Matthew McConaughey, NFL Power Rankings And The Cowboys Disaster

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All right, ready, Hank?

Yep.

All right, here we go.

Three, two, one.

Oh, Billy's getting his pictures in early.

Billy's going to take ten pictures in the first few minutes.

All right, on today's part of my take, Billy's got to take...

How many pictures in during this show?

I just wanted to take a picture of you.

21?

That would be good.

Okay, three, two...

I thought it would be good.

All right, ready?

Three, two, one.

How many pictures?

We'll keep that in.

I'm going to take a picture of you. 21? That would be good.
Okay, three, two. I thought it would be good.
All right, ready? Three, two, one. How many pictures? We'll keep that in.
How many pictures are you supposed to take during this show? 21. 21.
I have 20 more. I imagine the 20 of them are going to be, or 18 of them are going to be in the first six minutes.
Over under was at 10 and a half. Yeah.
The point is so I can get the film developed today. So I can, we'll tweet out the 20 pictures.
Okay. Great.
Billy's photography. Perfect.
So you can't just take pictures of the floor. I know.
I'm. I wanted to get good one.
I'm clapping. Beautiful.
All right. On today's part of my take, we have Matthew McConaughey.
We tease this interview. It's fucking awesome.
50 minutes with the legend. We talk about his new memoir that's out now.
It is awesome awesome we got an advanced copy we we uh i'm not going to take full credit for reading the book but i perused it so that counts i read i read like 50 pages out of the book and it is a uh it's an easy read because you just imagine that you're hearing matthew mcconaughey say every sentence right and it feels like you're just being narrated the book. Very cool.
Very cool interview. It was one of those interviews I walked away just smiling at how awesome it was.
So get excited for that. We have the Cowboys dumpster fire, a little Monday night football cleanup.
We have Hot Seat Cool Throne. We're going to do some NFL power rankings after week six is in the books.
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Okay, let's go. Bye.
And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's Part of My Take presented by Bar School Sports Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App Go download it right now, use code BAR so you get $10 for free. $10 to the ASPCA.
Today is Wednesday, October 21st. Matthew McConaughey on the show.
Awesome interview coming up. But before we do that, the Dallas Cowboys are dead.
D-E-A-D, dead. Mike McCarthy.
It's very rare that you get a new coach who's an old coach six weeks into the season and there's already a mutiny he looks like he's given up so i think it was jane slater that tweeted out that the team was trying to keep things in house trying to not let things out and they did the opposite and they said our coaches just aren't very good they don't know how to coach they don't know how to make any sort of adjustments but that's mike mccarthy like that is the story of his

his career after the game last night it was so funny watching him in his post-game press conference

because he had the look of a guy that was trying to like sneak in and out of an adult novelty store

like a porn store he had this big jacket on he had his his uh cap pulled down like below his eyes

just hoping that he could get out of the building before he got fired that night and he had uh

Thank you. store he had this big jacket on he had his his uh cap pulled down like below his eyes just hoping that he could get out of the building before he got fired that night and he had uh he had the quote which is always there's two things that um will tell you that a coach is in trouble one is when they are they basically give the old-fashioned like my job is to coach this team i'm going to keep coaching this team till someone tells me i shouldn't coach this team anymore and number two is uh you should have seen us in practice and he had the number two the we we practiced great this week we thought our practice was awesome i mean i made the joke it's the mark trussman if you had seen the bears the 2014 bears in practice you would have thought that they were the 85 bears that's when a coach tells you that the practice is so much better than what you watch on sunday that's usually a good sign that things aren't going so hot well the practice couldn't have been any worse than what we saw on monday night it was i actually it was bad i felt bad and i went to sleep i felt i i was like you know what i'm not going to waste an hour of sleep to watch this fourth quarter when the cowboys are completely dead oh so for me that's the exact opposite of wasting an hour of my life that is the happiest i am Washington— Remember, I do have to wake up early.
That's right. Yeah, you have a kid.
Not me. I'm 27, so I can stay up late if I need to.
Yeah. And watching the Dallas Cowboys lose as a Washington football fan, that is my Super Bowl, seeing them get embarrassed in a primetime game.
They're so bad. They're ridiculously bad.
But spin zone, Jerry Jones just had his birthday.

They brought that up.

You were probably asleep already.

But do you know how old Jerry Jones is, if you were to guess?

75.

Yeah, he's 78. Jerry Jones, he looks great for 78 if we're living in the time of the Industrial Revolution.

He somehow, as a billionaire, looks 20 years older than he really is.

Well, it's the diminishing returns on plastic surgery if you get it plastic surgery is kind of like cocaine like the first one is great and then when you keep having to go back you're like well now my head hurts a smile on the face right and you just have to just sit there and keep doing plastic surgery to fix the other plastic surgery until you look like meg ryan he looks yeah it's the meg ryan effect absolutely yeah he um it's a combination of that and also just like pickling his entire body he's his body instead of like formaldehyde which is used to you know like keep mummies looking pristine he's just got johnny walker blue coursing through his veins and it's starting to seep out it's bad it's bad um so much for the andy dalton will run the offense uh as equal or if not better than Dak Prescott. That is not true.
I actually, it was so bad, I thought to myself, like, what if they just put a really good cast on Dak and every time that he was about to get sacked, he just went down? Like, just let him stand there, shotgun, throw the ball. I think it might have been better than Andy Dalton.
Or just Dak sitting down Indian style, like he's got a cramp. Right.
Like in the shotgun formation, just on his ass. I think that Dak Prescott not moving would be better than Andy Dalton.
Maybe put like a walking boot with some wheelies underneath, and he's just kind of wheeling around, throwing with one leg. I think that would have been better than Andy Dalton.
Or what about just a wheelchair yeah if you could play with a wheelchair it would have been better than annie don't never get tackled your knee never touches the ground i have an idea though uh ben dinucci no digucci i have an idea quarterback out of james madison to fix the cowboys i think the cowboys should trade for ryan fitzpatrick well it's interesting you brought that up i've seen a couple people suggest that i. I was saying the same thing, but for the Washington football team.
Anyone in the NFC East. Anyone in the NFC East should try to get Ryan Fitzpatrick.
And the reasoning is pretty simple. You can maybe win the division at 6-10.
Yes. 7-9, you're a lock.
Yes. And all you need to do is hope that the Fitzmagic times up perfectly at the start of the playoffs.
So maybe you win two playoff games with a weird couple of Fitzpatrick games back-to-back. Your team's not going to get that much better in the short term where wasting that potential high draft pick that you're not going to use on Trevor Lawrence because the Jets have a stranglehold on it.
You might as well try to make the playoffs, get a couple more games in under the belt, and just kind of let the tips fall where they may well more than that it's just the cowboys they have no offensive line and the besides maybe kirk cousins like the second worst guy to be behind a terrible offensive line is andy dalton he's the everything has to be right guy ryan fitzpatrick's the opposite ryan fitzpatrick doesn't need an offensive line ryan fitzpatrick just around with his head cut off, running over linebackers and throwing picks and throwing touchdowns. He's the perfect guy.
Maybe Case Keenum. Maybe go get Case Keenum, too.
He's another guy. They just let him run around.
You need someone like that, not Andy Dalton. It's the worst quarterback for that situation.
Yeah, I would say Russell Wilson is probably the all-time GOAT. He's-time about quarterback of having for having a shitty offensive line but yeah he's good guys that would be available i would say yeah case keenum's not bad what alex smith what trade for alex smith maybe behind a bad offensive line did you see what he said in the interview with svp yesterday he was saying essentially what you said the other week which was like he liked getting hit by aaron donnelly it's kind of messed up that he wore him like a backpack but he he enjoyed that sensation for a little bit yeah so the Cowboys are a dumpster fire um we didn't really learn anything from the Cardinals the other game now everyone is uh we get the other side of of being super fans of Josh Allen yes he played bad yes the Bills looked uh they have not looked great in the last two weeks.
It's just straight up. They have not looked great.
You know, he was knocked

off. Allen yes he played bad yes the Bills looked uh they have not looked great in the last two weeks it's just straight up

they have not looked great um

I you know he was not

going to be the MVP now he had

a great start to the year he's probably not going to be the

MVP now I think that's fair to say

there was it is Bills got a

Bills to me are a team that they're building

something and they're just not there yet

and they play you know they played the Chiefs

and they played the Titans on the weird COVID

Tuesday night game they look bad in both

those games they got to get back they got

Thank you. something and they're just not there yet.
And they played the Chiefs and they played the Titans on the weird COVID Tuesday night game. They look bad in both those games.
They got to get back. They got to get right.
They got to play some shit. They got to play the Jets.
Get that swag back. And then, you know, try to build off of that.
Yeah, I mean, you're right. It was two very good teams that they've had to play and that they haven't looked good against.
But if you're a really good team, you have to be able to you got to be competitive in one of those two games. And they were kind of competitive against the Chiefs at the end.
They brought it back a little bit. But it never felt like it was close.
That score was not indicative of how the game went. I'm going to chalk this performance by Josh Allen up to the rain.
It was a blustery day, and the precipitation was not conducive to Rocket being launched. So, Hank, don't.
Don't. Don't, Hank.
Don't. I won't.
Challenger. Say it was like the challenger, yeah.
Okay. Bills are still, like, they're going to be frisky.
They're going to be around. They're probably going to win the AFC East, but they need to figure out some stuff, especially on defense, if they want to be able to win some playoffs.
Okay, so that actually is a good segue because I – well, the Chiefs, by the way – well, let's do this. So I jotted down some power rankings.
There's seven power rankings, and I want you to critique and move around. I'll let you have final say on where the teams go.
So I have contenders, contenders with a pause, which is really just fraudulent contenders, but I don't want people to get mad at me for saying fraudulent. Can we do the – instead of contenders with a pause, can we rebrand that as how Chris Berman used to always refer to the Jags, the yeah buts? The yeah buts, okay.
The yeah buts. The yeah buts.
Good, not great teams. Bad, good teams.
I know I got those in lockdown. Good, bad teams.
Yep. Just straight up bad.
And then the NFC East. Okay.
So the NFC East is the seventh. That's just all the NFC East teams and the Jets.
That's like the circle of hell and Dante's Inferno that's just Satan's dick. Yes.
So contenders, I only have the Chiefs. I only have the Chiefs because I only feel like really, really confident that the Chiefs, if we're doing yeah, buts, I don't see a but with the Chiefs, especially when they just decided they were going to run the ball better than any team has ever run the ball against the Bills and be like, hey, we have Patrick Mahomes, but instead we'll just do this.
And oh, yeah, we have Le'Veon Bell coming soon as well. So I don't know what the Chiefs like.
Yeah, maybe you could say their defense, but they picked it up last year when they needed to. Okay, so my only problem with that is to be a contender, don't you have to have something that you're contending against? Oh, the only team that can beat the Chiefs is themselves.
Correct. Like when they overlooked the Raiders.
Like when Andy Reid didn't use any timeouts at the end of the first half. And everyone was like, what's going on? So it's the Chiefs against the Chiefs as the contenders.
So they're the contenders. Did you see, this is probably my favorite take quake of the year.

This lady on Twitter said, Andy Reid is the type of man that will make your thighs quake.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Okay.

I love that.

Was it Andy Reid's wife?

It was not Andy Reid's wife.

Was it like a chef at a steakhouse in Kansas City?

No. In fact, it's funny you brought that up because the only person or the only account that could tweet that out where it would make sense would be like a chicken restaurant.
Yes. Like, oh, no, here comes Andy.
He's about to demolish all this dark meat. Yes.
No, it was just strictly speaking about Andy Reid's dick game. Well, we did have wet walrus Andy Reid, which is a he's a sex symbol.
Let's just call it like it is. He's a sex symbol.
All right, so the next one is the yeah butts. For my yeah butts, I have Ravens, Packers.
Now, these are all really good teams, but you can say like, okay, who the Ravens beat? Like they played the contenders on Monday Night Football and they got killed by the Chiefs. So the Ravens, the Packers, the Seahawks, the Bucs, and the Steelers are my yeah butts.
I would bump the Steelers up to maybe contenders. Okay, I thought about this.
Contenders, asteris. And I love the Steelers, and I have a future on the Steelers to win the Super Bowl.
I think that they will get bumped up if they handle the Titans on Sunday. Okay.
Because if you look at who the Steelers have played, it's not a great – it's the Giants, it's the Texans, it's someone... Jake, pull that up for me.
Giants, Texans, no, they're playing the Titans. Oh, the Broncos with Jeff Driskell as quarterback.
And so, you know... Browns.
The Browns. I believe in the Steelers, personally, but I think that it's...
Until you become a contender, you have to have a signature win. That's why even the Bucs are down in the yeah, buts, because they have a signature win, but they also have two losses.
I did Mike Tomlin's quote about, I can't look past lunch. Can't look past lunch.
Which is the most relatable thing ever. At Titans, at Ravens.
So the Steelers could easily be in contender phase after these two weeks. I think that that's fair to be like, hey, this team's very, very good.
Let's see them beat a really good team as well. After that, their schedule is soft.
Cowboys, Bengals, Jags, Ravens again, then Washington. Okay.
But I'll put them in the contenders if they go 2-0 here. And again, I mean, I have a future on them.
I think the Steelers are very, very good. All right, so that's the yeah, buts.
Good, not great is where it gets tricky. Patriots, Bills, Browns, Bears, Titans, Raiders, Cardinals, Rams, Saints.
You've got too many teams in that division. That's kind of the whole NFL, though.
There's a logjam in your good, not great division. But that's kind of the whole NFL is that.
There are a lot of teams that certainly fall into that. I would bump a few of those down into the best bad teams.
The bad good teams. In my bad good teams, I would have the Saints, I would have the Rams, I would have the Patriots, the Browns, and the Colts.
Okay. The Bears...
No! I'm putting Bears up. I'm bumping Bears up to the yeah buts.
Don't do that. Bears are a yeah but team.
Big Cat, they're 5-1. So in my bad good teams, I had Colts, Dolphins, Panthers, 49ers.
I think the Dolphins are more of a good bad team. No, they're 3-3.
Yeah, they're good bad. And Tua.
Who'd they beat? Tua's going to be incredible. Who'd they beat? At San Fran.
They beat At San Fran. That's their signature win.
Smoked them. They did.
Smoked them. With a hurt Jimmy G.
Smoked them. Smoked them.
Good-bad team. All right, so yeah, the good-bad teams.
I have the Texans, the Lions, the Vikings, the Chargers, the Falcons, and Broncos. You left out the Panthers.
I think the Panthers are a good-bad team. I see.
I think they're a bad-good team. I think they're Teddy Bridgewater.
We don't respect them enough. No, they're a good, bad team.
The Raiders are definitely a good, bad team. Houston is the best good, bad team.
Correct. Because they're the worst of those teams, but they're also the best potentially.
And then bad teams are Jaguars and Bengals, and then the NFC East is seventh with Giants, Cowboys, Eagles, Washington football team, and Jets. Are they all tied?

The Jets are so bad I put them in the NFC East.

They're an honorary NFC East team.

Yeah, they should be in the NFC East.

I agree.

Well, I think the Jets are almost in a division all to themselves.

They're at the bottom of the NFC East, which is actually the worst place you

could be.

I have a hypothetical for you.

Yeah.

Do you think that Alabama football could beat the Jets if everybody on the Jets had mono? Would they be able to play? Yeah, yeah, they're allowed to play. Even though the spleen issue? And the spleen, yeah.
No. So there are some players that could die of a ruptured spleen? No.
I think they would. I don't think they would.
I think that a healthy Nick Saban coach... I think Clemson's better than Alabama.
Okay, so let's switch it up. Would you think thaton could beat the Jets if they all had mono? Yes.
Just not Bama. I agree with that.
Okay, what if Bama... Trevor Lawrence is both QBs.
All-time QB? Yeah. Jets win.
Okay, Trevor Lawrence has mono and just straight up against Alabama. Alabama.
Okay. Everyone on Alabama is taking steroids except for their quarterback and half the players on the Jets.
The Jets defense has mono. How many cycles? They've had three months.
Billy? I think the whole college NFL thing is 100% just blocking and tackling. What do you mean? Well, they invest so much more money in their bodies in the NFL that you have a lot of guys who are just so much more stronger, so much more faster.
Well, and also they're like a roster, a college roster, like has what? How many pros on it? A pro roster has all pros. Exactly.
Right, so it's also that. Fully healthy New York

Jets team versus Clemson

and Clemson's defense

is taking steroids but they're not getting

caught for it this time.

I think

the most balanced way

to play the pro versus college

would be pro only

can run like Army's

offense and college can do whatever. I still would take the pros.
Joe Flacco running the Army offense? Yes, still take the pros. I think that's more fair.
That would be fair. That would be very funny.
No forward passes. Army still passes.
Like three a game. Three a game and you have to throw left-handed.
And two of them have to be interceptions. I would love to see the Jets versus the best college team just to prove everyone who's ever had that debate for real so wrong.
Because it's a hilarious debate. They just run power every time.
They're just way bigger and stronger and better at every position. And just gash them.
Can you imagine how slow Joe Flacco would be if he had mono, though? Yeah, he would be slow. He would be like my speed.
Maybe he would. No, but maybe sometimes, you know, when you get sick and you have that little, you're starting to feel a little better and you feel like Superman.
Maybe he's got that. Right after you hit the Theraflu.
Yeah, you're like, ooh, man, I could run through a wall. Right.
And then it just kind of expires. Well, if Clemson kills.
Take a picture of yourself talking. If Clemson kills both all the quarterbacks that are listed for the game, then they have a chance.
Yeah. Now we're talking murder.
Straight up. Just straight up.
Weakness. We do have Thursday Night Football to look forward to this week, and it's NFC East Special Edition.
The NFC Beast Thursday Night NFL. It's Giants and Eagles.
I just think that Thursday night should be only NFC East games.

Play two of them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, the double football games, like, when we go back to one Monday night game, it's

really going to suck.

It really is going to suck.

We need to keep the double Monday night games.

By the way, we should at least mention, like, do you like the Tua move?

I like them going to Tua.

Yeah, I like it.

You might as well. Well, not only that, but you thought you were gonna suck you don't suck now you get to have two-a play meaningful football which is the best like that's the best case scenario for a rookie quarterback being in games that matter and you get to put ryan fitzpatrick on the trading block right i bet you that in the back of b Flores' mind, he was like, you know what? We might get some offers.
I have a take that's going to hurt myself, but I think the Colts would be better with Ryan Fitzpatrick. That would be wild.
Wouldn't it? That would be wild. Wouldn't it? Now that you're saying it, it kind of makes sense.
Yeah. It kind of makes sense.
It's great. It's actually great for Ryan Fitzpatrick because he wasn't able to have the balloon burst like usual.

Yeah.

So now we all are just left being like Fitzy, man.

We're left with a good taste in our mouth.

Yes.

Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Let's go.

That's what.

Yeah.

He should just he should mandate that any time that he gets to start, he gets to play against the Jets.

And then that'll be his last start of the season.

Yes.

And then boom. Another two year deal comes after him.
Exactly. We should respect the Cardinals a little bit.
Kyler Murray played well. He's getting shorter.
No, he's definitely getting shorter. He's getting shorter, but he's getting better.
Ezekiel Elliott, is he fat? I think Ezekiel Elliott might be fat now. Well, yeah, when he starts fumbling, he is.
And also, the nose ring's got to go when you fumble.

You've got to take it out.

You have to.

Scientifically, you're getting less oxygen into your brain if you have holes in your nose.

Not to mention, you're spending a fortune more on cocaine if you're Ezekiel Elliott

because you're just leaking like a sieve.

Yeah, I almost feel like he might have just fumbled on purpose

because he's like, I don't want to run behind this line.

Like, just bench me.

Yeah.

Bench me. Well, it was funny because they did, I think, was it Michelle Tafoya that interviewed him before the game? And he said, wait.
Lisa Salters. Thank you, Jake.
Jake moved faster than DK Metcalf when he heard me misidentify the reporter for ESPN. But Lisa Salters interviewed him and he said, yeah, I've had a couple fumbles, but I guarantee you I'm not fumbling again for the rest of the season.
And then, boom, two quick fumbles in the first quarter. Whoops.
Whoops. All right, so let's do hot seat, cool, thrown.
Before we do that, I'm going to chill out this weekend. We're going to get right back to the show.
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All right, hot seat cool thrown. Hank, why don't you get us going? My hot seat, I don't think he's on the hot seat personally,

but our good friend, recurring guest, Joe Buck,

I don't know if you guys saw this,

but some rat from the Fox Sports production crew

leaked audio of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman

talking in between when they were on commercial break,

talking about the flyover and how it's like a waste of jet fuel,

and Joe Buck said that you're hard-earned tax money and tax dollars at work. And so it's more that he's on the hot seat because this is the time of year when Joe Buck does a game every single night for like three weeks straight.
So that's enough to deal with on its own. And now he has to deal with all the backlash that's going to come from this.
But he didn't say anything wrong. Right.
But you know what I'm saying? Like he has to do every single night. It's not like he, it's not like a regular schedule where he has, you know, two games a week.
He has a game every single night. And then also it's one of those things where he didn't say anything wrong, but he's going to have to deal with it.
And it's just like, I don't get why someone would do that. Joe Buck, I'd like you to apologize to airplanes on behalf of America.
Come on, Joe. There's some things that are just objectively cool.
People are going to be like, you don't care about the troops type deal, but it's not. That's not what he's saying.
Right, and it's also not like he's right that it is a waste. I mean, it's cool.
Yes, it's cool. Flyovers are cool, but if you actually look at it, it's like, yeah, would probably would anyone notice if you didn't? No, but no chance.

I've also do it for big games.

And this is games like Army Navy.

The flyover is awesome.

This is when you get down into the weeds because some people are saying that, like, the the pilots have to have a certain amount of training hours behind the wheel of a plane or the joystick or whatever it is.

So you might as well just have them fly over.

Oh, OK, that makes sense.

And if that's two birds, one stone deal. I'm also I think that people would care less about it being a waste of taxpayer money if I got to know personally which flyover my money was paying for.
You know, like if it was like, oh, this is the PFT Cometor flyover using his tax dollars. Yeah.
At that point, I would be like, oh, yeah, totally good use of my tax money making my balls shake with a Mach 3 flyover. And then it's just Hank's tax money, and it's just like a wadded up piece of paper that someone tossed from the 300 level.
Yeah, Billy. I bet the pilots think it's really fun.
To fly? Yeah. I would say so.
I mean, that's probably why they got into flying. Well, more than like a desert.
Oh, yeah. No, over stadiums.
When they fly over a stadium, they don't see it. They're not like, oh, look, there's Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.
No, I think they look down. I would be so hyped.
The Army-Navy flyover is incredible because they have like helicopters going right over, like low. It's cool.
And they have like the cargo planes and shit, too. That shit's awesome.
You know what would be sick? If before a game, when they did the flyovers, if it was in a bomber plane, and they just released a football, like they were dropping a bomb, and tried to land the football as close to midfield that would be cool i mean that will probably be the future when when when jeff bezos owns the entire nfl and it's just amazon drones dropping your packages right before the game uh-huh that will happen uh all right good hot seat hank thanks dan uh my Hank. Cool.
Very cool. My cool throne is retro jerseys.
Yeah. NHL is bringing back retro jerseys for every team in the league this year.
So they're just jumping on the nostalgia train. Love it.
But if you love retro jerseys, you're on the cool throne. Yeah.
And Billy's Hedgehog is on the cool throne. The Canucks.
I don't know if I just took that from you. If I did, I'll save.
I'll wait. But.
What does Billy's hedgehog do? He's hot. Hot as shit.
8-1. 8-1? Yeah, my hedgehog's going off.
8-1. Damn.
That's pretty sick. The one bad, his one bad take was when he took the Packers to cover.
Ah. So he's pretty hot.
What's his name? Nostradamus. Oh, wow.
So he must be good. Did he also good Did he also take the afternoon game of Jets and Dolphins? No, he didn't take that game So you can just say he's 8-0 Besides the afternoon games In only the early games and primetime games He picks his games Like Leroy's 5-0 In Monday Night Football games That start before 8-30 Which Right.
Which is still pretty good. So he's on the cool throne.
Paid for himself. Nice.
Good job. Did he pay for himself? Yeah.
Okay. Now he did.
Good pick, Henry. Thank you.
Hank. Henry.
My hot seat is – well, I'm going to save this one hot seat for Big Cat because I know that you want to dive into this one but my hot seat is bevo bevo the mascot for the university of texas is getting sued oh so you remember a couple years ago when uh it was it was texas georgia yeah sugar bowl i believe and bevo went buck wild before the game and tried to get at bevo he ran into a photographer the photographer like tweeted out pictures of having scrapes and marks on his back. And then a couple years later, the photographer is suing Bevo.
He's suing Bevo's handlers. I think he's suing the University of Texas.
He's suing a lot of people. But this is the storyline that you would expect in a rejected season of Blue Mountain State, like suing a college football team's mascot.

But I'm very excited to see how it shakes out in court.

I feel like Bevo's the type of cow to settle.

You think so?

Yeah, they're going to settle that.

They should have Matthew McConaughey revise his role in Time to Kill

as the Lincoln lawyer or whatever

and represent Bevo in court.

There's no chance that a jury in Texas

would award a cent to that photographer. Yeah, no, Bevo's going to settle.
I think Bevo's going, there's no chance that a jury in Texas would award a sent to that photographer.

Yeah, no, Bevo's going to settle.

I think Bevo's going to get an NDA signed, all that shit.

Yeah, I just hope that they depose Bevo.

I wouldn't be shocked if Bevo's got a whole list of NDAs.

Yeah.

You know, people who just get roughed up by Bevo.

I think that that's like an asset,

to have a college football mascot that's liable

to just fuck some shit up at any given time. uh my cool throne is going to be tom brady oh tom brady and just really the city of tampa because tom brady is bringing championships left and right to tampa or at least participation in championships to uh to tampa florida tom brady is a good sports town.
Tom Brady is –

Hank, you actually got that stolen from me.

Did you tweet it?

No.

I sent it to PFT and then it manifested itself.

It like people were running – like Dickie V stole it.

They were running like a promo for it.

I think there was a blog on BarstoolSports.com.

You're the first person I heard say it.

Correct.

Yeah.

I mean, Fidelberg ran with it too.

That's kind of like a parallel mind situation.

We were kind of in the same headspace. And he's a blogger, so I had no qualms with that.
Well, my alternative theory is that maybe Giselle is just a good sports town. Also true.
Because she's Brazilian. They won a bunch of World Cups.
She probably doesn't live in Tampa Bay. They won World Cups.
And she wasn't around for the first. Oh, man.
Busted. When Boston won those, like, 2002, 2004.
Where was she in 2002, 2004? Not in Boston. Not with Tom.
Was she in Afghanistan while we were kicking the Taliban's ass? You don't know that. Was she in Germany when Germany was winning World Cups? You don't know that.
She might have been. I don't think so.
I'm guessing she was in Brazil. I'm just thinking that Giselle might be a good sports sound, too.
All right. My hot seat is Zoom and people masturbating on Zoom.
Jeffrey Tubman, Tubman, Tubman, Tubman, the Tubmeister, New Yorker and CNN legal analyst. Our legal analyst would never masturbate on Zoom.
He will pee on himself, but he will never masturbate on Zoom correct uh so what do we have a fine like a definitive he was 100 jerking off or was it he just flashed and didn't realize it was he hanging brain or was he well it's a fine line between touching your penis and masturbating where does that where's that line even begin right but does it do we have like details was he just sitting there cranking it or was he like changing all right so i did a little bit of research on this and allegedly what happened was uh they were the people at the new yorker were doing a simulated election where all the different writers and personalities at the new yorker were taking different sides of the electoral process and doing like a model un type thing which let's be fair that's more masturbatory than cranking your penis off until you ejaculate. But they broke out into like a little side session where the Democrats would strategize or Republicans would.
And then he was representing the courts during the breakout session. He allegedly was touching himself.
And then when they came back, his camera was on and he was just holding his hog. Got it.
And then some people thought he was jacking off. Who knows? He might've been, he might've had an itch.
So the only need to take care of the bottom line is if I, I think that if you work for the New Yorker in general and you're participating in one of these sessions, you got to assume that like, this is boring enough where if someone's cranking off, who cares? Well, the don't really understand is he he sounds like a little bit of a pervert big pervert alert little sex addict little dick what do you got a sex addiction addiction of sex uh but sex addicts perverts for the most part they always you can always spot them because on their laptops they have that little sliding thing that goes over the camera because they just assume that every time they jerk off which is like seven times a day they're being videotaped uh-huh so i it doesn't the whole thing doesn't just it smells suspect to me i feel like if he was a full-blown pervert he would have already had the means to to close out you know the uh camera so edward snow, big time jack off guy. Right, right.

He like lives on chat.

Jared Carabas, he's got one.

Yeah.

Huge jerk off guy.

Yeah.

I think just a good rule of thumb is never jack off at a computer.

Ever.

Ever?

Ever.

Ever.

Just use your imagination.

Or just put it to the side.

Back in my day.

That's all you got to do.

Just go back to buying magazines.

No one's ever been busted jacking off to a penthouse. Put it slightly to the side and you'll be set.
Hilarious story, though. I mean, ridiculous that that was a real story, especially someone who I'm assuming considers themselves very, very important and very professional.
Yes. If your avatar on Twitter is a cartoon that was drawn for you by the New Yorker.
Yeah, you're either a sports writer that hasn't updated their avatar.

My favorite is the sports writer that's 60 years old,

and they have the drawn picture of themselves when they were like 35.

Like, yeah, this is me.

No, not really.

It spins on people know what the New Yorker is again.

Yeah, yeah.

My cool throne is Clayton Kershaw, playoff Kershaw. So we're taking this before the game one.
He's pitching tonight. I'm just going to assume he shoved because he's awesome and nothing ever goes wrong for him in the playoffs.
But a little stat for everyone out there. In the last 25 years, the only starters who have more wins than Clayton Kershaw are Andy Pettit, steroids, and Justin Verlander, Astros cheating.
So Clayton Kershaw has the most wins in my book of any starter in the last 25 years since the wild card came around. So yeah, he might be the best postseason pitcher out there.
Of all time. Yeah.
What about the back spasms? He's been having some back spasms. Some back spasmsasm issues do those do those only flare up for him in the playoffs i know he's he's dealt with them for a long time back spasms are one of those things i don't really understand but um they sound like they're the most painful thing of all time uh yeah i have them they suck they're the worst and uh yeah he's uh he he's been he's been having these for a couple years now it sucks i hope he does well i if you're rooting against clayton kershaw at this point like we've kicked him enough.
He's been having these for a couple years now. It sucks.
I hope he does well. If you're rooting against Clayton Kershaw at this point, we've kicked him enough.
He's been down enough. Let's just hope he does well.
I'm agreeing with that. I'm rooting for the Dodgers.
Yes. In time of the sword, I tweeted the clip four years ago.
He said, if the Dodgers don't win the World Series, I'll kill myself. So I think that just still stands.
And then also Mookie. And Mookie.
Mookie's doing well, but spin zone, the Red Sox have enormous flexibility when it comes to their salary spending. Big time.
All right, Billy. My hot seat is Halloween.
Oh. Because, you know, as true it is to the hot seat, like, it could go either way.
Halloween could be awesome, or it could suck. It's on the hot seat because it could suck.

There won't be good parties or something?

Trick-or-treating? You can't touch stuff?

This is a classic. Billy had his

hot seat stolen by somebody.

He's filling in.

I have another hot seat. A busted toilet.

Who listening to this right now

do you think trick-or-treats?

I don't know.

Party.

Anyway.

Doorbells are going to be dirty.

Maybe a lot of people who are doing on the giving end of the trick-or-treating.

Yes.

There we go.

Dads.

Well, that's a cool throne because you don't have to deal with it.

Then you get all the candy for yourself.

Please take one.

Well, yeah.

My son is going to be Ultimate Warrior for Halloween.

It's fucking awesome.

I bought the costume.

It's going to be sick. And a little mini belt.
I need to figure something out for myself. I don't know.
Tweet recommendations. I'm going to like a family Halloween party.
You should go as a clown. You should go as a guy on vacation.
Tweet recommendations to us. No, that was me.
We're at the truce. And my cool throne is Titans Mike Vrabel For using a very crafty loophole In the rule book Interesting I wish we had thought of this To talk about it on Sunday night Did you listen to us Talking about this exact same thing On Sunday? You really think we weren't going to talk about it? Anyway Do you know that the show Also I had the hedgehog Okay your hedgehog I did listen on Sunday night I did listen on Sunday night.
I did listen on Sunday for Monday. He said the classic platypus lays eggs.
You just fast forward to the very end to see what the fun animal fact was. That's all you wanted to know.
Billy's theory of mine is like, well, if I'm not in the office, they probably don't do a show. No, I listened to it as much as I could.
you are you are like a mike vrabel yourself because you figured out a way to bend time and and do exactly what we did on sunday on tuesday night on my heels here when like everyone's taking my cool throne like who knew that it's good to have you back did you hear us making fun of jake because he was sitting in your seat yeah you can think of an animal fact that's true. Rivalry back on.
Love it. What about, I'll give you a cool throne.
Coaching search firms are on the cool throne. Because they make a lot of money for stuff that we could do? It's the best racket of all time.
Good job, Billy. Yes, exactly.
Coaching search firms are the best, and you're hearing the various NFL teams talking about using them. And there's a formula to them.
Yes, Ernie Acorsorsi. Yeah, Bob and I were just talking before the show, and we're like, it's a very specific formula.
You have to have the son of a former head coach. You have to have a head coach that's been out of the league for a couple years who made a Super Bowl.
You have to have— Old GM, Bill Pullian. You've got to have an old GM.
Yeah. Well, I'm talking about for the candidates that they'll pull up.
But yeah, Bill Pullian is on the search firm. Right, right.
He's like the guy that directs the search firm. But these are the names that you would pull up.
Oh, gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It would be like the son of a head coach, a former head coach that made a Super Bowl, a secretary of state, if you want to add in Condoleezza Rice or Henry Kissinger and you're feeling spicy. And then like one college coach who would never in a million years say yes.
And then a wild card that you end up hiring because he wowed you in the interview.

Yes.

Which would be Joe Brady this year. Out of the box.

Joe Brady is my guy who's going to wow somebody during an interview this year.

Yes, yes.

Another cool turn for you, Billy, is Rough and Rowdy.

Rough and Rowdy this Friday.

Yeah.

You can use the Play Barstool app to make your selections.

It's going to be awesome.

For the event.

Yeah.

You win $25,000. Why would you not take less than 60 seconds? How many fights do you have to get right? Five fights.
Five fights. Five fights, tens questions.
Awesome. Bobby Lang is probably the best fighter we've ever had.
Yes. He is a monster.
An absolute monster. He beat Travis Terman.
All right. Let's get to our interview.
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Here he is, Matthew McConaughey. Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest.
It is actor and now author Matthew McConaughey. His memoir is out October 20th.
It's called Green Lights. It is, I'll say it right now, the coolest memoir of all time because it is uh his life experience teaching you about uh how to live life how to be cool but more than anything you wrote it you had a journal for 35 years and then i read that you wrote it uh by going to the desert for 52 days without electricity is Is that true? The first 12 days were without electricity.

So I had a generator on me, and I pack up these 36 years worth of diaries.

I put them in the Navigator.

I buy 21 and 5 eighth inch ribeyes.

I Ziploc them.

I get my long branch. I get three five-g five gallon jugs of water and a generator and my laptop and a printer.
And I headed out to this cabin in the desert. So for the first 12 days were, that was me.
And then the other, the other places I went after that were in the desert, but I did leave the generator and got some AC power hookup. So I had a little electricity.
What was that like going back over the course of your life? I mean, most people don't keep a diary since the day that they're 15 years old or however young you were. Going back and reading that stuff, was that the first time that you'd sat down and read your thoughts? Yeah.
Yeah, it was. I mean, I write this in the book.
I always write things down not to remember. I write things down so I can forget them, you know, so I can go, oh, jotted that down.
Cool. Now I can forget it.
And that's what I've been doing since I was 14.

but I'll mind you the early stuff

at 14

I'm a 14 year old kid

right going to my

for this reason

that most people

go to their diary

to write about

the shitty stuff

to write about

oh you know

Gretchen broke up

with me

or you know

Kathy Cook

won't go out

with me

or this worked out

or I got to second base last night or some kind of thing like that. And then in my early 20s, I had a time where I was kind of rolling, catching a lot of green lights.
I was in college. My relationships were good, man.
I would think I was making a little money, had a little money in my pocket. And I said, you know what, McConaughey, go write in your diary now while you're rolling.
Go dissect this success you're having right now because you may get in a rut again, which I did, which we all do. And you can go back and look at what was I doing when I was rolling? Who was I hanging out with? Where was I going? What was I eating? What was I drinking? How was I seeing the world? And so that was something that I was happy I've done through my life.
I tried to write things down when things are going well because another rut's always coming. And if you keep track and make a little bit of it, there's a science to some satisfaction.
There's some habits that I've found that I've had that have helped me be more satisfied and they helped me get out of some of those ruts. What? So I'm, I'm very jealous that you've kept a diary for that long and you could go back and kind of read your own thoughts from each phase of your life.
What phase of your life or what age did you look back on? You're like, Ooh, kind of a loser, or I'm embarrassed by that. Cause I always think like myself as 23, I'm like, you did not know anything and you thought you knew everything.
Yeah. Well, there was, that was part of the, to answer your question a second ago, that was part of the fear of going back and looking at these diaries.
I was like, man, I'm going to be embarrassed. I'm going to be ashamed of this.
I'm going to be, see where I was an arrogant prick and thought I was a know all. But actually, you know, was silly as could be or was a foolish was foolish about it.
And look what happened in sitting down with the dice right in the book. A lot of the shit that I thought I was going to be embarrassed about actually just laughed at myself.
A lot of the stuff I thought I was going to be ashamed about actually forgave myself or found that, oh, I had already made amends for that. And a lot of the stuff that I thought I was arrogant about, I was.
And I was like, well, good for you at that age of thinking you were a know-it-all. And you ended up stepping in shit because you thought you were a know-it-all.
But look, you know what? You stepped in shit again and that was okay. So I'm glad you had the courage to think you were a know-it-all at that time because look at you you ate shit yeah because you thought you knew it all and that was good you know yeah was there a specific thing that looking back over your diaries you were like man i was i was really wrong about that and it actually ended up working out but not for the reasons that i thought it would um let me think man i mean do you guys read that scorpion spring story where where where i go i get this i get offered this uh i was i was in hollywood i'd already done days confused and i was about a year where i wasn't getting work i was getting the first callback second callback third callback but i wasn't getting the wasn't getting the job and it's because i was tight i was a a little, I wouldn't take enough chances.
Well, I get this blind offer to do this role. It's a one-day role.
It's of this guy who's a drug runner down on the South border and the coyotes are going to bring over his drugs. And instead of pay for him, he's going to steal the drugs, kill them all and move on.
Well, I get this bright idea in my head at the time that I'm not going to read the script. I'm not even going to read the scene.
I'm going to go back to how I first learned acting. Days confused, man.
There were only three lines. They were just throwing me in the middle of scenes and I improvised and worked for three weeks.
That's back when I was a natural, you know, and at this time in my life, when this happened, I was like trying to really study acting. I was like, forget this study.
And I'm going back. I'm not even reading the script.
I'm not even reading the scene. So I show up on the set, having not read the scene.
And I said, I'm just going to be my man. I'm going to do what my man would do.
All right. And right before we about to say action, this PA comes by and goes, you want to see the sides, Mr.
McConaughey, the sides of of the scene that day and I decide I want to see him looking back probably because I was getting a little insecure about this grand plan I had right well I open up the sides I look at him there's one page two page three page four pages of a monologue in Spanish and I'm like oh shit man And I felt this beat of sweat come up on the back of my neck. And I'm like, oh, shit, man.
And I felt this beat of sweat come up on the back of

my neck. And I'm like, can I get 12 minutes? And I don't know why I said 12 minutes.
I remember in

my mind at the time, I thought 12 minutes would be like not enough time to inconvenience the crew,

but enough time for me to go learn four pages of a monologue in Spanish because, hey, I took

Spanish one semester in the 11th grade. Yeah, great.
Well, guess what? It was not enough time to learn it in Spanish. I've never seen that movie.
I went back and did the take and was fucking embarrassed about that, man. It was uncomfortable.
I was stressed. I felt horrible about it.
And that actually, that moment is when I said, okay, bullshit. From now on, I'm going.
I'm going to out prepare people. I'm going to come in so prepared for scenes that you can call an audible, put a blindfold on me, wherever you want to drop me off in the world, press record.
I'll be my man. And that, that, that embarrassing moment, uh, is what made me really understand that, Hey, you got to prepare to be free.
You got to do the early work so you can do the early work so you can play on the day. Yeah, it's interesting.
You put that in your book. That's the same way in sports.
Yeah, you said be conservative early so that you can be liberal later, which I took to mean like put yourself in a situation where you have structure, you have boundaries as you're preparing to do something. And then when you you're in the moment you've got all the background already prepared for you've got the the guide rails that allow you to really that's it you know if you want to take the guide rails off later you can but it's better to have those in place than to just free wheel everything figure out the general set of rules up front you know what i mean if you want to if you if you want to do backflips in your sandbox we'll go rake it and check for glass and stuff first and then blow in the wind you know you want to um we look at it in sports man i mean you know you get a new defensive coordinator coming to a situation and he's got he's got all these complicated schemes he's got great athletes but if he's only there in year one you see those players hesitating on the field because they're thinking you don't want to be thinking when it's game time now so have the time to handle to take the time to really understand the rules and sort of what the general boundaries are you spend enough time doing that then you're then you're free to play yeah then you can do your backflip buck naked in your sandbox then you can call them all but then you can have your instincts you don't want to be thinking when you're when you're in the game whatever that game is it's absolutely true do you see it all the time in sports where the best players they're not thinking they're just reacting and they're just doing it second nature um how many times i didn't see this in the memoir how many times uh you you somehow omitted this but how many times during your diary going back were you like i think this is the year te Texas is back.
Like I'm really feeling it this year. You left that out.
I didn't see that part. Nice lead into these current times too.
Ah, yes. Well, they were back quite a few times.
They were there. They were present along my writing.
I've always been a Longhorn fan, even since I was 14 and started writing. And, you know, I was keeping diaries when we won national championship.
I was keeping diaries all the way through when we got to the national championship against BAM as well. And I still keep them.
So we got work to do as a team to get back where we need to be. Yeah.
Do you ever, when you give a pump-up speech, when they ask you to give a pump-up speech, you know, the let it fucking rip, man, which was maybe the coolest speech ever and you guys beat Notre Dame, do you feel extra pressure? Because if you give a great speech and you give, like, the Matthew McConaughey let it fucking rip, man, and then they suck, you're like, well, what the hell happened here, guys? Yeah. Well, look, me giving them a speech is not a magic bullet.
I mean, it's not a magician. I don't know.
That let it fucking rip speech, that was a magic bullet. Let it fucking rip, man.
Let it fucking rip. And then we scored some points and got off.
Yeah, we looked like we were off the chide and we were about to roll through the season, didn't we? Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. Here's the deal.
Here's the thing about talking to the teams, man, is you got to, for me, there's two things. I want to know, I like to talk to the coach first because I don't want to go in there, talk about conservatory, liberal, late and getting players confused.
I don't want to go in there with a completely different message than our coaches have been throwing at the baseline as a baseline message to the team. I don't want to think, I'm like, well, fuck, wait, is this a new plan? Is this a new way to go about things? So I want to get generally what be sort of synonymous with what the coaches are going for.
I also could try to get a read of the team. Look, man, the speech I'll give to the team after a 45 to six loss is different than what I'll say to the team going into the Big 12 championship.
You know, you get to a Big 12 championship, your team's confident. They don't need the rah-rah, let's get up.
They're going to be ants. You know what I mean? Let's just let this one be about, hey, maybe take everyone make sure and take 15 minutes tonight to think about how you got here.
To think about your brothers, sisters, mom and dad, grandmothers who watched you play, why you love the game of football. Think about it for a minute.
Think about this. So maybe it's a calming thing that is still challenging them.
But after a 45-3 loss, I remember this. I went and talked to a team early in Mack Brown's career, and we had just got waxed by UCLA.
And I remember being at practice, and the team's confidence was so low, man. And in practice, the team was applauding clean handoffs.
i was like applauding and clean handoff and and i remember max and man the team's morale and confidence is so low right now you know we we i mean a a a a completion for two yards we're going good job and he built them out of that now that's very different than talking to the national championship team about to go play usc that team's rolling man highly confident so what is your game plan know that you know finish every single play to you know until that things like that okay so the speeches are different for each time yeah how do you wear the team how do you time that out uh because if you're not familiar with the city of Austin, their practice field is right underneath the I 35 overpass. So it's not exactly the quietest part of town.
It's pretty noisy. Do you have to wait? And we say to yourself, like, we have to do this after rush hour.
Are you just out there like screaming over cars? It's whatever hour, man, when we're in that, it doesn't matter if there's 10,000, 18-wheelers coming down 35.

All the focus is right there on the field, and I'll speak over it.

Yeah.

I have one fact check to pull on your book.

I don't know how much fact checking went into it,

but you said towards the start of the book,

I have a lot of proof that the universe is conspiring to make me happy.

How can you possibly sit there and write that as a fan of the Washington football team? Good point. Doesn't add up.
Oh, right. Hey, we got time.
It's a hundred year war. Thousand year war.
We got time. Thousand year war.
Washington football team. Ah, you know, I've been a fan of the now russian football team up until recently uh it was called the washington redskin team you know i grew up outside of dallas um i was the only at that time redskin fan in texas man i mean i would go to i went to texas stadium in a chamois you know the chamois you drive your car with? I went with a chamois wrapped around my waist with nothing but my underwear on under it and a rope wrapped around my waist, painted burgundy, head to toe with a headdress on, and was on the 50-yard line in Texas Stadium when the Redskins played the Cowboys.
Was that four years ago? I wouldn't sneak out of church. Yeah, actually, I was about – I was in 1978, 79.
I was at the last game at RFK. I have a mason jar with burgundy soil, grass from the soil from the end zone last game of RFK.
First game at Jack Kent Cook. First game at FedEx Field.
I've, you know, where I grew up, wanted to be John Riggins, man. You know, 3.4 yards to carry the diesel named Desire Mr.
October, man. In the backyard, you couldn't get me down because I was John Rigo Riggins, man.
I grew up with the fun bunch. I chased down as a kid Daryl Green.
You know, look at what the Redskins have done. Look at what they did with quarterbacks.
Look what Joe Gibbs did with quarterbacks. From Jay Schrader to Rippon to Doug Williams.
Not journeymen that came in and were the right man for the job at that time. Yeah.
And along with as the 49ers, I mean, what was it, the 90s or the 80s that we basically sort of owned with the 49ers? Yeah. Hey, here we go.
Rebuilding again. Let's see, man.
We got to, you know, get the culture right over there. Now with the now called Washington football team.
What's the name going to be? What's the consensus out there? I'm pushing for Red Wolves. I'm pushing for the Washington Red Wolves.
I just think it would be cool that you got the teeth, you got all the fans in the stands just making big howling noises if they play a game when there's a full moon. That would be incredible.
You can't bet against them then. Here we go.
I like that. I just think that there are no professional football teams named after dogs, and everybody loves dogs, right? Yeah, but you've got to watch.
I mean, Red Bull is pretty aggressive. I mean, you can't have the poodles, you know what I mean? So, I mean, you've still got to go out there and have a pretty intimidating name.
Yeah, Red Bulls work. Call them the Wolf Pack.
Yeah, we were actually talking to the president of the Washington football team because I was born and raised in Northern Virginia, so I grew up watching those teams. and you're right.
Joe Gibbs does not get enough credit because I think he's the only head coach probably ever, probably from now, even until the history of the NFL is written that took three separate quarterbacks to three separate Superbowl titles. That's pretty much impossible to do, especially now.
And those quarterbacks didn't go on to be, you know, big. They weren't like first ballot Hall of Famers.

They weren't like guys like they weren't Brady's and Bate Manning's.

They were guys at the right time.

Second stringers that took it, took it, took the opportunity around with it.

You know?

Yeah.

This might be a weird question.

I'm sure you've been asked it before, but when did you find out that like you were just cool?

Like when was that moment?

Did you know early on?

Like I'm just cooler than people.

Like that laugh.

Oh man.

I mean,

I looked up to my,

I looked up to my big brother,

Pat,

and he was the coolest man.

I mean,

I write about it in the book.

He was my inspiration for Wooderson and days confused.

Now to this day, was he that guy? And he's like, you know, comes to me. Thanks a lot, man.
I'm like, no, dude, here's it was you. I remember mom and I went to go pick you up at school because your Z28, which is super fucking cool, was broke down and we were picking you up from school.
We couldn't find you because you weren't where you were supposed to meet us. And I'm in the back of the station wagon and I'm looking out and I see the silhouette of this dude leaning against a wall, brick wall in the shadow section of the smoking section at school.

He's got his left leg up, boot heel against the wall, hanging a cigarette and a lazy right hand, bringing it up, toking it.

And I go, there's Pat. And I had to because i knew mom he'd get in trouble for smoking but it was my brother and man in that image of my eyes outside the back of that station wagon he was cooler than james dean he was 10 feet tall man he was the stud and so that's who sort of watersome based on we've been taught look i I think what's cool.
Here's what's cool. Being yourself and being being cool with yourself and just not trying to be everything to everybody or trying.
You know, I got no problem with nerds. I just don't like dorks.
Dork tries to be everything to everybody. You can't really trust them.
Yep. I know some nerds that are real cool.
I know some very cool nerds, but I'm not a fan of of dork give me an asshole before you give me a dork at least i know where the asshole stand yeah you know what i mean i like that by the way you told a great story in your memoir uh about your brother pat who was adopted and your parents said every year like let's you know go see your adopted you know your birth your birth parents and he said no no no and then when he was 19 he's like all right let's go do it he shows up he goes inside meets him comes back out in two minutes and your parents like what's going on pat he's like i just wanted to make sure my dad wasn't going bald because i'm starting to my hair started and that was it they that was the only time he saw his birth parents that's it that's going to see him again want to see him again. All right, that's cool.
That was cool. That's cool.
That's really cool. One of the coolest things that you wrote in this book was a story about when you traded in your truck.
You thought you had all the answers at that point. You realized very quickly that you didn't.
I actually think that story, it's a nice allegory, not just in sports but in life. But if you want to kind of give the background of what you learned from that, I think that's really interesting.
Yeah. So this is a good topic on cool, too, on what's cool and what's not cool.
So I got a truck in high school. I'm the guy who parks in the first parking lot.
I got a speaker down in the grill in the front of the truck in the morning when all the students are going up to the class through the first parking lot. I'm the guy that's down there going, oh, look at Kathy Cook's jeans this morning.
Looking good. And everyone turns around and goes, where's that coming from? And Kathy Cook gets embarrassed and we all laugh.
Then I pop up and they know it's me and we're all having fun. I'm the guy that danced at the party.
I'm the guy that no matter what time we got to the concert, I'm going to take my date. We're going to work our ass up to the front row and go rock.
Well, I'm driving down the road one day in my truck and I go by this Nissan dealership and I see this candy red 300 ZX sports car. I said, I just got to pull in there, man, and have a look at that.
Well, it was hot shit. And then the guy was really motivated to sell it.
And I never had a sports car. And on the spot, I traded him in my truck for that red 300ZX.

Cut to the next day.

I'm not parking the first parking lot.

I'm parking the third parking lot.

So, you know, nobody opened the doors and dent my candy red 300ZX, man.

I'm also noticing that I think my car is such hot shit that I'm just going to get out and lean against that son of a bitch and just be cool and go look at me and my new red 300zx with t-tops how cool am I you became a dork well the girls got disinterested huh you became kind of a dork when you got the cool car became kind of a dork relying on my car yeah you know looking in the proverb in the proverbial mirror at myself, letting, wanting my car to do the work for me. Yeah.
Well, the girls got pretty disinterested pretty quickly. And when I'm saying in the after school, you want to go ride around with me and my red 300ZX with the T-tops down, they're like going, no, we're going to go mudding with Trey Hickman.
Like we used to do with you. Well, after about a month and a half things dry up for me man the

chicks are not digging me and my red sports car that i'm leaning against in the third parking lot and i realized dude you you you you coup de garage yourself you outfoxed yourself this fucking red sports car is just talk about it's blue balling you man you you got to get rid of this son of a bitch. So I went down and traded it in, back in for my truck, drove my truck back to school the next day, parked in that first parking lot, got on my megaphone, started chasing and being the fun guy again, engaged, and I was back in with the girls.
That fucking red sports car almost screwed me for a while, man. I love it.
But that was one of those deals. I was trying too hard.
I wasn't working. I wasn't hustling.
I quit hustling. I got the red sports car.
I thought I could do the work. I think it's a great story.
It reminds me of what we talk about on this show with Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Dolphins. You could put two in right now.
He's your sports car. But Ryan Fitzpatrick's fun.
He's a truck. You never know what you're going to get with him.
Don't take Ryan Fitzpatrick away from us just yet. Run him until he's got 300,000 miles him then go get that sports car out right right heard yeah heard we're gonna get back to mcconaughey in just a second but first this interview is being brought to you by our good friends over at roman swipes most guys have tried different ways to last longer in bed but counting backwards from 10 doesn't always work saying the pledge of allegiance in your head doesn't always work thinking about baseball doesn't always work.
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done a million movies they're all i mean you've done some unbelievable movies you won an oscar

you had your rom-com stretch did you have a moment where you're like i'm just gonna start making

i've done the rom-com thing and now i'm just gonna make kick-ass movies that everyone's like

these are incredible and i'm an incredible off uh actor did you have that moment in your head

I'm sorry. you're like i'm just gonna start making i've done the rom-com thing and now i'm just gonna make kick-ass movies that everyone's like these are incredible and i'm an incredible off uh actor did you have that moment in your head where the you flip the switch no here's what happened here's what happened so i'm rolling the rom-coms they're very successful i'm the rom-com guy i took the baton from hugh grant years before and ran with it right yep they're fun they easy.
I like doing them. They're paying well.
They're paying for the rent of my house on the beach that I'm running around surfing shirtless on. I'm like going, hell yeah.
But around that time, I've met Camilla, my now wife, and we made a baby and had Levi's. I got a newborn.
All of a sudden, man, my life is more full than it's ever been. My life is vital, man.
I've had a newborn. I'm finally a father.
I've met the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I get, you know, I laugh louder.
I love harder. I get to have more rage.
I have more joy. Life is just full, man.
And the ceiling and the basement of how I'm feeling, life is alive. But in my work, I'm feeling kind of like, yeah, I could get another rom-com.
I could do that tomorrow morning. I didn't, I wasn't feeling the vitality I need.
I wasn't feeling challenged by it. So I said, I wonder if I can find some work that can challenge the vitality of my life that I'm living in right now and the man I am in it.
Well, that I wanted to do to challenge that was not getting offered to me those movies I wanted to do they were like no not with you McConaughey you're the rom-com shirtless guy uh you're not we're not gonna let you do this movie okay so I said if I can't do what I want to do I'm gonna quit doing what I've been doing and I remember talking with my money man saying hey I'm about stop doing rom-coms and those things that are often offered to me. How am I? How do I handle my money? Because you handle your money well.
You can take off work for a while. I check with my agent.
I check with Camilla, man, drop many a tear on her shoulder going, I'm about to stop doing what I've been doing. And I don't know how long I'm going to go with that work.
This could go on for a while. I'm going to get wobbly.
You know what I mean? Jeez, am I going to, you know, with no work and no significance to pursue every day? Am I going to, you know, am I going to start wanting to have a drink earlier in the day? You know what I mean? What's going to, what's good? I'm going to need, I'm going to need to keep my, stay on the rails here. I'm going to need your, need your help with just not being able to work.
You know what I mean? And man gets, man gets significance from his work and I'm choosing to say no more work. Well, for six months, nothing came in but rom-com, uh, offers.
And I got to tell you a funny story about this. So like how puritanical was I about not doing these? This one comes in for $8 million offer.
I read it. It's pretty good, but it's a rom-com.
I say, no, comes back to $10 million offer. I say, no, it comes back to $12.5 million offer, uh, dot, dot, dot.
No, comes back at a $14.5 million offer. What do I say? Let me read that son of a bitch again i read it and i read it and it was the exact same words as the original one right but man it was better written it was funnier more dramatic i had more angles on this thing i could make this work it was the same words as the original offer but a much more well well-written script at that offer.
Anyway, I passed. When I passed on that, Hollywood sort of got the signal, okay, McConaughey's not bullshitting.
He's not doing the rom-coms or the action comedies anymore. So another year goes by, nothing comes in.
Nothing comes in. I talk to my agent every couple of weeks, and it's just like nothing, nothing.
A total of 20 months went by and all of a sudden Killer Joe comes my way. Mud comes my way.
Magic Mike comes my way. Paperboy, True Detective.
I can get Dallas Buyers Club made. All of a sudden these movies and this run that I went on come to me.
So why? Well I unbranded in that 20 months. You didn't see me.
the industry didn't see me as a rom-com guy you didn't see me in the tabloid shirtless on the beach so all of a sudden matthew mcconaughey for this dramatic role is now a new novel good idea and and i good idea that i wouldn't have been 20 months prior yeah so i unbranded to rebrand basically that's did you You had to know how long it was going to get yeah i mean that takes a lot of guts and it takes a lot of like 14 and a half million dollars i i will say you still have a little bit of the brand because i was looking up your imdb and the third thing you're most known for is habitually taking off his shirt yes guilty you're a shirt off guy you're a jr smith and we'll yeah yeah you too i mean and i was a shirt off guy since i was since i was born i never wore a shirt as a kid i mean ever i remember uh um i used to play in the front play in the front yard in uvalde on getty street it's a busy street in town and i'd be out front and be in my in my you know diapers There's no shirt, no no shirt, no shoes. And I was kind of a chubby little kid, right? And my oldest brother, Rooster, and his friends knew at this time of the day I would be playing out front.
And I'm like four years old. And he had this Chrysler.
And him and his buddies would get in it. And they'd drive.
And they knew I'd be out in the front yard. So about a half a mile down driving by, they start going.

until they got right in front of me and go no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

fat man and i'd see junk rocks out there across the street and they

drive by calling fat man to the Batman theme, man, every damn day. Yes, I was.
If I can go to weather where I don't have to wear a shirt. Yes, you're damn right.
So did you have to consciously make an effort to like when you leave the house, you got to put a shirt on today, Matthew, because you might get your picture taken. And then, boom the rom-com guy again well i mean you know shit i became conscious you know i became conscious that at that time that became a thing all right i didn't don't regret doing it and i was going you damn right those rom-coms i'm doing i said pay for the rent that let me live on this in a house that's beach where I can go shirtless.
Now, I don't know about you when you're on the beach, don't you like going shirtless? Yeah, so do I. So that's what I was doing.
Now, I noticed that it became a thing though. And when it became a thing that the industry and maybe even most of the public excluded me from thinking I could be right for these other roles, that's when I was like, oh, okay, I'll hang on a minute.

Let me be aware enough to go.

Maybe I need to recalibrate here and play this game a little differently.

Like I said, I couldn't do what I wanted to do,

but I said, okay, I'm going to quit giving them that

because that's feeding into that pigeonhole that they're putting me in.

So I consciously said, all right, I'm going to play this joke with God.

I'm going to play a different hand here.

As far as the movies that you've been in, do you watch them in theaters? No. I haven't even seen all my movies, man.
I love making them more than I love watching them. This movie you probably don't get asked about often, but I have to ask.
Two for the money. Two for the money, yeah.
Did you do any research? Yeah. So we actually work with the guy who it's about stew finer who is okay al pacino we we do the sports advisor show

it's actually a parody now of the original sports advisors where we're terrible gamblers but we give

out picks every week and it's ridiculous and it's stupid and stew we basically brought stew

back from the dead uh did you watch any of the original sports advisors to get like a feel

I'm sorry. every week and it's ridiculous and it's stupid and stew we basically brought stew back from the dead uh did you watch any of the original sports advisors to get like a feel of what they were doing back in the day yeah yeah i i did i watched a lot i interviewed a lot i talked to my brother i got a story in the book about it my pat my brother middle brother man p.a.t he had it he He had this one guy that he went on a 27-2 run.

He was. middle brother man p-a-t he had it he had this one guy that he went on a 27 and two run he talked about it hot and i saw him and and i remember you know when someone told him around in the middle of that run you don't want to you don't want to find out their picks when they're 27 and two you want to find out their picks when they're like you know six and oh and then ride Well, we were were all going to Pat going, hey, what are the picks, man? And he was rolling.
And obviously when you're rolling, you start betting more. And I think it was that 30th game after 27-2 that he loaded up on an absolute diamond pick, man.
Absolute diamond lock. He bet the house.
Bet the house. And the team got got it was like a 17 point favorite they got waxed by 20 oh well stew's still doing his thing he's still giving out mortal locks and uh they're not doing well but he's still doing his thing you got we'll say we'll get it to you it's it's a it's a trip to watch him like because it really is kind of a parody of what he used to do but he used to do it for real and what the whole movie's about of guys trying to get other people to buy their picks and to be like i got the lock of the century don't worry like i've done all the research when really it's just kind of making shit up as you go along well i've heard things of you know what you know that story about the which team and let's you know put two bowls of dog food see which one the dog goes to after the line i mean after vegas makes that line now there are you i talk about in the book i love the intangibles yes you know yes i don't like going to a tout service because i just want to sit there i like the fun of when i think and believe that you know uh miami's gonna be jet lagged against sam fran and they come out slow in the first half and end up and sam fran ends up covering i'm like i can do it dude no shit man jet lag man they're constipated they can't run around they flew in late they flew in on saturday instead of last wednesday or brett farve dad just passed away oh he's playing for more than the game he's gonna be unconscious tonight boom well you know didn't i love going do it yeah yeah one of the best one of the best bets i've ever made in my life was after bevo passed whichever the last one was and you had you had to bet on Texas when Bevo passes away.
And they won. That's it.
Bevo passes away. Good reason to win.
Sylvester Stallone opens up Lincoln Stadium for the Philadelphia Eagles. Yes.
The brand new stadium. Do not bet on Philadelphia on Monday night because all the attention is on fucking Rocky Balboa.
And, wow, isn't this stadium cool? And none of that shit has to do with the game on the field. But you, I actually have a tweet.
I went and looked. I Google searched how many times I've mentioned you.
I have a tweet. You fucked me when you wore your orange tuxedo against Kansas State.
And I have a tweet being like, could someone have told me McConaughey was sitting on the fucking bench in his orange tuxedo? My bet is fucked. Like, you were the minister of morale.
Yeah, you covered. Minister of culture.
I was fucked. You fucked me on that one.
Yeah, I was bringing about a four and a half point advantage there. Yes, yes, yes.
Absolutely. There's a part of the book that it says that you bet on the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl.
Oh, shit fire fire, yes. You missed? What went into that? What intangibles did you crunch in your head? You were just like, they're due, right? You were thinking, they can't lose again.
I mean, to the charm, Jim Kelly, Andre Reid, Thurman Thomas, they got waxed last year. They made it back this year.
The Cowboys, I mean, they're calling the Cowboys like this dynasty. And I mean, and the night before, my brother and I had rolled on the blackjack table.
So our pockets were full, relatively speaking, for us. And we were going to let it all hang out on this day.
So the line was huge. And while we were there in Vegas, the line jumped up even like we found this one place that

the line was two and a half points more than anywhere else i think it got up to like 12 or maybe even 14 i don't remember what it was so we load up on everything the buffalo billionaires you could i mean eight to one thurman thomas will have more than emmett uh andre's gonna have more than Irvin,

6-1,

Jim Kelly over Aikman,

12-1, I, everything. Bruce Smith, the MVP.
And the Bills come out looking good. I think they were up, right? Yeah.
And we're dancing by doubles, man. Not just for us, but for the whole damn bar.
Lock. Well, as you know, the second half of cowboys came out and waxed them and and covered and i remember i remember walking out of there you know that numb feeling because we got so high with the we've done it we knew it we figured that we we're gonna win we're gonna dance way back.
We might even upgrade the first class to fly home.

And then all of a sudden, whoop, and two coolers, gone.

I remember we get out, we get out,

and we're now catching a cab back to the Holiday Inn where we're staying.

And this dirty, dusty-ass cab pulls up.

And we get in the back.

I'm looking out the back left window.

My brother Pat's looking out the back right window,

just kind of licking our wounds, man.

Now the buzz is turning to hangover, and we're getting really tired. Greg is starting to sweat.
I'm not even hungry. Our stomachs are too turned to even eat.
And we're like, ah, dry mouth. This sucks.
And all of a sudden, we hear this voice, this guy, and he goes, Oh, you bet on the bills, did you? We look up, and it's this cabbie, bigy kind of dirty you look in the rear of your mirror he goes yeah fucking losers could have told you that anybody betting on the bills against the cowboys you're fucking losers cowboys were a lock my brother pat just goes oh yeah motherfucker if you fucking knew it what are you doing driving a fucking cab yes yes it was like oh man it was it was it was such a moment my brother was so hot but it was really a opportune comment at the time you can't say that to somebody if you can tell that they just lost you can't be like yeah it was a lock in retrospect you just described basically every day for me on twitter because every day after a game kicks off everyone's like you bet that you fucking idiot like this was guaranteed to go the other way well thanks man it's already the third quarter well after the fact we all knew it you know that's what's fun about gambling you know after it's done sure you knew it yeah you know so you don't put any stock at at all in animals betting because my dog is 3-0 on Monday Night Football right now. 3-0 in games that start before 8.30 on Monday Night Football.
So if you're looking for somebody to tail right now, I feel like my Mastiff is off to a hot start. He might go 27-2.
I trust animals. Give me some tips, man.
I trust the animal instinct to a certain point. We had a goldfish that went 60% couple years ago over the course of a whole season season you can make a living you can make a living on that yeah yeah absolutely um there was there was one quote that you put in your book that you did not expand on and i'm curious to to hear the entire backstory behind this you just kind of this is like a throwaway line if you're matthew mcconaughey this is how cool you are you can just toss this out here and forget that you even said it.
You said, I've done peyote in Rio de Catorce, Mexico, in a cage with a mountain lion. Yeah.
And you just moved on from that. What's the story? How did that go down? Well, I'm in Rio de Catorce, and I'd gone off on a sunrise walk with the shaman.
And was very in a very cool way that a shaman can do slowly disseminating the peyote as we hiked up this huge mountain that took hours to hike up and it was an awesome walk and it was an awesome return and when I got back down uh on the property there was this he had this mountain in his cage. And I get up next to the cage and under so-said influences of such peyote, I'm getting on the same frequency of the mountain lion.
And the mountain lion is getting on the same frequency as McConaughey. And so now this mountain lion is up next to the gate and kind of just sticking whiskers through.
And I'm scratching his underbelly. And so I get confident that me and this mountain lion are on the same frequency.
So I move over to the gate and enter So Said Cage. Mountain lion jumps around.
I move very slowly, making sure to stay on the same frequency as So Said Mountain Lion. I move over to the corner, slowly sit down.
For about an hour, this mountain lion parries back and forth and slowly starts getting a little bit closer and a little bit closer and a little bit closer until he comes up next to me and gets very close to my hand, wanting to get some more itches under his chin like he did when I was outside of the cage i slowly give him a little scratch i don't intrude his space i lean back

now after that that son of a bitch is sitting in my lap purring and i sat there for another

hour and a half spent about four hours total in the cage then slowly got up and went my way and

it was a really incredible experience is that one that you look back on in the diary and you're like

Thank you. Spent about four hours total in the cage, then slowly got up and went my way.
And it was a really incredible experience. Is that one that you look back on in the diary and you're like, you're scared for yourself in the past reading it sober? No, no, no.
I mean, no, I was, I was, you know, if you, I don't know if you've ever done a peyote trip with just peyote and water. And if you do it the right way with the shaman, I would say I was incredibly sober.
I wasn't out of my mind at all. If anything, I was more in tune than normal.
That's a great thing about peyote done the right way. No, I don't look back on that at all.
I look back on that and go, if anything, if you look through the book, there's times I've taken what would be a considered risk that absolutely paid off. I would have regretted my instincts that I could make that work if I wouldn't have gone in.
Just like that wrestling match in Africa. If I wouldn't have said yes to that challenge, I'd regret that to this day.
And by saying yes to that challenge gave me he's given me gifts since because of the people i met the lessons i learned uh all kinds of stuff it's also you kind of have like an out there where if things go wrong and matthew mcconaughey dies uh tripping on peyote by a mountain lion like that's pretty's pretty much the coolest way to die. You're a legend forever right there.
So there's nothing but upside. Yeah, I mean, you know, and it'd be part of the food chain.
Right. If I can go, I hope that's how it is.
I hope it's not by a random drive-by. Right.
You live forever. I'd rather go move on as part of the food chain.
Yeah, you live forever in that respect. There's probably also an element of the mountain lion just understanding that this was Matthew McConaughey.
He's pretty cool. Like, oh, this guy, this is the dude from the Lincoln commercials.
Yeah. This guy sits in his car and looks at longhorn bulls in the middle of the road and doesn't go around them.
He decides to let them have the right-of-way, turns around and goes his own way. Yeah.
yeah plays pool while everyone's sitting at a dinner party and he's just cool about it sinks trick shots in the other room while the rest of the people are in there having a dinner party do you write do you do you have anything to do with the creatives of those because it's very mcconaughey to do an ad where you'll see guys do ads and you'll be like oh they're selling out you somehow do ads that are like oh that's just mcconaughey being cool i didn't even realize it was an ad well that was the goal i mean look we got together i do work on those ads with them i mean we got together early on and said look i'm not gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna play a cool mcconaughey i'm gonna move deliberately. I'm going to move slowly cool McConaughey.
I'm going to move deliberately. I'm going to move slowly.
Me, like the Lincoln, I need to move deliberately. I need to move with identity and confidence to always take my time.
And so then that led to, well, let's not be really loud in the commercial. Let's not make it really packed.
We actually looked at the market and said that all the ads out there are so damn loud. Can we make something that actually cuts through all that with the silence? And I remember the first ad we came out

with, you know, playing them on Sundays during NFL football and everything, then all of a sudden

dropped down. And I remember at a bar and I remember people turning around to the TV, like

they were interrupted by the silence of the ad. And then all of a sudden we're drawn to it and so we got fortunate that they stuck and now you know they can come on and in about three seconds you kind of know even before i show up oh this is going to be on connie lincoln ad yeah you know just by the sound design and how quiet is the tone, the pace of the shots, you know.

Well, I want to thank you personally because I have a running joke

that I'm trying to get Jeff Fisher another job coaching.

It's been going on for probably about four years now,

and I use the sometimes you've got to go back to actually move forward

for every single one.

It's always the same.

So that has – if Jeff Fisher ever gets a job,

you're partially to thank for that. you via well via you okay via me yeah okay via us yes it's perfect that i don't know i actually got the idea because someone it got taken down but someone made that uh with harbaugh when he went back to michigan because it was like the.
After he got hired, they made the hype video. Sometimes you got to go back to actually move forward.
And I was like, oh, my God, this is like I have chills up and down my spine. And so then I was like, let me just do this for Jeff Fisher, even though he has no relation to any of these teams.
I just fucking threw it in there being like, yeah, just because there's something about the glory days when you're trying to recapture like a team's you know it could work for texas you're trying to go back to move forward you're trying to get those glory days back go but like i was saying earlier man about writing diaries about not only when you're losing write them down write write stuff down and dissect the six dissect the success right go write in your journal when things are going well so you can look back and go, oh, yeah, I see what I was. Oh, I'm not doing that anymore.
I took that for granted. Oh, I'm complacent in that area.
Oh, I see. It can be a good map for going how do I get back on track and have more success or satisfaction.
Yeah. I've tried to journal in previous careers.
It was like highly recommended to me to keep a diary, keep a journal every day, write down what worked, what didn't work. But there's nothing more daunting than just sitting down and looking at an empty page.
And then it's like, where do you start describing your day? So when you start describing your day in your journal, are you are you just like listing out the things that happen? Or how much writing does it take for you to get into the real introspective parts?

No, I mean, sometimes it's just a word.

It's something I'll hear somebody say.

It's something I'll say that off the cuff and someone will go, oh, and I'll go, what

did I just say?

And I'll go, well, I'm going to write that down.

I didn't even think about saying it.

And I said that.

And it's a phrase that'll capture something.

It's why I love when I talk about bumper stickers.

Bumper stickers don't, they're kind of informal, cool ways to, they let you know who the

Thank you. saying it and I said that and it's a it's a phrase that'll capture something it's why I love when I talk about bumper stickers bumper stickers don't they're kind of informal cool ways to they let you know who the hell is behind the behind the wheel man they tell you their politics they tell you if they got a family they tell you what denomination they are they tell you if they're pro guns or not they tell you if their kids are an honor roll student or a badass they you can learn so much from a damn bumper sticker doesn't doesn't tell you what to do.
And it's a very informal way of learning a lot through a certain sort of bumper sticker stereotype of situation. And then pull up and have a look at the people in the car and see if they match what that bumper sticker looks like.
How much did they match what was in your mind about how you thought they were going to look? Or you see people next to you at the red light and you look at them and you get an idea of who they are and then they pull forward and then you look at their bumper sticker. Does it match what their bumper sticker is? You know what I mean? So I'll have ideas, you know, and work off of, that's why I call bumper stickers in the book.
I'll have a one-liner that I'm like, oh, that applies to a lot. Let me take that out into my life and see how I can apply that aphorism.

Once you know it's black, it's not near as dark.

Well, that's basically a bumper sticker for saying,

hey, COVID sucks.

Let's admit it sucks.

It's here for a while.

So let's get on with it. Because I know it's black.

Now that I'm admitting it's black,

it ain't near as dark.

So you can apply it to many things.

Blew my mind.

How many times a day do you say things and then have other people tell you what you just said should be a bumper sticker? Because I've just picked out like four or five. I'm told I'm pretty good at it.
Yeah. I mean, I'm told I'm pretty good at slogans.
I know I'm good. I've always been told I'm good at nicknames after I get to know somebody.
I don't know. I love boiling things down.
I'll read a story. I'll read, you know, an article.
And then I love deconstructing down like what is three words or a one liner or a cool way to phrase that entire article in a way that is affirmative, that feels like a verb, that feels like a bumper sticker.

I love to boil things down and deconstruct things down to a one line,

a one word, you know?

Do you read books? And that sounds musical.

I like lyrics.

I love music.

So, like, I think of them as, like, lyrics, you know?

Are you a book guy?

Am I what guy?

A book guy.

Do you read books?

No, not really. Mostly like a- I'm a very, very slow reader, and I haven't read many books, actually, in my life.
We weren't really pressed to read by my parents. My mom was very much a, you know, we couldn't watch TV, really couldn't read a lot.
She was always like, why read about or watch somebody do something that you can just get your ass out there and go do yourself. She was always real active, go out and go do it, go experience it, get into life.
So we weren't raised to read much. And then as I got older, I tried to read and I still do read, but I'm a very, very slow reader.
And the reason is, I think, say, if I'm reading, you know, philosophy or some motivation or something, I'll read, man. You ever read Emerson's essay on self-reliance? Yeah, I did in college.
Dude, it's wicked badass. It's so it's so damn good.
Well, I've read that twice, but it's taken me 20 years to read it twice, even though it's only like 15 pages. The reason is I'll read one paragraph and go, whoa, oh, that's heavy, dude.
I'm going to take that paragraph into life every day and see if I can apply it and see what the reverb is. See if it pays me back.
See if my life changed a little bit. See if my interactions change.
the way I see the world change world changed a little bit and i'll work on that damn thing for a month that one paragraph before i can move on to the next one so i'm a very slow reader in that respect so i would assume though uh green lights your your memoir which is out october 20th there's going to be an audiobook which will be the greatest audiobook of all time if you narrate it correct i performed it yeah i mean that's i just did it the other day i just did the other day i don't know how that's not like the best audiobook of all time already just with your voice telling your stories i would imagine that's i mean that's how do you not get that how do you not get that it was fun man it was fun and i get to play you know like all the stories these stories and most of these stories in the book i perform them I tell them at dinner parties I tell them around the campfire I've told them I perform them so you're getting my innuendo when my voice goes up and you're getting my voices when I do the Australians etc etc but then I had to go to the written word you don't get all that right so I thought right in the book that I could record myself telling the best version of the story and just transcribe that to the page.

And that would be the best version on the page. It was not.

It was 30 percent too long. The written word, the written stories are 30 percent shorter than the performed vocal stories.
So when I did the audio book, I got to play the voices, play the characters, give you the little pauses the non-verbal cues whatever that is yeah so being able to perform it uh the stories was was a whole lot of fun it was probably my favorite read of the book for me when i got to read it out loud yeah and review those times and perform them all in sequence through the entire book i'd imagine all right so i had one last question i uh found this i i love the scene in wolf of wall street when you do the the chest bumping and then i read a story that you that actually you do that before you go and act every single time to pump yourself up yeah so can we do that once can we just do it you want to do the wolf of wall street one no or the one or just the matthew mcconnell whatever you're feeling right now because you said you do it in a different

like tune or or whatever you're feeling

Oh, yeah. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Oh, yeah, we do that all day.

Oh, man.

What was that bird?

That was a cool bird.

Yeah, that's fucking sick.

I'll do that before, you know, before I'm going to go give a speech.

I get you get nervous or something.

Try it.

It'll get you out of your head.

And it'll sort of also doing that on your chest will lower your voice and relax you. And it makes people go, what the fuck is he doing? Which is also a good tool because they think you're out of your mind, which is usually somewhat true, which gives you an advantage when you go do what you do because you feel like you're on an island.
Also, just the human body craves contact. So you start slapping yourself around a little bit.
You're like, OK, now I'm living. Yeah.
This is life. Get the blood flowing, man.
Oh, love it. I love it.
Well, this has been awesome, Matthew. Everything we wanted and more.
Everyone go buy Green Lights out October 20th. Your memoir.
Great read. Great listen when the audio book comes out.
And thank you so much. We really appreciate it, man.
I enjoyed it, man. Y'all have a great one.
Let me know those picks, wherever your dog picks for Monday Night Football, alright? And if Jeff Fisher comes around, let me know. I'll tweet it at you.
And good luck trying to get Texas back. I don't know if that'll ever happen, but you'll see.
And we'll make the Red Wolves happen, too. Yeah.
We be in process. We be in process.
Hook'em. Alright, see you, man.
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Check out the DudeBombs. Use promo code use promo code take 10 get 10 off your order at dude products.com that's dude products.com promo code take 10 you're gonna get 10 off okay let's wrap up the show guys on chicks henry away you go sucks that the bachelorette is on tuesday nights now yeah i'm gonna watch the bachelorette tonight you know what i might do fuck it your boy might fuck around and write a bachelorette blog oh wow you're going in on trent's turf going back in it well i'm gonna do it differently than trent okay i'll let trent get his out first no i'm just gonna do it i'm gonna approach it a little bit differently okay i could never i could never touch Luggage Guy's blog.
Go, Hank.

Why?

I guess I'm not doing a blog anymore

since Big Cat made me feel

like shit about it.

Well, no, you should do a blog.

I won't blog it.

No, I don't want to...

There are certain people

at this office that they're like...

I don't want to...

That's their life.

I don't want to...

I don't want to encroach

on Trent's blog.

I just thought it would be good

to give my thoughts on the back.

Blog it, blog it, blog it.

You know what?

Blog it on Thursdays.

Yeah, I'll do the DVR.

Yeah, do it. Blog it.
You know what? Blog it on Thursdays. Yeah, I'll do the DVR Bachelorette recap blog.
Do it two days later. That would be perfect.
That's what I'll do. Okay.
Yes. There.
Maybe I'll review Trent's blog. That would be good, too.
Okay. Boom.
And then it's just a bunch of hyperlinks back to Trent's blog. There you go.
The ecosystem feeds on itself. This comment by Trent was really spot on.
Yeah. Hyperlink Trent's blog.
Yeah, my countdown of the 10 best parts of Trent's blog about to batch threat. Why when my husband goes to grab slash slap my butt, he always tries to slip a finger somewhere? I feel like a little grab and go would suffice.
He's a little credit card swipe? Well, the finger is different than the swipe. Dingleberries? He's just checking the oil.
That's what we call it. Take a look at the dipstick.
Nothing's more romantic than checking your wife's butt for dingleberries. I honestly think that this is him trying to just slowly push the boundary until you accept other things.
Yeah, line stepper. I think if you're not into you're not into it, you got to shut him down earlier or else he'll never learn.

Yep.

Should I tell my boyfriend yes to having a threesome?

Yes.

But then say you met with two guys, right?

Done.

Makes a difference.

Just flip it on and be like, oh, that's not the type of threesome you wanted?

Okay.

But yes.

Sup, boys?

Just be cool about it.

Just do it. Why not? It's such a weird question to ask your wife.
Yeah. It's just a weird question in general.
You got to ask that. We have a threesome.
I think. I'm calling bullshit on.
Girlfriend not wife. Yeah.
But it's also like threesome is. I think you either know you don't.
Like I don't think you have the conversation like hey let's have a three.'s either like, hey, this is something that will be in the cards or is in the cards or it's not.

But you know what?

It's the perfect excuse to get out of a relationship.

Right.

Because if you say yes, you want a threesome and then you have the threesome, then you'd be like, you know what?

I'm not cut out for the single life right now.

Right. So if you're looking to get out, then yeah, maybe get laid.

One, like go out in a blaze of glory.

Have great sacks and be like, see ya. I like it.
Sup boys, especially Jeep Wrangler hating Hank. Is that true? Yeah, remember Mel Rushmore? Oh yeah.
I'm single for my birthday. That's a callback.
I'm single for my birthday this year and I'm turning 26 in about two weeks. Your PFT's age.
Any tips on how I can finesse a guy into sending me flowers slash food send to yourself yeah it's a power move send it to your own office in yeah in the office setting yeah let everyone know send multiple yeah yeah i'm dating around but you can have some too send yourself like a order of cookies or cake yeah and then share that with everybody yep send yourself a card with like a thousand dollars

cash in it like wow this is awesome what a birthday hi big that's not lonely at all

send yourself money go to the atm pay a four dollar withdrawal fee send yourself five hundred

cash hey big cat playoff pft and frog lover billy my boyfriend and i play together in a co-ed

softball league he's a really great loving guy but he gets way too competitive at these games oh you think he's also blowing our budget buying arm sleeves eye black batting gloves sunglasses and his mullet haircut so he can look like chris bryant the problem is that he's one of the worst players in the entire league he always makes mistakes in the infield but he refuses to give up position he gets base. He points and blows kisses to the sky like he's Big Poppy.
Yesterday, he struck out, and I saw people laughing at him. I have not played competitive softball at any level, and yet I have not struck out at all this season.
Last week, he almost caused us to forfeit when a batter hit the ball too hard back at him, and he refused to keep pitching until the guy apologized. He's been thrown out of two games this season, and it's really embarrassing having to leave with him while he's still yelling at the umpire from the parking lot.
I feel like I should say something, but I don't want to crush him. What should I do? How do I fix this? Please help.
At this point, I actually think what you just described, it might be a cry for help. He might be like, I want to stop playing.
I keep trying to get kicked out of games, striking out. Someone say something.
This guy actually seems like the coolest guy ever. He's like Kenny Powers.
Yeah, exactly. He's been watching too much Eastbound and Down.
He's also delusional. I would recommend dosing him with either some sort of sedative or maybe 3G, maybe just like weed before the game.
Try to meld them out a little bit.

Just get them in a video game so at least when he's spazzing out,

it happens within your own house.

Yeah, the worst guys in intramural sports are batting glove guy who sucks

and mouth guard guy who sucks in basketball.

If you're one of those guys, it's just you can't do it.

You can't do it.

You've got to pick something else because everyone's laughing at you. I've got another guy that really stinks the uh high sock guy in kickball yes yes big time big time hey guys how do i slash should i even bring up to my boyfriend that i don't like a girlfriend of his because i'm convinced she's in love with him i've never had an issue with any of my boyfriend's other friends, but I have felt the same way since I met her

a year ago. She had a boyfriend for

a sec, but doesn't anymore.

Now she sees my boyfriend more than I do because

we are long distance in the pandemic,

but they live and work in the same

area. Also,

can I unfollow her on Instagram?

Thanks. Yeah, so you're not as sneaky

as you think you are because the guy absolutely

already knows that you hate this girl.

It's so easy to tell when a girl

is talking about one of your friends that she does not care for because she will have the smile on her face that makes her look like a serial killer from a movie she's like oh that's so cute that she's coming over and um just he knows he knows i think the only solution here is that you got to have a threesome with them and then afterwards be like, she kind of sucked at sex. That's the only way.
Need some input from PFT. My boyfriend has been in our words, WFT team his whole life and every week.
He tells himself he won't get upset at their games, but still does. We recently moved to Baltimore, and he always jokingly says he will switch to a Ravens fan but hasn't yet.
I think he should switch teams and move for a competent franchise, but he tells me he can't. Any advice? P.S.
Go Duke. Would you rather have a Washington football team fan that kind of gets a little bit upset but is used to losing for three hours a week on Sundays or a guy whose entire lifestyle becomes wearing purple, gray, and black camo cargo shorts like six days a week.
And fighting with me online. Fighting with Big Cat online and just getting pissed off and just smelling like crab chips all day and mispronouncing his L's.
Because if you switch to becoming a Ravens fan, it's a much heavier commitment than casually hating the rest of the game. Don't forget excusing Ray Lewis.
Oh, yeah. Then you have to have all these counter arguments ready for when people bring up Ray Lewis or Ray Rice.
It just becomes exhausting at that point. That's a lot.
That's a lot of work. Yeah, he's going to have to get a Joe Flacco poster.
Yep, it's a lot of work. I would much rather just deal with having a football team fan that has false hope every Sunday.
My boyfriend is partially deaf. How do I get his attention when he's watching football without screaming and pissing off our neighbors? I feel like that's something he should have figured out.
Got to get a laser pointer and just shine it in his eyes occasionally. Pots and pans.
Or just laser and shine it onto your nipples. And that's good for a laugh.
Or just turn off the TV.

Sup boys, especially.

Have you heard about this new CIA device?

I read about this last night. This shit's crazy.

It'll blow your mind. The CIA and the Russian version of the CIA, the KGB

has this new weapon where

they can fire it at somebody and

it gives you a pounding headache

and makes you throw up, but you can't hear it.

You can't feel it. They can hit you from outside of a building with it.
You should get one of those. It gives you PMS.
It gives guys PMS when you hit them with it. Get one of those.
Weren't they doing that in Cuba? Allegedly. There was some sound type stuff that they were using.
It seems pretty badass. I found a drawer full of bottles of piss in my boyfriend's dresser.

I'm too afraid to ask him about it.

Should I just assume he's too lazy to go to the bathroom late at night?

What's there to ask?

Like, hey, the only question you should ask is, do you need me to throw out your piss

for you?

That's really the only question there.

There's no other question.

Every guy has a drawer filled with piss bottle and a rug that they jack off onto.

I actually have a briefcase.

I have a briefcase full of piss.

I mean, I had a piss bottle or two that kind of fell down between the bed and the wall back when I was in college. That's what, like, college, I remember, because it was like the bathroom was really far away.
It really depends. College is disgusting.
It really depends how far away like yeah caleb and roan do these the concussion protocol videos and like they're on campuses and they'll have b-roll of these college apartments and i just like shudder and i remember like how disgusting my college apartment was that's just you just don't realize it at the time you don't care why would you care so just him. Women progress in life a little bit faster than men.

Let him have his piss drawer.

Hey, boys.

Mainly handsome Hank.

My boyfriend is pretty out of shape. I don't know why you mainly attacked me.

But not a fan.

Not fat.

But he has love handles, a small gut, and pretty skinny undefined arms.

Couldn't be me.

Whenever I suggest he works out, he claims that he has functional athleticism. It doesn't need to work out because he's good at sports.
Again, none of this could be me. Whenever I suggest he works out, he claims that he has functional athleticism and doesn't need to work out because he's good at sports.
Again, none of this could be me. Could not be me.
He says that guys who are jacked are bad at sports, and that's the reason they work out. Is there any truth to this? Yes.
Guys who work out too much suck at sports. They can't shoot a basketball.
They can't throw a ball. They can't muscle balance.
It's absolutely true. the problem with your boyfriend here is um his functional athleticism was it wasn't high school well yeah exactly it's like he thinks he has it but he might not have you need so really yes he is right but you need to basically give him a test like an aptitude test once a year to make sure he still has his functional athleticism.
Because if he doesn't, he will then go to the gym. Like if you throw a ball to him and he doesn't catch it, he'll be like, oh, fuck.
You need to put him through a combine, a boyfriend combine. So Rhea, here's what you do.
You just test him once a year, maybe when you're on one of your vacations, and you have him play beard eye and spike ball. And as long as he doesn't injure himself doing either one of those two things, then yes, Hank still has his functional athleticism.
Wait, can you ask this person that wrote in how long it's been since he won a regional wiffleball tournament? Because if it's been longer than a couple of years. It was corona this summer.
It didn't happen. How many 16-year-olds did you beat to win that? We actually beat guys older than us, but we ran through a few 12-year-old teams to get to the championship.
Was there ever a moment you're like, wait, we're playing 12-year-olds? No. Absolutely not.
Win at all costs. Alright, is that it? That's it.
Alright, let's do a number to end the show. Great show.
We're sticking with 8. By the way, we did a hand shuffle so we'll see if it makes a difference.

Okay, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight.

Oh, so the lower numbers went up

to the top. Oh.
Wombats

poop cube shape poop.

Can you hit this? Can you hit this?

We're on the wrong side, by the way.

Can you hit it? Eight, eight, eight. I'll go

44. Oh, the button.

Just hit one.

44.

44. I've learned it.
Just hit one. 44.
44.

I have four.

I have four.

69. Will we ever get it? Oh.
Oh, two balls at once. 38.
38. Okay.
Fuck. All right.
Live to see another day. All right.
See everyone on Friday. Love you guys.
Bye. I'm coming for your love again Take on me Take me on Take me on I'll be gone And after your heart So needless to say I'm going to say it Thank you.
It's the better to be saved than something. Take on me Take on me Take on me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me