Week 7 Preview, Tom Fornelli On B1G Return, And Our Lawyer Mike Portnoy

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Speaker 2 On today's part of my take, I hope Hank is recording this.

Speaker 2 We're getting the energy going in here.

Speaker 2 We taped an entire episode and Hank forgot to press record.

Speaker 2 So we're going to do it. We're going to do the exact same show a second time.

Speaker 2 We got Tom Fornelli, Big Ten football, good friend of the show. Thief.

Speaker 2 Of Hank's thoughts. We also have

Speaker 2 our lawyer, Mr. Portnoy.
Been a while. Oh! And Billy.
Billy, we're recording. Billy.
I know, but we're watching the game while we record. Mr.
Portnoy, back on the show.

Speaker 2 I'll be honest, the conversation made very little sense, but it was very, very funny. I was laughing very hard.
Yeah, I mean, it made sense if you know Mr. Portnoy.

Speaker 2 Right, but it also, even then, it kind of didn't make a lot of sense. We kind of were just all talking in circles, but it was a lot like the debate.
Yeah, very, very funny.

Speaker 2 So we're going to get to all that. Some picks.
Can't lose parlay. Will not lose, guaranteed.
Or your money back, but not actually, because that's not the deal. But it won't lose.

Speaker 2 Call 100 gambler if you have a problem. All right, part of my take is brought to you by

Speaker 4 when cool creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the hole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 2 At participating, McDonald's. Billy, we are recording the show.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's go.

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Speaker 2 Today is Friday, October 23rd, and the NFC East is a dumpster fire. We're actually recording this with about 10 minutes left in the game.
And

Speaker 2 Daniel Jones, the most electric 80-yard run that fell flat on his face. Was it 80 yards? It was 80.1 yards.
80.

Speaker 2 Get him a sticker to put on the back of his Honda Element. As Joe Buck said, he's gone.
He fell.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it was the perfect encapsulation of NFC East football. I actually think that he shit himself.
If you watch the replay, he's running. He makes the exact verbal meme when the Chipotle hits.

Speaker 2 Have we been doing that one recently? Well, you know what it was?

Speaker 2 It was like anyone who, and Daniel Jones is obviously not out of shape, but for all my of shape guys out there and I include myself it's when you get on a treadmill and you run really hard and then you're like this sucks I need to get off and so he basically was trying to get off the treadmill around yard 75 and then just fell flat on his face like if he could have just grabbed the sidebars he would have done that instead of falling on his face I think it was even a little bit before that I think he was like he was good for about 50 yards and he gradually started to tilt forward like a drunk person that's been at a bar for like yeah for a solid like nine hours and you know that they're going to go over like the band's playing he's the only person still dancing yep they're doing like some deep-cut Bruno Mars track that only the drummer knows and uh yeah he just he ate it face forward Billy brought up an interesting stat

Speaker 5 do you want to go off Daniel Jones has run the fastest out of any quarterback since the 2018 season he ran 21.23 miles per hour which is faster than any of Lamar Jackson's runs crazy he should be a wide receiver why did Bill Pollion tell him to to work out as a wideout?

Speaker 2 That's insane. I think he's

Speaker 5 a rushing quarterback that's been trapped in the pocket.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, he's a mild cat offense.

Speaker 2 This game sucks, and I think the Eagles are going to lose.

Speaker 2 They're almost definitely going to lose. And now the Giants are in first place.
No,

Speaker 2 they're tied in first place, tied for first place with the Cowboys.

Speaker 2 It's just perfect that the Giants would win this game when all you're saying is like, oh, the Eagles look like they will probably run away with the NFC East.

Speaker 2 And when I say run away, I mean like they'll get six wins and everyone else will have four.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm just waiting for the doomsday scenarios at the end of the year because it is possible that we're going to have a 6-10 division winner.

Speaker 2 I mean, the Eagles will have a chance to earn back a tie in week 17 because I think they end the season against each other. So that might be a little revenge time for them.

Speaker 2 But yeah, I think 6-10 gets you in in the NFC East. So really, it's actually an entire division of pretenders that are also contenders in a way.
It is very funny, too.

Speaker 2 I guarantee you, here's my stamp. The NFC East, I think, is going to win a playoff game this year.

Speaker 2 There's going to be some shitty team that fucks it all up, stumbles into the playoffs like Daniel Jones on the 11-yard line, and

Speaker 2 they're going to win by like one score, maybe like three points in that early Saturday time slot that traditionally goes to the game.

Speaker 2 Wait, but it wouldn't be a team that stumbles in because it would be the NFC East is going to be the fourth seed. So it would be the fifth seed.
They'd play the fifth seed. Right.
No, no.

Speaker 2 So I'm saying the NFC East is going to stumble in. Oh, they're going to limp in.
Got it. Maybe.
Well, yeah, no, they're going to.

Speaker 2 Now, this is like maybe a higher level Zen question. Can you limp if you never.

Speaker 2 Like, they've started limping. They were limited.
Is it a limp if that's how they've been walking the whole season? They were limping from birth. Right, so it's not even a limp.
Yeah, disability.

Speaker 2 It'll be a good idea. Yeah, it's just a same subdivision.
Yes. Maybe it's just a cramp, like Tony Roy.
A limp would imply they at one point were walking like or running without one. Stably.

Speaker 2 Right, right. So does Oscar Pistorius limp Hank's hero? I don't know.
Hates to say. Hank does love him.
But

Speaker 2 embrace debate. Do you think that Dak Prescott could have finished that runoff just hopping?

Speaker 2 Probably not. Probably not.
But I do think he could throw from the pocket and be better than Andy Dalton. That's probably true.

Speaker 6 Yes, yes. Can we pencil in the NFC East representative of the playoffs as the Nickelodeon game?

Speaker 2 Remember the

Speaker 2 Nickelodeon. That's true.
Is it really? Yeah. It is.
The loser gets slimed. Wait, so they're the fifth seed.
Wait, are they. No, they're the fourth seed.
Maybe the fifth seed would be tied.

Speaker 2 I can't understand this. Because the fifth seed is traveling to NFC right now.

Speaker 2 It's so funny because I saw, like, if the playoffs started today and just seeing the Cowboys as the fourth seed is a hilarious, hilarious sight. It is.
And now the Giants will be tied.

Speaker 2 And Giants fans are definitely going to sell themselves on being like.

Speaker 2 We're going to get in. We could get in.
Maybe even bring Eli back and then get three lie going. Yeah, I mean, say what you want about Eli.
He would never have seven yards of separation.

Speaker 2 Eli Manning, if he were on that run, he would probably just slide clumsily at the 49.

Speaker 2 49. Yeah.
Where was like the 19? He would slid before the line of scripture. Eli can run 40 yards if he has to.
Not with other athletes on the field.

Speaker 2 He needs to be able to chase after as many children on the beach.

Speaker 2 Does the defense start in the locker room?

Speaker 2 The defense starts. Danny might be able to get there.
They start underneath the goalpost. These are just mean.

Speaker 2 I mean, Eli retired, so we don't need to take shots at Eli. And you know what? His nephew is going to be a stud.
All right. So we got a great football weekend ready to go.

Speaker 2 Like I said, we have Tom Fernelli to talk Big Ten Ten football. We got Mr.
Portnoy, our lawyer, to talk God knows what.

Speaker 2 We had the World Series. Clayton Kershaw, by the way, clutch.

Speaker 2 1-1. Are you into the World Series? Before we get to the NFL weekend and the football preview, are you into the World Series? I'll put it this way, Big Cat.

Speaker 2 I watched The Bachelorette for the first time. True, how was the night?

Speaker 2 It was wonderful. I'm getting into it.
I know

Speaker 2 what people are talking about when they say that it is a terrible show, but still a very interesting show. I'm not going to go off in a diatribe about the Bachelorette here.

Speaker 2 Hank will do that for you next week. But

Speaker 2 I have watched every World Series game, but it's been on mute the whole time. Yeah.
The best part was the guy who caught that

Speaker 2 line drive that went into the outfield last night wearing a shirt that said nice swing, bitch. Yeah, well, no, so that guy was great.

Speaker 2 And then the guy who threw his glove back in there on the field, who had the like Puka Shell necklace and

Speaker 2 Air Pastel shirt and cargo pants and maybe a little bit of a mullet. Yeah.
And he just had a vibe of like a dude that we would want to just huff paint with. The king of Tampa.
Yeah, right, exactly.

Speaker 2 So he was awesome. It is nice to have a few fan shots.
Like, I miss that. I miss the weirdo fans.

Speaker 2 So it's really what we should do is like, I think America would be fine with having 5,000 fans, 10,000 fans in every sporting event. Just make them the weirdest fans.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like you have to enter a competition to be able to get in. Like the dude that tossed the coffee can of his dad's ashes at the Lynx should be at this Thursday night game.

Speaker 2 He's still actress looking and his dad.

Speaker 2 His dad made that tackle. Yeah.
A dead guy

Speaker 2 who has been lying on the field in ashes for what, five years? Yep. Brought down Daniel Jones.
It's a fact.

Speaker 5 Was that the ghost Sam Darnold saw?

Speaker 2 Oh. Different stadium.
Different stadium, but no. Yeah, it might travel.
And different team. Was it the cat? Also a different stadium.

Speaker 2 Oh, we got some. Who the heck is this family? They just showed a family in a suite doing some kind of dance.
That's got to be Mara. The Giants are going to win.
The Giants are going to win.

Speaker 2 The Giants are going to win.

Speaker 2 Incredible that the Eagles, like, Philadelphia's got to be pretty pissed because that's a winnable game. Carson Wentz, I've said it before, but that guy.
That game is not over, by the way.

Speaker 2 That guy just doesn't.

Speaker 2 He just spit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 He just spins the wrong direction constantly. He loves spinning, loves falling forward.
And I know his offensive line sucks, but he also, and it's a chicken and the egg thing.

Speaker 2 Like, is he bailing because his offensive line sucks? Or does his offensive line really suck because he constantly bails on him and makes everything look way worse than it is? Right.

Speaker 2 A little bit of both, I'd say. Probably a little bit of both.
He definitely is not the most graceful person when he's moving around back there.

Speaker 2 I think Russell Wilson spins the wrong way a lot, but he does it on purpose. And he does it fast.
He does it really fast.

Speaker 2 Carson Wentz is like Russell Wilson, like if you play the wrong record at the wrong speed.

Speaker 2 No, he's Russell Wilson. It's a turning radius.
He is like a Chevy Suburban, and Russell Wilson is like a sleek sports car. No, I like a Chevy Suburban.
But it doesn't have a turning radius.

Speaker 2 That's my point. It's a slower turn where it's like, oh, maybe I have to do a three-point turn here.
Yeah, the bottom line is it was a questionable call in the first place to throw on fourth down.

Speaker 2 I kind of liked it because why not? It preserved the chance of there being a tie when the Eagles were down by four points on the seven-yard line.

Speaker 2 On the other hand, it was a goal line fade, which is always a questionable choice when you don't have a quarterback or a wide receiver on your roster. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the Eagles' roster is a dumpster fire through and through.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 let's do this. So the NFC East,

Speaker 2 what a game. Thank you so much.
That was great to watch on Thursday night football.

Speaker 2 I like how we also tricked ourselves being like,

Speaker 2 two bad teams might be a good game.

Speaker 2 Might

Speaker 2 break out. It happens every now and again.

Speaker 2 We also get this, where it's like, okay, it's punts and fumbles and Carson Wentz throwing across his body across the field. But it was kind of a fun, bad game, which I'm okay with.

Speaker 2 I think if you took away Daniel Jones' run, it becomes a terrible game. He saved it.
Daniel Jones falling on his face saved it. Thank you, Amy.

Speaker 2 And also the cartoon that they had of Carson Wentz, where he looked like that ESPN simulation of what if Michael Vick were white. Yes.
That was a good look.

Speaker 2 How did they go about deciding who gets the cartoons? I don't know. Fox has been on a...

Speaker 2 I think that what happened was they just hired a guy to do all the cartoons before the season started without checking his work.

Speaker 2 And he did all the work. So it's like, well, we have to use it.
We can't. We already paid for it.

Speaker 2 In this economy? Might as well use it.

Speaker 2 We're not in a position to throw anything away. Right.
We're going to pay it down. Yeah, Troy and Joe will complain about it being a waste of taxpayer money.
Right. But

Speaker 2 the Michael Vick Carson Wentz thing was good. They don't have.
I noticed that Jushik had a touchdown a couple weeks ago. They didn't have one ready to go of Jushuk.
No,

Speaker 2 I think he's kind of limited to wide receivers and quarterbacks. Quarterbacks, maybe some running backs.

Speaker 2 They should just have like three different guys that they cycle in and out, like an old school Nintendo video game. Yeah.
Which here's generic black man. Yeah.
And he scores a touchdown.

Speaker 2 Video game character form. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. So let's do a weekend preview.
We'll go through every game real quick.

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Speaker 2 Let's start. We have, well, we had a game moved, so we're going to switch a roux, but we'll get to that.
But I would say I'm going to rate this slate as actually,

Speaker 2 it's like a B-plus. 3.5 balls.
Yeah, it's actually a pretty good slate. There's some good games in both time slots that I'm looking forward to.
But let's start with the Bills and the Jets. Who cares?

Speaker 2 The Bills are going to kill them. That right game.
That's a fact. Oh, Hank is.
Oh, no, Hank. What? Oh, no, Hank.
What just happened? Oh, no, Hank. Is Hank taking...

Speaker 2 Are you sprinkling Hank's money line? Oh, no, Hank. You do hate Josh Allen.
That's not true. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 7 You're saying that it's not that much. Absolutely not.
I never said that. I like Josh Allen a lot.
The Bills are division rivals, but the Jets have to win sometime.

Speaker 2 Yes, and the Bills have not looked good the last two weeks. Against pretty good teams.
I'll give you this, Hank. 12.5 is a lot.
At some point.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying the Jets are going to win, but 12.5 is a lot, and the Jets might win.

Speaker 7 So

Speaker 2 I'm also going to be betting on the Jets. I do not have any intention of betting on the Jets' money line, but I agree with Hank that at some point the Jets are going to make me look like an idiot.
No.

Speaker 2 And I'd rather make myself look dumb than have the Jets beat me. No.
What are you going to say, Billy? Go ahead.

Speaker 5 A couple years ago, a football team got blown out in New Jersey. It was a high school team, and the kids came back and they hazed the shit out of their freshmen.

Speaker 5 That's kind of what this Buffalo Bills Jets game is going to be like.

Speaker 2 They're just going to beat the shit out of that football. It was you? Who were you?

Speaker 2 No, it wasn't us. It was in New Jersey.
It was like a whole story. They got blown out in the game.

Speaker 5 They went back to the locker rooms and just hazed the shit out of their freshmen because they were so pissed off they lost.

Speaker 5 That's going to be what the Bills are going to do to the Jets because they lost the last two games. They're going to beat the shit out of the Jets.

Speaker 2 Billy drawing on his wealthy

Speaker 2 life experiences.

Speaker 2 That's not my high school. But what does that have to do with...
So the Jets are going to lose so bad that they haze people?

Speaker 5 No, the Bills lost, so now they're pissed.

Speaker 2 Oh, so they're going to haze the Jets. Okay, you could have just said, like, they need to piss.
That's right. Because they've lost a couple bad games.

Speaker 2 You don't have to talk about a seventh grader sticking a pine cone up his teammate's butt. That's.
Nope. nope.
It wasn't that it was up his p-hole broom handle. Okay, next up

Speaker 2 Panthers, Saints. I think Drew Brees is going to look good this game because I don't think the Saints get a lot of pressure.
Oh, Carson Wentz going deep. Got it.
Oh, Hank.

Speaker 2 Watch out for the 11-yard line. The 11-yard line got him.

Speaker 2 Hank was not wrong. This game is not over.

Speaker 2 I think the...

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think the...

Speaker 2 I would take the Panthers plus 7.5, but I feel like this is a Drew Brees isn't washed up game.

Speaker 2 Interesting.

Speaker 2 I can't get a handle on the Panthers. I keep thinking that they're good, and then they come out looking dookie.
What about Christian? No, they're in the eh. They're a total eh.

Speaker 2 Is Christian McCaffrey playing? I don't think so. Is it time to ask the question, are they better without Christian McCaffrey? We've asked that.
And the answer is yes.

Speaker 2 I think the answer is a resounding yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 Let Teddy Cook.

Speaker 2 Browns, Bengals. I think the Browns are going to smoke the Bengals because I think they're just going to run the ball.
They might run the ball. They might run Armies offense.

Speaker 2 So speaking of doing something to prepare yourself for the entire season on TV and having to use it at some point, ESPN had a full slate of graphics of is it time for the Browns to move on from Baker Mayfield?

Speaker 2 Is it time for the Browns to move on from Odell Beckham that were just sitting collecting dust in the filing cabinet?

Speaker 2 And after they lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers, which they do every year, as is tradition, they decided they were going to break all those out this week. I love it.

Speaker 2 I think they're the only people having the conversation of like,

Speaker 2 is Baker Mayfield too bad to be a Browns quarterback? I don't think anyone's ever, ever asked that, judging from like the first time he sat on the field wearing that uniform.

Speaker 2 Right, he's doing pretty well. If you look at the history

Speaker 2 of Browns. On a curve, he's doing great.
Right. But I do think this is a

Speaker 2 get-right game for the Browns in that, like, the last time these two teams played, the Browns were able to run the ball. I think they had, like, 250 yards.
So I would imagine it's going to be.

Speaker 2 I mean, maybe I'm way off, but I just, I feel like they can do this is if you, if Baker Mayfield doesn't have to throw more than 20 times, especially with his ribs being hurt,

Speaker 2 I think the Browns are going to have some success. Agreed.

Speaker 2 The Dallas Cowboys at the Washington football team, the other NFC East game, we should actually start doing the NFC East should start being the new matching, and we should do doubleheaders NFC East Thursday nights.

Speaker 2 Or Tuesday nights. They should just play each other.
Yeah, move them to Tuesday nights.

Speaker 2 They don't get to play anyone else. No, I agree with that 100%.

Speaker 2 I want you to put a little bit more respect on the Washington football team's name this week. They're the only team that is entirely registered to vote.
Oh, wow. So shout out.

Speaker 2 That was a big thing that Jason Wright brought up today. So we're winning off the field again in Washington, D.C.
Wow.

Speaker 2 I think they're going to win this game, by the way. I will never look at a line that has Washington and Dallas as a pick'em and feel confident at all betting on Washington.

Speaker 2 I think they're going to win this game. I really do.
I think the Cowboys are that bad. And again, the Cowboys...

Speaker 2 It's never a good sign when the Cowboys players say, we wanted to keep this all in-house, but our coaches suck and they put us in a terrible position and we hate them.

Speaker 2 But we wanted to keep it in-house. Quick update on Dwayne Haskins' butt.

Speaker 2 I think he still has diarrhea because Rivera was saying that he just coaches based on his gut feeling and what he thinks his other players' gut feelings are at any given time.

Speaker 2 I was reading between the lines on that one a little bit. But he still has diarrhea.
He's not going to be playing, I don't think. Oh, and one other thing.

Speaker 2 They're keeping the name going into next year. Oh, really? It's still going to be the football, which I like.
I actually think it's okay. It's not bad.
And

Speaker 2 they should develop an identity before they give themselves a name. You don't want to like name a kid when it's still in the wound.

Speaker 2 You want to meet the kid first and then be like, oh, yeah, you totally feel like you know, you're a chaz, you've got a mohawk, you look awesome, right? That's not how it goes at all. Um, so

Speaker 2 the I like it just because every time someone types out WFT, I always read it as or yeah, WTF, yeah, and it just kind of perfect. It is nice, yeah.
You know, I, my, your brain just reads it that way.

Speaker 2 Uh, all right, Falcons Falcons are hosting the Detroit Lions.

Speaker 2 We could do this every single week, but this is

Speaker 2 like what famous game did the Lions play against the Falcons that the Lions got fucked over with?

Speaker 2 Remember the Golden Tate catch at the goal line that was totally a touchdown that they called, for some reason, not a touchdown? Right.

Speaker 2 That's usually weekly could be like, oh, yeah, remember when the Lions played this team last time, they got fucked over by the refs. This is my, are we sure though, the Falcons game of the week?

Speaker 2 So I think that the Lions are actually in danger of inheriting the Falcons torch that they've been carrying around.

Speaker 2 Dan Quinn is like a scout team, Matt Patricia, so they've been like preparing to deal with this guy for the last four years. But I think that if Detroit beats the Falcons, do they become the Falcons?

Speaker 2 Are they the new Falcons?

Speaker 2 With a good offense that manages to blow it? I think the Falcons. I'm a little hot take here.
Actually,

Speaker 2 let me look up at the Lions,

Speaker 2 who they got coming up. I think the Lions are poised to go on a teeny little bit of a run here.
I think the Lions are going to go on a little, tiny little, like a baby little run. What does that mean?

Speaker 2 Two, three games? Falcons at Falcons. Did they blow a 10-point lead? Home against the Colts, at the Vikings.
They're going to go on a two-quarter run.

Speaker 2 Home against the Washington football team, at the Panthers, home against the Texans. I'm calling it right now.
Lions are about to go on a teeny little bit of itty-bitty little baby run.

Speaker 2 Little baby run. So let me see.
One, two, three, four, five, six.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say the Lions are going to be

Speaker 2 six and five.

Speaker 2 They're going to be one and two. Are the Lions going to be in the hunt on Thanksgiving? I think they're going to go.

Speaker 2 That'll be so nice to watch. But there's something charming about, you know, it's Thanksgiving Day.
You're maybe helping to make some of the appetizers.

Speaker 2 You have your first glass of wine at 11.30, and the Falcons are beating the Lions by like 30 points. Like having the Lions be losing early on Thanksgiving is a tradition unlike any other.
Yeah, I did.

Speaker 2 They're playing the Texans on Thanksgiving Day. Yeah, I think they're going to be 5-5 going into the Texans game.
That'll be fun.

Speaker 2 I think they're going to be 5-5, so that means they just have to go 3-2 in their next five.

Speaker 2 Teeny, teeny little baby run. It's going to be the cutest little run you've ever seen.
A little bit of a windpiece.

Speaker 2 And everyone's going to, you're going to get at least one headline: like, watch out for the Lions. Is Calvin Johnson going to come out of retirement?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and then right when that happens, they will suffer just a tragic, tragic loss. Yes.

Speaker 2 Packers at Texans.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to take the over in this game. I don't know.
Is this a get-right game for Aaron Rodgers? Is Aaron Rodgers pissed off enough now?

Speaker 2 Little baby humps. I could see J.J.
Watt doing something to piss Aaron Rodgers off this week, breaking out one of his patented little dig lines, like the Red Rifle BB gun that he had for Andy Dalton.

Speaker 2 Maybe he does a sack dance where he

Speaker 2 does even with less depth. He humps one time.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's definitely going to do the discount double check if he sacks Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 2 that's that to JJ Watt is the height of comedy.

Speaker 2 I do think the Packers are going to win this game pretty easily because I think they're just going to run the ball and because the Texans can't stop the run.

Speaker 2 They were just getting gashed against Derrick Henry, and obviously it's Derrick Henry, but they've been gashed all season long.

Speaker 2 And then Aaron Rodgers, you know, like when Aaron Rodgers, the few times a year where the Packers actually have a run game, and then Aaron Rodgers looks like...

Speaker 2 actually unstoppable because usually and i'm gonna trigger warning i'm actually gonna compliment aaron rodgers here.

Speaker 2 Usually, like in the Aaron Rodgers era, it has never been like the complete offense. He's had to do a lot.

Speaker 2 So when he gets help from anyone else,

Speaker 2 he then just, like, he'll have like a stat line where it's like 19 for 21.

Speaker 2 Yeah, 250 yards.

Speaker 2 There's something to that, but there's also something saying that, like, when Aaron Rodgers has a running game that's helping him out, and the running game gets a lot of the shine, then Aaron Rodgers gets into mop mode.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He gets into Debbie Downer mode.
Yeah, like, oh, I should be the one. Yeah, Yeah, he comes out a little flat the next game.
His helmet's a little bit bigger.

Speaker 2 His mustache is a little bit more ironic.

Speaker 2 Jean Jacket. Yeah, he's got his bad game.
Cowboy hat. Yeah, I agree.
All right. The biggest game to start the Sunday.
Steelers and Titans. This will be the contender game.

Speaker 2 Whoever wins this game is officially a contender. I have been doubting the Titans.
I do think there's something that just sniffs about them. But if they win this game, they will earn my respect fully.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
I think that the Steelers are still pissed off about not being able to play the Titans a couple weeks ago. They're going to carry that.
That's right.

Speaker 2 This is the Big Ben revenge game where he had to take a bye week without planning it, and that was the real tragedy. When he didn't want to, yeah.
So, I mean, Pittsburgh does,

Speaker 2 they're such a funny town because they do get pissed off about stuff like that. Right.
We're supposed to play football. Yins are supposed to play us.
The Jagoffs weren't around. We were on the field.

Speaker 2 We were here. Right.
We'll play in Uzbekistan. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I like the Steelers, though. Chargers, Jaguars, who cares?

Speaker 2 This might be a frisky Marone game. I don't know.
I think the Chargers are

Speaker 2 too good defensively to let those frisky games happen. Chargers are overdue for just a devastating injury.

Speaker 2 Wow, why would you say that?

Speaker 2 Because they always have one about this time of year. That's brutal.
Hank, why are you scratching your face?

Speaker 2 That's right. They did.
Yeah, they lost Derwin pretty early this year.

Speaker 6 Color Coach Doug supported.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just looked over over and Hank was scratching his face with the microphone. What was that?

Speaker 7 Nothing. I was just...

Speaker 2 Like a bear on a tree. Yes, itching.
Pretty much. Pretty much.
You worry about yourself. I mean, I am, but it's distracting when I looked over and you're like.

Speaker 2 I had a 3C thought last night. Okay.

Speaker 2 So the Chargers and the Rams have been. Hank's actually dead behind the eyes? They've been sharing a stadium for just, what, a year now? Yes.
About a calendar year. Wait, who?

Speaker 2 The Chargers and the Rams. When did they move in? When did they officially move in? About a month and a half.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 It was a 3G thought. All right, so

Speaker 2 we've got about another year and a half. Remember, they played in the soccer state? Yeah, they were in the soccer stadium.
I didn't know when they started using the new stadium as like the.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're saying not like playing games. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know when the facility. I would imagine probably sometime this summer.
Yeah, probably. So we're about a year and a half away.
They're going to be common law married. Yeah.

Speaker 2 As far as the state of California goes. True.
True. Love is love.
It truly was a 3G thought.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you prefaced it. If you had not said the 3G thing, I would have been like, what are you doing, dude? No, just, you're good.

Speaker 2 I was high as you. You're good.
You're good. Hank.

Speaker 2 Patriots, 49ers.

Speaker 2 This seems too easy.

Speaker 2 Hank, is this? Are you nervous that it seems too easy? Jimmy Garoppolo revenge game or Bill Belichick revenge game?

Speaker 7 I think it's Bill Belichick Shut the Haters Up revenge game. Oh, to the haters.
To the haters who's coronavirus.

Speaker 7 I mean, there's still people saying that the Patriots made a mistake trading Jimmy Garoppolo, even though they won two Super Bowls after that, which is crazy.

Speaker 2 Who?

Speaker 7 Boston media. That's crazy.
The take has been had this week. I've seen it.

Speaker 2 Wait, with no offense to Jimmy G, he hasn't lit the world on fire. Right.
Okay. But they're saying that the current quarterbacks, they would rather have Jimmy G

Speaker 2 than Cam Newton right now. Yes.

Speaker 2 These last five games have been hell on earth for the Patriots. It all could have been spared just by keeping Jimmy G around and not winning two Super Bowls.

Speaker 7 I don't think this is a too easy game based off the Patriots. I mean, they lost to the Broncos last week, even though the Broncos are always, you know, a wonky team for the Patriots.

Speaker 7 So I don't think this is going to be like a too easy, you know, blow them out, Patriots can smoke him. I think it will be a grinded-out win.

Speaker 2 Don't you think, though, that Kyle Shanahan is like

Speaker 7 the under, but 43.5 is pretty low.

Speaker 2 He still has that thought in the back of his head: losing to Bill Belichick in the Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 You don't think that he's going to just take that into account and be super aggressive, throw the ball around a bunch?

Speaker 2 No. Okay.

Speaker 2 He could be, but. Yeah, it's a Kyle Shanhan, Jimmy Garoppolo revenge game.
Double.

Speaker 2 And that was a drop passed by Ingram. And this game is not over.
And Belichick has been doing the thing

Speaker 2 where he just is gassing up Kittle all week, calling him the best player in the NFL.

Speaker 2 That's the one time, though, that it actually is true. Yeah.
Belichick does like to do that with a long snapper. Yeah, or

Speaker 2 he'll be going up against Andy Dalton and be like, Andy Dalton does a lot of things very well.

Speaker 2 He has an intact fibula, which I love about the guy. Two of them, as a matter of fact.
He can tie his shoes.

Speaker 2 He is potty trained.

Speaker 2 His hair isn't as red as it used to be. Yeah, good job, Andy Dalton.
All right, Chiefs, Broncos, to finish the afternoon slate. Like we said, there was...

Speaker 2 Oh, no,

Speaker 2 we actually have four games the afternoon. So Chiefs, Broncos.

Speaker 2 Chiefs are going to kill them.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 it's going to be Andy Reid in the snow.

Speaker 2 it going to snow? So, we're all winners. Yeah, I think it's going to snow in Denver.
We might have a snow game in Minnesota, Michigan on Saturday night. Ooh, I need to night snow.

Speaker 2 I need to know what technology Andy has in store for his visor in the snow. If he's going to have any de-icing

Speaker 2 spray that he puts on there, if he's just going to take it off and blow on it and wipe it with his t-shirt, I don't know. Andy Reid in the snow is a sight, though.

Speaker 2 It's a real treat for everybody out there. So cherish these moments while you have them.
It's also, I think, maybe the second time Blake Bortles has seen snow.

Speaker 2 So we can circle that on the calendar. That's true.
And this is also a Blake Bortles

Speaker 2 practice team scout quarterback where he's been simulating Patrick Mahomes all week. Yeah.
So they'll be ready

Speaker 2 for any sort of no-look pass, intentionally or unintentionally

Speaker 2 that Patrick Mahomes throws.

Speaker 2 Deshaun Jackson, I think, just got hurt again. So that sucks.
Is his hamstring? Yep. That sucks.
That was fun for three. And, yeah, he ended with a half a yard short.

Speaker 2 Oh, you seem a little happy about that, Hank.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 That was a

Speaker 2 smile? Smirk? What are you going to say, Billy?

Speaker 5 I feel like the Giants told them to hit him twice because of years ago when Deshaun Jackson had that fourth quarter punt return against the Giants. What was his name?

Speaker 5 Deshaun Jackson.

Speaker 2 What was the start of it?

Speaker 5 Deshaun Jackson. There you go.

Speaker 2 He got it. Deshaun Jackson.
Like Dayshawn.

Speaker 2 That was an all-time punt return. Yeah.
So. The Deshaun Jackson game.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
So

Speaker 7 he pulled the Meadowlands and then then the Giants hazed their players after that game.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You think Joe Judge was like, hey, guys, remember that time none of us had anything to do with the Giants organization? Let's get Deshaun Jackson for that.

Speaker 2 That was the real miracle in the Meadowlands: that comeback win where Billy's high school team just devastated them. Just

Speaker 2 made everyone do an

Speaker 2 elephant.

Speaker 5 I went undefeated my senior season.

Speaker 2 In hazing? Wow. Yeah.
I bet you were probably

Speaker 2 going to work. There's no way that's true.
You're probably a five-star. I didn't lose a game my senior season.

Speaker 2 Team Sport. Oh,

Speaker 2 Yeah, Jake.

Speaker 2 You easily

Speaker 2 have a comeback. You have a comeback.
Get it. Find it.
Give yourself a second.

Speaker 5 Tennis isn't a team sport.

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, it's close enough. You sniffed around it.

Speaker 2 You should have just been like, what do you know about team sports, nerd? Yeah. Right.
You overthought it. You overthought it.

Speaker 2 I described it too much. That's a dork move.
Yeah. That's our day.
And that was. Fuck.
That was our

Speaker 2 Salisbury and Clayton.

Speaker 2 We still got to get you guys to debate some shit.

Speaker 2 All right. Last game in the afternoon.
Bucks Raiders.

Speaker 2 What did you just say? China.

Speaker 2 China.

Speaker 2 Bucks Raiders.

Speaker 2 Bucks Raiders got moved up because there might be some COVID.

Speaker 2 I love the Raiders in this game, by the way. I love them at night.
I don't know if I love them in the afternoon. I know that's so stupid, but it's just how I feel.

Speaker 2 I was very much looking forward to seeing that stadium at night. Yeah.
Wearing its evening wear, it's gown. You know how I feel about the Raiders stadium about a Legionnaire.
Shout out to Legionnaire.

Speaker 2 Miss you, babe.

Speaker 2 But yeah, Tampa, I don't know. I like Tampa in this game.
I'm going to Zigwell Uzag on it. I think that Tampa is starting to come into their own.
Well, no, I don't like them anymore.

Speaker 2 I liked the Raiders at night. Okay, gotcha.
Because I liked it. I liked the Sunday night Bucs just coming off a huge win.
Everyone in America bets on the Bucs. It's too easy.
Uh-huh. Take the Raiders.

Speaker 2 Now that it's tucked away at four o'clock, I just feel differently about this. I agree because you can't fade it if it's at night.
Yes. It doesn't have the same amount of attention on it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think Bruce Arians is starting to figure out how to use Tom Brady, which is basically just don't throw any more outs.

Speaker 2 Take that out of the entire place. Yes, yes.
And then, I mean, I love that the Seahawks were flexed tonight because that just means that it's going to be a crazy, weird game.

Speaker 2 Seahawks, Cardinals, at night.

Speaker 2 I don't know what to think.

Speaker 2 I'm leaning Arizona on this one. Well, three and a half.
You just think like

Speaker 2 the Seahawks can't play a game that's not come down to the last possession. I also think that just mentioning the name Antonio Brown is going to destroy the Seahawks locker room.

Speaker 2 There's definitely been a conversation. That's such a weird move for them, I think, because they've got some good receivers.
Antonio Brown, like everywhere that he goes, strangeness follows him.

Speaker 2 The Seahawks are weird enough without him. You can't double down on that weirdness.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Something's going to happen. If I could make like a Colin Coward type analogy,

Speaker 2 Morgan Freeman and Antonio Brown is the weird earring that he puts puts in. Yep.
It just mucks everything up a little bit.

Speaker 2 Doesn't Morgan Freeman have some weird shit too? I think some of that was made up. Oh, that sucks.
Some of it was true. Well, that sucks if it was made up.

Speaker 2 Also, sucks if it was true. Also, sucks a little bit more if it was true.
Yes, both things suck.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 That is. What do you think is in Cliff Kingsbury's skull?

Speaker 2 Oh, here we go. Eagles are rushing going down the field.
I think in Cliff Kingsbury's skull is like a white countertop with nothing on it except fake fruit. White?

Speaker 2 Like a really long, like a white granite countertop that goes on forever. I think a marble countertop.
Yeah. Pristine.
White marble. Maybe a really tightly rolled $100 bill, and that's it.
Yes.

Speaker 2 That's fine. And the fake fruit.
Either that or just cum. Yeah.
Just a bunch of cum.

Speaker 2 Okay. That's a little different than what the.
Yeah, well, one or the other. Choose your own adventure.

Speaker 5 Okay. We're recording this on International Nut Day.

Speaker 2 Is that true? Yeah, it's Nut Day. Did you get it? Yep.

Speaker 2 And Petino made his grand entrance at Iona, right? No, we don't.

Speaker 2 No, I'm just saying

Speaker 2 on the record, I did not make that joke. It's just a fact.
IFT did.

Speaker 2 Has nothing to do with my stalker.

Speaker 2 All right,

Speaker 2 let's do our fantasy fuck boys, and then we'll get to Big Ten Preview with Tom Fernelli, and then our lawyer, Mr. Portnoy, back on the show.
Thank God. Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 2 Ayo. Ayo!

Speaker 2 This fucking woman.

Speaker 2 It's Audi Aromino. You didn't come up with the name.
At least do it Cini Alfredo.

Speaker 2 Hey, it's Audi Linguini. Hey, my stardom this week is eating ass.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 But not the eating ass you're thinking about. I'm talking about the fighter.
I eat ass. Fighting in rough around each technology.

Speaker 2 Make your picks in the play boss to laugh for 25k, go 10 for 10. Buyrnr.com.
My sit him is Britney Spears.

Speaker 2 Uh-oh. Disagree.
She's Cray Cray. She's making these weird ass videos.
She's looking in the camera. She's scaring me.

Speaker 2 You just, big fan.

Speaker 2 Where did you hop? Hey, you're scaring me, Brittany. You're scaring me.
Leave Britney alone. And my sleeper is Coach O.

Speaker 2 That dude fucks.

Speaker 2 No tigers. No tigers.
No, slut shame. That's right.
That's all right. What did we say? Slut shaming coach.

Speaker 2 No one said anything about sluts.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, it's a jump field.

Speaker 2 Cut this, cut this. It's perfectly normal for a man to have sexual feelings about a woman.
That's all I'm going to say. What's up, dickheads? We just cut the whole thing.

Speaker 2 No, no, we ain't cutting shit, Billy.

Speaker 2 Cut shit, Billy. Don't be a fraud, Billy.

Speaker 2 No circumcision on this podcast. You shot, Billy, and you missed.
Who the fuck is?

Speaker 2 What's up? Fuck. Motherfuckers, this is Denucci Denucci.

Speaker 2 Denucci. Denucci Denucci Square, baby.
Double D. This weekend, I'm starting deferring on kickoffs.
It's a huge start for me right now. Teams that defer on kickoffs this year are 90% winners.

Speaker 2 I'm talking 90% winners this year. Random stats on them.
I'm a big numbers guy. My

Speaker 2 sit,

Speaker 2 my sit of the week is numbers. Because Koji Arabian and me on on the Chiefs, he gave his speech and he said, it's not about the numbers, it's about the alphabets.

Speaker 2 The only two alphabets that matter in this industry is a W and an L. That is poetry to my heart.
That's beautiful. That guy.

Speaker 2 I fucking love Eric B.

Speaker 2 And my sleep of the week is Joe Puck's inside voice when he switches over to

Speaker 2 calling baseball. It's like a little mini matches nap from fucking gym nance.
It's so sweet, so nice. Dads Across America are snoozing, including the big guy over there.
That's right, big man. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Big man. Big man.
Who's the big man?

Speaker 2 You're big man. I'm the big man? You're big man.
Big man.

Speaker 2 All right. What's up, guys? It's Joey Battafuco.

Speaker 2 What's up, Joey Bats? Joey Battafuco, my stardom this week is Trent Brown. I found out yesterday Trent Brown has the greatest tattoo of all time.

Speaker 2 It's him getting sucked off by two different women on his arm.

Speaker 2 And also, he looks like 70 pounds lighter. It's a great tattoo.
He's getting his ass fucking tossed. Nutting.
And one of the women's got his jersey number on. That's fucking boss.

Speaker 2 My sitim is SEC football. Big Ted's back, baby.
The big boys are back, ready to play. SCC, who cares? Who cares? I actually still care.
And then my sleeper is, I actually, there's a PSA.

Speaker 2 I fucked up last week. I thought it was daylight savings.
It's this week. My bad.
My bad. Yeah, I've been an hour early for the first time.
Hey, what the fuck? I know. What the fuck? What the fuck?

Speaker 2 I had to break character. Hey, what the fuck? I had to break character because I fucked up, and I felt so bad that I fucked up.
It's this week. I fucked up.
This week is Daylight Savings. Saturday.

Speaker 2 Make sure you change your clocks

Speaker 2 Saturday night so you don't be an idiot on Sunday and miss the start of the

Speaker 2 fucking uses clocks anyway. All right, go ahead.
Sorry.

Speaker 5 That was my PSA.

Speaker 2 What up is Cosmo D'Amedici? My stardom is the turf monster.

Speaker 2 Ate up Daniel Jones, ate his ass. I came came up with that right now.
Yo,

Speaker 2 my sit him

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 a sit him. It's also

Speaker 2 Daniel Jones in the open field.

Speaker 2 My sleeper is me. I'm very sleepy.
I'm sorry if I make bad jokes.

Speaker 2 Good job.

Speaker 2 That works, Cosimo. Good job, Billy.
All right.

Speaker 2 That was face fucked, boys. So we got 51 seconds left in this game.
And it looks like, ooh, the Eagles are now going to.

Speaker 2 Now, this is the perfect ending to the NFC East shit bowl because there's been like flags back and forth a million times. Credit to Hank.
He said this game was not over. I doubted him.

Speaker 2 Flag on the Eagles. So we'll see if they can get it in.
Actually, that's bad.

Speaker 2 Do the Eagles.

Speaker 2 No chance they go for two, but they should. Because

Speaker 2 a lot of people had a certain number that they had to hit on it.

Speaker 2 Travis Kelsey, or sorry, Jason Kelsey just ripped off

Speaker 2 a helmet. By the way, my can't lose parlay.
I forgot to say it. Tell me, Hank, tell me what loses here.
None of it. Bills.

Speaker 2 Bills money line.

Speaker 2 Bills money line. Packers money line.

Speaker 2 Lions plus four and a half adjusted.

Speaker 2 And Chiefs for fun in the afternoon. On the money line.
On the money line. It's plus 252 right now.
We're going to boost it, though, so it'll be even more than that.

Speaker 2 Oh, did he catch it? Touchdown, Eagles. Eagles scored a touchdown.
Boston Scott. I don't know if he got that, though.
Yeah, we'll have to see. We'll have to see.

Speaker 2 Do you want to give us your Berserker parlay?

Speaker 5 I got the first of Friends of the Program parlay. We got Bills to cover.
We got Rams money line. We got the Cleveland Browns and Bengals over at 50.

Speaker 5 We got the boys riding with the boys money line.

Speaker 2 Tennessee Titans. Whoa.
Only half of

Speaker 2 it. It's the boys.

Speaker 2 What? Oh. There's no.
No, they're still our boys. They're still our boys.
What happened with Will?

Speaker 2 He was inactive last time, but they're going to activate him probably this time. I knew that.
And activate him very strongly. I'm friends with him.
I knew that.

Speaker 2 I'm following

Speaker 5 the Moneyline Niners.

Speaker 2 Okay. Billy.
I totally knew that about Will Connie. You don't even like the pass.

Speaker 5 The season.

Speaker 2 Billy.

Speaker 2 He's like straight rooting for Tom City every day.

Speaker 2 I think we all have 3C right now. This is awesome.
This show has gotten off the rails.

Speaker 2 Okay. okay and then you just accused hank of not liking the pad i like it i like it yeah

Speaker 2 what the

Speaker 2 go billy so what's your berserker we got a gas billy up hype circle him hype circle me yeah go after you're doing great and your jokes are landing yeah thank you

Speaker 2 it's midterms i was up late writing essays oh yeah how late this is this is my firefest how many kills did you get for your acting class

Speaker 2 no oh he almost answered it he almost answered it no i'm trying to you almost answered how many kills you got. Yep, I heard that.
Okay. All right, 20.

Speaker 2 Oh, Jalen Hurts in for the two-point conversion and

Speaker 2 flag in the end zone. Wait, was Carson Wentz out for that pass? They did have Carson Wentz out.

Speaker 5 Wait, dude, my Hedgehog picked the Giants plus 3.5, and I thought it was a crazy pick, but it's going to work. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you my Hedgehog's picks. Okay, go ahead.
Here they are.

Speaker 5 It's on TikTok.

Speaker 2 That's a flag.

Speaker 5 Okay, so you got Giants plus 3.5.

Speaker 2 Oh, plus 4.5.

Speaker 5 So it's even more going to cover.

Speaker 2 4.5.

Speaker 5 4.5.

Speaker 5 Then we got...

Speaker 2 Alright, let's do some ads. We got Bengals plus 3.

Speaker 2 Yep. We got...
Why don't you save this for the end? Why don't you write these down?

Speaker 2 Also, save this for the end. He's literally watching from TikTok.

Speaker 2 Wait, save this. Dealers plus 145.
All right.

Speaker 1 What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey. How do you make an Irish entrance, you ask?

Speaker 1 It starts with a shot of proper number 12 Irish whiskey because real friends don't let friends Irish exit a party without a story to tell.

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Mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger.

Speaker 1 In the mood for something smooth but a little sweeter, try proper Irish apple, a delicious blend of proper's award-winning Irish whiskey with crisp, fresh notes of apple.

Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.

Speaker 2 All right, here he is, our good friend, Tom Fornelli.

Speaker 2 Okay, we now welcome on our longtime friend, recurring guest, Dog Avatar,

Speaker 2 Henry Lockwood,

Speaker 2 Projeer,

Speaker 2 yeah,

Speaker 2 ripping off Hank all the time. Plagiarist.
It is Tom Fornelli, CBS Sports. You can find him on the Cover 3 podcast.
You can follow him at Tom Fornelli. He's got picks every single weekend.

Speaker 2 He is sharp, even though he takes unders all the time. Hashtag trust the process.
Tom, Big Ten football. We have you on to preview the Big Ten football season.
We're finally here.

Speaker 2 Do you want to start with Friday night or no?

Speaker 2 Shrews, says. We'll start wherever you want to start.
All right, Wisconsin's going to fuck you guys up. So Wisconsin's playing Illinois in a revenge game.
Let's just get that out of the way.

Speaker 2 I may have talked to the prodigal son today, Graham Mertz. He said the boys are ready.
So how nervous are you now? And maybe tell me what you think Illinois season is going to be like.

Speaker 9 I want to actually, I have a question for you. Like, how do you feel about Graham Mertz?

Speaker 9 Like, is there a lot of excitement surrounding him because he's like the highly ranked four-star quarterback recruit?

Speaker 2 And you guys... Five.

Speaker 9 Four in the composite. But like, you know, because Wisconsin's used to having like, you know, the Scott Tolzine types, the dudes who aren't, you know, very good and aren't asked to do a whole lot.

Speaker 9 So like, are you guys like able to control yourselves right now that you might have a quarterback capable of throwing more than 20 yards downfield?

Speaker 2 I resent pretty much everything you just said, but yes, the answer is yes. I'm very, very excited.

Speaker 2 How can you not be? I mean,

Speaker 2 it's always crazy to get like a recruit that you normally don't get, whether you're Wisconsin or any other program. So yeah, I'm excited.
And I think, you know, the sky's the limit. Who knows?

Speaker 2 Graham Mertz could be incredible. Graham Mertz could be the best player in the country,

Speaker 2 maybe even in the Big Ten, too, because obviously the Big Ten is the best conference. So

Speaker 2 let's start with the West then, because we're talking to Illinois, Wisconsin.

Speaker 2 Give me your, like, who's going to win and who's your dark horse in the West?

Speaker 9 Well, Minnesota is going to win the division.

Speaker 9 Let's get that out of the way right now. No, it's a, I don't know, honestly, because when you look at this division, it is a

Speaker 9 very

Speaker 9 close, I guess, you want to, you know, NFL type parody kind of division. In that, I don't think the best team in the West is all that much better than the team that's probably going to finish in last.

Speaker 9 Like, we had to do our Big Ten prediction season preview kind of thing this week at cbfsports.com. And in that, you know, they want your hot takey kind of bold prediction for the season.

Speaker 9 And my prediction was nobody's getting out of the West with fewer than three losses this year.

Speaker 9 And I honestly think that's the case because when I look at Wisconsin and Minnesota, who are the two prohibitive favorites in the division i don't think the gap between them and do in illinois is all that wide i certainly don't think it's 20 points which is why we're taking illinois against this fret on friday night and i look at the situation that we're stuck in where since the big 10 originally decided to postpone its season and then said, oh, wait, no, this is fine.

Speaker 9 We could have played. Let's jump back in.
So now they're playing eight games in eight weeks, or at least they're crossing their fingers and hoping they can play eight games in eight weeks.

Speaker 9 That's going to be hell on all these teams because there is no time off. There's no bye weeks.

Speaker 9 There are no cupcake kind of get-right games to try to figure out your situation or your depth chart because we haven't had a spring practice.

Speaker 9 We didn't really have a real fall camp leading into the season. So those games would have come in very handy to try to figure out what you have.
Instead, you've got to find out right away.

Speaker 9 So now Wisconsin enters the season where, you know, Jack Cohen was supposed to be the quarterback.

Speaker 9 Graham Mertz is highly rated as a recruit, but that doesn't change the fact that Mertz had not been able to beat Cohen in camp for the starting job. To me, that's something of a concern.

Speaker 9 And now he's being thrown right into the fire in a Big Ten game. And Wisconsin's got to replace Jonathan Taylor.
It's got to replace Quintess Cephas.

Speaker 9 It has a couple players in the offensive line it has to replace.

Speaker 9 The defense is still going to be great, but there are more questions on the offensive side of the ball for Wisconsin than we typically see. Then we move to Minnesota.

Speaker 9 And yes, they have Tanner Morgan at quarterback, who's probably one of the more underrated quarterbacks in the country.

Speaker 9 I think he's a first-round NFL draft pick next spring, and most people don't even know who he is.

Speaker 9 They've got Rashad Bateman, another first-round NFL draft pick next spring at receiver, and they have a very good offensive line, which is nearly all back in its entirety.

Speaker 9 But on the other side of the ball, like their entire defense from last year is gone and their defense wasn't that great last year. So maybe that's a blessing in disguise.

Speaker 9 But still, it's very young and inexperienced and it's being thrown straight into the fire at home against Michigan on Saturday. So I look at the division from top to bottom.

Speaker 9 And when you see the two favorites being those teams, and there are a lot of question marks about both of those teams, this really is like, it's become, I look at the Big Ten West this year as what the ACC Coastal has been in previous years, where you might go five and three and four and four.

Speaker 9 Everybody might be four and four. It's just a complete toss-up at this point.

Speaker 2 It sounds like a little hot-takey, and the type of thing that we would say to make fun of people who actually say it, but going back to Wisconsin's quarterback, is there like actually a chance that Paul Chris doesn't know how to use a good quarterback?

Speaker 9 You know, I don't think it's that he doesn't know how to use it. I think it's that the recipe for success in Madison has been so, you know, it's worked.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 9 And it's like, why fuck with it?

Speaker 2 Like we just turn around, we hand off to our running back. We're not allowed to cut somebody else

Speaker 2 anymore. Yeah.
Oh, oh my god. Got that pen.
I forgot. The pin money.
I'm just fucking with you. Damn it.

Speaker 9 I'm sorry, guys. Oh, geez.
Do you want to start over? No, so like they turn around, they hand it off behind their giant offensive line and they, you know, move the ball down the field.

Speaker 9 So my, that's my thing. Like, I think Chris knows how to use a quarterback.
What I want to know is, is he going to be willing to do it?

Speaker 9 Because we saw what happens with Wisconsin a few years ago when they had Russell Wilson, when they had like an actual, by God, quarterback.

Speaker 9 And if Mertz is potentially that kind of guy, will they take the, you know, will they loosen the reins? Will they let him take shots down the field? Will they turn to that?

Speaker 9 Or will they go super conservative and just try to get four and a half yard at a time by handing off to their running backs and then find a tight end over the middle off-play action?

Speaker 2 So the one question I did have about Friday night, and then we can get back to actual football talk, but this is important too.

Speaker 9 What is the beard situation looking like for lovy smith on a scale of like idris alba to santa claus where's he at he's not he's probably he's he's like uh prepubescent santa claus that he's just kind of sprouting last i saw because he did shave it this offseason which was very disconcerting honestly because a

Speaker 9 The beard was glorious and magnificent, but then he'd had it for so long that you kind of forgot what Lovey Smith looked like without the beard.

Speaker 9 And he looked about 20 years younger as soon as he shaved it off. So it was kind of jarring to see it.

Speaker 9 But yeah, I hope it's back because i do think that you know silly or not i think that beard definitely plays a role in illinois getting to a bowl last year like if he's clean shaven illinois 2 and 10 at best agreed uh all right intangible things in the west real quick uh

Speaker 2 Minnesota loses their offensive coordinator to Penn State, which I think is significant. So I'll throw a flag on that, Minnesota like winning the West because of that.

Speaker 2 I honestly think that he means a lot, especially with the COVID. And then Iowa, having everything that's gone gone on there, how much do you put into like those type of things?

Speaker 2 And then, you know what? Let's throw in Jeff Braum not coaching Purdue week one. And Jeff Braum's a fantastic coach.

Speaker 2 Like these things matter a lot.

Speaker 2 How would you rank those three things?

Speaker 9 I think Braum might be the biggest of them all, honestly, because he is the play caller.

Speaker 9 It's not like a situation where we saw with Nick Saban where, you know, he was going to potentially miss the game, but he also had a staff filled with guys who'd been head coaches at USC, Texas, and Tennessee.

Speaker 9 There was people, there were plenty of people around who could control things had he not been able to be there.

Speaker 9 Jeff Brom is the coach, the offensive coordinator, the game plan guy, the guy who calls the plays. So being without him, I think that's going to impact Purdue.

Speaker 9 And I feel like in an eight-game schedule, even if you're only missing him for one game, that's what, 12, 13% of your season right there.

Speaker 9 I think that Kirk Shiraka leaving Minnesota for Penn State is a big deal, but they do have Mike Sanford, who has been the offensive coordinator at Notre Dame before.

Speaker 9 He was the head coach at Western Kentucky.

Speaker 9 so it's not like he's some virgin offensive coordinator who's never called plays i think that you know seeing what's worked they're probably not going to mess with that formula too much and then i do think iowa the situation off the field will have an impact but what's more interesting to me is you know besides the the ramifications of the culture of the program chris doyle

Speaker 9 deserved to be fired, deserved to go for what he did.

Speaker 9 But that doesn't change the fact that Chris Doyle had been huge for that program because their strength and conditioning program is what has made Iowa what it is. They don't win Big Ten titles.

Speaker 9 They don't go to a lot of Rose Bowls, but what they do is they take a bunch of three-star, scrawny, 250-pound kids. And over three or four years, they turn them into NFL talents.

Speaker 9 They've been churning out NFL players that were kind of, you know, hidden gems and have flown under the radar and they developed them. So losing that is not something that should be overlooked.

Speaker 9 And then you just combine the fact that Iowa's got a lot of new players coming in at key positions like a quarterback, Nate Stanley's, you you know, 10-year career is finally over.

Speaker 9 So we're going to have a new quarterback there.

Speaker 9 And you put all that together and you just kind of put the cloud that's hanging over them from the offseason and just the spotlight that Kirk Ference is already under.

Speaker 9 Because if things go wrong this year, it's not crazy to think that Ference might be in his last season at Iowa just because the PR nightmare of the offseason combined with a bad season.

Speaker 9 They might look at it and say, okay, now's the time we should move on and get a fresh slate. So that's going to be a really interesting story to follow all season long.

Speaker 2 That's that's a great point, too, because I know PFT pokes fun at Paul Chris and the lack of quarterbacks at Wisconsin, but Wisconsin and Iowa are kind of similar in that it's actually almost like a throwback to Nebraska, obviously won national titles, but the idea of you're not going to get five-star recruits, but you can make two and three-star recruits really, really good football players, and team depth and the ability to put together a roster is more about the coaching and what you do with them when they come in and the strength and conditioning.

Speaker 2 And you're right. That's a big piece.
And those two schools know what they are.

Speaker 2 Let's do Nebraska real quick.

Speaker 2 I mean, Scott Frost, I loved his attitude. He wanted to play in Uzbekistan, but

Speaker 2 they're going to get fucked up by Ohio State, right? Like, they're going to get fucked up.

Speaker 2 Okay. And then Penn State.

Speaker 2 No, wait, who's week two?

Speaker 9 For the

Speaker 9 week two, they've got shit.

Speaker 2 I think it's Michigan. I think it's Michigan.
Northwestern and then Penn State. Yeah, I think the Big Ten said fuck you to Nebraska with

Speaker 2 Ohio State, Wisconsin, Northwestern Technology. Oh, Wisconsin.

Speaker 2 So they kind of, yeah, they kind of screwed them. But yeah, so they're going to get fucked up.
I mean, this is still, are we doing like, this is still a work in progress with Nebraska?

Speaker 2 I do believe in Scott Frost, but it's not there yet.

Speaker 9 Yeah, like this, they really did get fucked in the way that the schedule is an absolute monster and the Big Ten is sticking it to them because they stepped out of line.

Speaker 9 Like Ohio State wanted to play the entire time too, but Ohio State publicly was, you know, doing the thing that all Big Ten schools do, where it's like, yeah, you know, we support the conference decision.

Speaker 9 And then underhand, you know, privately and kind of doing things, leaking it, how we're working to get back.

Speaker 9 Whereas Nebraska was just the new kids screaming at the kitchen table or the dinner table because they didn't get dessert.

Speaker 9 And

Speaker 9 this was supposed to be the year, like the last, the first two years of the Scott Frost era did not go as planned. Like he didn't come in.
He wasn't a savior from day one.

Speaker 9 He didn't save the program, but those expectations really weren't realistic to begin with.

Speaker 9 Because going from Bo Polini to Mike Riley, you had to change your entire offensive personnel from what Bo Polini ran to what Mike Riley was trying to run.

Speaker 9 And now Scott Frost is coming back after Mike Riley's brought in his players. and kind of reverting to the same kind of offense they originally had.

Speaker 9 So now he's got to bring in a whole new set of players that fits what he wants to do. So that was always going to take a few years.

Speaker 9 And this was supposed to be the year where you thought you would take the step forward because it's his third year. Adrian Martinez was starting his third year as the starting quarterback.

Speaker 9 You've got an exciting player in Wandale Robinson, but now you've got Ohio State in week one, then you've got Wisconsin. And then a couple weeks after that, you've got Penn State.

Speaker 9 And that Northwestern game that's in between there suddenly becomes a lot trickier to deal with between Wisconsin and Penn State.

Speaker 9 So we're looking at a real situation where Nebraska could be 0-4 after the first four games of the year, because even if that offense does take the step forward, that I do think it will, the defense is still awful.

Speaker 9 The defense was awful the last two years.

Speaker 9 I don't see anything that has changed to make me believe that they're suddenly going to be competent enough defensively to be a team that can compete in the division.

Speaker 9 So when I look at this Nebraska team, I see a team that's probably going to be four and four if things go well. And I don't think four and four is good.

Speaker 9 I think Nebraska fans are going to have a difficult time swallowing a four and four season as a successful season.

Speaker 9 But I honestly think that should be considered a successful season if I'm a Cornhusker fan in 2020.

Speaker 2 But what about the Football Gods aspect where they saved Big Ten football? So maybe they might get like one or two lucky breaks here there. I'm kind of a believer in that.

Speaker 2 I'm also thinking about Martinez, like, yeah, third year, but also it felt like like he was always on the precipice of being benched going back like the last two seasons.

Speaker 2 And then didn't they get McCaffrey's little brother? Yeah, and it's also

Speaker 2 Martinez, Adrian Martinez, it's kind of like his seventh year because they had Taylor Martinez

Speaker 2 beforehand. So it's a lot of Martinez together, yeah.
But

Speaker 2 with Adrian Martinez, like, how long, how long is the leash? Are we going to get to see a little McCaffrey this year?

Speaker 9 Well, first of all, as far as like the saving Big Ten football and the God stuff, let's remember Jesus saved all the sinners and he ended up nailed to a cross.

Speaker 9 So that doesn't really get you a whole lot. But as for like Adrian Martinez,

Speaker 9 I think his job is pretty safe. I can't say that he's like 100% going to hold on to the job no matter what, but I'd say I'd probably about 70% that he's going to be starting for the entire season.

Speaker 9 I can't rule out that he could lose the job at some point because you're right, he does get a little turnover happy at times. He gets a little happy fee.

Speaker 9 He just tries to make plays that aren't there sometimes instead of taking the play that is there, making the simple play.

Speaker 9 But you would hope that as he enters his third season as starter, that gets ironed out.

Speaker 9 But there's a long list of quarterbacks who went into their third year starting that you thought could get that shit figured out, and they never did.

Speaker 2 So on the east, I mean, it's Ohio State and everyone else. That's

Speaker 2 college football now has just become Clemson, Alabama, Ohio State, and everyone else. LSU.

Speaker 2 Yeah, LSU. Yeah, not this year.
But like, I'm talking about, it's actually LSU winning is

Speaker 2 a testament that teams can every now and then pop up, but like the true, like, we are a powerhouse year in, year out, no matter what, that's basically those three schools.

Speaker 2 So, is there any way that Penn State, I know Michigan probably can't, but anyway, I know Indiana's got hype, any way anyone else can win the East besides Ohio State?

Speaker 9 Yeah, I mean, it's possible because as we talked earlier, like,

Speaker 9 With the congested schedule without any bye weeks, I mean, things are going to be weird. We've already kind of seen it.

Speaker 9 Like if you look around, like you mentioned LSU, I don't think anybody expected LSU to be competing for another national title this year, but I don't think anybody expected what we've seen so far.

Speaker 9 You look at Oklahoma, a team that's already lost two games within the first few weeks. So

Speaker 9 I don't think you can overstate how strange this season is, not just because of the schedule, but also because of the lack of preparation for it without having spring practices, without having traditional fall camps.

Speaker 9 Now, the good news for Ohio State is that even after the Big Ten postponed the season originally and was thinking we wouldn't play at all or play in the spring, they never closed practices.

Speaker 9 They never closed camps.

Speaker 9 They were still having the players coming in and working out and getting ready for the season just in case we got a scenario like this where they got the green light to go ahead and play it all along.

Speaker 9 So Ohio State should be in better condition for the season than maybe LSU was and maybe Oklahoma was. But they do still have to play in the toughest division in the conference.

Speaker 9 And Penn State is still a good team.

Speaker 9 Michigan, I don't think, is going to be able to compete for the division title, but I do think Michigan, if you catch them on the right day, can beat anybody in the conference.

Speaker 9 Now, maybe not Ohio State, but you get what I'm saying. So I look at the situation and say, yes, it is possible that Ohio State will not win the Big Ten.

Speaker 9 I do not think that's what's going to happen. I think they're far and away the best team.
And they strike me as like the Clemson in Alabama, where we've seen in the ACC and SEC. It's like...

Speaker 9 We knew Clemson was the God-tier team in the ACC and was miles better than everybody else. So that wasn't a surprise.

Speaker 9 But you look at the SEC and it's it's like, oh, wow, Alabama is a lot better than everybody else in the SEC. And we typically think of the SEC as having competitive teams to go along at the top.

Speaker 9 And I think we're going to see a similar situation like that with Ohio State, where on a weekly basis, it's going to be clear that they are the best team in the conference by far.

Speaker 9 And unless they screw up or Justin Fields gets hurt or they undergo a lot of injuries or COVID wreaks havoc on their roster, they're going to win the conference.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 What team do you think is the most poised to be like the the combo breaker for Ohio State? Is it Penn State? Are they far and away the second most likely?

Speaker 9 Yeah, I just I look at the situation like talent-wise, and Penn State and Michigan are the only two teams really in the conference right now that have enough talent that you could consider being able to compete with them.

Speaker 9 But what holds them back and the big difference is Ohio State has Justin Fields at quarterback. Penn State's got Sean Clifford.

Speaker 9 Nothing against Clifford, but he's not Justin Fields.

Speaker 9 He is not that kind of game-changing talent that you need at the quarterback quarterback position to win conferences these days to get to the college football playoff and to win a national title alabama has that in mac jones i know most people didn't think that was the case before the year but he's been great clemson we obviously know has that with trevor lawrence ohio state has it with justin fields so i think penn state's a very talented team i think that they finally have a senior laden veteran offensive line which should be an improvement because that offensive line has been bad most of the time the last few years.

Speaker 9 I think they have good talented receiver. I think they have good talented running back.
I think they have good players on defense.

Speaker 9 But when it comes down to it, there's such a huge gap between their quarterback and Ohio State's quarterback, it's hard to see them closing the gap.

Speaker 9 And I could say the same thing about Michigan, who is turning to Joe Milton at quarterback this year, who is a player I like and I think has a pretty high ceiling.

Speaker 9 He's got a strong arm, needs to work on accuracy. So I know he's right up your guys's alley.

Speaker 2 But there's a lot of questions.

Speaker 2 I don't follow you.

Speaker 2 I'm like going through the roster and like that could be a shot at like seven of our friends. Yes.

Speaker 2 Who specific were you talking about there tom listen i'm talking specifically about josh allen who i've come around on and joined you guys mvp candidate josh allen except for one game yeah except for one game yeah

Speaker 9 but i mean joe milton joe milton has that kind of arm he's got a very strong arm and it's going to be interesting to see how he fits in that offense because they really did kind of completely overhaul the receiver position this offseason where rondy bell's the only guy that's coming back that's done anything in that offense and then nico collins is gone Tariq Black transferred to Texas, but they have a couple four-star kind of little shifty, speedy guys at receiver coming in as freshmen this year, who I think fit what Josh Gaddis, their offensive coordinator, tries to do and wanted to do last year, but he didn't have the personnel for it.

Speaker 9 So I think Michigan is better positioned to be functional on offense this year than it was last year.

Speaker 9 But again, it's hard for me to look at Joe Milton as a young kid making his first start, you know, this weekend, compare him to Justin Fields and say, oh, yeah, they could compete with Ohio State.

Speaker 2 So, oh, go ahead. I was going to say, what about the biggest storyline out of that conference?

Speaker 2 The return of the hack, Greg Ciano, coming back to Rutgers.

Speaker 2 I think he's got like an exactly 500 record as the head coach there, but that makes him like far and away the best coach to ever be in that zip code.

Speaker 2 So is the, I think the over-under is one and a half games. Are you taking the over on that? Oh, I'm betting on them this weekend.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I think they're going to win a game for sure. I really do.

Speaker 9 I don't know if they're going to be able to get two, but when you look around at that division, I mean, Michigan State, I think, is in line for a very rough season.

Speaker 9 So I do think that, like you said, Dan,

Speaker 9 I would take Rutgers this weekend.

Speaker 9 I would sprinkle a little bit on the money line because I feel like if they're going to win a game this year, this is one of the most winnable games on their schedule.

Speaker 9 And I do think that the Shiado hire in the long run is going to be good for Rutgers because I think that he brings just a level of competence to that program that has not been there since it joined the Big Ten.

Speaker 9 And I think that that alone is going to help them improve. It's just they're like Indiana, Maryland, and Michigan State.

Speaker 9 They're kind of stuck in that shitty position of having to be in the east where you have to deal with Penn State, Michigan, and Ohio State every year.

Speaker 9 So it's unrealistic to ever think that they're going to be competing for division titles on the reg.

Speaker 9 But I do think that Rutgers is a program that could at least stop being a giant embarrassment to Big Ten fans who can't believe that they're in the conference to begin with.

Speaker 2 That's a great endorsement right there.

Speaker 2 And you forget that Greg Sciano has has a lot of experience dealing with like a pandemic and infectious diseases in his locker room going back to the Mercer days in Cleveland.

Speaker 2 So this is, if you have to pick one person to kind of be a steward and guide your team through this crisis, I think you could do a lot worse than Greg.

Speaker 9 Greg Sciano is a great crisis director.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's actually, I mean, he's taking advantage of like the evolving rules and basically got, I think he overhauled the entire roster with transfers already. So they're going to be better.
And

Speaker 2 Michigan State, like Mel Tucker, I don't know how he finagled that job. I mean, he was, we know it, as the Bears defensive coordinator.

Speaker 2 And then he went to Colorado and did, I think he actually just got the job because he got like a decent recruiting class at Colorado. And Michigan State was like, okay, maybe.

Speaker 9 And he has that whole

Speaker 9 Nick Saban, you know, shine on him after being a coach on Nick Saban's staff at Alabama. I do, I think Mel Tucker is.

Speaker 9 going to be okay at Michigan State. I don't know if he's going to win big.

Speaker 9 It's just, I think that that situation is so jacked up because like, first of all, he gets the job late because Mark D'Anio just kind of, you know, retires out of nowhere.

Speaker 9 So then he, he gets the job leaving in February. And then like a week later is when all the pandemic stuff really starts.
So everything gets shut down.

Speaker 9 So he never even got a chance to really introduce himself to his players because they were all sent home right after he got there. Then there's no spring practice.
There's no summer camps.

Speaker 9 There's none of that stuff. So he got a really late start.
And I mean, looking at their quarterback situation, Mel Tucker is not releasing a depth chart.

Speaker 9 So I have to assume Rocky Lombardi is going to be that team's starting quarterback.

Speaker 9 And Rocky Lombardi is a guy we've seen get time, you know, just filling in, who in his career as Michigan State's quarterback has a completion percentage under 50%.

Speaker 9 I think is averaging fewer than six yards per attempt and has more interceptions than touchdowns.

Speaker 9 So it's hard to look at that and say, yeah, the Michigan State offense is going to be in a good position in 2020.

Speaker 2 Well, and I always, I would love to get your take on this because I struggle with college football returning production. Like Michigan State's returning 12% of their returning production.

Speaker 2 They sucked last year. So is that good or bad? Like Northwestern is returning 90% of the production.
They also sucked last year. Is that good or bad?

Speaker 2 Because like you sucked, but you're bringing all your players back, but do they still suck? Or you sucked, you lost all your players. Maybe the new players are good.

Speaker 2 How do you figure that out?

Speaker 9 It's a glass half full, glass half empty kind of situation. It could go either way.
For me, I always look at more than anything,

Speaker 9 it's more important to me. I would rather have 90% of my offensive lineback and my quarterback.

Speaker 9 I don't really care about wide receivers and running backs because we've seen throughout the years that those guys are more replaceable. But I would rather have the veteran QB unless he really sucks.

Speaker 9 But if he doesn't suck and he's just average or better, I would rather have the returning QB and a returning offensive line and a defensive line than anything else.

Speaker 9 So those are the areas that I tend to focus on when trying to figure out: okay, is this team going to improve this year or is it probably going to take a step back?

Speaker 2 I want to talk fullbacks real quick. The Low Man Trophy, you're on the committee.

Speaker 2 You're one of the inaugural committee members, and you've always kind of been at the bleeding edge of nominating players.

Speaker 2 I think you've mentioned a couple of the guys that ended up being finalists every year that we've done the award.

Speaker 2 So, right now, my entire watch list just from my eyeballs consists of Army's entire roster and then the fullback from BYU, Mason Wake. So, those are the two guys that have jumped out to me.

Speaker 2 Do you have any other suggestions? People we should keep our eyes on.

Speaker 9 Well, I mean, here's Mason Stocky, I think, from Wisconsin is an obvious choice because they're still one of the few programs that's using a fullback. But I also feel like maybe this is cheating, Dan.

Speaker 9 I want to get your ruling on this because Garrett Kroczek is supposed to, is like the number one running back on Wisconsin's depth chart, as far as I know.

Speaker 9 Isn't he really more of a fullback playing running back?

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's a, and it's going to be a committee this year. So I think you're going to get, like, there's definitely going to be some hard decisions for the low man trophy.

Speaker 2 Like, what's, what does he really classify as I agree also there's like three or four guys that are you know we have a freshman what's his name Bagley is that his name

Speaker 2 yeah like there he might yeah he might play like so it's gonna be

Speaker 2 you're right it's gonna be a very very hard year for the committee well I I don't like to you know put people in buckets right off the bat but to be fair every Wisconsin fullback has already won the low man trophy true just the position of fullback at Wisconsin was the winner last year but it's very hard there's a very there's a line where uh I mean it it starts all the way back with Bernstein, where it's like, is he a fullback?

Speaker 2 That's back all the way to like 2003, 2004. Like, is he a fullback? I mean, Ron Dane, is he a fullback or a running back? He's a running back, but he's got a fullback's body.
So who knows?

Speaker 2 I think if you're classified as the thunder in a thunder and lightning backfield, like T.J. Duckett, when he was teamed up with Warwick Dunn, that qualifies you as a fullback.
Yeah, PJ, remember P.J.

Speaker 2 Hill? He was fucking fat. I thought he was going to be a Heisman Trophy winner.
That was stupid. John Clay, he was fat.

Speaker 2 Go down the list. John Clay was fat.
He was.

Speaker 2 And you know what? If Brett Bielman had run John Clay in the Rose Bowl, they probably would have beaten TCU.

Speaker 2 All right, so I had one last question. It is the cross-country mortgage question.
Final question brought to you by Cross-Country Mortgage America's Crazy Good Mortgage Company.

Speaker 2 Go to ccmlends.com/slash take to learn more about your future home, buying experience, or refinancing needs. Equal housing opportunity.
Can you give us a lock for the weekend?

Speaker 2 And also, Hank, did you have a question?

Speaker 2 I'm going to give you a question time. Hank.

Speaker 7 I have a few takes on the Big Ten this year. No school in the West is going to escape the regular season with fewer than three losses.
And Indiana, you guys didn't really talk about them too much, but

Speaker 2 they should be a dark horse.

Speaker 7 You know, if the Hoosiers were 8-1 against everyone else

Speaker 7 and 3-0 in three games against the Big Ten West teams, their only losses coming against Ohio State, Michigan, and Penn State, they would be a 2020 dark horse if they weren't in the Big Ten West.

Speaker 7 That's not really more of a question as much as it's just kind of my take on the Big Ten. Not that you really asked.

Speaker 9 It's a very astute take because you're right. Indiana's problem, Hank, it's one more of geography than actual skill in football.
I believe that's on the page you're reading from, too.

Speaker 2 And you hit Hank's blog also.

Speaker 9 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 Who doesn't?

Speaker 5 I literally, I subscribe to it.

Speaker 9 I get notifications anytime there's a new post because I cover college football for a living, so I have to follow the college football king so I know what to say. But yeah, as for my lock of the week,

Speaker 9 it's

Speaker 9 you know, there's a Northwestern game this weekend, and you know, like you have your hoodie that you wear when once the fall starts to turn into winter, the leaves start to fall, the wet, the wind gets a little crisper, the breeze gets a little cooler, and you just like to slip into it because it's warm and comfortable.

Speaker 9 So, I'm slipping into the warm and comfortable feel of a Northwestern under against Maryland this weekend because the total is at like 55 or 54 and a half, depending on where you look.

Speaker 9 And Northwestern scored 12 points per game in the conference last year. Maryland scored 16 points per game in the conference last year.
And I'm not a math whiz, but 16 plus 12 does not equal 55.

Speaker 9 So yeah, I'm on the under there.

Speaker 8 That's my big 10 lock of the week.

Speaker 2 We don't like talking about unders that much, but the way that you set it up, like it's a snuggie, something that you can slip into nice and warm, that makes it a little more palatable for me to bet on that.

Speaker 2 So thank you for laying that mattress down for us. Happy to help.

Speaker 2 And we're going to hopefully, I have to double check on this, but the plan is to have a bet every every Saturday that's called the Moens for Beth Moens, and it's the total punts in the Big Ten on a Saturday.

Speaker 9 Oh, hell yeah, that sounds amazing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, that game should give us like 12 punts easily.

Speaker 9 Is that going to be at the Barstool Sportsbook?

Speaker 2 Yes, yes.

Speaker 9 Okay, so I'm going to need you guys to open a location in Illinois really quickly so I can pet that up.

Speaker 2 Hammer the Moens. So if there's a block punt, would that count?

Speaker 2 I think that counts as a punt, right? In the box score.

Speaker 2 I'm pretty sure. I think it's a punt punt.

Speaker 2 That sounds like a fun bet to do. Yeah, I think a punt fake wouldn't count.
Right. But yeah, if the

Speaker 2 punt sails over.

Speaker 9 It seems to bring greater punt awareness to the country.

Speaker 2 What if the snap sails over, like hypothetically, the Michigan punters had, and then it's retrieved for a touchdown by Michigan State? Well, that's just hilarious.

Speaker 2 That's something we can all laugh at.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 9 I think that actually

Speaker 9 counts as a fumble, and then it counts as a team rushing loss of yards. So no matter who recovers it, like in the box score, it'll say team rush attempt one yards, negative 29.

Speaker 2 Well, and you forgot the most important part, it also counts against Jim Harbaugh's record against his rivals when you're making a point that he should be fired, which I don't think he should be.

Speaker 2 But that does count very much towards that. Tom, do you have any intel on what kind of mask we're expecting out of Jim Harbaugh on the side? Is it going to be a khaki mask?

Speaker 2 Is he just going to like cut the back pocket out of one of those things and then use a rubber band to tie it around his face?

Speaker 9 I would bet that it's jumpman-branded.

Speaker 2 I like that. I'd like to see something a little less swaggy at Old Jim, though.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Maybe it can be Jumpman-branded, but the brand is it's just got like the outline of a tin of skull right over his mouth.

Speaker 9 It's got a list of every player on the team's GPA etched onto it so you know who the real winners are

Speaker 2 in the big ten. Yes, in the year that they were an inch away from going to the college football playoff.
Just reminding everyone that.

Speaker 2 All right, Tom, thank you as always. CBS Sports, check him out.

Speaker 2 He is very sharp. So if you are gambling, he's got great information all the time.

Speaker 2 And thanks for joining us and happy that Big Ten is back.

Speaker 9 Thank God. Thanks for having me, guys.

Speaker 2 Tom Ferneli was brought to you by...

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Speaker 2 And now, here is

Speaker 2 Mr. Portnoy, our lawyer.

Speaker 8 I'm here.

Speaker 2 Can you hear us? I do. All right.
Mr. Portnoy, it's great to see you.

Speaker 8 You know, I want to tell you guys something.

Speaker 2 Wait.

Speaker 2 Hold on. Hold on.

Speaker 2 Let's

Speaker 2 recording now. It's Mr.
Portnoy, our lawyer. He's getting right into it.
Go.

Speaker 8 I want to tell you, too, something. I still have people come up to me and say how much they loved me with you guys on pod and my take.

Speaker 8 So that's a compliment to you two more than me, but it's a little compliment.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like how you started with that. Like, the big compliment to us was everyone coming up to you and saying that they love you.
Yes.

Speaker 2 You sure you're going?

Speaker 2 It's good to have you back. It's good to have you back.
Yeah,

Speaker 8 the last time we were going to do this, about a month and a half ago, you left me high and dry. You canceled at the last minute.

Speaker 2 You never came back.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can't even remember what that was, but we thought with Jeffrey Tube Man in the news, the legal analyst for CNN for jerking off on Zoom, we thought, let's get our legal analyst who would never masturbate in our family.

Speaker 2 Obviously. Yeah.

Speaker 8 That's obviously old news because we got Rudy taking his place today.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hand down.

Speaker 2 That happened. That did happen.
So

Speaker 2 as a lawyer, what would you say Jeffrey Toobin's legal out here is? Do you have like a take as a lawyer, lawyer to lawyer?

Speaker 8 As we would say, what the fuck.

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay. That's fair.

Speaker 8 You know, something the best thing that happened to him was Rudy. Absolutely.
Yeah. Because now

Speaker 8 he looks like an amateur compared to Rudy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true. That is true.
It kind of buried that for him. Is it illegal to accidentally jack off on a conference call with your coworkers?

Speaker 8 I haven't done it.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 That wasn't a question. No.
Way to dodge it. Methinks the lady doth protest.

Speaker 8 I think it's

Speaker 8 disrespectful. I don't know if it's illegal to be

Speaker 8 disrespectful.

Speaker 8 Hey,

Speaker 8 you know, something

Speaker 8 in this world, I'm very, today's world, I'm very,

Speaker 8 I'm not surprised at anything pretty much anymore. But I got to say that kind of took me aback, as they say.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes. Because

Speaker 8 you would think he, you would think he could, I mean, it's so ridiculous. You could think he could have controlled himself a little longer.
Right.

Speaker 8 No, you know, you got to be careful. Everything you say about this has a double meaning.
Okay. You got to be very careful.

Speaker 2 From a legal standpoint, if he's getting paid to be a legal analyst for somebody, isn't that kind of attorney-client confidentiality? They can't say that they saw his dick because he works for them.

Speaker 2 Good point.

Speaker 8 You always come up with the best questions. They're ridiculous questions, but they're very good questions.

Speaker 8 I never even gave that any thought.

Speaker 2 It might be an interesting argument. You get the right judge.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I want to ask you a question. Which do you think is more disrespectful?

Speaker 8 What he did than what John Wall did.

Speaker 2 I think that jerking off in your co-worker's face is far more disrespectful than playing a game of cards when you're being asked about the Dallas Cowboys on like NFL live at three o'clock in the afternoon.

Speaker 2 I don't know. That's just me.
That's just me.

Speaker 8 I don't know that I agree with that because I think that when he

Speaker 8 no, I don't think I do it because what John Wall did, he was saying to the two guys that were doing the interview, I'm the fuck about you guys. And I can do what I want.

Speaker 8 I'm a big, big, I'm a big operator, and you two little guys.

Speaker 2 No, can I ask you? Can I ask a follow-up for the John Wall? What, yeah, he was just playing cards,

Speaker 2 who cares?

Speaker 8 That's disruption. Yeah, no, I'm sorry.
That's the he was paying, he was playing cards, and he was half paying attention.

Speaker 2 These two guys are probably making a hundred bucks a day, but the other guy making a million, but the other guy was masturbating in front of his colleague's face, but he was the only one at that time that knew he was doing it right

Speaker 2 at least he was showing some passion wall thing it's out in the open i mean i think that you're making i think that's a big part of it i mean if you do it in somebody's face that's a little different but that's not my understanding

Speaker 2 if he didn't know

Speaker 2 right if he didn't know i want to be clear on this yes i agree i want to be clear on i know what you're saying if if if he

Speaker 8 If what's the name was doing it in front of everybody, I would think that's beyond disrespect.

Speaker 2 If he knew,

Speaker 2 I don't think they knew what was going on. Yes.
If he knew, if he knew, then that's a crime.

Speaker 2 If he didn't, then it's like, you're an idiot, you're a weirdo, that's gross negligence, but at least you can be like, well, you didn't know. You're right.
It's a crime.

Speaker 8 You're exposing yourself in public. That is, in fact, a crime.

Speaker 2 Yes. Uh-huh.
Yes. But

Speaker 8 they didn't know, right? They didn't know.

Speaker 2 I don't think that they, they knew, well, they knew because they saw. I don't think he knew that he was still on.

Speaker 8 Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Hold on there. You think that the other people who are in that Zoom call knew that he was doing it?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, I think that's why.
At the time? Well, I think. No, no, no, no, no.
They saw it. So when they came back from like a break and the camera was on his dick.

Speaker 8 After the fact they saw it. Wait a minute.
After the fact they saw it.

Speaker 2 What do you mean after the fact? They saw it

Speaker 2 with the tissues in his hand? What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 What's that? There was a penis on the screen that they saw during the Zoom call,

Speaker 2 and then he shut his computer because he was embarrassed that they saw his dick, which leads me to believe that maybe he wasn't trying to show them.

Speaker 2 So it's like we're prosecuting manslaughter versus murder. It's about intent.
John Wall intentionally was playing cards while Field Yates was trying to ask him about the case. But I think we agree.

Speaker 8 I didn't listen. Let's be clear.
I'm not saying John Wall or John Wall did anything illegal. I said it was highly disrespectful, which is not a crime.
I could dis you

Speaker 8 could disrespect me. I get disrespected on

Speaker 8 Boston all the time, but it's not a crime. But

Speaker 8 I want to be clear on this.

Speaker 8 Maybe I missed, as we say, I misunderstood what happened with the other guy. They didn't realize this while he was doing it, right? It was after the fact.

Speaker 2 I'm still not sure what you mean by after the fact. I think they saw

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 8 the Zoom call was, somebody didn't say during the Zoom

Speaker 2 call.

Speaker 8 Hey, wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Oh, they watched this guy.

Speaker 2 No, they saw him on the camera, and then he shut his computer off, and then they all kind of looked at each other, and they're like, did you guys just see that? Yeah, we all saw it.

Speaker 2 And then he came back later, and then he got suspended because everybody saw it and reported him.

Speaker 8 I mean, look, we're in a Zoom call right now. If I was doing something.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're not saying anything. Let's see your crotch.
We won't say anything about you jerking off right now until after. Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 There were my hands. Two hands.

Speaker 2 You got a fleshlight.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm old. I couldn't hold them up the whole time.
You got a real doll. Yeah.
There now. I got it.
Let's keep it up, right?

Speaker 2 Again, if it was going on,

Speaker 8 while it was having a conversation, somebody noticed it and the conversation continued.

Speaker 2 This

Speaker 2 to me is a whole

Speaker 2 this is fantastic conversation because I don't think any of us, all three of us, and I actually count everyone else in the room right now. We have four of the people in the room.

Speaker 2 None of us actually know this story. I don't think any of us read an article about it, which makes it even funnier that we're discussing it.
So

Speaker 2 I'm going to table this because I got something more important I want to discuss with you, Mr. Portnoy.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 2 Are you so? I saw a clip of you being interviewed on the street

Speaker 2 for

Speaker 2 the local news.

Speaker 2 Mr. Portnoy was just walking, randomly walking.

Speaker 8 Were you stunned when you saw me then?

Speaker 2 I was stunned. I was stunned.
But it has come to light recently that you might actually be addicted to being on the news, and you are now going out

Speaker 2 every day

Speaker 2 trying to find the news because I don't know who said that. Well, hold on.

Speaker 8 I'm going to take a wild guess.

Speaker 2 Hold on, hold on. I texted you yesterday.
I said, can you come on? And you said, yes, I I have to go to a riot from 12 to 2,

Speaker 2 which makes me...

Speaker 8 I'm surprised you didn't comment on that. Well, I know that, you know, I said that.
I thought you would have at least made a little comment about that. You

Speaker 8 made it sound like I was going to the store

Speaker 8 to get a sub or something.

Speaker 2 I didn't even comment. I had no idea what you were talking about.
And then since that moment, it has come to light that you are.

Speaker 2 going out every single day, essentially trying to find where news is happening so that you can be asked questions

Speaker 2 on TV.

Speaker 8 Is that what they do on 60 Minutes?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 this is what Jake Gyllenhol does in night crawlers. That's my job.
You're the night lawyer. So you're going out just trying to be.
I work for the camera. You've got a scanner.

Speaker 2 You're showing up at crime. You're a local news network.
So confirm or deny.

Speaker 2 Are you now addicted to being like local resident number five that gets asked about whatever the happenings are around your neighborhood?

Speaker 8 I could deny it, but I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 Okay, practice with me.

Speaker 2 Say, I don't know. He kept to himself mostly.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's that? Repeat after me. I don't know.
He kept to himself mostly. He was a nice guy.
He took out his trash, played with his kids.

Speaker 2 I didn't think he was going to murder all of these people.

Speaker 2 This is exactly what you have to be prepared for. Oh, you're talking about me? Yeah.
No, you need to get ready for this.

Speaker 2 When you get asked about the serial killer down the block, you'd be like, oh, yeah, you know, I saw him at the grocery store every now and then. He seemed nice enough.

Speaker 8 I thought you were talking about me being a a serial killer.

Speaker 2 No, we know you don't have the

Speaker 2 listen. Can I just give you a little background on this?

Speaker 8 Because I guarantee you that what you've got from Bostel, someone at Bostel, slants the story tremendously.

Speaker 8 I don't want to name any names, but it's David Portnoy.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 8 I'll tell you, this, I walk, when I walk, and I walk virtually every day, walk a couple of miles, I go by the governor's house.

Speaker 8 And that story broke about the fact and I've gotten to know some of the state police and the local police in the area because they're out in front of the house and

Speaker 8 knew in advance I knew in advance before that story broke in the globe that there had been some some issue at his residence he lives right it's amazing he's got a beautiful home but he's right

Speaker 8 it

Speaker 8 you can get onto his front stairs from the street in approximately five seconds.

Speaker 2 Sounds like you've timed that out.

Speaker 2 Sounds like you know know exactly how quickly you can get there.

Speaker 2 Do you want to admit that? Under perfect conditions, no rain, no wind. And then the cops always talk.
I've read enough crime novels, Mr. Porter, where the cops

Speaker 2 always look at the person that shows up to the scene of the crime.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're the arsonist watching the house. You're a looky loo.
That's how they talk to God in Atlanta.

Speaker 8 I become the number one suspect.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 All right. So, wait, so, but now, walk me through.
So now you got on the news once, once, now you're addicted to it. So how does one

Speaker 2 go? What did you do today? What did you do today? Walk us through your day.

Speaker 8 There's a riot that takes place about five minutes from where I live every Thursday.

Speaker 2 Like a ticket.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute.

Speaker 8 It's a Trumpster versus a Black Lives Matter people.

Speaker 8 There's tons of police there. There's barricades.
I'm sorry. That I find very interesting.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 8 in that crowd, let me tell you something. In that crowd, I don't say beep, and I'll tell you why.
Because

Speaker 8 we're headed

Speaker 8 with this thing. There's a few more Thursdays left before the election.
That's going to turn into a full-fledged riot. I don't want to be part of that.

Speaker 2 But you show up. There's a lot of yelling and screaming.
What? You don't want to be a part of it, but you show up every Thursday like clockwork.

Speaker 8 Because I find it interesting. And I want to tell you,

Speaker 8 right so far, there's only been photographers there. I'm not interested in that.
I wait until the trucks come with the

Speaker 8 newscasters.

Speaker 8 Then I go.

Speaker 2 You get as close to the news trucks as you can. We need to get you like a deer hunting optical orange vest to wear to these things so you can identify.

Speaker 8 I'd like something that I could put on my hat that said Boston News Network. I might be able to get a lot further into the stories and help you guys, but I don't have that.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, be safe when you go out to these scheduled riots that you you have in your Outlook calendar.

Speaker 2 I had a question for you about one of our most recent guests, Matthew McConaughey. We had him on on Wednesday.
So he wrote.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I saw him interviewed elsewhere. No offense.

Speaker 2 Okay, thank you. Appreciate that.
What the hell was that?

Speaker 2 Unprovoked shot. I saw him interviewed.

Speaker 8 I forget where I saw him on

Speaker 2 Colbert.

Speaker 8 It might have been with Colbert.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he did every show.

Speaker 2 But you also saw him on Part of My Tick, right?

Speaker 2 No. Sorry.
Okay, thank you. This This is our legal evidence of Christ.
So, hey, before I forget, wait a minute.

Speaker 8 The only reason I was very anxious to do this because I'm, and I said this, sent this to someone at Boston, no names of my son, and he hasn't answered me. I have my cowboy hat ready for the election,

Speaker 8 and I expect to be invited because I was so humiliated in 2016, I was sure it wasn't going to end the way it ended, and I barely could walk when it was over. I was so stunned.

Speaker 8 This time I got to get another shot at this.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 we'll run that up the flagpole. But can I ask a question about Matthew McConaughey?

Speaker 8 You can ask it.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I can answer it. All right, so he wrote a memoir and people are,

Speaker 2 I know that. Okay, good start.
Because you saw him on

Speaker 2 the program. I'm watching the other program.

Speaker 8 I know he wrote a memoir.

Speaker 2 Okay, so he wrote a memoir.

Speaker 2 Some are speculating that some of his stories are like too perfectly McConaughey. Not me.
I believe it 100% because I don't know, maybe I'm under a bad thing. What do you mean by that?

Speaker 2 What do you mean by that?

Speaker 2 He's got some great stories in there about like taking peyote with a mountain lion and just like petting a mountain lion for three hours while he's high down in the deserts of Mexico.

Speaker 2 But like stuff that they're awesome stories and you want to believe them. Like his dad died having sex with his mom after predicting for 50 years that's the way he was going to go out.

Speaker 2 If you were to lie in your own memoir, could you be then sued for libel?

Speaker 8 I think so, sure.

Speaker 2 By yourself?

Speaker 8 Well, I mean,

Speaker 8 are you saying to me that if you said something that involves someone else in that memoir that somehow was lie, that was constituted a defamation,

Speaker 8 that other person, you can't sue yourself the last time I checked, but you're talking about suing someone else, right?

Speaker 8 Excuse me. Excuse me, someone else suing him.

Speaker 2 how about this right

Speaker 2 here's a hypothetical situation mr portnoy by the way he didn't talk about anything like you just mentioned on the other show that i watched him on well you should have listened to part of my take because it was a way better interview from from what it sounds like but if you let's not i'll be the judge of that no you won't because you won't listen to our show if you were to write a memoir i could get to see it if i wanted to right you must have tapes yes we have we have tapes we'll send you the tapes if you okay i don't i feel like this is a dead end You would be an excellent witness.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let me ask you this, Mr. Portner.
Let's finish with this. Do you have a complaint right now that you could give us,

Speaker 2 general or specific, that's going on in your life?

Speaker 8 Well, I had one until you

Speaker 8 the last time we were going to go on and you left, you stood me up.

Speaker 2 So that's the complaint since it's been resolved. Okay.

Speaker 2 What's that? So the complaint is I stood you up? No, no, no.

Speaker 8 I had a good one, but I'll tell you what it was. It's been resolved.
It was with a little outfit called the IRS.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 8 I was waiting for a refund on my taxes. And

Speaker 8 it was crazy.

Speaker 8 They had a site that you could go on.

Speaker 8 And, you know, I'm talking about it was months

Speaker 8 that I was, I knew I was getting this refund and it would go on the IRS site. It would say, we're working on it.
words to that effect. Months go by, we're working on it.

Speaker 8 And the thing that really irritated me about it was that there was no alternative. There was no, they have, there was no 800 number to call that would give you any kind of information.

Speaker 8 It was unbelievable.

Speaker 8 They just, it was like

Speaker 8 they were operating in a foreign country.

Speaker 8 Don't call us, we'll call you.

Speaker 8 And finally, after a ridiculous amount of time, I did get the refund. And on top of that,

Speaker 8 of course, you folks are a much higher tax bracket than I am, but poor little 73-year-old guy like me, I was waiting for that stimulus check.

Speaker 8 I'm not talking about the refund as one stimulus check is something else. I never got that.

Speaker 8 And I never got that. I finally found out because lucky me,

Speaker 8 In one tax year,

Speaker 8 I had a little extra income. So it put me into another

Speaker 8 spot, I guess. And if you looked at the stimulus rules, they were going to take the year 2018 or 2019 to look at that one.

Speaker 8 Well, don't you think I had done the 2018, also done the 2019, but that for some reason they decided, oh, forget the 2019, which is what I would have preferred. for my own benefit.

Speaker 8 They just arbitrarily decided, we'll look at 2018, screw you. No explanation and nothing.
They just decided, hey, we do what we want.

Speaker 2 All right. That's what that was.
So, the second part, I understand, because that seems like they just made up what year they're going to go.

Speaker 2 The first part, your complaint is essentially: the IRS said we're working on it, and they did work on it, and they fixed it, or they sent you the check.

Speaker 2 So, your complaint is essentially, you wanted a number or an email or a person to fill your day harassing, and they would not provide that to you. Yes, Yes, yes, I wouldn't harass them.

Speaker 8 Just, you know, it's a two-way

Speaker 8 street. When you don't pay them, do you think they harass you?

Speaker 2 Yeah, true, yeah. True.
You want to harass them, right?

Speaker 8 So why shouldn't it be booked? And believe me, I didn't get to the point of thinking I am harassing them until we were into this for a few months. I mean,

Speaker 8 I don't know when inquiries turn into harassment.

Speaker 2 I don't know what point you reach.

Speaker 8 You know, but this, this, in my mind, I was very close to being in a harassing situation.

Speaker 2 Do you have any very close?

Speaker 2 Do you have any tips for our listeners if they're calling into somebody like a corporation that might owe them money or owe them some sort of service or customer service how to skip the phone menu, the dreaded phone menu that makes you do like six or seven different buttons before you can talk to a person?

Speaker 8 You know, something

Speaker 8 you find out very quickly that you are on

Speaker 8 a merry-go-round.

Speaker 9 I can't think of a better word.

Speaker 8 No matter what number you call, you're going to end up in the same place. And the place you're going to end up is

Speaker 8 check our website for the latest information. That's where you always end up.
Always.

Speaker 8 I never got to speak to a human being. Never.

Speaker 8 And I'm talking about this is months.

Speaker 8 Never got to speak to a human being.

Speaker 2 Do you trust the.

Speaker 8 Even an IRS person, if you want to classify that as a human being, but I didn't get to speak to an IRS person and or a human being.

Speaker 2 Do you trust the option?

Speaker 2 On a customer service line where you can say, I'll elect to have them call me back when it's my turn. Do you believe that they actually call you back?

Speaker 2 Are you just a kind of guy that's like, I'm going to wait here. I got nothing else to do.
I'm going to say that. I know what you're talking about.

Speaker 8 We'll call you back.

Speaker 8 Give us a time and we'll call you back. When I tell you,

Speaker 8 I never, that is not an option available to if you're trying to get to the customer. the taxpayer they don't offer that

Speaker 8 but we'll call you back at a certain time that's not available The only thing that's available is to call one of these other phone numbers, and

Speaker 8 you're a sucker because you think it's going to advance your whole situation.

Speaker 8 And ultimately, after about an hour, you end up at the same place where check our site, check the IRS site to see the status of your refund.

Speaker 8 Remember, this is a refund. This is money they owed me.

Speaker 2 Right. Right.
You have a right to it. You should sue the IRS.

Speaker 8 People have sued the IRS.

Speaker 2 Yeah, turn the tables on them. Yes.
All right. Is that it? Do you have have anything else? Everything else seems to be going well.
I mean,

Speaker 2 you got a new hobby

Speaker 2 getting on the news.

Speaker 2 You got your weekly riot that you attend. You're Karen.
You're the official barbecue Becky of the show.

Speaker 8 I've got something for someone

Speaker 8 that's retired.

Speaker 2 I'm pretty busy

Speaker 2 doing nothing. No, you got a lot of shit.
You got a radio show? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Do I have your... Listen, I can't rely on my son.
I want to be on an election show.

Speaker 2 Okay, I don't know the plans for it.

Speaker 2 I probably will not be on it,

Speaker 2 but I will try to.

Speaker 2 I will try to get you on it.

Speaker 8 I know you got some influence there, and I know your partner has a little, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we'll get you on it. Mr.
Portnoy, you, as an older man, I almost said elderly, I did not. Older man, gentleman.

Speaker 2 When you tuck in your pants, I'd imagine you have to lie down, right?

Speaker 2 You're just exhausted.

Speaker 2 I think I nailed that one.

Speaker 2 Do you go belly down?

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 you go face down on the mattress and then one hand down the back? Yeah.

Speaker 8 You know, I'm going to have to give it some thought.

Speaker 8 I don't think I do it the same way every single time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, variety. I don't know.
Okay. All right.
Well,

Speaker 2 to wrap things up, I think jacking off on a Zoom call at work. Bad.

Speaker 2 moderately bad, uh, playing spades during an interview with Field Yates, death penalty. Death penalty, yes.

Speaker 8 It's disrespectful.

Speaker 2 That is the definition in my mind of disrespectful.

Speaker 8 Okay, is it illegal? No.

Speaker 8 Is it illegal? No. And I think that it sounds like what Toobin did, unless people saw it as it was happening.

Speaker 2 Which we still can't.

Speaker 2 I don't still don't know. They did not see the ejaculation.
Yes. All right, Mr.
Portnoy, thank you as always. I will get you on that show, okay? I will make sure you're part of that show.

Speaker 8 I hate to beg, but I want to.

Speaker 2 No, you're not begging. It's a guarantee.
It's a guarantee that I will make sure whatever is planned for election night out of Barstool, you will be part of that.

Speaker 8 Knowing you folks, if there's a football game, you'll know the whole thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's football the next night. There's matches the next night.

Speaker 8 Look, are you guys going to watch that debate or you don't even know it's up?

Speaker 2 It will maybe be on, but it's going to be football for the most part tonight.

Speaker 8 Yeah, well, that's a big game. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Philadelphia against the Washington football team.

Speaker 2 That's a big game. It's the Giants.
The Giants.

Speaker 8 Is it the Giants and the Washington football team?

Speaker 2 They're on the same team. Nope.
Giants and the Eagles.

Speaker 8 Big game.

Speaker 2 Big game.

Speaker 2 You've been looking forward to it all week.

Speaker 2 What's that? I said you've been looking forward to it all week. On the third try, you got the team.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8 You guys don't understand.

Speaker 8 I'll let you go in a second. You don't understand.
Like, today, with the debate, this is like, for me, this is like the,

Speaker 8 you know, the championship weekends in the NFL. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You pumped up.

Speaker 2 You got to make sure that you're ready to go. Nine o'clock.
It's very early. I mean,

Speaker 8 I'll try to fit in the Eagles game, but then I'll fall asleep immediately. So I'm going to watch the other thing.

Speaker 2 All right, Mr. Portnoy.
Thank you as always. Enjoy the debates tonight.
We love having you on, and we appreciate it. And good luck with the trying to get on the news.

Speaker 8 I'm going to keep trying.

Speaker 2 I love you guys. I love you.
Oh, wow. Thank you.
Appreciate that. Love you, too.

Speaker 8 I don't watch you anymore, but I love it.

Speaker 2 Mr.

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Speaker 2 Do these guys even know that the Giants didn't win? Well, you're here. We've landed at the end of the show, Firefest of the week.
And the Eagles have won the game. Daniel Jones just fumbled.

Speaker 2 The most predictable ending ever with the Daniel Jones fumble. Called it.
Hank called it. Great call, Hank.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 We also both won, Hank, because I had it to finish a parlay money line, and you had Giants to cover.

Speaker 7 Almost took a money line, would have been not feeling too good about myself. Shake it.

Speaker 2 Shake it. We've had a long week, Hank.
We sure have. We've really had a long week.
PTO Barnum has had a long week. And dude, we have.
PFD.

Speaker 2 But we're here. We're here.
So good job. All right.
rest of the week.

Speaker 2 Hit it, Hank. I like your hat, by the way, PFT.
Positive vibes only. That's what I'm trying to say.
And you got like a little bit of like a you have like a new age stormtroopers thing going.

Speaker 2 I don't like, I don't like it.

Speaker 2 No, it's a good like

Speaker 2 the Star Wars tone. Yes, yeah, they were the good guys, right?

Speaker 2 They were just following orders. We don't watch that nerd shit, so who cares? No, it's dork shit.
It's dork shit. Yeah.
Maybe we're talking about it.

Speaker 2 It would watch dork shit if we tried to like it. Yeah, baby Yoda is dork shit.
No, baby Yoda. I meant that as a compliment.
I want it on on the record. I think that's a cool look.
Thank you.

Speaker 7 One last reminder, rough round of tonight. Yes.
Play Barcelona. I'll be singing the anthem.
Big How will be singing the anthem. 10 for 10, win $25,000.

Speaker 7 My firefest of the week is

Speaker 7 Ria, my girlfriend, is having a little family Halloween shindig this weekend at her house on Long Island, and I don't know what I'm supposed to be yet.

Speaker 2 Still. On Long Island.
On Long Island. Yeah.
What do you mean you don't know who you're supposed to be?

Speaker 7 I need to get a costume.

Speaker 2 It's like a Halloween party. You should be Joe Exotic.
There'll be nine Joe Exotics there.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, you should be Doc Antle.

Speaker 5 No, no, be the husband.

Speaker 2 Got busted the other day. Yeah, he's

Speaker 2 problematic. That guy? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No chance you did anything. Turns out Doc Antle got in trouble for having a bunch of wildlife that he's supposed to be.
Oh, yeah. No, the wives are fine.

Speaker 2 Okay, so they were like, they came in, they're like, you can't have those lions, but the 10 wives

Speaker 2 that are all kind of borderline kidnapped? Yeah, you need to make sure that

Speaker 2 the locks were regulation on the wives, not on the animals. Got it, got it.
So he's done, yeah, who knows? So, so we need to figure out what a good Halloween costume is for you, Henry.

Speaker 2 That's pretty much the theme of this show today on Friday. Yeah, yeah, who knows? You should go as Marlow from Home Alone.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 I'd have to shave myself. You don't do anything.
Wait, what? You just woke up?

Speaker 7 No, I was. We were doing.

Speaker 7 Rude. All right.

Speaker 2 Any other suggestions?

Speaker 2 Let me see your face.

Speaker 2 Ooh. uh

Speaker 2 hmm

Speaker 2 what about

Speaker 2 what is that guy's name that one guy the one guy that he looks like uh oh the the guy from thomas middle ditch right you should do thomas middle ditch yeah you should be thomas middle bitch and just complain the whole

Speaker 2 thomas little bitch yeah and just be like oh my my tummy hurts oh no one's participating in my stool stream

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 Commissioner Hank. By the way, I'm making clown t-shirts of Commissioner Hank.
Thomas Little Bitch is a good... That would actually be a good costume, would it not? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You just be a little bitch on it.

Speaker 7 I don't know how many people have seen Silicon Valley, but I can just say that.

Speaker 2 You could just do it. You know what you do? Be Thomas Little Bitch and don't go to the party and be like, I'm being a little bitch.
Or just show up and be like, you know what? Just soda for me.

Speaker 2 Thanks. Yeah.
All right. I think we've given you enough to work with here.
Yeah. Thanks, guys.
Always, as always. Yeah.
No doubt.

Speaker 2 You should be someone who takes no notes very seriously and just wear a shitload of masks. Ooh.

Speaker 2 Then you don't have to talk to anyone.

Speaker 2 What's the plan here? Are we trying to be friendly to people?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I'm just going to get shit-faced.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Be the drunk guy. Yeah, be the drunk guy who takes COVID very seriously.
Or here's what you do. You just rub a bunch of poop all over your face, and then

Speaker 2 they'll be like, wait,

Speaker 2 wait, are you Gaz?

Speaker 2 Are you Gaz? And you'll be like, no.

Speaker 2 You'll be like, I'm shit-faced. Yeah.
That'll be fun. And then you'll get to explain that like 40 years from now when you're running for president.

Speaker 2 all right all right we're done that'll be good okay let's get some picks i think hank could be president you could be one day i mean you're kind of doing it with the stool streams thing whoppet master i was saying to billy billy was like i don't know do with my life i was like get into politics be president billy billy could definitely be a politician yeah

Speaker 2 absolutely for sure just stare straight ahead and he would definitely be taken down by like some prostitution rank what the fuck what you're horny no i'm not yeah you're you're you're someone on stream said they're gonna get billy a mail order abroad and i was like that's you definitely should Yeah,

Speaker 2 I want to. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 I was playing video games, and the chat was going, Billy, you need a girlfriend. I was like,

Speaker 5 I'm a strong, independent boy.

Speaker 2 Man, man.

Speaker 2 You would make Lincoln Chafee's frog scandal look like tiddly winks. I'm just spending time with myself.
I'm rediscovering myself right now.

Speaker 5 Playing video games. Right.

Speaker 2 Just run on. Oh, is that what you were doing last night?

Speaker 2 That's too nice. No, that was too nice.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. My Firefest is my elevator's broken again in my building.
Shit. So Leroy had to hold it for about sixteen hours overnight until today.

Speaker 2 I gotta figure out some sort of ramp or pulley system to lower Leroy down on on mornings like this,'cause I go to the elevator, I press it, he's on his leash already, and the elevator doesn't come, and there there's no worse walk of shame or satur walk than just looking at Leroy being like, Okay, buddy, we gotta walk back inside our apartment because you can't go outside and poop.

Speaker 2 He looks at me like, But this is when I shit. And he's right, that is usually when he shits.
But he held it for an extra, like, six hours or seven hours.

Speaker 2 I gotta to figure out a way to make Leroy get downstairs, five flights of narrow stairs.

Speaker 2 Hit the gym, bro.

Speaker 2 Get a litter box. Stop lifting.

Speaker 2 I did stop. I started again.
I restarted just for this such an occasion. Nice.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Maybe I can, if I get a long enough piece of plywood, I can just lay it down on every flight of stairs and have him walk down

Speaker 2 or slide down the flights of stairs. Yes.
Or maybe just put a trampoline outside and toss him out the window. Yes, that works too.
One of the two.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Any unconventional suggestions are appreciated.
Okay. What's that, Billy?

Speaker 2 Can't carry him? No, the actual lifts. He stopped lifts.
The staircase is too narrow. He actually doesn't fall.
He walks sideways. No, it's too narrow.
I'm telling you, it's a narrow staircase.

Speaker 2 I tried to do it one time.

Speaker 2 Him and I will not fit down the stairs together. Suss.
It won't happen. Suss.
It won't happen. I don't know what that means.

Speaker 2 All right, my Fire Fest is also 160 pounds. And he wiggles.
Big ass boy. Easy to squat.
My Fire Fest is

Speaker 2 the Big Ten is back. I am all in on Graham Mertz.

Speaker 2 And in conjunction with thinking that Wisconsin is going to win the Big Ten West and maybe even the Big Ten and maybe go to the college football playoff, I made a prediction today that totally won't blow up in my face, and that is that the Chicago Bears can win the NFC North.

Speaker 2 They can. And I

Speaker 2 actually believe all these things that I have just said. I've been saying to you that they haven't

Speaker 2 had a panic though. No, I don't like how you say it.
Super Bowl. I don't like how you say it.
Tampa. I don't like how you say it.
Can Can you imagine going to Tampa? Margaritas.

Speaker 2 I don't think. Is anyone going to the Super Bowl?

Speaker 2 Like, we're not going to the Super Bowl, right?

Speaker 2 I think some people will go to the Super Bowl. You can't keep people away from the Super Bowl, big cat.
I don't think media is going to the Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 Are we media? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What are they going to do? Ban us harder from Media Day? No, I think

Speaker 2 it's a great idea. No, like I don't know.
Wait, they don't know my face. That's true.

Speaker 2 I don't think Super Bowl is happening the way it usually does.

Speaker 2 It's definitely not going to be

Speaker 2 the same in terms of people down there for interviews.

Speaker 2 I don't think it's going to

Speaker 2 happen.

Speaker 2 That sort of thing.

Speaker 2 I had that realization earlier today. It's like, are we doing the Super Bowl? Why don't we just, why don't we set up a giant tent down there that has those dividing things in it so people can come in.

Speaker 2 We'll have our own media day. Let's go there two weeks before and we'll quarantine all the media together.

Speaker 2 We'll pay for like. And then we can all jerk each other off.
We'll play like a Vince Young Southwest flight. Yeah.
Charter one out of New York.

Speaker 2 Bring all the big wigs down there. Yeah, I don't know.
We'll see.

Speaker 2 Jake, why don't you give us your fire fest and then we'll finish with Billy and then we'll pick some balls and then we'll be on our way.

Speaker 6 So I city bike into work every day.

Speaker 2 Good for you, Cake. Thanks.

Speaker 6 And I was in mid-ride and the seat just plopped down to the bottom level.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it happens. It happens sometimes.

Speaker 2 You got to check before you get on. It was tight.
Yeah. I guess the screw was just loose.
Uh-huh. Could have been bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Cake. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Meet Billy, Billy. This come back 40 minutes later.

Speaker 5 I've been nice to you lately.

Speaker 2 Have you?

Speaker 2 What? Have you been nice to her? You act like that's a hard thing to do. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I haven't fucking wedged you in like three weeks, bro. All right, Billy, finish this off, then we'll do some numbers.

Speaker 5 I'm in midterms, I haven't really slept that much, so sorry if my jokes are bad.

Speaker 2 That's your fire fast, that's my firefest. I'm in midterms, okay.
I know, I like had

Speaker 5 2,000 words in eight hours yesterday.

Speaker 2 That's not that high of a rate. I'm going to take back to words per minute.
What? How many pages is 2,000 words? I don't know.

Speaker 5 I just wrote a 2,000-word essay over eight hours.

Speaker 2 About what? With breaks.

Speaker 2 About what?

Speaker 5 It was complicated. I don't even know what I wrote about.

Speaker 2 What was it about? What's the class?

Speaker 5 It was about cost-benefit analysis.

Speaker 2 Very confusing. Buying a hedgehog.

Speaker 5 My hedgehog's nine and one. Picked the Giants.
I was like, pick the Giants to cover. I was like, well, what are you doing, dude? And he was like, trust me.

Speaker 2 Do you, here's a cost-benefit. You should have done a whole cost-benefit analysis on the hedgehog? No, on every single night when you decide to play video games till 4 a.m.

Speaker 2 instead of doing your homework.

Speaker 5 I do my homework.

Speaker 2 That's a cost-benefit analysis.

Speaker 5 Cost-benefit analysis. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The cost. Twitch stream, get paid.
Homework.

Speaker 2 You pay to do. Billy.

Speaker 2 And there is Billy's cost-benefit analysis.

Speaker 2 You'd be making all my money doing that. Doing homework.
Shitty.

Speaker 5 I need to get my dork for when I run for president.

Speaker 2 True. How many words are you doing with block quotes? Because that's a really easy way to pad your stats.

Speaker 2 13 point font. 13-point font, block quotes.
Make them

Speaker 2 make the margins a little wider. Space between the paragraphs.
Use the word therefore every sentence. Yep.

Speaker 2 These are very good ideas. Also, accidentally make therefore two words and be like, oh, I didn't know it wasn't two words.
Here two for therefore.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Break a printer, put the writing in white and then write it so they can't see it, but ups your word count.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a good one. Oh, yeah, that's next level.
Nice. All right, hit the button.
Let's do this.

Speaker 2 Everyone, guess 18. 28.
8. 69.
Sticking with 8. 28.
Yeah, 8's going to hit at one point. I'm going to look like a genius.

Speaker 7 20.

Speaker 7 I've 21.

Speaker 2 So platypuses aren't actually the only mammal to lay eggs. There's also

Speaker 2 echiniquas.

Speaker 2 Why are you looking at me when I say that? 83.

Speaker 2 Echinaceas that also lay eggs.

Speaker 5 So if you heard any not

Speaker 2 right, I'm pretty sure that echinacea, that's just an ingredient in your pre-workout.

Speaker 5 Echinakia.

Speaker 2 All right, we'll see everyone Monday. Love you.
Enjoy your football. ByeRuffin'Rowdy, by rnr.com.
Love you guys.

Speaker 2 me

Speaker 2 We're talking away

Speaker 2 and though I don't know what I'm to say I'm saved anyway

Speaker 2 Today's another

Speaker 2 day to find you. Shy it away.

Speaker 2 Oh, I've been coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 2 Shy it away

Speaker 2 Oh, I've been coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 2 Take

Speaker 2 on

Speaker 2 me

Speaker 2 on

Speaker 2 you

Speaker 2 It's Pardon My Take presented by Far Stool Sports.