Michael Irvin, The Bears Suck, And The Dodgers Win The World Series

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Speaker 3 On today's part of my take, we have the Playmaker, Michael Irvin, on the show. We talk about his career.

Speaker 3 We talk about the current state of the Cowboys, the dumpster fire that is the Cowboys, the current state of the U. Awesome interview coming up with Michael Irvin.

Speaker 3 We also have Hot Seat, Cool Throne, Guys on Chicks, Monday Night Football.

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Speaker 3 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 3 there is violence.

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Speaker 3 Looks behind a lot of washing.

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Speaker 16 It's part of my tape, presented by Bar Stool Sports.

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Speaker 3 $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, October 28th, and the Chicago Bears fucking suck.

Speaker 18 Are we saying that the Bears are who we thought they were? Yes. The Bears are who we thought they were.

Speaker 23 They have no offense.

Speaker 3 For the... I went back and I looked, PFT.
In the last 20 years.

Speaker 23 No.

Speaker 3 In the last 20 years, the Chicago Bears have finished worse than like 50%, so half the league. They've finished in the back half of the league in offense 15 out of 20 of those years.

Speaker 3 They are, it is the most Bears thing ever to just have an unbelievable defense and an offense that can't do diddly poo. And that's what we saw on Monday Night Football.
It was an ass kicking.

Speaker 11 It totally fucking ass kicking.

Speaker 18 I totally believe in just like team auras, right? Teams will have auras.

Speaker 26 DNA.

Speaker 18 The Chicago Bears have DNA. It doesn't matter who's coaching the team.
It doesn't matter the actual physical people that are inside that building.

Speaker 18 If you just live in the city of Chicago and play football, you suck at playing quarterback and you have an awesome defense.

Speaker 3 You can't move the ball down the field.

Speaker 3 This is why I've always said when everyone's like, well, we could have had Patrick Mahomes, Patrick Mahomes would have got hit by a bus if he had been a Chicago Bear.

Speaker 3 Like you're, there is, there's just, it's never going to be in the cards for the Bears to be able to move the football in any type of, like, the NFL has come completely changed.

Speaker 28 Thank you for changing Patrick Mahomes' life, by the way.

Speaker 23 Yes, Ryan Page deserves that.

Speaker 3 He should be out the door, but he should get credit for that. The NFL has completely changed.
It is an offensive league.

Speaker 3 You see the ball going up and down the field, like passing left and right, points, points, points. Over-unders are 50, 52, like shit that you wouldn't believe 20 years ago.

Speaker 3 And the Bears are still the exact same Bears where it's a struggle to score like a touchdown, a touchdown.

Speaker 27 I can't do it.

Speaker 18 I think you guys need to lean into into your identity. Like, you need to absolutely own the fact that you will never be good at passing the football.
You got to go single-wing.

Speaker 18 You got to essentially run air.

Speaker 27 You can't run it. No defensive.

Speaker 30 No offense.

Speaker 18 Is that any different than it has been in the past? Like, yeah, you're running.

Speaker 10 Sometimes you can run it.

Speaker 18 Occasionally, you'll be able to run it okay. But

Speaker 18 let's not go out here and try to have Nick Foles throw the ball 35 times a game. He obviously can't do that.

Speaker 18 And then I think that the whole blow-up between him and Matt Nagy that got, like, Brian Greasy put it out there on Monday football, snitched on him a little bit.

Speaker 18 I think that probably got overblown a little bit.

Speaker 10 I don't know.

Speaker 3 So, I don't know, Jim.

Speaker 3 It was when the Bears suck on primetime, which they pretty much always do.

Speaker 27 The Bears are who we thought they were.

Speaker 3 It's like that win and

Speaker 3 when Corey Wooten ended Brett Favre's career, those are pretty much the only good experiences. Maybe a couple, you know, Cutler and Marshall in San Francisco.

Speaker 3 But the Bears on primetime will almost always embarrass anyone who roots for them. And so that moment where Brian Greasy is like, yeah,

Speaker 3 Nick Foles doesn't even know, like the play calls don't make sense. They get called in and he knows they're not going to work.

Speaker 3 So if you actually watch it, you can see Matt Nagy throwing in the play call and you can see Mitch's face and he actually is like, ugh, to the play call.

Speaker 32 So it was almost...

Speaker 3 serendipitous that it all worked out exactly at that moment. Mitch Trubisky's listening to the play call in his ear and being like, whoa, that's not going to work.
Because guess what it was?

Speaker 3 It was probably another fourth down where they're like, hey, let's run a jet sweep to Corridor L. Patterson and see if it works this time.

Speaker 21 Right. It's like, can't block anything.

Speaker 18 Like a waiter in Kansas City offering somebody, guess what? We've got a really nice salmon tonight. And the initial reaction is like, you know what? No, I'm going to stick with the stake on that one.

Speaker 18 Yeah, it was, I feel like what was actually said probably got like, it was a combination of the timing of when it was broadcast on TV and also the like translation to Brian Greasy.

Speaker 18 But the bottom line is like Nick Foles doesn't feel like he has a second to do anything.

Speaker 34 No, Dick.

Speaker 3 I've said this before, like Matt Nag, I do not trust him as a play caller. I think he's a bad play caller, but

Speaker 3 no play caller will look good with that offensive line. So there's at least a little bit of a, like you could throw Andy Reid out there.
You could throw Chip Kelly in his prop.

Speaker 3 Like no one is going to look good with an offensive line that bad. He just makes it worse.

Speaker 18 You guys should just trade for Johnny Hecker, have him be the quarterback.

Speaker 23 He played

Speaker 23 high school quarterback.

Speaker 18 People don't talk about it a lot, and he's also just a beast of a punter.

Speaker 18 If you were to throw the ball one on first down only and then punt every time it reaches second down with Johnny Hecker, your offense would actually be better than it has been

Speaker 23 in three weeks.

Speaker 3 I would rather watch the defense than the offense, which is the ultimate Chicago Bears

Speaker 18 watermelon punt.

Speaker 3 With all that said, and I think the, listen, I'm still not going to apologize for five and two. People getting confused.
I've never, have I said that the Bears were like an incredible team?

Speaker 3 I said, I'm running the luck train. Like, the Bears are, they have won very lucky games this year.

Speaker 3 They're not a very good team, but sometimes in the NFL, you'll just get the lucky bounce and just ride it. So, I'm not going to apologize for 5-2.

Speaker 3 And I think they might even beat the Saints on Sunday. They're not good, but they could get lucky and get in the playoffs that way.

Speaker 18 I'm experiencing like a Zach Gelfanakis at the casino blackjack table type moment right now because we've established that the Bears are who we thought they were. Correct.
But also,

Speaker 18 you are what your record says you are.

Speaker 21 Correct.

Speaker 18 So you're five and two,

Speaker 18 but you're also who we thought you were.

Speaker 3 Which is not five and two.

Speaker 18 This is Schrödinger's Bears. Are they alive or are they dead?

Speaker 19 You know what they are?

Speaker 10 They're

Speaker 19 a little bit better than average.

Speaker 3 So average being 8-8. No, they're actually an 8-8 team that just gets because it really does come down to the NFL.

Speaker 3 8-8 team can be 10-6 or 6-10 based on a couple lucky bounces. And that is exactly what the Bears are.
They're an 8-8 team that had a couple lucky bounces to start the season.

Speaker 3 And if the couple lucky bounces continue, they could finish 10-6.

Speaker 18 You need to be luckier than the average Bears team and get those extra two wins.

Speaker 23 Last year, they didn't have the luck.

Speaker 10 They obviously fell off a cliff.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? Like, that's kind of

Speaker 3 going back to the first point that that's Chicago Bears football. It's like the good seasons are really just kind of lucky seasons.

Speaker 18 We should should also give a little bit of credit to the Rams. I get it.

Speaker 21 And they're good.

Speaker 20 No, they're good.

Speaker 18 I agree with your take that they're playing too fast. That's Mickey Mouse football.

Speaker 18 When Sean McVay gets in his huddles and then he has his players like shift around like it's a game of three-card Monty at a carnival just to confuse the defense.

Speaker 18 We used to say back in high school, that's what happens when the other team knows they can't beat you. Right.
They have to resort to the Mickey Mouse style.

Speaker 23 They're just running up.

Speaker 35 Extempo.

Speaker 23 Like man, play man football.

Speaker 25 Huddle up.

Speaker 32 Just run the ball.

Speaker 35 Run the ball and then we'll stop your ass.

Speaker 18 If you tell us that straight up you're going to run a fullback dive, maybe a halfback toss every third down when you're getting a little feisty, you let the defense know that and you can still beat them, then that's a man's football team.

Speaker 18 Yes. That's a team that you're proud to root for.
Not some rinky-dink, Mickey Mouse, Disneyland offense where you try to score more points than the other team like a fucking coward.

Speaker 21 Cowards, exactly.

Speaker 3 No, the Rams are good. The NFC West is just incredible, like top to bottom.

Speaker 27 All those teams are good or better than good.

Speaker 3 And yeah, so that's kind of it. I don't really have anything else besides they are who we thought they were.
And I do think they're going to beat the Saints on Sunday.

Speaker 11 I woke up this morning.

Speaker 3 I was so mad. I had a headache watching the Bears.
Like, that's when you know your team

Speaker 3 sucks, and also you just care a little bit too much. I was physically getting ill watching their offense sitting on the couch on Monday night.
And then I woke up this morning and I was like,

Speaker 19 Plus four against the Saints at home.

Speaker 18 Drew Brees outside.

Speaker 3 Kind of like this spot.

Speaker 18 What makes the Bears a little bit more frustrating than most teams when you're rooting for him?

Speaker 18 Because they did bet on him last night, and there were times in the second half, like, don't get me wrong, they stunk.

Speaker 18 If you had bet on the Cowboys last Monday night, it was just like depressing the entire time.

Speaker 18 If you had bet on the Bears, there were like three or four times where you kind of opened your eyes a little bit. You're like, they just got a lucky break.
Yes. Maybe.

Speaker 18 And then Nick Foles throws like a 30-yard interception.

Speaker 19 Or he misses a wide-open guy.

Speaker 18 He misses a wide-open guy or throws an interception in the end zone.

Speaker 18 There were like three or four times where I was starting to think, like, like, maybe, maybe this could happen with a little bit of luck. Yes.

Speaker 18 Shades of that Arizona Cardinals, we are who they thought they were.

Speaker 3 They keep you believing, and it's bullshit.

Speaker 19 It's bullshit.

Speaker 3 I wasted sleep because of the Bears and that fucking terrible offense. So let's talk something that makes me feel a little bit better.

Speaker 10 The Cowboys.

Speaker 3 So the Cowboys were also in the news because Mike Nolan, as bad as the Cowboys have been,

Speaker 3 they're getting now to circus level. Mike Nolan had a Zoom with the reporters, and it got interrupted because he had Tabasco on his fingers and rubbed his eyes.

Speaker 23 Do I have that right?

Speaker 18 Yeah, well, he had, yes. He forgot to wipe his fingers off and he started poking his eye.
I don't know what he was doing, if he had like a bug in there or whatever it was.

Speaker 18 And then he started crying and then his eye got red and then he got distracted and he had to end the Zoom call.

Speaker 18 I blame Jerry Jones for this. Yep.
If you're a good owner and you've got someone as shitty as Mike Nolan that's still employed, he shouldn't be allowed to season his food or have any flavor.

Speaker 18 You need to treat him like he's in prison. Yes.
Until he either quits on his own or decides that he's going to get better and be accountable and start to make improvements.

Speaker 18 You need to take away all salt, pepper.

Speaker 18 He should not be eating hot food or spicy food at all. So I put that on Jerry Jones, but it is one of these hilarious things.
Like you see shitty teams. This only happens to a bad team.

Speaker 18 There's no way that this happens. I know this has nothing to do with football.
There's zero chance that the Chiefs would go through this right now.

Speaker 3 Yes, no. And if you're a Cowboys fan and everything sucks right now, just know that once you step into this portion of the season, it's actually better.

Speaker 3 Because I've always thought that if your team's going to be bad, be a circus.

Speaker 23 Because a circus is fun.

Speaker 3 You know, like a circus is something you can laugh at. Be so dysfunctional that these stories come out and you're like, how is this happening? J.R.

Speaker 3 Smith throwing soup or like whatever, whatever crazy thing should happen.

Speaker 21 Hope that that happens so that you can root for just chaos.

Speaker 18 Yeah, well, what's going to start happening now that this story got so much attention, there's going to be like a big

Speaker 18 magnifying glass on like every small thing about the facility, knowing that like any small mishap is going to be like, oh, look at the dumpster fire. Yes.
Live, look at the cowboys.

Speaker 18 Like somebody gets locked in the bathroom and then that becomes a story.

Speaker 18 Whereas if this was a team that was like going to go nine and seven or eight and eight, Ed Werter will overlook the fact that Mike McCarthy has locked himself in a bathroom stall for the fourth time this year.

Speaker 18 Yes. But if it's this comically hilarious team, Ed Werter is going to go live with like two cameras inside the bathroom to get comment from Mike as he's flushing the toilet with one foot.
You know,

Speaker 18 all these weird things are going to come to light. I'm very excited about it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and Jerry Jones doing his mad press conferences.

Speaker 3 You can really, it's like the like post 9-11 when we had the threat level that they would put on the news every night, like where it is, you know, like it's green, it's red, it's yellow.

Speaker 3 Jerry Jones being agitated on his weekly radio hit is pretty much the threat level for the Cowboys and how their season is going.

Speaker 19 Like it'll just be a story.

Speaker 3 I think I saw, I didn't even,

Speaker 3 I didn't even hear it or whatever. I just saw like something just passed, glance by my eyes being like, Jerry Jones apologizes for

Speaker 3 like hanging up on someone or being agitated with someone.

Speaker 23 He told him to shut up.

Speaker 27 Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 18 I mean, any other owner in the NFL, like, you don't really, okay, it's a major, major story. When it's Jerry Jones, says he does this radio hit every single week, you just kind of learn to ignore it.

Speaker 18 So today he said, there's an old adage, don't piss an old man off with a little money.

Speaker 18 It'll get you. There you go.
Jerry's telling everyone you want to stay in the will.

Speaker 18 This is a very, it's a very dangerous Jerry Jones because he has nothing to lose. He's cornered.
Jerry knows that he's probably going to die in the next five years if he keeps going the way he is.

Speaker 18 And God bless him. I'm sure that he wouldn't change a damn thing.
But he also knows that

Speaker 18 I need to get me some glory hole. Yeah.

Speaker 3 As he would put it. He might, I wouldn't be shocked if Jerry Jones tries to just change the rules of the salary cap, being like, no salary cap for these next five years.

Speaker 18 Or just blatantly cheat and then let the next person coin everyone.

Speaker 23 Getting caught.

Speaker 13 Yes, yes.

Speaker 27 All right.

Speaker 7 We're recording this after game six. We're going to put this into the show.
We are all at home, but we are hopping on a Zoom because we figured World Series, the Dodgers have won the World Series.

Speaker 7 Our good, close, personal friend, Tom of the Sword is not going to kill himself. We need to recap the game.
And I think we can all agree the game was

Speaker 7 Kevin Cash versus Computer. And he let his computer fuck him in the face.
And the Rays died by saber metrics and congrats to the Dodgers and Clayton Kershaw, Mookie Betts and everyone else. Yeah.

Speaker 7 I mean, the Houston Rockets officially killed numbers in basketball.

Speaker 7 I think the Tampa Bay Rays, we can ignore the fact that they probably shouldn't have been in the World Series to begin with if it weren't for those numbers.

Speaker 7 But those very same numbers came back to bite them in the ass. They got fucked by a spreadsheet tonight.
So for people who didn't watch.

Speaker 7 If you're watching the Bacherette, if you were going to sleep early, Blake Snell started. I mean, that is the first sign that he fucked up.

Speaker 7 He took a Blake out of the World Series when he was absolutely dominating. Blake Snell was 73 pitches,

Speaker 7 two hits, zero runs into the game. And up, he had the next guys, the next guys in the lineup, the next three guys were 0 for 6.

Speaker 7 with uh or no sorry the next four guys in the lineup were 0 for six with six strikeouts and he pulled him after a single in what was it the bottom of the sixth and was like i'm yanking him the computer says we've got to go to the bullpen i'm going to freak out i'm a nerd i've never realized that the game is played with emotion and humans and not on a spreadsheet and then the dodgers end up winning on a pat uh pass ball mookie beth then scores on a on a grounder to first and the computers have failed you So computers lose, Dodgers win.

Speaker 7 That's the story of a great World Series. Right.
In the words of our our good friend Matthew McConaughey, it's nerds versus dorks. Kevin Cash was a dork tonight.
He should have been a nerd.

Speaker 7 A nerd is cool. A nerd would know.
In fact, an asshole would have known. I think in a situation like this,

Speaker 7 in the postseason, if you have a team that's comprised of nerds in the front office controlling decision making, you should have one asshole in the dugout.

Speaker 7 And during the playoffs, that asshole gets to fight the nerd or the dork that's telling them to do something completely against the asshole's gut feeling.

Speaker 7 You get one fight, you knock them out, you get to take that decision making.

Speaker 7 Bring in like hire Tony LaRusso to be the guy in your clubhouse that gets to fight the dork when he starts to manage with a spreadsheet. Because, I mean, I don't know shit about baseball.

Speaker 7 I'll be, I'll be dead serious about this when it comes to saber. No, no, saber metrics and all that.
You're a senior metric.

Speaker 7 No, well, I'm talking about when it comes to saber metrics. Okay, yeah.
I don't know, I know everything about baseball, but when it comes to knowing about the numbers behind the game, I'm a shithead.

Speaker 7 I don't know anything. But I can tell you, in this circumstance, you have to be a world-class dork to pull out Blake Snow.

Speaker 7 Well, here's the only counter argument to everyone who is saying that Kevin Cash is an idiot and he totally fucked us up, which I happen to agree with.

Speaker 7 The only counter argument that you could throw out there is this is how the Rays have played the entire season.

Speaker 7 They have played this way the entire season, the old dance with the one that brought you.

Speaker 7 If this is how you're going to play, if the system has always worked and gotten you this far, follow the system and keep following the system in the World Series.

Speaker 7 But at some point, at some point, and it's kind of like a perfect microcosm for where we are with sports in general. At some point, you have to realize the human element.

Speaker 7 Your guy is pitching an absolute stellar performance.

Speaker 7 Rolling in a gym, that's what we call it. He's he's he's he's absolute shoving.
If you want to be a real steam head, he's shoving on the bump.

Speaker 7 And you then take him out because, oh, you're the third time through the lineup, and this is kind of what you've done every single game.

Speaker 7 It just, it's baffling. So I, you know, I wanted a game seven.
I think we all wanted a game seven. I am happy for Clayton Kershaw.
I'm very happy for Magic Johnson.

Speaker 7 I'm very happy for Tommy Lasorda, Mookie Betts.

Speaker 7 I don't know who else. Are we happy for anyone else? Walker Bueller's got a LeBron Ronchie.
It's a real title.

Speaker 7 LA's title town. Walker Bueller's got a cool name.

Speaker 7 I'm trying to think who else is. A lot of good beards on the team, too.
I like that.

Speaker 7 Cody bellinger's cool he's i'm cool with him i'm tight with him i'm happy for the stadium they've got a cool like nice retro field and stadium out there yeah we were really high when we were in it that one time it felt like a nice warm cozy place yeah the best was when we took uh when we went out to dodgers dodger stadium and took edibles and then those like 50 year old i think they were like real hollywood type of guys uh were standing in line with us and asked us what we did because people kept on coming up to us asking for pictures and we were so high we like couldn't we couldn't describe what a podcast was.

Speaker 7 Well, I just, I think we were just in line for food, and our explanation was, well, we're going to get two mini helmets of ice cream.

Speaker 7 We're going to get some pretzels and the Dodger dogs and maybe some nachos, the ones that come in the plastic bag with the, with the neon yellow cheese that you get to dip it into.

Speaker 7 And he was like, no, but what do you do? And we're like, we're snacking. Yeah.

Speaker 7 We are snacking.

Speaker 7 I did learn a fun fact about the third time through the lineup tonight.

Speaker 7 So that's going to be one little bit of information that I grasp onto for the next 50 years about how you always pull your former Cy Young winning pitcher out when it's the third time through the lineup, because I guess it's like it's tough to beat Belichick, you know, three times in a year, or it's tough to beat anyone in football three times in a year.

Speaker 7 Same thing with baseball. So if you see the same batter three times, he's probably going to hit some taters off you the third time.

Speaker 7 The other only explanation I can give is if you're Kevin Cash, you just have to say, like, what happens if I ignore the computers?

Speaker 7 And then 20 years from now, when they run the world, they look back in time and they want to know why I was insubordinate to the computers.

Speaker 7 So if you think about it from that perspective, Kevin Cash was right. It was future self-preservation on his part.
So I guess he was playing chess while we were playing checkers.

Speaker 7 Here's the only other thing I'll say that's positive about Kevin Cash tonight. Usually we blame managers.

Speaker 7 to when managers and coaches who clearly manage and coach for uh like the the public public consumption. It's the Pat Shermer, like the box scores.

Speaker 7 They don't want to lose by 21, so they'll start punting when they're down 14 with like seven minutes left in the fourth quarter. That kind of stuff.

Speaker 7 Kevin Cash doesn't give a fuck because no one would have blamed him if he kept in Blake Snell and Blake Snell gave up a home run or hit there. Everyone would have been like, right choice.

Speaker 7 Instead, he was like, fuck this. I'm going to be bold and it's going to blow up in my face.
And I don't care. So

Speaker 7 the the only other thing I'm thinking of is like, what the hell does Blake Snell do when he gets in the locker room? Does he fight? Like, I think you have to take a swing at him.

Speaker 7 You have to take a swing. And by him, I mean Kevin Cash's computer, obviously.

Speaker 7 I think, yeah, you can, so in, in terms of being a Blake, I think it's totally inbounds to take a baseball bat directly to the monitor and the CPU.

Speaker 7 Maybe like, maybe fill up the entire, the entire shower down there in Arlington and then throw the computer into the filled bathtub and just absolutely destroy it.

Speaker 7 But I think it's very unblake-like behavior to actually try to fight your coach.

Speaker 7 I think that Blake-like behavior would be get in your car, drive home after destroying the computer, crank up the nickel back and just like scream at the top of your lungs holding the steering wheel on the way home.

Speaker 7 Yes, yes. Do we have the World Series MVP? I think it's probably Kevin Cash.
Is that right? Awarding it right now to probably Corey Seeger, but maybe Kevin Cash. Let's see.

Speaker 7 If it was Kevin Cash app, he would have won. If it was Kevin Cash app, he never would have made such a risky decision.

Speaker 7 I'm looking. We're going to give you, we're going to say, where's Tommy Lasorda too? Someone make sure they keep their eyes on Tommy Lasorda here.
I think Tommy

Speaker 7 has to,

Speaker 7 his trainer had to, or his physician had to stab adrenaline directly into his heart, like in pulp fiction. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 7 All right. So they're about to announce it.
Was it Mookie? Hank, can you find it? Can we find it? I guarantee you.

Speaker 7 I think it's Corey Seeger. Yeah.

Speaker 5 They're doing it now.

Speaker 7 Yeah, but Jake knows about five minutes before everyone. And everyone's going to be sappy about Clayton Kershaw.

Speaker 7 Justin Turner came out of the game because he had a test, a positive COVID test. That sucks.
So now he can't celebrate.

Speaker 7 Jesus.

Speaker 7 Damn.

Speaker 7 That's got to be the worst. You can't.

Speaker 7 They just didn't even... They were just like, yeah, he had a positive COVID test and just kept on, kept on trucking.

Speaker 7 I'd also like to say that the Washington Nationals are are still current regular full season World Series champions. That is true.
For the record.

Speaker 7 If that had gone to game seven, what the fuck would have happened? What? Yeah, the COVID? Yeah. That's a great point, Hank.
Holy shit. I didn't even think about that.
Keep Tommy away from them.

Speaker 7 How does like the whole team must have it? So, yeah, so the whole team is probably at high risk of infection.

Speaker 7 Rob Manford is going to get COVID. He wasn't where he is.
Did you see? Did you see like two seconds ago, Rob Manford got up to the podium?

Speaker 7 He was just standing next to all the Dodgers players, and he just stuck his finger all the way inside of his nose.

Speaker 7 Rob Manford probably just gave himself COVID during the World Series trophy presentation.

Speaker 7 It's so funny that Rob Manford's about to boast about successfully finishing this season while the World Series champions all have COVID now. Oh my God, get Magic Johnson away from them, too.
Yes.

Speaker 7 Yeah, that's bad. He should not be on the field right now.

Speaker 7 All right. I'm just going to say it's Corey Seeger.
The World Series MVP is Corey Seeger. They're taking way too long to announce it.
Rob Manfred picked his nose. Like you said, PFT got booed.

Speaker 7 The Dodgers owner gave the longest, weirdest speech. I'm out.
Thank you, baseball. Thank you for

Speaker 7 coming back for your 60-game season. This was a fun World Series.
It actually was very entertaining. I will miss baseball as soon as we realize we have no sports on tomorrow night.

Speaker 7 We literally have no sports tomorrow night for the first time in like three months. So thank you.
Thank you. We sleep.

Speaker 7 We sleep on Wednesday.

Speaker 7 That's what our motto is. Hank, I have one last question for you.
Do you think that Brian O'Halloran, is that his name? Brian O'Halloran, the GM for the Red Sox, you think he gets a World Series ring?

Speaker 7 Probably not.

Speaker 5 I don't think so. No.

Speaker 27 Come on.

Speaker 7 Might get fired. Sure.
Get some bookie bats. Yeah.
Maybe he gets a job. Maybe this is a long play on his part.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 All that matters is space.

Speaker 7 Like, you can have a World series ring or you can have like room to maneuver and you know i think that's right you guys could get like a hundred players right it's it's it's you gotta think big picture psd

Speaker 7 yeah and also imagine all that tat like all the tax you would have had to pay the payroll tax would have been just astronomical so from a financial standpoint i think we can all agree in a pandemic the boston red socks are the real winners tiger meme how could i i will never financially recover from this there you go all right let's get to our ad and then we'll do hot seat cool throne.

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Speaker 11 Okay, Hot Sea Cool Throne, Henry.

Speaker 5 Daniel.

Speaker 3 In his conductor pants.

Speaker 25 Rude.

Speaker 27 What do you think about Hank's pants?

Speaker 18 Do those have a zipper on the knee?

Speaker 29 Is that a knee?

Speaker 18 You got a knee zipper? That's just for drugs, isn't it? No, listen. Anytime I see a zipper pop up in a place that I'm not used to seeing.

Speaker 35 I wear sweatpants every single day.

Speaker 14 One day I wear normal pants. Pick up.

Speaker 5 You're wearing shoes that are 17 different colors.

Speaker 35 Oh, shoes.

Speaker 28 Oh, here we go.

Speaker 3 These are pretty nice.

Speaker 19 Let me see those tubes.

Speaker 35 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 39 Literally, they're. Yeah.

Speaker 36 Let me see your thighs.

Speaker 39 They're nice.

Speaker 5 You can't match them with anything because they're 100 different colors.

Speaker 23 Wow. Who would ever wear do lashing out shoes?

Speaker 32 I mean,

Speaker 3 you're wearing pinstripes.

Speaker 5 I'm wearing nice pants. Sorry, you know, one day a week of my life, I was like, I'm going to wear pinsteads.

Speaker 36 They're cargo pants.

Speaker 35 Cargo pants.

Speaker 32 Just TFT is wearing teal sweatpants.

Speaker 31 Yeah, I am. Just

Speaker 35 plounds. And you're coming at me for wearing pants with stripes.

Speaker 18 It looks like you're the head chef at an Applebee's.

Speaker 27 Yes.

Speaker 18 That's what those, you got the baggy, like, yeah. Sell us a bag of Coke behind the fucking door.

Speaker 28 You don't even watch fucking Mandalorian wearing wearing a baby. Yeah, baby.

Speaker 32 Fucking poser. Baby, I'm trying to sell merch.
Poser.

Speaker 18 Hank, you're wearing a trucker hat despite you don't have a driver's license.

Speaker 35 Oh, that's not true. I do have a driver's license.

Speaker 23 Yeah, but I wouldn't ride with you.

Speaker 3 We're roasting each other.

Speaker 35 Anyway,

Speaker 5 speaking of things that you roast me for, my hot seat is vacations.

Speaker 25 Oh, okay.

Speaker 5 So everyone knows, you know, I'm a huge advocate of vacations.

Speaker 5 People in the United States, especially you guys, like there's a lot of vacation shaming that goes on there. The latest victim, Kim Kardashian West.

Speaker 5 No. I don't know if you guys saw this, but today she posted on Twitter.
It's her 40th birthday. She posted a long thread.

Speaker 5 I don't know if she thought that, how she thought this was going to go for her, but it didn't go well.

Speaker 5 She said, After two weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal for just a brief moment in time.

Speaker 5 And like in this thread, she was talking about how great it felt to be, you know, feeling normal. And everyone was just like,

Speaker 5 who the fuck has the ability to take 50 people to a private island?

Speaker 10 Normal.

Speaker 5 So she was getting vacation shamed, and as you know, someone who is an advocate for vacations, it's sad to see.

Speaker 3 So, vacations are on my list. Did you take her family there, or like Kanye?

Speaker 5 Her family, no, Kanye. Okay, so

Speaker 5 Devin Booker was on the guest list.

Speaker 35 50 people?

Speaker 18 How many Phoenix sons were on this guest list? Just one.

Speaker 35 Just one.

Speaker 18 I know what this is. This is just straight up a let's get away from Kanye weekend, which I think, like, okay, acknowledged coincided with Joe Rogan, Kanye, yeah.

Speaker 3 That makes sense. So, wait,

Speaker 3 she was like, Yeah, this is just we wanted to pretend like life is normal.

Speaker 5 We danced, rode bikes, swam near whales, kayaked, watched a movie on the beach, and so much more.

Speaker 14 Normal shit.

Speaker 5 I realize that for most people, this is something that is so far out of reach right now.

Speaker 35 So, in moments like these, I'm humbly reminded of how privileged my life is.

Speaker 19 Now, hashtag this is 40.

Speaker 11 It's out of reach all the time for all of us.

Speaker 18 I like that. Listen, most people during a pandemic can't go to Bali and set up a movie theater screen on the sand and watch a preview of Tenet.

Speaker 10 But we can.

Speaker 18 And once this all gets back to normal, I'm hoping that all of you will be able to do that as well.

Speaker 3 People who've lost their job being like, what I really miss is being able to take 50 people to a private island.

Speaker 5 I still don't want to see Tenet. That movie really got

Speaker 5 fucked. Yeah.

Speaker 27 Big time.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 18 Why is everybody... Tenet is the Deshaun Watson of movies.
Everyone feels bad for Tenet coming out this year and like no other film that was going to come out this year or next.

Speaker 18 It's like all about Tenet, Tenet, tenant.

Speaker 18 The reason why I'm mad about tenant is because I just get confused watching the trailer.

Speaker 39 They, if you're going to see that, I think everyone that saw the movie, it was confusing as shit, too.

Speaker 5 Everyone, everyone, like, movie sounds like, when is it coming out? Well, it was, it like came out, but it was like in states where you could go to the movies, which was like no states.

Speaker 21 Is that phone?

Speaker 18 Do we have a phone in this studio?

Speaker 25 Pick it up. Pick it up.
Yeah, what the hell? Let me turn the phone thing on. What is going on?

Speaker 25 Who's calling? Lenny?

Speaker 29 Mad

Speaker 3 pick it up. Hey, Susie.

Speaker 9 Yes, patch him through.

Speaker 40 And this is a courtesy call to renew your warranty.

Speaker 18 Did you think this wasn't a completely trial?

Speaker 25 If you're interested in renewing your warranty now, please press five.

Speaker 40 Press five, hang on or press nine to be removed from our list.

Speaker 3 Let's talk to him. Did you think that was a real person there?

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 25 Oh.

Speaker 39 I don't know. All right.

Speaker 5 Did you not press five? I did, but it wasn't going through it. I don't even know if, like, I don't think our phone system works like that.

Speaker 27 I wanted to talk to the clown pants aren't royalty.

Speaker 37 All right.

Speaker 25 Wow, Hank.

Speaker 29 He's looking me up and down.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 18 Jeans, Hank, would have passed that clown.

Speaker 36 I don't even wear fucking jeans.

Speaker 33 He's looking me up and down.

Speaker 5 At least that's one of the jumpsuits I got you for Christmas last year when you guys didn't give me a gift.

Speaker 39 Yeah, we got the gift of you taking another vacation.

Speaker 5 No, I haven't.

Speaker 18 I bought you a gift before you get to the game.

Speaker 32 We literally gave you our vacation.

Speaker 18 My gift for you literally expired before you got back for me to give it to you.

Speaker 28 We told Erica, people take our vacations.

Speaker 41 I like your pants. Positive vibes.

Speaker 5 Thank you, Billy.

Speaker 18 Wait, you're happy that Billy said he likes your pants?

Speaker 5 Yeah, he's not fucking 100 years old.

Speaker 27 It's good to be able to do that.

Speaker 21 You know about fashion.

Speaker 18 It looks like a braille word for corduroy.

Speaker 3 No, he looks like a train conductor in a fucking children's book that I'm going to read to my son tonight.

Speaker 22 It's a drip. It's drip.
It's drip.

Speaker 20 I don't have much drip.

Speaker 18 I got that Polar Express strip going on. Henry the Sad Train Conductor.

Speaker 25 Choo Choo.

Speaker 37 Jeez.

Speaker 5 My cool throne is Justice.

Speaker 34 Law and Order Hank. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 18 Big fan of ACB.

Speaker 5 NCAA is back. UMass tennis, girls' tennis team got stripped of an A-10 title in three years of wins.

Speaker 39 What?

Speaker 5 Because they self-reported reimbursing a player for a $252 phone jack in their room.

Speaker 5 So, like, the players, they didn't know that they had the phone jack, and they were like, oh, like, you know, we didn't know this was part of our

Speaker 18 why do they need a $252 phone jack?

Speaker 5 No, they didn't know it was in their room. So they got charged for it, and they were like, we didn't know this was in our room.

Speaker 5 So UMass was like, we'll pay for your phone jack because we didn't tell you guys this is in your room. Got it.
Then they're like, just to be safe, we'll report this.

Speaker 5 And then they got stripped of three years of wins and an A-10 title.

Speaker 27 Okay, well, we will.

Speaker 35 So justice is on the cool throne.

Speaker 18 We will no longer acknowledge those 252 wins are their A-10 title on this show.

Speaker 28 We're going to have to take back all the parties we threw.

Speaker 25 What's the phone?

Speaker 18 Yeah, we're going to have to delete at least seven of them.

Speaker 25 What the hell is a phone joint?

Speaker 21 What's a phone job?

Speaker 19 No, that's actually a fair question for someone your age.

Speaker 41 Like, is it like a charger?

Speaker 18 No, you plug your phone into the wall.

Speaker 25 Right.

Speaker 18 And you know what an Ethernet cable looks like? That little weird blinky thing at the end? That goes into your phone, and then you can use your phone to make phone calls.

Speaker 12 House phone.

Speaker 23 Like a landline

Speaker 18 the landline but i was looking at a picture of it right now oh yeah it's like an ethernet cable yeah yeah yeah it's why it's an ethernet cable for boomers but why would you have that in a hotel room no like their dorm because you used to have to use a phone in your dorm room that wasn't a cell phone

Speaker 5 these girls were on scholarship

Speaker 5 and it was they got put in a room they got charged for having a phone jack in their room.

Speaker 22 Oh, geez.

Speaker 5 So then they were like, this is bullshit because we don't even use a fucking phone jack because we're not boomers.

Speaker 5 So then the team was like, all right, we'll give you the $252 that you got charged for it.

Speaker 25 Bang.

Speaker 25 That's fucking wins vacated.

Speaker 23 No.

Speaker 18 I agree with Justice.

Speaker 18 Listen, if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything. And you need to draw a line.
Man's got to live by a code. And this code is no handouts.

Speaker 3 Good hot seat, cool throne, Hank.

Speaker 25 Thanks.

Speaker 14 Great job. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Is that it, Hank? For hot seat, cool throne? Yeah.

Speaker 25 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 18 My hot seat is toxic masculinity toxic masculinity shaming because people will shame each other for clothes they wear no that's not toxic masculinity yeah it is that's toxic as fuck

Speaker 18 you look as boys being boys pmd special you look like a waiter at al capone's funeral

Speaker 21 uh yeah you definitely yeah are you you look like a halloween costume you're wearing the bottom half of a halloween costume at an orange county it's just uh like adult halloween party in california check it out hey hey you like

Speaker 3 my Tommy gun?

Speaker 18 You look like you're at a janitor-themed bar mitzvah.

Speaker 34 Did you, you dress yourself blind.

Speaker 35 Look, everything you're wearing is free. I don't think you've ever put together.

Speaker 23 But I would never wear anything like that.

Speaker 30 It's more embarrassing.

Speaker 23 If I gave you, if I was like, hey, PFT, we got Cynthia's pants.

Speaker 5 You'd wear them the next day.

Speaker 18 Is it more embarrassing that I'll wear this or that you'll pay money for that?

Speaker 35 You.

Speaker 32 Anyways.

Speaker 3 Oh, we're going to have to tweet out a picture. This basically became the pants.

Speaker 31 It's going to be a fit-off. It's going to be a fit-off.

Speaker 27 We'll put it up on a poll.

Speaker 32 What, Bants? What, Bill?

Speaker 41 His pants look like a lazy town character,

Speaker 23 which is kind of like in now.

Speaker 41 I don't participate, but it's like, I get what he's going for.

Speaker 18 Yeah, no, they're like the pants that Lou Perlman gets to wear in jail.

Speaker 14 R.I.P.

Speaker 23 Well, not really. Do you say R.I.P.?

Speaker 35 It sounds like he's dead?

Speaker 3 I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 39 I mean, he's the guy from Sons of Anarchy.

Speaker 23 Yeah, but he's fat as fuck. No, he's the guy that

Speaker 18 managed Backstreet Boys.

Speaker 3 Oh, big time dead. He's dead?

Speaker 19 D.D., But no, we don't do R.I.P. for him.

Speaker 27 No, like he got canceled and died.

Speaker 10 We're just like,

Speaker 21 thank God he's dead.

Speaker 39 He's fucked up.

Speaker 23 We call that the Ciceliano.

Speaker 14 No, James. Takes back about that.

Speaker 30 All right. All right.

Speaker 18 My hot seat is toxic masculinity.

Speaker 18 So there was a guy from Pro Football Focus who said that, in my humble opinion, IMHO, attacking the Cowboys for not going after Bostic, who by any means wasn't a threat to Dalton anymore, is toxic masculinity at its peak.

Speaker 18 So this guy from Pro Football Focus, I think he's in Germany. He's a German guy, right, Billy?

Speaker 3 They love hiring guys not from America to tell us they do.

Speaker 10 They watch our sport.

Speaker 18 America's team and America's toxic sport.

Speaker 19 You want toxic masculinity?

Speaker 18 It's toxic Germaninity.

Speaker 3 Yeah, stop talking about our sport, bro.

Speaker 21 Forgive me.

Speaker 3 Stick to fucking Bayern not covering the spread today.

Speaker 18 Forgive me for not wanting to trust what a German has to say, a bunch of people with stars on their shirts.

Speaker 18 I'm not going to go down that road, but you're taking me there, Pro Football Focus moo.

Speaker 18 But he said basically that we should not be shaming the Cowboys for not defending any Dalton. Meanwhile, every person that's ever played football has responded and been like, this is incorrect.
Yes.

Speaker 18 Because there is something to be said for like you send a message to the person that's going to hit your next quarterback. Absolutely.

Speaker 18 So like, and if you don't have your one dude, Billy, you probably can speak to this better. I actually, when you got knocked out, did your offensive lineman have your back?

Speaker 41 They did have my back, but you're not supposed to touch the person who's knocked out. This is actually a very important fact for viewers out there.
Why?

Speaker 41 Because when they banned smelling salts, it was because the unconscious people would jolt their heads back after smelling them.

Speaker 41 And if they had a fracture in their neck, it would crack their neck and make them paralyzed. So you're not supposed to touch someone who's knocked out.

Speaker 21 Complete ergonomic.

Speaker 23 It's not.

Speaker 21 That's why they banned smelling salts.

Speaker 28 That's why they smell every weekend.

Speaker 23 Right, right, but every single weekend.

Speaker 41 That's why they don't give people who are knocked out smelling salts anymore because they jolt their head back and it moves their neck and can cause a serious neck injury.

Speaker 41 So the Cowboys should not have been touching the lifeless, not moving Andy Dalton on the floor because they should have been fighting.

Speaker 19 Yeah, they should have been fighting.

Speaker 20 You shouldn't be touching.

Speaker 3 No touching, only fighting. Exactly.

Speaker 10 I agree with that.

Speaker 20 Or call the police. Call the professional.

Speaker 18 That's what a pro football-focused guy wants you to do. If you see something like happen to your quarterback, don't be a hero.
Call law enforcement over and have law enforcement take care of you.

Speaker 3 That's also just a classic case of a guy just trying to be like, everyone thinks this, let me show you how I think differently.

Speaker 18 It's a nerd that learned about a very serious issue that heard somebody talk about toxic masculinity one time. He's like, I'm going to fit this into everything that I write about.

Speaker 3 We're not saying like, go kill John Bossick. We're saying like, hey, maybe have a problem with your quarterback's head getting taken off.

Speaker 35 Hold him accountable. Hold on.
Hold him accountable. So it doesn't happen again.

Speaker 18 So exactly. So it doesn't happen to Gucci Denucci.

Speaker 3 Yes, he's in trouble now.

Speaker 18 Like, if somebody comes over to your house and like hits your dog,

Speaker 18 but then they're not then they're not hitting your dog anymore? Are you gonna be like, Okay, we're cool now, just don't do that.

Speaker 3 Let me just let me just make sure my dog's okay first.

Speaker 27 Yeah,

Speaker 18 you're going through the plate glass window. I'm not gonna ask you if you want to stick around and fuck my wife, I'm gonna throw you out the front door.

Speaker 29 Yeah, Charles Barkley ass.

Speaker 25 Boom, throwing him out the window.

Speaker 20 All right, whatcha cool drug.

Speaker 18 Oh, yeah, sorry, I get a little worked up.

Speaker 26 That's toxic masculinity.

Speaker 28 Yeah, we're fucking working a lather.

Speaker 23 Hand up.

Speaker 18 We just got killed a guy in my head. Yeah, we just got the guy that attacked Leroy.

Speaker 3 So jacked up, we went literally like three minutes without mentioning Hank's pants. Yeah.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 18 That'd be a good name for the for the brand of those pants. It's just toxic masculinity.

Speaker 25 Right, Hank?

Speaker 35 What's your cool throne?

Speaker 23 My cool throne is being a human being.

Speaker 22 Oh.

Speaker 18 So Baseball Prospectus has announced that they are no longer allowing writers to refer to players as being assets.

Speaker 18 So Baseball Prospectus is a magazine, what do you call it, a quarterly?

Speaker 27 Sure.

Speaker 18 A journal? Who cares? It's something.

Speaker 18 And what they've done for the last like 25 years, their whole reason for existence has basically been to distill baseball down to numbers games and like a spreadsheet and be like, here's what's being undervalued, here's what's being overvalued.

Speaker 18 And now they've realized through the Astros accomplishing what they've accomplished

Speaker 18 that maybe

Speaker 18 they should talk about players like they aren't numbers anymore.

Speaker 3 So this is kind of like when they went, they don't do disabled lists anymore.

Speaker 25 It's injured reserves.

Speaker 19 Yes, you're listening. No, it's what is it?

Speaker 18 No, it's.

Speaker 3 What is it? What is it instead of disabled list?

Speaker 18 D-word abled list. IL, injured list.

Speaker 31 IL, that's right.

Speaker 44 I-L. R-word list.

Speaker 22 Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 These are the type of decisions that people make that you're just playing into the angry guy online. Like,

Speaker 3 you make a decision about a fucking word that no one has ever thought twice about. They now can just argue about, like, they're trying to take away our words, asset.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 27 What? Yeah.

Speaker 18 you can't even say asset anymore.

Speaker 18 Sorry if this offends, but it's funny because baseball prospectus has been like their entire mission statement has been pissing off guys like that for other reasons, and now they're like doubling down.

Speaker 18 They're saying, Hey, we're going to call ourselves out on being problematic, getting all the way in, even though they created this entire movement that's going on right now where players are literally looked at as only assets.

Speaker 18 Correct. Like the Tampa Bay, Tampa Bay Rays, they have a roster of

Speaker 18 they are all assets, they are thick, their assets are prime and plump.

Speaker 24 All right, my hot seat is myself.

Speaker 23 Ready for this, Hank?

Speaker 3 Myself, I'm on the hot seat for doubting my friend Henry Lockwood because, Henry, you said to me on Monday that just you wait about the Coco and your football teams. Well, I'm sorry, Hank.

Speaker 10 You were right.

Speaker 3 This coronavirus thing, we should probably shut down all the seasons because Graham Mertz has the Coco and so does Chase Wolf, and they're thinking about canceling the Wisconsin-Nebraska game.

Speaker 10 And Hank, you were right.

Speaker 25 Thank you. 100%, you were right.

Speaker 37 I know.

Speaker 22 I appreciate your apology. So

Speaker 3 I'm sorry.

Speaker 21 Apology accepted.

Speaker 20 Why are you keep looking me up and down?

Speaker 3 He's eyeing you. He's eyeing me.

Speaker 18 He's sizing you up.

Speaker 25 Hard.

Speaker 5 I sit directly across from you. I have no choice.

Speaker 21 All right, but yeah, this sucks.

Speaker 18 Everything sucks. What are you going to do? Vandenboom time?

Speaker 12 Vandenboom.

Speaker 3 Or just cancel the season and become like, maybe I'll just become Dan Woken.

Speaker 23 Yeah. Just be like, they should never have played in the beginning with.

Speaker 27 But also

Speaker 3 keep the one-on-one record.

Speaker 18 Yeah, Dan Woken cats. Dan Wilkatz.

Speaker 3 Yes, I'm down for that. Like, I'm down to just shift and be like, you know what? The Big Ten was a bad idea.

Speaker 18 Yeah, well, I mean, 21 days is a lot.

Speaker 21 It's so stupid.

Speaker 3 But God damn it.

Speaker 24 Can I just admit to something?

Speaker 29 Yeah. A hand up.

Speaker 18 I have no idea what's the right amount of days.

Speaker 23 Again, I don't either, but 21 just feels warm.

Speaker 18 It sounds like a lot of way too many days. It sounds like way longer than 14 days or even 10 minutes.

Speaker 19 Way too many days. Way too many.

Speaker 18 You know what you can do to your body in 21 days? I could completely transform my body in 21 days.

Speaker 3 All right, my cool throne is everyone, all the LeBron haters out there, because we got officially an asterisk on this title via Pat Riley.

Speaker 27 Ever heard of him?

Speaker 3 He knows sports. He knows basketball.
He said the other day, they beat us fair and square. They were the best team.

Speaker 3 But there's always going to be an asterisk, that caveat, if we had Bam and Gorin, Gorin was our leading scorer in the playoffs at 100%. It could have gone to seven games or whatever.

Speaker 10 Fact.

Speaker 3 So there you go.

Speaker 19 He said, there it is.

Speaker 3 And then someone asked to clarify because they're like, hey, dude, sounds like you put an asterisk on this whole thing. And he's like, let me just clarify real quick.

Speaker 3 The asterisk is next to the Heat's name, not the Lakers.

Speaker 3 Their title is legitimate.

Speaker 23 Our loss has an asterisk.

Speaker 18 Oh, I like that.

Speaker 3 The Lakers were the better team.

Speaker 18 So the Heat could kind of claim co-championship.

Speaker 21 Correct.

Speaker 23 Correct.

Speaker 18 Okay, so here's.

Speaker 3 So it's not actually LeBron hating. It's just

Speaker 3 stating the fact that the Heat would have been better.

Speaker 18 We've finally figured out how this shakes out. LeBron and the Lakers, NBA champions.
Miami Heat, NBA champions, asterisks.

Speaker 21 Correct.

Speaker 23 They get the asterisks for their champions.

Speaker 18 Correct. Congratulations, Jake, to your 2020 Miami Heat.

Speaker 23 Asterisk NBA champions.

Speaker 23 Thank you.

Speaker 18 Thank you, Jimmy Butler. Great player.
Yes. Number one overall.

Speaker 28 Asterisks. Back to back 2021.

Speaker 23 That's huge.

Speaker 27 Billy, you got her hot seat cool to run?

Speaker 41 Yes. My hot seat is the United States of America.
Now, we've been waiting about... You know, we've been talking about this for a long time.
We've been in a big denial about the whole thing.

Speaker 34 But

Speaker 41 finally,

Speaker 41 a murder hornet nest has been found within the United States borders in Washington.

Speaker 20 Yep, and 100 to 200.

Speaker 41 murder hornets have been found.

Speaker 18 But we sucked that thing dry, right? We stuck a vacuum up itself.

Speaker 3 The queen is still in the tree.

Speaker 20 They have not been able to get it out.

Speaker 18 How can you tell? Cut the tree down.

Speaker 5 How many murders have they committed? Yeah.

Speaker 34 The murder hornets have arrived and they're breeding and they're here.

Speaker 18 And we should be afraid to see.

Speaker 32 Why are you?

Speaker 35 I'm not going to refuse.

Speaker 23 Why can't we

Speaker 5 murder someone?

Speaker 5 They're not murdered. They're here.

Speaker 14 They're

Speaker 3 fucked seas.

Speaker 5 Hot seat us. Second degree.

Speaker 23 We've been denying it.

Speaker 28 We've been denying it for months, and they're finally

Speaker 33 lame-ass.

Speaker 23 Do you know what they are?

Speaker 18 Right now, they're just trespassing hornets.

Speaker 11 They're here?

Speaker 18 Yeah, they haven't done shit.

Speaker 23 Billy, you would hang out here in this space shit.

Speaker 20 Nope.

Speaker 20 I was in denial.

Speaker 23 I was in denial.

Speaker 25 I was in denial, but I think we should start taking them seriously.

Speaker 27 Okay, so one

Speaker 18 here's some creative solutions. One, cut down the tree like Big Cat said.
Number two, just light that entire area of the forest on fire.

Speaker 21 Burn it. Yeah.

Speaker 27 Burn the whole fucking forest.

Speaker 41 Right, let's light the Western Forest on fire.

Speaker 14 Perfect. All right.

Speaker 21 Cool throne. Should we stutter?

Speaker 18 Otherwise, there would be murder hornets everywhere, Billy.

Speaker 13 Cool Throne Pirates.

Speaker 25 Okay.

Speaker 13 Pirates back off the coast of England.

Speaker 41 Heard there's some pirates.

Speaker 27 Oh, really?

Speaker 3 You say that, like, you just

Speaker 25 heard it, like, through.

Speaker 13 I heard it.

Speaker 3 Like, someone just was like, hey, Billy, you hear about these pirates?

Speaker 41 There's some pirates.

Speaker 3 Where did you hear it?

Speaker 18 I saw it on the internet.

Speaker 35 There's pirates.

Speaker 21 I don't know if they're doing traditional piracy.

Speaker 32 Billy Satan.

Speaker 3 Cool thrones is just trying to get...

Speaker 3 Like, Billy's sources out of it.

Speaker 23 Uh-huh. No, no.
No, I mean, pirates.

Speaker 18 To be fair, saying I saw it on the internet is better than most of Billy's sources. Yes.
Like I heard of this guy in Pirates.

Speaker 35 Okay, weird. Tell me more about that.

Speaker 41 They did a little hijacking of the pirates.

Speaker 35 They had the oil shot.

Speaker 18 Yeah. The pirates hijacking the oil shop.
That's a short thing.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 42 But no, but they haven't done it in a long time.

Speaker 35 They made a whole movie about it.

Speaker 10 Cool Throne.

Speaker 35 I'm the captain. Look at now.
But that was like 10 years ago.

Speaker 23 The pirates are back. No, what?

Speaker 3 That was about present day. No, but there's pirates now.

Speaker 21 Right. There was pirates when they made the movie.

Speaker 41 Right, but that was like 10 years ago.

Speaker 21 You think there were stopped being pirates?

Speaker 18 There's been a pause, the 10-year dormant period of pirates.

Speaker 3 Yeah, pirates were like, oh, damn, Tom Hanks was in a movie with us.

Speaker 21 Like, we should probably

Speaker 5 inspire more people to be pirates.

Speaker 9 Absolutely. Made the pirates look awesome.

Speaker 21 Yeah, well, now there's pirates. I mean, I didn't hear about pirates since then.

Speaker 18 Now there's a small pirate, you'd be like, damn, they caught that pedophile. Let's all be pirates so we can catch a bunch of pedophiles.
Exactly. I don't actually believe.

Speaker 41 Anyway, next cool throne.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 22 My hedgehog outpicked Leroy.

Speaker 20 Went

Speaker 20 four and two

Speaker 41 on the week, past four days.

Speaker 5 Positive vibes, Billy.

Speaker 27 Yeah, it's not very positive.

Speaker 26 Positive vibes. I mean, Leroy's still five and one.

Speaker 18 It's pretty good.

Speaker 3 Anyway, really just running up the score.

Speaker 27 Sad that

Speaker 18 you have to drag others down to build yourself up.

Speaker 41 I'm just saying they went head-to-head and Hedgehog won.

Speaker 25 Okay.

Speaker 18 Okay.

Speaker 20 Great job, Billy.

Speaker 27 All right, good job, Billy.

Speaker 3 Good job. All right, let's get to our interview with Michael Irvin before we do that.

Speaker 6 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 45 Sebastian Meniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 6 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 7 coming.

Speaker 45 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 3 Okay, here he is, Michael Irvin.

Speaker 3 Let's just get into it. So we have Michael Irvin on, Pro Football Hall of Famer, needs no real introduction, three-time Super Bowl winner, the playmaker.
You know him. You love him.

Speaker 3 Cowboys, Miami legend.

Speaker 3 So we're talking about you wearing being someone who doesn't have AirPods, and you have

Speaker 23 the cords just dangling out there, all screwed up. I mean, look at them.

Speaker 3 They look like a mess.

Speaker 7 Just like this right here. Just like that right there.

Speaker 25 You just leave that like that.

Speaker 7 That means action. That means you got action on this cord.

Speaker 3 You got action on the cord so so are a lot of people yelling uh mike mike i want a picture and you probably don't even have anything on in your ears you just have the cord you're doing the fake out right

Speaker 7 but listen and it's hard and i don't mind taking pictures i really don't now

Speaker 7 But this is the case, and you guys should get some of this. You guys know you're the number one podcast, so you know

Speaker 7 people like to take on the discussions that you've had.

Speaker 7 And when they see you, they want to get in what they got to get in because they watch you on TV or they watch you or they listen to you on the podcast.

Speaker 7 And they'll come back and say, Michael, Michael, you remember two weeks ago when you guys were talking about the Giants? I'm going to tell you something.

Speaker 7 You said, I'm like, dude, you know, we've had a bunch of conversations and I have to. So I try to keep moving from that.
Now, someone's up on me.

Speaker 7 And as long as we're not in a bar and there's alcohol around, I don't mind taking a picture with you.

Speaker 7 But now, if we're in a bar and there's we're out having a drink something don't ask me to take a picture in this bar there's nothing good coming out of that i'm a 50 year old man and we're sitting here and we got it's just at restaurants outside we can do all of that but but not at a bar yeah and if you have one beer in your hand people assume that that's your 10th beer of the night no matter what after the picture's taken there's no context it's like actually i only had seven of them in three shots totally different

Speaker 18 Get that taken out of context real fast. Well, I want to talk to you right off the bat.

Speaker 3 You said, you came in hot hot to this Zoom call.

Speaker 18 We asked you how you were doing. You said, don't ask me that damn question.
I'm mad because the Dallas Cowboys are in the state that they're in right now.

Speaker 18 You are very in tune with the Dallas market with Jerry Jones.

Speaker 18 What's Jerry inclined to do right now?

Speaker 18 Is he thinking about firing Mike McCarthy?

Speaker 7 I don't think Jerry's ready to go there.

Speaker 7 And I think right now...

Speaker 7 What's saving it all is everybody's being able to put what's happening on the pandemic. You know, well, we've had situations.
And quite honestly, though, I give them no excuse for this.

Speaker 7 I'm just giving the reality of this.

Speaker 7 I don't think we've seen a team hit by injuries like the Dallas Cowboys. I don't know if ever in the history of the NFL,

Speaker 7 both official tackles. Not just officer tackles, these two Pro Bowlers gone.

Speaker 7 Your starting Pro Bowl center retires on you. Then the second guy, Joe, he goes and gets hurt.
He's out. Zach Martin was the only guy that was consistent.
And then he's in and out of the lineup.

Speaker 7 And then not only do you lose your whole offensive line, because guys, I tell people all the time, if there's one guy missing, you can kind of hide that in the midst of an offensive line.

Speaker 7 And you'll struggle when there are two guys, but you start getting three and four missing. You're back to back up, guys.
And I jokingly say it all the time, and I said it last week on our show.

Speaker 7 Like, I don't want to hear that. I I don't want to hear nothing about damn offensive linemen.

Speaker 7 Listen, I tell my kids when I do camps, when I do football camps, I tell all my young kids, all my young offensive linemen, I give them the rule, the number three rule.

Speaker 7 Here's the rule of threes, I mean, the rule of threes. When you grow up, you're going to be 300 pounds.
The guy across from you, he's 300 pounds.

Speaker 7 All you have to do is stay in front of him for three seconds, and some team will pay you $300 million.

Speaker 7 One day. One day.
And I know it sounds crazy, but that's really true.

Speaker 7 And by the time they get, because these kids are eight, nine, 10 years old right now, by the time they get in the league, that number will be apropos.

Speaker 7 We got officers in the line that are getting $100 million contracts already. So you're 300 pounds.
He's 300 pounds.

Speaker 7 Figure out a way to stay in front of him for three seconds and somebody will pay you 300 milli millies.

Speaker 3 Okay, so you are famously very competitive guy, one of the hardest workers, you know, the stuff of legends in your workouts. Is there even a small part of you that sees the Cowboys?

Speaker 3 I know you love the Cowboys, you love Jerry Jones, but they've never been the same since Playmaker retired. Is there a small part of you that's like, yeah, that was because of me? Like, I'm the guy.

Speaker 7 It's just

Speaker 46 maybe a real small part.

Speaker 35 Yeah, no,

Speaker 35 he's putting his hands apart even farther.

Speaker 17 And

Speaker 7 dude, you bring up a great point to this.

Speaker 7 And this is what I talk about now. Like, imagine the position that Dak Prescott is in.
You know, these are your guys. Like, dude, when I got hurt in Philadelphia

Speaker 7 in 99 and I had to retire, and I remember watching the game, I was, you know, going to the game. I want my boys to do well because they're my boys.

Speaker 7 But I also want to be missed because I'm i'm human you know what i'm saying yeah i want to know that i matter we all do every human being i don't care who you are how righteous you think you are and straight and justify you want to matter everybody wants to matter we all want affirmation and confirmation we want to matter so so so that has me sitting there saying oh my god you know those are my guys

Speaker 7 but but but i want to be missed and he and he should know he is being missed.

Speaker 7 Oh my god Because what I see right now with Amy Dull God bless him They were averaging 36 points a game with Dak and now they're averaging six.

Speaker 7 That's 30 points If I'm Dak I'm saying Jerry every time you try somebody else out there He's making me money So this is you know back to this table Let my leg get healed up and you give me my money.

Speaker 7 Yeah, so yeah, yeah, it's an interesting thing. Yeah, you want you you want you guys to do well and that's that's the conundrum, but you want to be missed.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I appreciate the honesty there because some guys won't won't admit that, but I think you're absolutely right.

Speaker 35 That's human nature.

Speaker 7 I'm a football player. No, I'm with my team.
I want my team to do well.

Speaker 7 Shut up.

Speaker 17 Line. Stop.

Speaker 25 Stop lying, man.

Speaker 16 Stop.

Speaker 7 You got to, you just stop it.

Speaker 16 We're all human. I actually think

Speaker 18 if you had that attitude where it was like, yeah, you are not wanting to be missed. You're, you know, not a little bit upset that they're surpassing what they were doing with you.
You're probably not.

Speaker 18 the football guy to lead that team to begin with. That's probably not the right attitude to have.
Like you want to do that's always going to be competitive.

Speaker 7 And, dude, it's a fine line between that, right? Because that's you're absolutely right. And that's the setting.
Now, if you say that openly, then people,

Speaker 7 you know,

Speaker 7 they want to ostracize you. Oh, my God, you know, you selfish person.
There's a fine line between greatness and there's a fine line to how you accomplish greatness.

Speaker 7 And I think there has to be a thin line between when you are selfless and selfish all the time.

Speaker 7 Every day I'm out on practice field or prank. I want to lift my guys up.
I want to lift them up and raise them up. I want to bring

Speaker 7 the best I can and help them become the best they can be.

Speaker 7 But

Speaker 7 fourth and five with the game on the line,

Speaker 7 that's Playmaker time. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I bet right now

Speaker 7 to me.

Speaker 18 Dak Prescott wouldn't say publicly or around his teammates at least like, ha, look at that. Look at you suckers right now without me.

Speaker 18 But he will probably get to sleep a little bit more soundly at night, knowing that he's going to have that financial security and he's going to be the guy moving forward after

Speaker 18 he heals up from that leg.

Speaker 7 When he got hurt, I guarantee you he was concerned. He'll never say it.
And I love him. I love him to death.
He's a great dude, great friend. I love him to death.

Speaker 7 When he got hurt, I guarantee you, worry.

Speaker 7 When you saw Dakarine when he was leaving, all of that weighed on his head that you just brought up, all of that weighed on his head but over the last two weeks watching this watching the team go without him

Speaker 3 that he his head has calmed down and he's saying right now yeah my money will be there yeah i just gotta get out now i can just focus on the leg my money will actually might be the best negotiating technique that he's used so far yes um yeah so so i mentioned the uh famous workouts and in your work ethic can you walk us through for the for the young people that listen to our show who might not you know know know, might not remember Michael Irvin in his prime, what it looked like maybe during the height of the Cowboys and the height of your partying.

Speaker 3 How much, like what time would you get into the work, you know, practice? How late would you stay out, practice, then back out? What would it look like on a given week?

Speaker 7 Well, okay, and here's how it goes, honestly, guys, and I'll be totally flat with you and I'll be upfront with you and frank with you because.

Speaker 7 Really, I talk about it all the time. And what I was trying to do, what I did, what I did, I could have done things another way, but what I always did, like, I could party and have a great time.

Speaker 7 And Jimmy would tell us, we were in a Super Bowl. He's like, go get away for a couple months.
And I would get away.

Speaker 7 So, ooh, I mean, you know,

Speaker 7 February and March, all of February, I'm everywhere doing everything. I am absolutely everywhere doing everything.
Wowling out. I mean, I'm having a blast, to be honest with you.

Speaker 7 Somebody asked, said, Michael,

Speaker 7 how did all of it become a problem? Why did all of it become a problem? I said, because it was so fun. What do you mean? It was so fun.

Speaker 7 Nobody goes into it saying, man, I'm going to have a problem with this. You know, you go into it saying, man, this is fun.
I'm having fun. And the fun overtakes you.

Speaker 7 And I was, it's okay to have a problem. It's a problem when the problem has you.

Speaker 7 Now, for all of my life, I could do all of this thing, partying, fun, having fun, chasing women out, drinking, doing all that stuff, chasing, catching women, uh doing all of that stuff doing all of that stuff but i did it up till march my birthday is march 5th the second weekend in march which always fell as my birthday is when we started back training so i would always have a blast and then i had a big one big time party oh wow out girls we're getting high everything

Speaker 7 And then after that, I started training. And I never did anything while I was training.
Now, during the week of practice, all we would do is Thursday night, we would go out.

Speaker 7 That was our night out, Thursday night, because Friday is a light day.

Speaker 7 And Thursday night would be the day, the night that we all go out, we go over to the place of Cowboy Cafe, we have drinks, you know, mess around, chase girls, do whatever, have a good time.

Speaker 7 But it was really team bonding moments. It was the moments I would say, talk to Big E and say, hey, man, like, you know, we have chicken wings and some drinks.

Speaker 7 About four weeks from now, boy, we got Reggie White. You're going to have Reggie White.
I want to, Reggie White gonna be over here. The Minister of Defense is coming in.

Speaker 7 And, you know, you know how you get guys, they're talking about it over drinks. You know, it's all good over drink.
Four weeks later, I don't have to be in his ear. I know.

Speaker 7 All I do is come up to him. I said, big fella, you remember what we talked about over at the cafe? I got him.
Don't worry, but I got him. Because that was the bonding moment.

Speaker 7 Where I got lost, where I got lost into the parties and having a good time is when I retired. When I retired, right? And I go through February,

Speaker 7 I'm getting high, having a great time.

Speaker 7 And then March comes around and I'm still having a good time. And then April comes around and I say, okay, enough of this.

Speaker 7 Now I got to get focused on what I want to do next since I'm no longer playing football. In all of the years prior to that, you know, I never flunked a drug test, never done anything.

Speaker 7 I was always able to stop.

Speaker 7 I was always able to stop.

Speaker 7 But now I could not stop. I found myself saying, that's it, I'm not doing this anymore.
And then the next weekend, be right back out there doing it.

Speaker 7 And I had to figure, I had to get some counseling on it and find out what it was.

Speaker 7 All I was doing was switching addictions at the time. I was switching addictions.
And when I no longer had the football addiction to get out of the old addiction, the old addiction would take over.

Speaker 7 I thought that was fascinating.

Speaker 7 Because once I learned it, I was able to mitigate it and help it and said, okay, I just got to find something else to throw myself into, like I did football, to come out of this.

Speaker 7 And that's what I did.

Speaker 18 So what was that thing initially that you threw yourself into that you're like, I got to find a new addiction, a healthy addiction to get me away from the destructive addiction?

Speaker 7 Well, I got, first of all, I walked in a service and Bishop T.D. Jakes was there.
And this was a phenomenal man. I love him to death, man.

Speaker 7 And he was preaching a sermon called Coming Out the Rain. I'll never forget the sermon, Come in Out the Rain.
And he was talking about, yeah, he said, I know, it felt like he was talking right to me.

Speaker 7 He said, Yeah, I know everybody knows who you are. You got the nice cars and the big houses and you got on the nice clothes, but people don't know that you're soaking wet in pain.

Speaker 7 He says, Today is your day. to come in out the rain and i was like

Speaker 7 that's talking right to me yeah that's it right there i mean that was talking right to me so i went laid down on the altar and he came over because there's a lot of people laying down on the altar he laid his hands on me and then he started saying he said you know he spoke about he spoke to me he said you know he put me in front he said a lot of people have been talking a lot about what's going on but god can fix everything god can fix it for you and and and when i got up what he did he said michael i want i want to make sure i want to make sure sure that you get what you need.

Speaker 7 He said, I want you, you're going to travel with me. So I was traveling with Bishop Jakes.
I was an armor bearer. I mean, I carried Bibles every time.

Speaker 7 We went to LA, New York, wherever he had to go speak, took me with him. I would carry his Bible, set his Bible up on the stands and everything.
And he would mentor me in all the moments, between time.

Speaker 7 I would see the things that he was doing. And it was just fascinating.
We were in LA one time. He was speaking.
And we were staying over at uh

Speaker 7 at

Speaker 7 beverly wilshret the beverly wilshit is what we were staying at the beverly wilshreet and i said to him we were walking around and and and this guy had a rose royce and i was like man listen to this bitch if i was looking at cars the other day man this car 450 000 man why would you spend that kind of money on a car man this dude is crazy and and he got upset with me he was like son are we learning anything here am i wasting my time i said what what do you mean i'm just saying i wouldn't spend $450,000 on a car.

Speaker 7 I mean, it's going to get me to the next place, just like the $30,000, $40,000, $50,000 car. You know, he says, listen, though.

Speaker 7 He said, listen, you wouldn't spend it on a car, but you spent it on chasing women, flying all over the country, doing all that crazy stuff.

Speaker 7 He says, so why would you mess with another man if you know you got your own issues?

Speaker 7 I never thought about it like that. I mean, he was absolutely right.
I said, I never thought about it like that. And it opened my eyes like, okay, let me get off that.

Speaker 7 And what's so funny is, after all of that, I went and bought the damn car anyway.

Speaker 16 I still got the car now.

Speaker 16 Because

Speaker 18 yeah, if you spend the money on that, then that's less than you can spend on the bad shit you're trying to get away from. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 16 There you go.

Speaker 23 That's a good investment, Michael.

Speaker 7 Since I wasn't, well, no cars are investments because they're depreciating soon to lead a lot.

Speaker 7 But since I wasn't doing that, I had the extra dough to go buy the car.

Speaker 7 yeah so i went in and bought the car anyway and i just thought that was that was a fascinating lesson for me to learn uh and i just appreciate all that he did we walked in steve harvey was doing a radio show right and i walked in as an armor bear for bishop and steve harvey when i when we walked in steve harvey was on the air he said he said oh my god he said everybody Bishop Jace just walked in and he said, oh my God, because you guys know how much trouble I was getting in at the time he said guess who he just walked in with he said coming up next bishop jakes and the man he walked in here with and i'm gonna tell you if god can save this man god can save anybody that next on the steve

Speaker 7 what the hell was that i was like what was that but But I guess he was right. God could save me.
He could save anybody.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 3 This might be a dumb question.

Speaker 3 Well, not dumb dumb question but a very simple question what was it like to play on a team that was so dominant like what was it like to go into a super bowl being like we got this like there i'm not worried about it did it how what was that feeling like to be on such a dominating force of nature of a team which was the cowboys in the 90s it was absolutely nothing like

Speaker 7 it was a high uh it was a high above all highs and probably why I got lost in the other stuff, because I was looking for that kind of a high. You'll never find it.
You'll never find it.

Speaker 7 When you get 53 men that are going out on a football field, and we're going, we're coming to impose our will. Nothing you can do about this.
There's nothing you can do about it.

Speaker 7 I used to tell guys, hey, your mom, brother, daddy, sister, uncle, cousin, niece, and nephew know they're throwing the ball to me on third and eighth. And there's nothing any of you can do about it.

Speaker 7 There's nothing you can do about it. You just got to endure this.
There's nothing. That's the kind of high.
But now, to that, though, we didn't start that way.

Speaker 25 Right.

Speaker 7 You know, what made it great for us is, and why we never lost our way as a team and never started talking about each other. And meeting, we started like my first year there at 88, we were 3 and 13.

Speaker 7 I came in from Miami.

Speaker 7 National Championship. I may have lost two games, three games in my whole college career.
I mean,

Speaker 7 we were tearing people up. And then I get to Dallas.

Speaker 7 And the first thing I say when I get drafted, Cowboys going to the Super Bowl, because I thought I was the key. We got them now.
Annie White, get ready. You're going to get the MVP.

Speaker 7 You get to in the Pro Bowl. We're going to the Super Bowl.
And I was such a sore loser. Man, we started that first game.
I remember in Pittsburgh, my first game. I catch a curl rap.

Speaker 7 Rob Woodson right there. I take this thing to distance.
I'm like, this is easy. I'm about to kill this league.

Speaker 7 Man, after I scored that touchdown, they scored, they scored, and they scored, they scored. We didn't score anymore.
We lost that game. And I was absolutely boohoo crying in my locker room.

Speaker 7 And there were guys coming up to me. And

Speaker 7 I'll never forget this. Coming up to me and saying, hey, man, come on now.
Because I was literally tear crying. I was, you know, he said, come on, man.
You got to get this to NFL.

Speaker 7 We don't do that in the NFL.

Speaker 7 Just pick up that check on Tuesday. That blew my mind.
I'm thinking, I've been working my ass off all my life to get here because I want to compete with the best.

Speaker 7 And all you guys are talking about is picking up a check on Tuesday. Oh, my God.
We went 3-13 that year. The next year,

Speaker 7 Jimmy Johnson came in and coached my coach in college. Dude,

Speaker 7 when Jimmy came in, y'all know, as brothers, as brothers, we got this thing. I ain't no snitch.
It's a big thing in the black community.

Speaker 7 I ain't no snitch i ain't no snitch man jimmy came in trust me i was like it was like santa i made a list i checked it twice every dude

Speaker 7 every dude that touched me and said don't worry let's pick up that check on tuesday i said coach he gotta go he gotta go he gotta go he got we got rid of all of them i said we can't win with that yeah we cannot win with that and then you know we we we still went one in 15 that following year yeah so so you know with Troy came in one in 15, then Emma came in, we went seven and nine.

Speaker 7 But even in the midst of seven and nine, I felt the beginning of what you talked about, that dynasty coming together where we walked in any stadium and we knew that we were going to win.

Speaker 7 It's not even a matter of if we were going to win. It was.
how many points you think will beat them by. You know, so, so, so I felt that.

Speaker 7 And it's funny you bring it up because as I was sitting there thinking about it the other Sunday, watching games, I said to myself, myself, watching New England.

Speaker 7 I said, I remember the moment the dynasty ended. Deion came to me and we were talking about something.
And I said to Deion,

Speaker 7 I said, buddy, it's over. I said, it's over.
We would not have that feeling where we walk in and say, how many points are we winning by now?

Speaker 7 We will go into these games now saying, okay, can we win these games? And as I watched New England the other day lose that game, that's the thing I thought about.

Speaker 7 I said, I wonder if anybody's in the locker room saying the dynasty's over yeah

Speaker 3 and and by the way so pft and i are both 35 years old so we remember like basically the first football memories are the cowboys winning super bowls and this was a feeling at the time like i remember being like oh it's not the cowboys are going to win it's just like are they going to embarrass the bills like that wasn't that was the it was almost like the like it's a foregone conclusion we're going to watch the game maybe it'll be close hopefully it'll be close like that was back when the super bowl was always a blowout but this was a feeling this wasn't like just a you know hindsight's 2020 it felt like this at the time in the super bowl right yeah do you feel bad about just destroying the buffalo bills like not letting them win one super bowl is there a small part of michael irvin where you're like man that was kind of a dickhead thing for me to do Absolutely not.

Speaker 46 Absolutely not.

Speaker 7 I'm going to tell you, the only thing I get up, the only part I get upset about is we should have had the record right now for most points in the Super Bowl. We scored 52 in that first Super Bowl.

Speaker 7 And you guys,

Speaker 7 we always believe that, hey, you know, the Super Bowl is really the NFC championship game. It was us in San Francisco, us in Green Bay at the time.

Speaker 7 But when we went in that game, we scored 52 points. You know, I scored two touchdowns in 18 seconds, two offensive touchdowns in 18 seconds.

Speaker 7 It should be at least one of my records that shall last forever. At least I will be in the books forever with two touchdowns in 18 seconds.

Speaker 7 But late in that game, Leon Litt, we get a fumble and Leon Litt is running all the way back. And if he scores this touchdown, you know, we're at 59 points.
That's a record to this day, you know.

Speaker 7 But he pulls out, he holds his hand, holds the ball out because that's what I used to do when I went across the goal line wide open. And Don BB put knocked the ball down.
I was so hot at cat.

Speaker 7 I was like, Leon, you asked me, did I feel bad about beating them 52 to 17? No, I was like, Cat, we should have had 59. It would have been a Super Bowl record.
How could you mess up?

Speaker 7 I said, I was trying to do that thing you did coming across the go i said you're a lineman there's no sweet in linemen just get the damn ball in the end zone don't try to do that stuff but but no didn't feel bad about it whatsoever what i do what i will say

Speaker 7 is i do feel bad that while i was in it i didn't see it like i see it as we talked about all the things that we did i did in the offseason i i look back now i wish that maybe if I didn't do those things, I could have squeezed more Super Bowls out.

Speaker 7 You know, I could have won more and and you don't think about it at the time because you know but but when you move past that time and look back on it you're like man i should have done more i could have done more

Speaker 15 but but but but but i i i gotta try i'm blessed we won three of them even though i think we should have won five or six this interview with michael irvin is brought to you by whether i'm hosting game day at my place or taking my talents to the tailgate boars head is my go-to for a spread that's as exciting as the game itself their platters are a hit every time They've got everything you need to keep your guests coming back for more.

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Speaker 3 And now, more Michael Irvin.

Speaker 18 You mentioned the Don Beebe chasedown on Leon Lett. We saw DK Metcalf chase down Buda Baker on Sunday night football.

Speaker 3 Incredible.

Speaker 18 Like, I coached DK. I'm one of his strength and conditioning and speed coaches.
I think I'd done my job very well.

Speaker 18 That, to me,

Speaker 18 yeah, thank you. I appreciate the comment.
That and the Buddha Baker and the Larry Allen chased down block. I think you were on that Cowboys team, right?

Speaker 18 When Larry Allen chased down the Saints linebacker, his ass is 350, 360 pounds

Speaker 18 outrunning a linebacker to the corner and just wrapping him up like he's a cornerback, essentially.

Speaker 18 What chased down block do you think, or what chased down tackle do you think is the most impressive out of all those?

Speaker 7 Both are impressive. Now, and let me break this down here.
Larry Allen at 330 and

Speaker 7 330 pounds running like that is

Speaker 7 out of this world.

Speaker 7 And Larry Allen, I thought, was was the change

Speaker 7 that he was the first one to start changing.

Speaker 7 We're playing,

Speaker 7 I had Nate Newton and DeCard, Derek Kennard. He's a big 340-pounder.
I mean, they jolly guys. You know what I mean?

Speaker 7 If they walked in the door right now,

Speaker 7 the jolliness walks in two minutes before the body does.

Speaker 7 And then when they leave, they're still jolly shaking two minutes after they leave. Larry Allen was the first guy I saw that was 340 pounds, built all solid.

Speaker 7 All solid.

Speaker 7 Like a wide receiver that's 340 pounds. We were playing basketball in the offseason one day and Larry Allen took old Larry.
I dropped the ball off the Larry. Larry took one step.
One step. 330 pounds.

Speaker 7 Went up

Speaker 7 and dunked the ball. Dude.
When he dunked, I swear, I swear to y'all, this true story. He dunked the ball.
The whole damn goal fell on him

Speaker 7 it fell down

Speaker 7 he had the rim like across on his neck he bleeding his head bleeding and i said i said he said look marvel what what you want me to do with it i took the rim off i said i got this big fella i said you just give me this you got to go over to the training over at the complex we got to get to the complex you know i said i told the gym people here is my number we'll pay for it we'll pay for it i need to get him over here you just call us and everything I mean, I was so blown away with his talent.

Speaker 7 Now you're seeing that in all a lot of linemen. Tyron Smith, all these guys look like 340 pounds.
DK Metcalf, think about it. When I played, you had the big guy to catch the ball in the intermediary.

Speaker 7 And then you had a small, fast guy to go deep. DK Metcalf is an amalgamation of all of it.
He's the big guy that is the fast guy. That's how athletics and that's how it's grown.
It's been phenomenal.

Speaker 7 Dude, PK is off the chain.

Speaker 7 Right now, best wide receiver in the NFL.

Speaker 7 We watch him because I was at the combine. You know, him and Antonio Brown, we were all talking when they were coming out at the combine, right? And these two guys come up.
They said, man, my man.

Speaker 7 Everybody's sleeping on us. They're sleeping on us.
I said, what do you mean? You know, they're sleeping on you. Man, I'm telling you, we're the best receivers in this draft class.

Speaker 7 I'm like, okay, okay. And then

Speaker 7 you saw the big guys even at the combine they were talking about well they don't transition in and out of breaks good enough they're big they're too spiffed and all of that stuff but they went to the right place that brought them along in the right way he came in kept spending time with russell wilson you know russell i interviewed him he's talking about all the things that he talked about with dk um as they worked out during covet in the offseason can you imagine being mentored by russell wilson yeah doesn't get any better than that doesn't get any better than that and russell said, the kid's only 22 years old.

Speaker 7 Russell was like, he looked like a gremlin happy. Like, he's only 22.
He just extended my career. I got some here.

Speaker 7 I'm going to be playing. I'm going to go put up me some

Speaker 7 Payton Manny type numbers. No more beast mode.
This is my moon. And that's why they are saying now, let Russ cook because

Speaker 7 he has a chef. that's working with him named DK Met.

Speaker 7 So so so great job by you, buddy, and the job that you're doing.

Speaker 13 Yeah,

Speaker 3 what's up with the you? I mean, you guys are never going to be back. Miami, like, what's going on?

Speaker 23 Well, can't you fix this?

Speaker 7 Yeah, and you know what, man, listen,

Speaker 7 I don't know if, because I say this, I'm happy to see where they are right now, but when they played against Clemson, you saw the difference. You're good.

Speaker 7 There's a difference between good and great in elite.

Speaker 7 In elite. And right now, Clemson is elite.
Miami

Speaker 7 is leaving good, getting towards a great football team. I mean, they're doing some good things right now.

Speaker 7 But getting back to what we were, I mean, the record is still intact. We had 58 straight home wins, home victories.
I would think that maybe Alabama or somebody hadn't eclipsed that by now,

Speaker 7 but no, it's still a record. So it says, it speaks to what we did at that time.
And I just think it's...

Speaker 7 It's something to try to accomplish it again.

Speaker 7 The Cowboys are going through through it, trying to accomplish it again.

Speaker 7 Once you let it go, it's hard to put it all back together, even though I think they're trending now finally in the right direction.

Speaker 3 This is pretty much the NFL network can never let you go because every time you leave someplace, it goes to shit, right?

Speaker 7 Hey, buddy. I appreciate, hey, you know what? This is good, right? I need you talking to them.

Speaker 46 I need you talking with them.

Speaker 7 I need you in my next negotiations.

Speaker 16 Just be like, look at you, look at the you.

Speaker 35 Look at the Cowboys.

Speaker 28 You really really want to do this?

Speaker 7 And when I played for Miami in the 80s, they were the team of the 80s. When I played for Miami in the 90s, they were the team.
When I played for Dallas in the 90s, they were the team of the 90s.

Speaker 7 My guy always says that Rich Del Ripo, who's the PR for the Dallas Cowboys, he said one constant in both of those. were Mike Irving.
Now, I hope the NFL network hears that

Speaker 7 in our next negotiation. You can help me with it.

Speaker 37 Yes.

Speaker 18 So, Michael, you're obviously a very competitive guy. You were talking about playing basketball with Larry Allen earlier and just like, you know, being physical all the time.

Speaker 18 Was there, what was up with your bullshit soft foul calls in the longest yard?

Speaker 37 Hmm.

Speaker 18 It's irritated a lot of us watching that movie.

Speaker 25 That's a good question.

Speaker 18 You're calling Adam Sandler, who's like 5'8 ⁇ . You're calling him for like his elbows being too sharp.

Speaker 7 and hey and you know what's so great too that movie i love the movie and they i love that they play it all the time they play that movie all the time it's always on because they send me those little 79 cent checks that they call residuals i'm like uh

Speaker 7 you know and and doing the movie was so great about it i when they first called me to do that guy my favorite movie my favorite one of my favorite movies was the longest y'all with burt reynolds the original yeah so i was like man i don't want to i don't know if we should touch this i don't know if we should touch it but but adam I thought they did a great job with it.

Speaker 7 One of the things he did, he let me do it. I told him, I said, Adam, you know, I was reading the script.
I said,

Speaker 7 this doesn't really sound like me. I said, what you have here doesn't sound like me.
He said, I tell you what, Michael, you rewrite it.

Speaker 7 He said, keep, keep, make sure if it's within a joke, like, baby back, bitch.

Speaker 7 I have to keep that in there because they were big robot baby back. You know, he played with it.
So I had to keep that part in there. But but, but he said, I'll let you read.

Speaker 7 You write what you need to write, but keeping it around the same area.

Speaker 7 He said, and if it sounds good, we'll use it. If it doesn't, make sure you know what we wrote.

Speaker 7 And then he said to me, he said, but understand this, you're not getting any writing credit if you use your own stuff. And you're not getting any more money if you use your own stuff.

Speaker 7 So he did let me, he let me write and use my own stuff. And even in that basketball scene that you're talking about, I kept saying,

Speaker 7 how hard do you want me to go? How real? He said, go hard. He said,

Speaker 7 I want to make it as real as possible. So I was like, okay, I could hit you and beat you up a little bit.
He said, yeah, beat me up. I said, the check's still going clear.
He said, I'll still clear.

Speaker 7 I said, okay, then, let's do this. And so we did have fun shooting that scene.

Speaker 3 Can we talk about some of your tweets?

Speaker 24 Because you got some good tweets.

Speaker 3 You tweet from the heart.

Speaker 14 Let's talk about this one.

Speaker 13 What was that?

Speaker 3 The one from January 2014, all caps. Man, when we played in that cold weather, we was cold.

Speaker 25 Right.

Speaker 7 Now get this. I speak for a living.
I speak for a living. I know it's we were cold.

Speaker 23 No, that's not even the funny part.

Speaker 19 It's just like

Speaker 3 you're basically implying that it was

Speaker 35 colder.

Speaker 23 It's not as cold anymore.

Speaker 35 It's like

Speaker 21 this pussy ass weather has gotten warmer, which I guess you could say.

Speaker 7 Let me tell you how this all happened. And this was my ignorance, too.
Like, right? Because

Speaker 7 I was back then.

Speaker 7 what i had just started tweeting and and messing with people right and it was doing games and and and and somebody was saying stuff and i if i i was so i was tweeting back at them literally on purpose like that because if you notice i said something else but that that one didn't didn't didn't carry over like this i i was saying like uh boy them boys show is hitting hard not show are hitting those guys show are hitting hard show is hitting hard you know because i was laughing everybody me make what if you you can't talk like this and and i was just laughing and putting more stuff out there never knowing that this is going to live forever.

Speaker 16 People, people,

Speaker 7 I was so ignorant.

Speaker 7 When was that date again?

Speaker 30 2014.

Speaker 7 That's when I first started.

Speaker 7 I didn't know that we'll be in 2020. That has more retweets than anything I've ever accomplished in my life.

Speaker 3 But is it true?

Speaker 19 Is it true?

Speaker 25 Was it cold?

Speaker 10 Were you cold back then when it was cold?

Speaker 29 It's out.

Speaker 7 If we're playing in cold weather, it's cold.

Speaker 46 That was the whole gist of it.

Speaker 16 That's the whole gist of messing with people.

Speaker 7 But

Speaker 7 it's so funny. And now, all the people that see it now,

Speaker 7 they just say, wow, what a dummy. Who writes like this? You know what I mean?

Speaker 7 They don't know the gist of it was around us having some fun with people on Twitter during the football game that we were watching. It was a cold football game.

Speaker 31 Well, I love that one.

Speaker 3 And whenever there is a cold game, it becomes appropriate. And then the other one was.

Speaker 3 And everybody reads.

Speaker 33 Yeah, every time it's a cold game.

Speaker 19 The other other one is a great just take.

Speaker 3 You said, this was more recent. You said, since I'm not a beer drinker, maybe it's just me, but I believe that Corona beer should not be running their commercials at this time.

Speaker 3 Sorry, I want to hear how Corona gets its Lyme while the Coronavirus is getting lives.

Speaker 7 Yeah, and I was serious with that, even though we joked about it. I thought,

Speaker 7 Jess, let's pull back right now. Yeah.
You know,

Speaker 7 well, and this is what caught me. I was watching

Speaker 7 some broadcasts and they were talking about how many lives coronavirus had taken. And then the next thing out of that was a commercial about coronavirus.

Speaker 7 And I understand

Speaker 7 that it had nothing to do with anything. I understand that.
I understand that one had nothing to do with the other. But as we always talk about in this business, the optics didn't look good.

Speaker 7 The optics, you know, I was going, I'm feeling something emotional here about losing people to this. And

Speaker 7 I don't know, maybe we should have just talked about it as COVID-19 and helped Corona beer out. But what coming off coronavirus just took 200 and 300,000 lives.

Speaker 7 And then I got a Corona beer commercial coming on right after that. Talking about Corona gets his line.
It was just, I just thought the optics, the optics, it wasn't good. And it was, yeah.

Speaker 7 That's why I tweeted that. That was

Speaker 18 the timing was just a little strange. I think that's what it comes down to.

Speaker 18 One of my favorite appearances that you've ever had on television was back in 2018 when you debated the great stephen a smith on first take about the dallas cowboys i think it was before a titans cowboys game maybe a monday night game and he was like doing his thing wearing his big cowboy hat i don't think i've ever seen a sweatier human being in my life than michael irvin on that set did you was that real sweat when you were yelling at stephen a smith or did you like no no splash water on your face beforehand no no no for some reason and i had him on my podcast, you know, I swear to you, I had him on the podcast and I was sitting there talking to him.

Speaker 7 It's something about him. You know, Stephen A is a great friend of mine.
We both started over at Fox Sports Net with Best Damn Sports Show.

Speaker 7 You know, we were working that show together way back in the day. And he's a great friend of mine.
So we just get into these heavy debates. We don't just do this on TV.

Speaker 7 I mean, you know, the other day, yes, Sunday, when I'm on, he's tweeting. What? Mike, what garbage are you talking about on TV right now about the Cowboys?

Speaker 7 You know, so, so even when we talk personally,

Speaker 7 we're still in those heavy debates. And when I had him on my podcast, I said, I said,

Speaker 7 that's what I said. I said, I got Steven A on again.
And as I'm sitting there talking to him, I started sweating again.

Speaker 7 For some reason, this Joker just makes me sweat.

Speaker 22 It's not like I'm nervous.

Speaker 7 I do TV five times a week. You know what I mean?

Speaker 7 But for some reason, this joker gets under my skin and makes me sweat. But I love him.
We have great fun, man.

Speaker 7 And I'll bless Torito, guys, really, to be talking about sports, talking and doing the things that we do and being able to call it a job. Like, are you joking? Yep.
Are you joking?

Speaker 7 Like, when I come home sometimes, man, and I come home and people ask, can you go do this? Can you? I was like, what do you mean? Like, I'm in New York on Mondays and Tuesdays.

Speaker 7 I'm wednesday and thursday i'm wherever the thursday night football game is friday saturday and sunday i got to be in la

Speaker 7 i'm only home on tuesday nights right and sunday nights and you guys have want me to go do this go do this go this i said i've been working all week you know what they say to me you've been working you've been watching football games and talking yeah you see what i'm saying yes so so but it is it is work and we're blessed to have no have opportunity to call it a job yeah you're right And you have a podcast which

Speaker 3 just came out, what was like a month ago, the Michael Irvin Podcast, MIP. But you're right.
Like, when we're sitting here on Sunday, we watch 12 hours of football and then talk.

Speaker 27 And I'm tired, but then I have to think and be like, wait, I'm tired, but I'm also living the dream.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Right, right, right, right. But get this now.
Get this, get this. And let me help you with tire.

Speaker 7 I get more tired at this than I did

Speaker 7 at playing and let me let me explain that which which is fun which is fascinating here think about it like if i could play a game you play a game play arizona 210 yards in that game man i remember lorenzo linked the first for in warm-ups we're playing the cardinals

Speaker 7 cardinals the cardinals the cardinals and this guy lorenzo michu Michael, I'm gonna be with you all day. You, you sucker.
I was like, oh, okay. I was, you know, I was, thanks for waking me up.

Speaker 7 Thanks for waking me up today, right? First, second play of the game, I go 87 yards. I end up with 210 yards in that day, that game.
Killed this guy, killed this guy. I go home.

Speaker 7 I should be exhausted after that day,

Speaker 7 but I can't sleep. My mind is racing.
I'm thinking about the play that I should have made, the play that got away. Forget the 210 yards, forget the three touchdowns.

Speaker 7 I should have had 300 yards and five touchdowns. And my mind races all night.

Speaker 7 That's why after a game, most guys do a lot of drinking because the mind is racing all night about what went on in the game we should have done this or could have done this we could have won we could done this

Speaker 7 you can't rest your mind is racing your body's exhausted but your mind is racing so you're having a few drinks to try to not go to sleep just pass out just pass out but in in this

Speaker 7 when you're exhausted you're exhausted here in the mind and the body when the body's exhausted the mind is still raised when the mind is exhausted, it's shut down. That's right.

Speaker 7 It's shut down. And I said, wow, that's interesting.
I mean, I get, I'm on shutdown sometimes after a long Sunday. And I never was on shutdown after a long game on Sunday.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, it's a good point. It's a good point.

Speaker 18 I respect the media guys out there that not only

Speaker 23 it's harder to watch podcasts than it is to play sports.

Speaker 28 I agree with that.

Speaker 35 Yeah, totally agree with that. Thank you for the research.

Speaker 16 That's a great point.

Speaker 18 Also, my body is exhausted at the end of the day because we eat like buffalo wings and shinies

Speaker 20 slumped over in a chair.

Speaker 35 Yeah, you messed up.

Speaker 3 It's harder to podcast than to play in the NFL.

Speaker 18 Players have great postures.

Speaker 35 We have terrible.

Speaker 16 Our bodies are just attacking themselves all Sunday.

Speaker 7 I just say

Speaker 7 I'm helping people understand how the body works.

Speaker 33 No, you said.

Speaker 31 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 I mean, I'll say that as somebody that hasn't played in the NFL since you're

Speaker 32 done, you're a Hall of Famer.

Speaker 14 You've done both, so it makes sense.

Speaker 7 Physical exhaustion. There's physical exhaustion, but mental exhaustion

Speaker 7 is more exhausting. Yes.

Speaker 7 Is how I should say that.

Speaker 25 That's how I should say that.

Speaker 18 Before we let you go, I had a little birdie tell me that you had a thing with white tea shots.

Speaker 27 Like some backgrounds.

Speaker 18 White tea shots. What's that about?

Speaker 7 Yeah, and I just learned about white teas, white tea shots, because, you know, I'm a vodka drinker. You know, I used to drink vodka, cranberry.
And

Speaker 7 every time if i'm any place what do i always get guys always i i order a drink

Speaker 7 you a big you a big black guy you drinking that little soft drink like yeah that's what i drink i'm gonna have a vodka cranberry so they always want to have shots and they always want to do tequila and i can't do that stuff man so so my boy one of my boys friend of mine he was he he was telling me about that he was telling me he said man I take green tea.

Speaker 7 And I said, what is green tea? And he was explaining to me what green tea is. He said, but there's a shot called a white tea.

Speaker 7 It's it's a green tea with vodka I was like oh okay so now I have something when you know see you out people I'm at dinner can I buy you a shot

Speaker 7 I don't want any tequila but you can get me a white tea so now a white tea has become has become my shot to drink I just I love

Speaker 7 a drink that's safe because yeah if you stay up just ripping vodka or ripping tequila two or three of those and you're gonna have a bad night white tea it's like a third of a drink for one and you still look like you're partying and i can still do some functioning the next day you know it's funny i there's a comedian i love a comedian comedian he he was talking about tequila he said you can tell how your date is going to go by what the girl orders and it's a funny comedian i don't forgot who it was he said if she orders a glass of wine

Speaker 7 You may be sitting in there talking about a family down the road somewhere. You're going to be talking about what you want to do, getting married.

Speaker 7 He said, if she orders a beer, y'all may be talking some sports. You might have some right there.
You know, if she orders tequila, you just turn around and say, Yeah, I'm in there tonight.

Speaker 7 Because tequila, anytime she orders tequila, you're in there tonight. And I think that's,

Speaker 7 I guess, in my experience, that has proven to be true.

Speaker 18 If you order as a fireball, just get ready to pay the $200 Uber surcharge for cleaning the cab out later.

Speaker 3 Tequila is the party starter.

Speaker 25 Right.

Speaker 7 Tequila is the party starter.

Speaker 21 All right.

Speaker 3 So my last question for you, Michael, this has been great. Final question brought brought to you by Cross Country Mortgage America's crazy good mortgage company.

Speaker 3 Go to ccmlends.com slash take to learn more about your future home buying experience or refinancing needs, equal housing opportunity. The current Cowboys will end where we started.

Speaker 3 So what is your read on the players basically kind of calling out the coaching staff? And is that fair or foul? Like from your perspective, do you think Mike McCarthy's in trouble?

Speaker 19 Do you think it's fair that the players are saying, hey, this system doesn't really work for us.

Speaker 3 This defense isn't working. Where do you land on that?

Speaker 7 Well, obviously, and we don't know the depth of what transpired prior to that getting out. You know, what if these guys have gone to, and I know, I do know, I know some of it.

Speaker 7 I know some of these guys have gone to coaches and tried to make these

Speaker 7 situations better by talking to them.

Speaker 7 And they got rid of some people. that were talking, that were talking about the issues that were going on on the football team.

Speaker 7 it, so, so now you get people saying, well, that's out of bounds for these guys to go to the media. Not if they've exhausted all other means.

Speaker 7 And I know Mike McCarthy has come out and said, you know, I have an open door policy.

Speaker 7 Your door can be open and you can let people come in and spit words, but did you really listen? And did you adjust anything? So having an open door policy is not enough.

Speaker 7 You got to have an open door, an open ear, and an open mind with an open heart to really make hate on those things and say, okay, listen, I'm willing to listen.

Speaker 7 And then you argue about, or we talk about people leaking into the press, like stop it.

Speaker 7 This is part of the business. This has been going on forever.
We have insiders because people get information that nobody else is supposed to have. That's why we pay them so they get information.

Speaker 7 And you guys are leaking stuff from inside. So stop talking about the process of what happened and talk about the process of how to fix what happened.
and then you'll be on the right path.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's a good point. Those are really good points.

Speaker 18 Well, what do you think they do to follow up on that real quick? Are they going to try to stick with Andy Dalton after seeing what they've seen from him?

Speaker 18 Are they going to go to Denucci, Gucci DiNucci? Are they going out?

Speaker 18 Are they going to bring somebody else in?

Speaker 7 I will be stealing that buddy.

Speaker 17 Yeah, go

Speaker 30 to Jamie Levinson. Di Nucci,

Speaker 7 I will steal that.

Speaker 7 I think

Speaker 7 they'll have to if he's safe and if clears protocol, they'll go back with Andy Dawn. I mean, that's why they brought him in.

Speaker 7 Do you not want me to say anything about that guy that keeps walking by the camera? I mean, I can pass by and not say anything.

Speaker 35 Liam was running out.

Speaker 7 We just can't keep walking by without me saying that.

Speaker 35 He's got a very small bladder.

Speaker 23 He needs to drain it every 15 seconds or he explodes.

Speaker 35 Yes.

Speaker 7 I understand.

Speaker 7 I have that small bladder too. I want to sue the NFL for that because all the people like we sue them with concussions and all of that.

Speaker 7 I told people, I said, listen, they made me take so many drug tests and I had to hold my peace so much because if I peed early and I couldn't take a drug test, it would be, you know, considered a positive that I believe I destroyed my bladder.

Speaker 46 And I'm going to sue them for that.

Speaker 23 I believe, you know, I think you'd have a, I think you have a case. You would like, you would like to pee in the middle.

Speaker 23 And you'd be like, I can't.

Speaker 18 I can't finish peeing because I know that I might have to have some for later. You would still pee?

Speaker 22 Oh, no,

Speaker 7 it doesn't affect me that way. It's just right now, you know, like I used to be able to hold it and wait and wait and wait.
And I must have done something because now, oh my God.

Speaker 7 And maybe when I got to go to the bathroom, it's look out. I'm running.

Speaker 7 Like, get out of the way, you know. Put your hands in there, you try to squeeze down on it to make sure nothing.
And then you get in there and you let all go on this and it's everywhere.

Speaker 7 It's like, so, so I think they destroyed my bladder, man, with all them tests, man. I want some compensation for that.

Speaker 25 Yes. All right.

Speaker 3 Well, we'll, we'll be your legal team for that.

Speaker 10 But, Michael, this has been awesome.

Speaker 3 We appreciate it. Everyone go listen to the MIP podcast, the Michael Irvin podcast.
Really appreciate it, man. You're a recurring guest now, so you have to come back on whenever we ask.

Speaker 3 When the Cowboys have their next implosion and everyone's laughing about them, we'll have you on to laugh in your face about it.

Speaker 7 Okay, well, I'll see you next Monday.

Speaker 46 That's what we're talking about, boy.

Speaker 35 Yes.

Speaker 23 All right. Thanks so much, man.

Speaker 30 See ya.

Speaker 7 Hey, thanks, guys. Appreciate it, guys.
Keep doing what you're doing, guys. Anytime you can have number one by your name, man, you've accomplished something.
I like to talk on my podcast. You know,

Speaker 7 I had Daryl Johnson on this time because I said

Speaker 7 I was going to bring somebody else on, but I watched the game last Sunday and I said to myself, okay, I got to bring Daryl did the game.

Speaker 7 I said, I'm bringing Daryl Johnson on, not to break down and analyze the Cowboys, but this is to do the autopsy on the Cowboys. You break down and analyze that that is alive.

Speaker 7 You do autopsy on that that is dead. And that right there seems like it is dead.

Speaker 7 But keep doing what you guys do, man, and keep telling the story so other guys like you can hear it and hopefully inspire them to do great things. Keep walking your journey, guys.

Speaker 23 I appreciate you having me. Thanks so much, Michael.

Speaker 19 Appreciate it.

Speaker 7 All right, guys. Thanks, guys.

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Speaker 3 Okay, let's finish up. We'll do a little guys on chicks.

Speaker 3 Henry, what do you got?

Speaker 5 Hey, guys, my 35-year-old boyfriend keeps buying sneakers.

Speaker 18 Is this a...

Speaker 43 No, I was kidding.

Speaker 5 Sub Hank and our darling Jake, my boyfriend watches a lot of HGH. HGTV.

Speaker 5 I used to catch him with it on sometimes and he would immediately change it, but now he just watches with no shame multiple hours of of the day. I feel like this is a little odd for guys to do.

Speaker 5 What are your thoughts? I think that means he's probably a handyman, so that's good.

Speaker 18 Yeah, I think he's trying to get more involved in things going on around the house.

Speaker 5 Like all it's going to do is he's going to, if you watch HGTV, you're going to try and do something.

Speaker 37 Yes.

Speaker 3 Or, well, you could also just watch HGTV GTV all day.

Speaker 23 Like, I've done it.

Speaker 5 If I watch HGTV, I'd be like, all right, let's fucking knock a wall down or something.

Speaker 18 Yeah, so there's a danger that he's either going to try to do something awesome for you or he's going to try to do something and really fuck up the entire house while trying to do it.

Speaker 18 So maybe ask him to like try his hand redesigning a closet before you have him do anything like in the bathroom.

Speaker 27 Or

Speaker 18 I was going to say just install a bidet. Yes.
There's some shows that are just pretty much 100%. We're going to put a bidet into this person's house so when they shit, it's better.

Speaker 3 They're great at like marathon watches.

Speaker 21 I feel like that's the best.

Speaker 22 HGTV.

Speaker 18 You just get sucked in. I always like it at the end when they do the shots of the before and after, and then it just dissolves.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 18 It swipes into the new room. To me, that's like almost as sexy as a time-lapse.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 5 My boyfriend thinks it's weird I have a list of baby names on the notes section of my phone that I've had for years and add to it whenever I think of another good name.

Speaker 5 Is this weird, and are there any guys out there that keep a list of names too?

Speaker 18 Yeah, I totally. I keep a list of names.

Speaker 5 Pretty much your guys' list of names are just like whatever athletes they like.

Speaker 18 Yeah, that's pretty much it. Athletes, and then maybe your own dad.

Speaker 18 That's as far as our creativity goes on that one.

Speaker 10 Yes, that is a little weird to have like a list just rocking around a list.

Speaker 3 It's not that it's weird, it's just probably very intimidating to be like, oh, we got this planned already.

Speaker 18 It's less weird to have that list than to have a list of every baby that you've met. I think that would be strange.

Speaker 18 No, I'm just saying that would be strange.

Speaker 5 That would make her feel better.

Speaker 26 This isn't even really like question is more of a.

Speaker 18 She had a great

Speaker 18 bow tie in her hair.

Speaker 5 Hey, PMT, my boyfriend always wants to come on my forehead and take his thumb and spread it around like Mufasa.

Speaker 35 Fake, but hilarious.

Speaker 27 Fake but hilarious.

Speaker 18 We've heard this before.

Speaker 27 Yeah, but hilarious.

Speaker 23 Who wrote that?

Speaker 27 The lion.

Speaker 23 Fake but hilarious.

Speaker 5 My boyfriend is literally the apple of my eye. I love him with my whole heart, but since this pandemic, I lost my job and he's been keeping us afloat financially.
She spelled financially wrong.

Speaker 5 Once I get another income, I obviously go to pay him back. In the meantime, how do I show him extra appreciation for everything he is doing for us?

Speaker 37 Hmm.

Speaker 18 That's sweet.

Speaker 24 That is sweet.

Speaker 18 That's really nice.

Speaker 5 Make him some pancakes.

Speaker 3 Ooh, that's a good one. Pancakes.

Speaker 18 Just, if you get up before him at all, just do like one thing every day before he gets up, and he'll think that you've been up for hours.

Speaker 23 Yeah, make him coffee.

Speaker 18 Holy shit, she's amazing.

Speaker 3 Make him coffee every morning. Like, that would be, if you just hand him a mug of coffee before he goes to work, it's like, oh my God, this is incredible.
What are you going to say, Billy?

Speaker 3 Be respectful, but what are you going to say?

Speaker 32 Suck his dick.

Speaker 33 No, laundry and like

Speaker 17 what?

Speaker 34 Like, fold it up.

Speaker 36 Vacuum, laundry,

Speaker 18 sandwiches.

Speaker 35 Dishes.

Speaker 19 Don't nag him when he's watching football. You know, chick shit.
Little play video games with his boys.

Speaker 18 Yeah, you're about to say that.

Speaker 23 I did say that.

Speaker 18 Billy, I'd like you to apologize.

Speaker 23 Billy, we should start doing Billy life advice.

Speaker 3 A key to a great marriage is letting your husband play video box with his boys.

Speaker 27 No.

Speaker 27 Make a mistake and give him a BJ once a month.

Speaker 35 Suck his dick while he's in the gula. You know, I call him actually a really open-minded person.

Speaker 32 You are.

Speaker 23 You are, actually. You are actually.

Speaker 18 Billy's actually just been reading the dialogue from the Damned Hills Area.

Speaker 20 Isn't it stupid when, like, you know, like...

Speaker 22 When chicks don't suck your dick? No, no.

Speaker 14 Shut up.

Speaker 23 When, like, watching the game with the,

Speaker 41 like, you get something, and it's like, I don't really like this. Like, maybe, like, coffee.
I don't know. Never mind.
Just

Speaker 33 what?

Speaker 41 Like, if someone put, like, made you, like, an espresso or some shit, like, and you're like, I don't like this.

Speaker 35 If you say girl this this year i don't know

Speaker 44 girls always go like coffee and stuff and then they're like oh i made you coffee like coffee you're just like girl coffee why is it why does this coffee taste good yeah you're gonna

Speaker 35 fucking girl coffee

Speaker 41 anyway

Speaker 5 anyway you two pecked women uh hey pmt boys especially titans hater big cat i'm in my mid-twenties

Speaker 5 and recently came to the realization that i am not the intellectual i grew up thinking i was i.e honor roll student because meeting guys in grad school makes me feel dumb and hopelessly blonde but i also know i'm not looking for a guy who's only interested in superficial things i am stuck somewhere in between

Speaker 5 uh so do you guys have any advice on where to find mid-20 somethings who are also in-betweeners aka dudes who aren't trying to be the smartest but also aren't loitering at the local drive-through hmm the bar i mean

Speaker 18 go to a bar yeah i'd say so i would say it's not the drive-through the guys who are driving through the local drive-through that's like one step above just hanging out next to it trade they got a little coin in their pocket trade schools that's good.

Speaker 3 Like the Pipe Fitters Union.

Speaker 18 Those guys. Those guys are hard.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they're fucking. I wish I had skills like that.

Speaker 29 Honestly, I feel like

Speaker 3 if I could redo everything, I'd just have a really sick skill.

Speaker 18 If you watch enough HGTV, it's basically the same thing.

Speaker 18 Yeah, trade school is not bad. Community colleges.

Speaker 23 Just hang out at a bar.

Speaker 5 All right, last one. PFT and Big Hat.
My boyfriend won't ever splurge for an hour.

Speaker 3 Actually, you know what? Just wear a part of my take sweatshirt. Seriously.
Like,

Speaker 3 I feel like the majority of our listeners are as average as it gets.

Speaker 23 Yeah, we don't have like men.

Speaker 5 They suck their dick.

Speaker 14 Well, what up?

Speaker 27 I mean, Billy,

Speaker 21 that's perfect trade.

Speaker 18 Self-identifier. We'll put like one Billy football sweatshirt up for sale.

Speaker 21 They'll be like, get you.

Speaker 28 Come talk to me. I'll get you a girl that can't do it.
Donate blood.

Speaker 18 And it says, let you play video games and give you bloat jobs.

Speaker 22 No, it's in the gulag.

Speaker 41 I'm a lot more than that for people out there.

Speaker 39 Yeah, he lifts as well.

Speaker 18 I'm into sports science.

Speaker 5 PFT and Bitcap. My boyfriend won't ever splurge for himself on a night out.
No matter the occasion, he always just orders some basic chicken entree. At first, I felt bad, but now it's just annoying.

Speaker 5 Our anniversary, we go out to a fancy place, I order a steak and shrimp combo, he orders the house chicken, the cheapest thing on the menu.

Speaker 5 I offer to pay to encourage him to order something more special occasion-like, but he doesn't.

Speaker 5 Most of the time, he doesn't let me pay, but even when he does, he just gets one of the cheapest things on the menu. I ask him why and express my frustration.

Speaker 5 He says things like, it's what I like, and I'm a simple guy. But clearly he would want more, wouldn't he? I mean, don't get me wrong.

Speaker 5 I know it's good to have a significant dollar without expensive taste, but it makes me feel like I can't buy expensive things. I can eat chicken at home whenever I want.

Speaker 5 When people go out, they get more glamorous things, right? Am I being crazy? What should I do?

Speaker 3 It's tough because I I have always lived my life of never be the guy who orders the most expensive thing on a menu.

Speaker 24 Like the second most expensive thing? Yes.

Speaker 3 So you just need to get him a little bit higher up there, it sounds like. He's al You're going to like a steak restaurant and he's like, hey, do you guys have chicken fingers?

Speaker 3 That sounds like what he's doing. So you got to find a happy medium, right?

Speaker 18 I think just teach him how to say chicken in French. Tell him to order poulet at a fancy restaurant.
And then it seems like he's a grown-up.

Speaker 24 Do you guys do the same thing?

Speaker 3 You ever order like the most expensive thing?

Speaker 28 I'm always like,

Speaker 35 the move is... For a work trip.

Speaker 31 Absolutely.

Speaker 23 RTO, Hank. Yeah.

Speaker 18 On vacation, then obviously he's not going to spend that much money. But if it's coming out of our pocket, then then yeah.

Speaker 27 No, I do on vacations too.

Speaker 18 No,

Speaker 18 second most expensive is the correct move.

Speaker 27 Yes.

Speaker 18 Unless, like, if it's a rare occasion where there's like some big baller next to you and he... or she is like, you have to try this.
Well, somebody says you've got to try this.

Speaker 3 You can also do it if someone else gets the most expensive thing. You can do the, I'll have what he or she is having.
That way you didn't actually order it.

Speaker 3 You just jumped on, which I actually don't like.

Speaker 23 I think that's a lame move.

Speaker 3 Pick your own food. But if it's the number one choice, the most expensive, you can do it then.

Speaker 18 Or just tell them that, like, bring your own coupon. Be like, I got a half price on that thing.
Yeah, what do you get, Billy?

Speaker 18 He's cheating.

Speaker 41 He's paying for multiple dates.

Speaker 35 Oh,

Speaker 28 he's

Speaker 28 budgeting.

Speaker 23 I like that, Billy.

Speaker 41 Hate to break it to you.

Speaker 35 Damn, I didn't even think about that.

Speaker 33 You're right.

Speaker 27 Or is your drug habit? Well, yeah.

Speaker 18 Probably drugs. Yeah.
Maybe both. He's nodding off.
He's cheating on you with his dealer.

Speaker 21 He fell asleep in his bowl of soup.

Speaker 27 All right.

Speaker 10 Numbers. In fact.

Speaker 20 18.

Speaker 41 35 kangaroos can't jump back.

Speaker 27 25.

Speaker 41 8. Neither can frogs.
8. 8.

Speaker 19 Kangaroos actually have huge claws.

Speaker 18 Dude, that video of the kangaroos.

Speaker 26 Look at that, like floating.

Speaker 31 Eight.

Speaker 34 I'm a feminist.

Speaker 18 8. Oh, 8 almost went up there.

Speaker 23 51. 61.

Speaker 32 I feel like we've gotten 61 like three times.

Speaker 3 We're never going to get this.

Speaker 3 It's crazy. How are we never going to get it?

Speaker 5 People just tweet me numbers all day now.

Speaker 26 61 has never happened.

Speaker 10 All right.

Speaker 11 Oh, nice.

Speaker 21 You got the whole thing.

Speaker 9 All right, we'll see everyone Friday.

Speaker 3 We got a great guest coming on Friday.

Speaker 29 Great guest. Old-time friend.

Speaker 18 Love you guys.

Speaker 19 Just do cheese.

Speaker 35 I don't care that

Speaker 35 it's not time I'm drinking anyway

Speaker 18 I'd like some reds, you'd like some white some rose

Speaker 18 Drink after me

Speaker 18 It's you let it get drunk now

Speaker 26 Everyone's gonna hate this.