NFL Week 9, Fastest 2 Minutes And Deion Sanders

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On today's part of my take, week nine recap Monday PMT. Nothing better in the fall.
We have Deion Sanders on for 10, 15 minutes. Actually, some good stuff on letdown spots as a player.
Also, we're the best of all time we're going to recap every single game we're gonna do fastest two minutes we're going to do football guy of the week we're going to do who's back of the week an awesome show for you they're always awesome on mondays in the fall coming to you in a second and we are brought to you as always by our friends from ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariot ariot work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver check out ariot in your local workwear retailer or visit ariot.com slash work to get 10% off your first order when

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now in the street there is violence and i'm not allowed to stop what can be done No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to electric avenue It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports Welcome to Pardon My Take, presented by the Cash App Go download it right now, use code BARSTOOL You get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA Today is Monday, November 9th, and it's week nine. When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age.
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We start in Indianapolis where both teams were strapped head to toe in athletic apparel in the Battle of Art Models. Chuck Evel Knievel Clark jumped over that Snake Rivers on his way to the end zone.
In a touching tribute to Nick Suzanne Boyle, the Ravens offense was downright ugly but got the job done. Ja-Coby was brought in for a first-half buzzer beater, but the Colts fell short in this game, and Phil Rivers' car ride home will be the second van full of tears this weekend.
Talking about Jones, boom. Ravens 24, Colts 10.
To New York City, where Daniel Jones' survivor left his marky mark all over the field as Joe Judge Amy Comey Barrett had his outdoor Washington ceremony attended by several fans, which led to many Washington insiders cough, cough, coughing the ball up with a whoop and a whoop, whoop, whoop, and a whoop, and thum ball, and the New York football Giants recover. And a touching tribute to my dear close friend, Alex Trebek Smith's career is no longer in jeopardy.
But today's performance was trivial. Wayne, handful of Gallmans, was snacking throughout the course of the day.
And Alfred Philip Morris inhaled deeply and brought all the smoke. The New York football Giants 23.
The Washington football team 20. Out west to Nash Vegas where Dormat Nagy led his putrid offense

into a battle against the Titans.

A.J. Brown should be called B.J.
Brown with the way he blew past the Bears secondary

and Derrick Henry played like a married woman because he refused to go down all game long.

Bears fans at the polling stations are leaving their ballots.

Ryan now in void for four more years of Matt Nagy. Titans 24, Bears 17.
What? It wasn't that close, Teej. In Kansas City, Andy Tara Reid took the top off his playbook and let it all hang out.
Tyreek One Tree Hill brought all the drama. And Teddy's Nuts Bridgewater put a couple balls in the chin zone.
in west kansas city born and raised chilling out with pat and shellac and matt rule and got the carolina panthers looking like a fool representing chief kingdom yeah i'm a pretty good player going to sit on my throne the press prince of elair kansas city 33 the carolina panthers 31 in jacksonville where jake gluten-free was avoiding defenders like they were carbs, and James Duncan Robinson has gone from small school to stardom, but Vern Troy Hargraves made the Jaguars' offense look small with a third-quarter interception. Katy Perry would be proud with the Jaguars roaring back and the way Houston left Chark open, but the Texans' playoffs aren't yet, but their will is fuller.
The Texans take down the Jaguars, 27-25. I can't read.
Duvall. I can't read.
Up to Minnesota, where Kirk Lewinsky-Cousins was firing from long distance for 13 completions for 200 yards. But the story of the day was Dalvin Captain Cook, who ran through the Lions like a high caliber bullet through a rifle owned by a Midwestern dentist.
R.I.P. to my good friend Cecil.
Chase Daniel and the Lions didn't couldn't be saved by their Buddha-shaped god, Matt Patricia, after getting trapped inside an arena with a superior opponent. And meanwhile, Alexander James Madison had a silver tongue and licked those pussycats.
Perv Smith was creeping behind the Lions defense and looking under their skirts for two scores. The Vikings 34, the Detroit Lions 20.
Down to Hotlanta, where Matt Joan O'Ryan came directly from his press conference at the Four Seasons Landscaping to mow down the Broncos defense. Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, remained the king of daytime TV with 125 yards and a score.
After Drew Locke tried to tough, tough pass, Lloyd Cushenberry, which is not a strain of Colorado weed, still coughed up the ball to end the game. Not a drug guy, boom.
Cushenberry, that's his name. Cushionberry.
And he plays for the Broncos. Falcons 34, Broncos 27.
Stay off the weed, Boom. In Dallas, where we assumed Garrett Gilbert Gottfried would fire some ducks, but they went punch for punch with Ben Affleck Rocklisberger.
And the Steelers are going 8-0. CDO Black Benny Pamelaum had a great game.
And Garrett Popcorn Gilbert threw all his flavors at the Pittsburgh defense. But it wasn't enough for the Cowboys.
As Ben Danuski has his career trajectory going downhill fast. And the Steelers remain undefeated.
Steelers 24, Cowboys 19. In the desert, Mike Gesricki Martin was living to a Tugolovita loca as the Dolphins banged out another impressive win.
Many people are asking what Spliff Kingsbury was smoking, going for a game-tying field goal late in the fourth as David Zane Gonzalez made the Cardinals' winning percentage disappear. Shaq Lawson and the Dolphins are saying, Can you dig it? As the Dolphins are now 5-3.
Huh? Huh? Winning 34-31. Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston down in Nola.
Such a fine to see It's the Succaneers My lord, giving up every score Are they better off without AP? Come on Tommy You stink like salami The red flags Are at half mass You fucking call me and there it is the game's actually still going on by the way we have a fastest two minute sponsor now all protein bars generally taste the same but not one bars one made protein bars are actually delicious with reese's and hershey's only one reese's peanut butter lovers protein bar bar is made with Reese's peanut butter and only one Hershey's cookies and cream protein bars is made with Hershey's cookie bits while delivering 18 grams of protein and three grams of sugar. One bars are the perfect protein bar to get you through your busy day, whether you need a quick pick me up between meetings or you need some fuel to power you through your next workout.
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Okay, week nine. So Sunday Night Football is actually still going on.
We're recording this in the fourth quarter because it is an atrocious, atrocious game, which we can pretty much recap right now. The Bucs have laid an all-time stinker.
Tom Brady, three interceptions at the time of this taping, and the Saints looked awesome, and Michael Thomas back. I don't even know.
Okay, so this is like old coach speech. Is it better that the Bucs lost so bad that they can just throw this one out? You throw the tape out.
You don't even review it. You just say, move on.
Bruce Arians is not going to take this game seriously. He is going to hit the delete button on it, I think.
But they stink. They stink so bad.
We might get Jameis. He might play for the Saints.
Taysom right now. It's totally Taysom right now.
Which I actually started in my 2QB league, not to brag. No one cares about my fans.
No, we don't. I had a little injury problem.
I'm actually concerned about Bruce. Because Bruce, his only hope is to go ahead and pretend that this game never happened.
Hopefully he was just blackout drunk for the entire thing he doesn't remember because this could kill him. Watching this tape could actually kill Bruce Arians.
I am also concerned just with his sideline appearance in general, not only the double glasses and the shield, but it appears that Bruce Arians has a bomb strapped to his chest at all times on the sideline. It's like speed.
Flack jacket, yeah. It's like speed except it blows him up if his BAC drops below .08.
Or if he doesn't throw it deep with a pass rush that was killing Tom Brady tonight. Yeah, absolutely.
He was getting destroyed. Destroyed.
And it was as bad as it looks. Like, this wasn't, you know, sometimes you can be like, oh, well, shit just went weird.
No, the Bucs laid an absolute egg. Because you could say, obviously, theovers were bad but they started the game I think like three consecutive three and outs and uh I think the the Saints even fumbled on the one yard line like in in the middle of that like first quarter so they could have even put any put more on them but this is you go into this game thinking this is like gonna be the game that the bucks established themselves as a true contender for the super bowl and you walk out of it being like what did we just watch yeah i i had some questions about him after monday night but i i resolved those in my own head just by saying the words trap game yeah that monday night was a trap game in an aberration and you can throw it out clearly clearly not yeah clearly there's some questions so i it's also very good for me that they got their ass kicked by this much because i bet on the bucks i had a great day i lost one bet well two if you count the chargers which i'm not counting that was a win um so i lost one game and then i made my biggest bet of the day because i thought i was so smart yep on the buccaneers yep the fact that they got their asses kicked so soundly and so early, it humbles me, and you know what else it does? It prevents me from doubling my units next week because I'm back down to earth.
Throw out the tape. I don't think that I'm as good as I thought that I was two hours ago.
That's actually very, very important. You have to do that.
They're now just zooming in on Taysom Hill's arm because he's got a bunch of – Taysom Hill is just a warrior. They just did his highlight package where he's covering punts.
He's running the ball. He's throwing the ball.
He's got a raspberry on his arm that looks very – looks like something that I would cry about. And that's just football.
That is just football. Now, oh, this is – now, this is beautiful.
Drew Brees coming back in the game to throw a touchdown pass. There we go.
There we go. Keep the stats going.
We haven't seen stat padding like that since Peyton Manning. Remember when he made sure that Brock Osweiler couldn't go into the game? Oh, my God.
Tom Brady wasn't even watching. Tom Brady on the sidelines staring down at the tablet, looked up like, oh, what, did he throw another touchdown? Huh.
Yeah, that's Sean Payton giving a big fuck you to Tom Brady out there. Oh, my God.
They should have something that they pass back and forth between the two of them depending on who has the most touchdown passes. Yes.
And by how much. I want to see like a little, I don't know, maybe like one of those Walter Payton-style patches that you can put on the jersey.
Oh. Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Just connected. Yep, I'm back.
We're back. Yeah, the yes, I like that.
Passing it back and forth because it's going to keep going on. But this was a big one for Drew Brees.
I think what did he end up with? He had three or four touchdowns. Four touchdowns.
Yeah, four touchdowns in the wind. Yes.
The wind was a big discussion point beforehand. The Saints looked incredible.
The Saints looked like a team that is starting to figure some things out. And Drew Brees on the wash scale, not washed because Michael Thomas is back and he looked great tonight.
So, yeah, congrats to the Saints because you definitely established yourself. And we'll start with the Seahawks-Bills game.
But this week nine, like, the biggest takeaway I have is the NFC is wide open. There's a lot of fool's gold in the NFC, Big Cat.
Wide open because you have the Saints and the Bucs who played tonight, and the Saints looked incredible. Obviously, the Packers beat the hurt 49ers on Thursday night, but they lost to the Vikings last week.
And then you have the Seahawks going to Buffalo. And the Bills, let's start with the Bills because I want to give the Bills full credit for this game because they had a great game plan.
They knew that you could actually see it. They basically were like, the Seahawks cannot stop a single pass, so we're not even going to run.
We're just going to pass it, pass it, pass it. Josh Allen was 31 for 38, 415 yards, three touchdowns and a rushing touchdown.
And guess what? Saying he outplayed Russell Wilson is actually understating it. He kicked the shit out of Russell Wilson, even though quarterbacks don't play against each other.
But if you're saying dueling, MVP candidate Russell Wilson versus Josh Allen, Josh Allen was significantly better all day. Here's a stat I'm making up right now, but I think that it's correct.
This was the biggest height differential in terms of two quarterbacks starting against each other. Unless have the Bills played the Cardinals this year? I don't think so.
I don't think that they have. So this is the biggest stat differential, and Josh Allen was head and shoulders above Russell Wilson today.
Just fucking throwing the ball. He wasn't even throwing the standard Josh Allen bombs, where he just cocked back and let it rip like 50 yards in the air.
You know what he was doing? He was dissecting the Seahawks' pass defense this week. Just like a surgeon back there.
Yes. Awesome to watch.
What did he say? Oh, they play next week? Oh, perfect. So for the next seven days, this is the biggest height differential between two starting quarterbacks.
But this was, yeah, the Bills. We said on Friday that if the Bills want to be considered for real, this is a game they have to win.
And they won it convincingly. It was a convincing, resounding victory.
They had Russell Wilson playing poorly. Their offense was absolutely humming.
Terrible call by me trying to jump ahead of the curve here with saying the Seahawks' defense might get better because it somehow got worse. They have given up 300-plus yards to six quarterbacks this year.
Six quarterbacks in eight games. That's insane.
Here's a crazy stat. I could not believe this when I read it.
As far as past defenses go, in the history of the NFL, through nine games this year, the 2020 Seahawks are the worst by far. So they're number one with 365 yards that they're giving up per game you know number two is who it's actually this year's falcons and this year's falcons are they suck they're the second worst defense in the history of the nfl they're only giving up 311 yards per game so the seahawks are are 50 yards worse per game than the second worst team of all time against the pass.
This sucks because what I wanted to talk about next, and this kind of goes against it, but the whole we've had the narrative, Russell Wilson's never gotten an MVP vote. And everyone's talking about it and the media's like, can you believe this guy's never gotten an MVP vote? Even though, of course he hasn't gotten an MVP vote because you can go back in the last five years and look and be like, do you think Patrick Mahomes is MVP two years ago when he threw 50 plus touchdowns? Yes.
Was Lamar Jackson MVP last year when he was insane? Yes. Like, it makes sense.
But whatever. That's the media narrative.
Going now, week nine, you know, we just finished week nine. Russell Wilson is not the MVP.
Patrick Mahomes is starting to play incredible football he's like, so Patrick Mahomes is 25 touchdowns, 1 interception Russell Wilson is 28-8 and then Rodgers is 24-2 like if I had to do the MVP voting right this second, I wouldn't give Russell Wilson an MVP vote. Oh I disagree the MVP.
I think that you can make the argument that because his defense is so bad, that it's actually saying that Russell Wilson, you know what? He's not the MVP of the league. He is the most valuable player in that if you were to take him off of his team, they would be the West Coast Dallas Cowboys.
It's essentially like getting rid of Dak Prescott, except way, way, way worse worse and i agree with that that's that is ridiculous and he does he overcome he he makes up for so much stuff but we know that that's not really how the mvp gets decided i know but it's just fun to have that argument every year when every fucking person talks about like is it the best player in the league or the most important on their team and i agree if you took russell wilson off of the seahawks they would be a terrible terrible football team but you know what the Packers would be a terrible football team if you took Rogers off it the Chiefs you could maybe make an argument because they have so much you know talent on offense that Matt Castle won a game yeah like you could maybe make the argument not Matt Castle what's his name uh uh Matt Moore yeah but Patrick Holmes is so good and he's starting to play like you know he was really really good in a windy game today against the Panthers we'll get to that but this I and Russell Wilson is I don't know second best quarterback yeah I would say second best quarterback in the NFL behind Patrick Mahomes and I'm not saying that he's played poorly I'm just warning I'm just like getting everyone ready that there's a world where Russell Wilson doesn't get an MVP vote again because the two out of the last three games, he has not been great. Like he wasn't good today.
And I actually think Russell Wilson is so good that he deserves the Steph Curry treatment where when he's bad, we should just be like, is he hurt? Is he hurt? He must be hurt. So something's wrong.
He must be hurt. So right now, I think what wilson is kind of benefiting from is the fact that he started out so hot right and so it takes us we have dumb brains that take about a month to catch up to reality when it comes to anything or let's just say it takes like four full nfl games for us to figure out what's actually going on and what happened four games ago so like at the start of the season everybody was thinking back to the last four games

of last year right that's how we like had ourselves adjusted to start the season off russ wilson was playing so well and then it took like another month month and a half for you know those first couple games to wear off a little bit other players like patrick mahomes to start playing well again uh for us to be like oh wait a second maybe russell wilson isn't by far the most dominant quarterback right now. Right, and

he does get the media

hype of, can you believe this guy's never gotten an MVP vote? And I actually think that it's a testament to Russell Wilson that, in a weird way, he hasn't gotten an MVP vote, but if you had to pick an MVP of the last five years, he'd win it. You know what I mean? He's always second or third.
Maybe he doesn't have the greatest statistical year, year in and year out, but he's incredible. He's an incredible quarterback.
I'm just saying this like, hey, Russ Wilson, this is his year. Not so fast.
Because Mahomes is fucking, he's 25 and one is ridiculous. 25 and one is ridiculous.
What happens now in Seattle? Because Pete Carroll just got an extension. Yeah.
Is he going to fire his defensive coordinator? He might have to. He might have to.
That would be kind of shitty if the day after the news breaks that your boss just got essentially a lifetime deal. You can retire when you want to as a Seahawk, and he walks in and immediately fires you.
I still think they're going to figure something out. I don't know.
Big Cat, you're falling for it. I know.
They're fraudulent. It's the I know.
I know. The jerseys.
The jerseys. It's Jamal Adams.
It's like, you know, I just think, oh, man, if they could just play halfway decent defense, they would be the best team in the NFC. But you're right.
It's probably not going to happen. And it's probably not going to get fixed.
Yeah. And so they basically have to win every game in a shootout, which is awesome because that's fun football.
But fuck, man. Russell Wilson is playing unbelievable, and you're going to waste it on a defense that can't do shit.
The crazy thing is if they played halfway decent defense for the remainder of the year, they'd still probably set the record for worst pass defense of all time. Right, right.
It's already, yeah, whatever, the die has been cast. I was going to say that Pete Carroll should bring back Dan Quinn

as defensive coordinator because he's not doing anything else.

But then I realized that Dan Quinn's Falcons this year

are the second worst pass defensive of all time that he put together.

So that's probably, it doesn't speak highly for the Pete Carroll coaching.

Yeah, which I actually would like to dig deeper in those stats.

I bet you, because the Falcons have actually played a little bit better defensively with Raheem Morris. I bet you the Dan Quinn Falcons are the worst.
I don't know. I bet you the Dan Quinn Falcons are the worst.
50 yards worse per game? Yeah, they might be. Because they've played a little bit better.
We are truly blessed to be living in an age where we have these two terrible defenses playing at the same time. Because it does result in these shootout games that come down to the very end.
An exciting football to watch. Yes.
I had an idea today when I read about the Pete Carroll extension. Should they count coaches' salaries towards the cap? Yeah, why not? That would be fun to see.
That would be fun. If teams would just load up on the most talented players possible and then just say, fuck it, and roll whoever, just a random dude out there.
Yes. Like a guy that has no experience to coach for $100,000 a year.

Yeah.

That'd be sick.

I mean, baseball's kind of doing it.

They just pay their managers nothing and have it run through a spreadsheet.

By the way, shout out Bruce Arians kicking a field goal there to make sure

the shutout doesn't happen.

I love when a coach does that.

You know, the shutout sucks.

So make sure you get three up there.

But, yeah, this game, the Bills look great. The Bills are coming off this, and you have to say to yourself, like, watch out because this was a game.
It was a big test game, and the Seahawks, I think they're frauds. I think they are.
Oh, I mean, they definitely are. They're the biggest frauds right now.
Their defense just can't be trusted whatsoever. And again, I still think they're going to figure it out.
Whatever. No, they're not going to figure it out.
They're not going to figure it out. But maybe they'll figure it out.
You've got to wear a rubber band around your wrist whenever you start thinking that way about the Seahawks. Just snap it.
I know. It's just some teams, you just always think the Ravens are going to play good defense.
The Seahawks are going to play good defense. The Bears will never have a quarterback.
Oregon's going to play fast. There's some things that Oklahoma's going to play fast and never play defense.
Yeah, the Dolphins will always suck. Right.
There's just things that you get in your head, and it's just very, very hard to figure it out. They could play bad defense for the next three years.
I'd be like, Legion of Boom, dude. Yeah.
All right, next up, speaking of Ravens. Ravens, Colts.
Ravens, 24. Colts, 10.
Say something nice about the Ravens. Well, they actually won a game where they were trailing at half.
Lamar Jackson was 0-6 in his career when trailing at half. They had 55 yards in the first half.
Looked absolutely terrible. And credit to them because that was a hard win against the – I don't even know what the Colts are.
We can talk about them in a minute. but the Ravens deserve credit for winning a game like that, where it was clear they didn't have their best game.
Their defense is phenomenal, but their offense still like just looks a little bit off, but to win that game, it's, I'm getting a step closer. Ravens fans, like those are the type of games we talk about where the Ravens have to play from down.
They're only down three, but still having to play from down, having to pass the ball, and they did pass the ball a little bit in the second half. Those are the things you've got to see out of the Ravens to start saying to yourself, okay, they can win in January.
It's also their defense. Their defense is awesome, and they were missing one of their best players.
Their defense is really good, And their defense wasn't in a situation where they could just pin their ears back,

which is probably my favorite football term.

It's like we're going to pin our ears back and get after the quarterback

because we know that we're going to be playing with the lead.

So they'll have to pass all the time.

So their defense played well in a situation where they didn't have to expect

the pass necessarily on every play for at least like three quarters of the game.

I think we need to talk about Phillip Rivers' attempt at tackling. I mean, that was the highlight of the season so far.
So if you missed it, Phil Rivers, there was a fumble, not Phil Rivers' fault, and it was basically, he was the last line of defense. He was the last guy there.
He tripped and fell, and then while on his back, He basically tried to throw his body upwards To tackle the guy who was running by I think it was Chuck Clark or something Running by him And it was You gotta be able to tackle a guy named Chuck Clark Maybe the greatest physical comedy that we've seen since Jameis Winston retired He did actually look like Jameis is getting warmed up Is he? Is he? Fuck yes. Fuck yes.
Jameis. If Jameis throws a pick six I'm going to lose it.
I'm going to nut. You're not going to be able to get these sweatpants off me.
He's not going to be able to let him throw it. Yeah.
It was. Philip Rivers was the proverbial obese tortoise on his back in the hot sun just trying to flip himself over.
J go james time james time let's go this time let's go i fucking love it i you know what i don't i don't blame philip rivers he's not a good tackler never has been which is shocking considering the amount of interceptions that he throws he but i don't blame him because he's got he's got child bearing hips his body his lower half of his body is just it's just sperm his legs are just filled with it's like the consistency of tapioca pudding he's not gonna be able to flip his hips on it he did like a reverse worm yeah at the person like trying to tackle him with just his body like throwing his body it was it was a phil rivers when phil rivers is down late and he does the like throw the ball into the ground or he's kicked the ball and he yells at his offensive line, it was that manifested into a tackle of a limp body on the ground. It's the same motion except he's just on the ground.
It's a reverse. Trying to do it.
It was so funny. So funny.
My favorite thing of the year so far. Now, he did turn his head, but he's running towards the sidelines, and then he sees that the guy's going to cut inside,

and his head turns, but his body keeps going.

Right.

And his body pulled the ejection seat on his brain.

He was a sniper.

We're falling down.

It's not worth it trying to make this tackle, Phillip.

To me, that is the best thing that's happened in the NFL all year.

I also think that his arm strength is obviously not great anymore,

and he had a bad game.

He had a tough game.

I'll see you next time. thing that's happened in the NFL all year.
I also think that his arm strength is obviously not great anymore. And he had a bad game.
He had a tough game. Jameis looks slim.
Yeah, he does. He's very slim.
Has he gone vegan? He's very, very slim. He's going to throw here.
Third and seven. Jameis throwing it and he completed it.
Hell yeah, Jameis. Way to go, Jameis.
Revenge game. Yeah.
Phil Rivers, so not a great game. I don't know what to make of the Colts.
And his arm motion, his throwing motion, I feel like has gotten even further down his waist. He is like a year away from being a straight-up submarine pitcher.
I don't know what it is. It's so bad watching it.
I don't want him to go out this way, but I feel like Phil Rivers is definitely going to be, if he tries to play another year after this year, it's going to be really bad because his body has, it's old. It's old and he can't, he just can't, like when you watch the Colts offense, he can't get the ball ball down the field, and there's so many missed passes.
Ah, it's sad. So I don't want to see Phil go out this way.
Phil, just try to get to the playoffs. Because the Colts aren't bad.
They're, I think, like the most mediocre or average team there is. Yeah.
Because if they have to play anyone even a little bit better than them, they will lose. And if they have to play anyone below them, they will win.

Listen, I agree with you 100% on the Colts.

I have been going back and forth because I thought

that the Colts were going to be awesome this year.

I was a sheeple and I thought,

this is my sleeper team because they got a good quarterback.

Quentin Nelson

in the offensive line is a beast

and they have a good defense too. But

Phillip Rivers, I think it's time for us to just accept the fact that we're going to have to say goodbye to Phillip Rivers. Guess what, though? The Colts play the Titans two of the next three games.
So if they can win those games, they basically would be in the playoffs. If they go 2-0 against the Titans, they would be in the playoffs.
One of my favorite things is Jacoby Brissett becoming the go-to Hail Mary guy for the Colts. It doesn't matter who their starting quarterback is.
If it's Andrew Luck, if it's Phillip Rivers, they're going to put him in. I've never seen him actually throw the ball a long way.
We don't know if Jacoby Brissett has a big arm on him. It's just bigger than Phil Rivers.
Because he usually just gets sacked on his Hail Mary attempts and doesn't have to throw, which is a great hustle for Jacoby if he can be the Hail Mary specialist that never actually has to pass. Right.
The Colts have a really weird schedule coming up. Four out of the next six games against the Titans or the Texans.
Ooh. That's kind of weird, right? They're about to eat.
They go Titans, Packers, Titans, Texans, Raiders, Texans. They are about to eat.
That's a very weird schedule. Yeah, so I'm not going to write them off, and I don't think that they're definitely not bad.
They just won't do anything. You can cross them off of doing anything remarkable.
I mean, could you imagine them playing the Chiefs? No. Well, I don't know.
I always get flashbacks because I feel like the Chiefs and the Colts, they play insane games against each other all the time in the playoffs and in the regular season. Yeah, that is true.
All right, next up. Let's do it.
What a handoff by Jameis. You see that stretch? Yep.
Jameis with a full extension. He's athletic.
Yep. That's the eyes.
Yeah. The depth perception is better now.
Let's talk Titans-Bears. The Bears are a fucking disgrace on the offensive side.

They're done.

I don't want to.

I feel so bad for this defense.

I feel bad for people that have to watch them on offense.

It's pathetic.

It is pathetic.

They had, so a couple stats.

At halftime, the Bears' leading rusher was Barkavius Mingo, a linebacker.

He was leading the Bears in rushing with 11 yards. Those 11 yards came on a fake punt.
That was the Bears' leading rusher was Barcavius Mingo, a linebacker. He was leading the Bears in rushing with 11 yards.
Those 11 yards came on a fake punt. That was the Bears leading rusher.
It was a pretty cool fake punt. It was a very cool fake punt.
It was basically Matt Nagy. Matt Nagy's going to go back and watch that fake punt and be like, you are a genius.
You are smarter than everyone. You know what's going to happen is Matt Nagy's going to have a new pocket pussy in Barcavius Mingo instead of Corderell Patterson.
He's going to hand the ball off to Barkevious Mingo at least three more times this year. I don't know.
When I was doing Dougs, everyone would make fun of me for running Shark Wheel over and over. Does Matt Nagy think that a jet sweep with Corderell Patterson is going to work the 70th time? It's crazy.
It's fucking crazy. He does not adapt whatsoever.
And I know the offensive line is horrific. Horrific.
They actually, my guy, what's his name? Arlington Hambright? Ham something. Is that his name? Arlington Hambright.
He came in in his first play. He got a false start.
It was great because the Bears were like on fourth and one, and they got back-to-back false starts. It's just a bad coached offensive team.
The defense is totally – it's almost two separate teams. I'm not even going to count the Bears' defense because the Bears' defense, if you want to feel bad for anyone, feel bad for the Bears' defense because they actually did a good job.
Ryan Tannehill had 10 completions. Derek Henry had 60 yards.
The Titans had 228 yards total. The Bears had three first downs in the first half and we've talked about the Titans defense.
Titans are giving up 62% conversion rate on third down. 62% on conversion.
Dead last. Horrendous.
The Bears went two for 15 on third down. I mean...
Two for 15. Three first downs in the first half.
That's to the point where you just want to turn the TV off and not even pay attention to the second half. And you know what the worst is? It's the soul-sucking brand of football to watch.
I've seen it myself. Pathetic.
You cannot get excited for that football. You tune in every weekend, and you're just like, all right, I'm going to sit here and just let you guys kick my ass visually for the next two hours.
It's mind-numbing. It is something about when you have the Bears jerseys on offense, everyone's covered, and the quarterback sucks.
That's just been it forever. It's never going to be different.
It's always going to be that way.'s no change to that it's going to be you go out there and you try to throw a seven yard out and it is blanket coverage and everything is painful and nothing works and nothing like the Chiefs and the Bears do not play the same sport no they straight up do not play the same sport when it comes to offense. Like when you see the Chiefs and you see Tyreek Hill running open, not anyone near him for 10 yards, the Bears have never had that.
They don't even have – if Nick Foles takes a 10-step drop, he still wouldn't have like five yards to be free because guess what? I'm at the point point now with the Bears offense that if like they can go four consecutive plays without a sack or an intentional grounding, that's a success. They don't even have to go forward.
They just don't have to go back. Not going back is a success.
Saying status quo, running David Montgomery into the middle of a terrible offensive line for two yards is actually a good offense. I understand your frustration, and it's certainly well-deserved.
It's not even frustration anymore. It's pathetic.
It's pathetic and disgusting, and I hate it. I also want to give you some perspective, some hashtag perspective on this.
The Bears handled their COVID situation much better than the Titans did, so you tell me who the winner is here. True.
Because the Titans, they had to cancel what, like two games? Move two games around? Bears, no. They're like, you know what? We'll take our ass kicking.
And that's a respectable thing to do. In a global health pandemic, the Bears have proven to be the more mature football team.
So congratulations. I have more sad stats.
In the last 10 years, there's been five teams that have started 5-1 and not made the playoffs. I don't think the Bears are going to make the playoffs this year.
Let's be honest. They're probably going to be home underdogs to the Vikings on Monday Night Football.
The Bears would be the sixth, and they also have another one in 2012. They started 7-1 and didn't make the playoffs.
I'm going to give Jameis Winston. He's taking a knee right now.
I'm awarding Jameis Winston with a save, with a quarterback save. There we go.
So he's the closer. Yes.
That's right. Yeah, well, yeah, I guess so.
There's other songs. There's other songs, Jake.
He's fire starter. One other stat, Big Cat.
I have another one too, but go ahead. Mitch Trubisky, 3-0 in games that he started.
Yeah, so they put that up there. And look, I actually do think that Mitch Trubisky – shout out Mike Wilbon, by the way, who tweeted in the third quarter, if I were on the Bears, I'd walk into Matt Nagy's offense and demand that Mitch Trubisky be in the game.
Mitch Trubisky was injured today, Mike. Yeah, he went out to Los Angeles, right? He saw a specialist.
He could not play. So I think Mitch Trubisky would be better with this offensive line than Nick Foles.
But that stat that's going around is very funny to me

because the third win was the Falcons game.

Then Nick Foles got all the stats and he got the win.

But he started, right?

Mitch did start.

Okay, so he set the tone.

Mitch also did start against really bad defenses.

He started against the Lions.

I don't even know who he played in the second.

Oh, the Giants, the Lions, and the Falcons. I'm just giving stats.
No, I know. I saw that graphic going around, and I do agree that Mitch Trubisky would be a better option right now than Nick Foles because the offensive line is so bad, you need someone who's mobile.
But, man, does this fucking team suck. And I'm so sick of Matt Nagy.
I'm so sick of the visor. Ior i'm so sick of his fucking bald ass head i'm sick of ryan pace not being able to figure out an offensive line i'm sick of all of it and guess what they're probably going to keep their jobs and then they're going to draft a quarterback and then they're going to get like three more years to build that quarterback and that quarterback's going to suck because he's got a fucking chicago bears jersey on and that means he's destined to be the worst quarterback in the world.
All right. Go off, King.
Also, Matt Nagy, can I just read to you real quick? In the nine third quarters this year, he has had seven total points. Okay.
Not a big adjustment guy. Seven total points.
That is eight goose eggs. And one game he had a touchdown.
Now now is there something to consider about the fact that nick foals does better the less prepared that he is overall overall whether he comes in as a backup whether he comes in for like the second half of the season or in the playoffs the more that he learns the playbook the worse that he gets typically like nick foals is a guy you put him out there you let him rip you put him out there in like the worst conditions possible in terms of like not really knowing what to do and he just naturally will find the right he's an instinctual guy right he's not a he's not a cerebral guy he's not thinking things through solving math equations back there he's just like you put him in the forest with uh with a spear and guess what he's going to be able to start a fire that night he'll'll build a hut. He'll cook some dinner.
He'll track down a buffalo and kill it. But if you give him the chance to design a city, he's going to have the sewers running into the power plant and the whole thing's going to blow up within a week.
Yes. Yeah.
No, you're right. I just hate this fucking...
I hate watching this team play offense. What is up with Matt Nagy? The fact...
Matt Nagy, when he got this job with the Bears, he knew he was a fraud. He's like, this is Eric Biennium's offense I'm getting a shitload of credit for.
I better not say anything and just take the paycheck. He's just, oh, it's maddening.
I think they're going to keep him, too. We're going to talk to Deion about this, but I think Matt Nagy has lost the locker room.
No, he hasn't, though. No, I think he has, because whenever you have a situation where it's like one side of the ball is so much better than the other the defense is just like sitting in the locker room what the fuck are these clowns doing right now yes no absolutely I still think they need to lose a couple more times for it to fully fall apart because 5-4 is still 5-4 and if they win win on Monday night, it's like, oh, it's six and four.

It's still got a shot.

But man, do they suck.

And credits to Titans, Titans fans, that Ryan Tannehill pass to A.J.

Brown was a fucking dime.

Yeah.

Well, A.J.

An absolute dime.

I'm going to start respecting the Titans receivers.

I think that they don't get as much credit as they should because they all kind of like

they're all kind of built like Titans.

I feel like every time that I've seen a Tennessee wide receiver in receiver in the last 10 12 years yeah aj brown's a monster he's uh he's pretty big isn't he no he's short how how tall is everything cory davis yeah you're thinking of course aj brown six feet aj brown six feet yeah you're thinking of cory davis cory davis is very big i am thinking of court he's a guyU, right? Western Michigan. Western Michigan.
Roadboat. But I do need to respect the Tennessee Titans wide receivers more.
Yeah. They're very good.
No, they are, yeah, I don't know. The whole fucking thing.
I just don't like watching the Bears play football. And unfortunately, that's their job, to play football.
Like, I would actually enjoy watching the Bears play tennis or watching the Bears I don't know bowl I I'm sure they were good at all that stuff but playing football they're just not that good and they're five and four so AJ Brown is six feet tall but he's 225 yeah but he's so he's short so he's not he's more like five he's a big boy yeah he's not a tight, you're thinking of Corey Davis. So, yeah, that's it.
And I'm sure by the time I say all of this, I'm as down as I could possibly be because I just keep watching this terrible offense play football every fucking week. By Monday night against the Vikings, I'm going to be like, the Bears are going to win.
They're going to be 6-4. This is going to be sick.
Well, it's Kirk Cousins in primetime. This is a get-right game for the Bears.
If you can't beat Kirk Cousins in a Monday night football game then yeah it's time have you pressed the panic button because Matt Nagy just fucking no I mean there's no panic button it's just they're bad offensive football team and I keep saying that's qualifier offensive football team because that's the thing that kills me the most if they were the 15th ranked offense they would be a legitimate contender in the in the NFC no joke if they were 15th ranked offense but if they were that good on offense you think the defense would get worse there's like an element of like no they'd get better when you've got a really good defense and a super shitty offense then the defense is like we have to win this game no because I think the defense is teetering on that level of like, this is pointless. So I think the defense would get better if they were like, hey, we could maybe take a few more risks and play with that edge.
They had it a couple times. The Bucs game, I want to say, they were playing with some edge.
The whole thing sucks. All right.
Oh, shit. Jameis just ate a W on TV.
Yes, he did. He just ate a fucking W behind Drew Brees.
I love him. I love Jameis.
I love him. We want more Jameis, please.
We do. We need more Jameis.
All right. Panthers Chiefs.
Joe Brady should be the next coach of the Bears, please. Yeah.
Do it. He was my sleeper.
Remember when we were talking about who the next head coaches are going to be? He's a guy that's going to wow somebody in an interview and be like, I know this guy doesn't have the experience, but look at the track record where he's been. He's an offensive genius.
I mean, he has the Panthers playing competitive football, and they do not have a great roster. And I love Matt Rule's chutzpah today.
He went for it on fourth and one on the 10-yard line. I don't think you can say that about a Baylor coach.
What? Chutzpah? Yeah. His nuts.
His nuts. Yeah.
He went for it on fourth and one on the 10-yard line in the first quarter because he was like, fuck it, we're playing the Chiefs, need a touchdown, can't have a field goal, gets a touchdown. He does the fake punt, which was an awesome play.
Teddy Bridgewater and the Panthers play competitive football. They don't give up.
And, yeah, I was impressed because there's no, like, moral victory or losses in this league. But, fuck, the Panthers try.
They really do. They try really, really hard, and that's worth something.
And Joe Brady does a great job game planning. And Teddy Bridgewater launching himself into space on that 4th and 14 was awesome.
That was the best. That was like the old, was it Sage Rosenfels? When he went down, he was playing against the Colts when he was on the Texans.
And he got helicoptered and dropped the ball. That was what he was trying to do.
Teddy just jumped over everyone. And Teddy's finally reached the point where when he gets hit, I'm not holding my breath anymore.
I'm just like, this is awesome. I love watching Teddy Bridgewater play.
Shout out to Andy Reid for figuring out that you can put a quarterback in motion in the backfield, and then everybody lost their mind by it. That's one of those things that's so simple that you're like, why hasn't anybody else done that? Maybe it's because they don't have Patrick Mahomes or Andy Reid's brain, but it seems like something that somebody would have figured out before now.
Yeah. And it was probably, at the end of the day, unnecessary.
You didn't have to put them in motion to run that play. But it looked a whole lot cooler because they did.
Yes. And Patrick Mahomes, 100 touchdowns.
So 100 career touchdowns, 40 games, fastest to do it. I don't know why they don't count postseason because it's just weird to say 100 touchdowns.
It's wait, he's had way more than that, right? Because then you have players that don't get to play in the postseason. But I say count them.
Yeah, count them. If you're good enough to get to the postseason, you're worth something.
But he's starting, and this is why the Chiefs are so scary. They couldn't run the ball today.
They had 30 yards, and then they're like, all right, we have 446 yards passing. And you go back a couple weeks when they played in that sloppy game uh i don't even remember who was against the bills they're like yeah let's just have 250 yards running they can do everything they can literally do everything i don't know like yes this game was close yes they probably should have beaten them by more but still it that's not how the nfl works like the margin between the best team and the 15th best team is pretty slim still.
So winning these games, I'm never going to be like, oh man, the Chiefs should have blown them out. They kind of had control the entire second half.
They've also had some injuries on their line. And when their line gets banged up, when their line gets banged up, that's when they play in these close games.
But Patrick Holmes does drift. Remember Jeff Schwartz? He does.
He does drift. He drifts outside the pocket, and he sometimes makes his tackles look bad.
Yeah, Jeff Schwartz pointing that out with his dirty spoon. Yeah, the backside.
I think he's eating Captain Crunch with a spoon, and in between bites he's just holding it in front of his Android tablet. Yeah, he can hear it in his throat.
So yeah the um the chiefs are definitely by far the best team in the nfl and then uh you mentioned this last week but joey sly had a very impressive miss field goal bad for him his miss field goal this week was more impressive 67 yarder yeah had the distance yep it actually had more than the distance because it also missed wide right by about 15 yards yep so that probably would have been good from 80 if it was right down the nut it's not fair that they keep putting him out here for these crazy long field goals because he keeps missing them yeah and it's like but that's not no one's hitting a 67 yarder unless you're in mile high joey sly could joey sly could in mile high maybe but i i was remembering uh remember that when they did that story that story about how Shane Battier used to hold on to the ball for an extra second at the end of quarters and not throw up the three so it wouldn't hurt his field goal percentage? Joey Sly is getting the opposite of that. He just has to trot out there and be like, yep, 70-yarder, Joey.
Oh, your field goal percentage is now down. Right, it fucks with that, but it also, there's no rush, like going out there and trying to 67.
I would assume it's the, like, I always liked doing that at the end of games. Like remember at the end of the first half in that Oakland game, 10 years ago, you had him try a 76 yard field goal.
It's awesome. And he took a two step approach and it landed like 13 yards short in the end or right in front of the end zone.
Could you imagine if there ever is a kicker who has like 70 in his back pocket? Jadikowski did. No, but like consistent 70, like to the point where a team actually feels like they're in field goal range at the 50-yard line.
That would be an incredible weapon. I think that there are multiple kickers in the NFL that are good from 65.
Like, okay, Tucker, obviously. I don't know if Tucker has that.
Yes, oh yes, oh yes. No, I'm talking about like, but that's still...
But 65, he's not going to hit 9 out of 10 times. There's a difference between not being able to do it and coaches that are too conservative to try to do it.
But I don't think you can hit it at that percentage. Because you have to basically hit it at a 9 out of 10 to have it be worth the field flipping.
Oh, like 90%? Yeah, yeah. From 65.
That's what I'm saying. Obviously not.
I'm saying if there were ever a kicker who had 9 out of 10 from 65 in their back pocket, what that would do. That doesn't exist right now.
The steroids market would be through the roof at that point. That doesn't exist.
I think that a 60-yarder now is like what a 50-yarder was back in 1999.

Absolutely.

So, like, kickers are getting way, way better,

and I think it takes coaches a good 10, 15 years to catch up to that fact

because they learn from old coaches who are still stuck in their old mindsets.

Well, and if you miss it, you look like an idiot

because you flipped the field right there.

You look like an idiot.

I think that Justin Tucker would probably be, like, 60% from 60 yards. Can you look it up? Can you look up Justin Tucker? 60 plus in his career.
That's why actually Zane Gonzalez, which we'll get to with the Cardinals, it was shocking that he was short on 49. The smart thing was Joey Sly, he's jacked his shit.
He's got huge arms. So that just kind of implies to the coach, it strongly suggests, hey, this kicker's strong enough to make a long field goal because he's jacked as shit.
He's got huge arms. Oh, yeah.
So that just kind of implies to the coach it strongly suggests, hey, this kicker is strong enough to make a long field goal because he sees the biceps on old Joey Sly. Yes.
So that's the trick. If you're a kicker that wants to attempt 60-plus yard field goals, just stop doing squats and just do curls.
Yeah. All right, so speaking of strong, PFT, do you know what maybe the strongest truck is? The strongest truck on the market? Just if you had to guess off the top of your head.
I don't have the ad pulled up in front of me. I really don't.
I'll pull it up in a second, but I'm going to guess it's the Chevy Silverado. You're right.
Just because I've been a truck guy in my past. You're right.
I've sold trucks in my past. I've driven trucks in my past, and by far the best truck that I've ever driven are sold was a Chevy Silverado, except I didn't get a chance to actually sell one because nobody would turn them in.
We never got them in on trade because they are very long lasting trucks. No one ever wants to get rid of them.
I love Chevy Silverados. They're sweet, man.
They are some strong ass trucks. The strongest, most advanced Silverado ever.
It just came out. The Silverado is strong.
It's advanced. It's dependable, and it's hardworking.
The Silverado is dependable just like the people that drive them. The design is big, bold, and commanding.
It's a truck that turns heads. That's pretty sweet.
It's just driving down the street in an awesome truck, blasting some good tunes out, and people look at you, and they just look your truck up and down like they want to climb in the back, if you know what I'm saying. Joe Diffie said it best, nothing like a pickup man.
And Chevy is our partner. They've got grit and determination.
Anything's possible. Silverado is a partner in that.
They are the fullback of trucks. I can say that for certain about Chevy Silverado.
You can use them to tailgate. You can haul things around, get a big screen TV.
You can put a couch in there, tailgate equipment. Nothing like going to a tailgate with your truck.
Picking people up, that's actually one of the most alpha power moves that you can ever make in your life is when you're talking about who's going to go to the tailgate this weekend, how are we getting there. You'd be like, why don't you guys just get in my truck.
We'll put all the stuff in the back, and then you're in charge of that tailgate situation. You feel great.
They're great for road trips. Good for helping out a friend or a family member who's trying to move.
Moving day is a cinch and you can take them off-roading too. Chevy Silverados are amazing.
We love Chevy. They're our first truck partner, part of my take.
Hopefully the only truck partner that we ever have because I don't know if I'm going to be able to read an ad for a different truck that i might not believe in as much as i truly believe in chevy silverados we love chevy silverados you will too go check them out go test drive one i guarantee you you sit in a chevy silverado you take a test drive you'll be taking that puppy home uh shout out the uh saints official twitter account by the way for tweeting out uh james win, Tampa, Florida. Yeah, I saw that there was a video that went along with that, but let's see what the video was.
Yeah, and the EW was electric. By the way, there's only been 22 total field goals in NFL history over 60.
He has one of them. I don't know how many he's missed, but he's made one.
I don't think he's missed more than – he's probably like 50, 50. I i wonder what he would do like if you put him out there and he's 65 game action what he would hit in practice i bet you he hits nine out of ten yeah 65 yards but with a pass rush and a snap career 50 plus he's 41 of 58 so that's not yeah so that's not uh nine out of ten no it's not that's eight out He would not be 9 out of 10 in a game situation We're bad at math 41 of 58 41 of 58, 4 out of 6 That's about 67% I was going to say it's about 66.66 repeating I like to do these thought starters in my brain though What if a guy could hit a 65 yarder guaranteed like guaranteed what if a pitcher could throw 110 miles an hour yeah like what if i mean steph curry like what if there's a nba player who legitimately could hit 40 from half court i would make a lot of money betting on that person yeah i mean these are fun things like just to stretch as far as you can go what if a human being could run the 100 yard dash in five seconds whoa that'd be really fast that'd be fucking really fast um dk metcalf might be able to no uh all right lions vikings i just feel bad for matt stafford at this point uh he had the covid list all week played got a concussion just sucks and the vikings are starting to play well the vikings are playing well like the dalvin cook dalvin cook should be the he will be the uh response to everyone being like don't pay running backs everyone will now start saying but dalvin cook because he does make that much of a difference for the vikings yeah and i still believe don't pay running backs like top top dollar will probably fuck your roster.
But if you have Kirk Cousins and you know you can't trust Kirk Cousins, maybe you should pay Dalvin Cook because he's that good. I mean, this is exactly what happens every single time with running back.
We know not to pay running back. Right.
But there's always one or two in the NFL that you're like, game changer. Game changer.
You got to pay that guy. Maybe that's really what it is.
He's a playmaker. Just only pay Christian McCaffrey, Dalvin Cook.
So like Ezekiel Elliott was that guy a couple years ago. And you're like, the offense runs through Ezekiel Elliott.
And as far as he goes, that's as far as Dak will go. Turns out that's not true.
Right. But we thought that it was.
And before that, it was like Todd Gurley. And then turns out that wasn't true.
Right. We're so dumb.
It happens to us literally every single year. And Dalvin Cook is, for this moment in time, he is worth what you would be paying Ezekiel Elliott.
Then the question becomes, once you pay him and he gets a couple more years under him, he's got some injury concerns, then will we be looking back at that contract and be like, damn it, why did I pay Dalvin Cook? And the answer is yes, you will, but you should still do it because he's really good right now. Right, so he is now the answer.
He's the poster boy for yes, you should pay him. We keep touching the electric fence and hoping that we're not going to get shot.
Fucking computer always does this. I hate ESPN's new autoplay.
ESPN is a piece of shit. ESPN is what Sports Illustrated was.
Suck my dick. When you couldn't fucking figure out how to turn off auto plays on every single fucking thing that you did.
You can't do find and page right now because guess what it thinks find and page is? It thinks it's goddamn full screen video. Every time.
That you auto play. Every time.
So I can't look up people's names on your fucking box scores. Dude.
Suck my dick ESPN. They're one second away from doing, shout out my guy Robert Little, Black Sports Online.
for back in the day when you go to his website he would just have his podcast playing. Getting those fucking downloads going.
Autoplay. Podcast.
Baller move. ESPN's about to do that.
We're about to fucking do this and hear Pablo Torre every fucking day. And then all of a sudden it's going to be fucking what's his name? name the the stats guy bill barnwell fix your fucking site i'm so sick of having these and they somehow beat like my computer my computer i'll hit mute and then it will override the mute being like no you really wanted to listen to this i also like i'm so dumb i was just like who's the stats guy you know the guy that talks about numbers all the time that's guy the guy guy.
The guy that's into numbers? Yeah, the numbers, dude. All right.
So, yeah, Lions-Vikings. Vikings are playing well.
Vikings do officially have won the itty-bitty run crown. They're going to go on the itty-bitty run.
They transferred it. So I think that they have confirmed themselves as being the best bad team in the NFL.
Yes. They are about to do the itty-bitty run that I thought the Lions were lions were going to do wait but i said i said the winner of this game will officially have the torch of the itty bitty run itty bitty run or itty bitty baby run itty bitty baby run they have the bears fuck i think you're going to beat you're going to beat the vikings but then remember they have the cowboys the panthers and the jaguars all at home right so this is it-bitty baby run for the Vikings.
They're getting two itty-bitty baby runs split up by the Bears.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe.

But they're playing good football.

They really are.

And it's a credit to Mike Zimmer.

This is like there's certain coaches that even when things go bad,

they'll get them back to an even level.

You know what I mean?

Where a team won't play bad football for Mike Zimmer for an entire season entire season yeah i think it's because they're actually afraid of mike zimmer he's like a rare coach that you think he might kill somebody right over the course of a season like he brings it i'm sure he brings his rifles in during hunting season puts him up on his wall probably still wears like the orange vest that he just like he crawled out of the woods after spending 12 hours in there overnight stalking one particular deer, and he didn't get, so he's still bloodthirsty. Still the best was when we showed up to the Vikings facility, and Mike Zimmer was parked in the coach's spot, and he had no less than seven pouches of Redman in his car.
And I'm pretty sure that each pouch of Redman wasn't completely done. No.
They were all seven partially filled red man yeah he likes that freshness he's like opening a tennis ball yeah he probably like walks to the convenience store that's his exercise every day walks to the same guy buys one pack of red man uh yeah so the vikings are playing well lions i to to add insult to injury i follow enough lions fans online it seems like only are the Lions going to be bad and waste another year of Matt Stafford, but they are also up to same old Lions shit with Kenny Galladay's contract, and they're probably going to lowball him. He's probably going to have to retire just so he doesn't have to play for the Lions anymore.
So good job. Yeah, It was tough watching Chase Daniel get in the game today because he is like, I don't actually play football.
No. You just pay me to stand here and that's how my job works.
Like I'm 11 years in and I don't do this. And they brought him in the game.
They're like, you need to pass the ball now. He's like, I need to what? Yeah.
Excuse me? No, no, no. You don't understand.
I get my check every Tuesday. You got the wrong guy.
Yeah. I the quarterback room behind Matt, and I make him laugh twice a day.
And people like me. And I'm a good person to be around.
People enjoy me. I'm always a hit during rookie hazing things.
I know all the fight songs to tell people to sing. Oh, man.
All right, next up, Giants, Washington football team. I tweeted this stat.
Daniel Jones, Daniel Jones in his his career he is one in 16 verse every football team not named the washington football team and four and oh verse the washington football he's a kryptonite big cat daniel jones is the one kryptonite for the washington football team and uh we stink it's well it's now comical to just like if you want a good laugh if you're just sitting there on a Monday, you know, back at work, like, fuck, I really want to, you know, it was nice out this weekend, probably had a good weekend, and you want a good laugh, just go pull up the NFC East standings, because it now is Eagles in first, commanding lead 3-4-1, Washington football team 2-6, Cowboys 2-7, Giants 2-7. All of them are a game out.
We're all in the hunt. It's never been done before.
It sucks that the Giants have the tiebreaker over us. It's going to come down to that at the end of the year.
I don't trust the Eagles to stick around. I keep going back and forth on them, but fuck it.
I'm still convinced that the Washington football team is in hunt having alex smith come out in the game to replace kyle allen who dislocated his who ruined his leg on that same spot on the field where alex smith suffered his injury shout out to siano by the way for just not giving a warning and being like hey here let's go let's go oh yeah he was like wow He's like, now we go to Washington where Kyle Allen gets sacked.

And then we just see his fucking leg mangled.

Guess what happened if you were watching Scott Hansen?

Because I was actually, I said to Leroy when this happened.

No, no, Jake, just listen.

Shut up, Jake.

This is a brilliant test case scenario.

Because I even said to Leroy what a pro's pro Scott Hansen was when this happened. Kyle Allen breaks his ankle.
It cuts to the game. And Scott Hansen freezes it.
As Kyle Allen's dropping back, he goes, we're going to freeze this right now. Oh, my God.
There's a gruesome injury that's about to happen. We're going to show it one time.
If you want to look away, now would be a good time to look away from your television. If you're squeamish.
If you're a squeamish person. He gave you a good five seconds to opt out of seeing Kyle Allen's ankle get dislocated and wrapped around his shin.
Then he started to play in slow-mo, played it one time, said that's it. As an NFL network correspondent, let me be the first to say I hope that he heals well.
It was a very professional, very tasteful thing that he did. Incredible.
I did it. He also used the words.
He said Dalvin Cook is getting buku yards today. He did.
Siciliano could not have been more opposite. He literally showed it.
And he's like, and Kyle Allen drops back and he gets sacked. Oh, and he's down with an injury.
And it's like, what? What the fuck? We don't want't want to see that he's like let's see it again roll that tape again listen and zoom in on his leg so everyone at home can see this i like siciliano but in this certain circumstance i just wrong i just really truly appreciate what scott hansen did about ditching direct tv i said i said i said out loud i was like hansen would never I'm happy to know that he wouldn't. He did not.
I went back in my head through all the quarterbacks that the Washington R-Word slash football team franchise has had. Well, it's a long list over the last 20 years.
I think it's only bested by the Browns at this point. But if you go back to Robert Griffin, I think every quarterback except for Kirk Cousins has gone out with a bad leg injury.
It was bad. So it was Alex Smith, Colt McCoy broke his leg like one game after Alex Smith.
Mark Sanchez, he suffered an injury. I think he had to get surgery on.
Josh Johnson came in, played pretty well for a couple games. Then he had surgery on his ankle immediately, the last game he heard it, and we never heard from him again.
And then after him, we obviously had Dwayne Haskins. I guess he just had butt issues.
What is he going to do? He had diarrhea. Is he going to get traded? He's the backup right now.
So we're going to roll with Alex Smith. We announced that after the game.
Do you think Ron Rivera saw Kyle Allen get hurt and wasn't immediately feeling bad for Kyle Allen, but more bad for himself? Because he's like, shit, there might be a chance that I have to put in Dwayne Haskins again. I mean, if there was any time to put Dwayne Haskins in, it was after a carbon copy injury of Alex Smith's injury happened.
So, no, he doesn't want to play Dwayne Haskins. This game stunk.
It was bad. The fumble, the 50-yard fumble play, that was NFC beast in a nutshell right now.
So good. It was a Benny Hill skit.
Daniel Jones, no turnovers. Yeah, that's true.
I actually heard the announcer say, like, wow, and Daniel Jones really took a great sack right there not fumbling the ball. Yeah.
So he's learning a little bit. Listen listen i'm not going to get back on the daniel jones thing but there are two different types of turnovers like daniel jones is a turnover guy because he tries to extend plays he's not a turnover guy because he can't see it yeah like jamis couldn't see it daniel jones he tries too hard so maybe you can coach out of him probably not? You probably can't.
Just make him, you know what? It's like training a dog and making them a little bit tired. Have him do laps if you're Joe Judge before the game starts.
And just get him so tired that he'll go down easier. Yeah.
Shout out to Terry McLaurin. Terry McLaurin is an awesome wide receiver.
Much like Allen Robinson is a bright spot for your Bears offense. Not anymore because he came to get fucking good and alex smith did have 325 yards today and he didn't get injured yeah he threw three picks but he also had 325 yards yeah so uh the nfc east continues to be hilarious i really the only thing that sucks is the jets not being able to win a single game has ruined the uh ability to say the Cowboys, the Washington football team, and the Giants are one game out of first place and one game out of the first pick.
Because that would have been nice to be able to say that because it would have been true. And it's insane that it would have been true, but it would have been true.
Yeah. I'll give you one guess.
Who do you think led the Giants in rushing today?

Oh, I don't know.

Alfred Morris.

Ooh.

Alfred Morris.

Throwback.

Here's a name from 2012. Hell yes.

My mistake.

He was one yard behind.

He had 67 yards.

Goleman had 68 yards.

That's awesome.

But pretty much had, he pretty much led the Giants in rushing.

Alfie.

All right.

Other games that, who cares?

Texans-Jaguars.

Who cares? Jake Lutton.

He did it. He tried.
Six spin move.

Dude, six spin move.

Credit to Doug Marone for throwing him out there.

Mike Lennon probably would have scored zero points

and elicited

ten punts. I think Mike

Lennon would have broke his spine if he

tried to do that spin move. Yeah, the Texans

are not good, but they're better

than the Jaguars. Yep.
That's really

all we learned from this game than the Jaguars.

Yep.

That's really all we learned from this game.

The Jaguars, they're feisty.

They're not good.

They're not good.

They'll play.

They're not going to stop playing.

They'll come out there and they'll put points up if they have to,

but they don't want to.

When Jake Luton was playing,

do you think there was any part of Doug Marone was like,

you better not win this fucking game? Well, yeah, he kind of gave some Gardner Minshew vibes. Maybe that's the key to the Jaguars.
Just keep drafting like six round guys, hoping they're good for a little bit and you can convince yourself maybe you got a great deal in the draft and then find out probably not and just keep doing that over and over. Well, so it could be like a cyclical thing where you just increase the value of these guys that you take in the draft and then find out probably not and just keep doing that over and over well so it could be like a cyclical thing where you you just increase the value of these guys that you take in the sixth and seventh round yep and then every offseason you trade them away for a fifth round pick yeah so you keep rebuilding by just like you know jumping up yeah it's like you're day trading with quarterbacks yeah the fifth rounder then becomes a fourth dougie day trader i like that uh all right so that was that game.
Broncos-Falcons, I have a little blind resume for you. Ready? Yeah.
Player A. Player A.
Drew Locke. 52% completion, 509 yards, one touchdown.
Player B, 56% completion, 662 yards, five touchdowns. Who are you taking? Over what time frame are we talking about uh this season oh this season uh player b yeah player b is uh they're actually both drew lock player b is drew lock in the second half player a is drew lock in the first half okay because drew that's good he's clutch drew lock is i think our new fantasy garbage time king because they were, it was basically the exact same game as last week.
They scored six points in the first half. They looked terrible.
And then with, like, ten minutes to go, like, hey, let's start playing some offense. And they put up a bunch of yards.
Jerry Judy had a good game. And the Broncos have a shitload of weapons.
I'm just curious if Drew Locke actually feels like at this point that it's almost a tryout this last stretch of the season because the Broncos, if they don't win enough games, they will be in a spot where they could possibly take one of these quarterbacks. So with some nice weapons around them, do they move move on from drew lock after this year if he can't kind of play his way into the job at the end of the year it all depends on what's going to happen with vic fangio so vic fangio is probably i'm going to guess he's going to be gone maybe you know he's had some tough luck with injuries this year too but um he's probably going to be gone this offseason and then it becomes john elway who he going to bring in, and then what 6'5 quarterback is going to be available in the draft.
Let me actually look real quick. I don't hate Drew Locke.
He just has been playing so bad in the first half that it's like they're down. All right, Trey Lance is 6'4".
Okay, yeah. Good, not great.
But he's also like, I feel like John Elway likes those Plain State guys. Yep.
That kind of exists just standing tall out in the wind for a couple years. He likes those.
Yep. Justin Fields is 6'3".
So, good, not great. Zach Wilson is 6'3".
B-. And Trevor Lawrence, which they won't have a chance at, is 6'6".
So that's really... Okay, so they're not going to get him.
You've got to trade everyone for Trevor Lawrence. Which he might do.
Although 6'4 is nothing to sneeze at if you're John Elway. Yeah, so trade Lance.
And trade Lance kind of fits perfectly. Like you can make the...
Oh, yeah, North Dakota State, Denver. That's the same area.
That's what I'm saying. He's a Plains guy.
He's a great... He likes the Black Hills.
Yeah. So, yeah, this game...
Falcons are in the point where they are going to win enough games to really fuck over their draft pick. Because they're just – For a coach who's not on the team right now.
Right. Matt Ryan played pretty well, and their defense is playing better, and they're just going to do it.
That's what the Falcons are set up to do now is to finish the stretch by winning. They're going to end up 6-10, 7-9, and be like, wait, we ended up with the 15th pick how the fuck did that happen we suck so if it were you or i and we're deciding between if we wanted to coach a team that went uh seven and nine barely missed the playoffs or a team that went like one and and 15 and has like the first overall pick or maybe went 3-13, has the second overall pick,

we would probably do the team that is better positioned in the draft

to do a full rebuild.

But I feel like real football guy coaches

would rather take a team that went 7-9.

You know what I'm saying?

Yes.

So Eric Bien-Ami might be more on board with going to the Falcons

if they end up respectable this year. Yeah.
I think if you're talking about like an Eric Biennemi or a Joe Brady, it's all about can they get their guy, their quarterback. So do they have the draft capital to get their guy? I think that's how most coaches grade where they'd want to go is all about the quarterback.
Yeah, especially the offensive guy. Because that's really kind of, I mean, that's like whether you're going to get a second contract or not is if you have a good quarterback.
I also, I feel like enough time has passed. We should start doing the hypothetical, like, should the Broncos offer Andrew Luck $200 million? We should start doing that.
Is he the new Brett Favre?

Yeah, let's just start doing that.

Why can't we just start doing that in the media?

Let's just start throwing out fake numbers

to bring Andrew Luck out of retirement

in situations that feel like they're a quarterback.

The Broncos do feel like

if they had a really, really good quarterback,

they would be a competitive team

in the playoff picture. I do think that.
We have to figure out what the connection is between John Elway and Oliver Luck because all roads flow through Andrew Luck's dad. Stanford.
Yeah. There you go.
Boom. The connection's there.
I mean, we just talked ourselves into it. Easy.
Bring him in. A little outdoors.
Andrew Luck likes to hike. He likes to travel.
He likes to read. Here we go.
Here we go, big cat. All that shit.
Andrew Luck. Yeah.
Jim Harbaugh. Yes.
To the Broncos. Get that Stanford connection going.
Perfect. Put them together.
I love it. Yes.
I love it. So let's start going.
Get it going. How amazing would that be to have in the AFC West? You get Jim Harbaugh, Andy Reid, and John Gruden.
Yes. Yes.
And then we need the Chargers to just hire Rex Ryan. Yeah.
And then we'd have the perfect division. Yes.
Do it. Do it, Broncos.
Dude, I'm just saying. Let's start to Andrew Luck.
I'll bet you. Enough time has passed.
Although Andrew Luck might have spent enough time outside of Jim Harbaugh's orbit that he learned that life in football doesn't have to be like Jim Harbaugh makes it all the time. Yeah.
And he strikes me as a guy that probably doesn't, that Jim Harbaugh might wear thin on after a couple years. Let's get Andrew Luck on the pod.
He's too intellectually curious. Hey, Sam Schwartstein, you're listening to this right now.
Can we finally get Andrew Luck on the pod please yeah like enough time has passed sam actually sam texted me a very funny video early this morning of uh ellinger from texas a ref came up behind him and just like squeezed his ass for five seconds nice juicy yesterday it's a nice thick ass so sam get us andrew luck we will then we don't we won't say that he's coming back actually no we got do the terrorist thing. Sam, if you don't get us Andrew Luck on the pod, we are going to start a new Andrew Luck rumor every single week.
And it's going to have legs. And that's going to be it.
And our hands are tied. You know what? As a former XFL player, I have a lot of insight into league circles, and I've heard certain rumors about Andrew.
I'm not going to expand on that, my XFL Andrew Luck rumors, but that's just one example of something that we might say in detail. We might say it.
Yeah. So Andrew Luck seems like he's coming back.
He has one game against Colorado. Yeah.
370 yards, three touchdowns. Oh, he likes it.
Oh, Stanford. Oh, nice.
Nice. Nice.
Good research. It wasn't in Colorado, but.
Oh, that's fine. It doesn't matter.
Whatever. They bring the air with them.
Yeah. Yeah.
Air travel. All right.
Dolphins Cardinals. The Dolphins are going to the playoffs.
The Dolphins are going to the playoffs. The Dolphins are a good team.
They are a good football team. Tua looked awesome.
He looked awesome. The Dolphins are going to the playoffs.
Their defense is feisty. The Dolphins are going to the playoffs.
Tua looks very mobile. His hip, I think we can safely say, after spending like eight months of analyzing him when he's walking, just like through a hallway carrying a briefcase, I think we can safely say that Tua's hip is 100%.
Yeah. I actually, Jake, I don't want to jinx this but i have the dolphins going 10 and 6 well 10 and 6 i think they can go on a big run the next four opponents their combined record 7 24 and 1 there you go so they're playing the bengals yeah okay that's a nice giveaway uh think the Dolphins are a good football team.
Chargers, Broncos, Jets, Bengals. Yeah, they've graduated from feisty to just a good football team.
This was a good win for them. We got to start talking about Coach of the Year, Brian Flores.
Yes, absolutely. And speaking of Coach of the Year, Cliff Kingsbury, what the fuck are you doing? What is Cliff Kingsbury doing? That was chicken shit football.
So to set the stage, it was a little over two minutes left, I want to say. They had two timeouts.
Actually, it was after the two-minute warning. They had two timeouts left.
They were on the, what, like there was a 49-yard field goal. So they were on like the 32 or something, 35.
They're down three, fourth and one, and he elects to kick the field goal. The Dolphins have all their timeouts, by the way, so he kicks the field goal to try to tie the game and give the ball back to Tua, who then could easily go back down the field and win the game because the Cardinals' defense has been playing terrible all day long.
They missed the field goal, but even in the moment, dude, go for the first down. Try to get the win.
What are you doing? Your defense has been bad all day. He's a pretty boy.
It's crazy that a coach that should be advanced in all this stuff is making a decision like that where the best case scenario, if you hit that field goal, is that you can maybe win the coin flip in overtime and win that way. That's the best-case scenario because there's still two minutes left.
It was crazy. I don't know why the fuck he did that.
That was chicken shit football. I wish they had gone for it.
And, yeah, that's all I got to say about Flip Kingsbury. And then the kicker pulled a reverse Joey Sly and hit a 49-yarder that went short.
Short. It landed short.
It's a classic Zane move.

And then Kyler Murray just stared the kicker down afterwards,

which, Kyler, you are not one to be making any assumptions

or judgments about somebody for being a little short.

Okay, buddy?

Sure.

We can talk about this man-to-man if you want, Kyler,

but you don't look at your kicker that way.

Chicken shit football.

Chicken shit football.

I'm looking at the Dolphins' schedule.

It's 10-6.

They're going to beat the Broncos.

They're going to beat the Jets.

The Bengals could be a toss-up.

They're playing frisky.

Raiders, Patriots,

and then the Bills might not have anything to play for in the last week.

There you go.

Okay.

The Dolphins are going to the playoffs. The Dolphins are going to the playoffs.
All right, Raiders, Chargers. Speaking of playoff teams, the Raiders might be going to the playoffs.
The Chargers, like, dude, you're just doing it on purpose now. They are doing it on purpose.
39th, one score loss in the last five years. Even extra, they lose on the one-yard line, and they call it a touchdown, and anyone who was watching knew right away it wasn't a touchdown, but the refs had a bet.
Oh, yeah, I saw it bounce. I was like, that's not a touchdown.
The refs were on the other side of it, so they ruled it a touchdown. I knew that was coming back, and it was so painful that they did that to the Chargers and Chargers fans.
They celebrated, and then they back and it's just pain it's pain to be a Chargers fan I don't understand it uh how they can do this every single week and Gruden you coach chicken chip football you let the Chargers almost beat you I don't know how the Chargers can get any closer to winning games and every week I keep thinking like okay this is it they've figured out the closest that they can possibly get to winning a one-score football games. And every week I keep thinking like, okay, this is it.
They've figured out the closest

that they can possibly get

to winning a one-score football game.

And they end up finding a new way to lose it.

And it's like, it's the arrow paradox.

You know, like,

an arrow can never travel.

It's the thing that we used to talk about all the time.

We haven't talked about it in like three years.

Hank, you remember that one?

Like an arrow will never get totally from me to you

if I shot you with an arrow

because it would have to travel half the distance to you. Schrodinger's? No, that's a different one.
They would have to travel half that distance. That's how the Chargers keep getting closer and closer to winning a close game.
And they're just never going to win a close game. It's never going to happen.
They won today. I celebrated because I bet on them.
They won and then Chargers fans had about 45 seconds

where they thought maybe, yes we won.

This is awesome. This is what it feels like

to not cry into my own butt

after every single game. And then

it got taken away. But they at least had

that three. If I was a Charger

and it looks like you just won a football game,

go to the locker room. Leave.

Don't let the refs tell you otherwise.

Take every ball and then just get in the locker room and lock the door.

What are they going to do?

Stop the count.

Stop the count, Chargers.

Stop the count.

You won.

How come?

Sorry for your loss, by the way.

Yeah, sorry, Hank.

The Chargers had won the game, and then magically the points went away,

and then we looked up.

Next thing we looked up, and the Raiders had more points than the Chargers. Yeah, I mean, how did that happen? I knew it wasn't a touchdown the whole time.
I did. How? How? Because I saw the ball bounce.
It was interference. I saw the ball bounce after he caught it.
I saw it playing as day. The score was the Chargers had won.
It said it. Everyone saw it.
If the Rapids interception earlier was an interception, that was a touchdown. Yeah, that's true.
The Marcus Peter interception? Yeah, that was an insane interception. I don't know how they ruled that.
It was crazy. That was like we're watching in slow motion.
Our brains are totally distorted to how long he actually had the ball. The Raiders, though, I love that they just take deep shots now.
It's awesome to watch.

I still don't know what John Gruden was doing when he had a fourth and two plus yards

and he punted it for a fucking 15-yard net punt.

But the Raiders are feisty.

The Raiders are...

They're my physical football team.

Yeah, I mean, not defensively.

Their defense sucks.

Physical offense.

Their defense sucks.

But, yeah, the Raiders... I'm looking at the playoff picture now because now we're getting to mid-November and we can start kind of looking at this stuff.
Yeah, so if it's the Bills, the Steelers, the Ravens, so that's – let's just go this. Bills, Titans, Chiefs, Steelers.
So that's four. And then there's three more ravens out of ravens dolphins colts raiders browns okay yeah the raiders the raiders where does he make the playoffs it could happen maybe it's crazy to think that it's going to come down to like the raiders and the browns to make the play yes and that game which was just gross, and the Raiders actually have a pretty nice schedule going down the stretch.
Anyone who's got the Jets gets like an extra bonus. Yep.
You just pencil that one in. You know what I really like about the Chargers? Justin Herbert.
Yeah. And I like.
He's very good. I like, you know what they've done? You know what the Chargers have done with Justin Herbert? They gave him the keys to the offense.
I just love it when a rookie gets the keys turned over to him. And they're putting him in charge.
They're opening up the playbook for him. And Justin Herbert's awesome.
I love when he runs the ball because he does not slide. He does not know how to spell slide or do it or accomplish it.
No, he just goes for it. He is averse to the ground at all points.
And he'll do the Teddy Bridgewater in every single play and doesn't care. He hasn't paid the price for it yet, but I'm sure that moment's going to come.
But he is fun to watch. Yes, he's very fun to watch, and he's just good enough to get them to lose by one score, which is the perfect legacy to Phil Rivers.
He is good enough to get to a point where he is permitted to throw four goal line fades and just toss it up, throw it to the corner pylon. Just keep doing it.
Just keep doing it. All right, last up before we get to Deion, Cowboys-Steelers.
We warned you about this game on Friday. I threw the stat out there on Friday.
This was the most classic Mike Tomlin coaching to your competition. He's now 1-10 on the road as a 10-point favorite or more against the spread.
You could see it coming from a mile away because the Cowboys had some zest. They had some life.
And then, the real story, just an all-time Big Ben performance. Going into the locker room, coming back out.
Everyone thought he tore his ACL. God, I love him.
He just keeps doing it. I actually, did you see the article on ESPN this week? Yes.
It was, I actually think Big Ben had his people write it because it was essentially. No, he blogged.
That was Big Ben. It was under his byline.
It was these five quarterbacks are getting to the twilight of their career, and this is all the injuries they've had. And it was Rodgers, Big Ben, Phil Rivers, Brady, and Breeze.
And it was just basically an article to show that Big Ben has the most injuries. Yeah, it was, I'm pretty sure that Big Ben did that himself for the documentary, Bigger Than Ben and that was like the DVD bonus section that you could unlock if you purchased it online.
It was incredible. So, did you notice what happened during the injury? What? So he gets hit, it actually looked like a much worse hit to his head than it did anything else.
That might have been why he thought his knee was hurt. He was confused.
So he fell on the ground, and then he grabbed his right knee on the ground. And then he got up and started limping on his left knee.
Yeah. And then his left leg was injured.
That's why I went to the locker room to get it looked at. But in the moment he grabs his right, like his right ACL was just torn.
And when you look at the replay, his right knee was the one that got bent to the side. He, and then he transferred in that, in that split second, I think it's because he did maybe get hit in the head pretty hard.
So he stood up, forgot which knee was hurt and was like, yeah, this is the one he is. He is a dog that has to take a shit in cold weather and just starts whimpering and faking an injury so that he can go back inside.
Do they make cleats for walking boots? I don't know. Could he play in a walking boot? Maybe.
I think that'd be very cool. Hey, Ben.
Come on, Ben. Hey, Ben.
Hey, Ben. Put it on.
It's about to be cold outside and you better stay warm with me. Hey, Ben, that head hurt.
Put on this boot. Get that headache cleared up right away.
Right leg, left leg. It don't matter as long as we're together, Ben.
Hey, Ben, why don't you go back out there in the second half. Everyone say you're a warrior.
You know you can finish the game and come slide right back in this boot. Ben, Ben, Ben.
I miss you so very deeply, Ben. Ben, you're eating old, but you're one game away from getting back in this boot.
Look, I made somebody fix me up with some cleats special. You can wear them in the game if you want to.
I got bedazzled on my boot. Just like you like your jeans.
True religion. Jeans.
Now in boot form, Ben.

So the Steelers have their best start in franchise history,

which is incredible because you would never imagine,

like, the Steelers have been around forever.

They've been good forever.

8-0 is their best start in franchise history.

And Big Ben now, 17 years that he has been the starter for the Steelers,

and they've never been below .500.

That's incredible.

Incredible.

That's incredible.

As much fun as we make of Big Ben, he's legit.

He can do all this because he just finds a way that he's going to get the team

to win.

So I guess that was a good pick.

Yeah, nice pick, Cowher.

Nice pick, Cowher.

Jalen Smith is the new guy that I'm always going to assume is going to be awesome whenever I see him. So I just look at him and I'm like, God damn, that guy is an excellent linebacker.
For the Cowboys? Yeah, he's been bad this year. I just look at him and I'm always like, that guy is an outstanding linebacker.
He's been bad this year, but he's been better. He's been better in the past, I guess.
Well, no, no, he stinks. Mike Nolan's defense makes no sense.
He stinks right now. I think that, yeah, Mike Nolan's defense obviously is really bad, but Jalen Smith is no bueno.
Not playing well. Van Der Esch, his ass is always hanging out.
Have you noticed that about Leighton Van Der Esch? Yep. His butt.
Put a coin in that slot. His butt makes more appearances during a game than, what's his name, Lee does.
I always call him Andy Lee, but it's... Sean Lee.
Sean Lee. Sean Lee.
Leighton Van Der Esch's asshole makes more appearances during an NFL season than Sean Lee does. Yeah, well, that's...
I'm confident in saying that. Yeah, that's like one.
Yeah, but I'm saying like every game, Van Der Esch's butt is hanging out. Yes, yes.
He needs to invest in some higher-waisted, like, granny panties. Also, shout-out to John Bones Fossil.
That play, he's a special teams coach for the Cowboys. He was a special teams coach for the Rams for the last eight years.
Remember, he was the guy who took over for Jeff Fisher when the Rams made the worst decision of their entire career. But I wish more special teams coaches did the shit he does because it was awesome.
That play was awesome where they did the pass across the field and the guy faked an injury. Did you see that? Yeah.
He faked an injury running back and then he caught the ball. I don't know.
He's a really good – there's something about being like a – Dave Tobe is the guy, but like being an awesome special teams coach. I feel like that's a cool life.
Yeah. Because like no one really.
You got a specialty and you crush it. As long as your special teams doesn't suck and then you mix in a really cool play once every like five weeks, everyone's going to be like, holy shit, dude.
That's awesome. I think that it's also like a little bit liberating for him being on a shitty team.
So you can say can do like one of those fuck it plays yeah every week if you want to yes because you have to you have to be able to score somehow if your offense is going to isn't going to be able to do it so you can mix in like these crazy ass special teams plays way more often and you don't have to worry about the fact of like oh shit if this doesn't work am i going to get fired it's like no you're get nuts with it. Right.
So, yeah, that play was awesome. Throwing it back across the field, especially given the fact that the roof and the windows were open and the Cowboys Stadium had the sunlight on the field.
Yes. The ball got thrown across.
It got a little confusing. That was sick, yeah.
And it's cool to have a nickname, Bones. I don't know why his dad didn't get that nickname.
John Bones Fossil. It's John Fossil.
I mean, they call him Fossil Bones probably. Fossil actually had no spine.
That's what he was known for. So his son, he's like, I'm going to make sure you don't get that same label.
They're all in. Remember he did that? I'm all in.
I'm all in. Fun fact about John Fossil, his dad, he was going to be the Washington R-Words head coach.
Dan Snyder decided not to hire him and hired Jim Zorn instead because people on the team's official message board didn't want him to hire John Fossil. Well, they both kind of sucked.
So he listened to Internet. Well, you think he would have sucked worse than Jim Zorn? No, probably not.
We'll always have 6-2 with Jim Zorn. Yeah, there you go.
All right, let's get to Dion before we do that. Hockey is on.
And no no matter the team no matter the game whether it's face-off or penalty shots regular season or playoffs win or lose

no matter what happens no matter where it happens new amsterdam vodka is there all right here's deon all right we now welcome on as always on sunday night coach prime coming to you from his number one and number two number one in both one recruit. We have mission accomplished.
We have recruited your son to Jackson State. What do we now get? Hugs, first and foremost.
Hugs, love, affection, respect. Because, you know, I'm a recruiter.
I'm sorry, I'm a head coach, and I'm not yet on duty, so I can't really recruit and I can't give you gifts. It's the NCAA violation.
We don't need gifts, but money would be nice. I just want a job well done, like a pat on the back.
Good job, guys. You guys are the best.
That's what a hug is. I want to really just linger.
I want to hug you and linger because you know you're old enough to be my son. So I'm more affectionate.
I'm going to be more affectionate with you right now. Okay.
I appreciate that. So did he not do like a hat ceremony where he took out like Jackson State, USC, Florida, LSU? I hate when kids do that.
That makes me upset when kids do that.'s like putting another school down And you gotta understand A lot of these coaches circulate So whoever you put down You're gonna see that coach somewhere in your life Somewhere else I don't like when kids do that A lot of people were asking though About the recruiting process with your son Do you pay him an allowance? No, have never given him an allowance but he he does have a gold card okay i just well i mean that's that's pretty good for an allowance yeah he does have an amex yeah he does have an amex gold card um all right let's talk about some games this weekend uh where do you want to start let's see well let's let's start out with i'm locked in um like an inmate at Alcatraz. Okay.
I'm really locked in right now. After you spoke negativity on my life last week and my picks, I went and regrouped and I refocused, and I got locked in.
So as of right now, I've only lost one game as of right now. Which was? I can't even remember now because i win so much and i'm just trying to play it back through my head got it um it was an upset i think it was the upset it was only one upset today my guess would be that it might be the uh the dolphins and the cardinals no that's not it okay well all right let's start the Giants.
The Giants beat Washington. Yes, the Giants did beat Washington.
Let's start with Lamar Jackson. I'm going to say something nice about Lamar Jackson.
You can tell me if this is too nice. But the Ravens finally came back from a halftime deficit.
So that was the first time in Lamar Jackson's career, 0-6 up until this point, where they won a game when they were trailing at half. And I don't know if the Ravens' offense is fixed.
It definitely is not fixed. They were putrid in the first half.
But that was a game that the Ravens have been losing, and they were able to win it. So I'm going to give credit to the Ravens and say that was a tough, tough win to have, and maybe they can round into form a little bit

going down the stretch.

It was playing without the top cornerback as well.

And Lamar, and to his defense, and I love Lamar,

but he has to develop more.

They need to develop him more in the passing game,

as well as they got to give him – they got to really go in the draft they're going for agency and get him a real number one guy out there they really do i can't remember the last time that the ravens had like a legit number one receiver have they ever had a great wide receiver like in the history of that franchise the last really really good receiver they had and he was on the back side of his career was steve Smith. He was a go-to guy several years ago.
And I can't recall any others before then. And Jaquan Bolden for a little bit there.
Yeah. He was good, yeah.
But all of them came on the backside. They all came on the backside of their careers.
Lee Evans. It seems to me like the Ravens just straight up don't do well developing receivers that they draft, and then they just try to pick up a free agent like an older guy.
Des Bryant is actually played today. Didn't get any catches, didn't get any targets, I don't think, either.
He probably didn't get open to get those targets, but Des Bryant is on the field. Yeah, thanks, Big Cat.
I mean, I'm pretty sure, because he's a good friend of mine, I'm pretty sure he heard your dialogue opposing him

and talking about his routes, and he was just happy to hear that you did,

at least you watched him on social media.

At least you had to, I don't know if you followed him, but you did see.

I was being, Dez is a pro's pro, been in the league for a very long time.

That's just tough coaching.

When I said that Dez Bryant is so slow, he should play tight

end, maybe even offensive line.

That was really harsh.

Even

BFD is left.

It's true.

Dez Bryant put out a highlight

tape that if I had seen

that, he should not have put that out.

He should not have put that out. It was not a highlight tape.

It was not a highlight tape. It was a workout tape.

It was a slow-mo tape.

He had somebody that was behind him. You just couldn't see it.

I hope you enjoyed it. He should not have put that out It was not a highlight tape It was a workout tape It was a slow-mo tape And he had somebody that was behind him You just couldn't see it holding one of those resistance bands And that's why he was running slower than I could You know what, you guys did something else That actually was good material And you were quick with it What about the Buffalo Bills Would you like to say something nice about Josh Allen I'll read you his his stat line today.
I'm a Josh man. Wait, wait.
Hang on. Dion, I'd like to set the table for you real quick.
31 for 38, 415 yards, three touchdowns, no interceptions, 138.5 passer rating, and he ran for a touchdown as well. So four touchdowns on the day, 400 yards passing.
Would you like to apologize to us as representatives of Josh Allen?

No, because I've been riding Josh Allen in the Buffalo Bills since week one.

I love Josh Allen.

I didn't think he was amongst the MVP talk when you guys just had him on a flag and raising him high.

I didn't think he was that guy.

And that offense is still like ranked 19th or 20th, and they're still not really going. But let me tell you something.
This kid, if he could perform like this, they should do well in the playoffs. I don't think they're a Super Bowl caliber team yet, but they're knocking on the door.
So the Seahawks, which I tried to take my shot, failed. And I'll own up to that.
I tried to take my shot that with Jamal Adams coming back with Carlos Dunlap getting traded there, their defense would start to round into form. I guess it still could, but they were so bad against the Bills.
They're horrible. I told you they're horrible.
What's the fix? What's the fix? It is no fix right now. That's an off-season fix.
You got to get a few good – you got to understand, when their defense worked good, they had several guys with real attitudes on that team. You have a linebacker with an attitude.
You have a safety with an attitude until those corners or other persons on that defense have that kind of dog-eat-dog attitude. It's not going to be a fix.
This is an offensive team right now, not a defensive team. So then if that's the truth, that there is no fix, would you not – Not this year.
Yeah, would you say that they're not going to win a Super Bowl? Not with that defense. No, no, not this year.
Not this year, no, definitely not. Because Russell's going to have to play lights out.
Like if Russell don't have a great game, they don't have a chance. And he didn't today.
He has to have a great game every week. Yeah, yeah, and he didn't today.
That's right. Yeah.
All right, so then the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Dallas Cowboys, which that was a vintage Mike Tomlin coaching to the level of competition. They get the win.
You're going to blame Mike Tomlin and not Big Ben. Okay.
No, no, no. No, no.
Big Ben wasn't great either and the defense wasn't great but it is a fact Mike Tomlin is the stat that I threw out on Friday now it's 1 in 10 as a road favorite of 10 or more points against the spread the Steelers do do this every year they play a game on the road that it feels like they should kill a team and they struggle with them. What is that? They came off a high, and you've got to understand they're going to go to a low.
When they're playing against a team, they expect it to kill. So oftentimes you don't get up for those type games when you're a player.
Okay, so yeah. I want you to expound on this because this stuff fascinates me, and I think it's something that we obviously try to guess, but as a player you can probably tell us closer to it.
Off of a big win what does it look like the week after? Why is it a little bit different in the facility and why is it the preparation or the energy is a little lower when you go to the game the next week? Because you relax a bit. You relax a bit, and you're not as motivated.

You're not as hard-nosed.

The coaches slack off a bit.

They don't have their feet on your throat like they normally should,

and everybody just hit a low.

That's why you got to have a lot of leadership that don't allow you to do such a thing,

and they're not there right now.

They're not there.

Defensively, you would have thought they were to be there,

but Dallas has been so bad. They just felt like they could go out there and put their helmets on the field and their cleats and win the game, and that wasn't true.
Yeah. Last week, we talked to you about when it's time to do the players-only meeting and what goes down in a players-only meeting.
I want to ask this week what it's like when you know that a coach has lost the locker room, because we always talk about when a coach we try to evaluate like I think Mike Tomlin has lost the locker room six seasons in a row uh but like when that point uh becomes a reality where players like lose faith in their coach what does it mean when a coach has lost the locker room and has Matt Nagy lost the locker room in Chicago that's a good question let me tell you something's two ways to lose in the NFL. You can lose games or you can lose the locker room as a head coach.
When you lose games, that's one thing. But when you lose the players in the locker room, it's over.
It's over for you. And definitely, Nagy has lost the locker room.
He's lost it. It's over.
It's a lot of colleges are dealing with the same situation, and you've got to get rid of them because there's no coming back from that. When a young man or a handsomely paid millionaire don't believe in you, a la J.J.
Watt and what happened over there in Houston, when they start believing in you, it's a wrap because oftentimes their voice is much stronger and louder than yours. So when you lose them, it's over.
There's no coming back from that. I don't know if Matt Nagy's lost the locker room.
I just think that the Bears are a horrendous offensive team. When you said Nagy, you know what? When you said Nagy, my mind went straight to the Jets.
I'm sorry. You're certainly right.
No, no. I'm talking.
He's like Gase 2.0. The slightly updated operating system.
Yes. Gase is gone.
That locker room been gone. But, I mean, been gone.
As a matter of fact, Dale was gone last year. But Nagy, no, he hasn't lost the locker room.
They're just losing games. They just, their offense is so, so bad.
It's painful to watch. And I don't know.
I don't know if he's lost the locker room, so to speak, because it's tough to lose the locker room when you're five and four. At the end of the day, you still need to pile up a few more losses before that happens.
But I do think there's a trust issue when it comes to Matt Nagy. Coaches have to do the best they can to adapt to their strengths and weaknesses.
The Bears obviously have a glaring weakness at offensive line, and he has not adapted. He's still calling the same plays as if they had a good offensive line, and I think that's got to get frustrating.
Let me tell you something, Big Cat. This is a God-honest truth from an offensive coordinator at any level.
When you don't have a good offensive line, it ain't nothing you can do. It's nothing you can do.
Like, nothing works. You could have a play sheet the size of a phone book, and there's nothing in there that's going to work.
There's no way. Especially if your dog players don't come to ball and they've got to ball out collectively.
And that rarely ever happens. Yeah.
Fuck. I have one last question for you.
Can you power rank? Give me Deion's primetime rankings of all the rookie quarterbacks this year. Joe Burrow, Tua, Herbert.
Those are the only three that have played, right? Yes. Yeah.
So Burrow, Tua, Herbert. Do you think if you were to do a redraft right now, they'd stay in the same order? Or do you think that Herbert would be above Tua? Herbert would be Tua does not count yet because he has he doesn't have the body of work that the other guys have had he's he hadn't had opportunities but he's coming but it would be Herbert Tua I mean Herbert the guy from Cincinnati Burrow then Tua why do you have him ahead of Burrow because I would I would absolutely flip that.
I think that Burrowrow, then Tua.

Okay.

Why do you have him ahead of Burrow?

Because I would absolutely flip that.

I think that Burrow is better than Herbert.

I don't think so.

Herbert is showing me some things, and he's reading the defense,

and he's seeing the game, to me, a lot better.

Yeah.

He really is. To me, he's just seeing the game a lot better, and and he's more effective and efficient and he seems like he has a better grasp on everything um shoot burrow is you gotta say he's number one pick so you have a different expectation and you're giving him some credit that and he's playing for the bingos they're down every game and they got to throw their butts off every game but this guy herbert man shoot ain't nobody expect this what he's doing but the Dernbingos.
They're down every game, and they got to throw their butts off every game. But this guy Herbert, man, shoot, ain't nobody expect this, what he's doing.
And he has them in every game. And Big Cat has phenomenal stats that they keep losing by less than a touchdown.
39th time in the last five years. And that was such a – Gruden did everything to give him that game, by the way.
He coached down the stretch, too, like punting the ball and the Chargers still, like just so painful that they end the game on the one-yard line. You've got to go to your dog in two plays.
You cannot not throw the ball to your number one receiver two straight plays. It's no way.
I don't care if you've got to motion him to create the matchup that you want. It's no way you don't go to him.
I do like the last play play call when you had quads to the left and you had a single receiver backside. That was a great read.
But you got to get your main guy. It's no way in the world.
That's when you lose guys in the locker room. Say, hey, man, we're paying a guy $15, $16 million and we ain't throwing to him down the stretch? I mean, that's just like Arizona today.
You know, not throwing the ball to Hopkins during the whole first half. How can you have a dog receiver like that that you traded to get and you don't even throw to him the whole first half? The Chargers absolutely love the goal line fade.
They love it. I wish I loved anything as much as Anthony Lynn loved throwing a goal line fade like four straight times as a corner you love your shade i do right i like i like wearing sunglasses more than the fade uh but if you're playing cornerback like to me that seems like a pretty if you had to make a choice between like knowing that's going to be a fade defending that fade that seems like a play i would welcome as a cornerback as opposed to something a little bit more creative.
Not today. Today's game is tough because not only do you have the fade to deal with, you've got the back shoulder fade.
So if you have them covered, they're going to put it on the back shoulder. That's the hardest thing about that route right now, nowadays.
So you don't want to give up the slant because you're backside on the island by yourself. So that really was a great, it really was a.
Dion, my last question is, Stephen Chase here, do you have anything you want to say to him? I can put a headphone on. You know, Chase, I love your play.
We had a bye week again, so we're trying to find people to play. We can't get no games right now.
Hopefully we're probably going to have another bye week this week, and then we'll play that following week. And I will make a promise to you.
I want you to pick your best two and send them to me, and I'm going to run one of your plays, and we're going to put it on the football show. Okay? All right.
Let's do it. Yeah.
I'm going to run. We're going to put the plays on the football show after you run them.
Yeah. I don't want everyone to see the plays.
That's the whole point. Good point.
Don't give away the diagram of the play. We should probably never put that out there because these are Stephen Chase's top secret plays.
Yeah, but I want to run one of them. Just give me one of them.
But give me two to pick from one because I've got to make sure my personnel matches it. But I'm definitely going to run one of your plays in our next game.
I think we may have another bye week this week, but the week after that we'll certainly play, and I'm going to run one of your plays. Perfect.
You've got more time for the install. Yeah, good point.
Yeah, so, Stephen, don't put any of the plays out on the Internet until after they've already been run. I took care of it and I put a confidential sticker on it.

Oh, yeah, he put a confidential sticker on it.

So if you share it, we'll know that it came from you.

Yeah, there's a watermark on that.

Yeah, it's like a big-time Hollywood script.

Yeah.

You know what?

Let's get a contract signed, too, Mr. Shea,

because I don't want you trying to take up the ante once the play works.

I'm in.

I'm in.

Fax it over.

PDF it over. I'm in.
Fax it. All right.
I get it. All right, Dion.
Thanks so much, man. We'll see you later, right? All right, guys.
All right, see you, man. All right, let's wrap up.
We got Football Guy of the Week. Football Guy of the Week presented by...
Hey, what's going on there, pal? We saw you at the hockey game on. Do I know you guys? I'm Ryan Whitney.
I got a drink named after me. Not a big deal.
Pink Whitney? That's what I thought. See ya, fellas.
I invented the thing, you pigeon. Pink Whitney for legendary moments.
Jacob. Alright, starting things off with Virginia Tech.
Jake, where are your glasses? They're right here. Do you need them to read? Put them on.
I like when you wear glasses. Did you just hit yourself in the eye with your glasses? Almost.
How blind are you? I only need him for distance. How many fingers? Middle finger.
Shit. I'll put him on for you.
Classic guy joke. Virginia Tech defensive coordinator Justin Hamilton.
He said in a press conference this week that he lost his voice during games so much last year that he had to go to a speech pathologist to help him alter how he yells out calls. Ooh.
And then they lost to Liberty. To Liberty.
Yeah, that's tough. And Hugh Freeze, who, by the way, our newest employee, Ben Mintz, who's from Louisiana and Mississippi, he had a great line on Friday.
He said, Hugh Freeze isn't afraid to win a big game. It's been stuck in my head ever since.
It's great. The idea of a coach being like, I'm not afraid to win this game.
He can win you one. Yeah, he can win one.
Yeah, he's not afraid. A lot of coaches are like, I don't know.
I'm kind of wishy-washy. If I win this, there's a lot of pressure.
Yeah. No, Hugh Freeze, he's not afraid to win a big game.
I don't like doing post-game interviews in markets I'm unfamiliar with. Yeah, I don't want everyone to get all happy and maybe get a contract extension.
Yeah, I actually cut the cord, so I don't even have ESPN, so I won't be able to see the highlights on there. Not afraid to win a big game.
Hugh Freeze. Former North Carolina quarterback Marquise Williams, he tweeted, quote, you can tell I'm a football junkie.
When my daughter spits her passy out, I'd be like, put your mouthpiece back in. I like that.
Yeah, there call it the jock strap right all sorts of fun jokes that's the guy who started in front of mitch oh really yeah shouldn't shouldn't have the last tsunamis are both high school based first we're going to start off with pelion in south carolina that's their high school head coach dan say last tsunamis nominees okay okaysunamis I thought you were making A blue wave reference No Because Because Crazy Weekend for natural disasters We got the travel storm In Florida And I think it was Was it Massachusetts With the earthquake? Yeah Earthquake was here Really? Yeah No that was the people Honking their horns Yeah true But It was in the Cape C the Cape Cod, but my mom texted me and was like, did you feel it? I was like, no. I don't think anyone in New York felt it.
Yeah, I don't think it was here. Maybe Rhode Island.
There are too many rats that have caved out tunnels underneath the city. You can't feel the earth shake anymore.
Yeah, yeah. It's like having a nice shock absorber built in.
Head coach Dan with two N's, Holland, in his post-game interview, he said, I turned my Bluetooth on and it came up Iron Maiden, Leonard Skinner and Ozzy Osbourne I said ball game is over boys we winning this thing were the three bands Iron Maiden Leonard Skinner and Ozzy Osbourne those are the three horsemen of the Blackopalypse, Black Metal I fucking love that except Leonard Skinner and I guess Southern Rock but those three if you're making the what? Blackopalypse, Black Metal. I fucking love that, except Leonard Skinner, I guess, Southern Rock.
But those three, if you're making a Black...

The what?

Huh?

Blackopalypse.

What is that?

If you're making a high school football movie,

those three bands are going to be somewhere on the soundtrack

every single time.

Sounds like the next Call of Duty game.

And then the last one is actually a team,

Mifflin High School in Pennsylvania.

They entered the field by running through a sign that said, quote, Wildcats, tell your girlfriends you'll be free next Friday night. They ended up winning 68-14.
I like that. Wait, do we not have – we got to throw in – we got to throw out one of those.
We got to throw in that guy in Georgia. I think he was like the attorney general or something who was basically like, listen, we're going to count these votes, but Florida Florida Georgia's this weekend.
So we probably aren't going to be counting votes on Saturday. And it was so perfect.
So we'll throw out the last one. Okay.
And throw in that guy because that was unbelievable. He literally was just like, yeah, just so everyone just a little country knows.
I know it's an election before. Georgia is kind of bigger than that.
And I was like, yes, that guy knows what's on deal. That guy was absolutely dreading this scenario going into this election.
He circled it and was like, God damn it. World's biggest cocktail party.
And they got a fucking election. All right.
So Phil Sorocco, One Blade, Football Guy of the Week. Vote, vote, vote.
Thank you, Jake. All right.
Who's back of the week to finish us up on a football Monday? Henry. My who's back of the week is the Masters.
Yeah. Masters week this week starts on Thursday.
Yeah, be respectful, please. I'm ready for a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of videos about Azaleas, why they're not there this weekend and how the course has been maintained.
Like that is just going to get hammered into our heads over and over and over again. But I'm here for it.
But it's going to be a lot of like, you're used to Augusta in the spring. This is Augusta in the fall.
I'm very excited about it. What new plants are going to be blooming? Maybe there are plants we don't even know about that are down there that only bloom in the fall.
Are they going to be spray painting the greens?

I don't know.

And I am going to miss people talking about how Jim Nance does not get to go straight from Final Four to Augusta this year.

That's the journalist side of it, folks.

Yeah, he gives away his tie and hops on a plane to go to Augusta.

So what's he going to be doing on Sunday?

He's not calling any football on Sunday?

In fact, next Sunday, five 1 p.m. games all on Fox and six 4 p.m.
games.

It's got to be the first time there's more late grades.'s great. Too many.
Too many. Five and six.
That's chaos. The witching hour is late.
I'm the exact opposite. Because you wake up at fucking like 2 o'clock.
No, that's not true. But it's chaos later.
No, like I'm awake for the 1 o'clock games. It's not like I'm asleep ever for the 1 o'clock games.
But? But it sucks when ever for the 1 o'clock games. But it sucks when you get the rush of football, and then you're like, oh, that was great.
There's only two games on now. No, I agree.
Two games sucks. Three games also sucks.
Four games is perfect. Anything over four, you don't have the taper off.
It's just too much madness. But this is going to be the reverse.
That's too much. I don't know if I have the stamina for that.
There are going to be all sorts of unintended consequences for us observing the buildup over the course of a day that doesn't climax until like 6.30 p.m. That means I have to spend eight hours with fucking Siciliano? Fuck that, dude.
I'd rather have a bullet in my head. I'm here for it.
Jesus. What? That's too far.
No, it isn't. I mean, you said...
Never mind. Yeah, I mean, you could say...
I said a lot of things. Whatever.
He knows I'm joking. Yeah.
All right. Wait, what's your who's backing? The Masters.
Oh, yeah, the Masters. Yeah, Masters.
Well, my who's back is Brooks Koepka. Yeah.
So if Brooks Koepka's back, it's a major. He's going to dominate.
I'm certain of it. I'm going to throw out all the record books of everything that Brooks has done over the course of the last two weeks because it doesn't matter.
Masters are here. He's locked in.
And for the first time in a long time, it looks like he has an actual rival. Yeah.
It's good for golf. We're ready to go.
Having Brooks Blaschenen. Yeah.
Being a legitimate major champion. Well, legitimate asterisk major champion with no fans around.
Like an up-and-coming potential threat towards Brooks' major tournament dominance. It's good for golf to have that rivalry going and rivalry and pressure really brings all the best qualities out of Brooks that we know and love.
So I'm very excited to watch Brooks play this weekend.

I'm sure he's going to dominate.

Yes.

Another who's back of the week is Touchscreens.

Touchscreens on television.

We're back.

Too soon.

You have to pick a side.

Are you a John King guy?

Are you a Stavroski guy or whatever his name is?

How about that guy John King having to work every single day

and also Dana Bash having to work every single day with their exes.

Yeah.

That's wild.

John King, I don't know if this is true or not,

but I heard that his elbow is fused into place.

He actually can't bend his elbow.

Whoa, whoa.

He also is short.

He's short?

He's a short?

He's a short.

And you can't tell because Wolf Blitzer is very short.

He is a big-time short. Wolf Blitzer is a little baby.
Yes. He's a short.
Fun fact about Wolf Blitzer. Well, one thing I like about Wolf Blitzer is how dumb he is.
So every time he sees the guy using the touch screen every year, Blitzer is like amazed by it. This is crazy.
He's like, holy shit. Yeah.
Don't let me touch this. Blitzer, he pees at the urinal with his pants all the way down around his ankles.
Yeah. I know a guy that used to work with him in Washington, D.C.
When you're that short, I think you have to. Yeah, you do.
Because they don't make pants that, like, even if you lower them just below your penis, if you're that short, they're on the ground. Right.
Exactly. All right.
My who's back. I have two.
The first is Notre Dame. Notre Dame is back.
Yep. Notre Dame won a big game.
Many people are saying Trevor Lawrence didn't play, so it doesn't count. I'm counting it.
I'm officially counting it. Notre Dame looked very good, and they now control their own destiny.
Well, probably the play comes in again. Jesus does that.
But still, they look very good. So shout out Notre Dame.
Also, DJ Ungoluea. Uwe Ungoluea.
I fucking love that guy. I want him on the Bears so bad.
He's 250 pounds. The Bears could lose just every game for the next three years, but we get DJ Ungoluea.
I'll do that. I don't want DJ on my team as much as I just want his dad in the stands for every game.
His dad is fucking awesome. He's awesome.
It's so unfair that Clemson has a guy. DJ Anglewalea would fucking start on pretty much every college football team except for like five.
It's crazy. It's 250 pounds.
DJ Anglewalea, I want you on the Bears, and then you'll suck immediately. And your dad will demand a trade.
And then my other who's back is... That'd be kind of cool, though, if his dad threatened physical violence against the Bears' front office.
You're ruining my son. I would say to his dad, you should do that.
His dad is a security guard who's worked for Rihanna, a bunch of really, really famous actors, actresses, singers. Traveled worldwide with him, keeping him safe.
It'd be funny if on draft night, the Jets or the Bears tried to draft him,

and his dad just stepped in front of their general manager and was like, no.

He should.

If he's a good dad, he should.

The mother who's back is no case gang.

I cracked my phone.

It's dead.

Sorry.

So how are they back?

No case.

It's thrilling.

I have no regrets.

The case gang is back.

No case gang is back.

No case. You're a pussy if you put a case on your phone.
But my phone works. My phone doesn't work right now.
You got to get this charging case. It's legit.
No, Jake. No, it's a real Apple.
It's from Apple. My phone never dies.
You probably wear condoms too. Inappropriate.
No, I will never put a case on my phone. It was thrilling.
I dropped it. I was like, ooh, that was a bad drop.
I knew it. I felt it in my balls.
I was like, that's a bad drop. Looked, really bad drop.
Need a new phone. Don't care.
Love it. I have so many fucking scratches.
My camera's been broken for like a year. But guess what? Every time I touch this phone, metal on skin, baby.
And every time I drop it, it's adrenaline coursing through my veins. You just wouldn wouldn't get it hank you're not an adrenaline junkie like me you can you're okay living in a cage no i'm just you know aware of my own you're fine my own self you're fine and there's some people who are like oh dude you make a lot of money it doesn't matter i go back i wrote this blog in like 2013 when i was making jack shit i was no case gang for life.
I think when Hank gets a phone, he has to put a case on it because like he drops his

phone probably four times a day.

That's true.

He drops it before practice.

Yeah, at least.

Well.

You big cat, you have the thrill where you're like, it could happen at any time.

Yeah.

But you don't know that you're going to like ruin your phone one day.

Yeah.

No, I've had this phone for like a year, so it's a good run.

And it broke.

What are you going to do? Get a case. No.
No. Absolutely not.
Wear a mask. I would hate to wear it.
Yeah, wear a mask. Big Cat, are you going to get a red phone? It's not about you, Big Cat.
Do you not want to help stop AIDS? No, I don't. I don't want to.
Is AIDS still going? Oh, AIDS is still going. All right.
Either that or Bono is rich as fuck off embezzling money. I will give money to AIDS to not have to have a red phone.
Just pay Bono. It's not about you when you don't have a case on Big Cat.
It's about the people around you that you're infecting that may not have a case now, too. Mm-hmm.
That's fine. You should not have a case either.
It shouldn't be up to big government or big tech to tell us whether or not to use a case. You're a shill, yeah.

Oh, let me put a case on this fucking phone.

Steve Jobs made... Would you put a saran wrap over the Mona Lisa?

No.

There's no reliable science, by the way, saying that using a case on your phone actually prevents it from cracking.

Right.

You just feel the false sense of security.

And then you like to think that you're above others by telling them that they should use a case. Oh, I have a case.
You know what? I only put a case on my phone after it cracked. There you go.
Because I want to preserve the crack. It's a work of art.
Cement the crack. It's like a beautiful piece of...
Have you tried to drop it to fix it?

Nope.

Didn't work.

That actually used to be the trick for the old iPods.

Like, in 2005,

I had an iPod,

and every time it broke,

I'd just chuck it as hard as I could at the wall,

and it would fix itself.

So that's, you know,

we've come a long way in technology.

All right, numbers.

18.

Eight.

Fuck you, Jake.

Hank, what are you gonna do, Hank? What are. All right, numbers.
18. Eight.
Fuck you, Jake. Hank, what are you going to do, Hank?

What are you going to do, Hank?

Eight.

Billy wants 69.

Ten.

Billy's intense.

Ten.

71.

Ten.

62.

Damn it.

Boo.

It's close. It's close it's close

alright we'll see everyone Wednesday

62 first timer

love you guys

Jake do you have an animal fact?

no but I do have the name of the Georgia elections official

his name is Gabriel Sterling

so we'll see

wish it was an animal fact

okay here's a good animal fact

prairie dogs kiss

that's cute

love you guys. I'm talking away.
I don't know what I'm to say. I say it anyway.
Today's not my day to find you Shining away I'll be coming for your love of cake Shining away I'll be coming for your love of cake Take on me Take me on

I'll be gone

It's Pardon My Tate

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