flowing through them, it seems.
And they are like this milky mixture of potions that seem to be flowing through. And you're like grabbing these tubes and hoisting yourself up until you are reaching almost up to a trap door.
Now, this trap door has spikes and stuff poking out of it. Are you going to climb through the trap door or are you going to wait for the others to show up first what do you guys think by the way maybe those tubes are regeneron i could use some right now it could be regeneron it could be bleach yeah something real good for you what do you guys think just go just bust through the door you've all right i'm like a champ yeah i mean i then everyone will join me yeah okay you'reusting through the door and then it's no check to just bust through the door,

but I am going to need a dexterity saving throw to make sure you don't get hit by any of the spikes that you could be kind of crashing into a little bit as you force your way through the door.

So you're going to roll another set of D20s. And because of your barbarian danger sense,

you get to roll this two times and take the higher number again. right here we go first roll seven second roll 13 okay with the 13 and you have a plus two on your dexterity saving throw so that's a 15 total just barely you get scraped a little bit by one of the spikes but it doesn't hurt you at all and you are able to climb your way through bashing past all these spikes and forcing the door open uh as you climb up into this level you can see up on a stage in the center of this chamber two figures fighting one of them seems familiar one of them is someone you have never seen before but you are noticing that all of the tubes you were just climbing up that went through the floor seem to insert into his body at the elbows and at the shoulders and at the neck bang for batman style he's got a mask on and it seems like there are these tubes that are just attached to the mask and since you you asked about like this mixture, I'd also let you normal roll one time to see if you know what this mixture would be that's flowing through the tubes.
This is not your strength. So it's just in our kind of check, you have a plus zero on this.
So roll and see what you get on the dot. So I'm rolling here.
18. Okay.
With an 18, what you know for sure is that the mixture is flowing through the tubes is a strength enhancement potion whoever were to either drink or get injected with this potion would have their strength enhanced by it you think it's regeneron i was right recovery water correct yes yes and that's your turn then you have climbed up to the level no problem but as you climb up to here you see these two figures fighting ahead and then below you you are also hearing a flapping cawing sound as though there are these bird creatures that have seen you climb up and now that you have climbed past them, they're flying out to kind of look around for more people who might be climbing up or to come after you, Norm, and you don't see what they are. You just hear flapping and this strange cawing sound.
But who would like to try to climb up next or take a dragon? I feel like we got to take a dragon up there and I'd like to take Lonzo because like... Two, you need two.
You need two. I need two.
One for each arm basically. Because I was just thinking like it sounds like there's some pelicans that are after you.
If you want to just absolutely destroy the pelicans send Lonzo over there. He'll take care of all that shit real quick.
So we can get Lonzo and should I take lamello yeah yes leave leave liangelo behind yeah he needs time to develop i'll take those two absolutely so you're taking the green and the red dragon they are definitely strong enough that they can carry you and you can tell the green dragon isn't having a great time she is a a poison dragon and the red dragon is having a great time. She's a fire dragon and so she is not bothered at all by the temperature here.
And so they are flying up past all the chains with you. I would like you to roll one time for your two dragons just to see if they are carrying you up effectively and they get a plus four on this okay you can actually roll two times because you got two dragons carrying you so first roll roll to 12 second roll 18 18 yeah let's go let's go with a plus four that's a 22 you also are before the flapping gets too loud at all you think you see shapes emerging like gargoyles from the corners and like the alcoves of this hall of chains, as it were, and tubes.
As you fly past the chains and the tubes full of strength potion, you are able to get up to the same level as Norm now. and you see the two combatants, Berserker Billy in his barbarian helmet,

Goliath-sized, just slamming away,

trying to fight the fiend known as the chemist and it seems like right now berserker billy is winning it seems okay you said that we could get we could get like the spirit of either billy back or somebody that's just as strong or maybe stronger maybe stronger is there like a is there like a jake paul type character that's maybe a little bit bigger than billy that's fighting down there as well uh it does seem like above the two of them there is one giant fiend head who is looking down at both of them like it is judging this fight to see how it goes and just based on the shoulders that are emanating from this fiend head, it looks like that guy is the strongest of all of these combatants. Frank the Tank.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Hank, you up? And Hank, which dragons would you take or do you want to use, like, magic to get up somehow? Are the Stevens still available? Steven A and Steven B? Absolutely. Both of the Stevens are available.
Your imp Lola can't help carry you, but she can fly on her own. And both of the Stevens are available.
They are not our strongest dragons, but together they can absolutely carry you. What I would like to see is two D20 rolls with a plus two added to each of them.
Roll one is a seven absolutely roll two is a five shit oh i'm sorry to say that if you got a seven that's a plus two that's going to get you to nine but if you're flying up and the uh white dragons the stevens that you have gotten a hold of they are ice dragons so as they fly into this lava filled chamber they are sweating profusely they're starting to get weaker and because you rolled a nine you can tell they are slowly losing altitude not gaining altitude i am sorry to say and when that happens you are noticing these gargoyle shapes four of them coming swooping out and I'm going to roll to see how many of them are looking at you. Two of them are looking at you right now.
And they look like little gargoyle creatures with spikes all over their bodies like porcupines. As they look at each other, two of them wink at each other and then look down at you with a dirty look.
And Lola whispers in your ear, those real assholes and as she says that they fire off of their tails nasty spines that hurl in your direction I am so sorry Ehrlich but you just got hit two times by these spines the first spine is hitting you Norman isan is not happy five points of damage as one kind of like spears past your arm five points of damage is going to take you down to 26 out of 31 hp i'm sorry to say that was the attack that hit you the next attack is a critical hit it goes right right into your neck. This is fine.

That's going to hit you for

seven points of damage.

Right now, you're down to

19 out of 31 HP.

Not quite halfway down, but close.

Can I just say something real quick?

Uh-oh, Big Cat, you're cutting out.

No, you can't say anything.

The gods of the internet have spoken it was not meant to be it's not meant to be well uh certainly erlich uh has been hit pretty badly now erlich you have some options those dragons just tried to carry you a little bit sorry big cat you're back now oh yeah yeah it was i think it's because i was moving in with the background frank the tank is just taking up so much bandwidth um all i wanted to say was hank like no offense dude but you low-key suck at this game yeah i mean i'm throwing right now this is bad uh i i got no excuse i should have other than other than steven a's fault it's steven a and c and b's fault you can blame it on the Stephens you were just rolling for them they apparently were sweating too much right now to carry you I would have liked to know that they were Ice Dragons before I rode them into the volcano but you know to be fair I wouldn't have said that would give them a penalty but since you rolled a 9 it worked perfectly as it were so unfortunately as they're getting close to the lava they're getting ready the bad news is really that if it comes to them touching lava or dropping you they'll probably drop you before they ever so much as lay a tail inside that lava but you get one more chance you still have your action you could either launch a spell to try to fight these fiendish creatures that are attacking you or you could urge them onward and if you roll well on your check to urge them on you might give them another roll to carry you up the rest of the way can i use my demon lola uh who's familiar with this space at all to help me out this sticky situation absolutely in fact lola gets her own turn so you can say what you're doing but also lola can either encourage these dragons to work better or you they she could send

her In fact, Lola gets her own turn, so you can say what you're doing, but also Lola can either encourage these dragons to work better, or you could send her after these two enemy fiends. All right, let's cast a spell.
Let's not go on the offensive. Let's play a little defensive, try and get my HP back up.
Absolutely. Love it.
I'll warn you, unfortunately, I don't think you have any healing magic available. Shit.
Don't we have a healer on the squad or no? We did have a healer on the squad. The healer was Berserker Billy.
He had healing magic. Not to be fair that he ever used much of it.
He was a war priest, not a healing type priest. But at the same time, that was...
And, sorry, I should say our bard also has a little bit of healing magic available to him but as a warlock you command dark magic not really healing magic great for the offense but not so much for the healing uh so should i roll a d20 absolutely you could roll a d20 to encourage the dragons to to to fly a little bit better if that's what you want to do all right i'll do that absolutely uh you so you're using your action your charisma check for this if you're trying to persuade the dragons that would be a plus three but i want to let you know if you are a little stern with the dragons and kind of like really like kind of um um you know bad cop a little bit like tough coach type situation you

could get a plus five to intimidate them into flying better i'll do that you're being a little harsh with them but still probably the better strategy considering you had a plus five on that stern affair all right i'm rolling fucking seven dude is there an option tim where he can just K-Y-S? So I'll say this.

You always can, certainly.

Just like let go and drop yourself down.

Yeah, no.

For the team.

You remember the opening of that mountain climbing movie

where it's like one life or two where they're hanging by a thread

and one guy just kills himself so the others can survive?

We're kind of in that situation.

You're talking about Sly Stallone and Cliffhanger?

I'm talking about Vertical Limit.

Oh. Great movie.
Good one. Good one.
Everyone in that situation. You're talking about Sly Stallone and Cliffhanger? I'm talking about Vertical Limit.

Great movie.

Good one.

Everyone knows that one.

We're the same age, PFT.

I don't remember that one.

Hank, just take one from the team.

No, survive, Hank.

Keep fighting.

I'm going down fighting.

I don't care.

You did get to add a plus five to that seven. As long as it wasn't a two that became a seven it would go from being a seven to a 12 and with a 12 i'd let you get one more roll you encouraged one of the two stevens to fly a little bit better you can roll one more time with a plus two and if you can get a 15 or better then you fly up to where the others are but otherwise you are you are continuing to sink, as it were.
Or if you get a 10 or higher, you're at least not sinking. No, he didn't.
He got a bad score. I got a 14.
No, you didn't. You liar.
I did, so I needed a 15 or better, though, right? Team Master Tim. Is that a 14, including the plus two the dragon gets? That's a 14.
I'll send a picture to you, you frauds. But is that before you added the plus two for what the dragon gets? Yes, it's a 14.
Does that mean it's a 16 total then with the plus two? So with a 16 total, that is enough. You are able to fly up to where the others are.
Yay! These dragons are dropping you off on the top layer of the tower we see a giant horned fiend looking down at berserker billy and the chemist battling each other well done this is like the scene in uh almost famous when the plane doesn't crash like oh yeah we're happy you're back hank touchdown very proud of you yeah good job we always we always wanted you to keep fighting and that means we got uh two of us i believe on this layer so far and we need to get wayne and cake up to the top layer of the tower as well luckily you've got the spell that if somebody does fall you can catch them with feather fall but i'm wondering who wants to go next i i feel like i should go next since jake is the last one like he can he can always save us from below that seems like the right move here right correct absolutely okay yeah so i'll head up there and are you taking any particular dragons with you uh i don't like i don't like how the uhAngelo, I don't like how they responded. I might take Magic.
Can I take Magic up there? Irvin, Irvin, yeah. Excuse me.
Absolutely. If you take Irvin, to your surprise, Irvin, the prismatic dragon, can carry you by himself.
He is so strong. Even though he's not the biggest of the dragons, he grabs you by the shoulder, picks you up, and you are carried by just Irvin.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
But Irvin's just going to get one roll in that case, and if he's carrying you up, you can roll a d20 plus 5 for Irvin to carry you up. Okay, here we go.
I'm rolling right now. I got a 10, so plus 5 plus five would be 15 okay 15 is just barely enough you see the kind of gargoyle fiends as they're swooping around but you are just barely able to get up to the same level as norm and erlic now and erwin's obviously working pretty hard but does seem to be immune to fire damage as he is carrying you up to the top layer of the tower and dropping you off there.
Good stuff. And just so you know, that was your move.
But to get up there, you can also use an action if you want. You still have your action available and you can use your bonus action to inspire somebody coach style.
Okay. I think I'd like to inspire Berserker billy like i want to play can i play let's go by little john absolutely you start playing let's go and you see berserker billy just start like swinging to the tune of the song basically like he's getting into it and the chemist is getting very frustrated it seems as he gets inspired well done and if you want to cast any spells you certainly could with your action just a reminder wayne you have spells like disguise self to make you look like a different person uh thunder wave blasts people back unseen servant creates a little invisible friend who can move things around for you and uh feel it's important to mention vicious mockery you insult someone so bad that they get a little psychic damage i mean i think i think i'm gonna have to go with vicious mockery i'd like to absolutely i'd like to mock the chemist uh considerably i'd like to mock him very hard absolutely are you saying anything in particular to the chemist to mock him uh yeah i'll be like hey tell me the story about how you didn't sleep with madonna again that that really true one that we all remember yeah tell us that story about how you're a genetic freak even though you spent the last 40 years doing steroids yeah i'd like to say all that absolutely he failed his saving throw quite fittingly against that insult you get to roll the d4 that's going to be the die kind of at the top the dice roller.
And let me know how much damage you get on that. D4, I got a two.
With two points of damage, the mighty chemist almost completely falls over, but he doesn't know. He seems like he's going to go down in a single hit.
But instead, he is getting a little insulted, takes the two points of points of damage and then roars but you can tell his attacks now he's taking disadvantage on them because you got in his head and he's messed up right now uh tim quick question the chemist do you think that do his punches have power i mean they do seem to have some power but but not as much as you thought. Not as much as you would have expected.
You've heard a lot of stories about the chemist, and, like, he almost just went down at two points of damage, and, like, you're thinking that Berserker Billy is actually doing really well in this fight. I mean, you can roll an insight check on the chemist to see if you think he's intentionally not doing as well as he could, but it's hard to tell right now.
Can we roll an insight check on Berserker Billy to see if Billy is actually ready to kill this guy? Like what kind of mentality he's in in the ring? 100%. I will let you do one insight check.
This will really be maybe for the dragon who carried you up. He still has his action you can go ahead and roll okay yeah and let me actually just see what your insight check would be wayne just to make sure it wouldn't be better than the dragons if so i'll get no the dragons is better so you roll with a plus three and the dragon will be letting you know if he thinks berserker billy is uh giving it his all okay so i i'm rolling uh is20? There's a D20 plus three.
Okay. D20 is an 18 plus three is a 21.
So I can, I just predict what I think magic, the dragon would say 100%. What does he say? It will be very exciting to see what happens when berserker Billy steps into the ring with a chemist.
The chemist is a former MLB all-star and berserker Billy so powerful is the encouragement of his friends. The moment he saw all of you, he's like, oh, I really got to impress these guys now.
And he is absolutely swinging absolutely swinging way harder okay cool definitely i love it and he gave inspiration to berserker billy certainly so you know everything the uh that erwin is saying is absolutely urban saying is absolutely true uh because he's using your inspiration now to get himself a little bit stronger love it and then that and that gets all of us up to the level except for cake cake in theory i think you were up next to fly up to the top layer actually yeah let's do it i gotta join the squad absolutely now cake i do want to let you know that you do have the feather fall spell in case you fall you've got the best way to kind of save yourself as it were um and uh you can do that as a reaction if you want. But how would you be trying to initially get up there? You don't have the fly spell yet.
You're close to getting it, but not quite there. But what would you like to do in theory? What other options do I have? Absolutely.
You could take the dragons if you want. And in theory, I would also say that there is a second level spell called Levitate that you might have.

But Levitate doesn't just carry you up and down.

It kind of makes you like zero gravity a little bit.

If you have Levitation cast on you, then it's kind of like being in the space station.

You can only bounce off walls.

So Levitation is sometimes a little dangerous.

It's kind of like if you're stuck in the middle of nowhere without anything to touch,

you're just kind of floating

outer space style.

All right, we'll try taking the dragons.

Absolutely.

A little bit safer maybe to take the dragons.

And do you want to take any dragons in particular

up with you?

Who are the options left?

So far, it looks like the red and the green

and both white dragons have already been taken on a ride. So we've got the two black dragons, Skip 1 and Skip 2, and we've got the blue dragon, LeAngelo.
What do you guys think? Should we bring the Ball Brothers back together or leave them hanging? I say leave them hanging. I think they're bosses, I'll be honest.
Yeah. We're ready to move on from these these dragons ASAP.
Alright, so we're going back to Skip. Skip 1.
Absolutely. So you're taking Skip 1 and I presume Skip 2 as well? Yeah.
Absolutely. The two black dragons, Skip 1 and Skip 2, are acid dragons and are actually not having the worst time in the pits of Avernus.
There's a lot of acid rain and stuff here that they're ignoring they're not feeling great about it absolutely they're tripping balls around in circles like look at that oh that's pretty cool that looks crazy right now and you as they are carrying you get to roll 2d 20s with a plus three added to each of them these are not the strongest dragons but they're a bit stronger than the white dragons, a little bit weaker than the green and the red dragons. All right.
And the charismatic dragons. First roll, 13.
Okay. So far, so good.
Because you have a plus three on that. That's a 16.
So it's going to get you there. Let's see if you do any better on the second roll.
14. 14.
All right. With a 14 plus three, that's going to be 17 that is enough to carry you

up the rest of the way so we are all gathered now landed on the top floor of the tower of the chemist

and we can tell that those gargoyle fiends who are below us right now are now flying around

calling at each other and they're getting ready to fly up through the trap door and come after us

Thank you. who are below us right now are now flying around, calling at each other, and they're getting ready to fly up through the trap door and come after us.
So as they're getting ready to fly into the room, we can hear them on the way, but they're not getting to attack us just yet. And that's their move right now.
Meanwhile, Berserker Billy is going to get to attack the chemist on his turn. So I would ask, did anyone here want to be responsible for rolling for berserker ability? Or would you like me to roll? I'll do it.
I'll roll. I'll roll.
A one. No, actually I did just roll.
It was a three. I swear to God, it was a three.
He has a plus five on his attack with his warhammer, but eight is not going to do the trick he's damn the attack glances off the kind of shoulder plate that the chemist is wearing uh and then berserk ability winds up and with his divine strike ability he does get to attack one more time so if you want to do another attack for him he could he doesn't have to be four i swear to god with the nine once again the chemist just knocks this attack back unless with that nine you could invoke the inspiration no no wayne had given no he's just not listening to his friends encouraging him on right now and unfortunately bers, Berserker Billy just missed with both of those attacks. So that would bring us to the chemist's turn next.
And when the chemist goes, the first thing he does is let out a roar. He is feeling really bad after the insults that were thrown at him by Wayne the Bard.
He obviously does not take that criticism very well and he grabs a lever on the floor and with one roar yanks the lever and from the walls we see the tubes that are emerging from the walls behind him suddenly start to fill with a mixture it races through the tubes and then as it enters his body bane style he starts growing bigger and bigger and bigger and as his muscles grow before our very eyes he is soon towering over berserker billy and he is going to swing two attacks at berserker billy both of which miss and so he's swinging berserker billy is knocking those attacks aside but neither one of these enemies has injured each other just yet but tim isn't isn't the chemist like really big and so like when he punches billy you think that that would like legitimately hurt him absolutely if it were to connect with berserker billy it probably throw berserker billy back it looks like one of those attacks got very close to hitting berserker billy but he just barely knocked that the attack out of the way okay depending on what we do next we might be able to influence this fight a little bit seems like they are truly locked in eternal combat neither of them really hitting each other just yet but uh up next norm or we're not worried too much about turn order today but norm if you want to go next you are the first to get up here okay here we go um rolling five yikes absolutely norm would you be rushing up to attack either the chemist or berserker Billy, or would you be trying to stop the flying fiends who are trying to get into the room with us? Shoot. What should I do guys? So the only thing I'm thinking is we might just try to make the chemist and berserker friends because they have so much in common.
Yeah. Can you do like the other things, the things that are coming up and bothering us okay so i'll fight those yeah because the more that they kind of stay in the same location as each other fighting each other i think there's a good chance that berserker and the chemist become like real close okay so let me fight the the other things that are coming up at us and leave them to just like bro out with each other 100 love it uh that's perfect because there is one of these winged gargoyle fiends coming flying up through the trap door right in time for you to swing your great sword so far you said you had rolled a five but let me ask a question would you want to make that a reckless attack if it's yes then you get to roll two times but if the fiend attacks you they're also going to get to roll two times to make the higher number all right i'll roll again i'll roll again roll one more time 18 great roll fuck yes it's gonna be a hit against the fiend and if you want to go ahead and roll two d6s and add plus five to the result that's going to be your total damage for this okay here comes roll one for the d6 one not good roll two two also not good so not good so three damage and yeah you don't have any things to pump that up but three plus the five damage you get for raging that's eight damage against the fiend unfortunately as your sword cuts through this fiend you think you are only for some reason dealing four points of damage instead of eight as though this fiend is resistant to your weapons it seems but still four points of damage injures this thing a little bit and then you still get to swing again with your bonus action if you want you are a a frenzying barbarian, and so you can do two attacks per turn.

Okay.

All right, so am I rolling the d20?

You're rolling another pair of d20s because you are still reckless right now.

15 is the first one.

Mm-hmm.

Five is the second.

Okay, so we'll use the 15.

You're getting a plus six on this attack roll,

and that is absolutely a hit again against the fiend. So go ahead roll your damage again now 2d6 plus five okay all right three okay one again god damn it so four plus five is going to be nine damage half down to four again means that so far the fiend has gotten eight damage on them.
The fiend looks like they are more than halfway down, but not quite down just yet. As they fly into the room, they look down at you, Norm, and they get a teeny little pitchfork ready, like they are planning on stabbing you with it as they caught you and threaten you with their spiky tail as well unless somebody attacks this fiend they are going to be attacking at the end of our turns but so far that's that's norm's turn and they're going to target norm it looks like norm has gone reckless he's easier to hit now yeah so who would like to go next in theory the second person to fly in i think had been erlich yeah well help me i'll go next uh hank are you sure you're able to get off the ground i i do you know i wouldn't want to help big cat but he said some pretty mean things about no no no no no no one turn ago what are my other options big cat it's my turn please norm sorry what other besides playing defense what other options do i have absolutely you could try to fight these fiends who are swarming up from the trap door you could also get involved in the fight happening between the chemist and berserker billy i mentioned this because both you and the bard have high charisma for influencing people's thoughts and stuff so if you're trying to make someone like feel worse in this fight or the two of them to become buddy buddy or something like that you have a plus five on intimidate for like threatening people and you have a plus three on deception for tricking people or things like that i guess i'll be the bigger warlock and uh and help help help defend dan i don't like hank i don't like how you're holding that over heads, though.
You're making it seem like you're a hero just for going along with the team. I am.
Well, yeah, you guys tried to kill me. You guys told me to give up last time.
We didn't try to kill you. We just suggest that you kill yourself.
Right. But I'm not.
Yeah, that's not. I didn't.
I didn't. I wasn't rooting for you to die, Hank.
I said at some point, you're just so bad that you should just get KYS. Yet I'm still alive.
We were just rooting for you to die, Hank. I said, at some point, you're just so bad that you should just K-Y-S.
Yet I'm still alive. We were just rooting for you to finally get it, so we didn't have to come out and actually tell you.
Alright, I'm gonna D-up. Should I roll a D-20? Absolutely.
What you can do is, you know that against these fiends who are resistant to weapons, your Eldritch Blast attack will deal full damage to them. So if you want to, you can do Eldritch Blast.
And if you really want, you could use your bonus action to put a hex on one of these fiends. In theory, there's only one in the room so far.
But if you hit a hexed fiend, then in theory, you deal a little extra damage. Do you want to use up a hex right now? Yep, let's throw the kitchen sink at him.
Absolutely. Then you roll a d20 plus six to see if you hit this fiend.
in theory you deal a little extra damage do you want to raise up a hex right now yep let's throw the kitchen sink at him absolutely then you roll a d20 plus six to see if you hit oh fuck yeah it's a 20 oh with a natural 20 that's a 26 total you hit this fiend right in the face and as it's getting hit by your eldritch blast your patron who is a devil themselves in fact maybe you even hear a booming laughter from the top of the tower as though it's that giant face who is giving you this extra power you see it grow bigger and bigger and it is going to be probably exploding this fiend from within let's see your damage and your normal damage will be 1d10 now it's going to be 2d10 because you critical hit and for hexing it will be 1d6 but that becomes 2d6 because it's a critical hit so 2d10 plus 2d6 i just want to say i never stop believing in hank look at the dance what are you doing hank is that a gamer chair uh yeah Do you have a chair designed for gamers?

Well, I mean, there's not like podcasting chairs, PFT. What else would I get? It's just called the floor.
Yeah, it's called your mom's couch. Yeah, I'm good.
I'm good with that. All right.
So where are we at? Good job, Hank. Thank you.
Thank you. My name is Norm, though.
I'm an Ehrlich. No, I'm Norm.
Thanks, Ehrlich. I'm the one with the raging boner.

Yeah.

And Ehrlich, if you want to roll your damage,

your damage is going to be 2d10

for the Eldritch Blast,

and then for the hex that you cast on this fiend,

you get an extra 2d6

added on to that.

So roll the d10?

You're going to roll the d10 two times,

add it together, and then the d10 two times added together and then

the d6 two times added together and that's your total damage all right d10 one is a six d10 two is an eight eight 14 so far and then the d6 you said and then the d6 two times because you critical hit. D6 one is a four.

D6 two is a two.

18 became 20. So with 20 damage, that fiend explodes and sends spines, porcupine spines, hitting the rocks and the walls all around us.

Well done, Ehrlich.

You have finished off that fiend.

And I'll just ask at that point if you want Lola to do anything.ola says i don't want anything to do with those fiends but i might mess with those two over there but she follows your orders you can tell her to do whatever you want can i have her like go up to the to the dead bodies and like teabag them just you know insult the injury all right she has a scorpion tail so she's invisible but you know that what she's doing is dipping the scorpion stinger into the mouth of this oh yeah oh yeah as and that is uh eternally amusing to her because the spined devils are a little bit stronger and tougher than her so this is a fun opportunity she loves it love it absolutely and that would bring us then to way's turn next. Wayne, what would you like to do against these? Either involved in the fight that's happening between Berserker Billy and the chemist or with these three remaining fiends who are about to come swarming up to us? It's a good question.
So part of me feels like we should cut our losses now that Hank's still on top. Like Hank just had the turn of his life and he's like a running back that like, you know, he has a great season.
You don't want to pay him a lot of money because he'll probably never reach that peak again. Can we, can I encourage Hank to go on a vacation or like to just go leave for a while? Certainly could.
Generally because you're rolling a persuasion check on another player, I kind of leave it to the other player to say, like, I will be convinced with a 15 or higher, or I will be convinced with a 20 or higher. I can't control what Hank does.
So you might want to ask Hank how likely he is to be. Okay, actually, no, here's what I'd like to do i'd like to um encourage erlich to go uh

produce the the show that uh berserker billy and the chemist are coming up with together in the

ring i feel like they should go to like go move to florida uh someplace sunny i'll do i'll take

the kMS option.

If that's the case, I would like to jump headfirst into the lava.

All right, all right, all right.

Here's what I'll actually do.

I'd like to try to kill the remaining things flying around.

You said that magic had immunity to something? It seems like they are not resistant to magic damage.

It's weapons that they seem to be immune to.

Now, you can also roll an arcana check to determine what you think could hurt them the most maybe and you have a plus three on arcana okay otherwise we think magic works okay on them all right so my my dragon ervin uh he's a magic dragon so i think that he will i'm just going to go with him let's let's roll with his magic i want to let you know that right now you say, Irwin, go get him. You have magic.
And he goes, I'm not fighting anybody. Go ahead and roll a persuasion check on Irvin to make sure that you get to use his attacks instead of your own.
And so go ahead and roll. Your persuasion is, you got a plus five on this.
You're very persuasive. Okay.
D20, right? And you hatched him. So roll two times and take a higher number on a D20.
First one's 17. Pretty good.
That's going to do the trick, but let's see if you get a critical hit. Second one was six.
Six. Okay.
So we'll take the 17 plus five. That's a 22.
Urban goes, I'm not going to. All right.
Fine. Okay.
And you see him fly over to, you said the rest of these fiends you wanted him to attack. Is that right? Yeah.
He's able to catch all of them in a cone breath weapon that when he opens his mouth, rainbows of light begin shooting out and it seems like the red light hits one of the fiends and covers it in fire. Some of the purple light hits one of the fiends, and that seems to create like a sort of sparkling effect around them that melts them.
It's like it's causing all their veins to like rither up. There's a blue light that's hitting that's causing ice damage.
It's all kinds of damage, but I'm going to roll saving throws for each of these fiends. One of them got hit really bad.
The other ones are doing okay on their saving throws, but go ahead and roll 6d6 worth of damage against these enemies. And you can even kind of like on the virtual dice roller move it so that it adds up

all the six D6s for you.

You can use the drop-down menu.

Or just roll the D6s and add them up.

Okay, that might be too challenging for me.

I'm going to roll six.

First one, three. Second one, one.

Four.

So we're at eight.

Two.

That's ten, and we're two-thirds of the way there. Four.
Four. Fourteen.
Another four. Another four.
So 18 damage. Finishes off one of the fiends.
He just falls from the sky. That would be the one who took ice damage, probably.
And then, no, that would be the one who took lightning damage from the yellow beam, because they are not immune to lightning. And then the other two seem like they are taking nine points of damage from that, and that is almost bringing them down, but not quite.
They did okay on their saving throws against that breath weapon. But well done.
Urban takes out one of the fiends, and there are two reps who are badly injured now at this point and that used up your move for sure you still have your bonus action and you could cast a spell if you really wanted to up to you hmm i'd like to uh can i can i inspire cake on his next turn yes you could absolutely cake is now going to be inspired journalist, right? Great move. Great move.
I'd like to buy him a Diet Coke and let him know that Bruce Springsteen actually wasn't over the legal limit for his DUI. It was a cop that put his foot on the scale a little bit and gave him an extra 0.6 points.
Absolutely. You're handed the Pepsi and you feel inspired, Cake.
Absolutely. And you'll get to add some extra bonuses to your attacks or saving throws when you need them.
And that will bring us then to your turn, Cake. Now, Cake, you also got landed up here.
We're all in the same room now. You can do something in relation to this fight that's happening, or you can do something about the last two fiends who are trying to come in and attack us i think we should finish the job yeah because this could be the last turn for this session so let's let's choose wisely here jake yeah yeah i'm gonna finish the job and try to knock out those fiends absolutely you got a couple of spells that could finish off these fiends your magic missile, you could launch magic missiles and send two at one of the fiends and two at the others.
Or you could hit them both at the same time with a thunder wave blast. You clap your hands and a sonic boom sends them flying backward.
Do you have a preference between those two? Yeah, let's do the sonic boom. Absolutely.
Sonic Boom is probably an element that they are not resistant to.

And I will roll their saving throws.

They both failed their saving throws this time.

And Cake, you get to roll 2d8 damage unless you want to charge this up to second level.

And then it would be 3d8 damage instead.

Let's charge.

Let's triple charge.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Go ahead and roll 3d8s. Those are the ones that look kind of like two pyramids stacked up on each other.
Yep. Seven.
Ooh, great start. One.
One. Five.
Five. Absolutely.
That is enough that both of the fiends, as they try to fly up through the entrance to start doing their attacks right after your turn the two of them get thrown backward crash into spikes on the walls and then fall down into the lava below and are not seen again we took care of all of the fiends yes to attack us well done and then in that case berserker billy would be up next would we like to attack for berserker billy yeah sure i'll do it real quick uh i'm doing it honestly i'm doing it honestly six six is uh with another plus five gonna bring him up to 11 that's not quite gonna be a hit unless he uses his inspiration which he could okay all right no

fuck that um do i roll again for him you can roll again for his second attack 16 16 is going to be with a plus five a hit with a 21 well done for berserker billy he didn't get to roll 1d8 plus two damage against

the chemist.

Alright, he's rolling a d8. It's four.

Alright. Billy, he didn't get to roll one D8 plus two damage against the chemist.
All right. He's rolling a D8.
It's four. All right.
With four points of damage, the chemist gets hit in the shoulder by this little hammer blade. Uh-oh.
And immediately falls over on the ground. Oh, no.
He's lying on the ground. His muscles seem to be shrinking down as these tubes got knocked off of his body.
Not by Billy, but just by him falling over, kind of. And he's like, no, no! And Berserker Billy seems ecstatic.
He keeps jumping up and down. There's a light in his eyes, a childlike glow that you have never seen before.
And he fully does believe that he is so excited to have defeated i will ask are we doing anything to either influence his enthusiasm or to the chemist or anything like that no billy's got enough enthusiasm we're just we're just kind of ignoring him for a little bit right now and hoping he's having a fun time. And then I think we just send the chemist back to his car wash.
Absolutely. It does seem like the chemist should have a lot more hit points, but he's just lying there and seems to be dragging himself away from the arena.
And berserker Billy turns to us and it seems like he feels so powerful now after that fight. He's ready to charge each of us.
However, we do know that he is not Berserker Billy in his body. We are looking at Berserker Billy, the soul who is descended to Avernus.
And right now, if we were to point that ruby at him, we could try to trap him in the ruby Ghostbusters style is that what we'd like to do let's you know what let's leave a cliffhanger let's decide when we come back next time we'll have billy in attendance and we'll i i don't want to kill billy for the 10th time without him being here 100 it might be that to trap him like a pokemon we need to actually like fight him a little bit so maybe next time when we have berserker billy we'll end with him turning to charge us and i would assume it would be erlik probably who would be the best one to be holding the ruby to try to trap him this would be a warlock magic in particular and he's going to be the best equipped to traperserker Billy, but we're going to need to fight him first.

Excellent.

Well, Tim, it was great to see you.

We missed you.

Yeah.

Let's not wait so long.

Yeah.

You're the best in the biz, Tim.

We really appreciate it.

And we'll, yeah, we'll see you soon.

We'll do another one within the next month.

I appreciate getting to come back.

This is fun.

Absolutely.

Looking forward to seeing y'all again.

All right.

Thanks, Tim.

Thanks, Tim. Take care.
Have a great evening. Bye.
All right. See ya.
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All right. Let's wrap up.
Fire fest of the week. I think we got some big ones.
PFT, would you like to start? Yeah, sure. Well, first of all, it's Lunar New Year today.
We didn't say that at the top, but I just realized. So you're the ox.
You're the ox this year. Yeah, my fire fest is that Darren Revelle doesn't look like he's going to fight me anymore.
And I wanted to make it happen. I told Barstool, I said, I will do it for $0.

And I removed all stipulations.

Anytime, anywhere, I will fight Darren Revelle.

Anytime, anywhere.

Turns out that Darren, I don't even know if he talked to anybody.

Dave said he didn't talk to Darren.

Maybe he called and spoke with somebody else.

But Darren is saying that the fight's off.

I don't know about all that.

You just tell me wherever to show up, I will show up and fight Darren Revelle. He just loves being talked about.
He's addicted to being discussed and he loves the attention. And so me personally, I know that we've banned him from the show.
I'm going to ban his name from the show. There we go.
Listen, I feel like I know this guy so well at this point because he's been playing the same tricks over and over. He's the loophole king.
He's the talk about king. If people followed the line, I'm going to have PFTs back here because I know that there's got to be, he hasn't told me, but there's got to be some frustration with how this played out.
Ravel essentially just came from the clouds and said, I want $2 million to fight PFT. Ravel said that.
We didn say that he didn't say that Ravel said that now, of course he wants $2 million because what he really wants is for barstool to talk about him and keep him relevant for six months. And guess what? Whether you think that that's fair or not, you know, I understand the argument.
I want to see this fight. I get it.
Unfortunately, they are a competitor. We're in the gambling world gambling world he's in the gambling world we're not going to give someone else in the gambling world six months of free you know run and especially not a guy who is going to take advantage of it and be really annoying every step of the way and then on top of it all the all that give him two million dollars so it makes sense in my eyes and remember he was the one who came out of the clouds and started this whole thing, not PFT.
I want to fight this fight. I want to make that very clear.
I want to fight Darren Revelle. Darren, if you want to find a different place to do it anytime, any place I will show up, I will fight Darren Revelle.
I need maybe like an hour notice just to get my shit together. Get my fighting shoes on.
But no, no, but no, no, no, no. Here's a, but here's a, but when he tweets us tomorrow, we have to ignore him because the biggest mistake we made was even engaging him on Tuesday night when he started this whole thing, because the minute you engage him, the minute you give him, you know, credibility here.
And then he just talks about it and talks about it and talks about it. And he loves the fact that we're talking about him right now.
And it makes me sick to my stomach, but we're here and then he just talks about it and talks about and talks about it and he loves the fact that we're talking about him right now and it makes me sick to my stomach but we're here and we were forced into this so i'm i have had the policy of just ignoring him for a very long time and it's worked great i will not be replying to him the only thing i will say is anytime anywhere if he wants to fight me i will show up and i will kick his ass and i will do it with a smile on my face this is is actually a fight that I really wanted to have happen. I even told Dave, I was like, whatever you can do to make it happen, please make it happen because I want to fight him.
So it looks like it's not going to happen, but you're right. Darren is like, he's like a homeless neighborhood cat that shows up on your porch, starts meowing really loudly in the middle of the night.
You open up a can of tuna one time for him and you put it on the porch. Next thing you know, he's spraying your windows down with his butt cheeks.
And then your neighbors are walking by being like, why won't you let that cat inside? It's really unhappy and seems to really love you. Well, guess what? Not mentioning Darren Revelle's name ever again.
We've got Jake. Jake March has made Darren Revelle obsolete.
The only thing that Jake can't do that Darren Revelle does is catch these hands. And Darren, time and place.
Anytime, any place, I will show up and hit you. I will punch you.
He's going to keep, like, baiting you. I'm done.
No, I'm done. Are you, though? Are you? The only further communication.
You've got to be really done. Like, he's going to bait you on Twitter, and people are going to be, like, trying to get you to the phone.
You're not going to be able to handle it. Only further communication I will make with Darren Revell is catch these hands.
Anytime you want. Anytime.
Let's go through a simulation. Yep.
Okay. Let's role play.
Two months from now, we don't say anything. Getting no clout.
He's feeding some clout and he says, Hey, PFT, I heard you're too much of a coward to fight me. I tried to and your guys are the reason we didn't.
What happens? Okay, so what I do is I reply to him, at Darren Revelle, anytime, anyplace, but then at the last second before hitting send, I delete the at Darren Revelle, and I just tweet to nobody in particular, anytime, anyplace. Okay.
All right, good. I also was going to say, maybe you just need to kick the shit out of Jake to get this out of your system.
No. I was going to say,

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Darren.

You guys hired me.

That's not true, Jake.

It's a coincidence.

What if I just took Jake hostage

and I was like, Darren,

for every week that goes by

that you do not fight me,

I'm going to break another one of Jake's bones.

You know what we need

is we need Jake to give you the Robin Williams

it's not your fault speech while you break down and you you're just like, right. It's not, it's not.
Listen, I'm fine. I'm just done replying to him.
It's I hope you're right. I hope that's true.
It looks like I didn't want to play because I want nothing more in my life. What he does.
He's the king of loopholes. He's the king of tricks.
He's the king of semantics.

You just got to ignore.

When I said I wanted to wipe his account off of Twitter,

I was doing that to try to raise the stakes a little bit.

And the second that he made it clear that he would not accept that,

I'm like, fine, let's just do it your way.

I will give all that up.

You can get paid whatever you work out with, Dave.

You name the time and the place.

I'll show up and beat you up anytime, anywhere. Can't do it.
He's the king of loopholes. Just forget about him.
Jake, your Fyre Fest. Are you going to get beat up by PFT now? Maybe.
I'll take it, though. You can use it as a punching bag.
Very cool, Jake. So, we're obviously working from home this week.
I've had this box in my apartment unopened since october it was just it's just a chair like a lounge chair extra seat if i ever have guests and i kept putting it off for four months because i didn't want to put it together i finally opened it today and it was all put together i literally just needed to open the box for four months no no construction was needed no way how big was that's like a fire fest though like that's fire it's like a reverse fire fest yeah i think this is like this is fire yeah that's amazing holy shit i have the chair folded and no construction was needed that's awesome yeah um all right my fire fest is i have covid yeah it's pretty straightforward it pretty much sucks oh it's sucks. It's low-key not a great time.
I don't want to be the 7 millionth media person to be like, hey, guys, I got COVID. It's no joke.
Take it seriously. But it is no joke, and you shouldn't take it seriously.
A peak athlete like myself, I've had trouble breathing all week. It has not been fun.
I've literally just done this show, and after we hang up, I'm like gas beyond belief. So it's no joke.
Have you heard that, that people who smoke cigarettes actually have a better time with COVID than people that don't? Yeah, I don't, I don't know if that's true. I just know that, uh, it sucks and I really wish I didn't have it and it sucks not seeing my family and it sucks being sick and being out of breath.
And, uh, yeah, joke so there it is i know i sound preachy but guess what i'll fucking say it this thing is no joke they also said that uh it can lead to erectile dysfunction down the line i don't want you to think about that but i already have low t so i'm there's nothing to talk about no t can be taken out of my body more t uh hank, what's your fire fest? My fire fest is there's a petition. People are calling for my resignation as commissioner of stool streams because we can't get the check.
There is? I texted Hank the other day. It makes me very mad.
People are busting my balls on Twitter, which is relatively fair like i don't it's funny and it's like you know it is what it is that we can't do the championship until we get covid clear but jake is like actually upset for me yeah the nfl got it got a season in what's your problem yeah that's right yeah they got it in but they had to make some schedule adjustments right yeah but they got the super bowl in Bowl was scheduled. Okay, because they didn't have any COVID issues.
Yeah, I mean, no, they just, they buried them. Like, you should have killed me before I had a chance to get COVID.
Yeah, so these people need to back off, Hank. He has no control over who gets COVID, so relax.
Hey, you want me to add them to the list? You want me to add them to the list of people that I'll shame if I die? I'll die in their face. Those people.
Listen, if you sign that fucking change.org, you better hope I wake up tomorrow morning. Because if I don't, it's on your fucking head.
There it is. I've been throwing around my death at people's face all week.
It's been great. Change.org.
First result when I type in Lockwood, get Mr. Lockwood fired.

This is a middle school principal. Petition to the students of Paul Revere Charter Middle School to get Mr.
Lockwood fired.

Also, it's interesting because the people who are complaining Jenga's not happening are probably the same people who are commenting nobody watches this.

Right. Of course.

Of course.

So, I mean, the reality of the situation is that Hank is probably the best person at barstool to get something like this pulled off with his organizational skills like it's funny to think about but hank actually is joking hank is one of the more i'm trying to give you a compliment i'm saying like i mean what do they want they want to like young page views will surely be able to get this tournament done in a timely fashion.

By the way, the one thing that I've had to like reckon with this week is that maybe I shouldn't joke all the time because I've had multiple people. Florio being the biggest case of Florio texted me and he was like, do you really have COVID or is it a bit? And I just want to be like, I have warped this person mike florio's brain so much that when he sees that i have covid he probably thinks i'm trying to get his fantasy football team out of him yeah like that's that's a bad place to be like so i i'm gonna have to reassess some things after that no just do you man i think i think you're fine oh man it's a good it's i mean it's a good way to just tell people to not be mean to you about – I mean, I did that tweet on Wednesday night.
I was like, I'm going to sleep because I have to fight COVID in my sleep. So if Wisconsin loses to Nebraska, like, don't be mean about it.
You're going to make me die. I also don't have COVID, and it's a pre-Firefest for when I do get it.
Yeah, you're low-key heated about it. Right.
telling you, bro, you don't want it. I'm not going to say I want it.
It sounds like you're saying it. You definitely sound like you want it.
I'm nervous. Face all the way things are going, I feel like I'm going to go back to the office next week and I'm going to get it and then we're going to have to push stool streams offank this is something this is something that you say now but i would sacrifice my health no no no no no take that back no you say you say that now but post mostly you would look back on this and be like it was not worth it yeah they're actually being hank if you die if you get covid and die i'm gonna like make it my personal personal life's mission to have the Jenga championship never take place.

Like, you can't play it.

We're making Jake so uncomfortable with this conversation.

At least name the trophy after me.

Jake doesn't like the death jokes.

Oh, I'm fine.

Jake, you better hope I don't fucking die tonight, dude.

Just name the trophy after me, please.

Yeah. Jake, what time are you going to text me tonight, dude.
Just name the trophy after me, please. Yeah.

Jake, what time are you going to text me in the morning

to make sure I woke up?

9.30 a.m.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

Should we do numbers?

Do you have the numbers?

No.

I'm sorry that the only way I can deal with serious issues

is to just make more jokes on top.

Going 18.

Whoa.

13. All right.
Double 18. All it.
Going 18. Whoa.
13.

All right, double 18.

All right, I changed my name.

73.

I want to see what Jake's back.

99.

8, 8, 8.

Am I pulling it up?

Yeah.

Oh, I can do it.

I can do it.

I think Jake's the most trustworthy. I wouldn't.
I mean. Honor system, like with Tim.
I would actually believe. If I lie about this, then I deserve to die tonight.
All right, here we go. Everyone got their numbers? 99, 18.
What was it? 13. Liam? 73.
Yeah. 3.
16. 16.
16. September 22nd, November 17th.
Three, Pete. All right.
I guess everyone have a great weekend, and we'll see you on Monday. Have a great Lunar New Year.
Yeah, Lunar New Year. Watch out for the Winter Storm.
Is this one named? I don't know. Winter Storm football team.
Yeah. Sorry that Billy wasn't here and he couldn't tell you about his fight, guys.
Turkey's believing God. Let me guess.
I went into war mode. War time.
I got in the ring. War time.
You guys don't know. I was literally in literally like in wartime went into a mental state and like when jose like punched me he didn't have a lot of power and i just knew like i was low-key i was just as tall as so like legitimately when you get into a boxing room or somebody you legitimately like i thought that the only way out was i had to kill him.
That's why I brought that guy with a gun.

That's the mindset that you have.

You guys don't know because you weren't there,

but you have to flip a switch and you have to be like,

I'm going to kill this guy.

I'm actually going to kill him.

I was prepared to kill him in the boxing ring.

All right.

See you everyone Monday.

Love you guys talking away I don't know what Thought to say, I'll say it anyway Today's another day to find you Shying away I'll be coming for your love again okay? Shying away. We're talking away.
I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway.
Today is another day to find you. We're shying away.
I be coming for your love, okay Shying away, I'll be coming for your love, okay Take on me, take me on I'll be gone in a day or two So needless to say I'll stand so I'ma be stumbling away Slowly learning that life is okay Say it after me it's no better to be safe than sorry say it after me it's no better to be safe than sorry take on me take me I'll be Take me home

I'll be gone in a day or two

Oh, things that you say

Is it like for just to play my worries away?

You're all the things I've got to remember

I'm sorry. Is it like for just to play my worries away You're all the things I've got to remember You're shying away I'll be coming for your love anyway You're shying away I'll be coming for your love anyway Take on me.
Take me on.

I'll be gone in a day.

It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.