Neil deGrasse Tyson, SEC Preview With Andy Staples, And NFL Week 3 Preview

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have Neil deGrasse Tyson. Long time coming, great conversation with the smartest man that's ever appeared on this show.
Apologies to Mr. Portnoy.
Neil deGrasse Tyson on the show, Great conversation about space. God knows what.
Just being smart, being smarter than us. We also have our good friend Andy Staples.
Little SEC preview. College football finally feels like it's fully back this weekend with the big boys playing.
We also had some great news in college football today, which we'll get to. Weekend preview, NFL picks, can't lose parlay.
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Okay let's go. Boy! Boy!

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Today is Friday, September 25th. And PFT, I feel stupid because I should have seen the Fitzmagic game coming.
Week 3, primetime, Dolphins, Jaguars, gross, gross, gross. Of course course Ryan Fitzpatrick is going to ball out and probably give himself another what three years three years on his contract 17 for 19 at the time of this taping 160 yards two touchdowns we're taping with eight minutes left it's Fitzmagic season they should make a rule that whoever drafts the highest quarterback has to start Fitzpatrick for at least three games at the start of the season.

So like Trevor Lawrence, when he goes to the Eagles,

Fitzpatrick should have to start for them.

Second highest quarterback.

The first highest quarterback needs to go wherever Tyrod Taylor is

so that he can lose his job to either the quarterback or a needle in his heart.

Yeah, getting a shot.

He got Nick Cage from the rock. He got like an adrenaline shot, a hypodermic needle.
I don't want to – Put directly – what? I just remember that you haven't seen Pulp Fiction. I haven't seen Pulp Fiction.
I mean, come on, dude. I missed it.
I haven't seen it either. The reference there is Pulp Fiction.
Oh, I know the references. I know the golden suitcase.
The reference is Pulp Fiction. But in The Rock, Nick Cage stabs himself.
No, but in Pulp Fiction, he gets stabbed in the heart. There's the other adrenaline.
Yeah. So I guess it's a common thing in late 90s action drama films.
So, yeah, it's unfortunate. But Tyrod Taylor, he will be starting.
I guess he'll go to Philadelphia next year. And then Trevor Lawrence.
And then who do you think is the number two pick? The second best quarterback coming out this year. Oh, it's actually, you ready for this? Yeah.
His name's Trey Lance. Trey Lance.
Trey Lance. That is a big time.
Actually, it's probably going to be Justin Fields. But Trey Lance is going to be a first rounder probably.
North Dakota State is playing a single game just so Trey Lance like have a show off yeah trey lance he's uh he's a sophomore right yeah yeah so he's awesome he is he is the shit um trey also to the to the to this mock draft i'm reading right now has trey lance late in the first round to the saints okay so how many quarterbacks in the saints gonna have i don't know all of them collect them all but trey, was he the guy that I think he didn't throw a single in completion in the national championship game last year? I love Trey Lance. Is that the dude? Oh, and then we just had the ultimate Fitzpatrick play where he just threw the ball off a lineman and then caught it himself and ran.
Amazing. So Thursday night in general, we should have seen this coming because Thursday night is just a Fitzmagic game even if Fitzpatrick isn't playing.
Right. There's always one quarterback or something weird happens.
That is the ultimate Fitzpatrick play. Right off of the face mask, catches it for a three-yard gain.
He's probably like his third highest receiver this game. The beard is flowing.
The humidity is working on it. Minshew looks – he doesn't look like Minshew tonight.
I think he just – game recognizes game. Like Minshew, if he had his way, 15 years from now, he has Ryan Fitzpatrick's career.
I feel bad for him too because he missed a wide open Conley for a sure touchdown and the booth just spent, I don't know, 10 minutes being like, you're going to – Trey Hickman just said, you could play for 20 years and never have a guy this open. He was open by like 15 yards.
Yes. It was was ridiculous but i will say this about minstree even though he's not playing really well he still looks decisive when he plays when he makes mistakes decisively bad and that's all you can hope for like in life that's actually a good life lesson as long as you look like you know what you're doing and you're decisive when you do it people will assume that you have your act together like rex grossman was a good example of that he He never hesitated when he threw an interception.
Yeah, you just have to be like, I can throw it anywhere at any time. Who cares if there's someone there? You know what I'm saying? When you see somebody, and they might be the wrongest person ever, but when they say things confidently enough, you're like, yeah, that person.
Like Mel Kuyper, for example. It's Neil deGrasse Tyson.
We're about to have him on. Mel Kuyper gets maybe 10% of his picks correctly, but he is so decisive and he will yell at you if you disagree with him that he's made an entire career out of it.
Yeah, a preview of the Neil deGrasse Tyson interview. We asked him if he ever says, like, I don't know, and his answer was essentially, like, yeah, to this one question that no one knows.
He just answers everything that he knows. Yeah.
Also, in Thursday night, I picked picked up i think there's a trend emerging here all grudens uh hate wearing the face masks yeah well they wear them but they wear them like around like a chin strap yep and so john got fined what a hundred thousand dollars which is uh one ashtray money one percent of his salary this year and uh yeah i just think that for gr Gruden's Gruden should not be forced to wear masks.

They're too beautiful.

You can't cover up the kick the shot of coronavirus anyway.

So we're going to get to our preview.

We have to get through a little bit of news beforehand.

So where do we want to start?

The coward playing the hits. I love Colin.

Like this is people were very mad.

But I asked you this. What Colin Coward did his Carson Wentz backwards hat, not a franchise quarterback, even wore an Eagles hat and showed how stupid he looks with a backwards hat.
But, like, if you go to a concert, you want to hear the hits. Yes.
You don't want to hear the album they're working, the new album they're trying to put out there, the new material. You want to hear the hits.
Colin Coward, when you watch his show, you want to hear him tell everyone that if a quarterback puts on their hat backwards, they're immediately garbage. Yes, and I think we're actually the ones getting played by getting mad about it.
Oh, I'm not mad. Yeah, if you're still getting mad at Colin Coward for doing this bit, that's the reason why this bit exists in the first place, for turning it backwards.
As a matter of fact, actually, I think, Colin, I think all sports radio talk show hosts should wear shirts and ties. Enough of this unbuttoned top thing.
I think you look unprofessional when you do it. I would rather listen to Max Kellerman be wildly incorrect than somebody that doesn't look like.

I can almost see Colin Coward's nipples right now.

It looks like your collarbone is swallowing your nipple like a sinkhole.

I'll go one further, and I'll say that I am a leader in this industry.

All sports media journalists.

What do we even call?

Is Coward even a journalist?

All sports media people must admit when they dye their hair. Cow you for your service yes coward you fucking coward uh yeah no it's crazy that people get mad about this i i actually it's a stupidity test like if you get actually upset at colin coward doing the backwards hat bit you are a moron yeah when he first did it it was like what is this guy talking about if he stopped doing, that's when you know that there's a problem because he's got some takes that he's cooking up that are wildly problematic.
Do you think so? Like, did did someone fuck Coward's wife with a backwards? Yeah. I think a lot of people did.
What happens if his daughter has a boyfriend who wears a backwards hat? Oh, I guarantee you that he has backwards because it's's deep. It's deep-seated.
Yes. He sees a backwards hat

and he's fate on sight. Maybe

he's a big fan of the sun

and he respects the sun. Use that

brim. The good Lord gave you a bill on that cap

for a reason. So yeah, good job

by Coward. So the other thing we had to talk about,

Pac-12 is back. Mountain West is back.

Everything is back. Everything is great.

And on top of all that,

bowl games this year, you don't need to be over 500 every single team is eligible i hope that they make 200 bowls away that's that's too many because there's not that many teams playing i hope they make the maximum amount of bowls even if it's like a bunch of teams that have one win have them play all together like know, just on the same field at the same time.

Midnight madness.

When they used to play, you know, they'd have college basketball for 24 hours straight.

Give us a midnight madness of bowl games.

And the worse, the shittier the team, the better.

You know, it can be it can be.

Thank you to football fans night where they played all those games and they do them on

local high school fields.

Yes.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Except Rutgers.

You're not eligible.

No, I just want to make eligible. Really? Greg Shiano bowl eligible.
Eliana bowl eligible the haters said it would never happen they're all glad to be on the right side of history let everyone be eligible um and then the last thing we had to talk about before we get to our nfl preview uh basketball so we're gonna actually update who wins the lakers nuggets game at the end of the show after the interviews the lakers Lakers are going to win by six and a half, if I have my way. Yeah.
And then, Hank, the Celtics. You got heroed.
Yeah. You worried? Badger for life.
Well, Mr. I am a bucket.
He is a bucket. Yeah.
You doubted him. You shouldn't have.
I didn't doubt him. I didn't even consider him a factor.
So, I guess that's doubt. It's just like, who is this guy? Oh, it's Duncan Robinson.
No, it's Tyler Hero dropping 40 on the Celtics. Baby goat.
I love it. Jake.
Oh, Hank. Just a kid.
So Hank's struggling right now because Jake whooped his ass in ping pong and is whooping his ass. The heater whooping the Celtics ass.
So he's dealing with series isn't over. There's some.
Oh. On aggregate, it's actually tied.
On aggregate, it's actually 441 to 441. And technically, you are right.
Tomorrow night is another game, so the series is not over. I think the Celtics could still win in seven.
Maybe if Bam's wrist falls off? Yeah, if his left wrist falls off. Celtics have been in every game.
They've been making mistakes. They just had a million turnovers in the beginning of the fourth quarter, but they could have won that game easily.
If Jimmy Butler flashes back to 2016 Jimmy Butler, then yes. But that's not the player that we're dealing with right now, Hank.
I just have to hope. Sometimes I insinuate that the league might be rigged, and I just have to hope that maybe it is.
Wouldn't it be rigged for the Celtics? I'm telling you, I have to hope that that's the case.

Does not want Lakers' Celts.

Right, well.

No, that's what I'm saying.

Oh, okay, I got you.

I'm hoping that that's the case.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LeBron, the Lakers have rigged it

because they complained,

they officially complained to the NBA

that LeBron isn't getting enough fouls called.

And look at that.

He has, I think, like six fouls,

free throw trips tonight.

I also thought there was like a dress code and hes wearing two different colored shoes which is just seems illegal what is it this coward take no that's that's just i don't like my players with two i don't think they are two different colored shoes i think oh they are yeah they are they fully are i thought it was one of those like the inside and the outside wow all right i'm with you that's illegal i like it when players wear the the neon shoes because it just reminds me NBA Jam when you're on turbo mode. I always assume that you're faster than everybody else.
Yes. Yes.
I agree with that. Turbo shoes.
Okay. Let's do our weekend preview.
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All right, let's do our weekend preview. Looks like the Dolphin.
No, no. God, Fitzpatrick.
I love that guy. I shouldn't have doubted him.
I shouldn't have doubted him. All right, let's do our weekend preview.
Looks like the Dolphins. No, no.

God, Fitzpatrick, I love that guy.

I shouldn't have doubted him.

I shouldn't have doubted him.

All right, great uniform game for the Jaguars too.

And you know what?

A surprisingly uncandy-ass version of the Miami Dolphins.

Yes, yes.

All right, so let's talk weekend preview.

Do we, how do we want to do this? Let's just whip through it. Let's just whip through it.
it first of all let's start with the headline hyperdrive the Jets are in hyperdrive right now their offense has been unleashed Joe Flacco is practicing and Adam Gase said anyone with a pulse he's putting in so Joe Flacco is probably getting in let's whip through it real quick. Bears, Falcons, I don't know.
The season's on the line. I'm doing the thing to myself where week three, I'm like, this is the most important game of the entire season.
So that's it. I mean, it's very important if you're Dan Quinn.
Yeah. Yeah.
If Dan Quinn gets, if he loses at home to the Bears, that's the, we're talking about hot seats, some major hot seat issues. Big time.
Rams at Bills.

I don't want to do this every single week,

but God damn it, if the fucking Bills had their fans,

could you imagine how loud this place would be?

Yeah. With a 2-0 start, Josh Allen, MVP buzz.

I do like the Bills.

The Rams did the – did they do the Greenbrier?

No, they went all the way back.

The Rams went all the way back. The 49ers did the Greenbrier.
They did it, and here's a fun little fact. This is from Alan Bell.
The teams in the Eastern Time Zone, West Coast teams that travel to play in the Eastern Time Zone are 5-0 this season. And since the start of 2019, those teams are 20-4 overall.
So, I don't know what to tell you about that. That makes my brain hurt because I've been told that teams traveling from the West Coast playing those early games on the East Coast suck.
They lose all the time. Have I been lied to? Usually the Raiders, yeah.
Who's lying? The Raiders would. Yeah, you're right.
It was probably thrown off just when the Cardinals and the Raiders would lose all their games on the East Coast. Speaking of which, the Raiders going to New England.
Hank, I actually think the Patriots are going to smoke the Raiders. Agreed.
Bill Belichick in his sweatshirt that he was just chewing on. He didn't even eat.
He just chewed his sweatshirt for three days while he watched Darren Waller film. Yeah, well, he looks like he's got moths.
That's what I'm worried about, but he doesn't care. No, I think he's just Frank the Tank chewing on it.

He could get 90 yards and eight catches out of a moth in the slot.

Yes, yes.

We got a couple.

Are you going to be offended if I say the Browns in Washington football team?

What's going to happen there?

Is that the stinker?

Is that the one we're not going to see?

Well, I've reached a point with the Washington football team

where now I'm i'm

very excited i would rather watch them when they're on defense they're more fun to watch when they're rushing at the passer you've reached full chicago yes yes and we've had a couple good defenses in dc in the last like 20 25 years that are like that um on offense they're painfully boring they've got a couple decent running backs i guess and dwayne haskins is uh best way i can describe Dwayne Haskins is

he's like a

sober Gardner Minshew. Yeah.
A sober and overly in-your-face religious Gardner Minshew. Is he super religious? No, I'm just saying even more so like, whoa, this guy's not really a partier.
Not even sober. At the right time, he might drink.
He literally will never. Yeah.
A sober Gardner Minshew who won't even DD for you if you're drunk. Right, right.
But I do like watching the defense. So, yeah, I don't think that anyone is really getting amped up for the Browns-Washington football team.
No, and here's another one that's going to stink. So we have a couple stinkers.
The 49ers, let's go through the stinkers real quick. 49ers-Giants is a stinker.
Titans-Vikings could be a stinker because I think the Vikings are very, very bad. And Bengals-Eagles could be a stinker because both those teams could be very bad.
But we still have Joe Burrow. Actually, that one might not be a stinker because if Joe Burrow lights it up and the Eagles lose, then we get full-on Philadelphia implosion.
Oh, yeah. Then Philly will be...
They're going to have to grease up the light poles there because they will be climbing them not out of excitement but just out of sheer anger. Our good friend Roan, who you might know as Angelo Palantoni on this show, diehard Eagles fan, where Eagles fans are right now, and I know in his heart of hearts he doesn't think this, but they're at the point of he was like, you know what? Part of me thinks that we should just lose just so that everyone knows that we're not good.
It's like, but I know the minute the ball's kicked, you're going to be like, we got to win this game because we're back. But if the Eagles lose, it's immediate fire everybody in Philadelphia.
Yes. Fire everyone.
Oh, yeah. Texans Steelers is going to be good because I think we are going to find out if the Texans lose this game, I might just make them my pinky team again.
Okay. Because that would be three ridiculously hard games that they played to start, and everyone did think they were a playoff caliber team.
Yeah. So, yeah, I might.
Fuck it. I might do it right now.
So, yeah, go for it. Houston has gotten.
They've gotten schedule fucked. All right, fine.
You know what? Pinky bet. I'm going back with the Texans.
Even if they win, I don't care. Pinky bet.
All right. Texans.
It's on. If the Houston Texans win the Super Bowl this year, I will cut off from the nail up tip of my pinky, left hand.
Also, one fun thing to watch in this game, we are going to have, I think for the first time ever, we're going to have three brothers playing in the same game at the same time. Oh, no.
Like they are CBS is nutting themselves to the watt montages that they're going to have three brothers playing in the same game at the same time. Oh, no.
Like, they are, CBS is nutting themselves to the Watt montages that they're going to have with Derek, TJ, and JJ all on the field. We're going to get, like, the mom wear.
Have they made, like, a triple jersey? I've never seen a triple jersey. I've only seen the ones that are, like, that Brady Quinn's girlfriend would wear, where it's half and half.
AJ Hawk's wife. Yeah.
Brady Quinn's sister, AJ Hawk's wife.

Wait.

No.

Was I right?

AJ Hawk's sister, Brady Quinn's girlfriend.

Yeah, that's what I said.

AJ Hawk's girlfriend.

I got very, very confused for a second there.

But, yeah, we're going to see three brothers facing each other.

Brady Hawk.

Brady Hawk would be such a better name.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God. Brady Hawk is a great name.
It'd be sweet sweet and AJ Quinn actually kind of sounds better too like a New York cop they should just wife swapped yeah program but yeah that's going to be a good game though here's a fun fact I found out about Bud Dupree are your favorite oh yes I saw this is great uh Bud Dupree was named Bud because his grandmother had a dream about that baby that was coming being a football player named Bud.

Oh.

So Grandma is a football guy.

The best.

Grandma, she's smart.

The ultimate.

The ultimate football guy.

Do you think that if two Watt brothers get injured,

do you think Tom Hanks is going to go down to the field

and pull the last one out?

We can't have all three.

Matt Damon.

We can't have all three get pulled out. No, Tom Hanks.
Well, Tom Hanks died. Yeah, but he pulled him out.
He pulled him out. Spoiler, sorry.
Matt Damon was the Derek Watt in this situation. Is Tom Hanks back from jail? Is he in jail? He was never in jail.
It was a green screen. Oh, okay.
That's right. Yeah.
All right. Afternoon games.
Thank God they did the final. Finally, we have an even-ish schedule.
Eight early games,

five late games. By the way, if you're

not betting the

Hanson on the Barstool Sportsbook app,

if you're in Pennsylvania, you're crazy. We unveiled

it on Sunday. It's literally, you just

take, you can take the over or under

I think this week, but you bet just total

points on a Sunday. If you take the under, you're insane.

But it's also like the greatest. You don't even have

to think about who's playing or what's playing

or what's happening. Oh, Gardner.

Gardner. Terrible.
also like the greatest. You don't even have to think about who's playing or what's playing

or what's happening. Oh, Gardner.

Gardner. Terrible.
Bad for the over.

He was terrible. That's the end of the over.

Fuck. Wow, he fucked the over.

Bad. Terrible

game for him. Terrible game.
God damn

it. Yeah, that one was

bad. Alright, so

but yes, oh and LaViscia Chenault

I needed 34 yards. Bet the over is what we're

saying. Bet the Hanson this week.
Last week

there were more touchdowns than there have been in what how many years it was like one of the all-time scoring in the first time sundays six yeah oh did he not get in and he got like 17 feet in he injured himself that's why they're showing again and then he had a cup of coffee. Stayed in.
Read the paper. Fuck that.
Oh, guess what? LeBron's back on the free throw line. There we go.
Who would have thought? All right. Afternoon games.
Jets, Colts. Colts are going to kill them.
Panthers, Chargers. Who cares? How much screen time do you think that Jets, Colts are going to get on the red zone? Very little.
I think that I'm going to say three minutes. Three and a half minutes.
Yeah, that might be too much. Panthers, Chargers, who cares? I mean, I'm going to care, but who cares? Lions, Cardinals, who cares? Lions will probably be up and then lose it.
But we have Bucs, Broncos, Blake Bortles. Do you think Blake's going to get in? Yeah, I think so.
He might start. Fuck.
Really? I mean, listen, Blake Bortles shows up. Is that heart or head? Both.
Which head are you talking about? I can feel it with my penis and my heart that Blake is going to start. My head says Jeff Driscoll.
Okay. And then we have two greats.
So Bucks Broncos will be great and Cowboys Seahawks. I am so, so excited for this game.
That is going to be – you just know that game is going to end with a stupid ending that makes one fan base very upset. Oh, it's definitely destiny.
And I made this note because I read this earlier in the week, but Brian Schottenheimer has been moved up to the booth this year. So that's how – I don't know what's going on, but I always love it when offensive coordinators decide, like, I'm either going to go down on the sidelines or up to the booth as if it makes a difference but it does I think it I think it does and that's why maybe they're letting Russ cook a little bit this yeah like when you Russ looks way better from above than he does from at eye level because you don't know how short he is when you're looking down on him so Schottenheimer's like yeah you know what this know what? This guy looks pretty good out there.
Maybe we should let him pass. Yeah, maybe we should let him go deep.
All right, so we have – and then finally Packers-Saints, which I love the Saints, by the way, because the world probably loves the Packers and it's like the Saints are dead. That just feels like a game the Saints are going to win.
What did Drew Brees say earlier today? Like I feel close to being perfect or something like that. It's almost there.
Yeah, he's's felt better than he has in years yeah right according to drew breeze all right quick picks and then we'll do some uh fantasy daddies uh favorites i have the bills minus two and a half i have the bills minus two and a half i had two i like him even better to fuck it i like him better at two and a half we'll give it two give it two, two and a half. Sean McFay doesn't strike me as a Buffalo guy.
No. He gets off the play in Buffalo.
He's like, this is, I'm a long way from home. And maybe, maybe it's time to start talking about Sean McDermott as being one of the best coaches in the NFL.
Just putting that out there. I like that.
Underdog. I have, this is going to suck.
I have The Giants plus four. I have the Giants.
Oh, man. I have the Giants.
Nick Mullen's going to start. The 49ers are banged up.
They're probably just trying to survive this week and get the hell out of there. I actually am going to throw it at my under, too.
41 and a half. Yeah, that's not bad.
That game's going to suck. Sticky turf.
And the Niners, they were the ones that stayed in West Virginia. Yes.
Where time zones don't exist. Time doesn't even move forward in West Virginia.
Right. So that first stat that I put out about teams traveling east doesn't count.
LeBron just got another bullshit call. You would not believe it.
Unreal. This guy.
Your underdog and your under. I had the Texans, but you kind of just talked me into the Saints, so I think I'm going to go with the Saints.
Okay. That wouldn't be an underdog.
Oh, that's your under. Saints are a favorite.
Oh, they are? Yeah, minus three. Oh, then Texans.
Okay. Stick with Texans.
And then your unders. Rams-Bills.
My bonus underdog is the Vikings plus two and a half at home. I just feel like this is a game that makes no difference.
The Vikings stink. I done chained them already.
But I think, I don't know. You done chained them coming off the off the bus I done chained them immediately but I think they're going to cover 2.5 and then I'm taking the Cowboys Seahawks over because you have okay my under is Carolina at the Chargers so we figured out that the turf is fast there we didn't take the next step and figure out that it's also fast for the defense oh yes so yeah good we didn't think about that one.
The over, I've got Detroit at Arizona.

Ooh, I like that one.

55 and a half.

I like that one.

Even though Matt Patricia, he has some history on that field when he intercepted that pass

at the goal line, prevented a touchdown.

And also tied the Cardinals last year week one.

You know what?

I'm putting tie watch on this game.

Yes.

There might be a tie, and it might be in this one.

Yes.

All right. Are you ready for my can't lose parlay? Mm-hmm.
Because might be a tie, and it might be in this one. Yes.
All right.

Are you ready for my can't lose parlay?

Because it didn't lose last week.

It was 4-1.

Barstool Sportsbook app.

We boosted the odds.

It's going to be 225, so plus 225.

This one cannot lose.

And I know I say that, but tell me how this loses.

Patriots, Steelers, Seahawks.

I think that wins. There's no one who loses in that.
Texans. No.
I think the biggest, the glaring weakness in that parlay is the potential for the Seahawks to do something really weird. Yes.
Just the weird, the Seattle weird is, and the Cowboys have played a nothing but weird game so far. I know they've only played two of them.
Yes, but. Don't discount the weird.
It's going to be a fun afternoon because that will be my fun game where I get to sit back and just be like, root for the Seahawks to win. My fun game.
All right. Let's do it.
We're doing fantasy daddies. LeBron just is at the free throw line nonstop.
This is insane. This guy, this is insane.
They complained about the fouls, and then all of a sudden he gets fouled a billion times. I've also got my props for tonight on the Sunday night football game.
Yes. So it's going to be a good one, Saints-Packers.
The props, the special props I'm putting out, I'm doing the nice spot again from the 69-yard line. Easy money.
If there's a play that's running from there. Yeah, it's actually minus 1,000, I think, is the real odds for it.
But they're boosting up. It's like minus 110.
So it's 10 times easier of a bet. It's basically free money.
Take that bet. And then we've got the Drew Hill bet.
Who's going to complete a longer pass, Drew Brees or Taysom Hill during the game? Ooh. Yeah.
And then the third one that we're doing is the Jameis Winston hat trick. If all quarterbacks combined with their stat sheets have a touchdown, an interception, and a fumble, then the Jameis Winston hat trick hits.
Nice. Nice.
Okay, let's do it. Fantasy daddies.
What's up, daddies? Hey, guys. Oh my god, I love you guys.
It's Becky Brownhole. Oh yeah, you're going're gonna make me cum already My stardom this week is knee high boots Christian girl autumn Everyone knows Saturdays are for oversized shirt dresses Team with some nice crock embossed Knee high boots Grab your mans go to the orchard Take some dope pics for the gram It's apple picking and clitty licking.
You go, girl.

My sit-um is fuckboys.

Oh.

I am so done with fuckboys.

They never text back,

and I just want to find a nice guy

who will take me out to dinner and cuddle.

And then fuck the shit out of me.

My sleeper.

Softly, though.

Politely.

My sleeper.

Politely, I'll come on his dick. I'll come all over his dick.
My sleeper. Softly, though.
Politely. My sleeper.
I'll come on his dick. I'll come all over his dick.
My sleeper is Justin Herbert. He's dreamy.
He's rich. He's kind of a fuckboy.
He lives in LA. But in a good way.
And he's like kind of hot, but he's rich, though. He needs to work on his skin.
Your man better have good teeth, good skin. I would totally let him put a bun in my oven and then dip.
I don't care about his face. No, you don't dip.
I like to just stick around. If he's got oily face, you know what? Just doggy style.
Butterface. You can pretend he's anyone.
This sucks. Go ahead.
Go. Hey guys.
This is Kami. This is Kami Klamovicci.
I'm starting pumpkin spice lube. So that's right.
It's time for my patented slippery jack-o-lantern pumpkin. I'm going to carve a smile into your face with my autumn bottom.
Nice. Pumpkin spice everything.
Oh, my God. I'm sitting couches because it's Lazy Boy season.
When I see a guy, oh, my God, in a recliner who hasn't showered wearing flannel, checking his tab in his phone and his fantasy scores on Sunday, I just wanted to give the lap dance to the Fox injury music while he's doing it. It's so hot.
I love recliners. Nice.
My sleeper is Giant D. That's right, Giant D.
It's a defense for the Giants. I don't know who the 49ers are starting, but I've got some slippery turf.

Love it.

Love it.

Hang your ears back, Giant D, and gobble this voodoo clam.

Go ahead.

You want to go?

All right, fine.

I'll go.

I'm Christina Tina.

What's up, teens?

Xtina, if I'm feeling bad.

My stardom is Russell Wilson, Mr. Unlimited.

You know what that means.limited sex positions What? Gluck, gluck, 9000 Hey, he's really good at sliding, Christina My sit-em is Mike McCarthy That fat fuck Dad bods aren't in anymore And Mike McCarthy said he didn't believe in gambling today Guess what, Mike McCarthy? Who do you think pays your salary, you fat piece of shit?

Yeah, but his boss.

Gamblers.

But his boss is hot.

I like Jerry Jones.

My sleeper is Jeff Driscoll.

His power is sexy.

He's got a huge dumper.

Yeah, but I mean.

Power bottom.

You know who's really.

I'd peg that.

His behind is nice, but I like who's behind him. Blake Bortles.
Nice. Okay, go ahead.
Liam, cut the music. What's up, it's Patsy Lazzarino! And my stardom is Rodrigo Blankenship.
My sit-um is Trenbolone acetate. That shit's for cattle.
My sleeper is carbon monoxide. Poisoning is the silent killer.
Make sure to change your batteries in your alarms. Is that like a magician's accent? Nice, Billy.
By the way, Mike McCarthy really did say that. What a fucking idiot.
He doesn't believe in gambling? He doesn't believe in gambling because he said that his dad owned a bar and he watched people gamble. It's like, read the room, dude.
It sounds fucking lit. Why do you think people watch the games? Wait, he doesn't believe in gambling because his dad owned a bar and he watched people wasting money at poker machines while they're sitting at a bar buying rumple mints, pickling their livers.
Correct. Got it.
Correct. And also, the reason why people watch football and watch the Cowboys when they're out of the game, down by a million, gambling.
Gambling, exactly. Responsibly.
Responsibly. All right, let's get to our interviews.
We've got Neil deGrasse Tyson. Before we do that, we're going to get right back to the show.
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Exclude to white. Alright, back to part of my take.

Okay, here he is, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest.

I don't even know how to introduce you.

You're a scientist.

You're a physicist.

You're an author, whatever, everything. You're the smartest guy we've ever had on it's neil degrasse tyson i think that's the easiest way to say it smartest guy we've ever had on neil degrasse tyson uh new show cosmos possible worlds uh out tuesday september 22nd which is when we're taping this uh fox so watch it i i mean i'm kind of stunned that we have you on because you're so much smarter than us so we'll see about that yeah we actually will see about that let's let's start with this question just how smart are you you know i don't i don't like the word smart well no it's an okay word but people generally mean different things when they use it.
And so when you try to go across the fence of people's definitions, then there's hardly ever agreement. So for example, contestants who win in the game of Jeopardy, they're commonly thought of as smart because they know stuff.
But let me give a more subtle example. Let's say you're an architect and you have a slot for one intern over the summer and the applications are basically identical.
So you're going to invite them in for an interview. So one of them comes in and this is a contrived example, but it'll make the point.
Then one of them comes in and you say, oh, there's a, there's a church steeple out the window. Do you know how tall that steeple is? And the person,

oh, yes, I do. It's 134 feet.
And so how do you know that? Oh, so I memorized the heights of all,

they had all major structures in all cities. Okay.
That's very impressive. Next person comes in.

You know how tall that church steeple is? And the person says, no, no, I don't,

but I'll be right back. And so they go out and then they come back 10 minutes later and they say,

Thank you. you know how tall that church steeple is and person says no no i don't but i'll be right back and so they go out and then they come back 10 minutes later and they say it's about 135 feet i think they said well how did you get that and they said well i went outside and i measured the length of my shadow and i know how tall i am then i measured the length of the church steeple shadow i did the math and that's how i came up with this answer.
Who are you going to hire? The first person. The person who knew the answer wrote, or the person who figured out the answer.
And I submit to you that most challenges in this world are best served, not by someone who memorized the encyclopedia, but by someone who has a deep sense of curiosity and tools to empower that curiosity to figure stuff out. I would say that the third person that you didn't mention is the smartest of them all, the one who just pulls up Google, asks it there, and then is able to tell you exactly what it is instead of going outside and measuring their shadow in the precise sunlight.
To me, that second person actually sounds insane. so the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the

the

the

the what it is instead of going outside and like measuring their shadow in the precise sunlight to me that second person actually sounds insane so the the the Einstein is rumored to have said that where he said never never memorize anything that you can just look up yeah by the way you answered my first question with I mean you could have just really smart. Oh, yeah, no, because I don't, that's not how I think about it.

Plus, I'll tell you this, I spend time learning when most people spent,

most, many people spend time doing nothing, okay?

Or rather not learning.

So you're on the couch and the football game's on.

Or there's three football games on.

Uh-oh, watch it.

Uh-oh.

It's that day of the week, right?

Uh-oh, watch it.

Three consecutive football games.

Is that nine hours?

I'm not going to be able to do that. So you're on the couch and the football game's on.
Or there's three football games on. Watch it.
Uh-oh. It's that day of the week, right? Uh-oh.
Three consecutive football games. Is that nine hours? How many hours is that? It's actually 12, dummy.
12. Excuse me.
12. 12 hours on the couch.
Go ahead. 12 hours on the couch.
And things like, are you waiting for the train or you're in traffic? So how are you spending this interstitial time? So I want to add it up, how much time that is when you're otherwise doing nothing. And it is years of your life.
And so I said to myself, we're not living forever, not yet. I want to make sure every moment counts.
So every day, if I don't learn something or my mind isn't blown by some new idea that I confronted, then for me, it's a wasted day. Okay.
But that's all. So you want to say I'm smarter? Okay.
But I can tell you that I'm motivated to learn. Okay.
And somewhere in there, motivation has to be in the equation. I like intellectual curiosity.
I think as a country,'t have enough of it but is there a part there's a real question is there a part of you that sometimes wishes you didn't have uh the brain that you have because what you just described like it sounds like you're a type of person that has almost anxiety when you're not learning something new whereas i can sit and shut it the fuck off I can watch Real Housewives or a football game and then look up from my phone and be like whoa where'd the last five hours go that was awesome so there has to be a little part of you that's like sometimes I wish I was just a regular person who could just zone out no so okay so let me offer some nuance to what I just said. Just because you're right, I'm a little anxious if I'm sitting there doing nothing when I could be doing something.
However, there is some fun things that involve doing nothing. The question is just how much of that are you going to do? I like sitting on the beach, just watching the tide come in and out or watching the sunset.
You know, there's no deep enlightenment going on there. There's a certain there's a certain tranquility that I think we all value.
And so once I'm in that mode, yeah, I'm good for it. But I'm not saying to myself, yes, I'm going to come out here every day for five hours and watch the Tide.
No, that's not how that's going to happen. Well, we don't watch that much football.
It's just, you know, Sundays, Sunday nights, Mondays, Tuesday action, Thursday nights. Fox has Thursday football.
Yeah, Color Rush. And then sometimes on Friday you get a nice little treat game, then all day Saturday.
And that's all? Wednesday. Wednesday is the day that I learn.
And I cherish my Wednesdays. And I choose not to learn on that day.
Yeah, my brain needs a break from all the football watching. Here's something that was suggested.
And let me hand it to you guys because I'll offer you this suggestion. Tell me what you think.
It has been noted, I forgot by whom, that the reason why we watch sports collectively is that it gives you something to talk about with a stranger if the conversation otherwise or with a friend if the conversation otherwise lags and also gambling always talk about sports yeah yeah that's the weather everyone was enlightened in a hundred different. Then the conversation will never lag because you can talk about like leaves and insects and animals and climate and temperatures.
And so you're not limited to that. So you can go anywhere your active imagination takes you.
Do you think then that if you flash back in time, three, 400 years around the water coolers of that day, people are having conversations about science, about math, because I, I mean, people were a lot dumber back then than they are now. Like right now, they didn't even know what the internet was back then.
I know exactly what the internet is. Again, there's that like smart and dumb they knew less than what we know but they were not less clever okay for example go go back you look at the the pyramids right and you've had people go back like eric von donick and among them say gee the ancient peoples there's no way they could have done that they must have gotten help from aliens yeah right well just because just because the author couldn't figure out how to do it didn't mean the Egyptians didn't figure out how to do it.
Yes, they had less technology. They had a million people to work for them, some of whom were slaves, and they can just command it up and get the engineering right.
You've got it. So I'm not convinced that people long ago were less clever, had less intuition than we do today.
They just had less technology. And it was those folks who laid the foundations of physics and mathematics and biology.
And we can recite their names today, Newton and Darwin and Einstein. so yeah, by the way, I'm not requiring that people don't watch football.
If you enjoy it, go right ahead. I also watch football.
I just don't watch 12, 12, three times four, 12. Yeah, 12.
That's just Sunday. It's four-hour games usually.
But wait, but you actually do have, I had a tweet that I wanted to bring up because you kind of do have a problem with football and i have a problem with you you said sometimes i wonder if we'd have flying cars by now had civilization spent a little less brain energy contemplating football you found that tweet yeah i did wait wait wait back up wait wait wait in all fairness to me there's 50 other tweets celebrating football. Okay.
You're not listening right now. Yeah, that's fair.
That's fair. But listen, I too have had this thought that if I didn't have my brain full of stupid statistics and hours and hours and hours of watching sports, I would probably be a lot smarter of a person.
But people got to like what they like. There's nothing like the stupid statistics of baseball.
Right. Okay.
Nothing compares to baseball. Right.
I'm aware of this. I'm aware that I've filled my brain with completely trivial things that mean nothing and that I could probably be used in a better way.
But that's why we have people like you, like you. I'm actually, it's actually your fault for watching football.
We're the football watchers. You shouldn't be watching it.
You should be figuring out the world. Tyson, get back to work.
Yes, figure out all of the world's problems. There's absolutely nothing lost in my brain studying football.
Have you seen some of the guys that discuss football on TV? You're Terry Bradstraws. you know your john grudens i don't think that they are the ones that are going to be inventing flying cars if their brains were totally neglected to factor that into that tweet what you're saying not to put words in your mouth what you're saying is that the people who are spending that much time watching football would have never been the people inventing flying you should be glad that we're spending that much time because if we put our brains to these grand designs, we would screw everything up.
Right. No matter what...
You would probably be dead right now if Terry Bradshaw was in charge of the environment. Yeah, you fail to realize that no matter what time you put us in, in the history of the world, we will always be the village idiots.
Okay, I had not appreciated this dimension of that tweet. Yeah.
It looks like you learned something today. Get back to work.
Yeah. Get back to work.
Stop watching football. Totally learned something.
I would not trust Ben Roethlisberger with a flying car. No, I want that for the record.
You do like football though. Cause I found another tweet.
I'm a bit of a, uh, Neil Tyson reply guy. I've replied to a lot.

You probably have me muted because I've junked up your mentions

for going on six years now.

The reply stream is very busy and active.

Occasionally I'll catch one and then I'll reply,

but I probably reply to maybe three tweets a week out of many thousands.

So forgive me if I've never gotten to any of yours.

That's fine.

So you do tweet about football.

You said for the Patriots to blame a change in temperature

for 15% lower pressures in the balls

requires balls to be inflated with 125-degree air.

We have amongst us a deflate gate truther, our producer Hank.

I was wondering if maybe you could like explain that in layman's

terms to hank about why it's glaringly obvious that there was cheating going on uh okay i've got to like remember all of the details there so uh the patriots provided the game ball and while no one was looking removed air allegedly to the their opposing team was that well yeah there were There were 11 out of 12 balls were deflated.

Right.

So what would happen is um if you increase the temperature of air then the pressure goes up even though it's the same amount of air so what you could do is you could heat the air put hot air into a ball and when you hand it to someone they say oh yeah this feels like a regularly inflated ball. Then it goes out into the field, into the winter air.
And then the winter air begins to cool the air inside the ball. It takes a little bit delay because the pigskin is insulating and there's a rubber bladder in there as well.
I remember having taken apart a football when I was younger. So then as the air cools, the pressure then drops.
Then it's no longer inflated to the regulation air pressure that you expect. So I did a calculation, and I came up with a temperature for which that situation would unfold.
Okay, so in other words, you're innocent. We're just supposing that the patriots had 125 degree air if you wanted to you okay so if you're ernie adams does the air just happened to be hot and they put it in and they checked it it's the right pressure it's not they're full of coal down on the field yeah it's not against the rules if ernie adams has a blow dryer that he's using to fill up each football and then knowing that it'll it'll cool down when it goes outside and make the football softer like Tom Brady likes him so I think by the way this is not some mysterious fact of physics you know that when you drive a car uh driving on a road heats the tires which in turn heats the air in the tires tire pressure increases when you are out on the freeway going high speeds for long amounts of time friction yeah i'm just saying so we already know this intuitively yeah just apply it to a football do you ever uh when someone asks you a question do you ever say like i actually don't know yeah but what i found is they if they ask a question so yes i so for example let's let's do that exercise ask me what was around's do that exercise.
Ask me, what was around before the Big Bang?

Just ask me that.

What was around before the Big Bang?

By the way, this, what you're doing right now, I'm pulling your man card because you got to answer every question like you know it, even if you don't.

But go ahead.

What was around before the Big Bang?

So, I have no idea.

And neither does anybody else.

Well, we have some pencil pushings on a page. There might be a multiverse, but we really don't know.
That's my answer. And I'm answering not just for me and my own state of mind of knowledge, but for an entire community of scientists who research this.
So now if you ask another question, and I know it's a product of your basal curiosity, what I'll say generally, I'll know something about what you're asking, even if I don't know everything about what you're asking. So what I'll say is, I'm not sure, but I do know this.
And then I share something that I know very well. And usually the person is satisfied and they're happy because they learn something.
Wait, just. Generally If you ask them a lot of questions, you just want to learn.

That's what you're after. Right.
More than a specific answer to that specific question. So just to recap, you asked me to ask you a question that no one knows the answer to.
Yes. That was the one you went with.
You're like, yeah, there's some things I don't know. Something that literally no one knows.
Okay.

Okay, so the most recent time I was in a situation where I didn't know it was someone had asked whether we could know

if there was a multiverse adjacent to our universe.

What does that mean?

What the hell does that mean?

So we have our universe, and recent ideas in quantum physics

suggest that we're not the only universe in town.

Thank you. our universe.
What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? So we have our universe and recent ideas in quantum physics suggest that

we're not the only universe in town.

That there could be many, possibly infinite

other universes that expand and

contract and we're just one

branch in a whole

tree of multiverses going

on all the time. Do we get to play them in football?

Yes.

What's the spread on that game? Depending on what brand of multiverse you embrace some multiverses will have laws of physics that are slightly different and you wouldn't you you that would be dangerous like the monsters yeah and one multiverse or another to play football but the point is is, I've heard from people who I trust that light cannot leave our universe and enter another universe, but our gravity can. So we can feel the gravitational effects of other universes.
And my answer there is, I do not know enough what's called field theory, quantum field theory and classical field theory to fully understand and explain why gravity could leak out of this universe, but light can't. So I'm just reciting what others who are in the know have told me.
So that's an example of me not knowing something, but framing it in an answer that still might have some value to you as the curious person.

Okay, but that, again, is like the most complicated thing to not know the answer to, that you still know a great deal about.

It's in my world.

Other things people know to not ask me.

Okay, well, who was the 31st president?

No, I don't remember.

I have to probably figure it out slowly, but no, I don't.

Herbert Hoover.

By the way, if I'm good at Jeopardy, I would know it.

Why do you get the little crusty things in your eyes when you wake up after sleeping yeah that's the like the mineral the liquid that's in your eye he knows that's highly mineral rich and so if you tear up while you're sleeping and it doesn't go back in your eye the water evaporates out and leaves all the minerals if that's why you have salty tears you've heard Sal salty tears. It's all making sense.
Yeah. Yeah.
Can you explain? Yeah, by the way, I don't want to tell you something that's just a random dangling fact that you'll have to try hard to remember. I try to put it in a context so that when we're done in the conversation, it's like, yeah, that makes complete sense.
I can taste salty tears. If you evaporate salty or mineral-rich liquid, it leaves a deposit.
You also know this if you have, quote, hard water in your sinks. Okay, if you have a drippy faucet, the mineral deposit goes onto the porcelain.
Okay, it comes out of the water. So the stuff in your eye, that's like mineral deposits from tearing up overnight up overnight.
So recently we've there's been a lot in the news in the last year in particular about the fact that aliens are real in one way or another. There have been UFO sightings, things like that coming out from from the Navy.
You focus most of your attention on the scientific workings of the universe, like what planets and stars are made up of the effects of gravity, black holes, et cetera, all this really smart stuff. I haven't heard you discuss that much about extraterrestrial life and the implications that we've seen recently and how that affects some of the other things that you like to learn about in the universe.
Where do you stand on aliens? Are you intrigued by aliens as much as you are, finding out what type of gas is in Beetlejuice? Yeah, nobody doesn't love the aliens. We all want to meet the aliens.
So plus, I don't have a stance on anything. Having a stance implies this is my opinion and you're not going to take it.
That's what we like. I do not spend time telling people my opinions because they're my opinions.
And I don't really care if you share my opinions. This is how fights begin, right? Because if it's not a matter of opinion and it's a matter of research or information.
So let me back up. If two scientists get into a fight, beneath the fight is an implicit understanding that either you're wrong and I am right i'm wrong and you're right or we're both wrong we know that going in whereas if two religious people from opposite religions get into a conversation they're not coming out agreeing all right same with two opposite polls of politics they're not coming out agreeing you can can't go to a political debate and have one opponent say, you know, I agree with everything you just said.
Oh, my gosh. Why did I think about that? Let's go out and have a beer.
That has never happened and it never will happen because they're not operating on the premise that one of them could be wrong or that they could both be wrong. They're taking a stance and saying, I am right about this.
So I try not to do that.

If I've ever done it, I would have regretted done it if it's called to my attention. So where am I on the subject of aliens? If you study this problem, what we're made of, the materials, the hydrogen, the oxygen, the silicon, just look at what's in our body.
Those ingredients are everywhere across the universe. We're not made of rare stuff.
We're made of the most common ingredients. The top four chemically active ingredients in the universe are chemically active in our bodies.
So that's the first fact. Second fact, when did life begin on Earth? Practically as soon as it possibly could have.
So life happened fast with the base ingredients it was given. So if you just extend that idea to the fact that there's a gazillion stars in the galaxy and in the universe, and lately we've created a catalog of exoplanets that's still growing, rising through 4,000 exoplanets in this tiny little region around our corner of the galaxy to suggest that we're the only life in the universe would be inexcusably egocentric.
Okay, I like that. That's different.
I'm pro-alien. Yeah.
That's different. I'm in favor of the aliens.
I'm taking a stance. Because in case they're real, I want them to know that I'm on their side.
I'm all in for extraterrestrial life.

Okay.

Most of which probably won't be what we call intelligent. Most of Earth's history had microbes.
So if you were visiting from another planet and you just closed your eyes and picked some random point on Earth's timeline, you would land probably when there were just microbes. And so what we call intelligence is a very late coming phenomenon in the tree of life.
But I'm just saying that recognizing the likelihood of there being life in the universe is not the same thing as agreeing with UFO enthusiasts that these things they cannot identify in the sky are intelligent aliens visiting from another planet. And I've made this point before.
They're called UFOs. And what does the U stand for? Unidentified.
You're done. The moment you say, I don't know what it is, you can't turn around and say, I know exactly what it is.
It's aliens visiting from another planet. You just said you don't know what it is.
The way you word this is, I don't know what this is. Let me investigate further.
Let me get a net. Let me get a better photo.
Let me find a way to greet these creatures if they are visitors. I need better evidence than fuzzy Tic Tac videos taken by the Navy.
And in fact, why do aliens always want to just show up in military photos? True. Six billion photos and videos are uplifted to the Internet every single day.
High definition, high quality imagery. None of them is an alien walking out of a spaceship coming up to shake your hand.
None of it. That's a good point.
What happened to all the alien encounters that were talked about before the era where everybody had a video camera? What happened to those? Okay, so that should tell us all something that something else was going on in the heads of those who were reporting this. And the eye, ear, brain combination is rife with badly interpreting or misinterpreting stuff that happens in front of you some of these sightings come from that all these are genuine mysterious phenomenon and i'm saying go go after them and you'll be rich and famous overnight if you can snare one and drag it into the town square.
Okay. I like that.
I like that answer. Yeah.
Well, it all just kind of blows my mind when I think about it. What about Pluto? What do you got against Pluto? Why'd you cancel Pluto? Get over it.
But why'd you cancel? I know that it's cancel culture here, cancel culture there. You canceled the fucking planet, man.
We learned that when we were in second grade grade What's your problem You sit there at that table With pent up Yeah we like Pluto You cancelled Pluto We got very mad at you when you cancelled Pluto So first of all Alright We all love Pluto No you don. That's how you start saying a sentence when you don't like that personal thing.

I watch football.

We're all in agreement.

We love Pluto. But just be honest.
Just be intellectually honest and start by saying I hate Pluto. And here we go.
I want to do right by Pluto. And so give me a moment to explain to you why your feelings about pluto may be misplaced just allow me a moment okay okay what i found among pluto lovers out there is that they're absent certain fundamental bits of information regarding it for example did you know that earth's moon is five times the mass of Pluto? Yes.
Okay, so someone told you that. Very nice.
Okay. Did you know that of all the planets, Pluto is the only one that crosses the orbit of another planet? Yeah.
Yeah, it crosses Neptune. How many do you do that? So I'm just I'm just saying there's a category of objects that do that.
We call them planets. But wait a minute.
Let's keep going. Did you know that unlike any other planet, Pluto has more than half of its volume occupied by ice so that if Pluto got near the sun, heat from the sun would evaporate that ice and it would grow a tail that's no kind of behavior for we got words for things like that we got we got vocabulary for that so so an object that crosses the orbit of other planets one-fifth the size of earth's moon that grows a tail if it gets too close for the sun.
We have terms for that. Not only that, we discovered countless other objects that resemble it orbiting in the same band around the sun.
You know, that's happened to us before. Wait a minute.
There was Planet Ceres. Did you know about Planet Ceres? Maybe not.
Planet Ceres was discovered in 1800. People were excited.
It was a new planet discovered between Mars and Jupiter. And it was headlines.
And the book said new planet discovered. Then they found another one in the same zone.
Then they found another. Then they found another.
They said, wait a minute. Something's going on here.
Oh my gosh. This isn't four new extra planets.
It's four objects in a new swath of real estate, a new category of object that we have just discovered. And thus became a new resident category in the solar system called the asteroid belt.
When they thought they discovered a planet, they simply discovered the brightest asteroid,

Ceres. Okay.
And so there they are. And now that that's what the, the asteroid belt.
Pluto was the, we called it a planet just the way we called the first asteroid planet. We called it a planet.
We had nothing else to compare it to. In 1993, 1992, another object was discovered out there in the same kind of orbit that Pluto has, and then another, and then another, and then another, and an entire belt of icy bodies was fleshed out with newer and better telescopes, and that's called the Kuiper Belt of Comets.
Pluto is the largest known member of the Kuiper Belt of Comets. It is a big fish in a small pond instead of being the puny fish in a big pond.
And I'll give you another reference to this. If Jupiter, no, forget it.
If Neptune were a Chevy Impala parked at the curb, what car would Pluto be? A Hugo. A Hugo.
okay that's a that's a natural thought no it would be a matchbox car sitting on the curb i love matchbox cars i play with them all the time sense of the difference in what these objects are it's not a yugo it's a matchbox car so now rather than just say pluto is just some craggy icy body we came came up with a new category that we think makes Pluto a little happier than it was initially.

And it's, are you big enough to be round?

Because Pluto is, small objects tend to be craggy.

They look like Idaho potatoes or chunks of rock.

Pluto's big enough to be round.

There's enough gravity.

The gravity shapes it into a round form.

Then we call it a dwarf planet rather than just simply a comet. And Ceres, the brightest of the asteroids, it's the only asteroid that's big enough to be round.
That got elevated to be a dwarf planet from asteroid. Pluto got demoted from a red-blooded planet to a dwarf planet.
So that's the layout of the solar system. And here's the problem.
I don't think we should have ever been taught the solar system by memorizing the planets in sequence from the sun. That's not science.
That's a memorization activity. Science would be what objects, what do they have in common? Which ones have magnetic fields? Which ones have rings? Which ones are icy? Which ones are cold? Which ones are hot? Does any of them have plate tectonics like Earth? Which one of them has storm systems? Well, Saturn and Jupiter and Uranus and Earth all have storm systems.
So you find cuts through the data where you can have meaningful conversations about the science of these things and not say, oh, in my science class today, I memorized what's the fourth planet from the sun. So, and I don't blame any of us.
I'm blaming the educational system for thinking that that's what you teach elementary school children. Okay.
So that's fascinating looking at it that way. If the earth were to be close to the sun, would it not also grow a tail? Because it's got water.
That's a great question. It's a great question.
It would take a lot more heat to start evaporating rocks. There you go.
So it could. So maybe the Earth is on a planet.
It's a very important and excellent question. So the rocks, you'd have to start evaporating the rocks.
And it would grow a tail if it were like a fraction of the distance to Mercury. Mercury is a rock, and it's really close to the sun.
You'd have to be much, much closer than even that. So I'm talking about regular familiar distance, Earth distance to the sun.
Pluto would grow a tail. I've always thought that Earth would pop a little bit more if it had some rings.
Is there any sort of like natural way? I guess not really natural, but how can we geoengineer our planet if we had to? If they said, Neil Tyson, we're giving you unlimited budget in 50 years, can you make Earth grow rings? Yeah. So first, that's an insightful question because you know they're beautiful.
You know at least one planet has them. Why can't we? And so recent evidence suggests that Saturn didn't always have its rings, that the rings are a transitory phenomenon.
And the exact duration that they would stay there is not clear, maybe 100 million years. That's still short compared with the history of the solar system.
It may have been that the dinosaurs, had they had telescopes, would see Saturn without a ring. There's a chance chance that that was true earth definitely had a ring when the moon formed all evidence points to a mars-sized protoplanet side swiping earth scattering scattering all manner of debris into orbit around the earth and for a brief while we have had a ring.
But what happens is anything that's slightly bigger than anything else has more gravity and it attracts more. So the big get bigger, the small get eaten.
And so out of this ring forms the moon. But this would have happened pretty quickly, we think, over a matter of years, not centuries or millennia.
So you have a brief period of time where we'd have a ring but uh that would have been really beautiful i wanted to see the collision the collision would have been spectacular i've been asked what period what time in history would you like to relive or to see i would say take me back to a front row seat when earth got slammed by a mars sized proto planet that would have been a collision for the ages um i was I was going to say the money football game between the chiefs and the Rams where they scored like, yeah, that was sick too. Um, when, when is the sun going to blow up and how much is that going to suck? Yeah.
So we, you have about 5 billion years, so you're okay. Uh, but you don't know how long you don't, you don't know how long I'm going to live.
No, I don't. But if you are a mammal, the average mammal species is around for one, a few hundred, for a few million years.
So not you, you, but you, a human by natural causes, we might not be here a couple of million years from now, but if we're smart and we know we're smart, we think, we tell ourselves at least, and wise, then we'll try to make sure we don't kill ourselves. And we'll try to have foresight against things that could kill us, like asteroids or viruses.
And then maybe we can add some time against what would be our native natural tenure on Earth. You want to live five billion years, that's fine, but then you have the sun to deal with.
But by then, I'd like to think you just find another solar system and terraform one of the planets and move there. So is it going to blow up or is it going to eat us? Oh, sorry, that was in your question.
So the sun, all evidence suggests it will just expand and continue to expand until it engulfs the orbits of mercury and venus and comes near enough to earth and might even engulf earth but regardless it'll be near enough to earth to send our oceans into a rolling boil as they evaporate into the air and then the air evaporates into space and then earth is this charred ember orbiting deep within the surface of the sun. Well, let me ask you a question.
Have a nice day. That sucks.
Let me ask you a question, smart guy. If the sun is hot, then how come outer space is cold? Oh, okay.
So it turns out when you think of this excellent... Yeah, yeah, you're question oh oh oh oh here's what you think your sense of temperature is not what you think so when you say oh it's warm in here what you're saying is that the temperature of the air on your skin plus whatever radiative energy is touching your skin that combination to you feels warm you're gaslighting you're gaslighting you're saying what my brain is actually thinking is not what it thought but if you take a thermometer it's it's accurate but what I'm saying is that if you go outside on a summer day and you say, oh, boy, I'm hot.
Let me go into the shade. The air temperature in the shade is the same as the air temperature in the sun.
By going into the shade, you're removing sunlight that your skin was absorbing, contributing to your sense of how hot it is. So you recognize temperature by different ways that energy is touching your body.
When you go out into the vacuum of space, there is no air. So your temperature is entirely the energy of light coming to you.
So if you are facing the sun, you will feel warm on the side facing the sun and freezing on the side that does not face the sun. Cause you don't have air as a mixed medium to spread out that temperature.
So what else? So if you want to stay warm in space and you don't have a, you know, a space suit with climate control, just hop onto some kind of rotisserie. Okay.
So there'll always be some side of you facing the cold and the heat, and there'll be some rate that'll be just right for you so what i'm hearing from you is that the the sun needs the earth's atmosphere to even be hot uh yes in fact so it's not that hot on its own so so if you go into on the sunlit side of the moon but step into a shadow it's 200 degrees below zero, even though it's daytime.

You just happen to be in the shadow where no sunlight is hitting you. So if you want it to be really, really cold, just go far away from the nearest star.
And then you got nothing. What do you got? You got nothing.
Then it's cold no matter which way you turn and rotate. Well, how come at the top of a mountain, though? atmosphere to spread the ground heating so that we can all say it is 72 degrees today on this autumn day because we're all touching the same air that got warmed by the sun.

There's another layer here.

The sun heats the ground and the ground heats the air.

That's why the hottest time of day is not noon. It's a few hours later hours later there's a time delay there the hottest month of the year is not june which has the highest sunlight and the most intense sunlight it's delayed a little because the sun is heating the ground and the ground uses infrared to heat the air well what about the top of the mountain more than you asked for but that's that's as close to the sun as you can get on a top of a mountain and there's snow everywhere and meanwhile if you go down to the center of the earth you're really hot so what i'm submitting to you is that perhaps the sun is cold and we get all of our warmth just from the center of the earth yeah no so the point is as you ascend because i said a moment ago i slipped it in that the air gets hot because the sun is heating the ground and the ground is heating the air.

It's a time delay. It's a physical delay in what's happening to the sun's energy.
And so the farther you are away from what is the ground that the sun is mostly heating, the cooler the temperature will be. So as you ascend to high altitudes, the temperature is going to drop.
Because there's less ground around you to heat the air that is around you. And if you go up in an airplane, the temperature is even colder.
If they still do it, you see the little temperature indicator in the thing. You go up there's 40 below zero.
And you want to say, well, I'm closer to the sun. How come it's cold? Yeah.
Well, in daytime, you're closer to the sun, but that's not relevant. What's relevant is where is the sun's heat going? It's going through the transparent atmosphere to the ground.
The ground grabs it, re-radiates it as infrared. And by the way, greenhouse gases trap infrared.
So the sun heats the ground, the infrared stays. And if you have too much greenhouse gases, all the temperature of the Earth rises.
Okay, well, you make some excellent scientific points, but I also can't help but notice that you rely on the sun for warmth and for food production, so you're obviously intellectually compromised, and you receive improper benefits, and you need the sun to survive. So I take everything that you say, sir, with a grain of salt.
In that vein, so essentially all energy that drives life on Earth's surface comes from the sun. So if you are a meat eater and you have a steak, the steak came from a cow.
The cow's a vegetarian, unless you otherwise forcefeed it meat. The cow's a vegetarian eating leaves, and the leaves and other grains got their energy from sunlight.
So when you're eating a steak, you're actually eating solar power. You want to think about it fully in that way.
All right. You're a recurring guest, by the way, now, so anytime we have a question, you have to – When did that happen? It happened because you just showed up once.
So anytime we want you back on, you have to come back on. That's part of being a recurring guest.
Anyway, Cosmos on Fox. Oh, by the way, I just want one other quick thing.
Yeah. This is about football.
You guys like football, right? Yeah. Did you see my tweet about Russell – this is like last year or the year before.

Russell Wilson executed a lateral that was controversial.

Did you know about this?

No. I don't think so.

How could you dig up my tweet about –

Because we're flying cars and not flying that way.

We're gotcha journalists.

I only found the ones that I disagreed with you about.

Yeah.

Okay.

We're gotcha.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so you're fulfilling the social media prime directive.

Right.

Thank you. I only found the ones that I disagreed with you about.
Yeah. Okay.
Gotcha. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so you're fulfilling the social media prime directive. Right.
You must disagree. Absolutely.
At all costs. Right, right, right.
Here's what happened. Just so I get some street cred with the two of you, okay? So Seattle was playing, I don't remember who.
This happened last year. And Russell Wilson broke through the line of scrimmage, scrambled basically, but he's got one of his backs adjacent to him, and he's about to get tackled and throws a lateral.
Okay? And then the guy runs another 20 yards. They get a first down, and they might have even scored on that run.
The play was protested. It went in the favor of Seattle.
However, I got a call from the coach. He said, Tyson, you've got to help me out of this.
I know what we did is right, but why are they complaining about it? Here's what happened. Russell Wilson and the other back were running so fast together that while he threw the ball backwards it was caught at a point forward of where he released the ball right so in the reference frame of the quarterback and the running back it was a it was a legit lateral from the reference frame of the quarterback and the running back, it was a legit lateral.

From the reference frame of the grid, the ball moved forward.

And so I said, okay, you can call, you know, you can say this was illegal,

but you're penalizing players for running fast, all right?

And, you know, is this how you want to really do it?

They kept it.

They kept the thing, and I had my analysis. It's tweeted.
You go find it. I'm reading it right now.
I'm watching the play. So, yeah, this actually – so it's fascinating to me because this does happen in rugby all the time when laterals are executed at full speed.
And the rule in rugby is written in a way that you would appreciate where if the ball is thrown backwards, regardless of if it travels forward or or not if it's thrown in a backwards motion and it exits the person's hand going backwards then that's that play is allowed in football because everything is measured by the yard line then they can't they can't go back and that you know what that does if they were to follow your rule then they would have to have referees to like introduce a little bit of subjectiveness into the rule.

And so it's just easier to go back to, to, to,

to instant replay on a challenged play.

You can just do that.

I think as long as Russell Wilson stayed ahead of the other runner while he

threw it, come on now, that's it's,

it's the spirit of a lateral that is being preserved in that play.

And I wonder if they're going to actually change the rule to be more like a rugby rule because of that play because they let that play stand they didn't call it back and for them to let that play stand means they allowed the ball to be lateral forward because you look at the two grids and they're doing different things so it's called a galilean transformation. We learned about this in Physics 101.
Oh, you made me feel stupid there. Do you know what the parallax effect is? Yeah, of course.
Okay. All right, so my last question.
I thought I had a gotcha moment. Yeah, my last question.
So do watch Cosmos. You are a recurring guest.
My last question is just simply like why when we just think about space does it freak us out and my brain hurts? Like, I just can't. Can you think about space for a really long time? I assume that's all you do, right? Yeah.
So I have a hypothesis for why that may be true. We see the world through our own eyes.
and, you know, when you're a child, a quick example, I remember on my fifth birthday party, there was a cake and there was a five on the cake made of candy, all right? And it was like a thing, you would stir it in the cake. And I thought to myself, how did the cake store know that I was turning five? Right? I remember thinking that.
And, you know, when you're a child, you think the whole world orbits you. Right? You don't realize that other people have their own sense of reality and their own perspectives.
And so here we are as adults on earth and we're thinking, yeah, I see the universe and I am here and that's how it is. And I tell you that if you feel small for looking up and somehow you feel oppressed by the immensity of it all, not to put words in your mouth, but I'm embellishing.
You feel oppressed by this. It's because you looked up with too large an ego to begin with.
You're, you're, I'm important. I'm, I know who I am.
I got a show. I'm smart.
I got this. And I look, oh.
So if instead you said, most things of the universe, I don't know. And that's exciting because it means tomorrow we'll know more than we knew today, whether or not you're the actual one doing it.
Others are. And you're part of this great quest that our species has engaged in, a quest that been going on for thousands of years so when I look up and I realize that my atoms are part of this universe and they are traceable to stars that exploded the stars made these atoms, scattered them into the galaxy, formed solar systems such as ours.

We are not just figuratively of this universe. We are in this universe and the universe is in us.
When I think about it on those terms, I feel large. I say I am part of the great unfolding of this cosmic story.
we are stardust brought to consciousness

to understand the universe itself. Shit's heavy.
That's a good answer. That's heavy.
Are you ever going to go to space? You know, if it's going somewhere, yeah, I'd take the trip. But if we just go in orbit, boldly going where hundreds have gone before, no.
Send me someplace interesting. And whoever builds the rocket, I want to make sure they sent their mother there and brought her back safely, and then maybe I'll take her off.
Okay, but if it's NASA, I have a lot of respect for everything that you've accomplished. You're obviously a very intelligent guy, but if you turn down an opportunity to go to space, the word fraud is going to start getting thrown around there by people like us who have to have strong opinions like you've studied this your entire life and you're not even curious to get up there and be in it no no so so so let's put this in brief context so what nasa calls space let's ask ourselves where that is.
So let's take a school room globe, you know, a foot across, a familiar school room globe, and ask, how far away from that globe would you find the space station currently orbiting the globe? And so I'd ask you to put it at some distance, a few inches away, six inches a foot. I don't know where you would put it.
I'll tell you where it is. It's three eighths of an inch above earth's surface.
We are collectively calling that space, but I'm an astrophysicist and I'm not calling that space. There's low earth orbit.
And that's why I said, it's like driving around the block. I would delight in the experience of feeling weight weightless but I don't have to go into space with that you can do that on on those airplanes that go in these trajectory the vomit comets where you just do this they filmed all the movie Apollo 13 all the weightless scenes legitimately in these sort of 30 second intervals where you can uh where you're weightless so I would delight in having that experience but I don't need to go into space for that.
You just send me into space. Send me farther away than three eighths of an inch from our planet.
What about being able to look back at the earth and outer space? That must be a cool experience. You want that? Yeah.
Well, if you're only three eighths of an inch up and you're looking down, you're not seeing much of the earth. Okay.
So that's another sort of delusional expectation for what happens when you just try that, grab a school and go, go three eighths of an inch up and ask yourself, how much of the earth are you actually seeing? What if, so the value of that is earth, earth rotates beneath you as you orbit around it. And so you see earth turn and that's a, and you get, you know, 18 sunsets a day or something.
Okay. Oh, sunrise, sunrises and sunsets.
So that's a and you get you know 18 sunsets a day or something okay oh sunrise sunrises and sunsets so that's fun that that's beautiful and it's called the overview effect what about a trip i'm gonna go somewhere a trip to the moon sure you accept a trip to the moon done definitely okay i'll get on the phone with the boys at movie account and a book and some good music i'm there i'm all in perfect well this has been awesome. Done.
Definitely. Okay, I'll get on the phone with the boys at NASA.
Nice movie account and a book and some good music. I'm there.
I'm all in. Perfect.
Well, this has been awesome. You are a recurring guest, so we will have you back on to answer questions that pop up.
But Neil deGrasse Tyson, this has been fantastic. Thank you so much.
Everyone watch Cosmos on Fox, and we appreciate it. Excellent.
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Whiskey with natural flavors and caramel color. And now, Andy Staples.
Okay, we now welcome on our good friend, recurring guest. It is Andy Staples.
You can find him on The Athletic. You can also hear him on SXM College Radio.
No, that's your podcast, right? The Andy Staples Show?? Well, the Andy Staple Show, anywhere you get podcasts,

but also on SiriusXM, I'm on all six college channels

whenever somebody decides that they can't make it into work.

Yes, you're actually one of the college channels you're on right below us,

so on 84, so you can find them all over SiriusXM.

What time is that show?

That is, like I said, whenever somebody decides they can't come into work,

they call me.

Like this morning, you need somebody on the Big 12 show, 26 minutes before showtime. Hey, let's text Andy.
There we go. And I will also say, Andy, not to really pump your tires full of air here, but you have the only cover art of a podcast that I subscribe to that I'm jealous that we don't have that because it has it's it's a neon bar sign and it catches my eyes every time a new podcast pops up so kudos to you on that yeah I just stole it from cocktail it's cocktails and dreams there you go it's me and Tom perfect perfect all right so let's talk some football we have you on to talk a little sec we finally have sec back this weekend we're

going to talk about everything but i think we need to start with the the national champion

lsu tigers because people are not giving them any credit people are saying they're going to

suck people are saying they've lost everyone last i checked they still have derrick stingley

uh and also they have bo pelini who if you just have bo Pelini and Ed Ogeron in the same room, the testosterone in that room will beat most teams. But how do you feel about the Tigers this year? And are you buying the they've lost everyone, it's not going to be a good team? No, they haven't lost everyone.
That's the thing. They did lose a bunch of good players.
players but you have to remember with lsu it's sort of a rite of passage i mean in the latter day les miles era they were losing sometimes double digit guys to the nfl so it's not like this program hasn't had to do this before yeah it's a lot you lost the heisman trophy winner you lost the blitnikoff winner you lost about five first round draft picks I mean it's tough but they do have some really good players coming back because they recruited well that's I mean you look at Ed Orgeron I I take that that Mississippi State the fact they're playing them is a pretty good little benchmark because Ed Orgeron's first full season in 2017 they go up to Starkville they just get their butts. They were terrible.
Their defensive line basically had three healthy defensive linemen by the end of the game. You'll be able to see how deep their recruiting has been in the last few years because they're going to roll out a two-deep defensive line that they feel very comfortable with.
You know, they've got great receivers like Terrace Marshall. They've got a freshman named Eric Gilbert, who people are already talking about.

Maybe, you know, they're saying he's the best high school. They've got great receivers like Terrace Marshall.
They've got a freshman named Eric Gilbert, who people are already talking about.

They're saying he's the best high school tight end they've ever seen

because he wasn't really even a tight end.

He's more of a wide receiver.

He's kind of got Megatron size and speed.

Ed Orgeron did not want to put that on him when he got asked about it.

But he does have that skill set coming in, and he's starting right away at tight end uh jabral cox who played linebacker at north kota state last few years he's playing his last year at lsu so i mean they've got talent it's not like they're going to fall off the mat but the problem for them i think is people are looking at alabama and they basically got everybody back and and then got some more and so i think they're just looking at hey Alabama's going to be really really good this year so can LSU possibly match that I don't know if they can but will LSU be good will they be interesting the entire season hell yeah they will so what is the strength of this LSU team going to be what's their what's their identity going to be I think it may start out with with being a better defense than than an offense I, last year that offense was so good, and there were games where the defense didn't quite have their best game. Like Grant Delpit was hurt a lot in the middle of the season, and the defense kind of suffered a little bit during some of those games.
Like Alabama should not have been that close. Ole Miss in the second half, John Rice Plumlee ran all over them.
But then you saw everybody got healthy. They were much better as the season went on.
They were really good against Georgia, really good against Oklahoma, and Clemson's offense, they shut them down like nobody had. So I think defensively they're going to carry them at first, but I don't think it's going to be a drop-off all of a sudden back to the dark ages offensively for them.
They kept Steve Inzminger, who the unsung

hero, and I know you guys talk to Coach O all the time, and I'm sure he's told you this, but Steve Inzminger was the offensive coordinator last year. Joe Brady got a lot of the credit and deserved a lot of the credit, and now he's off to the Carolina Panthers to be the offensive coordinator, but Inzminger, for a guy who's been doing this his whole life, he was calling plays when Joe Brady was in elementary school.

He said basically, hey, Joe, you're coming in, teaching me the Saints offense. I'm going to listen, and I'm going to help you learn how I call plays.
And they were a great team. Now they bring in Scott Lenahan, who is the complete opposite.
Ex-NFL coach, he'd been an NFL head coach. He's going to learn from Steve Ensminger.
I think their offense is going to be pretty good still. I don't think it's going to suddenly slip back into the offense they played every year toward the end of Les Miles, beginning of Ed Orgeron, where we're like, oh, come on, come on.
Are they ever going to throw to the tight end? Are they ever going to do this? Are they ever going to go up tempo? I think those days days are over i think they realized hey this works we're gonna keep doing i like miles brennan too just because i read the story actually on the athletic that he's never been to a movie theater so i was like okay instantly this is a football guy i can get behind um which is just a weird fact and he just likes to save money even though you know it comes from from the brennan family you know dickie brennan steakhouse and all that but yeah why why spend all that money at the movie theater it's coming out it's coming on HBO eventually exactly exactly all right so that's LSU um we're gonna I don't even want to talk about Alabama they're they're fucking good like they're gonna be good they're gonna be great whatever especially actually here's my one Alabama question um how scary is it knowing that Nick Saban was scorned last year? The Alabama that doesn't make the playoffs, a revenge Nick Saban, that has to add a little extra fear to all the SEC opponents knowing that he's out for blood. I don't think Nick Saban changes at all.
That's the thing. It's what he makes them do is easier when they haven't just won.

He likes to win, don't get me wrong, but he hates right after they win

because everybody gets fat and happy, and he's trying to tell them,

hey, you got to think about the next rep, think about the next play.

And they're like, we just want a national title.

We're not thinking about that.

And so when he comes off these years where they're not happy, and then look, theyigan in a bowl game but there's one named a new york new york six bowl that's that's not good enough for alabama so yeah it makes all that other stuff easier it makes all those off-season workouts you know he doesn't have to to light the fire and then it's already there it also doesn't hurt that they have guys like evan neal who's like six seven 350 and they posted a video of him with these like 24 inch you know jump bags and he's jumping up and doing a split squat on him at 350 pounds it's just not fair he's jumping out of a pool though i'm not impressed until he jumps out of a pool he can do it i i will i will get and they got the strength coaches that one of the strength has a PhD. He's a, he's a doctor now.
So that's, they're going to make sure he gets that out of the pool jump and, and, and then explain the physics behind it. You are right that the, I always heard that the worst practice, the worst week of practice for Alabama is not the iron bowl.
It's not the SEC championship. It's like when they play Western Kentucky and Nick, it's Charleston Southern.
Yeah yeah and gets on their ass and knows that he's got to motivate them to play a team they're going to kill 100 out of 100 times so that's basically Alabama's whole season yeah they did that was their entire offseason and that's going to be exactly what their season will be because they didn't get where they were going to go because like Saban says it nobody believes it but I promise it's true they don't talk about winning the national title they never do their whole thing is how are you going to dominate this next thing you got to do and it's the biggest cliche thing we're going to take it one game at a time one play at a time but they actually like break it down to like one rep at a time yeah and it's it's sick and no no human being normally thinks like that except maybe nick saban but he gets them all thinking like that and when they all are it's tough because they they really don't care who they're playing like it doesn't matter they're just like oh i gotta be better than the rest of us which yeah at this point that's pretty good but perhaps nick saban might have taken a little bit easy on himself this offseason because he did, in fact, have an extra two weeks of recruiting because he didn't have to go to the national championship game. I know that really pisses him off every year.
Slacking. Yeah, exactly.
So he's got those two weeks in the bag, might be getting fat and happy. Now, the other Alabama school, Auburn, Gus Malzahn, all I know about Gus Malzahn is is this he will find a way to make the most money possible for himself come hell or high water whether that is increasing his buyout by like 30 million dollars or by having an extremely well-timed season which in which he performs to get a contract extension so my question for you is not necessarily like with Auburn uh what's the record going to be, but what is the way that Gus Malzahn can maximize his earning potential via his team's record this year? See, you say it's Gus Malzahn.
I say it is simply a fact that he and Jimmy Jackson, his agent, understand the Auburn fan base. The Auburn fan base feels like if you – and look, Auburn, LSU, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, they all kind of feel this way.
Like if you don't win the national title, you failed. But Auburn's fan base is just one step above.
And the fact that Auburn is like a roller coaster program, they go from having great seasons to having terrible seasons. It is prime for increasing that buyout because you get them happy.
I mean, it's basically like an addiction. Like you give them that hit in an odd year where you win the SEC West, and then you take it away.
You deny, deny, deny. Oh, price gone up.
Yeah.

So they pay.

And then you don't have to give them the good stuff for the next year because you're already set.

And then as soon as it starts to get a little dicey,

and granted, they were trying to raise the money for his buyout in 2018

right after signing it.

But as soon as it starts to get a little dicey, you win some more games.

Or you have a true freshman quarterback who looks like he's going to be pretty good. And you're like, yeah, okay.
I think keep it a little longer. Yeah, true freshman quarterback for next year.
And you're like, okay, we're building on something right now. So what is his buyout at right now? Okay.
Ooh, I have to do the math on this. I want to say it's in the, it'd be the high 20s, low 30s at this point.
I think it was a 75% guarantee on the contract he signed after 17. So it's still a ton of money.
It's still way too much for anybody to pay. But if anybody's insane enough to do it, it's the Auburn fan base.
Would they do it during a pandemic? Probably not. If you went 0-8 in the SEC, they would.
Well, 0-10 in the SEC, they would. I don't think that's going to happen this year.
I think they'll be pretty good. But they're in a tricky one this week.
Kentucky's not the team I want to open up against. Kentucky's got a really good offensive line.
Mark Stoops' teams, they're not super flashy or exciting. The best phrase I can come up with is relentlessly competent.
But the thing is, Auburn is so high and so low all the time. If you catch Auburn on the right and you are relentlessly competent, you can win that game.
And this is one where if Auburn loses to Kentucky, there's really no shame in that. But they will be in the jar.
Right. Because they got to play Georgia next week.
There was also a really nice way of you saying that Bo Nix sucks. So I appreciate it.
I don't think Bo Nix sucks. I think Bo Nix can be good.
Now, if Bo Nix's name wasn't Bo Nix, if Bo Nix's name wasn't Bo Nix, he would have half the hype. That's probably true.
But he's still built like a Gus Malzahn quarterback. He's built for what they want to do.
I feel like if the quarterback's a run threat, then it makes the passing game easier. There's just some things he did last year where he was a true freshman.
He was in those moments. The play in Gainesville where he just kept going backward.
He's not going to do that this year. He's going to eat that ball, live to fight another day.
I think that's going to be a better deal for them. They also have Chad Morris now which he was awful as Arkansas's head coach but he was really good as Clemson's offensive coordinator he was really good offensively as a head coach at SMU and Gus and Chad get along great like when Gus was the head coach at Springdale High in Arkansas and Chad was head coach at Stephenville High in Texas they were sharing notes all the time so and And I think having two former great high school head coaches on the sideline in this season is critical because what happens when you find out you've lost like 18 guys to contact tracing, but not so many that you can't play the game? You're going to have to be moving corners to receiver.
High school coaches are built for that stuff. Yeah, that's true.
That's a good point. I'm also very biased with Bo Nix because I had a very large bet on Oregon last year.
And he pulled that fucking game out of his ass. I remember sitting there being like, none of these throws are good, and he just keeps completing them.
It's a general rule of thumb that when Big Cat has an ax to grind one way or the other against any college player, there's a very specific gambling-related beat. He's not good.
He's not good. But I do want to – so you mentioned Kentucky, which is a good segue because I want to talk about the SEC East being probably better than it has been for a very long time, at least deeper, with Kentucky being good, Florida and Georgia both being top five teams, and Tennessee maybe feels like 98.
So how do you – Coach Duggs. Coach Duggs.
You drink a lot of that orange Kool-Aid as Coach Duggs. Yeah, I'm a vault.
I'm vault for life. All right, so tell us, those four teams, what has to happen for each one to maybe win the SEC East? I'd assume your Florida Gators are going to be the favorite.
They are the favorite. I'm still a little surprised by that because I keep saying I'm not picking them against Georgia until I see them beat Georgia just because of the recruiting gap.
I'm a big recruiting rankings matter person. Not individually, but in the aggregate they matter.
If you just sign a bunch more five stars than somebody else, you're probably going to win most of those games. It's sort of like the Ohio State-Michigan thing.
That's what the Falcons do with draft picks, yeah. Wait, hold on.
Time out. The Falcons just take must-champ players.
Instead of just doing the draft picks, we should look at NFL teams and be like, how many five-star coming out of high school guys do they have? Get a real advantage that way. That's literally just rooting for Michigan football.
Andy, hold on. Was it you who wrote the article about which teams could make the leap or which teams could be? Yeah.
Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, me and Max Olson.
Yeah, you are a big recruit guy because you bashed Wisconsin, and Wisconsin makes five stars out of no stars. That's exactly, although they did just get a five-star offensive lineman out of Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania, yes. his brother plays tight in there and he's an offensive lineman and why wouldn't you go to wisconsin if you're an offensive line i'm taking i actually took when i saw that he did that i i uh quote tweeted and said is wisconsin becoming a five-star powerhouse and he retweeted it so i took 10 credit for recruiting even though his brother already plays so whatever well i was gonna say is graertz going to start, though? Because that's the thing.
That's the highest-rated quarterback they've ever signed. Yes.
Are they ready for that? Are they ready for the prima donnas that come with five stars? Yes. I don't think these guys are, but it does tend to happen a little bit.
Yeah, sorry. We'll have you back on for Big Ten, but yes, I like what you're saying.
But let's go back to SEC East. So Florida has to beat Georgia.
You're not going to believe it until it happens. Is there any world where you could see Kentucky or Tennessee? How live of dogs are they for the SEC, the top spot in the SEC East? I don't know about winning the championship, but the way this season could go, if you look at the the talent level at Tennessee, especially on the wrong day,

if Georgia or Florida is missing the wrong guy or two, suddenly that becomes a much more even game. And I think that's the thing people are forgetting.
SEC teams recruit at a pretty high level. You know, you'll have some team finish like seventh in the SEC and 14th in the country.
And what that means is you take a couple key guys off the favored team. All of a sudden, it's a much different matchup.
I mean, shoot, South Carolina beat Georgia last year. And Georgia is a lot better team than South Carolina normally.
But yeah, I would say South Carolina, Kentucky, and Tennessee, all of them are teams you need to worry about when they're on your schedule.

Like Georgia has to play at Kentucky the week after they play at Alabama.

That sucks.

Like I would not want to do that if I was Georgia

because no matter what happens against Alabama,

you're then walking in against a team that wants to kill you

because you are the best team in the division.

And then that may be good enough to, depending on how, you know, how your injury situation is. So that's the issue that all the teams in the East have.
Florida's got to deal with that when they play those teams too. Georgia is interesting to me because they're changing their offense.
They bring in Todd Munkin. He's a new offensive coordinator.
The idea is they want to do what LSU did last year, but making a leap like LSU did, let's be honest, that's probably not going to happen. But if their offense is a little bit better, Georgia is going to be really good because Georgia's got everybody back on defense.
They were already one of the best defenses in the country last year. So if they are slightly functional on offense, it could get real interesting.
And the whole quarterback situation is wild though, because Jamie Newman starts at Wake Forest for two years, goes to Georgia as a grad transfer, gets into the competition in practice, and then opts out. JT Daniels started at USC two years ago, was the opening day starter, hurt his knee.
Keaton Slovis comes in, doesn't look back. he transfers to georgia he's not medically cleared to play yet dewan mathis was committed to ohio state justin fields decides to transfer there so dewan mathis flips to georgia and and then finds out he's got a cyst on his brain so he missed all last season after emergency brain surgery so if dewan mathis has grown the way the the people around the program say he has because he he came in as like a James Blackman type string bean like a he was 6'6 205 they say he's like 6'6 225 now which is basically the size Justin Herbert was as a freshman at Oregon and he can run a little bit so he has a good arm he's probably your day one starter against Arkansas and obviously you're going to be able to ease yourself in a little bit against Arkansas but if that offense is more dynamic if it does work better and look they've got good backs Zamir White they've got George Pickens who one of the best receivers in the country all of a sudden George is a team that can win the national title if that quarterback is right guy.
But that's the question. Florida, meanwhile, knows they have the right guy quarterback.
That SEC East is fascinating to me because, yes, Georgia, Florida, I would not be surprised if either one of those two teams won. And then Kentucky, they'll be towards the top, but they'll also play spoiler.
And then you have South Carolina lingering at the bottom, but they're liable to just kick anyone's ass week in and week out. South Carolina's got a long-haired quarterback again.
It's not as long as Steve Tannehill, but it's longer than Stephen Garcia. Stephen Garcia beat Alabama.
Yeah. Those floppy-haired weirdos in South Carolina.
South Carolina stinks. You know that, Andy.
They stink this year. But Muschamp remembers how to coach one week a year, and you don't know what week that's going to be.
If you were to look at their schedule right now, could you identify, like, oh, yeah, this is the one where Muschamp remembers to put on deodorant and brushes his teeth and wakes up on time? I would argue that the week that beat Georgia last year was not his most shining moment. There were some calls down the stretch in that game that weren't great.
But I'm telling you, they're an interesting one because his defenses are almost always good. And his new offensive coordinator is Mike Bobo, who was a quarterback when he played at Georgia.
And so all of the offensive coordinators that Will Muschamp has had to this point, I guess, other than maybe Charlie Weiss in that first year at Florida, were guys that, you know, he could boss around and they'd do whatever he said. And if he yelled, they'd jump and go do something else.
Mike Bobo ain't going to do that. He'd just turn around and look at him and go, whatever, and then just keep doing what he's doing.
That may be what South Carolina needs. That may be the thing that finally gets them over the hump offensively.
They need a little bit more Spurrier back in their system. Just like, who cares? Well, and that that's the thing muschamp is low-key closer to spurrier than he is to anybody else like there was a moment where they did one of those espn car washes back when spurrier was coaching south carolina muschamp was coaching florida and the the there was a storm so none of the planes could take off so they're sitting in this private hang coaches, you know, big egos, they all grab their phones.
They go call recruits or whatever. Muschamp and Spurrier are split in like a six-pack of cores.
So he wants to be Steve Spurrier. If you get him off the record, he's as funny as Steve Spurrier.
But I don't think he feels like he's allowed to do that publicly unless he wins more. So we So we could get a very funny will must champ if he'd start winning more.
All right. So by the way, I couldn't believe when I was looking at the games this weekend, I can't believe, and this is going to hurt you.
Well, maybe it doesn't hurt you, but your former quarterback, I can't believe I still get to bet against Felipe Franks in college football. My eyes like bugged out and I was like, holy shit, he's the Arkansas quarterback? Thank God.
I hope he plays forever. But out of the...
There's no crowd for him to shush now. That's true.
He can't shush his home crowd. Out of the schools, Arkansas, Sam Pittman, Lane Kiffin at Ole Miss, and Mike Leach at Mississippi State.
Out of those three schools, new coaches in the SEC West, which of those three teams is going to look like a competent team quickest? Leach's team. Leach takes over the best roster.
This is still a better roster from a talent standpoint than Mike Leach has ever had, either at Texas Tech or at Washington State. Now, the problem is the competition jumps up quite a bit from what he was seeing there.
So I don't know that net it's all that big of a difference. But this is definitely the most talented roster he's ever had.
Lane's got some work to do on his roster. I heard him talking to y'all the other day.
And he feels like in maybe three years or so that he can get it going. But he's got to get a different, especially defensively, he's got to get a different roster.
He's got to flip it. And he's got some good skill guys.
But also, I saw he went with the – I did the low-energy line reading to get on SportsCenter. He did that with me too when I asked him about it.
I don't know if you saw the thing that came out on Thursday. He did it again.
But, oh, yeah. I think he just may be a low-energy teleprompter guy because I don't think this is getting him on SportsCenter.
Yeah, the last one was low energy but not bad enough to the point where everybody's talking about it. It's just like, wow, I hope he's okay.
Someone check his blood sugar. Yeah, I mean, and it's bad to be low-energy when you have you have to say the phrase hotty toddy, because it's like hotty toddy.
Right. Right.
We'll see you at the vault. Yes.
Yeah. So you think that Leach is going to have a relatively easy transition, which, I mean, I get it because he's got a stack roster that he's inheriting, but also, I don't, I don't think it's going to be easy.
I still think they're from a, I mean, they'reurn, LSU, and Texas A&M have better rosters. Right, but you think he's closest enough to being competent and looking like a good football team, which is interesting because everything that he's done in the past has not been what you think of when you think of SEC football.
It feels like there's going to be a transition period, at least for the offense to learn his concepts and be able to pick them up. And then the fan base being like, what, we're scoring 55 points a game? How is this possible? There's going to be a little bit of pushback as well if you're getting into these shootouts and then losing them.
But you think that his offense can translate pretty early on. Yeah, I think so.
I think they've got good enough athletes.. And then you bring in KJ Costello, who remember, I mean, he learned a very complex offense and ran it pretty well at Stanford.
So it's not that hard for him to come in and learn the air raid. A smart quarterback can come in and learn the air raid.
Look at Gardner Minshew. I mean, he hadn't run that offense until he got to Washington State, and he was fantastic in it.
And Costello, another smart guy with a good arm, who's got a little gunslinger in him, I think that's probably the right kind of guy for that offense. So I do think they're going to come along pretty fast.
I think Lane offensively may have some success early. I'm very curious to see what he does from a quarterback standpoint because he's got Matt Corral, who's a thrower.
He's got John Rice Plumlee, who's a great runner. They really would have to create two different offenses for those two guys, but Lane will do it.
And so I'm curious to see that. The problem with Lane's team is I'm not sure defensively they have the roster to hang, and then Arkansas needs a ton of work.
But, yeah, I could see Leach coming in. And remember, Leach has coached in the league before.
Now, granted, it was a while back at Kentucky. But he knows the type of bodies he's dealing with.
He's seen all that. So, I think it will look better from them.
The question is, can they upset somebody? Can they beat Texas A&M? Can they beat Auburn? Because if they can, then you should get real excited about what mike leach can do in the sec yeah what about jimbo fisher i feel like we've all forgotten texas a&m has got a nice all forgotten about jimbo fisher for the last two years and this feels like the off season that he's lurking because nobody's talking about him you feel like they might have a chance in the west this is the year they were supposed to be really good this is what everybody pointed to when he got the job you know, they don't have to play Clemson. They had the home and home against Clemson.
They don't have Georgia this year. They had Georgia last year.
And it was supposed to be a 9-10 win type team in the normal 12 game schedule. I think the dynamics change when you go to a 10 game SEC only schedule because all of a sudden, 7-3 is a really good season.
7-3 is better than what you've been. 6-4 is probably about the minimum for what they're going to be happy with, and the problem is that's not going to be easy to get to because you've got to play Alabama, you've got to play Auburn, you've got to play LSU, you've got to play Florida.
So it is going to be a tough road for them to get where they want. And they're not going to be happy if they don't, they're not going to be happy.
I think they got to win seven or eight games for them to feel like, okay, this investment is worth it. And it looks like it's going to pay off.
Now they probably can depending on how the games go, because I think Texas A&M as far as teams who didn't have spring practice and when things were kind of up in the air, they're in a good place, kind of like Florida, where you've got a returning starting quarterback coming back who's been in this offense before, a bunch of offensive linemen who've been in this offense. They had a bunch of receivers who'd been in this offense.
Now they don't. Jermon Osmond was of him coming back was, was a big thing.
Well, then he's opted out now. They were going to have this great two tight end lineup with Jalen Weidermeyer and Baylor cup, Baylor cup out for his old freshman year with an injury.
Now he's out for his whole sophomore year with an injury. So they're going to be a little bit different, but they, it's going to be if they've got some freshmen who who are good and they got a kid named DeMond Demas, who's a receiver who, if you watch his video from high school, it's insane.
And if he's half as good as he looks on a high school tape, he's going to be good. Can you spell it for me? I'm a, I'm a big eyeball test on a high school highlight films.
DeMond, you don't even need the high school highlight film. You need the high school, like doing back at the All-Star Game.
Demond Davis? How do you spell Demond? Demond, D-E-M-O-N-D, D-E-M-A-S. Oh, yeah.
It's one of those. It's the ultimate catnip for the downtrodden fan base because these are the people at A&M for every year.
This is the year. He did a backfl's all he's doing like seven backflips he did texas a and m is definitely the team that got like coronavirus changing the schedule they were going to be probably nine and one ten and oh and everyone was going to be pumping them up because they had no one at the start of their schedule so they're kind of screwed um let me ask you one last question uh it is the beefy question.
Go to butcherbox.com slash PMT to receive quality meats delivered to your door now. I did the beefy question for you, Andy.
You are a famous eater. I think I could say that because you're like in good shape.
So like it's not a mean thing to say. I am beefy.
No, I look, I'm still a little fat.

I started intermittent fasting in January and lost like 40 pounds, but I still eat the same amount in one sitting. Well, you could use the Paul Chris line that was said earlier today.
He's got a hint of fat ass. That's what he called himself when he was.
Oh, my God. You didn't see that? Put that.
He said. Stitch that into a pillow.
I'm going to put that on my couch. Someone asked him about the sweatshirts he wears, and he's like, well, when you got a hint of fat ass like me, you can't wear anything too restrictive around the neck.
That's perfect. Yes.
That is perfect. Yes.
And from the man that came up with turnover chain, my blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.
Because he made sure to put his hand over his mouth. I know.
Didn't swear. His mom would have been very upset.
So my last question was, this slate, this Saturday, give us a side or whatever total, whatever, or maybe even just like a team you're looking for that's going to be, people are doubting that you're looking to have a good game on Saturday. South Carolina against Tennessee.
I don't know why. It's one of those things where you could give me like 98 different possible outcomes of that game.

I would believe every one of them.

Every one of them would seem credible and plausible to me.

So I'm saying South Carolina against Tennessee.

They're going to surprise some people with their long-haired QB.

I like that.

Can you give me over-under on LSU Mississippi State?

This will be the Staples lock. I don't think it's going to be as high scoring as we think.
I'm going to go 71.5. That's what you're guessing or that's what you're saying it's going to be? That's my guess.
It's like 56, so take the over. I know, I know.
Listen, they're thinking these offenses won't be ready. I'm thinking these offenses will be ready.
But I think LSU's offense is going to be a little bit more ready, and LSU's defense is going to make some stops. Maybe it's a little like the Ole Miss game for LSU last year where there's a bunch of points in the second half that don't necessarily affect the outcome.
Yeah, that pissed me off. I was – I'm sure it did.
Because, I mean, if you were betting on LSU every game last year, you were making money. Like, it was hand over fist.
And then John Rice Plumlee just starts mowing through everybody. That was an awesome game for the live over.
All right, well, Andy, thank you so much. We appreciate it.
We'll have you back on later on in the season. It's great to just have college football back.
Thank God. Yes.
Go listen to Andy Staples' podcast. Listen to him on SiriusXM.
Find him on The Athletic. Thanks, Andy.
Andy, despite you and Big Cat's best efforts, we do have college football, even though you guys tried to stop it. We tried.
I definitely did not want the season that provides my livelihood. Yes, me too.
But I'm glad it's here now. Yes.
All right. Thanks, man.
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All right. Let's get some segments.
We're just going to do firefest. We'll recap the Lakers' Nuggets.

The Nuggets did lose.

What did they lose by?

Six.

Fuck!

And it was a dribble out, too. No!

There was like 20 seconds left, and the Nuggets easily could have fouled.

I had Nuggets six and a half.

Sorry to rub it in.

Damn it!

Yeah.

Did you have Lakers six and a half?

Damn.

I'm sorry.

It was bullshit. You know exactly what I had.
No, I thought you had six. It was six or six and what I had No I thought you had six It was six or six and a half I thought maybe you had six It was bullshit The Nuggets could have easily fouled They easily could have fouled Why do you quit on your team Nuggets coach Yeah And they did the thing Which is even worse They did the fake foul Like where they were looking like They were about to foul And then one pass And they just gave up.
NBA teams actually do need help in committing fouls. Well, they don't foul.
It's not like college because guys make free throws. But you have to know how to foul.
I would be an excellent foul coach. They give up.
They give up. All you do is you just grab the jersey and just pull the jersey out.
That doesn't work against Jokic. The Lakers shot 35 free throws.
The Nuggets shot 23. Also, Jamal Murray, even though they lost, had some of the most ridiculous baskets I've ever seen.
That one where he went up and under LeBron was insane. We're a Nuggets podcast.
Yes, that was crazy. Layups sometimes are better than dunks.
I stand by the fact that there should be a layup contest instead of a dunk contest. I'm done with dunks.
Anyone can dunk. Anyone can dunk.
I can get rimmed. Once I can do it, then it's not cool anymore.
Anyone can dunk. Not everyone can make a layup.
Actually, probably if you can make a layup, if you can dunk, you can probably make a layup. I don't think Shaq can do a layup.
Yeah, that's probably true. Or dunk now.
Or dunk now. No, he definitely can still dunk.
Just like six inches. Yeah.
I think I saw him rip off a rim a couple weeks ago. You know what the NBA also needs to do? They need to go back to making baskets that can get torn down.
There was nothing as exciting as when Shaq would dunk. Yes.
And just like almost kill somebody. Absolutely.
We pay your salary, NBA. Feed me entertainment.
So now we get a bunch of jokes about how the Nuggets are down 3-1 right where they want the Lakers. So that was funny.
I saw like, you know when it's coming and then you just refresh your Twitter and there's already like 25 tweets about it. And sure that Bob Kraft got off.
Yeah. By the way, people have been stealing that joke from you.
You TM'd it. I TM'd it, so I'm getting residuals from it.
So I'm fine. You got to get early on these things.
Yes. All right, FireFest.
Let's finish up with FireFest, and then we will see everyone on Monday after a glorious football weekend. Can I just start with my FireFest? Because Hank's probably going to try to steal it from me.
My FireFest is that Hank beat me in ping pong today. Even though he did blow a huge lead in the second game, I came back and just absolutely destroyed him in that game.
Why would that be a firefest for me? You were going to try to twist it in some weird convoluted way. No, I respect the segment, man.
This is a segment dedicated to sorrows and terrible things that happened to you in the past week. That was one of my greatest accomplishments.
Now I have to deal with condescending Hank for the next well. But we did make a bet after the game was over on StoolStreams.
Next time, if I beat Hank, I get Norm. I get his dog.
Ooh. Yeah.
I like that. Agree? Disagree.
Disavow. To what part of it? The bet part.
Okay. Sounds like you're not that confident.
No, I mean, all right. Sounds like you're a coward.
Yeah. If you loved your dog, you'd let it let it go.
In a bet to a more alpha man. Actually, that's right, Hank.
Because if it were to come to live with me, then you would only know that it would love you if it would go home. If it would make the long journey home seven blocks.
This is like the Midas thing or whatever it's called. I have faith in Norman.
He would. Okay.
Well, then let him live with me. Rip your face off.
Okay. My Fyre Fest is that with everything, it's more of like a sad, like not really something bad that happened to me, more just like sad.
I kind of look out in the world and everything going on. With everything going on in the United States right now, it is profoundly sad that hundreds and maybe thousands feel passionate about how Bill Belichick dresses for press conferences.
Oh, God people. God.
Who said that? Peter King. Jesus Christ, Peter.
Is Peter going to get mad about hot dog eating too? Smoke to eat ones. Loser.
That's right. Bad guy.
You stoner. Yeah.
It just gave Peter flashbacks to the time that he was just like getting high in his buddy's room. He was wearing a patchouli vest.
Doobie brilliance. Peter King, you owe us still for In-N-Out Burger.
Told waiter in Milwaukee, did you see what happened to Bill Belichick? No. Had a messed up sweatshirt on and the internet was angry.
Thought he would cry. No, my actual Fyre Fest, I was...
It's not really Fyre Fest, but it kind of was not ideal going to work getting on the subway realized i needed to refill my card but it was like as the train was coming and so i wait wait wait wait wait it all makes sense like of course peter king is going to defend somebody who dresses like a slob yes that should not have been who's wearing a sweatshirt from 30 years ago and it's not even dressing like a slob's just that people care. With everything going on in the world.
That's true. How could you care? Look at Fitzpatrick right now.
White pants, Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned down to his belly button. Coward better have some shit to say about this tomorrow.
Mm-hmm. But I was going to – I was like made the move to quickly just jump over the train thing and then like get on the train and as I was I basically like turned and like started to do it and as I did that I made eye contact with like there's a security guard right there so I just stop and then like the turnstiles no I was about to in in in in rush situations when it's like the train's coming you just fucking hop over there and get on I was about to do that and there was a guy right there and i was like okay never mind with your injury luck recently it's probably better that you didn't try to jump over it what injury luck i'm not you you came in with your prime athlete you came in with your entire arm looking like ground beef two weeks ago that was nothing injury luck okay but that was it bye billy does that bother you billy what's your fire fest? Billy, do you have no shoelaces? Because you're afraid you're going to like...
Is this like suicide watch? Yeah. No.
What's going on here? I took the shoelaces out because... You don't know how to tie him.
Happy Gilmore. The Timbs are easier just to be slip in, slip out.
Got it. The Timbs.
Would you own any... I love...
This is why I love having you here having you here Billy because and this is genuine. I'm not going to

say something mean. I'm not going to say

something mean. Like

seeing someone go through their Tim's

phase again like I'm like reliving

my youth. I love it.

I just know. This is

all genuine. Everyone had a Tim

face. Like I loved wearing them back

in the day. Do you have your toe shoes on

underneath there? Is that why you took

the shoelace out so you can like you're never nude

except for your feet. This is always wearing

Thank you. face like i loved wearing them back in the day do you have your toe shoes on underneath there is that why yeah you took the shoelace out so you can like you're never nude except for your feet this is you're always wearing those those vibrams this is totally genuine billy i love seeing like you go through life like we all went through life i like tim's i like you they're easy to sleep i like you too all right great we should date maybe my fire too.
All right. Great.
We should date. Maybe.
My fire fest. Did you fuck me? Tina? My fire fest of the week is that I wasn't able to be in Philly with you guys for personal last week.
Yeah. But my other fire fest is that I missed my exit on the way home.
And if I miss my exit, then I have to drive 10 more miles and just add 20 minutes onto my commute. So how many miles an hour were you going? 10 miles, 20 minutes.
Oh, jeez. One of these math problems? Well, I also have to go back.
So if I was going 60 miles per hour... So you're going 20 miles total.
Right. So 20 minutes.
So about 60 miles per hour. Still get speeding tickets.
Anyway, that was my FireFest of the Week. You missed your exit.
I'm sorry, Billy. But it's one of those ones.
I almost missed the train. Billy, at least I didn't steal from the government.
I didn't. You wanted to.
I thought about it. I can't believe you're one of those people.
He's stealing from de Blasio. It's a Robin Hood situation.
No, if you take from de Blasio and give to yourself, I say that's fair. No, de Blasio steals from the government.
You love de Blasio. Listen to you.
Listen to you big de Blasio defender. I'm not a de Blasio guy.
Huge Blasio guy. No.
Blase, Blase, Blase. They share the same name.
I don't think that's his real name. Oh.
No, I'm serious. Really? Look it up.
He changed his name. What? From what? Like Fred? Seriously, he changed his name to sound Italian.
So he'd win in New York. He's not even fine in New York.
He changed his first name?

He was born Warren Wilhelm Jr.

Billy!

No, he's a fucking fraud!

Billy!

I don't want to get fucking pulled in yet.

Alright, my Fyre Fest of the week is ever doubting Billy.

Holy shit, dude, that's fucking sick. Let's go jump some turnstiles.

Warren Wilhelm?

Warren Wilhelm Jr.

There's no more waspy like Walt. He sounds like he was...
He's not even from New York. Where's he from? Born in Manhattan.
Damn. Where did he live? But Billy, this is...
NYU and Columbia. This is incredible, Billy.
Good job. Where did he live? He moved out of the city.
How much do you have to hate your dad to be Warren Wilhelm Jr. and then be like I'm changing everything about my name how do you change into Bill DeBlasia is it going to be something like he had to change it because of something tragic was he related to Kaiser Wilhelm probably the first World War I bad guy.
So he changed his name to Warren de Blasio Wilhelm in 1983 and finally to Bill de Blasio in 2001 to honor his maternal family. Bullshit, huh? Fuck that.
Bullshit. Fuck de Blasio.
Yeah. I'll say that on the podcast.
Wow. To the national podcast.
Even at Donald. And they're Wilhelms, I assume.
That's going to be weird. All right.
Anything else? No. My mind is very blown from figuring out that De Blasio is a stolen Valor Italian.
I'm going to... Sometimes Billy just surprises us.
I need to show a little more competence so I get invited more places. Competence.
Competence. Like Minshew.
Competence. No, confidence.
You don't have the competence. you need to show a little more competence so I get invited more places.
Competence. Competence.
Competence. No, confidence.
You don't have the competence. You need to show the competence.
No, I have the confidence. I need more competence.
No, you don't. I think I'm competent.
No, you just said I think I'm competent would be a good way to say that. I am confident.
Wait, am I not confident? That's better, Billy. Let's write on that.
Yeah. But you're not

competent. Well, I'm

trying to be more competent. Or confident.

You need both.

You need confidence in your confidence. Anyway,

rhino horns are made out of the same

material

as your hair

and nails. It's keratin.

Love you guys. Also, should we pick a number?

What do we got? What do a number? What do we got?

What do we got?

What do we got?

I got 76.

Don't mean to get political.

17.

18.

51.

76.

1-7.

1-7.

76.

57.

76.

84.

Nothing will ever...

I'm still chasing the high from Buster Poe.

Nothing will ever...

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm talking away.

Though I don't know what to say, I'd say it anyway.

Today is another day to find you. Shine away.
Oh, I'll be coming for your love of Kate. Shine away.
Oh, I'll be coming for your love of Kate. Take on me.
Take on me. Take me.
Take on me. I'll be gone.
It'll take on you. I'll be gone.
So needless to say. I'm sending.

But I'll be stolen away.

Slowly learn that life is okay.

Say after me.

A place for better to be safe than something.

Stay on me.

Stay on me.

Stay on me. Stay on me.
It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.