Kirk Cousins & Bonus Football Everywhere

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, Kirk Cousins. Yes, Kirk Cousins is on the show.
It was essentially a 30-minute roast. PFD and I had a lot of questions.

Speaker 1 We actually said it during the interview, but I think Kirk Cousins is the guest that we had the most

Speaker 1 questions that were totally weird,

Speaker 1 probably have never been asked of him, of any guest we could ever have. He handled it.
Well, you'll see. You'll see it.

Speaker 1 He handled it admirably, and it pisses me off. No, I'm going to still make fun of him.

Speaker 1 Well, of course, I'm going to make fun of him, but it pisses me off that I don't have the same level of hatred that I once. He's a nice guy.
He's a nice guy.

Speaker 1 We have Monday night football cleanup.

Speaker 1 We have Wednesday night football coming up. We have Guys on Chicks, Hot Tea, Cool Throne, Embrace Debate.
We have it all. I'm not going back to college to be your friend.

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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 let's go.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all on the sun.

Speaker 1 Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we gotta rise down to Elena. Trick Ive and my take.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
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$10 to the ASPCA.

Speaker 1 Today is Wednesday, December 2nd, and the Philadelphia Eagles fucking suck. They're dead.
They're dead. It was a bird alert last night.

Speaker 1 The Seahawks crushed them, but the Eagles did cover in the last second. And which stunk for some of you out there.
Oh, that was brutal.

Speaker 1 DK dropped another touchdown catch, and we're beginning to think he might have a problem that maybe his muscles are too big, and they push the shoulder pads out. The ball hits the shoulder pads.

Speaker 1 He can't make body catches. Billy was saying that he's muscle-bound and can't even cross his arms in front of his body.

Speaker 1 But he did have a pretty good game. Darius Slay got roasted.

Speaker 1 The two-point conversion to cover the spread. It was a bad beat, but as math guys, we respect it.
Because everyone knows we are math guys.

Speaker 1 We are probably the most advanced sabermetrically advanced podcast out there uh you go for two when you're down 14.

Speaker 1 in my opinion you just always go for two because two is twice as big as one and so you'd rather have more points than fewer points in fact i was thinking about the whole cam newton situation last night because obviously the patriots are going to have a decision to make i don't think that they're going to

Speaker 1 re-sign cam newton yeah i don't think they have a decision they don't really i mean maybe if he comes back and plays for another like million dollars a year and they don't have anybody in the draft they can get whatever But what a smart team should do is they should just hire Cam Newton to be their all-time two-point conversion.

Speaker 1 Go for two guy.

Speaker 1 Go for two every single time, snap the ball directly to him, and he either runs, he does that little power run, or he does like a jump pass, or he can even, you know, he can figure out a way to score.

Speaker 1 Like, Cam Newton is probably the best short-yardage football player of all time, statistically. Tebow would be the guy.
Tebow would be a great guy. Tebow would be the guy.

Speaker 1 Except for the whole passing. He's the one who could be cheap.
He's going to make the match this season. No, but

Speaker 1 he could throw his little lob pass. But so the big story, though, coming out of Monday Night Football is

Speaker 1 Doug Peterson has officially started the process of getting fired.

Speaker 1 And I say that because Doug Peterson said afterwards he prides himself on calling plays, but for the first time, he's mentioned that a change in play caller could be on the table.

Speaker 1 And we've gone through this many times before, but if you have a flow chart of a head coach being fired,

Speaker 1 it always starts, well, actually, it starts with a long, hard look in the mirror. Sometimes that look in the mirror can last for a year and a half, like for Dan Quinn.
Correct.

Speaker 1 And then it goes to play calling duty, shuffling the deck, or you know, shuffling the

Speaker 1 chairs on the deck of the Titanic. He's passing the talking stick around.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is actually, it's actually kind of nice that Matt Nagy and Doug Peterson, who are friends, are essentially in lockstep with their, you know, death, the death walk for the end of their coaching careers here because they both have taken that long, hard look in the mirror.

Speaker 1 They both now are thinking about, or in Matt Nagy's case, giving up play calling duty.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is the next step. It's like the end of the Titanic where those two old people hold each other's hands as it's going down and they're sitting in bed and everybody cries.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I don't think that Doug Peterson's getting fired.

Speaker 1 I still don't think that he is because he's got the ace in the hole to play and the ace in the hole is going to be, we're going to bench Carson Wentz. Jalen Hurts is going to come in.

Speaker 1 And then if you show a little bit of progress with Jalen Hurts, then going into next year, you try to build something around him. So I don't think Doug's getting fired.

Speaker 1 I don't think he's getting fired. This might just be my brain reverting to the fact that he's a recent Super Bowl champion.
He wrote a book called Fearless.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I don't see him being fired, but it is a desperation move. I don't think he's going to get fired, but

Speaker 1 this is the first step. When you have to do this,

Speaker 1 you're not long for it. You know what I mean? Like, there's never been a coach who's willingly

Speaker 1 especially an offensive, you know, genius who's been like, hey, you know what? I'm going to let someone else call the plays, even though that's the reason why I'm here.

Speaker 1 And then for some reason, they just coach for another 15 years for that franchise. Like,

Speaker 1 that doesn't usually happen. So, Doug Peterson, and then the Miles Sanders thing, that

Speaker 1 is similar to a Matt Nagy. They really are just like doing the exact same thing, where

Speaker 1 I imagine Doug Peterson got off the field last night. They handed him the box score to to do his interview, and he looked at it and just panic, and his face went red.
And he's like, fuck.

Speaker 1 I knew I was supposed to do something. Maybe give it to my most dynamic offensive player more than six times.
We got to figure out a way to get the ball to Miles Sanders more.

Speaker 1 That's my favorite coach excuse of all time when they can't figure out how to get the ball to their best running back.

Speaker 1 Literally, the easiest thing to do in the sport, besides beat the Jets, is just hand the ball off to your horse of a running back. It's so easy with Miles Sanders.

Speaker 1 I don't think his job is in jeopardy, but I wouldn't be surprised. Carson Wentz.
I wouldn't be shocked. Carson Wentz, on the other hand,

Speaker 1 if I were Carson Wentz, I would just fake an injury right now.

Speaker 1 I'd take the coward's way out, and that's okay to say. I'd take the coward's way out and been like, oh, my knee, it hurts.
Oh, I have COVID. Oh, I got to sit out.
And just be like,

Speaker 1 next year, we'll start fresh. We'll hope it's different.
Let's just take an extended break here. Forget everything that happened this year.
It was the season from hell.

Speaker 1 It's been the season from hell for a couple of years. But just do a full flush, fake knee injury.
Let Jalen Hurts go out there.

Speaker 1 Because here's the thing with Carson Wentz. One, his contract.

Speaker 1 He's probably going to keep his job. And even if he doesn't keep his job, there's a lot of teams that would still...
be like, hey, let's draw the dice on Carson Wentz. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or sign him and see what happens. I'd take him on the Bears.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you're a team like the Bears that's going to be in Purgatory that doesn't have a starting quarterback that also is not going to get like a top 10 pick, then yes, Carson Wentz is your ideal solution next year.

Speaker 1 I disagree with you. I like where your head's at when it comes to faking an injury.
It's the Coward's Way Outnet, but I love it. I love that, but it can't be a knee injury.

Speaker 1 You can't like fake an in-game knee injury. The easiest things to do right now,

Speaker 1 say that you've had a sports hernia for the last like eight weeks that you're that you finally need to get surgery on, or go in for a shoulder scope. Or

Speaker 1 every quarterback that's played at a high level has like some small amount.

Speaker 1 Yes, basically, every American male that has been jacking off for longer than two years has some long-term shoulder damage just from that.

Speaker 1 So just go to the doctor, have them do like a minor little reconstruction of your rotator cuff.

Speaker 1 That's going to be five months, six months recovery time, and say that it's been nagging you all season long. Therefore, you get to go back and blame all your bad plays on that shoulder.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Or call up Drew Brees and be like, hey, Drew, how exactly did you break all those ribs?

Speaker 1 Tell me step by step how you keep breaking ribs even though you haven't been on the field for three weeks. Try to do the self-suck on yourself until you shatter your ribs.

Speaker 1 Throw yourself down the stairs and hope that something breaks. So, yeah, that's that game.

Speaker 1 The Eagles are done.

Speaker 1 The Eagles, at this point with the NFC East, and we made our jokes.

Speaker 1 I think that I would be totally fine with any three teams of the Giants, the Washington football team, and the Cowboys winning the division because I can get myself somewhat excited for a playoff game with those three teams.

Speaker 1 I cannot with the Eagles. I have done it long enough.
I bet on them long enough. I didn't bet on them last night, which actually ended up fucking me.

Speaker 1 But I've thought that they were going to turn a corner for so many weeks and it just didn't happen that I am officially giving up and not expecting anything else from them.

Speaker 1 I mean, it was against the Seahawks, the Seahawks defense last night. Right.

Speaker 1 They had Jamal Adams just straight up blitzing almost every time. That's all they do with them.
And you know what? Hey, were they turning a corner? Here's the weird thing. They've turned the corner.

Speaker 1 It might be turning a corner. I told you a couple weeks ago they flipped the switch.
But with Jamal Adams, either. That's mine.

Speaker 1 The turn of corner. I said that they flipped a switch.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 they're turning the corner, though. Like, I saw, I tried, I called it a little too early because then what game did they have? Was it the Bills game that they got torched? But it's happened.

Speaker 1 It was a night in the corner. I think it was.
They turned the corner. You know what? It was against the Cardinals.
Yeah. That was when they flipped the switch.
Yeah, they've turned the corner.

Speaker 1 They flipped the switch. They turned a corner.
And flipped a switch. But Jamal Adams isn't even that good at blitzing.
They just blitz him a lot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, yes, if he's not blocked, he can occasionally get to the quarterback. He wears too many,

Speaker 1 too much tape on his arms agreed it's one too many agreed just i don't know personal preference um all right other nfl news we have wednesday night football or wednesday afternoon football because uh we had to watch a tree get lit up which is so ridiculous that that's actually the the reason why it got pushed to the airport which is also what rg3 is doing to practice this week yes

Speaker 1 the palm trees pegging them actually that that's a good spin zone for the ravens lamar's not playing rg3 is taking the start they haven't been allowed in the facility to practice all robert griffin needs to practice is like a bear tree and his wife and greta greta just go out there and just fucking drill some palm trees with watching him yeah so that game i don't know what to make of it i actually it's weird that they they should have just went with the 340 game and not said oh it's because of the tree lighting ceremony because i initially when they said it was 340 i was like oh that's smart they get the ravens home at a reasonable time you know like it's it's good for player safety they get it they get back to the facility no no it had nothing to do with that it was literally just because there's a tree ceremony we got to watch the fucking tree get lit up people want to watch a tree who cares but i but bonus football yeah it's great listen wednesday afternoon football we wrote an entire song about it that's going to make its debut at the end of this episode yes what a treat the the most exciting part of this year is just like getting random days of football It's like a surprise from the good Lord.

Speaker 1 But we're not having Thursday night football this week. But we have double Monday and Tuesday next week.
We have Tuesday next week, and I'm scared. I'm scared for next Tuesday.

Speaker 1 I was fine going into it thinking that we were going to play the Steelers on Sunday off a short week.

Speaker 1 Not in primetime. The Washington football team has not had, shall we say, the best record.
Isn't it Tuesday night? In primetime games. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So Tuesday, so double Monday, Tuesday night, bonus football, even though it's not bonus, but that's how our brains work.

Speaker 1 We will be upset come witching hour. We're like, hey, where where are the other games? It's going to be Monday.
They're doing the double, the Steelers and the football team Monday at 5 p.m.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but then there's a Tuesday night game. What's the Tuesday night game? The Tuesday night game, I believe, is the 49ers

Speaker 1 in the Arizona. The Bills Niners.
The original Monday night game. So then what's the Tuesday night? Cowboys? Ravens, Cowboys.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's right. They're giving the Ravens more time.
Yes. So, and then the other thing we had from the NFL is like the ultimate, oh, you think, no, duh.

Speaker 1 The Texans had two PED suspensions with Will Fuller and Bradley Robey. The Texans' strength and conditioning coach is Brian Cushing.
Yep. No doubt.

Speaker 1 And how bad must those steroids be? Yeah, right? Like, to get popular steroids in 2020 seems so ridiculous. Yeah, especially if you're a wide receiver.

Speaker 1 It's actually, I don't, I don't pour shame, but it's a poor move. Billy, let's go to our steroids analyst.
Fuller said he was prescribed by a doctor for them, so it's not,

Speaker 1 no, no, it's not 100% certain if it's a PD in the way of like a body PD or like an actual

Speaker 1 methane

Speaker 1 type.

Speaker 1 Or even a, you know, we've seen like blood doping, red blood cell,

Speaker 1 oxygen increased. We have seen that, yeah.
Verbal meme, live look at his doctor, and it's that kid wearing the white lab coat. Yeah.
Glasses. Yeah.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 So what do you think? I'm still trying to figure out what

Speaker 1 popped for. Yeah.
Can you get us, make sure you

Speaker 1 by Friday's show, I want a report.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Let's do Hot Sea Cool True, and then we we have Kirk Cousins. You know what? It actually all makes sense.
Like the only season that Will Fuller hasn't had his hamstring fall off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's got to be taking something. Right, of course.
This is absolutely why he wasn't injured.

Speaker 1 He just got busted for having he got like a horse's hamstring attached to his leg and that's the PED goes on. No, it makes perfect sense.
What are you going to say?

Speaker 1 I think it might be a like HGH peptide injection.

Speaker 1 What's the difference between the peptide injection and the standard HGH? The peptides are the building blocks of the HGH as opposed to just injecting HGH.

Speaker 1 So HGH without peptide, you're basically like, you're putting like 93-octane gas into a Cheviastro. Got it.
Amino acids versus proteins. Got it, right? Perfect.
Science class.

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Hank, hot seat cool trunk.

Speaker 1 My hot hot seat is Bill Walton. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, this is kind of a yearly thing with Bill, but I feel like the tide's turning a little bit on him where he is kind of so he started doing college basketball games.

Speaker 1 He spent the entire time not talking about the games, talking about random stuff. Asheville and like

Speaker 1 I don't even know the stuff he was talking about.

Speaker 1 Asheville Mushroom Club. Yeah, well, so here's the problem with Bill Walton right now.

Speaker 1 But he doesn't, the problem is he's getting into the point where he's not even talking about the basketball games at all. No, that's not the problem.

Speaker 1 He's not been talking about basketball games for a very long time. The problem is it's in the middle of the day.
Bill Walton is exposed when he's in the middle of the day.

Speaker 1 There are too many people who are watching Bill Walton right now and don't, like, when Bill Walton is not talking about basketball and he's going off on tangents, it's usually 11 o'clock at night and you're watching Oregon State versus Washington on a Thursday night and you shouldn't be up and you're watching it and it's pretty much just you and Bill Walton.

Speaker 1 Right now, the whole world's kind of watching because it's sports during the day, and everyone's like, dude, is this guy high? Yeah, he's been high for like his whole entire life.

Speaker 1 It's just now people are paying attention, so we got to get him off of this prime time or this daytime slot.

Speaker 1 I think it's partially that, and also partially, people are expecting craziness from Bill Walton.

Speaker 1 You know, like he's become too much of a thing where it's for a lot of people, their enjoyment of Bill Walton isn't as pure as other people's enjoyment, which is like he's just a creation of nature that is to be admired.

Speaker 1 You don't sit there, like, you don't go to the Grand Canyon and say, like, tell me a regaling anecdote, big fool on the ground. You just observe it for the beauty that it is already.

Speaker 1 That's how we need to treat Bill Walton. And don't, like, don't try to make a judgment on him one way or another if he's giving a good performance or bad.

Speaker 1 He's just Bill Walton, and that should be enough to be thankful for.

Speaker 1 This was the clip that yesterday I didn't tweet out because I didn't want people to start hitting Bill Walton, but it was ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Andrew Jones, isn't that the guy who had the leukemia problem?

Speaker 1 It was Andrew Jones. Yeah, he's been through it a lot.

Speaker 1 You ever have any health problems? And he just goes on. It's like, the leukemia problem? He got a, what do you got, an addiction to leukemia? It's like, yeah, he had cancer bills.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, it's not a leukemia. You like how we followed up with, you ever have any health problems?

Speaker 1 Today someone's like, yeah, my prostate sucks.

Speaker 1 You know, I had a couple, I had to take a couple Z-PACs back in the day, get rid of the drip.

Speaker 1 Jason Bonetti, by the way, is a pros pro.

Speaker 1 He actually might be better than Dave Pash with dealing with Bill Walton. He sells his jokes so well.
Today, Bill Walton said, have you ever been inside a Sonic Boom? Bonetti said, I have not.

Speaker 1 And Bill Walton said, I highly recommend it. Okay.
Well, and he also. I mean, that actually sounds like great advice to me.
Yeah, he also had, yesterday,

Speaker 1 he was talking about a player on, I think, Texas. He's like, this is the best game I've ever seen him play.
And Jason Bonetti was like, well, it's his second career game. He tells no lies.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, it's more that, and you, and if he's, usually Jay Billis is calling the Maui. So I don't know why.
Yeah, Yeah, I feel like it's just daytime Bill Walton. You can't do it.

Speaker 1 I may have a theory because

Speaker 1 usually Maui is during feast week, right? Yeah. We have the Champions Classic tonight.
He's probably on the call for that. God.

Speaker 1 God to guess. So yeah, that is why.
But it's just, we need to get Bill Walton. We need to protect Bill Walton.
We can't have him on daytime television where everyone's like, who's this fucking guy?

Speaker 1 He's been doing the same thing forever. It's a treat when it's 11 o'clock at night.

Speaker 1 It's not, it's basically like someone walking into your office and being like, you want to to hit this bong, versus someone walking into your living room at like 10 p.m.

Speaker 1 being like, you want to hit this bong. There's a big difference there.

Speaker 1 And then my cool throne is the Paul Brothers.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Everyone hates the Paul Brothers. I feel like it's one of those things where it's kind of like, I'm so sick of the Paul Brothers.
I'm so sick of the Paul Brothers.

Speaker 1 But the Paul Brothers could not be hotter in the streets right now. Everyone's talking about him after the fight.
And then Jose Conseco,

Speaker 1 he tripped. Logan Paul is like, I want to fight one of these Paul brothers.
Logan Paul used to date Jose Conseco's daughter, and he replied and was like, no problem, I love smashing Conseiko's.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was a great response. That is a great response.
And so it's just like, you know, the Paul brothers are, as much as people hate them, it's like you can't deny that they're just everywhere.

Speaker 1 What I love about the Paul Brothers in this particular circumstance is that Jose Conseco is a 55-year-old version of the Paul Brothers.

Speaker 1 He tries to do everything that they do, and they're much better at everything that he does than he is.

Speaker 1 He'll do anything for publicity right now. He doesn't really know why.
He just likes having a camera in his face and people retweeting his lies.

Speaker 1 But like the Paul brothers, they at least have an end goal to all their attention whoring.

Speaker 1 So yeah, I mean, that's doubly bad if you're Jose Conseco, that the person you want to be also was fucking your daughter.

Speaker 1 It's also tough because we did the rundown yesterday and the comment was made that it's hot in the streets. Everyone is coming out of the woodworks saying they want to fight the Paul brothers.

Speaker 1 They're the most fightable people in America. Billy is like a big fight.
I think Billy is a big thing. He wants to fight the Paul Brothers.
I think Billy is the best option you could have.

Speaker 1 He's going to fight Connor McGregor. No, he's not.
Connor is a fighter. Yeah, he is if there's enough money.
Why wouldn't Conor McGregor do that? Beat his ass and make $10 million?

Speaker 1 Because he doesn't want to train.

Speaker 1 I think, listen.

Speaker 1 Boxers, fighters, you put enough zeros, they're in. They are.
I think McGregor will do it. But you're right.

Speaker 1 It is like, it's the most lucrative industry in America is challenging a Paul Brother to a fight. If you can't code, just challenge one of these guys to a boxing.

Speaker 1 I mean do you want to hear the realistic situation? Yeah, sure. Let me hear the realistic situation.

Speaker 1 We might have to cut this because it's legitimately like it's going to sound too smart. Okay.
But

Speaker 1 we frequently do that with Billy, by the way. Hank, get your finger on the edit button.
Get ready. We're going to have to cut this.
It's the classic Billy is always cutting smart things. No,

Speaker 1 it's smart. No, seriously.
Hypothetically, we need to promote the Barcelona Sportsbook app in a new state where it's launching. We do this event sponsored by the Barcelona Sportsbook.

Speaker 1 We have plenty of sponsors that

Speaker 1 exactly. We have Whoop sponsor a video series of me training.
Here's the body armor fueling it. Okay, can I interject real quick? Yeah.
So, yeah,

Speaker 1 for your side, it makes sense. Right, but that would be.
The Jake Paul side. No, no, no, no, this is a good idea.
I actually think it makes sense when the Jake Paul side. I'm getting to it.
What?

Speaker 1 Because all that sponsorship money is Connor McGregor. All that sponsorship money pays for Jake Paul to make the fight worth it, dude.
Like, there's a, like, he's gonna be a little bit more.

Speaker 1 Jake Paul is gonna make a lot of money on his next fight, right? And obviously, it is like Hawaiian. Distribution and media networks actually distribute the fight.

Speaker 1 But he just fought an NBA, like a well-known NBA player. Don't you think? But every time I saw, that's the thing.
Every time I saw the Nate Robinson hype, I was never, it was never like interesting.

Speaker 1 On Nate Robinson.

Speaker 1 You know what? I'm being Pilly. I watched him ever saw it.

Speaker 1 Look, I know.

Speaker 1 No, I'm serious. Meanwhile, I sell more fights than they did for Nate Robinson.
Basically,

Speaker 1 we had a little

Speaker 1 bit of a bad thing. It would basically be...

Speaker 1 It would be his. I'm so confused with this.
Five different conversations happening. It would be Jake Paul fighting Barstool Sports, not me.
And I'm just, you know, just the tip of the spear.

Speaker 1 You know what, Billy? You're right. That was too small.
I'm the tip of the spear.

Speaker 1 Can I throw one last... I'm trying to be positive.
I'm just saying that's good. But can I just throw one percent? There's a lot of money to be made.
I will pursue this for you.

Speaker 1 I will work to try to get this done. And by that, I mean, do not.
I'm like, but you could pay me nothing to do it. It would make more money for the the company.
I need you.

Speaker 1 I need you. I wouldn't fight for free.
I'm just negotiating wizard here. No, like, I'd fight for like a contract, probably.
How much? No, like,

Speaker 1 20 bucks. Well, I don't actually have a contract.
Oh, like a loser leaves town? No, no, no. I'd fight for like a contract, like,

Speaker 1 like a technical.

Speaker 1 How about this, bro? So you'd fight for health benefits, basically? Legitimately, I'd fight for health benefits. How about this? You might have read it.

Speaker 1 You'll fight for health insurance, and if you beat him, then he has to be your replacement intern on part of my take.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you get to go live the life of a Paul brother.
I don't want to live his life. If I won that fight, I would legitimately live.

Speaker 1 Here's my concern. I don't want to live the Jake Paul life.
Here's my concern, Billy.

Speaker 1 Just speaking a Jillian dollars doing nothing in L.A. That's the best thing.
No, but like everyone, like, I don't know. He just, like, his, I don't like his moral compass.

Speaker 1 I do think you should go to the Suicide Forest

Speaker 1 and go there and be like, I'm here to avenge you for being forsaken by the Paul fans. I know, and then do the same thing he did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, here's what, but on their side, like, getting revenge for the following against the Paul Film. Billy, I'm in.
I'm in. I'm in.
But here's my problem.

Speaker 1 Here's the only last thing I'll say.

Speaker 1 I feel like we would actually get this done.

Speaker 1 Like if we got this done, you would then send a text on like a Monday afternoon and be like, hey, bros, sorry, but my parents really want me to graduate, so I'm going to have to be out on this Jake Paul fight.

Speaker 1 I mean, by the time it gets settled, I'd probably be graduated already. We probably happened in 2023.

Speaker 1 We could make the best Rocky style montage of you training in your barn, chasing the chickens around.

Speaker 1 I mean, like,

Speaker 1 fucking frogs. Fucking frogs, getting your catching strength going with frog frogs.

Speaker 1 You have a frog on every finger, and then we'll get you reaching into the stream, catching a fish with your bare hands, which I believe that you can do, Billy. You can.
Anyone can.

Speaker 1 I mean, all right, I'm in, Billy. I'm in.
I'm in. I'm in.
Say no more. I'm in.
Let's try to do it. I used to buy it.
Billy, one thing you need to learn

Speaker 1 a lot more about is when to stop talking when you're ahead. And he's going to negotiate himself.

Speaker 1 The last five minutes after Big Cat has said, yes, I'm in, you've just been continually weakening your case.

Speaker 1 I don't want to steal.

Speaker 1 Were you going to talk about your bat on your Hot Sea Cool Throne? No,

Speaker 1 I forgot. No, you already have a Hot Sea Cool throne.
Oh, yeah, go on. Last night we were playing Warzone and Billy's like, fuck shit.
Guys, I'm going to get off. The bats are back.

Speaker 1 I thought they were hibernating.

Speaker 1 So I sealed up.

Speaker 1 Don't eat them. Don't eat the bats, Billy.
Don't eat the bats.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to eat the bats. We've been through enough already as a society.

Speaker 1 All right, Billy, I'm in. I'm in.
I'm being right.

Speaker 1 I just like, I think, like, I'm not saying for me, and I'm doing that. Stop fucking talking.
We already, we told you. We're going to get your hot seat.

Speaker 1 My hot seat is Zoomers. Zoomers are firmly on the hot seat.
Forbes came out with a 30 under 30 list today, and they put football players on it. So basically, rendering the entire list moot.

Speaker 1 Here's my 30 under 30. Patrick Mahomes, Joe Burrow.
Not Taysom Hill. He's too old.
Lamar Jackson is on there. Darren Revelle still.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's about it.

Speaker 1 So people understand, like, the 30 for 30 lists are essentially like whoever you basically hit up the person who's writing the list. Like, hey, I nominate myself.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyone that is actually truly on a 30-under-30 list that isn't a professional athlete is probably a huge loser that's not going to be on the 30-under-40 list. Yes, and we count ourselves.

Speaker 1 We count a couple. Yeah, and they all suck.
What's up, Billy? We have some breaking news. Oh, breaking news?

Speaker 1 Jake Paul's

Speaker 1 fight. Jake Portney's on the 30 under 30.
This is actually sick news. Actually, no, this will resonate with the Zoomers.

Speaker 1 Trace McSorley has been activated for the game tomorrow. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 And Trace McSorley is one of the most famous quarterbacks on TikTok. Can you sing a song? There's a very.

Speaker 1 My source is Jake

Speaker 1 poking me and saying, look at my Twitter. And

Speaker 1 I can't do the math right now. How much is Purdue up? 32? Yeah.
All right, go ahead. Can you sing a song?

Speaker 1 It's a really good song. Check it out on TikTok.
Ballin',

Speaker 1 throw it on a dime. Like, I ain't even trying.
Name is Trace Xorley.

Speaker 1 Anyway, it's a great song. All right, okay, that'll be electric.

Speaker 1 That was breaking news. Everyone's talking about, oh, Trace McSorley could be new.
Trace McSorley is going to back up RG3. He's going to get hurt.

Speaker 1 Well, that's the thing.

Speaker 1 RG3, we talked about this before the show. RG3 is absolutely going to get injured.
I hope that he doesn't.

Speaker 1 But I mean, I've never been so confident.

Speaker 1 We need to get Billy some headphones so he knows when he's talking that the microphone.

Speaker 1 Your cool throne. My cool throne is Christmas trees.
Christmas trees back on the cool throne big time. It is Christmas tree week in America.
Always happens the week after Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 I used to be a Christmas tree salesman. I'll put out a Christmas tree buying guide this year.
I feel like that's something that America could use right now.

Speaker 1 All the do's and don'ts when it comes to finding the perfect holiday tree.

Speaker 1 But bottom line is get yourself a Fraser fur. Don't go for Douglas fur, don't let them talk you into a fucking spruce.

Speaker 1 Worst of all, go with a Frasier fur as a former Christmas tree salesman, I can tell you. Actually, you're not, no one's ever a former Christmas tree salesman in

Speaker 1 between selling Christmas trees at the moment. But I'll put out a buying guide for you because it is the most magical time of the year.

Speaker 1 All right, my hot seat is 2020 because we are finally in the last month and it's starting, boys. It is starting.

Speaker 1 We're back to this is the last month, and once we get to 2021, all of our problems problems are solved I'm so ready for this objectively 2020 has been a shitty year yep but once it turns January 1st guess what see ya we are living high on the hogs dude I just love the tweets of being like last month we've almost made it to what the minute it turns January 1st we're still gonna be in this hellscapable world positive yeah positive vibes positive vibes positive vibes we are one day closer to a vaccine and being back to normal there we go

Speaker 1 there we go we're

Speaker 1 one day closer to billy football getting his skull caved in by Jake Paul. Fauci said it's possible we could have full NFL stadiums by September.

Speaker 1 So when he said that,

Speaker 1 my heart sunk because it dawned on me how we've completely fucked this entire season.

Speaker 1 Like, my mind, I was still in the mindset, like, maybe in the playoffs, we'll have full stadiums and things will be rocking. There'll be a massive Creed halftime show at the Super Bowl.
Nope.

Speaker 1 Nope, not going to happen. He said, quote, it's possible by September, according to Flint.
Okay, all right, let's go. Positive advice only.
All right, my cool throne is

Speaker 1 Tyler Hero jersey, the city jersey, Miami. Miami just keeps, the Heat just keep releasing city jerseys because I think they're like, these colors are so cool.
We'll just do a new one every year.

Speaker 1 But that Tyler Hero city jersey is going to be the most worn jersey at Lollapalooza whenever Lollapalooza comes back or all the EDM festivals. It's pretty sick.
It is a sick jersey.

Speaker 1 And then also Bob Stoops on my cool throne because he's back.

Speaker 1 Lincoln Riley has mentioned that Bob Stoops is actually helping out with practice because the coaching staff at Oklahoma has been hit with COVID. I love that.

Speaker 1 I love old coaches coming back. It's a Barry Alvarez move, coming back for a game, just filling in.
It's a great, I hope he coaches. I hope he's the head coach on Saturday.
It'd be awesome.

Speaker 1 I love it when they just go back to practice and just stand on the sidelines for a while, just to observe practice. We welcome back our old coach.

Speaker 1 Remember, he was in the back of Vanny Woodhead not too long ago. Huge balls.
Yes. Massive balls.
Huge balls. Ball sack four days.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do Jake. Why don't you give us a hot seat, Cool Toronto?

Speaker 1 Thank you. My hot seat is.
He always comes prepared, folks. Yeah.
My hot seat is Jim Schwartz. Yes, good.
We shortly mentioned this. Schwartz on the hot seat.
She mentioned this.

Speaker 1 Recurring guest DK Metcalf. And him, I guess, got a little post-game comment.
Pre-game. Pre-game, sorry.
And then DK responded with a Jordan meme. I took that personally, and he balled out.

Speaker 1 10 for 177. Yeah, well, what he took personally was Jim Schwartz saying, you're kind of like Calvin Johnson.
You're not quite there yet, but you're on your way, which he took as disrespect.

Speaker 1 I like that from DK.

Speaker 1 He's not

Speaker 1 Pegatron because he'll fuck you in the ass. This also reminds me of,

Speaker 1 I feel like this is Jim Schwartz. Now, Jim Schwartz is a dickhead, but I feel like he didn't say that.
I feel like he probably went up to DK Metcalf and was like,

Speaker 1 you remind me more than anyone I've ever seen of Megatron. Oh, it was a million percent a compliment that he was paying us.

Speaker 1 But DK, all he heard was like

Speaker 1 this guy. He heard like, what's his name, LeBradford

Speaker 1 being like, I think I can score points against Michael Jordan on defense

Speaker 1 all right and then you're cool throwing him and then uh my cool throne not not meant to be political walking boots yeah Joe Biden's in a walking boot and anytime someone with big uh stature is in a walking boot just the picture is interesting it is funny yeah it is it is funny he's okay celebrities get injured too it's crazy yeah there you go all right nice job jake billy do you have anything that you missed on your hot seat you know what i need spoke you know what i need real no you're fine i need dr david chow pro football doc, replying to like Joe Biden tweets with his diagnosis that you have to pay extra money for of how long it's going to take a press foot to heal.

Speaker 1 That was the worst thing that I've seen when he was like replying to Joe Burrow. Yes.
Like Joe Burrow being like, I'll be back. And he's like, here's a replay of Joe Burrow getting his knee broken

Speaker 1 behind a paywall. And here's my diagnosis.
Yes, yes. Billy, what was your hot seat going to be? Real quick.

Speaker 1 No, it was a good one. You were talking about this basketball game.

Speaker 1 Billy's hot seat. I have no more good ideas.
Billy's hot seat was going to be

Speaker 1 Mormons. And why were Mormons on your hot seat, Billy? BYU was playing in the Roman swipe classic against the Trojans, and I was didn't think that would really be good for their celibacy.

Speaker 1 No, use protection. Use protection.
They soaked. And Billy, you know what soaking is? I did not know what soaking was.
But now you do. I don't.
You're about to. You just lay in it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just put it in, and then you stand perfectly still, and it's not considered fucking if there's no friction. Where? In it.
Inside of in the hole, dude. In into Hulu.
In that hole.

Speaker 1 Great to know. Yeah, the top, Billy, the top hole.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you get it. John Smith was a revolutionary.
There we go.

Speaker 1 All right, Billy, good job. You didn't talk too much.
All right, let's get to Kirk Cousins. Kirk Cousins, before we do that, give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 3 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 3 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.
Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Okay, here he is. Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings, Kirk Cousins.
He has a serial out, Cinnamon, like Minnesota snaps.

Speaker 1 You can get him at high-v grocery store online at plbse.com, Kirk Cousins Foundation. We actually are in the serial game too, so now we're competitors.
We just released our own. Pardon my flakes.

Speaker 1 Kirk, so thank you very much for joining us.

Speaker 1 Just so that we put all of our cards on the table, I'm a Bears fan, also Wisconsin grad. PFT is a Washington football team fan.
So we've said some things.

Speaker 1 Do you want to do the the hard questions first or the easy questions? Your call.

Speaker 4 Well, I grew up a Bear fan. So I grew up in Chicago.
So I'm with you.

Speaker 4 You know, I know what that life is like.

Speaker 1 It's not good.

Speaker 4 Let's go hard first. I can be flexible.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right. What the hell were you doing with your grill when you put the tinfoil down with the steaks?

Speaker 4 You know, I like my steaks to

Speaker 4 stay juicy. I don't like when the juice just drips into the grill and the grill absorbs it.
So I figured I like to keep my steaks as juicy as possible.

Speaker 4 Now, I've since been told that I need to sacrifice that to be able to get that true grill flavor.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 4 that was the last day I used aluminum foil ever.

Speaker 4 But that was my thought, but apparently it was a

Speaker 4 flawed thinking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you're coachable. You don't get the taste of fire if you've got the aluminum foil boat down there.
Because we might have said that you aren't a franchise quarterback solely based on that.

Speaker 4 Yeah, and rightfully so, right?

Speaker 1 I mean, that was my fault, but the good news is that I was able to fix it. You can pivot from that mistake.

Speaker 4 And since then, we've been doing just fine on the grill.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was probably my hardest question.

Speaker 1 I've got a couple of hard ones. I did say on yesterday's show that you were a perfectly nice quarterback.
You were a fine young quarterback, I think, is what I said.

Speaker 1 So I've come around a little bit, but I have said some bad stuff, so I'll get this off my chest.

Speaker 1 I said the worst part about Kirk Cousins making $84 million a year is that he's going to spin it on lame stuff.

Speaker 1 He's probably just going to stuff it in mayonnaise jars and bury it in his side yard is that true is that true how much do you use mayonnaise or like uh or light mustard jars you know what you got to diversify so as many different jars as possible you know you want to spread your assets out cast a wide net um

Speaker 4 yeah you know i'm i'm probably not a the biggest spender i'm not going to blow all my money if if that's what you want to see me do i'm happy to entertain some ideas of how i could blow it but uh uh yeah i'm probably going to try to save more than I'm going to spend.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you got me pegged correctly there.

Speaker 1 Well, you did have the story, and I would love for you to retell it for our listeners, that you once inquired about getting Creed to play a private party, Creed the band, to play a private party for you.

Speaker 1 Now, that is a good use of money, I would say. Well, thank you.

Speaker 4 I appreciate that. Being understanding.
Yeah, not even Creed. Creed would probably be too pricey, but Scott Staff, just the lead singer.

Speaker 4 I was interested in getting him to come in and do a private concert just with an acoustic guitar for just my you know private custom audience and a custom set list and he would have to do it i just wanted to know you know is that possible and they told me yeah for a for a price anything's possible so that got my wheels turning but uh and it could still happen you know down the road maybe i think maybe you'll be invited who knows yeah i would love this to happen i would love to be there for that i mean they're going on a reunion tour right now i think there's talk are they really band getting back together yeah and i knew that

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 i honestly didn't know that i

Speaker 1 dream is even more likely but i may not have to bring him to my house i may be able to go see him in a town near me get backstage or even better i saw your high school singing clips that went viral on twitter the other day maybe we can get you on stage singing backup for hire or arms wide which song would you want to sing with creed on stage that's a tremendous question it's like trying to pick your favorite kid yeah i'd say harder um you know i I have two boys.

Speaker 4 It's hard for me to say that I like one more than the other. And creed songs are kind of a

Speaker 4 similar thing. But yeah, with arms wide open, higher, one last breath.
I mean, my sacrifice. I mean, how do you pick?

Speaker 1 You can't. But,

Speaker 4 you know, going back to those singing videos from high school, if you thought I was, you know, embarrassed about having aluminum foil on my grill,

Speaker 4 that's nothing to seeing yourself. 15 years later singing songs from high school and having to relive that.
And then every few years it comes back up on social media and gets recycled.

Speaker 4 That's far worse than aluminum foil on your grill.

Speaker 1 Well, I was actually surprised that you weren't bad when you were singing. So when you started saying, I was like, yeah, that's embarrassing, but I wish he was worse so that I could laugh at it more.

Speaker 4 So that was the line all my teammates said. You know, they brought it up, they laugh, and then they're like, you're actually okay.
So it's hard to...

Speaker 4 Well, then maybe I'll be good enough where Scott Stapp will see it.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 4 And when he comes and does the private concert, he'll let me duet on on a few of the hits.

Speaker 1 Well, so speaking of embarrassing things, what about the sandals with the toe sandals with socks?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, again, that one I'm not going to feel as badly about because I got up that morning, I put on socks, I was in a hurry, I couldn't find my shoes, so I throw on sandals and I said,

Speaker 4 it's going to be that way. You know, I'm not going to care too much.
So it wasn't my best fashion choice, but it was functional and got me through whatever I need to go.

Speaker 1 We got the job done. You got to get you some Crocs.
Put those in sport move. You definitely got to do that.
Actually, a lot of Vikings quarterbacks in history are famous for wearing

Speaker 1 big time Crocs.

Speaker 1 At one point, I did accuse you of running an illegal dog fighting operation out of your house in Virginia because you put up a bunch of pictures of you holding the dogs that you were fostering at the time.

Speaker 1 And in one, it looked like you were threatening to just spray it with a hose. I guess you were giving it a bath or taking care of it or whatever.
But it looked like you were waterboarding it.

Speaker 1 So I want to give you a chance on the record to refute the fact or confirm it if it is true that you were fighting dogs in Ashburn Virginia we were definitely fostering dogs we had kind of a revolving door with

Speaker 1 fighting or fostering I heard and then Tim

Speaker 4 we were definitely fostering okay fostering got it and that was at pet supplies plus and they had a little dog washing area where we could go with the hose so The dog didn't enjoy getting a bath, but it was

Speaker 1 far from waterboarding.

Speaker 1 Here's one. So we don't have to get into

Speaker 1 the pandemic, but the if I die, I die thing. I did reply, if I can't mock Kirk Cousins, then I also do not care if I die.
So I said that.

Speaker 1 Stand by that one.

Speaker 1 I did a little bad.

Speaker 4 I'm glad I've given you guys so much material.

Speaker 1 This is a roast now. I don't know if you realize you walked into a roast.
We're going to talk football for you. Wait a second.
We're just getting it all out of our system because it's only fair.

Speaker 1 The last thing I want is for you to do this interview and for you to somehow like us, and then everyone sends you all the bad stuff we've said. Right.
Wait, these guys want to say that to my face?

Speaker 1 That's a nightmare. No, we'll say that.
So you're saying it's to your face. Are you a data guy? Are you a stats guy?

Speaker 4 Am I a stats guy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, do you pay attention to data?

Speaker 4 Yes and no. I mean, at the end of the day, not really, but at times, if you have a discerning eye.

Speaker 1 Okay, I ran some data. I did a little number visualization thing.

Speaker 1 You might have heard this story came out a couple of years ago how James Hardin, when he plays on the road in cities that have the biggest strip clubs, he has worst games.

Speaker 1 And I don't know if there's a correlation, but somebody did like some research on that.

Speaker 1 I actually did some research that said that when Kirk Cousins plays on the road in cities with the largest mega churches, you're 10 and 15 as a starter as opposed to 31 and 25 in cities without the mega churches.

Speaker 1 So do you think that's a problem? Do you go, do you sip too much communion?

Speaker 1 Do you like, do you get exhausted spiritually from spending too much time on the road in these churches before you play games?

Speaker 4 You know, I like that stat. I mean, talk about having a discerning eye.
Now, that's a stat you could really draw something from.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you know, the megachurch,

Speaker 4 I'd be interested to know which cities are considered to have them and which cities aren't. And maybe with that information, I'll be able to try to write that stat a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was like, it was Charlotte,

Speaker 1 Chicago, Dallas. And then, but a lot of those games were the primetime games that people have given you grief for over the years.

Speaker 1 So there's like a little bit of, there's some overlap between primetime and megachurch games. Do you hear that, by the way? Do you hear the primetime stats?

Speaker 1 Like, does that ever, is there anything different or is it just, you know, it hasn't worked out sometimes and it happens during primetime?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, you get to ask the question, so that's when you hear it is when they ask you. But

Speaker 4 I think it's more of just, you know, didn't get the win. And,

Speaker 4 you know,

Speaker 4 it's a stat I wish was different, but it is what it is. And hopefully going forward, you know, we can start to win those those games consistently and start to kind of change that narrative.

Speaker 1 I think you actually are trending in the right direction because you obviously you beat the Bears in primetime this year.

Speaker 1 The Seahawks game last year, I want to say, or no, this year, where you guys, that wasn't like on Kirk Cousins. That was just Russell Wilson at the end.

Speaker 1 So I think it's trending in the right direction. About this Vikings team, though, you guys had a tough start.

Speaker 1 Does it feel like we can make a push here for the playoffs? And that was actually a great, we're taping this on Monday, a great game-winning drive against the Panthers on Sunday.

Speaker 1 But how does it feel knowing like you guys can't really lose any more games and you got to keep the momentum going forward?

Speaker 4 Yeah, we don't have a lot of room for error. I mean, we started one in five.
So even if, you know, you have a great month in November, you're only back to, you know, we're not even 500 yet.

Speaker 4 So we have five games left. You know, we're going to have to play our best football in these last five, but it's nice to be in the hunt.

Speaker 4 you know, because when we were one and five and going into our bye week, we weren't in the hunt. And so

Speaker 4 it's exciting to know that we're going to be playing meaningful football in December, but we are going to have to be playing our best football, too.

Speaker 1 When you played the Cowboys,

Speaker 1 not to knock you, but I lost to Chevy Silverado on that game.

Speaker 1 You guys lost that game to the Cowboys. Did you know,

Speaker 1 could you feel playing that game that Mike McCarthy had smashed a watermelon the night before in a pregame meeting with his team?

Speaker 4 You know what?

Speaker 4 I didn't know that until you just told me, but I did think they played with a lot of energy. I thought it was just because they were coming off a bye week so they were fresh.

Speaker 1 Nope. But maybe it was the watermelon.
It was the smashed watermelon. It absolutely was.

Speaker 1 See, you should have like, someone should have figured that out and told you guys beforehand, be like, hey, listen, they smashed a watermelon last night. We're going to get their best effort.

Speaker 4 That's the kind of scouting report that would have made a huge difference. And I'm disappointed that our scouts didn't get that information back to us before kickoff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, your coach, Mike Zimmer, is an all-time football guy. We love Zim.

Speaker 1 We got to meet him just real briefly. More than anything, we just saw his truck in the parking lot, which was just filled to the brim with red man pouches in the center console.

Speaker 1 He's a big football guy. What does he do that's kind of along those lines of

Speaker 1 a pregame meeting that he has and he needs to get you guys fired up? Has he ever pulled out a prop or done anything crazy to get you guys amped up?

Speaker 4 You know, that's not really his style. I don't think he's about the theatrics.
I think he's about ball. And so he's a man of few words.
It's about just, you know,

Speaker 4 few words, you know, let your play do the talking. But he wants you to be physical.
He wants to run the ball and impose your will on people.

Speaker 4 And you feel that from him, you know, and I think you guys know him. You know, he's a no-nonsense guy.
And, you know, if you have Red Man in your center console, you probably are a no-nonsense guy. So

Speaker 4 that's who he is.

Speaker 1 I've always had the theory that with Mike Zimmer, he doesn't really like any quarterback. And so his quarterbacks always want to play hard to kind of like gain his approval.

Speaker 1 Because if it were up to him, he'd just play defense the entire entire game and and that's what he loves do you feel that same way that it's like i really need to show out to make zimmer appreciate what i'm able to do because i know he just hates my position

Speaker 4 you know i've never heard it put that way but there there's no doubt that uh you know you want to keep coach zimmer happy and uh he's a defensive coach so it's going to be hard to keep him happy but uh it also doesn't help you know because One of the best ways to keep a defensive-minded coach happy is just protect the football.

Speaker 4 You know, just don't screw it up. And so earlier in the year, I was leading the league in interceptions.
That's not where you want to be.

Speaker 4 So thankfully, you know, the last few weeks, we've been a little bit better, started to get on the right track. But,

Speaker 4 you know, hopefully I can get back in his good graces.

Speaker 1 This is a weird one, but we have a theory that you look shorter in purple. Have you noticed that? When you're in your all purple, you look shorter.

Speaker 4 Well, I'll tell you what, guys, I'm learning all kinds of stuff right now.

Speaker 1 So thank you.

Speaker 4 Thank you for all this information information coming at me i'm having a hard time digesting it all at once but uh you know they say white you know all white which we wore against your bears on monday night they say makes you look fatter

Speaker 4 uh you know i thought all purple might make you look a little slimmer obviously i'm actually trying to look fatter with how skinny i am the linemen have a different opinion yep uh if i look a little shorter

Speaker 4 Okay, you know, as long as I still am what I am height-wise, I'm okay with that.

Speaker 1 Just look, just check it out. Next time you guys play at home, just check it out.

Speaker 1 Like, look at yourself in the mirror as you go out there and be like wait i do look a little maybe it's a helmet the helmet is so like big i feel like your helmet doesn't fit all the time yeah because you're always you're always sprinting up to the line of scrimmage you have a lot of energy on the field so every time you get a first down i always see you moving quickly up there it always bobbles a little bit does it does it fit It actually is pretty snug.

Speaker 4 Maybe it's not the helmet because the helmet is what it is, you know, for everybody. Maybe it's my face.
Maybe that's the problem.

Speaker 4 Just my head and my face.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's my face guy around her. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think my my head and my face are the problem which harder to change you have a great jawline say something nice about kirk cousins great jawline there it is we're gonna get back to kirk cousins just a second but before we do i want to talk to you guys about

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Speaker 1 And now, more Kirk Cousins. I'll also say something else nice.
I love whenever professional athletes bet on themselves.

Speaker 1 So when you're going through that and you're betting on yourself and you're playing, you know, on the franchise tag, was there an element of like nervousness like, hey, if I get a really bad injury or if something bad happens, I'm kind of screwed.

Speaker 1 Not screwed because you're still making a lot of money, but screwed in in the long term that you don't have that security of a long-term deal.

Speaker 4 You know, there's always risk. Uh, you understand that, but uh, there's risk even if you have a contract in place for long term that, you know, things can change.

Speaker 1 And, um,

Speaker 4 so, you know, I didn't feel like a long-term deal was suddenly going to just make everything better. And I didn't mind playing year to year.
It didn't bother me a whole lot.

Speaker 4 Purchased an insurance policy, you know, know, just to be smart. And then you go play.

Speaker 4 And, you know, I had talked to players, even in other sports, who had done a similar approach, and they kind of, you know, helped me understand how the best way to go about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I do love it. And obviously, when you became a free agent, you were heavily courted.
We actually had Von Miller on this show, and he called you Rihanna. So

Speaker 1 he loved you. And I know that.

Speaker 4 You guys, during that offseason, they say, you know, find somebody who appreciates you the way Von Miller appreciates Kirk Cousins. You know, back then, he was in my corner.
And

Speaker 4 when you have one of the best players in football in your corner, it's a good feeling.

Speaker 1 And the New York sports media hated your guts. So you like, they did.
They were like, oh, he used the Jets, which I don't understand that argument of how like you can, that's what negotiating is.

Speaker 1 They just were upset that you negotiated. But that had to feel good.
going into free agency and having multiple teams be like, yo, we want Kirk Cousins right now.

Speaker 4 You know, it was just a great thing to have a fit here in Minnesota where you felt like you were going to a team with a great locker room, great coaching staff, a great facility, great fan base.

Speaker 4 I mean, I can go on and on. It was just the right fit.
You know, you were hoping that you could, you know, find a great fit, but you didn't know until you really got to free agency.

Speaker 4 And then you see that, boy, this is a home run.

Speaker 4 You know, I'm just thrilled that it all worked out.

Speaker 1 How many steak dinners did you make people take you out for during that whole process?

Speaker 1 Was there a team where you were like, you know what, I already know I'm going to the Vikings, but I could use a night out at Ruth's Chris. Like,

Speaker 1 the Tomahawk sounds pretty good to me tonight. Did you, like, just have one of those on at the end?

Speaker 4 When you talk about, you know, being courted, it would have been fun to kind of have it be drawn out for two weeks and have everybody tell you how good you are for two weeks, whether they believe it or not.

Speaker 4 Honestly, it happens so fast. I mean, free agency now in the NFL is a quick turnaround, and the news breaks seemingly right when free agency starts.

Speaker 4 And that was, you know, pretty pretty close to my experience. So I only visited the Vikings.

Speaker 4 You know, the deal was pretty much done before I even touched down in Minnesota. And then the next day signed the contract to make it official.
So it was a quick, quick process, but

Speaker 4 honestly, that was a good thing to just be right to business, get it over with, and then go get to work on building your team.

Speaker 1 When you got there, how excited were you that you had a general manager that knew what your first name was?

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 4 I'll just, I'll punt on that question. If I can get one punt, I'll punt on that question.

Speaker 1 It's fine. Listen, I've got family in McLean.
We do have that accent where sometimes you say Kurt instead of Kirk. It happens.

Speaker 4 It's a difficult first name to say, and I'll agree with that 100%.

Speaker 1 So you have an unreal rookie wide receiver in Justin Jefferson. How quickly did you know like this is a dude? Was it almost instant or did it take a little bit of time?

Speaker 4 You know, that's a great question, and I'm disappointed to tell you that I didn't realize it as quickly as I wish I did.

Speaker 4 In my defense, I don't know that we all realized it as quickly as we should, partly because we didn't have preseason games, didn't have OTAs.

Speaker 4 We had him in the slot, you know, playing that slot position, which is really what he played most of his final year at LSU.

Speaker 4 And we moved him outside to the X position week three.

Speaker 4 And that's when I realized, oh, my goodness, he's the real deal. He made some plays in that game

Speaker 4 that were serious.

Speaker 4 And he's never looked back. And, you know, we're lucky to have him, thrilled to have him.
You know, there were several other first-round receivers in the draft.

Speaker 4 And, you know, I'm just thrilled that he's on our team.

Speaker 1 So when that moment happens, when the light bulb goes off, is it he makes an incredible play, or is it you make a pass that wasn't a great pass and he makes you look good?

Speaker 4 Both, right? I mean, if I make a pass that's not a great pass and he catches it, that's an incredible play. So it was a go ball on third down that I I threw to him versus man coverage.

Speaker 4 The ball was a little bit underthrown. He adjusted to it and high-pointed it and came down with it for a conversion.

Speaker 4 I just said to myself, I'm literally talking to myself at this point out loud, saying, he's really good. And then later in the game, he caught

Speaker 4 a deep route versus man coverage, separated, made the safety miss and scored a touchdown that was, you know, maybe 60, 70 yards. And again, you say, you know, not everybody can do that.
So,

Speaker 4 you know, and it was just great. We never looked back since then.
He's been productive every week in and out since then.

Speaker 1 So that was week three against who?

Speaker 1 Tennessee. Tennessee.
All right, we're going to go find that. That's, yeah, I mean, that's cool.

Speaker 1 It's cool to have like a moment where you can look back and be like, oh, that's exactly what he was talking about. We're going to find that.
Was there one of those moments this year?

Speaker 1 You know, you guys are one and five. After that, was there an instant where you realized like things might be clicking or things felt different

Speaker 1 where you got a little bit more optimistic about the rest of the season?

Speaker 4 Well, you know, the way the games played out, I was pretty optimistic all the way through because we lost week one, but we moved the football well, scored 34 points.

Speaker 4 Week two, we got it handed to us in Indianapolis. That was a disappointing effort.
Week three, we played Tennessee and it came down to the final play.

Speaker 4 And so, and you knew Tennessee was a good football team, and we knew that we were one play away from having a win against them. So we felt we're a lot closer than it feels at 0-3.

Speaker 4 And then we went and won at Houston. And then we went to Seattle and played Seattle down to the final play.

Speaker 4 And you knew that that game was one play away from it going a different way at several points in the game.

Speaker 4 So, you know, you started to say, boy, we've played some undefeated teams where, you know, we were right there on the final snap of the game and just didn't get it done.

Speaker 4 And so at one and five, we felt like we were closer than the record would suggest. And we had a bye week.
We had a chance to kind of regroup and evaluate and then

Speaker 4 have had a much stronger November.

Speaker 1 This is a really weird one.

Speaker 1 You probably don't even know this, but December 30th, 2018. Did you happen to look in your Instagram comments right around that time?

Speaker 4 No, not that date or any before or any after.

Speaker 1 Okay, because there was, I don't know how this happened. It was very, very strange.

Speaker 1 There was a bunch, there was, so a bunch of Brazilians were commenting on all your posts saying that this guy, Claudio Cardosa, who I guess is like some fat guy from Brazil, beat you in football, in college football.

Speaker 1 And you were literally getting like cyber bullied by these people saying free Claudio Cardosa. Do you know Claudio Cardosa? Do you know who? I don't believe I do.

Speaker 4 I don't know him by the name.

Speaker 4 They're saying he beat me in like a throwing competition or like a video game.

Speaker 1 So I'm looking at it. So it was, I think this is free Claudio Cardosa's Freguez Claudio Cardosa.
And then someone said, what the hell is going on with this hashtag?

Speaker 1 And someone replied, some guy in Brazilian AF group said that he beat Kirk Cousins while playing in the NCAA.

Speaker 1 But the guy is so unathletic and short that it's obvious that the story is fake. But Brazilians in the internet are Zueros and the Zuero never ends.

Speaker 1 So we are mocking Kirk for losing to Claudio Cardoso, aka the GOAT. I am all about that.

Speaker 4 Hashtag free Claudio, I'm up on that.

Speaker 1 It was so strange, and it just made me laugh so much that like some group of Brazilian people on the internet were like, we're going to go after Kirk Cousins today.

Speaker 1 I'm totally okay with that. That's how I like Brandon.
Brandon's good.

Speaker 1 It was one of

Speaker 1 the funniest, like weirdest random stories. And yeah, around late 2018, Claudio Cardosa was coming.
The rent was due and he was coming for your ass.

Speaker 1 I love that we're teaching you things about yourself that you might not have known because like this is our lives as a fan. Like we observe everything around the game.
Correct.

Speaker 1 And as you're actually playing the game, you don't spend time worrying about stupid stuff like, does my helmet make me look short on facebook? It does.

Speaker 4 So you guys got a lot more, I got a lot more swing thoughts now. Let's just put it that way.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 But who knows?

Speaker 1 Maybe they'll be helpful swing thoughts. How much do you actually, because every

Speaker 1 quarterback says, oh, yeah, I don't listen to that stuff. I tune it out.
And I do think that there is some truth to it. I do know we've talked to guys and it's clear that they are able to tune it out.

Speaker 1 But at some point, you hear some of it, right? Like, how does that work?

Speaker 4 Is that just the tv's on or someone your one of your friends says it or do you have like a strict policy don't bring outside noise into my head well we have an nfl mandated time to speak with the media every week so it makes it hard to uh to not hear it if they're literally asking you about it um but outside of that time I am pretty ignorant.

Speaker 4 And, you know, there was a moment last year where a player on another team and, you know, made a comment about me and I played the entire game and knew nothing about it.

Speaker 4 and then after the game it was the first question I was asked and I said I wasn't even aware that he said it so ignorance is bliss I believe in that and as a result I try to stay as ignorant as possible my wife and friends and family know that too so they're not updating me but obviously you know there's certain things that you're going to hear it because you're talking to the media two three times a week well here's here's how you can spend all your money instead of putting it into mayonnaise jars you could hire us to be your like security team we will give you a briefing once a month like hey there's a fat brazilian dude that's saying he kicked your ass in college what do you want us to do about it we could do that for you

Speaker 4 you guys will be worth the money if then you can go take care of the problem and make it go away too if you can notify me and erase the problem now you're really worth the pay okay that's actually easy because we're like the mafia because half of the problems are us we create them

Speaker 1 so we could just silence ourselves and be like we got it kirk we'll stop saying you look short yeah in your purple amazing guys i would be basically i'm paying you to talk nicely to me about me on your show

Speaker 4 i think a good idea

Speaker 1 that way don't say it that way today's daily briefing uh there's a five foot eight weird looking guy with long hair that keeps saying that his dumb intern looks exactly like a stronger version of you i'm gonna make that stop immediately yep we got that taken care of done don't you worry off your plate don't worry about that guys you're on the case yeah um i'm just curious do you remember back when you uh obviously you remember when you got married but your wedding registry went public back in dc

Speaker 1 and a bunch of people bought you presents do you remember getting a lunch pail from somebody

Speaker 1 and do you still have said lunch pail because i got a very nice thank you note back yes then i absolutely do remember i'm sure my wife was the one that sent the thank you note i uh yeah i said the handwriting was too i i said the handwriting was too good for it to be a franchise quarterback too feminine yeah but uh i definitely appreciate that I remember that, you know, the whole wedding registry, the fact that fans would do that is just awesome.

Speaker 4 And it says a lot about, you know, the NFL and fans like yourself who do fun things like that. So, yeah, we got some great gifts and

Speaker 4 we still have a lot of them.

Speaker 1 Do you mean that, though?

Speaker 1 Like, was it really awesome, or was there a part of you that's like, this is kind of strange that I'm just having boxes show up from strangers that just know me from, you know, watching me play on TV?

Speaker 4 Well, it's strange, but I'm totally okay with it. And honestly, it's an honor to get something as a gift from somebody I've never met.

Speaker 1 So I appreciate it. You're too nice.
I don't like this. You're too nice.
You know what?

Speaker 1 He's doing this to us. He's doing this to us.
He's spun this on us. He doesn't have to pay us to do it because he's doing it.
Do you have a photographic memory?

Speaker 4 Not that I know of. I don't know how to test it.

Speaker 1 Well, let's go viral.

Speaker 1 Week 12, last play before the touchdown of Chad Beebe. What was the coverage? This is going to be be crazy because Kirk has a week 12.

Speaker 4 So the last play before the touchdown, it was a five-man rush. We got man covered, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Well, what about the touchdown play? Walk us through that.

Speaker 4 Touchdown play was, I believe, 44-man coverage, and this guy's amazing.

Speaker 4 This is amazing. Safety came downhill.
I mean, the game was pretty recent, so you guys are giving me layups here.

Speaker 1 That was incredible, dude. All right, all right.
Here's one: 2011,

Speaker 1 four seconds left against Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 There's actually no question here. He clearly didn't go across the line, and you know that.

Speaker 4 You know, I appreciate your biased fan approach, but I'll never forget when ESPN literally drew a red line vertically from the end zone up, and the ball had crossed it.

Speaker 1 That was Brent Meisberger. He was old.

Speaker 1 Nope, nope. Well, guess what? Ball don't lie, the Big Ten championship game, which that had to be, even though you lost to Russell Wilson, that had to be a fun game to play.

Speaker 1 That was one one of the best college football games, back and forth, just craziness.

Speaker 1 When you're in those games,

Speaker 1 do you feel it? Do you have a moment where you step back, you're like, fuck, this game is awesome?

Speaker 4 Just like you said, it was a great game. Two great teams, great players all over the field.

Speaker 4 And it was the inaugural Big Ten Championship game.

Speaker 4 So to kind of kick off the first ever Big Ten Championship game the way that we did, it was in Lucas Oil where the Super Bowl was going to be later that year.

Speaker 4 It was a game I'll remember the rest of my life.

Speaker 4 Unfortunately, it was also one of the most heartbreaking losses of my career, being that we had dreamed of going to the Rose Bowl, and we were a matter of yards away from going.

Speaker 4 But we obviously lost to a great, great team, great players. And

Speaker 4 like you said, I guess ball don't lie. They won the game and went on to the Rose Bowl.

Speaker 1 I think you do have a photographic memory. How about this one?

Speaker 1 December 26, 2015, it was the Redskins and the Eagles. There's six seconds left in the second quarter.
And

Speaker 1 you're on the six-yard line. What's the play call there?

Speaker 4 Well, that's a fascinating question that off-fair I could maybe talk to you about for a little bit as a Washington fan. But

Speaker 4 part of the problem was we didn't have a play call.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, you do have a photograph.
That

Speaker 4 led to a lot of confusion and not my best moment as a player. Thankfully,

Speaker 4 the second half, we took care of business and won the game, and it kind of disappeared into football history. But that was an all-time,

Speaker 4 you know, not a good play on my part. This is crazy.

Speaker 1 Took the neither, you remember everything. I just pulled that one randomly.
I'm surprised that you remembered it so quickly. All right, I had one last question.

Speaker 1 The final question is brought to you by Cross Country Mortgage America's crazy good mortgage company.

Speaker 1 Go to ccmlends.com/slash take to learn more about your future home, buying experience, or refinancing needs equal housing opportunity.

Speaker 1 So, everyone, go check out, like I said, Cinnamon Snaps, Kirk Cousins cereal. You can can get it at high-beat grocery stores.
It goes to Kirk Cousins Foundation.

Speaker 1 This one, I don't understand.

Speaker 1 Rob Parker, when you were in college, just decided to create a rumor that you beat up the Michigan State hockey team. And then you came out and you're like, no, I was at church with my dad.

Speaker 1 Why didn't you just say, yeah, I did? I fucked him up. Like, I beat up the entire Michigan State hockey team.
What's the why?

Speaker 4 So I was probably at a mega church that day

Speaker 4 and wasn't able to make it to the hockey house for the party that turned into a fight. But

Speaker 4 I think what happened was one of the people involved in the fight was a part-time quarterback on the team and wasn't a starter.

Speaker 4 And so I'm sure through rumors, they just assumed it must have been the backup. That's Kirk.
It was Kirk. But it was funny because my teammates thought it was so funny.

Speaker 4 I mean, you guys are already getting to know me. Like, probably not, probably not going to be Kirk.
That's probably not the best guess if you're guessing.

Speaker 4 You don't have 100 football players in the team. And so my teammates would go to class and a sophomore in college girl would look at them and say, I can't believe Kirk beat that guy up.

Speaker 1 And then he started laughing.

Speaker 4 Like, you've got to be kidding me. And at one point, they were going to sell t-shirts on campus that said Kirk Cousins, or I party with Kirk Cousins on the back.

Speaker 4 It was going to say late nights and hockey fights.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's good. Yeah, I mean, Rob Parker just totally made it up.
So it's what that's what record does. I would let that just, I'd be like, yeah, that sounds vaguely familiar, Rob.

Speaker 1 I beat up the entire Michigan State Hockey. If you remember, that was the same roster that had Brian Hoyer and Nick Foles on it.

Speaker 1 So I guess it was probably Brian Hoyer, if we're looking at between those three guys. Can you confirm that?

Speaker 4 It wasn't either of those names either. But

Speaker 4 yeah, it's crazy how loaded our quarterback room was back then. Drew Stanton just graduated, went on to a 13-plus-year pro career.
Then Brian, who's in year 12 now, Nick has been a Super Bowl MVP. And

Speaker 4 so it was a loaded room.

Speaker 1 You guys must have won several national championships championships and Big Ten championships. That's right.
It's a great roster. I got one last thing, then we can let you go.

Speaker 1 This is probably my favorite Kirk Cousins tweet of all time. You said, in my opinion, the best movies do three things.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Tickle your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, blow your mind. Agreed? Do you stand by that? Because I think that they do.
I think... Great movies also make you think.

Speaker 1 And what movie was that about?

Speaker 4 So my favorite movies of all all time are the Ocean series.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 You know, I kind of like how there's some intrigue, there's some mystery, but it's really a comedy.

Speaker 4 And they probably don't tug on the heartstrings as much as they could to fit that criteria. But those are my favorite movies.
And then,

Speaker 4 you know, I just think anytime a movie kind of leaves you, you know, laughing and crying and kind of makes you think, too.

Speaker 4 I mean, I don't know how you beat that. So that's my criteria, and I'm sticking with it.
Probably could have worded it a little better than I did in in that tweet.

Speaker 1 Oh, you did perfect. It was a perfect tweet.

Speaker 1 You got to be you because this is actually, I'm going to give you a ton of credit here.

Speaker 1 This is probably the most like loaded rapid-fire questions we've ever had for someone we've interviewed because we have so much Kirk Cousins history. And you

Speaker 4 have given you so much ammo

Speaker 1 over so many years. I mean, I'll say the quote again, if I can't mock Kirk Cousins, I also want to die.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, you have done, you have

Speaker 1 given us a great service, and we thank you for that. We really do appreciate it.

Speaker 4 Anytime I can be your doormat, I'm happy to do it, guys. I'm an easy target.

Speaker 1 Dave, don't do that.

Speaker 1 Don't do that.

Speaker 1 I hate you because you're making me not hate you. Don't do that.
This is the worst way that this interview could have gone. I like when we interviewed you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would have rather you come on here and you just call me an asshole. You cut the meeting off early, and you're like, I'll go sell my cereal somewhere else.
I don't need you, clowns.

Speaker 1 But instead, now I kind of like you, which sucks. Yeah, we'll send an invoice, though, when

Speaker 1 we start bashing you again, and then you can tell us to cut it out for a month.

Speaker 4 But just remember that if that happens, you guys now work for me, so ultimately I win.

Speaker 1 True, we're compromising. All right, that's fine.
No problem with that. Thank you so much, man.
Really appreciate it.

Speaker 1 Good luck with the cereal, Kirk Cousins Foundation, and good luck with the rest of the season, man.

Speaker 4 Thanks, guys. Blessings to you.
Have a great Christmas.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thanks, man.

Speaker 1 That interview with Kirk Cousins was brought to you by this college football season.

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Speaker 1 All right, let's wrap up. We got Embrace Debate and Guys on Chicks.
What was your Embrace Debate? This is a hot one in the streets. You've probably heard people talking about it already, Big Cap.

Speaker 1 But as we know, the Olympics are always in the process of figuring out whether or not to add new sports, what those new sports are going to be.

Speaker 1 Well, one of of the ones that's on the docket for the Paris Olympics is parkour.

Speaker 1 Parkour, the ancient art of trespassing, where you just kind of jump off things in the street.

Speaker 1 Now, it's not so simple to just make the debate: is parkour an Olympic sport? Because the parkour society is actually

Speaker 1 protesting it and asking the IOC not to allow parkour into the Olympics. Why, you might ask?

Speaker 1 Because there has been a hostile takeover of the sport from the International Gymnastics Federation.

Speaker 1 So gymnastics is trying to make parkour a gymnastics sport in the Olympics, a gymnastics event, whereas traditional trad parkours are trying to keep it more of like a street sport. Got it.

Speaker 1 So what's the debate? So embrace debate. Should parkour be an Olympic sport? But that

Speaker 1 the tag should be.

Speaker 1 Tag, like J.J. Watts tag? Yeah, the parkour tag.
Or parkour parkour tag. What's the difference between parkour tag and tag? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like, they, have you ever watched those videos where they're in, like, a box and there's a bunch of like rails and

Speaker 1 different things they can jump on? And it's like a confined area and they just run around. It's floor as lava.
You're talking about the floor lava. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 It's basically parkour, but with an element of tag. That's an Olympic sport.
It sounds like a double dirt. Because parkour, I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 I don't care about another sports where there's stupid judges telling you, I want a sport where if you tag a guy, you're there you go. Where there's a winner and there's a loser.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I agree with that. I think it'd be hilarious to see parkour in the Olympics, though, just to get like the parkour athletes thinking that they're on the same level as like Olympic sprinters.

Speaker 1 Right. World chase tag.
This is it. Okay.
It's fucking sick. Yeah, that looks awesome.
Yeah, it's basically parkour. They're just running around chasing each other in a box.

Speaker 1 That should be an Olympic sport. Can you imagine a guy like having the national anthem played for himself after winning first place in parkour? Yeah.
Just sounds so shitty.

Speaker 1 This sport, this tag sport is 10 times the sport of handball. 10 times.

Speaker 1 What's the sport that's kind of like a combination of tag, but also you have to go across the other team's line and then make it back? Red Rover? No. Oh, no, capture.
Capture the flag? No, it's...

Speaker 1 Fuck, what is that called? Capture the flag? You have to, like, get. Steal the bacon? Yeah, steal the bacon.
That's what I'm thinking of. Steal the bacon would be actually electric.

Speaker 1 What about Hyde the Salami? Hide the Salami would also be electric. Actually, you know what? That's just docking.
Fucking bad. I've ever played Gaga.
Fucking should be in the Olympics. Or soaking.

Speaker 1 What? Gaga? Gaga? No. It's fun.
It's like dollar ball where you hit your hand and if it hits your leg, you're out and you're in a little square.

Speaker 1 It's a sleep away camp game. I think that fucking should be an Olympic sport.
Prove me wrong. What nationality do you think would have the best fuckers?

Speaker 1 France? France.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't know.
Athletic sex? I don't know the answer to that question.

Speaker 1 I think you got to go France or Italy.

Speaker 1 No, that's, i feel like like one of those old school ussr countries too there was an old trojania or some yugoslavia there's an old trojan ad there's like an old trojan ad campaign where it was that concept sex olympics oh really yeah when you're like in middle school and you're like googling stuff on youtube because you're trying to see boobs that's what comes up how do you google something on youtube

Speaker 1 That's okay.

Speaker 1 It was fine. You're doing a great job.
I actually think, hang on,

Speaker 1 I think we figured out the podium. I think it's Brazil and gold, and then probably Italy, silver, and then France, bronze.
Too much hair in France. Hank, guys on chicks.

Speaker 1 Sup, guys, especially dog dad of the century PFT.

Speaker 1 I need a lot of help on this one because I haven't looked at my boyfriend or our dog the same since hearing this. Oh.
My boyfriend and his friends love to reminisce on their glory days in high school.

Speaker 1 This is a typical occurrence, which are just them saying they'd go D1 if it wasn't for that one injury, etc. Billy can probably relate.

Speaker 1 While we're smoking, Billy can't relate, and eating a plethora of snacks, my boyfriend's best friend brought up their first time smoking.

Speaker 1 To all our surprise, he tells us how my boyfriend got so high, he spread peanut butter on his balls and had his dog lip them off.

Speaker 1 My boyfriend didn't deny it and actually found it enjoyable.

Speaker 1 I know this because I have done the same thing as the dog did to him.

Speaker 1 I am mortified. She loves peanut butter.
How would you suggest I move move forward with being somewhat Eskimo sisters with my boyfriend's dog? That sounds. This whole thing sounds made up to me.

Speaker 1 Billy, do you have anything to do with that? Rescue the dog.

Speaker 1 Just get the dog out of there. Both.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All the ASPCs.
You know what? It could be like a Thelm and Louise situation. You just drive over and pick the dog up, and you guys just leave town together.

Speaker 1 I'd like to opt out of this conversation. That's gross.
All right. Well, here's one maybe that's comfortable with it.
Here's one that's more up your alley, big cat. Sup, Big Cat PFT, and Honk.

Speaker 1 What are the rules for hooking up with a dude with man boobs? Oh, some

Speaker 1 guys like nipple play, but I feel like if you do that to someone with actual tits, they might get embarrassed. Don't hang up and listen.
Thanks.

Speaker 1 Don't. Are they sad? I actually was thinking about it.

Speaker 1 How funny it would be if

Speaker 1 I got breast reduction.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 it would be over. I don't think it'd be, I think it'd be less funny.
No, it would be funny

Speaker 1 to

Speaker 1 be like, I need breast reduction. That's like me saying, like, how funny, guys, do you think it would be if I got shin implants and went up to 6'2 ⁇ ? That'd be pretty hilarious.

Speaker 1 I think it's funnier if you're shoved.

Speaker 1 But you're short. I don't.
I mean, my breasts, I have no problem with them. You have a problem with your shortness.
No, I don't have a problem with my shortness.

Speaker 1 It's a problem.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking about

Speaker 1 it. No, it would be a joke.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 A mastectomy would be fucking if I got my tits cut off? Just like how would that not be funny? Like me wearing the shoes as a joke, too. Right.
Where are they today?

Speaker 1 I don't wear them every day.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 I don't wear them every day. I feel like this is the first thing you have to do.
I'm confident in myself.

Speaker 1 Let me see those shoes. Are those special? These are running shoes.
Let me see them.

Speaker 1 You can see they're running shoes. There we go.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Next.

Speaker 1 Hi, I have a guys on chicks question.

Speaker 1 So, my boyfriend and I were having sex and he started sucking on my ear when somehow he ended up swallowing one of my earrings, my favorite pair that my mom gave to me. I can actually believe this.

Speaker 1 Is it wrong that I'm considering wearing after he shits it off? Oh, no. Yeah, you can.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, clean it up.
I don't think it is going to,

Speaker 1 like, I don't think it's going to come out solo. Like, you're going to have to, like,

Speaker 1 mine it out of the shit. Correct.
Yeah. Yes.
You'll have to get a metal detector. Well, he's got to do that.

Speaker 1 He's got to start shitting on a paper plate and going to work on it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's his fault. I'm kind of curious, like,

Speaker 1 the makeup of this. Does he have teeth? How was he able to, like, accidentally suck out an earring? I would imagine he was probably drunk.
I feel like you could do that if you're drunk enough. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You just kind of forget that you're sucking on an ear and then it's boom earring.

Speaker 1 Hey, just check under your bed. Here's a callback, and it's a compliment to Billy.
Hello, PMT. I formally wrote in asking how to attract people like Big Cat and not like Billy.

Speaker 1 However, I realize I may be biased because Billy is younger than me. And after reading his blog today about boxing Jake Paul, that was hilariously ridiculous.
I want to let him know he's a catch.

Speaker 1 You guys are gaslighting me. No, he's not.

Speaker 1 Billy, you are

Speaker 1 fuck enough to make up guys on chicks. Billy, I have it right here.
It is real.

Speaker 1 Jake. Editing a trace makes for real.

Speaker 1 Billy.

Speaker 1 It's fine. Billy.
It's fine. Billy, I'm going to say two things.
One, I love you. You know that.
Two,

Speaker 1 other people love you. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I don't know who, but someone else out there has to love you.

Speaker 1 Notice Hank and PFT aren't speaking up. The cat speaks for all of us.
Can we get the next question? We don't have to.

Speaker 1 Billy, I think. You know what? Can we just get the next question? Why are we dwelling on this? You're a great friend.
You're going to make somebody else so happy someday. You're a nice guy.

Speaker 1 You're a really nice guy. You're just going to make, you're going to be a great friend to someone else.

Speaker 1 Trace McSorley. Oh, God.
Oh, geez.

Speaker 1 Billy,

Speaker 1 you're trying to make Fetch happen.

Speaker 1 Hey, PMT, you guys, you should figure out what...

Speaker 1 Hey, PMT, I met this guy that I'm currently talking to around three and a half years ago at work. We became pretty good friends, and I started liking him right away.

Speaker 1 But he had a girlfriend, so his never went anywhere. We're both now recently single, but I think his breakup was a lot more recent than mine, and they dated for about three years.

Speaker 1 It doesn't feel like a rebound. We've been getting really close, and I'm really starting to like him.
How do I know if this is a rebound or if it could be something more?

Speaker 1 How soon is too soon to start getting serious with someone?

Speaker 1 I think you don't know that it's a rebound until afterwards. Yeah, that's a good point.
In the middle of a rebound, it just feels cool. Yeah, I agree with that.
That's a good take.

Speaker 1 You can't be like, oh, this feels... Because even if it on the surface of rebound, a rebound could end up being something bigger.
So it's really got to, it's got to almost go through.

Speaker 1 It's got an outlet pass. Well, it needs to go through, like, you need to, it needs to

Speaker 1 happen, and, and then you look back and you're like, shit, I was a rebounder. Yeah, so a rebound could always be just a putback dunk until you hit the ground.
Correct.

Speaker 1 So you haven't hit the ground just yet, so it's impossible to know how to score it.

Speaker 1 I also think that anybody that goes into a relationship right after getting out of one, saying like, this is going to be my rebound, that's just somebody that's trying too hard to have a rebound.

Speaker 1 It's not even going to end up being a rebound. Yeah, like, yo, bro, so this is just a rebound.
Don't worry about it. Yeah, don't worry.
I'm just going to hit it and quit it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, last one, a little bit of a sentimental one. Hey, Busters, boys, any advice for getting a tattoo, I won't regret.

Speaker 1 My brother, 25, recently passed away, and I want to pay tribute to him, but I know he would hate the idea of a cliche, my brother is dead, tattoo.

Speaker 1 P.S., y'all are awesome, especially Billy and PMT brighten my brother's life. He got me hooked a few years ago and it brightens mine too.
Rest easy, Kyle, and go Red Sox.

Speaker 1 Well, that's, I mean, that's kind of a serious question. Yeah, it is.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother, first of all. That sucks.

Speaker 1 One thing that I've seen done that is not bad is if you like have something that's handwritten from him and you want to take a word that he wrote and then get that word in his handwriting, like a love or something like that on your body.

Speaker 1 I think that that's a pretty cool thing to do sometimes. In all seriousness, I saw that in this kind of in the same vein.

Speaker 1 Um, if your brother ever drew a picture of you when he was a little kid and it was like a really bad picture and he wrote his name on it, uh, that tattoo, yeah.

Speaker 1 I also think when you're getting a tattoo for a family member, like you're never going to regret that. It's not like it's not like a dumb, like no, you have a Larry tattoo.

Speaker 1 I do regret that one. Oh, you do?

Speaker 1 I regret the placement of it. I actually, well, first, um, sorry for your size

Speaker 1 of it.

Speaker 1 Sorry for your loss.

Speaker 1 Also, I'll just say it for the rest of us. Can you just, if your brother's phone is still active, can you just make sure he's downloading the episodes still?

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. What? No, it's a good point.
I mean, he would have wanted that. Yeah, right? Like, that's kind of a nice thing.
That goes for everybody out there that has dealt with somebody.

Speaker 1 Just make sure that it's auto-download.

Speaker 1 Every now and then, you might have to go in and just be like, do you want to keep downloading? Yes. Right.

Speaker 1 Even if they were like a Bill Simmons fan, after they die, steal their phone and then unsubscribe from him, subscribe to us. Yes.
And two, I've been thinking about getting a tattoo. I really want one.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do. I think I'm too old.
No, you're not too old. You're not too old yet.

Speaker 1 One thing I would caution with what Billy said, though, if you do end up getting like a picture that he drew when he was like six years old, be prepared for a lot of awkward conversations.

Speaker 1 Be like, what the hell is that? Why is that? And then you having to be like, my dead brother drew it. And then them being like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
You should get a mustache tattoo. Ooh.

Speaker 1 That way when you shave it. No.

Speaker 1 My first tattoo is going to be a face tattoo. Dive right in.
No, I just, I think I'm too old, but I do want a couple tats.

Speaker 1 What about the dolphin on the small of your back? Or angel wings.

Speaker 1 A tram stamp. That would be sick.

Speaker 1 If your brother had a sense of humor, which he listened to this show, so I assume he did,

Speaker 1 you should just get a skull emoji and then your brother's name. That would be cool, too.

Speaker 1 Because like, that's not lame. It's not cliche.

Speaker 1 People are like, what's the skull emoji for? Like, my brother, he's dead. Thoughts and stuff.
And then you can be like, thanks for asking, asshole.

Speaker 1 That's a like you basically have eliminated small talk for the rest of your life. That's a beautiful thing.
So, all right, we got the song. We got the song.
Wednesday Afternoon Football. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a PMT song featuring Frank the Tank

Speaker 1 and Coach Douglas. Yes.
All right, let's do a number and then we will play the song. Great song.
Here we go. We're going 8.
18.

Speaker 1 69.

Speaker 1 I'll go

Speaker 1 43.

Speaker 1 39.

Speaker 1 Wien has 33. Whiptail lizards are all girls and reproduced without dudes.
64. Nice.

Speaker 1 No dudes. 64.
64. We're never going to get it.

Speaker 1 How is this possible? Have you guys taken 69 out of 10? Can someone do the math, Jake? Makes no sense. We should have hit by.
We have a 6% chance in here because it's 1% each.

Speaker 1 No, but that doesn't feel the right.

Speaker 1 Why does that feel right? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, Wednesday afternoon.

Speaker 1 Thanksgiving night wasn't a fight.

Speaker 4 Everybody got the COVID.

Speaker 1 It was quite a sign. Sunday was a no-go.
Everyone at Coco.

Speaker 1 Tuesday, we're in slow-mo. Now it's time for the show.
AFC North, there's no love lost. Wendy can get together record.
Book and talk. And twins.
It's Wednesday afternoon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know what that means.

Speaker 1 Tell your boss to shove it, but football's on the screen.

Speaker 1 Hump day, hump day. What a day for football.
Humpty, hum day, let's watch football.

Speaker 1 Humpty, hump day, what a day for football.

Speaker 1 Wednesday afternoon means it's time to watch some football.

Speaker 1 The night the lights of the tree get lit.

Speaker 1 We had it for the football game, so it couldn't fit. That's why we're kicking off at 3:40.

Speaker 1 Ravens and Steelers on mighty means. Oh! And it'd be much better when these two cheese getters.
They need each other's guts. That's quite nuts.