Matthew McConaughey, NFL Power Rankings And The Cowboys Disaster

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Speaker 1 Alright, ready, Hank? Yep. All right, here we go.
Three, two, one. Oh, Billy's getting his pictures in early.
Billy's going to take 10 pictures in the first minute.

Speaker 1 All right, on today's part of my take, Billy's got to take how many pictures in during this show? Just wanted to take a picture just to get a little bit of a picture. 21? That would be good.

Speaker 1 Okay, three, two.

Speaker 1 All right, ready? Three, two, one.

Speaker 1 How many pictures, we'll keep that in. How many pictures are you supposed to take during this show? 21.

Speaker 1 21. I have 20 more.
I imagine the 20 of them are going to be, or 18 of them are going to be in the first six minutes. Over-under was at 10 and a half.
Yeah, he's going to get the best.

Speaker 1 The point is, so I can get the film developed today. So I can, we'll tweet out the 20 pictures because rate Billy is photography.
Perfect. So you can't just take pictures of the floor.
I know.

Speaker 1 I wanted to get good one of them clapping. Beautiful.
All right. On today's part of my take, we have Matthew McConaughey.
We teased this interview. It's fucking awesome.
50 Minutes with the legend.

Speaker 1 We talk about his new memoir that's out now.

Speaker 1 It is awesome. Awesome.
We got an advanced copy.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to take full credit for reading the book, but I perused it, so that counts.

Speaker 1 I read like 50 pages out of the book, and

Speaker 1 it's an easy read because you just imagine that you're hearing Matthew McConaughey say every single.

Speaker 1 And it feels like you're just being narrated. The book.
Very cool, very cool interview.

Speaker 1 It was one of those interviews I walked away just smiling at how awesome it was. So get excited for that.
We have the Cowboys dumpster fire, a little Monday night football cleanup.

Speaker 1 We have hot seat cool throne. We're going to do some NFL power rankings after week six is in the books.
We've got Guys on Chicks.

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Okay,

Speaker 1 let's go.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all on the sun.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna ride down to Elaine. Shake high.
My take. Presented by Bar.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
Use code BAR so you get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, October 21st.

Speaker 1 Matthew McConaughey on the show. Awesome interview coming up.
But before we do that, the Dallas Cowboys are dead. D-E-A-D dead.
Mike McCarthy.

Speaker 1 It's very rare that you get a new coach who's an old coach six weeks into the season and there's already a mutiny. He looks like he's given up.

Speaker 1 So I think it was Jane Slater that tweeted out that the team was trying to keep things in-house, trying to not let things out. And they did the opposite.

Speaker 1 And they said, our coaches just aren't very good. They don't know how to coach.
They don't know how to make any sort of adjustments. But that's Mike McCarthy.
Like, that is the story of his career.

Speaker 1 After the game last night, it was so funny watching him in his post-game press conference because he had the look of a guy that was trying to sneak in and out of an adult novelty store, like a porn store.

Speaker 1 He had this big jacket on. He had his cap pulled down below his eyes, just hoping that he could get out of the building before he got fired that night.
And

Speaker 1 he had the quote, which is always, there's two things that

Speaker 1 will tell you that a coach is in trouble. One is when

Speaker 1 they basically give the old-fashioned, like, my job is to coach this team. I'm going to keep coaching this team until someone tells me I shouldn't coach this team anymore.
And number two is,

Speaker 1 you should have seen us in practice. And he had the number two.

Speaker 1 We practiced great this week. We thought our practice was awesome.
I mean, I made the joke, it's the Mark Tressman.

Speaker 1 If you had seen the Bears, the 2014 Bears in practice, you would have thought that they were the 85 Bears.

Speaker 1 That's when a coach tells you that the practice is so much better than what you watch on Sunday, that's usually a good sign that things aren't going so hot.

Speaker 1 Well, the practice couldn't have been any worse than what we saw on Monday night. It was, I actually, it was bad.
I felt bad. I went to sleep.

Speaker 1 I was like, you know what? I'm not going to waste an hour of sleep to watch this fourth quarter when the Cowboys are completely dead.

Speaker 1 Oh, so for me, that's the exact opposite of wasting an hour of my life. That is the happiest I am, especially as a Washington.
You do have to wake up early. That's right.
Yeah, you have a kid.

Speaker 1 Not me. I'm 27, so I can stay up late if I need to.

Speaker 1 And watching the Dallas Cowboys lose as a Washington football fan, that is my Super Bowl. Seeing them get embarrassed in a prime time game.
They're so bad.

Speaker 1 They're ridiculously bad. But spin zone, Jerry Jones just had his birthday.
They brought that up. You were probably asleep already.
But do you know how old Jerry Jones is? If you were to guess, 75.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's 78. Jerry Jones,

Speaker 1 he looks great for 78.

Speaker 1 If we're living in the time of the Industrial Revolution, he somehow, as a billionaire, looks 20 years older than he really is. Well, it's the diminishing returns on plastic surgery.

Speaker 1 If you get plastic surgery, it's kind of like cocaine. Like, the first one is great, and then when you keep having to go back, you're like, well, now my head hurts.

Speaker 1 It puts a smile on your face almost. Right, and you just have to just sit there and keep doing plastic surgery to fix the other plastic surgery until you look like Meg Ryan.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's the Meg Ryan effect. Absolutely.
Yeah, he it's a combination of that and also just like pickling his entire body.

Speaker 1 His body, instead of like formaldehyde, which is used to keep mummies looking pristine, he's just got Johnny Walker Blue coursing through his veins. And it's starting to seep out a little bit.

Speaker 1 It's bad. It's bad.

Speaker 1 So much for the Andy Dalton who were on the offense

Speaker 1 as equal or if not better than Dak Prescott. That is not true.
I actually, it was so bad. I thought to myself, like,

Speaker 1 what if they just put a really good cast on Dak and every time that he was about to get sacked, he just went down. Like, just let him stand there, shotgun, throw the ball.

Speaker 1 I think it might have been better than Andy Dalton. Or just Dak sitting down Indian style.
Like, he's got a cramp. Right.
Like in the shotgun formation, just on his ass.

Speaker 1 I think that Dak Prescott not moving would be better than Andy Dalton.

Speaker 1 Maybe put like a walking boot with some wheelies underneath and he's just kind of wheeling around, throwing, you know, with one leg. I think that would have been better than Andy Dalton.

Speaker 1 What about just a wheelchair? Yeah. If you could play with a wheelchair, it would have been better than Andy Dalton.
Never get tackled. Your knee never touches the ground.
I have an idea, though.

Speaker 1 Ben Denucci? Ben DeGucci

Speaker 1 to fix the Cowboys. I think the Cowboys should trade for Ryan Fitzpatrick.
Well, it's interesting you brought that up. I've seen a couple people suggest that.

Speaker 1 I was saying the same thing, but for the Washington football team. Anyone in the NFC East.
Anyone in the NFC East should try to get Ryan Fitzpatrick. And the reasoning is pretty simple.

Speaker 1 You can maybe win the division at 6-10. Yes.
7-9, you're a lock. Yes.
And all you need to do is like... hope that the Fitzmagic times up perfectly at the start of the playoffs.

Speaker 1 So maybe you win two playoff games with a weird couple of Fitzpatrick games back-to-back. Your team's not going to get that much better in the short term where, you know, like

Speaker 1 wasting that potential high draft pick that you're not going to use on Trevor Lawrence because the Jets have a stranglehold on it.

Speaker 1 You might as well try to make the playoffs, get a couple more games in under the belt, and just kind of see, let the tips fall where they may.

Speaker 1 Well, more than that, it's just the Cowboys, they have no offensive line. And

Speaker 1 besides maybe Kirk Cousins, like the second worst guy to be behind a terrible offensive line is Andy Dalton. He's the everything has to be right guy.
Ryan Fitzpatrick's the opposite.

Speaker 1 Ryan Fitzpatrick doesn't need an offensive line. Ryan Fitzpatrick will just run around with his head cut off, running over linebackers and throwing picks and throwing touchdowns.
He's the perfect guy.

Speaker 1 Maybe Case Keenum. Maybe go get Case Keenum, too.
He's another guy. They just let him run around.

Speaker 1 Like, you need someone like that, not Andy Dalton.

Speaker 1 It's the worst quarterback for that situation. Yeah, I would say Russell Wilson is probably the all-time goat.
He's the all-time bad quarterback.

Speaker 1 Having a shitty offensive line. But he's good.
Guys that would be available, I would say, yeah, Case Keenum's not bad.

Speaker 1 Alex Smith,

Speaker 1 what? Trade for Alex Smith, maybe behind a bad offensive line.

Speaker 1 Did you see what he said in the interview with SVP yesterday? He was saying essentially what you said the other week, which was like he liked getting hit by Aaron Donald.

Speaker 1 It was kind of messed up that he formed like a backpack, but he enjoyed that sensation for a little bit. Yeah, so the Cowboys are a dumpster fire.

Speaker 1 We didn't really learn anything from the Cardinals. The other game, now everyone is, we get the other side of being super fans of Josh Allen.
Yes, he played bad. Yes, the Bills looked,

Speaker 1 they have not looked great in the last two weeks. It's just straight up, they have not looked great.

Speaker 1 You know, he was not going to be the MVP now. He had a great start to the year.
He's probably not going to be the MVP now. I think that's fair to say.

Speaker 1 Bills to me are a team that they're building something and they're just not there yet. They got to see it.

Speaker 1 And they play, you know, they played the Chiefs and they played the Titans on the weird COVID Tuesday night game. They looked bad in both those games.
They got to get back. They got to get right.

Speaker 1 They got to play some shit. They got to play the Jets.
Get that swag back.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, try to build off of that. Yeah.
I mean, you're right. It was two very good teams that they've had to play and that they haven't looked good against.

Speaker 1 But if you're a really good team, you have to be able to, you got to be competitive in one of those two games. And they were kind of competitive against the Chiefs at the end.

Speaker 1 They brought it back a little bit, but it never felt like it was close. No.
That was not a close. That was

Speaker 1 not indicative of how the game went. I'm going to chalk this performance by Josh Allen up to the rain.

Speaker 1 It was a blustery day, and the participantation was not conducive to Rocket being launched. So I'm, Hank, don't, don't, don't, Hank, don't.

Speaker 1 I won't challenge her. I say it was like the challenge, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Bills are still like,

Speaker 1 they're going to be frisky. They're going to be around.

Speaker 1 They're probably going to win the AFC East, but they need to figure out some stuff, especially on defense, if they want to be able to win some players.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that actually is a good segue because I, well, the Chiefs, by the way, well, let's do this. So I jotted down some power rankings.

Speaker 1 There's seven power rankings, and I want you to critique and move around. I'll let you have a final say on where the teams go.

Speaker 1 So I have contenders, contenders with a pause, which is really just fraudulent contenders, but I don't want people to get mad at me for saying fraudulent.

Speaker 1 Can we do the instead of contenders with a pause? Can we rebrand that as how Chris Berman used to always refer to the Jags? The Yeah, butts. The Yeah, butts.
Okay. The Yeah, butts.
The Yeah Buts.

Speaker 1 Good, not great teams.

Speaker 1 Bad, good teams. Uh-huh.
I know I got those unlocked. Good, bad teams.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Just straight up bad.

Speaker 1 And then the NFC East. Okay.
So the NFC East is the seventh. That's just all the NFC East teams and the Jets.
That's like the circle of hell and Dante's Inferno that's just Satan's dick. Yes.

Speaker 1 So contenders, I only have the Chiefs.

Speaker 1 I only have the Chiefs because I only feel like really, really confident that the Chiefs, if we're doing yeah, butts, I don't see a butt with the Chiefs, especially when they just decided they were going to run the ball better than any team has ever run the ball against the Bills and be like, hey, we have Patrick Mahomes, but instead we'll just do this.

Speaker 1 And oh, yeah, we have L'I'M Bell coming soon as well. So I don't know what the Chiefs like, yeah, maybe you could say their defense, but they picked it up last year when they needed to.
Okay, so

Speaker 1 my only problem with that is to be a contender, don't you have to have something that you're contending against? Oh, the only team that can beat the Chiefs is themselves. Correct.
Like Andy Reed.

Speaker 1 When they overlooked the Raiders. Like when Andy Reid didn't use any timeouts at the end of the first half, and everyone's like, what's going on?

Speaker 1 So it's the Chiefs against the Chiefs Chiefs as the contender. So they're the contenders.
Did you see, this is probably my favorite Take Quake of the Year.

Speaker 1 This lady on Twitter said, Andy Reid is a type of man that will make your thighs quake. Ooh.
Yeah. Okay.
I love that. It was Andy Reed's wife.
It was not Andy Reid's wife.

Speaker 1 Was it like a chef at a steakhouse in Kansas City? No.

Speaker 1 In fact, it's funny you brought that up because the only person or the only account that could tweet that out where it would make sense would be like a chicken restaurant. Yes.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, no, here comes Andy. He's about to demolish all this dark mage shit.
No, it was

Speaker 1 just strictly personal. I was speaking about Andy Reid's dick game.
Well, we did have wet walrus Andy Reid, which is a

Speaker 1 sex symbol. Let's just call it like it is.
He's a sex symbol. All right, so the next one is the Yeah Butts.
For my Yeah Butts, I have Ravens, Packers.

Speaker 1 Now, these are all really good teams, but you can say, like, okay, who have the Ravens beat? Like, they played the contenders on Monday Night Football and they got killed by the Chiefs.

Speaker 1 So the Ravens, the Packers, the Seahawks, the Bucs, and the Steelers.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Bucks. I would bump the Steelers up to maybe contenders.
Okay, I thought about this. Contenders asked for that.

Speaker 1 And I love the Steelers, and I have a future on the Steelers to win the Super Bowl. I think that

Speaker 1 they will get bumped up if they handle the Titans on Sunday. Okay.
Because if you look at who the Steelers have played, it's not a great.

Speaker 1 It's the Giants. It's the Texans.

Speaker 1 Someone, Jake, pull that up for me. Giants, Texans.

Speaker 1 No, they're playing the Titans.

Speaker 1 Oh, Oh, the Broncos with Jeff Driskell as quarterback. And so I, you know.
The Browns. The Browns.
Like,

Speaker 1 I think I believe in the Steelers personally, but I think that it's until you become a contender, you have to have like a signature win.

Speaker 1 That's why even the Bucs are down in the yeah, butts because they have a signature win, but they also have two losses. I did like Mike Tomlin's quote about, like, I can't look past lunch.

Speaker 1 Can't look past lunch. Which is the most relatable thing at Titans, at Ravens.
So then we'll get out. The Steelers could easily be in contender phase after these two weeks.
I think that that's fair

Speaker 1 to be like, hey, this team's very, very good. Let's see him beat a really good team.
After that, their schedule is soft. Cowboys, Bengals, Jags, Ravens again, then Washington.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 But I'll put them in the contenders if they go 2-0 here. And again,

Speaker 1 I have a future on them. I think the Steelers are very, very good.
All right. So that's the yeah, butts.
Good, not great. This is where it gets tricky.

Speaker 1 Patriots, Bills, Browns, Bears, Titans, Raiders, Cardinals, Rams, Saints. You've got too many teams in that division.
That's kind of the whole thing.

Speaker 1 There's a log jam in your good, not great division. But that's kind of the whole team.
The whole NFL is that. There are a lot of teams that certainly fall into that.
I would bump a few of those down

Speaker 1 into the

Speaker 1 best bad teams or the

Speaker 1 bad good teams.

Speaker 1 So in my bad, good teams, I would have the Saints. I would have the Rams.
I would have the Patriots, the Browns, and the Colts. Okay.

Speaker 1 The Bears.

Speaker 1 I'm putting Bears up.

Speaker 1 I'm bumping Bears up to the yeah, butts.

Speaker 1 Don't do that.

Speaker 1 Bears are a yeah, but team. Big cat, they're five and one.
So in my bad, good teams, I had Colts, Dolphins, Panthers, 49ers.

Speaker 1 I think the Dolphins are more of a good, bad team. No, they're 3-3.
Yeah, they're good, bad. And Tua.
Who'd they beat? Tua's going to be incredible. Who did they beat? At San Francisco.

Speaker 1 They beat at San Francisco signature. They smoked him.
They did. Smoked him.
Who the Hurt Jimmy G?

Speaker 1 Smoked him.

Speaker 1 Smoked them. Good, bad team.

Speaker 1 All right. So, yeah, the good, bad teams.
I have the Texans, the Lions, the Vikings, the Chargers, the Falcons, and Broncos. You left out the Panthers.
I think the Panthers are a good team.

Speaker 1 I say, I think they're a bad, good team. I think they're Teddy Bridger.
We don't respect them enough. No, they're a good, bad team.
The Raiders are definitely a good bad team.

Speaker 1 Houston is the best, good, bad team because they're the worst of those teams, but they're also the best potentially.

Speaker 1 And then bad teams are Jaguars and Bengals, and then the NFC East is seventh with Giants, Cowboys, Eagles, Washington football team, and Jets. Are they all the way?

Speaker 1 The Jets are so bad, I put them in the NFC East. They're an honorary NFC East.
Yeah, they should be in the NFC East. I agree.
Well, I think the Jets are almost in a division all to themselves.

Speaker 1 They're at the bottom of the NFC East. Yeah.
Which is actually the worst place you could be. I have a hypothetical for you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you think that Alabama football could beat the Jets if everybody on the Jets had mono?

Speaker 1 Would they be able to play? Yeah, yeah, they're allowed to play. And all the spleen.
And the the spleen, yeah. So, you know.
So, there are some players that could die of a ruptured spleen?

Speaker 1 No, I think they would. I don't think they would.

Speaker 1 I think that a healthy

Speaker 1 Nick Saban. I think Clemson's better than Alabama.
Okay, so do Clemson. So let's switch it up.
Would you think that Clemson

Speaker 1 could beat the Jets if they all had Mono? Yeah, I agree. Just not Bama.
I agree with that. But what if, okay, what if Bama Lawrence is both QBs?

Speaker 1 All-time QB? Yeah. Jets win.
Okay, Trevor Lawrence has Mono

Speaker 1 and just straight up against Alabama.

Speaker 1 Alabama. Okay.

Speaker 1 Everyone on Alabama is taking steroids except for their quarterback and half the players on the Jets. The Jets defense has mono.
How many cycles? They've had three months. Billy?

Speaker 1 I think the whole college NFL thing is 100% just blocking and tackling. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Well, they invest so much more money in their bodies in the NFL that you have a lot of guys who are just so much more stronger, so much more faster.

Speaker 1 Well, and also they're like a roster, a college roster

Speaker 1 has what? How many pros on it? A pro roster has all pros. Exactly.
Right, so it's also that.

Speaker 1 That's what you got to take. Okay,

Speaker 1 fully healthy New York Jets team versus Clemson, and Clemson's defense is taking steroids, but they're not getting caught for it this time.

Speaker 1 I think the most balanced way to play the pro versus college would be pro only can run like Army's offense and college can do whatever.

Speaker 1 Then that means. I still would take the pros.
Joe Flacco running the Army offense? Yes, still take the pros.

Speaker 1 I think that's more fair.

Speaker 1 That would be very funny. No forward passes.
Army still passes. Like three a game.
Three a game. And you have to throw left-handed.
And two of them have to be interceptions.

Speaker 1 I would love to see the Jets versus the best college team just to prove everyone who's ever had that debate for real so, so wrong. Because it's a hilarious debate.
They just run power every time.

Speaker 1 They're just way bigger and stronger and better at every position. And just gash them.
Can you imagine how slow Joe Flacker would be if he had mono, though? Yeah, he would be slow.

Speaker 1 He would be like my speed. Maybe he would, no, but maybe sometimes, you know, when you get sick and you have that little, you're starting to feel a little better and you feel like Superman?

Speaker 1 Maybe he's got that. Right after you hit the Theraflu? Yeah, you're like,

Speaker 1 man, I could run through a wall, right? And then it just kind of expires. Well, if Clemson, like

Speaker 1 if Clemson kills both all the quarterbacks that are listed for the game, then they have a chance.

Speaker 1 Now we're talking murder. Well, straight up means just showing up.

Speaker 1 We do have Thursday night football to look forward to this week, and it's NFC East Special Edition. NFC Beast, Thursday Night NFL.
It's Giants and Eagles.

Speaker 1 I just think that Thursday night should be only NFC East games. Play two of them.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean,

Speaker 1 the double football games, like, when we go back to one Monday night game, it's really going to suck.

Speaker 1 It really is going to suck.

Speaker 1 We need to keep the double Monday night games.

Speaker 1 By the way, we should at least mention, like, do you like the Tua move? I like them going to Tua. Yeah, I like it.

Speaker 1 You might as well. Well, not only that, but you thought you were going to suck.
You don't suck.

Speaker 1 Now you get to have Tua play meaningful football, which is the best, like, that's the best case scenario for a rookie quarterback being in games that matter.

Speaker 1 And you get to put Ryan Fitzpatrick on the trading block. Right.
I bet you that in the back of Brian Flores' mind, he was like, you know what? We might get some offers.

Speaker 1 I have a take that's going to hurt myself, but I think the Colts would be better with Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Speaker 1 That would be wild. Wouldn't it? That would be wild.

Speaker 1 Now that you're saying it, it kind of makes sense. Yeah.
It kind of makes sense.

Speaker 1 It's great. It's actually great for Ryan Fitzpatrick because he wasn't able to have the balloon burst like usual.
Yeah. So now we all are just left being like, Fitzy, man.

Speaker 1 We're left with a good taste in our mouth from Brian Fitzpatrick. Let's go.
That's what, yeah.

Speaker 1 He should just, he should mandate that anytime that he gets to start, he gets to play against the Jets, and then that'll be his last start of the season.

Speaker 1 And then, boom, another two-year deal comes after him. Exactly.
We should respect the Cardinals a little bit. Kyler Murray played well.

Speaker 1 He's getting shorter. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, he's definitely getting shorter. He's getting shorter, but he's getting better.
Ezekiel Elliott, is he fat? I think Ezekiel might be fat now. Well, yeah, when he starts fumbling, he is.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And also,

Speaker 1 the nose rings got to go when you fumble. You've got to take it out.
Well, you have to. Scientifically, you're getting less oxygen into your brain if you have holes in your nose.

Speaker 1 Not to mention, you're spending a fortune more on cocaine if you're Ezekiel Elliott because you're just leaking like a sieve. Yeah, he

Speaker 1 I almost feel like he might have just fumbled on purpose because he's like, I don't want to run behind this line. Like, just bench me.
Yeah. Bench me.

Speaker 1 Well, it was funny because they did, I think, was it Michelle Tafoya that interviewed him before the game?

Speaker 1 And he said, wait, Lisa Salt. Lisa Salters, thank you, Jake.

Speaker 1 Jake moved faster than DK Metcalf

Speaker 1 when he heard me misidentify the reporter for ESPN.

Speaker 1 But Lisa Salters interviewed him, and he said, Yeah, I've had a couple fumbles, but I guarantee you I'm not fumbling again for the rest of the season.

Speaker 1 And then, boom, two quick fumbles in the first quarter.

Speaker 1 Whoops. Whoops.

Speaker 1 All right, so

Speaker 1 let's do Hot Seat Gold Throne. Before we do that,

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All right, hot seat, cool thrown. Hank, why don't you get us going?

Speaker 1 My hot seat, and I don't think he's on the hot seat personally, but our good friend, recurring guest, Joe Buck, I don't know if you guys saw this, but some rat from the Fox Sports production crew leaked audio of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman talking like in between when they were on commercial break,

Speaker 1 talking about the flyover and how it's like a waste of jet fuel. And it's, you know, know, that Joe Buck said that's your hard-earned tax money and tax dollars at work.

Speaker 1 And so it's one of the, it's more that he's on the hot seat because this is the time of year when Joe Buck does a game every single night for like three weeks straight.

Speaker 1 So that's, you know, enough to deal with on its own. And now he has to deal with like all the backlash that's going to come from this.
So it's probably just. But he didn't say anything wrong.
Right.

Speaker 1 But you know what I'm saying? Like he has to do every single night.

Speaker 1 It's not like a regular schedule where he has two games a week. He has a game every single night.

Speaker 1 And then then also, it's one of those things where he didn't say anything wrong, but he's going to have to deal with it. He's going to have to deal with it.

Speaker 1 And it's just like, I don't get why someone would do that. Joe Buck, I'd like you to apologize to airplanes on behalf of America.
Come on, Joe. There's some things that are just objective.

Speaker 1 Like, people are going to be like, you don't care about the troops type deal. Yeah.
But it's not. That's not what he's saying.
Right, and it's also not like

Speaker 1 he's right that it is a waste. I mean, it's cool.
Yes, it's cool. Flyovers are cool, but if you actually look at it, it's like, yeah, we probably, would anyone notice if you didn't? No.
But

Speaker 1 I've also done it for big games. And this big games, like Army, Navy, the flyover is awesome.
This is when you get down into the weeds because some people are saying that

Speaker 1 the pilots have to have a certain amount of training hours behind the wheel of a plane or the joystick or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 So you might as well just have them fly over some of the things. Oh, okay, that makes sense.
And if that's two birds, one stone type deal.

Speaker 1 I think that people would care less about it being a waste of taxpayer money if I got to know personally which flyover my money was paying for.

Speaker 1 You know, like if it was like, oh, this is the PFT Cometer flyover using his tax dollars. Yeah.

Speaker 1 At that point, I'd be like, oh yeah, totally good use of my tax money, making, you know, making my balls shake with a Mach 3 flyover.

Speaker 1 And then it's just Hank's tax money and it's just like a watted-up piece of paper. Yeah, it's just a toss from the 300 level.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Billy. I bet the pilots think it's really fun.
To fly? Yeah. I would say so.
I mean, that's probably why they got into flying. Well, more than like a desert.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, no, when they fly over a stadium, they they don't see it. They're not like on the street.

Speaker 1 There's Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. No, I think they look down.
I would be so hyped. The Army-Navy flyover is incredible because they have like

Speaker 1 helicopters going right over, like low. It's cool.
Yeah, like the cargo planes and shit. Yeah, too.
That shit's awesome.

Speaker 1 You know, it would be sick if before a game, when they did the flyovers, if it was in a bomber plane and they just released a football, like they were dropping a bomb and tried to land the football as close to midfield as well.

Speaker 1 That would be cool. I mean, that will probably be the future when Jeff Bezos owns the entire NFL and it's just Amazon drones dropping your packages right before the game.
Uh-huh. That will happen.

Speaker 1 All right. Good hot seat, Hank.
Thanks, Dan. My cool throne is a lot of fun.
No problem.

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 1 Very cool. My cool throne is retro jerseys.
Yeah. NHL is bringing back retro jerseys for every team in the league this year.
So they're just, you know, jumping on the nostalgia train. Love it.

Speaker 1 But if you love retro jerseys, you're on the cool throne. Yeah.
And Billy's hedgehog is on the cool throne. Canucks.
I don't know if I just took that from you. If I did, I'll save.
I'll wait. But.

Speaker 1 What does Billy's hedgehog do? He's hot. Hot as shit.

Speaker 1 8-1. 8-8-1.
Yeah, my hedgehog's going off. Eight and one.
That's pretty sick.

Speaker 1 His one bad take was when he took the Packers to cover.

Speaker 1 So he's pretty hot. What's his name? Nostradamus.
Oh, wow. He must be good.
Did he also take, did he take the afternoon game of Jets and Dolphins? No, he didn't take it.

Speaker 1 So you can just say, like, he's 8-0.

Speaker 1 Besides the afternoon games.

Speaker 1 in only the early games and primetime games. He picks his games and switch it around.
Like Leroy's 5-0 in Monday night football games that start before 8.30. Right.

Speaker 1 Which is still pretty good. So he's on the cool throne.
He pays for himself. Nice.
Good job.

Speaker 1 Did he pay for himself? Yeah. Okay.
Now he did. Good pick, Henry.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Hank.

Speaker 1 Henry.

Speaker 1 My hot seat is.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm going to save this one hot seat for Big Cat because I know that you want want to dive into this one. But my hot seat is Bevo.
Bevo, the mascot for the University of Texas, is getting sued.

Speaker 1 Oh. So you remember a couple years ago when

Speaker 1 it was Texas, Georgia, Sugar Bowl, I believe. And Bevo went buck wild before the game and tried to get at Bevo.
He ran into a photographer.

Speaker 1 The photographer tweeted out pictures of having scrapes and marks on his back. Oh, poor guy.
And then a couple years later, the photographer is suing Bevo. He's suing Bevo's handlers.

Speaker 1 I think he's suing the University of Texas. He's suing a lot of people.

Speaker 1 But this is the storyline that you would expect in a rejected season of Blue Mountain State, like suing a college football team's mascot. But I'm very excited to see how it shakes out in court.

Speaker 1 I feel like Bevo is the type of cow to settle.

Speaker 1 You think so? Yeah, they're going to settle. They should have Matthew McConaughey revise his rule in Time to Kill as the Lincoln lawyer or whatever and represent Bevo in court.

Speaker 1 There's no chance that a jury in Texas where the word is sent to that photographer. Yeah, no, Bevo's going to settle.
I think Bevo's going to get an NDA signed, all that shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just hope that they depose Bevo. I wouldn't be shocked if Bevo's got a whole list of NDAs.
Yeah. You know, people who just get roughed up by Bevo.

Speaker 1 I think that that's like an asset to have a college football mascot that's liable to just fuck some shit up at any given time. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 My cool throne is going to be Tom Brady.

Speaker 1 Tom Brady, and just really the city of Tampa, because Tom Brady

Speaker 1 is bringing championships left and right to Tampa, or at least participation in championships to Tampa, Florida. Tom Brady is a good sports town.
Tom Brady is.

Speaker 1 Hank, you actually got that stolen from you. Did you tweet it? No, I said it to PFT, and then it manifests.

Speaker 1 Like, people were running, like, Diggy V stole it.

Speaker 1 They were running a promo for it. I think there was a blog.
You need to get that out there to earthsports.com. You're the first person I heard say it.
Correct.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, Feidelberg ran with the two. That's kind of like a parallel mind situation.
We were kind of in the same headspace. And he's a blogger, so I had no qualms with that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my alternative theory is that maybe Giselle is just a good sports town. Also true.
Because she's Brazilian. They won a bunch of World Cups.
Probably doesn't live in Tampa Bay.

Speaker 1 They won World Cups and then

Speaker 1 for the first

Speaker 1 time

Speaker 1 when Boston won those, like 2002, 2004. Where was she in 2002, 2004? I don't know.
Not in Boston. Not with Tom.
Was she in Afghanistan while we were kicking the Taliban's ass? You don't know that.

Speaker 1 Was she in Germany when Germany was winning World Cups? You don't know that. She might have been.
I don't think so. I'm guessing she was in Brazil.

Speaker 1 I'm just thinking that Giselle might be a good sports sound, too.

Speaker 1 All right, my hot seats is Zoom and

Speaker 1 people masturbating on Zoom. Jeffrey Tubin, Tubman,

Speaker 1 Tube Man. Tube Meister.
The Tube Meister,

Speaker 1 New Yorker, and CNN legal analyst.

Speaker 1 Our legal analyst would never masturbate on Zoom.

Speaker 1 He will pee on himself, but he will never masturbate on Zoom. Correct.

Speaker 1 So what, do we have a

Speaker 1 definitive he was 100% jerking off, or was it he just flashed and didn't realize it? Was he hanging brain, or was he... It's a fine line between touching your penis and masturbating.

Speaker 1 Where does that line even begin? Right, but

Speaker 1 do we have like details? Was he just sitting there cranking it or was he like changing? All right, so I did a little bit of research on this, and allegedly what happened was

Speaker 1 the people at the New Yorker were doing a simulated election where all the different writers and personalities at the New Yorker were taking different sides of the electoral process and doing like a model UN type thing, which, let's be fair, that's more masturbatory

Speaker 1 than cranking your penis off until you ejaculate.

Speaker 1 But they broke out into like a little side session where the Democrats would strategize, the Republicans would, and then he was representing the courts.

Speaker 1 During the breakout session, he allegedly was touching himself, and then when they came back, his camera was on and he was just holding his hog.

Speaker 1 And then some people thought he was jacking off. Who knows? He might have been, he might have had an itch.
So the only thing you need to take care of. The bottom line is: if I

Speaker 1 think that if you work for the New Yorker in general and you're participating in one of these sessions, you got to assume that, like, this is boring enough where if someone's cranking off, who cares?

Speaker 1 Well, the thing I don't really understand is he sounds like a little bit of a pervert,

Speaker 1 big pervert, pervert alert, little sex addict, a little addiction. What do you got? A sex addiction? Addiction of sex.

Speaker 1 But sex addicts, perverts, for the most part,

Speaker 1 you can always spot them because on their laptops, they have that little sliding thing that goes over the camera because they just assume that every time they jerk off, which is like seven times a day, they're being videotaped.

Speaker 1 So it doesn't. The whole thing doesn't, it just smells suspect to me.
I feel like if he was a full-blown pervert, he would have already had the means to close out, you know, the camera. So

Speaker 1 Edward Snowden, big time jack-off guy. Right, right.
He like lives on. Jared Kravis, he's got one.
Yeah. Huge jerk-off guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think just a good rule of thumb is never jack off at a computer.

Speaker 1 Ever. Ever? Ever.
Ever. Just use your imagination.
Or just put it to the side. Back in my day.
That's all you got to do. Just go back to buying magazines.

Speaker 1 No one's ever been busted jacking off to a penthouse. Put it slightly to the side and you'll be set.
Hilarious story, though.

Speaker 1 I mean, ridiculous that that was a real story, especially someone who, I'm assuming, considers themselves, like, very, very important and very professional.

Speaker 1 Yes, if your avatar on Twitter is a cartoon that was drawn for you by the New Yorker, then

Speaker 1 you're either a sports writer that hasn't updated their avatar. Like,

Speaker 1 my favorite is the sports writer that's 60 years old, and they have the drawn picture of themselves when they were, like, 35.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, this is me. No, not really.

Speaker 1 Okay. It depends on people know what the New Yorker is again.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My cool throne is Clayton Kershaw, playoff Kershaw. So we're taping this before the game one.
He's pitching tonight.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to assume he shoved because he's awesome and nothing ever goes wrong for him in the playoffs. But a little stat for everyone out there.

Speaker 1 In the last 25 years, the only starters who have more wins than Clayton Kershaw are Andy Pettit, steroids, and Justin Verlander. Astros cheating.

Speaker 1 So Clayton Kershaw has the most wins in my book of any starter in the last 25 years since the wild card came around. So yeah,

Speaker 1 he might be the best postseason pitcher out there. Of all time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What about the back spasms? He's been having some back spasm issues. Baspasman.

Speaker 1 Do those only flare up for him in the playoffs? I know he's dealt with them for a long time.

Speaker 1 Back spasms are one of those things I don't really understand, but they sound like they're the most painful thing of all time. Yeah, I have them.
They suck. They're the worst.
And yeah,

Speaker 1 he's been having these for a couple years now. It sucks.
I hope he does well. If you're rooting against Clayton Kershaw at this point, like we've kicked him enough.
He's been down enough.

Speaker 1 Let's just hope he does well. I'm agreeing with that.
I'm rooting for the Dodgers. Yes, and Thomas Sword, I treated the clip four years ago.

Speaker 1 He said, if the Dodgers don't win the World Series, I'll kill myself. So I think that just still stands.
And then also Mookie. And Mookie.
Mookie's doing well, but spend zone.

Speaker 1 The Red Sox have enormous flexibility when it comes to their salary spending. Big time.
All right, Billy.

Speaker 1 My hot seat is Halloween. Oh, because you know, as true it is to the hot seat, like, it could go either way.
Halloween could be awesome or it could suck. What?

Speaker 1 And it's on the hot seat because it could suck. Like, there won't be like good parties or something? Well, like, trick-or-treating, like, you can't touch stuff.
This is a classic.

Speaker 1 Billy had his hot seat stolen by somebody. No.
So he's filling in. Well, I have another hot seat, a busted toilet.

Speaker 1 Who listening to this right now do you think trick-or-treats?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Party.
Anyway, doorbells are going to be dirty. Maybe a lot of people who are doing on the giving end of the trick-or-treating.
Yes. There we go.
Dads. I bought it.

Speaker 1 That's a cool throne because you don't have to deal with it. Then you get all the candy for yourself.
Please take one.

Speaker 1 Yeah. My son is going to be Ultimate Warrior for Halloween.
It's fucking awesome. I bought the costume.
It's going to be sick. And a little mini belt.
I need to figure something out for myself.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm going to like Maria's family Halloween party.

Speaker 1 You should go as a clown.

Speaker 1 You should go as a guy on vacation. Tweet recommendations to us.
No, that was me. We're at Virtues.

Speaker 1 And my Cool Throne is Titans Mike Vrabel for using a very crafty loophole in the no-book. Interesting.
Interesting. I wish we had thought of this to tell you about it on Sunday night.

Speaker 1 Did you listen to us talking about this exact same thing on Sunday night? Did you talk about it?

Speaker 1 Anyway, do you know this?

Speaker 1 Okay, you're hedgehog. I did listen on Sunday night.
I did listen on Sunday for Monday.

Speaker 1 Billy doesn't make the show half lays

Speaker 1 eggs. You just fast forward to the very end to see what the fun animal fact was.

Speaker 1 That's all you wanted to know. Billy's theory of mind is like, well, if I'm not in the office, they probably don't do a show.
No,

Speaker 1 I listened to as much as I could. Billy,

Speaker 1 you are like a Mike Vrabel yourself because you figured out a way to bin time and do exactly what we did on Tuesday. On Sunday, on Tuesday.
I'm on my heels here when everyone's taking my cool throne.

Speaker 1 Like, who knew that?

Speaker 1 I've been talking about my head for a time. Did you hear us making fun of Jake because he was sitting in your seat? Yeah, and you couldn't think of an animal fact.

Speaker 1 That's true. That's true.
Rivalry back on.

Speaker 1 Love it. What about, I'll give you Cool Throne.
Coaching search firms are on the Cool Throne. Because they make a lot of money for stuff that we could do.
It's the best racket of all time. Good job.

Speaker 1 Yes, exactly. Coaching search firms are the best, and you're hearing the various NFL teams talking about using them.
And there's a formula to. It's Ernie Occorsi.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Bubba and I were just talking before the show, and we're like,

Speaker 1 it's a very specific formula. You have to have like the son of a former head coach.
You have to have a head coach that's been out of the league for a couple of years who made a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 You have to have... Old GM, Bill Pollyon.
Yeah, you got to have an old GM. Yeah.
Well, I'm talking about for the candidates that they'll pull up. But yeah, Bill Pollyon is on the search firm.

Speaker 1 Right, right. He's like the guy that directs the search firm, but these are the names that you would have.

Speaker 1 Oh, gosh, it would be like the son of a head coach, a former head coach that made a Super Bowl,

Speaker 1 a Secretary of State, if you want to add in Condoleezza Rice or Henry Kissinger. You're feeling spicy.
And then like one college coach who would never in a million years say yes.

Speaker 1 And then a wild card that you end up hiring because he wowed you in the interview. Yes.
Which would be Joe Brady. Out of the box.

Speaker 1 Joe Brady is my guy who's going to wow somebody during an interview this year. Yes.
Another cool throw for you, Billy, is Rough and Rowdy. Rough and Rowdy this Friday.

Speaker 1 You can use the Play Barstool app to make your selection

Speaker 1 for

Speaker 1 the event. Yeah.
You win $25,000. Why would you not take less than 60 seconds?

Speaker 1 How many fights do you have to get right? Five fights. Five fights.
You got to get right. Five fights, tens questions.
Awesome. Bobby Lang is probably the best fighter we've ever had.
Yes.

Speaker 1 He is a monster. An absolute monster.
He beat Travis Turman. All right, let's get to our interview.
Awesome interview coming up. Matthew McConaughey, before we do that.
What's up, guys?

Speaker 1 It's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey. How do you make an Irish entrance, you ask?

Speaker 1 It starts with a shot of proper number 12 Irish whiskey because real friends don't let friends Irish exit a party without a story to tell.

Speaker 1 Original proper number 12 is rich in a smooth blend of golden grain and single malt. Age four years in bourbon barrels.
Mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger.

Speaker 1 In the mood for something smooth but a little sweeter, try proper Irish apple, a delicious blend of proper's award-winning Irish whiskey with crisp, fresh notes of of apple.

Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Okay,

Speaker 1 here he is, Matthew McConaughey.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest. It is

Speaker 1 actor and now author Matthew McConaughey. He's got a, his memoirs out October 20th.
It's called Green Lights.

Speaker 1 It is, I'll say it right now, the coolest memoir of all time because it is his life experience teaching you about how to live life, how to be cool. But more than anything, you wrote it.

Speaker 1 You had a journal for 35 years, and then I read that you wrote it by going into the desert for 52 days without electricity. Is that true?

Speaker 3 The first 12 days were without electricity. So I had a generator on me.

Speaker 3 And I pack up these 36 years' worth of diaries. I put them in the navigator.
I buy

Speaker 3 20 one and 5 8 inch ribeyes.

Speaker 3 I ziplock them. I get my

Speaker 3 long branch.

Speaker 3 I get three five gallon jugs of water and a generator and my laptop and a printer. And I headed out to this cabin in the desert.
So for the first 12 days were that was me. And then

Speaker 3 the other places I went after that were in the desert, but I did leave the generator and got some AC power hookup.

Speaker 1 so i had a little electricity what was that like going back over the course of your life which you had i mean most people don't keep a diary since the day that they're 15 years old or however young you were like going back and reading that stuff was that the first time that you'd sat down and and read your thoughts yeah yeah it was i mean i i write this in the book i always write things down not to remember i write things down so i can forget them you know so i can go oh jotted that down cool now i can forget it and that's what i've been doing since i was 14.

Speaker 3 um but i'll mind you you know the early stuff at 14, I'm a 14-year-old kid writing, going to my,

Speaker 3 you know, for this reason that most people go to their diary to write about the shitty stuff, to write about, oh, you know, Gretchen broke up with me or, you know, Kathy Cook won't go out with me or this worked out or I got to second base last night or some kind of thing like that.

Speaker 3 And then in my early 20s, I had a time where I was kind of rolling, catching a lot of green lights. I was in college.
My relationships were good.

Speaker 3 Man, I would think I was making a little money, had a little money in my pocket.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I said, you know what, McConaughey, hey, go write in your diary now while you're rolling. Go dissect this success you're having right now because

Speaker 3 you may get in a rut again, which I did, which we all do. And you can go back and look at what was I doing when I was rolling? Who was I hanging out with? Where was I going? What was I eating?

Speaker 3 What was I drinking? How was I seeing the world? And so

Speaker 3 that was something that I was happy I've done through my life is try to write things down when things are going well because

Speaker 3 another rut's always coming. And when you, if you, if you keep track and make a little bit of a, there's a science to some satisfaction.

Speaker 3 There's some habits that I've found that I've had that have helped me be more satisfied and they helped me get out of some of those ruts.

Speaker 1 What so I'm very jealous that you've kept a diary for that long and you could go back and kind of read your own thoughts from each phase of your life.

Speaker 1 What phase of your life or what age did you look back on? You're like, ooh, kind of a loser.

Speaker 3 Or I'm embarrassed by that because I always think like yeah of myself as 23 I'm like you did not know anything and you thought you knew everything yeah well there was that was part of the to answer your question a second ago that was part of the the fear of going back and looking at these diaries I was like man I'm gonna be embarrassed I'm gonna be ashamed of this I'm gonna be see where I was an arrogant prick and thought I was a know-it-all but actually you know was silly as could be or was was a foolish was foolish about it and

Speaker 3 look what happened in sitting down with the diaries and writing the book a lot of this the shit that i thought i was gonna be embarrassed about i actually just laughed at myself a lot of the stuff i thought i was gonna be ashamed about i actually forgave myself or found that oh i had already made amends for that and a lot of the stuff that i thought i i was arrogant about i i was and i was like well good for you at that age of thinking you were a know-it-all

Speaker 3 And you ended up stepping in shit because you thought you were a know-it-all. But look, you know what? You stepped in shit again and that was okay.

Speaker 3 So I'm glad you had the courage to think you were a know-it-all at that time because look at you, you ate shit because you thought you knew it all. And that was good, you know?

Speaker 1 Was there a specific thing that looking back over your diaries, you were like, man, I was really wrong about that.

Speaker 1 And it actually ended up working out, but not for the reasons that I thought it would.

Speaker 3 Let me think, man. I mean, do you guys read that Scorpion Spring story

Speaker 3 where I go, I get this, I get offered this,

Speaker 3 I was in Hollywood. I'd already done Daisy's Confused.
And I was about a year where I wasn't getting work.

Speaker 3 I was getting the first call back, second call back, third callback, but I wasn't getting the job.

Speaker 3 And it's because I was tight.

Speaker 3 I wasn't taking enough chances. Well, I get this blind offer to do this role.
It's a one-day role. It's of this guy who's

Speaker 3 a drug runner.

Speaker 3 down on the south border and the coyotes are going to bring over his drugs and instead of paying for them he's going to steal the drugs kill them all and move on well i get this bright idea in my head at the time that I'm not going to read the script.

Speaker 3 I'm not even going to read the scene.

Speaker 3 I'm going to go back to how I first learned acting, dazed, confused, man. There were only three lines.
They were just throwing me in the middle of scenes and I improvised and worked for three weeks.

Speaker 3 That's back when I was a natural, you know. And at this time in my life, when this happened, I was like...
trying to really study acting. I was like, forget this studying.
I'm going back.

Speaker 3 I'm not even reading the script. I'm not even reading the scene.
So I show up on the set,

Speaker 3 having not read the scene. And I said, I'm just going to be my man.
I'm going to do what my man would do. All right.

Speaker 3 And right before we were about to say action, this PA comes by and goes, you want to see the sides, Mr. McConaughey, and the sides of the scene that day.
And I decide I want to see them.

Speaker 3 Looking back, probably because I was getting a little insecure about this grand plan I had, right? Well, I open up the sides and I look at them.

Speaker 3 There's one page, two page, three page, four pages of a monologue

Speaker 3 in Spanish.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, oh, shit, man.

Speaker 3 And I felt this bead of sweat come up on the back of my neck. And I'm like,

Speaker 3 can I get 12 minutes? And I don't know why I said 12 minutes.

Speaker 3 I remember in my mind at the time, I thought 12 minutes would be like not enough time to inconvenience the crew, but enough time for me to go learn four pages of a monologue in Spanish because, hey, I took Spanish one semester in the 11th grade.

Speaker 3 Yeah, great. Well, guess what?

Speaker 3 I did not. It was not enough time to learn it in Spanish.
I've never seen that movie. I went back and did the take and was fucking embarrassed about that, man.
It was uncomfortable. I was stressed.

Speaker 3 I felt horrible about it. And that actually, that moment is when I said, okay,

Speaker 3 bullshit. From now on, I'm going to over prepare.
I'm going to out prepare people.

Speaker 3 I'm going to come in so prepared for scenes that you can call an audible, put a blindfold on me, wherever you want to drop me off in the world, press record, I'll be my man.

Speaker 3 And that, that, that embarrassing moment

Speaker 3 is what made me really understand that, hey, you got to prepare to be free. You got to do the early work so you can do the early work so you can play on the day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's interesting. You put that in your book.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you said be conservative early so that you can be liberal later, which I took to mean like put yourself in a situation where you have structure, you have boundaries as you're preparing to do something.

Speaker 1 And then when you're in the moment, you've got all the background already prepared for. You've got the guide rails that allow you to really,

Speaker 3 you know, if you want to take the guide rails off later, you can, but it's better to have those in place than to just freewheel everything figure out the general set of rules up front you know what i mean if you want to if you if you want to do backflips in your sandbox well go rake it and check for glass and stuff first and then blow in the wind you know you want to um we look at it in sports man i mean you know you get a new defensive coordinator coming to a situation and he's got it he's got all these complicated schemes he's got great athletes but if he's only there in year one you see those players hesitating on the field because they're thinking you don't want to be thinking when it's game time.

Speaker 3 Now, so have the time to handle, to take the time to really understand the rules and sort of what the general boundaries are. You spend enough time doing that, then you're free to play.

Speaker 3 Then you can do your backflips fuck naked in your sandbox. Then you can call an audible.
Then you can have your instincts. You don't want to be thinking

Speaker 3 when you're in the game, whatever that game is.

Speaker 1 It's absolutely true. Do you see it all the time in sports where the best players, they're not thinking, they're just reacting and they're just doing it second nature.

Speaker 1 How many times, I didn't see this in the memoir, how many times you somehow omitted this, but how many times during your diary going back were you like, I think this is the year Texas is back?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm really feeling it this year.

Speaker 1 You left that out. I didn't see that part.

Speaker 3 Nice lead into these current times, too.

Speaker 1 Ah, yes.

Speaker 3 Well, they were back

Speaker 3 quite a few times. They were there.
They were present along my writing. I've always been a Longhorn fan even since I was 14 to start it writing.

Speaker 3 And, you know, I was keeping diaries when we won national championship. I was keeping diaries all the way through when we got to the national championship against Bam as well.
And I still keep them.

Speaker 3 So we got work to do as a team

Speaker 1 to get back to where we need to be. Yeah, do you ever...

Speaker 1 When you give a pump-up speech, when they ask you to give a pump-up speech, you know, the let it fucking rip, man, which was maybe the coolest speech ever, and you guys beat Notre Dame.

Speaker 1 Do you feel extra pressure?

Speaker 1 Because if you give a great speech and you give like the Matthew McConaughey, let it fucking rip, man, and then they suck, you're like, well, what the hell happened here, guys?

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, look, me giving them a speech is not a magic bullet. I mean,

Speaker 3 it's not, I'm not a magician.

Speaker 1 I don't know. That let it fucking rip speech.
That was a magic bullet.

Speaker 3 Let it fucking rip, man. Let it fucking rip.
And then we scored some points and got off. Yeah, we looked like we were off the chide and we were about to roll through the season, didn't we?

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Here's the deal. Here's the thing about talking to the teams, man, is you got to,

Speaker 3 for me,

Speaker 3 there's two things. I want to know, I like to talk to the coach first because I don't want to go in there, talk about conservative, early, liberal late, and getting players confused.

Speaker 3 I don't want to go in there with a completely different message than the coaches have been throwing at the baseline as a baseline, a message to the team.

Speaker 3 I don't want them thinking like, well, fuck, wait, is this a new plan?

Speaker 3 Is this a new way to go about things so i want to get generally what be sort of synonymous with what the coaches are going for i also could try to get a read of the team look man the the the the speech i'll give to the team

Speaker 3 after a 45 to 6 loss

Speaker 3 is different than what I'll say to the team going into the Big 12 championship. You know, you get to a Big 12 champion, your team's confident.
They don't need the rah-rah, let's get up.

Speaker 3 They're going to be ants. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Let's just let this one be about: hey, take, maybe take, everyone, make sure and take 15 minutes tonight to think about how you got here, to think about your brothers, sisters, mom, and dad, grandmothers who watched you play why you love the game of football.

Speaker 3 Think about it for a minute and think about this.

Speaker 3 So maybe it's a calming thing that is still challenging them. Boy, but after a 45 to three loss, I remember this.
I went and talked to

Speaker 3 a team early in Mac Brown's career, and we had just got waxed by UCLA. And I remember being at practice and the team's confidence was so low, man.

Speaker 3 And in practice, the team was applauding clean handoffs.

Speaker 1 And I was like,

Speaker 3 applauding a clean handoff. And I remember Mac saying, man, the team's morale and confidence is so low right now.
You know,

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 3 a completion. for two yards.
We were going,

Speaker 3 good job. And he built them out of that.
Now, that's very different than talking to the national championship team about to go play USC.

Speaker 3 That team's rolling, man. Highly confident.
So what is your game plan? Know that, you know, finish every single play to, you know, until that. Things like that.

Speaker 3 So the speeches are different for each time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. How do you know where the team is? How do you time that out? Because if you're not familiar with the city of Austin, their practice field is right underneath the I-35 overpass.

Speaker 1 So it's not exactly the quietest part of town. It's pretty noisy.
Do you have to wait? And say to yourself, like, we have to do this after rush hour? Are you just out there like screaming over cars?

Speaker 3 It's whatever hour, man. When we're in that, it doesn't matter if there's 10,000 18 wheelers coming down 35.

Speaker 3 All the focus is right there on the field, and I'll speak over it.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I have one fact check to pull on your book.

Speaker 1 I don't know how much fact-checking went into it, but you said towards the start of the book, I have a lot of proof that the universe is conspiring to make me happy.

Speaker 1 How can you possibly sit there and and write that as a fan of the Washington football team?

Speaker 1 Good point.

Speaker 1 Doesn't add up.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 3 Hey, we got time. It's a 100-year war.
Thousand-year war. We got time.

Speaker 1 Thousand-year war.

Speaker 3 Washington football team.

Speaker 3 You know, I've been a fan of the now-called Washington football team up until recently. It was called the Washington Redskin team.
You know, I grew up outside of Dallas.

Speaker 3 I was the only, at that time, Redskin fan in Texas, man. I mean, I would go to,

Speaker 3 I went to Texas Stadium

Speaker 3 in a chamois. You know, the chamois you drive your car with?

Speaker 3 You know, I went in with a chamois wrapped around my waist with nothing but my underwear on under it and a rope wrapped around my waist, painted burgundy.

Speaker 3 Head to toe with a headdress on and was on the 50-yard line in Texas Stadium when the Redskins played the Cowboys.

Speaker 1 Was that four years ago? I wouldn't sneak out of church.

Speaker 3 Yeah, actually, I was about, I was in 19, I think, 78,

Speaker 3 79.

Speaker 3 I was at the

Speaker 3 last game at RFK. I have a mason jar with burgundy soil, grass from the soil from the end zone, last game of RFK.
First game at Jack Kent Cook. First game at FedEx Field.

Speaker 3 I've, you know, where I grew up wanting to be John Riggins, man.

Speaker 3 You know, 3.4 yards, I carry the diesel name desire, Mr. October, man.
In the backyard, you couldn't get me down because I was John Riggo Riggins, man. I grew up with the fun bunch.

Speaker 3 I'm hung out with Chase Down as a kid, Daryl Green.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 3 look at what the Redskins have done. Look at what they did with quarterbacks.
Look what Joe Gibbs did with quarterbacks from Jay Schrader to Rippin' to Doug Williams.

Speaker 3 Not journeymen that came in and were the right man for the job at that time.

Speaker 3 And along with the 49ers, I mean, what was it, the 90s or the 80s that we basically sort of owned with the 49ers? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Hey, here we go. Rebuilding again.
Let's see, man. We got to, you know, get the culture right over there.
Now, with the now-called Washington football team. What's the name going to be?

Speaker 3 What's the consensus out there?

Speaker 1 I'm pushing for Red Wolves. I'm pushing for the Washington Red Wolves.
I just think it'd be cool that you got the teeth, you got all the fans in the stands just making big howling noises.

Speaker 1 If they play a game when there's a full moon, that'd be incredible. You can't bet against them then.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 I like that. I just think that

Speaker 1 there are no professional football teams named after dogs, and everybody loves dogs, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but you got to watch. I mean, Red Wool is pretty aggressive.
I mean, you can't have the poodles, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 So, I mean, you still got to have some, you still got to go out there and have a pretty intimidating name.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 call them the Wolf Pack. Yeah, we were actually talking to the president of the Washington football team because I was born and raised in Northern Virginia, so I grew up watching those teams.

Speaker 1 And you're right, Joe Gibbs does not get enough credit because I think he's the only head coach, probably ever, probably from now even until the history of the NFL is written, that took three separate quarterbacks to three separate Super Bowl titles.

Speaker 1 That's pretty much impossible to do, especially now.

Speaker 3 And those quarterbacks didn't go on to be, you know, big, they weren't like first ballot Hall of Famers. They weren't like guys like, they weren't Brady's and Bate and Mannings.

Speaker 3 They were guys at the right time, second stringers that

Speaker 3 took the opportunity and ran with it, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This might be a weird question. I'm sure you've been asked it before, but when did you find out that like you were just cool? Like when was that moment?

Speaker 1 Did you know early on like I'm just cooler than people?

Speaker 1 Like that laughed.

Speaker 3 Man, I mean,

Speaker 3 I looked up to my big brother,

Speaker 3 Pat, and he was the coolest man. I mean, I write about it in the book.
He was my inspiration for Wooderson and Days Confused. Now, to this day, was he that guy?

Speaker 3 And he's like, you know, comes to me, thanks a lot, man. And I'm like, no, dude, here's, it was you.

Speaker 3 I remember mom and I went to go pick you up at school because your Z28, which is super fucking cool, was broke down. And we were picking you up from school.

Speaker 3 We couldn't find you because you weren't where you were supposed to meet us. And I'm in the back of the station wagon and I'm looking out.

Speaker 3 And I see this silhouette of this dude leaning against a wall, brick wall in the shadow section of the smoking section at school.

Speaker 3 He's got his left leg up, boot heel against a wall, hanging a cigarette in a lazy right hand, bringing it up, toking it. And I go, there's Pat.

Speaker 3 And I had to stop because I knew he'd get in trouble for smoking, but it was my brother. And man, in that image of my eyes outside the back of that station wagon, he was cooler than James Dean.

Speaker 3 He was 10 feet tall, man. He was the stud.

Speaker 3 And so that's who sort of Wooderson came based on.

Speaker 3 We've been taught, look, I think what's cool here's what's cool

Speaker 3 being yourself and being being cool with yourself and just not trying to be everything to everybody or trying you know

Speaker 3 I got no problem with nerds. I just don't like dorks.
Dork tries to be everything to everybody. You can't really trust them.
Yep. I know some nerds that are real cool.

Speaker 1 I know some very cool nerds.

Speaker 3 But I'm not a fan of dork. Give me an asshole before you give me a dork.
At least I know where the asshole stands.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Assholes can be cool too.

Speaker 1 I like that. By the way, you told a great story in your memoir about your brother Pat, who was adopted, and your parents said every year, like, let's go see your adopted, you know, your birth parents.

Speaker 1 And he said, no, no, no. And then when he was 19, he's like, all right, let's go do it.

Speaker 1 He shows up, he goes inside, meets him, comes back out in two minutes, and your parents are like, what's going on, Pat?

Speaker 1 And he's like, I just wanted to make sure my dad wasn't going bald because I'm starting to, my hair's starting to. He's trying to lose my hair.
And that was it.

Speaker 1 That was the only time he saw his birth parents. That's it.
That's That's cool. I want to see him again.
All right. That's cool.
That was cool. That's cool.

Speaker 1 That's really cool. One of the coolest things that you wrote in this book was a story about when you traded in your truck.
You thought you had all the answers at that point.

Speaker 1 You realized very quickly that you didn't. I actually think that story,

Speaker 1 it's a nice allegory, not just in sports, but in life. But if you want to kind of give the background of what you learned from that, I think that's really interesting.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So

Speaker 3 this is a good topic on cool, too, on what's cool and what's not cool.

Speaker 3 So I got a truck in high school. I'm the guy who parks in the first parking lot.
I got a speaker down in the grill in the front of the truck in the morning when all the students are going up to the

Speaker 3 class through the first parking lot.

Speaker 3 I'm the guy that's down there going, oh, look at Kathy Cook's jeans this morning looking good, you know, and everyone turns around and go, where's that coming from?

Speaker 3 And Kathy Cook gets embarrassed and we all laugh. Then I pop up and they know it's me and we're all having fun.
I'm the guy that danced to the party.

Speaker 3 I'm the guy that no matter what time we got to the concert, I'm going to work my, we're going to take my date, we're going to work our ass up to the front row and go rock.

Speaker 3 Well, I'm driving down the road one day in my truck and I go by this Nissan dealership and I see this candy red 300ZX sports car. I said, I just got to pull in there, man, and have a look at that.

Speaker 3 Well, it was hot shit. And then the guy was really motivated to sell it.
And I never had a sports car. And on the spot, I traded him in my truck for that red 300Z.

Speaker 3 Cut to the next day.

Speaker 3 I'm not parking in the first parking lot. I park in the third parking lot.
So, you know, nobody opened the doors and dent my candy or ZX, man.

Speaker 3 I'm also noticing that

Speaker 3 I think my car is such hot shit that I'm just going to get out and lean against that son of a bitch and just be cool and go look at me and my new red 300 ZX with T-tops.

Speaker 1 How cool am I? You became a dork.

Speaker 3 Well, the girls got disinterested, huh?

Speaker 1 You became kind of a dork when you got the cool car.

Speaker 3 Became kind of a dork relying on my car. Yeah.
You know, looking in the proverbial mirror at myself, letting wanting my car to do the work for me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, the girls got pretty disinterested pretty quickly.

Speaker 3 And when I'm saying in the after school, you want to go ride around with me and my red 300 CX with the T-tops down, they're like going, no, we're going to go mudding with Trey Hickman like we used to do with you.

Speaker 3 Well, after about a month and a half, things dry up for me, man. The chicks are not digging me and my red sports car that I'm leaning against in the third parking lot.

Speaker 3 And I realize, dude, you, you, you, you coup de garage yourself you out foxed yourself this red sports car is just talk about it's blue balling you man you you got to get rid of this son of a bitch so i went down and traded it in back in for my truck drove my truck back to school the next day, parked in that first parking lot, got on my megaphone, started chasing and being the fun guy again, engaged, and I was back in with the girls.

Speaker 3 That fucking red sports car almost screwed me for a while, man.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 3 But that was one of those deals. I was trying too hard.

Speaker 3 I wasn't working. I wasn't hustling.
I quit hustling. And I got the red sports car.
I thought I could do the work.

Speaker 1 I think it's a great story. It reminds me of what we talk about on this show with Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Dolphins.
You could put two in right now. He's your sports car.
But Ryan Fitzpatrick's fun.

Speaker 1 He's a truck. You never know what you're going to get with him.
Don't take Ryan Fitzpatrick away from us just yet. Run him until he's got 300,000 miles on him.
Then go get that sports car out.

Speaker 1 Right, right.

Speaker 1 Heard.

Speaker 1 Heard. We're going to get back to McConaughey in just a second.
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And now, more Matthew McConaughey.

Speaker 1 You've done a million movies. They're all, I mean, you've done some unbelievable movies.
You won an Oscar. You had your rom-com stretched.

Speaker 1 Did you have a moment where you're like, I'm just going to start making, I've done the rom-com thing, and now I'm just going to make kick-ass movies that everyone's like, these are incredible, and I'm an incredible

Speaker 1 actor. Did you have that moment in your head where you flip the switch?

Speaker 3 No, here's what happened.

Speaker 3 Here's what happened. So I'm rolling the rom-coms.
They're very successful. I'm the rom-com guy.
I took the baton from Hugh Grant years before and ran with it, right?

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 3 They're fun. They're easy.
I like doing them. They're paying well.
They're paying for the rent of my house on the beach that I'm running around surfing shirtless on. I'm like going, hell yeah.

Speaker 3 But around that time, I've met Camilla, my now wife,

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 we made a baby and had Levi. So I got a newborn.
All of a sudden, man, my life is more full than it's ever been. I'm, my life is vital, man.
I've had a newborn. I'm finally a father.

Speaker 3 I've met the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I get, you know, I laugh louder.
I love harder. I get, have more rage.
I have more joy. Life is just full, man.

Speaker 3 And the ceiling in the basement of how I'm feeling, life is alive. But in my work, I'm feeling kind of like, yeah, I could get another rom-com.
I could do that tomorrow morning. I did,

Speaker 3 I wasn't feeling the vitality I needed. I wasn't feeling challenged by it.

Speaker 3 So I said, I wonder if I can find some work that can challenge the vitality of my life that I'm living in right now and the man I am in it.

Speaker 3 Well, the work that I wanted to do to challenge that was not getting offered to me. Those movies I wanted to do, they were like, no, not with you, McConaughey.
You're the rom-com shirtless guy.

Speaker 3 We're not going to let you do this movie. Okay.
So I said, if I can't do what I want to do, I'm going to quit doing what I've been doing.

Speaker 3 And I remember talking with my money man saying, hey, I'm about to stop doing rom-coms and those things that are offered to me.

Speaker 3 How do I handle my money? Because you handle your money well. You can take off work for a while.
I check with my agent.

Speaker 3 I check with Camilla, man, drop many a tear on her shoulder going, I'm about to stop doing what I've been doing. And I don't know how long I'm going to go without work.
This could go on for a while.

Speaker 3 I'm going to get wobbly. You know what I mean? Geez, am I going to, you know, with no work and no significance to pursue every day? Am I going to, you know, am I going to start

Speaker 3 wanting to have a drink earlier in the day? You know what I mean? What's going to, what's going to, I'm going to need, I'm going to need to keep my, stay on the rails here.

Speaker 3 I'm going to need your, need your help with just not being able to work. You know what I mean? And man gets man's get significance from his work.
Yeah. And I'm choosing to say no more work.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 3 for six months, nothing came in but rom-com uh offers. And I got to tell you a funny story about this.
So, like, how puritanical was I about not doing these?

Speaker 3 This one comes in for an eight million dollar offer. I read it.
It's pretty good, but it's a rom-com. I say no.

Speaker 3 Comes back at a $10 million offer. I say no.
Comes back at a $12.5 million offer.

Speaker 3 Dot, dot, dot.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 Comes back at a $14.5 million offer. What did I say? Let me read that son of again.

Speaker 1 I read it.

Speaker 3 And I read it. And it was the exact same words as the original one, right? But man, it was better written.

Speaker 1 It was funnier.

Speaker 3 It was more dramatic. I had more angles on this thing.
I could make this work. It was the same words as the original offer, but a much more well-written script

Speaker 3 at that offer. Anyway, I passed.
When I passed on that, Hollywood sort of got the signal. Okay, McConaughey's not bullshitting.
He's not doing the rom-coms or the action comedies anymore.

Speaker 3 So another year goes by, nothing comes in. Nothing comes in.
I talk to my agent every couple of weeks, and it's just like nothing, nothing. A total of 20 months went by.

Speaker 3 And all of a sudden,

Speaker 3 Killer Joe comes my way. Mud comes my way.
Magic Mind comes my way. Paperboy, True Detective, I can get Dallas Buyers Club made.
All of a sudden, these movies and this run

Speaker 3 that I went on come to me.

Speaker 1 So why?

Speaker 3 Well, I unbranded in that 20 months.

Speaker 3 You didn't see me, the industry didn't see me as a rom-com guy. You didn't see me in the tabloid shirtless on the beach.

Speaker 3 So all of a sudden, Matthew McConaughey for this dramatic role is now a new novel good idea.

Speaker 3 And I good idea that I wouldn't have been 20 months prior.

Speaker 3 So I unbranded to rebrand, basically.

Speaker 1 That's awesome. Did you have a long it was going to go? Yeah, I mean, that takes a lot of guts, and it takes a lot of like $14.5 million.

Speaker 1 I will say you still have a little bit of the brand because I was looking up your IMDB, and the third thing you're most known for is habitually taking off his shirt.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 1 Guilty.

Speaker 1 You're a shirt-off guy. You're a shirt-off guy.
And we'll

Speaker 1 see you two.

Speaker 3 I mean, and I was a shirt-off guy

Speaker 3 since I was born. I never wore a shirt as a kid.
I mean, ever. I remember

Speaker 3 I used to

Speaker 3 play in the front yard in Uvalde on Getty Street. It was a busy street in town.
And I'd be out front and I'd be in my

Speaker 3 diapers, no shirt, no shoes. And I was a kind of a kind of a chubby little kid, right?

Speaker 3 And my oldest brother Rooster and his friends knew at this time of the day, I would be playing out front. And I'm like four years old.
And

Speaker 3 he had this Chrysler. And him and his buddies would get in it and they'd drive and

Speaker 3 they knew I'd be out in the front yard. So about a half a mile down driving by, they'd start going,

Speaker 3 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they got right in front of me and go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, fat man!

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 I'd jump rocks out there across the street

Speaker 1 and they

Speaker 3 drive by calling me fat man to the Batman theme, man, every damn day.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so I was,

Speaker 1 if I can go to weather where where i don't have to wear a shirt yes you damn right so did you have to consciously make an effort to like when you leave the house you got to put a shirt on today matthew because you might get your picture taken and then boom you're the rom-com guy again well i mean you know shit i became con you know i became conscious that at that time

Speaker 3 that became a thing

Speaker 3 all right i didn't don't regret doing it and i was going you damn right those rom-coms i'm doing i said pay for the rent that let me live on this in a house that's on this beach where I can go shirtless.

Speaker 3 Now, I don't know about you when you're on the beach, don't you like going shirtless? Yeah, so do I. So that's what I was doing.
Now, I noticed that it became a thing, though.

Speaker 3 And when it became a thing that

Speaker 3 the industry and maybe even most of the public excluded me from thinking I would, could be right for these other roles. That's when I was like, oh, okay, oh, hang on a minute.

Speaker 3 Let me be aware enough to go. Maybe I need to recalibrate here and play this game a little differently.

Speaker 3 Like I said, I didn't know what I couldn't do what I wanted to do, but I said, okay, I'm I'm going to quit giving them that because that's feeding into that pigeonhole that they're putting me in.

Speaker 3 So I consciously said, all right,

Speaker 3 I'm going to play this Joker card. I'm going to play a different hand here.

Speaker 1 As far as the movies that you've been in, do you go, do you watch them in theaters?

Speaker 3 No. I haven't even seen all my movies, man.
I love making them more than I love watching them.

Speaker 1 This movie you probably don't get asked about often, but I have to ask.

Speaker 1 Two for the money. Two for the money, yeah.
Did you do any research? Yeah. So we actually work with the guy who it's about, Stu Feiner, who is

Speaker 1 Al Pacino.

Speaker 1 We do the sports advisors show. It's actually a parody now of the original Sports Advisors, where we're terrible gamblers, but we give out picks every week, and it's ridiculous, and it's stupid.

Speaker 1 And Stu, we basically brought Stu back from the dead.

Speaker 1 Did you watch any of the original Sports Advisors to get a feel of what they were doing back in the day? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I did. i watched a lot i interviewed a lot i talked to my brother i got a story in the book about it my pat my brother middle brother man p-at

Speaker 3 he had it he had this one guy that he went on a 27 and two run

Speaker 3 he talked about it hot and i saw him and and i remember

Speaker 3 you know when someone tells a run in the middle of that run you don't want to you don't want to find out their picks when they're 27 and two you want to find out their picks when they're like you know six and oh and then ride them well we were all going to pack going, hey,

Speaker 3 what are the picks, man? And

Speaker 3 he was rolling. And

Speaker 3 obviously, when you're rolling, you start betting more. And I think it was that 30th game after 27-2 that he loaded up on an absolute diamond pick, man.
Absolute diamond lock.

Speaker 3 We bet the house. Bet the house.
And the team got, it was like a 17-team point favorite and they got waxed by 20.

Speaker 1 Well, Stu's still doing his thing. He's still giving out mortal locks, and they're not doing well, but he's still doing his thing.

Speaker 1 We'll get it to you.

Speaker 1 It's a trip to watch him

Speaker 1 because it really is kind of a parody of what he used to do, but he used to do it for real, and what the whole movie is about: of guys trying to get other people to buy their picks and to be like, I got the lock of the century.

Speaker 1 Don't worry, like, I've done all the research when really it's just kind of making shit up as you go along.

Speaker 3 Well, I've heard things of, you know, you know, that story about the which team, and let's, you know, put two bowls of dog food, see which one the dog goes to after the line.

Speaker 3 I mean, after Vegas makes that line, now there are, I talk about it in the book. I love the intangibles.

Speaker 1 Yes. You know,

Speaker 3 I don't like going to a tout service because I just want to sit there. I like the fun of when I think

Speaker 3 and believe that, you know,

Speaker 3 Miami is going to be jet lagged against Sam Fran. Yeah.
And they come out slow in the first half and end up in Sam Fran ends up covering.

Speaker 1 I'm like, fucking knew it.

Speaker 3 No shit, man. Jet lagged.
Man, they're constipated.

Speaker 1 They can't run around.

Speaker 3 They flew in too late. They flew in on Saturday instead of last Wednesday.

Speaker 3 Or Brett Favre, dad just passed away. Oh, he's playing for more than the game.
He's going to be unconscious tonight. Boom.
Well, you know, didn't. I love going, knew it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 one of the best bets I've ever made in my life was after Bevo passed, whichever the last one was. And you had to to bet on Texas when Bevo passes away.
And they won. That's it.

Speaker 3 Bevo passes away. Good reason to win.
Sylvester Salone opens up Lincoln Stadium for the Philadelphia Eagles.

Speaker 1 Yes, the Brandon Stadium.

Speaker 3 Do not bet on Philadelphia on Monday night because all the attention is on

Speaker 1 Rocky Balboa.

Speaker 3 And wow, isn't this stadium cool? And none of that shit has to do with the game on the field.

Speaker 1 But you, I actually have a tweet. I went and looked, like, I Google searched how many times I've mentioned you.
I have a tweet. You fucked me when you wore your orange tuxedo against Kansas State.

Speaker 1 And I have a tweet being like, could someone have told me McConaughey was sitting on the fucking bench in his orange tuxedo? My bet is fucked.

Speaker 1 Like, you were the motivate, the minister, what are you doing? Minister of Morale? Yeah, you covered.

Speaker 1 I was fucked.

Speaker 1 You fucked me on that one.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I was bringing about a four and a half point advantage there.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. There's a part of the book that it says that you bet on the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl.
Ooh.

Speaker 3 Oh, shit, fire. Yes.

Speaker 1 You missed.

Speaker 1 What went into that? What intangibles did you crunch in your head? Scott? You were just like, they're due, right?

Speaker 1 They can't lose again.

Speaker 3 I mean, to the charm, Jim Kelly, Andre Reed, Thurman Thomas. They got waxed last year.
They made it back this year. The Cowboys, I mean, they're calling the Cowboys like this dynasty.

Speaker 3 And I mean, and the night before, my brother and I had rolled on

Speaker 3 the blackjack table. So our pockets were full, relatively speaking, for us.
And we were going to let it all hang out on this day. So the line was huge.

Speaker 3 And while we were there in Vegas, the line jumped up, even like we found this one place that the line was two and a half points more than anywhere else. I think it got up to like 12 or

Speaker 3 maybe even 14. I don't remember what it was.
So we load up on everything the Buffalo billionaires you could. I mean, eight to one, Thurman Thomas will have more than Emmett.

Speaker 3 Andres have more than Irvin.

Speaker 3 Sack six to one,

Speaker 3 Jim Kelly over Aikman, 12 to 1. I mean, everything.
Bruce Smith, the MVP.

Speaker 3 And the Bills come out looking good. I think they were up, right? Yeah.
And we're dancing by in doubles, man. Not just for us, but for the whole damn bar.
Locke.

Speaker 3 Well, as you know, the second half, the Cowboys came out and waxed them and

Speaker 3 covered. And I remember,

Speaker 3 I remember walking out of there. You know that numb feeling? Because we got so high with the, we've done it.

Speaker 1 We knew it. We figured that we were going to win.

Speaker 3 We're going to dance our way back. We might even upgrade to first class to fly home.

Speaker 3 And then all of a sudden, whoop, and two coolers, gone. I remember

Speaker 3 we get out, we get out, and we're now catching a cab back to the holiday inn where we're staying. And this dirty, dusty ass cab pulls up.
And we get in the back. I'm looking out the back left window.

Speaker 3 My brother Pat's looking out the back right window, just kind of licking our wounds, man. Now the buzz is turning to hang over and we're getting really tired.
Break is starting to sweat.

Speaker 3 Kind of, I'm not even hungry. Our stomachs are too turned to even eat.
And we're like, ah, getting dry mouths. This sucks.
And all of a sudden we hear this voice, this guy goes,

Speaker 3 oh, you bet on the bills, did you?

Speaker 1 We look up.

Speaker 3 It's this cabby, big bearded kind of dirty. He's looking in the rearview mirror.
He goes,

Speaker 3 Fucking losers. Could have told you that.
Anybody betting on the bills against the Cowboys are fucking losers.

Speaker 1 The Cowboys were a lock.

Speaker 3 My brother, Pat, just goes,

Speaker 3 oh yeah, motherfucker. If you fucking knew it, what are you doing driving a fucking cab?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 3 It was like, oh, man,

Speaker 3 it was such a moment. My brother was so hot, but it was really an opportune comment at the time.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, you can't say that to somebody if you can tell that they just lost. You can't be like, yeah, it was a lock in retrospect.

Speaker 1 You just described basically every day for me on Twitter because every day after a game kicks off, everyone's like, you bet that, you fucking idiot. Like, this was guaranteed to go the other way.

Speaker 1 Well, thanks, man. It's already the third quarter.

Speaker 3 Well, after the fact, we all knew it.

Speaker 3 You know, that's what's fun about gambling. You know, after it's done, sure, you knew it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, so you don't put any stock at all in animals betting because my dog is 3-0 on Monday Night Football right now.
3-0 in games that start before 8:30 on Monday Night Football.

Speaker 1 So if you're looking for somebody to tail right now, I feel like my mastiff is off to a hot start. He might go 27-2.
I trust.

Speaker 1 Give me some tips, man. I trust the animal instinct to a certain point.
We had a goldfish that went 60% a couple years ago over the course of a whole season. Whole season.

Speaker 3 You can make a living on that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 There was one quote that you put in your book that you did not expand on, and I'm curious to hear the entire backstory behind this. This is like a throwaway line.

Speaker 1 If you're Matthew McConaughey, this is how cool you are. You can just toss this out here and forget that you even said it.

Speaker 1 You said, I've done peyote in Real de Catorse, Mexico in a cage with a mountain lion.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Then you just moved on from that.

Speaker 1 What's the story? How did that go down?

Speaker 3 Well, I'm in Real de Catorse and I had gone off on a sunrise walk with the shaman.

Speaker 3 And he was very, in a very cool

Speaker 3 way that a shaman can do slowly disseminating the peyote as we hiked up this huge mountain that took hours to hike up.

Speaker 3 And it was an awesome walk, and it was an awesome return. And when I got back down,

Speaker 3 on his property, there was this, he had this mountain lion in this cage. And I get up next to the cage, and

Speaker 3 under

Speaker 3 so-set influences of such peyote, I'm getting on the same frequency of the mountain lion. And the mountain lion's getting on the same frequency as McConaughey.

Speaker 3 And so now this mountain lion's up next to the gate and kind of just sticking whiskers through and I'm I'm I'm scratching his hunter

Speaker 3 and so I get confident that me and this mountain lion are on the same frequency. So I move over to the gate and enter so said cage.
Mountain lion jumps around.

Speaker 3 I move very slowly making sure to stay on the same frequency as so said mountain lion. I move over to the corner slowly sit down.

Speaker 3 For about an hour, this mountain lion parries back and forth and slowly starts getting a little bit closer and a little bit closer and a little bit closer until he comes up next to me and gets very close to my hand wanting to get some more itches under his chin like he did when I was outside of the cage.

Speaker 3 I slowly give him a little scratch. I don't intrude his space.
I lean back. Now after that, that son of a bitch is sitting in my lap purring.

Speaker 3 And I sat there for another hour and a half, spent about four hours total in the cage, then slowly got up and went my way. And it was a really incredible experience.

Speaker 1 Is that one that you look back on in the diary and you're like, you're scared for yourself in the past reading it sober? No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 No. I mean, no, I was, I was,

Speaker 3 you know, if you, I don't know if you've ever done a peyote trip with just peyote and water. And if you do it the right way with the shaman, I would say I was incredibly sober.

Speaker 3 I wasn't out of my mind at all. If anything, I was more in tune.

Speaker 3 than than than normal. That's a great thing about peyote done the right way.

Speaker 3 No, I don't look back on that at all. I look back on that and go, if anything, if you look through the book, there's times I've taken what would be considered risk that absolutely paid off.

Speaker 3 I would have regretted

Speaker 3 my instincts that I could make that work if I wouldn't have gone in.

Speaker 3 And you're just like that wrestling match in Africa. If I wouldn't have said yes to that challenge, I'd regret that to this day.

Speaker 3 And by saying yes to that challenge,

Speaker 3 gave me, he's given me gifts since because of the people I met, the lessons I learned, all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 1 It's also, you kind of have like an out there where if things go wrong and Matthew McConaughey dies tripping on peyote by a mountain lion, like that's pretty much the coolest way to die.

Speaker 1 You're a legend forever right there. So there's nothing but upside.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, you know, and to be part of the food chain. Right.
Which is, if I can, if we can, if I can go, I hope that's how it is. I hope it's not by a random drive-by.

Speaker 1 Right. You live forever.

Speaker 3 Move on as part of the food chain.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you live forever in that respect. There's probably also an element of the mountain line, just understanding that this was Matthew McConaughey.
He's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, this guy, this is the dude from the Lincoln commercials. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, this guy sits in his car and looks at longhorned bulls in the middle of the road and doesn't go around them. He decides to let them have the right of way, turns around and goes his own way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Plays pool pool while everyone's sitting at a dinner party and he's just cool about it.

Speaker 3 Sings trick shots in the other room while the rest of the people are in there having a dinner party.

Speaker 1 Do you write?

Speaker 1 Do you have anything to do with the creatives of those? Because it's very McConaughey to do an ad where you'll see guys do ads and you'll be like, oh, they're selling out.

Speaker 1 You somehow do ads that are like, oh, that's just McConaughey being cool. I didn't even realize it was an ad.

Speaker 3 Well, that was the goal. I mean, look, we got together.
I do work on those ads with them i mean we got together early on and said

Speaker 3 look i'm not gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna play

Speaker 3 a cool macahan i'm gonna move deliberately i'm going to move slowly me like the lincoln needs to i need to move deliberately i need to move with identity and confidence to always take my time and so then that led to well let's not be really loud in the commercial let's not make it really packed we actually looked at looked at the market and said all the ads out there are so damn loud can we make something that actually cuts through all that with the silence and i remember the first ad we came out with you know playing them on you know sundays during nfl football everything's ah then all of a sudden drop down and i remember at a bar and i remember people turning around to the tv like they were interrupted by the silence of the ad and then all of a sudden we're drawn to it and so we got fortunate that they stuck and now you know they can come on.

Speaker 3 And in about three seconds, you kind of know, even before I show up, oh, this is going to be McConnelly Lincoln at.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know, just by the sound design and how quiet is the tone, the pace, the shots, you know.

Speaker 1 Well, I want to thank you personally because I have a running joke that I'm trying to get Jeff Fisher another job coaching. It's been going on for probably about four years now.

Speaker 1 And I use the sometimes you got to go back to actually move forward for every single one. It's always the same.
So that has, if Jeff Fisher ever gets a job, you're partially to thank for that.

Speaker 3 Via you.

Speaker 1 Well, via you.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 Via you, via me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay, via us.

Speaker 1 Yes. It's perfect.
I don't know. I actually got the idea because someone, it got taken down, but someone made that

Speaker 1 with Harbaugh when he went back to Michigan because it was like the perfect. After he got hired, they made the hype video.
Sometimes you got to go back to actually move forward.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, my God. This is like, I have chills up and down my spine.

Speaker 1 and so then i was like let me just do this for jeff fisher even though he has no relation to any of these teams i just fucking threw it in there being like yeah you just because there's something about the glory days when you're trying to recapture like a team's you know it could work for texas you're trying to go back to move forward you're trying to get those glory days back joe but like i was saying earlier man about writing in diaries about not only when

Speaker 3 you're losing, write them down, write stuff down,

Speaker 3 dissect the success, right? Go write in your journal when things are going well. So you can look back and go, oh, yeah, I see what I was, oh, I'm not doing that anymore.
I took that for granted.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'm complacent in that area. Oh, I see.

Speaker 3 It can be a good map for going, how do I get back on track and have more success or satisfaction?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I always, I've tried to journal in previous careers.
It was like highly recommended to me to keep a diary, keep a journal every day, write down what worked, what didn't work.

Speaker 1 But there's nothing more daunting than just sitting down and looking looking at an empty page. And then it's like, where do you start describing your day?

Speaker 1 So when you start describing your day in your journal,

Speaker 1 are you just like listing out the things that happen? Or how much writing does it take for you to get into the real introspective parts?

Speaker 3 No, I mean, sometimes it's just a word. It's something I'll hear somebody say.

Speaker 3 It's something I'll say that I'll off the cuff and someone will go, oh, and I'll go, what did I just say? And I'll go, well, I'm going to write that down. I didn't even think about saying it.

Speaker 3 And I said that. And it's a phrase that'll capture something.
It's why I love when I talk about bumper stickers bumper stickers don't they're kind of informal cool ways to

Speaker 3 they let you know who the hell is behind the behind the wheel man they tell you their politics they tell you if they got a family they tell you what denomination they are they tell you if they're pro-guns or not they tell you if their kids are an honor old student or a badass they you can learn so much from a damn bumper sticker it doesn't tell you what to do and it's a very informal way of learning a lot through a certain sort of bumper sticker stereo type of situation.

Speaker 3 And then pull up and have a look at the people in the car and see if they match what that bumper sticker looks like how much did they match what was in your mind about how you thought who how you thought they were going to look or you see people

Speaker 3 next to you at the red light and you look at them and you get an idea of who they are and then they pull forward and then you look at their bumper sticker does it match what their bumper sticker is you know what i mean so i'll have ideas you know and work off of that's what i call bumper stickers in the book i'll have a one-liner that i'm like oh that applies to a lot let me take that out into my life and see how i can apply that aphorism.

Speaker 3 Once you know it's black, it's not near as dark. Well, that's basically a bumper sticker for saying,

Speaker 3 hey,

Speaker 3 COVID sucks.

Speaker 3 Let's admit it sucks. It's here for a while.
So let's get on with it. Cause I know it's black.
Now that I'm admitting it's black, it ain't near as dark.

Speaker 1 So you can subscribe to many things.

Speaker 1 Blew my mind. How many times a day do you say things and then have other people tell you what you just said should be a bumper sticker?

Speaker 3 um because i've just picked out like four or five i'm told i'm pretty good at yeah i mean i'm told i'm i i i i i i'm pretty good at slogans i know i'm good i've always been told i'm good at nicknames um after i get to know somebody um

Speaker 3 i don't know i love boiling things down i'll read a story i'll i'll read you know an article and then i love deconstructing down like what is three words or a one-liner or a cool way to phrase that entire article in a way that is affirmative, that feels like a verb, that feels like a bumper sticker.

Speaker 3 I love to boil things down and deconstruct things down to a one line, a one word, you know.

Speaker 1 Do you read books? And that sounds musical.

Speaker 3 I like lyrics. I love music.
So, like, I think of them as like lyrics.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, are you a book guy?

Speaker 1 Am I what guy? A book guy. Do you read books?

Speaker 3 No, not really.

Speaker 1 Mostly like.

Speaker 3 I'm a very, very slow reader, and I haven't read many books, actually, in my life.

Speaker 3 You know, we weren't really pressed to read by my parents. My mom was very much a,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 we couldn't watch TV, you really couldn't read a lot. She was always like,

Speaker 3 why read about or watch somebody do something that you can just get your ass out there and go do yourself? She was always real active, go out and go do it, go experience it, get into life.

Speaker 3 So we weren't raised to read much. And then as I got older, I tried to read and I still do read, but I'm a very, very slow reader.

Speaker 3 And the reason is, I think, say, if I'm reading, you know, philosophy or some motivation or something, I'll read men. You ever read Emerson's essay on self-reliance?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I did in college.

Speaker 3 Dude, it's wicked badass. It's so damn good.
Well, I've read that twice, but it's taken me 20 years to read it twice. Even though it's only like 15 pages.

Speaker 3 The reason is I'll read one paragraph and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's heavy, dude.

Speaker 3 I'm going to take that paragraph into life every day and see if I can apply it and see what the reverb is, see if it pays me back, see if my life changed a little bit, see if my interactions change a little bit, see if the way I see the world changes a little bit.

Speaker 3 And I'll work on that damn thing for a month, that one paragraph, before I can move on to the next one. So I'm a very slow reader in that respect.

Speaker 1 So I would assume, though, Green Lights, your memoir, which is out October 20th, there's going to be an audiobook, which will be the greatest audio book of all time if you narrate it, correct?

Speaker 3 I performed it, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's...

Speaker 3 I just did it the other day.

Speaker 1 I did it the other day. I don't know how that's not like the best audio book of all time already.

Speaker 1 Just with your voice telling your stories, I would imagine that's, I mean, that's, how do you not get that? How do you not get that?

Speaker 3 It was fun, man. It was fun.
And I get to play, you know, like all the story, these stories in the, most of these stories in the book, I perform them. I tell them at dinner parties.

Speaker 3 I tell them around the campfire. I've told them.
I performed them. So you're getting my innuendo when my voice goes up and you're getting my voices when I do the Australians, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 3 But then I had to go to the written word. You don't get all that.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 I thought right in the book that I could record myself telling the best version of the story and just transcribe that to the page and that would be the best version of the page. It was not.

Speaker 3 It was 30% too long. The written word, the written stories are 30% shorter than the performed vocal stories.
So when I did the audio book,

Speaker 3 I got to play the voices, play the characters, give you the little pauses, the nonverbal cues of mmm,

Speaker 3 whatever that is. Yeah, so being able to perform the stories was a whole lot of fun.
It was probably my favorite read of the book for me

Speaker 3 when I got to read it out loud. Yeah.
And review those times and perform them all in sequence through the entire book.

Speaker 1 I'd imagine. All right, so I had one last question.
I found this. I love the scene in Wolf of Wall Street when you do the chest bumping.

Speaker 1 And then I read a story that you that actually you do that before you go and act every single time to pump yourself up. Yeah, so can we do that once? Can we just do it?

Speaker 3 You want to do the Wolf Wall Street one?

Speaker 1 No, or the one, or just the Matthew McConaughey, whatever you're feeling right now, because you said you do it in a different like tune or whatever you're feeling.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we can do that all day.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, who's that bird? That was in the cool bird. Yeah, that's fucking sick.

Speaker 3 I'll do that before, you know,

Speaker 3 before I'm going to go give a speech. You get nervous or something.
Try it. It'll get you out of your head.
And it'll sort of also doing that on your chest will lower your voice and relax you.

Speaker 3 And it makes people go, what the fuck is he doing?

Speaker 3 Which is also a good tool because they think you're out of your mind, which is usually somewhat true, which gives you an advantage when you go do what you do because you feel like you're on an island.

Speaker 1 Also, just the human body craves contact. So you start slapping yourself around a little bit.
You're like, okay, now I'm living. Yeah.
This is life. Blood flowing, Matt.
Oh, love it. I love it.

Speaker 1 Well, this has been awesome, Matthew. Everything we wanted and more.
Everyone, go buy green lights out October 20th, your memoir. Great read, great listen when the audio book comes out.

Speaker 1 And thank you so much. We really appreciate it, man.

Speaker 3 I enjoyed it, man. Y'all have a great one.
Let me know those picks, whatever your dog picks for Monday Night Football.

Speaker 1 All right. And if Jeff Fisher comes around, let me know.
I'll tweet it at you. And good luck trying to get Texas back.
I don't know if that will ever happen, but you'll see.

Speaker 1 And we'll make the Red Wolves happen, too. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 We be in process. We be in process.

Speaker 1 Help them. All right.
See you, man. See ya.

Speaker 1 McConaughey was brought to you by Dude Wipes.

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Speaker 1 Eligibility and member terms apply. Okay, let's wrap up the show, guys on chicks.
Henry,

Speaker 1 away you go.

Speaker 1 Sucks that the Bachelorette is on Tuesday nights now. Yeah, I'm going to watch The Bachelorette tonight.
You know what I might do? Fuck it. Your boy might fuck around and write a Bachelorette blog.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. You're going in on Trent's turn.
Going back in. Well, I'm going to do it differently than Trent.
Okay. I'll let Trent get his out first.

Speaker 1 No, I'm just going to do it. I'm going to approach it a little bit differently.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I could never touch Luggage Guy's blog.

Speaker 1 Go, Hank.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 I guess I'm not doing a blog anymore since Big Cat made me feel like shit about it. Well, no, you should do a blog.
It's a blog. No, I don't want to.

Speaker 1 There are some

Speaker 1 people at this office that they're like. likely to do.

Speaker 1 I don't want to encroach on Trent's blog. I just thought it would be good to blog my blog on it.
You know what? Blog it on Thursday. Yeah, I'll do the DVR.
Yeah, do it on Thursday.

Speaker 1 Do it two days later. That's a good thing.
That would be perfect. Yes, there.

Speaker 1 Maybe I'll review Trent's blog. That would be good, too.
Okay, boom. And then it's just a bunch of hyperlinks back to the list.
There you go. The ecosystem feeds on itself.

Speaker 1 This comment by Trent was really spot-on. Yeah.
Hyperlink Trent's blog. Yeah, my countdown of the 10 best parts of Trent's blog about the bachelor.
Perfect.

Speaker 1 Why when my husband goes to grab/slash slap my butt, he always tries to slip a finger somewhere. I feel like a little grab and go would suffice.
Hmm. He's a little credit card swipe.
Well, the finger,

Speaker 1 the finger is different than the swipe. Yeah, dig, yeah, dingleberries.
He's just checking the oil. That's what we call it.

Speaker 1 Take a look at the dipsticks.

Speaker 1 Nothing's more romantic than checking your wife's butt for dingleberries. I honestly think that he's this is him trying to just like slowly push the boundary until you accept other things.

Speaker 1 Yeah, line stepper. I think you got to, if you're not into it, you got to shut him down early or else he'll never learn.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Should I tell my boyfriend yes to having a threesome? Yes.

Speaker 1 But then say you met with two guys, right?

Speaker 1 Done. Makes a difference.
Just flip it on and be like, oh, that's not the type of threesome you wanted. Okay.

Speaker 1 But yes.

Speaker 1 Sup, boys. Just be cool about it.
Just do it. Why not? It's such a weird question to ask your wife.

Speaker 1 It's just a weird question in general. You got to ask that.
Can we have a threesome?

Speaker 1 I'm calling bullshit on girlfriend, not wife.

Speaker 1 But it's also like threesome is, I think you either know or you don't.

Speaker 1 I don't think you have the conversation like, hey, let's have a three. Like, it's either like, hey, this is something that will be in the cards or is in the cards or it's not.
But you know what?

Speaker 1 It's the perfect excuse to get out of a relationship. Right.
Because if you say, yes, you want a threesome and then you have the threesome, then you'd be like, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm not cut out for the single life right now. Right.
So if you're looking to get out, then yeah, maybe get laid one, like go out in a blazic lorry, have great sex, and be like, see ya. I like it.

Speaker 1 Sup, boys, especially Jeep Wrangler hating Hank. Is that true? Yeah, remember Mel Rushmore? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm single for my birthday. It's a callback.
I'm single for my birthday this year, and I'm turning 26 in about two weeks. Your PFT's age.

Speaker 1 Any tips on how I can finesse a guy into sending me flowers/slash food? Send it to yourself. Yeah.
It's a power move. Send it to your own office.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in the office setting. Yeah.
Let everyone know. Send multiple.
Like, yeah, I'm dating around.

Speaker 1 But you can have some too. Send yourself like an order of cookies or cake.
Yep. And then share that with everybody.
Yep. Send yourself a card with like $1,000 cash in it.

Speaker 1 Like, wow, this is awesome. What a birthday.
Hi, Big Cat. That's not lonely at all.

Speaker 1 Send yourself money. Go to the ATM, pay a $4 withdrawal fee.
Send yourself $500 cash.

Speaker 1 Hey, Big Cat, playoff PFT and frog lover Billy. My boyfriend and I play together in a co-ed softball league.
He's a really great-loving guy, but he gets way too competitive at these games.

Speaker 1 Oh, you think? He is also blowing our budget, buying arm sleeves, eye black, batting gloves, sunglasses, and his mullet haircut so that he can look like Chris Bryant.

Speaker 1 The problem is that he's one of the worst players in the entire league. Oh, no.
He always makes mistakes in the infield, but he refuses to give up position. Oh.
He gets on base.

Speaker 1 He points and blows kisses to the sky like he's Big Poppy. Oh, no.
Yesterday, he struck out, and I saw people laughing at him.

Speaker 1 I have not played competitive softball at any level, and yet I have not struck out at all this season.

Speaker 1 Last week, he almost caused us to forfeit when a batter hit the ball too hard back at him, and he refused to keep pitching until the guy apologized.

Speaker 1 He's been thrown out of two games this season, and it's really embarrassing having to leave with him while he's still young at the Empire from the parking lot.

Speaker 1 I feel like I should say something, but I don't want to crush him. What should I do? How do I fix this? Please help.

Speaker 1 At this point, I actually think what you just described, he might be, it might be a cry for help. He might be like, I want to stop playing.
I keep trying to get kicked out of games, striking out.

Speaker 1 Like, someone say something. This guy actually seems like the coolest guy ever.
He's like Kenny Powers. Yeah, exactly.
He's been watching too much Eastbound and Down.

Speaker 1 He's also delusional. I would actually, I would recommend dosing him with either some sort of sedative or maybe 3G, maybe just like weed before the game.
Try to melt him out a little bit. Yeah, this.

Speaker 1 Just get him in a video game so at least when he's spazzing out it happens within your own house.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the worst the worst guys in intramural sports are batting glove guy who sucks and mouth guard guy who sucks in basketball. Like if you're one of those guys, it's just you can't do it.

Speaker 1 You can't do it.

Speaker 1 You got to pick something else because everyone's laughing at you. I've got another guy that really stinks.
The high sock guy in kickball. Yes, yes, big time.
Big time.

Speaker 1 Hey, guys, how do I slash should I even bring up to my boyfriend that I don't like a girlfriend of his because I'm convinced she's in love with him? I've never had an issue with any of

Speaker 1 any of my boyfriend's other friends, but I have felt the same way since I met her a year ago. She had a boyfriend for a sec, but doesn't anymore.

Speaker 1 Now she sees my boyfriend more than I do because we are long distance in the pandemic, but they live and work in the same area. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Also, can I unfollow her on Instagram? Thanks. Yeah, so you're not as sneaky as you think you are because the guy absolutely already knows that you hate this girl.

Speaker 1 It's so easy to tell when a girl is talking about one of your friends that she does not care for because she will have the smile on her face that makes her look like a serial killer from a movie.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh, that's so cute that she's coming over. And just, he knows.
He knows.

Speaker 1 I think the only solution here is that you got to have a threesome with them and then afterwards be like, she kind of sucked at sex. That's the only way.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Need some input from PFT. My boyfriend has been in R Words WFT team his whole life, and every week he tells himself he won't get upset at their games, but still does.

Speaker 1 We recently moved to Baltimore, and he always jokingly says he will switch to a Ravens fan, but hasn't yet. I think he should switch teams in

Speaker 1 a confident franchise, but he tells me he can't. Any advice, P.S., go Duke.

Speaker 1 Okay, would you rather have a Washington football team fan that kind of gets a little bit upset but is used to losing for three hours a week on Sundays, or a guy whose entire lifestyle becomes wearing purple, gray, and black camo cargo shorts like six days a day?

Speaker 1 Fighting with me online. You're fighting with Big Cat online and just getting pissed off and just smelling like crab chips all day and mispronouncing his L's.

Speaker 1 Because if you switch to becoming a Ravens fan, that is

Speaker 1 a much heavier commitment

Speaker 1 than casually hating

Speaker 1 Ray Lewis. Oh, yeah.
Then you have to have all these counter arguments ready for when people bring up Ray Lewis or Ray Rice.

Speaker 1 It just becomes exhausting. That's a lot.
That's a lot of work. Yeah, he's going to have to get a Joe Flacco poster.
Yep, it's a lot of work.

Speaker 1 I would much rather just deal with having a football team fan that has false hope every Sunday.

Speaker 1 My boyfriend is partially deaf. How do I get his attention when he's watching football without screaming and pissing off our neighbors?

Speaker 1 I feel like that's something he should have figured out. You got to get a laser pointer and just shine it in his eyes occasionally.
Yeah, pots and pans. Or just laser and shine it onto your nipples.

Speaker 1 And that's good for a lot of people. Or just turn off the TV.

Speaker 1 Sup, boys, especially.

Speaker 1 Have you heard about this new CIA device? I read about this last night. This shit's crazy.
It'll blow your mind.

Speaker 1 The CIA and the Russian version of the CIA, the KGB, has this new weapon where they can fire it at somebody and it gives you a pounding headache and makes you throw up, but you can't hear it.

Speaker 1 You can't feel it. They can hit you from outside of a building with it.
Jesus Christ. So, yeah, you should get one of those.
Hangover weapon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it gives you PMS. It gives guys PMS when you hit them with it.
Get one of those. Billy's got a question.
No, no, no. Weren't they doing that in Cuba? Allegedly.

Speaker 1 There was some like sound-type stuff that they were using. But yeah, it seems pretty badass.
China, too. I found a drawer full of bottles of piss in my boyfriend's dresser.

Speaker 1 I'm too afraid to ask him about it. Should I assume he's too lazy to go to the bathroom late at night? What do you want to do?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, hey,

Speaker 1 well, the only question you should ask is, do you need me to throw out your piss for you?

Speaker 1 That's really the only question there.

Speaker 1 There's no other question. Every guy has a drawer filled with a piss bottle and a rug that they jack off on.
I actually have a briefcase. I have a briefcase full of piss.
I mean, I drag mine around.

Speaker 1 I had a piss bottle or two that kind of fell down between the bed and the wall back when I was in college.

Speaker 1 That's what, like, college, I remember it because it was like the bathroom was really far away. It really depends.
College is disgusting. It really depends how far away your bathroom is.

Speaker 1 Caleb and Roan.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Caleb and Rohan do these concussion protocol videos, and like they're on campuses, and they'll have B-roll of these college apartments.

Speaker 1 And I just like shudder, and I remember how disgusting my college apartment was. That's just, you just don't realize it at the time.
You don't care. Why would you care?

Speaker 1 So, just let him women progress in life a little bit faster than men. Let him have his piss drawer.
Hey, boys, mainly handsome Hank. My boyfriend is pretty out of shape.

Speaker 1 I don't know why you mainly attacked me, but not a fan, not fat, but he has love handles, a small gut, and pretty skinny, undefined arms. Yeah, he's fat.
Couldn't be me.

Speaker 1 Whenever I suggest he works out, he claims that he has functional athleticism and doesn't need to work out because he's good at sports.

Speaker 1 Again, none of this could be me. Could not be me.
He says that guys who are jacked are bad at sports, and that's the reason they work out. Is there any truth to this? Yes.

Speaker 1 Guys who work out too much suck at sports. They can't shoot a basketball.
They can't throw a ball. They get muscle balance.
It's absolutely true. The problem with your boyfriend here is

Speaker 1 his functional athleticism.

Speaker 1 Was it in high school? Well, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 He thinks he has it, but he might not have.

Speaker 1 So, really, yes, he is right, but you need to basically give him a test, like an aptitude test, once a year to make sure he still has his functional athleticism.

Speaker 1 Because if he doesn't, he will then go to the gym. Like, if you if you'd have him, if you throw a ball to him and he doesn't catch it, he'll be like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 You need to put him through a combine, a boyfriend combine.

Speaker 1 So, Rhea, here's what you do: you just test him once a year, maybe when you're on one of your vacations, and you have him play beard eye and spike ball.

Speaker 1 And as long as he doesn't injure himself doing either one of those two things, then you're good to go. Maybe some some whiffle.
That's his functional athleticism.

Speaker 1 Can you ask this person that wrote in

Speaker 1 how long it's been since he won a regional wiffle ball tournament? Because if it's been longer than a couple years ago,

Speaker 1 it was Corona this summer. It didn't happen.

Speaker 1 How many 16-year-olds did you beat to win that?

Speaker 1 We actually beat guys older than us, but

Speaker 1 we ran through a few like 12-year-old teachers

Speaker 1 to get to the championship. Was there ever a moment you're like, wait, we're playing 12-year-olds? No, absolutely not.

Speaker 1 Win at all costs. All right, is that it? That's it.
All right, let's do a number to end the show. Great show.
We're sticking with eight.

Speaker 1 By the way, we did a hand shuffle, so we can see if it makes a difference. Okay, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight.
Most of the lower numbers went up to the top. Oh.
Wombats, poop, cube-shaped poop.

Speaker 1 Can you hit this? Can you hit this? 8-6. It's on the wrong side, by the way.
Can you hit it? 8-8-8. I'll go 44.
The button.

Speaker 1 Just hit one.

Speaker 1 44. 44.
I've learned it. 49.
69. Will we ever get it?

Speaker 1 Oh! Oh, two bars. 39.

Speaker 1 38. 38.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Fuck. All right.
Live to see another day. All right.
See everyone on Friday. Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Don't kill.

Speaker 1 I don't know what

Speaker 1 to say. I'd say it anyway.

Speaker 1 Today is another day to find you shy away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on me.

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 gone.

Speaker 1 Sound needless to say.

Speaker 1 Paul said it's about being so a little bit.

Speaker 1 Spelling the mind, it's okay.

Speaker 1 Say after me.

Speaker 1 It's no better to be saved than sorry.

Speaker 1 Drink on me.

Speaker 1 Drink on me.