Pro Golfer Max Homa, Masters, Big Ben, And MNF

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have future Masters champion, Max Homa. Awesome, awesome interview with him.
He is getting ready to play in his first Masters. We talked to him about Augusta, about golf etiquette, what it's like to be a pro we officially officially have a second golfer that this podcast is rooting for in max so it's brooks one the course two the course no let's make the course three let's say if brooks or max can win we will take that and then the course can beat everyone else okay so max is officially in the circle of trust.
Awesome interview. We also have some wrap-up of Monday Night Football.
Big Ben has every injury in the world. Tony La Russa, he's addicted to DUIs.
A legend. He's addicted to DUIs.
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Okay, let's go. a lot of work to be done.
No place to hang a lot of washing. And then I can't lay all on the sun.
Oh, no. We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
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Today is Wednesday, November 11th.

Thank you for your service.

Thank you, guys.

Appreciate it.

Appreciate it.

It's Veterans Day.

11-11. Didn't think I was going to do that.
11-11. That's when they stopped World War I, right? Yeah, all quiet on the Western front.
That was big. I read that book.
Straight up. Read it.
My fun fact about World War I is at one point on Christmas, they stopped shooting at each other and played soccer. Yeah, and exchanged loaves.
I feel like the 1900 to 1940, everything was baked in loaf. Yeah.
You're just like, here's a loaf. It's a lot easier if it's a soup or if it's in a loaf.
Yeah, like, what are we having for dinner? We're having a loaf. Yeah.
Of something. Do you think back in World War I, when they did that little armistice and played soccer, they were like, this isn't what was back in my day.
Back in my day, we didn't shake hands with the other team.

We didn't have a banana boat soccer game.

Yeah, they were flopping left and right.

All right, so, yeah, that was a little detour to start the show.

We got a lot to get to.

We have an awesome, awesome interview.

Highly, highly recommend this interview.

Max Homa, who is in Augusta, about to play in his first Masters,

and he is now officially part of our golf crew. We have just two guys we're rooting for.
It's him and Brooks. That's it.
No one else. Ricky.
No. Yeah, we like Ricky.
He was on the show. But we're not rooting for him.
I'm rooting for Ricky. Okay.
He's in my top three. You're also not rooting for Brooks.
I bet on Brooks this morning. I hate everybody that comes on the show.
I said, no, that's why I root for Ricky. You guys give him no love.
Give him no love as a guest of the show. Ricky had a cameo on our show four years ago.
We like Ricky, but he appeared for maybe five minutes on Part of My Take. And you're rooting for him over the guy we just interviewed and our good friend Brooks.
I said today. Max, Brooks, Ricky.
But Ricky's in the conversation. Oh, Max ahead of Brooks.
Yeah. Wow.
I said today. I know Max better.
I said today Brooks will call in with his green jacket on on Sunday night and Hank his eyes almost fell out of his head. That's how hard he rolled his eyes.
They're like I had to go pick scoop up his eyeballs and put them back in his skull. Stop the count.
That's fine. He's like oh he's injured.
He's injured. Stop the right, let's clean up some football.
Hank, the Patriots. Playoff bound.
Playoff bound. Well, they expand the playoffs.
So it's, what, 16 teams in the playoffs this year? So Bears are back. They're not going to reseed, which I was kind of hoping that they would.
Yeah. But they decided not to.
I imagine that the four owners of NFC East teams were like, no, we'll expand, but we got to keep that home game. Wait, does that mean there would be no buy? Interesting.
You'd have to assume there wouldn't be because there's an even number of teams now. Or two buys.
Or two buys. Two buys.
I think it would probably be two buys, yeah. Okay, so that changes everything.
Because the one buy with seven teams is like, that's everything. I think the Chiefs are way better than the the steelers the chiefs now at this point looking through like i was trying to after after like a week of football and a sunday football usually on monday i kind of try to like do an assessment you know tell the truth monday and i've come to the conclusion that it's the chiefs and everyone else like every other team and unfortunately i love theers, but every other team has at least one flaw where you're like, I don't know, I don't really trust this.
And then the Chiefs don't. Yeah.
So, yeah, the Chiefs and everyone else. But, Hank, back to your Patriots.
Won the game. Joe Flacco ripped that ass apart.
He was elite last night. Joe Flacco and Frank Gore were just young.
Including his interception, which was also very Joe Flacco-esque. Perfect spiral, just too deep.
Like, almost throwing it to the defender. I actually think that Joe Flacco played so well on a national time slot that he might get...
He's going to get a contract from somewhere. Like, John Elway might just black out and forget that he already brought him in a year ago and bring him back in for $30 million.
I did make that joke in the first quarter. I was like,

Joe Flacco, if he throws one more touchdown,

Ryan Pace will absolutely sign him.

Yeah, so if I were to just handicap it,

I'd say the Bears would probably be a top

three team that would go for Joe Flacco right now.

So Hank,

your Patriots, are they

bad or are they

good?

Tough question.

They're good. The Patriots are good.
They should have beat the Bills. They should have beat the Seahawks.
They could have beat the Chiefs. Cam Newton was out with Corona, and they still almost won that game, kind of.
I think they're going to go on a run. You think they should have beat the Bills? I think they're going to beat the Ravens.
I think they're going to beat the Ravens. And then everyone's going to flip.
You guys are going to be on the show. Well, you know, on this show, they have a good defense, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm just going to be sitting here like I said this the whole time. When you say things like they're going to beat the Ravens, do you just say that because it gives you that hit of dopamine right afterwards where you're like, yeah, man, that's going to feel good if that happens? Or do you say that because you actually believe it? I actually believe it.
If Stephon Gilmore comes back, I mean, that defense looked bad last night. Joe Flacco did have his way.
Also, Cam Newton's in the spot where it's either a completion or he gets – He throws weird. He throws weird, and he also – we've joked about Carson Wentz, like, sticking in the pocket until he's basically being sacked.
Cam Newton, he can – he'll have, like – there's no blind side. Everything's a blind side for him.
He had that one time where a guy came right in his face and he just no pocket presence whatsoever. But he did make enough plays, and you have Brandon Whedon as a kicker, who Nick Folk looks exactly like Brandon Whedon, and the Patriots.
That would have been embarrassing to lose to the Jets. Look, the rest of the year, Belichick will always get that respect where you're like, yeah, maybe they could do it.
Maybe they could put a run together. My brain started going right into the Galaxy Brain memes.
I was like, big brain, Flacco is so good that the Jets are going to win tonight. Then it was like slightly bigger brain shooting the lasers out.
Flacco is going to lose but look really good so the Jets can get Trevor Lawrence. And then the Galaxy Brain was Belichick is going to beat the Jets and humiliate them at the last second so that Trevor Lawrence is more likely to turn down being drafted by the Jets.
And that's how they're going to keep him out of the division. There was a lot of that going on last night.
Field Gates tweeted out a Photoshop of Trevor Lawrence in a Jacksonville Jaguars jersey, which I like to imagine Field sitting at home on his computer making his own Photoshop during the game and then firing it off. And just crushing it.
I absolutely nailed this. I did have the thought when the Patriots were down like 10 in the fourth quarter, maybe it was the fourth quarter, if they had lost that game and the Jets had a win and then you get to week 17, let's say the Jaguars get a win or two more.
So it came down to it. In week 17, the loser of that game gets Trevor Lawrence.
Would it work that Bill Belichick, being the greatest coach of all time, means he can also be the greatest tanker of all time in a game? Like, would he be able to out-coach himself to the point of losing, no matter what? Well, there were a couple instances. These are very stupid thoughts you have when you watch an 0-18 play a 2-5 team on a minute football.
I think just using Adam Gase's pure brain, that is the ultimate tank. I don't think you can even out-tank him if you're trying to out-tank him.
No, but see, I think Belichick could. No, because Gase will do something like put 12 guys on the field by accident.
Yeah, but then we would look back and they would do NFL films on Belichick's Week 17 game against the Jets and how he – you know how the big Belichick thing is he always takes away your best option, which is easier said than done. He was able to unleash their best option.
Yeah. Greg Gore ran for 300 yards.
It's like the reverse Mo Lewis when Mo Lewis knocked Drew Bledsoe out. Right.
And then they lucked into Tom Brady. This could be the start of another entire series of championship DVDs.
So a decent game. It was exciting.
It doesn't really have big-time ramifications other than the Jets continue to lose. I do think the Jets are in a weird spot now where they put together a couple games, even the first half against the Chiefs, and then the Bills game where they only lost by eight.
The Jets don't feel like an 0-16 team. No, they're going to win a game.
They feel like you can tell when you see an 0-16 team and you're like, there's just no chance. The Jets feel just a little bit, literally one game better than 0-16.
The Jets very much could have won that game. There were a couple passes, Flacco hit Perriman in stride on one.
They look good enough to be a competitive team. They looked like, I don't know, 4-12 team last night, which is...
Eh, that's a lot.

They looked...

Last night, if they played the way that they played on Monday night,

throughout every other game this season, they would go 4-12.

Now they only have, what, six games left?

Seven games left?

They're 0-9.

0-9.

Seven games left.

So they're going to win...

They're going to win...

Well, everything's tough when you're 0-9.

One game.

They're going to win a game.

Bold prediction.

First Browns, Week 16.

that I can do. Seven games left.
They're going to win. It's pretty tough.
They're going to win. Well, everything's tough when you're 09.

One game.

They're going to win a game.

Bold prediction.

First Browns, Week 16.

That could easily be a win.

Yeah.

Chargers this week.

Chargers have been.

Oh, the Chargers.

Yeah. It is weird looking at the schedule and having to.

Losing to the Jets would be the ultimate.

That's like the feather in the cap of Chargers' heartbreaking losses.

Yeah.

It's weird looking at an NFL schedule now and having to retrain your brain that the Dolphins aren't bad. Yeah.
Because you see it and you're like, oh, that's a win. You're like, wait, no, it's not anymore.
The Dolphins are actually good. All right.
Other NFL news. Big Ben has – he doesn't have the cocoa.
He has every injury in the world. So we've had quite the Big Ben week.
His walking boot came back out on Sunday. And then he had Ian Rapport tweeted yesterday, Ben Roethlisberger sustained injuries to both knees on Sunday.
But after tests today, there is cautious optimism that he'll be healthy enough to play versus the Bengals. While both knees got trapped, his feet not being stuck in the turf saved him from major injury.
I don't know how he tweeted this with a straight face because it's it's he's almost telling on himself like he's not hurt not at all saying that he's hurt both knees and like we broke down the film on on sunday night show like it was his right knee that got hurt right and then he started grabbing his left knee and then big ben probably went back watched that play over i like to imagine that if big Ben ever takes a hard hit, when he's doing film study, he just watches those on replay. And then he convinces himself like, yeah, he does like a pro football doc on himself.
Right. And he's like, yeah, you see how my right knee got caught under there? That might be a strained MCL.
My left leg, that's a PCL, I'm pretty sure. So'm gonna get a a precautionary mri just to be safe

and he is big ben event essentially now is uh like uh an elementary school kid who just wants to go home for the day because so he's got two knees and then he was put in the the the covid protocol and everyone's like uh-oh big ben's got the cocoa well no we got a clarification Adam Schefter tweeted,

To be clear, Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger has tested negative

and was placed on the reserve covid list for close contacts per source so ben he really is just throwing as many things at the wall to to be like the ben warrior thing oh yeah he's like oh i'll put me in the protocol my knees hurt my ass My ass hurts. My head hurts.
He's a hypochondria. I want to go home.
Is that what it is? Let me go home. Yeah.
Yeah. He's web QB.
He just spends all his time looking up his symptoms online. He put himself on the COVID list because he probably watched the news and saw the infection rate.
He's like, wow, I better be safe. Yes.
Yeah. This coronavirus thing is serious.
Wait, I live in the United States, and this is our infection rate?

I better go on the list.

Yeah, so it's been a hilarious – I mean, he's going to play.

He'll probably play well because that's Ben.

He also had a great quote after the game.

I can't believe we didn't talk about this, but he said,

the Cowboys might be America's team, but the Steelers are the world's team.

Nice.

Because he saw the terrible towels in the fan.

What about the Galaxy?

He's a globalist. Ben is a globalist for universal health care, probably.
Galaxy team? Galaxy team? Notre Dame. That's universe.
Universe? Galaxy. Raiders.
Black hole. Yankees.
The black hole at the center of the galaxy. Yeah, that's it.
All right, and then the last thing we had before we got to Hot Seat Cool Throne

is Tony La Russa is addicted to driving drunk.

He's addicted to it.

He's addicted to driving drunk.

So let's not make fun of him.

No, we won't make fun of him, but he drove drunk.

White Sox are getting dragged right now, which they should

because Jerry Rinesworth's a fucking idiot.

And so they hired him.

I think it's a special assistant

back in February, a day after he

got his second DUI.

And the hiring itself has

been chastised. Then this came out.

I'm just, I'm not

going to take any like

schadenfreude at this, but I

will just state that I remember

when White Sox fans made fun of

Joe Maddon for being quirky and having like a petting zoo at Wrigley and your manager is addicted to DUIs. Was he drunk when he signed the contract? I don't know what I mean.
Because if they hired him the day after. No, probably unless he signed it behind the wheel of a car.
Yeah. Because that's a good point.
That's the only time he drinks. Yeah, if he did an electronic signature on it, then that might be an issue.
So it's a second DUI. The first one, by the way, remember, he fell asleep at a stoplight and the cops had to wake him up.
So that's safe. He wasn't driving.
He was parked while in Toxicated, the old Jim Irsay. But the quote of him to the police officer was very funny.
He said, I had one glass of wine while at dinner with my friends. And then he asked the police officer, do you see my ring? to the police officer was very funny he said i had one glass of wine while at dinner with my friends and then he asked the police officer do you see my ring and the police officer asked la russo what he's talking about he said i'm a hall of famer baseball person i'm legit i'm a hall of famer brother you're trying to embarrass me you're trying to embarrass me with that dui thing i'm a hall of famer baseball person how could you possibly make me drink that wine and put me behind this steering wheel? Wait, I can't drive drunk.
I'm a baseball manager. Yeah, I'm a Hall of Famer, brother.
That's one of the job qualifications to be a manager of a baseball team is to have at least one DUI under your belt. And he's got two.
He had, the first one was in Jupiter, Florida. This one was in Scottsdale, Arizona.
I feel like that's where nine, between those two cities, that makes up 95% of drunk driving in America. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what the White Sox do.
Like I said, they were already getting kind of roasted for this hire to begin with, and then this comes out that they knew about this just incompetence, which I don't know, maybe White Sox, maybe they can get Jerry Reinsdorf to sell the Bulls and the White Sox combined. Maybe that's what we need all the MLB owners to push him out.
Is it possible to get a DUI on the golf cart that you're driving out to the pitcher's mound? I mean, Tony LaRusso will try. Yeah.
He's addicted to them. It's crazy.
They should have. You're fucking crazy, man.
It's such a bad thing to do. Such a horrible thing, and he's addicted to it.
The seventh inning stretch should be, you know how in Atlanta they have the freeze that you have to race around the outfield? They should have the freeze and then Tony La Russa in a golf cart driving along the warning track and see who can beat each other. You've got to chug the beer first.
Oh, he's drunk, yeah. You've got to chug and then drive.
It's a very intoxicated Tony La Russa. God damn.
Maybe he didn't have pink eye that one time. Maybe he was just hammered.
Yeah, I mean, he's got the look of a guy. He just has a DUI look now.
He's a DUI guy. Yeah, I mean, it's part of his, like, I think that's probably like his hobbies are baseball and DUIs.
That's pretty much it at this point. All right, should we do Hot Seat Cool Throne before we do that Black Ops Cold War is back Call of Duty Black Ops Cold War when is this out is this out now? hell yes the iconic Black Ops series is back for an all new next generation experience with Call of Duty Black Ops Cold War the direct sequel to the original and fan favorite Call of Duty Black Ops.
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All right, Hank, hot seat, cool throw. My hot seat, I have a few.
First one is the 76ers. They released the ugliest, probably the worst jersey reveal of all time in the NBA yesterday.
They had new city-themed jerseys that are just disgusting. They got roasted all over the place.
Yeah. So they're on the hot seat.
I saw also the Magic ones. They have oranges.
Yeah, but they're going to do orange pinstripes in homage to their old pinstripes, which I think is dumb. I don't mind the Philadelphia uniform.
That's not bad. It's got houses on it.
That says anything you need to know. Go fuck yourself, Hank.
Go fuck yourself, just because they don't have pinstripes on. No surprise that Hank is creaming himself over the jerseys that have vertical stripes on them.
No, PFT, these are objectively ugly uniforms. They're like, what are the houses on them? They're houses.
They're row houses. That's Philly, baby.
I understand that, but that's a terrible looking uniform. It's gross.
Could be worse. I don't know.
Maybe not. I think they made it as bad as possible.
My other hot seat, although I have a feeling this is what they wanted but Esquire UK put up a tweet today it was like a trending topic and I think it was sponsored because that's the only reason it would have been up there but it said what to watch while you wait for Peaky Blinders season 6 so I was like oh shit Peaky Blinders season 6 coming out lit then I clicked it and it said the hit series won't be back on screens until 2022 I saw that i had the exact same reaction that's insane fuck them and there's only like six episodes every time that's like when they announced notre dame georgia in 2032 right i don't i'm not gonna be alive then right no one is so long what to watch while you wait for you have to watch like a million shows yeah right what to watch while you wait for it 5 000 hours of television you know what they should just re-record the first several seasons of Peaky Blinders just with American actors or overdub them we'd like just have Morgan Freeman do every voice so I can understand what they're saying yeah what it should be what to watch for actually Jake do this math for us and tweet this out tomorrow what to watch for before Peaky Blinders in 2022 how many times could you watch Peaky Blinders all the seasons if you watch two a night until 2022? Probably like, yeah, right. Just keep watching it.
Peaky fucking lies. And then my cool throne is internet bullying.
So the AP Top 25 came out college basketball. Yes.
Houston fans were so mad that they didn't get put in the Top 25 that they bullied John Feinstein into giving up his vote in the college group's AP top 25. I love it.
They stopped his voting? I love it. This has got to be a nightmare for someone like Jake Marsh.
Congratulations Houston fans you were the last straw. While I 100% believe the AP should be published each voter's ballot every week, I've decided after voting for 23 years I no longer need the kind of abuse directed at me over a basketball.
understand you aren't by any We all know the polls are fake anyways. But Jake, do you want to just say?

Well, I will say this guy is a broadcaster for UMBC basketball.

Oh.

No hard feelings.

Vermont's rival.

Oh.

Okay.

Wait.

UMBC, they're Vermont's rival?

One of them.

I would say they're probably UVA's rival, right?

True.

First and foremost.

First and foremost.

Can we get you to get that vote? Is there a spot? That would be awesome. That's what I'm saying.
Let's get it. Would you accept it? Of course.
We will heckle the shit out of you. There will be a lot of abuse that comes with Jake.
You think John Feinstein got something bad? We will fuck you up. What's your top ten right now? I gotta do research tonight.
No. Off the top of your head, go.
Vermont. Oh, my God.

Oh, boo.

Unbiased my ass.

Exactly.

Tune in.

Jake actually is hosting a college basketball podcast.

Benchmop.

I'm still benchmop.

Yes.

Yes. There we go.

It would have been nice for you to promote it, Hank.

It would have been nice for you to promote Jake's project.

Tune in.

There we go. I retweeted it.
Oh, nice. Very nice.
Thank cheeks here we go I retweeted it oh nice the passive promotion I liked your tweet yeah I had another one well you kind of talked about it earlier with the Call of Duty but I don't know why but all Playstation and Xbox release new consoles on the same day and there's like 10 new consoles are on the consoles. Consoles are the cool thing.
I like that. PS5,

Xbox S, Xbox X. Console War.

Mike Welker, our t-shirt guy called me and he was like

what's the difference between Xoxx and

Xbox X? I was like I have no idea.

One has a B in it. Right, I don't know.

Should I get one?

Do I need to get one? I can't get one.

No, you have a PC. A PC

does everything. I do.
I love it.

Best of this. Alright, PFT, what's yours? My hot seat is going to be Jesus because Jon Rahm hit a shot that walked on water at Augusta during his practice round today.
He skipped it three times, bounced up onto the green, rolled into the hole. That's like the first.
I know that there have been a couple guys that have done that at Augusta over the last 20 years. Vijay Singh did this.
But this was cooler. This was a better shot than Vijay Singh.
It just looked awesome. Vijay Singh is pretty cool.
I think Roms hit the water more times than Vijay Singh did. But it just looks impossible.
How is that possible? I found myself asking that very question. I'm staying woke on it.
I think that the Masters needs some more buzz around it because it's not being held at the traditional time. It's being held in November.
The Azaleas aren't in bloom. So I think that maybe there might be some monkey business afoot here.
Somebody who's better at the internet than me, look at the footage and tell me if you think that it's doctored at all. That's all I'm saying.
Stay focused on that. I'm watching Vijay Singh's right now.
Vijay Singh actually hit the water more. It's just that we didn't have a better angle.
Okay. It was an incredible shot.
I think they do this every year, right?

They try to skip it across.

But it was fucking cool.

It reminded me of the old Powerade commercials.

Yes.

When they would do...

Which were fake, I think.

But we thought were real for a while.

They might have been real.

Michael Vick might have thrown that ball out of the stadium.

LeBron, like, yeah.

Was that real?

I think it was.

I think LeBron was. Yeah.
Really? Yeah. My other hot seat is tits.
Tits are on the hot seat. The bird, the bird tits are going extinct because larvae are hatching before the tits' eggs hatch.
And so then the newborn tits don't have enough worms to eat. So they're going extinct.
Fear not. It's the bird tits.
But I feel like we get stories like this three times a year of a new cute species that's going extinct. Bees were dying.
Now every cute little bird is dying. Billy's very concerned.
The great tit. The great tits.
The great tits. Drink too many IPAs.
My cool throne is Derek Carr because he's in the MVP race. Yeah.
Because his brother, David Carr, is voting for him for MVP. There we go.
He's the one person that gave Derek Carr a vote. And Russell Wilson doesn't get a vote.
Russell Wilson has every other vote, I think, except for his brother. That's so fucked up.
All right. My hot seat is Carson Wentz because we're still litigating this.
Carson Wentz, Nick Foles. Brett Favre has weighed in and officially said that the Eagles should have kept Nick Foles.
Okay, thank you. Thank you, Brett Favre.
Brett Favre. Did they pull him out of Iraq? How do you have this conversation now? Because Brett is down in Mississippi and so he had to mail a letter in.
Unbelievable. But yeah, it's funny.
You know how we talked about Josh Allen and Russell Wilson being the two biggest height differentials. Brett Favre and Nick Foles probably biggest dick differential of all time in the NFL.
Very true. Very true.
And then my cool throne was going to be the Bears because they're just going to keep letting everyone into the playoffs. I actually think they might just do that.
Just have everyone make the playoffs. That would be fun.
Right? If we just had a 32 team tournament. You're the good luck Chuck of the NFL.
Let's just do it. Let's start the playoffs in the middle of December.
Every team makes it. You wouldn't want to see the Jets play the Chiefs? Yeah, right.
Let's fucking do it. Have everyone make it, and then we'll go from there.
You are going to make the playoffs, though. Probably not.
That 8th spot. The Vikings are favorite.
Kyle Slaughter. Yeah.
Kyle Slaughter who, yeah. I mean, sure.
Best preseason quarterback of all time. Yes.
Preseason. Preseason.
Preseason. Billy.
My hot seat is McDonald's. They're releasing a McPlant and everyone's kind of mad that their newest product is a vegetarian alternative.
Yeah. Fuck yeah.
You pissed? Like, what the fuck? What the fuck? Mick, what the fuck?

Anyway.

What do you got?

Nice.

Vegetarian, Billy.

Never trust a man made of plant proteins.

Said that once.

That's pretty good.

And my cool throne is the Wizenator.

Mike Tyson is on record saying that he used his baby's piss in a fake dick and was talking

about the Wizenator to pass drug tests. That's next level.
Using your baby's piss in a fake dick uh and was talking about the wizinator which uh to pass drug tests that's next level using your baby's piss is there something that shows up in a screening that's like hey this piss belongs to like a nine-year-old like hey mike it looks like you could use a little bit more milk tested positive for formula uh-huh hey hey mike are you teething right now what's going on here you got oh it turns out you have colic yeah mike ontario smith made the wizinator famous yeah the wizard in the day uh all right let's get to our interview we got a great great interview coming up with max homo have you ever had a friend real quick have you ever had a friend who is like taking drug tests and he's going around asking everybody for clean piss no it's a very interesting situation interesting situation to be in. Yeah, Hank has, definitely.
I don't know if anyone's asking me specifically for piss. Well, my piss, I don't think my, my piss has been hot for 20 years now.
I had a friend who passed, he was like, you know, he smoked all the time, and he failed a drug test one day, chugged, he just chugged like two gallons of water and passed it the next day. I had a friend named Butt that used to ask everybody for their piss.
Like casually, just like random acquaintances that you bring over to his house. He was like very forward.
He would actually get someone's piss and then store it himself and then microwave it before he was about to get piss tested. He had a whole operation going.
He's in jail. I have a funny story.
So everyone's a piss jug guy in college because of dorms and whatnot walking to the bathroom.

And basically there was a clean piss guy who always had jugs of piss.

So people would just go to his dorm and just take some from his jug.

Clean piss guy.

Did he sell it?

No, he just had a bunch of piss jugs around because everyone just pisses in jugs in college. Did he know that people were taking his piss? Or were people sneaking into his room to steal his piss?

Someone asked him once, can I have piss?

And he was like, yeah, I got a ton in my room.

Not more than enough.

Help me clean up my piss jugs.

One week old, two week old.

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of guys like that.

Yeah.

Maybe we need to start doing that.

Jake.

Piss jugs are a thing.

Jake would be our piss guy.

Jake's piss.

Well, I piss a lot because I drink so much water. Right.
Like a lot. And small bladder.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm looking at you and I'm seeing dollar signs right now. In terms of like the hot piss in this room, I'd say most of us have hot piss, but you might be the one who gives us your piss.
If you need me to piss, I'll piss. All right.
What'd you do as a piss dog right now? Is piss a... Are you about to say piss? No, you can't.
I don't think you're supposed to say piss on radio. You can't.
No, you can't. No, you can't say it on radio.
Piss it. You can't say bodily functions like that, Jake.
You have to say urinate. Will you be swearing on your new podcast? Absolutely not.
Damn. But you should say...
That gets like a certain number of downloads,

you'll say all the swears.

Oh.

Old marketing trick.

Yeah.

Like when you tell everyone that you're going to get a cat

and everyone's like, cool.

If 200,000 contest entries on Thursday,

Big Cat vs. Rank the Tank, I'll get a cat.

You know what would be great?

Jake, if you get enough subscribers, like week one,

you should be like,

I'll read the George Carlin seven words you can't say on television. Verbatim.
Yes. And you're just quoting.
I can't. Do you know what a piss dog is? No.
Oh. Billy, do piss dogs right now.
Show them. Do it.
Do it. Piss dogs.
Do it, Billy. Oh, wow.
Good job, Billy. Billy three years ago would have done that no question I just got somewhere to go after this oh really you got a date no I gotta go pick up my grandma's cat are you gonna ever get the title I don't want to head to the barn that poor cat I'm cat sitting oh by the way I was trying to interview Billy I said it on the broadcast yesterday and he told me to call him back later on sunday because his chickens were on the loose yeah i mean i just sniffed i just collecting all the animals i've sort of hoarded i'm just i'm kind of hoarding yeah kiwi herman's big adventure when he rescues the animal store when it was on fire did you guys see it yes that's what i picture billy i forgot to snip their wings billy i'm curious what is your plan of action going to be for bringing your grandma's cat around all your chickens?

And dog.

Yeah.

I know this cat.

It's one of the barn kittens, if people remember.

Right.

So it's going to kill the chickens.

It knows everybody.

Oh, it knows everyone?

Yeah.

Is it Carole Baskin?

It is actually Carole Baskin.

That's the name of the cat?

Yeah.

When I rescued the barn kittens, I named them after Tiger King. Oh, so you know.
Oh, okay. These are the kittens that you tried to get.
What was the disease you tried to get? Toxoplasmosis. Yeah.
Okay, got it. So it's kind of a homecoming.
Yeah, we should do an I'm coming home video for him. All right, before we get to Max, PFT, I saw you wearing a nice shirt yesterday.
What was that? Did you really see me wearing a nice shirt? You're actually wearing it right now underneath your sweater. I'm wearing an amazing shirt right now it's uh it's from roback our good friends at roback this is actually the azaleas polo that they're selling right now they've got azaleas quarter zips i love roback stuff uh they're always the highest quality they're cool they make wearing polo shirts cool it's really the only college shirt that i'm wearing if i'm wearing college shirt it is from Roback.
And the guys over at Roback have been sending us their performance polos, their quarter zip pullovers, and their hats for a while. We're in love with their stuff.
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You're going to see us rocking a quarter zip or a hat with their dog logo, and you just kind of give them that subtle nod because you know they get it. It's like a Jeep wave

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Sometimes we rock their quarter zips

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I'm actually going raw dog on this

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And now, Max Homa. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.
It is Max Homa. He is a professional golfer.
He's playing in the Masters. His first Masters, correct? Your first Masters this weekend.
We're going to do a little Masters preview. Also talk to him about golf etiquette.
You probably follow him on Twitter because he's one of the funniest golfers on Twitter. That's a pretty low bar.
It is a low bar. So, Max, you for joining us.
Let's start with Masters. Have you been like awestruck yet? Are you give us the vibe of you rolling up? What the hell do they call that drive? Magnolia Lane.
Was it everything that you thought it would be? Yeah, we're not huge golf guys. Was it everything you thought it'd be and more? Yeah.
I try not to be the corny uh cliche golfer but it is uh the drive is kind of nuts you hear about this place uh since you're a kid and uh you turn off a very uh normal road into like the most special golf place there is and uh it kind of shocks you um definitely what I expected, if not more.

It's just kind of shocking, honestly.

Yeah.

Is this your first time actually playing at Augusta?

I know it's your first Masters, but have you played around there before?

No, I was supposed to go the day it closed because of COVID.

So that was cool.

Yeah.

I just remember the last time we were in Georgia.

I think it was when we were going to Bruce Arian's house.

Yeah.

We were driving through his neighborhood, and just every golf course that's in that area or general were in Georgia, I think it was when we were going to like Bruce Arians house. Yeah.
We're driving through his neighborhood and just every golf course that's in that area or general vicinity in Georgia kind of like has a master's type Augusta feel to it. Like the color of the grass, all the herbary.
Yeah. The herbary.
Yeah. The azaleas, all that stuff.
Have you, uh, have you played a lot of golf in like rural Georgia before? Do you know what the general feel of the landscape? Uh, yeah. Yeah.
General feel, yeah. I actually played Augusta Country Club, which is nice, but it is the whole Augusta National thing.
I guess the word national makes it like 100 times more important. And Augusta Country Club backs up to Augusta National, and you can kind of see it if you climb a fence, which I guess I kind of did.
I don't know if I'm supposed to say that, but I climbed a fence so I could see it. And it was raining where we were at Augusta Country Club, and it was brown and muddy like it should have been.
And I looked over at Augusta National, and it's like as green as you've ever seen grass. And I felt like there might be an actual bubble dome over the golf course, which they might be able to do, honestly.
So, yeah, I'm a little familiar with the herbery, with the foliage, but it's still a little more special in here. That's an actual grass is always greener situation.
You don't get that much. Literally.
Augusta is definitely, I mean, it's a bucket list for me. Everyone who I've ever talked to has been there says that it far exceeds.

It's rated very, very high, the highest, and it still exceeds that.

So it seems like it's just a magical place.

You obviously want to make the cut because you want to make the cut your competitor,

but is there a part of you that's like,

I want to make the cut because I want to play four rounds here?

Oh, 100%.

You just want to – I don't know if you get – I don't know if I'll be invited back just for fun. So you just want to be out here as long as you can.
It's kind of sad. I've played a lot of golf courses.
You want to look at it. Obviously, I want to win, and that's the goal.
But a small part of you just wants to just keep being allowed to drive up Magnolia Lane without being kicked out, you know? So it's like a very odd feeling.

Most golf courses I could call later and be like, hey,

you mind if I come back out and I'll lie about my name and then they'll let

me in.

And at that point they're not going to kick me out.

So it's like here, I think they'll figure it out.

So you just want to get to play four days just so you could say you played

Augusta for a whole week.

Can you, can you win?

Like, is that a, is that a mean question?

Can you win?

Can you win this? That's a great question. Yes.
Would be answer one. Yeah.
It's like literally and like technically I think I can. Oh yeah.
I mean, that's the goal. I I'd love to, somebody told me today that a rookie hasn't won a, or a first time hasn't won since 1979, so that was a nice spark of confidence from whoever asked that question.
But, yeah, I think I can. I'm playing well this week, so, yeah, I guess, you know, you never know.
Crazier things have happened. That's all I'm going to say.
And if you don't make the cut, heaven forbid we are rooting for you to make the cut, obviously, are you going to be allowed to watch the final two rounds, like as a spectator? That question uh i kind of thought of today and i just thought if you ask that question you might be like the weakest human ever yeah so uh i hope not to have to ask that question but i'm optimistic okay what's the food like there we've always heard about like you know the the dinner beforehand the champions dinner but like what's the food situation? Are they still making pimento cheeses for you guys or what?

Yeah. And they're free.

They're just like sitting on this wall in the locker room.

There's just like dozens of them.

And I'm sure there's hundreds more behind it.

I had a hamburger today.

It's pretty much like the most plain, normal looking hamburger.

And it was phenomenal.

I feel like,

I feel like it probably isn't as amazing as I think it is,

but you're there and all these people in like these white coats are giving it

Thank you. was phenomenal uh i feel like i feel like it probably isn't as amazing as i think it is but you're there and all these people in like these white coats are giving it to you and you just feel like it's like high high class you feel like you're at like a roost chris or something just balling out so i feel like it might kind of add to the taste what's uh what's the locker room like in you it could be masters or just on the tour like what uh are you friends with different guys on tour i'm always curious like do you do guys hang out together do they do they chit chat do they have a good time or is it just fierce competitor like no talking to anyone else i'm here to step on everyone's throat uh i think it's a lot like you know like an nba locker room just a lot of horsing around uh no i'm just playing it's uh it's definitely not like it's not like the locker room you know when people say like there's locker room talk i don't think golf's quite as cool as that uh there's not like a lot of a lot going on um some people are more talkative uh you know i've walked by tiger uh woods tiger i guess you can call him by oh yeah we didn't know who you were talking about which tiger i know you guys are golf guys but i wanted to discuss but yeah you like walk by him and some days he'll say hi and some days he's like locked in so you got guys like that uh your boy blake uh he's usually pretty you know focused and locked in and sometimes you know here i feel like i'm walking on eggshells in the locker room i don't know to do.
I don't know if there's a hat policy. So I like if I see a buddy of mine, I'll like nod and see if they'll be the first one to talk because I'm kind of scared to do anything wrong.
But in general, it's I pretty much just go in the locker room to get my shoes and then to put them on and then to leave. So I don't I don't spend too much time in there.
I try and get back out where I feel comfortable with a golf club in Miami. And how did they decide who's sitting next to who at which locker? Like, is there an area where it's, you know, like Tiger, Phil? You know, people have won before, that sort of thing? Or is it just like everyone makes up? Here there's an entirely other locker room for past champions.
I actually accidentally pulled into the champions' parking lot, and that was a mistake. mistake that was my very first encounter with anybody here and they very quickly sniffed out that i have not won here before uh which was impressive i know i look like i've won here before but i hadn't and um yeah so in the locker room we don't even have the past champions you feel like you're kind of you feel like you're just like annexed to literally like the office annex You feel like you're kind of in like that other room.
It's still sick, but you're definitely not amongst, you know, Tiger and Phil Mickelson. So my locker, I'm assuming, is just next to whoever comes the closest to Homa in the alphabet.
Yeah. So the big storyline for this Masters, and we'll ask you directly, is Bryson going to break the course? It feels like it, man.
I mean, we've been hearing about it. I'd never been here before, obviously.
And then I got here, and you start looking around and seeing what Bryson's going to do, where he's going to hit it. And I heard the stats of it yesterday are crazy.
He's a tank, man. He just hits it forever.
He's fat. You can say it.
He's fat. I mean, you know, the stats of it yesterday are crazy.
He's just a tank, man.

Like, he just hits it forever.

He's fat.

You can say it.

He's fat.

I mean, he's got a couple extra C's in the thick.

Yeah.

For sure.

No doubt.

But, yeah, I'm actually kind of intrigued to watch it because of any place you go to,

if you break this golf course, like, I think they might break you.

Like, they might.

You might go to that little, you know, little jail cell here and they might torture you or some waterboard you yes and they and they and they fix they obviously have have extended the golf course through the years so i think like if bryson does break it they'll just change everything to make it harder i'm uh we're not bryson fans uh i'm rooting for the course against bryson as bright we're brooks kapka fans through and through we're gonna we're gonna throw you into uh the fan group so we'll root for you as well thank you um so this is kind of a dumb question but like how hard is golf it's a great question um it's super hard really though like really um yeah like it is pretty hard. All right.
I was going to say, it doesn't seem that hard if you just had more time. I saw you guys play.
It looked pretty hard. The video Hank sent me.
Yeah. Yeah.
So can you rank our – so you do a hilarious thing on Twitter where you rate everyone. Because golf is so funny that – and this happens in every, where fans just sit on their couch and they're like, oh, I've done that.
You know, like I play JV. I know what to do.
Like I play golf every other weekend. I could do that.
And then you just rip people apart and show them how stupid they are for thinking that. I know golf is hard, but how did our swings look? We hadank show you the video of us playing with tony scheffler are any of us if we put a little more effort into it pro material um you hit it really straight in the video i saw hell yes yeah i did i wrote i wrote i wrote stuff down for notes just so i didn't forget about it big cat i wrote yours in like nfl combine type notes because I wanted you to know.
That's your language, right? I said you look surprisingly good in shorts, which I felt like that's kind of a big win. Yeah, but shorts on the golf course, though, isn't that a big no-no? Well, jeans.
You were wearing jeans, Hank. You were wearing jeans, Hank.
Hank, just give it a second. I've got to get to yours because if I'm ranking them, yours was third, which is last.
Oh, wow. That's devastating because Hank thought for sure you were going to say he was.
He literally pointed to himself when I asked. All right, so keep going.
Sorry, sorry. No, you're good.
Big Cat, you also look like you'd be the best at knowing where all the restrooms are or at least the best type of towel if there's an emergency in the bushes, in the herbury. Yep, yep.
Also, I don't know if this one's too mean. Oh, no.
No, go for it. Yeah, this one's a little mean.
I thought you hit it straighter than Cody Parkey kicked it. Oh, yeah.
That's good. That's good.
Never mind. That was.
Sorry, that was ugly. Cody Parkey, the ultimate pin seeker.
Yes. Yes.
Okay. PFT, you sent me your swing.
You sent me your swing once. And in this video, you did the same thing.
And I will applaud you. You look, after you hit you hit the ball you look up with so much optimism like it's going remotely near the hole i look straight ahead i'm like that's where it's and it always ends up like it usually goes like 90 degrees it didn't go an inch and you're looking up like it's flying over the mountains well to be fair i was hitting the ball out of the water like that's tough to do and i got it on my second try, which I feel like that's – at least I got it out of the pond.
You did. And I will give you the compliment that if you – I think you would be a better Happy Gilmore caddie because you putt it well with one shoe on.
That was really impressive. Nice.
Thank you. Okay, and last but very much least.
Hank – what did I write? Oh, Hank has the posture of a guy who's standing up for like the very first time. And I thought that if the wind blew a little too hard, he might fall over.
Because he doesn't have an ass. That's the problem.
If you had like a little more thickness in your base, he needs a little more price and thickness. The worst part about this, Max, is that PFT and I don't golf.
Like I, you know, I used to golf a little bit, but I don't golf. Hank actually thinks he's a golfer.
That's not true. I haven't golfed in four years.
You fall in love with golf every, like, summer, and you're like, oh, I love playing golf. The only reason Hank didn't play this summer on one of his many vacations was because all the courses were shut down.
Right. I'll say the cool part is I think you three all had better swings than anyone at foreplay.
Oh, there we go. That's huge.
That love it so that that is great though that you because it golf is the ultimate like oh i could do that i could i could do that if i if i just played a little bit more i know i couldn't do it but it is also one of those games where you know you have that one shot and you tell yourself man if i could just string those together how know, you went from the web.com, the illustrious web.com to the PGA. How, uh, like what was that process like trying to, trying to climb that mountain against so many, so many people and trying to get better like every single day? Yeah.
It, uh, I kind of had like the, I did the fast track when I first graduated college and it felt really easy. And then I, every year or so I like hit a road bump and went back down.
And, uh, it was one of those weird things where when I was on the web, I always felt like a big fish in a small pond. And then I'd feel like a really small fish in like the ocean, uh, when I made it to the PJ tour.
So it was more like, it's like doing a better job, not looking around and seeing like literally Tiger Woods, like next to you and thinking like, I got to go beat that guy. And for some reason in the first few years, you know, that like conquered me.
So the journey's tough, man. You know, obviously the players are really good, like any sport, but it's like, it's, it's the only sport, I guess, besides tennis, where you're kind of out there by yourself, you can't, you know, throw bad pitches and still somehow win the game.
Like you're just kind of kicked right in the mouth when you screw up. And when I would do that, it was like I would look around and think, you know, well, that guy has been doing this forever.
It must be, you know, he must think this is so easy. And finally getting out of your own way and just like playing golf.
That was the big thing for me because I think I proved at least in college in my first year that like I could do it but man I mean like I I uh I struggled with that for a while I never really felt like I belonged and then when you do feel like you belong if you're if your game's good I mean you do kind of it shows pretty quickly but um you know that that's a that's the thing about golf you come toa national for the masters and like, that's another hurdle to get over to show up here and think, you know, to your first question, which was a good question. Like, yeah, I can win.
Like you have to be able to tell yourself that it's very odd because as you know, like seven year old me can still like, remember watching tiger win the masters. And it's just like, it feels like a kind of like a fantasy being out out here but at the same time it's like kind of practicing doing that and screwing up in my first few years on tour of feeling like you should just have some confidence and like maybe a little bit of swagger although I'm lacking in that in general like you have to kind of fake it yeah so um when you were playing on the web tour I think I read that you made – in 2017 in the PGA Tour season, you made $18,000.
You had made a little bit of money before that. I think it was $18,008.
$18,008. And those eight really mattered at that point.
Yeah, that's an extra value meal. And then you won at the Wells Fargo, and you got $1.42 million for one win.

Now, a lot of times we talk about the difference between finishing second and third at some of these tournaments when you've got Phil lining up a 12-footer and it's going to cost

him $500,000 one way or another.

I have to imagine for a guy like that, it's probably something that you can overlook a

little bit and just think about making the putt.

But when $1.4 million is literally life-changing money for a guy like you, like how much is the money in your head when you're lining up that putt to win a tournament? That one wasn't as much for some odd reason. It's almost like when you're in 30th and you have a putt to get to 20th, you think about it more because it's like, you know, X amount of dollars.
And like, then it's like kind of a motivating factor when you're in like the thick of it and you're leading, you're thinking more about just like winning, which is probably because you're actually like in a better headspace, I guess, and like focused on the right things. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't set a alert on my phone when the direct deposit wouldn't hit.
And I would also be lying if I said I didn't shit my pants just a little bit when I saw it come in. Yeah.
I didn't know that the app went to two commas. So that was like, that was sweet.
That's sick. How long does it take for a direct deposit to hit after you win a tournament? I think it typically is two days, but that one took three and it felt like five.
I thought maybe they screwed up or I dreamt it. And then I was like getting kind of nervous.
I texted my agent. I was like, yo, does this like, is this still coming? Like, is this still legit? And he's like, yeah, it should be, you know? So I was like, you know, I'm kind of freaking out here.
I want to see what this looks like. Yeah.
I have a very important golf question for you. How long is your driver? Not 48 inches.
Okay. That was going be my follow-up.
What is, what is a 48 inch driver and why should I care? Uh, well, if you're not a Bryce DeChambeau fan, I guess you shouldn't care. You don't need to care.
Uh, 48 is like the max length. Um, you know, uh, four inches is always helpful.
Uh, as most men know. Um, so yeah, I don't know.
It's just a added way to hit it a little further i guess um i've never even tried a 48 inch driver but uh i would be lying if i said bryson's not making me like kind of consider it because he's hitting it over the damn moon um but at the same time i get no one had ever really done it before so i never even like crossed my mind Sounds like it's cheating. Mm-hmm.
I think it's cheating. You guys said it.
Yeah, it's cheating.

I don't know.

It's cheating i think it's cheating i'm gonna say it yeah it's cheating i'm i'm a i'm a third party so you know that's all you guys you as the fans can decide yeah all right we decided it's cheating how often is uh are you allowed to blame your caddy dude i can blame him like whenever i want really like every single like even if you like if you trip walking to the t-box you can be like what the fuck dude why didn't you tell me that was there yesterday yesterday i forgot a club behind six and i i asked him why he didn't remind me to pick up the club yeah okay so that's great so you can just blame your caddy now is there are there times like how contentious does it get when if if your caddy is like hey hit this shot and you're like no i really love this one who gets you get final say or do you are there times when he can really persuade you to do one uh you know take a different shot he uh he typically persuades me i've known my caddy since i was six he's like one of my best friends which kind of sucks because i can never like really get that mad at him because we end up like driving back to the hotel together right or whatever so like then it would be awkward and like his mom might call me and like yell at me for yelling at him so it's like the yelling chain of command but i have the final say technically but i do feel like he wins out a lot um i don't really know why Maybe I trust him a little too much. Maybe that's the issue.
But typically, I think we've narrowed it down in our six years together. I've gotten actually mad at him like three times.
And two of the times before I even got mad, right before I got mad, he's like, dude, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. And then you can't get mad at somebody if they've already like owned up to it.
But more often than not, if I was him, I'd be more mad at me than I would be at him. So I listened to him a lot just so, you know, you want to keep, you want to keep the, the, the partnership working right.
And see, if I listen to him and then it's bad, I can blame him. And it's like a nice, that's a nice mental, yeah if we go with mine and it's bad then we blame me but we can always blame him if i always listen to him he looks like he kind of looks like ryan fitzpatrick he's got a little vibe with that beard though yeah oh he shaved it he uh started growing in 2013 and he was waiting for the dodgers to win the world series and And four years in a row, basically, we're like, all right, this is the year you could finally get this beard off your face.
And so this is like the first week a lot of people are seeing him without the beard. And he's walked by, I would say, four people that he's friends with that just blew right by him, had no idea who he was.
That's hilarious. So you are counting this as a real Worldworld series, it sounds like.
I very much am, yeah. Okay, good to know.
Yeah, I mean, it was half a season. It's nice to be on this side of like – I'd be doing what you're doing too if like the Astros had won or whatever.
But like it's nice to be on this side where you can just kind of like take it and know you're still happy. Yeah, no, just know that everyone else is like, dude, that's yeah like if you win the masters this weekend it's like we're not really going to give you that much we're not going to care it's oh great max won the november is the world series doesn't normally end in november no i'm just saying no but there were 60 games yeah you know there are no fans i'll put it this way it's like playing it's like winning the masters when there are no azaleas in bloom.
Right. You don't really want to do it.

Well, this one doesn't count either. Yeah.
Well, if Brooks or you win, it does. Yeah.
We'll give you – yeah, yeah. You absolutely will count it for you.
If Bryson wins, we will find every way to not mention the Masters. That's a promise.
Yeah. Absolutely.
What about the caddy uniforms? That's one of my favorite parts of Augusta is they dress them up in the painter's outfits, the, like, big white overalls. And I read the way that they get assigned numbers is the winning caddy from last year gets number one.
And then everybody else gets assigned their order in order that they check in. Does your caddy have a lucky number? And if so, are you making arrangements to try to have him check in on time so he can wear that number? So we already checked in monday i he i told him he owed me 500 bucks if i somehow came in at 69 as the 69th guy and i was so damn close i was 63 i was pissed could you just hung out but yeah we're 63 it's kind of just it's a pretty lame boring number but i mean it's a good score in golf so i guess we'll take that yes We're going to get back to Max in a second before we do.
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I have some golf etiquette questions for you. Are you allowed to fart in someone's backswing? It's not in the rulebook, so yes.
Okay, you should try that. What about when things aren't going so well, just smoking a quick bowl? That's in the handbook, not the rulebook.
So I'll have to ask somebody about that one. Okay.
And then also like the nice thing about that is then when you play even worse, you can be like, well, I obviously smoked too much. Again, you get to blame it on something else.
It's like you're getting it pretty quick. I think you would be a pretty good pro.
Yeah. What about like my move? I like to quit around hole 13 because I just get bored and then maybe pick it up for 18 and be like, all right, you know, I'm back, and then I have the energy to finish out the round.
Is that frowned upon? Absolutely not. That's how I love to play golf when I'm home.
If we're having, like, a fun day, you just, like, decide on a few holes. You're just going to kind of be the guy in the cart that's, you know, getting the beers nice and cold, making sure that everything's ready for when you guys are going to like have some fun.
And then, you know, with two holes left, you get super competitive. You beat somebody on the last hole and tell them that you kick their ass.
Yes. Yeah.
All right. So I think you take I like how your approach to golf.
What about I like to bring some extra clubs. So if I have a bad shot, throw it in the water and everyone's like, oh, my God, dude, how'd you do that? Why'd you do that with your clubs? And it's actually like an old club.
Yeah, so that's perfect. I live in the desert in Arizona.
So we call it like a desert club. You have one where you can like hit out of the rocks.
But I more or less like to use it. If you're just frustrated, you can snap it.
Yeah. Desert club anyway.
So you can kind of you can kind of kill two birds with one stone. That would be amazing.
Like the bo jackson of golf have you thought about ways that maybe you'll be able to get on tv this weekend so uh a fun thing to do is if you make a big shot you take your hat off and you like you acknowledge the gallery that's not there usually they'll like start out the uh the broadcast highlight package with like that yeah they're no fans here but look at look at max he's having a great time saying hi to the imaginary people i do think that's uh that's one way to get on tv i'm playing with a past master's champion and one like the coolest people on the planet fred couple so i'll definitely be in the background of when i'll put him on tv so i think that'll kind of be my angle is just to see where the camera is and like maneuver my way like behind him to like kind of be in the photo bomb smart i think winning would be a good way to get on tv uh so i'll probably try that one as well yeah um i'm not a big wave at no fans guy because i like grew up with no fans like i you know so it's just been like i think i've overdone overdone that one yeah what about what about carrying your bag and everyone could be like wow max like he doesn't forget his roots like look at him he's just a blue i raked me on bunker today uh because i was pretty sure my caddy was gonna forget to do it but i was hoping that people would do that and look at me and be like this is a really good guy like this guy that's it and it was more so like joe's gonna forget we're gonna get in trouble let me just get this out of the way but again it was two birds one stone everyone thinks i'm like the nicest guy on the planet but in fact i'm just making sure we don't get like fined or something. Is there hazing in golf? Like you're a rookie at Augusta.
Are they, is it expected that you carry somebody else's clubs up to the clubhouse or do you have to sing a song like in training camp? Yeah, a hundred percent. Tiger actually makes us all sing to him our rookie year.
We sing a little dance if you don't like singing.

But to be fair, if he asked me to carry his clubs,

I would be the happiest guy in the world.

Yeah, absolutely.

What about stealing your co-worker's wallet while they're playing golf?

Is that golf etiquette?

Can you do that?

Hypothetically?

I've heard that's frowned upon, and people don't people don't forget that one yeah you have to transfer uh the hypothetical college um what the keeping score part of golf how like you can fuck that up and then it just disqualifies you does that now obviously that's more your caddy right your cat or no you have to keep your own score right you have to actually do it right some people have their caddy keep it i keep it myself because my caddy, right? Your caddy. Or no, you have to keep your own score, right? You have to actually do it, right?

Some people have their caddy keep it.

I keep it myself because my caddy didn't finish college.

Right.

So it makes me a little nervous.

Smart.

That's like our producer didn't finish college.

So we have to do that kind of stuff.

So do you ever get nervous that you miscounted?

Because that happens to me probably back to the smoking a bull thing.

But I'll always forget, like, wait, did I take three shots, four shots? I can't remember how I got here. Yeah, it's made me nervous because even if you didn't play good, you don't want to be the dude that comes in and, like, you know, you sign your scorecard.
It is the dumbest part of golf that you can play the whole game and tell someone you made a four on accident and you made a three. Like, it's literally worse, and they give you a four.
Right. And you're watching on TV and we all know exactly what shot you're on.
Yeah, exactly. It's so, I mean, there's a lot of dumb golf rules.
I think that one's up there. But yeah, it makes me nervous.
I definitely am the guy who like quadruple checks it. But I don't know.
It has knock on wood. It has not, it has not happened in a bad way to me yet.
But maybe, you know, maybe that's just because I'm a lot, you know, smarter than most people. I don't know.
Maybe that's what it is. Maybe that'll be my thing.
I'm like the most careful, smart golfer there is and best looking. I don't know.
We could throw that in there. This is going to suck when you do this this weekend.
When is going to suck. When you get so nervous.
The whole part about these clips is that they'll run it and I can laugh. Yeah, no, this is going to suck when you coming down 18.
You're like, well, Max's scorecard is not correct. Has that ever happened where you're in like an official tournament and you just hold out and you're getting to the next tee and you're counting back on last hole, and you're not sure if you had like a four or five,

and you're doing like that math where you're pointing up in the sky,

like just thinking, okay, my first shot went in the rough,

second shot went in the bunker.

Have you ever like come down to like pretty much guessing?

Oh, yeah.

I've had that.

I mean, it's pretty embarrassing, but I had to ask my caddy once,

like are we putting for six or seven?

Because you hit it in the water a couple of times.

You start doing the pointing.

I don't know. Bryson did that earlier this year, and it it was funny we can laugh now because he's beating everyone's brains in but he did the thing where his head's up in the air he's you can see him doing like a little bit of the mental math but i've had moments where i've kind of forgotten uh one time when i was in junior golf i thought i made a 10 and i was so embarrassed that i had to write two numbers in one little score box and the guy in my group reminded me that I made a nine and that was a big win for me.
That's something I, you know, really, really keep in my back pocket for like the optimism of golf. Have you thought about what you're going to tell Nick Faldo as you're walking down the 18th fairway for like the little fun fact, if you're about to win the masters, do you like imagine dragons a lot? What's your, what's your thing that they're going to break out? Yeah, I don't love Imagine Dragons.
No offense to them. It's already been taken.
I guess I could shout out you guys. I learned a lot watching you guys manage your game around.
You guys called it TPC Sawgrass. Not so sure that's the golf course you were at.
No, the iconic 17th green. It was the iconic.
It's in Michigan, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's where it is, right? Yeah,PC Sawgrass not so sure that's the golf course you were at the iconic 17th green it was the iconic yeah it's in Michigan right yeah yeah yeah that's where it is right yeah um so yeah I don't know what I'm gonna say I think I'm gonna I might be a little bit um I'll be cool with anything honestly at that point if you told me that Imagine Dragons was my thing if I'm walking up the 18th and I'm about to win, I guess I'd be all right with it.

But for now, I'm just going to hope they come up with something

clever and not just say I'm like the funny

Twitter guy, but I mean, I'll take that

too. At what point, so

if you go, obviously winning, number

one, duh. Two,

finishing second, gotta suck. Because you're

like, oh, a couple shots here, a couple shots there,

I could have won. What point does it get

good again? Like three, four, five, like six? Or are what six are you like yeah this is awesome i finished six at the masters um we're talking about that this week i think third it's like the olympics like yeah third is like your happy spot if you're not going to win because the the silver medalist is always like pretty bummed but the bronze medalist is stoked to make. Yep.
So I guess that's where you start to be happy. But I guess, I don't know.
I guess winning, if you're a third, you might only lost by two anyways. I don't know.
I guess that's a really good problem to have, especially at Augusta. Yeah.
The Masters, but I'm going to go with third is probably like the happiest you'd be with losing. Right.
And then there's obviously like 11th would suck because you didn't finish top 10. And six, you didn't finish top five.
So, yeah, okay. You got to find that sweet spot.
Finishing third would be pretty nice. Did you get measured for your jacket before you went to Augusta, or is that something that they do after you win? Good question.
That would suck if they measured a lot of people but not me just they just kind of

yeah we don't need to waste our time with this guy man now now i might be a little insecure no because they did not they didn't even ask me if i if i wanted a green jacket if they if they if i want they didn't ask my size um yeah uh no that's not has not been a thing of my week do you think So we're big, like, changing rules to make sports more fun, guys.

What about mulligans i think that golf should have mulligans one mulligan a person and it would add that element of like if you're coming up on the 18th and you're down a stroke you got a mulligan in your back pocket who knows what you can do with it are you do you take mulligans when you're out with your friends or no we uh me and my buddy taylor who plays on tour too he uh we we uh around new year's have a little three-day four-day golf uh fun golf tournament thing with all our buddies and uh we have a rule that you can get two mulligans a hole but if you take one you have to take a shot okay so you really have to be smart because over 18 holes that'd be 36 shots and i don't know about you guys but i don't know if i could quite handle that um so that's a fun one because the more mulligans you take the more drunk you are right typically your golf at some point is going to go downhill john daly would shoot like a 48 like allow for that i think you need to have to like offset the mulligan with something. Yeah.
But I'm in on mulligans. I've asked the heavens a million times if I could just get that thing done over one time, I would do anything.
Even like drink, you know, a shot of pop off again. So I'm in with the mulligans.
What about jerseys? I feel like golfers should have jerseys that have their names across the back

with a number on there.

That way fans can buy them to support.

Because, I don't know, I guess if I wanted to support Tiger,

I could buy a Nike polo shirt and stand in the gallery and clap for him.

But I'd rather wear a jersey of a golfer.

Yeah, I like the idea.

Golfers, minus maybe Brooks, aren't really cool-looking in actual athletic gear so i'm not so sure we'd look like that cool especially if they did like the jerseys that make your biceps look big because if you don't actually have them you actually look smaller yeah and more like less like an athlete which we don't really need help doing so as much as i hate golf clothes and i hate wearing pants and a belt and tucking in my polo golf shirt, at least we're kind of like leaning into the, hey, this is kind of a dorky sport, but we're going to stay in our lane, you know? So I think jerseys would just make us look like we're trying too hard. Do you have to wear a belt? Technically, no.
I actually had a belt burst on me two weeks ago so and i played 14 holes without one i felt weird but no one came up to me and kicked me off the course so i guess you don't have to have one yeah yeah i would go beltless for sure yeah how how long are you like my driver yeah yeah that's yeah that's it's a fucking golf interview, dude. Um, I, uh, I just love that question.
How long are you, bro? Lately above average. It's just the wording of it.
Yeah. Yeah.
How long are you, bro? Like people say that like golf, like how long are you? What do you hit off the tee? You know, I hit it. I hit it just over 300 yards.
I'm not going to wow you. Uh, but I, you know,, yeah, 300, okay.
It's not bad. Yeah, I hit it like maybe 200 if I got a wind in my back.
What about your balls? What do your balls look like? They're clean and white. How did you decide what your mark was going to be on your balls? I would draw pubes all over.
I think that would be really funny, like as a little Easter like as a little but then every time you lose it you have to redraw it and it just takes too long you should play with like a fluorescent green ball and just fuck up everyone at the masters or a pink ball and be like it's it's breast cancer awareness so what are you gonna do you gonna make me stop playing with this uh i think you're allowed to play with whatever color really shocking yeah i'll play with a pink one for a while so pink would be cool what about oh it's salute to service month a camouflage ball that would be a real pain in the ass or yeah like a green ball and just then you can just cheat the whole time i show up with that mike i show up with a camouflage ball and my caddy yells to me and says my heart job's hard enough yeah please just pick the one i can find in the trees yeah that's true that is a difficult uh job to like track that ball all right i have one last question max and this is more of a serious question uh the final question is brought to you by cross country mortgage america's crazy good mortgage company go to ccmlens.com slash take to learn more about your future home buying experience or refinancing needs equal housing opportunity i don't understand won a tournament, uh, last year, it then gets you into, uh, the masters for the next two years. So how does that work? Like next year, are you basically, I, you have to finish, uh, a certain level to keep getting invited.
Or if you get a certain level at this masters, you get an invitation. Like How does that work, and what does that go into the pressure of every single event?

Yeah, actually, you only get one master's, so this will be mine.

You can get, I think, top 12 this week gets you into the next master's.

So if we're asking, like you mentioned earlier, getting 13th place would suck here.

So there's another happy. I think I'd be really happy with 12th if it wasn't first.
But, yeah, so you have to, like, re-qualify. I mean, like the top, top guys, you know, if you're top 50 in the world, you get to play in the Masters every year.
So, yeah, I guess, you know, 12th or better would be another, like, little mini major goal for this week. So the next year, are you feeling more pressure because you have to then win another event to get invited to a couple more things? Yeah, that you definitely feel pressure.
I guess you kind of get used to just trying to win a little bit. But yeah, I mean, now that you're like now that I'm here, it is kind of motivating to make sure you keep coming back.
Because this is like, this is pretty, pretty damn cool. So you do feel a little bit more pressure, I guess, a little more motivation, because you don't want to be the guy now who didn't get to play the Masters again, you want to like, keep coming back, keep, keep taking chances of winning a green jacket.
So it's definitely uh it's definitely pretty a pretty heavy thought once you get here and think you know this isn't like a guarantee you'll just be back here next year no matter what what about just tipping everyone really well and then they're like hey that max guy was cool yeah so that's the other cool thing is if you if i win again i'll have more money to tip more because i don't know if they're i don't know if my tips are going as long away as like Tiger and Phil. I feel like they can, they can really lay down the law with the tipping.
I'm just kind of, you know, the guy's like, oh, you know, is this it? And I'm like, yeah, honestly, kind of it is. Yeah.
Like I've only won one dude. Do you ever feel bad having so much more clout than a lot of golfers out there? Like you are, you're the golfer with clout.
You're the Twitter guy. Yeah, I mean, I don't feel bad.
It is a little embarrassing when you're walking with a group of people and you can kind of hear somebody mutter, oh, there's Jordan Spieth. He's one of the best players in the world.
Oh, there's Brooks Koepka. He's won four majors.
And then they're like, oh, who's that guy? And they're like they're like oh he's really popular on twitter that's not like it's cool like a little bit yeah no that's cool that that means something you have a thing that's going to be nick faldo's thing that he says about you he's gonna be like this guy he will judge your swing on twitter and he's very funny at it yeah that's you know i'm the funny i'm like you know when the when the pretty girl in high school is like oh you're you know you're the funny guy like yeah that's exactly who i am i'm the funny guy the world needs laughter i like it well we're rooting for you yeah big time rooting for you you're you're officially i mean if it's you versus brooks at the end it's brooks no offense uh but we'll root for you against everyone else and kind of cool you're going to play with Freddie Couples. He's probably going to be wearing his skater shoes, which I always love.
Smoothest swing in the game. Yeah.
And Jim Nance, you will get some screen time because Jim Nance, I don't know if you knew this, was roommates with Freddie Couples. I've heard.
That's come up. It's the Clayton Kershaw of Matthew Stafford fact.
I've heard it too many times, but it's like what's the one? Dustin Johnson can dunk with no shoes on. That's another one.
Is that true? Well, they'll mention it most likely this week. He shouldn't be going around with no shoes on if you catch my drift, you know? Gotta have traction.
A stairs, whatnot. You should be wearing cleats in the house.
Yes, at all times. Why do golfers wear cleats? Yeah, good question.
Which golfers wear cleats? Why do golfers wear cleats? I don't know, man. That's actually another great question.
Freddie Couples does, and he wears skaters. Yeah, he wears his vans.
Maybe that's why we're not all cool. We should all just kind of do what fred does um yeah i never really got the cleats thing i think a lot of the guys use the metal spikes just like to hear the click on the ground and make you feel like you're a baseball player or something yep um yeah i don't know i um that's actually a perfect perfect uh reason right there like that's more than enough cooler yeah yeah yeah yeah talk about clout like you need a little clout walking by the fans as you go across the car path you know they're like oh that guy that guy swings so hard he needs to literally fasten himself into the grass yeah have an anchor on the bottom of his feet or else he's going to fly into orbit yes um all right well max thank you so much man we are rooting for you we appreciate your time man and uh anytime you want to come back on we'd love to have you all right thank you uh i appreciate being on you guys are my favorite podcast so oh hell yeah i like it this this is this is you know masters and then just below you know be on part of my house tell brooks if you see him because brooks was like i'm too busy today so give him a little be like hey i just went on pmt and uh you know had a really good time with the boys.
Awesome. I didn't even have to tip him, so this worked out really nicely.
All right. Thanks, man.
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We got some guys on chicks to do. Hank, you ready to roll? Ready to roll.
Let's fucking roll. Let's roll then.
What, Billy, what? We didn't do the sheet. We didn't look into the sheet.
No, no, no, it's not the sheet. I was just wondering if people...
We actually covered most of it. We did.
I was just wondering if people knew what piss jugs were. Yeah.
I think it's like a normal term. It's like piss in a bottle.
It's pretty self-explanatory, yeah. Oh, what? Yeah, so this guy had a bunch of piss in a bottle laying around.
Piss jugs? No. Never mind.
I thought it was a candy. Wait, so the piss goes in the jug? Yeah, you know, you don't go to the bathroom and you just piss in the bottles.
So is it a jug made out of piss or is it when you piss out a jug? No, never mind. No, no, no.
I think what he's saying is when you recycle the piss, it becomes a jug? When you flush it down the toilet. Oh, I know what Billy's saying.
He's saying when you're hooking up with a chick and you piss on her jugs. Oh, okay.
It's like the hottest thing you can do. Or is it when you piss into a machine that spits footballs out and you can spray the entire room with it? On everyone as a prank.
Yeah, as a good prank. Piss jugs.
Piss jugs. Shout out to Trailer Park, boys.
What's up, guys? Especially Dad Cat and Big Dick Norman. I think that's Big Dick Norman.
He's on this podcast. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and have not had sex yet.
A few BJs and finger action like high school. Wait, what? For how long? Two years.
He's super religious, so I understand. But recently, he's interested in having sex, but he wants to have anal sex because it's not the vagina, so it's not real sex.
Is this real, or has this been a long con? I like how he's like, recently, he's been interested in having sex. He's developed an interest.
He's taken interest in my vagina.

Yeah, just he sounds like a weirdo.

Yeah, I mean, he's very, very religious, I guess.

God, does God not protect the butthole?

I don't know.

God's just like whatever.

You can put whatever you want in there,

just not the one two inches away.

Yeah, it feels like a pretty fucked up loophole.

I think that's still sex.

Got it.

All or nothing.

Yeah.

Hole. We're talking holes, Billy.
Pretty holy. Wait, the piss jug thing.
I'm really stuck on this. So what do you do? Sounds like a pretty holy guy, Hank.
I just want to say that Big Cat said he would inject himself with coronavirus. True.
If March Madness got cancelled, and then he said he's obviously not doing that. He will pick two pinky teams this year.
He only picked one pinky team, though. All right, I'll pick a second pinky team.
What's my one pinky team? I am going to inject myself. I'm going to get the vaccine.
I'll be first to get the vaccine. I think you reasoned the Falcons.
Yeah. Okay.
All right. I'm going to take the vaccine, too.
I feel like we'll lead from the front on this one. Shoot me up with whatever you need to.
Absolutely.

The problem is, I'll be honest with you guys.

I'll be dead honest with you guys.

Patriots.

Having a son has definitely changed the perspective.

No, I'm going to pick a second team.

Give me a break.

Listen, Hank.

You can't pull the dad card.

Your fucking little eight-pound dog is the same thing. All right.
It is. What do you need your pinky for for your son? To not be the worst.
I have a son, and I'm risking cats over here. The worst.
To not be the worst role model of all time. But it's pretty cool if your son's friends come over.
Again, I can't. Like, hey, look at my dad.
He's Mr. Pinky.
There is a little. And you're into woodwork.
I understand that there's a difference in this room now because I have a son, but I

won't explain it.

It's fine.

I do too.

Right.

All right.

You want me to take the Patriots?

Yes.

Okay.

They're not going to win the Super Bowl.

They're not going to win the Super Bowl.

I've got a future on them.

Oh, let's go.

I mean, they're not going to win the Super Bowl.

All right.

I love it.

All right.

So I have the Falcons and the Patriots.

I'll fucking pick another team.

You want to pick another team?

What other team do you want?

Rares.

What?

Bears.

No, because then I'm boxing myself in.

Would you give up a pinky for the Bears to win a Super Bowl?

Ravens.

Yeah, probably I would.

So that's the exact same bet that you're making.

No, because I don't want to have that fun taken away.

Why would I do that to myself? It should be the Ravens. The whole NFC East.
Yeah, okay, fine. I'll throw in the NFC East.
Okay. So the entire NFC East, the Patriots, and the Falcons.
Is that enough? Is that enough? Are you not entertained? No, that's too much. Yeah, I mean, well, you force my fucking hand.
It's three teams. Yeah, that was great.
Hey, Big Cat PFT. That was an interesting selection for guys on chicks, wouldn't you say? Wait, was that another guys on chicks, or was that the end of the first person that wrote it? No, that was a hand-selected guys on chicks from Hank, because that was definitely a guys on chicks.
Dear Big Cat and PFT, I recently, listen, sometimes people make great points in this. Yeah, okay.
I have no question. I remember when Hank said he was going to get high with a leaf blower, and that hasn't happened.
I wasn't allowed to because we got bought by, I was going to do it. I bought a pound of weed to do it, and I had to just smoke it over time instead of all all at once.
Who's the real loser here? Wait, the gambling company said that you're not allowed to smoke all this weed at once, but you can definitely smoke all of it. Something like that.
Pretty stringent regulations. Well, just like, don't do it on camera.
It was like, whatever. It was like right when we were getting sold and I was like, hey, I have to honor this bet.
I just bought a pound of weed. Should I not do this video? And they're like, no, probably not.
I was like, what the fuck? Hank Mokey looks like Van Gogh. Thank you.
Van Gogh bet. Cut your ear off.
Yeah, cut your ear off. 200k contest entries for Thursday.
By the way, I also have a bet that I'm going to get a tattoo if Drew Brees wins the Super Bowl. I didn't say it.
A chick said it. All the dads that listen to part of my take at least back me up and be like, your perspective on life does change.
I have your back. Hey, dear Big Cat and PFT, I recently discovered that my boyfriend prefers to sit when he pees.
This took me by great surprise and had me questioning his masculinity for him. He says that when he's alone in his own home, he sits just about every time, as it is too much effort to aim his ween.
He says it comes out to be 70% of the time he is sitting to take a piss. When I confronted him about it, he told me sitting completely eliminates the need to aim, saving potentially hundreds of dollars in toilet paper for wiping the seat? While I'm glad he isn't getting pissed in the seat.
I personally find it weird that he has been sitting. Please tell me if I'm being judgy bitch for this or if I'm justified in taking away his man card.
P.S. Thank you kindly.
P.S. Big Cat, the Ravens are not frauds.
Every morning. I don't like this email.
I'll put it this way. In between the hours of 2 a.m.
and 8 a.m., if if i have to piss i'll sit down because i'm groggy oh see i i never sit down because i'm not a bitch um oh i absolutely sit down there's nothing nothing to be ashamed of sitting down if you're tired but plus it's like a little mini workout you do a little squat you get a rep in it is bullshit that uh like all we hear now is toxic masculinity is ruining this country. And then if we want to sit down, we're bitches, which we are.
But you should at least let us. We can call each other bitches, but you can't call us a bitch.
Does that make sense? Yeah. Every guy sits down to pee.
I could say PFT is a bitch for sitting down. Every guy sits down to pee.
But if a chick says that, that's fucked up. Billy, you sit down to pee.
No, no, no.

I'm pretty sure that the British Army sits down to pee. Like, they mandate

it. That's why they need our ass to save them.

Yeah, because it's, like, for cleaning.

Yeah? Yeah, seriously.

Like, in the barracks. That's such a random

stat. I heard it

one time. Yeah,

I don't think so. Who told you

that?

That was like a joke, maybe?

Like a conversation?

It may have been a joke, but I believe it. Was it History Channel on?

I believe it.

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I believe it.

I believe it. Good question.
I think just breathe through your lungs. So if you're not an amphibian, I think that's half the battle.
Positive vibes. Positive vibes only.
Don't have gills. I love Billy.
So Billy's a catch. Anyone out there? He's single.
I'm not single. Shit.
He's not single. I have plenty of frogs at home frogs at home plenty of frogs at home the guys on chicks always derails Billy's day I know I'm in such a good mood when I come in like I'm like yo Hank like you should do this self help book like yeah I heard you saying that to him what was that about yeah well Hank's just super like he just he is a negative person but it's accidental it's because of his thought process.
It's because of them. Whoa.
What? Honestly, that's actually true. I've gotten more negative since I came back, like, to be honest.
We do positive reinforcement all the time. No, you don't.
Yes, we do. Billy, I say I love you every single day.
Yeah, but it's, like, negative. It's like, I love you.
I love you, dude. Billy, the last time we gave you positive reinforcement, we were like, thank you for this sheet.
And you're like, why are you acting surprised? AWL's, PFT's I love you at the end of the episode? What about it? Oh, you're saying it's not real. Is it real? Why would it not be real? He says it to me all the time.
Oh, I do say it to you all the time. I'm joking.
I'm joking. Hi, PMT.
I recently came home one night. My boyfriend was sitting on the couch in the dark watching football.
I asked him why he didn't turn on any of the lights in our apartment. He said, I can see.
Do all guys just sit in the dark if no one is around? Thanks. Yeah, less distraction.
Yeah. It's like if the lights are.
Whatever the lights are set up when you walk in, that's how they stay. Yeah.
That's actually the ideal man cave set up. Plato's cave cave was like that all you could see was just the projection on the wall and nothing else there's nothing to distract us and we were very happy not having anything else besides what we were staring at we're just very very lazy people i mean i've said this before but like there'll be times when i'll i'll be in my car i'll park and i'll have to bring something up and it's in the back seat and I just won't do it.
I'll get it later. The British have to sit down when using the toilets in their tanks to piss.
Because you can't stand up to piss in the tank. I'm sorry.
Fact checked myself. That's a good fact check.
Do you still wear the red Do you still wear the red coats? Mm-hmm. Good.
Hey, PMT, especially frog fellatio fanatic, Billy. Great.
A girl I went to high school with. Great.
Positive vibes only. Positive vibes.
Dude, that's actually a compliment. Yeah.
You get to fuck frogs. What guy? Above water, underwater.
Billy, maybe one of them will turn into a princess. Exactly.
I'm just looking for my princess. A girl I went to high school with ended up getting into porn soon after we graduated.
She wasn't known around school for being promiscuous at all. In fact, she had the same boyfriend all through high school.
Something must have snapped in her because she ended up becoming semi-famous performing in dozens of incredibly filthy videos. I haven't personally watched any of them, but my friend said some of them were more hardcore than 1998 when The Undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted 16 feet through an announcer's table.
This is Bran Walker. This is a chick that wrote this in? This is Bran Walker that wrote this.
Very intimate knowledge of the WWE. Well, my friend said some of them.
Oh, got it. So what's the question? There actually was no question.
So could you just give interesting story. So could you just give us the name? I think that you need to...
Hey, you know what? I enjoyed it, guys. Yeah.
That was a great contribution by Hank. Yeah.
Good job, Hank. Good job, Hank.
Hank, you made up a story. So, Hank.
I enjoyed it. Yeah.
Good job, Hank. And people at home do, too.
Positive vibes only, everyone. Wait.
Billy wrote that one in. I'm not joking.
That was going to be the last one until I realized there wasn't a question. This one, I was looking through the last submission.
This is a real question. Billy, I'm sorry.
Hey, boys, my friends and I are debating whether Billy football is fuckable or not. Some say he's marginally attractive.
Some say he's a giant man-child who embodies all the things we hate about the male species. What's the verdict? Billy's a fuckboy.
No. He is a fuckboy.
No, no, no. So, yes.
Hank. Billy's fuckable.
What the fuck? You're a fuckboy. Billy's fuckable.
I asked him to say yes. Billy's fuckable as fuck.
Hank, I've just been supporting you this whole time. Did you just pull that one out? I'm telling you they're fuckable.
I'm telling you. Listen, Billy is...
If you could... Billy's like...
There's so much more than meets the eye. He's young.
In four or five years, he'll be a big time catch.

Wait, he's still in his fuck boy face.

PFT's right.

He's growing.

I think that if when you're 33 and you're getting married, you're going to look back

and you're going to do the count where you do your number.

You're going to remember Billy.

You're going to include him in the count, but you're going to laugh when you're like,

oh yeah, I remember that guy.

That was a fling.

Yeah.

That's a compliment, Billy.

Billy, you are doing great.

And I love you.

And Billy, guess what?

You know what?

You're talking about it. Yeah, I remember that guy.
That was a fling. Yeah.
That's a compliment, Billy. Billy, you are doing great, and I love you.

And, Billy, guess what?

You know what?

You're tall.

No.

Here's...

No.

You're handsome.

No.

You look strong.

Thank you.

Your boots aren't that dirty today.

You've got the second biggest biceps on your Jenga team.

You took the shoelaces out so you're not going to kill yourself.

I mean, you have no shoelaces in your boots. It's a weird move.
Anyway. Jeffrey Eggstein with no shoelaces.
Yeah, that's right. You can't hang yourself in your barn.
Subhuman. Sorry.
No, subteen. Subadult.
Subadult. Billy, you can't wear your five-finger shoes anymore.

You stopped wearing those.

Yeah, I kind of wore through them.

Yeah, so there you go.

You improved to being fuckable.

Billy, you're going to get the number today.

18.

8.

Billy, you're going to get the number today.

56, said Liam.

He's thinking really hard.

Wait, wait, wait.

69.

All right, I'm going to go with 24. 8, 8, 8.
Here we go. Here we go.
Billy, if you get this, it would be incredible. Be a legend, Billy.
Mammoth skulls were found in ancient Greece, and they thought they were actual Cyclops, that's so close. You're too off.
Billy. You missed by two balls, Billy.
First timer. First timer.
You think if I hit it again you'll get it? No. We running back? Only for Billy.
69. Only for Billy.
This is our first multiple drawing since August 30th. It doesn't count.

It doesn't count for anyone else.

Just for Billy.

Billy, turn it off.

Okay.

Well, that's our show.

Love you guys.

Bye. Say I say it anyway.
Today is another day to find you.

Shine away.

I'll be coming for your love of Kate.

Shine away.

I'll be coming for your love of Kate.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take me. Take me off I'll be good You don't take me off So needless to say I'll set it But I'll be so let it wait It's the living of mine Thank you.
It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.